#a major gay ass bitch!!!! (affectionate) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thatonechicken · 4 years ago

Text

Soooooooooo I did a thing

I’ve been wanting to post some of my writing on here for awhile, but it’s been kind of difficult because majority of my writing has been and always will be on my Wattpad account.

So, here I am, with a Christmas Sanders Sides one shot! Yes, I’m aware that Thanksgiving was two days ago. I just had the idea, so I ran with it.

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Word count: 2001

Ships: Romantic Royality, platonic/family Moxiety, and platonic/family Prinxiety

This is an angsty one shot, with some fluff here and there, and a fluffy ending.

Human AU.

Warnings: Profanity, crying, unsympathetic Virgil (he’s better at the end, I promise), Virgil is Patton’s son. If I missed anything, I am so sorry, please let me know.

Finally, I’m posting this partially to celebrate the fact that I am now accepting one shot requests! Send me a request, and I’ll see what I can do!

Merry Christmas

"Merry Christmas, fairest of them all!" Roman greeted as soon as Patton opened the door, leaning in and kissing his boyfriend’s lips.

“Merry Christmas!” Patton giggled in return, gesturing for him to come inside. One of the things Roman particularly enjoyed about Florida was that it never got terrifyingly cold outside, like it did in some other places.

He sniffed the air, noticing how it smelled deliciously like tomato sauce. “What’s cooking? It smells awfully good in…” Roman’s voice trailed off when he noticed a purple and black blur hurrying out of sight. Seconds later, he could hear a door closing at the end of the hallway.

“Hey.” Patton wrapped an arm around his shoulders, “Why don’t you help me in the kitchen? The lasagna’s already in the oven, but I need someone to wash and peel the carrots for the salad.”

“R-right.” Roman shook his head, focusing on the man holding him close. “Let’s go.” Despite how hard he tried to keep himself busy in the kitchen with the numerous tasks Patton gave him, his thoughts always roamed back to the teenager shut away in his room down the hall.

It was Patton’s son, Virgil Sanders. He was only fourteen years old, and already about the biggest pain in his ass that Roman had ever met. He had been dating Patton for roughly four years now, and Virgil insisted on fighting him every step of the way.

When they were first introduced, he welcomed Roman with a cold glare. Patton reassured him that “he’s always like this with new people,” and “he’ll come around, don’t worry,” but Roman wasn’t so sure. He was right, in fact, because Virgil only seemed to dislike him more from there.

The worst part? Roman never really understood why the kid hated him so much. He tried his hardest to get along with the emo, maybe just be friends, but the teen wouldn’t have any of it.

Now, standing in the kitchen and watching Patton half-mindedly, he couldn't help but fidget with the small box in his pocket. Gazing affectionately at the man before him, Roman repeated the name for what must’ve been the thousandth time. Patton Sanders-Princeton.

He loved the way the name sounded, almost as much as he loved thinking of Patton as his fiancé, or husband. The only person standing in his way was Virgil. Well, maybe he wasn’t in the way, exactly. Roman wanted more than almost anything to love him as his own, but he was finding it increasingly difficult as Virgil shied further and further away from him.

Roman also refused to propose to his boyfriend without his son’s consent. He knew what it was like to not have any control over what happens in your life. He’d experienced that when his father married a homophobic bitch named Karen.

“Ro? Babe?” Patton asked suddenly, and Roman’s train of thought quickly dove straight into the abyss. Okay, not straight. It dove gay into the abyss. His eyes fell onto his boyfriend, who was now standing directly in front of him. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, of course!” Roman replied, but his gaze shifted to the door at the end of the hallway. “I’ll… I’ll be right back.” Patton was concerned about his behavior, but tried to think nothing of it as he left the room.

Roman knocked gently on the white door, biting his lip. When he heard no response, he cracked it open slightly. “Virge…?” he asked when he noticed the purple and black heap facing the wall.

“Virgil.” was the muffled response he got, “Only people I like are allowed to call me Virge.” Roman’s heart sank slightly at that, but he kept up his confident front anyway. He couldn’t afford to let it drop, not now.

He leaned against the door frame with a small sigh, once again fidgeting with the little box. “I, um… I love your dad very much.” Virgil scoffed, but otherwise remained silent.

“I- I want to propose to him, Virgil.” Oh did Roman regret saying those words as soon as they slipped past his lips. If he could’ve taken them back, he would’ve.

“I’m sorry, what?” Virgil hissed defensively, sitting upright and facing Roman with a murderous look in his eyes, and a scowl on his face. “I want to marry him.” Roman murmured softly, nervously.

Virgil laughed dryly at that. “No! Fucking hell, Roman! I didn’t ask for the two of you to meet! I didn’t ask for you to get together! I didn’t ask for you to come over here every other day! I didn’t ask for you to be near me, and I didn’t ask you to try to get to know me! I didn’t ask for you to ‘love’ dad, and I most certainly didn’t ask for you to be my new father, because you never will be!” the angsty teenager got off his bed, shoving Roman out of the room before slamming the door in his face.

