#a sad fucked up situation on all sides hope these guys get worse

[frootbyethefoot]

they're never bringing out the worst in us

[ID: two digital drawings of miu iruma and kokichi ouma from danganronpa v3: killing harmony. miu is crossing her arms and looking to the side with a blank, skeptical expression on her face. behind her is a silhouette of herself, drawn in all black, holding a hammer with a nervous expression. miu is colored in monochrome, and the background is bright red.

ouma is smiling, with a happy expression on his face. behind him is a silhouette of gonta gokuhara, drawn in all red, with a sad expression on his face, wrapping toilet paper around oumas neck. ouma is colored in a heavy red hue, while the background is pitch black. END ID/]

some silly doodles too! i draw so much stuff that makes me insane that i often forget the value of doodling A Silly Little Guy. ids in the alt text!

[princessbrunette]

we’ve talked about stepbro!rafe but what about stepbro!jj… 🤭🤭

i read this request whilst tipsy and giggled sm because oh my GOD

so let’s say jj’s dad kind of gets his act together, gets help or whatever— still an asshole, but not so awful anymore. jj’s relationship with him is still totally up in the air, but atleast he’s not a danger to himself or others anymore. he meets your mother, sad and recently single — and they become inseparable.

they’re great — really, JJ wasn’t the most trusting of this relationship at first, worried it would go up in flames and he’d have to pick up the pieces when his dad eventually spirals — but it seems they’re pretty good for eachother. he’d even go as far to say your mother brought the best out of his old man.

but that wasn’t really what he was focused on.

they moved in together pretty fast, and along with your mother — came you. god, so pretty — totally his type, like if he’d seen you at one of the pogue parties on the beach, he’d be all over you. sweet, in that girl next door way, cute smile, innocent. he feels sick.

where it was discussed before in my stepbro!rafe post, rafe has very little worry regarding the morality of the situation, happy to take you under his wing and bend you to his will. jj however, is just… better than that. he knows it’s wrong, recognises how fucked up it would be — but it doesn’t stop him from feeling a type of way toward you.

he tried to sister-zone you, ruffling you on your head and pinching your cheek and treating you the way he would a regular little sister — but that only made him feel worse, because he couldn’t stop the burning attraction he felt toward you bubbling in his gut like something that had been left on the stove for too long, steam clogging his brain.

you just seemed so oblivious to his constant battle, and if you weren’t so naive he’d think you were doing it on purpose. you always stood too close when you spoke to him, and he’d have to press his lips together in restraint at the way you’d look up at him through your lashes, big doe eyes melting the ice around his heart. sometimes you’d go as far as to touch his chest absentmindedly, and he’d think about how it would look to a bystander, his little step sister all over him like this, practically touching him up. god, it was wrong— but it made him so hard.

you didn’t seem to worry about how wrong it would look when you’d steal his t-shirts to sleep in, or kiss him on the cheek before he leaves to run around with his friends for the day. your parents were none the wiser, just happy to see the two of you were getting along. you’d even begged him to let you hang out with the pogues, and he couldn’t say no to you, so of course he allowed you — only to immediately regret his choice when he had to spend the day with you bouncing around in your little bikini, tits pressed to his side when you’d hug him, outline of your chubby cunt visible through the white bikini bottoms when you’d come out the water. he was visibly disgusted when he went home and jerked off that night. came a bunch of times, though.

the straw that broke the camels back was when he’d heard this… pathetic whining sound from your room, and being the great guy he was thought maybe you were injured or sad— only to find you, who thought you’d been home alone, face down on the bed, naked from the waist down, grinding your glossy pussy against a pillow. he was wrecked.

he begged himself to walk away, leave the room and you’d never know. hell, go be a pervert and jerk off over it in your room, you’ve seen enough — but he couldn’t, not whilst the opportunity was just presenting itself to him like this. he even had the audacity to hope you secretly knew he was home, and was hoping he’d find you. jj being jj chooses to awkwardly clear his throat, scrunching his face as you yelp, scrambling on the sheets to cover your dignity. there was no point covering yourself now however, the image of your pretty pussy was burned into his retinas, haunting him every time he blinked like someone had tattooed the sight to the inside of his eyelids as some kind of sick prank.

“hey, uh—” he starts, cringing at himself already. you fire off into a barrage of apologies, face all hot and tears at the ready.

“jayj, i had no idea you were home! i’m — i’m so sorry you had to see that i’ve just been so — so frustrated lately and needed to —”

he nods, scratching his cheek and comes to sit by you on the bed.

“you uh— you don’t have to apologise. i was gonna ask if you… need any help.”

once these things start, it’s hard to wrap them up. easy to let them go too far. that’s how you end up with his face between your legs, and then clenching around his fingers, and then shockingly— cumming around his cock. he’d had plenty of experience fucking, he messed with lots of girls in the past— but the way his heart swelled each time you whined his name, the way tears would slip from your eyes when you came, this was different. more intimate, shit— the L word even sprung to mind a few times.

he came all over your tummy, and even cleaned you up afterwards because you were too sleepy. once everything died down that guilt returned, biting at the inside of his abdomen and clawing around his throat as he stares at your ceiling, your warm body snuggling into him, breathing softly into his neck. he thinks he might have a heart attack when you sleepily mumble “y’such a good big brother jayj, thanks for lookin’ after me.”

he must be sick, perverted. especially because he knew he would be doing it again.

[stimpiess]

Thank you so much for following me. What's your favorite and least favorite Ren and Stimpy episodes?

No problem! I really like your art and stories :)

My favorite Ren and Stimpy episodes... Gosh, there's so many, this question is hard to answer!

If I had to pick one, it would be My Shiny Friend.

Such a gloomy, nightmarish, yet very fun episode (great, fitting color palette BTW)!

I like the two sided nature of this episode. Neither Ren or Stimpy is really in the right. While Stimpy's addiction to the television is concerning, it's not like Ren has the moral high ground either... he restricts when he goes to the fucking bathroom like an abusive boss, and he locked poor Stimpy in the basement for a year with no contact with other lifeforms! Do you know what that kind of solitary isolation DOES to a person?! It breaks them... I think it's worse than the time he tried to murder Stimpy in Stimpy's Fan Club, because that would at least be quick and painless, and he wouldn't have to live with trauma.

Look at Ren, weeping at and comforting Stimpy, as though he's so concerned for him. He actually thinks he's HELPING by locking him away in the pits of the basement to waste away and suffer. It's so beautifully tragic.

"Love You Stimpy" Yeah, given what Ren DOES to Stimpy in this episode, that could not be further from the truth. Or maybe he does love him in a fucked up, unhealthy way. Either way, Stimpy is still someone to be pitied. (Also I love the background music in this scene)!

The suffering begins. Note the decrepit 5'o clock shadow on Stimpy. He has been rotting in this dirty ass basement for quite some time already.

This nightmare scene always gives me the chills to think about. Not just because a distorted, heavily slowed down version of the Muddy Mudskipper song is playing in the background (love the atmosphere in this episode, did I mention that?), and the fact that we literally see Stimpy getting BLOODY eaten by Muddy, but also because of what it implies.

Stimpy has no real peers outside of Ren, who physically and verbally abuses him 24/7. Really, the only people who he can seek comfort from are idols like Muddy Mudskipper. So imagine being in a vulnerable position after being severely abused. You need someone to lean on so you can feel safe... That someone, for Stimpy, is Muddy. Stimpy states in this very episode he "loves" Muddy. Imagine that person you love, the only person you can count on to find comfort in when times are tough, the one single solace in your life, suddenly turns their back on you and beats the shit out of you and insults you. After you already had to deal with enough of that already. Not you too, Muddy! You can't be like that! You were... supposed to be... the only one... I loved... you... I thought you were different... I guess no one will love me. I have no one. Nothing...

I love the way Stimpy gets into fetal position. He's so fragile and helpless. But look at that mattress- there's clearly red blood stains on it.

This implies that Ren has been BEATING Stimpy until he bleeds during his time in the basement. I love the subtle little way they implied that. These hidden easter eggs make these episodes so rewatchable, it's like I'm uncovering a new story!

Love the dystopian, sad colors here. It looks so oppressive and I'm here for it! Stimpy looks like a helpless little kitten who has no idea where he is... I wanna hold his hand

The way Stimpy breaks when he realizes his fate. Soft, silent weeping. No hope. No soul left. No joy. Just cynicism and sadness overtake him. Poor fucking guy.

I love this episode for the two-sided conflict, the gut-wrenching atmosphere, the ways it makes you feel for Stimpy, and all the dark little implications about the characters in their situation. Everything I like to see in a Ren and Stimpy episode bundled up into one package.

Episodes like Ren Needs Help, Stimpy's Fanclub, Double Header, It's a Dog's Life, and Life Sucks are also enjoyable to rewatch for similar reasons. Stimpy's Invention is also one of my favorites but it's been talked about to death so I won't talk about it here.

Now, as for my least favorite episodes: It's rare I have any episodes in this show I actually dislike, so I will just list them off:

Untamed World: So boring and slow. The joke is "look, all the animals on the island look like ren and stimpy!" Repeat for the entire episode.

Hard Times For Haggis: Character nobody cares about gets the spotlight and all the pity while Ren and Stimpy who are supposed to be the main characters get sidelined. Lame. They spend most of the bloody episode bound and gagged, they have no fucking agency! Who the hell even likes Haggis, he's just a guy who is also a Scottish stereotype, and he's ugly lol...

Sven Hoek: An absolute fan favorite... Why? I'll copy paste what I had to say about Sven Hoek (both the character AND episode) from a deviantART comment I made a while back because he doesn't deserve the extra effort.

"his voice is annoying, he's ugly, he and stimpy have no chemistry whatsoever and don't play off each other at all (anything sven likes, stimpy likes too, it's like watching a two-headed idiot talk to himself. i like stimpy and ren's dynamic more because it provides more contrast).

there is nothing to like about him. as dumb as stimpy is, at least there are other things to like about him, like his kindness, compassion, willingness to help others and talent as an inventor. he's not completely worthless as a person.

what the fuck does sven provide? the only thing he does is be stupid and derp around with stimpy for 22 minutes. he is a waste of space with not a single worthwhile thought or action to bring to the table. i wish ren really did rip his lips out and tear his arms out of the sockets and gouge his eyes out! xd"

This episode basically had no plot. Sven and Stimpy fuck around, that's it. The only entertaining part of this episode is the ending. I liked seeing Ren threaten and verbally assasinate Sven and Stimpy. The characters all going to hell after Ren whizzed on the electric fence was funny too.

Ren's Brain: This is a rare time where I am sympathetic to Ren. This entire episode is about Stimpy intellectually crippling Ren and taking advantage of that for his selfish benefit. I admire Stimpy's intellect in regards to his neuroscience and outsmarting Ren, but the way he treats him like a puppet is not fun to watch. It's cruel. Cruelty is not in Stimpy's character. Why did he do something like that?

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to dump my thoughts out onto the internet like that! I really enjoyed it and I hope to see more asks like this in the future!

[bloodhoundluke]

place in me ⎮ luke hemmings

description: luke and you had a terrible fight. what luke didn't know was that things would only get a lot worse.

pairing: she/her x luke hemmings

warnings: LOTS of angst, death, cursing, mention of anxiety, let me know if there's anything else (this is a sad one so read at your own risk).

word count: 1,0k-ish

a/:n: okay, i f*cking love when facing the things we turn away from...so i wanted to give it a try to write something (probably short pieces, let's see) inspired by every song on the album. if you spot any mistakes (e.g. grammar), please do let me know!

this is pt. 4 of when facing the things we turn away from series.

Luke and his girlfriend, Y/N had a fight. Sure, they had fought before. But never like this. Luke knew he had let her down. Maybe this time in a way he couldn’t ever repay her. Maybe she wouldn’t ever come back. He didn’t mean her any harm; he loved her desperately. But his own head, his own messed up thoughts and anxiety, they sometimes came to ruin things. He knew he needed to change in order for this relationship to blossom. Or to work in general. 

She was so patient with him. She really tried to be there for him, but selfishly Luke didn’t want to accept her help. He pushed her away. Her patience grew thin as the weeks went by. Luke was barely home. She felt as if she didn’t even exist to him. This wasn’t the relationship she wanted. She couldn’t believe that the once so beautiful relationship had grown into something so damaged and dysfunctional. There was still love in her eyes and heart, but it seemed that the feeling of hurt was starting to replace the happy feelings.

Did she really mean what she said? “Luke, I can’t keep going on like this. You make me feel so invisible. I need to be alone”. Luke couldn’t believe how badly he had fucked up. And did she mean being single by ‘alone?’. Luke couldn’t stop overthinking the situation.

He couldn’t sleep last night. His mind was racing with thoughts. If genies were a real thing and he could hope for one thing, it’d be that she would come back to him. And he’d promise he’d treat her like she deserves to be treated. Not like he had treated her recently. He knew he had wronged her. He didn’t give her enough attention. Or love. He had made these mistakes in his past relationships and he couldn’t believe he had done them yet again. In his mind, heaven felt like her embrace. When her arms wrapped around his tired body when they were both starting to fall asleep. When she caressed his cheek and she made fun of his one-sided dimple. When it was just Luke and her. That was all that he wanted. How didn’t he see that before?

