#a lot of time isn’t my own
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#with the stuff i got done today it was—#go to the gym/store. completed 1 school assignment. worked on the l*kercy fic for a bit. that’s it#i know it’s still something and i shouldn’t try to pile a bunch of stuff in one day but i just get frustrated#i feel like i should spend time with my family but there’s so much fooling around waiting on people to get ready so that we can—#watch tv it turns a 1.5 hour movie into a 3 hour event with 17 bathroom breaks#ordering food is a whole ordeal but so is making dinner. both of which is a daily occurrence#i know i sound selfish considering i go to work to get money for me and go to school for my degree but i just feel like—#a lot of time isn’t my own#i don’t really get time to designate to work on my fics i just do it in the nooks & crannies of my life#and i always have to lie and say it’s schoolwork or cross stitch or else i feel like an asshole. either way i do really#any time i get time to myself even if i don’t feel perpetual guilt over not being Productive i just end up getting tired#:/#rose.txt
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Just some more thoughts on that jayvik dbh au
#I got a lot of people saying that Viktor should be the Android#which I did mention in the tags last time#but after thinking about it I just think that the human experience is such an integral part of viktor as a character#(aside from the fact that it makes every character ever)#his pain and suffering due to his illness and disability and class#like I can’t take that away from him#not that Jayce doesn’t go through his own things too#but I think Jayce’s naïveté from season one lends itself well to an Android in awe of human life#and a jaded but wise Viktor who still has a good heart and sense of humour#I mean this is just my version of the au and like I think I said in my tags last time im pretty sure I’ve seen a few around with android V#definitely got recommended some fics that I’m excited to check out!#sorry for rambling - this isn’t to discredit any other interpretations!! just kind of exploring my thought process behind it :)#oh also sorry that this is angsty lol#it’s fine#my art#arcane#jayvik#Jayce talis#jayce arcane#Viktor arcane#dbh#detroit become human#arcane au#noodles talks#(in the tags)
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Watching Loki. I’m on episode 4 and I’m trying to see what the hype was about
#I’m on s1e4 and this shit isn’t gripping my attention at ALL#usually it takes me a season or two to care about a show tho so I’ll be kind to it#is this probably a wild take? eh maybe#some shows I like instantly but this surely ain’t it.#it is a fun concept but man I’m just#they’re not going enough into the absolute batshit shenanigans :(#but that might just me loving comic book camp and it’s far more serious#I’m just so glad they didn’t make both Lokis be a couple thank hood#*god#bro I just need it to get UBER time fuckey and have fourth dimension bullshit involved#update on S1E5 and I’m just waiting for interesting shit to happen#bones speaks#ok it might be getting interesting. they have kinship#Oop and they’re captured. andddd he’s stuck in his own purgatory? oh it’s a time loop. nice.#I like Mobius the best. he’s fun and his charisma is just fantastic. I’m glad they centered his on character a lot and intrigued to see#and where his character goes#GOD NO THEYRE MAKING SYLVIE AND LOKI A THING FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU#god I HATE that shit cmon. make him fall in love with Mobius u dumb fucks it’s so much more of an interesting take
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it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
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Honestly despite my feelings about how the last arc of MHA went down I really love Deku and his story.
I just feel like a lot of the time we get these protagonists whose whole philosophy is it doesn’t matter what you were born as everyone can achieve greatness. But then the series goes on and it turns out that actually it DOES matter because the protagonist has this really great lineage and these really great powers you can only have through birth they were actually born born, predestined if you will, to do this.
But MHA actually sticks to its guns. Midoriya wasn’t revealed to have some great connection to all might that the universe had put in place. He wasn’t defended from some great lineage that makes him uniquely suited to this. Hell All for one didn’t even turn out to be his father, there was no hidden powerful quirk he was always meant to have. He was just Midoriya Izuku a boy who was in the right place at the right time and simply decided to act while the world did nothing. And that’s what really made him a hero.
