#a little sad. and truth be told I want people to recognise that I’m not being melodramatic when I explain how I feel. like maybe my emotion

[tristinian]

“There’s light at the end of the tunnel” yeah well there’s a snake pit between me and the light at then end of the tunnel so I’m allowed to be a little doom and gloom about it

[hufflepuff-16]

You're a cutie ☆ミ

Harry Potter x gn reader (〝⌒∇⌒〝)

Warnings: just a tiny big of angst mostly cute fluff

Summary: Reader is feeling a bit sad, so Harry tries to cheer her up (friends to lovers fic).

Link to my previous James Potter fanfic

You arrive at Diagon Alley for your yearly shopping trip, but instead of feeling happy, you feel rather lonely and melancholy, it had been a year since the battle of hogwarts so after having visited half the shops, you decide to go to the Leaky Cauldron, hoping the warmth of the pub will make you feel better. When you enter, your mood lifts immediately. The bar is crowded, and the atmosphere is cosy. You find a booth in the back, and as you look up, you notice a familiar face walking in, who grins when you smile and wave him over to sit with you.

"Hi Harry," you say loudly

Harry waves at you and slides into the booth, grabbing a pitcher of Butterbeer as he does so.

“You look a little down. What’s the matter? Everything alright?” He says with a sympathetic smile.

Oh, Harry is so sweet, you thought. He was always looking out for others.

"Ah... you know, feeling a bit tired," you say truthfully.

Harry’s eyes soften upon hearing you say that. He reaches out an arm and rests a hand on your shoulder.

“Anything I can do to help? I may not be the wisest fella, but I’ve been told I am rather good at cheering people up.” He offers you a comforting smile, which somehow warms you from the inside out.

"You’re cute Harry you know that," You say teasingly.

Harry feels himself blushing at the compliment, and then grins at you.

“Well, thanks? I’d like to think that I have my charm moments,” he says in a playful tone.

He then smiles at you, “but honestly? I think you’re the cute one.”

You roll your eyes playfully at his comment, "What brings you here, Harry?"

“I could do with a chat and a good butterbeer,” Harry says and smiles warmly at you. He also happens to think you look really great tonight and is very tempted to say so, but decides against it for now.

“What are you doing in Diagon Alley, if you don’t mind me asking. I don’t really recognise this as your usual hangout place.”

"Oh, I'm just doing my yearly school shop."

Harry nods along and makes a little “Mm-hm” sound.

“Did you manage to get all the supplies you need?” He asks with a curious expression. “Not like a certain someone who’s a chronic procrastinator who would rather goof off than get his supply list finished…” He says with a joking smirk and nudging your shoulder with his.

"Yup, I've got everything, Mr Procrastinator ," You tease.

Harry laughs lightly. “I was talking about myself, you know,” he says with a smile, “but you knew that.” He says with a grin and nudges your shoulder once more. “I’m glad to hear you managed to get everything you need, though. I wouldn’t want you to be underprepared the day for the school year starts.”

He tilts his head at you, “So… how are you liking your holiday so far?” He asks, wanting to know how your time off from Hogwarts has been treating you.

"Actually to tell you the truth it's been quite hard, I'm just scared for them to end because then we would be back at hogwarts and.....you know.....that's where the battle happened and I'm worried I'll just see the bodies of our loved ones, and death eaters!" You give a shudder.

Harry looks worried and reaches to grab your hand to offer you comfort as you speak.

“I… I completely understand,” he says quietly and then sighs a little bit.

“Unfortunately I can’t exactly promise you nothing bad will happen. Death Eaters are ruthless, and I can’t make any guarantees. However…” he gives you a soft smile, “I can promise we’ll be there for each other. We’re in this together.”

He squeezes your hand a little.

“You have my word. And you have me.”

You give him a smile, "Thanks, Harry, you are a good person, you know."

Harry blushes at your kind words.

“Well… I try to be,” he says as he smiles at you. He then clears his throat and attempts to shift the conversation into a slightly lighter tone.

“So if you could do anything you wanted right now, what would you do?” He asks playfully. “You can ask for the moon and stars. The sky is the limit. It’s your wish, whatever it is.” He says with a grin.

You think for a moment and then decide what you wish for.

"I think I'd like to be in my house with some hot chocolate and a blanket, maybe watch a movie."

Harry nods. “Sounds perfect. What movie would you like to watch?” He asks curiously.

“And you can have all the hot chocolate you’d like. I’ll whip you up a batch.” He adds with a warm smile.

You blush, did he truly mean that?

"You want to go home with me and do that?" You ask, blushing.

Harry blushes and looks at you for a moment. “I…” he trails off for a second, blushing even more as his eyes look you up and down, taking you in.

“Yeah, I think I would.” He smiles back at you. “It would be nice.”

You smile at him, feeling a little bit shy, "Ok, let's go to my house, I'll apparate us there."

“Alright, lead the way,” Harry says with a warm smile and stands up to follow after you.

He pauses for a second before asking quietly, “Would it be okay if I held your hand?” He asks sincerely. “I just want to know what you're comfortable with.”

you love how sensitive Harry is with what you are comfortable with, "of course, cutie!"

Harry smiles at you and blushes at that adorable nickname you gave him.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, and as he holds your hand, he feels this sense of rightness within him, and the realization that you and him have a connection that goes deeper than just friends. That this is something special.

He laces his fingers with yours as he walks along with you. “So have you got any cute roommates I should know about?” He asks with a teasing twinkle in his eyes.

"You'll see," you laugh, apparating yourselves into your home.

Your home is amazing. It’s the definition of cosy. Just like you described, there’s a blanket on the couch and hot chocolate steaming away on the kitchen counter. It really is the perfect place to relax and watch a movie.

“This is nice,” Harry says with a content sigh and then takes a seat on the couch, putting his arm around you in an affectionate motion. “I’m really glad you brought me here.” He smiles kindly at you.

you give a small smile and plop right down next to him on the couch, waiting for him to choose a movie to watch, when your cat comes to see who is sitting on their favourite napping place

"Harry, meet my cute roommate flutter," you tease gesturing towards the fluffy cat.

Harry smiles and picks up your cat, giving it a few scritches and pats.

“Hello, Flutter,” he says in a soft and gentle voice. “Very cute roommates you’ve got!” He says as he giggles and sets his kitty friend down next to you at the end of the couch.

Harry looks through the collection of DVDs at your coffee table and ends up picking out a movie called “The Breakfast Club.”

“Do you want to watch this? I quite liked it when I was younger.”

"Sure!" Leaning your head against his shoulder, getting yourself into a comfy position on the lumpy couch.

Harry blushes a little more at the way you melt into his body, and smiles softly as he feels you pull closer.

“Are you comfortable?” He asks you and looks down at you with a look of pure concern and caringness. “If you want the remote, I can grab it for you.” He offers as the title menu starts loading.

"No, cutie, I'm perfectly content," you say.

Harry’s cheeks keep growing red as he hears that adorable nickname again, but the heat he feels in his face is completely justified now and comes from something more than just being warm. It’s from pure affection and fondness.

“That’s good,” he says quietly, and kisses you on the cheek as the movie starts playing. His lips softly press against your skin, and his touch is light, careful, but there’s a little bit of pressure too, enough for you to know that he means it, and that this is no casual peck.

"Harry...... can I ask you?" Something you aren't sure if the question is appropriate or if your anxiety is acting up.

Harry looks at you with an expression of concern, and then nods at you.

“Of course you can, anything,” he says, and his tone is empathetic and compassionate. “What’s on your mind?” He asks earnestly, and his expression is warm, inviting, and soft. It makes you want to tell him anything you want to get off your chest when you look at him because you just know that he would handle your feelings responsibly and carefully.

"Are you still seeing Ginny?" You really hoped he wasn't because she had been harbouring a crush on him forever, and now has he been showing you some affectionate signs.

Harry looks at you, and it’s as if the rest of the world just falls away when you look into his eyes. They’re warm, kind and thoughtful, and the moment you see them, your heart skips a beat and you feel that familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach, the one that’s just for him.

It’s like you’re in your own little world with him. No one else exists.

He takes a moment to collect his thoughts and consider what you asked.

“No,” he says quietly, “I’m not seeing Ginny.”

"Oh....." relief floods through you.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Harry says with a gentle smile at you. “I like you, you know that. And nobody else is going to steal my attention or affections.” He says with absolute sincerity and truthfulness. He leans in to kiss you lightly on the forehead.

“You’re my main priority.” He says as he pulls back after the kiss, looking down at you with an adoring and fond expression.

"Harry Potter, you make me the happiest person in the world!" You say genuinely.

Harry sighs softly and smiles at you.

“You make me the happiest person in the world, y’know?” He says while nodding, “so it’s only fitting that the feeling is mutual,” he adds, his tone soft and tender.

There’s something about you that just… makes him want to shower you with all the love he has in him. It’s that deep sense of being special to one another that he’s never felt before.

"I'd like to start seeing you when we go back to school, Harry." You say wanting to have something more with Harry.

Harry’s eyes light up and he nods. “That’s… definitely something I’d like as well,” he says with a warm and genuine smile on his face.

“You’re an amazing person. I feel like we have something very special here and… honestly, I’d like to see where this goes.” He says softly, placing a hand on your cheek and looking into your eyes. His gentle touch sends a thrill of excitement throughout your heart and makes you feel giddy with happiness.

You smile, pressing a soft peck to his lips.

Harry blushes and his heart skips a beat at your kiss. It’s the perfect blend of cute and flirty.

“Mmm…” he mumbles softly and blushes even more. “That felt really nice, y’know?”

He leans in and kisses you again, this time just a little bit more deeply than last time. For the first time, a trace of his tongue moves to meet yours, slowly, with no rush or pressure to the moment. As you pull back, you see Harry’s face is all glowing red still, and his expression is one of pure joy.

"I love you, Harry," you say your heart had never been this full of happiness before.

Harry’s lips part as you say that in a breath of surprise. His eyes are wide as he looks at you, and for a moment, he just stares in disbelief.

“I…I-I…” he stammers out, his voice breaking as his chest flutters with an overwhelming sense of emotions. “I love you too!” He says in a soft whisper, and tears stream down his cheeks as he realizes just how much that statement means to him. He leans in to pull you in for an all-consuming kiss.

The End

[ladycatofwinterfell]

If given the choice, part 3

Summary: One day a strange woman comes to his castle and brings him the promise of a choice. Ned can get his brother and sister back if he so chooses, but of course there is a price

Are you happy now? New chapter of everyone’s favourite fic. If you’re not happy I will be sad so please reblog or send an ask and tell me something nice

Lyanna had left him after a while only to return some minutes later with a book. She had left it with him, told him to read it. He had opened it, turned the pages, but he hadn’t read a word. It was simply impossible. He was not much of a reader even in the safety of his own reality. He rarely read to the children, only told them stories. Though he read to Catelyn every now and then, she claimed it calmed her. Did Brandon read to her? She seemed happy with him, she slept with her head on his chest. He had always been very much aware of that she should have been Brandon’s wife, she had been meant for him. Though seeing it with his own eyes was strange. There was a difference between knowing and seeing.

He spent a large portion of the day standing in the window and looking down at the courtyard below. He saw all of them passing through. Lyanna, Brandon, Catelyn and the two children. He saw the people of Winterfell. Some he recognised with warmth, others were strangers. What had happened in Winterfell? What had happened in the whole of Westeros? How had he lived a whole life he knew nothing of?

“Father.”

He didn’t turn away from the window where he stood. Sansa’s soft calling was his own imagination. That or a part of his curse. Living with the dead in a world where his living children were gone.

As the sun disappeared behind the castle walls he suspected it would soon be time for supper. He was still not hungry despite that he hadn’t eaten anything all day. And he didn’t feel tired. His body was not his own, it felt borrowed. He wanted to crawl out of his skin.

He had caught sight of himself in the looking glass standing in the corner of the room. His hair and beard weren’t as grey, his face had fewer lines. He looked younger. He had lived an easier life. He almost envied himself for it. He would have been happy with his sister and brother alive had it not been for that he knew his other truth. He wished he could have been happy, he wanted to be happy. How could he be unhappy when Brandon and Lyanna lived?

A knock on his door came, but it opened before he could call for whoever it was to enter.

“Are you not having supper?”

It was hard to look at Brandon. It hurt to look at Brandon. And yet Ned couldn’t keep himself from studying his brother’s face. When he had thought of Brandon he had always pictured him as he was when he died, young. Yet the Brandon that stood before him had escaped that fate, he had been allowed to age. He was more similar to Ned than he had been when they were young. It was as if they had grown into faces that were truly brothers.

“I’m not hungry.”

Brandon sighed.

“Lya wanted me to say that there’s little chance of you not being hungry when you have barely eaten today.”

“Are you running our sister’s errands?”

Brandon snorted at that sentiment.

“My children’s actually, they wondered where their uncle were. They see you so rarely.”

“I wish I could return to Winterfell more often but His Grace keeps me down south.”

He said it and shrugged, waited for Brandon to respond to that. And only then it dawned on him that he hadn’t thought about what to say. It was as if he had just known. How had he known that? But when he considered it he did know. He knew Robert was always quick to anger when he said he was to leave the capital. How strange.

“Well, we all answer to the king first” Brandon said. “I suppose I should be proud we have a Stark in service so close to the king.”

“It is an honour” Ned agreed.

“A shame it keeps you down south.”

“Indeed.”

“You have been resting in here all day, share a meal with us.”

His solitude had brought him nothing but meaningless reflection. It had not helped. It had gotten him nowhere closer to home. He was not hungry, he didn’t want to see them. He didn’t want to think more about them, he wanted his mind to be cleared of everything. Perhaps he should have gone to sleep when he had the opportunity.

“If not then I command you as Lord of Winterfell and head of House Stark” Brandon continued, a smile appearing on his face.

His smile was the same as it had been all those years ago.

“Who am I to refuse that?”

It was a comfort to not resist, to go along with what the others told him. What Brandon and his children wanted. He could follow their words, just for a bit. It would hurt, he knew it would hurt, though at least it would be a rest of some sorts. How sweet would that not be?

So he left the room, followed Brandon to the Great Hall. Brandon began speaking of his daughter, how fine of a rider she was. Ned could not keep himself focused enough to listen. Lyarra seemed to be much like his own daughter, yet older. They looked similar, carried the Stark appearance. Though Lyarra had Brandon’s face, his youngest daughter had his own.

“I know you have little need of children considering your role in life, but do you not find it cruel to leave your wife without them?”

Brandon’s question couldn’t have come from nowhere, he must have began talking about children in general but Ned had not heard him. His immediate instinct was to bite back with that he did have children, double and more what Brandon had, but quickly remembered to hold his tongue. Brandon said he had no children so he had no children.

“We are not yet too old” he said instead, somewhat offended for a reason he could not name.

“You have been wed to her for ten years, Ned, are you childless now it is either because of a lack of trying or because she’s barren.”

“Do not speak so of my wife.”

The anger that flared in him at Brandon’s words was as irrational as his offence. A habit he carried with him from his home, most likely. There was little that angered him as much as mindless and stupid words about his lady.

He almost expected Brandon to laugh and taunt him, make a jape of it all. So the surprise when he looked at him with actual remorse was complete.

“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You needn’t worry about it.”

No one needed worry but Ned. And there was no lack of worry on his mind. As he spoke to Brandon he feared all that worry would make his heart stop beating, but at the same time it was so easy. As if no time had passed at all, as if he saw his brother every day. It was all so cruel.

“Next time you visit you should bring your wife, as well.”

“She has a duty to the queen as I have a duty to the king.”

Catelyn had told him before that Barbrey was a lady-in-waiting to the queen, that was not a guess nor something he knew himself.

“If you are excused from your seat on the council I’m sure she can be excused from gossiping and drinking wine for some time.”

Master of law, he felt when Brandon said it. That he had a seat at the small council was news to him and still a position as master of law felt familiar. That was in no way familiar, why did he feel so strongly for it? His mind was playing tricks on him in desperate attempts to survive it all.

“She prefers the comfort of court” Ned told him.

He had told Catelyn the same thing. It was easier to just repeat it than to come up with something new. He knew it was at least plausible.

“She is a northerner, the same as the rest of us” Brandon snorted. “If Catelyn survives up here I’m sure she can visit us.”

“Perhaps you should say that to her and not to me” Ned suggested.

“Perhaps I should.”

He wondered if Brandon had an affair with his wife or if he simply took offence because of someone choosing not to visit Winterfell. He had heard Brandon had been very fond of Barbrey in his own Winterfell before he died, though if there was truth to it he had little idea about. He knew even less about what truth there could be to it in a world where Brandon lived and was wed to Catelyn.

“Good evening, Uncle!”

The boy greeted him cheerfully when he walked towards them together with Brandon.

“Good evening, Jonnel” he responded.

“Are you feeling better?” Lyanna asked before he could sit.

Her face wasn’t worried, but it wasn’t happy either. She didn’t look at him with suspicion or with that spark that he believed only she could have. It was unnerving. But then what wasn’t unnerving about everyone knowing him but him knowing no one. Including himself.

“Much” he simply said.

“Great! I was wondering if perhaps you would train at swords with me later?” Jonnel said.

There was a childish excitement in his voice that made Ned soften a bit. He did not know that boy and still he felt that of course he could sword train with him. If not for Jonnel then to let his own mind wander somewhere else.

“It’s long past darkness” Catelyn said, her voice rather stern. “If you are to force your uncle to train with you then it will have to happen on the morrow.”

“Mother–“ Jonnel began but his mother silenced him with only a look.

“Only fools go into battle in darkness, son” Brandon said. “Practice in the light before you attempt what many skilled men cannot.”

”I am skilled” Jonnel insisted.

”I don’t doubt it but I fear I cannot match you in that” Ned said.

It felt unfamiliar to smile and yet he did it. Jonnel was his nephew as it was. And though he wished he wasn’t, he wished he had never known Jonnel it felt right to give him a smile. Would he miss him once he returned to his own family?

”Why do you entertain my brother’s lunacy?” Lyarra asked.

”The same reason we all entertain yours” Lyanna quickly fired at her. ”You’re children, green as summer grass. You need to be allowed a little lunacy to stay sane.”

He didn’t agree with it, but he understood. But in a world where not as much bad had befallen them perhaps the children could be allowed a little lunacy. Though House Stark’s words were still ”winter is coming”, that still meant something. Winter would still come eventually, they had to be prepared. It had been a long summer, but it would end one day. As summers always did.

”Father.”

”Yes?” Ned immediately said.

He didn’t think far enough as to not react at the small voice that called for him. On instinct he looked over his shoulder so that he could look at his little son while he answered. Though no little boy came running as fast as he could on his short legs, excited to show or say something. No one had come up behind him. Absolutely no one. Still he was sure of that he had heard his youngest son, just as he was sure of that he had heard the other children earlier in the day.

”What?” Lyanna said, looking behind him.

”Did you hear something, Uncle?” Lyarra asked.

She also looked over his shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever it was that he had seen and heard. They wouldn’t see and they hadn’t heard and they didn’t know his son. His little one.

”Thought I did, but it was nothing” he told them.

”Not so strange in a hall full of people and voices” Catelyn said with a light shrug.

”Now why do you entertain my brother’s lunacy?” Brandon asked.

He wasn’t grinning yet, but Ned could tell it was about to happen.

”You’re a good bit rowdier than the people of the red keep” Catelyn snorted. ”Not so strange Ned mishears in your hall.”

”He’s one of us, Catelyn.”

She looked at him as if she contemplated arguing, but then simply sighed and went back to eating. Though he could not say it he was happy for her defence even though it was in no way actually necessary.

”Doesn’t help his poor hearing” Lyanna said.

”There is nothing wrong with my hearing, thank you very much” Ned said.

”Then we’ll have to get you accustomed to the northern way again.”

As if he could ever forget that he was a northerner, it was all he ever thought about in King’s Landing. Every minute of every day was plagued by that he was out of his element. Though that mattered little as long as he was in the king’s service. That was his purpose, even when it kept him from the lands his heart belonged to. Perhaps the north was his true love, truer than that for his wife and that to the king. Than that to his family. Though his family was a part of the north, he supposed. The Starks were as much a part of the north as the north was a part of them. Gods, what was he thinking about? Where was it all coming from? It was as if though a stranger at times took control of his mind, gave him glimpses of something. Had he suddenly gained knowledge of himself in that reality? That had to be it.

”Believe me, dearest sister, I am never not accustomed to the northern way” he told her.

His own self, his true self, was lord of it all. Knew the land and the people better than the back of his hand.

”You are doing little to prove it.”

Despite everything it was a rather pleasant supper. The constant unease of it all did of course not leave him, it did not become any less of a nightmare. But it was so easy to fall into the comfort of speaking with his sister and brother again. After all those years, after all that time he saw them and they saw him. He tried not to look at Catelyn, think too much about her and the children at the table. It hurt, of course it hurt. Of course he hated it. But it was hard to deny that that supper was what should have been. It was surprisingly easy to accept that. He didn’t want to do it another time, not ever again. He wanted his home. He wanted how things had actually happened. Many years ago he would have accepted it with open arms. When Brandon and Father had just died, right before he had found Lyanna in that tower. Though it was too late. He had learned the joy of his own children, Catelyn’s love and the support of the northern lords.

After he had eaten he quickly excused himself and returned to his own chamber. Out of habit he walked first to Catelyn’s chambers. Though before he could enter he met a servant who gave him a somewhat surprised look. Which was enough to make him remember that he had nothing to do in Catelyn’s chamber for he was not her husband. All nights he had spent in there, asleep in her bed or enjoying the heat of her passions, they meant nothing. Oh how he missed her. He needed not her comfort and her advise, he needed to not be alone. Though he was alone, so terribly so. His sister and brother lived and still he was lonely because he knew it wasn’t supposed to be that way.

When he realised the error of his ways he damn near walked to the lord’s chamber. Another error, he was no lord, merely a master of laws. There as a guest, a brother to Lord Stark. It was wrong, all wrong.

Though in the end he managed to find his ways to the right chamber. It was a quiet and lonesome one, which he usually would not have minded, but as it was he could not bear it. He had to and yet he wasn’t strong enough. He was weak and small and unable to do anything to get himself out of it.

For a third time that day he pushed the windows open, tried to breathe the icy air. It cut into his throat, his lungs. It was almost lovely.

Old gods, ancient ones that guide me, allow me to be back where I belong. Cease my punishment, my torture, I beg of you.

It seemed like the gentle wind took his whispered prayer and carried it out into the dark night, did as it liked with it. Hopefully they would hear and heed his words. How may times had he not wished for Lyanna and Brandon to b alive, suddenly he wished for them to be dead again. The world was a cruel place, the gods cruel beings.

He usually struggled to sleep most nights, Catelyn made it easier. No one was there to ease him that night and yet he seemed to fall asleep as soon as he had his head on a pillow. After a day of struggles, of worries and fear, he was exhausted and who could blame him? Hopefully it was all a bad dream, something that would pass. He had worried so much, his mind had conjured up a dream world to match it. He would wake up next to Catelyn, gently wake her as well and see her smile a him. Her eyelids heavy and her voice hoarse. In the mornings she was only his. During the days she belonged to the children and her duties and the people of Winterfell. Though in the mornings, before all that, she was his. That he knew when he closed his eyes and that brought him comfort. So ended his first day.

~*~

When Ned woke up he felt immeasurable disappointment and dread because he woke up and his wife was not next to him. He was all alone in a bed that was not his, a world that was not his, and he didn’t even have his closest person there to help him through it. His wife was in King’s Landing, and he missed her so. He could not wait until when he could return to her. Maybe they would finally make a son upon his return.

Ned turned around in the bed, looked towards the light that had made its way in despite the heavy curtains. And was immediately struck by that his wife was not in King’s Landing, she was home in his Winterfell. His wife was Catelyn, not Barbrey. He already had three sons. Yet his first thought had been about that false reality where he was stuck and unable to escape. It had been the most natural thing in the world to think about the falsehood he was stuck in. As if he was starting to forget.

At once he was wide awake and in a panic. His heart racing in his chest, so hard and fast he would have feared it would explode inside of him if he had been able to think about it. As it was he could not think about much at all except for the realisation of that he had forgotten.

Why had he forgotten, how could he have forgotten? Why was he slipping away, making room for that other Ned? The one he suddenly knew things of despite that he had known nothing of him when he woke up the day before. And in those moments, when he gained those scraps of knowledge, he was the other Ned, was he not? Because what was it that separated them from each other then? Nothing. All that kept him from being the other Ned was what he knew of his life, wasn’t it? He had to remember, he had to know.

