#a long rant

[tartarduck]

words about tot chapter 9

Gave myself a solid day to stew in my thoughts about ch9 and I just want to say that mihoyo is EVIL for timing it right before the anniversary. I don't know if I can be happy knowing Luke is suffering all alone in every conceivable universe other than his personal story/card timeline.

Point 1: How the chapter explored Luke's feelings of guilt for... Existing I guess?

I've been eagerly awaiting the reveal of Luke's survivor's guilt. The whole [wanting spirits to exist so he can at least apologise, or do SOMETHING, but knowing they don't] is such exquisite angst. I'm very happy they took the effort to write it in (though fortune tellers actually scare me in real life).

And now onto the related Point 2: Luke's feelings of guilt for literally everything else

I was reading through Luke's birthday greetings, and realised how often he calls himself greedy for literally wanting anything. God damn, SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IT'S NOT GREEDY OF YOU TO WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HER --

That aside, it comes back to the theme of Luke Pearce's thought process, which in my brain goes a little something like this:

Good thing happens -> I do not deserve this

Bad thing happens -> It is completely my fault and no one else's

Which, might I add, vaguely reminded me of something from a lecture I forgot from my psych undergrad years. I'm worried for you, Luke. Please, Dr Yishmir, refer him to one of your colleagues for mental health.

In his personal 'route', he finally starts to come around with the idea that sometimes bad things... just happen and it's no one's fault (thank you, strategically placed rainbow in iridescent heartbeat). But in the main story? He's been feeling guilty ever since he saw MC after avoiding her for YEARS. There's no Aaron meddling with the two of them, or MC helping him clean his mess of a house to kick-start a card story. This is the man who hid in the attic after sending his confession after a YEAR of dates with MC -- the main story doesn't even give him a chance to start forgiving himself.

Basically, Luke Pearce is a mess in the main story, because everything that makes him un-messy happens by pure chance.

Point 3: Luke's black and white thinking of good and bad

One of the highlights of this chapter for me was Luke's anecdote about him faking a cold so MC would go out with her other friends and forget about him. Now, that's all well and good until he compares himself to the mum with Munchausen's syndrome, who is the closest thing we get to a 'villain' in this chapter. On top of his guilt, this whole I'm either a good or completely bad person mindset is really not doing favours for his mental health.

His anecdote also happens to be an interesting parallel to shape of you, because I remember Luke specifically wished to be forgotten in that card. He wants what's best for MC (because he thinks that he's taking everyone's love from her) but he also wants something for himself. And because he doesn't believe he's able to do both, but also because he isn't able to let go of his 'selfishness' sometimes, he thinks he's an awful person.

And now, to the last to do in my rant agenda.

Point 4: what happens in chapter 12. (Spoilers for CN server, but only about the Luke scene)

1. Ohmygod. He's going to run away. I can't see main story Luke NOT blaming himself for nearly hurting the MC. In whichever timeline, his priority is to keep her safe, and god, if he thinks he's a danger to her, the only way to keep her safe would be by disappearing again.

2. I'm going to read too much into this but MC trying to get Luke to recognise her while she's being pinned to the ground is such delectable angst. He's always worried that she'd forget about him -- whether it was the 8 years or literally just hanging out with other kids at school. But here she is, in a situation where he's essentially forgotten about her. The voice that my brain concocted up for MC was extra desperate in that scene.

Anyway, that's all I had to say about the recent main story developments in ToT. Keep the angst coming, writing staff. What a power move to send this out right before anniversary on BOTH servers. If there's anything I've taken away from this, it's that Luke stans are absolutely unhinged. Twitter circle people, I see you requesting more angst. How can we get even angstier than Luke nearly hurting MC while he's dressed in the outfit that he wears for his proposal card ??

[delta-chan]

The Trouble With Sphene

A rambling critique. Dawntrail has plenty of problems that I've already talked about--such as its pacing--but this is perhaps one of the glaring and most infuriating in my opinion. More under the cut, as per usual.

Before I begin, let me get this out of the way: if you're gearing up to say something to the effect of "you just don't like complex female characters" I'm going to need you to take several seats. Because that Sphene isn't complex is exactly the issue here.

