#a lot of my funds get eaten up around april

[secondsonaym]

(blinks my eyes cutely)

you want to buy some of my adopts sooooo bad

no, but seriously, my disabilities are currently at the point where i can work maybe a couple hours, then fatigue as well as a migraine hits me, forcing me to stop everything and spend a good chunk of time in bed so i reaaalllyyy need the support

I also have commissions open and am more confident in being able to get through them, albeit at a pretty slow pace, so if you want some pretty art from me then by all means <3

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[365days365movies]

April 1, 2021: The Gold Rush (1925)

If I’m going to start anywhere, it’s right at the beginning.

There’s absolutely no way I can start this month off without jumping headlong into the slapstick-filled era of the 1920s-1930s, and that begins (and arguably ends) with the man, the myth, the legend: Charlie Chaplin. And Chaplin’s got an interesting and tragic backstory, that it’s worth looking into. And he won’t be the first film star I get into, but we’ll get there.

Born in London in 1889, Chaplin was essentially raised in the world of the theatre, as both of his parents were entertainers. Raised in immense hardship and poverty, Chaplin’s early life wasn’t easy. His father left the family, and his mother struggled to provide. Eventually, she ended up becoming committed to an asylum, which led Charlie and his brother to live with their alcoholic father, which didn’t last long. Yikes.

Eventually, both parents were out of the picture by the time that Charlie was 14, with his father head, and his mother generally unwell, physically and mentally. Additionally, his brother enrolled in the military, leaving him completely alone. He left school and went to work, eventually becoming embroiled in the theatre and stage, and in 1908, the 19-year old Charlie joined a major theatre troupe, alongside another young actor named Stan Laurel. And in 1912, the group toured in the United States, where he was found by the head of the now defunct Keystone Studios, who were looking for a new star.

The first movie, Making a Living, didn’t go great for Chaplin or critics. But they didn’t give up, and put Chaplin in a second film: Mabel’s Strange Predicament. Here, Chaplin decided on a new costume. He wanted baggy pants, a tight coat, small hat, large shoes, and a little moustache. And with that outfit came the birth Chaplin’s most iconic character: The Tramp.

And BAM: history’s made. Because this film is RIDICULOUSLY successful, and very popular. A hell of a lot of films come from this, and by 1915, Chaplin was the biggest star in Hollywood history at the time. By 30 years old, he had founded his own studio, was funding his own pictures, and was the most well-known man in the United States outside of the President. And this was before he made his first feature film, The Kid.

1921 was the year that film came out, and I was originally going for that one as my first review...but I decided against it, in favor of another of his most famous films, The Gold Rush, which came out in 1925. By this point, Chaplin had also become a director, alongside actor and producer. He also...had done some not amazing things by this point. Yeah, Chaplin wasn’t the best dude, but that’s another story. I’m here to talk about this film, not about his real shitty track record with women and abandoning his children. Chaplin is a dark man with a dark history, I’ll just say that much.

But enough of that (for now)! Let’s get into the man and his works! After all, Chaplain also pioneered visual comedy in film, so this is going to be an interesting film! Let’s get into The Gold Rush! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

First things first, I’d like to make something clear: I’m watching the 1925 version, reconstructed using some footage from the 1942 re-release, which added narration to it. Because I’m interested in seeing the original, as meant to be seen by Chaplin back in the day, I’m not looking at the re-release at all. But if you’re interested (and have the subscription), BOTH are available on HBO Max!

We begin at the top of Chilkoot Pass in Alaska, a difficult terrain and a challenge to anyone looking to make it rich in the Klondike. Men are hiking up the mountain in hardship, to try get their riches. This takes place at some point between 1898 and 1899, by the way. One of these men is a Lone Prospector, AKA The Tramp (Charlie Chaplin), who walks along the narrow path while being pursued by a bear, but eventually escapes said bear, finding himself on the snowy mountainside.

Also here is fellow prospector Big Jim McKay (Mack Swain), who’s just struck it rich. But then, as both men are on the mountainside, a snowstorm hits. The Lone Prospector finds his way to a small cabin, in which the wanted criminal Black Larsen resides.

The Lone Prospector makes his way inside, where he finds and eats a partially eaten rack of meat. However, Larsen tells him to get out, opening the door, causing the wind to get in. In a humorous sequence, the wind is so strong that it prevents the Prospector from leaving, an blows Jim McKay literally though the building. But soon, all three are in the cabin.

Larsen now tries to get both of them out with the threat of violence. He fires a warning shot with a shotgun, leading to struggle between Jim and Larsen for the gun, with Jim gaining the upper hand and allowing the Prospector and Larsen to stay. The storm persists for three days, and the men grow hungrier and hungrier in the process. All the while, the shack becomes ever closer to just toppling over from the storm winds.

The Prospector ends up eating a candle with sat, he’s so desperate, and the men use a pack of cards to decide who’s going out into the storm to look for food. Larsen loses, and he heads out with his dog (who CLEARLY isn’t into this whole thing, by the way). But Larsen’s still running from the police, who are hunkered down in the storm. They find him, and another struggle ensues, leading to Larsen killing them both in the snow, and stealing their supplies. Meanwhile, in the cabin, then men are so hungry that they prepare one of the Prospector’s shoes. Delicious.

As these two dine on this Thanksgiving meal (which is shown in very funny detail, including eating the laces as spaghetti), Larsen actually stumbles upon Jim’s gold, and he hunkers down there through the storm. This leaves the men to starve in the cabin, and also leads to...a very ironic sequence, now that I think about it.

See, this film was mostly made in Truckee, California. And the most iconic thing about Truckee is that it’s the resting place of a group of travelers on the Oregon Trail. See, in 1846, a group of settlers took the wrong pathway on some bad advice, and wound up stranded in the snow as a result of one of the worst blizzards in California history. This party of travelers, known as the Donner Party (YUP), starved for WEEKS, trapped in essentially a snow pit. 87 settlers went in, and 48 came out. Most died of the cold or starvation. And some survived by, well...eating the dead. Yup. Cannibalism. Which is why this is so ironic.

For a hot second, Jim sees the Prospector as a delicious chicken, and ties to eat him, firing at him with a shot gun and driving him outside. Realizing his delirium, he quickly apologizes, and the two make tentative amends. However, in self-defense, the Prospector takes to sleeping with the shotgun. The next morning, the two struggle for the gun, and Big Jim nearly kills the Prospector, but is interrupted by the return of the bear!

The Prospector shoots the bear, and the two finally have food to eat. Soon after, the storm subsides, and the two head their separate ways, with Jim going back to claim his gold fortune, and the Prospector left in the snowy wilderness. By the way, EVERY SINGLE TIME I type “the Prospector”, I start typing “the Tramp” first, then correct myself. Despite this being the first Chaplin movie I’ve ever seen, it’s such an iconic character that I can’t help but think of him as the Tramp. I’ll probably slip up at some point later without catching it.

Big Jim returns to his camp, where Larsen ambushes him, knocking him out and stealing some of his gold. However, he’s pretty quickly killed by an avalanche, while Jim has completely lost his memory from the low of a shovel. The Prospector, meanwhile, makes his way to a nearby boomtown, built with the profits from the rush in the Gold Rush.

In this boomtown, we meet Georgia (Georgia Hale), a popular dancer that works in a local dance hall. One of Georgia’s fellow dancers has gone off with a wealthy benefactor, leaving her behind. At the hall, she’s being pursued by Jack Cameron (Malcolm Waite), an aggressive lout who’s pestering her for a dance. And just then, who should walk in?

Georgia pretty clearly wants out of the dance hall life, and is also looking for somebody to take her away from this place. However, that somebody is CLEARLY not the Prospector, whom she completely ignores. But when Jack comes back around to force her into a dance, she decides to dance with the most undesirable person in the place instead: the Prospector.

So, while this act is borne of pure spite for Jack, it’s still a dance. It’s interrupted by a nearby dog, but Georgia enjoys the dance quite a bit, to her surprise. Jack is still after her, and the Prospector actually comes to defend her, standing in his way when he tries to pursue her. This, predictably, leads to a fight between the two, during which Jack accidentally gets knocked out by a clock, which the Prospector takes as his own actions, strolling off in pride.

The next morning, the Prospector essentially tricks a man into bringing him inside his cabin to get a free breakfast. This is Hank Curtis (Henry Bergman), who welcomes him into his home for food, and to take care of the cabin in his stead. Curtis owns a mine with his partner, and they head there, leaving the Prospector in his home. All the while, Big Jim is wandering through the wilderness, trying to remember where his gold is.

Georgia is out and about as well, having some fun with friends away from the dance hall. They run around in the snow, throwing snowballs at each other. And as this is right outside of the cabin, of course the Prospector gets hit by one of them. Feeling penitent, Georgia goes into his cabin, after he invites the girls in for a warm fire. She finds a picture of her from the dance hall underneath the Prospector’s pillow, which the other girls mock. But Georgia is at least a little sympathetic.

This pleasant moment is interrupted by one of the girls’ cigarettes lighting the Prospector’s shoes on fire, causing all of them to rush out of the cabin. However, before they leave, the Prospector asks if Georgia would like to come to dinner, which she assumes refers to all of the girls. Still, she accepts, which overjoys the lovelorn Prospector.

But the Prospector, of course, doesn’t exactly have a lot of money; that’s why he’s out here in the first place. So, he goes around town and does some work for money, such as snow-shoveling. He also blocks the jail door with a giant pile of snow in the process, which doesn’t make them very happy. BUT STILL, he gets anough money, and by the time New Years’ comes around, he’s got enough money for a nice meal and a well-made dinner for him and Georgia, with whom he’s head-over-heels in love.

Shame that Georgia doesn’t share that feeling, and has COMPLETELY forgotten about the entire occasion. And so, the Prospector waits for her to arrive, while she’s at a party at the dance hall. He imagines that the dance hall girls, Georgia included, have arrived and are having dinner with him. In the process of this imaginary dinner, he puts two forks in rolls of bread...and creates one of the most iconic scenes of the Silent Era of film.

But alas, this is all in a dream. The Prospector wakes up, and midnight’s passed. At the dance hall, the revelers celebrate, with Georgia standing on the bar and firing guns into the air in the process. The Prospector is saddened, now wondering where Georgia’s been, and realizing that he’s been stood up. Auld Lang Syne plays in the score, and the partiers sing it together at the dance hall.

And it’s FINALLY AT THIS POINT that Georgia remembers that she and the girls were supposed to meet the Prospector. They head there, with Jack in tow. But the Tramp (told you I’d slip eventually) has headed to the party at the dance hall, looking for the girls that stood him up, and he sadly gazes through the window.

Meanwhile, at the Prospector’s cabin, Georgia discovers the loving meal and decorations put out, and realizes that the Prospector actually took this far more seriously than she’d thought. She realizes his feelings, and what she’s done, and feels sorrow about it. Jack tries to get her to forget it and kiss him, but she angrily rebukes him for it, slapping him in the face. They leave the cabin, with Georgia reflecting on the scene.

The next day, Big Jim McKay is trying to recall the location of his gold reserve. He goes to town, and resolves that he must find the cabin in the wilderness, and he should be able to find his way back from there. The Prospector walks right past him, still mourning his spurned love from the previous night. But said spurned love is writing him a letter, noting that she is sorry for what she did last night, and asks someone to give it...to Jack. Oh. What the fuck, Georgia? But Jack, being the dick that he is, sees the Prospector in the dance hall, and gives him the note instead, which leads him to try and find Georgia.

In the process, though, he runs into Big Jim, who needs the Prospector to lead him back to the cabin. He promises to make him a millionaire if he does, and the Prospector agrees, going up to Georgia on the balcony and kissing her, promising to make good and come back rich! The two head back to the cabin, where they stay for the night.

But that night, a vicious blizzard once again rears its ugly head as the two sleep, and literally blows the cabin to...well, to a rather precarious spot.

So, in blissful ignorance, the Prospector gets up first, and walks around the cabin, causing it to rock back and forth as the weight shifts. Big Jim also wakes up, and together, the two realize that the house is balanced on the cliff’s edge, and shifts position as the weight shifts within. That leads to a humorous sequence with a tilting set, and the Prospector looks outside a door on the side of the cliff, dangling off of it for a moment before coming back in.

Now realizing the situation, the two manage to secure a guy rope that ties the house to rocks on the cliff. However, the cabin is now tilted, making their escape even more difficult.

However, Big Jim manages to get out with some teamwork, overlaid by The Flight of the Bumblebee in the score, and he also helps the Prospector escape, just before the whole house falls off the cliff.

But lucky day! The cabin blew RIGHT to the spot where Big Jim found the gold, and the two are now multi-millionaires! The film cuts to one year later, with the two very wealthy men, and the Prospector’s been able to afford everything he’s ever wanted...except for Georgia, whom he never found. Yeah, she definitely wasn’t looking to be with him. Geez.

The Prospector gets in his old Tramp getup for a photograph taken by the Press, while on the ship heading back to the lower 48. But then...who should also be on that ship but Georgia. The two unite once again, but Georgia’s overheard that there was a stowaway on board the ship, and assumes that it’s the Prospector. She tries to defend him, but quickly learns that he’s become a multi-millionaire. With that, the two are reunited, and the photographer brings both of them up for a picture. He poses them in a way that brings them quite close...and the two kiss.

The end! That’s The Gold Rush, and I thought it was a surprisingly heartfelt film! Really, it was funny in some spots, but was a bit more sweet to me than funny. And I really liked it, in truth. I get why it’s considered one of his best! I’ll elaborate on my thoughts more thoroughly in the review, though. See you there!

[asgardian--angels]

My Syracuse Pollinator Garden - Year 2

Hi everyone! I’m sure a lot of us are facing stress during these troubling times and so as I’ve mentioned before, gardening is an excellent way to take your mind off of current events, de-stress, reflect and connect yourself with nature while remaining in the safety of your own property. Last year, when I moved into my Syracuse apartment (technically a room in my landlady’s house; I’m here for grad school), I was granted permission to start a pollinator garden. I am a pollinator ecologist slash conservation biologist so I bring some expertise with me here. I say this because I always encourage anyone who sees this and is curious about doing it yourself to come and ask me questions! I highly recommend you check out last year’s post which thoroughly goes over 1) the principles of gardening for pollinators and wildlife, 2) resources to help you learn more and get started, 3) what plants I have in this garden, and 4) how it progressed over the course of the summer in 2019. Unfortunately, because of fieldwork and coursework I had trouble keeping up with it regularly so I think I missed a fall installment. I intend to be more thorough this year. Quite a lot has already happened, and I will review it the best I can and from this point forward, attempt monthly updates. 

I also want to mention that I’ve learned a lot since last year too - better ways of doing things, since I’m not a landscaper. Such as, you don’t have to break your back digging up turfgrass for hours on end. Instead, you can smother it for three months with old newspapers and get rid of it that way. It’s also important to note that the way I have my garden laid out is not ideal for a pollinator garden, it doesn’t follow every recommended principle. That’s because I had limitations and conditions under which I had to work, given that it’s not my own land and I had limited funds. But any effort is better than nothing, so don’t think that just because it’s not perfect, it’s not worth it. It is! You can always build, change, or improve upon it later. 

In the second year of a new garden with perennials, you can expect a lot more vibrant growth - the plants have established root systems and can put more energy into above-ground growth and flower production. Thus, I was thrilled to see my plants growing more vigorously than before! 

MARCH

Here in central New York, March was still freezing, wet, and snowy. But, by the end of the month, the garden was starting to show signs of life, sending up the first shoots of hardy native perennials.

In particular, the Jacob’s ladder already had quite a lot of new growth, with the nodding onion and yarrow close behind. In my herb garden, the chives had erupted with force from the leaf litter. The yard was still messy, with dead stems and fallen leaves blanketing much of the ground. My landlady insists I clean these, but if it’s your choice, leave the leaf litter around where you can. It’s important habitat for invertebrates and returns nutrients to the soil as it decomposes. 

APRIL

The world was beginning to wake up. I had cold-stratified hundreds of seeds of native plants I’d collected last fall, and it was time to take them out of the fridge. The wild cucumber (Echinocystis lobata) had already sprouted, so I planted them in pots. The rest, I put in a seed starter tray. 

