#a time that was able to approach the topic with a lot more nuance and less greed

[winterrose527]

I’ve read your stuff and love it. What do you read and love and recommend?

oh thank you so much, that's so kind.

What do I read and love and recommend? funnily enough I just created a 'permanent recs' bookshelf on goodreads over the weekend. The list as it currently stands is:

The House of Mirth, Edith Wharton

Rules of Civility, Amor Towles

The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller

The Patriots, Sana Krasikov

Mila 18 and Exodus, Leon Uris

Letters to Camondo, Edmund de Waal

Marjorie Morningstar, Herman Wouk

Silver in the Wood, Emily Tesh

Persuasion, Jane Austen

Heartburn, Nora Ephron

The Marriage Portrait, Maggie O'Farrell

and OF COURSE King of Cups, @phoebe-woods

is there anything you think I SHOULD read?

[gothwineaunts]

I know a lot of you want to know what's going on with the Discord. The first time I addressed this situation, I was on my back foot and I did a very poor job of explaining what was going on. I used a lot of clumsy language that sounded uncomfortably familiar to people in ways I didn't anticipate, nor did I intend. For that I apologize. I hastily tried to handle a situation that needed a much more nuanced approach. In the interest of not doing that again, I'd like to ask you all to allow me to work on writing the explanation y'all deserved the first time. I promise you that this has all gotten incredibly out of hand. There's a lot of bad faith flying around. Some of it is very understandable given how bad my first attempt at explaining the crimson situation was, but there's also some that's really just cartoonishly overblown and untrue. Give me until tomorrow to get my thoughts together in a way that makes sense. I understand that a lot of trust goes into the relationship we share as author and reader. I've been on the end of supporting a creator I thought that I knew, only for it to turn out that they had some profoundly fucked up things hiding in their closet. But I promise you, that's not me. I made a mess of things this time, and all in writing. Which I'm supposed to be good at! I know it's a bad look. But please have a little more trust in me, just until tomorrow. And if when I'm at my best you still feel I've betrayed that trust, I of course respect your opinion and encourage you to do what you need to take care of yourself, even if it means distancing yourself from this community. But in the meantime, please accept my apology. I was not prepared to make a statement, and I really stupidly thought I'd be able to put something together off-the-cuff and that diminished the importance of the topic at hand in a way I will continue to regret. I apologize to those who were hurt, alarmed, or disappointed by anything they've seen flying around on the tag today. I promise it will make more sense tomorrow. - Kit Trace

[struggling-jpg]

Yanqing and Yunli Appreciation Post

Keep Reading cut due to 2.4 spoilers~ (also relatively long-ish post)

These two bounce off each other so well! As a writer, it feels so satisfying to see their characters shine through the quest and the event in the way their interactions highlight them. So I'm gonna use this space to ramble about it!

My previous post pretty much talked about it already, but Yanqing!!! My son!!! I was quite worried that any potential arc for him would be shoved down the road or to the side due to the scale HSR has, but the game's been actually holding up to his ongoing arc. As a result, at least to me, he's come through as one of the best written/developed characters on the Xianzhou so far.

The nature of the length of the updates lets what we get in previous quests settle in for a long while, and considering the mentioned of flow of time in-game, Yanqing's had the time to think and develop as a person. The fact that so many players have had their view and opinion of him finally turn around in this quest is a testament to that. We get to see more facets of him, as in, doing his job and the responsibilities of doing so, and how his insecurities are mentioned in a main quest for all to see. He's constantly referencing others and his past encounters. You can tell that Jing Yuan raised him with his manner and approach to things, which is highlighted by the contrast to Yunli (will get to that soon).

His position as a child soldier has made him mature faster, be quiet even when he's been wronged (filial piety/saving face (aka thank you person on Reddit who makes the banger character Yanqing (and other characters in general) appreciation posts)), take a step back and have to be able to read the room (though, reasonably, he doesn't catch on all the time), and much, much more. The fact that other official content has described him as being more worried about diplomacy and all that. He doesn't have the luxury to be as carefree or brash for someone his age.

There's a lot to unpack there still, even with the development he's had now and that's good! If the Hoyo writing team was wild enough, it'd be cool to see them address the grayness of his role and Jing Yuan's mindset in raising him as he did (We love Dad-Yuan and he loves his son dearly no question, but it'd be so interesting to explore his flaws/mistakes in this perspective!).

Now onto Yunli.

I'm saying straight off the bat, I'm irritated by her!

And that's a good thing!

Her being annoying or bratty or irritating doesn't automatically make her a badly written character! She only would become one if they don't do anything with her, and HSR most probably will, and she should be given the same room to develop in her own arc.

She acts like her age, and she doesn't have the same pressures as Yanqing does. Just like how you can see Jing Yuan in Yanqing, you can see Huaiyan in Yunli, if anything he says is to go by. She's tempremental and outspoken to a fault, and based on the way how quickly Huaiyan relented when she talked back, you can tell that Huaiyan isn't as strict/stern with her to give her a sense of being humble.

I had this thought that she's technically what the general fandom viewed Yanqing as initially, and I'm not saying that as a 100% thing, by the way. But like by some traits and the vibes. She, of course, has a lot more nuance that will be explored at one point or another.

But back on topic, she's a foil. They represent two different approaches and lifestyles and can clearly learn from each other. Her inconsideration of the fact that she's on the Luofu but enforcing Zhuming practices (which I noticed people were upset by, and same; which I imagine is the point), her bluntness to no matter who she's talking to—there's a lot to work with here.

Just like with their swordplay, Yanqing could learn from her mental strength while Yunli can learn from his focused speed and defense. He can learn to regain a more firm grasp of his recently found purpose while she can learn to mature and take in her surroundings and be more thoughtful in that front.

Another interesting note is that where we are with Yanqing currently is in the middle of his arc, we've had the time to see him take a long route of struggle to get to this point, exacerbated by irl players views of him. He's in the middle of his growth and we've had since 1.0 to get to know him. But with Yunli, she was introduced very recently, so we're technically at the "beginning" of her character arc. In a way, Yunli now highlights how far Yanqing has come and changed, and in a way Yanqing now is a potential show for the arc that Yunli can have (not being the exact same as him of course).

I think the idea with these two is that they develop to be more balanced. Balance is such an important thing, especially in Chinese culture (Daoism (Yin-Yang), etc.), and 2.4 has shown how much potential they have to make for amazing character arcs.

It's cool that while they have such similar base traits, they're so different from each other. Calling Yunli a female Yanqing or Yanqing a male Yunli is simply outright incorrect. Their backgrounds, upbringings, ideals, swordstyles, perspectives, and positions in life are so distinct. I'm looking forward to their futures!

[blasphemecel]

Just One Fix by Death13 on AO3, Analysis (or something like that Idk how to name it otherwise, so let's call it that)(this fic has been written before kaiser backstory)

For your information, death13 is the username of blasphemecel on ao3. We all know who he is, a fanfic author.

So, Just One Fix is a one shot, which can be hard to read for some people in the sense that it approaches difficult and sensitive topics. That said, it is a fanfic which is really greatly presented and which will probably turn your life upside down.

The tone of the fanfic is quite shattering and peaceful at the same time, in the sense that it will make you feel a deep sadness by the way the characters are written and how they interact, but will make you feel calm at the same time, because the author manages to convey a strong message by means of balanced and harmonious writing that will just put you in a weird vibe of sentimentality. I wouldn't say serene because the topics discussed are there to shake things up, but it's a similar feeling, like you're put in some trance.

This fanfic can lead to educating, in a sense, people who do not live this. It also denounces, from my point of view, certain behaviors on the part of people who do not live it and certain situations that can be complicated to live during a hospitalization.

The author highlights the complexity of the relationship between Kaiser and YN through various sentences such as:

This part focus on two things that I find important and interesting: why they started hanging around each other, and what their coping mechanisms are. But also how they evolved as humans with more or less problems.

I think this is interesting how the author choose to represent them, first of all, Kaiser's representation as always is fire, but we will see that his character has more depth than just what we can see on this screenshot the more we advance in the story. Then, there's YN, he choose a complicated story with complex problems for this character, this just proves his value as a writer, to be able to portray such a difficult character.

They have copping mechanisms that are fundamentally different, one keeping things inside and dismissing everything and the other letting everything out. I find the nuance between these two characters fascinating and how he choose to make them interact during the rest of the story just break my heart because it is something that he portrayed a bit too realistically in my opinion. It is a relationship very strained and full of up and down, a bit (a lot) passive aggressive, where the characters keep having some sort of tense moments, like you genuinely ask yourself how it will end for them because the author just doesn't give anything away, mostly on YN part. We will see that on Kaiser part he's more open than YN throughout the story, which is comical since he's the one who usually keep everything in. It's actually captivating.

(I think i didnt express myself properly for the "Kaiser is more open than YN" but I don't know how to say it otherwise like... Kaiser doesnt express it verbally till the very end but through some actions and reactions that he struggles to hide.)

I'm not going to linger too much on Kaiser side because this has been written before his backstory. Though, for YN, at multiple times it has been implied that YN has suffered from abuse when being a child, with the "You were in the habit of crying over everything. There were loud noises, or god forbid someone screamed at you, and you'd cry. Someone touched you — especially an adult - and you'd burst out in tears." I would like to linger on the last part of this, "Someone touched you — especially an adult - and you'd burst out in tears." implying that there's been physical/sexual abuse. It's a complex situation that has been evoked, described, and represented with such a strong writing, all the way during the fic we follow YN copping the better they can with that, not necessarily with good ways but isn't it what happens when we are all alone and traumatized?

In this part, it's one of the few where we see the mutual trust and affection (and respect) between them. The fact that YN manages to be at ease, or something that comes close to it, to sleep beside him despite everything YN probably endured just proves my point. I liked that part, because it shows that even if their relationship is complex and with many many underlying, they still hold each other close to their heart.

Later on, during the last part of the fic, Kaiser mention something interesting before breaking down (<-something that he treated with levity just a few sentences before breaking down himself) “Forget loving me back, you don’t even believe me? You think I’m like every other monster in your life, trying to hurt and deceive you?” I find this side of Kaiser, more sensitive and emotional, interesting because it prove that he is still a human being behind all these walls, and how he considers YN despite his many indelicate attempts to help them that have been taken wrongly by YN (legitimately from YN I think, because it's a difficult situation to see someone you love fall into self-destruction more and more without being able to help, it often leads to maladroit actions and/or words, like we can see in many passages, so I think the way everything had been presented to us, adds layers of complexity and meaning behind YN strong reactions and Kaiser attempts to help!) I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH :(

I would like to stop on this part too, just because the respect he holds for YN PLEASE? He takes EVERYTHING into consideration, and he's the one keeping everything in and turning everything as a joke or some sort as a copping mechanism? That's real literature, I like the fics with complex characters like that, when they are greatly written. In this fic, the balance of everything is good, like I said it's very realistic I think and I love it. The nuance between YN who doesn't want to be loved (<- cited by YN themselves) and Kaiser loving YN through so many different actions is so beautiful, it's art.

