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hopelesslys-world · 1 year ago

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50 SHADES OF FUCKED UP | CH. 2

TRIGGER WARNINGS!: TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, reader is kind of a bimbo, heavily detailed smut, basically porn, loss of virginity, harsh language, anger issues, stalking, obsession, jealousy, controlling behaviour, DOM-SUB themes, BDSM Expand considered to be portrayed with incorrect/poor etiquette, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse/assault, statutory rape.

Tell me if I missed anything...( As you can see most of the warnings will appear in future chapters. )

I apologize for any grammar mistakes...

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

Y/M/N: Your Middle Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

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*𝘾𝙃𝙍𝙄𝙎𝙏𝙄𝘼𝙉'𝙎 𝙋𝙊𝙑*

┅┅

𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋. Was all I could focus on as soon as the elevator doors closed and she disappeared.

“Andrea,” I bark as I return to my office. ��Get me Welch on the line, now.”

As I sit at my desk and wait for the call.

I look at the paintings on the wall of my office and Miss Y/L/N’s words drift back to me. “Raising the ordinary to extraordinary.” She could so easily have been describing herself.

My phone buzzes. “I have Mr. Welch on the line for you.”

“Put him through.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Welch, I need a background check.”

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•••

Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N

DOB: ( The Month and day you were born ). 1989, Montesano, WA

Address: 1114 SW Green Street, Apartment 7, Haven Heights, Vancouver, WA 98888

Mobile No: 360-959-4352

Social Security No: 987-65-4320

Bank: Wells Fargo Bank, Vancouver, WA:

Acct. No.: 309361: $683.16 balance

Occupation: Undergraduate Student WSU Vancouver College of Arts and Sciences English Major

GPA: 4.0

Prior Education: Montesano Jr. Sr. High School

SAT Score: 2150

Employment: Clayton’s Hardware Store, NW Vancouver Drive, Portland, OR (part-time)

Father: Franklin A. Lambert, DOB: Sept. 1, 1969, Deceased (The day before your birthday), 1989

Mother: Carla May Wilks Adams,

DOB: July 18, 1970

m. Frank Lambert March 1, 1989,

widowed (The day before your birthday), 1989

m. Raymond Y/L/N June 6, 1990,

divorced July 12, 2006

m. Stephen M. Morton Aug. 16, 2006,

divorced Jan. 31, 2007

Current Marriage Situation: m. Bob Adams April 6, 2009

Political Affiliations: None Found

Religious Affiliations: None Found

Sexual Orientation: Not Known

Relationships: None Indicated at Present

•••

I pore over the executive summary for the hundredth time since I received it two days ago, looking for some insight into the enigmatic Miss Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. I cannot get the damned woman out of my mind, and it’s seriously beginning to piss me off.

This past week, during particularly dull meetings, I’ve found myself replaying the interview in my head. Her fumbling fingers on the recorder, the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, the lip biting. Yes. The lip biting gets me every time.

And now here I am, parked outside Clayton’s, a mom-and-pop hardware store on the outskirts of Portland where she works.

You’re a fool, Grey. Why are you here?

I knew it would lead to this. All week…I knew I’d have to see her again. I’d known it since she uttered my name in the elevator. I’d tried to resist. I’d waited five days, five tedious days, to see if I’d forget about her. And I don’t do waiting. I hate waiting…for anything.

I’ve never pursued a woman before. The women I’ve had understood what I expected of them. My fear now is that Miss Y/L/N is just too young and that she won’t be interested in what I have to offer.

Will she? Will she even make a good submissive?

I shake my head. So here I am, an ass, sitting in a suburban parking lot in a dreary part of Portland. Her background check has produced nothing remarkable—except the last fact, which has been atthe forefront of my mind.

It’s the reason I’m here.

Why no boyfriend, Miss Y/L/N? Sexual orientation unknown—perhaps she’s gay. I snort, thinking that unlikely. I recall the question she asked during the interview, her acute embarrassment, the way her skin flushed a pale rose…I’ve been suffering from these lascivious thoughts since I met her.

That’s why you’re here. I’m itching to see her again—those eyes have haunted me, even in my dreams.

I haven’t mentioned her to Flynn, and I’m glad because I’m now behaving like a stalker. Perhaps I should let him know. No. I don’t want him hounding me about his latest solution-based-therapy shit.

I just need a distraction, and right now the only distraction I want is the one working as a salesclerk in a hardware store.

You’ve come all this way.

Let’s see if little Miss Y/L/N is as appealing as I remember.

Showtime, Grey.

A bell chimes a flat electronic note as I walk into the store. It’s much bigger than it looks from the outside, and although it’s almost lunchtime the place is quiet, for a Saturday. There are aisles and aisles of the usual junk you’d expect.

I’d forgotten the possibilities that a hardware store could present to someone like me. I mainly shop online for my needs, but while I’m here, maybe I’ll stock up on a few items: Velcro, split rings—Yeah. I’ll find the delectable Miss Y/L/N and have some fun.

It takes me all of three seconds to spot her. She’s hunched over the counter, staring intently at a computer screen and picking at her lunch—a bagel. Absentmindedly, she wipes a crumb from the corner of her lips and into her mouth and sucks on her finger.

My cock twitches in response.

What am I, fourteen? My body’s reaction is irritating. Maybe this will stop if I fetter, fuck, and flog her…and not necessarily in that order. Yeah. That’s what I need.

She is thoroughly absorbed by her task, and it gives me an opportunity to study her. Salacious thoughts aside, she’s attractive, seriously attractive. I’ve remembered her well.

She looks up and freezes. It’s as unnerving as the first time I met her. She pins me with a discerning stare—shocked, I think—and I don’t know if this is a good response or a bad response.

“Miss Y/L/N. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Mr. Grey,” she says, breathy and flustered. Ah, a good response.

“I was in the area. I need to stock up on a few things. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” A real pleasure.

She’s dressed in a tight T-shirt and pants, kind of disappointing, earlier this week all she wore was flattering mini skirts and sweaters.

She’s all long legs, narrow waist, and perfect tits. Her lips are still parted in surprise, and I have to resist the urge to tip her chin up and close her mouth.

I’ve flown from Seattle just to see you, and the way you look right now, it was really worth the journey.

“Y/N. My name’s Y/N. What can I help you with, Mr. Grey?” She takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders like she did in the interview, and gives me a fake smile that I’m sure she reserves for customers.

Game on, Miss Y/L/N. “There are a few items I need. To start with, I’d like some cable ties.” My request catches her off guard; she looks stunned.

Oh, this is going to be fun. You’d be amazed what I can do with a few cable ties, baby.

“We stock various lengths. Shall I show you?” she says, finding her voice.

“Please. Lead the way.”

She steps out from behind the counter and gestures toward one of the aisles. She’s wearing Converse shoes.

Idly I wonder what she’d look like in skyscraper heels. Louboutins…nothing but Louboutins.

“They’re with the electrical goods, aisle eight.” Her voice wavers and she blushes…

She is affected by me. Hope blooms in my chest. She’s not gay, then. I smirk.

“After you.” I hold my hand out for her to lead the way. Letting her walk ahead gives me the space and time to admire her fantastic ass. Her long, thick hair keeps time like a metronome to the gentle sway of her hips. She really is the whole package: sweet, polite, and beautiful, with all the physical attributes I value in a submissive.

But the million-dollar question is, could she be a submissive? She probably knows nothing of the lifestyle—my lifestyle—but I very much want to introduce her to it. You are getting way ahead of yourself on this deal, Grey.

“Are you in Portland on business?” she asks, interrupting my thoughts. Her voice is high; she’s feigning disinterest. It makes me want to laugh. Women rarely make me laugh.

“I was visiting the WSU farming division. It’s based in Vancouver,” I lie. Actually, I’m here to see you, Miss Y/L/N.

Her face falls, and I feel like a shit.

“I’m currently funding some research there in crop rotation and soil science.” That, at least, is true.

“All part of your feed-the-world plan?” She arches a brow, amused.

“Something like that,” I mutter. Is she laughing at me? Oh, I’d love to put a stop to that if she is.

But how to start? Maybe with dinner, rather than the usual interview…now, that would be novel: taking a prospect out to dinner.

We arrive at the cable ties, which are arranged in an assortment of lengths and colors. Absentmindedly, my fingers trace over the packets. I could just ask her out for dinner. Like on a date?

Would she accept? When I glance at her she’s examining her knotted fingers. She can’t look at me… this is promising. I select the longer ties. They are more flexible, after all, as they can accommodate two ankles and two wrists at once.

“These will do.”

“Is there anything else?” she says quickly—either she’s being super-attentive or she wants to get me out of the store, I don’t know which.

“I’d like some masking tape.”

“Are you redecorating?”

“No, not redecorating.” Oh, if you only knew…

“This way,” she says. “Masking tape is in the decorating aisle.”

Come on, Grey. You don’t have much time. Engage her in some conversation. “Have you worked here long?” Of course, I already know the answer. Unlike some people, I do my research. For some reason she’s embarrassed.

Fuck, this girl is shy. I don’t have a hope in hell. She turns quickly andwalks down the aisle toward the section labeled Decorating. I follow her eagerly, like a puppy.

“Four years,” she mumbles as we reach the masking tape. She bends down and grasps two rolls, each a different width.

“I’ll take that one.” The wider tape is much more effective as a gag. As she passes it to me, the tips of our fingers touch, briefly. It resonates in my groin. Damn!

She pales. “Anything else?” Her voice is soft and husky.

I’m having the same effect on her that she has on me. Maybe… “Some rope, I think.”

“This way.” She scoots up the aisle, giving me another chance to appreciate her fine ass.

“What sort were you after? We have synthetic and natural filament rope…twine…cable cord…”

Shit—stop. I groan inwardly, trying to chase away the image of her suspended from the ceiling in my playroom. “I’ll take five yards of the natural filament rope, please.” It’s coarser and chafes more if you struggle against it…my rope of choice.

A tremor runs through her fingers, but she measures out five yards like a pro. Pulling a utility knife from her right pocket, she cuts the rope in one swift gesture, coils it neatly, and ties it off with a slipknot. Impressive.

“Were you a Girl Scout?”

“Organized group activities aren’t really my thing, Mr. Grey.”

“What is your thing, Y/N?” Her pupils dilate as I stare.

Yes!

“Books,” she answers.

“What kind of books?”

“Oh, you know. The usual. The classics. British literature, mainly.”

British literature? The Brontës and Austen, I bet. All those romantic hearts-and-flowers types.

That’s not good.

“Anything else you need?”

“I don’t know. What else would you recommend?” I want to see her reaction.

“For a do-it-yourselfer?” she asks, surprised.

I want to hoot with laughter. Oh, baby, DIY is not my thing. I nod, stifling my mirth. Her eyes flick down my body and I tense. She’s checking me out!

“Coveralls,” she blurts out.

It’s the most unexpected thing I’ve heard her say since the “Are you gay?” question.

“You wouldn’t want to ruin your clothing.” She gestures to my jeans.

I can’t resist. “I could always take them off.”

“Um.” She flushes beet red and stares down.

I put her out of her misery. “I’ll take some coveralls. Heaven forbid I should ruin any clothing.”

Without a word, she turns and walks briskly up the aisle, and I follow in her enticing wake. “Do you need anything else?” she says, sounding breathless as she hands me a pair of blue coveralls. She’s mortified, eyes still cast down. Christ, she does things to me.

“How’s the article coming along?” I ask, in the hope she might relax a little.

She looks up and gives me a brief relieved smile.

Finally.

“I’m not writing it, Bella is. Miss Clark. My roommate, she’s the writer. She’s very happy with it. She’s the editor of the newspaper, and she was devastated that she couldn’t do the interview in person.”

It’s the longest sentence she’s uttered since we first met, and she’s talking about someone else, not herself. Interesting.

Before I can comment, she adds, “Her only concern is that she doesn’t have any original photographs of you.”

The tenacious Miss Clark wants photographs. Publicity stills, eh? I can do that. It will allow me to spend time with the delectable Miss Y/L/N.

“What sort of photographs does she want?”

She gazes at me for a moment, then shakes her head, perplexed, not knowing what to say.

“Well, I’m around. Tomorrow, perhaps…” I can stay in Portland. Work from a hotel. A room at The Heathman, perhaps. I’ll need Taylor to come down, bring my laptop and some clothes. Or Elliot —unless he’s screwing around, which is his usual thing to do over the weekend.

“You’d be willing to do a photo shoot?” She cannot contain her surprise.

I give her a brief nod. Yeah, I want to spend more time with you… Steady, Grey.

“Bella will be delighted—if we can find a photographer.” She smiles and her face lights up like a cloudless dawn. She’s breathtaking.

“Let me know about tomorrow.” I pull my wallet from my jeans. “My card. It has my cell number on it. You’ll need to call before ten in the morning.” And if she doesn’t, I’ll head on back to Seattle and forget about this stupid venture.

The thought depresses me.

“Okay.” She continues to grin.

“Y/N!” We both turn as a young man dressed in casual designer gear appears at the far end of the aisle. His eyes are all over Miss Y/N Y/L/N. Who the hell is this prick?

“Er, excuse me for a moment, Mr. Grey.” She walks toward him, and the asshole engulfs her in a gorilla-like hug. My blood runs cold. It’s a primal response.

Get your fucking paws off her.

I fist my hands when she returns his hug.

They fall into a whispered conversation. Maybe Welch’s facts were wrong. Maybe this guy is her boyfriend. He looks the right age, and he can’t take his greedy little eyes off her. He holds her for a moment at arm’s length, examining her, then stands with his arm resting on her shoulder. It seems like a casual gesture, but I know he’s staking a claim and telling me to back off. She seems embarrassed, shifting from foot to foot.

Shit. I should go. I’ve overplayed my hand. She’s with this guy.

Then she says something else to him and moves out of his reach, touching his arm, not his hand, shrugging him off. It’s clear they aren’t close.

Good.

“Er…Paul, this is Christian Grey. Mr. Grey, this is Paul Clayton. His brother owns the place.”

She gives me an odd look that I don’t understand and continues, “I’ve known Paul ever since I’ve worked here, though we don’t see each other that often. He’s back from Princeton, where he’s studying business administration.” She’s babbling, giving me a long explanation and telling me they’re not together, I think.

The boss’s brother, not a boyfriend. I’m relieved, but the extent of the relief I feel is unexpected, and it makes me frown. This woman has really gotten under my skin.

“Mr. Clayton.” My tone is deliberately clipped.

“Mr. Grey.” His handshake is limp, like his hair. Asshole. “Wait up—not the Christian Grey? Of Grey Enterprises Holdings?”

Yeah, that’s me, you prick.

In a heartbeat I watch him morph from territorial to obsequious.

“Wow—is there anything I can get you?”

“Y/N has it covered, Mr. Clayton. She’s been very attentive.” Now fuck off.

“Cool,” he gushes, all white teeth and deferential. “Catch you later, Y/N/N.”

“Sure, Paul,” she says, and he ambles off to the back of the store. I watch him disappear.

“Anything else, Mr. Grey?”

“Just these items,” I mutter. Shit, I’m out of time, and I still don’t know if I’m going to see her again. I have to know whether there’s a hope in hell she might consider what I have in mind.

How can I ask her? Am I ready to take on a submissive who knows nothing? She’s going to need substantial training. Closing my eyes, I imagine the interesting possibilities this presents…getting there is going to be half the fun. Will she even be up for this? Or do I have it all wrong?

She walks back to the cashier’s counter and rings up my purchases, all the while keeping her eyes on the register.

Look at me, damn it! I want to see her face again and gauge what she’s thinking.

Finally she raises her head. “That will be forty-three dollars, please.”

Is that all?

“Would you like a bag?” she asks, as I pass her my AmEx.

“Please, Y/N.” Her name—a beautiful name for a beautiful girl—flows smoothly over my tongue.

She packs the items briskly. This is it. I have to go.

“You’ll call me if you want me to do the photo shoot?”

She nods as she hands back my charge card.

“Good. Until tomorrow, perhaps.” I can’t just leave.

I have to let her know I’m interested.

“Oh— and Y/N I’m glad Miss Clark couldn’t do the interview.” She looks surprised and flattered. This is good. I sling the bag over my shoulder and exit the store.

Yes, against my better judgment, I want her. Now I have to wait…fucking wait…again. Utilizing willpower that would make Elena proud, I keep my eyes ahead as I take my cell out of my pocket and climb into the rental car. I’m deliberately not looking back at her. I’m not. I’m not. My eyes flick to the rearview mirror, where I can see the shop door, but all I see is the quaint storefront. She’s not in the window, staring out at me.

It’s disappointing.

I press 1 on speed dial and Taylor answers before the phone has a chance to ring.

“Mr. Grey,” he says.

“Make reservations at The Heathman; I’m staying in Portland this weekend, and can you bring down the SUV, my computer, and the paperwork beneath it, and a change or two of clothes.”

“Yes, sir. And Charlie Tango?”

“Have Joe move her to PDX.”

“Will do, sir. I’ll be with you in about three and a half hours.”

I hang up and start the car. So I have a few hours in Portland while I wait to see if this girl is interested in me. What to do? Time for a hike, I think. Maybe I can walk this strange hunger out of my system.

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It's been five hours with no phone call from the delectable Miss Y/L/N. What the hell was thinking? I watch the street from the window of my suite at The Heathman. I loathe waiting. I always have.

The weather, now cloudy, held for my hike through Forest Park, but the walk has done nothing to cure my agitation. I’m annoyed at her for not phoning, but mostly I’m angry with myself.

I’m a fool for being here. What a waste of time it’s been chasing this woman. When have I ever chased a woman?

Grey, get a grip.

Sighing, I check my phone once again in the hope that I’ve just missed her call, but there’s nothing. At least Taylor has arrived and I have all my shit. I have Barney’s report on his department’s graphene tests to read and I can work in peace.

Peace? I haven’t known peace since Miss Y/L/N walked into my office.

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When I glance up, dusk has shrouded my suite in gray shadows. The prospect of a night alone again is depressing. While I contemplate what to do my phone vibrates against the polished wood of the desk and an unknown but vaguely familiar number with a Washington area code flashes on the screen.

Suddenly my heart is pumping as if I’ve run ten miles.

Is it her?

I answer.

“Er…Mr. Grey? It’s Y/N Y/L/N.”

My face erupts in a shit-eating grin.

Well, well. A breathy, nervous, soft-spoken Miss Y//L/N. My evening is looking up. “Miss Y/L/N. How nice to hear from you.” I hear her breath hitch and the sound travels directly tomy groin.

Great. I’m affecting her. Like she’s affecting me.

“Um—we’d like to go ahead with the photo shoot for the article. Tomorrow, if that’s okay. Where would be convenient for you, sir?”

In my room. Just you, me, and the cable ties.

“I’m staying at The Heathman in Portland. Shall we say nine thirty tomorrow morning?”

“Okay, we’ll see you there,” she gushes, unable to hide the relief and delight in her voice.

“I look forward to it, Miss Y/L/N” I hang up before she senses my excitement and how pleased I am. Leaning back in my chair, I gaze at the darkening skyline and run both my hands through my hair.

How the hell am I going to close this deal?

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[ series masterlist ]

DON'T BE AFRAID TO SPAM WITH LIKES AND COMMENTS. I WOULD ALSO APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD REBLOG THIS POST <3

#christian grey smut #christian grey #christian grey x reader #christian grey x you #christian grey x yn #smut #series #50 shades of gray #stalking #jamie dornan #christian grey fanfic

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certifiedlovergirlsstuff · 1 year ago

Text

final words

pairing: ethan landry x female!reader

WC: 4.7K

warnings: cursing, blood, stabbing, mentions of panic attacks and throwing up. the whole apartment chase/ladder scene in its self.

summary: never too late to say i love you

A/N: version 2 of role reversed with reader dying. if you read version1 you’ll see i just changed the story at the ladder scene.

@alecmores my editor bestie❤️

been in the drafts since april 29

masterlist / ethan landry

version 1

🎧 heathens death and void

everyone was to gather at the carpenter's sister’s apartment. after the killing of two blackmore students with sam’s license at the scene of the crime, you all knew ghost face was back whether you liked it or not. people were so obsessed with those sick fucking movies and now obsessed with sam carpenter and it was annoying as hell.

so after your classes for the day, you walked to the apartment with your boyfriend, ethan landry, after his econs class. then soon were joined by chad and mindy who said anika would be joining a bit later.

“what do you always say about the love interest?” you questioned the horror expert. she rolled her eyes at your words.

“never trust the love interest. i know, i know. but that also goes for tree boy beside you.” an accusatory finger was thrown at the six two boy. ethan’s brows furrowed in the middle, he looked a bit scared of her.

you couldn’t argue with her. you gazed up at ethan with a fake pitying look, “sorry tree boy, but i’m gonna have to hold off on kisses and sex until this is over. not trying to be a horror movie stereotype.”

you heard mindy make fake gagging noises and chad follow up with an immature ‘ewwww’. all ethan did in response to your comment was grab the hand on his side, intertwine your fingers and he pulled both of your hands into his jacket pocket even though the weather wasn’t cold. with the simple smirk pulling his lips you knew your words didn’t bother him and took the joke in stride.

“okay… not to sound like an asshole or anything but-“ mindy turned around to face the three of you since she was ahead of your group, “who do you think is the killer? think stab two. we had new characters introduced and nancy loomis. so either the killer is doing this because of the movies and is just a psycho or doing all this for revenge.”

“how about we not speculate about our friend group?” chad argued with his twin. mindy gave him a bored look before setting her hungry eyes on you and ethan.

you did a quick look at ethan just as he looked at you. both of your eyes looking over the other's face, probably determining if they could be the killer.

“i don’t think it’s anyone in our group. definitely a psycho who’s watched the stab franchise a bit too much.” ethan gave his answer. mindy cocked her head with squinted eyes, “okay.” she said quietly.

“knock it off.” a simple command due to her tone towards ethan. she held her hands up in surrender and turned on her heel.

the sounds of horns and people talking or yelling filled the air along with the loud jackhammering of construction. mindy was on her phone doing something while chad and ethan were discussing a show they were currently watching in their dorm.

you let your eyes wander to the pocket where your hands sat, you could feel ethan’s thumb rubbing the top of your hand to your knuckles. then you tilted your head back and peered at him with love-struck eyes. how his eyes were expressive and his brows were wiggling, his lips pulling into a blinding smile and his smile lines creasing. his free hand moving openly in the air to get a point across or how he would trail a finger along his jawline.

he could never be a killer. yeah, his height and body build would add him to the list since everyone mostly speculates the killer to usually be a man. but you knew ethan, longer than the woodsboro group had.

you knew how sweet and nervous ethan is. how he stutters over words when he feels flustered; especially when you first started dating. how he would go to the gym when he was stressed and needed to blow off steam. ethan who’s a cat guy and constantly talks to his mom and younger sister back home.

ethan landry isn’t ghost face and you would swear it on your life.

“y/n? hello… earth to y/n!”

you startle at the call of your name and from the hand waving in front of your face. you wack chad’s hand away with a scowl painting your face, he just laughs before walking through the front door of the apartment building. guess you completely zoned out on the walk. chad and mindy left the two of you behind, ethan staring down at you with a worried frown as you waited for the elevator to come back.

“everything okay?” his voice was hushed. you swiped away the pout on his lips with your thumb. your eyes watching his face as he does the same, his eyes gentle.

“you know i trust you very much, right?” your palm held his cheek. his brows twitched, “yeah. of course and i trust you with my heart.” he leaned into your touch.

“we just have to get through this shitty experience and things will slowly go back to normal. we can go on a date, any date you want and we can feel like teenagers again. and i’ll give you all the kisses and cuddles you want and give you the best se-“

ethan swooped down and stopped your rambling with his warm and plush lips. it was just a simple touch, but simplicity always worked in your relationship. ethan pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours. you pushed your face up to bump noses together.

“this will all work out. we just gotta stick together.” ethan whispered before leaning back. you kept quiet and nodded at his words.

the ding of the elevator broke the silence and ethan cocked his head and then pulled you behind him. you let the metal box go up its eight floors and then mindlessly walked the hall and into the open door.

the scene before you didn’t look like it belonged in a horror movie. sam walked with blankets and pillows in her arms before setting them on the free chair. chad and tara chat happily (and sickly staring into each other's eyes) as they hang out in the kitchen making dinner. and mindy who was setting the table and pulling faces and making gagging noises to her brother and friend. and then there were you and ethan, hand in hand as you walked through the door with easy smiles on your faces. enjoying the simplicity and comradery of the moment.

“where’s quinn?” ethan questioned as he dropped his backpack by the door.

sam cocked her head towards her roommates' closed door and left it at that. she had a guy over. you took a quick survey of everyone and noticed, “anika still busy?” mindy answered right away, “yeah. said her study group was running late. even sent a picture with the time and everything.”

you didn’t want to make any assumptions, but everyone was a suspect sadly. and if you had to be a bit guarded of certain people then that’s the price to pay. you just hummed at mindy and left it at that before moving back to your boyfriend’s side.

the two of you sat on the couch as the news played on low volume. your arm was looped through his and you leaned your head against his shoulder. his hand fell upon your thigh, his fingers moving back and forth, and he plopped his head down on yours.

you could hear the faint volume of their voices in the kitchen, their laughter and bickering over something. you wished you were closer to your friends, but you understood why you and ethan, along with anika were kinda black sheep. the four of them went through something tragic and moved away to leave it in the past and now it’s come back to haunt them.

with a shuffle of your head, you gave a quick peck to ethan’s clothed shoulder. something just compelled you to show him a once of your love. when you moved your face back to the tv a second later you felt ethan move and the warmth of his kiss to your temple.

everything was going to be okay

you allowed yourself to get swept away by the feeling of ethan and inhaled deeply to have his scent invade your nostrils, wanting to make sure you have him ingrained into your skin. you had that for five minutes until he moved and grabbed the remote off the coffee table.

“hey guys…” he called over his shoulder to your friends, “might want to hear this.” he pressed down on the volume button.

“with two blackmore students dead along with a horror professor, some believe ghostface has made himself a new home in new york.”

you felt your blood rush faster and run cold.

“many believe this could be the work of samantha carpenter. they held a stab shrine in their home and many know her to be the killer from the woods-“

and the feed cut out with the remote flying from sam’s hand. she had an angry scowl painted on her face and her shoulders were tense with her breathing coming out in pants.

“fucking reddit,” she grumbled before walking away.

tara waited for a second before following her sister. chad and mindy stayed with you and ethan wanting to give the two privacy during this rough patch.

“why are people believing that sam was the killer? is it just because of a couple of reddit and twitter threads?” you inquired.

mindy sighed and chad swiped a hand down his face, “pretty much. plus her family history…” chad trailed off. you didn’t know about her family history, but now probably wasn’t the time to ask those questions.

you saw chad and mindy walk away and join the sisters at the dining table, a broken family. you were happy they were there for each other, they could only really trust their group.

“y/n…” ethan squeezed your thigh, your eyes locking with his.

his puppy dog eyes sparkled and his grin shined, “i just… i just wanted to tell you…” he licked his lips before leaning towards your ear, words only meant for you to keep. “i just wanted to tell you that i love you.”

he pulled away from the side of your face and looked back into your widened orbs, your pupils surely dilated. your mouth was a bit agape, absorbing the three words and eight letters into your brain while also trying to deduce if you should say them back.

ethan saying them almost made it seem like he was already resigning himself to a terrible fate. and you badly wanted to echo the words with your whole heart but held back. this wasn’t going to be a final goodbye between lovers, it was going to be a promise from you.

so you broke your joke rule. your hands met the sides of ethan’s face, his chubby cheeks being given a firm squeeze by your palms. you used your hold to pull his head towards you, hands doing a slight tilt for a better, more intimate kiss.

his top lip caught between your top and bottom, teeth doing a slight clink together. his hands trailed to hold your waist and pull you as close as possible on the couch, which was appropriate with other people in the space. it was easy to slip into the automatic rhythm the both of you are used to when it comes to the other's lips.

you could tell it was starting to get a bit heated, from either you or ethan, you weren’t one hundred percent sure. with the hands still on his face you pushed him away, he tried to resist and jump back in, but you just giggled at his eagerness. so you gave one then two, then a final third peck to his lips before completely pulling away.

