#a venting rant from last night

[mieczyhale]

fics where the writer ignores or "fixes" wylan's inability to read fill me with rage tbh

someone said they write it because "just because he can't read doesn't mean he isn't smart, so since he's smart he can learn to read" as if his whole childhood canonically wasn't him trying to learn to read and being punished because he can't. it's not about learning. he can learn anything, he's proven that. so the fact that he can't read despite all his efforts might fucking mean he just can't, sharon

and that's okay!! that should be okay!! not everyone has to have the same level of skill in things you consider basic. and tbh if you really believe "just because he can't read doesn't mean he isn't smart" why are you SO fucking determined to make him read?? why not let him be how he is?? he can't read or write but he's a fucking genius. i think letting him be is the best way to show that

illiterate people exist and they aren't any less smart because of it. perhaps we can allow that to be represented by a beloved character. idk. just a fuckin thought.

regarding the topic of dyslexia:: idk if its canon or just headcanon that what he has is severe dyslexia, i haven't finished reading yet so idk if it says anywhere, but that A. doesn't make as much sense and B. still wouldn't make some people's writing for him okay.

yes people with dyslexia can learn to read and write - i know, my mom is dyslexic - it's just harder (how hard depends on the person and how they're being taught) but jan hired all the best tutors from literally anywhere he could - if none of them were able to find a way to help wylan read then perhaps it's not about needing extra help or needing different methods. sometimes the easiest answer is the real answer.

y'all are just weird (derogatory) about it

[danwhobrowses]

I'm not sure how much good this vent will do, I'm not even sure I want to post this vent after my last one, but I'm writing it just so it's out of my head and into words because it seems once again fandom has chosen to send vitriol Ashton Greymoore's way.

What for? They talked to a 'specter' of the primordial titan within them, through their connection to the earth, the natural flow of creation and destruction. They ask what will happen to the world, it responds that it'll endure, they ask what of the people, it responds that the strong will survive and the weak will be remade into something stronger, to which Ashton replies they think they understand. To fandom this means that Ashton is becoming a fascist, that they have a 'Make Exandria Great Again' attitude for wanting the Primordials back, that they need to be beaten up or 'get what's coming to them' in order to change their mind, and I can only sit here and stew and wonder if this hate is really well-founded? Ashton is among my favourite characters in C3, I get frustrated by them at times too but if I think about it a big percentage of my frustrations is more towards people disliking them than me disliking things they do, or Matt setting up scenarios that doesn't do them any favours towards the fandom that hates them. Some of these are knee-jerk reactions of course, but for others it does feel like they have it out for Ashton, and I don't wanna engage with that, which makes it quite lonely when most of the fandom hones in on it.

For the most part I can understand how the whole 'the weak will be remade' bit can be taken badly; it's definitely iffy, but every other plan we have is also very iffy. The Release Predathos option literally involves unleashing an entity that wants to genocide the gods, the Maintain Status Quo option ('option' the status quo imo is impossible, in my mind the Gods can stay but the dynamic will still have to change) maintains a relationship where the gods pick and choose who they feel deserves help, using their power to covet more power, strongarm and demand loyalty, and overall choose fellow gods over mortals when the chips are down and not owning up to it. We should also remember that entities can speak in riddles, 'remade into something stronger' doesn't necessarily mean death; it could mean to adapt and grow, to become strong enough to bear and overcome it as many of the PCs of Critical Role have done with their hardships and trauma. It's worth reminding that the sad truth is that people will die whatever outcome happens - the aim is always to lessen the amount but if the Gods leave it's a power vacuum, if we linger too long it's a Calamity, and if the Gods stay it's a holy war on a more wild and less organized scale - and that Ashton isn't saying they approve of such death, merely that they think they understand. The commune doesn't tell Ashton which way to go; it only tells them that the world will endure, there will be change and it will change people, trees will still grow, the wind will still blow, the waves will still flow along the coasts of the sea, and people will survive. I know the interpretation can differ from people thanks to Matt's patented vague or riddle-mounted choices in phrase, but I also think if it was the Wildmother who told Orym or some other follower that 'nature is a cycle, everything must adapt to change or else it'll die - this world will change, but it will also survive' nobody would be calling Orym a fascist, people would accept it because the Wildmother's domain is nature, and nature is not always kind.

While we're mentioning Orym - and because this is gonna come off as critical I must preface that I like and enjoy All of the Hells, that's not changed - I also gotta call it out here because it does very much feel like the people who hate Ashton hate them for the reasons they love Orym. Both are stubborn, they're diligent in their personal code, they care deeply for their friends and would give their whole being just to keep them safe, they believe in the Hells' power and greatness more than each member does and more than they believe in their own, but Ashton gets the hate mainly because these fans agree more with Orym on the god stuff. What confuses me though is how these same haters can despise Ashton for being consistent but love Braius, the literal Devil Worshipper who secretly is on board with the Chase Away plan only so he can help the Devil rule the world, the compulsive liar. Where's Braius' scrutiny? A world under Asmodeus will be a far worse 'survival of the fittest' scenario, why does Braius get a pass in all this stuff huh? Because he's funny? Seems people ignore the whole morality talk when they're discussing Braius' dedication to Exandrian Satan.

I find it irksome too that even the group seem to criticize Ashton reaching out to Primordials too - as if that wasn't what we wanted them and Fearne to do anyway. They don't dislike the gods simply because they're a 'great entity', it's because they're a great entity that holds power and doesn't use it equally or fairly; they pick and choose who to help, a lot of the time in Ashton's experience for their own self-service, but they won't prioritize mortals over another god no matter who cruel or heinous the god is being, and the following of these gods are so intertwined with politics that most religious motivation also ends up being political. Ashton has no connection to the gods, they reached out and got nothing, an Angel looked at them and made them feel like nothing, but they do have a connection to the Primordials; from the Earth Golem to the Titan Empress they're literally a vessel of, they experienced something significant in their connection to the Earth, so I don't like how that they're almost mocked for having it. In addition, Ashton's behaviour during this commune differs because of that connection, but also because the titans are a natural flow; they don't demand or test or politic or prejudice, and despite being a Great Entity in its own right it never made sure Ashton felt small for their own satisfaction, they asked a question and got an answer, it's the same reason Ashton has disdain for most political leaders but likes and respects Keyleth, Allura, Kima, Pike, and (eventually) Percy despite also being people in power. To call on Orym and the Wildmother as an example again; Orym's an Air Ashari, the Ashari are guardians of the Elemental Planes - made from the Primordials - not tied to a god, but nobody criticizes his connection to the Wildmother despite both not being a follower and his culture being more tethered to Primordials and their descendants. I'm not saying it's all correct for Ashton to want things to go back to how Primordials ruled, but we must remind ourselves also that we only know a story written by victors when it comes to the Schism - a story which could very easily have been altered and edited to make it feel more justified for the Primes and mortals to actively genocide all the Primordials, the native species and creators of this world, and desecrate their remains to make weapons, soul anchors, and cities - the specter didn't say 'fuck em, all mortals should die' after all, if they believe mortals would survive then they must be at the least tolerant of mortal existence. Why is it okay for god followers to say they wanna keep the world with the gods they have a connection to (and I'm not saying they aren't) but Ashton is out of line for wanting to have a world which has something active that they also have a connection to? It seems rather unfair to allow one side to have and the other to have not, picking and choosing because our audience's bias has spent more time with the gods, Ashton wanting something they can connect to doesn't feel all wrong either, the Eidolons still exist with faint worship hiding away so they're not smited by the gods, why can't faith exist so they're not in hiding? I sincerely doubt the Punk Rock that is Ashton is asking for the Primordials to fill the Gods' roles the same way the Gods have been running things either, they want to break the throne remember? There needs to be a balance in ideals and practice of course, and in an ideal world there could even be a more fluid and all-inclusive Exandria where gods and Eidolons live harmoniously with mortals without hierarchy and class systems, I think Ashton could happily live with something like that, they did say the world needs 'a little chaos' to call back to Matt hinting that the current world doesn't have enough.

Which leads us to those wishing violence upon Ashton - and I really don't like that. People who say 'hitting them over the head is the only language they understand' seem to misinterpret Ashton as if everyone around them have been on their hands and knees begging Ashton to reconsider and them ignoring valid points and pulling a Leroy Jenkins. In reality, nobody is actually talking to Ashton about it, a lot of the frustration with Bells Hells right now is that they aren't talking to each other, even about the end goal! Ashton has valid reasons for their thinking, so being violent isn't gonna change their mind; undermining, dehumanizing and trying to effectively bully anyone let alone someone with chronic pain and low self worth will never truly convince them to your way of thinking. All people understand the language of violence, but that language is not used justly, those who truly wish violence upon Ashton don't want it in hopes it'll force Ashton to change their mind, they want it for their own satisfaction of seeing them in pain; so they can further push them away from the rest of the group and go 'that guy's not one of us', make it so the people Ashton calls family after a lifetime of loneliness, confusion and abandonment - the people they promised they won't abandon, and have kept true on that promise even at their lowest - make them feel small and worthless, and force them into box where they can't be themselves, and I hate that people would want to treat them that way. Ashton IS capable of listening; they've stepped back and trusted the other Hells to do their own thing even when it's ridiculous like staging a play where they pretend to be Ludinus to trick Unseelie emissaries into thinking that he attacked them, they listened to the gods even when they didn't have to like they promised they would and despite it being very personal they held themselves back for the benefit of the group, and if the group talked to them calmly where they were all allowed to healthily discuss the pros and cons, the ideals and compromises, and the risk and reward of all plans that have been proposed then they would listen, and they would try - you don't need to slice bread with a broadsword.

Will Ashton 'get what's coming to them'? Maybe, but what is that exactly? We only assume to know the full vision of what Ashton wants to act on. All of Bells Hells are gonna face the consequences of the choice they make on Ruidus - when they finally make one that is - in and out of the world they live in, so won't that apply to everyone? So what for Ashton? do people want Fractures 2.0? Does everything Ashton wants in life have to blow up violently in their face? Family, Closure, their best friend's safety, why does 'what's coming to them' have to be something aggressive and harmful? People change through positive reinforcement and good experiences too! Caduceus Clay would remind you that it's love that makes people. Don't mistake this rant as me wanting Ashton to be exactly as they are now, I too want to see growth from Ashton and we ARE seeing it happen; I see it in small instances where they think twice about rash actions and try not to fly off the handle, when they sit just to listen or understand or to defuse tension, and that when they're going somewhere or doing something they let the group know in advance, those who think Ashton hasn't changed since ep. 1 aren't paying close attention, but that doesn't mean that they don't still have more ground to cover. I believe that Ashton grows the most through kindness; when they're treated like a person and not a blunt instrument or a nuisance, and I hope what's 'coming' for Ashton isn't rejection, bitterness, and isolation, but acceptance, empathy, and for someone - if you know me you'd know who I'd want it to be - to convince them that they are worthy of living, that they're special not because of their powers or blood or because they have died and been put back together again (honestly, it does irk me a little that both Keyleth and Imogen chose that for titles and to brag to the Matron, I know it isn't intended this way but sometimes it feels like saying 'your best defining quality is that you've died a lot') but because while they have every reason to hate everything they still chose to be kind to those who deserve kindness, they have a good heart and they mean well. Are they perfect? No! They're in their 20s very few people irl have their lives together at even twice that age, but I want them to have good things in their life; things that help them feel happy and safe and like they can still feel comfortable in their own skin without having to appear more 'palatable' for people who've already decided that they don't like them. I want them to know that they've always deserved to live and they still deserve it now, I want that not just for Ashton but for all the Hells, and hopefully they'll all live to have it.

And most of all I want the people who hate them to be wrong about Ashton Greymoore, and I want Taliesin to prove them wrong.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

current editing moodboard, please send help

[sleepyy-27]

Great. Just dandy./very neg

[aefensteorrra]

Normally I go to the office like fortnightly, if that, but this week I have to be there 4 days in a row and don’t get me wrong I’m thankful this isn’t the norm but I really think working from home is where it’s at because I have had zero time to cook or clean this week (because we’re also having to work till 7pm… screaming crying throwing up) and also can’t sort out any of the admin stuff with my energy provider which is really stressing me out

[clochanamarc]

i need to vent in the tags abt the housemate, and i need to find a new word for this person bc "mate" is much too friendly rn.

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Vent post, please ignore.

Friends and I were running a Destiny dungeon blind on Monday night but we started it late and then realized reset was the next day, so we decided to postpone it for later. Then came Tuesday and they run it together without me knowing. Wednesday, I ask them when we’re running the dungeon, and get told they ran it without me. Cool cool cool. Sick invite. Thanks guys.

They tell me that one of them didn’t get the exotic drop they wanted, so they were probably going to run it again at some point. Alright cool. Granted, now 2/3 of us know the encounters so it’s no longer entirely blind, but hey I guess now they can tell me what to do so we can finish it quicker. Awesome.

Friday night rolls around, they want to run the dungeon. Alright, cool. Join my friend’s group and…oh, okay so we’re starting just from the last encounter, so I’m missing the rest of the dungeon…sick.

Okay so we start the encounter and I’m waiting for instructions. No one says anything, so I’m thinking aight maybe it’s just some ad clear in the beginning and then come the mechanics. I kill a yellow bar and am immediately scolded for doing so. Okay, sorry, I didn’t know. No one told me. Now I know I guess, I’ll kill all the other ads aside from the yellow bar. Killing ads. Killing more ads. And more ads. They’re running around doing things. I ask why I couldn’t kill the yellow bar, they tell me he’s got to be in the right spot. I ask where the right spot is, they say they don’t know yet. Okay, cool. I’ll let them figure it out and wait for further instructions I guess.

