#a real rollercoaster of emotions the whole way lol

[seekingthestars]

3 year workaversary 🥹

[kanmom51]

Are you sure?! Sapporo - Episode 8

I know.

I know it's been a bit and a half.

I know it's taken me time to come here and talk about the last episode.

I've been digesting, totally in the feels, and trying to recover.

The photobook, JM's little piece of information regarding his whereabouts night before Jeju and the pic. OMG, that JK marked by JM pic. The more you think about it the crazier it gets. That they actually did that and that the photo made it's way into the book (not to mention us knowing that JM has that pic he took of JK on his phone). All quite a distraction from me working through my thoughts about the episode. A welcomed distraction, but a distraction none the less.

This last episode we got of their Sapporo trip was an emotional rollercoaster. Not only for JK and JM. The level of Joy on the one hand. Seeing them so very happy. And them allowing us to see even more of them and their happiness. Like JM said:

Thinking again about what he said here... and then going back to this:

Yeah, I know he was talking about their Sapporo trip, but you know that this isn't the first time we saw JM wanting to claim his territory.

I know I don't have to point out where JM was pointing where he was going to be writing "Jimin", right?

So, this too is something JM does at home? Just a thought, lol.

And then those two just had to kill me. I know they were both pensive and sad it was all coming to an end, but JM crying, that just devastated me (because It's JM, and JM struggles so with showing himself so vulnerable).

So yes, it has taken me a second to get my wits together and come back and talk a bit with you about what we had in Episode 8.

When I finished watching the episode for the first time I couldn't help but think:

It's the end of the world as we know it...

Well, not really, because we knew it pretty well, but for those that didn't (or wouldn't see it, or denied it, or lived in a delusion that it wasn't happening) it sure is changed.

And then we get JM and JK just crushing down all those TKK rickety houses of cards (see what I did there?) with the photobook. Absolutely priceless!!

Are you sure?! Episode 8

Filled with romance and sentiment and so much feels. Couplie feels.

This episode, is the one, out of all those it followed, to cement for us, the spectators (all spectators, not only Jikookers), that these two are... drumroll... a REAL LIFE long term ever so loving couple.

No huge ear sucking, hickey showing or sunscreen claiming moments. And yet, this episode differs so much from the ones that came before because the whole aura of it was so heavy in "if it looks like a duck and quack like a duck then it's a fucking couple you idiots, just open your eyes".

This is JM and JK just being themselves albeit Sapporo Jikook are innately different due to timing and place - Japan and last trip before enlistment made this so much MORE for the two of them, and we most definitley saw just how much so at the end of this episode.

But this is also the editors doing, with the company's ok, of course, allowing us to see so much MORE. I do believe, that just like with the hickey finding it's way into memories 2020, this episode, the editing of it, was a conscious decision of both Jikook and the company. Jikook being themselves and allowing us to see more of it. More of them. I can assure you there is much we did not get to see, just like there was much we did not see from the previous trips and episodes, but we were allowed to see MORE in episode 8.

And again, it's not about seeing sus moments, because we definitely got a few of those in this episode. We had some in previous episodes as well.

It's about the MOOD.

it's about the editing allowing for more private moments (emotionally private, couplie private, not necessarily what people love to see or think would be the most suspicious ones, the more obvious ones with sexual innuendos), moments that I am sure happened in the other two destinations as well but were edited out.

But there were still things we weren't allowed to see.

Like when a crying JM goes to wake up JK in the morning.

Too personal. Too emotional. Too private.

Beyond the MORE, it was just TOO MUCH.

And yet we did get Jikook just being themselves and us getting to see it. Jikook just BEING. And it was beautiful. It was emotional. It was intimate. It was so very special.

We got to see them react to the first episode of the show. And although this most definitely wouldn't be the first time we got to see them sit down and watch and react to BTS content, that was always within the context of BTS content and with the other members. I can think of one time we got to see them watching their own interactions during the Black Swan shoot.

But even that had them sitting apart and the whole group present.

This was intimate. Just the two with only a red pillow between them (which I am 100% they put there to remind themselves of where, when and what they are doing). JK holding on to that pillow, to prevent hands from straying? I guess it kept them at bay... at times...

So yes. We see JK and JM (oh boy JM) definitely in the feels. And the different editing. Allowing us to see and feel their intimacy.

And with all that, the whole intimate aura surrounding that whole episode we got some cute and some more obvious moments (those moments you can point your finger at and say "there you go", unlike a feeling you get from just watching the two BEING).

We got so so much in this episode.

We got their usual playful flirting.

One example of many:

I mean, really???

The facial expression while saying it, and the mostly lack of reaction from JM as well. No flinching, no "you shouldn't say stuff like that", nope... just this:

This, to me, is not stressing about JK saying this to him but more about it being said for us to hear.

And I'm sorry, but whichever way you look at it, this is not the reaction you would get from a bro who was just told by his bro to strip.

We got more flirting in the car, at the convenience store, at the accommodations, in the hot tub as well. I will get to it all, don't worry, lol.

We got the touchy.

We also have the full combo of flirty playful and touchy:

We got JM telling us 3 times he was taking and took a boyfriend pic.

We got them calling each other pet names.

We got JM talking about his butt and JK's familiarity with it...

We got JK showing off his BF privileges.

We got JK trying to uplift JM's mood.

We got JK telling us all these trips with JM have been the best of his life,

and:

We got JK totally lost, gazing all stary eyed at JM.

Fuck, that was so beautiful!!

I want to go back a second to the clip I shared - what the absolute perfect ending to an absolutely wonderful show. And that little surprise at the end.

Even watching it again now I'm balling my eyes out.

JM rubbing his shaved head... I can't...

😭😭

The one thing that gives me strength is knowing that they are there TOGETHER!!!

[storiesfromafan]

Antisocial Bookworm

A/N: I haven't written anything in like 3-4 years, but then I ended up down the Mattheo Riddle rabbit hole on TikTok. And here I am lol. Please be kind, as I haven’t written about him before, this is my first go at it.

Part 2 😊

Pairing: Mattheo Riddle x Fem!Reader

Summary: you didn’t think of yourself of a main character, but rather a background character. Though the Slytherin heart throb thought otherwise.

                                  Antisocial Bookworm

The afternoon was on the sunny side, but there was a cool breeze that had students wearing jumpers and cardigans. You were no different. You were sitting under a tree in the courtyard, legs stretched out in front with ankles crossed, and engrossed in a book. The students around you made noise that you barely took note of, for the book in your hand being far too interesting then the real world. You didn’t really have any friends, nor did you socialize. Books were better company than people.

But hearing the voice of the one and only Mattheo Riddle, you took your gaze from the book before you and looked at Slytherin heart throb that was joking around with his friends. Watching the smile upon his face as he laughed at whatever one of them had said, seeing the brightness in his deep brown eyes. Not to mention how the breeze tousled his curly brown locks. Mattheo was so appealing to the eye that he could easily be the physical form of a character from a book.

You sighed. Like you had a chance with Mattheo. You weren’t in any way like a main girl from a book. You didn't think you were that bad looking, but you weren’t no great beauty. You would say you are average. You chose clothing that was comfortable over fashionable. Your hair was tied up out of your way, though bangs framed your eyes. You were more aimed as a background character then the main female of any book you read.

Turning your gaze from the no chance in hell of a male before you, you went back to your book and enjoyed the afternoon of peace. Book’s may take you on a rollercoaster of emotions; but they would never let you down, never hurt you. They were safe, they were comfort to an antisocial body like you.

If you believed you couldn't be the main girl from any of the books you read, Mattheo thought the opposite. To him you were the central character. You may not have noticed but the Slytherin male noticed you and how you were always reading. Studying you he knew when you had reached a rather fascinating part of a book, for you would draw the book closer to your face, eyes moving slightly faster than normal taking in the words from the pages. Or when you had reached a more romantic moment, for you would have a soft smile upon your face while playing with the necklace around your neck. Or when you came to a sad moment, you would frown and look like you were ready to put the book down, but force yourself to read on.

Compared to the other girls that flirted, threw themselves at him or he could tell they were interested in him, you were a breath of fresh air. Mattheo knew you chose to keep your distance from people. He knew you didn't really have friends, but rather acquaintances. And it wasn’t a bad thing. Sometimes having to put time and effort into relationships was tiresome, and he had thought about taking a page from your book - no pun intended - sometimes.

Soon time passed and students began to head back inside and to their common rooms or dorm rooms, to discard their bags and get ready for dinner in the Great Hall. You finally stopped after a rather thrilling chapter, putting in your bookmark you put the book in your bag before getting up off the ground. After a quick stretch, you slung the strap of your messenger bag over your shoulder and headed back into the castle. The whole time not realizing the deep brown eyes that followed your every more. Or when the owner of the gaze followed you inside, his friends in tow.

There had been a few times Mattheo had had a chance to talk to you, but his nerves would always get the best of him and he would chicken out. Which was very unlike him. Everyone had this image about him. Confident, a little cocky, smartass, chaotic and a tad mysterious. But he honestly was far from most of those words. For the guy couldnt work up the courage to actually talk to you!

Eventually he lost sight of you when Draco Malfoy had called him over. Reluctantly Mattheo stopped and turned from you, though it was very hard to. The fellow Slytherin had informed him that the party in their common room was going ahead. The finer details had been sorted out, and Mattheo was advised to spread the word to anyone from the other houses. Part of Mattheo hoped you would show up to the party, but he wouldn’t hold his breath. For you hadn’t shown up to any recent parties, or really any of the parties thrown.

                                                          ~~~

Later that night in the Slytherin common room, the planned party was in full swing. Student’s were dancing to the loud music, and smuggled alcohol was being consumed. All in all it looked to be talked about for weeks to come. Everyone knew every house threw parties to try and outdo the other houses. And no one was complaining.

Mattheo was standing around with his friends, drink in hand while listening to a story he’d heard Merlin know’s how many times. But get alcohol in anyone’s system and they will say just about anything, all depending on their level of intoxication. He scanned the room, noting all the girls that were eyeing him off and smiling when his gaze rolled over them. But none of them were his little antisocial bookworm.

Though unbeknownst to Mattheo; you had been dragged to the party by none other than Pansy Parkinson. You may not call her a friend, but to her you were. As you were the only brutally honest girl in your year. And Pansy respected you for it. So she had pushed you to come to the party, attempted to get you out of your shell and try to make human contact and conversation. Besides being in a classroom and maybe the brief pass in a hall or meal breaks in the Great Hall, Pansy barely heard you speak. Many thought you were mute because of your lack of speaking.

“Pansy, really I was fine staying in my dorm” you said as the mentioned female held your arm and led you through the dancing bodies. “And did you really have to pick my clothes and do my hair!?”

Ah yes she had to give you a small makeover. Pansy not only wanted to do something nice for you, she also wanted to entice one Mattheo Riddle. Pansy may come off a tad vapid and self centered, but she could see the looks both you and Mattheo gave each other. So she thought a small push might be good for you both.

“You need to socialize. Books are good, but they can’t be everything Y/N/N” Pansy said, giving you a pointed look. “And it's a party, you need to wear something a little more out there”. You rolled your eyes at Pansy’s words.

