#a lot of stuff throughout their lives it reminded me a little of only yesterday

[tomoyoo]

no home is so refreshing in it’s themes and the character writing, the kids go through all kinds of situations but they’re not by any means portrayed as tortured martyrs,, that’s something I appreciate a lot and it’s because the story takes it’s time to show many sides of conflict and how the mcs can be mean and unfair and don’t magically get their shit together at the end of an arc and not everyone understands why they’re like that and it’s so human !!!!!!!!!!! read no home by wanan 🫂

[chloecherrysip]

As you might have gathered from my frenzied posts yesterday, ya girl saw the Mario Movie for the second time on Thursday, and I have some additional thoughts! I already rambled on about the brothers' reunion AT LENGTH but let's actually talk about some other things (but also still a LITTLE BIT about that here too because I literally cannot be stopped).

Most importantly, I feel like I have had a big change of heart about the movie - in a good way! :)

So I had bought this Thursday ticket first before I made the really impulsive decision to go to a midnight showing on Tuesday, and I kept the ticket because I wanted to see what I would think a second time (and there were obviously some favorite moments that I really wanted to watch again). But I came out of the first showing so conflicted that I was like: "Am I even going to have that much fun at a second showing? Will I be a little bored sometimes?" (Plus, I was having the worst headache yesterday and just not in the best mood in general lolol)

And it was so, so MAGICAL

I think my first viewing experience was weird because 1) I was anxious and way overhyped 2) It was late at night and I was TIRED and 3) I found myself SO distracted throughout the movie because my brain was busy trying to redefine expectations as things went on, to the point that the whole end battle was extremely fuzzy to me because it was just SO DIFFERENT from what I'd been thinking it would be and my sleepy brain didn't know how to reconcile it. This time, I went in knowing exactly what the movie was going to be and what I could expect, and I just??? had the best time imaginable??? I was SO happy the whole way through?????? Literally enthralled and delighted and smiling to the point that my face hurt all over again???

Like, just to be clear, the problems I've already gone on about are still problems at the end of the day -- but truthfully, I care about them a lot less now. At the end of the day, this movie is beautiful, has heart, and keeps you interested, and just having gotten that out of a mario movie after all this time is really special to me. I do genuinely think that if you felt conflicted and disappointed after your first viewing, you should watch the movie again and see how you feel a second time around, because shedding all those expectations and going in without all that hanging over me just made for an absolutely wonderful experience that I'll remember for a long time!

Part of that too is the crowd I saw it with! At my midnight screening, there were obviously no kids and everyone was a little subdued. This time, there was a good number of kids, and man, they were having such a good time. The dad/daughter duo sitting beside me laughed SO many times and it was delightful (she was SO excited at the Mario Kart stuff).

And there was APPLAUSE at the end! That by itself is always a magical experience to me at the movies when people clap at the end because it's just such a pure expression of happiness (since there's no live performance and the clapping is to no one's benefit, lol). And then as I was walking out, there were these little boys excitedly talking about how the movie was a "5/5!!!" for them and....man, I don't know. The universe likes to give gentle reminders that sometimes things are just Not That Deep and it's okay to be a little less cynical and a little more generous. (But I will still complain a LITTLE below, haha.)

ANYWAY, THAT'S ENOUGH MUSING, HERE ARE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS:

The significance of the Nintendo logo sequence being retro Mario and Luigi together at the very beginning :) :) :)

Didn't even realize the first time that Mario doesn't just instinctively stick his arm out in front of Luigi protectively during the dog scene, he ALSO does it when Spike stands up from the table, even though Spike's only focused on Mario at that point!!!! Something I really wanted from the Brooklyn scenes was to see that protectiveness and care in Mario's body language for Luigi right from the start, and they do SUCH a good job at that, like more than I could have hoped for. It's a reflex for him! When there's even the slightest whiff of danger, you can see Mario's thought process go straight to "keep Luigi behind me, make sure he stays safe" and I loveeee

Luigi is such a mama's boy! ❤️❤️❤️ Bragging about her liking their commercial so genuinely! They also have a cute, subtle moment when he's trying to get some food at the dinner table and everyone's talking over him/not listening but his mom brings him a bowl and gives him a little, soft pat on the shoulder, it is adorable.

(Also Luigi getting swept up in the moment and dropping the "mic" but it's his phone and he breaks it continues to be just...such a good character moment. He is so wonderful throughout the beginning of the movie and I just want so much more of him in the sequel, please ;; )

JUST THE FAMILY STUFF IN GENERAL IS GOOD AND SURPRISINGLY SUBTLE AND REALISTIC????

Like, they could have gone REALLY broad with it and just made their parents horrible people if they wanted to do a "Mario has Dad Issues" plot but like, it's very clear that there's a LOT of love and care in that household! Along with a healthy dose of dysfunction, of course, but that's every family, haha. And honestly, their dad reminds me of my dad, who is a wonderful person BUT can also make really insensitive comments without realizing or just simply be really judgmental if one of his kids makes a choice he wouldn't personally make. It's still weird that they actually have a big family in this version of canon (if they live in the Mushroom Kingdom at the end of the movie, do they still go back and visit home all the time? Is it tough to be literally a world away from your parents??? I AM INTRIGUED BY THAT) but I can get behind it, haha.

In one of my other posts, I wrote that it looked like Mario and Luigi were the babies of the family, but there actually is a much younger kid at the dinner table, I realized - i think it's a little girl in a baseball cap who's maybe 7 or 8? Probably their cousin? She seemed very, VERY bored with everything going on. Also, for a split-second at the end, you can see her recording what's happening with her phone/taking a selfie XD I want to know more about this mystery kid and Mario and Luigi's relationship with them, haha.

Also, to go back a little, that construction site parkour scene had a lot more to it than I remembered! Mario doesn't just open the gates for Luigi - he also knocks down a ladder for him, throws down a piece of material for him to be able to run over a gap, and I think some other things too. Back to my original point about how no matter what's going on or how caught up he is, what his brother needs is always such a critical part of his thought process ❤️

I LOVED THE MARIO AND PEACH STUFF SO MUCH MORE THIS TIME???? There still isn't enough by far, but I was just so much fonder of their little moments. The "you're just trying to make me feel better" "is it working?" "a little, yeah" exchange was CUTE. Also, I kind of adore that Mario improves but doesn't ACTUALLY finish the training course (which feels realistic in such a short timeframe) but Peach sees that he's really trying and that's all she needed to know, that he was serious and had the determination to give it his all. :)

ALSO I love when Mario looks very nervous right before his fight with DK but he and Peach lock eyes and she gives him a determined smile and nod and that helps him.

(ALSO x 2, when Bowser breaks out of the ice at the wedding, Mario and Peach are holding hands very sweetly!!! I want to know what they were saying to each other at that point! She was probably SO relieved to see that he was alive and all right, ahhhh)

PEACH'S WEDDING DRESS IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING, MAYBE A CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BUT THE ODYSSEY DRESS COULD NEVER!!!

I have ALWAYS loved the idea of Peach's eventual wedding dress having pink elements throughout (even in the veil!!) because it's her signature and this dress DID and I was so endlessly delighted, can't WAIT to see all the details more in super high quality screenshots

ALSO THE WEDDING SCENE IS GENERAL IS SO GOOD??? I TRULY THINK THE WAY THEY STRUCTURED THIS SCENE AND PEACH'S CAPTURE WAS INCREDIBLY SMART???

I knew it was basically a foregone conclusion that Peach would be taken captive at some point because that is SO iconic, but I truly thought they would play it out more traditionally where Mario comes to her rescue. And the fact that they don't even go NEAR that idea, Mario doesn't even KNOW anything about what's going on her and she's on her own with Toad, and she just!!! handles the situation!!! she takes Bowser out (temporarily) and does everything she can to save the prisoners and I just loved that they were able to have it both ways while still letting her be TRULY badass instead of just paying lip service to the idea without ever following through

THE FINAL BATTLE IN BROOKLYN...HIT SO MUCH HARDER FOR ME THIS TIME...AND NOW I LOVE IT

I was just so bewildered the first time I saw the movie by the twist but this time, i was 100% IN THE MOMENT and let me tell you, Mario being all bruised and scared and then seeing himself and Luigi on the cracked television...my goodness, I genuinely teared up. I'm tearing up now thinking about it!!

IN GENERAL: THE WAY THEY BALANCE BOWSER'S HUMOR WITH SOME EXTREMELY MENACING, SCARY STUFF IS SO GOOD

I love that you're laughing at him and then suddenly, he just does something CRUEL and TERRIFYING and ESSENTIALLY PSYCHOPATHIC (even the little things like intentionally crushing Kamek's hands in the piano and making him keep them there!!) and you're scared of all him all over again

I know, I know, I already spoke about Mario and Luigi's reunion AT LENGTH, but I got one more thing -> it is genuinely SUCH a relief that Illumination did not go for the cheap "wow how embarrassing when men show emotion!" joke. in fact, not only did they avoid any joke like that, they went as far in the other direction as I think you could possibly go????? Like, seriously, I wanted FEELINGS here and the fact that it even blew ME away how tender and loving their whole exchange is really says something!!! I WILL LITERALLY TALK ABOUT THE FACE HOLDING AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCHING FOREVER, THEY ARE THE SWEETEST BROTHERS OF ALL TIIIME

Finally, I am STUPID because I genuinely walked away from the movie the first time with the impression that the worlds were permanently merged together at the end??? But after reading other people's summations of the ending, that's clearly not the case and Mario and Luigi just live in the Mushroom Kingdom now, whoops, haha. (I would be interested to know how far in the future that scene is!! I assume it would take some time to make that decision and that they weren't like "yeah, let's just immediately leave behind everything we've ever known and our whole family for a place we've spent a couple of days in" lol)

And also a quick list of some things that I'm still annoyed about because, well, it can't ALL be good:

The 80's music didn't bother me originally BUT it's starting to come to light now that the soundtrack is out that there are full, finished, AMAZING tracks that just aren't in the movie and it's pretty clear they sync up really well with those scenes???? SO IT DEFINITELY SEEMS LIKE THE ORIGINAL INTENTION WAS TO NOT HAVE ANY OUTSIDE MUSIC BUT SOMEONE HIGHER UP DID SOME MEDDLING AND GOT THEM ADDED AND THAT IS INFURIATING. And you can totally tell!!! WE NEED A VERSION OF THE MOVIE WITH ALL THE ORIGINAL TRACKS PUT BACK IN FOR SURE

It continues to feel like there are whole scenes/parts of scenes just missing from the movie! FOR INSTANCE: it seems like a MAJOR plothole that Toad was captured alongside Peach but then he's just...walking around freely? Able to get her a bouquet with the ice flower??? I feel like something was missed there. I really do wonder if there's like 10-20 minutes of footage/potential footage that was mercilessly cut for time. Will we ever see some of it (maybe on the blu-ray)? Will it be lost to time/Nintendo's vault forever? SOMEONE LEAK THE FORBIDDEN SCENES :(

Speaking of, RIP "I'm not afraid! I'll do anything for my brother!" I WILL ALWAYS MOURN YOU AND LOVE YOU AND WONDER WHEN YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SAID IN THE MOVIE

Guys. The slow motion. WE GET IT. It's funny the first couple of times, but by the fifth time, it's SO OLD.

Also, I continue to desperately wish that the Luigi rescue at the end felt more earned. It's SO good but it needs one more beat! One more realization! One more character moment! SOMETHING! :( :( :( :(

I had ANOTHER idea about how they could have sold this more and even tied it back to an earlier moment in the movie. When the scene cuts to Luigi in the dumpster watching Mario fight, frame what he's seeing so that it reminds him of being babies on the playground again, but now Mario's where Luigi was!!! And Bowser's the bully!!! And his brother needs him just as much as Luigi needed Mario back then!!!! You wouldn't even need any dialogue - just let the shot LINGER on Luigi and give us a tiny bit of that flashback intercut one more time alongside his changing expressions! It would be SO simple but I think it'd be effective AND give that earlier flashback more reason to be there in the first place (as adorable as it is).

OK I'VE TALKED ENOUGH

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song iii.

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader  au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, eventual smut, eventual angst, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, lots of lasagne talk, flirting, kissing, fluff 🥰 words; 9,340

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

After you had time to calm down, of course you ended up telling Soojung about what happened on the date. You kept some things to yourself, mainly about how giddy you had felt throughout the whole thing, but you were sure she could see that for herself – she kept looking at you knowingly, and for once she kept the teasing down to a minimum. You ended up staying awake quite late, Soojung opening a bottle of wine. You were still excited from the date and the thought of what was to come next, but somewhere along the line, you and your best friend started getting into your feelings. (Was it really a Saturday night until you and Soojung ended it with slightly drunk sappy heart to hearts and hugs? Obviously not…) 

For the first time in a while you felt comfortable enough to open up about your love life (or lack of one) and felt it easy to talk about the past and to even bring up Donghae. He was a forbidden topic for the most part, no matter how much you were over him, but tonight had changed something. You didn’t know how to explain it, and no, it wasn’t because Seokjin was somehow the man of your dreams who had magically made things better with just one date. That was dumb and only happened in cliché Hallmark movies. 

No, it was because tonight had shown you that life goes on. No matter what rock bottom you hit, or how long it took you to get over it, no hurt was forever. You’d been single for a long time, and happy at that – after you’d gotten over the heartbreak of Donghae cheating on you – but tonight you’d had fun. You’d enjoyed yourself, enjoyed Seokjin’s company. You didn’t know what would come of your second date, or if there would be a third, but you were okay with that. You were just living in the moment, and right now you really liked that infuriating-not-so-infuriating bastard. 

You were taking a chance, just like he was, and it was actually pretty exciting…

.

.

You woke up late the next morning, something you didn’t reprimand yourself for because it was summer break after all, but also, you had a raging wine headache that had needed all the shut eye it could get. Your head was still throbbing slightly as you reached for your phone on the bedside table but seeing a text from Seokjin waiting for you made it miraculously disappear. 

Seokjin (10:28am) Hi Y/N, Thank you for such a great time last night. I can’t wait until Saturday. Would it be alright with you if I kept in touch throughout the week?  Seokjin

You giggled to yourself at his insane formalities. Why was that so adorable? But most importantly how could he be both cute and sexy at the same time? He was hellbent on making you lose your mind. You thought about teasing him, asking him when he’d grown comfortable enough to drop the Regards from yesterday, but despite how well last night had gone, and despite how much you loved joking around with him in person, over the phone seemed different. You were still a little nervous – giddy nervous, but nervous, nevertheless. Your conversation from last night with Soojung came back to you, reminding you that this was all too real. You were potentially catching feelings for this man, and it was new, and exciting, but equal parts terrifying now that you’d woken up with a hangover. 

Everything you typed out in reply seemed way too stiff, so growing frustrated, you settled on an emoji to cut through the formalities. 

You (10:49am) I had such a lovely time too, Seokjin. Of course it’s fine to keep in touch. I’m looking forward to Saturday night! 😊

What did he mean exactly about keeping in touch?, you wondered as you got out of bed, padding your way down the stairs and into the kitchen for a much needed glass of ice cold water. A good morning text? A how are you? You knew he was busy with work all week, so you weren’t expecting too much, but just knowing he wanted to stay in contact until next Saturday made you smile to yourself as you waited for his response. 

You didn’t have to wait long. 

Seokjin (10:55am) Great! I’m so excited to try your World famous Italian lasagne 😁

Cute. He’d followed your lead, ditching the last of the formalities and even signing off with an emoji instead. You instantly felt more at ease, but – 

Oh no. 

Why did he have to bring that up and remind you of your humiliating blunder? You knew what would be taking up all of your time for the few days – you needed to perfect this goddamn dish. 

Soojung on the other hand was unbothered by your predicament. Mind in the gutter as always. “Do you think that’s a euphemism for something else?” She asked straight away once you’d shown her your messages a few hours later. 

“Soojung!” You exclaimed, feeling yourself get a little hot in the face. You wish she’d stop bringing up sex, it was stressing you out. You told her as much. 

“You’re the one who’s invited him to your house for a second date.” 

You stared at her, greatly unimpressed. “You know why I invited him here.” 

You’d told her last night. You’d been hit with a surge of confidence when you’d suggested it was your turn to decide on something. In truth though, you didn’t know the first thing about restaurants, you hardly ever ate out, and when you did it was either fast food or at the food court in the department store Soojung worked at. You knew he wouldn’t have minded any choice you’d made, but that didn’t stop the slight apprehension you felt. 

It was normal, given your difference in lifestyles, and whilst that seemed to be no issue thankfully, that difference was still there. However really, that’s why you’d chosen to cook for him. Seokjin had shown you something close to him last night – the restaurant he owned with his brother, and now you were to show him something close to your heart. Something that was you. You loved cooking and baking in your spare time and you wanted to share that with him however small. Granted it was things you were confident with, but lasagne couldn’t be that hard, right? A true perfectionist, you’d master it quickly enough…

Soojung rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you could suggest McDonald’s and Dilf would be insanely happy.” She nudged you, squealing like a kid. “He’s just so into you!”

You wouldn’t bite. She was making you nervous again. “Stop calling him Dilf, he has a name.”

“Geez, sorry.” She held up her hands in apology. “Didn’t mean to offend your man.” 

You pushed her shoulder, silently telling her to quit it.

For the next few days it became your life’s goal to master the art of lasagne. Sunday night was spent googling recipes, trying to find the most authentic one. There seemed to be a lot of fuss on the right type of pasta. Flat edged would be fine, but the wavy edge was best. You made note of that. Next was the sauce. Two types. The tomato based one and then the white one – which you learned was called Bechamel. That seemed pretty easy to cook up, but the former seemed a little daunting. Every time you’d had pasta sauce in the past it had been premade, starting from scratch was giving you anxiety. Seokjin thought this was your expertise so you had to make it believable. What if you made it too salty? Too bland?

…Possibly you were thinking way too hard about this. Soojung thought the same. 

“Just buy it in a jar, Y/N, for Christ’s sake. You’re taking this way too seriously. You don’t need to learn fluent Italian to make your little white lie believable. It’s a goddamn lasagne.” 

She had a point. 

“He’d be happy with a sandwich. He’s coming over for you, not the shitty lasagne.” 

“Don’t call my non-existent lasagne shitty, you’re setting me up for failure.” You grumbled, looking at the ten tabs you had up on your laptop screen, all claiming to be the best most authentic recipe around.  

On Monday you went shopping for ingredients. You knew a small world foods store that was just outside of town, you’d been there a couple of times when you’d been baking with the children for class. With help from signposted aisles, you found what you were looking for in no time at all, so that night, you and Soojung both tucked into your first (sort of) homemade lasagne. Only the Bechamel sauces was harder to master than you’d first thought. 

“I think you added too much flour.” Soojung’s nose wrinkled as she spoke. “It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but the white stuff… I don’t know, maybe it’s supposed to taste like that?” 

Nope, she was definitely correct, too much flour, which was odd because you were pretty positive you’d followed the right measurements… 

Tuesday you had a day off from the sight, and even the word lasagne. You met for coffee with your mom but kept the date with Seokjin a secret. Not that she pressed about your love life anymore, she’d long given up on that topic. It was nice to catch up and you made plans for a trip soon. It was hard to find time to visit her when you were in work so you were always thankful for the summer and Christmas breaks. You were her only child, so it made your time together even more precious. She’d only remarried ten years ago, and while Jonathon had kids from his first marriage, they lived abroad. They were older than you and had families of their own. You weren’t particularly close for no other reason than the distance. You’d only met them a few times but they were lovely people. Your father had remarried while you were still in high school, having two more children (a son and daughter) with his wife. You were very close to them despite the age gap and saw them as regularly as you could. Your extended family had long been the norm and you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

Wednesday you were back on the lasagne. You purchased more pasta sauce and decided on the pre-made Bechamel sauce too, just to be safe. This time around everything went smoothly, Soojung had no complaints and neither did you, but you still invited Taehyung around on Thursday for a third go. He was way more enthusiastic than your best friend, singing your praises all night. 

“Y/N, that was amazing!” He exclaimed, leaning back in his chair to pat his belly. “Dilf dick – Uh, I mean, Seokjin, is going to love it.” 

“Guys, is that what you really call him when you’re alone together?” You whined. 

“Blame Soo,” Taehyung shrugged. “She’s rubbed off on me. But, I’m right,” he smirked. “He’s going to want to give you his DD once he tastes this, if you know what I mean.” 

Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, you looked on unimpressed. Maybe if you gave them no reaction they’d stop? 

“Oooo. I wonder what his dick even looks like. I bet it’s as handsome as his face.” Soojung squealed, sat beside her boyfriend. 

“SOOJUNG!” He cried, mouth open in disbelief. 

“Can we just stop talking about his… y’know…” You sighed, unable to say the word aloud. “Imagine if it was the other way around and he was wondering about what I looked like naked.” Soojung wouldn’t be impressed, that was for sure. 

“Fine, you’re right,” your best friend sighed. “I’m just way too excited because you finally like someone!!” She was getting loud now, she always did when she was excited. “And I want it to work out because you deserve it!” 

You chuckled. “Soo, calm down.” But you had to admit her words were sweet. You reached for her hand across the tiny table, giving it a gentle squeeze of thanks. 

“What about Barman dick?” Taehyung asked randomly, totally oblivious that you and she were having a moment. ���Huh? Soo? You want my Barman dick tonight?” He wiggled his eyebrows again, a playfulness to his voice as he nudged her. 

She giggled but wasn’t having any of it. “It doesn’t really have the same ring to it, babe.” 

Highly offended he pulled away, pursing his lips. “Whatever.”

“Okay guys, let’s not have a domestic at the dining table.” You laughed. Which was a mistake because now Taehyung’s attention was back on you. 

“So, Y/N, when are you going to invite Mr. Dilf to my bar?”

You sniggered. “How about never?”

“Hey, you ladies are being very mean tonight. I complimented your lasagne.” Hm. That was true, you guessed. “What’s wrong with my bar? I think he’d love it. What does he drink? I see him as a dark rum type of guy.” 

You shrugged. “He was drinking red wine on our date last week.” It still made you feel funny to say the word date. You’d gone on a date. You were dating. A flurry of excitement found its way to your stomach, your excitement for Saturday growing. 

“Interesting,” Taehyung mused.

Soojung stood up, starting to collect your plates. “Okay, I’m washing, who’s drying?”

“Not me,” you sang. “I’ve cooked nearly every night this week.” 

Soojung eyes were wide when you met them, as if she was silently begging you. For what? “Just please promise me there won’t be any lasagne waiting for me after work tomorrow night? I’m going to turn into one at this rate.” 

Saturday arrived soon enough. You woke up the same time your phone went Bing and you knew exactly who it was. Seokjin had been texting you Good morning every day since Monday. He was no longer signing them off with his name, which was progress, and he was even adding more emojis, so you guessed you had rubbed off on him. 

Sometimes he’d drop a meme with the greeting. They were mostly to do with early mornings and workloads to which you’d tease him about because it was your summer vacation after all, you didn’t need to worry about work. But you always sent a Hope today runs smoothly his way too. You didn’t want to rub it in too much. 

Yesterday’s meme had been about dating, something about the guy trying to flirt but being garbage at it and asking if she liked cheese. You didn’t agree that was like Seokjin though – you were gradually learning that he was incredibly modest – but it had made you laugh. Only Seokjin could send you lame memes and you’d find it adorable… You were possibly whipped. 

Seokjin (8:01am)  Good morning. [Image sent] 

Today the meme was about lasagne, which made you question whether he was googling these every morning because no way had a lasagne meme popped up on his social media – if he used any at all. The realisation that he was searching for memes every day was even more endearing and your heart got a little gooey. You read the text on top of the image of lasagne. Dude, is that your new white shirt? Lemme just hop off this fork for a closer look. You genuinely laughed at that one, still wrapped up in your bed sheets. So incredibly lame, but equal levels funny. 

Seokjin (8:01am)  I will not be wearing white… I can’t wait to see you later. Just a reminder that I hope you omitted the garlic for tonight’s meal. I don’t want to embarrass myself by itching all night 😅😂

Immediately the smile dropped from your face and you shot forward, horror washing over you. Oh no. He was allergic to garlic. With the stress of perfecting the world’s best lasagne you’d totally forgotten. What were you going to do? Find a plain tomato sauce? Where the hell were you going to find one? Was that even a thing? You needed to leave now. Jumping out of bed you almost forgot to message Seokjin back. Looking at your phone again the image of the lasagne mocked you… 

.

