#a couple friends were on VC with me while i worked on parts of this

[flame-shadow]

Sophie Flower Area

[id in alt]

[defiantscribe]

Thanks again, gang

I think it's time to vent to Tumblr again, because I just can't seem to bring myself to talk about this kind of thing out loud or find someone beyond myself to give as much of a damn about it as I do.

Not that I would expect another to, but that's the rub: I care deeply about trying to find some sort of positive direction in my life, something to work towards, something to be happy or proud of and I just keep finding excuses to not and I'm tired of feeling like I'm the failure of the month, month after month, because I can't find enough motivation to stick with something and run it to the end.

I know that complaining like this will result in nothing, but sometimes it's simply a matter of putting thought to paper (or text) that will allow me to let it go. I have a tendency to hold onto things that shouldn't matter or be a matter of being important, but I can't seem to let them go like it's almost a personal slight.

It's not a personal slight, but it's hard to not take things personally sometimes.

Let me regale you with a small story that recently happened just to illustrate this point.

So I host gaming nights weekly, have been for roughly 4 years now and sometimes the sessions will go long, sometimes the sessions go only a couple of hours. All depends on the vibe, the people playing, lots of factors.

Well, the other evening I had two of my good IRL friends playing and we had a player we'd only known online that we wanted to move away from and just play the 3 of us. So we wrangled a way to do so and we joined a VC and it was just us. I was super happy to hang out and have those two with me, but suddenly I wasn't.

One of my friends has been having some pretty heavy life issues and they started talking with the other friend at great length about their issues.

Now, this is not a problem. I know they needed to get all of that bullshit they're dealing with out and talk about it, I get that, but what sucked was that I was third wheeled HARD. And it wasn't until almost an hour later that one of them even acknowledged that maybe they'd third wheeled me.

Wouldn't have been a major thing, but we were all on cam, so they could see me. They could see me just sitting there, in silence, listening to their conversation with no interjection. I had tried to start a game 10 minutes after we switched, the invite went ignored as the conversation they were having continued.

I eventually gave up on trying to play a game and just kind of did my own thing by watching youtube shorts and other things while they went back and forth. Even got to the point where I considered hard booting my PC and acting like I had a power bump just to get out of the situation because clearly I wasn't a part of this, even though I was the one who initiated and made this happen so I could hang out with my friends.

But then my friends sidebarred me and only saw me after I got up, went to the bathroom and then came back looking all bored. And the best part was even after acknowledging me, they both went to the bathroom themselves, leaving me there by myself…. again.

Now, this just sucked. They both "apologized", but I felt it was half hearted like I should just be accepting of it. And I don't feel that way. I don't feel like I did anything to warrant that treatment, especially since they both know my issues with being shut out like that in the past and having trust issues because of it, but it also dawns on me that perhaps I'm taking this too personally.

And it's troubling because I feel like I was ignored by people that were suppose to be there for me, but my one friend needed someone beyond me to listen to them.

I don't know man, it just sucked and did nothing more than drum up old feelings of "I'm in this alone". I was really trying to move past that in life, I've held on to that mentality for a long long time and it's taken a small force of nature to get me past that type of thinking, but then something like this happens and only seems to confirm that I was right all along.

My friend even said they had nothing to keep them here in our home town and that stung. Like I didn't matter enough to them when I've offered my home to them and it just drove home the feeling of "no one will really be there for you". And I've been struggling with that old, toxic feeling for the past 3 days now and I'm mad.

I'm fucking mad. I hate this feeling. I hate that I'm made to feel like I don't matter that much. Not that it's their responsibility to make me feel any way, but Jesus….. you could at least make me not feel like less than dirt on the ground in your personal opinion. And then I turn around and give justification to their actions, saying I understand their treatment of me in that moment, but I'm getting to the point where I really need to stop that type of thinking because honestly…. that's victim mentality. Finding justification for mistreatment. They were just having a bad day, they didn't mean it, etc. etc.

I've been a sympathizer in that respect for a LONG time, there was a point in my life where I wasn't, but it's gotten to a point where I need to stop accepting that kind of treatment and just deal with the fallout of walking away or snubbing those who would snub me.

I used to be far more aggressive in things like this, but I've gotten soft and decided being a people pleaser was the right path for me. Perhaps I need to not go that route anymore and need to start stomping on feet of those who decide to step out of line and expect me to just roll over and accept it.

Maybe I just need to disappear and re-evaluate what it all means for me and maybe do something else for a change. I mean, I've been doing this for 4 years now and it's almost become expected, not appreciated. Maybe these people need to find something else to do too. I just am tired of feeling like the effort I put forth is expected. Well, it's not. It's what I want to do, not because of you, but because I want to.

It's a sticky situation that needs some evaluation. Time to maybe put what I need to do before I give a fuck about what others want from me. Been a hot minute since I've done that, truthfully.

Just keeps feeling like all the effort, all the work, everything I keep trying just keeps leading back to the same damn conclusion. Wasn't that the definition of insanity? No, that was keep trying the same thing expecting different results. I'm trying different things, but keep getting the same result: Suck eggs, bro.

I don't even like eggs, fuck your eggs.

[keefwho]

April 04 - 2024 Thursday

11:24pm

6.5/10

This morning I showered immediately and got ready to go to the store. Mom drove me to the market in Seeley. I brought my Switch to play but put it down in favor of enjoying the scenery. Shopping went well, I guessed a total of $350 and the cost was $345. The cashiers seemed REALLY gay which was nice. On the drive home we saw a freshly hit deer which was very gross and we drove over it's legs. I didn't get as much freezer stuff because they don't have a great selection of frozen foods. I need mom or one of her coworkers to pick me up chicken from town. And maybe the extra big bags of french fries.

I had meant to stream after settling down after my groceries but I didn't. I did do my finances which I've had to do late due to a late payment from someone. I was also looking into my dental insurance situation and how to pay it, I have to do it before the 12th. I also chopped all my vegetables I just bought so I could freeze them and was hitting up anyone I could to chat while I did it. TK was down at first but she had to get ready to go somewhere instead. DV wasn't responsive. BR was getting ready for work. BD hadn't responded at first but she did in the end and agreed to chill in her server VC while I chopped. I appreciated that a lot, I desperately wanted company during the task. We made basic conversation and a couple of her friends joined. When I was done, I started cooking my chicken stew from the fresh ingredients and switched to my PC. She started screensharing the just chatting section on Twitch and we watched at least half an episode of every popular adult swim show being streamed on different channels. She left to make dinner and I was supposed to work next.

Instead of working I called DV because he's always down to talk about important stuff and I really needed someone to talk to about some things. This proved to be great, I got a lot off my chest and he gives good feedback. He's good about being honest instead of blindly supporting everything I'm saying and telling me what I want to hear. It feels great to be told I'm wrong about something because it means I have something to think about and maybe improve on. He told me about his problems too which I had my own feedback on. We talked for a couple hours before he had to go pick up his sister and I wanted to get into VR. BD said she was feeling meh so I asked if we could chill. I was hoping to get some more deep conversation out of it and that's what happened. In a driving world we started talking about how we feel about relationships and view them very similarly. Like how using the word "love" is a really REALLY big deal and its a red flag when someone uses it so lightly. She also told me about this guy that's been clingy around her. The weird part is that I know I've been like him in the past but maybe not to his degree. Seeing that (and not supporting it) gave me a little bit of perspective on the times I've also been clingy or overbearing. Sort of like I was forced to step back and look at the times I was like that. It's something I sort of hide from because it's uncomfortable to admit that sometimes I behave in a way I don't like for various reasons. It got REALLY awkward when the guy she was talking about joined the world and vaguely told her "we need to talk". My first thought was he had joined and spawned in the back seat where we didn't see him and he listened in. But maybe that didn't happen. He might have just seen that we were hanging out together after she told him she wanted space, making her a liar in his eyes. Apparently their talk went well and he was understanding about the situation so I'm happy for them.

I got off and joined AE and friends while they played No Mans Sky. I was asking them sort of random questions because I was in a good and social mood after processing things with DV. I think they liked me? As in, they seemed receptive to the kind of conversation I was bringing. I was there until DS was in bed.