Next, within the first few days of April, male hornfaced bees (Osmia cornifrons) started emerging in multitudes from my bee hotel. These are a non-native, but naturalized, species of mason bee common in suburbia and they are the most frequent users of bee hotels in the northeast. I watched as they dug through the mud cap on their natal nests, peeking out with fresh eyes at the sun for the very first time. I felt like a proud parent. (You can see more pictures here)

At the same time, male Dunning’s mining bees (Andrena dunningi) were patrolling the new nest sites of females, dug in the soil between the stones laid down near the front door.

There wasn’t much for these bees to forage on yet, mainly the wild violets that grow each year on the lawn and my landlady’s invasive vinca. But many more of my perennials had started to come up, and I decided it was time to cut the dead stems. 

It is best to cut dead stems back in April or so if you’re in a northern clime; the purpose of this is to offer nesting places for stem-nesting bees, which will start flying in April and May. Don’t cut them to the ground, give them several inches. Leaving stems through the winter also allows birds to forage on the seedheads.

Towards the end of April, despite several more snowstorms, the barren strawberry began to bloom.

I also saw the emergence of the female hornfaced bees, with males pursuing close behind. It is advised that you discard a bee hotel after the bees have emerged, or else they will try to nest in it again, which can lead to high mortality rates, as an old structure harbors parasites and is generally dirty. 

MAY 

May was a month of excitement. Given that I have been at home almost every day instead of being on campus, I was able to closely monitor the progress of the garden, apart from a week spent at home for my birthday. The dandelions dotted the yard, attracting gynes of common eastern bumblebees (Bombus impatiens) and the first honeybees (not native, need I remind you).

Alongside the dandelions was ground-ivy, which sent up stalks of purple flowers also used by the bumblebees. Almost all my plants had sprouted at this point.

My wild cucumber, which is a vine, had grown so rapidly that I couldn’t give it support fast enough, and eventually it decided to wind itself around my drapes. I brought one home as a gift for the parents, and placed the other two outside and snaked them around the front banister. However, despite my best efforts, only two other seeds from the hundreds I cold-stratified sprouted. A disappointment for sure; I was hoping to have swamp milkweed in the yard. But, there’s a chance for the wild hibiscus! Alas, with new growth comes deer, traipsing through the yard each night intent on nibbling my natives. They hit the columbine heavy this year as they did last year, and that stunted its growth and prevented it from flowering on time. I managed to protect it by putting a recycling bin over it each night. From the 7th to the 17th, I went home and visited a local native nursery.

There, I picked up a new plant for the garden - scarlet bee balm, Monarda didyma. I already have bee balm (M. fistulosa), but this species blooms red and is attractive to hummingbirds. 

When I got back to Syracuse, I was astounded to find how quickly everything had shot up. 

Among new blooms were the Jacob’s Ladder, woodland stonecrop, and finally, the wild columbine. The chives and thyme began to flower as well.

The milkweeds were one of the last to come up, being late to break dormancy. But once they did, they grew like lightning, gaining a foot in a week. 

I planted my row of annuals (cosmos and sunflowers) along the walkway, and added beans to my herb garden. The dill and basil sprouted and once they get a bit bigger I’ll transplant them outside. 

Then, in late May, I visited my advisor’s farm, and he gave me two new plants for the garden, from his own land - Golden Alexanders (Zizia aurea), which is a lovely yellow-flowered member of the carrot family which blooms in spring, and the classic purple coneflower (Echinacea purpurea). They transplanted well.

Honestly, everything is doing better than I could have hoped. What were ungainly spaces between the plants last year are starting to fill in as they grow more vigorously - the single-stalked milkweed I put in last May is now 17 stalks, and I see seedlings of the biennial brown-eyed susans coming up all around it in a three foot radius. Even the purple prairie clover which was eaten to the ground by rabbits last summer has miraculously returned. The only thing I am still waiting on is the bottlebrush grass, which remains dormant. It’s a warm-season grass, so I hope as we get sustained high temperatures in June, it will come back! But its seedlings too are popping up all around the beds. 

And this sums up spring! It has become cold again for the week, but that won’t halt the growth once it’s started. The New England aster is almost half as tall as me, and my black raspberry has flowered and hopefully will produce a small handful for me to enjoy! 

Check back in late June for another update on the garden!

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Share a Lair 16 || Thunderstruck Birthday Girl

This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment.

Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.

“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each.

After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar.

Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.

He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.

She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place.

But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.

.

Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”

“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”

“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”

“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”

She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”

“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.

“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…

After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.

“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!”

“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it.

“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”

“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.

“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it.

She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”

“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!”

“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.

“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”

“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.

“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.”

“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she’d even want to.

“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.

“These are really good, Max.”

“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.

“I love it.”

“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!”

“I’m sorry, what kind?”

He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel.

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”

“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…”

“Yes,” she said, snatching it.

“Yes, I’m a madman?”

“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

“To clarify… Was it the letter?”

“It was the… Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him.

.

Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”

“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed.

“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.

Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!”

“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor.

They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”

“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”

“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”

“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.

Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…”

“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”

“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”

“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.

“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”

“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked.

Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”

“I did.”

“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.

“It was.”

Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”

“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”

SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”

“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.

“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”

“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.

Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.

“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.”

“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.

“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said.

Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter.

“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch.

“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.

[neshabeingchildish]

Thunderstruck Birthday Girl

This is basically just self indulgent Charlotte love showering. I generally write Charlotte as an April Taurus, because of when her birthday episode aired, so I figured this is around the time that I can just do a little cute, fun, show of love and stuff, and also give her a chance to get some nice things. It is mostly just filler, but does have at least one important piece of story and I’ll get back to the crucial parts with the next installment. Tagging, so I don’t get fussed at lol @kiddangers @adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel @famousflowermagazine I THINK that’s it? Sorry if there was someone else.

Share-a-Lair 16

Charlotte liked a lowkey birthday. Usually, she had brunch and cake with her parents and spent it with the guys in the evening. This year, Max made a bunch of plans for her, and she was curious to see how well he would do with this, so she planned to have brunch with her parents and told the guys that she would touch base with them later in the night. At some point during making plans, the boys got competitive via casual conversation and so she was told that they were going to have a bake off and that as the birthday girl, she would be able to determine who baked the best cake. “So, you’re gonna have like four cakes?” Max asked.

“Knowing the guys, not a single one of the cakes that they plan on making will make it, whether due to calamity or them just eating all of the cake.” But, if there was cake, she was definitely having some of each. 

After brunch, Max picked her up from the bistro, not really being that concerned that she wasn’t introducing him to her parents yet. He got a glimpse of them hugging her before leaving and they seemed extremely intimidating. He already didn’t like parents and hers were both successful in their own right and high maintenance from what he understood. Even the bistro that they were at was an exclusive place. Each guest had a personal server, and whenever the Pages came through, their Jamaican chef was given access to the kitchen to prepare their meals for special occasions. This morning, Charlotte had been presented with an authentic Jamaican breakfast and bottomless brunch drinks. Max couldn’t recall ever having had a brunch, much less one in an exclusive bistro, with a personal chef, personal server, and access to all of the bar. 

Superhero life paid extremely well, but it was more of a trade off, since one’s body and health was on the line with each mission. Charlotte’s father was a physicist and spent more time working than he did at home. Her mother was a college chancellor and was home just as much as her husband, even though her job was only about an hour away. They tried to make up for the blank spaces with extravagant gifts and expensive celebrations, but Charlotte was simply always happy just to be able to see both of them at once for a little bit of time, even though half of it was generally spent with her having to update them on exactly how her educational career was going and have enough accolades and credentials to account for the time she couldn’t tell them about as a hero’s tech specialist. Learning that made Max understand her overachiever complex a little bit better, but he wanted the rest of her birthday to be as relaxing and rewarding as possible.

He took the scenic route back to the lair and she leaned her seat back and rested, watching everything and listening to a playlist that he made for her. He had several. One for when she goes to sleep, one for her workday, one for when she studied, etc. This one was one that he made for car trips with her. One of his favorite things about doing stuff for her was that she always noticed. The first time he’d made her a playlist, she’d said, “You had to have made this thing specifically for me, right?” He wanted to deny it, but noticed how excited that made her and confessed. It was an amazing feeling to do something for someone special and have them not only not take it for granted, but to really appreciate it. Max didn’t always receive that from his loved ones, but he usually did from Charlotte. He was confident that she was going to LOVE her birthday time with him.

She liked being around a lot of people less than he did. So, where he might be down for a party with his friends and loved ones, she was more like her family was over here for this amount of time, and her friends over there, for that amount of time. Everything and everybody had their time and place. 

But, she told him not too long ago, “I never get tired of being around you though. It’s like… you’re practically a part of me.” She said it all casually, matter of factly. He couldn’t even hear her emotion in it, but he definitely started crying. Then there was this whole thing where she thought that maybe she said the wrong thing and tried to comfort him and apologize and explain better, “I’m not saying that you aren’t your own person or anything, just that like… my life is comfortable no matter how much of you is in it…” He had to compose himself to let her know that he was happy to hear it, not upset. He also apologized for crying, because damn… that couldn’t be sexy. Turns out, it was… as long as it’s warranted and not over every little thing! So, that was bonus scores for him.

.

Max made Henry “be scarce” from the lair for today, which was fine by him, because he had to “Serve these fools in the cakes department, anyway!” And Max just… Didn’t even WANT to know what that meant, but was relieved to later find out that it was about baking cakes and not the booty shaking contest that his brain automatically convinced him it would be. So, whenever Charlotte walked in and the place was set up like a spa, she gasped. “What’s happening?”

“You always want to grab a spa day, but you’ve cancelled like a dozen times because of work demands. So, I set up a home spa day for you… I did get funding from Dr. Page and Dr. Page, but they knew that you deserved it and since Henry asked, they just wired it to your birthday fund.”

“You and Henry got money from my parents for a birthday spa day for me?”

“I sent Henry to get money, yes. Is that alright?”

She covered her face, “That is SO SWEET! They could have eaten him alive. They’re very inquisitive people.”

“I sent him with an outline of all of the plans,” he said, with a shrug.

“You know me so well that you know how my parents are, even though I haven’t introduced you yet!” She was thunderstruck. He took her bags and handed her a robe and slippers…

After her spa treatment day, complete with Max playing guitar and singing her some songs during interludes while she waited for something to dry or settle, or whatever, she felt brand new. She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been, even though Max does stuff for her whenever he can, she obviously had still been hella stressed out - probably because of Russia, graduation, Jasper and Henry, spa days being cancelled… But, she NEEDED this and Max giving her what she needed, right on time? She would miss that when he was gone. Now, she was sad for a moment.

“Time for gift presentation!” He said, distracting her from missing him before he was gone. She perked up, skin radiant, silky smooth curls popping, and her smile beaming. She was still in her robe and had her spa day swag bag next to her, which were packages of the products used today in her spa day treatment and also products from the spa that supplied the materials. “First of all, we have…” he spun his finger around and the kitchen island rotated to reveal where he had hidden all of her gifts, apparently (and she had forgotten that this lair had many secret areas, but he obviously hadn’t). He reached for a huge bag and beckoned it to her. “From the Hart household, warmth and comfort in the form of new silk sheets and pillowcases, plus fuzzy blankets and bamboo pillows!” 

“YES!” She had been saying she needed these forever, but not getting around to ordering any because other stuff seemed more important everything she thought about it. She LIVED for luxury, though, she often talked herself out of it. 

“From Henry, himself, an assortment of fine chocolates, a wine drinking accessories set, and a collection of gourmet cheeses.”

“Ooooh… He must’ve gone into his hero funds for this!” She said, pulling things out of Henry’s gift bag.

“He did!” Max cheered. “Jasper got you…” He gave her the bucket, wrapped kind of like an Easter basket, “A stationary pail.” There was something weird in his voice. He probably had asked Jasper to get something else and Jasper was having none of it. 

She opened it to see a personal planner, a personalized pen and journal set, scented stickers, sticky pads, etc and she squealed. “He got them to match the scheme of my home office whenever I set up my new place after college!” Max furrowed his eyebrows and she explained, “You see, Max… You are very smart and pay attention to detail, but Jasper has known me for a really long time and sometimes has even the most menial of my lifestyle choices down pat.”

“Your work dads got you tickets to the Graduation Concert Festival,” he said, handing her an envelope and ignoring the declaration about Jasper. “My parents got you a kitchen set for your post graduation apartment… Well… actually, my Cousin Blobbin did, but it was my mom’s idea. Cookware and appliances!” 

“That’s… nice!” She said. She had just realized that she hadn’t gotten anything for that, yet. Just an electric kettle, a spice rack, and whatever she was going to cop from her parents’ kitchen. This was a much better situation! She had a few more pretty great gifts that she appreciated, then they were down to the last few, which were all from Max. He sat down next to her and she set aside everything that she had and let him hold both of her hands, wondering why it got so serious all of a sudden.

“Charlotte… The past months that I’ve known you have been amazing to me. Even before we got together, just looking forward to experiencing and learning you everyday has been everything that I’ve ever wanted from another person. : Hesighed and looked at their hands, “I’m officially scheduled to go to Russia for three years.” His shoulders sank. “And I know that you plan to visit and that we plan to continue long distance, but that’s still so tentative for me and scary - the thought of you being tasked with waiting on me to come back. But…” He looked over at the counter and floated something to himself, “If you want, you can stay in my comeback home.” He handed her a set of keys with a SuperMax keychain attached to it. “I know that you’ve been looking for apartments and this is actually a house, but…”

“You are asking me to move in with you for 3 years from now?” She asked.

“No! I’m asking you to move in now and get comfortable and make it your own, then whenever I’m back… we can get used to living together again, and you’ll already be set.” Her eyes widened, “But, if you don’t want to, I understand! We haven’t even been together for a year and who knows how Russia will change us.” He pressed a button on the remote on her keys and a holographic image of the house projected from it, “But, if you want to, I’m welcoming you to.” It was an elevated house on top of pillars, a garden with stair rails on either side and a carport. “And you’ll have full access to my underground lab and lair.” 

“This is a super cute house,” she said, in a tiny voice. “And a very sweet notion. I’ll… think about it…” Sensibly, she and Max had not been together long enough for this move, but also, their circumstances were special. They lived together already, basically, and their timeline was rushed for a number of reasons… But, just living with him alone, and actually moving in and keeping it while he was on tour was… a lot that she had to rationally comb through. He understood, and was grateful that she didn’t flat out say no and tell him that he was crazy for thinking she’d even want to.

“On a lighter note!” He changed the subject, “I present to you, some of my most inspired works of art…” He gave her a portfolio of several portraits that he had done of her, some very casual and cool, some extremely detailed and graphic, some as herself, some reimagined in other forms and styles. “They’re mostly from the pining days,” he said, bashfully. “But, I’m working on a big piece to hang in the comeback house.” She flipped through pages of her face, beautifully rendered and covered her heart.

“These are really good, Max.”

“I usually just draw project schematics and costumes, but I was having a phase where every time I tried, I had to draw you first, or I’d be distracted the whole time.

“I love it.”

“I figured that I did need to get you a REAL gift, though, so…” He reached for a jewelry box and opened it. It looked elegant, like fine jewelry - a set with a necklace, earrings, bracelet and a ring. “Shapeshifting jewelry!” 

“I’m sorry, what kind?”

He put the ring onto his pinky, because it would not fit anywhere else and it lit up, then it reformed itself, unbuilding and then rebuilding to look like a skull and crossbones ring. She gasped. “It scans your body and gets a record of your outfit and accommodates it. Very fun technology to have.” He took it off and handed it back. She put it on her ring finger and once again, it reformed and became a cute, thin band with a tiny pink jewel. 

“This is amazing! I’ve never seen it before.”

“Experimental tech being used for facial imagery reconstruction whenever supers get unmasked. I took the principles and put them in your jewelry!” He said, proud of himself. She was proud, too. She honestly had THEE BEST BOYFRIEND. “And, in case you felt like that was a little too much, or whatever, I have backup gifts of a simpler nature. There’s this coupon book of treats and services, yes several of them are sexual, because I made it and I can,” (she laughed) “There is this HUGE concentration candle, I mean… LOOK at this thing! Oh, and this.” He handed her some folded paper. “It’s a handwritten love letter, basically me being kind of a loser and telling you all of my feelings, but on paper, like a madman…” 

“Yes,” she said, snatching it.

