#a mindset and a will I hope continues and grows

[drysaladandketchup]

it's been said but I'll say it again: no matter who takes the series, the oilers have done something incredible this season. the terrible start forced them to regroup and rebuild themselves in such a short time, forced them to look in the mirror, grit their teeth, and find that will to win, strength in the face of adversity, fortitude, and a conviction to reach that 'better' they knew they had. they could have crumbled, but they didn't.

now what have they done? made a historic comeback, broken records, gone on an epic winning streak, fought their way into the playoffs, come back from multiple series deficits, and now this epic 3-0 resurrection. together. always believing in themselves and in each other. and having fun doing it.

they should be proud of this season. no one can say they didn't earn their place in the final. they have proven themselves, not just to naysayers, not just to fans, but to themselves.

[likedbyuarmyhope]

i love festa i’ve been waiting all year its my favorite thing ever and im so excited to see what they’ve been preparing for us... im in this bangtan sonyeondan shit for life

[sagelasters]

barbados is a mindset

“Yes. You are now in Barbados. And so… you see Barbados, and you see America from Barbados, and you can smell the tropical land of Barbados, see only the little homes of Barbados, and that’s all you do. You just simply sleep this night in Barbados.” - Abdullah tells Neville.

Before Neville Goddard knew of the law and practiced it, his country was plunged in a state of instability. Poverty runs rampant as the global stock market crashes, sparking panic and leaving many penniless. Neville explained the vivid details of homeless people scattered all over tunnels and city square, eyes void of hope for the future. He was unemployed just like millions of others, his career as a dancer wasn’t enough to support his living. Neville lived in a basement for years with little to no income until one day, he met his friend, Abdullah. 

Abdullah was well-off and is the son of the US secretary of the Treasury, who served under the 32nd president. The differences between them were large and Neville was aware of it. He confided in his friend and told him that he has this haunting desire to visit Barbados again. The only thing that was stopping Neville though, was the lack of money. In which Abdullah says, 

“You are in Barbados.”

Of course, Neville thought he was nuts but the man decided to try and assume that he was in Barbados. That night, he went to sleep thinking that he would wake up in Barbados, only to be disappointed that he woke up in the cold basement he called his home. Neville would come back and tell Abdullah that it didn’t work, only for the latter to ignore him. Despite that Neville kept persisting and on the morning of December, he got a letter from his older brother asking him to visit his family in Barbados – his brother had paid a third class ticket. Excited, Neville told Abdullah that he is going to Barbados however, his friend was unimpressed. Abdullah told Neville that he wasn’t boarding a third class ticket, he was going to go there with a first class ticket. 

And guess what? When Neville gave his ticket to the clerk by the desk as they’re checking in passengers, they told him that someone canceled their first class ticket, therefore a spot was available for him. 

Abdullah ignored Neville when he said ‘it didn’t work’ because it did work, if Neville was assuming that he was in Barbados, they wouldn’t be having this discussion about him not being there. What can you take from this story? I would say that unfortunate circumstances don't matter, especially when we see how bad and dire Neville’s financial situation was. Come on, he was in a country torn apart by war and poverty, yet he was still able to visit Barbados. Neville didn’t think of how he’d get there, he just simply assumed that he was there, and his 3D reality follows right after. 

Barbados is a mindset. If you can imagine yourself having it and then accept that it is yours, you’re at the end. Your assumption is the fetus, continue nourishing it with beliefs and affirmations – let that child grow and become. If you drop your assumption that basically means you’re neglecting the fetus, and it will eventually die from starvation. 

It doesn't matter if you have no money, it doesn't matter if you're in an abusive situation, it doesn't matter that you barely have a roof over your head. You are already in Barbados, tune into your inner man and bask in that.

EDIT: My apologies for getting the information mixed up. Abdullah is not the son of US secretary, rather he lived in a house that was rented by the latter. Sorry for the confusion!

[dreamertf]

Follow the Instructions

/hello! Hope you enjoy this one, im gonna start tagging ai as #ai tf so if you dont want to see any ai images in your tfs you can block that tag. Ill also be putting a disclaimer at the top of each post that has ai.

/contains ai images & video

/includes; muscle growth, suggestion tf, straight to gay tf

"Yeah, Im feeling fine!"

Jason was tired of how weak and scrawny his best friend Max stayed throughout their time in high school and now, college. So he had given Max a new black market roid that promised to "make him a bro." He crushed up a few of the pills without looking at the instructions and baked it into a cookie he gave Max.

Jason wasn't so bad himself, 6'4" and muscular, with a charming face. Little did he know that his height that he had since he was a sophmore in highschool would be changing.

Jason stared at Max as his skin started to ripple and shift.

"Are you sure?"

"Never better, bro."

Max ripped his shirt off as his muscles swelled. A deep canyon of rippling abs leading up to two giant slabs of muscle. He flexed and stretched as his biceps filled out.

"Sorry, im feeling a little hot." Max said non chalantly. His muscles continued to grow as he flexed them.

"Oh my god it worked"

"What worked?"

"Oh nothing, dont worry about it."

"Ok brah"

Their surrounds changed from school as it turned into a living room, a living room Jason had been in so many times before, Max's living room. All of a sudden, Jason felt a pull towards Max. He couldn't stop looking at him, like literally. He traced Max's outline as each muscle became more prominent. He stared at the giant as he grew taller and taller, but something wasn't right. It was like everything around Jason was getting taller too.

Unfortunately, Jason hadn't looked into how the roid actually worked. On the back of the small blue box, it read ;

Are you tired of being weak and nerdy? We got you covered. We believe the human mind is a powerful tool, and our Bro Pill helps you to use it to your full potential! Not only does it shift your mindset to be more focused on sports and the bros, but it also changes various other aspects of your life in order to fit your new you! We recommend taking one pill weekly until desired affects.

WARNING: taking more than one pill a week may intensify the effect you have on other people

Jason panicked as he felt himself losing muscle and height. His features softened as he turned from a rugged man into a young 20 something twink. It looks like the god of Jason's creation has type cast him as his twinky boyfriend. Making Max a jock apparently didn't override his sexuality.

"What are you doing to me?"

His voice was still deep, too deep for someone like him.

"Make that voice a little higher, and can you please quit being so worried brah? Be like me, stop thinkin as much little guy huhuhu."

A wave of relief came over Jason as he collapsed onto the couch. His body continued to shrink as he lost his height, becoming about 5'6" compared to Max's new 6'8". His musculature toned down more, not as defined anymore.

"Whatever you say babe" Jason giggled, his voice much higher and more flamboyant.

"Thats my pretty boy." Conversely, Max's voice became much deeper and demanding. Jason felt himself starting to get hornier.

"I'm so happy i couldfind you. Your ass was like made for my dick huhuhu" Max said as he spread his legs wide as his pouch grew bigger. He had one more explosive growth as his shoulder broadened and his pecs filled out more. Jason shifted in his seat as his ass grew more plump and muscular.

"What do you mean?" Jason feigned innocence, turning the ditziness all the way up.

"Come here and I'll show you, slut."

[chiyoso]

chiyo ik ur taking a break but i need... i need a jjk fan to hear this

,,,,,, g g g g gojo satoru and you getting married but ,,, but,,,, you're so irresistible you both had,,, yk,,, in the car while going to the church... only wearing your veil too....

WAIT IS THAT BAD

on another note i do hope your college life treats u well cause... yeah <33 i read that you're on medication? i wish you a get well soon mwamwamwa and nothing but luck and fortune as always hehehe

“wedding day, breeding day”

j. kaisen : gojo satoru.

gojo satoru, the strongest, and gojo satoru, the impatient. he always was, and that impatience will not stop him from dicking you down on your way to the church, just a car ride away before the event, the event of your wedding with him.

▶NOTE. i can't resist the idea, and i wanna get used to taking requests so... i'm gonna use your prompt to practice my mindset, thank you for checking up on me jiji ilysfm <33!!

“y-you just... you just couldn't wait, could you?”

“how the—fuck, how could i mamas?”

the poor driver's cheeks and ears flushed a sinful pink hearing your broken sobs, now debating if he shouldn't partake in guilt, or... keep the window down to listen to the sounds of sex behind him.

you whisper, or attempt to. “the driver- ’t-toru the driver's—” “—don't care, don't care, don't care.” he speaks out with every thrust, his moans growing and mixing with yours.

the limousine continues to drive, to the church, but in comparison to earlier's driving, it had slowed down quite a bit, benefitting your soon-to-be-husband's stability. your hamstrings were pressed against his ruffled, messed up torso, the rest of your legs hung over his shoulders.

“it's-... y-you know it's bad to see your partner before—s-shit!” you moan out arching your head against the window, letting satoru see your face.

you gave up the act once satoru brought a hand down between your legs, his thumb beginning to rub your pretty clit with a mischievous, slurred smile. “my clan wanted the publicity for this shit,”

he pauses his movement, his cock buried into yours, he could feel you tense, clenching him, feeling that lubricated twitching around him.

you look up to him dazed and puzzled, and he curls himself forward, towering over your seated form. “shocking news! the gojo heir, marrying!?”

he grins, attempting to pull his cock right out of you slowly, you were just so tight, so warm, holding onto him and his needy cock like that.

“s-shit baby,” he moves one of your legs down while he continued to hold the other over his shoulder. satoru's free hand gets occupied by his cock, stroking himself while you bit down your bottom lip to the sexy sight.

“stuck-ups, all of them,” he says bitterly with a grunt, but that bitterment melts once he moves his hips forwards again, rubbing the underside of his aching cock above your leaky pussy, stimulating hot pleasure onto your clit.

you whimper, seeing him prepare his cock again to enter inside you, but the limousine comes to a halt. his eyes dart up from you, towards the window behind; annoying, blinding camera flashes, clueless happy people, starstrucked paparazzi—and he grins once more.

“look mamas, they're all so damn eager for us,”

just like both of your warm cores, twitching against each other. “prying, dirty fucks,” he hisses once he prys open your downed leg wider to the side, giving him a gate to heaven itself.

flash one, flash two, three, and more. the amount of times a flash blinds the two of you from outside the limousine, he thrusts his cock inside simultaneously, urgently, his cock getting sucked up by your insides while embracing your leg over his shoulder. “th-that's it baby, just like that, take me all, take me all,” he sucks up a shaky inhale.

“fuck—fuck—fuck,” satoru slurrs out with every thrust, and all you could do was pant heavily, a hand covering your mouth to muffle your soft mewling. “gonna cum baby? you gonna cum? i can feel—i feel your insides taking me in so well,”

“shit mamas,” warmth coiled behind his spine, satoru's thrusts became sloppier, frantic, chasing his satisfaction, unsteady and throaty exhales more pronounced. “play with your dirty pussy,”

“play—fuuuck, fuck i'm gonna-” both of his hands clung around on your leg, hazy eyes now closing to focus on that increasing sensation of heat.

gritted teeth, allowing a small stream of drool to fall on the corner of his lips, and your body caved in to the discomfort of the position, laying limp on your side, with your face towards the front of the car, where you met the driver's eyes briefly on the rearview mirror. “s-so good ’toru, so good so g-...”

“gonna cum—gonna cum, gonna—fucking—cum, gonna fill you up, gonna fill you up so good,” he speaks in between each pound inside you, his muscles tensing up.

“gonna make you my wife with this cum-” he puts your leg down, repositioning himself frantically by laying you straight against the seat, inserting his cock inside you again once your pussy was infront of him. “s-sator-” “fuck! i'm cumming baby i'm-”

“fuuuck,” your walls clench around his cock, thrusting in one final time, flooding his hot cum inside your creamy cunt, mixing in with yours.

“p-pretty—fucking—pussy,” satoru overwhelms himself during his high, shuddering in each repeated thrusts, while you spasmed violently in your orgasm. “all mine, all mine, all fucking mi—”

flash, flash, and flash. “ah,” the door swings open merrily, muted noises from outside now, loud, blaring. multiple gasps and cussing simultaneously heard, a blinding light shining on your breeding session, on your soon-to-be husband's bare ass anyways.

annoyed, but quick, satoru removes his jacket, tossing it infront of your face, along with hiding your torso. he knew you were too weak to react, let alone cover yourself for some decency, and what kind of future spouse will he be if he let his pretty, and dazed wife be ridiculed over this?

he can see it all. not only curses, but tabloids, tabloid after tabloid, 'the gojo clan's heir, claiming a taboo before his wedding'. articles of public indency, the act of premarital sex! tarnishing the prestigious name and reputation of his clan!

his god-awful, forsaken clan.

satoru clicked his tongue, his face once pleasured, now contorting to repulsion, disgust, looking over to his shoulder for the paparazzi to take photos of his flushed, red side profile.

his hands subconsciously move down to your waist, holding you close to him while you recovered slowly, placing his badly placed attention back to yours again.

“hey baby,” he pulls out slowly, practicing retraint from grunting, biting down his bottom lip, still feeling your insides hold his cock tightly.

“h-hm?” satoru makes sure you're hidden infront of his thankfully large frame, properly placing his jacket that he gave you covering your entire bare torso, leaning down to give you tender kisses along the stream lines of your tears.

“hmhm, pretty, pretty girl,” he towers over you protectively, his thumb making circles along your abdomen lovingly.

“you don't mind if we marry with papers instead, right baby?”

NOT AT ALL SATORU. NOT AT ALL. I DONT MIND AT ALL.

taglist. @v3lv3tf0x @ainescribe @wanderingconstellations @painted-hills @screampied @meowzfordayz @deathstardiary @sleep-deprivedracoon @ciarchivez @k1an4a @pixieskie @ruanais

[animeyanderelover]

Can I have headcanons with pregnant reader, please? With Alucard and Captain from Hellsing, Gojo and Sukuna from JJK, Meruem from HxH, Sawada Tsunayoshi and Byakuran from KHR.

I already did Pregnancy Hc's with Gojo before.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, stalking, clinginess, isolation, forced pregnancy, inhuman pregnancy, cannibalism, afab reader, birth

Tags: @jamayah @chxxz @leveyani @cynniical @shenryu-sama

Pregnancy Hc's

Meruem

👑​Meruem's circumstances of birth were rather unique, even for a Chimera Ant. Born prematurely by forcing himself out of the amniotic sac, he already had everything needed to conquer his new territory. He truly is the born king with his powers and the frightening intellect to match that as he possesses a high learning ability and continues even today to only grow stronger with each passing day. He is the King and he was born with the mindset of one, indeed the perfect offspring his mother had hoped him to be. As much as he sees himself as the superior being who stands above everyone else, nature has a force even he can't control as his biology eventually catches up to him. As a King he has a duty to breed and it is an instinct deeply woved within his DNA. It is this primal need that calls out to him when he names you as his mate, as unfitting as someone like Pouf sees you. What could you possibly give the King after all, a mere servant in the Royal Palace who Meruem spared for reason now obvious? There is some consideration Meruem gives you though as he informs you of the nature of his kind and that both of you have a duty to fulfill.

👑​The news of your pregnancy are of no surprise to the handful of people allowed to be even within vicinity of you. Meruem's mood has been highly sexual since a while now, his tail always flicking around as soon as he can sense you and most of his time spent with you in the private chambers. All Royal Guards sense the tiny presence within you and instantly their duty to guard you heightens. Even Shaiapouf, the one who dislikes you the most, finds himself acting on his instincts to protect the next heir. The situation is rather unique again though as everyone wonders how this will play out. You are a mere human whilst Meruem is biological perfection. His own birth was nothing like what a regular human pregnancy would have looked like and there is some tension as no one can exactly help themselves from wondering what would happen if the fetus would have a similar development as he had. The primary medic assigned to you is Pitou with their Nen-ability but as they are still a Chimera Ant, Meruem sends for a human doctor who has lots of experience with human pregnancy. Their company will be needed for as long as it takes and if they want to leave alive, they better be useful.

👑​Meruem learns quickly from the information the doctor shakily tells him, memorising and understanding the human anatomy within only a little time as he also reads books on it. There is an undeniable fascination when he approaches you after everything has been learned, clearly sensing the presence you carry inside of you. He has always been someone who has preferred you within sight to satiate his possessive desires but his need to have you with him increases now that you carry his offspring. There are only few inches of distance between the two of you as you have to accompany him wherever he goes. His tail likes to be wrapped around your form as it eases his mind and you remember clearly how he has used the very same tail to behead others as if it were nothing which always puts your nerves a bit on edge when you feel it around your body. Only Komugi is allowed to spend time with you next to the Royal Guards as her presence has always eased your mind a bit as she is the only human you know of. She can soothe your mind in ways Meruem can't as she expresses her congratulations when she finds out whilst still reassuring you when you tell her about your worries.