“i’ll say the words when all is good. i don’t want to fall into the horror movie trope of couples being happy then dying.”

“you’ve been hanging out with mindy too much.” you just rolled your eyes and soaked up his laugh. you wish you could bottle the sound for rainy days.

you heard a phone ringing and then voices, you turned to the dining area and saw tara holding a phone away from sam who was stretching for the device. the ringing stopped then another sound followed. everyone got quiet for a moment until-

a moan came from quinn’s room.

“ugh,” you stuck your tongue out. of course, quinn would be getting some right now. you heard a few sighs follow and then multiple dings. and after the dings, you heard chairs scraping and feet rushing. the four of them all faced quinn’s closed door that suddenly got quiet.

both you and ethan stood from the couch, ethan pushing you behind him with an arm stretched out. you gripped his shirt into your fist as you waited for the ball to drop.

instead of a ball dropping, it was quinn’s door being slammed open and her body being shoved into ethan. the impact caused the both of you to stumble. when her back hit the floor you saw all the blood covering her body and purple silk pajamas. a scream was ripped from your throat.

and there he stood in all his haunting glory. ghostface. he took slow steps, each thud sounding like thunder in the silent apartment. he held the bloodied knife up and wiped it clean just as he passed the threshold, and tilted his head. a challenge.

“run.” sam firmly said just as ghostface sprung forward.

everything happened in a flash.

chad, mindy, and tara darted straight for the front door. with their quick feet, they were able to avoid ghostface as he swung the knife and harshly stabbed you in the upper arm, the blinding pain hitting instantly.

“stay the fuck back!” ethan yelled. you had your eyes closed as you clutched the open wound, but you could hear shuffling. the grunts of ethan who you assumed was keeping the killer's attention on him now.

when your eyes opened you saw ghostface with just one hand wrapped tightly around ethan’s throat. ethan’s hand gripping the black fabric at the wrist to try and push him away or loosen the hold for some air.

“ethan!” you cried as you kicked your foot into their bicep or shoulder. anything to break him away from ethan. but all ghostface did was give a menacing tilt of his head while staring down ethan and with his free hand, stabbed the knife straight into your thigh. even pulling down and you could feel the muscle ripping apart.

a scream ripped from your throat which was then followed by a deeper cry of pain. with tears clumping your lashes and a quiver to your lips, you stared in horror as you watched ghostface’s knife cut upward in ethan’s abdomen. the gloved hand is still constricting ethan’s airway, ghost face leaning in closer, taunting him.

you pushed yourself off the floor with the help of the furniture behind you, leg wobbly and arm weak from the bleeding wound. you were planning to rush at him, hoping to knock him off ethan and allow enough time for an escape. but you didn’t need your plan when you saw sam rushing into the room with the wooden knife block before throwing it down onto his head. she did two hard hits that threw him off balance long enough for the both of you to grab ethan off the floor and run into quinn’s room.

ethan stumbled on his feet before flopping on the red-soaked bedding as he clutched his stomach, his shirt soaking dark crimson from the brutal attack. sam locked the door and you took a breath before it was snatched away as you looked at the crime scene you were standing in. blood was sprayed on the walls, and bedding was soaked and ripped. and when you walked into the bathroom, you almost threw up from the sight and heavy smell of copper. “oh god.” quinn’s hookup was gutted and limply stuffed in the tub with blood smearing the white tiles.

feeling overwhelmed and ready to pass out, you turn at just the right time as you spot ghostface walking through sam’s room and heading towards the open bathroom door. “fuck,” you muttered. on quick instinct, you rushed to the open door, thigh protesting at the motion. you tried closing the door fast, but ghostface was sprinting and he shoved his shoulder into the door making you falter. you limped away and slammed the final shut.

sam and ethan turned their heads as you leaned against the door. the force at which ghostface threw his body pushed you off, but sam came to the rescue and held the door with you. you looked around for something, anything to form a barricade.

“sam! dresser! hurry!” you gasped with each quick breath.

you assessed ethan’s physical state as you kept your back to the door. his body was curled in, arms crossed over his stomach. you could see a slight shake to his shoulder, his face hidden away by shadows and rouge hair.

“e-ethan! e-pretty boy!” the nickname that always made ethan flush tomato red was shouted with a choked sob. “just- just hold on! please! can- can you do that?”

he nodded his head then looked over his shoulder at you. his face was going sheet white and it looked clammy and sweaty. you could barely see the imprint of a hand wrapped around the smooth skin of his neck.

a loud banging noise stole you from your thoughts and your panic resumed. sam came just in time with the dresser. you moved from the door to give her a hand and just as it was all the way, a black arm shot through and gave another swipe to your arm. the two of you struggled against the strong force of ghostface trying to force his way into the room. giving more weight against the door caused his arm to slither away and finally the door closed.

“we need a way out,” sam stated. “no shit,” ethan sarcastically replied, still hunched.

“no offense-“ sam was cut off with a shove to the door, dresser legs screeching. “fuck fuck fuck,” you cried with your eyes closed as tears ran.

“ethan- ethan would just slow us down… we can’t go through the front door.” “i’m not fucking leaving him behind!” your anger and protectiveness spiked, “go sam, just go and get help.”

“no… you’r- you’re not-“ “ethan! i can’t- i’m not losing you!”

“no one is being left behind!” sam yelled, “we just need a different…” her words trailed off.

ghostface advances were getting rougher. each shove or kick sent to the door causes you and sam to slip on your feet. you even started to hear the knife going at the wood.

you looked to sam, her eyes straying towards the window. you saw their neighbor as he waved his arms to get your attention, his window already open.

“ethan- ethan can you- can you open the window?” sam asked. she knew you would need the added weight for the door.

ethan pushed himself from the foot of the bed and limped a few steps and weakly pushed the frame up. the neighbor's voice greeting your ears and then banging, but a metallic banging. he grabbed a ladder and pushed it your way, ethan wrapped a hand around a step and pulled it the rest of the way. it sat between the two windows above a high alley.

“sam!” the man yelled, “this might be the only way!” you could hear the wind picking up speed.

your head whipped to sam. her eyes darted everywhere, from you and ethan as he slumped to the floor beside the window, to the guy with his arms outstretched and then just around the room. another shove to the door. time was running out.

“sam…” you sounded like a scared child. her eyes softened at the weak tone in your voice, “we just gotta.” you needed to encourage her to go so then you and ethan can follow. “it’ll be okay,” a crack.

she licked her lips, she hesitated then walked to the ladder. you made sure all your weight was pushed to the dresser and your feet were firmly planted on the glossy hardwood. she looked back at you and you nodded with a fake grin.

everything was going to be okay

sam climbed the sill and slowly crawled out. ghostface was getting more impatient, more aggressive. you could hear faint grunts and huffs. you prayed to whatever higher being was out there, wishing for everyone to be safe.

“swe- sweetheart…” ethan’s voice was strained. you whimpered when you saw how his eyes were fluttering with each blink. “we could- we could go to coney island… get- get ice cream… lay on the- on the beach.” his eyes closed for too long and you yelled his name. his lids peeled open. “and- and you could re- read me a book. always- always love your voice.” a grin pulled his lips. his cheeks held no color.

“sounds like a date.” you confirmed with mascara tear tracks.

you looked out the window and saw the man grab sam and pull her into his arms. you knew ethan needed to go next, you weren’t sure how much longer he could hold out.

“ethan you need to go next.” he instantly shook his head and you weren’t having this argument right now. “ethan you’re seriously injured. you need to-“ “go. please.” he was begging you. but you were stubborn.

“ethan, i can hold the door closed. you are severely injured and losing blood. so get your ass on that ladder right now!” his mom and sister need him alive.

your point was added when there was a harsh push to the door, but you and the dresser kept it shut. so you watched as ethan pulled himself from the floor, his body shaking from adrenaline and blood loss. his hands held the ladder ends but then he looked at you, body fully turned. you could see the wound seeping more blood into his shirt and how ethan looked ready to throw up.

“ethan, don’t make me tell you again. go!” you needed him safe on the other side to breathe properly.

he looked like he wanted to be at your side, to hold or touch you. you could see the restraint in his eyes. you understood. how badly you wish you could run into his arms and think of this as a nightmare, nothing of actual injury. but you were stuck in reality and your reality was a horror movie, so every decision counts.

“i love you, so much.” the second time today he said the words. his voice choked off at the end. it caused another burst of love to spike. you wanted to say it back, so badly, but you still held off.

everything was going to be okay

so you went with the next best thing, “i know.” and sent him a watery smile as you jerked your chin forward.

ethan slowly climbed the ladder. you saw how the wind whipped his jacket and his curls, you only hoped he had a tight grip on the metal. sam and her neighbor waited on the other end with their arms out, ready to pull him in when he was within reach. with each move taking him further away from you, you could breathe easier, just you and psycho now.

speaking of psycho. he keeps throwing himself into the door or switching tactics and would ram his booted foot against the wood. you were starting to wonder if the mask or some shit gives the killer super strength, cause, how hasn’t he gotten tired yet?

the stab wound in your thigh would pull and a fresh wave of blood would spill over and stain your pants. quinn’s blood on the floor made it difficult to keep a firm foothold as you leaned your upper body back and allowed the handles to dig into your shoulder blades.

you looked out the window and saw ethan being pulled inside. he was safe. you closed your eyes and looked to the ceiling and gave a whispered thank you to whatever higher being heard you. now it was your turn.

giving yourself a steady intake of air then letting it exhale, you move. you weren’t sure how long the door would hold before it caved in from the excessive crashing. you just needed it to last long enough for you to crawl across a shaky ladder eight stories high, that's all, no biggie. but hearing the screech of the dresser legs moving pushed you forth.

you didn’t want to look down, heights fucking terrified you. so you made sure your eyes only dropped to the ladder to make sure you were holding something and placing your knees in the right area. you had to go slow and stop a few times, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, while also hoping you don’t throw up from the panic growing. you let your eyes wander to the open window waiting for you. sam with her head leaning into the wind with mystery man just behind her shoulder.

you weren’t very far on the ladder, your body and mind causing delays. you looked with watery eyes to sam and saw ethan leaning on the other side of her. his eyes pointed steadily on you with a weak smile, before they moved and it slipped and pulled into a frown.

“what?” a shake to the word. you paid attention to how the three of them looked behind you and were all very still.

“y/n…” sam trailed off. you managed a glance over your shoulder and immediately looked away.

ghost face stood in the window frame. just watching, enjoying the scene and causing your heart to jackhammer. you were barely at the halfway point when he was behind the door, you weren’t sure if you'd make it in time. but you pushed yourself forward.

your body wished to collapse from the dull pain in your arm and thigh, along with all the adrenaline. your fingers wrapped tightly around the metal frame as you shuffled along, making slow progress to safety.

“almost- almost there, sweetheart.” you heard ethan say to the blowing breeze.

you were getting closer but stopped when you felt it. the ladder bounced up and down so quickly that you almost slipped if you didn’t fix your hold. your eyes squeezed shut so hard you were seeing spots, and little whimpers fell from your mouth. you might actually die tonight.

the jumping stopped and you were ready to move an inch, but then the twisting came. harsh twist to the right and harsh twist to the left. you didn’t dare let go even with your grasp slowly failing.

“y/n! come on! you- you just gotta move!” sam’s voice shouted towards you. you just shook your head as you cried.

“i- i can’t! i- i’m sorry!” you wish you could curl into a ball right now.

“sweetheart! your- your so close! just… reach for sam’s hand!” ethan was pleading with you as he did earlier. you didn’t want him to see you die.

“e-ethan… i’m- i’m sorry.” you could feel your grasp failing with each twist and tug. “it’s okay… just reach for sam. you can do it.” ethan tried to reassure you that freedom was at your fingertips. with your last bit of energy, you looked up at ethan, making sure he could see your face clearly. you knew this was the end.

“ethan landry,” a jerk upward, “i love you!” and a snap to the right.

and then you were free-falling. gravity was pulling you downward with nothing to slow your descent. the dreams where you feel yourself falling are nothing compared to the real thing. your friends and their faces flashed behind your eyes.

you closed your eyes and just braced for the impact as you just envision ethan. he was always able to keep you calm in times of distress. it could be from his voice that would soften as he whispered in your ear and combed your hair as you lay on his chest. or it could be the twinkle in his eyes that never managed to dim or his charming smile. or it could all be just because he’s ethan.

you’re glad you were able to love him.

...

tags: @astrxq

#Ethan Landry #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry blurb #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry angst #ethan landry fluff #ethan landry x fem!reader #ethan landry scream 6 #Scream VI #Scream 6 #scream 6 imagine #scream 6 x reader #jack champion scream 6 #Jack Champion #jack champion x reader #jack champion imagine

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happysparklingshadows · 2 years ago

Text

A Certain Hunger (1/?)

Chapter 1 ✿ Chapter 2

Summary: The people-pleasing Valedictorian, a part of too many clubs, becomes closer to her school's soccer team at the end of her senior year. (Y/n) was always seen as the fat mousy girl in school that was always too kind, and with a mother at home needing to be taken care of, didn't go out much and never had the time to do normal kid things like parties. Her pursuit of having some fun before graduation starts with a party fight. It ends with her in a crashing plane, surrounded only by the girls that seem to always worry about her.

Warnings: 90s setting with the views of the time, homophobia and internal homophobia, Alcohol/drug use at a party, Femme WLW! Reader, Plus sized! Reader, Body-shaming (I promise it will not be done often) and perspective of an overweight girl, Depiction of a terminal illness and death of a mother, General yellowjackets warnings, Possessive/Obsessive behaviors, Dark! Au (however, will be down the line when things get worse for the yellowjackets), All characters are 18 years of age, 18+ story. Um, also some teenage girls and peer-pressuring someone to go to a party if you wanna count that.

Pairing: Surviving! Yellowjackets x reader (slow burn)

Taglist: @star-girl69 @g1rlsriot @zhivaxo

Word count: 14.5k (Get a snack, drink, and settle in; you're in for a long night.)

Note: Hello! I have been such a massive fan of this show for almost two years, and I have been thinking about this concept for a long time. My idea was if someone was overweight before the crash, how would they be fair in this fight for survival, and what would happen if all the girls started falling for them over time. I have always had a guilty pleasure for Dark! Au or yandereish stories. I was inspired by @oh-so-vulgar’s "No Return" story. I can't recommend more for people to read! Hopefully, this will be a long fic, and I will be writing this as well as an Ellie Williams x reader story. I hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment and give me your thoughts! If you are interested, I added some visual ideas for the story and the looks for some outfits at the end!

Sometimes, things have been seen and heard without being lived. Most of the time, people think or talk about different ways they would be in a crisis. Ideas of surviving are separate from surviving.

You know that. You were one of the unlucky few to really understand what it meant to survive at all costs.

Things that should have been hidden behind the trees, in the valley of mountains, with voices silenced long before man's first breath came to them to set it free.

Surviving was the easy part for you; the living was the hard part.

Blood to be split, fat to be rendered, and meat to be cut. The smell of metal and tears were familiar and comforting to you. Sometimes, walking down the aisle of the butcher, trying not to see the meat on display, the smell crept into your nose, and you felt at home.

A home made up of girls and the wilderness's protection, with care and tenderness for them but bitterness and fear when near them. It was your home for so long, pings of the tragic circumstances consume and convets like witches dancing around a fire.

You remember what happened to you. You remember how you ended up in the Canadian forest and stayed prisoner on those grounds for 19 months… 19 months without a choice. The only option was survival. To adopt and accept, even fawn, the wild.

The memories plague the team, and you know that. You know that they still remember and know you as you approach your 43rd birthday. They think about you. And sometimes, you see them around Wiskayok and always find them watching you first. Sometimes you see them as they are, adult women with their own lives, or as teens before the darkness set in for all of you. But sometimes, when you catch their eyes, their darkness stares right back into yours…

And you feel at home.

April 1996

The Yellowjackets passed the ball to defense by the teams’ midfield attacker, Allie Jacobs #11, before it was sent to the central midfielder, getting caught by the opposing team. Taissa Turner #8 then passed and kicked the ball…

Your hands write quickly on the pocket notebook on your lap in the crowd of screaming parents and students. Feverishly trying to remember the series of events, trying to remember if Allie dodged 2 or 3 players and if she passed the ball to Taissa before coming to center field of in the defenses field.

"WHOO!! GO, YELLOWJACKETS!" Your eyes pop up when everyone screams louder, only to find that you missed the last goal from your writing, seeing the team hugging and happily cheering, "We're going to nationals!"

"Holy shit!" You whisper to yourself as you stand up, clap frantically, and yell your celebrations for your friends. They are going to Nationals!

A smile crept on your face as you looked at the team; you quickly grabbed the camera next to you and snapped photos of the team celebrating, feeling excitement for them and happiness. As the camera flash wears out, solidifying the moment of pride and unknown tragedy about to fall upon the team, you quickly leave the bleachers and go into the shower room to do the well-loved routine post-game interviews with the girls.

"Fuck yeah, you guys!" You yell into the locker room as the door slams behind you, walking into the room with the heavy camera hanging from your neck and notes tightly held in your hand. The girls turn from their laughter and celebration together to beam at me. "You guys fucking did it!"

Van laughed loudly as her arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to the group. Lottie and Taissa were talking and stopped, letting you join it. Shauna and Jackie whisper at the end of the lockers, but Shauna waves at you, and you send her one back with a grin. It’s a little odd not being in their huddle and whispering with them, but things changed a lot in the last few years.

"How did we do?" Tai immediately asked you, her smile evident as she opened her locker. Lottie scoffed and rolled her eyes at Taissa. Van's arm was still resting on the curve of your back; her arm seemed to tighten around you for a second before letting go.

"We fucking did amazing; that is how we did, Tai!" Lottie said as she looked at you, her green eyes scanning yours face quickly before looking into your eyes. You felt a pressure around Lottie, like she had seen right through you and knew all of your dirty secrets; you looked at your shoes before looking back.

"I completely missed the ending. I was too distracted writing about Allie passing the ball to you." You say to Taissa, her eye shine when you two make eye contact, but a flinch in her lower lip shows her disappointment that you missed the game's ending.

"Oh, well, Allie lost the ball. I caught it, then I passed it to Jackie. I hit it too hard, so it went high. I thought I lost the game, but Jackie hit the ball with her head into the Goalie." Taissa explained as she grabbed her clothes in her hands; she looked at you as the other two did the same, waiting for you to tell them how they did.

You smile brightly and fake how impressed you are, playing it up for the girls, as you say with excitement. "Holy shit, I can't wait to write it! It was such a fucking epic game. I guess you guys are going to Seattle! I am so fucking excited for you guys!"

"Well, aren't you coming?" Lottie cut through. She looked at you with a furrowed brow of confusion. Her arms cross her chest as she looks to the ground, away from me. An annoyance in the air of her tone. "I thought you were coming to take the photos or whatever?"

You feel a wave of fear of disappointing them as you look at your hands; they nervously touch the black camera. "I-i don't know yet. Everything with my parents is so hard to do because they're so old, you know." You say, trying to keep it lighthearted.

"You never do anything fun!" Van complained as she moved away to her locker now; feeling her absence and lack of heat to your side made you feel even more like you were disappointing the girls. "All you do is work! You do homework, your pictures, and work at Handies. When do you have fun?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen you at any parties?" Jackie butts in as she and Shauna finally come to their lockers after conspiring in the corner. "Why? Do you not want to be seen with us?" She asks with a dry snort, reminding you of your place in the team's hierarchy. A welcomed outsider.

You quickly, nervously chuckle, and look at your shoes, not daring to look up. "No, it's not that, Jackie. You guys are my friends, and I would love to party with you all, but-"

"But what?" Taissa snipped shortly at me as she closed her locker. It seemed almost too aggressive for the matter at hand. Your eyes widened as she looked at you intensely like you were doing them all wrong for not hanging out with them more. You feel yourself folding under pressure. You think you are making your friends mad and can't help it. You wanted to have fun, and they should believe you, but you knew you were never to be seen outside of school and your job at the hardware store.

"It's my mom. You know, the cancer and everything has made it harder for me to get out, but she is doing better." You said as a tight smile came to your lips to try to stop yourself from speaking but failing. "We've-" You stopped yourself from saying the words that always brought tears to your eyes. Luckily, Lottie sees this and knows a little more than the others about everything, from her own prying and questioning, so she saves me by saying.

"It's okay. We understand that." She says with a kind voice, the tone she always used to reassure everyone, and looks each girl in the eye. Telling them to back off from you.

You need to fix the awkward tension, not yet realizing that you don't need to always make them happy. You feel the deep urge to be accepted by them. You wanted them to want to be friends with you more and keep being your friend as school ended, you already knew it was a fool's errand, but you couldn't stop the words coming out of your mouth.

"I think I will go to Randy's party next week. I don't work, and my dad is home; it's perfect!" You smiled at the other girls, hiding the reluctance.

It was not perfect. You planned on studying for your honors English test that night and rereading the novel for the exam in May. But you didn't want to let the team down again by not going out.

You come off nervous, and you know that. You know they see the weakness in your words, but they smile all the same understanding they got you to finally say yes. Their eyes soften, and they start to smile again at me.

"What are you wearing? You need to find yourself a boyfriend." Jackie asked as she looked over to Shauna, who was quietly standing in the group without talking, Shauna's warm brown eyes already looking at you as if she hadn’t moved her eyes in a while. You feel your face warm at the question, a shot of disgust and shame running through you at the thought of picking up a guy, but you smile shyly anyways.

"I don't really know yet. I don't go to parties-"

"How about we all help you get dressed up? You come to my house with your clothes, and we all can help (Y/n) dress for the party; how do we feel, Yellowjackets?" Jackie asks, cutting me off and looking at the other girls for confirmation. You feel your hands start to get sweaty at the thought of it. You are already insecure at the idea. In childhood, you were talking to the Yellowjackets. You couldn't say no.

"O-oh!" You say as you feel your body shield yourself, faking a smile smoothly to hide your fear. "Thank you, I would love that. Shauna, could you pick me up? My dad will not drive me to a party."

Shauna smiled sweetly at me, nodding, "Yeah, but you need to get your license."

You let out a soft chuckle again as you grab your backpack. You keep trying to flee before you say something else. You give your best smile to the girls and Shauna. "Thanks. I'm trying, but It's the only test I have failed!" You joke, walking out of the locker room. "I'll see you guys at practice Monday!"

You get a series of goodbyes from the senior girls and walk past the underclassmen with a wave and smile. Marissa and Krystal wave back at you. Allie doesn't notice you as she is talking in the ear of the quiet Junior Akilah. They seemed friendly but so young when you spoke to them, even if you were a few years older.

You look to your feet as you walk out of the locker room and into the dark hallway of the sports building towards the double doors on the other end; the spring light and sunsetting beams light into the hallway. You keep walking away from the loud muffled sounds of the team laughing in the locker room.

BANG!

You're head snaps behind you quickly at the loud sound of a broom falling to the ground; you look down the darkened hallway to find the short figure of a person. You knew who it was, and you felt a shiver go down your spine as brown eyes set on your form.

Misty Quigley stood behind a wall and accidentally pushed the broom resting on the wall down. The blonde stood with her hand clenching the wall with her chin resting on her hand; she was looking down the hall you were going down. She jumped back at the sound and nervously looked back at you. She looked like she was peeking down.

"Misty! Jesus, girl, you almost gave me a heart attack!" You proclaim down the hall to the blonde. You kept your voice as friendly as it could be. Your hand comes to your chest to hold your rapidly beating heart.

Misty readjusted her wide glasses on her nose with her hand, a little quirk you noticed over time, and she blinked her eyes rapidly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! I-I was just coming over to-"

"Misty, It's all good! Don't worry so much!" You said with a smile, deciding to leave this place as soon as possible. The air was tense in a way that you couldn't put down, not really believing Misty but not wanting her to know that. "I'm heading out. My dad is waiting for me in the truck. Sorry, I squealed." You joked to her as you started to walk back to the doors.

She was always kind to you; out of principle, you were kind back. It didn't matter that she would talk your ear off about the teams jerseys or different cat breeds. You always gave her an ear when you were near her, and the opportunity opened by you. It always felt awkward around Misty without saying hi and being kind. You knew how people saw her and understood why they sometimes acted the way they did with her. You felt the weight of her unsettling gaze and overbearing nature when she never took your nos to her requests of hanging out without trying to pressure you into it. However, she didn't have the pull like the other girls did with you. You pitied her and felt the need to be nice to her because of how mean people have been to her unjustified. Even when it was hard to ignore her ways sometimes.

"O-oh, don't worry, you made a pretty squeal!" Misty recovered with a voice you could tell she put honey on, and you felt your skin itch at that. Why did she say it like that?

"See you Monday, Misty!" You say as you quickly open the doors to the building and rush out of there as soon as possible. Seeing your dad's car and you run over, knowing your shift at Handies, the hardware store, would start quickly.

You walk down the street with the lights guiding you home. You held your purse strap while holding your house keys in hand, not caring about the nighttime setting as you have walked home from work every night. You smoke the short cigarette before coming to the house, knowing your mother can't smell anymore, as you throw the butt to the ground. Stepping on it in your stride. You quickly come to your house, open your door, and walk inside.

Across the street, the shallow pants of a girl rustle behind the pine tree from the house right across the way. Fingers grip the tree with the knuckles turning white with pressure; intense, sharp eyes look at you. A small happy giggle emerges as your body vanishes into the suburban home. You still do not notice them after they follow you through the town and park, trailing behind and changing paths to see you get home safely. "Goodnight, (Y/n), goodnight." the voice says under their breath as she saunters from the tree back to their home. Like they did every night you worked.

The warm light of your childhood home surrounds you as you close the door behind you. You take off your shoes and coat, saying, "I'm home!"

"Good, Good. (Y/n), I've missed you today." Your mother says from the living room. You walk in and see the tv playing the new episode of Frasier, the colorful glow from the tv light consumed the living room with life. "Turns out Frasier has a lot of stations around America, and he is making the radio show national. It's ridiculous." She said with a dry chuckle at the end, her voice rasping as she looked at you. You push the hair behind your ear as you walk closer to her.

Your mother and father were in their 40s when they had you. They were convinced they would never have children, but you came as a welcomed and loved surprise to the couple. Although they weren't young to play with or chase after you, they always found ways to connect with you. Your mother was a hippie at Woodstock, always claiming she met Janis Joplin backstage, and wanted you to feel loved by her. However, like most mothers, she did have her moments of bitterness. Your father is not so much a hippie. He was a challenging and rigid man who took you out to national parks and fished with you in the summer on the ocean with the small boat he saved up for. Your father was more a man set in his ways; in how his father raised him, he was more distant and worked a lot. Although it was clear that they both loved you, it doesn't stop the fact that they hurt you intentionally or unintentionally, and you feel distant from them. It wasn't fair, and it eats at you. Your parents were good people, but life isn't fair.

In your junior year of high school, your mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer, and it felt like your world flipped upside down. Your father wasn't home much anymore, scared to see his wife slowly disappearing from the therapies and medicine, working every night out of "Bills need to be paid, (Y/n), what do you want from me?". You sat in the living room as your mother whispered to your father at the table, them talking about how they would tell you, not knowing you silenced the tv to hear them. As you silently cry, your heart is torn, ripping in the middle with small muscles connecting the two.