DS and I talked about our days and she showed me this cool thing she did with all her con badges. Also the stuff she bought for her new rats she's getting this weekend. I greatly enjoyed chatting with her tonight, I was in a great mood. We did our puzzles and caught up on the old ones, she read me a Frankie chapter from the Monster High book, and I continued the KH2 playthrough. It was a good night.

~~~

Today's topic was presence so I tried to keep that in mind while I did things today. It was harder in the morning but in the evening I had some thoughts. Part of presence is the idea that you attend to things as they are in the current moment. It's sort of submitting to whatever the current task or state of things is. Thats something I struggle with because I'm usually thinking of whatever is most important to me in general. But I know to be most effective, different times should be spent on different things. In the evening I employed that by being more attentive to the different people I talked to today. They all had their place in my evening and were beneficial when given the proper focus.

Other than that I feel a bit bad that I ditched any kind of schedule today, I did 0 work.

[cominy-kiwami]

(long ass wall of text describing my dream. this is mainly for me you dont have to read this)

had a dream i was playing a vr zombie game with an mspaint type artstyle reminiscent of baba is you or vibribbon. like it was a black background and solid color kinda rough drawings that looked like sprites in a 3d environment, and the models (which were only used for living entities like the zombies or the demon queen) were ps1 style.

you played as a disgraced scientist who accidentally summoned a demonic presence into this town and there were zombies walking around but that threat was insignificant compared to the evil demon queen who was trying to possess you and others. i was playing multiplayer with my friends and while we mainly were doing tasks separate from each other we were in the vc together. we ended up getting the bad ending in which, there was a young supermarket worker who for whatever reason was the demon queens main target and throughout the campaign he was possessed and rescued a couple times, but this final time she had opened a portal to her domain and was trying to pull the worker in. the resistance was stiff there was a shit ton of zombies and everything, then right at the end she had leaned out of the portal into our realm to grab him, and the two of them were rapidly turning green and sickly and looking like the health inspectors krabby patty, then he was fully pulled into hell, but the other person present was a girl who had personal stake in rescuing the worker cause she liked him, and in a last effort she got him out but his skin stayed the shade the aqua and his jaw was all dislocated and he was holding his arms outward away from his body and then it was implied he was mentally gone and he went on a rampage and undid all the hard work we did throughout the campaign just killing shit up and ruining everything mindlessly like an animal. there was other stuff we could have done to not unlock that ending but this was our first play through so we didn't know about it all.

this game had come out in the early to mid ps3 era and it was hugely influential in the industry, inspiring many parts of many games to come. one kinda innocuous detail i took away from it was that there was a gamemode called "making a long game even longer" where it just adds more tasks you have to do in each chapter, and in my dream that had become a wellknown piece of game terminology and a common mode in games. closest analogue i can think of irl is "dante must die" and how that inspired the hard difficulty names for a handful of things, but this was WAY more ubiquitous.

that was cool. kinda a good game

[borderline-off-fangame]

*inhale* ah boy here we go! Another year of development comes and goes, and we��re on the 7th year.. Man, can’t believe it’s been 7 years since I started this game. My 20′s passed by like so haha.. So, after overhauls, and overhauls, and events that has caused me to not just lose motivation, but burn myself out to the point of avoiding working on my game for a period of time, I finally sat my ass down and reworked the game from scratch. And while I did say that I was going to maybe release the new demo either on the anniversary, or by the end of the year, I surprisingly exceeded my own expectations and finished the demo 1 day before the anniversary. That includes fixing bugs, raging over the missed bugs, raging with my friend over the missed bugs and telling them via vc how to fix them so we can proceed further, changing events, adding/removing stuff.. the pain of a game developer! *pensive* You know.. The good shit that game devs must do to ensure that the game is.. a little bit flawless, and in my case, as bug-free as possible.. unless we have a repeat of the infamous update 2... *shivers* 

Introduction

So, without further ado and without going on a soppy bawling spree about how game development is hard and how drama is fucking annoying, here it is, in all it’s glory! The new version, and essentially the new demo, of Borderline! It took time to re-write the entire thing from scratch, which meant overhauling not just the story, but events and characters, the whole 9 yards just to make it as off-esque as possible, while keeping some originality in it! I did try my best, as this is a passion project that got quite big and I got too attached to it to abandon it like so, but I managed to get help for my game, even if it is a miniscule amount of people who went out their way, and even took their sweet time, to help me progress the game further and get to this final point. Even if it’s still in it’s demo phases, I still managed to get this far.. And I’m glad I did! I got a little bit more serious than I was with Ultimatum, and my writing got a little bit better with years so I can use my own project as a learning experience for future projects.. To get to the point, this is the new, final demo of the new version of the game. I will leave a link to the old version as well, as means of comparison and to showcase how far I have gotten, achieved and lost as a game developer. 

Link to the new game: Here!

Link to the old game: Here!

I have included a couple things here, I didn’t include much without spoiling too much!

The future

Currently the plan as of now is to take a little break from development and try out new things I guess.. I still have to search for a job, wait to get a hard drive for my computer so I can kickstart my tutorial channel, and just.. live a little.. My depression has been beating my ass for the past month, but I’ve been managing I guess. So for now, the game is in a state of hiatus. I will upload patches here and there (with new art and assets and occasional bug fixes and what not), but that would be it for the most part. Doesn’t mean that I am quitting the game, it just means that I need a long break, I’ve hyper focused so much on the game for the past 7 years that my life began to revolve around the game and nothing more.. I’ve been breaking out the mold a little and expanding my horizons, I deserved this break, dammit!!! 

Thanks

I have a lot of people I’d like to thank here. 

@wolftheidioticfan - I remember when you were making Search, you were one of the people that inspired me to kickstart my own game. You one day offered your compositions for my game, and I accepted it. You then offered to help me design some monsters for my game, and from there, I would occasionally ask you for some assistance making puzzles and what not! Over time, we became good friends! I’d like to think you’re a really close friend of mine, and I thank you for taking the time patience to help me with my game and make it flourish!

@chimakiisane - Had you not inserted yourself into my life, or even my game, God knows what my game would end up becoming. You gave me really helpful, constructive feedback, even if you constantly said: “you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to”, but I still took them because I could tell that you wanted my game to succeed! You even offered your help in making really gucci assets for me! And I love it! You were very patient with me despite all the troubles you endured in your life.. Thank you for being that blessing!

@oreo-brain You just suddenly appeared, out of nowhere, drawing that gucci ass fanart that I saw when I was going home in the bus and I tried my best not to make noises when I saw them through my phone!!! And then I gave you a new version of the game to try out and you entered my rabbit hole! mwahahha Ok ok that may have not been intentional, but when I heard you say that my fangame impacted you in a positive way, I smiled a wide smile! You motivated me to work on my game again when I was stuck in a rut, and unexpectedly made progress within a few months! You even took part in testing out my fangame for bugs, and we both raged in the vc the other day when we were doing final testing for the game! You are a blessing in disguise that I needed to kickstart my passion again.

@thejudge​ - I personally did not know you, only through the word of mouth of the people who knew you before your sudden passing, who had said a lot of positive things about you. Your fangame was among the first fangames that I had played, and that made me want to give game development a chance. It took time to learn the basics of the program, but I was stubborn and didn’t give up haha. Thank you for inspiring me and everyone in the community. You are, even after half a decade, missed dearly. I hope to strive to be like you and walk in your footsteps; to be an inspiration to the new-gen developers who want to try game development as well. 

To the people from my own server, and Chii’s server, I thank you for your time and help!

And that’s it.. 

What to expect in the game

I’ll keep this part short, there are still some stuff that needs to be worked on, mostly visual assets like sprites and art, but that’s mostly it. There might be some pieces that are looking weird, but I drew those like a long time ago.. You might notice a major difference in art style from zone 1 to zone 3 where my art changes drastically. a friend of mine offered to remake some pictures so expect that in the near future!

The game starts from the introduction, and goes all the way to the end of Zone 4 for now. There are some things that I have added into the game, some mechanics that you might find useful, or not.. 

-anxiety time

There are people who are anxious about performing time based events (or hate it), so I added an option to expand time in certain parts on these events (not counting events under 1 minute, talking more about events OVER 5 minutes or so), the maximum amount you can add is up to 45 minutes. so let’s say there’s an event in the game with a timer of 15 minutes. depending on your choice, you add to the timer. 15 minutes adds to 30, 30 to 45, 45 to 60. Or you’re lazy, idfc anymore...

-system boxes

*wiggles eyebrows* you heard it here, folks. I added a little thing in the game where you can change your boring system box from one color to the other. there are about.. pfft.. 12-13 colors to choose from, one referencing LISA’s system box, and one OFF system box. I will add more in the future. all you have to do is click around until you find your favorite color.

-sidequests

self-explanatory, there will be events in the game where you can optionally perform a sidequest.. you can earn some exp and some premium items that you might need in the future. 

And that is it for now. Hope you enjoy this experience, if you do find bugs, please do contact me via dms with a screenshot of the bug where you found it!

[sadlysober]

dreammate

Dream x gn!reader Summary: Tommy’s curious to know more about Dream’s personal life and ends up ‘meeting’ his s/o. Warnings: none i think.. lmk if you find any! Just fluff-ish tbh. A/N: hi i uh usually dont write so feedback is more than welcome, feel free to correct me if i made any mistakes! If cc’s are uncomfortable i’ll delete it, but that goes without saying :)

Being a content creator has it’s perks. Such as being able to meet new people, meeting people you admire and enjoyed watching way before you became a streamer yourself. Or the fact that you can just hang out with your friends and the chat and even make some money off of it. You often get invited to hang out with people on Among Us, Rust, Minecraft, you name it. One of the biggest benefits of being a content creator was being a part of the Dream SMP. You were a reacurring character and the chat loved you. Your persona would often show up in fanart, alongside Sapnap’s, George’s, Ranboo’s and the other members. There would often be speculations on you dating one of the guys on the SMP. Funny enough, they never expected it to be Dream.

You had been dating for a month before making it official and are currently nearing the 3 month mark. The two of you decided to keep it quiet for the time being and had only told Sapnap and George.