“Yes, I’m a madman?”

“No… Well… yes, but… yes, I’ll move into your comeback home after college graduation.” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. 

“To clarify… Was it the letter?”

“It was the... Max. You’re perfect, Dude. I just…” she shrugged and rested her head on him. 

.

Whenever Charlotte made her way to the Man Cave, she heard the hijinks as soon as she stepped off of the elevator, and what she saw was four grown men and a young girl all fussing and covered in cake. “Did any of you save any cake?” She called from the elevator. They didn’t stop fussing or even seem to hear or notice her, so she looked around and saw a plate wrapped in saran wrap with assorted slices of cake, “I’m gonna presume that this is mine and leave with it if nobody notices that I’m here!” she called out. They were still fussing at each other and then Ray slapped Jasper in the face with a glob of icing, to which, Jasper growled and charged him and Schwoz, Henry and Piper, began to try to break it up, but all that could be seen was cake and icing flying everywhere. Charlotte left and whenever she did, she heard as the elevator door was closing, “Did any of you hear Charlotte’s voice?”

“Nice try, Henry! You don’t get away from this that easily!” Piper screamed. 

“I honestly don’t want to know,” Charlotte told herself. But, she honestly did, too.

Shortly before Midnight, whenever she came back, everything was cleaned up and she announced, “Bringing back the plate!” 

“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped out and screamed, making her scream and drop the plate which shattered on the floor. 

They ignored it and began to sing the happy birthday song to her, gathered around a cake platter that Schwoz was holding, only it had an amorphous cake on it, and could hardly hold the candles. It looked like a disaster from a cartoon. She blew out the candles and looked at them, suspiciously, “So, is this the only cake? What happened to the bake off?”

“Bake off?” Ray repeated. “We don’t have to prove that any of us are any better than the others. Besides, it’s YOUR birthday! Today was about you.”

“Did you all fight the entire time, have a huge cake fight, then gather up which pieces of cake that you could and cover it in icing to present as my birthday cake?” Everyone’s face showed that they were caught! That was EXACTLY what had happened. But Ray scoffed and said, “No! And quite frankly Charlotte, it is insulting that you would accuse us of such…”

“I saw you earlier. I took that plate of cake,” she pointed to the broken plate on the floor.

Henry began to fuss about how HE KNEW he’d heard her voice earlier, while Ray was fussing about the broken plate and Jasper was asking which cake was the best. Upon hearing that question, they all became more interested in that, “Yeah, which one? Which? Huh? Bet it was mine…” 

“Ummm… they were all actually delicious, but I preferred the lemon one…”

“YES!” Jasper cheered and began to gloat in everybody’s face. “Max liked the chocolate one that tasted like a 5 year old just threw all their favorite things into a cake.”

“I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT I AM THE CAKE COMMANDO!” Ray yelled. She figured that was his, because it was just a bunch of different chocolate things in a cake - chocolate cookie crumbles, chocolate chips, chocolate candy - she felt sick after one bite of that.

“Yeah, well, he’s probably gonna order one for his dad’s birthday.”

“Thunder Man? He’s still alive?” Ray asked. 

Piper asked, “So… you didn’t like the pineapple right side up cake?”

“I did.”

“The chocolate covered strawberry cake was a delicious masterpiece!” Henry fussed.

“It was.”

Schwoz offered, “I think that you may have misjudged the dreamsicle and pickle cake.”

“I did not misjudge it, because I didn’t know what it was and refused to try it. Max said that he didn’t know how it worked, but it somehow did.”

SHe held out her hands, “I enjoyed everybody’s cake…” She pointed at Schwoz,’ “Except for yours.”

“Awwww,” he said, crestfallen.

“But, Jasper asked which one I thought was best and…”

“And she said it without much of a thought that she preferred the lemon icebox layered sponge cake with whipped white chocolate cream cheese icing. TOLD. YOU. GUYS!” He fist bumped her and she just laughed a little bit.

Henry commented, “I got beat with an egg beater for nothing.

“Not for nothing!” Charlotte said. “I completely want that chocolate covered strawberries cake programmed into the auto snacker for my next monthly.” 

“My dreamsicle and pickle cake was the only one that used organic ingredients,” Schwoz pouted.

“I will NEVER try it. You won’t EVER tell me anything to make me try a Dreamsicle and pickle cake, Schwoz!” Charlotte said. 

Jasper said, “Well… I’m gonna have some of this birthday cake,” and grabbed a plate and the cake cutter. 

“Cut me a piece, too!” Henry asked. They all sat down and had a plate with fallen pieces of their various cakes on it and turned on a movie to watch. 

“This was actually my best birthday in a while,” Charlotte noted. She didn’t need to go into detail about Max and how perfect he was. Her friends were all happy and full of cake and even that, in it’s own way, was equally as perfect.

[ayeun]

as much as i hate all the delinquent shit my brother does and won’t forgive him for punching my neck/smashing my head into a glass table, he’s still my brother. 

today he texted me telling me that he hasn’t slept or eaten in 3 days. his girlfriend got caught at a checkpoint trying to smuggle someone in and she’s now waiting for a court day and about to get deported. the lawyer costs a lot of money and they don’t have the funds for it, and my brother isn’t going to be able to work for another two weeks. 

i ended up getting him a bacon egg and cheese hero and got him some blueberry tea and asked if he wanted to talk about it because he looked so depressed. my bro is the type to always bottle up his feelings and be broody about it bc he has too much pride. for the first time in a long time, i got him to open up and tears came pouring out of his eyes. ofc, he tried to joke immediately after, but i could tell he never talks about it to anyone.

i pointed out that he always keeps choosing some shady paths in his life, even when good opportunities open up and made him reflect on it. he told me that he got arrested last april for having a gun on him. i asked why he would have it around in the first place, and even though he jokes around about the zombie apocalypse, i feel like he always feels the need to put on a tough front to be intimidating and have others be scared of him. i hate that the people throughout middle to high school have made him the way he is, persuading him to do some sus af underground shenanigans.

i always wish that i could turn back time and stop him, some way, somehow-- from doing all this goofy shit and befriending all these people who only care about their own benefits. every time i watch my VHS baby tapes, i see how much of a gentle and caring brother he is and could have remained and it makes me so fucking sad to see him change like this over time.

god, if i can have one thing right now, please look after my brother.

[apsbicepstraining]

6 Everyday Things You Had No Clue Were Made Of Dead Swine

There are products you expect to be made out of swine, like meat, milk, or those donkey gonad insertions you bought on the internet( yes, everyone knows ). In information, you’d perhaps find ripped off if you bought a regular burger and they gave you a tofu patty with twig cheese and compost bacon. As it turns out, you’re much more likely to be in the opposite statu — experiencing some everyday part, well, every day, wholly unaware that it’s actually made from formerly alive beasts that once blinked and farted.

You don’t have to be a hardcore vegan or vegetarian to be fazed that there are dead animal fragments in innocent-looking nonsense like …

6

Your Tattoo Ink Is Maybe Made Of Incinerated Animal Bones

You only is a requirement to browse the veggie part at your local supermarket for a few minutes be noted that the Venn diagram between “avid vegetarian” and “tattoo enthusiast” is pretty close to a clique. Well, if you’re against injuring swine and never demonstrated much believe that that where that ink adorning your figure came from, is fully prepared to dislike us( and yourself) upon speaking the following new paragraph. Or, if you’re merely the queasy character, you might wanna stop here anyway.

Alexas_Fotos/ Pixabay This adorable pig commemorates your last chance to turn around .

You see, unless you went out of your room to get a vegan tattoo, that ink almost certainly contains the charred bones of dead animals. That’s what holds it that crisp, appropriately death-metal-esque blackness. And that’s not all: Animal fat is commonly used as an ink stabilizer, while gelatin made out of animal hooves acts as a bind agent. We’re gonna go ahead and guess those hooves weren’t volunteered by their original owners.

via Vegan Tattoos “Yeah, swine brutality genuinely gets under my scalp, you know? ”

Some inks use resin from shellac beetles for binding, which might be less horrifying in the vegan/ vegetarian feel, but is still skin-crawlingly gross. Fortunately, vegan tattoo inks do exist, but according to The Atlantic, “outside veggie hotspots like New York City, Portland, and Los Angeles, they can be hard to find.” We’re gonna presupposes all the cool children with vegan tattoos knew this and carefully vetted their ink, lest they become a living, breathing precedent of irony.

via Tattoos Hut “And now to read the Wikipedia article on tattooing and take a big sip of luscious ink … ”

5

Your Chewing Gum Is Chock Full O’ Sheep Grease

We’ve already told you that cosmetics contain a particularly gross essence called lanolin. What we neglected to mention is that it’s not just food ingredients in stuff you scratch on your scalp — it’s also in chewing gum. Just to be safe, you should probably spit out any gum you happen to be ruminating before we continue.

What “couldve been” be so gross? Lanolin is gunk that’s “naturally produced by the sebaceous glands in sheep’s skin” and ceases up all over their woolen, “coating the fibers with a protective, waxy sheath.” In other words, it’s sheep sweat, and it’s jolly gnarly.

To get lanolin from fleece the old-school route, you boil it and wait for the fatty to rise to the surface. More modern methods include pressing the petroleum out with rollers or spinning it in a centrifuge. Irrespective of the distillation procedure, the final result is a nice tub of “wool fat” that you’ll wishes to daddy straight into your opening and ruminate, natch.

Most gum labels don’t list lanolin as food ingredients by appoint, because it’s one of various that comprise the innocuous-sounding “gum base.” Likewise , note that although some companies claim that lanolin is “cruelty free, ” many vegans and vegetarians consider it unethical because it supports the “inherently cruel” woolen farming industry. You know, in case the “chewing on a sheep’s form oil” duty wasn’t enough for you.

4

Your Beer, Wine, And Orange Juice Might Be A Little Fishy

We’ve certainly used up our pun quota for this article already, but there’s just no other mode to set it: You might find the following information a tad crappie. Specifically, we’re speak about isinglass, a gelatinous essence made from the swim bladders of freshwater fish( like sturgeons ). It’s traditionally used in brew and wine-making as a filter to attain the finished products appear clearer, thus generating our brewskis that alluring, piss-like seem we’ve grown accustomed to.

Tossed in with other ingredients, isinglass compiles moving molecules and curdles into a clod in the bottom of the vat or barrel, where it’s easy to remove. Plenty of breweries big and small have eliminated this fish byproduct from their manufacturing, but others can’t be arsed( Guinness told you so would go vegan in 2015, but apparently hasn’t gotten around to it yet ). Admittedly, since the isinglass is removed from the brew or wine before bottling, simply minute lengths of fish bladder was possible to make it into your actual beverage. But still, it was once there and now( thanks to us) you’ll never be able to forget it.

Another favorite booze that have included fish is Tropicana’s “Healthy Heart” orange juice, which contains omega-3 acids … as well as sardines, anchovies, and tilapia. The feeling is to give consumers the benefits of fish without them actually having to eat any. This is fine and good, unless you happen to be allergic to fish or a vegetarian who didn’t stop is whether or not their glass of OJ contained something other than, you know, orange juice.

3

Your Laundry Is Replenished With Silky Soft Animal Fat

What possible beef could we maybe have with fabric softener? It’s funny “youre asking”, because it probably contains some.

Dryer membranes and fabric softeners labor by coating laundry with a film that obligates it soft to the suggestion, static-free, and springtime fresh. A all-important but rarely advertised factor in the soften process is tallow — which is made from “rendered fat from cattles, sheep, and horses.” In other texts, your dryer expanse is more like dryer sheep .

This coating continues to build up on your laundry over age, gradually dealing your undies, towels, and everything else in particles of animal fat — in fact, that’s exactly what attains the textile so damn soft. When you constrict a freshly dried towel, you’re mostly grabbing onto some Frankensteined, multi-animal love handles( good luck going that mental image out of your chief ). But hey, at least now you know why your feline is so haunted with clean laundry.

So what are your non-animal picks for softening invests? In several clauses whose producing dates we double-checked to make sure it wasn’t April 1st, experts recommend doing your laundry with vinegar. Just remember to contribute it as the liquid is crowding or already full, or you’ll travel from repulsing your salad-loving sidekicks to risking being eaten by them.

2

Likelihoods Are There’s Dairy In Your Condoms

Given their wholly un-creative call, it’s not a surprise that lambskin condoms are made of sheep intestines. Hence, we’re approximating they don’t making such a style onto the wangs of numerous vegetarians. What they probably don’t know is that the latex ardour gloves they’re using aren’t exactly cruelty-free( and we don’t mean in the 50 Shades feel ).

Most latex condoms contain something announced casein — a dairy protein commonly are in addition to pieces as varied as cheese, toothpaste, glue, coat, and, yes, your dong. Since the sentiments of raw rubber on your skin wouldn’t be very erotic, casein and other substances are used to make the latex more smooth and dick-friendly. So, while you might not be wrapping your waste in sheep intestines, “you think youre” encompassing it with solidified cow tit juice. Some condom makes too throw in some milk powder for good measure.

Fortunately, there are some condoms on the market that are free from all animal-derived essences, so vegans can breathe easy knowing that the only “biological material” in their genital raincoats is their own. But what if you’re one of those persons who escapes milk products for less humanitarian, more “not getting the poops” reasonableness? Well, according to one doctor, there’s a very small chance that the casein could prompt an allergic reaction in someone who is lactose intolerant( but she’s never seen it ). So if your marriage doesn’t have an orgasm, find free to tell yourself that that’s entirely the same reasons why.

1

In A Bunch Of Countries, Your Money Is Lubed Up With Animal Fat

You know all that hard-earned money you’re spending on vegan and cruelty-free makes? Well, uh, might wanna start looking up regions that still use the barter method. Swerves out, quite a few countries’ fund now contains tallow, which, again, is a type of rendered animal fatten. You may never hold a fatty clod of greenbacks, but on the bright side, a hunk of fat legislations is likely doable.

The culprits are polymer banknotes, which are more sturdy than another type of foldable currency and are much harder to counterfeit( apparently due to scammers’ deep commitment to cruelty-free techniques ). On the one handwriting, polymer mentions should have a lesser environmental impact in the long term, because they are last longer than article statutes. On the other hand, those with ethical or religion the rationale for scaping animal products can go screw themselves, apparently.

So, which countries have espoused this type of pork barrel spend? Lots. In addition to the UK, Canada, Australia, Mexico, Malaysia, Nigeria, Chile, and at the least 17 other nations have opted for plastic over article. Since Britain unveiled their five-pound polymer memo in 2016, some 135, 000 beings have signed an online application expecting the removal of all animal concoctions from money. A representative from the company that affords the polymer said they only recently found out about the issue and are trying to find a non-murdery alternative, but “that will take time.” In the meantime, we can only expressed the view that British charge card corporations are having their best time ever thanks to Whole Foods’ UK chapter alone.

Also check out The 6 Most Horrifying Ingredients In Everyday Cosmetics and The 6 Most Horrifying Lies The Food Industry Is Feeding You . Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 8 Popular Foods With Ingredients That Will Haunt Your Dreams, and other videos you won’t witness on the site !

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The post 6 Everyday Things You Had No Clue Were Made Of Dead Swine appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[oakpodcast]

Transmission 3 Transcript

New episode is live on Patreon. It is scheduled to release publicly at noon EST.

HOLLY:

If you're a new listener, make sure to start from the beginning.

MUSIC: "Solitude" by Muciojad

SOUND: SOS SOS SOS SOS

HOLLY:

This is Holly, broadcasting on all frequencies using protocol: MINISTER DELTA. This transmission is for Oak. All others, please disregard.

SOUND:  ...-- .-- .. .. .--- .-.

Some Things

SOUND: Nature sounds, at a park

HOLLY:

Some things you might not know. Or maybe you do, because you always seem to know everything.

Other than time, there's no way to get waterproof mascara off that doesn't cost money. At least, not that I've figured out yet. That was a long first week.