Your mother was given 8 months to live. You didn't choose to become your mother's caretaker, but you didn't feel like there was any other way to be anymore. You couldn't let your mother feel alone as she died. You knew that she must be more scared than you were. So, there you were for her as you did your homework and ran back home to make sure she took her medicine before going in for a closing shift. You didn't want her to be alone in her last few months. It felt wrong. You blamed yourself somehow. Angry and bitter at the world, you decided to hide behind a mask of being strong. You knew your parents were old, constantly reminded of the fact with their groans and cracks, and you knew it was more than average for women in their 60s with infertility issues to get cancer. You helped your mother move, dress, eat, and sleep. Nothing you could do to shake her in your mind. You comforted your mother as her hair fell out and when she said she was now ugly, you gave her a straw with her drinks even when her throat was strong enough to sip, and you never forgot to tell her you love her with every goodbye. Times of medicine burned in your mind, and the fear of her being in pain pushed you through the months. Believing she would die any day as she lost all her weight, color, and life. She lay on the hospital bed in the living room with her hands weakly lying on the pillows you placed under them. Her breaths never seemed to calm as they raddled when she slept.

As of tonight, it has been a year and three months since her diagnosis, and your mother's face has gained more color every day in the last few months. We knew she wouldn't live long, but at least it was longer.

You sat down in your father's recliner next to the hospital bed she lay in, her bed table over her fragile body with an embroidery circle in her hand. A smile comes over your face as you grab the pill organizer, pull out her nighttime pills, handing them to her as your eyes keep looking back to the tv. "I'd rather watch Friends."

"Well, that is because you are young. You don't understand the comedy yet." She said with a smirk, shaking her bold head to you. She puts the pills on the small table, her thin fingers working a red string through the white fabric. She looks down at her work with her reading glasses at the bottom of her nose, "I'm making a robin."

I look over her shoulder at the half-finished red bird. You smile. You subtly grab her glass of water on the coffee table and put the metal straw inside, handing it to her.

Your mother sighs as she puts the 9 pills in her mouth and the glass from you, sipping on the straw dramatically. She opens her mouth to you in an annoyed act. "Happy?"

"Very. How was your night?" You asked her as you got up and walked down the hallway to the kitchen, your dinner on the island.

"Alright, your father is working late. I made some fish tonight." She says loudly back to you. You already walking back to the living room. You sit back down on the recliner and set the dinner on your lap. "How was school?"

"It was good. The Yellowjackets won the game, and John was nice to me tonight, which is weird, but happy he was anyways." You say as you start cutting into your meal with your fork, eating politely in the chair.

"That's good that he was nice for once. I don't like that guy."

"You just don't like him because he yelled at me like one time."

"That's enough to not like someone." Your mother bluntly said with a chuckle. You chuckle back as both of your attention come back to the tv.

The following week of school, work, and clubs blended the days together. You came to school on Thursday, the night of the rush party at Randy's parents' summer house, and it was all you could think about. You dreaded it slowly because of the unfamiliar setting of a party, but you decided to have fun. "Just have fun, (Y/n)!" you repeatedly tell yourself when you want to cancel.

You were walking into the school's center, crossing to get your camera to go to practice. You were surprised to see the seniors together, you smile as you walk into the conversation, but it drops as soon as you come to the circle.

"This is what we've worked for all season." Taissa hissed, defensiveness and ambition speaking through her at Lottie and Natalie. "You really wanna take that chance?"

"Yeah," Natalie responded curtly. "'cause I'm not a fucking asshole."

"Why are you guys talking about?" Shauna asked. I look over at her, and she looks over at me; she asks me with my eyes as she walks into this conversation. I shrugged at her in our small exchange of information.

There was a pause and moment of silence that fell upon the group. No one is willing to answer the question.

Finally, Lottie spoke, her hand behind her neck. "Allie." She says awkwardly as she seems unsure what to say after confessing. Shauna looked over to her as I looked at Tai, who refused to look me in the eye.

"What about her?" Shauna asks.

"Did you black out at states?" Tai scoffs. "She totally choked-"

"She's a freshman, Tai," Natalie cuts in.

"She's a liability," Tai snapped. Her eyes scan all of you, trying to find support for her decision. "She can't screw up if she doesn't get the ball."

"You wanna freeze her out?" Shauna asks.

"At least we'd know what we're working with," Tai says.

"She kind of sucks, but…." Lottie trails off with her eyes looking over to Allie across the way, unaware of the plans for her. "I don't know."

"That's because it's bullshit," Natalie says, her voice filled with disbelief, her hands raised up.

"Oh, yeah? What's your plan, then?" Tai asks in mock interest.

Natalie drops her hands. "I don't know. Play like a fucking team and win?"

Now, both are entirely silent as they stare the other down. You feel your hands grow clammy as you think the confrontation getting to you, you hated being in the middle of these things, but you handled yourself raising a voice.

"It's worked so far."

"Everything works until it doesn't."

She looks Natalie up and down.

"And for the record, you smell… like a wino. Get your shit together."

You feel yourself grow a face of disgust for Taissa when she says that to Natalie. To you, it seemed utterly disrespectful.

"You know what? Fuck this."

"Wow. Okay," Tai says. You turn your body to Tai as you finally look her in the eye.

"That was completely uncalled for, Tai." You say with your tone coming out for meek than you were hoping. "Natalie has a right to not agree with you, and you just offend her when she doesn't back down. Seriously uncool, dude."

Taissa's eyes look hurt from your words like she had been yelled at. It's clear that your comments got her, but Lottie says to us before following after Natalie, "Doesn't feel right."

"Jackie's not gonna like it," Shauna says.

"Then we probably shouldn't tell her," Tai responded quickly as her eyes were fixed on you, scanning and watching every micro-expression on your face. You look to your feet; you didn't like the energy of all this, and Tai excluding Jackie, gave you a bad taste in your mouth.

Tai walks off suddenly, leaving you and Shauna to turn and look at each other after walking into that chaos.

As the two walked away, Shauna smiled as she walked with you to the yearbook room. She was asking once again if her college entrance letter was okay. You almost completely forget about the discussion about Allie when Shauna nervously questions if she sounded smart enough in her paper.

"Shauna, your paper was amazing. It was heartfelt but formal and mature. We went over that thing three times; we even got that movie from Blockbuster that the tutors have. You. Are. Fine." You stated with a playful tone, slightly annoyed at her nervousness but just playing it off like always.

"I know, but it is Brown!"

"Shauna, you are second to Valedictorian and got a 34 on the ACTs! You will get in. Trust the universe on this one." You reassure and smile. Putting the camera around your neck, you lock the door behind you.

"Okay, okay, I'll try."

"Good. You will get in, and if you don't, you will go to Ken State with Jackie." You say and put an arm around her shoulder as you walk to the field.

You only remember a little from that last practice day. You sat down on the benches like you always do, said hello to Misty and the Coach, and started to write a few words into your notebook for your graduation speech.

You have had difficulty putting down the words about how you felt about leaving high school. Like, what would happen to you? To your friends? It scared you, but you didn't know how to say that, and you didn't have enough nerve, to be honest with how you wanted to stay there longer somehow. Not high school, but the comfortable and carefree life that you had in high school.

You bit your lip as you tried to focus, but soon a blood-curdling scream came to the field. You look up and see Misty sprinting across the area to Allie on the ground, holding her leg. She wails loudly as she cradles the bleeding wound on her leg. You look closer and see a sharp broken bone poking out of her skin, blood sliding down the curve of her leg, landing on the grass.

Your hand comes to your mouth, and you feel yourself feel disguised. Disguised by the blood, wounded cries, and disgusted by Taissa. You know deep down that she would never intentionally hurt the freshmen girl, but she had bad intentions. You just didn't think she would go this far.

You grab your things quickly from around you as you look away from the girl. Away from the yellowjackets swarmed around Allie. You felt sick as you run away from the field and from the responsibility of this accident.

"Peanut, can you come in here?" You hear your mother call from her hospital bed in the living room. You come down the stairs with a bag full of clothes for Jackie to dress you later.

"Yes? What's up, Mom?" You say softly as you come down the stairs. You come to the living room doorway.

Your mom sat in the hospital bed with the tv turned off, her reading glasses perched low on her skinny nose. She had a paper and pen on the bedtable and a couple bills. Your eyes widen at the amount you see. It's the price of groceries. "Come in here with me for a moment. I have been meaning to talk to you."

You quiet and move to sit in the chair next to her. You felt nervous as you sat down. You didn't know why you would be in trouble, and you hadn't done anything in so long that you did understand why she would sit you down. You couldn't stop the nerves with your eyes.

Your mom chuckles as she takes her glasses off. She then looks at her hands with a long pause. "(Y/N), I have taken a lot from you. I am really sorry."

"You don't have to-"

"No, I am sorry. Truly am because this is supposed to be the time of your life, and you have been caring for me. And I can't thank you enough, baby, for caring for me." Your mother choked up in the moment of genuine reflection. She cupped her mouth as she tried to hide the quivers and how her cheek grew hot from her emotions. "I wanted to say that I signed the slip for you to go to Seattle with the bumblebees or whatever. Your dad gave me $65 to give you. I want you to get yourself-

"Mom, I can't. Who is going to take care of you?" You interrupt her, and you feel yourself get emotional. You shouldn't go, the money should be used for bills, and you should be home with your mom.

"No, you are going. I want you to have fun. You have been taking care of me nonstop since the beginning. Okay, let me take care of you, just this last time." She reassured. She pushed a baby hair off your forehead, tears in both eyes, "You have worked so hard and have been such a grown-up. I don't like it. I just want you to do something fun for once. If I was 18, I would have begged my mom to let me go to Seattle with all my little friends. It's all settled. All you have to do is give this to that coach and pack a bag."

She slides the folded paper and the money on top. She smiles as she wipes a tear that rolls down her thin cheek. "Peanut, I really want you to go on this field trip. Please, let me do this for you. Dad will take care of me. We already figured it out. It's only 4 days. Just do it for me." Your mom says again, trying to pressure you into accepting her words and killing your worries.

You nod your head with tears in your eyes. You were so happy to be given a break and to be allowed to spend so much on yourself. You feel so excited and light, but there is dread building in your stomach.

"Okay. I will. I really wanted to go."

"I know. It will be so much fun, but please stay away from those spring break guys, okay. All they are is body oil and semen." She said as she pushed another hair behind your ear this time. She doesn't know you wouldn't be talking to any man. She didn't know that her daughter wasn't right.

You chuckle and wipe a tear. You push her hand away and stand up. "Okay, I will stay clear of spring breakers." You say you feel your pager buzz in your pocket. You pull it out to see your pager flash dully with "Shauna Shipmen, 473-299-0876."

"Shit, my ride is over. I am sleeping over at Shauna's tonight-"

"Baby, have a good time at the party." Your mom said as she turned the Tv back on with the remote. She looks at you with a mischievous glance. "You think I never had a change of clothes before a party? Honey, you don't have to sleep over anywhere. Just come home when you are done. You should better get out of here before your father comes back. He will smell you out within a minute."

You laugh nervously at her. You rush to get your shoes on before she doesn't act so cool; you tie your boots quickly as you leave the house to Shauna's car. "I love you; see you later, Mom."

"See you later, Peanut."

You nervously hold the red solo cup as you hover around Van at the rush party. You couldn't hear much over the noise and music; you didn't mind as you let yourself melt into the party. You danced slightly with the girls as you sipped on the beer in the cup. You were trying to be fun.

You came to this party with Shauna and Jackie because Jackie’s constantly insisted that she needed to help you dress, and you had to admit you looked lovely. You were planning on wearing just some jeans and a top, but Jackie made you wear a thin turtle neck with a pink dress, flowers faded in the design, with tights and boots. You let Shauna do you're makeup because Jackie got to dress you. Shauna's big brown eyes stared at your face, softly brushing powders and rubbing eyeliner. You felt her breath hit your lips as she focused on your mascara, her eyes noticed your stare, and it made her pause. Jackie quickly broke the forming heating with our eyes from her, pulling out an ugly cat sweater you had hidden in your wardrobe. You hid your shaking breath by laughing and saying your dad found it for you. You only wear it to bed. "I would look like misty or something?" You joked and immediately felt bad as you all laughed, you felt terrible for bringing Misty up to laugh about her, but you wanted to hide.

When you got to the party, Jackie and Shauna left you to go into their worlds with Jeff's friends. You wandered around until You found Lottie and Van. You came to hover around your friends. They smiled at you and handed you a new solo cup of beer. You sip on it and smile at them. Lottie and Van giggle and look over at you, Van pulling you into their space with a firm hand on my shoulder.

"We're going to go to the woods, come!" Van says to you in your ear, her nose slightly nudging your skin from the closeness. You feel nervous in your stomach as your hands clam up around the plastic cup, and your face gets hot from her breath, hitting your neck softly. You follow Van with a nervous giggle, unaware of how the girls are feeling and looking at you. Lottie follows behind you, her eyes locked at the back of your head as she studies how you styled your hair. She wondered if she got closer to what the strands felt under her fingers and what it would smell like. Soap, sweat, or was it just you and your own scent.

Van stops you, and Lottie comes to your left with a huge smirk. Van pulls a joint out of her pocket as she presents it to you. Your eyes widen with a beam. "Oh?"

"Oh indeed!" Van said back with a smile; she put it in her mouth as she looked over to Lottie for a lighter. Lottie shook her head as she looked at you.

As soon as the papery filter lands on your lips, you see the figure come behind Van with an arm wrapping around her shoulder. You look up to see Taissa and feel your lips pursed without you doing anything. Taissa was so wrong for the whole Allie situation, and you felt conflicted.

"Not going to say Hi to me?" Tai asked mockingly, but you knew under it all she was insecure.

You pass the joint to Lottie as you blow the smoke. "Hi." You flatly say to Tai.

"Come on, not you too-" Tai scoffed as she stood more straight. Tai seemed insecure, and you could see how she was getting defensive.

"Tai, I am not judging you. I understand why you did it; you explained yourself well the other day. I know you didn't mean to hurt her like you did." You say as you feel the group has tension between them. Van and Lottie awkwardly look at each other to communicate their uncomfortable energy. Tai keeps her eyes trained on you as you speak your mind. "Tai, I, and We know that you would never hurt her intentionally to have her bone pop out. But it happened, and you planned to get her out of the Nationals. You need to apologize to her when we return from nationals."

"(Y/n), maybe we don't need to talk about this right now? Maybe we just party tonight and worry tomorrow?" Lottie cuts in, and you feel yourself get annoyed at that. You quiet down as the joint comes back to you.

"I said my mind." You said, sounding more confident than you were. You nervously look at Tai, who is quiet and looking to the ground. "Tai, We're friends, and I don't think I would be a good one for letting you off the hook for that. I care too much to let that go. You might have destroyed Allie's ability to play ever again because you got too ambitious."

"I know. It was an accident." Tai said, still looking at the ground. You felt her shame in herself at that moment as her lip slightly quivered as she spoke.

You take a puff of the joint and hand it to Lottie. You then step into Taissa's space and hug her quickly. "Hey! I know that. I am just saying it was just bad vibes all around. I know it was an accident." You reassure, now feeling horrible for talking about it all together.

Van takes a deep puff of the weed and makes a face as she tries to keep the smoke in her lungs. As she nods her head, you're eyes lock into her as Tai's arms wrap around your waist. Van's red eyebrow furrows briefly before Tai's hair blinds you. "Okay. I just feel like shit, you know."

"I know. I don't mean to make it worse." You say to Tai's ear. As you squeeze your friend, you know you will be the nicest to her when the others confront her. You let your eyes go to Lottie, who knew about all this; you knew that Van was probably thinking I was being hard on Tai for no reason.

You take the joint passed to you as she smokes it; Tai sniffed, putting back the tough act as she touched her nose with a finger. You felt like you couldn't look away from her now. “(Y/n) (L/n) smokes weed?” Tai asked in a snarky tone.

"Yeah, and crack, but no one has presented it yet, so." You joke with a goofy smile coming to your face against your control. The weed coming over you as you start to giggle, Van and Lottie following suit. "Oh, my god!" You gasped as you looked at the other high girls.

"What?" Lottie asked with big eyes, paranoid. Van laughs again at Lottie's face, leaning onto Taissa's shoulder.

"You guys are doing drugs before nationals!" You laugh out loud.

"Oh shit!" Van says as if she just realized it as Lottie cackles.

You felt yourself space out a bit; you looked into the woods further as Taissa started to tell the girls off for getting distracted. You let the noise muffle as you stare into the darkness of the trees, not seeing beyond 20 feet ahead of you; although the sight was unsettling, it seemed to lull you as well. Grounded you. The memories of childhood with your parents in national parks and your dad forcing you to face the darkness were a comfort. One of your favorite memories was so simple; Two years before your mother had cancer, you all went out to the Rocky Mountain Trail on vacation, You and your dad were fishing, and your mother was sitting beside you both with her feet in the water, your dad was just spitting out the worse jokes and puns he could think of, and you both tried not to laugh. You all broke when your dad when silent and simply won by farting.

You feel your lips curl to smile at the memory of your family as Lottie's hand curls into your elbow; you turn to her.

"(Y/n), I want a cigarette. You want a cigarette?" Lottie says with an airy tone, her eyes wider than average. You knew she was very high as you giggled.

"You know what?" You said as you opened your purse, pulling out the pack.

"Holy shit, you smoke cigarettes, too? What else does our Doris Day do behind closed doors." Van jokes dryly. You couldn't help but smirk as you light your cigarette.

"You're a dick, you know what," you say as you hand the cigarette to Lottie; she says a soft thank you as you pull another to your lips. "What do you think I do while I write?"

"I don't know, maybe write?" Tai says as she drinks from her solo cup.

You roll your eyes, looking at Lottie, "What do you say we lose these losers?" You joke to her with a smile.

She smokes the cigarette as her eyes scan over your face quickly. Her eyes look to your lips and sharply look up as she says, "I thought you'd never ask."

"Hey, what the fuck!" Van asks, mocking offended as the two of you walk away from them. You and Lottie hold hands and laugh. You loved the playful way Lottie walked away with you like you were running away together. Your hands are linked together as you get closer to the music and back to the party's life.

You pursed your lips as you started dancing when you felt the music. "Fuck, I love this song!" You say to Lottie as you bring the cigarette to your lips.

Lottie puts the cigarette in her mouth as she takes your hands with hers to dance together, which you do without question. It felt like the music was dancing through you, and you weren't really dancing, not caring how your body moved or how other's see you. It was fucking liberating to dance with your friend in the spring breeze, weed in your lungs, and a cigarette in your mouth.

Van and Tai come out of the woods a moment later, smiling together and their hands touching, but quickly moving away as they come to where you were. You caught them, and they didn't notice; you're happy they did. You felt something close to bitterness when you thought about how much you wanted that. You have kissed a few girls, but not one wanted to be with you; they claimed they weren't "that type of girl. I am normal." they soon pushed you away to never see the girl that made them feel something more. You just became a memory for them, and you were replaceable. You were well kept a secret.

You wanted someone. But you also wanted to be accepted. You would never admit it, but you sometimes thought about maybe just finding some nice guy and giving it a try at being "normal." Kissing boys felt flat, sexless, and odd when you spun the bottle at parties, but in those dark corners where you were pressed against a wall by a woman, it felt like fire. It was warm and bright, making you see clearly and freely, but it burned. It burns like wax, something shocking and hot, something warm and sensual, but it soaks in and scolds after a while. So, in your junior year, you decided to stay single until college because you couldn't imagine the people in your hometown finding out you were gay. You felt a hot wave of dread when you thought about it, not that you were ashamed or accepting because you knew how everyone saw gay girls. You wouldn't be able to go into the locker room anymore with your friends, you wouldn't be able to go to sleepovers, and you wouldn't be able to touch even your friends.

You feel sober quickly at the moment of overthinking. You look around and realize you forgot your solo cup of beer, so you just say to Lottie, "I'm getting a drink."

"Okay!" Lottie said with a chuckle; she took a deep drink from her solo cup.

You stumble away as you feel a sadness come over you; insecure thoughts and memories of scorned love affairs go to you now. You come to the keg in the middle of the party, and you lean over the keg to the plastic cups.

A hand lands on your hip, rubbing the skin as it gently moves to your lower back. You look to see Taissa and feel your breath get stuck in your mouth. You look up at the tall girl with a softness; you know she would never really do something so cruel, like meaning to hurt Allie like that. At least, that is what you told yourself.

"I admire your resilience, Tai. It can't be easy, knowing fucking crippled someone today," Shauna says to Taissa when she walks to the keg. You snap your head to Shauna, hoping she didn't notice how your eyes looked at Taissa's face. Shauna did notice; it was the reason for her coming up to the two of you in the first place.

"Cool. Good talk." Tai says back to her, and she moves away with an arm around your shoulders.

"Just admit it. You did it on purpose!" Shauna yelled at Taissa, pointing her finger at Tai. You looked at Shauna with wide eyes as you felt Taissa's arm hold you tighter.

"Excuse me!"

"You heard me. "

"You're wasted," Tai says to Shauna with a judgmental narrowing of her eye.

"And you're a fucking sociopath!" Shauna hissed back; you pulled away from Taissa and looked at both girls.

"Woah!" Van cut in. "Calm down."

"Yeah, let's just take a breath, Shauna; why don't we-" you try to say and keep the peace but are interrupted.

"No! Listen, you guys, we don't have to worry about the Allie problem anymore because Taissa fixed it for us." Shauna mocked, her hands up in fake surrender as she narrowed her eyes at Taissa. The two were going to fight.

"What?" You heard Laura Lee say behind you. "What is she talking about?"

"She's talking about Taissa's little plan." Natalie chimed in from the back; you lock eyes with her as you look to her to explain why Shauna is aggressive toward Taissa. She doesn't know.

"Oh, please. Since when do you give a shit anyways? Don't you have a bong to hit or a dick to suck-"

"Holy shit, Tai, Why would you say that to her!" You yell at Tai as Shauna says at the same time, "Don't talk to her that way!"

"Oh, fuck off, Shauna, I don't need you to defend me; last time I checked, you were fine with the whole "freeze her out" strategy." Natalie spat back, she held a cup, and her eyes looked more dilated than more in flames.

"Okay, seriously, what are you talking about?" Laura Lee asked the group; you felt annoyed at her prying, but you didn't say anything before the others growled, "Shut the fuck up, Laura Lee!"

"No, no, no; stop it!" Van panics when she sees the tears in Laura's eyes. You move over to the sweet girl, and you wrap an arm around her, "Hey, they didn't mean it." You say to her tearful self as you hear the fight continue.

"Someone needs to take her wasted ass home!" Tai yells to Shauna.

"You wanna say that again bitch. Say that again." Shauna growled back; you moved away from Laura Lee and got into the middle of the two girls, now trying to claw at the other, with Van.

"That's it! That is enough!" Jackie runs in; she yells at all of us, starting to fight each other. We all pause. "Yellowjackets, with me!"

Shauna and Taissa were the first to rush to Jackie, and you felt yourself being left behind with a few others that didn't get into the fight.

You put a cigarette into your mouth quickly, and lighting it, you look at Natalie, who wore a similar face of frustration. You nudge your pack to her, and she takes one with a grin.

"Thank you, pretty lady," Natalie says as she follows Jackie like everyone else, you follow behind her.

"Anytime, sexy thing." You say to her with a smirk; you bump her with your hip as you get to Jackie first.

Jackie looked confused and annoyed as she looked at all of you together in the woods again. "I don't know what the fuck that was, but I do know that it is over. We're about to go to nationals. And based on what I'm looking at right now, we might as well not even bother getting on that plane. Alright. Everybody line up."

No one moves.

"No, I am fucking serious lineup. Here is what we are going to do. I want each and every one of you to say one nice, true thing about every girl on this team."

"What is this, the fucking Girl Scout camp?" Tai whispers, and you chuckle with Van. You felt a smile come to your high face as you stand up before Laura Lee.

"I will go first." You say happily.

"Go ahead, (Y/n), take the floor. Thank you" Jackie smiled as she moved for you to stand beside her.

You stand there and smile; you take a puff of your new cigarette as you take a stand in front of the group.

"Okay, Jackie Taylor, I admire your sense of style and how much you do as the team leader you are. Although I am not on the team, I can see you work so hard at it every day."

Jackie smiles with a blush; she didn't expect you to say anything to her. She nodded her head, and she said, "(Y/n) (L/n), you seriously are the nicest girl I have ever met before. I have never met someone with so much compassion for others; I admire that. Also, you look fucking great in that dress, doesn't (Y/n) look fucking amazing?" Jackie says to you and points out the outfit. You smirk as the others come to admire your dress and done-up hair; you spin for them to see with a laugh escaping your mouth. They whistle at you jokingly and little cheers about your cute outfit.

You smile and say thank you to Jackie before she can say more. You move to Shauna, and you smile widely at her. "Shauna Shipmen, you know I love you bitch. You are crazy in a fun way, and you make things so much better by being around."

"(Y/n) (L/n), you are wicked smart. I have never met someone who could get a 100 in trigonometry with Mrs. Goldmen!" She says to you, and you giggle at her words, shaking your head. You then move down the line of awaiting girls.

"Taissa Turner, you are so smart and very assertive. I wish I could be as confident as you when you know you are right; you would be an amazing lawyer."

"I admire your fairness and how you don't judge when you do disagree. You always do what is right even when it's annoying." Tai says to you and playfully pushes your shoulder; you smirk and shake your head at her. You laugh at her call you annoying when she is supposed to be kind to you, but you didn't expect Taissa to drop the tough girl act.

"Laura Lee, there is not a single person I know that is as Faithful and kind as you. I haven't ever really heard you say anything hateful or mean, which is hard to find. You are truly so fucking Christian, and I love that for you because you have never hated anyone for their differences."

"(Y/n), you have excellent writing skills and are the only part of the newspaper I read. Your photos are outstanding like they always bring my eyes to them.

"You only say that because you know I am the one that took them." You laugh at her as she does too. She shook her head and said, "No, they are excellent!"

You shake your head and move to Van; she is already doing that cheesy smile you always seem to gravitate towards. You smile back and come a little closer to Van; no one notices how you feel the heat of her body in that innocent way you stand to her.

"Vanessa Palmer, I wish I was as funny as you. Sometimes I don't think anything I say sounds funny, and every word out of your mouth is fucking funny. You are the one person I come to to get me smiling again when I am sad."

Van's cheesy face falls to a softer one that melts her heart. She nodded and said, "(Y/n), there is no other person I know that is funnier than you. Don't you remember when you told us about catching Scott Lulson jacking it with ketchup in the yearbook room? I snorted out my milk!" She remained as she laughed. You follow her before being pushed away by Jackie to talk to Van. You move to Natalie, she is already smirking at you, and you do the same.

Natalie was one of those friends you flirted with and touched sometimes; however, it was never pushed more than just the daring "drunk" kiss at Spin the Bottle once last year.

"Natalie Scatorccio, I love how authentic you are and how you don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks. You're a fucking badass, and you know it. Nobody can fuck with you." You say as you puff the end of the cigarette, throwing it to the floor and stepping on it. Natalie smirked at you with her eyes seemingly blown out.

"(Y/n)," Natalie whispered to you and stepped closer, "you know how beautiful you are to me."

"I do."

"You do?" She asked in a condescending reassuring voice; she was teasing me. I laugh and put my hand on her upper arm; I look at her face and say, "You are so wasted, Nat! How do I know what you're saying is true, huh?"

"You saying my love for you isn't pure?" Natalie laughed; she looked at your face with a raised eyebrow. But before you can speak, she cuts you off by saying, "Cuz it's not pure. Never been pure with you." she whispers at the end, with a bit to her lower lip.

You burst out laughing as you feel your face get hot. You push her for shoulder playfully, feel like she is flirting with you a little too well, and feel the energy coming off of you and her at that moment. You move away to Lottie when Taissa moves to talk to Natalie; you send her a kiss as you move away. You and Natalie laugh at each other I that moment.