I like that part a lot, even if I found it hard to read at first glance. But with hindsight, it's actually, I think, the most interesting part to me, because we see how their behaviors push them away from each other, and how Kaiser regrets afterwards. (<-Something agreeably surprising from Kaiser) That's when we understand that really, there's so much more underlying than just a friendship by 'constraint' that just turned into a weird situationship if we could name it that. (Because let's remember that if they started hanging around each other it's firstly because they were rejected by the others.)

I like that part, it's actually YN making an effort almost superhuman for the sake of the peace between them both, after the moment where they both said they loved each other. I like this ending (this is not the last sentences but almost), and I like how the ED have been portrayed in theses last sentences:

Its immersive, the reader is really into the problematic and I liked it. I think this could easily explain to people who are uneducated on this topic how it is felt more or less from people suffering from ED. And raises awareness in them. I liked how you described it, Iliya. Thank you.

I would like to do also small parentheses on the part where it's in the hospital. You described that very correctly too, it's kind of hard for many people to be hospitalized and it results almost every time on bad experiences. I liked that you highlighted that too.

SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES BESTIE

HIIIIIII TWIN

FIRST OF ALL WOAWWWWW 😍😍😍 THIS IS FIRE

OK So wajt let me tell you since you wanted to know, I think you understood everytihing quite literally 100% correctly

I actualyl thought even at the time of writing that Kaiser had an abusive childhood too (but didn't include it bc we didnt know for sure at the time), so I imagine a lot of the attachmnt between them is based on experiencing the same things. But in this case Y/n ends up being the focus because Kaiser 'made it out' and they didnt

Also about the thing with y/n's past, you're correct it is implied that they're a CSA victim and a victim of physical abuse. I think in particular their behavior is really characteristic of someone with sexual trauma (even the ED which is the other big thing, can be a result of that + they also clearly suffer from hypersexuality and self-objectification which are also signs). For example the movie they're said to like, 'Mysterious Skin', one of the two main characters was a CSA victim too. You can also see during the tattoo artist scene, Kaiser tries to get in the way of the tattoo artist in trying to sleaze on Y/n I don't believe out of jealousy but because in that scene they've gotta both be like freshly 18 and an older dude's hitting on Y/n.

Also iirc in the hospital scene it says Y/n wasn't supposed to be getting any visitors because they thought they're family only and the thought of a family member visiting them made them panic, also implying that they're cut off from their family in some way, i.e. further insinuating a past of abuse.

You're right that it's difficult to talk or reach someone in such a position. A lot of the story is about Kaiser's troubles because he approaches it in a self-involved way that Y/n understands (or tries to pass off due to their not wanting to accept love) as him just feeling an obligation or a savior's fantasy towards them, even tho I think it's quite obvious from many of his actions that he genuinely cares. Also I think due to the self-destructive nature of Y/n's behavior it's easier for them to believe they aren't loved because then they can pretend no one is affected by their actions, also making them self-centered as well, along with Kaiser.

I do think they're in a situationship lol i had the wip tagged as childhood friends to fwb best freinds situationship LIKEEEE THEY ARE BOTH SO CRASY 😭😭 But anyways..

TYYYY FOR READING AND WRITING ME THIS !!!!! AND FINDING IT REALISTIC ALSO!!!!

If anyone is interested here is the link to the fic since it's not on tumblr

[ivenvs3000f24]

10: Interpretation ethics

As an ex-Catholic, I spent a good amount of time in my teens thinking about how my personal ethics and rules on morality both differ from and sometimes agree with Catholicism. However, I haven’t really taken the time since  then to extend my personal ethics past post-Catholic discourse and relate it to my environmental values. I think it’s very valuable to be aware of your own ethical stances in terms of interpretation. Our ethics are the filter that shapes how we interpret nature, whether or not we acknowledge it. And that interpretation is then past on to our audience.

The first belief I bring to nature interpretation is kindness. Showing kindness to the nature around us means walking lightly and respectfully as we explore. Showing kindness to each other means creating a space where everyone feels able to ask questions and learn. I believe that kindness is one of the key elements that goes into creating a welcoming environment. And welcoming environments set up the possibility for growth and learning.

I also believe that curiosity and discovery lead to caring. It’s very difficult to care about something that you don’t know much about. But by encouraging questions, sharing facts/stories, and pointing out the beauty all around us, a nature interpreter can create connections between their audience and nature. In tandem with curiosity and discovery, is the power of awe. I want to get people excited about that cliff, that leaf, that creek. Wonder is a very powerful tool.

Spent a very long time staring at this view awestruck when I visited Vancouver last summer

Interpretation also comes with many responsibilities. When you act as a nature interpreter, people are putting their trust in you to act responsibly in your role. The basis of this trust is safety. Like we learned from the Timiskaming Tragedy, a lot of things can go wrong in outdoor education spaces. Physical safety means being prepared for hazards, natural disasters and changing weather. But emotional safety also play an important role. Words have power. And that power can be used to harm others if wielded carelessly or irresponsibly. Sensitive topics have to be addressed with care and nuance. Your audience should feel welcome and included in the space you create, through the language used and interpretation employed.

I also think that nature interpreters have a responsibility to convey accuracy whenever possible. This is especially important when interpreting for children, who may not have the skills to properly fact-check your claims. Adult audiences also deserve access to well researched and meaningful information. Working as a nature interpreter means positioning yourself as an expert, and your audience is placing their trust in you to know what you are talking about. I believe in putting in the time and effort to research a topic fully before you share it with others.

There are several interpretation approaches that work best for me as an individual. And those approaches vary greatly by age group. For kids, who often have short attention spans, I think that exploration and games work best. Exploration allows kids to experience nature on their own terms and form a more personal relationship with the world around them. It also allows for the reintroduction of unstructured play that is missing from many kids lives. Giving kids a magnifying glass and a simple objective (eg. “Find as many colour as you can!”) gives them the opportunity to look closer at their surroundings and discover something new.

Games are also a powerful tool for interpretation. Minds often wander during lengthy explanation, but games keep kids focused and their attention on the task at hand. They can also help simplify complex topics and break them down into bite sized pieces. As an example, at my summer job last year, I ran a workshop for 10–12 year-olds who were planting a pollinator garden at their school. I wanted to convey the importance of building new pollinator habitat and introduce them to the concept of habitat fragmentation. So, I created a game that was kind of a mashup of musical chairs and shrinking islands. I placed picnic blankets (“habitats”) on the floor and told the children to pretend to be their favorite pollinator. As the music played, they could fly around, and when it stopped, they needed to find a habitat to stand on. As the game progressed, the habitats kept getting smaller and smaller as I folded down the picnic blankets to represent habitat destruction. Near the end of the game, we added another picnic blanket to represent the new habitat the students were creating. The game showed the students the importance of their garden, while also engaging them with the power of fun.

For adults, I think the best approaches for me to use are storytelling and writing. Stories have staying power, and also allow people to come to their own conclusions in a very fluid way. If I tell you about how I tried (and failed) to stop a park tree from being cut down when I was in the second grade, the take home message can be very different depending on how I spin the story and your own personal beliefs. You might walk away thinking about the importance of urban trees, the emotional bonds kids form with nature, or how privilege impacts how people engage with activism.

Article from The Stoney Creek News

From a personal standpoint, I think that writing is an approach that I am very drawn to. I enjoy the act of writing and like that I can fine-tune my words until I am satisfied. Evocative language can really come alive on the page, and writing allows lots of space for larger ideas to be explored. And, as a creative writing and ecology student, writing about nature in an interpretive way seems like the natural way to blend my two areas of study.

I know that my personal ethic will continue to develop and change as I grow as an interpreter. I’m looking forward to adding more nuance and challenging my own perspective.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

Hello 👋 I have been offered the option of volunteering at an assisted living facility for people with high support needs and medium support needs autism. The people who live at the hostel go to a care center during the day but are at the hostel in the afternoon and night and the staff at the hostel does the general stuff of helping them out around the house. That being said when I went to the hostel they explained that they use an ABA based approach of interacting with the residents in a way that according to them is supposed to teach them important communication skills such as pointing to pictures if there is a problem to explain what it is or to wave to get someones attention instead of grabbing them.

From what I heard ABA is wildly considered abusive but the people on staff argued that it is different with medium and high support needs autism. My question is: from your experience can aba be positive? Would you say that it's inherently abusive? Is it different for people with low support needs and medium/high? (I'm sending this to multiple blogs who talk about the topic a lot so you may see this ask multiple times, sorry bout that)

oh yeah this nuanced topic i definitely need answer because find other people say binary “yes” or “no” both not helpful.

obvious trigger warn for ABA, detail talk of abusive ABA

low support needs = LSN, higher support needs = HrSN

TLDR: yes and no

ABA is highly controversial and nuanced topic. if ask most allistic professionals and allistic Autism Parents, most will tell you no (as in ABA never abusive). if ask actually autistic community, including those never been in ABA, most will tell yes (as in ABA always abusive).

personally think is a mix of “it can be,” and wrote more about here, but summary is: ABA can be very abusive, many ABA survivor abused by it. historically been very abusive (old school ABA), many places it still is now, but some places start to change. but saying “oh we do the good ABA” doesn’t mean they not abusive. some ABA survivors (who got ABA in past & present) say they not abused it helped, some say it both helped and abused, some just abused. so i find helpful always high alert when talk about ABA and watch carefully if use ABA.

summary of what i hear of bad ABA: force eye contact, force masking, quiet hands, behaviorally erase autistic/“problematic” trait (but neglect inside feelings & emotions & thought processes). block escape (physically or psychologically), don’t allow leave don’t allow stop task until finish. tech compliance. food reinforcers and planned withholding of needs & key things (like emotional support stuffed animal or affection). see meltdown sensory overload crying as attention seeking so need ignore (instead of see it as pain response as need help as not able communicate before it get bad). typically only value mouth speech and ignore all other communication like behaviors and pointing (“to encourage mouth speech”but is shitty way of doing it) but also can happen with PECS (inherent ABA shitty system) or even AAC devices. often have token chart and discrete trial training (DTT).