When the morning rolled by, Luke was anticipating a call from her. When they fought and she had left the house, she always called him first thing in the morning. He needed her. What if she didn’t call him? Would it all be over? Luke felt so desperate that the whole situation was turning pathetic. 

He was putting away dishes when his phone rang. Would it be Y/N? He wished it was. It turned out to be… Michael. Luke let out an angered growl and answered the call. 

“Yeah?”, he mumbled.

“Luke….”, Michael sighed.

“What? Is everything ok?”.

“It’s about Y/N”.

“Okay, yeah I know I fucked up, Mic-”

“No, no it’s not about that..”

“So what is it about?”, Luke sighs.

“She’s been in an accident. You need to come to the hospital right now”.

“W-what? Wha-what do you mean? An accident? What kind of an accident? Is she okay?”.

“She got hit by a car. A drunk driver. The situation is….”, Michael stopped explaining, as if he couldn’t bring himself into it. Or that's at least what Luke thought.

“Fuckin’ tell me Mike!”.

“It’s uncertain. She’s in surgery now”.

Luke grabbed his keys, jumped into his car and drove as fast as he could to the hospital. His tear-filled eyes were met by the guys. When he stepped into the waiting room, Michael, Calum and Ashton hugged him and shared their information with him. 

Three days had passed by. Luke hadn’t moved anywhere - other than the bathroom and to get food - beside the hospital bed. Y/N was in a coma. The doctor had explained that Y/N was lucky even to be alive. What if they hadn’t argued? This wouldn’t have happened. Luke blamed himself for the accident. What if she doesn’t wake up? He’ll never forgive himself. 

Hold on, I never meant you any harm, he thought. 

Three weeks passed by. Out of all the terrible things Luke had been through, this was the worst one, hands down. 

“It’s heaven in your arms”, he sobbed as he watched her lifeless looking frame on the hospital bed. How did he take everything for granted? This kind of love comes once in a lifetime and Luke couldn’t believe the things he had put her through. And if he doesn’t get the chance to tell her that….if she doesn’t wake up…Luke wouldn’t know what to do. What would his life be without Y/N? Losing her would be intolerable. 

Four months passed by. It was Friday, 2pm. The doctor called Luke to share the heart-wrenching news. She had passed away. Luke couldn’t believe what he heard. There was no way his Y/N was really gone. He refused to believe it. His aching body collapsed into his kitchen floor. The sobs were uncontrollable, like they would never end. 

How could he make sense of this world without her?

He was laying in his bed with Petunia next to him. He stared at the ceiling and remembered how frustrating it was when Y/N wouldn’t let him sleep because she wanted to talk about the silliest things possible. Now, ironically it was the thing he missed about her the most. How she knew such interesting and tiny details about practically everything. How she was the one who could get Luke open up. How she’d call Luke out on his bullshit. 

The hours went by and the sun was gone, but Luke knew she always liked this time of day. But the problem was, she was no longer there to appreciate the sunlight. She was no longer there by Luke’s side. But what Luke knew for certain was that she’ll always have a place in him.

© 2023 bloodhoundluke.

[asgardianangel]

One missing piece (chapter seven - first kiss)

Warnings: Unwanted kissing and touching, Lalo being weird, bad language, distressed reader

Ignacio felt guilt creeping up on him as you sat there waiting in the hospital. Your friend Leah was in critical condition. Ignacio knew what exactly happened. She got too close for his husband’s liking. And that’s how she ended up falling down the stairs and hitting her head so hard. 

Lalo took this opportunity to comfort you holding you to his chest as you sobbed quietly. A missing friend and a friend that’s now in the hospital. You had no one else to rely on.  

Hours went by. 

After the alarming news of Leah being in a coma Ignacio convinced you to go back with him and Lalo. So, you agreed the car ride was silent your mind couldn’t comprehend what happened. 

“It’s okay querida we will take care of you don’t worry about anything” Lalo’s voice suddenly spoke. Marco rested his sleepy head on your shoulder. 

Why was this happening?  Ignacio linked his arm with yours as you walked into their home. There was still blood at the bottom of the stairs staining the tiled floor. You couldn’t bare to look “It’s okay it’s okay” Ignacio hushed Lalo walked up the steps carrying a sleeping, Marco. Ignacio led you to the downstairs bathroom his hand turned the faucet of the bath then the water poured as you sniffled in sorrow. 

“Hey hey look at me” his hands grasped the sides of your face Ignacio wiped the tears from your glossy eyes. “The doctor said she’s receiving the best of care you never know she might wake up tomorrow” he said hopefully. But he didn’t hope for it at all she wasn’t good for you. She doesn’t deserve someone like you. 

Ignacio smiled as you nodded in understanding. Oh, how much he hated seeing you cry like that. 

When he left the bathroom, you tried to relax in the hot water, but it was impossible your mind would drift to Mark and Leah worrying for their wellbeing. You still didn’t know of Mark whereabouts. Then you realised Leah’s friend Sam was tracking his phone. 

“I need to speak to him” you tell yourself standing up in the bath. Suddenly the door opened, and you quickly sat back down in the water. What the fuck? 

Lalo walked in as you covered your body in bubbles and wrapped your arms around yourself. He smiled at you as you looked at him embarrassed and confused “I got you some towels” he said in a weird cheerful manner. He was acting so unaware of what he was doing and placed down the towels on the edge of the lavish sink. 

Doesn't this man know of privacy?

Then he stepped closer to the tub staring at you “thank you” you shyly say wanting him to leave. His hand then touched the wetness of your hair “we just want to take care of you know? A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be so sad” his voice softly tells you.  

Does he realise what has just happened?

Lalo pressed his lips to your forehead (to what felt like a long time). You quietly gasped at the sudden act of affection then he walked to the door “Dulce niña (sweet girl)” he purred then left. 

What was all that about? 

- 

When you retreated to your room away from that strange situation you focused your mind on important matters. You didn’t really know this Sam guy, but he was bond to be following Leah on something. You checked on each one of her socials, but no account came up. 

You gave out a frustrated sigh and then tried to get in touch with your uncle Mike but there was still no answer. You felt stuck and the only people communicating with you was Lalo and Ignacio and they weren’t really helping. 

Hopelessness was an intense emotion and the lack of sleep made your paranoia so much worse, so you went downstairs for a glass of water and a breath of fresh air. 

Standing in the heavily lit garden and sipping some cool water you decided to make the call and report Mark missing as the twenty-four-hour mark surpassed and hope for something good to finally happen. 

“Can’t sleep?” Lalo’s voice asked you turned around to see him leaning against the doorway. “Not really” you shake your head. “Me neither I never do” he chuckled. You smile weakly and look up at the night sky. Lalo walks over and stands next to you. “I have noticed some of my decanter missing” he chuckled again.  

“Normally I don’t ignore broken rules but given what happened I let it slide” he tells you with a smirk. 

“Sorry about that” you softly apologise. Lalo places his hand on your shoulder “It’s okay. How about you have a glass with me? You look like you need it querida” He smoothly suggests.  

“I think I’ll pass thanks” you refuse kindly, but Lalo wasn’t having it “Just one and we can talk more it will make you feel better” He urges. 

The more you refused the more Lalo became persistent. “One glass then” you agreed causing Lalo to give a cheerful smile “good girl” he told you. 

He's heavy on the praising

You sat down in the longue room shifting awkwardly as you watched Lalo pour you a glass of wine. “There you go querida” he handed it to you. 

 Lalo undid the top button of his shirt staring at you as you pressed the glass against your lips. Why is he staring like that? You immediately noticed how close he was sitting next you. His thigh pressing onto yours “delicioso know?” Lalo raised his brow and you winced at the suddenly strong taste.

“Yeah, it is” you hummed. Lalo made small talk as you drank Lalo certainly had a way with words. But the atmosphere was still uneasy given you sitting (so close) with your married employer trying to drink away your nerves.  

Then you heard Marco’s voice from upstairs “Papa!” you looked at Lalo and he sighed “Ignacio can see to him” he chuckled. “You are so motherly to him” Lalo mused. “I’m just doing my job he’s a good kid” you simply say. 

“You know that’s what he needs a good mother” Lalo said softly. Curious you wanted to ask about his mother. “Does he have one?” you asked. 

“Not really a year after me and Ignacio tied the knot, we found a surrogate and then Marco was born” Lalo explained, and you hummed in understanding. 

“We want another baby” Lalo said gently tucking a loose hair behind your ear. You looked down at your glass blushing a little “Marco would love that.” you replied. 

Lalo chuckled “Being a Salamanca and all he would protect his little hermano or hermana” he told you. You could imagine. Flinching you felt Lalo's hand suddenly press on your thigh “I always think about having a bebé the old-fashioned way” his words made you feel strange. Is he drunk?  

You were about to stand up and say your goodnights but then Lalo faced you and lips pressed against yours with such force it took your breath away. His strong hands held your head in place, and you tasted the mixture of whiskey and the wine you were both drinking. So hard and bitter. 

Lalo’s tongue was so desperate to explore your lips and you tried pushing him away. He finally released you from his snake like grasp with a groan and you stared at him in disbelief. 

“What the fuck?” you managed to whisper in confusion you heard Leah’s joking teasing about how you were going to be stuck in a middle of an affair. 

You needed to get away...NOW! 

“Is everything okay?” Ignacio’s sleepy voice questioned he stood there shirtless rubbing his eyes. You had no idea how to respond. 

“We just had our first kiss” Lalo stated, and you gasped in shock is he fucking serious? 

Ignacio sighed and shaked his head “baby I told you it’s way too earlier to do that” he told his husband in disappointment. 

What the fuck?!  

- 

Mike arrived at the regular meeting place his dull expression stayed the same but the concern for his niece was beginning to weigh in. 

His employer sat in front of him (on time like always) “She’s been calling me nonstop” Mike stated. You had no idea what have thrown yourself into. “She’s just a distraction from what really matters she needs to be with them as long as possible. I don’t want any mistakes” the man told Mike. 

“Nothing bad will come of your niece you have my word for that” 

to be continued...

Note: I'm sorry this update took a really long time

@joshuagrayboy

[lazarel-3000]

Strike me down, Morty.

Had a whole week to sort out how I feel and what I think about this season and the finale. Can I just say no wonder things felt off.

I’m honestly surprised at some of the reactions people had, some were angry at Rick - rightfully so, myself included, even if was the lie came from a noble place, kind of. And only kind of because Rick could just not deal with Morty thinking he was boring and disrespecting him like that, so he made Rickbot take his place. 

The way my stomach dropped as soon as they landed on the 10nth floor broh I was not kidding about that lol Yup, “Betrayal on all sides!”

And then there were others who were upset at Morty for some reason.. ? //scratches head// Dudes, he’s 14 and has been severely messed with!

And I also saw some people say this episode is proof Rick does not care about/love Morty. Which is just not true, it’s just not. We’ve been shown time and time again that the man cannot LIVE without him! The thing is that we’re past the point where it doesn't even matter anymore. Don’t don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Rick to pieces but I am not blind to any of his toxicity, nor do I try to justify it... most of the time.

The thing is, however, that it’s so easy to feel sorry for him - but at what point do you draw the line? And then to think oh how sweet it is that Morty will follow him despite everything. Yeah, he would! And yeah it’s sweet, but let’s not forget Rick exerts a terrifying amount of influence over Morty, whether consciously or not. Rick cultivated this dynamic, so I can’t fully get behind the whole thing of “choosing Rick.” Does Morty have a free will at this point? Unless the writers can convince me otherwise, I have Doubts.

So then the appeal of Rickbot becomes easier to understand… I mean how sad it is that Morty was willing to die with the version of Rick that was only 22% nicer, a non-person - a concept at that point of how things could be. This is how you know how bad things are.

And Rick’s unnecessarily cruel remark afterward; “Better tend to your little toaster.” You cannot tell me the man’s insides were not turning. 

Also: 

“Strike me down, Morty.” 

“I’m not striking you down.” 

“Strike me down, Morty. I’ll-I’ll become a pile of clothes like that old guy.” 

“But you’ll die. You’re drunk.”

“Here, I’ll-I’ll do it myself.” 

“No!”

My stomach did the first sickly little lurch because this scene was a bit too much like a fic I read the other day, I had to pause it because wow that fic fucked me up. And yes, the story had Rick trying to self-end himself via Morty because of... reasons. But in the show, this hasn’t been the first time Rick goaded Morty into killing him, but this felt so much worse tho bc of the jarring mood swing. One moment we were happy slicing fruits and having fun and the next is “strike me down, Morty.” said in an entirely too eager tone. I was Upset, hm’kay? And i hope this isn’t some foreshadow into the entire series finale because that is going to break me.

This being said, again, don’t get me wrong! I love this!! I love how messed up the whole thing is now and suffering through it. Truly curious to see how Dan, Justin and the writers move in the next season.

Should the situation be “fixed”? I mean yeah it’d be nice to see a good resolution that didn’t feel rushed, but idk maybe some things in life don’t necessarily need to have a happy ending. They just are.

