#a shard of ice

[waterflowing-under-ground]

The emotional gut-punch that is A Shard of Ice (short story in Sword of Destiny in the Witcher/Wiedźmin book series), upon re-reading it after many years away from the series, on a day where I need to stay on task and be emotionally stable. Suppose it's better than trying to read it tomorrow when I have to concentrate on work. 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺

I know Sapkowski wasn't intending any allegory on autism (although it surely is an allegory for people being cruel to those deemed the "other"), but the "you have no capability to feel human emotions no matter what you think" allegations levied at Geralt all the time, repeatedly, to the point where he feels utterly defeated and even internalizes them to a degree despite knowing that he DOES feel a full range of emotions, plus what actually happens in the end (which I won't spoil) hit home in the worst way today.

[grumpyoldsnake]

Liveblog: Sword of Destiny by Andrzej Sapkowski

Context: I caught bits and pieces of several scattered episodes of the Netflix Witcher series while at my parent’s place, and have had my curiosity piqued! I’ve already read The Last Wish since then; you can find my thoughts here.

I'm posting my thoughts about this book short story by short story. Part one is here!

Disclaimer: Names might be misspelled, and most quotes will be paraphrased. I’m reading via audiobook at work.

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A Shard of Ice

I do really like that more often than not, fights aren’t perfectly easy or clean for Geralt. They take effort!

Goodness he is very upset with the muck, isn’t he. Poor guy.

Oh hey we’re back with Yennefer. I wonder if this is post-dragon incident or prior to the falling out that had her upset during the dragon incident? (There’s no particular indication that we’re jumping back in time, but then. There doesn’t often seem to be, with these stories. 😂)

Definitely post-dragon

Damn this guy--Istredd?--is a jerk

Ohh okay hey. This whole ‘witchers don’t have feelings’ thing is something I’d been wondering about, actually! I've wondered where it came from and whether or not it was just straight up fanon.

So let's talk about it!

Andrjez was very careful to thoroughly debunk this in the narrative well before letting the mage say this shit and before letting Geralt get all tangled up about it. I feel like that's pretty clear and intentional?

Pretty sure most of Geralt echoing the mage’s words is pure, dripping bitterness and sarcasm.

Like seriously we just followed Geralt being anxious and grumpy all morning, we just saw him being upset by people’s comments, we’ve seen him glad for a friendly face in the previous story, we’ve seen him genuinely desperate to help Jaskier, we’ve seen him lonely and regretful and longing to talk to someone, we just saw him genuinely disgusted by his work…

.

Actually yeah. Fuck. Let’s talk about that disgust specifically!

Because it actively stood out to me on its own merits just in that first scene as seeming like a strong reaction, and now… now it seems like it’s the one claim that Geralt maybe does believe to at least some degree, is echoing more genuinely.

And. Look. Completely different scenario, reversed direction, but… I can’t help but think of many unrealized ace-spec folk’s experiences, looking around at allo society and allo people’s actions and thinking, ‘Holy hell, surely they’re all just… exaggerating? Playing it up? Does no one have any self control?’

Because we genuinely don’t share and can’t imagine that intensity of feeling on that particular subject.

But no! Attraction is a real thing that people do genuinely feel, and quite strongly. Even if I just have to take their word for it.

And some people do have self control despite those feelings, and some people don’t.

And. I can’t help but think of that now, that type of disconnect in communication and experiences; the conclusions you draw based on what you see and how people act vs. what you feel.

Geralt sees his actions—his work, slogging through the muck despite his disgust—and he hears people express their disgust and their unwillingness to do the same, to the point where they declare he must not feel the same as them if he’s able to do the work… and maybe he believes them, on that front, to at least some degree. He believes that the disgust they feel must be so much stronger than his.

(Spoiler: I don’t think it is.)

(Disclaimer/context: I think that I do genuinely have a somewhat muted disgust reaction, or at least that I am not as disgusted by certain things as other folk are. There are things I’m willing to clean or approach and that genuinely don’t bother me all that much, but that send other folk away gagging.)

(Which is why Geralt’s reaction in the first scene struck me so strongly — my hindbrain went, ‘it’s just some trash and decay…? If you’ve already decided to commit, if you’ve had a few moments to desensitize, why is it still bothering you so much?’)

(Admittedly I’ve never literally submerged myself in that sort of thing but like. I’ve watched Dirty Jobs. People do!)

(Also admittedly I literally run away with my heart in my throat from people vomiting. The joys of phobias. 😂)

(Extra grumping: If it isn’t clear, I’m also obviously of the firm belief that some people feeling some things more or less strongly than others—or not at all—is a completely normal thing!)

