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beels-burger-babe · 4 years ago

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Of Jealousy and Friendship - Pt. 2

**I'd like to first take a second thank @obey-mes-treasure for being so awesome being a beta reader for me for this! Your input really helped! Thank you so much 💓

Also THANK YOU EVERYONE SO SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE YOU'VE GIVEN THIS FIC, I'm so blown away that you guys really like this that much! I love you all ❤❤

GN! MC

Summary: MC makes a lower demon friend who may secretly be hoping for something more than friendship. The Demon Bros are not about to let this happen.

TW: Scenting (NOT SEX! I REPEAT! It is intimate, yes, but we’re just cuddling here. I put this just in case)

Part One: Here, Epilogue: Here

Previously on Of Jealousy and Friendship:

With another nod, the demon, Cane left, leaving you alone with six of the seven brothers bubbling with jealousy, anger, and concern.

The moment Cane was out of sight, Mammon, still in his demon form, grabbed onto your wrist and began to drag you inside.

You yelped at the tightness of his grip and tried to pull your hand away. “Hey! Mammon, stop it! That hurts!”

The second born merely growled and tossed you onto the couch. As you looked up you were met by the fierce glares of several of the brothers and looks of disappointments from the rest.

“What the hell were ya thinkin’?” Mammon wasn’t shouting. He wasn’t screaming. His voice remained low and steady with a dangerous venom that dripped off every word. “Ya can’t just go frolickin’ through the Devildom with some second-rate demon ya just met. Especially not when ya haven’t told any of us where ya went or how long you’d be out. You could’ve been killed tonight, MC! And none of us would’ve known!”

You returned his glare as you shifted yourself to sit up on the couch. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m allowed to make my own decisions. You guys don’t control me! If I want to make friends and hang out after school, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“We aren’t trying to control you, MC,” Beelzebub calmly stated. He stared down at you with a concerned frown and furrowed brows. “We just want to make sure that you’re safe. You know from experience how dangerous it is down here, and we want to keep you from getting hurt any more than you already have.”

“Besides that demon, Cane I believe you called him,” Satan began, his arms still crossed in restrained frustration, “was clearly after something a little more than friendship.”

You blinked at Satan in confusion before glancing at the others, who all seemed to be awaiting your response. “Wh-What...What are you talking about? Cane’s just a friend.”

Belphegor tsked and rolled his eyes. “Ugh, Diavolo, please tell me you are not this stupid. He’s saying that the pest obviously had a crush on you or at the very least wanted to get into your pants.”

“Which we can’t entirely blame him for, I mean, look at you, darling, you’re delicious,” Asmodeus said matter-of-factly as you squawked in protest. “But he stepped out of place,” the Avatar of Lust’s eyes flashed as he gritted his teeth.

You felt your confusion grow more and more inside of you as questions swarmed inside your head. “I don’t understand.”

Lucifer sighed and looked over at Beelzebub. “Go get Levi. He’ll want to be here for this discussion.”

You frowned as Beel left the room and looked over at Lucifer. “What discussion? You guys are making no sense!” You ran a frustrated hand through your hair as you groaned. “I get it. I should’ve been more cautious and let you guys know in advance. I’m sorry,” your eyes desperately searched Lucifer’s gaze for answers. “But there’s really no need for this...this intervention! I’m fine! He didn’t hurt me. I’m-”

“Scented.”

You whipped around at Levi’s voice. He stood in the entry way with Beel, his face bright red as he held a hand over his mouth and nose and shakily pointed at you. “He scented you. Y-You let him scent you?”

Lucifer face palmed himself and slowly let his hand fall off his face in clear annoyance. “We were just about to get to that, Leviathan.” Lucifer’s black and red eyes found your own as he raised a single eyebrow. “What do you know about scenting?”

Your head tilted, even more dumbfounded than before. “You mean that were-wolf thing?”

“WHAT?! NO, IT’S NOT A WERE-WOLF THING YOU NORMIE!!!” Levi shouted, clearly flustered by the topic. “Scenting i-is a... i-i-it’s...when two people...GAAAAAH!” he let out a shout as he threw himself into one of the chairs and hid his face in a cushion. “Someone else explain it, please! I-I can’t do this! It’s too high level!”

The brothers all exchanged glances, all in varying states of blush, as they silently debated on who would explain the apparently taboo subject.

Eventually it was Lucifer who cleared his throat and seemed to be attempting to appear unbothered by all of this. “As you know demons are very possessive creatures. We don’t particularly like when others meddle with things that either belong to us or that we are fond of. As a result of this behavior and our heightened sense of smell, when a demon finds a person whom they are greatly fond of, we have the tendency to transfer our scent onto that person’s being, clothing, and belongings. It’s meant to be a consensual act of intimacy and a mark of one’s close bond with someone. It strictly marks that person as “off-limits” to all other demons.”

You blinked a couple times as you took in the information, your cheeks heating up. “A-And you said Cane did that to me?”

You opened your mouth to argue, but then was suddenly hit by a flashback of the two of you dancing at the club. You could remember the music pulsing around the two of you and the way that Cane kept holding onto your shoulder, waist, or wrist with lingering touches. Thinking back on it, you remembered finding it odd that someone was so touchy with someone they just met, but blamed it on the cramped space that the dance floor provided. Your stomach twisted at the newly revealed implication. “S-So he was scenting me without me even knowing?” The brothers’ concern and anger suddenly made a lot more sense as a wave of guilt and unease washed over you.

Mammon huffed, avoiding eye contact with you. “Exactly. The guys an asshole. I’ve been wanting to scent ya since we made a pact but ya don’t see me gettin’ all touchy feely!” He froze, with wide eyes as he realized what he just said. “I-I-I mean, what?! Pfft! Who would want to scent a human like you! Not-Not the GREAT Mammon, that’s for sure! I-It makes so sense!”

The brothers collectively sighed. “Mammon, you absolute moron.” Belphegor mumbled as he shook his head.

“OI! SHUT IT!”

Asmodeus laughed and plopped himself into the seat beside you. “Please Mammon. You being love-sick over MC is old news. There’s no use even trying to cover it up. But even so, we all know there’s no way you’d be the first one MC chooses to scent them,” he draped an arm over your shoulder and leaned in close, “It’d obviously be me, right~?”

Levi scoffed from where he was still hiding behind the cushion on the chair. “Wh-Whatever. Not that it even matters now. That nobody of a demon already scented them. Now none of us will get to be their first...” He squeaked as he trailed off, suddenly shooting up from the chair. “I-I mean the first to scent you! N-Not anything weird! Not that you would do either of those things with a yucky otaku like me. I mean that kind of stuff only happens in animes.”

The brothers all went quiet after the first part of Levi’s rambling and seemed to become lost in their own train of thought. Your jaw dropped a little as realization finally clicked in. They hadn’t just been concerned about you missing or angry about you being so reckless... “You all wanted to scent me,” the room froze at your words. “That’s why you were all so frustrated when I came back with him. You were jealous.”

“What?! N-No!” Mammon sputtered in defense, weakly glaring at you. “I don’t get jealous! I’m Mammon! Avatar of Greed, second born of the Lords of Devildom! I can have anything I want! I especially don’t get jealous over wimpy, pathetic-” “Yes we were jealous.” Lucifer admitted, effectively cutting off Mammon and surprising everyone. He met your eyes and smirked. “Is that particularly surprising? I thought we had all been quite clear with our fondness of you.”

“Scenting you would have many benefits. It would help keep you safer when you’re alone. It’d also establish that, similar to how we all are yours through the pacts, you’d then be seen as ours by all demonic beings,” Satan smiled as he placed a hand under his chin, seemingly unaffected by the implications of his own words. “The idea is certainly appealing, don’t you think?”

You gaped at the group of them as your face became hot with blush. You weren’t expecting this. Even as you threw the idea into the air, you were not expecting the emotionally constipated brothers that you had become so fond of to actually admit that they cared about you. “You all...H-How would that even work?”

“Well we’d get his nasty, normie scent off of you for starters,” Levi mumbled not quite as quietly as he meant to, and squeaked when he realized just how loud his words were. “I-It’s true! Scenting them will be more difficult since they’re already coated in his scent!”

Beel nodded scrunching up his nose. “It does smell bad. It really doesn’t mix well with your scent at all.”

Asmo nuzzled his head against your shoulder. “We’d have to cuddle you all night to cover it up. Not that any of us would mind~” You yelped as Belphie plopped himself by your other side and put his head in your lap. “I suppose I can just sleep with you as my pillow.”

You opened and closed your mouth several times as you felt your heart leap into your throat with all the sudden attention. After all the revelations of the night, the sudden contact just seemed too overwhelming.

“That is if you would allow this, MC.” Lucifer sharply cut in, causing Asmo and Belphie to stiffen. “It’s like you said. We don’t control you. We will continue to respect that and you regardless of your decision,”

Belphegor huffed and looked up at you. “Well? Are you gonna let us scent you or not?”

The air tensed as each of the brothers waited with bated breath for your answer.

You gulped as you thought about it for a minute. Being in the center of a cuddle pile of seven of the most powerful demons of the Devildom wouldn’t be that bad would it? Besides, it’s not like you didn’t love them all in their own special way. They annoyed you from time to time, and knew how to push your buttons, but at the end of the day, you all cared for another and you could depend on that. You knew that no matter what happened, they would always look out for you, and by the sounds of things this whole scenting thing would allow them to keep you safe even if they weren’t around. You could feel your heart warm at the sentiment of it all.

Your decision made, you smiled softly at them.

“I think I’d like that.”

Asmodeus let out a cheer and instantly starting snuggling up close to your arm as he nuzzled his face into your neck, causing you to giggle and gently push him back a little.

Belphie shrugged and closed his eyes as he laid back down on your lap. He was obviously trying to act as though he didn’t care, but the small smile that graced his lips gave him away in an instant.

Mammon’s face became extremely flushed as he shoved Asmodeus off of you. “Oi! Don’t hog, MC! Y-You’re not the only one here!” He avoided your eyes as he shakily took your hand into his and stared at the two of them intertwined.

Asmodeus snorted and merely moved over to the other arm, “If you’re going to claim one of the prime cuddling spots Mammon, at least do something that’s actually effective in scenting them.” You made the choice to mentally block out Mammon as he started arguing with Asmo.

Beel stood awkwardly beside you. “I’ll, uh, I’ll take up too much space for the others if I go by your side. So I was thinking maybe it’d be best if I sat behind you?”

You smiled fondly at the gentle giant and, with a bit of effort and complaining from the others, moved forward enough to make room for Beel to sit down behind you. Once comfy, you felt his two strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you against his chest with a satisfied hum.

Satan pushed up the sleeves of his jacket and took a seat beside Mammon. “Since Mammon’s too idoitic to scent this side properly, I suppose I will have to suffice,” he smirked as he tilted his head. “If you don’t mind that is?”

You huffed in amusement, much to Mammon’s displeasure, and nodded in consent.

Satan grinned brightly and began to rub his inner wrist along your shoulder and neck. He inhaled gently and sighed in relief, seemingly pleased with the result of his action before resting his head on your shoulder and continuing his ministrations. “Contact from one’s inner wrist to another’s neck or wrist is one of the most effective ways to scent someone. You can rest assured that you won’t smell anything like him by the time we are through.”

You chuckled and patted Satan’s head. “Thank you, Satan.”

You glanced over at Levi as he shifted from foot to foot looking over at you anxiously. “Are you going to join us, Leviathan?”

His face turned bright red as he tensed at the question. “A-Are you sure you want a gross shut-in like me to scent you? C-Cause everyone will know! You won’t be able to h-h-hide it at school or pretend like it d-didn’t happen or-”

“Levi?” His head shot up as he looked at you once more. He gave him a reassuring smile and patted your other leg that wasn’t being used as a pillow by Belphie. “Get over here, please.”

He sputtered for a second before nodding, and nearly tripping over himself as he rushed over to the cuddle pile and hesitantly placed his head on your leg.

You could feel your heart flutter at being surrounded and held by the demons that you had come to love, but it still wasn’t perfect yet. You looked over at Lucifer, who stood watching the group with an uncharacteristically soft expression, in confusion.

Lucifer understood your thoughts without you even having to speak them. “I’m in no rush. Now that we have your consent, I’m sure there will be another time when I can personally scent you without the annoyances of my brothers being around.” He stood and began to leave the room. “Enjoy your night. I will see you tomo-”

“Lucifer.” You commanded, causing him to tense and freeze on the spot. “Get your pompous ass over here.”

The demon sighed and turned around, making his way back over to you. He moved between you and Asmo, and nudged Beel to scootch over, before settling in slightly behind you, nuzzling in close. “You really are insufferable.” He mumbled as he pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

You grinned, feeling joy and content buzz within you at finally being in the arms of your found family. In that moment, everything felt right and whole.

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f1carsgovroomvroom · 2 years ago

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How to ruin a friendship part 2

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Celine (his girl best friend)

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: some smut, a little bit of miscommunication and insecurities.

Note: I’m sorry for taking such a long time to post another part but I have an important exam coming up and I’ve been studying 24/7. Hope you like this part.

Having a one night stand is and having to do the walk of shame is one thing. Having a one night stand and living in the same house as the person you slept with is actual hell.

I pretended to sleep for a long time, because today we had no plans for the morning, they were cancelled once we knew we’d drink with Charles. However, having to leave my room, at some point was necessary. So what now? Do I fist bump him and say thanks for the sex? Do I even mention it? Do I just act normal? Well, we are about to find out because I could hear him in the kitchen and that’s where I am headed too.

I open my bedroom door and walk as normal as I can to the kitchen. When I get there and Max is drinking some water, I could feel my eyes getting bigger and just staring at him, probably that was the reason he choked on water.

“Good morning!” I finally said, as he was just wiping the water from his mouth.

“Good morning.” He replied, scratching the back of his neck after he places the glass in the sink.

We didn’t say anything for a few seconds, just letting the silence fill the room but this was not like us. We talked a lot, we joked, we laughed. This - this was awkward.

“About last night,” if he didn’t say anything, I had to, “we should talk. Maybe?” My courage disappeared after the first part.

He nodded. “I assumed you wouldn’t leave your room for at least 2 hours more. Glad to see you here, in the kitchen.”

I wanted to laugh but I had to do breathing exercises in the mirror before coming out. To make sure I still know how to breath.

“Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I rolled my eyes. “But I’m serious. We should discuss that before it gets in the way of our friendship.”

“Okay, take a sit.” He gestured to the high chairs in front of the counter he was facing.

I sat down and Max took a step back, leaning on the other kitchen cupboards. Only one cupboard and a few steps were between us.

“So… what happened last night.” He started, “was not really something I was expecting to happen,” he continued, scratching the back of his neck once again. “I think we both let the alcohol take control of our actions.”

“Okay, so it was the alcohol.” I stated. In other words he also thought it was a mistake, which I wanted to believe too. Destroying our friendship for sex is just stupid. Feelings come and go, and these ones can be locked away.

“No, Celine. It’s not what I meant. I mean, we wanted this prior to getting drunk, but the alcohol pushed us. Did you not want this before?” Max’s attention was fully on me.

Did I want it prior to thar? Yes. I sometimes wanted to know what his lips felt like. Sometimes I even wanted to feel the way his skin felt under mine, the way he would react if I touched him in places I wasn’t supposed to.

“Max…” my voice betrayed me, my courage was leaving my body. “I can’t lie to you. I did want it before, but is it worth risking our friendship?”