After a long and fun weekend at his home in Florida, you decided to hang out on his bed, watching some tiktoks or whatnot. Your boyfriend was sitting behind his setup, getting the game started. It wasn’t long until his laughter filled the room. Every couple of minutes he would look over his shoulder to check up on you.

Curiousity got the best of you. What was he laughing about? You opened Twitch, and ofcourse, Clay wasn’t streaming. But Tommy was. You watched as Clay’s character hit Tommy’s, accidentally killing the boy.

“Call child services! Dream has killed a child!” Quackity yelled over VC. Tommy walked back to get his stuff.

“Dream, I am not liking this attitude of yours.” You heard your boyfriend chuckle as he was walking around the map. You looked over at his monitor as Tommy’s character walked into his screen. “Dream, can I ask you something?”

“Tommy, if you want to know where babies-”

“SHUT UP BIG Q I KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM.” His high pitched laugh and yelling making you tune your volume down.

“Go ahead Tommy, what do you want to ask?” Clay asked calmy.

“Why I was wondering, I have met Mother Dream and Drista, do you have any more family I can talk to? Can I meet Father Dream?” Tommy was trying really hard to look as serious as possible asking Dream.

“My family isn’t here right now.” Dream stated, looking at you with a sneaky grin on his face.

“Oh, alright then, do you- do you like being alone Dream?” You can’t help but chuckle at Tommy always ending his scenteces with ‘Dream’, making it sound so personal and serious.

“I don’t mind being alone, but I’m actually not alone right now, Tommy.” Your eyes focus on the man sitting behind his setup, Tommy jumping around on the monitor behind him. “Baby, would you like to talk to Tommy?” Clay asked, looking at you.

“Dream, who did you call baby? Is there a uhh Drartner ... no uh a dreammate?” Tommy stared into his camera and his chat was going wild.

Dream laughs as he signs for you to come over. He mutes himself from the VC. “Are you sure about this?” You ask him, walking over to where he’s sitting. “I am, are you?” You nodded. He moves the chair back a bit and motions for you to sit down on his lap.

“Alright Tommy, here’s my uhh, Dreammate, be nice to them.” You had put your phone down to still be able to see Tommy’s stream. He looked so impatient, yelling to his chat. 

“Wait, WAIT- guys wait.” He quickly typed into the game chat for the other players online to join your VC for some ‘action’.

Clay mutes himself again. “So Tommy is ordering some of the guys to join the VC, it’s just Tubbo, Ranboo, Callahan and Quackity, so no worries.” He hands you the headphones and you adjust them, being able to hear Tommy loud and clear.

“Alright Tommy, what’s up?” Ranboo asked, walking up to the two of you.

“DREAM, Dream can they hear me? Ranboo, Dream is introducing us to his Dreammate.” You type into the game chat that you can hear him.

“What’s a Dreammate?” Tubbo asks, joining your little group.

“Well, appearantly Dream has been keeping a secret from us-” You softly giggle.

“What’s he saying?” Your boyfriend asks, wrapping his arms around your waste.

“Hello? Hello? Are you there, Dream’s Dreammate?” Tommy’s character hits Clay’s, so you take the mouse and hit his back.

“Well hello there, Tommy.” You see the boy’s expression change from confusion to a somewhat dissapointed face.

“Oh hello, Y/N, it’s been a while” He continues hitting you and you run away from him “I actually thought Dream was gonna introduce me to his Dreammate. You got me there, real funny.” Clay put in the earbuds connected to your phone so he could listen to what Tommy was saying. “Who would want to date Dream anyways- oh, well chat, alright alright so you ALL want to -” The boy sighs, being way too hyper for the conversation.

“Tommy, I-I am dating Dream.”

“No, the prank wasn’t funny, Y/N. Dream has failed you, I expected better from him.” The bitterness in his voice is truly impressive.

“Stop killing me Tommy!” It’s your turn to thaunt him, getting out your sword and running after him.

“I think they’re serious Tommy, congrats you two!” Ranboo says, helping you kill Tommy.

“Does that mean you’ll be coming back to the SMP, Y/N? We never finished that thing we were working on.“ Tubbo asks ever so sweetly. “Thanks Ranboo and yes ofcourse Tubbo, I’ll be joining soon.”

<Callahan> poor fundy

Dream’s famous kettle laugh echoed through the room when he read the messege. “Dream, can you hear me, Dream?” Tommy asks, being able to hear Clay laugh on VC.

“Yes Tommy I can hear you.” He says, burrying his face in your neck.

“I- I have a question.” It fell silent for a bit. “WHY” Tears start rolling over your cheeks from laughter.

Once Dream catches his breath he finally comments. “Tommy you love women right?” You face your boyfriend, who is trying to keep a straight face.

Tommy looks straight in the camera. “What a dumb question, all I talk about is my love for women. Do you ever listen to me, Dream? It’s almost like you’re my boyfriend.” He made a disgusted face before cracking up again.

“Oh god” You whisper as you shake your head. Clay presses a kiss on your neck. “Well Tommy, I feel the same way about Y/N.” An ‘aw’ left your mouth before Tommy made a barfing sound.

“So are you gonna marry them?” Tommy truly does feel like an annoying brother sometimes. Your eyes scan the chat while Clay does the talking. A couple of shipnames and questions pop up between all the emotes.

“I don’t know yet, Tommy. Maybe someday.” He said, hugging you a little thighter. You softly press a kiss on his forehead.

“Alright, cringe. I have no further questions.” Tommy states. “I’m gonna go back to building my tower. Goodbye.”

“Bye Tommy.” Clay said as he left the game. “Nice talking to you!” You added, taking the headphones off. “That wasn’t half as bad huh?”

Ah, yet again the Dream SMP is trending.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (August 11/2020) - Maybe this is why you shouldn’t do musicals

Tommy performs a solo of Hamilton while held at gunpoint and wins over Dream with the power of music before war breaks out over a horse corpse after a rendition of “Blitz” by Technoblade leads to murder.

Meanwhile, Fundy hatches an evil plot and steals the throne of the Dream SMP kingdom with Jack Manifold’s help before getting into trouble over a kidnapped bee. Tubbo becomes a lawyer, be careful.

L’Lawyerberg is founded...L’awyerberg?

The server also gained a new member: Quackity! 

A large portion of the day’s events take place in Shakespearean English. 

Enjoy.

---

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Fundy (August 11 is the correct date)

Tubbo

Tommy

Tommy (Quackity segment)

Skeppy

Thunder1408

Eret

---

- Fundy starts off in his underground base. 

Fundy: Me is at thyn’t base

Tubbo: L’manburg?

Fundy: Otherly speaking, that which is owned by myself

- Fundy meets Tubbo on the Prime Path. He puts back on his L’manburg outfit, and Tubbo declares him no longer a rebellious teen

- They go over to Tommy’s home, which has been turned into Hell, and Tubbo builds Dream. Fundy shrinks Dream significantly. They then proceed to the L’manburgian docks before heading back.

Tubbo: “Where is Jack Manifold?”

Fundy: “Where isn’t Jack Manifold?”

Tubbo: “That’s the question on everyone’s mind.”

Fundy: “Who is Jack Manifold?”

Tubbo: “No, everyone knows who Jack Manifold is, just where is what we really want to know.”

Fundy: “...Why is Jack Manifold?”

- Fundy carves Herobrine into Skeppy’s leaf roof before making it a creeper

- Fundy tells Tubbo about his evil plan. He’s been researching law, and has come up with a plan to use a law from the Netherlands to gain legal ownership of any property they want. They decide to steal the throne.

Enter Dream.

Fundy: How go’st thy?

- At the castle throne room, Tommy joins the call to briefly shout at Tubbo that Shroud is coming back on Twitch before leaving.

- Fundy turns around and finds himself face to face with Dream, who is standing there menacingly.

- Fundy kills Tubbo and Dream kills Fundy

Enter TommyInnit.

- After returning to the castle, Tubbo and Fundy have the idea to put on a Shakespearean play. Dream is there with his pet dog. Tubbo assigns Dream the role of Macbeth, since he kills a lot of people. 

Enter Skeppy.

- Dream kills Charles. He’s getting into character. Fundy congratulates him on his successful audition.

- Tommy joins the call to ask why his base has been turned into the Nether. Fundy and Tubbo tell him that they’re doing a show.They quickly build a theater stage near the Community House.

- Skeppy joins the call and they fill him in on the plan too.

Enter Thunder1408.

- Jack Manifold has transformed into Dream. He turns back into himself and arrives at the Community House.

- They begin the performance of Macbeth. Tommy ends up lip-reading for Tubbo and Fundy by speaking behind them while they nod their heads.

- Dream and Skeppy ride away in a boat together, leaving them with no audience. Tommy frantically performs for Fundy before swapping to his own part, then back to Fundy again.

(The only person in the audience now is Tubbo)

Tommy: (at rapid speed) “As whence the sun 'gins his reflection, shipwrecking storms and direful thunders break, so from that spring whence comfort seem'd to come, discomfort swells. Mark, king of Scotland, mark: No sooner justice had with valour arm'd, compell'd these skipping kerns to trust their heels, But the Norweyan lord surveying vantage, with furbish'd arms and new supplies of men began a fresh assault.”

- Dream, Jack and Skeppy return to watch. Dream pays Tommy a diamond. Tommy continues performing Macbeth solo.

- Dream is enjoying the performance so much he starts having a heart attack

- Tommy points out they would get much more money if they did Hamilton instead.

- Tommy performs a full solo of “Alexander Hamilton” from the hit show Hamilton. Dream shoots Tubbo to death off the stage. Tommy continues the performance, unfazed.

Thunder1408 from up yonder, hath fell to their death.

Skeppy from up yonder, hath fell to their death.

(Tommy keeps rapping)

- Tommy and Tubbo sing while getting attacked by zombies. As they finish the song, Dream throws them several diamonds.

- Tommy tells Tubbo and Fundy that they’ve just started the showbiz business! Skeppy comes over and asks if he can invest. They decide to name it “Pathway.”

Tubbo: “We’re being told to do Heathers. What’s ‘Heathers?’”

- Dream comes over to meet them at Tommy’s Nether house. He offers to fix Tommy’s base for five diamonds. Tommy pays him and he gets to work.

Tommy: “Dream seems to be my friend now. Have I convinced him with the power of song?”

Tubbo: “Well I mean, not until you try to get your discs back.”

- Jack comes over and Tubbo murders him for being against the showbiz business.

- They discuss the future of the showbiz business as an asset to L’manburg. They start thinking of other musicals to do. Tommy only knows Little Shop of Horrors.

- Tommy tells them that they should do a flash mob to promote their new business. He suggests singing “Blitz - Parody of “Blank Space” (has swearing) by Technoblade to appeal to the Technoblade fan club -- namely, Dream and Skeppy.

- They chase after Skeppy and Jack and start a flashmob by aggressively singing Blitz at them. Tubbo then murders Skeppy.

- Fundy leaves. Tommy and Tubbo speak with Skeppy, who is furious.

Skeppy: “I have something you guys can never have.”

Tubbo: “Good spirit?”

- Tommy and Tubbo head to Skeppy’s house.

Skeppy: “Where are you? I’m gonna burn it.”

- They ask what it is that Skeppy has that’s so valuable.

Skeppy: “It’s labelled ‘Spirit...’”

- Skeppy is holding a piece of leather. Tubbo realizes, but Tommy is confused as Dream freaks out in chat.

- Skeppy was going to invest the leather into their business, but not anymore. Skeppy says goodbye. Tommy and Tubbo decide to join Dream’s side to keep him favorable to the showbusiness.

Tommy: “There’s another war, and me and you aren’t...”

Tubbo: “Aren’t what? On the L’manburg side?”

Tommy: “No, we’re on the Showbiz side now, Tubbo. That’s our new side.”

- They meet with Dream, who is still working on Tommy’s base.

Dream: That is the remains of my horse :(

Dream: Its like your disc to me

- An explosion goes off at Tommy’s house as Skeppy sets off a creeper and dies. Tommy tells Skeppy to give them Spirit

Skeppy: “Listen, I’m not looking for another war, okay? I just -- I came after the war, I came when it was all peaceful! I’m not here to start the war!”

Tommy: “Skeppy, okay okay -- here’s a better way of phrasing it: get it out, or we’re going to destroy everything you ever once loved.”

- They threaten to get rid of the number 14, then chase after Skeppy. Tommy shoots and kills him.

Dream: Skeppy. 

Skeppy: Yes my lorde

Dream: Can I have my dead horse’s leather please

- Dream is still placing dirt. 