So I sit at the back of the map clearing ads because that’s pretty much all I know to do at this point. Then I get hit with the “look at him up there not doing anything”. Well, I wasn’t told what to do. “Figure it out,” he says. Sure, let me just blindly experiment to try and figure out this encounter that both of you already know and are in the middle of doing, not knowing whether or not the things I do will fuck you up or wipe or whatever.

We finish the encounter, he doesn’t get the exotic so we need to run it again. Okay cool. Maybe this time tell me what to do if you want me to, ya know, actually do something.

Nope, no instructions. Guess I have to fuck around and figure it out myself. I grab a buff from the ground. “I needed that!” OKAY COOL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEAK UP AND SAY THAT. I’M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THIS ENCOUNTER. I go into a side room and find a Hive Titan and a symbol in the room, okay cool, now we’re onto something. I recall the symbol and kill the Hive Titan and I get a buff. Alright, I bet these coincide with the symbols in the main room. I go back to the main room, and activate my symbol. Alright, I did my symbol, now y’all do yours. “No you didn’t.” Yes I did. “Holy shit, did he? He actually did something! Holy shit!” We do DPS, DPS ends, and I think okay cool, I’ve got the encounter down pat, time to do that part again.

I go back to the side room with the symbol and the Hive Titan and I kill him again, get the buff, and go back to the middle. Huh, I can’t see my symbol. Suddenly the symbol appears. Oh, okay, there it is. Huh, I can’t activate my symbol. Die trying to activate my symbol. “Ugh, can you not die.” It wouldn’t let me activate my symbol. “Yeah, you need the buff.” The buff from killing the guy? “Yes.” So the buff I had? “You had the buff?” Yes, it just wouldn’t let me activate the symbol. “Yeah, you need the other buff to see the symbol.” But I can see the symbol. “Yeah but you can’t activate it.” Sure, okay, whatever. So I let him do the symbol and we DPS again.

Cool so now I have the encounter down pat, right? DPS is over, I go back to the side room again to get my symbol and the buff. Accidentally die to the Hive Titan. “There he goes dying.”I respawn, go back to try it again, and yes because fuck me, I die again to the Hive Titan. “Why do you keep dying over there, we aren’t on that step yet.” What do you mean, this is what we’re supposed to do? “We have to build the triangle first,” he says as if this should be obvious to me. Oh, well this worked the last two times I did it so I reasonably assumed this was how you were supposed to do it. “Yeah no, it isn’t.” Cool cool cool. Thanks for telling me the first time I died. Or telling me at all, any time, ever. Literally anything.

So I Alt + F4, leave the call, and shutdown my PC. I’m done for the night. Fuck them. There’s shit talking and then there’s talking shit, and it was nothing but talking shit all fucking night from them, all about shit that was almost entirely out of my control. But sure, no, it’s obviously my fault that I didn’t learn the encounter before what was supposed to be our blind run of the dungeon.

[heyitslapis]

literally sick to my fucking stomach with anxiety about thinking about showing up to work tonight

[fastandcarlos]

End Of A Bad Day : ̗̀➛ Oscar Piastri

summary: oscar comes home to find you at the end of a tough day, determined to find a way to cheer you up

You were too engrossed in tidying up your office for the night that you hadn’t even heard Oscar calling through your apartment. Your tank was well and truly empty after the day that you’d had, sighing every couple of seconds as yet another thing didn’t seem to quite go your way, items toppling around you as you tried to get sorted.

In the doorway, Oscar hovered as he took in the sight before him. Straight away he could tell that you were far from fine, resting his head on the frame as a sympathetic smile graced his face. Once he’d read the situation Oscar stepped foot into the room, sneaking up behind you and tangling his arms around your waist. Your body tensed up in surprise, relaxing immediately as your head glanced back to see Oscar staring back at you, offering one of his warming smiles that always seemed to find a way to calm you down.

He stayed with you for a few moments, not saying a word, allowing you to find comfort in his embrace. Oscar rested his head on top of yours as he swayed you gently, turning you away from the mess that was still in front of you. You wanted to be angry, to rant and rave, but there was something about Oscar that just seemed to wash all of that away for you. He didn’t need to speak, he knew just holding you and letting you know that he was there was all that you needed, although the few kisses that he pressed against your neck were definitely gratefully received.

“Do I even need to ask?” Oscar whispered into your ear after a few seconds, continuing to sway you as his grip around your waist tightened.

Your head shook as you let go of a huff, feeling fingertips tickle your side to try and draw you out of your lull. You moved your hands to rest over Oscar’s, assuring him that you were alright as he tried his best to make you smile again.

“I get it,” he spoke, peering over your shoulder to get a better look at you. “It’s alright if you want to get upset, I’m here for you love.”

“It’s just been awful,” you sighed, spinning around so that your head was now resting on Oscar’s chest, the few tears that were falling dampening the material of Oscar’s shirt. His heart broke as he heard your cries from underneath him, finally beginning to realise just how tricky your day had been, the frustration finally surfacing and tipping over the edge.

“Anything I can do to help?” Oscar offered as one of his hands came up to brush through your hair, moving the strands away from your tears.

“I just can’t seem to do anything right recently,” you vented, tensing your body up again. “My boss is constantly on my case and I can’t stop thinking about work and where it’s going wrong. I can’t remember the last day I even sat down with you and actually asked you how your day was.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Oscar whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I don’t need to tell you anything, I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“You don’t need to be dealing with me, I’m alright,” you lied.

“Babe, I know you better than that,” Oscar replied, “it’s my job to look after you, I’m your boyfriend. It’s your fault anyway for being so annoyingly cute, you make me want to care, in fact, it’s the best job in the world being able to care for you, love you, and be the one who always gets to cheer you up.”

“I reckon you might have a tricky job of that today,” you mumbled against Oscar’s chest.

“Hm, I’ve got an ace up my sleeve,” he chimed.

“W-what?” You stumbled as Oscar moved your hands so that they were around his neck, placing his securely around your waist.

“Dance with me,” Oscar proudly smiled, knowing how many times you’d desperately tried to get him to dance with you before, only for Oscar to vehemently decline.

Your head shook in disbelief, watching the concentration on Oscar’s face as he tried his best to count in his head to make sure that he was in time with you. He looked a fool, but he didn’t care, his plan didn’t take long to work. Soon enough you had a wide smile on your face, giggling away to yourself as you and Oscar spun around in your office, experiencing several near misses as you kept losing your balance and tripping over one another.

“I hate how good you are at this,” you laughed as your eyes met Oscar’s, taking in the pride in his expression.

“I’m just glad to see that beautiful smile again,” he mused, leaning forwards and pressing a gentle kiss against it.

“Fancy telling me about your day now?” You quizzed, surprised when Oscar shook his head in reply to you.

“I’m quite enjoying what we’re doing right now,” he responded, taking a hold of your hand, “although I think I might need a few more lessons for the future.”

“Why? What plans have you got to dance in the future?” You innocently asked, staring cluelessly at Oscar.

“Oh…you know, one day I might just have a first dance,” Oscar told you, hearing you gasp as you used the hand that he was holding to twirl you around underneath your own. It was a response you weren’t expecting, but as soon as Oscar said it, you felt your heart swell, glad you were twirling around so that Oscar couldn’t see the tint of red on your cheeks.

“Do you see us getting married one day?” You enquired once Oscar had you still again.

“I think about it every single day,” he opened up, again taking you by surprise. “There’s nothing more that I want than to one day be able to introduce you to people as my wife.”

“I never thought you’d think about these things.”

“It’s hard not to when I’ve got someone as incredible as you in my life,” Oscar confessed, “maybe we should dance a bit more often…it’s good practice, right?”

“I’d love nothing more,” you smiled, peppering a kiss to the tip of Oscar’s nose, “well, maybe I’d love being able to marry you someday just a little bit more.”

“It’ll the best day every, one day.”

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[bad-and-drawn-that-way]

What about the moment Vox realizes he's head over heels in love with the reader? What made him fall for them, too? I'm such a sucker for moments like that. 😫

Short little drabble from bed! This is pre-hotel! (God, we need more visuals of him. I crave more gif options)

Unread Notification [Vox x Reader]

It snuck up on him.

Vox liked to think he was a self-aware guy. He knew his temper was easily triggered, and he spent years crafting charisma and charm to compensate. He knew he overworked, and though he'd never admit it out loud, he knew his weaknesses. So there was no reason his feelings for you should have caught him off guard.

Vox had a type. Or at least, he thought he did. He was attracted to power. To cutting edge personalities full of ambition. He thought he loved the rush of excitement that came with the more cutthroat personalities, even though more often than not, the repercussions of playing with fire was getting burned.

It was after getting burned once again by the careless hands of Valentino that Vox met you. The two of you crossed paths at a club where Valentino had dragged Vox in the name of blowing off some steam. Vox didn't feel up to the loud and busy scene, but he'd been desperate for Valentino's affection and was hoping his needs would finally be satiated. He should have known better. Because of fucking course Angel Dust had to be there.

It would matter if Vox just cut his losses and went home to angrily jerk off, but it didn't matter if he stayed. He'd never hear the end of it from Valentino if he left. The moth would just complain about Vox being needy. It had happened before.

So Vox was stuck sitting at a bar in a club that he didn't even want to be at in the first place while Valentino doted on his favorite collared pet. When Vox noticed you sitting beside him at the bar, watching Valentino and Angel Dust with similar disdain to his own.

At first, he thought you were just some random fangirl, but he quickly learned you had actually shown up because Angel had asked for a night on the town to recover from a porn shoot. You clearly weren't a fan of how things had developed, but the memory of how poorly things went the last time you tried to intervine in his addiction to Valentino's poison was fresh in your mind.

So despite how badly you wanted to leave the crowded place and just go home, you stayed. Just in case. You couldn't abandon him even if it was clear he was too far gone from Valentino's aphrodisiacs to be aware of your presence any longer.

At first, you were hesitant to voice your own frustrations about the reoccurring patterns to Vox. He was the overlord in a fucked up situationship with Valentino, after all. However, after a couple of drinks, Vox had gone off on several of his own rants and by the end of the night you had both let out all of your frustrations in a tipsy moment of relief. And no, not in the way you're thinking.

Eventually, the two of you left the club. It was late, and to both of your disdain, you'd lost track of the company you'd arrived with. It didn't seem to matter to the warm hell night, as you found an empty park bench to sit at and started shooting the shit. It was the start of an unexpected friendship that somehow grew into more without Vox realizing.

He'd come to look forward to the stupid memes you'd text him while he was at work. He liked coming over to your shitty apartment and despite how much he bitched about getting fur on his suits, Vox had passed out on the couch with you and your hellcat several times during movie nights. Unlike with the Vees, if you came to him to vent about your day, he genuinely listened. He wanted to provide the relief you gave him when he'd vent to you.

The realization of his feelings hit him like a freight train. As blaringly obvious the loud horns and bright lights may have been to any outside observer, Vox had blindly tied himself to the track without even knowing where he found the rope.

You had fallen asleep on his shoulder after the two of you spent the night marathoning some old, poorly written romcom series. There was popcorn on the floor from where you had thrown the pieces at the horribly stupid couple on the screen while Vox yelled at them for their emotional constipation. Your hair was messily framing your face as the tiniest little snores escape you on occasion. There was a small train of drool running down your chin, and Vox couldn't help but chuckle at how gracelessly you slept.

Without thinking, he tossed a blanket over you and leaned back, so he held you against him where he now lay on the couch. His arms draped over your back, and he smiled softly as your cat noticed the new position and hopped up to lay between your legs. Vox closed his eyes, content as he slowly rubbed your back and let himself relax.

He loved the smell of your shampoo. He loved how he had to use lint rollers after cuddling with you, as stupid and annoying as it could be to keep up the habit. It was worth it, just to remember your smile when he'd find a strand of fur he missed. He loved your stupid sense of humor, and he loved how at peace he felt when he was with you.

For as much as he loved his power and business, he loved getting to let his walls down with you more. He loved getting to just be the dorky guy with a bow tie and vest you poked fun at. He loved the time you tried to make him wear one of your hoodies, only for his head to get stuck. He loved you.

Vox's eyes snapped open as the peaceful sleep he'd almost slipped into was snatched away by the reality of his feelings. His heart was beating so loud, he was surprised you didn't wake up. If anything, you just wrapped your arms around him and buried your face against his chest and it took everything in Vox not to explode there and then.

For the entire night, Vox screamed internally as his body shook, and he repressed the shocks and jolts that threatened to spark and wake you from your peaceful slumber. The overlord looked like exhausted shit by the time you rose with the sun, but he couldn't be damned to care. Not when you sleepily rubbed your eyes and laughed like that. Not when your hair was sticking to your face and you said good morning to him like you were meant to start the mornings in his arms just as naturally as you would breathe.

No. Vox couldn't care less about how worn out he was from the realization if he tried. Just like always, the second he saw your smile, everything else just washed away into background static. He cupped your face and said some sort of sassy quip about your bed head, to which you immediately started freaking out over.

He watched as you started to pat your hair down frantically and smiled softly. Oh yeah, he was fucking whipped.

[emphistic]

Casual

A/N: edited this while watching the debate 💀

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It’s crazy what you do for a friend. 

Sukuna was never one to let people in. He never was, and never would be. The result was always the same.

Sukuna hated smoking. He hated it with a fiery, burning passion; and he quit years ago. He didn’t smoke anymore, but, whenever he found himself missing you more than usual, at a quarter past one, he couldn’t help but spend eight dollars at the convenience store.

Being with you burned. In a good way. Cigarettes were nearly the same.

When you told him, last night, that you would be seeing other people, Sukuna didn’t know how to feel at first. You were free to date people who liked macaroni and cheese just as much as you did. His job was done, the curse was lifted. So why was he still unsatisfied? He helped a friend. That was all there was to it. Sukuna did what he was supposed to do, so why did he still need more? 

Was that selfish?