“Well, the friendship is at risk already.” Max put that out there, like it meant nothing. Was their friendship just “nothing” to him? “I’ll be honest. I didn’t think you’d come out of that room, jumping on me, kissing and begging me to be yours. I know you too well. But the alcohol is not to be blamed because we were both very aware of our actions last night. We were tipsy, not drunk. We fucked, Celine.” The way my name sounded, made me have flashbacks of the night before. “And if you tell me you wouldn’t want it again, I’d know you’re lying. You begged for it last night, you were taking whatever I was giving you. Our friendship is not what it was prior to last night.”

I tried to look away from him, knowing he was right.

“Celine, I am here.” His voice sounded annoyed. “For fuck sake. You sucked my dick here, last night. You said you wanted it. Was it a lie? Because to me it looked completely real.”

I shook my head.

“Words, Celine. Words.”

“Max, maybe for you last night is already a subject you digested. I still…” I couldn’t find the words.

“Are you ashamed?”

“Max, no. Not that. I value you in my life, our friendship, our time, all these are important to me.” Making myself clear with my feelings was a difficult subject.

“But last night changed us.” I nodded. “I don’t think going back to friends, seeing each other flirt with other people would work.”

“So what? We date? We go to being completely professional?” I asked.

“Well, we do what we both agree on doing. I want to try, but I also know you and you know me.”

“We are doomed from the start.” I added, and it was true.

“Doomed relationships are my expertise.” We both laughed. “Celine, you mean a lot to me. Professionally and personally. I had moments when I wanted to kiss you, I had moments when I wanted to fuck you and I had moments when I wished I could hold your hand in front of the worst reporters.”

“But we don’t make sense.”

We both knew, he was famous, he was the Max Verstappen. I was just someone in his PR team. A friend not many people cared about.

“To who?” He questioned.

“The world.”

“No, Celine. We don’t make sense to you. The world, the people around us, they do not have a say in what makes sense to me or to you.”

“But Max, the media will say ‘She had to fuck her way up’, ‘she sucked a lot of dick to land that job’. It will be bad for you too. All we worked for, your better image, everything.”

“Then we go incognito. Not because I am afraid to damage my image but I do not want you to suffer in the process of doing this. You’re always with me anyway. Going out with you is normal for the paparazzi. Staying in my house is normal. I will refrain from touching you in public.”

Max looked at me, waiting for an answer. He moved around the cupboard, coming on the side I was on, turned me around in the chair so I could face him.

“I don’t need an answer now. Think about it. I just didn’t want you to think last night was a simple fuck, or that I’d blame the alcohol.”

My mind was screaming danger, but my heart was saying the danger is worth it.

“I wanted to kiss you since the day you took me to meet your parents.” I said, almost as a whisper.

“That was weeks after we met.” Max’s face was saying ‘confused.com’

“Yes.” I could feel myself blush. “I just knew I didn’t really stand a chance so friendship was the closest thing. I learnt to love you as a friend.”

“Oh.” Max didn’t say anything else, but took a step back, making more space between us.

I pulled him by his t-shirt back nearer me. “But last night, I was sober. If not 100% sober, I was completely in control of my thoughts and actions. Like I am now.”

My hands cupped his face and I pulled his face closer to mine, kissing him.

He smiled while kissing me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“You’re so bad with expressing yourself. Telling me you love me as a FRIEND, then kissing me like this and telling me you wanted the things that happen last night.”

“Shut up. You dated so many girls during our friendship so obviously friendship was the only available thing.” I rolled my eyes.

“I had a few dates but nothing worked, you know it. You dated Lucas for real.”

“Drop it, Max.” I rolled my eyes once again.

“My pants? You were kind of begging last night to suck me off.” He winked at me.

“You’re so full of yourself. The alcohol affected my judgement enough for me to get past your arrogance, it seems.”

A smile formed on his face. Teasing and pushing one another was our favourite thing anyway, but now it had more to it.

“I think my arrogance is what you like most about me.”

“You’re delusional, Max.” My response did nothing apart from making his smile bigger. It was not the kind of smile that you’d think he is the happiest man, no, it’s the kind of smile that a little kid has before he does the naughtiest thing ever.

His face close the gap between us and for a second I thought he’d kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me but his mouth got closer to my ear and I shivered. He chuckled.

“There is nothing I’d love more than fucking you to prove that you like my arrogance. But we have more important matters to discuss.”

He took a very small step back, our faces just a bit more than an inch away.

“When I kiss you again, I want to know that you’re in this and you’re not going to find excuses to run.”

As always, Max would say anything he has on his mind, dryly, but saying everything he thought of. That’s what I loved about him the most, but this part is not one I’ll tell him about.

“I kissed you earlier.” I raised my eyebrow and narrowed my eyes.

“Mmm, okay, I’ll let you have that. But I need words.”

“Maxy, actions mean more than words.” I used one finger to touch him playfully on his chest.

He caught my hand. “I need to hear it.”

Knowing Max, inside out, meant I knew when I could push for him to do something and when I couldn’t. In this case, it was a no go.

“Yes, Max. I am in, I want you, I wanted you for months, closer now to years probably. I have been falling for you for a while.” I said the words so quickly, probably all the rappers in the world are jealous of me right now but I could still feel my face being as red as a tomato and Max’s smile was giving it away even more.

“Celine, you’re cute.”

Max never went around saying such things. He would often actually tell me that compliments are not good because they lose their meaning when used too often.

“Repeat that, Maxy.”

“Call me ‘Maxy’ one more time and I promise you, you’ll not be able to walk after.” I knew he hated it, he let it go once, but second time was enough for him to explode.

“Okay, okay,” I looked at him making a pause, “Max-“ his eyebrows raised, “-y”.

His naughty smile was back. “I get it now, you wanted me to fuck you but for this, I’ll actually having another punishment. I’ll not touch you.”

“What? Max, come on, it was a joke.” I said quickly, not realising it upset him that much.

He laughed and I relaxed a bit.

“You’re needy. I didn’t know that.” His hands were back around me.

“I’m not needy in general.” I said, shyly.

“You’re needy with me.” Max looked at me and waited for my answer.

“I’m needy with you because I wanted you for a long time.” I rolled my eyes, knowing it was exactly what he wanted me to say. “I’m only needy with you because I want you a lot.”

That earned me a tight hug, my legs now around him, our chests touching.

“I didn’t know your ego needed boosted as much as it does.”

He snorted. He didn’t loosen up the hug but his face was not in front of mine.

“So, you’re my girlfriend now.” I was expecting him to either ask me or we’d just never have that conversation but Max is something else.

“Oh, no question asked? You just assume?”

“You just said you wanted me so badly. I am giving you the opportunity to be my girlfriend.”

“Maxy, don’t test my patience.”

“Maxy is growing on me.”

“I can feel something else growing. You called me needy but I have a feeling you’re the neediest person.”

“When it comes to you, I will be like a starved man.”

The kiss that followed felt like my lips were his food and he’s been starved for months. However, the kiss slowed down and Max just became softer. People would probably think this is a lie if I ever told them that Max is soft.

“I made plans for us because I knew you’d be mine by the end of the conversation.”

The arrogance and the know it all were Max’s characteristics, but we also knew each other well.

“I’ll ignore the last part of the conversation, what are the plans?”

“A boat ride. Well, more like a yacht ride. Charles allowed me to have his for the day.”

“You two are getting too close, I’m starting to worry.”

I pulled him closer and kissed him once again. “Do we have time for something quick?”

“Anything I’d do with you now isn’t quick.”

But that didn’t stop Max from kissing my neck and it didn’t stop me from wrapping my legs around him. That allowed him to pick me up and carry me to the sofa, lying me down as he continued to kiss me. The position was perfect for him to push himself onto me so I could feel how hard he was. The shorts he was wearing were so thin, they felt like nothing and pyjama trousers were not any better.

His hand sneaked under my top, holding onto my hip, then as he started kissing me down my neck, his hand travelled up my body, finding my breast and squeezing hard enough to make it a bit painful but the pain was mixed with all the pleasure he was giving me. He stopped kissing my neck and pulled my top up to get it off, giving him access to my breast even more. His mouth found my breast in seconds, the other hand still squeezing the other one, until his hand went down my belly, inside my trousers.

“No panties.” He said, as he raised his head just enough to see my face. “You knew we’d do this.”

Truth is, I didn’t know for sure, but I wanted it to happen again.

He didn’t wait for an answer or a confirmation, he already knew I wasn’t wearing any panties for him.

It didn’t take him long to start rubbing my clit and my moans to fill the room.

As he kissed me further down my belly, he was now on his knees in front of the sofa, removing my trousers, leaving kisses all over.

“As much as I’d like to have a good taste of you, we have to hurry.” Two fingers were now inside me and his thumb was on my clit. “You’re so wet already.”

He got up, removed his top with the quickest movement and then his shorts were on the floor.

I knew after this, there was no turning back to being friends. Well, last night was the moment that we both fucked this friendship, but right now, fully sober, we ruined this.

“Are you okay? Are you sore? Does it hurt?”

I didn’t expect Max to ever be this caring or careful with someone.

“No, no. I feel fine, I was just in my thoughts.” His eyebrow raised again, telling me he needed more than that to continue. “I was just thinking that this is the end of our friendship.”

“And it’s the beginning of us.” With that, he pushed a bit of himself inside me, making me moan. “And if necessary, I’ll fuck you so good, you’ll realise friendship was not nearly enough.”

This time he pushed all of him inside me in one quick movement. The sudden intrusion felt good, almost like I needed that. He pulled out completely and has done it again, making me moan loudly.

“I don’t think me as a friend can give you this much pleasure.”

I shook my head. “I think this is better.”

That made him lose control, I wasn’t sure why, but it did. He increased his speed, holding onto me hips hard that I am sure now I’ll have bruises. His thumb around my clit, making me reach my orgasm quicker than I thought was possible for me.

Once I came down from it, Max was kissing me gently and pulling out.

“Did you finish?” He shook his head. “Then continue.”

“No, I wanted to give you this before we go, but I was selfish and I wanted you to finish on my cock instead of my tongue.”

The dirty talk was never part of my previous relationships and the words made me blush.

“But I want you to cum too.”

“I will. We have the day on the yacht. Never had sex on a yacht.” And there was another wink. I thought this man was unable to wink but I came to the conclusion he looked as adorable as Charles trying to wink.

“Oh, that’s your plan.” I pushed myself up on my elbows and I kissed him. “I’ll make it unforgettable.”

We got ready in our separate rooms, making me think if this will change eventually that now that we are dating. It’s something I haven’t thought about previously. I put on a dress and put a cardigan in my bag, in case it’s colder on the sea and I was ready. Knowing we would probably swim at some point meant that makeup was useless. I also put in my bag some SPF to make sure I don’t get burned.

Max was ready at the same time as me, in some casual shorts, a white shirt and a hat.

We went to meet Charles, who gave us the keys and he seemed quite aware of the situation between us by the looks he was giving Max. If it was anyone else I’d be worried but Charles is not the type to go around and talk about other people’s lives. He is just not like that.

Once we left, Max got closer to me, close enough to whisper in my ear but not the type of close that would make anyone think there is anything between us, in case we get our picture taken.

“Excited to find out how it feels to be with me on a yacht?”

“Uhum.” I couldn’t really find any words when the images of us on the yacht came up in my mind.

“Or excited to be on me, on the yacht?” His smirk made me weaker than his words.

“Shut up, Max. Keep it down until you’re actually on the yacht. Do you even know how to get is started?” I asked, knowing for sure he never was in charge of one.

“There was enough said between Charles and I to know how to do everything needed for this afternoon.” His confidence really made me think that he put a lot more effort into this than I have anticipated.

In a few minutes we were where Charles’s yacht was. We got on, Max as he said knew how to get it started and we were now getting further away from the land. To be able to hear only the sea and the birds was magical. We were now in the middle of the sea and with the boats or anyone around us, Max stopped. A few minutes after I felt his hands around me.

“Do you like it?” I nodded and he rested his head between my head and my shoulder, leaving kisses on my shoulder. “As much as it will sound so cheesy, I’ve wanted to be like this with you for a long time and I feel lucky today.”

“Using nice words to get me to sit on you?” I turn around so I can see him.

“Nah,” He says, “using them to get you to sit on my dick.” He winks at me.

“It’s working.” I wink at him and take my dress off. My bikini were under it and now that I was out of it, I was ready to jump in the sea and that’s exactly what I did.

Max followed my lead, removing his top and jumping in the sea after me.

We kept following each other around the yacht, going around it and just relaxing in the sea. When I felt that the sun was burning me more as I was in the water, I decided to get out and reapply my sunscreen. Max followed, obviously.

“Let me apply sunscreen on you too.” Max shook his head.

“That’s for weak people.” He said like a little kid.

“it’s protecting you from getting skin cancer and from getting wrinkles, stop being so stubborn.”

He’s given in after minutes of arguing.

“I deserve unlimited blowjobs for this.”

I laugh. “Sorry for not wanting you to get skin cancer, I assume I will have to just make sure your…” My words did not come out after that. I was not used to talk like that.

“You need to make sure to what? Get your words out, Celine. You’re old enough to tell me you will suck my dick.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not about being old enough but I don’t talk like that.”

“Talk to me like that, Celine.” His voice was lower, almost like a whisper, tempting, seductive, and the way he said my name was just pure danger. This man knew how to make me want him, but he wasn’t like the other guys, he wouldn’t just lure you in with nice words, with kisses, no, he would play with your mind, he would make you think you’re in control until he shows you he was controlling the situation the whole time.

I took his hand and lead the way to the downstairs part of the yacht where there was a sitting area that could be extended to be made into a bed, a table. With a towel around me I sit down on the sofa, Max comes next to me and he takes his phone from the table.

He looks panicked as he looks at the notifications.

“No, this is impossible.” Max says.

“What is impossible?”

“There are pictures of us kissing on the yacht.” I take the phone, thinking he is just making a joke but as soon as I take it I realise it’s true. The pictures are low quality, taken from afar but you can tell that it’s us, there is no way that we could lie.

“Fuck. This is bad. It’s not even been a day of us dating and there are already pictures.”

“Well, we will just come out and say we are dating and that’s it.” Max says, almost no worry in his voice or face.

“Max, did you even listen to me earlier? I don’t want this. I don’t want to be the girlfriend of Max Verstappen.”

“Celine, when you accepted this morning to be my girlfriend, that’s exactly what you are. The girlfriend of Max Verstappen.”

“You know what I mean. I don’t want to be just your girlfriend, people thinking I am where I am because I fucked you or something like that.” I was getting angrier as I saw Max not caring at all.

“Why do you have to worry about that so much? What people think is their problem. It’s us in this relationship. It would’ve happened at some point. What if we work out and wanna get married? Are we gonna hide that too?” Max was starting to seem more annoyed, but he was still calm.

“I don’t know. I haven’t had time to think about that. I am a PR person for fuck sake, Max. Obviously I care about our public image.”

“So you prefer for us to break up and be just Max and the PR person than actually come out as a couple, right?” Max was now annoyed and I could tell.

"I don't know, Max. Let's get back so I can try to resolve this mess."

"I doesn't have to be a mess, just simply a way to say we like each other and we are dating." He said, again too calm for me to even be able to hold any patience inside me.

"For you it's simple. You are the more famous person and no one would think you are fucking me because it benefits you, but for me? I just seem like a slut wanting something more. Please let's just go back and think this through properly."

Max nodded and went up and started the yacht. What was supposed to be a nice day transformed into a nightmare quickly. Especially when people need to follow other people everywhere.