It was paralysing, he couldn’t move. He could lie there in the bed that wasn’t his and go over again and again simple things about himself. He had five children, three boys and two girls. Their names were Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon. And a bastard he claimed as his own, Jon. He had been wed to his wife, the Lady Catelyn, for five-and-ten years because Brandon and Father had died. As had Lyanna, and therefore he cared for her son. He was Lord of Winterfell, the head of his house. He had fought two wars as a close ally to Robert Baratheon. He could not forget. He needed to remember. How else was he to find his way back to that? He had to find the grey woman. There was no other option.

Once he could move again he slowly dressed and readied himself for the day. Where was he to find the woman? Last time they met it was she who had found him. She knew significantly more about him than he knew of her, that was quite obvious. Though he could not simply wait for her to find him again, then he might have had to wait forever.

He was the first of his family in the great hall, the day was still very young. At least that was the same, at least that was as it was supposed to be. He was up first of all, he was already finished eating by the time the next person came to join him. Not so surprisingly it was Lyanna. That was also how he remembered it being. They had always been up first.

”Is it not a beautiful day?” Lyanna said.

”Nothing more beautiful than a summer snow.”

There was a gentle stillness about the snows in summer. In winter they were harsh and unforgiving more often than not, but in summer it was a soft embrace. It made the children so happy to play in the fresh snow.

”Would you like to go hawking today, then?” Lyanna continued.

He would rather not leave the castle as he was quite sure of that he would not find the mysterious woman simply walking around on the moors surrounding Winterfell. But that he could not say. And he could not find it in him to refuse her. If he was to succeed in returning home then he would never see her again. She would be dead again, would return to her place in the crypt underneath the castle. Watching over the darkness with eyes made of stone. He had to give her more flowers, make sure there were always fresh ones. She loved flowers.

”After I have been bested in combat by our nephew” Ned sighed.

”The belief he has in himself is incredible, he has that after his father” Lyanna chuckled.

Ned looked down at the table. For a split second he wished that he would one day hear a remark about a child of his being like him. Before he could wish for a child in the first place he pushed it away to the back of his mind. He had to remember himself.

”They’re both quite a lot like Brandon” he added.

”Poor Catelyn. Two children and not one of them is like her.”

She needed a Sansa who admired her more than anyone else in the world. She needed a Bran who would listen to her tales of southern knights with an almost feverish glow in his eyes. She needed a Rickon to sing songs to as he fell asleep and a Robb to take pride in. She needed an Arya to butt heads with, a girl that challenged her but that she loved more than anything else in the world. Did she have that? Did she have what she deserved?

”Is it not strange they only have two?” Ned found himself asking.

Considering his Catelyn had five and was in no way satisfied with that number. Yet he knew that question was not his own. He had very little wish to know more about Catelyn and Brandon.

Lyanna seemed to consider for a moment before she answered.

”Brandon seems fond of her bed, so it is quite strange. Though I suppose after Jonnel’s birth she might be unable to.”

”I don’t remember it, so I can’t say.”

”Well, you were in King’s Landing so that’s understandable, but it was hard upon both mother and child.”

”You weren’t in Winterfell either” Ned reminded her.

Lyanna gave him a look and her smile faltered. There was something almost accusing in her eyes. As if it had been his fault she ran away from her betrothal.

He wasn’t supposed to know that, he shouldn’t have known that, he needed to stop knowing such things. He had to remember himself, he had to remember himself, he had to remember himself.

”Where I was is between me and the gods. And should it become necesssary I will return there.”

He wanted to speak about it and at the same time he didn’t want to speak about it at al. He wanted to bury it deep in snow that never melted away. At least she had got her will through, she wasn’t the queen. If only it hadn’t had to happen in a way that left the rest of them believing that she was dead.

They sat in silence while Lyanna ate. What she was thinking he had little idea about. He knew only his own thoughts. It was so hard to make a plan when he had no idea about what he was doing. He was fighting an invisible foe and he had no weapons.

”Have you seen a small women entirely dressed in grey?”

At first she didn’t acknowledge his question. How childish to refuse to speak with him because he had brought up when she hurt them.

”Can you be more specific?” she then asked.

Though she didn’t look at him.

”Smallest woman you’ve ever seen. Grey clothing, grey cloak, grey hair, all about her is grey.”

Maybe, just maybe, she would have an answer. Maybe it would be easier than he feared. He had to try, at least.

”Can’t remember seeing such a person. Why do you ask?”

Lyanna’s anger seemed to have calm. Instead she had turned towards curiousity. Understandable considering the question he had asked.

”Unfinished business” he simply said.

Because what else could he tell her? Nothing.

”And what do you mean by that?”

”That doesn’t concern you.”

Before she could be angry with him again the both of his brother’s children had entered the hall. Then even Lyanna realised that perhaps it was time to be quiet.

If she didn’t know then he had little faith in someone else doing so. They would undoubtedly ask the same questions as she had, and then he might not be so lucky as he had been then. The children were happy, talkative. Neither he nor Lyanna got a word in while they talked. He was very happy for it. At least Catelyn had two happy children and a good husband. Of course she was content with that life, how could she not be?

When she also joined them it was with a smile but also a stern reprimand to her son and daughter for talking over their aunt and uncle. He did not mind, anything that let him simply sit in silence was welcome.

Sparring with Jonnel was more enjoyable than he had thought. Of course the boy was no match for him, he was only twelve after all. But he was quite impressive all the same. A promising talent. One day he would be better than Ned. And that was most likely not too far away. And as they finished he found that not once had he thought of his own boys. He hated that. He was forgetting faster than he liked. He couldn’t forget, he had to remember. That was his only option.

He met Catelyn just outside of the keep as he was returning to there to change his clothes. The morning’s snow had turned the yard into mud.

”You are so good with him” she said.

She must have seen them.

”He is a good boy, that has nothing to do with me.”

“I think it does. You would make a fine father.”

She smiled at him. He couldn’t tell if it was a polite smile or if she meant it. He couldn’t read that face. That which was her but not actually her.

He was a father. He had his children. He had her children. Their children. Children he loved fiercely and with all his heart. His heart skipped a beat as he realised he couldn’t see them before him. Their faces were blurry, as if he couldn’t remember how they looked. It had only been a day since he last saw them.

“It gladdens me to hear that” he forced out, trying to sound calm even as he was growing increasingly unnerved by his inability to picture his children.

“I shall pray for you and your wife.”

“That would make us very happy.”

They would, they wanted children, Barbrey was tired of the other ladies swelling with children while her womb was just empty. Where was all that coming from? Why the snaps of knowledge? He didn’t want that, he wanted to see the faces of his children. All day he had made room for new things and in the meanwhile he had began to forget. How was he to fight it, how was he to make it stop? It was against his will, it was all against his will. Amidst the dread his little flame of hope was suffocated. How was he to set things right if he could not even remember?

[earnestly-endlessly]

*flies in like magneto* can i get some exes to lovers™?

Do I have some exes to lovers fics for you? Yes I certainly do. It seems that the cherik fandom loves some exes to lovers cherik and I don't blame anyone because this ship really calls for all the angst. I hope you enjoy this list.

Exes to Lovers AU

Bound – FuryRed

Summary: Is there anything worse than someone else’s wedding? Well, perhaps your sister’s wedding- where the groom just has to invite his boss and that man just happens to be your ex-boyfriend; a person you had an extremely passionate and tumultuous relationship with that ended badly.

Charles hadn’t seen Erik for a year by the time Raven had told him about the wedding. He wasn’t looking forward to the occasion, particularly when Raven explained that they would be celebrating the event with a two-week extravaganza at a luxury hotel, meaning that Charles would be forced to spend a whole fortnight with the man who he’d given everything to; the man who had ultimately broken his heart…

Preheat to 350 (just for you remix) – ikeracity

Summary: Charles realizes he's in love with Erik. But there's one tiny little problem: he just broke up with Erik.

Thread Through a Needle – Black_Betty

Summary: Erik and Charles are broken up. Neither of them want to be.

Carry Me Anew (Frost & Darkholme Remix) – kianspo

Summary: While working as a model for Raven and Emma's clothing line, Erik experiences a strong attraction to his shoot partner. These things happen, except Erik has a boyfriend, who does not take this at all well.

Linger like a tattoo kiss – ikeracity

Summary: Six months apart gives Erik a lot of time to think about what he really wants.

(Erik's POV from Carry Me Anew (Frost & Darkholme Remix) by kianspo)

Symphysis – ikeracity

Summary: After Charles and Erik broke up four months ago, Charles convinced himself he'd never see Erik again. But life has a funny way of bringing people back together.

Call/Response – phalangine

Summary: Charles and Erik have a real conversation for the first time since breaking up. Charles is looking to avoid confrontation. Erik is not.

Regression Therapy – Fantine_Black

Summary: O, God, he’d made a terrible mistake. Whatever he’d expected to find here, Erik was still Erik, a man he’d moved continents to avoid. In retrospect, that felt like a rather good idea…

Four years after Charles walked away from Professor Lehnsherr, the two meet again for a drink.

Because things are better the second time round, aren't they?

Forever is Only a Drunk Dial Away – bettysofia

Summary: Charles is sad and drunk and stalking Erik's Instagram.

Shop Space – Caradee

Summary: Charles and Erik break up but still meet at their favorite coffee shop and manage a completely friendly relationship. The kids who work the coffee shop don't understand it, Charles' overprotective twin brother doesn't understand it, and even Charles doesn't understand it. Then, Erik shows up with a new date, someone who seems to be everything that Charles is not.

How will the Professor handle the surprising heartbreak that comes seeing Erik with someone else?

Mutant House at Dead Kings College – mabyn

Summary: When it comes to romance, Charles has terrible timing.

Can You Feel My Heart – FuryRed

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr hates Charles Xavier.

It’s as true as the words written on the wall in the bathroom at the university that Erik attends. Erik sees them one day- accompanied by a crude drawing of Erik and Charles glaring at each other- and recognises the truth of the sentence, and smiles.

He hates Charles.

Probably…

Believe (One More Time) – luninosity

Summary: For the prompt, Charles and Erik dated during college and had a bitter break-up right before graduation. It's five years later and they both meet again at their class's reunion for a weekend. Someone was even stupid enough to have them room with each other for the weekend...

Old Flame Burning – TurtleTotem

Summary: It's ridiculous for Charles to dread meeting the best man at his sister's wedding, just because he shares a name with Charles's ex. It's not as though it could possibly be the same Erik.

Don’t speak to the bartender – Wild_Imagination

Summary: Logan is a bartender, it's a gloomy evening, and in his bar there's someone with a broken heart. But this is not a movie.

Right?

Somewhere I’m Going & Have Never Been Before – Yahtzee

Summary: In late December 1984, Charles falls victim to the terrible pandemic sweeping across the globe. He's sick, probably dying, and utterly alone in an isolated cabin...until he's not.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland – TurtleTotem

Summary: Charles hasn't seen Erik since their devastating breakup ten years ago. He's certainly the last person he expects to run into at a Christmas lights display.

Lean On Me – SpiritsFlame

Summary: Ten years ago, Charles and Erik split up, dividing their six kids between them. None of them expect them to meet at summer camp. And no one could have predicted the results.

It was a yellow umbrella spring – ikeracity

Summary: Three years after Charles left for Oxford, Erik discovers that Charles is coming back to New York.

Second chances are wonderful things.

My heart above my head – annejumps

Summary: Emma thinks her coworker Erik and her friend and fellow telepath Charles should get together. No one expects things to get so intense so quickly.

The Edge of What Doesn’t End – populuxe

Summary: When a mysterious object appears on the moon, Moira MacTaggert calls in two experts with very specific mutations to investigate.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, after years of breaking up and getting back together again, those two experts have finally broken up for good—and they’re the last people in the world who should be stuck together on a spaceship.

Exit Wounds – LemonadeGarden

Summary: It's been eight months since Charles and Erik had a fight that broke apart their marriage. When a mutant rights protest goes awry and Charles begins to get sick, past memories and present obstacles begin to blur the lines of their ideological differences.

Alternatively: Charles and Erik learn how to fall in love again in troubled times.

Note: Unfinished

11 Days, 8 Hours and 12 Minutes (or Bruises, Stupidity and Anger Management) – ximeria

Summary: For six months, Erik and Charles have been the disgustingly happy couple of the school. Considering their pigheadedness and general communication skills (or lack thereof), things are bound to go boom at some point.

Moon Song – ikeracity

Summary: Werewolf AU. When Charles is captured by hunters, Erik and his pack go after him. It turns out there might be some room for redemption left for both of them after all.

I will Never Stop Loving You – swoopswoop

Summary: Erik and Charles split up three years ago but Erik never really got over it and then one day when the man who walked out of his life three years ago is walking down the street towards him, Erik sees an opportunity to mend fences.

Please leave your message after the tone – ikeracity

Summary: Spending his evening getting shitfaced and pining over Erik seems like a totally productive use of Charles's time. Luckily, it turns out to be a better idea than it sounds.

When the Spell Breaks – kianspo

Summary: Erik, a high-profile lawyer with a successful career, meets a 21-year-old grad student in a bar, and within a few short months marries him. He and Charles are blissfully happy, until Erik's boss runs a background check on Charles and discovers he's been cheating on Erik. Charles denies everything, as there was no affair, but Erik doesn't believe him and throws him out. As Charles tries to figure out how to survive and stay at school that he can no longer afford and makes a lot of bad if not plain dangerous choices, Erik has to fight his own battle of discovering the truth and winning Charles back.

We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven (the things you love don’t last remix) – hllfire

Summary: Charles hands Erik the signed divorce papers, but Erik has changed his mind. Too late, it seems. All he can do is go forward with the divorce.

A year later, Charles comes back, and Erik can't help but wanting to see him. The only problem is things don't go like Erik had planned.

Suddenly There’ll Be a Blizzard (Let it Snow Remix) – kianspo

Summary: Charles was never at his best while jetlagged, but locking himself out in a snowstorm while barely dressed might be a new low. The last thing he expected was to be rescued by his high school nemesis, the man he hadn't seen in over ten years, who might have broken his heart for good once upon a time.

Write this number down (you can call it anytime) – pocky_slash

Summary: When Erik upsets his children, they have a habit of running away from home--and straight to Charles' school for cookies and consolation. Charles doesn't mind the visitors, but as they appear more and more frequently, he realizes that sooner or later, he and Erik are going to have to talk about what happened on the beach and what it means for their future and the future of Erik's children.

All we do is break up (and make up) – Stuckyl0v3r

Summary: "So instead of making the most out of this next months, because you don't know where either of you is going to end up, you decided to stay away from each other to get used to the feeling?" Hank summed up, stopping in front of the class. Charles nodded his head confidently and beamed at him, but somehow his smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Yes, something like that."

Well, that was the most idiotic plan Hank's ever heard.

Three wheels of cheese and a Great White – ximeria

Summary: Charles and Erik were friends with benefits in college.

They went their separate ways and 18 years later, they run into each other in New York.

The sex was never a problem back in college - and sex was all it had been. But now Erik is a divorced father and Charles has admitted to himself he needs more than just sex in a relationship. So in their usual round-about way they try to navigate becoming friends after so many years. The whole quest is aided by Raven, Edie, Wanda and Pietro (and a large number of shark jokes).

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Merlin’s previously hidden horrific past comes to light;

The gang learn that everything they know about Merlin is a well-constructed façade when the truth about his “Military” history comes out.

TW: Child soldiers, abuse + torture, lots of blood and death and nightmares, potential PTSD?

When King Arthur had received the official looking letter requesting an audience about troubles with the border, he’d thought nothing much of it; the tone of the letter didn’t lead him to think there would be any serious conflict.

He replied to the Essetirian Lord, figuring it would end up being a simple issue of river boundaries or overstepping patrols, they could discuss it and fix the problem amicably, and then part ways without issue.

Arthur wasn’t a fan of the way Essetir worked; they were far too authoritarian for his liking, and they were known for their use of slave labour, terror tactics, and child soldiers, but peace had been harboured between the Kingdoms, so he could hardly complain.

The fact that Arthur didn’t see it as a big deal, means he didn’t mention it to Merlin until the day of the Lord’s arrival, and even then, he didn’t mention the Lord’s name, or where in Essetir he came from.

Merlin may have seemed a little tense at the mention of Essetirian Lords, but Arthur shrugged it off, figuring high taxes and village raids probably left him with a mistrust of authority from his home kingdom.

~

Arthur was sat in his throne, crown atop his head, when the Lord arrived. His roundtable knights and a few select members of his council sat in their own chairs at the side of the room, and Merlin stood dutifully beside him.

He preferred to have a small audience when first greeting foreign authority, hence only having nine people, including himself, in the room. 

Arthur trusted Leon, Lancelot, Percival, Elyan, Gwaine, Guinevere, Gaius, and Merlin, to subtly analyse and scrutinize the visitor for anything troubling, and report back to him truthfully later. Arthur trusted his wider council, of course he did, but experience with these particular people told him they were better equipped to handle any sort of conflict or worries.

Which means when Merlin quietly took in a sharp breath, tensed up, and stepped back to be behind him when The Lord walked in, he immediately noticed.

He makes no motion to question him though, assuming that perhaps this particular Lord had passed through Ealdor at some point, and made a mental note to question Merlin later.

The Lord bows deeply, and raises to meet Arthur’s gaze with a wide, friendly smile:

“I am Lord Severin of Essetir, I appreciate your quick response to my letter, and am grateful for the invitation to your beautiful kingdom, My Lord.”

At first, Arthur had been curious, and mildly concerned, but Gaius’s sharp intake of breath and stiffening back at the mention of the Lord’s name, tip him right over the line into being officially worried.

Did this particular Lord have some sort of reputation Arthur was unaware of? He, again, makes no moves to suggest that he had noticed Gaius’s reaction, and instead returns the Lord’s smile:

“Of course, you’re more than welcome. Guest chambers have been set up for you, if you would like to stay for a few days? I can imagine it was a long journey.”

The Lord nods, and keeping his smile, says:

“Thank you, I had planned on booking a room for a few nights, but if you’ll have me?”

Arthur nods in return, quickly speaking before the Lord can thank him again:

“Of course. Is the border discussion a lengthy issue, or something we can resolve quickly now? I have my most trusted advisors with us, should there be a political issue?”

Lord Severin shakes his head roughly, giving Arthur a sympathetic shrug:

“In all honestly, My Lord, as far as I’m concerned there isn’t an issue, but a few of my men were worried, and the only way I could see to resolve it was an official meeting to reassure them.-”

Arthur smiles, gesturing for him to continue:

“-Over the past several years, multiple Camelot Knights have been seen crossing the boundary, and spending a few days at a time in a small border-village on the Essetir side. I am under no impression that anything underhanded is happening, but a few of my inferiors were getting twitchy about it.”

Arthur once again hears Merlin take in a shaky breath, and furrows his eyebrow in curiosity:

“Which village?”

“It’s name is Ealdor, My Lord.”

Arthur smiles widely in understanding and nods his head, relaxing:

“Ah yes. A highly ranked member of the castle staff has family there, and depending on how dangerous the journey is predicted to be, I’ll often send him with a knight escort when he visits home.”

Lord Severin nods his head, before tilting it curiously and saying:

“Might I ask which member of staff? I spent some time in Ealdor a few years back, colour me... curious.”

The smile on his face is a little sharper now, but Arthur hardly sees the harm in telling him; he’ll only be here for a few days at most anyway. 

Arthur gestures a hand behind him:

“Merlin.”

He looks back and frowns, questioning his decision, when he sees Merlin staring blankly at the floor. He’s statue still, but Arthur can see the way his jaw tenses, and the paleness of his skin.

He turns back to see the Lord staring up at Merlin with an inquisitive expression. Just as Arthur resigns himself to say something, a look of wolfish realisation crosses the Lord’s face, and he speaks softly, as if to himself:

“Merlin from Ealdor, eh?-”

His grin turns even more wicked, and his volume rises:

“-I was under the impression that you had died, my dear boy.”

Arthur furrows his brows in confusion, and Merlin, without raising his gaze, quietly replies:

“No, My Lord.”

Severin chuckles, a hint of cruelty in the noise, but before he can say anything Arthur asks:

“You know each other?”

The Lord looks to him, as if only just remembering he was in the presence of a King, and smirks:

“Know each other? Why, Merlin was once one of my best. You’re astoundingly lucky to have a bodyguard with such incredible skill, My Lord. I was sad to lose him.”

Arthur glances at Merlin, who seems somehow even paler, before looking back to Severin in confusion, tilting his head:

“Merlin isn’t my bodyguard, he can barely carry a sword. He’s my personal manservant. Perhaps you have the wrong man?”

Severin shakes his head resolutely, before staring at Merlin:

“No, that’s him, I would recognise him anywhere. Like I said, I was sad to see him go.”

At Arthur’s continued confusion, Lord Severin gives him a patronising smile, quietly saying:

“Perhaps a demonstration is in order-”

He turns back to Merlin, speaking loudly this time, as Arthur and the others look on in bewilderment. Gaius however, looks increasingly worried, rather than confused.

“-Step forward, Merlin.”

Merlin, without hesitation, walks stiffly forward, standing to attention just in front of Arthur, hands straight by his side, and his gaze unwaveringly forward, focussed on the wall behind Severin. 

Arthur stands from his throne, moving to stand by the council chairs so he could see Merlin’s face. What he spies however, is a tense blankness that he’s only even seen in the brief moments when Merlin thinks no one is looking at him.

The Lord rolls his eyes condescendingly at Merlin:

“You know I hate it when you stand so stiffly Merlin, it’s bad form. Stand at ease.”

Again, without hesitation, Merlin kicks ones of his legs out slightly, and moves his hands to be tightly clutched behind his back, shaking almost imperceptibly. Still, he does not change his expression as the gang look on worriedly.

“Are you armed, Merlin?”

Merlin gives one firm nod, before saying in a monotonous voice:

“Always, My Lord.”

Severin gestures vaguely with his hand, muttering:

“Show me.”

With that, Merlin taps his right wrist to his hip before flicking his arm out to the side, and with the movement, a dagger slides from a hidden holster under his sleeve, and falls gracefully into Merlin’s hand.

Everyone in the gang, bar Gaius, was taken aback, They’d known Merlin for years, ten in the cases of Arthur, Leon, and Gwen. How had they never known that Merlin was always carrying a weapon?

The Lord looks only mildly impressed as he holds a hand out, crooking his fingers towards himself slightly. Merlin throws the knife gently, his aim perfect as the handle lands in the centre of Severin’s palm.

He passes the blade from hand to hand, humming thoughtfully, before saying:

“It’s not very well weighted, incredibly poor quality, but-”

With that, he looks back up at Merlin, the wolfish grin having returned to his face, but the gang only have a second to be confused before the Lord pulls his hand back, and hurls the knife directly at Merlin’s head.

The velocity at which the blade moves through the air... well, a slower man would have died. But Merlin is apparently not a slow man.

With his focus still on the wall somewhere behind the Lord, he whips his hand up, quicker than lightening, and catches the handle of knife with the blade just an inch away from his eye. Only then, does his gaze move across to the dagger, and he brings his hand down, slipping it back into it’s holster as if he was entirely unbothered by what had just happened. The Lord finishes his sentence:

“-anything can be a weapon in the hands of a killer. Back to your post, Merlin.”

Merlin bows slightly, and moves back, expression still blank as the gang stare at him with various expressions of shock and confusion.

Arthur moves back to his throne, careful to keep his face blank, though struggling not to stare at Merlin worriedly, before he says:

“Well, that was quite a display. Any other uh... stories to tell, Lord Severin?”

The man shakes his head, laughing, and replies:

“No, Your Majesty, that is all. I will reassure my employees that the visits to Ealdor are purely personal, and order them to leave it be.”

Arthur gulps and frowns slightly at the sudden change it topic, wanting desperately to look back and check on Merlin, but not daring to, as he replies:

“Of course. I’m afraid I will not be able to join you for dinner tonight, or breakfast in the morning, though I extend my invitation for you to visit the training grounds before noon. I have my best scheduled for tomorrow.”

As he says this, he gestures to the five roundtable knights, who all wipe the confusion off their faces as the Lord glances at them. In actual fact, none of them were scheduled to train tomorrow morning, but it had become habit over the years for Arthur to use them as a subtle display of strength whenever a visitor unnerved or worried him.

Severin looks back to the King, giving him a nod as he accepts:

“I would love nothing more, My Lord.”

Arthur smiles tightly and nods before dismissing him, his harsh gaze not leaving the Lord’s back until the door shuts behind him.

