#a lot of the generational adaptations are…. kind of useless all things considered

[skinandscales-if]

this is the sarcastic bastard reese-mancer backs again to say i love venomspitters… i think their lack of glow is really funny bc i can imagine other dragons hunting with them at night and being like. huh. where did our friend go?? only to have them pop back up with those terrifying horse eyes like,, OvO hello again.

bonus points bc my bastard would definitely use the lack of glow for pranks against more glowy dragons… also bonus points for their super bright scales like!! warnings for venom and toxicity! are venomspitters toxic to eat?

woo welcome back! you nailed it EXACTLY the vibes are so freaky and I love it- I’m glad you like this venomspitter difference too! I wanna give all subspecies you can choose from some cool nonsense so they get freaky deer eyes 💪 at least the most alarming ones out of the group

pff what a fun question too! I’m not gonna lie I’m a sucker for violence and consuming metaphors so this may show up in-game BUT I don’t think they’d be poisonous to eat, no. at least not without the proper consideration of their venom glands, which are placed in a, by now, well-known location so it’s easy to be sabotaged, same as any species. So avoid the neck and head and you’re good ^^

[vickyvicarious]

why are you people hyping up jonathan harker he was fucking useless LMAOOOOOOO

just on the background while the doctors always did actual work and had insight and schemes and godalming and morris used their $$$

meanwhile he just fell on his knees crying I DEFY YOU STARS OH MY DOOMED LOVE

Oh, anon. I know I probably should just ignore you. However, I first of all find this ask very funny, and secondly you are giving me a golden opportunity to brag about my boy, here. I'm definitely gonna take it.

Behold - an incomplete list of things Jonathan Harker has done:

survived for months alone in Dracula's castle, maintaining a delicate balance of not rocking the boat too far and getting killed, but never giving up fully/seizing every chance to try and learn more or find a way out (letters, wall-climbing, etc.)

the only person to harm Dracula (shovel scar) and live (the only others were Renfield and Quincey, both of whom died the same day). the only person to hit him more than once (shovel, cut his coat open, sliced off his head). one of the two people who killed him (sliced off his head if you missed that one)

escaped by climbing down a castle wall and fleeing on foot through mountains full of wolves, without any warm clothes

was the person to recognize Dracula in London, and to direct the group to Carfax

did literally all of the footwork required to track down Dracula's boxes. began this task on his own without being given direction, and was well underway on it before even linking up with the others. (insight!)

bribery! lots of bribery! using his own inherited money at least part of the time ($$$!)

also, lied to/tricked various sources that he was either still Dracula's attorney, or utilized Arthur's status, to get information (schemes!)

suggested to a surprised Seward that Renfield may be reacting to Dracula and is "a sort of index to the coming and going of the Count." (insight!)

was van helsing's biggest primary source confirming what his research said about vampires, as seen in big speech day when he told everyone 'vampires do this (as seen in Jonathan's diary)' like five separate times

was the first to move to attack Dracula on October 3 (at his house not the asylum), galvanizing everyone else into action

um, kinda a big thing that he never considered his love doomed? like. yeah. willing to go to hell/become a vampire himself to stay with Mina. willing to doom everyone else for his love if necessary but never to give up on that. fell on his knees (I'll grant you) immediately... to comfort Mina when she felt unclean. set aside his immediate impulse towards revenge in order to comfort her first.

but also. very much willing to act to prevent such an outcome? urged everyone else to get on the move so he could go kill Dracula for everything he'd done?

nonetheless, didn't put his personal catharsis/revenge above the goal. was willing to take a backseat for the sake of success in the initial plan and just play guard rather than insisting on being the one to stake/behead him.

...honorable mention again for beheading him anyway in the end. Jonathan literally killed Dracula, bud. (fucking useful!)

I love all the main characters, and am not interested in devaluing anyone's contributions. The doctors are very smart (among other things) and important. Arthur and Quincey are very rich (among other things) and important. Mina, who you failed to mention, is extremely clever (among other things) and important as well. Jonathan, surprise surprise... is also all of those things!

And I love him. He's been my favorite character since my first time reading this book long ago. I (don't actually) regret to inform you that Dracula Daily has only increased that love, as well as vindicated it by seeing many other people agree that he's a great character really screwed over by adaptations, and thus even if I were generally inclined to feel upset about these kinds of messages, this'd still miss the mark. Rather, I thank you for the opportunity to reflect on some of the many ways Jonathan was an integral part of this vampire-hunting team.

[myriadxofxmuses]

Tagged by: @heartxshaped-bruises

Tagging: @savagecuhnt, @lunarruled (Ky), @uncxntrxllable (Bailey & Lakota), @littlewrensx (Wren), @thanaredreamtof (Felicity & Sam), @interxstitial, @wynterlanding, @blindspct (Miley), @fangsandmagic, @waveofstars (Chey)

Ethan

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

That he's all bad. Ethan can be surprisingly caring at times, but it is only with select people. He is also quite malleable when it comes to others who are generally good. It sort of rubs off on him and he tries to emulate their behavior. He is if nothing else adaptable, but on a small level he wants to be that way.

AN IMPORTANT HEADCANON

He has a lot of food allergies. His mother's pregnancy with him was hard and he was born with the immunity fragility. Sadly he had to find out the hard way with each new allergy, given that his parents rarely cared for him properly - nannies also opting for short stints of employment for his care.

A USELESS HEADCANON

One of his favorite forms of entertainment is documentaries. Ethan will watch any and all kinds. Some of his favorite genres deal with nature or religion. He knows all kinds of trivia because of it.

POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

Abuse, drinking, suicide attempts, NSFW- like murder, minimal stalking, gore, knives, death, violence, drug use, torture, ruffies, etc.

SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ABOUT (WRITING) THEM

Actually, and this probably makes me a total psychopath, but his coldness. The way his character just shuts it off. Just like that. He has no attachment and is one hundred percent free of emotional repercussions. I could never do that. I get attached to easily and quickly, but it can be fun to explore what it is really like when you truly don't care what others think.

SOMETHING YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW BEFORE WRITING WITH THEM

While Ethan can be very loving at times, that is not his go to. It takes some time and effort to get past his douchey, asshole, narcissistic, sociopathic ways to get to what little good in him he has. He does not open up to everyone and can be very difficult to interact with at times.

Oscar

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

That he has it all figured out and is put together. He does not deal very well with, as he calls it, his broken mind. He has quite a few breakdowns, all usually private and behind closed doors, but it leads him to drink. Oscar isn't big on meds, so he's very apprehensive when speaking to anyone about it - seeing it as a sign of weakness that he can't figure it out alone. Alcohol however is the one thing that not only helps him forget, but has also been an allowed vice throughout his career choices. Definitely not a great coping mechanism, but it's his nonetheless.

AN IMPORTANT HEADCANON

Family is essential for him. And his loyalty to Emily is unwavering. As is hers. They are extremely close siblings and come as a package. But that's not to say they come as a pleasant package. It is entirely possible for significant others or outside friends not to like the other. While blood is important they fully understand family is chosen and even the tightest family has internal turmoil at times. Loyal as they may be to each other, they will also fight to keep those who matter most to them.

A USELESS HEADCANON

Oscar can wiggle his ears. Not something he shows off, but he found out when he was a kid. After watching Little Rascals with his mom, he tried to copy Alfalfa and wiggled his ears.

He also sings in the shower.

POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

PTSD, drinking, NSFW- like crime, guns/knives, death, violence, war, black market weapon sales

SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ABOUT (WRITING) THEM

His strength. Both emotionally and physically. He is surprisingly just and fair when you consider his upbringing. While he isn't without flaws, he has very solid moral compass.

SOMETHING YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW BEFORE WRITING WITH THEM

He can be overprotective and his trust is hard to get. Oscar likes to know everything about a person and is not above using his job to perform background checks. Even though he is morally good, he is willing to bend the rules when he needs to continue on that path.

Ivy

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

That she has no attachment to things. She is very good at hiding her true emotions under a mask of nonchalantness. When in reality she can't help but become emotionally invested in both people and life in general. It causes for a lot of lonely nights working through disappointment and sadness.

AN IMPORTANT HEADCANON

When her father got sick and died from his work, she went after the company responsible. It was a total failure in the end and nothing came of it, the corruption too high for her to fend off. But it was what led her into hacking for real. She'd always been tech savvy, but this was what really helped hone her skills.

A USELESS HEADCANON

While she has a cat, Ivy is really a dog person. She just can't have them in her apartments. She also watches true crime/interrogation videos for white noise while she works.

POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

Crime - hacking, internet stalking, law breaking in general, minimal drug use (marijuana), drinking

SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ABOUT (WRITING) THEM

The tech and stealth aspects of her life. I have always loved hacking/hackers/surfing the depths of tech and it is fun to write her in scenarios where she can actually use it.

SOMETHING YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW BEFORE WRITING WITH THEM

Even though she likes to avoid becoming attached to others, she is a very open and accepting person face to face. She will keep others at a comfortable distance while still remaining a loyal and trustworthy friend. She would be a great ally when it matters.

[doodlemancy]

i drew this roughly a year into an ordeal that started in february of 2014 that has shaped my life for the worse ever since. it looks like complete ass, because A. i wasn't as good an artist in 2015 and B. i was in a lot of fucking pain when i was drawing it.

today, i finally saw an orthopedic specialist who did NOT brush me off. i have a new diagnosis of "tendonitis of the shoulder and wrists". which is very common stuff. very easy to spot if you know what questions to ask and know what to look for; i had suspected it for years. after two years without a diagnosis, i had given up and tried to adapt on my own, and i did a pretty good job all things considered! but things got worse again in December of 2023, worse than they've been in a while, and i crashed and burned.

tendonitis is very treatable. i'm going to PT soon. there's plenty of reason to believe that even if i can't make a full recovery at this point, there's a lot of room for me to get better. but i've had 10 years of my life stolen from me. i haven't been able to work a full-time job partly because of this. i haven't been able to improve all of the skills i want to because i'm so limited in what i can do in a day. i don't have the stamina to do things i want to do, like sometimes open commissions or release a new full illustration at least once a month. i've missed out on a lot of video games; i don't get to play or finish many of them because it's too painful and i can't justify the flare-ups it tends to cause. it's been a real fucking bummer of a decade for me.

goddamn tendonitis. my entire life was upended by an extremely common type of RSI because i was not taken seriously by doctors. because, you know. a young woman? it's probably her wandering uterus, or depression or something. i have been abused and gaslit and neglected so much that i can't get a decent blood pressure reading inside a doctor's office anymore because i am so, so afraid of being abused. i was at one point told that my pain was just depression, tried an SSRI, and found out the hard way that i have a sensitivity to them that results in extreme anxiety and panic attacks. one of my useless visits in 2015 ended in, i am not kidding (but i also won't go into detail) a nurse practitioner assaulting me. i dropped out of college, got traumatized, got assaulted, got two new phobias... because i had goddamn tendonitis and nobody believed it. imagine if you went to the doctor with a bad ear infection and they went "sounds like depression", left the room, came back with a folding chair and just started whacking you with it. honestly, if it had all happened that quickly instead of a slow-drip of mistreatment it'd have saved me a lot of time.

diagnosis could have happened years ago. years ago. years ago. but my doctors didn't think anything real could be wrong with a 22 year old woman, and the trauma of how badly i was mistreated in 2014 kept me discouraged and scared. so here i am, nearly 33, still in pain, still suffering. spent last night basically having a prolonged panic attack.

there's no recourse for me. there will be no justice for any of this. i don't have the evidence or the stamina for a legal battle. i've at least reported the nurse practitioner who assaulted me, but i have no proof, so it'll probably never go anywhere unless she hurts other people (and i would prefer that didn't happen!).

but i made it. i'm still here. i adapted, i got a bit more productive through my own efforts, enough to start a SHOP! and i finally worked up the courage to try to get diagnosed and treated again.

if i could go back in time, this would be my advice to myself: -never give your full trust to a general practitioner or a nurse practitioner. they're note dispensers, mostly. they can handle simple stuff like needing some sudafed or w/e but mostly they exist to get you a note for work and a referral to someone who actually knows things. if they aren't helping you, learn what kind of specialist you need and tell them you want a referral. -ESPECIALLY never trust a general practitioner who wants to prescribe you antidepressants. they don't know what they're doing with that shit! those are life-saving drugs, but if they go wrong, there can be serious consequences and you need proper support from someone who knows more about mental health than how to give you a depression assessment survey. -show up with a page of bullet-point notes of what's going on, what you've tried, what works, what doesn't work, etc. and just hand that sucker over. make them read it. they can read faster than you can talk, and they'll get your organized thoughts rather than your nervous rambling.

-practice your self-advocacy. have conversations with an imaginary doctor in the shower. decide what you're going to say if it sounds like they're going to dismiss you.

-bring a notepad. visibly take notes during appointments. (you know the notebook scene in Hot Fuzz? that shit works on doctors.)

-if you have someone you trust who's willing to come to your appointment and be in the room, a lot of doctors suddenly become WAY MORE HELPFUL when they're no longer the only person in the room with the patient.

and to all doctors who are sexist, fatphobic, racist, ableist, otherwise bigoted, or just plain full of themselves and fucking dismissive of their patients: if there were such a thing as hell, you'd belong there. if my shoulder gets any better i might dig it myself.

I drew this a few months ago when I was hopeless and waiting to see a new doctor, sat on it when I thought it was actually gonna be ok this time… and now the cycle has repeated YET AGAIN :)

[easywisdom]

How You Can Put Yourself First Every Day?

Do you consider it selfish when you put yourself first? Do you believe it is a result of self-obsession. It is true that the concept of putting oneself first has been adapted and interpreted negatively.

People might assume that putting themselves first means being impolite and useless if they had encountered people who generally believed in not assisting others.

And those who merely have a brief understanding of this subject would undoubtedly embrace it in a way that lessens their duty to their friends, families, and community. But that is not the point of putting yourself first.

Meaning & Importance Of Putting Yourself First

It is about making decisions that are best for your long-term health. It's important to resist letting other people bully you.

It's about designing a life that fulfils your needs rather than living up to the expectations of society or other people. Caring for the people you love because they are a part of your life is putting yourself first.

Because it is your home, the environment has to be looked for and supported. Essentially, the "yourself" in put yourself first does not refer to selfish goals, carelessness, or plotting.