"Lottie Matthews, you are so kind and understanding. I know you always have my back when I need to cry and have always been so supportive." You say to Lottie and lean on her shoulder, tired from the party. She sighs and looks down at you with a smile.

"(Y/n), You are really responsible. I think you work hard at everything and take so much responsibility for so much in your life. You kick ass." Lottie giggled at you as she hugged you back. She whispers into your ear, "You wanna ditch this place and go home after we're done with this Kumbaya bullshit? I'll give you a ride."

"I would suck your dick if you had one." You reply quickly to her in a whisper, and you both giggle intoxicatedly together.

You sat in the passager seat of your father's truck. Your father was a quiet, kind, funny man but never one to start a conversation, and his knuckles were worn from years of work.

You don't even try to notice how his veins pop from his skin or how his hands look his age more than his face, and you really try not to see how his hair has gotten more grey. But, you do notice the dreading annoyance of being in the car with him.

He wasn't there like he used to be. He wasn't this superhero you thought he was. He was just a man, an old man whose wife was dying slowly, and he didn't have enough money to stop working until he was 70. He didn't deserve that. But he didn't need to always be working and never be at the house anymore; he didn't need to not be there for you when your mother was dying. He wasn't as strong as you thought. And it crushed you a long time ago.

"You all packed?" He asked you as you entered the airport's parking lot.

"Yeah." You say quietly. You play with the buttons on your flannel. "Mom made me check a few times."

"You have an extra pack-"

"Of underwear, just in case." You finish his sentence, a well-known saying in your house for when you go camping. You always pack three pairs. One to wear, one as a spare, and another for reserve.

He chuckled as he got into the drop-off line and looked over to you with a stoic face, but you knew he was having a deep emotion come over him. "You going to Seattle?"

"Yes, I'm going to Seattle, Dad." You said to him, a little confused with him.

He was quiet as he looked back to the steering wheel of the '78 Chevy. He picked at his nails, his hands calloused and his nails rounded from years of anxiously biting them, "You got that Swiss with you?"

"Yes, Dad. I always have it in my pocket; why?"

"You just don't have anyone to protect you-"

"Dad, I have my friends; I will be fine. It's just for four days; I'll be okay."

"I just don't trust them to protect you." He said with his head shaking a little as he crawled the car closer to the entrance of the building. "I don't really like you not being home."

You roll your eyes to yourself softly as you look at the truck's floor. You look at your tied shoes deeply as you say to reassure, "Dad. I will be fine. Guys like the coaches and their kids are coming with us to protect us."

"There is a boy going with you?" He said with a raised eyebrow. Your father's fatal flaw was his fear of you becoming a teen mother. He was dead serious and mean about boys with you, trying to scare you away from them, and it just became more annoying to listen to. "I don't know it. I want you to go now that a boy is going too."

"Dad, I'm pretty sure he is in 7th grade. I would sigh and push a 7th grader away. Don't go there." You say softly, already grabbing the bags from the back. Your dad rolled his eyes at the slang and at the fact you were right. You were a big girl and weren't easily overpowered, but you were still a little girl to him.

He lets the car fall to silence again, and you don't stop him. You wanted to run out of the car with the ticket but waited to say goodbye. This is the first time you will be so far away from home and your parents. You were so excited and nervous to get on the plane.

As you come closer in the line to the section of the drop-off, your dad looks over at you. He is emotional, his face is blank, but his eyebrows are furrowed subtly, his eyes watery, and he clears his throat as he scans the airport entrance.

“(Y/n).”

“Yes, Dad?”

"Make good decisions." He says stiffly. He looks over at you, and his rough comforting hand comes to the side of your face to touch your face. You didn't know what to do but look at your father in the face. "Can you call us when you land? I'll pay for the payphone." He says to you softly.

"Yeah, of course, Dad." You smile at him and move away to get out of the car. Too excited to stay in that quiet car, seeing your friends coming into the building from a few cars out. Before you close the door, you stop and look at your dad again, him clearly not okay with you leaving; you say, "I love you. I will see you in a few days; take care of Mom for me."

"I love you too, peanut." He says before you close the door on him. You race over to Shauna, who is walking in; you pump into her from behind, making you two laugh. You didn’t think twice to look back to your dad as he drove away, you always regretted not looking back to your father.

You listen to music as you put your duffle, carry-on, and little box luggage into the overhead compartment. Your eyes are wide, and you scan the expensive first-class seating of the plane. You feel Van push you lightly to the seats to annoy you as she walks past you; you huff and go her back, which makes her laugh.

You laugh too. You feel giddy to be on the plane and see what it is like for rich people to live. You giggle when you make eye contact with Shauna and Jackie across the way; you jump into the window seat. You up it to see the men attaching a giant hose to the wing.

Van, Lottie, and Laura Lee come into the private plane with awe in their eyes. Van jokes and admires the expensive velvet seated chairs, and the three just giggle together as they come over to you.

“This is his form of parenting, I’ll take it.” Lottie sighed as she comes closer to you in your seat.

All three giggle and say, “Thank you, Mr. Matthews.” and giggle at in their own little world.

"Mind if I sit here?" Lottie requested to your with her big brown eyes looking down to you.

"Of course! Sit with me, girl!" You chimed to Lottie with a bright smile coming to your cheeks. You then ask as you look at her cute outfit. "Lottie, how the fuck did your parents afford this?"

"(Y/n), you need to stop cursing so much. A valedictorian shouldn't speak like that! What if you slip an f-bomb in your graduation speech?" Laura Lee cuts in from the seat in front of us; she puts her bags away just like Lottie as she scolds you.

"I won't f-bomb at graduation!" You tell her with a shake of your head, moving your jacket off the seat next to you for Lottie. You pat the pocket notebook in the breast pocket of your flannel, "I'm writing it, so I will make sure to give credit to the helpful editor Laura Lee for making sure I keep it clean!" You joke as you smile at her, snarky and sarcastic.

Laura Lee rolled her eyes with a smile, "Whatever, you better say something about us in your speech."

"Yeah, add "The fucking cool Yellowjackets went to nationals, and the guy's team didn't even make it to states; never give up on your dreams!"" Lottie added; she slouched into the chair next to you as she looked out the open window to see outside. Everyone is so happy and excited; you just giggle with the girls as you pull out the notebook and pull the table over your lap. You felt gratitude that the seat and table still fit and didn't rest on your body like other seats would have done to you.

You look over to Lottie, who is now talking with Laura Lee about strategy for Nationals, and you feel your hand move your headphones from your Walkman over your ears. You let the music distract you as the plane goes off, and your handwriting shakes when the plane enters the air.

"Sorry passengers, due to an unexpected storm over the Midwest, we’ll be making a detour north through Canada. You’ll catch the amazing view of the Canadian Alms." You hear the pilot speak over the intercom, and your lips pull to an excited grin.

Lottie laughs as she sees the face and asks, "What got you so smiley?"

"We're going to see the Canadian Rockies! I went to the smoky mountains a few summers back, and it was so beautiful. I will get you to see them!" You say as you touch Lottie's hand; you smile more and move away to get started on writing the speech. You didn't know how to make yourself confident or sound that way like you earned the title.

Lottie felt her breath hitch in her throat as she felt your soft hand touch her arm. She looks over your face quickly, looking over how your cheek curves to your smile and how your eyes seem to shine when you talk. She goes quiet as she looks over your face, lost to something; she is pulled away by Laura Lee, continuing her past thought about how she should strike the ball.

The ride became calm for you; everyone settled and got into their own little worlds, some read, and others talked to their partners next to them. You look over when you finish the first draft of your speech, seeing Lottie sleeping peacefully in the seat.

"Passengers, we are about to experience turbulence. Sit tight, and talk to a flight assistant for help.” The piolet voice cuts through the air like a red hot knife and it severed something inside of you.

Your ears perked at the intercom as you felt your stomach drop slightly. You felt the tumbling of the turbulence. You see the water on your table shake, and water splashes out; Lottie wakes up with a wide eye as she looks around everywhere; you hold onto the hand rests with white knuckles. You look out the window and see the peaking out.

In the silence, try to build some courage and lose the dread building in your stomach. Suddenly, as you stare at the peaks of the mountains and the green tops of trees, you notice them growing. There was no sound when the plane started to crash down; there you were, stuck calming, looking down to the sea of green, making the sudden realization that it wasn't just turbulence. You were crashing and fast.

"Oh my fucking god!" You panic to yourself as you see the lights in the plane flashing around you; you see the movement of the masks deploying around you from the corner of your teary eye. All your friends and the other people on the plane start to scream, scared and hopeless.

Down. Down. Down.

And you were going to die. You were going down, and you had no control over what happened. You just watched the peaks of the trees come closer to the belly of the plane, you couldn’t help but start to shake in your seat. The image of your family camping comes to your mind in rapid succession of the memories of your mother singing to you as a toddler and memories of your father teaching you how to cast a line into the water. You were never going home again. You would never see your parents, friends, neighbors, co-workers, or anybody in your life again.

You felt a hand cling to yours, and it was the thing that pulled you away from the scene of your own death. You snap to your side and see Lottie also panicking with tearful eyes; she is now screaming like the other girls. But her deep brown eyes locked into yours, her hand clawing onto the back of your hand. Begging for the company in the bleak frantic moments.

You're hand moves quickly to hold her back, lacing fingers together; you stare back with your lip quivering. You were so scared you couldn't open your mouth; you couldn't say anything. You move to put your mask on quickly, but your eyes don't break from those beautiful brown eyes. A sense of calm comes over you amid the nightmare, and you know that you are going to die, but you will die around the people you did love and know who loved you.

You felt lightheaded as you two stared at each other, something deeper being told to each other with your eyes. And in your soul, you felt what she said with her as yours said to hers in that moribund realization as the plane drops your heart to your stomach.

"I am not going to die alone. Don't leave me."

"I won't leave you. We will not die alone."

The fat tears roll down your cheeks as you keep your eyes on Lottie. And Lottie does the same, her mouth open with a scream of terror, her eyes looking behind you to the reality charging towards us with trees hitting the wings.

Within a millisecond, the world went black with a disgusting crack.

25 years later…

You sit on the porch of your childhood home infront of your table covered with everything you might need to get inspired. It's been 2 years since your last novel came out; it was successful and made you money but nothing crazy. You're publisher has been hounding you for the third book in your trilogy of romance novels, but you have been dry of inspiration for a long time. Your books weren't something you were incredibly proud of. It was just a smutty and fluffy romance with dark undertones throughout. Your trilogy was about a lesbian couple composed of an adventurer looking for a lost artifact and a genie lost in the artifact. The adventurer's first wish was to be loved, and the story wrote itself after that idea.

After the rescue, you never wanted to leave your house again. It took you until Shauna's wedding to leave your home and your father's side. You were in a dark place when you came back home. You lived a life out in the wilderness that would be judged and parts that would cause people to look at you with fear. You took a few years to find the motivation to do anything with your life. Your father was loving and patient with you, and you eventually went to college in new york. You build connections and experiences you long thought were not for you and that you would never experience. You remembered being in a horse-drawn carriage in central park and crying because you finally did something, and the forest didn't stop you. It couldn't stop you anymore. You became a writer under a pen name and moved back in with your father as soon as possible; you lived mostly at home and didn't leave unless you wanted to. Now, your father living in a nursing home because he needs more medical attention than you could give him, leaving you in the big house alone. And you were happy.

You rub your eyes as you stare at the computer screen; you turn to face your cold breakfast. You bite into the sausage, feeling the texture and savoring the vestiges and juices as you eat the meat, reminding yourself to eat the meat first. The wind chimes sing softly at the wind as you look around your backyard, seeing your outside cat resting on the gate across the way. A sense of peace in the world as at this little house. You dreamed about it, and it became a paradise in your young mind; you were content with your humble home.

As you are chewing on your food, you see a woman walk through the wooden gate and look around the back of your house. You shallow quickly as you look at the unfamiliar woman, your eyes sharp as you take another bite of food before calling out to her. A tan woman with black curls and a strong nose. You have never seen this woman in your life.

"Hey, what are you doing over there?"

"Oh, I'm looking for (Y/n) (L/n). Does she still live here?" The woman asked, looking at you with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm she."

"I am Jessica Roberts, Star-Ledger, and I'd like to ask you a few questions.

You feel your mask work for you, a smile on your lips as you wave her over to you. "Come on over; I just made some coffee."

"Thank you," Jessica said as she came into your yard. You stand up, not caring if she would steal your computer, and go through the back door to get her a cup of coffee.

You walk back out to her, sitting across from you at the table and her looking over the spread of items on the table. It had your breakfast, half-empty coffee, an ashtray, a computer, writing notebooks, and flowers. You always had a vase of flowers on your tables. "You like flowers, I see?" Jessica commented as she saw the cases of your phone and computer, flowers, and the big bouquet of wildflowers.

"Yeah, I think it gives more color to my workspace." You say with a kind tone to it. You smile as you sit on the floor pillow and push your work aside to see her more clearly. "What do you need to ask me? Is it about the Ancient Desires series?"

"Oh, no," Jessica said with a confused look like she never heard of them. You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the air was thicker. "I wasn't going to ask you about that."

Your ear perks up, and you feel the air still. The palms of your hands clam up as you continue your Façade. You perfected hiding your feeling under a smile, having to calm and temper the hunger of others for so long kept with you. Smiling and nodding, simply listening and being seen, was a tool you learned and used daily. No one needed to know the hurt or the anger, knowing if they caught a glimpse of the rage boiling inside, you would scare them. "It should scare them," you thought to yourself in times of reflection that both made you scared of yourself but empowered with knowledge of the depth of your rage.

"Well, what is it that you want to ask?" You ask her, but already knowing what she is going to say.

"I wanted to ask you about what really happened 25 years ago?" Jessica asked with a curtness that you didn't appropriate about the topic. She is that type of reporter. She is not asking about the new book's release, and she was not here for some literary journal. She is here to pry like so many before. Like the others, they have no taste as they try to pry and ask questions about the scars on your face or how you became so skinny upon your return that would be followed up by a question if you were pleased with your new body or when they try and ask what happened to the other girls in the woods.

You pause and grab a cigarette. You think to yourself, "Jesus fucking Christ."

"Okay. We have. I remember we had a press conference a month after our rescue, and we told the story." You said quickly as you blew the smoke out of your mouth, hiding your nervousness. You remember the flashing lights of cameras and the distasteful questions, the feeling of the eyes of the girls on you, and feeling your tongue move as you lie through your teeth that day. You lean your head on your fist as you smoke your cigarette.

"No, but how did you all survive 19 months in those woods? How did you survive, (Y/N)?"

You look at her with your face unchanging, skillfully, as you make your face look softly confused. A soft smile as you nod your head, smoking the stick. "Okay. We have already said what happened when we got back 25 years ago. We starved, scavenged, and prayed a lot, and then we were found."

"I know you have been letting other people tell your story-"

You dryly chuckle, cutting her off, blowing your smoke shakily as you say, "I am a bestseller author. I have published 4 books if you did any research before coming here. I would have written about it, but there is not much to tell that wouldn't be tragedy porn for sick fucks to read. Just like the sick fucks paying you to dig up this old story. I've moved on."

"All I am saying is that some of them are getting money off your story. Don't let them tell your story."

You lean back on your comfortable pillow as you gently let the wind hit your face. Feeling calm over you as you smoke again, looking into her eyes as you soften your face. In your heart, you know she is bluffing, but your hands shake with nervousness; you slowly space out as you let something come over you that spoke in the reassuring voice you mastered.

"Whatever you think happened out there is probably much worse than what happened. I know we all don't want to relive our pasts because of how tragic it was…." As you look at your table, you feel space out as the world becomes quieter. "Honestly, we just starved and hunted whatever we could find to keep the ones to survive the crash alive. And some died along the way from exposure and starvation. It was hard to live through, and it is something I will always take with me, the time I lost and the kid I was, but we have told you the whole story. We just survived. I don't understand what you are looking for me to say." You said, as you basically rephrased the press statement you said 25 years ago. You remember holding the queue cards tightly as you stare down at them, not daring to face the families and people demanding answers. But how could you answer those questions? How could you tell them that what they think is true, you ate your friends, but how do you confess how you ate them, the reason they died. You remembered as you told the microphone of the deaths of the people as starvations, looking up to find Akilah's sister with a 3-year-old boy on her lap, you felt yourself choke under the guilt. You ran away from the press conference as soon as it was finished; you remember the sobs you wailed into your father's chest when you got home. And how you couldn't face the world for a few years after that. Lies always seemed to stab you more profoundly than any other bad intention, but you couldn't see how telling the truth would do anyone good.

"Have you spoken to the other girls to know they don't want to relive it?"

You chuckle again as you sip your coffee. You shake your head and say, "No, I haven't spoken to them in years. I think the last time I saw one of the girls was back in… '07? I hope they are doing good. I don't know how they feel, but I am just assuming." You lie smoothly. You take a deep puff out of the cigarette. "I am done talking about this now; I hope you can respect my decision."

"Alright, but if you change your mind, please contact me," she says, putting a business card with the very clearly fake business name on it and her number. You smile as she gets up and leaves, not touching the coffee and leaving without a goodbye.

You kiss your teeth as you think, "Wasteful bitch." You sigh as you smoke the end of the short cigarette, pouring the untouched coffee into your mug. You sit in your spaced-out state as your thoughts run. You feel yourself kiss your teeth again, knowing what you should do, as you stand up with a new cigarette in your teeth, walking into your home.

You race to the bedroom, and you find the purple burner phone. The one that Tai bought you a week before she married Simone, she begged you to keep contact and that she couldn't imagine a world without you as she proposed to Simone. You took the phone without saying anything to the crying woman, and you pointedly never used it after putting all the yellowjackets information into it if you needed it. You still felt a sting when you thought about Tai and how things ended up for you. You felt that way about all the girls.

You sigh and light the cigarette as you look up to the ceiling; you roll your eyes as you call the number that you know would know the most and would give you anything you need at the drop of a hat.

You hear the rings as you anxiously pace the floor, smoking the cigarette deep into your lungs, feeling the tickle and your nerves widen in your legs and hands.

"Hello, this is Misty Quigley. Who is this?"

"Hey, Misty, it's me-"

"Hi," Misty said breathlessly on the other end. I can already tell she is smiling and pressing her phone closer to her cheek, trying to get close to you somehow. She knew it was you before you could finish your sentence.

"I wanted to call and tell you that someone came to my house and asked about it." You said softly to her, holding the burning stick. Looking at it as you lose yourself in the disassociating daydream. "You told me once, if anything happened, to call you."

"Who was it? Another reporter? Are you okay? Did they do anything to you?"

"Yeah, she said her name was Jessica Roberts from the Star-Ledger. I-I know you are better at these things than me, but I don't think that if that is really her name or Star-Ledger is real. I wanted you to know before she or any of the girls come to you." You said as you felt yourself start crying. You didn't know why.

"Thank you. You're still so kind; how are you doing? Are you still in New York?" Misty asked quickly, and you felt your skin crawl as you knew she was already trying to get her claws into you again. Too much hurt lingers inside you with what happened in the woods.

"I-I… Thank you, Misty. I have to go now-"

"Wait-"

"Bye. I'm sorry." You sobbed as you hung up on her. You felt a piece of your heart pull at the pain. You chose yourself long ago; you can't let them come back in. They would never leave. You don't really know if you want them to.

You know that you would let them creep back into your life if you let them. They saved you. They protected you. How could you stay away from them again?

DINGDONG! DINGDONG!

You feel yourself flinch at the sound of your doorbell ring in your house. It stabbed the air violently. You rush to the door now, feeling lost in the moment. The memories rush and consume your reality. As you race down the stairs, you feel the air push your hair like the wild wind did in those hunts; the feeling of your skin touching the carpeted floors turn to wet grass, as the hair follows out not out of simple bounce of stairs but out of savagery.

"Jessica, I already told you that I don't-" You say as you open the door, only to find nobody there. You pause as you look around the road with the other houses on the drive and the forest surrounding your home. You feel the wilderness look at you when you scan the trees, knowing it is breathing you in as you breathe it in. You were alone in your isolated country home,

You look down at the mat to find a bouquet of Baby breaths wrapped in brown paper. You shakily pick it up and look at the card. You felt the lone lost role come back from all those years ago, the Doe, the innocent creature watched over by the wolves and tormented with pleasure and insanity. Your eyes manically look around the house again as you lose your breath, panic over you as you back into your door, slamming and locking the door.

“I don’t know how to describe it, but I’ve never met anyone who is equally beautiful inside and out as you. I hope you like the flowers even though I know you prefer color.

Eternally yours ♡”

Unbeknownst to you, across the way, a woman watched the house when you cowered back into the safety of the house. Her hand clutched the tree with their fingers digging into the now smoothed bark from the years of her touch. Her face snarls as she sees you hide back into your house, the lip quacking into a smirk, taking you drawing back as an invitation to chase you again. They remembered the years they yearned for you, afraid of you rejecting them because they didn't know if you liked girls too, not knowing how you would love them. You were precious; you were kind and genuine, ferocious and passionate, but so lost like always. They saw how you were lonely before the crash, and they see it now. They knew deep down that you were ruled by your fear and love of others, making you hide. They knew if they got you again, you couldn't leave them like you did once. You were their wife out there. And they are going to get you back.

Note: I really hope you liked this story! Please ask me if you want to be on the Taglist or any thoughts on my story. Also, if you don’t like the outfits you don’t have to take them as the image you get in your head while reading, they were just what I used to inspire the story and enrich the character setting that you are in for this story! (BTW I am so annoyed that I couldn’t find any plus sized clothes on the site I used to make the outfits)

#yellowjackets #lesbian #wlw #van palmer x reader #lottie matthews x reader #taissa turner x reader #shauna shipmen #Shauna shipmen x reader #van palmer #lottie mathews #taissa turner #misty quigley #misty quigley x reader #yellowjackets x reader

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liuvli · 10 months ago

Text

Critical Darling

pairing: eddie munson x fem!goth!reader

summary: It's your senior year. You're a "goth freak" and you definitely stand out, but it doesn't bother you. You're proud of who you are, and nobody is going to change that. Not even the person that motivated you to be so proud in the first place. Eddie "The Freak" Munson.

warnings: she/her pronouns, slow burn, cursing, alcohol, smoking, eventual smut, minor use of y/n, slightly bitchy reader, work in progress

tags: first meetings, pov second person, s4 doesn’t happen, goth!reader, tradgoth!reader, fluff, angst, eddie & chrissy friendship, reader is a little fruity

all fic chapters & a03 link

chapter wc: 8.3k

Chapter Seven: Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

Although the two of you had made plans to meet up and spend time together before Christmas, you didn’t end up seeing Kace over the weekend, all thanks to one person and one person only; your mother. She had spent the weekend doing nothing but complaining at you for the posters stuck onto the walls of your room, sending you on endless errands that she was more than capable of running herself, critiquing the way you and April decorated the house, being on your back constantly about grades and homework, insisting you had to set a good example for April, who already had A’s in most classes as a Freshman. Truthfully, you knew you had started to reach your limit with it all.

Christmas Eve had finally arrived, and almost as if it had become a daily task for her, your mom was sitting on the couch filing her nails as she complained about the decorating again. To be more specific, she didn’t like the “hue of the lights” (lights which she had bought a few years back), the color of the tinsel (a color she was obsessed with the last time you heard her express any kind of interest in anything), and the tree looked “anemic”. What did she mean by that? Nobody was to know. Truly one of life’s biggest mysteries.

She kissed her teeth as she didn’t bother to lift her head to look up at you from where she sat on her armchair, thick lashes casting a dark shadow on her eyes. You switched which leg was crossed over which, readjusting yourself on the couch next to April, TV remote in hand.

“With all due respect, Mom, you leave April and me home alone for months on end for ‘work’. We keep the place tidy, and we put the decorations up without you having to ask. You could decorate the house yourself if you were here all the time, but you’re not. So, really, what gives you the right to complain?” That ‘tch’ sound again, switching to another nail and filing the edges again.

“...Tidy apart from the housephone. Remind me, how did that end up broken?” Letting out a huff, you uncrossed your legs, leaning forward as you looked over to her.

“I told you, I tripped over it. Must’ve slipped off the wall and I ended up catching it around my leg when getting a glass of water one night.” Silence, before just two words.

“Likely story.” That was it. Your last nerve, gone. Evaporated. Vanished. Missing person case reported.

Standing from the couch and instantly turning to walk away, you let out a quiet sigh, holding back from the things you really wanted to say.

“Okay, I’m going out. I’ll be at Kace’s.” Blowing some dust off of her nail, your mom still didn’t manage to even look up as she spoke.

“Mhm, do what you want. Just be back in time for dinner tomorrow. No later than 2 pm.” How predictable. It’s Christmas Eve, you said you’re leaving, and she couldn’t give less of a fuck. Love you too, Mom.

Stepping out of the house with just the clothes on your back, a simple pair of boots, and the leather jacket, you walked to Kace’s, which had thankfully never been too long of a journey. When you turned up at his front door after a short 10-minute trek, the sound of numerous voices inside brought back a memory from last Friday. You had been made aware that the group was having a Hellfire session at Kace’s house on X-mas Eve, but with all the shit your Mom had given you for the past three days, it had slipped your mind. Contemplating whether or not you should just go back home instead, spending the night with your family like most people did, you figured intruding on a Hellfire session would be preferable in comparison to the other option.

Not bothering to knock on the door, as you had grown used to being told to just let yourself in, you made your way into the living room, finding the boys all sat around Kace’s dinner table, shouting amongst themselves as Eddie chuckled devilishly. The first of the boys to notice you was Dustin Henderson, as he was standing from his chair and facing your direction, just raising a finger to point at you, the others instantly looking over as they all noticed one by one. Coincidentally, Kace was the last to notice as his back was fully turned to you, swiveling in his seat as he finally looked up to notice Dustin’s pointing. When he turned to face you, he lit up, making you remember that he had once said that he was always happy to see you, even if you broke into his house one day and came to brutally murder him in his sleep. His words.

Rushing over to you and squeezing his arms around you for a hug, he leaned back, his hands still placed on your shoulders.

“I’m so happy to see you, love. As always. What brings you here?” For a brief moment, your eyes flicked over to the rest of the group still seated around the table, and thankfully, Kace understood the awkward glance, shuffling the two of you into the hallway.

“Argument with my Mom, obviously. I did tell you they were home, didn’t I?” Kace snorted, dropping his hands and taking a step back.

“Yes, during the brief phone conversation that we had on Saturday before she got back from the store.” You hummed, remembering it now.

“By the way, how are your parents okay with this? Hellfire having their meeting here, I mean.” The tall boy leaned against the door frame, smirking to himself.

“Eh, they don’t know. They’ve gone out for the night and just told me to meet them at my Aunt’s tomorrow for the family dinner. They’ll be spending the night at hers. Hellfire at my place, woop woop!” Laughing at the cheesy display, you nodded, understandingly.

Hearing a loud holler from the other room as Eddie called after Kace, hoping to continue with the session, you took it as a prompt to make yourself sparse.

“...I’m gonna go up to your room and chill for a bit. That okay? I just need some space.” Kace nodded, giving you a warm smile.

“Of course, you don’t even need to ask. We’ll be done soon, anyway, because the freshmen need to be home early-ish.” With one last tap on the side of your arm, the boy returned to the room next door as you made your way up to his bedroom, immediately bee-lining towards his bed.

Spending the next hour reading magazines that Kace proudly collected, listening to music, and letting his TV play quietly in the background, you eventually found yourself mostly forgetting about the shit you had been putting up with for the past few days, finally taking a moment to relax. Kace had popped his head through the door briefly to say that he and Eddie were driving the group home and that he’d return soon, so you found yourself anxiously waiting for that time to come, just wanting to spend some time with your friend before having to make your way home.