The moment he’s left the room, Arthur stands up, dizzyingly quickly, and steps around the throne to question Merlin, only to find that the manservant gone, slipped away through the servant’s door.

He speedily goes to follow him, wanting to get to the bottom of whatever the hell that was, but Gwen’s desperate voice halts him:

“Stop! He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it right now, we should leave him be-”

Arthur turns around and goes to retort, but Gwen cuts him off:

“-and besides, no one knows this castle better than Merlin, he’s long gone. If he doesn’t want to be found, then he won’t be found. Leave him be for a while.”

The King desperately wants to argue, but he begrudgingly nods, knowing that Gwen is right. He frowns at the desperate and questioning looks that Lancelot sends to Gaius, unaware that Arthur is looking at them.

Gaius shakes his head slightly, and Lancelot visibly relaxes, only to tense again when Arthur asks:

“Lancelot, Gaius? Do you know what just happened?”

The knights averts his gaze after giving a brief shake of the head, the Physician looks to Arthur, clearly mentally debating on the best way to answer the question. He gulps before speaking slowly:

“Other than Merlin’s mother, I am the only one to know the truth. However it is a very... personal, and frankly traumatising, topic for Merlin, and I don’t feel it’s my place to tell you. Might I request that you allow Merlin to keep his distance from Lord Severin?”

Arthur looks like he wants to argue, but the warning looks he receives from Leon and Gwen stop him, and he once again begrudgingly nods:

“I... fine. But I’ll want to know eventually. If I’m to have dealings with this Lord, I need to know if he’s involved in anything troubling."

Gaius sighs and nods:

“It is... nothing that Essetirian Lords aren’t already known for, My Lord.”

Arthur tilts his head in confusion, that doesn’t sound like it bodes particularly well but... he’d already agreed not to pry. Gaius was clearly trying not to let too much on and trying to hide how freaked out he was. Which also didn’t bode well.

Arthur copies Gaius’s sigh, nodding to himself as he gestures vaguely at the group and tiredly says:

“Alright, you’re all dismissed. Keep an eye out for Merlin, and I want to know where that Lord is at all times. There was a servant in the corridor waiting to take him to his rooms, so I would appreciate it if one of you could go check he made it. I want to know if anything happens. Rest well tonight, I want you at your best for tomorrow.”

Everyone gives a decisive nod, Leon stalking off to follow the Lord, and the others separating out to complete their normal tasks. Half-heartedly mind you, as all of them were more focussed on trying to wrap their heads around what had just happened.

~

None of them saw Merlin for the rest of the day, or the next morning. They would have been more worried, but nothing was missing from his room, a few of the castle staff had reported seeing him briefly, here and there, and the Lord had yet to try anything untoward.

When Arthur had gotten to his room that night, dinner was ready and waiting, the room had been tidied, his sleep clothes had been folded and laid on his pillow, and the hearth had been lit.

The next morning was the same. Arthur woke to to see that his empty dinner tray had been replaced with a full breakfast tray, his clothes for the day had been laid out, and his desk had been organised with a list of today’s duties left in the centre.

Arthur huffed at Merlin’s absence. He hadn’t gotten that much sleep last night, the more he thought about what had happened, the more restless he became.

There was a lot of things to worry about.

Gaius being openly shaken and worried was especially concerning. The man was usually unflappable, so whatever it was... it was bad.

And what had Lancelot been so scared about? He seemed genuinely confused but he still knows something.

And what Merlin had done with that knife...

Arthur could understand Merlin hiding a part of his life, just not mentioning it, especially if it was as traumatising as Gaius let on, but to actively lie?? To put up a clumsy, useless front with no prompting?? That was most certainly worrying. “Incredible skill” Severin had said. “One of my best”, what does that even mean??

He had called Merlin a Killer.

Still, Arthur didn’t call for his manservant to be summoned. The man was clearly after some privacy, and despite Arthur’s powerful curiosity, Gaius’s fear and Merlin’s disappearing act held him back, at least for the time being.

After finishing some paperwork, Arthur headed down to the armoury, to be met by a squire who had clearly been waiting for him. At Arthur’s confused expression, the boy tells him that he had been instructed by Merlin to help The King with his armour, and that he would be round later.

Arthur nodded, hiding his confusion. Merlin was usually incredibly protective of Arthur’s armour, BUT he said he’d be coming by later, so it wasn’t as if he were fully disposed for the whole day. Hmm.

Perhaps he was simply trying to avoid being in close quarters with Arthur, alone. Being stood at the side of a field whilst the Knights sparred was hardly the same as helping Arthur dress, one-on-one.

Still, Arthur didn’t call for his manservant to be summoned. If he weren’t so worried about Merlin, he’d be childishly proud of himself for being so selfless and caring.

He met the other five knights on the training field, satisfied to see them all in full armour, preparing for full-contact sparring. Apparently they all wanted to intimidate this Lord just as much as Arthur did. Now all they had to do was wait for the guy to show.

But Merlin appeared first. No one noticed him for a little while, but Gwaine getting distracted in the middle of a fight and allowing himself to be tripped by Elyan, certainly bought everyone’s attention to the raven-haired servant stood at the side of the field that had caught his eye.

Merlin’s expression was the same as it was yesterday. Meaning: expressionless, blank.

He doesn’t react at all as the knights stare at him, and only nods slightly when Arthur raises a hand in greeting, despite not looking directly at him. Leon’s quiet-

“Sire?”

-breaks Arthur out of his stupor, and he mutters back:

“Leave him be. He usually stands much closer than that, so he’s clearly still not in the mood to talk.”

Elyan furrows his brows as he finally helps Gwaine to his feet, before saying:

“He knows the Lord is meant to be here. If he wanted to avoid him, why come?”

Arthur shrugs but Lancelot looks surprised, and speaks as though the answer was the most obvious thing in the world:

“He’s protective of Arthur. No matter the history between Severin and himself, if he thinks the Lord is dangerous he wouldn’t allow Arthur to be in his presence without being there as well.”

Arthur frowns and huffs, but doesn’t say anything as the others nod their heads. He gestures for Leon to step into the ring with him, conscious of the fact that they had just been stood around talking.

Luckily, Severin showed up just as Arthur and Leon started to get into the swing of things, and the other knights could tell the exact moment the two of them noticed the Lord, stood about ten feet to Merlin’s left; the fight got much more... vicious.

A pro of having worked together practically their whole knighthoods (and before, for Arthur), was that Arthur and Leon could give their absolute all in matches against each other, and not have to worry about miss-stepping or accidentally hurting one another.

The sparring sessions between them often drew large crowds, but Arthur had ordered the training grounds cleared this morning, meaning that the four other knights, the Lord, and a much tenser-looking Merlin, is all their audience consisted of.

Finally, the fight came to an end, Arthur victorious as he knocks Leon to the floor. They shake hands, and Leon has to hide the swell of pride in him at the man he had trained for managing to beat him, before they make their way over to Lord Severin, closely followed by the others.

The Lord claps his hands, a wide smile on his face, and Arthur stops himself from looking at Merlin when he sees the man flinch slightly at the noise.

“Very impressive, My Lord. Your knights truly are something to behold!”

Arthur gives him a strained smile:

“Yes, I take a lot of pride in the strength of my best.”

Severin’s eyes widen, and his grin once again turns sharp. Arthur has a feeling he isn’t going to like what the man says next:

“Well, if we’re talking about the best, might I suggest that your... ah, manservant, shows off his skills? I imagine we would all find that mighty entertaining, especially considering you were previously unaware of his abilities?”

Arthur clenches his jaw, glancing at Merlin. The King was taken aback when Merlin held his gaze for the first time since before the Lord had arrived yesterday. 

Arthur answers, without looking away from Merlin, and regrets his words the moment they exit his mouth:

“I’m alright with it, but only if Merlin agrees.”

Merlin widens his eyes, only slightly, but it’s enough to show Arthur that that was the wrong thing to say. Whatever the history between Severin and Merlin was, the manservant was unable to say no to him. Arthur hadn’t given Merlin a choice, he’d allowed Severin to dictate Merlin’s answer.

The Lord claps his hands again, wolfish smile growing as he loudly proclaims:

“Brilliant! I will divert to your judgement, on who his opponent should be, My Lord.”

Merlin clenches his jaw, turning and walking towards the spare swords. He grabs one from the rack, and enters the ring, standing stiffly, waiting.

Arthur frowns at Merlin’s sudden, easy capability, before nodding at Lancelot. He was reluctant (NOT jealous) to admit it, but he and Merlin were very close, if anyone could pretend to fight Merlin convincingly without actually hurting him, it would be Lancelot.

Lancelot returns his nod, understanding his King’s thought process, before looking to Merlin with a concerned frown on his face:

“Do you not want any armour, Merlin?”

The Lord laughs as Merlin mutely shakes his head, answering for him:

“Oh, he won’t need it sir knight, like I keep saying, he’s quite skilled.”

Lancelot still looks reluctant, but at Arthur’s stiff nod and the questioning tilt of Merlin’s head, he walks into the ring and stands opposite his best friend.

He gives Merlin a nod, and hides his worry when Merlin just stares at him blankly, his stance turning loose, but sword held tightly in his hand.

Arthur signals for them to start, and Lancelot immediately has to take a rushed step back as Merlin moves quickly forward, swinging his sword up.

Lancelot just about manages to block the strike, but the strength of the hit has the bones in his arms vibrating, and his shock gives Merlin just enough time to twist his body, taking another swing before Lancelot even processes what’s happening.

The second wide arc of Merlin’s sword knocks the knight’s arm to the side violently, and he stumbles back, only just managing to keep hold of the blade. Merlin takes advantage of Lance’s newly exposed chest, and using the last of his momentum, brings a leg up and lands a harsh kick to the centre of his chest-plate.

The force throws him back and he lands sprawled on the floor several feet away.

The others knights gasp as the Lord jovially laughs and Lancelot stares at the sky in shock. All in all, that spar had lasted about five seconds, and consisted of Merlin swinging his sword only twice, and kicking him so hard he dented his armour.

Lancelot hadn’t even had time to think before it was over, and was still wide-eyed when Merlin wordlessly pulled him to his feet, frowning as he runs a hand over the damaged metal.

The other knights are still staring in shock as Lancelot lifts a hand to put it on Merlin’s shoulder. When the servant flinches backwards, he lowers his hand again, but still whispers:

“Gods, Merlin. Where the hell did you learn to fight like that?”

Merlin’s frown deepens and he clenches his jaw as he glances at the amused Lord, before stepping back, out of Lance’s reach.

Before anyone can say anything, Severin loudly exclaims:

“That’s my boy! I knew I could count on you to have not forgotten your training. How about you?”

He gestures to Elyan, and the knight looks to Arthur for confirmation. Merlin stays in the ring, waiting, back to being expressionless. He hadn’t even broken a sweat during his fight with Lancelot, didn’t even look out of breath, and Arthur’s morbid curiosity gets the better of him as he nods at Elyan.

The knight stepped into the ring, taking Lancelot’s place opposite Merlin.

Arthur gives the signal to start, and Elyan is the first one to strike this time, but Merlin moves easily out of the way, with speed and grace that no one had ever seen him express before.

Honestly, Arthur thinks the first fight might have been a fluke, because this time, Merlin spends the first twenty-five seconds blocking and dodging, making no offensive moves, and staying well out of Elyan’s way.

But Merlin makes the swap quicker than anyone can see, going from defence to offense in the blink of an eye, and within seconds of the change, Elyan is on the floor, Merlin’s sword at his throat, and his own sword lost somewhere to the side.

Merlin had moved so quickly, Elyan hadn’t really any clue how he’d ended up on the floor as he blinks up at the previously thought-to-be clumsy manservant.

After a moment, the knights once again shocked and the Lord once again cheerfully laughing, Merlin leans down and pulls the knight to his feet.

Elyan nods his thanks dumbly before picking up his sword, and heading over to the side lines, still looking confused as his brain tried to catch up with the last thirty seconds.

Merlin had, once again, not even broken a sweat, and Arthur gulps as he looks at his manservant. On the surface, he seemed... absent. Like he wasn’t really aware of what was going on, and was just waiting for it to be over. But upon closer inspection, Arthur could tell that wasn’t true.

Merlin’s stance may have been loose, but the position of his feet and the grip on his sword showed that he was fully prepared to jump into a fight without hesitation. That, the clench of his jaw, and the focus in his eyes as he stared back at Arthur, told The King that Merlin was fully aware of his surroundings.

Severin’s laugh petered out, and he points a finger at Gwaine, looking at Arthur as he questioned:

“My Lord?”

Arthur nods, and Gwaine huffs angrily. He gives The King an incredulous look but, perhaps a little selfishly, Arthur was curious about the extent of Merlin’s... abilities, so he ignores it, and Gwaine reluctantly walks to stand in front of his friend.

Merlin’s gaze drifts from Arthur to Gwaine, and he tilts his head slightly, adjusting his stance, his expression remaining in the same blank position it had been through all of the matches.

Once again, Arthur finds himself signalling the start of a fight between his best-friend (slash love of his life but like... shhh) and one of his most trusted knights.

Neither of them make a move at first, they just circle each other slowly, Gwaine’s sword raised, but Merlin’s pointed to the floor as he makes a point of keeping his stance fluid.

The Lord claps his hands together, just once, but the loud noise triggers an immediate reaction in Merlin and he pounces forward.

Gwaine takes the defensive as Merlin throws hit after hit, each one precise and specific. Gwaine is stronger than Merlin, but Merlin knows this, striking quickly and needling holes in Gwaine’s defence, moving back before he has time to launch a counter attack.

This fight goes on a lot longer than the last two, but Gwaine quickly begins to tire. At the first stumble in the knight’s step, Merlin takes a pace back, and presents his opponent with a miniscule opening.

Apparently it had been deliberate; the moment Gwaine follows him to take a swing at the gap, Merlin feints to the side, and lands a single blow that knocks Gwaine to the floor.

He chuckles darkly as his chest makes contact with the grass, realising immediately what his mistake had been. He rolls to his feet, holding his sword-less hands up in surrender. The man is breathing deeply, and even Merlin looks slightly more tired than he had before, but only slightly.

Leon lets out a deep breath, and all the knights seem to realise simultaneously that... at no point had Merlin not been in full control of each fight, setting the pace exactly how he wanted it, and taking advantage of each of their weaknesses perfectly.

Lancelot was reluctant to fight Merlin, so Merlin threw a few quick hits and had him on the floor before the knight realised he didn’t have to hold back.

Elyan had seen Merlin’s speed against Lance, and had therefore rushed to try and surprise him. Merlin took the defensive, biding his time until Elyan eventually made a mistake, and struck so quickly and harshly, he only needed one move to take him out.

With Gwaine he’d done the opposite. The man was much stronger than Merlin, so he couldn’t let him get a hit in, only allowing the knight time to defend and not attack. He waited for Gwaine to get tired and distracted, waited until he was moving automatically before presenting a tiny weakness that another knight might have missed. Gwaine fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Gwaine resists the urge to clap Merlin on the back, proud smile quickly dropping to a frown when he sees the still blank look on his face.

The Lord doesn’t even have to request another fight before Arthur nods at Percival.

Percival looks a little less reluctant, everyone now clearly knowing that Merlin could more than hold his own; if anything, he looks a little nervous for himself, despite being six inches taller and much heavier.

This fight is a lot more quick-paced. At Arthur’s gesture, they both immediately jump into it, fighting for dominance with speed and strength. Once again, Merlin’s opponent is much stronger than he is, and Merlin tires more this round.

Percival lands a heavy to kick to Merlin’s chest, and he goes sprawling backwards, but he keeps a hold of his sword and uses the momentum to gracefully roll back onto his feet.

Before Percival has time to raise his sword again, Merlin takes advantage of the new distance between them and sprints towards him. He drops quickly, sliding between Percival’s legs, sword held close to his body as he reaches an arm out, grabbing the giant’s ankle on the way through.

His sudden grip forces Percival to take a step forward to correct his balance, but before he can turn around, Merlin quickly stands and shoves his whole body weight against his back.

The force of the shove paired with the instinctual step forward tips Percival’s centre of gravity, and he topples to the floor, rolling over to see Merlin already stood above him, panting, his sword aimed at Percival’s throat.

The other knights gasp slightly as Merlin steps away at Percival’s raised hands. They had been certain that Percival, with his size, would be the one to beat Merlin.

Apparently not.

Lord Severin is once again laughing, and Arthur (and the others) are becoming more and more confused. Merlin had beaten four of Camelot’s best in a row in about ten minutes, and was only slightly out of breath.

This was not just a bit of combat training, this was... more. This was harsh, ingrained, years upon years of practice.

Arthur and Leon remember when Merlin first arrived in Camelot, only sixteen, and dread grows in their stomachs as they realise the implications.

They’re quickly broken out of their stupors as Percival walks slowly over, still catching his breath, and The Lord loudly bellows:

“Well, that’s four out of six. We might as well go for the whole collection, what do you think, My Lord?”

Arthur takes a deep breath, he has to remember that there is politics involved here as well; he can hardly accuse the Lord of anything. But the arsehole was also clearly aware that this had been a power move on Arthur’s part, and it had completely backfired. Backing out now would... not look good.

The King gives another strained smile, gesturing Leon forward after glancing at a still blank Merlin. The manservant had already caught his breath. Damn.

Leon moves into the ring and settles into position in front of Merlin.

The dark haired servant furrows his brow, tilting his head the same way he had at Gwaine, as if he were assessing his opponent. After just a moment, he schools his face, and adjusts his feet slightly, his stance seeming a little stiffer than it had been previously.

If the others thought the last four fights were brutal... well... this was a whole new level. Camelot’s First Knight held nothing back, now confident in Merlin’s abilities (and his own, to stop at a moment’s notice if it looked like Merlin was about to get hurt), despite the fact that the man still wasn’t wearing any armour.

This match lasts a while, both of them swapping between defence and offence, the tide changing with almost every step. 

Both of them are tiring, Leon was still recovering from his spar with Arthur, and Merlin hadn’t exactly had much time to refresh between his other fights, even though he won them fairly easily.

But eventually, the match ended with a loud clang ringing out as Merlin’s sword flies from his grip.

At least... they thought it had ended, for about a split second, before they realise that Merlin looks completely unfazed.

Arthur glances to the Lord briefly, to see the man grinning with a mix of possessive pride and cruel hunger, before looking back at the ring, and widening his eyes in shock.

Merlin had quickly shaken out his hands, forming fists before darting in closer to Leon. The fact that Leon still has a strong grip on his sword doesn’t seem to bother Merlin at all, and he dodges the blade as he lands three quick hits to various weaknesses in the armour.

Leon takes a stumbled step back, surprised at the quick change in direction that the fight had gone, and that step is just enough to give Merlin space to swing a harsh elbow out to the side. The connection between his elbow, and Leon’s wrist, is sharp enough that the knight drops his sword automatically, and Merlin quickly turns his back on him, moving in close as he grabs his arm and throws him forward, over his shoulder.

Leon lands harshly on his back, winded slightly, and Merlin rolls to the side, coming up with the knight’s sword in his grip. He quickly spins around, and Leon finally catches a breath just to open his eyes and see Merlin stood above him, sword at his throat.

Leon stares up, completely shocked, hearing Gwaine mumble-

“Merlin just won a sword fight... without a fucking sword.”

-and Lancelot mutter:

“He beat Leon?”

The Lord is once again laughing, and the sound is beginning to grate on everyone’s sanity (everyone bar Merlin, who still looks blank and absent) as Merlin pulls Leon to his feet, wincing apologetically as the knight rubs his own back.

Leon puts on a strained, but fond smile, as Merlin hands him his sword, and mutters:

“Well done, Merlin, very impressive.”

Which had apparently been the wrong thing to say; Merlin flinches back, drops his expression once again into blankness, and steps away to pick up his own sword.

Leon frowns, walking towards the other knights and the Lord as Merlin deposits his sword back in the rack. His movements have lost the cat-like fluidity he had when fighting, and he’s back to being stiff and tense, eyes averted to the floor, jaw tightly clenched.

The knights look on in worry, still confused, but having mostly gotten over the novelty of Merlin being able to fight, and focussing more on how the hell he’d kept it a secret for so long. On top of trying to figure out how he’d learnt in the first place.

Lord Severin frowns sarcastically, tilting his head at Merlin as if he were a child, and saying:

“Aren’t you going to spar with your King, Merlin? I thought we were going for six out of six?”

Arthur frowns at him, looking between the Lord, who looks like a vicious beast hunting his prey, and Merlin, who’s looking a lot like that prey.

Merlin takes a deep, shaking breath at his questions, raising his head to meet the Lord’s gaze for the very first time. Arthur can see the fear in his eyes, and takes a subtle step towards him, to stand between Merlin and his hunter. Merlin glances at him quickly, almost fearfully, and gulps as he looks back at Severin, stuttering out:

“I... I won’t fight Arthur. Not for you, I... I don’t fight people for you anymore.”

The Lord tilts his head and smirks:

“My, how you’ve grown up. You never would have spoken to me like that as a child-”

Arthur can hear the other knights gasp, and is grateful when Leon holds Gwaine back as the man takes an aggressive step towards the Lord.

“-though I doubt King Arthur is as strict of a master as I was.”

Arthur’s frown deepens, but before he can say anything, Merlin snarls out:

“Arthur is nothing like you.”

His sudden change in demeanour takes Severin by surprise, but only for a second; his look of shock falling back into a condescending smirk once more:

“Hmm. Probably why you’ve gone so soft. Honestly Merlin, you were once the best, now you refuse to make your opponents bleed. Oh, how far you’ve fallen.”

Arthur has heard enough, and he steps in front of the Lord, between him and Merlin, and without breaking gazes with the vile man in front of him, loudly says:

“You’re dismissed for the afternoon, Merlin. Go grab some lunch, we’ll see you later.”

Arthur still doesn’t look back as he hears Merlin walk quickly towards the castle. The Lord gives Arthur an assessing gaze, smirk remaining on his face, before saying:

“It would seem that you’re quite... protective, of your staff, Your Majesty?”

Arthur gives him an incredibly strained smile, not even aware of how tightly he was gripping the hilt of the sword at his hip as he replies in a low voice:

“Hmm. Something like that. Well, we’ve solved our border issue, and you’ve seen my knights in action, so unless there’s anything else?”

Severin tilts his head, and raises an amused eyebrow, clearly understanding Arthur’s meaning:

“No, that’s all. Your city is wonderful, however I’ll be leaving very shortly I’m afraid, within the next few hours. I have men to reassure.”

With that, the Lord bows deeply, and stalks back towards the castle, thankfully taking a different route than Merlin. Normally Arthur would call him out on the rudeness and impropriety of turning one’s back on a King, and leaving without being dismissed, but at this point, Arthur just wants him gone.

The moment he disappears round a corner, the group lets out a collective sigh, all of them looking troubled. Elyan is the first to speak:

“I’ve travelled through Essetir, I’ve heard the rumours. Do you think that Merlin...?”

His question trails off, but it’s obvious what he was asking. Leon answers once he realises that Arthur isn’t going to say anything:

“He was sixteen when he came to Camelot. To have that sort of extensive, ingrained training... he would have to have been.”

All of them let out harsh breaths and Gwaine curses viciously under his breath, before grinding out:

“Permission to follow Severin back to Essetir and slaughter him somewhere in the woods, sire?”

All of them look expectantly at Arthur, but he still stares in the direction Merlin had walked as he sighs, and replies quietly:

“No. His men know he came here about some sort of issue. If he never makes it back, it doesn’t matter how well you set the scene, it’ll start a war-.”

Gwaine grumbles something about stupid rules under his breath, but relents. He definitely perks up slightly at Arthur’s next words:

“-However. If we ever come across him during any sort of conflict, feel free to use more force than technically necessary. For now... we need to find Merlin.-”

The others nod vigorously, and gather closer as Arthur continues, finally looking at them:

“-Leon, Elyan, go and find Gwen and Gaius, at this time they should be running medications around to the knights’ barracks, then meet back in the courtyard. We can’t split up to find Merlin, because we’d have no way to tell each other if someone found him, and I don’t want to risk leaving him alone because he might disappear again. We’ll have to search together, hopefully Gaius will have some sort of idea, because Gods know he won’t have gone to have lunch like I told him.”

Everyone murmurs their agreement, and without another word, they all head back up to the castle.

~

Leon and Elyan had found Gaius and Gwen exactly where Arthur said they would, and all eight of them are soon gathered in the courtyard.

The knights quickly explained what had happened. Gaius looked unsurprised, though increasingly worried with every word, and it was only the Physician’s genuine panic, and the dent in Lancelot’s armour that convinced Gwen this wasn’t some big prank.

