#a self para in 2024??

[dulcie-hernandez]

Am I Making You Proud? || Self-Para

The peak of Dulcie's intoxication had seemed to pass and as she started to settle down, she found herself in great need of some fresh air, especially as more and more couples started to make out around her. She told Odessa she'd be right back and slipped out the back door of the club, grateful as the cool air hit her. Even more grateful when she found the back alley empty. The muffled sound of the music was comforting as she found a crate to sit on and slip off her heels for a moment. It was definitely one of the better pride events she had been to lately and though her month was sure to be full of them, she couldn't say she was exactly ecstatic about all of them. Most of the time they often made her think too much about her loneliness, about the lingering eagerness that came along with wanting to be in a relationship.

As she thought about it, her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her dress pocket, smiling to herself as she saw her sister's name and a text asking how her night was going. She wondered if her sister could feel it in the universe that she was having this melancholy moment with herself. She hesitated in texting her back, instead scrolling through her recent texts, smiling as she clicked on her family's group chat. A couple of days earlier her father had sent a rainbow emoji with a 'Happy Pride' message followed by a rainbow gif from her mother. Her sister had called them corny but had sent her own message, accompanied by the tik tok clip of someone saying 'be who you are for your pride.." it made her laugh all over again and before she could stop herself, she found tears coming to eyes.

There had been a time where she could have never fathomed this happening. Where the idea of admitting even to herself that she was gay felt like the most terrifying thing in the world. If her younger self could see her now...the thought brought on more tears and she set her phone in her lap as she brought her hands to her face. She knew she was drunk but she also knew that these were feelings she rarely let herself dwell on because most of the time it hurt. It hurt to think about all the time she spent keeping quiet, watching from the sidelines and she supposed in some ways she still felt the same.

But things weren't the same. She wasn't that same scared teenager, longing for her best friends affection or attention. She wasn't hiding in that closet, so sure that God would hate her, that she'd be the biggest disappointment to her parents. She had fallen in love, gotten her heartbroken, in fact tonight she had already run into two of her exes. One who she was still on great terms with and whose partner she loved and another who she had avoided. A full lesbian experience depending on who you asked. She had made out with women she had never seen again, danced and laughed and learned so much about herself. Her confidence had grown tremendously and though her pickup lines were somewhat cheesy and she hadn't been in a relationship in over two years, when she really thought about it - she was happy. Not only that, she was comfortable in her skin. And when she looked at herself in the mirror, she genuinely loved the person looking back at her.

In the past couple of years, she had found her relationship with God again. She had seen how much it grounded her and understood now that whatever spirit was flying around in the sky loved her exactly as she was. Her family loved her. Her friends loved her. Dulcie was loved. Deeply and infinitely. In a way her teenage self could have never imagined or dared to dream of. She was so far from that Dulcie. The one who used to pull uncomfortably at her uniform skirt while pretending not to look at other girls in theirs. The girl who kept her head in the books and did everything she could to not disturb the trust of her parents and teachers. The girl who lived in fear every single day.

The tears were flowing freely now and she had to laugh at herself as she started to wipe at her face. Maybe she hadn't given herself enough credit for how much she had grown and learn. She knew she didn't. She had been too focused on being hard on herself. But tonight, sitting in the Kat's back alley, she could admit that she was so proud of who she had become. And though her teenage self would likely be a judgmental little bitch about it, she still felt confident that even that version of herself would be proud.

"Get it together," she mumbled to herself, laughing as she slid her heels back on, texted her sister that she was having a great time and got back to her feet. Inspired by the feeling that she hadn't come this far just to sit on the sidelines again, she took a deep breath and opened the door and went back inside, in search of her friends and all of the love (and alcohol) she deserved.

[mishavorshevsky]

ANYWAY...

When: After Party, post-plot drop TW: None (for once)

Silence settles over the crowd like a lead weight, perverse in its gravity and filled with dread as they watch the video unfold. Unfortunately, Mikhail's experience with such limitless violence does not allow him enough naïvety to crumble into shock with the rest. Already his gaze sweeps across the room to find Vika, whose well restrained anger matches his own almost precisely–– both stormy behind the eyes and cautious in how they show it to the world.

He moves swiftly through frantic bodies once the lights return, scooping up Iza's arm along the way and practically hoisting her towards the exit. Without enough force to harm, but the rapid nature of his pace and obvious insistence leaves little room to argue. Not that she would, particularly after such a harrowing spectacle.

Perhaps that is what angers him most, beyond the simmering rage felt on behalf of Kosta losing yet another fragment of his first wife. That Mikhail had been successfully shielding Iza from most of the carnage, keeping her reality somewhat at bay and allowing her and Dmitri to live a relatively unscathed life. It wouldn't last, they both predicted as much, but he truly hadn't wanted it to crash down like this.

Cynicism whispers, at least it isn't her on the tape. Or Yuli, or Vika, or Sveta...

The corners of his mind are a mass grave filled with long dead women from his life and he ardently refuses to add more bodies tonight.

For once, there is gratitude to be found in the security that haunts his footsteps. His orders to them are frigid, unquestionable, sounding more like a Vorshevsky than ever before when the matter of his wife's safety hangs in the balance. It would be easier to avoid her gaze and usher the blonde along, to keep himself from reading the expression he knows is etched into her delicate features, but he clasps them between both palms anyway.

His thumb wipes away a miniature trail of saltwater from her skin as their eyes meet. Glassy versus resolute. "You need to leave now. Don't speak to anyone and do exactly as Boris and Pyotr say until I return. I'll be right behind you, promise." She merely nods, impeded from the full gesture by how deliberately Mikhail cups her face. "I love you." Sentiment exchanged, he releases Iza and allows his team to cart her off to a waiting car before returning to locate Vika.

Finding her is simpler than expected, probably because their train of thought so frequently aligns, and there is one terribly specific way to return a favor to their enemies. His palm nearly envelopes the Pecatti woman's entire face as he forces it back into position against his cousin; so unlike the fervent adoration used on his better half only minutes prior.

"It took you long enough. Hold her still."

"With pleasure."

[capricious-and-caprine]

i want to scream into the wind to see if i still exist. late at night, alone, my oscillations travel, weaker and weaker, imperceptible. the sensation i feel tapping on my tablet isn't real: it's just the electromagnetic repulsion. i am nothing. that's a bit reductive: i'm a child, sibling, friend: a complex DNA sequence and entangled histories and the five closest people around me - a cloud of probability overlapping and repelling.

yet the words

you should kill yourself

you should kill yourself

you should kill yourself

fill my mind.

they don't streamline like the lines one gets for punishment. they stack like cartoonish idents. they permeate trivial incidents, like a falling out with my friend or facile decisions like deciding to make pancakes without neither a mixing bowl nor a spatula. i feel a lot safer in my room. my hermitage is imminent, i fear.

