#a forbidden happiness

[duhdumb89]

A Forbidden Happiness | Chapter 48

The food spread over Shen huang gui fei's dining table was rank. There were plates of fatty, slimy meat, a bowl of strange fried noodles, greasy barbecue, and stinky mutton and camel dishes. The servants had to open every window and door so the sour smells didn't linger in her palace.

"Huabao," Shen huang gui fei said, cringing as her daughter slurped down a cup of sour yak milk, "Wouldn't you like something else to eat? His Majesty and I had lunch yesterday, and the food was so lovely. Should I send for some?"

Shaking her head, Huabao said, "Maybe later. This is all I've wanted since I returned! Ah! Thankfully, Royal Grandmother let me borrow her chef. A-niang, you don't want to try?"

Huabao placed a piece of slimy mystery meat on Shen huang gui fei's plate, a bright smile on her face.

Shen huang gui fei turned away from the sight with a strained laugh, "What about birds nest's soup? Jingse will make a fresh batch for you,"

Huabao wrinkled her nose before turning to the handmaid she'd dragged back to the palace, Tuya. Tuya was short, squat, and dark. In any other circumstance, Shen huang gui fei would have never let her set foot in Zhongcuigong.

"Are there any more of the sweet milk curds?"

"No, First Princess," replied Tuya.

"I'll just have Royal Grandmother's chef make more," said Huabao, returning to her meal.

Who was this girl sitting across from her? This wild thing? This stranger who nodded her head quietly as The Empress Dowager promised her a crop of maids to bring with her into her new household?

As the days passed, the distance between Shen huang gui fei and her child grew. Gone was the daughter who clutched her skirts and hung on her every word. Now, there was a woman who often stank of the stables and didn't care to even look at the portrait of her future husband. Huabao barely cared a lick about her marriage at all. Whenever Shen huang gui fei tried to guide Huabao about running her new household, the girl found an excuse to run away. Not to mention that her attitude during any of the pre-marriage ceremonies bordered on apathy. Huabao turned her nose up at the embroidery and calligraphy they had so much fun with, instead opting to run off, race horses, and shoot arrows with her brothers.

With each wall Huabao was determined to put up between them, Shen huang gui fei grew angrier. Her daughter would have never ended up like this if it wasn't for The Empress. Her daughter would still be her little girl and His Majesty's precious pearl if The Empress hadn't sunk her claws into her. Shen huang gui fei was sure that the bitch had something up her sleeve for Huabao's wedding. Why wouldn't she? Her maternal cousins were married to His Majesty's favored brother, she had two sons, and soon, she would have a direct connection to the Fuca clan.

If The Empress struck now, everything Shen huang gui fei had worked so hard for would go up in flames. Shen huang gui fei wasn't going to wait around and let that happen.

✺

Shen huang gui fei had never paid much attention to to Bai gonggong. He had been Fung gonggong's deputy eunuch for as long as she had been in the Forbidden City. Fung gonggong had always been the bigger fish, but he was, unfortunately, unswayable. As old as he was, he had no family to support or possibly hold hostage. He was an eunuch in all senses of the word, so a beautiful woman was as good as dirt to him, and he worshipped no one but the man under whom he rose to power: The Late Emperor. His Majesty was a close second, but the eunuch did everything in his old master's name. No concubine could push him to one side or the other, as he would defer to The Empress or The Empress Dowager as the rules permitted. Trying to bother with him was a waste of time and energy.

Bai gonggong, however, from what Jingse could gather, was nothing of the sort. He was easy to ignore and, for the right price, could get a servant where they needed to go. None of the concubines paid him notice, but he managed to collect a tidy sum from the other eunuchs and maids to switch departments or to keep secrets secret. It was rumored that the only reason he became Fung gonggong's deputy was because he was the cause of the front runner's violent end with a wild horse.

"Your Highness," he said, gesturing to the painted porcelain pots that his eunuchs held behind him, "I scoured the Storage House to find the finest gift for First Princess's wedding,"

The pots were fine. Certainly, nothing that Shen huang gui fei found to be up to her standards, but that wasn't the real reason she called him here anyway. If her intuition was correct then Bai gonggong wouldn't be opposed to helping Shen huang gui fei with her little problem.

"That one there," she said, pointing to a yellow and blue gourd-shaped pot, "Bring it closer,"

Before the eunuch holding her choice could even lift his head, Bai gonggong snatched it away and brought it to Shen huang gui fei.

Obedient. Good.

"Did you pick this one yourself, gonggong?" She asked, pretending to inspect the craftsmanship.

"Of course, Your Highness,"

A liar as well. Very good.

"You have a very good eye, gonggong,"

"This slave doesn't deserve your praise, Your Highness,"

"I'll take this one," Shen huang gui fei said, handing the pot to A'Fang, before nodding at Jingse, "Give Bai gonggong his reward,"

Bai gonggong's eyes glittered at the sight of the silver tael in Jingse's hand.

"Your Highness is too kind," he said, not hesitating to take the money. He bowed low, "We'll take our leave,"

"Stay a moment, gonggong. There's a task I'd like you to help me with," said Shen huang gui fei.

"I'm only a lowly deputy, Your Highness," Bai gonggong replied, "Perhaps Fung gonggong would be better suited to serve you?"

As deferential as the words were, there was no mistaking the way his grip tightened on the reward in his hands.

"No, you'll do just fine,"

Bai gonggong eagerly shooed the other eunuchs away.

"How may I serve you, Your Highness?"

✺

As the candles burned high and bright, a trickle of sweat slid down An pin's temple and nestled itself in the fabric of her collar. It was the height of summer now and she usually wouldn't subject herself to being steamed like a piece of fish, but she hunkered down in Dafuge for a reason. Cao taiyi had finally become worth An pin's while.

"Your Highness," Weiwei hissed as she hurried back from the courtyard facing windows, "Limei is here,"

Immediately, An pin began to poke at her thighs with a sharp pin to help the tears fall from her eyes. By the time Limei walked through the doors, An pin would have worked herself up into a respectable crying fit.

From what Weiwei could gather, Limei had been Guang pin's dowry maid and her closest confidant. Since Guang pin's death, the girl haunted the Forbidden City like a pale ghost, skulking from her new post at the Ice House to the Dafuge to pray for Guang pin's soul and back again.

The door creaked open.

"Meimei," An pin blubbered, "Meimei, I'm so sorry,"

"Your Highness?"

An pin pretended to be startled and whirled around.

"Your Highness An pin!" Limei said, dropping to her knees to bow.

An pin sniffled and rubbed the tears from her cheeks, "Rise,"

Limei glanced at Guang pin's memorial tablet, "Are you here to speak with my mistress?"

An pin nodded before gazing at the shrine, "Do you come here very often, Limei?"

Limei's eyes opened wide, as if she couldn't believe that An pin knew her name at all before nodding her head, "Yes, Your Highness. We never went a day without seeing each other...before, so it's become a habit,"

An pin sighed, "I came here because my heart is heavy. I was hoping meimei could ease my sorrows,"

"I didn't know that you and Guang pin were close, Your Highness," replied Limei.

Shaking her head, An pin pressed a hand to her heart, "We weren't. But I wish I could back and change things,"

Her voice dropped to a low whisper, "Maybe then I could have protected her,"

Limei reared back as if she had been struck, her pale face somehow going even whiter.

"What?" She croaked out?

An pin shook her head and scrambled to her feet, making a point to stumble even as Weiwei buoyed her.

"Nothing," An pin whispered, "I won't keep you from your conversation,"

An pin began ambling to the door.

"Your Highness, wait!" Limei said, running in front of her, "What did you say just then? What did you mean?"

Limei clawed at An pin's sleeve desperately. An pin snatched her arm away.

Weiwei pushed Limei to the side, "How dare you put your hands on An pin?! Get out of the way!"

An pin squeezed out more tears and brought her handkerchief to her mouth to muffle her sobs. It was a good performance but unfortunately, Limei looked defeated. She stood there quietly, not bothering to come after An pin again. What a waste!

However, just as An pin thought the whole endeavor wasn't worth her while, Limei sprung back to life. She planted herself in front of the door and kneeled.

"Your Highness, I beg you! I beg you! Please tell me! Please tell me so I can honor my mistress!"

Each cry was punctuated with a dull 'clunk' as Limei bashed her head into the ground.

Ah! Finally!

"Weiwei, help her up," said An pin.

Weiwei did as she was told.

Limei lifted her head as a thin stream of blood dribbled down her face. An pin pressed her handkerchief to it.

"You shouldn't hurt yourself like this, Limei,"

Limei shook her head, "This body is nothing. I'm only here to honor Guang pin's name,"

An pin released a theatric sigh, "If I tell you what I meant, do you promise to act sensibly?"

The girl nodded frantically, obviously lying.

Putting on a nervous tick and fiddling with her nail guards, An pin began, "When Wang Rong was alive, she was my dearest friend after we entered the palace together. We grew close for a time, but as His Majesty acquired more and more women and her favor wasn't so everlasting, she grew bitter and angry. Especially at your mistress,"

An pin paused for dramatic effect.

"One night, I thought to drop in and have dinner with Wang Rong. I didn't bother to announce myself because it was so late. She was talking to her maids and I heard her say... I...I didn't do anything about it because I couldn't imagine she would do something so drastic. And I couldn't imagine that Shen huang gui fei would help her,"

Limei's lips wobbled but no sound emerged.

"I didn't think of it again. After meimei's death, so many things happened. But a few months ago, she came to me in a dream and begged me to find the truth. She wanted me to know that it wasn't just the childbed that...that the labor didn't take her,"

"I began asking around," An pin continued, "I even sent a physician around to ask Guang pin's servants about her food and drink,"

"That was you? You sent that doctor?" Limei said before biting her lip, "What...what did he find?"

An pin blinked away a new set of tears, "Do you remember when a gift from Wang Rong came for your mistress? Herbs to keep her beauty?"

Limei, thankfully, caught on quickly to what An pin was implying.

"But, we sent it to the Imperial Hospital," Limei said, her voice shaking, "They said it was safe,"

"Do you know if they tested the entire jar or just the top?" An pin said, pulling a lie out of thin air.

Limei shook her head and pursed her lips, "I-I don't know,"

"That night, Wang Rong told her maids that she knew you sent the medicine for inspection and was glad she listened to Shen huang gui fei about filling the top of herbs with something harmless,"

"It was poison? She poisoned Guang pin?" 

"In a way. Guang pin was taking bu gu zhi. If you and I were to take it, even for years at a time, it wouldn't harm us. But for a pregnant woman, it's fatal,"

Limei crumpled to the ground and stared at An pin, in a dazed silence.

For an uncomfortable stretch of time, the girl sat there, slumped at An pin's feet without a single blink. An pin fought the scowl that was desperate to be on her face. This wasn't the response she expected. She was hoping for righteous anger or woeful tears! Not this corpse.

Instead of slapping her, An pin said softly, "Limei? Are you alright?"

"Why,"

An pin paused.

"Why?"

Limei spoke again, "Why would Shen huang gui fei do this?"

An pin knelt on the ground before grabbing Limei's hand, "The back palace is a glittering slate of beauty that masks the evil of the mind. I thought we were close but after finding out the truth. I don't know what to think,"

"Do you think she did it so she could finally have a prince?" Weiwei asked, skillfully inserting herself into the conversation.

"I," An pin said, her lips quivering, "I can't believe that. Shen huang gui fei couldn't have know that meimei would even give birth to sons,"

"Your Highness, didn't you think it was strange that out of the blue, everyone was banned from visiting Guang pin, except for Shen huang gui fei? Could it be that she wanted Guang pin to think that no one but her cared for her?"

