#a rewatch is in order! or perhaps a read through B))

[tvrningout-archived]

while i'm setting up my new blog, are there any characters y'all wouldn't mind seeing me test out? i've added kyojuro to the list, but is there anybody else y'all wanna see? they don't have to be from one of the fandoms i currently write -- so long as i know the series, i can try my hand with them!

[mobius-m-mobius]

Pt. 1: My apologies in advance for the essay this is gonna be but I've been rewatching Loki s1 and. On a first watch I resigned myself to what seemed the inevitable heterosexuality of Marvel's choices, but rewatching now it's wild how much a Lokius reading of s1 sticks the landing, despite the apparent Sylkie triumph??

See. Okay for starters. Taking as read the adorable speedrun at which Loki and Mobius start revolving around one another and Mobius sticks his neck out for Loki and Loki lights up like the sun under Mobius’ attention. I don't think Loki's betrayal was inevitable. Sure he’s telling himself it is, grasping for a sense of continuity with himself, but when he chooses to run after Sylvie there’s real hesitation. (I don’t think he’d ever just go ‘yeah TVA fascism seems cool!’ but I think part of him was starting to wonder whether there was a way forward with Mobius instead of against him).

Specifically in this watch it hit me so hard that right before he runs after Sylvie he has this exchange with B-15 and Mobius:

Loki: “You can trust me. I understand I have to earn that, so, I will.”

Mobius: “Why is it the people you can’t trust are always saying ‘trust me’?”

And it lingers on Loki after that. Mobius walks away, and Loki watches him go.

Then I think about the fight with Sylvie at the end of time, Loki referring to himself as someone who categorically cannot be trusted even though he has no intent to betray her—because even though he knows he's changed, he’s lied too many times for anyone to reasonably put faith in him. So I just imagine him in this exchange with Mobius being on the cusp of meaning it, of really truly considering earning trust and then honest to goodness being trustworthy, only to think—if even Mobius can’t believe him. Where is the good in being trustworthy if he nevertheless cannot be trusted?

And so he regresses. In ep1 he says “you can trust no one but yourself”, which Mobius hand-waves as a cynical platitude. But in the very moment it seems there is no path forward with Mobius, Loki is in a position to make that platitude reality. Sylvie—a person he currently thinks of as himself—is there. Perhaps Loki could have trusted Mobius; but surly he can trust this other himself more? And, perhaps even more crucially, it may be that he himself is the only creature in the universe who can trust him back. Perhaps he himself is thereby the only one it is possible to build a relationship with.

And so when the moment comes, he runs after Sylvie. But even so, he hesitates. Is torn. And I wonder truly if, had that exchange with Mobius not just occurred, he might have made a different choice. Even so early as that.

But the really interesting stuff is when you properly get into ‘Sylkie’.

(Continued in Pt2. Once more. I am sorry)

Wanted to post your messages in opposite order so part 1 is above 2 and hopefully makes the entire thing a bit easier for anyone who wants to read through all of it at once, so I hope it's all right that I kept the bulk of my reply to part 2!

It honestly means so much that you'd think of me when wanting to discuss the show or be excited about new thoughts or theories running through your mind so please don't think of apologizing for a moment 💖

[midnightrings]

Writing Analysis: River Song (Part One: Silence of the Library/Forest of the Dead)

[Note: Some time ago, when I decided to rewatch Doctor Who to catch up (which has been a while ago, I keep getting distracted lmao) I’ve had the idea to pay some close attention to how River Song’s character arc and storyline evolve throughout the show. Mainly out of personal interest (and also because I’m still working on a River/Doctor multichapter fanfiction), I’ve started taking some notes during her appearances to somewhat analyse her character and writing.

I’ve always found her writing quite interesting because a) she was written out of order, and b) she only appeared in a handful of episodes/stories. Yet, I still completely fell in love with her character (and her relationship with the Doctor), never feeling like she or her arc were not fully developed.

I have not really shared many analyses/interpretations/etc. for a while now (mainly because I’m not that active in most fandom spaces anymore cause … well, they can be rather exhausting), though I always enjoy it and told myself I will start sharing them more often, just in case someone is interested in reading them. This will obviously be in several parts (that I have not finished yet, so I don’t know how long this will take). I will also keep it quite general throughout (so this won't be a deep dive analysis of her) as the focus lays more on how her character and relationship with the Doctor evolve, rather than trying to analyse every single frame. ]

River’s character

This two-parter introduces us to her character and we already learn quite a lot about her. The episodes show that she is clearly smart and intelligent - besides the fact that she is an archeology professor, she also shows technical knowledge and can easily follow the Doctor’s thoughts and instructions. She has a mind of her own and can be quite stubborn as well – not signing Lux’s agreement, not listening to the Doctor when she believes him to be in the wrong, taking charge herself. On top of that, she also displays a lot of compassion: she cares about her team’s wellbeing, obviously about the Doctor too, and later sacrifices herself to save everyone else. Essentially, she clearly shows a lot of character traits you would usually see in the Doctor’s companions, and perhaps even beyond that, as she appears equal to the Doctor in both, intelligence and agency.

“Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here.”

This also introduces us to her theme of time (and time travel, obviously). She coins the term spoilers here, due to not being able to tell the Doctor anything about his future, despite his attempts to find out more. It also shows that she is responsible about time travel, as once she realizes the Doctor has never met her before, she tries to keep any possible spoilers to herself. She also prevents him from killing himself, keeping the timeline in tact (though this was probably majorly due to more selfish reasons, as she obviously did not want to eliminate their time together). This also makes her appear as rather mysterious, though I would not necessarily describe her as a generally secretive person, as she does not hide her emotions or thoughts as showcased by her conversations with and about the Doctor. She does not choose to be secretive, she simply has to be.

Relationship with the Doctor

“He hasn't met me yet. I sent him a message but it went wrong. It arrived too early. This is the Doctor in the days before he knew me. And he looks at me - he looks right through me - and it shouldn't kill me, but it does.”

The nature of their relationship (at least out of River’s perspective at this point) becomes pretty clear throughout the story. Messaging him via his psychic paper, the conversations (or, I’d rather say monologues) she has with her team and Donna in regards to the Doctor as well as her death speech show the close connection she has with him. The slight flirting (specifically in the beginning of the first episode, before she realizes he does not know her yet) also let’s us know exactly what type of connection that is, as well as her heartbreak upon realizing he has not met her before.

In this context, we also get the theme of trust. The Doctor is clearly wary of her, and when she uses a screwdriver (which a future version of the Doctor has given to her) – while it shows us even more how close they would be in the future – it makes him even more suspicious of her. This then prompts River to tell him his name in order for him to trust her. With his name representing such a huge secret and mystery, it is clear now that she is someone extremely special to him, and it becomes clear to the Doctor as well, turning his caution into trust (to some extent, at least). It also creates an interesting relationship between Ten and River for the rest of the episode, as – while he does not know her yet – he is aware that she will be important to him in the future, in the end saving her for his future self’s sake.

“Doctor, one day I'm going to be someone that you trust, completely. But I can't wait for you to find that out. So I'm going to prove it to you. And I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry.“

Of course, the theme of time plays an important role in their relationship here as well. River’s diary, which consists of their future together, becomes a symbol for their relationship, not just in this story, but throughout their episodes. River breaking the spoilers-rule by telling the Doctor that she knows his true name lays the aforementioned basis of trust they would not otherwise have. The screwdriver – though we won’t see it again until River’s last episode – also turns into another symbol, allowing the Doctor through his future self to save her, initially creating a paradox. And then, of course, her death: the Doctor, being forced to watch her die, before even knowing her, represents – despite the otherwise somewhat (twisted) happy ending – the tragedy of their relationship.

Mystery

Now, for a good part of her storyline, the mystery surrounding her character and her relationship with the Doctor is also a prominent theme. I’ve decided to make this a separate category instead of a continuous theme, as it obviously does not occupy her entire storyline but it is an interesting aspect to look at, and see how – in terms of writing – that mystery evolves.

At this point, the mystery consists of only one question: who is she in relation to the Doctor? Of course, River’s interactions with him throughout this two-parter, her final speech and the knowledge of his name strongly hint at the fact that she is in a romantic relationship with him (or will be in the future, out of his perspective). It is never completely revealed, of course but made as apparent as it could be without directly stating it. So the mystery at this point is more whether we will see her again and see her story with the Doctor unfold or not.

Misc. thoughts

I find it quite interesting that the term ‘spoilers’ was first used at the beginning of this story by the Doctor and Donna. While later on, it definitely becomes River’s term (almost like a catchphrase) and is primarily centered around their relationship, at this point it was clearly meant as a theme for the episode that they later reused for River’s entire arc.

General/Final thoughts

What I believe to be very interesting about this two-parter is that, obviously, no one knew whether River would return or not, and as such, she is written like a one-time character. Thankfully, she returned for future episodes, but the story did not need further episodes to back up her character arc. She has been created and written for this story and was as such an already fleshed-out character as we finish the two-parter. And I believe that this really helped her character writing. Had they already known she would return, I have no doubt she would’ve been left rather ambiguous, to allow to shape her character more as the story progresses and to create a bigger mystery (as is done later). Her character arc is already well rounded at this point, and all of the future storylines essentially simply add onto that and use this story as a basis for her character, basically functioning as an outline for her future story arc.

[okay-j-hannah]

Part 3: The Ending Song

Doctor Who : Multishot

Tenth Doctor x Reader

Word Count: 7889

Warnings: blood and death - and BY GOLLY my HEART brEaKiNg! I rewatched ‘The End of Time’ and literally s o b b e d 

Request: This is just from my own head 😊 ​

A/N: You and the Doctor grow closer 😏 but you also grow closer to the inevitable. And Holy Hell I’m so excited for you guys to read this part and the next one!

Prologue: The Dying Girl

Part 1: The Sun God

Part 2: The Tonic

Part 3: The Ending Song {You Are Here}

Part 4: The Dream

A raucous cough tore through her lungs, a metallic tang appearing on the back of her tongue. She wiped at her nose, clearing it of the blood it trickled.

“I could imagine the look on your stupid face,” she muttered, staring at the redness on her fingers, “You’d be so furious.” She grinned, laughing until she coughed again.

She sat at her dining table, hands shaky and sweaty as they held a leatherbound journal. The cover was etched with all sorts of designs, the same ones engraved on her zybanium watch. She had learned those funny circles and lines were Gallifreyan, the language of her people.

The Doctor had written the alphabet within the cover page, and in turn she was able to inscribe the writing on the front. 

She figured an account of her adventures with the Doctor were in order. It was, after all, what she thought about while she was stuck in her quarantined house. The discovery of her true origin was not enough to bring back her memories, but the ones she’d had… they were important enough to be documented.

You see, it was starting to dawn on (Y/N) that her time was up. The dying girls time was up. The Doctor was out saving the universe, waiting for a cure, and she was stuck there getting sicker all the while.

An empty iodine bottle sat beside the journal. The sight of it only made her smile grimly. Perhaps she should be upset with the Doctor, that he’d gotten sidetracked with doomed planets and desperate people. But that was one of the things she loved about him:

He couldn’t say no to someone asking for help.

Instead, with the days… hours… that she had left, she was going to write. Write about the memories she had, the ones that really mattered.

“You said, before when we were going to St. Bartholomew’s, that you were 900 years old.”

“904 actually.” The Doctor had thrown his coat over one of the many arches of the TARDIS.

(Y/N) sauntered over to the console, leaning against the railing, “So that’s a Time Lord thing; you live for hundreds of years?”

“Thousands,” he said, eyes sparkling at the questions, “Lords of time, we ought to have liberties with how much time we’re given to live.”

“That’s such a long time though,” (Y/N) said, “What do you do with all of it?”

He shrugged, “A lot of this,” he gestured towards the TARDIS, “We monitor time and space and make sure the big historical events happen and anything else out of the ordinary is fixed. We spend a lot of time studying… I hated all that studying.”

“But today you said there were no more Time Lords. Do you expect to live for thousands of years just on your own like that?”

His face was set, but he flounced about as if nothing was amiss in that question, “I’ve got some friends – sure they don’t always stick around – but I’ve been perfectly all right traveling on my own up til now. Why shouldn’t I just keep going on like that?”

“Seems like an awful lot of responsibility. All of space and creation under your jurisdiction.”

“I find it fascinating,” he flashed her a wide, cheeky grin.

“Yeah, but doesn’t it ever get overwhelming? I mean, trillions of years of material at your fingertips. Trillions of people with agency to mess it all up. It must be confusing figuring out what is supposed to be a historical event and what must be fixed.”

“It’s a curse, (Y/N).” His face was suddenly serious, “Some things are fixed, some things are in flux. That’s how I see the universe. Every waking second, I can see what is, what was, what could be, what must not. That’s the burden of a Time Lord, (Y/N). And I’m the only one left.”

The way his voice tapered off at the end made her pause her interrogation. He fiddled with a few TARDIS things, grabbing wires and slinging them over the railing. She’d come to realize that he was obsessed with keeping himself occupied.

It was as though he knew he’d completely fall apart if he sat still and quiet with his thoughts for too long.

That was the day he sat her down and spoke in detail about his home planet. He spoke of his schoolboy days and how strict his upbringing was. He spoke of the autumn colors painting his world. He spoke of his friends and colleagues, the ones that urged him to run away when he did. He spoke of when he first took the TARDIS. Of how he’d been running ever since.

And in his effort to constantly keep moving, the Doctor and (Y/N) had landed themselves in a number of unsavory missions. Ones that didn’t always produce survivors.

“It’s either this entire ship or the rest of the world!” he yelled over the sirens. Water shoved its way into the lower decks, spraying the pair damp.

(Y/N) was livid, shouting above him, “There are hundreds of people on this ship! How can this be a fixed point in history? It’s just the Bermuda Triangle! It wouldn’t miss one ship.”

The Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver at the captains wheel, sparks flying, “And if these people live there will be hundreds of changes happening in the world. These people are meant to die, (Y/N)!”

She kicked water at him, “And you’re going to kill them?!”

He was breathing heavy, eyes wild and limbs working mechanically, “The creatures in this water need to feed. After this lot, most of them will become dormant. If they don’t get their fill they will resort to the shores and we don’t want to see what they can do on land, trust me.”

“Trust me – trust me – trust me,” (Y/N) waved her hands through the air, “That’s what you’ve been telling these people! What about the man whose got a pregnant wife back home? Or what about the first mate saving up to buy his parents their dream house? This is not just some historical event – they are real people with lives!”

“DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT!” His hair sopping, suit hanging limp at his shoulders, the Doctor stared at her with such anguish. “It’s a curse, (Y/N), a burden I must carry. I need to save the most people I can.”

“But no one should have to make those kinds of decisions. How could you?”

“I have to.” He stuck his screwdriver at a control panel, setting it ablaze as the water rose to their knees, “We have to get out of here.”

He walked away with a heavy step, (Y/N) watching him with angry tears in her eyes. She pushed her soaking wet hair out of her face, splashing purposefully towards him and grasping his arm.

“Just some, Doctor. The ship is about to go under, and I know there are people already lost to those creatures. But we can still save some.” She tried to pierce through the fire licking his gaze. He always got that way when he made impossible decisions.

“Please,” she begged, pulling on his arm. “You don’t have to save everyone, you can’t… But you have to save someone. At least one.”

And when they made it to the TARDIS, unknown sea monsters breaking the ship apart, they found half a dozen people gathered around the blue box. Some were injured, others were pinned by wreckage.

The Doctor assisted with pulling them free, ushering everyone into the box, “Everyone get in; hurry!”

(Y/N) was relieved, seeing the hope and kindness flood back into him. They were able to save those six people, safely returning them to the nearest shore.

(Y/N) then found herself sitting in the small living space outside her bedroom, a cup of tea and a book in hand. Her hair was still damp, but she’d changed into comfy pajamas. The Doctor was very quiet as he approached her, taking a seat on the adjacent couch.

He didn’t look at her when he said, “Yeah, you were right.” He played with his fingers awkwardly, “Sometimes I do need someone. To pull me back.”

He gave her a small thankful smile and she shone it back. They let that settle before (Y/N) took a sip of her tea and sighed dramatically.

“Molto bene!”

The Doctor gave an amused smirk, “Molto bene.”

And that’s how the USS Cyclops mysteriously disappeared traveling through the Bermuda Triangle back in 1918.

It’s also how (Y/N) discovered that the Doctor may be alone, may choose to be alone. But he shouldn’t be – he can’t be. Loneliness makes him bitter and if all people saw was the Oncoming Storm, they would never know the selfless, kind, brilliant, man she saw.

