#a grocery store clerk is not famous

[damneddualities]

Not really as a relationship in this regard denotes a continuing infatuation not a one off instance. Parasocial relationships can also be referred to as interactions as a way to denote the true lack of awareness of existence for the affected individual (the one receiving the attention versus supposedly giving it by doing their job as someone in media).

Parasocial relationships can be entirely neutral but they can also greatly and negatively impact your life. When regarding parasocial relationships the most important aspect is to be aware that it is in fact parasocial. When it starts affecting someone outside of their media interaction such as in personal relationships or with their mental health then it needs to be addressed as soon as possible

Like I said above, parasocial relationships can just be neutral you don’t have to have a positive or negative emotion attached to the person or entity in question for it to count as parasocial it can literally just be intrigue. That being said,thinking about the grocery store clerk who wished you a nice day and feeling happy isn’t really parasocial in the way that the previous poster seems to think.

i have news to break about parasocial relationships. everyone has them. oh did you get happy when you remembered the grocery store clerk who wished you a nice day a year ago? congratulations you've got a parasocial relationship. it's completely normal and something we all do. the word y'all are looking for is "invasive".

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Meatspace twiddling

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me next weekend (Mar 30/31) in ANAHEIM at WONDERCON, then in Boston with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then Providence (Apr 12), and beyond!

"Enshittification" isn't just a way of describing the symptoms of platform decay: it's also a theory of the mechanism of decay – the means by which platforms get shittier and shittier until they are a giant pile of shit.

I call that mechanism "twiddling": this is the ability of digital services to alter their business-logic – the prices they charge, the payouts they offer, the particulars of the deal – from instant to instant, for each user, continuously:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

Contrary to Big Tech's own boasting about its operations, the tricks that tech firms play to siphon value away from business customers and end-users aren't very sophisticated. They're crude gimmicks, like offering a higher per-hour wage to Uber drivers whom the algorithm judges to be picky about which rides they'll clock in for, and then lowering the wage by small increments as a way of lulling the driver into gradually accepting a permanent lower rate:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

This is a simple trick. The difference is that tech platforms like Uber can play it over and over, and very quickly. There's plenty of wage-stealing scumbag bosses who'd have loved to have shaved pennies off their workers' paychecks, then added a few cents back in if a worker cried foul, then started shaving the pennies again. The thing that stopped those bosses was the bottleneck of payroll clerks, who couldn't make the changes fast enough.

Uber plays crude tricks – like claiming that a driver isn't an employee because the control is mediated through an app – and then piles more crude tricks on top – this algorithmic wage discrimination gambit.

Have you ever watched a shell-game performed very slowly?

https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-do-penn-tellers-famous-cups-and-balls-trick-in-12-steps

It's a series of very simple gimmicks, performed very quickly and smoothly. Computers are very quick and very smooth. The quickness of the hand deceives the eye: do crude tricks with superhuman speed and they'll seem sophisticated.

The one bright spot in the Great Enshittening that we're living through is that many firms are not sufficiently digitized to to these crude tricks very quickly. Take grocery stores: they can get up to a lot of the same tricks as Amazon – for example, they can charge suppliers for placement on the most prominent, easiest-to-reach shelves, reorganizing your shopping based on which companies pay the biggest bribes, rather than offering the best products and prices.

But Amazon takes this to a whole different level – beyond simply organizing their product pages based on payola, they do this for search. You ask Amazon, "What's your cheapest batteries?" and it lies to you. If you click the first link in a search-results page, you'll pay 29% more than you would if you got the best product – a product that is, on average, 17 places down on the results page. Amazon makes $38b/year taking bribes to lie to you:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Amazon can do more than that. Thanks to its digital nature, it can continuously reprice its offerings – indeed, it can simply make up each price displayed on every product at the instant you look at it – based on its surveillance data about you, estimating your willingness to pay. For sellers, Amazon can continuously re-weight the likelihood that a given product will be shown to a customer based on the seller's willingness to discount their products, even to the point where they go out of business:

https://www.businessinsider.com/sadistic-amazon-treated-book-sellers-the-way-a-cheetah-would-pursue-a-sickly-gazelle-2013-10

Twiddling, in other words, lets digital services honeycomb their servers with sneaky wormholes that let them siphon value away from one kind of platform user and give it to another (as when Apple silently began spying on Iphone owners to create profiles for advertisers), or to themselves.

But hard-goods businesses struggle to do this kind of twiddling. Not for lack of desire – but for lack of capacity. Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon Fresh – an online grocery store – can change prices and layout millions of times per day, at effectively zero cost. Jeff Bezos, owner of Whole Foods – a brick-and-mortar grocer – needs a army of teenagers on rollerskates with pricing guns to achieve a fraction of this agility.

So hard-goods businesses are somewhat enshittification-resistant. It's not that their owners are more interested in the welfare of their customers, workers and suppliers – they merely lack the capacity to continuously rejigger the way their business runs.

Well, about that.

Grocers have been experimenting with "electronic shelf labels" in order to do "dynamic pricing" – that means that prices change quickly, in response to circumstances:

https://www.npr.org/2024/03/06/1197958433/dynamic-pricing-grocery-supermarkets

This doesn't have to be bad! As @planetmoney points out, it's a little weird that grocers don't discount milk whose sell-by date is drawing near. That milk is worth less to shoppers, because they have to use it more quickly lest it expire. Instead of marking down the price of perishable goods – day-old lettuce, yesterday's bread, etc – grocers put them on the shelves next to fresher, more valuable products, leading to billions of dollars' worth of food-waste and and unimaginable quantities of methane-producing, planet-cooking landfill.

In Norway, ESLs are pretty well established and – at least according to Planet Money's reporting – they are used exclusively to offer discounts in order to reduce waste. They make everyone better off.

But towards the end of the story, they note that Norway's grocery sector – which alters prices up to 2,000 times per day – has been accused of using ESLs to rig prices, hiking them and blaming them on pandemic supply-chain problems and loose monetary policy. Greedflation, in other words.

Greedflation is rampant in the grocery sector, all around the world. Remember when the price of eggs doubled and they blamed in on bird-flu, even as the CEO of the one company that owns every egg brand you've ever heard of boasted about how he could hike prices and suckers would just pay it?

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/23/cant-make-an-omelet/#keep-calm-and-crack-on

In Canada, grocers rigged the price of bread, the most Les-Mis-ass form of corporate crime you can imagine (do you want guillotines, Galen Weston? Because this is how you get guillotines):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_price-fixing_in_Canada

EU grocers – another highly concentrated industry – also collude to rig prices:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

Which is all to say that while these companies don't have to use the twiddling capabilities that come with ESLs to enshittify their stores, we'd be pretty fucking naive to assume that they won't.

And here's the bad news: US grocers like Whole Foods (owned by Amazon, the company that wrote the enshittification playbook) are already experimenting with ESLs. So is Alberstons/Safeway, the massive, inbred conglomerate that has already demonstrated its passion for using twiddling to fuck over their workers:

https://knock-la.com/vons-fires-delivery-drivers-prop-22-e899ee24ffd0/

Economists love "price discrimination" – where prices change based on circumstance, trying to match the perfect price with the perfect customer. On paper, that sounds plausible: if I need a quart of milk for a recipe I'm making tonight and I get a 50% discount on some about-to-expire 2%, then everyone's better off. I get a discount and the grocer gets some money for milk they'd have to throw away at the end of the day.

But these elegant, self-licking ice-cream cones only emerge if the corporation offering the deal is constrained. Perhaps they're constrained by competition – the fear that you'll go elsewhere. Or perhaps they're constrained by regulation – the fear that they'll be punished if they use twiddling-tech to cheat you.

The grocery sector, dominated by a cartel of massive companies that routinely collude to rip us off, is not constrained by competition. And for years, regulators let them get away with ripping us off (though finally that might be changing):

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/21/us/politics/grocery-prices-pandemic-ftc.html?unlocked_article_code=1.ek0.t2Pr.g4n2usbxEcoa

For neoclassical economists, the answer to all this is "caveat emptor" – let the buyer beware. If you want to make sure that ESLs are only used to offer you discounts and not to gouge prices, all you need to do is note the price of everything you buy, every time you buy it, and triple-check it every time you go back to the grocery store. Just be eternally vigilant!

Thing is, the one thing computers are much better at than humans is vigilance. With ESLs and other twiddling mechanisms, you're a fish on a hook, and the seller is tireless in giving you a little more slack, then a little less, until you finally drop your guard.

Economists desperately want these elegant models to work, but "efficient market hypothesis" is a brain-worm that always turns into apologetics for fraud. Dynamic markets sound like a good idea, but they are catnip for cheaters. "Just be eternally vigilant" is miserable advice, and no way to live your life:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

In his brilliant novel Spook Country, @GreatDismal describes augmented reality as "cyberspace everting" – that is, turning inside-out:

https://memex.craphound.com/2007/07/31/william-gibsons-spook-country/

The extrusion of twiddling technology from digital platforms into the physical world isn't cyberspace everting so much as it is cyberspace prolapsing.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/26/glitchbread/#electronic-shelf-tags

[satninroses]

Elvis To The Rescue!

(A/N): Cute fluffy/ angsty request. I love protective Elvis!! Hope you all enjoy!

Summary: BDE! Elvis finds out you’re being bullied and harassed and is less than pleased.

Pairing: BDE! Protective! Elvis x Fem! Reader

Word count: 1,803

Warnings: Swearing, use of sexist terms, descriptions of violence, and descriptions of minor injuries.

Living at Graceland always seemed like a dream for you. If you would have told younger you that you would be living in a mansion in Tennessee, dating ELVIS PRESLEY, you would have probably told yourself to leave. This was no dream though. You had so much room to enjoy, so many clothes, many books, as much entertainment as you wanted, and of course, your loving boyfriend.