[assimilatedhardship]

/ honestly one of my favorite things about Destiny is that it's the most cheerful, fun, silly game while simultaneously being the most sad, depressing, soul crushing game in for me probably the whole franchise.

I could argue Legendia is close, but Legendia usually gets through it and comes out on the other side and returns to sunny and happy. there's a lot of hope and sunshine after all the pain. some of it is emotionally grueling (Moses and Jay's sidequests were several knives in the gut honestly regardless of how they ended), but it always ends in hope and seeing the good in the situation.

Destiny doesn't really get that. all the sunny and cheerful aspects kinda just get crushed along the way and I think that shows most prominently in Stahn himself. he is the cheerfulness, the silliness, the happiness; but when things get worse and worse he starts to get angry, aggressive, and hotheaded. he starts to lose that purity and goofiness he started with.

the game doesn't end every scenario like Legendia - hopeful and looking toward a bright future. most scenarios end up with a huge fucking gut punch to reality, as if to contest Stahn's childish and naïve view of the world at the game's start. Stahn reacts accordingly, and it's always so emotionally raw.

I think it's also something about Stahn himself for me - seeing that happy, genuine, pure guy who really does actually see the best in everything be crushed under the weight of that. there was no way he was coming out the same person he went in as. seeing him struggle and suffer just feels a lot more painful than it does with a lot of characters for me.

like, obviously I write Yuri and he had a lot of weight on him, but he already knew the world was shit before he went out into it. Stahn just went out there very goofily and ignorantly, knowing really nothing about the world outside of his happy little farm town. he walks out having lost so much and in so much pain. and of course, if you came to love the cast at large, it hurts even more outside of just a zoomed in on Stahn lens (NOT A PUN NOT A PUN!!! but it can be. if you want. just for you).

[happyandticklish]

Mental Loops

Notes: Commission for @fucking-michaell ^^ Lee Devi is so underrated and I 100% support the mission of her getting tickled out of her mind to calm the fuck down lol. Little bit angsty in the beginning, but like, light light angst. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Nalini’s words won’t get out of Devi’s head so Ben gives her something else to think about. 

“Hey. You in there?”

This was followed by a round of soft knocking that Devi was determined to ignore if it meant they would go away. She tugged the pillow in closer under her head, closing her eyes as though that would speed up the sleeping process.

“You know, your mom already told me you were in there so this is about to get pretty embarrassing for you the longer you pretend you’re not.”

There was concern behind the attempt at a joke, and it prickled up against Devi uncomfortably. She already had to deal with sympathy from everyone else, she didn’t need it from Ben of all people. Even if he was being really sweet to visit her like this, and even if every part of her craved his company in this moment. It would only make the whole situation worse. It was much better if Devi dealt with this on her own, like she did most things.

“Devi. Come on. It's me."

Okay. That was slightly harder to ignore.

Outside the door, Ben was greeted with a vague grunting noise that he took to mean come in as he pushed open the door carefully. Devi refused to look at him still, curling up tighter on her side of the bed.

Ben took a seat on the edge of the bed in typical awkward fashion, attempting to touch as little of it as possible which left him in a crouched over position that couldn’t have been even remotely comfortable. A smile tugged at her lips at the thought of him rearranging himself over and over, and she tried to shove it back down before it could do anything crazy like cheer her up.

“So.” Ben folded his hands in his laps, unfolded them once more, and finally clasped his knees. “I take it you’re upset about something, considering it took me ten minutes of negotiating with your mother to even get to be up here.”

“Well observed,” Devi said dryly, hating how petty her words sounded. She toyed with the edges of the pillow, trying to sound more casual as she continued. “Okay. Yes, I mean. Although I wouldn’t call it upset, I would refer to it more as a resigned state of being.”

““A resigned state of being,’” Ben repeated slowly, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t get it, resigned about what?”

“About this! All of this!” She sat up suddenly, whirling around to face him and he had to stumble back a bit on the bed so as not to be knocked off. “About us, really, and how neither one of us is a doctor or lawyer or going into some really intensive line of research that my relatives can brag about at the dinner table.

Righting himself on the bed, Ben gave her a look. “Is this about Kamala? Because I thought you guys resolved a lot of that stuff? Or, not resolved, but accepted that she isn’t perfect either? If I’m being honest, the details of that whole exchange were never fully laid out for me.”

“No,” Devi spit out, scooching closer to him despite herself. It was easier to be irrationally mad at Ben when he wasn’t there with his lips rounded in that cute O of concern of his and his eyes drooping into some sad lost puppy look. She had used to think that look was pathetic. Now, she was finding it difficult to control herself around it. “Strangely enough, my mother’s attention is not entirely on Kamala, for once in her life. It’s one of my cousins—a different cousin. She just got married to some guy whose profession is apparently so impressive that my mom felt the need to rant on and on about it all night. It was insufferable. And then she made some comment about how maybe one day I would get there and…”

She trailed off, the train of thought fizzling out once she tried to verbalize it. There were too many things and they were too scattered to try to explain any of them without sounding hurtful or crazy.

Unfortunately, Ben was good at putting together the pieces. “So, what you’re saying is… I’m not… good enough?”

“No!” Devi grabbed his shoulder perhaps tighter than necessary. “Of course not Ben, I think you’re great. I…. well. You know how I feel about you. I just wish that that was enough for her.”

“Ah. So, this is about your mother then.”

Devi huffed, offering a wry grin. “Isn’t it always? I’m… look. I’m sorry about the date. Nothing even happened and I flipped out and I entirely forgot you were coming over and when you did come over I got nervous and… I’m really, really sorry.”

“Hey.” Ben bumped her leg with a light smile. “You don’t have to apologize for that stuff. I already knew you got like that before I started dating you, it would be crazy of me to start judging you for it now.”

“That is kind of my brand," Devi agreed. "‘Crazy Ben’ doesn’t sound nearly as catchy.” She mostly said it to ease the tension of the room, and mostly succeeded in the form of a soft chuckle from Ben. 

They sat there in silence for a moment before Ben hesitated, shrugging out from under her shoulder before asking, “I don’t suppose you want to… I don’t know. Talk about it? I know I may not seem it from all of our interactions, but I’m pretty good at shutting up and listening when I need to.”

“Ha,” Devi replied, a single syllable that said everything she couldn’t about how much she appreciated the offer. “Nah, I think I just need to get my brain off of it. Distract myself. Maybe actually go on that date I promised you so that I don’t make a total asshole of myself out of tonight.”

Ben smiled and seemed about to reply with some witty remark of his own before he paused, his eyes lighting up in inspiration. “Well, if distraction is what you’re looking for, I think I might have the perfect solution.”

Devi narrowed her eyes, stiffening a little besides him; there was something about his tone that put her on guard. “Ben Gross, I should warn you that my mother could still get her way if you try anything.”

“Just… trust me.” He shifted on the bed so that he was facing her back, gesturing for her to climb into his arms. She rolled her eyes but complied, settling into his arms which he wrapped around her a little too quickly. “If the distraction method is just a hug, that was a pretty lame build-uhuhp—mmehe!”

Okay, embarrassing giggle in the middle of a romantic moment initiated by her boyfriend—definitely not ideal. Nor was the jump she did as his fingers readjusted on her sides, still digging into her shirt in a way that was making her skin crawl. “What are you doing?”

“In psychology we were discussing how tickling can often be a source of necessary endorphins that can further promote bonding between two creatures,” Ben explained simply, his twitching hands leaving her incapable of making fun of the nerdy monologue. “We also learned how it can serve as a form of cathartic release—something to relieve the tensions of the mind. I figure your mind could use some relieving.”

Devi scoffed in an effort to cover up her nervousness. Though it certainly hadn’t happened in a while, she had distinct memories of her friends ganging up on her in a mess of limbs and fingers, a situation she had always quickly become the loser in. She could only hope that sensitivity had faded over time.

“I’m afraid your efforts will be i-in vain,” Devi insisted, hoping he hadn’t noticed the slight stutter as fingers nestled into her hips. She felt jumpy, like she had energy running through her veins; it wasn’t entirely a bad feeling. “As it so happens, I am not ticklish.”

“No?”

“Hmmmehe n-nope.” Her leg bounced anxiously as nails curled over that spot, her nerves sparking with sensation. She forced her thoughts towards anything else, the fight with her mom, the annoying smugness in Ben’s voice just then, the homework she hadn’t started sitting on her desk, anything but how much that single motion tickled. “T-Totally fihine, just, ah, stretching my leg that’s all.”

“So this—” he squeezed his hands into the bone suddenly and Devi refused to be held responsible for the shriek that slipped out as a response— “doesn’t tickle at all?”

“Behehen!” She thwacked his leg lightly, hating the grin on her face, hating the stupid giggles slipping out as he kept squeezing. “Thihis ihis stuhuhuhupid!”

“Hey, I’m not doing anything, it’s not my fault you’re so ticklish.” Ben smirked, leaning in to kiss her on the back of the neck—a move that would normally be pleasant but was far too soft and vulnerable in that moment. “How about this, if you stop being ticklish, I’ll stop tickling you. That seems like a fair trade, right?”

Devi wanted to insist that he was an asshole and that this was anything but fair, but speech had to be momentarily cut short as his hands crawled forward onto her stomach and suddenly her squirming became a lot more frantic. A desperate chorus of it doesn’t tickle ran through Devi’s mind as she tried to somehow trick her nervous system, but Ben was too good at this. Her night shirt made his fingers glide easily over her stomach, dragging the fabric over her skin as he did so. Her face scrunched into a reluctant smile, her ears hot with embarrassment.

Ben was right.

It tickled far too much to even try to focus on being upset.

“Ohohokay, ohokay, mohohove ahalready!”

“Move? If you insist.”

Devi fell back in a fit of cackles as he slipped his hands under her shirt then, scratching gently over bare skin. Devi's hands were wrapped around herself in a useless hug that did nothing to dissuade the unfairly light tickles assaulting her just then.

And maybe, in some weird, out of her control way that she would never admit to him later, it did help. Her mind couldn’t focus under these conditions, her thoughts melting into a pleasant fuzz that was making it really hard to hold onto any kind of negativity. She felt bubbly and light and like she needed him to stop or her mother was going to call someone about the murder occurring in their upstairs bedroom.

For one of the first times in her life, she felt fully present in the moment.

They stayed like that for several minutes afterwards, Ben covering her mouth every once in a while so Nalini didn’t interrupt them when nails curling under her arms prompted a squeal of laughter. Later on, Devi would be forced to reconcile with the unpleasant thoughts from earlier that night, but for now she allowed herself to give in to the addicting sensations and get lost in his touch and her laughter.

She figured she could put off being upset for at least one night.

[fallouttrait]

A small rant about JustaMinx because I have nowhere to vent my frustrations.

It's so sad seeing Minx in this state and blaming last night on her having a seizure but this isn't surprising since she continuously deflects from having to admit she is an alcoholic. Her saying she's booking a flight back to Ireland doesn't make me hopeful she'll actually get help and get sober.

I feel so bad for QT and for everyone at that after party because I don't think anyone was equipped with how to deal with Minx. Having to hear she tried throwing Sykunno and other guests into the pool on top of her trying to throw propane heaters in the pool is not only dangerous but proves she is just radically spiraling, and she needs to check herself into rehab desperately.

On top of that people are like "Oh this is why you guys are now dropping Minx? What about when-" Please shut the fuck up!

Shit Minx said in the past (that is wrong and I'm not arguing about that) is not what we should be the focus right now. Minx and her drinking problems just keep getting more and more out of control and she could have really turned the after party into a really dangerous situation.

It has to be really hard for people in her life right now, Qt saying this morning that she doesn't recognize the person Minx is right now and the same could probably be said from her other current and former friends. This could be rock bottom for Minx, or it could get worse from here. I'm not a fan of her but as someone who has a lot of past experiences dealing with people with substance addictions, it hurts to see her and everyone around her go through this because I've seen and experienced all this of myself.

Majority of the Internet is absolutely going in on Minx right now and I personally hope she at least has somebody by her side. I hope that she gets the help she needs, I hope she goes to rehab, and she gets sober. When Minx first started becoming known she was funny, she was great to be around, and a lot of people enjoyed watching her. I hope one day we can see that Minx again. It's an indescribable pain to have to watch someone you care about completely transform into this unrecognizable person that is constantly harming themselves and those around them. You feel helpless that you can't do shit and you just have to watch as they lose themselves to drugs/alcohol and I don't wish that on anyone.