(Y/N) coughed and a spray of blood flecked the surface of her writing.

~~~

“You need to hold still.”

“Ow! Then stop making it worse.”

“It’s your squirming making it worse.” The Doctor dabbed at her arm, “If you had just stayed on the TARDIS…”

She hissed at the cotton swab, “No, if you had just let me take more of the tonic…”

“We have to make that last, (Y/N).”

“You’re impossible.”

“No,” the Doctor grabbed her chin, tilting her face towards him, “You are impossible.”

She had a funny feeling he was referring to more than her stubbornness. He had that same burning in his gaze, like he was smoldering on the inside. She thought she would never get used to it as it made her skin prickle with a pleasant static.

He seemed to notice the shift in her mood and smirked cheekily. Now that made her blush.

“How are your hearts?” he got a stupid grin on his face whenever he asked that.

“The left one is still faint,” she whispered, embarrassed by the butterflies his smile was giving her. “I don’t think it’ll be strong again until the cure.”

“We’ll need your blood, Doctor,” Novice Hame said, one of her sisters preparing a blood bag. “We should be able to create something healing from it, now that we know you’re both the same species.”

The Doctor had refused to take his hand out of (Y/N)’s, let alone leave her side, since finding out she was a Time Lord. He beamed importantly at the news his blood could be her saving grace.

“It has been extremely fortunate that you two are together,” one of the sisters said, “If the Doctor weren’t here, there’d be no hope for (Y/N).”

(Y/N) squeezed the Doctor’s hand, anxious energy making her chest constrict. And she couldn’t help but think: of all the alien species to be a part of… she was grateful it was Time Lord.

“She’ll need some transfusions when the process is complete. Hopefully putting natural Time Lord cells back in her body will spring it into action and create her own.”

(Y/N) sat in the med bay with a frown on her face, the Doctor closing her arm wound with a bandage. “I can’t wait to have regeneration energy.”

“Neither can I,” the Doctor said gleefully. “You’ll heal much faster with it.”

She swung her legs below the bed, “How long do you think a cure will take?”

“I’m not sure. Now,” he rubbed his hands together, “Do you want to go over Gallifreyan again? We could practice your alphabet. Or we could head to the basement and find my photo albums, old relics. The TARDIS is full of ancient history – just like me!” He gave a goofy smile, “I’ll show you what I have on the Citadel on Wild Eneavour. And, and Mount Cadon – the highest peak – where it can go past the violet clouds and the air diamonds. Or maybe we could go over Lake Abydos, quite literally the only lake on the planet. We used to do a lot of summer holidays there with the singing fish and the zinc hawthorns.”

“Doctor…” (Y/N) had a few fingers to her nose staunching a few drops of blood.

The Doctor froze for a few seconds before digging into his pockets, pockets that she was sure were full of Time Lord science – bigger on the inside. And he extracted an iodine bottle, “Here, drink…”

She took a few sips, relishing in the life giving sensation. But she could feel in her bones that a few sips wasn’t enough. She still felt tired.

“Doctor, I want to go out.”

He looked at her with a perceptive gaze, “We were just out.”

“Yeah, out with the Slitheen and I got this,” she pointed at her arm. “I want to go somewhere touristy.” She watched him gauge how sick she was before she continued, “I know finding out what I am has changed a few things. I do. But I don’t want it to change everything!”

The Doctor folded his arms, giving her his full attention.

“I’m grateful that I’m able to learn about my heritage and my culture. But being on this TARDIS – being with you – we’re adventurers and companions! I don’t want that to change. I think we’ve gone a bit overboard on the history lessons.”

He jutted his jaw, nodding, “I – I didn’t realize I had overwhelmed you.”

She gave him a shy look, “I can’t imagine what it must feel like. To know you’re not the last one anymore.”

The Doctor swallowed hard, tilting his head to the side in an adorable fashion.

“I don’t blame you, is what I’m saying.”

He sighed, his gaze smoldering, “We can’t do anything strenuous.”

“Do tourists tend to do strenuous things?”

“When you go to my favorite touristy spots.”

“Well, then pick a place that’s your definition of boring,” she said, sliding off the bed. “And we’ll have a relaxing day – just the two of us.” She was sure he’d like the sound of that.

And from the burning gaze and crooked smile, she was indeed correct.

“My dear, (Y/N),” he stood before her, grazing his fingers along her hairline and pushing strands away. “We will do whatever you want.” He let his hand stay on her cheek, using the pad of his thumb to lightly trace her cheekbone. “As long as it’s with me.”

She smiled though her breath stuck in her throat. There he was looking at her again with that look. It sent shivers down her arms.

She hadn’t felt something like that in a very very long time. She had to take a step back and out of his grasp just to form words in her mouth, “Well, let’s go then.”

(Y/N) adored the Doctor. From the first few adventures she knew she did. And with that came a few suppressed feelings. It helped her realize she wasn’t in love with Andrew anymore. It also helped her realize that the Doctor couldn’t. He couldn’t let himself fall.

If he were to fall for a human, it would be disastrous for his heart. It was bad enough with the many friends and companions he’d lost. So (Y/N) shut that part out, she tried to only feel companionship. And sometimes she thought – maybe – maybe he was suppressing something too.

But even if he did, he wouldn’t act on it.

Now if he were to fall for another Time Lord…

(Y/N) was sure that was why he was looking at her with those smoldering eyes. She hadn’t recognized them because he hadn’t allowed himself before.

But she wanted to be positive – absolutely positive – that the Doctor was falling for her for more than the fact she was of the same species. She needed to know if he cared about her in that way before the news.

And as they landed and walked into a city wide marketplace, she thought of ways to bring it up.

The Doctor smoothly intertwined their fingers together, swinging them between their walking figures. And he had no intentions on letting go anytime soon.

They meandered the alien stalls, taking in all the foreign things they were selling. The pair of them laughed at bobbles and knickknacks, the Doctor deciding on a present for the TARDIS. (Y/N) shopped for something to give the Sisters of Plentitude for all their help.

The Doctor marveled at her kind heart, saying the order was a charity and they wouldn’t accept gifts. She insisted they’d enjoy some flowers.

He nudged her shoulder with his and they ran for the street of caterers and food stalls. They nibbled on alien sandwiches and tested a strain of space milk. (Y/N) even got the Doctor to try some frothy drink and made him laugh so hard it came shooting out of his nose.

They chose a lunch and sat under a crowd of tables and umbrellas. They talked about each of the species they could see bargaining and shopping for themselves. The Doctor spilled galaxy ketchup on his coat and (Y/N) leaned over to clean it off.

And the Doctor stared flirtatiously.

They put their plates in an incinerator and (Y/N) gave their leftovers to some homeless on the corner. They gifted her with shiny stones, and she pocketed them with thanks.

And the Doctor stared adoringly.

They wandered the next street with fabrics and silks. Each vendor pulled on (Y/N), asking her to try on headdresses and scarves. She obliged the first few times, becoming bedecked with jewels and robes and wonderous hats that fell past her ears. She giggled and tried to peek at the Doctor from beneath the layers.

And the Doctor stared longingly.

(Y/N) was finding herself more and more flustered the longer they were out. They walked, hand in hand, trying to find the most ridiculous looking objects. The Doctor kept lowering his head to whisper in her ear – and it was doing startling things to her stomach.

They happened upon a bench where they took a rest, the Doctor insisting that (Y/N)’s raised breathing rate was because she needed more tonic.

And across the way she noticed a couple and their two children. A husband, kissing his wife’s cheek and tickling her nose. He put a flower in her hair and held her hand to his chest. She stared at him as if he were the only thing in the universe that mattered. The children held onto their mother’s hand and stood on their father’s toes.

The sight made (Y/N) smile and dreamily she sighed. Something the Doctor noticed immediately.

“What you stalking that family for?”

She scoffed and playfully nudged his arm, “No, I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” He looked at her fidgeting fingers and waited.

“I’d like to be married one day. Just like that.”

The Doctor held back a smile, “And the children?”

“I’d like some of those too,” she said airily, “I did become a schoolteacher for a reason.” She was still looking towards the family, oblivious to how he was looking at her.

“I think about those things too.”

She snapped her head to him, “Really?”

He nodded slowly, shrugging his shoulders, “Believe it or not, I don’t want to be a foxy bachelor all my life.”

There was a pause when she gave him a disbelieving smile, “But your adventures and the danger and the running around the universe. It all makes having a family seem out of the ordinary for you.”

The Doctor turned his warm brown eyes to hers, lightly taking her hand in both of his. He then looked down at their hands and mumbled, “I’m capable of being domestic.” He traced his finger around each of her knuckles, “Everything you see there – I’m capable of that too.”

(Y/N) suddenly wished they could sit like that forever.

The Doctor continued, “If that’s what you want.” He returned his gaze to hers and they were molten. His eyes were wide, innocent, questioning.

She had to control her breathing, “But – but what about what you want?”

His eyes were still wide and imploring, but he raised her hand and kissed the knuckles he’d been tracing. “I want what you want.”

“I wouldn’t want you to change for me.”

“I would do anything for you, (Y/N).”

It was a good thing she had discovered her second heart because her first one just gave out.

He seemed to relish in the effect he was having on her. From beside their bench, the Doctor plucked a few wildflowers, purple and blue and grey. He offered them with a pleasant smile on his face.

“For you.”

She lightly took them, their fingers burning where they touched. “Doctor…” she hesitated.

“(Y/N)…” he looked at her with those smoldering coals. “I – I know I haven’t made myself perfectly clear.” There was a new waver in his voice, and it put a stutter in (Y/N)’s still functioning heart. “But I… I would like you to know…”

“YOU THERE!”

The pair of them whipped their heads towards the addressee. A bangled woman draped in crochet and beads. “It would be an honor to read your palms. Please, join me for some good fortunes.”

The Doctor audibly let out a breath, his chest deflating as the moment left them. (Y/N) gave him a knowing smile, biting her lip at the defeated look on his face.

“I’m not one for fortunes, thank you,” the Doctor said, his expression frustrated.

(Y/N) held in a laugh, “I wouldn’t mind a go.”

The teller waved her many ringed fingers towards her, “Marvelous – if you would follow me to the tent.”

(Y/N) stood, holding her hand out for the Doctor, “Oh, don’t give me that.” He pouted further, “It’s some harmless cards and tricks. We are having a day out – and besides…” She bit her bottom lip, “Are you really going to sit here and let me go in alone?”

The Doctor jumped up, “I’ve always enjoyed pointing out a sham.”

“Don’t spoil the fun.”

“What’d ya mean? That is the fun.”

She squeezed his hand, still holding the flowers, “You know being clever all the time isn’t always sexy.”

“You think it’s sexy?”

“Not all the time.” She laughed, pulling him into the tent.

The Doctor laughed too, deep and playful in his throat.

It was stuffy with heavy perfumes beneath the curtains. It was dark except for a few candles and fairy lights. (Y/N) held onto the Doctor’s arm, snickering at the ambiance.

“Take a seat,” the fortune teller said, “And I shall foretell the future.”

The Doctor was all skepticism and vague amusement, but (Y/N) sat on the edge of her seat, eyes wide in the dark. She held out her hand eagerly, enjoying the fun of it all.

“Your hand,” the woman said, stroking a finger, “Is most peculiar.”

“Ooo…” (Y/N) hummed, leaning into the Doctor.

“Your lifeline is unusually short.” There was silence in the tent, “It’s broken and faded. I don’t like the look of that at all.”  

(Y/N) gave an uneasy laugh, “Yes, well – that could mean a lot of things.”

“Have you ever considered a blood transfusion?”

“What?” It was the Doctor’s turn to be on the edge of his seat.

The fortune teller gazed at him thoughtfully, holding (Y/N)’s hand tighter, “Have you always worn a tie?” When the Doctor remained quiet, she continued, “I would start thinking about bowties instead.”

“What do you know about blood transfusions?” he demanded.

The woman smiled and a few of her teeth gleamed gold. “You hope to stop the spread, but it will not work.” She grasped (Y/N)’s arm, drawing her close, “You, my dying girl, are meant to break and fade until you are nothing but dead. Like the rest of your people, you are meant to burn and turn to ash… you… the lost Time Lady.”

The Doctor stood, “Enough!”

“But don’t you feel it?” the woman continued, “The cold; the death rattling?”

(Y/N) took a shaky breath, and it came out in a gust of ice. The Doctor had a hand on her shoulder, “Come on.” He drew his sonic screwdriver and made the lights shine brighter, only to have them flicker and die.

“The Reapers?”

A scythe shone in the dark and (Y/N) felt the Doctor yank her outside. “We’ve got to hide.” The marketplace was crowded and stuffed with trinkets and laughter. It sounded strange at such a moment of panic.

Though the Reapers couldn’t stand the daylight out in the open, the fortune teller came from her tent and peered for her targets. Beneath her many layers of shawls and scarves came a weapon of alien technology.

“Big gun Doctor – very big gun!”

He ground out a sigh and pulled her along in the crowd. The sudden shift in pace had an instantaneous effect on (Y/N). She knew, earlier that day, she knew; she hadn’t taken enough tonic to be all right.

They needed to get to the TARDIS quick.

The Doctor wasn’t afraid to shove people out of the way. “Don’t look back, (Y/N). We aren’t that far.”

“Doctor,” she wheezed, her grip slackening in his, “I – I can’t run like this.”

He gripped at her hand, trying to keep her close, “You can do it, (Y/N) – come on.”

A purple blast exploded the stall next to them and (Y/N) was torn from the Doctor’s grasp. He rolled across the ground, falling into a different vendor with a crash. (Y/N) coughed, her lungs itching and burning.

That fortune teller woman came from the shadows, weapon aimed for the Doctor. And (Y/N) crawled on the ground, unable to do much more than hack up her lungs. She looked towards the Doctor and saw, remarkably, one of her tonic bottles laying on the dirt floor. It must have fallen out of the Doctor’s pocket when he tumbled.

“Hello, old man,” the woman called, “Man of regrets – man of sneakers and tweed and ties and fezzes.”

“What is this fixation on his outfits?” (Y/N) called, running and tackling the fortune teller, “A fez? Really?” She wrestled the woman down, overpowering the weapon out of her hands.

“Oi!” The Doctor stood from the collapsed and burning stall, “What did you do?”

(Y/N) shrugged, “Saved your life. Have you got a problem with that!” She aimed the weapon at the fortune teller’s tent, hoping that there were still a few Reapers in there waiting in the dark. And in a monstrous blow, the canvased stall exploded into purple flame and smoke.

“Here, happy Hanukkah,” and (Y/N) tossed the gun towards the homeless she’d given food to earlier. She grappled for the Doctor’s hand, “Allons-y!”

“That’s my line you little thief.” They ran off for the TARDIS, (Y/N) no longer wheezing from the effort.

“I didn’t steal anything; the bottle just fell out of your pocket.”

“We were supposed to make that last, (Y/N)!” The Doctor snapped his fingers and the TARDIS doors opened. They slammed into the railing within, the Doctor moving to get the ship into orbit.

(Y/N) sighed dramatically, “You’re welcome!”

“No, (Y/N) – you don’t get it,” he pulled a lever and twirled a knob, “I need you to care that you’re this much closer to death. You only have two bottles left and who knows how quickly those will go.”

He practically jumped the railing to get to her, “I need you to stay safe and protected and near me. You don’t understand – how could you – I never told you. You are the single most important thing in this universe.”

“I’m not…”

“TO ME! To me you are the single most important thing. Before, long before we solved your little mystery, I knew you were special. You were going to be problem for me. You kept me company, but you also opened me up and became my first companion to ever really know me. You made it impossible not to love you!”

(Y/N) stuttered, her mouth slightly agape.

“And I was selfish, terribly selfish – I wanted you all to myself. I was selfish, but I had manners. You had a fiancé, and I couldn’t… not with a human… I’ve tried before and it always falls apart. I couldn’t have it fall apart with you. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

He walked towards her, hands holding onto her shoulders, “I thought if I could have you as a companion it would be enough. Enough. But it wasn’t. Just being near you… oh, (Y/N) – do you have any idea? Any idea at all?”

Her eyes were wide and watering. The desperation in the Doctor’s face was striking, it was painful. His breath came out fast, brows furrowed and searching. He was trying to make her see, and when she barely shook her head, he lessened his grip on her shoulders.

His brows slanted in pain and those wide innocent eyes came out. He raised his hands to her face, holding her gently, “Then let me show you.” And he drew her close, brushing noses with her.

His breath was quick on her lips, tilting and hovering – waiting. His questioning, innocent eyes watched her expression, giving her the chance to pull away. In response, (Y/N) trailed her fingers down his sides, to his belt, and drew him closer.

He no longer looked so scared. And when her eyes fluttered closed, he met her lips with a sear of fire. He held her face to him fierce, kissing her deeply. It was all consuming, desperate, full of glee and longing. He leaned into her until they were backing up and into the wall of the ship.

(Y/N) barely noticed as she wound her fingers up and into his hair – something she’d been dying to do for ages. He growled deep in his throat, her fingers tugging at the base of his neck.

It was fire and she was burning. Burning up from the heat of it all.

He held the back of her head, pressing her against the wall. And the sigh that came from her made him smile into the kiss.

And when they pulled away it was all smiles and tight embraces. (Y/N) held in a laugh, leaning to bite his bottom lip teasingly. The Doctor growled again, kissing her once, twice, thrice more. Her lips, her cheek, her neck.

He was intoxicating – having him so near that his hair tickled her nose – it was simply intoxicating. He nuzzled her shoulder where he stopped his kisses. Then he was embracing her, holding her so close.

“I think I’ve got the idea now,” she whispered. And the Doctor laughed into her neck. “I noticed after I was named a Time Lord… you were acting different.”

He pulled back, looking into her face with slight confusion, but he couldn’t wipe off the lovestruck smile.

“You – you’ve been more affectionate than I’ve ever seen you.” He stroked a finger from her temple down to her chin. “I was afraid it was only because I was a Time Lady.”

He smirked, “No. It was long before that. I would’ve asked you to travel with me forever, alien or not.”

She smiled warmly, but it was her turn to have her brows slant in pain. “That’s just it though. If we want forever… I’ve got to be more careful. I’ve got to make the tonic last and I won’t be able to do that running around and blasting marketplaces.”

“Since when have you started listening to me?”

“Since you started kissing me you daft mickey,” she giggled, pushing against him, but she fisted his jacket. “And life on the TARDIS isn’t exactly restful. I can’t keep up; I’ll just slow you down.”

The Doctor gazed at her thoughtfully. He didn’t want it to be true, but she was clever. She always had been.

“I want to go home. To keep me safe. To keep us safe.”

“You’re actually asking to be put on bedrest.” The humor was in his tone, but his eyes were upset, “How will you ever make it shut up in a house?”

She scrunched up her nose in thought and it made him laugh under his breath. “Just make sure those cats hurry it up. I want my Doctor back in time for Christmas.”

And the Doctor took her home. He left her in her small flat with one iodine bottle. He would keep the other as a promise to come back.

He stole away a few more kisses, taking in as much of her as he could before departing.

“I’m going to come back to you.”

“You better, smart aleck,” she smiled, giving him a chaste kiss and backing away, “But not before helping a few planets first. I know you can’t help yourself.”

“I don’t know,” the Doctor said, hands in his pockets, “I’d want to save all the best adventures for you.”

(Y/N)’s smile faltered, her arms hugging herself. “Find a companion while you’re out there, yeah? I don’t like the thought of you being on your own.”

He gawked, “And try to replace you?”

“I’m not just a companion anymore, am I?” she winked, “I’m permanent.”

“Irreplaceable.”

~~~

The TARDIS was at a standstill, everyone inside judging the condition with the Daleks. The Doctor, newly healed, bounced around, “We’ll have to go out. Because if we don’t, they’ll get in.”

“You told me nothing could get through those doors,” Rose said, suddenly frightened.

Jack interjected, “You’ve got extrapolator shielding.”

“Last time we fought the Daleks, they were scavengers and hybrids, and mad,” the Doctor said, “But this is a fully-fledged Dalek Empire, at the height of its power. Experts at fighting TARDIS’, they can do anything.”

“And we’ve got to get out of here,” Donna said, “Or else the Doctor is going to go mad himself.”

Rose looked confused, “Mad? Why would you go mad?”

“He’s got to get to his precious (Y/N),” Donna yawned, “Or the universe is going to implode or something.”

Jack snickered, “I think it was just his universe in question.”

“I’m sorry, who’s (Y/N)?” Rose asked, quite beside herself, “Another companion of yours?”

The Doctor kept a frown on his face, patting down the TARDIS door and thinking of a solution. Donna took the liberty to explain, “She’s his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?”

Jack nudged Donna, “I’ve been betting he won’t last another day without seeing her.”

“Don’t be daft – he hasn’t shut up about her since we blew up Pompeii! I wouldn’t be surprised if he left us here and went after her.”

“Since when do you have a girlfriend?” Rose questioned again.

Jack continued, “I think he’s scared he won’t be able to walk away again, and that’s why he hasn’t seen her yet.”

“Mind you she’s just as taken with him,” Donna rolled her eyes, “Went over for tea and she only wanted to hear about him!”

“You went over for tea?” Jack looked offended, “I was told there were no visitors cause she was quarantined.”

“Yeah, well,” Donna poked his arm teasingly, “He’d tell that to you, wouldn’t he? Doesn’t want you stealing his girl.”

Jack scoffed, “Doc, you don’t honestly think I would do…”

“Shut it!” the Doctor yelled over his shoulder, “Stop discussing my love life.”

“Love life?” Rose whispered, looking stricken.

Donna leaned into Jack, “Someone’s on edge.”

“How much you wanna bet he’s gone ring shopping?”

“Oh, please, they haven’t been going out that long.” Donna suddenly looked serious, “Do you really think he’s considered it?”

“Only other Time Lord in the universe,” Jack shrugged, “I’d want to get her off the market quick.”

Rose approached the Doctor, “She’s a Time Lord?”

The Doctor slowly sunk his shoulders and reluctantly turned to look at her. The last human he had tried to fall for. The despair in her eyes was heart wrenching. But he could not deny that he’d moved on.

“I found her,” he said. “She’s the one.”

“The one!” Donna whisper shouted behind them, “There’s definitely a ring.”

“Definitely a ring,” Jack agreed.

Rose took a shaky breath. “Oh. I’m – I’m glad.”

“Rose…”

“Do you love her?”

The Doctor looked down at Rose for a long while before melting at the thought of (Y/N). He let his eyes burn and smolder, a comforting heat forming in his chest, “Yes. I love her more than anything.”

The reply made Rose nod solemnly, and Donna and Jack sighed mockingly.

“I love a good love story,” Donna teased.

Jack smiled brilliantly, “Who’s gonna be best man?” He held up his hands and gestured to himself, “Just saying… my calendar is wide open. As long as we can get past these Daleks.”

“Daleks, right!” the Doctor said, “Right now, that wooden door is just wood to them. We’ve got to make a decision quick.”

“Wait, Doctor,” Rose called out, tugging on his sleeve. “Have you told her? That you love her?”

“She knows.”

Rose shook her head, “No, but have you told her? She could know it, but hearing it is completely different.”

The Doctor peered at her for a few quiet seconds. He understood where she was coming from, what moment she was referring to. And she wasn’t wrong.

But at the moment, and for a couple weeks after that, the Doctor struggled with going back. He simply kept getting sidetracked, and after the business with Donna – it was difficult pulling himself out of his guilt and regret.

He met a Doctor with a hot air balloon. He got stuck on a bus crashed into the sand. He fought water monsters on mars.

He let himself go too far. He made mistakes.

And he knew he needed (Y/N). He needed her badly. But when rumor hit that The Master was being awakened. What was he to do? He couldn’t let that be on the backburner.

(Y/N) wouldn’t have wanted him to. But it still made his eyes sting to think of another day without seeing her.

~~~

She stirred her teacup, head wandering as she sang a tune that sounded an awful lot like Ood song. She had put the last of her tonic in the drink, taking small sips of it and barely feeling the effect on her.

Her skin was turning ashen grey like it had before the days of the tonic. Bruises appeared beneath her eyes and her joints ached with misuse.

She sat on the couch, a blanket keeping her warm. And thoughts of the Doctor swam into her head. Her favorite pastime.

Her brown eyed beauty.

She wasn’t sure when the last time he saw her was – Donna had visited forever ago. And Jack snuck round to tell her about the twenty-seven missing planets. She ate it all up, every ounce of Doctor stories she could get.

She could still feel him sitting beside her, staring at her with those burning eyes. Sometimes she worried she would forget what he looked like, what he sounded like, after a while. So she closed her eyes and envisioned his crazed hair that tickled her cheeks, the adorable pout of his lips whenever he stared off into space, his laugh lines that show just how much he smiled.

His striped suit with that brown coat and those converse sneakers. His blue tinted sonic screwdriver. His French words and “oh, my head!” She thought of his innumerable exclamations of brilliance – his “HA!” It made her smile to remember the way he said “hello!” He always said it with such an enthusiastic voice.

That’s when someone knocked on the door.

(Y/N) opened her tired eyes and managed to swallow the rest of her tea. It took effort to get off the couch, the loss of the blanket making her shiver. But she went for the door, opening it gingerly, and nearly fell over in shock.

There he was, standing there as if her imaginings of him called him over. She squealed, getting an instant head rush, but she jumped into his arms regardless. Wrapping her frailer arms around his neck, she kissed where she could reach: his cheek, his collar.

She felt him lift her slightly, moving them into the house and shutting the door. In the living room he properly hugged her back. Properly as in – hugging her for dear life.

The air left her lungs by how tightly he squeezed her, but she didn’t complain. His face buried itself into her neck and she took gulping breaths to take in his intoxicating presence.

“I missed you,” she whispered, eyes immediately tearing up, “I missed you so much.” She put a hand to the back of his head, holding him to her, “You were right. It’s terribly boring being stuck here. And I’m not sure how much… Doctor?”

That was the first time she noticed him shivering. His whole body was positively shaking. The tips of his fingers dug into her sides where he wrapped himself. It took a second longer to register that something wet was pressed against her neck.

“Doctor? What is it?” She cradled him further into her arms and heard him sniff, finally caught on to what he was whispering from the moment he started hugging her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Doctor?” she tried again, attempting to pull away to no avail. He only clung onto her tighter. “Doctor, I need you to look at me. You’re scaring me.”

He heaved a great sigh and eventually pulled back, still holding her in his arms. Her hearts cracked at the sight of him.

He had been crying, eyes red rimmed and shining. He looked exhausted, more tired than she had ever seen him. It was a similar look to when he realized she was a Time Lord, only this time he wasn’t smiling.

“What is it?” she asked again, using her hands to wipe his tears, only to have him nuzzle into her palm. He used a hand to keep hers to his cheek.

“I – I just missed you.”

She felt her chest concave. The Doctor, her Doctor, was hurting – and he wasn’t telling her why.

“What happened?” she said, “Did something happen on one of your adventures? Jack told me about Donna.”

He shook his head, taking her hand from his face and holding it close to his heart, “I’ve just been so excited to see you. I’ve – I’ve really needed to see you. I’ve really needed you, (Y/N).” His shoulders started shaking again, “I’ve made some mistakes.”

(Y/N) hushed him, wiping his tears again, straightening his tie just for something to do. “It’s all right. You’re here now, we’re together. And everything’s going to be all right.”

But the way he looked at her now. There was no smoldering – just anguish. He didn’t believe everything was going to be all right.

“I’ve got the last of your tonic,” he reached into his pocket and offered her the bottle, “You’re going to have to make that one last too.”

(Y/N) took the bottle, moving to put it on the countertop, “So no cure yet?”

He blew out his lips in a sigh, “No cure yet. I’m serious about making that tonic last – I’m not sure when the next time I’ll see you will be.”

She turned to look at his ruined figure. He was starting to look sicker than herself.

“Doctor, what is it you’re not telling me?”

He sniffed, staring at the floor where he could concentrate, “I’ve got to do something, just some errands. I’ve been checking up on everyone – Donna’s gotten married. And Martha and Mickey.”

“That’s wonderful,” she whispered, skeptical.

“And – the thing is… I might be a bit late.” He snuck a glance at her, and it was a big mistake. He felt himself falling apart all over again, “And I want to make sure while I still have these feelings, that I tell you…”

“Why would your feelings…”

“I love you.”

She paused, her own watery eyes overflowing.

“I love you.” He sighed in relief, getting that off his chest. “And I don’t want that to change. I don’t want to change.”

(Y/N) stared at him bewildered before walking to him and taking his face into her hands, “I love you too.” He took a shaky breath, closing his eyes and nodding, “So you can tell me. What’s going on? Why are you talking about change and things?”

He clenched his jaw, “Something I’ve got to do. And I wanted to look at you with these eyes one more time.”

“One more time?”

He tried to smile, “Before I get you cured.”

She shook her head, “You’re not making any sense, Doctor.”

“I know.” And he leaned over and gave her the sweetest, gentlest kiss, “I don’t want to go.” He bit his lip, but backed away, “I don’t want to go.”

(Y/N) watched him walk further away, “Then don’t.”

He winced in pain, and she made to run for him. But he held up a hand, “No, it’s all right. I’ve got to. And then I’ll be back. I promised to cure you, didn’t I?”

She swallowed hard, wringing her hands that itched to hold him again.

“Let’s just hope I remember.” And when he forced himself out the door and muttered, “I love you.” It sounded so much like a goodbye.

And (Y/N) sat on the couch and cried. She cried and waited for him. She prayed that he was okay and that whatever was hurting him would be resolved.

Days passed, then weeks passed, and then she couldn’t even remember how long it’d been. The tonic was long gone. And it was a regular occurrence to have blood seeping from her nose or bubbling in the back of her throat. She would sit with a napkin to her mouth as she tried to decipher the Doctor’s last parting, cryptic words.

She ached for him, yearned for him. But she quickly realized that the Doctor was important to the rest of the universe, not just hers. So she spent most of her time writing down the memories she’d made with him and reconciling within herself that he was doing the right thing.

Perhaps she should be upset with the Doctor, that he’d gotten sidetracked with doomed planets and desperate people. But that was one of the things she loved about him:

He couldn’t say no to someone asking for help.

The Doctor. Her Doctor.

How could she describe him now? The Doctor was fire. He was starlight. He was all that was good in the world. And all that was bad in it. He was full of rage and passion and curiosity. He was brilliant and kind.

He was wonderful.

The Doctor was the most wonderful man in the universe. And the terrible thing was that he probably will never fully believe it.

And as (Y/N) coughed and spluttered against her journal, deciding to rest on the floor facing the front door, she smiled.

She couldn’t help it when she thought of him.

She wrote about her classroom, about the noisy box, about the janitorial closet. She wrote about the stolen scrubs, the peppermint scans, and the moment he held her cheek as she woke up.

“Doctor, Doctor, Doctor…” she mumbled, her mind going. The pen went slack in her hand and blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.

But she continued to smile.

“Here I am doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing: dying.”

And she waited. She waited for her Doctor to come.

She waited. Feeling colder.

And she waited.

And waited.