That being said, today you needed to run some errands outside of Graceland. You need to head to the record store, the instrument repair shop, and the fancy grocery story that you and Elvis enjoy. As you were getting ready to have the gates opened, there were a group of girls and paparazzi already crowded.

“Well. If it isn’t Miss Gold Digger. What have you done to be of use to society today? You know, when he’s done with you, he’ll come to one of us. You won’t be “Mrs. Presley” anymore. You’ll just be one of his past mistakes.” The girl snickered with her friends. You felt tears well up in your eyes but decided to continue on your way as if nothing happened. You step out of the gate and the same girl that had been berating you pushed you. You fell onto some harsh rock and skinned your calve pretty bad.

“P-please stop. I’m sorry. I’ll go.” You stood up and dusted yourself off and made your way quickly down the street to the record store.

When you got there, you stood in the alley way behind a dumpster and cried. They had always been mean to you but they had never once put their hands on you. You wish you could tell Elvis but you really didn’t want to be another problem on his plate. You wiped your tears and took a few deep breaths to control yourself. You walked up the steps and opened the door.

The record store was always somewhere you enjoyed visiting. It’s actually where you met Elvis.

It was 1968. The ‘68 comeback special was the most awaited televised special in the world. Elvis was on top of the world at this point. Yet, somehow, you managed to bump into him in this little record store you liked.

You had knocked right into someone and tripped. You look up to see who you slammed into only to be met with THE King of Rock 'n’ Roll. “O-oh my gosh. I’m so sorry! I’m so so so sorry Mr. Presley! Here, let me pick that up for you.” You had never been so nervous in your life. The first time you meet a celebrity and this was how you acted. He probably thought you were a dumb, clumsy girl. Afraid that you had angered who was probably the most famous man on the planet right now, you cowered under his burning hot gaze.

He removed the sunglasses he was wearing to reveal a very worried expression in his eyes. “I’m sorry Darlin’. I should have looked where I was going. Let me pick these up for you. What kind of man am I to go around tripping pretty angels like you? Don't you pick up a thing doll. I should have watched where I was going."

That was over 2 years ago now. You’ve never been happier either. Elvis was your rock and you were his. You loved him so much yet you were just too afraid to tell him about the stuff that was going on.

“Hey Mrs. Presley! How’s it going?” Robbie, the old store clerk greeted you. He had been there when you and Elvis met and was there every time you and him went to this record

store as well.

“I’ve been better, that’s for sure.” You tried to add a bit of humor to your answer but your voice was just to shaky to pass off as sarcastic.

“Is everything ok Ms. ?” You looked a little troubled when you first walked in. Your hair was disheveled, your eye makeup was slightly faded and streaky. Not to mention, you had a massive yellow and green bruise on your leg. You thought about his question. You felt like it had been a while since anyone had asked if you were ok. Maybe it was time to fess up about the stuff at Graceland. “No. There are these girls that stand out side the gates of our home and taunt me every time I leave. Sometimes, I can hear what they say when I’m trying to enjoy my time with Elvis and the Mafia. Today, they called me a “mistake” and pushed me down onto the ground. I want to tell Elvis but I’m so afraid of what will happen. He has a lot going on and I don’t want to add more to his plate.”

You exhaled after having confessed that all to Robbie. “Mrs. Presley, listen to me. I’ve known Presley for quite some time. He is a strong willed man. He would do just about anything for the people in his life. Helping you out wouldn’t be a burden to him. What might be a burden is you not telling him what’s going on. I think you should talk to him about it.”

He looked at you with a hopeful expression and held your hands in his. “Trust me. He’s a good man with respect in his heart. Tell him.”

You smiled weakly at Robbie. “I don’t know. I can give it a try. Anyways, I need a copy of For the Roses by Joni Mitchell, please!”

Robbie looked a little less hopeful before but still offered a kind smile. “Absolutely ma’am.”

Later that night, Robbie had been sat by the telephone contemplating a few things in his head. He decided with the latter. He rung up the Presley residence.

“Hello, this is Elvis Presley speaking.”

“Hey, Elvis! It’s Robbie! How have you been?”

“Not too bad. You?”

“I’ve been ok. Look, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about real quick.”

Elvis cocked his eyebrow up. At this time of night? “What’s up?”

“Your lady came in today. She looked pretty beat up. Looked like she had been crying. I asked her what was the matter and she had confessed that there was some type of harassment at your place.”

Elvis’ breath quickened. (Y/N)? Who could be hurting his precious angel?

“What do you mean?”

“She said that there have been a group of fans and paparazzi that have been camped outside your house. More than usual." He added with emphasis. "She said that every time she leaves the house, they’ve been calling her names. She said that today one of the girls shoved her to the ground. She didn’t show me but I would assume that’s where the big bruise on her leg came from.”

'My god. How have I sat here and let her be treated this way?' Elvis couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I have to let you go Robbie. Thank you for telling me this.”

“You’re welcome. And Elvis? Go easy on her.”

Elvis hung up and put the phone back on the receiver. He stood up and walked up the stairs to his room where his lovely flower lay waiting for him.

He had a plan in mind. He would ask her to run an extra errand tomorrow and catch this in the act.

He got into bed with you and wrapped his strong arms around you. "Elvis? Are you ok?" You asked. He looked down at you and placed a kiss on the crown of your head. "I love you so much. I hope you always know that."

The next morning, he asked you to run out to the dry cleaners and pick up a few of his button-ups. What you didn't know what that he had already picked these up yesterday while you were out. He forgot to tell you but he didn't want to make you go back out after you had gotten home. You looked a bit uneasy but nevertheless, you made your way out of the house and down to the gate.

Elvis wasn’t too far behind you. He took light steps in order to not scare the girls off and to scare you into thinking something was up. As he made his way down the path, he stalked behind a tree and zeroed in on the conversation.

“Aww! Look who’s back. Are you still playing messenger pigeon for him? See what I said last time? He’s bored of you. Doesn’t even want you at home.” The girls friends laughed along with her. They took turns telling you all the thighs that were better about themselves than you.

He had heard enough. He rounded the corner and briskly made his way up to the gate.

“You need to shut your mouth. You should be ashamed of yourself. What would mama's think if they heard you talking this way? (Y/N) has never done ANYTHING wrong for her to receive this treatment. I suggest you make your way away from my home before I call the police.”

The girl gasped and cowered slightly. Her little clique had escaped the scene before the confrontation went down. The girl began to tear up and she walked away quickly to hide away from the humiliation bestowed upon her.

Elvis placed his hand on the small of your back and walked you back up to your home. He opened the door for you and led you inside where you both sat on the couch.

“How long?”

You looked away humiliated. You murmured something quietly.

“Baby. Look at me. How long have they been out there bullying and harassing you.”

You faced him fully and revealed the tears rolling down your face.

“A while now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Baby. You should have told me. I’m here to protect you and make sure you’re safe.”

“I know. I just felt like it might be a burden if I would have told you.

Elvis grasps your face gently. “Nothing you could ever do is a burden. I love you so so much Satnin.”

He pulls you into a deep and passionate kiss.

“I love you too, Elvis.”

[mattiehenderson]

Eddie sucking on Mattie's nipples after a stressful day, talk with his guidance counselor didn't go well and he comes home to Mattie. Mattie knew Eddie hadn't had a good day and knew something was up, so he ditched last period and rode his bike to the grocery store, and with his shampoo boy money he bought groceries for him and Wayne, some laundry supplies too. The nice grocery clerk named Lois, drove Mattie to Eddie's trailer. Lois loves Mattie, she loves how he shampoos her hair and that he's always there to listen to her troubles, and she has a soft spot for him because her brother who lives in Chicago is gay, and had a hard time growing up in Hawkins.

Mattie cleaned up the trailer, showered, changed into Eddie's Iron Maiden shirt and boxers, and baked a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies for Eddie to come home to, and got started on dinner. He was making his grandma's famous sauerbauten.

When Eddie walked through the door to smell and see the scene before him, he almost cried.

It was what he always wanted, the smell of home cooked food and fresh baked cookies, and in the midst of it was the most beautiful sight of his soft little boyfriend slaving over a hot stove drowning in his Iron Maiden shirt and his boxers being well kept up by his juicy butt. His long platinum hair was pulled back in a ponytail and his usually painted face was fresh from the shower.

While the sauerbauten is in the oven, he pulls his boyinto his lap and pushes his shirt up to suck on his puffy, cherry nipples as Mattie strokes hair with his acrylics. Between this and the food, all his senses were being comforted at once.

He looked so beautiful, he was going to find a way that boy never gets away...or Wayne will him.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The issue of power is so interesting (or something) to see because yes, from an economic perspective Taylor undoubtedly has more sway -- she's one of the most famous people on the planet, she's a billionaire, her every move is followed, etc. So I can almost sort of understand the concern, in another scenario, where some people may expect that she could crush her detractors (For instance, I'm thinking about how Harvey W. silenced his victims as a Hollywood mogul, or how corporate titans silence whistleblowers which I feel are analogies some people may turn to. Or maybe we've all just watched too much of the Roys on Succession.)

I said this in the tags of a post the other day I think, but I think some of the discourse is kind of conflating power with platform. And yes, Taylor undoubtedly has a bigger platform, again by virtue of her fame and position in the media/industry. But part of that is that she's visible in these areas, and her presumed subjects aren't, of their own choice. If any of these subjects ever chose to spoke out, or make art based on their experiences, or pursue opportunities in the media/public eye, they would absolutely be given a platform for it. (Going way back, think of how JM used the media to give his side of the story through his music and his interviews after their split. And I'd argue he was probably way more public/direct about it than she ever was.)