In Alabama, spring is yellow. I finally understand what "allergies" are. (sniffs)

The library will let you camp out all day with a book, library card or not.

People get a little weird when they see you running MS-DOS on a library computer, so don't expect to get away with anything illegal that way.

When the library's closed, Walmart and McDonald's employees have  a lot bigger things to worry about than you using their washroom.

People are more likely to give you money when you're holding a stray.

No one will usually stop you from showering at a public pool.

The best way to steal a towel is to walk right into a hotel around lunchtime and just take one off a cart.

Sleeping unprotected and vulnerable outside is a terrible idea. But at least you'll have good company from the other traumatized military types.

And finally, pizza is... amazing. 

Rambling

SOUND:  ... -. / .- .. -.. .- -.- --. -- .. .-.-.-

Holly:

Yes, that's right. I'm eating pizza during passover. It's not even thin crust. Not that that would make a difference, I don't think, but... you know.

HOLLY:

I don't know why I care? It's been almost fifteen years since you or I celebrated any sort of holiday like that.

HOLLY:

Besides, I feel like this past month is the closest I've ever been to wandering around a desert, so... I think that counts for something.

HOLLY:

So yes. Pizza during passover.

HOLLY:

Admittedly, pizza won't help my current digestive issues at ALL, but I suppose fewer washroom trips are ideal when you don't have a place to call home. It's worth it.

HOLLY:

We should have eaten pizza more often. We should have eaten anything good together more often.

HOLLY:

When I see you again, I'm going to eat every single meal with you.

HOLLY:

It's going to be real food, too. No more chocolate milk and smoothies for breakfast because we can't be bothered to cook. No more inhaling sandwiches at 3 p.m. because we forgot to eat lunch. And no more alcohol for dinner because we have stressful jobs. We can't use that as an excuse forever.

HOLLY:

Mostly, I think I got pizza because I wanted it to feel like hockey night—like my body hurts like this because we went on a long run together, not because I've been sleeping on benches and in chairs for the past month.

HOLLY:

And it's not like anything else sounded good. Well, a raw, bloody steak always sounds good lately, but that's not healthy. Or cheap. Unfortunately. Anyway...

HOLLY:

(Alarmed) I'm probably just being paranoid, but an SUV parked at my three o'clock right after I got here, and no one's gotten out yet. It's probably nothing, but I'm going to move anyway.

SOUND: All noise stops for a moment, then resumes.

SOUND:  -- .. .. .-

Sitrep

HOLLY:

Sitrep. I'm at a local park today. I've been trying to find an abandoned house to stay in, but it's not as easy as it sounds. It doesn't help that I get so nervous about breaking the law. 

HOLLY:

It's April 15—a nice Saturday afternoon during the playoffs. The Sens will hopefully beat the Bruins in a few hours, but either way, it should be a nice distraction.

HOLLY:

I don't think Ottawa will take the cup or even the Eastern conference, but I think they have a shot at winning the Atlantic division.

HOLLY:

You said you'd be back in time to watch the playoffs with me. That was worst-case scenario, remember?

HOLLY AS OAK: 

Don't worry, relax! I'm gonna try to be back before the 19th so I don't miss out on any wild birthday festivities. I mean, Valentine's day is more likely, but I'll try to be back before then.

HOLLY AS OAK:

If they try to make me miss being with you for the tribunal, or even worse, the playoffs, I'll just quit.

HOLLY:

Now that I think about it, that was a terrible joke. Oh well.

HOLLY:

I'm really not very good at imitating you. Did you at least get a good laugh out of my secure transmission last week? I bet you did.

SOUND:  ..... ----- ----- --..--

Podcasts

HOLLY:

I've listened to so many great podcasts recently. Rover Red is an interesting choose-your-own-adventure story. It's in the dystopian young adult vein, and it's pretty creepy.

HOLLY:

Lake Clarity is also about teenagers, but it's a modern horror story. Who doesn't love creepy camp stories? Just... maybe don't listen to it when you're going to spending a lot of time in nature. Oops.

HOLLY:

I'm good. I only barely peed myself over that fox last night (laughing).

SOUND:  ... --.- -.. -- .-. --- -. --.- ... .-.-.-

Thank You

HOLLY:

A huge thank you to Kim and Jody for pledging $10 per broadcast. 

HOLLY:

You know, my girlfriend in uni was named Jody. I say that like I've had a bunch of girlfriends. (laughs)

HOLLY:

Anyway, Jody was incredibly hot and incredibly nice. We only parted ways because I was headed to far-off places for adventure and military training and other B.S. like that.

HOLLY:

So, if you're the same Jody who used to be into... extremely 'creative erotica,' uh... hi? (Laughs) But you're probably a different Jody, in which case, disregard my awkwardness. I appreciate your support either way.

SOUND:  --- -.- .. -.. .-. ..

Inventory

HOLLY:

Inventory since last transmission: One pack of baby wipes, some makeup, a pair of tweezers because suddenly I'm really furry, one Holiday Inn towel, one Chromebook in... we'll be generous and call it "fair" condition, and roughly $12 in cash, USD.

HOLLY:

Hm, does the cat count as inventory?

HOLLY:

I can't really claim ownership of her; we don't have that kind of relationship, but I named her anyway. (Cat purring) Say hello to General Leia Janeway.

HOLLY:

This cat and I have a pretty good arrangement worked out. I feed her plain cheeseburgers or the cheese from my pizza, as well as a warm, cozy lap to sleep on, and she looks extra cute so people give me more money. Then she wanders off to do her thing with whomever, and I sleep at the shelter if I'm lucky, and we meet back up again later.

SOUND:  -.. .- ...- --. .-. ..

Makeup

HOLLY:

Anyway. Cheap makeup. It's funny how often camouflage involves smearing something on your face. Mud, camo paint, foundation... it's kind of all the same to me.

HOLLY:

You're probably cringing so hard right now, picturing me doing my own makeup. This cheap sponge thing is nowhere near as good as yours, and a flickering fluorescent light doesn't compare to your vanity back home. Ugh, just putting makeup on myself is a nightmare.

HOLLY:

I can't believe the list of things I took for granted now includes you dabbing makeup on me before parties and annual evaluations. I used to complain so much. And now I'd give anything for you to come do my eyebrows again.

HOLLY:

I spent a dollar more to get the foundation that clears breakouts. Was that frivolous of me? Ugh, probably. My face has just been so aggravated since you left. I thought it was stress, but... (sighs)

Holly:

I decided there was no point in messing with eye makeup. It's a bitch to put on, it's a bitch to get off, and no one really looks that closely, I don't think. Especially not if you're wearing glasses.

HOLLY:

A scarf would help, too. Between that and the Chromebook, I could get away with wearing pretty much anything and just look like an especially worn-out doctoral student. But the scarf is pretty low on my list of financial priorities right now. If I can't steal one from you like usual, I'm not going to bother.

HOLLY:

So much of my life has been spent undercover as a normal person. Ever since we joined the military, both of us have had to... look, you make a really good Marine, surprisingly, but I'm not cut out for it. I never was.

HOLLY:

I hate running laps. I hate doing pushups. I hate doing pull-ups. And pretending to be normal just really, really wears me down.

HOLLY:

Being able to work part time... that was ideal. I could have not worked at all, but I liked working with you. Besides, I wouldn't have felt right mooching off you for my entire life, and the only alternative to that is mooching off Mom and Dad, and that comes with too many strings. Like having to talk to them, for starters.

SOUND:  --.- .. ---...

Coffee

HOLLY:

I've never understood how you do it. Act normal, I mean. I've watched you stir speed into an iced coffee bigger than our coffee maker and then go to work, like it's business as usual. You flew right under everyone's radar. Maybe you spoke a little too fast sometimes, but I was always the one with "issues." Not you. 

HOLLY:

Ugh, I distracted myself thinking about coffee. Iced coffee. 

HOLLY:

I know I shouldn't be drinking coffee at all right now, just in case. I'm just so exhausted all the time. It's hard to keep an eye out when they keep closing without my permission.

SOUND:  -. --- .. --.- -.. ... --. -. --

Attraction

HOLLY:

So, as previously mentioned, I got the funds for a Chromebook off Craigslist. 

HOLLY:

You probably would have pick-pocketed someone your first day here or... just talked them into giving you their wallet, but I've never been good at those things.

HOLLY:

Somehow, I don't think the girl voted "Most likely to die in a hilarious freak accident" and "Most likely to become a serial killer" is the best person for stealth or charisma.

HOLLY:

That SUV is back. It's probably just people playing Pokemon Go, but I'm going to relocate again.

SOUND: All noise stops then resumes

HOLLY:

Apparently, a relatively attractive woman holding a sign that says, "Hungry veteran, please help" will attract all kinds of interesting job prospects.

HOLLY:

I've never really thought about the word "attractive" before. It's always used as a compliment. But it's so obvious now that I'm looking at it in my head...

HOLLY:

Attract...ive. Attractive.

HOLLY:

An adjective to describe someone who magnetically attracts all kinds of strange and unwanted bullshit.

HOLLY:

I've honestly never considered myself attractive. I'm not fishing for compliments there. I mean I literally get surprised by my reflection sometimes, as in, I get surprised by having a reflection. 

HOLLY:

The idea that strangers find me attractive confuses me. I'm an autistic 32-year-old who's never been independent in any sense of the word. And right now I'm homeless. Not exactly my definition of a catch.

SOUND:  .-. -.-- .-.. ..- --. -. .-. --. .-.

Objective

HOLLY:

Do you remember that time you saved the mission by seducing... I think she was a diplomat? (Laughs) Okay, I have to be more specific. The one in Dubai, remember?

HOLLY:

You and I have always had a relationship like me and this cat. You come and go as you please, and I wait around for you to come back.

HOLLY:

After that diplomat, you kept asking if I was secretly upset over what happened. If I was... jealous. You didn't believe me, but I really wasn't. Maybe I would have been a little upset about it if we'd failed our objective, but we didn't.

HOLLY:

Likewise, maybe I would be upset right now if I'd failed my own objective... but I didn't. I have pizza and a Chromebook, and I might get an iced coffee later, and I feel too relieved to feel anything else.

HOLLY:

​Things are good, all things considered. I'm totally fine.

SOUND:  -.. .-. -.. --- .-.-.-

Dissociation

HOLLY:

Okay, that's sort of a lie. I'm one giant ping-pong machine of emotions lately, and I hate it.

HOLLY:

I am relieved. But I'm also zoning out a lot. I'm ridiculously paranoid. And my nightmares are worse than ever now.

HOLLY:

I probably should have listened to Evergreen and gone to counseling when I had the chance. I should have taken care of a lot of medical things when I had the chance. But something something about hindsight, right?

SOUND:  .-.. -.. -.-- / -.. -... -... .. --- ... .-.-.-

Options

HOLLY:

Anyway. All that to say that I figured something important out last night.

HOLLY:

Either you're incapable of helping me, or you're an even better actor than I thought.

HOLLY:

Because I might not care what you do for a mission, but you care a lot.

HOLLY:

So. Option one, you're dead.

HOLLY:

Option two, you're in prison somewhere.

HOLLY:

Option three, you're some kind of sadistic, soul-less asshole capable of completely fooling me for years, if not decades.

HOLLY:

I think option three is the least likely. It's not that I can't see you running a long con like that on someone. Because I can. You'd be really good at it. I just can't imagine you running it on me.

HOLLY:

Option one... It seems like the most likely possibility. If I had to guess for someone else, I'd pick that one.

HOLLY:

But it just doesn't feel right. I've always known when something was wrong with you before. I have this nagging feeling that if you were actually dead, I'd know.

HOLLY:

And like I've said before, I can't think like that. Because if you are dead, you'd probably want me to join you. And don't get me wrong, normally I'd be completely on board.

HOLLY:

Which... is not the most healthy mindset, but I never said it was.

HOLLY:

But things are complicated now. There's potentially a lot more at stake than just my life. Things that might not come to fruition anyway. But definitely not if I die.

HOLLY:

I don't know how I feel about anything. I want completely contradictory things and I don't know what to do.

HOLLY:

And honestly, fuck you! You don't get to do something stupid and get yourself killed and then expect me to off myself too just so you can have company. It doesn't work like that! I mean, it used to, but not anymore. You should have planned better. Asshole.

SOUND: Holly's phone ringing

HOLLY:

Oh shit, how do I—

SOUND: Ringing stops

HOLLY:

Oh. Apparently not like that. 

HOLLY:

Anyway. For now, I'm going to assume you did something stupid and got yourself arrested—

Phonecall

SOUND: Phone ringing

HOLLY:

Hello?

GENERAL WILLARD:

Hello, Holly. 

HOLLY:

(Gasps softly)

GENERAL WILLARD:

We need to talk. Don't hang up—it's about Oak.

[theflashgrant-archive]

Au Fudge → Gustario

Tagged: Grant Gustin & Troian Bellisario @hqtbells Location: Au Fudge, Los Angeles, CA Time Frame: Friday Night, April 28th Notes: Grant and Ali have dinner and spend time with Troian, Phillip and Sophia.

Troian finished buckling up Phillip and Sophia in their car seats, making sure they were locked and secured. "You ready to go see Uncle Grant?" She asked Sophia with a smile, tickling her daughter's stomach to illicit a reaction out of her and her eyes strayed over to where Phillip had his face buried in her iPhone. He liked to make the games on there and if it meant that he didn't spend the whole car ride trying to annoy his sister or demanding she play the Chipmunks on repeat..then Troian could swallow her guilt about appeasing her children with frivolous technology. "Alright, let's go!" She called out and got into the front seat, starting up the car and making the drive over to Au Fudge. It was just easier to drive there separately with the car seats (trying to undo one and then relatch it was a nightmare) and Troian sent a handless text over to Grant that they were on their way. When they arrived, she managed to get her phone back from Phillip and had him hold Sophia's hand as they walked over to where Grant was parked. "Hi guys," she greeted them and immediately outstretched her arms for her daughter. "Hi beautiful," she sang out. "How's my favorite little goddaughter, huh? I missed you, did you miss me?"

Grant had Ali alone this weekend since Danielle was away doing a convention and he was excited to get some one on one time with her. He knew he'd be leaving to film in Costa Rica soon so it would be nice to get this time with her beforehand. After feeding the dogs and making sure they were all set, Grant got Ali situated in her car seat before heading to Au Fudge where he was meeting Troian and the kids. "We're going to see your godmother, sweetheart. And Phillip and Sophia. Are you excited?" He asked, smiling at her as she held onto her puppy. They got to the restaurant and found a spot that ended up being near Troian, getting Ali out of her carseat and carrying her towards the entrance. Smiling as he saw Troian and the kids meeting them there, Grant waved with his free hand. "Hey guys," he said, watching as Phillip ran to wrap his arms around his legs. "Hey buddy," he said, ruffling his hair gently. "Wow, she gets a proper greeting before me? Rude," he said, rolling his eyes playfully. "She might've missed you a little bit, it's still up for debate," he teased.

Troian pressed a kiss against Alison's cheek, breathing in that fresh baby from a shower smell that all little ones seemed to just naturally have and then smiled warmly at her best friend. "Babies always get first dibs on hellos," she teased and then leaned in to give him a friendly peck on the cheek as well. "She definitely missed me! I'm the coolest godmother around, isn't that right?" Picking up Alison's foot and wiggling it, Troian leaned down to hold Sophia on her hip and then took Phillip's hand as he let go of Grant's leg. "You ready to go in? I'm starving, I need food. I've been saving my appetite for this all day." It had been a while since Troian had gone out to eat at a nice restaurant and even though the evening would be spent mostly on making sure their children behaved and didn't cause a mess, Troian was still ready for somebody else to wait on her and cook the food and just relax, catch up with Grant. She held the door open for all of them and then followed everybody in, stepping forward to the maitre'd and giving them her reservation name. "I put it under Gustario," she winked at Grant as they were led to a table in the back.

