#a little kid used to call me lemony

[bells12]

Melanie is not the same as Malanie or Mèlanie or Melany or Melony or Melonie or Lemony.

I’m very curious so…

No doesn’t apply to me button because I will die on that stupid hill, if you must click use your imagination. Though to be honest these days I don’t imagine there are that many people who don’t have alternate spellings to their name…

[northwindow]

Do you have any light-hearted comforting reads? Feeling a little down

sure! i hope you’re feeling better soon. maybe you’d like one of these, depending on what you’re looking for:

if on a winter’s night a traveler by italo calvino is a really delightful escape. there’s a playfulness that drives this book, especially after a few chapters—it kind of reminded me of the feeling that i used to get reading lemony snicket as a kid

i always crave something funny when i’m feeling bad... priestdaddy by patricia lockwood, zambra’s chilean poet, happy hour by marlowe grenados?

the rachel incident by caroline o’donoghue is a new book that really charmed me, it’s a portrait of an early-20s friendship and an illicit affair set in cork, ireland. it’s literary-leaning of a beach read but it has that candylike quality (not every moment is breezy, but overall really fun)

i thought too much and not the mood by durga chew-bose had this lovely optimism in a genre that can be stereotyped as moody (personal essays). a clever and effervescent book that left me inspired to create things

i would not call her work lighthearted, but a novelist that makes me feel like you can face the most fucked-up challenges in life with moral strength and heart and humor is miriam toews. i would probably start with fight night for something on the lighter side of her spectrum. i might add banana yoshimoto on a similar note, some of her themes/plot points can be heavy and mysterious yet the books have this soothing effect on me, they feel colorful and warm. kitchen is a popular starting place and a quick read

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

So something I just realized is that I think Lemony Snicket helped me unmask some of the abusive narcissists in my life.

One specifically.

And it appears to be on accident.

Let me explain.

There are so many times in my childhood where my mother would get so damn offended by my intelligence or "otherness" to her and a weird amount of these memories are ASOUE related.

In chronological order:

I referred to Sunny as an infant. Like they do in the books. My mother, ever thinking she knows everything and I must be wrong. was insistent Sunny had to be a toddler because of the way I described how intelligent she was. (It's fiction, but okay Becky). I explained, no, they describe her as an infant. She can't even walk or talk. Unfortunately, my mother took this as an instance of me questioning her authority and intelligence (as she often did when I corrected her on factual information) and insisted I had to be wrong (even though I was reading the damn books and she wasn't) and that "infant" always meant "newborn." No, Becky. It's a synonym for "baby." It was being used as a synonym for "baby." I and Daniel Handler were both using it as a synonym for "baby." In fact, in some terms in psychology, you're an infant until you're freaking five. Why is this something you want to fight with your 8-year-old about you freaking child?

Got offended that I was reading a book where all the adults were stupid. (I'm gonna let that one speak for itself)

She made me put wrong information on school work because she refused to even look at physical evidence she was wrong. What was she so adamant about? The bitch thought there was a "T" in the word "Orphan." You know, the word I had been seeing every couple of sentences for months at the point. I pointed out that I definitely spelled the word "Orphan" right (I was doing a book fair project on The Bad Beginning) and she was getting pissed I wouldn't change the spelling to "Orphant." Why did she think this? "It's Little Orphant Annie!" Newsflash, no it isn't! It's also "Orphan" there. I even showed her the book and typed it into a spellchecker to show her the "this is misspelled" line that came up underneath. SHE PHYSICALLY REFUSED TO LOOK! So yeah, I looked stupid and spelled a word wrong on my homework so my mother would quit having a tantrum.

Got it in her head that I wanted her and my father to die because I mentioned the description on Briny Beach did actually sound pleasant. (I was literally only saying that an overcast beach where there aren't a lot of people crowding around was nice. Made the mistake of admitting I got the description from ASOUE and she went off the fucking handle screaming about how I wished my parents were dead. I do now, Becky, but it has nothing to do with fictional orphans. In fact, I think the fictional orphans kept me sane.)

And here's the thing that solidified that my mother did not care about me. I got The Puzzling Puzzles. I was so excited to share it with my parents (because I didn't realize they were abusive yet and did that kid thing where I wanted my parents to love me and thought they did) and my mother straight up turned around and said "Nobody cares about that but you" because I was annoying her and my father.

And they wonder why I never shared anything I loved with them. Now, my father in an abusive pos too. If I had to actually call anyone my personal Count Olaf, it's him.

The difference is, I would rather be stuck in a room with Count Olaf than be anywhere in driving distance of my father. At least Count Olaf sort of has a motive for his cruelty. My father is just a monster.

But my mother, she's the one I realized first. And a weird amount of the inciting indicants were ASOUE related. (And it irritates the hell out of me that they tried to bond with me in my adulthood when the Netflix series came out because now they didn't have to pick up a book. 20 years too late. And my father laughed at Klaus getting smacked which was way too familiar for me...)

Sorry, Carmelita, but from experience you don't want to be raised by Olaf and Esme. It's not a pleasant experience.

[chuckecheesekid9000]

Shermie and Vivi Pines (Mikey, Dipper, and Mabel's paternal grandparents)

Since the Quagmire Triplets (Duncan, Isadora, and Quigley), and other wise never appeared in live-action movie from 2004 titled "Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events", I'll ship Sherman "Shermie" Pines (@notllorstel's version) with Violet "Vivi" Baudelaire (2004 movie version), because in Omniverse Falls (a my version of minijen's universe falls), she will be Mikey, Dipper, and Mabel's paternal grandmother, where as in Universe Falls' 50th chapter titled "A Tale of Two Stans" where the baby is revealed to be Filbirck and Karen's grandson, That means Shermie is actually Stan and Ford's older brother, and the baby is his first kid, Bernhard Pines (The Pines Siblings' dad), But I felt like Stan was suppose to mention a sister-in-law to ford.

Vivi was suppose to be on Shmebulock's Pines conspiracy board with Shermie for Gravity Falls lost legends.

Here is every quote I came up for characters about Sherman and Violet for Omniverse Falls, and as you can see there isn’t much here….

"They're you're family, poindexter, Shermie and Vivi's three grandkids, The tall one in the white biker jacket with black streaks on the arm sleeves is the oldest of them, named Michael, or Mikey as he rather be called, besides him, the second and short one is his colorful little sister, named Mabel and with both of them is their sweaty brother, named Mason, or Dipper as he liked to be called as well. You can figure the rest." - Stan

“Apparently, Violet and Sherman Pines’ grandkids have been staying with Stanley for the summer (It's hard to believe that the parents, Felicity and Bernhard Pines would trust all three of these kids with Stanly; they clearly thought he was me).” - Ford

“Anyway, about your Grandpa Shermie. that guy was a total square, let me tell you! I mean, who wears a bow tie to a hospital? Did I ever tell you that I was there the day you two were born? I visited your mom, pop, and other relatives in the hospital. Still remember like it was yesterday. Mabel came first, socked the doctor in the jaw! My little fighter. Dipper’s face was blue. Umbilical cord must have wrapped around his neck or something. When I got a hold of you two, I didn’t want to let you go. Had to fight Grandpa Shermie just to keep you for another minute! now onto your Grandma Vivi. that chick was really something, Who else wears a pair of halfmoon glasses at home to look after your brother, Mikey here, when he was only 5 years old, while your mom, pop, Grandpa Shermie, and I were all at the hospital? Let me tell you this, Grandma Vivi told me that she use to teach him how to invent a machine called "A Rock-Retrieval Device", while looking after him, the reason why is because she wanted him to be an inventor like her, and inventing machines will be in his genes, someday." - Stan

[otrtbs]

10 books to know me 📚

thank you for the tag @anouri !!! <3

ten books to know me or know what i like to read about?? hmm. i'll tag the books and some quotes to convince you to read them.

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt ~ the only book ever. jk. but it is my favorite. i read it 1-3x a year. would take it w me on a deserted island. all that.

"A great sorrow, and one that I am only beginning to understand: we don’t get to choose our own hearts. We can’t make ourselves want what’s good for us or what’s good for other people. We don’t get to choose the people we are."