👑​Time tells quickly that whilst there is a bigger resemblance to a human pregnancy as you nurture his heir in your womb, his genes are still having a visible effect in the development of the baby. It grows rather fast as everyone of the Royal Guards and the King can tell that the presence grows stronger and larger every day. It is rather demanding on your body as the little one demands lots of nutrition and energy which increases your hunger significantly. You feel ravenous nearly all of the time as Meruem sees it through that you receive whatever you are craving to ensure that your body remains strong and healthy enough to care for his offpsring as well as for yourself. Even human flesh is served to you, the only time where you find yourself hesitating, shaking your head as you push the plate away. It isn't hard to see through you though. You are clearly desiring to taste the bloody, raw flesh of your own kind yet your consciousness holds you back. You're rather stubborn as he tries to reason with you that it is the desire of the offspring urging you to feed on your own kind and that you need the nutrition which ultimately leads him to force you to devour the human flesh.

👑​Your consciousness struggles as you are fed with human flesh throughout the pregnancy as the Royal Guards especially hunt down those with Nen to ensure that Meruem's heir will consume their abilities and their strength to be born strong. Your body changes fast and only a few months after conceiving, your stomach is already heavy and swollen with a child. Meruem is rather enthralled with the transformation your body has gone through, even if your constant fatigue and tiredness have made him even more protective of you. He hasn't left you out of his sight for more than a few minutes since the start of your pregnancy and then you are normally always surrounded by two of the Royal Guards, Pitou always with you as their King has given them the duty to cater to your health and needs. Other Chimera Ants within the palace are vaguely aware that the King will have a new heir but none of them have ever seen you or else they wouldn't be alive anymore. Pitou and Komugi are the only ones next to the traumatised human doctor who are even allowed to touch your stomach and that only when Meruem allows it. Otherwise his hands are the only ones running fascinated over your bulge.

👑​Anyone who dares to step too close to you without his permission instantly receives a hit with his tail. The fetus already has a strong Nen presence within you and even Pouf praises you for managing to exceed his expectations for what he thought he would be capable to carry, although his rude mouth earns him a punishment from Meruem who is highly displeased with his unwarranted remark. Despite your huge fear that the baby would destroy you from the inside like Meruem did with his mother, its movements are surprisingly gentle most of the time and Meruem reveals to you that the fetus is quite in tune with your feelings and even seems to possess an awareness of its own strength and your fragile body. You enter your labor roughly 5 months after conceiving but everyone has been expecting that much already, especially since the fetus seemed to signal it through its Nen and Meruem is with you as he wants to witness the birth of his heir, the swishing of his tail a warning to the human doctor to make no mistake as them and Pitou assist you. The son you birth him fills him with pride, a fascinating mix of your hair and eyes yet with the same green exoskeleton he has.

Alucard

🩸​Alucard is a man you have only ever known as a creature of darkness and fear, as a monster that hoards you and keeps you for his own desires. There is no escape from the man in red, his eyes always following you wherever you go even if you might not see him anywhere around you. There are no secrets you can keep, no emotions you could hide from him as those glowing eyes seem to be able to look into the deepest bottom of your soul that even you do not know about. That is why he knows about the tiny life inside of you before it even has a heartbeat of its own. A little blop that doesn't even have a shape yet but it is this tiny thing that shakes him to his core. His mind drifts away to a place so far away that it may as well be found in a different world, red eyes glowing as he reminisces about something only he knows about. You do not know what it is he is seeing but for the first time you see something very vulnerable in his hazy orbs as he stares through you. When you decide to hesitantly call out his name, his eyes regain their focus and zoom in on your stomach. You still don't understand, not until he suddenly kneels down in front of you and presses his forehead against it.

🩸​He withdraws himself from everything for a while as he doesn't reveal to even Integra what has happened. Seras with her vampire abilities catches on faster but when Alucard gives her a silent look, she understands and keeps quiet about it until he himself decides to inform his master. There is only him and you for a few weeks where he has gone oddly silent, although not in a way that would make you uncomfortable. Something has changed since the day he has found out about your pregnancy. You have seen this a few times before, a raw vulnerability he has only ever shown around you. But never before have you seen it to this extent before as there is a newfound level of intimacy the vampire seeks out. It is one that threatens to suffocate you due to its sheer rawness and scratches at your heart as you get to see a different side to him. Reverence is in every gentle touch of his and every smoldering gaze he gives you, his eyes glowing with emotions you have rarely seen in him before. No longer does he remind you of the monster with the blood red eyes. Instead there is a profound grief you notice around him and you wonder how long he has been carrying such weight all by himself.

🩸​You awake one night and notice that his body is on top of yours, his head resting against your belly and his arms wrapped around you. When you attempt to move his grip tightens lightly and his voice instead asks of you to lay with him for a bit longer. You try to ignore your heart swelling with new feelings as you remind him that he can do this anytime. He's not moving though as he instead utters that this moment is special. When you question him what makes this moment special, he lifts his head to look at you. His eyes are gleaming with so many emotions that you nearly choke, his voice barely above a whisper yet brimming with adoration as he reveals that he heard the first few beats of its heart and wishes to listen to the new melody for a while longer. Tears start trailing down your face before you even notice it, the first tears you have ever spilled for him and not yourself as you lay back down and allow him to listen to the heartbeat of his baby, your own heart aching for reasons you don't even understand yourself. He feels frightened from that day on if you aren't around him, the warmth of your skin and the sound of two heartbeats proving a security he craves for and needs to go on.

🩸​He needs weeks before he finally appears in front of Integra again and finally informs her about why he disappeared for a while, his hands keeping your body protectively close to his own. The woman looks a tad bit surprised as she glances at you but she doesn't dwell on it too long as she congratulates him. Still, she remains focused on her work as she asks Alucard what his plans are as she can certainly relieve him from some of his duties but that he is still their trump card. You notice the way his grip tightens carefully, his eyes looking at your smaller frame and you see the hidden unease he feels on the inside but he has sworn loyalty to Integra so he reassures her that he will still follow her call if she needs him. The young woman has a rather sharp mind herself as she notices the tinge of anxiety the vampire feels as she in return assures him that she will see it through that you will receive proper medical assistance the moment your water breaks. Another beat of silence follows as Alucard hesitates with the thought of letting anyone that close to you but he doesn't let his overprotective worries override his rationality and gives her a nod, expressing his gratitude for her help.

🩸​His emotions are unfiltered and his vulerability raw and sincere as he spends the following months not wanting to leave your side. The few missions he has to go on pain him to his core even as Seras eagerly volunteers to remain by your side, his soul itching for your closeness and for the presence of his child as every moment agonises and torments him and the restless agitation is only quenched the moment he has you back in his arms and senses that both of you are healthy. Most of the time he hoards you for himself, especially once your stomach starts swelling with the new hope you are nurturing in your womb. Alucard finds himself drawn to your growing belly, every sound of the baby's heartbeat and every fluttering movement mending cracks that have broken his soul as a feeling of fulfillment washes over him that he hasn't felt in centuries. When you start craving for blood, he provides it for you without hesitation and even forces it down your lips by feeding it to you himself. Your tears of guilt and disgust move his heart as he understands that you do not wish to be like him. His desire for this child is stronger than his guilt though. He wants it to be born.

🩸​You have seen the human behind the monster who is still a cruel and possessive man willing to burn down cities if anything should attempt to rip his baby and you away from him but who is beyond everything broken in his own rights. When your water breaks, Alucard never leaves your side and you even want him to be there with you. His touches are gentle and his words soothe you through your pain. Red eyes never leave the medics helping you, observing them closely as he is prepared to rip them apart if they should make even the tiniest mistake. He's not losing you and the baby. The first bellow of the little girl born the moment the sun rises has his dead heart trembling with emotions he thought had died with his human side. The medics leave the moment she is cleaned to give him the privacy he needs as red and intense eyes scare them away. You insist that he should hold her first and the moment he holds her tiny form in his arms, he sees the second chance he has been given. Red eyes are unable to look away from the little life as he vows to never let either of you go. She looks just like you, like a human, and he feels relief about that. He wouldn't want her to look like him. Like a monster.

Captain

🐺​The Captain is a werewolf, a literal beast that brutally follows orders of the Major. He is frightening, never speaks a word and always remains stoic and expressionless yet he has made it obvious that no one is to touch you. For reasons even the Major is unsure of, Captain has chosen you as his mate and whilst he never vocally expresses it, his possessiveness and territorial claim he has stacked on you are as obvious as it gets though as soldiers who have gotten too close to you were brutally torn apart, their flesh consumed and their bones crushed as you could only watch in silent horror. Maybe it is in his nature as a werewolf that feels the urge to breed with his mate and the Major, morbidly interested in this relationship, only encourages it all when he notices the sexual aggression Captain starts showing. Like a piece of meat you are thrown towards the starved wolf as The Major follows the development curiously. Your pregnancy is an outcome he was hoping for and he knows because his bodyguard refuses to leave your side very soon as the natural instinct to guard and protect only spikes now that he senses that you carry his offspring.

🐺​The Major knows that there is no realistic chance that Captain would ever let his mate or the baby be subjected to a study that would document the development the pregnancy and that would research how a hybrid child would turn out. He has already before been very protective to the point of murdering everyone who got simply too close and when the Major suggests the idea lightly to him simply to test his reaction, Captain tears the desk apart and lets out a ferocious growl, red eyes promising murder. The only thing he seems to accept from his leader is the offer for some medical assistance during birth, although the Major fully expects that he might kill them whilst they try to do their job. You have already been kept away from other people before you were expecting a child from him, partially because you have grown terrified to witness the same sight of bloody bodies devoured by him in his possessive rage. Now that you are pregnant though with his pup, Captain has grown even more aggressive as everyone is seen as a threat to you and the little life growing inside of you. You do not leave the room when he has to go and even if the room wouldn't be locked, you doubt you would leave.

🐺​They eventually know about the news that Captain's captive is pregnant with his child but none of them dare to speak up. Only one fool has tentatively congratulated him on his incoming parenthood. All who were witness to it saw the way his pupils narrowed to slits before suddenly the man's head was gone. They don't even mention you in any way, shape or form as all know that he would kill them the moment he would find out. The only one who can actually get away with it is the Major and that only because Captain is more or less loyal to him, although his loyalty has started to split ever since he discovered you and chose you as his mate. When there isn't anything to do, the werewolf spends all of his time with you. His eyes never leave you once he is with you, always following your every move. You have long gotten used to the silence that surrounds you as he has never spoken to you before which has made you already countless times wonder if he perhaps can't speak at all. His presence is more suffocating now than ever before though. He doesn't let you out of his sight at all, not even when you wish to go to the toilet. You've stopped locking the door to the bathroom the first time he broke it.

🐺​The pregnancy doesn't seem to differ much from what a normal human pregnancy would look like as you know that Captain is no regular human. It all seems so normal, much to the boredom of the Major, as months pass and your belly slowly develops into a bump. The sight of your bump seems to spark excitement and possessive thrill within the werewolf though as it is a sign of your body showing him that he claimed and marked you as his own. He always wants you to show him your growing bump, completely ignoring your privacy as he has torn multiple shirts apart in growling frustration when you weren't in the mood to let yourself be touched by him. He doesn't understand your resistance against him. You are his. The baby is his. He can do what he wants with you. As frightening as he is, you know that you have seen worse from him and you know that he is holding himself back a bit more to spare you from stress that could harm the baby inside of you. The bigger you grow, the less time he spends away from you. The Major tolerates it though as he knows that the Captain would probably even go against his orders if he were to tell him to spend more than an hour away from you.

🐺​It is at the end of your second trimester that something interesting happens that rouses the Major's intrigue. Captain starts hunting down humans and even kills a few of the most disposable soldiers and drags them to the room where he keeps you. Recently you have started feeling an overwhelming hunger for flesh, human flesh. You try to stop yourself from indulging in that sudden craving but Captain realises the need of the growing pup who is in its final phase of growth and requires more nutrition and food for the energy your body will need to nurture it properly. You scream, you cry and you even feel like vomiting when the werewolf forces your jaw open and makes you swallow the flesh of the corpses he brought with him, some soldiers you even knew briefly. The hunger for humans only increases as the final growth spurt of the fetus takes a toll on your body, the flesh he makes you consume giving the baby what it needs and feeling its strong kicks beneath your swollen skin only pushes him to feed you human flesh everyday. The final weeks before your due date, Captain takes a complete break from his duties as he is unable to focus on anything else than you and his pup.

🐺​Your water breaks 2 weeks too early but you are quite relieved when the liquid stains your legs. Not only does it mean that he won't force your jaw open anymore to shove human flesh down your throat but you also look already more like someone who is overdue due to the growth of the baby ever since it has been feasting on human flesh. The birth is messy, frightening and terrible. The moment contractions start hitting you seriously, Captain refuses to leave your side and when one medic dares to instruct him to leave the room, their intestines go flying. Animalistic growls echo through the room as he stands possessively in front of you and glowers at the frightened medics. It is only when he senses that his child is about to be born that he finally allows them to step over the corpse of their co-worker and do their job as he silently takes care of you to encourage you to keep going. As soon as his son is born and starts wailing, he instantly stands in front of the medic who hands him his child before everyone rushes out of the room, rightfully frightened for their lives. Captain looks only proud and satisfied though as he puts his pup on your chest, wanting to see you caring for his newborn.

Ryomen Sukuna

🗾​There is quite possibly nothing more terrifying than being the victim to Sukuna's obsession, although the King of Curses likes to remind you that you should feel honored that he bothers with you to begin with. He could have devoured and killed you by now so you'd do best to realise your position and stop your whining. You will not be set free until he decides to end your pathetic life himself, you surely don't expect him to let you go after all if he should ever lose interest in you. He's not a sentimental fool after all so perhaps you should try harder to entertain him. A child is the least thing he has considered for himself, the only experience he has with such tiny and annoying little things are the ones where he relishes in their final screams before dining on their young flesh. There is no denying what he is sensing though as he picks up the tiny source of energy nestled within your womb. It is rather rare for a curse and a human to create such a thing together and he has lived long enough to know that in the few rare incidents that it has happened, an abortion was always the result. With that thought in mind, he decides initially to not even bother to inform you about it as he continues treating you as usual.

🗾​The little thing is persistent though as if to prove him wrong and even if he knows that it barely has a consciousness of its own, he has to admire it for its strength. He would expect nothing less from a spawn of his. It is a greedy little thing that drains you of your vitality and energy even from its earliest stages and it is then that Sukuna acknowledges its existence and informs you of what is going on as even you have taken notice of it. How could you not, when it literally claims everything your body has to offer for its own growth? There is horror that you feel to the marrow of your bones as he tells you that you carry his offspring, your throat closed as only broken whimpers leave your lips. You go down on your knees, your hands grasping the material of his clothes as teary eyes look at him with a pleading looks that your mouth is unable to vocalise. What are you even hoping for? Two of his hands grasp the sides of your face as a look of false pity crosses his face as another hand pats your head half-heartedly. He must say that the fighting spirit of the thing inside of you has managed to impress him. He's rather curious to see if it can manage to survive. Seems like you'll get the honor of bearing his heir.

🗾​Uraume is the only other living person who is let in on your pregnancy and swears to protect you and his heir with their life. Sukuna almost laughs at the implication that there would ever be a scenario where someone would get that close to you in the first place. There are immediately humans and curses piling up at your feet to provide you with cursed energy and nutritions your puny human food could never give. If you really manage the impressive feat of bearing him a child, he expects it to be a worthy heir of his. Your own disgust and fright as he demands you to devour all the corpses he has brought you tire him. The little thing is already consuming your own reserves and weakens you even more than you were to begin with. He has no patience for your tantrum right now. Two of his hands seize your shoulders and hold you in place, the recent weight loss you have suffered from allowing him to feel your bones even if he applies only minimal pressure. The other two hands pry your mouth open and shove the flesh of dismembered bodies down your throat, again and again. You wish to throw it all up yet to your horror your body digests it all.