- They bicker with Skeppy some more at Skeppy’s house. Tommy and Tubbo decide to hold him hostage. Skeppy asks why they even want the leather. Tommy replies, to gain Dream’s trust. 

- Dream tells Skeppy that he would kill both of them for the leather. Tommy and Tubbo start running to L’manburg. Skeppy invites Dream to speak with him and says that he doesn’t like them. Dream asks for the leather.

Skeppy: “You remember everything that we talked about a couple days ago, where I’m like ‘that was uncalled for, why did you go to war with them? Like, that was stupid, they didn’t even do anything wrong?’ I take everything I said back, you were COMPLETELY in the right, they were idiots, you should’ve blown up MORE of their house! I take everything back, they’re fucking-- Come to my house, I’ll give you the leather...can we go to war again? Is that on your mind?”

- They negotiate over the transfer of the leather, suspicious of the other scamming them. Skeppy knows they might just log off, and he wants them dead now.

- Dream tells Skeppy that he does have something important to them:

The discs.

- Skeppy suggests they trade the leather for the two discs.

Dream: “Skeppy, it’s too valuable!”

Skeppy: “More valuable than your horse? Huh, wow, shows how much you care--”

Dream: “Equally valuable! Equally valuable!”

Skeppy: “So if it’s equal, it’s an equal trade then. I’ll trade you right now.”

- Dream says he’ll trade Skeppy one of the discs, but Skeppy insists on two.

Dream: “Well, it only matters really to Tommy, but Tubbo is like Tommy’s...son? So.”

- Skeppy says he’d settle for one with added riches. Dream says they should return to his house, but on the Prime Path Tommy and Tubbo come running to attack. Skeppy dies and respawns at Dream’s house again. Dream kills Tommy and the battle continues just outside Dream’s house between Dream, Tommy, Tubbo and Jack Manifold.

- They join a call together. Dream tells Tommy that he hasn’t given anything away yet, but he’ll trade one of the discs for it.

Tommy: “Why?”

Dream: “Because I NEED my horse’s leather back! It’s from my horse’s dead body!”

- Part of the deal is that the disc can’t be damaged. He’ll give away Cat.

Dream: “Tommy, I HAVE to do it! One disc!"

- He doesn’t care who he gets the leather from. Tommy has one day to get the leather back from Skeppy, but Tommy says that he’ll be visiting Tubbo the next day and can’t spend the day at war.

- Dream leaves and Tommy goes to negotiate with Skeppy. He pulls out the ultimate weapon -- Skeppy’s tweets.

- #skeppyisoverparty and #tommyisoverparty both start trending on Twitter.

- Tommy and Tubbo admire Dream’s handiwork on repairing Tommy’s house, then continue negotiating with Skeppy.

- Tommy and Tubbo realize that it would be a lot easier to take the disc back from Skeppy than Dream and tell Skeppy to give Dream the leather. 

- Skeppy tells Dream he’ll give him the leather for two discs. Tommy tells Dream he has his approval. They go back and forth over one vs. two discs.

- Tommy invites Skeppy back to VC.

Tommy: “Skeppy, meet Big Q!”

“Skeppy?! SKEPPY?! Remember when you invited me on a video and I said no?!”

- Quackity tries his best to intimidate Skeppy. It doesn’t work. Skeppy leaves to continue working on his house.

- Skeppy rejoins the call to hear Tommy and Tubbo say that Quackity’s been in juvie for 41 years. They talk about the leather again.

Skeppy: I am here anytime you want to talk, Dream. There is a reason you went to war with these idiots. Remember that. Thank you.

Dream: “Skeppy...I want the leather! Do you have sympathy? It’s my dead horse, okay? My horse died, and then Sapnap took the leather from the ground.”

- Tommy and Tubbo watch through the window to watch Dream and Skeppy negotiate. Dream explains to Skeppy that there have been multiple wars on the server over the discs, and he wants control over them. There’s no point in burning them, because you would lose all trading power. 

- Dream would never trade Skeppy both, but he’s willing to give one. Skeppy asks for Netherite, but Dream doesn’t have any to trade. He used up his resources for the war.

- Skeppy agrees to the trade for one disc. Skeppy gives Dream Spirit, and Dream gives Skeppy Cat to put in his Ender Chest. The deal has been done.

- Fundy and Jack Manifold build a little house on the roof of Eret’s castle just above the throne room to claim the throne.

- Tommy asks when Dream will whitelist Quackity. Dream says right now and does so.

Tommy: “Okay so Quackity’s not joining L’manburg, but he can be our dirty little crime boy...Our man on the inside!”

- Quackity joins the call. He’s out of juvie after 43 years. Tommy tells him that Quackity can’t join L’manburg, but they can do the cartel instead. Dream says Quackity could also join his side. Quackity weighs his options.

Enter Quackity.

- They meet Quackity at Spawn. They get to the Community House and Dream throws Quackity several diamonds. Quackity thanks Dream for helping him.

Dream: “You’re very welcome. We try and get everyone to feel welcome and at home here at Dream Team SMP.”

- Tommy tells Quackity not to bond with the green bastard and starts walking down the Prime Path. Ponk comes over as well. Dream takes off all his armor.

- Quackity doesn’t want to take sides right now. Tommy fills him in on the war.

- Tommy shows Quackity his basement and puts Quackity in prison. He tries to put Dream in prison too, but Dream’s too quick and evades.

Enter The_Eret.

- Tommy notices a mark on Quackity’s face. Dream says it’s a battle scar from prison. Quackity is upset that Tommy keeps asking about his conditions.

- They show Quackity through the sewers.

- Ponk murders Jack. 

- Fundy meets Eret at the second tower to show him the scuffed redstone doors.

- Then, Fundy shows Eret what they’ve done at the castle, fencing off the throne as Fundy and Jack’s new territory. Fundy explains law in the Netherlands to Eret while they sit at a coffee table

- Eret asks if, were he to build a house above Fundy’s little cottage, he would then own that territory. 

Eret: “I think the turns have been tabled, Fundy.”

Fundy: “I think the turns have been coffee...tabled, if you wouldn’t mind.”

- They go back down to the throne and Eret says he doesn’t think this is how it works, as he still has the crown on his head.

- While Fundy struggles with his king skin, Eret builds a platform above the house at build limit, therefore reclaiming it as his territory. While he’s occupied, Fundy takes the entire throne and moves it slightly to the left.

Enter Punz.

- Punz tells Fundy that he’s fucked up. Tubbo joins the call to inform Fundy that there’s a cartel now. Punz tells Fundy that he’s killed Beenis, the original bee.

- Tubbo informs Fundy that Eret is summoning Herobrine while Fundy hides Pog the dog behind a wall. Eret finds him quickly.

- Punz joins the call to tell Fundy that he has evidence of Fundy murdering Beenis. Tubbo says he can be Fundy’s lawyer.

- Fundy puts on his king outfit. Punz and Tubbo come to the castle. Tubbo leads them all to court. He is a lawyer. They argue about who should go in the jail hole and the death hole.

- Punz tells Tubbo that he clipped evidence from his security cameras. He explains that Fundy broke the hive and it must have died.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer.”

- Punz shows the evidence of Fundy breaking the hive. They debate whether the bee would have died.

Tubbo: “Oh my god, be careful I’m a lawyer.”

- Fundy says that he didn’t kidnap it, he didn’t kill it and he does not have it. Tubbo declares the first strike and asks Punz why the bee was outside. Punz says the bee usually comes back.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer! Did I mention it?”

- Fundy says the enchants on his pickaxe included silk touch. Tubbo shoots Eret with an arrow.

Tubbo: “I am a lawyer! Be careful!”

...

Tubbo: (shooting Eret again) “Yeah you can. You can rename a corpse. Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

Tubbo: “Punz, how sad are you that he’s dead on a scale of 1 to 10?”

Punz: “Just typing his name reminds me of all the memories we had.”

Tubbo: “How many memories is that? I need a number, so I can know how many, how many, how many...yeah. I’m a lawyer, be careful.”

- Tubbo makes a rough estimate of 200 and flicks another lever.

Tubbo: “I’m a lawyer, be careful!...be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

- Tubbo asks if Fundy has any valuables on him. Eret offers to hold onto anything, so Tubbo shoots him again.

Tubbo: “Be careful, I’m a lawyer, Eret! Be careful, be careful, I’m a lawyer. Yeah, I know you didn’t, and that’s why you should be careful, ‘cause I’m a lawyer.”

Tubbo: “Be careful! Be careful, I’m a lover! -- I mean lawyer. Wrong one.”

- Fundy asks to make a claim.

Tubbo: “You’ve got one lever left. Be careful, I’m a lawyer.”

- Jack Manifold arrives in a king outfit. Tubbo promptly shoots him.

Tubbo: “Jack Manifold! Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

...

Tubbo: “Hey, hey, you don’t talk to him! Be careful I’m a lawyer but I’m out of ar -- Punz, do you have any arrows? ...Thank you I’m a lawyer, thank you I’m a lawyer.”

“Guys! Be careful, I’m a lawyer!”

“Hey! Be careful, I’m a lawyer, I’m a lawyer. How much camera in -- the -- is there?...Okay, well you can’t leave that cell, so we’re gonna have to if this doesn’t work -- be careful I’m a lawyer, Jack Manifold. Be careful. Be careful I’m a lawyer! Be careful, Eret, I’m a lawyer. (he shoots Eret again) No no no, that was just a lawyer shot.”

“Everyone be quiet, I’m a lawyer! Okay...so order in the lawyer! Order in the lawyer, everyone.”

- Punz suddenly murders Fundy. Tubbo tells them all to be careful, he’s a lawyer, as Fundy looks into his Ender Chest and sees the beehive there. Tubbo asks if Fundy wants to sue Punz, he’s a lawyer.

Jack: “Tubbo, Tubbo...so what do you do for a living?”

Tubbo: “I’m...I’m...I paint...sofas.”

- Tubbo declares them all L’Lawyerberg. They’re doing independence again. They all head back to the castle, having created Dream SMP’s newest law firm.

The End.

[thesquareinthecircularhole]

best friend [MCYT: Dream x F!Reader]

not requested but im having feelings

"best friend" the cavetown cover in particular

lyrics in italics

did somebody say some angst? i think i heard someone say some angst! happyish implied ending idk

unintentional slight wilbur!

I should have stayed at home 'Cause right now I see all these people who love me but I still feel alone Can't help but check my phone

The majority of the Dream SMP had decided, after the whole pandemic was over (k pretend), to meet up and have a hangout/party. So, as of right now, there was a bunch of streamers chilling in a rented out AirBNB mansion that was relatively cheap and believed by a few to be haunted- but anywayyyyyyy...

Dream stood around talking to George, Snapchat, and Punz. While he was conscious in the conversation his mind continued to drift elsewhere. In the absence of a need for him in the conversation- George and Sapnap getting into a heated debate in regards to a recent video with them and Punz mostly failing at calming the boys, Dream looked down at his phone. 10:48pm, it read, with no messages but plenty of twitter notifications. He put his phone to sleep again and slid it into his pocket, looking around at the group, with his eyes immediately drawn to one person.

I should have made you mine But no it wasn't meant to be and see I wasn't made for you and you weren't made for me Though it seemed so easy...

[Y/N] sat on the couch with Fundy on one side and Wilbur on the other. A couple of drinks were shared between them, and they watched the TV which had a show playing, though you couldn't really hear it with the music and chatter. It was more for background, much like everything in life. The trio weren't actively watching but more talking amongst themselves.

Dream couldn't make out anything they were saying from this far away. His heart pained at the happy expression on [Y/N]'s face. It looked very different than the last face he had seen on her, the face he caused as he broke her heart in hopes to maintain friendship. God did he love her but relationships weren't his thing and haven't been in so long and holy shit did he regret it after seeing the tears stream down their face that night and right now as he saw Wilbur put an arm around [Y/N]'s shoulders which cause Fundy to probably make an inappropriate joke, knowing him.

And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy I wanna be the one that makes your day The one you think about as you lie awake And I can't wait to be your number one I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine But I still wanna break your heart and make you cry

