#a polite fyi: when you don’t know someone’s gender it’s better you use the gender neutral pronouns instead of picking between she or he | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

curlyjoe7 · 5 years ago

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Hi. I feel the need to explain myself so here it goes: I deleted my post that included MOGAI don’t interact at the bottom and the ask I got (if you don’t know I posted a picture about a flag I made for myself and asking people if they wanted one but I included a banner at the bottom saying “MOGAI Don’t Interact” and I got an ask about it saying me stating this is a safe place but being anti MOGAI is controversial). Why? I really don’t want discourse or to invite more discourse on my blog but I realize I have no choice. I am not trying to cover shit up and in return I feel I should respond to the ask again and explain myself more clearly:

@ Anon, I am not sorry about my beliefs offending you. Though I am not completely against MOGAI I do have a lot of problems with it. It just feels like they sit there and make a fool out the LGBTQ+ community a lot of the time. Do I care if you use neopronouns? No. Go ahead! Do I care if you can’t find an identity that truly encompasses how you feel so you make one up? No. Go ahead! Do I think you always need to have dysphoria to be trans? No. You can just feel more comfortable in another gender and that’s totally okay and valid! Go ahead! But do I care when people who aren’t trans at all identify as a gender that is just their personality traits? Yes. And honestly why does the MOGAI community have to exist? The LGBTQ+ is growing everyday to add more identities for everyone. I know some people try to just call it the LGBT but it’s not just that anymore. It’s so much more than that. If you don’t see your identity under the LGBTQ you are the +! And you are valid regardless of what anyone says as long as you’re not using your “identity” to be cool. Aros are valid! Aces are valid! Mspecs are valid! Gays are valid! Enbys are valid! Transgender men and women are valid! And they all belong in the community. Intersex/intersexual people also deserve a place in the community as they experience a lot of gender identity issues themselves and should not be left out! But softgenders (a gender that feels soft and sensitive) and recugenders ([believe that is the name for it] someone who identities with the gender assigned to their sex but refuses to be cis) and everything like them are just not valid at all. I shouldn’t have to tell you this. Gender is how you feel between female, male and gender neutral/genderless. Nothing else. There can be combos but that’s it. You’re not softgender, you’re just a soft and sensitive person, that has nothing to do with your gender. Anyone can be soft and sensitive. And regardless if you like it or not “recugenders”, you’re cis. I know you want to be special but being trans doesn’t make you special. It’s who you are as a person that makes you special. You don’t need a fancy label to be a good product.

Your personality traits are not a gender. Gender is who you are not what you choose. It’s not dress up. It’s a serious thing that needs to be respected as such. I know the MOGAI community is just trying to be more inclusive for people and that’s wonderful but it’s been taken too far. Now you are just doing more harm than good. Because of people like you I have to endure hearing those stupid “I identify as a [random object]” and “DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?????” “jokes.” They are not in any way funny and actually just degrades a community that is already looked down upon. I know some people are just trying to have a laugh and I get that but it’s spreading the idea being trans is weird. And it’s not. And MOGAI is just contributing to the problem by spreading nonexistent genders and romantic/sexual orientations that are just personality traits, personality preferences in a partner or someone refusing to admit they’re cishet cause they want to feel special. And you’re also spreading this message to young, impressionable, naïve people that don’t know any better and that’s just plain wrong. Your personality preferences in a partner is not a romantic/sexual orientation. A romantic/sexual orientation has to do with how much romantic/sexual interest you have and/or the gender(s) you are romantically/sexually attracted to. Liking goth people is not a romantic/sexual orientation. Again, I shouldn’t have to tell you this. And just fyi people are always going to misgender you, it’s a normal human reaction to call someone who looks male a he and someone who looks female a she. They are not transphobic, they are just unaware. Everybody assumes people’s gender based on looks. Just correct them politely. They’ll never know how to refer to you if you don’t tell them and you’d be surprised the response you might get. So yes I have a problem with a good bit of the MOGAI community besides neopronouns and the actual real identities that help people. I said don’t interact with my blog if you are a terrible person and going around acting like being queer is a fashion statement rather than a legitimate thing makes you a terrible person. I’m not going to accept your toxicity and harmful behavior into my safe space. And that’s that on that.

P.S. Do I know if all the MOGAI communities are like this? No. There could very well be a chance there are some MOGAI communities that do more good than harm. And I am willing to give the community a second chance as I only know the bad people in it. I am also willing to give the community the benefit of the doubt that there are good things about it. Cause like I said earlier, there is. Having an accepting community to help you find a term that is more tailored to how you feel is a great thing. It really does help a lot of people and I’m glad it does. But regardless of the good it does, we can’t ignore the bad it does. Which is all I’m saying.

#my thoughts on mogai

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hootpoop12 · 6 years ago

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Theory time

Alright, so we all know through the context of this being written in a fanfiction/a03 format that this is all a play about canon VS fanon. What is a little hard to decipher is what are the things that are plays off fanon and which qualities are the true aspects of the characters(canon)? ANYWAY here are just a few of the things I am ASSUMING are plays off fanon based on my years in the fandom and sheer obsession of consuming this shit (trigger warning for everything taken place in the epilogue FYI):

-Dave: I think some of the main aspects of fanon influencing his epilogue version is intertwined with “woobifying”, “Slow burn”, and even possibly even “sexuality”.

-Woobifying is a fandom concept of reducing a character to “a cinnamon roll too pure for this world” someone you wanna baby (often applied to trans guy characters whether canon or headcanoned). This one is a bit of reach I’ll admit because it DOES makes sense that after years of living with Karkat the dude would soften up but there were times in the epilogue even Dave admits he’s gotten softer and the dude just plain out was very passive. In my time I’ve seen tons of depictions of Dave as a lot more emotional than shown in the comic or a lot more woobified in fics (like in meteor fics where he often has very dramatic emotional outbursts) By the way this is NOT me shitting on you if you like viewing Dave in that way because a lot people with trauma relate to him and use him for “cathartic release”(me fucking too lol). It’s more a guess/observation of maybe why he’s developed in this way due to the comic now being a strange sponge absorbing all fanon, good and bad, into it weird ass grasp.

-Slow burn is likely the trope that plays into why the hell it took so fucking long for him AND Karkat to admit their feelings. If you have literally ever consumed Davekat content I’m sorry but 99% of it is slow burn lmao every meteor fic is pining, every coffee shop AU is the budding of a lifelong partnership, and every Harry potter furry inflation pwp crossover WHATEVER fic is 10k words building of sexual tension like......To bring their other relationships in canon into this we can see that Dave was able to flirt with Jade and Terezi and entered a relationship with them at a pretty normal rate WHICH can totally be attributed to the fact he views them as girls and himself as heterosexual so was much more comfortable making a move- sure. Looking at Karkat, however, and you see the dude is a little shy about romance sure but he was still able to flirt with Terezi and make awkward moves on John so like......I can’t help but to feel like something outside (us?) was influencing them?

-Sexuality is another sort of reach but I think it’s something to consider. In terms of the comic....when exactly DID canon end? You could argue at the end of act 7.......or the moment John used his retcon powers to create a new timeline. Fandom Dave (on the tumblr side at least) was usually consider queer and a lot people shipped Dave with another dude. Perhaps John going back and rewriting canon helped bring our influence over Dave’s sexuality into the comic? I remember finding out Davekat was canon and confirming my “Dave is bisexual” headcanon and just thinking in wonder how it felt like Hussie was plucking my desires straight from my head and incorporating them. Which made me HAPPY by the way. If this is anywhere even near truth it’s not like he didn’t do a fantastical and natural job of incorporating it into the comic which shows how “incorporated fanon” is not a totally horrendous thing. The comics always done it with fandom memes and such.

-Rose Lalonde. Not too sure what fanon influenes were brought onto her to be honest? In candy she was almost like a creepy stepford wife which is. Bizarre to me. Rose is the most contrary and rebellious character so seeing her settle down like that (OR FUCKING DOING SOME GUYS LAUNDRY) is a little strange. In meat she insists that she is an individual despite being married but that could have EASILY been Dirk’s influence? Also her biggest fandom stereotypes off the top of my head is Know-it-all smug meddler, alcoholic, and elegant. Really none of that was applied so still need to consider her more. The most damning thing however is where is all the piss?? If you look at the amount of piss kink rose fanfiction one has to wonder......and I can’t even continue this joke.