🗾​The repeat of this procedure only solidifies in your mind his cruel nature, Uraume on the other hand comments that Sukuna must really hold a deep-rooted affection for you. If you were anyone else and if the child were not his and yours, they are sure the King of Curses wouldn't be as patient to forcefeed you multiple times a day to keep up with the needs of the growing life inside of you. He wants the baby to be born, doesn't he? Neither you nor the fetus disappoint him as his efforts aren't wasted when your stomach starts rounding out with the growing life inside of you. He must say, he is rather pleased with you so far as you manage to achieve something no one before you has ever done before. You are physically and mentally already drained, your body exhausted from bearing a child that is half human and half curse and your mind broken with the knowledge that he has taken the last thing from you you thought he could never take from you. Whenever he sees that look in your eyes though when his gaze meets yours, he gleefully reminds you that it was your body who accepted his seed and that it is your body that continues to nurture his heir. It is your own body who betrayed you.

🗾​There are still things he has to do, sometimes just because he feels rather bored at the moment in which case he knows that Uraume will keep you safe if anything should happen. There is a subtle shift in his behavior though as you grow heavier with his child, their frequent and strong kicks only another sign that you really seem to be a special human. He chose wisely. He may never admit that to you but his touches are more gentle as his fingers caress your skin and brush against your bump. There is more time he spends with you, although he avoids appearing even remotely clingy. Still, it is time he chooses to spend willingly to you as there are less insults and taunts when he is with you as there is instead a silence he doesn't want to fill with compliments but you take the awkward tension. Uraume provides you with new clothes to accommodate your ever-growing belly but they are never allowed to let you in on the fact that it is Sukuna who chose them for you. In fact it is often per Sukuna's orders that Uraume gathers and collects everything he believes you need as well as the baby as soon as it is born. He can't have you thinking that he is going soft after all.

🗾​As much as you despise Sukuna, there is an undeniable feeling of betrayal when you are in the middle of labor and he isn't with you. Only Uraume is there to guide you and offer passive encouragement as they tell you what you have to do. What were you even expecting? He doesn't care about you and he won't care for the child either. It is a long and taxing process as you struggle to give birth to the child. You curse its existence, you curse Sukuna and you especially curse your own treacherous heart for having considered for even one second that he would be there for you during birth. It is in the final phase of your labor that you just want to give up, the pain of pushing a child out of you indescribable and your vision blackening. That is when he suddenly appears, grabbing your sweaty palm and squeezing it reassuringly as he reminds you to breathe, even entertaining you as he notes that you want the little brat as much out of you as he wants. He's there when his son is finally born and holds him first, two of his hands hoisting the infant close to his face as he observes the child before you witness him breaking out in a genuinely proud smile as he looks at you and thanks you for bearing him a strong heir.

Sawada Tsunayoshi

🔥​Life with Vongola Decimo is for the most part rather blissful and normal, if you ignore the heavy protection that is placed upon you. Surely it isn't always pleasant to have one of his guards always accompanying you but Tsunayoshi hopes you understand that his position as the head of the Italian Mafia makes you an easy target. It is a small sacrifice for your safety, even if you may not see it as he does. Children have never been a topic that has been heavily discussed between the two of you, although as the years fly a few people in his closer circle start joking about it. He must admit that he has considered it a few times whenever someone brought the idea up but he always finds himself hesitating. Tsunayoshi is the Vongola Decimo after all and he wouldn't want a child of his to be pressured by expectations that would undoubtedly come from somewhere as he would be their father. The decision of a baby would be something he would discuss with you to begin with since you would be the one who has to carry the baby and to give birth to it. That means that you get to decide if you want a biological child with him or not, meaning that the pregnancy is something both of you want.

🔥​There have already been made certain preparations even before it was confirmed that you are expecting as Tsunayoshi has been quite open with his friends about the mutual decision that both of you have made. Anticipation is thick as everyone is just waiting for you two to announce it when it happens and when that finally happens, they throw a small party to celebrate the news. Obviously there is no alcohol for you involved. Everyone swarms around you on that day excitedly and it is up to Tsuna to remind them to give you a little bit of space to breathe. The news only stay within his closest circle of friends and allies though, even if he knows that eventually rumors will spread through the entire Vongola. That'll have to wait though as he'd like to focus for now on preparing everything for the arrival of the baby and especially to be there for you as the next few months will probably bring the one or other challenge with it. Not one to neglect his duties as the Vongola Decimo, Tsunayoshi sees it still through that he makes more time for you as he wants to be as involved as he can with your pregnancy and with the child as soon as it is born. It's not like you are ever lonely if he has work to do.

🔥​There is usually always at least one of his guardians with him, mostly it varies between Gokudera. Yamamoto and Ryohei. Gokudera is fiercely loyal and protective over you now that you're expecting Tsunayoshi's child, Ryohei is always cheering you on when he notices that you're feeling down and Yamamoto is the calmest one who just listens to you and your worries. Hibari keeps an eye on you every once in a while too but he rarely chats with you, strictly focused on his task. Haru and Kyoko also often drop by to visit and Haru always beings some cake with her to enjoy together. She does now that there is a loose diet you are on to ensure the health of you and the baby but she tells you that if you tell no one about it, no one will find out anyways. You do not find it in your heart to tell her that Tsunayoshi knows about her smuggling cake with her but he seems to be rather amused as he is quite familiar with the antics of his old friend. In fact he sometimes asks if you could spare him some of the cake Haru brings with her which is no problem since Haru always brings so much with her that there is always some leftover. Even if you ask her to bring a little less, she ends up ignoring it anyways.

🔥​The only people outside of his Guardians and friends who find out about the pregnancy are a few doctors he has chosen to monitor your pregnancy. Otherwise news of your pregnancy are strictly forbidden to be leaked to outsiders. Tsunayoshi isn't violent as a Mafioso but that has never been enough to stop conflict arising between the Vongola and other groups during times and he has met organizations who would be ruthless enough to even try to get their hands on you, especially now that you are more vulnerable than ever before. The security is tighter than it normally is and whilst you are still allowed to leave the building and go outside, which he partially even encourages since you need some exercise, you are never left alone. One of his Guardians is always accompanying you but he lets you choose which one you want to take with you, although when he finally has some time on his hands he takes it upon himself to go out with you. His parents and even Reborn visit him eventually when they have time as he has made sure to inform them about the good news as well. Reborn even volunteers to train Tsuna's child as soon as it is old enough as well and Tsuna, having war flashbacks, can only laugh.

🔥​There are almost all the time the hands of someone on your stomach when you start showing, especially once the baby starts kicking. Tsunayoshi is alright with it though as he knows that everyone will be careful to not harm you and the baby. Haru is gushing over the fetus and introduces herself as their auntie and Ryohei accepts also quite eagerly your offer of feeling the baby kick and compliments the little one on being already a boxer. Tsunayoshi isn't touching your stomach as much as some of his other friends, mainly because he thinks that you must be quite exhausted from having multiple people talking to your stomach and touching it, although he still caresses your belly gingerly when both of you are alone. Both of you have already talked about the future of the baby and Tsuna is firm in his decision to not pressure his child into anything. He is aware that many might think that he would want his kid to take over his position when they are old enough but he wants to give his child the freedom to choose what they want to be later on in their life. He's sometimes actually worried that his child might feel like they have no choice but become the next head if they get older.

🔥​He does his best to clear all business when the last month lurks around the corner and everyone else does their hardest to help him with that. Once again there is anticipation and excitement as you get closer to your due date. Tsunayoshi can't deny that the nervousness is there but he feels still fairly confident. After all months of preparation have all been for the moment that could happen every day now. When your water breaks and you experience your labor, everyone just waits in front of the medical room where the doctors that have been assissting you throughout your entire pregnancy now help you in the final act of delivering the baby. Tsunayoshi is the only one who is with you in the room and he is sure that if he would still be as faint-heared as he used to be when he was younger, he would have collapsed pretty early on as he watches everything unfolding. He isn't immune to the wriggly anxiety deep within the depth of his stomach but he hides it rather well as he knows that right know you need him to be there for you. You give birth to a healthy boy after hours of pain and Tsuna is overjoyed, although a old nervousness resurfaces as he's almost too anxious to hold him at first.

Byakuran

🍬​My, this is unexpected. A pregnancy is not what Byakuran had in store for you as he is told of this little accident that has happened. Now that he thinks about it, he should have guessed what was going on as he has taken notice of some interesting symptoms for a while now but instead chose to ignore them. He could have figured that out by himself and is actually sulking a bit that you knew before he did because normally it is always the other way around. After he has gotten over his sullen mood though, he quickly focus on the situation at hand. Neither of you planned for this to happen and he asks you jokingly if you forgot to take your pills on purpose, although the deterred look on your face quickly tells him that you did not intend for this to happen either. Now, how should he handle this unexpected surprise? Byakuran has never before given a child any serious thought. He isn't even sure if he really wanted one before. Initially he thinks about keeping it merely to torment you a bit as he can sense that you are not overly thrilled about the discovery. The more he thinks about it though, the more he finds himseld curious about how that embryo might turn out.

🍬​So he decides to view it as a surprise that he will look forward to in a few months time. Your reaction is as obvious as it can get, the anger and dread visible yet whenever you open your mouth, he puts a finger over your lips to hush you with that cheerful grin of his you know is just a facade to hide his ruthlessness. Let's not spoil the surprise by being a party pooper, alright? A surprise is something that should have you anticipating after all. Whilst Byakuran is not necessarily eager to share the news with the Six Funeral Wreaths, much to his dismay it isn't something that can be avoided. They have always been involved one way or another and he does need someone to look after you when he has to take care of something involving his plans. There is a clear tinge of annoyance in his smile though as they are informed and show different reactions. Zakuro looks as bored as always as he doesn't really care. Bluebell, who has never been able to understand what Byakuran sees in you to begin with, probably likes you even less now. Deisy acts as fearful as always as he looks at you nervously. Kikyo is the only one who properly congratulates Byakuran and promises to keep an eye on you.

🍬​His intelligence is outstanding yet pregnancy is not something Byakuran can admit to know overly much about besides the basics everyone seems to know. He hires a small team of doctors and nurses to observe your pregnancy and the health of you and your little one but otherwise he actually doesn't make an effort to inform himself more about the changes of your body. Why should he? He can observe all of that by inspecting you closely over the coming months and that will be much more interesting than just reading about it on some paper or online. Apparently you hold one more surprise for him though when during an ultrasound it is actually discovered that you are expecting twins. When he hears the news, he actually starts laughing, the sound startling you when you hear it. There is a grin on his face as soon as he has calmed down, his purple eyes focused on your belly before he jabs his index finger into the skin. You really are always full of surprises, aren't you? No wonder he was so utterly fascinated with you when he met you for the first time. If you were worried that he would react negatively, don't. Two surprises are better than one after all.

🍬​He couldn't care less for the gender of the twins and since the babies weren't really planned to begin with, he just decides that the gender will be another surprise the moment both of them are born. Byakuran appears almost rather easygoing as he even tells you that you can choose both of their names, interested what you'll come up with. In fact, sometimes you always feel like he is too easygoing and isn't focusing enough on the stuff that you will need the moment the babies are born. It almost appears like Kikyo is more invested than he is because it is the Cloud Mare Ring holder who seeks you out and presents you with different choices of cribs and furnitures he has chosen for the baby and would like your opinion on. That is how you find yourself willingly spending time with the male as both of you share the same interest as of now. When Byakuran finds out though, he is not happy. Despite his cheerful disposition he is rather possessive after all and the frequent meetings between Kikyo and you rouse his jealousy. He interferes both of you with a lopsided grin and a cold look in his eyes before his gaze lands on the files. He lifts them up and studies them before he glances at you.

🍬​From that day on he pours a bit more effort into it as he does his own research, although you are still left to decide what you want. He merely just doesn't want you to spend so much time and get too close to Kikyo. There are some really weird cravings you experience as months pass and whilst Byakuran is gracious enough to provide you with the food you want, he can't stop himself from making fun of the weird combinations you come up with. Sometimes out of pure fun he even serves you a questionable combination of food and wants you to try. You've consumed some weird stuff already so you might like this as well. Other times he just feeds you the confectionary he is always consuming throughout the day and he does hope that the twins will share his sweet tooth or else he would be slightly disappointed. His presence is often rather grating though, simply because Byakuran loves poking fun at you even as you swell with two of his babies. He pokes your bump to rouse the babies when he wants to feel their movements, he doesn't give you any privacy and sometimes is just a jerk for the sake of being one. Your pregnancy doesn't protect you from his sadistic vein after all.

🍬​His possessive nature is quite hypocritical though as he reacts harshly when it is someone else who agitates you to the point of tears during your pregnancy. After all your reactions and flaring emotions, whether they are of negative or positive nature, are solely reserved for his own enjoyment. There is a reason why you are as isolated as you are after all. Byakuran chooses to wait outside the maternity room when your water breaks and you enter your labor. He doesn't appear overly nervous as he sits there and wait. It takes the eye of someone who knows him better to notice the signs. The bag of sweets he has brought with him remain largely untouched throughout the hours, your screams and howls for once actually bringing him an unpleasant and slimy dread he feels in his stomach, ruining every chance of him enjoying the confectionary. When the shrill sounds of two screams finally echo through the air, he does feel his body jerking slightly forward. An amused chuckle escapes him when he finally enters and sees the babies for the first time. Fraternal twins, a boy and a girl each with a shock of white hair on their heads and purple eyes that make it glaringly obvious to whom they belong.

[oblique-lane]

hey since you’ve posted two pieces in a row about my boy Scout I was wondering if maybe you could write more your thoughts/your hcs about him? I think he’s really interesting and I don’t often see people realize that he’s more complex that what he seems, like this man just seems very sad inside. i really like your analyses and your takes are some of my favorites

hope you have a good day!

Appreciate it! Although I probably won't say anything particularly new... Okay, let's talk about Scout!

Though he no doubt wears the persona of a confident cool guy, protecting his ego from vulnerability, I wouldn't say there's sadness inside him. More accurate would be fear.

People with sadness baggage are pretty passive and quiet. And Scout's reaction is to hit, run, scare away, cling anxiously to the object of security. That's fear. He's fearful.

He doesn't think about it much, he's a pretty happy guy in the environment he's in. But if something makes him go off the rails and he starts, God forbid, thinking.....

His core fear is not living up to his place in the world. He knows there's a place for him, but for some reason he feels like people think he's not good enough to take it. Anyone better and stronger could take his place at any time. He's on bird's rights here.

Growing up with older brothers, being not good at school, being the smallest and youngest mercenary of the team, this feeling doesn't leave him ever. It's a tiresome inner struggle: "How do I make my stay secure?", "How do I become worthy?"

Falling into this cognitive trap of searching for self validation in the outside world instead of inside of himself, he was doomed to be stuck in ambivalence:

To continue to pretend, risking being exposed as an imposter, or to be sincere and inevitably endure the unbearable pain of rejection and loneliness?

He laughs and taunts and overexplains himself so much. He clings to the only thing he's better than everyone at. He overcompensates; he demands attention and tries to make himself bigger. He hates being alone as it basically feels like being actually pushed off his place in the world. He clings to people but immediately pushes them away for being too dangerously close to finding out his fears. He needs to be with everyone to know and to control what they think about him.

And it never makes him calm down anyway, since all those efforts take a lot of energy. Tiresome to be, tiresome to pretend. And the prize is nowhere near the sight.

This loop of pain will never end, unless he breaks the very core mindset of his. The answer is stepping into this fear, but he can't even think about it! It feels like death! His ego will die and it's going to feel like he's dying as a whole.

A full existential, primal fear of an child to be rejected by his parent. "Not worthy of living".

(Based on the Lise Bourbeau's model of 5 soul wounds: Abandonment)

[theladybrownstarot]

Pick-a-card : Wholesome June 2024 monthly Reading for you !

𐙚 Here's my masterlist for more !

𐙚 Make sure you like/follow/reblogg for more pacs like these!

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

𐙚 Pile 1.

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

The first phase of june will result of completion and new start of something very good , you will be in flow and stability with yourself in all aspects , also , you will be focused and aligned with your destiny's path . Any increment in income , promotion and a god time to buy a house can be seen .

The second phase, is about meeting your friends , some other collaboration and celebration of any kind of milestone , you may travel from your home to somewhere . There's a possibility to make new friends or you may get people of your kind and needs . Very harmonious vibes are coming from the second phase .

The third phase of your june may lead you to meet your soulmate or you may connect with someone from your past , a good time for business partnership and implementations of new plans can be seen .