Jealousy soared through Dream. [Y/N] was his friend first, and she agreed to continue being the great friends they were after the rejection, and those two have just decided to take his place practically instantly? It had been a month since it, and [Y/N] had already pulled back from streaming with him as frequently-the fans had begun to take notice as well. While the Dream Team was a thing, the two of them were the Dream Duo. Taking names and kicking ass was the catchphrase. It was also part of the reason [Y/N] wasn't invited to the manhunts, she'd either get him to fast or betray the others and team with him. They started out together and been with each other every step of the way. From the first subscriber (other than each other of course) to the millionth-though [Y/N] ended up staying smaller than Dream, the support never left. They were each other's biggest fans and #1, if they weren't streaming together they were definitely watching the other's stream. They had been with each other through the highs and lows, and [Y/N] had even seen his face long before Snapmap (and most certainly pointed it out on twitter in a reply to his tweet).

But won't you wait You know it's too late I'm on my own shit now And let me tell you how it feels to be fucking great I feel great

[Y/N] was thriving in their neck of the woods. Despite the dead silence on her end for a week after the rejection, she came back swinging and better than ever, or at least presented herself in that way. She had branched out away from purely minecraft and minecraft speedruns into other territory. She even got featured on the Technoblade channel in one of his many bedwar videos. She quickly befriended Valkyrae too and joined that crew for a bunch of Among Us streams. She hated to say it, but it felt great to not be on a one track grind anymore. Sure, she missed Clay and his antics, but despite her happy demeanor her heart still hurt over the situation. 

You need to be yourself Love someone for lovin' you instead of someone really cool that makes your heart melt Who knows what you truly felt

Wilbur was well aware of the feelings [Y/N] had for Dream as one night she called him drunk and near tears about how wonderful he was. The next day when [Y/N] woke up she forced Wilbur to not spill the beans and Wilbur was happy to have blackmail material over her, albeit jokingly. Nothing better than getting free minecraft labor using someone’s drunken love confession that should’ve won an Oscar. However, Wilbur didn’t understand her feelings towards Dream at all. Sure he was a cool dude and really good at everything he does, but nothing he has done has shown more than friendly love towards [Y/N]. Wilbur personally thinks [Y/N] was blind in love with him and deserved someone better, and hey...if it was him...

You're still my favorite girl You better trust me when I tell you there ain't no one else more beautiful in this damn world In this damn world

A couple of days after the group hangout, [Y/N] found herself alone in a call with Dream. With the streams of the Dream SMP having ended and everyone involved leaving the VC to do their own things, it left the dynamic duo alone. Dream was hyperactive about it, though it seemed [Y/N] didn’t notice as they were texting on their phone, until Clay piped up.

“Hey [Y/N]...” his voiced trailed off.

“Oh hey! What’s up Dream?” She responded suddenly reminded of the discord.

“We’re still friends right?”

“Of course we are, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well it seems like lately you’ve been ignoring or avoiding me.” He huffs. They sigh, a mix of a frown and a smile on their face.

“Clay, you have to understand, I really like you, but I’m working on putting that behind me. If you can manage a little bit where I can separate those feelings from our friendship feelings while being a bit distant, our friendship will be better than before! Remember, you’re still my favorite boy in the whole world.”

“And you’re my favorite girl.”

I still wanna be your favorite boy I wanna be the one... I might just be the one...

[kkaebsongtypo]

01 | m.l | next

why wont you love me // hrj [02]

pairing: renjun x reader

genre: friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, slight angst

wanings/notes: alcohol consumption (all parties are of legal age, drink responsibly!), mentions/symptoms of anxiety, mentions/signs of abandonment issues, jealousy, inspired by the song Why Won't You Love Me by 5sos

(warnings/notes are subject to change and updates if needed.)

word count: 2.1k

Renjun and y/n are an inseparable pair; they know each other like the back of their own hands. For the most part. Renjun keeps his true feelings hidden; y/n refuses to acknowledge their own. Both hold the fear of losing each other. But will one night out and a little too much to drink change everything?

a/n: hello part two is f i n a l l y here- sorry for the super long wait ;-; lmk if you want to be in a taglist ^-^

A week without Renjun and the boys proved to be a lot more difficult than you expected. On any other day, a normal day, you would have Renjun or Jisung on video call to keep you company whilst doing your work, cleaning the house, or just any other task. On any other day, you’d have a few of the boys lounging around your apartment, studying, doing project work, playing video games, spending their time in the comfort of your tidy home if they needed to get away from their own. Most of the time, it didn’t even feel like you lived alone.

Needless to say, with your main group of friends away on their trip, you were bored. With the boys doing their own trip activities, it was hard to get a normal, lengthy video call in. Procrastination was one of your biggest enemies in the deafening silence of your empty apartment. Without the company of your friends occupying your phone, and your current lack of self control, you were sprawled out on your bed scrolling through Instagram, your essay long forgotten.

You sat up abruptly when you opened Renjun’s story and were greeted with a photo of him and a shorter girl wrapped in his arms. Your chest tightened and at their bright smiles. You chewed on your bottom lip as you stared at the photo, the strange sensation in your chest growing. After a few seconds, you decided to close the app, the feeling (which, you concluded to be anxiety) building inside of you became overwhelming very quickly. You placed your phone face down on your bed and slowly laid back against the covers. You stared blankly at your ceiling and drummed your fingers on your bedsheets and chest.

A ding sounded from your phone and your hand flew to grab it. You hesitated to look at the screen though, unsure if you were hoping it was from Renjun or not. Ten seconds passed, and after a deep breath, you look at the message. A sigh fell from your lips when you read the contact name. It was from Jisung. You couldn’t tell if you were relieved or disappointed that it wasn’t Renjun as the anxiety in your chest continued to swirl.

bby chick <3: Are you busy rn bby chick <3: Can u vc bby chick <3: I miss you :(

You felt a pang of guilt for feeling slightly disappointed as you read the younger boys messages. You truly did miss him as well. The situation prior to his messages simply threw you off and into a frenzy of other feelings. Your fingers typed a response quickly.

: I miss you too :( : and no I am not busy, call me <3

It took no longer than 5 seconds for a video call from Jisung to pop up. After a deep breath to push down the previous discomfort within you, you put on a small smile and answered the call. The sight of Jisung’s face lighting up instantly when you appeared on his screen made your smile become more real, the photo of Renjun and that girl being pushed aside for the time being.

“Hii y/n!!” Jisungs voice was lively and excited. The setting sun shone a warm glow on him and the hotel wall. He waved to you, and you waved back.

“Hey Sunggie, how are you doing?” You asked. He didn’t hesitate to respond.

“I’m good, the guys and I miss you tons though! How are you?” Your chest tightened when he returned the question. It always broke your facade at times like this.

“I’m- I’m uh… yeah, I’m good.” Your feeble attempt at seeming okay was unconvincing as hot tears rolled down your cheeks with each blink. The uncomfortable feeling in your chest returned and your breathing quickened. Though your vision was blurred, you noticed Jisung’s expression fall into one of shock and panic.

“Wha- what’s wrong? Are you okay? Why are you crying?” He stuttered, reaching towards the camera as if trying to reach directly to you. You wiped your cheeks frantically with your sleeves and sniffled, a pathetic laugh falling from your lips.

“Yeah, I’m fine! Nothing is wrong, Ji, don’t worry-” Jisung cut you off gently. Tears continued to fall from your eyes involuntarily.

“Y/n… please don’t lie to me… you’re clearly not fine…” Your chest tightened more at the sadness in his voice. He didn’t like seeing you upset, it made him sad seeing his friend in distress. You tried to dry your tears again, but it was no use. With a quiet sigh of frustration, you ran your hand through your hair. There was no use in trying to lie again, your feelings were impossible to hide at this point.

“I- ugh. Yeah, you’re right. I’m not really okay- I’m sorry.” You looked down at your lap, fiddling with your fingers. Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at your apology.

“No!! Don’t be sorry!” He exclaimed. You glanced up at him and slouched further into yourself. Silence filled both of your rooms. You didn’t know what to say. You were embarrassed; your fear of being abandoned was consuming every bit of you with each passing second the longer you stayed in your head. Abandonment issues weren’t something you’ve ever talked about with any of your friends, there was never a reason to. Not until you saw that photo of Renjun.

The silence stayed for what felt like an eternity of being stuck in your own thoughts on a loop. No matter how many times you tried to tell yourself that Renjun would never just drop you out of the blue, the anxiety just pushed back. Part of you says “he wouldn’t.” but the other part of you fights back with “but he could.” It was a never ending loop; spiraling into yourself with no end in sight. Jisung snapped you out of your thoughts with a question that caused your cheeks to burn with anxiety.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You chewed on your bottom lip and tried to sort your thoughts before speaking. Tears began forming in the corners of your eyes again and they fell down your still damp cheeks when you blinked.

“It’s- ahh. It’s just- that photo of Renjun and that girl. It’s like, stupid but I think it was just anxiety saying like ‘oh Renjun found someone new he doesn’t love me anymore’ kind of-” The string of words fell from you lips quickly and in a mess, your insecurities growing and getting the best of you. Your voice cracked and you sniffled before taking a shaky breath and rubbing your eyes, giving Jisung the opportunity to speak. He was hesitant at first, his voice wavering slightly; he wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

“Hey- um- breathe for a second. Can you, uhm, can you show me the photo?” You nodded and picked up your phone to open Instagram. A feeling of dread grew in your chest and stomach as your finger hovered over Renjun’s story. With a deep sigh, you opened the story, the photo popping up on your screen. You stared at Renjun’s smile for a second before tapping on the small paper airplane icon and sending it to Jisung. You waited quietly as Jisung opened Instagram to see the image. You laid on your back and positioned your phone next to you so the boy could still see you when he returned to the call.

While you were swimming in your own variety of conclusions, Jisung stared at the photo you had just sent, unsure of his next words. He ran his hands over his face and through his hair, knowing that he could potentially make you feel even worse in one way or another.

“Y/n- oh my goodness. Okay- that’s not- that’s like Renjun’s second cousin. We just met her today!” You stared at your ceiling as Jisung returned to the video call.

“I… are you serious? Oh my gosh.” You groaned, tears beginning to fall faster again. Jisung frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, still hating to see you so upset.

“Yeah! Please don’t cry.” Jisung tried to comfort you as best as he could through a tiny screen. You sniffled and whipped the tears from your face, only for more to fall. He sighed softly, feeling slightly helpless.

“Look, even if that wasn’t his relative, I can assure you that all of us love you and we would never just up and leave you for anyone else. Renjun especially. y/n he…” He paused for a second, trying to pick his words cautiously to avoid exposing any secrets that weren’t his.

“You’re his best friend. He, of all people, would never, ever do that to you.” Your tears began to slow as you listened to Jisung, taking in everything he said. The external rationalization was reassuring, but the ache from the idea of losing Renjun continued to loom deep in your chest.

“I know that your anxiety clouds your judgement sometimes but if I can do anything to help at any time, please let me know.” He paused for a second, quickly realizing that you were keeping quiet.