He’s been in the shadows your whole life. He’s watched you get boyfriends, break up, make new friends, lose friends; he’s seen it all. And he’s been with you, through it all. Sukuna couldn’t remember when he first started to like you, but when he did, he was already in far too deep. That’s why it hurt so, so much. Because you didn’t know how it felt to have someone rant and vent to you about their life and their crushes, whilst all you wanted was to do the same. 

You’ve cried on his shoulder, asking yourself, “Why won’t he just like me back?” And all Sukuna ever wanted to say was “Why won’t you just love me back?”

But, even after all of that, Sukuna couldn’t hate you. He could never. He loved you too much to let go. It was unbearable, he felt like bursting at the seams. But no, he couldn’t let go. If he told you how he felt, he already knew what your response would be.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” “Why did you never say anything earlier?”

Because Sukuna knew you were better off without him, and that you didn’t feel the same way. That’s why. It was obvious from the moment you proposed this fake relationship in order to rid yourself of the “curse”. And, if it was already clear you didn’t feel the same way, Sukuna knew this fake relationship would be the closest you two would ever get to being in love.

You put on a mask when you two started this whole arrangement. You played a character. It was an act. As for Sukuna? He only played out his vulnerabilities. This whole relationship was all for you. Everything Sukuna said and did, was for you. This . . . wasn’t any different. Yet, it was still one hell of a stab in the heart when you showed crystal clear interest in Naoki fucking Ito. It was inevitable, but still. . . And when you suggested setting him up with Eileen? God, Sukuna wanted to shove a gun down his throat. You were just too dense for your own good, huh? Well, that is what started this whole ordeal in the first place.

But, whaddya know, Sukuna took up your idea after all. Sukuna was hurt, he was confused, struggling to hold it together. Sukuna needed you, but you would always be as far and beautiful as the blazing hot sun ninety-three million miles away. Sukuna wanted a distraction. Besides, it couldn’t be so harmless if it was the same thing you were doing, right? Like you said, Natural Immunity, was it? People combat illnesses by injecting it into themselves. Maybe copying what you did with Naoki would make the burn hurt less.

You told Naoki and Eileen that you and Sukuna had broken up, simply because you two had lost interest in the relationship. Naoki, of course, immediately jumped at his chance, and asked you out on a date. Because you had been waiting for this moment your whole life, you obviously agreed. And from there, you and Naoki hit it off. Or so Sukuna thought. . .

But, anyhow, Sukuna tried to do the same. He and Eileen gradually started drifting closer and closer together. Yeah, he still found her occasionally annoying, but hey, he had been dealing with Yuuji and you for twenty-four years. Surely he could handle a minor pest like Eileen Mifune.

The two of them exchanged numbers, and every now and then, Sukuna found himself being on call or texting with Eileen, talking about nothing in particular. It always made him feel weird and strange inside, his stomach often hurt afterwards and he knew it wasn’t just because of a stomachache. It wouldn’t make any sense; Sukuna paid attention to his diet like no other. Was that what it felt like to have butterflies? Did you ever feel that way when you talked to him? Sukuna knew not.

You and Naoki started going out more frequently. You two talked till the sun went down, and while it should have been fun and enjoyable, you realized you always wanted nothing more than . . . to sleep. You wanted to get back into your bed, pull the covers over yourself, and escape the light of day.

Being selfish was an unfamiliar concept to you. For years, you have always wanted to be able to make mac n’ cheese with someone you loved. Truly loved. And, yet, when you and Naoki happened to do just that, you felt . . . nothing. This wasn’t what you wanted. You needed more. Was this . . . love?

Sukuna was confused. Growing up, he never really knew what love was. Fortunately, he felt familial love, but romantic love was just . . . different. Yeah, he had his fair share of girlfriends, but he never felt an emotion towards them quite as strong as the one he always felt when he was around you.

Sukuna studied the way you talked and smiled and laughed with Naoki. He needed an example to follow, if he was going to be able to show love towards someone else. But, in the end, he was only copying another imitation. A false version of his ideals.

Everything was so different. The way you interacted with Naoki, the slightly dimmed light in your eyes that was only noticeable to Sukuna, the atypical sound of your voice. It confused Sukuna, severely. You had him thinking two plus two equaled five, and that a lie plus another lie was completely fine. Did you even know Sukuna lied awake at night thinking of a girl he had no chance with? Fuck, love could be embarrassing as hell sometimes.

Listening to heavy metal. Standing still under spraying, cold, shower water. Screaming in empty parking lots. Texting with Eileen. Sukuna tried to cope, he really did, but it only backfired at him in the end. As the days passed by, you two found yourselves only hurting each other more, and more. It was inevitable, because the both of you were just too close. 

Stuck by the glue, and cursed by Eros; you and Sukuna may not have been the world’s idea of lovers, but you two were friends, and that was just as bad.

“What have you been up to lately?” you asked, twiddling your thumbs in your lap. It was a Saturday afternoon, you had nothing important to do, and you always failed to see the harm in innocently inviting a friend over.

“Ah, I’ve been—”

Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzzt!

The both of you simply stared as the screen of your phone lit up to reveal Naoki’s contact name. It was just plain “naoki: eileen’s cousin”. Damnit, you always forgot to change that; you mentally facepalmed.

“. . .Forget it. You should get that.” Sukuna scratched the back of his neck, averting his eyes elsewhere.

You hesitated. For some reason, you almost didn’t want to pick up the phone. But you did. Of course you did.

“Naoki, hi! What’s up?” You put on your best smile as you spoke.

“Hey, I was wondering if we could hang out tomorrow?”

“It’s kind of late to be asking this,” you laughed, “don’t you think so? But, yeah, sure. I’ll text you later for more details. I think I’m gonna go—”

“Alright, that’s a good idea. Ciao; night.”

There was a beep after the phone call ended, and you quickly turned your phone on Do Not Disturb, which is what you should’ve done a lot earlier.

The sound of Sukuna’s voice was what brought you back. “You seem to be talking to Naoki a lot more often, nowadays.”

You frowned, what was that supposed to mean? “I could say the same about you and Eileen. You two seem really buddy-buddy together, huh? Did you finally listen to my idea after all?”

“It’s whatever.”

Tension was remarkably high. The two of you sat in awkward and total silence. You were both seated on opposite ends of the couch, nursing individual glasses of Sex on the Beach, whilst some random TV show played as background noise. You invited Sukuna over to talk; you always loved hearing his voice. But . . . it seemed like there wasn’t much talking being done.

“So,” you began, “does that mean you’re interested in Eileen? I could give you some pointers if you are. Like, what her favorite flowers are, or what her favorite movie is—it’s Interstellar, by the way. But, y’know, stuff like that.”

Sukuna sighed, “No, thanks. I’m honestly just a little confused right now. I’m not sure if a girl is what I need.”

“Oh . . . yeah, totally! I get that,” you nodded. “It’s always good to solely focus on yourself instead of others. That way, you can figure out what you really want in life. And, maybe, being you is all you need. Not a girlfriend or a boyfriend, or any of that, to be specific. Y’know?”

“Uh huh.” Sukuna’s voice sounded distant, despite being only a few feet away.

And, to be completely honest, you were currently at war with yourself. For as long as you could remember, you’ve always wanted to be able to make macaroni and cheese with someone you really loved. And even though you had accomplished that—with Naoki, a few days ago—you couldn’t help the empty feeling you had inside. It was so, so strange. Like nothing you had felt before. You got what you wanted, so why did you still need more?

Was that selfish?

Whenever you talked with Naoki, it drained you more than anything. Was this the love you had dreamed about as a little girl? Was Naoki Ito really who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Was he the one who would fulfill your wishes, and make macaroni and cheese with you? Was he for the better?

You’ve always had a wide imagination since birth. And yet, you couldn’t imagine yourself living a lie. It was just . . . absurd, to say the least.

“Say, we haven’t had anything to eat, yet. Are you hungry?” you tried asking. For, you would hate to have to sit in silence for the rest of the evening.

“I dunno. Are you?”

“I mean, now that you mention, I guess I am.”

“Let me guess. You want macaroni and cheese? I can make it for you pretty quickly. As thanks, for having such a good collection of drinks.” Sukuna gestured to his now empty glass. 

Your eyes lit up, a smile forming on your lips. “Oh, that’s okay. We can—We should make it together! It’ll be fun, don’t worry. I know I’m not the best cook, but I can make a mean mac n’ cheese. And if we pair up, we could probably make the best mac n’ cheese to ever walk the Earth.”

“No mac n’ cheese walks the Earth, dumbass.” Despite his comment, Sukuna picked up his glass and walked into the kitchen. You soon followed suit, also grabbing your glass to leave in the sink.

“So, you’re the Head Chef here.” You turned to face Sukuna with an “eager-to-work face” and your hands on your hips. “What should I do?”

Sukuna laughed. You hadn’t heard him laugh in a long time. You honestly missed that carefree smile of his.

“You make me feel like I’m fuckin’ Gordon Ramsay or some shit. But, okay. You can handle the macaroni; I trust you with that. As for me, I’ll take care of the roux. Believe it or not, too much cheese can be a thing.”

“Seriously? I’ve never heard of that.”

“Trust me. I have experience.”

While you two worked in the kitchen, Sukuna told you a story that happened just a few years ago.

It was Thanksgiving, and the whole Itadori family were all assigned roles for what to bring to the dinner. Sukuna was in charge of the turkey, like always, and his . . . actually, he didn’t even know who Choso was in regards to the family. But for some reason, he was always invited to their family reunions and holiday dinners, so whatever. 

Anyway, Choso was assigned the mashed potatoes and gravy. His cousin was bringing the pumpkin pie, while Yuuji was assigned the infamous macaroni and cheese. As you can probably tell, the theme of the dinner party was American. Just for funzies.

Little did Yuuji know, Choso was actually lactose intolerant. And guess what, Choso didn’t even know he was lactose intolerant. Now, some people who are lactose intolerant, can handle some bits of cheese here and there. But unfortunately, Choso is not one of those people. And it certainly did not help that Yuuji absolutely went above and beyond with how much cheese and cheddar he used to make the macaroni and cheese.

It was a disaster. But long lasting memories were made, and a couple polaroids were taken (of miserable faces). Long story short, Yuuji is banned from ever making macaroni and cheese again. And Choso is forever hesitant about attending the annual Thanksgiving dinner.

“That’s hilarious, Sukuna. I feel kind of bad for Choso, though, the poor guy must’ve been so embarrassed. I can’t even begin to imagine how he felt.”

“Eh, he’s over it now. I think. He’s just a little more cautious.”

“I bet he went and took a bunch of tests to see all the things he was allergic to, afterwards.”

“You’re not wrong. He actually did do just that,” Sukuna laughed, putting the finished macaroni onto two plates for the both of you.

“It smells delicious,” you moaned. You two decided to just eat from your plates on the counter. Your dining table was full with grocery bags you had yet to unload.

“Thanks to me, of course.” Sukuna gave you a shit-eating grin. He could be so cocky, sometimes. It was in his character.

“Whatever, look at this.” You picked up a single piece of macaroni, and shoved it in Sukuna’s face. You moved it as if to pretend the macaroni was dancing.

Sukuna grimaced. “What the hell are you doing with that?”

“I am just a little dancing piece of macaroni. I am not spaghetti, or penne, or rigatoni. I am not lasagna or a fat slab of bologna. I’mmm macaroni.”

“The fuck are you singing a song from Sausage Party for?”

“So you did watch it, after all! You liar!”

“Pfft.” Sukuna rolled his eyes, holding up his hands in defense. “Neither you nor Yuuji would stop pestering me about it; I had to.”

You set the macaroni back on your plate, and cleaned your hands with a nearby napkin. “Sure, sure. Just admit it, I have the best movie recommendations.”

“When Hell freezes over.”

“You are such a grump. I hope you know that.”

“I don’t.” Sukuna quipped.

You playfully glared at Sukuna, pressing your face impossibly closer to his, until you couldn’t draw a line between where your breath ended, and where his started.

“You can be so mean, sometimes. Y’know that, right?”

“Yeah, well, something tells me you love that about me.”

As the hours flew by, and the day turned from afternoon to evening, it was soon well past eight. You had none of the lights turned on, and your whole apartment was completely drowned in darkness. You didn’t know who leaned in first, but you knew you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Your lips pressed against Sukuna’s in a chaste kiss, before you pulled away after a mere second, a stupid look on your face as you giggled. “You taste like mac n’ cheese.”

Sukuna grumbled, “Well, no shit, Sherlock,” before grabbing you by the back of your head, bringing you both into another kiss. This time a little less PG-13. His lips were cold, cracked, and his hands were frigid to the touch. You pressed yourselves closer together, and curved your body into his as you looped your arms around his neck. You wanted to warm him up, and make him feel as fuzzy inside as he made you feel. 

It felt so right. Nothing like how you felt with Naoki. But maybe that was the difference between a friend and lover; and that made you feel more guilty than anything.

You wanted to grab Sukuna’s hands, and hold them in your own. You wanted to kiss along the ink of his tattoos. You wanted him to be warm, and to feel all fuzzy inside. But you knew he was probably better off getting that feeling from someone other than you. It didn’t make sense.

Sukuna kissed you like it was the end of the world, like he wanted to savor every last second with you. And maybe you were flattering yourself when you thought that, but, you couldn’t help but wish Sukuna felt that way. You really, really wanted him to feel that way. To not want those kisses to end. To want to be the last person giving those types of kisses.

Why did you want that?

“Sukuna,” you whispered, between kisses, clearly out of breath, “it’s late.”

Closing your eyes, you were the first one to pull away. Your voice was so soft, just above inaudible, and yet, Sukuna still heard you. He always did.

“Are you sleepy?” he asked, voice equally as quiet.

“No.”

Sukuna kissed your eyelid, so gently, like he thought you could disappear at any given moment. And, had your eyes been open, you would’ve noticed the melancholic look on his face. The furrow of his brows. The softness of his eyes. He looked like a child about to cry after getting scolded for doing wrong. God, he was a grown man, and yet, he had never felt so little.