When he did finally return, however, he had Eddie lurking behind him in the doorway, his stature slightly smaller than the boy’s in front of him. The two of them stumbled to explain that Eddie had revealed he’d be spending the night alone due to his uncle working again, as usual, and that Kace had so kindly invited him to come back to the house with him, betting on the chance that’d you’d tolerate him just for the reason they had explained. Not wanting any sort of fight, you allowed it, Kace perking up as he ushered the three of you downstairs, beers in hand that he had been hiding in his room for the longest time, waiting for the best opportunity to finally drink them with someone.

As the three of you idly chatted about anything and everything, it felt like there was one topic that both you and Eddie had the urge to bring up, exchanging knowing glances every time Kace would be taking his turn to speak, and finally, you decided to pop that bubble of brewing tension.

“Who was that guy you spoke to when we went out for food a while back? You know, the one you keep letting your eyes follow when we see him in public.” As the question finally came out, Kace froze, the bottle pressed up against his lips tilted mid-air, his eyes widening before quickly placing it down on the coffee table, wiping anything away from his mouth.

“Oh, that one. Uh… steveharrington.” You and Eddie gave each other a mutually confused look as neither of you was able to catch what the last word he said was.

“Sorry, what was that?” Eddie contributed, also curious for an answer, despite already having his suspicions. The boy sitting across from you groaned, letting his head fall back and his eyes land on the ceiling.

“...Steve Harring-”

“STEVE ‘THE HAIR’ HARRINGTON? I fucking knew it.” The speed at which he raised his voice had taken you aback, as you held your hands up in surprise.

“...I still don’t know who this guy is or why it’s such a big deal.” This time, all eyes were on you, and you suddenly felt like you had been living under a rock all this time. Eddie shifted his body to face you, clasping his hands together in front of him.

“Harrington’s this douche that used to go to Hawkins. Would try and hit on any girl that would give him the time of day, after he and his girlfriend split, of course. Thinks he’s all high and mighty.” Eddie tried his best to enlighten you, but with your expression of ‘so?’, he felt the need to add one more piece of information.

“Definitely not the type of guy that would associate with anyone like me or you guys.” With this new understanding, you nodded, taking a sip of beer as Eddie redirected his attention back to Kace, who seemed thankful for a brief moment that he wasn’t being interrogated.

“You. How did the two of you even end up talking? What the fuck would you and Steve Harrington have in common?” Kace let the tips of his nails gently tap against the wood of the coffee table.

“Well… Tears For Fears was playing over the speakers and I overheard him muttering along to it, so I-” This time, it was your turn to cut him off.

“Hold on just a fucking minute, you like those guys? Our many years of friendship, and you’ve never told me that.” Kace just shrugged, averting his gaze, his fingers still idly tapping.

“I know, not my usual thing. But anyway, I asked him the same thing, not knowing it would be the type of music he was into either, and we just ended up… talking.” In the corner of your eye, you could see Eddie, slack-jaw, blinking in bewilderment.

“...Really didn’t take you for a Harrington kind of guy. Truly.” This earned a shrug from the suddenly quiet boy. Noticing Kace’s unusual demeanor, not his usual confident self, you tried to throw in your two cents.

“Personally, I can see it. I don’t know much about this Harrington guy, but doesn’t sound… too bad. Go for it, love.” His attention caught by the nickname you sparingly used for him, Kace finally lifted his head, giving you a sincerely thankful smile, to which you returned one. Eddie opened his mouth to speak again, which worried you, hoping he wouldn’t say anything to put your friend down again.

“You got a thing for this guy then, huh… Well, Chrissy’s holding a New Year’s party, if you two feel like coming. Pretty sure her Mom is going away with her new boyfriend to start the new year off and Jason somehow convinced the poor girl to take the chance to host a party. Most likely because hosting it himself would do wonders for the good-boy reputation he works so hard to maintain.” Both you and Kace looked over at the brunette, unsure how this was related to the previous topic you were all on.

“What I’m saying is that seeing as it’s a party with mostly… normal people, who knows, Harrington might end up showing his face. Hot girls and beer? What guy would miss out on that?” You let out a fake gag as you rolled your eyes, but this piece of information had Kace perking up instantly, leaning over the table with a hopeful expression.

After each of you had gotten through a few more drinks, and you got the chance to briefly discuss the issue with your Mom, something you tried not to dwell on, it was time you called it a night. Of course, Kace wasn’t going to let you make your way home whilst drunk, and he wasn’t going to risk his license driving you home, of course, equally drunk. You had somehow found yourself cuddled up next to Kace on the couch, your head resting on his slumped shoulder, with Eddie sitting across from the two of you on the armchair, his shoes kicked off and his legs tucked under him. The shape of his brown, frizzy mane was just barely distinguishable as your eyes struggled to remain open, just barely paying attention to the words he was quietly speaking to Kace.

“Man. It’s weird, don’t you think?” The boy next to you gave a questioning hum, his body subtly vibrating as he did so, Eddie continuing.

“Just a couple of years ago…” Again, Kace hummed, this time with a gentle nod, as if he knew what Eddie was trying to say. He took one last swig of beer before placing the empty bottle on the floor beside the couch, leaning back against the cushions.

“I get you. She’s changed a lot since then. Who knows, maybe subconsciously due to your influence?” Eddie laughed, unsure.

“Right. Sure.”

With the sun shining directly into your eyes from the gap in the curtain, you woke up and are immediately aching, sleeping on the couch always working wonders for your body in the long term. At this rate, you’d be needing a cane by the age of 25. However, the second thing you noticed was just how claustrophobic your legs felt, slightly wiggling them around and feeling restricted. Shifting out of the way of the beam of light blinding you, you forced your eyes open, the sight of Eddie still asleep on the other end of the couch taking you aback. What.

Finding the clock on the wall, it read 12:05 pm. Briefly looking around the room, you searched for Kace, but weirdly, no sight of him. As you slumped back down onto the couch, you looked forward, being met by the sight of Eddie with his eyes now slightly cracked open. His arms were crossed over his abdomen, and his hair was unstyled, draping down the back of the couch.

“...Good morning, Munson.”

“Merry X-mas, doll.” You scoffed, being saved as the sound of Kace stepping down the stairs captured your attention, the boy appearing at the bottom step wearing a long nightgown over a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt you were 90% sure was from summer camp in 7th grade.

“Dude, did you sleep upstairs? In the bed?” With the biggest case of bedhead you had ever seen, Kace trudged over to the kitchen, pouring a cup of black coffee, and shrugging.

“Well, duh. If the option to sleep in a nice, warm bed is available, I’m taking it. Besides, you seemed… comfortable on the couch.” He snorted as you let out a loud groan, untangling your legs from Eddie’s and throwing the blanket that was draped over the two of you into his lap. You looked down.

“Did you really sleep in jeans?” The still sleepy-eyed brunette looked up at you, stretching his arms above his head.

“...Would you of preferred it if I didn’t?” Holding your hands up to block the view of his face, you began walking away.

“Ew, no. Nevermind.”

Walking into the kitchen, Kace slid a mug over to you, and you graciously expected without a second thought.

“You good to drive me home before heading to your Aunt’s?” He sipped his coffee, wrapping both hands around the warm mug.

“Yup. But don’t count on me to come get you if shit bombs at home. You know I’d usually drop everything to come save you when you need it but… my family, you know how they can be.” You nodded, not having to ask further because you indeed did know what his family was like.

Finishing your coffee, you offered to help Kace tidy the place up before heading home, and despite his insisting that you didn’t have to, you ended up doing so anyway. Once the living room was returned to its former glory, all three of you piled outside, saying your goodbyes to Eddie. You rested your arms atop the roof of the car as Kace turned to speak to the boy.

“You doing anything nice today?” The metalhead shrugged, letting his keys dangle between his fingers.

“Nah. Wayne’ll be home later tonight and we’ll probably order takeout but you know what work’s like.” Kace sucked in air through his teeth, giving you an awkward side glance, and you chewed the inside of your mouth, not knowing whether you should say something or not. With just a single wave, the two of you piled into his car as Eddie got into the van, driving down the street as you and Kace sat, awkwardly.

“Why do I feel bad for him?” You questioned, not realizing you had said it out loud. Kace looked over at you, turning the engine on.

“I do, too, love. If there was something I could do, I would. But again-”

“Yep, know what your family is like.”

As you arrived home and said goodbye to Kace, dinner was just being plated as you made your way into the house. Mom standing in the kitchen, her back turned to you and not a single ounce of acknowledgment, Dad sitting at the table already, reading the newspaper, and April practically leaping over to you, hugging you as if it had been years since you had left.

“Thank God you’re back. That woman is a pain to be around without you here.” You snorted, hushing her as you made your way over to sit down at the table next to your Dad.

“Sorry for leaving, by the way… but we both know it was smarter for me to leave rather than stay.” She nodded, twirling the end of her knife against the tablecloth.

“Well, true. Can’t blame you for that.”

Despite the awkward silence, only being broken when your Dad had something to say about what he had read in the morning paper, dinner was… nice? If there was one thing your Mom was good at, which obviously wasn’t her warm parenting skills, it was cooking. On the rare occasion she was home and would cook a meal for everyone, it never failed to give you a bittersweet feeling; remembering what it was like when you were younger, when she felt like an actual Mom, the kind other people had. But these meals always left a sour taste in your mouth afterward, metaphorically speaking, as it was a stark reminder of what things were like now.

When everyone had finished eating, April had taken notice, quietly placing her cutlery down as she prepared to ask a question.

“...Can I go see Edith?” What the fuck? What kind of question is that?

“It’s Christmas day, April. Why on Earth would you need to go and see one of your friends right now?” The girl dropped her head, fidgeting with her hands, nails clicking against each other.

“Well- I got a gift for her, and I just thought since she got to go out last night-” You leaned forward, waving your hands out in front of you.

“Woah, woah. I went out last night because… I needed air. It’s not the same.” As if you had committed some sort of grave betrayal, the younger girl gave you a look, her eyes flicking over to your mom expectantly.

“It’s kind of the same. You went out to get away from Mom, I want to go out to see a friend. I think my reason is way more valid.” Noticing the head tilt your Dad made as April spoke, your Mom huffed, the legs of her chair screeching against the flooring as she stood up. Getting more desperate, April revealed another trick she had hidden up her sleeve.

“I’ve been doing my homework! And my room’s tidy, you can check!” You groaned as you leaned back in your chair, crossing your arms.

“Oh, now you’re sucking up to her. Only when it benefits you, right? Screw our sisterly bond-” Silenced by the sound of her hands clapping together, the two of you finally remembered your Mom’s presence less than a meter away. “April, go see your friend. Don’t be home late.” Without a second thought, or a moment to let your Mom change her mind, April stood up from the table and rushed up to her room to get ready to leave, your mom collecting the empty plates and dishes. You followed her over to the kitchen, frustrated by the situation.

“You would’ve NEVER let me go out on Christmas to see friends when I was her age.” The older woman turned to face you, one hand resting against the edge of the sink.

“You didn’t have friends at her age. Besides, if it gets her out of my hair and stops you two from bickering…” You took a step back.

“Right. Merry Christmas.” Dad gave you an understanding look as you walked back into the living room, giving you the go-ahead to slip the first pair of boots on that you grabbed and wrap yourself up in the only jacket you had hanging up in the hallway.

Stepping out of the house, not caring that the door accidentally slammed behind you, you let your head fall back as you looked up, the sky a solid white. You blinked a few times, letting out a deep sigh, and as you looked down again, ready to start walking to a park, or something, you were greeted with a sight. A very familiar one, by now. The van. As you walked over, Eddie rolled the window down, leaning out slightly with a grin.

“Need something?” His eyes flicked over to the house briefly.

“Figured from what Kace was saying earlier that you’d need saving. You getting in?” Contemplating your choices, you looked back at the house, watching as April stepped out and made her way over to where you were standing, looking up at Eddie in the van.

“Who are you?” Before you could answer, giving her an equally vague response as you did before, Eddie had taken it upon himself to do so, letting more of his body hang out of the window as he stretched his arm out to shake April’s hand, which she did hesitantly.

“Your sister’s new best friend. You the infamous Apricot?” She scowled.

“Ew. Yes.” The girl glanced between you and the boy, before landing her gaze on the van.

“Can you drive me to my friend’s house?” You turned to face her again.

“April, you can’t just ask strangers to drive you places.” A moment of silence before she replied, clearly finding herself hilarious.

“He’s not a stranger. He’s your new best friend.” Dumbfounded, and the metalhead laughing his ass off next to us, April began walking around to the opposite side of the vehicle, not waiting for an answer. Eddie looked down at you, wiping a tear from his eye.

“She’s funny.” You squint.

“You’re a dick.”

Accepting your fate, you followed April to the passenger’s side, sliding into the middle seat before letting the girl slide in after you, closing the door behind herself. After telling Eddie the address of her friend, he was already somewhat familiar.

“Got a friend who lives nearby. Gotcha.” As he began driving, playing his music on a lower volume than he usually did, April nudged you with her elbow, tilting her head toward you.

“Is he your new boyfriend?” You couldn’t help letting out a laugh, muffling the sound with the back of your hand before taking in a deep breath and regaining your posture.

“Who’s asking?” She pulled a face.

“Ew.” You also pulled a face.

“Ew, you.”

The van finally parked up outside of a house, and April climbed out the second the vehicle stopped moving, making her way around to the driver’s window, Eddie rolling it down.

“Get a new air freshener for your van. It smells weird.” Before Eddie could reply, she walked away and up to Edith’s house, the boy rolling the window up and pulling away from the curb.

“Nice kid. She get it from you?” You just hummed, muttering your next words.

“She thinks you’re my boyfriend.” This short sentence had Eddie choking on air as you fought a smile, taking notice of the way his fingers began nervously tapping the steering wheel.

“We should act like I am to prank her.” You kissed your teeth, shaking your head.

“What’s wrong with you?” The boy shrugged, briefly glancing over at you.

“Your loss. I’d make a great fake-boyfriend.”

“Uh-huh…”

Not thinking to ask where you were even going, you were surprised when the van pulled into the parking lot of Family Video, the movie rental store halfway across town. Eddie had stopped the engine and stepped out without saying anything, and you watched as he walked around the front of the van to reach the passenger door, opening it for you.

“My angel.” He held a hand out for you, and you scrunched your brows together, a smile on your lips.

“‘Great fake-boyfriend’ my ass. I just puked in my mouth a lil’ bit.” Grabbing his hand as you stepped down, you looked over to the Family Video building, trying to think of any reason as to why you’d be there on Christmas day.

“Enough about your ass, we going with the fake boyfriend thing or…?” Confused by what he was saying, you looked down, instantly recoiling as you pulled your hand out of his.

The two of you made your way into the store, and you looked around, feeling slightly lost.

“Look for a movie you wanna watch, I’ve got something I need to do.” With a shrug, you watched as he walked over to the counter, starting a conversation with the girl standing behind it, a girl with short, brassy hair. Five minutes later, Eddie was signaling you to come over to him, a VHS tape in your hand. The girl behind the counter looked down as you placed it in front of her, reading the name on her badge.

“Gremlins? Good choice.” Eddie laughed, realizing what you had chosen.

“Really? That’s what you went for? Out of literally everything here.” You shrugged, and he laughed again, shaking his head.

Just a few more minutes later and the tape was in your hands again. The two of you began to leave as Robin said one last thing to Eddie.

��I’ll talk to him for you. Merry Christmas, guys.” The boy smiled and nodded, before leading you out of the store.

“What was that about?” You asked as you walked over to the van again, Eddie opening the door before you had the chance to.

“Oh, nothing. Just me being the best wingman there ever was.”

The rest of your day was spent on Eddie’s couch, watching the movie you had chosen and eating chips with dips that the boy had picked up for the two of you. You didn’t speak much, as you were still feeling tired from last night at Kace’s, and from the previous week you had been dealing with your mom and thankfully, Eddie had sensed this. He only really spoke when commenting on something happening in the movie or when you spoke first, plus occasionally asking if you needed a refill of soda. Putting personal opinion on Eddie aside, it was one of the most enjoyable Christmases you had ever had.

At the end of the day, Eddie drove you home just as it was approaching 8 pm. The van arrived outside your house, and you waited a second before turning to leave. Eddie cleared his throat, his fingers drumming against the steering wheel again.

“So… you coming to Chrissy’s party?” You took a moment to think about it, unsure.

“Mm, yeah. May as well, seeing as I don’t have any other plans for New Years, and my parents head out again the morning after.” The boy nodded, his posture weirdly stiff.

“Cool, cool…” There was silence for a second as you twisted some of the rings around your fingers. The brunette opened his mouth to speak again, but you got to it first.

“Thanks for saving me. Earlier, I mean. I know I haven’t been super talkative today but… thanks. It was nice.” Finally looking over to him, Eddie was staring at you like a deer in headlights, and you couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at the sight.

“What?” He shook his head as he tilted it to an angle, rubbing the side of his neck.

“Nothing, nothing. You just sounded very… sincere.”It made you scoff, but lightheartedly.

“That’s because I am being sincere.” You watched as he pressed his lips together in a tight smile.

“Right. Gotcha. Well…” Eddie’s breath hitched, almost as if he still had something he needed to say.

“Goodnight, Eddie.” Letting out a shaky breath, he smiled, studying your movements as you grabbed his hand and planted a kiss onto the back of it, black lipstick being left behind.

As he stared down at the mark left on his skin, you took it as your chance to climb out of the van, Eddie’s hand still raised in the position you had left it in. Forcing yourself to walk into the house without looking back, not wanting to see Eddie giving you some sort of weird face, you couldn’t help but use the peephole as the door shut quietly behind you. Eddie was still sitting in the van outside your house, looking towards the building before turning to face forward, his hair blocking your view of his features. After a few long seconds, he lifted his head before finally driving away.

The days leading up to the party were the mostly same as the days previous to Christmas had been, with your parents also being out of the house most of the time running errands, preparing to go away again. April was spending most of her time in her room unless your mom was in the house, or she was out with friends, and you had also made your bedroom the place where you spent most of your time, trying your best to avoid having to speak to your Mom.

New Year's Eve had arrived, April was spending the night at a friend’s house for a sleepover with multiple classmates, and your parents were packing to leave the next day.

At some point, before you were supposed to be leaving for the party, your Dad had come into your room, letting you know that he had left cash in an envelope next to the coffee pot, and to call him if you needed absolutely anything. He had never stuck up for you when your Mom was giving you grief, but you still appreciated what he did for you any other time. The excuse you had given him for going out that night was that you were spending the night at Kace’s house, celebrating with his family, which your Dad was understanding of, only advising you to avoid your Mom as you left for the night. Obviously, he didn’t have to tell you twice.

Kace had picked you up and driven the two of you to the party, so you both arrived at the same time and were both feeling awkward as fuck, at the same time. Seeing as it was mostly cheerleaders, people from the basketball team, and their associated groups, potential people for you and Kace to speak to were… practically non-existent.The only reason Eddie was there was because he was Chrissy’s weed dealer, and the only reason the two of you were there was because of, well, Eddie (and Chrissy, because she had taken a liking to you apparently). Kace was somehow able to interact with all sorts of people, proved by his conversation with that Harrington guy all those weeks ago. Speak of the Devil, that’s exactly who he somehow sniffed out and had begun talking to, cutting into a conversation Harrington was having with some girl on the cheer squad.

Trying to find some sort of way to make the party enjoyable without Kace by your side, you had found the first guy who didn’t immediately appear completely repulsed by the sight of you, judging the way you dressed and struck up a conversation with him. Yes, he was asking about the clothes and makeup, but not in a mocking or judge-y way, just out of genuine curiosity, from what you could tell. He was asking things like “Why do you dress like that? Do you like scaring people? Is that part intentional? Are you really that pale?”, so honestly, you were humored.

That was until a girl approached the two of you, seeming to be another one of Chrissy’s friends on the team. Immediately, she threw a nasty look your way but offered you a drink, and stupidly, because of the alcohol you had already consumed up until that point, you accepted the red solo cup without another thought, chugging it in hopes of making the party somewhat more enjoyable in a short amount of time. As you swallowed the last sip, it finally occurred to you how disgusting it tasted. Some alcohol really did taste like this, but this was on a whole new level. You couldn’t imagine anyone enjoying it. Was it some shit like absinthe, or something?

Placing the cup down on a table next to you, you began stumbling away, your head almost instantly feeling the effects of whatever concoction you had just consumed. Thankfully, you ended up bumping into Chrissy, who took immediate notice of your state, her eyes instantly flicking towards the girl standing a few meters behind you.

“Oh my gosh, did she give you something? I swear-” The blinde cut herself off as she marched towards the girl, chewing her out as you started walking again, turning the corner to make your way up the stairs, hopefully running into a bathroom at some point on your journey.

Instead, you ended up tripping over some guy sitting on the stairs, the poor dude miserably failing to flirt with a girl who was clearly just sticking around because she thought it was funny. As you fell, however, your hands landing on the boy’s shoulder, he had redirected his attention to you, the girl slipping away and down the stairs, laughing with a group of people as she reached the bottom. You lifted your head, trying to get a good look at the guy as he stood up to support you, recognizing him as the tall guy lurking behind Robin at Family Video last week.

At some point, you had made your way upstairs, sliding into the first open door you could see and keeling over as you began emptying your gut into a trashcan beside a dresser, wiping the edge of your mouth after a few seconds, and floating over toward the bed, planting yourself down with a big huff. Without realizing what you were doing, you had begun mumbling nonsense about your Mom.

“She’s such an ass… I don’t know what my Dad sees in her, really. I don’t know why he puts up with her shit. It’s so-” You trailed off as you noticed a pressure on your thigh, looking down to see the boy’s hand gripping you.

“The fuck?” Before you’re able to instantly recoil, your hand is in his other, slowly being pulled toward his lap. You were drunk, yes, but not drunk enough to be completely unaware of what the guy was trying to do. After noticing the way his belt and zipper were already undone, you wasted no time yanking your hand away, stumbling as you stood up from the bed and continued to stumble your way out of the dark room, hearing the guy scoff as you left.

You re-entered the busy hallway, your head starting to pound again as the music became louder, partly shutting the door behind you as you tried to forget what had just happened. Somehow, you hadn’t noticed Eddie appear directly in front of you, almost bumping into him like what you did with Chrissy earlier. You made a fuzzy mental note to practice spatial awareness at some later date.

The metalhead was already checking you over before you could say anything.

“Chrissy said you looked in bad shape but…” His voice hushed as he leaned forward slightly to look through the crack of the door next to you, watching as the guy from before stood from the bed, zipping his fly up. As you rested your head against the doorframe, Eddie directed his attention back to you, his eyes wide as he looked down, gently holding your arm.

“Did that guy try something with you?” Not quite grasping the severity of Eddie’s concerns, you rolled your eyes, your head rolling to one side and resting on your shoulder.

“Nooo. I mean, he tried. But I hopped up out of there because grossss.” The brunette didn’t say a word before pushing the door open, careful to not knock into you as he walked past and into the room.

The guy looked up at Eddie as he began to buckle his belt up, being interrupted as Eddie snatched his hand away by the wrist, holding it up into the air.

“Did you touch her?” With a scoff, his trademark by now, the boy began trying to wriggle his hand out of the brunette’s, nervously laughing.

“Pfft, what does it matter to you? She yours or something?” You stepped back into the room, slumping against a dresser next to the doorway, struggling to stay upright as you observed the scene unfolding in front of you. Eddie immediately snapped back.

“What if she is? Really, what if?” This confused the boy, a snort coming from him as he decided to test his luck again.

“But, is she-” And again, Eddie cut him, his tone flatter this time.

“She might be.” The lack of an immediate response from the boy gave Eddie a chance to let his eyes flick over to you, his gaze softening as he appeared to be having some sort of internal conversation with himself, his grip tightening around the boy’s wrist.

He finally let himself look back at the boy.

“If I ever see you approach any woman other than your own mother again, I will cut this hand off and keep it pickled in a jar like a trophy. Do you understand what I’m saying?” The guy began stuttering his words, head trying to recoil away from Eddie, who had his face positioned just inches away.

“-Okay, man. Yeah. I got it.” Finally, Eddie released his grip on the wrist, and the boy slid out of the room within just a few seconds, his head dipping to avoid making any sort of eye contact with you.

Gently ushering you out of the room with him, you and Eddie were face to face with Chrissy back in the hallway, the girl stepping out of the bathroom across from you, tightening to ribbon around her ponytail as she gave the two of you a warm smile.

“Oh, hey, guys! You two good?” Eddie stepped in front of you slightly, leaning toward the blonde and lowering his voice.

“Not doing great. You got somewhere she can stay for the night?” Chrissy was confused, her eyes flitting between you and the boy, so he continued.

“I’ve drunk tonight, and I was just planning on walking back to mine, so I don’t even have my van with me. And… things aren’t great with her parents right now, so I don’t think her going back is a good idea anyway.” The blonde began waving her hands in front of the both of you.

“Say no more. Of course, Eddie. She can have my bed seeing as I’ll probably end up passing out elsewhere in the house later when everyone is gone.” The brunette placed his hands on Chrissy’s shoulders as he thanked her, the girl giving him a big grin.

As she slowly guided you into her room just slightly down the hall, she started speaking as you failed to remain standing still in one spot.

“Extra blankets in that closet. If she needs pajamas, there’s some in that drawer over there, and bathroom is through that door. I’ll go tell her friend about what’s happening, but I’ll probably head back to the party after that. Unless you want me to look after her, which I’m more than happy to do. You know, so you can enjoy the rest of your night.” Eddie looked around the room, shaking his head.

“No need, I can stay up here.” Chrissy gave him one last nod before heading back downstairs to find Kace.

You were gently pushed into the bathroom with a set of pajamas that Eddie had quickly grabbed, and you continued to mumble nonsense as you the door was closed behind you. Through the wood, you could hear Kace enter the room, muffled slightly, as he spoke to Eddie.

“Is she okay? What the hell happened?” A sigh.

“Some fucking guy- I don’t know, she must’ve drunk something and a guy must’ve noticed how much of a mess she was. Decided it was his time to shine, I guess.” You can hear the sound of your friend stomping around angrily, almost being able to see the image of him running his hands through his hair due to stress.

“If I see that man, he’s getting castrated. Hold me to my word.”

A few minutes later, you finally emerged from the bathroom, the door swinging open as you held onto the side of it for dear life. Kace immediately captured you in a tight hug, instinctively letting your head nestle into the crook of his neck, not being able to lift your arms to give him a proper embrace in return. Once released, you trudged over to Chrissy’s bed, falling back onto it and sinking into the mattress, mumbling about how comfortable it was, your head sinking further into the numerous pillows the girl had stacked up. You weren’t awake for long as Kace and Eddie just spoke amongst themselves, their two faces out of sight as they towered above you, their torsos being the last thing you could see before passing out.

Only a few hours later, you were awake. The first thing you did was read the clock on the bedside table, the time reading 04:37. The second thing you did was take notice of the way your head throbbed, the dimly lit room probably being the only reason it wasn’t somehow much worse. You leaned forward and noticed the small night light plugged into the wall, and looked up to notice Eddie asleep on the armchair across from you, his jacket draped across him like a makeshift blanket, his feet crossed over one another on the floor, and his head dipped down, his face not visible. If you listened closely, you could hear his slow, deep breathing, watching the way his shoulders and chest moved in time with the sound.

Sitting up slightly, you tapped the edge of the mattress with two fingers, attempting to make some noise, but not too much that would startle a person.

“Psst, Munson. Hey-” He lifted his head suddenly, eyes squinting in the darkness, confused. He rubbed his hand down his face as the jacket slid down and into his lap and as he looked at you, he was more awake, his eyes wide as he leaned forward.

“Oh, hey, you good? You- You’re awake, are you okay?” You lifted an arm and rubbed the side of your head.

“Uh, yeah… I think I’m good. It’s so late, why are we still here?” Eddie straightened his posture as if it was a bad thing to ask.