If any of these people decided they wanted their side of the story out there, it would be and it would absolutely be turned into a story. (And arguably that may already be starting but that's a whole other thing.) And this is just my opinion, but given that the subjects of these topics are often privileged white men, I'd argue that their sides tend to carry (more) weight regardless of their economic status in relation to her. If JM or JG or JA or HS wrote a book or a song or a script about their experiences, even only insinuating about her, it'd be the conversation. And not to be a cupcake about it, but the media seems to always want to find something to knock her down a peg about (which, sure, journalism's job is to hold people accountable, but that's not what always happens here and we know it), so they would absolutely give this the time of day, if they chose to put anything out there.

The thing is, I do see in a superficial way that there is there is a clear difference in their socioeconomic/celebrity status, and perhaps that's perceived as a power imbalance, but that's implying that she's dictating a whole host of entities out of her control, and I just don't think she holds the sway of those that some feel she does. Don't get me wrong, she's absurdly wealthy and has influence, but so do so many other people around her, including those who don't support her. (That's the wrong word for it, but I just mean, people who aren't in her circle/sympathetic to her.) And as I've posted about so so so many times before, THESE OTHER PEOPLE (men) ARE WEALTHY AND IN THE PUBLIC EYE TOO. They are all in careers that entail celebrity and involve their own influence in the media. These are not shrinking violets in private civil life who are like, grocery store checkout clerks. They're actors and musicians and media personalities who play the same game. And even the "poorest" of these subjects for the most part are millionaires who are far, far wealthier than any of us will ever be in our lifetimes. They may choose to stay off of social media or the press when it suits them, but they could absolutely make art or give interviews about their experiences and they would command their own kind of influence. (I'd also argue that they would be given a platform thanks to Taylor's platform, but that's another thing.)

I don't want to dismiss the influence of her wealth and stature in the entertainment industry, and I feel like that's kind of where the perceived "imbalance" comes from, but to be frank, I feel like if any of these other subjects spoke out, the media would be so quick to raise their stature in the press for the sake of clicks/controversy/what have you. Critics claim that Taylor can crush any story or person who goes against her, but I think given the breadth of stories out there about her at any given time (the NYT op ed, the jet stuff, the DM stuff, etc.) I don't think that's true; I think the publicity/clicks outlets get for covering stuff, even if salacious, outweighs any concerns over upsetting her or burning bridges. (Not saying that may have not happened, but... I think it would be more obvious if it were a regular occurrence these days.) If anything, 2016 through rep kinda proves that she doesn't have the "control" of the media that some claim she does.

But most importantly, THE ALBUM ISN'T OUT YET. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE LYRICS ARE. Taylor gets accused of writing diss tracks, but she rarely does, and I don't think she's written an outright callout song since her Fearless/Speak Now days when she was a teenager/very young adult. Just about everything since Red on has been about her own feelings, experiences, etc. and not a literal "you did x and y and z and you're stupid and i hate you" song. She's not calling people out by name, and truly only chronically online fans are going to deduce who songs are about; five years from now, people discovering the music will just know they're bops (or depressingly sad breakup songs, as the case may be).

I don't know where I'm going with this, i'm talking in circles, it's just interesting how things are being interpreted or assumed so far. I fully acknowledge I'm a cupcake so I'm generally not going to jump to the worst conclusion about Taylor, but there's also curious sociological/gender stuff happening in these conversations. I absolutely think that if the roles were reversed and her exes were billionaire household names and she was an indie artist, nobody would ever talk about power dynamics. I think it's all moot because like so many people have said, I don't think the album is going to be what some think it's going to be, and I think it's going to be way more introspective/vulnerable/dark than what they assume a breakup album is going to be, though obviously I don't know anymore than they do. It's just funny because you never hear about this with other people. (Like, was there a big fuss when Kelly Clarkson wrote a breakup album about her ex-husband? I know she's not as wealthy as Taylor and her ex was probably wealthier than Taylor's exes, but she's someone with sway in the industry and is on TV everyday, but everyone kind of said "lol her ex was a jackass wow she writes sad banger ballads" and moved on.)

Anyway I don't want to start shit or anything, but I'm just giving my two cents about my observations of the whole media landscape stuff.

[atopvisenyashill]

What kind of jobs do you think asoiaf characters would have in the real world?

jon - history podcaster, famous in lefty circles, robb keeps begging him to get a real job so the stans of his haters stop review bombing robb's law practice

dany - political twitch streamer, they have beef bc jon is an anarchist and dany is an ML.

barristan - he's an econimist and a landlord and dany gets dragged constantly for being friends with him and retweeting his shitty medium articles.

grey worm - he has A Real Job as a low level agriculture engineer but he does political commentary in his free time which is why he's friends with dany & barristan.

arya - runs a coffee shop and is everyone's favorite manager because she's super chill and drives them to protests on her days off. has a burner twitter account and ratioed barristan online once.

sansa - a small business owner that has one of those cute little storefronts where four or five small businesses band together to be one shop.

robb - has a law practice doing something Important like immigration help or something. lives in a nice apartment above his practice.

theon - literally just freeloads at robb's apartment.

jeyne westerling - receptionist at robb's practice, the power dynamic IS weird but also kind of sexy. they are both clearly fucking theon as well, ned has no idea this is happening and keeps asking about grandkids even tho jeyne has an IUD.

catelyn - she clerked for a scotus judge and she is NOT modest but she IS modest about the thanksgiving she spent at RBG's house. her instagram is dedicated to promoting sansa's business because she is sooo proud.

jeyne poole - the only non nepo baby in the group who lucked out in befriending two rich girls in the art fair circuit and got a storefront with them.

loras tyrell - think mayor pete but with more personality.

margaery tyrell - the third business owner with sansa & jeyne, but she uses her mother's maiden name so no one associates her with her brother's tacky lib poitics or accueses her of being a nepo baby (she definitely is, but she takes the accussation personal)

renly baratheon - a fed from a family of feds, and the FACE of a pinkwashing campaign

cersei & tyrion - political family but for local politics like the daleys or cuomos or castro brothers (as in joaquin and julian). they fucking hate loras for primarying tywin from the center and winning but also lowkey hate each other because they both want Tywin's seat as like, Lieutenant Governor or some shit.

jaime lanniser - was supposed to be in politics but got ptsd from his time in the military and became a professional hater and freeloader until brienne talked him into getting a degree and helping people instead of just giving donations to charity for tax write offs.

brienne of tarth - i have no idea what she does but she works for a non profit and is solidly middle class as a child.

the martells - they own a local chain grocery store and they have a rivalry with arya but they keep it classy. oberyn posts thirst traps all the time and doran made him put 12 disclaimsers on every social media profile about not speaking for the store but otherwise he does what he wants. yeah man pour milk over your tiddies for charity who gives a fuck.

[zemkzone]

That Rare Arctic Thunderstorm: Ch7 (on AO3)

FULL FIC LINK HERE

For a decade and a half, while he’d been locked up in Iron Heights, Henry had wondered what it would have been like to return to his old neighborhood and his old home with Nora. He’d wondered what it would have been like to watch their son Barry grow up, go to college, start a life of his own. By Barry’s account, those long years had been less than perfect, but Henry was still grateful that his only child hadn’t been raised by a total stranger. Framed posters of musicals and famous scientific quotes covered the walls of his old bedroom at Joe West’s house. Henry brushed his hand over the plaid bedspread, following a ray of sunshine—still bright at seven PM, he'd never tire of seeing it—up to a small crack in the ceiling. The closet was partially open, and when he tilted his head at just the right angle, he could glimpse the small box of old clothes and linens Joe still hadn’t taken to Goodwill. Henry turned his attention to the sturdy oak shelf by the desk, which still housed old physics and chemistry textbooks and a dog-eared first-edition copy of Harrison Wells’s biography. That last book made the small, fond smile fade from his face.

“Barry idolized that man. It’s still hard to believe he wasn’t who we thought he was.”

Henry turned to find a weary Joe West standing in the door, watching him. “No, that man did exist,” he disagreed. “We just never got to meet him. He was the Reverse-Flash’s first victim.” He patted Barry’s bed one last time. “Thanks for letting me come up here again.”

“Any time. I was kidding Barry about turning this room into a home gym. Work keeps me too busy for that.” Among other things, Joe expression all but screamed.

“I’ve got a long way to go before I get my license back, but as a doctor, I shouldn’t have to remind you to take better care of yourself.” Henry joined him by the door.

“Fair point. Now, are you ready to come down?” Joe gestured towards the stairs. “I heard Mike’s car pulling up. Knowing Avigail, she’s sent him over with extra food for us again.”

Some days, Henry still couldn’t believe how many people wanted to support him as he navigated life as a free man. The interview he’d given Iris for CCPN had gone viral. There were the usual conspiracy theorists, but shop clerks who recognized him from his very public acquittal sometimes snuck him discounts or freebies at the stores. “Just a little something to help you get back on your feet, Doc,” they’d say. And then, of course, there were the friends he’d made through his son. A district attorney, several police officers, academics, and scientists—it was a surprising group, and one he was very grateful for. And not just because Mike’s wife tended to send enough brisket and kugel to last him for at least a week at a time.

“I’m never going to learn to cook for myself at this rate,” Henry laughed as he sat down to dinner with Joe, Cecile, and Mike.

“I’ve almost forgotten how to boil pasta,” Joe agreed with a chuckle, popping open a bottle of wine. “Oh, don’t worry, Mike. This one’s kosher.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” The older detective held up his glass. “The missus needs people to cook for, with our sons all married. It keeps her happy, especially since I can’t tell her about half the things going on in the city these days.” His smile was only a little regretful.

“Right now, it’s keeping her safe.” Henry declined the wine, pouring himself a glass of water instead. “The food helps when I’m too wrapped up in studies to do groceries, really.” “You could go out more,” Cecile suggested. “I’d never say no to lunch. Martin would love to meet up with you to talk about that Jackson kid. Him, Quentin, even Tina McGee.”