“Are you tired?”

You opened your eyes, glancing up at Sukuna, “If I asked you to stay the night, . . would you?”

“Is that what you want?”

“. . .” You might’ve been only half-awake, and also rather tipsy, but you still fully registered Sukuna’s words. In the end, it was you who chose not to answer, because you simply couldn’t.

Sukuna swallowed the lump in his throat, avoiding your eye contact. “I would stay.”

“In that case, I am tired.”

“. . .That would make the two of us.”

That night, as Sukuna laid awake in your bed, with his arms around you, and his breathing even, he didn’t get a wink of sleep. How could he, when you broke his heart without even knowing you were responsible for it in the first place? Sukuna wasn’t confused by what was said, he was confused by what was unsaid. It wasn’t easy when his heart wanted you whilst his brain said “no”.

It’s tough saying “I love you” to someone who doesn’t even know what those words mean.

-

Naoki came over to your apartment the next day, just like he said he would. You two lounged around, gossiped about annoying co-workers and bosses, sipped on lemonade, and overall, were having a grand ol’ time. Sukuna wasn’t at the apartment, he was out doing something you didn’t bother asking about.

One thing led to another, and all of a sudden, you and Naoki were talking about feelings. It all happened so fast, you didn’t even notice that Naoki had asked you to be his girlfriend until you found yourself drifting to the thought of Sukuna. Of course, even when someone’s asking you to get into a relationship with them, you obviously have to go thinking about another man. Of course.

But you bit your tongue, and reminded yourself that Sukuna was probably better off without you. You were just too confused, and too scared. You felt obligated to say “yes” to Naoki, and so you did.

What you didn’t expect was for Naoki to place a chaste kiss on your lips right afterwards. Like, immediately afterwards. You were too stunned to kiss back, not like you would’ve anyway. 

You blinked, once, twice, thrice, before you could form an answer. “I—Don’t you think it’s a bit early for that kind of thing?”

“Oh, ah, sorry. I got a bit excited.” Naoki pulled away from you with an apologetic look on his reddening face.

After being with Sukuna, it became a sort of reflex or an instinct to you; so you didn’t even notice that you had wiped your mouth after Naoki kissed you until he pointed it out himself, a clearly embarrassed expression on his face.

“Was it that bad of a mistake? That you had to wipe it off?” Naoki tried to joke, but he cringed at himself afterwards.

“Oh, uhm. . . Sorry, old habits die hard, huh?” You laughed nervously, trying to save the mood.

“. . .Anyways, I’m really glad it’s you that I’ve gotten now.” Naoki smiled. “I’ve always thought you were beautiful—ever since that night at the bar—but up close is a whole ��nother story.”

“O-oh! Thank you, that’s . . . really nice of you to say,” you smiled.

Sukuna was never a man of words. He never told you how good you looked or dressed. Rather, he showed you. It was obvious from the way his stare always seemed to linger at your lips, the way he tucked loose strands of hair behind your ear to get a better look at your face, the way he leaned closer to your face when in conversation. Sukuna stopped doing a lot of those things when Naoki came along, and you longed for them ever since.

“No problem! I’m sure you hear it pretty often, anyways—”

Naoki was cut off by the abrupt sound of the door being unlocked, opened, and then shut. Were you expecting someone else today? You swore you only invited Naoki over. The both of you were quick to turn your heads and face the direction of the door, where you found Sukuna standing. Thing is . . . he wasn’t alone.

Your eyes flickered up to meet Eileen’s, who was dressed in a very “date-like” outfit. Mere eye contact, and you felt your whole world crash down. Was Sukuna actually interested in Eileen? You knew that you had played Cupid for them the last few days, but you were mainly joking, since you knew Eileen was far from Sukuna’s type. You were a clear hypocrite; it hurt you to see he had actually taken your suggestion.

Eileen—opposite from you—didn’t look at all surprised by the sight of you and Naoki. She smiled at you, but you didn’t feel any authenticity in it. Still smiling, Eileen placed her hand on Sukuna’s arm, and broke eye contact with you to look at him with a warm expression on her face. It made you feel cold, and sick to the stomach.

You had said, a multitude of times, that Sukuna was better off without you. But was Eileen really the solution for that?

“Sukuna. . . Why—What are you doing here?”

The look on his face was so, so distant. You had never seen him looking at you with such lack of emotion. It almost sent shivers down your spine. “Don’t be silly. This is basically my second home. And, besides, I thought you wanted us four to all have a double date. Didn’t you?”

Fuck, that was going to come back and bite you in the ass one day or another, you thought to yourself.

“Oh . . . right. But, we probably should’ve, like, planned this out, and talked about it. Not, like, just come barging into my apartment on a random Sunday, you know?” you joked.

“It doesn’t look like you’re busy right now,” Sukuna argued.

Naoki’s eyes darted between you and Sukuna. He sensed some tension in the air, and decided to do something about it. “Well, I, for one, think it’s a great idea. For us to all have a double date.”

Because it only happened a few minutes ago, you had no chance of telling Sukuna about your new relationship. But, seeing the emotionless expression on his face, it looked like Sukuna had already put two and two together and figured everything out himself.

“Uhm. . . Okay, sure. We can have a . . ,” you almost couldn’t bring yourself to say the words, “. . . a double date.”

Sukuna crossed his arms over his chest (and all you could notice was the way his muscles flexed in the tight shirt he wore), and in the process, knocked Eileen’s hand off his arm. “Movie?” he suggested.

“Are you into science fiction, by any chance?” Naoki asked Sukuna, passing him the remote as the pink-haired man sat down on the couch, coincidentally, right by you.

“Of course. We should watch Interstellar.”

“‘Kuna, oh, my God!” Eileen exclaimed, forcing room for herself beside Sukuna. “That’s my favorite movie!”

“Oh, really? I think it’s pretty entertaining,” Sukuna replied.

Bullshit. Sukuna hated sci-fi movies more than any other genre. He loved pointing out inaccuracies and other things of the sort. He wouldn’t enjoy Interstellar, never mind watching it, unless. . . You frowned, remembering how you had told Sukuna about Eileen’s favorite movie. Maybe he really was interested in Eileen after all, and wanted to have something in common with her.

You felt uneasy just by the possibility of that idea. But you knew full well you shouldn’t have. You were the one who called this arranged relationship fake in the first place, so why did you want it to be more than that? To be real?

It wasn’t fair.

Day after day, you had slowly begun to realize that maybe you weren’t as in love with Naoki as you had thought. Hell, you weren’t in love with him at all. He liked macaroni and cheese, you liked macaroni and cheese, but that was about it. He was nice, but he wasn’t even close to your type.

You wanted someone who used actions more than words. You wanted someone with charisma, and the ability to be naturally funny. You wanted someone who knew their way around a kitchen. You wanted someone who could teach you how to ice skate. You wanted someone to care about you and your health. You wanted Sukuna.

Fuck. You wanted Sukuna so bad. So bad. It took you years to realize, months to say it yourself, and an infinite amount of days to act upon it. You wanted Sukuna; you needed Sukuna. But it wasn’t right. And it sure as hell wasn’t just.

There, you said it. You said it all. You had ruined everything.

You wanted Sukuna most when you couldn’t have him. You were right, as much as you hated to admit it. Sukuna was better off without you.

Guilt had already completely overtaken your mind and soul when you suddenly realized that you had zoned out in the middle of everyone figuring out which movie to watch.

“Girl, hello?” asked Eileen, waving a hand in front of your face. “Earth to—”

“Sorry. I—I was just . . . thinking about something. Anyway, what movie did you guys pick?”

“White Chicks,” Naoki answered. “We decided since we’ve all seen Interstellar, we should just watch something else.”

You nodded. “Alright, then. I’ll go make the popcorn.”

As you stood up to walk into the kitchen, you noticed a pair of footsteps behind you. Turning around, your eyes met Sukuna’s; his face expressionless, save for the slight furrow of his brows.

“I can trust you with macaroni,” Sukuna began, “but I cannot trust you making popcorn without blowing up this whole city.”

“Seriously?” you laughed, but you didn’t stop him.

The both of you stood in the kitchen, as still as statues, quiet as mice, and watched as the seconds ticked down on the microwave in big, red numbers. You spent two minutes thinking about all the time you had ever spent with Sukuna, and the last minute thinking about Naoki. As the seconds passed, you found your body gradually leaning closer and closer to Sukuna, until the two of you were shoulder to shoulder.

When you looked at Sukuna, with forty seconds left on the microwave, it almost seemed like he turned to look at you simultaneously. His eyes were empty, and the light in them was faint. They looked more brown than they did red, which was a rare occurrence for every blue moon.

“I’ve missed you,” you blurted out, before you could realize what you were saying.

“You saw me yesterday.”

“That’s . . . twenty-four hours too long.”

Sukuna leaned down, till your noses were almost touching, and his breath fanned your face. His gaze drifted from your eyes, to the curve of your nose, to your cheekbones, and then, to your lips.

“Huh, funny. I feel the same way.”

Last time, you had not an idea who leaned in first. But this time, it was you. And you knew, for sure, because you wanted to. You needed to. And so you did. It was simple as that.

You had Sukuna’s face cupped in your hands, and your lips pressed against his in a frenzied kiss that made your knees go weak. Sukuna quickly kissed back with just as much enthusiasm, if not more, and held you by the back of your head. The both of you, controlled by no bounds and already having forgotten about the cousins in the living room, kissed with abandon.

Sukuna’s hands were cold, and rough, but they were gentle and gingerly when tangling themselves within your hair. It was like a routine, for Sukuna to twirl strands of your hair between his fingers. He usually did it subconsciously.

Your heart felt heavy, and you knew, with all your mind, that what you were doing was wrong. But . . . it felt so right that you didn’t know how to feel. You were weighed down by your conscience and your guilt, but even then, your heart kept calling out for a man who you knew you couldn’t have.

“Mmm,” you sighed, pulling away from Sukuna with a regretful look on your face. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck are you sorry for?” Sukuna teased, but he straightened up when he noticed the frown clear as day on your face.

“It’s. . . It wasn’t supposed to go this far,” you began, casting your eyes downward. “This was supposed to be casual, a fake relationship. I—I didn’t plan for it to be so realistic. And, besides, we’re both seeing other people, anyway. This . . . isn’t right, Sukuna.”

You hated to admit it, but you knew it was true.

For a second, Sukuna looked dumbfounded, an expression you rarely saw on him. But then his confusion turned to melancholy, and then to exasperation. “Casual? Casual! Was it just casual when we kissed all those other times? When we kissed in the dark, hidden away from the world and everyone else? Was it just casual when we made macaroni and cheese together? Like you’ve always dreamed of? You can try all you fucking want to pretend none of that shit happened. But guess what? They still did. And, you know—fuck. Forget it. This whole relationship has been far from casual.”

Your mouth opened and closed, but for a few moments, no sound came out. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” (You did, you really did have a great idea of what he was talking about, but couldn’t indulge it.)

You were hurt, more hurt than you had ever felt in your whole life. It was an awful, absurd idea, but you really needed Sukuna to understand that what you were trying to do was incredibly necessary. Sukuna should have never agreed to your stupid “curse removal idea” and you should have never brought it up.

But you did, and now everything was ruined. Sukuna was focused on you, and you were focused on him. At first, you didn’t want to believe what you felt about Sukuna, but you could only push those thoughts away for so long. You’ve made your bed, and must lie in it. 

All of a sudden, you’re in a relationship with Naoki, while having feelings and thoughts and desires about another man whom you truly, truly loved. Your world was completely messed up, flipped upside down. You needed time to yourself, to become less confused. Being in this relationship with Sukuna for any longer would just be digging a deeper grave for yourself.

“Of course you don’t.”

“. . .Excuse me?”

“Do you seriously think I would date someone I had zero feelings for?” Sukuna pressed.

“Remind me how this is relevant.”

“How can you be this fucking dense? Oh, right, because you have no idea what it means to want someone you can’t have.” Sukuna poked a finger to your chest to emphasize the word “you”.

“Come again?”

“You have no idea what it feels like to be in love with someone since childhood and have them be completely oblivious to your feelings. I’ve watched you love and hate, smile and cry, and yet, you’ve never even so much as glanced my way.” Sukuna sighed, pinching the space between his brows. “You’re focused on anything but me.”

You were expecting it, but you were still surprised to hear it with your own ears. You had truly fucked up. “I—you—why didn’t you tell me how you felt before—?”

“Does it matter? You wouldn’t have felt the same way; I know. But whatever, you’re right. It was wrong for me to kiss you. You finally found someone who loves macaroni and cheese. Congratulations. There’s no reason for this fake relationship to continue. It’s done, we’re done.” Sukuna gave you one last look from over his shoulder, before turning around and walking out of the kitchen.

He couldn’t possibly be serious. You could not believe that Sukuna was really throwing away your friendship because of this. Of course, he had good reasons, and you would probably do the same if you were in his shoes, but. . .

“Sukuna. . .” you whispered, a last attempt at fixing things. You needed to explain, because right now, you sounded like the biggest dick in the world. But, Sukuna probably didn’t want to see your face ever again, and how can you possibly explain yourself to someone who didn’t want to hear an explanation?

As if by a miracle of God, Sukuna stopped in his tracks at the sound of his name, and turned around to face you with an indifferent expression painted across his features. “I only have one last question for you. Did you finally get what you wanted?”

There is a current heatwave where I live. And yet, I feel so cold without your touch.

[shimishimii]

everybody’s falling in love but me

⟿ wc; 2k+

⟿ Sakusa Kiyoomi x gn reader ; dramatic fluff, for me this is really a cute fic, hope you like it

⟿ have you ever felt like everyone’s been experiencing love and relationships as if it was a trend and you’re getting left behind? I wrote this fic because of that

He hears another rant from Atsumu. Hinata rushes to guess, and Sakusa doesn’t need to listen further to determine what this is all about.