[kuu-stuff]

20 October 2024

Got a bad case of art block again... I guess that I start to stress about my comic being good enough again. I delayed this week's part and now only drew like a page per day, what's kind of bad... I feel kind of bad in general, for some reason. Since last week I've been quite depressed and can't focus on anything. And I sleep like 3h per night then another 2 or 3 later in the morning. I don't have energy for anything and it's building up my anxiety. The weather is a little weird too, it's cold at night outside so we don't have the ac on but during the day it's still way too hot but going between cold and hot like that makes me sick. This country is really cursed ah ! ✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰ Since I'm been feeling down it was the perfect time to think about "This time I can share it with you", because it's a depressing story. Yeah you don't know it yet but I poured all my life-saved desperation into it. I'm looking forward to work on it too, it feels like an itch to wait another 2 weeks to do it. I'm still thinking about whatever make it extra sad or have them being cute and happy sometimes. I think both of those idiots are a little bit destroyed beyond repair so it would be more logical for it to go badly on every levels. But I also want to find a believable way to make Silas feel a little better at least. He really cornered himself there... I get it why the author let him die at the end of Da Vinci Code. Anything else would be worse. I mean, the guy had nothing his whole life, was nothing and has no purpose at all. He literally saw himself as a ghost most of his life and then when in prison he was waiting for nothing else but to die. And after being saved by the bishop he seems to not even being super buddy buddy with him, he was mostly admirative of him and wanted to repay him for giving him a life. And he really thought he could do it in the book, thus why he's so smug and all, he really believes he's doing something good, good in the sense that it will bring something good for the bishop and the Opus Dei, he does know that he will have to repent for it for the rest of his life. All he wanted is to be someone. To have a purpose. And to prouve to the bishop that he was right to believe in him. So when it turned out to be a ruse and fell for it so easily, going against everything he believes in as a monk, the bishop learning way too late that he made him kill 5 people, it broke the only image he made of himself since he was a child. It was his only chance at being something. Because even as a monk he was just a monk. With no real goal or future but praying for forgiveness and hoping to someday repay Aringarosa. And at the end all he did was to disappoint him and bring him misfortune. Fucked up. Brown is so cruel lol. His personality is hard for me to get right because his sides of him mix in a way that is hard to understand how he'd behave in situations. Sometimes he's super cruel, sometimes he seems to not care much, sometimes he cares too much and sometimes he helps people and worry for them and seems generally kind. It really depend on the people and the situation. I mean, I get that but I don't know in what category place Sasha. And there is a wide range of emotion he's shown having in the book. And since he's been alone most of his life he might not be able to connect to people at all. So I'm still analyzing him lol. But I love my boy and I'll find a way. Also since I made Sasha even more fucked up in every aspects I'm myself fucked up in, it makes me indulge into very bad thinking working on it and sometimes it goes a bit far and I make myself depressed lol. Poor lady. Silas only being a random dude to her, only makes me wonder how I possibly could make her happier too. And Silas is not the kind of person who could comfort her at all. Ah lala... That story is not going into a great direction is it ?

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

What do you think about the whole situation with Kyrylo Tymoshenko? i honestly think it’s was the right thing to do cause Kyrylo after all had done some questionable things, so… i hope it’s for the best

Going to answer these four messages with one answer since they kind of cover the same topic.

Kyrylo's resignation doesn't necessarily mean the rumours / accussations are true. It also doesn't mean he really is corrupt.

Ze dismissed a lot of people for all kind of reasons, not only because of corruption. Basically just a big round of cleaning up the mess several people made with their behaviour.

As for Kyrylo...here is the thing.

Let's pretend for a second he's not corrupt and just fucked up badly with the house and the donated cars and buying a new car. He totally has the money for such a big mansion and a brand new Porsche. He and his wife are wealthy. You could even excuse them moving to the new mansion since he was Deputy Head of the office and it could very well be for security reasons as it was assumed / he kind of stated.

But moving to a big mansion, buying yourself a luxury car, using donated cars as work cars and having your property in questionable hands and turning out they kind of don't belong to you?! Yeah. Baaaaaaad. Really bad. Especially in the middle of a war.

So Kyrylo fucked up. Too many times and big times. If he would only have done one of these things they could have covered it up with his work and all the projects he's doing. But all the time and again and again? That's just going to hurt the office and create unnecessary drama and shift the attention from important things.

So as sad as it is that Kyrylo is out of the Bankova gang - he's the one to blame. I'm pretty sure (based on how long this was a matter of scandal) they talked with him again and again and tried to save him (like with the interview not long ago). But if you continue to damage the office... .

It gets even worse if he is indeed corrupt. Because that would mean he not only deceived the state, the people and his job, but also Andriy and Vova. Especially with these two working HARD to create a honest and respectable gouvernment and office. So a close friend and trusted employee (who was at Vova's side since day 1) turned on them. That's not only going to hurt because they lose a good employee, but this will also hurt on a personal level (which is even worth after both of them already lost the minister recently).

So, here are the possibilities:

Kyrylo is either innocent and is not corrupt but fucked up too many times. To give him a peaceful / friendly way out they told him to resign.

Or Kyrylo really is guilty and is corrupt so out of friendship they told him to resign or they fire him.

(A last thing: It could also be very much true that Kyrylo resigned and is innocent and is going to take over a new job, but for that he was to be free from the office.)

And yes, I also still hope very much they will finally throw Tatarov out. The guy is actually bad and did lots of questionable and downright bad things. He needs to go.

[ashwhowrites]

Ask her part 2

Here is part 2 of the angst blurb I posted a day ago!

I hope you guys like it and that was worth asking for

I also did not check for mistakes so let’s ignore those

Part 3

Master-list

Eddie selfishly thought being without her wouldn't be so hard. Hell, he hasn't been by her side for weeks, and nothing felt different for him. But knowing he made her cry and shattered her heart to pieces made it all hurt worse. He wished he was more observant and could see when all the problems began. When he subconsciously began to pull away from her. Fuck, even Wayne asked where she went. How did he miss all of the signs? Eddie liked to believe that he wasn't dumb like everyone thought. He liked to believe that he was creative in his campaigns, protective of his lost sheep, and even confident in certain situations. But now, he truly believed he was a dumbass at this point. How do you break your best friend's heart and have no idea?

He wished he could blame it all on her. She technically never told him anything and never shared her feelings for him. She never once told him when she was upset. And never once said anything about Chrissy. But maybe she had her reasons. He did blow up on her the second Chrissy's name was muttered. Maybe that's why she never said anything. She knew he'd protect her, that he'd pick her. And fuck, he realized now, he had been picking her.

He tried to call her, but she never answered. He glared at any of the boys who tried to sit in her Hellfire spot, even though she had stopped showing up. When Dustin asked why she never came around anymore, Eddie didn't even know how to answer. But Robin, who was walking past their cafeteria table, offered some words: "Because Eddie is a selfish jackass." Eddie turned to her fast, and his temper once again got the best of him. "What the fuck did you say?" Robin did not look threatened at all. "You heard me, Munson. Maybe it's time Dustin learned that his little idol broke Y/N's heart and hasn't bothered to pick up the pieces. " Dustin looked at Eddie with a look he was all too familiar with: disappointment. "Once again, I did not know she was upset with me until recently, and I have been trying to pick up the pieces, but she won't let me. " Eddie was fine with being a bad guy if he had a reason to be, but right now, he doesn't think he deserves to be everyone's punching bag. "Oh please with your little phone calls? Pick up the pieces of her heart with your goddamn hands. Make some real effort. Not a short phone call with the problem herself sitting right next to you like a leech. " Eddie felt anger rise up when, once again, Chrissy was getting thrown through the mud. "Look, Robin, Y/N is a big girl and if she wants to continue to play this game of ignoring me as some type of revenge, she can. I am tired of my girlfriend getting treated like she is a problem when she isn't. " "No one can blame Y/N for her little feelings except herself." Eddie's eyes grew at his own words, along with everyone who was watching. And a pair of eyes he wished he had never looked into hers. He saw the cold settle in her eyes like it was a newfound home. "I didn't mean that." He muttered out loud, "Wow Eddie, just go to hell." Y/N spoke with pure hate in her voice. And it fucking hurt. She was out the door before he could even follow. He got up but a hand was placed on his back, "Babe, what's going on?" Chrissy's soft voice cut through the tension. It eased Eddie's shoulders but caused Robin to tense. "Nothing," Eddie whispered as he sat back down. Robin glared at the action with a mocking laugh "Yikes yet again. He picks the cheerleader. " She rather spat at him and ran off after Y/N. She ran after her to make her feel better. It was something he knew he should be doing. The look in Dustin's eyes returned. With a sad shake of his curly hair, he rose from the table and followed. "Pick the cheerleader? What is all of that about?" Chrissy asked with a nervous giggle. Eddie eyed her uncomfortable posture. He figured it was from Robin's side comment. He pecked her cheek with a small smile. "Truly nothing." "So Y/N is just nothing?'' This time, Gareth perked up and left the table. The sound of Y/N's name being announced caused Chrissy to stiffen next to Eddie. He slightly noticed but was distracted, yet again, by a look of disappointment.

Eddie barely focused on any of his classes, not that he ever does anyway. He had too many questions and not enough answers. When did everyone start looking at him with such disapproval? Why did everyone all of a sudden see Chrissy as a bad guy? Then he remembered Y/N said it all started with his birthday. And he knew where to start.

Eddie raced out of the classroom the second the bell rang. He knew Y/N would have to stop at her locker to grab her books to bring them to her tutoring, so he ran straight there. He didn't stop in time and rammed straight into her. Books flew everywhere, and he grabbed her before she fell.

A shriek left her lips at the impact. A "thank you" was caught in her throat when she saw him. She yanked herself out of his arms and quickly bent to grab her books. Eddie, as usual, was much faster. He swiped every book up, but he didn't give them back. He secured them behind his back. "Eddie, give me my damn books." Her tone was not playful like it used to be when he did this exact same thing. "Come on, babes, you know that's not how this goes." He said with a playful glint in his eyes. She knew he wanted a reaction from her. She had been giving him the cold shoulder for days, but she couldn't find it in herself to feel guilty. He deserved a lot worse than this. Hell, Robin was ready to make a deal with the devil himself to get rid of Eddie once and for all. She crossed her arms and looked bored at him. He once again felt small under her gaze. "I want to start with I'm so fucking sorry for everything. And before you tell me to shove my apology up my ass, " A small laugh left her lips at that. She quickly cursed herself for doing so. His eyes lit up at the sound, but before he could savor it, her frown came back. "I want you. I'm going to ask her. I'll make her tell me everything that I've been missing. I want to know exactly where I fucked up so I know where to start to make it better. " Her heart fluttered at the tone in his voice. It was the tone he used when he'd beg her to listen to a new song he'd come up with. The same tone he used when he'd ask if she truly thought everyone would like his campaign idea. It was the same soft and gentle tone he used when she first learned about his family. Her heart hurt at the thought, yet anger replaced it when she began to think. Did he tell her about his new songs? Did he write about being in love with her? Did he tell her about his hellfire meetings every night? Does she know about his past? Did she know all the things about Eddie, like how she used to? Eddie saw hope, sadness, and anger drift through her eyes. He didn't know if he was making progress or was giving her extra shovels to dig him further into the hole he got himself into.

With a sigh, he gave her the books. A small smile curved his lips. But he walked away with a bounce in his step. She finally gave him the time of day. Next stop: Chrissy.

Eddie was pacing around his bedroom, hand deep in his roots, yanking at the anxiety filling his stomach. He was snapped out of his thoughts when his door opened. He gave a small smile when he met her eyes. She ran and threw herself into his arms. A kiss on his cheek, then his lips. He hummed at the familiar taste. "Hey baby, what did you have in mind for tonight?" Chrissy asked with curiosity in her eyes. He studied her face. Her soft eyes blushed cheeks and a small smile. How can everyone see a devil in her presence? She looks so soft, gentle, and loving. Everyone had to be wrong about her. They just didn't know Chrissy the way he did, right?

"I needed to ask you something." She gave him a nod of her head, a signal to ask away. "What happened between you and Y/N on my birthday?"

She went frozen, ice cold, and fear showed through her eyes. The silence was becoming too tense. Why hasn't she said anything yet? "Chrissy?" he asked again. She seemed to snap out of her trance. Her eyes flashed back to normal. "Nothing, baby, why would you ask?" she said, but her voice sounded fake like she had this exact sentence practiced. "Y/N told me she was in love with me," but Chrissy removed herself quickly from his arms. A look of pain flashed through her, almost like betrayal. "Excuse me, she told my boyfriend that she was in love with him? That is completely inappropriate. " She scoffed and crossed her arms around herself. "She said you already knew, the night of my birthday." Chrissy looked at her shoes, shaking her head "Why would I know? She and I don't even talk. She is making things up. I barely saw her on your birthday. I was too busy planning it, decorating it, and making things perfect for you, Eddie. " She rushed out. Her eyes still hadn't met his. "Why would she lie?" He asked "Maybe you should ask her," Chrissy explained. Eddie scoffed at the same sequence of words. "NO! I AM TIRED OF NOT GETTING ANSWERS, SHE TOLD ME TO ASK YOU SO I AM. I am not going to ask both of you and get nowhere. Tell me right now what happened that night. " Hearing a sniffle, he immediately felt bad for raising his voice. He was learning to keep his temper at bay, but God, why is talking to girls so hard? They just fucking need to say what they want to say. Before he saw it, Chrissy fell to the floor, sobbing in her hands. She was rambling, but it was difficult to hear her as she sobbed. He quickly wrapped her in his arms. He pulled her hands away. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I'm so sorry. " He began to rush out. What is it with him making all the girls in his life cry? She shook her head and finally met his eyes. Red, wet, and puffy. His heart sank at her sad expression. "Eddie, I'm so sorry," she spoke softly as she placed her hands on his cheeks. His puppy eyes were huge, trying to understand what had been going on. "Just please tell me." He was pleased softly, placing his hand on hers.