~~~

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✨ Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by my fav @loulovehome thank you pu hope that this quells your curiosity! 

MUSIC

fav genre? not to be that person but i think i have a toe in most genres, i suppose my favorites have got to be anything taylor swift does, pop punk, r&b pop/new age r&b, and bluegrass

fav artist? again, not to be that person but i love so many artists! let’s do this based off of genre: taylor swift, 1D, 5sos, massive focus on ZAYN, the Avett brothers, and counting crows

fav song? fav song of all time (since i was young) is going to be come around by rhett miller but more currently i’d say you are in love by taylor swift and dRuNk by ZAYN

song currently stuck in your head? i have no idea how it got there but i have stressed out by 21 pilots stuck in my head??

5 fav lyrics? ok let’s do this kids. edit: this went in a “fav love song lyrics” way so sorry in advance.

1)  I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say / There is darkness all around us / I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me / And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin' (January Wedding - The Avett Brothers)

2)  Hands around my waist / You're counting up the hills across the sheets / And I'm a falling star / A glimmer lighting up these cotton streets / I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules / But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you (Disconnected - 5sos)

3)  This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age of something good / And right and real (State of Grace - Taylor Swift) 

4)  What if I changed my mind / What if I said it's over / I been flying so long / Can't remember what it was like to be sober / What if I lost my lives? / What if I said "Game over"? / What if I forget my lies? / And I lose all my composure (Back to Life - ZAYN)

5)   I never said I was perfect / Or you don't deserve a good person to carry your baggage / I know a few girls that can handle it / I ain't that kind of chick, but I can call 'em for you if you want / I never said that you wasn't attractive / Your style and that beard, ooh, don't get me distracted / I'm tryna be patient, and patience takes practice / The fact is I'm leaving, so just let me have this (Jerome - Lizzo)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? murder mystery and young love!

fav writer? jane austen, lisa jewell, and rick riordan (nostalgia ok?!)

fav book? the way i used to be my amber smith, rebecca by daphane du maurier, and then she was gone OR watching you (both by Lisa Jewell)

fav book series? i guess the whole percy jackson situations? i have everything RR every wrote, and i liked it all but i havent touched the older ones in ages

comfort book? not one specifically but the nancy drew books

perfect book to read on a rainy day? bird summons by leila aboulela

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? i hope i can name five...

1)  “The point is, life has to be endured, and lived. But how to live it is the problem.” “I am no traveller, you are my world.” (both are My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier)

2)  “And I’m terrified he’ll see through the tough iceberg layer, and he’ll discover not a soft, sweet girl, but an ugly fucking disaster underneath.” (The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith)

3)  "I cannot make speeches, Emma," he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice.” (Emma by Jane Austen) (sorry for the length, the shortened versions were not cutting it for me)

4)  “Read, read, read. That's all I can say.” (The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene)

5)  “...amazing how boring you can get away with being when you’re pretty. No one seems to notice. When you’re pretty everyone just assumes you must have a great life. People are so short-sighted, sometimes. People are so stupid. I have a dark past and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes.” (Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary (im a very judgmental reader) | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? i like dramedies, mockumentaries, and procedurals 

fav movie? ive got a massive list on my phone but ill pick Doob (No Bed of Roses) and 3-Iron as my favs for today

comfort movie? 2000s romcoms, im talking clueless, 13 going on 30, how to loe a guy in ten days, ten things i hate abt you, legally blonde

movie you watch every year? mamma mia and all listed in prev question

fav tv show? too many, currently im rewatching arrested development

comfort tv show? new girl

most rewatched tv show? new girl

ultimate otp? shawn and jules from psych (ultimate bc ive been watching since diapers literally)

5 fav characters? winston bishop, stiles stilinski, bellamy blake, clarke griffin, lydia martin

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

super fun even though it took me an hour lmao, I'm tagging @technosoot @hometothecanyonmoon @sassylilnoodle @sushiniall @rosegold-thorns no pressure and sorry if youve already been tagged!

edit: i somehow managed to forget what i consider to be one of the greatest opening verses ever???? so bonus lyrics:

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog / Where no one notices the contrast of white on white / And in between the moon and you / The angels get a better view / Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right (Round Here - Counting Crows)

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hello! I just found your yt channel (it's amazing) and watched your video on writing diversely. What an awesome video, I learnt and took away a lot from you and your thoughts, especially as a white writer. I am still however a little conflicted on one thing. Not just writing the characters as another race or gender or identity of any kind from the writer, but the actual main character. Would it automatically be offensive and destined for failure for a white author to write a black main protag?

Hi there! I’m happy you found the video helpful, thank you for watching! This is a link to the video if anyone reading this has not watched it.

To be honest, I think I explained this as concisely and accurately as I could in the video as it’s truly the thesis of the video itself. I don’t want to fully reiterate what I said in the video because I feel like I won’t be as accurate/coherent, so I urge you to rewatch the video and take care to look at the timestamps as that may clarify your particular question, first and foremost! Taking a look at some of the comments too might also be helpful.

Stay in your lane as a detrimental, albeit well-intentioned, mantra

As I say in the video, it’s not as easy as saying “white people can’t write XYZ main character” or “we can write whatever we want”, nor is it as easy as and saying “stay in your line” , which may inadvertently enforce the majority as publishing is majorly white (stats are in the video). I believe I did address main characters too in that video, but whatever I said about characters in general 100% applies to POV/main characters as I was rebutting the well-intentioned, but perhaps detrimental idea that it’s only appropriate for a marginalized POV character to be written by someone marginalized in the same way (IMO, long-term, this will cause an influx of white POV stories which is the opposite of the intention [people say “stay in your lane” will allow marginalized folks to represent themselves rather than have white people represent us] as the publishing industry a) is mostly white and b) only seems to care to actively publish white people. “Stay in your lane” may also inadvertently define the role a marginalized person should play in the writing industry [responsible for writing stories about their marginalization]).

Writing POC main characters = automatically offensive/destined to fail?

If you’re viewing or questioning if writing a POC MC is “automatically offensive” or “destined for failure” I really urge you to rewatch the video because this is covered quite extensively but particularly take a look at the “trade fear for empathy” section as this question in itself is laden in a black and white binary of right versus wrong. If you’re asking this question, it might be that you are lacking the empathy to understand what I’m saying in the video (which is okay! there are many others who I’ve further discussed with in the comments). Writing POC isn’t something that’s destined to fail just because you’re a white author IF you do your research, be respectful, write empathetically and craft well-rounded, complex people. If you’re thinking you might automatically fail in this department because you are a white person, I did mention in the video that you may not be ready to write diverse characters in the respectful, robust ways necessary because you may be viewing POC as a “pass or fail” system which is obviously not what we are. If you want to write a diverse POV character and you do your research, write empathetically, speak to those people from that community (with their consent) and be willing to adjust your representation with that feedback without getting defensive, I don’t see how this would be automatically offensive or destined for failure, just like anything else that requires research.

Disproportionate amounts of white versus POC writers being published

In terms of publication failure, white people are actually the ones being majorly represented to write marginalized stories (when they don’t share that marginalization), so you probably wouldn’t have a problem getting a POC-lead story published (not saying I think this is right) because publishers treat diversity as a quota/marketing tactic and IMO, don’t seem to actually care about representation on a structural level, but rather on a topical, superficial level (which is why my main point in that video is that publishers, not individual writers, need to be held accountable).

White writers accidentally “dehumanize” POC in a misguided attempt at being empathetic

I think some white people, (and I don’t exactly want to use this word because it is quite severe but illustrates what I mean) may accidentally “dehumanize” people of colour in worrying that whatever move they’re going to make is automatically going to offend us, when in reality, if you take the time, and put in the effort to research and get to know people of colour (from my comments, these worries often stem from white people who don’t know many people of colour IRL), you will see that yes, we are different from you and difference is good, but no, this difference does not make us an untouchable, unknowable species. I don’t mean to make this seem like an “I don’t see colour” or “the only race is the human race” argument, which would be harmful, but rather a reminder that people of colour are also human beings and as you would write a white character with empathy, integrity, and vigour, you should also do the same when writing characters of colour (I address this in more detail in the video).

Doing personal research in times of confusion

I understand that as a white person, thinking about and understanding these issues may not be particularly easy, and even after a nearly hour long video of me expressing these thoughts, I genuinely do understand why someone who is not affected by these issues daily may still struggle with grasping these concepts. That’s because anti-racism is not something you can accomplish by watching one video, or reading a few articles--it’s a lifelong commitment, and so that’s when you would take your privilege as a white person to do more digging before you ask questions to those who have to expel emotional labour to answer them for you (not saying I have any problem answering your question at all, but putting this out there because there are many well meaning white people who I’ve encountered in my comments that do ask me or other BIPOC questions before turning to other resources that wouldn’t require free labour). Take some time to ruminate with this info, and then do some digging of your own. If you haven’t checked out these, these are my favourite anti-racism resources, all of which are free to access (noted otherwise):

Jane Coaston - The Intersectionality wars

A pretty comprehensive place to start with Kimberle Crenshaw’s theory of Intersectionality

Peggy McIntosh - White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

Wonderful place to start in understanding white privilege for those who don’t understand the differences/nuances between race VS class VS gender privilege etc

Article that explores white privilege beyond McIntosh’s ideas

It’s really important that white people also learn the systemic ways in which they benefit from white privilege and not just the “bandaids are made in my skintone” examples (though those examples are often used first because they’re the easiest to understand for a white person who is affected by other intersections, i.e. class, sexuality, gender, who does not feel they are privileged in other ways i.e. race).

Documentary on white privilege (Jane Elliott’s Brown Eyes VS Blue Eyes experiment)

Angela Davis - How Does Change Happen?

bell hooks - Ending Domination: The Struggle Continues

Abena Busia - In Search of Chains Without Iron: On Sisterhood, History, and the Politics of Location

I was able to access this reading through my university but IMO it is a must-read, especially for non-POC who may not fully understand the privilege of whiteness.

Claire Heuchan - Your Silence Will Not Protect You: Racism in the Feminist Movement 

**Absolute must-read: “The theory did not emerge in order to aid white women in their search for cookies – it was developed predominantly by Black feminists with a view to giving women of colour voice (Heuchan).”

Tamela J. Gordon - Why I’m giving up on intersectional feminism 

Powerful perspective on Intersectionality and how it’s been used in white feminism

Jennifer L. Pozner - How to Talk About Racism, Sexism and Bigotry With Your Friends and Family

Really good place to start if you have loved ones in need of education.

Maria Lugones - Playfulness, “World”-Travelling, and Loving Perception

This is the absolute crux of my points in writing empathetically.

"The paper describes the experience of 'outsiders' to the mainstream of, for example, White/Anglo organization of life in the U.S. and stresses a particular feature of the outsider's existence: the outsider has necessarily acquired flexibility in shifting from the mainstream construction of life where she is constructed as an outsider to other constructions of life where she is more or less 'at home.' This flexibility is necessary for the outsider but it can also be willfully exercised by the outsider or by those who are at ease in the mainstream. I recommend this willful exercise which I call "world"-travelling and I also recommend that the willful exercise be animated by an attitude that I describe as playful" (Lugones 3). 

^^^ For writers struggling with the prospect of diversity and trying to find a place to start in what I call in my video "letting go of fear and voraciously welcoming empathy" I highly recommend this article as it is a powerful account of travelling across each other's "worlds". Read it for free with a free JStor account or through your institution, like your public library.

How to BLACK: An Analysis of Black Cartoon Characters

A FANTASTIC video that is an absolute must-watch (covers writing empathetically, writing with care)

If you have not already, read through the sources I used to formulate and argue my thesis in my video (much more detailed than I could do in an hour!):

Corinne Duyvis (ownvoices creator) on # ownvoices

CCBC - "Publishing Statistics on Children's/YA Books about People of Color and First/Native Nations and by People of Color and First/Native Nations Authors and Illustrators"

Hannah Heath - "5 Problems Within the Own Voices Campaign (And How to Fix Them)"

Saadia Faruqi - "The Struggle Between Diversity and Own Voices"

Kat Rosenfield (Refinery29) - "What is # ownvoices doing to our books?"

Lee and Low - "Diversity Baseline Survey 2019 Results"

Vulture - "Who Gave You the Right To Tell That Story"

School Library Journal - "An Updated Look at Diversity in Children's Books"

TL;DR: if you’re more overcome with the fear of offending people (often grounded in white fragility) instead of making the active, albeit sometimes uncomfortable, decision to do the hard work necessary to empathetically represent someone outside of your marginalization in fiction, I don’t think you’re ready to write POC in the nuanced, complex, empathetic ways necessary for good representation, and I would encourage you do more independent anti-racist work. (Note that “you” is not individualistically aimed at the asker!!)

Questions like this don’t necessarily have a clear-cut answer, and that is essentially the point of my video (I know, not super helpful, but I hope that makes sense!).

Hope this helps!

--Rachel

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Battle for the Planet and Cameos

You know, I keep trying to be minimal with the amount of images I put in these posts, but I think it’s kind of a losing battle…especially when it comes to episodes animated by TMS like the second one coming later on today. I can’t help it, some of the expressions and poses are just too good to not be shared.

In any case, let’s begin with one very small cameo appearance in “Space Probed”:

Our little duo have apparently found themselves abducted by aliens, only to be kept in lab conditions much like the one on Earth at ACME Labs. This is one of those times where I wish I could know the production order of these episodes and not just the air date order… Why? Well, because this small cameo could potentially line up really well with an upcoming episode. Just keep that in mind for now.

With that out of the way, we move on to our next full skit:

And we begin with the Brain expositing to Pinky about how he came up with the plan for this episode.

“Halloween, Pinky: 1938. Mercury Radio Theatre presented an adaptation of H. G. Wells’ ‘War of the Worlds’ that was so realistic, people actually fled the cities believing that creatures from Mars were attacking the Earth. It proved that radio was a powerful tool…and now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?”

Before we move on, how many of you reading this have heard about this? And how many of you know that this is actually an incident that happened in real life? Yes, people actually fled their homes after hearing this broadcast. Not a lot of people, of course. Not by a long shot. Most just made panicked phone calls to their local police station or to the radio station itself to find out what was really going on. The incident also wasn’t nationwide or anything like that, it was quite local. If anything, the radio play caused much more outrage after the fact than initial panic.

Another amusing anecdote is that Orson Welles was the man who directed, narrated, and played a main character in the broadcast. For those of you who may not be in the know, although Brain was initially based on animator and writer Tom Minton at Warner Brothers, Brain’s voice actor Maurice LaMarche based his voice on Orson Welles. Or, well, as Mr. LaMarche puts it: “The Brain is 70 percent Welles, 20 percent Vincent Price, and I don't know, there's another 10 percent of something else in there. I don't know what. Some people think it's Peter Lorre. I don't know what it is.”.

Strong references aside, I’m betting most of you can see the massive holes in the Brain’s plan already. Hoo boy…

“Umm… The rubber band?”

“The workings of your mind are a mystery to me, Pinky.”

“Ooo! I love a good mystery, Brain!”

You know, this little sequence with Brain nonchalantly stretching the rubber band while walking away from Pinky and Pinky determinedly holding on until Brain lets go off camera and sends Pinky flying is… Well, I don’t know what it is about it, but it’s kind of cute in a weird slapstick way? Like, it’s hard to tell if Brain did that on purpose to send Pinky flying for not understanding his plan…or if he actually wanted Pinky to follow him and tried to lead him to where he was walking but Pinky thought it was some kind of tug-o-war game and Brain got exasperated and let go of the rubber band.

Either way, Pinky doesn’t seem to mind.

“Television, Pinky, is our new tool!”

“We will pirate the airwaves and stage a hoax like ‘War of the Worlds’!”

Brain, you’re very good with that lasso. I’m impressed!

“Three cameras, Brain?”

“Yes… A technique pioneered by the great Desi Arnaz. And with them we will scare the people of the cities, leaving no resistance behind. We will have taken over the world!”

Well, Brain, that technique first being used by Desi Arnaz is a myth (it was more than likely actually pioneered by Jerry Fairbanks around 1947), but I’m going to give you a pass on this because you likely couldn’t fact check this very well at the time.

I do have to give Brain credit for being as dramatic as possible while announcing his plan, though. He really does know how to put on a show.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant!”

And Pinky is, as usual, full of praise and extremely excited about the plan. Look at him clapping and hopping around, aww… I’m starting to think that half the reason Brain goes through with these long, expository explanations of his plans to Pinky despite Pinky not quite following along a lot of the time is just to impress Pinky. Brain needs reassurance and Pinky always provides.

“Oh! Oh, wait, no, no…”

“Why would they be scared of us? We’re so small and we’re practically the size of mice, Brain.”

“We are mice, Pinky.”

“Oh, right! Well, there you are, then. Eh heh heh…”

…Okay, so, Pinky also tends to deflate the praise a bit when pointing out potential flaws in the plan like this, but it’s the initial thought that counts.

Yeah, I know, Brain. I know. But Pinky really is trying to be helpful.

“It’s not a question of size, Pinky. It’s a question of scale! Watch the monitor.”

“*gasp* Zounds, Brain! You’re gigantic!”

“Television, Pinky: The Great Deceptor!”

“Narf~…”

No, you aren’t seeing things. Pinky just…just stands there in front of the TV looking at live footage of a close-up of Brain and sighs in awe and affection while clasping his little hands together. I don’t even think I need to make a “Fellas, is it gay to--?” joke here. All that’s missing is little hearts appearing around his head.

We cut to a little while later, where the duo has everything set up for their broadcast. It looks like Pinky must have done the lettering for their props, since it actually looks decent and nothing like Brain’s scrawlings. Yes, I’m going to continue roasting Brain’s terrible penmanship. It amuses me.

“How is my disguise, Pinky?”

“OH! Is that you, Brain?!?”

“You flatter me, Pinky. Now, throw the switch and let us begin…the Battle for the Planet!”

Title drop! Also, aww. To be fair, Brain, I’m not sure Pinky was intending to be flattering so much as he was actually unsure if that really was you or not. But the fact that you took it as flattery is very telling, I think.

Pinky throws the switch, and the plan is officially underway!

According to the Animaniacs wiki, these people bear a striking resemblance to Elmyra’s family. If that’s what was intended, this is quite the early omen for the horrible “Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain” spin-off that was made after the regular PatB spin-off. I don’t think I’m going to fully cover that show in the far future. It’s not the fun kind of terrible…it’s just terrible.

Oh hey, they were watching Family Matters! Too bad this is many, many years before they could bear witness to Dark Urkle Tribute.

And there’s Ralph, enjoying coffee and a doughnut.

And…some TV station broadcast folks. It kinda bothers me that these two basically have the same model except for different hair colours.

“We interrupt your regular broadcast to bring you this important news bulletin…”

“What is that?!”

“Someone’s pirated the TV lines!”

“Scientists have just reported that a large, unidentified flying object seems to be heading towards Earth. There is no cause for alarm…”

“…But there probably will be.”

Subtle, Brain.

Oh, hi, Warners! You certainly picked a good time to escape tonight.

“We take you now to our satellite view of the planet, perhaps to catch a glimpse of this fearful courier of the unknown.”

Cue Pinky making ridiculous “shoosh” and “shoom” and “weee!~” noises. Very convincing.

“I’ve just received word that the UFO is about to crash land nearby. There should be a great explosion!”

“I said, THERE SHOULD BE A GREAT EXPLOSION!”

“Hmm? Oh! OH, right, Brain! Narf!”

Nice blep, pinky.

Somehow, people watching the broadcast are still terrified. I’ve gotta admit that I didn’t expect this plan to go this well for this long.

…Okay, maybe I spoke too soon.

“Sorry, Brain…”

“…We’ll go live to the crash site momentarily.”

He says before near-instantly cutting to the “crash site”, still in the same disguise. Brain, honey, I know you’re probably trying to reduce broadcast downtime so that the audience doesn’t start to question what they’re seeing, but you do know that quick cuts like this ruin the illusion of this being a live broadcast…right?

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he doesn’t know that. As usual, Brain has tunnel vision and expects his plans to go one certain way, and any details that don’t fit his internal narrative are discarded or not even thought about.

Just let me slide on in…

“I’m reporting to you live from the crash site and I…I’m at a loss for words. Can we get a shot of this very frightening scene?”

He’s right. That’s the most frightening…ly obvious cardboard spaceship I have ever seen.

But okay, I love these tiny prop improvisations they had to do. The bare cardboard wings taped to some kind of spray can for the body of the ship, a stray water cooler cup for the cone, test tubes for the thrusters, random little sewing pins for some kind of antenna, a dirty beige blanket to simulate soil for the crash zone… It’s so hastily cobbled together yet so goddamn cute.

Ralph still seems convinced that this is real, though that isn’t saying much.

“I am now positioned close to the…well, I can only assume that this is a vehicle from outer space, its occupants here to destroy the Earth.”

“Oooo!~ OoooOOOooo!~”

“Wait! There is a strange noise emanating from inside. Something seems to be coming out of the ship!”

They made a glove into an alien space suit with a tiny peephole to accommodate Pinky’s face and they fashioned a little belt from something for it, aaaaa! This is so adorable! Look at Pinky trying to be scary! He’s just all >:B throughout this entire scene.

BUG FOGGER

WARNING

CONTENTS UNDE

EXTREME PRESS

GAS

I’m wondering why they couldn’t label it as “bug spray”. I’ve honestly never heard of it being called “bug fogger”. Is that an American thing? (Also: Tiny sandbag wall!)

