#a hopeful ending I guess

[strayheartless]

Anti-Hero: an ASGZC angst ficlet:

**A/N: I’m back at torturing Cloud again! This time by poking at his negative self talk and intrusive thoughts! If that’s triggering maybe give this one a miss! Also ⚠️trigger warning ⚠️ for panic attacks and Cloud having some issues with food (no ED but he’s depressed and struggling appetite loss), also I have highlighted a perceived possible power imbalance, but I want to make it clear that ASGZ take their power relation to Cloud seriously and rank does NOT get brought into the relationship.**

“It’s me, hi. I’m the problem it’s me. At tea time everybody agrees. I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be so exhausting always rooting for the Anti-Hero.” -Taylor swift, Anti-Hero

***

Cloud stirs his spoon through the soup Angeal has very kindly spent all afternoon cooking. It’s good, great even, it’s just a shame Clouds appetite abandoned him at the beginning of the week. He’d make up for it once he’s got his head on straight he promises himself, but right now he really can’t face eating all that much.

As he looks up through the hair curtaining his face he see’s his ridiculously beautiful boyfriends chat easily back and forth, swapping anecdotes about work or missions they’ve been on. Cloud has nothing to add. His job is seriously lacking in interesting anecdotes compared to actual first class SOLDIERS. If he opened his mouth to speak he knew he’d only be met with polite smiles and internal cringing on his own part.

He was nothing compared to these literal gods among men. Sometimes it was enough to make him feel like a mako monster sat at a dinner party. You could put lipstick on a wererat but that didn’t change the fact it was a rabid animal.

He looked back down again, trying desperately to convince himself to at least swallow a spoonful. Anything to let Angeal know the food was appreciated. Next to him, Zack laughed easily and slid an arm across the back of clouds chair; his own soup demolished.

“There’s no way you let them get away with anything less than Latrine duty!” He pressed, and Cloud realised he had no idea what the conversation was about… he’d zoned out too hard.

“Oh I had them on worse than that!” Genesis replied, and Zack lifted his hand off of the chair back to scratch at Clouds nape. “I’ve court martialed men for less.”

“You’ve set men aflame for less” Sephiroth pointed out.

The hand in Clouds hair felt like too much. The conversation was grating at him for no reason. For one horrifying second Cloud felt a yell well up in his throat before he stamped it down viciously and tried to wrestle his expression into something attentive.

He moved forward just a touch making Zack’s hand fall lazily between his shoulder blades, in a move that seemed like he was simply leaning into his own bowl. Zack at least, didn’t seem to notice or catch the discomfort in his face. Instead he mildly watched Cloud shove his spoon into his mouth and force himself to swallow.

The soup tried to force its way back up in protest but Cloud swallowed hard against the feeling. He would not make himself look like more of a fool than he already was.

How could he think he belonged here? How could he think he could possibly date these men who had achieved more in one year then Cloud was capable of in a lifetime. How could he simply sit here and play at being anything more than what he was… a lesser being.

Cloud wanted to push himself away from the table and run. Just throw open the door and go find a nice cave to hole up in. Maybe in twenty years time he could re-emerge and pretend he’d never tried to be more than he was.

His hands started shaking, the spoon falling from his grasp and making a loud clattering sound against the rim of the plate.

He was having a panic attack.

Shit.

“Cloud?” Angeal was looking at him with his beautiful mako ringed eyes. Cloud could hear his own breath trying to break his chest cavity open. He grasped at the neck of his t’shirt frantically trying to claw it away from his throat. It felt like he was being choked.

Every eye in the room was on him. Genesis had placed his wine glass on the table; Sephiroth’s hand on his arm, having apparently silently pulled his attention to Clouds pathetic display. Zack was leaned forward and rubbing at Clouds back.

“Stop!” Cloud cried out. “Stop! Stop touching me I- I can’t,” he panted and Zack pulled his and away fast, giving a placating apology.