#f1 fanfic #f1 smut #max verstappen #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen smut

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variousqueerthings · 2 years ago

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Episodes we’ve seen in the last few days that have given us some amazing things Part I of III

Margaret and Hawkeye friendship continues, including general fondness and smiles, but especially in An Eye For A Tooth in which Charles creates a fake vendetta between her and the boys – also loved the way they really sold the Anger when they were tricking Charles, and BJ checking in that Margaret is okay after pretend-choking her (also her answer “I enjoyed it”?? (paraphrased)).

Also that episode… Margaret stealing Hawkeye’s and BJ’s clothes and then gathering the nurses to laugh at them ….. I am not too proud to say I watched that scene twice (also her coming in and them ducking behind the shower “doors” like they’re self-conscious, as if Hawkeye didn’t once walk naked into the mess tent and hasn’t literally had sex with Margaret. We love to laugh at their self-consciousness... and rewatch the scene 👀👀👀) + Potter looking out for her with that pilot who’s considering hitting on her. I notice that happened with BJ before. Generally she’s really Part Of The Gang and they watch out for her and vice versa!!!

I think she and Hawkeye keep purposefully seeking one another out in their vulnerable moments and really bring out the best in each other + challenge each other – see also Inga, which I have some general Thoughts On...

Inga: written and directed by Alan Alda. I have seen at least 2 places where he says the show was definitely not about Making Political Points, and sir! Sir this episode is your 70s feminism manifesto! In all seriousness I like what it was saying and that it was so direct about it and I think Inga herself was a great character and we got some wonderful Margaret moments in her putting Hawkeye in his place (wish we’d seen her getting to interact more with Inga, but alas… time) + BJ being like “lol not respecting women, couldn’t be me, have I mentioned how great my wife is lately?”

The one thing I don’t believe in this episode is that Hawkeye didn’t know he liked bottoming before this! No way this guy hasn’t been topped before!

Actually though I feel like in his particular growth narrative this episode would fit better earlier. I’ll take it now because I don’t think it was possible to make it before, but I think it would have fit better in the iteration of Hawkeye who did tend to mainly get written only interacting with women in a sexual context, and before he respected Margaret as much as he does now. I enjoyed it now, I’ll just mentally place it earlier in the timeline.

And while I don’t quite buy the sadness he feels when Inga leaves (unless from the context of “well that experience awakened something in me”) I like that Margaret came to find him to make sure he didn’t wallow!

Also can we talk about “written and directed episode by Alan Alda” having a whole conversation about gender affirming surgeries in Sweden in the 50s???????????????????? I’m sure back in the day it prompted the laughtrack, but sans laughtrack it’s just… hello???!!!! Klinger doesn’t want that though because the process was still really binary back then (back then and now...) and Klinger is more genderqueer, and I don’t think wants to have any surgeries.

Kinda felt overall like a totally non-judgemental conversation, both from Inga of course, but also from Klinger. Could have been so easy to put in a “and I thought I was crazy” line, but in the context of the conversation itself, how Inga is presented as an incredibly rational and forward-thinking, smart, compassionate person, and Sweden as being further ahead medically… Alan. Alan I know you don’t talk about MASH much anymore, but Alan!!!! How much did you know about gender affirming healthcare in the 70s and in the 50s???

#im watching MASH #MASH #margaret houlihan #hawkeye pierce #alan alda

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nerdygaymormon · 2 years ago

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I’m a BYU student, and I broke up with my partner a few days ago. I broke up with them for many reasons, but one of which was I just can’t handle the anxiety of being in a same-sex relationship at BYU. We’d been together almost a year, and I just feel this horrible loss because I still love them. We’re going to be roommates this next school year. We’ve promised ourselves that we’re going to be best friends whether we’re dating or not. They’re aromantic and have already gotten over the loss of our romantic relationship. I want to be able to get to that point where I can be friends with them without feeling this immense pain. Do you have any advice for breaking up and moving on from someone?

I think the #1 piece of advice that people normally give is to make a clean break, cut them out, stop communicating with them completely.

That's one approach for moving on. For queer people, especially in spaces like BYU where it's not always safe to be out and open, it's a small population and there tends to be a lot of overlap in who dates who and we need to keep our friendships and support network.

Rather than kick someone out of your life, for the next little bit take a break from them, try to avoid the person, including online, as a way to psychologically make the break. A little time apart can help you shift from romance to friendship.

Often relationships include a lot of time and communication, changing the relationship means a change in the amount of time and communication. People often miss their ex during times like the weekends when they used to spend a lot of time together. Plan things ahead of time to keep yourself busy. Even if that's watching a movie or listening to music or watching/participating in a sport you like, doing something you enjoy will help keep your mind busy.

I'm not sure if you have other queer friends you can talk with about this, but talking with people helps to express your feelings and make sense of them and work through them.

Also, when people aren't feeling well, aren't happy, they tend to not take care of themselves. Try to get regular sleep, stay active, eat healthy.

Your planning to live together in a few weeks. You can speak about some ground rules. This includes apartment rules, friendship boundaries and so on. This will help make sure you're both on the same page.

I applaud you for recognizing you needed a change and making that happen. Good luck with every thing!!!

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rivers-rambles21 · 4 years ago

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The one with the surprise

Part 5 of The one where Bucky has a cute neigbour series!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader (f)

Summary | Reader and Bucky become friends after he saves her from a creep in their apartment building. Each chapter explores a different point in their friendship - very slow burn!

Warnings | 18+ only, Smut in later chapters (this is a slow burn), swearing, unprotected sex, oral sex, cockwarming (later chapters)

Will include elements of TFATWS in later chapters

“C’mon, where are you taking me doll?”

Bucky trailed behind you, his feet dragging as he continued to moan about your late night adventure. You’d lured him out with a promise of pizza but as you exited the train in Queens, his mood had turned sour.

“Not much further, I promise” You waited for him to catch up and looped your arm through his. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

“Pineapple on pizza comes to mind” He muttered, eyes darting around the quiet street.

With a sigh you dug into your purse and retrieved your secret weapon “I’ll give you these if you stop whining” You shook the bag of cashews you’d picked up from the store in front of his face before swiftly moving it from his grasp. “Nope! Hey!” Bucky had made a grab for the bag but you’d quickly anticipated his move and spun on the spot, taking it out of reach.

As you turned, Bucky’s arm moved with you, pulling him into your back as you bent over in an attempt to stop him from getting his snack.

You laughed as he snaked his arm around your side, pulling you flush against him as he tried to take the bag from you, his fingers brushing your sides in an attempt to tickle you.

With a jolt, your ass pressed back into him in a vain attempt to free yourself from his grasp. You both stilled as your behind pressed into his crotch, acutely aware of just what you were feeling. Bucky was the first to act and swiftly removed his arms from around you, glancing around in embarrassment.

Standing straight, you adjusted your dress which had become dislodged. “Shall we?” You asked, trying to act as though nothing happened.

“Yep.” He responded, a bit too quickly.

To try and ease the tension, you ripped open the bag of nuts. “Here” You threw one toward him which he caught with his mouth effortlessly. “Thanks doll”

You smiled back and looped your arm back into his, directing him down the road.

A few minutes later you arrived at your destination and you held your breath as you both looked up at the building.

“What do you think?”

Bucky simply glanced down and smiled at you, his white teeth catching the light from the street lights.

“This is one of the very few perks I get with my job, I figured who better to enjoy it with?”

“How do we get in?” Bucky asked, pulling you towards the doors at the front.

“Security will let us in, they’ll be doing the odd patrol as standard but apart from that, we’ll have the place to ourselves”

“Y/n… this is incredible”

“Yeah well… I knew you wouldn’t come here because of the crowds and I didn’t want you to miss out.”

You’d brought him to the New York Hall of Science in Queens way past closing time. After dedicating to a ridiculous amount of unpaid overtime, your boss had finally relented and given you access to the contacts who ran the museum. Using your company's connections, you’d manage to swindle full exclusive access to the museum for the entire night.

Over the past few months you’d picked up on Bucky’s interests, one of them being technology. Despite spending most of the last 70 years in a big freezer, he loved technology of the modern age, often speaking of the projects Shuri was working on in Wakanda.

You spent the next hour or so strolling around the many exhibits, reading up on each subject and interacting with the activities throughout the building. Bucky didn’t know where to look next, each section of the museum peaking his interest more and more.

“Okay so I may have one more surprise for you” You confessed as you gently steered him towards the theatre.

Bucky remained silent as he felt himself become overwhelmed. He was genuinely touched by the thought you’d put into the entire evening, slightly bewildered why you even bothered with him in the first place. He knew he could be hard work, he often spent days being a miserable bastard, responding with only sarcasm. Yet you stuck around and got to know him and his quirks. Heck the two of you had gotten that close you knew how he’d been eager to pay a visit to the museum but hadn’t due to the worry of being recognised.

He’d now stopped kidding himself and accepted he felt something more than friendship for you. At first he brushed his feelings off as purely physical as afterall it had been over 70 years since he’d been with a woman and he’s not blind. Everything you did drove him insane. It took all his self control to stop himself from kissing you senseless every time you hung out.

The closer you both got, the deeper he fell for you. He tried his best to find fault with you but he came up short every time.

He loved how easy you were to talk to, how you never pushed him too far or tried to change him into something he’s not. He loved how selfless you were, always thinking of others before yourself. He also loved how thoughtful you were, constantly coming up with plans or ideas on what you both could do so he wasn’t cooped up in his apartment all day.

Bucky had fallen hard.

“Now we do have other options if you’re not feeling it but I thought we could watch the original Dracula!”

Bucky couldn’t hold back his smile as you looked up at him with excitement etched across your face. All he wanted to do was kiss you.

“So what do you think?” You asked, waiting for his response.

“I think you’re incredible.” You beamed up at him and led him into the quiet theatre which was housed within the museum.

“Grab a seat and I’ll be right back”

Bucky nodded in response and picked one of the seats in the middle of the empty theatre, pulling his phone out as he did. He flicked through some of the pictures you had both taken throughout the evening, landing on the one of you both in the space exhibit. He’d bent down to your level for the photo to be taken, your arms not quite long enough to get you both in frame otherwise. You’d flashed a smile for the photo, leaning back into him, pressing your face against his as he did his best to pose for the photo. It had been a long time that he’d had a photo taken that wasn’t linked to a crime. Smiling to himself, he updated his settings and set it to his background.

The lights then dimmed and the screen changed as the movie began. A moment later the door swung open and closed as you entered the theatre, your shoes stomping down the isles as you raced over to Bucky, eager to get there before the film started.

“I remember seeing this when it first came out.” Bucky confessed, a small smile gracing his face as he recalled the memory. “Me and Steve snuck in shortly after it started, we were too broke and young to get in on our own. He was so worried we’d get caught he spent the entire movie watching the door.”

You laughed along with him, struggling to imagine the Captain America you’d seen on the news sneaking into a movie theatre. Reaching into your bag, you pulled out the blanket you had brought with you and covered you both in it, sinking into the warmth it gave as the movie began.

Although it was a horror, you both couldn't help but laugh at some of the scenes, special effects had come a long way since the 30’s.

The evening had gone exactly as planned. You’d wanted to do something special for Bucky for a while, knowing he didn’t venture out much due to the large crowds making him a bit uneasy.

Your friends at work had teased you about it after they heard the hoops you had jumped through to pull the entire thing off; knowing you wouldn’t put in so much effort for someone you regarded as just a friend.

You’d wanted your relationship with Bucky to develop into something more for a while now; you couldn’t deny the attraction you had with him and the bond that had developed. Deep down though, you knew he had a lot going on that he needed to work through and you didn’t want to get in the way of that. You heard his tortured screams on a night as the nightmares took a hold of him. You never brought it up but you saw how it affected him. The dark circles under his eyes were always a dead give away.

Although your body craved something more with him, you were content on leaving things how they were. You genuinely enjoyed spending time with him and wouldn’t risk losing it.

It was the early morning when you both left the museum, having thoroughly enjoyed yourselves. Due to the late hour you agreed on hailing a taxi and sat in comfortable silence on the journey home as you struggled to keep your eyes open. Begrudgingly you watched as Bucky paid the driver as you reached your apartment building and accepted his hand as he helped you out of the cab.

“Thank you for tonight”

“Don’t mention it” You replied as you entered the empty elevator, pressing the button for your floor.

“The last person who did anything like that for me was Steve” He confessed as he rubbed the gold markings on his vibranium hand, not quite knowing what to do with himself.

“You’re making me blush Serg” The nickname slipped out without you realising and you glanced a peak over at the man beside you.

He simply shook his head, grinning to himself as he followed you out of the elevator.

#bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #ao3 #tfatws #fluff #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you

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facelessfrey · 3 years ago

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One other thing about this show in general that is still very much a problem this season...

I really feel like character development and relationship development is just not a priority. Most shows are able to weave in character and relationship development with the plot but Roswell seems fairly incapable of that. They get tiny little bits in here and there but it sort of feels like pulling teeth.

For example, in this episode, we got that tiny little scene between Isobel and Liz talking about Liz’s feelings for Max...which...duh, but it was this barely there scene. And we got two seconds of Rosa talking to Dallas that I suppose could be seen as character development but was all really vague so I don’t know what we were really supposed to learn there other than that she talks to a priest sometimes and hopefully that means she’s taking her recovery seriously? And the only other thing in this episode was I guess Greg gushing over Maria in his fundraiser speech but because there’s only a few cute scenes to back that up, it’s nothing more than “aww that’s nice”.

And I don’t even feel like the plot should be taking up that much time either that these kind of scenes need to be sacrificed but I feel like so many of the plot scenes feel slow? There just always seems to be a lot of standing around talking about sciency things or what they’re going to do and I feel like a lot of that could be trimmed down in place of actual action and characters scenes. I feel like even in a thirteen episode, heavy plot season, they should still be able to fit this stuff in.

Isobel should be able to have that female love interest we were promised. There should be tension there about what to tell someone new. We should see her trying to split time with alien hijinks and trying to have a relationship. Isobel “dating a woman” shouldn’t be reduced to one offhand line in the premiere episode about her sex life.

We should see more of Maria and Greg together and see that relationship building between them so it’s more than just some cute scenes and having to assume they’ve spent a lot of the last year getting reacquainted. We should know how Greg fits into the group and what he knows about the plot, if he’s been trusted with any of the alien stuff.

We should see more of Alex and Greg’s relationship. That one scene we got of them talking at the drive in was lovely but it was one scene. I feel like they put that in there and go “job done” and call it a day. I want to see them interacting. I want to know if Greg is worried about Alex constantly disappearing. I want to know more about how they’re both doing with Jesse’s death. We got Alex’s approval of Greg and Maria like it was a thing he’s been waiting for even though it was the first we’d ever heard of it. But I’d love to hear Alex talking about his relationship feelings with his brother. Maybe we could have found out more about him and Forrest dating over the year gap. Maybe we could find out how he feels about the current state of him and Michael.

We should see Michael and Alex being actual friends or at least being awkward friends. It shouldn’t be reduced to two scenes where Alex makes veiled love confessions under the guise of protecting Michael. I want to see their relationship build before they’re just back together cause they’ve said enough epic things to each other at a certain point.

I still want to see Maria and Liz being actual friends. I’m glad Liz is at least at her bedside but I still feel like we have more Liz and Kyle friendship scenes than we’ve ever had of Maria and Liz and that’s just not okay. I believe more this season that they actually are friends but I still want to really see it. Give me Liz and Maria talking about Maria’s feelings for Greg and maybe even addressing some of the Michael stuff from last season and how she feels about Alex and Michael possibly getting together in the future again. Let me see Liz talking to her about Max.