An pin shook her head, "I don't know what to think, Weiwei. I don't want to keep thinking of these things in such a holy place,"

She swayed to the side to make a point.

"Your Highness, you've gone pale. I'll take you back to Chuxiugong,"

An pin nodded, but before she let Weiwei lead her away, she kneeled to grab Limei's hands again.

"Don't lose your head over this Limei. Wang Rong and Shen huang gui fei may have wronged your mistress, but she was only the bottom rung in the ladder of this cruel place. If you truly want to honor Guang pin, you'll live a good, long life with her memory in your heart,"

Limei sagged to the ground as if her shoulders weighed a thousand pounds.

"I will, Your Highness. Thank you for your grace,"

"Your Highness," Weiwei said as they began their trek back to Chuxiugong, "Do you think she'll be able to do anything without your help? What if this was a waste?"

An pin shrugged, "I have faith in her. Though, if it amounts to nothing, I still have plenty of things in store for Shen huang gui fei,"

✺

Jiayi was broke. Absolutely emptied out. She would probably have to sell one of the gifts Xiang pin gave her to be able to send something back to Wei Jiayi's family. As perilous as the situation was, Jiayi didn't feel anything but the outrageous amount of butterflies in her stomach. Before Xiang pin had laid down for her afternoon nap, Jiayi asked permission to drop by the clothing house and pick up some fabric for a dress. It was only half a lie. She did pick out some fabric–a few bundles of rich black silk–but it wasn't for a dress.

It was for Prince Han's gift.

Jiayi had thought long and hard about what she could possibly give to someone like him and the idea finally came to her as she watched Xiang pin 'ooh' and 'ahh' over a brocade pajama set that The Emperor had sent her before declaring that she would sew a set for him as a gift in return. The thought nailed itself to the flesh of Jiayi's brain.

She and Prince Han were together. Those were the sort of gifts people gave to one another, right? Before she could lose her courage, Jiayi had spent the money and bought the fabric. The sight of it folded innocently in the basket on her arm made her heart race. She wouldn't just give Prince Han the pajamas, obviously. That would be too much! She would paint him something with her Hubi. Maybe when she asked Sang'er to give her Prince Han's measurements, she'd ask if Prince Han had any favorite poems or sutras so she could paint something to hang on his wall. Jiayi was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed the sight of Shen huang gui fei's and First Princess's raised chairs. She moved herself to the side and kneeled as the entourage passed by.

Since First Princess's return, Shen huang gui fei's time revolved entirely around the wedding. While things had been quiet, they all knew better than to count Shen huang gui fei out. They were as vigilant as they could be. Jiayi rose to her feet as the servants passed her by. She paused as a familiar yet unfamiliar face brought up the rear of Shen huang gui fei's line of maids. She had seen the maid's face before, somewhere, but never as a servant of Zhongcuigong. Before she could bring a face to the name, a eunuch stopped in front of her.

"Wei guniang?"

Jiayi clutched her basket tightly. She had never seen this eunuch before, "Yes?"

"Fung gonggong has asked for you,"

Jiayi's throat dried up in an instant. She croaked out a laugh, "I'm sorry gonggong, but I have to return to my mistress–,"

"Her Highness Xiang pin has already been informed," he replied, "This way. Quickly," 

[ree-dee-art]

Happy Birthday, Harry. ✨️💜💚

[miryum]

Don't Pity Me, My Princess (Azriel x Reader)

With Azriel as your personal knight, it's getting harder and harder for both of you to ignore your feelings.

Warnings: whole lotta angst. Talk of children and childbirth because royalty need heirs, you know? Az doesn’t have his shadows (even though it was so hard to write him without them) but is still called Shadowsinger. Azriel's mother was abused and there's like, one sentence about it

Word Count: 5k

Azriel had lived at the palace since he was a young boy. His mother had knocked on the servant’s quarters one dark night, begging for someone to take her son. She could handle an abusive husband, but she couldn’t bear her baby boy to suffer the same fate as she did. An old maid took pity on the new mother and agreed to house, clothe, and educate the child. Just before the new mother left, she kissed Azriel’s cheek and whispered his name. “You’ll do good things, my dear. I am so sorry.”

Coincidentally, a couple months later, the Queen gave birth to an infant girl. Princess Y/n was heralded with parades and celebrations, the new heir apparent. Meanwhile, in the servant’s quarters, a baby with a thick head of black hair and small little wings was just learning how to lift his head, staring up at the maids and butlers who saved his life.

Azriel grew up preparing for the life of a knight. He remembered growing up watching the knights train as he played with his own wooden sword. He remembered beating his still-developing wings to try and see over the wooden barrier of the jousting arena. He remembered when the knights first caught sight of him, trying to hack away at a dummy. They teased him at first, but then, just like his entire life, they took pity on him. The next week, Azriel began training as a squire.

It was a long time before he earned his leathers and then his siphons, but the Shadowsinger became a name that was both respected and feared throughout the kingdom. The King sent him on missions all over the continent and Azriel always returned successful. He would fight in the jousts and consistently win. He had maidens and ladies swooning over him, but they weren’t who he yearned for.

That’s why he volunteered, almost a bit too hastily, when the King asked for extra protection over his daughter, Princess Y/n. 

Azriel’s mind was filled with you, almost every moment of every day. It couldn’t be healthy, that he was aware of, but having grown up next to you, even if from the shadows, he had forged a deep connection to you.

When he was young, he had hardly noticed the little princess completing her studies. He couldn’t remember a time when he saw her in the halls or at the training ring — which is where he most frequented. But one day, a year or two after he had turned a teen, Azriel had fought in his first joust. In any joust, it was customary for a knight to be sponsored by a lady of the court. A lady usually had a favourite knight she regularly sponsored, so Azriel’s stomach was in a pit when it was time to trot by for potential sponsorship. Who would ever cheer for the newest, youngest knight? Azriel sure could beat a village boy in combat, but he was still the smallest and scrawniest of all of the palace’s knights — if you could even call him that. He could recall his anxiety as if it was yesterday. The way the crowd was cheering, the way his horse’s hooves kicked up dirt underneath, and the way he began to sweat as he tried to sit straight. 

And then, as he passed the royal box, you stood. Azriel almost kept his horse trotting by, sure it was a mistake, but when he saw you extract your blue handkerchief, he pulled on the reins. By some fortuity or fortune, your handkerchief was the same colour as his siphon. He had just earned his first one the week prior. Through his metal visor, he stared, wide-eyed, as you reached down and tucked your handkerchief into the folds of his armour. The rest of the court was watching too, but Azriel didn’t see them. He could only focus on the way his heart sped up when you whispered, “good luck.” 

You were an utter vision. Azriel was sure that you had chosen him to be your champion because of the closeness in your ages, but your support, even if it was just a piece of cloth you had embroidered, meant the world. He hadn’t won his first joust, or his second, but you kept sponsoring him. Azriel became accustomed to stopping under the royal box and bowing to you before heading to his starting position. Sometimes, especially if it was an important event, you would have a new handkerchief for him, or even some whispered encouragement, but Azriel didn’t need those things as long as he could keep making eye contact with you. And then he started winning. He could still hear your excited screams as his javelin hit his opponent straight on, which gained Azriel the championship. It wasn’t unusual for members of the court to get invested in the jousting, but others found it humorous that you were jumping from your seat to see better. However, you were only a teenager, and they knew you would soon be able to control your emotions. 

You had not-so-patiently waited for Azriel to bring his horse back around to the royal box after doing a lap of the stadium. People had thrown flowers and kisses and Azriel had shed his helmet, his cheeks hot from both the exertion and attention. When he saw you, he bowed deeply and handed a flower that someone had thrown to him. It was a small red rose. Your gloved fingers brushed his as you took the flower. His black hair hung over his face as he ducked his head. You made a mental note to have the barber stop by the barracks. “My Princess,” he muttered, head still bowed. “Thank you for choosing me as your champion, all those months ago.”

“Well, Sir Azriel, it certainly paid off, didn’t it?” you replied, smiling down at him. “It’s an honour to have you wear my colours.” You nodded to one of your handkerchiefs that was tucked in the chink of his armour, right above his breast. 

That was the past. And now, Azriel had the glorious opportunity to stand in front of the King and Queen, multiple siphons displayed proudly as he suggested his own name for the position of your bodyguard. Your childhood knight was retiring, something everyone thought was best as his wit, speed, and strength declined. That opened up the position. The King and Queen had called for the Shadowsinger’s opinion and he gave it, however biased he was with his feelings. “Your Majesties, I believe that the best thing for this kingdom and your daughter would be if I offered my services.” 

“And why is that, Shadowsinger? Wouldn’t you rather be sent on missions and participate in protecting our kingdom?”

“With all due respect, my King, the princess is the face of the kingdom,” Azriel said, a knee pressing against the floor of the throne room. It hurt, yes, but he could handle it if it meant sparing you the pain. “The people love her, but that also means many hate her. There are too many dangers, especially with other kingdoms threatening to encroach on our borders. I would be able to protect the princess, and you and the Queen, more efficiently if I was her personal guard.”

The two monarchs exchanged a look before the Queen nodded. “Very well, then. You’ll assume the position effective immediately. You shall accompany Princess Y/n to events and daily excursions. You’ll be briefed more extensively later this week.”

Azriel nodded and stood. He thanked the King and Queen and hurried out, trying to conceal his budding smile.

“Do you remember all the signals?” you called from your dressing room. 

Azriel was standing outside, content to just listen to your voice, but he replied, “yes, my princess.”

“And you’re wearing your dress uniform?”

“Yes, my princess.”

“Are all the other guards as well?”

“Yes, my princess.”

The door then opened and you peeked out. “And are you sick of me asking you senseless questions?” you asked, an apologetic smile on your lips.

“Never, my princess,” Azriel answered softly, eyes holding yours. “Are you almost ready?”

You ducked back into your dressing room, voice floating out again. “Almost. I believe we just need some more hairpins, yes?” Your maid responded in an affirmative and a couple minutes later, the door opened once more. There you stood in a cobalt gown that cascaded down to the floor, hair all done up, and jewellery proudly displayed on your knuckles and upon your collarbone. It didn’t escape Azriel that your dress was the same colour as his siphons.

Azriel had spent years serving under the King and Queen, honing his emotions to be the stoic force he needed to be. But, with you in front of him, he found his resolve cracking. His eyes widened and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

“Do I look that horrible, sir?” you teased.

The guard immediately shook his head. “No, my princess. Quite the opposite, in fact. You…” his jaw tensed. “Those princes and dukes will be tripping over their feet.”

As much as Azriel would love to pretend that you were his and he would be the only one accompanying you tonight, he knew that this ball was for a very specific reason, and one he did not like. Your parents needed you wed, and it couldn’t be to him.

Nobility and court members alike knew to avoid Azriel when he was watching you. You were on your fifth dance with the fifth man and Azriel made sure to walk around the dance floor as you moved, always being as close as possible.

The moment Azriel had known he was to be your new personal knight, he had created a series of hand signals for you to use covertly. He was always on the lookout for your well-being and thankfully, there had only been a few times when you had needed to use the hand signals.

Months prior, your parents had held an anniversary ball for their marriage. You were a bit younger, more naive, and Azriel had only been your personal knight for just under a year. He had loved every moment of it, but he couldn’t help but feel a budding sense of anticipatory fear as he saw you twirl around the dance floor carelessly. You had one of your younger cousins in your arms and was spinning them around to their delight. While Azriel wanted to imagine a smaller child in the stead of your cousin, perhaps one with dark hair and your eyes and little wings that replicated his own, he was more focused on the older man that was watching you.