"I knew," she whispered, "She told me she was in love with you while we made your cake." Eddie's body went stiff. He held his breath as she continued, "She said she had it all planned. Her gift for your birthday was going to be her confession, and she wanted my help to make sure you guys were alone after you blew out your candles." His hands burned from touching hers. He harshly grabbed her hands and threw them off of him. "Why did she never get to tell me, Chrissy?" But he knew she never got the time alone with him because he was in his room with Chrissy. Chrissy sobbed as she reached for him "You don't understand, Eddie; I really liked you, and I couldn't help her confess to you before you knew how I felt about you." His eyes began to burn, his thoughts were flying everywhere, and he couldn't get a grip on reality. " "MY GOD CHRISSY, you fucking knew she was in love with me and you just needed to beat her to the punch? Is that what happened? "Sink your claws into me to fucking claim your dominance?" He yelled. And he did not care about losing his temper now. He felt so stupid.

He remembered that night. He ran to his room to grab his sweetheart. He knew she needed to be part of his celebration. Like, come on. He grabbed her neck and turned around, and there she was. Chrissy smiled sheepishly. "Before we go back out there, I really need to tell you something." She sounded so innocent and shy. He gave her a big smile to encourage her. Her next words were not where he thought the conversation was going to go. "I have to confess something," she giggled "I have this massive crush on you. I know we are friends, but spending time with you has become the best part of my day. And being here with everyone, celebrating your birthday, I can't help but feel so close to you. " He went into shock. A cheerleader, better yet, the head cheerleader, was confessing she had a crush on him. in his dirty bedroom, in his trailer home, and on his birthday. He felt like he had won the lottery. He had no words, just gaping like a fish out of water. He tried to clear his throat to say something, anything. She smiled and grabbed his hand, leading him out to the kitchen where everyone was waiting. He now understood the look in Y/N's eyes when she saw them holding hands. She was broken. But she put on a smile, one he now came to understand was fake. Before he knew it, Chrissy announced, "I have confessed to Eddie that I have a crush on him." He remembered how the room went silent. Everyone stared. He felt shy under everyone's stares, but before he knew it, a pair of lips crashed onto his. His eyes widened as he saw Chrissy on her tiptoes, arms around his neck, and lips on his. He fell into the moment, eyes closed, and he kissed her back. Some cheers were heard. He shyly pulled away, a blush coming across his cheeks. "Blow out your candles, Eds," Chrissy said with a smile, and so he did. He blew out his candles with his eyes closed. His eyes snapped open when he heard his front door slam. He looked around the room to see who had left. His heart fell when he saw Y/N was no longer there. Chrissy began cutting the cake, snapping him out of his daze. He smiled as he grabbed a plate.

"You kissed me," he mumbled. Chrissy looked at him. "You kissed me right in front of her." He was calm, but Chrissy could tell this was a new type of anger. He was nowhere near calm. But he was so pissed that he couldn't even yell. "How do you do that to someone? How can you stab her in the back like that? Do you even feel bad? Can you even care about someone other than yourself?" His words were cutting her deep. She tried to keep her tears at bay, but they kept falling. "Get the fuck out, and don't you ever come near me again. And don't you ever talk to her, look at her, or even say her name. " She began begging, "No Eds, please. We can talk about this," She was pleading now. "Get the fuck out! Get out! Get out! " She scrammed out the door, crying as she went.

He slammed his door, and before he knew it, he was punching everything in sight. throwing everything off his desk. He felt so fucking heartbroken. Y/N didn't deserve to deal with any pain. She was so sweet, and nice, and took care of everyone. And he treated her like gum on his damn shoe. He tossed her to the side when a tiny skirt came along. "Eddie, what the hell?" Wayne ran in, and he grabbed Eddie to stop ruining anything else "I fucked up Wayne. I broke her fucking heart. " In Wayne's arms, he allowed himself to cry. He sobbed and let everything flow out. "It's okay, Eds. I'm sure you and Chrissy can work it out. " Eddie cringed at the name. He didn't even care if he hurt Chrissy. She broke his best friend's heart, and he helped. "Not her Wayne, Y/N," he sobbed. Wayne rubbed his arms to calm him down. "We'll get her back, Eds." We will. Eddie let himself believe it because he needed to feel something other than this pain in his chest.

tags~~~



@herroyalhighnessqueenmomo  @sage-the-z0mbie @maystecc

[hanqu0kka]

Safe Place

Pairing: Lee Minho x F!reader

Genre: Fluff, a little bit angst

Summary: You woke up scared after having a nightmare, but Minho always knows what to do to make you feel better.

Warning: some swearing, mention of anxiety

Words: 1.4k

Author's Note: Hey, how you guys doing? This is something I wrote in the middle of the night ‘cause I couldn't sleep. I hope you like it! English is not my first language so I’m sorry for any grammar errors. Let me know what you think!

You woke up scared again. Your heart pounded in your chest, your ragged breath filled the quiet room, echoing creepily in the dark.

Calm down, it was just a dream, you repeated to yourself like a mantra trying your best to regain control of your body. However, as much as you tried to convince your brain that everything was fine, nothing seemed to work.

The choking sensation constricted your throat with invisible hands, making something so natural as breathing becomes the biggest challenge in the world. The air that you managed to get into your lungs made your chest burn. It was as if you were inhaling toxic gas instead of oxygen.

With shaky hands, you wiped the thin sheen of sweat that covered your forehead.

You needed to breathe.

You looked at the balcony in your room, noticing that it was pouring outside. Without thinking, you got out of bed and walked towards the balcony door. Your legs were shaking so badly that it was a miracle you didn't fall face down on the ground.

The rain was freezing, but you couldn't care less about it. The thick drops hit your face giving you a comfortable sensation at that moment. The rain has always had this effect on you. It was like all that water could wash away all your sadness, leaving behind only a pleasant sense of relief.

For the first time in the last few minutes, you finally could breathe.

“What the hell are you doing?”

You were so startled that you almost slipped on the wet floor. Confused, you stare at Minho, who was standing in astonishment at the entrance of the balcony. He was looking at you as if a third eye had magically appeared right in the middle of your forehead.

With all the anxiety caused by the nightmare, you had totally forgotten your boyfriend had decided to spend the night in your apartment because, according to him, "your bed was more comfortable than his". In truth, he just missed you but was too stubborn and shy to admit it.

You weren't sure how long the two of you stood there, staring at each other as if you were in some kind of hypnosis.

If you weren't feeling so cold, you'd probably laugh at how ridiculous that situation was: on one side was Minho, still with a sleepy face, trying to process if what he was seeing was real; on the other, there's you, with your soaked pajamas and wet hair, with dark circles under your eyes earned after sleepless nights.

It was like a scene from a low-budget horror movie where the good guy froze upon meeting the possessed being instead of running for his life.

The cold wind made your body shiver, and that was enough to make Minho break out of that trance and run towards you.

"Are you crazy?" He said seriously, while dragging you into the room.

When the balcony door closed, the heat quickly engulfed your body, making the shivers lessen.

Minho was worried. He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, like a fish out of water. He was trying to make some sense of what just happened, trying to find the right words to say and not make things worse.

Actually, he was mad. He knew he shouldn't, you probably had your reasons for doing what you did, but the fact that you went out in the rain when it was so fucking cold pissed him off. You could get seriously sick, for God's sake!

Then, afraid to say something that would make him regret it later, he decided to act.

Gently, he led you to the bathroom and turned on the hot shower, helping you out of your wet pajamas. He left a set of warm clothes on the bathroom counter and went to the kitchen. While you were in the shower, Minho prepared a big cup of hot chocolate, one of your favorite drinks.

When you finished drying your hair, you found Minho waiting on the bed with an expression that gave away how distressed he was.

"Here, take this." He said, handing you the cup of hot chocolate. You softly smiled when you smelled the faint scent of cinnamon.

After you finished, Minho placed the mug on the nightstand and pulled you to lie down beside him. Minho's strong arms wrapped firmly around your body as if he was afraid you'd disappear at any moment. You let out a long breath as you felt his fingers trace your waist, drawing random patterns.

"I'm fine." You whispered, breaking the silence that had settled. You felt guilty for worrying him so much.

"No, you're not." He whispered back. "Who in their right mind would go out in the rain at this hour? Do you want to be sick? That's not good for your health!”

"I know. I just needed to breathe.”

Minho sighed deeply, trying his best to stay calm. You could practically see the gears turning in his brain.

"Was it another nightmare?" He finally said. You nodded. "Why didn't you wake me? You know I don't care.”

“I was so startled that I forgot you were even here. I'm sorry."

“You don't need to apologize, silly, you've done nothing wrong. I just… I got so worried.” He whispered the last part, resting his lips on the top of your head.

"I'm so so sorry, Min. I..."

"Stop saying that. I already told you, you have nothing to be sorry for." He said, rolling his eyes. “I told you to dream with me, but you just don't listen. I doubt you'd have any nightmare having my cute little face in your dreams.”

"Oh my God, how can you be so cocky?" You hit his chest, making him laugh.

"What? It's the truth."

"I hate you." You said jokingly.

"I'm glad we're on the same page, honey."

Minho smirked when he saw the annoyance on your face. He suddenly leaned in, pressing his lips on yours in a slow and passionate kiss, saying more than any words could ever say.

"Next time, call me." He said, looking deeply into your eyes. “Even when I can't be here, call me anytime. You're not alone, kitten. I'm here to help you with whatever you need.”

A warm sensation engulfed your body from inside out, making your heart flutter in your chest. This affectionate and protective side of Minho always has this effect on you.

“And no more going out while it's raining, dumbass. If you want to get wet, go take a shower.” He pinched your cheek, trying his best to look angry, but you could clearly see a subtle smile on his lips." If you catch a cold, don't expect me to take care of you."

You gasped dramatically, bringing your hand to your chest.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Yes, I would."

"You're so cruel."

"Nobody says to you go out in this rain, especially when it's fucking freezing outside." You rolled your eyes. “Come on now, it's time for you to sleep. And there's no point in frowning.”

In a very mature way, you stuck your tongue out at him.

You snuggle in his chest, getting more comfortable. But even feeling extremely tired, you couldn't even for a second close your eyes and relax.

"I don't wanna have another nightmare." You whispered softly. His heart dropped. He wished he could protect you from all the evil in the world.

"You won't. I'm here, you're safe with me." He said gently, lifting your chin. “Listen, I got a plan. I'll find you in your dreams, okay? I'll be there by your side, protecting you from all harm. Nothing will hurt you while I'm around.”

"You promise?"

“I promise with all my heart, kitten. Now go to sleep before the boogie man pulls your foot.”

“I'm not five anymore, Minho.” You laughed out loud.

"Shii, you need to rest." He put his finger over your lips in a sign of silence. "Go, go, close your eyes. We have a date in your dreams, so you better not keep me waiting."

Minho smiled when he saw you close your eyes with an adorable smile on your lips. A few minutes later, your breath got heavier, and he knew you had finally drifted off to sleep. Minho places a soft kiss on your forehead, putting you closer to him.

"I love you." He whispered before falling asleep.

[smhtaehyung]

shy on the sly (jjk)

chapter 4: falling into wrong hands

masterlist

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: smut, comedy, summer camp au

warnings: eventual smut, oral sex, awkward kissing and oral sex, horny jk, masturbation, voyerism, inexperienced!kook, awkward conversations. (slowburn?) dirty talk, perverted fantasies, shy jk, maknae line ft. Hobi, summer camp alternative universe, swearing, underage drinking, thigh kink, scent kink, kinks all round, masturbation in shower, public.

taglist: @mwitsmejk

summary: jungkook finally asks for your help. His inner instict is dragging him down. After a big fall out, Y/N seeks for revenge.

wordcount: 4k

THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER

_________________________________________

Jungkook was nervously pacing around the living room. It really iritated his friends.

"What happened to you? You look horrible today." Taehyung commented, scoffing to himself.

"What? I'm fine!" Jungkook clearly lied but Taehyung had no patience to ask further. He wanted to have fun today.

The music that was playing wasn't helping with Jungkook's loud thoughts. It also didn't help with his sleepy brain. He just wanted to rest, but felt his nerves push him to insanity.

And then Y/N came. And he felt even worse. Those three soft knocks on the cabin door made Jungkook approach closer, but he did not open it. Jimin was faster.

Jungkook felt a sudden heatwave wash over him. He hated how tired and fucked up he looked. He hated that this all managed to ruin him like this in such a short amount of time.

"Hey." Y/N smiled at Jungkook, clearly expecting the same tone and vibe back. Jungkook however just waved, no smile. She noticed his tired and puffy eyes. She wondered what happened, but couldn't grasp upon the idea. Her smile soon flattened, and she was now in the same overthinking loop as Jungkook. It really was contagious.

Jimin noticed it, trying to ease the tensions by joking. "Jungkookie, this will help you. Don't be so sad." He pointed at the whiskey bottle that was left from the opening dance. Jungkook forced a smile out, nodding. He was being way too quiet.