“Darling,” Genesis spoke soft but firm. “You need to breath,”

Oh, Cloud wanted to throw something at him. He wanted to spit in Gen’s face and rage that he didn’t have the perfect control that they did. Instead he pressed the heel of his hand into his breast bone and leaned heavily against the table top. The feeling in his chest was getting worse, the elastic band on his lungs tightening.

Angeal, slipped deftly off of his chair and knelt to the side of Clouds own, taking the hand that was curled, white knuckled, against the edge of the table.

“Here,” he murmured, placing Clouds hand against his own chest. “Follow my breathing,”

Angeal took a deep breath in, held it and then let it out slowly. He kept up a steady stream of reassurances as he did so, making sure Cloud knew he was safe and that the attack would pass.

“Good, you’re doing so good Storm Cloud,”

The pet name was something Angeal had picked up from Claudia last time they’d visited Nibelheim, and much to Clouds outward irritation, but inward pleasure, he’d started using it at home too. It had a pretty settling affect on Cloud, as his brain registered the name as something safe. Something innocent.

“That’s it,” the ravenette cooed. “Easy does it, there you go.”

Once the immediate danger of passing out had passed, Cloud tried to pull himself into the smallest ball possible on the uncomfortable dining room chair. He tucked his feet just under his butt and wrapped his arms around his knees, hiding his face between them.

Was he ever not going to embarrass himself in front of them? He guessed not.

“Sunshine, what’s going on?” Zack was touching him again. Just a light touch of his finger tips to Clouds elbow, but it felt more grounding then before.

“Imtoomuchofawasteofspacetobedatingallofyouanditmakesmewanttocraoutofmyskin,” Cloud didn’t lift his head or try to enunciate properly. The exhaustion had made his accent thicken and his brain feel like it was filled with treacle. It was seeping out of his ears.

“I’m sorry, we don’t speak mumble.” Genesis ribbed lightly.

“Gen,” Angeal said warningly.

“Cloud, you need to speak clearly. If we can’t understand we can’t help” Sephiroth said in place of Genesis’ retort.

Cloud looked up a little and whispered “you shouldn’t be dating me.”

“Oh for goddess sake!”

“Genesis!” Angeal warned sharply this time. He turned his attention back to Cloud. “Baby why would you think that?”

Next to him, Zack had made a pained sound and pulled Clouds chair closer to him so he could wrap his arms around the smaller man. It didn’t feel as overwhelming this time, but it also didn’t feel deserved.

Cloud shrugged helplessly. “I just feel like I’m some kind of broken monster dressed up like a real person… I don’t feel like I can match up to what you guys are,”

The sentence hung in the air between them like a loaded gun. They were all aware of how their individual ranks within Shinra effected their relationship with Cloud.

Between the four firsts it wasn’t such an issue. Sure there was a hierarchy to follow while at work but that got left at the door. They were all first class. They all were working at similar levels.

With Cloud it was different. He was Infantry and while he may have been working towards third class with more clear cut success this time, it didn’t change the fact that they were operating at a very different level.

There were things, information, they were all privy to that Cloud was not authorised to know. Conversations that had to be cut short when he entered a room. It was incredibly isolating to be on the outside of that while pretending to be in a fair and equal relationship.

“You surpass us all darling,” Genesis leaned over the table and placed his hand on Clouds.

“I don’t. I’m not even a SOLDIER…”

“And what does that matter? You are strong in other ways. Besides, with all the work we’ve put into you these bast months and then knew research on mako sensitivity you are sure to pass.”

Clouds frown deepened.

“Don’t you feel used? Like I’m just using you to achieve my goals?”

It was Sephiroths turn to roll his eyes impatiently.

“Are you?” He asked

“No! Bu-“ Seph cut him off.

“Cloud getting into SOLDIER is not about how you utilise the resources available to you. It’s about your physical ability. We could put all the effort in the world in you and it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t meet the requirements,” he said, “you are not using us, and we would not let ourselves be used. Zack can tell you himself that his progression into SOLDIER was mostly possible because of Angeal.”

