#a lot of their voters are fuckin dead now

[ladyshinga]

the reason conservatives in the US (and the UK lbr) are so fucking scary rn is because they’ve seen the polls and surveys and votes, they KNOW they’re severely outnumbered by people with some damn sense. so they’re using their already-secured power to utterly light everything on fire to punish civilians for disagreeing with their view of the world. all the anti-voting legislature, all the anti-trans laws, all the panic about “CRT” in schools... they’re cornered panicky animals. It makes them dangerous and we need to handle them, yes. But it’s also good to remember they’re all scared little pieces of shit.

[continuouscalamity]

CHAPTER 2 - EVENT - ELECTION

[MAGGIE! is online]

[MAGGIE!: the election 🗳️ is happening RIGHT NOW!! 😲 make sure to support and make this mansion a better place 😏]

GM’S NOTE: This is a direct transcript. Not a summary.

[3:00 PM] Monoboar!: As soon as you step inside, you are greeted with the foyer decorated by balloons and partied-up tables. All sorts of colors depicting of the campaign runners are represented in the decor and tables, and one table is decorated for each of the people who are running for leader. If you have a good eye, then you see that there's things on the table! On the tables are portraits of the campaign runners, their interviews, and some trinkets for you to take.

The interviews are shown here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y5x3X10aCUtKbnhaQB8j79-pfGqRLO5uNY5kA0Ir0jM/edit

The ballot box, pencils, and slips of paper lay in the dead center, along with a small list of rules: - If you are a campaign runner, you may not vote for yourself - No more than one vote per person - You cannot vote for someone who is not running - Ask Maggie for any clarifying questions

If you are voting, DM me.

Ignore the. Birthday in the visual.

[3:01 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana reluctantly leaves her room to stand inside the room. Eugh, there was so much yellow! [3:01 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel is disgusted. [3:01 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana stands next to Hazel. [3:02 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel smiles at her. [3:02 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie waves to the people coming! [3:02 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko is at her table! Hi. :>

She waves to Hazel and Hana as they come in. [3:02 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy has set up some of his doves at his table. [3:03 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel is a bit hesitant. She likes the doves. [3:04 PM] Wawwace Cawwaghan || Election: Wallace stands behind his table with his unnaturally impeccable posture, nodding to those who enter. Since CK didn't get around to doing the interview, he is open to being approached by voters who may have questions for him. [3:04 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel avoids Wallace's table like the plague. [3:04 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana also does that. [3:04 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko is also open, even though she has been interviewed. [3:05 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel trailed in, a little curious about this whole thing. He didn't understand what was going on, but he wanted to support his friends. He waved at Keiko and Wallace. [3:06 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel turns to Hana, quietly greeting her under her breath.

"Lady Hime-sama.. I haven't spoken to you s-since... ah, well, how are you...? What are your thoughts on this..." She bites her tongue, resisting the urge to show her distaste. "...event?"

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:06 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy is shuffling a deck of cards. [3:06 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie offers everyone in the foyer a glass of water after getting a platter in the kitchen. [3:07 PM] Eri [arcade]: Eri walked over to the foyer. [3:07 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Stupid," is what she responds with, frowning and crossing her arms. "Let's just get outta here already."

"I'm okay, though! I'm, um, yeah. I'm fine!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:08 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis looks around the voting areas upon entery. Oh god that's a lot of yellow. [3:09 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel waved at Eri. Another one of his friends! He's still carrying around that stuffed animal. [3:09 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Hm..." Hazel nods in agreement. "I tried... well, I wouldn't say talk to Lady Maggie about it, but I definitely told her my own thoughts... I wouldn't vote for most of these people, if I were you..."

She's basically whispering to Hana now. The poet is a bit judgmental.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:10 PM] Eri [arcade]: Eri waved back. [3:10 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko doesn't glare at Artemis as she walks in, despite her bread crimes. You're on thin ice :unamused: . [3:10 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Yeah!" she whispers, a bit loudly. "Everyone's a fudgin' nutjob! What the heck is with the prizes? The decorations? I feel like I'm at a circus voting for which clown should perform first!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars)

[3:11 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: She giggles, hiding her mouth behind her hand. "Fufu~ that's almost it, isn't it...? I do not wish to be very rude, but I suppose I'm a bit nervous... I feel as though this has happened before..."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:14 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Ugh, me too, it's like deja vu or something, right? I don't feel like any of this is gonna change anything! Like, it's totally just that STINKY PIG," she yells that last part, "trying to set everyone up!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:16 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Perhaps... but we might have to vote... who knows what Sir Piggy will do if we do not..." Hazel looks troubled, hand near her mouth curling into a loose fist.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:17 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis waves at Keiko, Hello Lady. [3:17 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana frowns again, looking utterly annoyed. She groans. "I'll just vote for a cute girl or something. It's better than nothing."

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:18 PM] Monoboar!: Monoboar waddles around with a glass of water in his hoof, waddling eventually to Artemis.

"How're ya? Have you been breathing, oink?" He asks.

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:19 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko waves back. :unamused: Thin ice. Very thin. [3:19 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "I don't know if that'll work out... I think the girls running would probably kill if provoked." Hazel comments.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:21 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana whimpers. "I'm tired of this place! I just want out already!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:23 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis gives the little boar a glare. "Wadda want."

...

"Wait- First. How the fuck are you holding that."

@Monoboar! [3:25 PM] Monoboar!: "I asked a question, have ya been breathing? Snrff."

I imagine it like this. It's so weird to draw him with thumbs.

@Artemis Black (Alex)

[3:27 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: That is not natural.

"...yes. I've been fuckin' breathing."

@Monoboar! [3:28 PM] Monoboar!: "Cool. Snff."

"There's been alotta breathin' lately."

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:28 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "I as well... maybe we could just settle on who to vote for, I at least have an idea, as much as I dislike this election idea."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:29 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: "We-- Living things breath to live...?"

@Monoboar! [3:30 PM] Monoboar!: "Yeah..."

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:30 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie walks around, announcing "Runner speeches will occur in 30 minutes!" [3:31 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Yeah, me too, I think. I dunno though. What's your idea?"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:32 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel moves to whisper into Hana's ear.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:32 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: "..."

...

"Anything else ya wanna fuckin' chat about?"

@Monoboar! [3:32 PM] Monoboar!: "Just checkin' up, oink."

He starts to waddle away.

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:33 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Oh my god, me too, like, how'd you read my mind like that?" she said, giggling.

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:33 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko is waiting for someone to come talk to her. [3:33 PM] Eri [arcade]: Eri grabs a pair of sunglasses from Keiko's table. [3:34 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Fufu~ Great minds think alike, I suppose?" Hazel giggles, and looks around at the other candidates like someone probably about to dump milk on a boy and ruin his doll.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:35 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "Ah...Hello, Eri-san." she says, nervously rearranging the things on her table.

@Eri Nakama (Rozen) [3:35 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy makes a staff appear in his hand and starts twirling it. [3:36 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "I suppose so too!" she puts her hand up to her mouth. Schemin. [3:37 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel is just nervously clutching his stuffed animal to his chest off to the side of the room. [3:37 PM] Eri [arcade]: Assuming they are just regular sunglasses, Eri puts them on. "Hey" @Keiko Taisei (Heather) [3:38 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie goes up to Willy's table, seeing the man play around with a staff.

"Oh my heavens- is this going well. I never hosted one of these before." She mummurs frantically.

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:39 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Strange. [3:40 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel stops for a moment, quirking a brow at Hana.

"Lady Hime-sama... by all means, you enjoy being a princess, yes? I'm almost a bit shocked you didn't try running."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:42 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: He glances over as he slides the entire staff into his sleeve. "I'd say its going fine." Willy takes out William Jr. and starts petting him. "I mean, we haven't even given speeches yet, so nothing can really go wrong at this point." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:43 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Oh, yeah, of course! I dunno, though. Like, I don't want people in my kingdom to end up, like, killing people." she answers simply. "I thought about it, but half these people are smelly anyway! I shouldn't have to show them I'm the princess, they should, like, just know already!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:43 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Yeah... speeches..."

"But what if it goes on for too long? Will people get bored?" She asks with an anxious expression.

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:44 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Oh... fuu, I see." Hazel nods, a hand pressed to her chin. "That's reasonable, Lady Hime-sama..."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:45 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "I know." she responds, smirking to herself. She's was so great!

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:45 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: "Maggie." He puts a hand out in a 'stop' motion. "Chill. Some people might get bored, who knows, but the point of this is to elect a leader, not entertain people like a carnival or something. Besides, if it were, I'd be killing it right now." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:45 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Mhm...

...

"Ummm, do you think, uh, A...A.." She's struggling to say the name. "Akihiko... what would he think of this?"

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:47 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie, does indeed chill, clicking her pen as stress relief. "You're right... Just concerned that this might fall apart... Anxiety with these things, ya know?"