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I believe him a bit more when he goes anybody can be a hero if you just decide to act
#also never stop crying baby I love taht about you#like I do understand that being given one for all an extremely powerful quirk is kind of a cop out#but still the quirk was passed down to him because of his own merits not becayse it was pre destined or because he was born to weird it#and honestly that’s more than we’ve got in a long time.#yes this is a little bit of a naruto call out cause I will never get over that complete 180 😭#and it does randomly drop that little tidbit of how it was good luck Midoriya was quirkless or the quirk would have killed him young#but honestly I don’t even know what to make of that besides……yay?#also yeah that’s pretty realistic sometimes disabilities make your more suited for somethings so yeah#this isn’t me implying that other protagonists didn’t work hard by the way I know they did two things can be true at once#bakugo proves that. like he is was born with an extremely powerful quirk but nobody can say he doesn’t work hard#it’s just a little tiring to see this underdog character suddenly get a backstory that’s like sike you actually needed to be born to do thi#one piece does this a little bit to be fair to them the story doesn’t really emphasize anyone can do it that way it has different themes#about what family means and it’s all about inherited will so I can give it a pass#but yeah I really appreciate mha for sticking to that gun even though it dropped the ball on a lot of things#like never fully addressing the quirkless people can be heroes too thing but that’s a topic for next time#throwing thoughts to the void#deku#mha#my hero academia#mha meta#mha analysis#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#one for all#mha deku#bhna#boku no hero acedamia
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i think the made in abyss concert today pressed some kind of healing reset button on my soul btw
#i cried a lot. a lot#then i came home and realized i didnt want to just sit at home and waste time#so i went out and sat in two different food courts drawing for two hours#it was a direct demonstration to me if the fact that rotting at home isn’t my natural state#seeking stimulation and challenge is. but there’s something broken in how i do it where I can’t start by myself#left to my own devices i can rot in place for weeks or literal years#i don’t want that for myself any more i know i can get better#I’ve been creating a lot in the past week and i need to keep it up#and apply the same thinking to career stuff (JET is hopefully a ‘have job and place to live while reevaluating yourself’ cushion/launchpad)#I don’t want to give up on myself#!!!!!!!!!! i want to live to see the golden city!!!!!!!#what an insane post I’ll delete it later and maybe do an actual writeup about the concert#orphan hole tag
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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Honestly if like. Isafrin or isilloop or any of them had kids in any way one day. Loop would be the shovel talk parent and they would throw a mug at whoever the kid brought home.
Not even necessarily like. Because they’d be strict I just don’t think anyone else (besides odile) would do that and they’d decide someone had to at the very least.
It’s just. It’s set in my mind loop would give the most intimidating shovel talk ever to some poor kid. Imagine talking to your partners parents and everyone’s really nice to you and it’s scary cause they’re the saviors but otherwise okay and then this fucking creature pulls you aside and threatens to hunt you down if you fuck up even slightly (or kiss in front of them cause loop voice. Ew). That’s terrifying.
#In stars and time#isat loop#sifloop#isiloop#They wouldn’t even do this for Bonnie tho#I think they have too many issues for that#I really shouldn’t post this it implies I’ve thought about a future au with hypothetical kids#Ship kids#not here but the implication of them#if I thought about ship kids they’d be so steeped in my own headcanons for post canon stuff#and like it’s all canon compatible but it doesn’t match a lot of popular fandom stuff lmao#Canon compatible loosely actually. Most of it’s fine but one thing like. Theoretically it *could* happen post canon#there isn’t evidence against it#it’s insane tho#Anyway.#isat siffrin#isat#isat headcanon#Would it be funny to put this in my queue and see what happens#Those hypothetical fankids would be so fucked up tho sorry
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if i had a nickel for every time i found out a guy that i liked had dated somebody who looked exactly fucking like me i would have 3 nickels… which isn’t a lot… but it’s weird that it’s happened thrice
#☹️ one girl even had the same name as me#like how could i ever be seen as my own person if you look at me and just see ur ex ☹️#ive been told i look like this one girl so many times#i even got in trouble for “skipping detention” with a teacher because he literally thought i WAS her and she had detention…#anw i just found out today the guy i like and her used to have a serious relationship#isn’t that so great#a lot of things make sense now lol#jude speaks 🦢 ༉‧₊˚.