"And in the midst of our dying, as we rise from the organic and sink back ignominiously into the organic, it is a glory and a privilege to love what Death doesn’t touch."

"As long as I am acting out of love, I feel I am doing best I know how."

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë ~ moody and damp in a way that seeps into your bones and refuses to leave.

“You said I killed you-haunt me, then! [...] Be with me always-take any form-drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!”

“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.”

What My Mother and I Don't Talk About by Michele Filgate ~ collection of essays about people's relationships with their mothers.

“The hunger I feel is so unreasonable I can’t parse it, even to myself. But I want to be the daughter of this mother, the one who lives in a pink building, the one who dances.”

“I love you past the sun and the moon and the stars,” she’d always say to me when I was little. But I just want her to love me here. Now. On Earth.”

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket ~ yes, the whole series. read them as a kid and they're why i am the way that i am.

"I will love you as a thief loves a gallery...as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong."

"To Beatrice— Darling, dearest, dead."

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott ~ comfort read! it's coziness and comfort in book form! jo march n me are the same and we're besties.

"I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end."

“The humblest tasks get beautified if loving hands do them.”

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros ~ read this as a young teenager and it's stuck with me ever since.

"And the story goes she never forgave him. She looked out the window her whole life, the way so many women sit their sadness on an elbow. I wonder if she made the best with what she got or was she sorry because she couldn't be all the things she wanted to be. Esperanza. I have inherited her name, but I don't want to inherit her place by the window."

"Their strength is secret. They send ferocious roots beneath the ground. They grow up and they grow down and grab the earth between their hairy toes and bite the sky with violent teeth and never quit their anger. This is how they keep."

Play it As it Lays by Joan Didion ~ it's just a book for your early 20s i think.

“There was a silence. Something real was happening: this was, as it were, her life. If she could keep that in mind she would be able to play it through, do the right thing, whatever that meant.”

Ways of Seeing by John Berger ~ all about art and capitalism and observation. 13/10 read.

“The mirror was often used as a symbol of the vanity of woman. The moralizing, however, was mostly hypocritical. You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, you put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting "Vanity", thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for your own pleasure.”

“The bogus religiosity which now surrounds original works of art, and which is ultimately dependent upon their market value, has become the substitute for what paintings lost when the camera made them reproducible.”

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner ~ haunting, southern gothic, stream-of-consciousness style that embedded itself into my 17 yr old brain and never left

“Memory believes before knowing remembers.”

“That’s what they mean by the womb of time: the agony and the despair of spreading bones, the hard girdle in which lie the outraged entrails of events.”

Turtles All The Way Down by John Green ~ i'd be doing teenage nat a disservice if at least one john green novel didn't make the list

“I was so good at being a kid, and so terrible at being whatever I was now.”

“You can’t control it, that’s the thing,” I said. “Life is not something you wield, you know?”

tagging some of youse bc i wanna see what you're reading! 😋 (absolutely no pressure!!) : @twisted-tales-told @rollercoasterwords @euphorial-docx @rays-of-raven @anythingforourmoonysstuff + anyone else who wants to play!! say i tagged you !! <333

[saucy-mesothelioma]

Just a list of some of my favorite quotes. I tried to sort them at least a bit but eh.

Funny Quotes:

• "If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." - Zaphod Beeblebrox, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

• "The way it [Pizza Hut pizza slice] dances is insulting." -Charles White

• "You know what they say, when fate closes a door, luck opens a window. And karma deactivates the alarm system." -Sam, Poker Night 2

• "We're only at the top of the food chain because sharks don't have good guns yet. They're workin' on 'em tho." -Sorrow TV

• "Behind every great man, there's a woman with a vibrator." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "I'm not suicidal, I just wish I was never born." -Adrian Monk, Monk

• "We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw...Does that sound fine?" -Ash Williams, Evil Dead 2

• "Hi Kevin can you maybe consider finding a hobby or possibly even a friend" -Poptarts

• "I live in a flat for divorcees where they make you pay six months up front in cause you hang yourself." -Gregory, The Outlaws

• "Mousetrap. I wanted to play Mousetrap. You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt." -Bob the Tomato, VeggieTales

• "Yeah, it's a death trap. But it's a really powerful death trap. What, you suddenly care about safety now?" -Slate, Outer Wilds

• "How insecure do you think I am? Seriously, how insecure do you think I am. I need you to tell me. Will you please tell me?" -Shawn Spencer, Psych

"Oh, get over it. I shot ONE baby. And, in fairness, it was being a dick." -Handsome Jack, Borderlands 2

"We protest you calling us 'little kids'. We prefer to be called 'vertically-impaired pre-adults'." -Yakko Warner, Animainiacs

"If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring. Apple could put the entire text of 'Mein Kampf' inside the iTunes user agreement, and you’d just go agree, agree, agree – what? – agree, agree." -John Oliver

• "Always get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power." -Joel Robinson, Mystery Science Theater 3000

• "Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something?" -Tom Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000

• "No, no they're not eating people anymore, because we made it illegal." -Wendigoon

• "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by." -Douglas Adams

• "Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I would extend my leg when they walked by." -Count Olaf, A Series of Unfortunate Events

• "If God were edible, not that I'm Catholic, but if it was cool to eat God, he'd be a chicken finger." -Troy Barnes, Community

• "I'm like the fun dad that comes and brings you a bike but doesn't pay child support" -Chris Tergliafera

• "The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

• "You can run, but death runs slightly faster." -Flamingo

• "Studies show keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I have ten guns for if some maniac tries to sneak a ladder in here." -Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

•"Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway." -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000

Quotes on Life:

• "If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy." -Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "Remember what the good book says: Love thy neighbor, or I'll punch your lights out!" -Father John Mulcahy, M*A*S*H

• "It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing." -Lemony Snicket

•"All my life, I have been happiest when the folks watching me said to each other, 'Look at the poor dope, will ya?'." -Buster Keaton

• "At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey." -Lemony Snicket

• "Honest to god-or whoever's in charge-you are not alone." -Harlan Ellison

• "You are not entitled to your opinion, you are entitled to your informed opinion. If you are not informed on the subject, then your opinion counts for nothing." -Harlan Ellison

• "If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble." -Betty White

• "As a child, I considered such unknowns sinister. Now, though, I understand they bear no ill will. The universe is, and we are." -Solanum, Outer Wilds

• "While skepticism is healthy, cynicism, real cynicism, is toxic." -John Oliver

•"You can wish your life away. But if you're going to dream, you're going to have to get out and, like I always say, you have to put some wings on them dreams, and some feet and fingers and some hands. They gotta get into some stuff. You can't just sit around and think of all the things you want to do. You've got to think of what you want to do, and then you've got to get out and make that happen." -Dolly Parton

• "Be yourself. No one can say you're doing it wrong." -Charles Schulz

• "It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things." -Lemony Snicket

•"If you know someone whos depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn't a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather." -Stephen Fry

• "When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them." -Lemony Snicket

• "Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life." -Dolly Parton

• "Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily." -Lemony Snicket

• "Don’t try to be young. Just open your mind. Stay interested in stuff. There are so many things I won’t live long enough to find out about, but I’m still curious about them." -Betty White

• "I know that pain is the most important thing in the universes. Greater than survival, greater than love, greater even than the beauty it brings about. For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned. Adult. You have become adult." -Harlan Ellison

• "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." -Robin Williams

•"Find out who you are. And do it on purpose." -Dolly Parton

• "Like a wind crying endlessly through the universe, time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we were, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." -Harlan Ellison

• "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." -Gandalf, The Fellowship of the Ring

• "Not all those who wander are lost." -Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

• "Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular." -Robin Williams

• "I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it." -Sally Brown, Peanuts

• "It’s [old age] not a surprise, we knew it was coming – make the most of it. So you may not be as fast on your feet, and the image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game." -Betty White

• "Don't be scared of dying, be more frightened that you haven't finished living." -Dick Van Dyke

• "In lieu of even as you’re waiting for a major change that you think might not come, incremental change is possible and valuable." -John Oliver

• "You can lie to anyone in the world and even get away with it, perhaps, but when you are alone and look into your own eyes in the mirror, you can’t sidestep the truth. Always be sure you can meet those eyes directly." -Betty White