This month you people will be able to break your chains off from negativity inside and outside you , there maybe a break of something which you didn't want to happen but everything that will be happening this month will be for your good only .

𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : worrying to much will attract more things to worry sbout .

have you been overly critical ?An apology may be in order.

stop second-guessing yourself .

raise your karma by doing something good for someone else.

Declutter your life and prioritise what needs to be , start to oragnise first and then start .

𐙚❀˖°Prominent placements and planets : and Pisces, jupiter , saggitaurus, aries , scorpio , cancer , 3rd house , 4th house , moon in virgo .

𐙚 Pile 2.

Namaste pile 2 ! Let's get with your reading :-

The first phase of june for you may start with over-thinking , confusion and fear but you can and will get out through this for sure , don't take take a lot of stress on yourself also that you are being advised to sleep properly or we say be mindful about your mental health .

The second phase , you will enjoying a lot don't worry also that the things you were fearing will actually start to favour you or we say things will be turning in your favour . The only thongs you need to proceed is with faith within yourself and do what needs to be .

The Third phase , you may face some sort of disappointment or you will start to become defensive and protective about yourself both at the same time ,you may come across some obstacles- a test from universe which you will pass . One thing that do not always belive that you are right listen to other's side also .

𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice : Heal yourself by loving your life more .

Stop worrying and start believing more.

Start doing things with proper intention and mindset .

Start loving your enviorment more .

You will get love when you will give love .

𐙚❀˖° Prominent zodiacs and placements: moon in capricorn, mars in aquarius, scorpio ,Pisces, taurus ,virgo , moon in 3rd/4th house .

𐙚 Pile 3.

Namaste pile 3 ! Let's get with your reading :-

The first phase of june may continue with some same common problems you had later where you will be hopeful again by leaving it behind . I see people healing or connecting with their emotional aspects like you are understanding yourself and situation around you because of which you will grow emotionally .

The second phase of june Be aware of any traitor around your circle or known , also i see that you are able to get best mental clarity and are able to leave rooted toxic system behind , you are getting rid from the things you always wanted . You are facing and making the move rather running away from it .

The third phase of june you may get into into some confusion and inner conflicts again as you are diving deep inside you , you are meeting your shadow self by provoking it through doing those things which triggers it . You are using your intuition and are solving your problem in a flow .

𐙚❀˖° Monthly Advice:Be bold and make the first move .

Follow your heart and your emotions.

Avoid recklessness or moving too fast .

Come into your power; the time for action is now!

Bappa mourya is with you !

Have some good time with your friends .

𐙚❀˖° Prominent placements and planets: Pisces, scorpio , cancer , gemini , libra , aquarius , moon , 8th house , 12th house , mars and saturn .

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing Or copying of work will be a punishable offence.

[the-avengers-not-the-nazis]

Baby face

Summary: You start to get upset when Dean decides to shave off his beard

Word count: 0.5k

A/n: Live. Laugh. Love. Bearded Jensen.

༺═────────────═༻

Your hands gently moved through Deans beard, the small hairs causing you fingers to tingle from the sensation. His own hands rested on your thighs, holding you gently as you sat on top of the bathroom counter. 

“Princess?” He called, watching as your eyes drifted from the hair on his face to his relaxed ones. “Are you gonna start or are you gonna wait for it to grow longer?”

A small pout found its way onto your mouth, “I don’t want to get rid of your beard.” You whined, having half the mindset to hide the razor from the taller man. “I’d rather watch it grow.”

Dean mirrored your pout, albeit mockingly. “Well, it’s starting to get on my nerves, princess. It has to go.”

“Ok. But what if we just leave a bit of stubble instead?” 

“No.”

“But, it’s attractive.” You told him, hoping that’d he change his mind and keep it for just a little longer. 

“To bad.” He replied, stepping from between your legs. Taking a bottle of shaving cream and the razor from your grasp. “It’s starting to itch.”

You let out a small huff, slightly mesmerized at how he gently applied the shaving cream to the lower portion of his face. The fluffy white sudes mixing into the small strands thickly and throughly 

Dean wetted the blade beneath the warm faucet, giving it a good shake to take off all excess water. Fingers gently pressed against his chin, he began to shave against the grain of his beard. You felt your stomach drop as you watched the foam disappear and just the smooth skin left in its place. 

“What if you just keep a mustache?” You asked, leg coming up to your chest as you rested your chin on top. 

Dean stopped his movements, glancing at you through the mirror. “Absolutely not.”

A scoff came from your mouth. “Why not? Do you think you’d look like hitler or something?”

“I wasn’t thinking that, but now I am.” He told you, continuing to shave away at his facial hair. 

“So, no?”

“No.”

You shook your head, sliding off the counter as you made your way behind the older man. Placing both arms around his torso you rested your cheek against his back, listening for his heartbeat through the back of his shirt. 

“Princess,” Dean called, not stopping his movements. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t watch you ruin your face.” You told him bluntly, turning your face to bury it in his shirt. 

A chuckle left his lips, giving a smile glance over his shoulder to look at you. “Ruining my face, huh?” You nodded. “You know it’ll grow back, just like last time and the time before that.”

“But it’s torture.” You wined. “It’s like I’m dating a child when your done.”

Dean gave a small nod of his head, knowing that you’d either be talking about his childish behaviors or the baby face he’d get after shaving. Though it could just be both. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Will it make you feel better if next time I let you shave me?” He asked, dragging the blade over the last strip of foam from his face. 

You nodded you head just a tad, “A little, yes.”

“Okay, princess.” He wiped any remaining shaving cream from his face before turning around and wrapping his arms around you. “We’ll do that.”

[animehideout]

Hiiii could you please add INTP for your MBTI series? 🩷🩷🩷

Your MBTI, Your Relationship With JJK Characters Part 6

INTP + ESFP

Check out Part 5 here

check out part 7 here

a/n: Thank you Anon, @tojiiismyhusband @system753 @venus-xxoo for requesting INTP. Also thank you @suchasecretiveninja for reading 🫶🏻💕 I hope you enjoy these headcanons.

INTP:

Gojo Satoru = Fiancé

As an introvert who relies on the power of mind, I think you'll be fine having a loud extrovert as your partner; Gojo Satoru. INTP appreciates an open-minded partner who is willing to engage with them in intellectual conversations, challenges and debates, and Gojo is the one. INTP has a unique sense of humor that couldn't be understood by everyone, so with Gojo being witty, he'll find no problem in matching your vibe and continuing with your jokes even in serious situations, making the relationship even more enjoyable. Gojo is egocentric, so your wittiness would humble him everytime. INTPs prioritize logic, but also crave emotional connection which is the case for Satoru, he's so affectionate with you, and willing to satisfy your emotional needs. A balance between intellectual discussion and emotional support. Also both of you value independency so none of you feels restricted in the relationship. Let's not forget that Gojo is an ENTP so you're basically his introverted version.

Megumi Fushiguro = Friend

INTP values friendships that align with intellectual curiosity, and with Megumi being an intellectual himself with smart ideas, you'd totally become hooked. You would engage in deep existential conversations, debate and explore abstract concepts, while at the same time you respect each other solitude and independence without forcing your opinions on each other. Megumi is an honest person and honesty is something that INTP values. You are a fan of constructive criticism and feedback, you accepted it as long as it makes you grow mentally. Despite being logical most of the time you still have warm emotions which is the heart of your friendship.

Toji Fushiguro = Has a crush on you

INTPs are determined despite being a huge procrastinators. Toji likes how logical and rational you are and how you neglect your feelings when taking decisions and life choices. Despite being an introvert you engage well in conversations in public making you look like as if you are an extrovert. You are good at making your voice and ideas heard and understood. Toji appreciates your self-confidence even though you hide a lot of anxiety inside of you. He is also charmed by your mockery for situations that others may find scary, but you manage to find a humor in them, even though your humor serves as a coping mechanism. All these qualities made Toji drawn to you.

Ryomen Sukuna = Love hate relationship

Sukuna loves you but hates you at the same time. Despite him seeing humans as inferiors, he can't help the attraction he has for your badass side. He is attracted to your analytical thinking and overly logical mindset. As the king of curses, he sees human emotions as a weakness and burden so seeing a human who actually relies on their mind and neglect feelings intrigued him. Your unique and controversial thinking is also another hook for his interest. Your witty side completely swept him off his feet, you're kind of similar in this. Having a mocking and quirky kind of humor is kinda relatable for him. But at the same time he hates your resistance. INTPs worship independence and freedom, they completely oppose submission to someone else and don't accept forced rules. Let's not forget that Sukuna is an extrovert so extroverts that want to forcefully dominate introverts for perceiving them as shy individuals who are unable to defend themselves is a type that INTPs can't stand and that's how the tension / hate between you too was born.

ESFP:

Aoi Todo = Boyfriend

ESFP is a lively and affectionate partner you, totally match Todo energy. Your presence keeps him recharged, your energy and enthusiasm are infectious. Despite him being strong both physically and mentally he still needs your affection to function properly. INTP infuses excitement and passion in the relationship. Given that both of you and Todo are extroverts you thrive on social interactions and enjoy spending time together doing fun and spontaneous activities. You also have similar love languages. Both of you are also sensors so you have an awareness of each other's discomfort which brings a huge understanding between the two of you.

Geto Suguru = Rival

One thing that was able to make you consider Geto as your enemy; lack of emotions and empathy. ESFPs are highly emotional individuals they are expressive and very sympathetic towards others. Geto's ruthless side clashes with your nature, effortlessly creating a hurdle. His behaviors choices and mindset go against your principals and values leading to a significant conflict. You can connect with trustworthy people but with him there's no connection, you believe that empathetic individuals can't be trusted as they only care about their own desires without taking into account other people's well-being. On the other hand, Geto sees you as weakling and a burden on society for simply being an emotionally oriented.

Kamo Noritoshi = Source of comfort.

As someone who has dealt with a lot, lacking the families' warmth in his life, he always find himself indirectly dependent on you for some comfort. ESFP excels at expressing empathy through both words and actions Despite Noritoshi skills at hiding his emotions, you as a sensor you can sense his troubled spirit and provide for him a safe space by acknowledging and understanding his feelings without judgment and serve as a listener when he's ready to open up. Aside from comfort you also radiate a contagious positive energy that can break through the toughest walls. It makes ESFPs happy knowing that they had a positive impact on people around them.

Thank you for reading, remember this piece of writing is just for fun, also IMO so it's not necessarily accurate ✨

[starstruckmiraclekitty]

Could I request a friends with benefits Ghost. Where he isn’t sure of his feelings for reader, but he sees her with another guy and gets very jealous and realizes he’s in love and shows her just how much 😏👀

Yes!!! I hope you enjoy this! Still tryna find my niche with Smut, so I hope it's good! Thank you🙃❤️

You're Mine

Simon Ghost Riley X AFAB Reader

Warnings: swearing, SMUT, p in v sex, oral (f receiving) cream pie

You and Ghost have known each other since he joined Task Force 141. You were Laswells assistant, so it was common for your paths to cross.

Soon after the two of you met, you two started hanging outside of work and grew rather close. Ghost had felt he finally found someone who understood him and felt that he could open up to you as a friend.

One night, a few months into your friendship, you both had gotten rather drunk and ended up between the sheets together in Simon's quarters.

Not being one for feelings because of his past, Simon had made you promise that this would just be a way to let off steam for the two of you. No feelings could get involved because that would only make things messy. And Simon couldn't do messy.

He'd convinced himself that he didn't have feelings for you. He ignored the small flutters in his chest when he'd see you or the way he'd get butterflies in his stomach when you'd kiss him. He'd never, not to anyone, admit that he watched you sleep peacefully, after the two of you would spend the night together.

He wasn't in love with you. No, he couldn't be. He'd had that mindset until he happened to come across you and the new recruit Sam, talking together in the hallway one day.

He stopped and moved to a spot where he couldn't be seen and watched. The two of you were standing awfully close to one another. It was no secret that you were a beautiful person, so it didn't come as a total surprise when Sam moved to stroke your arm lightly, causing you to giggle.

Simon found himself seething under his mask. How dare that guy think he could touch you like that? More importantly, how could you have let him touch you like that?

These thoughts circled in his head, making him grow more and more agitated.

Shaking his head in anger, he stormed past you and the recruit, making his way to the debrief with Price.

You saw him walk past you and politely excused yourself from Sam.

"Ghost hey, wait up." You called, running to catch up to him.

"What do you want." His voice was cold, something you were not used to being on the receiving end of.

"I just wanted to walk with you to the debrief?" Your voice cracking slightly. Was he angry with you?

"Why don't you get that rookie to walk you? You seemed pretty comfortable with him over there."

"What? Simon, I was just talking with him. It wasn't like that."

"Sure did look like that." Ghost mumbled, not bothering to spare a glance to you.

"Simon, what's the deal? I don't understand why you're being like this." You grabbed his arm lightly, trying to get him to stop walking.

"What I don't understand is why you think it's okay to go and act like a slag." He ripped his arm away from you, and continued to walk forward.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you let out a small cry. "What?"

"You heard me. Forget tonight. I'm sure you'll be busy with that guy anyway." Simon pushed into the meeting room, leaving you standing in the hallway, alone.

~

Later that night, you heard a knock on your door. Unsure of who it could be this late an hour, you opened it up slightly to peek out. It was Simon.

"What do you want?" You made sure to use the same cold tone he'd used toward you earlier.

"I'm here to talk. May I come in?" He wedged his hand in between the door and the frame so you couldn't close it on him.

You sighed deeply but opened the door for him to enter.

The two of you sat in awkward silence as Simon fumbled for words. He was never good in these situations, and didn't really know what to say.

"I.. I shouldn't have said what I did. That was wrong of me."

You turned to look at him but didn't say anything. It was going to take a lot more than that for him to make things right.

Simon noticed you were saying anything, so he continued. "I fucked up, okay? I'm not good with this shit. I'm not good with words. But fucking hell. I couldn't stand the sight of that Y/N. His hands on you like that? You're mine dammit. Nobody should touch you like that but me."

Your cheeks flushed at his words. You were his? You were only friends with benefits, that's all he ever wanted... right? He told you he wanted no feelings involved, so you shoved what you felt for him as deep as you could, not ruining the chance to be with Simon in any way he'd let you.

"You told me you only wanted this casual, Simon. You made it clear to me that you didn't want any feelings involved, you said-." You started, but Simon cut you off.

"I know what I said. I thought that was what was best, I thought I could.. I thought I could just have that with you. Neither of us could get hurt that way. But God, I was wrong. Because fucking hell Y/N. You're what I want."

Simon ripped his mask off in one motion and pressed his lips against yours roughly. You moaned into his mouth at the roughness he was showing, and he took the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth.

Grabbing your waist with a tight grip, he lifted you up, allowing you to wrap your legs against his waist. Simon kicked the door closed with his heel and made his way to your bed, throwing you down on it harshly.

"I'm gonna fucking show you, that my names the only one that should ever pass those pretty little lips of yours, yeah?"

You were too dazed to speak, too stunned by his words, so you only nodded in response.

Simon ripped his shirt off and crawled over the top of you as he leaned down to place his lips against your neck. He ran his tongue along the side of your neck before biting into the spot just below your earlobe harshly. You cried out, causing him to smirk before soothing his tongue over the spot.

"I'm the only one who should ever hear those pretty sounds, baby." He cooed, continuing to bite little marks into your neck, then using his tongue to caress the bruising flesh there.

He lifted you up slightly so he could remove your hoodie, smiling to himself when he saw you had no bra on. Bending back down, he looked up at you. "These tits are mine."

He continued to hold eye contact as he ran his tongue down the top of your breast and took one of your nipples into his mouth, and sucked. lightly. You moaned loudly as he used his hand to massage the flesh on your other breast while biting down on your nipple lightly.

He moved his way down your stomach, leaving a trail of wet kisses. Making his way to your underwear, he stopped when he was face level with your heat. "This pussy is mine."

He had a devilish look in his eyes as he ran his tongue along your clothed pussy. You gasped, and your fingers flew to his hair, tugging on the strands. "Fuck, Simon."

"That's it, be good, and you'll get what you want." Simon smirked to himself before removing your panties completely, leaving your sopping pussy bare to him.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the inside of each thigh before shoving his face into your core. He ran his tongue along your folds, lapping up whatever he could of your juices. You bucked your hips at the movement, effectively grinding your pussy against his face.

"Use my tongue, pet, go on." He pleaded, looking up to find your head thrown back in pleasure.