-Jade Harley: Gonna keep it real with ya’ll. I feel like this epilogue gave Jade Harley way more character. She wasn’t given much in canon except for lonely silly girl so it makes sense to me why she’d grow up desperate for physical bonds and inserting herself into relationships. I liked her telling John that she wasn’t some princess in a tower anymore cause it shows she KNOWS how everyone has always viewed her and that’s a little sad. As for tropes around her character.....yep people pleaser, silly girl, hippie, shoved aside for literally any other character......Need to think about her more, too.

-Jake fucking English. What even is there to say? He more than anyone was influenced by fanon and it doesn’t take too much thought to see how. In a lot of fandom jokes and in fanfiction he is basically treated as a stupid piece of meat. I genuinely don’t read much fanfiction about him except from a trust few fans who I know care about him and will write him in a full rounded way. In any case we see a single moment in which Jake has this oppressive narrative taken away from him and it was when he was talking to Dave and Karkat during their election conversation. If that wasn’t already hard enough to read we can look back at the implied rape that took place with him in the beginning of Jane’s relationship with him or over the course of it. John, the one person supposedly not influenced by fanon as he’s still tied to the comic via retcon powers, is even the one to tell people that Jake is basically being raped. So yeah. Good times. I’ll get to Dirk in terms of Jake in a moment L M A O. Imagine that being the saddest lmao you ever just read.

-Jane Crocker: Welp hope you weren't a Jane fan lmao. What can I say except it FEELS like all the subliminal messaging really got to her and she’s like......warped by the condesce? I think if in the comic they showed more of her political takes then maybe this wouldn’t have come as such a shock. Like, I flat out am disgusted by her character now? She’s a facist, abusive, rapist(that was hint, unfortunately)? WOW good take homestuck writting staff?? I mean I know one of you used to write like incest pedo rape porn but aight??????????? Anyways in fanon Jane is treated as the girl who gets in the way of dirkjake so kinda that early 2000s bitchy yaoi girl brand, boring person in the background, or the hottie. They obviously kept saying she was “easy on the eyes” so there’s the hottie trope but that’s about it.

-Roxy Lalonde: Out of ALL the Alphas they fucking escaped with their goddamn dignity PFFT. So in terms of tropes: trans Roxy, alcoholic, and flirty “boy obsessed”.

-So with trans Roxy this is like Dave’s sexuality thing I discussed where a widely celebrated headcanon influenced canon and that not necessarily a BAD thing. Like I said, this theory is that canon is just absorbing fanon for better and for worse. I saw people were bummed they weren’t a trans girl but I am actually down with this for two reasons. 1) being all those memes “what’s your gender?” “the void” and 2) a part being friends with someone who’s trans is.....not being used to seeing them as the gender they actually are but taking the time to learn these new unfamiliar pronouns- and get the fuck over it. It’s their choice and you just gotta accept it despite your feelings.

-alcoholic Roxy was not at all incorporated which is the biggest fanon about her (not as much in recent years thankfully) so honestly? Kinda diminishes my argument. It’s not like the writers were worried that tossing out their progress as person was bad writing lol look at Dirk.

-Flirty Rox. In candy they were SUPER fast moving in their relationship with John and despite towards the end they said that Dirk dying made them wanna do something with their life I just....don’t buy it? Mainly because john who is uninfluenced by the fanon tropes even noticed how fast they were moving and how stepford agreeable wife she’d become.

-Dirk Strider. Aight. So. Here we go. fandom tropes are controlling puppet master, abusive, and cold/uncaring.

-Dirk is a naturally controlling man, yes. Every version of himself struggles with this, yes. Even if we work on issues does not mean old flaws will never leak out, yes. However, after in the comic itself we see conversations with some of his closest companions and the effort he was making and ready to continue making was completely obliterated. Dirk is someone who takes his projects a little too seriously so why would he toss out this one- the most important one in his life? ANYWAY........Dirk in canon is shown that he’s also not great at multi-tasking or really anything that he really makes himself out to be AMAZING at. Don’t get me wrong I actually view Dirk as a complement dude cause he did get all the alphas into the session in a smoothish fashion (yes hal is him so it still counts) but, like, even when Dirk sounds like an AWESOME engineer to Jake he even admits that he basically had the future’s technology to help and it wasn’t that impressive. So now he’s claiming he’s the BEST? Wack.

-Abusive Dirk......The sheer amount of people in the fandom who still misconstrue his character as heartless and the sheer amount of fanfiction of sociopathic Dirk might’ve done something. If he is truly becoming his “ultimate self” and he is heart aspect.....all these fanfiction splinters are getting applied to him as well, ya’ll. INCLUDING one of the epilogues writers who literally used to write fanfiction depicting Dirk as a brutally abusive and manipulative version of himself. With the similarities between their big fic and the homestuck epilogue I can’t help but to wonder if they’re subtly trying to incorporate that? After all Alt Calliope goes into detail about how the writer/narrator is IMPORTANT and when one is someone who enjoys viewing dirk as such....well who’s to say pfft Everything about how Dirk treated Jake was some of the most shocking to me. How did you get the guy taking most of the blame for a relationship gone wrong to a man who in a very rapey way makes someone obsessed with him, stupid, and unable to ever receive respect? Horrifying stuff to read, lads. It makes much more sense to me if you look at this fandom’s perceptions on DirkJake. My god there are some bad takes and there’s a whole section of the fandom who was hellbent on making the ship out to be the most problematic ship to ever occur. So whereas in the comic you have Dave pointing out that both sides had issues and everyone was willing to talk things out you had half the fandom insist that it was all Dirk’s fault and he just COMPLETLY forced himself on an unwanting Jake. Yep, sound familiar?

-cold uncaring. yep tons of depictions of Dirk being cruel to his friends and family and sorry but go reread Homestuck I don’t even know what to tell you if you actually believe that. There’s literally nothing here I could write to help you. As if the whole thing about his character isn’t about how the people around him helped prevent him becoming like that and he hasn’t said in a dozen different ways how much he loves them and wants to treat them better. Get out of here with that shit lmao

I guess all can be said about Dirk at this point is either 1) the absorption of the vast amount of terrible Dirk depictions from ascending to his ult self has warped him 2) he’s playing a villain just because Homestuck being over means not existing which TERRIFIES him and existing is a higher priority than treating the people around him right or 3) caliborn influence

1) For the ascending I’m pretty sure this is the theory that’s gonna be right

2) playing the villain is probably not what it is because on twitter all of the writers are saying the transphobia is literally just him and they’re boosting a lot of theories say “this is a story about friends you love disappointing you and you moving on” So. Yeah. Take that depressing nugget of information. (I literally will be fucking dead inside if that really is where this story is taken. No joke I will probably quit this fandom lol don’t know if any of you really know how big that is for me to say

3) Caliborn? eh maybe who the fuck knows after typing that last bullet point out I’m too bummed to continue this hah

#Homestuck #Homestuck epilogue #upd8 #dirk strider #personal #fyi I love people who tell me when they disagree so if this seems like utter bullshit do not hold back

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shipwrexked · 6 years ago

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Perspective

I was recently reminded about this while having a conversation with my kids.

People my age and older like to walk around saying things like:

“Back in my day”, “When I was your age”, “We didn’t have..” as if the past is something to be striven for. FYI it isn’t.

I realize I’m a different sort of parent from many of my peers. I don’t romanticize a past where, as a woman, I had to fight tooth and nail just to be seen by society as worthy. I don’t think things were better and I’m actually very proud of the younger generations achievements over the past 20 years or so. I feel a sense of pride when I hear my boys correct others on their narrow minded thinking about gender equality, body shaming, and personal identity. I see that as a good thing that humanity is moving forward and my children are helping to move it in a positive direction.