A measly Count from further South, the man looked twice your age and three times as intoxicated. He stayed on the outskirts of the celebration, but the Shadowsinger was not one to miss something.

When the Count approached you after your dance with your cousin, Azriel didn’t intervene. He couldn’t act only on a suspicion that the Count was malicious. And he wouldn’t act without your express approval.

But then he saw you twist the ring on your pointer finger.

When Azriel had first become your bodyguard, you were unsure if you could remember all the signals he had wanted you to memorise. A deeper fear, admittedly, was that he wouldn’t be watching and then unintentionally leave you to your own devices. Azriel was determined, however, to never waive your trust. He immediately came marching in, whispering something meaningless into your ear under the guise of matters only you, the princess, could attend to, and swept you away. A dirty look was thrown to the Count and Azriel made sure never to let you near him again. In fact, the Count was barred from any and all future events.

Meanwhile, you had finished your dance with the nameless suitor and Azriel already had an arm stretched out for you. You took it gratefully, needing a respite from all the men giving you unabashed stares. “I really do hate this,” you said to him as he guided you away. “I don’t see why they’re even letting me choose my husband if he will be from this very specific pool of men. At this point, it would be easier to simply betroth me to whomever they see fit.”

“You know my feelings on that, my princess,” Azriel replied. “And I’m sure your parents feel the same. They wish for you to have some sort of semblance of choice and happiness.” Even if it is not with me, the man who would worship you.

You sighed and looked down at your feet. “I know, good sir. But it’s tiring, as I’m sure you can realise. I’d much rather be in my room, engaging in the arts or taking a nap.”

Azriel couldn’t help but let out a deep laugh, one that drew your lips up into a brilliant smile. “Yes,” he agreed. “I’m sure you would.” He paused and then looked down at you. You looked so perfect on his arm and there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do to keep you there. “Here’s a proposition: if you survive the rest of this evening, I will dance with you.”

Your eyes immediately light up and Azriel swore the stars themselves burned brighter, pledging their allegiance to you. God, you were like ambrosia in his veins and how he wished for it to keep flowing. “Really?” you gasped. Azriel had been very conservative in his dances, even though, unbeknownst to you, he would dance on forever if you asked. But whenever he held you in his arms, it was too intoxicating. Too dangerous. He was still the Shadowsinger, even if he was sworn to protect you. The hands he held you with had been the notorious cause for so much pain. The thought of telling you about his past missions… It scared him more than imaginable. Those memories were ones best kept locked away within the shadows. He didn’t want you to think of the people he’s hurt – of the suffering he had caused – when you looked at him.

So all he did was nod back, smiling the soft look only you could bring out.

The night slowly wore on, the candles flickering over the walls, bidding the departing guests farewell. And still you stayed. Even as the moonlight rose above the windows and the maids and butlers slowly began cleaning up, you stayed. Only the musicians remained as Azriel led you to the middle of the floor. There was an unspoken trust between you and the musicians, knowing they wouldn’t tell your parents (who had already gone to bed) about your singular, last dance with your knight.

Easily, you placed your hand on his shoulder and Azriel’s palm flexed on the small of your back. The way your dress swished softly was a small distraction from the thoughts swirling in Azriel’s mind. He drew your joined hands closer to his chest as he thought back to how you danced with those other men. As if you knew he needed comfort, you stepped closer to Azriel, resting your head on his chest and eyes closing with exhaustion. His arms automatically wrapped around you, holding you tightly – almost protectively – as he let his cheek rest on your hair. His eyes softened and he murmured, “tired, my princess?” 

“Over a multitude of things,” you replied. 

Azriel tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his hand lingering on your cheek. “A multitude of things?”

“I almost wish I didn’t have to marry,” you admitted. “It’s not as easy as it seems in the stories. I need to take alliances into consideration and the happiness of my people. Along with wealth, resources, and good blood. My feelings hardly add into the equation, even though I want them too.” You then shook your head and changed the subject, a teasing smile on your lips. “Has anyone complimented your wings before?”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“No,” he responded, a bit hoarsely. “No one has.”

You hummed and shook your head. “They should.” Your eyes trailed down to your intertwined hands before giving his palm a small squeeze. His burn scars marred his skin, contractures stretching over his hands and arms and small keloids by his wrists and creeping up to his elbows. Azriel winced slightly at the pressure of your hand on his scarred skin, memories of the pain flooding back. He tried to hide it, not wanting to ruin the moment, but a flicker of discomfort crossed his features. You instantly lifted your hand slightly to give him reprieve. Azriel wished for the contact back, but he knew he was the one to blame for the lack of touch. He was the one to make you flinch away.

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat, trying to bring the conversation back to his wings. "You’re the first.”

“I’m privileged then,” you murmured as he spun as the music lilted. “Though it truly is a pity.”

As you spun around, Azriel's wings extended instinctively, the iridescent membranes catching the moonlight. He held you close, ensuring your balance, and for a fleeting moment, he allowed himself to revel in the beauty of his own wings. They were a part of him, and something he couldn’t imagine living without. He watched you longingly as you twirled in his arms. His eyes followed the movement of your gown as you twirl. When he had you pressed close to him once again, he replied quietly, “is it really a pity, my princess?”

“They should’ve been complimented — all of you should’ve been complimented a thousand times before now,” you corrected yourself quickly, thumb sweeping over his hand where yours was placed on top of his. “You don’t see how amazing you are because you hide behind your scars and memories. But you’re the best knight I’ve had.”

The words carved him open deeper than any blade, striking into the insecurities he held. The sincerity in your voice and the gentle touch of your thumb on his hand made something in his chest ache. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. The idea of all of him being complimented, rather than just specific parts or aspects, such as his fighting ability, was a foreign concept. He glanced down at you, eyes filled with sereness. “All of me?” he asked quietly, his voice rough.

You nodded with a caring, hopeful smile on your face. Maybe he would finally see how sensational he was.

Eventually, you came to a stop, standing in the middle of the room. The musicians finished their song and quietly packed up, leaving. Yet, you and Azriel were still in each other’s arms. Azriel continued to hold you, savoring the moment. He relished being able to hold you like this, without anyone else around. 

“Do you truly pity me?” he wondered.

You shook your head. “No,” you whispered out. “I would never be able to pity the man who devoted his life to me. I would never be able to pity the man who devotes himself to me. And I don’t think I have it in me to pity the man whom I truly care for.”

For a brief moment, he stood rigid, unused to such easy affection. Then, his wings unfurled slightly, wrapping around you both like a cocoon, shielding you from the world outside. “As I you, my princess,” he allowed himself to say, scared that if anything more were to come from his mouth, it would be a declaration of unwanted love.

“Will you ever call me anything else?” you couldn’t help but tease, looking up at him.

Azriel smiled back down at you, hazel eyes warm with love. “No, my princess.” The night was silent, but Azriel didn’t want to be. His lips parted to tell you something, but when your eyes darted down to them, he found himself asking, “have I yet praised your dress?”

“You have,” you laughed. “But it’s kind of you to do it again. I wanted to match you, you know?” You reached down and pulled your dress to the side to reveal a glittering sheen of fabric under the thick cobalt fabric.

Azriel’s eyes widened in appreciation. “Beautiful, princess,” he admired sincerely once again. “It’s an honour to have you wear my colours.” He repeated the words you had said to him all those years ago.

“I’ll always wear your colours,” you replied. “You’re my knight, after all. Ever since I was young.” Your hand slid up his chest and wrapped around his neck, thumb brushing against his skin and along the hair by the nape of his neck.

The Shadowsinger couldn’t contain his shiver. “Must you, my princess?” he breathed out, voice rough.

“Must I what?”

Azriel’s eyes fluttered shut and his head dipped down, nose brushing against your forehead. “Must you marry some duke or prince?”

It took you a while to respond and Azriel’s heart only beat faster each second that passed. “No,” you admitted quietly. “But my parents would like it. They won’t have me marry a commoner, but… I could very well marry a knight.”

“Princess…” Every part of his soul seems to be reaching out, grasping for you. His grip tightened slightly, holding you against him as if he feared you would be ripped. His hands trembled slightly as they remained on your waist. There was a vulnerability in his eyes – a desperate need for confirmation that the words you said were real. “Do not give me hope if you plan on tearing it away. It is too cruel of you.”

“So it’s true,” you muttered. “You have feelings for me?”

“I am not brave like you,” he instead said. “I’ve been your loyal knight for years, my princess. But I couldn’t bear to make myself a liability to your heart. I couldn’t do that to you. I care what others think of me, as much as I hate it. They cannot pity me, I cannot have it so.”

You shook your head sadly. “Sir, they do not feel sorry for you. No one does, especially not me. You’ve protected me for so long, you’ve more than earned your place here by my side. This isn’t some fanciful notion born of youthful indiscretion. You and I both know that. This is a mature, considered love that, hopefully, you feel too.” Your voice cracked as you continued and tears shone in your eyes. Oh, how Azriel hated to be the one to cause you such pain. “My love for you, as you are, flaws and all, is why I adore you so deeply.”

The man couldn’t bring himself to say anything. What did one say when the love of their life confessed feelings?

You couldn’t see the way he gazed down at you, almost lovingly. You stubbornly kept your cheek on his chest, trying to minimise the way your cheeks heated up. Why wasn’t he saying anything? But you were already so far in, so you couldn’t help but whisper, “you would do most anything for me, correct, good sir?”

“Within a heartbeat.”

“Do you mind if I demand something from you?” you asked.

Azriel chuckled softly at your question, the sound rumbling through his chest where your head rested. He tilted his head curiously as his fingers traced small circles on your lower back. “What did you have in mind, my princess?” he asked, his voice low. “I'm curious now... What could possibly entice you enough to make a deal with the devil himself?” 

“Oh, the devil himself?” you repeated, shaking your head as you laughed softly. Somehow, he always managed to make you feel better, no matter the embarrassment that coursed through you. “Is that what you truly think of yourself?” You smiled up at him, not answering his question as you tried to find the courage to do so. Finally, you whispered out, “a kiss.”

Azriel's breath caught in his throat at your whispered confession. For a moment, he was stunned into silence, hardly believing what he heard. He could feel his heart skip a beat, like a leaf in the wind. You looked so small in his strong arms, so hopeful. “Is that all you would ask for?” he finally managed to ask. His wings twitched a bit.

You gave him a weak smile. “Yeah. That’s what I would demand.”

He stared down at you, taking in every detail of your face - the slight parting of your lips, the wide-eyed gaze, the flush creeping up your neck. He could feel the tension between you, thick and electric, like the air before a storm. His hand slid up your back, coming to rest at the nape of your neck. Gently, his fingers tangling in your hair. “Just a kiss,” he repeated, his voice a low rasp. “Nothing more?” 

“Ignorant knight,” you whispered out once, laughing.

“Is that still what you want?” he asked again desperately. His heart hammered in his chest so hard it made him dizzy. His eyes traced over your face over and over again. 

“Oh, Shadowsinger,” you muttered, shaking your head in amusement. You reached up and cupped his face in your palms. “Why won’t you kiss me?” You reached up on your tiptoes before slowly connecting your lips. 

Azriel had been struck by lightning. Every nerve ending in his body came alive, sending sparks of pleasure through him. He stood frozen for a heartbeat, scarcely able to believe what was happening. Then, with a low groan, he melted into the kiss. His hand came to cup your face tenderly, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone as he deepened the kiss. He poured all his pent-up longing and affection into it, trying to convey without words just how much you mean to him.