Arthur looked at Gaius expectantly, and the older man thought for a moment. He sighed, before saying:

“When he first arrived in Camelot, Merlin had... a great many nightmares. The first time, I found him under his bed. The second and third times I found him curled up, hidden away in a cupboard that he had emptied out. After that, I reorganised so the cupboard was permanently empty. He hasn’t used it in years, but I never got round to refilling it. If... if I had to take a guess at where he is, I’d say there.”

Everyone nods and the group begins to make their way to the Physician’s chambers.

On the way, Gwaine expressed confusion at Merlin’s apparent love of tight spaces, but Leon quickly piped up:

“It’s a fairly common response to trauma, I’ve seen it in the occasional knight after particularly bloody battles. Some people become terrified of tight spaces-”

Gaius interrupted, informing the group that it was called “claustrophobia”.

“-but some people find it comforting. I guess Merlin likes feeling protected on all sides?”

The physician nodded grimly, and quietly informs the group that it might be best for only one or two people to approach Merlin, and for everyone else to stay back, so as to not overwhelm him. The knights reluctantly agreed, Percival announcing that Gaius and Lancelot were the obvious choices.

Lancelot protested:

“No, you should’ve seen his face when he saw the dent in my armour, it’ll just freak him out even more. Arthur should go, he’s the only one Merlin didn’t beat to a pulp.”

Gaius agreed, and Arthur nodded as well, though reluctantly.

They quickly found themselves outside the Physician’s chambers, the door left open slightly. With one last worried look to each other, Arthur pushes the door wider, and steps through, quietly calling Merlin’s name.

Gaius goes to point the cupboard out, but two quiet knocks from inside alert everyone to it first.

The knights and Gwen gather dutifully to one side of the room, still in sight of the cupboard should Merlin open the door, but far enough away so as to not crowd him.

Arthur sits himself down in front of the cupboard, and Gaius perches on a bench a few feet behind him.

The King whispers Merlin’s name again, and knocks gently on the wood. After a few seconds, the door opens, and Merlin slips out, sitting cross-legged on the floor, his knees just about brushing against Arthur’s.

He is once again blank-faced, and everyone’s eyes are drawn to his dagger being twirled and twisted skilfully between his fingers.

His eyes are focussed on the blade, and Arthur resists the urge to reach out and touch him, knowing that he was already on thin ice, being this close to him. He talks gently, his voice quiet, though still loud enough for the others to hear him:

“He’ll be gone by evening, and he won’t ever be coming back.”

Merlin nods, only slightly, but it’s enough to let Arthur know that he’s at least aware of his surroundings. The servant gulps before whispering:

“Don’t let him take me, please.”

Arthur bites his lip to stop himself from gasping, and slowly, ever so slowly, moves a hand to rest on Merlin’s knee. When Merlin doesn’t flinch away, Arthur squeezes his leg slightly before moving his hand away:

“Never. None of us would ever let him take you away, Merlin. You never have to see him again; you’re safe here, we’ll make sure of it.”

Merlin nods again, and Gaius hands him a goblet of water. He takes only a small sip before setting it aside, but it’s a good start; the Physician figured that Merlin almost certainly hadn’t eaten, slept, or drank enough in the last twenty-four hours.

After a minute or so of silence, Merlin replaces the dagger in its holster, and clasps his hands tightly in his lap, staring at his intertwined fingers.

He clears his throat slightly, and the gang wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or more worried, that he looked sad as opposed to blank, as he quietly speaks, still staring into his lap:

“Essetir has always been a fan of... of child soldiers. We thought we were safe in Ealdor because we were so far from the capital, but they came when I was seven. If I fought back or tried to escape, they threatened to burn the village down, so I just... did what I was told. The lessons were... we were trained against each other, except every match was to the death. Hundreds of children... killing other children, until only the best remained. Gods there was always so much blood.-”

Everyone bar Gaius had to make a concerted effort to hold in their tears and gasps of rage. Arthur took a deep breath and put his hand on the floor next to Merlin, not touching him, but an obvious offer of comfort if Merlin wanted to take it. Gwen grips her brother’s hand tightly, and Leon has to stop Gwaine from drawing blood from his palms with his own nails.

Merlin takes a deep, shaking breath, and puts his hand on the floor next to Arthur’s; not taking it, but just about brushing thumbs:

“-Children were... we were tactically useful. We were dressed in civilian clothing so we could slip in and out of places, killing people and stealing things and setting traps and fires, without being noticed. And if we were noticed, people would hesitate. They would hesitate just long enough for us to... to kill them.-”

Tears were falling freely from at least half the room’s occupants now, everyone else not far off.

Merlin moves his hand further towards Arthur’s, and he takes it without hesitation, running his thumb over Merlin’s knuckles softly.

The servant lifts his gaze falteringly, and Arthur gives him a weak smile, and nods as he prepares to continue:

“-I was good. I mean I was really good. I was given all the most difficult jobs; I had a higher body-count before I hit twelve summers than you do now. All the army generals, and the particularly rich Lords, and even... even Cenred when I got older, took an interest in me. They thought I was the best thing since the start of civilisation, because I was small and weak-looking, and I had a sad face and big blue eyes. My... targets, never wanted to defend themselves against me. They... they all died for their hesitation.-”

Tears overflow from Merlin and Arthur’s eyes at the same time, and The King can hear Gwen’s quiet crying behind him. He knew without a doubt that the knights would be crying too, he didn’t even need to look. All of them normally had such strong stomachs for violence but this... this was so much worse, and it was Merlin.

Merlin gulps, and his grip on Arthur’s hand tightens:

“-I escaped when I was fourteen. I don’t know why it took me that long, I guess I was just... lost. Lost in the orders and the missions and all the... all the death and blood. I was sent to burn a few buildings down and I just... set the flame and ran. There was nothing but ash left at the end and no one could find me so it was assumed I had gotten trapped inside and died. I wondered around in the wilderness for a while. I was pretty self sufficient by then but I didn’t want to go home, in case they went looking for me there. To be honest... I barely remembered where my home was,-”

His voice drops to almost a whisper, and the others have to strain to hear him:

“-I... I couldn’t even remember what my mum looked like.-”

His voice rose again as he glanced quickly at Gaius, and at the older man’s reassuring, though mournful, smile, he looked back at Arthur:

“-But I found my way home after about ten months. I figured out pretty quickly who my mum was, she barely let me go for weeks.-”

At this, Merlin thankfully lets out a weak chuckle, but the tears still fall, and he squeezes Arthur’s hand once more.

His faces falls back into despair as he continues, and everyone knows that there’s still bad to come:

“-It was... difficult. I didn’t trust anyone, I didn’t know how village life worked, how normal human interaction worked. I knew how to speak and read and write but... I had barely said a word in eight years so I stayed pretty much silent. It was... odd, to be allowed to speak freely, move freely. It was... terrifying. More so than what I had before, in some ways, because... I had nothing. There was nothing to me. Could you imagine how hard it was? To be fifteen and to have no personality? No likes or dislikes... no understanding of how the world outside of war works? Understanding nothing but how to be a good soldier?-”

Arthur shakes his head, lifting his other hand to rest gently on Merlin’s knee, and only dropping it there when the tearful man nodded slightly.

The crying from behind The King had slowed, but not stopped, and Merlin continued:

“-I suddenly had to find out who I was as a person, minus all the blood and death and missions. I had to figure out what was... socially acceptable. What to smile at and what to frown at. I was... a completely blank slate. I was barely even a person. Just killer’s hands with a body attached.-”

At that, Arthur gently took Merlin’s other hand as well, and made a point of stroking them softly.

“-Just after I turned sixteen, I was sent to Camelot. I’d just about figured out the basics of interacting with people, I could fake it pretty well at least, but being in Ealdor... I couldn’t relax. I just expected them to come for me again, that any day an Essetirian patrol would show up and drag me back and burn the village down. Officially, I was sent here to learn to be a Physician, to learn to heal instead of kill. Unofficially... no one said it, but everyone knew, I was sent away because I wasn’t coping. I needed a change of scenery, being in Ealdor was making things worse, and with Gaius here, I would at least have a little support.”

Arthur gives him a smile, but before he can say anything, Percival takes just a small step forward. He speaks in such a soft tone; strangers would think a man of his stature incapable of expressing:

“And now you have all of us, Merlin. No matter what.”

The others nod, and even Gwen wipes away her tears to give him the widest smile she’s currently capable of. Merlin looks at her and frowns slightly, tilting his head as if confused.

After a moment’s hesitation, Merlin gives her a weak smile in return. When he looks over to Gaius, the Physician nods approvingly, and his smile widens, just slightly.

With that, the whole group seems to come to the same conclusion, at the same time: that Merlin had essentially just asked if smiling was the right thing to do.

Gwen was crying, and clearly upset, and Merlin understood that. But then she smiled. He’s been away from his... military roots for long enough now that he knew the right response, genuinely felt the right response, but with everything being uprooted and old wounds being exposed, he needed the reassurance that his reaction had been socially correct.

Arthur clenches his jaw tightly, thinking back on the ten years worth of interactions he’d had with Merlin. How he’d always kept his cards close to his chest; was rarely outwardly angry, and got happy over the simplest things: flowers and books and fluffy animals. 

He thinks about how terrifying it must have been. To have to learn to be... well... human. To have to learn how to perfectly imitate human behaviour until he developed his behaviour.

Merlin takes another sip of his water before taking a deep breath. He looks to Gaius, determination in his face, and at the Physician’s hesitant smile, but firm nod, Merlin takes a deep breath and looks back to Arthur:

“There’s more.”

Arthur frowns, and tilts his head. What else could there possibly be? He hears one of the others take in a sharp breath, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Gaius look to the offending knight, and give another firm nod.

Arthur gulps, and nods at Merlin, encouraging the man to continue:

“I had to do all of that whilst... whilst hiding the magic I was born with,-”

A chorus of gasps go up around the room, and Arthur tenses slightly, sitting up straight, but not letting go of Merlin’s hand. The King sees the fear in Merlin’s eyes, and the way the goblet shakes in his hand, and gives him an uncertain smile. Arthur isn’t as surprised as he thinks he should be.

“-because if they found out, things would get worse. Cenred had enslaved sorcerers as well as children in his army. If he’d found out how... how powerful I was, even as a child, I never would’ve escaped.”

Arthur nods his head absent-mindedly, once again thinking on his ten years of friendship with Merlin. It... made sense. 

Gods how terrifying.... 

To have all of that happen as a child, to finally find your way home just to find that you aren’t safe there either. And THEN to be sent to Camelot of all places. How terrifying, to have the safest place for you to be, be the city where the violent persecution of your people originated.

Arthur clenched his jaw before looking back at Merlin. He still looks scared, and Arthur squeezes his hand, firmly saying:

“I swear to you Merlin, in the name of Camelot, that you will never have to be afraid again.”

Merlin’s eyes widen, and tears begin to fall again as he tilts his head. Arthur gives him a smile:

“Come on, Merls. How could I possibly believe magic to be evil when you were born with it? There’s not an evil bone in your body.”

Merlin’s face falls, and he looks as though he’s going to argue, but Arthur beats him to it, speaking before he can even open his mouth:

“And we all know it.”

Merlin looks up again, speechless and teary, as Leon steps forward:

“The laws will change, Merlin, and you’ll be safe and free. And if the council have a problem with that... well...-”

Leon looks back at the other knights, all looking as determined as he is. He grins, and wipes the remaining tears from his eyes as he looks back to the bewildered servant, grinning Physician, and fondly smiling King:

“-I’m sure we can persuade them.”

Merlin returns his grin, and Arthur is more than relieved to see that Merlin doesn’t have to double-check his reaction this time.

~

THE END!!

Wowie that was a ride. I honestly wasn’t even planning on writing a magic reveal in this but it just sorta... happened... oops

Same as always lads, you wanna write it all proper? Go for it, credit and tag me :)

[theshelbyclan]

Brotherly Discomfort

Summary: After ‘the talk’, your brothers are adamant to protect you, but you throw yet another curveball their way. Part 2 to Growing Pains

(Gif by @nofckingfighting​)  A/N: This is part 2 to my most popular fic Growing Pains and I used anon’s request: Could you do a Shelby sis story where she’s a lesbian and in love with a woman and her family doesn’t know. The family is trying to get her into an arranged marriage with a man and she can’t figure out how to tell them she’s a lesbian cause she feels they won’t except her? Sorry if that’s too much. Love your writing so much btw!! Thanks for this request babes, hope I did it justice :)  Words: 2387

*** “Right, Y/N, sit down,” Tommy sighed deeply and pointed at a single chair by the kitchen table, “We need to talk.” As you sat down, three brothers loomed over you. Tommy lit a cigarette like his life depended on it, Arthur couldn’t stand still if his life depended on it and John seemed to have forgotten what his life actually depended on, so he just stood there, unsure of everything. “We’re having another talk,” you stated. The last one, only a few days ago, was still fresh in your mind. 

“We are,” you brother confirmed. Arthur took off his cap like he was attending a funeral and stumbled, “We, uhm… We’ve had an idea.” “Christ,” Polly mumbled from behind her newspaper and you couldn’t agree more. “The thing is,” John finally spoke, “We’ve been worried after we… talked.” “Right,” you nodded, “Because of he subject of our conversation?” “It’s not just that!” your brother continued, with a slight frantic edge to his voice, “You’re growing up, but you’re still running around with the dogs at all hours. You won’t listen to anyone, do whatever you please…” Tommy continued where John faltered, “The truth is, Y/N, you’re getting to be too wild.” “Oh, fuck off, Tom,” and you got up with every intention to leave the room. “Sit down,” he said sternly, “We can’t have another Ada situation.” “Situation?” your eyebrows shot up, “What do you fucking mean by a fucking situation?” “The baby, Y/N,” Arthur explained. “I’m sorry,” you were boiling inside now, “but please explain: was the baby the problem or the man she had the baby with the problem? Or possibly, maybe, the fact that you three had no say in the matter?!” “That’s not the point,” John could feel this conversation wasn’t going as planned, “The thing is we couldn’t stop it!” Polly scoffed behind you, so at least you felt like someone was on your side. After a few moments of silence, your anger got the better of you and you slammed a hand down on the table in a very Tommy manner, “So what did you three fucking geniuses come up with?” Tommy pointed at you menacingly, “You fucking watch your mouth. You may be sixteen but I will still wash your mouth out with soap if you don’t mind that tongue…” “Minding my tongue…” you repeated, rolling your eyes, “Fine. So, what’s the plan? Arthur? John? Are we going back to the old ways and am I being married off to some good gypsy boy?” You turned around at Polly and laughed at your own joke, but when the room fell silent once again, you realised you’d hit the jackpot. Arthur had known you since the day you were born. He’d been twelve at the time and he could recognise every little expression on your face. Like when you were little, you used to scrunch up your nose just before you were about to cry for hunger. Or when you were sad, a small wobble in your chin just before the tears. Or when you were angry, a wrinkle in your forehead gave away the tantrum that was about to follow. This was happening right now. So he held up both hands and said, “Y/N, he’s from a good family…” “Nope,” you said, adamantly. “He is,” John confirmed gently, “and he has horses.” “Fucking no,” you shook your head. Tommy sighed, “We already made the deal.” “You promised your sister, just like that. That’s low, even coming from you, Thomas,” Polly’s cold voice sounded. If there was one person who could break his tough exterior, it was his aunt, “Well, what the fuck should we have done, Pol? Let her run wild, like you, eh?” But you stood up and walked over to Tommy. This was the man who had raised you, cared for you and disciplined you most of all, but right now, none of it mattered. So you slapped him hard, once. “Undo it Tommy,” you hissed, “Undo it or I’ll fucking cut you.” In the background you could hear Arthur mumble at once, “Okay, we’ll undo it…” “Give me one good reason,” your brother’s face, now only inches away, remained emotionless. You sighed and decided to throw all caution to the wind. “Anna,” you said, calmly. “What?” John asked immediately. So you repeated, voice raised, “Anna!” Three frowning brother stared at you, not understanding at all. “Remember when you asked me what hisname was, last week?” you called out exasperated. “’John’, wasn’t it?” Arthur looked at you. “No, it wasn’t fucking ‘John’, Arthur, she just said so,” John explained to his oldest brother. Tommy lit another cigarette, “What’s your point, Y/N?” You pointed at your neck where the nearly faded hickey could still be seen if you knew, “The name of the girl who gave me this is Anna.” “That would be bloody fantastic actually, because we wouldn’t have to worry anymore about a baby situation…” John squinted, “I think she’s serious…” “Oooooh fuck…” Arthur sighed, suddenly connecting the dots; “We’ve been keeping an eye on the wrong fucking people, John.” But John burst out laughing, “Didn’t see that one coming, did you, Tommy?” Slowly, your brother sat down and started smoking his second cigarette, “Pol, contact Madame Ross, tell her the wedding is off.” But Aunt Polly was having none of it, “You got us into this mess, you can fix it.” And then fear settled suddenly into the pit of your stomach. You looked at Tommy and asked softly, “Are you mad?” “Nope,” he said, head dropped down into his hands. “Disappointed?” “No, I’m not disappointed. But you should’ve told us, eh?” You shrugged, “Didn’t think you’d… approve.” “Why?” John asked, “We don’t care that you like women.” And all the love you had in you went out to your brother in that very moment. “Y/N,” Arthur started and he looked so angry that uncertainty took over again, “Why the fuck did you not tell us before we… explained?” “Because it was hilarious,” Polly commented unhelpfully. John started giggling again, “Fucking unnecessary is what it was.” “Arthur?” you asked, fear seeping into your voice. He sighed deeply, fidgeting with his hat, “It’s not the women, Y/N, I don’t care about that. It’s you and… anyone really. I don’t like the idea of you with anyone. Remember when she used to play with the coals, remember John?” “Yeah, I remember,” John smiled. “Black like the night she’d be!” Arthur remembered out loud, “Sweet and innocent.” “Well, she’s not anymore,” Polly sipped her tea. “I fucking see that and I don’t like it,” you eldest brother’s smile faded quickly. “Right,” Tommy raised his head again, “Guess we need to change our approach.” “There really no need…” you started. But he continued, ignoring you, “So you like girls, eh?” “Yep,” you confirmed meekly. “Only girls?” You nodded, “Well, one in particular.” Arthur looked at Tommy like he would have all the answers, “Now what, Tom?” You could now start to see the humour in all of it. Your brothers’ faces were an absolute picture! John could hardly contain his laughter, Tommy looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and Arthur was filled with the absolute dread at another conversation like the one you had last week. “Oh, come on!” John called out, “I’m sure we could offer some advice!” He winked at you and a smile spread across your face. “Yeah!” you said, “I mean you all like women, right? This should be even easier!” “It’s not,” Arthur muttered. “I like women,” John said to no one in particular. “What about you, Tommy?” you asked your brother sweetly. But he just rolled his eyes and continued smoking. A part of you wanted to joke about him and Alfie, but you decided against it at the last second. “Horses?” you ventured, “Tommy, any advice on this with the famous analogy of horses? “Horses don’t really…” he waved a hand, coughed and stopped talking all together. “Well, at least you don’t have to be afraid of her getting pregnant,” John said to Arthur, who was as white as a sheet now. “That’s right,” he replied in a low voice, “but that’s my entire speech out the window, because there’s no waiting ‘till bloody marriage either…” “Well,” you tried to comfort your older brother, “You did offer me some good advice the last time, Arthur. You said there was no hurry and to not do it unless I wanted to?” “Right! I did say that. That, yes, it still stands!” Arthur looked around the kitchen triumphantly. “And John,” you continued, “you said to not put anything in my mouth unless I wanted to. Sound advice that was, now more than ever!” “Fucking hell,” Arthur crumbled again, “I can’t do this again. Tom, say something.” “Women….” Tommy started off vaguely waving his cigarette around, “they want love.” “We do.” “And they always want to take things slow.” “Can you imagine?” John interrupted, “Two women together? Must take ages…” “You’d be surprised…” you started, but when you saw your other brothers’ faces, you shut your mouth quickly. Tommy glared daggers at his brother and then turned to you, “How did you become an expert all of a sudden, eh?” “Talked to Ada,” you shrugged. “You talked to Ada…” he repeated lowly and threw his head back. “Wait,” John said suddenly, “Is this why you hate wearing dresses?” “Or why you drink whiskey like a man?” Arthur added, carefully. “That’s just because she’s a Shelby,” Polly explained matter-of-factly. “Or why you never sit on chairs?” John continued, “Or hang out at the factory all the time! Or why you always talk about votes for women…” You held up a hand to stop your brother, “None of that has anything to do with me liking women, John. That’s just… me.” “So what does have to do with you liking women?” your other brother asked in his typical low voice. “Me liking women…?” “So how does it work exactly?” John furrowed his brows, “Like, without… a man there?” “John,” Arthur warned him with a grumble. “Well, both people are enjoying themselves, for starters…” you replied in earnest. “Fucking hell,” the eldest interrupted, “She’s turning into Ada, she bloody is.” “Have you never seen two women together, Arthur?” you asked innocently, “Not even in London?” “They’re all mad bastards down in London, Y/N, the things I’ve seen there…” “Well, imagine me now.” Tommy had just taken a sip of his whiskey and practically choked on the spot, “That’s fucking it. You’re not to go near the BSA again!” “Why?” you called out, “It’s not like all the women in the world are gathered at the BSA!” “I will not have you behaving,” he struggled to find the words but finally spit, “like those fucking women in London!” “Don’t worry, Tommy,” you tried to comfort him, “I’m still… we haven’t actually…” “Oh, thank God,” Arthur sank down in his chair. “Well, when you do, just be gentle, alright?” John offered some advice, “And light a candle! Women love candles.” “Candles, check,” you noted. Tommy downed his whiskey, recomposed himself and added, “And make sure they’re in the mood first…” “To get ‘happy’,” you said, “like Arthur said last time,” “Yes,” he sighed deeply.

“Cut your nails,” John said out of the blue, “Esme told me.”

Arthur turned to his brother, “What the bloody hell do nails have to do with anything?”

“Well, it’s for when you…”

But Tommy silenced you with a gesture, “Please, Y/N, don’t.”

“Right,” and the quiet returned in the small kitchen. Well, at least now they knew, so that terrifying bit was out of the way. Apart from that, you weren’t quite sure if this was going great, because your brothers seemed absolutely petrified and slightly annoyed at your sudden revelation. Maybe it would’ve been better if you hadn’t told them. Then again, marrying a ‘good gypsy boy’ was the last thing you wanted in life. So maybe you could lighten the mood just a little.

“I have a better idea,” a sudden glint came into your eyes, “How about I offer all of you some advice!” The tables had turned already and this couldn’t possibly get any more awkward.

“Nope,” Arthur stood up and promptly marched out of the kitchen, talking to himself, “I can’t. That’s my baby sister and I just fucking can’t...”

“Arthur, where are you going?” Polly called after him, mirth clearly audible in her voice. And he replied, “I’m going to find this Anna, make sure she’s from a good family…” And then he was gone.

Tommy looked from you to Polly for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and mumbled something about business. Polly smirked at you and his face was full of annoyance at it all, “I need to get back to Dangerous. The horse. Tell me some other time, eh?”

“Tommy,” you asked carefully, “Are you sure you’re not mad about me liking women?”

“Princess, I honestly don’t give a fuck who you like,” he said, while putting on his coat and hat, “I just want to meet this Anna and if she hurts you, I’ll still kill her. None of that has changed, eh?”

This was strangely comforting to you.

And just as you were about to offer some unwanted advice, he left the kitchen in a hurry and called over his shoulder, “If you have any questions, Ada apparently has all the fucking answers!”

So you turned to your aunt, “That went well, didn’t it?”

“At least the wedding’s off.”

“Thank fuck,” you smirked and Polly smiled at you encouragingly, “You don’t mind, Aunt Pol, do you?”

“I’m with Tommy,” she said returning to her stern voice, “The fact that it’s a woman won’t make me hesitate.”

“Right,” you nodded, “She makes me happy, though.”

“Good,” Aunt Polly continued to read the newspaper, “Bring her over for tea. Let’s make the boys really uncomfortable, shall we?”

Still laughing, you stood up with the intention of getting on with your homework, when you suddenly noticed John was still sitting on the chair in the back of the kitchen.

“What do you want?” you asked him bluntly.

“I’m waiting,” he said, hands upturned, “You promised me some advice, remember?”