Grant chuckled and shrugged. "Fine, I'll accept that. Especially since she's so cute," he said, kissing his daughter's cheek. "I'm starving too. I haven't really eaten much all day since I've been filming. Tom keeps me distracted all day long," he smirked. They walked inside and Grant laughed when Troian said she put the reservation under Gustario. "For real? You're a dork," he said, nudging her playfully. He followed the hostess to their table in the back, glad they'd be secluded and not have to worry about anyone noticing them. He got Ali set up in a booster seat and sat down next to her, Troian across from him and the kids on either side of her. Grant took a quick glance at the menu and realized there was a lot of healthy and vegan options which made him smirk. "Now I know why you chose this place," he teased. "So what am I going to like here?" He then asked as he started looking through the menu.

Troian shrugged her shoulders playfully as Grant teased her. She thought it'd be a safer, and much more fun, option than putting it underneath her actual name. She didn't want to be bothered tonight by anybody, she just wanted to focus on catching up with Grant and spending time with their respective children. When they arrived at the table, both parents worked quietly to get their children situated and then Troian was pulling a menu towards her. "I've never been here actually," she replied as he asked her what was good. "I just checked them out online." Troian knew the place was started by Jessica Biel and a lot of Hollywood starlets recommended it, so she had wanted to give it a shot. "But yeah, the vegan choices make it pretty easy to order," she smirked at him. "There's ribs and burgers..shit, truffle fries." Troian's eyes widened. She knew what she wanted already but she might just have to specially order those because they sounded delicious. "I think I'll have the Vegan Caesar with a side of the truffle fries." Closing her menu, Troian glanced up as a waiter came to take their drink orders and she asked for a water, and two sodas for her kids. When the waiter had walked away, Troian folded her hands together and smiled at Grant. "So. Tell me what's new! How's filming going?"

Grant furrowed his brows. "You haven't? I figured you would've found this kind of place by now. Hopefully it's good because then you can come here more often. And maybe I will too, depending on if I like it," he smirked. "I wonder if Danielle has been here before. She usually goes to all the hot spot restaurants in LA when she's here," he said. "I'm probably just going to get a burger. Can't go wrong with that. As long as they don't make it a veggie burger on me," he teased, scrunching his nose in disgust. Grant had brought Ali's food so that he'd be able to feed her while they were out, taking out a jar of it and starting to do that before his own food came. "Not much is new. Tom and Grant is officially done, it was only four days but it was a lot of fun. It's going to be a pretty short film, probably around twenty minutes but it'll still be great," he said. "We've done pretty well with funding too which is always a plus," he said. "And now I'm just gonna chill until I go to Costa Rica which could be any day now. I swear my hiatuses are never actual hiatuses but it's fine," he chuckled while shrugging. "I should have June free and Danielle and I are going to London for a bit I think. What about you? What's new with you?"

Troian shook her head. "I don't really get out much, honestly. I'm not that comfortable in large crowds and unless I'm with friends, I tend to stick close to home. Anxiety." She shot him a wry smile and watched as he fed Alison. It made her chest twinge a bit to remember when her own kids were that small and she reached over to Phillip, smoothing his blonde hair back and scooting her chair back so he could sit on her lap. He'd have to move when the food came but for now, it felt good that he wanted to cling to her. This wouldn't last forever. "If the food is gross, I promise we'll stop somewhere else and eat," she countered back with a chuckle. "I just know there's a treehouse and a play area somewhere around here that I thought the kids would like." Troian waved her hands around, motioning to the general back area where it was. "It's a very cute, kid-friendly place. If they don't get entertainment every five minutes, my kids go a little stir-crazy." She smirked at Grant and then thanked the waiter as he brought over their drinks, taking their food orders next. When he left, Troian turned her attention back to her best friend. "I'm very excited to see Tom and Grant," she smiled at him and then continued playfully. "And I want my prize!" She hadn't even hesitated in donating money, knowing how much it helped when she did her own short with Shay. "Costa Rica is at least a beautiful place to work at," she pulled a sympathetic face at him but then brightened at the mention of London. "Ooh! Seeing Louis and Harry, I presume?" As for what was going on with her..Troian tucked her hair behind her shoulders. "I'm looking for the next big thing, I guess. And spending time with these two." Phillip leaned back against her chest and Sophia was busy banging her silverware around, Troian hastily trying to take it from her. "I swear, my daughter is slowly becoming a mini me and it's not fun. My poor dad."

Grant nodded. "I understand. I don't really go out often either so I hear you," he said. "Homebodies forever," he said, leaning over to hold his fist out for her to pound. "That's cool, we'll bring them there afterwards then," he said while nodding. "That's...pretty normal, I would guess. Ali is getting pretty greedy for attention too. She always wants Danielle and I paying attention to her," he chuckled as he continued giving Ali more of her food. "You'll get your prize soon! I think. I don't know. Tom has basically been in charge of this whole thing so he knows better than I do," he laughed. "It is, I'm excited. It's gonna be fun and I'm glad I get this opportunity. Plus I love the beach so it's perfect," he said. "Danielle has a convention in London so then we're going to spend a week to visit Louis and Harry, yes. And probably Ed too as long as he's around. Which I hope he is," he said. "Well at least you get some more time with the kids while you're figuring out what's next. That's never going to be a bad thing," he added. It was funny to see how different Phillip and Sophia were, Phillip being so calm and Sophia causing trouble. "She really is, I can see it. The world better watch out, I don't know if they can handle another you," he teased.

Troian knocked her knuckles gently against Grant's, chuckling at how dorky of a move it was before she pulled back, the bright smile still on her face. "Well, who can blame her?!" She shook her head, taking in the sight of how sweet and quiet Alison was being as she was fed. "Look at her, she's a little angel." She had the best features of Grant and Danielle combined and Troian was obviously very biased, but she found her to be the cutest little nine month old in the world. "Has she said more than Dada yet? Any Mama's or is Danielle still going insane?" She gave Grant a warm smile, remembering fondly of herself constantly asking Phillip and Sophia to say her name. It took a while but eventually they caught on..and luckily, they never stopped saying it in those sweet voices when she needed to hear it. "Tell Tom if he doesn't give me my goodies, I'm gonna find him." Troian smacked her fist into her palm as threateningly as she could (which wasn't very) and then straightened up as their food came. She passed the plates over to Phillip and Sophia and began to cut up the burgers so they could take small bites at a time. "Oh, that's fun!" She remarked on the mention of Danielle having work there and them seeing their mutual friends. "Say hi to everybody for me. I'm going to have to make some time to go back." When she had the chance to finally eat her own food, Troian relaxed in her chair and began to fork bits of the salad into her mouth. "Yeah," she said after she swallowed. "I love being with them and I'm not complaining. I missed them like crazy when I was away." Rolling her eyes as he commented on how similar Sophia was to Troian, she let out a low groan. "Seriously, her and I are going to go head to head a lot. I can feel it. I'd say wait your turn with Alison but I don't know, I'm getting the vibe she's going to be a good girl like Danielle."

Grant smiled and nodded. "She's always saying Dada, it's still the only word she says so I think Danielle is going a little crazy," he chuckled. "Come on Ali, let's show Troian. Say Dada," he said. "Dada," she said in her cute voice, Grant melting at the sight. "It still gets me every time," he grinned. "I love it," he sighed happily. "I'll be sure to pass the message along, I know many people would back you up on that also," he laughed. Grant started eating his burger when it arrived, smiling as he saw that Phillip and Sophia were having the same. "You're the odd one out, Bells," he teased. "I definitely will. It'll be nice. Usually I don't go to conventions with her but I've been telling Louis I'd try to get to London as soon as I can and this is the perfect time," he said. "Yeah, I bet. Now you get to make up for lost time. And soon enough, your next big thing will come. You're too talented for that to not happen," he told her, sensing she was slightly worried about it. "I would pay to see those kinds of head to head interactions," he smirked. "Definitely. She takes after Danielle a lot, which I love. Even if she's Daddy's girl, she looks more like Danielle and acts like her. It's perfect."

Troian raised her head, her face expectant as she waited for Alison to speak and then a wide smile split across her lips at the sound of Alison speaking for her dad. "Wow!" She clapped her hands. "That's so good, Ali, yaaaay!" It was funny how big of a deal you made everything when they were that little but it was rewarding to see how happy and pleased with themselves they got afterwards. Even Phillip and Sophia were clapping, which tickled Troian. She took another bite of her salad and then gamely went along as Grant teased her. "Yeah, yeah, I'm the boring healthy one," she chuckled and continued spearing pieces of lettuce with her fork along with the quinoa. The burgers looked good too but only if they were veggie, and Troian hadn't seen an option for that. "London's great and why not, right? The convention isn't long, is it? Let Danielle do her thing and then you guys can go off and have a fun family vacation." Reaching over to wipe at Sophia's face, Troian glanced over as Grant commented that she didn't need to worry about finding work. Since she had just wrapped something, it didn't make her panic as much as it had but she knew it'd be a little worry just niggling around in the back of her mind for a while. "Thanks, bub," she told him softly with a small smile and then reached over to steal one of his fries. "Don't worry, I'm sure you will. And that's great." Danielle was obviously woman goals and Troian knew if Alison grew up to be just like her, she'd be perfect. "Maybe Alison will be a good influence on Soph," she joked and looked over at Phillip. "I can see Philly trying but I have a feeling Soph will /always/ be the boss with him. Like her mama," she smirked, winking at Grant.

Grant smiled as Phillip and Sophia started clapping after Ali said 'Dada', finding it to be adorable. "I know, it's amazing how she'll say it when I ask or even just out of the blue. She's stopped calling the dogs Dada though thankfully," he laughed, shaking his head at the thought. "Yeah, the convention is only for the weekend so then we figured staying the week after that to spend time with friends would be the best thing. "Of course, it's just the truth," he told his best friend, smiling at her softly. "Hey! Those are my fries," he said when she stole one from his plate. "Yeah, I'm definitely okay with that. She's so well behaved and has been such a good baby from the start. She barely gave us a hard time even in the beginning and now she's sleeping on practically a normally sleep schedule which is awesome," he said. "It definitely helps when we're filming since our hours always vary," he added. "Maybe, or Soph might try to corrupt Ali in which case I better watch out," he chuckled. "Yeah yeah. You're the boss," he rolled his eyes playfully.

Troian simply smirked as Grant reprimanded her for taking one of his fries and instead, reached over to take one of Phillip's. "Ma/ma/," she teasingly echoed what she already knew he was going to say and made a playful glower right back at him as he pouted at her. Her kids were both so protective over their food and would act as if you had stolen all their toys if you tried to eat from their plate. She munched into the fry and then tried to finish up the rest of her salad, knowing she didn't have much food back at home. She needed to have a grocery run. "Comparing you to Jett. I can see it," Troian teased and nodded as he confirmed what they'd be doing in London. "I hope you guys have a good time. Buy me a present." Was she serious, was she not serious, they just didn't know. Finishing up her meal, Troian wiped her hands and then stretched her hands out to Alison. "Lemme hold this perfect little baby." She unlatched the high chair and picked up Alison, giving a soft coo as she settled her on her lap. "I know you're a little angel but I'm going to need you to start giving your daddy just a /liiittle/ more trouble for your godmama T. Okay? Can we work this out?" Alison simply stared at her though and then Phillip asked to hold her, Troian giving Grant a look. "Do you think he can handle it? I'll turn so that I can hold her too if he gets too fidgety."

Grant chuckled and shook his head. "I probably do have some similarities to Jett though. No shame," he shrugged. "Jett seemed pretty bothered by being called Dada though. Maybe he's not ready for that kind of commitment," he teased. "We'll see, maybe we'll get you a present," he smirked. "Presents!" Phillip yelled and Grant chuckled. "I'll get you a present when I leave the country buddy, don't worry," he said. When Troian gestured to hold Ali once they were done eating, Grant smiled and watched Ali sit there contently and just let Troian hold her. She was being so good and Grant was happy about that, though not surprised at all. Once Phillip asked if he could hold Ali, Grant pursed his lips, wondering if it was a good idea. "Yeah, I'm sure he can. Plus we're both right here. He can give it a shot," he said, knowing Phillip would probably be fine with her. Plus the image would be adorable. Once Phillip was holding Ali, Grant made sure to take a picture, wanting it for himself and so that he could also show Danielle. "Good job buddy. Keep her nice and secure."

Troian nodded once Grant gave his permission for Phillip to hold Alison and gently maneuvering her over so that she was in his lap, Troian kept herself close by - just in case. Sophia was watching all of this curiously, and Troian waited with bated breath for her to get jealous but luckily she kept quiet. "Yeah Philly, just hold her, okay?" Phillip had some experience, though. He had been a big brother to Sophia for two years now and he knew how to be gentle enough that he didn't hurt Alison and strong enough to keep a grip on her so she didn't fall. Watching as Alison tugged at Phillip's hair, Troian laughed at the look on Phillip's face and how his patience eventually broke. "Mama, here," Troian quickly gathered Alison up and then held out her palm. "High five, girlfriend! Always fun to annoy the boys." Alison slapped her hand in delight and Troian laughed again, looking over at Grant and bouncing his daughter lightly on her knee. "Geez, hurry up. We've got a play area to explore," she teased. "You eat so slow!" Everybody was done except for Grant and even Sophia playfully pitched in for her uncle to eat faster.

Grant chuckled once Phillip got tired of holding Ali, giving her back to Troian. "You did good, bud. You're a great big boy. Are you gonna look after Ali for me as you guys grow up?" He asked, smiling when Phillip nodded. Realizing he was the only one who wasn't done eating, Grant scoffed. "I've been a little busy! Had to feed my daughter and got distracted by you guys. This isn't all my fault here," he said, smirking as Sophia started to speed up the process. Eventually he had finished and Grant paid the bill, making his way out of the restaurant with Ali in his arms, following Troian and the kids. Once he spotted the playground area Troian was talking about, he saw Phillip running over to it and Sophia trying to catch up to him. "If only Ali could walk, she'd probably be joining them," he chuckled, keeping her close. Ali rested her head on his shoulder now and Grant kissed the top of her head gently.

Troian ,along with the kids, continued to playfully egg on Grant as he hurried to finish up his meal. Since he was paying the bill, Troian thought it only fair to leave a decent tip behind, and she gathered up her purse to follow him in the lead to where the play area was. "Alright. Go crazy. Be careful!" She called out after Phillip, who had already tugged off his shoes and began running. "Hold sissy's hand!" Her eyes narrowed as she made sure he was listening to her, Troian was satisfied to see he did and then sat down at a small table with Grant and Alison. "Trust me, she'll be walking before you know it," she smiled at him and then directed her smile towards Alison, pleased when she got one in response. Baby smiles were enough to melt even the coldest of hearts and Alison's was no exception. "I want more," she suddenly announced, her brown eyes bright as she took in how young Alison was and how everything was still so exciting. "I want more babies, bub. I want Philly and Soph to have more siblings and have a big family." She let out a wistful sigh and stared at her two kids playing, Phillip climbing up the slide and Sophia sitting down on the ground and grabbing blocks to stack.

Grant nodded as Troian spoke. "Oh I know. I mean she's almost a year old. Three months away. It's crazy. She's growing so fast," he said to his best friend. He knew she knew that feeling well since she experienced it with two kids already but it still felt so surreal to him. He smiled as he watched Phillip and Sophia playing while he had Ali in his lap now who was quiet and content, holding her stuffed animal puppy. When Troian said she wanted more babies, Grant was a little surprised at the sudden statement. "You do?" He asked her, pursing his lips. Troian wasn't with anyone currently but that didn't mean it wouldn't happen in the future. "You'll get that. You're gonna find someone and have a family with them. As much as I tease you for being old, you are still young mother wise so you have time. If you want to have more kids, I think it'll happen at some point," he told her.

Troian chuckled softly. "I feel like I have very few years left," she confessed. "And honestly? I'm not sure I'm gonna get that white picket fence, ring on my finger lifestyle." She wasn't trying to set herself up for a pep talk but that was just the way the world worked. Some people /had/ it, some people just didn't. There needed to be checks and balances in the world. "I think too much has happened for me to see myself in any future except the one I'm in right now, with my kids." She shrugged her shoulder. "Maybe they'll be my best love stories and that'll be it." It had surprised her too that she had blurted out to him her wistful baby fever and Troian swallowed anything else she wanted to get off her chest, knowing he was probably uncomfortable with listening to it all. There were just some things you had to keep to yourself. "But that's okay!" She patted his hand, giving him a bright smile and then looking at her kids once more. "I'm really lucky to have what I have right now and I know that." Standing up as Phillip called out to her, Troian turned back towards Grant. "Come put Ali in a swing and let's see how high we can push Philly. I might even let you buy him a treat before we leave." She winked at him before turning around and making her way over to her son and daughter.