This brings me to the point of my post:. When I was about 17 or so years old the internet was just beginning. It was primarily used for text based games, and information research. Most people didn’t have a computer in their homes and used them at the libraries and schools. Cell phones weren’t something you found everywhere they were “rich peoples” toys. My great great grandmother was born in 1902 and she got to see the first lightbulb, the first paved road, the first automobile, the first state highway, and she was a wealth of knowledge. During one conversation I had with her she said to me:

“W, you know how your parents yell at you about the being online and tying up the phone line. Well my parents yelled at us about that with electricity.”

PERSPECTIVE

It’s true what they say, the more things change the more they stay the same. The scenery may change, the toys may change, the instruments we use to get from one place to another may change, but sadly, people so often do not change. The older generation will seek to remain in the timeline of their youth and the younger generation will seek to reshape it. This is the way of humanity.

My same great great grandmother once told me “You know you’re doing the parenting thing right if your children turn out better than you”.

Each generation should seek to improve on the one before it. So the next time someone says to you:

In my day we didn’t have things like ADHD they were just bad kids.

Politely remind them that in their day child abuse was also legal and isn’t grand how the future generation have grown and learned since then.

#perspective #humanity #life

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6ad6ro · 7 years ago

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an explanation post and small update about that thing that recently happened with that one ex friend. just fyi, this is very long:

first, some backstory. i have an issue where i often end up staying in abusive relationships (friends/family/dating) for way too long for various reasons. that said, this friend. they were always problematic. they would continue aggressively making passes at me even tho i rejected them constantly. like really gross passes that reminded me of why i “hate (stereotypical) men”. bc it was real bro-style creeping. hitting on me incessantly. always hanging all over me and making any excuse to have physical contact. making gross innuendo “jokes” that went too far just… always. at one point they licked my ear when we were taking a photo together. etc.

now i confronted them on this many times. asked them to tone it down. explained how uncomfortable and stressed they made me. told them “i’m sorry but i just don’t feel that way and i wanna be friends” like god SO often. my sister (used to be friends w them too) even would sit and we’d try to explain to them why they needed to stop.

but of course, they’d always reply to this with extreme defensiveness. say i was just over thinking it. that this is just who they were. that they joke with ALL their friends this way (sidenote i’ve seen how squeamish they can make their other friends). that “maybe i should rethink my standards for what is okay and not okay”. would even accuse me of being paranoid and “gaslighting” them. even when it got better, they were always making little jokes like “oh srry i wanted to pat you on the back but idk if you’ll get mad at me” like they really wanted to let me know i was in the wrong. and beyond that, they always seemed to be like actively trying to find new avenues of hitting on me.

and that was just the personal space issues. they’d also like rage at games when we played together? like slamming my controller to the floor when they lost. being overly competitive. being rude to my other friends if they were “holding them back” in a game. they’d actually criticize people who didn’t agree with how they wanted to play as being “unskilled” and “not real gamers”. and if you ever were beating them, they’d be all angry and say stuff like you were being “ cheap”. any mistake they made in a game was “people cheating”. but any time they did well (including purposeful exploiting), it was a boast worthy achievement. trashtalk all day but only they were allowed to do it.

it was weird too bc TBH THEY AREN’T EVEN ALL THAT GOOD. like overall, i’d almost always beat them. my sister too. they were mediocre at best. but of course… they’d literally make statements like “i almost always beat you” and “i usually win” when it was just… such a rare occurrence. its just… when it came to trying to have a fun play session with people, they put the game and winning above… you know… having fun w the rest of us? and sidenote they were always SUPER picky about what game we played. and when it came to options like “what guns to use” or “what stage to play”… you know how often people take turns so everyone is happy? on their turn, they’d get respect. but on everyone elses turn, they’d always like… fuck around and change options back to theirs and like revert stuff and just…

not that age matters but did i mention they were 27. i mean idk i only bring it up bc they reminded me so much of a little kid like esp about videogames. but there were a lot of other issues with them too. but i’ll just bring up the last big one. they… morally/politically? they tended to be in a cool direction in general. v “supports human rights overall” kinda person. but… they were the type who were idk v quick to judge? they would make extreme judgement calls with no information. they’d always end up fixated on conspiracies rather than perceiving things with moderation. people can think what they want imo, but the issue here is how they needed anyone close to them to agree with them too?