It involves one's physical and mental well-being as well as interpersonal harmony, love, respect, and moral principles.

How To Put Yourself First?

Understanding your body: I believe there is a lot of room for improvement in how humans relate to their bodies. We've damaged our connection with rest and taking pauses while trying to maximise productivity; for many of us, there is now guilt associated with it. It appears as though we are fleeing when we need to take a break and give our brain some time free of stress. But perhaps it's our body's way of telling us to live a balanced life.

You should live your life happily, rather productively: And while employment gives us purpose and provides for us, it shouldn't rule our lives. We must surely treat our bodies with more kindness. We must allow the body to heal naturally, thus we must give it all the time and relaxation it needs. Stop comparing our bodies to those of others. Without disregarding our bodies, which are our source of life, we can work toward our fitness objectives. Making informed food choices also means eating meals that will feed our bodies. Let's lessen suffering by being conscious of the true cost of our food to other people, animals, and the environment.

Put your voice: When you feel it is vital to speak something, don't be silent. Speaking up isn't about being clever or making needless noise; it's about standing up for our principles, encouraging others, and supporting what is worthwhile. We frequently regret expressing the things we ought to have, therefore let's put ourselves first and use our voice to express our feelings and the truth.

Live in integrity: Integrity is the discipline of being truthful and demonstrating a steadfast and unwavering adherence to high moral and ethical standards. We become role models for others and for ourselves when we live honest, mindful, compassionate, and responsible lives. This is one of the best ways of putting yourself first.

Make your life simple: Living a simple life, in my opinion, entails leading a life that is most satisfying to you because you are devoting your time and effort to the things that are most important to you. When you live simply, you consider where and how much to donate. Your efforts won't be wasted on meaningless, time-wasting tasks when you are aware of the aspects of life that really important.

You should accept yourself: Accepting who you are as you are is the essence of self-acceptance. There aren't any restrictions in place. You're a complete self-acceptor. Looking ahead can cause us to lose focus on the present moment. Acceptance shouldn't wait until we believe we are as flawless as it is possible for us to be. This doesn't imply that we view our shortcomings favourably; rather, we simply acknowledge their existence and resolve to address them. Self-acceptance helps to eliminate self-hatred. It doesn't sound like a smart idea to turn a version of ourselves that we wish to admire into something we despise. Right now, we are who we are. And we can only improve if we are aware of our foundational strengths.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Would you be willing to discuss the Batch and Bois having a s/o with mental health struggles that include excessive sleep and just general 'lazy' behavior? I'm mainly thinking the depressive episodes of bipolar (Which I'm currently going through) But feel free to make it as vague as you want so other people can relate. Even if this outside of your comfort zone, thank you. Your blog, your posts about all of the guys make me feel like I have an actual person there supporting me and making me smile. I hope you never give up on this blog, but I understand if the time comes someday. You're the best, wishing you all the good fortune in the world!

Hi anon! Well, considering I've struggled with depression and some form of executive dysfunction my entire life, being labeled as "lazy" despite that word being utterly useless and dismissive of any real problems, and wishing I had a partner to support me through these health issues... Yes, I will definitely write about our beautiful, strong clones helping us out 😅 Also, tysm for your kind words, it really means a lot to hear how my blog and content have helped others 😊

Fives, Hardcase, and Wrecker are great with motivation and encouragement. They understand you may not have energy every day, but they're very perceptive and can usually tell the difference between being completely incapacitated versus just needing a little pep talk to get going. They are quick to praise any time you do accomplish something, as well as reminding you of those previous victories during any bad days. They are your personal cheerleader.

Cody, Wolffe, and Jesse use Spoon Theory to help them understand how you function, and how they can best navigate a relationship with you. They'll legit ask you how many spoons you have left throughout the day. They may even keep a personal chart for themselves with how many spoons certain tasks usually require so they can gauge when to step in and help you. They never make you feel bad when you're running low.

Tup, Hunter, and Crosshair will adapt to your low-key lifestyle and never push you to do more than you want. You may worry at first, that you're slowing them down or boring them, but they adamantly assure you they are content simply with your presence, no activity needed. Within no time, it feels so natural to have them there as you sleep or zone out, and you don't feel like you are weird because of it.

Fox, Kix, and Tech are concerned and will do whatever they can to help you from a professional stand-point, if you're comfortable with it. Therapy, medication, or even simple adjustments to daily routines is their go-to in supporting you, because they like research and experiments. They just don't want you to be unhappy, so even if you'll never be the energetic, active type, they still want you to enjoy life with whatever aide(s) are useful.

Rex, Echo, and Dogma work hard to help you find balance and structure, so that even when they're away, you don't have to struggle. They pay attention to what works on your good days, and what is a danger to bringing out your bad days. They set reminders for you, they put up cheerful sticky notes, they get pre-prepared meals for you, whatever they can think of to keep the little things from bringing you down.

Clone Tag List: @damerondala, @marvel-starwars-nerd, @dangerousstrawberrypie, @pandora-the-halfling, @misogirl828, @darkangel4121, @sobstea, @rintheemolion, @dionysuskid21, @jesseeka, @hanbedumbaf, @fallingforthem, @harleyevanstan, @imabeautifulbutterfly, @justanothersadperson93, @ThatMultiFandomDumbass, @Sarahtanmarvel, @itsagrimm, @call-me-a-fool, @lackofhonor, @error6gendernotfound, @theclonesdeservebetter, @Hannahhearttcw, @Salaminus, @Techie-bear, @Lottemoppie13

+ Bad Batch Tag: @bowtiesandsandshoes, @softlymellow

(Join my tag list here)

[azurevi]

Hello! I saw that your requests are open. Can I request a oneshot for Jade who is crushing on a fem!MC but MC doesnt believe him cuz she always feels like hes just doing this for some other reasons *cough* contract *cough*

Jade having a crush on fem!MC

I feel like this is kinda bad... because I suck at confessions lol, hope you like it though ^^

Jade is the same around anyone.

Polite smiles, gentlemanly gestures and well-calculated words. It's hard to understand him sometimes, considering how often he wears the same expressions. 

That's why there was no way he was interested in you. He treated you just like how he treated every other person. Even if he showed additional kindness, it was probably because of the contract you signed with Azul.

It was probably a bad choice to do business with Azul, but you had no choice. You had been in need for money, and Grim's constant desire for tuna cans was getting out of hand. It wasn't like you could leave him to starve, and you didn't really feel like leaving the campus to find part-time jobs. That was when Jade came in with the suggestion that you went to help in Mostro Lounge.

Jade was always offering help whenever he could, you noticed. Like teaching you topics you didn't understand and leading you to your destination because you were still unfamiliar with the place. You realized that it was probably out of guilt, after all the mess that happened in the Octavinelle dorm.

Back to the present, that explained why you were now bound to work by a contract. It wasn't that bad though, everyone was friendly and understanding even though you made mistakes sometimes.

"Y/N, do you need a break?" Jade walked towards you on your way towards the kitchen.

"Oh, I'm fine, there aren't that many customers for me anyways," you looked around and saw Floyd rushing back and forth to take orders. "For some reason, Floyd is working extra hard. I wonder why he's so energetic these days,"

"Well, that means you can work less, so it's not really a bad thing," he said casually. You knew that they were simply out of courtesy, but his words showed so much care that you felt happiness growing in your chest.

"I suppose so-"

Before you could finish your sentence, you were cut off by an annoyed Floyd stomping towards the two of you. "How can you two just stand here while I do all the work? This is so unfair!"

"Come on, Floyd. We had an agreement," Jade said quietly, but loud enough for you to hear. You wondered what he meant.

Floyd looked insistent at first, but then he sighed and walked back to the customers, looking defeated.

"Well, I guess I'll find something to do too," you said, albeit still curious about what that was all about.

"Ah, right. Be careful then," Jade waved you off, seemingly a little disappointed that your chat ended so soon. 

--

"Why are you doing this anyways? It's not like she'll know," Floyd murmured as he cleaned the place with Jade. Everyone had already gone home, except for the twins and Azul, who was working in the VIP room.

"I simply don't want her to overwork himself,"

"So you're going to overwork me instead?"

"I'm not overworking you. I promised to get you the limited edition of the sneakers you want, didn't I?"

Floyd grunted, unable to retort. 

Working at Mostro Lounge could be stressful. The number of customers varied depending on the time, and it could be difficult for a newcomer like you to get used to. Not to mention that you were still a first year trying to adapt to this world.

"You know, Jade? I think you just like her,"

"What makes you say that?" Jade said, although his smile had already given him away..

"Everything? You treat her so nicely! I've never seen you so generous before,"

"Am I that evil in your eyes?" he laughed. "I guess I do find myself attracted to her,"

"I'm not sure if she feels the same way though. She seems to think that you're doing it out of respect,"

Jade didn't answer. 

Of course he noticed. No matter how much he did for you, you still couldn't seem to pick up the hint. He was already doing all he could, going out of his way just to delight you and show to you just how special you were to him, but all his efforts were futile.

That didn't seem to stop him though, if anything, his feelings even started to blossom because of the increased chances of seeing you. It was all so new and exciting to him, falling in love and experiencing all the conflicted emotions inside him.

"Why can't you just tell her?" Floyd asked. 

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do that,"

Floyd tapped his chin for a few times. "Just go up to her, give her some flowers and say anything that's on your mind!"

"Are you sure it's that simple?" Jade said. Floyd's suggestion wasn't half bad, but Jade had envisioned something more official. A bunch of flowers seemed so bland.

"If she really likes you back, I think she'll like whatever you give her," Floyd said before getting back to work, leaving Jade in his deep thoughts.

--

On a tiring day after school, you found Jade waiting outside your classroom, hoping to invite you to tea. You accepted right away, already anticipating hanging out with him.

Apparently he set up a nice table and some snacks in the botanical garden. The garden was warm and refreshing, with fragrances of flowers and plants enriching your senses. 

"What is the occasion?" you asked, settling down on the seat across Jade. He poured a crimson colored tea into your teacup, hiding a soft smile. You weren't sure you'd seen it before.

"I just wanted to enjoy your accompany," 

Your heart leapt to a great height, but you hid it behind the cup as you took a sip. The surprises kept coming as you tasted the sweet, warm tea in your mouth. 

"This tastes so good! What's it called?"

"I experimented on it a while back then. It's one of my favourites," Jade grinned, his mismatched eyes disappearing into slits. "I wanted you to be the first one to taste it. I thought it'd be a good opportunity for me to tell you something,"

"Yes?" 

There was silence for a while, and you could see what seemed to be nervousness on Jade's face before he spoke again. 

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

You were glad you hadn't been sipping the tea, because you would've choked on it. 

"Go- go on a date with you?" Does he actually like you that way? Why hadn't you noticed before? Does he have a crush on you?

"Yes.. I understand that you might not have noticed, but I actually like you a lot," Jade basically just answered all the questions on your mind. "Will you give me a chance? I promise to take good care of you,"

"Of course!" you said ecstatically before clearing your throat, composing yourself. "I've always liked you too, you know? I just wasn't sure if you felt the same,"

"I guess I'll display more affection to you from now on," he said, lips arched in a small smile as he raised his cup of tea to it. It was useless though, as the blush on his cheeks were vividly visible. It was a Jade that you'd never seen, and a Jade that only you could see.

[astrologichole]

the signs and their best qualities

Aries: selfless, adventurous, the hardest workers ever, cares a lot, extremely helpful, their wisdom is so unexpected but valuable, will go to great lengths to protect the people they love, charming, magnetic, will prove you wrong so don’t even try arguing with them, relentless and driven, will stop at nothing to achieve their goals even if their goals seem impossible, very sure of themselves, would probably actually kill for you

Taurus: smart as hell, really relaxed but never boring, unexpectedly creative, surprising, can be very romantic when they’re in love, always willing to try new things, funny as hell, the most sarcastic and snarky people, generally cool people with a diverse perspective, music taste is impeccable, don’t even bother trying to argue with them because their logic and debate skills are unnaturally advanced, up front and genuine, doesn’t like to bullshit people, go to them for honesty and good advice

Gemini: will give those they love everything they need, observant, not afraid to stand up for themselves, go getters in general, really silly (sometimes morbid) humor and generally fun to be around, strong, compelling, really interesting people with lots of “useless” knowledge and fun facts, knows more than they show, they’re often the most victimized sign but in reality they’re just really misunderstood because they themselves don’t understand who they are but that’s part of their charm

Cancer: the absolute most selfless, always figures out a solution even when it doesn’t seem possible, can win over anyone, timeless, they’re probably the most magnetic sign because of how fucking great their personalities are, well-rounded, wouldn’t kill for you, but would emotionally torment someone for you, knows how you feel before you even know how you feel, dreamy, honestly just lovely people, their endurance for people’s bullshit is above and beyond, even though they’re emotionally sensitive, they connect on a very deep and empathetic level and may appear disheveled but are actually pretty aware of what they feel

Leo: their minds.....ugh, one of the most underestimated signs in terms of their creativity and emotional toll, committed until the very end, when they’re in love they’re actually pretty big babies and will 100% surprise you with their sensitive nature, natural leaders but even if they’re more on the subdued side, leos still have a natural knack for understanding people on a level that enables them to move through (especially) their careers, relationships and so forth, self-aware and unafraid of judgment as judgment only adds to their constant inner quest for self understanding, stereotypical leos are known as being out there and brave, but often times leo’s want to be acknowledged for their ability to withhold themselves and be more in control than they let off

Virgo: they remember everything...everything, they’re really the baddest bitches out there, incredibly smart and determined, gives the best advice, will tell it like it is and doesn’t care to hold back what they see as true, their actions are their love language and those actions are priceless, they honestly live thirty years in the future and are really prepared even if they don’t know what they’re prepared for, while they can sometimes come off as grounded and engrained in the more serious aspects of life, virgos are actually incredibly sensitive and imaginative and are never given enough credit for their visions and virtues, able to navigate tricky situations, fearless

Libra: babies, extremely lovable, quietly powerful, not just smart but incredibly wise, gentle and caring, living, breathing fairytale people, extremely giving and gracious, even though they’re indecisive, they’ll alway try their best to make the most well intentioned decisions, they just kind of get it, can analyze you in 2 seconds and suddenly know everything about your deep rooted childhood traumas (I don’t understand how but they just do), they’re people pleasers so they’re very social, but their truest selves come out most when they can connect to someone who genuinely understands them and vice versa, they’re very tired so expect lots of naps and quality relaxation time with them, peaceful angels