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:48 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana jumps, expression saddening. "W-Well...he would..." she put her hand to her mouth.

"...he would be happy to see his friends all together in one room, and...he would cheer everyone on."

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:48 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma sidles in the room late, which isn't exactly good for her leadership image, but she doesn't seem ashamed or when put off by it. She glances around the room, as if making sure everyone is here, and then heads to her own table.

She gives the objects on the table a skeptical look. It's nice of Maggie to do all this, really, but...Wilma isn't much for politics. [3:49 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel lets out a struggled noise of pain, and clears her throat. "Mm, well.. I suppose it's good to make the best of it, yes?"

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:50 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looked away, nodding.

She looked back at Hazel. "You're, um, gonna be safe, right?"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:50 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: The magician chuckles a little bit. "You've got stage fright and you're not even doing a speech! That's funny..." He puts the dove back in his cage not before giving it a little kiss. "You're doing great. Believe me, if you weren't this whole shebang wouldn't be going as smoothly as it is." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:51 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Ehhh?" Hazel tilts her head at the princess, a little shocked. "Of course I will be, Lady Hime-sama! I ensure you that I may be cute and small, I am no easy target."

She pats her chest in reassurance, smiling at the blonde.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:52 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana smiled, too. "Okay, I trust you, so you better not break my trust! Or else I'll be really mad at you!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:52 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie gives Willy a thoughtful smile, "Thanks, Wonder Boy."

"Still, I hope this goes well..."

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle)

[3:27 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: That is not natural.

"...yes. I've been fuckin' breathing."

@Monoboar! [3:28 PM] Monoboar!: "Cool. Snff."

"There's been alotta breathin' lately."

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:28 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "I as well... maybe we could just settle on who to vote for, I at least have an idea, as much as I dislike this election idea."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:29 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: "We-- Living things breath to live...?"

@Monoboar! [3:30 PM] Monoboar!: "Yeah..."

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:30 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie walks around, announcing "Runner speeches will occur in 30 minutes!" [3:31 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Yeah, me too, I think. I dunno though. What's your idea?"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:32 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel moves to whisper into Hana's ear.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:32 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: "..."

...

"Anything else ya wanna fuckin' chat about?"

@Monoboar! [3:32 PM] Monoboar!: "Just checkin' up, oink."

He starts to waddle away.

@Artemis Black (Alex) [3:33 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Oh my god, me too, like, how'd you read my mind like that?" she said, giggling.

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:33 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko is waiting for someone to come talk to her. [3:33 PM] Eri [arcade]: Eri grabs a pair of sunglasses from Keiko's table. [3:34 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Fufu~ Great minds think alike, I suppose?" Hazel giggles, and looks around at the other candidates like someone probably about to dump milk on a boy and ruin his doll.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:35 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "Ah...Hello, Eri-san." she says, nervously rearranging the things on her table.

@Eri Nakama (Rozen) [3:35 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy makes a staff appear in his hand and starts twirling it. [3:36 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "I suppose so too!" she puts her hand up to her mouth. Schemin. [3:37 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel is just nervously clutching his stuffed animal to his chest off to the side of the room. [3:37 PM] Eri [arcade]: Assuming they are just regular sunglasses, Eri puts them on. "Hey" @Keiko Taisei (Heather) [3:38 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie goes up to Willy's table, seeing the man play around with a staff.

"Oh my heavens- is this going well. I never hosted one of these before." She mummurs frantically.

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:39 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Strange. [3:40 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel stops for a moment, quirking a brow at Hana.

"Lady Hime-sama... by all means, you enjoy being a princess, yes? I'm almost a bit shocked you didn't try running."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:42 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: He glances over as he slides the entire staff into his sleeve. "I'd say its going fine." Willy takes out William Jr. and starts petting him. "I mean, we haven't even given speeches yet, so nothing can really go wrong at this point." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:43 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Oh, yeah, of course! I dunno, though. Like, I don't want people in my kingdom to end up, like, killing people." she answers simply. "I thought about it, but half these people are smelly anyway! I shouldn't have to show them I'm the princess, they should, like, just know already!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:43 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Yeah... speeches..."

"But what if it goes on for too long? Will people get bored?" She asks with an anxious expression.

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:44 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Oh... fuu, I see." Hazel nods, a hand pressed to her chin. "That's reasonable, Lady Hime-sama..."

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:45 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "I know." she responds, smirking to herself. She's was so great!

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:45 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: "Maggie." He puts a hand out in a 'stop' motion. "Chill. Some people might get bored, who knows, but the point of this is to elect a leader, not entertain people like a carnival or something. Besides, if it were, I'd be killing it right now." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:45 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Mhm...

...

"Ummm, do you think, uh, A...A.." She's struggling to say the name. "Akihiko... what would he think of this?"

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:47 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie, does indeed chill, clicking her pen as stress relief. "You're right... Just concerned that this might fall apart... Anxiety with these things, ya know?"

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:48 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana jumps, expression saddening. "W-Well...he would..." she put her hand to her mouth.

"...he would be happy to see his friends all together in one room, and...he would cheer everyone on."

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:48 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma sidles in the room late, which isn't exactly good for her leadership image, but she doesn't seem ashamed or when put off by it. She glances around the room, as if making sure everyone is here, and then heads to her own table.

She gives the objects on the table a skeptical look. It's nice of Maggie to do all this, really, but...Wilma isn't much for politics. [3:49 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel lets out a struggled noise of pain, and clears her throat. "Mm, well.. I suppose it's good to make the best of it, yes?"

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:50 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looked away, nodding.

She looked back at Hazel. "You're, um, gonna be safe, right?"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:50 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: The magician chuckles a little bit. "You've got stage fright and you're not even doing a speech! That's funny..." He puts the dove back in his cage not before giving it a little kiss. "You're doing great. Believe me, if you weren't this whole shebang wouldn't be going as smoothly as it is." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:51 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Ehhh?" Hazel tilts her head at the princess, a little shocked. "Of course I will be, Lady Hime-sama! I ensure you that I may be cute and small, I am no easy target."

She pats her chest in reassurance, smiling at the blonde.

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:52 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana smiled, too. "Okay, I trust you, so you better not break my trust! Or else I'll be really mad at you!"

@Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [3:52 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie gives Willy a thoughtful smile, "Thanks, Wonder Boy."

"Still, I hope this goes well..."

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [3:52 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "I won't, I won't!" Hazel shakes her head adamantly. "It's for my passion of life that prevents me from facing Death himself~"

@Hana Minami (Melody) [3:53 PM] Eri [arcade]: "Well good luck" Eri leaves to grab a glass of water. [3:54 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma waves at Hazel and Hana, since they're friends ....or friend-ly, at least.

She's bored. [3:54 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel waves at Wilma! [3:54 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana waves at Wilma, too! She looks at Wilma with the least distain out of the rest of the contestants. [3:55 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: "Guess there's only one way to find out." Willy starts doing the Ball and Cup Trick™. "But I think it'll be fine." @Maggie (Lexi) [3:55 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko waves in Eri's direction as she leaves. Sorry, she was too nervous to say anything. [3:56 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie sighs out, getting up to announce "The first speech will happen in 4 minutes!" But who though...

She walks up to Keiko, whispering to her "You'll be up first, honey. Hope that's fine with ya!"

@Keiko Taisei (Heather) [3:57 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel decides to grab Hana's wrist and drag her over to Wilma before any speeches happen. Engage in conversation. [3:58 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko gulps. "Y-yes...of course it's fine. I'm totally fine."

@Maggie (Lexi) [3:59 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie nods, setting up the center for Speech Time. [3:59 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: She gestures Keiko to come.

@Keiko Taisei (Heather) [4:00 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Ok. You've got this, Taisei. You can do this.

She follows Maggie.

@Maggie (Lexi) [4:01 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: "Howdy ladies," Wilma nods her head to the two, a tense smile on her face. "This is a whole rodeo, now ain't it?"

"Been a while since I seen ya, princess and poet. You doing ok?" She pops the 'p's in both of those, either unaware or uncaring that a speech is about to start.

Don't answer her, probably. Or answer fast. I truly don't want to interrupt Keiko. @Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) @Hana Minami (Melody) [4:01 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "And first up to say her speech," she booms out, "iiiis Keiko Taisei!"

She gestures to her, hopefully her loud voice brings everyone's attention. [4:01 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "I'm doing. I... I.... I'm alive!"

An answer, she supposes. Her attention is grabbed by Maggie, uh oh!

@Wilma Ortega (Auz) [4:02 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: "Good enough, I spose." Wilma also turns her attention to Maggie. [4:02 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana was about to answer, but then she looks at Maggie. [4:03 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel turned his attention to Maggie. He's curious. [4:03 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy put away all of his tricks and looks towards Maggie. [4:03 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma offers the chairs at her table to Hana and Hazel. She's been standing anyways. [4:03 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel sits down delicately and thanks Wilma. [4:04 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis snaps to attention. She runs out to grab a seat near the stage. Go Keiko! [4:05 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana sits down, too! But less delicately. The chair scoots backwards. [4:06 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "Thank you all for coming..." Keiko starts, a bit nervous, "I'll try to be as brief and as simple as I can, I know no one likes long-winded speeches." she chuckles.