You looked down at the long sleeved, slightly low cut v-neck top Pansy had picked, and matched with a simple corduroy mini skirt that had buttons down the front. Both clothing items paired with black ankle boots. It was more fashion forward then you are used to. But you decided to humor Pansy, throw her a bone. And with your hair out, cute pins holding the hair back from your face, you felt somewhat like the main girl from your books. Though you could laugh at that notion. You weren’t meant to be the lead.

“Hello boy’s” Pansy said after you both made it through the dancing students, and over to the Slytherin boy’s she hung out with.

Deep brown orbs looked up, shock shining in his eyes upon seeing the creature at Pansy’s side. Mattheo blinked a few times, making sure it wasn't the alcohol that had him seeing you before him. And dressed in something that wasn’t the school’s uniform or lackluster clothing he had seen you in around the castle or at Hogsmeade.

Then his deep brown eyes were met with soft Y/E/C eyes, and his breath hitched before taking it away completely. Never had your eyes met this close before. Sure across the hall or class room. But here you were standing before him, allowing him to see how crystal clear your eyes are. Let’s not forget that the reaction’s Mattheo was having was exactly the same as yourself. You had run over this kind of scenario in your mind, a small moment of fantasy to get you through the afternoon or night. But you had never thought it would ever happen, till this moment.

“Y/L/N? I almost didn't recognize you!” Draco said with a surprised laugh. Which made you shrink into yourself, that self conscious feeling creeping up.

“Oh Draco, be nice” Pansy said, wrapping her arm around you, making you stiffen up from the contact. “Y/N/N is a friend. Play nice”.

‘Friend…how foreign’ you thought, observing Draco and Pansy as they continue to converse.

Mattheo was doing his best to sit back at Draco’s comments. He might have been his friend, but the guy had no ability to read a room or a person. Right from you arriving at the group he could see how uncomfortable you were, how you moved from foot to foot with uncertainty that you should be there. How fish out of water you were.

The group continued to talk, Mattheo speaking only when spoken too. You not talking, keeping to yourself like always. You had moved to sit on the armrest of the couch, once Blaise Zabini said you could and he didn’t bite. Pansy saw the pointed glare Mattheo had given the male for that comment, and she couldn't help the smirk that crept on her face.

“Y/L/N, this is the first party you've come to this year, right?” Draco asked, and you nodded. “I’m surprised you’ve stayed in your room so much. But with your head in a book, it happens”. He laughed.

Mattheo’s fist clenched. He did not like anyone making fun of his bookworm. Downing the last of his drink, Mattheo did his best to keep down what he’d like to say to his friend. He rose from his seat, he decided to get you away from this situation, fueled by the alcohol in his system giving him the courage to do so.

“Y/N” he said, a strange but exciting word leaving his tongue, getting your attention. “Why don’t we get some drinks?” Mattheo asked, holding up his empty cup and silently saying let’s take a break from them.

“Okay…” you finally spoke, not hesitating to get up from the armrest, and moving to follow Mattheo. All the while Pansy watched on, the smile on her face growing with every passing moment.

You both moved over to a corner where the drink’s were situated. Putting down his own cup, Mattheo grabbed a clean cup for you, and proceeded to pour you both a drink. You stood beside him. Not sure what to do or say, just moving from foot to foot. Handing you a cup, Mattheo clinked your cups together before taking a sip from is, not once taking his eyes off you. You followed his lead and took a large gulp of the liquid, hoping it would help with your nerves from the fine specimen before you.

“Don’t listen to Draco” Mattheo started after swallowing his sip. “The guy doesn’t understand how to read a room. He’s full of himself” he finished with a small smile.

You felt your heart skip a beat at Mattheo's small smile, brown eyes focused on you and messy brown curls that were begging to have a hand run through, ever so enticing. The temptation to pinch yourself to make sure this was real, was strong but went against it. If this was a dream you didn't want to wake up. So far tonight was female lead level, not background character. Has the world finally gone mad? This didn’t seem plausible. But here you were. At a Slytherin party. Dressed like a cool kid, drinking and standing before the leading male character. Yeah, if this was a dream you didn't want to wake up.

“It’s hard to not listen to him,” you said looking at your drink. “I’m not exactly known for my social skills” you looked back at Mattheo with a small smile, that did a number on him.

He nodded, “still...don’t take it to heart”. It was your turn to nod your head. “Is your drink alright?”

You looked down at the cup of liquor before back up to the brunet before you. “Yeah, it's fine. Thanks”.

With drink in hand, you both reluctantly went back to Pansy, Draco and Blaise. Upon your arrival, you took to sitting on the couch next to Pansy, as Blaise had moved to sit next to Draco and converse. Mattheo took to sitting on the armrest next to you. You all sat there, conversation being made by the Slytherin friends. You sat there and observed them, being so close to people you had observed from afar was strange. Going from the onlooker, to the insider was new.

After a few more drinks, consumed by you and Pansy, said girl dragged you to dance. You had tried to dig your heels in and protest, but she didn't take no for an answer. You moved with the uncertainty and grace of a baby animal learning to walk. A total train wreck. But Mattheo thought it added to your quirky, cuteness. He watched as you slowly loosen up, and soon moved more freely, feeling the music. The liquor in your system was finally taking effect. You felt like you were floating as you moved around with Pansy, a small smile on your lips and an occasional laugh escaping your mouth.

Once you and Pansy started to get out of breath and tired, both made it back over to the boys. By now their group had gained three other people; two Ravenclaw girls and one Hufflepuff boy. You perched yourself on an armrest catching your breath and fanning yourself. All the while Mattheo never taking his eyes off you, unless entirely necessary.

“How about we play a party game” Pansy said, suddenly looking around the group. “Has anyone ever played suck and blow?”

A few answered they had, Mattheo being one of them. You on the other hand had not, nor any idea of what the game was. Thankfully both Ravenclaw girl’s didn't know what the game was either. So Pansy explained the game. Using a playing card, you had to pass the card around to another player only using your mouth, hence suck and blow. The goal is to make it around the circle without dropping the card; if it's one person or two that drops the card, they need to take a drink from their cup before trying again.

“Everyone understand?” Pansy asked, getting a playing card. Everyone nodded their heads. “Wonderful! Now let's move to sit in a circle.

You all moved to a decent space away from the dance floor. Pansy took charge and made sure it went boy, girl, boy, girl, etc. And making sure to put you and Mattheo next to each other, and sadly one of the Ravenclaw girls on his other side. When everyone was sitting, cups in front and ready to go. Pansy started it off going right, placing the card to her lips she sucked to hold the card in place before getting close to Draco to hand the card off to his mouth. As he came in and sucked, Pansy blew just enough so the card was passed off perfectly. Draco turned and handed off to the other Ravenclaw girl, who then passed off to Blaise. From there he passed onto the next Ravenclaw girl, she just managed to save the card from dropping, making everyone watch with bated breath. She passed the card onto Mattheo, who took it with ease. Then he turned to you, eyes looking directly into yours. He moved close and brought his card covered lips to yours. Thankfully you managed to somehow function and take the card from him. Though his scent, cigarettes and cologne hit you, dulling your sensors for a moment.

The first round would have been successful if the Hufflepuff guy, after getting the card from you, had been able to off load to Pansy. But their timing at pass over faltered, the card falling from them. And they both had to drink from their cups, all the while everyone else laughed. Draco commented she was lucky he didn't kiss her. Which sent your and Mattheo’s minds into thought. That could have been them. How close they would be to kissing. Mattheo had wished he had been tempted and dropped the card, his lips coming in contact with your own. He had always wondered what it would be like, what your lips felt like. He knew he had to do it, the liquor encouraging him to do so.

Draco started this time, passing the card onto Pansy, who then passed it to the Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff guy looked to be struggling, and Mattheo prayed his pass to you either was successful or it dropped and no lips touching. They were his lips, and only he would get your kiss. The hand off failed and the card fell, thankfully no lip colliding. Both you and the Hufflepuff guy took a drink. But when he tried again, he failed again and had no lip touch. Another drink from the alcohol before you both. Your head was starting to swim, you weren’t sure if you liked it or not. This time the hand off was successful, the group cheering with a laugh. Now you had to pass it to Mattheo. Your heart skipped a beat when his eyes met yours, the pointed gaze he gave you, it sent a shiver down your spine.

You moved in towards Mattheo, just as he moved towards you. You moved your arm, hand on the ground to brace yourself, and it brushed his leg just as you both came in close to pass the card to the other. Feeling your arm brush his leg caused Mattheo to lose his breath. The playing card falling from between you both, as you had just blown the card. Mattheo’s lips came into contact with your lips. Realization flashed across your eyes, that continued to look into the brown pools of Mattheo's. He noted your lips were soft, fitting perfectly with his own. Hearing the laughter and whistles from those around you, you pulled away from Mattheo, saying sorry and avoiding his gaze. He never took his eyes off you, more interested in watching you then playing the game or those around you both.

Pansy was grinning like the cat that got the cream. But then told you both to drink up, which you did, and then had to try again. This time you managed to hand off the card, making sure to avoid Mattheo’s gaze. Afraid that you’d falter and the card would fall, but would you both kiss again? You shook the thought from your head. The thought of kissing him made your stomach flutter with butterflies. Yes, you had fantasized kissing Mattheo. You never thought you would get too. But you did. Truly an experience that no imagination could get right.

After that round a few more people came over wanting to join the game so you opted out, a Gryfindor girl taking your place. You headed over to the drinks table and made yourself another drink, slightly on the stronger side. After kissing Mattheo you needed the drink. You drank your drink watching the group you had just been a part of. You watched Mattheo. He was laughing and enjoying himself. You watched as the Ravenclaw passed him the playing card, she was so close you know she'd gladly get in his lap. Then he turned, now passing the card to the Gryffindor girl, who you saw place her hand on his knee.

Reality washed over you in a harsh wave as you watched those before you. They were laughing, drinking and having fun. The dancing bodies across the room, lost in the music. It was all another life, part of the social scene. One which you knew you didn't fit into. The role of the observer, the outcast screaming in your mind. Part of you telling you that you didn't belong, that Pansy, Mattheo and their friends were humoring you, maybe you were some sick joke for their amusement.

Your breathing began to pick up with the thoughts running through your mind. Maybe you were a joke, a social experiment. Slytherins were known to be cruel. But a small part of you didnt believe Pansy would do that. You both had a mutual respect for the other after one time being in the girls bathroom after Potions class. Two Gyrffindor girls were making fun of Pansy. Unfortunately neither realized that said girl was in the stall next to you. Pansy casually opened the door while one of the girls was mid insult, upon seeing the Slytherin girl all words were lost and silence followed. Next there was the turn of a tap and running water, you gathered Pansy was washing her hands. As she dried her hands, that's when the Slytherin bared her fangs before striking, Pany's retort to what the gossiping girls was the brutalest you had ever heard. Without a word both Gyrffindor's hightailed it out the bathroom. You heard her sigh in frustration. And that was the moment you bumped the cubicle door.

"Who's there!? Come out!" She said in anger.

You exited the stall with hands up, showing no ill intention. Upon seeing you Pansy relaxed, leaning back against the sink. You slowly moved to the sink next to her, when you were sure she wasn't going to verbally abuse you, and washed your hands.

"I know everyone talks about me" Pansy said offhandedly. "I shouldn't play into their hands. But sometimes you have to stand up for yourself".

You nodded your head drying your hands. "I understand. If people are going to paint you as a villain, you might as well give them what they want" and with that you left the bathroom and Pansy.