Roman’s heart in that moment was like a small pebble being tossed into the ocean. It was sinking down, and showed no signs of stopping. As soon as he was away from the door, thunder cracked, lightning flashed, and tears poured down his cheeks.

“Roman!” Patton cried, immediately rushing to his side. Virgil sat in front of his closed door, quietly listening to the conversation beyond.

“What happened?!” Pat asked, and at first, Roman wanted to answer, but his mouth was the texture of sandpaper, rough and dry.

“H-h-he said-” Roman shuttered in his boyfriend’s arms, now wishing that life had an undo button.

“Shhhhhhh,” Patton rocked him back and forth, “What’d he say?” “H-he said th-that I’ll n-n-never be h-his f-f-f-father!” Roman whimpered, burying his face in Patton’s neck. It shouldn’t hurt this much. Virgil isn’t even his kid, he’s Patton’s. He wasn’t supposed to grow this attached, and yet he did.

Hearing Roman say those words made Virgil falter slightly. He had said so much to Roman in the brief time that he had been in the room, and yet… he was most upset that Virgil had told him that he would never be Virgil’s father. Not that Virgil didn’t want him to marry his dad.

“Oh, Roman…” Patton whispered, kissing his forehead. “I don’t know why he’d… I’m so sorry!” he led Roman to the couch, sitting down with him in his lap. “I knew that you guys don’t get along, but I didn’t realize he would say something like that…” what Patton said only caused Roman to cry harder.

“I don’t understand what I did!” Roman sobbed, “I-I just want to know, so I can apologize, and Virgil will like me!” Ever since Virgil decided that he didn't like Roman, he’d forced his heart to remain stone cold. Just… an emotionless rock that kept blood pumping through his veins. And yet, the tiniest crack was starting to wedge it’s way into the outer shell.

Patton sat there with Roman in his arms, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do. For the first time ever, he wasn’t sure how to help the one who needed it most.

After what felt like forever, Roman’s broken sobs slowly began to fade into quiet sniffles. Patton hugged him tightly, and they were both too focused on each other to hear the door creak open. “We’ll figure this out, okay? I promise.” Patton continued whispering sweet nothings in his ear, hoping it would help. He only stopped when he felt another hand on his.

Virgil carefully and cautiously climbed on the couch with them, wrapping his arms around Roman. If Patton hadn’t been watching him, he would’ve never noticed how glassy Virgil’s eyes were.

“I’m sorry.” was all he said, but it was enough to set Roman off and suddenly, he was crying all over again, hugging Virgil tightly. Roman felt as if the moment he let the kid go, he would immediately go back to hating him.

“You can ask him.” Virgil whispered, and Roman hugged him tighter. Patton didn’t understand, but he didn’t need to. His son and his boyfriend were making up, and that’s all he cared about.

“How about opening presents before dinner?” Virgil suggested, and Roman offered him a watery smile. “Sounds perfect.” Patton hurried off after that, grabbing the two packages he had wrapped earlier. None of them had ever really been into the whole gift giving tradition on Christmas, so they settled on getting each other one present only.

“Here!” Patton chirped excitedly, tossing both Roman and Virgil similarly shaped squishy packages. They tore through the snowflake paper at the same time, each grinning at its contents.

“Patton, this is amazing!” Roman lifted up the beautifully knit white sweater. It had red sleeves, along with a bright red sash covered in snowflakes that traveled diagonally across. What looked to be golden braids stretched straight across in neat rows.

“This is pretty chill, dad.” Virgil breathed, gazing at his. Unlike Roman’s, it had a big purple thunder cloud at the top, with gorgeous purple and black patterns covering the rest of it.

Patton’s eyes were shining as he tugged on his own sweater. “Really? I’d say mine is rather toasty.” Roman smiled lovingly at the pun, laughing as Virgil cringed.

“Me next!” Virgil decided, handing one gift to both of them. He glanced down guiltily. “I know it’s not a lot, and I only have one, but I-” Patton cut him off. “Whatever it is, you know I’m gonna love it!” Roman nodded enthusiastically as he began ripping through the plain red paper.

Patton gasped at the picture frame in his lap, glancing at Virgil with wide eyes. “You drew this?” Roman was just as awestruck, if not more so. This entire time, Virgil always at least seemed like he hated him, and yet… he’d drawn a beautiful portrait of himself and Patton. It looked so alive that Roman could hardly believe it was a drawing in the first place.

“You’re turn, Ro!” Patton kissed his cheek, and Roman tried to force the uneasy feelings away. Nothing was going to go wrong. Virgil supported him now. It would be fine. Right?

“Uh- here.” Virgil accepted the present gratefully, quickly ripping it open. “What. The. Hell.” Virgil lifted a midnight black MCR sweatshirt out of the box, along with two tickets for their next concert.

“You… you…” Roman laughed at that. “When your father told me that you liked My Chemical Romance, I decided I wanted to do something special.”