.

Two hours later you were back at home, in need of a sit down after you’d rushed around town looking for a pasta sauce that didn’t contain garlic (very hard, by the way.) The stress had aged you about ten years. Soojung of course found it highly hilarious. 

“You’d have been in ER before 9pm,” she chortled, still in her pyjamas on the couch. She’d been still asleep when you’d dashed off, a woman on a lasagne mission. 

You ignored her. It wouldn’t have been that bad, right? He said himself he’d only be itching… Clawing off his own skin was probably better than his throat closing up… maybe… 

“How did you manage to forget?” She was still laughing. “AND you said you’d make a lasagne. Italian food always uses garlic. He must think you’re trying to kill him.” At this point you could hardly understand her, words blurring into one as she lost her shit. 

“We went over this. I wasn’t in my right mind when I said I’d cook lasagne.”

She stopped her laugher immediately.  “No way, you’re not blaming me again.” 

“Ugh.” You sighed, suddenly remembering something. “I was going to make my homemade garlic bread.” Now that was a speciality of yours. This night was going to be a disaster.

“Skip the garlic,” Soojung suggested. 

“So, just bread then.” 

She tried her best not to laugh again, not wanting to make it worse. “Yum.” 

It didn’t help. 

What did help though, was making her clean the entirety of the downstairs of the house. As the day went on you started to get more and more nervous, which was silly, but you couldn’t help it. You realised that your place was a shoe box in comparison to his, what the hell were you thinking when you’d invited him here?! It needed to be spotless, to distract him from the fact you would be eating dinner in the same place you would be cooking it… 

You knew there was no need to worry, it was just like last week when you’d grown self-conscious only to be fine once you’d set eyes on Seokjin. No doubt tonight would be just the same, he didn’t give a crap about stuff like that, so why would you even think he would? He’d probably be hurt if he knew… You just couldn’t help those little bubbles of insecurities from floating around inside your brain. You were a law unto yourself, and the garlic-less lasagne wasn’t helping. You’d had no time to prep for it. What if it tasted like cardboard? 

“Lasagne is lasagne,” Soojung reassured you, in the kitchen as you got all the ingredients together. “It’s not going to taste gross just because there’s no garlic in it. Put it this way, at least you can kiss without needing to pop a mint.” 

You whined, shaking your head, you couldn’t even dare thinking about kissing him right now. You’d spontaneously combust from anxiety. 

“Should we clean your room too?” She asked, picking up the jar of pasta sauce absentmindedly. You’d already read the label approximately fifteen times, double checking it was indeed garlic-less. 

“What? No,” you told her, voice all high-pitched. There would be no going upstairs besides from bathroom usage. “But hey,” you exclaimed, rounding on her with the spoon you were holding in your hand. “My room is always clean, bitch.”

She was the messy one.

.

.

Soojung left for Taehyung’s place at half 6, ready for Seokjin’s arrival at 7pm, a hug for good luck before you waved her off. You’d calmed greatly now, nothing like some table laying to ease some nerves. The lasagne was prepped and ready to oven cook, you had a fresh key lime pie in the fridge and you were dressed and presentable with ten minutes to spare. Wonderful. 

The doorbell rung not long after you’d made your way downstairs and you were quickly finding out that Seokjin was a very punctual man. Opening the door to reveal him stood at the porch your heart instantly warmed, skipping a beat when he gave you a dazzling smile and a soft Hey. You felt a little weak at the knees. Nope, you were not ready for tonight. 

In your tiny entryway he offered you a silver gift bag. “I didn’t know what to bring, so.” He said with a shrug as you pulled out a bottle of red wine. 

“Oh, thank you, Seokjin.” You hadn’t been expecting him to bring anything at all. It was a lovely surprise. 

“You probably have some waiting already. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” you reassured him. “We’ll use this one.” You were going to use a bottle of white wine you had laying around, nothing special at all. Red wine seemed better, fancier, maybe it would go better with the lasagne?

“Are you sure?” He asked. “I was gonna get you flowers but I didn’t want to freak you out or anything.”

You laughed. What was he going on about? “Why would that freak me out?”

His smile was crooked as he chuckled quietly. “I don’t know. I’m new to this, I thought they would’ve been too forward.” 

You gave a small shrug, voice barely there when you replied. “I like flowers.”

He gazed at you, warm eyes softening as he stepped forward. “Next time.” He smiled. “Next time I’ll get you flowers.” 

You swallowed fairly loudly, averting your gaze as you outstretched your arms. “Let me take you coat.” Was it hot in here? You felt a little stuffy. 

He shrugged off the beige wool blend, revealing the tight fitting black shirt he had on underneath. It stretched over his shoulders, accentuating how broad they were, how hard his chest was and how much his waist curved inwards. The pants he was wearing didn’t help matters too. He looked effortlessly gorgeous, hair parted to the side, a piece curled above his left eye, softening the blow of his exposed forehead. You moved to hook his coat on the rack, realising you could’ve been gawping. Not that you could help it, the man was trying to kill you.

As you turned to face him again, he smiled. “You look really nice.” His voice was soft which just made it even more dangerous. “I think this may be the first time I’ve seen you in pants.” 

“Really?” You wondered. You were partial to a dress in the summer, so he was probably right. You’d chosen a pair of black skinny jeans and a patterned chiffon blouse. Nothing too fancy, but he looked at you with awe-filled eyes. Unless you were imagining it. You cleared your throat. “You look good too.”

He stepped back, arms outstretched as he looked down at himself. “Thanks. No white.” He chuckled. 

You forced yourself to laugh too, nerves creeping back just because of your stupid damn lasagne. “No white.” 

Moving forward again he took your hand. It was warm and soft, just as you remembered from last week. Who cared about the lasagne when you were this close to him? When he was looking down at you with those brown, twinkly eyes? Not you anymore. 

“I’ve been looking forward to this all week, Y/N.” 

Oh.

.

.

You invited him inside the living room first, pouring him a small (and his only because he the car) glass of wine as you chit chatted for a few minutes. Sat next to him was RJ, who you’d taken from your bedroom to join you both for the night. He wanted to say Hi, had been your opening line and Seokjin had found it hilarious, cracking up instantly. Although his “I missed you buddy, how have you been?” went rudely ignored. Maybe the alpaca was nervous… 

Ever the gentleman, he complimented you on the house, noting the décor with a fond eye. That surprised you, maybe he had played a part with the interior of his home. Well, you’d only seen the cosy family room – but it suited him very well. You knew there had been no need to be nervous when it came to inviting him into your home. There wasn’t a judging bone in Seokjin’s body. 

You talked about your weeks, yours had been fine, but of course you left out all the stress over the lasagne. Seokjin’s week on the other hand had been quite demanding, but that was nothing new he told you with an accepting shake of his hand. He was used to it by now, but he had to admit tonight’s date had made it easier this time around. He was full of the charm, not that you were complaining…

Misook was babysitting Arin tonight, he told you when you asked how she was. It was his weekend this week, he and Nana took it in turns – when she didn’t cancel, he added as an afterthought – but he seemed a lot more relaxed talking about his ex-wife this time around seeing as last weekend she hadn’t broken any promises. He was happy if his daughter was happy, and that made you smile. You remembered Arin’s sorrowful face that day her mom had cancelled on her, so you were glad they’d found time to spend time together. You also remembered how irritated Seokjin had sounded when he was opening up to you on the bench at the school fate… You wondered just how often Nana cancelled plans, and couldn’t imagine how frustrating that was for both Arin and Seokjin… You hoped this marked the start of things being easier for them now. 

Soon after that, you served him your starter (“garlic – wait, no I mean, no-garlic bread.”), and you chatted some more over that and while the lasagne baked. It was surprising how little you’d touched the sides on your first date, so tonight you covered even more bases. Family mainly. You told him about your half and step siblings, your parents’ remarriages of course coming up too. He seemed interested in that, wondering about your views on it and if it had affected you as you grew up. As a divorcee you understood the relevance to him and because he was so easy to talk to you found yourself opening up freely. 

His parents were still married and Seokjin was the youngest out of their two sons, so it was quite unheard of for the second born to take over a family company. In fact, it was the first of its kind for his, which made it even harder for him. His older brother had been the rightful heir to LG Electronics but his passion had always been in culinary arts. His parents had been kind enough to let him follow his dreams, and thankfully, for Seokjin, that meant he could follow in his father’s footsteps. He’d been eager to prove himself but it had been hard in the beginning. His status as the youngest son meant that a lot of people set him up for failure, but with his family’s love and belief he’d managed to succeed and confirm himself as the rightful CEO. You didn’t doubt it. It seemed he’d worked hard to get where he was now. That was admirable. 

The influx of information was so interesting to you and it didn’t feel real. While you could imagine Seokjin taking charge, visualising him in that tailored houndstooth suit he’d worn when you’d first met him, it was strange to think the smiley and soft-spoken man sat in front of you was from a long line of power and wealth. He should be untouchable, yet here you were able to reach for his hand across the table. Able to feel his forefinger stroking delicate patterns into your palm as you opened up and got to know one another more and more… 

“So, if your family’s a big deal, what about things like arranged marriages? Are they still a thing?” You asked, maybe confusing fiction for fact. 

Seokjin laughed at your wording. “They used to be, not so much anymore. I met my ex-wife through a friend. They concentrate less on things like that these days.” He shrugged, adding as an afterthought, “As a divorced CEO I think I’m a great example of that.” 

That was true, you thought to yourself, wondering how the breakdown of his marriage had also played a part in the stress of his early years as CEO. 

“I know it all sounds pretty crazy, but I like to think my family is just like anyone else’s.” He continued, smiling bashfully when you met his gaze. “That I’m just like anyone else.” 

You wondered how many people had immediately judged him because of his status… You’d been one of them, right? Even if you hadn’t known any of the details, you’d written him off as some obnoxious, rich guy who flaunted his wealth… You felt guilty thinking back. He was the complete opposite.

You nodded in agreement before grinning. “I’d have liked to see what college Seokjin was like.” 

“A complete nerd, to tell you the truth.” 

He answered so seriously, you didn’t know how to react, and then he was laughing loudly, cracking up at himself. You couldn’t help but join in. That’s when your stove alarm went off, shrill and incessant, signalling the arrival of the dreaded lasagne…

It turned out he loved it though. 

“This is amazing,” Seokjin praised, mouth still half full as he chewed. You did have to admit it was good. It tasted just like the original, despite the lack of garlic. Seokjin quirked an eyebrow, smirking your way. “So, how lucky am I to be able to try this World famous Italian lasagne?” 

“Very lucky.” You kept your answer short. Hoping he’d just drop it. 

He didn’t. 

“How lucky?” He tried to pry from you. “How many people have tried it?” 

You gave him a small smile, hovering your fork over the plate. Technically he was the third, but you couldn’t tell him that, could you? “I can’t disclose that.” 

He emitted a short laugh. “What about the recipe? Care to share?” 

You brushed him off with a soft chuckle. “A chef never tells her secrets.”

“Not even me?” His bottom lip jutted out as he looked across at you. 

Your heart did a little dance. He was being unfair. “Don’t pout like that, it’s making me feel guilty.” 

Thankfully the lasagne topic fizzled out after a couple more minutes, your cold sweat having time to dissipate while you chatted and ate together comfortably. However a few minutes later you noticed Seokjin fidgeting slightly in his seat. You politely ignored it to begin with, unsure if you were just imagining it, but then he started itching the back of his neck. You put your fork down, a sick feeling washing over you. “Is anything wrong?” You asked, now watching him itch up his forearm. “Seokjin?”

He looked at you in mild confusion, eyebrows creasing together as he opened his mouth. “Are you sure there wasn’t any garlic in this?” 

You swallowed away the panic racing up your throat. “I’m sure.” You’d read the back of that jar and then read it some more. “I’m positive.” 

… Weren’t you? You watched him scoot his chair back, leaning down to start scratching the back of his calves. He made noises of discomfort as he did so. 

“Oh, no…” You were up before you could stop yourself, racing around him to start hunting in the recycling for the glass jar. 

“Wait, where are you going?” 

You could hear Seokjin’s voice behind you, sounding alarmed, but you were too panicked to really take it in. You needed to be sure. This was just your second date, you couldn’t ruin things already. Turning him into one giant itchy red blob had not been your intention.  

“I was only teasing you.” Still, his words didn’t sink in. That was until you felt a hand on your elbow, tugging gently for your attention. 

You spun around, worried eyes wide – even wider when you found him so close. He was on his feet too, bent a little to level with you, pretty much within kissing distance. His voice was soft when he spoke, you found yourself distracted by his mouth. “Y/N, I was just messing around.”

You blinked, not truly understanding with all those annoying distractions zooming around your mind, but slowly you pieced his words together. Oh. Despite the relief you felt, now you just felt silly. Plus, he was still so close to you… 

You took a step back, the small of your back pressing up against the counter. You needed a clear head. “Don’t freak me out like that.” You told him, but you still sighed in relief, hand against your chest. “I thought I’d poisoned you.” 

He looked a little concerned, but you could tell by his eyes he found your reaction amusing. “I’m sorry,” he apologised. “I just wanted to make you laugh.”

“Make me laugh? You nearly gave me heart failure.” However, you gave him what he wanted, a laugh that sounded weak and shaky, but it was something – you did see the funny side. 

He joined you, shoulders relaxing now that he knew you were okay. He looked behind you, eyes on the trashcan, a bemused smile on his face. “What were you looking for anyway?”

“The jar.” You answered, as if it wasn’t obvious. You turned, deciding to fish it out anyway. Holding it up to him, you were adamant. “See, no garlic. Check.” 

He chuckled. “I already said I was joking.” He took one look at your desperate expression and gave in, taking the jar from your hand. “But if it makes you feel better…” You watched him as he read the label, silently soaking in his handsome features. He looked softer tonight, the curve of his jaw rounding as he smiled. It took you a moment to realise he was done. He handed the jar back to you, and you prayed to God he hadn’t caught you staring at him all gooey-eyed. “It’s fine.” He confirmed. “I’ll be itch free tonight.” 

You smiled and plopped the glass back inside the can. “I looked around town for hour trying to find lasagne sauce sans garlic.” 

He looked guilty. “I’m sorry for being awkward.” Then he paused, eyes narrowing, the hint of a smirk itching at the corners of his mouth. “But… Y/N, are you a fraud?” Huh? What did he mean? You didn’t need to wait long for an explanation. “I thought a certified chef would cook up a batch of her own tomato sauce.”

Oh. You’d gone and put your foot in it, hadn’t you? It was probably time to explain yourself… “I have a confession,” you began, sounding wary. Seokjin looked interested albeit it mildly confused. “I… may have told a little white lie.”

He shook his head, a puff of laughter leaving him. “You’ve lost me.” 

You took a deep breath, knowing you were going to have to spell it out for him. “I’ve never made lasagne before. Ever. In my entire life.” 

He looked confused as silence spread out between you. He sounded it too when he spoke again. “Then why did you say it was your speciality?”

You groaned, dropping your face into your hands for one dramatic moment. “I panicked.” Peeking at him, you babbled on. “I know it sounds stupid but Soojung was curtain twitching and it was stressing me out and then you were asking me what I cooked and lasagne just popped into my head!”

Seokjin blinked, his mouth twitched and then he was laughing – loudly. 

“You find it funny?” You asked, relaxing a tad. 

“Very.” He laughed harder but seeing the look of bafflement on your face he tried is best to still it. 

“I’ve been practicing it like crazy,” you whined, happy you could finally tell him all about your lasagne struggles. “This is my fourth time eating it this week. Soojung nearly killed me.” You snorted at the memory. This started up Seokjin again. “And then I forgot you were allergic to garlic. Your text reminded me this morning and I had to rush out to the grocery store.” 

He was weak at the knees at that, and you were laughing just because he was. It was contagious. “Stop,” you wailed, attempting to get a hold of yourself. This week had actually been quite traumatic. “I’m glad you find it funny, I’ve been in constant stress ever since you drove off last week.” 

“I can’t help it.” He chuckled, although he did sound apologetic. “You’re just so adorable.” The air that settled around his effortless admission made your skin prickle. When he carried on, his tone was gentle. “You know I wouldn’t have minded if you changed the menu to something else, right?” 

You pouted ever so slightly. “But you were looking forward to it.” 

He gave a small shrug. “True, but… that was more so code for ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you again.’ The food was just a bonus. I’d be happy with a Big Mac.” 

You felt your cheeks burn and you tried to shake yourself out of it. “So embarrassing,” you murmured. You didn’t know what for… The lasagne mess or the fact he could have this much of an effect of you? You were inclined to go with the latter. 

“What about the no-garlic bread?” Seokjin asked, changing the subject a little. Maybe he’d sensed your embarrassment and didn’t want to make it worse. He was sweet. “Did you make that?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Well, I didn’t bake the bread. I just toasted it.” It was still a speciality of yours though. “It would’ve been much tastier with the garlic.” 

He gave you an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that. This body wants to turn me into a miserable old man.” 

Pfft. Old? Miserable? He was anything but. 

“Sit,” he prompted you, smiling as he motioned with his head to the table. “Finish your World famous Italian lasagne before it grows cold.” 

As you moved he delicately cupped his hand around the curve your waist, giving it a soft squeeze before he got to his chair first. Your stomach flipped, head dizzy as you sat and tucked your chair in. Last Saturday popped into your head, the way you’d loosely held hands outside and how you were sure he’d been leaning in to kiss you – properly. 

You knew one thing. You really wanted to kiss him tonight. 

Trying to get a hold of yourself, you glanced at him, catching his eyes. He was already tucking in again, and he grinned bashfully, as if embarrassed. “This really is great. All that practice paid off.” A pause. “You should show me how you cooked it sometime.” 

Your face lit up in surprise. “You cook?” In the back of your mind you were aware that he’d probably been hinting for a third date, but you were so shocked by the possibly of Seokjin cooking you couldn’t stop yourself from asking. 

He chuckled quietly. “I mean, when I have time and can be bothered. I like cooking but it’s just easier to go to a restaurant or get it delivered.” He looked sheepish before adding, “Or Misook does it for me.” 

There was no shame when it came to that. Seokjin probably worked all hours of the day, no one could expect him to tie on an apron when he got home and start pulling out pots and pans. 

“Do you cook a lot?” He asked. 

You nodded. “Soojung and I take it in turns.” 

“So what is your speciality?” He smiled. 

This time around you were in your right mind and able to answer properly. “Veggie tacos.” 

He raised his eyebrows, impressed. Then he tried again. “Can you make them for me sometime?”

He was persistent, you’d give him that. You shrugged, trying your best to sound impassive but the little smirk gave it away. “Maybe if you say please…” 

He laughed, leaning forward, a hand clasping yours as he tilted his head. The piece of curled hair falling into his left eye. “Please?”

Your heart did another little dance inside your chest. 

.

. 

After dessert you both made your way back to the living room, settling on your couch with two pomegranate mocktails Taehyung had prepared for you yesterday. All you had to do was add the pomegranate juice and lemonade to the ice cubes and crushed lime segments and mint before serving, easy-peasy. Seokjin was highly impressed, but of course you couldn’t take the credit. It was all down to your best friend’s very helpful barman boyfriend. 

You were glad Seokjin wanted to stay as you didn’t want the night to be over yet. It had flown by so fast and you’d had so much fun. You already felt like you knew him better, even after only two dates. It was strange to you, how you could feel so relaxed in a stranger’s company, but then again, you guessed he wasn’t a stranger anymore… Plus, he was so easy to talk to, so interesting to get to know…. Everything between you two came easy. 

Like opening up to him, being a bit more vulnerable… 

“I’ve been slightly nervous all week,” you admitted, clutching your drink to you before chuckling softly. “– and not just about the lasagne faux pas…” 

“There was no need to be nervous. I thought we left all that behind on the first date,” Seokjin reassured, smiling warmly your way. 

You were sat together, turned to face one another. It was intimate and cosy. He had one leg lifted, the ankle resting on the knee of the other leg, and where his pants had ridden up, you could see an inch or so of his calf before it met the black cotton of his sock. For some reason, you found that very, very sexy. Maybe you had been single for far too long. 

“We did,” you agreed, hesitating slightly. “It’s just… I haven’t done anything like this in so long.” 

You didn’t even think you’d ever invited someone around for dinner before. You were still quite young when you found yourself in a relationship with Donghae so your dates before him had been very basic. Your dates with him hadn’t really classed as such just because you became official fairly quickly, and your dates after him, well, it was already known that they had been few and far between. 

“You already know we’re in the same boat,” he smiled before chuckling bashfully. “No, but really, when I asked you for dinner that day at the fate I was expecting you to turn me down.” 

“How come?”

He looked down at his drink, lifting a shoulder. “I thought you’d think that I was crossing a line… or maybe the spark I was feeling was all in my head and in reality you just found me really annoying.” 

That was cute. He’d been doubting himself. Human after all. Not that you’d ever thought he wasn’t. You still didn’t miss the opportunity to joke around though. “I mean, both can exist simultaneously.” He taking a sip of his mocktail when you replied so he ended up snorting into his glass, amused by your wit. 

A moment or so passed and Seokjin gazed at you, smiling softly. If he kept this up, you’d be a puddle on your parquet flooring. “So, tell me,” he hummed. “How did I luck out so good?” You raised an eyebrow, wondering what he meant. “How come an amazing person like you isn’t married or in a relationship?”

He must’ve seen the slight shock on your face and panicked instantly. “Is that a weird thing to ask? I feel like it is. I apologise.”

“No,” you insisted, sitting up a little straighter. He followed. “No, it’s not.” You wanted to open up to him. You really did. You just didn’t know where to start. Although, it was pretty simple. “I’ve been single for a while.” 

“How long?” Seokjin was instantly focused, attentive, noticing the change in your body language. 

“Three years. My last relationship didn’t end very well.” You paused, wondering if you should continue. But then… It had been a massive part of your life. No matter how much time had passed and no matter how okay you were now, it had still happened. And Seokjin, he had trusted you enough to open up about his divorce – even before you’d gone on your first date. You wanted to talk about it. You really did. 

“I found out my fiancé was cheating on me.”  

Seokjin’s eyes widened, unable to cloak his surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said sincerely. 

“It’s fine,” you smiled. “It was rough getting over it. Took me a while, but it is what it is. It’s in the past now.” 

“Did it put you off dating?” 

You were pleasantly surprised to find it was actually easy to talk to Seokjin about this. Your mouth was opening before you had to think about it. “I mean, at first. I was still very much in love with him, even after he broke my heart. But I got over him and I started dating again – briefly – It just didn’t feel right.” You stopped to smile. “It’s been over a year and I can’t say I missed it… but you…” Nerves growing, you pushed them away. “You’ve changed that. I’m having fun.” 

Seokjin’s face lit up and he chuckled. “I did hit second date status after all.” 

“You did…” 

“So,” he leaned closer, a small smirk on his face. “You could say, hitting your car that day wasn’t actually my fault because it was supposed to happen.” 

You snorted as you laughed, head falling against the back of the couch. “I wouldn’t go that far.” 

He made a sound. “But we wouldn’t have met otherwise.” 

“We would!” You exclaimed. “The parent-teacher meeting.” 

He blinked, feeling dumb. “Oh, yeah.” 

It wouldn’t have had the same effect, granted, but you would have become acquainted with one another regardless. “Would you have still liked me?” You asked without thinking, surprising yourself. 

“Yes,” he replied immediately. “I was instantly attracted to you after all, it’s just…” Instantly attracted? Definitely a charmer... “There would’ve been no way for me to get to know you like I did.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You’re really adamant that you had to reverse into my car to make this work, huh.”

He shrugged casually. “It was the only way.” 

You laughed quietly, finishing the last of your drink. Time was getting on, it was pretty late, Seokjin had already finished his, you watched him sit up to lean forward and place the glass on your coffee table. His shirt tightened across his shoulder blades and you could see his back muscles as he stretched. Oh.  

Settling back into the same position, he looked over at you and grinned. His teeth were perfect. Did this man have zero flaws? Why were you so whipped? It was embarrassing. 

“I had fun tonight,” you told him, trying to keep a lid on whatever was going on with you right now. 

He seemed pleased with that, nodding his head. “I’m happy to hear that you think I’m a fun person.” 

You scoffed, body falling closer to his. Your shoulders brushed together. Seokjin didn’t take his eyes off you. “Hm. I don’t think I said that.” 