example: one time i was driving w them in an area that had very little shops and it was late and i had forgotten to pick up a gift for someone we were meeting. just a small thing to thank them for a favor. the ONLY store open and around was walmart. yes fine walmart sucks but idk i needed a gift. i mentioned i was gonna stop by there and they were like “no not walmart”. and i’m like “yeah i know lol” and they were like “no seriously we cant go in there”. long story they refused to go in, wouldn’t wait in the car, and made it out like if i went in that there would be a big problem. i ended up showing up to the person empty handed and it sucked. another time just recently i was gonna get some lays potato chips and they were like “ew no you can’t buy anything from the cocacola company” and like shamed me and walked off so i couldn’t get them. idk this kinda stuff happens all the time tbh? but it doesn’t stop at just like pretentious annoyance. they’d go HARD with political opinions too and if you disagreed w them they’d HATE you. not just internet forums or strangers. but friends. one time my sister (who for the sake of the story is pan and leaning towards non-binary) disagreed with them when they made a sweeping statement on fb about how some specific thing made everyone “transphobic”. anyways when my sister tried to discuss it with them they literally sicked their friends on her and insulted and browbeat her until she just had to leave. she got stressed at the end and yelled back finally and then they sent her a pm like “i’m really disappointed in you. i’ll be waiting for an apology when you’re ready to give it”. lol long story short my sis dropped them at that point. as she put it “i thought highschool was over”. she was already super mad at them for how they were treating me sexually anyhow tho like... srry but i guess one of my points is my sister is like one of the coolest, nicest, best people i know. she never drops people. but she dropped THEM. over the years i’ve asked them why they go from 0 to 11 so fast and why they don’t... idk... “lead” people into agreeing with them rather than angrily and violently just immediately demanding it? and as they put it “people with strong opinions will never change so don’t bother with them” and “i act how i do as an example to others of how to be a good person”. but god i guess just recently i came to realize that they were just... i don’t think they cared about other people. they just wanted to protect THEMSELVES above all else? they wanted a reason to judge people. it was all an excuse for them to feel self-righteous and act entitled and superior. oops i forgot to mention that they’re pan and gender-neutral as well? maybe they identify as trans but idk. the only reason i mention it is bc they definitely use it as a way to shame people and feel superior. i know it’s easy to be sensitive about that stuff considering, but they go above and beyond. and it’s weird that they’re all about human rights and w/e bc GOD they’re so gross sexually and... srry another example. so they’re a furry. totally fine imo. but one day we were walking around a downtown area with a lot of bars late at night and they were wearing fox ears/tail and bein themselves nbd. but we passed by a “drunkbus” right as cookie-cutter bros spilled out of it. one of them was like “hey i didn’t know the furry convention was in town” and i immediately got super angry and turned to say something. but then i looked to see my friend had just continued to walk away? i took a breath and walked back to them and was like “i’m so sorry like do you want me to say something?” and they were like “it’s okay some day i’ll fuck them until they like it” or “until i turn them” or god idk i think they maybe even used the term “rape”... alarm bells tbh. blahh i won’t go into any more details but lets just say how they act and how they say a person SHOULD act is a dictionary definition of hypocrisy. well anyways, i guess my point i wanted to make with this backstory is, as i’ve finally come to realize... they’re an immature, self-righteous, spoiled person with a pretty distinct martyr complex. and they’re kinda rapey. they always used to complain about all this drama they had and how awful everyone was to them... and it always sounded like “really bad luck”? but i realize now that they were just a tornado of selfishness with like no emotional control and they couldn’t keep friends for too long before it just had to end in a big flaming ball. sorry like i should point out i know they’re obv full of mental illness... but i don’t think they really go to therapy or seek help for any of it? like so many of us on here are pretty messed up but we do our best? this person is not doing their best. they clearly feel the world should change before they do. anyways anyways anyways. this friendship lasted for idk 2 years? 3? it was weird that i didn’t notice my own reactions as warning signs. like when i don’t know someone too well or am having issues... i’ll often bring another friend to hangouts as a sort of buffer. maybe uncool, but it helps. usually this only lasts for like one or two hangouts. but with this ex friend, it lasted the entire period. whenever i tried to hang out w them alone, a much bigger incident would always happen, and i’d go back to square one. but okay. the actual story of the incident: so i was always trying to get them to hang out with me and another friend bc i felt like we all had v similar hobbies, and this past tuesday it finally happened. we all hung out at other friend’s place and played games and ate food and outside of exfriend’s usual little issues, it went really well. at some point it was mentioned that sonic mania released that day. it was something we had all been very excited about, but we already had plans that day and some of us (me) didn’t want to experience the game the first time in a distracted social environment. but i mentioned “ugh i have a doc appointment early tomorrow but i’ll still dl it right when i get home. i better not play it tho lol weh”! when they heard i was buying it, they were like “oh man you gotta let me come over and try it”. i knew they were a big fan of the guy who made it and a huge sonic fan, but also that they had just lost their job and money was tight (i had to buy their food that day). i had a feeling they’d morally be against pirating it temporarily until they could afford it. so idk i was like “hey listen as long as we only play like the first act each, i could take you to my place before i drive you home. but only if you’re okay with being v quick bc i have dr in the morning”. sidenote they refuse to drive and don’t use a bike so hanging out with them always involved carting them around. and no before they lost their job (v recently), they coulda def afforded it. they literally were constantly buying insanely expensive collectibles like think of the most expensive gaming stuff you can and they prob have it. sealed panzer dragoon saga. vectrex with every game. fami twin with working disc system parts. ique with most games loaded. mint physical laserdisc copy (beta?) of dragons lair from the arcade machine. whatever. my point is they spent all their money on toys instaid of bettering themselves. we all do it but they took it to an extreme. one other thing... they only would communicate over their parent’s lan line phone and over facebook. they refused to have a cellphone. back to story. they excitedly agreed to my conditions and we went back to my place and installed the game. i started playing and god it was amazing (obv)! i got to the end of act 1 in a couple of minutes and was like “okay i should rly quit and hand it to you” but they were like “no no finish the zone” and tbh it was so good i agreed. so i played until i beat the boss and then i was like “okay i can’t go further” and quit and then handed it to them. i think the whole zone took me like... 5 minutes? this is when it started getting weird. i noticed my gf had called and like idk she was a bit worried bc i normally call her after i get home from my other friend’s place (we hang every tuesday like clockwork) and it had gotten really late but i forgot to let her know. it was really sweet and i didn’t want her to worry so i was like “hey uh shoot do you mind if i call her?” and tbh they were like already so absorbed in playing the game they weren’t even paying attention to me. but i had given them the rly comfy chair but it blocked the exit to the room. i couldn’t even squeeze by unless they moved first. so i started like asking them ‘hey uh do you mind pausing and moving so i could get by?”... nothing. again i asked. ignored. this went on for like idk 30 sec? a minute? until i finally was like hovering my finger over to hit the pause button like “can you please just pause so i can leave” like... and only then did they finally say “well fine but i don’t even know how to pause”. let me take the time to point out that they are prob the most techy person i know. esp about old game systems. they build flashcarts and repair ancient consoles and solder and mod and they worked the past 4(?) years at a legit retro game store. and they were amazing to begin with. it’s a small thing, but they coulda figured out how to pause a switch. they’d played one many times before too. so finally i have them pause it. and i’m like still standing there for 30 sec or so and they still aren’t budging? and i’m like “you uhh gotta get up so i can get by the chair is blocking me”. they continue to idk ignore??? i finally have to literally pick up the chair WITH them still in it and move it aside. only then could i pass. idk but i didn’t get angry or anything bc i was just relieved to finally get by. as i walked out of the room i mentioned to them “hey if i take too long just keep playing obv but when i walk in please pause it and quit immediately so i don’t see later level content plz” (i’m a big baby and have been avoiding all details for so long and was looking forward to the surprise lol). and they were like “okay” or something. i went out to my car and talked w my gf for god idk 15 or 20 min? i didn’t want to talk that long but she was going to bed soon and was a bit down/ill and i still wanted to talk to her and idk i knew worst case my one friend would love the extra time to play. and i felt like if i stayed out that long i could go in to a very satisfied friend, you know? so i get off the phone and head inside. i enter the room and am like “okay i’m back plz pause it like we gotta go”! ignored. i ask again kinda lol trying to plug my ears and not look. ignored. at that point i notice the same song from the first zone is playing and i look over and it is in fact the same level and i’m like ??? “wait how are you still on the first level??” and they were like “oh i’m completing all of the special stages”. the first thought i had was like oh wow cool they really wanted to stick to my initial request of only playing the first zone? unnecessary but v nice of them! i guess i was really reaching for an explanation lol... so whatever they still are playing so i sit down next to them and am watching them play for another minute or so. i was about to say something bc they still weren’t stopping but then i notice how close they are to the boss and am like “oh okay cool you’re p much to the boss so you’ll be done super quick”. they keep playing. at that point i notice they’;re like... taking sonic up and around the level kinda in circles? and backtracking? like? it’s really weird and i’m like “wait what are you doing” and they’re like “trying to get rings to complete the special stages”... so i’m like “uhh sorry tbh but i’m already way past when i wanted to go to bed is there any way you can just... go to the boss”?? and they’re still doing their thing and ignoring me and so i speak up again like “cmon like i’m really sorry but this doctors appointment is an obligation and i really need to get to bed”. and at that point they pause the game. stand up angrily. kinda fling the controller so it hits the table and falls onto the hard floor. they start kinda flailing their arms angrily and say in this really sour tone “oh im sorry i just thought you were gonna idk let me PLAY the GAME”??? i start replying like “listen i’m sorry i just like i don’t have a choice in the matter like i have to go to bed like you had like 3 times as much time as i did and idk maybe you can take the switch into the car or something idk??” and they just kinda angrily say “whatever whatever just stop yelling at me”. btw i’m not yelling. i’m definitely definitely not yelling. i’m not even angry. calm. nice. confused at best? and this isn’t one of those things where it’s like “im not yelling bc when i yell you really KNOW it”... i just wasn’t yelling by anyone’s terms. at that point i’m like “listen i’m sorry i just don’t know why this is becoming such an issue like idk maybe you can wear headphones in the car and keep playing later levels or...” and that’s when they’re like “it doesn’t matter just STOP yelling at me”. and the chair is in the way of the exit and needs to be like lifted and moved so we can leave. but at that point they take their foot and just KICK the chair across the room. at that point i’m kinda like “listen i’m sorry if i have a tone in my voice or am hurting your feelings but tbh it’s kinda hard to remain perfectly calm when you’re sorta throwing a temper tantrum and..” and that’s when they shouted as loud as they could “OKAY NOPE UH UH BYEEE” and swung open the door and ran through the house to the exit door. i’m trying to call after them like “shit i’m really sorry but i don’t have time to chase after you i gotta go to bed please can i just take you home like if you leave i gotta just let you and go to bed” and they ignore me and run outside. it’s like 2am at this point btw. i kinda go outside to check if they’re standing there cooling down but no. long gone. ran down the street i think. so i go back inside. turn the light out. and lock the door. i just dont have time to deal with this. i want to but i can’t. but i sit there for a few minutes. and... (maybe) the mentally ill/abused side of me is like “well you COULD go look for them and try to calm them down and drive them home and it wouldn’t take THAT much longer than you were gonna already spend driving them, right? worst case if you don’t find them you can just go home and go to bed”. and so i head outside.as i enter my car tho, i get this weird gut awful feeling of deja vu? i realise pretty quickly that this scenario was pretty similar to the ones i had pretty regularly with my one really bad ex gf. the one who was a manipulative sociopath that used me and cheated on me and also had no emotional control etc etc etc lol? and idk i was surprised bc... i thought that this part of my life had been over. but still... the dumb side of my brain ignored that and carried on. i drove along the path i assumed they walked, thinking maybe they woulda taken the time to calm down. after a bit i finally caught up to them. i pulled up slowly and kinda called out like “hey i’m really sorry like i never wanted it to go down that way like you’re my friend like let me take you home i’m really sorry”. they ignored me for a bit and kept doing that angry car walk thing as i had to slowly follow behind and continue apologizing. finally they stopped and came to the window. they were like “listen you can’t talk to me like that and abuse me like that like what you did was so awful and bullying and ..” and went on like that for a min. and i was like “listen i’m sorry and i know me using that one word in particular must have really set you off but idk..” like trying to explain to them why i said “temper tantrum” (BC THATS WHAT THEY FUCKING HAD BTW THATS WHAT IT GD WAS) but i was trying to be nice about it? so i continued on “well i mean the reason i said that was okay like i know you were agitated but you kinda like tossed my controller haphazardly and it hit the floor and yeah i’m sure it was an accident...” and at that point they stuck their head inside the window like super close to my face and shouted as loud and angrily and full of spittle as they fucking could “WELL MAYBE IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT THEN”!!!! i’m like... idk... adrenaline just dumps into my body. i’m giving this person so so so many chances tonight. being so nice. and this is a problematic friend to begin with. and they’re shouting in my face like this as i try to apologize to them so i can drive them home after they ran off. but i’m a pacifist and i try to avoid conflict. but still... i’m like, probably quietly, “you... you can’t just yell at me like that. you aren’t allowed to yell at me like that.” and they open their mouth and start shouting more. and that’s when i shout back “I WON’T LET YOU SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT”!!! idk if it scared them or what like i know i’m pretty booming and alarming when i shout idk but regardless they yanked their head out of the window and backed away from the car and i split second checked they were clear and i just floored it. but... i quickly slammed on the breaks. took a breath. decided i didn’t want it to be like this (do you see how stupid/messed up i am). i put it in reverse and turned around to back up. but i have to slam on the breaks. thank god i was only idling at that point. bc they’re pressed RIGHT up against my back bumper. i’m trying to comprehend all this bc there’s a v big sidewalk and they were on it when i started to speed off so why are they right behind my car now? a BIG alarm bell goes off in my head but i ignore it. i stare at them as they wait pressed against my bumper for like half a minute, giving them “what are you doing” eyes and gestures. finally they come back to the window. i’m like “listen. i’m really really sorry. it’s okay if you hate me. we don’t have to talk about it or at all. i made a mistake. i’m very sorry. can i just... take you home? i feel bad. we can try and work out this stuff later if we have to”. at that point they start yelling at me again (not screaming but just normal yelling) and telling me how awful and bullying and abusive etc i am and how their reactions were justified and idek bc they started walking off again. FINALLY. FINALLLLLY. my brain accepts this situation as fairly impossible and unreasonable and i decide i gotta be done. i just... can’t? anymore?? even if i wanted to... i don’t have time? so i pull up next to them and say sternly “you know what? you can’t treat your friends like this or they will LEAVE you.” and i sped off. i think i heard them screaming after me like “YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE” but god knows like my car is junk but i had floored it so they were long gone. okay so that’s PRETTY much the end of it. i decided pretty quickly after that that i was DONE with this person forever. that this wasn’t the kind of friendship i wanted. over the next few days i came to realize i should have been done with this person almost immediately. again, weird parallels to my worst ex. you don’t have to be dating someone or romantic w them for it to be a super abusive relationship. well anyhow i decided to avoid facebook or communicating w them for a bit so i could figure out how to like “officially end it”. because i was sure that they’d have gone on fb and written one of their common “i’m sorry i acted that way BUT” fake apologies where they pretend to be sorry but then negate the apologies by justifying all their behavior by making me out as some super abusive monster. 3 days later, i bite the bullet and check facebook, bc i realize this also is a pretty easy way for me to like... end it with them in a polite and cordial way? to pretend i don’t hate them. to talk to them in a way that hopefully keeps them from freaking out at me the next time our paths cross? also bc deep down i still do remember the good times and have a bit of respect for them. sure enough, it was there. the half-apology that leads into “you need to learn how to talk to people”. “you bullied me just like this person”. “when you talk to anyone you should use this tone”. tbh i only barely glazed over it. i started my reply along the lines of “i don’t want to get into a big discussion about what happened, but i think it would be best if we parted ways. i don’t think we’re compatible as friends. i hope we can be polite if we ever run into each other again. i’m really sorry that it turned out this way.” etc etc etc. part way in, i noticed their last short msg. sent way after the initial bunch of “sorry not sorry”s. it was just a half sentence. “i guess i should apologize for jumping in front of your car...” ... THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE. THAT BASTARD. THEY REALLY DID IT. THEY REALLY WERE TRYING TO FORCE ME TO INJURE THEM WITH MY CAR SO THEY COULD ENTRAP ME OR SUE ME OR FUCK MY LIFE UP. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CRAZY AND PARANOID WHEN I HAD THAT THOUGHT BUT IT WAS TRUE. THAT ABSOLUTE LUNATIC. *deep breath* i’m still shaken. it was just a fluke that i didn’t step on the gas before i noticed them against my bumper. it EASILY could’ve gone down in the worst way. god. and all this over me asking them to stop playing sonic mania. tbh the experience kinda soured the game a bit for me? i mean... thank god it’s so good but really who even gives a shit bc it’s just a game like GOD fucking DAMN i can’t believe i had something so FUCKED happen at this stage in my life. i know it’s a really self-hating thing to do to blame myself for having someone like that around but... my. god. i ended up sending the fb message that i was initially planning and ignoring all the impulses to scream at them or call some authority (idek what i could do here) or tell them they need immediate help or what bc what the fuck. and i haven’t checked fb since. i wanna be done forever. i don’t ever wanna see or hear or hear about this person again. it’s a bit silly but i’m cleaning house and getting rid of all the stuff they got for me (i rejected most of their “wooing” gifts but a few still got through bc general gift exchange”. i know it’s messed up but i even washed all the clothes i was wearing w them regardless if it needed a wash or not. maybe it was symbolic. but they’re dead to me. god. it’s not just for the best it’s goddamn mandatory.