Zack huffed in amusement. “Hate to admit it spikes but he’s right. If Angeal hadn’t taken an interest in me I wouldn’t have gotten far at all.”

“That’s not true,” Cloud narrowed his eyes but Zack just shook his head at him.

“No it is. Before Angeal I was scrawny, hyperactive, undisciplined and really fucking forgetful. Ang used to say I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.”

Angeal chuckled, “not much has changed really,”

“Aside from all of that nonsense,” Genesis pressed on irritated at being sidecarred. “We have never, and will never see you as less than. You could put in your voluntary withdrawal tomorrow and we’d still love you and want you with us. It’s not your status we love Cloud it’s you.”

Cloud blushed deeply. Love. It’s funny how a four letter word can kamikaze straight into the side of his insecurities and drag them off a cliff.

They loved him. He kept forgetting that.

“I love you too,” he murmured staring deep into Gens eyes. The red head smiled at him adoringly, and Angeal placed a hand on the back of Clouds neck.

“Then stop playing the roll of the anti hero,” he squeezed once, tight enough to send sparks down Clouds spine.

“Okay,” said Cloud “I’ll try.”

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

[ovenproofowl]

i'm dying over that reveal. truly. truly. because on paper, the concept that ruby's mother was just an ordinary person and what made her so special was this belief everyone had feeding into her own mythology, creating something larger than life, is actually pretty cool. and, yeah, from wild blue yonder we know the doctor absolutely handed the power of suggestion over to an unknown entity that made it something tangible.. so it works.

sort of

but like. that 15 year old girl decided to drop her baby off at a church in the middle of the night in the most ostentatious, medieval looking cloak and then proceed to point mencingly at the road sign on the off chance the security camera would pick her up and that would somehow give someone the idea to name her daughter after said road sign??

i'm just saying... if that's the way you handle giving your baby up for adoption then there is absolutely nothing ordinary about you

[theoldkyokodied]

One wedding and three funerals

Background paintings under the cut

[puppyeared]

act 4 :(

@chipper-smol and i came to a realization

[cloudpalettes]

// link click s2 spoilers

reprise

[sansainthesnow]

And I want you to know, and to feel in your soul, that someone has come and gone. ALICENT HIGHTOWER APPRECIATION WEEK 2024 DAY FOUR → fashion • change • colours

[madootles]

tma tma tma

[nataliesscatorccio]

YELLOWJACKETS

[youareabeautypj]

whats his name again i think it started wth a d

[myosotewitch]

Okey, you know what? When Athena and Odysseus had a talk after reuniting with each other, and Athena asks about a world with more empathy? If that would be a better world?

Well, Odysseus can’t no longer see this world, too much happened. In order to get home, he had to abandon every bit of empathy he ever had. So he can’t make a change with Athena anymore.

But you know who can?! Telemachus! I mean, now he is the Warrior of the Mind, and the life hadn’t destroyed him, he can see empathy and he can participate in building this new world. And he can carry legacy that Odysseus had to gave up, and it’s just a beautiful circle. Where the father throws away what he could wanted to built, the son picks it up.

[willczek-art]

NPMD Tarot - The Hierophant

Others from the series: The Devil, The Lovers, The Star, Strength, The World

Symbolism + some WIP/alternatives are under the cut C:

My intuition put Grace as the High Priestess, but from what I've read it's more about spirituality and intuition, while the Hierophant is all about strong traditional beliefs and ruling/leading, so it fits her way better! :D

Left side/Beginning has the dance cancellation sign, since that was her mission and Max was her first victim, while on the right/Ending is Jason and the Black Book, her mission and source of power has changed.