"I want to start by stating my reasons for  joining this election." she places both hands on top of her cane, taking a deep breath, "I care about all of us. Not only because it is my duty as the Ultimate Moral Compass, but because I consider you all my friends, even if some of us haven't talked much to each other. And it is for being my friends that I know it's the least I can do to run for this election, to serve as the person who will help us unite and find our way out of here." she pauses.

"For what is a compass, if not a tool to help one find its way? My objective is not to be an unquestioned leader, but someone who will help us realize our true potential, and ultimately, someone who will make sure no one else leaves this mansion inside a body bag."

"That's not to say my motivations are wholly selfless, of course. Nothing is." she states, "I have so many things I want to do after I get out. I want to finish high school, then go to college...I want to work as a teacher, for little kids, you know?" she smiles, "I want to get married and build a family..." [4:07 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "I don't want to die at age seventeen. I don't want this horrible place to be where my life ends. I won't let it." she states, no doubts in her voice, "And I don't want any more of us to die, either."

“All of us have things we want to do, dreams we want to accomplish. And even those of us who don’t should have time to figure out what they want. We are so young, and none of us deserves to die.”

"This is why we must act. What happened to Oshiro-san and Bishop-san was a tragedy, and I refuse to let it happen again. And the only way I see to stop it from happening is if we trust each other and work together to beat this game."

"Which brings us to the motives. Monoboar clearly meant to single us out using them --a sort of 'divide and conquer' strategy on his part- so we must do the opposite of what they want. We must unite, because together, we are strong. Together, we are unstoppable." [4:07 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "Whoever put us here has underestimated us. They expected us to panic, to lose ourselves in this terrible game, but they were wrong. We will make them regret it, and we will persevere! Together!" she finishes her speech, determination shining in her eyes. [4:09 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Aaand that was Keiko Taisei, everybody!" She gives a clap to her. [4:09 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel claps as well. Very nice very nice. [4:10 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps. [4:10 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel is in tears now. This is fine. [4:10 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie gives a look to Willy, silently telling him "Are you ready for your speech now?" with her expression.

@William "Willy Wonder" Sherman (Dingle) [4:10 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma claps as well. [4:10 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis claps loudly, in an excited manner. Go Keiko. [4:10 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: He gives a nod. @Maggie (Lexi)

[4:11 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Oh shit was it that bad? People are crying...Keiko bows awkwardly, all her earlier confidence seemingly gone now that the speech is over, "T-thank you..."

Then she hurries back to her table. [4:11 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana also claps. She reluctantly admits that she liked it... [4:11 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Next up, iiiis..."

"Willy Wonder!" Maggie gestures to the magician to come to the center. [4:12 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel claps. [4:12 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma claps too. I can't think of an interesting way to say this. [4:13 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy takes the stage, cleared his throat and looked around at all the audience, glancing at his cards, then back to the audience. "My fellow ultimates. For too long have we felt the iron fist of the pig and been trapped here! Four weeks without access to the outside world and what do we have to show for it? Two of us, two human beings, dead. We have nobody to blame except the one keeping us here. Why did we see such horror? Why did one of us succumb to such villainy?"

A pause.

"We were not united. All of us were not trusting of each other, not wholly. The pressure put on the by that disgusting boar was what separated us! A chain is stronger when linked than when apart, and that chain is what will set us free from this killing game! With me as leader, I am going to listen. I am going to hear all of your ideas and put forth what the people want- what we want. We must band together, as human beings, to free ourselves of this prison- emotionally and physically. Stop this reckless thieving of people's lives and take a stand! We say no to the motives! We say no to the pig! We say 'We're going to live and we will survive!' " Another pause after finishing his speech, with a determined smile on his face. "Thank you." [4:14 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Damn... Hazel is moved. She nods intently and claps. [4:15 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma claps, looking impressed. He may look like a clown, but he speaks well. [4:15 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana claps, too. Damn!!!!! [4:15 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie quickly comments "How verse!" and brings her hands together. Clap clap clap. [4:15 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps politely. [4:15 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Willy Wonder, everybody!" [4:15 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy bows and heads back to his table. [4:17 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie exchanges a look to Wallace.

CK is out, so I'll be using the mascot account to fill in for hir. [4:17 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Next up, Wallace Callaghan!" She gestures to the debater. [4:17 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel's stone cold expression speaks everything. [4:18 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps as Wallace walks up. :open_mouth: friend. [4:18 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel's full attention is back. [4:18 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps once. [4:18 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Hmph." [4:18 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma claps...slowly. [4:19 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis scowls. No claps from her. [4:20 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana yawns. [4:20 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie sees the reluctant looks of some folk, mirroring the same expression. [4:20 PM] Monoboar!: Wallace brings himself to the center, clearing his throat. [4:20 PM] Monoboar!: “Fellow Ultimate students,” Wallace begins, drawing himself up to his full height and clasping his hands behind his back, “we find ourselves today in the midst of a situation that I can only describe as harrowing. We have been cut off from our families, our friends, the outside world; kidnapped and thrown into a situation beyond our control with an adversary we cannot even properly identify -- and what’s more, we have already lost some of our own in just this short time. I believe we are all well aware of just how dire this situation is. Therefore, I will not waste any more of your time attempting to convince you of this; nor will I waste effort coating my words with platitudes and telling you such things as ‘everything is all right’ and ‘we’ll all be okay.’ I am not here to mislead you for the sake of promoting a false sense of security. Instead, I choose to approach you all as equals, with utmost respect and honesty, so that we can look at our current predicament with unclouded judgment and collaborate to come up with the best solution. [4:20 PM] Monoboar!: “Right now, we are at a pivotal point in this journey. We’ve lost some of our very own peers; people who we’ve befriended and bonded with; people who have been important to us. Unfortunately, I personally never had the chance to meet Mr. Oshiro or Ms. Bishop before their deaths -- something I do highly regret -- but it has been impossible for me to overlook the impact that the loss of them has had on all of you. It is, no matter how you frame it, a true tragedy. And with all tragedies, there is a period of mourning afterwards, a period where the loss seems almost too much to bear. But eventually, with time, the situation shifts and you must decide how you are going to move forward. How you are going to take the lessons you’ve learned and make the most of your future, for the sake of everyone affected. How you are going to make sure something like this never happens again. So yes, where we are right now, and what we choose to do at this very moment, is absolutely vital. [4:21 PM] Monoboar!: “Which, naturally, brings us to this question of leadership. One of the many reasons I have decided to campaign is that I believe the idea is an incredibly valuable one, and I do commend those who originally came up with the idea.” He nods in Maggie’s direction. “In strenuous times like these, things could swing in either direction -- the direction of order, productivity, and growth, or the direction of chaos, irrationality, and regression. One will help us move forward, and the other? The other could very well cost all of us our lives. The right leader will have the power to direct our course. And, I believe that I am that leader.

“My leadership experience speaks for itself. I’ve captained my school’s debate team since my freshman year, and led us to victory in multiple nationwide competitions. I have always shown myself to be highly dedicated and passionate -- after all, I have been at the top of my class for my entire academic career. Believe me, no one is more committed to ensuring that those with bright futures will go on to succeed in life.” His eyes sweep over the crowd. [4:21 PM] Monoboar!: “At my booth are flyers, free-to-take, containing a more detailed description of my plan for action. To briefly summarize, it involves assembling a dedicated team of investigators to explore the area and note down important details, clues, and potential escape routes. I would also be implementing a rotation-based, multi-person night watch to prevent suspicious activity during that time period, and would also encourage an open channel of communication between myself and all of you. I would be establishing an office for myself in the library, where I would reside during the day when not investigating and where anyone would be able to visit at any time to report suspicions, findings, or undesirable activity by their peers.

“I will reiterate that we are Ultimate students. We are the best of the best. Our loss is the world’s loss. I promise to do everything in my power to ensure that the worst does not come to pass.” He pauses to let that sink in. “Thank you for your time.” [4:22 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel's head is in her hands as she waited for Wallace to end. [4:22 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel claps enthusiastically. That's his friend! [4:22 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: clap. [4:22 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps. Well, Wallace is good at speeches. [4:22 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "A lengthy one! A man of... words!"

Maggie gives a clap.

[4:22 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looks at her nails. [4:23 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma mentally checked out after the first five sentences. [4:23 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Wallace Callaghan, everybody!" [4:23 PM] Monoboar!: Wallace returns to his table. [4:23 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: The poet will at least give credit for his determination. She sighs and looks up. Claps twice. [4:24 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "And to the next one..."

She gives a look to Wilma, silently asking if she's ready.