“Thank you.” Virgil threw his arms around his neck. Roman forced a smile in return. There were so many butterflies in his stomach that he wasn’t sure whether to laugh, or cry.

“You got this.” he whispered in Roman’s ear, and he nodded. Roman took a deep breath before reaching out for his hopefully soon fiancé’s hands. “Patton,” he began, gazing into those chocolatey brown eyes that had enchanted him right from the moment they met. “We’ve been dating for four years now, and honestly? I’ve spent some of the happiest moments of my life with you. I’ve loved you way more than I thought any human was capable of loving, and I don’t want to ever stop. You and Virgil light up my world, and together you’ve made me the happiest man alive.

“Most importantly, you’re the best boyfriend I could’ve asked for in a million years. So Patton,” Roman got off of the couch and leaned down on one knee, “Will you marry me?”

“Yes, yes, yes, one million times, YES!” Patton cried, jumping into Roman’s arms. “I love you so much,” he murmured as Virgil joined the hug. “I love you too, Snowflake.” Roman carefully slid the diamond ring onto his finger, kissing him passionately.

“Merry Christmas.” Roman said to no one in particular as he leaned down to kiss his now fiancé’s lips again. To his surprise, Virgil was the one who replied. “Merry Christmas, Dad.”

#Sanders Sides #Angst #One shot #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Patton Sanders #Christmas #Human AU

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itsclownhours · 4 years ago

Conversation

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

morgause: customer (derogatory)

arthur: business major (derogatory)

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

morgana: i have no self of steam

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

gwaine: turn down for whom?

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

#puff does things #long post

3 notes · View notes

mikkock · 5 years ago

Note

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth”

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks).

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget.

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,,

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

#thats way less talk than i thought id do #prolly bc i wrote half of it when it was between midnight and one AM #wait no it was 2 am #but ye #sry if shit messy af #those two are my faves tho n talkin bout em on the spot is hard cuz my brain is screaming about everything bout em at once #if u wanna get more info on em do ask i love them so much n i feel i didnt do em justice here cuz speaking is a fraud words dont exist #im glad they caught ur interest tho #nothin more gratifyin than not being the only bitch who likes his own children

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xhaotixaesthetica · 6 years ago

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College! Jaebum x Kinda Mad Genius! Reader

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator

You are in: a genetic mutation of Gaia, the dwarf planet

look at this cute ass idiot ugh my heart

so WE’RE GONNA SPICE HIS AU UP A BIT totally not because I’m already sick of the same reader inserts, just enjoy this as a story and don’t complain pls

in this au you’re an astrophysics and computer programming major, minoring in bioengineering

in other words, you’re smart af

like you’re one of those child prodigy kids

Graduated high school early and took a bunch of AP's and CLEP tests so you’re way ahead and somewhere in between a junior and a senior but since you’re so young, you just say you’re a junior

you literally have the IQ of a genius and a bunch of Ivy league schools got in a fight over you but you were like nah nah i want something fUn so you came to SEOUL WOO HOO

you get A's in everything without even trying but that's OK because it leaves more room for you to do more SCIENCE

currently in a polyamorous relationship between you, Math, and Science

you’re really fascinated by the complexity of the universe but at the same time really into physics and math so when you found out that astrophysics existed when you were like 12, you knew that was it for you

you barely have time to eat, much less be fashionable, so you wear pretty nothing but jeans, huge hoodies, Converse, and a super hero t-shirt underneath (same but just because i’m too broke to dress nice)

with good brains comes bad everything else and you’re a hot fucking mess

clumsy, notes scattered all over the place, writing astrophysics shit in the margins of all your papers and doodling constellations on them while the professor lectures, it’s bad

you’re actually kind of extroverted and hyper but you just focus all that energy into astrophysics so everyone thinks you’re a hermit

you’re not obsessed with video games and comic books specifically, you’re just obsessed with space

like Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Ender's Game, Prey, Alien, Dead Space, and even Halo, you love em all, cause fuCkinGH spACE MAN same i’m a space gay

you aLwAyS pLaYS THE FUCKIN SPACE OVERTURE ON YOUR PHONE AND WALK IN SLOW MO INTO YOUR APARTMENT AND YOUR ROOMMATE IS LIKE I HAD TO WATCH THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

always writing reminders on yourself but they only help 60% of the time because you’re a hot mess

you can play the harp and the sitar?? the most random ass instruments, you literally have your harp in your bedroom and your sitar in your lab and like they were gifts from one of your cousins and you’re really protective over them

whenever you have a mental block you sit cross-legged and start playing your harp/sitar and chanting OM or the lyrics to We Will Rock You and your roommates are like omg they really are a mad scientist

you don't mind relationships but like no one wants to be with you cause they think you’re kind of fucking insane so you try not to think about it and just blow stuff up in the chem lab

like you’re really excited, you’ll gladly talk to people and you’re really bubbly and happy and friendly but all you talk about is astrophysics??? and you’re not on like level one, no you started reading college level astrophysics books when you were 14, you’re like wayyyy past PhD level so it's like you’re speaking another language

and no one wants to hang out with you like they think it's cute how passionate you are and how fucking just warm and open you are but still no one wants to be around you cause you’re like some sort of mad scientist and they're not interested in what you’re talking about

but you keep a smile on your face and keep to your astrophysics even though you start to think something's wrong with you and start getting kinda sad

aw bby :’(

and tHEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES that's when Jaebum came along