Love. Again.

How long did Atsumu’s previous partner lasted? Two weeks? 6 days? A night?

He sat at the gym floor and sees Bokuto smiling cheekily despite his girlfriend coming over to scold him for overexerting given his shoulder injury. Hinata is on a call with Kageyama, grinning and jumping, as if practice was not tiring enough.

He passes on Atsumu’s request, heavily declining to stay up until midnight taking care of wobbly legs and liquor drowned cognition. And for a well-built set of athletes, it sure is a heavy work.

Besides, the topic will be the same. Atsumu vents, hogs all the drama, Bokuto and Hinata would comfort him while Meian tries to give a man-to-man advice. And when the night breeze grows heavy and their hazy eyes starts to cloud with brimming tears with a weird mixture of laughter, only tales of love would escape their lips.

Sakusa shakes his head and hurries packing up knowing the blonde setter would drag everyone out for a drink. And no matter what kind of opinion he says, his teammates would point out his own demise. Right, he is not even in a relationship.

All his friends seem to feel warm and giddy talking about the important people in their life. Sure, their partners had flaws, but all those details seem to fit the puzzle. Drawn back by time again and again, as if tethered by invisible threads of affinity, through complains and smiles, they keep coming back.

Like it was meant to be.

Even if it meant his heart would always be at the edge of heaven and hell all the time?

He likes his comfort zone as it is even if it means he is alone. Alone but not lonely, well, most of the time.

Sakusa can’t fathom the idea of how they can be willing to gamble on the table, hoping that their partner would show a card of heart.

Of all computed probabilities, love must be a question of chance.

Dumb luck. Fate. Destiny.

Whatever it is, his walls are tall enough for love to even take a peek.

Sometimes, confusion spreads over him, was he being left out? Is his heart just half a piece and there’s actually a need for someone to complete it?

Actually, he never liked putting much effort in liking someone. Simply, the time and attention to spend, he thinks it is not worth it.

He assumes several points, mostly illogical, but he thinks otherwise.

First, to get used to someone’s warmth and the eternal winter that would follow once it’s gone. Second, he doesn't want to be a memory in someone's past, archived and forgotten as though once upon a time, he was just a side character in a story.

Lastly, but of course you will never hear him admit it.

He feels scared. Once he ends up alone, back to how he always was, he does not know how to cope with such loss.

With that, he prefers not feeling anything, getting attached, or falling in love at all.

There’s the constant fear of being left alone and hurt. For a heart to get used to a rhythm and then long a melody of what your heartbeat used to dance to.

But of course, he knows it is more complicated than that. And it was never easy admitting it. It’s hard to express this feeling. Of hoping to love and be loved, at the same time still enjoying the peace of solitude.

It seems to be an ignorant bliss, when you don’t know love drawn along the lines of commitment. Sure, he can admire someone but not in a way there’ll be a ring on his finger someday and vows will be exchanged.

His feelings were often intellectualized, and the words just never materialize.

There’s another fear that lingers, that admitting his feelings means a promise. That he will never leave them too.

What if his feelings change along the way?

He admires the concept of affection and intimacy but not when it is about someone’s name to be carved in his heart.

It seems fun. No, fun is not the word for it. It’s difficult to describe, but loving and being loved must be something special.

‘Who am I to find joy in such experience?’ He often asks himself.

So, he will simply think about this for a few nights, or days, or during showers, in-between tv shows, just enough to acknowledge this feeling and let it go.

See, there’s a lot of issues he is still working on. And may it be a decade or a century, he wishes to be well prepared before he falls in love.

Because he knows when he falls, it will be like gravity had him on a chokehold.

“You’re meeting again?” Bokuto asks. Suddenly, everyone’s attention is on him.

It’s an early end for their practice today. It barely warmed him up. Although Sakusa protests, he plays anyway. He grumbles but still plays volleyball all too well. Hinata complains how he can hate and love a thing, and still be good at it.

“Right Omi, I wonder why’s that” Atsumu sneaks a remark, with a hand placed on his shoulder, eyebrows wiggling. His teammates are too good at jumping, often at conclusions.

“It’s for that case settlement” Sakusa replies.

“The house ownership?” Everyone pauses to listen as Atsumu speaks. “Wonder how someone did manage to scam you” Atsumu’s right. He thinks of himself as ahead of analyzing people, turns out he’s vulnerable when someone offers something with the label ‘sale’.

“Why not let it go? You’re rich, unless you want to keep going on those ‘case meetings’ huh”

Sakusa simply sighs. The scammer was caught months ago, but there wasn’t any progress on who gets the house. Sakusa Kiyoomi, who finally decided to buy a house, somehow ended up tangled with you.

Both of you paid the full amount for the house, caught off guard by the ‘sale’. Said it was 50% off (it never was). Truly, the scammer knows capitalism by its roots, selling the house to both Sakusa and you, presented as a bargain but gained twice the amount. And unfortunately, the money was gone in thin air. The positive side was, it was named after you and Sakusa but both of you have to decide how to settle the ownership.

The judge suggested two options:

a) one gets the house, the other compensated with money

b) sell the house, both gets compensated with money

However, both of you refuses to give away the house. It’s a perfect deal, both near your workplaces, spacious, newly renovated, completely furnished, and has that perfect aesthetic of the interior you both dreamed of.

Sakusa already told this dilemma to his teammates. He has no choice, it’s been months, and both of you kept meeting but ends up arguing. No wins, no losses. A perfect stagnant problem.

“Let Kiyoomi enjoy his dates—”

“It’s a meeting” Sakusa retorts.

“Right, and the sun’s a star” Atsumu rolls his eyes.

“It’s a star?” Hinata quickly replies, with furrowed brows.

“Well, whatever you call it, seems like you’re enjoying anyways” Atsumu shrugs. Bokuto and Hinata nods.

“They’re annoying at best” Sakusa replies, massaging his forehead thinking what chaos it will be again later.

“If you don’t like each other so much, why bother meet all the time?” Hinata asks.

“Specifically, at least twice a week” Bokuto agrees.

And Sakusa’s left defenseless. His walls came crashing down.

He ignores everything they say after, as he usually does. He finishes packing up and proceeds to check your message. He searches the location where your date will be—discussion, he smiles at his silly mistake.

On the other hand, you are getting uneasy how today will turn out although you are sure an argument will be present. It’s quite a joke you kept meeting someone despite your desire to avoid things that are a waste of time.

Meeting Sakusa is not a waste of time, isn’t it?

You deny the excitement building up waiting on him as he shows up in gym clothes compared to your academia themed outfit. It was like someone on a fitness journey was meeting up with a crumbling postgrad student.

With black sweatpants, an inch higher than his ankle, and his regular fitted black shirt, you spot Kiyoomi. As marvelous and nonchalant as ever.

Kiyoomi looks from outside the cafe’s window and pauses for almost a minute, thinking of something nice to say.

You also prepared a few phrases on your mind, something about the weather. How cloudy skies compliments the hue of his hair and eyes, captivating his features so well.

But the moment you meet, and words come out from your mouths, he was baffled how something about the weather turned into an argument about ecological footprints. Maybe because Kiyoomi kept on using his car despite the training venue being streets away. You point it out and Kiyoomi would never admit his purpose of hoping to drive you home sometime. So, he contradicts your words by the number of items you kept on purchasing and why consumerism keeps on depleting the earth’s resources.

After some lengthy banter, silence precedes.

But Sakusa wonders what remains loud, no one’s talking but something remains loud.

Then he realizes, there’s the beat on his chest.

He begins to get baffled by how many paradoxes can exist all at once.

Like how he can hate your guts but keeps making his days available just to see you.

How can he be so selfish of not wanting to give up the house just so he can hear you ramble about your life, why it was your dream house, how can it benefit your working hours, and how you hate pets are not allowed in your current apartment complex.

He hates this. How his practice tires him out but ends up coming back to meet you. Like it was meant to be.

You could also list your reasons to hate him.

You hate how he becomes silent suddenly. But his nonverbal gestures tell a lot and more than what you need to know. Like how his lips slowly lift when your reasoning was actually right. Or the way he orders for the both of you and never misses any detail, he gets it right without even asking you. Even the way he leans forward slightly just so he can hear you clearly and remind you he is listening whenever you share anything.

You begin to remind yourself, think with your head not that thing in your chest.

Of all computed probabilities, love may not be a question of chance…but a choice.

Dumb luck. Fate. Destiny.

Whatever it was, he might be slowly getting it.

You are not there to complete him. Neither he does. But simply sitting in front of him, with his pretty hair, and cute grunts. And all his snide remarks, the comments how your outfit suits you, remembering what your favorite coat is, his random sarcasm, how he remembers all the stories you told him.

His mandatory habit of collecting the receipt with your doodles, how he informs you ahead of his schedule making sure you are a part of it, and simply being with each other.

It is not just a question what this situation is. It is an enigma.

You hate him.

And damn right, he hates you too.

But you both say goodbye with smiles on your face.

Another meeting is set on a shared online calendar you previously both agreed on.

Also, the house still belongs to both of you.

a/n: I admit I get jealous of the "love experience" and I admit I never tried a relationship. Because like what I wrote, it was not the fear of love, it's the fear of losing someone you love.

[aureatchi]

˚୨୧ ｡ ˚ IT WAS A NIGHT TO REMEMBER . — osamu dazai

⟢ SYNOPSIS. after a long week of work, you and your best friend retreat to a bar to distract yourself from your responsibilities. however, you find it unfulfilling and decide you need to just go home. as you head out the door, you bump into someone more than familiar.

a/n. it’s the way i immediately thought of him when i first heard this song. <3

info. fem!reader. exes to lovers!au. we have the full recipe…fluff; light angst; gets really sugg. mentions of drinking; scars. your best friend hates dazai. hc dazai doesn’t bandage his tummy. (ᗒᗜᗕ) ﾉ wc. 3.6k

“It’s just a lot.”

You just finished the final shift of your job for the week, and you were more than exhausted and burnt out. You had called your best friend immediately after to get some comfort, and despite how busy she was, she agreed to meet you for some drinks and listen to you rant.

“My coworker’s getting on my last nerve,” you continued venting. You had already told her about select crappy people you had to interact with during the day and then your boss, who regarded you with no empathy whatsoever. “Today’s already been bad enough, and then she decides to just pile more stress on me.”

You swished the ice around your emptied glass, creating clanking sounds while coating the cup in water.

“Maybe you should just quit,” your friend replied, taking a sip out of her glass. “I would’ve been long gone if I had to deal with annoying people all around, nine to five.”

She looked up at you. “Besides, you’re well off anyway. I don’t see why you’re working. Are you…trying to distract yourself?”

You sighed. She knew you too well.

“Love, don’t tell me you’re still hung up over—“

“It’s not what you think,” you cut her off, yet you avoided eye contact. It was easier to lie that way. “I just feel I’d have too much free time on my hands. I’m not sure what I’d do with it.”

You let out a dry chuckle. That wasn’t wholly false in itself, either. At your age, everyone had their own things going on—your best friend being an example. Therefore, you couldn’t find much time to go out with any of your friends, and you weren’t interested in meeting new people either.

You could blame your job. Perhaps the ones you meet every day put a sour taste on your tongue, making you lose any desire to interact with strangers. You could blame your exhaustion. Or…

“Honestly, I think that calls for someone new in your life,” your friend replied. “That’ll surely cure your boredom.”

“No thanks. I don’t feel like dating anyone right now.”

“I’m just kidding,” she laughed. “But it’d help you feel less lonely, no?”

“…you didn’t believe my answer to your earlier question, huh?”

“No. Of course not.”

It had been over five months since you broke up with your boyfriend. You tried seeing people after that, but in truth, you were only using them to try to move on.

Once you realized that it wasn’t working and it wasn’t fair for others to play with feelings, you decided to take on a new job on the other side of the city so you’d still get out of your house and have a change of scene.

“…But you know what? Screw him. I will keep saying again and again, I hate that man. Suicidal maniac. I know it’s hard, but you’re too hot to keep dwelling on this. You need to learn to move o—”

Your friend’s phone suddenly buzzed, interrupting her little lecture.

She picked it up, and you waited for her to finish speaking.

“I’m sorry, I think I got to go. I left my boyfriend with my cat, and he just told me he lost her already…” she shook her head. “Have you gotten out everything you wanted to say?”

“Yeah, thanks,” you replied. “I think I’ll go home soon, too. Not really feeling it.”

She stood up, handing you a bill with a smile. “Drinks on me tonight. Don’t complain—I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer. And we didn’t order much anyway.”

“That’s okay; I appreciate you coming to listen to me anyway,” you replied.

“The offer is still open, by the way! If you want to find someone, I’ll schedule a date by this weekend.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever. Thanks.”

…

You only had one more drink before you decided to leave, still mostly sober—you figured it’d just be best if you’d take care of yourself at home.

Another thing your job was also distracting you from was witnessing all the relationships around you. Your friend had to go home for her boyfriend. You noticed a few couples at the bar you were at. You’d probably see more when you walked outside.

Not that you minded, is what you tried to tell yourself every single time. You didn’t have to be with someone. It’s okay to have a break.

But was it okay to still have a particular person at the back of your head all the time?

You stood up, leaving the bill and tip for your bartender before you walked toward the door. Opening it caused the bell attached to it to jingle. You were greeted by a cool, night breeze—and someone’s torso.

“O-Oh, sorry,” you replied, too tired to even catch the face of the person you bumped into.

But you had no choice when the man didn’t move out of the doorframe to walk in or allow you to pass.

So, when you met the almost-surprised, caramel-kissed eyes on a face framed with dark brown bangs and wavy hair, you felt your heart plunge into your stomach.

You whispered his name—almost scared to say it, the syllables feeling foreign from not having spoken it aloud for months.