“Oh my! It’s hideous! Ladies and gentlemen, I can hardly describe this terrifying creature before me, except to say: Run for your lives! Go on! Empty the cities! Leave everything behind!”

“I…I don’t know how long I can stay on the air. I’ll try to get to our aerial view in chopper five!”

Okay, it seems even Elmyra’s family and the broadcast folks are still under the impression that this is actually happening. And Brain instantly cuts again to the aerial view. Brain, I think you’ve been watching too many movies.

“Chopper five, high above the city. The horrible creatures from Mars…invading…destroying everything in their path! Oh, the humanity!”

Since this is a still image the impact is lessened but Brain is rapidly beating his fist against his side to simulate the sound of helicopter blades and it’s actually pretty effective. Well done, lil guy, I never would’ve thought to do something like that. Your foley work is great!

The milk carton buildings still have straws in them to make chimneys! There’s little Chinese takeout boxes as buildings, too! I’m so charmed by all these quaint ways they’ve made their props.

Also, the Pinky-alien has apparently grown to kaiju size now, somehow. Brain, you’ve got to make your hoax at least a little consistent!

“This is no hoax, ladies and gentlemen. I urge you to run for your lives while you can! We’re not making this up just so we can take over the world!”

Goddamnit, Brain. You are the worst liar in the history of forever.

“Oh no! It’s heading this way! Run for your lives! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

I just thought these cowering poses Brain did were funny and cute. He is so small and vulnerable…

So Pinky starts to menace the camera itself and—

—Oops. This isn’t going to go well.

Poor, poor Pinky.

“We did it, Pinky. Brilliant performance!”

Holy shit, sincere praise from Brain! I’m sure Pinky will treasure it.

“Undoubtedly, the population has fled in fear from their ‘terrifying enemy’, HA!”

Umm. About that, Brain…

“Let us make haste…to The White House!”

Brain, you may want to at least wait a little while so that people can actually—

Ouch.

WOW, who needs Twitter in this universe when the press is this fast?

“’Battle for the Planet is a comedy smash… World laughs together. Stay home for this one!’”

“Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Well, I think so, Brain…but if we didn’t have ears, we’d look like weasels.”

“[sighs] No, Pinky… Our hoax…no one went anywhere! No one fled the cities! They found us…humorous.”

If it helps any, boys, I also found you incredibly adorable.

“Where are you going, Brain?”

“Back to our cage, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night.”

“Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

I like how Pinky is at first concerned about Brain’s mood and then we he sees that Brain is just walking home to plan for tomorrow night he’s bouncing on his tip-toes after him.

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!”

TO BE CONTINUED because apparently Tumblr finds this post too long otherwise,

[dokidokivisual]

Gochiusa BLOOM episode 6 impressions

Previously: 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

Oh no, we are already halfway through the season! Time sure flies fast, doesn’t it? Anyway, let’s see what the episode 6 had to offer.

The episode opens with the titular “fluffle of rabbits” (which supposedly is an actual term for a group of rabbits in parts of Northern Canada, but honestly that just sounds completely made-up. I mean rabbits don’t even live in Nothern Canada, or are they? but I digress) surrounding Sharo.

Sharo’s costume and her holding a flyer is a direct callback to a scene from season 1 episode 7 “Call me Sister” where Sharo has encountered Wildgeese while distributing fliers for Fleur du Lapin. It’s not really explained in the episode, but this time Sharo is on the job to pass out fliers as well, but is tolerating the rabbits for the sake of Chino.

The fact that rabbits (other than Tippy, Anko and Wildgeese) kind of avoid Chino is also a previously established trait, namely in season 1 episode 6, but it’s not mentioned very often. However it’s interesting to rewatch that part of season 1 episode (06:00 - 06:30 and 08:20 - 09:00), because it establishes a metaphor which is crucial for understanding the current one.

Basically the rabbits rejecting Chino symbolize her lack of sociability (called komyusho  コミュ障 or “communication disorder” in Japanese). While Chino thinks that the fact that the rabbits don’t run away has to do with Sharo being present, it’s actually explained by her personal growth over the last year or so.

In fact the theme for the entire episode can be summarized as “growth”. It’s fitting that rabbits are also a symbol of growth... in numbers at least.

After the OP, the story suddenly switches to Chimame’s middle school as they decide on a natural look for their graduation photo album. It’s another reminder of the passage of time, and the fact that Chimame-tai are about to become high schoolers in a few months. But it’s still October, and at least the manga takes its sweet time to get there.

By the way this pose is similar to Chimame “victory pose” from season 1 episode 5.

Megu decides that her hair type resembles Sharo’s and decides to ask her for advice. It might be hard to notice with their usual hairstyles, but if you look at Clockwork Rabbit Sharo you can see the resemblance. Coincidentally Sharo is getting a haircut right outside her home, so Megu hides behind a fire hydrant. In the manga she hides behind the corner of a building which I guess didn’t make sense given the geometry of the location. Then again, how large is this fire hydrant that Megu can easily hide behind it?

Sharo and Chiya eventually do spot her, and start fighting over who gets to do Megu’s hair. It turns out that they both cut each other’s hair, even though they’re not particularly satisfied with the result. The point of contention seems to be them cutting the bangs in a straight line, which is called pattsun ぱっつん in Japanese. Koi has previously mentioned this concept in volume 3 chapter 2 titled “Pattun Horizon”, which was adapted as part of season 1 episode 10. In that chapter Cocoa has a sleepover with Chiya and Sharo, and gets a matching pattsun to commemorate the occasion.

By the way there is an entire character song about Sharo having her hair cut by Chiya and it’s called  空色サロン (”Sky-colored salon”). It’s a really good song from the recent Blend of Letters album so check it out.

In the end, Megu gets her hair styled by Chiya’s grandma, using the same “thing” (probably a brush) she grooms Anko with. This also includes perming her curls straight. Unfortunately we don’t get to see how it went, and the scene switches to Maya right after. By the way, this manga chapter is called “Megu loses her tornado” (メグ、トルネードを失う).

Meanwhile Maya goes to a hair accessory shop to cover up her ahoge (”idiot hair”). Rize also happens to be there (implying that she might also be preparing for a graduation album photo) and tries to help Maya. She seems to carry some sort of hair conditioner with herself, although Maya’s ahoge is too strong for it. In the end they decide to buy matching hairpins.

Even though Rize holds a yellow hairpin and Maya a purple one, the back of the packaging is identical for both and indicates yellow color (黄). This is probably a mistake. The barcode number 8/08 140 2/14 160 indicates Maya and Rize’s birthday and height respectively (similar to Aoyama’s bounty in episode 3). I wasn’t able to read the QR code but maybe it encodes something as well.

Later when Rize scolds Maya she flicks a finger at her forehead (called dekopin でこピン in Japanese) while calling her DekoMaya (でこマヤ). Rize is basically implying that Maya has a big forehead, however it only got exposed because of the hair decoration she put on.

Finally it’s Chino’s turn. Apparently Chino usually cuts her hair herself. However this time she notices Tippy looking unusually fluffy and it turns out it was Cocoa who trimmed his fur (which is normally also done by Chino). Since angora rabbits were bred for their wool, it grows very fast, so unlike most other rabbit breeds it’s necessary to regularly trim it.

Chino becomes resolved to let Cocoa cut her hair, which makes her quite surprised and happy. Like Sharo and Chiya before, Chino is willing to put her trust in Cocoa, which shows how much their relationship has progressed. Cocoa tries to imitate a hair salon beautician, in particular the phrase “kayui tokoro wa gozaimasen ka?” (”does it itch somewhere?”) seems to be a staple phrase among Japanese hair stylists. This might be how Mocha used to cut her hair back home. Chino comments that Cocoa’s hair has grown longer, however it doesn’t look much longer than in previous episodes when in manga it was obviously longer:

The theme of growing hair corresponding to growth of a person is explored here. Mocha has very long hair, and Cocoa is thinking of growing her hair just as long to overcome her sense of inferiority. However regardless of hair length, we still see Cocoa being as immature as ever. For example she offers to hit her with a pico-pico hammer (pikohan) in case she makes a mistake. This toy is commonly featured in Japanese variety shows, and even in videogames, in fact it was invented in Japan by Masudaya toy company in 1968.

As I mentioned in episode 4 review, in the manga Cocoa only finds out that Chino has decided to go to her school at the end of this chapter. In this scene Cocoa doesn’t know it yet, and Chino when asked about it says she thought about joining Megu and Maya in Sharo’s school. This causes Cocoa to inadvertently cut Chino’s hair wrong. In the anime the dialogue is changed completely, but the end result is still the same. Chino learns that it’s inappropriate to joke around in certain situations, and Cocoa learns that longer hair doesn’t necessarily make you a good oneechan.

In the end Cocoa and Chino cut each other’s hair and Takahiro reassures them they did a good job after all. In the manga this hairstyle was labeled as つるてーん (tsuruten) which I think comes from the expression つん���るてん　tsuntsuruten which is used for clothing which is too short, for example pants being so short that lower legs are exposed. Perhaps it’s implied that they cut their bangs too short and too much of forehead is exposed.

In the end we get to see Chimame-tai’s final form. Megu’s change is the most radical as she did get a straight perm after all.

Now onto part B. It’s based on the same chapter as the opening scene with rabbits and Chino, namely volume 6 chapter 4. In the manga this scene follows directly after, which explains why Sharo is still wearing Fleur uniform there.

The original bread festival happened in season 1 episode 7 and was also advertised via distribution of leaflets. Here’s the original poster for comparison:

Compared to the original poster, Rabbit House is now spelled correctly, and “Welcome come on” is now written in English. Also Tippy is now singing a weird jingle (papan-pan-pan-pan-matsuri) which brings to mind Cocoa’s bread-themed Rabbit House theme song from Sing For You as well as Cocoa’s character song パンパカパンのパンのパーティー which features “welcome come on” and I guess was inspired by Cocoa’s bread festivals.

Soon, Aoyama and Rin turn up, still chasing each other since the previous episode. However the previous episode omitted an important detail about Rin from the manga chapter, which is that she doesn’t really like coffee. In the anime it’s revealed later, but it explains why nobody seems to care about Chino’s “special blend”. In response Chino turns into delinquent mode, with Wildgeese on her head instead of Tippy. 

The way Chino speaks changes too. Normally Chino always speaks in polite register, using desu and -masu verb forms at the end of the sentence. This is one of the defining characteristics of Chino since she’s the only character in the series to do this even in informal situations.

In this scene Chino switches to plain register, ending her sentence with da ze, which is a plain copula da followed by ending particle ze indicating forcefulness. This sentence ending is well known from the catchphrase yare yare da ze of Jotaro Kujo from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

When Wildgeese is replaced with Anko, Chino goes into a stupor. In the end it turns out Chino was playing along, and it was another of her “pranks”. Rize comments that Chino became just like Cocoa, perhaps recalling Cocoa’s breakdown in season 2 episode 10.

The bread festival is about to begin, and Chino still seems to be upset, even though Cocoa praises her (too late). Cocoa herself also seems to be unsure of her bread’s quality (especially compared to her sister).

For some reason, Sharo is in the mood for some coffee and orders Chino’s special blend. This causes everyone else to order it too. Maybe Sharo felt bad for Chino in the earlier scene and took one for the team?

Anyway, Chino’s coffee is very pretty and features a flower made from whipped cream (for which there’s an official tutorial how to make it). I guess this ties into the theme of BLOOM, however in the manga it was also a flower and it was probably written before the season 3 title was decided.

Sharo tastes Chino’s coffee and ends up in “paradise”. You might notice, with the field of flowers and flower wreaths it also fits into the BLOOM theme.

Seeing this reaction, Rin also decides to order coffee. Rize responds with “but you said you don’t like coffee”, but she never says this in anime. Unless it was supposed to be an off-screen conversation? Anyway, Rin also enjoys Chino’s coffee, and the “warmth” she put into it. Chino, who originally had a rather cold personality takes this praise to heart.

It turns out that there were many customers other than the regular characters (which doesn’t happen often in Rabbit House). Lots of children too, who seem to particularly like Chino as has been previously established. Chino shows them how to make latte art, promising to make a “fluffy rabbit” which might be a reference to the rabbit she draws in the ED of this episode.

Cocoa also has a self-reflection moment when she decides she doesn’t have to be like her sister because Chino looks up to Cocoa anyway. Cocoa explains that can’t distinguish Chino’s blends of coffee because they’re all similarly delicious to her. Considering she misidentifies one of Chino’s blends as instant coffee in the first episode there are reasons to doubt this confession. It works on Chino though who can hardly contain her happiness.

Despite all the praise heaped on her, Chino is still not sure if she’s changed. However as she comes out to take down the signboard, a lone rabbit approaches Chino and doesn’t run away.

Under the warm sunset colors, Chino gives a “warm” welcome to the rabbit, referencing the episode’s title (though it was just one rabbit, not a “fluffle” of them) and giving a conclusion to this arc. As I explained in the beginning, the rabbit is a symbol of Chino becoming more approachable over the past few episodes. She is also now seen as a grownup by those who are smaller than her, such as children and, well, rabbits.

So that was a “growth” episode of Gochiusa BLOOM, and the next episode (which is Halloween-themed) promises to be quite important as well.

Oh, and poor Rize’s pasta... Nobody seem to have ordered or even mentioned it. I’m sure it was delicious as well. Can we get a Rize appreciation episode please?

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 3 Thoughts (4kids) Part 1

(This began about half a year ago and I have only picked it back up recently. I haven’t changed anything from the thoughts I had back then. Also this covers the episodes up to 3x13.)

Okay... I have finally reached this point. I’ve been dying to watch season 3 for the last, like, 4 months and I had to put so much willpower into restraining myself so that I could rewatch the whole series properly. And now that I am finally here, I am nearly shaking with excitement because yessssss! It’s finally time for Enchantix and Valtor. I am filled with glorious anticipation (though, also a bit wary since I do not like the resolution of this season’s arc from what I remember) and so ready to dive in. Here we go:

3x01:

- Oh, damn! Summer vacation hasn’t even started yet? Wow, um, okay, I guess. I need to update my timeline a little bit.

- Seriously, there is Bloom and Sky drama and they won’t even tell us what it’s about? You’re just gonna shoehorn more stupidity in this just for the sake of it? Why am I even surprised?

- Damn, Layla absolutely killed those moves! Well, before Kiko fell on her and they all fell to the ground but that’s another thing. That was some next level coordination and acrobatic skills. I can only watch in awe and wish I had even a tenth of that.

- Why did Stella think she wouldn’t have a Princess Ball? I hope she doesn’t think that her parents think she’s a failure as a princess. And aww, poor baby. She’ll be so sad when she learns that her father is getting married to Cassandra instead of getting back with her mother.

- Seriously, what idiot looked at the Trix and went “Ah, yes! Let’s send Icy, the witch of ice, in a dimension of ice. She’ll be all contained there. Absolutely guaranteed. 100%.” Will you people wake the fuck up, wake your brains and start thinking for real ‘cause you’re definitely not doing that now. Also, let me just say that that was a big leap from Lightrock monastery (or whatever the hell it was) to the Omega dimension. I guess going after the ultimate power is much worse than the Army of Decay. That or the writers have no concept of how to make the punishment fit the crime.

- Poor Darcy and Stormy. They don’t seem to be handling the cold very well. Also, something about Stormy’s line that they’re probably talked about at Cloud Tower is really clawing at my mind but I can’t quite put my finger on it yet. It just sounds like... like she’s not really doing that for the power rather than for the attention and recognition which just starts all sorts of thoughts in my head and none of them lead to anything good, They all make me feel bad for the Trix, though.

- I’ve been dreading the whole thing with Chimera but that scene in the pizza place wasn’t so bad. And Winx tried to be friendly. But Tecna’s “Snap” was hilarious. The girl isn’t taking shit from anyone. I like. XD

- I am not really a fan of the dresses they were trying on but I like the idea of a magical thingy that changes the clothes for you instead of you having to do it manually. Can we get those, please? (Chimera’s “Later, losers” really reminded me of Mandy from Totally Spies btw.)

- Stormy and Darcy aren’t quite handling the ice skating. Also, damn, that snake froze Stormy’s magical beam. That is... freaky... and scary. It looks like they’re in a bit of a pickle.

- And here is where the timeline doesn’t make sense. If Marion and Oritel trapped Valtor in Omega before they proceeded to battle the Ancestral Witches, then how does he have a plaque with his name and sentence on it? That doesn’t make sense. Who had time to sentence him? Unless I got something wrong, then this is not legit.

(- Let’s make one thing perfectly clear. I will never refer to Valtor as “Baltor” or to Marion as “Miriam”. It is just not going to happen.)

- “Frozen dude” I can’t. XD That was kinda a good plan the Trix had there, though if Valtor weren’t so powerful, it wouldn’t have worked because the snakes would’ve killed him and then them as well. But hey, they’re in luck because...

- Holy shit, look at those powers! He totally destroyed the snakes before even working out the kinks from his shoulders. I love the blue color of his magic. I think it makes sense. I am so done with the show not addressing how shitty it must be to be trapped and completely still AND frozen for seventeen years. Instead they just threw in a line about it that only made him look more evil and I will be forever mad about this, thanks. (Can I at least hope that the Trix learned a bit from the whole Darkar experience? Probably not but Icy’s line about Valtor not giving them orders is still giving me hope that will only disappoint me later. (Also, Valtor seems very contained here considering all the rage he has later on. At least he starts out looking more normal.))

- Awww, those puppies were really cute! And Stella and Bloom were so quick to the rescue! That was really sweet! (What the hell was up with Chimera’s powers, though?)

- Oh, I loved Icy’s idea with the snake. It was so clever. And Valtor is already at it with the possession of mermaids. A true demon indeed. I love him.

- I actually like Stella’s pink dress more than the red one. Also, I like Musa’s long hair but it is very weird to me after I just saw her with the short hair, like, five minutes ago.

- Yeah, Sky’s there. Great! Moving on. Brandon was really trying to mess up Stella’s hair, huh? XD Oh, and Musa and Riven are still dancing around each other. (I’m so sorry for this.)

- That rescue was cool. And Layla with the little girl. But why didn’t she just fly to the shore and felt the need to surf instead? That has always puzzled me greatly. She is such a responsible princess, though. She immediately went when she was called upon. Precious!

- Okay, but that looks like Valtor is literally sucking out their souls, wtf! This is so cool/freaky and I am so here for it.

- Um, I don’t like the way the Trix are looking at Valtor. I know he’s powerful and everything but can they just not crush on the weird guy they’re teaming up with every time? Their flirting is just so awkward. Also, can we see them teaming up with a woman for once?

- That moment when you take over a fucking planet (well, not quite but he’s going for it) and you’re like “Damn, I hate being so weak. I need to take my power back”. How much more power? What the hell? I mean, of course I love him but they’re making him so overpowered and they will have to tear him apart later in order for Winx to be able to defeat him and just... can you not? Tone it down a little now so that you don’t have to ruin this actual perfection later gdi! Also, why the fuck would we get a normal motive when we can just have “Power!!!! MORE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Give me a good fucking motive dammit! Or at least explain why the fuck he wants that power!

3x02:

- Awww! Can we talk about the fact that Radius is so open and welcoming to Bloom? And he knows how much she means to Stella! That is so adorable, I’m gonna cry now.

- Stella is such a supportive friend! She let Bloom into the hall of the universe (that is the coolest thing ever btw) and she was quick to reassure her that Oritel and Marion are alive. And she should know how this thing works so... I love how “it showed them standing” means “they’re still standing” as in “they’re still alive”. That was cool.

- Ahh, he straight up walks through walls. Creep. XD (seriously, that is the least troubling bit about him tbh)

- Did Chimera know who Stella was back at Magix? That would be weird because why would she do anything that would leave her in a position where she needs to kiss up to Stella?

- Stella woke up at dawn? She’s serious about this thing. And she totally dumped Bloom out of bed. Brandon should watch out in the future. Stella can get you out of bed whether you like it or not.

- Chimera was “finger-painting with food”? Umm... Am I the only one who thinks this sounds weird? And perhaps like Cassandra should’ve paid more attention to her as a child?

- Okay, Valtor is smooth. Of course, he simply wants to make their desires come true. I mean, an obvious lie but at the same time it isn’t because he really did give them power. So... nice move there! Also, I love that Cassandra was smart enough to ask what their end of the deal would be (it’s obvious enough but you never know when some idiot will forget to ask about that) and that she didn’t take Valtor’s hand. It could be read as her being a snob (which is probably at least partially the reason behind it) but it can also be read as her being mindful of him despite their “alliance” and refusing to trust him completely which is a smart move.

- Did Cassandra have magic before Valtor? Her ring seemed to be magical but did she have powers herself? So according to Wiki, “Valtor gave her more potent powers” so I’m assuming that means she had some before that. I was leaning towards that but now I am accepting it as canon.

- Is Valtor’s messing with the second sun what caused the shift in atmosphere and the rain? Damn, very symbolic you guys. It never rains on Solaria but Valtor shows up and boom! It’s raining. Both literally and metaphorically.

- I can’t help but notice how Valtor is only surrounding himself with women. Calm down there with the harem, will you? But on a serious note, I think it does make sense. He most certainly grew up surrounded by women and I would imagine his ego and his quest to be the most powerful wizard kind of get in the way of any male partnership. (Proof a - Griffin, proof b - the Trix. I think you get the idea.)

- Poor Stella. So I get why she’s upset but she’s also being a little selfish here and not taking into account her father’s feelings. I really want to see what happened there, though. If Cassandra didn’t have any good qualities, then why did he decide to marry her? That would make him a complete fool and, let’s be real, he’s not. But it could be that she deceived him. Her facade was holding up well when she was giving Stella the necklace the previous day.

- I can’t with Brandon, though. I see it is time for Sky to be the wingman now, closing Brandon’s jaw and urging him to give Stella the gift. Nice! (Also, poor Flora. Stuck there without Helia XD (But didn’t Tecna say that Helia confirmed he was going in the previous episode? Why isn’t he there?)) Why are Brandon and Sky in their Specialist uniforms, though?

- I really liked the fact that Radius said “My princess and yours.” I think it was cute. And the dance! And his worry for Stella! He is a great father.

- How old is Chimera? Bc she called Stella “big sister”. Damn, long nails, though! And that was some magic!

- Okay, Radius was spelled but what about the guards? “Our princess could never look that hideous”? Oh, so it is just Stella’s looks that matter to you. That’s great to know... Assholes.

- Aaaaand... she fell out the window. (What was that magic Flora sent at Bloom, though? Was it to help her speed so that she can catch Stella?)

3x03:

- The rain is anti magic? Valtor really pulled some shit there.

- “All boys are like that”, really? If you really believe that, then why are you all over Riven, Musa? I get why Stella is worried that Brandon won’t like her like that but Musa’s point is just... no.

- Yeah, let the boys handle it because we’re useless without our powers. Feminism at its finest. And a great message to send to all the little girls watching this show who DON’T have magic. Just fucking splendid!

- Aww, at least the dogs recognized Stella. Dogs are great!