“Hey, don’t be so mean.” He murmured, one side of his mouth quirking up. 

Like you couldn’t stop yourself, your hand reached for the collar of shirt. He had the top two buttons loose and your pinkie finger brushed against his collarbone. Sparks flew, but you tried to ignore them. “I thought you liked it when I was mean.” You teased, voice low. 

Seokjin hummed, his eyes still twinkled like they always did but there was something else to them, a depth that made you feel funny. He sunk closer to you. So close you could study the thick curve of his eyelashes, notice that both his eyelids were different. He really did have beautiful eyes. You could stare at them forever. 

Preoccupied, you slowly realised that he was watching you too, studying your features in the golden glow of the floor lamp that hovered over the couch. His lips parted, you heard them rather than saw it, but then your attention was on them again. Just like it had been earlier on in the night. He was staring at yours too as he spoke. “I wanted to kiss you last week.” 

You heartbeat quickened but you tried to keep cool. “You did kiss me.” You laughed. 

He sighed. “On the cheek.”  

You lightly tugged his collar, fingertips now brushing the skin of his chest. “Isn’t that what you said you wanted to do?”

You could feel his own heartbeat against your forearm that was pressed into him. It was definitely running a little faster than it was supposed to – stronger. “Yes, but…” He glanced up to your eyes. “I was just being polite. I wanted to kiss your lips.”

It felt like you were holding your breath. Maybe you were, you just couldn’t think straight. Time seemed to stretch out, but you knew what you wanted. So you went after it. Giving him a small smile, you replied. “Maybe I wanted that too.” 

He swallowed, voice so low now it was barely a murmur. “Is that an invitation?” His eyes bounced to your lips again, then back to your eyes as he asked permission. “Can I kiss you?”

You ever so slightly dragged your bottom lip beneath your teeth as you nodded, breath catching in your throat as Seokjin leaned forward and closed the distance between you. The hand in between your bodies moved to delicately hold the wrist of your arm against his chest, holding you there as his other hand reached for your jaw, angling your face to press a kiss to your mouth. His eyes were already closed so you followed. 

He hummed at the contact, his lips soft and warm and you let yourself sink. His actions were light at first, faint as he kept constant pressure, as if he was familiarising himself with the sensation. You couldn’t even let yourself think about how this was the first kiss you’d shared with someone for a very long time. All that was going through your mind was how good it felt to be touched like this by him. 

He readjusted the hand on your face, tucking some hair behind your ear to cup your cheek. You liked that. You liked it when he touched you, and he eased from your mouth completely before coming back with a firmer pressure. It was your turn to make a sound; a tiny gasp as your lips began to move together ever so slowly. He liked that, a hum of satisfaction vibrating against the soft skin of your lips. You clutched at his shirt, gathering the crisp cotton in your fist, that would surely turn it creased, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was too preoccupied with reaching for the glass you’d forgotten was hugged to your body by your free hand. 

He unclasped it from your fingers and had no choice but to break away from your mouth to put it next to his on the coffee table. You whined, attempting to tug him back to you, and he chuckled, taking a hold of one of your hands. “I’ll be back,” he whispered, leaning forward to place the cocktail glass down. 

And he was. 

This time he used both of his hands to grasp your face and dive back in. He was more confident this time, moving in such a way his lips pried yours open. You reached for his shoulders, grasping them to hold him closer and this time you both made noises – sweet, quiet ones that worked beautiful together as your lips moulded with gradual urgency. 

When your hands found the nape of his neck, fingers through his hair, he had to drag the tip of his tongue across your bottom lip, seeking entry. You met it with yours, tasting hints of pomegranate and lime with each wash of tongue. A hand of his slipped down to your side, stroking up and down the curve as if he couldn’t help but to touch you. He settled at your hip after a moment, the other splayed against the side of your neck, his thumb rolling small circles under your cheekbone. 

This was getting addictive. You could tell by the way you moaned softly against each warm, wet curl of his tongue. This was everything you’d imagined and more – because you had imagined it. Late and secretly at night when you were trying to drift off to sleep and thoughts of lasagne were banished… You were glad your first kiss was here, inside, on your couch, because this wasn’t something for the open, your knees wouldn’t have been able to hold you up. 

You could have kissed him forever, you mean, you definitely didn’t want it to stop but you pretty much had to. Breathing was a necessity, right? If you couldn’t breathe you wouldn’t be able to ever kiss Seokjin again and that would be absolutely awful… 

You did it the right way though – gradually. Seokjin slowed it right down, only hints of his tongue left as he hummed indulgently, like he was savouring your taste before he had to inevitably pull away. It made your insides jump around like crazy, hearing him enjoying himself, and you tried your best to come to when he started easing the pressure of his lips, pressing small, chaste kisses to them instead as you ultimately (but slowly) broke apart. 

You opened your eyes, blinking up at him, hands falling from his hair, aware you had become one with your cushions. You struggled to free yourself as he sat back and you watched him smile fondly at you. His breath was shaky – so was yours, and you were sure his hands trembled slightly as one reached up to scratch the back of his neck. His neck that was blotched with red, flushed, travelling to his cheeks. They were rosier than you’d ever seen them before. Your gut stirred. 

“I’ve been dreaming of that,” he told you, before making a face at himself. “Too cringey?” 

You giggled – it sounded foreign. “Just a bit.” But didn’t deter the fact you loved it. 

You warmed when you felt him squeeze your hip, realising his hand was still there and you reached for it, tangling your fingers with his. He pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles softly. His expression was thoughtful when he lowered your hands. “In all seriousness, thank you for giving me a chance, after well, you know, everything.”

You smiled, touched by his earnestness, but it was hard to keep a sane mind when his lips were as kiss bitten as they were – deep pink and glistening. You wanted to kiss his face off. 

“It’s no problem,” you quipped, as if you were doing him a favour. 

He chuckled tenderly, and luckily for you he was unable to stop himself from kissing you again. He reached forward, hooking a finger under your chin to press his mouth to yours softly. “I’d really love if we could keep on doing… this.” He murmured. 

“The dating or the kissing,” you grinned, stealing another kiss in the process. 

“Hm,” he contemplated. “Both preferably.” 

And then you were on one another again, eager once more. 

Although, you did manage to pull away briefly to tell him something, his mouth moving to the side of your face to kiss there instead as your hands dragged down his back. You were somehow able to get the words out – ones that made him laugh against your wet jaw. 

“I’m so glad you hit my car.” 

Written 2020 - 2021.  Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

[hollypunkers]

reasons Mako is really really great and should be appreciated so much for how he raised Bolin coming from just watching Republic City Hustle:

He made robbing people fun. It was a necessity, and clearly a dangerous way to live but their only choice, so he not only clearly picks a target that isn’t a threat but turns it into a game where Bolin can play the Good Guy and fool around, be a hero, and have fun.

In that same vein, with almost every chance he gets he compliments Bolin (“nice grab little brother” etc. a trait he continues until adulthood with people he cares about, it’s stilted and awkward later but clearly Mako’s trying) this is probably why Bolin’s confidence is basically through the roof.

Bolin recognized Toza and calls him his “hero” indicating he has been to pro-bending matches before, later we see them both working at the match while Mako has to remind Bolin he is working too. Mako also doesnt recognize Toza on sight. I think it’s safe to imply Bolin working with Mako is new (some evidence for that later as well) and Mako would normally work while letting Bolin have a fun night watching the matches.

Bolin is sad to see his hero lose, Mako tries to reiterate a lesson that basically boils down to “they wouldnt help us, why should we care?” It’s a lesson that rings true for Mako, the caretaker, but doesn’t for Bolin because Bolin always had Mako and knows what it’s like to be cared for.

When Shady Shin threatens to send them back to the streets Mako’s first instinct is to give Bolin a reassuring pat on the back and tell him not to worry.

While Bolin is doing his antics we always see Mako just behind him, watching and keeping an eye out. The only time he isn’t is when it is implied Mako was doing some work on his own (after Bolin got mad) and Bolin snuck away, after which Mako immediately finds Bolin the moment he’s in danger to save him.

Bolin wants an adorable pet, Mako immediately tells him “No. The last thing we need is one more mouth to feed.” Again, Mako as the parent having to juggle being the good guy and the bad guy, taking all the responsibility of caring for them on his own shoulders. And he has a point. Mako is clearly struggling just to keep Bolin and himself fed (“We didn’t eat anything yesterday.”) and the last thing they need is a pet.

Bolin begs Mako (typical kid stuff wanting a pet “aw he’s so cute!” “Ple-ease??”) and is suprised it doesn’t work and sad when Mako tells him to toughen up. Bolin begging is interesting because it tells us it often probably works, Mako giving Bolin what he asks for; and in this instance Bolin is very much acting like any normal child while once again Mako is the (reasonable) parent.

From what I inferred earlier where Bolin helping with the work being new, Mako has just started to get Bolin into this criminal world with the Triple Threats and is clearly worried Bolin is too soft for it, while at the same time interestingly never brings up how Bolin is five years older than Mako was when Mako started taking care of them. I think one of the arcs of this series was Mako realizing Bolin, because of who he was and how sheltered he’d been, couldn’t survive in the same environment Mako was. Mako has earned the respect of Shady Shin, meanwhile Bolin can’t even handle this one job. (Mako, a pragmatist, realizes by the end that if Bolin stayed in this work he’d have to become more like Mako, and so Mako takes the out Toza offers.)

Bolin. Is. An. Optimist. Bolin grew up living on the streets, hungry and poor, and he’s an optimist. Why? Just jump back to the scene with Shady Shin where the moment things seems scary Mako immediately reassures Bolin. Mako is hypersensitive to Bolin’s emotions, even when chastizing him he falls back to a kind voice and explains why, so it’s no small leap to say Bolin always thinks things are going to turn out okay because that’s what Mako has told him his whole life.

“Maybe I’m not as mean as you! Maybe I just can’t turn my back on people when they’re down!” Bolin calls Mako mean and uncaring, and Mako.... sighs. He doesn’t respond, just takes it in, lets Bolin have his emotions and even say cruel things to him and just internalizes it and leaves it alone.

Mako weirdly knows exactly how to handle a dangerous snake. I don’t know what this means. Either he has experience or it’s pure Mom Instinct where he sees Bolin in trouble and just wrangles a dangerous snake and flings it back into its cage in seconds.

Mako relents on the Pabu business right after Bolin puts himself in danger to save the animal and Bolin gives him puppy dog eyes (also after Bolin called him mean). Maybe he thinks having a pet can teach Bolin responsibility, or maybe he doesn’t want Bolin to think he’s mean, either way, Mako knows it’s not a great idea to have a pet but still gives up, apparently not able to say no to Bolin twice.

Bolin never apologizes or is asked to apologize for calling Mako mean and uncaring. In fact, considering the sequence of events, Mako is the one who apologizes by letting Bolin keep Pabu even though by all accounts Mako was right not to want a pet. When Mako does admonish Bolin it’s only in ways Bolin needs to act in order to survive, otherwise Mako seems unwilling to defend himself or make Bolin change in any way. (Mako models this type of forgiveness despite being the wronged party which interestingly, Bolin shows later throughout LoK and it is something people love about him, but the origins are here, coming from Mako.)

“You really have a habit of getting in stupid situations” Mako tells Bolin, indicating this type of behavior, Bolin getting in trouble and Mako coming to save him, happens a lot. (Even in the end, Mako finds out Bolin bet all their money on a fixed match, like c’mon Bolin.) Bolin just says “I know” and Mako leaves the conversation at that without rubbing it in. A surprising amount of maturity for a fifteen year old.

Bolin can’t keep his mouth shut and gets them in trouble, shouting and excited during the match; as Mako looks embarrassed and worried, another indication that this, Bolin being present with the Triads, is a recent development and a clear indicator Mako was right telling Bolin to toughen up or he wouldn’t survive, as they instantly find themselves running and fighting for their lives.

“Can we, Mako? Mako, can we? Mako, please!” Mako is so explicitly the parent to Bolin it’s sad. He is fifteen, he’s been on his own with Bolin since he was eight and literally witnessed his parents die, and throughout the series we see him comforting Bolin, suppressing his own emotions, and being a parent over and over again. Meanwhile Bolin acts like a child, who had a normalish childhood, who plays games and laughs and is optimistic and confident and wants a pet, so despite everything they went through, and how hard it was, Mako was clearly a very good parent to Bolin.

Shady Shin miscalculates in the end by telling Mako “don’t go soft on me”, the same thing Mako was telling Bolin; which goes all the way back to my earlier point that Mako knows Bolin won’t last as a Triad and needs something else. “I do have to take care of my brother, and I think this is what’s best for him.” There, explicitly, the only reason they become pro-benders is because Mako thinks it’s right for Bolin, ‘what is right for Bolin’ is the basis of all his choices, what is right for Mako isn’t considered because what Mako wants is for Bolin to be happy.

In conclusion, if you hate Mako and love Bolin, I think you need to take a step back and remember who raised Bolin.

[something-tofightfor]

More thoughts on Prospect

so, @the-streamer-girl posted about people’s feelings on the Ezra/Damon dynamic when it comes to Cee ... and it turns out that I have a LOT to say. 

So the question of Damon vs Ezra was one that I thought about a LOT when I first watched Prospect, and continued to watch closely with each additional viewing. The simple answer: Ezra is a better role model  + influence in Cee’s life than Damon was, even after such a short time together.

The long answer:

I hope this doesn’t jump around too much, but it might. When we first meet Damon, he yells at Cee for exploring because she can’t sleep. She’s a teenager (I HC her to be about 16/7 years old at most) and she’s sassy about the gum/stim stuff, but instead of even giving her the courtesy of an answer, he just tosses the thrower to her and essentially tells her to make herself useful. You can look at it as treating her like a kid and forcing her to learn from her actions - but I view it as him ignoring what she says and giving her busy work to keep her out of his hair. When they’re talking about the Green and mining, he talks down to her. Doesn’t give her the space to ask questions, doesn’t give her straight answers, and seems almost bitter that they’re in the position they’re in - presumably because their family is fractured, which comes down to … the death of his wife - which he is likely reminded of every time he looks at Cee. I personally thought Damon telling Cee that she reminded him of his wife was kind of creepy. I know that it wasn’t meant to be, and that the sleep aid was clouding his brain a little, but the look he gave her and the WAY he was speaking didn’t sit right with me. It was an uncomfortable scene, and again, it featured him talking down to her - about the way she pronounced the name of the planet, about the way she felt about The Pug, etc. That could have been a really important instance of father/daughter bonding, and it wasn’t. I don’t think that it gave Cee any happy feelings to fall asleep to, either. The whole landing sequence, too, was just … him, focused on the task at hand, which is fine. He needed to get them safely to the ground, but at the same time, he treated her like she was just there and only served a specific purpose. The only time he ever acted like a father to her was when they found that first aurelac deposit - and even THAT changed very quickly when he saw how large the gem was. He was short with her about the chemicals and that’s fine with me - it’s a safety issue, so there’s no time for coddling. But as soon as she suggested that they take the gem, get square for the pod, and play it safe, he changes. He doesn’t care what she thinks or wants - he wants the gems and the money and the thrill of the harvest. Again, that’s why they’re there, so it’s alright, but … he’s not even willing to listen to her (And in the future, that makes me question how he would have been with the mercs, because he’s so… short-fused, I guess? He wouldn’t have been able to or willing to negotiate with them the same way Ezra did, and they would have been in the exact same circumstances. They still needed a way home, and I TRULY don’t think Damon would have been willing to cut profits, even if only by a little.) 

 I’m not sure what Damon’s plan was when it came to Ezra and #2. Yes, he needed to keep Cee a secret, but … what was the end goal? Stealing their stuff and then just running off and hoping that the two of them - with a giant gun - didn’t somehow find them and take revenge? Damon again got greedy - with his daughter standing RIGHT there, and was only focused on what he could gain from the situation. He wasn’t thinking ahead - and it’s what got him killed. Ezra could have shot Cee in that field. He did not. It would have been simple to do so - shoot her, take her filter, go about his business. He hesitated. Damon did not hesitate when he shot #2.

 Enter Ezra into the pod. Cee shot him - and I believe that he believes he deserved it. He stays calm and collected, talks to her like an adult the entire time, and provides a logical solution to a problem that they’re both in. He lets her make a choice. Damon didn’t. Damon didn’t listen to her, or give her a chance to make a point, or to decide anything for herself. 

 Throughout the time they’re traveling to the merc camp, Ezra KNOWS that he is hurt, and that Cee is the cause, but doesn’t take it out on her. He continues to engage her in conversation, to trust her to feed him, to pull off this scheme with him. It’s like he said in the pod; if Damon couldn’t do these things, or understand what was necessary to survive on the Green, he shouldn’t have been there. He would have likely gotten Cee killed at some point, and probably wouldn’t have felt as guilty about it as she did that he was dead. 

 I firmly believe that by the time they’ve made it to the Sater camp, Ezra feels protective for the girl, despite what’s at stake. He’s coaching her on what to do, speaking rationally to her, and guiding her behaviors in the tent, just because he knows what the etiquette is. He’s very literally being poisoned to death, and still lets the scene play out like it needs to to - just  be respectful. But they make a mistake and assume that like so many others, Ezra values the financial gain of this aurelac over human life. 

 Is Ezra a killer? Of course he is. But he doesn’t seem to be the type to turn to violent first, or just because, and I also believe that the way he speaks is an indication of what he believes in - honor and being a man and making the right choices based on the situation. Damon would have left Cee in a heartbeat for that much aurelac - that’s what, 90-115000 credits, easily? Each gem was at least as big as the original one they found. So he takes those, gets the supplies, LEAVES Cee and still goes on to the Queen’s Lair? 

 Yes. Then he doesn’t have to split profits. He doesn’t have to argue for two spots on a ride off. He doesn’t have to worry about taking care of Cee into the future. He would have made her some sort of “I’ll come back for you” promise, and wouldn’t have meant it. Ezra’s facial expression doesn’t betray him - yes, he’s interested in the aurelac in the case, but not at the expense of a teenage girl’s future. 

 When she finds him in the tent, he again trusts her, even after she left him at the mercy of the Sater. Yeah, he needs her, but it’s more than that. He’s still willing to continue on and continue their plan, because he’s still focused on getting both of them off of the moon and back home. It would be easy to go on on his own after she cuts his arm off, or to say “Hey, I might not be able to do this”, but he never loses his cool or outright lies to her about their chances.

 He argues for her with the mercs in a way that Damon never would have. He’s rational. He lets her speak. He includes her in every single aspect of it - and the only time he acts in his own best interest is when he attacks with the blade and requires her to act. But they work well as a team there, and she picks up on what she can do to save him/them very quickly. They’re on the same page, and it’s only been a couple of very trying days.

 They don’t leave each other. He doesn’t run when it gets hard to let her fend for herself. When they decide how to attack Inumon, they make the plan together - and they need each other for it to work. And yes, he might think that he’s a goner after it goes wrong, but he’s sincere about telling her to go and save herself - he wants at least one of them to get off the planet.  She might still be mad at him for Damon’s death, but there’s no way that she would have tried so hard to get him to that ship if she truly blamed him and still had any thoughts of revenge in her mind. She answered his question - are you a killer - and it turns out that they’re the same. Yes. Definitely - but only when necessary. AND I SAVED THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR LAST: THE STREAMER GIRL SCENE. 

 We know that Damon thought what she was doing was pointless and stupid and shouldn’t have been her focus. We know that he wanted her to focus on prospecting and learning “useful” skills all the time. We know that he was set in his ways, and had a certain idea of how she should act. Ezra is the opposite. He encourages her to tell him about the book, and about what she’s adding to it. He listens to her when she tells him why she likes it so much. He’s intrigued about her contribution to the story, and doesn’t think that having these wild ideas and fantastic imaginary interactions is stupid. She’s still a kid, and she needs a distraction, and Ezra doesn’t put her down for it - he encourages her. He tells her to do what makes him happy, and this whole scene might be the first moments of levity that Ezra has had in MONTHS. In the short time they’re together, he encourages her in so many ways that Damon didn’t - that we saw or that we learned from what she said about him. He hasn’t seen a kid in a long time, but it seems like even all of his time on the Green hasn’t jaded him to the same point that a life of odd jobs and rental pods did to Damon. I don’t think Ezra sees Cee as a burden. I don’t think he looks at her as someone simply there to control/boss around. The sunlight in that scene does a lot to show the expressions on their faces - they’re relaxed. They’re open with each other, and it’s a conversation that neither of them will forget. (I was telling @the-blind-assassin-12 yesterday that I think it might be the most important scene in the whole movie.) 

 I think that when they get off the Green, they would stick together for a while. Obviously, they’re both going to go live their lives at some point, but Cee’s got Ezra now. They went through these traumatic things together, and she’s invested in his life. He - I think - feels protective of her, too, and would want to make sure she was OK on her own when they get back to civilization. Might not be a point in a formal adoption, because she’s so close to being an adult, but I don’t think that’s necessary. So, a short answer to my long answer: Damon was a shit father, and got what he deserved for being so damn greedy. Ezra is a dangerous man, but he wouldn’t ever be dangerous to Cee in the way that Damon’s actions made him dangerous (after the first encounter). She is much better off without Damon, because she needed to be around and influenced by someone that was willing to include her in decisions and let her make her own choices, not boss her around like she’s still 5. 

 There’s so much more I could say, and I’m sure you didn’t want to read 1500 words as a response do I’ll stop here … but this movie has hit me in a way that I didn’t expect it to. 

I’d love to know your thoughts, too! 

[suchalonelysunflower]

If it means a lot to you (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin X Reader 

Summary: Songfic based on the song “If it means a lot to you” by A Day to Remember. You haven’t heard from Ashton in weeks, could you endure all the pain while he’s on tour or it would become too much?

Warnings: ANGST, strong language, overthinking and anxiety. Also some grammatical mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry) 

Word Count: 2.6 K 

Author’s Note: I was feeling so angsty today and this was the product of me pouring out my feelings into a fic. Reblogs, coments and feedback are always welcome and apreciated! I would love to hear your thoughts 💙  Hope you like it and Happy reading🦋

My Materialist

It felt good to be on the stage again. It felt more than good, actually. The sound of screaming fans, calling out your names in pure ecstasy as one by one the songs pass and reverberates throughout the whole stadium, or arena or a simple, yet packed, venue. The adrenaline that cursed through the veins of each one of them as they gave their all, feeling how the base makes the entire stage shake with rhythms they know by memory and would never get tired off. It felt good to be on the stage again, to be on tour again. But not everyone gets to have everything they want. 

You were sitting on your sofa, getting lost in thought as the TV played some old episodes of your favorite show as background noise of your own pity party. It’s been two months since Ashton went away on tour with his band again, and even though you knew this made him happy, you always hated when he had to leave. 

The feeling of loneliness crept in two weeks and a half ago, when he started to miss your calls and texted you only once a day. You knew he was busy, you knew he must be tired, but so are you. 

You understand that this is his job, you’ve been through this before, but the separation was never easy. You always worried about his safety, how he’s dealing with stuff and if he ever misses you or if he had someone else he’d rather be with while you were away and tucked under your shared sheets in LA. He always came through though, pushing those thoughts away by reassuring his love, either by facetime or a simple call. But you haven’t seen him or heard of him in so long that you couldn’t help but drown yourself in a pity parade for one. You miss him, you need him. And it’s still so long until you could see each other again. 

A notification on your phone pulls you away for a while, it takes a few moments before you realize that it was in fact your phone and not a trick of your mind. You jump right to it, thinking, hoping that it would be Ashton trying to call you or even a simple text. The beating of your heart ran like a horse before you could even register that it was just a notification from instagram, you just saw his name and quickly swiped to open it. 

@ ashtonirwin: Thank you for singing with us xx 

The post was simple, you could see the crowd going wild as Andy took a photo of the boys in their element. Ashton was smiling behind his drum kit, taking in the scenery of a thousand screaming fans that were there just to see them, to sing with them. And it hurt you. 

It hurts not being there. Not being the one that was at the other end of the smile, and oh, how you miss that smile.

You opened the camera roll, forgetting to put a like on the post as your mind decided to add some salt to the wound. You scrolled a few pictures down until you found what you were looking for: A video of Ashton. 

His smile was clear even before you pressed play. You remember the day he sent that to you, it was at the beginning of the tour and you were feeling a little needy, so he decided to send you this while you were asleep. He knew it would make you feel better once you woke up. And it did. 