READ THE REST OF THE CHAPTER HERE

[5ft2sunflower]

The Death of a Keyword, and the Re-Shuffling of $500B in US eCommerce Sales

By Justin Leigh | CEO, Workflow Labs | Article Link

Search is really important.  It’s so much faster than browsing.  In fact, it’s so much better that over 80% of Amazon’s sales are driven by customers going to the search bar, entering some keywords and buying one of the top five products of the thousands that the search query returns.  

Keyword Search Sucks

As great as it is, keyword search sucks.  We just don’t know it yet.  We don’t know it yet in the same way we didn’t realize that stopping at a gas station to buy a paper map sucked compared to using GPS navigation.  Or having to wait in the rain at a designated meeting spot after a concert sucked compared to just texting your friends to ask where they are.

Objectively, it’s an odd process.  Customers must first think of words they believe a computer will understand.  The customer is then rewarded with an overwhelming amount of somewhat relevant products.  When the customer searches again, the search engine forgets they’ve ever talked with this customer before and returns a pile of new, unrelated products.  It’s like walking into a grocery store and yelling, “Peanut Butter,” and an army of clerks bring you all the cereal, dog treats and sandwich spread that contain the words “Peanut” and/or “Butter.”  You then yell, “Organic,” and get a bunch of bananas, flour, and healthy snacks.  

This is not how we’ve evolved to think or communicate, but we accept it because the alternative - browsing through thousands of products - is much worse.

Then the World Changed

Search is about to get a lot better.  Generative search, natural language processing and AI will replace keyword matching and the results are incredible.  Unfortunately, that’s terrible news for everyone who has built a successful business based on keyword search.

To understand the difference, consider the following product search in this new world:

Me: 

“please recommend a peanut butter that is healthy and comes in a large container because I make a lot of sandwiches”

ChatGPT: 

“When choosing a peanut butter, look for one that is made with only a few ingredients, such as peanuts and salt, and avoid those with added sugars or oils. Here are some recommendations for healthy peanut butter options that come in large containers:

Crazy Richard's 100% Peanuts All-Natural Peanut Butter: This peanut butter is made with only one ingredient: roasted peanuts. It's also gluten-free, vegan, and non-GMO, and comes in a 48-ounce jar.

Kirkland Signature Organic Creamy Peanut Butter: This peanut butter is made with only organic roasted peanuts and salt. It comes in a 28-ounce jar and is certified USDA organic.

Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter: This peanut butter is made with only two ingredients: peanuts and salt. It's also non-GMO and gluten-free and comes in a 26.5-ounce jar.

Remember that peanut butter is high in calories and fat, so be mindful of your portion sizes to maintain a healthy diet.”

Great, now I’d like to know what I should spend on these:

“How much do those items cost on Amazon?”

ChatGPT:

“The prices of these items on Amazon may vary depending on the time of purchase and location, but here are the current prices (as of my knowledge cutoff date of September 2021) for each peanut butter option:

Crazy Richard's 100% Peanuts All-Natural Peanut Butter (48 oz): $13.97

Kirkland Signature Organic Creamy Peanut Butter (28 oz): $9.86

Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter (26.5 oz): $5.64

Jif Natural Creamy Peanut Butter (40 oz): $9.99

Skippy Natural Creamy Peanut Butter (40 oz): $7.67

Trader Joe's Creamy Salted Peanut Butter (16 oz): $7.95

Keep in mind that prices may vary, and there may be other retailers that offer these products at different prices.”

I’m easily influenced by famous people, so naturally: 

“Are there any endorsed by celebrities?”

ChatGPT:

“There may be peanut butter brands that are endorsed by celebrities, but it's important to remember that celebrity endorsements do not necessarily mean that a product is healthier or of better quality. It's always a good idea to focus on the ingredients and nutritional value of a product rather than relying solely on celebrity endorsements.

That being said, here are a few peanut butter brands that have been endorsed by celebrities:

Justin's Nut Butter: Justin's is a natural nut butter company that has been endorsed by several celebrities, including Jennifer Aniston and Oprah Winfrey. Their products are made with high-quality ingredients and come in a variety of flavors.

PBfit: PBfit is a brand of powdered peanut butter that has been endorsed by actress and singer Vanessa Hudgens. Their powdered peanut butter is made with only roasted peanuts, salt, and sugar, and has 87% less fat than traditional peanut butter.

NuttZo: NuttZo is a nut butter brand that has been endorsed by Olympic athlete Lindsey Vonn. Their products are made with a blend of organic nuts and seeds and come in several different varieties.

Again, it's important to do your own research and read ingredient labels to make an informed decision about the peanut butter you choose to purchase.”

So, there you have it.  In addition to being endorsed by Vanessa Hudgens, PBFit was an early client at my last company so it’s the obvious winner.  If you conduct the same search, you will get different results.  The system is constantly learning and improving in ways no human can truly understand.

It makes the old keyword way seem so…old.

Who Will Mourn the Keyword?

There is no world in which keyword search wins.  It’s like bringing keywords to a natural language processing fight.  AI wins, Customers win, big time.  Shoppers will not mourn keywords.

Those who will mourn keywords are the owners of the products that have spent millions or billions of dollars on advertising, content, strategy, and execution to have the coveted top placement on the keywords that drive their business.  The ad platforms that generate billions of dollars selling keyword targeted ads will also mourn.  How will advertisers target consumers?  Other than just trusting AI, how do advertisers make decisions about how and where to invest?  How will brands know what content to develop? Companies that built entire businesses on keyword matching processes will mourn them.

AI in the Driver's Seat Means Different Products Win

As generative search based on natural language processing rolls out $500B+ of US retail sales will be completely reshuffled.  Ad tools and tactics will shift seemingly overnight.

Some products will just accidentally win.  They were always more relevant, but no one knew.  With AI in the driver seat, these products will steal share from others that had carefully, and expensively, mastered the now useless keywords.  Brands will be forced to learn to understand how the retailers’ different flavors of generative search work.  They will need to know a lot more about their customers.  Keyword stuffing into titles or bullets will not work anymore.  Brands will have to be strategic and highly engaged in actively managing the data that trains the AI models.  

Saying Goodbye is Hard

Having been there for the birth of the keyword and now standing here so close to the end, I’d like to say a few words:

Keyword, you were a good friend.  You led us out of the darkness of browse.  You exposed all the knowledge of the world so I could settle minor disputes with my friends in real time.  You changed our lives in unimaginable ways.  Born just thirty years ago in 1993 on Aliweb, you were so young.  But change is life’s only constant, and I need more, better ways to find the right peanut butter for me.  So, it’s time to say goodbye.  

But you never know!  Just like the acid-washed jeans I wore to your birthday party, maybe, one day, you’ll come back into style.

[alyjojo]

Past Life 📜 Karmic Spread September 2024 - Leo

Preshuffle: T.W. Suicide, possible r*pe or abuse not described - very angry - someone manipulated you and left, that’s why

Meditation: White-hot anger, pure rage is all I’m seeing; there are no thoughts, it’s just burning inside, and I’m standing on a heavily populated bridge. I’m seeing the most famous one from New York, they show it in movies all of the time - but it doesn’t have to be that one. I don’t even think it’s in the U.S., they’re just showing me it wasn’t small or private, it’s highly populated with heavy traffic most of the time. Probably walkers too. You jumped.

~ The Past Life ~

Gender I’m Picking Up On (in the past life): Female

Character Card:

Acquisition 🥇 - Sun Taurus

Empathy 🤗 - Moon Pisces

Who You Were: Queen of Wands

What You Did: 6 Pentacles rev & 10 Wands rev

How It Ended: Page of Wands

Oracles: Tree & Bear

I’m not getting a lot of details about you: where you were, when, how, none of that. You were born to an important & prestigious family, one that hurt you greatly - but that wasn’t known. Tree with Bear shows some dark secrets hidden in the closet of your family tree, and I don’t want to get too much into it. I’m hearing it gets quite dark - though not always with you - and we leave that there. Imagine. It’s being shown as part of the reason you are resistant to dating & relationships in this life. You were someone very beautiful, and that was taken for granted time and time again. You’re also shown as the Lilies with this Tree, so your family may have been not great, cruel and twisted in some cases, but that didn’t actually apply to you, you weren’t like them…not deep down. Only on the surface. Empathy shows your real nature along with Lilies, someone romantic and understanding, you simply romanticized your life and had the power to make it a reality - Queen of Wands.

You were engaged or betrothed…I think you liked to use the word “betrothed”. This was with someone of the same status or similar, what would be deemed “an excellent match”, and you were overjoyed. In love even, you thought you were anyway, but more than that - this marriage came with high status, even higher than your own. That plays a big role in the downfall of your life - because it’s the pride and reputation that sends you over the edge…literally. You were very superficial and materialistic, but Queen of Wands is upright - it wasn’t a negative thing. That’s who you were, who your family was, you were born & bred to be someone of status. Others of your status valued similar things & acted the same.

The person you were supposed to marry went and fell in love with someone else, someone less worthy, less beautiful, something about them was less to you - and it was obvious, which only added to your fury, the public shame of it all. Like you were a supermodel and they are a grocery store clerk, in your mind, and you lost it. I’m seeing the book “City Mouse, Country Mouse.” Is that the book or is that some adaptation of another book? Lord idk it’s what I’m seeing. They were the polar opposite to you in every way. Page of Wands is showing having lashed out verbally to someone, probably the new person is what I’m seeing, and then the vision follows. You weren’t thinking, it was blind anger, you couldn’t face anyone if you turned back now, and that was all there was to it - you jumped.