I still don’t believe Alex is really friends with Liz. That scene where they talked about Kyle was so awkward because they literally never have scenes together. I need to see them have friendship scenes. I need to know what Liz thinks of Alex and Michael. I’d love to see them have a conversation about her getting in too deep with the science and him getting in too deep with looking for his answers.

I kind of hated most of the Maria and Alex scenes last season because they all felt like weird set up for the threesome, but I’d be interested to see them interact now. I want to see them smooth things over in regards to Michael. We got decent friendship scenes with them in season one and I feel like they all just disappeared once Maria found out Michael was museum guy. Like give me him teasing her about Greg or her telling him to go for it with Michael because it’s obvious they still love each other.

I’d also love to see more with the parents. I know they’re adults in this version so parents are less necessary but Arturo is great and he’s been so sidelined this season. I wish he was suspicious of all of this alien stuff and eventually let in on the secret. Then he could thank Max for bringing Rosa back to life (and also kind of yell at them for how it happened in the first place) but at least he’d know how and why she was back instead of believing it’s just some sort of miracle or whatever they decided he should believe through Isobel’s mind control. But I want to see Arturo be a father figure to everyone. Just give me group scenes at the diner at the beginnings or ends of episodes where he gets to feed them all and they all get to talk like the friends and found family they are.

I’d also love to see more Walt with Michael instead of just one or two scenes a season. He’s part of the mythology of the show. He knew their mothers. He knows about all of the alien stuff for the most part. He should get to be more involved. Maybe he could talk to Michael about his Dictator Dad feelings. I’d also love to see him with Isobel or Max or Maria. Or telling Alex he approves or something.

I feel like we’ve barely seen Ann Evans. She just sort of shows up once a season but I have no concept of her relationship with her children really. I wish I did.

I’m sad that they just sidelined Michelle when I feel like she just never really got to be anything despite being the sheriff. She should have gotten to find out the alien secret.

Which goes back to my whole lack of tension about the alien secret in the first place because it seems like everyone already knows or it doesn’t matter. Why is it not a dangerous secret? I feel like the whole Rosa thing in the flashback in season one was so that they weren’t found out and that’s why it was scary that Max healed Liz and exposed them. But then just...none of that matters. We don’t really get into how they feel about people knowing or any fears they might have.

I just feel like these things should be a priority for the show, to make a better show and they’re just not. If they used their time better, I feel like you could fit a lot of this in. I just want more. I want better and I don’t think I’m ever going to get it, which is a shame. It’s better this season but there’s still so much more they could do.

#roswell new mexico #this is a long rant #sorry #i have feelings

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zillennial97 · 4 years ago

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Friends to Lovers | Larry Fanfic Recs

Hiding Place by alivingfire | 365k | Explicit

Louis never wanted a soulmate, didn’t really care for the whole Bonding thing at all, really. Enter Harry Styles, who’s wanted to be Bonded for as long as he could remember. With one fateful meeting in an X Factor bathroom, Louis gets a dagger on his arm and the realization that just because Harry is his soulmate doesn’t mean it’s mutual.

From the X Factor house to Madison Square Garden, from the Fountain Studios stage to stadiums across the world, Louis has to learn to love without losing himself completely, because someday his best friend will Bond to someone and replace Louis as the center of his universe. Meanwhile, Harry begins to think that maybe fate doesn’t actually know what it’s doing after all, because his other half has clearly been right in front of him the whole time. All he has to do now is convince Louis to give them a chance.

Or, the canon compliant Harry and Louis love story from the very beginning, where the only difference is that the love between them is literally written on their skin, and there’s only so much they can hide.

And Then a Bit by infinitelymint | 158k | Explicit

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

Wild Love by purpledaisy | 130k | Explicit

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

California Sold by isthatyoularry | 123k | Mature

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

Tired Tired Sea by MediaWhore | 113k | Mature

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

Like a Bullet in the Dark by Vurdoc | 99k | Explicit

Prince Harold Edward Styles Lancaster is second in line to the throne of Great Britain. He is also your average Uni student- or he tries to be, anyway.

With a promise from the press (and his father) that they'll leave him alone for four years, he sets out to be a student at Cambridge, when he meets his very normal, very working class, very handsome suite-mate, Louis Tomlinson.

Louis makes Harry feel more like a person than he ever has before, which might cause some issues later on- 'cause Harry has a secret that he's only told his sister Gemma about.

Little does he know though, that Louis has some secrets of his own.

A Will & Kate Au- with a twist.

Christmas-ing With You by dolce_piccante | 65k | Mature

Two writers from Loving Heart Television, the premiere network for holiday romance films, find that, sometimes, love is not only in their works of fiction.

Faking It by TheCellarDoor | 46k | Mature

A uni AU in which Louis has been Harry’s best friend since he offered him cubed fruit on the playground, and they spend more time cuddling in their dorm beds than they do apart, but it’s not like that. Or is it?

Aka Harry pretends to date his best friend to escape unwanted attention from a too insistent classmate and hopes it won’t blow up in his face. Featuring embarrassing dildo accidents, awkward boners, longing, first times, late night conversations, emotional discoveries and Niall as the exasperated friend with bad advice.

if the sun don't shine by falsegoodnight | 36k | Explicit

Louis finds himself struck frozen, fingers stuck in place where he’s flattened them against the cold railing. It takes every bit of his remaining strength to pull them away, sliding them under his shirt and pressing them to his stomach to leech some of the warmth. He hardly pays attention to the bite of the wind and air on his shivering body. He can only pay attention to the music.

The music that is undoubtedly new to Louis’ ears, yet listening to it is the most familiar thing Louis has ever experienced. An inexplicable rush of emotions flood his mind and body, rendering him speechless and hollow. It’s a call of loneliness. It rings of everything Louis’ been feeling.

And the pure yearning - the intense longing for something and someone - tears through straight to Louis’ heart. The desperation feels all too intimate, all too real. It makes Louis think of what he yearns for more than anything. It makes him think of his soulmate.

In a world where you meet your soulmates in dreams, Louis has spent the last three years going to bed hoping to finally meet his, only to end up disappointed time and time again. It all changes with a violin.

From the Start by allwaswell16 | 32k | Explicit

Louis has no idea that one act of kindness will cause his life to spiral out of control. But that's what happens when his new friend fake proposes to him and a video of it goes viral.

Barefoot in Blue Jeans by indiaalphawhiskey | 24k | Explicit

AU. Louis Tomlinson is trying desperately hard not to fall for his son’s au pair, but he can’t, for the life of him, remember why.

475. The hope that this fear is unfounded.

In Dreams by dolce_piccante | 23k | Mature

AU. When Harry moves to a new city, his new flat come with a number of sweet, anonymous gifts and surprises that brighten his days. Could it be a friendly ghost? Another friendly presence in his new building is his tattooed neighbor, Louis, who seems determined to put a smile back on his face.

You're Writing Verses About Me by Rearviewdreamer | 23k | Teen And Up Audiences

Everybody knows that Louis has never been one for serious boyfriends. His reputation around campus precedes him, which is why he doesn't think twice before proudly telling his mother about his new and completely fabricated relationship with his oddly quiet and completely

And I Will Hold On To You by darkmarkburning, staybeautiful | 23k | Mature

“I can’t believe my best friend is about to be Prime Minister of Canada,” Harry whispered in his ear, his arms tight around Louis’ shoulders. “Who decided it was a good idea to let some brash kid from Doncaster run a country?”

“I don’t know,” Louis laughed into his shoulder, “but if you promise not to tell them they’ve made a mistake I’ll give you a posh office.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Tomlinson.” Harry pulled away and smacked a kiss onto Louis’ cheek. “I’m proud of you, Lou, I can’t fucking believe it, but I’m proud of you.”

or Louis has just been elected Prime Minister of Canada and Harry is his best friend since childhood.

the way the storms blow by rbbsbb | 21k | Explicit

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick.

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.

Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea.

Autumn At My Window by TheCellarDoor | 20k | Mature

A canon-compliant AU, in which Harry and Louis are both in the band and have been sharing flats and hotel rooms for nearly five years, but never made the leap past 'friends who are too close for comfort'.

Featuring a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own.

The Sex Methods by Alice_Novelland | 19k | Explicit

Harry and Louis explore alternative methods aka sex methods to help each other out.

once bitten and twice shy by pinkcords | 19k | Mature

This time as his stomach rolls, there’s no doubt about it. He’s going to vomit. And if he does, it’ll be on Louis’ shoes, a nice little parting gift to go with the embarrassment he’s caused the both of them. “I’m gonna throw up,” he says just as Louis turns to look at him, blue eyes swimming with shock and confusion, and asks, “Is that true?”

Or, in a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. Ten years later, Harry's a successful lawyer at Columbia Records, coming home for Christmas for the first time since he departed for college. He plans to work his way through the trip, eat his mom's cooking, and avoid everyone from his past for as long as possible. The only problem is best laid plans hardly ever go as intended.

Oblivious by Speechless | 19k | Explicit

"You say it's nothing serious after you've been obsessing over it for months," Liam observes, pausing their videogame. "But now you barely talk about it-" "You guys fucking ignore me whenever I try!" Louis shouts, bumping his shoulder against Liam's and hurting himself in the process. "You're postponing sex, when it's obvious that Luke's up for it at this point." Liam ignores him. "For some reason you've left Harry in the dark about it-" "What?!" Louis snaps, banging his controller against the coffee table. "I have not!" "And no matter how blatant it is, no matter how fucking ridiculous you both get when it comes to it-" "Shut your hole." Louis urges, pinching his thigh, as soon as Harry enters the room. "Shush."

* Where Louis gets a little crush on Luke and for some reason Harry starts acting weird *

searching for a sweet surrender (but this is not the end) by feelslikehxme | 18k | Teen And Up Audiences

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles, the two most loved coaches on The Voice UK known for their banter on the show and best friendship off. Louis’s determined to win and finally end Harry’s winning streak with Zayn Malik on his team, but Harry’s flirting and Liam Payne have different plans.

— Or an AU based off the Voice where Louis’s Adam, Harry’s Blake, Niall’s Shakira, Zayn and Liam have a cliche Romeo/Juliet love story and Louis’s too old for pathetic pining.

Can I bother you for a sex? by perfectdagger (sincerelyste) | 16k | Explicit

Reason #40 – Called/texted the wrong person, but he was into it anyway

“So, this isn’t really an invite for a sex, I see,” Louis spoke, not missing the chance. There was a teasing smile on his lips as he turned around to face Harry again after he had just closed the door.

Harry let out a laugh as he closed his eyes and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh for fuck's sake, Louis,” he looked back at Louis, “this will haunt me forever now, won’t it?”

Louis shrugged. “Not my fault some people manage to mistext and sext others at the same time.”

When Harry mistexts Louis, Louis realises that he wouldn't mind Harry bothering him with anything, especially not with sex.

You'll Be Home For Christmas by 2tiedships2 | 15k | Not Rated

“Honesty, Lou, just ask Harry for help.”

Louis remained silent as he continued to scowl at the Christmas calendar Niall had hung on their refrigerator.

“And be nice to my calendar filled with holiday cheer,” Niall instructed. “You’re going to burn a fucking hole in it from the way you’re glaring at the innocent thing. It’s not the calendar’s fault that your heat is starting so close to Christmas.”

You're The One That I Want by spacecakesandmilkshakes | 15k | Explicit

Harry had always been Louis' best friend and...well...his baby, until one day he realized that his baby was all grown up.

show you the stars in the daylight by bruisedhoney | 13k | Explicit

Louis laughed, the sound loud and borderline obnoxious. Harry winced. “Are you kidding, Haz? I wouldn’t even look twice at someone that couldn’t pick me up.”

And, well. That was new information to Harry. It’s not like Louis had ever mentioned to him that he was his type in any way, shape, or form. Harry shifted closer into the space between Louis’s legs, even more intrigued than before. “Why not?” he asked curiously, all pink lips and big curls. Louis smiled.

“Tiny, innocent, little Harold. Need someone that can pick me up, don’t I? I like being tossed around a little. You know, pinned down and made to take it. Lifted up like I’m nothing,” Louis said it all with a confident smile, his sharp little teeth tugging at his bottom lip as he locked eyes with the jock across the kitchen. “Think he might come over here. Move over. I don’t want him to think we’re together.”

Or, the one where Louis has a type and at sixteen and scrawy, it's definitely not his best friend's little brother Harry...ten years later, he changes his mind.

when everybody wants you by nightwideopen | 11k | Mature

Harry nearly faints on the spot. He got the job. He’s going to be on Saturday Night Live.

Three of Harry's dreams come true, then one of them falls apart.

the SNL au that no one asked for

Shape of You by Only_angel_28 | 11k | Explicit

“Seriously?” Surely, Harry must be joking. Louis arches a skeptical brow and snaps the waistband of Harry’s joggers playfully. “What exactly do you have down there, Styles? I know you’ve got four nipples, d’ya have a couple extra bollocks as well or summat?”

“No!” Harry shrieks, his voice bordering on shrill. “No,” He repeats a little quieter, calmer, “I just—I’m, er, kinda…big, I guess.”

Louis rolls his eyes in fond exasperation. “That’s hardly a problem, curly.”

*Or Harry is insecure about a certain rather large part of his anatomy that is apparently intimidating to the point where it has actually scared off potential shags. When he ends up confessing this to his best friend and roommate, Louis takes it upon himself to prove that Harry’s size doesn't have to be a curse, and decides to help show him just how perfect he is.

Waiting by allwaswell16 for LadyLondonderry | 10k | Explicit

Louis Tomlinson was Harry’s omega, of this Harry had always been sure. Unfortunately for Harry, Louis seemed to think they were just best friends. The six weeks that Harry has to live with Louis were going to be rough.

You Give Me Fever (What A Lovely Way To Burn) by my_fandom_OTPs | 10k | Explicit

Louis walks in on Harry jerking off in the shower. What happens after is just… Impulsive and spontaneous.

the value of this moment lives in metaphor by clicheanna for hattalove | 10k | Teen And Up Audiences

Louis and Harry are best friends and absolutely nothing more. It’s a bit strange that, suddenly, everyone thinks they’re dating.

Or the one where they’re all teachers at a high school and students are more invested in their lives than normally expected.

trusting things beyond mistake by sarcasticfluentry | 9k | Explicit

"Is that even possible?" asks Harry.

All of them stare at him for several seconds, and then Louis says, "What, coming untouched?"

"Christ," Zayn mutters, throwing his hands up. “This fucking band, I swear.”

...or, Harry wants to see if he can come without touching his cock and ends up getting more than he bargained for.

And I Will Steady Your Hand by kiwikero | 9k | Explicit

All first year university students who had not yet presented were strongly advised to join the Fire Away meetings, a support group for so-called 'late bloomers.'

They were not, however, advised to fall in love with someone else at the meetings without knowing what they might eventually present as.

A Christmas Wish by Snowy38 | 8k | Mature

"So when are you going to tell him?"

Louis pursed his lips at his sister, his Skype video call relaying his thoughts on that subject perfectly.

"Next question," he mused.

Lottie rolled her eyes.

"It's your birthday in four days, Louis."

"What difference does that make?" He scoffed.

She shrugged.

"You can get drunk and confess how you feel and take it back afterwards if he doesn't feel the same."

That might work if Louis wasn't in love with Harry. But Lottie didn't know that and she didn't need to find out.

"Thanks Lots," he said anyway.

"Seriously Lou what's stopping you?"

Louis sighed.

"Fear mostly."