You downed what was left in your cup before placing it on the table, that was it for the night. It was time to leave, time to take yourself back to your dorm room, where you could finally feel safe and secure. Time to discard the clothing that you wore and put on that that was familiar, trustworthy. You could take refuge in your bed, wrap yourself up in your blankets where no one would judge you, mock you. It was time to crawl back into the background, hide from the main stage and go back to being nothing more.

Mattheo had been playing the tedious game, making his friends happy. But he had been keeping an eye on you. Watching and gauging your every movement. He wondered what was going through your mind. Were you thinking about him, the kiss? Because he had been. It was just about consuming him. And fueled by alcohol he wanted to kiss you again, feeling the courage to do it. When both Ravenclaw and Gryfindor girls had got bold during that round of suck and blow, Mattheo decided to step away from the game, saying he was getting a drink.

Looking back to the drink table and you once he was up on his feet, Mattheo was confused when you werent there any more. He looked around, surely you couldn't have gone far. He spotted your back as you made your way towards the dancing students. Without another thought he went after you. He needed to check on you, make sure you were okay. Coming to a hallway he saw you slowly making your way from the common room.

"Y/N" Matheo called out to you. You stopped upon hearing your name but never turned to face him. "You okay?" He asked, walking closer to you.

You took a deep breath, trying to get your head to focus and form words. You were shocked someone had come after you, but you were in disbelief it was Mattheo. Said male came to your side, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Ah...yeah!" You said a little flustered. "Just heading to my room...all partied out…"

Mattheo nodded his head, though he didn't fully buy your answer. But he did not push it. He was grateful for this moment, for tonight. And wasn't going to ruin it in any way. Mattheo moved to lean against the wall of the hall, his eyes never leaving you. Maybe he was afraid if he looked away you'd be gone.

"You look good" Mattheo suddenly said, eyes roaming over you. "Not that you don't look good everyday! It's just nice to see you in something different!" He'd kick himself if he could. Tripping over his words.

You could feel the blush on your face from his words. Hearing what he had to say made your stomach flip. "Thank you…" you said softly.

Mattheo smiled at your words. "Did you have a good time tonight? Hopefully the party wasn't too boring" he laughed softly rubbing the back of his neck.

You looked up at Mattheo, your eyes meeting yet again. "It wasn't bad…" you started, pausing to think over your next choice of words. "It wasn't bad...just not something I'm used to. After all; I'm the recluse, antisocial bookworm haha".

He nodded. "I get it. But I'm glad you came" he said with a soft smile.

Those butterflies coming back in full force. Pushing off the wall, liquid courage taking over, Mattheo moved to stand before you. He pushed back your hair so it fell over your shoulder and down you back, his finger moving softly along your shoulder, softly caressing the small chain around your neck and finger tips running over the pendant of your necklace.

"I hope you'll come to the next party" he said breathlessly, his brown orbs drowning in your own. "Maybe you could even come to The Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer with us?" Neither of you were sure if he meant just the two of you or with him and his friends. But there was no clearing that up on his part.

"Sounds...good" you replied with a shaking breath.

Flashing you a bright smile Mattheo reluctantly dropped his hand and stepped back from you, allowing you both a chance to breathe. "I will say good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow. That I shall say good night till it be morrow", and finished with a slightly dramatic bow.

At first you were stunned. Letting his words and actions compute in your brain. Once it registered you blushed and laughed softly at his ode to a classic play that you read often.

"Goodnight Mattheo…" you said softly before turning from the Slytherin before you, and finally heading back to your room for the night.

                                                             ~~~

A/N: I’m open to constructive criticism haha. I’m thinking of doing a follow up one-shot, let me know what you think.

[v-67]

Completed watching Season 1 of Kimi no todoke

And I gotta tell you

The welling up of emotions that I felt from watching this anime, it was like, when I'm on a rollercoaster and it's going so so so fast and I feel like my heart's gonna burst away, it gave me that kinda feeling.

It made me smile and root for our girl Kuronuma.

And my favourite part within this anime is when something so obvious is pointed out, but the thing is you only get it when it's pointed out, for eg : when Kuronuma understands that by talking to them, her feelings will reach them, so she has to talk to them to make the misunderstandings go away

Her understanding of these things, slowly and steadily, makes me realise how in life, I usually don't communicate my feelings to people

It's easier to say I'm bad at expressing gratitude, because when someone does something for me, I feel an overwhelming sense of a positive emotion, and it's difficult for me to express that feeling by just thanking someone in an awkward stature, so I usually don't say anything. But it's important for me to express it, and learn to express things properly, not just gratitude, but also general communication. I always feel like I'm either intimidating or invisible, and people don't approach me, but I've never taken a part to improve that. So i'mma do that, and I'm also going to be a better person, I'm going to keep driving towards it.

My point was, that sometimes it's good to have a reminder of the most obvious things, so I'm here to remind anyone who's reading this, that reach out to people, and communicate your feelings. If there's a misunderstanding, talk to someone and they'll understand. Don't assume and sit with silence and solace. Express. And keep on expressing.

I also like how when Kurumi likes Shota and does what she does, the way Sawako deals with it, I have so much genuine respect and admiration for her honesty and the way she dealt with it, I know the character's portrayal is of trusting everyone and such, but sometimes I like it. I wish the real world could be such that we could trust people on their words and not question if they meant it or not. But yes, I loved the way Sawako was honest about not being able to support her rather than going along with it. It felt good. I also loved that she never saw her as an enemy, but rather just someone who likes the person she likes too, yes, she envied her a little, but she never really carried any hate. And it was just really sweet.

I also love how Sawako slowly unravels her feelings, sometimes I think things are rushed within the real world and the modern world is all about fast pacing, but the way Sawako ensures her feelings, and if she feels this way about Shota or everyone else, and her small steps towards figuring her own emotions out, and her being honest about her feelings and not brushing them off. I find that extremely beautiful. These feelings that she gave time and patience to understand, and nourish, I feel like it's what we should all be doing.

I also loved the part where Kuronuma looks up the term Rival in the dictionary and it translates to 'Likable Foe'

I also love love loved the part of Chizu and Toru and Ryu, that whole episode where Toru comes by to visit Chizu because Ryu called him, and the way things process down and the bond, it was very sweet and heartwarming.

And Shota as a character is just really really warm, and his nature, is very very kind. Manifesting a person like him for all of us, because sometimes all you need, is a person like him to give you a supportive push towards acceptance and understanding. A little support comes a long way, and I hope we can be that person and have such people in our lives.

I want to see more of Ayane, SHE MAKES ME LAUGH TOO MUCH, and she's so smart. I love it. I want to see how her story unravels in Season 2

I also find Pin very funny lol. That part of Kurume, and the part where he's just normally sick but calls Kuronuma because he thinks she is an exorcist was WAY TOO FUNNY lol

I actually would've written this post after completing the whole anime but my heart can't take it fr, it's too much. I feel so many warm and happy emotions, I feel like it'll explode. So idk if I'll watch season 2 anytime soon. Heart feels too much you know?

I'm supposed to be completing this one long anime, but I've taken a smol break since a few things happened and I've been watching short anime because I don't want to watch that one when I'm feeling down. I'm feeling better now so maybe I'll start watching it again. But I guess I'm just a little not ready for me to complete that anime or reach it's ongoing schedule.

[renton6echo]

Day 1 of 30 Days of The Bad Batch

Season 1, Episode 1: Aftermath

Alright. Let's dive into, probably, my favorite episode of the series so far. It's just such a great opening to the characters and the story. What a way to open a series right at Order 66. I just knew we were in for such a rollercoaster from the start of this show. Really, Order 66? That's where you're starting off the show? Force, have mercy on us all.

The biggest gem of this episode is that it's the only one we get where we get to see Hunter, Echo, Tech, Wrecker, and Crosshair just be a squad together. If I had my wish, I would have liked to have seen more of that before Crosshair and the rest of the batch split off. It was harder to see what the loss of Crosshair did to the team on an emotional and military tactics level. We didn't get much in the way of their team dynamic apart from Crosshair just being known as the surly, grumpy one. While I do love all the theories around how it was likely Echo who stepped into the role that Crosshair had like like being the peacekeeper between Tech and Wrecker's, it would have been nice to see more of that so we had an idea of what the Batch lost.

I've put my live musings of the episode under this thread for the sake of my followers. Sorry, not sorry!! Ya'll knew what you were getting into following me 👀

Not sure if anyone else is interested in doing this but if you're also re-watching TBB before the season 3 premiere be sure to tag all your musings in the #30 Days of The Bad Batch so I can read them!!

@floundrickthewayfarer @saturn-sends-hugs @the-bi-space-ace

First off, Captain Grey, I wish we had gotten to know you more before your chip activated because you seem like a sassy and salty man. I'm sure you and Rex swapped lots of stories.

Wee Kanan. I remember watching this the first time and having just finished Rebels. I saw and heard Kanan and literally said, "Oh, shit. Please no!! This is so mean." Good times. Good times.

So at what point did they realize they could use Echo's scomp as a melee weapon? It is so badass.

Oooff. That shot of the large canyon separating Kanan and Hunter that symbolizes the break between clone and Jedi *chefs kiss*

I really wish we had more scenes take place in TBB's barracks. So many fun details to dissect.

Will never get over Tech's matter-the-fact "My exceptional mind." Legend.

LOL. Echo's put-out expression when Wrecker notes how ugly Palpatine is! I've never noticed that.

Wonder how well the clones are informed in intergalactic politics. Echo seems to have a real knowledge of the larger political nuance more than the others. He is the first to openly question clones as soldiers of the Empire versus the Republic. I assume the Kaminoans would not have spent a lot of time educating clones on political structures and more on just being compliant with the system they were born into. For most clones, the transition from republic to empire is more or less just a name change, but Echo clearly takes issue with the implications.

Battle simulation time! Honestly, I could watch a whole series of clones just bantering and comming each other in battle. Such a fun, creative way to learn about characters and see them interact with each other. Wrecker and Tech sniping at each other is the best thing ever.

ALSO, Hunter why you whistling at them? You got comms for a reason you dramatic punk.

The implication that Crosshair also cried after seeing a fully stocked armory is just...I need that footage.

I never noticed that most, if all the weapons the Onderon insurgents have are Republic-issued.

Omega liking the batch's smelly barracks? Yeah, she's one of them.

Freaking Tarkin. I'm assuming he was just going to fry all their brains to make the whole batch compliant. Ugh. Poor Crosshair.

Oh, Shock troopers. Worst jobs with the worst rap. Do you think we will get to see Commander Fox in the last season? 🤞🏽

"You were down!" Echo has the best sense of humor.

[chanstopher]

Hi! Im sorry to bother you 😭 but the last two days have been a rollercoaster of emotions and I usually don't really keep up with the drama so I can't tell if this whole situation is normal or not lol

Also I totally understand if you're done talking about it, so feel free to just ignore this 🙏

I just can't get rid of the feeling that it's all being handled in a weird way, it's pretty obvious that it is the company that pushed this decision, Chan basically said it himself in that fansign video. And while I agree with ppl that it might be a good thing for chan to take a break from chans room but I don't get why is it done so poorly. He hasn't mentioned chans room since june and he's the only member that hasn't gone live lately...