~ The Present Life ~

What Karma Was Brought With You: The Tower rev

Who You Brought With You: 2 Pentacles

Additional energy: 4 Pentacles & 9 Pentacles

Character Card: Submission 🤲- Venus Pisces

Oracles: Finances

I heard “you’ve had a lot of false starts you really believed, and now you think everyone is lying to you.” During shuffling. So you’re relatable 🙏

You still have the same very soft & tender heart you had in the last life, to the point that if you would compare the two it’s probably the same. I’m seeing a difficulty with Mars, you’re not able to stand up for yourself, or you don’t like saying no. You could have Mars in Cancer or Libra. Or a major aspect to Mars that gets in the way, or it could be in the 12th House. It’s not easy for you to be aggressive at all, but the feeling still exists, it just goes inward and you attack yourself instead. A major life lesson is maintaining your independence (and money 💯) from people who will, probably have, and will continue to take advantage of you if you let them.

You’re shown as a giver, very generous, and I’m seeing this be towards your friends more than anyone. Love is something I don’t think you even want, you’re extremely guarded financially and marriage could be out of the question for you. You’ve either experienced this and are divorced, or you’ve seen someone go through it, you’ve already been taken advantage of enough times to where your own money is yours - forever. Money seems to be a topic of safety for you, right or wrong you are not someone who signs anything or does things “jointly”, period. But you are very generous, the other side of the coin, and probably have countless people you’ve given money to for whatever reason - because money doesn’t seem to be a problem for you. Actually, it’s a whole love language. You like to lavish money on those you love, and absolutely refuse with those you don’t, but it’s like…that’s how you can tell.

Your energy is showing up as feminine, and you are very social, very involved with your friends and their lives. It’s like their lives are your own - they’re all interconnected; but on a soul level, you’ve brought two people and they come together as a pair. Twins? Or together you are a trio. “My boys”, both are male, could be younger than you. Brothers maybe, or friends. Feels like friends. Maybe sons, could be, I kinda hope not because that’s not something anyone wants to hear…maybe tell me who the boys are to you if this resonates, I’m curious.

Boy 1: a romantic, a “sucker”, easily duped or often messed with, never fights back, a sweet boy. In the past life, this was a stranger on the bridge that saw you jump and wished you hadn’t - it haunted them. Strong empath.

Boy 2: very intelligent, a winner’s mind, an achiever, well-educated or will be. Could be currently working towards that. In the past life, this was the person you were supposed to marry, the reason you did what you did. They’re clearing karma with you in this life for that. Again hearing it’s not a kid and yet my mind is seeing one. A childlike personality perhaps. Could be childhood friends, it feels like a positive connection despite negative karma. Or you’re all cousins? Siblings possibly. Platonic 💯 I’m hearing “transmuted”…so by the relationship shifting definition, gender roles, whatever the thing - so does the energy between you, them & this karma play out differently…wow that’s a whole rabbit hole for later. You were never *intimately* connected, that’s shown as very important in this…transmutation? I guess. Another potential rabbit hole to explore 🤔 Good lord Leo I’m never going to come up for air after this one.

I’m seeing suicide play a role in this life as well, in that it’s made an appearance as a near miss, whether that was you or someone close to you. It didn’t happen, but someone got close. They have since healed, or will. You do a lot for your friends, you go above and beyond like they’re your family - Spirit wants you to keep your finances close, especially with lovers, and Appreciation at the bottom of the deck shows you as deeply loved and valued by all of the good people in your life - which there are many. You also need to be sure that those you’re giving to are appreciative of you. The right ones are. Everyone has snakes too, be careful, but you’re shown as having more good friends that you’ve earned, and you’re a great friend back. Even moreso in some cases, thus Spirit’s quiet warning ⚠️ about your finances - repeated. Especially with lovers, repeated. Only real message but it’s like hey, read it again. Because you didn’t really soak it in, or won’t. I’m seeing you have the same friends in old age too, and if love comes…well, it’s not your priority. You’re good with your tribe 🤝 Any person “meant” for you is going to flow easily and effortlessly into what you already have going on. An example is like a having a big friend group, and your fated person somehow already knows one of these people, making space for them eventually will be cake 🎂 and yet it’s still not your priority…that will be part of the appeal to this person, your utter disinterest 😆 That will change ☺️

[ozma914]

Halloween Costumes for Fending Off the Cold

          There’s probably no better timed holiday than Halloween. After all, it comes just before the two most frightening times on the calendar: Winter, and elections.

            It’s hardly surprising, then, that one popular Halloween mask is any famous politician. Some years ago I went out as a Senator, stopped all the other Trick-Or-Treaters, and collected 28% of their candy. The problem is, half the people don’t recognize political figures, and the other half get too scared.

So my criteria for choosing a costume: Warmth. It’s not unheard of here to have snow by the end of October. Any Hoosier parent will tell you the main task in designing their kid’s costume is incorporating a heavy coat and snow boots. Dressing as an astronaut is very popular.

            I stopped celebrating Halloween after realizing I can just go to the store, buy all the candy I want, turn off the porch light and eat it inside, in the warmth.

Yes, I know--but I already spent one Halloween in that outfit, and never got any candy.

No human can produce a Halloween more frightening than staring another Midwest winter in its frostbitten face. So those times when forced to go out for Halloween, I dressed as an Eskimo (These days I'd be an Inuit, or Yupik). Once, to mix it up, I went as that kid Kenny from South Park, even though it killed me. He dresses as an Eskimo. I still wasn't warm – an entire calendar worth of Playmates of the Year couldn’t warm me up in autumn or winter –  but at least I tried.

My wife loves Halloween--it’s one of her few faults. She refused to marry me until I agreed to go annually to my brother’s Halloween parties, which were sadly held outside. Usually I hovered near his wood burning stove in the garage, especially after Emily decided I'd used up my Eskimo turns and had to try something new.

One year we went as zombies. We attended the Zombie Walk in Kendallville, shuffled  to a cemetery for a photo op, and then, just for fun, walked into a grocery store and demanded bran. The clerk said, “Last year you were way scarier as Dick Cheney”.

We tried to do costumes on the cheap, because I’m cheap. That gave me two possibilities, both wearable with insulted long underwear:

My adopted brother Martin gave me bags of hand-me-down clothes. Being that I’m a small town white person and he’s a black guy from Fort Wayne (which is big city by my standards), we didn’t have the same fashion sense, but see above about me being cheap.

Anyway, I found a couple of items that I’m fairly sure he threw in just to mess with me. One was a uniquely loud puffy shirt, the other a pair of oversized parachute pants that buttoned all the way down the side. I refuse to believe he ever wore these things in public.

I could go to Halloween as a stereotypical 70’s disco black guy, or as a clown. While I’ll never be politically correct, we all know I’m not brave/dumb enough to tackle the former.

The second choice was something my mother bought for me, back when she (correctly) thought I needed to get fit. It was designed to hold in body heat and moisture while you exercise, apparently under the assumption that you’ll sweat yourself healthy. It’s like a portable sauna. I used it once on the treadmill, and lost twelve pounds in thirty minutes. That day I could have gone trick-or-treating as a zombie without needing any makeup, assuming I could walk in a straight line, which I couldn’t.

That's what I'll choose if I ever go again: Any candy I ate would sweat out of me by the time I made it home. Plus, anything that reflects that much body heat back is bound to keep me warm, no matter how cold it gets outside. Since my one and only goal from October through March is staying warm, I could celebrate Halloween for months … even if the upcoming political campaign leaves me cold.

And if that doesn’t work, the Eskimo costume is standing by.

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

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Remember, everyone who doesn't read is risking a visit from Edgar Allan Poe.

[leggerefiore]

Yo, can I get ingo and emmet (separately) celebrating their s/o's birthday if you haven't already? Today is my birthday and i pulled ingo with the gift gems, its fate i stg

hap birth

▲Ingo▼

● Poor guy spends the entire month prior debating what gift to get you. He keeps going back between something extremely sentimental and something much too expensive. Ingo needs the perfect gift to reflect his love for you. (Eventually he settles down for something sweet and sentimental, unless you had been pestering about a specific gift.)

● Hunts down the most quality bakery in all of Unova and has it verified by a professional (Emmet). Then while he's look at their variety and debating which flavour you would like, an idea hits him. Proceeds to thank them for their time and rushes to the nearest grocery. Ingo is going to attempt to bake you a cake. Emmet's expertise is once again recruited to make sure the confectionery is of quality for you. (There are many, many failed attempts.)

● Takes the day off for your birthday because he wants to surprise you with an evening together. You do have a small gathering for the afternoon, but he'll shower you in affection for the entire night. You're someone so important to him, he wants you to feel special on your birthday. You'll either have a home-cooked meal by the man, or he'll order from a restaurant you love.

● Bonus: Elesa posted a picture of Ingo staring at you tenderly during the small get-together. Emmet placed on of those party hats on his head as well. People have been editing other things into his line of sight. (Poor guy now looks like he loves multiple famous male trainers. He gets upset and rants whenever someone tags him in the memes.)

▽Emmet△

○ He's buying an entire store for you. Well, he was buying an entire store for you, but Ingo and Elesa wrestled his wallet from him and put a limit on what he was allowed to purchase. Emmet was very upset over this. He was only attempting to show you how large his love is for you. You're still getting like five gifts from him alone. He needs to see you smile so hard it feels like your face is cramping. Nothing less is allowed for you.

○ Emmet's in the know about which bakeries are quality and which ones aren't. He's going to his favourite one and being you the gaudiest cake he can reasonably obtain. The poor clerk stares at him in terror as he keeps going on about how he wants each layer decorated. Ingo intervenes. You get an adorable round cake of your favourite flavour. (Ingo lies awake at night horrified of what his younger brother would do for you.)