Quotes that go Hard:

• "In death, there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mishaps, and no escapes." -Bludworth, Final Destination

• "War isn't hell. War is war and hell is hell, and of the two war is worse!" - Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H

• "I'm sorry, if you were right, l'd agree with you." -Robin Williams

• “To linger on an ending is to rob it of its life.” -The Shifting Mound, Slay the Princess

• "There is only me. There is only my way. There is only the forest. And there is only surrender." -The Beast, Over the Garden Wall

• "Life is cruel. Why should the afterlife be any different?" -Davy Jones, Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

• "When belief in a god dies, the god dies." -Harlan Ellison

• "There are few things more terrifying than one's own heart, and there is almost nothing more terrifying than sharing it with another. But most terrifying of all is leaving one's heart unshared." -The Moment of Clarity, Slay the Princess

• "I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid." -Harlan Ellison

• "In all of mankind's history, there has never been more damage done than by people who thought they were doing the right thing." -Lucy van Pelt, Peanuts

• "I bet we were fun." -Gamora, Guardians of the Galaxy 3

• "A thousand staring morsels stood, and not one of them believed themselves sane to look upon it. And in the centre, the door that would open to all the places that were never there, was me." -Michael, The Magnus Archives

"Ain't that just the way." -Greg, Over the Garden Wall

• "The pain of your absence is sharp and haunting, and I would give anything not to know it; anything but never knowing you at all (which would be worse)." -Plume, Outer Wilds

"Only things that one could imagine happening to real people, I guess, remain in a person's memory." -Buster Keaton

• "Look, I've got a gun out there in my purse. And up to now, I've been forgiving and forgetting because of the way I was brought up. But I'll tell you one thing: If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I'm gonna get that gun of mine... And I'm gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!" -Doralee Rhodes, 9 to 5

• "You're only given a spark of madness. You musn't lose it." -Robin Williams

• "All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog." -Charles Schulz

•"...How beautiful. It’s different than I’d envisioned. Whatever happens next, I do not think it is to be feared." -The Prisoner, Outer Wilds: Echoes of the Eye

[travelinglibrariansdesk]

New idea for a blog

New idea for a blog: circulation assistant who enjoys talking about the books she checks in and out every day. I have no idea if anyone would find my opinions of books interesting: I'm mainly writing for me. Last fall, after the library hired me, I began keeping a list of good-looking children's books for my mother, who says she's going to start reading books to little kids somewhere, as soon as she's settled into her new apartment. The list mushroomed right away.

Can I start a blog this way? I'd love to keep notes on the books I see every day. For instance, today someone returned Jenny and the Cat Club, a book my grandmother used to read to me. So dear to my heart, little black cat Jenny with her red scarf and silver ice skates, and her wonderful friends. I'm overjoyed that someone is still reading it!

Also, a really funny edition of Frankenstein: Frankenstein: Annotated for Scientists, Engineers, and Creators of All Kinds. Worrisome, isn't it, to think that someone seems to want to encourage scientists to...um...duplicate Frankenstein's research? Not sure if that is what is intended by the title.

Just read an adorable book called It Came in the Mail. Little boy loves getting mail, so he writes a letter to the mailbox asking it to send him things. The first thing that arrives is a dragon. All the art is letter/postcard art, with appropriate and adapted post office stamps: "oversize" on the elephant, and "pearishable" on a giant pear.

Every day I'm amazed at the dazzling and creative art used in children's books. Yesterday I read a sweet Native American myth, called The Girl Who Loved Horses, a Caldecott winner from 1978 by Paul Goble. His Native American-style art is colorful and gorgeous, and sweeps across the pages in a way that suggests wild mustangs in motion.

The popularity of graphic novels has freed both adult and children's book authors from the either/or of "text" or "picture book". I nabbed a book today that I'd like to read called Trial by Jury Journal. I opened it to find that the story is told by all kinds of print media - the usual paragraphs, letters, newspaper articles, etc. I love creative flights like this. It reminds me of that beautiful series of books done as letters and postcards: Nick Bantock's Griffin and Sabine romance. I love the zing I get when I can connect two authors and think, I wonder if the older book(s) had an influence on the newer ones? Did Bantock's books pave the way for others of this type?

Update on Trial by Jury Journal: Good but not great. Kids will probably appreciate the character name puns more than I did - over several pages it wears a little thin (e.g., Anna Conda, Rhett Tyle). Still, the narration style keeps switching, which both keeps it interesting and develops individual characters. However, I think she could've gone further with the character development. They're not flat, but they don't have a full three dimensions. Still love the pen-and-ink art, reminiscent of Joseph Schindelman's original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Lemony Snickett.

Then there's Kaz Windness's If Ur Stabby, about a psycho anti-unicorn. Definitely NOT for kids under 12. A nice old man handed me the book the other day because (I think) his granddaughter had pulled it off the (presumably) adult graphic novel shelf, and he thought it might not be for children. Which it is NOT. However, the dark (one might say sick) humor of a depressed unicorn depicted largely in black and white is pretty funny if you've had a little too much princess literature, or the Pinkalicious series, come across your desk.

Just did a deeper dive into Stabby, who is apparently a graduate of Mother Goth Rhymes, which I can't put on hold right now because I have too many other books out that are overdue. (Just can't get myself to read enough. Very frustrating.) Fascinating stuff, though - "Stabby the Unicorn" is a meme, and apparently a game - "Unstable Unicorns", which would be a great name for a band, don't you think? But the game - "a strategic card game that will destroy your friendships" - is a little to manga for my taste. Even though they're "unstable", they're too cute and marshmallowy. More on that some other time, I think. Stabby is not manga. Original artwork - lots of curly, swirly letters and piles of skulls.

On a more serious, but still dark, note, I saw a book today entitled The Midwife of Auschwitz. My first reaction was YOW, this sounds horribly depressing. I was intrigued enough to read the blurb on the back, and it depicts exactly the story you'd expect of the title. However, I expect it would be an interesting take on the Holocaust, if you're in the right frame of mind. It turns out that among the atrocities the Nazis committed at the camps, they took the most Aryan-looking babies and gave them to German couples wanting children. Just like the Irish nuns and the evil folks in Before We Were Yours did.

[midwinterwings]

Alr. I figured it out

Ive got either an alter or an alter ego.

Its ironic. In IW I feel I have to be this thing I was shaped to be to be worth something.

In EW I feel I have to be what I used to be like as a little kid but grown up, to be liked and worth something.

So in a way that kid did get to grow up and I'm like...two people now. I think maybe he thought "it's safe to come out in EW" so he manifested. Well, now I'm disregarding the fact that the real me didn't get to grow up like that and that trauma from my past isn't just going to fucking evaporate. At the same time I'm...someone else. That kid. He calls himself Lemony and he's actually a fictive oddly enough but only loosely triggered by his source. The source was just a way for him to visualize himself I think

Anyway...so, this is just stupidly weird.

I believe he's an alter rather than a purposeful alter ego or coping mask. He's got his own personality and he refuses to leave and if he was an alter ego I could have just...unthunk him. So.

Anyway, I'm more of a we now. We exist at once in a weird liminal soup of who I could have been and who I was shaped to be.

Fun...

[mournfulminds]

A shaft of light, all lemony yellow and clement shined through the glass ceiling, casting a halo effect on the younger woman as they walked; it had been too long of a time that Halcombe had felt her airy heart waver for another. Often, people were met with the asperous exterior that she presented due to her line of work, an easy way to keep all at a proper length so she could focus on said work. In a way, she found it comical, that she was a retired agent that spent her career searching for things lost to time, and now here was Iseul, a map maker, that had somehow found her, or found each other, really. Such a notion of coming back here with Iseul time and time again, so they could look at the variety of flora ─ maybe even make a small tradition of it filled her with repletion that abated her into the locale. "Of course we can, there will be many more summer days to come, so I am sure we can sneak in a visit or two." The older woman assured Iseul with a playful wink. "I think the most common one would be a fly trap." She returned, Iseul's laughter infectious and fashioning a warm smile on her face.