From the sheer intensity of it, your knees weakened under you, but Azriel quickly wrapped his arm around your waist to hold you securely against his chest. You tilted your head and it felt like a dream. But he didn’t need to wake up because you were real. You were there, loving him fully and kissing him sweetly.

Azriel laid in bed, body and wings curled around the smaller form. His eyes blinked slowly, gazing down reverently at the infant. The baby had small wings that were almost exact to Azriel’s own. They had made the birth difficult and Azriel had been about ready to break down the door when he heard your screams. He hadn’t been allowed in the room, even though you had begged for him. Your cries had brought him to his knees and replaced the nightmares about his past missions with ones of your sobs.

Nevertheless, you had accomplished the horrible feat and Azriel had rushed into the room. He had first checked up on you, hands and anxieties flying about, kisses being placed on the skin that he could reach. Then he saw his little son, whom he now held in his arms. 

You had recuperated over the months, but it never got old to Azriel to hold his child. It never got old to hold you either. The moment he had gotten his child in his arms, so unbelievably worried about doing harm to him as he had done harm to so many others in his past, Azriel had asked for another. 

You had almost thrown him out of the room.

That first night, Azriel had held both you and child close to his bare chest, for the midwives had said that skin-to-skin contact was best. For the next few weeks, Azriel hardly put on a shirt (which you didn’t complain about), so it got normal to see the ex-knight pressing his son against his chest as he walked around the castle, as if giving the newborn a tour. The baby’s head fit perfectly in Azriel’s palm and more often than not, he would look up at his father with wide eyes that were so much like his mother’s, reaching out to grab at Azriel’s chin or wings.

The Shadowsinger had yet to be thrust into the life of King, for your parents hadn’t passed on, but for that he was grateful. It gave him more time to spend with his wife and child.

There was the creak of a floorboard and Azriel looked up to see you entering your shared bedroom. A smile instantly broke out on his face. “There’s my wife,” he murmured, reaching out with his hand that was adorned by the perfect ring. Its twin sat on your own finger. “My princess.” The words had such a sweeter connotation now.

“Husband,” you replied, having yet to get used to that word. You took his hand, and with a smile of your own, crawled into bed next to your son. “How are my two favorite Shadowsingers doing?”

“Oh, he shall not need that title,” Azriel hummed. “It’s much too dangerous for our little boy.”

“And what would you rather propose?”

Azriel gazed down at the small child, a hand ghosting over the boy’s thick patch of dark hair. “That’s for him to decide,” he finally said. “He will be able to make his own name and title and we will love him whichever path he chooses.”

After some blissful moments passed, you allowed some words to tumble from your mouth. “Are you happy, my love?”

“Of course.” He looked up at you, concerned eyes snapping away from the babe. “Why do you ask? Do you doubt my love for you?”

You shook your head, smiling. Your voice was quiet, worried about stepping over a line. But if almost two years of marriage had taught you anything about Azriel, it was that he never held secrets from you. “No, never. I just remember how, before we were wed, you were certain that everybody pitied you. I was wondering, do you still think they do?” 

“No,” your husband replied, eyes soft as he looked over at you. “Why would they? My entire world is here with me now. I hardly need anything else.”

Thank you so much for reading! This is my first ACOTAR fic so I hope I did Azriel justice. 😊 I wanna thank @pellucid-constellations for writing amazing Azriel fics and getting me into ACOTAR in the first place and just being amazing. (Also @illyrianbitch for posting today and giving me the excitement to post for Az) 😁

[canisalbus]

✦ Happy hoodie ✦

[kelsochronicles]

✨Celebrating All

🌈 Happy Pride

[nerd-artist]

Happy birthday, Aloy 🎂✨

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

Good Luck, Babe! (8)- You'd Have To Stop The World

Wanda Maximoff X Reader 18+

Inspired by the song 'Good Luck, Babe!' by Chappell Roan

Summary: Returning to Westview after twelve years away causes you to look back on your secret love affair with Wanda, to remember the intimate moments you shared together before her refusal to accept her true self drove the two of you apart, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart alone.

What happens when you reunite with the woman you've been trying so hard to forget, forced to watch her suffer in an unhappy marriage that was slowly drowning her, still too scared to confront her true feelings?

Chapter 8- 8.6k Words

Good Luck, Babe! Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 7

A/N: Hey… So it’s been a while, huh? I’m sorry! Life has been super hectic these last few months and my mental health has been all over the place (which I have finally got a therapist to help me with!) So between two jobs, being in full time education and being depressed, it’s been pretty hard to consistently write or stay motivated but I’m sorta back? Only very briefly as it’s the holidays and my exams once again start again at the end of January and don’t finish pretty much till June. My plan for this fic is that this is the official final chapter of the story but I’m planning a sort of epilogue/extra chapter that I’ll add more info about in the end notes. Once again, I’m so sorry for leaving you all on a cliff-hanger (that was pretty evil of me)

But hopefully this makes it up to you <3 I love you all!

—

An empty feeling consumed your chest with every heavy step you took to the avenue your house was on, your hand gripping the dog lead harder than necessary as your eyes inevitably spotted the familiar red car that had pulled up into the drive next to yours, a gnawing feeling picking away at your mind. It had been just over a couple agonising weeks since the…incident with Wanda, a little while since you felt your heart crack once more, crumbling into hundreds of pieces that you felt would never be able to be put back together again, the constant replaying of the event in your mind further ensuring you wouldn’t heal from the memory. The agony that expressed itself in her choked sobs and broken, tearful gaze haunted you, it wedged an unfathomable ache in your soul that seemed unescapable, everything seeming to remind you of the woman you so desperately needed to remove from your thoughts.

You sighed in an irritated manner as you sensed where your thoughts were heading as you approached yours, and consequently, Wanda’s house, your head shaking subtly to try and rid you of the sight of her green gazing into yours, every swirl of her enticing green losing that glimmer of happiness you adored so much as you murmured the words ‘I can’t’. It was draining, constantly being reminded of how your love was never meant to be, how things would never end up like the stories you’d dream of, willing the characters who were clearly destined to be together to push past that final barrier that was blocking their happiness, you just wanted it to stop. You needed it to stop.

Before you could drift further down that detrimental path, the sound of two energetic boys calling your name gripped your attention, a smile genuinely gracing your lips at their emphatic tones, their contagious smiles and laughter meeting your ears as you passed the bottom of their drive. You avoided looking further up the path as they approached you, not wanting to feel another wave of conflict course through you, your gaze staying focussed on the way Billy instantly ran towards Lucky, deciding he wanted to say hi to the bundle of fluff he loved so much.

“Y/n!” Tommy called excitedly, his tone hopeful as he continued, his little form standing in front of you, looking up at you with a cheerful and innocent smile, his enthusiasm to speak to you causing the corner of your lips to tug that little bit wider. “Can we please come over to play today?” He pleaded, eager to come over and show you how he had improved his kickups, now able to do fifteen in a row, as it had been a while since you allowed them over, not wanting to endure the unnecessary contact with Wanda.

At his hopeful and bright tone, you felt your heart melt at his and his brother’s actions, Billy fussing over Lucky who sat by him, the dog growing extremely fond of the brown haired boy as he enjoyed his company when they’d come over. It was natural for the two of them to occupy each other, Billy’s hand running through golden fur as he would read a comic whilst Tommy and yourself caused chaos, a small tug pulling on the strings of your heart as you didn’t want to deny the twins of the fun they had in your garden, but a harsher, more prominent tug reminded you of their mother, feeling her intense green gaze at you.

To say things were tense between you would be an understatement, Wanda’s entire being longing for you, to talk to you and try and clear things up, express the emotions she had spent years burying as she couldn’t physically hold it in any longer, but it was clear you didn’t want to even try, deciding the only way you were going to be able to move on was by leaving the other woman behind. You needed to move on, to forget the way she sparked joy into your life and in doing so, you reluctantly ignored her, deciding that it would somehow be easier for you to simply avoid her than face her and your thoughts once more.

Without even looking up, you could tell she had that pleading glint in her eyes, hoping you’d spare her even a mere glance as you crouched to the boy’s level, letting your hand ruffle Tommy’s hair in that teasing and playful manner that always made him giggle, an apologetic smile gracing your features.

“I’m sorry but I’ve got more boring adult stuff to do tonight,” you murmur softly, your face signalling your sorrow for disappointing them as you witness the excitement slowly crumble away from the twins, Tommy’s shoulders slumping a little.

“But you had that last week,” he argued, your gaze drifting to Billy who was smiling down at Lucky, the dog tilting its head back to stare up at the boy with his tongue sticking out, the golden retriever’s usual goofy manner making him laugh.

“I know, I’m sorry,” your tone comforting as you fix his hair briefly after messing it up. “Blame my boss for giving me homework,” you tease, the boy’s eyes almost widening in fear at the idea of still being given homework in adulthood, amusing you briefly before you continue, wanting to cheer them both up a little. “I promise you can come over soon, I miss beating you at football,” you playfully murmur, pushing his shoulder teasingly as a glint of determination appears in Tommy’s eyes, a small laugh escaping Billy as he knew you always somehow lost the football matches, potentially due to letting the smaller boys win but not telling them that. “Now go on to your parents, I’ve got to go and be an adult now,” you joked, as you stood back up, making a show of getting up, pretending as though you were that old it hurt your knees and back, further amusing them and bringing smiles back onto their faces.

“Bye Lucky,” Billy said with more enthusiasm before muttering a short goodbye to you, making you shake your head playfully as it was clear how much more he loved the dog than you, something you could understand as Lucky was such a good companion.

Your eyes followed the way Tommy ran after his brother after saying bye to you, something you regretted almost instantly as you saw Wanda greet them, her hand cradling each of their heads in a motherly manner before letting them run off inside, her head turning to look at you, as though she felt your eyes on her.

The brief eye contact made you freeze momentarily, conflicted at how to feel as the world around you seemed to fade away, the only things you were able to focus on being the way your heart started to pound in your chest and her intense green seeming to grip your attention. Staring into her gaze that held a glint of pain but also hope made you wonder whether Wanda felt this immense guilt you did when she avoided you when you first came back, your heart feeling as though it was being split into two. Despite everything, you wanted to comfort her, no matter what could happen between you both you always longed to protect and care for her and it always hurt, especially as you knew you were the reason she was hurting now, the situation between you two forever resembling two stars that never wanted to align. On the other hand, you knew you didn’t have it in you to soothe her pain, deciding to try and savour the last remnants of your heart, finding it would somehow be easier to push her away than deal with the whirlwind of emotions that threatened to overpower you.

“Y/n please can we-” Wanda tried, desperation clearly lacing her tone as she took a pleading step forwards, wanting to, needing to talk to you, to try and clear the air and help navigate the feelings that were slowly suffocating her, trapping her in a place of despair.

Before she could finish her sentence, you sighed, shoulders slumping visibly for her to see, her brows drawing together as a pained expression took over her face as you stayed silent, merely offering her one last apologetic and equally broken look before turning away, walking towards your house and leaving her alone once more, a prominent ache forming in her chest.

“Please,” she whispered more to herself as you hesitated by your door, lowering your head whilst you paused before twisting your key in the lock, shutting yourself away from the other woman as her boys called for her, a despondent feeling consuming her whilst she had to force a smile to her lips, trying to put the mask back on for her family.

***

The sound of distant chatter met Wanda’s ears as she manoeuvred around the kitchen, starting to prepare dinner for everyone whilst her mind wandered elsewhere, inevitably drifting to thoughts involving you.