Grant listened as Troian explained what she thought her future looked like. Obviously no one knew better than she did, or maybe that's just how she felt and how things looked right now. Anything could happen or change in an instant but Grant realized she was talking this out for her own benefit and he was going to let her do that. "As long as you're okay with that. But it kind of sounds like you're trying to convince me and yourself of that," he told her. Grant could always see right through Troian and when she was lying or trying to convince herself of something. "I just truly want you to be happy, Bells. Whether you end up alone with two kids or having five more with someone else. You deserve to be happy. And anything can happen in the future, it's not set in stone. It may look a certain way right now but things can totally change. I mean you witnessed it happen with me," he shrugged. He stood up and followed Troian to the swings, putting Ali in one and smiling at her smile. He took a picture of it so he could send it to Danielle before pushing Phillip who kept saying 'higher'. "Oh you know I'm going to get him something, with your permission or not," he teased.

Troian mulled over what Grant said and just gave him a small smile, acknowledging that she had heard him and that she was taking what he said to heart. It didn't need to be discussed, though. This was their opportunity to catch up and have fun with each other and the kids, not be sad and reflective. Since Grant had control of both Alison and Phillip, Troian focused solely on pushing Sophia who kept squealing every time she went up a little higher. "If he goes any higher, Philly, you're gonna fly!" Troian told her son, laughing as this now prompted him to yell out that he wanted to fly. Shaking her head, Troian smiled at Grant and then the two of them continously alternated turns, pushing different kids and listening to their happy noises as they just enjoyed being little. After a few minutes though, Troian rolled back her shoulders. "Dessert time? My arms are getting tired."

Grant laughed as he continued to push Phillip harder so that he would go higher. He kept Ali in the swing, not wanting to push her yet in case she didn't like it. Troian was doing the same with Sophia but not pushing her nearly as high as he was pushing Phillip. Eventually Troian started to say that her arms were getting tired and Grant laughed. "Fine, fine. Sorry Philly, time to go. But we're going to get a bunch of sugar in you, okay?" He said, Phillip clapping excitedly at that. They had found a little place near by that sold all sorts of things cotton candy, chocolate and assorted candy and when Phillip pointed at the blue cotton candy, Grant wasted no time getting him some. "You're gonna eat all of this?" Grant asked and Phillip nodded. Once Phillip had it in his hand, Grant had to take a picture since he looked adorable eating it.

Troian tugged on the swing chain so that it eventually stilled and holding out her arms, pulled Sophia out and rested her on the ground. She wasn't kidding - she worked out as much as possible but her arms felt like she had been pumping iron for /hours/. Child raising was a workout routine in itself. She held onto Sophia's hand and playfully glared at Grant as he told her son he was getting a sweet treat, even if she had basically approved of it earlier. It was just something they always did when getting together and Troian knew that it was Grant's special thing with Phillip. She wasn't going to step in and ruin that. Following them over to a candy stand, Troian pushed back Sophia's hair and shook her head as the blue cotton candy was purchased. Of course. After Grant had taken the photo, Troian bent down to steal a portion of it and her fingers sticky already, she let Sophia have some and then she finished off the rest, enjoying the way it instantly dissolved on her tongue. "He's going to be so hyper," she sighed but there was no actual irritation in her tone. Just resigned amusement. "You wanna start heading back? Maybe he'll get all his energy out by walking.." A mother could dream.

Grant held Ali in his arms as he watched Phillip start to devour the cotton candy. Troian took some for herself and for Sophia and Grant was tempted to let Ali try it but she didn't seem interested, resting her head on his shoulder and close to falling asleep. "Of course he's going to be so hyper, that's always the point," he teased after posting the picture of Phillip on Instagram. "We can start heading back, yeah. I bet he'll be done with it by the time we're back in the parking lot. Look how hardcore he's going," he said, chuckling while shaking his head. Grant didn't regret it one bit and obviously if Troian really didn't like it, he wouldn't have done it but he had a feeling Troian knew this was just their thing. When they got back to the lot, Phillip was nearly done with his cotton candy and Ali was now sleeping on his shoulder so he knew it was time to part ways. "I'm glad I got to see you guys and spend time with you. I'll let you know again once I'm back in LA. Not sure when I'm headed to Costa Rica yet but maybe I can see you once more before then, depending," he said, wrapping one arm around Troian to hug her while still holding his daughter.

Troian continued to try and help Phillip eat the cotton candy, not wanting him to get a stomach ache, but he seemed determined to be a big boy and finish it on his own. Glancing over at Alison who had fallen asleep, Troian smiled. She was disappointed the little girl wouldn't be able to give her a kiss goodbye but the whole evening had probably tired her out. It tired /Troian/ out. When they stopped at Grant's car first, Troian leaned in to press a kiss against Alison's cheek and then returned Grant's hug, giving him a friendly little peck on the cheek as well. "It was fun, thank you for paying," she smiled at him. One of these days, she was going to reach her wallet before Grant did on their meals out. One of these days. Pulling back, she watched as Phillip hugged Grant's leg and then leaned Sophia forward to air brush Grant's cheek, not wanting to disturb Alison before she nodded at what he was saying. "Definitely. I want to come over and check out your crib," she grinned at him. "Drive safe!"

[theherblifeblog]

Can I Be A Drug Advocate As the Sister of A Drug Addict?

by Kait Heacock

The night I learned of my brother’s overdose, I cooked a large pot of food. Every time I’ve eaten this meal after, I’ve thought of it as the death meal. I was in survival mode: make enough food to feed myself for the next couple of nights because eating was one of the fews things I could guarantee. Eat, breathe, sleep, maybe. That week I drank too much and smoked weed every night. The weekend in Atlantic City, a new couple’s getaway, was damaged beyond repair, but we went, and I consumed everything I could to feed the vacuum inside me.

The Epidemic

Much like survivors of gun violence focus on gun reform or breast cancer survivors raise money for research, those of us touched by the opioid crisis feel a personal responsibility. I did not save my brother; that fact will remain with me for the rest of my life. But I refuse to sit quietly and watch other families fall apart, not when there are potential real solutions. Opioids are a big pharma backed scourge made possible by doctors rushing to dull the symptoms of chronic pain rather than treat the cause. We should stop scapegoating cannabis and put actual funding into more in-depth research.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s latest report found the number of opioid-related overdoses rose by nearly 28% between 2015 and 2016. These overdoses break down into prescription opioids, synthetic opioids, and heroin. It was heroin that took my brother, though his entry point was the painkillers given to him after foot surgery. After some fifteen years struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction, a doctor handed him a death sentence when they filled out that prescription.

In a report released in April 2018, JAMA found a correlation between legalizing marijuana and a reduction in opiates, and this follows a report from 2017 by the National Academies finding evidence “to support that patients who were treated with cannabis or cannabinoids were more likely to experience a significant reduction in pain symptoms.”

 According to a .gov drug abuse website, “Marijuana use disorder becomes addiction when the person cannot stop using the drug even though it interferes with many aspects of his or her life.” The website carries a whiff of reefer madness, so quick to offer marijuana as a gateway drug because it still holds the counterculture stigma of “turn on, tune in, drop out.” I was raised in the DARE, “just say no” generation, where we were taught that all drugs are the same. Unfortunately there are people, including those high up in our government, who can’t separate cannabis from other drugs.

For the record, former Attorney General Sessions, cannabis is not the same as heroin.

There were moments following my brother’s death when I wondered if I could do it too, need something so much I’d risk my life for it. I hovered on the brink but never dove off it. Is want and need the difference between dependence and addiction?

 In an alternate universe, my brother was told cannabis was not just another “illicit drug” made to fuck him up, but that it was a medicinal alternative to address the pain caused by his surgery.  

The Survivors

In an alternate universe, my brother survives. Not lives, survives. Because this is an epidemic.

I look for answers because I don’t have a brother anymore. A cursory glance at headlines suggest we exercise to combat the epidemic. The Trump administration wants to explore policy allowing the death penalty to be sought for drug dealers, and yet there is no mention of punishing pharmaceutical companies. We are fumbling in the dark for an answer to this plague. Is it really so absurd to suggest cannabis?

Entrepreneur and Ellementa co-founder Ashley Kingsley is a survivor. She is two years sober from pills and alcohol, and attributes her recovery to cannabis. Ashley suffered from undiagnosed Endometriosis for years, and from the age of 15, doctors prescribed her everything from sleeping pills to Percocet. When she was finally diagnosed, she underwent multiple surgeries and began to rely on opiates to dull the pain.

“It was like I had to feed something inside of me, like this beast,” Ashley described of her pill addiction. She tried AA, yoga, therapy—everything to get sober. “I was functional. I wasn’t jobless or homeless. I wasn’t what people pictured.”

Melissa Heldreth, co-founder of Panacea Plant Sciences, considers her family survivors too: “My brother was one of the lucky ones. He is one year and eight months off heroin, and it’s been a struggle for years.”

Melissa is also sober, and she uses cannabis for anxiety and pain relief. She, like so many others who become advocates, knows firsthand the risk of using cannabis when drug addiction is in your family, your life, yourself. When I shared with her my fear of a potential cannabis addiction, she told me, “I 100% understand this battle of thought process, but I look myself in the mirror every day and know this is the right thing for me. I’ve never been healthier or happier in my life.”

 She supports her and her brother’s recovery stories with evidence, pointing me to studies on how CBD stops addiction. “THC is what stops heroin and alcohol withdrawals that could potentially kill a person. While there are people with addictive personalities who should watch their intake, studies show that weed, itself, is not addictive,” she explains.

 “This is my main mission in life, to help end the stigma in using cannabis for sober people. To show people this is a less risky, healthier way to elevate so many things that doctors push prescriptions for. Prescriptions that are extremely addictive,” Melissa adds.

Ashley echoes the sentiment, saying, “Cannabis has changed my life—in so many ways. I want these kinds of stories out there.”

My Survival

I admit that I relied heavily on alcohol, weed, and sex to numb, self-medicate, and distract myself after my brother’s death. I was in survival mode. We don’t always make the best choices in desperate situations. In the nearly six years since, I’ve stopped sleeping around for the sake of departing my body, and I’ve stopped the reckless nights of binge drinking just to force myself to sob on the walk home, a needed pain extraction that was as messy as my wet face.

In the years since my brother’s death, my relationship with cannabis has only deepened. I’ve utilized it in both my running and writing routines, began learning its medicinal benefits through work with a women’s wellness network, and now proclaim myself a cannabis advocate.

I want to normalize cannabis and proclaim its benefits, but it’s hard to do that when first you have to fight stigma and stereotypes. I worry people can’t—or refuse—to see the plant in a new light. But I also worry that their shortsightedness prevents them from utilizing something that can help with pain, sleeping problems, and in my case, wading through the emotional chaos left inside of me in the wake of my brother’s death.

What I’ve found the most interesting in my experiences using cannabis to affect my mood is that it seems to help me better hone in on what I’m feeling and process it. When I drank, it was a distraction from what I was really feeling, or like I was only able to experience the raw, visceral tears. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in for an ugly cry, but sometimes I wanted to dig deeper than that, and that’s where cannabis shaped a lot of my grief journey. It slowed me down and helped me shed the inhibitions that kept me from truly exploring my grief.

I haven’t always felt comfortable admitting that cannabis helped me fight my way out of the dark places I had fallen into in the wake of loss. I worried people would think I was no different than him, using drugs to escape my problems. To preempt that, as anyone with addiction in their family should consider doing, I’ll take breaks from using cannabis and alcohol to check the want versus need ratio, sometimes for a week, maybe a month. I don’t ever want to need it, don’t want to abandon everything and wind up like my brother, frozen in his Alaskan backyard, hundreds of miles away from his children.

In an alternate universe, my brother and I sneak away from Thanksgiving dinner at our parents’ house, pass a joint by the lake, and talk about how big his kids are getting. But I don’t get to live in that universe. I live in this one; I survive in this one.

If you or someone you know is suffering and needs help there are resources available:

U.S.A.

The National Drug Helpline offers 24/7 drug and alcohol help to those struggling with addiction. Call the national hotline for drug abuse today to receive information regarding treatment and recovery.

Tel:1- 888-633-3239

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Tel:1-800-273-8255

Canada

For questions or concerns about substance use during pregnancy, please contact Motherisk’s Alcohol and Substance Use Helpline​ at 1-877-327-4636 (toll-free in Canada).

For access to a listing of programs offered to First​ Nations and Inuit, visit: Addictions Treatment for ​First Nations and Inuit​​.

The new Canada Suicide Prevention Service (CSPS), by Crisis Services Canada, enables callers anywhere in Canada to access crisis support by phone, in French or English: toll-free 1-833-456-4566 Available 24/7

Crisis Text Line (Powered by Kids Help Phone) Canada Wide free, 24/7 texting service is accessible immediately to youth anywhere in Canada by texting TALK to 686868 to reach an English speaking Crisis Responder and TEXTO to 686868 to reach a French-speaking Crisis Responder on any text/SMS enabled cell phone.

KidsHelpPhone Ages 20 Years and Under in Canada 1-800-668-6868 (Online or on the Phone) First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness 24/7 Help Line 1-855-242-3310 Canadian Indian Residential Schools Crisis Line 1-866-925-4419 Trans LifeLine – All Ages 1-877-330-6366

Visit thelifelinecanada.ca for more services.

[pullgram4-blog]

Grass-Fed Meat Wins, Grain-Fed Meat Loses

You've probably noticed that in nearly all of my recipes I write “grass-fed” next to whichever animal protein is in it. This is not just because, but rather due to lots and lots of research.

For many years I didn't think that it mattered what “style” of meat I purchased. Sure, everyone said that grass-fed was better, but was it really? It just seemed like they were trying to get me to spend more money. I chose to switch over anyway and see what the hype was all about (without doing much research either). Right away I noticed something; the color was different!

And after that first meal, I noticed that the flavor was different, the texture was different, and even the tenderness was different! Which made me even more curious. So I finally did some research, and I will never go back!

There are countless benefits to eating grass-fed meat over grain-fed, so many that it would take up way too much of your time for me to explain them all to you! So I went ahead and picked the points that stood out the most to me. Even so, there's still a LOT of information here.

In an attempt to help you better navigate through all of this information, I broke it down (by section) in this list for you. If you can, please take the time to read this in full. But if you can't read it all now, go ahead and skip to the section that best suits your needs and come back later for the rest!

Grass-Fed Meat and What Makes it Different

Why Grain Fed Meat Sucks

The Unethical Treatment of the Cows

High Doses of Antibiotics

The Reason Your Meat has Hormones in it

How Grass-Fed Differs from Grain-Fed

Top Tips to Cooking With Grass-Fed Meat

Where Can I Buy Grass-Fed Meat?

Top Five Favorite Grass-Fed Dishes

Grass-fed meat comes from cows who have been fed an entirely grass-based diet compared to the commercially funded and conventional grain fed method. A grain-fed diet is typically made from a base of corn and soy.

As we have learned over the years, both of these products (corn and soy) are ones that we want to steer clear from at all costs… especially soy! We don’t think twice about it when our food eats it, but we should!

You might be thinking, “I have eaten conventional meat products my entire life, how bad could they be?”.

Starting around the mid to late 1940’s, cows began being raised in Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations, or CAFOs for short. CAFOs are designed to optimize the production of our meat in an attempt to keep up with the increased consumption rates, but the methods they use to do this are less than desired.

What makes grain-fed meat so bad? Here are some of the most shocking methods

Using the grain-feed instead of grass-feeding the cows

Kept in tight/close quarters that are both unsanitary and inhumane

Given high doses of antibiotics in an attempt to defeat diseases

Given hormones to speed their growth in an unnatural manner

Let’s dive a little further into each of these…

Grain-Fed vs. Grass-Fed

The benefits of using a grain fed diet for the cows is decreased cost and increased production. Keep in mind that this benefits the CAFOs only; not the people consuming the product or the cows!