Under that Damn Mistletoe by hickeystyles | 7k | Mature

Louis' heart froze when he looked over and saw Liam whispering in Harry’s ear and nodding towards the mistletoe. Louis’ eyes widened comically before he dove out of sight so Harry couldn’t see him standing under the mistletoe like an idiot, or worse, like he was part of Liam’s plan to have Harry kiss him.

Or a Christmas Party AU where Louis is in love with his best friend Harry and everyone else is trying to force the two of them under the mistletoe together

We Could Be A Dream by Bearandleonardwrite | 7k | Explicit

“So, I’ve never seen you at one of these parties before,” Harry says as he hands Louis his drink. “Who’re you here for?”

Well, shit. Louis was definitely not expecting that. He sips on his drink to give him a few moments to think of an answer and then, “Oh, y’know. I’m dating the host’s brother. What about you?” He’s quite pleased with himself. Great answer. He takes another drink as a reward.

Harry grins at him, eyes bright, and shrugs. “Gemma’s my sister.” Louis hums around the rim of his cup waiting for him to elaborate. “She’s the host,” he tacks on, smug smile on his face. Louis chokes on his drink and tries his best to glare at Harry while he coughs. Harry rubs at his back until he can breathe properly again, which is actually really not that helpful. “Didn’t realize we were dating, Lou. I’m flattered.”

(Basically; Louis meets Harry at a party that he wasn't invited to. He ends up asking Harry to tutor him so he can keep seeing him. Featuring a bit of pining and a tea party.)

Mission Fucking Impossible by orphan_account | 7k | Mature

“Are you and Louis fucking?”

Harry nearly spits out his drink as he tries to communicate a "what the ever living fuck" to Niall with his eyes.

Niall takes another casual sip of his beer “Not like I’m the only one thinking it mate, I’m just the only one saying it out loud.”

- Harry is in love with Louis, and he is almost positive Louis is in love with him too. Naturally, Harry deals with this by trying to get Louis horny and hope for the best.

Things don't exactly work out how he plans.

One day to believe in you by mediaville | 7k | Explicit

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it's really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised. "You think about me when you get off?"

"Yes," Louis says. He wonders how hard he'd need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

"Often?"

"Yes, Christ, Harry," Louis groans. "Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I've been visiting family. Anything else you'd like to know?"

Fake It Till We Make It by whileatwiltshire | 7k | General Audiences

#33- Keeping up with the Neighbors

“We can fake it.”

What?

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“No I did not. Say it again.”

“I said” Harry started slowly, “We can fake having sex to teach them a lesson.”

It was clear to say that Louis's mouth went a little dry at the suggestion.

Or ,

Their neighbours were a bit too loud during their bedroom activities and Harry comes up with the worst plan to shut them up. Louis agrees anyways.

Web Me Harder by iwillpaintasongforlou | 6k | Explicit

Louis Tomlinson, otherwise known as London's masked hero Spiderman, finds himself crashing through the window of Harry Styles one night after a particularly nasty fight with a villain. Luckily Harry is a nursing student with a soft spot for caped crusaders who's more than happy to tend to all of Louis' wounds, no matter how many times he swings by.

candy in your mouth (i know you love me) by embodied | 6k | Explicit

“You’re wrong,” Harry says, jaw clenched tight. “Because if all I wanted was a fuck, I’ve got at least three willing parties a phone call and a five minute drive away. What I want is you. I want us, I want it to be normal again -”

“What the fuck is normal?” Louis yells, much too loudly, and has to pause to consciously lower his voice before he speaks again. “Because a year ago, normal was eating too much takeaway and watching B-movies on Netflix in your room, and then normal was me choking on your cock at half past two in the morning, and I don’t know about you, but as of the past few weeks, normal is not seeing or talking to you at all, because I’ve all but admitted that I’m fucking crazy for you and you don’t know what to say to that.” Louis’ chest heaves, his breath coming out short. He hears his own throat stick when he swallows, and his voice is decidedly weaker when he asks, “So which one is it, Harry?”

AU. Things have shifted since last Christmas.

Running Through a Cloud of Steam by allwaswell16 | 5k | Mature

As Harry’s long anticipated twenty-first birthday approaches, he anxiously awaits the moment when he finally meets his soulmate. He’s not even sure he believes in soulmates, but at the very least, he hopes to prove to his best friend that nothing can come between their friendship--not even a soulmate.

You Can't Blame Me For Tryin' by lululawrence | 5k | Mature

Reason # 38 - Because He Is From One of the Countries You Haven't Had Sex With a Person From Yet.

Louis had been accepted into the study abroad program through his uni back home and therefore got to spend a year in rural Minnesota, of all places, but he wasn’t going to complain. It was still a pretty cool experience, even if it was far different from what he had been expecting. And besides, if he’d been sent to literally any other university, he’d never have met Harry.

If It's Meant To Be (It'll Be, It'll Be) by lululawrence | 4k | Not Rated

“So, anyway. I’m done here and on my way to the airport. I think I’m expected to be there in the morning, around ten. I’ll let you know when I’m getting close.”

“Sounds good.” Harry pulled back from the window and threw himself onto one of the beds. Once he got comfortable, he steeled himself and then went for it. “It’s been too long this time, Lou,” he finally whispered. He watched as Louis bit his lip and nodded slowly.

“I know,” Louis agreed, just as quiet in return. “We have to swear to never go this long without seeing each other again. Two months is just...unacceptable. I’m gonna go now, but I’ll see you soon. ‘Kay?”

“Yeah. See you. Be safe,” Harry said, far too fondly for his best friend. He couldn’t help it though. It was how he always had been and probably always would be.

They hung up and Harry threw his arm over his face.

“I am so in love with him,” he whined to himself. “Fuck.”

Satisfaction by iwillpaintasongforlou | 2k | Teen And Up Audiences

Louis and Harry have known each other since before they could remember and been in love with one another for about as long, even though both steadfastly refuse to admit it. When Louis starts dating other people, it is only to help himself move on and not at all to make Harry jealous. And the sulking sort of anger Harry feels when he watches Louis kiss other people is completely irrelevant anyways.

#larry fanfiction recommendations #larry fanfic rec #larry fic #larry fanfiction #larry stylinson #louis tomlinson #harry styles #one direction fanfiction #one direction fanfic recs #larry fanfiction masterpost #friends to lovers

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mainecoon76 · 3 years ago

Text

One thing that pisses me off about heteronormativity is that not only people expect (cis) male/female couples to be the default, but also - as seen in so many narratives where the mere existence of people of opposing gender (young, white, cis, able-bodied and attractive) means they’ll end up in bed together -

that it is normal for a man and a woman to want to fuck, and cannot be trusted not to do so at the earliest given opportunity.

Uuuuh, I know, biology and all that. But isn't that a point of civilisation, to move beyond apparently "natural" urges and orders? There's more dark stuff, where that one comes from. Anyway.

The reason why I’m really fed up with this shit is that my best friend is male, and much younger than I am, and my family is going through shitty times rn which is why I need him. We do not want to fuck. We want to have a drink and comfort each other, chat about our hobbies, give advice, and generally be buddies. We have discussed this and are both comfortable with the boundaries we agreed on.

And no one fucking believes us. Because, you know. We could be having sex. It’s generally me who needs to justify this friendship because I have a husband and a family, and what on earth would I want from a guy who could almost be my son? That’s a little creepy, anyway. (It would also be brilliant if we could put that ageist crap aside. My youngest and my oldest friends are forty years apart.) Said husband isn't overjoyed either, which is... look. I know. Some people cheat on their spouses. But could we, maybe, base our trust on our relationship and not on the fact that I’m attracted to men, and thus apparently cannot be trusted around them? Can my friend be trusted to be a decent human being who doesn’t destroy families? Could we, perhaps, be trusted for what we are, even though we happen to fit the heterosexual narrative?

Heteronormativity basically implies that we’re only allowed to have close friends of our own gender, because otherwise we’d want to fuck them.

And the whole thing has further implications. If we put people of opposing gender under general suspicion because they must want to have sex (because BIOLOGY), we also present a perfect excuse to people who actively cheat on their spouses (because the oportunity was right there, you know, and BIOLOGY). We present an excuse to middle aged guys who leave their wives for women half their age (because BIOLOGY). (It’s also used to excuse worse things, but let’s not go there rn.) And yeah, relationships can fail for a number of reasons, but BIOLOGY told me to fuck someone younger and hotter shouldn’t be among them.

As adults, we have a choice. We can think about the consequences of our actions. We are not compelled, nor allowed, to have sex with anyone just because biology (as used by the heteronormative narrative) tells us so. And there are some people we just don’t want to fuck. It’s as easy as that.

#heteronormativity #rant #i know queer people still have it worse #just saying that heteronormativity is a shitty thing in general #also things like sexism ageism and transphobia play into it #i strongly suspect that cross sex friendships are more readily accepted if one of the parties is trans #because then it wouldn't be 'really' cross sex or something #but that's just a theory and I'm angry #because times are tough and I want to see my friend and people tell me 'noooow of all times ?!'#YES PRECISELY NOW of all times #that's the point of having friends #rl #friendship #tw: rape #only mildly alluded to but just to be sure

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, I know you’re a fan of namjoon so I wanted to ask your thoughts on this ring thing? I’m kinda new and assumed all these namjoon is married with kids stuff were a joke. But some people seem to totally believe that. I mean where he’d get the time to see a partner and kids is beyond me but who knows? Anyways I was looking at some of their recent pics and he doesn’t wear it all the time - which if it was a couples ring - wouldn’t he? I thought maybe he would only wear it if they were appearing on Run or Korean shows, but he didn’t have it on for either of the new shows they’ve been on recently, as they may not have been as widely watched. I mean I guess it’s none of our business - but I’m trying to rip of my delulu hat for making me think Seokjin gave it to him 🙈

Hi anon, I hope you don’t mind that I’ll combine my answer for you with my answer to another ask since I feel like they fall into the same kind of category, as in people taking things too far and/or blowing things out of proportion. And, coincidentally, both have something to do with rings.

I’ll start with your question though and give you another example that followed a very similar trajectory as the omg namjoon is married with kids because ring narrative/theory. Some months ago, Namjoon posted a few pictures on twitter and among them was a picture of him with another guy wearing a green sweater. His face though was covered. At first ARMY didn’t think much of it, but then, eventually, someone started a joke that “remember that sweater Joon wore for BV4? The guy is wearing the same one, what if that's his boyfriend?” and it went viral.

It started out completely harmless with hundreds of positive and funny tweets made in good humor, no one taking it that seriously knowing that we’d never find out even if it were true. But, as the jokes started to simmer down, everyone had their laugh, the next wave came in and this one decided that this isn’t a joke at all but serious matter. Quickly this harmless fun turned into a witch hunt of “ARMY” trying to figure out who the guy might be, if he is Namjoon’s mysterious friend that once sent him a coffee truck with custom drawn designs on it, perhaps the same one with whom Namjoon already once posted a picture sitting on this garden porch swing type thing, some even trying to prove that the guy is either Seokjin (in which case, what would be the need to cover his face?) or Florist Isaac whom they met during that one RUN episode.

So, very quickly a few idiots turned harmless fun into something almost malicious and got into fights with ARMY who were trying to tell them to stop.

The ring thing followed a similar story. It was once a harmless joke based on the fact that Namjoon wants to have kids one day, so some made jokes about what if he’s already married but we just didn’t know etc. But very quickly that got out of hand as well, going as far as people claiming the little girl in his pictures which he posted around his birthday or something is his daughter (even though it was said it’s probably the child actress from BTS WORLD) and that him making jokes (during a BangtanB while trying on glasses before their MOTS7 press con) about his child being able to read/write hangul at a very young age wasn’t jokes at all but solid proof of the fact that he is married with a child (despite the fact that he would’ve had to have gotten married and his wife pregnant not long after their debut for the timeline to even work out somehow which makes it seem even more ridiculous). This even went as far as people spamming the comments during this vlives with questions about it, flooded his selcas on twitter with questions and “jokes” and, again, attacked anyone who told them to stop.

In all of this, watching it happen from the sidelines as someone whose bias is Namjoon, I was confused why these particular rings (which I don’t even think were the same ones each time) caused such a reaction. The members have all worn so many different rings over the years, on all fingers, sometimes even like eight at the same time, and yet it wasn’t until 2020 and their KBS interview after their first BBH100 #1 that things went bonkers. All because Namjoon decided to take the ring off before they started filming or something.

In all of this I see two things that make me wonder:

When would he have the time to find a girl (since same sex marriage is not a thing in Korea) with whom he would have enough time to befriend her, trust her (considering who Namjoon is, that one is a major thing), fall in love, date and be together for a few years, and then get married? From Seokjin we know they have maybe two or three days off a month and work at least ten hours a day on their BH regulated schedules. Add to that the time they spend in the studio working on music outside of schedules, gym time, a few hours of sleep, and perhaps a few scarce hours of free time to (in Namjoon’s case) go to a museum or ride his bike, does that really leave enough time for romance (with an outsider) that leads to marriage (and a child)?

Is age 26 at the height of their career really the time for marriage? Even more so when you are someone like Namjoon, the leader of the world’s biggest group with more responsibilities than we can likely imagine as outsiders. Sure, he said he wants kids, but he can still have those in his thirties, he can also get married in his thirties, after all, life does not end once you hit thirty despite what some teens believe.

Lastly, I actually think that if it were true, Namjoon, or really anyone from the hyung line, would be the ones who wouldn’t have to hide it, at least not when compared to the maknaes. You could argue that “it would threaten their career” but would it really? Perhaps if the ring were from a man (some namjinists did make jokes that it’s like his promise ring from Seokjin or whatever, but it was all in good fun, nothing more than that), then yes, but connected to a woman? That one member from EXO also came out and said he’s getting married because his fiancé was pregnant and all it did was cause a few fansites to close and a handful of people to “protest” in front of the SM building.

Little correction about my comments about that EXO member, though even with this my point still stands:

From anon: Re: your last post about namjoon’s rings! I agree with everything you said but just a small correction. I’m not an EXO stan but it wasn’t just a a few “protests” or fansites closing. From what I read online, he his fiancée and later wife, and his child were harassed, threatened and stalked to the point where he enlisted early just to give his family some relief. We all know there are people like this in every fandom and I know BTS would be aware of these things, so they’ll be extra careful.

Would there be delulus like this who’d go crazy if Namjoon were to say “ARMY, I’m (getting) married”? Of course. Would it ruin BTS’ career? I seriously doubt it. Do I think Namjoon would actually come out and say it if it were the case? No, but not because it’s bad idol etiquette or because BH wouldn’t allow him, but because people are insane and who knows what they would do.

It’s the same with times when people argue “I wish X ML members would just say he has a girlfriend so the ship wars would end” without taking into consideration the girl’s safety and the fact that a partner different than the one X member is shipped with has never been that big of an obstacle for some before. Just create a conspiracy theory about the company forcing this upon them and voila problem solved. We’ve seen that before when the tattoo scandal happened, and people thought JK might be dating that tattoo artist and therefore it would mean he isn’t in a relationship with Jimin or Tae.

Whatever happens in the members private lives, it is safer for all parties involved if it stays private, even more so if their romantic partners were non-idols, or non-celebrities, or another member.

Now onto the second ring question:

From anon: I am a young army and I am slowly losing my bearings. I've seen Vlive S, H and V. Many say it was a Tk*ok day (?) And all three emphasized it, and the V even wore the friendship ring for Jungkook. Is it true? I don't understand anything about it, I don't see it. After the last BTS interview on TV, I thought Vmin are best friends, not Tk*ok. I thought V said he didn't want Tk*ok and yet he was so happy during Vlive because it was Tk*ok day? Help!