You did as he asked, as he flattened his tongue against your core. You slowly started to move yourself up and down, Simon's tongue following your movements. The feeling was ethereal. You'd never done anything like him with this before, and you couldn't get enough of it.

You felt yourself growing close to your orgasm, and Simon could take the hint. Wanting nothing more than to make you feel good, he grabbed your thighs, trapping you in place, before moving his mouth to your clit and sucking hard. He moved his hand to your core and inserted two fingers, pumping in and out at an insanely fast pace.

"Simon!" You screamed as you struggled against his hold. Simon moaned against your clit, and quickened his fingers.

You felt the coil in your belly snap as your orgasm washed over you, leaving you shaking in Simon's grip.

He tightened his arm around your thighs as he licked up the remnants of your orgasm.

"Always taste so good, sweetheart." He said softly, placing a kiss to your core before crawling back over you.

"Let me make you feel good, yeah?"

Your breathing was heavy and you looked through your lidded eyes at him. "Please Si."

He smirked as he rid himself of his pants, revealing his thick cock. In all the times you'd had sex, you'd never gotten used to seeing him fully.

He leaned down to press a kiss to you lips, as he fisted himself a few times. He rubbed the tip of his cock along your folds, gathering as much of your wetness as he could, before inserting himself into you slowly.

"S-Simon." You whimpered.

"I know, babygirl. Gonna fuck you real good yeah?" He slowly pulled himself out again, before ramming himself back into you. "You're always so fucking tight. This pussy was made for me."

He closed his eyes at the feeling and let out a soft groan as he continued to pull himself in and out of you at a slow pace. He always wanted to savor the slow moments, before fucking you senseless.

He grabbed your chin softly, forcing you to look at him, as he picked up the speed of his thrusts. The only sounds that could be heard were his skin slapping against yours and soft moans coming from the two of you.

"God, you always take me so well." He groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head. "Fucking hell."

He moved his hands to your waist, grounding himself as he moved to deepen his thrusts. His cock was hitting spots that had you seeing stars. In all your times of having sex with Simon, you'd never felt quite this good.

Simon could feel himself approaching his climax and fast. He could never last long with you, no matter how often the two of you slept together.

He was desperate to have you cum one more time for him, so he moved his hand down to your clit, and started rubbing vigorously. "Cum with me, sweetheart. Give me one more, yeah?"

He groaned loudly as you let out a squeal, and clenched around his cock, your second orgasm ripoing through you. Unable to prolong his orgasm any further, he gripped your waist tightly and released himself inside you.

You both looked at each other as you each caught your breath. Reaching your hand up, you cupped Simon's cheek softly. "If you want my heart, Simon, you can have it. Only if I can have yours in return."

Simon leaned into your touch before placing a kiss on your palm. "You've got mine, Y/N."

~

Later that night, Simon had found himself watching you drift off to sleep. You'd always looked so peaceful to him, and he couldn't help but stare at you.

As Simon watched you, he finally allowed himself to feel what he's felt for you all this time. He was truly, deeply, and madly in love with you. He wanted to be yours, and he wanted you to be his.

He smiled to himself before placing a kiss on your forehead. "I love you, Y/N."

[mirai-e-jump]

Monthly TV Guide, October 2024 Issue ft. Kamen Rider Gavv Cast Members (translation below)

Publication: August 23, 2024

Chinen Hidekazu x Hino Yusuke x Miyabe Nozomi

Chinen: The three of us have many scenes together, but even before filming began, we were able to go into the shoot with a mutual relationship.

Miyabe: That's right.

Hino: Hide would suddenly show up at my house and say, "Let's play a game."

Chinen: Hahaha! (laughs).

Hino: From the start, Hide was the first to take the lead in bringing the three of us closer together.

Chinen: I wanted us to get to know each other as quickly as possible, and to film in a condition where we could communicate. Because of that, we all exchanged contact info.

Hino: We exchanged LINEs on the day of our meeting, and from there, he immediately asked us out to a meal, which made me happy, and I think this led to better communication on set.

Miyabe: Even on set, Hide helps everyone around him feel at ease. He's calm, but he's also got a reliable side to him, and he also puts alot of thought into his role. He'll also say things to us like, "Let's try this part here," or "Let's practice alittle more," which has been extremely helpful.

Hino: I mean, he's reliable, or atleast he's trying to be reliable (laughs).

Chinen: Eh?!

Hino: That's what's so wonderful about you (laughs).

Chinen: Thank you (laughs). With this production, we've been taking on alot of different challenges, wouldn't you say?

Hino: That's right. First, It's not an easy experience to play the same role for a whole year, right? Because we have a year to work on it, I think there's a certain way to develop and immerse ourselves into it, and if we can do that, I think we can grow alot as actors, so I'm going to go all out.

Chinen: I also want to do my best with action. I've always practiced karate while in Okinawa, so I'd like to become an actor who can also do action. Even now, I'm learning one on one from everyone on the Action Team, and they teach me cool moves that I've sought after myself by saying, "I want to try this move."

Miyabe: I play the role of a flashy gyaru president, but it's the complete opposite of my actual self. Still, I also think it's alot of fun to play an opposite type of role like this, so I hope to continue to expand on that range and to be able to connect with it in the future.

Hino: Is it fun being a gyaru?

Miyabe: It's so much fun!

Hino: Somehow, you're more cheerful than you've been before.

Chinen: I really thought that! I thought that living with a gyaru mindset makes you cheerful, as well as the people around you. For the first time I thought about gyarus, and I thought that being a gyaru is great.

Miyabe: "Being a gyaru is great"! (laughs).

Chinen: I think I'm envious of that mindset…!

Hino: It's positive, isn't it?

Chinen: Yeah. I hope to be able to incorporate that kind of positivity into my own personality. _

-This is what I want to fight with!! Food & Tactics-

Chinen: I think liquid types would be strong. Like the carbonated kinds.

Hino: Shouldn't we limit this to sweets…?

Chinen: Alright then, it'd be konjac jelly! It'd be the type that jiggles and would absorb the opponent's attack. It could repel various things.

Miyabe: I see (laughs). I love plums, so by using it's sour power, it'd make the opponent lose it's strength.

Chinen: That might be the most unpleasant thing for the opponent's side. I don't think I'd be able to keep my eyes open (laughs).

Hino: Ah, that could happen!

Miyabe: In that case, it'd be something like plum candy or plum tablets!

Hino: I'd use experimental types. It'd be like, I put powder 1 and powder 2 together and then mix them.

Chinen: I see!

Hino: That's how I'd restrain my opponent.

Miyabe: It sounds like it would take alot of time and effort to mix (laughs).

Chinen: Would you tell the enemy, "Hold on a sec" (laughs).

Hino: We'd need to establish an unspoken rule that they don't attack during that time (laughs).

[levyfiles]

some people are mad at steven for a moral issue, tbf. regardless of your thoughts on watcher’s streaming service he did still say he has racist and homophobic friends. he still goes to a homophobic church.

STEVEN LIM??? OF WATCHER ENTERTAINMENT??? HOMOPHOBIC???

I assume that you must have been recently introduced to The Pod Clip that the twitter teens who hate him preserved to break out whenever it's a fresh moment to rally hate against him, but I would advise anyone just receiving this clip from August 2020 being passed around with the angle that Watcher tried to hide this to examine the facts of the situation more critically.

I and many others were there when this all went down and just know that I have a zero tolerance standard for people who show no remorse or growth when they uplift racists and bigots so if this was true I would have been long gone from this fanspace.

Myself and other fans who were startled by the statement hoped publicly that it would be an opportunity to clear the air for Watcher because the current political climate was just finally examining anti-blackness in everyone's biases and as someone who is mixed-African growing up in an Asian household, I know that anti blackness is and has been a normalised mindset in the Asian community.

But the thing is, months before this, Steven platformed Tammy Cho and her colleagues to discuss how all of us can work together to stop Asian hate and one of the conversations I highlighted back then was how very clear Tammy was that allyship from the Asian community to the African-American community was tantamount to moving forward. That the us vs them rhetoric has and continues to be harmful for both parties. Ryan and Steven were very involved in this discussion and agreed wholeheartedly.

Having said that, the narrative around the podcast ep never had a chance to be discussed rationally. It really ended up skewed because Steven's response to the backlash from that clip was this

I hope that's legible to you. Many people who felt uneasy about what he said felt a lot better and his intention to say something at the top of the next episode would once again, unfortunately, get derailed because Twitter users (some who are particularly loud about loving and supporting Watcher yet constantly join in on the throng of bullying as soon as the tide turns) were adamant that they needed Watcher to post the clip and Steven's apology publicly on their youtube front page and on the main socials, to literally advertise it when the reality is that not many people were watching/listening to the podcast. For what reason would it be intelligent or good business practice to broadcast this hurtful moment so that more people could get hurt by it?

Watcher's response amid the harassment was to release a full podcast episode where they all discussed what they would do going forward to show that they are allies, not just by not being racist or homophobic but by being anti-these things. They showed that they cared about their impact. It was emotional and devastating to watch and by that time, we knew the pod was likely going to wind down. 2020 was already a miserable time and it was made worse because no matter what Steven or Watcher said at the time, the "stans" on Twitter wanted the man fired, they posted memes saying the world would be better if Steven Lim didn't exist, they wanted him shamed by his staff, and for Ryan and Shane to publicly disavow him. Many of these so-called devoted fans raided the server to yell about how Steven's alleged homophobia hurts them, most of them were white and pointedly talking over people of colour telling them "it's not your apology to accept!". It was a blood bath.

And I see waaaay too many of the same faces utilizing this completely neutral move--that of COURSE could have been executed better--to terrorize Steven, to make petitions to get him fired, commenting on his wedding photo telling him that Tammy should leave him, posting those same damn disgusting memes because you see, a whole bunch of people forgot how disgusting and evil this vendetta was to the point where even watcher's socials started to FOLLOW some of these genuinely mean-spirited individuals. They didn't give a shit about a movement or activism.

What kills me--what absolutely THROWS me--is that these same people expect to be able to return to interacting with the staff, attending live shows, buying merch and sending fan mail as soon as the hate tide winds down. All these people so concerned about a statement referencing faceless hypothetical racists and homophobes that Steven never named nor attributed any context for--as he was never given the chance--are so quick to dehumanize and caricaturize real human beings to their faces and they think this is a normal and acceptable behaviour.

You'll have to excuse me, as an older fan who has seen my fair share of normalised homophobia and racism in these communities, if I disagree.

[inner-viper]

When will you have kids with your FS?

Hello, I hope everyone had an amazing week! Let's welcome new energy into our lives. Now this collective reading was difficult to interpret but I found it fun to answer. I generally only post readings that I think people will find fun. Anyway, Tier's 2 reading will be coming out by this week and I will be asking for another question for their monthly personal readings! Guys I lowkey have baby fever too, send help because I can't have a child nor do I have money for a baby. But imagining their little kicks is so cute.

Book a reading with me for a detailed reading! There is currently a 25% discount running and the most popular tarot reading, "Full NSFW TAROT READING" has the most reviews.

Pile 1

The Cosmic Slumber Tarot: Queen of Cups, Ten of Swords, Temperance, Princess of Pentacles, and The Hanged One

Tarot of Sexual Magic: 5 of Chalices, The Chariot, 4 of Chalices, King of Pentacles, The Moon, and (Bonus card that flew out) Knight of Wands

This will happen when you feel emotionally ready, you both will discuss things and have previously had conversations surrounding children. You both agreed that you both would want to have children at a time when you both are emotionally available and stable. This will happen after a long time together, and it’s definitely after marriage.

There was a point in your life when you went through childhood neglect or pains that prevented you from seeking out a new mindset/life. This took a lot of hard work and introspection on your part, it definitely feels like “I need to be perfect before I become a parent”. You may have been stuck in old ways of thinking but eventually were able to understand that you cannot be perfect.

Now, I do see that you will discuss your values and how you want your children to grow up. You both will be fair and balanced. I am seeing you both seeking out some books and parental classes together. You both will focus on understanding what it means to be a parent, and I do see this can take up a lot of your time from other hobbies that you may have been venturing into during this time period of your life.

You are at the point in your life where you have money and will continue to grow money. I do sense that your partnership will be about creating wealth and creating things in general. This doesn’t mean that you are poor but the majority will not be loaded with billions of dollars. It feels like some of you who choose this pile can grow to be very rich after you have a baby. For some people who will be carrying the child in their wombs, you will want to be chilling and not doing anything extreme. So you both will make plans and have more than enough money and resources for this to occur.

Overall, you both will have a different outlook on life. You both had precious thoughts that may have gotten in the way of having children despite wanting children. It will be a beautiful moment to notice the little things in life and take joy in everyday life.

The sex is kinky and... subscribe to Patreon to find out about the sex

Pile 2

The Cosmic Slumber Tarot: Nine of Pentacles, Three of Pentacles, The Fool, The Hermit, and Seven of Torches

Tarot of Sexual Magic: Knave of Wands, 8 of Wands, 6 of Wands, Queen of Chalices, and 3 of Wands

You both have high incomes together, you will be at a financially advantageous time. There is stability in the earnings you make. I heard “high yield…” so you can have something in which you are investing and it will become successful over time. You both enjoy the amount of financial freedom you both have.

You both will be collaborative, so there will be a lot of exciting plans for having a child. You both will be eager to make things happen. There can be early talks of where the nursery room is going to be, and what it’s going to be like. You both will also make cute trinkets for your newborn despite no one being pregnant yet haha.

Although, you will feel overjoyed having a child. There is this sense of not understanding the full responsibilities of parenthood, it will be a whole separate journey of itself. This will be a path where you don’t know what's coming next and this can make you feel like you don’t fully understand the meaning of being a parent. Make sure to do research even if you have “baby fever”, it’s important to be informed and educated.

At times you will feel unsure, and even guilty of your naivety from the past. There was a sense of following your intuition but also looking back and seeing that you weren’t prepared for everything to come. Things will be hectic, and your life will become stressful. A period of uncertainty will come to you, you will spend time reflecting.

Overall, you both should focus on understanding your traumas. You need to look at things through different lenses because your child can resent you if you are not listening to them. Things can end badly because of your lack of parenting skills, for some, it’s a matter of not being closed off and letting these old habits go. There is some of you who will need to set boundaries with your partner if you feel like they are pressuring you because that is not ok.

The sex is very fiery and...subscribe to Patreon to find out about the sex

Pile 3

The Cosmic Slumber Tarot: Queen of Cups, Eight of Torches, Princess of Cups, Nine of Swords, and Wheel of Fortune

Tarot of Sexual Magic: Knave of Pentacles, Knight of Wands, 8 of Chalices, 3 of Wands, and 6 of Swords

This will be a time when you feel like your heart is open. After many years, your heart is ready to be emotionally involved with your children. You and your partner will experience joy in coming to a point in the relationship where you are taking it to the next step. You both will be committed to making things happen and doing things the right way by your own standards.

This may be something that you both have discussed over time, you both wanted children and were waiting for the right time. When you do make plans to have children, it will be fast. You both have a lot of trust, so that’s why this was able to occur fast. Due to having multiple prior discussions, you know you both are ready for this new beginning.

You both will spend some time thinking about the names, your cultural upbringings, and the values you want to teach your children. You both are peaceful people, so I do sense that you both will pour out your hearts and full devotion. There are a lot of times when you both will envision what your life with your child is like. You may even dream about your child with your FS haha.

However, you will be anxious about having a child and I think this is the fear surrounding childbirth. You may express a lot of stressed-out moments when you feel triggered but this is your thoughts consuming you. It will be important for you to stay grounded and focus on uplifting yourself rather than putting yourself down.

Having a child for both of you will have a positive impact on your life. There will be many good changes that will occur, for some of you, you are “fated” to have children. Maybe this is in your astrology chart and it can give you insights into your future children. There will be many adventurous days and you both will support each other thoroughly.

The sex starts off with a deep makeout...subscribe to Patreon to find out about the sex

[ruskaroma]

ordinary, corrupt human love. | chapter 2: you get me closer to god.

Summary: John is a manipulator, and she, is the new subject of his obsession.

Warnings: this chapter contains stalking, mentions of large age gap, graphic descriptions of violence, and manipulation.

read the warnings. john is not only a menace, he is evilllll.