It was a simple video of him just talking to the camera, but it always made you feel better and you hope this time it will as you pressed play. 

“Hey, darling” Ashton said with a smile so wide you could see every dimple and wrinkle on his face “I hope you’re good tonight, I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving… It’s not easy for me either, being away from you and being unable to kiss you and cuddle you like we do. I miss you, dear” 

The sadness in his voice moved you and you wished you were there with him, doing your best to push that sadness away. “Tour’s going great so far, I really wish you were here to see it. But you will be, one day and it will be awesome. But I can’t come back home till they’re singing, and oh, how amazing it is to hear them sing back at us, it’s almost as beautiful as to hear you sing to me one of our songs, even if it’s to mock our oldest songs” His smile lit up the screen ashe giggled “Just wait till I get home, baby. It won’t be long now, I swear. I love you”

“I love you” You whispered to the face on the screen as the video stopped. 

The tears were rolling down your face and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. The video always helped to make you feel better but, somehow, it just made missing him worse. 

It wasn’t enough, you needed him. You needed him and he was MIA, the only news you get from him are from social media and you couldn’t handle it anymore. 

You couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same. 

Ashton was laying in his bunk bed, smiling as he scrolled down twitter to read the reactions to tonight’s concert. It was one of their best and he was very proud of the energy they put on stage for the world to see.

He always enjoyed tour life, visiting new cities and countries every night, giving his all in all the concerts and spending time with his best friends. It was all he ever wanted since he was a kid and now he was able to experience it. 

“Hey, Ash!” Luke called his attention from the bunk across the small hall “Could you tell Y/N that Sierra wants to talk? She said it was something about a recipe but it seems like she can’t get in touch with them” 

Ashton frowned, you were never the one to shy away from their friends, always being the most social one of the two of them “Uh, yeah. Sure man” 

“Thanks, and tell Y/N we are missing them, it’s been too long since we saw each other” 

‘It has been a long time’ Ashton thought, or at least it seemed like it because he was sure he sent a text earlier today and…

Ashton’s expression froze when he saw that he didn’t text you today, or yesterday or the day before that. He didn’t even respond to your last text.

Y/N: Tell me something sweet to get me by.  

How long ago was that? Why didn’t he notice before? 

A feeling of guilt ran through him, feeling disgusted at himself for forgetting about you, the most important thing in his life. How could he? You must’ve been feeling low that day to text him something like that, he knew how much you hated when he had to leave. You didn’t text him after that, maybe you were okay now, but he still needed to talk to you, to apologize. 

He sighed when he saw what time it was, now it wasn’t time for a facetime call, knowing that you were probably asleep by now. He would apologize to you in the morning. 

Little did he know that you were still awake, sobbing and calling out his name through your cries. 

*

You woke up when the sunlight hit your face. You furrowed your eyebrows at your surroundings, realizing that you fell asleep on the couch. Luckily it was a Saturday, so you had no other responsibilities other than crying yourself to sleep for maybe the tenth time in a row? 

You knew it wasn’t fair, for you or for him, to be enduring this kind of pain. But if you meant a lot to him, why hasn’t he responded? or calling to check up on you? This place felt lonelier by the minute, his mugs were in the cupboard, some of his clothes were in the closet, his music room remains untouched and yet it seemed like he was never here at all to begin with, just a ghost of his memory floating around to remind you of what you were missing. 

You felt the tears about to crash down again, but you had no energy left in your body to cry. You were exhausted, needy, lonely and down right miserable while the love of your life was living his best life without you in it. 

Ashton was living his best life, but he still felt something was missing. He sat down on the couch the venue offered, it wasn’t as comfortable as he would expect but it didn’t matter. He knew he had to talk to you. 

He has been a shitty boyfriend lately, he understood and hated that. You didn’t deserve to be pushed aside like he did and he felt awful. So, with his heart in his sleeve, hoping you’ll forgive him and that you were okay, he picked up the phone and called. 

Ashton heard the beeping tone three times before you decided to answer “...Hey, sweety” You said with a sigh. 

Ashton could tell you were sad, a punch in the guts hurt less than hearing your voice so small and defeated. “Hey, darling,” He said,making his tone a little bit more uplifting, thinking it might help “How are you? Sierra said that you weren’t answering your phone, is everything okay?” 

Hearing his voice, his cheerful tone as if nothing has happened or as if this wasn’t the first time in weeks that you’ve heard of him, hurt more than you could ever expect. You felt silent tears rolling down your face as you contemplated what to say about that. 

“I just-”

“Ash, we need you for soundcheck” A voice said on the other line.

Ashton raised his hand, annoyed at the interruption, asking the boys to wait a second. He needed to hear from you first. All three of the guys backed up immediately when they saw the serious expression on the drummer’s face. 

“Sorry, love. I think the boys need me” He said, hoping you wouldn’t get mad. 

“But, what about me?” You asked before you realized what was coming out of your mouth.

“What?” Ashton said with a concerning tone. 

“I need you here, Ashton” You cried, unable to keep the tears at bay anymore “I need you here tonight, and I know that you don’t wanna be leaving and I get it, I swear I totally get it and I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, it’s okay that you want this” 

Hearing you cry through the phone broke Ashton’s heart. He did this, he caused this. How could he neglect you like that? 

“I want it but I don’t need it” He quickly reassured you. 

“Yes, you want it. But I can’t help it, I-” Your voice shook “I just feel complete when you’re by my side. I know I can be needy sometimes and believe me, I hate that as much as you do, probably. But, Ash, I haven’t heard from you in weeks! Yes, a morning text now and then but sweety, I don’t think you understand how bad this hurts”

Ashton felt the tears burning in his eyes, your broken voice sounded like an echo in his head, making him wish he could go back and fix his mistakes, to take all your pain away.

“Do you know how hard it is to be in this house alone, not knowing if you are okay or if you miss me? I found myself walking around aimlessly, trying to hold on to the memory of you here, to even a hint that I wasn’t dreaming when I held you close because it’s been so long and I don’t think I can take it anymore. Knowing that you can’t come home till they’re singing, till everyone is singing back at you” 

“B-baby-” Ashton said, not caring that he sounded desperate, because he was. He didn’t like where this conversation was going “Baby, I know I fucked up, big time. But don’t you ever doubt that you are the most important thing to me, I swear. Darling, if you-” He said, swallowing the lump in his throat “If you can wait till I get home, I swear that when tomorrow comes this will all be in our past” 

You stared blankly ahead as you heard him say those things. It broke you to your core, but you knew what you had to do. It was the best for both of you. 

“Ash, you know you can’t give me what I need. Not right now and I can’t ask that from you, I would never ask that from you and you know it. Even though you mean so much to me, I need you to be happy, I need to be happy and maybe we thought that we could find happiness together but Ash, this ain’t it”

“Darling, wait-” 

“I love you, but I can’t wait through everything. I can’t keep crying myself to sleep every night wishing for a text, a call, a sign that you are okay. And I can’t ask you to give up your life just to be with me, we both know it’s not going to work and we’ll be miserable-”

“Is this really happening?” Ashton interrupted you. 

He was pacing back and forth in the little room, tears falling freely as he understood the words you were trying to say. You were leaving him. You were leaving him and he couldn't blame you. He knew it was too much to ask but he hoped… if he had tried hard enough, if he hadn’t neglected you the way that he did and invalidating you by not acknowledging your feelings, maybe this wouldn’t be the outcome of his mistakes. 

“I love you,” He pleaded. 

“Ash…”

“No, Y/N!” I know, I fucked up but please! Please, darling, don't leave me” He begged “I swear I’ll never be happy again, not even if we stay friends so don’t even dare to say that. Y/N. I love you. I love you, darling. You are the love of my life and -” He choked, overwhelmed with grief of what he just lost.

“Ash, please don’t make it harder” You cried, silently as your heart broke in a thousand pieces “We knew it’d happen eventually”

“No we fucking didn’t! I didn’t! I want you in my life, Y/N. And I know I sucked at letting you see that but- I swear, if you can wait till I get home, I swear we can make this last, baby. Please” 

You stayed silent, wanting to be able to believe him right now, but knowing this was for the best, even if it hurt, it’s what needed to be done so both of you could be happy. And you want nothing more than for him to be happy and free to do whatever he wants, even if it breaks your heart.

“Goodbye, Ash. I love you” You said, voice breaking at the end “I’ll always love you”

“Y/N, don’t-” He pleaded one last time before you ended the call “FUCK” He yelled, throwing the phone to god knows where. 

He lost you. 

Luke, Calum and Michael came running towards the room when they heard Ashton yell. However, they didn’t expect to find their friend sitting on the floor, sobbing as he started to hyperventilate. 

“Mate, what happened?” Ashton took a big breath.

“I fucked up, Cal” He said with a voice as broken as his heart “I fucked up and I don’t know if I can fix it”

Part 2

[asterkiss]

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” Mabill, please. 😊

Zombie AU, anyone? 

- VULNERABILITY

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

Mable Pines evaded another flesh-hungry zombie as she ran through the abandoned streets of Gravity Falls. A lot can change in a couple of days, and having a zombie apocalypse explode out of nowhere certainly changed a lot.

For one thing, she was currently all alone.

Wendy was currently incapacitated back at the Shack with two broken legs (long story); Dipper had been unfortunately kidnapped by a cult (an even longer story); and to top it all off their newfound ally Bill Cipher was fucking dead. 

She’d probably need several hours to explain that last part.

But to give the short version:-

It had only been a couple of months since the demon had taken on a human vessel and shenanigans had ensued between him and their family. A lot had transpired but to cut to the eventuality of it all, Mabel had actually grown close to the demon and considered him sort of, well, a friend.

(But that was it. Just a friend. Nothing more―no matter what he might suggest otherwise).

Despite that, even until the end Mable found herself continuing to question whether he really had changed. 

Apparently his way of proving that was to throw himself into a hoard of zombies so that she could escape unharmed.

Talk about making a point, huh?

(But seriously she was very upset about it).

Using her grappling hook, Mable equipped the ever useful device to scale the  building of an abandoned warehouse. Breaking an already cracked window, she climbed inside. Mable had the feeling people wouldn’t be bothered too much by her trespassing when there were bigger fish to fry in town right now.

Her reason for coming here to begin with was because she had bumped into Tambry who had apparently caught size of a group fitting the description of Dipper’s kidnappers visiting this place yesterday morning. 

So it was, Mable cautiously searched the abandoned warehouse, eventually making her way up a flight of stairs and into a room that oversaw the entire building. There didn’t seem to be any sign of Dipper, only remnants of abandoned supplies and machinery. 

Her foot tapped against something and she lowered her flashlight only to gasp at the sight of a body. Unfortunately, this was only one of many she had seen in the past couple of days. He didn’t even look that old either as he stared ahead vacantly.

Mable paid him a small blessing in her mind as she turned to continue searching.

Except something then grabbed her foot.

Ah.

Dropping her head down she found the dead body suddenly wasn’t so “dead” anymore as the light haired corpse groaned into movement whilst its cold fingers grasped at her ankle. Oh hell no. Mable quickly yanked her foot free and backed away, rushing for another door that lead out onto the walkway.

Luck was not on her side however as Mable flung the door open only to find another zombie stood loitering outside, its head hanging to one side. This one was older, probably a middle-aged gentleman as it turned its head to regard her arrival, eyes alighting with hunger.

Oh crap.

She retreated away from the door, peering behind her to find the first zombie was now standing. That way was blocked. Her head snapped back around as the older one lurched forward too close for comfort. She quickly held out her grappling hook and released it, the metal portion firing and hitting it square in the chest which caused it it to stumble. Score.

Mable turned on her heel only to freeze at the sight of shot gun directed her way. Her eyes wandered past the barrel of the gun and towards the individual holding it only for her gaze to land on none other than the zombie itself. Wait, what? 

The gun fired and she flinched as the shot rang out loudly throughout the room and building. When she turned her head, she found the other zombie directly behind her, apparently having recovered from her attack. What it couldn’t recover from however was the the fresh bullet hole in its skull as it slowly toppled over onto the floor. Dead for good this time. 

When she peered back cautiously towards the other undead in the room and met its gaze, its lips slowly stretched into a lazy grin.

‘Sup.’

‘Wha― Wait, Billl!?’

‘In the flesh,’ he shot back with a laugh, tapping his chest as he lowered the weapon. ‘This flesh to be more precise.’

‘Oh my god are you possessing a dead body right now?’ she cried, regarding him ludicrously. 

‘Well yeah, my old vessel got torn to pieces by those rabid cannibals―you’re welcome for that by the way―so I decided to shop around for something fresher. Lucky me, I found this one right by ya.’

‘You have part of your throat missing.’

‘I’ll hide it with a scarf.’

‘And I can see part of your intestines hanging out.’

'That can be patched up,’ he replied breezily, clearly having no qualms about his actions. 

Mable sighed as she regarded his new "form”. The body he inhabited couldn’t have been dead for that long as it still had some colour left in it and didn’t stink yet. Also, whilst it pained her to admit it, had this body been alive and intact its definitely a guy she would have considered hot. So in a way she was thankful he had part of his organs hanging out, it sobered her up and made her less inclined to think Bill was attractive.

‘See something you like?’ he asked, wiggling his eyebrows as she continued to stare.

Mable rolled her eyes. ‘That’s creepy coming from a dead body.’

‘Would you rather I possess a living one?’

‘Why do you have to possess anybody at all?’ she protested. ‘Are you really that desperate to cause drama, even during a zombie apocalypse?’

He frowned. ‘That’s not why I’m back.’

‘Oh yeah?’ she gave him a flat look, clearly in disbelief.

‘It’s true!’ he retorted. ‘Hand on my― well, this guy’s heart!’

When she continued to side-eye him, Bill released an aggravated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. ‘Urgh, you never make things easy. You’re seriously gonna make me be honest and crap? I hate that stuff.’

‘Yeah, how awful,’ she deadpanned.

He released a grumble, looking very much uncomfortable as he muttered something.

‘What?’

‘...d... ou....’

‘You seriously need to speak up dude, I can’t hear a thing.’

‘I’m fond of you!’ he snapped, eyes flashing as he pinned with a glare. ‘There, I said it. Are you happy!?’

Mable blinked in surprise at his admission. Well that she certainly hadn’t expected. She could tell he was uncomfortable at his own words and though she wanted to make a witty comment or joke, the girl knew that wouldn’t be fair to the demon who had clearly displayed some vulnerability to confess such a thing.

‘Really?’ she asked.

‘I just said so, didn’t I?’ he huffed, folding his arms. ‘Why else do you think I scarified my old vessel to rescue you? I’ve no idea what I’d do if I lost you.’

Oh wow. Mable felt her heart actually skip a beat and quickly reminded herself that this was still Bill even if he was saying the first sweet thing in probably centuries.

‘You like me,’ she stated, feeling the words on her own tongue. It felt nice to say them. Slightly funny, even. 

Bill grumbled some words, refusing to look her way. Was he embarrassed? Seriously? 

'Well, I like you too,’ she admitted, feeling she could show a little vulnerability in front of him if he was. His gaze wandered in her direction, a look of suspicion lacing his expression. 

‘You do?’

‘Yeah. I don’t really know why,’ she added, offering a wry smile. ‘But I was upset when you died so I’m kinda happy to see you again.’ Even if it was by possessing a dead body during these drastic times.

Mable could have sworn she saw the hints of a genuine smile beginning to form on his face at her admission, only for it to be quickly dampened as he unfolded his arms and straightened up. ‘Hmph, well luckily for you the main hero has returned to this mess of a show.’

‘Oh yeah?’ She watched as he tucked away his true feelings behind a facade once more. Looks like feelings time was over. And she was okay with that. It made her feel weird too. They could go back to being snark and comfortable.

‘Yep. So let’s go and save your dumb brother, for if my name ain’t Bill Cipher! All powerful and omnipotent demon, destroyer of dreams! Mwahahaha!!!’

‘Hey, Mr Destroyer of Dreams, you dropped one of your kidneys.’

‘Wait, what?’

‘Blehh, that’s so gross. I think I might seriously throw up.’

‘It’s fine, I’ll shove it back in! No harm done. See?’

‘No, keep it away from me! Bill!!’

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 11x03: Hunted - Details

Okay, let's talk details. At the beginning, nearly everyone gets hurt and then gets separated.

 ***As always, spoilers abound below for episode 11x03: Hunted. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

I noticed that in the opening credits, we now see the two rows of hanging bodies to represent the Reapers.

Maggie:

Elijah tries to help Maggie but is yanked backward and disappears. We don’t see him the rest of the episode. I really hope he’s okay. ☹

When Maggie is walking around alone, we see a car with an open door that's emphasized. It reminds me very much of this shot from 5x09.

@wdway​ also noticed some chevron symbols in the parking lot. (Chevron Theory)

She passes the dumpster before she actually gets into the mall building. That might be called back to Glenn. She also uses glass alcohol bottles as a warning system. I'm sure I don't have to explain the parallels there.

There's definitely a rat thing going on here, which is important because of 10x21, but I can tell you that we see (hear) it in episode 11x04 as well. I just noticed the subtitles tell us that there are rats squeaking quite a lot. After finding Negan and Alden, Negan pushes for Alden to be left behind. He doesn’t like being on the road. He says the plan is bad and unsafe.

Then they hear screaming and run toward Agatha. Duncan is hurt and clearly not going to make it. He says, "We were good. We were lucky." Both Beth lines. Maggie puts him down after promising to get Agatha home.

Now, that’s interesting to me. I said yesterday that we’re seeing a replay of Beth through many of these story lines, and I focused on Alden as a proxy. But I think Agatha is one, too. Just the fact that they talk about getting her “home,” makes her a proxy. Meanwhile, she doesn’t make it “home.” She’s bitten by a walker and left behind…in a mob of walkers. This is also where Negan drags Maggie away while she screams, “no!” Maybe indicative of her emotional response (not to mention her screaming in the parking lot of Grady) over losing Beth?

Jumping back a bit, before Agatha’s death, Maggie’s group travels through the woods. Negan and Maggie have an interesting exchange. Negan says of himself, "people change." Maggie says that no they don't.

So once again, it's called back to Beth dialogue, but Maggie is specifically harboring a belief that was the opposite of Beth's. That people don't and can't change. It's obvious that Maggie is on a very destructive path right now. She doesn’t really have faith in people, or faith that everything will work out okay. We can't be sure where this is going, but it's interesting. As I've said before, I'm sure this attitude of hers will probably end up causing drama down the road.

They happen upon a burnt walker that's tied to a tree with the sign that says Judas over his head. This super interesting. I know I have a lot of asks about this in my inbox. My first reaction is that we can tie it to the burnt walkers from 6x06, which was bursting with Beth symbolism. Since it’s obviously the CRM who was responsible for those burnt walkers, you have to wonder if there's a CRM tie here. 

We might also be able to tie this to the Governor’s episodes in 4a, where he found several decapitated corpses wearing military attire that also had signs near them like ‘murderer’ and ‘rapist.’ If nothing else, this shows that someone in the area is actually burning people for betrayal and labeling them as Judas. Doesn't exactly bode well for our group. But we don't know whether this was the Reapers or somebody else.

***Update: I wrote most of this post before seeing episode 11x04. I still think we can tie this burnt walker thematically to 6x06 and the CRM, but in terms of what is literally happening in this season, let’s just say this burnt walker will make a lot more sense after watching 11x04. I don’t want to give spoilers beyond that.***

Just before Maggie's group reaches the chapel they end up leaving Alden at, they pass green car. I don't think it's a Gremlin, like the one we saw in 7x05, but it's the same shade of green. 

And of course, we see the cross outside the church. Beth was wearing a cross bracelet in the hallway of Grady when she was shot. There are plenty of holes in the roof of the church (Hole in the Roof Theory.) At one point, Alden even says, "I'm dead weight." That was the name of 4x07, the Governor episode where they found the decapitated corpses.

At the chapel, we caught an interesting snippet of dialogue from Negan. He tells Maggie “the sun is going down” and that she’ll have to make a decision. We’ve always thought Beth would return with a dawn theme, which might mean literally that we’ll see her with a sunrise or something. So, it made me wonder if the “night” will be them fighting the conflict with the Reapers and then will return with the new “dawn.” Something like that. It might be literal or just thematic. We’ll just have to wait and see, though.

Maggie finally agrees to leave him behind, but she struggles with it mightily. They even have this really on the nose line where she says, "you better be here when I come back." And he answers, "you better come back." Think about how that would relate to Beth's arc.

Carol:

We see Carol and Kelly returning to Alexandria together. They have this whole thing where Magna thinks Carol is giving Kelly falls hope and wants her stop.

They also seem to be setting up something with Carol and Aaron. I'm not sure what it is. They're kind of at odds in this episode because he wants her to help with the walls and she wants to go track the horses. I thought it was interesting that Angela Kang, during the Inside Look bit, went out of her way to say that Carol and Aaron are not enemies. They're still good friends but they have different ideas about how to deal with the current crisis. I feel like they're setting up an arc with the two of them together.

When Carol was out looking for the horses, she finds Rosita. Rosita is scavenging MUSHROOMS. This part was super interesting because Carol tells her not to pick a certain type of mushroom unless she accidentally wants to make baby cocoa high for about a week. This is meant to be a joke, but it fits into the hallucination theory. I've noticed several mushroom mentions throughout the seasons. It’s an ongoing theme that I think ties into things not being as they seem, or a character to misunderstands or is deceived by something.

As I told my fellow theorists, I sat and thought about this for a minute. It's a little bit odd to me that they included Rosita’s response. When Carol says the mushrooms will make them high, Rosita answers, "yeah, but only for about a week, right?" It's meant to be a funny of course, and it is, but why put in a timeframe for the hallucination?

The only thing I can think of is that maybe it's a hint that the hallucinations or misconceptions people have been laboring under are about to fall away. That includes Daryl and Leah, but we can also extend it to Beth. If she lived, as we think she did, and TF think she died, then their belief in her death fits into the hallucination theory. Just thought that was interesting.

Rosita joins Carol in searching for the horses. At one point, she tells Carol about some dreams she's been having. (Kind of interesting to mention hallucinatory mushrooms and then talk about significant dreams, no?) Apparently, she's been dreaming about Abraham. She says he's trying to tell her something, something she supposed to do, something about Alexandria. But she can't actually hear what he's saying. (Hear no evil.) And just when she gets close enough to hear him in the dream, he gets shot in the head.

This is interesting on so many levels. First of all, dreams. We had the episode 6x12 of FTWD, titles, In Dreams. Abraham is a man Rosita once loved, and has lost. Most obviously, Abraham didn't die of a gunshot to the head. He died when Negan killed him. So, it feels like an excuse to mention someone being shot in the head. And of course Abraham was often a proxy to Beth. I’m definitely side eyeing this.

The other thing about this is that I've been noticing for a while that they have some big arc for Rosita coming up. They’ve done several sequences where she’s searching for weapons but is unable to find them for a time. She usually eventually finds them and uses them to somehow save the day or turn the tide of the conflict. 

We saw this in S7, and the weapon she found was Dwight, who defected and helped them win the war. We saw it during the warehouse sequence in S8 where she and Michonne were trying to stop the singing truck from going to the Sanctuary, and Rosita ended up with the rocket launcher. It’s a pattern that’s been happening for a while. I don't know how this dream of Abraham ties into that, but I’m wondering if this arc they’ve foreshadowed for several seasons is about to start playing out.

I don’t have a whole lot more to say about Carol tracking the horses, as I went over the most important stuff yesterday. I'm assuming that in this episode, that Kelly is equating the dead horses with Connie, and that's what upsets her so much.

After we see the horse run away from them, Kelly says, “fourth time’s the charm,” which means that was the third time they’d attempted it. (Rule of Threes).

When they get back to Alexandria, Carol cuts one of the horse’s throats to slaughter it for food. Aaron comes to help her, and he looks at her very compassionately.

This is also where we get the shot from inside the church with the broken window. We see Kelly come out and hug Magna, but then still go with Carol. Just really interesting symbolism there about her not giving up hope of finding her sister. I can't help but wonder if Kelly will go with Carol to look for Connie and end up finding Beth. That would be super interesting.

It also reminded me of something that happened during S9. There was an episode where Kelly got lost in the woods and Daryl and Connie went to find her. They had this really weird before-the-opening-credits sequence where we saw what was clearly a Whisperer, rather than a normal walker, coming up behind Kelly and reaching out for her, as though she was about to get kidnapped or taken prisoner. But that didn’t actually happen.