Now this one, I was curious if we’d get an ask about this, even more since, if you’re a reader of our blog, you likely already know what I’m going to say.

Let’s start where you usually do—at the beginning. The day of the vlive coincided with what T*ek*okers have decided on is T*ek*ok Day, based on how supposedly some years ago this was the day Tae and JK named their subunit like this. I tried to find where exactly this happened, as in in which piece of official content, but I couldn’t find anything except for a screenshot. Anyone have a clue or a link?

Side note: T*ek*okers love using the “ship” naming as proof that not only are they real but also proudly showing it off by giving themselves a name but continently forget that they are not the only ones who gave themselves subunit names. After all Jimin and Namjoon named themselves MiniMoni, or Yoongi and Jimin who are MiniMini, Namjoon and Seokjin calling themselves RJRJ last year, or that one vlive with JK, Jimin and Seokjin where they also put together their names the way you build ship names. At the end of that vlive Tae, thanks to come prompting from the chat, named their trio vsope, so does that mean they are a romantic ship now too?

If you were watching that vlive as it was happening, and decided to look at the chat, then you know what was happening. For those who did not, basically the chat was flooded with comments about T*ek*ok Day, asking where JK is whom Tae loves, where his boyfriend JK is, congratulating Tae for T*ek*ok Day etc. Basically shippers took their shipping into a space where it doesn’t belong, into a space where the members can see it, and therefore purposefully broke one of the shipping rules (I even saw some tweet about how they were proud of themselves for literally spamming the chat with T*ek*ok comments which is so wrong, and I mean that regardless of which ship we talk about). In between those were the usual other comments like speak English or say hello to XYZ or say XYZ in whatever language, and very few comments that actually reacted to what the members were doing on screen. Like when Tae said he didn’t shave, instead of telling him that it’s fine, which it is, it’s his face after all, some decided to tell him he should shave more often, basically telling him what to do, which he saw and read out. Great job.

But all the madness came to a “climax” when Hobi was reading comments and among some other ones read out T*ek*ok, just the word not the T*ek*ok Day ones, and unfortunately we all knew he wasn’t reading out the Korean word for Thailand, which sounds the same though it is spelled a little differently. In that moment all hell broke loose. Focus cams of Tae’s facial expression in that moment went viral among shippers, most of course claiming he looked so happy, while other non-shippers claimed he didn’t look happy at all. It’s a micro moment so I won’t get into it, who knows what Tae thought in that moment and what his facial expression meant and if it even had any connection to the word and Hobi reading it out loud at all.

Because he read that comment, Hobi was basically crowned the new leader of the T*ek*ok shippers (I thought that role already went to Jimin?) and twitter basically had a meltdown.

As for the ring, I know this is something a lot of ships have, with romantic connotations according to their shippers, so I was curious how these rings supposedly look like in T*ek*ok’s case and if they even match the ring that Tae wore in the vlive. If it would, fine, if not, well…

If it’s not clear from the picture, the “supposed couple” or friendship rings are very delicate and thin, and sure enough I did find a lot of pictures in which both Tae and JK wore them, usually at different times, I will admit that. But the ring Tae wore during their vlive recently was much thicker and had some kind of design on it, therefore it’s a completely different one. Sorry. Why he wore it, if he bought it for himself or received it from someone, what emotional connotation to may or may not have, those are things we won’t know anything about unless he would tell us, so there's no point in speculating.

“Many say it was a Tk*ok day (?) And all three emphasized it” now this is curious to me since I watched the vlive as it was happening, and I didn’t see that at any point in the vlive. Sure, Hobi read that one comment, but if 95% of comments were about that, I wasn’t even surprised by it. Perhaps he thought that it would get people to stop? Perhaps he just read whatever comments his eyes landed on? Perhaps something else entirely? We have no way of knowing it so there is no point in trying to fixate on it. But besides that, they were talking about many other things and having fun making their smoothies, decorating them and just having a good time together with each other and with ARMY.

So, this way of presenting the vlive basically comes down to shipper perception, confirmation bias, and simply, almost, rewriting history.

Rings do not determine who your best friend is (according to a quick google search, wearing a ring on your index finger simply means friendship or self-esteem/authority), after all many of the members have rings either from each other or ones that match, like Namjoon buying Jimin a Cartier ring for his birthday a few years ago which Jimin proudly wore since it’s really pretty, or pink and blue rings (there are several different ones, actually) that Namjoon has worn with Seokjin in the past (which fits into the Namjinist pink and blue agenda), or the rings Jimin and JK have together according to their shippers, and many more. Jimin and Tae have a whole plethora of matching jewelry in form of necklaces, rings, bracelets, even contact lenses (as in wearing one of each pair to match each other), some which were chosen by their stylists and others they bought themselves for themselves (which are all conveniently “forgotten” by those who ship either big ML ship). Though we’ve seen that even with clothes given by their stylists they were still the ones to choose their own accessories, like Namjoon choosing a pair of glasses from a whole box of different ones, or the members choosing rings from two big boxes before going on stage.

Tae himself said, on multiple occasions across multiple years, that Jimin is his best friend, even his one and only best friend, and that he’s the one he likes most which he even proclaimed on national TV. As long as Tae doesn’t say that this has changed in the last, what, two weeks and suddenly JK is officially his new best friend, those who claim otherwise are basically nothing but shippers pushing a narrative that willfully ignores Tae’s own words. Just like they ignore and twist his Weverse comment about how T*ek*okers should get out of their imagination. What doesn’t fit is ignored or adjusted until it does fit.

Lastly, sure enough, Tae really was happy during that vlive but I’m fairly certain (though neither you, them or I will ever know for sure, we’re not in Tae’s head) it had absolutely no connection to T*ek*ok Day, something shippers created and not Tae and JK themselves, seeing as Tae has been in a very good and happy mood for a few months now. Whatever makes him so happy, I truly hope it’ll continue making him happy and I wish shippers (and solo stans) would stop trying to force a reason (which fits them) upon his emotions.

I know it’s easy to get confused by how loud shippers are online, especially as young ARMY (in this case both ARMY who are young age wise but also young in the sense of being new to the fandom), but shipper opinions, in many cases, are just noise, and also noise twisted and skewed a certain way to suit them. If you kept to OT7 spaces on the day of that vlive, no one really paid attention to the ring, most were annoyed by and furious at the shamelessness of the shippers in the comments, and tried to just focus on how fun the vlive was instead.

#answered ask #answered ask by admin 1 #Namjoon #Taehyung #BTS

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gohyuck · 5 years ago

Note

10,3,2 with jaemin?? ^^

10) neighbors

3) forced to live together

2) “you deserve better. it doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better.”

finally done with requests!

warning: suggestive at the end

this is actually sort of a continuation of this drabble

“you - he’s - you do realize that he’s, like, practically an adult, right? and so am i?” you ask in disbelief, following your mother upstairs. she holds a bunch of folded towels in her arms, and you’re balancing a laundry basket on your hip. she doesn’t immediately say anything, instead tilting her head towards the linen closet. you shift onto one leg before you turn the knob and pull it open, after which she immediately haphazardly dumps the towels onto the narrow shelf.

“just because you’re ‘practically’ an adult doesn’t mean i trust you to stay at home alone for an entire week. yes, you’re an adult... but you’re an adult who’s still in high school. jaemin’s parents are out of town at the same time as us, and we’ve all come to a - very final - agreement. he’ll be staying here. besides,” your mom looks over at you. “i thought you and jaemin were good friends.”

your breathing catches for a second, and you hope your mother doesn’t notice. you’d thought jaemin and you were good friends too, hell, at one point, you’d thought the two of you were more than friends. after the kiss you’d shared on prom night, you were excited to see jaemin become more than your friend and neighbor... but then he’d never texted you back. and then he’d never responded to your texts. you were left even more heartbroken and alone than you’d been on prom night, and just when you thought you were starting to get over it, your parents had dropped the news: they were going out of town for your dad’s high school reunion, and jaemin was to stay over while they were gone.

you shake your head, clearing it of your thoughts before you get too lost in them. as you move past your mom to get to your room, you turn to her in one last attempt.

“jaemin always stays alone when his parents go out. why are they making him stay here?”

“because we figured you two could use the company.” is the swift response. you sigh, not saying anything as you walk to your room to dump your clothes out onto your bed.

you know when you’ve been dismissed.

♕ ♕ ♕

jaemin comes over, duffel bag in hand, less than ten minutes before your parents leave. his have been gone for a few hours already, and you realize he’s taken that time to freshen up - his hair is still slightly wet, and he’s dressed in jeans and a casual button down instead of the old shirt and sweatpants you’d expected. he greets your parents and shakes your hand for barely a second before dropping it, not looking you in the eyes even once. your parents tell him some of the necessary things - don’t mess with the thermostat, the media room’s projector is on the fritz again, to let them know if anything goes wrong - and you shift on your feet beside him as they do. the two of you stand awkwardly as you watch your parents gather their bags, wallets, and keys. they both hug you and shake jaemin’s hand before stepping out for good, yelling their goodbyes back at you before climbing into the car they’re renting specifically for the occasion. you stand in your doorway and wave, even as they start the car.

you only shut the door once they’re out of sight entirely.

“(name)-”

“you know where the guest room is.” you cut him off easily, turning away from him. behind you, he lets out a huff of breath, and you feel barely tamped down anger surge within you. how dare he sound pissed off at something you’ve done while he’s within your own house? after the way he’s treated you? hopefully he gets the hint and doesn’t speak another word.

“(name).”

“look, jaemin,” you spit out his name as you whirl around, finding yourself almost face to face with him. taken aback for a moment, you step back, though you aren’t off-guard for long before you continue. “if you stay out of my way, i’ll stay out of yours. it should be easy for you, considering how good at it you’ve gotten for the past few weeks.”

“i- i actually wanted to apologize.” although your tone is harsher than it’s even been towards him, his voice is more even and apologetic. there’s regret and sadness in his eyes, though there’s still a fire burning in the depths of his irises. you aren’t surprised - after all, he’s jaemin na.

“yeah? well you can stick your apology up your ass.” is all you say, narrowing your eyes at him for emphasis before turning around again, fully intending to lock yourself in your room until it’s time for dinner.

instead, jaemin’s hand wraps tightly around one of your wrists, preventing you from doing so. you can barely process that he’s touching you before he pushes you against the nearest wall, his duffel bag discarded along to way.

“are you done?” he presses his forehead to yours, eyes searching your own. “will you fucking-” the hand not on your wrist finds its way under your chin, tilting it up. “-listen to me now?” jaemin hisses. his gaze is still apologetic, but the flames burn a little brighter now. he’s always been one for suddenness, and this switch doesn’t surprise you. still, you clench your jaw and turn your head to the side, breaking eye contact in defiance, though your anger dissipates every second.

unfortunately for you, and for jaemin, it isn’t replaced by arousal, or straight up horniness, or anything of the sort - you almost wish it was. hate sex sounds a lot better to you than what actually happens.

jaemin watches as your shoulders suddenly droop and your eyes begin to water. he can’t get a word out before you start whimpering, tears freeing themselves of your lashes and trailing down your cheeks.

“fuck,” jaemin murmurs, stepping back. he sighs for a moment, heart breaking at the sight of you crying, especially because he knows that you’re crying over him. tentatively, he places both hands at your waist, only pulling you gently into his chest when you don’t object to his touch.

“you- you never replied after. i-i-i thought that you l-liked me back-” you hiccup, and jaemin’s arms tighten around you. he brings one hand up, rubbing it up and down your back as you let it all out. “-but you didn’t, and you don’t, but you never even told me, and i wouldn’t h-h-have minded if we’d just st-stayed friends but you...” you trail off, sniffling as you do. jaemin loosens his grip slightly as you lean back, surveying your tears on his shirt.

“... and now i’ve ruined your shirt, just like i ruined our friendship... except you helped with the friendship. i did the shirt all by- by myself.” you pout, tearing up again, and jaemin chuckles sadly before shaking his head. he raises a hand, gently thumbing away tears from your cheeks.

“you didn’t ruin the shirt, baby... and... and i still like you. hell, i think i might love you,” he confesses, voice soft as he wipes your tears away with both hands now. “have since forever. i just got worked up and overthought shit because, you know... what if you didn’t like me back? what if i was just a replacement for bradley, or something? that, and we’re going to college, and i didn’t know if i wanted to do long distance. you’re worth more than long distance. you deserve better. you deserve better in general with relationships. it doesn’t have to be me, but you deserve better.”

“but... but i do like you. i tried to stop and... and it didn’t work. and we’re going to the same university-” your voice is shaky still, and jaemin’s heart breaks further. you haven’t fully left his hold, though, so he still holds onto the hope that he can salvage your friendship, if not your budding relationship.

otherwise, it’s going to be a long week.

“- which is something i found out two days ago after jeno told me. he also told me that you like me, and i didn’t believe him, because i’m the dumbest person alive who doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it. i’m not asking for your forgiveness, because i honestly don’t deserve it, but... but i want you to know that i really am sorry. and that i like you a lot.”

you nod quietly, and he waits for you to raise your head. his eyes meet yours, and as you search his to see if he’s being honest, he searches yours for the love he hopes they have.

both of you find what you’re looking for.

“i’m still pissed,” you finally say, though you shuffle towards jaemin slightly. “but you have a whole week to make amends.”

his eyebrows raise in surprise at your easy forgiveness, but he doesn’t dwell on it, instead wrapping his arms around you once more before pressing a kiss to your hairline.

“i’m sorry for making you cry,” he says into your hair, and you nod.

“i really am sorry for getting your shirt wet.”

“i can go shirtless if you want,” jaemin throws back as his way of showing you that it isn’t a big deal. he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and he looks proud of himself when you giggle at it before smacking his chest.

“not needed... yet,” you say, before finally releasing yourself from the hug. leaning down, you pick up his duffel bag before moving towards the stairs. when jaemin doesn’t follow immediately, you turn towards him, quirking up one of your own eyebrows.

“we’re alone in a house, and i’m taking stuff up to your bedroom, and you aren’t following me? did i mention that we’re alone? and that you have time to make this all up to me?”

jaemin blinks up at you stupidly as his mind catches up, though once he’s done processing his smile is impossible to rival. even in your post-cry, puffy-eyed glory, he finds you more beautiful than anyone he’s ever seen. he reaches out, his hand finding yours, fingers twitching in excitement.

“lead me there then, baby.” his voice is suddenly as sweet as sugar, his palm fitting perfectly in your own.

“funny,” you say, as you look down at him, your teasing smile slowly outshining your eyes. “wouldn’t have pegged you for a follower in... bed.”

he chuckles darkly as you both reach the landing, quick to pin you against the arch that leads into the main upstairs room. your breath hitches as he leans down, placing his lips against your ear.

“i have things to make up to you, right? we’ll start with this: you won’t have to do a single thing once we get into that room. understand?”

you nod, and he presses a gentle kiss in the junction of your neck as a response.

“i understand.”

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randomoranges · 4 years ago

Text

and here we are for part two of the Beast hahaha

do you like supposed heartache???? because this is where it’s at. also fair mention of minor character death?

this is legit the fic of “have you ever wondered things about étienne? fear not for i may provide answers!)

toobadnoonereadsthesehahahahaha

The Five Times Étienne Fell in Love

PART II

They both quiet at the sound of her name and Edward is convinced he feels Étienne’s hand shake in his own. He rubs soothing circles with his thumb on Étienne’s hand and gives him the time to gather his next set of thoughts, letting him know that he’s here and that there’s no hurry.