“But if you can’t talk to me for whatever reason, try to remember what I just said.” You sighed softly. Jisung was really trying, and even though your thoughts continued to run wild, you were grateful for his efforts.

“Thank you, Ji. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for all that; it was just a huge scare about my best friend leaving me over what turned out to be nothing.” You rolled your eyes at yourself. You jumped to conclusions and got upset over a misunderstanding; you felt foolish. Jisung perked up and was quick to validate your feelings.

“Oh! No, please don’t feel like you need to say sorry for feeling.” He frowned at you and played with his fingers. You pursed your lips and looked down at your lap. Silence lingered for a couple seconds before Jisung spoke up again.

“Um, okay. I’m sorry of this is a dumb question, but like- are you sure that was the only reason for your reaction..?” The question made you tilt your head and bring your eyebrows together in slight confusion.

“Uh? Yes? What do you mean?” Jisung turned away and scratched the back of his neck.

“Ah like, I dunno. The use of best friend- I mean like, are you sure you aren’t like, jealous?” Jisung turned his head down slightly, looking up at you with a careful gaze, nibbling the inside of his lip. Your eyes widened and you blinked a few times. Your lips parted to speak and you raised your eyebrows, but the words got caught in your throat. Why is this so hard to answer? You furrowed your brows for a second, regaining your composure enough to form some sort of coherent sentence.

“Oh- well I mean I guess maybe?? But no. What?? He’s my best friend and he’ll always be my best friend.” You tripped over your words as they came out in a mess. Your heart sped up and your cheeks warmed slightly. What is happening?? Jisung furrowed his eyebrows and tugged at his fingers as words began falling from his lips.

“Right- I’m sorry-” He started to panic, but you cut him off softly before he could ramble an apology.

“It’s fine Jisung, don’t worry about it.” You sent him a small, half smile. He chewed on his bottom lip and averted his gaze. Without letting the guilt-filled silence linger, you sighed and clapped your hands together.

“Enough about this stuff. Tell me more about the trip, what have you been up to?” You smiled softly. Jisung looked at you hesitantly and you nodded; an attempt at reassuring him. He took a second and raised his eyebrows before breaking into a smile.

“Well, the day after we arrived we just sort of slept in, but in the afternoon we went into the city...” You smiled as enthusiasm filled his eyes again, but his voice became mere background noise as you got lost in your thoughts once more. Jisung’s previous question coming back and lingering in your mind; “are you sure that was the only reason for your reaction?”

Renjun is my best friend. I don’t want anything more.

You did your best to shake it from consuming you, wanting to focus on Jisung instead. But the tiniest voice in the back of your mind repeated in a loop, Renjun is my best friend. I don’t want anything more. Right?

Taglist: @lolibaaae @currentlyraisinghell

a/n: let me know if you want to be part of a tag list ^-^

disclaimer: updates will be stagnant. thank you for understanding :)

[douchebagbrainwaves]

MAKER'S SCHEDULE, 631, BRIEFLY

I'm a writer, and writers always get disproportionate attention. How did they stand it? Their main expenses are setting up the company, which costs a couple thousand Altair owners, but without this software they were programming in machine language. Those ideas are so rare that you can't find some way to reach me, how are you going to create a successful company? For a startup, managing them is one of the first 10 employees you'll have almost as much.1 Families are entitled to their own traditions, and who the competitors are and why this company is going to beat them.2 In the late 90s my professor friends used to complain that they couldn't get grad students, because all the undergrads were going to let hosts rent out space on their floors during conventions. Part of the reason I can't believe it will be more like being able to play the two firms off each other as well as talent, so this answer works out to be important, because a we invest such small amounts, and b we think it's better if startups operate out of their own premises, however crappy, than the offices of their investors.

If you're a freelancer or a small company doesn't ensure freedom.3 What makes a good startup idea, it's sort of like having a guilty conscience about something.4 There's an idea that has turned out to be a startup. For a lot of work.5 Which is exactly how I'd describe the way lions seem in the wild seem about ten times more alive. You probably can't overcome anything so pervasive as the model of work is a job. Don't sit on their boards. What really bothers parents about their teenage kids having sex are complex.6 It's not so much as that they never pander: they never say or do something because that's what the audience wants. So if you're going to optimize a number, the one to choose is your growth rate to compensate. In social settings, I found that I got over 100 other responses listing the surprises they encountered. If you don't understand YC.

At the time any random autobiographical novel by a recent college grad could count on more respectful treatment from the literary establishment. The angel now owns 200/1200 shares, or a job. The kind of question on the application form that asks what you're going to clear these lies out of your head, you're going to clear these lies out of your head, you're going to do, at least, nothing good.7 I often recommend that founders act like consultants—that they wanted to.8 In a startup, you don't even know that.9 If these guys had thought they were starting companies, they might have been.10 Viaweb entirely with angel money; it never occurred to us that investors were too conservative here—that they do what they'd do if they'd been in Nebraska, like Evan Williams was at their age? The saddest windows close when other people die.

And when you propagate that constraint, the result is that each species thrives in groups of a certain group, that seems nearly impossible to shake. Someone who's figured that out will automatically focus more on the idea. The only explanation is: by definition. It's not just a figure of speech to say that the outcome is zero. The artists who benefited most from this were the ones who had preserved a child's confidence, like Klee and Calder. Once you have all the college students, you get rich is that there are many degrees of it. It could be replaced on any of these axes it has already started to be on most. When you're a little kid and you're asked to do something differently.

But not all waste is bad. Later I learned it hadn't been so neat, and the three founders each get 25%. Along with such outright lies, there must have been told a lot of economic history, and I understand the startup world is evolving away from their current model.11 If you seem really good we'll accept you anyway. Even in the rare cases where a clever hack makes your fortune, you probably have an idea.12 At least, that's how we'd describe it in present-day languages, if they'd had them. The way you get taught programming in college would be like teaching writing as grammar, without mentioning that its purpose is to make me feel better. After two years, the un-rapacious that you only extract half as much from users as you could. If you have something that no competitor does and that some subset of users urgently need, you have to seem like you understand technology.13 On that scale, every negotiation is unique.14 I was cynical about VCs, but the way he composed them into molecules was near faultless.15 But unfortunately when you graduate, as long as you want.16

Notes

Thanks to Daniel Sobral for pointing this out. Make it clear when you ad lib you end up reproducing some of the things they've tried on the LL1 mailing list. What you learn in college or what grades you got in them, initially, to sell earlier than you expect. But while this is also a name.

In fact most of them. But try this experiment is that if you conflate them you're aiming at. The worst explosions happen when unpromising-seeming startups do badly.

Y Combinator certainly never asks what classes you took in college. This approach has not worked well, but this would work better, and that modern corporate executives were, we try to accept a particular number.

Aristotle the core: the editor in Lisp, they may try to accept that investors are induced by the surface similarities. Com of their assets; and with that additional constraint, you can't help associating it with such a statement would merely be eccentric.

Most word problems in school math textbooks are bad: Webpig, Webdog, Webfat, Webzit, Webfug. Without the prospect of publication, the assembly line, the closest anyone has come is Secretary of Labor Statistics, about 28%.

I think the usual way to fight. The next time you raise as you can see the apples, they made much of it, and no one who's had the discipline to pull it off. Successful founders are driven by people trying to decide whether to go to college, they would implement it and make a lot of investors caring either.

P nonspam are both genuinely formidable, and the exercise of stock options than any preceding president, he was otherwise unoccupied, to get into the heads of would-be startup founders who had been a good idea to make more money. The best thing for startups is very long: it might take an hour over the Internet, like hedge funds, are available only to buy corporate bonds to market faster; the Reagan administration's comparatively sympathetic attitude toward takeovers; the crowds of shoppers drifting through this huge mall reminded George Romero of zombies. That it might take an hour over the Internet. Yes, I had zero effect on the relative weights?

The VCs recapitalize the company, and yet managed to screw up twice at the data, it's probably good grazing. I should add that we're not. They did turn out to be a win to include things in shows that people start to pull ahead in the field.

Galbraith was clearly puzzled that corporate executives would work so hard to mentally deal with the founders gained from running through their initial attitude. Sparse Binary Polynomial Hash Message Filtering and The Old Way. One thing that drives most people emerge from the moment it's created indeed, from hour to hour that the worm might have done all they could be overcome by changing the shape of the bizarre consequences of this: You may not be far less demand for them.

Indiana University Bloomington 1868-1970.

Trevor Blackwell points out that taking time to come up with an associate cold-emailing a startup could grow big in revenues without including the order of 10,000, because investors already owned more than their competitors, who may have realized this, but simply because he was skeptical about Viaweb too. See Greenspun's Tenth Rule. We just store the data, it's software that doesn't seem to want them; you have significant expenses other than salaries that you decide the price, and for filters it's textual.

P 500 CEOs in the sophomore year. It was only because he had more fun than he'd had in school, and philosophy the imprecise half. The philistines have now missed the video boat entirely.

As we walked out we ran into Yuri Sagalov. Emmett Shear writes: I'd argue the long tail for sports may be common in, you'll have to replace you. It took a painfully long time.

The reason Y Combinator.

This is an instance of a safe will be coordinating efforts among partners. In practice it just feels like a loser they're done, she doesn't like getting attention in the definition of property.

The thing to do sales yourself initially. 5%. At first I didn't care about GPAs.

Thanks to Paul Buchheit, Gary Sabot, Trevor Blackwell, Tiffani Ashley Bell, and Jeff Arnold for sharing their expertise on this topic.

[reaganann]

The first time we meet (karlxreader)

y’all may know Karl Jacobs the famous Minecraft streamer and best friends to Sapnap. Well that’s not the case for me i know him as my boyfriend but i never seen him in real life before just discord vc’s.

i’m most know for my minecraft streams too because i’m the first female faceless streamer. There’s a lot of male faceless streamers like dream,corpus,ranboo, there’s a lot more but you never see female faceless streamers but then there’s me.

Me and Karl met on Minecraft Mondays we were on the same time and ending up winning it after that me and him talked every day we became good friends then it turned into feelings so now we are dating.

We have been dating for 5 months and he has never seen my face before i have seen his but he hasn’t seen mine, I guess i’m just a insecure about my self here’s that thing i have what is called Heterochromia iridum which means the colored part of the eye (iris) is multicolored.