- Stella sneaked out to go to parties? Nice. XD Also, anyone else notice the sparkles? Her outfits were always sparkly. At least the royal ones. Idk why I’m saying this. It just struck me.

- Rocks, then spiders. Amazing! They’re in all the trouble. But Tecna is handling this with some wits and gadgets, and just the tiniest bit of magic that you could literally replace with a knife or something. See? Not useless without magic.

- Aww, Stella saved them from the leeches. (But what was up with that? I don’t think leeches make you unconscious. Unless they were some magical leeches that were draining their magic.)

- Okay, I am not quite sure what is happening with the Trix. They were making digs at Valtor but then they start looking at him like that. It’s obviously just because of the power but still. I’m not a fan. Also, didn’t the Trix learn that they can’t beat Bloom?

- Put an illusion spell on Brandon? Shouldn’t that be a no-no? Like, no spelling the boo?

- Weather spirit? That’s proving to be a real problem.

- Okay, I cannot stress this enough but that last part was sooooo stupid. You have fucking instruments in the ship but why the fuck would you check that and get it back up when you reach the lowest possible point when you can instead go blindly into it and rely on Bloom’s gut? Use the fucking tech gdi! Yeah, now you remember the instruments, after the deed. Instead of doing it while you were performing the maneuver.

3x04:

- Those griffins? Damn! Those things are huge. And those were the little ones. Griffin is named after one hell of a creature. Also, I couldn’t help but notice the parallel there between the mother griffin trying to protect its chicks and Griffin trying to protect her students and getting extremely mad when the Trix attacked them. She totally is a mama bear.

- Poor Stella, feeling useless. Okay, but if Brandon thinks she still looks like she did before, then what does he think the spell did to her? Why does he think she can’t turn into a fairy? Also, didn’t he see what she turned into back at the ball? None of this makes sense.

- And Brandon is ready to jump off the ship for Stella. She definitely doesn’t need the spell because this guy is so in love.

- I’m not a fan of the “girls only” thing. Come on, guys! Brandon is clearly here to stay.

- Look at Brandon being all supportive boyfriend (and understanding, too, since he isn’t mad about getting spelled). And the others’ words... I’m tearing up. Oh, and poor Stella who thought everyone only liked her because she was pretty. (And judging by the Solarian guards’ words, for a good reason too (I’m just about ready to go on a killing spree on her behalf).)

- I love that Brandon only gave her the gift (hey, that’s a mirror, right?) when they thought it hadn’t worked. He was there no matter what happened and I just love that!

- First day of school? Bruh, how short was that vacation? Wtf?

- Omg, Stella and Musa’s teasing. Also, plants that write books? Damn, okay.

- Oh, hey! Musa and Stella have new friends. Poor Nova, though. She was scared to tell Stella what was up on Solaria. And it looks like the situation is very bad. Though, they were just letting Stella be serious and responsible and then they had to bring in the “being jealous of Chimera” thing. Nice one, you guys.

- Griselda is rooting for less school work? That is kinda out of character. And so is Faragonda’s idea about the Enchantix too. (Also, don’t come at me with this bullshit that earning Charmix was the goal of the second year. They didn’t even know what the fuck a Charmix was halfway through the year.) And this is further supported by what she said next that the Enchantix will find them when they’re ready. And what if they aren’t ready yet? What if they’ll be ready two years from now? Also, wtf do you mean that they’ll stay exactly as they are if they fail? Who put an expiration date over when you can earn your Enchantix?

- Stella’s reaction about Chimera, though. I mean, I understand, I wouldn’t want to save her either, but still.

- I’m not trying to be a bitch and it is probably the translation that is stupid but the way Bloom’s thoughts went she was pretty much saying “Why did everyone from Sparx disappear before I could save someone and earn my Enchantix?” Again, this is probably just the translation since the imagery of the destruction of Sparx suggested that she was mourning the tragedy but it did sound wrong.

- So does the Council do anything at all? Because the way Layla is telling it it sounds like they’re there like “Well, too bad for Tides. Also, sucks to be whoever he’ll attack next.” Also, if Valtor was defeated seventeen years ago, why wasn’t there a fucking reaction by someone? Layla’s parents must have already been rulers of Tides at the time so they must have known what was going on politically speaking (especially considering that there’s a portal from Omega to Tides). None of this makes sense... Again. (”Creature named Valtor”? Interesting. This isn’t a mistake since he isn’t quite human so... the writers are dropping some hints.)

3x05:

- Why does Omega have an exit? What, you go and collect the convicts after they’ve served their sentence? No, I really can’t comprehend what’s the point of an exit portal. Isn’t the idea of a prison dimension for the prisoners to be... trapped?

- Hey, don’t dis Stella just because she’s worried about her own planet. (We really didn’t need that flashback but it wasn’t so long so whatever.) At least Layla is being understanding and supportive despite everything she’s going through herself.

Cassandra is really using the magic from Valtor, though, isn’t she? Poor Radius. And all the people who are loyal to him. And Stella for having everything taken away from her, including her father. - This part is in the wrong place but it’s true regardless.

- Just teleporting in the middle of a palace. Damn, those things are so easy to invade. They all have to invest in security. Seriously, some teenagers are breaking in with tech they invented themselves (and yeah, Tecna is the fairy of technology but still). You need a better security system, trust me. If they had it, Valtor wouldn’t have been able to sneak around the Solaria palace. Or the Isis palace, for that matter (but I’m getting ahead of myself.) Also, given the problems they faced on Solaria and those they’ll face on Eraklyon, I’d say it is a lot harder to break out of the palaces than it is to break in, which is still important but if getting in was harder, there would’ve been no reason to work so hard on keeping people from getting out, is all I’m saying.

- I am pretty sure those frames where Icy is twirling her hair were in a previous episode too. Recycling animation, I see. I would cut them some slack on account that that was 2006(?) but no, people were actually drawing good animation in 2006. The first episodes of Tom & Jerry had better quality animation back in the early 1940s for heaven’s sake. They’re just not trying.

- It’s Magic Winx time! I am really trying to make the most of those last moments we’re seeing their initial transformations. I’m thrilled about Enchantix but I’ll also miss their Magic Winx forms.

- “Fairies. They’re always trying to help others. And what’s funnier is that they actually believe it is the right thing to do.” This, right here? Giving me some major feels. I am probably reading too much into it (can’t help wishful thinking now, can I?) but this could very well be about Faragonda helping Griffin escape the Coven and saving her from the Ancestral Witches and Valtor’s wrath. He probably just meant it in general, but I now have a new headcanon (sort of).

- Aww, look at Griselda. So caring, so worried about them. They almost blew their cover there. But why use Kiko when there are five pixies even without Piff? Also, how the hell did Griselda buy that? But aww, at Kiko and Stella, too!

- Can I ask why in hell did they just turn around when they saw the wave and tried to outfly it when they should’ve just risen higher in the air and they would’ve been out of reach, the wave passing underneath them? But no, they can just do that other thing instead and take their chances with the possibility of drowning. Epic levels of stupidity again.

- “That wave was kinda refreshing.” I wonder if you would’ve thought that if someone had died.

- Was releasing the other prisoners Valtor’s plan? I don’t think he was planning on doing that. I mean, as a consequence of his actions, yeah, but I don’t think he was deliberately trying to do that.

- Bloom is getting visions now. Why couldn’t she sense that Valtor was there when he could sense her? I mean, didn’t she feel something through the Dragon Fire even when Layla wasn’t talking about him?

- That shot of Icy and Darcy facing each other while a current is waving their hair is absolutely fucking aesthetic. Can I get it printed?

- Oh, he only gave Icy powers? And I am not sure how to react to that scene. She was talking as if she was looking at a relationship with him. Also, why are they there when they know that this isn’t going to end well? This scene is on some other plane of logic that isn’t even anywhere near the one I’m on.

- Why are they so surprised that the Trix are there? Layla already told them that the possibility of them being with Valtor is big. They should’ve known. But damn, that bolt of magic just went straight through Flora’s chest. How is she not seriously injured?

- Why do the Trix suddenly turn very stupid when it is convenient for Winx? Darcy and Stormy are smarter than that. Maybe it could be considered their pride clouding their judgment but still. It didn’t feel right.

- “Does it look like I’m out of the way?” XDDD

- Why didn’t he just let Bloom drown? Problem solved. But no, he’s gotta have his “moment”, his “villain speech”, his “villain honor”. Bullshit. And in the end when she became too strong for him to defeat, he was doing anything but being honorable. The hypocrisy.

- Okay, but to be fair it wasn’t Icy’s fault that they decided they’d won and Bloom turned her back on the battle.

- Holy shit, he just exploded like that! I still can’t understand how he’s so powerful and keeps getting more power. Really, how did they even defeat him? Oh, that’s right, the writers completely tore him down. Jeez, almost makes sense.

- Oh, no, poor Layla! I think that is one of the cruelest things anyone has ever done in the series. And it is, of course, directed at Layla. (Yes, I am looking at the fact that Ogron stole her chance to save Nabu and saved a flower with that magic instead.) (Damn, they’re all so short compared to Valtor.)

3x06:

- Stella somehow got away with using the pixies again. I don’t know how she keeps doing it but damn. That should qualify as skills.

- It is very sweet of them to hold Layla and help her but I think they should’ve offered a more... extensive hold on her. What I mean here is... Story time. We did some exercises in Cognitive Psychology since our teacher said that there’s a high chance we’ll be working with people with sensory disability. So she separated us into pairs and made one of us close our eyes and trust the other to lead them through a course of obstacles. And I have to tell you that I did not feel secure at all when I was only being held by the hand. Our teacher did something similar with us but it was her who was leading us and she had an arm around my shoulders PLUS holding my hand and it felt much better and safer. So what I’m saying with this is that Layla is most certainly freaking out here and she is very brave for not showing it (probably because she doesn’t want to be a burden) and also making steps on her own in her attempt to reach Tressa. That is absolutely impressive and we should all be proud of her. And she’s also ready to fight. She deserves all the hugs and love, and support in the world.

- I’m pretty sure that spell for breathing underwater undermines the whole Sirenix thing in some way but I don’t really remember what was up with that so I won’t be putting that in the plot holes column just yet.

- Flora is swimming like a little froggie. XD And Musa is swimming like a mermaid. Btw why do all the mermaids have this unnatural angle in their tales as if they have legs and have only put on a mermaid costume over them?

- And Stella finally fucked up. I am really curious what the hell she thought she could do. Go to Solaria and what? Get arrested? Not to mention that she was alone. Stella, honey, use those brain cells. They’re there for a reason. I know you want to help but this isn’t the way.

- Since when do corals grow so fast? Calcium carbonate can’t just multiply like that. Get your facts straight, writers. I guess you could explain this with magic but the way it is animated makes the coral look like it’s seaweeds. It looks soft and fabricy instead of solid as it actually should be.

- Aaand Layla is kidnapped. She’s probably terrified at this point. Poor baby needs a hug and months of therapy.

- I don’t understand why you need bravery to cut through the bars of a cell but okay. Attacking a kraken does, in fact, require bravery, though.

- Let’s cause a cave in, kids! It will be fun. And the chance of dying is just about, oh, I don’t know, BIG!

- Why didn’t Bloom make the stupid shortcut sooner? It would’ve been useful when they were running from the kraken.

- Omg, Imma cry. It’s Enchantix time! Despite everything she’s been through, Layla chose to use the healing magic on the queen. Question though, couldn’t they just... wait until the next sunset to heal her too? Or was it a one-time thing. I think the Bulgarian dub (so RAI) said it was a special sunset that only happened once a year or something like that. Which made more sense tbh.

- That line in the end kills me, though. Layla sounds like she’s lost all hope. Poor baby! You can’t really blame her. But did her parents learn about this? Why didn’t they try to get someone on Tides to heal her? Surely her mom or someone else should’ve known about the fairy powder.

3x07:

- Another realm that will have to get acquainted with clouds. But damn, what a team they make. (Also, all the realms that are designed after Asian cultures are always so... harmonic... At least they were before Valtor.)

- The moment when Layla heals herself with her fairy dust is so powerful! And Griselda was so happy!

- Eraklyon is 1000 years old? I feel like that is little, but at the same time a lot. Idk.

- Icy was so mad. Is that some jealousy I’m detecting here? (Also, Stormy’s face at Darcy’s suggestion that Valtor may be crushing on Bloom, I can’t. She even had sort of a shudder run through her, lol.) But still, brave to yell at him like that considering how much more powerful than her he is. The Trix are the epitome of “I do what I want” and I love it.

- It’s the defense system! Idk why I like it so much but I do.

- Why do I feel like Stella and Griselda have sass matches in every class Griselda teaches? Lol, I want to witness those. They’re bound to be epic. But also, why store so many important and powerful spells in a school full of inexperienced students and risk all their well-being? This just doesn’t make any fucking sense. Again.

- Why do I have a feeling that it isn’t a good idea to let students arrange the tomes in the restricted vault?

- You see, this is why you don’t let them organize those books. Because they accidentally release a monster in the library. And of course they’re gonna send Layla, who is currently their strongest member, on lookout duty instead of having her deal with the monster with her Enchantix. At least they were smart enough to protect the books. Well, at least they learned that books can hurt you. In more than one way.

- Here comes the bullshit with Diaspro. Just let her move on from Sky gdi! Also, I love how she wasn’t really bothered by the fact that Valtor just walked into her room like that. Yeah, she was raging at him to get out but did she even blink at the fact that he managed to get in there at all? No? Why would that surprise her, right? She’s all busy being bitchy so that doesn’t even register.

- Stella and Layla have a tough case on their hands. Poor Tune. She looks like she can’t handle this anymore. But I think Bloom is the one at the biggest disadvantage (though, walking with a single book on your head isn’t actually that hard, come on). But she actually managed to master enough stuff in such a short time. And they’re going to the party. (Not that that will end well but regardless.)

- I love how Bloom didn’t even react to the fact that Faragonda knew her parents and hadn’t told her all this time. I would’ve at least asked why. But again, details just don’t register for these guys.

3x08:

- Why is it that in Bloom’s dreams it is always her friends who are taunting her. Your friends taunting you or abandoning you every time you dream about them is not really normal. (They do draw a lot of dream sequences, though, and I gotta say that they are pretty straightforward, very direct and less symbolic which... fair enough, but dreams aren’t always like that. Also, all the dreams they’ve drawn are logical meaning that everyone is doing things they could realistically do in real life and transitions from places are also smooth and physically possible. Most dreams aren’t like that because the part of the brain that is responsible for logic isn’t active during sleep. Which is why I’ve been in a different town and then walked straight into my room at home without any transition whatsoever. And yes, I get how more simplistic dreams would make sense considering it is a kids show but dreams are of special interest to me so you get this psychological/writer rant-y tangent. This may also be due to the fact that I recently watched a killer dream sequence (not quite dream, it was a hallucination but a “guided” one and it was essentially following dream logic so...) and I am still hung up on that.)

(- A sidenote here: I think that the reason Layla wasn’t in the dream is that her planet is also facing the possibility of destruction currently and that makes Bloom feel like Layla understands her even if she already got her Enchantix. And that was why she was both sleeping on Layla’s lap and not seeing her in the dream.)

- Bloom already met Sky’s parents. I mean, I get how she’d be worried around those two but they already liked her in season 2. So why is that here?

- Stella is so done. You know, I would’ve preferred it if they’d let her focus on the fact that her father is under a spell rather than on her title being given to Chimera. They’re making her more worried about that rather than about her father. (At least Layla is showing off her dress. She didn’t get to do it last time.)

- Oh, god, it’s drama o’clock. Seriously, he was just dancing with you and telling you he loves you. Who changes their mind like that? He’s been with her for over a year now. Why would he just do this out of nowhere without any warning signs? All of this is just so stupid.

- Yes, thank you, Stella. Please do go ask for an explanation. And Layla being angry for her friend too. Good.

- Finally someone realized he’s spelled. Of course he is. Why would he call them witches otherwise?

- Valtor has an interesting way of spying on people. I don’t agree that Diaspro will fit in with the Trix and they shouldn’t have reversed her season 2 character development like that. When will they learn, really?

- Layla’s morphix barrier is so powerful.

- “Even if you are spelled”? What is that if doing there? Of course he is spelled! He’s acting like a rabid dog and I think for two years now you would’ve noticed if that was his personality.

- Poor Flora. They had to get the dragons. But aww, Brandon is so ready to do what only a responsible best friend can and smack some sense into Sky.

- Why did the pilot listen to Cassandra? I know she’s acting like she’s queen but she’s not. You can’t just abandon your king like that no matter who else is giving you orders, what?

- When exactly did the spell on Radius break? When Cassandra abandoned him or when he saw Stella lying unconscious?

- That was so brave of her, just standing against the dragon and not caring about the danger, only about her father. And now she’s got her Enchantix. I always loved Stella’s Enchantix. It’s so pretty. Look at her! (Where’s my Enchantix song, though? Now I am absolutely certain that they’re showing RAI dub in Bulgaria. I want my song back. :/ I love it so much and I want it back!)

- (Okay, picking back up where I left off about half a year ago.)

3x09:

- I liked that they showed Bloom laughing at Kiko’s antics despite her being upset. It makes it more realistic than her just being sad all the time and not showing any other emotion.

- Why is it that what happened on Sparx seems to not be general knowledge? I mean, the whole planet died! There must have been a public statement out of the Council explaining what the hell happened and that the threat has been contained. Why does no one seem to know anything about that?

- I like the fact that there are bigger consequences of what happened on Eraklyon than just relationship drama. Makes this a lot more interesting.

- Look, I am not a fan of Bloom at all but I wouldn’t have wanted her removed from the school. I mean, Alfea is Valtor’s target with or without her anyway to give a logical argument at the very least. And she also deserves to be protected if Valtor is after her and not kicked out to deal with it as best as she can. It’s not fair to want her out of there just because there is someone out there to get her. They should be concerned with protecting her along with all the other students instead of trying to feed her to the wolves. Not to mention that if they want Bloom out, they should also want Faragonda out of there since she is a target of Valtor’s as well. But no one dares say that, right? I am just so over this!

- Why are we doing the voice over again?

- Vanessa and Mike are the most precious parents ever and I love them so much! (Pls, don’t ruin this with the live action series.) And also, when will Bloom stop acting like Sky has any control of his behavior? I am glad that Vanessa brought up that time Darkar brainwashed Bloom. A good way to slap her in the face with the truth delicately.

- Aww, Brandon is being such a great friend! And Stella is doing her best to be a supportive BFF as well.

- I agree with Riven on changing the operation’s name. And he was being a bit of a jerk there. Especially considering that he has been in Sky’s shoes as a brainwashed puppy for Darcy. Though, that might actually be what is driving his words. Maybe he doesn’t want to admit that he was outsmarted and spelled by Darcy and that is why he is maintaining that Sky might be choosing all of that of his own volition. (Though, that might be a bit too deep for the writers.) And he did agree to drive them, after all, so he must be saying the truth about not wanting Bloom to get disappointed.

- Why did they have to reverse every last bit of Diaspro’s character development?!

- “Is this a ‘no parking’ zone?” XDDDD

- Brandon truly is the best bf and BFF and I cannot stress this enough. I love him!

- Well, took you awfully long to put two and two together. But at least this drama is about to close. Thankfully, since I don’t think I could have taken much more of this.

- Of course, they get caught. Did that punishment ever happen? I mean, considering what is coming in the next episode, I don’t think we ever saw any consequences for that.

- I get why the news of an arranged marriage can be distressing but I think that Layla was a bit too quick with that “my life will be ruined” evaluation. She could’ve tried meeting Nabu at least before deciding it wasn’t going to work out. Especially considering that it was working out (until they fucking killed him off).

3x10

- (I will probably be talking a lot more about Griffin and Valtor than is necessary. What can I say? When your OTP only gets about five scenes together, you have to make the most of it.)

- Aww, poor Stella, feeling so worried for Brandon! But seriously, why didn’t they think of checking the intergalactic news or whatever? Shouldn’t that be... idk, their first move? Even I thought of that and I don’t even live in that universe. Come on, guys! Use those brain cells!

- Valtor is such a primadonna, I can’t even. Yeah, how dare this place he has completely taken over and pushed to the verge of destruction be so lame and not entertaining? Lol at the line about the spell protecting Cloud Tower from dark magic, though. It will never not be funny.

- Sidenote: Is Griffin the only person in the universe who’s named Griffin? I know that the fact that it’s Cloud Tower would make him think it was her but it could still be another witch named Griffin. You’d think that in the whole universe there would be another witch sharing that name.

- Okay, but that scene made the witches look kinda incompetent. I know they are just students still but they must know that shapeshifting is possible and in that case you shouldn’t invite animals inside either because they could turn out to be the menacing wizard that’s threatening the entire magical dimension. Just saying.

- God, I really hate it when they do things like that. Can we have magic users actually sensing magic and not being caught completely by surprise when someone teleports in their room? Especially if they are the headmistress of the most prestigious school for witches? I mean, she is supposed to be powerful. She should have sensed him or something. I am not saying that that should have given her more of a fighting chance but she should have at least felt his magic. Considering that they used to be partners.

- How do Ediltrude and Zarathustra know Valtor? I’m just curious for more backstory.

- This show has a dreadful way of including flashbacks. I mean, Griffin should know damn well what the hell Valtor’s talking about but they couldn’t find a better way to segue the flashback into the episode so we get that super cringy line instead. I would’ve also really appreciated it if those flashbacks were less stylized. Although - and now I am going on a Griffin x Valtor rant despite having said this before - the way it is animated it looks like they did convergence. And Valtor saying that they were unstoppable when they combined their powers supports that. And all of that, in turn, supports the idea that they were together. Especially since Griffin changed her mind about the whole thing which would mean that their interests in a magical plan weren’t all that aligned and you need sync for a convergence. (And who would prefer the idea of them being just work partners when you can have the moral dilemma of love vs conscience instead?) Anyway, yeah, really not a fan of that part with the snakes because it doesn’t tell you shit about what actually happened and I highly doubt that the Ancestral Witches conjured serpents to chase her. It could have been a good way to show once again how horrible they were but they just wanted to cop out of actually putting any effort into any of this.

- Now that I am done with that rant, I just want to say again how in love I am with young Griffin’s design and especially her hair. It is so long and purple and I just can’t! Also, headcanon that that flower hairpin was a gift from Faragonda. Also also, Darcy could be a spitting image of young Griffin. Just an observation.

- Of course, the magical barrier also protects from rain.

- Oh, boy, here comes another rant. “Why are they attacking us?” Seriously?!?!?! And that coming from Winx who were on Tides and have had two of their closest people brainwashed by Valtor? I mean, are you really that fucking stupid?!?!?!?!?! How hard can it be to put two and two together?!?!?! Honestly, I am so done with all of this!

- Well, that barrier didn’t hold up even for a minute. I know Valtor had all the witches brainwashed but how powerful can they be? Isn’t that barrier supposed to protect them from big threats? It gave way as if it were a house of cards.