summary of what i hear or personal experience of good ABA: teach skills*, like bADLs iADLs self advocacy etc. naturalistic learning. modeling behaviors. functional communication. value receivers (person getting ABA) input if they can communicate. more comparisons

*beware, good ABA focus on teach skill but can still “teach skill” with abusive technique. good ABA need teach functional life skill but teach skill doesn’t inherent make ABA good ABA.

some may argue good ABA isn’t ABA because fundamental ABA principle don’t allow it. personally see where this come from (see: ivar lovaas) but since many who use good ABA techniques still call self ABA, and sometimes it’s “ABA or else,” i focus on harm reduction.

but it also not “there is good ABA and there is bad ABA and good ABA good bad ABA bad.” some place do mix of technique from both—which still make them abusive, but it not like “if i do some good technique i am all good ABA.” good ABA hard to maintain and is active effort to continue because so many of field historically and now is abusive. it just easier explain that way.

don’t think there any technique that, if use on LSN is abusive, but if same thing use on HrSN suddenly not abusive. it sound like very ableist idea. we not that different we may have harder time understand we may have harder time communicate, but we still have feelings. (some of us not understand at all not able words communicate at all, i not one of them obviously but i think may even be worse for them because they don’t understand why you do that why they feel bad or even understand what they feel and can’t words tell feel bad only behavior. but obviously this me guess since am not one of them)

sort of extreme example but it remind me of (wrong) idea that e.g people with severe & profound ID, no person inside no mind inside so akin to dog training just need focus on behavior

as for personal experience, do have personal experience with ABA and not really ready talk about, but in summary: currently am more address immediate urgent thing so may change when we get to routine day skill. but overall good experience very much help very listened to no abuse life saver without it would be in big trouble. but this also because 1) able communicate already can say what want/don’t want, 2) adult own guardian can decide own, 3) progressive area with better healthcare available, 4) now and not 10 or 5 or even 2 year ago.

you specifically mention point to pictures. AAC really should be SLP (speech therapists) territory but SLP field heavily connect with ABA & behavioralism and many ABA places do deal with communication so… yeah.

examples of good & bad ways handle teach below because this get long

bad example:

you want juice. you lead them to fridge. you may even point to (real life) juice. they don’t give you juice and instead say “use your words!” or something.

you want juice. you do gesture (not signs) of cup, or drink, or whatever. they know what you talk about because you done many times, they don’t give you juice. or even if they don’t know what you talk about, they ignore you (instead of respond to behavior communication).

you want juice. you given a board of these pictures and words in squares, eat drink juice fruit chips cookie etc etc. you confused. no one ever show you what do with it. you meltdown from frustrate.

you want juice. you try all above. no one respond. you meltdown from frustrate. you labeled as have behavioral issues and that meltdown came from nowhere, you labeled as can’t be helped

you want juice. you try all above. only way people actually respond and give you juice is: you get to velcro wall of picture cards. you identify “juice” symbol from all other symbols. you have fine motor skill to take “juice” symbol off from wall. then you go to adult person. you make eye contact with them for period of some seconds while calmly give them juice card. you may or may not be encouraged or even have to mouth say word “juice.” then you finally get juice.

not abusive per se but also not great example

you want juice. you have to stop what doing and go get your device or communication book (or other person go get), then you can point to juice. your words not available to you all the time or you have to ask for them. (know communication books and picture card walls often bulky and hard carry everywhere and don’t have great solution but still ideally words available all time)

good example:

you want juice. let go back to the point to fridge and real life juice example. you point. the helper person/therapist/etc see and mouth say “do you want juice?” and model on AAC device or communicate book “want” “juice” (model without expectations). then they give juice. and they repeat modeling in all situations without expect them immediate respond to AAC or expect them will respond in x weeks etc. just model as part of communication.) more on modeling

random grab people can be frustrate for other people and not most effective way communicate and should try best give more way communicate, but also need understand that behavior is communicate, and many “extreme” and “problematic” behavior happen probably because no other way know communicate or all other way communicate accidentally ignore. so should respect it and see it for it purpose & teach functional communicate same time. (not saying you don’t understand this just is something i see many people forget so feel need talk about every time)

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @ay-na

Your match is...

— Karasu Tabito

✦ I'm not going to beat around the bush: I had a lot, A LOT of trouble picking someone for you!

✦ I find that you're looking for a set of qualities and the absence of flaws that very few characters in Blue Lock possess.

✦ ... Is it the natural high standards of INFJs? :D

✦ Because when one had the qualities, they also had the flaws. And when one didn't have the flaws, they lacked the qualities as well.

✦ This is kind of the story of making a manga based on competition and learning to sacrifice things to achieve your goal; it naturally leads to characters with dark and less glorious aspects.

✦ Fiction is also conducive to amplifying traits, giving rise to sometimes very stereotyped characters. Even though I think Blue Lock manages to add nuance by giving unexpected and somewhat realistic backstories to its characters.

✦ SO.

✦ I chose to assign you Karasu, who I think is the best compromise between what you're looking for and what you dislike in someone: he's clever, quick-witted, persistent… And he has that little unique twist thanks to his childhood that makes him a character with more layers of depth than it seems. Like many players, arrogance is one of his flaws, but honestly, you don't watch Blue Lock if you don't enjoy seeing a bit of cheekiness on screen.

✦ "I'm good with deciphering and reading people" is very Karasu-coded :D He learned this before playing football. It was his way of coping with his situation at school; analyzing people allowed him to anticipate reactions and thus play on his opponent's weaknesses before they could discover Karasu's own. To support this, here's a quote from his Wiki: "His hobby is observing, analyzing, and assessing humans." As they say: attack before being attacked. It's a strategy often adopted by those who have been mistreated.

✦ So, I would say that Karasu isn't inherently bad, but it's a layer you have to break through to reach the less brutal aspects of him.

✦ I think you'd be quite skilled at detecting this defense mechanism. It's probably something you've observed a lot. We already see it in nature: a wounded wild animal will try to defend itself by attacking those who try to approach it.

✦ "So I don't see myself being able to communicate for long periods of time without tiring out." The ability to communicate is the reason why I eliminated so many contenders for your matchup because those with the qualities you seek often suffer from a lack of communication. I'll revisit this at the end of the post to explain my thinking.

✦ And that's why I chose Karasu: I don't think he's the most excited or extroverted character in the roster, but I find him communicative enough to initiate conversations and seek out dialogue. Just as much as he knows when someone needs silence and peace. After all, he's good at analyzing people.

✦ "I'm an emotional person, but I tend to hide it in order to not be taken advantage of." Again, Karasu coded.

✦ "Even if I barely know the person, if I feel a connection or an urge to make them feel better, why not? This world already has too much misery, there's no need to add more to it." This statement makes me smile because I imagine this trait would be a source of great discomfort for Karasu, who I don't see as someone used to people caring about his well-being. In fact, this is a flaw that many characters in this manga share, and the fact that they all want to prove their worth through victory shows that most are trying to fill a void. But I digress.

✦ Someone pointed this out in a matchup, and it's true: the theme of loneliness is very present in Blue Lock. On a larger scale, and going a bit off-topic so I won't go further here, it's also a theme very present in Japan. So, it's only natural that it is reflected in the work of a mangaka.

✦ "I'm not proud to say this, but I give more than I receive, which makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or if the other person is sick of me, I need reassurance quite a bit if I were to be in a relationship." This is a common issue with MBTI types who have Extraverted Feeling (Fe) in their top two functions. For the INFJ, this function occupies the second place, the Auxiliary, which makes the INFJ highly focused on maintaining external harmony, even at the expense of their own feelings. And the fact that the INFJ is not very communicative about their true emotions doesn't help their situation, leading them to be exploited by others, as they'd rather remain silent than risk ruining the atmosphere by complaining.

✦ I think one of Karasu's love languages is words of affirmation. Since he spends most of his time taunting his opponents on the field and boasting about his abilities, his way of showing that he cares about someone is when he takes the time to reassure them about their skills, plain and simple. To me, a love language is a natural ability of someone, but turned toward a positive purpose.

✦ "Dealing with negative emotions and feelings is a bit hard for me. And more often than not, they come out bursting after bottling everything up in the form of tears." Oh my. I read this part after explaining the INFJ's workings earlier and: yes, it's a consequence of never saying anything. I honestly think that a behavior like this would catch Karasu off guard, and at the same time… well… he'd wonder what he did wrong to make you feel that way. Once he genuinely cares about you, he won't just stand idly by; he'll rethink every situation before the critical moment to understand the problem. Fortunately, the guy is more talkative and knows where to find you to start a conversation. In those moments, his voice is calm, and he doesn't have that mocking expression on his face at all. On the contrary, there's something very inviting in his tone that makes you feel comfortable opening up.

✦ Yes, I can totally see him being good at this and reserving those moments only for the person he loves.

✦ YOU.

✦ "I'm trying to work on processing and communicating my feelings, but when you're surrounded by a toxic environment, it's a bit hard. But I'm managing." I had the image of you retreating to your room, where Karasu simply joins you after knocking on the door. Honestly, he's even capable of waiting outside, sitting down and maybe falling asleep against the door, until you give a sign of life. It's okay if you're not ready to talk now. You'll talk later. And if you tell him, "I need to be alone," he'll leave and wait for you to come to him. It's really that simple, as long as you tell him.

✦ "I've been raised as an overachiever and tend to get lost to the point I neglect my health, so I need someone who can pull me out of such unending loops of forgetting that I'm a human with needs." I headcanon Karasu as a man with the financial means since we saw him well-dressed in public and interested in business and commerce. Even though the crow is goal-oriented, I can totally see him loving expensive vacations, luxury items, and fun trips, especially during the summer.

✦ "I feel guilty when I ask for help, like I'm not competent enough if I need guidance. I'm being helped with understanding this concept, but still." This is something many characters in this manga deal with, but not only; in real life, too. So, it will be a common topic of conversation between the two of you. You'll work on it together at your own pace since Karasu also struggles with this issue, so he understands even more how hard it is to "admit your vulnerabilities." After all, we only ask for help when it gets to that point, right? That's what he thinks, but over time, with patience and trust, you both learn that it's not about admitting your vulnerabilities. It's about accepting that others also have skills and can teach you things.

✦ "I'm a little hesitant about publishing them, so I printed them in a small number for my friends." You might think the ideal partner pushes you to publish your books because they're worth it, but I don't think that's true: the ideal partner accompanies you on your journey to build self-confidence, until YOU are the one who decides to publish your work. Which, in my opinion, could be yet another unexpected facet of Karasu that he only reveals to a select few people.