“…Osamu.”

He was halfway through saying your name when you dashed for the exit, shoving him aside and speed-walking out.

“Wait! Bel—“ he caught himself and shouted your name once more.

You started walking down the parking lot, unsure of where you were trying to go, except away—away from Dazai. You had forgotten this bar was in the heart of the city. You didn’t know Dazai came to this one, but you knew his work was somewhere close.

“Hey!” you felt a breeze behind your back, and then a hand gently land on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks.

“What…why are you following me?”

You turned around, getting your second full view of your ex for the night.

His hair was a bit longer. He still had those bandages on his neck—did he bother to change them out recently? His scent was as still as you remembered—grassy and toasty, a resemblance to green tea.

“I’m not sure why I’d leave a girl I know to walk alone at night,” he shrugged. “It’s dangerous!”

You continued walking, not responding to his reply.

“Where are we going?”

“Who’s we?”

“Aw, that was really rude.”

You ignored Dazai, making sure your stroll stayed a few feet in front of him.

You then entered a park, him trailing behind you.

“Why were you at the bar alone?”

“That’s none of your business.” You walked down the path, trees casting dark shadows onto the grass under the moon’s light.

“…And I wasn’t alone the entire time. I was with a friend, but she left to attend something.”

Dazai nodded, trying to catch up to your face. You immediately gave him more than enough space when he reached you, not wanting any invasion of your personal space.

“But you usually don’t drink unless you’re either celebrating or stressed,” he said. “And from what I’ve seen, it looks like the latter.”

You stopped again. “Again, it’s none of your business. Maybe you should focus on yours. You go and drink tons when you’re stressed, too.”

“Hey, I’ve actually gotten better at that…”

“You still ended up at a bar midweek.”

“But I didn’t even go in, no? I’m with you at a park right now.”

You were silent once again. But now you couldn’t complain that he was following you.

Why do I care if he drinks or not?

No. It’s normal. You’d care for the well-being of anyone you know.

You approached a set of swings in the center of the park. It had been ages since you’d been on one, swinging back and forth in carefree.

“Want me to push you?” you heard Dazai over your shoulder when you examined the equipment.

“Heck no,” you responded.

“Why not? It’d be fun!” He moved closer.

“No! I’m not sure if it’d even carry me,” you laughed. “It’s for kids.”

“You can try it. Just sit. And I’ll catch you if it breaks—“

“Shut up. I can catch myself.” You lowered yourself onto the seat, seeing that the metal poles did hold. You swung yourself a bit to test if it’d keep up your weight.

“It works.”

“Great! Can I push you now?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I don’t trust you.”

“I won’t kill you, bel—I won’t! I promise.” Dazai childishly held out a pinkie toward you.

You sighed. “Fine. Just please don’t push me too high.” You clasped your pinkie around his.

“I got you!” You felt palms on your back, and then a light push that moved you forward, and then gravity pulled you back toward him.

Everything pulls me back to him—my mind and the universe both.

You were suddenly pushed higher, catching you off guard. You felt yourself fly multiple feet off of the ground, and you clutched the metal in panic.

“H-Help—Osamu!”

“You’re fine. You won’t fall,” Dazai chuckled. He pushed you again, sending you even higher than the previous time. You wanted to scream, but it came out more as a laugh.

“Is the thrill fun?” he asked while you were in the air, noticing your smile.

“Yeah, it is—HEY!”

Dazai had pushed you hard, sending you swinging all around the equipment, in a complete three-sixty.

“Osamu!” you cried, the momentum spinning you around once more. You couldn’t stop it—it was too fast.

You were clutched from behind, arms tightly wrapped around your torso to stop the swing. You could hear the sound of Dazai being dragged through the rocks below, but he was able to ground the both of you before you went flying again.

And you felt warm. Despite the evening’s cool air, you felt like you were encompassed in a fireplace’s heat on a winter day.

“Got you.”

You let out a giant exhale of relief. And then, you turned around in anger.

“I told you not to push me that high!”

“But I didn’t kill you, did I? You stayed on the swing the entire time! You were safe! Plus, I think you enjoyed it.”

You stood up, causing Dazai to let go of his arms. “I’m dizzy now.”

“Do you need water? We can buy some. And did you drive here?”

“No, I took a taxi.”

“Let me drive you home then,” he said.

“I think I’m fin—“

“Please,” he cut you off almost urgently, but then he caught his tone and reverted.

“I mean, many kidnappers disguise themselves as taxi drivers. Especially at night.”

“You’re still so cynical,” you replied. “Stop being so protective. It’s not like we’re…nevermind, sorry.”

You didn’t dare look at Dazai’s expression.

…

You each got a yogurt drink, and it helped soothe your dizziness immediately.

You walked by Dazai silently, but compared to earlier in the night, you were no longer repulsed to standing by him.

He opened his car door for you before getting in his seat on the other side.

“What have you been up to these past months?”

You asked as he found his keys, turning them into gear.

“A case. It’s something huge going on.”

Dazai’s work accounted for part of your breaking up with him. He was too secretive—despite you knew that he trusted you so much that he explained to you exactly what his job consisted of, and he only left details out to protect you from getting involved, you couldn’t handle it.

Maybe you were selfish for that. But you needed to know what your boyfriend was up to—if he was safe. Perhaps that was another reason why. You would never let him go if you knew of the exact danger he was volunteering himself in.

“I see. Sleeping okay?”

“If I do, sure.” He was suddenly reaching over your body, grabbing your seatbelt.

Your heartbeat fastened as Dazai hovered over you, pausing to look at anticipating eyes and a risky glance at slightly parted lips.

He sighed before fastening the buckle and moving away, acting like nothing happened.

…

You two drove in silence, you gazing out of the car window to admire how the city looked in the absence of the sun.

A song was suddenly put on. You looked at Dazai.

“Do you still like this song?”

“Yeah,” you replied. He had put on your favorite song, indeed.

You silently thanked him for it. The awkward tension to speak to one another had vanished; you could indulge yourself in music.

Until it ended, of course, but by then, you could see you were almost home.

“Osamu.”

“Yes?”

“This was a really bad idea. I hope I never see you again after this.”

“Probably, but maybe I wanted it to happen. Maybe I thought about you so much that I had to seize this opportunity.”

“What?”

“What if I hope to see you again after this?”

“You can go flirt with any other girl for entertainment.” He did a lot of that, too. Even if it was Dazai’s most efficient tactic for getting information, he had also said he simply couldn’t help it sometimes.

“I don’t find that interesting anymore.”

You looked at his distant, faint reflection through your window.

“…you think about me?”

You were answered with a nod.

Dazai turned, pulling you into your driveway.

“I’ll continue to even more after tonight,” he said. “Whether we see each other again or not. It plagues my mind every day. What I could’ve done better—how much you deserve that I failed to reach.”

He parked. “Of course, I’ve tried to move on. It’s the most fair thing to do for you. But if someone were to ask me, bella, saying that I don’t still love you would be a lie.”

“You’re selfish,” you commented.

“I know. I’m very.”

You opened the door, stepping out of the car.

“Thank you for driving me,” you said.

You walked towards your front door and then looked back at Dazai, who was standing by his side of the car.

You contemplated for a second.

“D-do you have something to do for the rest of the night?” you carefully asked.

“No.”

“Can you stay? Just for a bit. We can talk about things. And hopefully, you get some answers that will help you stop occupying your mind of me.”

You said that as if you were trying to convince yourself, rather Dazai.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” You pushed open the door.

Dazai followed you as you walked through the house—through the hallway and to the kitchen.

“Do you want something to eat? Or drink?”

“I’m okay, thanks,” he replied.

“Alright. Uh…feel free to make yourself at home. I’m going to change, I’ll be right back.”

…

You walked into your room, first washing your face in the bathroom. You stared at your face through the window, noticing how pigmented your cheeks were.

Why did I do this?

You were in the middle of changing your pajamas when Dazai knocked on your door.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh—“ you hastily buttoned two thirds of your shirt before, “Yeah.”

A smell of your favorite scent immediately flowed into the room as Dazai came in. It was of the candles you had around your house.

“You lit my candles?”

“Yeah. I got curious because the flavors looked nice. I like them. The scent matches you perfectly.”

“Oh…thanks,” you mumbled. You didn’t know how else to respond.

Dazai glanced around your room. Some things changed—you had moved some things around, redone the decor on your nightstands, changed your bed sheets…what he didn’t know was that you actually donated them after the break-up so you would never see them again.

“Did you need something?”

“Yeah. Do you still happen to have bandages?”

“Yes.” You had Dazai sit on the bed while you searched your closet for the box of bandages you would keep for whenever he came over. Unlike your sheets, you had kept them for your emergency first aid.

Or in case he happened to be in an emergency.

“What do you think you could’ve done better?”

There was a silence right after. You had hit Dazai with a hard question first.

“I’d stop disappearing so much without warning. I only realized how much I took that for granted when we stopped seeing each other. I would try to communicate better…” He looked down. “I’m terrible at it, I know, but I would try harder.”

“Why me? You could move on and find some other girl to treat right the first time.” You found the box, pulling it out.

“Because I would feel like a loser,” he added your name to the end of the sentence. “I was a total jerk to someone who loved me, and then I decide to switch it up for someone new and pretend to start on a clean slate? No, bella—I’m cursed with not forgetting and forgiving myself of the past. It feels cowardly.”

“Osamu, stop. You hurt me, yes, but you weren’t the only one in the wrong.

“I-I’m sorry.” You hadn’t apologized to him yet, through months.

You noticed his eyes almost widen, surprised.

“And I also forgive you. It took awhile, but I’m forgiving you of the mistakes that hurt me,” you continued. “And I’m apologizing to you too. So please forgive yourself. You don’t need to feel guilt.

“It’s only fair to you as well to move on.”

“Why, bella? How is it fair? How is it fair when the only person I want to see is you?”

“Osamu.”

You were right in front of him, the closest you’d been to him that night, discarding how he had tightly hugged you on the swing earlier. You were drowned in emotion that surrounded his desperate pleas.

“Can you please bandage me?”

“Why?”

“I miss your touches.”

You regret asking. He had no shame in expressing his thoughts, no matter what you two were going through. You regret asking, yet…

“Your coat.”

You climbed behind and rid Dazai of the top portion of his clothes—his vest and dress shirt. Then, you started unwinding the bandages on his arms, chest, and neck.

Gently, your fingers grazed the scars that hid underneath his attire, and his mind. Months ago, you had learned what every single mark came from after knowing where each one was—it was one detail Dazai fully opened to you about.

You were thankful you couldn’t see scars of the heart.

He would have thrice as many. Perhaps one of them would include you.

You rewrapped Dazai, leaving only his stomach unbandaged. You moved to do his neck when he paused you with his eyes, mere inches away from his face.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

You wish he weren’t so pretty. You would’ve been able to rationalize yourself quickly—you would’ve been able to give him a final answer without hesitating. But he ended up being the face of your dreams and the depth of your heart.

“I tell myself it’s fair,” you whispered. His nose was almost touching yours. “I tell myself it’s better that we’re done. But my heart isn’t so sure. It asks the same—how is it fair? To keep myself longing?”

Your arms were around Dazai’s neck with the bandage, yet you did not move to finish.

His gaze moved to your lips. A hand moved to your hair.

“Is it fair? If it truly is, push me away, bella.”

He didn’t force himself any closer, leaving you with the choice despite his yearning appearance. You could feel the warmth of his body on yours and the soft air of his breaths on your cheeks.

“Yes. It’s fair, Osamu.” You came to your conclusion.

Yet, you dropped the bandages, cupped his face towards you, and pressed your lips on his.

“But I’m selfish too.”

You moved your hands to waft through brunette locks as Dazai pulled you onto his lap. He held you tightly—desperate at the acceptance of your invitation.

Closer, along with the fresh scent of green tea, there was a note of sweetness as intoxicating as chocolate. You came to know this pleasant surprise every time you were pressed up against him, tucked well into his embrace.

A hand moved down your waist, tracing your curves. Meanwhile, his kisses became sloppier, changing course to your jaw.

“Bella,” he whispered.

“Osamu?”

“Too much? Just let me know.”

“Don’t stop.”

He planted his lips on your neck, leaving a mark when he moved to the next area.

“I don’t want to lose you again. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” you replied, pulling him down over you.

“Everything about you,” Dazai continued. “It’s enchanting. How you smile when you’re flustered—like right now, and how you react when I touch you here…”

His hand found its way under your shirt, and you started laughing. He knew how and where to draw every specific reaction out of you, including where you were most ticklish.

“Osamu! Stop, hah-!”

You let him stay hovered over you and left his curious hands to wander your skin. Dazai looked free of emotional distress for once—being able to calm just by admiring you. It was like medicine.

“Do you still keep a spare pajama set?” he asked.

“Yes. However, the guest room is being renovated.”

“It’s fine. A couch was a luxury for me at one point.”

“Or you…could stay here. And you can have your favorite side, the side closer to the window.”

“Because I always see how the sun’s rays lay on your skin when I wake up,” he smiled. “And how spellbound your eyes make me when you open them and the light hits it.”

“You remember so much.”

“I told you how much I think about you, belladonna. I remember every night that I’m with you.”

dazai listens to music w/ u if u rb. reblogs are cherished; they support me as a creator. <3

© AUREATCHI 2023. no reposts or translations. do not steal.

[alexfromjersey]

ℂ𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 | 𝕁𝕖𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕆𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕘𝕒

Jenna Ortega x Black!Reader

summary: you and jenna have been in a relationship for the past eight years when suddenly everything starts to get rocky.

warnings: mature language, angst, violence, jenna doing some dirty shit

a/n: idk why but I wanted to write some angsty 😬? God forbid this ever happened to me cause I’ll be in jail…

“Who is she Y/n?”

That was the first thing you heard when you walked into your home after a long day at work. You just got off an agonizing 12-hour shift at the warehouse and all you wanted to do was shower, eat, and then sleep.