Author’s note: and we are back, baby. today, in this chapter, you are going to be witnessing a LOT of fucked up shit from none other than john wick himself. my man’s been doing a lot, god bless his poor soul.

also may i remind you all that the reader here is naive! she is stupid! she is not the brightest! she’s just desperate for attention and affection, so her decisions are always stupid and all of that. (please do not hate her, she is trying her best.)

this took me a while to write because it’s long asf and also because you know me, i always struggle with the english language, but i hope i won’t disappoint you with this chapter!

thank you so much for waiting and continuing to support this fic! really, it gives me a lot of motivation to keep writing, and i really appreciate all your sweet comments and reblogs on my last post.

i hope you also enjoy this new chapter since we’re going to have another peak of what goes on in john’s dark, dark mind. (I PROMISE THE SEX SCENE WOULD BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.)

and again, this is not edited so all mistakes are on me! i really do apologize, english is not my first language.

Word count: 10.6k

also read on AO3

In this business, you’d see different kinds of reactions when a man walks into a room.

They all see themselves above everybody else. They think they’re better, deadlier, smarter. That’s the kind of mindset you need if you want to survive. How will you get out of being held at gunpoint when you’re a weakling?

When a man walks into a room, they’ll take a moment to stare.

On the outside, you’d think these people have a lot of respect for one another since they all work in the same circle anyway. But in real life, you’d see the blatant lack of respect these people truly have for each other, because they’ll stare and judge.

When John walks into a room, it’s a different story.

Fear.

John is not like any other man in business they think they could just judge and get away with it, no. John is well respected and feared. He could see it in their eyes when he pass by. The extreme discomfort and alarm to be in the same presence as him. Even if they try so hard to hide it, John sees right through them.

They view him as… something but human. He’s a killing machine. An attack dog. A monster, some would even say. 

Back in the days, John wasn’t exactly fond of the names they’ve been giving him. When he was still new in the game, he didn’t like how he struck fear over these people because he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the power he truly has over them.

But now, something has shifted.

John is a free man. Not the kind of free when he was with Helen, but free nonetheless. Free because instead of getting alarmed with the fact that he’s feared all over this underworld, he’s taking advantage of it. Much to the higher ups dismay. They have been having a very hard time keeping up with his recent activities.

Growing up, it seemed like John got the worst sadistic discipline in Ruska Roma.

All of them did, don’t get him wrong. All of them suffered – blood, sweat and tears. They were all forced to go through extreme discipline, because it’s the crack of the whip that gets the rats going.

But John… John got the worst of it.

He used to take the fall for his fellow students. Fingers couldn’t count just how many times he was belted on the back for someone else’s mistake. The amount of times he was starved, denied of any kind of food or water, and that’s how it’s always been.

John has always been denied for the things he wanted. The things he needed.

Now, he is not greedy. He’s not just going to take everything in his way like a kid that got away from its parents’ grip, because he doesn’t want a lot of things. John already has a house, a dog companion, enough money to last forever.

John already has everything except her.

His most happy moments couldn’t compete with the hot curl within his guts that he feels every time his mind flashes back to that night. That night when she gave in, when she gave herself away to him – willingly. 

John didn’t need to give her a little push to finally get her. She practically offered herself to him, bared her neck and John’s itching to take a bite. To finally make her his once and for all, but really, he doesn’t need to do that to know that she’s his. 

Like he said, he’s not going to force himself into her life. He’s going to be welcomed. By the looks of it, it seems like it wouldn’t be such a hard thing to do after all. Not when she’s already giving up information about herself to John through texts – she’s practically making it easy for him to get her.

So naive. Doesn’t got a fucking clue in the world.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Fucking mine –

John looks at his phone, reading the messages both of them sent each other the night before, and there it is again. The itch in his hands, the need to possess.

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: hello! this is Y/N from the club the other night

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: also that Y/N who returned your super expensive looking coin hehe ;) i hope you didn’t forget about me!

John changed her name on his phone. He changed it to something more… intimate. More sweet. 

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : I could never.

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : You’re hard to forget.

He remembers – no, saw – how she responded. With a smile on her face, hopeful.

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : using my words against me, i see :D 

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : good to know you’re still as slick as the last time we chatted haha

13.06.15 11:49 PM

John : Hard not to. I wanted to impress you.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : you already did.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : with all your brooding and intimidating look. just my type ;D 

John smiles to himself as he reads the message. He remembers the look on her face when she’s typing, and hasn't got a clue that the man she’s flirting with was observing her just from across her building. John wouldn’t call it invading her privacy, he calls it keeping her safe.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : anywho i asked for your number for a reason. i really do want to talk to you again. not just in chat, i mean, but also in real life :) 

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : maybe we could get to know each other more? what do you say??? meet up again, but this time planned unlike our other previous meetups?? haha

He is not a teenager to be feeling this giddy over reading messages, but she truly brings out something shameful in him.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

John : I should be the one asking you that.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : you were taking too looonggg :( 

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : so what do ya think?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : Of course I’ll go. I told you I’d make time for you, didn’t I?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : I’m a man of my word.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

Bambi : ok that’s great! i was so worried you wouldn’t say yes.

John had averted his eyes from the phone that night and onto the little lady across the building. She was rolling around on her bed, still dressed in her pink, fluffy robe and her hair was still wet. She looks like a puppy that John wanted to pet; stroke her hair and tell her she’s his good girl.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : When do you want to meet? 

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : aahhhhh let’s see

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : i have classes tomorrow morning BUTTT we can def meet up during lunch! i get out of school at like 12 and go to work at 3 :D

I know, John wanted to say. I’ve memorized your everyday schedule in the span of two days.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : How about I pick you up from your school, we grab lunch, and I drop you off to work?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : Or is it too soon? 

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : oh my god no way REALLY?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : nooo it’s not too soon don’t worry! you def could so we have more time to talk and everything! i just hope i won’t be bothering you or anything.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : do you have work tomorrow? you look like a 9 to 5 kinda guy :P 

God, she’s fucking adorable. 

13.06.15 11:54 PM

John : I don’t, so you don’t have to worry. I’d love to talk to you more as well.

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : ok! i cannot wait for tomorrow. i should probably sleep now tho so i wouldn’t look shitty when you see me :D 

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : here is the address of my school. [Address]

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : can’t wait to see you tomorrow, john! goodnight, see you soon! x

13.06.15 11:55 PM

John : Goodnight, sweet girl. Have a good sleep.

John hadn’t meant to type that. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, terrified that he somehow scared her away with the sudden affection. But then he saw her read his message, dropped her phone on the bed, and then rolled over again like a lap dog.

She’s too easy to tame, so gullible. John almost couldn’t believe how fast she folded, how desperate she really is. But then again, he could say the same about himself. Lonely and desperate, they were meant to be together. He likes to believe God had put them in this position because of fate, because he has a plan for every single one of us.

John’s never been the one to believe in Him, but he finds himself grasping to that very little delusion that keeps him from going insane.

*

11:55 AM, the students are already making their way out of their designated buildings. 

John is keeping his guard on high alert, eyes scanning the crowd to find her. He’s parked just across the school gate, leaning against his car as he checks the time on his wrist. He’s also holding his phone in the other, waiting for it to vibrate in case she drops a message.

He’s never felt this giddy before. Hands clammy and eyes searching frantically, excited because he’s finally getting to spend alone time with her, but also worried in fear of losing her in the crowd. John doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have the upper hand. When he doesn’t have control of the situation. When she’s not in his line of vision and could be doing god knows what without his supervision.

He checks his phone again. 11:58, where is she?

John knows at this time, she should be out and about already, waiting for a cab to her apartment. His fingers itch, hovering over the screen of his phone. He begins contemplating if he should send a message, but that would make him look demanding and clingy. He doesn’t want to leave that kind of impression on her, or otherwise he’d have no choice but to abduct her and keep her locked away if she thinks about running –

He blinks, sucking in deep breath. 

“Shit,” he whispers, looking up to the school gate again. This isn’t good. What the fuck was he even thinking? 

John tries not to think about it. Tries to convince himself that he is not as fucked up as his mind is making him out to be. He wouldn’t stoop that low, he’s not that cruel –

Are you not?

A certain someone appears in the crowd, standing outside the school gate, already spotting John and waving at him from across the road. Her face is bright, smiling wide. John never wanted to possess something so bad.

He waves back, all his dark thoughts suddenly gone, and everything is rainbows and sunshine. John watches as she crosses the road carefully, looking left and right, seeming small with the people around her. She looks like a lost puppy.

John wants to pet.

“John, hey!” she beams, running up to him to give him a hug which catches John off guard. She’s on her tiptoes just to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, and John doesn’t want to make her upset for not immediately reacting with her affection, and so he puts his arm around her waist and bends down to place his chin on her shoulder. 

He fights the urge to bury his nose in her neck, then maybe sucks a few hickeys, leaving a bite mark to show that the big, bad wolf has already marked his mate.

She’s so fucking easy to get, John thinks.

When she pulls away from the hug, John tries not to look disappointed. Her cologne lingers in his nose. “Sorry. Force of habit.”

“You don’t ever need to say sorry for that,” John says, faux stern as he places a hand on her waist subtly. She looks like she doesn’t mind, that’s a good thing.

“Okay then,” she smiles politely. “Oh, and I’m sorry if I look like a mess. Just say the words and I would totally change to more appropriate clothes before we go somewhere.”

“You look beautiful,” John says smoothly, standing up straight. Even though she looks underdressed next to John who’s wearing a three-piece suit, she is still heart-wrenchingly beautiful. In fact, John likes the contrast.

“T-thanks.”

“Should we go?”

“Sure! I’m excited,” she giggles, the sound practically dancing in his ear. “I’m hungry. Where will we eat?”

“Hm, what do you like?” he asks.

“Dunno. Burger and milkshake.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“The only thing I can afford, unfortunately,” she jokes, though John doesn’t answer, only opening the car door for her. “We should eat in a diner. I know a good one! Also cheap, so you won’t have to worry about the price.”

“I never worry about the price, darling,” John murmurs, but still loud enough for her to hear as she gets inside the vehicle. He swiftly walks to the driver’s seat and starts the car, glancing at his little bambi who’s observing the interior intensely. “You like it?”

“It’s so cool. I’ve never been in a car like this.”

“You’re going to have a lot of firsts when you’re with me.”

As John starts driving, the girl beside him babbles. Not that he minds, of course. He listens and nods, so obsessed with her voice that he could listen to it forever. It’s amazing how John could easily hide the fact that he was just stalking her from across her apartment the night before in the back of his mind, like it never even happened. It’s amazing how he could act like he wasn’t just thinking about kidnapping her and locking her away from the public forever.

But then again, everything about his little bambi would make anyone risk it all for her.  It’s not just John. Anyone would do the same if they were in his shoes.

“How was school?” John asks, averting his eyes from the road for a moment to look at her.

“Eh, it was alright. Classes always drain me, no wonder I’m so hungry now,” she answers politely. One of the few things John noticed about her. How she doesn’t run out of things to say, how she can get the conversation going. “How about you? You going to work after our lunch? You’re dressed up for it.”

“I took the day off today,” he replies vaguely.

“What? Why?”

“I have a date with you.”

She seems to be shocked by John’s choice of words, but she’s more concerned with the fact that John took the day off for her. “Y-yeah, but you didn’t have to do that. We could just go on a date next time.”

“The sooner, the better,” he explains, feeling another surge of something hot into his veins. She agreed that this is a date. Just how fucking gullible can she get? “Work is no problem for me. I want to get to know you more.”

“O-okay. I wanna get to know you more too.”

When John catches a glimpse of her bright smile beaming at him, his hands tighten around the wheel and he steps on the gas harder.

*

John doesn’t like how his mind isn’t making him remember about Helen.

He should be remembering her. He should feel some kind of guilt for being in a restaurant with another woman, but he doesn’t. Every single day since she died, his mind would always make him think about her. But now, it’s like John completely forgot about her existence at all.

The wedding ring on his finger is long gone. Ever since his unhealthy obsession began, he thought that wearing that while doing something so sinful felt so wrong. Helen shouldn’t have to witness all the things he had done in the name of a girl he had only met once that time.

The diner isn’t packed with people. The sizzling of the burgers grilling on the pan and the chatters seem to drown out eventually when his little bambi starts talking.

John gives her a small smile, barely there, just to show her that he’s listening, all his attention is on her.

“Time seems to pass by so fast, huh? I remember when I bumped into you the first time, I really thought I wouldn’t see you again,” she starts the conversation with a bang, but thankfully John’s prepared for this type of talk.

“So you really wanted to see me then?” he smirks slightly.

“Yeah! You’re really good looking and it’s not always I see a guy as handsome as you in my apartment complex and my school,” she says bluntly, though John could see the faint blush on her cheeks when she mentions the word ‘good looking.’ “So of course I had to take my chance when I met you again at that club! God, you were my knight in shining armor. I would’ve been crushed to death if it wasn’t for you.”

“That’s why you should always be careful on the road. You’re small, everyone could look past you if you weren’t careful enough.”

She pouts, placing her chin on her hand as she stares lovingly at John. “You’re exaggerating. I’m not small. You’re just saying that because you’re too big. And I’m always careful on the road – it was only that time that I lost balance and almost fell.”

“Then it better not happen again,” John says sharply, leaning back against the cushioned seat as he stares back at her challengingly. “But there’s no need to worry for the next time. I won’t let that happen again.”

“Next time?” she teases. “So you want to see me again next time, then?”

“Have I not made it clear with my actions and words?” John shoots back, raising another eyebrow. She likes it when he’s being stern like this. All authoritative. She might not know it yet, but her body language speaks for itself. “Do you want to see me again?”

The little bambi smiles brightly, and It hurts. It hurts John to see that smile because she’s just like the sun. But no matter how much she shines, John would do anything just to touch. Just to possess. Just to break.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have gotten your number if I didn’t, right?”

“Good.”

It’s not like she could do much anyways if she says no. Nothing will ever stop John from seeing her again, no matter how bad the procedure would be.

The food then arrives and is served on the table, and John thinks he has never felt anything like this before.

His hands have never felt this itchy before. That desperate, longing feeling to just possess the very thing that’s placed right in front of you. Everything about her is just so captivating, staring up at John like he’s the one who hung the moon, so full of adoration and hope.

Seems like John isn’t the only desperate one between the two of them. He could see it in her eyes. She’s practically begging him to take care of her.

And really, he can’t blame her.

An absent mother and an alcoholic father. No wonder she’s seeking attention from a man like John. A man old enough to be her father – if not older than her own father. John would be more than willing to fulfill the role her father failed to be when she was young. He’d do anything to protect her, morals be damned.

She looks too good to be true sitting right in front of him and he didn’t think watching someone devour a burger twice as big as her face would be so endearing. The way she licks her lips, the way her eyes sparkle every time John would pay attention to the little things she’d absentmindedly insert in her stories. No one must’ve given her this kind of attention before. No one but John.

“Oh, before I forget!” She places a hand on John’s arm that’s perched on the table. A mere innocent touch, yet he can’t help but feel a little giddy on the inside. “We’ve been talking for like, an hour now, and I still haven’t asked what your job is. I’ve been really curious ever since you told me you took a day off just for this. Are you like the boss or something?”

Ah. Of course.

A question like this is inevitable, thank god John came prepared. 

“No,” he simply says. “I’m a book binder. I collect and restore books as both a hobby and job.”

“Wow,” she nods her head, now interested as she leans forward and closer to him. She smells so sweet, John feels like he’s snorting sugar. “I didn’t think book binding could earn you so much money. Considering you’re dressed pretty… comfortably. And you have a nice car.”

“It pays enough,” John replies. Sooner or later she’d find out what he really does for a living, and no doubt she’d be scared. John already has a plan of action for when that would happen, but for now, he’ll try to keep it a secret as long as he can. “Pays enough to let me spoil you in the future. In fact, I think I might just start spoiling you now.”

“You say that to every woman you meet?” She quirks an eyebrow, teasing. 

“Just for you. You’re special.”

John sees the way she immediately turns shy and nervous from the statement. It must’ve felt overwhelming, having someone so much older and with more experience to hit on her like that. But John would say it brings a whole different feeling in him, like ego-lifting of some sort, knowing he just might be the only man that treated her right in her life.

Does killing one of her guy friends and storing him in his basement means treating her right? Does stalking her and watching her sleep from across the building is a way to treat her right? Different story to be told for another day.

“I believe you,” she says, smiling. 

Of course you do.