✦ "I'm into fantasy, cyberpunk, futuristic, action, and slice of life games." If Karasu played video games, it would have been mostly during his childhood, though I can also see him as a kid fascinated by observing nature. We see it a bit in the manga; in reality, many things fascinate him. A butterfly caught in a web, for example. I think this ties into his love of observing and understanding. I know some video games are about making choices, sometimes difficult ones. It makes you reflect, critique the world around you, a system, morality. These are things I’m sure would interest Karasu. In fact, anything that sheds light on human nature.

✦ So yes, it’s likely that if choices need to be made during a game, he’ll think it through with you, weighing the pros and cons. In the end, your debates are so intense that they pull you into the game as if it were the movie of your life.

✦ "I'm into anything that is connected with the stars and sky. So watching the stars above and relaxing on the roof is my ideal thought for a moment of relaxation. I've also been learning about constellations lately too." I'm sure there's a character in the roster who has this as their favorite activity (unless I'm confusing it with Isagi, who loves walks), but I can't remember who. So I'm going to give this trait to Karasu :) I think it makes sense with his interest in observing the environment, not just people but nature too. He really loves birds, and I'm sure he'd be the first to point to the sky when spotting a hawk. He knows the names of so many species that the man is a walking encyclopedia.

✦ Anything to do with night walks and endless late-night talks: he's your guy. And it’s going to sound weird, but I think his chara design really matches the night, doesn’t it?

✦ "Sports: running, yoga, and I know how to play football a bit." Well, of course, this was the little cherry on top. A footballer with a companion who loves his sport can only be thrilled. Some might prefer to find a new rival, but others, like Karasu, just enjoy making someone proud who understands the game he’s made his career.

✦ "I like being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely." A major flaw of our current screen-obsessed society! I think Karasu is good at being that silent presence in the room that makes you feel accompanied. The kind of person you can read with without needing to talk, just appreciating being in the same space. Classic quality time.

✦ … I'm reading your love languages, and OH MY GOD, I'm so happy I hit the nail on the head!!! You have exactly the love languages that suit Karasu, and he has exactly what you need!!!

✦ *erm*

✦ I headcanon Karasu as someone who’s very sensitive to positive remarks about who he is, more than about his football technique. Because his technique is directly tied to the arrogant image he’s built and wants to project; someone who truly understands his personality and fears, and compliments him on his qualities, really has the power to shake him in the best possible way.

✦ Now we get to the part about "traits I like in a person" and also the reason why I eliminated so many contenders lol.

✦ "I love ambitious and purposeful people who are set on their goals and burning for what they want." Honestly, Blue Lock is the best manga for this kind of search lol.

✦ But the rest…

✦ "If said person can make a joke, whether it's sarcasm or an unexpected pun- you have my heart." / "I tend to get along with traumatized people who are seeking salvation and reflection" / "I also find myself drifting more to people who can express themselves better than me in any aspect" / "Traits I absolutely hate in a person: liars and manipulators [...] And most of all, disloyalty" / "characters with too much stubbornness"...

✦ So the characters who had the skills you were looking for also had the flaws you didn’t like. And those who didn’t have those flaws were missing the qualities you sought.

✦ I did think of other characters, but as I said earlier, we’ll talk about them at the end of the post.

✦ Lastly, two appearance traits caught my attention:

✦ "a mole on the left side of my chin" Karasu has his under his left eye :)

✦ "I'm 157cm" -> 183cm for the crow, so hello to big cuddles.

✦ Now let's move on to the headcanons!

✦ Those moments when you���re both working from home, and you're starting to crack because of too much work; you go make yourself some tea in the kitchen and spot Karasu sitting on the couch in the living room, typing away on his laptop. You ask him what he's doing, and he gestures for you to come over; with your steaming cup in hand, you walk over and notice he’s on an airline’s website. The crow looks up at you and says, "I booked us tickets to the ski resort for this winter."

✦ He always double-checks that everything is packed and nothing’s been forgotten. He’s the one who drives, handles the logistics and organization so you can fully relax. He’s seen how hard you’ve been working this past month. Now it’s your turn to rest!

✦ When you arrive at the resort, you unload your stuff at the chalet. It's warm inside because, of course, he even thought to have the heating turned on an hour before your arrival.

✦ He tries out winter dishes with you. Honestly, he’s pretty good at it, and his favorites are the ones that need to simmer for a long time to be enjoyed.

✦ He’s brought along a few books you bought a while ago but never had time to read because of work. Now it’s time for long reading sessions with a good cup in hand, while gazing at the snowy scenery outside.

✦ Speaking of outside, you’ve chosen a few walking paths along the mountain to explore. With or without a guide; you're there to observe nature and the winter wildlife hidden in the white landscape. Sometimes a bird flies overhead, and Karasu always knows how to identify the species.

✦ Lots of couple photos.

✦ Matching ugly Christmas sweaters, but it’s a secret only you two know.

✦ It’s also your time to write and put your thoughts on paper. Sometimes you read a passage to Karasu before blushing because you're not sure why you did that. And it always makes him silently laugh because he knows it means you're getting more comfortable. He comments on the aspects of your writing that evoke analyses in him, the depth of your characters and the worlds you imagine. It’s actually a skill he doesn’t have—creating a whole world and integrating characters into it coherently. He mostly compares it to a football team thrown into an unknown world, and that comparison makes you laugh, genuinely.

✦ And it makes you think back to how you met.

He was probably the football player who caught your attention on the field among the 22 players.

Because there was something extra about him. You thought about it for a long time and decided there was something in his strategy, his way of always being in the right place at the best moment to block the opponent, something so formidable that it reminded you a little of a predator carefully positioning itself to surprise its prey at the perfect moment.

You know a bit about football, and you definitely know the rules, but you had never imagined an approach like Karasu’s. Because the guy made a good impression on you (anything that makes you think and that you take the time to understand is a good impression for you), you often returned to watch his games from the stands.

Without ever announcing yourself.

It happened one afternoon when you came to see him as usual. Some of his acquaintances had come to see him and sat a few seats away from you.

When halftime came, Karasu climbed the stairs, a towel draped around his sweat-soaked neck. At first, he raised his hand in a wave, and you honestly thought it was for you.

Nope: he climbed the steps and went over to join his friends, sitting right next to you. He talked with them, and although you didn’t understand everything because the excitement of seeing the player who fascinated you being so close was getting a little too much for your emotions, you still overheard what he thought of his performance:

"It wasn’t bad, but I could’ve positioned myself better. If it weren’t for number 9, I could’ve pulled off a feint."

And at that moment, you smiled before adding:

"Actually, even if number 9 hadn’t been there, you wouldn’t have gotten the ball because of number 11 tailing him."

Karasu immediately turned to look at you, mouth slightly open, not knowing what to say.

It was the truth, and none of the guys he was talking to had noticed it.

"… What else did you see?" He asked, one eyebrow raised, the other furrowed.

And that’s how it all started. A single detail you had noticed managed to capture the raven’s attention until the very end.

A word about your match: Honestly, I really enjoyed writing this matchup—the snow, the fireplace, Karasu with a scarf you knitted for him, sitting on the couch together with his arm slid down your back to your hip... Also, for the other contenders I thought about: Barou, but way too stubborn for you. Chigiri, I think with his quick wit and the trauma of his knee, could have made for a good combination, but there was something missing—something aggressive and positive to elevate your duo. Finally, I also considered the following bunch: Rin, Kaiser, Reo, Sae, but eliminated them all because one was too uncommunicative, another too manipulative, one too clingy, the other incapable of humor… So for me, Karasu is the best possible match for you.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | SEPTEMBER ‘24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[golden-flute]

No one asked for my opinion on The Sun and the Star, but I’ve been thinking of nothing else since I finished the book, and I have to write my thoughts or I will explode, lol.

Fair warning: Spoilers and long-ass thought dump ahead.

Gif Originally posted by riptides

On the Themes

I picked out a few different themes that I found carried through the book:

Self-acceptance

Living with trauma

Embracing change

What healing looks like

I thought they were brilliantly approached because there was a lot of nuance for each theme. Particularly when you consider that these are pretty heavy topics for middle-reader age groups!

The biggest theme directly relating to Nico was this idea that it's possible to embrace your trauma, to accept it, and to grow around it. In his case, it's literal, with the Cocoa Puffs hanging around him now like a little parade of Walmart Ghibli Sootballs, lol.

I think that Nico was working through his trauma well before he ever heard the prophecy. The fact that he was able to accept his darkness so easily once Nyx forced him to confront it was more a mark of how far he'd already progressed than it was a big moment where he was suddenly magically healed from all of his baggage. The entire purpose of the Cocoa Puffs was to act as a physical representation of Nico's existing trauma. They will always be a part of him, but they don't define him. He's simply accepted them and freed himself from them without avoiding the fact that they'll still be there. That's such a healthy place to be, particularly because I think a lot of people tend to fall into the same trap of toxic positivity that Will did....

Many people who are natural healers and problem-solvers often fail to realize that being healed doesn't always mean that pain has totally been eradicated, hurray. In their minds, there's always some way to fix broken people. And I think that's why Will's conversation with Persephone was so important for his growth. I think he always saw Nico as someone who needed to be fixed, and to Will, that meant that Nico must hide from his trauma, or ignore it. Will's story arc centered around his acceptance that he can't (and shouldn't) always try to heal people "his way." With Nico, he had to get on his level, see him, and accept his pain. I've known people in my life who tend to avoid negative emotions because they think it's totally bad. But hiding from the pain can often make it worse. Darkness only grows stronger in the shadows, after all.

Nico and Will's internal journeys were two sides of the same coin in that respect. I loved it. Nico was ready to accept his trauma, but in a way, Will had to accept it too.

By the time they reach Nyx, these internal struggles had been mostly resolved and simply need to have their big final moment to totally hit home. But there's another kind-of-subtle-but-also-not theme for Nyx that ingeniously ties into the idea of questioning gender and sexuality. Nyx sees things as black and white. Even her own children, who are more than their labels, have to fit into these perfect molds in her mind. She's the BBEG because she struggles to change or to accept others changing around her. Talk about a heavy topic, right? But then at the end of the book, this idea of change is also beautifully encapsulated in Nico and Piper's discussion about sexuality labels. Particularly from Piper's perspective, since she's still figuring herself out and just going with what feels right in the moment. People are beautifully complex creatures who are capable of being something new every day.