@Wilma Ortega (Auz) [4:24 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looks a little more excited. [4:25 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma gives Maggie a grin.

"Sure, Magpie, I 'spose I'm ready as I'll ever be." [4:25 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Wilma Ortega!" She gestures her to the center. [4:25 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps. [4:25 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps. [4:26 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie claps! [4:26 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana claps! [4:26 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel claps enthusiastically. [4:26 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma makes her way up to the center, hat pulled down so the brim is shading her eyes. She doesn't seem shy, not really, just...humbled.

“Howdy, folks.” She starts quietly. She raises her voice a bit. “I ain't got much to say that hasn't been said.”

“I ain't much for wide-eyed idealism or debbie downers. I know we can get outta this place, but we gotta get our own horses in order ‘fore we can do that. And I might not know y’all, but I been a sheriff fer several years now, and I know a thing er two ‘bout justice ‘n about order.”

She flicks up the brim of her hat, revealing the fire burning in her pink eyes.

“The world ain't gonna end yet, and none of you are, either. Whether y’all elect me or not, I’m gonna be makin’ sure of that.”

She pauses and shrugs.

“That's all I got fer ya, though I sure hope ya listen. Thanks.”

She goes and stands back by her table. Short and simple. [4:27 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel nods, clapping happily. "That was very eloquent...!" [4:28 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "To!" Clap. "The!" Clap. "Point!" Clap.

"Wilma Ortega, everybody!" [4:28 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps and nods. [4:28 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Wilma-chaaan!" [4:29 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps. Keiko appreciates that she didn't need many words to convey her point. [4:29 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma pulls her hat down further and looks a little flustered from the attention, especially from the girls sitting at her table. [4:29 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Now last, and certainly not least..."

She gives a look to Renzo, silently asking them if they're ready.

@Renzo Fujita (Keon) [4:46 PM] Renzo Fujita 🔥 God Bless America: Oh boy! It’s their turn! Renzo stands and travels to the center, smiling down at everyone- not that they’d be able to see it. They clasped their hands together and took a breath.

“Hiiiiiiii.” It is at this point that the fact that they did not prepare a speech actually dawns on them, but that’s no problem! They were always good at improv. This wasn’t exactly improv, but it was close enough. “Let us start by saying that this- all of this- is no coincidence. We were chosen to play this game for a reason, and though we may not know it yet... we all will know soon.” They put a hand to their chest. “We are sure of it, we feel it in our blood.”

“...It is obvious that none of us plan to play this game the whole way through, and run around like mice. But that is all part of the world’s plan for us! And we are determined to make sure you all survive to see what your future holds.” They shift a little, eyes darting from person to person. “They, see a bright future for each and every one of you. And each and every one of you deserves what will one day come to you.” That was accidentally ominous. “So we will do everything in our combined power to protect you from the evil forces that first brought all of us together. It is our destiny to do so.”

“We will escape. We know this. Together we are meant to change and grow, and discover our true power- like friends do! Because we are all friends. And it would be such a shame if anything bad happened to any more of you, so please, allow us to protect and lead you.” They tilt from one side to the other, before bowing not-so-gracefully. “We love you all ssso much! Thank you.” [4:48 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie cheers, kinda, and gives a round of applause! [4:49 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel is a little unnerved but claps anyways. [4:50 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps a little. [4:50 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps slowly. Ok...that was weird. But a speech nonetheless. [4:50 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel just shifts uncomfortably. Ok? [4:50 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "And that was Renzo Fujita!" [4:51 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana blinks. She still doesn't trust that weird looking cosplayer. [4:52 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma claps, but she looks...suspicious of Renzo, now. F. [4:52 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: She grabs the ballot box, holding it out to the crowd. "Now! Pick your vote (if you haven't already) and deposit it in here-" [4:53 PM] Monoboar!: The lights dim suddenly for a moment. [4:53 PM] Monoboar!: ... [4:53 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...?" [4:53 PM] Renzo Fujita 🔥 God Bless America: “...!”

[4:53 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel hugged his stuffed animal tighter. [4:54 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: "Huh?" [4:54 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: "What the fuck?" [4:54 PM] Monoboar!: "Whadda hell-" Monoboar quietly blurts out. [4:54 PM] Monoboar!: ... [4:54 PM] Monoboar!: The lights brighten back up to normal. [4:54 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...that was odd?" [4:55 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "..." [4:55 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Looks like Monoboar hasn't been paying his bills!" [4:55 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel pouts towards the boar. [4:55 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Ess Em Atch." [4:55 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Well, hm... I'm gonna..." Hazel gets up to vote. [4:55 PM] Monoboar!: "..."

Monoboar waddles out of the foyer. [4:56 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma has her hand on her pistol. [4:56 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Hmmmm. That is not good at all. Not at all. [4:56 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looks at Wilma, and then at Hazel. [4:56 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Let's hope that's fine..." She murmurs under her breath. "I think we can... vote...?" [4:56 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: "I don't fuckin' trust this shit." [4:59 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma slowly relaxes and goes to vote, tipping her hat at the other students as she does so.

"Y'all spoke mighty fine."

She returns to her table once she's done. [5:00 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "A-ah...thank you, Ortega-san. So did you. I appreciate being able to be brief when expressing yourself." she says as she heads towards the box, putting her vote in. Nice. [5:01 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel hesitantly moved to vote, still clutching the weird yellow blob to his chest. He's nervous. [5:01 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana goes to vote, too. [5:01 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis shuffles up and slams in her vote [5:02 PM] Renzo Fujita 🔥 God Bless America: Renzo goes to vote! [5:02 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy votes.

And shoots out a dove as he does. [5:04 PM] Wawwace Cawwaghan || Election: Wallace votes. [5:16 PM] Kubo Tachibana | Vampire: Kubo IS here!! He votes! [5:16 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel waves at Kubo! Sup. [5:17 PM] Kubo Tachibana | Vampire: Kubo waves back! [5:18 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie gets all the votes, and tallies it up. [5:19 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: She gives a hearty single CLAP out of nowhere. [5:21 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Ladies, gentlemen, and variations thereof..." [5:21 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "I thank you all for attending this lovely election!" [5:21 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Now, say hello to your new leader..."

"Wilma Ortega!" [5:21 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Jazz hands to Wilma. [5:22 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel jumps up, slamming her feet on the ground in the process.

"FUCK YEAH!" [5:22 PM] Kubo Tachibana | Vampire: Kubo claps! Yay!!! [5:22 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "WILMA-CHAAAAAAAAANNNNN!" Hana screams. [5:22 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "WOO WOO! CHEERS!" Hazel claps. [5:22 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana jumps. [5:22 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel claps out of politeness. He has no idea who that is [5:23 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: Maggie is gesturing to her right now. [5:23 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps. [5:23 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps with a smile, though she's kinda disappointed she didn't win.

[5:24 PM] Renzo Fujita 🔥 God Bless America: Renzo gives Wilma jazz hands. Jazz hands to Wilma. They then scratch at their mask a little. [5:29 PM] Wawwace Cawwaghan || Election: Wallace’s expression is tight and unsmiling in a perfect :| face as he claps politely. [5:29 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel resists the urge to sneer. She's polite and kind she won't succumb. [5:29 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Pyrotechnics: Artemis claps slowly. [5:42 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: WIlma looks a bit, um...Out of her element. She genuinely didn't expect to win. She's not nearly as well spoken as literally anyone here.

"Well, I'll be." She mutters softly, taking off her hat and holding it to her chest. "I mighty appreciate y'all's faith, and I'll try my best to be deservin' of it."

Wow, um. Even her mun didn't expect this and is unsure what to do. [5:43 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel is smiling at her proudly. "I trust you to take care of us, Lady Wilma!" [5:44 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Got trust in ya! Just implement whatever ya need to do as a leader whenever!" She has both of her fists up. [5:45 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "Well...the people have spoken. Our classmates think you're trustworthy, so I will be putting my trust in you as well, Ortega-san." [5:56 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: "Thank ya kindly, Taisei." Wilma takes a deep breath, places the hat back on her head, and straightens up.

"Well, I'm guessin' that's my cue." She looks to Maggie. "I ain't sure if there's any protocol for after an 'lection, or whatever...Think people usually have parties, but I ain't much good at plannin'."

"Might 'swell get straight to work, though." Wilma nods, mostly to herself, and addresses the room. "First of all, I'd like everyone to know y'all got power here. Y'all 'lected me, which I mighty appreciate, but authority ain't nothing without the people. 'Specially y'all that was running with me," She nods to Keiko and Willy. She pointedly doesn't look at Wallace or Renzo. "No man's an is-land, as they say. If we're gonna create some semblance o' order we gotta do it together." [5:58 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "I read you interview...and I must admit I thought your proposals were very interesting. Maybe we could all merge our proposals now that the election is over?" she suggests. [5:59 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "And that concludes this election!" Maggie dutifully announces.