“Who is who Jenna?” You tiredly questioned as you pulled off your boots and work jacket.

First of all let me say, you can’t accuse me of all the things, you know you’re guilty of

“The woman you’ve been sneaking around with” Jenna answered and sipped her wine. Her eyes never leaving your figure.

You sighed, “Please don’t start this shit again tonight please I’m exhausted.”

That it is easy for you to blame everything on me

“I wonder why. Too exhausted from all the lying, the sneaking around, fucking her, and giving her all the attention that’s supposed to be for me” Jenna snapped.

“How many times do I have to say that I’m not fucking anyone, Jenna! What’s your problem? For the past two weeks, you’ve been accusing me of seeing some imaginary woman when all I do is work and come home to you. I don’t even go out with my friends anymore when will I have time to cheat on you” You questioned her loudly.

“How do I know you’re going to work? You could easily say it and go somewhere else” Jenna said.

“Jesus Christ you have my location on your phone!” You shouted.

“You could have left it at your job and left to go sleep with her” Jenna shrugged.

If that’s the case I should go have my fun and do all the things you say I do

You scoffed and just let out a laugh, “How fucked up in the head are you? Maybe I should do all this shit since you think that’s my grandmaster scheme. Drive almost an hour away to go to work, leave my phone at my job, miss out on a shift that makes me lose money, and go fuck a girl.”

You laughed and walked straight past the woman. You walked up the stairs and into your bedroom. Your patience was wearing thin and if you didn’t step away from her, you were going to say something to really hurt her feelings.

Girl, I can’t continue to take this from you

“I can’t fucking win with this girl man. Ever since she came back from filming that new movie, she’s been on a thousand. Accusing me of cheating and lying shit. I don’t do anything but go to work and go home” You ranted to your best friend Donny.

It was your day off, you sitting on your front porch watching the cars pass by when you felt the need to vent to someone. You haven’t seen Jenna since last night, you slept on the couch and when you woke up she was nowhere to be seen. She only left a note telling you that she was going to be hanging with Emma. You invited Donny over to hang out for a little.

“Maybe she just needs some of that groundbreaking pipe” Donny chuckled.

“I would if she let me touch her. She won’t let me go near her to initiate anything. Haven’t had sex since she left and I haven’t stepped out once” You stated.

“Oof you better than me. I would have cheated as soon as she left” Donny admitted unashamed.

“Yeah that’s why your ass is single” You chuckled.

Donny chuckled also and shrugged, “I’m just keeping it real.”

Suddenly, a message notification came from the top of your phone. It was from one of your co-workers that you used to go get a drink with.

When you say I was out with somebody else when my girl told me she saw you with some girl

Kai:

yo I just seen your girl

Your eyes furrowed at the message.

You:

seen her where?

Kai:

the shopping center a town over. I’m out with my daughter and she pointed her out. she walked away from some tall-looking man but I’m pretty sure it was her

At the mention of a man, you furrowed your eyebrows. She told you she was hanging with Emma today. You needed to get to the bottom of this. You found Jenna’s number and just as you were about to click it. A FaceTime call from her came.

You answered it and all you saw was the roof of a car. You go to say something but you hear the sound of a soft moan in the background. You put yourself on mute and turn your volume up.

“Oh my…you feel so good baby” You heard Jenna moan.

Donny’s eyes widen at the sound coming from your phone. He was in disbelief that this was happening to you.

Your heart starts beating faster and faster. Your hand kept clenching and unclenching in anger. You wanted to say something or do something but you were frozen.

Jenna’s moans continued to increase in volume and you saw the phone bounce from the movement of the car.

“I love you Luis” You heard Jenna shriek and the slapping sound increased. You then saw the phone move to a position that’ll forever be engraved in your mind. You quickly took a screenshot and hung up the phone.

It was silence for a few moments. Neither you nor Donny making a move or uttering a word. But your hands kept clenching and unclenching into fists and Donny noticed. He looks at you in concern but you pay him no mind.

You abruptly stood up from the chair and stormed into the house. Donny was hot on your heels concerned and slightly scared.

“Y/n?” Donny asked you but you ignored him. You practically run up the steps and burst into your shared room. You start to throw open all the drawers and throw out everything. You didn’t know what you were doing, just angry. You started throwing anything breakable into the wall.

The once organized and clean room was now in disarray. Clothes, shoes, and personal items were thrown and broken everywhere. Next, you moved to the walk-in closet. You threw every piece of clothing on the floor, moved the boxes from the top shelves, and threw shoes everywhere. But then you noticed a small LV purse, you got her for her birthday last year. It was tucked in a deep dark corner, you would have missed it if it wasn’t for one of her other bags falling out of place. You grabbed it, opened it, and dumped everything onto the bed.

What you saw officially confirmed your fears. It was Polaroid pictures of her and a guy you’ve met numerous times. It was one of her co-stars, Luis Gutierrez. Pictures of them kissing, at the state fair, and one in a bed.

The same bed you and her sleep in.

“Y/n…” Donny cautiously stepped towards it before his eyes landed on something on the bed. You look to where his eyes are and landed on a half of heart necklace with the initial “L” engraved into it.

After seeing that, you grabbed your jacket and left the disarrayed house with Donny following.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dude I think you should slow down on the drinking,” Donny said to you in concern.

“I think you should shut the fuck up and let me drink in peace” You snapped at the male and downed two more shots. That marks it as your fourth and fifth shot.

Donny didn’t take your words to heart either. He knew you were hurting badly. The only way you knew how to deal with that pain was by drinking until you passed out…a trait you learned from your mother.

You still didn’t feel drunk enough so you ordered another round of shots. Donny just watch you take them back like water.

“Eight years Donny…eight fucking years I gave her. All those years down the drain. She was accusing me of cheating when SHE was the fucking one sleeping with someone else!” Your voice raised in the building.

Thankfully, there weren’t many people in the bar but the ones who were turned to look at the commotion.

“I understand but calm down-”

“Man don’t tell me to fucking calm down. How the fuck am I supposed to be calm about this? My girlfriend accidentally FaceTimed me and practically showed me her fucking someone.” You laughed.

“Hey take that shit somewhere else” An angry customer demanded.

“Who the fuck is talking to you Mr. Clean” You insulted the man. He didn’t like that and he pushed you. You stumbled back into the counter but quickly recovered and pushed the man as hard as you could.

“Hey! Enough!” Donny shouted and pulled you away from the man.

“Get the fuck off me” You pushed Donny’s hands off you and walked out of the bar into the autumn weather.

You didn’t live far from the bar you were just at. You take some shortcuts and you’ll be home in 10 minutes but you wanted to take the scenic route which added an extra 8 minutes to the walk.

While you walked, you had to figure out your next move. You and Jenna share a house, a car, and a dog together. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t just up and leave. It wasn’t as easy for you as it was for her.

On your walk home, you stopped by a liquor store. You bought yourself a bottle of Tequila and started drinking it on your walk. You were well aware that you could potentially get arrested for public intoxication but you didn’t care.

Just when it seemed like you were calming down, God decided to hate you even more than he already did.

A honk of a horn and a shout of your name made you turn around to the source. A familiar red Audi pulled up next to you and parked. The man responsible for your current rage hopped out of the car with the woman you used to love.

“Y/n? What are you doing walking like this?” Jenna questioned.

“Yeah, and why you got a bottle of Tequila” Luis innocently questioned.

You stared at the male with a blank expression, “I’m clearing my head.”

Jenna scoffed, “Clearing your head for what? Got something you want to tell me.”

Your eyes cut to her and she didn’t make it noticeable but she jumped at the sight of your dark emotionless eyes.

“Nah I get it, sometimes you just need a few minutes to yourself. I get like that all the time especially when I’m home. I’m so used to…”

Your eyes stared into his before wandering down to his neck where you see a faint bruise there. Your eyes then land on a silver necklace, similar to the one you found around his neck. The necklace had a “J” initial engraved on it. Your hand tightens around the neck of the bottle.

Your eyes then glance at Jenna who was staring at Luis with a look she used to give you.

“Y/n?” Luis called.

His voice goes distorted and starts to fade away as a blinding rage starts to take over. Before you know it or stop yourself, you swing the bottle and it connects with Luis’ head.

“OH MY GOD!” Jenna screamed.

Luis fell against his car, blood dripping down the side of his head. You didn’t waste any time and hopped on top of him and landed punches to his face.

You were blinded by your anger, by the betrayal, and by the emptiness you had inside of you.

“Y/N STOP!” Jenna yelled and tried to pull off Luis but you wouldn’t budge. You kept landing punch after punch after punch to his face. Your hand went numb and blood coated it. You were finally tackled off the unconscious male by two police officers.

“Put your hands behind your back!” One of the officers yelled and forcefully pulled your arm back. They slap handcuffs on your wrists and harshly stand you up.

As you walk past, you see Jenna and a couple of bystanders standing over Luis. She then looked at you but you averted your eyes. You kept your face expressionless as you were loaded into the back of the cruiser.

Or maybe I, I should have done it, should have given away all my love or maybe I, I should have played you, 'cause you don't appreciate me, no

The loud sound of a jail buzzer wakes you up from your slumber. You open your eyes to realize that you’re still in a jail cell with three other people. You look down at your aching hands to see them bruise up and dried blood on them.

Blood that wasn’t yours. You’ve been in this cell sobering up for the past nine hours.

“Y/n! You’ve been bailed out” A guard shouted. You stood up from the seat and walked to the door. Another buzz was heard and the door swung open. You stepped out and followed the guard to the front.

Once you got to the front, you saw Jenna standing there with an angry and frustrated expression on her face. You sighed and you grabbed your things before signing some paperwork with much difficulty. But once you were finished, you didn’t say a word to Jenna, you just left the police station.

“Y/n? Hello? Are you going to fucking explain yourself? What the hell is wrong with you?” Jenna snapped at you.

You ignored her and continued walking. But Jenna wasn’t having that, she jogged in front of you and stepped in your path. You tried to walk around her but she just followed her.

“You almost fucking killed Luis, Y/n. Do you not realize that?” Jenna seethed.

“Leave me alone Jenna” You mumbled and finally went around her but she was at your side in a second.

“No, I won’t leave you! You beat Luis so badly that he had to go to the hospital for stitches and a concussion. You’re not explaining to me why!” Jenna yelled.

You let out an angry breath and your eyes glare at her. This makes Jenna jump a bit because she’s never seen you this angry before.

“You wanna know why? You wanna fucking know why I should have killed that fucking bastard! Here!” You shouted and you pulled out your phone and showed her a screenshot you took. You then pulled the pictures you took from her bag and threw them at her chest.

“You are a fucking hypocrite Jenna. You accused me of fucking cheating on you when in actual reality, you were the one sleeping with another man. I gave you eight years…eight fucking years of unconditional love. Eight years of being by your side. Eight years of being loyal. Not once did I ever give you a reason to question my loyalty to you!” You shouted at the girl.

Jenna’s eyes widen as the biggest secret of hers has finally been discovered.

“You made me feel like I was the bad guy. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I stopped going out to places. I did anything and everything I could to try to fix what was broken between us” You fumed as your voice cracked. Tears were threatening to spill down your cheeks as you finally let your emotions out.

“Y/n…I-”

“You had him in our bed. You fucking FaceTimed me in the middle of you sleeping with him in his car. How much more disrespect do you think I can tolerate?” You cried. The tears now falling freely down your face. But you wiped them aggressively from your face.

“I should have fucking cheated,” You said and left her standing in front of the police station.

a/n: so…I’m watching the vmas right now and SZA should have won song of the year but we ain’t gon get into that 🙂…

[bbina]

"man you look rough" you giggle, watching wonbin yawn for what seems like the nth time today. from what you’ve witnessed, shotaro quite literally dragged wonbin out of bed, not even giving him the time of day to fix himself. he literally looked as if he had just woken up considering his hair was all disheveled and he was still in pajamas

"well shotaro here said it was an emergency" wonbin rants loudly that shotaro can hear it, glaring at the boy who was busy checking out a bag of tangerines. shotaro hears his complaint and laughs

"get mad at sohee! he said it was an emergency" shotaro laughs, throwing his thumb back at the boy behind him picking a fight with seunghan over which orange juice to buy

"this shit is gas i'm telling you!"

"tropicana is shit!"

wonbin merely rolls his eyes and continues on with dragging the pushcart to where shotaro was. you feel a little relieved that it was only you, wonbin, shotaro, seunghan, sohee and anton who were out doing groceries. a little breather from the couple you've spent the last two days with. at least for now you can keep your guard down

you guys didn't bother to wake eunseok up since he was gonna cook either way so you just let him sleep like a rock back at the villa.

"y/n" you hear wonbin call out, breaking your train of thought. you look up at him to see him looking at you with concern. you shake your head, telling him it was nothing. he hums as he diverts his attention back to which pancake mix to buy

"so, who were you texting all night, wonbin? was it y/n?" shotaro teases, causing you to tense up. wonbin almost drops the box of pancake mix with shotaro's sudden question

shotaro laughs at your reactions. he noticed some tension going on with you two all morning. from the time he woke wonbin up, wonbin was about to cuss him out til he spots you behind shotaro looking all excited, he easily drops it and lets himself get dragged into the car. then when it came to the car seating arrangements in anton's old jeep, shotaro expected wonbin to be at his usual spot whenever he was driving, that being which was the passenger seat but shockingly enough, wonbin insisted that he'd rather sit at the backseat next to you. earning looks of bewilderment from the rest of the boys

"none of your business" wonbin retorts, flipping him off as shotaro laughs again, winking at your direction. you feel yourself blush a little and brush him off but you neither confirm nor deny it, and neither does wonbin.

shotaro drops the subject after that, now seemingly invested between the three youngsters who started fighting in the middle of the grocery store. yelling at them that it was time to pay at the cash register

while shotaro, anton, sohee and seunghan were at the cash register paying, you and wonbin waited outside in the parking chatting amongst yourselves

"so how are you feeling after last night? still upset?" wonbin asks, his hands in his pockets as you two wait for the rest of the guys.

you shrug, "not that much anymore after experiencing my first late night talk with my fake boyfriend" you say, wiggling your eyebrows, giving him a look. wonbin laughs at your comment, nudging your shoulder

"i'm serious! i think i'm slowly accepting everything. just 2 days left til this shit is all over and i'll never see them again.. hopefully" you look up at the sky, trying to not to think about the shit that happened for the past few days. you hear wonbin hum in agreement.