ANYWAYS so that’s it i guess. sorry i know how long this was. i don’t REALLY expect anyone to read through all this. but if you do, plz lmk so i can say thanks i guess lol? it’s just nice to get it all out there bc it kinda messed me up... really bad? idk. and oh um i’ll still reply to people individually for asking about the previous post that related to this? but it’s taking me a bit to do replies bc i’m just... kinda scared regarding social stuff rn considering. i guess the last thing i’ll say is if part of you is telling yourself that someone is abusive and you find yourself constantly making really big considerations or umm excuses just to hang out with someone? maybe don’t. there are many good people out there for you. abusive people can be dangerous. be careful and try to surround yourself with nice, happy people. <3

#personal #long #toxic

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cover2covermom · 7 years ago

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Why hello there February! Ta-ta January!!!

I don’t know about you all, but I had a fantastic month. Not only was I able to slay my January TBR and read a total of 10 books, but I was able to get back into my blogging groove.

Let’s see how I fared in January, shall we?

» After being on a hiatus from October – December 2017, I feel like I am finally back into the swing of things. I really focused this month on writing book reviews to clear out my backlog of NetGalley reviews. This will most likely continue through February until I am all caught up.

» Moving forward, I will only be writing full reviews for books I receive for review. For all other books I read, I will be breaking them up into genres (historical fiction, fantasy, thriller, etc) & posting mini-reviews once I have about 5 books to review in each category. I wish I had time to review every book I read, but it just isn’t realistic since I read much faster than I review.

*Book titles link to Goodreads

» The House at the Edge of Night by Catherine Banner

Feelings in a few thoughts:

this book is a gem – I wish it had received more attention when it came out in 2016 ¤ set on an island off the coast of Italy – small island living where everyone is in everyone else’s business

loved the inclusion of folklore & superstition (inspired by Sicilian & Italian folklore?

this book follows one family over the span of the 20th century – you would think character development would suffer as the different descendants come to the forefront of the story, but the author somehow pulls it off so well

family secrets & drama

interesting seeing the progression of the island community throughout the course of the century

» The Girl in the Tower (Winternight #2) by Katherine Arden

Feelings in a few thoughts:

Even BETTER than the first book!

I love Vasya’s character. I love that she is fierce, brave, independent, level-headed, and kind

Political intrigue

Sibling relationships – complicated, but at the end of the day they always have each other’s backs.