Halo= superiority, holy mission, Red as a sign of danger/death to come (which is why the light it's only on the boys)

She's sitting on what's supposed to be the bleachers C:

Doodles:

[mammoth-clangen]

Ok so technically Summit won but i have no self control so u get Steppe Prowl as well, bc she has already has a ref from her debut >:3

Ice Fangs have both a given name and a surname, which are passed from mother to daughter and father to son (trans individuals can decide which parent they prefer to take after, or which children are given theirs, ie: Summit took his father's) This will be explained in comic too but it's not a spoiler so i have decided you are allowed to know as part of the teaser cx

Important: No, these two having refs does not mean they will inherently be joining the Kindred! As you can imagine that would cause quite a stir XD

Enjoy this meme i made months ago while drawing Moon 6 X'D

[valgeristik]

Ничего не останется от нас, Нам останемся, в лучшем случае, мы

hi. hello. listen to this song

i have so many thoughts about these two. oh my god. maybe i will write it out some day, but for now drawing it out will do

translation will be under the cut! knowing the words does add to the work so i do recommend reading it. or just enjoy the art <3

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E-sims donation

heres the translation, color coded according to how i broke it up for the art. just in casies

first page:

Love is scarier than war

Love strikes more true than steel

second page:

More true, because of your own volition

third page:

You run towards all the winds

Let there be pain and eternal battle

Not atmospheric, not earthly

fourth page:

But definitely with you

caption:

There will be nothing left of us,

we will be left with, in the best case, ourselves

[littlebittyhollowbugs]

I will never love any interpretation of Ghost, Hollow and Hornet more than I love the interpretation of them being ultimately good, fighting for peace for everyone around them, caring deeply for Hallownest (or what remains of Hallownest at least) and caring deeply for each other and peace for their family at last.

I love kind Ghost.

Ghost who goes out of the way to gift flowers to lonely bugs.

Ghost who will rescue Zote whenever given the opportunity, without thanks or any form of reward.

Ghost who rescues grubs because they are trapped and crying to be freed.

Ghost who despite having limited ability of expression, will find some way to convey appreciation for others. (Sitting beside them. Listening to them talk or sing. Bowing out of respect.)

Ghost who is excited when in the company of good friends.

Ghost who spares the life of the nailsmith.

Ghost who mourns the loss of those fallen.

Ghost who eventually remembers their past, remembers being abandoned by their sibling, and still chooses to fight, to do everything that it takes, to free the hollow knight. To put an end to their suffering. To take Hollow's place, or to die.

There is no reward for this. There is nothing to gain. Ultimately Ghost is willing to suffer forever or to die in order to give others peace.

Ghost makes many many mistakes, and can make selfish or reckless decisions, but ultimately, Ghost is forgiving and loving.

I love Hollow who genuinely wants the people of Hallownest to be at peace. (Ironically just wanting that alone made it impossible for Hollow to grant them that peace.

But still, Hollow wants that.)

Hollow who loves Hallownest. Who loves their father and who loves his kingdom.

Hollow who is relentless in protecting it. Who would suffer for over a hundred years protecting whatever there is that can possibly be saved.

Hollow who has had the radiance influencing it all that time. The radiance who hates the king, who hates his people. Who tried to convince it to hate them to.

Hollow who loves them regardless.

Who feels empathy for everyone. Who understands their suffering more than anyone and wants nothing more than for them to have peace.

Hollow who, after finally being freed, chooses to live a kind life. To be understanding and gentle.

Who has every right to be bitter and angry and closed off, but who, after finally receiving the opportunity to live, to actually live, chooses to find everything good left in the world that they fought so hard for.

Hollow who learns to love openly and to no longer be afraid.

Hollow who is eventually excited to be able to express love in small ways.

Hollow is stalwart and just. But kind.

Hornet who, despite everything that she went through, despite losing so much, nearly everything, continues to stand and to fight for life because it still matters to her.

Hornet who fights to honor those that she lost, especially her mother.

Hornet who is hesitant to be hopeful, but is hopeful anyway.

Hornet who is hesitant to form any friendships out of fear that she will lose them, But who longs for friendship, for family..

Hornet who is proud of her siblings, who loves them despite not wanting to, who feels guilt knowing that the fate of the kingdom must rely on them.