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Sharing one of the more powerful quotes from this current chapter of The Nazi Seizure of Power: The Experience of a Single German Town, 1922-1945.
The situation, where even heroism was denied the men of the democratic Left, came about in no small part because of the failure of the Social Democrats to understand the nature of Nazism. Just as their basic premise in the years before Hitler came to power was the erroneous assumption that the Nazis were essentially Putsch-ists who could not possibly attract a mass following, so their basic premise after Hitler came to power was the equally erroneous assumption that his would be a government similar to the others of the Weimar period.
The most eloquent document on this was the set of instructions sent out to SPD Locals in District Hanover on March 23, 1933. It was filled with instructions about sending for handbooks on Socialist policy in communal affairs and filling out questionnaires; in short, carrying on business as usual. The only reference to the phenomenon of Nazism was contained in paragraph seven;
Will the election of our village and town representatives be approved? That is a question which is repeatedly being asked. The question is unanswerable because we do not know what this government will do. However, in any case, we must, now as always, select trustworthy comrades as village representatives wherever we have a majority. Should they later not be sworn in, then we will take a position on this. Under no circumstances should we value any of our rights cheaply.
This at a time when SPD leaders were having their houses searched in the middle of the night for weapons! This when the officers of the Reichsbanner were being herded into jail by Storm troopers, beaten in the prisons across Germany, cast into Nazi concentration camps! The SPD, the only defenders of democracy in Germany, the men who should have been gathering guns and calling the general strike, or at least developing an underground with passwords, false names, and other paraphernalia of effective covert resistance, were instead being urged to keep the party files in order, to avoid bookkeeping errors, and above all to purchase the latest pamphlet on parliamentary tactics in village councils.
If the central offices of the SPD did not know “what this government will do,” the local socialist leaders in Northeim soon found out.
(the book goes on to describe the experiences of five Northeim Social Democrats over multiple pages of raids, imprisonment, misery, and persecution)
#last year I watched the presidential campaign run by the Democrats#and had the exact same feeling and thoughts that this passage gave me today#quotes#history#I’m not truly angry with anyone except the elites#but I’m really upset quietly with a lot of people for drinking kool aid after so many signs and everything#you can do what you want#for sure#but I’m no longer going to go out of my way to help others who don’t ask prepare for what’s happening#you have a brain think it through yourself you know?#not in a mean way just in a get off the fucking news cycle and think for a week you know?#this isn’t a vague post about anyone I promise! it’s just a general frustration post#I’m glad people can get away with not seeing#it’s more comfortable than accepting the coming discomfort#and it’s more comfortable than going too far down understanding lane and ending up at distress panic mansion#but if you want to keep yourself and anyone you care about functioning in coming years#you have to decide for yourself to be or become capable of doing what that takes no matter what#if you need to get yourself out there is no one who can make that final decision besides you.#if you need to prepare for some change to your hobby or work or life routine you need to do that and no one can figure it out for you.#if you need to protect someone else’s safety you need to decide how you can do that without folding or making mistakes.#if you’re confused and don’t feel like you know enough of what is going on you have to fix that for your own brain and verify source truth#it’s just the time to either calmly adapt or to make life harder for future me and I know which option I’m already working to choose#hope for the best prepare for the worst and expect something solidly in between#that’s what I’m going by now#no one knows what will happen for sure. but we do know how fast things have changed for other places before#there are going to be long strings of struggle ahead#we all will choose what people we want to be as we navigate them#I hope we all make it#shh katie#Nazis
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in honour of the dlc dropping today
click image for better quality
#also the words in runes and ancient greek say ghost of sparta#im not sure if the ancient greek is correct so if it isn’t don’t worry about it sweetheart#i encourage you to zoom in and stuff because a lot of the finer details got lost in the colouring#this and something else was supposed to be done for the anniversary but i kinda didn’t finish it in time#i started this in OCTOBER with the mimir portait😭😭😭#there are two more things to go with it#but since the other two have to go together i’m fine with just posting this on it’s own#rendering saves lives people#i’m actually so proud of this you don’t understand#in my mind i thought dec 12th was FRIDAY 😟 and not tuesday#the reason is only something the gods can answer#gow kratos#gow fanart#kratos#god of war ragnorak#god of war valhalla
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You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!
Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨
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Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.
Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?
I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:
Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.
My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.
BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡
Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.
Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.
So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.
Conclusion
Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)
There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha
Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.
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#Also he’s a lot like my own dad so to me with how he is it’s just an immediate “oh yeah he has always drunk duh of course”#So i can admit to bias. Or to specialized knowledge and authority on analysis idk in which way that tips the balance in my favor or not lol#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meta#alcoholism#This post was meant to be short :|#-slaps chilchuck’s family- this baby can fit in so much projection#I have like 3 chil alcoholism & chil family fic wips rn weeeeee#I’m the kind of alcoholic’s kid who grew up to never touch alcohol btw so like. Ik Chil could not have drunk young i just think he did#Can we appreciate the alcohol opinion & resistance chart actually. So often in media it’s either “alcohol’s a source of fun yippee” and#“alcohol is evil”. Thank you Dunmeshi for diversity of opinion thank you for nuance i rarely feel so seen#Izutsumi deserves to tell Chilchuck he stinks#AND BY THE WAY I hope you don’t feel talked down on anon. Ik you seem to have your own interpretation already & that’s good#sometimes i was adressing like. The General Public TM more than you which is why I spent time on some things like ‘think what you want’ etc#Okok i hope that covers it. Help where does the time go#It’s the sort of thing that makes Kui’s masterful storytelling by implying things here and there until it forms a big picture frustrating#for meta. Like! You can’t prove Chilchuck has been poor/grew up in an empoverished family/environment. There’s no evidence#but also you cannot tell me with a straight face that he isn’t and hasn’t like omg. But then it takes 30 pages to explain how he’s coded#Stop showing and not telling Kui smh /j#Ask#I think a lot about the trolls comic and man he was already so tense and grumpy and yelling. I do think that guy was stress relief drinking
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Finished Season 1 rewatch!
I really am having a lot of trouble believing Season 1 was written with The Twist in mind ^^”
#link click#there are just. so many. discrepancies#especially towards the end#with things like LG appearing shocked that Emma’s death node is almost averted#My dude. you are over a month into CXS’s own death node mysteriously absent#He also doesn’t seem to be playing with answers mode on for Doudou’s case#(his reaction is CXS punching Aunt Mei is everything)#and some scenes in Season 1 are really incompatible with Bridon arc#which either means that Season 1 is a different loop from Bridon#or more retcons incoming#but also a lot of problems could have probably been solved if Bridon didn’t choose 2021 and 2019 for its dates#but also I really want to know how Loop 0 went because a lot of things in S1 don’t work if this isn’t LG’s first time experiencing them xD#personally I think Loop 0 CXS never sent the text as Emma#and thus the Red Eye murders never happened#so Qiao Ling never started learning self-defense and the Ouyang-Siwen case happened a different way#as for Doudou… still debating this one#Noodle lesbians; Earthquake; and XSS’s cases never happened in the 0 timeline#but also I wonder if in every loop after potentially this one LG tries to avoid CXS’s powers awakening#but this is a critical node that is even harder to avert than death
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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four walls playlist
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#wow i feel weirdly self conscious about sharing this actually 😅#it's such a random assortment of songs lol#i would like to note that often the music i write to isn’t the same as the music i listen to for me#idk if any other writers here are the same about this??#but yeah the stuff on this playlist is really just whatever has helped me get into the right mood or headspace for the fic#for example#inhaler is on that list and i find them weirdly good to write to for this fic but also i literally never listen to them in my own time#same goes for coldplay#but then also there are obviously some artists i ADORE with all my heart on that list too (hello mansions and qotsa)#also maybe this is weird but i don't actually listen to a lot of miles/am stuff while i'm writing this fic#the stuff i do is all from just before/after the time period the fic is set#which i find SUPER helpful for getting into their headspaces#and i don't like to muddle it much with things they wrote later if that makes any sense??#anyway#i'll stop rambling about it now#hope anyone who checks it out enjoys!! 😘#ps#new chapter of four walls is coming very sooooooooooon!#milex#milex fic#four walls#lulu posts