When Daryl and Connie find her, she's on her own in the woods and just dehydrated. There's definitely hallucination quality to that sequence, but I’ve always suspected it was a foreshadow of something in the future. Anyway, this is just conjecture and I'm just rambling, but these are some of the thoughts I had while watching the episode.

The kids:

There couple of charming scenes of all the kids playing together. We see them play a card game—Slap Jack, I think—at the kitchen table. Many people have noticed that this kitchen table looks a lot like the one in Alone that we saw in the funeral home. And no, it’s not the same. It doesn’t have a diamond on it, but the material and pattern look similar. Which is kind of interesting.

Actually, to me, the design looks a little reminiscent of the All-Seeing Eye, which is often seen on paper currency. So, it could be part of that theme.

Most of these are just cute scenes and Angela Kang says that part of the reason for them is that they wanted to have Judith and Herschel interact a little bit. People have also pointed out to me that when Herschel asks if any of them have ever been on the road like he was with Maggie, Judith says no, “Not like that.” Actually, she has been, but she was just too little to remember it. But this may have been a subtle reminder of 5x12.

Herschel is clearly worried about his mom and the adults who keep leaving. Judith does her best to console him. Not sure what to make of these conversations in terms of what they foreshadow. Maybe nothing. But I did enjoy watching the scenes.

Father Gabriel:

The man Gabriel kills is named Nichols. (Got that from the subtitles.) We hear him reciting the Lord's prayer as Gabe approaches. I also noticed that his shoes are not on. They are on the ground on the other side of the tree from where he’s sitting. Which might be part of the Lost Shoe/Foot symbolism.

He has an arrow in his stomach (it looks like Daryl’s) and he’s bleeding from the neck. The neck wounds are interesting because Father Gabriel got one too. It's almost as if these two mirror one another.

I mentioned this yesterday, but Gabriel says, "God is not here anymore." Just wanted to mention it again because it will be important to remember for next week when we get into 11x04.

Okay, I think that's all I have in terms of details. Anything I missed?

[hemmingslftv]

Reuniting // M.C. - chapter two

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: drug recovery and drug use, pregnancy and abortion mention, 

Not requested but requests are open

A/N: hi guys! I need to say I’m not too happy about how this one turned out. I had the idea in my mind for so long that I feel like it is so hard to put it into words now. I feel like this isn’t as realistic as I want it to be but I’ve been stuck here and I feel like I owe you a chapter. I may edit this one later or maybe not. Also there may be some typos, I’m sorry about that. Please tell me what you think about it, feedback is very appreciated. Enjoy!

Masterlist

You had spent the last 20 minutes pacing around your house. You didn’t remember a time when you had been this nervous since the day Jake was born. As soon as you heard de doorbell you ran to open the door.

“Hi”, Michael said as you opened it.

“Hey, come inside”, you said feeling a little bit awkward and once you had closed the door you took him on a quick tour around your apartment.

“You and Jake have a nice home, it’s big but cozy at the same time, I like it”

“Thanks! Let’s sit on the couch, I guess I owe you an explanation” you sat facing each other and you took a deep breath trying to figure out how to explain everything that had happened since you two broke up.

“I just don’t really know where to start”, you said, feeling overwhelmed by the situation and covering your face with your hands.

“Hey, you’re shaking. Calm down, it’s just me, okay? You don’t owe me anything, just tell me whenever you’re ready” Michael said as he rubbed your back but instead of calming down you started crying. It wasn’t even a loud cry, tears started to leave your eyes because you finally felt like you weren’t alone in this anymore and you were afraid he would leave again after you spoke. 

“It’s fine, y/n, cry it out” he hugged you tight and you stayed in that position for almost 20 minutes until you could speak normally again. It surprised you how familiar his touch felt even after all this time and how it made you feel at home.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sure you have somewhere better to be”, you said as you sat back in the original position and wiped away the tears left in your cheeks.

“Don’t be sorry, this must have been very hard for you. I’m the one who should be sorry. And I canceled everything for today, I really don’t think there’s anything more important than this”

“But you just released an album, aren’t you supposed to be doing interviews and stuff? I don’t want to harm your career in any way”

“Don’t worry about that it’s just one day and besides, I’m in a band, remember? There are three other guys to take care of things. Just relax, don’t think about any of that. This is what’s important now, okay?” you nodded.

“The thing is that it won’t be just a day and being honest I’m so scared you’ll leave after I tell you but if that’s your decision I guess it’s fine, I can do this alone, I always have and I can’t ask you to do anything after almost 3 years” Michael placed his hand on your chin and lift it up softly.

“I’m not leaving, do you hear me? I’m here now. Start from the beginning and just speak, you’ve always been good at explaining things” you took one last deep breath and started speaking.

“Okay. You know I always respected your decision. When you cut me off your life I knew you were doing it because you needed to, it was the healthy thing to do, we weren’t good for each other at that time. And I want you to know that even after everything that’s happened I think you did the right thing so don’t blame yourself. I mean, look at you! You’re more healthy and handsome than you’ve ever been and that’s what you deserve!” Michael blushed at your words and you couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, Michael! There’s no way you still haven’t gotten used to compliments, you’re a superstar!”

“You know I’m shy! That will never change” he said laughing with you.

“Fair enough. Well, so as I said, this is not your fault, I know you tend to feel guilty about a lot of things and I don’t want you to feel bad about this, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try not to feel bad”

“Perfect. So, as you told me to and as I’m sure you remember since that was the only time you hadn’t been high in more than two weeks, I packed all my stuff and left your house before you came back from that promo trip” he nodded. 

“I went back to live with my parents until I found a new place and then I moved here. I remember it as if it was yesterday. The second night I slept here, when I went to bed I checked my phone as I always do and I had a notification from my period app that said it was late by one week. I thought it probably was because of the stress with the breakup, the move, and everything and so I decided not to think much about it, it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

I kept myself busy with university and I found a job at a bar so I had less free time, I didn’t want to think about us much. It was really hard for me to understand that we were done and I couldn’t call you when I was feeling down or talk to you about things. Also, I had to find new friends and I’m sure all your friends hate me now because I left without an explanation but it was the best thing for you to not have me around anymore so I knew I had to do it”

“I really am sorry about that. I shouldn’t have asked you to distance yourself from them, they were your friends just as much as mine. You must have missed the girls so much, you and Kaykay were practically sisters... that was so selfish”

“Michael, I said it’s okay. I understood why you did it. The thing is that I was trying so hard to focus on other stuff that I was so busy I didn’t realize I never had my period that month. So the next month when the app warned me the next one was supposed to come in two days I literally panicked. I didn’t know who to call because I wasn’t that close to my new friends yet so I just cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor. The next morning I bought a pregnancy test and, as you probably can guess, it was positive. I can’t put into words everything I felt at that moment. I was terrified because I didn’t wanna go through a pregnancy and raise a child all by myself and also because I hadn’t planned it and you know I always plan everything. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days I seriously considered having an abortion but eventually, I decided I was ready to be a mom and I knew I could financially take care of the baby and give him a great life and you know I always said I wanted kids so I figured it had just come a little earlier than I expected but that it was fine.

Once I had decided I was gonna have the baby I called you, and I knew you weren’t gonna pick up the phone but I said to myself I had to at least try. You obviously didn’t pick up so I called my mother instead and she was the most supportive person ever since the first moment she knew. So that’s how things went I guess” 

“Why didn’t you come to see me? You knew I had deleted your number but you could have told me in person”

“Michael you literally told me, and I quote “I don’t want you around anymore, I’m hurting you and that’s the last thing I want to do. I would never forgive myself if things escaleted more than they did last night and I don’t trust myself anymore. I’m gonna get help, I promise. And if I ever feel strong enough I’ll find you and we can try this again. I’m begging you to let me go and don’t ever contact me again. Please forgive me, I love you” and left the house. That was the last time I ever talked to you”

“No, I know that, but I never thought about the possibility that you were pregnant!”

“Me neither, but I was. And all I did was respect your decision”

“You could have come to me, you know I would have taken care of you and the baby”

“I know you would have, and that’s why I didn’t tell you. You needed to focus on yourself so you could be a great dad, and that’s what I told myself”

“But you took away my choice, you decided for me!” Michael said standing up and raising his voice.

“Are you yelling at me right now? You can’t be serious” You stood up too and started yelling back at him too with tears filling your eyes.

“You have no idea how hard it is for me to know that Jake could have had a father but I chose for him not to. I always thought you’d show up someday, you know? Throughout the whole pregnancy and even his first year, every time I got a call from a random number or a knock on the door I expected to find you on the other side. Because YOU told me I needed to give you time to heal and you’d come looking for me when you were ready. So I decided based on your own words that Jake could wait a year for his father if that meant you’d be better for him, for me, and for yourself. But you never showed up. So you don’t get to tell me I’ve taken your choice because this was all your decision”

“I just”

“No, you just what? You have no idea how painful it was to accept you weren’t coming back. And it was even harder because I saw you on the news, I heard you on the radio and every time it felt like I was the bad one for keeping Jake a secret but I had to remind myself that it was you who asked me to literally never contact you again”

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry. I guess I’m still processing everything and it just hurts to know that I haven’t seen him grow up and I’ve lost the first years of his life because of the stupid addiction”

“Believe me. I get that. And I am sorry about it but what was I supposed to do? You had finally decided to get help and I couldn’t be the one to ruin that”

“You did the right thing, I’m sorry. I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve always done for me. I’ve thought about reaching out to you a million times but I thought you probably hated me after everything I put you through, especially that last night. God, you should hate me! I convinced myself you had probably moved on and you deserved someone who would treat you better so I tried to forget about you” Michael confessed in a more quiet tone and sitting back on the couch.

“I don’t hate you Michael, I want you to know I forgive you. You weren’t yourself, those were the drugs talking and I know you would have never done any of that sober”

“But still, it never should have happened. Earlier, when you let me hug you, I felt so relieved because I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with me touching you ever again. I am so deeply sorry” his voice cracked and this time it was you hugging him and rubbing his back.

“We’re past that now, okay?” you said once he had calmed down.

“Does he know who I am?” Michael asked.

“What?”

“Jake. What does he know about his father?”

“Oh, at first I didn’t talk to him about you because I didn’t know what to say but my mother convinced me it was important for him to know from a young age just so he wouldn’t be confused. So I told him you were a musician and that you were on a really long trip but you would eventually come back. My parents have always helped me a lot with him so he has never been lonely and he didn’t ask about you until recently. But the past few months he has been saying he wanted you to come back”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think it is because he’s noticed how in kindergarten most kids have two parents and he has just one around” 

“Do you want me to be around, y/n? I mean, I imagine this can be a lot of change, going from single parent to us being two but I want to be there for him. I want to take care of him but I feel like this should be a decision we have to make together, I can’t just come into your lives without permission after being gone for so long. So I’m asking you if I can, please, be in your life again” you stared into Michael’s eyes and you knew he was being sincere, you could tell he really wanted this and how serious he was about it.

“Yes, of course. I’d love for you to be Jake’s dad and I’m sure he’ll like you”

“Thank you so much. I promise I will never let you down again. However, I need to say I don’t know how to be a parent. I’ve always been good with kids but they weren’t mine so I don’t know”

“Don’t worry about that, just be you and it will come as an instinct. You know it will take most of your time, right? I mean, this is not like taking Rose for a walk or something, you need to be here for him all the time. If you come into his life you need to promise me you will stay, okay?”

“I promise, I want us to be a family. Do you really think he’ll like me?” Michael asked with a hopeful tone on his voice.

“I’m so sure he will, you two have a lot of things in common”

“Oh, we do?”

“Yep, he loves videogames, just like his father”

“Really?” Michael said getting more and more excited about all of this making you giggle.

“Yeah and he also loves your music”

“He’s listened to our music?”

“Of course! I didn’t say I liked your music because you were my boyfriend, I really love it so I listen to it and also I wanted him to have you a little bit closer”

“That’s so sweet of you, you’re amazing” you smiled at his words.

“Do you know what else you have in common? You’re middle name”

“You did not!”

“Oh yes, I did. I hadn’t even thought about it until I was registering the name but I guess it was the hormones or something and I thought since he didn’t have your last name he should have your middle name”

“Jake Gordon, oh my god poor boy!”

“I know!” you said and you both started laughing.

“So, is it okay if I stay for lunch and I spend the afternoon getting to know him?” Michael asked after a few minutes.

“I think it would be better if I talked to him first. As you saw yesterday, he’s a shy kid and I believe it will be easier for him if I prepare him. You may have to be patient, it takes him a while to be comfortable around new people”

“Oh, that’s okay, I get it, I was a shy kid too” Michael said but you noticed a sad tone on his voice, you could tell he was disappointed he had to wait one more day to spend time with Jake.

You and Michael spent the rest of the morning talking about how your lives had changed these past few years and you showed him pictures and videos of Jake. When it was time he left and you agreed he would come again the next afternoon. You didn’t want to get your hopes up because you had been waiting for this moment so much time it didn’t even feel real but you were too excited about Michael being around you couldn’t help it and you started imagining how things would be from now on. 

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

How Kurt Cobain

PART TWENTY-SEVEN OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: drinking, anxiety about future, plentiful pop culture references, this is the product of intense writer’s block so who knows its quality honestly 

Word Count: 4.3K

Summary: Ella takes a morning walk through Philly. Then, she takes Jess to Lane’s wedding.

Tangled beneath the sheets, Ella awoke with the sunlight streaming through Jess’s window and into her closed eyes. She squinted as she cleared her throat and shifted to find Jess’s side of the bed empty. Furrowing her brows, she raked a hand through her messy hair and sat up against the green wall, Nietzche’s eyes looking over her almost comically. Still, she found no Jess in the room, though the door was slightly ajar. The smell of coffee drifted in from the kitchen. She worried frantically if she had missed her interview with the Dean.

“Jess?” she called.

After only a moment, he waltzed in with the paper in one hand and a mug in the other. He smirked when he saw the scowl on her face. Yet another thing he could count on never changing. Ella Stevens was not a morning person. “Yeah?”

“What the hell? Why didn’t you wake me?” she demanded, rubbing at her eyes with both hands.

Jess snickered. “Like it’s so easy. I tried. You told me to fuck off.”

“I did not.”

“Oh, but you did. Twice.”

Groaning slightly, she shook her head at herself. “Sorry.”

“No problem. I’m used to the colorful vocabulary by now,” he shrugged, taking a long sip of his black coffee.

She rushed over to her bag, convinced of her tardiness.

“Woah, where’s the fire?” Jess asked.

“What time is it?”

“Relax. It’s only nine. Your interview isn’t until eleven, right?’ he asked, smug smirk ever-present.

Blowing out a small breath, she nodded. “Yeah. Jesus. I thought it was noon.”

“Why?”

“That’s usually how late I sleep when I forget to set an alarm,” she said, running her fingers through her hair again.

He chuckled. “Well, you’ve got a while. I had to get up to let the poet guy in. There’s donuts in the kitchen. Campus is only a few blocks away. I can walk you there later, if you want.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, she tried to fight the smile which threatened to cross her face. “I don’t need an escort, Mariano.”

“Oh, right. I forgot you know exactly how to get there from here,” he said, feigning understanding.

She rolled her eyes. “I brought a map.”

“That’s cute,” he teased.

“Fuck you.”

“It’s not the twentieth century anymore. Just let me walk you, Stevens.”

“Okay, fine,” she conceded, finally letting herself break into a little grin.

.   .   .

Cloudy light shone through the overcast sky in gray tones, but the air was light. Philadelphia was not due for rain. Ella breathed in the city as they strolled down the sidewalk. It was a little grimy, but so alive. The pulse of the noise and the people made her feel excited, inspired. She would have to draw something of it as soon as she got a moment. Jess had his hands shoved in his pockets, stealing occasional glances at Ella. He saw the same wonder in her eyes that he had when she’d come to visit him in New York all those years ago. A pleasant warmth radiated throughout him, and for just a little while he stopped wondering where they stood with each other, what would happen, about the words they still needed to speak.

She fiddled with the thin strap of her watch as she walked along. “Do you like Philly better than New York?”

He perked his head up as she suddenly broke the silence between them. “Oh yeah. Less people. Better art scene.”

“Really?”

“Definitely. And it also helps that my mom doesn’t live here.”

“Ah,” Ella replied knowingly, nodding slightly. “So, you guys haven’t talked much since the wedding, I take it?”

“Every now and again,” he shrugged.

They turned down a road lined with coffee shops and bookstores. Ella could tell it was a backwards way of getting to campus, but expected nothing less of Jess. It made her want to smile. The more she saw of the city, the more she could tell he belonged. Finally, he had a place where he fit.

“She did call me when April showed up, though,” Jess continued casually.

Ella uttered a small laugh. “Yeah. That was...straight outta left field. She’s a good kid, though. Can recite the whole periodic table in like sixty seconds. She kinda reminds me of my brother.”

“Adam?” Jess asked.

Ella nodded, the warm breeze blowing her bangs back from her face. Her hair was in a low bun, and she was dressed in the same clothes as the day before. Most of her wardrobe wasn’t the most professional. And straight-laced clothes, she thought, were an important balance for her visible tattoos.

“How’s he doin’?”

She shrugged, smiling lightly. “He’s good. Almost done with his junior year. He’s applying to all those big schools. MIT is his top choice, I think.”

“Jeez. Another valedictorian in the family?”

“Maybe. He might get a full ride, especially since…” she paused, biting at the inside of her cheek. Looking over at Jess, she saw his curious expression. He seemed more open than he ever had, comfortable in his own skin. When she continued, her tone was firmer, more direct. “Well, my dad left to live with my uncle in Baltimore a few months ago. It’s just Adam and Fiona back in the house. He’ll get lots of financial aid points for having a single step-parent.”

“Oh, that’s…”

“Yeah. But, I think everyone’s better off,” she said, averting her gaze from him. Again, Jess thought he saw her try and grab for a necklace, but instead she reached up to tug gently at one of her small earrings. “Once the baby thing didn’t work out with Fiona, my dad started drinking more and...I think he realized he’d never...losing my mom. He’s never gonna be the same. Adam’s doing well, though. And Fiona’s doing better. It’s better.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, appraising her with a careful eye. “I’m glad, then.”

“Me too.” She cast him a tiny, reassured smile. “Sorry. That’s heavy stuff and it’s not even afternoon.”

“Nothing for you to be sorry over,” he replied.

Rushing over a crowded crosswalk as the seconds blinked off the timer, Jess took her hand to lead her. She wouldn’t be late, but he could tell she was anxious to get where she needed to be. “We’re almost there.”

He thought for a moment about disentangling their fingers, but she gave his hand a squeeze instead. His heart glowed with nostalgia and hope. The noise around them seemed like music. Cherry trees, which dotted campus, were blooming and they stepped over the petals beneath their feet. Hardly thinking, Jess ran a thumb over the smooth skin of the back of her hand. Her smile grew.

They were approaching the brick building which held the dean of the art school’s office. Students whizzed past them with backpacks and frantic looks. A sense of surrealism dawned on Ella. She was going to end up at an Ivy League, after all. Just a little later than she had once hoped she would. The air smelled clean and damp with spring.

“So,” Jess began, coming to a stop a few feet from the walkway which led to the double doors, “after this, you’re all set?”

“Guess so,” she said, slightly breathless with the moment.

He hummed, looking around him. “Y’know, this morning, I was thinking-”

“That’s a bad sign,” Ella interjected.

Jess rolled his eyes. “Age has not helped your stand-up material, Stevens.”

“I disagree,” she said shortly. “Please, continue.”

He sighed heavily, separating their fingers and running a hand over his mouth. “Well, you don’t have a place to live here yet, right?”

“Not yet.”

“I was thinking maybe you’d want to come live with us. Above Truncheon,” he said, spitting out the words as fast as he could.

Ella’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really?”

Jess nodded shyly. “My bed’s big enough. And I don’t have that much stuff; there’s room for you. Chris already loves you. I’m sure Matthew wouldn’t mind either. And your sketches are down in the main room anyway. We could put a price on them and...only if you want to. I know it’s a lot to process, so you don’t need to answer right now or anything.”

Her eyes were calculating as she gathered her thoughts. “Just so I’m clear...you want us to get back together. And you want us to live together in your apartment. With Matthew and Chris. Above Truncheon.”

“Yes,” Jess confirmed, tone growing more confident, though his heart was beating painfully against his ribs.

“Are you sure? I mean...we haven’t seen each other in two years. Maybe time has corrupted me,” she said, voice serious despite her weak joke.

Again, he sighed. “I think we were both pretty corrupted to begin with-”

“How Kurt Cobain of you.”

“And I don’t care how long it’s been. We’ve got a lot to make up for. I feel like I’ve been waiting for you forever. And I’m tired of waiting. I’m ready to try again. Really try, this time. But only if you are. Only if you want this too,” he said.

A familiar nausea rose in his throat, and his hands began to shake. The only other time he’d taken such a leap of faith, it hadn’t gone over well. But everything was different. He was settled, with a steady income. She had graduated, and was finally embracing her dreams. His foolish hope persisted, even still. When he’d woken up next to her again, in a bed which he’d bought himself, and eaten breakfast with her, read morning papers with her, he could think of nothing he wanted more. Communication, he reminded himself. Open and honest communication. Even if he still wanted to roll his eyes at just the thought of Luke’s self-help nonsense.

“And,” he continued, when she hadn’t said a word, was only turning thoughts over in her head silently, “you don’t have to say anything now. I...dammit. I should’ve done this after your interview. I just got caught up after yesterday and this morning. I wasn’t sure if I’d see you later and...I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m sorry. Really, you don’t have to say anything-”

“Jess,” she interrupted, finally locking eyes with him again. “Just shut up for a second.”

“Okay.”

After chewing on her thumb nail for a moment, she blew a breath out through her nose with finality. “Can I get cactuses again? There was no place for them at Lane’s. And, Jesus, you guys have got to organize your living room. I mean, the kitchen and your bedroom are okay. But I have no idea how you guys even find anything. The piles of paperwork on the table are, like, seven feet high.”

A slow grin formed on Jess’s face, and the worry began to clear from his brown eyes. “You can do whatever you want, Stevens.”

“Truer words never spoken,” she agreed earnestly. “You better make room for my fucking records then, too. They’ve been living in my car for way too long.”

Jess chuckled, nodding slightly. His eyes lingered on her lips. “I was thinking about kissing you, just now. Is that okay?”

Ella thought her heart would melt at his words. “Go for it, Mariano.”

Jess brought his hands to her waist and kissed her. For the first time in years. Ella smiled into it, pressed against him. It tasted sugary-sweet, from the donuts they’d eaten. Her fingers tangled into his hair, longer and less greasy than she remembered. But it felt much the same. A tingly joy began in her stomach and then spread throughout her body, new and old and welcome and perfect.

.   .   .

Of all the people not to be at Lane’s wedding, Ella did not expect Luke to miss it. For some reason, he was still out of town for April’s field trip. Not that it was any of her business, but she couldn’t help be slightly irritated at his absence. However, she wasn’t entirely alone. Though Lane and the other people in her life weren’t exactly sold on him, Ella had taken a shot in the dark and invited Jess. At Mrs. Kim’s millionth reference to her loneliness, her lack of a date, Ella had finally let it slip to Lane. She had seen Jess again. They were talking on the phone every single night. She was set to move in with him in a week. And, soon, she was calling him up. Hearing the surprised tone of his voice, his apprehension to come back to town. But, honestly, he’d caved a little quicker than she thought he would. All it had taken was her offering to try Hemingway again. And Kerouac. She knew she was going to absolutely loathe the latter, but it would be worth it.

As the ceremony ended, most of Lane’s family, including her mother, left the gathering in town square. None of them were eager to party with the townies. Kirk revealed the white food truck parked on the street opposite the gazebo to actually be the bar. He was exploring business ownership, and Yummy Bartenders was his most recent endeavor. Lorelai, without Luke and somehow having ended up with Rory’s father, Christopher, as her date, flocked straight to the alcohol. It made Ella snort a laugh, but inside, it made her heart ache. Luke and Lorelai had taken so long to get together. And now, things were headed nowhere good. A hot, dry sunlight shone down on them in yellow tones, and soon the sky would darken. Everyone’s mood had changed as soon as they left the church. Lorelai ripped off the bottom half of Lane’s dress, revealing her calves joyfully. Standing beside Ella, Rory let out a hoot of excitement and rushed over to the new bride. Snickering, Ella took the long pin from her low bun and let her blonde waves loose down her back.