(And that telling people what they do and don’t feel is an exercise in futility and misjudgment.)

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BACK ON TOPIC

Huh. Interesting how averse Yennefer is to the word mutant.

I don't... much like the shard of ice metaphor? Or don't get it? Or...

Okay so look, at this point it's probably pretty clear that I do not often connect with or even clearly understand more... idk. Flowery? Indirect? Ways of presenting things.

That's a personal taste thing and a personal reading comprehension thing and I can admit that, hah.

I’m also not even certain that I’m putting it right because like. The Broken Earth Trilogy? FUCKING GORGEOUS, one of my all time favorites, and goodness if its narration and storytelling isn’t complex and confusing in some ways.

It has been too long since I first drafted these notes, and I read this last part of things without much time to write, so:

Asshole

^ I no longer know what that note was reacting to. xD

Fucking hell girl quarrels

^ This can be just a general complaint on its own I think, hah.

So look it's just. Like. Yennefer obviously has some poly leanings, but this is not a poly *situation,* and I'm not sure how to talk about it, but. I have. Feelings? Mixed feelings.

Oh! Hey! Hey!

This is very sad but I am finally confident in one (1) instance of guessing what the unspoken thing was. They aren't able to say to one another whether they love one another.

Glad I can pick up on it when it's *this* blatant at least :'D

And it's... character wise, this is honestly pretty interesting? I just. These two are so... *fractured,* they're both so doubtful that they can feel or be anything positive to one another or to themselves, and that very doubt is itself creating some of what they're afraid of, and it's.

Yeah. Interesting.

.

There's that story! I might need to reread this one in print, give it some closer attention without wandering off into my own musings, hah.

I really liked some things in it; I obviously liked some of the worldbuilding & character *info*.

I just didn't much like -- idk, the tone? All that much. And I still have issues with how Sapkowski handles women and romance and Yennefer's motivations. :')

[binx--the--jinx]

i keep wondering if the ice on Macaque muffled his hearing on the one side, and how disorienting that must've been for the guy? i also wonder if it affected whether or not he could hear the past or future... maybe it kept him tethered to the present?

[littlestsnicket]

i really need to re-read the whole story, but at least part of what i take away from it is that yennefer feels obligated (fairly or not) to be less than her full self around geralt; she worries that he’s in love with his perception of her, what she was to him when he bound their fates together, and if she is kind to him, he will see her as just a person, no longer special, no longer worth his love.

yennefer wants to be kind to geralt but she fears that both he and their relationship can’t handle that.

either geralt doesn’t get this (in which case i’m not really sure what he thinks they’re talking about) but i think he does understand, so he must actually agree with her. which makes a lot of sense in the context of how i, personally, take geralt talking about not having feelings. he knows that’s not true—it’s a useful fiction. not just for other people, but for himself. that a large part of how he makes his life work is by pretending he doesn’t have feelings. and yennefer being kind to him would damage him because he would loose that coping mechanism and he has nothing to put in it’s place.

the truth is a shard of ice. it’s beautiful as a concept and at a distance but when you get too close and try to soften it, you’re left with a garbage pile. both geralt and yennefer are worried that is all they will be left with if they are too vulnerable with each other.

(i hope this made some amount of sense.)

Im listening to Sword of Destiny again while I work on my living room wall project.

I just listened again to A Shard of Ice and I still struggle trying to figure out what Yen and Geralt are talking about. What they are really saying to each other.

So I get that Geralt refuses to admit or confess his love to her because he is having deep deep self doubt and loathing over whether his feelings are ‘real’ and whether the trials and what was done to him make him something lower or less worthy. (The bit about the fact that he does his job in filth broke my heart)

However, that is because I (the reader) am in his head. I don’t fully understand what is in Yen’s head and so eventually I lose the plot of that conversation.

She is saying that being a sorceress took everything from her and she also refuses to admit or confess her love for him because of some inability to reciprocate something equally precious. She says that she’s incapable of it. So does she believe the same thing about her feelings that he believes about his feelings? That they don’t exist or aren’t real? I know there is a whole lot of self worth issues there but I feel like I’m missing something.

They CLEARLY love each other, but NEITHER of them will say it or go there and be vulnerable but they’re in so much pain.

But then she says she wants warmth and that he need warmth and the metaphor starts getting confusing. By the time she starts asking ‘what is the truth’ and the kestrel says it is a shard of ice, I am totally lost.

They’re both holding back, but is he trying to get her to stay with him? Is it like…”I’m not capable of love, but be with me anyway?”

I want someone to explain this chapter to me like I’m a 5yo.