Jaebum is majoring in Ancient Studies and minoring in Greek and he’s Captain of the Football Team

pretty much every male-attracted person likes him but ain't no one going near that boy cause he is T E R R I F Y I N G

wears all black and never says anything and then when you talk to him he just has this resting bitch face on with no expression and everyone's like I’ll I’ljust go now and he just continues reading

he’s always reading with his earbuds in, you bother him it's your funeral

and it's weird cause like he has friends a precious few and ppl know he's not cold with them so why’s he ALWAYS COLD AND APATHETIC TO EVERYONE ELSE LIKE YOU GOOD MATE???

knows he's terrifying and uses it to his advantage

has no problem glaring down people who reach for the same thing at the supermarket or try cutting in front of him at starbuck’s and they near shit themselves

does not give two shits about all the people staring at him all the time as long as they don't talk to him or interrupt his reading

stays at home unless he's at class, practice, or a game

on the Dean’s List, and a massive teacher’s pet

but still, people just like to admire him for his looks and gush about how mysterious he is and that really irks him cause no one wants to actually spend the time to get to know him he’s not even that mysterious, he’s actually a bit of a crackhead so he's like i don't need y'all i have the Gupta Dynasty to keep me company

youngjae and yugyeom rolling their eyes, like HeRe HyUnG GOES AGAIN

knows more about ancient worlds than the current world?? like sometimes mark catches him staring at technology like it's an alien concept and he's like dude you've had a cell phone since you were like 12, when was the last time you had a break from reading that, chill out for a second and come back to modern times

and jb just scoffs like i don't need your modern times and buries his head in the book again but he just wants someone who's able to talk about the present AND the past with him without ignoring one cause he thinks both are really important

anyways one day you were late to an 8am class and you were rushing and dropped some papers and Jaebum came across it and he was like what in ThE HELL IS THIS cause first of all it was almost completely illegible and then when he did manage to read it, he couldn't understand it cause it was real complex math and science shit and he looked at the name and he knew who you were cause you’re the campus genius and the campus crazy

so he hunts you down until he comes across your lab later on in the day and you’re frantically looking through your BILLIONS OF PILES of looseleaf paper and jb's just thinking about how much of a fit jinyoung would have if he saw this tomfoolery

and he handed you your stuff and you were so grateful and friendly and you reminded him of a crazier version of youngjae

he couldn't help but be curious when he saw the really complicated math and science going on on your paper and he was like what's that, how does it work, what's the history

for a full fifteen seconds, you looked at him like he was god incarnate and you like i'M gLaD yOu AsKeD

and you were talking really fast but the way your eyes lit up when you talked about astrophysics and the way the sun from the window illuminated your features jfc

jb didn't believe in love in first sight he swore he didn't

unless it was you

like even if you weren’t conventionally pretty and most people wouldn't even notice you, bummie didn’t care, it was like you were the goddamn sun or something

he stops you in the middle of explaining and he's like look you're going a bit too fast, so could you repeat what you said but just a lil bit . . . slower

and for a long moment, you were stunned jungshook because like this boi . . . this devastatingly handsome boy who blows everyone off and makes them wet their pants in fear wants to hear me rant to him about astrophysics

and he actually wants you to slow it down so he can understand instead of just pretending to listen

and like you may be a genius but JB just broke your brain for a second

but then you jump back into it like yeah sure

and jae honestly finds you fucking adorable like how excited you get about astrophysics and he actually finds himself interested in it and then he starts talking about ancient cultures and greek and you already kinda know everything he's talking about and enjoy the conversation and he's all heart eyes

gets protective over you after like 2 days???

you don't care, you’re just happy there's someone who thinks you’re interesting so you don't even notice him glaring at anyone who talks to you and always hanging around you to scare other guys off

tbh bummie doesn't really comprehend why people don't like being around you cause like??? you’re so fucking pretty and cute?? you took all his uwus reader

only takes like 10 days before JB finds out you’re really affectionate and you’re hugging and cuddling all the time but he actually???likes it

and soon he's the one begging you for cuddles and you’re like ( ^_^) ofc babe lemme just finish doing these calculations right quick and JB's like asdfghjkl did they just call me what i think they just called me

but like you guys are always hanging at your lab and since JB doesn't really talk except with you and his friends and you never talk about anything but astrophysics on the off chance she gets back to the dorm in time enough to talk at all no one knows that you guys are even hanging out

it's not long after that jae asks you out and he takes you to an amusement park and you have a FiElD dAy because sooooooo much math? and pretty colors? and cotton candy? and he's made you the happiest person ever and in that moment when he sees your face he just can't help himself like pls be my s/o and you’re like ASDFGHJKL ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME RIGHT NOW JFC OFC