"I understand what you're feeling, it can be hard in a new city all alone." Hal's own work had taken her to far places in the world she had only ever heard in books or films in her youthful years, and she was not sure if she ever got used to the solitude that she was drenched in each time. "You know if you ever need someone to talk to, you can call me, I'm usually around since it's one of the lovely traits of the willfully unemployed. And I am sure they will all be putty in your hands the first time they run into an internet connectivity problem." She joked. "I'm glad it's keeping you busy though. Oh yeah, what has been your favourite one you've tried so far?" Hal asked, curious what her cuisine leaning was. "Well, I must say, I am honoured that I am your first adventure out, I guess I better make it worthwhile huh?" Stopping at a lush patch of greenery, Hal mused over her own life for a moment, "me? Oh, I have a whole herd, don't you worry. I'm kidding... just you so far, would you be jealous if I had?" She could not help but tease Iseul a bit, a cheeky glint in her eye as she matched the girl's gaze. "I've been good, staying in my apartment a little too long these days. But the weather is so nice, I shouldn't waste it."

Iseul's face lit up in surprise as Halcombe told her just how large the botanical garden was and she found herself looking at the woman with hopeful eyes, "That's a bit much to explore in just a day. Will you come back with me?" She liked the idea of getting to do this again with Hal, but her cheeks flushed at the unanswered question of whether this was a date or if they were two women being friendly. Iseul certainly didn't have the knowledge of self nor the confidence to ask. Her doll-like eyes blinked even wider. "Carnivorous... plants? I didn't even know that was a thing! I've traveled a lot and..." She made a little explosion at her head to imply her mind was blown before she made a sound that was somewhere between a giggle and cheer, and full of giddiness.

"I've been settling in but it can be very solitary. A lot of the work I do is done alone and I'm significantly younger than my co-workers. Though I'm definitely proving to them that I'm an asset, it's also made for a lot of running around and putting out fires because they're adorably clueless with new mapping tech. Sadly, though, it's left me pretty exhausted at night. I've been trying new restaurants, but you're my first real adventure out." She offered up a smile to Hal that let her know that this was perfectly welcome in her book. "How about you? Find any other lost lambs to make smile?"

[beatricebidelaire]

ulterior motives

Esme didn't meet Georgina like she same way she met most of the VFD members.

~2.7k, Georgina Orwell / Esme Squalor. pre-canon. also: Ernest Denouement. some background Ernest / Bertrand

for @asouefanworkevent‘s woevember event, day 2, firestarters.

****

Esme didn’t meet Georgina the same way she met most other VFD volunteers.

She met some of them in theater, who eventually introduced her to the others. To be precise, she met Beatrice and Olaf first. They were part of the theater group that hosted an audition that Esme went and tried out the role of a side character for. The two were almost inseparable during that period, never seeing one without the other, involved in some shenanigan or other. 

Despite the fact that they looked nothing alike aside from the mischief brewing in their eyes, they were nicknamed The Terror Twins by others in the theater group - and it’s easy to see how, Esme quickly learned. They were respectively the female-lead and male-lead of the show that Esme auditioned for, playing the roles of brother and sister in the show. They had almost the same dynamic outside the show and inside the show.

She met Olaf’s girlfriend Kit Snicket and Beatrice’s boyfriend Lemony Snicket when they came to the set to visit them, and once Kit and Lemony’s older brother Jacques. Aren’t the two families of yours a little too entwined? She remarked once, before getting confused looks from the others. After a moment, Beatrice was the quickest to get what she meant, to Esme’s displeasure - Beatrice had been proven to be very quick-witted and observant and intelligent, which was annoying because she’s already beautiful and popular without even trying, and it’s unfair that she’s also so clever and understanding as well, it’s like she’s getting everything.

“O and I aren’t actually siblings, despite what people call us,” she explained, with a very on brand grin. Casual and a little smug, and vaguely condescending when talking to Esme (and Esme only but not anyone else, or so Esme thought), which Esme wanted to wipe off her face, perhaps by biting, if necessary.

****

Georgina, though -

It was different with Georgina.

****

In retrospect, the fact that the first time Esme saw Georgina Orwell was when they’re at a high society social gathering was quite unusual. Mostly because social gatherings were not really Georgina’s thing. She made allowances for medical conferences, of course, but that’s it. Georgina did not like socializing with others.

Esme didn’t know that during their first meeting, yet. Just like she didn’t know back then that Georgina was part of VFD - she had never met her through Beatrice and Olaf and their group of theater-kid-adjacent friends, nor heard her name mentioned by them.

Georgina Orwell was wearing a purple suit that day, wielding an impressive looking cane, chatting with a man in a gray suit. Esme overheard other people referring to them as “Dr. Orwell and Mr. Denouement”.

Dr. Orwell was tall and stunning, wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses that didn’t hide away the sharp and shrewdness of her eyes, and a pair of pants that very neatly covered up her ankle, which contributed to the reason that Esme didn’t recognize her as VFD in the beginning. Her smile was a blend of perfunctory politeness and condescension, which instantly put Beatrice’s usual condescension to shame - for this is the real master of such technique here, Esme thought.

She only looked in Dr. Orwell’s direction for a few seconds before Dr. Orwell quickly noticed, and turned her eyes on Esme, piercing and sharp. Esme was not embarrassed at having been caught, and walked over directly, greeting her, “Good evening, Dr. Orwell.”

The man beside her chuckled, “Your reputation precedes you, Georgina.”

Georgina Orwell ignored him. “Miss Esme, I presume.”

“You’ve heard of me,” Esme remarked.

“You’ve recently made the news,” Georgina shrugged, studying Esme.

“Dearest Geraldine has always been the most entertaining,” the man supplied. He smiled at Esme, “Hello, I’m Ernest Denouement.”

Esme recognized the Denouement name when the others told her that the man talking to Dr. Orwell is Mr. Denouement. Must either be one of the managers at Hotel Denouement, or someone related to them, Esme thought. (Back then, she didn’t know the Denouements’ and their hotel’s relation to VFD, nor about the famous Duchess of Winnipeg - who was also at the gathering - being a friend of Beatrice and Olaf, and a volunteer.)

“Why don’t you go grab a drink and mingle, Denouement?” Georgina suggested, rather pointedly. She and Ernest Denouement exchanged a look that Esme couldn’t really decipher, before Ernest grinned, drily amused, and said, in a sly tone, “Of course.”

“So, tell me about the play the newspaper said you’re in,” Georgina suggested after Ernest left.

Esme raised an eyebrow - while she was always pleased to talk about her acting career, she rather suspected that Dr. Georgina Orwell was not the type of person who cared about plays. Perhaps she was simply making conversations? Or was she preparing to ease into some other subject?

Nevertheless, Esme gave a brief overview of the play she was in - rather professionally, she might add, and not even getting into complaining about Beatrice. There’s something about chatting with someone with a certain aura like Georgina Orwell that made her feel almost childish for bringing up the petty grievances she had with Beatrice. She wanted to be shown to be above that, somehow, right here at this moment. But also, Esme had met too many Beatrice Baudelaire fans who only approached Esme to ask about the beloved darling of everyone, Beatrice Baudelaire. While Georgina Orwell certainly didn’t look like one, Esme knew that not bringing up Beatrice was often a good test to see if the other person brings up Beatrice in the conversation first.

Georgina Orwell did not bring up Beatrice, and simply nodded along to Esme’s introduction to the play, occasionally making some comment about the plot, or complimenting Esme. At the compliments, Esme gradually relaxed, and started to suspect the real reason behind Georgina and Ernest’s unfathomable exchange of glances.

Georgina’s interested in her.

It was a thrilling and flattering thought, one she wasn’t completely sure if it was correct. But how else would she be able to explain someone like Dr. Orwell taking interest in her plays? She could believe that Georgina was interested in her, but interested in theater plays? Somehow, judging by Dr. Orwell’s reputation she’d heard so far, didn’t seem likely.

Esme decided to test out her little theory by some accidental touches - leaning closer as they chat, elbow bumping into her arm, placing a hand on her upper arm when they exchanged a particularly funny joke and both of them were laughing.

Less than 30 minutes later, they were furiously kissing in one of the hallways outside, and Georgina invited Esme to the hotel she was staying at.