[maria-azenha]

Solace In Your Arms

Date: 25/03/2024

Maria read Cecelia's text a few times and had to keep in mind that the woman ran a business and her visit to the doctor's assured her that she wasn't in the right state of mind to be in a room full of people. She was finding it too easy to slip back into where she wasn't sure what was real and what was that night locked deep in her head.

A bag was packed, and she left a text to Ophélie and Amélie that she would be staying with Guillaume for a few days, not that he was aware of it at the current moment.

A light rap echoed off the door to his flat, taking a small step back waiting until he opened the door, brows furrowing at the sight of her. A quick glance over her, his eyes rested on her bag and he knew the drill.

No words had to be spoken between them, their friendship going that deep that he knew what she needed. The door opened wider for her to slip inside and that is when she noticed the redhead sitting on his couch, giving a small crinkle to her nose.

"Rebecca, we are going to have to cut our night short." What a horrid name, Maria thought, not feeling bad at all that she was breaking this little get together up.

It didn't go unnoticed the way the woman looked at her and a stoic expression remained etched into her features, ready to tear her down if she tried to go at her.

"Guillaume, we were just...." She wasn't able to finish her words before he spoke again.

"Time to go, I'll message later." A hand gestured for her to use the door.

A huff coming from the redhead's lips as she started to get up from the couch, going to fetch her belongings. She paused at the threshold, looking them both off. "Don't bother." A hand came up to flick her hair over her shoulder and stomped off.

Maria couldn't help but giggle, a hand coming up to cover her mouth when his eyes narrowed at her.

"You owe me, you know that." A smile pulls on his lips, shutting the door and locking it. "Go get ready." He knew the drill.

The brunette nods her head and makes her way off towards the bathroom where she brushes her teeth, washes her face, and lathers her face with all the different facial products she uses. Hair tied up into a loose bun. Taking a glance at herself in the mirror, she was finding it hard to recognise who she was. Slipping into the t-shirt she always slept in, Maria pads silently out into his bedroom, a side lamp the only light illuminating the room, finding him already stripped down to his boxers sliding into bed where he opens the blankets at the opposite side for her.

Without hesitation she climbs in beside him, scooting closer to him where she can feel his arm wrap around her, pulling her back to his chest. There was a comfort in his arms, the only place where he chased her demons away and she could find a dreamless state. No faceless man pointing a gun at her, pulling the trigger seconds after killing everyone she loved, sending her into a painful darkness.

Her body relaxes against his, finally closing her eyes and not being scared about it. A kiss is placed to the top of her head. "Sleep Maria, nothing will harm you. I promise."

I promise.

She trusted him with her life.

"Goodnight Guillaume." She whispers, not long after drifting to sleep.

[menodoramoon]

2024 Prom | Gothic Romance | Mooncakes

Also, secret lil' Moon self-para below the cut <3

@auntcass-hamada

BEFORE.

Her heart races, her heels ache. Cassandra had been cleverer, wearing flats to walk to the castle. Moon had worn her heels, having been unaware of the distance. And poor logic, admittedly. The commute from one wing of her own estate to another lasted all of five minutes, if that. The walk to the castle felt different. 

It was mostly light out still when they arrived, and Moon couldn’t help feeling two conflicting things, and a third of neutral stance:

First, an excitement about attending her first prom with a best friend like Cassandra. 

Second, A self-conscious unfamiliarity with herself in trousers and a suit jacket, dressed in black damask. (Uncountessly?)

Third, the neutral thing: how beautiful Cass looks in the fading light. As the sun sinks across the sky, leading way to night. As the rays trace coppery strands along Cassandra’s braids.

It’s admiration, if anything, Moon has to assume. Cass was someone who was easy to admire, for all the hard work she put in, for all the heart she gave.

The butterfly dress was beautiful in the store (The two of them had gone together), but Cass brings it to life. She wasn’t magick, but there was something remarkable about the whole ensemble. The butterflies seemed to come to life when she moved, fluttering despite their silken state. She looks so different, yet so unmistakably Cassandra.

Helios’s light has mostly faded by the time they walk through the front doors. And Moon thinks about the opposing light they both seem to thrive in. Cassandra, bright in the daylight, sunny in herself. Moon, bathed in moonlight as it dances across her skin from the open window. Opposing cosmic forces, complementing celestial energy.

How could Cass be her friend? Moon feels undeserving every time Cass smiles at her.

You are radiant in ways you don’t understand. I want you to see yourself the way I do. Someone who loves and cares and grazes softly against others, illuminating them as well. You’re enchanting in your being, in a way that sorcery cannot dare replicate.

Every time Cass says something, it's brighter.

DURING.

The photo lingers in Moon’s mind all night. Off and on, from the moment she tucked it in her purse to the moment she sees it again, looking for her apartment key in her pocket-sized clutch.

AFTER.

Moon walks Cass home. Cass still in her sensible shoes, Moon who swears she’ll have blisters the next day. Still, Moon laughs as the two talk about the evening. Despite the way her toes feel cramped and her arches ache, she feels like she’s also floating. The evening has set her at ease.

On the walk home, Moon prattles on about how excited she is to have Hiro and Tad over. How much she is looking forward to visiting Cass again before rehearsal one day, ordering a brown sugar coffee boba hybrid drink that she’d strung together out of indecision (and then decided she liked.)

She wasn’t usually a sugar-in-coffee drinker. But she’d make an exception.

Part way home she takes off her shoes, not minding the way the road abrases her feet. She’d dealt with worse. Her laughter did not cease.

She’s drunk on excitement, despite the concerns about that quite awry meeting with the server. Despite her nervousness regarding Hiro and making a good first impression. Despite her worry that Elinor may be doing too much.

And Moon is forced to think about how wrong she had been earlier. How the Moonlight suits Cass too. Her braided crown looked more like a silver halo.

Well, it was born of sunlight wasn’t it?

Could they not be so opposite after all?

Cass looks more like a queen now than she had before. There’s a fondness in that thought. Moon was a Countess, a Lady at most formal address. Cass was like something far greater. 

“Get some sleep, Cass,” Moon says, after seeing her safely home. Arguably, it could go the other way around. But Moon had access to a light sword at all times and was not to be messed with. Also, She insisted.

And then she’s by herself, adjusting her eyes to the dark. She barely needs glasses. Maybe in the dark they’d be helpful. But she’s a light sorceress, so how much could the darkness really harm her?