Scorpio: the absolute most stubborn and unrelenting sign and while that could be a negative quality, its positive attributes are that they will not stop until they’re understood and will be wildly loyal to their morals and standards even if those moral and standards are a bit unaligned with everyone else’s, highly individualistic but can blend in easily if they want to, passionate, when they’re in love they’re in love for good (the perfect soulmates), critical for the best reasons, they don’t like to sugar coat and want to give the best advice possible while still keeping things very real, adaptable, their mind is everywhere and with that they are an endless landscape of imagination, visions, and characters all weaved within this one beautiful mind

Sagittarius: they’re just here to have a good time, would 10000% kill for you, steal for you, probably commit treason for you but they’re chillin, will go to great lengths to understand others and the world around them, cultural and diverse, very social but they also know when to pull back and seek comfort from themselves, they know how important self-awareness is and constantly seek out who they are and what they aim to be, refuses to be tied down to any one thing (not to suggest they’re incapable of finding a solid relationship, rather, they need someone who can match their unrelenting speed and drive for life), truly goes with the flow and lets life lead them rather than lead their own life

Capricorn: doesn’t seem like they’re psycho analyzing you, but they're 100% psycho analyzing you, scary smart, the hardest working sign, they’re often considered as a bit stiff and lacking vulnerability, but on the inside, capricorns are complex and other worldly and really want to be understood, they can endure and manage just about anything, is unexpectedly very artistic and deeply understanding of the emotions their art depicts, committed and responsible, incredibly reliable, they don’t like to cancel plans or ghost people, but sometimes they need time to themselves and can be susceptible to those things which is perfectly fine because capricorns deserve a bit of a departure from their usual selves, the type of person you think about even if you don’t talk to them for a long time

Aquarius: cares a lot about social issues and pressing matters, optimistic, efficient with time, not afraid to try new things, a people person (pretty popular), very free spirited, very in tune with their morals and virtues, easy to relate to when they’re vulnerable with those they’re close with, mysterious and adaptable, truly the chameleon of the zodiac signs, great listeners and even better speakers, can dictate a conversation even through silence (it’s never awkward), sometimes has a hard time loving others deeply but has an everlasting love for life so it’s cool

Pisces: also babies, empathetic and kind, dreamy, intuitive and observant, goes out of their way for the people they love (or strangers, they just like making sure everyone is comfortable), good listeners, will make you fall in love with them without them even knowing it, sensitive to other’s feelings and morals, socially aware, overall very sweet but also very encyclopedic and aware of social and political matters (can debate you under the table), will 100% take you away from reality

[ouyangzizhensdad]

RE: WWX and his arc being about trauma. I got into the fandom through CQL and the first time I saw it I actually read a lot of his actions post the burning of Lotus Cove as being influenced by his trauma. He's paranoid even before getting thrown into the burial mounds. He seems to be self medicating with alchohol (which WQ kinda calls him out on). He over-reacts to a lot things, which seems to me like a nasty case of emotional dysregulation as a result of PTSD. He avoids all kinds (1/3)

Of reminders of his tramua, his sword being the greatest example but there were other little things. He never gave much of a fuck about propriety but the way he completely igonres it (and the possible social fallout) later speaks to me less about not caring and more about not *having* the emotional capacity to care, much like what happens with depression. Plus, a lot of his behaviour can be read with various shades of being self destructive, and there are just in general a lot of points (2/3)

Where it's made clear that he's in a pretty bad headspace (him crying about being useless in the burial mounds for example), but none of that ever really gets dealt with so all of those issues are still hanging under the surface even if they're not apparent all the time. I mean, this is just my take, but at least imo WWX ticks a lot of the checkboxes for PTSD in the drama and it explains a lot about the way he acts and the bad decisions he makes. Hope this was helpful! (3/3)

I'm only referring to the drama btw, not the novel (which I haven't read yet). My memory is terrible so I'm not sure if I made it clear or not lol. Anyways, have a good day ^^

Hi there, 

I am always curious when people who have only engaged with CQL end up engaging with my novel-only meta blog but perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised: if CQL posts end up in the mdzs tag, why not the opposite? I’ve seen some of my novel meta reblogged and tagged with “the untamed” and “CQL” so maybe the answer is already out there, staring at me in the face! 

I’ll start by saying that I do not wish to really argue with people’s interpretations of CQL since I consider that MDZS and CQL are very different works because so many changes were made in the process of adapting the novel, and I personally have no interest in analysing CQL except wrt  how it can help us better understand the novel (seeing certain elements removed or changed may help us understand why they mattered in the first place or what their use was). So I will speak to the arguments that could be applied to the novel and why *I* don’t think WWX’s arc in the novel is about trauma, and why I don’t think that picking up certain behaviours that can be exhibited by people with PTSD (but not exclusively by people with PTSD) is enough in itself to support the idea that a character’s arc is about trauma/shaped by PTSD. That does not mean that my interpretation is the only acceptable one--I am aware that a lot of people disagree with me on this and see trauma as a central theme/central part of WWX’s arc--and so I expect that a lot of people will disagree with my points (hopefully after they’ve read this post in good faith). And that’s perfectly fine: how likely is it that we can find another person who will agree 100% with our own interpretation of a work of fiction? And having divergent opinions floating around the fandom, or having to develop counter-arguments is a good way to strengthen our own pov if we don’t find ourselves convinced by that other interpretation, so it’s all good. 

So first, I’ll address the biggest point of my argument before moving to address more specific points you raise in your ask. For me, WWX’s characterisation is not about trauma but about resilience. 

So first, let’s clarify some things. Going through adversity/experiencing a situation that is difficult =/= experiencing trauma. Trauma is a concept referring to a potential response to going through adversity/experiencing something distressing or disturbing. In short, trauma as it is conceptualised and understood is not universal: not only in the sense that is a spatiotemporally specific concept used to make certain experiences intelligible, but as the reaction to difficult events (as well, what is considered to be an experience that falls under that concept is not itself universal and can take many gorms, and the behaviours and thoughts associated with trauma are generally not exclusive to it, ie having certain behaviours/thought processes is not an automatic proof that someone is dealing with trauma/ptsd). So after all this word vomit I want to clarify that my intent is not to suggest that WWX doesn’t go through experiences that are likely to cause trauma, but that to me, what is being portrayed is a different reaction to these events: resilience (if a slightly more “fictional” portrayal of resilience than what it would be presented in psychology/psychiatry). 

Resilience refers to how people adapt or recover successfully from adversity/distressing situation/stress. That does not mean that people’s first reaction to adversity/distressing situations will be not defined by negative emotions, of course. For instance, I don’t think WWX’s heightened paranoia/emotional state directly after the fall of LP when he goes to look for JC is an indication of trauma because at this point WWX is still deep in the middle of that moment of adversity: he’s still a fugitive in the middle of a war, in the middle of danger. This also doesn’t mean that people cannot still have some temporary negative reactions to things that happened to them, afterwards: WWX having to pause when JC presents him with Suibian after he returns from Mass Grave Hill is not inherently an indication of trauma as it can be read that his sword a reminder of the difficult sacrifice he made--and the consequences he faced as a result (just because a situation was not traumatic doesn’t mean we enjoy revisiting it).

Why I think that WWX’s arc or characterisation is about resilience rather than trauma is because of many things, but mostly I want to point out two sections of the novel in particular. 

First, this characterisation of WWX through JYL that we get relatively early in the novel:

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang Yanli, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few. She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling. 

The first time they met, Wei Wuxian was kneeling on the ground, eating the fruit peels that somebody tossed on the ground. Yiling’s winter and spring were quite cold, yet the child only wore thin layers. His knees were already tattered, and on his feet were two different shoes that didn’t fit at all. As he was looking down, searching for fruit peels, Jiang Fengmian called him. He still remembered that there was a “Ying” in his name, so he lifted his head. Although his cheeks were both red and chapped from the cold, he still wore a smile. 

Jiang Yanli said that he was born with a smiling look. No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them; no matter what situation he was in, he would be happy. Although it sounded a bit heartless, it really was not bad.

This refers to a time of his life that is extremely difficult: he lost both his parents suddenly, at a young age, became suddenly homeless with no means to feed himself except to beg, and yet the only trauma he seems to carry from this experience is related to dogs. To me, this is a clear move from MXTX to position WWX as the kind of protagonist who can face a storm and keep his smile on his face. I can imagine that some people take it perhaps as a subversion, as the text telling us that WWX is weathering it all with a smile but underneath it all he is just a bundle of unaddressed trauma. And that’s certainly a possible interpretation, but it’s not mine. In this case I think the text is being straightforward. What we see of WWX also seems to support that: the way WWX just rolls with being brought back from the death, how easily he finds a way to adapt to things, etc.

I also find it meaningful that the novel choses to include in its ultimate chapter this discussion as part of its wrap-up of WWX’s journey and of Wangxian’s relationship.

After they left the shop, Wei Wuxian still sat on Xiao Pingguo while Lan Wangji held the reins in front.Swaying left and right atop the donkey, Wei Wuxian took the flute from his waist and placed it by his lips. The limpid notes flew across the sky like birds. Lan Wangji halted and listened quietly.

It was the song he sang for Wei Wuxian when they were stuck in the Xuanwu cave. It was also the song that Wei Wuxian just so happened to have played at Dafan Mountain, the song that enabled Lan Wangji to confirm his identity.

When he finished, Wei Wuxian winked his left eye towards Lan Wangji.

“How was it? Beautiful, huh?”

Lan Wangji slowly nodded. “For once.”

Wei Wuxian knew that ‘for once’ referred to how his memory was good for once. He could not help but smile.

“Don’t always be so angry about it. It was my fault in the past, alright? Besides, my terrible memory should be accredited to my mom.” Wei Wuxian propped his arm on Xiao Pingguo’s head, spinning Chenqing in his hand. “My mom said you have to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.”

This was one of the only things he remembered about his parents.

Of course, this is not a direct reference to resilience as it is explored in psychology. But to me it speaks to that idea: one of the biggest lesson WWX has kept with him, one of his only memory of--and thus legacy from--his parents, is this idea that we should not hold so much in our hearts. It also reframes his bad memory as being the result of a philosophy, of an approach to life that not just about being grateful/paying your debts to others, but also a form of resilience, in a sense. 

As well, I find that a lot of people who go with the trauma interpretation see WWX’s actions and thoughts processes dyring his YLLZ’s days as being the result of his ptsd, where I personally read it as the influence of modao. I am aware as well that some people do not think that modao actually harmed WWX during that period of his life, but I don’t think that LWJ would have been worried if there were not reasons to believe it would:

One against two, Lan Wangji still refused to back off. He gazed at Wei Wuxian, “Wei Ying, for cultivating an evil path you would eventually have to pay. Throughout time, there has not been a single exception.”

Wei Wuxian, “I can pay.”

Seeing how unconcerned he seemed to be, Lan Wangji lowered his voice, “The path would not only damage your body, but your heart as well (此道损身，更损心性。)”

So now, onto the specific points you raised in the ask.

Self-medicating with alcohol: WWX is shown to enjoy and drink large amounts of alcohol before the fall of LP and after most of the events of the novel have unfolded. In the novel, while WQ tries to make WWX stop drinking, it is as likely to believe that it is for his health (now that he doesn’t have a golden core) than it would be because she was worried he was self-medicating. As well, heavy drinking is a very normalized behaviour (although most physicians don’t think it’s a good thing) in a lot of cultures and times, and considering WWX’s higher tolerance and his general demeanor while imbricated, his drinking is not shown to have a negative effect on his ability to live his life. The line between “self-soothing” (normal aspect of being humans dealing with emotions and hardships) and “self-medicating” (pathological) is hard to trace with alcohol consumption. As well, just because people with PTSD may self-medicate with alchohol doesn’t mean all people who self-medicate with alcohol do it because of PTSD. 

He's paranoid even before getting thrown into the burial mounds. As I mentioned briefly before, WWX is at the time a fugitive in the middle of a war: he’s still in the middle of those stressful events and his paranoia is not necessarily a maladaptive response since they are still very much fugitives in the middle of a war. Trauma is not really your reaction during but in the aftermath. It would be more telling if WWX were still exhibiting signs of paranoia in situations where he would have no reasons to. 

He over-reacts to a lot things, which seems to me like a nasty case of emotional dysregulation as a result of PTSD. I’m not certain at which reactions you are referring to here, but especially considering that some of this might be chalked up to acting choices since this is based on CQL, I probably won’t address this one point too much in relation to the novel. I do want to emphasize though that we’ve seen prior to Sunshot campaign that WWX can be quite impulsive in certain situations (hitting JZX for insulting Shijie, which he does both before and after the events of the Sunshot Campaign). As well, I do think it’s important to remember that he is still in the middle of the war during the Sunshot campaign, and that he is also hiding something pretty important from the people close to him and living a sort of double life, on top of experiencing fatigue/hunger in a way he hasn’t for years due to the loss of his golden core. In short, there are a lot of things going on that can be used to explain what can be seen as “over-reactions” without necessarily going with PTSD.

avoids all kinds  reminders of his trauma, his sword being the greatest example but there were other little things. I’ve broached in my previous discussions, but it’s also pertinent to remember his mom’s philosophy: we can also see this as WWX trying to leave in the pass this difficult sacrifice he made in order to move forward. 

He never gave much of a fuck about propriety but the way he completely ignores it (and the possible social fallout) later speaks to me less about not caring and more about not *having* the emotional capacity to care, much like what happens with depression. I have to disagree with that interpretation of WWX and WWX’s actions, but again this might just be a case of CQL-only vs novel-only interpretations of the character. One thing WWX thinks about being reborn in a “lunatic’s” body is that he’ll get to have fun, the way he never could when his actions reflected on others. So while at times WWX flaunts propriety, he is aware of how his actions can impact others and show in different situations that he is aware of propriety. His choice to protect the Wen Remnants goes against that, for sure, but it isn’t necessarily a case of not understanding the possible social fallout so much as putting other things (ie his life-debt towards WN and WQ) before propriety, as we can see for example in this exchange.

Jiang Cheng, “I’m the one who fucking wants to give you a thrashing! Yes, they helped us before, but why in the world don’t you understand that right now any remnant of the Wen Sect is a target of criticism! No matter who they are, with a surname of Wen they have committed a most heinous crime! And those who protect the Wen are at risk of being condemned by everyone! All the people loathe the Wen-dogs so badly that the worse they die the better. Whoever protects them is against the entire world. Nobody would speak for them, and nobody would speak for you either!”