"yep. two days left and i don't have to keep this act up with you"

"what? already tired of me?" you jest, playfully pushing his shoulder. wonbin chuckles and pushes you back. the situation felt eerily similar to last night. you and wonbin ended up by the waves, engaged in deep conversation. wonbin had his guitar with him, so while you were venting, he strummed random chords, attentively listening and occasionally sharing his thoughts. eventually, he began singing along to his playing, encouraged by your persistent requests for him to sing (which he didn't mind) italics - flashback

"pleaseeeee" you plead, hands clasped together as you beg wonbin for the nth time to sing

wonbin rolls his eyes and continues to strum along. you pout as you realize he was ignoring you. instead, you start singing along to whatever he was strumming to which was sparks by coldplay

"can you change the song i don't like the lyrics" you murmured, turning away, thinking about sungchan based from the lyrics

"no" wonbin pokes his tongue out, ignoring your request. "i'm gonna make sure you'll like the song by the time i finish playing it"

you huff at his cockiness. you'll just have to block out the song either way.

"but i'll promise you this.. i'll always look after you.." wonbin sings lowly, intently looking at the chords as he strums. "yeah, that's what i'll do.."

you snap your head towards him, finally hearing his voice. something in you churns. you know damn well he was just singing to the lyrics of the song but you're not too sure why it sounded a bit different when wonbin sings it. you shake your head, getting rid of that weird fuzzy feeling you were feeling

thankfully wonbin switches up the song, not liking how it was too mellow for his liking. now he was just singing random songs he can think of.

"did you ever do something like this with sungchan?" wonbin suddenly asks, dropping the guitar on his lap. he was probably tired from playing

"like what?"

"shit like this like sneaking out to talk or something i don't know"

you shake your head no, "nah. but if we did, it's with eunseok" you say, recalling every shared memory you have with sungchan

wonbin hums, "i see"

"why do you ask?"

"there's a first for everything then" he smiles cheekily, grabbing a handful of sand before throwing it at you. you let out a squeak as you stood up from the sand and ran away from him

wonbin laughs and follows suit, chasing after you

you could say, that was one memorable night

you two were play fighting at this point, barely noticing the presence of the three guys behind the two of you, holding grocery bags

anton coughs to get your attention. you and wonbin freeze, slowly turning around to look at the grinning boys behind you. barely even noticing that wonbin was holding your hand.

"are we interrupting something?" anton gestures toward your hands. you and wonbin both glance down simultaneously to see what he's referring to—your intertwined hands. quickly, you let go, dismissing the warmth his hand provided. wonbin hastily wipes his palms with the material of his sweatpants before casually placing his hands behind his head.

"well are you guys just gonna stand there? help us!" seunghan complains, holding three grocery bags in front of wonbin's face. to which wonbin scrambles to get, wanting to get away from this awkward situation

you can only offer a peace sign before you bolt towards the car, not wanting to help the rest of the guys

"song y/n get back here!"

──

you all were now back at the villa. eunseok was a little upset that no one even bothered to wake him up to go grocery shopping but quickly dismissed it when you said you bought ingredients for his beloved vongole pasta (anton intervening by yelling he paid for it). eunseok immediately goes to cooking with what you guys bought. it was getting late anyway for breakfast

to everyone's surprise, wonbin decided to help with cooking too. he was grumbling about how he didn't want to wash dishes anymore might as well just cook. without hesitation, you also joined in the cooking, not wanting to be stuck with sungchan and his girlfriend who were in the living room watching tv

"get out of here there's no space anymore" eunseok complains, shooing you away from his "station" as he liked to call it. you simply ignore him and asked wonbin if he needed any help

"you can cut these green onions" wonbin suggests, passing you a cutting board and a knife to cut the green onions with. accepting the tools, you begin the task, knowing that once you start cutting, it's gonna be a crying mess, literally.

you let out a hiss when you start chopping the onion as they start to do their magic by making your eyes water. wonbin hears your reaction and drops whatever he was doing with the meat he just took out of the packaging and comes to your aid

"cut it thinly so it wouldn't make you tear up as much" he advices, swiftly taking over that you didn't even need to do a damn thing.

"yes chef!" you jest, raising your hands up in a mock salute. wonbin chuckles and motions you to move aside so he can transfer the freshly cut onions onto a pan.

you two were just in your own world, oblivious to sungchan's lingering stares from the living room.

your little moment was cut short when eunseok starts yelling about how he spilled a lot of salt on the meat and needed tongs asap.

"the tongs y/n! the tongs!" he yells frantically, looking at every cupboard for the tongs. you simply shrug and let him suffer.

"i thought you wanted me out of here"

"y/n!"

──

the three of you cooked a delicious set of dishes that consisted of kimchi fried rice, fried eggs, chicken and pasta (per eunseok's request)

now you all were at the dining hall of anton's villa, ready to feast on this delicious meal that you, eunseok and wonbin worked hard on cooking (mainly eunseok and wonbin since all you did was stand there and watched while waiting for wonbin to tell you to do something)

"thank you for the meal!" you all chorus before diving right in

"this kimchi fried rice is so good!" you exclaim, doing a little dance in your seat as you savored each bite. wonbin smirks to himself, knowing damn well he cooked that shit

"well you did help me cook so," his tone playful yet flirtatious as he openly flirted with you in front of everyone. the guys all stopped for a moment to process what just happened.

"no i helped you cook" eunseok intervenes, his eyebrow raised, ready to shit on you for not even doing anything besides asking if you can taste whatever they were cooking.

you ignore the banter being thrown around the table. wanting to have more of the kimchi fried rice wonbin cooked, you stood up to reach for the serving spoon, only to see something you didn't really need to see right now, which was sungchan feeding his girlfriend

wonbin doesn’t miss the frown on your face as you watch sungchan feed his girlfriend in front of you. he watches you quietly sit down and look for something else that wasn't his kimchi fried rice. noticing that there weren't any chicken or fried eggs left, you lean back at your seat dejected as you mindlessly play with the remains of your food.

wonbin taps on your shoulder and whispers something in your ear.

"you okay?"

you gave him a weird look before shrugging and waving him off, "yeah why wouldn't i be?" you say

though you've insisted that you were fine, wonbin knows that deep down, you wish that it was you in the place of yujin.

“really? in front of my kimchi fried rice?” you say in a joking manner, making gagging sounds in front of the couple causing them to sheepishly stop their actions. yujin blushing as sungchan apologizes on their behalf

everyone around the table laughs at your comment.

“was waiting for someone to say something!” shotaro quips

“you guys are just jealous that he brought his girl to this trip” seunghan laughs, sohee hitting him from laughing so much

“don’t mind her sungchan. y/n is just jealous that no one is feeding her the way you're feeding yujin” eunseok chuckles, teasing you. the whole table (including wonbin) doubles over laughing

your eyes widened, you were totally caught off guard by his comment of you being jealous. to make yourself not look any more suspicious, you laugh awkwardly, defending yourself against such accurate allegations

“am not! was just trying to lift the mood since there's no food left, that’s all..” you try to explain but it just makes you even more awkward

without another word, wonbin suddenly makes train noises

“here comes the chicken train~ choo choo~” wonbin holds out the piece of chicken skin he was saving to eat last to you.

you looked at him like he was crazy. totally not expecting such bold actions from wonbin. it was pretty hard to believe he would let you have the last piece of his chicken.

the table then start to make “ooh” noises, also not expecting this from wonbin. especially not to you. last time they checked, you two didn’t have anything going on? or do you?

“what the fuck?” eunseok exclaims

“rue? when was this?” sohee chimes in

“couple off!” seunghan beams, seemingly invested between the two couples on the trip

you then make eye contact with sungchan and he almost looks a bit hurt? he was about to open his mouth to make a comment before you feel wonbin kick your leg beside you. a signal to follow his lead

ignoring the butterflies in your stomach and the way your heart was pounding against your chest, you open your mouth to let wonbin feed you

“say ahh” wonbin coos before shoving the said chicken skin to your mouth. you slapped his arm in retaliation with how harsh he fed you

“were you trying to get back at me from the marshmallow incident?!” you yelped as you chewed on your food, repeatedly hitting him on his shoulder. wonbin laughs loudly, head falling back before diverting his attention back to his now half empty plate. man, he was totally saving that piece to himself but how could he when you looked like that?

“i just gave you the chicken skin i was saving for myself and this is how you thank me?” wonbin sasses, an eyebrow raised as he looks at you with that look.

you then burst out laughing at his sassy outburst. unbeknownst to you, it sounded like music to wonbin’s ears.

he turns away as you continue to laugh, smiling to himself that at least you forgot about sungchan even if it was just for a moment. something in wonbin felt like he wants hear you laugh more often. no more to your sad sappy self and more of you being happy

“this sucks! i’m surrounded by couples!” seunghan whines, after witnessing the most romantic act wonbin has ever done.

“what are you even yapping about? wonbin and i aren’t a couple!” you protest

“yet” wonbin shrugs, finishing up his plate before going to the kitchen to put his dishes away

the way he says it so smoothly made you choke on your spit, your face turning red. eunseok swiftly hands you his drink, smacking your back before you pass out in the middle of the table

“eunseok’s gonna have to have that talk with wonbin i see..” shotaro sang, wiggling his eyebrows as nudges eunseok’s shoulder

“i thought i told you guys to back off my sister?” eunseok clicks his tongue in annoyance, tilting his head to the side. he was now beginning to question what's really going on between you and wonbin

“wonbin hyung is so brave!” sohee cackles

you can only awkwardly laugh at the current state of the situation. you and wonbin were just playing pretend after all. it was only contractual to get over your feelings with sungchan. it would be only a matter of time before the truth gets out and you’re praying to the gods above that no one ever finds out. especially not sungchan

between the lines ★ yet

⤷ from what started as a simple arrangement to hide your feelings for a certain someone by getting into in a fake relationship soon turns into a tangled mess. in which some things are hard to tell when you can’t read between the lines

˗ˏˋ prev | next ˎˊ˗

★ notes .ᐟ another wordcount of 2k . whats bigger than a crumb ? piece?? YNBIN PIECE

★ taglist .ᐟ @callanton @annswwa @renjuneoo @pinkraindropsfell @lecheugo @ilovejungwonandhaechan @ahnneyong @haechansbbg @snowyseungs @sseastar-main @odxrilove @leeknowarchives @onlywonb @leehanascent @wonychu @jaeyunsb @au-ghosttype @revehosh @keilovr @kyusqult @pinkskiesdream

[cameronspecial]

Let Me Try To Understand, Angel

Pairing: Frat!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Being Stressed About School and Burnt Out

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.6K

Summary: Y/N isn't acting like she normally does and Rafe is on a mission to help her out.

Masterlist

As their first semester as sophomores comes to an end, Rafe has noticed the way that Y/N has been withdrawing from the world. He has been trying everything to get her to come out with him, but each text is met with a simple no thank you. Instead of anger filling him, worry is the only thing that Rafe can feel. He hasn’t been in her dorm often because his private room in the frat house is more intimate for them. He quietly knocks on the door, waiting for someone to let him in. Very little light from the room spills into the hallway. Y/N’s hair looked a little greasy, so she threw it up into a bun. She is wearing a large oversized hoodie with sweatpants that are just a little too big for her. Her eyes are droopy and she looks like her soul has been sucked out of her body. The smile that normally spreads across her face doesn’t appear and this tells Rafe that something is wrong. “Angel, are you okay? You haven’t been answering my text,” he questions, stepping closer to her with his hands reaching for her shoulder. She uncharacteristically steps away from his hold, “Yeah, I’ve been busy.” She doesn’t add anything to her statement. 

“Oh. Well, maybe I can just hang out in your room right now. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” he offers, hands falling to his side. She shakes her head, trying to push him out the door, “Rafe, I really don’t want to be around anyone right now. Can you go?” “I will, but I can tell something is wrong. Your room is so dark. It’s not like you,” he confesses. 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then let me try to understand, Angel. I can’t do that if you try to push me away. Maybe, I can help or I can just listen.”

At the offer of having someone to vent to, a huge weight feels like it is being lifted off of her shoulders. She collapses into his arms and buries her head into his chest. “I just feel so burnt out. Everything I have to do, even the smallest of tasks, takes so much out of me. I haven’t read a page of my book since last week. I’m just going through the motions of life. I don’t think I can do this anymore, Rafe,” she rants to him. His hand smoothes down her hair and he kisses her temple, “I’m so sorry, you are feeling this way. What can I do to help lighten your load? Do you want me to pay someone to do the rest of your assignments? Because I will. I will do anything to help you.” She lets out a snotty giggle with a shake of her head, “No, no. I can get through my own assignments. But do you think I can stay at your house for a few days and can we take a shower together?” This would be something new to them. She stays at his house a lot, but she only sleeps over every other day. This would be the first time she slept more than two nights in a row at his house. “I just need to be with you,” she adds in a whisper. He kisses her head, “Of course, you can stay as long as you want. Why don’t you take a really quick power nap? I’ll pack your stuff up for you.”

As she watches her boyfriend get her stuff into bags, she can’t help but be grateful that she met someone as caring and loving, whose attention is always on helping her well-being. 

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @queen-shadow22 @victory-in-the-llama