Her hand stings. She keeps walking, dancing lights guiding her way. For the first time in a long time, she drops the guard on her hand. 

She holds the picture, standing at the threshold of her apartment. Picture and purse in one hand, key in the other. It feels almost wrong. But then again, every other time, it’s been an illusion. 

Cass had held her hand when the photo was taken. Moon is holding the picture now.

Cass, you are a light upon this world. And maybe, one day, I’ll be able to hold light like yours.

She knows she has to give the photo back later, for Hiro to duplicate. But for now, she sets it on her kitchen table, leaning up against a tea canister.

It’ll be a perfect reminder in the morning, when her own fairytale spell has broken and everything returns to the way that it was.

[majkemaniiia]

A Character Reference that She would Deny Writing to her Grave?

(In reference to a certain @apennywasted)

[deathclaw-for-cutie]

Earlier this year (2024), I found this video while idly scrolling through YouTube. I watched it over and over, fascinated. I finally decided to look on AO3, a site I knew about but had never visited.

I discovered "para bellum" by @lilacretrograde. I discovered "Wrong Kind of Preacher, Wrong Kind of Church" and "Call Me Angel Again" by @odd-ball-out. "White Lies and Fireflies" by @aviatorfics. So many more, but these are the first ones, the ones I remember the best, the ones that made me finally understand the phrase "reading this changed my brain chemistry."

After a childhood spent writing and drawing (original things as well as what would now be called fanfiction and fanart), I hadn't done any writing at all in years. I hadn't drawn anything in years. Decades.

I started writing "Cat in a Hot Tin Suit". I came back to Tumblr, and found @hpysprkl and @lordsammichsilas and @hancocksbestgirl and so, so many others.

After literal decades of nothing, I've been writing almost every single day since late June. At least a few hundred words, sometimes thousands. I've started drawing again.

I started posting my silly, self-indulgent, self-insert fanfic, and to my complete and utter shock, other people actually liked it. Knowing that people have bookmarked it, have subscribed to it, is terrifying, humbling, and invigorating.

Your stories, your art, inspired me to get back to who I was before I shut myself away years ago. Rediscovering my creativity has brought me so much joy, so much pride in my own accomplishments, and brought people into my life that I never would have met otherwise (okay also the Halloween Boop Wars of 2024, but mostly the art).

So...yeah. Fallout brought me back to life. You all brought me back to life. Thank you. Love you.

xoxo

Izzie

[srbachchan]

DAY 6034

J,Mum Aug 25, 2024 Sun 6:52 pm

Birthday - EF - Harshavardhan Ghatapanadi Monday, 26 August ... our best wishes on this day .. ❤️

🪔 ,

On Janmashtami and everyday may the blessings of Shri Krishna ever be upon us within and without .. 🪈✨📿

August 26 .. birthday greetings to Ef Harshvardhan Ghatapanadi and Ef Garvita Channi .. love and 🙏🏻❤️🚩

the day has been in the work on the body and the mind .. and eventually with the DAY of the GOJ .. and the joy and heartwarming responses that the Ef and the well wishers , spend their time and energy to be at the gates and to express their love ..

it has been such an overwhelming moment and one that has been so overwhelmingly been a joy of immense proportions ..

my gratitude as ever ..

and now as I wait for the evening captures .. a moment with the game , CHELSEA ..

see all in a bit ..

AB

11 :06 PM .. Jalsa, Mumbai Aug 25, 2024

.. the lightness of food .. the rhythm of exercise and stretches .. the abstinence from supplements of fizz and pain relief .. and and and the discovery of a strain of music that wins the day and perhaps many days ..

aah .. the dhun .. the words .. the voice .. the simplicity of it all yet so shatteringly emotive .. water in the eyes without effort .. and the solitude of the one by the self .. a lifetime to be spent thus ..

and the followers of the 'impotency of content' .. the polluting emblem of thought and word .. keep away from my liberty of thought .. your desperation is so apparent .. the non aesthetically mounted, corrupt, ethically damaged .. rest well with your troubled conscience .. there can be no greater counselled enlightenment ..

flores para los muertos

Amitabh Bachchan

[livinglycan]

☽ ~ The sand shifts beneath your paws and the scent of salt fills your nostrils ~ 𓃥

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ "𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚍, 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍" ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Ello!! You can call me Theo, Ari, or Feng! I'm transmasc and my pronouns are He/It/That + any dog or (were)wolf related neos! I'm (feralromantic) aroallo, MLM/Gay, wolfdog freak, and objectum.

Feralromantic and wolfdog freak are both coins termed by me!

I am a werewolf. This is not a kintype, I am physically a werewolf. I’ll still post under the werewolfkin tags because I feel like werewolfkin can relate to my experience. I am a therian and otherkin but stuff relating to that can be found on my main blog, @confused-canid where I interact from. I appreciate the use of tone tags for me!

This blog is for me posting about me being a werewolf, or werewolf related things! This could be my selfships, art writings, etc.! My tags are: #Running with the wolves🐺 - Talking with my mutuals! #Howling at the moon🌕 - Original posts that are text! #Weird little claw marks✏️ - My art! This will usually be paired with text so it will be tagged as #Howling at the moon🌕 and as #Weird little claw marks✏️! #yapping back🌙 - Responding to asks! #Tasty posts🦴 - reblogs relating to this blog but not therian related or my own (usually used for posts I’m saving for later), #Rabies🥩 - Gore, animal death, angry stuff, and other things that make me hungry, #Home🌲 - Heart-home (Vancouver island) stuff, #Mother🏹🦌 - Artemis worship related things, #Little wolf🐾 - Agere posts (rbs and original ones

Theriotypes:

~Harlequin great Dane

~Bottlenose dolphin

~Western coyote (unsure what type but one that lives in or near Kansas, prairie dwelling)

~Leopard seal

~ Rocky mountain Bighorn sheep

Kintypes:

~Merfolk

~Two legged dragon

~Marble fox Kitsune

Others:

~Equidae clado hearted

~Changeling holothere

~ Lemon shork (Kaiju paradise)

~ Like slime pup (Kaiju paradise)

~ Nightcrawler (Kaiju paradise)

~ Chocolate sprinklekit (Kaiju paradise)

~ Lockheed SR-71 blackbird

DNI: Basic DNI criteria+, NSFW blog, make a lot of nsfw posts about werewolves, Radqueer, RCTA, Proship or any variants of it, Demonizes cluster B disorders or delusions/are an ableist, Zionist/pro Israel (Get tf off my blog. Seriously. Like, leave right now. I will maul you.), antikin, fakeclaimer, anti researched self diagnoses, pro Trump, pro Biden (Trump is bad and so is Joe. He is directly funding the genocide against Palestine.), anti ACAB, Pro contact for harmful paras (People w/ big 3 and other harmful (if acted on) paras can interact but don’t go against the rest of my DNI. I hope you can recover, I'm proud of you. You can do this.), anti atypical dysphoria, or are here to debate me about my identity.