Hornet who will rush in to assist her siblings in their final battle, knowing that she may very well die.

Hornet who, after given the opportunity to be with her siblings again, wants nothing more than to help them heal. For them all to heal.

Hornet who loves and is loved in return.

Ghost and Hollow who love, and are loved in return.

A little broken family that understands each other, understands that nothing that happened to any of them was fair, and who forgive each other, who love each other because after all this time..

They finally can.

Not one of them is without their (sometimes severe) flaws. Not one of them isn't damaged after everything that has happened.

And still they choose love.

This quote by Mary Shelley captures my interpretations of the siblings perfectly.~

"Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it”

[steviewashere]

CW: Infertility (Coming from my own experience just...with a uterus.)

Thinking right now about Steve who wants his own family really bad, but finds out he's 100% infertile.

He only finds out after a failed marriage. His first marriage. Has a beautiful, wonderful, just absolutely incredible wife who accepts everything about his past—stuff he won't talk about and otherwise. Yet, the one thing they knew for certain was a definite in their relationship was children. However, for some reason (that I don't have), his wife rejects the idea of adopting children. So they try. They try and try and try.

Eventually, they get their eggs and sperm analyzed. Her eggs are healthy, her uterus is fine, no complications associated with her ovaries.

Steve, in his next visit, finds out he's infertile. It's not genetically caused. His parents were very fertile, just decided to have only one child. And—maybe due to some Upside Down bullshit; bat bites being untreated, injuries being too traumatic—his sperm production and his sperm vitality are completely destroyed.

He's devastated, of course he is. Brings it up to his wife. They agree to go their separate ways because this was something they both wanted, but now can't have.

And then he just floats about for a while. Quiet and disheartened.

He goes back to Hawkins and bumps into Eddie. Now, I'm thinking, personally, that this isn't some romance story. They're strictly platonic in this scenario (for now).

They get to talking and somewhere in the conversation, Steve's infertility comes up. Eddie tries to gently explain to him that there's other options to have children. "Foster care," he says, "it's where I was for a while. You can adopt from an orphanage, from a hospital. There's always the option for surrogacy, y'know. A lot of different"—

"Eds," Steve interrupts, "I appreciate this, but I...I don't want to talk about it anymore. It hurts too much to think about."

"Sorry," Eddie apologizes.

Steve just shakes his head, resigned. "It's not your fault," he murmurs, "guess I'm just upset that my body doesn't work the way it's supposed to."

"Not everybody's works the way it's supposed to, Steve."

"Yeah," he whispers, "but I was sorta hoping my own would."

There's a lull in the conversation. A long while of just silence and a cigarette being passed and the gentle rustle of trees around them. Outside, in the Forest Hills trailer park, staring down a set of rusted swings.

"How do you think I should handle this, Eddie?"

"Hm?"

"This...this body issue. What am I supposed to do about it? I'm, like...like grieving over nothing."

"You grieve, Steve," Eddie answer simply, "you get angry and you cry. That's all you can really do."

"I don't want to be angry, though. I want...I want to be happy. I want my dream to come true! I want"—he sighs and swallows and looks on ahead of him. To a place he once visited constantly when he still lived full-time in Hawkins, not just passing through. Out on a town that he once called home, a place where he couldn't be the person he wanted to be. Couldn't get what he needed.—"I want to love my kid in a way I never got."

And Eddie looks to him. To his profile. Shuffles closer, cigarette out on the porch. Arm wrapping over Steve's shoulders, tugging him in. "I know," Eddie whispers, "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm really, really sorry."

"It's not your fault, Eds."

"It's not yours either."

He keeps staring out. To a place that was hopeful. Where his dreams bared new. When things seemed reasonable and he could face everything head-on and knew exactly what he wanted for himself. A future of laughter and soft lullabies and hugs warm enough to soothe the world.

There'll be other chances. But not now. Not when he's like this.

"I know," he merely mutters, "I know."