Sphene is, to quote miss Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. Nothing is wrong with her. She's kind, loving, fair, and wants nothing more than the happiness of her people. She doesn't have a single true detractor and everyone under her rule genuine fawns over her to an absurd degree. The absolute level of love and devotion she has from her people almost borders on parody--it's like she's a waylaid Disney princess and ought to be spending most of her time singing cheerful little tunes to songbirds at a castle windowsill.

When we meet Sphene, they take advantage of this impression in the tense, dark situation to play upon our natural suspicions. Surely, she can't actually be this good...? The praise for her is laid on so thick that we almost have no choice but to believe there's something unsavory about her--but there isn't. At every turn she's immediately proven to be genuinely beloved for good reasons.

"Is that a crime?" No. It isn't--but it doesn't make a complex character, nor does it make her interesting. For her to be so intensely perfect and beloved is, again, absurd, and renders her flat. There is nothing behind her--she was perfect and universally beloved in life, and she is perfect and universally beloved as an endless.

I saw someone post once that Sphene's pain is inspiring--that she's carried the burden of understanding what death truly is for her people while protecting them from suffering, carrying the burden of Alexandria's sins all on her own. This inference does not make her better. It makes her worse--painting her a messianic figure, christlike in character. It serves to make her even more flat, a glowing font of unending grace and kindness so blinding in its perfection that there is nothing there but an oppressive, featureless bloom.

When her goals and position as an antagonist are revealed, the situation becomes quite curious. Typically this would be the source of some fatal negative flaw. Sphene's flaw is that she simply loves her people too much.

But her villainy also isn't her fault.

The fact that Sphene is so incredibly loving and good and kind was taken advantage of by the real bad guys at preservation--Sphene herself is a poor put-upon innocent who rules her people eternally with the same perfect service she did when she was still alive. She wouldn't have done any of these things herself, you see. Her programming made her do it, and she needs you to stop her. You're her friends, after all, and she trusts you--because Sphene is good and loving and friendly and would never hurt someone under her own power if she could help it.

This is absolutely baffling to me. I have a feeling that the team was trying to cover their asses on numerous fronts while at the same time desperately grasping at the same sort of iconic "tragic villain" crown that Emet and Meteion wear. But for me this falls flat. How can Sphene be tragic if she has no tragic flaw? How can Sphene be tragic if she's so incredibly perfect that her only problem is that she loves too much? (But don't worry! Nothing is actually her fault. It's Zoraal Ja's fault. It's preservation's fault. But it's not her fault.)

She isn't bitter and judgmental like Emet. She isn't nervous and naive like Meteion. And she isn't an imperfect still bumbling mess still shedding the vestiges of her ignorance like her mirror, Wuk Lamat. She never was. And nothing was ever her fault.

Which brings me to a personal concern of mine.

Alexandria has colonized Tural. As "accidental" as this was, the country has still colonized Tural. (And the whole reflection, to be honest.) Alexandria is there with the intent of harvesting a natural resource for its own benefit. This does not sit well with me. This whole situation does not sit well with me, and Sphene is at the center.

Because, you see--Sphene is such a good person that she cares for the people of Yyasulani as if they were her own. They are, after all, for all intents and purposes citizens of Alexandria. She made farms for them since they want to continue "the old ways". She doesn't force the regulators on anyone. She visits the people and is fawned upon in kind because she's just that perfect. How could anyone complain...?

She offers Lamaty'i an out when it comes to her goal of harvesting life energy--"become citizens of Alexandria". We won't have to take from you if you're considered part of our nation, because the benefits of the harvest would be going to you as well. This is horrific--but this isn't Sphene's fault, of course, and she's only offering this as an effort to save the people of Tural.

It rubs me the wrong way in such an extreme way that it makes me irritated just thinking about it--was the hell kind of character is this...? At times it feels like they know that their Sad Pale Waif's villainy crosses into very uncomfortable territory, yet they still wanted to have a Sad Pale Waif--so they overcorrected. They made her perfect. She wants to do nothing but love and serve her people. She's so kind, just, and loving that she quickly wants to be Lamaty'i's friend and desires protect the people of Tural from her faulty programming.