- I love the way Faragonda just blasted Valtor through all of those trees although I wish they would have done more with that battle. They could have shown some more advanced spells instead of Valtor and Faragonda just blasting each other. Yeah, he turned her into a tree but we never actually saw how any of that happened. That could have been an epic battle if they had decided to show more of it.

- Yeah, this makes perfect sense. The barrier that all the teachers made together with an ancient spell didn’t hold up but the one Palladium put up with SOME of the fairies is stronger. How does that have any logic? The teachers are supposed to be a lot more powerful and therefore create a stronger barrier. I am so done with all of this nonsense.

- Poor Galatea. Though, I must agree with Icy that she is obviously new since she thought she could defeat the Trix by herself. But her idea to send a message to Musa was good! The one to run instead of fly out of there - less so.

- Yeah, Tecna just stopped a convergence between Icy and Stormy on her own. How does that make any sense?! Winx are way too powerful for the Trix to defeat them even without their Enchantix and none of this helps the tension of the season. I mean, can we have some proportional powers in order to actually have any stakes? They were so much better at that in season 1.

- Darcy, I love you, baby, but how could you set a library on fire? I am in pain. And also amazed by the stupidity once again. Why would a fire on fire attack put out the fucking fire, Bloom?! How does that make any sense?! Oh, and Galatea’s decision to rush back for the books was absolutely fucking idiotic. I get that she wasn’t rational at the moment and probably felt guilty for the whole thing but come on! This is a whole room of books! How did she think she could save them all?!

- Musa’s Enchantix is beautiful but I am not sure it was worth all the bullshit they did just to let her have it. Not to mention that there was absolutely no damage from the fire at all. And, of course, fairy dust can just generate new wings. Yes, that makes perfect sense, why are you asking? (Okay, I am actually going to give that a pass because fairy dust and fairy wings are both magic (and the dust comes from the Enchantix wings).)

3x11:

- I am actually kinda amused by the choice to start off the episode with that shot of the grounds of Alfea smoking after the battle.

- “Lucy, why did you attack us?” REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How much more stupid manufactured drama are they gonna shove in this?!?!?!... Oh, wait. That is so that we can have Mirta go to Cloud Tower bc that’s a plot device. Nvm it doesn’t make any fucking sense for any of the fairies not to know why the attack happened, especially since Faragonda is missing so they must all know about her battle with Valtor and that he’s behind everything. And then she even asks if Valtor made the witches do it? Well, of course he did, you absolute moron! I cannot with this anymore.

- Lol, Valtor just feeding the Trix’s fight and giving them stupid assignments to keep them off his back is kinda hilarious but it would have been better if they weren’t so ready to fall for it. Come on, they can do better and everyone knows it!

- Yeah, “an unbelievable battle” (Valtor vs Faragonda)... that we saw nothing of. Thanks, writers!

- I swear, the only reason Locket is less annoying than Bloom is that she’s actually smaller in size (and the writers don’t hyperfocus on her).

- Flora’s powers are really cool but why was there so much wind during that spell? It looked a bit too violent for Flora with the way all the trees were bending so intensely. And the trees were scared? Aww, that’s... a lot of things, actually. But anyway.

- If Mirta was going in Cloud Tower, why was she walking away from it? The positioning in this scene makes no sense.

- They literally just wasted almost an entire minute on the pixies that were doing nothing of importance. They could have used that time for something actually meaningful and interesting.

- Okay, I always thought that the green (bluish) and purple monsters were Ediltrude and Zarathustra but I don’t think I have seen anyone else catch on to that. I mean, it would make sense because Valtor’s mark turned the mermaids on Tides into monsters as well. But on the other hand, the witches of Cloud Tower were also marked and didn’t turn into monsters. Though, I bet that was just so we could have the drama of “why are they attacking us?” when the fairies recognized them because they might not have if the witches had been turned into monsters.

- Well, the Trix stood up to Valtor about that guard duty at least. That’s more like them.

- “she claims to be a fairy born into a witch’s body”? I never understood that. Mirta has a fairy form. So if she has a fairy form but is born in a witch’s body... What’s the difference between a fairy’s body and a witch’s one if not the fairy form? Which she obviously has?!?!?!

- Yeah, a door just opens by itself and Lucy is right behind it and Mirta falls for that. I mean, doesn’t the level of convenience tip you off that it’s a trap? Basic logic, people! Is that too much to ask for?

- Here they had to start doing the convergence before Valtor’s spell ruined it and Bloom touched Stella with no problem but later it turns out that Valtor just blocked their ability to touch. Yeah, right. I am not buying that. It wasn’t animated in support of it, sorry.

- Oh, wow. They even managed to hit Valtor with an attack! I’m amazed. However, they’re not anywhere even close to being on his level of power so, again, how did they ever beat him?

- Oh, I noticed the pentagram now! I never saw it before.

- Well, of course, Griffin is trying to escape. What did you think? That she’ll sit idly by? He knows her and he already knew she would try to escape as evidenced earlier. Why is he surprised?

- Okay, so “blocked our ability to touch each other” is actually “blocked our ability to hold hands” which is different. Just saying. And also, since when do they need to touch to do convergence? They were doing convergence without touching just fine in season 2. I maintain that this whole thing with the convergence is a load of crap because they had no idea how to put them in danger otherwise.

- What are these mummy hands and where are they coming from. And of course, Mirta shows up in a last second save. You know, I can see now how she fell for that trap earlier. Everything in this series is too convenient.

- If Valtor could do the reflective spell on Griffin’s cell door, why didn’t he just go for it the first time to eliminate the headaches she caused him with her escape attempts? Oh, my god, does anyone in this show have any brains?!

- They could have tried the fairy dust to save Griffin in this ep instead of waiting for 3x14. But again, no fucking brain cells, man.

- When will they learn that if a thing attacks them right now, there’s a big chance it was spelled by Valtor? I am really so over this. And “the old one”? Really? She’s not that old.

- Yeah, Mirta isn’t an Alfea student. Why would she care to go look for Faragonda along with Winx? We can just send her home, right? No problem.

- Hey, that’s Nabu.

(- Okay, enough about this episode. I gave it enough time and nerves.)

3x12:

- Lucy was spying on the pixies? I have never noticed that. And she turned herself into a snake? Okay, that was really cool. How have I never noticed it?

- I am so over Valtor and the Trix’s bullshit. They are all so transparent, it’s ridiculous.

- Well, that’s one of the few times we’ve seen Stella’s ring lately. She used it a lot more back in season 1 and I have started missing it.

- Yeah, Flora’s sister is not Rose. She’s Miele. Sorry, 4kids.

- Why did Flora ask her obviously-too-little-for-any-of-this sister to talk to the elders instead of her parents?!

- How did Stormy create harpies out of lightning? Was this some sort of Frankenstein thing, except she didn’t even have a body to run electricity through and just materialized the entire damn harpies out of her magic? WTF?!

- Lol, Stormy’s harpies first went for Musa? Yeah, it’s obvious they’re Stormy’s. XD (Why does that harpy look like Lucy?)

- No one can fly through the winds. 3 secs later - Stella, Layla and Musa are flying through the winds. *facepalm* They aren’t the only fairies in the whole magical dimension to have Enchantix, you know? Surely, there are also fairies with Enchantix on Lynphea, which means that there are people who can fly through the winds. Why does this show insist on contradicting itself so often?! (The talk about the Enchantix wings was cool, though.)

- Stormy really needs some anger management.

- My first thought when I saw the sage of Lynphea was “Lady Gaga” XDDD (Also, Alfea, Lynphea... chill, guys.)

- The story of the Black Willow has always been my favorite part of the lore for the Winx world! I loved it ever since I first started watching the show and it’s still holding up!

- Why is Darcy so behind on what Icy and Stormy are doing?

- Aww, Flora is so careful with her sister! And she knows her so well! She totally knew that Miele would want the ladybug to go faster. She’s a great big sis!

- Omg, a cat fight between Icy and Darcy? It’s hilariously bad but I gotta say, they probably weren’t trying to hurt each other truly since they mostly refrained from using magic. And I love the fact that they realized they are fighting over a guy and it’s stupid. Plus, Stormy really isn’t so bad at all and only needs some anger management. Out of the three of them, she always seems to value the presence of the others the most. Just... not in a “friends friends” way. XD

- Bloom was really going to just touch the water and totally forget what they were told and also turn herself back into a kid. Nice one!

- Ouch, poor Stella. She ran face first into that column. But I gotta say that I love how both Bloom’s face and intonation switch to “fuck you” even though she’s frozen to the wall.

- Hey, that thing about Griffin’s Nature Studies class kinda aligns with my headcanon that she loves plants. If you know how to make an environment thrive, you’ll also know how to ruin it. And of course, Darcy aced that. She just loves to ruin stuff and I love her. Also, loving the Trix much more now that they’re back to being a totally evil team!

- Holy shit! Flora just attacked Darcy physically! I am speechless! I did not see this coming. This episode is truly delivering on the action! It is much better than the previous one and the threat is more real. I like it!

- Oh, damn! Flora is really mad to dish out plants that are trying to swallow them! Oof, this is getting really intense and I am loving every second!

- Why are they talking underwater?

- Omg, poor Miele. She thought her big sis would die. Honestly, the Trix deserved to have their butts kicked here just for doing that to her. A sidenote, though - Why do the Enchantix transformations start up with makeup change? That is hardly a priority, seriously!

- Miele should have gotten her Enchantix, too, for taking that blow for Flora. Which btw is stupid because if the blast was supposed to “finish off” Flora, Miele should have been hurt badly but she was just fine.

- Well, of course saving Faragonda is up to Winx, THE STUDENTS! Why would any of the teachers actually try to save their boss?! That would be ludicrous.

3x13:

- Oh, so Saladin is three years older than Faragonda (and Griffin)? Also, “a social call”? Plus, the way Faragonda was talking about his past visits? Yeah, that was not a friendship when they were young. (But I just burst out laughing at Faragonda’s expression when she said she had to wake up Layla. She looked so terrified and it was just a tad over the top for her specifically.)

- Stella was dreaming Brandon had wings and they were flying together? Aww, that is so romantic!

- Aww, Layla and her dad are going to fight together! That is so precious! I love that some of the adults are finally taking action here. It was about damn time!

- The Trix look positively upset by Valtor’s idea to just let the mermaids die. It may be because in a way they are also his minions and if he has no problem leaving his minions to die, then they aren’t too safe either. Though, it seems like they want the people to live but they don’t care that the planet will die. It’s a little weird.

- Stella went to rodeo camp? Man, they really do have cowboys on Solaria, huh?

- Rescue vine? But aww, the way Flora caught Stella was really cute!

- Lol, I guess the Trix aren’t satisfied with the home cinema special “Watching your mortal enemies get obliterated” and wanted in on the action! Well, in a manner of speaking, Valtor saved them by keeping them from going to Tides (although it didn’t get destroyed but they thought it would so it kinda counts). Guess, they’re still useful to him.

- Omg, Layla and her dad teaming up is absolutely great! We needed to see more moments like that and it was totally possible considering that a half of their fathers (counting Oritel) are warriors. And I love that Teredor thought of freeing the mermaids from Valtor’s spell. I thought Winx would have thought of that by now but apparently they still can’t get used to the fact that they have fairy dust now and it can remove Valtor’s mark.

- I still don’t get the need for a portal to Omega. There is obviously another way in because the Trix weren’t dropped in through the portal on Tides. So why leave a portal? This is stupid. Also, I knew the scrolls would get sucked in. It was just too stupid for them to pass up on.

- Okay, it was sweet that Bloom and Layla were ready to sacrifice themselves but why was Tecna able to go near the portal when they weren’t? Also, why did she get her Enchantix? Faragonda said they had to sacrifice themselves for someone from their own planets. Tecna isn’t from Tides!

- Musa seemed the most upset, though. Not that the others weren’t. But Musa was the one that flew in in an attempt to help Tecna and then just banged on the ground like that. Poor babies. All of them. (At least the Trix are happy... for now.)

Part 2 is here.

[rallamajoop]

Inception: A Fannish Retrospective

For a while now I’ve found myself craving a fic of a particular hard-to-define quality – something with a bit of grit and maturity – not graphic or grim, but perhaps the kind of seedy underworld setting you might find in the better parts of Tarantino or Guy Richie’s oeuvre. The kind of fic that lets me believe that if the author toned down the slash and published it as a mainstream crime or espionage thriller, I’d still be enthused about reading it. Cord Smithee’s work is a particularly good example, for the UNCLE fans out there, but you can only reread those fics so many times, and fic of that quality has been especially sparse in the last few fandoms I’ve drifted through, and so the craving lingered.

Then it hit me: hey, you know what fandom used to be really good for that kind of fic? Inception.

And after all this time in Venom fandom, it was hardly a big jump to more Tom Hardy, so.

Maybe the bigger wonder is that nearly ten years on, most of the fic is still just as good as I remember it being. Mirabella’s Towards Zero remains one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever read in any fandom, and delires’ chav!Eames AU is better than any idea that cracked has any goddamn right to be, and (at least as long as you’re into the juggernaut ship that is Arthur/Eames) you are spoilt for choice ­­for more.

But revisiting a fandom this much later and binging this much fic, you notice things. We’ll start with…

The Film

Still holds up on rewatching today. It will never be nearly as smart a film as I’ve seen some claim: totems, for one, make no fucking sense (they’re objects with details known only to you, but if Cobb can unintentionally bring a carbon copy of his wife into a dream, why not a top that falls over when spun? And why does it keep spinning indefinitely in dreams, anyway?), and for all the exposition on ‘kicks’, why the kicks need to be synchronised to work under sedation is woefully under-explained, to the point I’m always by distracted trying to make sense of it in the middle of the third act. (Do not even get me started on the ‘it’s actually about filmmaking!’ theory – the mental gymnastics required to explain how Yusuf or Mal fits in or why we’re so fixated on the importance of the set designer, of all roles, is laughable. Some of the parallels are moderately entertaining, but don’t try to tell me you’ve unlocked the secret meaning of the film – Inception is not a movie that makes you work that hard to find its main themes.)

But the film works despite its plotholes because it’s not, ultimately, a story driven by its mechanics: the endlessly spinning top may make no sense, but film is a visual medium, and it’s such a good visual gimmick it’s gets a pass. The practical stunts are still as impressive ever, but what really lifts Inception so far beyond your typical action/heist film – for me, at least – are the characters, and the huge emotional payoffs at the end. Fischer’s reconciliation with his father is no less moving for its falseness, “We did grow old together” has gotten a sniffle out of me time and again, and the final “We’ll be young men together” scene is wonderful in so many ways I could only dream there was the Cobb/Saito fic to live up to. It’s not for nothing I’ve got Inception mentally filed in my very short list of humanist action movies along with Mad Max: Fury Road, Terminator II, and precious few others.

And then there’s…

 The Fandom

Film fandoms are always an interesting beast, peaking as they do when the film is still in theatres, when most folks writing fic are working off imperfect memories of having seen an hour or two’s worth of canon maybe once or twice at most. Fanon can go feral in far less conducive environments, is my point here – inevitably, there’ll be the details that get analysed to death or flanderised to the point of parody, and the details that get altogether forgotten. Here’s just one example that hit me on a rewatch: I have lately read god knows how many different theories on just what it means that Arthur knew Eames was in Mombasa – none of them the least bothered by how everything in Cobb’s behaviour in that scene suggests he already knows exactly where he’s going, and may even be right now leaving to catch his flight. We could talk about the artefacts of clunky exposition being shoehorned into the dialogue, or the actual intent of that exchange, but shipper-goggles give you some powerful tunnel-vision (and I say this as someone who ships it like burning).

Binge as much fic as fast as I have in the last few months, and you begin to notice trends. Common themes and popular fanon that have ascended to gospel, and facets of the original film I’d love to see explored that fandom seems to have collectively missed altogether (and the sad lack of decent Cobb/Saito is only one). Below, in no particular order, are some of those observations.

Since most of these come across as critical, I want to emphasise that I have had a ball revisiting the fic in this fandom, and there are probably multiple fics guilty of everything I touch on below which I have loved to bits. It’s only the repetition that really starts to make you sit up and notice.

1.       The Cobb-bashing, oh my god the Cobb-bashing! I had forgotten just how much this fandom hates Cobb. In the film, Cobb’s plan is the only reason Arthur and Eames ever end up in the same room at all – yet in fanfic, Cobb has been recast as the only thing keeping them apart. I’m not kidding there – fic with that exact premise is almost its own genre. In Inception fanon, Cobb is crazy and cares only about himself, and Arthur has wasted years of misplaced loyalty keeping him alive. Fanon!Eames hates Cobb for monopolising Arthur’s attention (in the film, Eames seems underwhelmed to learn Cobb is still working with Arthur at all). Fanon!Eames only works with Cobb at all because it’s an excuse to work with Arthur (in the film, they’re barely capable of having a civil conversation). Fanon!Eames never forgives Cobb for concealing the level of sedation they were under Inception job, and nor does Arthur (in the film, no-one even mentions Cobb’s deception after they leave the first level, and Eames’ main disappointment at the end is that he won’t get to see the Fischers’ big reconciliation, but why let that douse a good hateboner?) Meanwhile, Yusuf’s corresponding betrayal and Arthur’s equally-disastrous research-fail are rarely referenced. It’s not every fic, but the base level of Cobb-hate around these parts is pretty astounding. There’s nothing new about fans bashing the main character for having the gall to take screentime away from their OTP, and I’d be the last to play down Cobb’s real failings. But when one finds oneself tempted to leave enthusiastic comments on decade-old fic, praising the author for giving Cobb a minor scene or two where he gets to be a total bro to Arthur for a change… I promise you, it’s not me, it’s this fandom.

2.       For all that Eames is basically the single biggest reason I’m reading in this fandom, his fanon characterisation leaves something to be desired. I do get the appeal of flirty!Eames or pining!Eames – it’s just that once in a while, you find yourself longing for fic about the guy who was actually in the movie – y’know, the one who’s first response to Arthur’s name was, “Arthur? Are you still working with that stick-in-the-mud?” I am totally down with the idea he was feigning indifference– maybe for Cobb’s benefit, maybe he’s actively in denial himself, whatevs. But fanon!Eames characterisation typically ranges from “hopelessly in love with Arthur from the moment they met” to “a walking sexual harassment lawsuit in action,” and neither of those guys could convincingly feign indifference to save their lives. It’s also a shame we don’t see more of the side of Eames that got so genuinely, unashamedly invested in what they were doing for Fischer – quite beyond the money and the prestige, Eames loves that they get to fix Fischer’s relationship with his father and reveal Browning as the rat that he is, and it’s a wonderfully humanising side to such a shady character. There should be so much scope in there to cast Eames was a guy with a real idealistic streak, or more conscience than he’d usually admit to, or just an abiding love for melodrama – the possibilities go on and on (and if you can’t think of a dozen ways to tie any of those in as fuel for his rivalry with Arthur for bonus shippy fodder, you aren’t even trying). But that part of Eames never does seem to have found a place in the fandom’s collective headcanon, because hell if I can find any exploration of it in fic, le sigh. (Cynically, I have to wonder if it’s because it clashes with the fanon where Eames spent the Inception job furiously hating Cobb and focused on Arthur, but even that seems somewhat lacking as an answer. Who even knows?)

3.       As a corollary to the above, remarkably few fics make any attempt to deal with the fact that Arthur and Eames a) basically hate each other, b) for reasons that do not entirely revolve around how Arthur won’t put out. Obviously, this is a ‘hate’ that covers a much deeper well of underlying respect, but these are two guys who only stop taking potshots at each other when they’re being shot at for real, and to me that is 95% of the fun of the pairing – why does no-one even seem to try to recreate that dynamic in fic? Even 99% of Eames’ infamous ‘flirting’ would be better described as him pulling Arthur’s pigtails. Yet virtually no-one seems to want to tackle their antipathy head-on – even fic that acknowledges it as a past phase of their relationship isn’t set during that phase. I’m all for seeing them eventually end up friendlier, but you’ve got to show me how they get there first – that’s the good bit! Why does everyone skip over it? :((((

4.       This fandom has SUCH a thing for underage!Arthur. Fics will go on and on about how young he looks, or theorise that he was actually underaged when he first got into dreamshare, or at least looked it. Seriously, the idea of Eames having mistaken Arthur for a teen when they first met is, like, the accepted pan-fandom headcanon as to why they don’t get on (unless we’re in military-backstory land, in which case it’s that Arthur had to deal with Eames hitting on him during the time of DADT). Then there are the many (MANY) AUs where Arthur really is a teen, hitting on the much-older Eames – there’s that one semi-parody where even twenty-something!Arthur gets cockblocked by his own looks, and there’s even at least one that flips things so that Eames the one who was underage when they met, just for variety.

It’s a real Thing, and I only wish I understood where it comes from, since (to me) Arthur has always looked like the 29yo man JGL legitimately was back when Inception hit screens – I don’t think he’d even passed as a Hollywood!teen for a solid half a decade at that point. So… are there really that many people who thought JGL looked that young when the film came out, or is this just one of those fannish meme things? I may never know.

5.       No-one (by which I mean almost no-one) gets how limbo works. Fic after fic treats it as basically just a garden-variety coma, and colleagues can spend days or months moving the victim, gathering a team and planning a complex rescue. Rarely is it ever remembered the whole point of limbo is that you can age and die trapped in your own mind in no more than hours in the real world. When Eames talks about being ‘trapped in limbo until our brains turn to scrambled egg’, I think it’s safe to assume he’s being pretty literal. Basically, if you’re not treating limbo as the temporal equivalent of the Total Perspective Vortex, you’re probably doing it wrong.

6.       No-one does anything interesting with Ariadne. This, I have some sympathy for: it’s hard to know where to go with someone who ends the film where she does – her push-pull relationship with the world of illegal dreamshare is not a contradiction that can be easily resolved in a subplot, if at all. But the Ariadne who so quickly had Cobb picked as a loose canon never seems to appear in fic either, and nor does the Ariadne with the guts to sneak into his dream to find answers, or the prodigy whose last-minute moment of inspiration saved the whole job. No, Inception fic is more likely to give you an Ariadne who giggles and drags her teammates out partying than any of that, which is absurd to the point of being genuinely offensive. Seriously, that is some A-grade “all we remembered about her is that she’s female”-bullshit. Even when she’s not saddled with OOC giggle fits, fic!Ariadne also remains frustrating static: years after the film, she’ll still be doing extractions with the Inception team, despite seeming no more at home in their world. Where’s the Ariadne who embraces the underworld wholeheartedly and reaches Arthur or Cobb levels of badassery? The Ariadne whose natural gifts and overconfidence get her into Cobb-levels of trouble? Who takes the Inception job as inspiration to go into therapeutic uses of dreams? Who finds legitimate dream-related work through Miles or Saito, but still lets the old team drag her back into extractions every once in a while (because she’s easily one of the most reliable architects in the whole shady business, and there’s a part of her that still kind of loves it)? WHERE?

The obvious rejoinder to all this is that it’s hardly surprising Ariadne doesn’t get much play when you’re mostly reading Arthur/Eames fic. So (because the land of fic is still terrible at cataloguing character-specific gen) I had a dig through some Arthur/Ariadne fic for comparison – only to run into much the same frustrations all over again. No-one takes her character anywhere very interesting.