Anyways, bye creatures!

Last updated July Fith 2024

I live in the central daylight timezone / CT, in case you want to talk

a lot of this was just to show off these dividers

^silly little werewolf gif collage ^^

[nerdygaymormon]

Affirmation Mexico's 2024 Conference

As vice-president of Affirmation, I spoke at the 2024 Affirmation Mexico conference. Afterwards one lady came over and said she’s a mama dragon and every word rang true.💖

They are starting an Affirmation Magazine for Mexico and asked if they could print my speech in their first edition. Isn’t that sweet?

Here's what I said and the Spanish translation

————————————————————

My name is David Doyle. I was born in Canada and live in Florida. I am a Latter-day Saint. I am gay. And I am vice president of Affirmation. I am delighted to be here. I will share some thoughts about finding joy as an LGBTQ person.

Mi nombre es David Doyle. Nací en Canadá y vivo en Florida. Soy un Santo de los Últimos Días. Soy gay. Y soy vicepresidente de Afirmación. Estoy encantado de estar aquí. Compartiré algunas ideas sobre cómo encontrar la alegría como persona LGBTI.

Most of us grew up having cisgender straight people tell us what our life should look like, what our expectations should be, what they consider a successful life for us. We heard them say how they think queer people should behave and what we should look like. We grow up knowing ourselves through what straight people have told us we should be. It was about making cis straight people comfortable, not about bringing us joy.

La mayoría de nosotros crecimos con personas heterosexuales cisgénero que nos decían cómo debería ser nuestra vida, cuáles deberían ser nuestras expectativas, qué consideran ellos una vida exitosa para nosotros. Les escuchamos decir cómo creen que deberían comportarse las personas queer y cómo deberíamos lucir. Crecemos conociéndonos a nosotros mismos a través de lo que las personas heterosexuales nos han dicho que deberíamos ser. Se trataba de hacer que las personas cis heterosexuales se sintieran cómodas, no de traernos alegría.

The actual journey of an LGBTQ person to self love, to authenticity, is to develop a self image unmediated by straight people's approval. When queer people accept and understand ourselves it opens 1000 doors of possibility

El viaje real de una persona LGBTI hacia el amor propio, hacia la autenticidad, es desarrollar una imagen de sí misma sin la aprobación de las personas heterosexuales. Cuando una persona queer se acepta y se comprende a sí misma, se abren 1000 puertas de posibilidades.

Part of being joyfully authentic is learning to release those expectations for what others say your life should look like and instead figure out what you want your life to be like. For most of us, it’s not until we come out that we get to start figuring out for ourselves how to be queer. It's then that we can start making choices for queer joy instead of straight comfort.

Parte de ser alegremente auténtico es aprender a liberar esas expectativas sobre cómo otros dicen que debería ser tu vida y, en cambio, descubrir cómo quieres que sea tu vida. Para la mayoría de nosotros, no es hasta que salimos del armario que empezamos a descubrir por nosotros mismos cómo ser queer. Es entonces cuando podemos empezar a elegir la alegría queer en lugar de la comodidad heterosexual.

When I was in the closet, I began a blog where I would write about my experiences as a gay Mormon. I wanted to be anonymous so I didn’t use my name, but I had to call the blog something so I named it “Nerdy Gay Mormon.” 

Cuando estaba en el armario, comencé un blog donde escribía sobre mis experiencias como mormón gay. Quería ser anónimo, así que no usé mi nombre, pero tuve que llamar al blog de alguna manera, así que lo llamé "Nerdy Gay Mormon". En español, “Mormón gay ñoño".”

One day a blog post went viral, over 500,000 views. Everyone who knew me recognized me in the story even though it didn’t have my name. Suddenly I was out to everyone in my life. At first it was scary, but soon I was glad to be out because I could start making choices for joy. I remember thinking, “Do I wear the clothes I do because I like them or because they’re what I chose to wear as part of trying to pass as straight?” It was time to become curious about myself, to try new things and discover what I like.

Un día, una publicación de blog se volvió viral y obtuvo más de 500.000 visitas. Todos los que me conocieron me reconocieron en la historia aunque no tenía mi nombre. De repente salí del armario con todos en mi vida. Al principio me dio miedo, pero pronto me alegré porque podía empezar a tomar decisiones con alegría. Recuerdo haber pensado: "¿Uso la ropa que uso porque me gusta o porque es la que elegí usar para tratar de pasar por heterosexual?". Ya era hora de sentir curiosidad por mí mismo, de probar cosas nuevas y descubrir lo que me gusta.

Week by week and month by month I felt my confidence grow. I felt like I was becoming gayer and gayer day by day. It is like feeling your power grow. 

Semana tras semana y mes tras mes sentí que mi confianza crecía. Sentí que me estaba volviendo cada vez más gay día a día. Es como sentir crecer tu poder.

Soon I attended an Affirmation conference and found a community of people who understood me and my experiences. I found my people.

Pronto asistí a una conferencia de Afirmación y encontré una comunidad de personas que me entendían a mí y a mis experiencias. Encontré a mi gente.

Being LGBTQ can and should be easy, but we have the world, church, and your family who may be telling you that you have to be one thing and act a certain way, and nothing else is acceptable. When people say they have a problem with you, they're right, it's THEIR problem and they want to make it YOUR problem. Your spirit is just trying to get you to be yourself.

Ser LGBTI puede y debe ser fácil, pero tenemos al mundo, a la iglesia y a tu familia que pueden estar diciéndote que tienes que ser una cosa y actuar de cierta manera, y que nada más es aceptable. Cuando la gente dice que tiene un problema contigo, tienen razón, es SU problema y quieren convertirlo en TU problema. Tu espíritu sólo está tratando de hacerte ser tú mismo.

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, the ones who are against you are the ones who believe the most in your power. Think on that, you have power. Claim your power. There's a zillion other things someone could be doing with their time, so why are they choosing to spend their precious time on earth to persecute you? It's because you're powerful, they fear your power.

Te contaré un pequeño secreto, los que están en tu contra son los que más creen en tu poder. Piensa en eso, tienes poder. Reclama tu poder. Hay un millón de otras cosas que alguien podría estar haciendo con su tiempo, entonces, ¿por qué eligen gastar su precioso tiempo en la tierra para oponerse a usted? Es porque eres poderoso, temen tu poder.