“I don’t need anyone to speak for me.”

[...]

Swords unsheathed, the two stared at each other for a while. Neither was willing to take a single step back. A while later, Jiang Cheng spoke, “Wei Wuxian, have you still not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you really need me to say it out loud? If you insist on protecting them, then I won’t be able to protect you.”

“There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted.

Wei Wuxian, “Just let go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, no matter what Wei Wuxian does, it’d have nothing to do with YunmengJiangShi.”

“… All for the Wen Sect…? Wei Wuxian, do you have a savior complex? Is it that you’ll die if you don’t stand up for someone and stir up some trouble?”

Wei Wuxian stayed quiet. A while later, he answered, “So that’s why we should cut ties right now, in case anything I do affects YunmengJiangShi in the future.”

a lot of his behaviour can be read with various shades of being self destructive Which ones, specifically? I’m not trying to be obtuse, but I’m not sure which ones you mean. 

he's in a pretty bad headspace (him crying about being useless in the burial mounds for example) It needs to be said that the crying is only in CQL (it was an acting choice by XZ). My memory is playing tricks on me, but I think pre-rebirth we only see him cry after he kills JZX and after JYL’s death? Someone please fact-check me on this. 

Since I don’t believe it was MXTX’s intent to make WWX’s characterisation and arc about trauma, I do feel like interpreting the different behaviours as signs of his PTSD might lead us to miss out on other potential interpretations or meanings behind these choices, if we put aside the PTSD angle. It may also lead us to deny the text the possibility to signify something different through these behaviours and signs, especially on a thematic level--to explore something about how events and emotions shape us in a manner that exists outside of modern psychiatric classification.

TLDR (because god this got long): My point is not that WWX is unaffected by the things that happened to him or the things he’s done during this portion of his life: of course he is! Especially as they are happening to him, or when he is still stuck in a very difficult situation. But I don’t think his character and his arc is about trauma but instead about resilience. That, at the end of MDZS, WWX is still the person JYL described: No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them.

[skullsandwineglasses]

Awu - A coping character

Like a lot of people, my immediate reaction after watching episodes 59-63 was dissatisfaction and frustration. It seemed like Awu was a passive character. I still think she is passive, but that’s not necessarily a flaw or something that we should fault her about. This is going to be a helluva long post, but let me try to explain. 

Awu is what you would call a “coping” character. She copes with obstacles thrown at her. She reacts to the machinations that blow up around her. She doesn’t really strive for things, except for probably general happiness. In the trailers, you hear her say in the voiceover, “I just want to be with the one I love”. Awu is a romantic. We saw this when she was young and crushing on Zi Tan and how she begged the emperor to grant her the wish of marrying for love. When she is a married woman, we see her wanting to start a family with Xiao Qi. We see her actively seek out ways to boost her health so that she can bear a child. Her ultimate goal is to find true love and have a family. 

In a way, she reminds me of the Mandalorian. There’s a meme that says that even though the Mandalorian is the main character that the audience follows, in the grand scheme of things, the Mandalorian is actually just a side character among a group of main characters. The Mandalorian doesn’t strive for much. He just wants to be a Space Dad (TM) to Baby Yoda and to find a jedi to train his adopted child, and he has absolutely no interest in the politics in the galaxy. But, he’s always unwillingly thrust into politically-charged situations by these “main” characters around him who have their own political missions. 

As a princess, Awu is the center of attention. Everyone dotes on her. But she isn’t a key player in the palace politics at all. She has no desire to be apart of it, even though everyone tries to pull her into it: Daddy Wang trying to force her into an military-advantageous marriage, her Empress aunt trying to get her to marry her son the crown prince, and then her Emperor uncle using her to help protect his will. Everyone has their own political agenda that each would have long-lasting consequences to the empire, but all Awu wants is to live happily ever after with the person she loves. This goal of hers never changes throughout the drama, which I admire. Even up to episode 63, she’s asking Xiao Qi to let go of vengeance and leave the capital with her to go live up north like they’ve always dreamed and planned together. While I don’t really agree with her asking XQ to give up vengeance, I completely understand why she asks him. 

Among a cast of characters who are constantly planning and scheming, even Xiao Qi now with his drive for justice and vengeance, it almost feels like Awu doesn’t belong, and I think this difference between her and the people around her is why it can seem frustrating to some viewers. We project our emotions onto her and expect her to react as we would. We expect her to act like how we think we would act in that situation. But Awu has always been different from the people around her. I don’t think she’s ever really been in-sync with any character expect maybe for her mom, her maids (Jin’er doesn’t count), and Xiao Qi. So now that her and XQ are slightly out of sync in terms of their attitudes, we’re feeling a little on edge. 

I think many would agree that Awu is a smart character, but she doesn’t scheme. And again, that’s because she’s a simple young woman, so we can’t expect her to scheme since she’s never had to. She’s never had to scheme to survive. Even when her whole family schemes, they always think about sparring her because of how much they loved her in the past. People complain about her being the last one to find out about things, but that’s because she doesn’t really involve herself in matters outside the house. She always thinks the best of people and so she never suspects them. She’s saintly to a fault. In a way, Awu is a very idealistic character, but also a resilient one since she’s able to remain true to her original nature even after witnessing the worst of her family. I admit, this was a little hard to buy at first, which was why I was frustrated with her, and her character isn’t everyone’s cup of tea because it’s a really Mary Sue kind of character, but after having cooled down these past few days, I’ve learned to respect her. With all the cunning and ruthless female leads recently, it’s nice to see a female lead who stays true to herself even after facing adversity, instead of becoming hardened and jaded and cynical. I feel like we hate on these kinds of FLs too much, kind of like how everyone hated Bella from Twilight back in 2010. I secretly really liked Bella and related to her when I was a teen, but I boarded on the hate-bandwagon because everyone else hated her. 

BUT, I think what’s causing all the backlash is what people expected Awu to become based on how she was set up from the beginning. It almost feels like the writers couldn’t decide if they want her to be brash and rebellious, or loyal and true to the times. So we end up with a confusing combination of both, and different viewers end up having different expectations of what they want her character to be, hence all the disagreements about how to interpret her actions and decisions.

At the beginning, we’re introduced to a sheltered, loved, and carefree young woman of noble blood. Awu is then forced to marry a man she hardly knows, her lover won’t elope with her, and her husband leaves her on her wedding night. This is her first major turning point, and we see an immediate change in her. She matures overnight. She seems to have lost her carefree innocence. She isn’t as bubbly as before. 

Because we see this major change in her character so early on in the drama, this is what we expect to continue moving forward for her character, and that she’s going to keep being molded in this way by life-changing events.

She’s then captured by Helan Zhen and has to try to survive, and she does this very well when you consider her sheltered and noble upbringing. In fact, a lot of the things that Awu does in the drama are out of line with her upbringing. She supports the Emperor’s decision to grant XQ, a peasant-born general, the ranking of a prince. She is able to adapt to the rough lifestyle in Ning Shuo. She’s able to whistle like a bandit, much to Xiao Qi’s surprise. And when you think about it, you begin to wonder, where did Awu learn to whistle and ride a horse like that? Who snuck her out of the prime minister’s manor in order to teach her these things? I doubt it was her brother or the princes, considering how useless and misogynistic they are. Her grandmother taught her politics and the arts, which helped her become worldly and cultured, but she didn’t teach Awu what a peasant’s lifestyle is like. So it’s actually a huge surprise that the spoiled daughter of a princess is able to fall in love with a low-born general and feel safe and at ease with him so quickly and easily. We’re briefly told that Awu likes selfless heroes, and so that’s our explanation for why she was able to fall for Xiao Qi. But to me, I think her falling in love with Xiao Qi is another example of how Awu is able to cope with the circumstances. 

When Xiao Qi rescues her and takes her back to Ning Shuo, she’s resistant towards him. She seems defeated. Lifeless. We think her time in captivity with Helan has induced another permanent change in her. When Xiao Qi opens the window to let some fresh air in, she calls hims “cu lu” ( 粗鲁), which means rough. It’s something you say when you insult someone for being inelegant, thoughtless, and rude. She scorns the women’s taste of clothing in Ning Shuo, and is surprised when she learns that XQ, along with the rest of the army, only showers once a month because of the lack of hot water. 

BUT, what begins to change Awu’s mind so quickly is seeing how righteous and devoted Xiao Qi is. She sees him as a good marriage partner. Her situation could have been a lot worse. After all, after seeing how unhappy her mother, the Empress, and Wanru were in their marriages, Awu expected a similar situation with her own arranged marriage. But instead, she quickly realizes what a lucky hand she’s been dealt, so she accepts XQ and lets herself fall for him. She doesn’t really have a choice anyway, so she embraces it. I especially love the scene during the siege when she tells Zi Tan that she fell in love with Xiao Qi because of his heroism and his selflessness towards the empire, while she now looks down on Zi Tan. If only Xiao Qi were there to hear her confess her love to him so vehemently. 

In Ning Shuo, we see Awu begin to soften towards Xiao Qi. She becomes her old carefree self again around him. THIS is something that deviates from most coming-of-age stories that feature a female lead who is irreversibly changed by a traumatic life event. Awu returning to her normal, positive self instead of being jaded foreshadows how her character will behave for the rest of the drama. Yes, Awu doesn’t “grow” like other female characters, but she stays consistent and optimistic, which is a virtue in itself because it reflects her resilience. 

When Awu is separated from Xiao Qi and has to protect a city against a siege by her uncle, we see her rise up to the challenge on her own. We see her command an army. We see her stand up to Zi Tan. She shows potential of becoming a “rebel princess”, which again raises our expectations that she’ll become more involved in politics. But at the same time, she’s still a young woman who likes to cuddle with her husband and be doted on by him when he returns. This is the Awu that we’ve known from the beginning. She’s used to be doted on by people who love her. What we have to remember from this siege arc is that while Awu showed great leadership skills, this is not who she wants to be. She CAN be this person, but she doesn’t want to be. The drama subtly reminds us of this when Xiao Qi comes back and she melts into his arms. 

This aspect of her character is echoed again in episode 36 when she and Xiao Qi are cuddling in their signature corner of the manor. She says that she doesn’t seem to have to worry about anything when he’s around. XQ teases her about what she would do while he’s gone at war. She tells him that she can face anything on her own when he’s not there, but when he is here, all she wants to do is rely on him. 

We tend to forget that Awu likes to be doted on (e.g., remember all those moments throughout the beginning of the drama where she likes to lie in people’s laps. See this post.) This was how she grew up. Loved and spoiled. But Awu CAN be strong. She’s perfectly capable of being strong. That’s why the Emperor trusted her with his will. That’s why Wanru and Zilong trusted her with their child aka the future of the empire. But, she doesn’t want to be this person who has suddenly become the pillar of the empire. She wants to live a simple life. That’s why she sounds so somber when she talks to Nanny Xu about the meaning behind “Mu Yi Tian Xia”, and her duty as the wife of a general and the descendant of royals to unite the commoners with the blue bloods. It’s a tall order, but she’s willing to take on that responsibility for the good of the empire. Again, this shows that Awu is a reactionary character who copes with turmoil that comes at her, but that’s because she’s taking on goals that she didn’t want or ask for in the first place. She has an entirely different set of goals. She dreams of living out another story. But instead, she’s born into this one. 

After the siege, Awu’s next major turning points involve her family, and I think this is where it becomes divisive. She finds out about her Emperor Uncle having tried to have her and XQ killed, her cousin trying to steal the throne, her Empress Aunt trying to burn the Emperor’s will, her father trying to stage a coup, her mother killing herself as a result, and her having a miscarriage. In the end, she forgives everyone even after having seen the worst of them. Even after realizing that they’d sacrifice her for power. This is all understandable, even if saintly of her. These are the people who raised her, so I get why she would forgive them. Awu values family (to a fault). It’s not in her nature to abandon family, especially given how close she is to them. They helped shaped who she grew up to be. She lived a happy childhood with them. She’s never known abuse. Heck, even when they betray her, like the Emperor, they apologize to her soon after. Everyone seems to want to appease her. Even the Empress after all she’s done. Can you blame Awu for not having it in her to hate people? As rotten as her family is, they always try to spare her, and they only target her as a reluctant, last resort (even though they all want her husband killed though. It’s weird how they justify loving her, but still think it’s okay to kill her husband). 

Awu does make some questionable decisions and judgments though, and I feel like she thinks of Xiao Qi too idealistically and takes him for granted, which can sometimes be unfair to him. 

Case 1 is when she goes out of her way to help Qian’er and meets with Helan Zhen in secret and then dances with him. Like what many people have said, they feel angry that she danced with HZ before her own husband. And when Xiao Qi expresses anger and concern over her meeting with HZ, she insults him by saying he lacks a sense of familial duty since she doesn’t have a proper family or clan. This was a low-blow, but I excused it since it was in the heat of the moment. 

Case 2 is the aphrodisiac incident. I think this is when Awu realizes that she hasn’t been considerate enough of Xiao Qi. When she learns that Xiao Qi was the victim in the situation, she immediately defended him and cast out Qian’er. However, up until this point, Awu has always taken Qian’er’s side against him. There’s no doubt that Awu loves and appreciates Xiao Qi, but it sometimes feels like she forgets how much he does for her and how tolerant he is of her family. Xiao Qi, an undefeated general and god of war, is nearly assaulted at the hands of his wife’s cousin because his wife has a big heart and let the predator into the house. Awu has always seen Xiao Qi has invincible, but this was the moment when she realizes that he can be broken, and she can be the cause of it. 

Case 3 is what everyone’s been talking about recently, which is how she is reacting to Xiao Qi’s rage towards his betrayed fallen soldiers. While I understand that Awu is stuck in the middle, it also feels like she’s prioritizing her family over his feelings. She knows that Xiao Qi is angry, and yet she asks him to leave with her. She has the expectation that he will listen to her. She’s (quietly) making him choose between her and his army, which is unfair, even if she’s doing it for his own good. Do I agree with what she’s doing? Not really. But do I sympathize with her motivations? Yes. It’s taken me a couple of days, but I think I now understand. 