So you can imagine my surprised delight when I tried a couple of Arthur/Ariadne/Eames fics on a whim, and almost immediately found not one but two different stories willing to dive headfirst into the questions surrounding Ariadne’s future in the world of illegal dreamshare (plus multiple stories which made a very convincing case that Ariadne should absolutely celebrate their successful Inception by having a threesome with her colleagues, I mean, damn).

I have absolutely no idea what it says about fandom that I had to go looking at threesome fic to find real character development, but at this point, I’ll take it.

7.       So, I get why everyone reads Eames as queer (duh), but having discovered two quite excellent straight!Eames fic (which is to say, fic which utterly sells the idea that Eames considers himself straight or had no experience with men until long after meeting Arthur), the fact no equivalent seems to exist for Arthur baffles me. Sure, there’s one or two stories where one smile from Eames is about all it takes to make him change his mind, and one great kink meme fill that might have been just what I was looking for if it had ever been finished. But otherwise, the idea that Arthur (a guy who snogs Ariadne and is given no other obvious sexuality) -- the same Arthur whom every other fic portrays as seriously emotionally repressed – the idea this guy might not be experienced and comfortable dating men just… doesn’t seem to have occurred to anyone. Which is so weird.

Is there not enough RL evidence that Tom Hardy can and does make straight guys reconsider their preferences? Is the idea of an Arthur who’s repressed that side of his own sexuality not a juicy enough explanation for the tension between them? How on earth did we wind up with a fandom where Eames is more likely to be the designated “straight” one at the start of the story than Arthur? The mind boggles.

Holy shit, you’re still reading? Damn! Have some more recs as thanks for listening to me ramble at so much length.

Recs!

Here’s those two from the top again, because I really do love them that much

We Can Do This Until We Pass Out by delires Disturbing London, baby, we about to branch out. (The one where Eames is a chav)

Towards Zero by Mirabella Five levels down, and five to dig yourself back out.  Arthur met Eames' projection long before he met Eames.

Where the Dead Live also by Mirabella There's a monster in Arthur's basement.  Maybe he shouldn't have invited it in. It’s the vampire!Apocalypse, and this one is intense. Utterly brilliant, but equally unapologetic about the implications of its premise. So, for a somewhat-lighter take on monster!Eames, I will also throw in:

Cthonical’s demon!Eames verse Unfinished -- arguably never even properly started, just a series of ficlets from a ‘verse that never quite got written, but they are scorching hot and still well worth a look.

That’s a lot of darker fic though, probably time to lighten the mood a little.

Anal [Inception] aka Not Now Cobb We're Doing BGs also by cthonical Arthur and Eames both play WoW. They kick ass at Warsong Gulch, and when they team up they’re nigh on unstoppable.They don’t know they’re playing with each other.

Champion Sound by pyrimidine Prompt: Arthur is a DJ, Eames is a bartender.

London Bridge by sorrynotsorry Arthur loves whiskey, and maybe strippers. 

My two favourite Arthur/Eames/Ariadne fics

How to Cure Insomnia by wonderfulwrites When she called Arthur for advice on how to deal with the unexpected insomnia - okay, fine, on the pretense of asking for advice – she hadn’t expected to have to wade through a sea of bodies to see him. But then, she also hadn’t expected Eames’s cheerful but surprising, Just come, Ariadne. You can sleep when you’re dead.  Or Eames, at all, really. The Wind on the Mountain by Starlingthefool Something in her rebels against this casual, passive seduction. God knows why, but she’s sitting up in the water, taking her foot back from Eames and dislodging Arthur’s hands from her back. She stands, wet underwear clinging ridiculously to her, and says to Arthur, “All right. Your turn.”

Aaand let’s have a few more straight Arthur/Eames to round it out.

Untitled and Untitled, redux by Helenish -- two variants on a theme, and do not let the lack of proper titles put you off, they’re both great.

Unexpected Plot Twist by ethrosdemon Post-Inception -- long and (as promised) twisty, and a very solid read.

Four Corners by Mithrigil In Eames’ line of work, a first impression means nearly everything. It’s always a pity when he doesn’t get off on the right foot.

Kiss With A Fist  by cmonkatiekatie Because apparently, to find real Arthur/Eames antagonism, I have to go looking for hate sex. (Not complaining, this is some amazing hate sex.)

And also basically Everything by Wiltling There’s a darker vibe to their work, but it rarely gets oppressive -- just generally a lot of great fic.

[dancinginodessa]

better late than never

I do a survey every year on New Year’s. It’s currently February 5. We’re going to make it “in the new year” this time so I don’t break my fifteen-year streak, okay?

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

Many things, some of them not suitable for a general audience. (I’ll tell you about Psych Bike when you’re older.) I went camping for the first time, which also means I set up a tent and slept outdoors for the first time. I had a surprise party for the first time, which is less something I did than something that was done for me. I was brave in new ways and drew new boundaries. I finished my first cross-stitching project. I broke my elbow. That last one actually sucked and I am not inclined to do it again.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My sole resolution is always to read a certain number of books in the coming year. After an intervention from my therapist back in 2018, I’ve kept that number at 52, and this year I again succeeded with 63 total. I would like to think I enjoyed them more and chose them with greater discretion because I wasn’t racing towards an impossible goalpost. 

I’m keeping my resolution. I’m also keeping the implicit sub-resolution, which is to continue finding ways to be kind to myself. We’ll see.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I don’t think so, which probably means I’ve forgotten an ENTIRE BABY. Sorry, baby!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother, in October. It was long and slow and agonizing and I miss her terribly.

5. What countries did you visit?

Does...does New Jersey count as a country? 

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

A better singing voice, which means I am going to have to keep singing. But it wasn’t until 2019 that I was brave enough to do karaoke at all, so maybe this is possible!

Also, a short story published somewhere. Hell, scratch that - a short story, finished.

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

October 6: my father’s stroke.

October 7: my grandmother’s death.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not telling people what I needed; relatedly, pretending to myself that I didn’t have needs at all. No one benefits from that. It’s just a good way to cultivate resentment.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I broke my damn elbow while carrying La Croix and no one will ever let me live it down. Also got the sniffles a few times.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Opera tickets to The Queen of Spades, maybe. The jigsaw puzzle I gave Griffin for the holidays, not least because he got me a jigsaw puzzle too and the moment we realized what we’d done was so, so delightful. Honorable mentions: bus tickets, medication, this one really great sweater.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mother. Me. Anyone on Twitter who made me laugh, especially Ashley Feinberg. The folks at One Story for being so kind when I left. My therapist.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My mother. Me. The entire administration. The rest of Twitter. 

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, food, and alcohol, perhaps not in that order. If my parents ask: in that order.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The Fourth of July at the pirate ship; Psych Bike; karaoke night; any of a million things in this neighborhood, because this neighborhood now feels like home, and that’s the most exciting thing of all.

Also, Animal Crossing, though it got bumped until 2020 and I am only just hanging on.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?

Among others, “The Bad Touch,” because it turns out I absolutely crush that one at karaoke night. Ditto “Truth Hurts.” 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder, but how could I not be?

ii. thinner or fatter? Unclear (love 2 have dysmorphia), but I think I gained a few pounds.

iii. richer or poorer? Roughly the same, which is frankly an achievement.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sleeping. Writing. Asking for what I needed. Crocheting and cross-stitching and watching dumb TV. Kissing. Setting firm boundaries with someone in my industry who was harassing me, though that situation is (mostly?) resolved. Being brave - but I was already pretty brave.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Waiting for bad things to happen. They happen whether or not you expect them.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

My grandma is dead - did I mention? So Christmas was spent with my parents at our house, just the three of us. It was strange and sad but kind of wonderful, too. We are all figuring out how this family fits together now that there are fewer of us.

January 7: went to church, went to the Strand, went home and ate soup with Griffin because he was sick and I wanted to be with my buddy.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?

Kept falling.

22. How many one-night stands?

Funny story! Funny story that I’m not going to put in writing.

23. What was your favourite TV program?

I didn’t watch much TV, but rewatching Parks and Rec has been great, even if some of it didn’t age super well. I’m also literally the last person on the internet to watch The Great British Baking Show and am 10000% on board.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. I’m too tired.

25. What was the best book you read?

I have a whole list, and I could not possibly tell you my favorite favorite. However, a few contenders would be Disappearing Earth by Julia Phillips, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb, Flights by Olga Tokarczuk, Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino, In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, etc. etc. etc...

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I’m not sure I actually listened to much that would qualify as a discover and not an extension of my existing interests, but I did discover that music is beginning to bring me joy the way it did in college and which I had been sorely missing.

27. What did you want and get?

A diagnosis. It’s good to have the words for yourself.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

Lord. What even came out in 2019? I only just saw Parasite last weekend, here in 2020, but it counts, and I’m choosing that. Midsommar ruled too.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 28 and went to a nice dinner with my boyfriend that turned out to be a surprise party with my friends. It was great and I cried. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My grandmother.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

Bisexuality™

32. What kept you sane?

Last year I said “In no particular order: therapy, my mom, crocheting, cross-stitching, the New York Times crossword, gummy worms, venting to Karen, coffee.”

And...that’s about right.

Shoutout to Xanax, though.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ruby Tandoh, William Jackson Harper, Michael B. Jordan, Janelle Monae, the bear from MIdsommar (that last one is a joke)

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Everything, but especially family separation.

35. Who did you miss?

My parents, especially after the stroke. My grandmother, always. 

36. Who was the best new person you met?

The entire neighborhood crew. I am so lucky to have them.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:

You can make it through more than you imagined.

[animanightmate]

Milady?

I started doing a Musketeers rewatch tonight. No particular reason for it except wanting to do it for ages and everyone else was out of the house, it’s been a long week of poetry grafting and I’ve ordered a pizza, kids, so I’m starting again from 1.01. [cracks knuckles]

And it occurs to me, halfway through second-screening looking at “depictions of The Musketeers in media” that, while I’ve looked up many of the characters and their origins in history (and St. Isidore knows how much I also know about the period’s clothes, food, geography, and social structure), well, all my research has been on the men (The Inseparables, The Cardinal, Rochefort, Tréville, the King, and some of the Marshalls of the Franco-Spanish War) and those real life ladies of the royal court. And never, for some reason, Milady. Surely she’s a fictional character, fashioned out of whole cloth by M. Dumas, yes?

Hmm. Perhaps not. Dumas borrowed her nearly as thoroughly from other sources as he any of the rest of them, including two of the novels of Gatien de Courtilz de Sandras from the turn of the 18th Century which provided such mete material for some of the rest of them. In this instance, combining English Queen Henrietta Maria’s lady-in-waiting in one with a branded woman from another. And a couple of other people cite her, or someone with one of her many aliases, in their memoirs as having an antagonistic role in the plot to rob the Queen’s diamonds. You know: the famous Musketeer story they totally flagged then subverted for Bonnaire’s second appearance? Maybe that was just me.

And then the next section of the Wikipedia article appears before my eyes, and I somehow skip the heading (because that’s how my brain works when I’m in this mode – all tiny details) and move on to read how some dude in the 50s, name of Sudley (Lord Sudley, in his introduction to that edition), posits that there’s a reason that discovery of the trefoil mark on Milady by men who are her intimates, witting or otherwise, causes them to recoil in disgust and her to lose her shit and kill ’em. It’s not a real brand, he says: it’s a metaphor. Uh-huh? The fleur-de-lis is a symbol. Of what? Come on, Sudley, stop hinting. Why is this unusually tall woman who apparently looks gorgeous in repose but hideous when enraged such a figure of “terror and horror”?

Oh. Oh, right. He’s full-out conjecturing with his ripe and nod-wink language that Milady is a trans woman. Terror and horror, huh? Nice.

He goes on further to suggest that she’s based on real-life trans spy the Chevalier d’ Éon. What’s interesting to me about that is that a) the Chevalier was just brilliant, and for convoluted reasons I already knew a fair amount about them, and b) some of the older depictions of Milady on screen took a very similar line to the Chevalier’s re: style. See:

By unknown (RKO Pictures) - http://www.doctormacro.com/movie%20star%20pages/Grahame,%20Margot-NRFPT.htm, Public Domain, Link

By After Jean-Laurent Mosnier - Philip Mould, Public Domain, Link

Me? I’m not sure what to make of this (apart from Sudley clearly being one of those classic obsessed-with-genitalia transphobes, unless I’ve missed my mark here), especially in light of one of the theories about the Chevalier being that they were intersex. I’m torn between: yay! Trans/ GNC People In History And Popular Culture! and FFS! non-cishet folk are not just there to be mainstream media’s horrifying baddies. (One of my issues with s3, for example, is how they played up the homoeroticism... but only between the villains. [sigh] – again: just me?)

In short: I really want to play with the idea (partly because I see a lot of trans!Porthos, one very memorable trans!Aramis, the occasional cross-dressing Constance, and one fabulous canon era genderqueer Flea – yes, I may have overidentified with the depiction; what?! – but I’m yet to see a trans!Milady), but I’m feeling cautious about doing this with someone many Musketeers fanfic writers seem to brand as irredeemably evil. I’ve not dealt particularly kindly with her myself – mostly having her turn up as a prop/ strop for Constance’s assertiveness – and I’ve been meaning to do something about that, but this? Hmm. Unsure.

Thoughts?

[technoskittles]

Chat Blanc Theory - aka “I thought I was smart enough to figure something out for once but basically confuse myself by the end of this post”

okay I’ve been watching the Chat Blanc trailer obsessively (bc c’mon, we’ve been waiting for this FOREVER who wouldn’t?)

and I could be way off-base because this show typically throws me but like

does Marinette....know Chat’s identity now?

I mean, it wouldn’t really make sense considering that I’m pretty sure Chat Blanc is supposed to take place before the two finale episodes (which I am admittedly guilty of watching those because I’m impatient) though ML is also really notorious for their timeline being all over the place

 but like, here’s my reasoning:

Okay so Mari was sad about....something regarding Adrien it looks like cause she’s seen walking away from him. And she’s upset enough that an akuma is going after her

Also I think this is taking place outside of his house?

Which also makes me realize 2 other things, one of which I’ll get to later and the other one now

First realization is that maybe this DOES in fact take place after the finale timeline-wise because Marinette’s hair down is here (as seen in the above picture and this one here)

[[[[[[SPOILERS FOR LOVE EATER]]]]]]]

and Adrien says in Love Eater that it’s the first time he’s seen her with her hair down

So that means one of two things:

1) Chat Blanc takes place after the two-episode finale which makes the above statement of Adrien seeing Marinette’s hair down for the first time true

or 2) This is a result of inconsistent writing (which wouldn’t totally surprise me either)

I might be biased though because I do think the first option is more plausible for a multitude of reasons given what I’m discussing in this post

Now, going back to Marinette possibly finally finding out Chat’s identity, we go back to the scene where she’s walking away from his house. An akuma is going after her and Adrien, being the valiant yet fucking DUMBASS boi that he is transforms. Right. Fucking. There. to save her

To which Marinette is....very surprised by this whole thing. Which could very well mean that she knows that it was Adrien chasing after her and turns out to see him gone but Chat Noir instead? 

(also, side note: The Gorilla is very clearly standing in the doorway probably watching this all go down btw so he probably saw Adrien’s transformation too so like I said, this boi EXTRA DUMB)

Granted, this is all PURELY speculation because we’ve been juked before by trailers that tease possible reveals but I also still have a reason that, unlike the times before, this MIGHT have actually happened (which, again, I’ll get to in a sec)

But back to Marinette possibly knowing. So there’s a scene right before this where she, as Ladybug, drops off something in Adrien’s room signed by her as Marinette

Which also could have two explanations:

1) This is a love confession that happens prior to the Chat saving Mari scene and is what leads to him possibly turning her down which is why she gets so upset

OR

the one I personally think makes more sense...

2) This is a note from Marinette, who is now aware that Adrien is Chat Noir, thanking him for saving her from the akuma. However, this does still raise a few more questions like “Why doesn’t she just thank him as Marinette to his face?” “Why does she choose to drop this off as Ladybug and not as Marinette?” “Why do it like this when he’s not around for him to read later?”

The most plausible answer is that Marinette might still be shocked over the whole thing and maybe doesn’t know how to confront him and also...it’s Marinette. She’s a clever girl but also is still a teen so she doesn’t always necessarily think things through or consider what consequences may come after.

But then we get Adrien’s reaction to seeing Ladybug leave this behind and his face after reading it

(also dude what the fuck is going on with your shirt??)

but yeah, this? This is the look of someone who might have just figured out that Marinette is also Ladybug, aka the Love of His Life. 

So moving onto the other realization I had, Adrien transformed in front of his house right?

Well guess who else lives there???

THat’s right. HIS DAD, AKA HAWKMOTH

So it might be possible that Marinette isn’t the only one that knows about his secret identity, which would explain the scene of why Chat is down in the basement garden where Gabriel is keeping Adrien’s mother preserved

Which could also be when Adrien finds out that “holy shit Hawkmoth is my fucking DAD” and most likely when he gets akumatized

HOWEVER, once again, regarding the timeline, a lot of things don’t really make sense. If this episode is, in fact, supposed to take place after the finale, why would they air this one before it? Why not make THIS the finale? There’s a lot of big stuff going on, a lot of reveals happening....and although the finale definitely had some major moments, they all seem kind of lackluster (save for the one) compared to this. 

Plus, one of the most IMPORTANT things that happened in the finale would SURELY be mentioned in this episode somehow, right? (For anyone who’s seen the finale eps, you KNOW what I’m talking about.) So why would the people working on the show stress all the fans to avoid watching the early releases and insist on watching the episodes in order if the finale was potentially going to be spoiled anyway? Or that all the things that are supposedly happening in this episode aren’t brought up whatsoever in the finale??

This string of thoughts would perhaps be the biggest hole in my speculation because it all doesn’t make sense as a whole. Because either way you look at it, things just don’t make sense. If this episode really does happen after the finale, then the finale would’ve surely been spoiled because of the Big Thing™ if you were to watch the episodes in order.

But if this episode happens before the finale, then why isn’t any of this information brought up in the finale? If they really do know each other’s identities (or at least, if Mari knows Chat’s and Hawkmoth and Chat know each others’) then the finale just truly does not make any fucking sense.

(I mean, COME ON. This garden sanctuary containing his mom is underneath is own GODDAMN HOUSE. I know the boy is dense but that’s too fishy to not draw any connections. And since Adrien knows that Hawkmoth is kinda just hanging out and plotting in his house, whether he knows Hawkmoth’s identity or not, surely he would’ve told Ladybug where Hawkmoth is hiding.)

UNLESS

This episode really does take place before the finale timeline-wise, there is one possible explanation. 

So during this whole analysis, I’ve still been replaying that trailer to a) try and make sense of things and b) collect screenshots. On one of my rewatches, I realized something that had happened to quickly at one point for me to actually catch it.

During the part where the metal bowl is being taken off Ladybug’s head, we see a white figure walk past her but it’s kind of brief. Given the nature of the trailer and content of the episode as well as the scene it cuts to where Chat Blanc and Ladybug are fighting on what looks to be the same rooftop, naturally I figured that it was Chat who took the bowl off her head.

However, upon watching it numerous times, I noticed something. The person who takes the bowl off LB’s head? It’s not Chat Blanc...

...but this hoe (I forgot her superhero name if she had one I’m so sorry)

Which means....there’s some time travel fuckery going on next episode which means that almost everything I said prior to this means absolutely nothing in terms of the timeline

But, I do think it’s interesting to point out that it means that she probably brought LB to the future because it looks like they’re on the roof of the broadcasting building but there’s water around it for some reason? Which wouldn’t make any sense unless they were in a different time

Now what does all this mean? I have no fucking clue

My main guess is that Chat Blanc was such a problem that maybe he terrorized Paris well into the future? And that him being akumatized was an anomaly in the future we saw in Timetagger? 

But in terms of their identities being revealed? I do still think that’s what happened. But now because time travel is involved, it’s entirely possible that all of this was reversed somehow where the events leading to the reveals just...didn’t happen I guess.

I don’t know. I was really on a roll at the beginning of this post but whenever time travel gets thrown in I lose all traction. I’ve confused myself.

If you made it this far or bothered to read this at all, thanks. But now I’m just a confused idiot who has no idea what’s going on. Maybe someone smarter than me will figure all this out 

[bugheadfamily]

Bughead Family Discord Member Spotlight

This Halloween week the spotlight is on our spooky admin, Tori ( @tory-b  )! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper

Tori | @tory-b

Name: Tory or Tori

Age: 21 (but only for a few more months!)

Location: Western US

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: I can read basic Japanese and German. I won’t be able to communicate well but I have like some understanding. (I’m just really bad at languages I’m sorry universe, i want to be good at them)

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: BUGHEAD! Jughead Jone is my son, I love that boy. But I’m also a big Archie girl you know? Like just in the ‘he is my big dumb son and he just needs to be protected at all costs.’ I’d probably kill for a Jarchie person.

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: There are so many it makes it hard to choose from you know? But S1: the iconic “hey there, Juliet, nurse off duty” is just like…so cheesy and soft it makes it hard to not just be utterly in love with that big dork. S2: When Archie cuts Jughead’s chains in front of the building, and they have that shot where the chains are falling away and he looks just like a fucking mythical fallen angel. That moment is so powerful between the boys, but it’s also just such a beautiful image on screen. Like Riverdale’s cinematography is eh on the best of days but in that moment like wow just absolutely WOW

What are your hopes for S3?: All my hopes and dreams look like they’re coming true and I could cry. Betty has a therapist! Bughead is investigating! Josie is getting more SCREEN TIME. I really do want more Cheryl/Betty friendship moments but I’m not sure if we’ll get them. I’d also love a Jug/Cheryl friendship moment. Also if we could get our Jarchie kiss.

Other fandoms you’re into?: I was in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom for a little while, and the Voltron fandom for some time after that. I just kind of commit to like one fandom or I’ll be dead.

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: My other go-to show right now (I’ve been rewatching) is RuPaul’s Drag Race because I’m Reality TV Trash. My favorite movie is tricky. I always tell my mom that I don’t watch many movies because I like that TV can show longer more complex plots than movies.

Favourite books?: Fever 1793 was my favorite growing up and sometimes I’ll still read through and cry like a fucking baby even though I know how it goes. I love historical fiction. BUT my absolute FAVORITE book is Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky.

Favourite bands/musicians?: It is I, your friendly admin hipster who has a lot of vinyl, and my fave bands are Panic! At the Disco, Walk the Moon, and the 1975. Also I listen to an absurd amount of broadway musicals because I’m a theatre nerd through and through.

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: I was gonna say Riverdale but I don’t want to chances of me getting murdered to jump up to an absurd amount. I’m small and meek I’d die like Midge. Maybe the Miraculous Ladybug’s Paris because it’s soft and even if I get turned into a bad guy no one hates me and I get a cool costume.

Favourite food?: Strawberries! Specifically Strawberry Shortcake but anything with strawberries on it.