Religious tones – not preachy. Christianity vs. Paganism.

I’m a sucker for books where women disguise themselves as men – Think Mulan

The Bear and the Nightingale was a slower moving book for world building purposes – The Girl in the Tower is an action packed adventure.

If you enjoy this series, I’d recommend the YA historical fiction (no fantasy) series The Conqueror’s Saga: And I Darken & Now I Rise by Kiersten White. It is a gender swap retelling of Vlad the Impaler.

» Tumbledown Manor by Helen Brown

Feelings in a few thoughts:

Same plotline as Under the Tuscan Sun – divorced woman moves to another country, buys old house, begins fixing up old house with goofy contractors, disasters along the way, and a wedding at the house at the end of the book… sound familiar?

The romance was very awkward.

Struggled with the writing at times: “But his pillow was as vacant as the wastelands of Antarctica” “It was her favorite pillow, so it probably harbored superbugs.” “The scar ran in a horizontal line across her torso like a ruler marking the end of a school essay.” “…row of suns yellow as egg yolks.” “Scott’s boots lay like a pair of drunken sailors under the step.”

Best part about the book is that the MC is an author who writes a series of books based off the Brontë sisters, so there were lots of tidbits of information about the sisters and their lives.

Love the cover

» May the Road Rise Up to Meet You by Peter Troy

Feelings in a few thoughts:

This book is about 4 hours too long – because of the length & slower moving plot, this book took me a month to read.

The convergence of the 2 love stories didn’t really work for me. There wasn’t a significant enough connection between Ethan/Marcella and Micah/Mary. They all just kind of met up at the end, which felt a little forced.

This book needed to be separated into two books: Ethan & Marcella’s story, and Micah & Mary’s story. I enjoyed both stories, but it was too much all together.

This wasn’t a bad book by any means, just feel that the author was a little too ambitious.

» The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

Feelings in a few thoughts:

The Handmaid’s Tale is timeless. I cannot believe this book was written in the early 80’s.

With the current situation in the U.S., this book felt very relevant. It is also what makes it so terrifying, the fact that it isn’t so unbelievable as you would hope.

This wasn’t exactly an enjoyable read. It made me angry, which was Atwood’s intent.

Loved the open-endness of this book and felt it was really fitting of the story for us to leave some things up to the reader’s imagination.

The way THT is written took a little bit to get used to – switches from present to past frequently without clear indication.

This book isn’t action packed, but it still packs a punch.

» Nora & Kettle by Lauren Nicolle Taylor

Feelings in a few thoughts:

Content/Trigger Warning: child abuse. This book ended up including a topic that I am very sensitive to: child abuse. Generally I can handle books that do not go into graphic detail, but unfortunately this one did. This was a hard book for me to get through.

Going to leave this one unrated because it ended up include a topic I am sensitive to. I don’t feel like it would be fair to rate this one because of this.

This book would have been better as a single POV book. I feel like it would have been better to tell this one through Kettle’s eyes alone.

Loved that the characters in this story showed the aftermath of the interment of Japanese Americans during WWII, HOWEVER the author gave zero information about the actual event. We only get small flashbacks of life in the camp through the characters’ eyes, but we don’t get any actual historical context. If you are not familiar with this event in history, you would have to look it up to see what the author is talking about.

Less a Peter Pan retelling, and more like the story was inspired by Peter Pan – this aspect was well done.

» The Queen of Blood (The Queens of Renthia #1) by Sarah Beth Durst

*4.5 stars*

Feelings in a few thoughts:

I loved the world in The Queen of Blood: the idea that humans & spirits (water, earth, air, fire, etc.) have to coexist despite the fact that spirits desire the eradication of all humans. The setting was also intriguing: people colonizing in trees together to form villages & cities… very whimsical

Daleina was such an awesome main character. I admired her level-headedness, cleverness, dedication, work ethic, and bravery. I also really appreciated that she was not the best, in fact she struggled, with controlling the spirits. It was refreshing to see someone who had to make up for things that do not come naturally with hard work and cleverness.

I was worried at first that this book was going to be cliché, but it wasn’t like anything I had read before. Some things were not a big shock, but I was still surprised a fair amount of times.

Positive female friendship – zero girl hate!

The ending was on point!

» The Hatching (The Hatching #1) by Ezekiel Boone

Feelings in a few thoughts:

I stepped WAY outside of my comfort zone with this one… I tend to avoid books that have to do with things I am terrified of, like man-eating spiders.

If I had no idea who the author was before reading this, I could have told you it was written by a man. This book definitely feels like a book that would appeal to the “man’s man.” This is not a criticism of the book, just that you should not expect “flowery writing.”

I would describe this book as being a little “rough around the edges.” It has foul language and is crude at times, which doesn’t bother me, but if you are easily offended this probably isn’t your book.

Despite the fact that this book terrified me, it was very readable – I had to know what was going to happen next.

Loved that Boone had so many female characters in positions of power in this story: the president, a marine squad leader, a leading scientist in the field of spiders…

While I understand why the author chose to tell this story by introducing us to multiple characters, it was almost too much. I would have preferred for the story to have been told through 3-4 main POVs, and leave the others off. We were introduced to a new character every chapter up until the 30% mark before we cycled back around to some of the past characters.

The Hatching leaves us with a HUGE cliffhanger, enough of one that I am throwing around the idea of reading the next book.

» Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Feelings in a few thoughts:

I would have adored this book when I was in high school. This is such an appropriate YA romance.

There isn’t much of a plotline – this is a very character driven story.

Would recommend to fans of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe BUT I felt the pacing of this book was much better than Aristotle and Dante

Positive family dynamics with parents that are actually involved with their children’s’ lives. A teenager actually got grounded in a YA book?! Thank you! I don’t know about you all, but I spent much of my teen years grounded.

Positive friendships for the most part – just a smidge of “girl hate” in Leah & Abby’s relationship, BUT there was at least a reasoning behind it.

The author nailed Simon’s perspective – I really felt like I was in the head of a teenager.

There were two parts in the plot that annoyed me a little – they both have to do with separate fights that Leah & Abby have with Simon… Really? HOWEVER I try to keep in mind that these are teenagers.

FYI: Simon’s last name (Spier) is pronounced “SP-EAR” – I just looked at the spelling and if I hadn’t listened to it via audiobook I would have been pronouncing it “SPY-ER”

» Binti (Binti #1) by Nnedi Okorafor

Feelings in a few thoughts:

This world gave me Star Wars and The Fifth Element vibes.

There were times where I had a difficult time following along & understanding the world & the concepts – this isn’t a criticism of the book per se, as it is probably more me not being able to wrap my head around everything.

The writing is breathtaking.

Themes: cultural diversity, peace, communication, customs & traditions, forging one’s own path, etc.

Binti was an amazing female lead – smart, talented, brave, level-headed, etc.

The audiobook is wonderfully narrated by Robin Miles,

I really wish this had been a full length novel – how was the author able to pack in such a mind-blowing world in such a short novella?!?

I think fans of The Fifth Season would enjoy this novella series.

2017 Reading Wrap-Up + Bookish Goals for 2018

January 2018 TBR

2017 New Releases I Wish I Had Read in 2017

Book Event: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng Book Tour

Book Event: The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo Book Tour

Book Reviews:

Book Review: The Last Girl (The Dominion Trilogy #1) by Joe Hart

Book Review: North of Here by Laurel Saville

Book Review: Enchanted Islands by Allison Amend

Book Reiew: Risuko: A Kunoichi Tale by David Kudler

eBooks:

» As Good As True by Cheryl Reid

A powerful and haunting novel of a woman’s broken past and the painful choices she must make to keep her family and her home.

August 1956. After a night of rage and terror, Anna Nassad wakes to find her abusive husband dead and instinctively hides her bruises and her relief. As the daughter of Syrian immigrants living in segregated Alabama, Anna has never belonged, and now her world is about to erupt.

Days before, Anna set in motion an explosive chain of events by allowing the first black postman to deliver the mail to her house. But it’s her impulsive act of inviting him inside for a glass of water that raises doubts about Anna’s role in her husband’s death.