Jess tucked her hair behind her ear gently as they both took a moment to breathe. The church had been stuffy and hot, filled to the brim with people. The air was no cooler, but at least there was a wide open space to mingle in. Grabbing his hand, Ella ventured a glance at Jess. As soon as his rusty Ambassador had rolled into town three hours earlier, she could sense how anxious he was. Maybe just being in Stars Hollow made him uncomfortable, or maybe it gave him too many flashbacks to his own mother’s wedding.

“You okay? I have the key to the diner, if you wanna go. I called Luke earlier and he said we could stay in the apartment. I’ll be up there later,” she said, tone apologetic.

Jess shook his head. “No. I’m fine. Just don’t know where we should sit.”

“Next to Miss Patty?” she asked. The dance teacher had noticed her across the way, and Ella waved back at her.

“She’ll eat me alive,” Jess sighed. “What about with Rory and Lorelai?”

Narrowing her eyes, Ella considered it. Then, she bit the inside of her cheek for a moment. “I don’t know. I haven’t been so close with them recently. And I don’t know if I wanna get in the middle of the happy family back together.”

“Fair enough,” Jess agreed. “Alright. Miss Patty and Babette, then. But I’m counting on your protection.”

Her grin grew wicked. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m your knight in shining polyester.”

.   .   .

Hep Alien was on fire, despite the wasted state of every single band member. Balmy breezes blew and Ella’s flushed skin was finally beginning to cool down. The night was dark and the sky clear. Every so often, her eyes flicked to Rory, Lorelai, and Christopher’s table. Sookie and Jackson had been sitting with them, but they had long since left. Without Ella to babysit the kids, they’d had to hire a new girl. Jackson could barely handle the nerves at a random high-schooler watching his babies. Ella twirled her rings nervously on her fingers, while Patty, Babette, and Maury chain-smoked across the centerpiece floral arrangement. Jess, at her side, had his arm around her shoulder. He stroked her upper arm absently.

He raised an eyebrow and followed her gaze to Rory. “What’s with you?”

“Hm?” she asked, blinking the reverie from her eyes. Facing him again, Ella was struck by how much more mature he looked. Back in Stars Hollow, but as a man with a publishing business and a decently neat bedroom of his own. Despite the uneasiness brewing in her stomach, she also felt pride appear. It didn’t shock her where he ended up. But it still made her feel such joy to see him successful and content.

Jess nodded in the direction of the Gilmores, three tables over. “Did something happen between you guys? Is it why you weren’t a bridesmaid?”

Ella shook her head. “No. I wasn’t a bridesmaid because Mrs. Kim hates me with the fire of a thousand suns. I mean, my outfit alone is probably enough for her to condemn me.”

Giving Ella a once-over, Jess smirked wider. Her camisole dress was black, with small pink flowers embroidered on it. It had thin spaghetti straps and fell above her knees. Of course, there were no heels on her shoes, black leather ballet flats. The ensemble was so very Ella, along with her dark eye makeup. And, it was true, Mrs. Kim was not a fan of anything which could be described as ‘so very Ella.’

“It does give off a certain Beetlejuice vibe,” Jess agreed.

“The best compliment you’ve ever given me,” she said lightly, then turned back to the crowd of wedding-goers. “But...I don’t know. Rory slept with Dean when he was married and then took a year off from Yale and stole a boat.”

“What?” Jess chirped, almost choking on the watery soda he sipped. He’d debated going to the bar, but decided against it. Best not to get drunk in the town where everyone hated you. Especially when your long lost girlfriend didn’t drink anyway.

A certain sadness came to Ella’s smile, shrinking slightly. She tugged at her earring. “Yeah. And she was fighting with Lorelai forever. They weren’t talking. I’m also pretty sure the guy Rory’s dating now is some trust fund kid from Yale with a porsche.”

“Ugh,” Jess grimaced, unable to hold back his distaste.

“We’re just...different. We grew up. Went in different directions. I mean...Lane and Rory are still best friends. I was friendly with her at a bachelorette party last night. But it’s weird now. I can’t...I don’t really know her anymore, I guess.”

Jess nodded.

She shrugged again, deflective. “I still love Lorelai. But I haven’t seen her much lately, since Luke didn’t want her to meet April, which is a whole different beast. Things...changed. But, hey, maybe I changed too.”

“You did,” Jess said. “But not in a bad way.”

She scoffed, gently plucking at the collar of his white button-up. He wore with it black pants, completing their gothic look when they stood together. Ella knew, though, that both of their outfits came cheap and basic. That’s why they had them. Of course, he still refused to wear a tie of any kind. “You too. Still a jackass, though.”

“Glad you see me in such a positive light.”

“But, in an arguing-with-me-about-Kerouac kind of way. Not in a gnome-stealing, running-off-to-California kind of way,” she explained, feeling goosebumps rise on her pale skin where his fingertips still brushed against her arm.

As much as Jess lived in his words, touch had always been such a major form of communication with him. Older and able to judge it more easily, Ella could see it. It calmed him down, made him feel safe. She could understand that. It was what happened when someone grew up in a place where they were often touched in anger.

“Well, the Kerouac defense will never change. He’s a genius,” Jess insisted mockingly.

Ella rolled her eyes, leaning back against him. “You’re impossible.”

“Right back at ya.”

The band began one of their familiar White Stripes covers. Ella couldn’t count how many times she’d heard it over the years, during nightly practice. It was so odd to see Lane in a wedding dress, all grown up. A nostalgic smile ghosted over her lips and she sighed. Neither she nor Jess said a word for a long while, comfortable in each other’s grasp. June crickets and cicadas sung, mixing with the sound of Zach’s vocals. Patty and Babette laughed heartily at something across the table. The air smelled of cigarettes and beer and summer-cut grass. Soon, the song faded away and Zach played the opening chords to something different, something Ella hadn’t heard him play in a long time. “Sweet Thing” by Van Morrison, a cover they’d attempted after Ella moved in, when she’d let Lane hear one of her Jeff Buckley live albums, on which he did his own cover of the song. She broke into a full grin. It was the perfect song for a late-night wedding reception, romantic and long and calm.

Jess seemed to notice her brightening up at the tune, as he sat up and faced her with a mysterious smile. “You wanna dance?”

She snorted a disbelieving chuckle. “Excuse me?”

“Do you wanna dance? I know you like this song.”

Ella raised her eyebrows. “Liking the song is one thing. Subjecting everyone to the horrifying visual of my dance moves is another.”

He rolled his eyes, standing up and extending a hand to her. “So dramatic. It’s a slow song. And we didn’t dance at Liz and TJ’s wedding. Making up for lost time.”

“Fine,” she sighed, taking his hand, and letting him pull her up. “But it’s your funeral.”

“I like to live dangerously,” Jess said, leading her to the dance floor.

“Whatever, James Dean.”

Before they were out of range, Miss Patty blew a stream of bluish smoke in their direction and gave a bark of haughty laughter. “I’d watch out for her, young man. Have you heard about the domino incident of 1992? Ella made the Gazette. Her talents run more towards the musical.”

His smirk grew. “I’ve been warned.”

They passed Lorelai on the way, lingering by the bar and sipping her Manhattan. Tumbler filled with cherries, sugar on the rim. The sight almost made Ella want to chuckle, almost grimace. The drink looked as sweet as cotton candy, but she would expect nothing less of a Gilmore woman. More than half of the sleepovers she’d had with Rory involved a midnight raid of the kitchen. S’mores pop tarts were one of Ella’s personal favorites. Lorelai reached out an arm to stop them, wavering drunkenly on her feet.

“Ugh, I can’t believe Sid Vicious is back,” she slurred to Ella, pointing at Jess angrily.

With Lorelai so close to her face, Ella could smell the tequila on her breath. “I told you before. He’s got more of a Richard Hell vibe, in my opinion.”

Jess blushed, but said nothing. He only tightened his grip on Ella’s hand.

“Your uncle is out of town,” Lorelai continued, facing Jess.

“That he is,” Jess said shortly. Time had passed, but it was clear Lorelai still wasn’t quite over her contempt for him. Though, he could definitely recognize what an asshole he’d been as a teenager.

Lorelai laughed bitterly. “He’s with his daughter. Who Ella’s met and you’ve met and Rory’s met. And I haven’t met!”

Searching her head for a careful response, Ella was utterly relieved when Rory came up from behind her mother.

“Hey, mom, let’s get some coffee for you, why don’t we?” Rory asked, voice bouncy and nervous.

“You got her?” Ella raised her eyebrows at Rory as she took her mother by the shoulders and began steering her away.

“Oh, I guess we’re going over here now,” Lorelai muttered in drunken surprise.

“Yeah, go have fun,” Rory answered with a little wink, disappearing into the crowd with her mother, headed for the table where her father and some steaming coffee sat.

Blowing out a long breath, Jess shook his head. “I take it that she and Luke aren’t seeing eye to eye.”

“Understatement of the year,” Ella scoffed. “No matter where she and Luke are though, I think you’ll always be a portrait of Sid Vicious to her.”

“Not even with the haircut?” he asked as they made it to the edge of the wooden dance floor.

“Not even with the haircut,” she replied with a smug smirk.

With a heavy breath, Ella placed her hands on the back of Jess’s neck as he brought his hands to her waist. She felt glad Hep Alien’s version of the song was nearly ten minutes long; it would have nearly been over after Patty’s warning and Lorelai’s ramblings if not.

“Don’t worry, Elle. Just follow my lead,” Jess said quietly, beginning to sway side to side, taking small steps.

“Shut up, I’m focusing,” she hissed, watching her feet.

He chuckled slightly. “Relax. Just look at me.”

Sighing again, Ella managed to drag her gaze away from her shoes and up to Jess’s big brown eyes.

“Hi,” he whispered, smiling fondly.

“Hi,” she replied, feeling the anxiety in her stomach lessen slightly. “Deja-vu, huh?”

“Maybe a little,” he said, shrugging. “But I’d say things are looking a little sunnier now.”

“Still finding those silver linings.” Ella gave him an affectionate peck on the lips.

Why was she nervous?, she asked herself. She didn’t need to be. Maybe it was the future creeping up on her, or her exit from the only place she had ever lived only a week away. But, as she looked at Jess, she felt her heartbeat slow. And her lips even turned up a touch at the corners. Where she was going, he’d be.

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Happy Father’s Day

What a special episode this turned out to be!

It was Father’s Day on this edition of Kermit and Friends, and Elisa managed to get her dad Craig to show up for the occasion!

This was actually Craig’s first time ever on the show, including the original run of Kermit and Friends, which had over 300 episodes. He was such a great sport about everything and you could see where Elisa got both her beautiful smile and festive nature from.

Craig is pretty much a lifetime musician/performer. Elisa is named after the Beethoven song Für Elise and Craig has been in many bands, from Beatles cover bands to playing back-up for Elisa and Benjy’s concerts in New York City.

That’s pretty much the extent I know about Mr. Craig. He really seems like an awesome guy though. He wonderfully performed Big Boss Man by Jimmy Reed and Memphis by Chuck Berry. You could sincerely see his talent shine through with these performances, even with the limitations of an Ipad mic. Very impressive, and good taste in music too!

But of course, what everyone really wanted to see was Craig interact with Kermit and Friends guests, and most of all... with Andy Dick.

Before Craig had the opportunity to meet Andy though, he first got to meet Eric Riggs!

Somehow, Craig heard about Eric’s threat to chop Elisa’s head off last week, so he had some preconceived notions about the guy, to say the least. Eric started off the conversation with Craig with both good news and bad news. The good news was that Eric had a meeting with his Rabbi recently, and the bad news is that as long as Andy Dick is involved with Kermit and Friends, the “Jews” will never fund the show. Uh oh!

Eric would pop on and off throughout the rest of the episode with both calls and on-cam appearances from his car (supposedly in Los Angeles). Eric would mostly just rant about Andy and talk about things no one had a clue what he was referring to. From Andy sacrificing kids to Jews being the only good people in the World... Eric was basically Eric I guess. If you’re an Eric fan, he did not let you down yesterday.

But if you thought there was any chance of Eric saving face after Craig heard the rumors of his threats towards Elisa, it was not meant to be. Eric made the absolutely worst first impression anyone could ever make with a young lady’s father. You seriously couldn’t write this stuff.... ONLY on Kermit and Friends could this happen!

That said, Andy Dick did not present himself much better to Craig than Eric did.

First, I have to give props to Andy for even showing up. Andy told Elisa 20 minutes before the show that he was going to take a nap, and over an hour into the show, after countless calls and texts from multiple people to try to wake Andy up, nothing was working. I could see the disappointment in Elisa’s face and it broke my heart. Thankfully though just as Elisa was ready to end the show, Andy popped on and Elisa’s beautiful face lit up.

Like I said, Andy was taking a nap so he was understandably a bit weary. Unfortunately, Andy was also a bit grouchy! He cared very little at first that Craig was Elisa’s father. He started the conversation off with a “This is what you raised?” after Elisa asked Andy to adjust his camera. Yikes!

In typical Andy fashion he would almost immediately make up for it by crying over how special Elisa is. “I like when you cry talking about me Andy, can you do that again?” Elisa would politely ask, and then the criticism started all over again, “This is where she’s a little off kilter.”

This is pure comedic gold that can’t be scripted and only Kermit and Friends fans are able to enjoy it. This show deserves and needs more eyes on it. The World is missing out on so much laughter... makes me bummed but also even more grateful that I’m not missing it!

As mentioned, Craig was a great sport about everything. He never took offense to Eric or Andy; he even would get some funny jokes in towards them (”Eric reminds me of Anthony Perkins from Psycho”). Most importantly, you could tell Craig was having a fun time. He smiled all throughout his appearances and I hope in my heart that he felt proud of Elisa for putting on such an entertaining show that’s enjoyed by so many people.

Craig wasn’t the only star on yesterday’s spectacular show though. Kermit made a new friend named Katha Blackwell, author of the book Not Another Victim: A Woman's Guide to Avoiding a Bad Relationship.

Katha primarily focuses on abusive relationships and helping women get through any trauma they’ve endured from any volatile relationships they were a part of. Katha was raised in a household where she saw her mom abused, and it inspired her to try to help other women going through a similar situation. Thankfully Katha’s mother survived and got out, and Katha has been able to use the experience to help others. Beautiful story.

T-Bob not surprisingly was very smitten with Katha. What was surprising though was how charming and poignant T-Bob was with her, complimenting Katha and sharing a story of himself trying to stop an abusive relationship he saw taking place. I would love to see T-Bob show up on Kermit and Friends sober more often, especially since it also helps with his internet connection!

Sigmond and Wappy returned to perform some songs. Wappy did a beautiful rendition of Old Man by Neil Young where Sigmond would only chime in during the chorus. Wappy would later sing Get Out by Sublime and poor Sigmond wasn’t able to contribute anything in that performance! People were very curious what Sigmond actually does in the band. Well, I’ve linked their Soundcloud before where you can actually hear Sigmond read off material he wrote.... I’ll link it again here. Hopefully next week they will perform one of these songs where Sigmond is actually able to participate!

A funny note about Sigmond too yesterday was that he originally wore a plaid shirt that matched the blanket Wappy had hanging up on his wall, which made Sigmond blend in with it. Elisa asked him to change shirts and Sigmond would go on to do so TWICE. It might not sound funny written but visually if you go check it out, it’s hilarious!

Elisa shared a story about how she met the rapper G-Eazy the other night. I’m not going to lie... if it wasn’t for Elisa’s tweets, I most likely would have never heard of this guy, but I know Elisa has a big crush on him and I was happy to hear G-Eazy treated her nicely when they met. Anyone who treats Elisa with kindness is cool in my book! Consider me a fan now, G-Eazy. 

Gonzo made a lot of good calls yesterday. After Craig told some wholesome dad jokes, Gonzo chimed in with his own, “Who’s most likely to have a dead woman buried in his backyard? Sigmond.” Not a nice joke! Gonzo would later change the answer to Eric. Still not nice!

Gonzo’s hero Johnny B would perform Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chaplin twice on the show. The first time was when Andy came on, so the show continued rather than ended as scheduled, and the second time was interrupted by Eric’s incessant rambling, which did not make Johnny B happy!

What a Father’s Day. It was the perfect show, one that will never be forgotten. The first 75 minutes were very sweet and wholesome, and the next 75 minutes were just out of this World comedy where everyone was having the time of their lives. Like I said in last week’s review, when Elisa has fun... we all have fun, and she had a blast yesterday once Andy appeared. It was an all around glorious time, and I can’t wait for next week’s birthday show. Until then... I hope everyone reading this and their dads all had a wonderful Father’s Day. God bless you all. ❤️

[elrielllll]

“Perfect” part 3

A/N: As promised :) Also updates after this should be every Sunday x

Today didn’t start well. 

She was late. Not to mention the pounding headache that came from marking into the early hours of the morning, and possibly a little too much wine.

She huffed as she turned into the car park, pushing her glasses up her face, annoyed that she had to wear them but with that headache she just couldn’t manage contacts.

As she pulled in she saw her parking space, or what it used to be, covered by a pile of bricks. 

Not today. 

Today of all days, not today. She didn’t need some thing else to contend with, she thought as she drove off to find another space.

She was still cursing those builders and the school’s long corridors as she ran, or as she preferred to call it, delicately speed walked to her room.

She only just got there in time before her students spilled into her room and she sat down, ready for a long day of teaching.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Out of all of the 5 years at this school this had been the worst morning by far. The noise and novelty of the build and the very shirtless sweaty builders, she couldn’t get her kids to concentrate for more than 5 seconds. And all of the previously intellectual questions she was used to receiving had now turned into, 

“miss how do you say “you’re hot” in French?”

“how do you ask someone out in French?”

“don’t you think French is a sexy language miss? I reckon if I asked in french first I’d get their number.”

And whilst she tried to ignore her students and act like the professional adult she was, she couldn’t help but think the same things.

But how did they expect her to concentrate? Let alone teach 30 teenagers. 

She came back to Lucien waving a hand in front of her face “Ellie? Earth to Ellie? Where did you go?” 

“Over there,”she grumbled, gesturing in the general direction of the building site, and the people that came with it. 

Lucien groaned, head in his hands, “not you too, I’ve had to deal with the kids all morning.” 

Elain laughed while also internally crying, “why do they all have to be shirtless?” she asked.

Lucien raised his eyebrows,  “Elain, only one of them is shirtless”

Elain froze mid bite of her sandwich, “No I swear there’s more”, but sure enough when she turned to look out of the window Lucien was right. 

And just her luck, It was Azriel.

She threw her head down and groaned. Typical that the first man she would find attractive since Grayson was her sisters boyfriends brother. 

It sounded like soap opera that she had absolutely no intention of being in. 

Lucien laughed and gave her a quick one armed hug ,“hope you’re less distracted the rest of the day” he said with a wink as headed off. 

But she wasn’t. By the end of the day Elain wanted the builders gone. After only one day dealing with them and being embarrassed by her class, she was fed up. 

So much so that she found herself walking towards the site and the one builder left.

“Hey!” she shouted as she neared, “ are you trying to make my job impossible? Have you ever had to deal with 30 teenagers at once? Well let me tell you it’s not easy, It’s like being in a pit of snakes!”

She stopped the man turned around and familiar hazel eyes met hers.

She stopped, unsure. Should she really be shouting at her sister’s friend?Azriel opened his mouth to speak but she carried on,

“And now with the noise, killing my head and making it a nightmare to teach, especially a different language! And if you wouldn't mind-” 

She stopped her rant as she looked at him. Still shirtless, taking in the tattoos and the muscles and the sheer size of him towering over her. She took a shaky breath and looked at the point on the wall over his shoulder, deciding that it was the only safe place to look.

She finished her rant significantly quieter, “-putting a shirt on”

She let her eyes flick back to him as she saw him reach down for a shirt and pull it on. 

She wasn’t looking at his tattoos swirling up and down the planes of his chest. 

She wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, his deep voice going right through her, “I’ll talk to my guys and we’ll see what we can do about the noise.”

Elain nodded, now daring to make eye contact, “thank you ,” she said, feeling ashamed of shouting, It wasn’t his fault and she knew that, but he happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

She stuck out her hand, “I’m Elain by the way,”

“Feyre’s sister,” he nodded as he took her small hand in his big one, “I’ve heard lots about you, I’m Azriel.”

She nodded looking down, noticing how her hand was completely enveloped in his, and for the first time noticing the scars that decorated his hands. She hadn’t seen them during his little speech yesterday, but then again she was a bit preoccupied. 

“Beautiful” she breathed. 

Shit. She shouldn’t have said that. Of all the stupid things she could have said, it was probably top of the list. 

She peered up at him, to gauge his reaction, feeling guilty when he blushed faintly and nodded just once. 

Way to make a good impression. 

Elain looked down, realising that her hand was still in his. 

“Well I have to go” she blurted out, withdrawing her hand and clenching it by her side, noting how his stayed in the air between them for just a few seconds longer. 

He nodded .

Elain stood blinking for a moment before he gestured to his work, “um I should” 

“Oh yeah, yes of course sorry,” Elain said plastering a smile on her face and waiting for him to turn around before practically running back to her room and leaning against the door. 

Nice one Elain.

Why did she have to be  so awkward. She just went out there and shouted at him for doing his job and hadn’t even apologised. What was wrong with her?

That was often the case with her temper, she always regretted getting angry afterwards, but never while she was ripping into people. 

She looked down to see her phone ping with a message from Feyre,

 F: Hey! Come round to mine tonight, we’re getting a Chinese x

Elain didn’t have too much work to do tonight and she could use a good catch up with her sister, and Rhys always had good wine. 

E: I’ll be there! On a side note will you apologise to Azriel for me? I may have shouted at him xx

F: Ooh he must have done something wrong if YOU shouted at him. But he’ll be there so you can tell him yourself! ;)

That probably wasn’t the best idea, she’d probably make a fool of herself again. Yeah that sounds about right. But she did owe him an apology and she was going to have to do it sometime. And preferably not in front of a group of teenagers. 

Not that Feyre’s family were much better. 

She grabbed her keys and headed out to her car dropping Lucien a text that she was off. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Azriel had had one hell of a first day. When he took the job he thought he would be working over the holidays, with no kids. Or people in general. He though Rhys had known that and assumed he wouldn’t have brought the job up otherwise. 

Azriel had apparently underestimated how much his family wanted him home. 

It had started off with that speech yesterday, public speaking was not his forte, but he could manage talking to adults. 

Teenage girls however, were not manageable.

Every time he saw a group giggling in the corner while stealing glanced when they thought that he wasn’t looking he wanted to jump into the hole they were digging and stay in there, perhaps be buried alive. 

He wouldn’t have objected to it right then. 

And just when he thought he might finally have some peace Feyre’s sister came storming out, guns blazing. .

He’d seen her a couple times throughout the day in her classroom,  when he’d stopped for a moment  and she seemed invested, using wild hand gestures to get her point across. 

Though she didn’t use them when she was annoyed apparently. 

Thinking back he turned away from her too fast. It was rude and he was politer than that, but in his defence it had been a while since he had made an effort with someone, or even made a friend. He kept himself to himself while he was in London.

He  put it out of his mind as he pulled up to Rhys and Feyre’s apartment and headed up the stairs. He was pretty sure he could already hear Cassian’s voice echoing down the hall followed by Mor’s indignant cry. 

It was like he’d never left. 

He smiled as he pushed the door open and was bombarded with a hug from Mor. 

“I missed you” he said around a mouthful of hair.

“I missed you too,” Mor shouted in his ear, “I can’t believe that you didn’t come and visit once!”

Azriel winced, “ I was busy”

Mor waggled her eyebrows, “ I bet you were in high demand”

Chuckling, Azriel made his way next to the couch and sank down next to Cassian who passed him a beer with a grin. 

“Speaking of high demand, how was your first day at the new job?” Rhysand asked from where he was sat on the opposite couch with Feyre, eyes dancing. 

“Hell.” Azriel, cracking open his drink and taking a long swig. 

“Oh do tell,” said Rhys through a half smirk.

Azriel pointed at him, “you know very well how it went,”

Rhys only laughed as Cassian pushed, “Come on Az, it reminds us of being in school, tell us.”