Favourite season?: Winter or Fall! Spring is amazing but it makes me sneeze because allergies.

Favourite plant?: Sunflowers!

Favourite scent?: Lime! It’s clean and fresh.

Favourite colour?: Pastels. Pink, blue, yellow!

Favourite animal?: Doggos! (I’d say cats but i’m terribly allergic to cats even though I love them).

Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: My sleep schedule is garbage. I am a night owl who works early morning shifts and is forced to be an early bird.

Place you want to visit?: I want to visit more of europe, specifically France, see more of England, and very much Japan!

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: I do have pets! I’ve got my sweet little Poppy. She’s a rescue mutt who I got on my 13th birthday. She’s probably 11-12 right now but none of us have an idea. She’s so soft and beautiful but she is absolutely a little bitch. I go to college so whenever I come home for holidays, she stares at me like I’ve just utterly offended her and turns away. She’s a Princess who is utterly spoiled.

Tell us a little about yourself?: Oh gosh. I’m not sure what to say in this really. I’m graduating a semester early with a double major in Psychology and Anthropology, which I think is really cool, even though I have no idea what I’m going to do with that frankly. I moved a lot growing up because my mom can’t stay still. I’ve got this skin condition called vitiligo so lots of my body doesn’t have pigment!

Fun or weird fact about you?: I can’t properly scowl. Like bring my eyebrows together. I have no idea why.

Asks for fanfic authors:

How long have you been writing?: Oh gosh. So I’ve been writing in notebooks since I was like 5, but I posted my first ever fanfiction (did you mean that Harry Potter fic I posted that I like to ignore?) when I was 10 or 11? I quit writing publicly from about 12 until…I was like 20?

Which is your favourite of the fics you’ve written?: One Last Chance. It was 12k of really just emotional catharsis. I cried while writing it and it just felt so good to write it. Whenever I read it I just smile because I think ‘wow i can’t believe I’m the person who wrote this’.

Favourite fic/chapter/plot-point/character you’ve ever written?: The plot points in What Happened on Elm Street are my favorite because they’re so twisty and turny!

Which was the hardest to write, and why?: What Happened on Elm Street is very difficult to write for me. It’s super complex and I can only give away a little at a time to keep some of the mystery in it. So I have to think a lot for each word I write.

How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? (examples: Do you draw inspiration from real life? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?) Do you have an process to your writing?: It’s a combination of everything! It’s real life in some ways, like my college experiences, or with songs, like my oneshot I Hate Love Songs! It all depends. Sometimes it just comes to me, like I’ll be watching a movie and I go ‘yes!’.

Idea that you always wanted to write?: A Zombie Apocalypse AU. SO BADLY. But I don’t think it would be very popular, so I always sort of hang back and don’t write it even though I kind of have the first chapter of a WIP written for it. I just love that kind of angst and fear.

Favourite character to write?: Cheryl fucking Blossom. She is just…I love writing all her wittiness! Also apparently Jughead? Since all of my writing has been through Jughead’s POV lately.

Best comment/review you’ve ever received?: So I received a comment on the first chapter of 101 Ways and it was just “DOGGIES” which made me laugh out loud> I also had someone (her name is Cat, she’s an admin, not sure if you’ve heard of her) tell me she cried into her Taco Bell reading One Last Chance. That was iconic.

Best and worst parts of being a writer?: Best parts are absolutely getting to stretch my creativity. I have a lot of ideas and writing is just such a cathartic thing for me. Writing makes me feel unburdened and free and that means a lot to me. I use my writing to cope with some of my anxiety and depression, because I feel good about words and how well I can manipulate them. Worst: That fear. That constant fear of not being enough. Of not being as good. Of comparison. It comes with fandom culture I think, this need to compare yourself to other people. I don’t ever mean to do it, but I can feel it happening sometimes. I love being able to learn from other writers by reading things and being encouraged to experiment, but perhaps it’s just who I am but I do have a problem with comparison.

Do you have any advice to offer?: Experiment experiment experiment! If you like something in another person’s writing, like a certain style, how they use metaphors, etc, there’s nothing wrong with adopting things you like and evolving you're writing based on what you like to read. It’s so important to keep changing and evolving and the only way you can do that is by trying new things!

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This is the fifteenth instalment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

[kihocrystal]

Spring 2018 - Final Impressions

Sorry this post is so late (again)! I had a *really* busy July, which really didn’t help at all. But anyway, here’s my thoughts on the shows that I finished this past season! All but one are sequels, though (and the one non-sequel was a carryover from last season)... Don’t worry, I’ll watch stuff like Megalobox and Hinamatsuri eventually! :’D

All “reviews” are listed in alphabetical order!

Amanchu! Advance - 8.0 / 10 (B-)

I liked season 2 as a whole! (Except for one episode / thing…)

QUEERBAITING SUCKS

I dunno if this is the fault of the anime or the source material…

…but this is still the most blatant example I’ve ever watched >_>

episode 11 didn’t need to happen!!! Why couldn’t Kokoro just… be a girl

or y’know, just let Pikari and Teko continue to “love” each other as they have! OTL

maybe why it annoyed me so much is that it’s like… a total bait & switch that went on for 2 SEASONS

to be fair, the reveal kinda went over my head? But when r/anime pointed it out, that’s when the salt began :/

yet the finale still has them blushing over reading thank you notes? It’s like this show wants its cake & eat it too

at the end of the day, the Kokoro stuff just… got in the way of Teko & Pikari’s interactions, platonic or not >_>

Also I’m one of the few people who actually liked the Peter arc

and it gave Ai some spotlight time!!!

it’s nice to have a little story arc to change things up (as opposed to an episodic structure)

(though I understand why many didn’t care for it… it leans a lot more towards supernatural than usual)

IMO they at least gave precedent w/ that one lucid dreaming episode w/ Teko, though

AND THERE’S ACTUAL SCUBA DIVING THIS TIME \o/

the underwater moments can be very magical… definitely the visual highlight

And the cast of characters is still enjoyable to watch too~ (def. a good group dynamic there)

Kokoro is considered a polarizing character for sure

I didn’t mind him that much until, y’know… his gender reveal led to the queer-baiting thing >_>

The finale was really nice though! It had pretty diving scenes and had cute Teko & Pikari moments~

In any case, this is still a very relaxing and heartwarming anime~

It has all the things I enjoyed about S1 here; it’s just the things added on top were a mixed-bag

Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card - 8.0 / 10 (B)

EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW IS BEING VAGUE AS SHIT

But at least the mystery is interesting!

It’s just too bad it took like… 20 episodes to start getting any kind of explanation :’)

I actually watched the original series through a r/anime rewatch at the end of last year!

(meaning there wasn’t much time for me going from that series to this sequel)

I enjoyed the callbacks to the original series as well!

(including going from *anime* canon! i.e. the 2nd movie actually being canon)

The visuals look nice! Even though it almost looks a bit… *too* rounded in comparison to the original

I enjoyed watching Sakura capture all the new cards in different ways~

Even though this season was VERY light on plot (mostly), this aspect provided the action~

Also I enjoyed watching the character interactions too ^^

But yeah… the lack of overarching plot development and VAGUENESS kinda holds this season back

that being said, the final episodes set up some potentially interesting developments to come

and the finale itself *definitely* was not a conclusive one, so S2 better be confirmed soon!

Overall, I still enjoyed this continuation for the things it did right! I’ll be looking forward to a S2~

Darling in the FranXX - 8.0 / 10 (B)

Well this is/was a… polarizing show, to say the least.

I enjoyed it overall, but certain things about it hold it back from a higher score for me.

There’s two main elephants in the room with this series, really

#1 is… the heteronormativity

this was basically from the get-go, and in the roots of the story / themes itself

since the themes revolve around male/female partnerships & the importance of that… Yeah

one of the core quotes being “a female and a male aren’t complete w/o the other” …Yeah, again

also the sex-like positions of the “stamen” and “pistil” while piloting also doesn’t help

the workings of this world’s society has hetero relationships as the standard and doesn’t really allow for other options

(i.e. the FranXX piloting, Ikuno’s female attraction not working out in both operating the mech & her feelings for Ichigo, etc.)

at least Ikuno and Ichigo got a scene to talk about their attraction feelings & make up somewhat ^^

plus the Nines are basically gender non-binary but are seen as antagonistic forces for most of the show… Yeah

and just basic hetero things (like sex & pregnancy) were like being attacked in this show (when it’s not in real life???)

there’s an image meme that’s like “no, Prime Minister Abe… this will not get people to have babies” (…agreed :’D)

sure, there are *many* ways you can interpret this show, but the fact that so many people have seen it as such is Not Good

#2 is… the show supposedly “jumping the shark” towards the end

the main culprit of this (for many people) seems to be the “suddenly aliens!” reveal in episode ~20

this didn’t really impact my enjoyment of the show at all, but I definitely understand why people would be disappointed

in a way, it does kinda shift the story away from the themes it was using prior to this…

perhaps the lack of foreshadowing was another reason the shift in plot didn’t go well

plus it tends to directly riff off of certain visual cues from other mecha (like Eva & Gurren Lagaan)

Those two main gripes aside, the directing & visuals in this show were what kept me interested throughout

music choices, visual choices, etc. just really made certain moments better than they probably should’ve been

I enjoyed the characters as a group as well (even if most of them individually weren’t anything to write home about)

Goro’s a good bro, Ichigo went through good development, Kokoro & Mitsuru developed as a good pair…

Futoshi ended up being kind of a fat joke to the end though (& it was interesting that him & Kokoro didn’t end up together)

of course, Zero Two is the one everyone loved (& I liked her & Hiro’s dynamic as well)

sure, some people felt like she had “no personality” after she realized the truth about Hiro, but I didn’t mind the change

Plus I like that this show had a… pretty good ending, actually! (All things considered)

Directing as always was on point, and we got to see everyone’s lives over time (& Hiro + Zero Two eventually re-uniting as kids)

I just wish the main group got to see the two of them again :’)

though I do wish VIRM actually got full-on destroyed instead of a “we might come back” ending :/

and the ending was also kinda like “oh yeah, all the Children sent away didn’t actually die!” ???

This show will likely have a legacy not unlike Guilty Crown going forward, but I thought it ended better than that show, for the record

But yeah, this show is far from perfect and has questionable themes. But I still enjoyed it over all for the things it did well~’

Nanatsu no Taizai S2 - 8.0 / 10 (B-)

Unfortunately, not as good as S1 (but I still enjoyed this season overall)

S1 felt like its own self-contained story, but this season is clearly a “Part 1” for things to come

I wish Diana had more to do this season… she lost her memory early on and STILL doesn’t have it back

she was out of the main conflict (& separated from the group) for most of it :/

she also had these WEIRD ANGLES & POSES all the time… the fan service w/ her was *Really* distracting

the only consolation is that we got to learn some backstory for her & meet her fellow giants

oh well, at least she’s met up with King again and is enjoying his company by the end :)

The Gowther twist is interesting, but the way they revealed it was kinda… underwhelming

plus that *also* hasn’t been resolved yet (like many other things this season)

Some good moments this season were centered around Ban

such as his relationship w/ Jericho, time w/ a resurrected Elaine, and the small arc w/ his foster dad :’)

Also the final Sin got introduced w/ Escanor! PRAISE THE SUN

he’s a fun character; skittish by night and INVINCIBLE by day

The addition of power levels was kinda weird

it wasn’t necessary in S1, so why add it now???

The training arc gave us a full flashback to Melodias’ past w/ losing Liza, which was nice (and sad ;~; )

plus the vs. 10 Commandments fight actually showed Melodias full-on dying? That doesn’t happen much

it was a brutal death too! Hard to watch ;~;

plus they even changed the OP animation to reflect that he died… now that’s commitment

of course he came back later on, but there’s a catch… (since he loses some emotions every time)

There were some good fights, mostly during the “tournament” arc

(especially Melodias vs. all commandments… a sakuga highlight for sure)

The finale had a good stopping point, but it definitely makes clear that the story’s not over

so yeah, unlike season 1, this season *needs* a season 3 to be worth the watch

So yeah, there were some good moments & fights this season, but as a whole, it’s weaker than S1

Shokugeki no Souma S3 (Part 2) - 8.5 / 10 (B+)

I enjoyed this season! Continuing on the darker tone that the first half of S3 set up

This plot line of Central taking over the school is still my favorite plot point thus far, tbh

in other words, shit is finally going down!

…even if many of Central are just mustache-twirling villains :’D

Erina’s gotten great development from this arc too…! She’s not just a typical stuck-up tsundere anymore

her backstory is definitely a harsh one. It was great seeing her gain the courage to stick up to dad!

We also learned more about Souma’s dad! :O

Especially about how he was seen as feared, and the pressure of success got to him :’(

along with how this backstory tied into Asami’s motivations as well

Most of the season was kinda a gauntlet of opponents for the “resistance” to face off against

seeing Akira turn evil (for a bit) was interesting, but it’s a good thing he turned good again~

we oddly haven’t seen a lot of the Elite Ten in cooking action yet???

The final part of the season started off the big Team Shokugeki! …but it only got through the first round

the stakes are definitely high for this one, and also seems like the big conflict of this arc for sure

it’s just, y’know… the season ending in the middle is not a good look, really

at least the ending wasn’t abrupt; it was open-ended but still had a sense of conclusion

All in all, a good second half of season 3 (with some of my favorite plot content thus far!). Keep it up!

[shiedagabe]

My Experience With Dissociation

Author’s Note: I’ve had dissociation as long as I can remember. I feel like this is a disorder that has much to talk about, especially during CoVID where more and more people might seek refuge in dissociation. I have come to share my experience with it throughout the years and, hopefully, it will help you understand yourself as well.

Note: I’m probably going to write more chapters, but I have to find out how to express myself.

Belongs to: Unknown, Piqsels.com

Trigger Warnings: Existencialism, Self-Doubt, Mention of Suicide

Word count: 2200

What is dissociation? This answer may vary from person to person as all people who present this disorder don’t feel the same way. Perhaps it would be better if I gave an example. Imagine the following scenario - imagine you’re at a restaurant with your significant other and both of you order the same dish. Despite the fact that your lover does not like shrimp you decide that it would be a good idea for them to try it out, only for them to hate it, as they always have. Dissociation works quite in a similar fashion: while I may have more mundane experiences with dissociation that may be caused by my down to earth nature and rational thinking, a person who would be more impulsive and illogical would, certainly, experience different dissociative episodes and, in turn, be more or less affected by this disorder. Perhaps they imagine themselves as being a hero in their made-up world and the characters in those worlds being a mere reflection of the people they meet in real life. They travel through long and beautiful worlds while staying still on the same spot, thinking of a better life for themselves when they’re stuck on this Earth.

As for me this would be a completely different story. I imagine very mundane scenarios, all of them being very likely real, causing me to be unable to distinguish them from reality. If I had to make a real world comparison I’d say it’d be very similar to a movie projector from the 1950’s. You’re rewatching the same scenario over and over again until the roll burns out and you can’t relive it anymore. Until all emotions are drained from it like a sponge and my so-called real experiences get hurt in the process. I’ve always had a hard time recalling events from my past, even though I have an overall good memory. I think the problem lies in the fact that I can’t tell if I chose to forget those memories or if they have been washed up after being left for many years on the shore of life. Now they are deformed versions of their past selves, limbless abominations, if you will, and I have to complete them with what I see fit, but every time I try to do so I only create a half-starved chimera who begs to be put down. I feel as if I have to retry that process countless times until it seems believable not only to others, but also to me. And the memories I am able to recall are faded, as if I were remembering the time I remembered them. It seems weird, in an interesting way, that the human mind, in order to protect itself from its inner machinations, decides to shut down the “emotion lever” as to shield itself from what it cannot comprehend. I’m sure many others face a similar issue, being trapped in their own minds like rats in a maze, unable to understand the complexity of their jail while imprisoned in their own distress. I wish there were a more simple solution to this disorder, but it seems to be caused by unbelievable amounts of stress and, interestingly, I don’t seem to recall the event that started this whole journey. Was it parental neglect and the ever-excruciating need to be heard? My parents do seem to love me now, but people do change and they can always fake their emotions. Or perhaps it might have been peer rejection? I do have people I can call friends at the moment, but I do remember feeling left out and excluded from every social group I’ve known, except for a small group of people, who, to this day, I still call friends. Or maybe all of these situations are complex alternate realities that my imagination has brought forth and modeled to my liking. This is, without a doubt, one of the worse things about dissociation. The inability to distinguish real, livable moments from imagined perceptions of reality.

I want you to imagine the following: imagine you have two choices for breakfast, you either eat cereal or you eat a sandwich. I know reality isn’t as simple, but for simplicity’s sake I’m dumbing down the argument. Now you decide to eat the cereal, but your mind later tells you repeatedly that you should’ve eaten the sandwich because you would’ve enjoyed it more and it simulates the smell and taste of said sandwich and, by the time someone asks you what you ate for breakfast you couldn’t tell them what you had. You’ve felt the experience of eating both, their taste, their smell and seeing them right in front of your eyes. Without physical evidence of you eating said cereal, for example, a bit of cereal stuck in your gum, you wouldn’t know that you ate it. If we now apply that to actual scenarios it becomes tens, if not hundreds, times more complicated. “Did I hang out with this person? Have I ever told them about an intimate secret that they should know for their own sake?” These questions float around in my subconscious and I try to make an effort as to not get consumed by more existential thoughts. The best solution my incomprehensible mind has found was deleting any and all memories I had until only their hollow remnants remained, some sort of apoptosis, if you will. On one end this manages to work out quite well - I no longer have to worry about my memories being faked or transmogrified because I know all of them aren’t real, at least to their full extent. The only times I do recall events is when other people remind me they happened or when I pick up an old object that I still hold dearly to my heart, like stuffed toys or old trinkets and charms I have lying about. On the other hand, however, I am an empty husk without any sort of experience I can tell people about, a modeless play-doh that still needs to be reshapen. In my personal opinion, this might also be the reason why I can relate so much to other people. I assimilate the parts of their personality that they show me, or that they find attractive or engaging, leaving me with a stronger bond with that person in particular. Since I don’t talk to only one person, however, it’s to assume that I have many personalities inside my own mind, each one catered for the person I’m talking with. I also have a feeling I have a “base” personality that’s friendly and welcoming that, in its due time, develops into what the person likes. If I’m interacting with a more extroverted, outgoing person I might be more careless and unaffectionate, as they simply want to have fun, but more introverted or just overall shy people need someone who cares for them and treats them kindly, something I can also very much offer. Although this leaves me with a problematic conundrum – who am I, in reality? Am I the carefree, enthusiastic person, just like person A, or am I shy and caring like I am with person B? Am I an entirely different person whom I haven’t discovered yet? A mumbling freak with no personality of their own, who fumbles around for scraps of personality from my ever-darkening mind? Some of these questions I haven’t been able to answer for months. If I don’t have a sense of self-identity, how can someone love me for the person I am, and not for the projection I show them? And if I don’t know who I am, how will they? Some people have tried to read me before but I always find something that’s quite not right, and I legitimately don’t know if they’re right and I can’t admit it or if they’re wrong and I still incorporate the personality trait they have listed off.

Of course, like other people who suffer from dissociation, you might find yourself with this puzzling task. Fret not; the solution may be closer at hand than you think. For you to discover yourself you have to try out new things without any sort of peer pressure or anxiety issues. If you’re shy or antisocial, like I once was, you should try going to small events and see how much you like them – that being bars, small, indie concerts, parties with a close group of friends, whatever peaks your interest. If you don’t enjoy those types of events it’s completely okay, not everyone enjoys everything and you shouldn’t force yourself to do them. You don’t need to force yourself to do something just because it’s normal. You can be a closeted bookworm or a nymphomaniac extrovert, it does not matter, just do things that you find interesting, within the boundaries of morality and legality, of course. If I were to be honest, I, and many others, find people who aren’t “normal” fun. They usually have many more stories to tell, be them fictional or real. People who follow the norm just because they want to be accepted socially usually don’t have many stories to tell, and if they do you can and will hear that story many a time from them or from other people, since they usually hang out in large groups just to feel accepted. I’m not saying that these people are completely uninteresting, however, but their need to hang out in groups leaves them with little to no unique experiences of their own.

With that out of the way I’d like to move onto a different topic: dissociative amnesia. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, it can be divided into three categories, which I will not go in depth here, but it basically represents a lack of memories from a specific time or from specific events. Although many people won’t have this issue at all, since it only occurs in 1% of the male population who suffer from dissociation or 2.6% of the female population, I still find it important to mention this issue. I feel like I don’t remember myself from my childhood, as if all those memories had been forcefully removed from my mind, for one reason or another, that the only memories I do, in fact, have are extraordinarily recent. I do recall some events from my childhood but I also feel like most of them have been lost to time. This has always been quite troubling, not only to find and maintain a sense of identity, but also to keep a conversation flowing smoothly. I have met many people before who have asked me to tell them some interesting facts about my life but I’m always dumbfounded and out of words because I don’t know who I am, I can’t tell them something about me. I’ve seen a lot of things in my life, you can take my word for it, but I can’t remember them, for the life of me. Sometimes I wonder if remembering my entire life would be a better option. At least if I remembered what I lived through I’d be able to decide if I wanted to forget those things or not. It just feels like most of the stuff I remember about my life as a child was uncomfortable or straight-up depressing. The first time I proposed to a girl I immediately got rejected because of my own stupidity. I lived in a fantasy world, even back then, and I legitimately had no clue what to do. My friends did say I was romantic, but I know they were only calming me down so I wouldn’t look even more like a clown. If I were to be honest, life is a vicious cycle of momentum – if you don’t hang out with people you won’t know how to socialize and if you don’t socialize you won’t be able to hang out with people. I understand now that it’s a difficult cycle to break, luckily I have been able to exit it because I moved into a different environment and I finally feel like I’m starting to understand myself, but I still find myself without a feeling of uniqueness. I notice that I’m not myself still, that this more “party animal” personality I have was created because of the people I met in the past. It was my cliché version of an out-going personality should be and it managed to work out, despite all of my expectations.

I remember mentioning that my dissociative episodes were very mundane, yet I failed to give an explanation as to why. I know there is a difference between daydreaming and dissociating, those two concepts are very much alike, but they differ in small ways. I feel as if I can’t pay attention to anything. If I try to I start imagining literally any other thing – it might be the person talking, but I won’t hear any sound; or perhaps, even, that we’re in a completely different environment. If I’ve been with that person for a long time I might imagine us in different situations, as if we were on the beach or watching the sun set. However, since I’m stuck in my own imagination, I can’t remember anything they’ve said. I usually blame it on something else, like my bad hearing, which is partly true, but I guess I’m too afraid to admit that I wasn’t paying attention. Consciously, I feel like this isn’t my fault, but I have to spend so much time explaining this feeling that I don’t know if it’s worth it. On the other hand, they might also not understand what I mean and think I’d be playing them like a fiddle. I can’t trust anyone, no matter how long I’ve known them for – I don’t know if they’re wearing a façade and pretending to be my friend only to, later, have the “last laugh”.