It was maddening to the other woman, the way you managed to consume her thoughts so regularly, how it seemed the world would have to stop for the longing in her heart for you to diminish, every fibre in her being longing for you, your presence, your laughter, simply you. You were the only thing that made her feel as though she was alive, that there was a purpose as to why her heart was beating in her chest, fluttering and melting at your actions. She hated how so many years had to pass for her to realise that she should never have tried to deny her feelings for you, to stop the love that wanted to bloom in her chest as she would gaze at you in your truck, a genuine look of happiness etched onto her features as she got lost in the moment, unbothered by the rest of the world and what she thought she had to be. She just wanted to be herself and in your presence was the only place she ever felt like she was safe enough. Even when you sat with her on your sofa that devastating night she felt safe, she felt more passion and affection in those sparing moments than over the years without you, an emptiness that brewed inside her craving your care to reminded her of how colourful life could be, like it was when you were both young, naïve and free adults with only one thought in your minds, each other.

It was apparent things would never change as you still consumed each other's thoughts, the love being replaced by haunting memories however, Wanda’s lips trembling slightly as she tried to get a grip on the emotions threatening to drown her, to force her into a spiral she didn’t want to experience. The years of pretending, lying to and berating herself fuelled her pain as she desperately tried to not let those thoughts control her once again, unable to survive in that mindset any longer, just wanting to accept that she was still normal, even if her heart wanted someone different, someone that she was told was wrong and corrupt. She wasn’t a freak, she wasn’t, she was just a victim of love was what Wanda repeated in her head, only reminding her of more confusing thoughts swarming around her head.

She loved you, she could finally say it to herself, but it was clear it wouldn’t matter as you avoided her, reluctant to cause any more pain as your feelings seemed to pass by each other at the wrong time, never quite clicking. It caused a different kind of hollow emptiness to settle in her chest, her mind dragging her down a painful trail of thoughts as she replayed that night in her mind, clinging onto anything that could offer some sort of relief to the agonising pain digging into her heart.

Cruelly, her thoughts remember the feeling of your delicate touch burning into her skin as you cupped her cheek, offering some sort of comfort to her after rejection and heartache flooded through her, gripping her heart in a manner that stripped her breath away, scared at the overwhelming feeling of pain. She could almost feel the lump that had formed in her throat, the way her lips trembled, tears spilling from her eyes as she sank into your body, desperately trying to relish in your comfort but succumbing to the agony that ripped through her chest, her soul.

The memory made her want to break down into tears once again, to let the avalanche of anxiety crash through her, knocking her over every time she managed to try and get back up but a small glimmer of hope floated through her mind, offering her a life line to cling onto.

She vividly remembers the way both of you leaned in, that intoxicating look in your eyes as you let your gaze drift to her lips, a longing look evident in them which only made it even more confusing for Wanda. She could see it in you, she was sure of it, you still loved her even after anything, it was something that tormented you forever as you said, confessing to her that you ‘had always been’ in love with her. You wanted it to work, even now. Why couldn’t things just work out? She was ready to tell you everything, to accept who she was but it wouldn’t matter, even if it was clear both of you felt the same way, your souls drawn together, it never seemed right.

Why couldn’t she just accept herself sooner? Why didn’t she realise loving you was worth any risk? Why was everything so confusing? She just wants to be able to think straight.

“Mom?” Tommy called suddenly, snapping Wanda out of her thoughts as she lifted her hand to wipe the stray tear that had spilt down her cheek, using all her courage to force a smile onto her face for the boys to see as they trudged into the kitchen, bored expressions on their faces. “Can you come and play with us please? Dad said he had a work call to take again,” he grumbles as both Billy and Tommy slump onto the stools by the kitchen island, their heads in their hands as they stare at the back of their mother, oblivious to the conflict swarming around her head.

At his words, anger seeped into Wanda’s mind as she let out a sigh, not wanting even more emotions to rage in her head at her husband's incompetence and inability to actually be a father for once, more memories from that night and the past few days filling her mind. After that argument that left her crying outside, Wanda had finally reached her tipping point, her heart unable to take anymore misery from the man, to waste any more years of her life pretending that she loved him, that she even cared for him. There was nothing left to savour between them and the last few days had only cemented the idea in her head to leave, to try and find someone else that would love her or show her some sort of affection, someone like you- No, not you, you were making that clear.

“I’m sorry but I’m a little busy Dorogoy, I’m trying to make Paprikash for dinner,” Wanda softly replies, making sure neither of the boys could sense the irritation that had brewed in her, their faces brightening at the mention of one of their favourite dishes though. Turning around to face them, she saw the disappointment briefly in their eyes from the usual dismissal from Vision, her heart clenching a little as they desperately wanted to play with someone, some joy filling them at the idea of food though, an idea entering Wanda’s mind. “Do you two want to help me make it?” She asked them, a gentle and motherly smile gracing her lips as they nodded eagerly, excited to try something new as they jumped off the seats to stand by her side, love blooming in her chest. Despite her negative feelings towards their father, the one thing she’d forever be grateful to him about was the two boys they brought into the world, her hands going to Billy’s shoulders as she instructed him on what to do, Tommy waiting to be told his job, both of them bickering on who was sous chef number one and who was sous chef number two.

Their playful chatter quickly filled the room, drowning Wanda’s incessant thoughts out of her mind as she supervised and made most of the dinner, letting the boys do simple tasks such as washing the vegetables and eventually trusting them to chop them, keeping her eyes on Tommy specifically though as he easily got distracted, the older woman not wanting him to accidentally hurt himself. It was almost as though all the emotions that were weighing her down were about to be forgotten, her boy’s making things more bearable, reminding her to enjoy the moment with them whilst a genuine smile stretched across her lips as the twins glanced up at her with a sheepish look, having knocked something off the countertop. Flour sprinkled across the floor at their mistake, simply earning a raised eyebrow from Wanda, their mother not even needing words to tell the twins it was their responsibility to clean the mess up when the sound of Vision’s laughter started echoing through to the kitchen, bringing a frown to Wanda’s face as well as the twins, the two of them looking up at her expectantly.

“Keep your eyes on the timer for me please,” she murmurs to the boys who had started to grab something to clean the floor with, their faces pulling into a brief confused look, “Shout me when there’s two minutes left, I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”

Once the two of them nodded, she made her way into the living room to find their father, a sudden blinding rage consuming at the sight of him laid back in the armchair chatting on his phone, his smile wide as he chuckled to the person on the other end of the call, seemingly unaware of how selfish his actions were.

“God Tony, you should have seen the way Banner’s face dropped when I told him he inputted the numbers wrong,” Vision huffed out, amused at what had happened at work, his blue eyes flickering over at the movement in the corner of his eyes, drifting up Wanda’s body before meeting her green and the unimpressed and irritated look in them, a sigh escaping him which only amplified the annoyance building in her. “I’ll call you back Tony,” he muttered, having enough decency to end his conversation after meeting the look in his wife’s eyes.

“How was your work call?” Wanda coldly asked, her arms crossing over her chest as her head tilted slightly, looking down on the man who simply moved his hand to his temple, contemplating his answers as he let out a huff.

“Wanda, I’ve had a long week let’s not-” He tries, as he always does, but Wanda refuses to accept his blatant excuses, cutting him off.

“You have a ‘long week’ every week,” she dismisses, unbothered if she came across as careless or inconsiderate as she had finally had enough of his bullshit, needing to call him out and let it sit with him. “The boys were so excited to actually spend some time with you earlier, to play with their father but let me guess, talking to Tony and others was more important to you?” She states rather bluntly, his fingers moving to the bridge of his nose as he reluctantly listens to her. “Do you have any idea how much it upsets them?” Wanda asks, this time with a softer tone, trying to express the sadness it causes in their children at his constant false promises.

“Does it upset them? Or are they just upset that they haven’t gone over to Y/n’s house instead?” He questions, taking Wanda aback at the mention of you, all the thoughts from earlier flooding through her mind along with a new trail of thoughts at the annoyance in his tone. “Why can’t they just go over to her house? It’s better for everyone, they can have fun with her and I can have some quiet for once,” he mutters, earning a scoff from Wanda, her head shaking as she bites on her tongue, not wanting to start a screaming match with him tonight.

How did it ever come to this?

Before she can say a snarky remark or a bitter comment, they both hear Billy come into the living room to find Wanda, a confused and worried look appearing in his eyes making Wanda’s heart clench, her body instantly moving to comfort the boy, giving him a reassuring look before ushering him back into the kitchen, turning back to face her husband one last time, letting her thoughts clear before saying one last thing to him.

“Don’t be surprised at what happens next,” is all she says, defeated as she stares at him, trying to remember how part of her did love him at one point, only briefly as her heart only ever truly belonged to you before she turns away from him, making her way towards where her boys were, fingers finding her phone in her pocket, needing to search through her contacts for an old friend, ready to make her decision final.

It was over between them.

***

Grabbing the essentials for Lucky, you tossed the bag full of the necessities into the back of your truck, chuckling under your breath at the sight of the bundle of fluff sitting next to your feet, eager to come with you on your small journey as his tail wagged, tongue comically hanging out of his mouth.

The sun made his golden fur appear all the more angelic and adorable as you whistled for him to jump into the front seat of the vehicle, the window rolled down all the way as you quickly ran back up to check the front door was securely locked, ready to drive over to the lake to clear your mind from the thoughts that had been gnawing away at you over the last few days specifically.

You were just about to climb into the driver’s seat when you heard your name called by a familiar yet unfamiliar voice, a baffled look appearing on your face as you turned around to face the female voice, recognition appearing on your face along with confusion.

“Jen?” You eventually managed out as you stood by your car in a puzzled manner, a sense of happiness filling you at seeing an old friend from school, remembering all the crazy and entertaining science lessons the two of you shared next to each other, briefly remembering the way you nearly set part of the science lab on fire accidentally. It was still her fault in your opinion, but you weren't going to bring that up now after so many years.

“Y/n? Oh my god it really is you,” Jennifer Walter chuckled out as she approached you, walking over from Wanda’s house which you immediately noticed, not mentioning it though as you decided it wasn’t your business, despite how much it intrigued you.

“Yeah, wow it’s been a long time,” you sigh out, a little unsure of what to say as it was so surprising to see her, “What are you doing here? Wait, no, sorry, how are you first?” Your politeness earnt a smile in response as you leaned against your truck to talk to her casually, Lucky moving over to the driver’s seat and poking his head out near yours, further amusing you both.

“Good, I’ve just finished talking to Wanda about a…work thing,” she started, piquing your interest as you acted as though the words didn’t affect you that much, “So I’m currently back on business.” You nodded along to her words, listening attentively, “I need to go and check in to the hotel now though so is there any chance we could meet up another time and catch up?” Her tone was a little flustered as she looked at her watch, realising the time making you chuckle as she always seemed to be so busy, a look of concentration etched onto her face as she worked out her timings for her plans, running a little behind.

“Yeah, that’d be lovely, you still have my number right? Just message me and we’ll sort something out,” you reply, watching as she smiles gratefully at you, taking a step back as she needed to be leaving, having a work call to take at her hotel.

“Perfect! It was really nice to see you again,” She rushes out before ushering a quick goodbye at the sight of her taxi pulling up, your hand raising to wave her goodbye as you turn to get into your truck, now ready to leave to venture to the lake. Before you left though, you couldn’t help but let your gaze wander over to the Maximoff house, trying to wrack your brain as to what career Jennifer would likely have gone into and figure out what they were doing, a strange, undecipherable feeling wrapping around your heart tightly. Shaking your head slightly, you tried to rid the thoughts from your mind, deciding you needed to stop thinking about her to move on, your mind focussing on reversing out of the drive and the adorable look on Lucky’s face.