On Characterization

Over the years, I've discovered that I gravitate toward the reformed, darker characters--the gloomy cinnamon rolls, if you will. Nico. Laudna and Caleb from Critical Role. Hunter in the Owl House. Zuko. Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Riku from Kingdom Hearts. So on and so forth. Something about their stories is so compelling to me. Perhaps seeing them overcome their own trials is a symbol that light comes after darkness, which is a message I have clung to my entire life, because it gives me hope for myself. And that’s exactly one of the messages I got from TSATS. This time, it was Nico’s turn for a reprieve from his trauma.

Y'all. Nico's a fucking NERD. The moment we met him as a little kid, he was talking everyone's ears off about Mythomagic, and he revealed he had a pirate phase and... yeah, he's just a nerd. His carefree personality took a huge nosedive after Bianca was killed, and then he became this unrecognizable dark creature of vengeance. I know some folks felt that he was really out of character in TSATS, but I find the shift just harkens back to the themes of change. Nico's transforming before our eyes, guys. Though Apollo's series and into TSATS, he's come to a place of peace where he could let go of his anger and his darkness... or at least accept them. And that's given him the space he needed to kind of get back on an even keel. He's finally able to return to his natural progression as a hyperactive dork. That's what we saw in TSATS and I loved it so much for him.

I found Will's progression really interesting as well. He's always been seen as the intrepid healer with a sometimes-literal glowing halo around him. In this story, the tables were turned and he had to accept that he needed support sometimes too. But more than that, this is the first time we've really gotten inside Will's head. We've only ever really seen him from the perspective of Nico (his admirer) and Apollo (his affectionate father). But this time, we were able to get Will's thoughts, and he's... not as perfect as we expected. And I love it. No one is perfect, and I think that in the absence of more information on Will, people sort of developed headcanons of him that understandably made the TSATS version of him a bit jarring. But if he were this perfect pariah of a character, that would hardly be interesting. I really enjoyed that in the first half, he spent so much time complaining about the Underworld, because it just meant there were some lessons for him to learn as well. He's complex, just like the rest of the PJO cast.

Other Incongruent Thoughts

Guys, I'm dead. When we finally heard the fated prophecy, I was... really underwhelmed. It didn't feel like it was literarily as impressive in the same way the other prophecies had been. It just... wasn't very good poetry. But then Dionysus criticized the rhyme structure and called it "a bit forced" and I was like "Hang on..." Come to find out, Hades made up the prophecy to get Nico to go save Bob! Can you just imagine Hades sitting at a desk, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper, writing bad poetry that's convincing enough to get Nico off his butt and into Tartarus? I'm deceased.

The reunion between Nico, Maria, and Bianca BROKE me, y'all. I was full-on sobbing and my eyes were swollen this morning when I woke up. I was confused by how they were there, since past books said that they'd "moved on," insinuating they'd tried for rebirth. But I saw another post someone made about how Hades (or Bianca?) mentioned that they were the barest of essences remaining. I'm not saying it very well, but it made a lot more sense, and I hadn't caught that insinuation in my read-through. But I absolutely loved that we didn't get this reunion until after Nico had already accepted his trauma. If this meeting had come before, I'm sure he would have fought to "save" his mom and sister--I mean, he even says it in the book. But by that point, all he needed was to say his piece and get some closure, and that was enough for him. It was a mark of how much he's grown, and I just... *chef's kiss*

I love Hades. He's genuinely a good dad. Well... sort of. Maybe not at the beginning of PJO. But he, too, is changing his ways and taking more of an interest in his children. Or at least Nico. I wonder if we'll ever get more Hazel/Hades content? But Nico pretty much confirmed that Hades was around when he was a kid, and Hazel said the same thing in a previous book, which is more than pretty much every other demigod can say, so there you go. By Olympian standards, Hades deserves that #1 Dad mug.

I was really surprised that it took over half the book for Nico and Will to make it to Tartarus! Don't get me wrong, there was still plenty going on, but I was so used to the idea of Percy and Annabeth dropping in at chapter 2, it surprised me!

Anyone else peep the really big typo on page 401 of the US hardcover? "My mother is Bianca di Angelo, and she loved me and my sister." I stared at that for a long time last night wondering if I was going crazy, lolol. From what I've heard, the typo has already been fixed on the kindle version of the book, but those of us with physical copies have got the OG mistake. Whoops, lol!

I'm having a hard time discerning if the "'Dam it,' said Nico." on page 352 is a typo or not, for the pure and simple reason that there were so many dam jokes in PJO. And somewhere else in the book, Nico actually says "Damn," so... was it a typo? The 'dam' joke didn't really have a purpose for being there, and it wasn't repeated later, so I feel more like it might have been another typo?

We got a little Percy and Annabeth action! And Sally and Estelle! I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that Percy and Annabeth had already forgotten about Bob. Especially since Percy's whole growth in the House of Hades was to realize how many people he'd left behind. I never expected them to join Nico and Will in their Tartarus journey, but they apparently brushed him off so fast I got whiplash! What was that about? I wonder if we'll get more on that in the short story that comes out later this year?

We got a little mention of Damasen in this story as well, and obviously if he hasn't regenerated yet, there wasn't much they could do for him. But... I'm surprised that Percy and Annabeth didn't mention him or ask Nico to keep an eye out for him as well because he was there at the Doors of Death, making the same sacrifice as Bob. Will there be another Tartarus rescue mission in the future? Nemesis told Nico that any future journies into Tartarus would be unsuccessful. While I feel like it's unlikely we'll get any more Tartarus field trips, those little asides made me wonder if Rick Riordan's got more ideas floating around that he wanted to leave open for later, just in case.

They used the words gay, bisexual, and lesbian! I don't think this book series has ever done that before! I have a sneaking suspicion that this was part of Mark's contribution to the book. RR usually tends to talk around those words--he'll make it obvious, like when Apollo talked about his love for Hyacinthus, but I don't think Apollo ever actually used the word bisexual to describe himself (correct me if I'm wrong). I think that it was a really good step forward for children's literature. If you're going in, go all in, you know?

Lil Nas X made an unbelievable appearance! Lol! Though I have to admit, the inconsistency of the timeline of references sometimes gets me. Like many books ago, some character probably dropped a reference from ten years ago, and a year or two in book time, we get a Montero reference. Like, it's a small nitpick, but that inconsistency always pulls me out of the story a bit. Yeah, you heard right--I'm totally fine with the issues everyone else had with the books, but the weird timeline of references messes with me, lol. That's where I draw the line! That's not the say the Lil Nas X reference wasn't spectacular, though, lol.

Do I... like Mr. D now? I love Dionysus from the mythologies, but Mr. D was always so... blegh. But he's like legit a decent person to Nico. He shared his popcorn! That. Was. HUGE. Hahaha.

We finally got the full scoop on Nico's first trip to Tartarus!

The nickname "Night-Light" is endlessly adorable. And then Will ruins it by turning around and calling Nico "Death Boy" lol.

The trogs were never my favorite mythological creature ever, but they grew on me in this story.

So... Menoetes and Geryon, huh? Menyon? Geroetes? What's our ship name? Lol.

Will having the hots for Persephone was not on my bingo card, lol! I did really enjoy their talk, though. It really set up Will's character arc very nicely. And I loved that Persephone seems to be taking a leaf out of Hades' book and trying to be a bit kinder towards her stepchildren. It's not their fault, you know?

I'm seeing a lot of reactions to Nico's coming out story. I agree, that's one part I felt was a little bit forced. Introverted people can have moments where they're feeling brave and don't mind an audience (Hi, I'm exhibit A), I wouldn't say it's out of character per se. But it was a little bit... shall we say out of context? Since we didn't get the actual scene, but Nico and Will's recollection of it?

I really liked Gorgyra. The random chapters of stories from Nico and Will kind of jarred me a bit, but I think they were a nice touch, but would have been too much if they'd all been told chronologically. I agree with Rick and Mark's decision to split those up.

Amphithemis was a trip! I wish we could have lingered a bit more on Nico being upset at Will for tricking him away. I was glad that Nico at least asked Hades to free Amphithemis.

I saw some complaints that Nico and Will were super cringey around one another. To that, and as someone who's ace, I say... most couples are cringey around each other, particularly young couples. Nico and Will are still feeling out their relationship, and they don't have the years of friendship that Percy and Annabeth had that made their relationship so easygoing. I think Nico and Will's relationship is a bit more realistic in terms of first loves.

I loved the frank conversations about PTSD. I eat stuff like that up, because when I read it, I can just imagine someone else who really needs that sort of representation reading this book and finding comfort in characters like them.

And I'm literally out of space. I had no idea Tumblr had a character limit, but I hit it, lol. But if you got this far, thanks for reading!

[ca-suffit]

I know most of the time the fandom's racism is talked about here (and for good reason), but I hope it's okay to send you something about the show. I think, for myself, I have come to terms with not being able to continue to watch the show in the future, due to the ending of the finale and Rolin Jones' approach for the next season, but I still cannot stop being angry at all of it. Two seasons we saw the racialized abuse Louis suffered at Lestat's hands, we saw something akin to a slavecatcher scene when he went after Claudia to drag her back home, we saw how her turning actually happened and subsequently how dubious any consent from Louis was when it came to loustat's relationship afterwards. We saw the trial framing the two black characters as evil along with racist caricatures and Lestat going along with the plan to kill his daughter. And despite all that, Jones wants the next season to be about forgiveness. For Louis to forgive him. A white character who has abused his black husband and child and instead of continuing to show a difficult but interesting and nuanced relationship, we are just supposed to move on from the domestic violence and the child abuse. And I know many Lestat fans claim he is innocent anyways, so that means it was just the evil brown man and the lying black man who are at fault, which also reeks of racism. I cannot for the life of me see any other reason for all the things that Jones is saying, other than that he, just as Anne Rice, really really wants to have Lestat be the good guy. I would love to hear your or your followers take on it. (Thank you for this blog, it's nice to be able to talk about things like this that would get you hate anywhere else)

Hi, it's fine to talk about the show too! I'm glad ppl find this space helpful, so it's open to a lot of discussions as time goes tbh.

I think it's ttly understandable if some fans want to stop watching and nobody should be made to feel bad about it. The fandom's condescending attitude towards feelings like this, as if ur "stupid" for feeling it bcuz don't u know that Lestat didn't do all that??? is....just fucked up tbh.