Y/N sat down on the couch, joking around with Taehyung. He sat by her side, making her giggle. He really made her relax.

Hoseok turned on the music, immediately vibing with it. Jimin looked away from Hae in panic, who was sitting on his lap, to look at the time.

"Hyung, lower the volume down a little bit. I don't want counselors to come." He bit on the inside of his cheek nervously.

Hoseok, groaned, aware that Jimin was right. He lowered the volume.

Hae was getting quite comfortable in Jimin's lap, and as much as she looked involved with the situation with him, he came across as a bit distant. Y/N didn't want to tell Hae, hoping she was being truthful when she spoke about fucking him and not getting attached.

Jungkook was still parading around being the only one who didn't take a seat down. Taehyung tried to help him out not to look so awkward.

"Yah, sit down." He patted the empty seat next to him. Taehyung had a plan. But at the time, he thought Jungkook was in love with her, so he played the Cupid role. He didn't know that Jungkook was, at the time,  in love with a perverted fantasy.

Regardless, Taehyung had a plan of making Jungkook feel relaxed in her company, planning to go 'dance' or switching closer to Jimin on the sofa, leaving those two alone on the couch.

Comedically enough, Y/N was sitting at the same spot she sat at the afterparty, only a different cabin.

All the cabins had a very similar or the same interior. The boy's cabin, however, was quite messy though. Their couch was covered with t-shirts, some dirty, some clean. Their speakers were quite expensive so the sound and the bass quality beautifully filled the silence. Even when the volume was lowered down.

Taehyung didn't have patience though, so as soon as he stopped having a conversation with Y/N, he stood up.

"I'm gonna go dance." He pointed at the guy and a girl she met at the party at cabin the first night.

Y/N nodded, but soon gulped hard once catching eye contact with Jungkook, who still sat on the edge. He had the same uncomfortable reaction as her.

The both sat in silence, listening to the conversations between the rest. Y/N shot a look his way and he immediately noticed it, catching eye contact with her.

"Are you okay?" She raised her eyebrow.

"I'm fine." He shyly whispered, looking down. He wasn't so confident anymore.

"You look horrible today. But, you're still cute." Y/N's sweet tone made Jungkook keep shyly looking down but with the biggest smile on his face. He hated attention like this but secretly loved it.

The way she eased the tension of the room really helped Jungkook relax. Someone had to do it.

Y/N moved closer to him and he seemed to not mind it, actually, he pressed his upper arm against hers, their thighs slightly touching.

"I kind of need to talk to you." Jungkook couldn't keep torturing himself anymore. There was no going back now.

"Okay." She got up, headed towards his room without a thought. She was way too stressed to notice that Jimin and Hae were inside already. Luckily, Jungkook stopped her.

"We can't talk there, Jimin and Hae are inside." Jungkook looked at her with panic still present in his big doe eyes.

"Let's go to my room then."

"Now?" He hated it because of the curfew.

Y/N, without a thought, grabbed Jungkook's arm and pulled him outside, walking in front so he'd follow her. As they walked down the slight hill, Jungkook couldn't help but to keep quiet. He only answered with yes and no to her questions, really worrying her. She had no idea what to expect.

They sneaked inside the cabin, not wanting to be loud because ChiChi was sleeping in the room next to Y/N's.

Jungkook tip toed until he was inside Y/N's room, barely making any noise. They entered her room. Jungkook still couldn't keep his eyes away from the floor.

"Why are you like this today?" He didn't react to the question.

"So, you go around kissing me and sneaking to my room and all that shit, and now you can't even look at me. What do you want from me?" She spoke directly.

"Nothing. I just like your company."

"If you just want to fuck with no strings attached we can do that. You don't have to complicate shit and play nice."

"I'm not playing nice. I'm just...I'm just..I need your help."

"With what?"

Jungkook took a deep breath, trying his hardest to use the words he thought of so well. The only problem was, he replayed his sentences so much inside his head that he barely managed to get them out without mumbling a lot. Still, Y/N found his mumbles and his lisp cute.

"I feel comfortable. Like with you. Both physically and mentally. And you're the only person here that wouldn't start rumors about me. Like you could keep a secret."

"Alright. I promise I won't say anything to anyone. Just tell me what is it?"

"Okay. Don't flip out though, I don't want it to come across bluntly...uhm.." He tried to collect himself, Y/N just sitting in silence pressed up next to him.

"I'm like...really bad at the sex stuff. And how will I ever get better if I'm afraid everyone at camp is going to find out all that stuff."

"I literally heard from around that you're really good at eating pussy." Y/N's chuckled in disbelief.

"Really? I'm terrible."

"Oh, so, you think they think it was good just because it was Jeon Jungkook and not the actual act?" She tried to understand him.

"Yeah, exactly." He nodded.

"Are you going to-" Jungkook turned his head towards her, but she was sitting so close that he instantly caught eye contact with her. She interrupted him with a kiss, placing a hand onto his soft cheek.

Jungkook seemed to kiss her more skillfully this time, not starting off sloppy at all. He really tried to adjust to her pace and technique, but felt his technique was superior to hers. He hated the way she was rushing into it. Y/N loved how good he kissed. Hell, she felt like a bad kisser compared to the way he moved and how he switched between tongue and just kissing so smoothly.

"You're kind of a bad kisser." Jungkook pulled away, shyly mumbling. Y/N gasped and slapped his shoulder.

"Then teach me." She scoffed, straddling his lap so they're both more comfortable. Jungkook obliged in the matter of seconds, feeling as if he finally has the power over her and not the other way around.

"Start slow. Just repeat everything after I do it. And just relax, when you want to speed up do it firmly." He whispered into her mouth, rising the sexual tension between them. She nodded, pecking his lips.

Jungkook put her hands around his neck.

"Play with my hair. I like that." He giggled, making Y/N bit her lip over how cute he was acting. But his kisses soon weren't so innocent. As soon as he started kissing her, Y/N took it slow and tried to repeat everything he did. And it really worked. The way their tongues played with one another made Jungkook very excited. He wanted to feel her tongue on his entire body. Naturally, he started getting hard. She was finally making out with him the way he wanted and she really was a fast learner. The sloppy sounds of their kisses filled the quiet room.

"Like that?" She pulled away, her tone very obedient. Jungkook felt slightly light headed, all the blood rushing to his crotch.

"Y-yeah." He stuttered, kissing her again eagerly. She smiled mid kiss, seeing this was working.

Jungkook started kneading her thighs, not breaking off the kissing which they both enjoyed so much. Y/N sucked onto his bottom lip, making him moan loudly.

"Shhh." She unhooked her teeth from her lips, putting a hand over his mouth. He nodded quickly, removing her hand from his mouth. Without a thought, he put her hand on his clothed hard member, staring into her eyes before kissing her again. She loved how daring he was. She thought of a different approach to rile him up even more though.

"First step of giving good oral - you need to be extremely horny." She rested her forehead against his, whispering softly.

He chuckled. "I think that's already done."

"I think we can still push it a little bit." She pressed her crotch against his, making his cock rub her clothed clit.

She started grinding her hips, kissing down onto his neck.

"Fuck." He rolled his head back in pleasure, moving her hips to rub harder against him.

Y/N let out a breathy moan, feeling the entire length and girth of his dick against her crotch. It excited her.

"Take off your shorts please." Jungkook whined, wanting to feel less layers between them so bad.

"Alright, we did step number one." She pulled away from kissing him, observing how needy he still was, jerking his hips up to feel her pressed against him.

"You're so mean." He chuckled in disbelief, trying his hardest to be quiet.

"I'll make you feel even better, I promise."  Her words made Jungkook light up. He was going crazy over how much she managed to rile him up. Y/N's panties dampened each second, Jungkook's well proportionate strong body and handsome face was making her melt inside. She was very turned on by him and how needy he was for her. Shy guys are always the most sexually frustrated ones - she suddenly remembered one of Hae's famous lines, but soon switched her mind to completely focus on him and how to savor the sensuality of the moment.

"But for now..." She started speaking, moving his hands to feel down her body, stroking her hips and thighs.

"Second step - I need to be horny." As soon as she stopped teasing, Jungkook flipped her over, hovering on top. He started kissing down her body before she even wanted to explain, but he was doing everything right.

He pulled her top down, revealing her black bra. He left sloppy kisses down her boobs and stomach, travelling down to her slit.

"Like that?" He shyly asked.

"You can be a bit rougher, you know." She put her hand on his neck, squeezing it. He pulled himself up again, hovering on top. He moaned again, the tight squeeze around his neck making his dick twitch. He loved girls in control.

Jungkook grabbed her hand and held it over her hand, gripping her wrist slightly. He put his fingers around her neck, squeezing and pushing down on her. She moaned, rubbing her clothed crotch against his twitching hard-on.

"Like that?" His tone was serious and deep, quite a sexy switch happening in that short moment. He realized he loved control as well, never being this rough with someone. He let go of her neck, kissing her mouth.

"Jungkook-ah." She moaned when the kisses reached her breasts again. He helped her take off her top, unclasping her bra with ease. He was so proud that he came across as smooth, but in his past, he definitely had some trouble unclasping the bras.

Her bare upper body was sprawled in front of Jungkook, his eyes growing darker and hungrier every second. Still, the way he manhandled her body switched between playful and dominant.

"Before I give you...uhh..instructions...I need to see how bad you are." She was sort of distracted with the way his head was lowering down until he reached between her thighs.

"Ugh, okay. I'll try my hardest." He acted quite polite, this playful but heavily sensual situation progressing.

Jungkook slid her panties off, almost drooling at the sight of her wet pussy, pink, pretty and ready for him.

He groaned, sloppily kissing up and down her lips. Once he reached up and felt her clit under his tongue, he started kissing on it too. He spat once, spreading the saliva with his finger so it gets even wetter. He loved how she tasted. And the raging hard-on in his pants was proof. Y/N always loved to see a guy loving oral, and she saw it in Jungkook too. He loved eating pussy but his technique was way too shy and sloppy. She breathed heavily, kind of turned on at the fact he tried so hard to make her feel good. He pulled away.

"So, what do you think?" He couldn't hold back his embarrassed smile.

"It's...you look hot and you look like you love doing it, but this time..." She adjusted herself a torso up, leaning against the headboard. Jungkook quickly moved up too.

"Point your tongue a little bit." She guided his head to her crotch, making him try again. He breathed out, burying his face in her pussy. He made a caring eye contact with her, really looking for her approval. He started kitten-licking her clit, his tongue playful yet fluidly moving.

"Yeah, just like that, fuck." She threw her head back in pleasure, really feeling a pleasurable sensation this time.

Jungkook tried his hardest to not change a single thing, really loving this sight.

"You can switch up a little bit, use the techniques when you make out with me." She finally realized a way to make him figure some tricks out.

Jungkook started making out with her pussy, kissing and licking her folds and clit. He was quite good. Y/N moaned slightly, not able to contain pleasure. It's been a while since anyone went down on her and Jungkook was definitely a fast learner.

He inserted a finger in, catching her attention immediately.

"May I?" He asked quite unfazed, putting his finger in and out of her pussy. "Yes, please." She whispered, fucking herself onto his big digit. He inserted another finger in, curling them up and immediately pumping. He hit her g-spot repeatedly, causing her to grow wetter. Sloppy sounds filled her room. Jungkook KNEW how to finger a girl. And she respected that. She was heavily breathing, loving the way how he kept his pace, his fingers doing wonders. She was fucking onto them, hard. Then, she started to get greedy, wanting his cock inside her.

Y/N stopped him and pulled him up to kiss him.

"Fuck! So you lied, you're good at it!" She loudly whispered, playfully slapping his cheek before grabbing him by his neck, pulling him closer.

"I never said I was bad at fingering." He giggled before kissing her, loving her cute side and the way she was able to switch from joking to moaning his name.

"I want you really bad right now." She stopped caring completely, grinding on top of him.

"Please fuck me." She moaned into his ear, kissing his neck hungrily.

Jungkook widened his eyes, he gulped hard and he once again felt that feeling as if he had gone into 'cardiac arrest'.

He was terrified. He experienced a lot of girls being so horny that they wanted to fuck him immediately. He loved the way he got Y/N to feel like that, but, he was still terrified of sex.

How could he disappoint her after getting her this excited? Jungkook was overthinking-hard. So, he wanted to run away once again.

"I gotta go." His famous line spoken out loud once again. He moved her off of him, sitting on the edge.

"What? What the fuck is wrong with you?" She whispered loudly again, completely baffled at what happened so suddenly.

"No. Sorry. But thanks for this. Helped me a lot." He stood up, tying his shoelaces.

Y/N was 100% sure that his whole shy persona was an act to get what he wanted. And in that moment he really disgusted her.

"You fucking asshole!" She now raised her tone, throwing a pillow at her. Jungkook was so caught up in bad thoughts that he didn't realize how bad the situation looked. It really seemed as if he used her just for that and left, not wanting to fuck her or do anything else than use her for his personal gain.

She was putting on her panties and shorts back.

"I'm sorry. I just I don't want to disappoint-" he tried to excuse himself, but there was no room for excuses in her mind.