○ If he doesn't get your birthday off (he does), the twin will not hesitate to skip. You're his main priority in life, outside of battles. You've beaten trains, rejoice. You are sent out of the apartment for a while and when you return it's deserted. Well, it appears that way. A noisemaker rings out and friends pop out from hiding places. Emmet planned a surprise party! He tackles you into a hug and laughs at your surprise. The party goes on until the evening, in which he starts shooing people away. It's now his time alone with you, and he's going to make you verrrrrry happy. Your night is spent being squeezed by your giggly boyfriend.

○ Bonus: Elesa got a picture of him tackling you into the hug. People online went mad arguing over whether that was abuse or not. You look terrified, and Emmet appears feral. Elesa turned off comments on that picture. (Emmet gives a bone-chilling glare whenever someone accuses him of hurting you. He would never and that person meets the younger twin's silent wrath*.)

* Joltik Swarm

[ruinaimagines]

If I can request something completely off the wall, some HCs for greta (and if it fits the rest of the ensemble) trying their damndest to do something completely ordinary.

Like imagine you're a store clerk and 9 stars of the city and a colour arrive to by bread, juice concentrate, and half the deli section.

Hi okay so I love this idea and know I am going to have an extreme amount of fun with it. The moment you said Greta I was absolutely fully in, I love her so much. I hope you don’t mind that I went with the store clerk concept too, it just seemed way too good to pass up this opportunity. Always feel free to request more stuff like this, it's way too enjoyable.

The Reverberation Ensemble Attempting to Buy Groceries:

Greta had a miserable idea one day, miserable for everyone else that is. It came as no surprise that the Ensemble had never been really close with one another. Sure, some people may have been more fond of each other than others, but there was no real sense of community bringing them together. Honestly, even their goals for joining happened to be a bit contradictory, it’s quite impressive they managed to work out as far as they have.

But they’ve come quite a long way, why not call for a celebration of sorts? Nothing too big, but it could also double as a meeting of sorts to discuss future plans. Plus, you have a famous chef of the City, it’s only natural for Greta to cook something for the other ensemble members at some point.

Argalia agreed to the idea. If they were all going to fight to the death in the library after all it would be nice to at least get to know each other a bit better. Plus, who could say no to some food?

Alright, so they’re going to have a big dinner, what’s the issue with that? Well it’s not the feast that’s the problem, it’s the preparation that is. Greta also insisted on shopping for the ingredients together as it would give a sense of ‘companionship’ and ‘participation’ in the final result.

Unsurprisingly, the only actual person who was absolutely down for it from the getgo was Oswald, and he just wanted to witness the chaos. Everyone else sort of was just stilled, as if she dropped some giant reveal on them.

Even Tanya, who was probably one of the closest members to Greta, doubted the idea. She’d be willing to go with her, but it seemed a bit too much to take along every single member.

Greta continued to persist on the idea. It was either everyone lends a hand, or there’s no meal. The decision was up in the air for a while until Argalia made a settlement of sorts.

He said that it could be fun to go along with, and he wasn’t missing out on the chance for this dinner. That it would also be good to expand upon their bonds and ‘teamwork’.

Basically it was just his really dramatic and charismatic way of saying ‘hey guys im hungry you’re coming with I’m not risking this’. It honestly sounded like a whole persuasive essay to go to the grocery store.

Because he sided with Greta, Pluto and Eileen had no issue coming along too. From this, Tanya also agreed because it was better to get it out of the way, and each member of Bremen was excited to dine on Greta’s food once more.

Jae-heon and Elena were a bit more stubborn, mainly because they just thought the idea was ridiculous. Even if they didn’t verbally say it, you can tell just from the look in their eyes. Problem is that they’re outnumbered, so they’ll likely have to go along.

And for Philip, well, he was pretty indifferent about the whole thing.

So say you’re this poor store clerk. You’re finishing up your shift, overall the day has just been pretty neutral and insignificant. People come and go, there’s maybe some brief small talk, and you’re left alone again until the next customers.

But then there’s this oddly conspicuous van that just pulls into the parking lot as it starts getting late. It’s a bit off putting but I mean hey, not like you’re being paid to care about it.

And then not one, not two, not three, but TEN PEOPLE step out of this car. You’re equally horrified and impressed, because on one hand, why are 10 people buying groceries, and on the other; how do they all fit into that car. It seriously must be cramped.

So you’re preparing to be robbed or something when this… shark, wolf, and skeleton, as well as a clown walks in???? And that’s not even the start of it. But they don’t even acknowledge you, they're just… shopping.

You’re filled with a sense of dread, but your existence is acknowledged by the shark lady who greets you with a smile and grabs a basket. And then she just goes back to her business.

So we have the Blue Reverberation buying eggs in the refrigerated aisle, being careful that his giant scythe doesn’t cut someone's ankles or take out a shelf. He seems to be inspecting and weighing which brand he should buy really intently.

And then we have this shady and awkward guy in the back with a metal… head? And multiple eyes? He’s just kinda watching everyone do stuff and standing really uncomfortable and you kinda feel bad because he’s reminding you of an anxious middle schooler.

There’s a lady standing next to him too. You’re guessing she’s one of the bloodfiends you’ve heard about in the papers judging from her appearance. She has an unamused look, and you can vaguely hear her talking about eating people??

Tanya is grabbing things desperately like it’s the purge, thinking that if she completes her part of the grocery list she can get out of there quicker. Problem is she keeps accidentally snapping the vegetables in half and bruising the fruit. Greta yells at her from across the store that the ingredients need to be in good condition. She has to go back and pick out half of the stuff on her list again.

Philip is one of the only people who’s shopping normally.

Apparently Oswald has never been in a store before because he’s distracted himself with all the different types of food there is. He picked up a dragon fruit and is staring at it like it’s some mythical object.

He also is on the verge of tears for no reason. No one made a joke, no one interacted with him, but he still looks like he’s gonna start cackling. He keeps getting closer to the other ensemble members, and they’re trying to get away. They do not want to know what he is up to.

Pluto is over by Argalia in the dairy section. He’s explaining the various types of cheeses, and how they’re perfected and created through a long and patient period of time. Argalia is completely zoned out, he is picking up on nothing, but he nods and pretends like he is.

Bremen is falling apart. None of them can agree on which bundle of spring onions is better quality. It’s starting to turn into a heated argument, and the volume of their argument is starting to compete with the constant buzzing noise of the store.

Greta is in complete harmony and comes over to help the three. She praises them on their individual judgements, and helps them find the perfect collection of the vegetables.

I wanna say Eileen is also competent, but there’s just something off about it. She’s been staring at the baked goods for a while now. Just standing still with her hands resting in front of her in her long white dress.

It’s probably the fact that she’s BAREFOOT in the BREAD AISLE. Seriously, put the flippers away?? It takes a minute to notice but dear lord are you scared when you do. That’s the most terrifying thing you’ve seen so far. You can handle the color fixer, you can handle the stars of the city, but her ground slappers are making you want to call an association.

You’re starting to think this is some never-ending nightmare when at last everyone seems to have come to a mutual conclusion that they’ve gotten what they’ve come for.

You’re kind of praying that they actually just steal everything and run out the place, but clearly that isn’t their intention as they all turn towards you and form an unholy line.

You’re doing everything in your ability to check all the products out and keep it brief. Speaking of which, who needs this much cheese?? They might as well have rented out the dairy aisle like a venue because there is no reason for there to be this much.

Also there’s just an ungodly amount of meat from the deli aisle. They even picked up… alligator??? You didn’t even know that was something you could purchase, who’s farming alligator?

You’re starting to think that this is some hallucination as you pass the last item through the scanner after an excruciating long period of silence. You’re gonna have to ask management for more bags because almost all of them are gone.

The bill is so high and you’re kind of terrified to tell them it. Greta starts fishing something out of her pocket and hands you a single coupon code that’s supposed to save like 10 cents on any purchase.

Argalia walks up to the front and throws a case of money in front of you. You’re starting to feel like you’re partaking in some illegal dealings, and just nod and accept the amount of Ahn you were given.

That was the last you’ve seen of them, and Greta was off to make the absolute best dinner anyone could wish for.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Work, Not Youtube (8) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven

A Perfect Pair (ao3) - husbants

Summary: Dan, a struggling actor who works retail by day, and Phil, an ex-YouTuber-turned-porn-star, end up matched together on the new reality show, Perfect Pair.

all that kindred eyes can see (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Teachers Dan and Phil figure that they could quite easily keep their relationship secret while working at the same school. It's only for half a year after all. But the keen eyes of a trio of friends soon start to pick up on little hints and clues. It's a good thing the students mostly just want to admire their love and figure themselves out along the way.

As Long As I’m With You - mogars-sword

Summary: Dan, a hotel employee, is asked to come home with Phil, his coworker that he’s only known for a month, for Christmas. The only catch is Dan has to pretend to be Phil’s fiance, and things happen.

Buying Chocolate At 3:00 AM (ao3) - shallowlives

Summary: It's just another late night working at Walgreens, until Phil walks in asking for chocolate recommendations.

Coffee Spills and Ink Smudges (ao3) - TheKidFromYesterday

Summary: Dan spends more time than needed at the coffee shop where Phil works, but it's only because the prices are cheap and definitely not because Phil is cute.

Disney World Mishaps (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan works at Disney World, and Phil is a single parent who loses his son while on a trip to Florida. Phil loses his son, and goes to Dan for help.

every second with you, I want another (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Dan is a night cashier at a grocery store who is bored with his life and Phil is new to town and doesn’t believe in making a grocery list

fish me up (ao3) - megiaolf

Summary: Dan has a crush on the pet store clerk

For the lads (ao3) - Allthephils

Summary: Dan helps Phil get rid of some rabble rousers at the bar where he works.

Forever Frozen Still (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Phil is a wedding photographer, capturing the beauty of people's weddings day after day even if it's beginning to wear a little thin. Then he meets Dan, a cynical and irritating wedding planner who doesn't believe in love and finally, he finds something that inspires him.