[hanzajesthanza]

i like how sapkowski needed some more ways to make geralt’s life miserable and the worst thing he could come up with (asides from all the other things) was “what if cats hated you and you couldn’t pet them”

[pangeen]

“ The Incredible Ice Beach “ // Mads Peter Iversen

[majestativa]

And once more I dream of a dream of a dream.

— Lydia Grigorieva, Shards from the Polar Ice: Selected Poems, transl by John Farndon and Olga Nakston, (2016)

[perseruna]

i Adore your fake marriage ice and flame art!! I was wondering, what reference/insp did you use for their outfits??

hello i am SO sorry I'm so late to this unfortunately uni got in the way BUT here's an in depth thread on the costume design of this piece and all the little details and references you might have missed <3

starting off, I wanted it to feel like a wedding picture of two people from different cultures, and they're not only marrying each other but so are their aesthetics. the costumes are very distinctive while also being complementary to each other.

yennefer’s dress is very much Indian sari inspired, while jaskier’s main influence comes from the Detva region of Slovakia. I wanted these costumes to be clearly influenced by traditional clothing while being something they would also wear in universe.

yennefer’s gown while being inspired by traditional saris is also inspired by Yves Saint Laurent and Elsa Schiaparelli take’s on saris as well as this Simone Ashley's look (also the fabric is supposed to be a two-tone taffeta, so I hope that reads well enough)

jaskier's Detva inspired look works so perfectly in universe with his s1 doublets in my opinion. His costume is also inspired by other slavic folk clothing, for example his pants are mostly inspired by the polish mountain style clothing from the Zakopane region.

yennefer's also wearing alta dye on her fingers, which women adorn their fingers with for marriage ceremonies in the Bengali culture. The red dye also matches jaskier's red doublet and the dark blue flowers on jaskier's vest match yennefer's dress. like I mentioned before they're wearing wedding rings with gemstones that match each other's eye color <3 yennefer's wearing bangles, a maangtika and a nath, while jaskier's sporting the single pearl earring that I always draw him in and his other neckless are under his shirt

+ some process from the drawing !! (fun fact the first file that I found on this concept is from may 1st 2023 lmaoo) anyway I really really love it and I'm very proud of it, my fave yenskier piece to date <3

[delusionalpuffball]

[checkadii]

mfs do anything but finish their wips . like startign another, for example

[rose-tinted-vision]

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before but when Di Feisheng took He Xiaofeng "hostage" she wasn't really in any immediate danger (as far as I can see):

He does not display any outward intention to maim her or restrain her, and when Shan Gudao goes on to stab her he immediately rebukes him for that.

Afterwards, when Shan Gudao demands for the other heavenly ice shard, his expression also looks as if he's urging them to give in.

Though, if it wasn't in his plans to hurt HXF in order to get the shards from them I do wonder how DFS planned to get them from FDB? (If SGD hadn't shown up).

[silvaris]

Icicles and Arakawa River by Benjamin Moore

[parasitic-dreams-au]

ooooohhhh! :)

-miley

*Magma has a horrified look on his face, but not because of Miley.... no... more like a certain someone behind Miley with swirling eyes and looking for revenge.*

[thefreelanceangel]

Nightmares came often, the only visitors Imayo's bed ever saw, but not so often that she feared them upon closing her eyes.

Oh, some did indeed end a night prematurely, bringing her from a sound sleep by providing the bright coppery taste of fear. Others left her curled on the futon, knees pressed to her chest, as she fought her way free of the despair they'd laid over her.

Loneliness, she understood, lived with from breath to breath. Despair she fought often, holding it at arm's length through sheer force of will. Fear and terror followed her, hand in hand, throughout much of her life.

...these dreams, however...

Pain.

Heat.

Distant screams mingling with the wet tearing of living flesh ripped open. Within her, only agony.

Despair.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

She knew these emotions, knew pain. Never in her life had she not understood how to manage these, to face them. And yet... She felt them tearing her apart, pain shredding flesh, not just heart and soul.

PAIN.

It split her, pieces falling away, and she clawed the robe from her body, discarding it in pieces. One foot came down, shattering the mask she'd worn so happily, and she lunged.

Skin split, shreds falling away. Skull split, pieces splattering across the cracked stones.

Without thought, she reached for the first thing that moved.

It squirmed.

She squeezed.

It made noise.

She squeezed harder.

Heat blazed around her as stone cracked and fell.

And when she consumed the warm, limp thing in her grasp, the pain faded into all-consuming hunger.

[hanzajesthanza]

geralt: hi kitty :)

cat: [hisses]

geralt:

“it’s fine i didn’t want to pet you anyways”

[pangeen]

“ Jagged shards “ // Luke Stackpoole