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. I didn't think I was "powerful," I hid who I was and always worried if people knew the real me that they would reject me. I used to think one day I could get to be somebody. The fact that you and I survived and have made it here, regardless of when you came out or even if you haven't yet fully come out, it's something to be celebrated.

La forma más común en que las personas renuncian a su poder es pensando que no lo tienen. No creía que fuera "poderoso", escondía quién era y siempre me preocupaba que si la gente conocía mi verdadero yo me rechazarían. Solía pensar que algún día podría llegar a ser alguien. El hecho de que tú y yo hayamos sobrevivido y hayamos llegado hasta aquí, independientemente de cuándo saliste o incluso si aún no lo has hecho por completo, es algo que debe celebrarse.

Vincent van Gogh is one of the most famous painters, his works are considered priceless. The thing is, he died broke, only 1 of his paintings is known to have sold during his lifetime, just 4 months before his death .At the conclusion of Vincent's life, people could easily proclaim him a failure. In contrast, we now say he's a stunning success, we proclaim him a visionary, a genius, his paintings rank among the most well known in all the world. Consider this question, at what point should we consider van Gogh successful?

Vincent van Gogh es uno de los pintores más famosos, sus obras se consideran invaluables. La cuestión es que murió arruinado, solo se sabe que una de sus pinturas se vendió durante su vida, solo 4 meses antes de su muerte. Al final de la vida de Vincent, la gente fácilmente podría proclamarlo como un fracaso. Por el contrario, ahora decimos que es un éxito, lo proclamamos un visionario, un genio, sus pinturas se encuentran entre las más conocidas del mundo. Considere esta pregunta: ¿en qué momento deberíamos considerar que Van Gogh tuvo éxito?

I’m going to suggest that he was a success because he was himself, he didn't try to live someone else's life. Being authentic, doing what brought him joy and fulfillment, that made him a success. He was a success the moment he decided this is his life, this is what he wants, this is what he'll work at. Unfortunately, it took the world time to catch up, the world was late. 

Voy a sugerir que tuvo éxito porque era él mismo, no intentó vivir la vida de otra persona. Ser auténtico, hacer lo que le produjo alegría y satisfacción, eso lo convirtió en un éxito. Fue un éxito en el momento en que decidió que esta es su vida, esto es lo que quiere, esto es en lo que trabajará. Desafortunadamente, al mundo le tomó tiempo ponerse al día, el mundo llegó tarde.

You, wanting to be more authentic about who you are and how you experience life, you who are taking steps to bring joy and fulfillment into your life, you're a success. You know how I thought one day I hoped I would get to be somebody? You are somebody NOW. Do not wait for the world to tell you that you are a success, the world is always late. Follow your inner compass, the second you start walking in the direction it's pointing, you're a success. If something unexpectedly brings you joy, follow where it leads.

Tú, que quieres ser más auténtico acerca de quién eres y cómo experimentas la vida, tú que estás tomando medidas para traer alegría y plenitud a tu vida, eres un éxito. ¿Recuerdas que esperaba algún día llegar a ser alguien? Eres alguien AHORA. No esperes a que el mundo te diga que eres un éxito, el mundo siempre llega tarde. Sigue tu brújula interior, en el momento en que comiences a caminar en la dirección que apunta, serás un éxito. Si algo inesperadamente te trae alegría, sigue hacia donde te lleve.

I'm a work in progress. It's been less than 10 years since I fully came out. I'm still working on me. I'm in therapy dealing with the harm that came from believing what others said about queer people, from hiding myself from others and trying to deny this important part of myself. I’ve had to get help for internalized homophobia, low self esteem, social anxiety, and recently for an eating disorder.

Soy un trabajo en progreso. Han pasado menos de 10 años desde que salí del armario por completo. Todavía estoy trabajando en mí. Estoy en terapia lidiando con el daño que me produjo creer lo que otros decían sobre las personas queer, esconderme de los demás y tratar de negar esta parte importante de mí. Tuve que buscar ayuda por homofobia internalizada, baja autoestima, ansiedad social y recientemente por un trastorno alimentario.

It's really difficult to live life at war with yourself. That doesn't bring joy. It's a blessing if we can always be comfortable being ourselves. I'm still working on this. To be joyfully authentic is to accept and love yourself, even the LGBTQ parts which you were taught to hide.

Es realmente difícil vivir la vida en guerra contigo mismo. Eso no trae alegría. Es una bendición si siempre podemos sentirnos cómodos siendo nosotros mismos. Todavía estoy trabajando en esto. Ser alegremente auténtico es aceptarte y amarte a ti mismo, incluso las partes LGBTI que te enseñaron a ocultar.

Most of us in this room are current or former Latter-day Saints, and we are familiar with a verse from the Book of Mormon which says that people are that they might have joy. We exist to have joy! 

La mayoría de nosotros en esta sala somos Santos de los Últimos Días actuales o anteriores, y estamos familiarizados con un versículo del Libro de Mormón que dice que las personas existen para tener gozo. ¡Existimos para tener alegría!

A good life is not out of your reach. A good life will take some effort — but you knew that, right? It may mean changing the expectations for your life and opening the door to possibilities. The important thing is that it's in your control. To be joyfully authentic is a choice, and it's also a journey. The journey is easier when we have a community, like Affirmation.

Una buena vida no está fuera de tu alcance. Una buena vida requiere algo de esfuerzo, pero eso lo sabías, ¿verdad? Puede significar cambiar las expectativas de tu vida y abrir la puerta a posibilidades. Lo importante es que está bajo tu control. Ser alegremente auténtico es una elección y también un viaje. El viaje es más fácil cuando tenemos una comunidad, como Affirmation.

I wish you a joyful journey with many friends.  

Te deseo un viaje alegre con muchos amigos y amigas.

[cielob03]

Art from April 2024. [Current design of my self insert].

According to Lito (my self insert), killing people is prohibited, but not to torture them?! 😱

Please accompany me and Alastor on this friendly outing, together with our strange and questionable morals in the hell of Hazbin Hotel 🦊🦌🔪🩸 .

.

.

[Diálogos]

Alastor: Sonríe, querida! Hoy es un día maravilloso para comer helado y matar pecadores repugnantes!

Cielo: Ugh! Aly... Tu sabes que no mato personas, incluso si son pecadores horribles... PERO, no estoy en contra de torturar a esas almas desagradables por la eternidad, venadito.

Alastor: HAHA! Trato hecho entonces! Por fin tenemos un plan para hoy, mi pequeño zorrito azul!

✨💙 I hope you like it! :3 💙✨

[mister-intru]

Need ko lang talaga ipost ito dito para mabasa ko ulit incase na makalimutan ko sa mga dadaan na araw.