***

Masterlist

[writings-of-a-british-fangirl]

Everything Has Changed [Zuko x Reader]

Title: Everything Has Changed Summary: Even after returning to the Fire Nation, you weren't happy. Zuko on the other hand seemed to be having a lot better time. Maybe, he would be better off without you here, ruining his happiness. Warnings: A little bit of angst? Request: N/A

A/N: This wasn't requested, but I've been rewatching ATLA recently because it's been added onto Netflix and I'm feeling inspired <3

PART 1: EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED PART 2: CHANGE IS GOOD PART 3: CHANGING SPIRITS PART 4: A HEART OF CHANGE

Zuko~Everything Has Changed

You'd been Zuko's best friend for as long as you could remember. And, although the friendship hadn't always been easy -the Prince had quite a famous temper- you couldn't even imagine a world in which you weren't friends. This is why the inner turmoil you were feeling inside was making you feel all the more guilty.

     You had returned back to the Fire Nation when Zuko had reclaimed his honour by fighting the Avatar along with his sister, Azula. Since you didn’t side with the Avatar and the 'traitor' Iroh, you'd been welcomed back with open arms. However, it wasn't quite the life you were expecting. You were still happy for Zuko! Of course- this is what he'd always wanted. In fact, you'd always supported Zuko in his journey to find the Avatar but something about this felt wrong. Especially since Aang had helped Zuko's uncle, Iroh, to find and rescue Zuko from the caves under Ba Sing Sai.

     So, now you were stuck in a very difficult position.

    It had almost been a month since you and Zuko had returned to the Fire Nation, and yet you'd barely spoken a word to each other. Once, you had felt like he was the only soul in the universe that understood you completely… And, now? It felt like you didn’t even know him. He'd been far too busy celebrating the fact he was now recognised as the Crown Prince. You'd also noticed that he'd been spending more time with Mai- along with Azula and Ty Lee.

    That didn’t sit right with you. As long as you live, you promised yourself you would never trust Azula. Where she was involved, it meant trouble. She was the type of person that always had an ulterior motive- even when there didn't seem a need for one.

     And, as for Ty Lee and Mai, you just saw them as Azula's attack dogs. Not that she needed help fighting people, but you couldn't exactly call them her friends. Azula didn't have friends. That required her to care about other people. The only way she knew how to relate to people was through fear. Yet another reason you found to keep as far away from her as possible.

     Zuko seemed to be doing the same to you. Maybe him and Azula were more alike than you thought.

     You had gone down to the Royal Gardens for some peace. As much as the 'Hero's Welcome' was a good ego booster, it wasn't good for the soul. And, right now you were doing some serious soul searching. You'd helped the Fire Nation. You'd fought the Avatar. You should feel good. Right? Except you didn’t, you felt awful. When Aang was shot down, all you could see was a child. A 12 year old kid who hadn't chosen this role in the world. Who was just trying to survive. Who was trying to help the universe.

     Sighing, you put your head in your hands. What had you done? What had Zuko done? You thought of Uncle Iroh… How you had betrayed him. You told yourself that you were doing it to survive, that you couldn’t survive a Fire Nation Prison, but the truth was that you were a coward. A coward who couldn’t do the right thing.

     You hadn’t realised you had started crying until your tears had slipped down your cheeks. Quickly, you wiped them away. Crying was weakness.

     Your attention was caught by a small turtle duck quacking loudly. He appeared to be suck in a weed within the pond, meaning he was separated from his family. You could sense his distress from where you sat. Gently, you moved to the little creature, and slowly removed the weeds from around the turtle duck. Hurriedly, he swam to his mother, who welcomed him immediately. You watched the family of ducks swim happily away. Together. Loved.

     "Why can't I just be like you, little turtle duck?" you murmur to yourself, "You seem so happy. I wish I could feel like that again."

    It was only then you noticed how dark it had gotten. It was best to return to your room before the guards started asking questions- and 'suggesting' you return to safety. Despite being welcome in the palace, it felt more like a prison.

   What you hadn't realised while you had been sat in the gardens, was that you hadn't entirely been alone. Zuko had walked past the entrance to the caught yard and you had caught his eye. At first he saw a glimmer of his mother sitting by the pond. She had always loved animals, especially feeding the turtle ducks. But then his vision cleared and he had seen you. It made his heart sink. He hadn't spoken to you in weeks. He didn't entirely know why…

     Zuko watched you disappear out of the garden and down the corridor… Away from him.

     He hated to admit it but being back in the Fire Nation wasn't bringing him the happiness he thought it would. His honour had technically been restored and yet he was feeling more ashamed than ever.

     Part of him wanted to follow you; the other half knew he should visit Mai as he had promised earlier. The latter part of him won, but he couldn't help but look back in your direction. As soon as he reached Mai's room, he knocked softly.

     "Hey, what took you so long?" Mai asked, dragging him into the room, "I thought you'd never show up."

     "Ah," Zuko let out, "I didn’t- I just got caught up. That's all."

     "Whatever," Mai smiled.

     As much as Zuko wanted to enjoy his girlfriend's company, you were still nagging on his mind. Even when Mai was speaking, he was still thinking back to you. How sad you looked. How guilty he felt about ignoring you. Mai started noticing how distant Zuko was being.

    "Okay, what's going on?"

     "Nothing," Zuko said defensively.

    "What's with you? You don’t have to snap at me. I was just asking a question," Mai replied, leaning away and folding her arms.

     Zuko sighed.

    "I'm sorry. I'm just tired," he said, "I need to go. We'll talk tomorrow."

     Mai attempted to reply but Zuko was gone.

---

You'd been inside your head for the past hour. It was as if everything was slowly coming together. You knew what you had to do now. It wouldn’t be easy- but when was the right thing to do ever easy? Some part of you broke knowing you'd have to leave Zuko behind but in the end you couldn't let him control your destiny- not when he seemed to want no part in your future.  

     You began packing as quickly as you could. Throwing a few items of clothing into a bag as well as some medicine, basic hygiene products and a blanket. You didn't know where you were going but you knew you had to get out.

     Just as you finished packing, you heard a knocking at the door.

    "Hello?" you reply after a moment of hesitation.

    Zuko hesitated.

    "Who's there?" you replied, walking closer to the door.

    With one hand you slowly began opening the door, with the other you had a small flame building. It never hurt to take a precaution when living in a place like the Fire Nation.

    You fully opened the door and saw Zuko: you were stunned for a moment.

    "Zuko?" you asked.

    Gently, you let your hand drop, and the flame went out with it. You opened the door and walked back into your room, leaving it open to Zuko whether he was going to follow or not. He was surprised at your lack of response. He was expecting you to cry at him or yell at him, but there was nothing.

    He followed you into your room and shut the door behind you.

    "Don't you want to know why I'm here?" Zuko asks.

    "I don't think it's going to matter much longer," you tell him, "I don't think anything you're about to say is going to matter much longer, Prince Zuko."

    "Prince Zuko?" he repeated, "You've never called me that. Not even when we were kids."

    "Yeah, well things have changed since then."

    "For the better!" Zuko insisted, "You're telling me you preferred it when we were sailing in the frozen South Pole for weeks at a time than being a war hero in your own nation? You can't be serious?"

     "Maybe I did."

    "You can't be serious! I- We were miserable!"

   "Maybe you were! I wasn't!" you yelled at him, walking closer to him, "I had my best friend! I don't even know who you are anymore! You haven't spoken to me in weeks!"

   "Y/N, I-"

    "-No! Don't Y/N me!" you snapped at him, pressing a finer to his chest, "I was there for you. I never stopped believing in you. I never left your side. But, the moment you get back here, the moment you have your precious honour back, you forget I even exist!"

   Zuko was silent.

   "And, the saddest part is that I waited for you," you murmured, all your anger gone, "I waited. I thought maybe you're just busy, off doing Prince stuff. But, then I saw you with Mai. Even Azula. And, I knew something had changed. I thought I was your friend; that we had a friendship that was unbreakable. But, now I see you were just using me as a replacement. As a place holder."

   "No," Zuko cried out, "That's not true."

   You turned away, trying not to let him see your tears building.

   "Then tell me why I feel this way. A stranger in my own nation. A prisoner in my own nation."

   "I'm sorry… I didn't think-"

   "-No you didn't think."

   Zuko tried to reach out towards you. And, then he noticed your bag on your bed. It was full and there was items strewn around your room. Something was going on.

   "Y/N, what are you doing? What do you mean it's not going to matter anymore?"

  "I'm leaving."

   "You can't."

   "I have to."

   "You can't leave me here, please," Zuko pleaded.

   "You'll be just fine," you sadly smiled, "You haven't needed me since you got back. I'm sure you won't even notice I'm gone."

    "That's not true!" Zuko argued.

   "Then what is the truth?"

   "The reason… The reason I couldn’t talk to you… Is because every time I looked at you I was remined of that day in Ba Sing Sei," Zuko murmured, "I… I've realised I made the wrong decision that day. Looking at you just reminded me I didn't need to be in the Fire Nation to be home. I just needed you."

   "Oh, Zuko."

   "I'm sorry," he murmured, "I truly am. I'll do anything to make it up to you. Anything."

   "Leave with me."

   "I want to leave," Zuko promised, "But it needs to be the right time. The solstice."

   "I'll wait," you agreed, "But promise me something."

   "Anything."

   "Promise me things will be different this time. I'm tired of fighting against the world's last hope. I'm tired of not doing the right thing."

   "I know my destiny now. My uncle helped me see the light," Zuko said quietly, "I know what I must do now. I'm going to find the Avatar, and I'm going to help him defeat the Fire Lord."

   "Not 'I'. We. I'm coming with you."

    Zuko nodded at you. And, for the first time in what felt like forever he had hope.

[triptuckers]

All of you - Bucky Barnes

Request: nope Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader Summary:  Bucky is incredibly lucky to have someone who is gentle with him. Warnings: mentions of (bucky’s) trauma, bucky being a lil sad :( Word count:  1.3K A/N: I treated myself to rewatching tws and someone give bucky A HUG right now!! I love him so I wrote this. enjoy! :)

It’s soft. 

Bucky wakes up and the trail of fingertips on his chest is soft. He’s not used to it. He’s never been touched like this. With care, with love, with hesitation. It was always harsh, and painful.

H.Y.D.R.A., Zola, countless scientists and doctors. They were never gentle. They cut him and jabbed him with their fingers and medial instruments.

H.Y.D.R.A. never saw him as a human being. All they could see was the potential of a super soldier. He was an experiment, a tool in their desires to spread fear and chaos and to create a war. To H.Y.D.R.A., Bucky was a mere pawn in their game. He was never a human to them.

They were never gentle with him. But you are.

Your fingertips are soft. They caress the skin on his chest. They slowly draw random figures on his stomach. Trailing up and down. Though he’s awake now, Bucky keeps his eyes closed. He wants to linger in the moment and your touch for a little while longer. 

He was hesitant, at first. He’d always had trouble trusting people and opening up to them. When you met him, he was scared. You didn’t blame him. You knew his story, what he’d been through, what they’d done to him. You understood that he was anxious, frightened. You would feel the same way if it were you.

And so you were patient. You gave him all the time he needed. And it paid off.

With time, Bucky started to trust you more. The process was slow, and there had been some set backs when you accidentally moved too fast or asked him about something he wasn’t ready to talk about.

But you never shut him out. You never left him. You remained patient. You remained gentle, loving and soft. And Bucky was grateful.

No matter how many times Bucky told you he didn’t deserve you, that you’d be better off with someone who could give you a normal life, you never left. You promised him you’d stay.

Your fingers are soft.

Bucky finally opens his eyes and looks over to his side. You’re looking at him with a faint smile on your face.

You can’t believe how beautiful he is. You know he doesn’t believe you. You’ve spend every day since you met him trying to get him to see the truth. But he never does.

‘You’re beautiful.’ you whisper.

‘Good morning to you too.’ he whispers back.

You’re leaning on your hand, looking down at him. your fingers move from his chest to his cheek.

‘Your fingers are soft.’ Bucky states, making you chuckle. ‘Yeah?’ you say, and he nods. ‘It’s different.’ he says. ‘I’m not used to it.’

You’re silent as you look at him. You know the tone in his voice. You only hear it when it’s early in the morning or late at night. Or when it’s a rainy day and you’re cuddling up next to him on the couch. Or when it’s a sunny day and you’re in the garden, soaking up the sun.

It’s the tone he always speaks in when he talks about his past. 

You’ve learned how to recognise the signs, and know what to do. So you’re silent, and wait for him to continue speaking.

‘They were always harsh.’ says Bucky softly. ‘Not like you. You’re gentle. They didn’t care. No one did. They didn’t care how uncomfortable I was or how much pain they caused me. I was always their experiment, their puppet, their winter soldier.’

Bucky closes his eyes and leans into your touch. You slowly stroke his cheek with your thumb.

‘I hated it.’ he sighs softly.

‘I know you did.’ you whisper. ‘But you don’t have to go back to that. Ever. And I know you still have nightmares and flashbacks, and I don’t think they’ll ever leave. But I won’t leave either. It’ll never go away, but you can learn how to live with the memories. I’ll help you.’

‘You’re amazing.’ he mumbles.

‘Do you have plans for today?’ you ask him.

‘Just a training session with sam.’ says Bucky. ‘But not until after lunch.’ ‘Good.’ you say.  ‘Why, do you have any plans?’ he asks.

‘No, but I just wanted a morning with you before you run off doing god knows what again.’ you say, earning a soft chuckle from him. 

Bucky reaches out to pull you closer. You shiver a bit when his metal hand touches your skin. Luckily, you’ve gotten used to the material. When you first met him, his metal arm was another barrier you had to break.

He hated the thing. Though it took him a while to actually admit this to you out loud, you’d noticed his behaviour. The looks he gave himself in the morning when he saw himself in the mirror. He’d trail his fingers over the line where his own flesh met the cold material.

You never touched his arm in the beginning. Afraid it would be a bridge too far, that it would take you back to when you first met, and you had to earn his trust all over again.

The first time you actually touched his arm, you wasn’t aware he was awake. It was late and you thought he’d fallen asleep. You knew he didn’t like his arm, especially the red star on his shoulder. It reminded him too much of the horrors of his past. So, when you thought he was asleep, you took out a marker and drew on the star, covering it. You put lines around the circle, creating a sun. 

When Bucky realised what you’d done, he was speechless. You thought you had gone too far and you immediately started apologising, telling him you’d wash it off but his hands caught ahold of yours as he stopped your rambling.

He told you he didn’t mind. That you didn’t need to apologise. That it was okay and he even liked it a bit.

After the encounter, it became a habit of yours to draw a sun on his shoulder whenever he was feeling stressed or anxious. It was your way to tell him without words it was going to be okay.

‘A morning with you sounds nice.’ says Bucky as you rest your head on his bare chest.

‘Unless Natasha comes bursting in again, we’ve got the whole morning to ourselves.’ you say.

The two of you lay in silence for a while. You watch the sun slowly rise. While being safely tucked away in Bucky’s arms, you almost fall asleep again, but his voice prevents you from doing so.

‘I never thanked you, you know?’ he says.

‘For what?’ you mumble, feeling your eyes get heavier.

‘For seeing me as a human being, and not a soldier or some sort of scientific experiment.’ he says.

‘You don’t need to thank me for that.’ you say. ‘I just tell you what I see, that’s all. And I don’t see a soldier or experiment, I just see a beautiful and kind hearted man.’

‘Still, you could have easily hated me.’ says Bucky softly.

‘But i don’t.’ you say, lifting your head so you can look at him. ‘It’s so much easier to hate someone than to love them. Hate is a strong emotion, it can quickly consume you without you even realising it. But love, on the other hand, is complicated. It takes bravery to show another human all of you. To allow them inside your head. Lovers are far more courageous than people who hate.’

‘I’m lucky you love me.’ says Bucky. ‘I’m so incredibly lucky.’

You smile and lean in to kiss him. ‘I love you.’ you whisper against his lip, making him smile. ‘I love all of you, Bucky.’ you say.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Jo

[silversatin2105]

Shaman king Fan fic : A Case of mistaken Identity

This fic has two ends to read to the bottom, This covers a scenario between a Fem- Reader deciding their future list of characters featured below.

Yoh Asakura

Hao Asakura

Anna Kyoyama / Asakura

Fem- Reader

Now with that out of the way enjoy the fic

Main scenario: The ribbon of Destiny

You had been friends with Yoh for four months, Ever since you met him on monument hill one fateful night as you were there to attend to the grave of one of your ancestors, It would have been a brief conversation until you said “By the way can you see that samurai” with those words Yoh’s interest was peeked, For the rest of the night Yoh and you talked He explained that he was a shaman and the samurai explained that he was Amidamaru who had became Yoh’s spirit ally when their goals aligned.

You agreed to meet with Yoh on a nightly basis and so you did, It was a month into these evening meet ups that you noticed you were beginning to have feelings for him however you knew about Anna and she knew about you, Anna did not like these meet ups I mean she really didn’t like them as she punished Yoh for meeting up with you like that, Even though he assured her that it wasn’t like that.

Everything came to a head the night after the comet of destiny appeared, Anna caught you confessing your feelings to Manta, The next thing you felt was the sharp sting of a hand across your cheek and the harsh words that were spoken “I forbid you from seeing Yoh ever again, I will let you go with just this but if you show your face here again I will make sure you suffer in your afterlife”

With these harsh words you broke into tears, Nothing could console you and you knew this would be the only outcome for not dampening these feelings, you KNEW that Yoh and Anna were meant to be but stupidly you held up hope that he would reciprocate those feelings, After that you dropped out of the school you all attended and started attending a school in your district, Any spirits you made friends with in your brief moments in Yoh’s life you ignored and for the most part you returned to the world you came from.

Half a month had passed since you had saw Yoh and you were back to your old life, You studied in your free time for your finals and you focused yourself on getting into a good college as you went back to your primary goal of getting a degree in (Insert what you want to do here), It was late as you left cram school and you knew it was your turn to pick up ingredients for the evening meal as you left the store with meat and rice for the dinner you spot a familiar face, It couldn’t be, Yoh ?

Without a moments thought you ran towards the familiar figure “Yoh, are you alright?, Its been awhi” your words were cut short as you dawned on your mistake, The person in front of you did indeed look like your one time crush but he was different, You could not see warmth in his face and as you looked into his face you noticed a deep sadness, Your thoughts trailed on as you had noticed you hadn’t spoke since the hick up you only snapped back when the figure in front of you began to speak.

“Hello miss you seem to have spaced out there, Are you okay?” He enquired as you stepped back from him; you collected your self and did a bow of apology.

“I’m sorry you look a lot like someone I used to know” You managed to speak out, your face turning red as you hid in the folds of your scarf, Something must have amused the familiar stranger as he burst into a mocking laugh, He gripped his sides as he continued to laugh.

“Wow the people in this country really are polite” He remarked whilst regaining his composure, Soon after he stopped laughing he introduced himself as Hao, The future king , this statement you found strange but you put it to the back of your mind as one of his eccentricities.

He asked you to meet him tomorrow night at the same time to which you agreed with caution, You made your way home to which you were scolded for being back late after your apologies and a bath you went to bed with so many questions on your mind.

Throughout the next day you couldn’t focus at school, Were you actually going to meet up with that Hao guy or were you going to go straight home and forget your encounter with him, Every hour that passed you flitted between your going and your not going with one final decision and out of actual curiosity you agreed to meet up with Hao.

Walking thought the darkening streets you found your way back to where just a day ago you met Hao, He waited there for you and offered you a sat by him, After a brief conversation in which you asked him the important questions of why he asked to meet you and what was his intentions he stood up and brushed himself off.

“If you want to know, Walk with me” Hao spoke out whilst walking away from you as you stood to follow and within no time the streets turned into woodland, If you weren’t curious about what he had to offer, This would be the part where you would book it and go home but still your curiosity still had a hold on you.

After walking for what felt like an hour you both came to a clearing that was far from town, Hao stopped walking and turned to face you with an eyebrow raised as he crossed his arms and sat on the floor.

“Before I tell you what I have to say I must find out if I can trust you, What are your intentions with the one called Yoh” He questioned in a tone that you knew if you answered with anything less that the truth would lead to dire consequences.

“I bare Yoh no ill will, I used to have feelings for him but I knew that it was stupid to, we have not spoke since his fiancé told me to back off, I went back to my life and that’s, that” you answered looking Hao dead in the eye, Your heart pounding in fear of what could happen, Its true that he looked like Yoh but you could sense he was a different kind of person, With Yoh you knew he’d never hurt you but with this person you were sure he’d kill you if you put a toe out of line.

“I see, So you have no ties to him at this moment in time” He asked.

“No like I said I have not seen him since Anna scolded me” You replied.

Hao then stood up and paced around looking deep in thought “Usually id kill any outsider that would be threat to my plans, But I find you interesting so ill let you live, Spirit of fire, this girl isn’t to be touched” you wondered what he meant with that, You were about to enquire when before you appeared to be a red demon cloaked in flames offering its hand to Hao.

“Now if you wish to know more, Meet me here tomorrow night If not go back to your life and I assure you we will not meet again” Hao remarked before disappearing from your sight, You found your way back to town and went home to mull things over.

I could not decide on what the reader would decide so to end the argument I will dedicate a page each to 2 sub scenarios 1 in which the reader doesn’t follow Hao and 1 where she does and you can decide which 1 you like the best

Scenario diverge: Plume of white Daisies.

(This scenario covers the reader’s choice in remaining at home and the results of this action)

There was no way you could go with him, Hao may have spared your life but that did not mean you owed him anything, You owed it to yourself to put this whole incident behind you and be content that for a brief time in your life you were a minor character in something important.

The next day at school all who knew you were shocked out of speaking, You walked into class and took your seat as one of your classmates broke the silence.

“why did you cut your hair? (insert name),I thought you were growing it” they asked as you looked at them with a warm smile and replied whilst opening your text book.

“I Just fancied a change of pace”

Years passed and the brief time you spent as part of the shaman world had faded from your mind, You were now an adult and now worked in the field of your dreams and were engaged to your S/O who you met whilst studying for your (insert field) Degree, You no longer lived in your hometown as you had to go where the work was however you returned every summer and winter for a week.

During one of your returns to your hometown you decided to visit the grave of your ancestor, not much had changed since your last visit there other than the fact that the grave looked to be attended to frequently and that Daises had began to grow upon the grave.

As you left the old graveyard, You spot a familiar face in the distance approaching a group of people, You came to recognise the tallest one as your long lost school crush and the other as you presumed right now wife, A little boy clings to the legs of his mother.

With a slight nod to them both you make your way back to your parents home, Petals of daises fill the air as you walk towards the future.

End Scene

Scenario Diverge: Scent of hibiscus

(this covers the readers choice to follow Hao and the results of this action)

The morning after you were given the ultimatum from Hao, whether to remain in your world or follow him into the dangerous world of shamans and spirit fight, your mind was made up, You would follow Hao and learn what you could of the world he lives in.

It was early morning as you checked downstairs to make sure the house was empty, It was as your parents had left for work, You began packing a bag of the things you thought you would need and you wrote letters to your loved ones explaining that you were okay and that you didn’t want to be found.

When night approached you stood where Hao told you to meet him, you held you packed bag on one shoulder as you paced waiting for him hoping it wasn’t a trick, hoping that you didn’t need to go home and awkwardly say that your letters were a prank.

“Ahh you showed up, Right choice” You heard a familiar voice say as you turned to face Hao.

“Yes I did now show me what’s to be done”

You spoke out before you both disappeared into the night.

Years had started to pass, In that time you had trained under the watch of Hao and had become his Itako, You both travelled from place to place brining spirits (usually by force) to his side, You did go home from time to time al though meet ups with your family usually ended in arguments, Your parents accused Hao of derailing your path to success and that you could have been more than you are right now.

You didn’t care, You never regretted your actions not even when Yoh looked at you with suspicion when he saw you at the tournament nor when Anna accosted you intending to tell you the truth, The shock on her face was priceless when you told her you knew and didn’t care.

one night whilst sitting down for a cup of tea, you and Hao spoke of the past and the night you both met, he joked of your embarrassment before giving you a bouquet of aromatic hibiscus that to your shock had a ruby ring on one stem, that moment he got down on his knee and smirked.

“Well will you be my queen?”

“You need not ask my king”

End Scene

[bangtansocean]

Letters: Part 02

Synopsis: Good things never last long, and unfortunately, his promises were a little too good to be true.

⏤𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: taehyung x reader // slight yoongi x reader

⏤ au: [Historical Fiction, soulmates au]

⏤𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: Heavy Angst, smut, fluff

⏤𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: mature content ahead [18+]: Sex talk, Oral sex (f), finger fucking, dirty talking, voyeurism, nude exposure, hints of praise kink, nipple play, saliva play, pregnancy talk, masturbation (f & m), self induced orgasm.

word count: 2.5K

Chapters: 01 l 02 l 03

click here to go back to master list

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“Oh my God, Tae,” you cry as your hands grip his soft black hair tighter. His tongue dragging long licks between your folds repeatedly. He stops right over your clit, sucking and flicking your sensitive bud with his tongue in between moans.