Wouldn't be easier for everyone including jype, chan and stays, if Chan said smth like chans room will come back someday or that it won't come back, maybe say that he's busy and taking a break. Today he had to spend the entire day sending cryptic messages on bbl, now he clearly wants stays to stop bringing attention to it, but without any answers ppl are still going to speculate about it yk? Basically, I don't see how this way of handling everything benefits anyone, especially Chan, cuz there are already ppl blaming him...🥲 Sorry for ranting 😭

sadly when it comes to kpop we very rarely get clear answers. back in june chris posted on bubble saying he wasn’t able to do it for the foreseeable future. i think we all assumed that meant a little while but between the bowing thing and how stays and the other fandom have reacted on top of just how insane the boys schedule has been i’m not surprised he’s at a point where channies room isn’t so possible. it does suck and it’s hard to tell what the real reason is, my guess is a combination of a lot of things, as to why it’s gone but i think it’s going to be one of those things we have to just accept. if and when chris finds the time or ability to do it again it will happen. if not it’s truly sad but chris has honestly been too busy for it for years now but has put the time in anyway and i think he’s been holding himself to the promise longer than he should have. channies room has always been my favorite part of the week, but if he needs to stop it’s just something we have to respect.

also jype is literally just always garbage at announcing or keeping fans informed of anything. after how they never talked about hyunjins hiatus or let the meme era talk about him at like all during that time i expect nothing from that company to be presented well unless it’s making them money lmao

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hello!! I saw you were doing match ups and that's so cool! I was hoping to participate if that's okay! Could I possibly get both male and female matchup? No poly please !

I'm nonbinary but i am physically fem, 5'5, with a bright red mullet that's like sorta grown out? Soft looking. My fashion sense tends to vary depending on my mood. Goth one day, cottagecore the next type of thing. One thing that's always a constant is my spiky earrings, kinda like the Fangs preset from the game! Necklace and my two bracelets. If I ever take them off I feel disgusting and off

Positive personality traits wise, I'm caring and selfless. I tend to be pretty cheerful and optimistic, goofing off. I think I'm smart? The most basic things tend to confuse me but then I'll bust out some complex knowledge lmao. I'm pretty creative too! I create stuff out of basically trash lol. I made a whole shield and sword sheath from recycled cardboard once.

Negative traits wise, I'm overly selfless, tending to put others before me. I'm very forgetful but thats cause of adhd. I can be messy and far too loud. Oblivious to a lot of things. I'm a big scaredy cat too which makes it hard to enjoy some stuff. I also tend to hide my negative emotions

My love language is definitely quality time and gift giving. Heavy on gift giving.

I have all kinds of hobbies but I'm not particularly good at any of them. Like video games, writing, arts and crafts, painting. And active stuff too like skateboarding. But uh. To be completely honest my main hobby is just sleeping forever lmfao

Likes: savory foods, coffee, aesthetic stuff, all kinds of animals, dressing up, reading, anything adrenaline inducing like rollercoasters, rainstorms

Dislikes: i cant eat any kind of fish/seafood I will gag, spiders, snakes, being vulnerable, people being mean (I seriously don't understand how people can be mean), the dark especially if I'm alone

Thank you so much! I hope that wasn't too much- or that I missed any requirements lol. Have a great week!!

A/N: Okay, for you @lord-westley … I’m thinking for romantic matchups your best bets would be… Gale (Male) and Karlach (Female)! 

Gale is a great match for you, as he’s quite similar personality wise. He’s kind and selfless; smart but also somehow clueless? He’s got a good spirit, and an old soul. He wants someone he can share his life with, and thinks you’re just the person to do that with. 

He thinks you look fierce, for real, he’s almost intimidated by how good you look, especially your hair. It’s bright and bold and something he’d never have the courage to try. It suits you, and it makes him feel all the more special for being with you. 

His style is fairly consistent, and he’s not the most fashion savvy, but he does appreciate a good look when he sees one. Be prepared for a bunch of horrible puns, and awkward attempts at flirtatious compliments. He wants to tell you how much he loves your look, it’s just that it comes off wrong more often than not. Please don’t be mistaken- he really does think you look great. It’s just that loving words aren't his strong suit. 

He loves how caring and selfless you are. He quite admires your capacity for compassion. He likes to think of himself as selfless, but he’s also aware that’s not the truth. But for you, it is. And he’s so honored someone as pure and kind hearted as you would choose him as your partner. 

He’s also very grateful you’re smart. At least, that you’re smart enough to sort of get some of what he says about magic. He has a tendency to infodump, and he really likes it when you make comments or ask questions that let him know you’re listening. And your creativity, good heavens! He’s so impressed. He thought as a wizard, he’d be able to think outside of the box, but his imagination is no match for yours. Thanks to your builds and use of garbage, he’s starting to rethink the way he goes about spell casting and brewing potions. Your perspectives are actually helping make him a better wizard. 

He does worry that you’re too selfless, though. He’s been used by powerful beings before, and he’d hate to see you get hurt similarly. If he thinks someone is taking advantage of your kindness, he won’t hesitate to bring it up to you. He just wants you to know your time and effort has value, and it should never be taken for granted. 

He’s understanding when it comes to your fear. He thinks it's rather healthy to be afraid, especially of death. It shows you have a lust and respect for life. He’s glad you understand the enormity of what it means to live, because he wants you to protect your life so that the two of you can grow old and gray together. 

He will give you gifts! A lot of them are favors done via spells, but a good amount of them are physical presents. (Many of which may have previously been magic items that have since had their magic drained, but hey! It’s the thought that counts, right?!)

He loves savory foods! He can’t wait to show you his extensive wine cellar and kitchen in his tower in Waterdeep, and feed you his especially _ sauce. It’s full of flavor, it’ll knock your socks right off! 

He may not be a huge fan of adrenaline inducing activities: he much prefers the safe mental exercise of a good book. But he will join you on occasion, so long as you promise him it’s mostly safe. (He may or may not ask Shadowheart to cast Guidance on the two of you before you leave, but then again, he’s just covering his bases!)

Thanks to his arcane knowledge, you’ll never be in the dark. He can conjure light to ensure you’re not afraid. And he vows to always be by your side, so long as you’ll have him, protecting you, just as you protect him. 

Karlach is also a great match for you! She’s a very upbeat person, and she loves your loud and creative energy, it makes her feel like you can keep up with her and match her own outgoing personality. 

She loves your style, especially the bright red hair. That is her color after all. And she’s obsessed with all the new looks you combine and create. Everyday she’s basically shouting at the other members of your party, ‘Come look at how hot/cute my partner looks!’. It’s a bit over the top and embarrassing at first, but she means it in the best, most sincere way. If you ask her to stop, she’ll stop. But otherwise, be prepared for compliments, like ALL of the time. 

She loves goofing off with you, pulling pranks and just having a little fun in between missions. She’s a firm believer in taking breaks- it keeps you sane. She’s fairly intelligent too, I mean, she’s not a scholar or anything, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders and so do you. 

She thinks it’s incredible how you can make something totally new out of garbage, or old unwanted scraps. It’s both your resourcefulness and creativity she finds impressive. 

She has no problems with your being messy or loud, even if other people might. If they have an issue with it, she’ll join in, and make it a point to be messier and louder than you. And if anyone still has a problem, she’ll take care of it for you. She’s a big strong woman, and she understands how scary confirmation can be. She does her best to make the world around you a little less frightening. 

Kalrach strikes me as someone who would enjoy doing almost any hobby outside of being forced to fight. I mean, she also really loves a good battle, but she’s down for basically whatever. She’s so ready to try everything- to make up for all the time she missed down in Avernus. She’ll do anything or go anywhere with you. She’s especially excited for any adrenaline inducing activities. As a Barbarian, she is 100% there. No questions asked. Also the idea of skateboarding blows her mind. (Pretty sure that doesn’t exactly translate to DND, but if there was anyway in Faerun willing to ride a board with little wheels up and down steep hills or ramps, she’d be your girl.) 

Even though she’s adventurous, she’s also cool with just chilling- taking some time to enjoy your company. She thinks you’re adorable when you sleep, and can’t help but want to take naps with you, so long as her engine is fixed enough, and you don’t mind being warm. 

She’s fine with you not eating seafood, it’s not that big of a deal to her. You like what you like, right? And she gets that spiders can be pretty creepy- especially the ones in the Underdark. She promises to never make you visit there, and should any of those creatures try and get you topside, don’t worry, she won't let them lay a hand on you. 

Despite being a fierce fighter, she’s got a heart of gold. She hates bullies, and people who abuse others. She knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that, and it feels awful. She’d never want you to feel that way. So gods help anyone in Baldur’s Gate who tries and bullies you for whatever reason. They’ve just got themselves a _ tiefling to answer to. 

Karalch thinks you’re wonderful, and so sweet. You’re precious to her and she promises to protect you. You make her so happy. She’s so glad she’s met you. 

...

I hope you like it!

...

Please Like & Reblog!!!

&

Happy Halloween!!!

[wackpedion]

1 12 30

YIPPEEE ok so

1.) Favorite Game?

SUPER DANAGRONPA 2: GOODBYE DESPAIR BY FAARR. the writing is the peak of the series, the mysterys and murders set up r amazing, chapter 2 with pekos and fuyuhikos relationship is so emotionally striking and not to mention the never-before-done attempted execution interruption LIKE that was just so cool. And then there are the characters and their relationships in general, it feels more of them are friends as opposed to like THH, they grieve and fight for each other. NAGITO IS ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS he is so well written and absolutely fascinating, and his relationship with Hajime is so gripping. CHAPTER 5 WAS SO GOOD the convoluted mystery, the emotional rollercoaster near the end, and once again THE MYSTERY whether it be how the murder was done, the intentions, and also what he found out etc. etc. WHICH LEADS INTO CHAPTER 6 BEAUTIFULLY DONE CHAPTER the way it confuses and throws the player through a whirlwind as reality falls apart and makes you question everything, hands you all these pieces, and in the trial itself THE TWIST AND TURNNSSS from finding out they're in a virtual reality, that they're the remnants of despair, Makoto turning out not to be actually Makoto, BUT THEN THE PREVIOUS SURVIVORS DO TURN UP FOR REAL, and then there's the whole Izuru Kamukura thing its. just so good. Not to MENTION how the whole thing ends and its themeing and messaging, that the future is what we make of it, and that all we can do is try etc. etc. PEAK DANGANRONPA GAME NO CONTEST I personally hold DRV3 closer to my heart but SDR2 is undeniably the best to me

12.) Least Favorite Unused Execution?

Ohh that's an interesting one. They're all kinda banger I think, but also my memory isn't the best. I think I'll go with Hifumi's as my least favourite

30.) Smartest Murder Plan?

HARD QUESTION esp going off of memory..... I THINK it has to be Nagito because like. dude literally had them cornered it was scheme upon scheme of making it look like a suicide when REALLY it was a murder he orchestrated on himself except NOBODY KNEW who the murderer was not Nagito not even the murderer themself and the only reason they made it out was because they took a guess that he was targeting someone, specifically the traitor, and the traitor outed themselves for the sake of everyone else.

Also I was tempted to say Mondo at first cuz the onlyyy fukn reason he got caught was his slip-up, but there kinda was. no plan. he committed the crime on impulse lol

[alyszaen]

TW depresso espresso and mentions of offing thyself I guess??