Xiao Qi definitely has flaws too (e.g., the contraceptive fiasco). They both keep secrets from each other and try to make decisions for each other. Two sides of the same coin. Ugh, these two frustrate me so much, but I still love them so much. 

Overall, people are expecting Awu to be one type of character, but they ignore how the drama’s been characterizing her. We can agree or disagree with her character’s development, but when you break it down, Awu’s character makes sense and is actually quite consistent, which is surprising for a 68-episode drama. Usually characters take a 180-degree turn after being drawn out for so long, but Awu has stayed true, for better or for worse. Do I still get frustrated at her sometimes? Of course. But, I can sympathize with her. 

Rant over. 

[stray-tori]

TPN S02E06 - Initial Thoughts (anime-only)

hhh everything went wrong with my reaction video this time - the video is lagging (so i replaced the screenrecording with the actual episode), also facecam broken so my friends won’t get to see me tearing up and the wrong mic input was recorded so I’m sorry for the shitty quality. I’m so upset :(

Edit: Google Drive Link! :)

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I don’t even know what to really talk about because I liked everything?? it was such a good episode and I just... AHHH. I wish we had so much more of THIS. please give them more seasons.... ik its already too late for that but pleaseee fidusdj- they just... do so well when they adapt imo. the whole comparison panels I’ve seen of the interactions with Norman, I just... genuinely think it’s such a highpoint and they did so friggin well.

I just... I’m so sad this will likely be the last season. I hope we’ll get more, in whatever form. I know there’s the manga and unless we get an announcement about more anime content at light speed, I do plan on reading it! I just... I love the anime. And it’s art. The manga’s art is unique but the style isn’t my jam and some stuff just looks a bit too stylized for my liking hhhh-

That won’t stop me but... it does make me emotional, I guess.

Let’s hope they stay on this path now that they’ve joined back in with the manga, somewhat (still, you couldnt even give them 12 episodes??).

.

. the reunion

It gave me flutters!! it’s so nice and intimate and sweet and dusdhj- THE NORMAN SQUISH. And him noticing Emma’s ear is gone TvT Her sweet, kinda embarrassed “I left it back at home” efiojsd

also the clothing line here separates the two groups, alluding to the conflict between them later in the episode. They’re strangers on two sides, and Norman is the only connecting piece.

I didn’t really dislike anything aside from Ray being left out. I just wanted them both to run for him I guess :( though it makes sense to be more distant, he also was at the shipment itself but idk, it just makes Norman seem so,,, rude that he doesn’t acknowledge Ray at all until Emma is like “hey btw I brought him too” :”D

Slap kinda deserved, on multiple fronts haha-

Though the mutual “baka” calling between Norman and Ray was adorable duihdasjdas

.

. Emma’s arc

a few days ago, I made that whole “anime emma’s arc” post about her feeling useless and how that might come into play - and I do hope they address it and I think they kind of are? Because GF arc Emma was always ready to have her way, even if it seemed impossible.

Either way, I feel like part of why she didn’t speak up is kind of as alluded to, that she doesn’t feel like she has the right to when she doesn’t know any other way right now. And I hope that in the next few episode we will see her headstrong and do things and be pro-active and kind of challenge that and Norman.

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. Norman (+ his crew)

It was kind of on the nose when Norman held that whole speech about what she had said before, a small hint to it would have been enough I feel like, for the audience -- because I think realizing that part of his motivation in all of this was just her words and that he wanted to do that for her (I think that’s the implication) is really sweet. He is kind of the carrier here and I hope that will change because it feels like we haven’t earned this bio weapon at all - which is okay, because it probably won’t be the solution, so it’s more of a plot-moving element than an actual solution. And I hope that whatever the solution really does entail will feel less like an ass-pull and more deserved.

I feel it may have been interesting to have a pov switch somewhere in ep4 or ep5 to Norman and what he’s been up to. The reveal was kind of “...? okay?” anyway so I feel like that would have made things a little interesting, but I also really enjoy getting to know his squad now.

I’m also HIGHKEY SUS (all alarm bells are ringing) at Norman being like “Oh I just did tests” like.... BABY. PRECIOUS SON, ARE YOU PRETENDING EVERYTHING’S FINE AGAIN?

The fact that Norman didn’t bother explaining further just solidifies (to me, anyway) that he’s avoiding talking about it somewhat. He spoke about it very distantly and from an objective viewpoint.

Alone getting that tattoo on his chest must have hurt a lot. So. Please, give me a lot of angst, CW.

I hope both him and his crew will get some flashbacks or trauma moments to really solidify how badly they’ve been treated (and deliver some juicy angst).

I really loved the close-up on the meat Barbara was eating in that scene too. I felt like it didn't even have to spell it out for us that they're eating demon meat but. Oh well - it was well conveyed but I guess the characters had to confirm.

I also love that whole part about how he’s always cold to them auidhjhs - I really do feel like making a gif out of that haha.

Lambda person: “Boss?” Norman: “What? :/” Emma/Ray: “Norman!” Norman: “Yes? :)”

Also only vaguely related but what’s with people who are made to be eaten, in a state of “dead??? who knows” and then coming back as a “boss” :D Yes I’m talking about beastars.

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. Mujika

Norman called her the “evil-blooded girl” and the old guy called the temple “evil-blooded” too. And he said it wasn’t a place for kids to be --- and he likely assumed that they were demon kids.

Also some nice clue before we even know to connect Mujika with the temple.

A demon temple that’s “evil-blooded” and too dangerous for demon kids?

It could just be because it’s a ruin, but he IS praying for the world to change there. Mujika seems to be able to maintain her form without eating humans, so maybe that’s what this is all aiming towards.

I guess it also means that the statue with the violet veil is Mujika??? She does have purple hair I suppose.

At first, I was surprised that Norman recognized her just by the description - there’s more than one demon girl :D but I guess only one demon girl who doesn’t need to eat humans? - and I thought he may have crossed paths with her.

But for that to be the case AND for him to assume she’s alive because Emma and Ray have met her, it can’t mean he actually MET her. Because well, RayEm met her like 2 months after his shipment. Assuming he didn’t break out immediately, he couldn’t have met AND tried to do something to her (likely kill). So my guess is that she’s some sort of legend or diety or just like, commonly known and she’s supposedly dead and he’s shocked because she isn’t.

He also first asked “where did you hear about that?” assuming he also only heard about it. Norman's reaction to them having met them also isn't "when?" (so he could confirm if it was after or before his supposed encounter with her), it's shock that they met her AT ALL. Which to me, implies that she's supposedly dead (which lines up with the temple in ruin, so something happened to her line, or whatever she's a part of). And since Norman couldn't have met her before their escape (Mujika hasn't seen a human when they meet the GF escapees), that's my conclusion.

Assuming she’s dead also makes sense since her (religion’s) temples seem to be in ruin. maybe that’s why no other demons seem to have that ability (that we know of), because it was lost when her presence was destroyed (therefore the ruins) or something of the sort.

She’s never seen a human before apparantly though, so I’m not sure what exactly that means. She doesn’t seem to have wanted freedom for humans prior to meeting them either (she only seemed hesitant about eating them after all that), so I’m not sure what her own motivation in having that sort of religion would even be.

There’s of course also sonju, so maybe it is after all a religion-thing? Who knows-

.

As I’ve talked about before, I think it makes a lot of sense if the demons are part of the solution, I’m just really curious what that solution actually entails for the demons / what exactly Mujika is. I still think it’s plausible that another promise between Mujika and Emma will happen, considering the narrative mirroring TPN does a lot.

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. other random stuff

there’s mass production farms! I shouldn’t be surprised, but I hope we get to know more about those (likely not since yknow 5 episodes left and all that)

I also liked how they showed the different plants while talking about it, mirroring how we too mutated plants and some animals to further benefit our needs and exploitation...

The pep talk from Ray was good and the sunrise was SO BEAUTIFUL, TAKE ME NOW ANIMATORS

generally the animation, especially in the trio scene and the lambda squad hideout scenes, was so BEAUTIFUL

I liked that I kept joking about how the WM system was rly insecure if a random guy just dropped the pen for Krone to find, but NOW WE HAVE CONFIRMATION IT WAS INTENTIONAL and Smee is truly the MVP / big brain puppet master of this series.

It did seem kind of weird that Norman just left like "yeah this will probably be discovered soon. anyway, I'm leaving you here to go to my base, see ya" - LIKE BRO TAKE THEM WITH YOU SO YOU CAN PROTECT THEM IF THEY SHOW UP LIKE, TONIGHT

[kookiepredictions]

Why Jungkook’s future spouse will fall in love with him

Broadly it’s the same as Jungkook’s reasons— the twinflame connection brings them together in a way that she can’t help loving him, even though she might have tried not to. But just so this post is not a reiteration of the previous one, I’ll be more specific.

Most of her life, people saw her as some sort of a trophy partner, and not much effort was made to understand who she really was inside. It’s not so much that the other men mistreated her, it’s just that they didn’t know how to treat her. She has been loved, but only in parts and pieces. Which, when awakening to a new perspective of life and love, didn’t seem like love to her. It seemed too conditional to be love. And it’s not just her own relationships, just relationships in general as she saw around her, whether it be her friends’ or strangers’ never fulfilled her own idea of love or relationships. She saw less of love and more of convenience-based asset-exchange. Deals that were made and broken, instead of promises that should be made and kept. Somewhere along her awakening, she formed this really lofty idealistic concept of love and she was keenly aware that it could be an unrealistic dream. Not only was the “love” unrealistic, the problem that came even before that was, to make that dream a reality, she had to first meet someone who also wanted the same thing in love and relationships. And her previous acquaintances didn’t make her feel hopeful about finding someone like that. She also might be a little headstrong with the type of “I’d rather be alone all my life than end up in a wrong relationship with the wrong man” attitude. It was not that the men were “wrong” per se, it was just that they didn’t have the same mindset as hers which is why even though there might have been other common interests and such, it was never whole/ complete. In a previous relationship or connection, she has had to dim down parts of herself to adjust and adapt in it, because they were in some way, “too much” or straight up “useless” to the other person because they just didn’t know what to do with it. One main example is her spirituality. Twinflames are spiritually inclined right from their childhood, even though they’re mostly not conscious about it. It’s just that they have that aspect, that intuitively guided thought process and behavioural pattern to them. In her previous relationships, this was considered an unnecessary thing, an inconvenience even. She was too “different” for her own good. For those partners it was like, it was enough for her to be an arm candy, why does she have to be so analytical, philosophical and idealistic? As she worked on her self confidence and grew more assertive in life, this was seen as an attractive quality— “finally someone with the face and the brains”— but it was still something most people didn’t know what to do with. This is another reason why dating didn’t appeal to her because it lacked the spiritual depth, and although she didn’t know this was what was missing from her life, she was never satisfied with the outer, surface-level dating activities where there was no soul connection. She was probably in a state of acceptance of “I’m going to die alone” idea lol when she first meets Jungkook.

One thing to mention here is that she was not treated right by her past connections not because it was their fault; the main reason was that she didn’t know how to be treated. She knew what she didn’t want in a relationship but she didn’t know exactly what she wanted. And that’s because she didn’t fully know herself either. Jungkook comes into her life and completely transforms the way she sees herself. He serves as the quintessential twinflame mirror for her and all those hidden parts of herself were revealed to her. With Jungkook, she doesn’t feel like she has to become someone else. Although it happens slowly and gradually, she feels more and more vulnerable with him in a way that she could never be with anyone else before. And in fact, in a way that she didn’t even think would be possible since earlier for her, relationships meant adjusting by partially hiding yourself. With Jungkook she doesn’t feel like she has to do that because somehow for him, ALL of her personality is very appealing to him. He’s just interested in everything about her. She can say what she really wants to say and he is eager to listen to it. None of her parts are useless, everything is attractive to him. He’s her biggest cheerleader lol. She could do the smallest thing and he will hype her up like she won the Nobel or something lol. And it all happens because Jungkook really sees her as she is. It’s that habit of his to dig deeper and deeper. He is SO interested to understand her, it’s a very pleasant surprise to her. He doesn’t judge her only for her outer attributes, he likes her for who she is inside— her thoughts, words, feelings— these are the main reasons why he loves her. He’s not like, “okay this is what you look like, this is what your body looks like, done, I’m in love, I don’t need to know anymore”. It’s not like that. He’s really interested in HER— it’s something she had always wanted but almost given up on. Jungkook just comes in and does the very thing that she expected a true partner to do. And the best part about this is that he doesn’t even have to force himself to do it— it’s just who he naturally is— his natural habit of trying to understand people deeply and then treating them accordingly (also discussed in his Personality reading). This is important because if you forcefully do something, say, to win someone over, but is not a part of your natural personality, it doesn’t last long, and eventually you’ll stop doing it, and then the other person feels like you’ve changed, but you haven’t changed, you just weren’t being true to yourself in the first place. (Relationship tip lol: Be yourself right from the start. Put exactly who you are on the table, and let them decide based upon it. It makes a relationship easier and long lasting).

Jungkook sort of just allows her to be— it’s a comfortable space to be in. It’s like how women in the Victorian era must have felt after they took off their corsets lol. And because of this, she learns to value herself and stand up for who she is and what she wants. Funnily though, this means that she might also sometimes stand up against Jungkook when their principles clash, but that’s not with the intention of causing arguments, it’s just that now she values herself too much to doubt herself, and if the person opposite to her is Jungkook himself, she must still stand up for herself, because that’s what Jungkook and this connection has motivated her to do, whether or not it was intended that way. Jungkook is like the last and most important puzzle piece in her spiritual growth. Whatever she had been experiencing in all those years, she now KNOWS what she was and is experiencing. She can articulate her experiences, feelings and ideas from a very definitive point of awareness and knowledge. He is literally the main reason she goes from being an ordinary girl to a divine feminine who knows what she wants, why she wants it, and how to go after it. So many things are said about DFs’ roles in awakening the DMs, but not enough is said about how much of an impact DMs have over their DFs. DFs can sometimes tend to get caught up in their heads with all the frou frou spiritual stuff, but since DMs lead in the physical world or the 3D, they keep the connection and their DFs grounded and play such an important role in manifesting the connection from the spiritual realm to the physical. They have so much love for their DFs they almost form this cocoon of love around them all the time, which again, like discussed in the previous post, makes the DFs feel like they are not all alone in what they’re doing. Jungkook makes her feel so loved and so beautiful, and it’s even better because she knows that it’s not just in a superficial way, rather for who she is in her entirety. In fact, he could care less about what she has to offer. She’s not naive, definitely not after she has found awareness, she knows exactly why people value her and why they want her in their lives. She might not be perfect but she knows what she brings to the table, and she knows that it’s a lot more than what most people are capable of giving. She doesn’t mind giving, as she believes people are born not to take but to give, but it’s the sense of entitlement and the obligatory responsibility that is pushed upon her that turns her off. Jungkook, being her twinflame, is that one person who doesn’t look at her as that kind of an asset. He’s not perfect lol he has his moments of struggle, but at the core, all he really wants is just a companion who understands him, nothing more nothing less. Instead, while most people would extend this energy of “what can you give to me?” Jungkook extends this energy of “what can I give to you?” It’s like how all of Rapunzel’s value was in her hair, but Eugene cuts it off to protect her because in his eyes, her value was in who she was as a person, and all he ever wanted to do was to love and protect her.