It was a delightful night, all things considered.

They didn’t exchange contact information afterwards, but since they’re both semi-famous people, it was fairly easy for them to look each other up after that night. Esme realized that Georgina Orwell didn’t live in The City, but instead opened a clinic in Paltryville. Although it did seem like she visited The City regularly, and apparently stayed at Hotel Denouement often - it wasn’t the one she was staying when Esme first met her, but according to Esme’s sources, it was indeed her most often choice. Georgina even offered optometry consultation sessions there, in one of the rooms of Hotel Denouement, when she was staying there.

So that’s her business with Ernest Denouement, Esme thought.

A little digging into Ernest Denouement revealed that he and his twin Frank Denouement ran their family owned hotel. Despite the popularity of the hotel and how it was listed in travel books as one of the top choices for people visiting The City, the rumor around The City was that the twin brothers didn’t get along, presumably due to arguments about the management of the hotel and some financial-related reason.

****

When Esme heard that Georgina Orwell was in The City again, this time staying at Hotel Denouement and offering optometry consultation sessions, she immediately booked one.  She spoke to Georgina’s secretary on the phone when she called in to book an appointment - the secretary was a man who sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t recall where exactly had she heard this voice before.

The room at Hotel Denouement was pretty luxurious, and somehow the consultation session quickly turned into the two of them enjoying a bath in the huge, granite stone bathtub in the hotel room. After their first one-night-stand and subsequent no particular contact, it was surprisingly not awkward, and Esme was pleased to discover that on their second time meeting, they still got along rather splendidly.

The awkwardness came when Esme was ready to leave, stepping out of the room and into the corridor, and promptly running into Kit’s friend who Esme remembered also came to the theater occasionally. 

“Hello, Esme,” Bertrand said. “How was your session?”

It clicked.

“You’re the secretary!” She exclaimed.

The wheels in her head started spinning. Why was Kit’s friend - who was also part of Beatrice and Olaf’s group - working for Georgina? Did it mean Georgina was also one of VFD? Or she just happened to fall under the radar of VFD, who sent one of them along to spy on her for some reason? But also - when Georgina said that she recognized Esme from the papers, was that the whole truth? If Georgina knew Bertrand, who knew Beatrice’s little group, what’s the chance that she’d learned about Esme from them instead?

“I see you’ve met,” Georgina’s drawl came from behind Esme as the optometrist stepped out of the room.

“Do you also know Beatrice?” Esme blurted out.

Georgina sighed, long-sufferingly. “Unfortunately.”

Bertrand’s mouth twisted, just a little.

“I find her quite overrated,” Georgina added, and Esme found herself soothed, her posture relaxing.

“Beatrice often inspired strong emotions from people,” Bertrand says. “People either love or hate her.”

“I don’t,” Georgina said blandly. “I do not care for her enough to hate her. I just find her overrated. Run along, now. I won’t be needing you for the rest of the day.”

Bertrand’s eyes narrowed slightly, before he nodded and said, “As you wish, G.”

For a moment, Esme thought that she saw fury spreading across Georgina’s eyes - so fast that she wondered if she’d imagined it.

The initial was what clued Esme in to the fact that Georgina was most likely one of them - not a theater person like Beatrice and Olaf, but part of the bigger group they were all in - the mysterious group called VFD that Esme was still not completely sure what they were, aside from that Beatrice was apparently a beloved figure in the group, and therefore they probably all had terrible tastes or something.

Well, at least Georgina didn’t seem to care for Beatrice.

But still, knowing that Georgina was part of this VFD - Esme suddenly wasn’t sure what to think.

****

Ernest was one of the first people to know about Georgina’s betrayal of VFD.

Of course, Georgina herself didn’t call it betrayal - first of all, she claimed that one had to have loyalty in the first place for it to become a betrayal. Secondly, she was certainly not joining the firestarters like he had, as she’d repeatedly clarified to him. In fact, she found them to be just as distasteful as the volunteers. But she didn’t mind working with them, when there were mutual benefits, just like she didn’t mind continuing working with the volunteers, given enough benefits.

“I’m a free agent,” she would often say, and Ernest would scoff at that, because it was easier to pretend to be contemptuous of that and think that they were all bound in one way or another. Easier than admitting to himself the fact that she was indeed very, very much free in comparison to him.

Ernest’s bosses had taken interest in the new actress who started hanging out around Beatrice and Olaf at the theaters, saying that she had potential. Esme. Ernest had read the file on her, and how his bosses thought that she could not only be an excellent addition to their side, but also used to recruit Olaf, if they played it right.

Ernest had been to the social gathering to observe Esme, and also bringing in Georgina Orwell for her expertise. Georgina may not be a people person, but she did know how to read people, and was one of the most intelligent volunteers Ernest had met back in VFD, and also one who had loose morals and did not mind working for different sides.

Georgina agreed to the job, but aside from her usual payment, she also added in a condition - she wanted to sleep with Esme. Apparently, the high and mighty, cool and condescending optometrist had taken interest in the novice actress.

Personally, Ernest couldn’t see the appeal. But he couldn’t see the appeal of Beatrice Baudelaire either, and look how many people are flocking towards her. So to each of their own, he thought. Plus, it might make convincing Esme to join them easier - presumably after Georgina got bored and agreed to hypnotize the actress into cooperating with their side.

After the first night, Ernest quickly realized that Georgina had kept the information of herself being in any way related to VFD away from Esme. When asked, she just frowned impatiently and said that it was simpler. Plus, apparently Esme did not like VFD very much despite not knowing much about it yet - good for your side, by the way, she added as she gave Ernest a look - so it was simpler if she didn’t know my connection to it. Even if I’m far from loyal to it, she added lazily.

“If she kept hanging out with Baudelaire and her merry crew,” Ernest warned. “She might find out eventually anyway. You best be prepared for it.”

Georgina shrugged. “Well, she’s pretty, but I’m sure I can always find someone else to occupy my free time.”

Despite Georgina’s words, though, Ernest knew that Georgina quite liked Esme, and while she would have no problems moving on, she’d also prefer to enjoy this a little longer when she still could.

****

In the end, Esme didn’t find out about Georgina’s VFD connections through Beatrice, but rather Bertrand.

Or perhaps Georgina herself was partly to blame, Ernest thought, for allowing Esme to come over to the hotel, where she knew that Esme most definitely could run into Bertrand, who was currently Georgina’s secretary when she’s in The City. Or maybe Georgina wasn’t aware that Esme and Bertrand had personally met before, or thought that simply having Bertrand as secretary didn’t necessarily imply that she was part of VFD, and that she could probably mislead Esme into thinking that her employment of Bertrand was something outside of VFD business.

And from what he found out later after, it was probably Esme’s assumption, until Bertrand called Georgina by her initial “G” instead of “Dr. Orwell” in front of Esme.

An almost amateur mistake that Ernest knew he wouldn’t have made in front of people who weren’t aware of VFD’s existence.

In fact, he was almost sure that it was done on purpose - Ernest knew from Frank that VFD had taken notice of Georgina and Esme’s mutual interest in each other, and considered it a concern, and there had been talk of wanting to do something about it, introduce distrust between them so the two formidable woman with looser morals don’t teamup. Whether Bertrand was under specific orders to reveal Georgina’s VFD connections, or knew of the general consensus and made a quick decision when he was given the opportunity, Ernest wasn’t sure.

It didn’t really matter either way, now that it’s done, but it certainly caused some troubles for him, as an irritated Georgina Orwell meant more work on top of his busy enough schedule.

Ernest sighed, and then rolled onto his side on his king-sized bed, inching closer to the other occupant on the bed.

“You know,” he murmured into the side of Bertrand’s neck. “You do what you have to do, I don’t mind that. But you’re going to need to make it up to me.”

He could hear the hint of a smile in Bertrand’s voice when he replied, “Promise?”

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Okay your recent post just gave me an imagine idea; reader (platonically, of course!) trying to befriend Skid and Pump and trying their hardest, and having to prove to Lemon Demon that they're good enough for his kids-

"You can be our friend!!”

“Oh..I can?”

“Yeah!” The young skeleton child grinned. “You are spooky enough for us! And you sing good! So we wanna have you in our family!”