***

The gentle sound of paws on the wooden surface of the dock caught your attention as you stared ahead at the vast stretch of water, the way the soft blue from the sky reflected delicately in each ripple of the lake, the gentle hues of green from surrounding bushes also adding to the picturesque setting you relaxed in, Lucky joining your side. Water dripped from his darkened fur, the golden tufts on his chin soaking wet as he held the tennis ball in his mouth next to you, tail wagging with enthusiasm as he impatiently waited for you to throw it again, his calm but also joyful demeanour always comforting to you.

With a smile on your face, you pushed yourself up onto your feet to throw the ball properly for the dog, taking the soaking ball and using all your strength to toss it as far into the lake as you could, watching as he leapt off the dock and splashed into the water, paddling over to chase the desired item.

Flopping back down onto the wood, you let your eyes flutter shut, trying to listen to the peaceful atmosphere and the world of nature around you, birds occasionally chirping, the splashing from Lucky, and the wind gently rustling the bushes around you to distract your thoughts but it was inevitable that enticing green would consume your mind.

Everything simply hurt. You felt broken once again, your heart felt as though it was bleeding anguish into your veins with everything you did, every choice you made as it never seemed to be the right one, it always ended up in pain and suffering that somehow seemed to have layers, finding new ways to torment you.

There was the initial pain from that night which plagued your mind, an incomprehensible amount of guilt flooding through you for destroying you both in ways you couldn’t describe, for being scared. You tried to justify your reasons, to convince yourself that you were protecting yourself for once, for trying to do something that would help you rather than others as you never seemed to care enough about yourself, a flaw that always came back to terrorise you. You were tired of always being the fool, the one who always ended up being broken or knocked down, so you tried to spare yourself the misery but it seemed that no matter what you would end up suffering, life forever playing a cruel joke on you.

You hated how pain also bloomed slowly, like a rose unfolding its petals, taking over your consciousness one thorn at a time as other agonising thoughts pestered you, making you question everything. You resented the guilt for hurting her, for supposedly being there to comfort her and making things worse, for avoiding her and leaving her to imagine the worst like you did when you returned. You loathed how yet, after everything, you still had hope for something, anything with her.

An annoyed sigh spilt from your lips as your hands moved to your eyes, anxiety trickling down your spine at your stupidity as your thoughts wandered down the wrong path, unable to stop yourself. That was your issue when it involved Wanda, no matter what you couldn’t stop your love for her, it was inescapable, you couldn’t get away from the memory of you both leaning in, her eyes conveying something different, something more. It was a look you had wanted to see every time she was with you, every time you spent intimately together in your truck, on this very dock, in the lake swimming with each other and pulling one another closer, it was all you ever wanted, to be looked at with love, and you threw it all away because your heart was too weak.

No, you didn’t throw anything away, there was nothing there. You had to believe this, believe that there was no chance of anything as you couldn’t carry on living like this, tortured by love for eternity. You were wrong, you had to be, you had to move on, that’s why you pulled back. It was the right thing to do, even if it hurt her, the two of you had to stop whatever this was between you, you had to let go.

Tears pricked in the corner of your eyes as you desperately tried to build the courage up once again to let her go, to spend the time restitching your heart together at the gaping wound that would be left there, but you struggled to do so, drained from all the conflicting and confusing thoughts that had gnawed away at your sanity already.

Why couldn’t it just stop?

Almost on cue to save you from your inner turmoil, Lucky reappeared at your side with the tennis ball, the item plopping to the wood and rolling towards you as the dog panted, almost smiling at you and oblivious to how much comfort he provided you with, your fingers threading through his wet fur. You were just about to murmur something to the dog playfully, a weak smile growing on your lips as your thoughts still pressed heavily on your mind, when a sudden bark left his lips, his head snapping over to the side, causing your eyes to follow his alert gaze.

Nerves instantly consumed your body at the sight of a familiar figure at the end of the path, Wanda’s face twisting into shock and confusion whilst her body halted, a tension immediately filling the air as you both held the gaze, unsure of what to do.

Wanda had only come here to clear her mind after speaking to Jennifer regarding her situation with Vision, usually coming up to the Lake to either remember the happy memories that filled her mind and warmed her heart of your time together or to simply lose herself in the tranquillity of nature, not wanting to think. She didn’t expect to see you or that conflicted look engraved on her face that pulled on the strings of her heart, her face softening as neither of you wanted to make the first move.

When it became too much, your eyes getting lost in the swirls of green you’d forever remember, you turned your head away rather abruptly to break the gaze, moving your hand to cover your face for a moment, desperately trying to gather yourself together.

What was she doing here? You couldn’t take it. You didn’t want to end up getting hurt again, to feel your heart break anymore. You wouldn’t survive. You needed to get out of there.

Pushing yourself to your feet a little unsteadily, your fingers twitched subconsciously by your side as you felt anxiety and panic clawing its way up your throat in a manner you hated, your mind filling with claustrophobic thoughts as you called for Lucky to follow you, wanting to escape. You felt vulnerable under her gaze like this, something you struggled with as this was why you constantly cared for others more than yourself, you couldn’t face your own feelings, you couldn’t face reality and truly let the sorrows of your life sink in, pulling you under.

At the distress on your face, Wanda wanted to comfort you, to pull you into her arms and let the warmth of your connection settle you both but she knew that wasn’t the right thing to do, her own heart splitting into two as she couldn’t decide what to do. This was her chance, her chance to tell you everything, to confess, but the look on your face implied that you couldn’t handle it, your body gradually getting closer to hers, to pass her by, to leave her alone again. It was in the brief eye contact that you made as you somehow managed to keep moving without breaking down that Wanda saw a glint of something in your eyes, dread consuming her at the broken expression on your face as you looked at her, conveying without words that this would be the last time you saw her. It flooded memories of the day you left her the first time, that same glimmer appearing in your eyes making Wanda react, her hand reaching out for yours, not quite letting you let go just yet.

“Y/n wait, please,” she pleaded, desperation dripping from her shaky tone, the feeling of her finger tips wrapping around your arm sending sparks through your body, almost making you gasp at the intensity of it. “Please can we talk?” She tries, but all you can do is stare at where she holds you, another memory flooding your mind.

“Wanda wait,” you rush out as the other woman walks towards the end of the dock, ready to get into your truck for you to take her home, the stars shining bright above you both, the moon reflecting off the lake. The two of you had spent all day together, getting lost in the moment, unable to stop laughing and feel that gentle warmth envelope your chest in that tender manner every time you locked eyes, a nervousness building in you for the whole day as you planned to confess everything to her. 

Your hand reached out to hers, gently grasping her wrist, halting her and encouraging her to turn around to face you, her green filled with confusion but also curiosity, her smile casual and affectionate as you search for words.

“I…You make me feel…um,” you stammer out, unsure of how to phrase it as the countless scenarios that played in your head started to merge together, causing you to feel lost as you tried to navigate your heart, gazing into her eyes and letting her soothe you, taking a deep breath. Her brows furrow at your words, the gentle glow of the moon illuminating her features, giving her this angelic and radiant look as you lost yourself in her beauty, awestruck by her and unable to form any words. Instead of stumbling over your words again, you try a different approach, slowly moving your hand up to her face to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, a blush forming on her cheeks as she hesitates, your movements slowing as you gauge her reaction.

When she doesn’t pull away or give you any indication to stop, you step closer to her, giving her all the time she needed to tell you to stop, to not cross that line but she doesn’t, letting you lean in closer to her till your lips ghost one another, needing that last little bit of encouragement to kiss her for the first time.

If only you had known that kiss meant something different to her.

“I can’t,” is all you can croak out, voice raw with emotion and it shocked Wanda to see you so vulnerable, usually able to be the more composed one out of the two of you, signalling to her how heartbroken you truly were, her green expressing the guilt and regret filling her for being part of your pain. “It’s just going to hurt me, I-I can’t take it anymore,” you continue, regrettably meeting her gaze and conveying all of your emotions in a single look, almost stealing Wanda’s breath away at the intensity of it.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispers, voice delicate but wavering at the emotions flooding through her, her mouth opening and closing as she hesitates, trying to read your expression as you simply gaze at her. “I don’t,” she reiterates, trying to reassure you as you pull your hand away from her, teetering on the edge of making the decision to walk away, to leave her in the past for good. “I just…” she starts, trailing off as she lets her gaze flicker down to how your feet shuffle slightly, seeming to want to move, prompting her to confess, needing to tell you at least once, even if it was too late. “I love you.”

The world around you faded away instantly at her words, leaving you to focus solely on her, the way hope but also desperation filled her features, an anxious look glimmering in them as she waited to you react but you couldn’t, you just froze to the spot, unable to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions that crashed through you, clouding your judgement.

You were supposed to be walking away from her, letting her go and moving on. You were supposed to be accepting that it was over, not letting yourself cling onto false hope, to let yourself believe again. It hadn’t ended well before, who’s to say it would work this time? Yet you still couldn’t will yourself to leave, unable to resist her as you had craved to hear those words spill from her lips for most of your life, the words replaying in your mind like a drug.

“I love you, I always have,” Wanda continues, sensing your confliction as you still, eyes flickering away from her momentarily before back to her green, looking for the honesty and sincerity lacing each delicate swirl you fell for in the first place, “I’m sorry it took me so long to say. I…I was just scared to say it, to admit it to myself that I was but I can’t keep pretending that you don’t mean everything to me. It’s always been you, I’m sorry for never seeing that.”

At her confession, you think your heart has actually physically split into two, a broken sigh escaping you as the overwhelming feelings crash down on you like a tidal wave, sweeping you under and submerging you into despair and desperation, confused about everything that was happening inside your chest and head.

Love and happiness consumed part of you, wrapping tenderly around your heart that pounded in your chest, trying to soothe you as the words gradually settled in your mind, sinking in and amplifying the hope that was building within you at every second that passed by. Your eyes held her nervous gaze, meeting the honesty, care and affection that overflowed from her green, desperately trying to convey every single ounce of love she had for you, a love that defies descriptions at how intense it was. She loved you, it was something you had waited over a decade to hear, to ring around in your head as relief tried to bloom through you, to console you and help a smile stretch across your lips but a shadow of fear crept over your mind, clouding your judgement momentarily.

Doubts picked away at every single thought you had, over analysing her words as fear ran down your spine uncomfortably, briefly appearing in your eyes making the other woman’s brows furrow, confused as to how hope swiftly diminished in your gaze, turning to something more haunting. How did you know she was telling the truth? That she wouldn’t run away as soon as those thoughts came back to terrorise her, to destroy her. You didn’t want to be something disposable again, you wanted to be the person she came home to, the person who made her feel as though the world would fade away whilst you were together, to make happiness flood through with merely a glance, you wanted to be her lover.

At your silence, dread starts to amplify the uneasy feeling in Wanda as she pressingly tries to figure out your thoughts, to untangle the onslaught of emotions flashing across your features.

“Please say something,” she begs, the fear in her voice evident as she desperately hopes that you would say something, anything to her. She didn’t care if you screamed at her, broke her heart again and confirmed that she was too late, she just wanted something, the lack of response somehow worse than anything else.

“How…How do I know you aren’t going to change your mind?” Eventually, the words leave your lips, tone hesitant and broken as you want her to answer you honestly, needing her response to help you make your final decision of whether you were going to leave. You were giving her one last chance, unable to deny her as always.

“I won’t,” she replies without hesitation, getting her determination and point across as she reaches her hand out for yours subconsciously, wanting to assure you she meant everything she was saying, the words coming from the deepest parts of her. “I’m never going to make that mistake again,” she continues, searching your gaze as you listen attentively. “I’m.. I’m divorcing Vision,” she sighs out, your eyes widening momentarily, the words filling you with a sudden hope, part of you actually believing that this could be the moment where you finally click, your feelings not clashing but finally becoming in tune with one another. “I never wanted to be with him, I just thought it’s what I had to do, what everyone wanted from me,” she whispers out, finally getting it off her chest, causing your features to soften as you knew how far her internalised homophobia festered, so hearing her actually say the words ignited something in you, the fear dissipating from your veins. She’d finally admitted it.