Even with speed bumps and potholes, Jungkook’s idea of love matches with his twinflame’s idea of love. There is a sense of innocence and purity with which he loves her. He hardly questions it and even in his most frustrated, weak moments, when he does question it, he’s not very good at it. He’s so much better at loving lol. He’s a true divine masculine to the divine feminine that she becomes. You know, most people do know what real love is, but when that ego comes in between, most people cave. It takes someone really strong to want to fight their own ego blockages and limitations to make that real, ideal love happen, and Jungkook is definitely one of them. He struggles SO much in the connection, it makes me sad often because it is difficult for anyone, but 22/ 23 is too young an age for a super busy K Pop idol to be in a connection as confusing and intense as this, and he definitely has all the reasons and ways out of it. But I don’t know what ultimately gives him the strength to want to work on this, to not let it go. I know a TF connection is not easy to let go of either, and I know he’s wanted out of it, and has tried often, as has his DF, but I just had to say it because we see him smiling for the press and photo ops and it’s just sometimes so hard to believe that that same person is going through all of this. Although, I would say that he does make it harder for himself due to his own stubbornness but again, that’s a post for another day :)

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @sailenceworld

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are the moon, the sun and pluto. you definitely have an artistic talent, or at least you love art of any kind, from music to poetry. you love learning, exploring new topics and your surroundings, you fancy travelling and you are particularly clever and open-minded. you may be attracted to darker topics as well, such as true crime or the occult, you probably love thrillers and horror stories. you're also quite sensitive, therefore it's common for you to feel hurt or insecure.

your dominant sign is cancer. you seek emotional security in life. you need to feel grounded, you're most likely extremely cautious about the decisions you make. you're also very sensitive and compassionate of others, even though you could get slightly passive from time to time.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in aquarius, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by uranus and mercury

you have a very unusual, yet striking charisma to you. people notice you because you look different, interesting. you probably have an alternative style, or at least you don't like following trends. you prefer making your own. you are very independent and open-minded, you hardly ever judge someone from its appearance, for example. you are fond of friendship, it's most likely more important than love for you, but at the same time you're more of a loner. you'd rather spend the day in watching your favourite show on the couch than going out and partying. your self-esteem most probably fluctuates a lot: some days you're very confident, especially in your skills / abilities, and maybe as well in your appearance. other days, though, you start feeling pretty insecure. you're very unpredictable, not only from this point of view, but in your life in general. you're probably extremely indecisive, especially with your sun being in the sign of gemini, and you may change your mind often. yet, once you make your decision, no one can convince you into changing your mind, you're extremely stubborn in this case. in addition, because of this behaviour of yours, you could possibly even come off as a know-it-all from time to time. deep down, you're really not. you strive for freedom, you don't want to force others into thinking the same way as you do when it comes to shallow opinions. your life philosophy is most likely 'live and let live', everyone is free to do what they want for you. on the other hand, you're most likely an amazing friend, as you know what it means to support and help an individual or a group. you're an ideal leader, basically. your first impression of you may be that you look slightly unapproachable and cold, but it's not entirely true. in fact, you hide a lot of emotions that you'd rather not show to the world. physically, you may have amazing, thick hair, like your sister sign leo after all. you may as well be naturally skinny or petite, and you could also have long limbs.

aquarius ascendant square scorpio pluto: you're aware that the world is too nasty for your honesty, hence you may have trust issues. even though you are friendly, you're very picky about who you decide to actually call your friend. you may constantly feel lonely, as if no one were willing to listen and understand you. you live with the fear that others may take advantage of you, hence you end up doing it yourself, unconsciously. you may be controlling, but your chart hints that it's not too much of a big deal. you may have the tendency to do it sometimes, but it's mostly a bad trait of your past life. the universe is testing you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. you have all the skills to avoid this type of behaviour now that you're aware of it.

🌞 sun in gemini, 1° / 1st decan ruled by gemini

with your sun in the mutable sign of gemini, you are a very light-hearted, chill individual. you're very bright and bubbly, you have amazing communication skills and also an entertaining sense of humor that is able to light up the room. you're very sociable, you like interacting with others, and with your heavy gemini energy in the rest of your chart, you don't find it hard to let this side of you out, especially with people you feel comfortable with. since gemini is a mutable sign, you most likely have tons of interests and hobbies, they're so many that you find it hard to keep up with all of them, despite being extremely good at multi-tasking. in fact, you're particularly intelligent and thirsty for knowledge. you like learning about everything, you love looking and being smart. it's your way to feel empowered and proud of yourself. you always need freshness in your daily life, you cannot stand boredom. because of that, you may often change your ideas, your hobbies, your favourite singer, etc. sometimes, you could even apply this to friends and lovers, and people may consider you unloyal or not much serious because of that. in addition, you get easily very anxious and stressed, to the point that you may seem dramatic to others.

🌙 moon in cancer, 12° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon and pluto

with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the mom friend of your group. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing mother. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.

cancer moon conjunct cancer venus: you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. this placement makes you crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. this placement, paired with your imaginative aquarius energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener.

cancer moon square aries jupiter: you enjoy making different experiences and living your life to the fullest, making you also a risk-taker. you may lack self-control. with this trait you get bored easily, and you may have a reputation for being flaky. you tend to overindulge; you may spend too much money, or even develop eating disorders like binge-eating. at least, you're able to build your life again and have a fresh start, but you risk to get stuck in this cycle. you have the potential to master different talents, but you may struggle to develop them due to this placement. you're a procrastinator, and you find it hard to focus on more things at the same time. you may also attract people with different beliefs and ideas from you, causing you to fall out with them easily. there are also positive sides to this placement, though! you're probably naturally lucky, even though luck may not always be by your side. you have a nice sense of humor, making you more likeable to contrast your aquarius rising.

cancer moon square aries saturn: you most probably felt misunderstood during your childhood, as if everyone were cold with you. maybe your mother (or anyone in your family/childhood) was emotionally absent or even aggressive, hence you didn't grow up in a completely healthy environment. this issue causes you to question your worth; you may have low self-esteem, especially during your early years. your family may have big expectations of you, and hence you feel the need to meet them, making you even more pressured to be perfect. overall, your personality may resemble that of your parents a lot, even though it may feel challenging for you. you're constantly strict with yourself, challenging yourself to improve. especially with your moon being in leo, you always want to be at your best state, physically but also emotionally. you just want to radiate good vibes, even though you may feel limitated to share all of your true self due to saturn making harsh aspects.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 23° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

gemini mercury square libra mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. as a result, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too, even though it may happen in a more passive way. even though you’re quite controversial for the way you speak, you’re still very sensitive to others’ words. your self-esteem tends to find its base mostly on others’ opinion about you, and you always look for reassurance from your loved ones. to deal with this hard aspect, you need to think before you speak. if you have troubles understanding others’ feelings, just think about how you’d love to be treated. patience will just come naturally to you.

❤️ venus in cancer, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon

when it comes to love, you're extremely affectionate. you need someone who connects to you emotionally, it matters way more than physical attraction. in a partner you look at their manners, not at their appearance, and hence you're probably not the type to fall in love at first sight. you most likely dream of building a family with your future spouse, you want to be a parent not only to your child but also to your spouse. you like nurturing others, you may be attracted to younger or even immature people that need to be 'saved' by someone to become mature, or perhaps you're the one who craves to be nurtured in a relationship. you probably love being called 'baby', 'honey', 'sweetheart'... this type of names that you find extremely sweet. you may also get clingy at times, as you're most likely very fond of pda and skinship as well. the downside to this placement is that cancer brings sensitivity to whatever placement occupies. that means that you get extremely sensitive when it comes to love, and hence you may be the type to get extremely sad, even depressed, after a break-up, or perhaps you could start caring more about your partner's feelings than yours, becoming quite accommodating, so beware of that now that you know it. don't forget to keep your individuality safe.

cancer venus square aries saturn: you feel unable to love someone. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. you may be too cold in relationships, it could be that you have troubles showing your love and affection for others. or perhaps, you're afraid of being in a relationship, and hence you may directly avoid them or break-up all of a sudden. you could literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. because of this, with this placement marriage is usually delayed. it could be hard for you to find your true love, but it'll surely come. you could possibly date people more dominant / older than you, and I'd recommend you to get married after your saturn return, which is around your 27/28s. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

☄️ mars in libra, 1° / 1st decan ruled by venus

there’s this stereotype that libra mars people are passive-aggressive. it may be true, but only partially. in fact, you try to avoid conflicts exclusively when you’re in public, or maybe with someone you don’t know well. in that case, you can eventually try to avoid the problem. with people you’re close to, you’re pretty much the opposite. you may say the worst things that you probably don’t even mean, you may even have the istinct to throw hands. you’re driven by a strong sense of justice, and you probably were the class’ snitch during daycare/primary school. you also strive for equality, hence you may get very defensive when it comes to proving your innocence, or just really anyone’s. overall, you’re a fair person with strong morals, who acts based on the situation you’re in.

libra mars opposite aries jupiter: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. you say things impulsively, and sometimes you’re too blunt and hurt people’s feelings. you don’t do it on purpose, though, there’s no malice behind your acts; it’s just your natural way to express your opinions. you’re also very competitive, and this may make you look selfish. on a positive side, you probably have a naturally nice body (or maybe you react fast to diet/workout). you’re a risk-taker, and if you’re not you should try breaking the rules sometimes (obviously not doing illegal stuff lol). in fact, it’s when you’re both physically and mentally active that you’re able to come up with even better ideas, as you’re full of creativity. to cope with this placement, you can try doing something fun to challenge your mind, basically get out of your comfort-zone. of course you don’t have to overdo it, but it would be beneficial.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in aquarius. you’re very electric and noticeable, you probably appear as someone quite edgy too. it’s hard for you to blend into society, and hence you may end up not having many close friends, especially during your early years. in fact, you may find yourself befriending people with your same interests, it’s very important for you. you may have frequent mood swings, and you could get nervous quite easily. you probably despise authority, in fact you’re quite reckless yourself, but in life you need to understand that it is often necessary for the world. you have big goals for your future, you may even want to be famous. they’re basically the centre of your life, it revolves around your goals and achievements. you’re naturally charismatic, you may have lots of friends or at least it’s easy for you to get known in your community. you may also be very attached to your friends, you could have a very long-lasting, almost family-like bond with them.

your 2nd house is in pisces, with also jupiter and saturn placed there. your relationship with money may not be totally stable; you may get distracted easily, and you could lose your money around. you could be quite messy, overall, or in general, this is usually a placement that indicates sudden money loss. this placement also confirms that your self-esteem isn’t stable either; you could be quite insecure, and you may idealize a lot the way you look. for example, you could think that you have an ugly nose when it’s actually the opposite. same goes for your belongings; you may think that you have saved loads of money, you spend them, and then you realize you didn’t really have much. you could increase your self-esteem through spiritual outlets. for example, getting to know more about your soul purpose, or even about your birth chart, can literally boost your sense of worth. perhaps, even through charity work, or even by helping the world in general. you could also make money from yoga, meditation and spirituality in general. your jupiter and saturn being both here probably made your early years quite hard to endure; you probably lacked money and/or self-esteem, but this is getting automatically better as time goes by.

your 3rd house is in aries. when you communicate, you take a lot of pride in your opinions. you hate admitting that you’re wrong, especially since you’re a perfectionist. you could be quite impulsive, and you may speak with a naturally loud tone of voice. you’re extremely good at coming up with plans easily, even though you may have troubles sticking to them, as your fiery nature gets easily bored. you are very artistic and creative! you’re able to convey different emotions through your speech, hence you could do well as an actress/voice actress. you could also be good at drawing, or at least you have great potential to be a nice artist, as your emotions and creativity are directly connected to your intellect and words. hence, you could also be a writer, especially a poet.

your 4th house is in taurus. your gemini sun is also sitting in this house. your childhood probably was a bit turbulent, especially for those topics I talked about in the moon section. it was mosty peaceful, and you probably were able to express your creativity but maybe your parents were a bit strict or over-protective, possibly materialistic too. they were focused on work, therefore you didn't get to spend that much time with them, you're not as close with them as other daughters. still, you're very family-oriented, and you're determined to build your own future home with your spouse and possibly children.

your 5th house is in gemini. the moon and mercury are also sitting here. you feel able to express yourself and your creativity through communication and media. probably, when you were a child you used to love puzzles. your have tons of hobbies, and they are all quite different from each other. they have the goal to stimulate your mind in some way, so for example if you read a book, it has to be about something interesting for you, that allows you to open your mind and also that teaches you something. to recharge yourself, relax and fun are essential for your wellness. if you don’t dedicate some time in your daily routine to nurturing your hobbies, or even just watching a tv show or hanging out with your friends, you don’t function correctly. because of that, I’d suggest you to pursue a career that involves your passions. so for example, if you like taking pictures you could become a photographer.

your 6th house is in cancer. you may find yourself often having diseases around the stomach, breast area. your periods may be quite painful, too. this placement also indicates that there might be someone in your family that works in the health field, hence there could be a surgeon, a nurse, a therapist, a nutriotionist, a vet, etc. you may choose a career that allows you to work from home as well, or perhaps you may work with children, families or houses in general. venus is also placed in this house: in your group of friends you’re most probably the late bloomer. in fact, it probably took you a while to experience romance. that’s because love isn’t your priority, even though you crave emotional affection and security. you’re not the type to fall for someone at first sight, you’re only into people that are willing to commit to you. you seek a partner that is hard-working and takes care of themselves, both physically and mentally but, at the same time, that would only look at you. it could take you some time to feel totally comfortable around your partner, but once you trust them, you’ll stay with them for a while. it’s hard for you to show your love with words, hence you do it with little gestures. you probably remember stuff like their birthday, their favorite food etc. this placement also indicates that you may meet your future spouse through your job, or at least you get to date your co-workers often.