Simula kasi nung pumasok ang nov, tamad na tamad na ako. At hindi ko namalayan last friday na ng nov2024. Kaya message ko na ito sa sarili ko para sa mga darating na araw:

Patapos na ang 2024 pero hindi ibig sabihin ay tapos ka na rin. Malayo ka pa sa mga gusto mong patunguhan. Nakakapagod. Pero huwag ka muna mapagod. Hindi ko sinasabing magmadali, okay lang mabagal huwag ka lang huminto.

Totoo. Matatapos na nga ang 2024 pero hindi pwedeng kakalimot ka na ulit at back to zero na naman. Hindi effective ang back to zero sayo, alam mo yan. Level up lang Ru. Napatunayan mo na yan. Kaya mo yan.

Let’s win in silence lang boy.

Tho monitor mo pa rin bad habits mo. Pero wag na masyadong harsh kapag may errors sa life.

—//—

Yep. Marami pa ako gusto sabihin sayo self pero ito palang sumasagi sa utak ko. Mwah.

[idolbound]

LET'S GET REACQUAINTED ! hey rpc ! lets be honest, datv brought us all back in one way or another either you're a veteran or new, i'm sure there is stuff that has changed or we don't know each other so let's have a game about it to reintroduce each other ! repost this to do the same & tag some pals if you want !

Name / Penname: Lexie for veterans, did you go by something previously ? if so what was it if you're comfortable sharing that name &/or penname: Nope, I've always gone by Lexie. age & gender( if comfortable sharing ): 30, female what was your first dragon age muse: I want to say it was my Cassandra, originally @stabbystabseeker , then I had my Hawke and Inquis both for a hot second as well as Meredith in 2015. do you have any other darp muses / blogs: I have Cassandra, my Rook, and soon to be Rana Savas on my multi @afraidofchange what muses / blogs do you have outside of darp: Mostly still just my multi, but I did throw my D&D/Bg3 Paladin Rama on a solo blog for the time being @wolfbluff thedas has two moons: true | false - is that not the canon?

single line, para, or novella: all of the above, but I don't like single line stuff to go on for more than a few replies/single evening. I need at least some exposition and description lol. plotting or winging it: Typically memes or plotting more generally. It doesn't have to be super specific but I like having mutually shared ideas. fighting threads, you bold enough for them?: I write a villain with a boss fight; of course I'm down to write them. Meredith is also a powerful templar, and isn't afraid to fuck someone up. (this would require plotting, obviously no god modding, but yknow). what content warnings are on your blog?: Drug usage with lyrium (or cocaine in modern verse), violence, PTSD, violence, gore/blood, uh, genocide of the Circle mages, etc. I don't sanitize Meredith, but I approach these topics with respect. what things do you need tagged for your comfort?: suicide & self-harm.

shipping preferences: single | multi | no ship | polyship (sorry Meredith is polyphobic xoxo)- typically, I'm open to separate ships, but because of who Meredith is, some plotting is necessary - I do not change her character to suit a ship (but I have a greater ability to ship her in post-DA2 verses or modern verse, where she isn't as limited). shipping boundaries: Meredith is a lesbian. I ship her with other female muses. She's also between 35-45 years of age during the Kirkwall timeline, and while I'm open to certain age gaps, I prefer to at least ship her with someone 25+ and has their frontal lobe fully developed. I'm pretty selective with my ships, but if there's a vibe, I'd be interested in exploring it (casual, short or long term). favorite ships in dragon age: There are so so many canon x canons, but if we're gonna count romance options in the games: Morrigan/Warden, Isabela/f!Hawke, Cassandra/Inquis, Neve/Rook. favorite ships from the rpc( tag your friends ships ! ): There are a few whose URLs are escaping me but trust me when I say that I see you, especially those of us that have been writing the same ships w the same people for years. So shout out to @sanctamater for writing Kirkwall's Worst Sapphics together <3

fun facts about yourself that may have changed since in the past ten years( when inquisition dropped )--

I moved halfway across the country and I'm 2.5 years into writing my doctorate. (Also it's been almost 10 years since I started writing Mere). My best friend is due with twins any day now (we only know Baby A is female, we still don't know what Baby B's sex is because they've kept their legs closed this entire time), but I'll be an auntie before 2024 is out.

be honest, did you miss darp. come on now--

I missed a lot of the people I wrote with back in the day and thankfully many of them have come back. I don't miss the crazy insane drama / insane behaviour that happened in this RPC, and quite frankly, I do wish more people would branch out and write more actually sapphic women, dwarves, and villains / morally grey protagonists (beyond blood mage Hawkes for example).

challenge round ! put a small top five things unrelated to dragon age !

Let's do Music things since spotify wrapped just dropped:

Chappell Roan's rise to stardom in 2024 (but I was a fan about a year before because @magicbound recommended me Red Wine Supernova on Discord).

Brat Summer.

Katie Gavin's solo album What a Relief emotionally destroyed me because it released a week after my break up, but I still bought it on vinyl.

Cat Burns did not only a cover of I like the way you kiss me but she also did teenage dirtbag and they're both amazing!

Megan Thee Stallion is the greatest rapper of our generation. I said what I said.

tagging: @sanctamater @theharellan @theodosiani @prophetries

[cagenewman]

NOVEMBER 20, 2024 SELF PARA

Cage & Cordelia are honeymooning in Wyoming from November 16th through 22nd when they receive a phone call on the 21st from Colton that changes their lives forever. Gentle warning that the self para contains brief mentions of death and parental loss, as well as anxiety. Written with @cordelianewman!

He had heard it a hundred times: there were always going to be little moments in your life that defined who you were. What kind of husband, father, lover... man. Good things and bad things that happened to you, around you, shaped you in ways that you couldn't have ever imagined, and whether or not you saw them coming, they were still going to happen.

Cage just hadn't expected it to happen on his honeymoon.

Life since the wedding had been a delightful combination of 'bliss' and 'as you were.' Cordelia had resumed classes, that delicate balance between student, mother and wife, and Cage had gone back into the folding, working diligently in the shop at orders that they needed to get done by Christmas time, visiting the job site that they were currently working on, barking orders and picking kids up after various practices and school hours. Colton and Shawn were busy prepping for playoff football, and Rosalyn... well, she would always rule the house. By the time that Saturday morning had rolled around and Cage found himself setting down his suitcase, nearly tackling his wife onto the oversized bed with a rumbling laugh that matched her giggle... 'as you were' had melted away completely into bliss.