You looked at Skid and Pump, surprised at how easily they accepted your friendship. Then again they loved Halloween--wearing their costumes all year round--and your outfit was apparently “spooky” enough to meet their standards.

Though you saw Pump lean over to whisper something to his friend. “I don’t think he would agree so easily, Skid. They gotta prove themselves.”

“Who’s he?”

The pair became startled, as though forgetting you were standing right there, before Pump grinned. “The spookiest of us all!”

“Yeah! Lemony!! He’s our dad and he’d love to meet you!”

Before you could question them any further, they turned and called out to their supposed “father”.

“Who goes there?”

You tensed at the eerie-sounding voice, looking to see a tall black-furred monster slink out from the shadows. His entire head was made up of a lemon with dark eyes and a maw full of bloody human teeth. 

There was such a creepy aura to him, and he reeked of citrus and old pennies. ‘No way could this guy be in a costume, too...’  You suddenly began shivering, hoping it was just from a draft and not from fear.

Every part of you wanted to run, but you stood still, not wanting to provoke him or hurt the kids’ feelings in any way. “H-Hello there..”

“Ah, so you brought another tasty snack?” The demon leaned down, his maw already salivating.

“Oh no, no!” Pump frantically waved his hands in front of him. “Lemon, this is [y/n]! We want them as part of our family! Like a umm....uh....”

“Spooky cousin!”

“Yeah! A spooky cousin!” 

Lemon Demon appeared disappointed as he glanced back at you, before looking down at the pair once more. “You know I won’t just let anyone in...you two haven’t forgotten the ritual, right?” His eyes narrowed, the corners of his mouth stretching with each word.

They both nodded and turned back to you, with Skid jumping onto Pump’s head. “That’s right! You have to have a spooky sing-off with us!” The latter brought out a microphone. “If you win, you’ll be accepted 100 percent!!”

“But if you lose..well..he’ll probably eat you,” Skid added grimly before his smile returned. “Whatdya say?”

“Fine...I’ll accept this challenge--” A brief crash of thunder from outside startled you, but you managed to calm yourself as you took out your own microphone.

Music began playing throughout the house as the pair began singing, before it was your turn. They did some silly little dance to distract you, though you managed to stay focused and sing your heart out.

Once the music was finished, they looked like they were sweating bullets. Skid practically fell off of Pump in exhaustion, but their smiles still persisted as they applauded you, declaring you as the winner.

However your victory was short-lived as you realized there was one more challenger.

“Very good, but..now it’s my turn..”

You turned to face Lemon Demon, who approached you with a wide smile. “I will enjoy making a meal out of you once I’m through~”

“Not a chance.” Huffing, you stood tall and refused to let him intimidate you. 

If this was the key to winning his and the kids’ trust, then so be it. You’ll win through the power of song.

“Then let us begin...guess it’s time, you better plug in all your nightlights~”

[ourlittlesecretokay]

have you ever noticed that Lemony Snicket is an unreliable narrator? ASOUE is told from his very biased perspective and we know he hates Olaf, but also little details like how he calls Jaques Snicket really handsome and how he calls Olaf gross and ugly even though they have similar features to the point of almost being mistaken for one another or how most others call Olaf handsome makes me think he might not look like what we grew up with. TLDR: Olaf might actually be hot and LS just lied to us

*rattles the bars of my cage* you have no idea. I mean, on a meta level, dan has said that olaf is the age when "children think an adult is old" so like, there's every chance this stinky decrepit ancient man is just, like, 40.

There's just something wonderful about Lemony writing about his sister's ex bf who tortured B's kids like "also he was super ugly and stupid and I cant even look at him without crying and throwing up" Like, yeah. Get his ass.

[kaiyaki-sano]

Looks Like How I Feel About Your Lips(Spike Spiegel x Reader fluff)

HIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!

This is my very first fic on here, and it's for my angel @lemony-snickers who shares my egregious love for Spike Spiegel.

A little fluff-oneshot just for you, I hope you like it!!!!!

CW: swearing but otherwise just sickening tooth-rotting cuteness and fluff.

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"Are you kidding me, Jet?! You can't call something one thing, and then serve something entirely different! Now, what am I supposed to do?!" You could hear Spike's voice booming through the walls of the kitchen, right into the bedroom the two of you shared.

Ah, yes, Jet's signature. He really did take pleasure in raising your boyfriend's blood pressure, but you couldn't stop yourself from cracking a smile too.

"One day, Spike, I'm gonna hand you a plate of food and you'll be grateful. Or maybe, I'll just give you a nice kick to the-"

"Thank you, Jet, for your salmon sushi, without any salmon or seaweed. So. Very. Much. You're a treasure to all of us, really."

You always did love Spike's talent with dry sarcasm.

His unique angry footsteps echoed down the hall as he approached the bedroom, opening the door with his elbow as he held two plates of the "sushi".

Before you could say anything through your mischievous grin, he held your plate over his head as a playful warning.

"One sliver of attitude from you and this rice ball delicacy is mine," he threatened, cherry brown eyes narrowed and twinkling with mirth.

"Fine, fine!" You reached for your plate, grunting at why God has favorites and made him so fucking tall.

"Aww, what's the matter my little Mochi? Can't reach?" He smirked, taking pity at your wide-eyed pout and handing over your meal, "You're lucky that I love you so much."

"Okay, I know Jet is out of his mind by even daring to call this sushi. This is...shaped rice." Your nose scrunched, irritated. But you were also starving, so you popped the whole thing into your mouth anyway. "I lo'you hoo," you managed around a mouthful of the sticky grains, earning an amused laugh from Spike.

"Come again?" he teased, cupping a large hand around his ear and leaning closer.

"I said," you swallowed your food, and grabbed the next chunk of rice, smushing it into his face.

"You little fucking menace, you."

Before you could think of a response through your hysterical laughter at his facial reaction, he had you swiftly pinned under him on the bed you shared.

With a maniacal grin, he leaned down and rubbed his face all over yours. Rice was squished and smeared all over your face now too, and he had a tight lock on your wrists so you couldn't even push him away.

"SPIKE!!!!!" You squealed, thrashing your head back and forth, laughter raising in octaves and volume, "You bastard, stop it!!"

"You will never out-menace the master," he announced, beaming at your rosy cheeks and feeling his heart swell at your sweet playful giggling. Just to hear it some more, he leaned down and licked a stripe up the side of your cheek, gathering the rice there and eating it.

Your jaw dropped in disbelief, and you couldn't help but absolutely lose it once again.

"You're an animal, Spiegel. You belong in a zoo."

"Will you be my zookeeper, then? Promise I won't eat you, unless..." he winked, enjoying that he could still make you blush with his flirty one-liners.

"I suppose," you giggled again, pulling him down by his thick locks and humming delightedly when he met you for a loving kiss.

His lips moved effortlessly against yours, he knew exactly how to kiss you. In fact, he made it an art form to leave you absolutely breathless.

"I love you, so very much."

"I love you more, my sweet space girl."

[kitsnicket]

Okay so I was thinking about how the Baudelaires seem to give up trying to get help from the adults around them a little too quick in the early series. Like, still totally in the realm of reasonable, but for kids supposedly raised in a healthy, supportive household... hmm. So THEN I got to think about why THAT could be. And then I thought about what B+B’s childhoods must have been like. And while obviously they loved their kids and I’m sure they always did their best to make sure they were safe and loved, they also were constantly aware that their kids were in danger from VFD.

Now, other, much smarter people have already talked about how this probably fed into thing like them encouraging the kids to see themselves as a unit, and telling Violet to protect her siblings. But I think about how B+B definitely had trust issues from being raised in an organization that put such an emphasis on spying and disguises and subterfuge. And how there’s no way they trusted authorities, because I highly doubt that VFD authority was warm and fuzzy with it’s members, and they of course you can’t trust the government or anything when you technically work for a criminal organization. And of course, even anyone who leaves VFD will still have all that baggage. So I imagine that B+B probably instilled a distrust of authority in their kids too. Mostly unintentionally—when Klaus is getting bullied at school, they don’t even THINK to advise him to go to a teacher, etc. But there also must have been moments where, say, Violet makes some kind of comment. I have no idea what, but something that demonstrates trust in authority, ig? And Beatrice sits her down and explains to her that sometimes you can’t trust authority figures. Most of the time, actually. And she probably got similar talks when SHE was a kid, and looking back on it she thinks that maybe the driving force behind those was self-preservation, to make sure the little volunteers don’t accidentally get them busted for VFD activity. But Beatrice is literally only trying to protect her daughter, in the only way she knows how.