"Feel free to hang around and talk or return back to your dorms. I'm gonna message the group chat now!" [5:59 PM] Monoboar!: Monoboar returns, but not to party. [5:59 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: "Hey, wait a minute." [5:59 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Fuck OFF MONOBOAR. [5:59 PM] Wawwace Cawwaghan || Election: Wallace glances over at Keiko, now officially listening in on the conversation. :ear: [5:59 PM] Monoboar!: Monoboar walks away. [5:59 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Oh. [6:00 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma thought so hard at Monoboar that he left. Gay rights! [6:02 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: "Wait just a minute, Miss Magpie." Wilma says. "I think we all owe you some sorta rec'nition." Please stop skipping the middle syllable of words, Wilma.

"You set all this up and did all these interviews, all by yerself. You deserve some applause, too." [6:02 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: !

Maggie is flattered!

[6:03 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: Keiko claps. "You're right...none of this would've been possible if Maggie-san hadn't organized it." [6:03 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: Willy claps real loud and lets out doves as he does. "YEAH!!!" [6:03 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma Been Clapping. [6:03 PM] Wawwace Cawwaghan || Election: Wallace gives a round of applause that’s actually somewhat legitimately polite this time. [6:04 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Aha! Thou art right, Lady Maggie deserves a round of applause! WOO!" She claps excitedly. [6:04 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: She feels her face heat up, glowing red. "Guuuuys! It wasn't that much..."

[6:05 PM] Keiko Taisei | :O: "Nonsense. You went above and beyond to make all of this happen, Maggie-san. Applause is the least we can do." [6:05 PM] Willy | Guess I'll Lose: "Pffft! As if! Weren't you coming over to my table worrying your head off about making it go smoothly?" [6:05 PM] Cerviel Winter | Nest: Cerviel is the physical embodiment of :>. [6:06 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "...A bit!" She replies back to Willy. [6:06 PM] MAGGIE! 🖊 POLITICS!: "Thank you all though... For attending!" [6:07 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Fufufu... it was no problem, Lady Maggie~ thank you for hosting such an exciting event." [6:08 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: Wilma nods, pleased. Monoboar can come back now if he wants but also I hate him. [6:08 PM] Wilma Ortega || GET DOWN MS PRE: "If any of y'all -prospective leaders er not- wanna come 'n talk with me, feel free to anytime. I got some ideas of my own 'n once I work out how to implement 'em, I'll send 'em out." [6:09 PM] Monoboar!: Monoboar waddles back, just staying for the after party to set things away.

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E07 Poll Results (Anime Only Version)

The poll closed with 118 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated! 

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 110 Responses

Another episode with an overwhelming amount of positive feedback and high ratings!

20 minutes of everything that makes the series great

Best episode of the season by far. Rod is a poor guy. Historia did Destroya.

Best so far!! This season is truly getting better with every episode. Idk how I'm going to survive to the end of it tbh, I'm already dead!!!!

WE FINALLY GOT TO HEAR THE TWO NEW VOCAL TRACKS. YOUR REACTIONS?

Out of the new tracks, Kenny’s remix had its fans, but Historia’s headstrong theme got the most love!  Anyone excited for the OST’s release?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WERE YOUR FAVORITE SCENES? 107 Responses

The rematch between Levi and Kenny was most compelling, closely followed by Historia remembering Ymir’s and stand-up against her father.  Viewers also seemed to enjoy Mikasa slicing some MPs and Eren’s emotional breakdown.

Eren's emotional monologue broke me. I teared up even on the second watch. Maybe I'm just too invested in this show lol.

Mikasa's pose when she kicked a bitch in the face

HOW EMOTIONAL DID SPRINGLESTEIN’S FIRST KILLS MAKE YOU? 105 Responses

For the most part, viewers more or less had some feelings toward Springlestein’s first human kills. They grow up so fast!

jean best boi

TRAUTE HAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT HER LOYALTY AND KENNY’S DREAM. WHAT’RE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT HER AS A CHARACTER? 108 Responses

Almost half of you believe Kenny’s right-hand woman to be bright and rational, while there is nearly an even split between not having much of an opinion and thinking she’s being manipulated by Kenny. Two of you compared her to Annie: “bootleg Annie”/ “grumpier Annie”

She just has a different ideology than Erwin and co. and is prepared to fight to death for it.

Honestly there was just so much going on I didn't really think about her

I am open to more of her.

I’m loving her just as much as Kenny, she’s a fun villain.

HOW HEARTBREAKING WAS EREN’S BREAKDOWN? 108 Resposnes

There were a variety of responses for this one, though overall people found Eren’s breakdown to be a bit of a tearjerker.

It's traumatizing right now, but he will get through this.

Now's not the time Eren. You can do this at any other time just not right now.

HOW BADASS WAS HISTORIA YEETING HER DAD? 108 Responses

A vast majority of viewers are applauding Historia throwing her father on the ground and calling him on his bullshit!

Damn that girl always gets the best music whenever she does something awesome

Good for her:) She took a stand on her own.

I liked the reminder that she is actually a fuckin' soldier, when she tossed her pops and threw his spine out.

FAVORITE KENNY-ISM SO FAR: 108 Responses

Kenny has quite a few quotable moments, but people find his introduction line to be most favorable.

HOW’RE YOU FEELING ABOUT EREN RIGHT NOW? 107 Responses

72% of the voters sympathize with Eren’s despair and want people to cut him some slack, while a fair amount believe this is not the time or place for him to fall apart.

It's nice to see him actually consider the consequences of his actions for the first time basically ever.

Always been a cry baby and spoiled brat

I mean... they've all been through a lot.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FOR EREN’S EMOTIONAL STABILITY AFTER HIS HEAVIEST BREAKDOWN YET? 104 Responses

Despite his breakdown, a majority of voters believe this is just another bump in the road for Eren.  There are some that think this is just the beginning of his stability worsening.

It'll take some time but with the help of his friends they'll level him out. Needs a good talking to from Mikasa

He’ll pick himself, but it will take a while.

I'm expecting a change in his demeanor. I've been reading that he sheds his hot-headed persona, so I'm looking forward to that.

He's gonna be a cooler, wiser and more mature character.

WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION TO HISTORIA TOSSING THE SERUM? 106 Responses

Again, the support for Historia’s actions and words is overwhelming!

DID YOU EXPECT KENNY’S (NOW-ABANDONED) PLAN WAS TO HARNESS THE POWER OF THE TITANS? 106 Responses

While a decent amount of viewers suspected Kenny wanted to ultimately take the Reiss’s titan power for himself, a majority did not expect his confession.

HANGE: DOWN OR OUT? 106 Responses

Despite being grappled and thrown against a pilar, 79.2% are confident Hange will pull themself together!

My theory: Hange will be in a coma from her injuries, but wakes up upon Moblit coming back to give her a kiss :)

They foreshadowed Hange going down masterfully

HOW MUCH DO YOU TRUST ROD’S EXPLANATIONS? 106 Responses

Rod did a lot of infodumping about Grisha’s sins and his family’s secrets the past couple episodes.  What’s the truth and what’s a lie?  Most believe there is some truth to what he is saying along with a few lies purposely placed.

He is telling the truth. At the same time he's a selfish, manipulative villain hellbent on using Historia.

I trust Rod about as much as I trust the old tub of sour cream in the back of my fridge dated "12/04/2011".

The very first thing he did in the episode was manipulating Historia's emotions with her dead sister. Fuck that guy.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

And the oscar for best performance goes to... YUKI KAJI!

First legitimately great episode of Season 3. Not hindered by the breakneck pacing and/or infodumps.

I hate Rod. I feel bad for Eren. I'm excited by Kenny. Historia is doing better for herself.

I don't think anyone is getting eaten so either Rod's dumb titan form will be a threat some other way or we will finally know how people can can turn into shifters without eating another shifter.

Was It Armin who figured out Kenny's troupe maneuver gear weaknesses? Because the anime kinda implies that... And this is awesome.. he os brilliant

Fights are awesome

This was the weakest episode so far. On paper, it should be one hell of an episode, but regrettably the the way it was executed left a lot to be desired. In particular, I found Historia's and Eren's scenes to be quite disappointing. The storyboards and direction for those scenes were the most insipid and uninspired so far in the anime's entire run. The VAs did all they could, but the directors let them down. The scenes paled in comparison to Reiner+Berthold's reveal and Eren's breakdown from S2. Lastly, the art was pretty awful at various instances throughout the episode. From what I read about the production on Twitter, it seems WIT has already started to experience difficulties managing the production for this season, which probably means the art will keep on getting worse. I'm now deliberating on whether to go ahead and read the manga and watch the anime once the Blu-rays are out.

Shits getting good now.

The smokescreen was fucking awesome. And I had a laugh with a friend after we repeatedly said we would never go on an assault if it meant attacking through a narrow door.

Moar Squad Levi plz now and for forever

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 102 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who took the poll. See you back on Tuesday!

[kristengull]

Yesterday, January 3, 2021, I woke up to the usual 2016-2020 greeting: “Did you hear what he did?”