Ghost boy (ao3) - Fictropes

Summary: He clues into what’s actually happening the eleventh time it happens.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (ao3) - citizen101erased

Summary: Dan has just started as a new teacher at a secondary school in Manchester, and immediately gets put in charge of the annual Christmas celebration. But between constant budget cuts, the two main roles coming down with laryngitis, and the original teacher possibly coming back earlier than expected, it will take all of Dan’s creativity - and that of the cute English teacher, Mr. Lester - to keep the show going, whatever it takes.

Midnight Garden (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: In which Phil is a gardener at the palace and Dan is a reclusive prince.

Milkshakes And Window Art (ao3) - luckysam78

Summary: Dan works at a diner and there's one boy who always is at the diner who he can't get his mind off.

My Juliet (ao3) - RyRyCaptain

Summary: Phil is a world-famous playwright, and he's directing his newest play, Romeo and Juliet. Dan is an actor who luckily receives the part of Juliet.

One punch is all it takes (ao3) - thesassykels66

Summary: Phil works at a haunted house, Dan is a passer by who is all alone. Everything take a shift when Dan accidentally punches Phil in the face.

pastry chef attempts to steal phil's heart (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: If anyone asks, Prince Philip's sneaky morning journeys down to the royal pastry kitchen are for nothing more than the perfect cup of coffee.

playing charades (ao3) - watergator

Summary: dan and phil work in the same office. bryony thinks they'd make a cute couple. they both seem to be equally as oblivious to each other as well as their feelings. at least, that's what everyone thinks...

possibly, maybe i'm falling (ao3) - lestered (clonetrobed)

Summary: It’s just another boring day at Dan’s summer internship. Luckily, there’s an accidental coffee date waiting for him at the customer service desk.

Potroast (ao3) - dickiegreenleaf

Summary: In which Dan is very serious about his pottery studio, pinch pots are vaguely made, and Phil just wants to ogle his boyfriend.

quite fetching (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil likes to take his dog on walks around the neighborhood. Dan works at the local elementary school.

Rebirth to Rebloom (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Dan Howell met Phil Lester while they were still in high school when Phil was helping him out. But as time went on, they lost touch when Phil graduated, and they never speak. Dan thought of him often and hung onto his crush all these years until Phil shows up at the flower shop he works and asks for Dan’s help arranging flowers for his daughters birthday.

Record Store Day (ao3) - americanphancakes

Summary: Dan’s claimed a copy of one of the RSD exclusives available at the small indie record shop that he owns, but someone else wants the same record.

Sail Away With Me (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: It was a fluke. Dan shouldn’t have ever gone with Sam to a party on a yacht. He shouldn’t have trusted her to go. But in a chance encounter, he ends up in bed with Phil Lester, a billionaire CEO of a luxury clothing company. When he thinks he’s screwed up enough, he realizes he’s in way too deep. Because Phil Lester has fallen in love with him. The catch: Dan gave Phil a fake name and all Phil has to remember Dan by is the tattoo on his hip and the necklace he left behind.

scratch bark bite (oh, love me, i lied) (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Music & Drama teacher Dan Howell has a well-known rivalry with his coworker, English teacher Phil Lester.

An unforeseen event flips everything Dan thought he knew about Phil and himself on its head. Slowly but surely, the grudge withers, and the two of them cross the line between enemy and friend. But what will happen when their true intents and feelings get revealed? And was what they had ever really a rivalry? Was it even mutual?

step into the light (ao3) - dayevsphil

Summary: Dan works the night shift at a corner store and Phil needs a sugar fix.

Sugar (ao3) - lovergalore

Summary: Phil works at a bakery and Dan is a single Dad.

The Best One Yet (ao3) - pasteldanhowells

Summary: Dan works at a library, and Phil is a teacher. Phil has been so stressed out lately that he completely forgot about Valentine’s Day (which never happens because Phil loves Valentine’s Day), so he takes it upon himself to surprise Dan.

The Canary (ao3) - galaxy_ash

Summary: Dan is a famous singer called The Capricious Canary, but known as The Canary by his fans and the public. Phil is a paparazzo who hates his job and is assigned to stalk Dan to get insider pictures.

Three Tattoos (ao3) - greensweater

Summary: When a talkative, blue-eyed boy named Phil Lester walks into Dan Howell's tattoo parlor one dusky autumn afternoon, Dan isn't sure what to make of him. But when Phil keeps coming back, their one-time connection grows into friendship, and eventually, something more.

to coffee or not to coffee (ao3) - danhoweiis

Summary: dan doesn't like coffee, phil works in a coffee shop. cue some awful attempts at flirting and some first dates

what lies beneath the waters (ao3) - watergator

Summary: prompt: cryptids

phil works at the loch ness monster museum where he meets a boy named dan

When the Tattoo Meets the Flower (ao3) - BigRedEnergy

Summary: Florist!Dan wears pastel clothing. One day he decides he wants to get a tattoo. He goes to the tattoo parlor across the street and meets Punk!Phil. Phil awkwardly flirts with Dan and Dan thinks he might like the odd tattoo artist.

World's Greatest First Love: The Case of Daniel Howell (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Dan Howell wanted a clean break from his father’s publishing company. It was why he applied for a different company in London: to stop the ridicule of his coworkers for riding on his ‘daddy’s coat tails’. But he wasn’t expecting to suddenly be going from a literature editor, to a graphic novel editor. And he certainly wasn't expecting to come face first with his first love who broke his heart from when he was a teenager: who just happens to be his new editor-in-chief.

you say go fast, i say hold on tight (ao3) - parentaladvisorybullshitcontent

Summary: He's Phil Lester, small independent bookshop owner, who wears graphic t-shirts and drinks too much coffee. That's it.

Except when it isn't.

In which Phil is sometimes a bookshop owner and sometimes a superhero, and Dan is a villain, of sorts.

[shotorozu]

OKOK I WAS READING THESE HQ THREADS THEN I SAW IT ON TIKTOK (IF THAT MAKES SENSE) Basically you ask ur bf for these feminine products that don’t exist (ex: coochie cleaner 3000) IM SORRY LMFAOO I WAS WONDERING IF U CAN DO BAKUGOU,SHINSO AND A CHARACTER OF UR CHOICE,HERES THE TT DONT MIND MY PROFILE THAT WILL MOST LIKELY SHOW UP IF U COPY N PASTE THE LINK https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe6U22uM/

getting non-existent feminine products

(tiktok prank)

character(s) : amajiki tamaki, bakugou katsuki, shinsou hitoshi (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, but they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : crack, fluff (x reader)

note(s) : i choose tamaki because i’ve been lacking with him lately but NWNDNWKX please this trend is so funny 💀

»»————-　♡　————-««

amajiki tamaki

the fact that he even has to get you feminine products was enough to make him blush

yeah, even though he had to get you feminine products in the past— he’s still quite shy about getting them in the grocery store (it’s the stares, not the concept)

WHAT MORE WHEN YOU DECIDED TO PRANK HIM?? poor tamaki

“tamaki, could you buy me more feminine products?” and he stops in his tracks, and a blush spreads on his cheeks “s-sure. what do you want me to get?”

“cooch pouch version 2.”

he blinks, and it looks like he has to pass out, “c-come again?”

“cooch pouch version 2. it’s in purple and pink packaging, tama!” the fact that you’re not even the slightest bit of embarrassed, makes him shake.

“okay, bunny. just stay here.” he sighs, and gets out of the car— and that’s when tamaki set off to get you ‘cooch pouch version 2’

he was looking around the feminine product isle, and he was literally about to ditch everything, run back to the car and cry himself to sleep, when he couldn’t find ‘cooch pouch version 2’

“may i help you, sir?” an employee finally decides to offer their services, when they noticed that tamaki was stuck in the isle for quite sometime.

okay tamaki. you’re a part of UA’s big three. there’s no need to be nervous because of this. he reassured himself first, before asking “d-do you have c-cooch pouch version 2?”

the employee blinks, “uh. cooch pouch version 2?” they ask again, and tamaki— very reluctantly, nods.

the walk back to the car felt shameful. “so? did you find it?” you discreetly film his reaction, and he shakes his head, absolutely mortified

“they,, didn’t have it.” tamaki whispers, a very aggressive blush on his face was evident. “i’m so sorry, bunny. they were nice, and i really tried—”

you just laugh. “no, it’s okay tamaki. you don’t have to look anymore.” you reassure him, patting him on the shoulder

you had to reassure him on your way back home 💀 he was just so mortified. you just agree to yourself that you’re never going to do that again

but on the brighter side, the tiktok did well, gathering 800k likes and 2.5M views. the comments were laughing at him, but they also felt REALLY bad

bakugou katsuki

katsuki’s already your errand boy, when it came to feminine products. he’s practically desensitized to it. even though he acts like he’s so annoyed by it

he’s so confused when he hears ‘super jumbo tampon deluxe; ribboned edition.’ and he’d like to say that he isn’t judging you

but he is, and it’s hard. “the hell’s that?? what are you even putting down there??” and you chuckle at his reaction

“don’t tell me you’re wussing out— on feminine products,” you tease, and he knows that. but he still rolls his eyes

“shut up. i’ll go get them, you’ll see.” he claims, opening the car door and marching off the to store

when he enters the feminine products section, he practically scans every single row for the packaging that has super jumbo tampon deluxe; ribboned edition on it’s front

but then there’s none. so then, that’s when his ruby red irises scan again, and again.

and of course, katsuki radiates intimidating energy— so no one dared on asking him what he was looking for especially in the feminine products section

katsuki— wanting to find the product, hesitates on asking for help, but he does anyway.

the employees blink, but they don’t want to question his motives— the expression on his face was enough to make them search the entire isle

afterwards, katsuki angrily marches back to the car— a slight blush showcased on his cheeks, most likely coming from shame

“so?” you have your phone in one hand, but it’s not very obvious that you’re filming him. “did you get it?”