I think I forgot to take my meds this morning.

I feel the difference.

Which is good on one hand because hey that means they work!

But bad on the other because feeling like this again after a month of feeling okay and not...apathetic...is weird. Is this what I felt like every day? God how did I even make it this far if this was how hard it was every day for 11 years. Liek seriously I am not sure how I am still alive. How did I keep going. For 11 years. When almost every day felt like this. I am having a few HOURS feel like this bc I forgot to take my meds and it already feels horrible. Like where's the next bridge fuckers lemme yeet

DW guys I won't do anything stupid. When I wake up tomorrow I'll make sure to take my meds (and if I don't I'm sure I'll wake up to a message from one of my moots reminding me to do so)

I'm just realizing how hard things were for me.

God I am strong. I am so strong to go through this without any help for such a long time. I am genuinely a strong person.

And so are you, bitch, that is reading this to trigger themselves. I know at least one of you fuckers is doing it for that reason. So trust me when I say: It's been 11 years for me. I've been depressed since 3rd grade. And it can be better. You're so fucking strong for going along this far.

I never chose to be strong, you know? I remember people telling me "wow you're so strong for going through this" or "ah it'll be fine" and it just always made me mad. But they were right. I never chose to have to be strong. But unfortunately I did. I didn't want to be strong. But I was. And now I'm here. An amazing work offer headed my way, 4 amazing close new friends that I love so fucking dearly, a new hobby, a new confidence.

No more "fake it till u make it". I made it. I don't need to fake it anymore. It's real now.

Well wasn't this post a whole rollercoaster of emotions lol

Aly out

[bourbon-ontherocks]

okay now for the meat of the matter (the seitan of the matter?) 🪥🪥🪥 oh, what an ep. what an ep. it was pretty much PER-FECT. excitedly talking about their date in hushed tones. morgane’s gift. le numéro de charme de mr. worldwide (you loved that bit, didn’t you 👀). adam opening up! and, yeah, the kiss--wherever he is, I know sofiane is smiling upon them, glad to have played a (weird) part in his brother getting some action, lmfao. (btw, little brother confirmed!! yay!!) 

morgane’s betrayal, aouch aouch aouch 😍 she hated every second of it and it still came back to bite them in the ass. wonderfully angsty 💙💜 the way adam’s face falls when he figures it out, AURGH!! the fact she sabotaged their perfect date to protect serge the only way that wouldn’t make her, in adam’s eyes, Un Nid À Problèmes who needs constant assistance--and in the end her worst fear comes true--yet adam takes it upon himself to protect serge (and morgane by extension) because he may hate her guts but he can’t to that to her--she asks him not to as a last-ditch effort to show she doesn’t want to use him and aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! I died many times over the course of this show but that time was for real, absolultely perfect, elle n’a jamais voulu le blesser mais c’est terminé, morgane !!!!!!!!  

thank fuck I died there and then actually because, hum. you know. let’s bask in the warm glow of brosse adam one last time and remember the rollercoaster of emotions they’ve taken us on 🥲

Lol, took me a while to understand why you were turning the meat into seitan but then I couldn't stop laughing, this is incredibly appropriate 😅

So. Yeah.

I'm not sure I have anything else to add to everything you said, because Brosse Adam's arc in this episode was. perfect. ❤️❤️❤️

(which makes it even more infuriating that they ruined the absolute, beautiful perfection of what would have been otherwise my favourite episode in the entire show in its last two minutes but I'll get to that in my next post)

I loved how cute and excited they were about the date, I loved Morgane's gift and the way Adam is already projecting onto seeing her kids more often ("ça va être pratique pour votre famille, ça" -> oui tu penses à quoi Adam, dis-nous tout ? 😏), I loved the almost kiss although I rolled my eyes a little about Mehdi Nebbou's blatant linguistic brag (what makes you think I'd love that bit? 😂 Although I can tell that @earanie understandably lost her shit about it, I remained much quieter than during the actual kiss lol. Oh by the way, Adam's line in Italian means "But Morgane, if you keep asking me such questions I'm gonna kiss you" if you didn't have it yet, and also I want to add that IL L'A VOUVOYÉE EN ITALIEN AUSSI 😱 while as far as I know, the formal you is less used in Italian than in French, especially in this context, ce mec me tue 🤦), I loved the nachos nonsense (was it supposed to be a dish or just appetizers?), I loved that he opened up indeed (also "on va jouer à un jeu [...]" "Je déteste ça." "Ok super" 😂😂😂), c'est le retour du nouvel Adam 🥲

What did you think about Sofiane's backstory? I know you weren't very into the idea of Adam being too tied with it re cheap guilt etc, personally I find that it's a bit much, but also you can tell that Adam is feeling unreasonably guilty about it.

Speaking of which. Sofiane broke his back while Adam was "kissing [his] first girlfriend" which must have cast a very dark shadow over EVERY relationship he's had ever since 😱 I can imagine that this is where his fear of intimacy comes from, and also he must have had a sense of shame and guilt dooming his whole love life, not to mention that he used to LIVE with Sofiane, can you imagine bringing a girl home and having to literally face what happened the very first time you did that? This man for sure has a taste for emotional torture 😏

Also, vous aussi vous mettez votre plus grand trauma comme mot de passe de votre PC pro ou c'est juste lui ? Asking for a friend... 😆

(and I never doubted the younger brother thing, Sofiane does look more juvenile than Adam)

Now the Kiss™... If I start talking about it we're still there by midnight, but phewwwwww, it was EVERYTHING ❤️😍😱🥵🔥🙊 Morgane can bear triplets in season 4 for what I care, as far as I'm concerned, the show ended after they kissed and she betrayed him. Period.

So, the betrayal. Screeching along with everything you said because DAMN YES, it hurts so bad but it's so perfectly angsty, and the fact that he still protects her in the end because HE STILL CARES, her asking him NOT TO, the way you can tell the break-up hurts them BOTH so bad, the IRONY of Morgane trying not to ruin things by actually ruining them, I'm sorry I'm just parroting you at this point but 🥹🥹🥹🥹 And also the line that shattered my heart, "J'avais tellement envie que ça marche entre nous" -> SHE'S OPENLY ADMITTING THAT SHE WANTS A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM OH MY GOD IT WAS NICE KNOWING Y'ALL BUT NOW I'M GONNA DIE BYE ⚰️⚰️⚰️

As far as I'm concerned, the season ends with Morgane being dragged away by a fireman. Hospital who?

🤡🤡 What an amazing, heart-wrenching season finale we had guys, I can't wait to see how they'll try to mend their relationship in season 4!! Also, the stakes must raise so maybe they'll finally hookup too! 🤡🤡

[mercurydancer]

Hi! It’s the same anon as the rollercoaster anon! (I’m SO sorry I didn’t realize you answered my ask so long ago lol oops :’’’)) First off let me just say your depiction of Maul is 100% my favorite because you actually let him feel emotions other than “heh I’m so evil and mean nyeh >:)” he has depth and is humanized (sentient-ized?) in a way that makes him feel really real/like an actual person and that isn’t present in a lot of other depictions of him. So thank you for that.

Let me just say this whole thing really just warmed my heart. Ahsoka giving the Senate puppy dog eyes until they said yes to the theme park idea is sending me. I completely forgot about Mechu Deru and that Maul’d probably know every turn of that track well in advanced, but I’m glad he could at least enjoy Feral and Savage’s reactions. Feral clowning Maul on his height made me WHEEZE. The loving/teasing headbutts were just *chef’s kiss* any aspect of domestic/normal Zabrak (and other SW species) life is just beautiful :’) The clones, the kittens, the other Nightbrothers, the Jedi ugh I’m glad they could enjoy the fireworks all together! This is literally so heartwarming and “feel good”-y I can’t, thank you :’)

LOL Hey~ No problem! I agree, if you're not looking at ship fics there's a LOT of desire to make Maul very one-note. Which. Is very boring. I read too much legends material LOL. Lockdown and Wrath were too integral to the way I write Maul. As well as the show, certainly, but there's a lot of his personality and honor system that's found in both of those books that I tend to utilize. Shadow Hunter to a much lesser extent. Anything that doesn't realize man's like. 5'9 and nowhere *near* two meters is immediately suspect, just sayin'.

I'm also really glad you enjoyed it LOL I had a lot of fun and I'm glad you did, too~

[jackinalex]

new chapter was an emotional roller coaster in the best way!! It was heartbreaking to hear how worthless Alex felt and how no amount of praise made him feel worthy or redeemable. I was so happy that there finally seemed to be a breakthrough in that Jack finally accepted his feelings for Alex in an honest way that really shows that they are real and that maybe their is something there worth fighting for. I’m excited to read Alex’s reaction. I want them to live in this little bubble of bliss forever but I know it can’t last he eventually has to return to Caitlin. Why do you hate me and want to rip my heart?

Thank you for the kind words! An emotional rollercoaster was exactly what I was going for hahaha. Alex was breaking my heart, too. Beau really did a number on him. :( But Jack is determined to make him feel whole again. Their little bubble is certainly not going to last lol, but I thought it would be nice to give you guys a long chapter of that bubble. And Caitlin is definitely still looming in the background. I don’t hate you, but I do love to make people suffer with my writing. 😈

[castlebyersafterdark]

your comments about acting intimacy are so interesting. unrealistic porn is so different because its very staged and all about the performance and good angles, not about connection or intimacy, and so for the actors, those things won't be present either.

but in dramatic acting (or anything non porn) then the aim IS to create this connection thats believable, and actors will often say that if there is no natural chemistry (meaning genuinely getting lost in what the character is feeling), then it must be summoned - which means you bring or find the connection, and hopefully still a real one. if that fails, you have to fake it, and at this point the whole film is probably a dud, let alone the intimate scenes. just like any well-acted scene, the actors are going to get a little blurring of the lines, because they would aim to get lost in character. of course you can see how this becomes trickier to speak about in press etc as an actor when it comes to sexual scenes rather than, for example, a rollercoaster or biking down a hill, for which there is no shame or implication (or even nasty legal repercussions) in the enjoyment of.

but if you look at the way some actors have spoken about filming sex or intimacy, they can be quite honest, and much more often with european filmmakers actually. i think of the open and truthful environment luca guadagnino created for call me by your name, where the actors clearly had some sort of love affair, emotional most likely, and also admitted to becoming besotted. you even have the guy from its always sunny in philadelphia admitting to enjoying the kiss with his costar on a US chat show, in front of said costar (who also enjoyed it apparently!) and her husband, who is also an actor and writer for that show lol!

so it takes this trust and intimacy within the film cast and crew to get there. you said it's bodies on bodies at the end of the day, which is true, but think of how sometimes even in your own privacy as a non-actor there are mental blocks that can stop sexual enjoyment happening frustratingly. so on set, i would imagine that even with a costar you were attracted to, it might even be harder, because there would be the sense of not wanting to be discovered in a moment that you secretly want to enjoy. (which lends itself nicely to your fantasy trope of a showmance occuring behind the scenes...)

and lastly, 'being professional' tends to refer to how the actors treat and judge each other in these extremely vulnerable moments rather than saying they aren't enjoying a scene - many might well do! it's just whether or not you as the viewing public would ever discover the trith of that. being professional usually refers instead to how you respect your costar if they get an accidental boner (rather common actually - and as you said, the mind knows its acting, but the body doesnt), and how you acknowledge their acting choices because they are performing intimacy as their character, not themselves. this divide allows for trust and freedom on set, when you feel comfortable enough to get vulnerable and try new creative things as an actor, and i think most 'shameful' or 'negative' emotions (despair, crying, etc) would require the same level of trust and safety for actors to really let loose and Go There.

i have acted before and the thrill of getting lost in a scene with a partner is like nothing else - to become another person momentarily is drug-like, and sometimes you actually black out and come to after a scene and can't remember what happened (you can see why trust and safety is paramount!). i will say though, that actors are a certain kind of person, the worst aspect of them being a need for attention, which is very human, but when it's an intense need, it can lead to an atypical life: being an actor! it's a very unusual life, very up and down, very vulnerable, and it can create greatness and also destroy. actors are strange wonderful folk.

and with byler, who are the elephant in the room of this post lol, because they began young, its a different kettle of fish and i would say unprecedented actually. the only likeness to ST is harry potter, and as we know, that never became sexual or featured such overt sexual themes. noah was a trained actor but has not trained as an adult actor as far as i know, but i think he is wonderfully left-field and Up For Anything, with a real dedication to acting itself. As for finn, he wanted to be behind the camera, and ended up in front of it on the way there, so i think his approach is a little less sure of himself, and he said as much in that hot wings interview where he wishes he could have some of that childish confidence back from the early seasons. Let's hope the duffers create a trusting and safe environment so they can let loose. I'm sure that knowing each other so well will either 1) make it too awkward to get right or 2) make it super easy, natural and safe. I reckon the latter, because the chemistry so far has always been fantastic and i think they will just go for it.