New year, same shit. Cue my disappointed lack of surprise. “Ugh, what now?” I thought we were done with this shit, but malignant narcissists don’t let you be done with their shit.

You know who we are talking about. If you’re sane. No, not my diabetic cat who occasionally throws up, not even the crazy uncle, or the drunk cousin.

It’s the President. The fuckin’ most powerful person in the world. We talk about him like a tornado in the body of a mid-tantrum toddler, but he is merely a sociopathic senior citizen with executive order and nuclear codes.

And yeah, he lost BY A LOT but TED CRUZ is kissing his ass by lighting democracy aflame in attempt to woo Trump supporters to his next eventual attempt at a presidential bid. Fuck these Republicans who only care about themselves and not the millions of voters they’re supposed to represent.

It was like the election didn’t even happen and I know that’s what they want, but we Americans must REFUSE this national nightmare they want to thrust upon us AGAIN!!

I’m so tired. But I know they’re counting on that. However exhausted I am, I have energy to be petty. I will be Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers until my dying fucking day: because petty bitches never forget and we always get shit done.

So yesterday, Jan. 3, 2021, when I was combing the juicy blood-filled parasites out of yet another litter of freshly bathed kittens, I crushed a flea’s exoskeleton til it made a loud POP! “THAT is Trump!” I proclaimed. A dead parasite at the bottom of a watery, soapy grave. “And that’s Guiliani, and that’s Stephen Miller...”

[eurovisionsongaday]

Welcome to 2008! Serbia won with their debut, so we’re in Belgrade! The contest is still wildly popular and so we have two more debutants: San Marino and Azerbaijan, the latter of which had only recently gotten EBU membership. Unfortunately, we also has a drop-out: Austria. The Austrian broadcaster made their complaint pretty explicit: bloc voting meant that western countries (like Austria) had no chance of winning.

And while I don’t think Serbia won because of bloc voting (they got points from 35/40 countries, and most of those five sit-outs were also “eastern”) there is something to the Austrian complaint. The most geographically western country in the 2007 top ten was Greece. The 2007 semi-final (that Austria had to take part in) only sent “eastern” countries to the final. Were the songs from Eastern Europe and beyond better? Maybe. That’s really a question for the artists, not some rando with a blog.

This period of Eurovision is fuckin’ notorious for everyone in the west whining about political voting, so let’s talk about it real quick, in numbered list format.

1) Did/does political voting exist? Yes. There were absolutely voters who chose to vote/not vote for reasons beyond the song. This is a valid reason to vote, I don’t wanna hear “it should only be about the music, no politics” when this contest has political consequences.

2) Did/does voting only for political reasons sway the results? No way of knowing. There’s no way to prove or disprove this, the stats for why people vote for country X don’t exist, only that they voted for country X.

3) Are there other reasons a song could be really popular regionally? Hell yeah. Everyone loves a good Balkan Ballad, but do you know who really loves them? The Balkans. The majority of Molitva’s 12 points came from countries in the Balkan region, for example. And that’s when Serbia was really controversial in the region. Countries that have, for historical reasons, been isolated from other countries’ pop culture probably aren’t gonna like it as much as the neighbours that are already familiar with it and buy all the same CDs.

4) So why did western countries not form an equally powerful voting bloc? Well, uh. Because western Europe didn’t really care. I mean, plenty of people still wanted their country to do well, but there was also a general sense that the contest was silly or campy, and it didn’t really reflect popular music. Look at the United Kingdom. Basically every time they made an effort to send something modern or impressive they did pretty okay: Jade Ewen (2009) and Blue (2011) both placed comfortably on the left side of the scoreboard. People were upset that Lucie Jones only got 15th. But Scooch? Daz Sampson? Electrovelvet, Bonnie Tyler, and Engelbert Humperdinck (and I love all three, for the record)? The UK wasn’t putting its best foot forward, and it looks similar in a lot of western Europe.

5) So what made 2007 in particular so egregious? The one semi-final. I’m dead serious — if there had been two semis in 2007 I think the qualification problem would have been a minor blip instead of a major issue. WIth only ten slots open for qualifiers and the largest semi ever (larger than the final!!) there were way too many countries who were gonna be disappointed.

I could talk about this forever (there are really very few countries whose lack of success is truly unfair) so if you wanna pick my brain send an ask, but otherwise lets continue with how the EBU tried to fix this issue.

The biggest and most obvious change was to the qualification system. Now the only countries guaranteed a slot in the final were the Big Four and the host. The final was expanded to 25 participants, leaving twenty slots to be filled through two semi-finals. The EBU established the semi-final drawing system that we still use today, using “pots” of countries with both geography and voting records under consideration. While this system did guarantee everyone would get two or three neighbours/voting partners (depending on the size of the pot) in their semi-final, it also meant that there would never be a semi-final with all the Balkans or Nordics voting for each other, meaning you would have to appeal outside your neighbourhood to qualify. Each country was obligated the broadcast the semi-final they were voting in and could optionally broadcast the other. It goes without saying that the fandom was immediately grumpy about this.

(Minor note: the semi-final draw also introduced the Keychain (which is just my nickname for it, not official), a tradition where the mayor of the previous host city hands off the “Eurovision keys” to the next host city, with a key to from own city attached. This is still done and the Keychain is the funniest thing ever.)

Voting was still televote only (mostly), with each country having a back-up jury in case of emergency, but the system was still modified slightly. In each semi-final both the televoters and jury would separately rank all the song, and the top nine of the televote would be sent to the final. Then, the highest jury-ranked song that was still left would get to go to the final as a sort of wildcard. So the song that got tenth in points in a semi-final only might have qualified.

Those were the big changes. The contest was slowly but surely morphing into its current form, with HD broadcasts and live streams on the internet now a fixture. Also the songs are a lot more modern!

[viralhottopics]

Stephen King on Donald Trump: How do such men rise? First as a joke

Hes written novels with eerily similar plotlines but how did Trump become president? The only way to find out: inject a panel of fictional voters with truth serum…

I started thinking Donald Trump might win the presidency in September of 2016. By the end of October, I was almost sure. Thus, when the election night upset happened, I was dismayed, but not particularly surprised. I didnt even think it was much of an upset, in spite of the Huffington Post aggregate poll, which gave Hillary Clinton a 98% chance of winning an example of wishful thinking if ever there were one.

Some of my belief arose from the signage I was seeing. Im from northern New England, and in the run-up to the election I saw hundreds of Trump-Pence signs and bumper stickers, but almost none for Clinton-Kaine. To me this didnt mean there were no Clinton supporters in the houses I passed or the cars ahead of me on Route 302; what it did seem to mean was that the Clinton supporters werent particularly invested. This was not the case with the Trump people, who tended to have billboard-sized signage in their yards and sometimes two stickers on their cars (TRUMP-PENCE on the left; HILLARY IS A CRIMINAL on the right).

Brexit also troubled me. Most of the commentators brushed its importance aside, saying that the issue of whether or not Britain should leave the EU was very different from that of who should become the American president, and besides, British and American voters were very different animals. I agreed with neither assessment, because there was a vibe in the air during most of 2016, a feeling that people were both frightened of the status quo and sick of it. Voters saw a vast and overloaded apple cart lumbering past them. They wanted to upset the motherfucker, and would worry about picking up those spilled apples later. Or just leave them to rot.

Clinton voters were convinced shed win, even if they saw her as a ho-hum candidate at best. Many did not even bother going to the polls, which was a large (and largely unstated) factor in her loss. Trump voters, on the other hand, could not wait to pull those levers. They didnt just want change; they wanted a man on horseback. Trump filled the bill.

I had written about such men before. In The Dead Zone, Greg Stillson is a door-to-door Bible salesman with a gift of gab, a ready wit and the common touch. He is laughed at when he runs for mayor in his small New England town, but he wins. He is laughed at when he runs for the House of Representatives (part of his platform is a promise to rocket Americas trash into outer space), but he wins again. When Johnny Smith, the novels precognitive hero, shakes his hand, he realizes that some day Stillson is going to laugh and joke his way into the White House, where he will start world war three.

Big Jim Rennie in Under The Dome is cut from the same cloth. Hes a car salesman (selling being a key requirement for the successful politician), who is the head selectman in the small town of Chesters Mill, when a dome comes down and cuts the community off from the world. Hes a crook, a cozener and a sociopath, the worst possible choice in a time of crisis, but hes got a folksy, straight-from-the-shoulder delivery that people relate to. The fact that hes incompetent at best and downright malevolent at worst doesnt matter.

Both these stories were written years ago, but Stillson and Rennie bear enough of a resemblance to the current resident of the White House for me to flatter myself I have a country-fair understanding of how such men rise: first as a joke, then as a viable alternative to the status quo, and finally as elected officials who are headstrong, self-centered and inexperienced. Such men do not succeed to high office often, but when they do, the times are always troubled, the candidates in question charismatic, their proposed solutions to complex problems simple, straightforward and impractical. The baggage that should weigh these hucksters down becomes magically light, lifting them over the competition like Carl Fredricksen in the Pixar film Up. Trumps negatives didnt drag him down; on the contrary, they helped get him elected.