your 7th house is in leo. in love, you crave attention and being spoiled with care. in a partner, you’re extremely picky; you care about everything, from personality to looks. yet, this is another placement that indicates that you’re particularly loyal and protective. you want to be the centre of your partner’s attention, they must only dedicate their heart to you. ironically, you tend to attract quite selfish, self-centered people who want to be in the spotlight just like you. on the other hand, if you’re patient enough to satisfy their needs, they’ll be extremely supportive, loyal and affectionate with you. plus, I have a feeling that your future spouse is probably a soulmate of yours. that means that you’ve already met each other in another life.

your 8th house is in virgo, with also mars sitting there. you use a practical approach when it comes to intimacy, you may struggle to let go around others, it gives you major trust issues. you’re extremely secretive, you hardly ever talk about yourself, and you may even despise being too exposed. you’d rather stay by yourself, in fact you have a very mysterious vibe to your aura. also, with virgo in the 8th house, you may feel so tied to a schedule, to a plan, that you lack flexibility. you're too logical, even though deep down you have this intuition that you can't fully express. on the other hand, while this makes it hard for you to get closer to your spiritual, higher self, you're extra good at handling situations here on the earth. for example, you may handle money very well if you're well-organized. transformation in your life happens when you're able to stimulate your logical mind to earn awareness of your problems. to make it simple, you may often not realize your mistakes yourself, others have to let you notice, but thanks to your heavy mercurian energy in your chart you're able to solve your problems by your own. you’re an extremely goal-oriented person. you want to be the best at everything you do, not only to be better than others but also the best for yourself. you’re very astute, it’s impossible to trick you, and you always find a way to be in charge and get what you want. yet, you can get quite obsessed about your goals, that you could do extreme things to get what you want. in fact, people with this placement can even manipulate others, as they’re totally capable of doing that. in addition, your rising being in sagittarius makes you extremely charming. people are naturally attracted to you, you have a way with words, and hence you’re always able to convince others into giving you what you want.

your 9th house is in libra. pluto is also sitting in this house. your beliefs and life philosophies were shaped by the outside world. that doesn’t mean you’re basic; you just don’t look enough in yourself, you prefer taking inspiration from others. e.g, if you see everyone wearing pink, then you start wearing pink too. there’s nothing wrong with that of course, especially if it’s about shallow matters, not like politics for example. yet, if you don’t, try to find out your sincere opinion in yourself. in fact, when you realize that you don’t feel attached to a certain topic or opinion, you just leave it behind and seek other truth. you hate being told what to do, you want to be free in the decisions you make.

your 10th house is in scorpio. you may have a reputation for looking mysterious, as you’re probably not very sociable. you’re extremely motivated to achieve your goals, even though you may feel lost and confused due to your retrograde pluto. you’ll pursue a career that involves looking for the truth, hence you may be a detective, a scientist, a poet etc. overall, once you find your true vocation, you’ll have no problems working, even though it may take you a while to find the right job for you due to your midheaven being in scorpio. the ruler of the 10th house is in the 9th house: you may work abroad, as I’ve already mentioned before. you could as well have to deal with foreigners often, or perhaps you could become a professor. you may also pursue a career that involves travels, and in general you could have to travel a lot for work.

your 11th house is in sagittarius, with also your neptune placed there. your friends may be very open-minded, and you might have met them in school. they could also come from a different cultural background, or maybe they’re directly from abroad. at first, you struggled to make friends, as you were very secretive. with time, you’re learning to trust people and to transform and grow up through them. overall, you find yourself at ease when you’re with them, you’re particularly fond of your friendships as they play a big role in your growth and fortune. again, your friends may also be a part of your group of soulmates. you have a very strong, intense bond with each other, even though they’re probably not many.

your 12th house is in capricorn, with also uranus placed there. I feel like you’re an extremely spiritual person! you may be able to have prophetic dreams, talk to spirits, read tarots or birth charts… anything that has to do with your higher self and world. yet, due to saturn, I assume it could be hard for you to fully embrace these skills of yours. in fact, you may be a bit too pragmatic to embrace your spirituality. I think you’re already working this out since you’ve booked an astrology reading to discover more about yourself, but remember that you should definitely try to get more in touch with your soul! even doing simple stretching, meditation or yoga can help give you some space to think about your identity, your wants and your needs. the 12th house is also the house of fears, and since its cusp falls in capricorn, you may be afriad of authority, like the police for example, or anything that appears to be much bigger and more supported than you. it may also manifest in fear of not being organized, and also fear of money / success loss.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract leo, gemini, virgo, scorpio, capricorn and cancer. your future spouse will most likely have capricorn and / or cancer traits or placements in their chart. they’ll be very similiar to you: lowkey passive, but extremely emotionally intelligent with strong devotion for their family. possibly, you may end up being the more dominant figure in the relationship / house. your children will most likely have gemini, virgo, cancer or pisces placements in their chart; they’ll be particularly witty and intelligent, but also very emotionally and artistically active.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was a caring person, even though she could’ve been a bit too protective and/or materialistic. she was also quite impulsive, and she probably hurt people easily even if she didn't mean to, as she was very straightforward. she’s probably a taurus or a libra, possibly even a leo, sagittarius or scorpio, or she has at least some placements in those signs. your father is a bit more chill than your mother, but he may get jealous easily. or maybe, it was your mother who did your father’s 'role’. hence, she was the dominant figure in your family. he’s probably a scorpio or any other water or earth sign. if you have siblings, they’re probably aries or scorpio. you might fight a lot for control, especially during childhood. you’re also quite possessive of your things, but overall you also have a deep bond. even though you may argue quite a bit, you still have affection for each other.

📊 career

I imagine that you would do best at a career that involves healing, teaching... I can see you doing well in the medical field, for example. especially as a nurse, where you mostly interact with patients. you may also work for associations like the onu, where you're surrounded by people from all over the world. hence, you get in touch with different cultures that can help you opening your mind. you want a wealthy job, where you can be your own leader and use your imagination. I can also picture you doing some sort of online job, you could become an influencer for example or you may be known online for your talents. as I've already said before, you have probably a creative talent to you that could make you quite successful. overall, you want a job where you don't really have to depend on others. actually, you probably strive to be your own boss.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

your style is most likely very androgynous, you wear pieces of clothing that are literally suitable for everyone. you probably prefer wearing oversized fits rather than tight clothes, and you're also fond of sweatshirts, big cardigans or jackets, oversized t-shirts... anything that feels very comfortable, but that still has some feminine, classy energy to it. you may like softer, natural shades of colours like white, beige, black, etc. in your clothes, and you could also enjoy prints and graphics on them. you may also be attracted to vintage fashion.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were a very spiritual individual. you were close to your higher self, and you probably were able to talk to ghosts, you used to interpret your dreams and you most likely were also interested in astrology and other occult matters. in this lifetime, you need to put your spirituality aside for a while, and focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you can still use spirituality to find out, but your priority is learning your karmic lessons regarding your self-esteem and work. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having an organized schedule, which allows you to balance both your hobbies and work.

🤔 major transits analysis / october 5th

mercury retrograde in libra is currently transiting your 8th house, exactly conjunct your natal mars in libra. this could definitely be a challenging time for you, you could be feeling particularly sensitive and irritable in these days. you could fight with others easily, it's hard for you to feel satisfied and you doubt yourself. you feel as if no one understands you, and as a result you could tend to isolate yourself. luckily, mercury will soon move away from your mars, therefore just try to be patient and trust the ones you love.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

you’re very in contact with your spirituality, making you more sensitive to higher affirmations. you have the ability to visualize what you want. that’s the key to activate the loa: travel with your fantasy, and visualize what you desire. do you want a new car? imagine yourself doing road-trips on that car. a new phone? visualize yourself making calls with that phone. you can even literally create a story involving those topics and it will come true. you can also help yourself by writing and listening to your own affirmations, maybe covered up by some music. in this way, you'll develop a more optimistic mindset and you'll be able to attract more positivity in your life. you just have to believe in your power!

and this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

-libramc xx

[purplesurveys]

1292

survey by emptyspaces

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) The one I’m aware of, my paternal grandparents. They’ve married for over 50 years, I believe; but idk, maybe we have other elderly relatives out there? maybe? who’ve been married for longer than that.

Do you have any Eastern European ancestry? None at all.

Where is your car parked right now? It’s in our carport along with the bigger family car.

When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? I mean I drove myself yesterday morning to go to Glorietta for a work thing (and to shop, hehe), but as for vacations...I’ve never really gone on any by myself.

Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Kind of a thing in Asia, so...yes. Otherwise I’d get an earful from my mom.

What's your favorite movie series? Not a big fan of movies that go longer than one part unless they’re adaptations of a book series. Anyway, I’ll give the only exception to Toy Story.

How are you feeling today? I’m ok. I’m well-rested, I’m glad it’s the weekend and I’m relieved that the PR launch we have been planning for and losing sleep over this entire month finally took place yesterday, so we can finally fucking relax and take a break from giving a shit. I’ve been buying my food cravings nonstop since yesterday too (tuna sashimi, KFC’s Double Down, and Cinnabon’s chocolate rolls) so it’s safe to say I’ve been feeling content over the last 24 hours.

Look to the right - what's the first thing you see? The new bucket hat I bought yesterday.

^^ What does that thing remind you of? I had written the press release for the apparel line the bucket hat is under, so it just reminds me of my work hahahaha.

What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I’ve never dyed it before.

What is something that's considered a luxury, but you wouldn't want to live without? An iPhone. I wouldn’t last a day with any other brand.

Do you want to move anytime soon? It’s a nice big step for sure, but I’m not in a hurry to do it.

Did you have coffee this morning? Not this morning, but I have a cup of it right next to me at the moment. It’s currently 12:50 PM.

How good/bad was the quality of education you received in high school? I mean it was nothing exceptional, but I’d say it was still worth the tuition we paid every year. There were like 1 or 2 life-changing teachers, maybe around 70% of teachers who taught well enough to have it reflected in my grades, and the remaining 30% who were practically useless.

What was the most interesting year of your life, and why? I’d say this year has been pretty crazy, and fortunately mostly in a good way. I finally found my groove in the (virtual) workplace; met new friends; got to move on from a broken relationship I thought I’d never get over; got into K-pop????? So yeah nothing like how I expected 2021 to turn out.

What was the first social media site you ever used? In what is surprising even to me, Myspace. Nobody used Myspace here since they were all on Friendster, so it still baffles me why I chose to make a Myspace knowing full well I won’t know anyone on there lol.

Do you have any exes you really regret dating? I regret a lot of parts from the relationship, like the way we argued, how long we let the relationship last in general, etc. But I don’t regret the idea of dating her.

What brand of laundry detergent do you use? Not sure but I think my mom uses Tide.

Are you prone to mood swings? Yeah, but they’re not as bad or as rapid as they used to be. My moods slowly evolve within a certain span of time now, unlike before where I can switch from happy to pissed like a switch.

Have you ever lied on a resume? Or even in a job interview? No, I hate lying especially when it involves things that hold a lot of weight.

Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? My mom’s sister-in-law...and honestly, ours hahaha. Chelsea has a nice home as well.

What was the last thing you bought, other than food? A bucket hat.

Do you smoke? Or vape? I vape.

What are you dreading right now? The possibility of the internet fucking up for tomorrow’s online concert. It would be no problem if I was watching alone, but I’m literally hosting for Angela, Hans, and Reena so it would be super embarrassing if the stream ends up buffering.

What brought about the end of the worst relationship you've been in? Our worst traits showed up at the same time and it just...felt natural for things to come to a head by then. We had been in a so-so position for a few weeks and so when we clashed for the final time, it just helped speed up the end for us.

Where was the last place you spent the night other than your own home? Tagaytay, I think.

Do you have any step- or half-siblings? No.

Have you ever been catcalled? Of course. I live in the Philippines where men are gross.

How old were you when you started scheduling your own doctors appointments? I haven’t scheduled one yet on my own hahahaha.

Have you ever driven across an international border? I’ve been driven across a border (traveling from Singapore to Malaysia), but I haven’t done so myself. Besides, I live in an archipelago so there’s no way that can happen here.

When was the last time you spoke to a neighbor? This morning when I apologized for Cooper being a big fucking headache for him and his dog.

Is your best friend male or female? Female.

When was the last time you washed your bed sheets? A couple of weeks ago.

What do people always seem to think is weird about you? That I hate fruits.

Ever notice how high schools in movies/tv shows are portrayed way differently than in real life? I dunno. They only ever portray American high schools anyway and I can’t give less of a crap if it’s accurate or not.

Do you ever braid your hair? Well no, because I don’t know how to braid hair haha.

What food sounds the most appetizing right now? Shawarma rice showered in spicy mayo sounds so fucking sexy right now.

[ganymedesclock]

Hungry Knight & Characterizing Ghost

Y’know, it’s interesting, as far into Hollow Knight as I am, and having been aware of Hungry Knight for some time, I haven’t checked it out before very recently. Upon rectifying that, there’s really something interesting in how much of the game is recognizable from this bare bones, two-minute little thing. Obviously there’s a grandiosity and complexity of story that Hollow Knight possesses that Hungry Knight simply couldn’t be of the scale of, but as a sort of primal eggshell the rest of the game hatched out of, it’s very interesting.

The three guardians that are hunted in Hungry Knight are simply boss enemies; they are not given backstory, and hunting them is basically an unambiguously good action. It’s interesting how this progressed to the execution of the Dreamers in Hollow Knight- but what I find illuminating about the Hungry Knight’s journey to its ‘proper’ game sequel is that at its most bare bones, Hungry Knight is a story about Ghost- our Ghost, as we recognize them- who is hailed by Mister Mushroom as the same being, even though he’s sort of breaking the fourth wall to do so and thus Hungry Knight is not in-universe canonical to Ghost’s history- hunting three beings, in order to save the life of a being like themselves.

With many of the major beats of Hollow Knight following an extended, more elaborate imagining of Hungry Knight’s simplistic two-minute plot, I think this characterizes Ghost’s perspective and motives for returning to the kingdom interestingly. 