and he just drops a bomb on his friends like they're all going out to dinner and he brings you and he's got his arm around your waist and he's just like guys meet my s/o and everyone's choking like S/O We ThOuGhT YoU wErE aRo oR sMtHiNG and for a minute they're so confused because no one even knew jaebum was talking to someone much less the mad scientist person when did this happen

and like they can see all throughout dinner that you’re really fucking strange but it's kind of cute and it makes bummie happy so Welcome to the Family, we have cookies

lol friends? nope, say goodbye to those, everyone is so terrified of bummie and his resting bitch face and them muscles that they refuse to come near you cause you’ve basically got Jaebum stamped on your forehead but that's ok because somehow you became really good friends with his friends and like you have this group chat that jae's not in specifically so they can share embarrassing things for you to tease him about later

but bummie highkey encourages it because if he pretends to get mad, you’ll play your harp for him and he loves that shit

jaebum will knock the living daylights out of anyone who mistreats you or makes you feel bad

like one time yall were walking back after a date and this dude grabbed your ass and was about to open his mouth to say some vulgar shit but he didn’t even get the chance before jaebum LEAPED ON HIM LIKE A FUCKING INSECT AND MOWED HIS ASS D O W N

jae had like two scratches on him meanwhile the dude on the floor probably needed a goddamn ambulance and he just took your hand and continued walking like anyways, like i was saying, no one can give me a valid reason why I shouldn’t get a cat

yall will 10/10 adopt a cat together

well it was supposed to be one but yall were weak bitches, so it turned into 3 same

at first yall rotated the cats between y’all’s apartments but then you were both like let’s just fucking move in together omfg

bam bam constantly breaks into your apartment to play with your cats

you come and cheer jae on at his football games

the first time everyone was SHOOK

for fuck’s sake, you just learned what a touchdown was when you infiltrated a superbowl party for the food sAME, why tf were you even here

but then they saw jae beam at you and they were like omfg, they’re these people

when they win, he runs up and scoops you into his arms and spins you around, pressing a bunch of kisses all over your face and calling ou his good luck charm and you’re screaming at him for hugging you while he’s sweaty and gross even though you’re laughing and kissing him back

when he loses, you and him go to McDonalds after he showers and you just sit at a table eating while he nuzzles his head in your neck and sulks

reader, i highkey advise you to get a couple tats or a body piercing and not tell him

just have your hoodie off one day so he happens to see the tat/piercing and you’ll see his eyes darken and he’s trying to keep calm like

“i didn’t know you had tattoos/piercings”

and he’s looking down at you so intensely he’s almost glaring

“i do, wanna try and find them all?”

you did it

you activated beast mode

whenever jae sees you upset or sad, he’ll just engulf you with his whole body and you can smell his aftershave and feel his warmth while he puts on calming music and tells you greek myths in that smooth, soothing voice

and when you have your head on his chest, half asleep, he’ll just kind of stop for a second because holy fuuck, you’re so gorgeous and you’re his? how did he land you?? he’s the luckiest guy in the world?

and when you look up, wondering why he stopped talking, you see him looking at you with just this really soft, mushy look of complete adoration and before you can even say anything, he’s like i fucking love you

I WAS GONNA WRITE MORE, BUT I GOTTA END IT NOW, I’M FUCKING SOFT HNNNGGH

Gaia, the dwarf planet

#got7 #fluff #jaebum #college au #got imagine #got7 headcanon #reader insert #genius! reader #kpop #got7 scenarios #this is highkey cheesy and cliche and idgaf i love it #youngjae #mark #jinyoung #bambam #yugyeom #gaia #genetic mutation #gaia genetic mutation

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anarchist-moonchild-blog1 · 8 years ago

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SU, Zuke, & Lesbian Experiences

Ugh I swore I’d never comment on SU drama b/c I just want to enjoy the show in fucking peace. All media is problematic, we can acknowledge that and still have fun ffs.

But the shit I’ve been seeing directed towards Zuke for that message is fucking unacceptable. Mockery? Insults? Literal death threats? What the fuck. The narrative they describes strongly resonates with my own experiences as a lesbian. In fact, it’s the first time I’ve seen my own journey into gay love and relationships reflected back at me - or even acknowledged!

Newsflash: Your ships are not the most important thing in the world, and it’s fucked up if all you took from Zuke’s letter was fuel for your shipping wars and fandom vendettas or wtf ever. It was about creating stories that represent many queer people’s experiences and gives us characters & dynamics we identify with.

There are other wlw dynamics on the show - but how realistic are they? Honestly, how relatable are they? Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing those wlw too. But how many lesbians come into their sexuality via impulsive gestures of love practically on first sight (Garnet/Ruby/Sapphire)? How many of our sexualities are defined mainly by trauma and grief, or by love born of rebellion and battle (Pearl/Rose)? I identify with these characters, their feelings, and aspects of their relationship. But they’re not my story.