“Do you remember Jennifer Walter?” She asks, wanting to give you proof that her decision was made, that she wasn’t going to turn her back on you anymore. At her words, your brows instantly furrow, confused as to why she had named your old friend, letting her continue as you manage to nod in response, “She’s a lawyer now, she’s helping me get the divorce started,” the words making the earlier meeting with Jennifer make sense, realisation etched onto your features as green continue to gaze at you, one of her hands sliding into yours, the touch electric as both of you seem to instantly relax a little at the contact, warmth spreading through your hands.

“That’s why she was at your house,” you murmur out to simply voice your thoughts, the pads of your fingers brushing one another tenderly, the feeling natural despite how long it had been, your gaze flickering down to the sight, savouring the peace it brought you before lifting your gaze back up to see her nod her head. The confirmation seems to trigger something in you, the fact she was actually changing, actively trying to become the person she had always wanted to be, brewed something deep inside you, easing your nerves slightly which was mirrored in the way you searched her green. The fact you don’t reject her touches gives Wanda hope along with the glint in your eyes, the nerves seeming to settle as an intimate atmosphere wraps around the two of you like an embrace, twelve years of longing expressed in simple looks.

“I know I don’t deserve it but please give me one last chance,” she pleads, your fingers interlocking, mirroring how your souls seemed to entwine, a small sigh leaving you after, despite all the thoughts begging you to leave, you knew you were still going to follow your heart. It always belonged to her. “I want to try properly this time, I want to make this work. I want us to work,” she murmurs and you can feel yourself being freed from most of your insecurities and the fear holding you back, a soft smile gradually stretching across your lips as relief consumes you entirely.

“Promise me you wont hurt me again,” you whisper softly, lifting your free hand to cup her cheek, her eyes glossing over in consolation as she melts into your touch, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.

“I promise, I never wanted to hurt you, I just… It took me too long to realise you were all I ever wanted, the only person I wanted to love,” Wanda confesses, cherishing the way your hand feels against her skin, the sheer amount of comfort it provided to you both, the warmth that flooded through you both at the electric touch, the fact that such a simple action could arise such emotions stirring something in her. This was all she ever wanted, to feel loved, to feel loved by you again. “I want to make up for everything, to love you the way I've always dreamed of loving you. Please tell me I’m not too late.”

“You certainly took your time,” you whispered in a slight tease, attempting to ease the moment as it was emotionally intense, a small chuckle escaping her, making you remember how much you had missed that noise as it blessed your ears, your finger delicately brushing over her red tinted cheek, admiring the woman. “My heart has always been yours Wanda, I’ve never stopped loving you,” you confess in an intimate murmur, a sudden happiness enveloping you as you smile at her, realising that finally you had both confessed your feelings, the yearning you had both endured building up for this exact moment, clouding your mind with the thought of her.

Your eyes flickered down to her lips, her eyes mimicking the action and gazing longingly at yours, the feeling of your fingers caressing her skin intoxicating, the way your gaze flicker up to have one last intimate gaze addictive, you couldn’t get enough of each other. Without even realising it, the two of you leaned in closer, your head tilting marginally as your lips ghost hers, ready to slot over them and let years of passion consume you both, memories of the many kisses you had shared filtering through your mind as you try to savour the moment.

Inevitably, your lips met into a tender, loving and passionate kiss, the action saying more than a thousand words but most importantly the three that mattered- I love you. It was breath taking, the intimacy of the kiss as your lips pressed against once another, igniting sparks within each other as the melody of your love played a song of tenderness and affection in your hearts, letting peace wash over you both. It was a kiss that felt like more than simply mending your broken bond, an embrace that healed and reconciled the two of you, it was the start of something new, something to base a new relationship off and cherish as you looked to the future, wanting to tackle it together.

“I love you,” Wanda whispered against your lips at the two of you parted, foreheads leaning against each other as you felt her gentle breaths tickle your face, your eyes fluttered shut as you took in everything you could about the moment, her hand in yours, body pressed against you, lips brushing yours as she uttered the words that filled your mind.

“Say it again,” you sigh out, wanting to and needing to hear her say it again, and again, and again as you were addicted to the sound of those words spilling from her lips, almost as much as you were intoxicated by the way her lips perfectly met yours.

“I. Love. You,” she punctuated every word with a kiss that somehow was filled with more care, more affection as she continued to pour everything she felt towards you into the intimate moment, drowning you both in happiness as your souls intertwined, your bodied forever pulled to one another. “It’s always been you, only you,” Wanda murmurs as you both pull back once more, your eyes gently fluttering open to meet her enticing gaze, the shades of green almost making you fall for her all over again.

Smiles tugged at both of your lips as you lost yourselves in each other, your features softening before you press a kiss to her forehead, letting everything finally sink in your mind whilst you embraced like lovers.

You knew that your love wasn’t easy, it hadn't been so far and there were bound to be times when it was rough again, but it was a battle you were ready to fight for, even if it was against the world. Distance, time and the fears you both shared had already halted your story together but you fought bravely, tirelessly for it because you knew that your love was worth every struggle.

It always would be.

She always would be.

—

I want to apologise once more for the delay in getting this chapter out but I hope it was worth it as they finally got their happy ending <3 

I hope you have enjoyed their story as much as I have and I really hope this ending was alright for everyone as I really struggled with it (both planning and writing)

I want to thank you all for your support on this fic and my others as I can’t express how much you all mean to me, especially this year as it has personally been so difficult for me. I will forever be grateful to you all and I hope you know it!

This is sadly the end of the official story but my plan is to write an epilogue style final chapter which would involve smut (as I know that’s what most people want) but it’s up to you guys on which you’d rather it be!

1- A smut chapter of their first time after getting back together.

2- A smut chapter a few months after Wanda has finally divorced Vision and the Reader and Wanda both live together now (I’ll send the twins to Pietro’s don’t worry)

Please leave any thoughts/comments/votes <3

Ao3- LoveIsAnImaginaryDagger

Wattpad- LovePersevering2

Tumblr- LoveIsAnImaginaryDagger3000

[i-lavabean]

WIP to bring a little seratonin to our lives

I’ll update it when I’m done

Link to the finished one!

https://www.tumblr.com/i-lavabean/766540401643552768/done-animating-this-made-me-happy-guerrillagames?source=share

[charger-lens]

[quiche-draws]

Late Happy New Year sketch from yours truly because I was out with family that whole holiday 😁

May everyone have a blessed 2025!! Happy New Year!

Please do not repost! Reblog only!

[ryoalouette]

Machi's Idea #4

The JL can't understand what's wrong. They did their best effort to honor the king of dead and celebrate accordingly with the most strict protocol. Yet the king seems equally dull and annoyed. The JLD knows what's going on but they decided to say nothing in the hopes that this would teach the JL a lesson. Jason tried to explain the situation but none of the "adults" (aka Batman) listened to him so he decided to get his point across by getting into a fist fight with the king. One hour later they are kissing and Jason is explaining to the JL that ghost bond through fighting.

[duhdumb89]

A Forbidden Happiness | Chapter 53

The pajamas were finished.

Jiayi had haggled with gugu at the clothing house to get a nice piece of black brocade to edge the pants and the sleeves. It was easier than she thought to sew them in place. The fabric was a bit thicker and fiddly, but she got it together. It was a very handsome set, in her opinion. Prince Han would be more than happy with it.

There was nothing more to it.

Fung gonggong was buried and Bai gonggong  had been executed.

The sun rose and set.

The birds sang.

The Forbidden City moved on, and Jiayi moved with it.

Like a New Year's firecracker, the feelings that had exploded with the news of Fung gonggong's death had turned to dust and ash. In the end, there was no guilt, sadness, or even relief. There was nothing.

Around her, the world was unchanged. Behind the double doors, Xiang pin was taking her afternoon nap. She could hear the murmur of a few other servants out in the courtyard, sweeping and chatting. Molan and Pie'er were embroidering quietly on the other side of the table, and Ping'er was dozing quietly on the ground by the bedroom doors, Thunder snuffling in her lap.

Smoothing the silky clothes, Jiayi folded the pajamas and tucked them into the basket on her lap. The reality of it slithered around in Jiayi's mind. How much blood had she spilled to live this simple life? How much more would it take to keep it?

And why did the idea of it not horrify her more?

Before she could answer the question, Thunder erupted into furious barks. He leaped from Ping'er's lap and trotted to the front door.

"Ah! Sixth Prince is back for lunch," said Molan.

Jiayi rushed to pick up Thunder, hoping she would quiet down and not disturb Xiang pin.

"Hush, you!" Jiayi said.

In all her defiance, Thunder continued to bark, only settling down when Sixth Prince stepped through the door.

"I'm starving," he whined, "I want hotpot for lunch,"

Jiayi guided him to the recently vacated table where Molan had already left a basin of water and a cloth for Sixth Prince to wash up.

"I apologize, Sixth Prince. Xiang pin said you've had hotpot too many times this week. Would you like some fish instead? Or dumplings? I can call for a nice spread,"

Sixth Prince huffed and scrubbed his face and hands. He leaned back to peer at Xiang pin's closed bedroom door.

"Just go get it for me," he whispered, "A-niang is napping. She wouldn't even know!"

"I absolutely would,"

Xiang pin's slightly sleepy voice cut through the room. Ping'er hurried to slide the doors open for their mistress.

Sixth Prince froze as his cheeks blushed red, "A-niang! You're awake!"

Xiang pin took a seat next to Sixth Prince and shared the basin and cloth to freshen up, "The only way I could sleep through Thunder's barking is if I was dead,"

Always happy to be included, Thunder shrieked and wiggled her way out of Jiayi's arms to paw at Xiang pin's feet.

Xiang pin clicked her tongue, "Who do you think you are trying to turn my girls against me? You've eaten so much hotpot this week there's bone broth coming out of your ears!"

Sixth Prince moaned in annoyance, nearly toppling off his chair with how far he leaned back.

"Little brat," Xiang pin hissed as she pinched his cheeks, "All you eat is lamb hotpot anyways! You'll become just as fat as Thunder with the way you're going,"

Sixth Prince shrugged, "I think I'd look good fat. And if lamb's the problem, let's do shrimp hotpot!"

When Thunder barked enthusiastically, Sixth Prince hoisted her into his arms, "See? Thunder wants hotpot, too,"

"Thunder would eat her tail if she could," Xiang pin groused, "She's just one big roll!"

The room erupted into laughter.

"Your Highness," Jiayi said once she had conquered her giggles, "How about braised chicken and vegetables? And then we can save the hotpot for a special occasion,"

"Like Prince Han's birthday!" Said Ping'er.

Xiang pin clapped her hands, "Yes! Be a good boy and wait for Prince Han's banquet,"

"That's so far away!" He protested.

"It gives you more time to think of a present," Xiang pin said with a shrug. She nodded at Bolin, "Go fetch lunch. Braised chicken and vegetables,"

Sixth Prince groaned, "I'll starve!"

"I'd hope so! Aiyo, every time I turn my head, you're sprouting another inch. If I send for another set of clothes for you, the embroidery maids will riot. No! Eat your chicken and starve,"

As Sixth Prince began to quibble with Xiang pin, the room came back to life with noise and color. The floors squeaked as the servants went to and fro to finish their tasks and chatter flowed around them like water.