Another related area of interest to me is that Ghost is very finished compared to everything else in this game that received intense reimagining. Their mainstays remain nail attacks and dashing; the hunger system is a clear predecessor of soul- in essence, Ghost as they are in HK does “hunger” and need to “feed” themselves- it’s just that the timing of such is dependent on the damage they take, rather than time.

However- Ghost also, in Hungry Knight, talks. Not to any NPCs in the game world, because they have no one to speak to- but directly to the player. 

Ghost speaks twice; in the opening card explaining the controls:

I’m a knight. I have something I need to do.

And I’m hungry.

I need to eat every 10 seconds or I will die.

I must search the area carefully.

I must strike swiftly and remorselessly

I must be nimble to avoid danger

I must not fail, whatever happens. I am ready.

And at the end:

Thank you for your help. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Again, given how polished this proto-Ghost is to the finished character in Hollow Knight, I want to take this as an indicator of how Ghost would speak through some kind of proxy around their voicelessness. What follows is basically take-it-or-leave-it headcanon, but going off Hungry Knight as a guideline:

Ghost is very blunt. They contain a bit of the eloquence that perfumes all dialogue in Hollow Knight, really, and they’re not shy of using fancier language, but they express their ideas in very simple words. They seem to think it’s rather important that they are specifically a knight- and this statement exists in absence of them being a knight of or for anything. They do not seem to have an order or affiliation, or- in fact- loyalty to anything in the game world of Hungry Knight except their fallen friend.

They also show a predilection towards imperatives, which is interesting. Outside of the hunger limit which is a factual stating of boundaries, they cite four edicts with rather intense gravity:

Search the area carefully

Strike swiftly and remorselessly 

Be nimble to avoid danger

Do not fail, whatever happens

The existence of these edicts is interesting. The idea of Ghost as someone who internalizes certain things that they take completely seriously and unflinchingly / refuse to compromise on is one not foreshadowed by their very subdued body language. But it betrays a whole host of implied values. That Ghost values precision, caution (they are not reckless in the risks they take) and adaptation, but, also, believes firmly that this caution and adaptation must ultimately serve their end goal.

The biggest reason this is interesting to me? Zote.

Here’s the thing about Zote: he was pretty clearly designed in Ghost’s likeness. Their cloaks are similar. Their weapons are similar. The shape of their horns are similar. While he is in other ways clearly his own character, Zote was conceived as a caricature of Ghost.

Zote insists that he is a principled creature, insists that he is a knight, and has an exhaustive, lengthy list of personal edicts that he insists lead him to success through every situation; however, those edicts are in some ways useless advice; in others, they are useful, but not in the way that a personal creed generally would be.

So, if we’re going off Hungry Knight: Zote as a caricature of Ghost, may, with his 47 Precepts, be caricaturing the idea that Ghost themselves carries and lives by a personal creed.

Some of these things are implied per my earlier headcanon, that the more “neutral-seeming” notes on the top half of the Hunter’s Journal entries represent Ghost’s impressions. These upper-half journal entries, and overall gameplay of Hollow Knight, would seem to align with Ghost’s stated edicts in Hungry Knight.

“I must search the area carefully” -> Ghost’s notes, compared to the Hunter’s, are detailed and factual. They often discuss what weapons a creature uses, whether or not it is trained, its origins... and, take special note of anything that is or used to be a knight, or adhering to a personal creed. (note the sentry enemies in particular, and how much Ghost mentions their hierarchy and weapon choices. The White Defender is also described as “gallant”, in contrast to the dismissive way the Hunter speaks of the Dung Defender). What’s more interesting is that some of the most formidable enemies in the game- Radiance, and Nightmare King Grimm- are given extremely sparing descriptions by Ghost- as if they are struggling to describe what they are beholding.

Likewise, a huge amount of Hollow Knight’s gameplay, especially if you want anything besides the worst ending, or just to make your going easier, involves scouring the game world tenaciously. Both Hornet and Hunter suggest Ghost has a predilection to dogging others’ trails; Quirrel and Cornifer both suggest Ghost is a kindred spirit to them as someone grasped by the love of exploration, and the Old Stag likewise commends them when they open the Queen’s Station.

“I must strike swiftly and remorselessly” -> not only is this one spoofed by Zote (he has a precept about exploiting weaknesses, a precept about felling enemies in a single stroke...) but Ghost is basically never reluctant to throw down with anything that seems about to attack. The Hunter cites Ghost as approaching without fear after he roars at them, and Quirrel’s dialogue outside the mantis village suggests that without much of a clear sense that the mantises are obstructing Ghost’s progress, they’re eager to challenge the Lords. Likewise, the Radiance does not attack you immediately, but Ghost still hops to the highest peak of her domain and tells her exactly how they feel with a single brandished nail.

Likewise, everything Godseeker tells them seems to galvanize them onward, even though initially their motivation may have been curiosity. This even lines up with, according to Hungry Knight, at least, that Ghost defines themselves first by their job, and second by the fact that they have something they need to do- and they do not consider failure any kind of viable option.

As far as remorselessness... there are in fact several times in the game you can cut someone down and then realize afterwards maybe you shouldn’t have. Encountering fully infected Myla is basically set up to encourage it- a player might assume that in defeating her, she could be saved, or just be startled by her attack and retaliate the way that the game has trained us. Her unique dying cry, to me, suggests that the game expected us to hear it.

Likewise, the Nailsmith asks to be cut down, and, if you oblige him, it happens extremely quickly and without effort.

The interesting other side of that is someone who tells themselves to act without remorse, is, generally, someone who is predisposed to regrets- which we know Ghost is, given the canonical information available about the Shade, and that the Shade is already pre-loaded into the Hunter’s Journal on unlock... suggesting Ghost has been forced to contend with it before in the wastelands beyond the kingdom.

Similarly, both Grimm and Brumm in the Grimm Troupe questline prod at the idea that Ghost must make their choice, knowingly, and choose something they won’t regret doing. There’s also the absolutely heartbreaking song of the Hollow Knight battle, and Godseeker’s comments on the Pure Vessel fight that Ghost may yearn to be close to their sibling, but can only get there through combat.

So this particular edict is something emotionally shaky to Ghost- they feel like they have to attack quickly without hesitation, and it’s seen them through many enemies, but... as far as attacking remorselessly- they, uh, don’t always succeed.

“I must be nimble to avoid danger” -> platforming and evasion are huge parts of the game. Given the amount of health bosses have, hanging back, moving around attacks, and finding the right places to heal is an imperative regardless of play style. There are few bosses you can really efficiently face-tank through and you need to do a LOT of charm work, and screaming of either the internal or external variety to succeed there (ask me how I know,) The majority of the upgrades you unlock are about maneuverability. 

“I must not fail, whatever happens.” -> Much of the game, especially Hornet, is basically about interrogating Ghost’s resolve, and whether or not they’re okay with what’s going to happen to them. This refusal to give up in the face of outstanding adversity is a huge quality of Ghost’s, and basically one that the game sympathetically cultivates in the player. This is a game with a harsh and demanding learning curve, and, basically, if you’re going to see it through, you need to commit to it.

However, like Ghost’s belief they need to lack remorse, this walks a dicey line. At their worst, Ghost can ignore everyone and everything, write them off as distractions, minimize their observations of their surroundings and blind themselves to everything except the next obstruction in the way of their goal.

However, in that worst ending? Ghost does fail, if you look at what Hungry Knight says about Ghost’s motives. What proto-Ghost thanks the player for is being able to save their friend and leave that place together.

In the base ending of Hollow Knight, Ghost is unable to save Hollow. Instead, they cut Hollow down, and replace them, making a meaningless sacrifice that won’t save anyone else, either- just buy them more time, in a stasis that has already led to decay.

“Thank you, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

All of the better endings are facilitated by engaging with other characters. For Dream No More, you need Hornet and the White Lady’s help, and seeking closure from the Pale King’s body and the bottom of the Abyss. Ghost has to confront their past there- twice- and face, and embrace, their regrets. The opening to dream nail Hollow rather than cutting them down is only created by Hornet believing in Ghost enough to risk her life entering the Black Egg Temple and tackle Hollow to hold them down.

Embrace The Void takes that even further- you need all of those criteria, and then you need to rummage in two different areas, very far away from each other, to find first a key, and then a sarcophagus, and keep prodding the weirdo that falls out of said sarcophagus, even when she’d really rather you didn’t. And even that has unpleasant consequences unless you go even further, and rummage enough to find a way to deliver a Delicate Flower to Godseeker.

Ultimately, Ghost only gets what they want by letting others in. They only accomplish what they do with help. And this is important, when, again, Hungry Knight would point towards the idea that everything Ghost does is to the end goal of saving another person. They want, ultimately, to protect Hollow.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/2/2020: BLOODTOBER PROLOGUE #1 - A RETURN TO SALEM’S LOT

I love Larry Cohen. If you're any kind of a person, you do too. One of the all-time great artists of the grindhouse era, Cohen is distinguished from his colleagues by his unusual warmth, wit, and a sociological bent that connects his outrageous ideas to our mundane lives. When I introduced Q: THE WINGED SERPENT to my husband as a movie in which a two-bit thug extorts the city of New York using an Aztec god living in the Chrysler Building, he thought I was joking. An hour later, as we watched Michael Moriarty go head to head with the city's legal team to capitalize on his knowledge of the ancient maneater, he turned to me and admitted that he couldn't have imagined how literal I was being. Not all of Cohen's movies are equally effective, but at the very least, they all have that special Cohen-ness that you just can't get anywhere else. A RETURN TO SALEM'S LOT is one of the movies that is defined more by its Cohen-y aura, than by its quality. Even though it's rarely spoken of, and I suspected there were reasons I couldn't remember it in detail, I still felt an instinctive, generalized affection when I thought of it. I decided to, er, return to Cohen's 1987 sequel to the Stephen King miniseries this Blogtober to confirm my various suspicions.

By 1987, Cohen's auteurship was well-established by a trio of genre-defining blaxploitation movies, the soon-to-be-classic franchise IT'S ALIVE about mutant babies that touched on the topics of abortion and eugenics, the aforementioned Chrysler Building creature feature, and his signature masterpiece THE STUFF, a black comedy about killer yogurt that skewered American consumerism and the contemporary health food craze on the same spear. After that, Cohen had hoped to film RETURN TO THE HOUSE OF WAX, but unfortunately Warner Brothers wouldn't bite, so we can only imagine what he had planned. As a consolation prize, they allowed him to make a pair of sequels, IT'S ALIVE III: ISLAND OF THE ALIVE, and a followup to Tobe Hooper’s 1978 Stephen King adaptation, SALEM'S LOT. The latter film, A RETURN TO SALEM’S LOT, is often considered the least of Cohen's creations, but when it comes to this director, I have a strict "no movie left behind" policy.

At the very least, RETURN reunites Cohen with his muse, Michael Moriarty. The standard Cohen-Moriarty protagonist is a borderline crook with bills to pay, whose humanity is strengthened through otherworldly trials. In this case, we have Joe Weber, an anthropologist whose removed attitude makes him good at his job, and useless to his family. When we meet Weber, he is in the midst of coldly recording a human sacrifice deep in the green inferno (in a scene so wilfully hokey I thought for sure we would zoom out to reveal a movie-within-a-movie), when he receives word that his son is direly ill. He rushes back to New York, only to realize he's been had; his ex-wife has tricked him into taking responsibility for their "deeply disturbed" child Ricky Addison Reed, a high fashion tween with the attitude of a jaded 30 year old. Conveniently, Moriarty has inherited a fixer-upper from his late aunt, so the pair travel to idyllic Salem's Lot to repair the house and their relationship. Things get complicated when they discover that the sleepy town is populated by vampires, and that Moriarty will have to buy their survival by promising to publish a "bible" presenting the bloodsuckers to the human world as refined and genteel.

While A RETURN TO SALEM'S LOT is loaded with zany ideas, few of them get any real elaboration. The vampires came over as pilgrims, just like us, as all undead children learn in vampire school. They maintain an uneasy peace with the mainstream world by raising cows for their blood--they're happy to chow down on intrusive tourists, but an addiction thereto is considered a "drinking problem". Their town is powered by slave labor, just like any other American settlement; the vampires pretend to respect their lower class of hybrid helpers, while deriding them as "drones" behind their backs. They even have religion, which is perhaps the weirdest aspect of the film: Vampire leader and Cohen vet Andrew Duggan suggests that they experience the usual near-death experience as they cross over, meeting with "an indescribable sweetness" that absolves them of their sins, thus making undeath a pretty relaxed lifestyle. All this presents an interesting conundrum for Moriarty, who despite his misgivings, gets the perfect opportunity to be the first in his field to write about this ancient civilization. However, for all these trappings of normality, the vampires have a hidden agenda, for which they are recruiting more and more children--the perfect infiltrators of society, for all their presumed innocence. Finally, RETURN's most unique feature is a nazi hunter played by firebrand filmmaker Sam Fuller, Cohen's spiritual father if ever there was one.

Baby Tara Reid as Ricky Addison Reed’s love interest

The idea of a nazi hunter finding his quarry among actual, biological parasites could have made for an interesting movie in and of itself. The same could be said for an anthropologist discovering vampires, and having to decide whether they are more worthy or study or annihilation. But, we never even find out what’s going into Moriarty’s “vampire bible”, and these fertile ideas are merely gestures, items on a long list of wacky ideas that the movie does little more than summarize. Cohen makes his ultimate point by impaling the head vampire on an American flag, rather than a boring old stake, but this flourish loses its meaning when so many of the movie's concepts wind up feeling like missed opportunities. Without a strong central motivation, even the film's charming performances lose momentum by the midpoint. Moriarty and his disaffected son work surprisingly well together, and Sam Fuller is as much fun as you might imagine, but by the end, everyone just seems a little tuckered out.

All that said, I'd still rather watch a bad Larry Cohen movie, than a good movie by many, many other directors. And, at this point in time, there's something satisfying about watching an American icon like Fuller cut a swath through the murk of old, aristocratic elitism that would have been best left on the shores of Europe. "I'm not a nazi hunter--I'm a nazi KILLER!" Fuller growls, reflecting an attitude I first heard in an interview with a World War II survivor who delivered a grave warning that nazis are not to be debated; their ideas are simply beneath argument, and they are literally better off dead. Amen to that.