As threats and suspicions arise in the angry community, Anna must confront her secrets in the face of devastating turmoil and reconcile her anguished relationship with her daughter. Will she discover the strength to fight for those she loves most, even if it means losing all she’s ever known?

» Declaration: A Poetry Chapbook in Three Movements by Jeff Roush

This poetry chapbook constitutes the first collection published by Jeff Roush. Its inspiration and organizational structure come from Jefferson’s inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The chapbook focuses its linguistic eye and musical ear on quiet moments in everyday life that fall among and across these lofty concepts.

Physical Books:

» Beartown by Fredrik Backman

The #1 New York Times bestselling author of A Man Called Ove returns with a dazzling, profound novel about a small town with a big dream—and the price required to make it come true.

People say Beartown is finished. A tiny community nestled deep in the forest, it is slowly losing ground to the ever encroaching trees. But down by the lake stands an old ice rink, built generations ago by the working men who founded this town. And in that ice rink is the reason people in Beartown believe tomorrow will be better than today. Their junior ice hockey team is about to compete in the national semi-finals, and they actually have a shot at winning. All the hopes and dreams of this place now rest on the shoulders of a handful of teenage boys.

Being responsible for the hopes of an entire town is a heavy burden, and the semi-final match is the catalyst for a violent act that will leave a young girl traumatized and a town in turmoil. Accusations are made and, like ripples on a pond, they travel through all of Beartown, leaving no resident unaffected.

Beartown explores the hopes that bring a small community together, the secrets that tear it apart, and the courage it takes for an individual to go against the grain. In this story of a small forest town, Fredrik Backman has found the entire world.

Which books did you read this month?

Have you read any of the books I read or hauled this month? If so, what did you think?

Did you buy any books? If so, which ones?

Comment below & let me know 🙂

How was your #reading month in January? I read 10 #books! See which ones in my #wrapup. #BookBlogger #Bookworm Why hello there February! Ta-ta January!!! I don't know about you all, but I had a fantastic month.

#Am Reading #Bibliophile #book blog #book blogger #Book Haul #Book Nerd #Book Worm #Bookish #Books #Bookworm #Reading #Wrap Up

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gongorawork · 4 years ago

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Endings, in search of happy endings

Endings

In search of Happy Endings

By Anthony Gongora

How do we find the end?

More specifically the end of systemic dysfunctions?

Dysfunctions, which manifest in every form of oppression.

When we look at racism, poverty, gender inequality, LGBTQ discrimination, corporate greed, political corruption, cradle to prison pipeline, global warming, white supremacy, hunger, the decimation of the rain forest, addiction, false information, testing regimens in early education, which only measures the excellence of people who are good test-takers, or the huge debt incurred pursuing higher education, religious dogma, and war we can measure oppression.

Each of the above systemic forms of oppression was started by men which means that they can all be ended.

But how?

How do we end societal structures that no longer serve humanity in terms of becoming our best possible example of what human life can be?

How do we find and create endings?

Looking at life as an example for endings there is a clear cycle of - birth to death. Every single living entity on this earth, irrelevant of the span-of-time, lives then dies. And so too, everything that humans make, we can unmake. Nothing is permanent. Nothing.

If something appears as fixed and unalterable, question it, and remember that a human-made the illusion of its permanence, which thankfully can be undone.

A symptom of systemic dysfunction is choosing consciously or unconsciously to forget.

For myself, forgetting comes from sheer exhaustion. I’m guessing that this could be true for others too.

Being active and present to fight the good fight requires a lot of energy, which after working 60 - 80 hours a week is hard to come by.

By the way, nobody that I know works the mythical 40 hours a week.

American culture has reduced the human experience to work, eat, sleep, and consume.

We are being worked to death physically and psychologically.

This is not accidental.

Being forced to stay in a nearly constant state of mental and physical fatigue builds a society that is numb. A passive society makes it possible for the people in power to keep power.

The gatekeepers - the ultra-rich, create and cultivate a culture that demands that people work constantly.

The few people at the top live for life. While everybody else works for life.

I'd like to share my life as a worker as an example. As an Artist/Educator and someone who was raised in poverty and within the welfare system, I have always lived in what I have labeled as “survival mode,” which means living from paycheck to paycheck with nothing extra. No savings and no emergency funds or family monies or inheritance. I have, from the age of 10 years old, always had multiple jobs at once.

As a child, I sorted returned soda bottles at the convenience store and I also worked on an Ice cream truck. I was paid with products, not money. When I shared my candy rewards with my mom, she said, “next time get milk or bread”. I did.

As an adult with a terminal degree, and as a full-time professor, to make ends meet, I had to supplement my income teaching adjunct at another university. I worked constantly. Though I have done everything prescribed by our society to get ahead, and I have done it well, I still have not achieved financial security. At 54, I still live hand to mouth in survival mode.

Something is broken and it is not me.

The myth that if you work really hard you will get ahead is not true.

The myth is kept alive because if the workers don’t go to work the ultra-rich can’t stay rich.

Myths that cause dysfunction need to end.

Do you ever wonder why the accumulation of wealth is the dominant measure of “success” and why are we all encourage to pursue that singular end?

My thinking goes like this, if we make money, a lot or a little, we tend to spend what we have to buy the newest object, which we believe will make our lives better. To reinforce this nearly every surface that we glance is selling us something. Through savvy marketing - pretty pictures, alluring words, and now algorithms that convince us that we have to have the object of our affection, we spend our money.

We spend our hard-earned cash to get the things that we don’t necessarily need.

Why?

Because we have been manipulated.

In the end, we are left cash-poor all the while making the rich richer - it is that simple.

In our minds, the thought of making more and more money is a constant tick.

Do you ever wonder who placed that tick in your mind?

The kooky part is that we make the money and then we give it right back. We temporarily feel successful and fulfilled because we own the object. However, now that our cash is gone we have to do more work to get more money to buy things that we don’t necessarily need.

Truth be told at the end of the day, having been overworked, and underpaid most are too exhausted to deeply question anything.

And if we find ourselves questioning our present state of being we quickly defend our status, answering ourselves back with, “I’m doing fine, I have a roof over my head and food on my table.”

FYI, African slaves had the same provided by their enslavers. I’m just saying.

Advertisers are paid a lot of money to get us to spend our cash and their work works.

Is that power?

What is power?

Artist, Lauren Hill killed it when she penned the lyrics “If you can get the money you can get the power.” Truth. But, who has the power, truthfully, our politicians and government leader?

No. It is the ultra-rich who uses extreme wealth to influence and manipulate politicians to move and act in ways that favor their potential to accumulation more wealth.

Excessive wealth is Power.

Ultra Rich’s point of access to power is in the wallets and purses of our politicians and government leaders. Why else do you think the super-rich give huge sums of money to specific politicians as they run for office.

Believe you me it’s not out of the generosity of their hearts. It is to be able to pull the strings of their puppets and to wield their power. Otherwise, they’d give equally to each party.

This practice of giving is called being a donor, which seems to make it okay.

It is not.

Whenever an ultra-rich person gives a donation to a politician in order to tip the scales in their favor, specifically to accumulate more wealth, corruption is happening.

Why does and should this matter to every American?

Because, if the ultra-rich are manipulating our elected officials to represent their causes then nobody is there to represent the rest of us.

I’d like this to end.

I’d like the corruption of our politicians to end.

I want my elected officials to represent all Americans not just the Ultra-Rich.

Do you ever wonder why the collective cultural and possible global mantra, for all, starting from childhood is, “get a job?”

Remember, as a child, being asked over and over again, “What are you going to be when you grow up?”

Are you making the connections?

If not, here is how it goes. From day one we are being programmed to be workers.

Look at the trajectory of life that we all prescribe to, first-day care, then preschool, elementary school, high school, then pay a lot of money to learn a trade or go to college - start your adult life in major debt. Get a job. Make money. Spend everything to fulfill your dreams (does this ever happen?). Teach your children to do the same. Die. The End.

All of the above my friends is systemic cooperate greed realized through

our bodies, our labor, our spending/consuming. We are the fuel that keeps corporate greed running.

Whether we intend to be or not we are complicit. What makes us complicit is that we do not collectively make it end.