For my personal idea of how I assume it's going to go is that Lestat is never going to be "innocent" or "the good one" like some fans want to believe. This isn't Anne Rice where everything is retconned every other book (he's still a jerk in the books anyway, so...). Everyone here is complicated and traumatized and always will be. I think what's going to happen is audiences need to find more peace at understanding that there is no "right" version of any story. Louis and Claudia's perception of Lestat is real to them (and also could have rly happened entirely as shown too!). It doesn't make them liars, it doesn't make the scenes "fake." The abuse has already been admitted to by all witnesses in at least one (major) instance that (Lestat) ppl wanted to be fake the whole time prior. Idk if they're gonna in depth explore this but it would help if they did. Interracial relationships are always going to have misunderstandings bcuz of racial differences. Lestat is already shown to be ignorant on these topics so it's not difficult to understand how he could double down on shit that means nothing to him but everything to Louis and Claudia. U see even Sam using the excuse sometimes of "well he's a vampire and he sees things as a vampire, not a person." The thing ppl need to understand is that feeling "right" doesn't mean u are and it doesn't mean ur actions and words don't have an impact on others that maybe u didn't intend.

I don't expect the show to wash all of that away and say "Louis is a big, fat liar and nothing u saw was real LOL!!!" bcuz....what the fuck. I'm sure Lestat will reflect on events of IWTV the way he does in the books, and I'm *sure* his stans will say that's "the truth," but I don't expect the show is gonna be trying to say it is. It's just *his* version of events. Hopefully they don't downplay a lot of it bcuz I don't think that's gonna go over well tbh. But otherwise, I do feel like forgiveness as a theme is possible.....v long term. I think what the show fumbled was shoving Lestat into the end of S2 in a far too positive light all at once to feel believable. It definitely came across like there's a hidden agenda about him waiting around the corner. That's not what happens in the books, but it's no surprise why nobody (of the typical book ppl) is bringing that up when it paints Lestat in a *better* light. It felt forced and awful to the audience tho, who literally has only known this man as everything u listed. Even for me, knowing the books, it felt like a mess. I guess they had to soften him a little for S3 to keep viewers, but I feel like it could have been done a different way. This came across as feeling exactly what u put, that it's gonna be an "instant" forgiveness. I don't believe that's what's *rly* going to happen, but I am interested in how the opening of the next season is gonna feel.

The books between IWTV and TVL are jarring like this too, but the books are about white men. The weight of all this racial violence isn't hanging over it all between them. Trying to translate all of this to a visual medium that needs to retain viewers but also race swapped characters is....a lot. Idk if they're gonna do it well, we'll have to see.

Obviously anyone else can give feedback too. That's my perspective thru this anon account but I'm def not asking anyone to keep watching if ur just over it and done. That's ttly understandable. I think a lot of ppl feel this way tbh, especially black fans.

[clever-and-unique-name]

As someone who's been through a lot of DID tumblr community, especially because you used to make infographics and talk about your DID and such here often... IDK, I don't want to ask if you regret talking about your DID or your parts so much, because that's too broad, but like.

[internal grumbling and vague gesturing]

Liiiiike... Hrgh. As a slightly adultier-adult than me, how do you balance having all this DID stuff online and also just like, being a 'normal' person in the world and having a good life where you're married and happy and all that?

For me/us, I feel like a lot of thinking and over-analyzing about DID has been detrimental overall, but it also got us to this place where we *don't* (need to) do that most of the time, and we're able to be pretty blurry and really only talk about DID/'parts stuff' if it becomes A Problem or something Comes Up.

I guess we're asking for your #HotTakes about this, if you'd like to share :)

(If you don't, that's totally okay, don't worry about it. Or you can tell us privately if you like! Just figured we'd ask, because like, nuance and we like your opinions/worldview a lot <3)

Hi Anni ilu :>

I'm answering this at work because I just Can't Resist but I'm not sure if the guys at home will feel the same so uh. That's a disclaimer I guess

Yearsss ago when we made this blog, we were specifically trying to #Figure Ourselves Out. That's explicitly what we made this blog for, to record and try to recognize patterns as we came to terms with having dissociated parts. And we were unemployed at the time (and also out of school? I think?) so we had a LOT of free time to be occupied with this stuff.

Which, as you mentioned, led to us reading a lot of books on the topic of dissociation and making Content about it. And also writing a lottt of more personal diary-like posts.

I don't regret that era per se; we went through a lottt of growth in that time, and it's nice to have it as a time capsule to look back on now (especially with the like, memory issues, ya know.) I don't mind it being Out There "publicly" either; we're pretty strict on what doxx-able info goes here, and our online presence is kept strictly from our irl one, with only a couple highly trusted exceptions.

HOWEVER

I do regret putting so much personal information here without fully understanding how vulnerable it made me. I didn't understand that talking about the struggles certain parts were going through would leave those parts open to people (with mostly good intentions) approaching us with commiseration and comfort--things our younger parts especially were starved for.

At that time we were quite isolated. We didn't have the skills to identify when we were fawning, or set boundaries when we did realize it. (This was before therapy.) And not everyone we let emotionally close to us should have been--something we unfortunately wouldn't learn until much later.

So like. Posting about DID in a general, informative way was pretty chill, and I wish I had the time and energy to do some of that again. But as far as publicly exploring our parts? We now have a pretty hard rule about only sharing things that have been resolved, or setting boundaries when needed.

But I feel you so much about mostly just being blurry unless something is a Problem or needs addressing. (Although it doesn't have to be big, it can be as simple as like "Why do I feel sad...oh, Reki is nearby and needs cuddles, got it.") It's just not as important now to Figure Everything and Everyone Out. I got a job to do and bills to pay. ;)

- Tris

[starlightomatic]

Hi, I’m in the process of converting to Judaism! I’ve recently hit a snag in the road that has caused my progress to stagnate for the past few months. I’m wondering if you might be able to help me (and if not, I absolutely understand!!)

Through learning about Judaism, I’ve learned about the origins of the state of Israel, and the ethnic cleansing of Palestine. It has been heartbreaking learning about the Nakba, the human rights violations, and the continued ignorance and willingness to sweep Palestinian issues under the rug. In my Introduction to Judaism class, my rabbi deflected my genuine questions about Israel’s origins, and claimed “Real Jews don’t think like that. There were no people living in Israel before it was inhabited by Jews in the mid 20th century. It was a barren wasteland that the Jews turned into the fertile environment that it is today.”

And I’m so sorry to say, but that just… isn’t true? There really were people living in Palestine before it became Israel, but my rabbi seemed to think that claiming so was misinformation.

I’ve been despertare to learn how I can continue down my conversion path while grappling with the real history of Israel. It seems everywhere I turn I am not allowed to ask questions. I try to be genuinely respectful, and have been questioning my internal biases and antisemitism. I want to be able to approach this subject and learn more without being antisemitic. I understand it is a complex and nuanced topic.

But I haven’t been able to have any nuanced conversations, because I keep getting shut down immediately.

I am wondering… do you think it is possible for someone to convert to Judaism without blindly supporting Israel? Will I be able to find community, seek truth, and come to a real understanding? Where can a convert-in-progress go to ask questions in genuine good faith without being so quickly dismissed?

I am so so sorry to bring this to you. I know that Judaism is not a monolith, and it is not the responsibility of individual Jews to educate others on Jewish issues. Still, if you are comfortable responding, I would immensely appreciate any insight you’re willing to share.

Thank you so very much for your time!

I'm sorry that your rabbi dismissed you like that. I am not sure the complexities wrt conversion and opinions on Israel, but I will say I think you should convert with a different rabbi because what he said is both racist (anti-Palestinian) and nonsensical.

Hoping my followers have more insights on this! I myself did not convert but a lot of my mutuals did.

[away-ward]

Were you surprised how much Rika and the others depend on Alex? 

Rika? No. They're friends, and Rika needs those bonds.

The others? It was unbelievable how much this woman is able to do. Not that there aren't incredibly accomplished people out there, but the amount of work she gets done for the group + plus keeping up with her own clients + going to college full time + having a social life, and she's still happy. And not taking drugs? And she does it all successfully, never dropping a ball or failing a task? It's just a huge reach for me.

-

OMG THIS! K.O., you perfectly nailed the reason why i found alex's char so questionable. And as a sex worker who frequents drugs and have access to the prostitution and sex work industry, youre telling me she can "stay pure"? While being surrounded by sketchy people who makes money off of preying on young women like her, and selling drugs under table? Her lifestyle literally influences the way she interacts with people, and that is just one word: ugky. And in this case, unrealistic AF.

one thing that i hate so much about authors writing about the sex work industry, escorting, and all those extreme works that normal citizens dont even get access to, is that these authors dont know shit about that world and have sensitivity readers to consider the behavior and opinion of people wprking in that industry itself. Not all sex work is just from OnlyFans and clearly Alex HAD done a lot of sketchy things behind her family's back, so why was she still pure? Even Rika knew that Alex worked for them? So?

idk man, i'm confused. For all these rise about sex working positivity, you would've thought PD would approach this topic with more nuances, because it IS a very complex issue, but nah, not only that Alex's lifestyle and job were not shown to be impacting her emotions a lot other than her being angry at Emmy for aydin's fault in nightfall, we only see her only as a plus when her friends want to have orfies. What about this screams empowerment? Istg if PD just did more research about how escorting, sex industry and porn industry work, Alex's character wouldn't have been so romanticised, and painted as "others". She would've ugly sides just like everyone else,

which is why i hoped PD wrote at least one POV in her behalf. Which i bet, 100% weren't so feminist or women-supporting of her due to the competition among women who are richer, prettier, smarter, chosen than her that she had to face at least since she was 18 with that ex-friend Aurora. Aurora was painted as the crazy girl, but alex WAS the homewrecker. And if alex can fight emmy for stupid shit in nightfall while lauding to everyone how a bitch emmy was even when she wasnt right, why would we trust her words when it comes to Aurora? Alex was messy s fuck! And this is a common problem among escort, and sex workers because their vile and vicious industry out women against another and men around them laugh at them while they fund their lifestyles. It's truly saddening for young women to be caught into this, but it's a reality for many.

which is also why i feel like PD glossed over this aspect, because we could at least get one explaination about how insensitive alex was to her FRIEND, emmy in nightfall. Because to a lot of workers in this industry, this is their norm. Fights, slamders, cheating, and pose emmy's friendship with her that started well from the start until the end a unique dynamic among her other relationships in life. Made me angry when alex was always fighting emmy for everything that aydin but never once hurt aydin or will in the process. She wasn't the feminist figure that everyone thought she was. But then everyone had low as fuck standards, so ofc, just like winter, her misogyny was overlooked.

i'm sure if we get an alex pov, we probably would've explored this side of her as a sex worker more, and how her relationship with men are different than women since she had to always buddy up with men, and hurt their gfs or be in competition with them. Alex's first interaction with all the horsemen's wives always interesting to me because you can see where these girls came from, how they were risen up in family, and what kind of person they chose to be to strangers, especially women that looked like are in "competition" with them. Which obviously made me love Emory even more. I think this point of Emory treating the girls well has been said many times, but it's truly sad that this is even an outlier, it should)ve been the standard. Which also made me like the dark verse series more because of the genuine supportive female relationships in that series.

in conclusion, i dont mind reading about nasty fmcs or women because in a dark romance, i dont hold fmcs to a higher standard than their male counterpart, but for stupid reasons? These characters almost dont want people to like them at this point because they all sound shallow and stupid as fuck. For them to still be stupid and nasty (especially from one women to another, and one men to another) for no reason while already having 7-8 members in the family? No braincells? WTF? I love dark romance, but it's hard to find the ones that truly makes it good and smart, because even the dark verse has a problem with the grammar and writing style. Ugh idk.

have you wver thought of alex's character in this angle, K.O.? I'm surprised nobody ever discussed this point.