And the week had been good to them so far, spending their time adventuring through wildlife tours, spending quality time in their private hot tub, long walks in Grand Teton National Park, horseback riding, and of course, most importantly, spending time with each other. Those might have been his favorite moments, waking up next to her, a leg thrown loosely over his, delicate fingers tracing shapes through the sparse smattering of blonde hairs on his chest, that familiar scent of her shampoo connecting past and present in his brain. Every morning, he woke up grateful, basked in the glow, the golden warmth; every morning, he made love to her like it would be the first and last time that he ever had the chance to touch her, kiss her, be with her.

Until the phone rang on Wednesday, before either of them had woken, before the sun had even finished rising, before they were ready for what was to come.

Groaning, pressing up from her stomach, blonde hair cascading over her face, brushing it out of the way. “I swear if that’s a telemarketer I will absolutely instill the fear of everything into them.” Leave it up to Cordelia willing to threaten someone just doing their job, but she really was just tired from being up far too late. Those late nights in the hot tub and lost bikinis that turned into nights in bed were really catching up.

"Hopefully just a wrong number," he murmured, pushing himself up, onto his arm to lean over his wife, picking up his phone and squinting in the dark. But the name rang alarm bells, and Cage found himself sitting up quickly, his voice hoarse with leftover sleep, "it's Colton -- hey, kid, everything okay?"

"Can you come home?"

The panic that ran through him was sudden, heavy, a vice grip around his heart, squeezing in his chest, holding tight. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Is your sister okay?" His siblings, Cordelia's siblings, the barn, the house, his business, had something happened in town, were the animals okay -- he was reminded of the time that he had taken the call from the home nurse, asking him to come home from his trip with Colton, to be there for his father, to spend some time at home.

When he mentioned that it was Colton, she squinted to look at the clock, it was super early there in Jackson Hole, Wyoming but that meant it was still early-ish in Merrock. Shifting onto her side she brushed her hair back again and shifted to sit up, pulling the sheet tight around her slim frame as she leaned over pulling on her nightgown. Furrowing her brows she shifted to move closer to Cage and leaned her head in, trying to hear the conversation and what was going on. By the way Cage was acting it wasn’t good.

"I'm okay, Rosalyn's okay, Shawn -- it's, his parents, dad."

It came pouring out of his son then; Shawn's parents were gone. The details, in that moment, didn't matter. Cage wanted to feel relief, he wanted to feel at ease that Colton, Rosalyn and Shawn were okay, that it wasn't his brothers or sisters, but it didn't come when everything flowed through his mind -- playing football with Travis, sleepovers for his birthday, Cordelia and Maddie hanging out after practice as kids. Colton growing up with Shawn, just a grade behind, following in his footsteps. Cook-outs and movie nights once they had gotten back together. They were friends, they had been friends for so long... his stomach rolled, bringing a hand up to his face, covering his mouth, unsure of what to say as Cordelia took the phone, speaking quietly to his son.

As the phone was handed to her she took a breath, eyes filled with tears, her chest tight, feeling like she couldn’t expand her ribs big enough to take a full breath but she did anyway, forcing herself. Keeping her voice steady even though she could feel it shake in her throat. Cordelia was off the bed before her legs could even understand and stumbled slightly. “I promise, we’re going to be home as soon as we can, I’m going to get the first flight home, okay baby?” Her voice soothing, trying to quell any fear in Colton’s voice. Obviously she could hear his fear with his voice, Shawn’s parents had been traveling, and now they would be. “We will be home okay? Repeat what I said, okay? I need you to hear it.” Letting him say it. After a short time phones were exchanged and now it was Cordelia roughly packing things into bags, and grabbing things. She didn’t care other than getting home to their kids. Their kids. It hit her, these were their kids. Shawn was their kid, he had been since the beginning of the school year, and now — well, was there any denying what this would be? Her fingers worked furiously on the phone to get tickets, hell she’d drain their bank account for a private jet that you could rent for a few hours just to fly if she had to. Thankfully they didn’t have to come to that as she was able to secure the first flight in less than two hours, tossing more things into bags just wanting to get home. Cordelia needed to get home to see them safe, to hold them, to hold Shawn, to make them as safe as possible.

And Cage needed a plan, needed to figure out what they were supposed to do next, where they were supposed to go. He was vaguely aware of voices as he picked himself up from the bed, beginning to throw clothes in the suitcase, joined by Cordelia a few moments later, Colton on speaker phone as she set it on the edge of the night stand, where they could both hear him. There was a nervous edge to his voice, a certain pleading that he hadn't heard from his son before, not for a long time, something he didn't want to hear again, anytime soon. He tried to soothe him, reminding him that he could call Kellan or Lucie, one of them would come over if his cousin wasn't enough to keep them comfortable, if they needed extra support, assured him that Cordelia was on her phone booking a flight, and then Shawn's voice cut in, the deep timbre he had gotten used to hearing over the past few months since he had come to live with them.

"My sister, Cienna. She's in Minnesota."

At the mention of the sister their eyes met, and she knew, she didn’t need to say anything, he didn’t, she knew what she would do, just as much as he would do the same thing. They’d keep them a family, they’d be their family, they’d do whatever Shawn needed, but first things first, they needed to get them home.

It was just a moment of silence, but a thousand things were said between them in that one glance. Cage's fingers reached out to find Cordelia's, curling around her hand and giving it a squeeze. This must have been what they were talking about, one of those moments, one of those times that made you who you were, that defined who you were going to be. She didn't need to ask him, and he didn't need to say that they would, because they both knew where they were going, and they knew what they were going to do, and it didn't matter if they hadn't seen any of this coming, it didn't matter that it was going to change their lives forever. When he spoke, it was as much to himself, to Cordelia, as it was to the boys.

"We'll get her home."

[qwertyofmylife]

Menyala Hidupku ✨️

Oleh: "Z. ABDUR." : Zaky Abdurrahman

Dalam catatan sanubari.

Seperempat abad lebih 730 hari.

Jantung berdetak zaman berdetik tak henti.

Melepas isak berlinang 16 Agustus silam.

Penggalan sya'ir, "Kangennya masih ada di setiap waktu, kadang aku menangis bila aku perlu" itu nyata. Tak kunjung tenggelam.

Muak dipecundangi dosa.

Lelah berkutat dengan nelangsa.

Menyala Temaramku,

Syahdan angin membadai akan menghujam jiwa.

Bila kakiku jauhi dataran menggapai angkasa raya.

Sepi berkawan sunyi.

Pamit jua berpisah, hal biasa dan berakhir seorang diri.

Menyala Malamku,

Masyhur katanya, bila pohon menua.

Batang rantingnya meninggi akar menghujam inti bumi.

Hembus di atas lebih riuh berisik,

ketimbang nyanyian lembut ilalang rerumputan nan berbisik.