This is why Fung gonggong's end bothered her so little. How could it not be worth it when this is what it got her? All the strife and worry faded to nothingness as she watched their little lives play out before her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to live out the rest of her days like this. After doing so much to have it, why wouldn't she fight to keep it?

✺

The characters on the document on the desk were beginning to blur in front of The Emperor's eyes.

"Your Majesty,"

The Emperor blinked to clear the fuzziness from his sight. Zhang Wei was standing opposite the desk, holding a covered tray.

"From Shen huang gui fei," the eunuch continued.

The Emperor fought back a sigh. He was in no mood but gave a nod.

Zhang Wei placed the tray on a nearby table, lifted the cover and presented the golden plate to The Emperor.

"Bai tang gao*, Your Majesty,"

The Emperor stared at the glistening white, diamond shaped cakes topped with pale pink camellia buds.

"Shen huang gui fei is also asking if you plan to visit Zhongcuigong tonight,"

He then understood the motive behind her gift.

The Emperor shook his head, "Faithfulness and longevity," he said with a laugh.

Taking a bite of a cake, he shook his head again. Too sweet. There was always a misstep with Shen huang gui fei these days. The flower was a poor choice as well. Bai gonggong's investigation was thorough–her actions made it clear who she was faithful to. Not to his legal wife and, therefore, not to him. How could she claim such a thing after her small-mindedness ended with the murder of his father's most beloved eunuch?

He knew that as a concubine, there would always be bitterness in Shen huang gui fei's heart, but she was becoming unruly. The Emperor had spent many years pampering her and promoted her to a status that someone from her family background rarely had. She had privileges and a lifestyle that women worldwide would kill to have.

And this is how she decided to behave.

He washed the cloying taste of sugar from his mouth with a mouthful of tea. There wouldn't be a point in scolding her. Shen huang gui fei would deny, argue, and find someone else to blame. There was no chance for punishment either. The news of it would be a blight on Huabao and her marriage. It would sour his relationship with the Fuca clan if they thought they were given the daughter of a criminal.

In any case, the Gods had taken care of her retribution in his stead. As much good fate as The Emperor had, it didn't always trickle down to his children. If Shen huang gui fei were smart, she would take Yiru contracting the cough right before Bai gonggong's crime as a sign to stop her nonsense. Unfortunately, The Emperor wasn't sure Shen huang gui fei was up to the task.

He pushed the plate to the side and returned to his work.

"I'll stay here," he said.

There was nothing but the sound of flipping pages and the song of the crickets outside until Zhang Wei interrupted him, again.

"Another gift for you, Your Majesty,"

The Emperor didn't look up from his work, "Put it on the side table,"

"I'm not sure she'll fit, Your Majesty,"

"Send her away. She can come back in the morning,"

"Are you sure you don't want to see me now, Your Majesty?"

The voice that came through the door quenched a thirst that The Emperor didn't know he had. It was familiar. He yearned for it daily.

"Your Majesty," the voice sang sweetly again, "Don't you want to see me?"

The Emperor heard the doors swing open, and the soft hush of dainty footsteps grow louder. It was like a Tang dynasty goddess glided into the room wrapped in yellow and gold silks. Even with her face covered with a round fan, The Emperor knew who she was.

"This concubine wishes The Emperor peace,"

"Lower your fan," he said.

"Why should I?" The Goddess said, shaking her gilded mountain hair**, "You wanted to send me away,"

The Emperor laughed and went to help Huifen off the ground. As she came to her feet, she tilted the fan, revealing the face of a bygone beauty that he had only ever seen in a 9th-century scroll. A glittering, lotus shaped huadian† brought out the charming red she had powdered her face and lips with.

"I've never seen this costume before," he said.

Huifen giggled and spun around, and the stamped shawl around her arms fluttered in the wind, "I thought after seeing so many Qing dynasty beauties that a Tang dynasty darling would be more exciting,"

Yes, watching Huifen's milky breasts dance under her blouse and skirt was far more exciting than ruminating over Shen huang gui fei's blunders.

The Emperor tugged her into his arms, inhaling the soft scent of the rose powder Huifen tended to dust her neck with.

"You like this sort of dress? I'll have an entire wardrobe made up for you and just you,"

The Emperor would strip every other woman in the palace naked and clothe Huifen in pearls and jade if she only asked.

But she would never ask.

Whenever he went to play outside the palace walls and found himself in a brothel, there was a game he liked to play. He'd dress like a wealthy nobleman, giving out silver taels like they grew on trees. Each time, a cunning girl would latch onto him, declaring her love and devotion, aiming to be his kept woman or, better yet, his concubine. When he was sure the girl had already planned how to decorate her courtyard, he would tearfully confess the "truth" of the money being stolen or borrowed or some rubbish. The look on their faces...so typical.

The truth he rustled up for Huifen, had been, in his opinion, the best lie yet. He was a disgraced merchant who lost most of his money on bad investments. He came to spend what little he had left at the brothel and when his pockets were empty, he was going to kill himself.

Instead of the screaming, crying tantrums his confessions usually incited, Huifen had laughed! Not only did she laugh, but she also asked him how he planned to die. Wrong footed, he blurted out that he aimed to poison himself. Huifen then said that if he gave her what was left of his money and let her sell his fine clothes, she'd have them use the best wine for his last drink and play a lovely song on the guzheng for him to leave to.

A soft, sweet-scented hand pulled him from his memories. Huifen stared up at him, her painted eyebrows furrowed.

"You look so tired, Your Majesty," she said as she stroked his beard, "Shall Zhang Wei and I ready you for bed?"

The Emperor sighed, "If I only I could be so lucky to slip into bed with you, but there is always work to be done,"

Huifen pouted, the strangely dark stain on her lips glistening, "I suppose I'll have to spend my night with the thought of you, Your Majesty. I shouldn't keep you from your work,"

The Emperor tightened his hands around her slender waist, "You are the strangest concubine. I lament over the hard work I have left and you don't even offer to keep me company. Huifen, do you even love me?"

Huifen rolled her eyes, "Aiya, I love you very much, but all the love in the world can't make watching you read military strategy or whatever it is interesting. I'm a woman, Your Majesty, not a God,"

"You're a brat!" he replied.

Huifen gasped, "Your Majesty! How could you?!"

She dramatically pulled herself from his arms. "I came all this way to dazzle you with this costume, and you treat me so poorly. Ah! I'm going back to Chengqiangong to cry in my jiejie's arms,"

The Emperor laughed at the dramatics of it all. Huifen joined in, coming back to press a quick kiss to his lips.

"Maybe we'll get more use out of this outfit when I serve you tomorrow night, Your Majesty,"

"You're so sure I'll flip your tag?"

Huifen looked up at him from beneath her full and feathered lashes, "Just a guess, Your Majesty. I'll take my leave,"

One of his life's ultimate cruelties was watching Huifen leave. At least he could comfort himself with the thought of spending the night with her soon. Returning to his desk, The Emperor caught sight of Shen huang gui fei's bai tang go. It almost made him laugh. Had his Noble Imperial Concubine had the opportunity to distract him, she would've jumped at the chance. Nothing was ever enough for her.

He pointed his chin at the cakes, "The little eunuchs can have those,"

"Your Majesty is too kind," Zhang Wei replied, handing them off to another servant.

Yes. He was.

✺

Morning greetings were so dull. Nothing The Empress had to say had anything to do with An pin at all. Very few things kept her interested these days. Her work on Shen huang gui fei was slow going and without an earnest bosom buddy, she mostly spent her days wandering around from garden to garden with her shadow, Wang chang zai. An pin was so bored that she almost contemplated letting her be alone with Cao taiyi.

Only almost.

The explosion of glee that she felt when Yiru had fallen sick had already faded away. Shen huang gui fei didn't much worse for wear so An pin couldn't even take much joy from that. Yiru was holding on from what Cao taiyi was saying, and the other one was still perfectly fine. What was Limei doing in that palace? An pin had given her everything she needed to encourage her to act, and there was still nothing.

How had Shen huang gui fei been able to do this? With just a few perfectly put words, she could convince anyone that what she wanted was what they wanted to do all their life. Her hands never had to get dirty. An pin swallowed a sigh. She hoped that The Empress would run out of things to say soon so she could back to her palace and wallow. 

An pin had just sat, up, waiting for the signal to leave when Lian fei spoke, "Your Highness, I have something to announce. I'm two months pregnant,"

How nice.

"What wonderful news, meimei!" The Empress replied, "The Imperial Hospital confirmed?"

Lian fei nodded.

"It's a shame you won't be able to come to Mulan, but it's lovely to see you finally be blessed with pregnancy. The Empress Dowager will be pleased,"

"Yes," said Shen huang gui fei, "Now that His Majesty's daughters are starting married life, another princess would go perfectly,"

Everyone knew that was as good as cursing the pregnancy but all Lian fei could do was thank her for the well wishes. Judging by the tightness in Shen huang gui fei's jaw, her jiejie wasn't pleased with the news. Not many in the room were. The main hall was stuffed to the brim with the new young girls that Xiang pin had been pawning off to The Emperor, and they were viciously jealous that an old hat had gotten pregnant before any of them.

"Congratulations, meimei," De gui fei said.

That set off an avalanche of well wishes, sincere or not.

"His Majesty will be overjoyed by this," said The Empress, "Prince or Princess, another child so soon after Yiru and Yizhong is a cause for celebration,"

"May I tell him, Your Highness?" Lian fei asked.

Before The Empress could reply, Shen huang gui fei said, "You should bring Xiang meimei with you to make sure His Majesty doesn't miss out on this joyous occasion,"

An pin had to hide her snicker behind her fan. Goodness, Shen huang gui fei had to be fuming to be so blunt. Usually an insult like that would've been wrapped in silk.

Ever the diplomat, The Empress jumped in, "I'm sure Xiang meimei has her plans for the day. Lian fei, why don't we wait at Yianxindian for His Majesty to return from court? You can tell him then,"

"Thank you, Your Highness," Lian fei beamed.

Again, An pin was readying herself to leave when The Empress said, "Shen huang gui fei, it's very kind of you to think of Lian fei, but I think it's best you spent your energy on making sure that Yizhong doesn't follow in his brother's footsteps,"

The air in the room vanished. An pin was baffled. Since when did The Empress speak like that to anyone, let alone Shen huang gui you fei? An pin looked around the room. More than a few mouths were ajar in the face of the callous remark, while many others were eagerly waiting for Shen huang gui fei's response.

She stared at The Empress, her face stony and impassive, before giving a brittle smile.

"Thank you for the reminder, Your Highness,"

"You're so welcome, meimei," said The Empress.

The Empress stood, "Let's hurry along, Lian fei,"

An pin and her fellow concubines kneeled to send her away with respect. When An pin glanced at Shen huang gui fei during the chorus, her lips were shut tight. 

_________ * A type of Chinese pastry made from rice flour and white sugar. ** Tang dynasty noblewoman hairstyle, E Ji † Traditional ornamental forehead makeup

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‘Take Pride in who you are' 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Thankful to GG for giving us this world and this inspiring character! Happy Pride!

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Horizon Forbidden West (2022)

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ITS TIME FOR GHEY

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Happy Holo-ween, Horizon! What do you think they’re watching? 👀💀🎃🦇

Collaboration by @kelsochronicles , @kittleskittle , @nerd-artist , and @chloefraazers!

Full credits:

Background/effects: @kittleskittle , Aloy & Nil: @kittleskittle

Alva, Talanah, Zo: @kelsochronicles

Erend, Petra, Sylens: @nerd-artist

Beta, Kotallo, Varl: @chloefraazers