Like many lesbians, my story is one of struggling against compulsive heterosexuality to accept my love of women. It’s extremely common to have crushes on women when you start your journey into queerness. Those feelings fizzle out for predictable reasons: Internalized homophobia, not being ready to take the next step into romance, fear & awkwardness, inexperience, uncertainty of self, etc. These early crushes are often the catalyst for questioning one’s sexuality. That’s a long and personal process - feelings change, you formulate a better understanding of what you want and need in a partner, and doubt & fear set you back and plague crushes.

The point is: a crush that initiates self-realization of queerness =/= romance between the two parties (Peridot and Amethyst in this case). It CAN happen, but I suspect that’s rare. For me, I fell out of contact with the girl who was my first serious crush - it took me forever to realize I was a lesbian, and when I did, I wasn’t ready to act on it yet. You’ve probably heard similar stories or been through it yourself.

Not to mention that lesbian/queer relationships aren’t just imitations of heterosexuality. The line between platonic and romantic is so blurred it might as well be a spectrum. Our feelings and relationships don’t fit into the same neat boxes as het ships. E.g. I live with my best friend and we consider each other our Significant Other, but our feeling aren’t romantic, nor are they platonic. And my roomie has a girlfriend she is romantic with in a completely different way, that’s unlike our dynamic or heterosexual ones. We love each other and forayed into our lesbian identities together, but we aren’t and never will be a couple. It’s complicated. The x/y shipping convention doesn’t capture the blurry, complex reality of queer love tbh.

Peridot and Amethyst’s transition from early crush to intimate friendship echoes this complexity and fluidity - it reminds me of my own time as a baby lesbian. It feels realistic. It’s not unusual to maintain a close or affectionate relationship with one woman, while developing an entirely different type of romance with another. Amedot isn’t queerbaiting - it’s literally an integral part of the lesbian experience.

And maybe it was mishandled, but it’s refreshing and validating to know we’re watching Lapis & Peridot’s romance blossom over time. That’s how most real lesbian relationships develop, but that gradual growth is rarely represented in media. And to have that intention stated explicitly by one of the SU creators - I’ve never felt recognized like that! I’ve never had my real experiences as a lesbian publicly stated like that, let alone integrated into a major show.

Media saturated with soulmates, love-at-first-sight, and dramatic romance - I can’t relate to that. It’s fucking hard finding love as a lesbian, especially early on! But gradual, undefined, maybe even unexpected romance built on familiarity? Hell. Yes. That’s my life as a lesbian with nebulous, cautious romantic and intimate relations. Zuke’s Lapidot is not ~exciting~ and ~dramatic~, but neither are a lot of queer relationships.

Idgaf what you ship - I don’t even have a preference! But don’t be an asshole about Zuke’s intentions, whatever your opinion on its execution in the show. When you’re bitching about their message bc of some petty-ass shipping war or your desire to look cool by hating on SU or wtf ever - do you ever think about how it affects real fucking people? When you hate on Zuke’s vision - do you consider that you might be hurting lesbians who relate to that narrative? Do you even think about people like me at all? Or do you just not give a shit?

I’ve literally never posted SU stuff before this. That’s how shitty and hurtful you all are being right now. I thought this show was my lesbian safe space - never thought I’d see so many people on my dash throwing my experiences under the bus to further their petty agenda. Was this so important that you were willing to risk hurting lesbians who identified with Zuke’s narrative? Willing to alienate queer members of the fanbase who see their own stories attacked & invalidated when you bitch about Zuke’s writing? Was it worth it?

It costs $0 to be sensitive and considerate in your SU critiques. It’s a fucking television show. It’s not worth hurting real people over - especially lesbians looking for a safe fandom. You can debate and criticize, but be fucking civil, and be mindful that Zuke’s narrative resonates personally with a number of gay fans. Not everything is about shipping - literally just show an iota of respect when you post. You never know if someone reading relates to the themes/narrative that you’re rudely mocking.

This fandom can do better. It must do better, especially in its treatment of marginalized members. I want to believe we can do that, truly.

I hope you take this post to heart.

#steven universe #su #lauren zuke #lapidot #amedot #sorry to my followers for the sudden SU rant #i know my lesbian experience isnt universal but i needed to speak up #like the journey from internalized homophobia to first crush to becoming lesbian bffs to gradually developing a new and first wlw romance #while still having a close but non-romantic relationship with an old friend or crush #is so fucking relatable #and also my life minus the romance (for now)#long post /#q slur /#i'll shut up now #my posts

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gleitzman · 8 years ago

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B-boys on E

It's widely known that marijuana and hip hop are inextricably linked - just turn on the radio or take your pick of MCs becoming poster-boys of weed culture. However, there's a more obscure branch of rap references dating back to the early 90's that have another target in focus: ecstasy. In December of 2000, Simon Reynolds penned an article for the webzine of London-based record label Hyperdub, which now boasts artists such as DJ Rashad, Burial, and Martyn, about the rising trend of MDMA-related references in rap lyrics.