It feels, to me, that they looked at this pale, dainty little thing and thought about the idea of her very European flavored kingdom taking out a chunk of Tural and threatening the world with taking their resources. (Such an extreme resource, to boot!) They looked at their need to have her there and thought "people will likely see her as reprehensible if we give her any character flaws. The implications will be awful.". So she has none. There's nothing wrong with her. And what's wrong with her is a result of her perfect love for her people being twisted by a greater villain.

The actions of Alexandria are extreme and carry very troublesome implications, very heavy implications that aren't visited the way they should have been because it's simply too fraught. This, I believe, is a big reason why Sphene isn't complex.

And that's exactly the issue here.

[catmask]

when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people

the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to

[emmeriex]

girls when they remember that sally named percy after the only greek hero with a happy ending and beryl named jason after a hero who died alone and unhappy to appease a wrathful goddess.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

[fnafs-ex-boyfriend]

People shipping aroace characters because “uuu there’s no angst if no ship uuu” well fuck that because remember the “what the fuck is wrong with me” angst. Remember the “oh fuck this person likes me but I don’t like them back” angst. The “should I pretend to date this person so as not to hurt their feelings” angst. The

[aashiqeddiediaz]

you know what boils my blood.

over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."

i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.

but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.

today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.

the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.

so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.

[186-3]

courting antisemitism

so i recently decided to take a look at the latest stonetoss comics (probably because i love suffering). and while i was expecting some content on the israel palestine conflict, what i did not expect was how... standard it seemed. well, most of it at least, but i'll get to that in a second.

for context, if you don't know what stonetoss is, it's a (poorly drawn) webcomic known for having radical alt-right views - meaning it's incredibly racist, homophobic, transphobic, islamophobic, antisemitic. all that fun stuff.

so while i was expecting to see bad stuff, one of the first things i saw on the topic of israel was this:

terrible art aside, this comic is making a point that i usually see in left wing circles: that israel is pinkwashing genocide.

curious if there was more like this, i kept looking, and the comic right before that one was this:

again, this makes points that i usually see in left wing circles. that american healthcare is crazy expensive, that canada tells poor people to commit suicide, and that israel is bombing hospitals.

why does stonetoss, this well known alt-right nutjob, now seem to be bringing up left-wing talking points?

curious, i kept going deeper:

well this is... odd. clearly, stonetoss is trying to say that israel is on another level of bad, even worse than russia, iran, and north korea. i can possibly see someone on the left making the argument that the russian invasion of ukraine isn't as bad as what israel is doing in gaza, or that at least north korea isn't invading any other countries, but... iran??? the country that has a police force designed to enforce religious law, and gets away with murdering women who do not properly cover their hair? the country that props up paramilitary groups in countries all over the middle east, including lebanon, yemen, and yes, palestine?? that's completely ridiculous

but, given how much more israel is in the news nowadays than any of these other countries, i could see why someone would buy this

and now, we're starting to get to the crux of what stonetoss is trying to do. when someone sees this, they might be inclined to agree with it. they might begin to think that israel is the worst country on the planet

and that might not seem so bad at first. but the more you hate israel, especially irrationally, the more you feel allowed to dehumanize those who support it. the more you might be willing to agree with this comic, which came out two days prior to the one above

this comic says that jews, as a whole have no desire to exist with other people. it is blatantly antisemitic

i'm sure you could imagine some young leftist who sees the comics above this one and thinks, "this guy makes some good points". and then, when they get to this one, they might realize that this is antisemitism

or, they may not.

and that would start them down the road to becoming an antisemite.

this is what stonetoss and other alt-right nutjobs are hoping to achieve. to take left wing fury at israel, and direct it at jews.

we saw it with those neo-nazis at the palestine rally, and we're seeing it again here.

and if you've found yourself agreeing with what stonetoss has said so far, i would like you to see the last comic stonetoss put out before october 7th:

this horrifically racist comic is in reference to an environmental activist who was murdered by a black man in early october. this blatantly racist garbage is the kind of stuff stonetoss usually puts out.

but as soon as october 7th happened? these were his next two comics:

stonetoss completely changed the comic's tone as soon as the current crisis started. why?

to get as many people as possible to get on board with hating jews.

and i know many of you might be thinking that "well, everyone knows that stonetoss is racist garbage. nobody is going to fall for this"

except, as we saw with the neo-nazis at the rally for palestine, it's not always that obvious who the antisemites are and who is just rallying for peace. they are often a lot better at disguising it than stonetoss is.

AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE AWARE OF THAT

EVERYONE, no matter HOW much experience you have, can fall victim to propoganda. EVERYONE needs to be aware of what people around them are saying, and able to pick out hateful rhetoric, because even the stuff that is just kind of toeing the line of what's hateful is still putting your foot in the door

be cautious, everyone. and stomp out hate where you see it.

[maikamaika-art]

He's so normal, guys. I promise. He's sooooo normal. Normalest guy ever. (Lying)

[bixels]

In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.

He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!

You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop –– which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities –– or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).

Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!

But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!

[leandrocrossard]

something really cool happened today that i wanted to share:

my nephew is 9 years old, and a stereotypical little boy. he likes dinosaurs, minecraft, and ninjas.

today i walked in on him excitedly watching Nimona with my dad. (minor spoiler warning!)

i had never heard of it, but i sat down and watched some of it, just to see why he was so happy.

he started narrating it, anticipating parts of it, almost as if he’d seen it before. he had.

we didn’t get to finish it, but i watched it on my own, because it looked fun and i wanted to see how it ended.

and i loved it. it was a fun, exciting, fantastical adventure about the importance of acceptance people who are different to us.

and it had a very clear queer subplot.

one that my nephew hadn’t mentioned at all in his explanation of the film. his summary was “it’s about a monster who helps a knight that was framed for killing the queen”.

and honestly yeah, that is what the film was about.

before sharing it with us, he had watched it all, engrossed himself in the story, took it in entirely, and the part he cared about most was whether Nimona got her acceptance. he wasn’t indoctrinated, or confused, or questioning anything about himself.

he didn’t bat an eyelid over a gay love confession. he just enjoyed the film, raved about it, made my 60 year old dad watch the movie about the monster who didn’t fit in.

he’s still the same little boy who’s been asking us how to get a girlfriend.

the only thing a movie centred around queer and queer-coded characters taught my nephew was that those who are different to him are not monsters. that’s it.

and that dragons are really cool.

[batbabydamian]

wondered when exactly Damian started casually chatting with his hallucinations of Alfred in Robin (2021)

figured isolating himself in a dark tower carrying pictures of Alfred and the weight of his death would do the trick! (Detective Comics (2016) #1032)

[official-lucifers-child]

it’s so indicative of some peoples’ views of disabled people (and disabilities in general) that they’ll think their PETS are faking a disability. i just saw a video (tiktok of course) where the creator said “every time i start to think my cat is faking his blindness, he does something like this” and the video was of a cat trying to get down from a low shelf. he was unable to reach out and feel the floor with his paws, so was extraordinarily hesitant to jump down. and i had a moment of “aw poor kitty” and immediately followed by the thought: “why the fuck would anyone think a CAT was faking BLINDNESS?”

it’s completely nonsensical, right? how could a cat fake any disability? the vets diagnosed the cat with blindness for a reason. and why? why would a cat fake blindness? for what purpose would a CAT have to fake blindness? it’s a cat. IT IS A LITERAL CAT.

and then i realised that the creator of the video was projecting their beliefs regarding disabled humans onto their cat. clearly, they must believe that at least some disabled people are “faking it” and therefore their cat must be “faking it” too. i can only imagine that the cat has adapted to his blindness and is able to navigate well enough that it can appear as though the cat can see, similarly to how blind people learn their house/workplace/etc so well that they can navigate without the aid of a cane or other assistance.

and obviously that means that the cat (and, therefore, disabled people) must be faking it.