But personally, my pipedream is seeing them both star in some kind of european or alternative title, something very dramatic and bold, maybe a period piece, with a director like guadagnino who truly understands sensuality and how to foster trust on a film set, and pulls fantastically erotic performances out of all his stars.

This is all so interesting and expands on a lot of things I wish I articulated better! Super insightful. While I'm heavily interesting in the 'technical' aspects of film-making, the cerebral, emotion-driven acting part eludes me. It's never been in my real knowledge base. Never acted and I never felt the drive to pursue it, but have been involved in other parts. There's so much to consider with performing - I didn't want to make total assumptions on how the process works and how actors really feel about this portion of filming, but that's so interesting about how some might really get so deep into the performance/portrayal that you kind of become that character for scenes, etc. Which I guess leads into the method acting style, which is quite a bit more extreme, but I'm sure on a micro-method level that's how a lot of acting happens. Very interesting.

Heavily agree with your point at the end there. It would be really intriguing to see either Finn or Noah involved in a much more niche and lesser scale film, able to tap into emotions and acting scenarios way beyond the mega-blockbuster wide-audience appeal of a netflix powerhouse. I think under the right direction they could make something really beautiful and engaging. Especially since you can already see what they bring to ST is on a bit of an elevated level as needed for the particular roles they are portraying. Much to think about....

[pinkpenguin12401]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

April 28th, 2024

Today was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

It started with my congregation's sermon. I was really happy to be back, although I use Zoom for it, due to not being able to get there in person. ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ I woke up on time, and I took a whole sheet of paper's worth of notes. It was on marginalized communities, and what we can do to be better people. Next week's sermon will be more of a discussion on that. I'm thinking about joining my congregation's book club and choir. We'll see. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Some of my friends think I am too involved in my congregation because I'm always going to the socials and whatnot. I didn't go to today's social hour because I had too much to reflect on in my journal. (¬_¬")

Then, I went and cleaned out our fridge. As you may have seen in my last post, my mom went ballistic about it ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡!

But she calmed down about an hour later and dragged me out to pick up dinner with her at Burger King. I had a chicken sandwich heck yeah. ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ She didn't apologize, but her way of apologizing was always giving me food or something. It is toxic, but what can I do? I've asked her for real apologies, and that turns into a fight, so I have to pick and choose my battles.

I did my Duolingo and math stuff today, I only did some previous lessons, because I was too tired emotionally.

( ͡ಥ‿ ಥ)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ . What counts is that I tried.

There are baby birds outside of my house, and they recognize my voice! (I said hi to them once, and well, now they know who I am), I got to see their whole heads today. My one friend says they look ugly, but they're so beautiful. So very beautiful. (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ I took a picture, but only two of them are visible, there are three baby birds. I think their parents trust me because usually, they come flying aggressively towards my parents when they go near the nest, but if it's me the parents leave to go get more food. Do I have magic powers with animals now? Cool.

꒰ঌ( •ө• )໒꒱

I have to go figure out my goals for this week, and then go draw for a bit. I've been drawing only circles and lines today, maybe as a warm-up, I don't know. My sketchbook is falling apart though. Cheap Michael's sketchbooks for the win LOL! (❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡. And maybe I'll go play more of the Sims 3, I really like it so far. I like having a horse walk around my backyard in it. LOL! 🫏

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

[littlelambdrgnfly]

hey there! I've been reading one of John's biographies lately and besides the whole childhood being such an emotional rollercoaster (baby! let me hold him!) one bit mentioned how Mimi wouldn't let him see any inappropriate/adult cinema, just Disney films like snow white or bambi, and it made me think of you wanting to show him pixar movies! I think he'd be hesitant/antagonistic at first but quickly find them familiar and comforting. most likely it would sort of unlock a nostalgia he'd either forgotten about or pushed away, and I'm sure before long he'd be so into them and begging to see more. (: anyways hope you're doing okay, with everything!

He was such a precious little child, I want nothing more than to give him a million hugs! 😭 Honestly, he definitely comes off like someone who wasn’t allowed to see much growing up because my parents were the same way lol. If you want to see the more adult stuff, you’ll find a way, and then you’ll start acting far too grown, or at least that was my experience. I always loved Pixar though, I was never too cool for Pixar! I think most people love Pixar, but I have a feeling that John would have been obsessed. 🥰 I also think he would have loved the Simpsons, and it’s a real shame he’s the only Beatle who never got to be on it.

[zepskies]

😂😂 SP is not for the faint of heart lol. (Also I just like to give warning for my nerdiness), but I know you're a fellow Eng Lit. major and so you'll appreciate my literary references. ❤️

Douchecanoe has in fact entered the chat. I don't blame you for being livid lmao. I'm diving in!! 🙏🏽

I wish you could see the face I made when I read this, but it was pretty much 😒😒😒

Again, I don't blame you at all. 🤣 It's that classic feeling of, "no one wants you here."

Beau def let Michael know right away where he could stow his "polite handshake."

THE AUDACITY!!!! I gasped! What are you? Delusional? Do we need to 51/50 you????

Oh TOTALLY delusional with a side helping of audacity -- like he thinks they were on a break or something...

LOL I'm glad you loved her comeback though! Only an English major. 💅

Gah, I hate this! What a manipulative ass to put her in that situation! Of course, she doesnt want to discuss this in front of her new friends 😬

Ikr? He's such an asshole. 😪😪

Omfg I LOVE Anastasia. A1 gif lol. But also, what she would've loved to do to Michael in that moment:

Every line that came out of his mouth was skeevy, and it actually annoyed me to write him. 🙃🙃

But I loved everything that came after! Cassie bringing her tequila, Jenny offering her help, and of course, Beau *swoon* 🥹🫶

Oh she needed that tequila lol (and another). I think all of them would've been ready to jump into that situation for her (especially Beau 😘).

Yeah, that was great! 🤣 That was the point in the show when I really started to get annoyed by Avery and his whiny ass lmao I loved how you described those scenes by the way and provided the inner monologue for Beau! It's so awesome not only to see his emotions but to read them as well!

Ugh this was the point where I was fucking done with Avery's bougie ass for real. When he said "my family," I was like 😨

But thank you so much!! That was the fun part of rewriting this scene -- trying to capture Beau's emotions in all of this, him trying to contain his frustration and rage at this man's audacity. lol

Hahaha damn he pissed her off! 😂 (And I love the callback to his little comment in the beginning when he still hoped he'd never meet her angry side lol) And you brought the old clam back! 👏👏👏

Oh he definitely did this time. 😂 I'm so glad you liked that little comeback, and especially of "old clam." 🤣🤣 (I low-key loved that line.)

You guys are driving me nuts! It's called "liking each other." Google it. Stop messing around and make out already. You both want to 😝 (I think I'm still upset over that whole Michael annoyance and lashing out. I apologize... kinda 😂🙈)

😂😂 Ikr?? They keep tap dancing around each other and it's enough. Don't apologize, girl, I know what you mean. You just want to smoosh their faces together.

Mmmh, yeah, like kindergartners tugging on pigtails 😆

Ha! Exactly. Good ole' Much Ado. 😂

And I know I used waaay too many gifs in this part, but like I stated in the beginning I was livid and ahd to express myself. I channeled it into gifs. You're welcome 🤣

Ahaha no worries, hun, I love it so much!! I'm kinda "sorry not sorry" Michael frustrated you so much? 🫣 He's definitely an audacious SOB who needs to get his ass handed to him. And he's going to push his boundaries to the max in Part 6. 😬

Such an exciting and fantastic part! I honestly love to get upset while reading and yell at characters. I had so much fun during this 😅🫶

Thank you so very much!! 🥹💕 I'm glad you're upset with the characters and not me -- and that the rollercoaster ride was still a fun one! 🤣🤣

I so hope you enjoy the next part. I think Part 6 was my favorite chapter to write. 💗

Take Me Home - Part 5

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

AN: Welcome back, friends! We’re gonna start ramping up from here on out.

Word Count: 5K

Tags/Warnings: Angst and tension, a bit of heartbreak, a little Shakespeare, and another small cliffhanger…

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 5: Not That Simple

“I’m keeping close tabs on Carla and Emily just to be safe,” Beau admitted. 

Your face became the picture of concern. But before you could respond, a man approached the table, tall and lean, with a shaggy cut of dark blonde hair. He wore a pair of faded jeans, boots, and a gray Chicago FD t-shirt. 

Your face paled, and your mouth parted in surprise. 

“Hey there, stranger,” he said with a smile. 

“Michael?” you gasped. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Beau’s eyes widened. Michael was younger than him, closer to your age. And cocky too.  

“Hey, baby,” Michael said. His smile quirked with charm, but his next words were anything but charming. 

“We need to talk,” he said, raising his brows.

“We actually don’t,” you retorted in a firmer voice. Cold even. You straightened in your seat. 

Beau saw none of your softness and good humor from earlier. This was a different woman, and he was actually proud of you for standing your ground. Though he realized then that he’d never gotten on your bad side. (He hoped he never did.)

Michael frowned, sighing through his nose. He seemed to expect your reaction, to an extent, but was still disappointed. His gaze slid to Beau. 

Seeming to realize his manners were lacking, he reached out his hand.

“Sorry for interrupting. Michael Hadley,” he greeted.

Beau stared at the other man’s hand for a moment. Instead of shaking it, he held all his true thoughts inside and flashed the newcomer an easy grin, as well as the badge on his belt. 

“Sheriff Arlen,” he replied, raising a brow. “So you’re Michael.”

Michael met your eyes briefly, then Beau’s again. Michael’s hand lowered back to his side.

“So she’s talked about me,” he said.

Beau’s eyes were sharper when they took the other man in. 