“Just like that princess, let me hear how good I make you feel.” He gives your clit one more kiss before he lightly blows on it, the sudden cold air sending shivers down your spine and increasing the tension in your abdomen.

You can feel your orgasm approaching as soon as Taehyung enters his fingers deep inside you. You can feel your walls clenching at the intrusion of his long and slightly bent fingers, hitting your soft spot, making you moan.

“You feel so good around me.” Taehyung says, meeting your lustful gaze with a grin, his chin wet from eating you out. The sight is so erotic it sends a new wave of arousal to your core. He places his fingers on your clit, slightly pinching it making you squeal from the pleasure it had caused, rolling your eyes and resting your head against the bed's headframe, moaning his name in a quiet, almost inaudible whisper.

“Look at you princess, so desperate for me.” He says in a sultry tone. He  faintly strokes your clit with his thumb, leaving open mouth kisses on your sensitive bud every now and then as he pumps his fingers in and out of you at a slow but deep pace. He kisses the inside of your thighs and traces his tongue along your perineum, collecting your juices before they could make their way into the mattress.

“Tae, I’m so close.” you let out a squeal as the clenching of your walls increases, making Tae hum against your core.

“I want you to come in my mouth, can you do that for me, princess?” His filthy words make you moan, feeling your climax approaching.

He takes that as a sign to increase the sucking and licking on your clit as he pushes his fingers deeper into you, making sure he is reaching your sweet spot with every move, keeping a steady speed that slowly takes you to a breathtaking orgasm.

You come undone around his tongue, he humfs satisfied with your orgasm, as he keeps providing long licks on your folds, making sure he collects every single drop of your wetness. You flinch every time his tongue comes in contact with your oversensitive bud which makes him giggle every now and then. Once he is done, he plants a few kisses on your thighs before slowly making his way up to your chest, kissing your breasts, taking one into his mouth and releases it with a loud pop that makes you laugh.

“Tae, aren’t you going to be late to your meeting?” you ask him as he places his face on the crook of your neck, leaving butterfly kisses while his hands wander on your body, squeezing the side of your thighs every now and then. “Tae...” you bring your hands to his cheeks, moving his lips away from your skin, forcing him to face you. His eyes are still full of lust, but they become softer when they meet yours. He smiles at your frowned expression.

“You are going to be late.” You scold him.He ignores your scolding as he leaves a sweet peck over your pouty lips and moves back to your neck, where he sucks on a sensitive spot, making you moan his name in a low voice, barely hearable for him. “Taehyung” you call him again, this time with a stern tone.

“Mmhm...” he hums against your neck.

“You are going to be late to your meeting with the king.” You tell him again, this time with worry in your voice. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.” He hums against your skin again, moving forward to kiss you on the lips.

“The king can wait” he says in between kisses, smiling as he plants little short kisses on your lips, lost in the thought and feeling of you.

“Actually,” The stern voice of a man interrupts the moment, well there goes our romantic evening, Tae thinks as he can recognise the voice of the intruder. You both turn around quickly to see Yoongi staring at you with a blank expression on his face.“He can’t wait.”

You can hear the envy in his tone as he walks closer to the bed where you and Taehyung are, not even flinching at the scene in front of him. Taehyung’s body is the only thing covering you and his clothes are what keeps you both from showing Yoongi a very pornographic scene. Yoongi crosses his hands over his chest, leaning against the wall. “I advise you to leave now if you want to make it on time, you know my father hates it when people are late.”

The presence of Yoongi makes you shift uncomfortably in your place. You close your eyes and let your head fall backwards against the headboard as Taehyung sighs and starts shifting his weight from above you. He looks at Yoongi with questioning eyes, hoping he would understand and leave the room so he can get off you without exposing your naked body to the prince. However, Yoongi doesn’t even blink at Taehyung's threatening eyes, letting him know that he wasn’t moving, and as much as Taehyung wants to send him off, he knows he can’t be impolite to the prince.

Taehyung sighs defeated as he kisses your cheek one more time before he lifts himself from you, leaving your body exposed to the men in the room, both of them staring at you with fascination. Taehyung fixes his clothes as he walks towards the prince, standing right infront of him in an attempt to block your naked body from his vision.

Truth is, Yoongi has seen it all. He walked in long before he made his presence known. He had watched you in your most vulnerable and intimate moments with Taehyung between your legs, while you begged him for your release. He saw how your face contorted with pleasure, and how your perky chest kept being abused by your wandering hands as you were trying to fight your orgasm that threatened to come too early for your liking. He knew he shouldn’t have stayed silent and watched such an intimate moment between the two, but he didn’t find it in him to stop Taehyung before you could reach your orgasm. Just like he didn’t have the will to turn around and come back later, knowing that if he did either of those, Yoongi wouldn’t have been invited to finish the job, nor have had the joy to see you crumble apart as you reached your high.

You quickly cover your body with the sheets as you walk behind the changer, quickly dressing yourself again. You can hear them exchanging a few muffled words before Taehyung calls out your name, causing you to peek from behind the curtain to find both males staring at you with questioning eyes. You see Taehyung opening his mouth ready to talk, but gets interrupted by the prince before he could get a word out.

“Miss y/n, I’m sorry if I have overstepped, but... I heard you speaking with the cleaning ladies this morning about wanting to try horseback riding.” He clears his throat before he speaks again, taking a step forward, completely ignoring Taehyung’s presence in the room. “I came to your chambers to ask if you would be interested in…”  he hesitates, biting his lip nervously. “ If you’d like me to teach you? I understand if you can’t right now, or if you decide to turn down my offer, I-”

“It would be my honor, your majesty.” you say quickly, easing his nerves and smiling kindly at him.

“I told you to call me Yoongi, y/n, we are not strangers.” he assures you with a smile. You nod and divert your eyes to Taehyung, who is watching the scene unfold with uneasy eyes: The prince was deliberately flirting with his girl right in front of him, again. Almost like he didn’t  care that Taehyung’s face was between your legs just a second ago. Taehyung clears his throat as he shifts uncomfortably in his place, knowing there is nothing he can do or say.

“I’m going to head to the meeting now.” he points at the door, looking at you with glossy eyes.

“Okay” you reply quietly, your heart clenching at the sight of Tae looking like a sad puppy that just got scolded.

You and Taehyung are aware that the prince has been crushing on you since you started working at the castle; realising it right after Yoongi interrupted your make out by the lake a few days after you arrived, almost a year ago. This was the same night his friendship with Taehyung changed for the worse. Not because they hate each other, but because they are both in love with the same girl, and envy what the other can do for you that they can’t do themselves. Even though they are no longer close friends, the King, Yoongi’s father, still treats Taehyung like one of his own, creating a never ending rivalry between the two. Tahyung has managed to become the King’s right hand, and has gained a lot of respect in court as one of the best knights in the entire kingdom. However, that doesn’t stop Yoongi from disliking him and wanting to be as far from him as he could be, which is almost impossible since he is always with the king, or with you.

Yoongi recognises he’s been head over heels for you since day one, and after a whole year, he is certain his feelings for you are strong, and very much real. He has been nothing but kind to you, always respecting you and your boundaries, becoming fairly close to you and even offering you a job as Second Head Chef. Even if this was a great opportunity for you, you kindly declined the offer, knowing the rest of staff would not have been very happy to have such a newbie controlling the kitchen along with Chef God, Kim Seokjin.

Yoongi is also aware that your relationship with Taehyung was breaking multiple rules, and has caught you sneaking around way too often, yet he couldn’t bring himself to rat you out to his father. In fact, Yoongi never even dared to ask you about your relationship with Taehyung, and much less to confess his feelings to you. One thing he is certain of, however, is that Taehyung is your main source of your happiness, and as much as he wants to be selfish and have you all for himself, he knows you will never be happy with him as long as you have Taehyung. It kills him inside to know he is in love with someone who’s heart is already taken, but he promised himself he wouldn’t give up on you, and will continue to be by your side as a friend until you gave him a chance. As long as you were happy, he was happy too, even if he wasn’t the reason for it.

“Goodbye Tae, I’ll see you later.” You tell him once he is by the door, making him freeze on the spot.

“Goodbye, y/n” he turns around to face you and Yoongi, who now stares at Tae with pitiful eyes. “Your Majesty” Taehyung bows to the prince. “I hope you have a lovely time horseback riding.” He says before he closes the chamber’s doors with shaky hands.

He hates the idea of you being alone with Yoongi, knowing he was capable of stealing your heart with his charms and good looks. Taehyung is well aware that Yoongi is a nice guy, but if he wanted to, he could fire Tae in a heartbeat and move you into the royal chambers and give you a title in court. He knows Yoongi isn’t a bad guy at all, in fact, he still looks up to him, and has a deep appreciation for Yoongi and all of the things he has done to help him, and you. What truly kills him, however, is the fact that Yoongi can give you the life Taehyung always promised, and he hates him solemnly because of that.

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A loud knock on your door startles you, your tiredness disappearing at the sudden visit. Opening your eyes, you shift on the bed trying to find the closest candle, lighting it up successfully after struggling long enough for the person behind your door to knock again.

You slowly get out of bed and quietly walk to the window, who could be knocking like that at this hour? You move the curtains slightly to the right, surprised to see a teary-eyed Taehyung anxiously waiting for you to open the door.

You hurry to unlock the door with shaky hands, opening the door to be startled by Taehyung's tall figure latching over you, his left hand travelling to your back, and his right hand reaching for your head, where he caresses your hair delicately.

“Hey” you whispered against his chest, hugging him by the waist. “Is everything okay, Tae?” you ask him softly, waiting a few seconds before his voice breaks the silence.

“I’ve been selected by the king as the next commander to lead the troops to the border” he spills rapidly, the anguish and fear in his voice being obvious as he delivers the news to you. You push your hands against his chest to be able to see him in the eye.

“Tae, that’s amazing news! I knew the king was going to reward your hard work soon enough!” you whisper excitedly, not understanding why Taehyung seemed so petrified by the idea. Wasn’t this his dream all along? You look for his eyes again, noticing he is holding back his tears. “Taehyung I don’t understand, I thou-”

“We’re leaving at sunrise” he blurs out quickly, his voice cracking mid sentence. “I came to say goodbye, y/n.”

“What?” you answer, the information hitting you like a bucket of cold water. “Sunrise as in...tonight?” Taehyung is now crying against your hair, hugging you tighter as he tries to muffle the sobs that come out of his lips. Your hands leave taehyung's chest and find taehyung’s face, trying to dry his never ending tears with your shaky hands and before you know it, you’re crying too.

“I’m so sorry y/n, I love you, please forgive me, I’m so sorry.” The pain on his chest can be heard as he speaks, breaking your heart into a million pieces. You lean closer, ghosting your lips over his, silently asking him for permission to kiss him. He leaves a soft peck against your lips as he moves away ready to apologise again, but before he can formulate a word, you cut the distance between your lips again, catching him off guard as he sobs against your kiss; it takes a moment before he finally kisses you back, this time with passion and hunger for you.

He licks your bottom lip, waiting for you to give him more access. You comply by opening your mouth slightly, inviting his tongue to play with yours, deepening the kiss. His hands have now found your waist as he moves you forward, forcing you to take a step back which allows him to fully enter your chamber as he closes the door behind him with his foot. Scared of losing your balance, you hold tightly onto his neck, sighing in between kisses when he bites your lower lip sensually. Taehyung breaks the kiss just so he can bend slightly to grab your thighs, inviting you to jump into his arms. Without hesitation, you wrap your legs around his hips as he connects your lips again, kissing you with such care and love that it feels overwhelmingly intimate.

“I love you” his confession is short, but it manages to trigger your tears; kissing him between sobs once again.

Taehyung carries you all the way to the bed where he lays you down gently as he climbs on top of you. He makes sure to admire your figure as his gaze reaches your face again, staring at your candle lit face lovingly, watching the tears that decorate your glossy eyes leave a salty trace all the way down to your now rosy cheeks. He kisses the salty residue and slowly deposits soft kisses all over your face, placing the one last kiss on your jaw before moving to your neck where he sucks gently, leaving open mouth kisses everywhere. In between ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I’m sorry’s’, he makes sure not a single inch of your face remains unkissed, taking his time kissing you until you finally stop crying.

“Can I hold you tonight?” Taehyung asks in a whisper, scared you would reject him and cut your time together short. You open your eyes to Taehyung staring at you from above with puppy eyes. He caresses your hair while he waits for your answer.

“Tae, you are already holding me.” you smile at him as he lets out a vibrant laugh that makes your heart skip a beat, his smile growing big from your teasing.

He leaves a tender kiss on your lips before he manages to move away from your body, laying down next to you as he opens his arm, welcoming you into a cuddle. You giggle as you lay your head and hands on his chest.

Emotionally drained, you let out a loud sigh and begin to trace random figures onto his chest with your finger while he hums a lovely melody that you could barely hear, letting his quiet voice and the outside crickets fill the room with their calming sounds. Your eyes start to feel drowsy, and without realising it, you fall asleep in Taehyung’s arms.

—————————————————————

—————————————————————

You wake up to Taehyung’s lips against your shoulder. His arms hold you tight as you cuddle closer to him, your back pressing against his chest. His lips reach for your neck as he let’s go of your body, moving you so you are now facing up as he moves around to straddle you between his legs. He proceeds to kiss your collarbones, placing slow kisses all over your chest and neck until you’re awake enough to speak.

“Taehyung? is-” he places a finger over your lips as he shushes you. He kisses your cheeks, your nose and your forehead gently, making sure to ghost his lips over yours every time he changes sections. He finally leaves a sweet kiss on your lips before you are able to speak again.

“Tae, baby, what’s wrong?” you say now, fully awake. He kisses your lips one last time before he moves away from your face, staring at you with glistening eyes full of love and care.

“Let me treat you right one last time.” He says in a whisper, sending shivers down your spine. Your eyes get watery, and before you can speak, he kisses you again. “No, don’t speak, don’t cry. Just relax, let me make you feel good.”

He connects your lips with yours in a slow, passionate kiss as he moves his hands to your head where he starts massaging your scalp, making you purr against his lips. A few minutes into the session, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by all the attention you are receiving from Taehyung.

He is everywhere, kissing you, touching you. His hands massage your muscles, easing the tension that had built up a few hours ago when he arrived at your chambers. You feel your entire body surrender to his touch, letting out a loud sigh as he keeps massaging your body, slowly moving his hands towards your chest, where he squeezes your breasts over your pajamas. You let out a low moan, enjoying the sensation as your back arches, asking for more. Taehyung takes your moans as invitations to undress you, taking the hem of your nightgown between his fingers and slowly lifting it up, taking it off and leaving you with nothing but your underwear on. Your nipples immediately perk up by the cold air in the room, anticipating Taehyung’s touch.

He directs his lips to one of your nipples, twirling his tongue over it multiple times before he blows some air on the hard bud, your underwear starting to stick to your core from the arousal. He places his thumb against your lips, pushing it into your mouth slowly. You take his thumb between your lips, sucking on it sensually, making sure to coat it with enough saliva before drags it out and directs it close to his face. He let’s go of your nipple with a loud pop and replaces his mouth with his wet thumb as he takes your other nipple to his mouth,causing you to arch your back once again, the feeling of his tongue and thumb mixing with the cold air against your wet nipples making you extremely aroused.

He licks your nipple one last time before searching for your lips, kissing you passionately as he stimulates your sensitive buds with both of his thumbs, squeezing both breasts with his big soft hands, massaging them as he strokes small circles on your nipples. His pace is slow but steady, and it is driving you insane. You moan his name multiple times, begging for more, but he remains the same, slowly dragging his thumbs in circular motion over your nipples, one on each hand as he now kisses the area between your breasts, leaving some faint bruises there.

Taehyung can feel you’re close, noticing the pool of wetness surfacing from your panties. He notices how you rub your thighs together desperately looking for some friction as you moan his name repeatedly. He slithers one of his hands down to your core, placing his palm over your panties. He massages the area with just enough pressure for you to flinch every time his palm brushes against your swollen clit.

“Tae,” Still somewhat sleepy you moan his name again, finding it hard to formulate a single word by the overwhelming sensation. “Too much.” You whine, as he hovers his lips over your right nipple. You feel embarrassed at how fast you’re coming undone by him playing with your breasts, but you can’t help it as you arch your back and pull his hair closer to your chest, already crumbling apart. Your orgasm hits you slowly, but intensely, making you moan his name repeatedly .

“That’s it baby, let me hear you.” He says as he kisses your lips. “Such a good girl.” You kiss him back weakly, trying to come back from your high as he leaves one last kiss on your chest before  lowering himself and kissing your belly button. He massages your waist and hips as he leaves a trail of kisses all over your belly, both of you humming with enjoyment.

“I can't wait to have a family with you.” you freeze at his words. You are unable to speak as you look down at him, where he continues to plant kisses on your belly and caressing your hips lovingly. “You are going to look so beautiful pregnant.”

“Taehyung...” you feel your tears threatening to fall on the corner of your eyes. You always dreamed about having a family together, getting married, moving in together… you guys have your entire lives planned. You always knew you would eventually have to be away from each other before all of that could happen, but you never expected it to happen so soon.

You feel your tears stream down your face when the thought of Taehyung never coming back invades your mind. You can’t imagine life without Taehyung, it seems like a terrible life to live, and yet, deep in your heart you knew there was a chance he could never return to you, and that’s what was hurting you the most.

“This baby is going to be so loved, I already see him having your smile.” He looks up to meet your gaze, and to your surprise, he too, is now crying. However, he has a smile plastered on his lips, feeling over the moon at the thought of you carrying his child.

“Him?” you ask while lifting an eyebrow, questioning his last sentence. You always talked about having a kid together, but Taehyung always said he wanted to have a little girl; He wanted to have a boy now?

“Yeah, little Taehyung” he smiles as he cups your belly with his hands, making you laugh at the adorable image of Taehyung holding a little him in his arms.

You smile with adoration, his statement warming your heart. “Okay then, little Taehyung it is.” He now laughs with you as he quickly moves back up, connecting your lips together as he slides his hands against your core. He plays with the hem of your underwear and drags one finger over your covered folds, feeling the damp fabric under his touch.

“You’re so wet for me,” he brushes his fingertips over your clit, making you moan, desperate to feel him against your skin.

“Can I take these off?” He looks at you with impatient eyes. You nod as he quickly takes your underwear off, feeling the cold air against your exposed arousal. He crawls to the end of the bed as you whine at the lack of touch, missing his body’s warmth. You lift your head up to find him staring at you as he sits on his heels at the end of the bed where he places a hand on your ankles, pushing it to the side, making your legs move further away from each other, exposing you to him.

“Let me see you.” he says in a whisper. His eyes are now darker, filled with lust as he licks his lips, eyes stuck between your legs.

You sit up on the bed as you spread your legs wider apart, making  Taehyung sigh as he bites his lower lip, unable to move his eyes away from you. Liking his reaction, you grow bold and drag your hand towards core, parting the lips with your fingers, giving Taehyung a better view of your sex.

Taehyung’s breathing becomes louder, his chest rising and falling at a quicker pace as he looks at your fingers wandering against your glistening core. He reaches for the hem of his shirt to take it off quickly. Dropping the shirt on the floor, and guiding his hands to his covered dick as he starts to palm himself over the pants, his bulge rapidly hardening.

“Touch yourself for me.” He says in a low and demanding tone, sending another wave of pleasure to your core.

Your cheeks blush by his statement, that has caught  you off guard. “Tae…” you whine quietly, dragging a finger over your needy clit.

“What? I don't know how long I'm going to be without your pretty pussy” he says as he takes his remaining clothes off with a laugh. “I need a good visual of you touching yourself, so I can take care of myself later, a man has his needs.”

He says half jokingly, as he steps out of his pants. He walks next to you quickly, his erection fully hardened as he stands right next to you. He leans down to kiss you before he akes two of your fingers over his lips and into his mouth. He coats them with a thick layer of saliva as he makes eye contact with you, his tongue twirling around your fingers before letting them go with a loud pop. He then extends his palm in front of you. You look up to meet his gaze, confused on what he wants.

“Spit on my hand.” he tells you as he moves his hand closer to your lips. You happily comply, too horny to even think straight or fully understand his actions as you spit on his hand.

“Now, be a good girl for me and spread my saliva all over your pussy, legs open wide so I can watch you.” He leaves your side and sits at the end of the bed again, eagerly watching you as he uses your saliva to lubricate his length, mixing it with his pre-cum.

The sight of Taehyung touching himself while staring at your exposed body sends another wave of arousal to your core, moving the fingers Tae coated with his saliva over your clit and around your entrance. He nods at you when he realises you are waiting for his permission to touch yourself, entering two fingers inside you as your thumb draws circles over your clit.It doest take long before you are crumbling apart by your own administrations to your now overly sensitive bud.

“Tae…” you moan loudly, knowing you were going to cum way too soon if you kept going.

“Don’t stop” he hisses as he starts moving his hand faster over his length, applying more pressure to every stroke. “I want you to cum on your fingers, let me see how you fall apart for me.”

His dark, low voice is all it takes for you to feel your arousal dripping from your entrance, wetting the sheets as you come undone. Your back arches and you let out a loud moan, toes curling as you let your head rest on the bed headframe. With your eyes closed, you try to recover from your high as your chest violently rises with heavy breaths.

You feel Taehyung’s body hovering over yours, kissing your lips hungrily, desperately. It takes you a second to kiss him back, the effects of your orgasm still lingering all over your body.

“That was so fucking hot.” he says between kisses, his length resting against your belly, making your judgement clouded. “You are so fucking hot.” he compliments you as he kisses your neck, slowly grinding his dick against your tummy, making both of you moan.

“Taehyung” you drag your hands to his shoulders slightly digging your nails on his skin, making him moan again. “please fuck me.” you beg as he sucks on your neck, leaving a bruise. He smiles against your neck, moving back to see you eye to eye. He kisses you one last time before he moves to nibble your ear.

“No” he whispers, “I’m going to make love to you.”

[just-fucking-peachy]

Just ruminations on Devil Judge since it's the finale week and I have... thoughts. Warning, because this got LONG:

a. The way it's going, Gaon has nobody left (and I'm not counting Min Jung Ho) and neither has Yohan, except Elijah. So in the end, who's going to be with Elijah? I'm guessing the most predictable end would be Yohan dead and Gaon as Elijah's caretaker but, though I do think he would be a better caretaker than Yohan, it would be sad. Much as I think Yohan isn't the most... ethical judge, he's definitely suffered in his life. It would be nice to have an ending where he didn't have to.

b. Re: Gaon, I don't see an ending where he's left to take care of Elijah as a happy ending. He's lost so many people in the course of his story, his parents, Soohyun etc. His relationship with the Kang family had its upsides and downsides: he found a new family but at the same time, his morals are constantly at loggerheads with Yohan's. If at the end of it, if he loses the Kang family, it would be sad.

c. I do think we've reached a moral crisis jn the story, at least in terms of Gaon and Yohan. Which I expected but not this late (and also not this many times, lol). Gaon isn't going to be corrupted any further, that's clear (so this is not a Will Graham from Hannibal situation, or at least there is no longer the episodes left for it to be a Will Graham situation). So it's one of two things: either Yohan begins to see his POV or they will end the series on opposite sides. (Which again, is not what I want. I would like if they reconcile, because if not each other there is NOBODY left.)

d. If they DO end on opposite sides, it would be convenient for Sunah but also... it kinda shelves her as a primary antagonist doesn't it? In which case, she should have been dealt with already,.if the primary crisis was going to be a faceoff btw Yohan and Gaon. And I don't see Yohan joining Sunah, not after the little stunt she pulled with K and Elijah. My take (and hope!) is the 15th episode is the complete split of Yohan and Gaon, leading up to Sunah's statement ("You're completely alone now.") and the last episode is that one of them, hopefully Gaon, finds a way to reach the other in their darkest moment and face off against Sunah together. Fingers crossed and nobody dies in the end?

e. I wish Gaon knew about K dying and Yohan bring shot. :/

f. I would like to believe that all the family bonding moments were leading up to something - either the humanisation of Yohan or the corruption of Gaon. The corruption of Gaon only happened partway; understandably because Yohan crossed the line in the last episode. But I don't want the humanisation of Yohan to be futile, or a sort of redemption equals death kind of way. Let the man have a nice meal with his family at the end :/

g. After K's last words to Gaon, I've taken a relook at his relationship with Yohan. Undoubtedly K was loyal to Yohan, till the end and as predicted by him, he did come to a lonely end. K understands, probably better than Yohan, the real loneliness and danger of the path they are on. And he recognises the real danger of being swallowed up by Yohan's rage and complete desire for revenge. Which put his words towards Yohan about Gaon in perspective: was it really necessary to involve Gaon? Is it not another person they're damning? There might have been a hint of competition btw him and Gaon but K knew the consequences and the lengths Yohan could go to. I do think that, with this death, snapped the last link holding back Yohan's unhinged-ness.

h. Speaking of Yohan's unhinged-ness, I really believe that Gaon choosing to speak out is as much about saving Yohan from himself as is about his own horrified conscience. This is clear enough from their conversation at the mansion where Gaon says that with this, Yohan goes down a path there is no coming back from. I will actually make a note which I've long thought about: despite the long history of conflict they've had, Gaon has never actually contradicted Yohan IN COURT. Even when Jin Joo was pushing back against this decision, Gaon said nothing - not until they're back home and he asks Yohan if he really means to go through with this.