Oh I LOVE thinking about how Beatrice and Bertrand’s VFD upbringing influenced how they parented. I just wanna say real quick that I’m writing the rest of this reply under the assumption/headcanon that B&B left VFD entirely because they disagreed with the organization in some big way. I don’t think we’re ever explicitly told in canon if this is the case so I wanted to make it clear I’m working off my own, non-canon thoughts for this headcanon.

While we’re not explicitly told how vfd affected their parenting, there are little moments in canon that, imo, hint at some sort of influence (I’m thinking specifically of when Violet mentions Beatrice taught her stage makeup[I think it was how to make a scar?]). It makes total sense to me. When you’re raised with certain morals and ideals, simply leaving the place/organization that instilled those things doesn’t make them go away immediately. The headcanon that VFD’s influence is still there despite B&B leaving is a perfect example of how an organization like VFD endures.

I think this is related to what lemony was talking about in ATWQ when he recited his (plagiarized) speech.

VFD has its code books and headquarters and disguise kits and other tangible things that are part of it. These things can be easily burned, torn, otherwise ruined, but none of them are VFD’s core. It’s core is the set of beliefs, morals, and ideals the members all collectively believe in and pass down to new members(brainwashing if we’re talking cults). You can’t kill the intangible. At least, not easily. Lemony was hinting at this when he said “We’ve had different names throughout history, but all words that describe us are false and all attempts to organize us fail. Right now we’re called VFD, but all our schisms and arguments might cause us to disappear. It won’t matter. People like us always slip through the net. Our true home is the imagination, and our kingdom is the wide open world”

So what did everything I said above have to do with B&B’s parenting? The headcanon that it was entrenched in VFD values means they were unconsciously ensuring VFD’s survival just simply by raising children. Despite the fact that they may have thought they were raising them as far from VFD as possible. It’s a horribly sad HC to be quite honest.

[skellebonez]

oh sick, new prompt list! how about... 23 and/or 45 with more of tang being like a dad to the traffic light trio?

I took some liberty with the second prompt so while I used that one as inspiration it isn't directly in the fill, but the first one is left as is.

No, we’re going to talk about this now./You may technically be an adult, but you’re still my child.

"No," Tang said as he placed 3 cups of tea in front of the trio (plain green tea for Xiaotian, a sweeter lemony tea for Xiaojiao, and a spiced... very very spiced tea for Red Son). "We're going to talk about this now. I have nothing to do tomorrow, there's no need to make you wait for me. Whatever it is I'll listen."

Originally Xiaotian had called him up to ask him to brew some tea for them and bring them up some extra painkillers Pigsy had in the shop's first aid kit, but after a while Tang could tell something else was wrong by the way the tree whispered to each other and the way Xiaotian refused to get off the bed. It was just the four of them all cramped into Xiaotian's apartment, tiny little folding table set to the side of him in front of the three sitting on the bed and Tang, who sat in the chair normally kept at the desk. He took note of the... odd way Xiaotian was sitting and the strange hat Xiaojiao wore. She never seemed the type to wear beanies before.

The relief on their faces was a welcome sight, as peppered with nervousness as it was. It didn't matter if he was off work or had to get up for work in 5 hours, he would spend all night listening to them if it would make them feel better. If anyone were to question if he was tired or didn't show up he wouldn't have any hesitation to tell them it was a "family emergency" because to him? That was close enough to the truth anyway. His kids needed to talk and that took priority.

But he told them the truth to make them, hopefully, feel less pressured to rush or not tell him the entire truth.

"So... uh..." Xiaotian started, looking over at the two sitting to either side of him. "You see... uh... you know a lot about Sun Wukong." He paused.

"Yes," Tang said slowly at the odd statement. "I do."

"And you know a lot about demons and Heaven and all that stuff."

Tang didn't like where this line of statements was going. "Yes, I do. Why?"

"So we uh..." Xiaojiao chipped in. "We wanted to talk to Sun Wukong about this but he's off doing something and we didn't want to keep hiding it until he gets back and I really don't want to show my parents first because I think they'll freak out."

Red Son cleared his throat, looking at his two companions pointedly. "Just show him already before I go hunt down Wukong from wherever he ran off to myself."

OK, now that was weird. But nothing in comparison to Xiaojiao removing the beanie covering her head to reveal the tiny little dragon horns starting to peak out of her hair or Xiaotian moving to free the monkey tail he had hidden under his leg.

"Oooookay," Tang said after he good a second to stop the yelp of surprise that almost escaped him at the sight. Had they just shown him what was happening from nowehere he would have likely allowed his excitement to get the better of him, but he recognized just how much this was worrying the entire trio (Red's worry was more quiet but still clearly showcased by his sparking hair and the fact the tea in his cup was boiling). "OK, this is definitely related to your powers. You, uh, yeah talking to Wukong should be the first thing you do when he gets back. But whatever you need I'll do my best to be there for you." He trailed off, thinking of what he could possibly do at that moment before he realized something. "Is this why you both have acting off the last week?"

"Yeah," Xiaotian answered, jumping in surprise as his tail swiped against his wrist. "We've been trying to hide them until we've figured out how to really... process all this."

Xiaojiao gently poked her horns and winced. "I've had a headache since they started growing about a week ago. But I can handle it!" She added the last bit quickly. "Just knowing someone else knows makes me feel better. But could you maybe be there when I tell my parents?"

"Of course I can," Tang answered easily, watching with a smile as she relaxed. "Look, you're all adults and I know you can handle yourselves, but you all know I think of you as my kids. You can ask me for help with anything, it doesn't matter what it is. All of you." He looked at Red Son glancing down at the no longer boiling and now piping hot cup of tea.

"I know Mr. Tang," Red said with a much more calm expression now that the other two had relaxed at Tang's words.

"This means a lot to us... dad," Xiaotian said with a small smile.

"Thanks Tangy," Xiaojiao chipped in, normal chipper demeanor back in full force, chugging the rest of her tea in one gulp.

"I'm glad!" Tang smiled, taking the empty cup when held out to him. "But please, don't hide these anymore ok? I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it has been to hide those under clothes with how new they are. Red Son, since you have your full bull form I assume you've been helping them?"

"Of course."

"Good! Good. One last thing. "He lowered his voice, looking down slightly with a glint in his glasses. "If anyone says anything about them I will fight them myself. And they will lose."

"Mr. Tang, sometimes you are terrifying," Red Son said as Xiaojiao and Xiaotian froze in a mix of shock and amusement. "But damn you're cool when you are."

[bookaddict24-7]

I said at the beginning of the year that I would share my reviews more on my blog instead of just on Instagram and Goodreads. I’ve been reading a lot so far this year, so my reviews will be delayed on here. I upped it to 10 reviews per post so I can do most of the reviews before the end of the year!

Friend me on Goodreads here to read my reviews in real-time!

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227. Hunt for Jade Dragon by Richard Paul Evans--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in 2021! Michael had some out of character moments in this book, but it only served to remind me how young he is. There were some touching moments and also some moments where I couldn’t wait for the villain to be taken down. It’s interesting how they approached the setting for this one, but there were some slightly problematic comments made.

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228. Insomnia by Stephen King--⭐️⭐️

Okay, here's the thing: The audiobook didn't help the experience. The music was random and awful, but I'll admit it added to the creepy atmosphere. The story, however, was super weird. I know this is not saying much because King can really get creative with the weirdness, but this was like...so weird that I would zone out because I just wanted it to end. Of the few books I've read by him, this is my least favourite. I did appreciate the commentary on some of the topics explored, but the main story was just so odd. I did like the epilogue, though. I think it tied it all up nicely. I also loved the easter eggs for his other books, especially since the book is set in a town he's often used in his stories. If you're reading his stuff, know that this one is super random and chaotic. But it could still be someone else's favourite!