“Oh, believe you me, that’s not something to brag about, Mike.”

You had to bite your lip so you wouldn’t smile. Michael’s politeness thinned, but just as his mouth opened to offer a retort, Cassie and Jenny returned with the drinks.

“Hi, there,” Jenny said with civility (sort of), but her blue eyes raked over Michael in an assessing way. She’d clocked your surprise and discomfort from across the room.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to stop the party,” Michael said, making you want to scoff.

Of course you did, you thought.

“I’m Michael, her fiancé,” he tried to introduce himself with an outstretched hand. Jenny also ignored that hand in order to set down the drinks.

It gave you the opportunity to interject with some reality.

“You’re missing an ex in there. As in no longer, and wish we’d never been,” you said. You crossed your arms and met Michael’s annoyed look with your firm one.

He eventually sighed and rested a hand on the back of the booth, behind your seat. You twisted to face him, but you were purposeful in leaning away from him.

Beau had to just watch the scene unfold. He didn’t like the way Michael leaned in, crowding your personal space when you were clearly trying to create distance.

“Can we talk?” Michael asked you. “Please?”

For a moment, you paused with indecision. You didn’t want to make a scene here in the middle of a bar. Not in front of your friends, where half of them were police officers. You didn’t want to stop them from having a good time either.

You met Cassie and Jenny’s eyes, and finally Beau’s. Despite the controlled, almost lazy way he’d handled Michael, you could see he didn’t look happy. You sighed.

“Sorry. Give me a minute,” you said. You got up out of the booth and went with Michael to a somewhat private corner across the restaurant.

Meanwhile, Beau tried not to seem like he was keeping an eye on you two. Cassie and Jenny were too, while sipping on their respective drinks.

“What’s the story there?” Cassie asked.

“Cheating ex,” Beau supplied.

“Great,” Jenny said wryly. Her lips pursed as she met Cassie’s knowing frown. They’d been there before.

Cassie turned to Beau and bumped his shoulder with her own. 

“You okay there, Sheriff?” Cassie asked him. Beau flashed her a look that showed he was unsettled. 

“I’ve got another one to add to the punch list,” he replied.

“I can’t believe you’d ambush me like this!” you whisper-yelled.

Michael crossed his arms in defense. The two of you ducked a server who was coming in hot with a plate of buffalo chicken wings.

“You came all the way to Montana? For what?” you continued. “I already said everything I had to say to you last year. And at Mary’s funeral. Thanks again for that, asshole.”

“That’s such a lie! You wouldn’t even talk to me at the funeral,” Michael shot back. “And you haven’t been answering my calls, my emails. What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to respect me,” you snapped. Though you couldn’t help the emotion making your voice shake, just a little. “You’re supposed to respect me, and my choices. That’s what you’re supposed to do. But I don’t why I should expect you to start now."

You started to walk away from him, but he grabbed at your hand. You turned back around and jerked your hand out of his grasp.

“It’s over. It’s been over for months. Damn near a year,” you said. “What do you want?”

He looked down at you through sad eyes under his furrowed brows.

“I never wanted it to be over,” he said quietly.

“Well, you pretty much made that decision for us,” you said, crossing your arms. You didn’t know whether it was to stand firm, or to shield yourself. “And I’m done. Quite frankly, I could live the rest of my life without seeing you again.”

“Come on. You don’t mean that,” he said.

He genuinely looked gutted, which was the confusing part. You shook your head and tried to blink the frustrated tears out of your eyes.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” you said.

“I want to say I’m sorry. And I am, more than you know. I want…I want to ask if you can forgive me,” he all but pleaded. He touched your arms, not quite grasping. For the first time since you’d known him, he seemed desperate. “Look, you know how hard it was for me to come out here and beg like a dog, but here I am…because I still love you.”

You were shocked into silence for a moment, but not out of happiness.

Then, you had to sigh. You held up a hand against his chest, a subtle move at pushing him away. 

“I can’t give that to you. Even your apology is hollow. Because what you did…” you said, on a halting breath. “You did it to me for years, Michael. Pretty much from the beginning of our relationship, if it ever was one.” 

You shook your head as a tear made its way down your cheek. 

“And if you could do that, then you never really loved me,” you said.

Michael’s eyes fell away, to hide the emotion stinging in them.

“So…just go home,” you told him. “Be with Kate if you want. I could really give a shit.”

Once again, Michael held your wrist when you tried to leave, this time more gently. He met you with frustrated blue eyes. Those eyes you used to drown in. 

“She’s not you,” he said. 

You slipped out of his grip and uttered a laugh devoid of all humor.

“That, you should’ve known from the beginning,” you said.

He was hurt.

And when he was hurt, he tended to cover it up with anger. His jaw began to work with frustration.

“What, so you’re just going to run away? Live in this dusty piece of shit town until you die?” he said, with the derision you’d come to expect from him when he didn’t get what he wanted. 

“Go home, Michael,” you repeated. “I’m not going back.” 

“Everything okay?” Beau asked, when you finally returned to the table. He didn’t tell you that he, Jenny, and Cassie had been watching on standby, in case Michael tried to press his luck and get more grabby. It had taken everything within Beau to stay in his seat for the past ten minutes.

You gave him a smile and took up the shot of tequila Cassie had brought for you. You downed it and grimaced at the burn.

“I’m good,” you said, with a bit of difficulty. Part of you felt accomplished, that you’d faced Michael and hadn’t let him soften your resolve. Yet there was a big part of you—not so deep down—that felt like utter crap.

“Sorry for the unnecessary drama,” you muttered. 

Jenny gave you a more serious look. One that said she had no problem stepping in if she needed to.

“If you ever feel unsafe, just let one of us know,” she said. 

“That’s right. If he doesn’t leave it alone, all you need to do is call,” Beau added. Cassie echoed that sentiment with a nod. You met Beau’s gaze, despite the uncertainty inside you.

If you need me, call me, his eyes said. 

You nodded then, with a thankful smile. 

Beau couldn’t help it. He felt protective of you. It welled up in his chest and simultaneously felt heavy like a stone. And he could admit, if just to himself, that it was in the personal sense. 

He tried to remember that his life was complicated right now. Too complicated probably, for all of that…but he cared about you. And he didn’t want to see you hurt.

Out of the corner of his eye, Beau spotted Michael Hadley at the bar. He was drinking a beer with an angry frown, and no good written all over his face.

Carla called Beau in a tizzy yesterday morning. 

Not only had Avery bought a gun, but he’d given her some unhinged, quasi- “If I die” speech that had freaked her the hell out. 

In searching Avery’s vacant hotel room, Beau found the missing pages of Paige’s journal. Pages that contained a seed phrase passcode to unlock the $15 million crypto account she and Luke had stolen. 

If Avery had those pages, then it only confirmed that Avery had made a play for the money in order to save his failing business. He was attempting to break the encrypted code to unlock the account, likely for the shady-ass people Paige stole the money from in the first place.  

Naturally, Beau had gone looking to bring the man in for questioning. He’d found Avery at a different, much seedier hotel, being led away by another man who walked and talked like a killer. Beau rightly assumed he was a hitman, gunning for Avery, and quite literally about to take out the trash.

Maybe the people he was working with were tired of waiting on him to unlock the account. Or maybe he’d already done it, and now they’d decided they didn’t need him anymore.

Beau was able to save Avery’s life, shooting the hitman. Then he’d arrested Avery. In return for that save, Avery had been giving Beau the runaround all night, with a side helping of audacity. 

“What’s your plan here, man?” Beau asked. He leaned forward in his chair across from Avery’s. A narrow table lied in between them within the small holding cell for questioning. 

“New identity? Thailand? Or maybe you’re not into the whole heat thing. Maybe Winnipeg,” Beau posed, with all due sarcasm. “You see, these people don’t forgive. And they don’t forget. And the ones that steal from them rarely die alone, which means you have put Carla, and you’ve put my daughter into danger. Did you even think about that?”

Right about now, Beau himself was beyond forgive and forget. In fact, he was irate. But he held it all down beneath a thin line of professionalism, despite the fire in his eyes. 

Avery rested his elbows on the table as well.

“Everything I’ve done has been to protect my family. That’s all you need to know,” he said. “You on the other hand. You’ve made quite the mess, haven’t you? Killing that man put us all in more danger.”

He then leaned back in his chair, as if he held all the cards, and Beau was just a monkey wrench in his plans. It was a good front, but Beau saw right through it all. Avery was bluffing through his ass.

Still, he put on a good show.

“And now I’d very much like to speak to my lawyer,” he said. 

It took everything within the sheriff to stop himself from reaching across the table, grabbing the other man by the collar, and yanking him down hard on the table, face-first. 

Instead, he got up from his seat, deceptively calm. The only explosion of his rage came when he kicked his chair hard on his way out, making it slide across the room and hit the wall. He yanked the cell door open and closed it firm behind him.

He knew he couldn’t hold Avery, not even on Paige’s journal pages. As Avery had so cleverly pointed out, the money hadn’t been reported stolen (why would criminals drop a dime on themselves?). So Beau would let Avery go, for now. All he could do was wait for the cocky son of a bitch to mess up, even more than he already had. 

Beau hated waiting.

But his next step was returning to his office and calling Carla. He asked her to join Emily in staying with him, until this thing with Avery blew over. Likely the people he was working with knew where he lived, knew how to find Carla and Emily. 

Carla sounded shaken even on the phone, but she agreed.

“Is Emily at work right now?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ll tell her,” Carla said, releasing a breath. “I’ll take her to your place again tonight, and I’ll bring an overnight bag for myself.”

“Good,” he said. “Thank you.”

After hanging up, Beau leaned back in his office chair and covered his bearded face with his hands. He rubbed at his tired eyes. What the hell do I do now? 

The answer eluded him, especially when a knock sounded against his door, disturbing his thoughts. He sighed.

“Yeah?”

“It’s me,” you answered from behind the door. “I come bearing baked goods.”

Beau’s eyes widened in surprise. He beckoned you to come in, and so you did. 

“Working hard, or hardly working?” you teased.

The sight of you was a balm to his frayed mind. Your familiar face, your pretty yellow sundress, the way you’d done your hair. It all managed to kick up his smile at seeing yours. Not to mention the delicious smelling basket you carried on your arm. The top was covered with a red checkered cloth. 

“Hey, there. How’re you doin’?” he greeted, trying to hide the brunt of his former frustration and worry behind a more upbeat attitude. 

He knew he hadn’t done well enough when your smile began to fall. 

“Sorry, did I come at a bad time?” you asked in concern. “Deputy Poppernak told me I could stop in real quick…”

Beau shook his head and waved you in. “It’s all right. Come in, please.” 

He stood and walked around his desk to sit on its edge. 

“I have a feeling I’m gonna want whatever’s in that basket,” he added, nodding at the whicker you carried. You offered it to him, and your warm hand brushed his on the exchange. 

“Just a little something,” you said. “And an apology for making a scene at the bar last night.”

Beau frowned. “You’re not really blaming yourself for that, are you?”

Though he soon brightened, whistling lowly when he found a half dozen chocolate chip muffins under the checkered cloth. A smile grew across his face when it dawned on him. The first thing you offered him when he met you was this very same treat. 

He had a feeling your muffins would be even better. (...And he tried not to think about the potential double meaning there.)