"If you don't want to fuck me, someone else will." She stormed off leaving her room. He followed her like a puppy, calling her name.

He carefully closed the cabin door, rushing to catch up with Y/N.

"Stop, it's not like that." He panicked.

"I don't want to talk to you." She avoided his eyes, storming up the hill to 027.

"Please stop. I really didn't want it, like this- I." He was on the verge of saying it, but he just couldn't. Y/N ignored him all the way leading up to their cabin. To be honest, Jungkook could've said it or anything really but she blocked his voice so well that she couldn't focus on it at all.

She opened the door of their cabin, immediately running to one man. To Taehyung. Jungkook's face was filled with worry and frustration, slightly gasping in disbelief. Taehyung hugged Y/N, talking to her straight away. They really got along.

Jimin immediately approached Jungkook. "Hey, what's wrong?" He put his hand on his shoulder, leaning closer to him.

Jungkook kept his eyes fixed on Taehyung and Y/N and hated the fact they were already dancing and he was touching her waist a lot. It irked him.

"I gotta go." He started blankly at his door, walking away before even saying bye to Jimin. He looked at him with worry as Hae ran up to him, trying to ask what happened.

Jungkook slammed the door. He plopped onto his bed, feeling so overwhelmed with frustration. He wanted to cry.

Why does he always have to literally run away from any situation? He hated himself for it. He buried his face in his pillow, sighing to himself.

In the living room, Hae was observing how much Y/N was into Taehyung all of the sudden. Tae, slightly tipsy offered her his cup with whiskey, neat.

She downed it, feeling the effects almost immediately. It burned her throat and made her slightly lightheaded. She leaned on Taehyung, and he didn't seem to mind.

"Hey, I have an offer for you." She whispered into his ear. Taehyung smirked, loving the fact he was getting this much attention. And he really thought she was pretty. But didn't think beyond that.

"What is it?" His deep voice dared her.

"You want to fuck me like right now, no strings attached?" She pressed her hand against his cheek, whispering into his ear again.

Taehyung smirked. At camp, he'd often end up fooling around unintentionally with virgin girls and most times when he wanted to fuck, the girls wouldn't. They would be too stressed. But, he loved how blunt she was. It was attractive.

"Yeah." He agreed, letting her take his hand. Jimin rolled his eyes at the sight but burst in laughter over how ridiculous the situation was. "That poor bastard." Jimin face palmed. Y/N was guiding Taehyung to his room. Some boys started raising their voices, respecting Taehyung that he picked someone up so quickly and easily. Hae couldn't stop tapping her feet and did not approach Y/N because she looked like she were going to make a scene.

But Y/N did an act. Sure, she was attracted to Taehyung's looks and some parts of his whole charm. But for the most, she wanted to be loud. She wanted to get fucked. She wanted to get back at Jungkook. She was angry.

Taehyung was good. He was really good because the way she started moaning his name over again caused Jungkook's skin to crawl. The noise of the music mixed with her moans made Jungkook literally stand up to punch the wooden wall. His chest area hurt more than his fist. He sat back down, thankful nobody checked up on him. He wanted to be alone. He could even decipher her muffled dirty talk. And then he imagined it all.

His brain was invaded with the thoughts of Taehyung eating her pussy better than him, making her moan that loudly. Taehyung's groans were soon heard as Jungkook imagined the worst. Taehyung was by this point probably fucking into her roughly.

"Fuck Taehyung, you're so good." Jungkook heard Y/N again.

Jungkook came to a depressing realization that Taehyung was rocking her world. He hated that Taehyung was putting his dick inside of her and finishing what Jungkook started but was too afraid to continue. Jungkook hated how loud they were. Taehyung was slapping her ass, making her moan even louder. Everybody heard it, but Jungkook realized he was the only one who couldn't stand it because some people were screaming praises and joking.

Jungkook couldn't help it. He started crying into his pillow, hating what was happening. He wanted to run away for real this time, but couldn't run anywhere safe.

That should've been me - he thought over and over again.

"I'm cominggg." Y/N orgasmed hard, completely lost in the moment with him. Taehyung fucked her so good she didn't want it to stop. Jungkook absolutely hated the idea that Taehyung was kneading her thighs, being rough with them. All because of his overthinking mind. He wanted to touch her the same way Taehyung was. Jungkook wanted to have her. But he hated the fact of how irrational she was being.

He knew that she was trouble, but once again, couldn't resist.

NEXT CHAPTER

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A/N: Hopefully you like this fic so far! Sorry if any mistakes or typos slipped up.

Anyway, I love writing this fic so thank you for all the support 💜

[unoriginalmess]

A Second Mask: Chapter 4

Did that just happen?

Hello guys! It's me. I'm finally writing again. Sorry about the delay. I'm going to explain more at the end of the chapter, but I'm just going to keep the beginning short. So here is chapter 4:

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To say Adrien was concerned would be a huge understatement. He was downright disturbed. Its been weeks and still Marinette hadn't changed back to the happy, peppy, nice girl that he knew. AND SHE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!

He tried to talk to her for a whole week after her original trasformation, but after the repeated firm rejections, he stopped altogether. He figured that maybe with some space, she might be able to work through whatever she was going through, but at this point, he's losing hope.

When he is feeling this distressed about something, he usually turns to his lady, but she has been acting weird too. Ever since she suggested they start sparring, she's started to show that she is going through kinda a rough time as well. She is the same ladybug when everyone is watching, but when it's just the two of them, she looks sad and tired. She has also started saying some concerning things while they are sparring. She has started talking about how she has started taking being Ladybug and the Guardian more seriously, and how she has less distractions now, which would be a good thing if she didn't say them so sadly.

The good thing is, the sparring has given him a chance to get out his aggression because of the whole Marinette-situation and his anger at his father in a safe environment. He didn't like the idea of hitting Ladybug at first (especially in the face) but with her not holding back on her hits, he felt more comfortable doing the same. It has helped them fight better too. He hopes that whatever Ladybug is going through in her civillian life will work itself out soon, but until then he will be there for her. He just needs to figure out how to be there for Marinette.

•••

Felix was making good progress with Marinette. After they first asked marinette about (insert fashion question of your choice here, I legit know nothing and I didn't have time to research anything for this chapter), she had started answering their questions on a daily basis. After a couple of days of that, she had started to rant to them about different things in the fashion world that were bothering her, exciting her, or confusing her that particular day. In response to that, they had started to respond to her rants with their own opinions on the subjects and even start their own rants.

It had gotten to the point where Felix would now consider them to be friends, though they know that Marinette would never call them as such, it was fine with them. They know she has trust issues, and they can understand why, so they are fine with being friends in everything but a name.

Felix was looking forward to their daily banter as they waited in their seat for Marinette to arrive. When she did, she was followed by a very pissed-looking Alya. Felix turned to look at her and noticed that she had what looked to be tears forming in her eyes. What they didn't notice was the little black butterfly that had entered through the window in the back of the room, and was making a beeline towards her.

•••

Marinette walked to school in yet another one of her newest fashion creations: a pair of oversized grey ripped jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. She was actually really liking her new look, and the comfort that it offered was just an added plus.

She was actually feeling excited to talk to Felix about Gabriel Agreste's newest fashion flop. They were the only person that she had met that actually cared about fashion as much as her. It made her happy to talk to them. It kind of scared her how excited she was. Shouldn't she be distancing herself from everyone? she thought to herself. No. Felix isn't my friend, they aren't close to me, they are just someone I talk fashion with. Like a coworker, yeah. Totally. Felix is just a coworker. ("Liar" says the inner voice in her head)

She was shocked out of her thoughts when she was pulled to the side by someone as she entered the courtyard. Her mind immediately thought of an akuma, when the person spoke.

"Marinette! Girl," Oh it's just Alya. Wait Alya? "How long are you gonna keep up this cry for attention? Are you really THAT jealous of Lila? I know that Adrien likes her, but that doesn't give you the right to act like this! And you are hanging out with Felix, who accused her of sexually harrassing Adrien on their first day here-?" She looked absolutely furious at her, but Marinette had heard enough. She cut Alya off in the middle of her presumably long rant.

"ALYA!" Said girl jumped at both the inturruption and the tone of voice used, "First of all, this isn't a cry for attention, if anything its a cry for leaving me the fuck alone. Second of all, I'm not jealous of Lila. I'm not in love with Adrien anymore, and haven't been for a while. You knew that I was dating Luka right? Why would I care who Adrien likes? Lastly, I am allowed to hang out with whoever I choose, whether you like them or not. It's none of your fucking business Alya, and if you think that I'm just some jealous, attention-seeker why do you even care?" With that last question she stormed off to the classroom, leaving a speechless Alya behind her.

When marinette sat down in her seat, she just kept thinking about how Alya was just talking to her. How could she think that about her? They used to be best friends, and Alya wasn't even concerned about her not talking to her anymore, she was just concerned about her being "jealous of Lila". It made her so furious that she could feel tears trickling down her face. She sees the black butterfly out of the corner of her eye and without hesitation grabs it out of the air.

(Next part is taken from this post by @bigfatbreak)

"Go ahead and akumatize me- See what happens, Hawkmoth!" She screamed the words with a slight madness that the energy of the akuma was giving her, "Every leash has two ends! I just have to pull until I find where you're holding it!"

At this point, the entire class was frozen in place watching her and listening to her crazed-sounding voice threaten an actual terrorist. Marinette felt Hawkmoth's confusion and terror through the bond. What in the- She's sensing me through the Akuma?! The akuma then started to fly away, and when it couldn't it zapped her hand like it was made of lightning and fluttered through the same window it came from. Marinette felt like she had failed yet again and collapsed down on her desk, muttering, "Uuuuggghh. It escaped anyway... What a waste. I didn't realize that Hawkmoth was such a coward. He usually likes grandstand..."

She was startled when her hand was picked up by Felix's, "You likely scared him off by managing to locate him like that... A risky move, I should mention. I would ask that you not attempt that a second time. No one knows what his akuma is truly capable of. You'll want to keep off of this hand for a while, too."

"Oh, are those the doctor's orders? Why, Felix, it almost sounds like you care about meeee." Marinette was all too amused by Felix's concern for her. She also liked to tease them... AS COWORKERS DO.

"I have an investment in your presence. Now don't be cheeky and let's get you to the nurse's office," They said while holding her wrist and gently pulling her in that direction.

Marinette scoffed, "'An investment in my presence'??"

Felix chuckled while still semi-dragging her by the wrist towards the front of the room, being careful not to hurt her injury even worse, "What did I just say about being cheeky?"

On their way out of the door they passed a VERY distressed-looking Adrien. He seemed to be sharing the sentiment with the entire class of: Did that just happen?

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And thats chapter 4. It is VERY LATE! I know. I've been swamped with work, and when I went to write it, I had zero ideas on how to write this chapter. I never ended up getting those ideas. I just went where my writing took me, so if it doesn't really match the characters that's why. I will try to be better at updating regularly, but it probably won't happen. Sorry to everyone with a normal sleep schedule, but this is the time that I write things. Also I didn't have my outline with me while writing this chapter, so it might not have everything I planned to write in it.

I would like to thank you all for all of the support I've been getting on this fic. Despite all of the chapter delays, you guys have stuck with me through all of it, so thank each and every one of you. I love seeing so many people loving this au as much as I do. Without you guys this story wouldn't exist, and I would've stopped writing it after the first chapter.

As always, constructive criticism is always accepted. I love being able to improve my writing whenever possible.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day/night/whenever you are reading this. See ya next time guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

Taglist

@queer-illusion @apasponsor @heckinggremlin @1-ahiro-1 @hewantedbeefintheparkinglot @sassakitty @lennauts @rianoel @dorkus-minimus @khneltea @welp-that-was-unexpected @mlnchlymrshmllw @lovelyautumnsunflower @chariphrasis @lovesbooks @komatsuna-yuki @polyvirnl @innocentlyguiltyfrenchfry @qhobias @ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole @hammalammadamdam @cloudydaysomewhere @alcoholic-barney @basenikon @xxbehindthemaskxx @corporeal-terrestrial @shadowymemoirs @moonlight-densetsuu

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Hey darling ❤️ love your writing 3000 :) can u do one with Bucky x reader (they’re together) where he overhears the reader on the phone with her parents that are emotionally & verbally abusive towards her (they always have been) and the reader has to explain it all to him afterwards even tho she’s having a panic attack (bc she’s afraid bucky will leave her since she has no one else to go to ??) and bucky comforts her and reassures her that he’s gonna be there for her and like comfort fluff? I live in an emotionally abusive and manipulative household rn and I tell you your fics are like an escape for me. Even if u don’t do this thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

Hey there, I love you 3000 ❤ I am so so sorry to hear about your situation, and while I'm glad to hear that my writing is an escape for you, I want you to know that I'm here for you. No one should have to go through what you described. I hope that this can bring you some comfort but please, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can help you. My DM's are open as well, you shouldn't face this alone. I'm here for you!!!

You owe them nothing

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3200 (ish)

Warnings: emotional abuse/gaslighting, manipulation, parent issues, tears, angst, breakdown, fluff.

---------

You really tried to keep it hidden. It wasn’t something that everyone needed to know about.