I decided to convene six Trump voters to discover how and why all this happened. Because I selected them from the scores of make-believe people always bouncing around in my head (sometimes their chatter is enough to drive me bugshit), I felt perfectly OK feeding them powerful truth serum before officially convening the round table. And because they are fictional my creatures they all agreed to this. They gulped the serum down in Snapple iced tea, and half an hour later we began. My panelists were:

Gary Barker, a construction worker from how fitting Gary, Indiana. Gary from Gary is 41, married with two kids, currently unemployed. Graduated high school, never went to college.

William Russell, from Delray Beach, Florida. William spent his working life as a banker in Albany, New York, and is now retired and living in a gated community. Hes 67, a good amateur golfer, physically fit and mentally sharp. Has been married for more than 40 years, with three grown children and six grandchildren. Holds a bachelors degree from New York University and a graduate degree (in accounting) from the University of Illinois, Chicago.

Felicia Gagnon, from Castle Rock, Maine. Felicia is 25 and the sole employee of the Castle Rock Washateria, where she washes, dries, folds and sometimes delivers. She also serves as the janitor. She is unmarried, no children. Graduated high school, never went to college.

David Allen is a roadie-for-hire in Nashville, almost always employed. Last year he toured with both Little Big Town and Trisha Yearwood. He is 29, divorced, with one child. He makes his support payments regularly. Graduated high school, has two years of college (no degree).

Andrea Sparks is a successful restaurant owner in Flint City, Oklahoma. She is 42, twice divorced, with three children. She has a degree in business administration from the University of Oklahoma. Next year she will be president of the Flint City Chamber of Commerce.

Helen Wiggins is a single mother who lives in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, and works as a nail technician (she prefers this to manicurist). She is 28 years old. Graduated high school, no college.

Although they come from varying walks of life and have attained varying degrees of education, none of these participants was stupid, venal or evil. The reader would do well to remember that they were loaded with potent truth serum, which forced them to say what they actually believe, rather than what they thought might be most palatable to their interlocutor. If you, gentle reader, should be inclined to view any of them with contempt or feel outraged about their comments, youd do well first to look inward and ask what you might say if compelled to give the truth of your feelings, the whole truth, the absolute truth, and nothing but the truth. And, with that caveat, the discussion.

Stephen King Thank you all for coming, and agreeing to participate.

Helen Wiggins You could use a manicure. Your nails are too long. But at least it doesnt look as if you chew them.

William Russell I started one of your books but didnt finish it. Ill never try another one. Youre an awful writer.

King Many critics would agree, but todays subject is politics rather than fiction. To begin, Id like to go around the table and ask each of you when you decided you were going to vote for Donald Trump.

Gary Barker After a couple of debates I knew who I was going for. He [Trump] had nicknames for the other guys that really put them in their places. Lyin Ted, for instance. I hated that guy. He always looked like he wanted to yell, Come to Jesus! And Little Marco. That was my favorite. He [Trump] nailed that sucker. He [Rubio] looked like he was about 13 fuckin years old.

Wiggins Dont forget Crooked Hillary. That was the cutest nickname.

David Allen Right. When they all started yelling, Lock her up! at the convention. I knew then it was going to be a whole new ballgame, and I decided to vote for Trump. But I didnt shoot my mouth off about it. Nashville is in the south, but in the music business there are plenty of bleeding hearts. Not like Hollywood, thank God, but you still have to be careful. I started off saying I hadnt made up my mind when people asked me, then I started saying, Probably Clinton. I never told anyone I was going to vote for Trump. Especially not my ex. She would have torn my balls off.

Russell Trumps a businessman who understands business. Hes going to make them sit on the minimum wage, and hell take off a lot of those stupid banking, business and pollution regulations. Its working already. Just look at the stock market.

Felicia Gagnon Most of my customers at the Washateria were for him, so I decided I was, too. It wasnt just going along with the crowd, either. He always had an answer for everything, and he took no shit. Also, he wants to keep the illegals out. My job isnt much, but it pays the rent. What if some illegal comes along and tells Mr Griffin hes the owner that shell do my job for half the salary? Would that be fair?

Andrea Sparks It wouldnt, it absolutely wouldnt. And I admired him for a comeback he made to Clinton in, I think it was their first debate. She said he paid no taxes, and Trump came right back, said: That makes me smart. I knew right then I was going to vote for him, because taxes are killers. Thats why no one from the middle class can really get ahead. They tax you to death. I am making a little bit of money, but Id be making a lot more if they didnt tax me so badly, and why do they do it? To pay welfare for the illegals Felicia was talking about. The beaners, the darkies and the camel-jockeys. I would never say that if I wasnt full of this truth serum stuff, but Im glad I did. Its a relief. I dont want to be a racist, its not how I was raised, but they make you be one. I work hard for what Ive got, from nine in the morning until midnight, sometimes until one in the morning. And what happens? The government takes the sweat from my brow and gives it to the foreigners. Who shoot it into their arms with dope the drug mules bring up from Mexico.

Barker Amen to that, sister.

Wiggins You know, I was torn at first, but when he hired that guy Pence to be his vice-president, I got on board. He [Pence] was so smart at the debate he had with that other guy. He had an answer for everything.

Gagnon Also handsome, with that nice white hair.

Wiggins Yes, he takes care of himself. Nice haircut, good teeth, beautiful skin. I thought to myself, Trump is on the fat side. If he has a heart attack and dies, Pence can take over. And the guy who ran with Clinton, I cant even remember his name, but he looked like one of those guys at the DMV who, when you finally get to the front of the line, says you filled out the paperwork wrong and sends you home.

[General laughter from the panel.]

Russell Also, theres the matter of the trademark slogans. Do you know what Im talking about?

King Tell me.

Russell Candidates have certain codified positions, which form the basis of the so-called stump speech. In that speech, which is about the same whether its made in Portland, Maine or Portland, Oregon, they make their basic talking points over and over. But they also need a simple summation of what they stand for. Thats conveyed by the trademark slogan, something simple and catchy. Trumps was MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, and it was perfect. Contains two words of great power: America and great. Clintons was STRONGER TOGETHER. Vague. Wishy-washy. Forgettable. Stronger than what? Together with whom? It says nothing. The person who thought that up was an idiot, and she was an idiot for using it. Her slogan might as well have been WERE GOING TO DO SOME STUFF.

Sparks Trump was the boss. Clinton was just bossy, and take it from me, nobody likes a bossy woman. As a business person, I have to use a certain amount of tact. She didnt have that.

Allen When she spoke, she kind of brayed.

Gagnon Because she was trying to sound like a man. That may work in New York, but not out where there are real people.

Sparks Whatever, it was like fingernails on a blackboard. If I talked to my waitstaff like that, half of them would quit.

King OK, since were on the subject of Clinton, I want to go around the table and have you give me one word or one short phrase that describes your impression of her. Gary, you havent had much to say, so lets start with you.

Barker Before we get to that, I just want to say that Ive always been attracted to young men on surfboards. This truth serum is whoo.

King Good to know, and thank you for sharing, but how about a word or simple phrase describing your impression of

Barker Bitch. I thought she was a bitch.

King OK. Felicia?

Gagnon Stuck-up. A stuck-up smartypants. She talked down to people.

King William?

Russell Felicias exactly right. Clinton projected arrogance and a sense of entitlement. Riding on Slick Willies coat-tails.

Allen I hated those pantsuits. Like she doesnt think people can figure out shes got a booty. And shes starting to look really old.

Wiggins Is she a lesbian? I heard she was a lesbian.

Sparks I dont care about that, but her bestie was one of those Muslims. You know, the one married to the guy always showing his junk on the internet. Huma Abba-Jabba, or something.

King Id like to discuss two issues that dogged Hillary Clintons campaign

Sparks Can I just say I ate a whole box of chocolate pinwheel cookies last night? Id like to say that. Then I vomited them back up, because I have to stay thin.

King Thank you, Andrea. Now, if I could turn to Clintons involvement if you choose to call it that in the Benghazi attack, where four Americans, including US ambassador J Christopher Stevens, were killed. Did that play a part in your decision not to vote for Clinton?

Allen Is Benghazi in Africa or China?

Russell Actually, its in Libya. Which the Obama administration destabilized by not helping Gaddafi in his time of need. The man was an asshole, but he was our asshole. Pardon my French, ladies.

Barker Putting the bitch factor aside, I dont think you can hold her responsible for what a bunch of ragheads do. They just want to kill Americans for Allah.

King So you dont blame her?

Barker Not for that, Jesus no. Hey, you should see my collection of surfer mags. My wife thinks its the boards Im interested in.

King Just to put a button on this, were any of you influenced by Benghazi when you stepped into the voting booth?

[No responses.]