Of course people have brought up the stabbing incident in the preview. My thoughts are: either Sunah says something to Gaon (truthful or otherwise) or Gaon finds something out. Either way, Gaon stabbing Yohan is a big deal - and it's a clear break from the thing Yohan told him before ("never attack me. Never.") And ties in with what Yohan tells him in the preview ("You'll regret this forever.") So the incident that sets him off has to be something huge, something that he feels is a massive betrayal of his trust. He may think Yohan is going down a horrible road but he doesn't think Yohan has, as of yet, done anything truly criminal. This is evident in how he defends Yohan to his professor. But what if he finds out, or is led to believe, that Yohan did do something like that? Either connected to the church fire or to Soohyun? If it's a manipulation by Sunah, there is space to reconcile (and I hope so!) If not and there is in fact something that Yohan has done, I guess there will be no space to reconcile and in which case Yohan will properly be a villain (but again, weird since girlboss Sunah is right there?) I hope the latter is not true, because frankly both the boys have suffered enough goddamit.

Whew, that was a lot more than I thought it would be. I have a LOT of feelings about this show, lol. What do you guys think? Would love to hear your thoughts.

[imagine-loki]

What About Trust, Chapter 17

TITLE: What About Trust CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 17 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki owns a bookshop on Midgard. He had to do something there to try and avoid getting any attention. But he’s not fond of having customers, is rather grumpy and guarded. But then he meets a bright, bubbly and trusting young woman who doesn’t recognise him. To his dismay, he finds himself becoming rather fond of the mortal.  RATING: M

  Loki and Cleo decided for their first date to just have it at Loki’s. Since they both knew there would still be a lot to talk about, they would need privacy.

Loki was really nervous, knowing he was still walking on thin ice. He had to try and prove to her that he was truly sorry for what he did, that he really loved her and would never hide anything from her again.

He luckily managed to get Thor to go back to New Asgard, so he wouldn’t be an awkward third wheel.

When Cleo arrived, Loki was relieved to see that she didn’t look quite so sad or broken as she had done before. Her eyes were a little brighter. He smiled softly and welcomed her in.

Loki had cooked a stew that he knew she loved. But this time he made two pots, one was actual beef and the other was bilgesnipe like he usually made. Though he wanted to tell her what it actually was this time, so she would have the option.

They made a little small talk and then Loki poured them both some wine and they sat down on the sofa together to talk a bit before dinner.

‘I am really glad that you’ve come over, Cleo. Truly. I wanted to tell you, that what we’ve had these past few months has been real. Everything about us has been. I felt that being Luke, I was being who I wanted to be. I let my guard down with you, which is not easy for me. It was freeing, in a sense. Not having to be someone I wasn’t. Everyone expects me to be a villain just waiting to attack or mess up, or a Prince, a God. Even Thor still expects too much of me sometimes, often asks me to help him and The Avengers out. But I don’t want to be any of that anymore, I just want to be… me. And for the first time in, ever, I felt like I was able to be that with you. Though I won’t lie, I was hiding some parts of me from you. Such as using some of my powers for odd tasks here and there, that come naturally to me to do. I almost caught myself out once or twice.’ Loki sighed softly and looked down.

Cleo took a minute to absorb the information. ‘Thank you for telling me. I do wish you’d opened up to me more before, but I… I do understand why. And I do see from your point of view why you lied about who you were… I’m sorry if I jumped to conclusions too quickly, I should’ve let you explain straight away.’

‘No, no. Cleo, don’t apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s my fault for being such a fool. I just hope that in time, you can forgive me. I really don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you. You mean everything to me.’ He reached out and gently toucher her hand with the tips of his fingers, he was glad when she didn’t pull away from him.

‘I don’t want to lose you either, Loki.’ She whispered and moved her hand closer to his, letting him link his fingers with hers, bringing tears to his eyes as he lifted her hand up and kissed the back of it repeatedly.

‘I give you my word, I will never lie to you again or keep anything from you.’

Cleo knew he was telling the truth. After everything he’d told her, she really could understand why he did what he did.

‘Tell me about your parents.’ She said after a moment.

Loki smiled. ‘Frigga, she was the most wonderful, beautiful being. You remind me a lot of her. With your kindness and the way you see the world and people. There is nothing bad within you, like with her. She also loved her flowers and plants, and books. That’s where I got my love of them from. She taught me my magic, giving me something that was just for me. I am not as strong as my brother physically, never was and never will be. He’s a great warrior using strength. Whereas I tend to use my wit and brains more than anything. My magic was something that was mine and Frigga’s, something we had together.’

‘Yeah, Thor does seem a bit of a brute.’ Cleo laughed lightly, making Loki smile widely.

‘Indeed.’ He nodded. ‘He’s not exactly the brightest, but even I have to admit he does have a big heart. That will be from Frigga, for sure.’

‘You really miss her, don’t you? I could tell by what you told me about her before, too… She was the Queen of Asgard, then?’

Loki nodded. ‘Yes. And Odin the King. We never truly saw eye to eye, more so when I grew older. But I believe deep down he did love me. Before he… Before he died, he told me he loved me and that I was his son. It’s something I’d wanted to hear for a long time. I do wish we’d had more time, in that mind frame together.’

Loki went on to tell her the full story properly. About Odin taking him as a baby. Then about when he learned of his true self. How that sent him on a downward spiral, trying to commit suicide off the bifrost. It broke her heart to hear that. And he told her about falling into Thanos’ hands. How, to an extent, he was under mind control. But Thanos had manipulated and tortured him, bringing the smallest of his feelings to the surface and using that.

‘I have no one but myself to blame for my actions in New York.’

‘But it wasn’t just down to you, Loki. From the sounds of it, something like that was bound to happen. Don’t beat yourself up about it. From what I’ve seen, from your Luke side, you are nothing like you were during that time. And you did save those people in the park. Which, was really impressive. Even though I was confused and angry, I was very impressed, and proud too.’ Cleo said and half smiled.

Loki felt relieved that they were communicating like they were now. He told her about what happened when he returned to Asgard, about being put in prison. His mother dying and then Thor coming to him for help. Told her about how he tried to take the throne again, what he did to Odin. Then about Ragnarok and how they had destroyed their home.

But they got everyone to Earth safely, built a New Asgard. But Loki decided to go off on his own, make his own path. He came across the empty building here, conjured up some money to buy it and then with a snap of his fingers had everything as he wanted it.

‘So, when you re-arrange your shop, you don’t manually do it you just… wave your hand and poof it’s done?’ Cleo asked, eyes widening a little.

Loki nodded sheepishly.

‘Not sure whether to say that’s really cool or that’s really lazy.’ She laughed, making Loki laugh too.

He was just so glad to hear her laugh again, to see her smiling. The sparkle in her eyes was coming back more and more, almost shining completely bright again. It made his heart so happy.

‘Bit of both.’ He grinned.

The timer went off for dinner, so Cleo sat at the table while Loki went over to the kitchen.

‘Not going to lie, it is a bit odd to think that I’ve been dating and am dating a God, a Prince.’ She said to him as she watched from her seat.

‘I’m just me. I won’t be having you kneel for me or call me Prince, don’t worry.’ He winked over at her, making her giggle again.

‘I do uh, have another confession to make. I’ve made two stews, one is beef. And one is… well, the usual.’ He rubbed the back of his head nervously.

‘What do you mean the usual? Is the usual not beef?’ Cleo raised an eyebrow.

‘No. But technically, you never asked what meat it was… It’s something called bilgesnipe. It’s one of our main meats from back on Asgard. We managed to take a few to New Asgard so the species wouldn’t die out. It is very similar to beef, as you know since you’ve had it before, but a lot better. But I made beef too, in-case you are repulsed by the idea and want that instead.’

Cleo was a little surprised, but she shrugged. ‘The usual is good for me. I guess it’s no different to eating some animals here, if that is one of your main dishes. And I’ve had it before and not died, so it must be ok.’

Loki smiled and started dishing up the stew. ‘I was hoping you were going to say that.’

While they ate, Cleo asked Loki a bit about Asgard. He told her some stories about growing up there and when he was young, some adventures he and Thor had together. She could tell that he did love his brother, and he spoke so fondly of his mother, it was so heart-warming.

After eating, they went to relax on the sofa again with more wine.

Loki turned in more towards her. ‘Cleo, darling… I know I messed up and I understand that you want to start again, with me, for me to earn your trust and so we can build our relationship up again. With no secrets or lies. I just need you to know, that I love you. So, so much.’ Loki said openly.

Cleo put her wine glass down on the table and shuffled closer to him and cupped his face, she leaned in and kissed him on the lips briefly. ‘I don’t want to start again… I love you too.’ She whispered, then she kissed him again, softly, slowly.

[es-kay-zee]

Vice | Bang Chan x Reader

pairing: chan x gn!reader

genre: angst

warnings: this fic contains lots of mentions of drinking and alcoholism, so if that’s not for you, then don’t read this, and there’s mentions of sex but there’s no smut, mentions of sex while drunk (reader and idol under the influence)

requested: nope, i got sad so i wrote angst lol

word count: 1.7k

proofread: a little bit

taglist: @bxngchxn @jisungsplatforms @hyunsluvv @qtieskz

a/n: i didn’t spend much time on this so i’m sorry it’s poorly written :( if parts don’t make sense please let me know and i’ll try to fix it

____________________

the edge of your glass rests upon your bottom lip when you see him. he stands by one of the few tables in the club, resting his weight upon his forearms. he looks up, his eyes searching the room before looking back down at his phone, a frown forming on his face.

you’ve seen many attractive men in your life, but there’s something about him. he’s enticing, alluring, and he hasn’t even looked at you. his dark hair is messy, intentionally so, and he looks so beautiful under the moving lights. normally you wouldn’t have the confidence to approach him, but the liquid courage flows steadily through you, and you find yourself walking towards him without too much forethought.

“hi,” you say, nerves a little more apparent now that you’re in front of him.

he looks at you, standing up straighter before he speaks.

“hello,” he replies. his tone is warm but still sceptical. you can almost see the gears turning in his mind as he tries to work out if he knows you or not.

“i’m y/n. sorry if this is weird, but you’re quite cute so i thought i’d come say hi,” you smile, but you can tell your smile looks awkward.

“huh?” he says, leaning in closer to hear you over the loud music.

your face heats up, but you raise your voice and repeat yourself anyway. you’ve already approached him, might as well commit to it.

“ah,” he says, his hand rising to rub absentmindedly at the back of his neck, a shy smile forming on his face.

“sorry, was that too forward of me?” you take a sip of your drink in an attempt to calm your growing nerves.

“nah, it’s just not very often i get called cute.” he chuckles, and the soft laughter sends a warmth through your heart.

“what? really? it would appear that i have to right this horrible wrong.” another chuckle, and it makes you happy to know you’re the one making him smile and laugh.

“oh, really now?” you nod in response, taking another sip of your drink as you watch the way his eyes sparkle in the dim light of the club. “i’m chan, by the way.”

“you here with anyone?”

he shakes his head before answering. “nah, i was meeting up with a friend but he just messaged saying he’s not coming.”

“damn, that’s no fun,” you reply.

“yeah, but at least you’re here so maybe tonight won’t be such a bust after all.” it’s the way he says it, the teasing, flirting tone that has your heart almost skipping a beat.

“can i buy you a drink in exchange for your company for the night then?” you ask.

after a quick nod of his head, you both walk up to the bar. he orders a drink while you down the rest of yours and quickly order another one. you can barely hear the bartender tell you the price over the thumping of the bass, but you swipe your card, nonetheless.

you drag chan to the dance floor, standing in front of him and beginning to grind back against him in time to the music. he downs half his drink before planting one of his hands on your hip, beginning to move his own with you.

the night carries on, the time spent dancing and drinking together, making out against the wall near the back of the club. you and chan have both lost count of how many drinks you’ve had, but that doesn’t stop him from ordering an uber and taking you back to his place.

when you wake in the morning it’s to an empty bed, and it takes you a moment to realise that you’re not in your own room. you think back, and your most vivid memory is of chan’s lips pressed against your neck while his hands roamed your body. you smile as the rest of last night’s events return to you.

you sit up, ignoring the way your head sways and throbs slightly at the movement. you grab your clothes, slowly getting dressed. the walk out of the bedroom is slow, and all you can think about is how dry your mouth feels. you don’t make it far out of the room before you’re almost colliding with chan’s chest.

“oh,” he exclaims, surprised to run into you. “i was just coming to see if you were awake.”

you look at him, your eyes squinting from the sunlight, and you can make out the smile on his face. it’s shy, just like the one when you told him he was cute the night before. and there’s something about his smile that’s contagious, prompting you to return a smile of your own.

“i’m awake,” you reply, voice still thick with sleep.

“i can tell. i was gonna make us breakfast but i kinda ended up burning it. so should we order something? my shout?”

you’re surprised, really. you were expecting him to kick you out, to send you on your merry way after a night of passion. but here he is, offering to order you breakfast. it’s sweet, and you can’t help but accept.

it’s nearing midday before you have to leave, chan having work in the afternoon. you exchange numbers before you go, promising to message and hopefully turn this one night stand into something more.

your relationship with chan blossoms from there, a couple of weeks spent getting to know each other a bit better before he officially asks you out. it was sweet, the way he did it. a crisp autumn evening curled up on his couch where he asks you the question. but, truth be told, that was the moment it went downhill.

it took him almost three months to notice. or maybe it just took him that long to admit it to himself. he truly wanted to look past the issue, he didn’t want to believe it to be true. but when it caused you to lose your job, he couldn’t ignore your drinking any longer.

looking back on those three months, he knows he should’ve realised sooner. it should have clicked in his mind when most of your dates were spent together in the clubs, dancing and drinking until you could barely stand. even when you weren’t going on dates, just time spent together in the evenings always included you with a drink constantly in your hand.

he wants the best for you, he doesn’t want to see you drown in the alcohol any more than you already are. it’s hard for him, and the months that follow his realisation are filled with countless arguments as he tries desperately to help you escape the clutches of your addiction. but you refuse to see the truth, you refuse to accept that you need help. and chan can’t take it anymore.

your phone buzzes with a message and you pick it up, seeing chan’s name on your screen.

chan: i’m coming over. i’ll be there in 10

you sit back against the couch, staring at the tv while you wait for him to show up. he’s right on time when you hear his rhythmic knock at your apartment door. dragging yourself to your feet, you walk over opening the door for him to enter.

he steps inside, closing the door behind him as he watches you walk towards the living room. he follows you, sighing heavily when he notices the almost empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. it wasn’t a surprise to see it sitting there, but he still hates the sight.

“how much have you had?”

his question hangs heavy in the air as he awaits your answer, but you don’t give one. you seldom do. in the past, he wouldn’t push you to answer, but this time he does. he has to. he needs you to recognise that you have a problem.

“y/n? how much have you had to drink tonight?”

“why does it matter how much i’ve had?” you say, refilling your empty glass from the bottle and taking a sip, feeling the way it burns a path down your throat.

“because i need to have a serious chat with you, but i can’t do that if you’re drunk.”

“oh? a serious talk? are you here to berate me again?”

“berate you? y/n, i’m trying to help you. i’ve been trying to help you for months.” he runs a hand down his face, trying to calm his growing frustration. “look, i don’t want to do this, okay? i don’t want to break up with you.”

“wait, you’re breaking up with me?”

he pauses, releasing a heavy sigh, laden with sadness. one exhale of air and you can hear the mental exhaustion chan has been dealing with. and it hurts to know you’re the cause of it.

“i am.”

“but why?”

“because i can’t keep doing this. i’ve tried to help you. you say you’ll stop drinking but you don’t. i want to keep helping you, i want you to get better for your own sake. but i can’t be in a relationship with you right now.”

“so you don’t want to be with me anymore?”

“i do, y/n, believe me, i do want to be with you. but i can’t. you’re not okay, and this relationship is taking a toll on me,”

“but i am okay,”

“no, you’re not. people who are okay don’t act like this. they don’t spend this much time drinking. alcohol isn’t going to solve your problems. and even if it somehow did, it wouldn’t matter because it’s only causing you new ones.”

there’s a slew of emotions coursing through you. anger, frustration, sadness. and all you can do to keep them at bay is take another swig of vodka, this time straight from the bottle.

“i’d like for you to leave now.”

“y/n-”

“get out of my apartment.” chan hates the sight of the bottle in your hand, but he hates the crack in your voice more. he wants to hold you, to hug you tight and promise you that you’ll get through this. but he knows that if he stays any longer then you’ll only end up yelling at him.

the alcohol swimming through your veins does little to numb the sting in your heart when he leaves. and it’s only when you hear that door close that you let the tears fall. your relationship with chan felt doomed from the beginning. it began with a drink in your hand, and it ended with one too.

[obeiii-mee]

How will the bros react to MC self-doubting themselves? Like saying bad things about them or can't be serious someone give them compliment.

Supportive demon bois coming right up! Sorry I took so long to write this anon! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, thank you all for the love on my previous posts!)

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who self doubts themselves:

Lucifer:

-As the embodiment of pride itself, Lucifer has an overwhelming amount of confidence, almost all the damn time

-So, he was flabbergasted to learn that you weren’t the same

-He always insisted that you aren’t anything but perfect, yet you always seemed to brush the compliments off with a shrug and an awkward smile

-Well, shit, we can’t have that

-Lucifer just got 10x more serious about the matter

-He pulls a really stupid concerned face whenever you insult yourself and he looks more and more like a 48 year old man/dad each time it happens

-He, as of late, increased the number of pet names he has for you and the amount of compliments he gives you each day

-He refuses to let you talk badly about yourself anywhere, at any point in time and encourages every little step you take towards bettering yourself like crazy

- Lucifer wants to prove to you that you are an absolute ray of sunshine and he will go to any lengths to do just that (do not ask)

-He’s even more affectionate than usual which confuses just about everyone in the House of Lamentation, yourself included

-His brothers are feeling a disturbance in the force and they don’t know how to feel about it

-You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to him since he fell as angel and Lucifer is ready to do whatever he can to help you realise that

Mammon:

-“You’re an idiot!”

-“*Sigh*, I know.”

-“Wha-Wait! Y-you can’t say thAT!”

-The Great Mammon is seriously worried about his human

-Being the dense motherfucker he is (i still love him tho) it took him weeks to realise you’re not all that confident in yourself

-At some point in your relationship, he jokingly called you annoying and you just went “Yeah I’ve been told. Sorry.”

-His jaw literally dropped and he almost cried

-He would have choked if he was drinking something

-Tsundere Mammon has gone bye bye and here comes the cuddling teddy bear that is your boyfriend

-He also doesn’t have as much self love for himself as he sometimes pretends to have so he’s kinda in the same boat

-Which means your boat is leaking and you’re perfectly fine with it while he’s panicking and trying to throw water overboard with his hands

-His brothers call him an idiot a lot but he’s a very sociable guy with people skills that he uses all the time in order to coax you out of your self pitiying shell

-Will whine every time you call yourself ‘useless’ or disagree with his compliments because what the hell, you’re literally the most gorgeous being ever let me love youuuu

-When it comes to you and your happiness, he ain’t fucking around. He will snarl at anyone that even looks at you in the wrong way

-Did that to Lucifer once, guess a what happened

-You’ve definitely helped him come to terms with the fact that he is loveable and not a good for nothing scum

-So now it’s your turn!

-Let him kiss your insecurities away please

-Your presence makes him feel wanted so he wants the same for you!

Levi:

-Well then

-It takes two to tango ya know?

-He is the KING of self loathing and no confidence whatsoever in anything he does so every time you put yourself down, he counters it with a self deprecating insult as well

-“I suck.”

-“Nah, you’re pretty awesome normie. I’m the shut in, disgusting otaku who can barely set foot outside his bedroom without having an anxiety attack.”

-It’s like you’re trying to outdo the other on who is worse

-Truth is, he really admires you, especially knowing you chose to date him; an anime nerd with no social life and no communication skills whatsoever

-It hurts a bit, every time he builds up the courage to actually compliment you and you not taking it seriously

-That’s because he recognises that he’s the same and just as harsh on himself as you are

-Levi knows self hatred is something that takes time to demolish

-But you are his Henry after all (also his partner but whatevs)

-He’s not gonna leave you hanging when you need him the most

-He also gradually stops calling you a normie as your relationship progresses, though it still slips through every now and again

-Basically, the first time he realised that you think negatively of yourself, his immediate reaction was: Haha lmao relatable

-But now, every time it happens, he gets all serious

-Puts his controller down and everything, it’s like witnessing a very rare phenomenon and it’s creepy as shit

-He’s also made an effort to be more physically affection though he is kinda shy about it because damn it he just wants to hug you every time you speak badly of yourself

-Probably writes a list at some point stating all the reasons why you are better than him and Ruri chan combined, it’s rlly sweet

Satan:

-He’s a bit curious as to where that mentality has come from

-What triggered you to be so self doubtful?

-He’s basically your psychotherapist and asks you a lot of questions trying to find different causes and solutions for your issues

-Honestly, he puts so much effort into trying to understand, reading books about it from the human realm and whatever he can find in order to help you

-He scrunches up his nose every time you call yourself an idiot or anything of the sort

-Satan knows that insisting you’re wonderful won’t exactly help you overcome this problem of yours

-But that doesn’t stop him from doing it

-It’s not like you can ignore his comments because he will keep complimenting you until you accept them

-He also repeats a lot of pick up lines but that’s just part of being his partner

-What do you mean you’re worthless?!! He would literally give away all of his books and his hatred for Lucifer in exchange for your well being!

-Satan is possibly the smartest out of all of his brothers, so he uses a tactical approach on this one

-Direct affectionate gestures don’t work on you so he’s gonna be more subtle

-Would slightly hint that you are amazing every time you do something for him, like fetching him a book or something

-“Ah thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you love.”

-He’s a lot smoother than he gives himself credit for

-He just appreciates your existence and that there’s someone out there that he doesn’t need to be act hostile or fake toward

-Satan is ready to sit down and listen to you talk about your insecurities for hours on end

-You would quietly say something bad about yourself and he would run through the House of Lamentation before bursting into the room you are in, shouting ‘No! That’s wrong!’ (going Danganronpa on your asses)

-“Welp, I fucked up again. I can’t do anything right.”

-And then, in the distance you hear boss music starting

Asmo:

-*Shocked Gasp*

-How could you say such things about yourself???? Is that even leGAl?

-Of course, the literally prince of Lust, with all of his narcissism, has never experienced things like ‘self doubt’ of ‘bad self esteem’

-Pfft, the fuck is that?

-He only uses the most positive of words when he describes himself

-So obviously he almost falls off the bed when he hears you insulting yourself for the first time

-But ya know, that would leave bruises on his beautiful skin

-“Oh darling, you’re not annoying or a moron! You’re not anything like Mammon!”

-That was a below belt fatal hit, press f in the chat for the second eldest

-At some point, he just genuinely believes you’ve been spending too much time with Levi and that his negativity started rubbing off on you

-But then you tell him you’ve always been like this and he almost has a crisIS

-He’s like ‘Haha, no, we’re going to get a spa day out tomorrow and a few shopping sprees so I can prove to you that you are magnificent in every way imaginable.’

-Asmo loves pampering you in general but on the days he sees you feeling extra sorry for yourself, he goes above and beyond

-Gets very hurt when you brush off his compliments because he just wants you to accept the fact that you’re beautiful

-He’s like a supportive mom lmao, whenever you’re feeling self doubtful, he goes “You’re doing great sweetie, keep it up I’m really proud of you.”