John diverts her attention from him. “You’re a veterinary student and also part time in a veterinary clinic. What made you want to pursue it?”

“Uh, let’s see. I don’t really have like, a very logical reason for it. I just really love animals and I want them to be part of my job as well,” she shrugs. “As for the part time thing, one of my older friends works there and got me in to gain some experience. I don’t really do much, I help with the paperworks and watch how they do stuff around there.”

I know.

“Your unconditional love for animals is logical enough.”

“I know right. Best job in the world, I might add. I get to pet all kinds of different animals everyday, and mind you I’m not even a real doctor yet,” she giggles, then tilts her head in curiosity. “Do you have a pet, John?”

“I do. I have a dog,” he answers, taking a sip of his own milkshake. It’s sweet, it’s something he’s not used to, but it reminds him of her. “Unfortunately, I haven’t named her yet.”

She frowns. “Why not?”

“I don’t know how to. I’m not good with names,” John shrugs. This conversation with her alone just might be the longest conversation he’s ever shared with someone ever since Helen died. And even with his late wife, he wasn’t as talkative as this. “Maybe you could name her. She’s a large pitbull but surprisingly very gentle for her size.”

“Oh my god, John, I have to meet her!” She beams. “Maybe on our next date, don’t you think? Let’s bring her with us to the park, have a little picnic there or something.”

Next date.

She wants to go on another date with him and she is making this a lot easier for John.

His lips stretch into a rare smile, fingers twitching subtly around the glass as he stares right into her eyes. There’s no hidden intention behind them, just pure adoration with a twinge of hope. Probably hopes that John wants the same thing as her, but he wouldn’t let her know that she is in for a lot more than she bargained for.

“I can’t wait for our next one.”

*

John could still remember the little things that made him feel human. 

Back in the Marines, when he first killed somebody, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt and self-hating that he couldn’t sleep for a week. He’d have nightmares of it; of holding his gun up to somebody’s head and blowing it up with just one single movement. The residue of the flesh splattered all over his face, some of them even went to his mouth. His hands shaked but he didn’t let his crew see it. In their eyes, that wasn’t the first time he had done it.

When he was recruited by Viggo and his little minions, the guilt of killing people was still there, but barely. He used to wish he didn’t feel any guilt or remorse at all every time he pulled a trigger, but looking back at it now, he wishes he could just take it all back. It was only guilt that he felt most of his life, but it made John human.

Now, he doesn’t feel very human as he stands in the middle of an abattoir holding a machete with pints of blood pooling at his shoes.

Back then, he used to kill. Point, shoot, leave. A very short routine he told himself to stick with unless he wanted to get in trouble. But now, he is not only just killing. John is fucking slaughtering people.

His eyes land on the dead body hanging from the meat hook. Naked, gutted alive just a few moments ago. His stomach is sliced open with his own intestines wrapped around his neck, and it fucking stinks.

The raw stench of human blood mixing with the already reeking smell of the slaughtered pigs hanging just besides the one John had slaughtered himself. 

Really, John should feel even just a little amount of remorse or disgust. His client didn’t particularly gave him a specific order on how to fucking kill the target, John did it himself. He didn’t know what the fuck was he thinking when he was doing the wet work, all he knows is that he’s getting worse each day that passes.

The killing part took some time considering the man certainly put up a fight. He was smuggling drugs inside the pigs he was slaughtering. It works on people too, though it’s too risky. Dying with balloons of cocaine up your throat or ass isn’t exactly the way you’d want to die, nor the kind of state you want your body to be in.

John really didn’t mean to go this far, but all the pent up anger and frustration led him to do something so ugly. He feels like a ticking bomb. Every second a little part of humanity just starts fading away, who knows what would happen if all of it were gone. 

This is his first kill since his date with his bambi. That was five days ago. John decided to take another job while he’s waiting for her next decision. He doesn’t want to look clingy and creepy by constantly texting her every chance he gets, so he lets her do it in her own phase. Though, waiting for her texts sure did take a lot of rampant rage on John’s side. Lots of broken furniture and a creepy amount of hours watching her sleep from across the building. 

Just because John is letting her do her own thing for the meantime, doesn’t mean he gets to take his eyes off of her. It’s for the best. 

Their last conversation was yesterday. It was a pretty long conversation, but not long enough for John’s satisfaction. She left it off by saying she’s going to be busy studying for her test and cleaning her apartment, which John didn’t have the time to check if she was telling the truth since he was busy himself.

John is dying to see her again but he knows he’s gonna have to wait it out in the Continental. Or maybe if he’s feeling a little bit insane, he’d ditch having to rest and spend his time sitting on a dusty chair in the same dusty room he’s been staying in for awhile; the building across from her apartment. But until then he’ll have to see where time will take him.

His phone ringing in his jacket is what snaps him from his thoughts. Bringing a bloodied hand to get it, he almost couldn’t press the screen by the slippery liquid covering his fingers. John presses the phone to his ear, waiting for the person to speak.

“Hey, boss. How’s Russia treating you so far? Hopefully not great ‘cause I’ve got some news that will cheer you up.” The deep voice of Alex echoes in the abattoir. It must’ve slipped John’s mind that he had sent Alex again to tail her again while he’s out overseas.

He furrows his brows, curious. “How is she?”

“Hm, let’s see here. Your little pet has been up and about all day with her little friends after they’ve finally noticed the disappearance of that little shit we took care of a while back – speaking of which, how is he by the way?”

“Rotting. Dissolving in my basement,” John replies, hands tightening around the handle of the machete. So this is what she’s been doing and the reason why she hasn’t messaged him all day. “I say the fucker got what he deserved. He’s a creep who preys on women to rape, I’m just thankful we got him out of the way before he got to her.”

“Yeah, well. She doesn’t know that and I doubt she’d even stop looking for her creepy friend unless they’ve found him. What do you want me to do?”

“Give it a day or two. Wait for me to get back and I’ll take it from there.”

“Anything else?” John hears loud chattering in the background, he furrows his brows.

“Yeah. Where are you right now?”

“Uhh, keeping her in my sight like you told me to?” Alex sounds particularly sassy. John doesn’t know if he should be pleased or not. “She’s at a restaurant. I think she’s having a meeting with her other friends or something – she looks upset.”

“Upset because of her missing friend, I assume.”

“Probably. Have you talked to her at all today, boss? Pretty sure I have not yet seen her pick up her phone all day.”

“No,” John simply says. “But she will. I’m sure of it.”

“I see you’ve finally gotten her dependent on you now.”

“Not enough, apparently, since she’s gone a full day without talking to me.”

“Well, you’re definitely getting there,” Alex says under his breath. “I’m going now, boss. They’re leaving to god knows where.”

John doesn’t say anything else, only ending the call and pocketing back his phone. He looks around the area, the coppery smell of blood is stronger than before. He is the reason why it stinks in here, the reason why there’s so much blood and brutality. The body that hangs right in front of him is lifelessly staring with dead, cold eyes. John resists the urge to shove a balloon of fucking cocaine into his stomach, the same thing he’s been doing with these pigs, brutalize him more if that’s even possible, but he knows it wouldn’t help his already worsening mentality.

The thought of someone seeing this body and thinking about how fucked up the person who did this doesn’t concern him as much as it should. 

Instead, John turns his heels and walks away from the scene. 

*

Unsurprisingly, getting her to depend on John isn’t the hardest task to do.

It just might be the easiest.

The moment John arrives at the Continental, he takes his time to message his bambi. It’s only reasonable, he wouldn’t come out as a clingy creep since it’s been a full day since his last message, he has every right to know what and how she’s doing despite already getting enough pictures and updates from Alex.

He asks her how she’s been, waits for approximately ten minutes before he finally gets a reply. In those ten minutes, John takes his time scrolling through the pictures Alex had sent him. Pictures of her bundled up in large, colorful sweaters and wearing a frown on her pretty face. She looks rough, but she makes looking rough look good.

Bambi : hi, john :(( sorry i didn’t text you all day. was busy with something 

John : That’s alright, I understand. I’m just glad you replied. Did something come up? Was it about school?

Bambi : kind of. my friend from school is missing and we don’t know where he is. we’re worried because he hasn’t answered any of our calls for a week and his apartment is practically empty.

Reading that almost makes him resist an urge to sickly smile to himself. His fingers hover the screen, careful of what his next words might be. 

John : I’m sorry to hear that. Have you gotten any updates from the police? What did they say?

Bambi : nothing yet unfortunately. no one saw him the night he went missing :( 

John : I’m sure you’ll find him soon enough. I hope nothing extremely bad happened to your friend.

He sounds… manipulating. There aren’t any more words that could describe what John is doing to her. He doesn’t even know if he can still make up excuses to tell himself that everything is completely fine and normal.

The girl that he likes is currently sharing about the horrifying tragedy her ‘friend’ is facing, the horrifying tragedy being John’s fault, and he’s fucking lying about it. And what truly terrifies him the most is not about the fact that he’s manipulating her, he’s terrified because it feels normal and just… fine.

Normal, normal, normal–

Can John really win her over by going this path? If not, would it really matter?

He will still have the upper hand if this doesn’t end well. But then again, there’s a very small chance that it wouldn’t – if not none at all. John just needs to play his cards well and there wouldn’t be a problem. 

Bambi : thank you john. really hope that too. it doesn’t feel the same without him

John’s jaw ticks.

What do you mean it doesn’t feel the same without that fucker? I killed him for you! He was a creep who only wanted to fuck you and take you away from me and–

A dangerous feeling suddenly surge into his veins that he wants to put back together all the pieces of that fucker just to destroy it in his hands once again.

Maybe mutilating him and dissolving him in pure acid just isn’t enough. Maybe he deserved more. Maybe John should’ve took his fucking time torturing that little shit instead of killing him instantly.

John : And how are you? I hope you’re not too worried about this matter that you start to forget about taking care of yourself.

Bambi : i’m doing fine, but a bit sad bc of it. i also miss you and i wish u’re here so i wouldn’t be too sad

And just like that, it’s like all his resentment and rage just one minute prior vanished in a snap of a finger. A small smile makes its way to his face and a surge of ego soars into his chest. She has no idea she’s got a dangerous assassin wrapped around her finger and the consequences it’d bring her.

Bambi : are u still overseas? when will you be back?

John : Tomorrow, hopefully.

John : And I miss you too, sweetheart. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I finish work.

Bambi : can’t wait to see you. do u want me to pick u up at the airport? :D

John : Thank you, baby, but that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to keep you busy when you already have too much in your hands.

Bambi : mkay. but call me or text me when u arrive, ok?

John : Of course.

*

John is not stupid.

If he ever noticed a man following his every step, he didn’t once care or say a word.

It’s one of Winston’s men, obviously, following him around throughout his business in Russia up to boarding the same plane as him back to New York. Considering John had managed to catch on pretty quickly at the fact that Winston sent someone to trail him, this poor guy is not doing a particularly good job.

At first, John thought about taking care of the guy himself and bringing Winston a souvenir of his dog’s fingers or even one of his eyeballs, but decided that he is not that cruel.

He could be, but knowing he holds all the power over several people under The Table makes John wants to play the game a little longer and just fucking shiver in excitement.

Obviously Winston had noticed that John is up to no good. Not that it’s any of his business, he’s more likely just scared for his own life. He’s probably thinking it was a bad idea to bring John back into the game now that he’s living up to the horrors of his reputation and giving people exactly what they wanted.

When John first returned to the field, it was only to avenge his late wife and nothing more. But now that a bigger monster has grown within him over the course of his stay, he’s now also looking for the fuel to his fire.

And boy did he find it.

The fuel being in the form of a young woman who’s unaware of how much power she has over John. It’s only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose. 

*

10:56 PM.

“Hello.”

“Hello? John?”

“It’s me, darling. How are you?”

“Doing fine. Studying for my exam and all. Why are you calling at this hour, though?”

“Just wanted to let you know that I just arrived back in New York and see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, John, it’s so late. I was thinking earlier that you would arrive tomorrow morning or afternoon, you didn’t tell me you boarded a flight.”

“I wanted to be back as soon as possible and wanted to surprise you, but my flight got delayed so I only just arrived now.”

A soft laugh rings in his ear.

“You’re so cheeky. We can just meet up tomorrow if you’d like, go on a picnic at a park or something. I really, really wanna meet your dog.”

John hears a sigh, then the sound of paper rustling in the background. He counts – one, two, three – here it comes.

“I miss you, John.”

He pushes the curtain aside with two fingers, peering his eyes in the small opening as he watches the figure at the other side of the building. She’s sitting on her study desk in front of a laptop, freshly showered and wearing specs that John can’t help his heart to ache.

It’s been so long.

“I miss you too, sweetheart. Couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was away.”

“That’s very sweet. I hope you brought souvenirs for me, though, or otherwise I will be very sad.”

“How can I forget? I bought everything that reminded me of you when I was there.”

“Now you’re just spoiling me.” Another laugh, then John sees her getting up from the chair and laying on the bed. “I’m happy that I’d get to see you again tomorrow, John. Everything that’s been happening is just so… I don’t know. Stressful, I guess. From my friend missing and school work, I don’t even know where to start. I just wanna be with you again.”

The mention of her friend Jay ticks him the wrong way, but he can’t also help but notice the longing and desperation laced in her voice as she said the last part. John knows it wouldn’t be too hard for her to be dependent on him, he just didn’t expect it to be this easy. They’ve only met once in real life, but their constant texting and calling through the phone makes it up for it. 

“Don’t let yourself worry too much on matters that don’t concern you.”

Silence, then John watches her bite her nail anxiously. “What do you mean by that, John?”

He doesn’t particularly like the way his name just rolls off her tongue like that – like she’s his age, the same way Helen used to call him. He doesn’t want to be reminded of Helen when he’s with his little bambi, it just makes him feel even shittier with the situation. It sorta reminds John how much he truly changed when he lost Helen.

“Don’t worry about your friend too much. I know it’s hard that he’s missing, but don’t put him first before your own well being,” John advises, manipulation just dripping off his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He doubts she would notice, though. “I’m sure the police got it covered by now. I’m more worried about you.”

John could still see her expression through the window despite being far away. She’s thinking about it, letting herself get swayed by his lies and persuasion. She’s too easy, she just doesn’t know it herself, but John does. And he’s going to take advantage of it as much as he can. 

He counts again – one, two, three – and she’s dropping her hand to the bed and sighing softly. There she is.

“Okay. You’re probably right, I worry too much.”

John doesn’t reply but gives a silent hum that indicates he’s agreeing. He sees her taking off her glasses and putting it on the bedside table, suddenly the itch in his hands is back.

There’s a voice nagging at the back of his head and asking him just what the fuck is he doing, that he should stop this madness before it gets out of hand, but would that really make a difference? Even if John did stop, he’d still continue to live with the fact that he was a monster who stalked a young woman out of sheer obsession. He’d already got her dependent on him, he’d already laid out the plan on how this would turn out, why is he suddenly questioning now?

He had done stuff that was worse than manipulating. He didn’t feel a single drop of empathy when he was slaughtering people and shooting them in the head, but why does he feel guilty manipulating her?

“John? Did you already fall asleep on me?”

Soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts, then it’s followed by a soft giggle. John feels butterflies exploding in his stomach. 

“Sorry. I was just–”

“It’s okay, John, you can sleep. You’ve probably had a long day since you’ve been on a flight and everything. I’m going to sleep now too, we have a date tomorrow, remember? Don’t forget.” The faux strictness in her voice makes him smile, then he sees her smiling just as big through the window; giddy and excited. “Goodnight, John. It’s really nice talking to you again. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hangs up first, smiling to herself before putting the phone back to her nightstand. She settles on the bed comfortably, tucking herself into her blanket, unaware of the fact that there’s a monster lurking on the other building, watching her every move like a hawk.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the old mirror on the dusty wall, dressed in black and predatory, reminiscent of the devil himself. 

Might as well live up to the name.

*

John is aware of how dead he looks in people’s eyes. He barely smiles, he’s always dressed in black, and he always has trouble showing emotions through his face. He makes sure that he gives off that aura that shows how much he dislikes everyone in the fucking room. How much he just wants to pull out his gun and shoot every single one of them in the head.

John despises the way they look at him. Like they pity him for losing his wife, for getting dragged back to the life he had already left. Though, he can’t really blame them, really. He used to pity himself too, even now for letting himself get even worse, but he wouldn’t really call it pity. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not pity.

The next day is interesting, to say the least.