Illustration: Leonard Beard for the Guardian

King OK, lets move along. There was also a controversy about Clinton sending and receiving emails on an unsecured server. Something like 35,000. Did that influence any of you?

Russell Speaking just for myself, not at all. Hackers can get into any computer, secured or not. Someone phished my American Express card number and got himself over $1,000 worth of equipment at Best Buy. They should bring back the whipping post for people who do that. It would put a stop to the practice in short order.

Allen Billy-boy, you nailed it. Computers these days might as well be screen doors. You see hacking all the time in the music business. And hey, get real. What was the stuff going back and forth, anyway? Recipes, gossip, Ill be here at such-and-such a time, did you see her new purse, shit like that. Give me a break.

Barker Whats this about emails? What are you talking about?

Wiggins Never mind, no biggie.

Gagnon My computer is busted. It was just a cheap one, anyway. I have to buy a new one, but cant afford it just now. Id steal one, but Im scared of getting caught.

King Andrea, what about you?

Sparks I dont care about that chicks emails. What I care about are the taco-benders down the street with their food wagon, cutting into my business. I went to the police, and they said the taco-benders had a permit. How do illegals get a permit to sell food on the street? Tell me that.

Russell Do you have proof they are illegals, Andrea?

Sparks I dont need proof. Those wetbacks are like bedbugs, theyre everywhere. And they breed. I cant wait until Trump builds that wall. The Mexicans say they wont pay for it, but they will, unless they want American tanks in Jurez and Tijuana. You wait and see. Trump takes no shit. I like a man who takes no shit. If my ex-husbands had been more like that, Id never have fired them.

Wiggins You want a scandal? Clintons on the side of the baby-killers, thats a scandal.

Barker Shes also on the side of the gun Puritans. Ive got four firearms, two handguns and two rifles, and nobodys taking those suckers. Nobody.

King Very interesting, Gary, but weve wandered away from the question. Were any of you influenced by the so-called email scandal when you stepped into the voting booth?

[No responses.]

King OK, Id like to move along to

Allen Can I say something else about Hillary?

King Of course, David.

Allen You asked us when we decided to vote for Trump. Ill tell you when I decided I was also gonna vote against her, even though I thought she was basically OK. Smart, even. I dont go along with that bitch stuff, either. I work with women on the road, and even the ones who are bitches hate that word. So I steer clear of it.

Sparks Whats your point, Mr Huffington Post Politically Correct?

Allen You ought to do something about that hair, maam, your dye jobs showing.

Sparks Fuck you.

King If we have that out of the way

Allen I was in Houston on 9/11 last year, OK? Visiting my sister and picking up some bucks working an Eric Church gig. That afternoon, before I had to go on down to the Bayou and start rolling amps, I was in this little place called Spot Mikes, kind of a lunchateria where they also serve beer. The TV was on, and they showed Hillary collapsing after she tried to give a speech, or maybe she did give it, I dont know. But she went legless and the men around her, probably Secret Service, had to help her into the car. It made me think of something my grandad used to say: woman-weak. Thats what she was, woman-weak. Now suppose that happened during a crisis, or something. No, she didnt have any business being the most powerful person in the world.

King Can I point out that George HW Bush vomited during a state dinner in Japan?

Barker I remember that, but he had food poisoning. Her, though, its like Dave said: woman-weak.

Gagnon I heard she had a bunch of strokes and they covered it up.

Russell She and Slick Willie are big-time dopers. Its a known fact. Whereas Trump doesnt even drink.

Wiggins Kind of a fat shit, though, isnt he? Likes his Whoppers.

[General affectionate laughter from the panel.]

King I want to move on to some of the negatives about Trump, and ask why they didnt influence you. Lets start with his alleged ties to Russia. Anyone care to comment?

Gagnon Speaking of influence, do you have any with TV people, Mr King? Id sure like to be on The Price Is Right. Im very good at guessing the prices of things, toasters and such, and Id like a chance at one of those showcases. They have these wonderful trips.

King Im sorry, I dont know anyone who

Russell You have to stand in line, like everyone else. Live with it.

King There have been accusations that Trumps associates have ties to Russia, and that Trump himself may have financial interests in that part of the world. Hes certainly said plenty of complimentary things about Putin. Any feelings on that? Helen? What about you?

Wiggins Whats wrong with making friends of an enemy? Burying the hatchet? Thats what the Bible says.

Allen Like that song, Whats So Funny Bout Peace, Love, And Understanding?

Sparks Totally agree. As for the oil, if theres more, the prices go down. More miles for your buck. No-brainer.

Gagnon Speaking of that, they had one of those electric cars on The Price Is Right just last week. I think it was a Prius, or maybe a

Russell Two strong men working together. I like it. Its good for business.

King Anyone else?

Wiggins Is it lunchtime yet? I dont know if its the serum or what, but I could eat a horse.

Allen I got something you can eat, hon. Not as big as a horse but almost.

King This seems an appropriate time to ask about certain sexual allegations. The famous grab em by the pussy remark, for instance. And how you can do anything if youre famous. Ladies first.

Gagnon How many women do you think have been throwing themselves at him, someone whos rich and handsome?

[General laughter at the word handsome.]

Gagnon Well, he was, anyway, and hes still rich. Nobody talks about women who go sex-fishing for men, tell you that.

Sparks Also, most women in showbusiness are whores, so whats the big deal? Look at the Academy Awards if you dont believe me. Every woman under 30 falling out of her dress. Show a man dessert, honey, hes going to want to eat.

Barker And at least hes not a fag, you know?

Wiggins Men are men, thats all. They all talk big, especially when theyre with other men.

Russell Sure. And let me point out we were electing a president, not a saint.

Allen Exactly. That sex stuff was just the press, trying to sell papers and bring him down while they were at it. Those guys were all for Hillary.

King OK, but suppose the shoe had been on the other foot, and the press had obtained a tape of Hillary talking like that?

Sparks They didnt.

Wiggins Also, its different for women. The um

Russell The perception.

Wiggins Right.

King I believe you have a daughter, Helen

Wiggins Thats right. Patricia. Patty. Shes the best thing in my life. Smart as well as pretty. Gets all As in school. You should see her book reports!

King What if it was her pussy Trump was talking about grabbing?

Wiggins Thats a filthy thing to say. Also stupid. My daughters only nine. Even the New York Times never said Trump goes for kiddies, and they lie about everything.

King Im just saying

Wiggins Well, dont. Save the dirty talk for your books.

King OK, lets move on to Trumps taxes. He wont reveal them.

Allen No law says he has to.

King What if hes hiding something?

Sparks Honey, were all hiding something. Although I will admit Id like to see what sort of fiddles hes using.

[General laughter.]

Barker Actually, I would, too. Hes got a lot of friends in big business, and they all care more about their money than anything else. Goes without saying. That stuff about how he was going to drain the swamp? I never believed it. They drain the swamp, everyone will see how many bodies theyve buried there.

Sparks Not to mention how much buried treasure.

Allen If he does a good job, fuck his tax returns.

Barker Cant argue with that.

Gagnon Besides, rich people dont have to pay like the rest of us, everyone knows that. They have lawyers and accountants to keep them on the right side of the law. They know all the loopholes. Its how the world works. Hes against Obamacare, thats the important thing. That takes more money out of poor peoples pockets than taxes. Its not like the Affordable Care Act. The Republicans did that, and its much better.

King It appeared that he made fun of a reporter with a physical disability shaking and stuttering. Any thoughts on that?

Russell Not relevant.

King It doesnt speak to character?

Russell Of course not. Dont be obtuse.

Allen It wasnt very nice, but the guy pissed him off. Sure, it was politically incorrect, but I thought it was, um

Sparks A breath of fresh air?

Allen Yes. It woke people up. None of the usual politician bullshit. Hannity isnt right about everything, but he sure was about that.

King This would be Sean Hannity, of Fox News?

Allen Correct.

King How many of you got most of your information on the candidates from Fox News?

[Allen, Russell and Sparks raise their hands.]

King What about you, Felicia?

Gagnon I watch Lester Holt. Also Good Morning America.

King Gary?

Barker I read USA Today. They have a little story about Indiana every day, and their sports coverage is terrific. The rest you have to take with a grain of salt, because the coverage was slanted toward Clinton.

Russell What wasnt slanted in the papers was made up of whole cloth. Fake news. The worst offender was the New York Slimes, and they wont let it go.

King I think weve about finished, but Id like to run one more thing by you before we break for lunch. Psychologists mention four basic traits when diagnosing a sociopathic condition known as narcissistic personality disorder. People suffering from this condition believe themselves superior to others, they insist on having the best of everything, they are egocentric and boastful, and they have a tendency to first select love objects, then find them at fault and push them aside. Comments?

[A long silence at the table.]

Russell Whats your point?

Gagnon Are you sure you cant get me on The Price Is Right?

Read more: http://bit.ly/2oP0Ro5

from Stephen King on Donald Trump: How do such men rise? First as a joke