[the--last-great-american-dynasty]

currently thinking about how easily charles said “well that sounds a lot like you, doesn’t it? wait, maybe that’s why i like her so much” and somehow neither of them registered the implications of that statement because that’s a fucking crazy thing to say to your best mate in regards to a girl you fancy

[cloudabserk]

the sexism in naruto is actually so crazy and all encompassing. every female character is defined by her relationship to men. the majority are boy-crazy. and it’s constantly remarked upon how weak they are when compared to their male teammates.

not only that but the main male characters actively dislike the women they’ve been paired off with. shikamaru is into temari but his infinite dream is not having to marry her. sai ends up with ino despite finding her ugly. naruto thinks hinata is weird and boring. sasuke’s dislike of sakura is infamous.

adult men’s interest in women is seen as comical and alien. (reactions to the sexy jutsu, jiraiya harassing women). almost all of the adult men are perpetual bachelors or sex perverts (and those who aren’t are stand ins for “mom and dad”).

when boys actually do like girls, it’s to show goofy immaturity and innocence (naruto’s crush on sakura that he grows out of as he reaches maturity, lee’s crush which is dropped entirely, obitos crush on rin which lasts into adulthood just to show he isn’t entirely separate from the boy he once was)

the whole ninja society likes to imagine it is a mostly gender blind world where women can thrive but this is SO obviously untrue. women are almost always healers and support. women make up less than 1/3 of the ninjas even at genin level. girls are almost all desperate to become wives and earn the attention of boys who don’t even like them!

mikoto uchiha was a jonin and presumably directly descended from the uchiha line (based on characters commenting that she/sasuke look just like izuna uchiha), but we only ever see her retired and raising her sons while her husband gets to be clan leader. (why?? if he married into the main family and she is an extremely capable ninja??)

similarly kushina uzumaki is borderline royalty and a jinchuriki, but her husband is hokage. once again the mother carries on the burden of power (for her sons to inherit) but the father has the title and status.

even the backstory of ninja enforces this. kaguya literally ate the forbidden fruit, giving the gift of chakra to all of humanity but also dooming them to fight for eternity. literally womens original sin …

anyway it’s not that all this sexist shit is in the story. it’s that kishimoto seemingly has no idea it’s there and believes the women he writes have epic girl power. how do you even do this by accident. why does every boy hate their wife. why did kaguya commit the original sin ! the girl characters want so badly to be with a boy but they don’t even care that the boy doesn’t like them back!! sakura and hinata are in loveless marriages of obligation and THEY DONT EVEN CARE??? they’re into it??? does kishimoto think men are universally forced to marry women they don’t like? does he blame women for this?WHY IS THE ORIGINAL SIN DRIVING THE BUS ALL THE SUDDEN?

[euniexenoblade]

I think it's crazy how so many transfems have similar stories about tme people ignoring their distaste for Rocky Horror and I think it's wild how so many of us have trauma related to that movie caused by the people we saw as friends.

I think it's interesting that anytime transfems try to criticize the movie for transmisogynistic tropes, loads of tme people become combative, insulting, rude, they do not want us to critically analyze it, they do not want us to talk about it. I think it's equally interesting that if we then try to discuss the transphobia of Richard O'Brien, the creator, we are met with equal amounts of disdain. He has said trans women are not women, he has defended JK Rowling, but people will plug their ears about it. "He's nonbinary he can't be transphobic!" Or, transfems will just talk about the trauma of the movie, trauma related to the movie, there are so many joke posts about trans women getting forced to watch it by their tme "friends" and those are responded to with disdain and vitriol.

I have tried to rewatch the movie multiple times in the last decade, each time puts my brain back in that place where a cis woman friend who constantly talked about wanting me to be one of these characters for Halloween, betrayed my trust and put me in massive amounts of danger. When I watch it my brain goes back to the time I logged into Facebook to have some transphobe I don't know calling me FrankNFurter.

And it makes me wildly uncomfortable. These events in my life have just put a different sheen on the movie that makes it look so gross. And knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way about it so relieving, this movie held up as important LGBT cinema feels dehumanizing for me, and there's so many others that feel the same. But anytime we talk about it we are met with such contempt.

This isn't like, a coherent thing, it's just a personal rant. It feels so weird how tme people at large seem to walk over transfems over a movie. Which yeah yeah transmisogyny is a thing, but transfems not liking a movie seems so inconsequential. Why must we deal with the trauma of our so called friends not respecting our comfort, just to turn around years later and be ridiculed for having that trauma? It's just a fucking movie. And it has literally all the "man in dress bad" tropes we criticize other movies for. Why defend this movie to the death? It's just so annoying.