By using a grain fed diet, they get to feed the cows with genetically modified products. As if that wasn’t bad enough though, they often use fillers as well! These fillers have been discovered to include things as insane as gummy worms and marshmallows. Literally taking any measure necessary to decrease the cost of the feed, while still fattening the cows. Which is the second benefit to a CAFO for using a grain-based diet.

By getting a cow fatter, they will reach the mandatory minimum weight needed to be sent off for slaughter sooner. This allows the companies running the CAFOs to produce more meat at a quicker rate.

Tight and Unsanitary Living Quarters

As if fattening the cows wasn’t enough, they also herd them into the tightest quarters possible. Which goes to show how profit is more important than proper treatment.

By fitting as many cows into as small a space as they can, they are able to make more money and send them off to the slaughterhouse quicker.

From an ethics standpoint this is obviously wrong, but how does it affect your physical health?

High Doses of Antibiotics

Since the cows in CAFOs are kept in such tight and unsanitary quarters, they often get very sick.

In order to “save” the rest of the cows from getting sick, the sick ones are pumped with antibiotics in a lame attempt to combat the diseases that the CAFOs themselves created. By having a reactive approach, the disease will still spread, requiring the use of antibiotics for even more cows.

This means that the same cows that were pumped full of antibiotics to kill off a disease created by unsanitary living conditions are being butchered and sold in the same packaging.

Hormone Injections

While the cows are getting fatter from the grain fed diets, they are not necessarily growing faster. In order to combat this, the CAFOs pump cows with hormone injections to speed up their growth.

These hormones end up becoming part of the cow’s molecular structure and when all is said and done, we are eating their meat.

This stresses me out!

Just as you wouldn’t want to eat a corn or soy-based diet, imagine you lived in the same conditions as these cows. You would want out pretty quickly! But you can’t get out. So what happens? You get stressed! Well surprise, surprise… the same happens with cows!

When animals (humans included) are stressed, they have an increase in a stress hormone which is known as cortisol. This increased cortisol becomes part of the meat that we are consuming. And cortisol consumption has been linked to many avoidable health issues!

How does grass-fed differ?

Grass-fed, free-range cows are given the ability to roam and eat a natural diet. Essentially, they are allowed to live the way cows were meant to live. The result of this is properly raised cows that are stress-free.

With that, there is no need for hormones as they are being raised in a natural state, growing at their normal rates of progression. And, being in a free range environment, their quarters are not as confined, which allows for the reduced possibility of diseases. Thus resulting in less use of antibiotics. Instead, antibiotics are only used when needed, rather than as a preventative measure.

An additional aspect that makes grass-fed meat better than grain fed meat is the leanness of the meat. By having less fat (from a proper diet) the resulting meat is leaner!

Another benefit is that grass-fed meat also contains around 5x as many Omega-3 fatty acids as grain fed meat does and twice as much CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acid)! These compounds are often associated with a reduction in body fat!

You will also find more vitamin A & E in grass-fed meat than you will in grain-fed meat.

Top tips for cooking with Grass-Fed Meat

Due to the leanness of the meat, the cooking time and procedures are changed slightly.

With grass-fed meat you will find that it cooks quicker and there is less shrinkage from fat loss since it is a leaner cut! This results in a thicker and juicier burger EVERY TIME!

Because of the quicker cooking time, people often overcook their grass-fed meat which results in a chewier texture than conventional grain-fed meats.

To combat this, all you need to do is cut back on the cooking time! And in some instances, you could greatly benefit from seasoning or marinading your meat too! When doing so, you’ll get a juicier and tender piece of meat every time!

Where can I buy grass-fed meat?

Some areas have local farms and butchers where they can obtain grass-fed meats! Although more often than not this is not the case.

I don’t have to worry about the effects that grain-fed meat has on my health, or where to buy grass-fed meats locally, thanks to my friends at Thrive Market.

In April, Thrive Market introduced an all-new grass-fed and free-range meat program! Which was made as an addition to their already existing online marketplace of organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, and healthy food options available nation-wide.

When testing their services out, they sent me a box of their new meats to try which included options like; chicken breast, ground beef, and salmon! But when they sent it to me, I was out of town! My family couldn’t resist waiting, so they opened it!

I pretended to open it again for your sake and made an unboxing video!

In this video, you’ll see all of the meat I received, and hear some more information on their amazing new program!

They truly have so many options already available in their marketplace, and this addition is a real game changer!

Not to mention, their products are already 25-50% cheaper on average than typical retail prices as they are solely an online marketplace! And they send it all right to your doorstep in a matter of days!

That discount didn’t seem like enough though, so I got you an extra 25% off your first order and a 30-day free trial when you use my link. Just a simple thank you from me to all of you!

My Favorite Dishes Made with Grass-Fed Meat

Now, as you probably know, I have a protein source in 99% of the things that I cook. So I figured it would be beneficial to you if I chose my 3 favorite dishes made with grass-fed and free-range meats!

Stir Fry Beef Salad With stir-fry, you are cooking the beef quickly within the saute. This is perfect for grass-fed meat in order to have a lean, quickly cooked, and tender addition!

Balsamic Grilled Chicken This recipe is so full of flavor, it would be a shame to use conventional-commercially processed chicken with it!

The Perfect Paleo Burger With grass-fed beef, the number one use is as ground beef. Due to the leanness of the meat, burgers and other things made from grass-fed beef end up thicker and juicier than any grain-fed beef would!

Crockpot Rump Roast This rump roast has stood the test of time for a reason! Seven years later and it is still one of the number one viewed recipes on my site. Don't miss out!

Crockpot Pulled Pork Nothing beats a tasty and simple pulled pork in my eyes! This one is seasoned with caveman rub and then left to cook in the crockpot! Super simple, yet wildly tasty!

I hope that this information helps you when making an informed decision as to whether or not you make the switch to grass-fed! Or that it reinforces your existing opinion on the topic!!!

Source: https://civilizedcavemancooking.com/wellness/grass-fed-meat/

[dani-qrt]

Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince

RIYADH (Reuters) – Saudi Arabia’s crown prince wants to build a mega-city with the latest robotics under his grand plan to reform the kingdom.

A for-sale banner is placed on a private villa under construction, near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

Civil servant Amer al-Ghamdi has a simpler dream: to buy an affordable home.

Whether Ghamdi and some 1.2 million Saudis in a similar financial position manage to do so will be vital if Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is to convince his people that the reform plan will benefit not just the super-rich.

Ghamdi, 35, spends most of his $2,670 monthly wage paying back loans he took to get married and buy a car. He and his wife, Hanan, now have three children and struggle to save money.

Buying a home is out of the question. A 250-square meter (2,691 square feet) house in Saudi cities costs from 700,000 to 850,000 riyals ($186,000 to $226,000), said Ibrahim Albuloushi, head of U.S. property consultant Jones Lang LaSalle in Saudi Arabia.

That is up to 10 times the annual salary for a low-income family in the Gulf Arab state.

“I tried to look for one of my relatives in Saudi to pay off my debts and give me a down payment to apply for a house at one of the commercial banks, but the interest will be very high and I am already paying a lot,” said Ghamdi, who lives in the capital Riyadh.

Saudi Arabia, the world’s top oil exporter, was once awash in petrodollars. This helped it provide a cradle-to-grave welfare system for its citizens with almost no taxation.

But a slump in oil prices has made fiscal discipline and diversification away from oil vital. Prince Mohammed’s Vision 2030 plan sets out to modernize the economy and reform the deeply conservative country, the birthplace of Islam.

The young prince, 32, has moved forcefully and rapidly where earlier leaders moved gradually and achieved moderate results.

AFFORDABLE HOMES

Some Saudis, however, are skeptical. Western media have reported extravagant purchases by the crown prince, including a $300 million French chateau and a $500 million yacht.

In response to a question about these reports in an interview with U.S. network CBS in March, Prince Mohammed said his personal life was “something I’d like to keep to myself” but that he was a rich man who also made donations to charity.

The first contracts awarded for the NEOM business zone mega-project in the northwest of the country were for five palaces for the royal family.

Some critics say the pace of reform is too fast. They cite cuts to a generous subsidy system and the introduction of value-added tax early this year, moves that have hit some Saudis hard and eaten away at savings.

Compounding problems, the population has grown. It reached 32.55 million in 2017, a rise of 44 percent from 2004, and Riyadh’s boundaries are growing rapidly.

The housing minister says there are plans to build 1 million houses in five years with an investment of over $100 billion, mainly through public-private partnerships. Deals have been signed with South Korean and Chinese firms and U.S. companies have expressed interest.

“Real estate is the mirror of the economy. You cannot build homes if people cannot afford to buy them,” said Abdullah al-Sudairy, chief executive of mortgage finance company Amlak International. “Affordable housing means cost is five to six times annual income… We are not there yet.”

Newly constructed private villas are seen near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

The ministry wants 60 percent of Saudis to own homes by 2020. It is working with local banks to facilitate financing and help developers increase the supply of affordable units by reducing red tape.

WAITING LIST

Some 500,000 Saudis are on a waiting list for the Saudi Real Estate Development Fund (REDF), an arm of the housing ministry which offers Saudis interest-free loans to buy state-backed houses which cost around 650,000 riyals. This can be paid in long-term monthly installments of up to 2,500 riyals each.

Khalid al-Amoudi, REDF general supervisor, said most could have access to finance in the next three years.

Ghamdi has been on the waiting list since 2011 and relief is nowhere in sight.

He has asked his wife to look for a job. But the last offer she received at a food factory offered only 3,500 riyals a month, most of which would have been used to put her infant daughter in nursery and for transportation costs.

Ghamdi is worried about taking out a new bank loan because of fears the government may make further cuts in state spending.

Salman al-Shedoukhi, a 30-year-old engineer with a monthly income of 15,000 riyals, also wonders if he will ever receive a government-backed house.

“To get bank financing for an average 900,000-riyal home, you will end up paying double this amount. It means I would spend 20 years using half my salary to pay off the loan,” he said.

To save money, he has moved into his father’s house with his wife and two daughters. But he is still burdened by a loan taken out four years ago to get married.

NO ROOM FOR ERROR

Members of the Shura Council, a government advisory body, have criticized the housing ministry for slow progress in solving the problem and fulfilling citizens’ aspirations, questioning the number of land plots handed over.

“The housing ministry’s biggest achievement is chaining the citizens with a big loan from commercial banks and a bigger monthly installment,” Abu Yazid Al Huwaiti, a Saudi citizen, wrote in a Twitter post in April.

Some housing officials have been replaced in recent years for failing to tackle the affordability issue.

There is no room for error as Prince Mohammed is counting on people like Ghamdi to support his reforms.

“Will they achieve 100 percent of the very ambitious goals they have set for themselves? Probably not,” said David Dew, who is managing director of SABB bank and monitors housing and unemployment.

“But will they make serious progress? Absolutely yes, they have to and they will.”

(For graphic on Saudi Arabia’s economy, click: tmsnrt.rs/2sjRrVK)

Reporting by Marwa Rashad; Additional reporting by Stephen Kalin; Editing by Michael Georgy, Ghaida Ghantous and Timothy Heritage

The post Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2xx8SHy via Online News

[cleopatrarps]

Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince

RIYADH (Reuters) – Saudi Arabia’s crown prince wants to build a mega-city with the latest robotics under his grand plan to reform the kingdom.

A for-sale banner is placed on a private villa under construction, near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

Civil servant Amer al-Ghamdi has a simpler dream: to buy an affordable home.

Whether Ghamdi and some 1.2 million Saudis in a similar financial position manage to do so will be vital if Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is to convince his people that the reform plan will benefit not just the super-rich.

Ghamdi, 35, spends most of his $2,670 monthly wage paying back loans he took to get married and buy a car. He and his wife, Hanan, now have three children and struggle to save money.

Buying a home is out of the question. A 250-square meter (2,691 square feet) house in Saudi cities costs from 700,000 to 850,000 riyals ($186,000 to $226,000), said Ibrahim Albuloushi, head of U.S. property consultant Jones Lang LaSalle in Saudi Arabia.

That is up to 10 times the annual salary for a low-income family in the Gulf Arab state.

“I tried to look for one of my relatives in Saudi to pay off my debts and give me a down payment to apply for a house at one of the commercial banks, but the interest will be very high and I am already paying a lot,” said Ghamdi, who lives in the capital Riyadh.

Saudi Arabia, the world’s top oil exporter, was once awash in petrodollars. This helped it provide a cradle-to-grave welfare system for its citizens with almost no taxation.

But a slump in oil prices has made fiscal discipline and diversification away from oil vital. Prince Mohammed’s Vision 2030 plan sets out to modernize the economy and reform the deeply conservative country, the birthplace of Islam.

The young prince, 32, has moved forcefully and rapidly where earlier leaders moved gradually and achieved moderate results.

AFFORDABLE HOMES

Some Saudis, however, are skeptical. Western media have reported extravagant purchases by the crown prince, including a $300 million French chateau and a $500 million yacht.

In response to a question about these reports in an interview with U.S. network CBS in March, Prince Mohammed said his personal life was “something I’d like to keep to myself” but that he was a rich man who also made donations to charity.

The first contracts awarded for the NEOM business zone mega-project in the northwest of the country were for five palaces for the royal family.

Some critics say the pace of reform is too fast. They cite cuts to a generous subsidy system and the introduction of value-added tax early this year, moves that have hit some Saudis hard and eaten away at savings.

Compounding problems, the population has grown. It reached 32.55 million in 2017, a rise of 44 percent from 2004, and Riyadh’s boundaries are growing rapidly.

The housing minister says there are plans to build 1 million houses in five years with an investment of over $100 billion, mainly through public-private partnerships. Deals have been signed with South Korean and Chinese firms and U.S. companies have expressed interest.

“Real estate is the mirror of the economy. You cannot build homes if people cannot afford to buy them,” said Abdullah al-Sudairy, chief executive of mortgage finance company Amlak International. “Affordable housing means cost is five to six times annual income… We are not there yet.”

Newly constructed private villas are seen near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

The ministry wants 60 percent of Saudis to own homes by 2020. It is working with local banks to facilitate financing and help developers increase the supply of affordable units by reducing red tape.

WAITING LIST

Some 500,000 Saudis are on a waiting list for the Saudi Real Estate Development Fund (REDF), an arm of the housing ministry which offers Saudis interest-free loans to buy state-backed houses which cost around 650,000 riyals. This can be paid in long-term monthly installments of up to 2,500 riyals each.

Khalid al-Amoudi, REDF general supervisor, said most could have access to finance in the next three years.

Ghamdi has been on the waiting list since 2011 and relief is nowhere in sight.

He has asked his wife to look for a job. But the last offer she received at a food factory offered only 3,500 riyals a month, most of which would have been used to put her infant daughter in nursery and for transportation costs.

Ghamdi is worried about taking out a new bank loan because of fears the government may make further cuts in state spending.

Salman al-Shedoukhi, a 30-year-old engineer with a monthly income of 15,000 riyals, also wonders if he will ever receive a government-backed house.

“To get bank financing for an average 900,000-riyal home, you will end up paying double this amount. It means I would spend 20 years using half my salary to pay off the loan,” he said.

To save money, he has moved into his father’s house with his wife and two daughters. But he is still burdened by a loan taken out four years ago to get married.

NO ROOM FOR ERROR

Members of the Shura Council, a government advisory body, have criticized the housing ministry for slow progress in solving the problem and fulfilling citizens’ aspirations, questioning the number of land plots handed over.

“The housing ministry’s biggest achievement is chaining the citizens with a big loan from commercial banks and a bigger monthly installment,” Abu Yazid Al Huwaiti, a Saudi citizen, wrote in a Twitter post in April.

Some housing officials have been replaced in recent years for failing to tackle the affordability issue.

There is no room for error as Prince Mohammed is counting on people like Ghamdi to support his reforms.

“Will they achieve 100 percent of the very ambitious goals they have set for themselves? Probably not,” said David Dew, who is managing director of SABB bank and monitors housing and unemployment.

“But will they make serious progress? Absolutely yes, they have to and they will.”