“That is not something I want to re live thank you,” Azriel grumbled. 

“Oi we tried to make you popular but you were too damn scary” Cassian protested.

Cassian and Rhys were on the rugby team all through school, and everyone knows that the rugby team was a free pass to an easy ride through school. Azriel was more focused on important stuff like athletics, and Mor, who coincidentally came with it, being the star of long jump. 

Thank god that crush had passed, he was happy to see Mor with her girlfriend, they all were. 

“Where’s Emma?” Azriel asked, subtly trying to change the subject.

“Working late,” Mor replied, “but that’s not what we want to talk about” she sang.

“I had a gaggle of teenage girls staring at me at all times. And some of the boys.” Azriel admitted. 

They all burst out laughing as Cassian clapped Azriel on the shoulder and said, “Well you can’t really blame them” 

“I second that,” Mor piped up.

“I just want to work”, Azriel said, exasperated.

“Are you kidding?  Soak up all the attention, that’s what I do. Whenever I need an ego boost, I just head into Feyre’s class and flex a bit” Rhys said, demonstrating. 

“I thought you were coming in to see me,” Feyre said as she smacked him over the head with a pillow. 

Cassian’s laugh boomed around the room as Rhys yelped.

“I’m not trying to be a pig but where’s the food?” Mor said frowning at Rhys who was still rubbing his head looking betrayed.

“Pig,” Cassian quipped and got a pillow to the head as well from Feyre. 

“We’re waiting for everyone to get here.” Feyre said as she sat back down, glaring at the boys. 

They all looked around the room confused. Azriel could see Cassian counting on his fingers and looking at Feyre like she was crazy. They were all here, who where they waiting for? Amren was in Australia with Varian, and Nesta  had gone to school down south so it wasn’t her-

And just then the door cracked open and Elain slipped through with a shy smile. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Tags:

@stars-falling​ @abraxos-is-toothless​ @cirieael​ @suppengott @candid-confetti​ @nite0wl29​ @tyheronthorn​ @negativenesta​ @sleeping-and-books​ @awkward-avocado-s​

[fbdo1986]

Winter’s Chill - A Succession Fic

a/n: We meet again! Once again, here is something exploring the Roys and their sibling bonds! Admittedly, I’m digging deep into some of my own weaknesses here, but I couldn’t help but write something after discussing the concept (Connor holding onto things that his siblings grew out of) with a friend. This takes place on the timeline of Season 1, but without any of the events transpiring that cause Connor to be brought into conversations surrounding the future of Waystar Royco. 

Warnings: Brief Allusions to Death and Grief/Loss (actual loss is not present)

Word Count: 3222

On a regular January evening in New York, the soft sheen of snow leaves a film on all the windows of houses and apartments alike, and the sound of it brushing up against the panes has an almost transfixing quality. People outside brave the cold, swaddled in winter coats and scarves that are close to dragging on the ground. Crowded streets don’t have a chance to get very slick, yet the chill seems to coat everything the snow doesn’t touch. Those inside face a lingering shiver, with windows and doors locked tightly so as not to let anything in. If it weren’t so regular this time of year, it would be almost comforting. The isolated figures of the Roy siblings take refuge inside, not many miles from one another. The three go through the same motions, nearly. Funneling warm breath into chapped hands, shrugging off coats, as though they passed around the same mannerisms amongst themselves. 

The same can’t be said currently across the country, where both Connor and his girlfriend bustle about inside his home, until Willa stops in front of what catches her eye. 

“What do you have all this stuff for?” She asks, picking up a box that sits against the desk at the far corner of the living room. She sets it on the tabletop, leaving it unopened.

“What’s that?” Connor calls from the kitchen, meandering back into the living room to hear her clearer. 

“You’ve got… boxes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you open them.” She traces a hand over the cardboard as he rejoins her side. “Can I open this?” She looks up at him momentarily, her dark eyes meeting his light ones.

“Sure.” He says softly. He backs up, leaving room for her. It’s been a while. Usually, Connor goes through these things alone. He’s unsure, this might hold things that he’s kept so long he almost forgets what they are. Maybe that’s for the better.

So the box is opened. And immediately as her hands retreat, recognition tinged with regret washes over him. There’s no tape saving it from inspection, and the perplexity adorning Willa’s face stings, because there’s no right way—no proper way—to explain these seemingly useless mementos. But he’s kept them in any way he can, physically or otherwise. But now it’s the only way he has a piece of them at all.

He practically hides his face, like a little kid. Caught red-handed in sentimentality that he can’t look in the eye. 

“Are these yours?” She holds them up for him to see. They’re like evidence of a crime scene. Of a better self. It feels like years and years ago. A lifetime. They’re one of various pairs of mittens: blue with a snowflake pattern. They’re the size of a child’s hand. 

Tears clog his throat. His chin quivers. 

“What’s wrong?” She looks at him with a concern that words cannot convey. She knows that his childhood—all of theirs, collectively—is a sore, tender subject maybe best kept in boxes. Her frown gets deeper with every passing second.

He wants to say that it’s nothing. But really, it shows fully how much time has passed. It's etched in the pattern, he swears. But lord, when did these get so small? How could they have grown? Even more than he remembers, much more than that. And he knows, of course he knows they have. But with the true recognition of it—years and years between them, even though it feels like yesterday—his chest tightens, releases, and then the words fall out.

“They’re Kenny’s.” He turns away. “And the red ones are Shiv’s.” He swipes a hand across his face and is unsurprised by the fact that when he draws it away it’s wet with tears. “Rome’s are at the bottom.” 

No one penetrates the silence right away. Finally, Willa speaks tentatively. “Did something happen? They’re not…?”

“No.” He interrupts before she can complete the thought. “I-I talk about them like they’re ghosts. I mourn them like they’re gone. And-and they haunt me. But they’re not.” His shoulders come to meet his ears defensively, nearly folding in on himself.

She softens. “How long has it been?” She knows a lot about Connor’s siblings, he talks about them frequently and rarely spares any details. But she’s never seen them around, and there is—if nothing else—a rift surrounding them purely due to distance. Yet what she’s sure of, something he’s spent his whole life building, is a bond that connects them further than just through their father. 

He clears his throat. “Uh, six years.” Since he’s seen them all at once. It was at Kendall’s wedding. Some big, elaborate thing. And of course, he never made the conscious choice to leave them behind. In fact, he devoted himself to quite the opposite as he left home at eighteen. By twenty-one, he had his own place which served as an unofficial second home for his siblings just as much as it did for him. So it’s difficult to articulate how or why this ever happened. But somewhere between then and now, it all slipped away. 

Now, they paint a funny picture. Kendall, ushered into the business as soon he was old enough with Roman trailing at his heels, and Shiv holding her own trying to shoulder her way into politics, all around the little epicenter that is where they grew up. And, well, he’s somewhere in New Mexico. That’s all he can say. It slipped away. 

He grasps at her hands, but stops himself short. His voice is a near whisper. “Oh, Will. I want it back so badly. I want to go back, turn time around and make it up to them. Because… I remember everything. When each of them were born. When I got home just in time to see Roman for the first time. Shiv’s first cello recital, when I taught Kenny how to swim. And his drawings. I doubt that dad ever kept them.” And then it breaks. “I was everything. Now I’m just… nothing. How do you… forgive yourself for realizing you spent as much time in someone’s life as you have out of it? How do you stop feeling sorry?” 

It hurts him. It hurts him more than the multiple unspoken understandings he’s made throughout his life, some he only fully processed years afterward. More than knowing there was a day when his father decided he just wasn’t enough. And even more than the day where Kendall broke his arm, and Connor swore his chest felt the same impact. All the air was crushed out of his lungs. All it took was one thud and then grass—green grass, streaked through with summer sun—didn’t look quite the same anymore. 

In the pause she brushes the tears from his cheek. “Sweetheart, you can’t just stop everything. You can’t forget that you have a life. You can’t be everything. You can’t.” She stands stoically, softening with the last few words. 

“It’s not about that. It’s the fact that I promised myself I would do something, be something for them. I remember it so clearly.” His face hardens as more tears gather at his chin. He pretends they aren’t there.

“But you said it yourself. They’re not gone. Why have you waited? Why not reach out, try again?”

“I’m scared. I don’t… I don’t want to face them knowing I disappointed them.” It’s as though every year the reminder cuts deeper and deeper. He’s further and further from those days spent in the park, ensuring that before every outing they were bundled up tight, scarves around their necks with their mittened hands in his own. Somehow, he couldn’t imagine it. Anything else. It’s as though anything beyond the smallness of their hands was just pretend. Even as he saw it all unfold in adulthood, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was like seeing a little kid in daddy’s suit. Trying to be big, drowning in clothes. Just playing pretend. 

And then…. it wasn’t anymore. And now the rest comes rushing forward, and now that time finally caught up… it’s terrifying to admit. 

Willa shakes him out of it further. “You can’t keep them like objects, Con. They’re real people. Real people you can talk to. And if you’re even half as good of a brother as you make yourself out to be they definitely miss you. You’re not disappointing anyone.”

He sighs, absentmindedly thumbing the fabric of the small mitten he’s just taken in his hands. It’s Kendall’s. He puts it to his chest and gives it a squeeze. He isn’t quite sure of how they’d see him now, like this. He laughs with tears in his eyes. He’s always been sentimental, sure, but he doesn’t think anyone knows that he’s kept these things.

“So come on. Tell me your stories.” She chuckles, coaxing him to sit as her hands hold his forearms. “You have some, don’t you? About the mittens. Of course you do.” She presses a kiss into his forehead. “And tomorrow, you’ll make this right again. Okay? Call. Write. Start with Kendall. Start anywhere.” Warmth blooms in her features and so they settle, stopping their bustling to reminisce.

“Now, go on. Remember the sweet things." It's useless to combat her smile. So he starts, telling her about when they went out in the cold and he taught them how to make snow angels. How their eyes brightened when they realized there was no restraint here, that they could enjoy themselves with all the giddiness in the world. And so, they made a routine of it. Every chance he got, trekking out of the house just to see the sparks in their eyes. Falling and laughing in snow. Even if it took up the whole afternoon, even if it left their faces red and chapped from the wind, their glow never left.

The next day Connor gathers up the courage to take Willa’s advice, and with a deep breath he dials the phone.

A voice on the other end appears. "Hello?"

"Uh, Kendall?" He's a little frantic, since he didn't expect him to pick up, honestly.

"Con? Are you alright?" He’s unsure exactly why Kendall felt compelled to ask, but he supposes maybe asking a question off the bat isn’t expected. Or, maybe it's the waver in his voice, on the edge of breaking, or the simple fact that he’s doing this at all. 

"Yeah, of course. I'm sorry. I know it's a little out of the blue. Hey, uh, if you're busy I can always call back—" He backpedals. It’s too much to put onto him some random night, some odd years later.

"No." Kendall eases him, and takes a seat close to where he stands. "I'm good. We can talk."

Connor doesn’t speak right away, leaving a silence which Kendall scrambles to fill. “... Hey, um.” He exhales sharply. “Clearly you called for some reason, and if you don’t want to go through with it I’m not going to force you, but, it’d be nice. Y’know. To talk.” 

He hates how tense he feels, how abnormal this has become. "I'm sorry, Kenny." 

"Sorry? Why are you sorry? Don’t lie to me." Solid concern pools into his voice. And Connor can picture him like he’s right in front of him.

He weakens. He’s always had a tendency for this, to choke up when it comes down to it. “Gd.” He pinches the bridge of his nose momentarily. “Everything. All of it, Ken. I—I’m so sorry that I couldn’t stay. That I couldn’t be your big brother anymore. The way I used to be.”

“Connie… ” Kendall says, frowning slightly.

“Come on, Ken. You can’t do that to me.” Connor says, smiling sadly as he wipes away more stray tears from his eyes. “You just can’t. You know how I get.” The nickname feels charged, almost. As though it carries the weight of all the memories they forged when it was just him and Kendall.

“But I mean. You-you’ve always done enough. You were always there. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“But isn’t that all I’ve ever had, really? What else? What else have I done, or devoted myself to? As if I even did something that ever helped, that made you proud.” Connor huffs dismissively. “I’ve had my whole life to make things better, and what have I done? I retreated.” 

“No, you didn’t. You made us a home, a real one. You always had our backs, and protected us.” It’s something Kendall has held close his whole life. And although he doesn’t talk about it with them, he knows Shiv and Roman house the same sentiment.

“But I just, I’ve been gone so long. So many things have happened and all I’ve wanted to do is ask. But, but, I don’t know. I just, I have some things of yours, from when you were kids, and I dunno. If you’d want them back, I can—I can… ” His chest is heavy. It’s leaden with just wanting to let it out, that he misses him. That he misses when they grew up, when he was their outlet, the doorway to the world beyond their walls. That really, his siblings are the only fond reminders of home. He covers his face momentarily, heaving out a watery sigh.

It’s ridiculous. Trying to rewind time, trying to force Kendall to understand after such a gap of time, or hell, choking up on the telephone. There’s just no easy way to say it. No way to put how he feels into words, especially if he can’t get it out. But honestly, there’s just a piece of him that’s never quite been filled. And while feeling completely whole is out of the question, closing the gap might help. It’s the only thing he’s holding onto.

Connor’s shoulders slump forward. “Just, forgive me, I guess. For how long it’s been.” Neither can deny that.

“Oh, Con. It’s—This? Please. None of it is your fault.” It’s all so much more than that. So much bigger than any of them can fathom, more than they can ever fully come to terms with.

“Still. I could’ve been there. I used to be.” He scoffs. “I don’t even know how you are.”

“You know I can’t blame you for that. Leaving.” Kendall reassures him. “I mean that.”

“So I guess that means things are hard, then.” Connor doesn’t even mean to jump there, it just happens. Because he’s the only one who had the chance.

“It means they’re like they’ve always been. I’m okay.” Kendall laughs softly, and it eases them both.

“Okay.” A small smile flicks to Connor’s face even as he tries to fight it. It’s a touch ironic, how Connor has to be reassured by Kendall now, when the roles were reversed growing up. He was always that figure, a pair of shoulders to be leaned into for comfort, looming above the rest. 

And pretty soon, they slip into normal conversation. Trading simple anecdotes and jokes surrounding their current circumstances, time doesn’t quite rewind—but it does make it slow somehow. Laughter is easy, and somewhere they forget about the hurt that inspired the conversation in the first place.

Yet eventually, silence falls between them. Each brother tenses instinctively, fearing that the distance has been built between them again, that it’s too much to overcome. That they’ve waded deep enough that there’s nothing to fall back on; small talk can’t save them now.

“Connor?”

“Yeah?”

“Keep the things you have. My things. Okay?” Kendall pauses. “... And I miss you.” His heart tugs with guilt and fondness in tandem. And soon he’s spilling quiet tears of his own.

“I miss you, too.” Connor says finally, with a soft droop of his shoulders. The words are an exhale.

“So, um. Come back sometime. And uh, don’t be afraid to stay.” Kendall sniffs. “I’m sure the rest would want to catch up. You still have your place in the city, right? From when we were kids?”

“Yeah, yeah. I do.” Another instance of keeping pieces of the past. He doesn’t hesitate to smile, though.

“Good. Like old times, then.” Kendall says solidly.

“Yeah.” Connor nods to himself. “Yeah.” 

“Honey? It’s snowing.” Willa calls sweetly, eyes and smile equally wide. It’s a sight that they aren’t graced with often, since they’re secluded from the depths of the mountainous ranges of the state, where snow collects on their peaks. He sneaks a glance through the windows and surely enough, light flakes dance to ground below them.

“Well, I won’t keep you.” Kendall’s voice is amused, hiding a chuckle. He’s heard Willa in the background. “But uh, can I count on you? Staying for a little while?”

“You can. I’ll let you know when, but it’ll be soon. I swear.” He’ll make it up to them, he knows he will. This time, he’s sure.

“I know. I always could.” The sentiment is enough to draw tears from them again. They’ve never tried to hide their proclivity for emotion, but it’s the rest that makes it stew in their stomachs—how attached it seems to be to when Kendall would collapse into his arms unthinkingly, with Connor already outstretched, ready for the weight—that makes it that much easier to falter. It’s not… sad, not happy either. Just the understanding that somehow they ended back up just like they used to be, with fragile arms instead of strong ones. When neither is big nor small, just something in between. Something a little too quick to break, something that toes the line between readiness and second-guessing, where both need something bigger to hold them up even when they stand heads above where they used to. 

“Well, uh. Thanks, Kenny. I mean it. ” Connor says sheepishly. “Not just for this, even.” 

“Take care of yourself, alright?” Kendall offers, like it’s a hand on the shoulder.

“I will.”

So that’s how they leave it. No intentional goodbye, yet it’s filled instead by knowing that this time, there’s a plan to return. He won’t let it slip from his hands or get shoved into boxes to become souvenirs of childhood. It’s as tangible as the phone in his hands or the snowflakes coming to rest on the landscape unexpectedly housing them.

He sidles comfortably up against Willa, and the two venture out into the cold. A shiver takes her by the shoulders and he pulls her close as they watch the snow fall gently. The mountains are far away, so the expanse of desert as it meets the sky—quickly blurring to white—seems to chase on forever. There’s nothing around to greet them, as though the world could swallow them up, and it’s not as though there isn’t an occasional wish for more beyond their windows, even when the sky is brilliantly blue. However, they’ve been granted another guest, even if it’s just fleeting snow that dissolves on their fingertips. They’ve been gone from the city for years now, and that’s a reminder on its own. But whereas the city goers let it gather on their clothes and hair without a second thought, almost with annoyance, Connor welcomes it—albeit childishly, without the thought of covering his hands—as an opening, a prospect, an occurrence that he can’t help answer with the tinge of laughter. “Huh.” He smiles, wondering if it’s snowing again in New York. 

[blazerina]

Show You (Ethan x MC)

Show You – Ethan x MC

A/N – I do not feel confident in this…fluff is not my thing lately so there’s a little undercurrent of angst at some moments throughout this one.  I may continue it if I have more ideas come to me – we’ll see!  Hope you enjoy, for all my soft-Ethan fans.

@parkerattano this is to make up for not ending that other story the way you wanted me to & also for @justanotherrookie who has totally inspired all the Ethan content I’ve had lately. She’s amazing and everyone should read her stuff. 

Thanks to you both!

--

“You’re late.” Ethan called out to Allie as she walked in the door, harried and frazzled.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry…” She fumbled with her heels trying to get them off as fast a she could.They had a strict rule about not wearing shoes inside their home.  

Ethan was in the kitchen. The aroma alone was enough to make Allie’s stomach grumble. She hadn’t had a thing to eat all day except for a granola bar and a fun-size pack of peanut M&M’s.

“Did they have questions?” Ethan turned around to meet Allie in the kitchen with a kiss on the cheek and a glass of wine.

“Ugh, thank you.” She took a quick sip and nodded her head.

“They always do this. I give them an exam and then they loiter around afterwards expecting their questions to somehow translate into me believing they are brilliant, thus resulting in a better final grade.”

“Sounds about right.” Ethan chuckled, wiping his hands on a towel.  “They’re helpless. Competitive. Desperate. Using any means necessary to one up each other.”

Ethan trailed off as he absentmindedly sipped his own wine, gazing out the window. Allie studied him, wondering why he didn’t seem one hundred percent himself.

“Was your day okay?” She asked, suddenly concerned. “I knew you were coming home early, but you’re already working on dessert.  You must have been home a while.”

She always got nervous when Ramsey was in the kitchen.  He was an adequate cook, but actually a truly amazing baker. It was a secret, but he loved it.  He told her once that on days when he felt out of control it helped him regain some kind power of a situation. Adding ingredients together and following a recipe precisely, would always equate to the finished product of his choice. It helped him cope in a world and a profession that was sometimes so unpredictable.

“I left early. Needed to clear my head.” He wandered back to the stand mixer on the counter and Allie followed.

Wrapping her arms around him from behind, she stood on her tiptoes and rested her head on his shoulder. Looking into the bowl, she realized what he was making.

“Is that angel food cake?!” She got excited.

Ethan nodded. “Very observant of you.”

“Let me help.”

She wanted to get his mind off whatever it was that was bothering him. In their years together she knew by now not to prod and that he’d share with her when he was ready.

It had been a while since they’d been able to enjoy a night in and a home-cooked meal together. Allie had taken on a more permanent teaching role in the medical school associated with Edenbrook. Even though she thought it would mean a more regular schedule, the students had proven to be quite demanding and she missed focusing on the diagnostics team, her own intern and other cases with Ethan.

“I’m not sure you really know what you’re doing so, best leave this to the expert.” He told her, getting back to the mixing.

“Excuse me! I am actually a pretty good cook in my own right, thank you very much.”

Feigning offense, Allie grabbed an apron from the pantry and put it on over her professional dress. She quickly used the hair tie that had been around her wrist to throw her long, auburn locks up on top of her head.

“What’s next?” She quirked an eyebrow at him, mixing spoon in hand.

“I just whipped the egg whites. It’s time to fold in the flour.  You know how to do that?” Ethan challenged.

Allie swallowed hard. She was kind of teasing him and wanting to make the evening fun, but she also knew he was serious about this. She couldn’t say no to a challenge, but didn’t want to risk ruining the evening by ruining his dessert. It sounded funny in her mind as her brain reasoned out the logic, but she knew to tread lightly with this one.

Instead of actually doing it, and afraid she really would mess it up, she turned around and faced him with a question.

“Folding. Hmm…” her brow crinkled. “That’s like, stirring slowly and lifting your hand up like this?”

Allie mimicked what she believed the correct folding motion to be.

“Not even close. Let me show you.” Ethan resumed his position in front of the mixing bowl and expertly folded the flour into the egg white mixture.

“You try.” He moved out of the way and let Allie stand in front of the bowl.  

He leaned in next to her while she concentrated, trying to reproduce his exact motion.

“I usually do about ½ a cup at a time. Makes it easier.”  

As Allie finished, she triumphantly smiled. “Okay, you’ve proven you’re superior in yet another area…can I be excused?” She laughed, giving him a quick kiss. “I’m going to go change.”

Ethan rolled his eyes and continued working on the cake.

“Go. Dinner will be ready in 10.” He lightly swatted her behind as she trotted off to put on something more comfortable.

--

The two of them made general conversation over dinner. They talked about plans they had coming up to join friends and other professional colleagues at a fundraiser across town the next weekend. Ethan told her about some new pieces the local symphony was putting together.  He wanted to attend some concerts later in the month as well. Allie reminded him that his father’s birthday was coming up soon and they needed to decide what to get him.

Evenings like this were rare for both of them. Being home together; having time to relax and actually connect over a meal and have meaningful conversation; not discussing work – it was the glue that held them together when their lives felt overrun and they each felt pulled in a million directions at once.

After dinner, Allie cleaned up the kitchen as was their custom. If he cooked, she cleaned. Ethan had settled into his home office, catching up on journal articles relating to some of his current cases.

Pouring another glass of wine for them both, Allie went to find him.  She stood in the doorway, watching him for a few minutes before joining him at his computer. She put the wine down on the edge of the desk and then slid into his lap, sitting sideways, with her arms around his neck.  His glasses were falling down his nose a little when he smiled at her, kissing her shoulder as he inhaled her scent.

She silently pushed them up on his face and then held his face in her hands while giving him a long, slow kiss.

“Thank you for tonight.” Allie smiled, looking intently into his eyes.

He seemed so tired to her. So worn down.  Something was definitely eating at him, but she wasn’t sure what it was. Her hope was that he’d come to bed soon and not stay up all night doing research. That tenacity was something she admired and loved him for butb getting him to take a break sometimes was difficult.

Ethan leaned his forehead against hers and shut his eyes for a second. Allie could feel the tension in his body release for a brief moment.

“I wish we had more time.” He whispered.

“Me too.” Allie hugged him, pulling him closer to her, absorbing the quiet around them for a few more seconds.

“What have we got tonight, doc?” She smiled, looking back at the computer screen. “How can I help?”

Ethan sat up a little more straight and went into explanation mode.

“I’m looking into syndrome of inappropriate antidiuretic hormone. Otherwise known as SIAH.  I honestly don’t know a lot about it and our patient is presenting symptoms but I’m not sure that’s the diagnosis we will land on.” He reached around Allie to move the cursor on the page in front of her.