A comprehensive look into B-boys on E, I've republished the piece below alongside a playlist of every track mentioned in the article, including a few sub-2000's tracks that came to mind. Put down the blunt and pick up the pacifier.

Hip Hop and Ecstasy - Simon Reynolds

Magazine editors have a secret formula: "two things, that's just a coincidence--but three, that's a trend". Well, here's three pieces of evidence. On "Let's Get High" from his don't-call-this-a-comeback album The Chronic 2001, Dr. Dre declares " I just took some Ecstasy/Ain't no tellin what the side effects could be". In The Wire's Christmas issue, El-P of underground hip hop outfit Company Flow listed among his 1999 highlights trying Ecstasy "for the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth time". And gangsta rappers Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's latest album BTNH Resurrection contains the song "Ecstasy," inspired by the group's recent introduction to MDMA. The chorus features some of Bone Thugs private slang for the E sensation: "I feel so 'Z'/I feel so ziggety ziggety ziggety/Cause I'm floatin' in ecstasy.." Bizzy's so impressed with the "new shit" touted by their weed dealer that he even wishes Eazy E, Bone Thugs's deceased mentor, "was here to feel pillish, pillish, pillish, pillish."

Add to this reports of thugs and bitches buzzing on E at the Tunnel (New York's most hardcore and "street" rap club), MDMA references in tracks by Jay-Z, Eminem, DJ Quik, Nas, Three-6 Mafia, and Saafir, and persistent rumors about a certain rap mogul who's got a serious Ecstasy habit, and you've got more than a trend--you've got a phenomenon: Hip Hop America Gets Loved Up. It's happened as a knock-on effect of the astonishing surge in Ecstasy use in America over the last two years, itself triggered by a return to reliable, high-dose MDMA pills thanks to Mitshubishi and the brands that followed in its wake. The New York Times reported a 450 percent increase between 1998 and 1999 in Ecstasy seizures by police and customs (which usually roughly reflect the amount of Ecstasy on sale on the streets). The United States Custom Service is projecting a 1500 percent increase from 1999 to 2000! For the first time since it was legal in the early Eighties, MDMA is popular outside the rave scene, with college students and yuppies throwing E parties. And finally, the drug has made significant inroads into the rap community.

On the face of it, Ecstasy would not appear to be a B-boy drug. MDMA lowers one's emotional defences, promotes feelings of trust and tactile tenderness, defuses aggression. It basically creates the exact opposite mind-body-soul state to rap's paranoid and paramilitary ego, all threats and boasts and psychologically armored readiness for the outbreak of hostilities. It also seems really unlikely that your typical gangsta rapper would enjoy exploring Ecstasy's androgynizing effects--the way it makes men more able to express their emotions, be cuddly and affectionate, talk to women without sex as the primary goal, find it difficult to achieve an erection or have an orgasm. These swoony Ecstasy effects would probably be experienced as traumatic not pleasurable--threatening sensations of weakness, softness, E-masculation. Hip hop's ethos of "keeping it real," its concern with reflecting hardcore street realities of crime and incarceration, also conflicts with rave's Ecstasy-fuelled positivity and utopian hope. This dark-tinted realism was a common attitude in the early jungle scene, which was highly influenced by hip hop values. For many Black British junglists, Ecstasy was "false," a chemical haze of unreality that didn't resonate with their harsh experience of urban life.

Judging by the Ecstasy-inspired lyrics that have emerged from rap so far, though, even MDMA can't teach an old dogg new tricks. The sexual attitudes haven't improved one bit. Dr. Dre's lyric about just dropping an E goes straight into "All these fine bitches equal sex to me/plus I got this bad bitch layin' next to me". In "Ecstasy", Bone MC Flesh rhymes about "feelin’ hot and exotic with an arced cock/ I'm feelin' too sexy for my muthafuckin self/Gotta find my bitch and I’m gonna fuck her ass to death!". There are stories floating around about major ballers and shot-callers in the rap industry who throw parties at their mansions in the Hamptons (an expensive Long Island summer home area favored by Manhattan's wealthy and famous) where Ecstasy is primarily used to get the ladies "in the mood" for multiple-partner sex. As for the violence in rap lyrics, rhymes about guns and murda have not been replaced by spiritualized Ecstasy babble about P.L.U.R. (the American raver's mantra of "peace, love, unity and respect"). Unlike with Britain's reformed football hooligans during 1988's Summer of Love, we've yet to see the emergence of the "love thug" in hardcore hip hop. Perhaps the behavioral codes are too ingrained for rave's smiley-face to replace rap's "screwface"--the menacing scowl-sneer that signifies hip hop culture's taboo on showing your teeth.