“you.” he opens the car door, and slides right in, “you. humiliated. me.”

you laugh at his expression, “so i’m guessing that’s a no?”

“DUMBASS, SUPER JUMBO TAMPON DELUXE; RIBBONED EDITION DOESN’T EVEN EXIST. I LOOKED LIKE A FOOL.” he exclaims, irritated and humiliated by the entire encounter

and when you revealed that it was a prank, he,, wasn’t very pleased.

katsuki takes away your kissing privileges, and he’s in a rather silent mood for the rest of the day— but he says he’ll forget about it, if you’ll cook him dinner

you posted the tiktok after you got home, and everyone just assumed you passed away in the hands of your boyfriend 💀 at least you’re tiktok famous now

shinsou hitoshi

again, also very desensitized to the idea of getting you feminine products— since, it’s not something that you can CONTROL freely

and he’s not in the right place to judge you anyway

he won’t make a big deal out of it, hitoshi will just get your products, and then camouflage it with things from the snack isle

so, hitoshi’s questioning you— when you asked him to buy ‘urethra padding cleanser’ since he’s also familiar with the feminine products isle

he wasn’t aware on what THAT even was, it’s pretty obvious— due to the fact that his eyes were wide like saucers.

“kitten, do you need to go to the doctor?” he asks— he’s half joking, but he’s also half serious because wtf is a urethra padding cleanser??

“no,” you shake your head, “you said you wouldn’t judge.” you fein being bashful, and this seems enough to trick him

“right, sorry kitten. it’s just very concerning that you’d need something like that”

you blink, and he raises his hands up in defeat “i’ll,, try to find it.” even though he isn’t very convinced that he’d find it

he enters the isle, and he scans every single row— and to no one’s surprise, he can’t find it

hitoshi decides to look around again, and when he turns around— there’s a clerk there, smiling at him, and also at his assistance

“hello! do you need help in finding something?”

thank you, store employee. he’s glad he doesn’t have to ask “i,, guess you could say that. uh, does this store have a ‘urethra padding cleanser’?”

the store clerk looks at him like he’s gone mad. “uh,” they look through the isle once again, “i’ll be right back, we’ll need some assistance.”

it doesn’t take long for him to realize that ‘urethra padding cleanser’ doesn’t. even. exist.

he decides that it’s probably best for him to buy some snacks— because leaving the store empty handed feels weird to him.

the tall man apologizes to the staff as he leaves, and the walk back to the car is basically one long walk of shame

“it doesn’t exist,” hitoshi’s quick to say, placing the snacks in your lap— “urethra padding cleanser doesn’t exist. i should’ve trusted my gut.”

you snicker, and you’re glad that you’re filming his reaction— because the look on his face is just priceless. “did you ask for help?”

“i did, actually. they looked at me like i was on some weird shit,” he turns his head, and he’s now facing you “i’m never doing that again.” even though he actually goes back your next cycle, and gets you everything

when you finished recording the tiktok— and also when you revealed that it was all a prank, hitoshi looks SO done

“who would’ve guessed,” he sighs, laying his head on your shoulder “you got there, Y/N. i’ll give you that.” and you’re lowkey lucky that he loves you a lot to not even care 💀

you upload the tiktok in the following hours, and it does great. the comments were mostly laughing at his reaction at the end and they were also sympathetic for him

it somehow managed to get to kaminari’s fyp— considering that he sent you a video of him laughing hysterically the tiktok 🗿

needless to say, hitoshi will ask you if it IS a real product, the next time you make him buy products with,, weird and questionable names

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[pixelrhys]

this has been rotating in my brain at 100 mph and my brain is also like “make this an ask blog” but i already have like 3 ask blogs i need to update orz

anyway grocery store au bc the idea is funny (and also bc i work in a grocery store. the holidays are coming up. im struggling to cope.)

i only have the gym leaders so far but i’ll draw the elite 4 eventually... and maybe some of the side characters too (like riley, cheryl, etc)

anyway here’s the rundown on the gym leaders (also bonus sona):

Roark:

- Unlike how I draw his canon counterpart (decently tall) and unlike his canon self (just having a good time :]), this guy is STRESSED and SHORT.

- applied for this position because it’s away from too much noise.

- Early 20s, autistic, and lives with his dad. Trying to find some college classes though! 

- Has good relationships with all of his coworkers.

Gardenia:

- Easily runs between departments. Floral isn’t very active anyway so it isn’t hard.

- Usually works with Cheryl and they’re BFFs.

- Seems to have a stronger relationship with Candice, Roark and Maylene.

- Mid 20s but she’s getting through it just fine (Or at least that’s what everyone else thinks).

Maylene:

- This is her first job as she just turned the appropriate working age (16).

- HATED that that was the only position she could have. Luckily they won her over with the cart gathering, as she is strong enough to push more than the others.

- Hot-headed and competitive with the other clerks.

- Good friendship with Wake and looks up to him.

Wake:

- VERY nice guy but kinda stupid. Big himbo.

- Somewhere near or in his 40s.

- Can be very loud and tends to pat people roughly on the back as a sign of affection. This often knocks people over because he’s pretty strong. Only Byron and Volkner seem to be able to take the pats well.

- Used to be a wrestler before deciding to move to something less extreme.

Fantina:

- Usually wears makeup and usually looks younger than she actually is. If anything, she’s close to middle-aged.

- Actually LOVES baking, especially little poffin-like pastries. She sometimes brings snacks for her coworkers.

- Still dramatic as hell and has dreams of being famous one day.

- Has an interest in the occult. She enjoys sharing ghost stories and Gardenia isn’t a huge fan of them.

Byron:

- Is the one who managed to help Roark get his job in the first place. Tends to be a little hard on him but only because he knows he has potential and wants him to succeed.

- Has a resting bitch face sometimes but he’s not actually that mean. Gets a little grumpy but other than that he can be cool to hang around. In his mid 40s.

- Good friends with Wake and Fantina. Fantina mostly because her station is right next to his and she tends to talk a lot.

- *hands you a piece of cheese* *hands you a piece of ham* *hands you a piece of cheese* *hands you a piece of ham* *hands you a piece of ch

Candice:

- Her job is to make sure certain items are in stock. She likes to hang out in the giant cooler in the back of the store though.

- Can be a little hyper depending on the day.

- Around her mid 20s like Gardenia.

- Is the one who is getting pins for everyone for their aprons. Not everyone has one yet but she’s working on it.

Volkner:

- Around 30 years old.

- Actually has pretty bad depression but never brings it up because he doesn’t care that much. He’s already on medication.

- Pretty repressed and aloof. Despite this, he isn’t actually a bad guy. Years of mental problems made it hard for him. He still gets along well with his coworkers, especially one of the managers (Flint, who worries about him a lot). Customers don’t seem bothered by his attitude as no one’s complained about it yet.

- Great with electronics. If the cash register breaks, he fixes it no problem. Tends to go overboard when he’s not feeling anything and causes power outages at his house.

AND SONA

Fitzgerald:

- Works in maintenance but sometimes goofs off when no one is looking. Mostly hangs out in the back with Roark or in the breakroom.

- Same age as Roark (Early 20s) and gay as hell.

- His living situation is actually pure shit. He lives in a small, messed up apartment so he never lets anyone come over. Doesn’t bring this up and avoids any questions about it.

- Strong friends with Roark and that’s about it. The others (Especially Byron) think he’s a little too annoying for their tastes (They don’t hate him though, but Byron is watching him like a hawk).

[gay-hoodie-boy]

gimme the list.

Let's see we got:

Echo; Genshin s/i. Jewelry maker/shop owner originally from Teyvat, moved to Inazuma for his mother's health- they don't have a very good relationship but she's elderly and frail and he's doing his best to take care of her.

Indigo; ALBW s/i. Originally from a very very bad life in Lorule, gets transported to Hyrule and wanders around before finding a home in Kakariko village. Palm reader who wears mismatched gloves. *

Avalon; OoT s/i. Malon's little twin brother and employee of the Happy Mask Salesman, opens a mask shop in Kakariko village when he grows up. Eventually helps Malon chase Ingo off the ranch.

Benjamin Montague; Great Ace Attorney s/i. Young actor being terrorized by several villains, unfortunately.

Click/Mickey; Megaman X s/i. Mechanic who gets assigned to the 17th Elite Unit as pretty much the team's medic, has a fox reploid that doubles as a walking toolbox. *

Starchaser (real name in the works); Sk8 s/i. Ballet dancer/actor by day, roller-skating rockstar by night. Gets invited to play at S upon his return from Russia. Crown; Deltarune s/i. Darkner and prince of a theater prop closet Dark World. Gets bombarded by Rouxls' need to serve royalty when Kris and co arrive in his Dark World. *

Oliver/Ollie; Xenoblade s/i. Colony 6 survivor who goes through a lot but ends up living in Colony 9 with everyone else.

Lorenzo Rossi; Pokemon s/i. Grew up being forced to work with Team Rocket but manages to run away.*

Akatsuki (temp name); Gokushufudo s/i. Grocery store clerk who wants to be a famous stage actor one day.*

Lark (temp name); TotK s/i. Humble Sheikah musician doing odd jobs and babysitting in his hometown of Kakariko village.*

Prince; Street Fighter s/i. Aspiring musician, guest-turned-roommate-turned-partner of an internet friend.*

I don't have s/i's for BotW, Undertale, or My Inner Demons yet, but I'll update this list if I end up making those :)

as for Pokemon, I technically have several s/i's, but Lorenzo (who's paired with Jackie) is the only one with functional lore, which is why he's the only one listed.