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229. Small Favor by Jim Butcher--⭐️⭐️⭐️

This one was just OK. It wasn't my least favourite so far, but it was down there. I think I was just bored for a bit and it lacked that connecting factor I've felt while listening to the other books. Hopefully I'll like book 11 more!

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230. The Grim Grotto by Lemony Snicket--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really liked this one! I've been seeing these kids grow up over the last few books and as the story gets closer to the ending, I can see where the changes are coming in. The three siblings have been through a lot, but they've also all grown together! I think this one also showed the importance of learning that there is a grey area when it comes to some people. There is obviously good and bad, but there's always the in between that makes you question that black and white mentality. Also, it's jarring seeing the two older siblings get old enough to start to have quasi-love interests (which is another reminder that these kids are growing up.)

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231. The Guncle by Steven Rowley--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this one with a mix of excitement and trepidation. One of my friends had read it and said that it was just OKAY. So, zero expectations? Yeah, that was me. But I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed this one! The little kids completely stole my heart and the MC's character growth and emotional journal really pulled at my heartstrings. I just wanted to give them all a hug, especially after everything they had gone through. He also sounded like such a fun uncle who had a lot of wise, although quirky, advice to give. I think I am taking one star off because there were certain things that were a little too convenient, and also it felt like there wasn't a very big...momentous event. I will be the first to admit that the climax or the approaching climax of a story usually gives me a ton of anxiety (which I felt whenever the MC's horrible sister came in), but I was expecting a bit...more? I'm happy with what I got, but I felt it was too easy. Overall, this gave me Raising Helen vibes but with a Guncle, and I really, really enjoyed it! I'd definitely recommend it for anyone looking for a heartfelt story about love, grief, family, and some surprisingly sage advice about life.

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232. It Had to be You by Gergia Clark--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

TW: Cheating, Transphobia This book called me single in so many ways...and I was okay with that. I was really close to DNFing this book because of how the two main characters connected. I was wary and disliked that they were essentially thrust together after unfortunate circumstances, so I was really close to pulling the DNF trigger. BUT I am so glad I didn't. I'm glad I went in with low expectations and just gave it a try. I read a few reviews when I was trying to make my decision and saw a lot of comparisons to films like Love Actually and Valentine's Day and I agree, especially the end where all of the climaxes were happening in the story (Not a pun). I found myself rooting for these couples and hoping that each of them had their happy ever afters. I also felt anger for those who were wronged, and I'll admit, I cried a couple of times. I listened to the audiobook and it was a full cast, so that helped with the unique narrative style, but I can totally understand why it might feel overwhelming if you're reading a physical copy! This book was an experience and it was just so...wholesome. I smiled, I laughed, I giggled, and felt all sorts of emotions. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I'm really happy that I gave it a shot!

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233. Klara & the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I read this one as part of a book club! One of the things I've been loving about being a part of a book club is how I'm being challenged to read books outside of the genres I usually pick up. This book, in particular, is something I might have never picked up if not for the book club! I really enjoyed Klara's story and while I had a feeling that it would break my heart, I continued on knowing that this story had so much more to offer than just tragedy. I like to think that this story was giving me an allegory regarding pollution--both physical and metaphorical; both natural and sociological. There is a scene (early in the story) where we are introduced to a machine that pollutes the sky (as it is described), but then we are introduced to the concept of children being "lifted" and I like to believe that this is society's pollution of wanting to better themselves, even if it means either destroying the host or the futures of the children who aren't changed (lifted). Of course, this is all me theorizing because even if I'm completely off base, I think there was too much importance placed on the sun and pollution for them not to mean more than what is on the page. There's a certain innocence to Klara that was both endearing and frustrating. Some of the characters were just complete jerks to her and I think it can easily be attributed to that fear of something different. To be honest, I also read this shortly after Elon Musk made his announcement about his self-learning chipped AIs, so that knowledge added a whole new layer to this experience (for me). I think knowing that Klara's world may not be that different from ours ten years from now makes this book both even sadder and more terrifying. Overall, it was interesting to see what the world looked like through the eyes of a relatively innocent AI. We get to see unbiased looks into the lives of the people around Klara's owners and we also get to observe with her. Although as a human, I can't help but feel strong emotions towards those who treated Klara badly, I got to also see things from her naive and non-judgmental perspective. For example, I disliked the child who owned Klara for how she was with those who mattered to her and Klara herself, but Klara was so dedicated and built to show her dedication that she would look at a situation logically and read what was happening rather than using judgment and emotions. I'd recommend this for those who want a story that features a surprisingly calming narrative (despite the sometimes chaotic emotions of those around Klara), and a story that follows an AI who is simply there to add company to her owners' lives.

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234. Bittersweet by Sarina Bowen--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

The beginning took me a bit to get into, but once the two characters reconnected, I was gone. That tension, those spicy scenes, and the classic Bowen touch made this book impossible to put down. The enemies to lovers trope was also great, because I am complete trash for that trope. One of the things I love about this book, also, is the lack of prolonged miscommunication tropes--characters actually communicate and if something goes wrong, they talk it out--like adults! No anxiety needed here while I read, thanks. Anyway, this was great and sexy and so, so good. Also, *cough*, have you seen that cover? ___

235. Summoned to Thirteenth Grave by Darynda Jones--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm giving this one my highest rating both because it's the last one (oh my gosh, I made it!), and because it had some seriously heartwarming moments! But also, whoa to the revelations that happened!! I wasn't expecting those, which shows me that even after 13 books, this author still kept the series fun and fresh!

I'm going to start Jones' next series hopefully soon (depending on the library wait time), and I have my theories about that series...especially since a big part of this series was left completely wide open.👀👀👀 I can't wait to read more of the same humour and the quirky but fun characters! This series was a ride and I'm sad to see it end. On to the next one! ____

236. What Strange Paradise by Omar El Akkad--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I listened to this as an audiobook. I will say that this is the kind of audiobook that you have to go back at certain points and re-listen because it's so easy to miss some of the smaller details. I'm glad I went back the few times I did because this story is completely worth it! We are introduced to two narratives and timelines--the present, where our MCs meet and begin their escape from the soldiers and officers hunting them down, and the doomed past where you already know what the fate of the people are based on the beginning of the book. The fact that we already have an idea of what is going to happen is not only absolutely heartbreaking, but it also piques one's morbid curiosity because you still have that small hope that this story will end differently. And that ending. Wow. That ending had me thinking and questioning a lot of what I'd just read--but it could also be an example of how unfortunately common the situation is. One thing I noticed in other reviews that I want to mention here (because I HAD to look it up after that conclusion) is the importance of seeing how both narratives follow the possible experiences a refugee might encounter. The fear and hope that might envelope them on their way to a new life, and the constant fear and hope of actually getting to stay in the new country they've arrived at. There's also this concept of how the new foreign world is put on a pedestal in comparison to how it actually is. How well you speak english and the way one's skin looks also is shown to be a big topic--as it should be. I remember hearing about family friends who left Cuba with the idea that living in North America would give them a better life, until they find themselves working multiple jobs because their degrees or past work experience sometimes doesn't apply in their new countries. My mother often comments on her own English and how people might not understand her when she talks, but refuses to believe me when I tell her that she's fine. I love that this book touches on these topics because they're often limited to the communities who actively live as either refugees or immigrants. If you want a story that explores the refugee crisis and how certain people are when faced with it, you might want to pick this one up. I've been trying to read more books about immigration and refugee stories and this one was definitely one of the more unforgettable ones. You might also want to end up punching some characters, but also admiring how others truly are when facing certain situations. Highly, highly recommend!

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237. Lord of Misrule by Rachel Caine--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will admit I liked this one a lot more than the past ones! I've contemplated not finishing this series, but I've had these books on my shelf for forever and well, the library has the audiobooks! SO, yeah.

Anyway, I liked this one more because Shane isn't a raging asshole and I liked the idea that things are changing and becoming more exciting in this town. Also, that ending has me asking questions! Most important of them all: imagine when these books were first coming out and each book finished in a way that made you think the next book was coming out the following week. ___

Have you read any of these? Would you recommend them? 

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Happy reading!