“I’ll explain when you’re more awake and sobered up in the morning, but Chrissy offered you her room for the night. She’s in her Mom’s room next door, so don’t worry about her.” You nodded, trying to make some sort of sense of the situation with the small amount of information you had before he spoke again.

“Why don’t you head back to sleep? You’ve only been out for… five-ish hours.” Grimacing as your head throbbed again, you were given your answer.

“I have this huge headache, could you see if Chrissy has something I could take for it?” Without any sort of hesitation, Eddie stood up, walked into Chrissy’s bathroom, and slightly closed the door behind him to prevent too much light from seeping into the room. He returned a few seconds later with two Advil and a glass of water, which you graciously accepted.

Placing the glass on the table beside the bed, you looked up at the boy.

“Why are you even in here? Did you miss the party to stay up here?” As you asked, Eddie brought a tuft of hair from the side of his head to hide the lower section of his face as he looked away, eyes drifting around the room.

“Well, yeah. Didn’t feel right leaving you all alone, and I thought Kace would appreciate having more time to speak to Harrington tonight, so I said I’d keep watch, or whatever.” You gave him a simple nod, a weird feeling thrumming in your chest. Probably just a precursor of tomorrow’s hangover.

“Well, why are you sleeping on that chair?” The question made Eddie laugh as if it was ridiculous for you to even ask.

“I’m not just gonna climb into bed with a sleeping girl, am I? I’m not that much of a degenerate. It’d feel so wrong.” Chewing the inside of your lip, you sat up even more.

“...That chair can’t be comfortable.” Eddie was clearly confused, nervously laughing as he struggled to remain still, his feet shuffling around in one area.

“Well, what can I do? Not many other options, you know?”

Without another word, you began taking some of the pillows from Chrissy’s abundant collection and started to construct a wall of them down the middle of the bed, feeling Eddie’s eyes watching closely as you did so. He walked around to the other side of the bed, giving you a look that said ‘Really?’ to which you returned with one saying ‘Really.’ You jerked your head slightly, gesturing for him to get onto the bed. It earned a sigh from him, but he still kicked off his shoes before climbing into the bed, his body rigid in its position.

You laid back down, but facing him still, just being able to see most of his face, just barely being able to make out his open eyes staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. The pile of pillows wasn’t too tall, but just about thick enough to qualify as a suitable partition between two people, so it was easy for you to slide your arm over it, letting your hand fall onto Eddie’s chest, your fingers slowly rubbing against the fabric of his shirt. He didn’t say anything to the gesture, but you took deliberate notice of the way he tensed up as you first made contact, before relaxing into your touch.

You decided it was time to break the silence, but just barely, as you whispered, your voice muffled by exhaustion.

“Thanks for staying with me.” You had begun to worry that you were crossing a boundary for a second as you didn’t get an immediate reply until you felt Eddie’s hand gently slip over your own, his fingers tucking under your palm, thumb gently caressing the skin on your knuckles.

“Any time, angel. I would’ve been the world’s biggest douche if I had left you up here alone.” Letting your nail tap against the metal of the chain on Eddie’s chest, you smiled to yourself.

“Whatever your motivations were, I appreciate you being here for me, even if it did mean you missed most of the party.” The boy quietly chuckled, your hand moving as his chest shook.

“Worth it, for you.”

It was the last thing you heard before falling back to sleep, and when you woke up only a few hours later again at 7 am, it would’ve felt like a dream if it wasn’t for the fact that the first thing you saw upon cracking your eyes open was Eddie’s sleeping face. His bangs messy, the pillow wall you had constructed between the two of you being mostly broken down or flattened.

The room was still somewhat dark, as it was the middle of Winter, but the morning allowed for a muted blue shade to be cast across the room, letting shadows fall on Eddie’s face almost too perfectly. Your leg was raised, lying across the wall of pillows, and one of Eddie’s hands was tousled in your hair spread across the pillow, the boy using the crook of his arm as a headrest. Despite being hungover, exhausted, and still delirious, due to having only been awake for, at most, a minute or two, you let out a quiet, shaky breath.

“Fuck, man.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #stranger things #st4 #goth!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie brain rot #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic

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stepswordsen · 5 months ago

Text

【KagePro】 KuroEne/SaeEne 🖤💛💙

【カゲプロ】黒コノエネ/クロエネ/冴えエネ

My shadow wants to swallow up this dream of yours.

KuroEne was baby Sen's 1st ship that I was OBSESSED with as a 12 year old, and after 10 years, the KuroEne obsession is here to stay.

Snake x Bunny 🐍🐇

Ene's twintails look like bunny ears 💙

I came back to KagePro in April and got obsessed with Kuroha and KuroEne again, exactly as I predicted. Turns out I'm not immune when my meow meow mf gets handsy with my wife.

B*tches when Snake of Clearing Eyes. I'm b*tches! /lh

I first got into KagePro when I was 12 when I watched the Outer Science MV. Sidu's MV aesthetics and Kuroha's design drew me in immediately. Great design and song~

I'm obsessed with Meow meow mf charas. Black and white colour scheme and design aesthetics. Causes problems on purpose. Sen-core bastard cat. Smug chaotic edgy evil asshole character. Violent, unhinged, bloodthirsty and murderous. Arrogant with a huge ego that distances them from humanity (or social interactions).

All of my top fave masc charas are like this. There's literally no one with more obvious and predictable tastes than me LMAO 😭

Kuroha/Saeru, the embodiment of "Knowledge/Wisdom" as a dark evil cunning and malicious entity in KagePro, and the main source of conflict and tension in the plot, is so interesting to me.

With Ene, I'm very enamoured with her chara and design. The way the way she acts so cheery and self-centered in the hopes of Shintaro to open up more, how she wants to be someone else's friend to subside their loneliness, the same kind of loneliness she'd always felt back then… It also feels like over-compensation for her past regrets, wahh, Ene… ;_;

Rough sketch WIPs. I love their expressions here sm~ I started playing around with Gradient Maps cuz I love picking colours. My works tend to lean more saturated with high contrast, so I ended up going with a more saturated palette.

This shows my process for picking colours. The final one I ended up picking is the 1st one. It has a blue hue shift on Ene, red hue shift on Kuroha, and generally more saturated colours and higher contrast. The last one shows the colours I started with.

The more red + purple toned Kuroha has really nice visual contrast against Ene's cool colours (blues) in her design tbh~

I started off with a more muted palette (different from what I'm used to), but ended up going with more saturated colours cuz I think it fit the mood of the piece more. Though I think it'd still be fun to do both a Muted Colours and Saturated Colours version!

These doodles aren't refined, and just me roughly filling in the base colours on my sketches to get an idea of colours. Since Idk when I'll get to refine these drawings and clean up the sketch and lines

Shadow gate to love by Guilty Kiss is sooo Sen ship-core. It basically works for every Light/Darkness, Angel/Devil, and Narrative Opposites ship of mine. Oh baby shadow gay~ 🌈

KuroEne has such a unique context as a ship cuz it uses HaruTaka and KonoEne (my no. 2 KagePro ships), as a basis. Ene has a "special" relationship with the person that Saeru uses as his vessel.

KuroEne is like the equivalent of the evil sleep paralysis demon (in this case, evil sadistic parasitic snake) possessing past love (Haruka), or the person that you're conflicted about, but still have a certain kind of tenderness for (Konoha). Sadistic parasitic evil snake bf and computer virus gf

Ene already gets flustered around Konoha who is airheaded. So with Saeru, the teasing would just be merciless, cuz Ene is easy to rile up. ENE BELOVED…

I'll talk about the setting of my KuroEne AU. I'll put the rest of my rambles under the cut! I copy pasted these rambles from my side blog since it's pretty long.

KuroEne AU: Set-up

Source: KagePro LN: 7 - from the darkness - Colour Illustration Source: Sidu's Mekakushi Dan Members Colour Illustrations

Ok, I'm just gonna ramble about the setting of my KuroEne AU.

I also included a summary for context just in case my non-KagePro mutuals want to tune in to read these rambles.

I just wrote this quickly before I go to sleep. I have more to say but I think this is a good starter.

In official KagePro media, the present day plot starts after 2 years, on the fateful day of August 15th (Kagerou/Heat Haze) Day.

The Kagerou Daze, the never ending world, swallows up people who die on August 15th, and gives those with especially strong desires, who are compatible with an Eye Ability, a substitute life so that they can return to the real world.

In most Routes, Saeru ends up orchestrating Haruka and Takane's deaths. One thing you'll learn about KagePro is that this guy (Kuroha) is responsible for almost everything bad that happens

Because killing them so that they'd come out with an Eye Ability, is a part of his plan to get the rest of Azami's snakes out of the Kagerou Daze and into the real world.

Haruka's death leads to the creation of Konoha, and Takane's death causes her to lose her human body and become a cyber girl named Ene

There are multiple different ways that a KuroEne AU could go, depending on the Route. KuroEne AU Routes are so fun to write, because any time I get a new idea, I can just put into a different Route (timeline) to explore all the "What if" scenarios that don't fit into a single Route.

Kuroha's Plan and KonoEne

Source: @/x0401x

Mekakushi Dan Clear Files: (X)

Normally, the rest of the Mekakushi Dan members meet each other in the present day plot after 2 years, the fateful day of August 15th, the day Kuroha/Saeru plans to kill everyone.

Kuroha/Saeru's plan is to gather all the snakes with a new Medusa in the real world (bringing the rest of Azami's snakes out of the Kagerou Daze to the real world), and killing all Eye Ability users.

Then, he forces Marry, "the next Master," to rewind the world using the power of the Queen Snake, Combining Eyes.

In official media, Kuroha/Saeru usually possesses Konoha's body at the end of a Route on August 15th, the day he plans to proceed with the "Tragedy" and kill everyone.

I imagine that in my KuroEne AU, Kuroha/Saeru possesses Konoha's body MUCH earlier. Like, anywhere within the timespan after Takane and Haruka's deaths (1 - 2 years)

Because of this, Konoha and Ene usually end up meeting and befriending each other earlier. Ene recognizes Konoha as Haruka's game avatar from back then, and mistakes him for Haruka. Konoha asks if she has the wrong person, and Ene gets heartbroken at Konoha's seeming amnesia and inability to remember her.

Ene imposes a sense of distance around Konoha due to her conflicting feelings (he resembles the person she loved but isn't him).

In my AU, KonoEne establish a relationship dynamic of some kind (which varies depending on the Route), which either progresses to an acquaintance-ship, friendship, or intimate relationship.

Kuroha introduces himself to Ene for their first meeting in a Route

Source: Sidu's 2016 Calendar Hanafuda Set

And then, at some point, Kuroha/Saeru possesses Konoha's body. At this point, when he introduces himself and makes himself known to Ene for the first time, he can choose what information he wants to reveal, and how much.

For example, Kuroha can choose if he wants to introduce himself as Black Konoha, and/or "Saeru," or whether to reveal it for later. (And he also chooses whether he wants to reveal his true identity as the Snake of Clearing Eyes.)

Ene later nicknames him "Kuroha" and "Saeru" to shorten the name.

He knows that the 1st one would be more familiar to Ene. To introduce himself with the 2nd one would make Ene more distrusting/suspicious of him.

He most likely doesn't reveal his true intentions (to kill the Mekakushi Dan) so soon, because he knows that if he does, Ene is (obviously) not gonna want to "play the game" (of being intimate with him) anymore, cuz it means that he is literally putting her and her friends' lives in danger.

Though, across multiple Routes, he probably does play around and experiment with the timing of when he reveals certain information, and how much.

I think in most Routes, Ene is suspicious of him at first, and asks about his intentions and what he's really after, and Kuroha/Saeru just tells her that it's too early to say yet, and that she will find out soon.

(Though, Kuroha could probably quell her suspicions with enough convincing, due to the massive amount of knowledge he carries)

KuroEne AU: Context

Source: Mega Man Battle Network 6 (Rockman.exe 6)

In my KuroEne AU, Kuroha/Saeru, who has messed around with human technology and innovation, has been able to develop a humanoid android/robot body with human flesh that Ene can transfer into.

This concept is inspired by Mega Man Battle Network (Rockman.exe), specifically, the NetNavis (humans' companion AIs in this universe) from MMBN/EXE.

NetNavis can transfer into CopyBots (android bodies) for limited amounts of time, to move around in the real world. These CopyBots take the appearance of the NetNavi that transfer into it.

In my KuroEne AU, I imagine it's battery powered, but with every Route, he gets better and faster at making it. Like he improves the battery life over time, so it goes from lasting an hour to lasting a whole day, etc.

According to the KagePro LNs, Kuroha/Saeru has knowledge from everything from the start of civilization...

Shintaro in the KagePro LNs compares Saeru to "a living encyclopedia with a full grasp of everything from the start of civilization up to modern science."

That LN bit confirms that Kuroha/Saeru carries knowledge of the history of mankind and its technologies over (probably) millions or thousands of years.

Especially when scientists have made developments regarding wrapping living human-like skin onto a robot that can heal when cut.

If he carries knowledge from the start of civilization, so much knowledge that it's unfathomable to the average person, then yeah I definitely think he could get it done (especially for the sake of my AU).

KuroEne's Intimacy

Source: (X)

Scan: @/ayara-resara

Kuroha proposes that he has a solution for Ene not being able to move around in the real world, and introduces the little invention that he made, for her to test out, which Ene eventually agrees to, out of curiosity.

Ene feels a sense of gratefulness to him for allowing her to move around in the real world since it gets lonely in the cyber world, not being able to feel or touch anyone on the outside…

Kuroha gets to know and bonds with Ene, anywhere within this 1 - 2 year timespan, and at some point, Kuroha and Ene get intimate with each other.

Ene gives into the sense of longing/yearning that she feels for Kuroha/Saeru, a yearning for warmth and touch after being stuck alone in the cyber world for so long (in spite of everything - if she knows about his true identity at this point), which is in part caused by his vessel (being Konoha, who's in Haruka's body).

Kuroha knows how to react to her and what to say to her and how to act around her due to his knowledge, and so, seduces his S/O and tempts her with carnal pleasures, and they indulge in "the game/dance" of being intimate with each other.

Because Kuroha/Saeru keeps memories of previous Routes, he remembers memories of being with the Enes of previous Routes, and thus, knows how to react to her when talking/chatting with her normally, knows how to appease Ene's behaviours and whims, goes along with what she wants, knows how to get the responses he wants when he wants something from his partner (so he knows how to seduce them), and knows how to satisfy his partner in the context of intimacy.

Because of the knowledge he carries, he knows the context, past, Eye Abilities, vulnerabilities, etc., of every Mekakushi Dan member, and that includes Ene. So he'd definitely know about Haruka and Takane, and Konoha and Ene's context and relationship together.

The person who's her greatest enemy (whether she knows it at this point or not), very literally knows everything about her.

Kuroha's Nature

Source: COSPA - Tsumamare Series (Keychains and Rubber Strap Charms)

Not only does he weaponize Konoha's body by using Konoha's body as a murder weapon to kill everyone at the end of a Route, he weaponizes words, too. Kuroha/Saeru uses "knowledge" as an advantage over his partner, and weaponizes knowledge. Actually staggering advantage. Because he knows almost everything.

Kuroha ships are like the only time I have ships where one party in the ship has THIS much of an advantage over their partner.

Therefore, as I said before, Kuroha/Saeru ultimately has a power imbalance with his partner (any Mekakushi Dan member that he could be paired with).

He has an overwhelming advantage over his partner due to his role (set-up as an antagonist constantly killing the cast) and capabilities. It is ultimately in his favour.

That fact in itself, that the power imbalance exists, isn't inherently a bad thing, it just means that you NEED to tread carefully with portraying Kuroha's ships. I always make sure to depict my ships with as much care as possible, and as healthy as possible.

Ene is one of the characters who is a really good match with him. Because making Ene more assertive and dominant in the KuroEne ship, and making them take turns in leading intimacy, with having Kuroha letting Ene take control through their bedroom intimacy at times, helps alleviate this power imbalance slightly.

Kuroha is literally so fucked up dude cuz even his twisted form of affection that he holds for his S/O (the Mekakushi Dan member who he's paired with), is still in a twisted, selfish, self-serving way.

Due to his twisted nature, he embodies Koi (恋), "Selfish love," "loving someone for their own sake."

Even when he caters to his partner's pleasures, it still ultimately caters to his pleasures the most. That makes him interesting, though. Someone so inherently dark and twisted and sinister, with selfish desires like that… 🥰💖✨

Misc Rambles

So I imagine, in most KuroEne AU routes, he reveals his true intentions either approaching the fated day of August 15th, or right on the day of August 15th.

There's absolutely a sense of betrayal that Ene would feel following the reveal of his true intentions - he built up a relationship with her, on purpose, just to drop the worst possible scenario imaginable.

Like let's be real. The reveal of "I've been killing you and your friends throughout multiple Routes (timelines)" just sounds like a nightmarish scenario, especially if you've been fucking this guy, like come on. 😭

And something that would make Ene get especially pissed at him, is if he decides to reveal that he was responsible for orchestrating Haruka and Takane's deaths in the first place.

(In official media, Ene sees Konoha for the first time, on August 15th, 2 years after Haruka and Takane's deaths)

Though, there are probably KuroEne AU routes where Konoha and Ene don't get the chance to meet each other - Routes where Kuroha/Saeru possesses Konoha's body before the two can actually meet, so when Ene sees who she thinks is "Konoha" for the first time, it's actually Kuroha/Saeru. With this kind of setting, he could even pretend to be Konoha, if he wanted.

And then on August 15th, he proceeds with killing the Mekakushi Dan with sadistic glee (and even his S/O - though if he's feeling nice, then he can spare them, since he doesn't need to kill everyone), and forces Marry to rewind the world.

Thankfully, due to the nature of Ene's body and predicament, she won't feel physical pain when he kills her. And then, a new Route (timeline) begins.

Previous KuroEne Posts

In my new post (this one), I wrote more about the set-up of my KuroEne AU.

My old post has some more rambles regarding some general ideas of my KuroEne AU (since I didn't feel the need to copy paste the same stuff here too)

Shadow gate to love by Guilty Kiss

Source: (X)

These lyrics work so well for ships like LimGuda, XanLena, IdaTatsu, and KuroEne.

The song sung by the sub-unit, Guilty Kiss, in Love Live! Sunshine!! My favourite version of Shadow gate to love is this fan-edit that pitches down the song to match the original voice actors’ voices, compared to their characters’ voices (which are higher in pitch)

Shadow gate to love is sooo Sen ship-core. It basically works for every Light/Darkness, Angel/Devil, and Narrative Opposites ship of mine.

It’s my song to fall back on if I can’t think of any other songs for my ships. I think it fits these 4 the best, though.

Oh baby shadow gay~ 🌈

The lyrics of the song works for all of my meow meow mfs in general.

In KagePro, though, the mention of "Strong scented eyes" takes on another meaning cuz of the emphasis on EYES, particularly the Eye Abilities.

I also love the emphasis on the Light/Darkness aspect and seduction in the lyrics.

KuroEne: Kuroha seduces Ene by tempting her with carnal pleasures, and keeps the secrets of his plan to commit the Tragedy (killing the Mekakushi Dan on August 15th, Kagerou Day) hidden from her. He tells her "beautiful lies" in order to keep up his facade.

He decides to act tamer prior to the fated date of August 15th, catering to her desires and befriending and bonding her and spending time with her and actually getting to know her. They'd do soft and fluffy stuff like go to the amusement park together, play video games together, and eventually, get intimate with each other.

Due to his inherently dark and twisted nature, Kuroha/Saeru prioritizes his own desires and desire for immortality, and constantly keeps causing the Tragedy by killing the Mekakushi Dan, Marry's friends, forcing the time loop resets. He also believes that doing this allows him to be with his partner forever, because he can continue to come and meet them forever and ever.

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lighthouse-enjoyers-anonymous · 1 year ago

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Hi here’s a summary of what i hyperfixated on, obsessed over, etc in 2023

January: Succession (specifically Tom and Greg (and then N*ck Br*un))

February: Succession cont. I will never forgive N*ck Br*un for being gross and ruining my singular spark of creative energy that I was using to write a bomb tomgreg fic.

March: Succession cont., CAR SEAT HEADREST!

April: CAR SEAT HEADREST BUT MORE

May: It’s always sunny in Philadelphia (Charlie Day specifically. I started watching bc a guy I was interested in acted and looked like Charlie Kelly)

June: I discover that Charlie Day is in a fun little movie called pacific rim. I then force everyone I know to watch it even though it’s not great. I go on one date because I was promised that we could watch pacific rim. Yes even the shitty sequel.

July: more IASIP/PacRim/Charlie Day

August: CharMac as a ship (listen ao3 has some bangers in this department)

September: nothing specific. I was starting college so I didn’t have much brainpower to devote to silly little guys

October: Horror movies! I tried to watch one every day of the month. I love just making and using lists.

November: brief dive into FNAF, the hunger games. I am not immune to Josh Hutcherson, and maybe like one week of Saltburn

December: Nothing until after Christmas. I attempted to watch the Christmas episodes of my favorite shows but finals week hit and I couldn’t.

End of December: The Holdovers BABEYYYY I love Angus Tully! I’m sad Dominic Sessa isn’t in anything else, but this was a great debut film.

Predicted January: Movies. I have lists of movies from all of my friends that I need to watch. I love lists ‼️‼️‼️

Shit we can add music?

#hyperfixation summary #2023 wrapped #Spotify

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seb-writess · 3 years ago

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BOOKS I READ (APRIL 2022)

General thoughts of the books I read in April '22! I read 8 books in April (7 new and one reread). My top recommendations from this month are

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

All That's Left in the World by Erik J. Brown

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Find synopsis and reviews under the cut!

Perfect on Paper by Sophie Gonzales Contemporary, romance, LGBTQ+, High school

Summary: Darcy runs a business, where you can write to her anonymously and ask her for love and relationship advice, where she will e-mail you back. She has 99% success rate. Only when Alex one day finds out who she is and what she can do, he black mails Darcy into helping him win his girlfriend back. Darcy is busy figuring out her own love life with her best friend, Brooke, trying to keep her identity a secret, all while having a bisexual crisis.

Rating: 3/5

I always like Gonzales' analysis of sexuality, although sometimes I think it can fall flat in the sense it doesn't run too deep. It feels like I'm being talked at sometimes, rather than reading a discussion. Though her nuances in characters is entertaining and the way she writes discovering parts of themselves can feel spot-on. I also like the way she perceives different complications in relationships; I find it's always with a fresh take and sometimes a little too relatable (in a good way).

I didn't hate this book. I didn't like the main couple though (I was routing for them to get with other people) though I loved the discussion of bi erasure and how that can effect bisexuals coming to terms with that part of their identity, even though the discussion itself can feel a bit flat to me. I liked all the characters individually. It's a good story, especially if you enjoy Sex Education.

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon Contemporary, romance, LGBTQ+, High school

Summary: Sophie and Peter have been best friends since childhood. Inseparable. Both them and their families, but Peter has lived with a dysfunctional kidney since he was born. When Sophie finds she's a perfect donor match, it's a no-brainer what happens next. Except post-operation, Peter is now allowed to discover parts of himself he didn't realise he held, and those parts don't always align with Sophie's. Sophie expects them to grow ever closer, bonded by a whole organ. Peter is ready to find out who he is outside of his house, and outside of Sophie.

Rating: 4/5

This was a really interesting read. I loved the back and forth. Loved both characters. Loved the emotional turmoil from both of them as they go through not only the operation, but what it does to them mentally (together and as individuals). I kind of wanted it to go darker, go just that little bit deeper, but I also think it reflects on the characters Solomon built that it didn't. A really good deep-dive into a co-dependent relationship, and breaking out of that, also what happens when you stake all your claim on loving one person only.

(Reread) Autoboyography by Christina Lauren Contemporary, romance, LGBTQ+, High school

Summary: Bisexual Tanner Scott moves from Palo Alto, California to Provo, Utah, and Provo's heavily Mormon population isn't something to glance over. As a result, Tanner is forced back into the closet. He thinks this is fine; it's only until college. No one in Provo (besides his family), needs to know anyway. Until he immediately falls for Sebastian Brother. Smart, funny, intelligent, athletic. Mormon. And the pastor's son. Complicated with a capital C.

Rating: 5/5

When I say I'm obsessed with this book I mean I'm obsessed with this book. It was about this time I tested positive for Covid so what else was I going to do but reread all my favourites. I had only first read this book two weeks ago, but my need for a reread was too strong to pass. I love these characters. I love how deeply Christina and Lauren dive into their identities and the complications of being together in such a small and heavily religious town. I love how fleshed out all the characters are, not just Tanner and Sebastian. The chemistry between them is insane. The prose is incredible. It's so easy to pick up and so hard to put down. It has an incredibly bittersweet ending, but it was so satisfying. I've been recommending this book to anyone who will listen.

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun Contemporary, romance, LGBTQ+, Adult

Summary: Think The Bachelor. But make it gay. That's what happens when lead contestant Charlie begins to grow closer to his handler and producer of the show, Dev. Likewise, Dev begins to find it hard to find the balance between work and keeping a professional distance. And that distance shrinks very quickly.

Rating: 3.5/5

I think I'd give this a higher rating if I read it again, but it just felt so fast paced I couldn't keep up at times. But this book has some incredibly good parts, and Cochrun does an amazing job of making characters that are so easy to love. The depiction and discussion of mental illness and the ways in which it appears in different people is incredible, and doesn't feel forced at all. It's very entertaining overall, but there were some scenes I found hard to get through. Although I liked the ending itself, I didn't quite enjoy how it got there. (Minor spoiler warning ahead) I'm never a fan of big, impassioned speeches in front of a crowd at the end of a story; it's just not my thing. I felt it was necessary in this scenario, but I didn't enjoy it anymore than it wanted me to.

My Favourite Half-Night Stand by Christina Lauren Contemporary, romance, Adult

Summary: Millie Morris has always been one of the boys, and her four best friends love her like one of their own. But she's always had more of an attachment to Reid than to anyone else, and this attachment comes to a head one night when they take their friendship further and sleep together. This might not have complicated things so much, if Millie wasn't about to start talking to Reid through a dating app under an alias. Now Reid is falling for (who he thinks) are two different women, and Millie is having a hard time pushing him to fall for the right one of them.

Rating: 2.75/5

Meh. I have nothing more to say about this book. It wasn't terrible. It wasn't great. I think it hit on some good points about finding the right people to trust to open yourself up to, and definitely hit the complications of online dating. I think there might have been too many characters. If it had been a four person group total, or even three, the other characters would have come out more well-rounded (Alex got no development at all, and the book would have been the same without him; even though I really liked him). It's a cute story, and that's about it.

Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron Fantasy, romance, LGBTQ+

Summary: Cinderella is dead, and she has been for 200 years, but what she's left behind is a society run by men, where a woman's value is based on if she's chosen at the annual ball. If she's not, it means worse than death for not only her, but her whole family. Sophia is, rightfully, pissed. She hates the system, hate what's expected of her, and hates she can't be with who she chooses. So what if she followed in Cinderella's footsteps, and ran away from the Annual Ball, not even leaving a slipper in her wake?

Rating: 2/5

I wanted to like this book so badly, but it bored me to tears and I had the worse time trying to finish it. I didn't like Sophia, who as the main character, makes the book that much harder to get through. The concept is so interesting and the twist the world has put on the tale of Cinderella and how that feeds into propaganda had such potential. I liked Constance, the main love interest. I don't mind that the ending was so cliche, (I like cliche and it still had enough twists to keep me semi-interested), but it felt both rushed and too slow at the same time. I'm still interested in reading Bayron's other works, but I'm no longer in a rush to do so.