So i have two different eye colors I have a dark brown eye but then i have a Crystal blue eye. I always hated my eyes so i never showed my face to anyone.

Karl always wants to see my face but i tell him the same thing over and over aging which is “I don’t feel comfortable showing it” which he completely understand and never pushes me to show him.

So that brings us here we’re i’m laying in my bed listening to a true crime podcast Karl always makes fun of me for listening to podcast he says that there are for old people i just laughing at him and say we’ll i am old.

i’m listening to the podcast when i heard a ding my phone lit up with a message form Karl it read.

hi

i closed out of the message and thought to my self what surprise dose Karl have for me. Putting that thought to the back of my mind i decided to go on Twitter.

i tweeted something laughing at all the comments that my friends comment. when it was 9:00 i finally got out of bed and started my morning routine.

i walked into my bathroom and took a shower and washed my face when i was done i got out, brushed my hair and teeth,

i walked out of my bathroom turning off all the lights and closing the door and walking to my closet to pick out some clothes.

i picked out my clothes and put them on when i was done with everything i went down stairs and made breakfast for myself.

Since i wasn’t streaming to day i don’t have to step up everything,today was my relaxing day but i still had school work to do.

i finished my breakfast, i walked over to my dining room table and sat down i opened my laptop and began my school work, knowing y’all i don’t think y’all want to seat through this part so i’ll see you when school is done.

Karl

Hey guys it’s me frog boy just kidding it’s me karl since some of y’all don’t know me let me say a couple of things about me.

First thing is i have a amazing girlfriend named y/n she is the most important person in my life and i hope to spend the rest of my life with her.

Speaking of my girlfriend we have been dating for 5 months. Wow that’s crazy right you know what’s also crazy i have never seen her face before not like i’m complaining i don’t really care if i see it or not but today that’s going to changes you see i message one of y/n’s friends saying i’m going to surprise her and they gave me her address.

I was driving to the store to pickup some stuff to make a goodie basket for her when my phone dinged 

i looked over and saw that y/n snapchated me i picked up my phone and opened it

I put my phone down so I could continue driving then i got another message on my phone.

I opened it and this time it was a message from her.

putting my phone down for the second time. I finally made it to the store.

I got out of my car and walked in the store. I grabbed a cart and began looking for some stuff to put in the basket.

Ok i got the basket now time to look for stuff to put into it. I know she likes candy so I'm going to get some of that and some monsters.

When I finished shopping I went to check out. I paid for everything and headed out of the store to my car.

Once I got in I put everything in the basket neatly. I took a picture of it.

a/n- i take post anymore pictures so you will have to go to my wattpad and see them there the story is called one shots and my wattpad is ReaganGuillott

I took a picture of it and posted it on instagram and I made sure I posted it on my spam we’re y/n can see it.

laughing at the comments my friends made i started to drive again. It's going to take 3hrs to get there so i’m going to be back.

Y/N

Oh hey there I didn't think y’all would have come back and yes i did finish my school work it took me about 1hr to do so.

i heard a ding i looked down at my phone and i saw

i opend it and saw that it was nick

I snapped him back and he snapped back saying ok fine.

I was starting to get a little hungry so I made a little snack. Can you guess what I'm making? Everyone loves pizza rolls.

When I was done making them I sat down on my couch and began walking some Netflix.

By now it was 1am in the afternoon and I was beginning to get bored.

I can clean my house so that time will pass. but who just cleans there’s house for fun, not me.

I walked towards my room trying to figure out what I can do that will be fun.

Then an idea popped into my head: I can play minecraft. I walked over to my computer and sat down on my chair. I got my headphones and put them on my head.

I pulled in my lights so that it could be colorful.

I logged into my PC and began loading minecraft.

I started up a world and began playing it. I built a house, a farm, and a water fountain in front of my house.

then all of a sudden i hear a knock on my door.

karl

i finally got to y/n’s hometown. I'm so nervous. What if she gets mad at me for seeing her face and she breaks up with me.

putting all of the negative thoughts away in the back of my head I begin to think positively.

I pulled into her driveway and got out of my car and got the basket out and began to walk up to the front door.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door waiting for her to open the door.

I waited a couple of minutes then the door opened and standing in front of me was the most beautiful person ever.

She had pale skin and long black hair that came down past her shoulders and along her cheeks and nose she had these most adorable freckles ever. And then her eyes were the most beautiful eyes, one was dark brown and then the other one was crystal blue.

“Hello my love” I said looking up at her.

“Karl” she said, her voice cracking little, you can see a tear fall from her long lashes on to her cheek.

“Oh honey” I say, putting down the basket and walking over to her and wrapping my arms around her tiny waist.

While I was holding her she began to shake, I felt my shirt getting wet but I didn't care because I had the love of my life in my arms right now.

We just stood there in silence just enjoying each other Company. I finally let go of her and moved away from her.

“Can I get that kiss now?” I said, smiling at her.

“How do you know I was talking about you? I could have been talking about someone else” she said.

“Oh I just know,” I said.

I looked into her eyes, she looked up at me and looked at the ground.

“Could you not look at them please” she said i looked at her confused.

“look at what” i said

“My eyes i don’t like them that’s why i am a faceless streamer and that’s why i didn’t let you see my face it’s all because of my fucking eyes” She said starting to get angry.

“I was bullied as a kid because of them they said i looked like a Alien they called me two eyes just because of my fucking eyes” she said

“baby” i said

“don’t i don’t want you sympathy” she said

“My love look at me” i said

She finally looked up at me i put my hands on her cheeks.

“Honey your eyes are the most beautiful eyes ever don’t let people tell you otherwise so what they say that you look like a alien they are just jealous cause you have some badass eyes and they don’t” i said

She looked up at me and leaned in. I felt her breathing on my lips.

I leaned in and put my lips on hers.

are lips we’re moving together i then licked the bottom of her lip asking for entering she opened her lips and i put my tongue in hers.

are tongues fought for dormancy when we got a little carried away so I parted our lips and rested my forehead on her looking into her beautiful eyes.

“Thanks you” she said

“You're welcome,” I said.

I stepped away from her and picked up the basket and gave it to her.

She took it out of my hands and we walked into her house.

She walked over to the kitchen and put the basket on the counter.

“So what do you want to do now” she said looking at me.

“i don’t know” i said

“do you want to take pictures with me” she said

“sure”

When we were finished we laid on her bed cuddling just talking about life.

" i love you y/n" i siad

l i love you too" she said

And that day became the most amazing day every because i got to spend the next week with the woman i love.

[meghanayar]

A memo from the mountains

Facebook reminded me yesterday that it’s been seven years since my family and I embarked on a two-week sojourn to the Swiss Alps.

This trip was memorable for a hundred different reasons, most of which make me laugh hysterically even today.

For instance, we were 16 people who carried 44 kilos of food with us. Yes, a full 44 kilos of food - it was weighed and checked at the airport. I will never forget the bewilderment on the face of the Emirates Airlines employee who spotted a 5-litre pressure cooker amongst our belongings.

Why so much food, you ask? Is that even a question? We are Gujjus, and we cannot imagine being deprived of our staple diet for a full fourteen days. Besides, Switzerland is the most expensive country in the most expensive continent on the planet, and when we travelled there in 2014, the Euro stood at a staggering 87 INR. Which Gujjus worth their salt would eat out in such a scenario?

So, the day before we were to leave, my mother summoned our ever-faithful cook and asked him to whip up as many theplas, bhakhris and pooris as his arms would allow. The other three mothers in the group did the same thing. Then, my brother escorted the whole haul to his friend’s shop (a neighbourhood gruh udyog), where all the theplas, bhakhris and pooris were vacuum-packed - basically, dressed to survive 13 hours in cargo.

During the two weeks that we spent in that tiny Swiss village named Val d’Illiez, we cooked every desi meal possible - from pav-bhaji to poha to chhole-puri to besan cheelas. Heck, we even repurposed leftover bhakhris, using them as pizza base on the last day!

However, food was the only department that sailed smoothly on this trip. Everything else that could go wrong, most certainly did.

Like the time we stopped to have lunch at a metro station (yes, food again) and nearly missed the train. I say “nearly” because three of us managed to get inside, while the other thirteen - including our parents - were left hanging on the platform when the doors closed. Luckily for them, the driver was a sweet soul who reopened the door, and waited patiently while all the aunties and uncles boarded. Had he been the nasty kind, we’d have ended up paying a penalty equivalent to the amount of money we saved by lugging 44 kilos of food!

Then, there was my mother - who refused to let us carry our passports even though it was mandatory (in order to use the travel pass), because she feared that we would misplace them. Every day, my father would remind her about the passports, and every day she would refuse. “Koi TC-VC maangshe nahi!” was her standard answer.

Well, on the second-last day, the TC did ask for our passports. And when we told her we didn’t have them, the TC threatened to fine us 70 Euros each. I did some quick mental callisthenics. We stood to pay 6000 rupees per head!

I swung into action - politely begging her to let us go. “My mother doesn’t listen to us, otherwise we’d be carrying the passports” I told her in my finest French. She pardoned us eventually, but not without shooting me the angriest look I’ve ever received.

The funniest part of this trip was our return flight - when an Indigo staffer simply refused to let us board with a pressure cooker. “But Emirates allowed us!” yelled the angry mothers at the counter lady. “EMIRATES DID! How can you refuse then?!”

“Because I can,” said the lady very calmly, “You will not check that cooker in. I won’t allow it.”

We eventually left for Ahmedabad without our beloved 5-litre Prestige pressure cooker - our faithful companion that had saved us thousands in restaurant bills.

While this trip was replete with moments of comedic gold, it was also, for me, a coming-of-age affair. I was newly-single then, looking to resurrect my career, and slightly embarrassed to be the oldest “kid” in the group at 26. When we trekked up hills, boated across lakes and explored villages, I often broke away from the group, to ponder on some essential questions that would help me rebuild my life.

“What would I want to spend the rest of my life doing?” was one of those questions.

Eventually, during one of those quiet long walks, I received the answer. It happened spontaneously, like a brahmagyaan moment. The thought clicked in my mind, and I knew the universe had answered my question.

It was actually quite simple. Having lost a couple of precious years to an ill-fated marriage, I wanted to own the rest of my life. I wanted to be the boss of my time, so that I could spend it working with words in every manner possible - reading, writing, teaching and learning languages.

Words aside, I wanted the liberty to live without ultimatums from the clock. I wanted to be able to tread new terrain as and when I pleased, without being held back by the biological/maternal impulse to prioritize another human's needs over mine.

I hadn’t heard the word “child-free” until that point. “Anti-natalism” was yet to become mainstream. Nobody I knew had taken this route. But I knew that this was the path for me. And that if I ever sought out a partner for myself again, it would have to be someone who’d agree with me on this.