-It’s up to you to decide whether that helps or not

-He’s such a sweetheart in reality, it’s hard to remember that he’s supposed to be horny all the time

-Well he is but that’s not the point, you’re way more important

-Asmo is so much fun to write cuz I can make him so dramatic it’s hilarious

Beel:

-Oh no :(

-He gets very sad everytime you self deprecate yourself

-You can’t do it with him in the room because he’s going to start crying and give you this kicked puppy stare, it will break your heart

-Beel kinda comes over and goes “If I give you some of my food will you please stop saying bad things about yourself? Because it’s not true.”

-Well you can’t say no to that face

-He feels like it’s his fault you’re this self doubtful even though you’ve tried to explain to him you’ve always been like this

-He goes crying to his twin half the time because he doesn’t know what to do

-“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it! Fucking hell, I’m such a fucking klutz.”

-“Sniffle no you’re not.”

-He’s like, giving you large portions of his food now

-Because food makes him happy so he wants you to be happy too

-🙂

-His brothers go in shock every time because the only other person Beel has ever shared his food with before was Belphie

-Physical affection goes through the roof with this guy

-Bone crushing hugs btw

-Your self worth is so immeasurable with him, you can’t even measure it

-W h o a

-I’m being serious, don’t talk badly about yourself in front of him unless you want to be hugged into next week

-You are a literal angel in his eyes, of course he thinks highly of you

-He’s just hoping his presence isn’t making your self esteem worse, that’s the thing that keeps him up at night

-Idk why but he does think that he is a bad influence on your mental well being since he’s a demon

-Beel gives you compliments all the time and it confuses him when you laugh them off uncertainly because he wasn’t joking or lying??

-He’s always supportive of your choices and encourages you to be more confident

-The same way you show your support everytime you come to his games to cheer him on

-Overall, he just wants you to feel special and appreciated

-Because you deserve it

-IneedmyselfaBeel

Belphie:

-He feels like absolute shit

-Becuase he’s well aware he‘s called you a few...not so nice words in the past

-Back then, he only thought he meant everything he said but now that he’s hearing you accept his insults and actually repeating them yourself?

-It hurts his brain and he wants to smash his head against all four walls of the room for being such a cretin

-You do tell him it’s not exactly his fault you think so badly of yourself

-But he still believes he fueled it

-So now he needs to fix it

-He’s tried everything and I mean everything

-It’s kinda working, slow progress is made which he’s really happy about but you know, it’s gonna take a while

-He finally settles on physical affection as the best way to communicate his gratefulness for you being youself

-Oh, he wasn’t hugging you before? He is now, get your ass next to him and let him cuddle you

-Handholding has increased by 69% in the last month, sorry for the loss of your right hand with how much he squeezes it

-Sometimes, he can’t help but a throw an insult at you in a playful manner, because he’s an asshole

-But he always makes sure you understand that he was just joking

-He’s such a little shit, you would be having a chat with him and you would subtly drop a insult at yourself hoping he wouldn’t notice

-But then he stops dead in his tracks, kisses you, says “Shut up, you’re stunning” and then he goes right back to the previous conversation like nothing happened

-Accept his compliments damn it otherwise he will continue to bug you about it for the rest of the day

-He’s an eboy and he’s a dickhead a times, but he just goes soft for you tbh

-If you’re feeling really bad about yourself, he won’t even say anything

-He will just big spoon you for the next 24 hours, good luck going to the bathroom or any meals during that time

-Because once you’re in his grip, you’re not getting out that easily

-He gets so pissy if anyone says something even slightly negative about you to your face

-One time, a random demon called you stupid in one of the classes at RAD and he was like ‘bïtch excuse me what?’

-Snapped his head around at him and everything

-He would have done something worse but he was lazy and feeling really petty

-So Belphie kicked him in the privates from under his desk like a damn spoiled brat

-And then he turned his head back to you, all smiles and rainbows and puppies

-I’m simping so hard for a fictional character wtf

-I had to write more protective Belphie cuz I can’t find anything of the sort anymore and I need flUFF

(Haha, I don’t know what this post is, my writing has officially taken a shit lmao. Sorry this took so long to finish, I kept going back to edit all of them)

Al~

[cowboisadness]

Found You {Arthur Morgan x F!reader}

Summery: She was there for Arthur through everything, being more than good friends but less than partners. They support eachother through the good and bad times, it’s not love tho, no, it’s not love at all.

Rating: M. Basically porn with plot. More plot than i planned i really got carried away with this. SMUT IS HERE! 18+ ONLY!!

—–

Chapter 4 - Together

The next few days were nothing short of torture. Arthur never spoke another word to me, huffing whenever I would say something to him or just walking away from me completely. Everyone else in camp soon noticed something serious had happened between us. Their comforting words and questions on what happened went unanswered and dismissed. I hoped time would help, that I would get a chance to explain myself and apologise for my foolishness and downright stupidity. But as the days passed, the frayed ends of the rope had no chance of being reconnected, no matter how hard I tried and how hard I cried. So I flung myself into as many jobs as I could get. As a distraction.

Robbing homesteads. Stagecoaches that turned into shootouts more often than not. Gambling with fellers that were too drunk to notice me stealing their wears from right under their noses and gone before they realised anything was amiss. Fighting in hidden alleyways with meagre men that thought they could take on a woman with nothing to lose. Just to feel something, another kind of pain that would lessen with time.

It wasn’t until I was sat at the edge of the camp, cleaning my revolver while looking out over the overlook, stars raining bright above. Bottle of whiskey by my side that Hosea came over and sat beside me. Silent at first. Taking in the view.

“You going to explain whats going on?”

“Nothings going on, Hosea.” I shrugged, running the oiled cloth over the same spot mindlessly. “Arthur won’t tell me. I though out of the two of you, you would.” he kept his eyes ahead, not bothering to look at me. I sighed, my shoulders dropping in defeat. I might as well tell him, not like he would be able to change my mind.

“I’m an idiot. I spoke to Mary. Told her to leave Arthur alone and to stop contacting him.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know anymore...Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“You love him.” I could see his grin out of the corner of my eye, albeit a sad on.

“Not you too, Hosea.”

“You two were very close. Closer than you think I realise. I’m not a dumb old man you know”

I didnt reply to that. No point to, my mind was made up now. Instead, I holstered my gun and stood, picking up the bottle as I did. Turning to Hosea to finally look at him.

“I’m leaving, Hosea. Only for a few weeks or a few months. I don’t know.”

“You really think leaving will help?” “Maybe. It might help him if I’m not here. I’ll send money and write to you and Dutch. I’ve already packed.” After a few more words and questions on my plans when I’m out there on my own, we hugged and I said my goodbyes to him, Dutch and a few others. Promising the girls I will see them again, even though I was doubtful. I willed no tears to spill when I gathered my things, leaving my tent bare and hollow. Mounting my horse I left camp without looking back, letting the wind guide me in whatever direction it wanted me to go.

---

Roughly 4 months had passed since leaving. Currently holed up in a now-abandoned cabin in the depths of Grizzlies East by O’Creagh’s run, hiding from the law after robbing the fence in Van Horne. Id wrote letters and sent money to nearby stations as promised. Keeping updated with the gangs coming and goings. The last time I heard from those who would write back, mainly Hosea and Mary-Beth, was when they were held up in a place called Shady Belle. I haven’t heard anything from them since. That was a month ago. I had thought of going there, finding them. But I couldn’t bare having to leave again after realising they had been getting on fine and had left me to my own devices. Coming to the conclusion that I was not returning and that I had abandoned them all. Which was far from the truth. I still cared, which I’m sure was evident from whatever leftover money I had been sending to them. Only, it wasn’t getting picked up from the stations anymore, along with my many letters. I was travelling back to the cabin after an evening hunting for supper and hopeful breakfast. The blanket of trees now behind me, opening up the wondrous starry night, pulling my jacket closed as the cold breeze this time of year began to sting any uncovered skin. I looked around before dismounting, taking my kill of two rabbits stowed on the side of my ever faithful horse and made my way inside. Looking around once more to make sure I hadn’t been followed. Just to be safe. As I began to skin and gut the meat, the warm glow from the lantern lighting my every movement in the otherwise dark cabin, I heard motion outside. Bears and wolves were not uncommon around these parts. I had to shoot my way out of a wolf pack not a week ago, coming away with nothing but a bruise on my hip from being bucked off the horse in her desperate attempt to flee. Nevertheless, I placed down the knife and picked up my rifle propped up against the door. Looking out the window to the right of the door. Seeing nothing and hearing nothing else. I went to the door, preparing my rifle then placing my ear to the door. It was silence for a few moments, then movement again, making its way up the steps. It didn’t sound like an animal. With a hand on the handle and rifle ready to be used, I swung the door open. The rifle now aimed at the unwelcomed guest.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust in the darkness, but it didnt take long to recognise who it was.

“Arthur?” It was barely a whisper. A question of disbelief. I blinked a few times, surely my eyes were playing tricks on me.

After a few breaths, he finally spoke “I’ve found you.” We just stood there, I released a breath I didnt even know I was holding. How did he find me? Why would he? Months of keeping myself away from people the best I could and staying hidden for long periods of time I was beginning to feel content with being a lone wolf. Not thinking that lone wolves are weakened beings after too long. Often driven out when deemed useless or a weakness to the pack, or leaving to find their own family. Not alone forever, wolves would struggle and go insane.

But he, of all people, found me. The only question now is why. And that was the only thing I could say as I lowered the gun.

“Why?”

He told me everything that happened. The downfall, the betrayal, the heartbreak. Those that we lost. Everyone gone in one way or another. Sean, Kieran, Lenny, Hosea, Molly, Miss Grimshaw. Dead. Saint Denis bank, Guarma, Micah working with the Pinkertons. In the end, Micah had turned Dutch against almost everyone, whispering little worms into his ear until they grew and grew to leave no room for anything else.

Dutch turning his back on Him and John. Leaving John to bleed out and leaving Arthur on that mountain. Where he thought would be his final resting place. But once the sun was up, high in the sky, he found the energy to live. To heal. To find me.

And that’s what he did the last few weeks until he heard whispers of someone fitting my description that caused a bit of hell in Van Horn. He knew he was close.

“But...why did you want to find me?” I asked. Both of us sat around the small table below the window, two empty whiskey glasses before us.

He took in a deep breath, his perfect blue eyes meeting my bloodshot and watery ones. “I wanted to the moment I was told you left,” He leaned over, taking my hands in his.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think these last few months. Especially in the last few weeks. What you did before you left, I understand now why.”

“But I hurt you.” letting a sob escape, my body starting to tremble and I’m sure he could feel it in my hands.

“It did hurt. But losing you hurt even more,” He said, nothing more than a whisper, his eyes never leaving mine and his hold on my hands not faltering as he continued. “I remember what you said to me that night years ago. ‘Bout not knowing how much I mean to you. Well - I - I do. Because I feel the same. Always have. it just took me a while to realise it I guess.”

I couldn’t stop the tears. The damn had busted open. Within seconds he was on me, his arms enveloping me, my hands coming to purchase on his shirt. Neither of us wanted to let go, out of fear the other would disappear into the air like dust in the morning rays. We held each other for what felt like an eternity, my tears slowing and the shaking subsiding. I lifted my head from where it was perched on his chest to look at him, our eyes locked once more. No words were spoken but I could see it in the depths of those pools, the forgiveness and longing. And I was sure my eyes mirrored the same. His hand came up to cradle my face and I instinctively leaned into him, my breathing hitching despite the calmness that washed over me. Then I looked into his eyes again, only to be met with a look I had not seen in many years. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could he surged forward, his lips on mine. It was delicate, more fragile than any other kiss we had shared. It wasn’t long until that fragility turned into desperation, my hands at the nape of his neck, his on my waist. My mind was running a million miles a minute, all thoughts of him and this moment. Feeling like we were young lovers again. His hands roamed my sides as I gripped his hair, keeping each other glued to one another. My body began to burn up, feelings I had repressed for months pushing their way to the surface, refusing to be drowned. We broke apart and he pulled me to stand, his lips now on my neck, trailing wet kisses from below my ear to the hollow of my neck, causing me to moan. He looked at me then, desperation and pleading etched upon his face before I kissed him again. Kissing the scar on his chin that was easily visible within the stubble, his jaw, down to his neck and then his chest. Pushing off his jacket and suspenders with it. My fingers returned to the front of his shirt, undoing the buttons slowly as he pushed me back into the direction of the bed. My legs soon coming into contact with the edge. His hands now making a start on my blouse, pulling it from the confines of my pants and lifting it over my head. My hands roaming his chest and snaking down to his abdomen, stroking the hair there, causing him to tense at my touch. He always was a fine man, built from hard work that I couldn't help but adore. His arms wrapping around to my back to undo the corsets lacing, completely surrounding me and all I could smell was him. Horse, rain, sweat and something that was just so undoubtedly him. Undoing his gun belt was muscle memory, hitting the floor with a thud, my corset following, now both bare from the waist up. We couldn’t wait any longer, our lips on each other once again as we worked on unbuttoning our pants. He leaned me down to lay on the bed, my legs hanging over the sides as he wasted no time to pull off the rest of my clothing. Laying there propped up on my elbows I watched as he raked his eyes over every curve, scar and freckle on my body. Kneeling between my legs he drew kisses from my knee up my thigh, getting oh so close to where I wanted him to be. He looked up at me once more, giving a shuddering breath before his mouth landed between my legs, soft but purposeful strokes easily pulling moans from me. He didn’t let up, devouring me like a man starved as he paid close attention to my little bundle of nerves. My body shaking again but for a whole different reason. It had been too long and I knew I wasn’t going to last if he kept going for a minute longer. My hands fisting the bedsheets I tried to speak but it was useless, squirming from the sensations. Lifting my legs to rest on his shoulders feeling him moan against me, the vibration causing bolts of electricity to fire through my whole body and land at my core. I could feel my orgasm rapidly approaching and my hand flew down to card through his hair, holding him there. My body convulsed as I tipped off the edge, my head rolling back as the blinding pleasure washed over me, moaning his name into the air. Arthur was above kissing me within seconds, tasting myself on his tongue and lips. Catching my breath he pushed me further up the bed until my head hit the plush pillows. Removing his pants and then situating himself between my legs. I could feel him pressed up against my thigh, hot and swollen and begging for attention. And oh how my body craved to give him what he needed. His eyes met mine, hooded and filled with lust. Silently asking for permission. I nodded, placing a kiss on his forehead and placing my hands on his shoulders. Electrifying jolts surged through my core as he strokes himself along my slit tenderly. His skin burning to my touch and looking downright drunk. Completely intoxicated. He sinks into me slowly. My body soon getting accustomed to the memory of him as he bottoms out, his hips meeting my thighs. My breath hitches as he bites back a moan. Both of us taking a moment just to bask in the feeling of one another like this again. It all felt the same but so different. He kissed the scar on my collar bone that he only got to see before when it was fresh. We had been through so much over the years we would need to learn about each other again. But one thing remained the same; my body yeard for him. He pulled out before setting a languid pace, lifting one of my legs to wrap around his waist, allowing him to go deeper, his pace quickening and lifting my hips to meet him, Chasing our pleasure. One hand in my hair, tangled up with my locks as his other hand firmly grasped my hip. The look on his face was evidence that he was holding back, needing to completely lose himself in me. And I felt the same. “Arthur...Please.” I purred, not needing to say anymore. His pace quickened with a grunt, one that was a borderline growl. My moans and the sounds of skin on skin filling the air and our ears as he kept hitting that sweet spot. My nails forming crescents on his shoulders. Pulling him down to crush my lips against his, our teeth clicking and tongues dancing together. Pulling back suddenly with swollen lips as the pressure began to build, my whole body trembling more and more as I got higher and higher. Moaning out his name as his rhythm began to falter. Nuzzling into my neck and mumbling ‘oh, fuck,’ in that gravelly but wanton voice. His hand on my hip made its way between my legs, rubbing in quick circles. I couldn’t hold back. That coil within me growing tighter and tighter before snapping. My back arching as the shockwaves rocked through me. Slowing his pace slightly to ride me through it before picking up his pace again, chasing his pleasure with a few more pumps of his hips and he stilled. His hand like a vice on my thigh as he spent himself inside me with a drawn-out moan. It took us a few moments to get our breath back. Pulling himself from me causing me to whimper from the empty feeling and sensitivity. He moved to lay beside me and pulled me to lay with my head on his shoulder. Neither of us willing to clean ourselves up just yet. My skin now acknowledging the cold air around us. The thin sheen of sweat cooling me. Nothing was said for a while as he held me close until he broke the silence to place a kiss to the top of my head then lifting my chin for my face to meet his. “I love you,” he said. My eyes getting blurry from the confession I never thought I would hear. But looking at him I knew it was true. His eyes shone with adoration. I smiled weakly before kissing him once. Looking back into his eyes and with no hesitation, I said out loud what id only heard myself mutter in my dreams. “I love you too."

[iwritefandomimagines]

ELEVENTH DOCTOR x READER: “Things change.”

prompt #17 -- requested

masterlist

pairing: eleventh doctor x reader

description: when the doctor gets his timings wrong again, he finds a heartbroken you in your living room, years after he last left you at home. 

warnings: mega angsty. oops !

words: 1,600

Initially, you believed that whenever you next heard the sound of the TARDIS landing, you’d be ecstatic.

You’d expected to go running into the Doctor’s arms, swept away on some adventure or another that you’d remember forever. You pictured yourself content and excited and happy.

But that was then, and time had passed.

The last time the Doctor had dropped you off had been three years ago now. The man you loved had dropped you off to take Amy and Rory away somewhere ‘just for them’ for a day... But three years had gone by with no sign of them returning.

You’d spent at least the first six months locked away in your room, wallowing and crying in fear that he didn’t want to see you again.

But now that so much time had passed, you’d become too furious with the Doctor to want to see him again either. How could he just leave you here, forgetting about you entirely?

He’d told you he loved you -- had that truly meant nothing?

You were currently curled up on your sofa, a pot of ice cream in your hands and surrounded by a bundle of blankets. Your hair was unkempt, your loungewear the same you’d been wearing for a good few days now. Truth be told, you were in a mess.

Despite your infuriation, you’d never quite managed to fall out of love with the Doctor. That madman in the police box who’d whisked you away to places you’d never even imagined. He’d been your world, your safe place, and yet he’d been your breaking point too that moment he left you.

Right now you were reeling from yet another unsuccessful attempt at moving on. Another unsuccessful blind date, another failure to feel anything but apathy for any man who wasn’t the Doctor. Your Doctor. Why couldn’t you just move on?

And so when the TARDIS engine sounded, materialising right in front of you in your very living room, the fury coursing through your every vein was almost unbearable. Tugging your blankets tighter around your frame, you pretended to be unaware of the giant blue box blocking your view of another romantic comedy that only fuelled your sadness.

“Y/N!”

The sound of his voice sent chills rippling through your body, but you didn’t dare look up. It would be real then, you’d have to face the fact that he’d left you but all of a sudden was back.

“Oh Y/N! What’s the matter sweetheart?” he ambled towards you, pushing the blanket fortress you’d assembled out of his way. His head cocked to the side confusedly -- you’d changed. A lot. Had he gotten his timing wrong again?

The word sweetheart made butterflies flit in your stomach, but it was bittersweet to hear it again from his lips, and so all you could bring yourself to do was scoff.

His fingers reached up for a strand of your hair -- you’d dyed it in a feeble attempt to stop recognising yourself the way you did when you were with him -- twirling it around his finger as he tried desperately to make you meet his gaze.

“How long has it been?” his voice was barely above a whisper as he knew your answer couldn’t be good.

“Three years.”

Your words dripped with venom, your eyes harsh and your face set in a scowl as you finally made eye contact with him.

The Doctor felt his world shatter around him at that, the very fact that he’d let you down -- the most important person in his life and he’d let you down.

“Oh darling I’m so sorry,” he cooed, cupping your face in his palms and lowering his head to be closer to yours, “I promise that wasn’t ever my intention. It’s been a day... well, a week... but it was only because things got a bit hectic. I came straight back as soon as I could. You didn’t think I’d abandon you?”

You drew in a sharp breath, struggling to fathom the words to tell him just how you felt. Honestly, a small part of you was still ridiculously happy to see him again, especially knowing he’d never intended to leave you for so long. But he had, he had been gone so long, and you weren’t sure you could forgive that.

“Three years,” you repeated, as though trying to come to terms with it all over again yourself, “Three years without you, Doctor.”

He pulled you to his chest, almost knocking your ice cream from your hands as he did so with such urgency. He kissed the top of your head, your stomach doing flips as you felt so close to him again. But you were still fuming, and you couldn’t let it go.

“I’d never have left you alone for so long, Y/N. You know I’d never do that, surely.” he frowned.

“I thought I did,” you mumbled, before clearing your throat to speak more confidently. “I thought I knew. But it’s been three years, Doctor. Things change. I’ve changed. I’m not the naive girl you left in this room, struggling while you fawned over Rory and Amy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Even after you told me you loved me, Rory and Amy always seemed to come first. I feared being second -- well third -- best and then you unintentionally made that clear anyway.”

“Y/N, I love you, you know that,” he soothed, hands caressing your hair as he held you close, “I’ve thought about you every minute I’ve been gone.”

You shook your head, “That’s the problem, Doctor. So have I.”

There was silence for a moment, both of you too consumed with sadness to say anything. He couldn’t stand the notion of quite how badly he’d hurt you, and you couldn’t stand that though you were still angry and upset, you were relieved to be in his arms again, held by the man you adored.

“I-- three years,” he uttered, more to himself, still shocked, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I know I’ll never be able to make up that time, but I want to try. I’ll never leave you behind again, darling. I can’t live without you.”

“I’ve had to learn to live without you, Doctor. I spent so long believing that it had been an accident but even now that I know that’s true it hurts. I love you, I’ll never be able to stop loving you, but I’m just-- this is so difficult.” you fought back tears.

The Doctor pressed a soft kiss to your temple, “I’ll never let anything like this happen again, Y/N. I promise. I’ll never let you out of my sight I’l--” 

You shook your head, pulling back a little to stare deeply into his eyes, mesmerised as always by their emerald twinkle, “I’ve tried so hard to forget you Doctor. And I never could. But I-- It’s made me realise that people spend their entire lives at your side and it’ll always mean more to us than it does to you.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. Not one person who I have travelled with has ever been unimportant to me, I’ve cared about every single one of them, always.” his voice was stern now, and you could tell you had hit a nerve, “And it’s different with you, Y/N. Everything is different with you. In hundreds of years I’ve never cared about anyone like I care about you. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”

You gulped, “But that’s the point -- you’ve had hundreds of years to try, to explore and to find someone. I only get one short silly little human lifetime, Doctor. It terrifies me that I know I’ll never love anyone like I love you, you’re the love of my life. But I’ll be like a... like a blip in your timeline when I’m gone.”

“Never,” He clutched your balled fists, pulling them to his lips and kissing the backs of them gently, “Everyone has a lasting impression on me, everyone matters. But you... Y/N, you’re absolutely everything to me. You say I’m the love of your life like that doesn’t matter to me. You’re the love of my life, darling. Surely you understand that.”

His words weighed heavy on your shoulders as you tried to digest them, even heavier as you tried to understand them.

“The love of your life?”

“Of course. The love of my life.”

“Oh.”

He laughed, capturing your face in his palms and pulling you towards him to kiss you. His lips were soft and warm, just as you remembered them, and you couldn’t help but melt immediately into the kiss as you felt all of your anger dissipate.

That was the thing, no matter how much he’d unintentionally hurt you, everything felt okay with the Doctor. No matter what, the Doctor’s very presence had always been enough for you. You were just grateful to have him back.

“I love you, Doctor. Please don’t leave me behind again.” your voice cracked.

“Never, Y/N,” he kissed the corner of your lips again gently, “I love you too, more than you’ll ever know.”

You suddenly felt conscious of your current outfit, your loungewear and messy hair glaringly embarrassing to you despite the fact that the Doctor wasn’t remotely phased by it.

“I-- uh,” you began nervously, “I would say where shall we go but, well I look like this...” the Doctor furrowed his brows as you blushed, before rolling his eyes as you continued, “But I just want to spend time with you anyway. Movie night? Like old times?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart. Absolutely.”

-------

eeee i hope you enjoyed this! sorry if it wasn’t amazing, i lost track partway through and tried my hardest to finish it... let me know what you thought. now that i’m back, requests are back open and my (updated) prompt list is here if you’d like ideas. also, my masterlist is here if you’d like to take a look!

thanks for reading <3