“Hey! What happened with Mr. Lorenzo…I know you weren’t supposed to tell me his name and no I haven’t said anything to anyone…” She scoffed.  “Was I right?”

“As much as it pains me to say it, yes.  You helped a great deal on that case, and we were able to release him yesterday or the day before I believe.” Ethan pushed his glasses up on his nose once more as he leaned in closer to the screen to continue reading.

“Woo hoo! I get another point.” Allie gingerly got off Ethan’s lap and went to a bulletin board hanging on the wall of the office. Two pieces of scratch paper, one labeled “E” and one labeled “A” had tally marks on them.  Ethan had about 20 and Allie had maybe 7, now 8.  It was their way of keeping score on tough cases and diagnoses.

“Still a long way from that vacation in the Bahamas.” Ethan added, watching her victoriously document her new point.

“What was it I said I wanted if I got to 25 first?”

“Something dumb, like a new leather recliner…” Allie sighed.  “My prize is way better and something BOTH of us can use!”

Allie realized Ethan was no longer listening. He had found something. She saw the look in his eyes as he beckoned her over.

“Honey, look…” he explained to her what he had found.

“Antidepressants.  Our patient has been struggling with mental health related issues but we haven’t been able to get her to admit exactly what those are…however, she’s been on and off antidepressants for several years now, contributing to her SIAH…that has to be it…or part of it…it’s right there and I didn’t’ see it before…”

“Nuh uh, Ramsey. No way. I’m not counting this one. We need to make a new deal that only one point can be awarded per day. Whoever gets it first gets to keep it.” Allie argued.

Ethan smiled a little and gave in. “As you wish.”

“With that, I bid you goodnight. I better get out of here before I lose all 8 points I’ve worked so hard for.”

Allie took a deep dramatic bow, thanked him and excused herself as she realized it was getting late and she had no idea how much longer he’d be researching.

--

A few minutes later, Allie was getting out of the shower when she heard Ethan call from the bedroom.

“Coming to bed soon?” He asked.

She was surprised to hear his voice and that he was already in bed. Was he feeling alright? She asked herself. This was just not the norm for him.

“Be right there.” She responded.

“I’m exhausted. Lights are going off.” He told her while stifling a yawn and rolling over onto his side.

In the dark, seconds later, Allie was gently rolling Ethan onto his back while she straddled him. Wearing one of his button-down shirts and nothing else, her long damp hair slicked back, away from her face, she leaned over him, smiling.

Ethan was not one to ever decline Allie’s advances. He grinned looking up at her, surprised a little by her forwardness but not upset by it.

She leaned in and kissed him slowly and passionately.

“I love you.” She whispered, looking into his gray blue eyes.

“I love you too.” He trailed his hands up and down her arms, taking in the sight of her.

“What are you doing, Mrs. Ramsey?” Ethan inquired.

They had been married for a few years now, but she still went by Dr. Valentine professionally. Ethan was the only person in the world who ever referred to her that way.

“You’ve shown me a few things this evening…” She explained, sitting up a little straighter, but maintaining eye contact with him.

“How to fold in flour…” She started to kiss up and down his neck, lingering just below his earlobe.

“…and about that other syndrome thing…” she kissed him again this time slightly biting his bottom lip, eliciting a groan from Ethan as he inhaled sharply.  

He pulled her into him, returning her kiss fervently his tongue finding hers, their passion and desire for one another mounting.

Ethan smiled as Allie moved in closer to him again. He pulled her onto him and held her close, chest to chest, before she added in a husky, sultry voice:

“So naturally, I thought it was my turn to show you a thing or two…”

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

So, It’s been awhile. There’s a reason. The last week or so has been... a week. jesus christ. I shall regale you of my tale, not in chronological order necessarily because that’s how I roll. BUT if you suffer through it, you shall be rewarded with an outdoor plant update post after. Bribery. 

So. Early last week, The Spawn sat down with me and presented a proposal, a well researched proposal, advocating for her starting her own residential cleaning business because she finds it incredibly satisfying and relaxing to clean stuff and she does quite well. So we sat and brainstormed, researched, and talked about how she planned to advertise. She needed a business gmail (and all the tools that come with that), logo, business social media, website, and flyers. 

Being her age, she doesn’t have the skill or knowledge to do these things. So, I volunteered to help with these things so that she didn’t have to spend money hiring someone. I created the email account, put all the brainstorm stuff into a google doc that saved to the biz drive, which included a to do list and the basic info needed. I created a logo. (At which point, she called me a wizard while watching me do so.) I helped her try to create a biz facebook account, but facebook immediately flagged it as breaking the rules. like literally as soon as I created it. So I appealed it & The Spawn wanted to wait to see what came of that before I went further. So she took me with her to shop for the things on her supply list, and we decided to go grab some of the smaller stuff still needed for J’s appt at the same time. This was Friday. 

Saturday, I got a text from J in the early afternoon saying that he needed me. I quickly packed a ‘just in case’ bag, since I didn’t know what to expect or how long I would be there. Now, you have to understand that in the 7 years we’ve been friends, while he has discussed things with me via phone or text, in person he is like me, incredibly stoic. Hell even via text or phone, he always insists that he’s fine and responds to my reminders that i’m here if he needs someone, and to just let me know, he responds “I appreciate it, but I won’t”. So him reaching out like that is a MASSIVE thing. I showed up, let myself in, and he just walked up to me, wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing. I stayed the night, alternating between being comforting and being distracting. It was extremely disarming to see such raw emotion from him repeatedly over the course of the night and to hear him say the things that he is usually uncomfortable articulating. 

The next morning he seemed better, thanked me for coming (to which I responded “Of course I came. I’ve not ever been lying when I’ve said that I’d come if you needed me, day or night, but you have to let me know.”) and apologized for ‘being a mess’. I told him every time he apologized (which happened quite a bit over the course of the night) that there was no need for an apology because this wasn’t something to be sorry for. He was struggling, as people do, and rather than embrace the darkness or fight it alone, he asked for help from someone he trusts and loves that he knows reciprocates. That i know how hard it is for him to do that and that I am proud of him. 

Sunday afternoon the kids (The Spawn and The Bf) picked me up because she needed to take him home but didn’t want to leave the dogs alone. I got in the car after The Bf got into the back, insisting I take the front seat. We hadn’t even gotten out of the parking lot of the apartment complex when The Spawn casually asked “So are ya’ll fucking?” 

that’s how I learned that I was the subject of a bet. Apparently, The Bf asked where I was when he came over and out of convenience, not wanting to really explain the relationship, The Spawn said I was at my boyfriend’s. I guess he went on about how how come I’m never hanging out with him, etc, so The Spawn explained the actual nature of our relationship. At the end The Bf said “Nah, they fuckin’ but your mom isn’t telling you.” The Spawn said, “No, she’d tell me because when I started high school I asked her about her past encounters and asked about what stuff was, if she’d done it, and if she enjoyed it, and she was always honest with me. That’s how I know she likes it up the butt.” He insisted that J and I were banging so The Spawn, knowing the truth, took advantage of this and made a bet. It was an easy win for her. SO...

I get asked this question & I look at her, eyebrows raised because she knows how our relationship is (granted if I were physically able and he was willing, I would definitely jump back up on that horse) and said, “No. Mom is no longer physically capable of fucking without risk of severe injury. Plus, despite having ridden that horse previously, I’m not into endangering our besties status. I would go into further detail and commentary but I don’t want to make The Bf uncomfortable. These are things you know, so why do you ask?” She told me of the bet, Then i promptly text J about it because I knew he’d get a laugh out of it. And I was right. 

By the end of Sunday, she recieved an email stating that facebook was upholding the ban, so she and I talked and decided to make a webpage via WIX and after getting a few clients, she could upgrade her account with them to get extras that are offered, including her own domain (rather than the name.wix address) and a lack of wix ads on her page.  And then it all went downhill from there.

Monday through Wednesday (yesterday) had The Spawn breathing down my neck more than any boss I’ve ever fucking had about when her business shit would be done. On top of what I’d already done, between Monday and Wednesday I:   set up her google voice account for a business number, wrote her a “first time client” script, created a google sheets quick reference client database, created a google forms for detailed client records (all in a folder together that is searchable by client name, which would be the title of the form), set up the calendar, downloaded and edited/collaged her before and after photos she took via cleaning some of our spaces, and built her a 7 page website including the photos, facts, and little blurbs that go along with it. It went live at the end of yesterday. 

Throughout this process, rather than just checking in and thanking me for doing it all to save her money, she asked me every couple hours what still needed to be done. When I was not as far along as she felt I should be, she got progressively more hostile. Yesterday morning she had the balls to text me “What all do we still need to do before I can get rolling?” I responded with “ ‘We’? hahahahaha *I* still need to [list].” 

I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Am I missing something? Did you forget to list something in the list of stuff you did between Monday and Wednesday? You mentioned flyers....” You are correct. But yesterday while I was being driven to my 2nd vax appointment by my father, I basically told him that I’m fried. If a flyer just included facts, I’d be fine, but the part where I need the potential customers to be drawn in and want to learn more is not happening. The creative well has run dry to the point that it is reminiscent of the dust bowl. And I reminded him that there is a reason I no longer do this type of shit for a living. I mentioned that thinking about The Spawn’s company is making me stress puke and that any time The Spawn approaches me to talk about anything, I immediately feel incredibly nauseated. 

Now it should be noted that when I mentioned this in a multi paragraph text earlier, he responded with “Just take a step back from it for awhile, then go back to it.”    

and everyone wonders why on earth I don’t speak up when I hit my limits and why I just push onward despite the damage it does to me. THIS. THIS IS WHY. Everyone is all for me not pushing myself too hard... until it is inconvenient for them. So I basically screamed in the car. On the way back he said he’d help. Ok. cool. 

Except that every fucking idea he had legit just tripled the amount of work I was going to have to do. I mentioned being burned enough that I was considering just paying a freelancer to do it. This motherfucker chimes in with “Oh! [Cool Ex Employee Who Left to be a Stay at Home Mom with her First Baby] does stuff like that. Let me reach out to see if she’d be willing to.” BRUH. That should have been the first thing out of your mouth after my original texts! Jesus Christ. I agreed but with the caveat that HE had to tell The Spawn and say it was his idea because he sees me getting overly stressed and has put his foot down. And he had to do it that night because I knew that if he didn’t, the first thing I’d hear today was “So when are my flyers going to be done?” and I am absolutely not dealing with that shit. The only thing I am doing from this point forward is showing her how to use her database/client files/calendar and I will be happy to answer questions or give advice, but that’s it. This isn’t my company and I’m not employed by her, so I’ve already put in far more work than should have been expected of me, with very little thanks outside of after I finished her logo and a couple times she came down and watched, then told me I’m a fucking wizard. 

Really It was good in a way because I had been doing that thing lately where I wonder if I’m just being dramatic because admin type stuff isn’t that hard and if I could do it from home, I should be able to manage... but this put me back down on earth, where I absolutely am not being dramatic and I cannot fucking do that shit 40 hrs a week for some random asshole. Shit, this was for my own child and I was ready to give up, stab her, then tell her to go fuck herself.

so...that’s been my last week and a half for so. Also, my only side effects from Vax 2 (pfizer) is feeling more tired/run down than usual and a bit of extra joint pain... but those might actually be related to the stress and hell I just went through. who knows. 

as always, don’t steal my shitshow. get your own shitshow. suffer through your own crap. 

[let-me-write-shit]

Somebody To You: 6

Friendly reminder to please Like and/or Reblog. It helps more than you think! :)

This chapter is more of a filler, but it’s got some really important details in it.

Word Count: 2,857

Click Here For Previous Chapter & Other Completed Stories

---------------------------------------------

CHAPTER SIX

It’s been a long two weeks. Between work and friends, Zoey didn’t feel like she had any days off to relax. Ever since their double date, Brett and Zoey have been hanging out a lot more. It seemed like he was over practically every day to hang out with her and her roommates. He’d occasionally come over before his shift started, but more often than not it was late at night after she got off to have a game night, and Nancy and Rory would wait up for them to join. The girls quickly became fond of him and formed a friendship much like hers with Harry.

They were all constantly making plans to hang out, and although she had so much fun with them, Zoey felt like she rarely had a moment to herself anymore. The only time she felt like she had a minute to breathe or think was her morning phone calls with Harry. Sure, they texted occasionally throughout the day, but that phone call was the time when both of them could sit down, talk, and reflect on what was going on in their lives. 

Harry seemed to be going through a rough patch. She missed him before he left the last time he came out as he had to be up super early the following morning so he didn’t miss his flight, but he did call Zoey when he landed to fill her in on the details of the conversation she caught him and Rory having.

Rory was honest with him and told him how she felt. She liked him, but she didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t sure if they wanted to be with her. She understood his hesitation because of his past experiences with relationships while on tour, but she didn’t appreciate being grouped in the same category with his exes. She told Harry that she had no problem waiting if that’s what he wanted, but only if he was sure he wanted her. Otherwise, he’s just wasting her time. 

“I’m not giving you an ultimatum or making you choose right this second because that’s not fair,” Rory said to him, “I’ll give you some space and time to figure it out. We can still talk and be friendly in the meantime, but I’m not going to wait forever.”

No one could fault her, and Zoey respected the hell out of her for standing her ground and noticing her own self-worth, but Harry was really struggling to decide what he wanted to do. To him, it wasn’t as simple as it was for most people. He has eyes on him at all times. Not only does he have to navigate the ups and downs of a relationship, but he has to do so in the public eye. He had to find a way to protect the sanctity of his relationship from the press and people with malicious intent and he had to somehow find a way to shield his partner from negative media and online attention because the hate is inevitable. To him, relationships were terrifying.

Zoey helped by listening to his rants and concerns, offering bits of advice, but always remaining neutral. No matter how many times Harry asked her what he should do, Zoey refused, telling him it was his decision to make while always reminding him to stop overthinking everything and to live the life he wanted without worrying about what might go wrong. Easy for her to say. She’s not famous.

Luckily, Rory kept her word in not putting any pressure on him to make a decision. They still spoke and flirted every now and then, though it wasn’t as often as before. Most of their conversations these days consisted of work-related things or Rory filling him in on all of the fun she was having with the girls, Andy, and Brett. She was spending a lot more time with Zoey’s new friends, and from what Rory said, it sounded like Zoey was having a lot of sleepless nights with Brett.

Zoey’s sex life was never really a topic of discussion when they spoke. She never really went into detail or stayed on the subject no matter how much Harry tried to pry. Of course, he knew they saw each other, but the only reason he knew when Brett spent the night was because Nancy or Rory mentioned hanging out with him and how he stayed over. During their text conversations, Zoey always seemed so nonchalant and never alluded to the fact that Brett was even there. She didn’t care to talk about their ‘relationship’ much, and he couldn’t tell if it was because she was trying to hide the fact that she was actually falling for him, or because she really didn’t care and it was just as casual as she intended it to be. The only thing Harry managed to get out of her was that she wasn’t a fan of his kissing. Either way, she was great at keeping her private life private, which was something he respected, all things considered.

Finally, it was Friday, and the last week of May, so Andy, Brett, and Zoey decided to go to the beach early in the morning so they had enough time before work tonight. Nancy and Rory tagged along, for once not having any work they needed to do. The sun beamed brightly, not a cloud in sight. It was only 80 degrees. Not too hot, not too cold. It was the perfect beach day. Andy helped Zoey apply suntan lotion to her back as Nancy and Rory sprayed each other down and Brett didn’t bother, laying out everyone’s towels on the hot, golden sand beside their beach bags.

At first, the group stayed on their towels, letting the sun warm up their skin and adjust to the temperatures. Eventually, Nancy, Zoey, and Andy made their way to the water, leaving Brett and Rory to tan. They eased their way into the ocean until waist level, waves whipping at their hips. An hour in and they had gotten more comfortable, diving underwater, laughing as they pretended to be mermaids, screeching whenever seaweed brushed against their legs and sputtering as the salty water had gotten into their mouths. Rory and Brett had finally joined them, but it didn’t take long before they all headed back to their setup, letting the sun dry them off.

The beach had always been Zoey’s happy place. She had always been the happiest in the water. It’s why she was on the swim team in school and why she frequently slept at Jess’s house to enjoy her pool. Her parents used to call her their little fish when she was a kid because she could be in the water all day. Jess was the first to get her license, and every day off in the summer since Jess turned sixteen, she’d drive the two of them to the beach just for Zoey. It was nearly a three-hour drive just to get there. They’d be up and out the door by 6 AM just so they could be there by 9, and wouldn’t leave until long after the sun had set just to do it all over again the next day. Every now and then they’d get lucky enough to rent a hotel, but they never complained about the drive. It was worth it to Jess if it made Zoey happy. It became their tradition to see how many times they could make it down to the beach in one summer and if they could top it. It’s been a year since she’s been to the beach. And it’s just as amazing as she remembers it being.

Brett had brought a football and they all were tossing it around to each other in an unofficial game of football. Zoey screamed as he ran up, scooping her into his arms and tackling her into the sand, laughing as sand shot up into their face from the impact on the ground and covered their bodies. 

“Absolutely not! I saved that!” Zoey exclaimed, lightly smacking Brett’s sweaty, back as he pushed himself off of her.

“Tell that to the ball on the ground,” Brett shot back, panting and scooping a heaping pile of sand onto her stomach in retaliation causing Andy and Rory to laugh.

A ringtone was heard in the distance by their towels and Nancy called back, “Someone’s phone is ringing!” as she jogged towards their stuff, rummaging through the bags. She pulled out Zoey’s phone, looked at the screen and held it up, calling, “It’s Harry!”

“Answer it!” Zoey called back, standing up and dusting the sand off of herself.

Nancy plopped down on the towels as everyone slowly caught their breath, making their way over towards her. She answered the phone on speaker and put on her best stern voice, “How come you never call me?”

“Who’s this?” she heard Harry’s muffled voice from a few feet away, “Nancy?”

“I’m clearly Susan Sarandon. You can’t tell by my voice?” she joked as Andy, Brett, and Rory had sat around her, the rumble of voices and children laughing surrounding them.

Harry laughed, ignoring her, “That’s a lie. I just called you yesterday!”

“That’s true. What’s up?”

“Nothing much, going to be heading to soundcheck soon. Where’s Zoey?”

“Here!” Zoey called, finally reaching the edge of the towels, hovering over everyone.

“Where are you? It sounds loud?” Harry asked.

“We’re at the beach,” Nancy spoke, “Everyone’s here except you. Me, Zoey, Rory, Andy, and Brett.”

“Am I on speaker?”

“Yeah, say hi!”

The group sang a chorus of greetings while Harry responded an almost shy “hello” back. Zoey smiled, extending her hand out and grabbing her phone as Nancy passed it over to her. She placed it to her chest and turned to Brett, softly saying, “Hey, I’m getting hungry. Can you grab us some lunch? I’ll pay you back.”

“Yeah, no worries. I can pay. Anyone want to come with?”

“I’ll go!” Nancy offered, standing up.

“Yeah, I’ll help,” added Rory.

Andy scoffed, “My ass is staying right here. But I will take a slice of pepperoni pizza, please,” he slid his sunglasses back onto the bridge of his nose and slid back onto his beach chair.

As soon as the three were off, Zoey took her phone off speaker and brought it to her ear, walking towards the dunes where there were fewer people and it was slightly quieter. 

“Sorry, I’m here,” she spoke, “they’re gone.”

“No, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to interrupt. You can get back to them.”

“Shut up,” Zoey laughed, dragging her feet in the sand as she spoke, “What’s up?”

“We were going over the next few cities we’ll be in, and guess where I’ll be next weekend,” Harry said excitedly.

“New York?” Zoey guessed.

“Well, yeah. But I’ll also be in Philadelphia next Saturday.”

“Philly?” Zoey gasped, halting in her tracks, “You’ll be maybe twenty minutes from my family.”

“It’s that close? Where did you live?”

Zoey sat in the sand, knees to her chest, and told Harry about her hometown and where she grew up. She scooped sand in her free hand and watched as it fell to the ground like a sand shower as she recalled memories of her and Jess running around their town as teenagers and all of the trouble they got into. And Harry listened, interested in every detail. 

Somehow they got onto the subject of Zoey’s past childhood boyfriends, where she had her first kiss and her first heartbreak. This eventually led to a conversation about Brett. It’s not that she avoided talking about Brett, but there was nothing to really say about him. They hung out. They screwed. That was it for the most part. Except there was a little news about him this time.

“He asked me on another date,” Zoey informed him.

“What, a double date again?”

“No, one on one.”

Harry paused in thought before speaking, “I’m confused. I don’t get what’s going on between you two.”

Zoey laughed, “I don’t either.”

He continued, “I mean, you say it’s just a casual thing. Hanging out and fucking around. So what’s the point in going on a date if that’s all it is? Or is it more than that?”

Zoey pursed her lips and blew hard, making a horse snorting sound before groaning and resting her head on her forearm that was resting on her knees, “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s more than that, but it seems like it’s getting more serious. I mean he stays over so often we should start charging him rent. I feel like I see him more than Nancy and Rory between work and home.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Harry asked, curiously.

“I don’t know,” she whined, sitting back up, “The girls love him and he’s a lot of fun. And he’s getting better at the kissing thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s still work to do, but he gets the job done if you know what I mean. Oh my god, speaking of,” Zoey started cackling to herself, “we got caught yesterday.”

“What do you mean ‘you got caught’?” Harry chuckled at the vagueness.

“At work.”

“At work?!” Harry repeated, the sound of shuffling could be heard from his end as if he had quickly sprung up from a seat.

She nodded to herself, wiping away a tear that teetered at the corner of her eye, which was probably a mistake because she now felt sand on her cheek, remembering the incident last night.

“Oh shit! My bad!” Andy apologized to her, shoving the beer bottles he carried into the crook of her arm and wiping at the wet spot he had left on Zoey’s black shirt when he collided into her after she suddenly appeared from the storage closet.  “I was looking for you. You alright? You look like you’ve been crying.” He asked, noticing her flushed face and loose strands of hair dangling from her messy bun.

The storage closet door suddenly opened beside them and Brett stepped out, forehead beaded with sweat, hair tousled, lips red raw, straightening out his shirt. Brett paused when he saw the two standing there, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Andy’s eyes shot between the two as realization sunk in and he groaned.

“Jesus Christ!” Andy whispered, “Y'all are nasty!”

Brett chuckled and winks as he scooted past them, returning to the busy bar to finish off his shift.

“Sorry, Andy!” Zoey sheepishly smiled, biting her lip.

Andy shook his head, laughing in amusement, “At least one of us has a good sex life. Fix your hair. You look crazy,” he walked away.

Zoey shook her head, snapping back to the present and she chortled, trying to stifle her laughter as she looked over to see all of her friends back on the towels and enjoying their lunch together. 

“It was just a quickie in the storage closet, but we ran into Andy on the way out and it was super embarrassing. I mean, at least it was just Andy and not our manager, but still,” she explained.

“You couldn’t wait a few hours?” Harry laughed.

Zoey giggled, “You gotta do what you gotta do.”

The two finished catching up and Zoey wished him good luck before ending the phone call and heading back to her friends. There was a slight burning feeling on her shoulder blade as the suntan lotion began to wear off and knew she’d have a sunburn tonight. She tossed her phone back in the beach bag and took a spot between Nancy and Rory while the group had laughed about something Andy had said. 

Andy looked over at Zoey and smiled at her grin, “You and Harry talk a lot,” he noted.

“Yeah,” Zoey nodded, picking up her slice of pizza that had now cooled down, though had a little dusting of sand on the top, “We’ve been through a lot of similar situations, so it’s easy to talk to him about it.”

Andy nodded, understandingly, being the only one that knew of Jess. Aurora nodded in agreement, “I like how quickly our little friend group formed and how well we all get along.”

Nancy laughed, “Could you imagine we all hated each other?”

“Imagine them thinking I don’t hate them,” Andy joked, turning towards Zoey and scoffing which caused Nancy to pounce on him. 

This caused an all-out war and Zoey laughed as Nancy chased Andy towards the water and Brett had practically dragged Rory behind them, letting Zoey finish her lunch, happy to be with friends. But she couldn’t help to feel that pang of sadness as she thought about how much Jess would have loved to be apart of this, too. 

The realization hit, nearly knocking the wind out of her. In just over a week it would be Jess’s birthday. The one year anniversary of her best friend’s death. And the happiness she felt just moments before was replaced with gloom. How was she going to manage this?

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