Habis raga sekarat jiwa.

Pertanda redup iman di dada.

Bergulat tak kenal hari melawan diri.

Menyelisihi Iblis jua nafsu angkara.

Nan berbala tentara para pendengki berbahan bakar nestapa berkawan rasa putus asa.

Menyala Letihku,

Bukankah Tuhan tak peduli dosa-dosaku, bila taubat, istiqomah teriring ampunan-Nya lah tempat berpulang dan harga matiku?

2023 kala itu,

Mengenang memori hitam.

Monster anomali bangkit dari kubur alam bawah sadarku.

Aku 'gendeng' gila, kata manusia sedarahku.

Aku mendengar padahal sunyi sekitarku.

Aku tak nyaman padahal tanpa masalah dengan sekelilingku.

Aku terintimidasi oleh kepalaku sendiri, padahal tak ada satupun yang ingin penggal leherku.

Hingga belulang telapak kanan jadi saksi.

Amarah tak terbendung hingga ia bergeser dislokasi.

Pikiran tuk akhiri hidup?

Makanan sehari-hari.

Tangis, hilang arah, kesepian, hilang asa?

Minuman usai makanan tiap hari, tiap waktu.

Menyala Hitamku,

Tuhan Sang Maha Semesta.

Berserta milyaran nan berjuta makhluk baik lainnya.

Takkan mampu mengubahku.

Bila kumenolak kasih-Nya.

Jika kutak acuh, seraya enggan berubah.

Takkan mampu menolongku.

Apabilaku enggan ditolong.

Sembari menolak pertolongan-Nya.

Mungkinkah hidup ini berakhir bahagia?

Bahagia bagiku, baginya yang terkasih, bagi sekitarku, bagi banyak insan senasibku, bagi agamaku, bagi bangsaku?

Mungkinkah kulayak, berpulang penuh kebaikan menemui-Mu wahai Kiblat Semesta?

Menutup nafas dan hayatku dengan tersenyum?

Berpulang bahagia, sementara bumi manusia menangis haru melepasku?

Menuju rumah, menyusul yang berpulang, menemui Kekasih-Mu, menemui sosok terkasihku, dan berakhir bersujud pada-Mu?

Mungkinkah kuberpulang dalam peluk rahmat-Mu?

Sedang hari ini kutak layak tuk Surga-Mu?

Menyala Matiku,

Meski terlalu mengandai berandai-andai.

Bila kematianku menyala, melahirkan para pembaharu.

Meski terlalu naif, berharap tutup usiaku bersama detik terakhir seruan panggilan 5 waktu-Mu.

Meski terlalu tinggi tuk berharap.

Engkau menjemputku, usai kumandangkan Asma-Mu dan Kekasih-Mu.

Sebagaimana ku dilahirkan dahulu.

Menyala Hidupku,

Selagi hariku masih menapak bumi, menatap langit bermentari, berpayung malam berembulan, dihias kerlip bintang-gemintang.

Wahai Engkau, Poros segala Keindahan.

Bolehkahku menjadi salah satu keindahan-Mu?

Bermandi pahit getir, ku Berdo'a.

Bersenjatakan Sabar ku Bersyukur.

Bogor, 18 September 2024

Rabu, 14 Rabiul Awal 1446 H

Di pembaringan dalam peraduan.

Seberang Kampus AKA Bogor, 900 meter dari Salam Bogor.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Wahai Engkau, Poros segala Keindahan.

Bolehkahku menjadi salah satu keindahan-Mu?

Bermandi pahit getir, ku Berdo'a.

Bersenjatakan Sabar ku Bersyukur.

*NTMS: Note to My Self - Catatan tuk diriku dan kalian sobat qwerty, pembaca yg berkunjung membaca:

Puisi itu adalah rangkuman hari-hariku semenjak melepas kepergian Almh. Ibu tertanggal 16 Agustus 2022 silam. Al-fatihah untuk beliau... Aamiin.

Dan ini sebuah catatan elaborasi ragam peristiwa sejak 2022 hingga hari ini, September 2024. Angka 730 hari lahir dari perkalian 365 kali dua.

Belakangan aku tersadar, mengapa ditinggal cinta dan kesepian selalu hadir? Karena masih ku gagal mencintai diri sendiri, sehingga mustahil ku mencintai sosok yang lain. Mustahil tulus mencintai, tulus memberi, ingin dicintai, padahal diriku yang terkadang pertama kubenci.

Terima kasih sudah membaca...mari bertukar do'a :') Do'aku untukmu: semoga baik-baik saja, sehat selalu, dan semoga mampir lagi ke blog qwerty of my life, ini.

[kimhortons]

five years.

on the 17th of February 2024, we celebrated our 5th year together. this was the first time na nag celebrate kami na ginastusan namin. thought we'd like to try something new, so nag book ako ng photo session sa isang self-shoot studio dito sa Legazpi.

may be something different sa photo booth like yung nasa Timezone na 1st year palang namin together, binalak na namin na hindi naman matuloy tuloy haha. then i got the idea when we had the experience last year with my bestfriend and her husband sa isang photo booth din non sa Trinoma. so why not try a photo session nalang din.

the experience was fun, kahit ang hirap picturan ni J kasi laging funny yung mukha niya at awkward yung smile niya—kailangan ko lagi siyang patawanin para makuha ko yung gusto kong smile niya. haha. actually, awkward narin ako mag pose, i'm not that confident enough narin para mag pose e haha ewan ko ba.

also, we had baby back ribs for our dinner date at Gringo. i find this really something special cos beside sa di nga kami nag cecelebrate masyado ng monthsary at anniversary, lagi lang din kami sa fast food kumakain. ito lang yung second time na gumastos kami ng libo para sa food namin. hehe. (medj kinikilig tuloy ako ngayon cos playing in the background ang Anchor by Novo Amor while typing this haha)

now i realized, na ang layo na pala talaga ng narating namin. dati nung LDR pa kami hindi kami nakakapag celebrate ng birthdays and anniversaries namin together, ang hirap kapag LDR diba. halos 2 years pa kami di nagkita nung pandemic. nito lang kami nakapag celebrate ng magkasama nung andito na ako.

ngayon, iba naman sa panunuod ng sine na usual na ginagawa namin tuwing monthsary or anniversary. hindi natuloy yung na-plan naming travel last year for this, so baka next year nalang. hehe.

dati lagi kong iniisip, ang tagal na namin pero never pa namin natry mag ganito, ganyan—nagtatampo pa ako kasi parang ang boring ng relationship namin. pero napagtanto ko, marami pa namang taon ang dadaan at pagsasamahan namin para itry lahat ng bago sa relasyon na 'to.