“Do you still think of her?” He finally asks after a while, his curiosity getting the best of him, while also wondering if Étienne hasn’t decided that this little venture down memory lane is over.

“Sometimes,” Étienne answers after a beat, “If I hear her name, or out of the blues. Not as often as before, but – sometimes... Is it silly that I still have my wedding band?” He asks, touching the spot on his finger where the band must have sat, once, years and decades and centuries ago, quiet, as if afraid Edward will tell him that it is indeed stupid for him to still be attached to it. He doesn’t mention the grave he can no longer visit or the memories that seem to fade with each new year. He keeps those thoughts to himself and focuses on what he can still remember.

“No; I don’t think so. She was your wife, after all – you clearly cared for her.” He reassures him, offering him a soft smile.

It still comes as a shock to him, so many years later, that Étienne had been married. Willingly. That he’d had a wife and played house for a while. It’s such an un-Étienne like thing to do, but then again, Étienne had been a different person at the time. He tries to picture his boyfriend as a married man and wonders what he would have looked like; what he would have worn and such and mourns the fact that there are probably no images of the event.

“I did,” He admits, serious as all else. “I still remember how I met Charlotte,” He starts with a small smile ghosting over his face, his look far away as he thinks back to the encounter. “Ironically, we met at church. I was leaving mass and she was outside, begging someone to help her out. She – didn’t look good; ratty clothes, dishevelled and no one went to her, which was ironic, considering we were leaving church. There was something about her that pulled me to her – wanted me to help her. She was a little hesitant at first, but she came home with me. She was able to change and wash and after I made sure she ate something; I was able to get part of her story out.”

“She was from out of town – a day’s ride away, more or less and she was in the city since she’d gotten word that her brother was supposed to arrive that day. I never found out if her brother was real or not, but I never questioned it. She had no money, so she couldn’t stay anywhere in the city and when we went to check out the convents and such, they were all very full. The idea of letting her out on the streets was out of the question, so I let her stay at mine despite of what others could say. It just felt very – un-catholic to leave someone in need out in the cold. Charlotte obviously didn’t want to inconvenience me, but I really didn’t mind. I had space, we could make it work. I didn’t think it would turn into a semi-permanent thing, but the alternative didn’t sit well with me.”

Edward isn’t surprised; Étienne’s always been generous with his time and has had a tendency of looking out for others, in his own way. Étienne doing things his own way, regardless of what others could think also doesn’t surprise him. He supposes it’s one of the many qualities he’s admired in him.

“I still remember waking up that first morning and finding out that she’d made breakfast for me, as a way of thanking me for letting her stay. It seemed unnecessary, but she wanted me to know that she wasn’t taking advantage of me and that she really did appreciate it. I wasn’t about to complain – she was a good cook and even if I managed better then, it’s always a treat to have someone make food for you.”

“We struck a friendship from that day on and I soon realised that it was nice coming home and having someone there to unwind with and talk. It was incredibly less lonely. Even without the sex, I enjoyed her company and didn’t mind having her around. She was vivacious and had a sharp mind. We could talk for hours on end, really.”

Edward’s read many of Étienne’s letters about his feelings of being alone and it strikes him that then that his friend has always been after companionship, in one way or another, just to feel a connection. He even remembers Étienne writing to him about a new type of celebration they had in his city and how wonderful it was to welcome the first boat back to the port towards the end of winter. He’d thought it endearing at first and maybe a little silly, but he now realises that there had always been more to it and that Étienne has played a careful game of disguising his real feelings behind frivolous, silly things.

“Of course, everyone in town thought she was the devil, or at the very least that our arrangement was improper. Her hair was the colour of fire, they said, or an unaccompanied woman arriving out of nowhere was a bad omen. Hell, they even went after me, saying that I had bedded her and taken her virtue. Or that we were both going to hell for being unmarried and living together. I thought that was very hypocritical of them, considering the Son of God had befriended all sorts of people and had welcomed them all in his circle, but regardless what the people said, Charlotte was none of those things. She was better than all of them combined.”

“Growing up, marriage wasn’t what it is today – you know that; it was an arrangement of convenience – a best move made between families and such. There was none of this love garbage to it and frankly, it sounded a lot less complicated to me. I thought maybe being a city meant romantic love wasn’t something we could feel, since we represent our people or whatever – but then Jacques fell for Suzette and if anything, theirs was real, so surely, there had to be a way...” He trails off for a moment and sighs.

“Even after my talk with Jacques I didn’t get how it worked for him and at first, I didn’t even consider or think Charlotte and I would get married. She was my friend and she was staying with me until she could figure something out. On top of that, I saw what marriage did to some and I didn’t want that. Young women married off to older gentlemen, forced to have a slew of children, not ever able to do what they wanted – to explore the world and be who they wanted to be... No wonder Élyse didn’t have any interest in that either! I didn’t understand what the appeal was! But then, for all the horror stories I heard, I also heard of – feel good stories. People who married someone their parents had set them up with and then learned to love. I remembered some of my friends who’d seem happy in their new lives and – it didn’t look so bad. I thought that was it! This was how I was going to fall in love! If they could learn to love their partners, then maybe that could happen to me as well.”

Edward gives him a sympathetic smile. It’s endearing, to a point, how hard Étienne believed that eventually these “norms” would apply to him and yet, he also feels a little bad for the young man Étienne had been at the time, full of hopes and frustrations as he tried valiantly to fit in and be “normal” in his own way. He gets it, though, having gone down similar self-doubt patterns and having tried to “fit in” as well. He supposes it’s a mutual struggle many like themselves have gone through, but it still remains jarring to hear that even someone like Étienne, who was usually so self-assured and confident, had gone through such a phase.

“We became mutually attracted to one another a few months after Charlotte had shown up in town. Ironically, neither of us had wanted to bring it up, afraid the other would take it the wrong way. I didn’t want to seem like I expected her to sleep with me because I was letting her live with me and she didn’t want me to think that she was a harlot. Still, one night, after we’d each gone to our own quarters, we both found ourselves back in the kitchen around the same time, unable to sleep. I put on the kettle to make something warm and we started chatting, as we often did. It was relatively dark and between the oil lamps, waiting for the water to boil and everything else, we found ourselves huddling closer and closer for warmth. Somewhere along the conversation and the waiting, she leaned in close to me and made a grab for my hand.”

“It was all very hesitant – halting touches, curious looks, but it was clear what we both wanted and finally, I asked her – if I could kiss her – she was so close to me and so beautiful, but she could have said no and it would have been that. I wasn’t about to force something she didn’t want – never have and never will. Instead, she pressed closer to me and kissed me first. It was a beautiful thing, really, and it’s a good thing I had half a mind to shut everything off, because we never did get around to tea and instead we went back to my bedroom.”

There’s a soft smile that blooms on Étienne’s face; nostalgic and sweet and Edward dares to think that that in itself is a thing of beauty. Étienne’s hands get lost in Mercury’s fur and for a moment, he remains silent, most likely reliving his memory and whatever images his mind can still conjure of Charlotte. Edward doesn’t interrupt, knowing how powerful these memories can be.

“Afterwards, she quietly admitted that she wasn’t a virgin, afraid I would judge her for it, as though that was supposed to be the end all of things and I reassured her by telling her that I wasn’t either. It must have been the right thing to say, because she laughed and laughed. At the time, it was the greatest of sounds and I wanted to hear it often. We stayed up all night, spending our time together and navigating this new thing between us. One moment we would be kissing, the next we would be talking and in the end, we stayed up to watch the sunrise together.”

“I can’t say that it’s when I fell in love with her, but it felt as though I had found an equal of sorts. In fact, I’m not really sure when it happened, but I know I did come to love her over the three years we were together. She was free to do whatever she pleased during the day and I never demanded to know her every whereabouts. I liked that we could each do our own thing and see to our own occupations and that we could coexist side by side. We always made it a point to have breakfast together at the very least and it was so beautifully domestic and peaceful. For the first time, I felt – happy. Truly happy. It was a good life, really.”

“The rest of the community eased up on her when they saw that no ill had befallen me and that no illegitimate children had appeared nine months later, but – they never fully welcomed her. She was still cast out and I could tell it bothered her. She tried to immerse herself in the city; tried to find work and do something of her days, but few were the people who genuinely tried to connect with her and it angered me.

Charlotte was so kind to them – never had a bad word to say and she was always aware of the families that were struggling or those who were in need, but no one ever showed her an ounce of that same compassion. She had never done anything wrong to them – she’d just been an unfortunate woman down on her luck. I could only imagine what would have happened to her had I not stepped in that day. And yet, even if I never really knew her real story, even if sometimes I felt as though she was keeping a secret from me, something old and ancient still pulled me to her and I never quite understood where that feeling came from. A sort of – connection. She never offered any background on herself, other than a brother who was supposed to arrive that never did. She had no family she spoke of and I never pried. We were happy together in our arrangement and that worked for me.”

“A little over a year after we started sleeping together, she came to me one day, frazzled and in obvious distress. She’d been out all day and I had noticed that something had been preoccupying her for the past few weeks. Every time I had asked her, she had brushed me off and told me that it was nothing, but now she sat me down and announced that she was with child. I – didn’t believe her. It was impossible. I couldn’t have children – people like me couldn’t have children. Clearly, I would have known if it was possible. Jacques and Suzette didn’t have a flock of their own and lord knew they were enthusiastic enough about the process of it – so there had to be a mistake.”

“Charlotte assured me that she was – the doctor had confirmed it for her earlier that day and for as much as I was scared shitless, I was also – excited - giddy. At whatever fluke had caused this. It didn’t matter to me if I wasn’t the biological father – I never forced her to stay with me, even though she repeatedly told me that she hadn’t gone behind my back. I would figure out the logistics later, but for the briefest of moments, I felt legitimately like a real human – I was going to have a family. I was with a wonderful person. I’d make it work out – somehow. At the time, it didn’t matter that eventually, both Charlotte and our child would grow and look older than me. All those issues were secondary to the immense joy I felt.”

It still surprises Edward to hear this part of the tale, much as it had when he had read about it, years and years ago. Not only because of Charlotte’s pregnancy, but by Étienne’s reaction as well. He had never considered his friend to be one who’d want children, if he could and he tries to picture Étienne with kids he’d be responsible for.

“Of course, the first proper thing to do was to marry her. This was my chance to try this very human ritual and so I made sure to be real proper about it. I think it cemented the fact for Charlotte that I wasn’t about to boot her out because she was expecting. It reassured her in a way and the idea had never crossed my mind. I cared for her deeply – I loved her even and we would be a real family!”

“We went as far as making the proper announcements of our engagement, but we were quick to marry. Élyse was our only witness. I didn’t want Charlotte to be met with more scorn and I wanted everyone to know that she was a wonderful person and that if they gave her a chance, they would also get to see that.”

“Beyond that we were giddy – at being together and married and at this child we’d be welcoming into the world. It felt surreal, like a fever dream – too good to last. There was so much to do that I didn’t even bother letting anyone know – only El and you in my letter. Élyse was just as surprised that Charlotte was expecting, but she didn’t buy into the idea that it was mine. Still, she let me have this happiness, but warned me that both Charlotte and the baby would age. She knew I would be wrecked when they’d go. I ignored her and told her to mind her own business. I would cherish this family. I would watch over each generation if I had to. I logically knew they’d grow old and die – that anything could happen to them, but it was a problem for later and I pushed it aside. This time around, I wanted to focus on my new growing family and found happiness.”

Edward wants to interrupt the story and make a comment or two at how it still sounds like the wildest of tales, however when he spares his boyfriend a glance, he still has that faraway look on his face. He seems happy and Edward doesn’t want to change that, even if it seems as though Étienne is no longer talking to him and simply reminiscing out loud.

“It seemed as though everything was working in my favour, but once more, winter showed up and took away everything I liked.” And just like that, a cloud comes crashing over Étienne’s previous good mood and chases his smile away. Edward wordlessly reaches for his hand and holds on to it, knowing what comes next. “Charlotte was six months pregnant when she woke up one morning in intense pain. It was snowing hard and when I went to find the doctor or the midwife, there was no way I could make it out. The snow was up to my knees and Charlotte wasn’t doing so good. Even having cleared the snow the night before, a freak blizzard had trapped us in and no matter how fast I tried to remove the snow, it wasn’t fast enough and Charlotte went from bad to worse.”

Étienne’s voice wobbles and breaks and when he next tries to take in a breath, it’s shaky at best.

“You don’t have to tell me the rest, if you don’t want to...” Edward offers gently. The last thing he wants to do is to put Étienne through even more heartache. That wasn’t the point of his initial question. He appreciates that his boyfriend is being open and is sharing this information with him, but not to the point of causing distress.

“It’s fine, really – this part always gets me. I want to tell you.” Étienne’s smile is watery and Edward gives his hand a tight squeeze. His boyfriend holds on to it as he goes on with his story and Edward finds himself wishing he could free Étienne of his burden.

“I knew nothing of childbirth, but I – I tried to save them both. I did what I could. I really did. The neighbour, bless her, came to help me out, having assisted with births all her life and – despite our best efforts, we lost them both. The baby was stillborn and Charlotte died a little later; whether her heart gave out or she lost too much blood is irrelevant. They were both gone. Taken away from me before I’d even had a chance to cherish them properly. I thought I’d have years with them – that we could be a proper family. Instead I barely had a taste and I finally knew what real heartbreak was.”

Edward finds his own eyes clouded with tears and he tries to be discreet when he wipes them clean. He notices Étienne do the same with the sleeve of his sweater and he brings an arm up to his back to rub gentle circles on it. Étienne leans into the contact and into his side and Edward kisses the top of his head as his boyfriend takes a moment to recompose himself. He says nothing when he feels Étienne’s shoulders shake and when Étienne excuses himself to blow his nose, he says nothing about it either.

Even after all these years and centuries, Edward feels as though this is only the second time Étienne has opened up about this chapter of his life. Already, his boyfriend isn’t one to share the emotional details of his life and he supposes that this had been a story he’d kept closer still to his heart.

He’s convinced the conversation will come to an end after that, but despite Étienne being too vulnerable and raw, he decides to continue on, now that he’s started, once he’s disposed of the tissue. The dam has been opened and he may as well let everything out. He resettles against Edward and the next part comes out like a whisper, a confession he makes to him and that Edward listens to attentively.

“I never wanted to live through that ever again, so I did my best to veer away from relationships. They weren’t my thing anyways. People fell in love left right and center and I didn’t have the heart to be the bearer of bad news. So I kept to my flings and figured this was the life I would lead. It would be easier for everyone, in the long run.”

Edward would like to believe that Étienne’s plan had worked out, yet he knows there is still much more left to the story.--

Part I

Part III

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko

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raveismysublime · 4 years ago

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I just finished the book in one day, yes one fucking day (I slept at 4:27 AM so fucking happy, with a smile on my face), and so after waking up the next day I do have some thoughts. (I wrote this February 16th, and waited to post this after a few weeks so most people would have the chance to read it)

***this is extremely long, i’m sorry I just had to break it all down***

again... !!!SPOILERS!!!!

I think the first thing I can say is that I wasn’t dissapointed. Sure, their were scenes that I wish we saw, more development in other places, but since the end goal was Nesta healing, I think we have flourished in that regard.

But.... there are other issues that I have.

For instance, how it seemed towards the end that Nesta wasn’t Nesta anymore.. but Feyre? In the sense of how soft spoken she was and discussing the child with Cassian. I feel towards the end she did lose a part of her angst, which isn’t really a bad thing and maybe that had to do with her healing because her angst is what drove her to hurt people or herself, but it still kind of felt like we lost her. The Nesta we loved, with her anger and hatred. I think my issue is that when she healed, it also changed her personality (which I get is a part of healing, and again am not saying is a bad thing at all, just kind of sad seeing your favourite character like that).