Cooperate greed is a byproduct of Capitalism, which we know is the pursuit of constant growth, which we know is an impossible reality to continue to strive towards.

And why would we want to?

What “growth” means - really means is the accumulation of more wealth for the already ultra-rich.

You can not have a constant growth of anything forever especially when all of life is contained on one planet and that planet is not limitless in its resources. There is x amount of atmosphere, x amount of landmasses, and x amount of sea. There are fluctuations but for the most part, what we have is what we got.

We have to learn to see the earth not as limitless in its potential to serve our desire for more-more-more. But rather as a miraculous grouping of ecological systems that balance off of one another. The balancing mechanisms may not be invisible to our eyes but they are there non the less. When we level mountaintops for coal, or clear-cut forests, or pollute the seas with plastic, or cause catastrophic oil leaks - we the humane race are tipping the balance.

COVID-19 is a perfect example, somehow, somewhere the balance tipped and something stable became unstable. More than likely the destabilization was caused by man.

If we do not change our mindless and greedy treatment of this planet it is not the planet that will suffer it will be us. The Earth does not need humans to survive. Humans need the Earth to survive. If we continue to unconsciously pollute and deplete the earth's natural resources we will end. The earth will still be here but we will not.

Governments are, in part, formed to help manage the complexities of life here on Earth. Our current government's miss-management of COVID-19 is the perfect example and evidence of a government that is not doing its job.

In a time when our elected government leaders should be focused on protecting all life, they instead choose to keep the cash flowing to the rich.

This is how it's going down:

First, the economy crashed. And, in only three months. Due to shelter in place orders from the top. The ultra-rich stopped making their vast amounts of money. For them, that was not acceptable. The economy had to be reopened. Our top government leaders, specifically the one at the tip-top, who also happens to be one of the ultra-rich, then passed the buck, laying the responsibility and discission making upon local governments.

Mind You, all of this is being done while trying to navigate the deep and murky waters of an unprecedented GLOBAL Pandemic.

local governments are now tasked with the dilemma of prioritizing life or money. And it is not money for me and you. It is money for the ultra-rich. Workers are putting their life at risk, but it is ok according to our current leaders because our life is less important than their continued accumulation of wealth. The wealth that they use to hold power. If you are not in the 1% club your life is disposable. This is where our present-day democracy has arrived - Money versus Life.

All of which, by the way, is a horrific loop back to our beginnings. Starting with the genocide of America's First People and then the enslavement of Africans. So in a tragic way we are back to where we started. The sacrifice of life for the profit of the white man.

I don’t know about you but I would like to END this version of reality.

Remember as a child questioning everything? It is from that state of mind that a new form of society can be born. There are other ways of being and it is up to us to create them.

Pause here and think about this - a Pandemic stoped a huge portion of the “working” world. People were able to step off the hamster wheel of life. Many had the time and space to relax. We could do this because we were not being worked to death. Then within that same time frame, a single action, the brutal murder of George Floyd, by a police officer - ignited a collective global reaction.

The Black Lives Matter movement awoke the globe. Let this sink in, because of the pandemic, most people were out of work and because of this, we all had the internal space and time to process and question the status quo.

We can at any time and in any place begin to compose endings. And, orchestrate new beginnings. We do this by constantly questioning and adjusting and updating our understanding of reality. Present-day reality is not fixed. Nothing is permanent.

Just think, inside the brains of some amazing beautiful humans is the design for change. Change that supports all life - all life meaning the planet and its oceans, nature, wildlife, and humans alike.

Don’t be fooled by those that say change takes time. Change can happen instantly. Think of 911 and Hiroshima. Change does not have to take hundreds of years to fulfill itself. Change can happen instantly. Sadly, these two examples are violent ones. However, on the other end of the spectrum, there is non-violence. Change through non-violence can happen quickly too.

Systemic Racism, Capitalism, corporate greed, and all the above-mentioned inequalities, which perpetuate oppression can be changed for the betterment of all of humanity and the planet.

How?

By holding our elected officials accountable.

By being sure that democracy is working for all people, not just the minority - the ultra-rich.

As a gentle reminder to all, Democracy is defined as government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.

“Supreme power is vested in the people,” say that again to your self ten-time and see if it feels like the democracy that you are living in now or ever.

This is why it is so very important to be informed and to vote. When you vote you are exercising your supreme power.

Democracy only works when every citizen participates.

Another reason why our democracy is challenged is that we have not stood in the truth of our inception and then worked rigorously to make right the wrongs that we have done, we remain trapped within a 240 - something-year-old self-deception loop. Stuck repeating ourselves over and over and over again. Which we will continue to do until we make our wrongs right, which is a holistic way to end things that need to end.

As we think about endings can we please add war to the list of things that desperately need to end.

The United States of America was formed out of a War and we have perpetuated war ever since. We claim to be making peace but war can never bring about peace. Never not ever. Because war is peace’s opposite and the two exist as a polarity. It’s like asking night and day to flip flop. They can’t.

As long as we perpetuate the illusions that war makes peace, reality can not be altered. If we want to live on this planet in harmony as a peaceful nation we have to discover new ways to solve war-like issues without going to war.

Come on people, honestly, at this stage of the game why is anybody still at war. Nobody wins everybody loses.

Whose bodies are sacrificed in war?

I’ll give you a hint it is not the rich.

Believe it or not our brains hold alternative ways to solve global crises.

How about using our minds to solve war generating problems rather than spending billions of dollars to perpetuate senseless death and the illusion of being peacemakers.

Food for thought - our government spends billions of dollars teaching people in our military to kill.

Funny. But not, we charge college students hundreds of thousands of dollars to learn a profession that serves the betterment of humanity.

If you want to be a medical doctor (save lives) it cost about three hundred thousand dollars.

Let this sink in. Really sink in.

Human life should not be disposable especially when it comes to financing someones’ helicopter or yacht purchase, their fourth home, tenth car. Do you get it? We stay at war because it is a billion-dollar industry that lines the pockets of the ultra-rich.

How do we end such a long split tong tale?

By being inquisitive again. Re-Awaken your child-like mind and ask why. And then ask why again until some depth of understanding is ignited and your curiosity guides you to new and different realizations. The place where your knowledge exists within your being derived from a place of deep contemplation and consideration, which is the opposite of being told what to believe. The full comprehension of any given idea not only expands your mind it opens your heart. And nobody can do this for you. We are each one of us responsible for expanding and opening our minds.

While we are at it can we stop teaching our children a one-sided history? The history we presently teach needs to be updated. History needs to be holistic and inclusive, including the ugly shameful parts. We can only repair what we know. It’s the bad parts that keep us stuck and spinning. Repeating.

In the vacuum caused by a one-sided history, nonsensical conspiracy theories rise to fill in the void.

Why do Conspiracy theories easily replace reality or trump history?

Because following and attaching to conspiracy theories entertain. One gets to weave their own possible outcomes, which is far more fun then dealing with a past wrought with anguish and suffering.

No work is required to be entertained. To be entertained is to have something done too and for you, one has to simply receive entertainment.

To untangle and make transparent a history that has erased the history of others who coexist within that same history is hard work. And, with so much time stretched out between the tale

telling, forgetting feels easier than remembering. One might hear their internal voice say “I’m not responsible for what others did so lone ago.”

When one attaches their thoughts to the phrase, “I’m not responsible…,” a profound intellectual disconnect occurs. The potential of participating in making what is wrong - right, ends. By disassociating one takes the passenger seat on a motorcycle side-car zipping along the stream of interconnectedness. It is irrelevant if one chooses to tag along, rather than jump in the mud, because life is going to do what life does, with or without us.

All of life - everything on this planet is connected. We do not choose to participate in interconnectedness - or not. The planet Earth, by its nature, connects every element of existence. It is that simple. Interconnectedness happens with or without our participation.

Remember nothing is fixed or permanent all of like is in flux.

COVID 19 and The Black Lives Matter movement might be the forces needed to realize the beginning of the end of oppression. And if not, at the very least, we are witnessing, participating, and hopefully learning what creating endings looks like.

Inevitably. Everything on this earth man-made or otherwise does eventually end.

Let’s make endings by our design and not leave it up to chance.

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