And as a sex worker who frequents drugs and have access to the prostitution and sex work industry, youre telling me she can "stay pure"?

Sooooo. . . I was actually just talking about, like uh, Adderall.

You’re telling me she was able to do all of that with out taking some sort up upper, was my take. There's no way that girl is doing all of that, without some help, and taking care of herself.

I’m not aware of the specifics of the sex work industry. Most of what I know, which is little, is gleaned from the small exposure I have from social media. It’s either portrayed as the worst decision someone every made, forever giving them self-esteem and trust issues, or their way to freedom and the best decision they ever made. This is why I’ve never made an issue about Alex being a sex worker. She always said it was just a job and that she intended to quit someday, and I took her word for it.

My issue with Alex’s sex life is that she makes everything about it. I can’t get these moments out of my head. Like when something was going on, and Banks walked in on Alex with Lev, distracting him from what he was supposed to be doing, and Banks had to tell Alex ‘no’. Alex got pouty, if I remember.

Rika telling someone that when Alex is thinking about sex, someone is getting laid.

Alex asking who’s available for her with they’re on the yacht and all the other couples pair off. Banks and Rika need to reassure her that she can have access to the crew and Lev. Which made Alex feel like it was her birthday and Christmas rolled into one.

Again, not fully informed on the specifics, but it comes across as if she’s a borderline sex addict. As if as soon as the idea occurs to her, she has to act on it. She can't go one night without sex, and it doesn't matter who with. It doesn't feel like sex positivity. It feels like unhealthy behavior and a coping mechanism. Which, maybe it is to cover up how empty her life is without Aydin.

And then, in Conclave, to turn in around and have Alex express sadness that she ended up in this position almost by accident. But, still, she would never change it. Despite her doing all that work for the group, despite Rika pointing out that she could have a job where she doesn’t have to sell herself for $500 an hour, she always vehemently refuses to give it up because “there’s nothing wrong” with what she does.

Two things can be true at once, I guess. But it reads as a conflicting character to me. The fact that it’s not address leaves me with the impression that Alex’s character being contradictory wasn’t intended.

The “being pure” has less to do with what Alex does, but more of her personality. The idea is that despite everything she’s gone through, all the challenges she’s had to face, and the work she does, which is looked down on, Alex never let anything dull her light. She still approaches things with a childlike wonder and excitement. She still has a brightness and warmth to her. She hasn’t let the hardships make her callous. Therefore, she is pure and innocent, like a child.

you would've thought PD would approach this topic with more nuances

I don’t expect PD to approach anything with nuance. And that’s not a dig at them. There’s plenty of authors that I expect will do mid-level research for their plot, and will get some things right and some things wrong. In fact, a good way to do research is to search "What does Hollywood get wrong about –" because there’s a good chance someone who actually does have experience with that topic will be ranting about it online.

What I expect is nuance with the characters. Alex had the potential to be an interesting character, but like Rika and Damon, reaches levels of ‘this character is so perfect it’s irritating’.

not only that Alex's lifestyle and job were not shown to be impacting her emotions

Like I mentioned above, there is that scene in Conclave where Alex does express her feelings about her job a little bit more clearly than usual. In Nightfall, Alex tells Will that she puts everything under another layer of lipstick, clearly indicating that, like him, she shoves all her negative thoughts and feelings away and only focuses on the good in her life. She pretends everything is good, like Will did before Blackchurch. Since we only see her from other people’s point of views, we’re only getting the side of her that’s happy. It’s why a POV chapter from Alex might have been beneficial. It would have given her some nuance, and readers a chance to understand her better, if they wanted to.

how insensitive alex was to her FRIEND, emmy in nightfall. Because to a lot of workers in this industry, this is their norm. Fights, slamders, cheating,

I guess because of my lack of knowledge about the sex industry, I didn’t include the sense of competition in when considering the dynamic between Emory and Alex. I mean, I know Alex wanted to “protect” Will from being hurt by Emory, because she identified Emory as being the same threat to Will as Aydin was to her. But the added background of having to constantly be better than other women to get and keep clients wasn’t something I calculated for. It’s a wonder that Alex is even able to keep female friends. It seems like that sense of competition should bleed over into other aspects. In fact, in the books she sees the men as competition more often, like when she told Kai he “stole” her threesome with Michael and Rika, so therefore she should get to have Banks.

Which, in a way, seems like another instance of Alex being above it all. Those traits affect everyone else, but she’s better than to get caught up in trivial and petty fights. She’s got better things to focus on.

But again, I’m not sure how that actually works, and I assume that it’s not the same for every individual across the board. There’s probably different experiences and perspectives.

Made me angry when alex was always fighting emmy for everything that aydin but never once hurt aydin or will in the process. She wasn't the feminist figure that everyone thought she was. But then everyone had low as fuck standards, so ofc, just like winter, her misogyny was overlooked.

See, this is not something that I totally mind when reading. It feels realistic that our actions don’t always match up with what we say. So having a character talk and act as if they always support women no matter what, and then have them targeting a woman (in this case, Emory) rather than the actual source of their anger (Aydin), feels like something that humans actually do.

My problem is that it’s she’s not called out on it? Or at least, she’s never framed as being “wrong” for it. As if she’s justified in behaving that way, when she’s not. She is being hypocritical, and having a double standard.

And maybe I’m just not reading the text deeply enough to see that Emory has corrected her, and that’s why the scene in the bridal shop matters. I mean, we joke about supporting women’s wrongs. But we first have to acknowledge that they. . .did wrong. . .? Which I feel like we do with Emory and Banks, but not with Alex. So it make it difficult to get to the point where we can joke about it, since the text (seemingly) and half the fandom refuse to acknowledge that it happened.

I think this point of Emory treating the girls well has been said many times, but it's truly sad that this is even an outlier, it should)ve been the standard

I really do appreciate that Emory never did treat other women as the competition. Even when she first met Alex, and Alex teased her about sizing her up, Emory didn’t change the way she treated Alex. There’s a lot more to it, but when compared to the other women meeting Alex, it does stand out as different.

have you wver thought of alex's character in this angle, K.O.? I'm surprised nobody ever discussed this point.

I’m also surprised this is the first time someone is bringing how her life as an escort should be affecting Alex’s behavior. At least, with me. It’s an interesting conversation, for sure.

[letterslaura]

Reading as an articulating axis and practices involving Educational Technologies.

Coucou everyone!

You may have guessed by the title of this post that today our topic is around reading practice, so let's dive together into these letters:

Bursting with creativity was the best thing about being a kid, if you ask me. I remember making the most out of an afternoon in the backyard, by flying to whole new realities in my head. I owe that to all the books I read throughout my childhood. Thanks to my mom, who would always take me to the municipal library, reading was pleasant and satisfying. It was different than watching a movie, for I got some power over the elements presented in the form of words (although we have some world/character description, the final images in our heads might not be the same as what the author originally viewed), creating a deeper connection with the narrative.

As I got older, I tried to read books in English a few times, but it was frustrating. The impatient 15-year-old Laura did not enjoy the fact that she did not know a lot of English words, so the process of looking them up in the dictionary was quite overwhelming, and I could never finish a whole book. After giving up for a while, I tried bilingual books, which have each page in English and in Portuguese. Having the translation of every word makes the reading more fluid and natural, it keeps a story’s sweet flow. 

In school, English reading was not the focus. Most of the time,  the reading practice was limited to small texts, either on a handout or in the textbook. It was never as interesting as the reading activities in Portuguese, where we had to spot different textual genres and linguistic elements or reflect on the story’s morals. Even though these activities were sometimes not the most appealing,  they offered much more possibilities of engagement and comprehension. Today, Brazil’s National Common Curricular Base (BNCC), has taken reading in the English language in a different direction. The reading process should maintain its authenticity, taking into account many important nuances, such as interdisciplinary approach, cultural and linguistic diversity, digital literacy and critical thinking. Further on, the axis of reading in English in basic education is also known as “reading and viewing” and it englobes the skills of reading and comprehending texts in English. Following these guidelines, teachers should be able to work with interesting authentic texts in English, from traditional books to websites, social media posts, news and so on.

In my opinion, the best reading technologies to exist are the simplest and most traditional: google translate and dictionaries. It goes without saying that you’ll find any word you need in dictionaries. But there is so much more than that! In a dictionary you can find a lot of example sentences, synonyms and antonyms. That’s why they will never cease to be a reader’s most important tool, our best friend. Google Translate, on the other hand, might have caused some of you disgust. But it is, in fact, the fastest and most practical translating tool. There are many words that are better understood by translating and a lot of time can be saved this way. Furthermore, on Google Translate there's also the possibility of listening to the pronunciation of the words, which can enrich the reading experience even more.

I really enjoyed writing about the development of reading practices in school! How joyful are these memories! They really inspired me to read for fun more often. I hope that you also get inspired to read something! Don't forget to leave a comment below. See you!

XOXO

Laura

[powdermelonkeg]

Novelist thoughts (aka I am holding myself accountable so help me)

I waited to make this post for over a month, just to make sure it wasn't a passing worldbuilding idea that I liked the thread of (I have a LOT of those, in the hundreds), but this one's stuck around and continued to develop into its own thing.

I need to state that this happens very, very rarely for me. Finding ideas is extremely easy, and finding ones I like enough to obsess over isn't much harder than that. The trouble is hanging onto it without getting bored—it has to develop, partly on its own, and hang onto my attention. As I get deeper into it, rather than approaching a topic and going "I need conflict from this, what can I do?" an idea that sticks long-term continues to give me threads to follow without my bidding.