(For graphic on Saudi Arabia’s economy, click: tmsnrt.rs/2sjRrVK)

Reporting by Marwa Rashad; Additional reporting by Stephen Kalin; Editing by Michael Georgy, Ghaida Ghantous and Timothy Heritage

The post Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2xx8SHy via News of World

[dragnews]

Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince

RIYADH (Reuters) – Saudi Arabia’s crown prince wants to build a mega-city with the latest robotics under his grand plan to reform the kingdom.

A for-sale banner is placed on a private villa under construction, near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

Civil servant Amer al-Ghamdi has a simpler dream: to buy an affordable home.

Whether Ghamdi and some 1.2 million Saudis in a similar financial position manage to do so will be vital if Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is to convince his people that the reform plan will benefit not just the super-rich.

Ghamdi, 35, spends most of his $2,670 monthly wage paying back loans he took to get married and buy a car. He and his wife, Hanan, now have three children and struggle to save money.

Buying a home is out of the question. A 250-square meter (2,691 square feet) house in Saudi cities costs from 700,000 to 850,000 riyals ($186,000 to $226,000), said Ibrahim Albuloushi, head of U.S. property consultant Jones Lang LaSalle in Saudi Arabia.

That is up to 10 times the annual salary for a low-income family in the Gulf Arab state.

“I tried to look for one of my relatives in Saudi to pay off my debts and give me a down payment to apply for a house at one of the commercial banks, but the interest will be very high and I am already paying a lot,” said Ghamdi, who lives in the capital Riyadh.

Saudi Arabia, the world’s top oil exporter, was once awash in petrodollars. This helped it provide a cradle-to-grave welfare system for its citizens with almost no taxation.

But a slump in oil prices has made fiscal discipline and diversification away from oil vital. Prince Mohammed’s Vision 2030 plan sets out to modernize the economy and reform the deeply conservative country, the birthplace of Islam.

The young prince, 32, has moved forcefully and rapidly where earlier leaders moved gradually and achieved moderate results.

AFFORDABLE HOMES

Some Saudis, however, are skeptical. Western media have reported extravagant purchases by the crown prince, including a $300 million French chateau and a $500 million yacht.

In response to a question about these reports in an interview with U.S. network CBS in March, Prince Mohammed said his personal life was “something I’d like to keep to myself” but that he was a rich man who also made donations to charity.

The first contracts awarded for the NEOM business zone mega-project in the northwest of the country were for five palaces for the royal family.

Some critics say the pace of reform is too fast. They cite cuts to a generous subsidy system and the introduction of value-added tax early this year, moves that have hit some Saudis hard and eaten away at savings.

Compounding problems, the population has grown. It reached 32.55 million in 2017, a rise of 44 percent from 2004, and Riyadh’s boundaries are growing rapidly.

The housing minister says there are plans to build 1 million houses in five years with an investment of over $100 billion, mainly through public-private partnerships. Deals have been signed with South Korean and Chinese firms and U.S. companies have expressed interest.

“Real estate is the mirror of the economy. You cannot build homes if people cannot afford to buy them,” said Abdullah al-Sudairy, chief executive of mortgage finance company Amlak International. “Affordable housing means cost is five to six times annual income… We are not there yet.”

Newly constructed private villas are seen near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

The ministry wants 60 percent of Saudis to own homes by 2020. It is working with local banks to facilitate financing and help developers increase the supply of affordable units by reducing red tape.

WAITING LIST

Some 500,000 Saudis are on a waiting list for the Saudi Real Estate Development Fund (REDF), an arm of the housing ministry which offers Saudis interest-free loans to buy state-backed houses which cost around 650,000 riyals. This can be paid in long-term monthly installments of up to 2,500 riyals each.

Khalid al-Amoudi, REDF general supervisor, said most could have access to finance in the next three years.

Ghamdi has been on the waiting list since 2011 and relief is nowhere in sight.

He has asked his wife to look for a job. But the last offer she received at a food factory offered only 3,500 riyals a month, most of which would have been used to put her infant daughter in nursery and for transportation costs.

Ghamdi is worried about taking out a new bank loan because of fears the government may make further cuts in state spending.

Salman al-Shedoukhi, a 30-year-old engineer with a monthly income of 15,000 riyals, also wonders if he will ever receive a government-backed house.

“To get bank financing for an average 900,000-riyal home, you will end up paying double this amount. It means I would spend 20 years using half my salary to pay off the loan,” he said.

To save money, he has moved into his father’s house with his wife and two daughters. But he is still burdened by a loan taken out four years ago to get married.

NO ROOM FOR ERROR

Members of the Shura Council, a government advisory body, have criticized the housing ministry for slow progress in solving the problem and fulfilling citizens’ aspirations, questioning the number of land plots handed over.

“The housing ministry’s biggest achievement is chaining the citizens with a big loan from commercial banks and a bigger monthly installment,” Abu Yazid Al Huwaiti, a Saudi citizen, wrote in a Twitter post in April.

Some housing officials have been replaced in recent years for failing to tackle the affordability issue.

There is no room for error as Prince Mohammed is counting on people like Ghamdi to support his reforms.

“Will they achieve 100 percent of the very ambitious goals they have set for themselves? Probably not,” said David Dew, who is managing director of SABB bank and monitors housing and unemployment.

“But will they make serious progress? Absolutely yes, they have to and they will.”

(For graphic on Saudi Arabia’s economy, click: tmsnrt.rs/2sjRrVK)

Reporting by Marwa Rashad; Additional reporting by Stephen Kalin; Editing by Michael Georgy, Ghaida Ghantous and Timothy Heritage

The post Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince appeared first on World The News.

from World The News https://ift.tt/2xx8SHy via Today News

[newestbalance]

Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince

RIYADH (Reuters) – Saudi Arabia’s crown prince wants to build a mega-city with the latest robotics under his grand plan to reform the kingdom.

A for-sale banner is placed on a private villa under construction, near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

Civil servant Amer al-Ghamdi has a simpler dream: to buy an affordable home.

Whether Ghamdi and some 1.2 million Saudis in a similar financial position manage to do so will be vital if Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is to convince his people that the reform plan will benefit not just the super-rich.

Ghamdi, 35, spends most of his $2,670 monthly wage paying back loans he took to get married and buy a car. He and his wife, Hanan, now have three children and struggle to save money.

Buying a home is out of the question. A 250-square meter (2,691 square feet) house in Saudi cities costs from 700,000 to 850,000 riyals ($186,000 to $226,000), said Ibrahim Albuloushi, head of U.S. property consultant Jones Lang LaSalle in Saudi Arabia.

That is up to 10 times the annual salary for a low-income family in the Gulf Arab state.

“I tried to look for one of my relatives in Saudi to pay off my debts and give me a down payment to apply for a house at one of the commercial banks, but the interest will be very high and I am already paying a lot,” said Ghamdi, who lives in the capital Riyadh.

Saudi Arabia, the world’s top oil exporter, was once awash in petrodollars. This helped it provide a cradle-to-grave welfare system for its citizens with almost no taxation.

But a slump in oil prices has made fiscal discipline and diversification away from oil vital. Prince Mohammed’s Vision 2030 plan sets out to modernize the economy and reform the deeply conservative country, the birthplace of Islam.

The young prince, 32, has moved forcefully and rapidly where earlier leaders moved gradually and achieved moderate results.

AFFORDABLE HOMES

Some Saudis, however, are skeptical. Western media have reported extravagant purchases by the crown prince, including a $300 million French chateau and a $500 million yacht.

In response to a question about these reports in an interview with U.S. network CBS in March, Prince Mohammed said his personal life was “something I’d like to keep to myself” but that he was a rich man who also made donations to charity.

The first contracts awarded for the NEOM business zone mega-project in the northwest of the country were for five palaces for the royal family.

Some critics say the pace of reform is too fast. They cite cuts to a generous subsidy system and the introduction of value-added tax early this year, moves that have hit some Saudis hard and eaten away at savings.

Compounding problems, the population has grown. It reached 32.55 million in 2017, a rise of 44 percent from 2004, and Riyadh’s boundaries are growing rapidly.

The housing minister says there are plans to build 1 million houses in five years with an investment of over $100 billion, mainly through public-private partnerships. Deals have been signed with South Korean and Chinese firms and U.S. companies have expressed interest.

“Real estate is the mirror of the economy. You cannot build homes if people cannot afford to buy them,” said Abdullah al-Sudairy, chief executive of mortgage finance company Amlak International. “Affordable housing means cost is five to six times annual income… We are not there yet.”

Newly constructed private villas are seen near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

The ministry wants 60 percent of Saudis to own homes by 2020. It is working with local banks to facilitate financing and help developers increase the supply of affordable units by reducing red tape.

WAITING LIST

Some 500,000 Saudis are on a waiting list for the Saudi Real Estate Development Fund (REDF), an arm of the housing ministry which offers Saudis interest-free loans to buy state-backed houses which cost around 650,000 riyals. This can be paid in long-term monthly installments of up to 2,500 riyals each.

Khalid al-Amoudi, REDF general supervisor, said most could have access to finance in the next three years.

Ghamdi has been on the waiting list since 2011 and relief is nowhere in sight.

He has asked his wife to look for a job. But the last offer she received at a food factory offered only 3,500 riyals a month, most of which would have been used to put her infant daughter in nursery and for transportation costs.

Ghamdi is worried about taking out a new bank loan because of fears the government may make further cuts in state spending.

Salman al-Shedoukhi, a 30-year-old engineer with a monthly income of 15,000 riyals, also wonders if he will ever receive a government-backed house.

“To get bank financing for an average 900,000-riyal home, you will end up paying double this amount. It means I would spend 20 years using half my salary to pay off the loan,” he said.

To save money, he has moved into his father’s house with his wife and two daughters. But he is still burdened by a loan taken out four years ago to get married.

NO ROOM FOR ERROR

Members of the Shura Council, a government advisory body, have criticized the housing ministry for slow progress in solving the problem and fulfilling citizens’ aspirations, questioning the number of land plots handed over.

“The housing ministry’s biggest achievement is chaining the citizens with a big loan from commercial banks and a bigger monthly installment,” Abu Yazid Al Huwaiti, a Saudi citizen, wrote in a Twitter post in April.

Some housing officials have been replaced in recent years for failing to tackle the affordability issue.

There is no room for error as Prince Mohammed is counting on people like Ghamdi to support his reforms.

“Will they achieve 100 percent of the very ambitious goals they have set for themselves? Probably not,” said David Dew, who is managing director of SABB bank and monitors housing and unemployment.

“But will they make serious progress? Absolutely yes, they have to and they will.”

(For graphic on Saudi Arabia’s economy, click: tmsnrt.rs/2sjRrVK)

Reporting by Marwa Rashad; Additional reporting by Stephen Kalin; Editing by Michael Georgy, Ghaida Ghantous and Timothy Heritage

The post Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince appeared first on World The News.

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[party-hard-or-die]

Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince

RIYADH (Reuters) – Saudi Arabia’s crown prince wants to build a mega-city with the latest robotics under his grand plan to reform the kingdom.

A for-sale banner is placed on a private villa under construction, near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

Civil servant Amer al-Ghamdi has a simpler dream: to buy an affordable home.

Whether Ghamdi and some 1.2 million Saudis in a similar financial position manage to do so will be vital if Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman is to convince his people that the reform plan will benefit not just the super-rich.

Ghamdi, 35, spends most of his $2,670 monthly wage paying back loans he took to get married and buy a car. He and his wife, Hanan, now have three children and struggle to save money.

Buying a home is out of the question. A 250-square meter (2,691 square feet) house in Saudi cities costs from 700,000 to 850,000 riyals ($186,000 to $226,000), said Ibrahim Albuloushi, head of U.S. property consultant Jones Lang LaSalle in Saudi Arabia.

That is up to 10 times the annual salary for a low-income family in the Gulf Arab state.

“I tried to look for one of my relatives in Saudi to pay off my debts and give me a down payment to apply for a house at one of the commercial banks, but the interest will be very high and I am already paying a lot,” said Ghamdi, who lives in the capital Riyadh.

Saudi Arabia, the world’s top oil exporter, was once awash in petrodollars. This helped it provide a cradle-to-grave welfare system for its citizens with almost no taxation.

But a slump in oil prices has made fiscal discipline and diversification away from oil vital. Prince Mohammed’s Vision 2030 plan sets out to modernize the economy and reform the deeply conservative country, the birthplace of Islam.

The young prince, 32, has moved forcefully and rapidly where earlier leaders moved gradually and achieved moderate results.

AFFORDABLE HOMES

Some Saudis, however, are skeptical. Western media have reported extravagant purchases by the crown prince, including a $300 million French chateau and a $500 million yacht.

In response to a question about these reports in an interview with U.S. network CBS in March, Prince Mohammed said his personal life was “something I’d like to keep to myself” but that he was a rich man who also made donations to charity.

The first contracts awarded for the NEOM business zone mega-project in the northwest of the country were for five palaces for the royal family.

Some critics say the pace of reform is too fast. They cite cuts to a generous subsidy system and the introduction of value-added tax early this year, moves that have hit some Saudis hard and eaten away at savings.

Compounding problems, the population has grown. It reached 32.55 million in 2017, a rise of 44 percent from 2004, and Riyadh’s boundaries are growing rapidly.

The housing minister says there are plans to build 1 million houses in five years with an investment of over $100 billion, mainly through public-private partnerships. Deals have been signed with South Korean and Chinese firms and U.S. companies have expressed interest.

“Real estate is the mirror of the economy. You cannot build homes if people cannot afford to buy them,” said Abdullah al-Sudairy, chief executive of mortgage finance company Amlak International. “Affordable housing means cost is five to six times annual income… We are not there yet.”

Newly constructed private villas are seen near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, May 29, 2018. Picture taken May 29, 2018. REUTERS/Faisal Al Nasser

The ministry wants 60 percent of Saudis to own homes by 2020. It is working with local banks to facilitate financing and help developers increase the supply of affordable units by reducing red tape.

WAITING LIST

Some 500,000 Saudis are on a waiting list for the Saudi Real Estate Development Fund (REDF), an arm of the housing ministry which offers Saudis interest-free loans to buy state-backed houses which cost around 650,000 riyals. This can be paid in long-term monthly installments of up to 2,500 riyals each.

Khalid al-Amoudi, REDF general supervisor, said most could have access to finance in the next three years.

Ghamdi has been on the waiting list since 2011 and relief is nowhere in sight.

He has asked his wife to look for a job. But the last offer she received at a food factory offered only 3,500 riyals a month, most of which would have been used to put her infant daughter in nursery and for transportation costs.

Ghamdi is worried about taking out a new bank loan because of fears the government may make further cuts in state spending.

Salman al-Shedoukhi, a 30-year-old engineer with a monthly income of 15,000 riyals, also wonders if he will ever receive a government-backed house.

“To get bank financing for an average 900,000-riyal home, you will end up paying double this amount. It means I would spend 20 years using half my salary to pay off the loan,” he said.

To save money, he has moved into his father’s house with his wife and two daughters. But he is still burdened by a loan taken out four years ago to get married.

NO ROOM FOR ERROR

Members of the Shura Council, a government advisory body, have criticized the housing ministry for slow progress in solving the problem and fulfilling citizens’ aspirations, questioning the number of land plots handed over.

“The housing ministry’s biggest achievement is chaining the citizens with a big loan from commercial banks and a bigger monthly installment,” Abu Yazid Al Huwaiti, a Saudi citizen, wrote in a Twitter post in April.

Some housing officials have been replaced in recent years for failing to tackle the affordability issue.

There is no room for error as Prince Mohammed is counting on people like Ghamdi to support his reforms.

“Will they achieve 100 percent of the very ambitious goals they have set for themselves? Probably not,” said David Dew, who is managing director of SABB bank and monitors housing and unemployment.

“But will they make serious progress? Absolutely yes, they have to and they will.”

(For graphic on Saudi Arabia’s economy, click: tmsnrt.rs/2sjRrVK)

Reporting by Marwa Rashad; Additional reporting by Stephen Kalin; Editing by Michael Georgy, Ghaida Ghantous and Timothy Heritage

The post Saudi housing crisis tests Crown Prince appeared first on World The News.

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