All That's Left in the World by Erik J. Brown Contemporary, LGBTQ+, Post-apocalyptic, science fiction

Summary: There was covid. And then there was this. A plague has descimated the world's population, leaving only a few survivors behind, Andrew being one of them. Except he's that much closer to being one of the unlucky ones when he steps in a bear-trap that he himself set weeks prior. With a broken and infected leg, he stumbles upon Jamie, out in the woods, alone in his cabin, and pointing a gun at Andrew's face. But these two have a lot in common, the biggest thing being: being alone any longer is scarier than facing death.

Rating: 4/5

Incredible! Astounding! I'm addicted!! Firstly, please read this book for the confession scene alone. I've never scene such a great and nuanced depiction of opposites attract. It's scary in all the right places, happy when it needs to be, the chemistry built between Andrew and Jamie is so natural; it's beautiful. I like it's not zombies, it's a real world illness, which obviously due to current events, makes it so much more relatable. The peak into the human psyche and what one is willing to do to protect themselves vs. protect those they care about feels so real. It's has a snappy pace, not staying in one place for long, keeping you interested and intrigued, always wondering where it will go next, and who you can trust along the way. The ending is satisfying, and leaves it open for a sequel, which I'm crossing my fingers Brown gets the chance to write!

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell Contemporary, fiction

TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic depictions of child abuse, sexual assault, emotional abuse and suicide

Summary: At fifteen years old, Vanessa Wye becomes addicted to one thing and one thing only; the attention of her teacher Jacob Strane. And Strane seems far too eager to give it. Seventeen years later and Vanessa is struggling to find herself outside of him, and more importantly, how what he did shaped herself and her life.

Rating: 4.5/5

This is a dark read, but a fantastic one at that. The prose is elegant, accurate, addicting and terrifying all at once. It fills with you a deep sadness, regret and anger at the same time. The ending frustrated me, and I know in that way it's meant to be realistic. There's not always justice in these stories, and there is ever rarer a happy ending. It made me scream in anger over some pages and cry over others. If you can stomach it, it's a beautifully insightful book into a sexual-abuse victim's telling from one journey to the next.

#perfect on paper #sophie gonzales #our year of maybe #rachel lynn solomon #autoboyography #christina lauren #my favorite half night stand #the charm offensive #alison cochrun #cinderella is dead #kalynn bayron #all that's left in the world #erik j brown #my dark vanessa #kate elizabeth russell

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deancasbigbang · 3 years ago

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Title: Fan Behaviour

Author: Sheha Sidek

Artist: Scarlett Dixon

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Castiel / Dean Winchester Castiel / April Kelly (Minor) Castiel / Arthur Ketch (Minor) Dean Winchester / Lisa Braeden (Minor) Dean Winchester / Mick Davies (Minor)

Length: 20000

Warnings: Underage, Stalking, Harassment, Obsession,

Tags: Teen!DeanCas, Cas and Dean separated, Lovers to Strangers to Lovers, Pining,

Posting Date: October 26, 2021

Summary: Popular Novelist meets Tabloid Journalist. Dean Winchester loves digging up dirt on the rich and famous. So what if that person was an ex-boyfriend who left him ten years ago without a word? It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and Dean’s willing to do whatever it takes to get Castiel Novak to crack. All he needed to do was to keep his head on his shoulders and not fall for those damn blue eyes again. Castiel Novak has been through some shit in his life. Family drama. Separation from wife. Crazy stalker fans sending crap to his home address for no reason. And now his damn ex-boyfriend has turned up out of the blue in some obnoxious French restaurant at Sunset Boulevard. Cas knows Dean wants some kind of emotional payback for the hurt and humiliation he had to endure. Cas doesn’t mind. All that bluster, snide remarks and dark looks shot his way? That ain’t hate. That’s just fan behaviour.

Excerpt: “Relax. It’s not like I haven’t seen yours before,” Dean said with a dark chuckle. Cas cursed under his breath and tried to finish his business as quickly as humanly possible. Of course Dean had to choose the urinal right next to him, unzipping his jeans then grunting a little as he peed noisily against the white porcelain. “Fuck,” Cas whispered under his breath, shook himself dry, and quickly tucked himself into his pants. “Gotta wash those hands with soap, my friend. Don’t want your girlfriend to think you’re not big on hygiene, do you?” “She’s not my girlfriend,” Cas said in a temper, making a huge show of lathering his hands with soap, scrubbing them vigorously. Their eyes met in the mirror as Dean approached the sink to wash his own hands. “I don’t appreciate you making these insinuations, Dean. You may be used to scraping the bottom of the gossip barrel for your trashy newspaper - but I assure you, if you’re thinking of provoking some kind of reaction from me, you’d fail miserably. Dean snorted as he rinsed the lather off his hands. “Calm the fuck down, sweetheart. You're not as interesting as you think you are. Mick just wants to run a story with your actor bestie out there, so how about we remain civil until then, huh?” Cas felt himself flush red. Dammit. \*\*\* Dean didn’t know why he pushed Cas that hard. Perhaps it’s the long-standing grudge he had against his once-boyfriend, but damn if Cas hadn’t grown some fangs since Dean last saw him. The Castiel Dean knew was soft-spoken, almost shy, and gentle. This… this was something else. To Dean’s dismay, he found that he liked this new part of Cas that doesn’t take shit from anyone - not even from Dean. “I know how to handle myself, Dean, thank you very much,” Cas snarked, “I wish I could say the same for you as well.” “Hey, it was a surprise to see an old boyfriend popping up out of nowhere. It would have been nice to get a heads up years ago - before he dumped me and just fucked off into the sunset with a wife, but… no biggie right?” Dean said airily as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror, trying to fix his already immaculate hair. Cas looked so angry, running his hands through his hair multiple times till he resembled a very irate hedgehog. “I did not dump you,” Cas gritted out, his voice dangerously quiet. Dean looked surprised for a few moments, looking over his shoulder to face Cas directly since the night began. “Say whatever you want, Dean, or think whatever you want of me - but you can’t say that I left you. I was forced to return to DC, and when I went back to look for you, you were gone. No one knew where you went. I looked everywhere. Asked everyone. You were just… gone.”

DCBB 2021 Posting Schedule

#dcbb 2021 #fic preview #2021 promo #deancas #destiel

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nerdzzone · 3 years ago

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Only For A Moment: November [part two]

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

18+

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: October + November [part one]

Note: Life is very hectic at the moment so this was edited quite quickly. I think I caught all the mistakes, but I’m sorry if there’s any accidentally left in.

______

The photo shoot the next day went amazingly well. After being out of work for almost ten months, it took me a little while to get back into the swing of it, but I hit my stride quickly once I'd settled in. It helped that I was working with people who made my job almost effortless. Sebastian and Anthony had such good chemistry and were so good at what they do that we got through the day with no hiccups and I had more than enough photos to give Marvel what they'd asked for ten times over.

When I got back to the hotel room, I was in a great mood and it was made even better by the surprise for Chris that I had with me.

"Chris?" I called out as I walked into our large suite. "I'm back!"

He lifted an arm to wave from where he was sitting on the couch, his attention still fixed on the football game that was on the TV.

"How was the shoot?" He asked. "How are Mackie and Seb?"

I smiled, knowing he was about to be very excited as I answered him.

"Why don't you ask them yourself?"

That question got his attention and his head shot around to see what I was talking about. As his eyes landed on the two men standing behind me, a grin burst onto his face.

"No way!" He laughed as he leapt up to join us. "Hey, guys!"

All of us - Chris included - had been tested several times over the last few days to make sure that we were all virus free. There was obviously a small chance that one of us could have picked it up some time after one of the many negative results, but I was fairly confident that was pretty unlikely as we'd all been as careful as possible so I'd invited them over for a few drinks. Our hotel room was big enough for us to all keep our distance anyway and I knew that Chris would appreciate the chance to catch up with his friends.

They both greeted Chris before Anthony looked around the room.

"This place is nice!" He observed. "Marvel must love you, you could fit my room in here at least three times!"

"It's not Marvel who loves me," I smirked. "It's Chris - he upgraded our room."

There was a goofy grin on Chris' face as our two guests 'aww'd' in tandem.

"That was too cheesy," Anthony teased. "But man, don't you love me too? Where's my upgrade?"

"I'll get you next time," Chris laughed. "But to be honest, I thought you'd be staying with Sebastian now that you two are a power couple."

Sebastian snorted out a laugh, but Anthony nodded his head.

"I know, man! That's what I said, but Sebastian still won't tell me where he lives!"

"Because you're so obsessed with my couch that I'm worried you'll steal it!"

"Shouldn't buy yourself a five thousand dollar couch if you don't want people to talk about it," Anthony joked, making Sebastian roll his eyes.

"It didn't cost anywhere near that much money. You've never even seen it, I don't know where you got all these ideas from."

"When are you two getting married?" I interrupted with a smirk on my face as they both turned to look at me, their confusion clear. "Sorry, you've just been bickering like an old married couple all day. I was wondering when you were going to make it official."

"That's what we should be asking you two!" Anthony turned it around. "When did this happen anyway?"

"April," Chris answered, sliding his arm around my waist to pull me close. "After a month trapped in a house with me with no other options, she was finally desperate enough to give me a chance."

"That is not what happened," I laughed. "It was more just the fact that being trapped in a house together made us finally have some tough conversations that we'd never had the guts to have before."

"Well, I'm happy for you," Anthony grinned. "And some people owe me some money because I knew you'd get together eventually."

"Wait, you were betting on us?" Chris asked. "With who?"

"Not me," Sebastian was quick to interject, but Anthony just shrugged.

"There was a bunch of us in on it," he admitted. "Downey, Pratt, Renner, Hemsworth, Paul Rudd, Lizzie Olsen, and I think even the Russos. Someone was keeping track of it, I'll have to make some phone calls."

"I don't even want to hear about this," I laughed, shaking my head. I wasn't at all surprised, they were a tight crew and there was plenty of downtime on set for them to get up to all kinds of antics, but I had no desire to hear who was betting on our situation. "So, shall we have some drinks? What does everyone want? I figured we could just order from room service."

After a brief discussion on the matter, we ordered several beers for the men and a bottle of wine for me. It arrived with impressive speed - no doubt a perk of being with a group of celebrities in a penthouse suite - and we all settled around the living room, trying our best to keep some distance between us.

We chatted and caught up, discussing what we'd done to keep ourselves busy through lockdown and when things might start to be more normal - the usual pandemic conversations. The boys were just delving into some sports discussions that were totally lost on me when I received a message from Lisa saying that Grayson was having a bit of a moment and asked if I was able to call. It broke my heart to think of him missing us so I excused myself and did as she asked.

He was crying when she passed him the phone and I felt awful, immediately filled with guilt that we’d selfishly decided to stay in New York for the whole weekend. We would have arrived home quite late if we left right after the shoot, but as I couldn't remember the last time that he’d stayed overnight with someone other than Chris or I, it suddenly seemed cruel to have left him for so long.

He was in bed already, but unable to fall asleep so I chatted with him for a bit before singing him the lullaby that I'd been singing to him since he was born. It worked like a charm and once he was out, Lisa took the phone back.

"Is he doing okay?" I asked, fighting back tears of my own. "Has he been like this all day?"

"No, no, of course not!" She assured me. "He's been totally fine, we've had a great time. He just got a bit weepy as I was tucking him in."

"I'm glad he's been having fun," I sniffled. "I hate to think of him being upset."

"He's just fine, sweetheart," she insisted. "This will be good for all of you. It's good for him to get used to being away from you two and it must be nice for you two to have a break."

"It is," I admitted. "It just feels selfish when he's upset like that."

"Well, sometimes even us moms need to be a little selfish," Lisa laughed. "And selfishly on my part, it's been wonderful having him here."

I smiled, knowing she had been quite excited about their little sleepover.

"We really appreciate you taking him."

"It's absolutely my pleasure. Now, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing and I will see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Lisa. I'll message you when we're heading out so you know when to expect us."

She assured me that they'd be home whenever we arrived and we said our goodbyes before I headed back out to the living room.

"Everything okay?" Chris asked as soon as I sat down.

"Yeah, for the most part," I sighed. "Grayson just got a bit upset at bedtime, I guess. He was crying and wanted to talk to me, but he's fine now."

Sensing I was feeling a bit emotional about it, Chris reached out and squeezed my hand as Anthony spoke.

"I was hoping you'd bring the little man with you. How's he doing?"

I smiled as a grin burst onto Chris' face. He went into a long, somewhat boastful explanation of just how good Grayson was doing, informing them of his extensive dinosaur knowledge and his impressive skills on his bike. It was heartwarming to hear the pride in his voice as he spoke and it was even nicer to see Sebastian and Anthony's genuine interest in hearing about him.

"They grow so damn fast, don't they?" Anthony commented. "One day they can hardly move and then suddenly they're practically BMX champions."

"Oh, no," I shook my head. "It took a good five months for me to allow him to take his training wheels off. He won't be BMX-ing any time soon."

"Well, I hear things are always scarier with the first one," Sebastian pointed out. "Maybe your next one can be the extreme sports star."

"Yeah, that's a good point," Anthony agreed. "When are you having another?"

I tossed back my last sip of wine before letting out a laugh at that question and side-eyeing Chris as I poured myself another glass.

"Did Chris pay you to ask me that?"

"No!" Anthony laughed. "But it's been, what? Four years? Seems like it's about time for another."

Chris snickered as he took a swig from the bottle of beer he was drinking, clearly feeling validated by Anthony's comments, but I just shook my head.

"We've been together for less than a year," I reminded them. "That's hardly long enough to start thinking about another baby."

"Sure, it is," Anthony shrugged. "Maybe not if the relationship is brand new, but you already have one kid, what's the harm in throwing another in the mix?"

"And we already know that we can work together as parents through complicated situations."

I shot Chris a look after his interjection because I really didn't think his friends needed to be involved in a discussion like this, but Sebastian chimed in as the voice of reason.

"It's more complicated than that though, isn't it?" He asked. "Babies are stressful and can ruin a relationship if you're not ready for it."

"Exactly! Thank you, Seb."

"What does he know?" Anthony teased. "He's never had a baby."

I rolled my eyes as I sipped my drink, trying to ignore Chris' smug face.

"If you're such a big fan of the idea, Anthony, why don't you have more kids?"

"More? I already have four!" He laughed. "That's more than enough. Hell, after being in lockdown with them, you could have one of mine if you're not ready to have another of your own."

"I think we're good with one right now," I insisted with a smile. "At least until we see where this whole pandemic thing ends."

"Alright, alright, that's fair," Anthony relented. "But just remember when the time comes, Anthony is a solid name. Or even Antonia for a girl."

"Actually," I smirked. "I do quite like the name Sebastian."

Sebastian barked out a laugh over Anthony's protests as Chris came up with a compromise.

"Sebastian Anthony Evans?" He suggested.

"Can you imagine?" I giggled. "Your fans would lose their minds. You'd have to raise him together, you could make a reality show out of it."

"That's a money making opportunity right there," Anthony grinned. "You just let me know when you need me to show up."

"As entertaining as that sounds, it won't be any time soon," I insisted before changing the subject. "What about you, Sebastian? How's your love life going? Any babies on the horizon?"

His cheeks instantly tinged pink at the attention being flipped onto him as he answered the question and Anthony’s teasing shifted to him.

About an hour later, after our guests left, I found myself stretched out on the couch with my head in Chris' lap as he ran his fingers through my hair. It felt so good that I was resisting the urge to purr like a happy cat when Chris distracted me with a question.

"How was the shoot?" He asked. "I just realized that I never got an answer."

"It was great," I smiled up at him. "It felt weird at first after being away for so long, but Sebastian and Anthony are such goofs. It helped me relax and get back into it."

I felt his body shake as he chuckled, no doubt knowing his friends well enough to imagine the antics they got up to.

"I'm glad it went well. Maybe now there's more projects starting up, you'll start getting more job offers again and you won't have to go so long without doing it."

"Oh, I've had plenty of job offers," I admitted. "But most of them I'd have to travel for or they just seem too risky."

Chris was clearly surprised by that confession as I hadn't mentioned any of the proposals I'd received to him, but it didn't seem important when I'd never even considered taking any of the jobs.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" He asked. "We could have worked something out and made it happen."

"Because I didn't want to accept any of the offers," I assured him. "I don't feel super comfortable flying around the country right now and most of them had pretty half-assed safety protocols in place. This was the first one that was close by and had a clear and thorough safety plan. Marvel wanted me for Wandavision too, but I would’ve had to go to L.A. and I didn't feel great about that."

Chris frowned, his fingers pausing momentarily in my hair as he mulled over my answer.

"I get it, that's solid reasoning," he nodded. "But I'm sorry you've had to make decisions like that. I know you love what you do."

"So do you," I shrugged. "So do a lot of people who are currently out of work. I've got it pretty good, I try to focus on that."

"Sure, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to miss things too," Chris insisted before letting out a sigh. "Do you ever worry that things won't ever get back to normal?"

As I looked up at him and saw the melancholy look on his face, I felt a wave of vulnerability wash over me.

"Not really," I admitted. "I worry more about what will happen when they do..."

"Oh?" Chris raised an eyebrow. "How come?"

"Well, don't get me wrong, I don't want anyone to get sick anymore and I don't want any more people to die. I want to see my family again and meet my nephew and I want Grayson to be able to go to school and make friends," I prefaced my statement. "But for us, it's been really nice. We've been able to figure each other out and build our relationship without anything else interfering and I just worry that when things go back to normal, it won't work."

The hurt that flashed across Chris' face made my chest tighten. I hadn't meant to upset him, but it was foolish of me to think that my doubts wouldn't be hard to hear.

"You don't think we'll stay together when the lockdowns are all done?"

"No, that's not what I meant!"

"Well, that's what you said..."

"I said it was something I worry about," I clarified. "And I do. It'll be a lot harder when we're both working again."

"It's one thing to think it'll be harder," Chris scowled. "It's another to think we can't make it work. Are you planning on running at the first sign of trouble?"

Feeling the panic bubbling inside me, I pulled my head out of Chris' lap and sat up so I was facing him. I did want to run away in that moment - his harsh tone hurting my feelings and making my defences bubble to the surface - but I reminded myself of how avoiding our problems had worked for us in the past and tried to stay calm and explain myself.

"I'm not going to run away, Chris," I assured him. "And I don't really appreciate the way you're speaking to me right now. You asked a question and I explained my feelings, but instead of wanting to talk through that, you're immediately getting upset. I'm allowed to have concerns and all you're doing right now is making them worse."

Despite my frustrations, I kept my voice calm as I spoke and it seemed to have the desired effect as the tension in Chris' body eased slightly.

"Sorry, you're right," he sighed. "I just thought we've been doing so well, I'm surprised that you still have doubts."

"We're just living in such a bubble right now," I pointed out. "When everything goes back to normal and we're both back at work more, we'll be so busy. Balancing that with making sure Grayson gets enough of our attention, it might not leave much time for us and that would strain any relationship."

"It'll be more of a challenge than it is now," Chris agreed, his words spoken cautiously as if they were carefully chosen. "But most parents struggle with balancing their relationship with time spent with their kids. We'll just have to make the effort."

"But we have more to cope with than most parents."

He looked skeptical of that claim.

"How so?"

"Well, you'll be away a lot once you start filming things again," I reminded him, knowing that his next project had plans to film in L.A. and Europe. "And you'll be surrounded by beautiful, smart, talented women who I pale in comparison to."

"That’s not true, but regardless, I won't even look at them twice." His voice was firm and for a moment I worried that he was annoyed again, but as he took my hand in his and lifted his eyes to meet mine, he just seemed sincere. "I love you, Whitney. I only want to be with you."

"I know, I do, I know that. I love you too and I trust you, but I guess it just still feels like you being in love with me is too good to be true."

"I don't think that you do know," Chris insisted. "I'm completely committed to you. I know it's only been a few months, but it's been some of the best months of my life. What we've been doing - you, me and Grayson just hangin’ out and being a family - it's what I've been dreaming of since he was born, it's what I've always wanted. I can't imagine a future without you in it, I don't even want to think about it. I love you and I love the life we're building together."

I felt my eyes grow glassy as he spoke, my heart melting at his words.

"Wow," I murmured quietly. It was a lame response to such heartfelt words, but I was trying to process everything he’d said and, after a moment of staring into his beautiful eyes, I choked out a laugh. "That almost sounded like a proposal."

Chris chuckled and nodded his head.

"I know. Even I wondered where I was going with that for a minute there," he admitted. "It wasn't, but it's all true. I'm in this for as long as you'll have me."

He lifted my hand up to place a kiss on my knuckles and I suddenly felt ridiculous for having any doubts.

"I feel the same," I assured him. "I really do. I don't want you to think that I'm not as invested in this as you are. I just like how things are now and thinking about it changing scares me."

"It'll be different, but we can make it work."

I smiled and crawled into his laps, letting my knees rest on either side of his thighs.

"I guess I've just been spoiled these last few months," I mused, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. "I don't want to share you with the world, I want you all to myself."

Chris chuckled as our foreheads rested against each other.

"You really are clingy," he teased. "I always thought I'd be the needy one in this relationship."

"Shut up," I giggled, pressing our lips briefly together again. "And for the record, all those sweet, wonderful things you just said aren't getting you any closer to convincing me we should have another baby yet."

Chris' head fell backwards as a laugh burst from his chest.

"Alright, alright, well, it was worth a shot," he smirked. "But seriously, that's how confident I am in us. It wouldn’t even scare me if we did because I know we can handle it."

I smiled even though I probably didn't share quite that much confidence in our future. I wouldn't bet against us, but I wasn't ready to bring a baby into a situation that might not be such smooth sailing in a few months.

"We have to think about Grayson too though," I pointed out. "He's had a lot to deal with the last few months, a lot of big changes. Throwing a sibling at him on top of everything else might be a little bit cruel."

"That's true," Chris relented, looking a bit defeated for a moment until a smile slid onto his face. "He'll be such a good big brother though. He'll be so excited to teach him everything he knows."

"Him?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. "We're going to have another boy, are we?"

"Him or her," Chris shrugged. "I'd be happy either way."

I couldn't help, but smile at his enthusiasm. It was a nice thought even if it was clearly a more distant fantasy for me than it was for Chris.

"One day," I assured him. "I love you, Chris."

"I love you too."

With a strength that never ceased to amaze me, he then stood from the couch, lifting me up with him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, giggling at the impressive feat as he carried me to our bedroom where we spent the rest of the night showing some physical appreciation and love for each other.

December

Tags: @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @firoozehmoon @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @chvntelle-99 @mjey12

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fic #chris evans fluff #once bitten/more hearts #only for a moment

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robin-josephette-biden · 3 years ago

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A Statement Through Horror: BDG and YouTube

In his video announcing his departure from Polygon Bryan David Gilbert [BDG] stated, “I want to make things that one day people will make a show like unraveled about.” [Paraphrasing here]. Since that announcement he has made some of the most interesting and engaging comedy videos on the platform. On Bryan’s channel, there is a section called “bdg’s scaries” that contains three videos. The first how to make jorts was released April 27, 2019 and will not be part of this analysis, as we are focused on the other two videos. These two videos are Earn $20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss which was released on October 25, 2020 (two months before his final Unraveled video and departure from Polygon) and Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97 which was posted March 3, 2021. If you have not seen these videos yet you should stop reading immediately and go watch them both (honestly everything on his channel is amazing, especially the surprisingly compelling and personal Dances Moving! series) before continuing to read this as I will be spoiling both of them. The position of YouTube celebrity has been the source of a good bit of commentary as short form online media has become more and more central in our culture. Bryan has created two videos that I feel do an excellent job of exploring the relationship between youtuber and audience. I should also point out that this is merely my interpretation of these videos and is in no way BDG’s intended message. I’ll start by going over the first video. Earn $20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss opens with BDG outside an apartment building, standing in front of a black car. BDG points up at one of the windows and says, “Three years ago I was living in that apartment right there. Third floor, leaky windows, cockroaches, the worst.” I do not know if the real life BDG actually lived in that building, but the 3 years timeframe does line up neatly with his beginning to work at Polygon. BDG continues to bad mouth his old apartment and mentions how he has turned it all around stating, “But just last week I paid off my very first Subaru Impreza. And I own my own house in Nebraska.” This radical change in life-style he credits to, “. . . [working] from home, [making] my own hours, and [being] my own boss. And you can do it too.” I think that it is interesting that BDG’s career up to that point mirrors that of his character, going from newly graduated content creator making small videos in his apartment to one of the most popular creators on Polygon. And all that being accomplished through work that many (rightly or wrongly) would not see as fitting into the mold of the traditional 9 to 5. The idea of making millions working from home, at your own pace, and with no boss is intrinsically tied to the mystique of the YouTube celebrity. Moving into BDG’s office he explains that he makes $20k a month working on spreadsheets. A massive spreadsheet appears behind him that is dated, 01.12.88 (nothing of note happened on January 12, 1988 and the only thing that happened on December 1, 1988 is a large cyclone that struck Bangladesh, January 12, 1888 is the day of the Schoolhouse Blizzard which struck the midwestern US and killed 235 people (remember this for later)) and is filled, seemingly randomly, with garbled nonsense symbols. Many of the cells are the same as other cells and there are empty cells scattered haphazardly throughout the spreadsheet. BDG explains that he got this strategy from Dorian Smiles. In exchange for working on these spreadsheets BDG receives $10k - $20k a month (an amount that lines up pretty damn well with the amount he should be getting through his Patreon page currently, I don’t know if this was true when the video was made though) from Dorian. Wanting to know where the money is coming from BDG asks his bank and they explain that he is wiring the money to himself from another account he has. He grows confused as to the nature of this work and the disproportionately large amount of money it brings in, explicitly mentioning his confusion as to how the money is coming from someone with, “. . . my name and my voice.” and sets about to find and confront Dorian Smiles. BDG sets off for Center Nebraska, which is close to where Dorian lives (a small town in the northeast corner of Nebraska). He states that Dorian’s address hasn’t existed since 1888 (that’s a familiar year isn’t it?) when it was supposedly condemned during an enormous blizzard and is, “. . . just woods now.” The video then transitions to BDG walking through dark woods while his narration talking up the Dorian Smiles program continues becoming increasingly broken. He comes across a figure sitting in the woods that is convulsing strangely, when he calls out to it the figure turns and is him (heretofore named Dorian). Dorian slowly puts his hands over his nose and mouth while staring at BDG at which point the narration cuts out. BDG copies Dorian and when Dorian removes his hands in a flourish, BDG does the same to reveal that he no longer has a mouth. The video quickly cuts back to BDG in his office talking about the program, he asks the viewer, “Why don’t you join me?” and then sits back and smiles while that line repeats without him moving his mouth. The most pressing mystery is who Dorian Smiles is. I think the most likely answer (and one I know I am not the progenitor of) is that Dorian is a reference to The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, the story of a young man that has a portrait that ages and takes on the ravages of the debauched life its subject lives while Dorian himself does not. BDG would therefore be the unwitting recipient of that blessing, reaping massive rewards while his double, Dorian, lives in poverty and solitude. I like this explanation for Dorian, but I find it to be far more mechanical than thematic. On a metatextual level you could read that Dorian represents the character of BDG. The person that is in all of BDG’s videos, and the one with whom so much of the audience forms a parasocial relationship. In this lens the parallels with BDG’s own life make more sense. By this point in BDG’s career it is not difficult to imagine him feeling stifled creatively at work (I feel comfortable saying this given how soon after this video came out that he departed Polygon). His character had grown too large, potentially becoming alien to him, no longer reflecting the art he wanted to make and so he made a video about a distorted version of himself stealing his voice. In this way the video becomes a statement on his artistic integrity and his desire to test new boundaries and go in different directions. In hindsight, with the knowledge of his departure and then success after leaving Polygon, the video becomes almost heartwarming (if it weren’t terrifying) in the same way that a before and after picture of someone improving themselves can be. We will return to the Dorian Smiles system, but now we must move to the second video, Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97. I’ll save you the blow by blow breakdown and aim for a quick summary instead. This video is a simple stationary shot of an old CRT tv. A VHS tape is inserted and a video of a man teaching his, evidently young, son how to use a camcorder plays. It is relatively wholesome and corny in that way that all home movies are and when it ends the tape rewinds and the segment plays again, this time with a few deviations. Over replays the father becomes aware of what is happening and begins trying to reason with Jake through the camcorder begging him to stop watching the tape and move on. The father is menaced by a large shadowy figure that does not speak or move when confronted. Eventually the father resorts to simply taking the camera and recording his own screams of pain. On the final rewind the father simply says, “Attaboy.” before calmly walking out the room and into the dark hallway, a doorway opens at the other end, filled with orange light, and the father walks through and down stairs. The final shot of the video is of the television, showing the hallway, as orange light begins to flicker in the background of the left side of the TV. The sound of the father descending the stairs transitions from the TV to diegetic and a shadow appears briefly in the light. On one level the video is clearly a statement about loss and about trauma. Jake is losing himself by watching these videos on repeat, trying in vain to relive a happier time. In that desperate desire to regain what was lost he is distorting it, making it into something it isn’t, hurting it. At the beginning the father says, “Never ever press the rewind button, otherwise you might record over a precious memory. We always keep the recording going forward . . .“ I think there is an additional, and more personal for BDG, reading however. The father is the modern character of BDG, and we, the audience, are Jake. He is pleading with us to leave the past behind and move on. This was only his 3rd video that he posted after leaving Polygon. It is a plea from him to leave the old character behind and stop trying to make one into the other. To stop obsessively comparing the new videos to the old. To let the future be the future and let the past be the past. He is telling us that his new work will not be like the old, that he has progressed past that and that now his viewers need to as well. The detachment and confusion of Earn $20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss has transformed into a desire to move forward. But he needed to ensure that his audience was ready to come with him, and so he made a video about loss and the dangers of sinking too far into it. I know that there are some of you that feel I am reading too much of what I assume to be BDG’s thoughts and emotions into these interpretations, and I am the first to admit that I might be. In no way am I trying to say these are the only interpretations of these videos or even that they are correct. I think there is so much more of an artist that they put into their work than they realise. I do not know the mind of BDG, only he does, but these videos made me feel that I had a glimpse into the feelings of a man whose work I admire. These videos are either longer or a drastically different tone to the material he has put on his own channel and as such they stood out to me. They felt different, and they seemed to ask for a different level of scrutiny. On some level maybe BDGs videos can not be divorced from the story of BDG as a content creator, the same as any modern internet semi-celebrity, or indeed any artist. I guess there was also a part of me that wanted to answer the call to action I heard when BDG left Polygon, to unravel his work. I hope in some small way I’ve been able to do that.