My biggest (and arguably first) world like this is one called Oremus. I started it in October of 2018 after watching Mary and the Witch's Flower, and I'm still adding things to it to this day. It's a fun world I like to play with, from history to fauna to magic, and my roommate and I sometimes make mini-stories that take place in it that let me expand on it more. However, it's very much a kitchen sink sort of world; it started from a collection of concepts I just found vaguely cool and ran with, and some evidence of that can be seen in its construction—the names of different places having little cohesive identity, the bits and pieces borrowed from media I was into at its inception (which have evolved to become their own things, but still have transparent threads), the kinds of settings I like to explore with it.

This also plays into its size; while it's huge and expansive, with me doing things like making entire biomes just to account for the fact that I wanted giant foxes, there are parts of the world that have much more identity than others, and a cast of nearly a hundred unique characters with their own lives and stories. That's not a bad thing, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it's evidence of how much I've been able to grow as a writer over time, and how much practice I've had at making settings and people feel unique with minimal input.

The problem with it is, I built a world without a story to tell.

You could tell a lot of stories in Oremus, but it wasn't made to tell a story. Which means that the things I want to show about it are completely isolated from each other, and trying to build a novel out of it is a daunting task, if not outright impossible. Which country do I start in? What characters do I use? How will cameos of characters I like not derail whatever I'm trying to tell with it, knowing what they're doing at that moment but not being able to show its entirety?

I've tried writing that very story, and I can never really get past the first half of the first chapter, both because the characters I've decided are my protagonists didn't get the same treatment as the characters IN the world, and because I'd have to cut and change so much of the world I made, just to fit them, that it might as well not be that world at all.

I still love it. I still plan to continue to play around in it, build and crash empires and make more and more nuances between countries. But it's not novel-making material, just like a composition notebook wouldn't work as a movie poster.

Another world I've constructed from this feeling is on a much smaller scale, called Amara. That one's a fanfiction exclusive; it takes the world of Fullmetal Alchemist and gives it an opposite foil. For those of you who play Zelda, Amara is FMA's Lorule. The characters have the same names and faces, but a few different traits that set them apart, and the world they live in is dying.

Because it's so small, and because it's fanfiction only, it's very self-contained. It's easy to make it make a story if I want it to. But that then presents the flipside of the coin from Oremus; because it's fanfiction, it wouldn't work as a standalone piece. Even if I renamed everybody and used the world I built as I pleased, without the context FROM the original world, the way I've twisted it doesn't hold any weight to it.

Both of these have been instrumental in my ability to grow as a writer. I learned how to make complex characters. I learned how to craft plots that were interesting and hammer out plotholes—I have my roommate @doin-a-heckin-science to thank for that, since any characters we put into the setting WOULD find those plot holes by interacting with them and asking questions.

Back to my original point.

I think I've caught that shooting star again. It started from an idea, then gathered up more sparks as I thought about it and what it could mean. It's an original idea I've held for a month, building a world around it and giving it its own identity. And the new thing about this one is, I actually have a plot.

Not just a cool story to tell.

Not just characters I want to play with.

Not just an environment I want to show off.

I have an actual plot. With themes. I have subplots and foreshadowing and an ending. I have an outline.

I never make outlines.

I'm writing this here partly, as stated, to hold myself accountable. I love this idea and I don't want it to burn out, which so often happens with fresh new worlds once the novelty's worn off.

But another big part of it is excitement. It's a world I want to see on paper. It's a STORY I want to see on paper. It's something that's actually motivating me to read, and study, and practice, with the hopes of publishing it one day and signing copies, running a blog about its worldbuilding and conlangs.

I don't know how to end this essay thing off. It's just sort of an update on where I am in terms of…ME. It's a thrill and a daunting task and it's something I really, really look forward to.

I'm going to keep it under wraps, at first. I don't know what exactly I can say or not say without wrecking my publishing chances before they've started, and I don't want to disappoint people by talking about things I might have to axe later. But as I get closer and closer to making this book a reality, expect to see more details and ramblings and other such pieces of this puzzle I'm cutting.

Thanks for the read.

[katherineholmes]

From the ask game!

3, 7, 12, 13, 14, 30, 38, and 45 (i would've asked you the entire thing in excitement but these are all I'm curious about 😂)

Oh god, I am so, so sorry about how late this answer is, but…. I’ve finally opened my asks, so this and everything else will get answered soon, I promise 🤞🏽

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Probably possessive behaviour or protectiveness, mainly because I'm writing about the Mikaelsons. But, I do enjoy these tropes, and then changing the power dynamics later on.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

Um, hmm...world building 🤔 Maybe in Make It Holy, Mystic Falls in 1919 was quite difficult to plan out, all the characters and all. Every character except Klaus and Elena is technically an OC at this point. But I'm especially looking forward to the world building in New Orleans in 1919, because it's a mixed bag of canon characters and OCs.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

Kidnapping lol. I didn't exactly dislike it, but I wasn't very fond of this trope, but I think writing Klaus/Elena in particular has opened me up to it, to the point that I definitely see it as a very useful plot device to both further the action and add tension.

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

Best friends to lovers maybe, I used to be a fan of it before, but I'm not now. While I understand that a lot of people like the strangers -> friends -> lovers situation, I just don't understand unless there's some sort of identity crisis that one of the characters have.

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

Toxic/abusive relationships. It's great when the author is using it to show a characters arc, and are aware of what they're writing, but a lot of fics that I've read in the past romanticise toxic relationships, which I cannot read. I actually love reading about romance and love existing within a toxic dynamic that either the author/characters are actively trying to better or even where the characters are stuck in a cycle, as long as it isn’t presented as ‘right’. But that's different than romanticising abusive behaviour.

In my experience, very few authors understand the difference and the nuance, so I stick to people I know.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

The Monster In Her Mind. It was an extremely difficult fic for me to write, I think it was the first time I'd written in present tense, and it was extremely triggering. There are graphic, if brief, depictions of rape in it, and I actually reached a point where I couldn't physically write more of it. There is also so much violence and grief in it that I don't think I would've been able to complete it if I hadn't written it in one sitting.

It definitely made me realise that I can write in present tense, if I want, although I do still prefer past tense. I also know that I can write about sensitive topics if I want. But mainly it taught me that while fiction is fiction, sometimes there are certain topics, that as a writer, I must handle with the utmost care, because it can be so easy to make small of a very real, very serious issue.

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

The Monsters In Her Heart and the Monster series in general actually. I honestly thought I’d get hate for it. Instead I have never received such response on any of my other works, and it means the absolute world to me.

I couldn't be more grateful, because it is an extremely important and personal story to me, and the fact that anyone would read it despite how triggering it is, and then take out the time of their day to discuss it with me is everything to me. I'm not sure about the popularity, but as long as it touches someone and helps them, it's worth it for me.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

A lot, prose, grammar, the flow of a story, plot, foreshadowing. I've learnt a lot while writing fic, which is the most important thing to me. To be better than yesterday, and while I wouldn't call myself great by any means, I know how much it's taken for me to improve, and that's all that matters.

Thank you so much for such amazing questions Q! You’re incredible ❤️

[cpvnksabm]

Okay, this got way more notes than I expected it to, so I feel like I should say something.

Hi! I'm the anonymous friend of OP who made this!

Just want to clear up a few things:

I asked my friend to post this on my behalf because I was in a severe mental health episode where I wouldn't have been able to handle it if the fandom responded badly to this. Luckily, that ended up being overcautious on my part! No fandom is perfect obviously and I can't say everyone has responded perfectly to this post, but overall, the response has genuinely been so much better than I expected. Thank you guys.

This post is lacking in some detail & nuance, and that's not an accident. I actually originally wrote - I'm serious - a 1600 word essay about this topic, in which I was able to essentially cover every possible nuance of this issue & pre-emptively refute every possible counter-argument. I realised pretty quickly though that probably nobody was going to read all that, so I distilled the basic points into this, hoping it would be a more approachable format.

I've noticed some people in the notes saying this looks like a spotify wrapped presentation. Um, I've been using the youtube app for my music this whole time, I wouldn't know anything about that, it's genuinely a coincidence. I'm not offended or anything, you guys are 100% free to keep calling this a spotify wrapped, I'd just... like you to be mindful of derailing, because frankly, being reminded of spotify wrapped is the dumbest thing to derail a whole serious post for. It's one thing to listen to what I'm saying and then jokingly say "i like your spotify wrapped", it's another thing to only engage with this post to make the spotify wrapped comparison.

People downplaying or defending ocean's ableism (and bullying disabled fans in relation to that) is far from the only example of ableism in this fandom. I know that. I chose to zero in on this issue because (1) I felt it was, in itself, a big enough issue for a whole slideshow (or a 1600 word essay), (2) I've witnessed and experienced this a lot firsthand and therefore felt qualified to speak on it, and (3) I was considering making multiple slideshows similar to this, each focusing in on a different issue, because if I try to cover every issue at once then I won't have time to properly address any of them

I don't consider it inherently derailing that people are bringing up other unrelated examples of RTC ableism in the notes! These are all important discussions that need to happen. That being said - the main reason I made this post was to inspire some self-reflection from abled fans and, hopefully, better behaviour.

I worry that some people in the notes are ignoring criticisms of the fandom, which includes them, and instead focusing on criticising people actually involved in RTC, like the scriptwriters and producers. Those people need to be held accountable too, but let's just be mindful - are you seeing a post that was meant to prompt self-reflection on your own behaviour and instead just using it to dunk on the other abled people for doing ableist things you obviously had no part in, since you could never be ableist yourself?

Okay, above nitpicks aside - thank you to everyone who reblogged this post. Seriously. It gives me a lot of hope to think that I can speak up about the ableism I'm experiencing and have hundreds of people see it, agree with it, and even actively boost my voice. I'm often belittled when I speak up about ableism in fandom - that's kind of what the post was about - and so I had low expectations for how this would go over, but it warms my heart to see the notes on this post go up. I want everyone to know that it really does make a difference when you read and share posts like these, because it makes at least one disabled person feel more welcome in the fandom.

you guys totally free to reblog the base post instead of this addition. i've said a lot of words here and the whole point of the original post was to be simple and approachable - i think sometimes presenting the basic idea in a way people will understand is more important than getting across every nuance. I wouldn't mind this version getting spread around a bit among people who already saw the first part though.

This was made by a friend of mine, who would like to remain anonymous.