He couldn’t get a minute of sleep the night before, the image of her sleeping so peacefully without a worry in the world bored into his mind. It’s extremely fascinating to him just how careless and… dumb she is. Dumb in a way that it’s benifiting John – the both of them, actually – and not in an offensive kind of way.

It was around two in the morning when he returned back to the hotel, managed to sleep for an hour or two before ripping off the blankets and had a drink the first thing in the morning. John didn’t bother taking a nap after that, just walking around the room making sure all is well and everything will be according to plan.

At 8 AM, she texted John a good morning and said it would be better for their date to be at 4 PM. John then replied that it was perfect, though he doubts he can wait that long.

12 PM, for a man as calm and collected as John, he sure as hell can’t fucking sit still in one place.

He’s paranoid. No amount of texts from his bambi is enough to keep him calm. The time is ticking too slowly for his liking and he has no other things to do in his free time. Except be paranoid.

John grabs his coat, kisses his dog goodbye and decides to stop by a grocery store to prepare for their date. He should at least make them both a sandwich and buy drinks, knowing that the little gesture would be enough to put a smile on her face.

1 PM, John comes back with shit ton of paper bags in his arms. He’s doing too much, he knows it, but too much is still better than not enough.

John goes to the kitchen to prepare. The orphanage taught him how to cook – well, not really. John taught himself how to cook, because if he’s not going to cook for himself and half of the kids back in Ruska, they’d all be dead with no survival instincts to save them from starvation. Being an assassin who could withstand any form of torture all while not knowing how to cook would be the greatest joke of the century. John’s not the one to be laughed out.

2 PM, everything is settled and in place, his little bambi texts him to let him know that she’s getting ready and cannot wait for their date. John then takes his time to get ready too.

3 PM, John is dressed in a nice white t-shirt with a brown leather jacket on top. He looks civilised, no one would know a damn thing that he’s one of the most feared men in the underworld who slaughters people for a living.

His dog is quiet in the corner, chewing on her bone toy until John puts a collar and leash around her neck. Her eyes perks up in excitement, already knowing they would go outside to play. John always takes his time making sure she gets to socialize with other dogs, whether it’s in a park or just down the street.

“You’re excited, baby?” John murmurs, petting her ears softly as he kneels down to her position. “You’re gonna meet someone special. Want you to be nice to her, alright? She’s gonna be your mom.”

John hauls everything into his car in a matter of minutes. The picnic basket, the blanket, his gifts for his little one that he got from Russia, also including his dog. She’s behaved yet excited as she peeks in the mirror watching her owner work.

He slides into the driver’s seat and locks his seatbelt, starting up the car and driving away from the hotel. Earlier, John had seen a couple of his co-workers loading up his trunk dressed like he’s going on a date – because he is – no doubt they’re snitching and would tell Winston. He couldn’t care less.

He arrives outside her apartment after thirty minutes, parking his car right by the entrance. He can’t help but grimace as he looks around the place. He remembers meeting her here, the day after he killed that good-for-nothing junkie. He wonders if she ever got the news, how she reacted when someone got killed the same day John was visiting her area.

It won’t be long before she wouldn’t be living in this area no more. It’s too dangerous, filled with a bunch of goons who get themselves tangled up in petty gang wars. John knows a gangster when he sees one, and it looks like every single man who lives in these crowded apartments are either pushers or gangsters with no sense of direction in life.

She doesn’t belong here. She should be in John’s house, locked up and isolated where she’s safe under his supervision. He would treat her like a princess, give her the things she deserve.

John gets out of the car, pulls out his phone and sends her a message to let her know he’s outside her building. He leans against the car as he waits.

A minute passes and a very happy bambi appears in the elevator, dressed in a pretty sundress and a white tote bag with a text John can’t see. She’s beaming up at him as she exits the building, and John hasn’t got the time to react before she’s lunging herself forward and going on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Whoa easy,” John murmurs, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist for support, placing his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent; it’s sweet, not a surprise. “You miss me that much?”

“So much, you don’t even wanna know,” she murmurs in his chest, not quite reaching his neck despite being on her tiptoes. “I hope you miss me just as much.”

John pulls away, gives her a look as he places her large hands on her hips. “I might’ve missed you more than you missed me.”

She giggles, John could see her eyes through the heart-shaped sunglasses she’s wearing. It’s cute. “That’s not possible, I will fight you for it.”

“Hm,” John hums, eyes wandering down her lips to her dress. It stops just above her knees, John has to mentally prepare himself for the worst. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she says sheepishly. “You like it? I think it’s the perfect picnic outfit.”

“I love it,” John clarifies. “Looks perfect on you.”

“You look gorgeous yourself,” she giggles, eyeing John up and down teasingly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. He isn’t so sure how to react to that, hopefully his dick wouldn’t take the liberty to rise from the dead at this moment. “This is the first time I’ve seen you not wearing any suits. Domestic looks good on you.”

“What can I say, I’m a changed man.” John means both good and bad. “And before we go, I want to introduce you to someone.”

Before she gets a chance to ask, John slides out of the way from his position of covering the car window and reveals a very happy pitbull waiting to be introduced to her mother.

Her smile is wide when she spots John’s pet excitedly wagging her tail inside the car. “Oh my god, she is beautiful! John, open the door, hurry, hurry, hurry–”

“Okay, okay–”

The moment John pulls the door open, the dog comes rushing out to jump and starts licking her face.

“Oh, lookie here, baby! You’re such a cutie! What’s your name, hm? Don’t got a name yet? Your dad can’t think of a name to give ya’?” 

Her giggles are like music to his ears.

The sound of paws pattering on the concrete and her high pitched voice talking to the dog fills the empty street in a matter of seconds. When she isn’t looking, John begins looking around the area, his eyes landing on the apartment building where he preys at some nights. 

There’s a person at the front desk, staring at him like he knows something, and like a switch that goes off in his brain, John recognizes this man as the same one who bumped into him a few nights ago in the hallway in front of the abandoned room where he’s staying.

They meet eyes, John flashes him a knowing look, then the man immediately looks away.

John’s jaw ticks. He’s gonna have to deal with that later.

He turns his attention back to where it’s most needed. She’s still playing with the dog, crouching beside the car while the puppy just drowns in her affection. John really hates to break the moment.

“Shall we get going?” He interjects, voice deeper than usual, still feeling a little on the edge from that man by the front desk earlier.

“Sure. She gonna be in the backseat?”

“You bet.”

John opens the door for the both of them and lets her help the puppy get inside. Before he slams the door close, he makes sure to take another look at the apartment, seeing the man already staring back at him.

Yeah. He’s really gonna have to deal with that later.

*

They arrive at the park around 4:25 and John is the one to set up their spot while she and the puppy play in the empty field. It’s empty, totally empty, and John couldn’t be more thankful than that since he really doesn’t want to be around other people besides her. She’s the only one that matters.

John notices that she brought her own dog toys, probably the ones she keeps to herself since she does work in a vet clinic after all. The sight of her happily running around the grass with his dog is enough to bring him to his knees, he is only but a man.

John calls her to eat and the two of them come running towards him and plops down on the soft blanket next to the basket full of fruits.

“Had fun?” John speaks, sitting beside her on the ground as he watches her get a plate of pasta for the two of them. She insists she gets to plate their food, John lets her.

“Very. Didn’t know she’s quite energetic, luckily for her I can match her energy extremely well.”

“It comes with being young, I guess. Can’t really relate,” he jokes, receiving the plate full of pasta she gives him while she snickers at the statement.

“Come on, John. You’re still fit despite being old.” John watches her take a bite of the food. He’s not subtle, he’s straight up staring at her lips as she wraps her mouth around the fork, savoring the flavor with closed eyes. “Hm, this is delicious. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“By myself,” he shrugs, taking a bite of his food to keep him from taking a bite of her instead. “I’m surprised you aren’t creeped out.”

“With what?”

“With my age,” John makes it clear. “You’re young with a bright future ahead of you–”

“Yet here I am having a date with an old man?” she interjects, wiggles her eyebrows, teasing clearly with the way she emphasizes the last part. “I can’t believe you thought I’m gonna get creeped out. You’re a grown man with a stable job and not to mention very hot, I find that very sexy.”

“You think I’m sexy?” he raises a brow.

“Yes, I think you’re very sexy. I haven’t once encountered a guy my age who has the same status as you,” she sets down the plate on her lap for a moment. “You know, experienced and mature.”

“I see,” John nods. It’s very clear that she’s always found the people who contrast her so well attractive. She wants a savior that would save her from everything, luckily John fits in the description quite too well. 

They delve in a normal conversation after that. John makes sure to steer away all questions regarding him and his life, a way to learn more about her other than the pictures and videos and information he’d been sent by Alex.

John already knows a lot about her, it wouldn’t hurt to learn a little more.

Ten minutes go by, a bottle of wine has been pulled out of the basket and she’s spilling her whole life to John in a matter of moments. From lttle memories from childhood to how she moved from her hometown to New York to get away from her father. How when she was younger, she begged her toys to talk to her and she wouldn’t tell anyone. How their family pet back in the days impacted the choices she made to choose her career path – to become a veterinarian.

John listens. He’s always been good at listening instead of talking, so he listens. 

5 PM, the two of them play with the dog and she decides to name her “Blue.”

“Is it because she has blue eyes?” John asks.

“Yeah. Not really original, I know, but it fits her.”

“Blue is perfect.”

It’s already 6 PM when they decide to head home. She’s still talking the moment they’re in the car and John is still listening. There’s something about her voice that just… pulls him in. It’s so sweet and soft.

When they arrive outside her apartment complex, it’s dead silent. 

“I really enjoyed our date today, John,” she smiles when he opens the door for her, now standing in front of him and looking up to meet his eyes. “The pasta was delicious. I hope I get to eat more of them in the future – and oh, I really, really enjoyed playing with Blue! I’m so thankful that you let me name her even though it wasn’t really special–”

“Hush,” John jokingly interrupts. “The night might be over, but I can assure you that I will see you soon again.”

“How soon would that be again?”

“Eager to see me already?”

“Maybe.”

“You know I always make time for you, sweetheart,” John croons, placing a large hand on her chin and staring deeply into her eyes. “Is it too early for me to kiss you?”

She laughs, then wraps her arms around his waist to pull him in closer. John looks at her and falls in love for what to be a millionth time today. She never fails to take his breath away. “Not too early, I promise you. You should’ve done that sooner.”

“Well, I’m gonna do it now.”

Before she can add another word, John leans down to smash his lips against hers, his large hand finding its way on the small of her back to deepen the kiss that she can’t help but whimper into his mouth.

Fuck.

Her lips are so, so soft. John can still taste the lingering sweetness of the wine from earlier and being so close to her that her scent is shutting off his entire brain. If he won’t stop, he might just end up fucking her on the hood of his car until she can’t walk straight.

Their lips move in tandem and she’s following his head like she always does. Her small hands are gripping his leather jacket for support, so pliant and vulnerable, already trusting him enough to kiss him on their second date. 

This is a sudden shift in his universe, John knows he’s already won.

He’s the first to pull away and their lips are wet and connected with saliva. She’s flushed and out of breath like expected, John wants nothing more but to break her and make her his.

Oh wait, she already is.

“How was that?” John asks, voice deep.

“I wanna do it again.”

He chuckles, rubbing his thumb on her cheeks while she’s busy avoiding his eyes. “Let’s save it for next time.”

He’s gonna control himself.

“That next time better come by fast,” she threatens jokingly. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Don’t talk like you’re not gonna see me for days, baby,” John whispers. “You know I won’t let you go that easily. You’re mine now.”

He doesn’t miss the way her pupils dilated and the way the clutch she has on his leather jackets becomes tighter. She’s already fallen deep into his trap, John wants to push his claws in even deeper.

“Say it again,” she mutters, leaning in against his warm large hand as she closes her eyes. “Say it again. Please.”

John smiles when she isn’t looking. He really won.

“You’re mine.”

*

That same night, 4 AM, John is back in his work clothes and arranging something in a dark room.

The stench of metallic blood hitting his nose, and he stands in the middle of the room to inhale that scent – god, does he truly miss it.

The sight of a man in front of him wakes something dangerous within John’s veins. Hands tied up behind the chair, head dropped forward, lifeless and cold. His lower stomach is open, guts hanging off the floor as the other half is used to gag him in the mouth. His eyes are missing, John took the liberty to take them out for staring at him too much, and he couldn’t be any more relieved when he did.

“What do you know?” John had asked as soon as the man woke up from his head concussion.

“Y-You!” The man had yelled, John didn’t bother finding out his name. “You fucking creep –”

John’s hands twitched beside him. He remained silent.

The man went on a rant about how he’d seen John around lurking outside the apartment complex and using the abandoned room on the fifth floor and that’s all John needed to know.

He didn’t need another pair of eyes to tell him what’s right and wrong. Winston is already enough.

The next morning, John receives a text from none other than his bambi. A picture of numerous police cars outside her apartment and an ambulance, and another picture of a dead body covered in white blanket getting pulled out of the building.

Bambi : there was an accident that happened near me, john :(( 

Bambi : the police said somebody was killed and i’m scared

Bambi : they said he was gutted alive 

John is smiling to himself when he types his response.

John : What kind of a sick person would do something like that?

He is not a sick person. He’s just in love.

Taglist: aerangi starrgir1 heluvsvalefr danika1994 fraisejoon doggodorime ohmytate

[starlithumanity]

I don't even know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that all of Ed's violence is a) anti-imperial, b) protective against direct repeated threats to himself and his loved ones, or c) self-destructive in the hopes someone will respond by killing him during his suicidal spiral. (That last example is fairly indirect and performative and comes from a place of severe nihilistic suffering.)

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the violence is triggering and traumatic and exhausting for Ed, and that he is desperate for a chance to live differently but has also never known any other life. Stede gave him the one true glimpse he's had of something gentler! Ed didn't fully know how fucked up his life was before because that was normal to him. That's what growing up traumatized does to you.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the suicidal spiral is a result of Ed's circumstances: of Ed being threatened by Izzy after Izzy repeatedly found ways to force Ed back towards the violent life Ed wants so much to escape, of Ed losing his one glimpse at safety and happiness through Stede and now having to face the darkness knowing he nearly found something different, of Ed feeling like the only way he can survive in this world is by being an "unlovable" monster he hates--and then he's confronted by Izzy telling him he's still not getting it right. Of course Ed gives up then.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed the show's themes about how much harm is caused by toxic masculinity and by masking your true self and by cultures founded on trauma and self-hate and burnout. (You do see the burnout in Ed, yeah?)

I do get why some people might not understand the complexities of Ed's relationship with Izzy--how codependent and enmeshed their identities are--or the layers of symbolism that position Izzy in the story as a metaphor for traditional pirate culture and its harmful impact. (Which is particularly triggering for Ed on a daddy issues level because that's his original trauma.) If you understand those things, the unique nature of the physical harm Ed does to Izzy in this story makes even more sense.

Ed also frequently communicates through metaphor himself. Him cutting off Izzy's toes is not only a show trying to convince Izzy he's playing Blackbeard right and not only a response to Izzy repeatedly threatening Stede/continuing to threaten Ed, but also is meant to physically represent the harm that Izzy has done emotionally to Ed. Ed is communicating to Izzy the only way he knows how anymore: "See how it feels to be forced to lose parts of yourself? Stede was a part of me. My hopes of softness and joy were a part of me. You cut those off too."

There is so much evidence against the thought that Ed is some irredemable, monstrous lover of violence who will hurt Stede someday. Stede would have to repeatedly and directly threaten someone else Ed loves first (which Stede won't do), and even then, Ed would really have to fight with himself.

It's not his nature, y'all, and I'm so frustrated that some people keep insisting it is. I'm frustrated about what that says about people's ability to empathize and consider reasons for or contexts behind behaviors--particularly when the character in question is an openly queer and likely neurodivergent indigenous man. Is it so hard to have compassion and forgiveness for him? Please don't get stuck in that punitive, dehumanizing mindset.

Redemption is so important, which is why I appreciate that Izzy gets a growth arc once he stops centering his entire identity on the Blackbeard persona and clinging to toxic masculinity. (Seeing Stede's impact, how different things could be, vs. the harm caused by the traditional ways, changes Izzy too!) Izzy's time, as a side character and mentor figure and piracy metaphor, does end, but first he gets to live with more meaning and unlearn many of the negative behaviors. That's the goal, right? To move forward.