Then again, it's early days yet, and Ecstasy is such a powerful drug that it's certain to have some affects on hip hop, both as a culture and as a music. Although jungle eventually adopted an anti-Ecstasy stance (favoring the "organic", herbal highs of marijuana over "chemicals"), as a form of music it could not have existed without its precursor genre, 1991-92 hardcore rave--whose sped up breakbeats and manic barrage of samples were basically "hip hop on E," rather than a mutant form of techno. Add Ecstasy to hip hop again, and the results could be as revolutionary as the emergence of jungle out of rave. Whether as a result of Ecstasy use or just an eerily prophetic prelude, there's been a flood of rap and R&B tracks that feature techno-like sounds and riffs over the last eighteen months: Ja Rule's "Holla Holla" with its snaking, writhing riff that sounds like nothing so much as a Roland 303 acid bassline; the staccato rave-style stabs in Destiny's Child's "Bugaboo," Ginuwine's "What's So Different," and Jay-Z's "Girls' Best Friend"; the house vamps and techno pulses in countless Cash Money tracks by Juvenile, B.G., Hot Boys and Lil Wayne, all produced by Mannie Fresh (who actually worked with Steve 'Silk' Hurley a decade ago).

Most recently Timbaland, who's talked about his fondness for electronica and groups like The Prodigy, has produced three tracks that positively drip with the influence of European Ecstasy culture, if not E itself. Aaliyah's smash hit "Try Again" rolls on a burbling Roland 303; the dirge-bass riff on Jay-Z's "Snoopy Track" makes it a rap "Dominator" or "Mentasm"; Nas featuring Ginuwine's "You Owe Me" has the slinky, lurching flow of 2-step garage. Indeed two-step ought to be the logical bridge between American "urban" (radio programmer code for black) music and house culture, since it is basically UK rave embracing and absorbing US R&B. 2-step garage is where the musical advances made during 10 years of collectively living at the cutting edge of rave's drug-technology interface ("caning it", in plain English slanguage) are now being folded back into the humanist, hypersexual pop sounds that ravers originally broke with to pursue manic sexless drug-noise (starting with acid house). As such 2-step could function for black Americans as a journey in the opposite direction, an acclimatisation phase before they get into Plastikman, Basement Jaxx, or The Mover. (Well, one can only dream, eh?). Actually, Armand Van Helden has been trying singlehandedly to be that demilitarized zone/interface between hip hop and house (he's obsessed with 1989 hip-house as this lost moment of possibility) but so far with zero impact in the US. His B-boy flirtations have even counted against him in the world of American deep house, where they don't want ruffnecks coming to the party (forgiveably, perhaps, given the rampant homophobia in hip hop). House music creeps in through the back door of Lil' Kim's new album The Notorious K.I.M., with tracks based on "French Kiss" by Lil Louis and "Break 4 Love' by Raze, and a pronounced Daft Punk-y flavor to "How Many Licks?"

Finally, OutKast's late 2000 release Stankovia is the first real hip hop example, overt and acknowledged by its creators, of a marked influence from rave music and Ecstasy. Big Boi and Andre 3000 go to raves in the Atlanta, Georgia area and even did field research in London clubs. They gave Stankonia faster b.p.m's than its easy-rolling predecessor Aquemini because "nowadays you got different drugs on the scene. X done hit the hood. It ain't chronic no more. They on some other speed-up type shit.... so that's why the tempo had to get a lot faster." The single "Bombs Over Baghdad" makes a botched if exciting stab at drum'n'bass (they're big fans of Photek) while "?" is a disorientating foray into the jungle: tangled breaks, chirruping synth-blurts, ravey riff-lets.

With the E'd up thugs and thuggettes reputedly drifting from the main floor of the Tunnel into the smaller house'n'techno room that it (god knows why) offers, it could be that the hip hop nation will turn onto electronic dance music big-time, finally ending rap's contempt for house music as mere gay disco. Sonically, the differences between the two forms of music have never been smaller---for instance, both techno and rap have been influenced recently by a revival of interest in Eighties electro. As for the drug's cultural impact.... Ecstasy's "loved up" vibe fits perfectly with hip hop's endless professions of loyalty for the crew, family, click, posse. E will only exaggerate this aspect of blood-brother solidarity and "thug love". But what about the hate side of rap's soul? Can Ecstasy lead to a truce in rap's symbolic warfare? Will "call-that-a-worldview?" couplets like "all I know is that bitches suck dick and niggas bleed" (The Lox) lose their appeal to hearts that no longer feel hard? What can be said safely is that Ecstasy had seemed like a drug that held no more surprises in terms of its cultural effects, given that the clubbing-and-raving industries efficiently channel the energy it catalyzes into tidy profits (eg Gatecrasher, whose slogan is "Market Leaders In Having-It Right Off Leisure Ware"--they might as well just put "Sponsored By Mitshubishi, Nudge Nudge Wink Wink" on the ads). But now that the drug has found its way to one of the few demographic and subcultural zones it had so far left untouched---African-American youth---it could be that Ecstasy has new tricks up its sleeves, new stories to tell, new revolutions to unfurl. (Just wait 'til it hits the dancehall community in Jamaica). Watch this space.....

#rap #drugs #ecstasy #music

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