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being a huge fan of tlou but also like. thinking that certain stories are built for certain mediums. like the entire theme of tlou2 is grounded and fresh because it’s a railroad/story video game that still affords you mechanical choices in how you navigate the world. i just don’t have a lot of confidence that presenting that story in a tv show with the minimal adjustments that they did in s1 will be fulfilling or compelling in any comparable way. because with tlou1 some of the like. beauty of that story was simply that it was such an emotive story contained in the medium of video games. and some of that was retained just by hitting similar or expanded emotional beats in the show, like the episodes that expanded on the life of the characters and the realities of that world. but truly so much of tlou2 emotional depth and ‘why does this story matter’ rests in the fact that’s it’s your hands on the controller, continually choosing to go forward in the story and have hope that it will work out in your-as-ellie-or-abby-or-somehow-booth’s favour. and you simply cannot get that in a non-interactive medium like television. like i do think tlou2 is a good story but it’s a good story because of the investment required by the player to keep pressing buttons and keep returning and to feel the adrenaline like responses of high intensity moments and be jarringly shifted into backstories that only increase the frustration. in general i’ve been thinking a lot about cross-medium adaptation and on the one hand i am glad that season 1 makes the story of the last of us more accessible to people who wouldn’t pick up a video game but it’s also like. maybe instead we can destigmatize video games as this inaccessible and dangerous medium a bit more instead of just . implicitly agreeing . like no maybe your mom won’t pick up a video game controller and play the last of us . but maybe you can play the game in the living room. sometimes the mediums that stories are told in aren’t just important but are actually foundational parts of how the information of a story is conveyed and that’s not only okay but is fucking fantastic. we should be happy actually that there are so many ways to collect a bunch of themes and ideas and put them together and hold them out to someone else and say “won’t you consider this with me. won’t you feel these emotions and care about these characters with me.”
#i’ve been thinking about this both for academic and personal reasons#where like. my thesis literally includes discussion of tlou2 and it’s profundity because of the players position as in control but without#real decision making power in the story#and it’s like. you’re the person animating these two ptsd ridden women who subject themselves to be puppets to their#own grief . and there’s something particularly resonant about the fact that you can’t change the Story. you can only play it.#and like . i’ve talked with my mom a lot about the last of us#since i played it the first time and it really just rocked my shit. and i remember walking out my bedroom after i’d finished tlou2#feeling that odd mixture of empty and completely fulfilled by a good story with tears in my eyes#and a few years later when i visited home and had happened to bring my ps4 along with me and i was having a rough time#my mom asked if i’d want to show her tlou. because she knew i loved it and because i’ve told her it has tropes she’d enjoy#but the only games she’ll ever play are point and click because she’s stubborn and some physicality stuff#but like i remember sitting on the couch just. playing this game and it wasn’t the exact same as her playing it herself . but sometimes her#commentary was like it was.#i just. idk man. tlou lover wants to be hyped but seeing the exact same visuals from the game just in tv show format is like#. what’s the point. why are you distilling the themes by removing the active (non)agency of the player and#replacing it with the passive role of ‘watcher’ in a story so emphatically about having an active role in the action#anyway#tagging this#tlou#for blog organization but this isn’t discourse or whatever just me thinkin my thoughts on my blog
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