Your parents loved you, at least that’s what they had said. But it was one of those things where you felt like it was for show - the kindness that they showed when you were around others faded away once you were alone with them.

You remember once they had said “of course I love you, I’m your parent!”

But that made you wonder how they would treat you if you weren’t theirs.

They were horrible to you for as long as you could remember. Gaslighting you and making you feel like you owed them something even though they were the ones who should have taken care of you.

They were around but never…there. They would be there for family dinners but they were always riddled with criticisms of grades and who you were talking to and how you dressed. All of your hobbies were seen as a waste of time, something you should only do when you had nothing else to do. School came first, naturally, but there was always something they told you you had to do before you could do anything for yourself.

Yet when you would complain about being depressed, they told you to get a hobby because you never do anything.

Tired meant lazy, energetic and passionate meant loud and annoying. When you were quiet they thought you had nothing to say, yet when you expressed your opinions you were told to shut up.

You couldn’t win.

You could never make them happy, there was always something you were doing wrong.

They thought it was their right to monitor who you talked to and saw, what you did outside of school, what sports you could join. When you would say no to the school dances or parties you would make up an excuse about not wanting to go or having work to do. Your friends would call you a buzz kill. Little did they know you would give anything to go.

Whenever you would do something wrong (or anything, period,), your parents would yell at you. They would curse you out, make you cry, only to yell at you for crying like a little bitch.

The older you got, the worse it was.

You thought when you moved out it would be better. But you had all these years of being told you were worthless and having them be your providers. When you got your own place you didn’t really have any friends, nor did you really know how to make friends. You had a job to help you get by, you could support yourself. That wasn’t the issue. You could support yourself, you always had to.

It was that you were so lonely.

You wanted friends but you were so afraid of the criticism you would get. You were afraid to make yourself known, because you were always taught that being told what to do and taught what to think was much more appealing than having your opinion.

But this was an opinionated world.

You were good at what you did, so good that you had gotten a job at S.H.I.E.L.D. You thought that would make you happy, more importantly that it would make your parents happy, but no such luck.

“I got a really great job, guys.”

“Fantastic. I guess you’re just doing so great without us,” they had snapped.

“What? I mean… this is what you wanted right? For me to get a good job?” you had said, confused.

You heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Of course we do, what are you crazy about? Of course we wanted you to get a good job but you just deserted us like we were trash. Have we done nothing for you?”

You felt your heart sink in your stomach. ‘Of course you guys have, I love -”

“Don’t say what you don’t mean. If you really cared about us you’d be helping us out. You got a great job and probably have a huge paycheck that you hoard and you left us here to struggle to make ends meet.”

You took the phone away from your face temporarily to take a shaky breath. Of course they would go there with the salary, why wouldn’t they? All of your paychecks had gone to them, since it was their house and they were feeding you, leaving you with barely enough money for your car and gas and phone bills, only for them to suggest longer hours when you complained.

“I can help you guys out if you need,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

You heard an exasperated sigh on the other line again. “You really should be more grateful, you know? We raised you your entire life and then you leave us alone? You never even call us? You’re so fucking selfish.”

Then the line went dead.

You shook your head and felt tears in your eyes as you spoke to yourself. “Well maybe I would call you if it didn’t always yell at me.”

Of course, you would never say that.

See, it wasn’t so bad. You never said anything because they were only ever mean to you, which would make you uncomfortable. There were people out there that would get hit or who would have to raise themselves from a young age. Once you grew thick skin it wasn’t so bad, you were just being dramatic.

Right?

Your new job was fairly successful, you were fantastic at what you did. You did a lot of behind the scenes work, weapon repair and plans of action with missions. Not that they needed much help with that. Still, they took you in as their friends.

Well, as close as you would let them get to as friends.

It took a while before you warmed up to them. Everyone tended to keep to themselves, but not as much as you. You kept the parts of you hidden away - you were there for a job, you did it, and you did it well. You knew how to do your job but interacting with the team, making friends - you didn’t want to get emotionally attached.

Not like you knew how to make friends to begin with.

Naturally you were drawn to the quieter side of the team, once you were able to open up. They were all nice but sometimes the parties and the jokes were a bit much. You just didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing that would make you the punchline.

No one needed to know about you, or how you would spend your free time being yelled at through a phone with you trying to make it better. That wasn’t part of the job, so you shouldn’t bring it up.

It wasn’t like anyone would want to help. You were just a nuisance to everyone around you.

Right?

No one talked about their life before the team much. Not many people on the team had a great life before the Avengers first came together. Natasha or Wanda had once spoken about how this team was a family. And as much as you wanted to believe it, you helped the team. You weren’t a part of the team. So even if that were true, it didn’t include you.

At least, that was your point of view.

The team viewed you as a part of the team as much as any of them. You didn’t fight with them but you made sure everything would go as smoothly. You were kind and great at what you did, but they wished you would open up more. Of course, being a team of people who had trouble opening up, they understood.

Bucky was one of the ones who took a liking to you, mostly because he saw a lot of himself in you. He could tell there was something that you were trying to get past but weren’t quite able to yet. That there was something bothering but you wouldn’t dare say it for fear of bothering someone. You threw yourself into projects and distractions and from the way you carried yourself, he guessed you were avoiding something that you weren’t ready to work through. At least, not yet.

He knew that feeling too well.

The ex-assassin was one of the easiest for you to open up to because he didn’t expect much from interactions. Both of you were quiet and kept to yourselves that there wasn’t much pressure to share anything or say anything. You knew his past but would never bring it up unless he wanted to. Which eventually, he did. You could tell he felt pressure to be who he was before HYDRA took him, and while Steve was surprised he opened up to you first, you weren’t. Steve knew Bucky before everything, and you didn’t have that bias. He was whoever he was today regardless of who he was yesterday.

And Bucky found comfort in that.

You think you would’ve too, if you thought you deserved it enough to do the same.

See, you were worried that you were making everything worse than it really was. You worried that maybe you were being too sensitive or that what you had grown up with was normal. With everything that everyone on the team went through, a few insults from your parents was hardly anything. You were being dramatic.

There was nothing to be sad or angry about. You just had to get over yourself.

Right?

You were getting by until one night when your parents called, as they did on occasion. You were in the middle of working, so you ignored it. The phone went to voicemail before it started ringing again, and you ignored it, again. The third time you sighed and picked up your phone, turning away from your work.

You took a deep breath before you answered. “Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

You closed your eyes and brought a hand to rub your head. “Well I’m doing fine, thank you, how are you?”

“Don’t give me that attitude. What the fuck are you doing? You’ve been ignoring our calls.”

You stood up to pace the floor slightly, dreading the conversation that was coming. Is it the ‘family is most important’ or the ‘where’s my money?’ speech today? “I’ve been working.”

“What, so work is more important than family now? Is that what this is? You don’t care about us?”

Family speech it is.

“Dad -”

“What if one of us was dying? Huh? Would that be important?”

“Stop it. No one is dying, and I was working. And I have more work to do, so I really have to go.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, I’m your father.”

Gaining confidence you gritted your teeth and snapped, “You know what? I’m an adult now so you can’t tell me what to do.”

There was silence on the other end of the line and you could practically hear the steam coming out of your father’s ears.

At some point Bucky had come down to your working space to check on you, seeing as it was nearly morning. He stopped in the doorway, and seeing you were busy on the phone he thought he would stop by later to give you some privacy. But he stopped when he heard you snap.

You never snap.

“Who do you think you’re talking to you ungrateful little bitch?”

“I’m talking to the people who treated me like shit my entire life and ask me for money when you wouldn’t give me the time of day for 18 fucking years.”

Even you couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. But god did it feel good to say them.

“Are you fucking serious right now? We did nothing for you? What do you think we’ve been doing your whole life? We’ve done everything we did to help you be the best person you could be. You have that job now because of us and you have no right to speak to me that way.”

You chuckled darkly as you looked up at the ceiling, unaware of Bucky’s presence behind you. “My entire life all I’ve ever wanted to do was make you guys proud of me. But you know what? I’m fucking done. You hated me, gaslighted me, and made me hate myself almost as much if not more than you seemed to hate me.”

“I did no such thing you ungrateful -”

“You were supposed to love me and care for me, and all you did was take advantage of me. I’m not your child, I’m a paycheck. I don’t owe you anything because you gave me nothing. So you know what? FUCK. YOU.”

You hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, adrenaline taking over your body as you tried to stop shaking. Because a small part of you felt bad.

But fuck did that feel amazing.

You heard a throat clear behind you and you turned around to see Bucky, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?”

You nodded nervously, rubbing the sides of your arms. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you said, unconvincingly. “How much, uh...how much did you -

“Enough,” he said, pushing himself off of the door frame as he crossed over to you. “Who was that?”

“Bucky, don’t, it’s really fine. I just got a little worked up.”

“Y/n,” he started, looking at you with concern. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one.”

“You don’t get upset like that at no one,” he took your hands in his. “Y/n, you're shaking.”

It was then that you realized your hands were still shaking, trying to keep the anxiety of what happened at bay.

It’s going to be so much worse now.

I can never talk to them again.

Is that a good thing? Didn’t I want that?

Bucky could sense you getting lost in your head. “Sweetheart, tell me what happened, please. I want to help you.”

You pulled your hands away from his and crossed your arms. “You can’t help me because there’s nothing wrong, okay? I handled it, it’s over. Done. nothing to worry about.”

“Y/n -”

“No really, there’s nothing you can do, okay?”

“Will you at least let me try?”

You looked at him, adrenaline starting to drain from your system. This was Bucky, your Bucky, who had never done anything but love and support you. He had never done anything to hurt you.

But what if he left you too?

You took in a sharp breath and curled in on yourself, a scared look on your face. Bucky crossed back over to you, seeing a scared look on your face.

“Hey, hey, y/n? Can you look at me?”

You brought your eyes up to meet his, feeling your chest constricting as you tried to keep your breathing even. It wasn’t working.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t… I’m fine really I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“Hey, it’s alright, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for,” he pulled you in for a hug and kissed the top of your head. “Let’s go sit down, okay?’

He led you over to your bed and you leaned forward, hands on your knees and head in your hands. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening, this - I’m sorry, it’s so stupid, I’m so stupid.”

Bucky rubbed a hand up and down your back, hushing you. “It’s not stupid. If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid.” Bucky took a small breath. “Do you remember all of those times after nightmares and all those panic attacks you would walk me through? How I thought I was being stupid?”

“You weren’t being stupid”

“And neither are you.”

You took some more shaky breaths as tears kept falling down your face. “You’re okay. It’s alright, I’m right here.”

Bucky let you calm down, knowing you would talk about it if you wanted to. He wanted you to talk about it so he could help you (and hurt whoever upset you) but he wouldn’t force you into telling him anything you didn’t want to.

The two of you sat in the silence, Bucky looking at you with soft eyes as you kept your face hidden.

“I haven’t told you a goddamn thing about me. You ever wonder why?”

You looked over at Bucky, eyebrows creased with slight confusion.

“They said blood was supposed to be thicker than water. That family comes first, right? I spent my whole life listening to them and following them and being the perfect kid. I made myself into everything they wanted me to be. And it still wasn’t enough for them.”

Bucky tilted his head slightly. He hadn’t known his parents much before they died but he had always wanted to have more time. But he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that not everyone had good parents.

“You know, I remember thinking that once I made it they would be happy. That if I worked hard enough or went onto do great things that they would be proud of me. That’s all I ever wanted, you know?” you said, voice wavering as you let out a bitter laugh. “But it’s not, you know? Never is, never was, never will be. All they do is take and take and no matter how good I am they’re always gonna hate me because I can’t be perfect.”

“No one’s perfect, y/n.”

“Well that’s what they want me to be. I know I can’t be perfect so I know they’ll never be happy. That they’ll call me ungrateful and selfish for succeeding and for leaving them when they never wanted me to be there to begin with.” You felt tears spill over as you wiped them away. “And I’m ust so fucking done with being a disappointment to them and to everyone else.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I don’t know,” you said softly, not really wanting to be more vulnerable.

Bucky, sensing this was a time he could push you, challenged you. “I think you do.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t want anyone to see me the way they did. I thought what they said wasn’t true but...I just thought that maybe I was overreacting. Other people have it worse you know - some people have no parents or some have it so much worse. Mine just yell at me you know? Tell me everything’s my fault and that they wish they’d never had me. That I’m ungrateful for not being with them and that I owe them. I just...I heard that for the first 18 years of my life. I didn’t need any more of it.”

“y/n, that’s…” he swallowed, trying to contain his anger. “That’s not normal. No one should have to go through that. You can’t possibly think you're a bad person.”

Your shrug was enough to tell him that you did.

“Y/n, I don’t know who your parents think they are but you don’t owe them a damn thing. You may be related to them but you have no obligation to love your parents if they treat you like that. You have every right to be angry or to hate them. It doesn’t make you a bad person to be angry with someone who hurt you.”

“But they’re my family.”

“Well they didn’t treat you like it. You have us now, you don’t need them anymore. We’re your family. And we’re not gonna leave you.”

“They didn’t leave me Bucky, I left them.”

“You can’t leave someone who was never there for you.”

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