“Damn, between you and your aunt Denise, I’m gonna have to start running again,” he quipped. His eyes met yours in amusement. “And between you and me, I freakin’ hate running.”

You chuckled at that. “I’m more of a yoga girl, myself.”

Beau’s brows rose in interest, but again, he tried not to picture you in some tight-ass yoga pants.

“Thank you for this,” he said, instead, waving the basket of muffins. He set it down beside him on the desk. “I definitely needed a pick-me-up today.”

You searched his face and began to frown at what you saw there. He both looked and sounded…tired, down. Not himself. 

You drew closer and chanced resting a hand on his arm. “Hey, are you okay?”

Beau glanced down at your hand. He took in a deep breath through his nose before he met your gaze again.

“Yeah, don’t you worry. Everything’s fine,” he said. You gave him a somewhat chiding look.

“Beau, you don’t have to tell me it’s okay when it’s not,” you said.

He considered you ruefully. He should’ve known you were perceptive enough to see right through him. Or maybe he was just a shit actor. 

He blew out a breath and nodded. “I asked Carla and Emily to stay with me for the next few days. At least until this investigation of Avery plays out.”

Your patient expression melted into worry. You had a feeling he wouldn’t do that unless things were truly dangerous. 

“See, that’s what I didn’t wanna see,” he said, lightly bumping a curled finger under your chin. Despite yourself, you smiled a little. “I just want them where I can see them, is all.” 

He was putting on a good front, but you weren’t convinced. And Beau could see that. He nodded at you to change the subject. 

“Has Mike tried to contact you?” he asked. It was your turn to let out a sigh.

“Only two calls and eleven texts before lunch, but I’m not answering. He’ll get the hint and go home soon,” you said. 

But Beau was perceptive too. He knew you well enough to read your added thoughts as you frowned and looked away. It said, At least, you hope he will. 

Beau wanted to reassure you, not just to help make you feel safe, but because his gut churned with both unease and anger at the thought of that guy harassing you. 

Beau reached out and gave into the temptation to stroke a thumb across your cheek, earning not just your attention, but your widening eyes. 

“Hey. No more worrying, huh?” he said. His voice was quieter, warmer. He gave you a smile, along with an assured look.

“If anything happens—” he started to say, but you actually beat him to it. You held his hand to your cheek, surprising him this time.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve got the sheriff on speed dial,” you said. Your smile was sweet and teasing. 

Beau had to smile back. His gaze roamed your face. Then your eyes dipped down to his lips. There was heat between you, prickling across your skin and zipping up his spine. It was an inevitable, raw kind of feeling.

He wanted, more than anything, to lean in those precious few inches and find out what you tasted like… He wanted nothing more than to haul you up on this desk, hands sliding up the skirt of that sundress.  

But he held himself back with more self-control than he thought himself capable of. His hand fell away from your cheek. You looked up at him in confusion, and a bit of hurt.

“I’m sorry,” he said, in a lowered voice. “My life is…complicated.”

“And mine’s not?” you countered.

“Not the same,” Beau said. “Trust me. I uh, I’ve got some things in my past that I’m not proud of. Let’s just say you’re better off steering clear.”

“Let’s just say?” you repeated. Your brows drew together in frustration. “Why don’t you just say it? God knows you know everything about my messy life.”

Beau sighed. His gaze fell away from yours. 

“It’s not that simple, darlin’,” he said. 

He saw your disappointment, tinged with disbelief. As much as he didn’t want to hurt you, he also didn’t really have time to explain things properly to you. The truth was, he didn’t have time for this. 

“Look—” he tried, but you cut him off.

“No. It’s fine, I guess,” you said. You looked down at your shoes and muttered, mostly to yourself. “Em was right. You are an old clam.”

“What?” Beau asked in confusion. 

You shook your head and withdrew from him. 

“Okay, sorry. I just…you know what? I need to go,” you stumbled over your words a bit, and you backed away.    

It had Beau feeling at a loss already, not to mention the lance of guilt hitting him between the ribs. He stretched out a hand to you.

“Wait—”

You were too quick for him to stop, however. He watched you leave his office in a hurry, and mentally kicked himself all the while. He sighed and looked over at what you’d left behind—the damn basket of muffins. They smelled heavenly. Torturing him. 

Damn it all, he thought, until he played back the reel of what you’d said in his mind.

“Old clam?” he repeated. 

Once again, a knock on his office door disturbed his thoughts. Except this time, it was Deputy Poppernak.

He stopped short, seeing the furrowed look of confused, guilty frustration on the sheriff’s face. 

“Everything okay, boss?” 

“Fine,” Beau said, shaking his head. “What d’you got?”

Poppernak hesitated for a second, but he held up a file that he passed along. 

“Here’s everything I could dig up on the guy from the hotel shooting,” he said. 

 Good, Beau thought. A worthy distraction. 

You gave Poppernak a belated wave on your way out. You didn’t want to answer any questions or talk to anyone else. You just wanted to escape to your car, where you covered your face with your hands and tried to breathe through the tears stinging in your eyes.

Once again, you felt stupid. Your heart was racing in the worst of ways.

So you peeled out of the police station and headed home…

Or rather, you almost headed home. When you saw Dewell & Hoyt P.I. coming up on the right side of the road, you turned into the parking lot and went inside to see if your aunt was working. 

Cassie wasn’t in, but Denise and Emily were. You greeted them both with warm hugs (and you tried to hide your frustrations from the latter, especially). 

“What brought you in, hun?” Denise asked. 

“Nothing really. I was just in the area and decided to pop in,” you replied with a shrug. Denise smiled and rubbed your arm.

“Well good. Em’s actually going on a coffee run for us. You want anything?”

“No, no, I’m good,” you said. 

“You sure?” said Emily. “I can get you a banana bread or something.”

You smiled and shook your head, touching her arm in thanks. “It’s okay, honey. I just had lunch not too long ago.”

“Okay. Oh hey! Did you ask Dad about being on the podcast?” Emily asked. 

You blinked as you went blank for a moment. The last thing you wanted to do right now was see that man (even if your heart called you a liar). You narrowly kept yourself from lying to Emily as well.

“Uh, yeah, we did talk about it. He’s on board with the idea,” you said, trying to give her a smile. Maybe it didn’t reach your eyes, but Emily seemed to buy it. She smiled back in triumph.

“Yes! Okay, this is good. Now I just gotta start thinking of some questions and we’ll set a date to record the first episode,” she said, doing a little fist pump into the air. 

You tried to match her enthusiasm, but you knew you were falling short. Denise could see it too. Lucky for you, Emily ran off to get to the nearby bakery, the excitement keeping her face bright all the while. 

Denise turned to you knowingly. 

“Okay, grab a seat. I’ll make us some tea, and you can tell me what’s got you looking white as a sheet,” she said.

You sighed and sat down in the lounge area—a seating of couches and a chaise. You sat on the couch while Denise took the chaise. And between mugs of jasmine tea, you told her everything that happened at the precinct when you went to visit Beau.

When you were done explaining, Denise looked contemplative and sympathetic. However, you knew there was more to that look. 

“Okay. Honey, I know you don’t want to hear this, but he’s in a complex situation right now,” she said. “Between investigating Avery, and how it’s falling back on Carla and Emily—”

“I know. He told me about that,” you said. You were worried about them too. While you didn’t know Carla all that well, your friendship with Emily meant something to you. And not just because you had some…unnamed feelings for her father. 

Your bond with Emily had started at that damned camp, and solidified the night of Mary’s murder. “Trauma bonding” was a thing for a reason. But besides that experience, you genuinely enjoyed the girl’s company, hearing her talk about her interests in school, careers she was considering after college, and even helping her explore her creative side. She was young, but she was bright and mature for her age. 

You cared about what all this was putting her through…though you finally realized that Emily might not be comfortable with the thought of “you and Beau.”

“I don’t want to upset Emily with all this either,” you admitted. “I don’t even know what she thinks of her dad possibly dating again.”

And something else you hadn’t considered. Could all this shakeup between Avery and Carla, not to mention her and Emily staying at Beau’s place now…

“God. Maybe he wants to get back together with his ex-wife,” you realized, with some small shock. 

It wasn’t inconceivable, and it had tears welling up in your eyes for a whole different reason.

"Oh, honey, you don't know that," Denise started to say. You shook your head and set down your tea.

“You know what? I’m just gonna go home,” you said, but Denise tried to keep you with gentle hands on your arms.

“Come on. You don’t have to go,” she said. 

You shook your head and eased out of her grasp. 

“Sorry. I just…it’s his choice, and if he’s already made it…” you trailed. You didn’t want to even acknowledge that your heart was fracturing. “Well, if that’s the case, then I have to respect that.”

Denise didn’t know what else to say to you. But that was just as well. 

“Tell Em I’m sorry, but I had to go,” you said. 

Denise protested, but you left Dewell & Hoyt before your tears could fall in earnest. 

When you actually got home, you were exhausted. It was a case of emotional stress weighing down your body as you forced yourself up the stairs to your second-floor apartment.

You didn’t bother changing. Instead, you grabbed a familiar book of plays from your desk and dropped yourself onto the couch. You got comfortable with Much Ado About Nothing. You hadn’t finished reading it while at the camp, and you needed to brush up on it if you were going to be mentally prepared for the coming school year.

It felt like a world away, but at least with the characters in Much Ado, you had familiar ground. In the scene you were reading, the main characters, Beatrice and Benedick, were already at each other’s throats:

BENEDICK: What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?  

BEATRICE: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence.  

BENEDICK: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none. 

BEATRICE: A dear happiness to women. They would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humor for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

It was hard to believe that these two were supposed to fall in love. Actually, their later “epiphanies” would lead them to realize that the sniping and the arguments and the misunderstandings between them had been love all along…

But you’d come to realize that there was no “Benedick” for you in real life. Sometimes, the angry sniping wasn’t sexual tension. It was just a man who’d never truly respect you.

And sometimes, the arguments and misunderstandings were just two people in the right place at the wrong time, never quite meant to be. 

Thankfully, a knock at your door interrupted your romantic musings. 

Releasing a sigh, you set Much Ado on the glass coffee table in front of you. You got up from the couch and went to the front door, where you looked in the peephole. Your lips drew into a frown, but your disbelief had you unlocking the door before you could think better of it.

“Michael?! What are you doing here?” you asked. 

He stood there with determination set across his face.

“We really need to talk.”

AN: *Sigh.* This guy just doesn't learn, does he? And I'm not just talking about Michael.

Next Time:

“If you give me one more chance, I promise I won’t mess it up again. I’ll be the man you deserve,” Michael said, taking your hand and uncrossing your arms in the process. 

“Believe it or not, I took a week off without pay, just to be here and get a chance to say this to you: I love you. I love you. And I know now that it’s meant to be you.”

You hesitated, and even made the mistake of looking up into his eyes.

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 6

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Series Masterlist

Big Sky Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List (Part 1):

@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @roseblue373 @brianochka @branj19 @globetrotter28 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @ades106

@charmed-asylum @waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady @leigh70 @clinicallydepresso @emily-winchester @xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy @kmc1989 @deans-baby-momma @tabsluvsu @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons

@antisocialcorrupt @lacilou @deans-daydream @deans-spinster-witch @agalliasi @venicesem @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @iprobablyshipit91 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @lostin-jensenseyes @deansbbyx @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @deanfreakingwinchester @chernayawidow