Anyways, let’s start with the cons (or things I wish was in the book):

- I wish we had more angst between her and Cassian: So, I know their was angst, and sexual tension which I absolutely loved but I wanted more angst. More fighting, that sort of thing. I wanted them to have angry sex so fucking bad. It felt as if I needed that, but in the end the sex they did have was ansgty enough. Also wanted more cuddling time between them, we literally got none. Feyre projected them to be very hostile towards each other, and maybe in the beginning they were, but their could have been more.

- I wish they had spilled their hearts out to each other way more then they actually did: Basically, everything that they said in their heads, I wanted them to say out loud to each other. I wanted them to voice their trauma, their apologies, what they’ve been through, how they were actually feeling to each other out loud. Not in their heads, and then forget about it later or just not talk about it, no more of those looks that “told everything they wanted to say”. I wanted more communication between the two, wished their was more then when Cassian took Nesta on that hike, and she burst into tears. I wanted heartfelt one on ones, where their deepest secrets inside of themselves were shared. I JUST WANTED WHAT THEY WEREN”T SAYING TO BE SAID.

- Even though I know it had to do with her healing, I wish Nesta didn’t apologize to the IC, when they didn’t apologize to her: Now I’m not saying that Feyre or Rhysand’s plans didn’t work, they obviously did. But I wish they apologized with how they treated her before and after, and not her apologize first. Granted, Nesta did apologize for the things she did that were wrong, but they didn’t either which irked me very greatly.

- I NEEDED THAT CONVERSATION BETWEEN MOR AND CASSIAN: Mor was barley in the book, for reasons surley to be revealed in the next book but the fact their was no talk between Cassian and Mor, literally nothing made me royally pissed off. Their just needed to be a conversation, their just had to be, especially given what Mor said to Nesta in the beginning of the book.

- THE FACT CASSIAN DIDN”T TELL NESTA HE LOVED HER OR GIVE HER ANY REASSURANCE: pissed me off. When Nesta was expressing herself, saying how she didn’t deserve Cassian, he didn’t give her the slightest reassurance that she was wrong. That she did deserve him, that she wasn’t as bad as she made herself be. Nesta tells Cassian she loves him AND HE DOES NOT, I REPEAT DOES NOT SAY IT BACKKKKKKK. this just made me so mad, this whole scene.

- The sex during the hike, the whole hike tbh: SO, this hike was a turning point for Nesta, in a way very good. She was able to cry and express what was eating at her inside, but I wish their was just more. Like more between her and Cassian. I wished that instead of them fucking for two days with her “bent over a rock”, that they had heartfelt talks about their trauma, unearthing it all. Don’t get me wrong, I love the sex in the book. But it just felt so out of place in that one part, and I just needed them to talk. To have a whole talk, a whole explosion of feelings.

- How nesta changed at the end: I don’t like it. Why did she have to sacrifice her powers. AGAIN I understand why, I just wish it didn’t happen. I wanted her to keep her powers, mainly for herself then anything else.Yes, it was (again) a turning point in her growth, and her relationship with Feyre and Rhysand, but noooooo. Why did she give up death. LIKE I GET WHY but WHY. It just pissed me off, made me so mad. Nesta just changed, changed to the point where she was unrecognizable, and I am not sure if that was a good thing or not.

- Why did she kneel to Amren: this was so unessecary to me. Like, I’m glad she apologized but something irks me inside seeing Nesta bow to anyone at all, and her and Amren (in my eyes atleast) are the same. They both said completley hurtful things, and Nesta should not have been the one to kneel to her, neither of them should have had to kneel tbh. They should have just talked it out, figured it out. Idk, that’s just me.

- I feel like Nesta thawed out very quickly: by thawed out, her anger. her feelings. her emotions. In the excerpt in A court of frost and starlight, towards the end after starlight, Nesta says she doesn’t feel anything anymore. No shame, nothing. I feel as if the second she entered the house of wind she thawed out. She felt again (Not a bad thing), but it happened so quickly and I feel as if it wasn’t even acknowledged, like that specific change in her.

- She forgave very quickly: again, I understand it has to do with her growth, but she forgave the way the IC treated her so quickly, as if it was all right and all her fault. Yes, Nesta is at fault for a lot of bad things that she did and said, but that doesn’t mean she is the only one who apologises. Their should have been a discussion, a talk between her and everyone else for how they slut shamed her, and treated her when she was in her lowest. At this point, it’s as if the IC is all right and correct, and yes when they intervened, Nesta got better, but that doesn’t change how they hurt her as well (if that makes any sense).

- THE LACK OF COMMUNICATION: I think this speaks for itself, but the lack of communication between everyone in the book annoyed me so much. I wanted everyone to talk, to show their hand, their emotion and feeling. It’s what I needed. It’s what they all needed, IT JUST WHAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN.

- Nesta not discussing everything in her: of course this will take its own time and patience, but I feel, us, as readers, and as this would be the only book between Nesta and Cassian that we deserved to know more about her mother, about Nesta (even though we did learn a lot) I guess I just wantd more, and wanted Cassian to understand that part of her. I wanted them to get closer to each other, besides the sex, in a sense they knew everything about each other and that their was no more room for doubt or questions. I’m just greedy and wanted more, because if this was the only book we’d get it was not enough!!!!!!

- How Nesta’s reasoning for not being with Cassian after the war is that she “didn’t deserve him”: that just made me mad. Sure, she can feel that way, but could it not have been about her PTSD? Be about her depression? Be because she hated what she was forced to be made into? surely, that is apart of the reasons but the fact she only expressed it as her not deserving Cassian annoyed me. All the emotions in her weren’t addressed.

- How the story ended with Feyre: This was Nesta’s healing growth, and the fact it ended with Feyre’s life and Nyx just made me mad. Of course, we want to know about Feyre and her life with the baby, but why did the book need to end on that note. Why could it not have ended with the mating ceremony, or something specifically about Nesta and Cassian? like why is it always Feyre.

okay now pros

- she found her own family: This was what I was absotlutley happy about, that she found her own family with Emerie and Gwyn. That they shared a special bond, so utterly close that Nesta was risking dying for them. That she found people who knew every bad thing she did and did not hate her for it, and still loved her the same (out of the IC).

- How her and Cassian started with a “favour for a favour” in terms of sex: I don’t know why but I absolutley loved it because it was different from Feyre and Rhysand, and fit Cassian and Nesta so perfectly. It was only fitting they’d do a “friends with benefits” arrangment. They are both sexual people, and the one way they could comfort each other, they matched in that aspect. It just felt so perfect to me, I don’t know why.

- How Cassian didn’t ask about the other men she’d been with: I know this may seem weird, but I’m glad that Cassian didn’t ask to know about them, proving that he didn’t care about it, knowing it didn’t matter and was personal to Nesta.

- How Cassian came to Nesta’s defence whenever he could: It was such a stark difference to how he acted around her in the other books, as if he was ashamed of her. Now, he even snapped at Rhysand when Rhysand tried to get involved with Nesta’s relationships or friendships, or for believing Nesta to do evil things. This was something that I really loved in the book, I only wish we could have seen it happen with Mor.

- That her and Cassian are not perfect at the end: How, in comparison to Feyre and Rhysand, Cassian and Nesta are utterly different. We only have one book, but in that one book, Cassian and Nesta didn’t lose themselves in the mating bond as Feyre and Cassian. They didn’t let it ruin themselves, or their personalities, more so acted the same. I love that Cassian and Nesta still had so much they need to uncover, about themselves and about each other, and that they weren’t finished, in the way Feyre and Rhysand were.

- How Cassian always said “I don’t want to hurt you”: Probably the bare minimum, but it was super sweet and made me happy that their was someone out there that really didn’t want to hurt Cassian. Sure, he said it during sex, but it still shows the love and care he has for her. Idk, i just loved it,

Overall, I really loved the book. I was left smiling at satisfied, even with the things that made me mad. I think that we all had such high expectations (understandably), and let that cloud over a lot. The book, to me, was good, and the only thing I want is another one of Nesta and Cassian (which we sadly won’t get).

#nesta archeron #high lady feyre #cassian #rhysand #a court of silver flames #a court of wings and ruin #a court of mist and fury #nessian #a court of frost and starlight #sarah j maas #nesta x cassian #acosf theory #acosf quote #acosf teaser #acosf leaked #acosf spoilers

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fatalism-and-villainy · 3 years ago

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Nobody asked for a Qi Ye reaction post but here one is nonetheless (at almost 1500 words.... hello.)

[~spoilers~]

One of the first things I can say is that I love love LOVE Priest’s writing style. It’s hard to say how much of this is a translation thing, because I did get the vibe that this translation was a lot smoother and better than the other cnovel translations I happen to have read. But god!! Her style is very densely allusive, and a challenge to follow at times, but so so beautiful. The story’s narration also shifts perspective a lot in the middle of chapters, which gives it this almost cinematic bird’s eye effect for me (except with internal-emotional states more than visuals). I can see it being the kind of thing that might bother people, but I love it – and I think that it ties in with the themes about the ephemerality and impermanence of life, and the way these little moments are all part of a much bigger sphere of existence.

I also like the way she does humour more than MXTX, honestly? I find the slapstick humour in MXTX’s works to be overdone and distracting from the other story and characterization work going on in her works. Whereas here, the humour landed more and also felt like it tied in more with the actual development of character and themes. Like, for instance, Liang Jiuxiao’s battle with the sable wherein he gets scratched every time and exhausts Beiyuan’s entire supply of antidote – it’s over the top, but also genuinely funny to me, AND I feel the comedic setup of Liang Jiuxiao constantly being an unwanted visitor contrasts very well with the entire heartbreaking scenario involving Beiyuan drugging him for Zhou Zishu, as well as his general progression from a Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass archetype to being completely shattered by the evil and corruption in the world.

(The Sex and Kissing stuff is also, imo, more sensual and generally hotter to me than MXTX’s stuff – not trying to pick on her specifically, she’s just my only point of comparison for these novels.)

The main romance is ehhh… Mixed Feelings? I loved Wu Xi in all the parts he wasn’t playing the role of “love interest who expresses their love via violent jealousy”, but the parts where he WAS…. woof. Like, I don’t necessarily mind jealousy when it’s internal sensations, or when it’s a very intentionally fucked up dynamic, but I like it less so when it’s couple who’s riding off into the sunset and are the only foil to the general aura of melancholy and sadness in a story? Really hope that’s a one-off specific piece of characterization and not a general Thing for Priest…

I did actually like the gradual development of Beiyuan’s feelings, and the way there’s no Big Moment of Realization – or rather, there is a moment of realization, but it’s not super dramatic, it’s just sort of settling into something that’s been there awhile.

Another problem with their relationship for me though, I think, is how rushed the denouement of the book is, and how many important things are glossed over. Like, okay, they’re riding off into the sunset, but are they actually going to talk about the fact that Beiyuan seduced Wu Xi for Deception Purposes and then drugged him…? Taking advantage of Wu Xi’s very earnest and intense feelings in the process? Like, they stay in the capital for three months of negotiations before they leave, all while Wu Xi hides Beiyuan in his house – there must have been conversations and Relationship Negotiations? And yet we don’t See any of that, we’re just treated to them riding off in a carriage with some cheeky little line about how Beiyuan has the rest of his life to make things up to Wu Xi (presumably by having rough sex)… like ok.

The racism… there was a lot of it in the presentation of Nanjiang! I think the thing that stood out to me though was the line about Wu Xi’s having a kind of intuitive understanding of how people are (an intuition attributed to children, even!) despite not being cultured – it slots so perfectly into the kind of colonial propaganda that posits colonized people as having this innate, intuitive understanding of the world or connection with nature or what have you – but of course they’re not mature, they’re not cultured, they don’t have the capacity for rationality, that we do. To be fair, the line I’m thinking of is also applied to Liang Jiuxiao, but it is of a piece with how Nanjiang is characterized throughout the novel – like, oh, they’re so simple! When they like someone they just get married! It’s presented as a romantic ideal, but in a way that portrays Nanjiang as being Simple and Rustic and lacking the cultural complexity of the Great Qing. (Especially since we b a r e l y see the country or its people on the page.)

(Not to mention the way Wu Xi’s bodyguards from Nanjiang are portrayed as being confused and grossed out by him being in love with a man – contrasted with the commentary about how commonplace sex between men is in the Great Qing. Feels very like Nanjiang gets cast as less “enlightened”?)

I think those elements are also part of why the romance doesn’t fully stick its landing for me – because Wu Xi does take in and consider Great Qing cultural stuff, and incorporate it into his worldview alongside the influence of his home culture – and we don’t see Beiyuan doing something similar in return. He wants to leave for Nanjiang in part because he’s exhausted with capital politics and wants freedom, but why Nanjiang specifically? What does the country mean to him? How’s he actually going to fit in there? (This is another thing that also could have been filled in more with more actual writing about what goes down after that final battle.)

I honestly was deeply moved by Helian Yi. I shed literal tears for that man on multiple occasions. I do feel like I would have benefitted from more actual exploration of his past life-relationship with Beiyuan? Because as it was, I felt like that aspect of Beiyuan’s characterization was kind of informed rather than fleshed out – what did he see in Helian Yi in the first place? And I think the unrequited love would have been more poignant if we’d had more flashbacks to when it was requited.

Also, the possible-incest reveal?? What even was the point of that…? (I know people have posited that that’s why Helian Yi originally had Beiyuan killed, but with that final deleted-on-JJWXC extra I feel like it’s meant to be that he thought Beiyuan was responsible for Su Qingluan’s death. Another thing that should have been elaborated on, plot-wise…)

In general, the ending was very rushed. It gave me distinct “project due the next day” vibes.

ZHOU ZISHU!!!! – my main emotional engagement with this, tbh. I loved what was done with him, loved getting to see more of the atrocities he was behind (haha), loved the chilling “ends justify the means” ideological track he was on, loved how enmeshed he was in Hierarchy and political intrigue and how Carefully he handled himself around his social superiors… yeah.

I am also…. Also losing my mind over the entire Vibe between Zhou Zishu and Liang Jiuxiao. Misplaced devotion… broken pedestals… weird subtextual hard-to-define Feelings... selfishly wanting to hide the worst parts of yourself from someone…. Ahhhhh it’s good. Love those intricate complex homoerotic friendships. If there Exists any fic (whether platonic or less so) that anyone wants to rec… pls do 👀

I have to say, another problem I had with the ending was that I don’t think the tonal dissonance was well-balanced. Like, there’s a very melancholy atmosphere for pretty much everyone except the main couple, and I do understand that their getting away from the capital is the only thing that engenders that happiness (as a big theme of the book is that the politicking in the capital is exhausting and demoralizing – and to my understanding that is similar to the themes at work in Faraway Wanderers.) But I don’t feel as though those two streams were working in communication with each other in the final chapters – I would say that the cutesy scenes with the main couple just felt jarring in contrast to the sadness and regret that permeated the rest of the narrative. I think perhaps they were too saccharine, rather than emphasizing escape and looking forward to different possibilities? I’m not sure. (It also seems questionable to present Nanjiang as an Escape, given that Wu Xi is in charge now?? They’re still right in the thick of politics?) Anyway, this all is why I like the placement of that final extra at the end of the narrative, because it Is a turning back to melancholia that I like to see during nominal happy endings.

#qi ye talk #fandom natterings #book blogging

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