#bdg #brian david gilbert #analysis #youtube #scary #When the dad screams towards the end of Teaching Jake I felt that in my soul.

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chimpoozle · 2 years ago

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The time I bought Japanese TV Guide for info on Crayon Shin-chan ep 93

In 2018, episode 93 of Crayon Shin-chan (which aired April 18th, 1994) was still 100% lost. Not a single frame of the episode existed on the internet, nor were there any descriptions or summaries to be found for its 3 episode segments even on long-running and thorough Japanese fan sites. It was unreleased on home video\dvd, did not re-air on TV, was missing from every foreign dub, and (unlike its fellow lost episode 321) had never been uploaded to youtube from some old VHS tape. The only details known to fans were that, based on the title of the first episode segment, segment 1 was almost certainly adapted from a chapter in volume 8 of the manga. Segment 2 was unknown, and segment 3 was likely a preview of the 1994 Shin-chan theatrical movie on the verge of release that year.

I began searching for this episode in 2009 and it became an obsession for me over the years, despite the fact that I never seemed to get any closer to finding it. I had seen fans on Spanish and Chinese Shin-chan forums write it off as impossible. Finally after 9 years without any luck, I decided to take a gamble and import a copy of Japanese TV Guide for the week of its airing in April '94 on the off-chance it would have some miniscule bit of info. Maybe something of interest aired before it on TV-Asahi and I could look for a recording of that on Japanese auctions where somebody left the tape running long and captured ep 93 by mistake. These were the kind of straws I was grasping at by this point. But I was pretty certain there would most likely be nothing of any use outside of the show's name in its timeslot in the listings and was feeling slight remorse over even wasting the money on importing it. When the TV Guide arrived in the mail I ripped open the package and began skeptically flipping through. To my surprise, at one turn of a page I found myself staring at my first ever glimpse into the only episode from the golden era of Crayon Shin-chan that I had never seen (the middle right screenshot in the scan below) along with summary descriptions of the episode segments. As I stared in disbelief and my brain worked to confirm I was looking at what I thought I was looking at, it was the first time I even fully accepted that the episode was real. Here is my scan of that page from TV Guide:

Interestingly, in those days animation screenshots used for promotional purposes were actually just a photo\scan of the animation cel, and this exact shot with all of the characters in these poses in the same frame doesn't really exist in the episode. (Oh yeah, I did eventually find it, but that's another story...)

#crayon shin chan

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sammyheroes · 4 years ago

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Not My Type

(ROTTMNT x 2012 TMNT)

Summary: Casey Jones confronts this world’s Donnie for catching April’s attention. The result is an eye-opening revelation.

Rise Turtles: Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo, Leonardo, O’Neil 2012 Turtles: Donnie, Raph, Mikey, Leo, April

Pairing: 2012 CaseyxApril, Rise Apritello

Read it on AO3.

(I will take prompts too!)

.....................................

Casey Jones didn’t like it when another dude got his April’s attention. Sure, she wasn’t property, not even his girlfriend (someday...), and was her person, but Casey would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous. The worst part was that he was jealous of this world’s Donatello of all things. He hated it. His purple-clad turtle was a dork. He was also obsessed with his April. But this Donatello? He was cool.

Casey hated that.

He even had eyebrows! Those stupid eyebrows that his April’s asked him about and then asked him if he could fix hers. That’s when Casey noticed: his April was flirting with this Donatello.

“So... can you fix mine? I always have trouble with them.” Said April as she played with a strand of loose ginger hair and her foot made little circles on the floor.

Donatello glanced at her boringly and nodded. “Sure, let me get my kit.”

Casey glared from afar as he watched Donatello leave and return with an eyebrow set on hand and got to work on April’s eyebrows. He was starting to think why April never liked Donnie that way: she liked bad boys. A thought that made Casey smirk for a moment as he considered himself a bad boy, before frowning again. April seemed to gravitate more towards him in terms of romance, even if Donnie was her best friend. But this Donatello? He was also a bad boy and the worst part? He looked cool while doing it.

Casey also didn’t want to forget how April stared dreamily at him when his turtle friends decided to challenge the more colorful turtles in a fight and train (if Casey knew his Raph, he just wanted to see if he could take down the bigger Raphael, which he couldn’t at the end of the training session).

He and April were sitting on the sidelines along with this world’s Splinter, a shorter and more chubby version of the tall rat he had grown fond of. He was studying the other turtles, something that Casey Jones never did, studying was for nerds. But he had to admit he understood the appeal for the turtle. Being a softshell turtle, this Donatello was far more flexible than any turtle regardless of the dimension, except for Mikey. With all the twists and backflips and the fist he managed on his Raph’s angry face and survive... it all seemed to further catch April’s attention. Also, he looked far more muscular than Donnie and himself. Casey would not blame April for looking. At least, Casey tried to convince himself that April was just that, looking and nothing more.

From the corner of his eye, he could see that his Donnie had noticed it too. Which was funny, because that meant Donnie was jealous of a version of himself.

However, it all became a bit confusing when he met the other April O’Neil, or just O’Neil to distinguish them both. Casey noticed how Donatello’s demeanor changed around her. Small changes, but changes nonetheless. He seemed more relaxed around O’Neil than with April, even though they were technically the same person. Why would Donatello act relaxed and sweet with the brown-haired girl while he acted indifferent with April? They were the same person!

Casey narrowed his eyes at Donatello as O’Neil sat beside him on the kitchen table and casually hugged his toned arm while he worked on some blueprints for the portal to get them all home. The turtle caressed her cheek lovingly for a moment before continuing with his work; O’Neil gave her insight on a few parts.

Casey blinked. Ok... This was weird. Extremely weird. It was almost like... they were a couple. In his world, that was impossible. Donnie was way too obsessed with April and he himself might be way too careless for April’s liking. But here? They acted casual and caring, in a way he’d never seen his own set of Donnie and April back home.

He glanced at April’s (the ginger one) own frown at the two and then she left the room. Casey frowned. He had to settle this with this Donatello, so he waited until O’Neil left the kitchen not ten minutes later when he was finally left alone with Donatello. Casey cleared his throat and Donatello sighed.

“What is it?” He asked, annoyed at the fact that he was about to be interrupted.

“What’s up with you and my April?” Casey demanded.

Donatello looked up, a bored gaze met Casey’s eyes. “What do you mean, lover boy?”

Casey blushed at the nickname because it was true. “She’s flirting with you. She never flirts with our Donnie.”

Donatello groaned, annoyed. “Yes, I’ve noticed and it’s getting annoying, but I have not told her off for the sake of not causing trouble with the other turtles. I’ve also noticed my other self is head over heels for her.”

Casey stared. “You noticed?”

“Yes, and I don’t see her appeal. But each one to their own, I guess.”

“Whoa, whoa!” He pointed at Donatello. “April is beautiful!”

“I never said she wasn’t, Jones.” Donatello snapped. “I’m just saying that you should stop pestering me about your April and go back to bicker with your Donnie because I’m not interested in her. And tell her to stop flirting with me and to decide between you two for once. Or none at all.” He shook his head.

Casey glared. “Hey, that’s our business!”

“You made it my business by asking me to stop flirting with her, something I never did. I don’t want to get dragged into your weird romantic drama.” Donatello scoffed.

“But... you fixed her eyebrows!”

Donatello glared at the poor excuse. “Her eyebrows,” He leaned closer to him. “Were a disgrace. I was just being kind to her.” He sat back down. “Also, she’s confused between you two with your endless bickering over her, so I guess that she went to someone that was somehow familiar to her, even though we never met before, and formed an attraction. Not to mention, I’m pretty good-looking. I feel bad for her, but it is starting to get on my nerves. So I will have my talk with her and simply say I’m not interested.”

“But-but how!? How can you reject her?”

Donatello glared. “Don’t you want me to reject her? Please decide, I don’t have all day.”

“Yeah, I do. What I meant was how can you reject someone as pretty as her?”

Donnie glared. “Ok, first of all, gingers have no souls.”

Casey gasped. “Hey--”

“Second, if she isn’t cute, mean, and dark-skinned then she is not my type.”

Casey blinked. Cute? Mean? Dark-skinned? “So it’s true. You and O’Neil are together.” He breathed. Gosh, he couldn’t believe that in another dimension, Donnie got to stay with April.

“Yes, we are. And I will appreciate it if she stopped flirting with me or else if my April finds out, Ginger April isn’t going to survive the day.” Donatello grinned.

Casey stared back nervously. “Will she hurt her?”

“Nah, but she will be on her bad side until my April decides it’s not worth it.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound so bad...”

“Then again, April is friends with a lot of voodoo practitioners...” Donatello mused. “She might talk with them about making a ginger doll.”

Casey gulped. “OK, just to talk to her.” He stood up to leave when Donatello stopped him.

“Jones?”

“Yeah?”

Donatello gave him a neutral look. “Resolve your romance issues and just be forward with her. The same goes for the other me. She’s not a prize to be won,” He sighed. “That’s why she hasn’t chosen any of you. Keep treating her like this and she will find someone else. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.” Casey nodded. He hated to admit that this Donatello was probably right. He might need to have a serious talk with his Donnie and April.

“Good. Now leave before I decide to feed you to Raph.”

#rottmnt #tmnt 2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt crossover #apritello

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leahseclipse · 4 years ago

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Daily surprises

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings: None that I can think of.

Summary: Everyday, Spencer finds a new book in his bag, as he begins to look forward to it when the event has been occurring for a while.

Requested by @writing-in-april

A/N: I really liked writing this request!!! it really was cute asF!! Thanks for proposing that April, the fic u wrote for me last time was amazing (as ALWAYS), so I hope that you’ll like this one.

And uhh sorry about the books parts, I don’t know any of the books- I literally googled the summaries-

Word count: 3.8k

Books have always been a passion of mine; I have always been fascinated by how words can make the reader feel, how each reader can have a different opinion about them, different feelings, every reader is different when it comes to the fact of the opinion they have about the work.

They had always been a sort of shelter to me. I usually had the habit (and still have it) to comfort myself in them, they’d be able to express feelings like no one could, allow me to learn about various things, subject, build an opinion on a subject I had never thought of having an opinion, debate or even mention before.

I had been collecting more and more of them through the years, to the point of having an apartment that could be mistaken as a sort of tiny library.

My books are literally everywhere, in my shelves, on my couch, on the low table, under and on chairs, even at my desk, and in my bag.

I always carry around one or two in my bag (of course, if they both don’t contain a lot of pages to the point of weighing a ton when combined together), in case I happen to have free time (which happened to become rare when I had begun working at the FBI), and have nothing else to do but read.

It also happened to be a passion I've been sharing with another person, more known as y/n.

She had first mentioned that she didn't happen to read a lot, but eventually appreciated reading, which I was more than happy to hear, considering all the books I knew and how much it meant to me.

Clearly, she didn't expect me to know a whole library in my brain when she happened to ask if I could recommend a few; but she always liked to hear me rambling about them.

She had eventually begun taking a liking to reading again; often asking me about books I've read, talking about her opinion on the book she had read, which would often be followed by an endless rambling from me, being much longer than what she had previously explained, or even expected when I had begun sharing my opinion as well.

It was nice to have someone else to talk about books with, without feeling I could possibly be disturbing them.

Most of my colleagues would either stay there until I'd be done, they knew how much I appreciated talking about these to them; even if the majority of the team wasn't much interested, they were just being polite and respectful by staying.

Now that I talk about it, I probably should have apologized for all of the times I had rambled for a large amount of time when talking about the four books I've read in a day.

They're pretty much the main subjects I talk the most about, if, of course, I exclude Star Trek, Doctor Who, and the many subjects I throw facts about all day long from the long list that includes all of the things I'm interested in;

...which would take quite a while to detail its entirety, since I probably would take the time to explain each of them as detailed as possible, without letting any word behind, as my brain would constantly send me as much information as it contains...which again, means, a lot.

But, even if my passion about them is often difficult to keep for myself without having the need to ramble an essay worth long about them, I try not to begin to talk about it, or mention it, except if someone else does.

That became rare…as I often end up talking more than intended each time.

Reading can sometimes lead me to fall asleep quite later than I planned before even taking the book itself.

Having the ability to read fast has often led to many nights with little sleep, considering how many books I can read in a short amount of time.

The aftermath of it isn't pleasant, as it results in more fatigue on top of the one I already have because of how late I'd stay up when working at the bureau.

The feeling I had this morning when I had woken up happened to be one of the side effects of a long and endless reading session I had done the previous night.

Little did I find out after thinking about it for a bit that I'd probably be regretting it at the end of the day, if not earlier.

Even if my body was telling me to stay in my bed considering how tired I was, work couldn't allow me to do it, unfortunately.

It only took a quarter of an hour in order for me to get ready, as I already had been crossing the door to leave my apartment without having the time to think about doing it.

The rest of the morning wasn't as busy as it usually would be; only paperwork for the previous days, nothing too complicated.

But because of the short night I had, the coffee trips have been quite numerous after a while.

A short conversation had occurred later in the day between y/n and me when she had gone to peek over my desk, curious to why I had been going in and out of consciousness; and leaving a lot to take refills.

I didn't mind her asking at all, on the contrary, I had been waiting for an opportunity to talk with her; but as I didn't want to disturb her, I just kept glancing discreetly at her from time to time, hoping something to talk about would awaken a future conversation.

After a while, I noticed that she had left the room, just as I had the thought of something situated in my bag.

I had soon taken it in search of what I've been looking for, as I suddenly happened to be quite surprised as I found a book that I didn't remember putting the night before, any other day, or even this morning before leaving my apartment for work at all.

‘The Collector, John Fowles’

It was a surprisingly good choice, and the person who had put it there either had good taste or personally knew my preferences; or even both.

Who knows.

Even I would be explaining it to myself, and not to anyone; I’d prefer not to engage myself in that; as it could last up to an hour considering the length, and all that is to explain in order to understand the moral, and the motives of whatever is in the character’s mind in the book; so...a lot.

“Withdrawn, uneducated and unloved, Frederick collects butterflies and takes photographs. He is obsessed with a beautiful stranger, the art student Miranda. When he wins the pools, he buys a remote Sussex house and calmly abducts Miranda, believing she will grow to love him in time. Alone and desperate, Miranda must struggle to overcome her own prejudices and contempt if she is to understand her captor, and so gain her freedom.”

The resume of the book had simply begun automatically playing itself before I could even lay my eyes on the back cover; as I had read this book more times than my two hands could ever count, and you know; because of the eidetic memory thing, even if I had read it only once, I would have remembered it anyway.

I remember reading it for the umpteenth time around last week, precisely on a saturday, at 11PM. As long as I can remember, I apparently had nothing else to do but read, and absolutely not any other book to pull out of the shelf, except that one.

Even if I had strictly- no idea -of who could have truly placed it there, except y/n-, I still had appreciated having this work as a possible distraction, or a way to pass the time if I eventually happened to have no idea of what I could do next, in case I didn’t have any work left to do.

As I raised my eyes to the desk in front of me, I happened to meet with y/n’s eyes just when she had happened to stare at me as well.

“What’s that book genius?”

“Oh, that? It’s the collector, from John Fowles. I like this one, but- is that you who put it there?”

“Yeah...why?”

“I uh- no particular reason! I just uh...wonder why it’s there…?”

“Well, read it, and you’ll see.” She said, as she stood to go god knows where.

“Read it? But I’ve already read-” I hurried out, but she had already gone out of the room, shooting me a smile before disappearing in the corner of the door. I stood there for a good minute, as I decided to open the book and read a bit of it as she previously told me to before leaving without even giving me an answer. She always liked to be mysterious, that’s kinda the reason I fell in love with her for.

It really took a while so I would get a number.

She had slid it in one of my file just when she had left the building to go home, I swore I didn’t even have any breath when I had attempted at catching her before she has gone to her car, and if I hadn’t decided to go, one minute later, she would have been on the road, and I doubt that calling people on the road would have been safe and clever for me to do it.

It might have been a bit “mean” to do that as some would say, but we always had the habit of doing that, way before we started dating. We’d always let the other try to guess what the other meant, what he wanted to say, it all was a game, a sequel to the story that would occur later, all of these discussions, secrets, have been a preparation, and kept for what happened right now.

It all was thanks to her, because if she wouldn’t have given it, I doubt that I would have gathered the courage too soon. Probably in 10 years or so, if not.

As I still was in my lecture, a bright blue paper with an inscription written in black ink had brought my attention, which led me to read it.

“I know you’re surprised, yes, it’s in a book, and yes I could have told it to you in person, but I find it better in a note, you can keep it and carry wherever you want. It's also better as a note, and, in a book, because you had always liked books, which became the passion that has made us grow closer. This book was the first one that started a conversation between us, I don’t remember the day, but you probably do. This note might be confusing, but I wanted to do that, because at least, you have a reason to finish the book, because you might have another surprise soon. -yours truly, y/n”

The note had even ended with a heart; she’d always write one at the end of her texts, even a small word sometimes, it probably was an habit of hers, I don’t really know, we never mentioned it once, as I didn’t mind at all, I really liked the attention.

Well, I pretty much like everything she does, whether she’s talking to me, talking to someone else, or doing whatever thing. I always like to see her around; I tend to get more relaxed when she’s with me; she always talks with me, and tries to know about what I do, even if I often noticed she probably didn’t understand a single word of whatever I rambled about.

Among all of the subject she was at ease with, books happened to be one of them, she’d always participate actively, as most of the subjects included in the books would often inspirate her, push her to talk more than she usually would with other subject, or even in general, I’d help her find her words, participate in the conversation by argumenting, agreeing with her opinion, sharing my opinion so that we could compare them and argument once more about the differences, I’d also initiate the conversation by switching to another book when we’d have nothing else to talk about the book, or if one of the details in the book would make me think of another one.

Our discussions would often last hours, we wouldn’t even realize the amount of hours we’ve spent talking until one of us would think to look at the time.

Even if I liked every single moment we’d spend together, if I had to choose one (a temporary, as I always change my mind on which moment I prefer as I again like every single one), It’d be our numerous discussions about books, I had and would never grow tired of it.

As much as I like to hear her talking, I often let myself get distracted by her, to the point of having to be “woken up” from my thoughts by her when I happened to not pay attention.

Because in these moments, all that matters is that I get to hear her voice, her smile as she passionately talks about what she likes, she way she always talks while moving her hands around, when she looks at me while I talk, when she touches my hand with the tip of her fingers to take the book situated in my hands.

She made me get more and more excited about the moments when I’d reach for a book in my bag, or somewhere in the drawer of my desk.

Especially when she had begun picking my interest by telling me she might propose another book the next day...or so?

I don’t think I’ve been more excited about reading a book again before now.

Who would have thought someone would have such an effect on me on a subject I admire before y/n arrived in my life? I’ve never been so passionate about something other than books before her.

My waiting (that had seemed like an eternity) had only lasted till the next day, not long after my arrival at the bureau.

I hadn’t expected it, but the book had happened to be situated close to my keyboard, which after thinking, was obvious, if I’d take account of the numerous trips we both had done throughout the morning due to various reasons concerning either paperwork or matters of previous cases.

I had taken a seat on the desk, quite empty for a while due to, again, the trips, as I had glanced at the surroundings, only to see a few members of the team, busy doing whatever task that was in front of them.

‘Great Expectations, Charles Dickens’

Again; fairly surprising, but quite a good surprise to discover, as I hadn’t seen it for a while before today.

The edition of the book present on my desk was one of the original versions of it, The cover had a black color, along with the title and the author written in large letters under the title of the book, both just on top of an illustration representing a woman holding a bouquet of various types of flowers, behind it, the outfit she wore was visible; a white embroidery, with a grey-ish and black necklace on top of it, which was situated around her neck. The illustration was displayed in the shape of a large square, almost taking the rest of the bottom of the cover, as a space was present after the closure of the white border around the illustration.

My eyes wandered around the cover, as I switched sides, ending up on the back of it.

“Considered by many to be Dickens’s finest novel, Great Expectations traces the growth of the book’s narrator, the orphan Philip Pirrip (Pip), from a boy of shallow dreams to a man with depth of character. From its famous dramatic opening on the bleak Kentish marshes, the story abounds, with some of Dickens’s most memorable characters; Among them are-”

I wasn’t able to finish the rest of the summary, as a familiar scent had caught my attention, two arms embraced my shoulders.

“You didn’t say hi today. I’m gonna begin to think you don’t love me anymore.” She had said, in an obvious playful tone that had taken some time for me to understand as it was, only a joke.

“Sorry, I’m married to someone, my work.” I had said, before the feel of her lips on my left cheek interrupted me; as, before she could go, I turned my face, stealing a kiss from her.

“Is that your apology?” She asked.

“If you see it that way, yeah.”

“Then I accept your apologies;”

“I’m glad, I couldn’t bear to see you in such a state that would make you sad, all because of me.” I talked in a dramatic tone, which seemed as if I was doing a play, but she had laughed at it, so, turns out that my ‘play’ had been worth it after all.

“Have you opened it yet?”

“No, I only read the summary. Why, is there something there again?”

“See by yourself.” She said, gesturing her hand in the direction of the book, as I opened it per request.

When my eyes fell on the first page, I had expected to see the page on which the title and the author are written in black, but instead of it, a picture that had apparently been printed in a matte paper was taped on the page.

The picture had contained a picture of me, reading a book while I was sitting on the floor, against the wall, of what seemed to be my apartment, the book I was holding seemed to be the same ones I was holding in my hands.

“When did you take that? I never saw you taking your phone when we were together.”

“That’s because you never pay attention to your surroundings when you read. A fire could happen in the apartment and you wouldn’t even notice it until you’d smell the smoke.”

“No, you’re lying, I do pay attention…sometimes.”

“See? You admitted it yourself. The tone of your voice when you reached the end of the sentence even said it for you.”

“Yeah but, did I...do something wrong or…?”

“No, nothing wrong. On the contrary, your focus was so strong that I was able to take the picture. So, that’s a good thing, do that more.”

“Now that you told me that, I’m gonna pay more attention, you might attempt to kill me behind my back.”

“Yeah, I might kill you if you keep saying that. I’ll kill you with a bad book, I’d be a shame to kill you with a good book, I might damage it.”

“You care more about a book instead of possibly committing a murder on the one and only love of your life?”

“My one and only love is tea, you know it.” She said, as I faked being offended. “Come on, I’m kidding. But, if you keep insinuating that, I’ll care more about the book. So, if you don’t want me to kill my one and only love, behave on your best.”

“Okay, behave on my best.” I said, tracing the outline of the picture with my index. “Even if the thought of seeing myself in that picture is kinda weird, I’ll keep it. Thanks for it, I’ll read it, well, if...I get to finish the work on my desk.” I said, as we both glanced at the paperwork on the desk.

“Yeah...I, uh. Yeah. I don’t want to...sadden you even more, but you should check your mails, there...might be more.” She said, as she tapped my shoulder before leaving, the smile on my face dropping as I came to the realization.

“I guess the reading session is getting postponed then.”

The week had really been full of a lot of surprises (if I don’t count the case we had, of course), she had pulled out books I haven’t read for years; books that I had wanted to read, but never got the time for; or even books I’ve never read, but she had surprisingly matched my taste well, as I ended up liking them more than I thought I would before even starting the book.

To my surprise, we had gotten to have rest for once after the busy week that cancelled all of our plans in a snap.

I haven’t even realized that it already was October 31st today, the work had completely gone over everything else that made up my thoughts, to the point that I haven’t thought of the book y/n had chosen today.

She’d always put it either on the top of my desk where I could see it, or in my bag, but after a minute or so of searching, I didn’t see it.

The only book that I could see was in my bag, a copy of ‘The Narrative of John Smith by Arthur Conan Doyle’, I had always left it there, it was one of my favorite books, I had never gotten anywhere without it.

‘Maybe she forgot about it today. It happens.’

We had a small party like we usually do (when a case doesn’t interrupt us, of course), and various small events had been organized.

As I had been looking around, my attention had been snatched away by a hand slightly tapping my right shoulder, as I turned around to see y/n.

“Missed me?”

“Yeah, I did.” I said, as I brought her closer, and brought my lips to hers, as we exchanged a brief kiss. “Where have you been?”

“I was with Penelope, just for a bit, because if you didn’t see it, she wasn’t around either.”

“Wasn’t she? Oh, apparently not.” I said, as I saw her coming in, walking in the direction of Emily who had called her.

“What were you thinking about?”

“You, and books.”

“Oh, talking about books, did you notice something?”

“Something? Uh, no. I haven’t seen one, except the book I always carry.”

“And what is it?”

“The Narrative of John Smith, why?”

“Well, you just noticed something. The book you just saw is the one you were looking for.”

“But, I had it yesterday, and all of the days before. I-I don’t get it.”

"In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s October 31st today; the date the book was published by the edition you own, it even was the first book I laid my eyes on when we met.” She pointed out.

“...you just reduced my IQ to 60 in a minute.”

“Oh, did I?”

“Yeah, I knew it was our anniversary, but never had I thought that this book was involved.”

“Now you did, and you better remember it, and never forget to carry it.”

“I would never.” I said, as I gently put my hand on her cheek, as she suddenly raised herself on the tip of her toes, kissing me before I even got the time to think of it.

“Happy anniversary Spence.”

“Happy anniversary y/n.”

#Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader

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