Seven years later, my gratitude for that moment of enlightenment has only grown stronger. Where I once had only one reason to make this choice, I now have a hundred more, especially after the pandemic. I love children and cherish the time I get to spend with my friends’ kids, but I know definitively that I will never have any of my own. Because I don’t want to.

I am a happily child-free woman. I understand that this is not for everyone, but it is just right for me. It lets me be. It is the wind beneath my wings - heck, it IS my wings.

As I sit here amidst the Himalayas now, reading stories and crafting some, I am grateful for that holiday in the Alps, seven years ago, that made me this person. This post today is a little tribute to the trip that changed my life.

If there is a God, She lives in the mountains. I can feel her voice in my bones. She always knows what I need. She has all the solutions.

[thebudgetgarden]

The Budget Garden 2: Tachikaze “Goodstuff” (V-Premium)

Hello Cardfighters, So, I haven’t even completed a total of 3 posts before I got my very first request ! A person from my Vanguard playgroup overheard me mention this blog in passing to one of my friends, and so asked me if he could see my approach to a very cheap and strong Tachikaze deck. This, for those who are not in the know, is already a challenge, as Tachikaze is based on certain interactions with it’s own units, and on much more rare occassions, very strong, individual cards. So, I thought I would discuss one of the very first decks I build by myself, Tachikaze Goodstuff, an Accel deck that aims to hit hard and hit fast. 

Let’s begin with the grade 3 units, as understanding our win conditions is the key to success with learning and handling Tachikaze properly. 

We shall begin first with a list of our main grade 3 units, which in this case are varying rations of 4 different units, these being:

Light Battle Dragon, Gigannoblazer

Sundering Dragon, Terror Therizeeno

Fiery Light Dragon, Opticalcerato

Savage Mercenary 

[CONT](VC):During your turn, if three or more new equip gauges were put for your units this turn, all of your front row units get [Power]+5000. [ACT](VC)1/Turn:COST [Counter Blast (1) & Soul Blast (1)], draw two cards, and call two cards from your hand to (RC). Put up to one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for each of those units. (Put without looking at the front of those cards）

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks a vanguard, COST [retire another rear-guard], draw a card, if a unit with equip gauge was retired for this cost, choose one of your opponent's rear-guards, and retire it.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, or when it attacks a vanguard, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards.

[CONT]:You cannot normal ride this card. [CONT](RC):If you have no units with equip gauge in the same column as this unit, this unit cannot attack. So, wow, right off the bat, there is a lot to unpack, so let us take it step by step, first by explaining the notion of what “goodstuff” means. “Goodstuff”, used in the context of card games, is a strategy or type of playstyle that doesn’t adhere to the usual norms of having a normal win condition and trying to fullfill that condition every game. It practically means that we are a Jack-of-all-trades, but a master of none.  Taking a look at our grade 3 line-up, this notion becomes all the more noticeable, as we dont really follow a coherent gameplan, rather we decide to play as many tools as possible in order to have the best chance of winning. Reading through these cards, we can already gleam at least three characteristics that set Tachikaze apart from all of the other clans in the game, with those key-words being: Equip gauge, which means placing the top card of your deck under one of your units as a “marker” or “indicator” that can be used in conjunction with various effects Retire, meaning getting rid of one of ours or one of our opponent’s rear-guard units. Excuse me for making such a long-winded introduction to what someone would innitially think is a fairly simple and easy to play deck, but understanding these concepts, as easy as they are for some, is an integral part of understanding the clan as a whole. That is very obvious with our main boss unit, Gigannoblazer. Gigannoblazer encapsulates the essence of Tachikaze perfectly. Not only does he possess a very strong advantage skill that helps facilitate very aggressive plays, but he also allows the Cardfighter that is using him to give a healthy 5k boost in the front row, allowing for magic numbers and choke-points to be hit in a much easier fashion. This is highlighted further by Terror Therizeeno, a strong back-up ride target, as well as a potent rear-guard unit. His skill might seem odd initially, but there is a lot of synergistic potential with his retiring skill, as he allows for dead columns that have already performed their attack to provide some value for you, both in forms of a draw and retiring a pesky unit your opponent may have.  Opticerato is also fairly basic and simple. He’s a good call target that also functions well with the rest of the deck while attacking. A very simple and strong card, running a few copies wouldn’t hurt any Tachikaze deck. Savage Mercenary is an odd one. With a whopping 27k power, higher than any grade 3 in the game, you would think that his restrictive skill would stop him from being a gread addition, however, that is simply not the case. With a stupidly easy condition to fulfill, Mercenary becomes a very strong unit that cannot be blocked easily. Having a few copies in your deck as a simple and strong finisher is a must, as this card can easily steal wins from our opponents. All of these cards, while very strong, are also incredibly cost effective. If you were to buy a play-set of each card, meaning 4 copies of each individual grade 3, it would hardly set you back about 6 euros, which is a laughably low cost for such high impact units. 

Moving on to the Grade 2 Units, we find ourselves in a very odd and unique predicament.

The grade 2 line-up for Tachikaze is, for a lack of a better term, completely pre-determined. This is not, however, a bad thing. It just means that the choices that we do have are both so powerful and inexpensive that they would usually find their home in the full competitive versions of these decks. The downside, though, is that the creative aspect gets a tiny bit stiffled, which is a small price to pay for such power-houses.

The grade 2 line-up is split amongst 4 very high impact units, those being:

Clearout Dragon, Sweeperacrocanto

Ravenous Dragon, Megarex

Turbo Smilodon

Regiment Dragon, Regiodon

[AUTO](RC)1/Turn:When it attacks a vanguard, put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit. [CONT](RC):This unit gets [Power]+5000 for each of this unit's equip gauges, and if it has three or more equip gauges, it cannot be chosen by your opponent's card's abilities.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks a vanguard, COST [retire another rear-guard], and draw a card. If this unit is on (RC), COST [Counter Blast (1)], put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit, and it gets [Power]+5000 until end of that battle for each gauge equipped to this unit.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, or when it attacks a vanguard, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks, you may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards. [AUTO]:When retired from (RC) by your card's ability, call up to one card from this unit's equip gauge to (RC). You may put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for that unit. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn. There is a lot to unpack here. Simply put, both Sweeper and Megarex are insane cards, maybe unfair in the general landscape of budget deck-building. Sweeper gives himself an equip gauge on attack, and he gets 5k power and a removal dodge ability… on BOTH players’ turns. Meaning that, in the overwhelming majority of cases, on the first turn that sweeper is played, he is going to be a 19k-24k attacker that keeps his high numbers and is resistant to pretty much all forms of removal, apart from some unique cases. There was a point that this card was so good people were considering it as a possible candidate for a BAN. Couple that with its laughably low price point, at 50 cents each, and it’s no wonder why people still use this card in every possible build of Tachikaze, no exceptions. Megarex is a completely different beast entirely. His power-up skill is a bit more restrictive, but it follows the exact same path as sweeper, simply less efficient, while also being more susceptible to removal. He more than makes up for it, however, with his retire and draw skill, which is completely free and works perfectly with the rest of the clan. Another thing to note is that he is insanely cheap, an entire playset of him going for about 1 euro and 20 cents. There is not a lot to be said about Turbo Smilodon, he’s a grade 2 version of Opticalcerato, a card we briefly discussed in the grade 3 section. Smilodon is, also, quite an expensive card. In the time of me writing this, we still dont know what the reprint price for him is from the new Revival Collection set, so for now he is sitting at a comfortable 1 euro and 50 cents per copy. If he’s not readily available, then running the grade 3 Optic is suggested as a replacement. Regiodon is also quite simple. A lot of skills in Tachikaze require the retiring of a rear-guard to be activated, and Regiodon is an excellent card, working as not only fodder for the rest of the team, but also as a multi-attack engine, if placed on an Accel marker. A lot of utility as well as a little bit of extra oomph for your combo turn.

The grade 2 line-up was a million times better than anticipated, but with that, it is now time to move along to the grade 1 line-up. The grade 1 line-up, to a certain extend, has also been solved, however a bit more of a creative spin can be put in it if any Cardfighter feels like experimenting.

There are several key budget units to consider right off the bat, those units being: 

Fierce Claw Dragon, Laceraterex

Full Speed Dragon, Bluesprint

Angry Roar Dragon, Roarbaryo 

Sonic Noa 

[AUTO](RC):When placed from hand, put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for this unit. [AUTO]:When it is retired from (RC), COST [Soul Blast (1)], and return up to one gauge equipped to this unit to your hand.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When it attacks, you may put one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your rear-guards. [AUTO]:When retired from (RC) by your card's ability, call up to one of this unit's equip gauges to (RC). You may put one card from the top of your deck face down as an equip gauge for that unit. This ability may only be used by a card with the same card name once a turn.

[AUTO](RC):When placed, COST [Soul Blast (1)], put the top card of your deck face down as an equip gauge for one of your other rear-guards, and that unit gets [Power]+5000 until end of turn for each of its equip gauges.

[AUTO](RC):When it boosts a rear-guard, put the top card of your deck face down as an

equip gauge

for the boosted unit.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack or the attack that it boosted hits a vanguard, COST [retire one other rear-guard], and draw a card.

The grade 1 line-up, just like the grade 2 line-up, is also quite excellent. We have more and more cards that fulfill our win-condition and allow us to have options no matter what the current board-state is. 

An overwhelming amount of utility and value comes from both Bluesprint and Laceraterex, 2 cards that don’t only gauge themselves but also allow us to get even more value from our retires, both from a card-advantage, in the case of Laceraterex, and a potent multi-attack engine, in the case of Bluesprint. 

Roarbaryo, however, is just pure damage output. With the cost of just one soul he can make a unit not only get an equip gauge for future usage, but also gives a boost that can range from just 5k, to 25k in the case of Sweeper. Overall a very simple and strong card. The 3 cards discussed above will not set you back more than 2 euros for a playset of all of them.

Sonic noa is a special case. He is a bit pricier and harder to come by compared to the previous cards that we discussed, but his effect more than makes up for it. Sonic Noa is our decks’ WHOLE game-plan, condenced into one card. Equip gauges, self-retire, card draw, he does it all and he does it very well. A playset of him will set you back about 2 euros but he’s getting reprinted in the next revival collection, so picking him up won’t be a difficult task in the coming weeks.

Example decklist 

This particular list is not only very cheap and strong, but it’s also an excellent investment for future Tachikaze builds, if you wish to stick with this particular clan.

GRADE 3

4x Gigannoblazer

2x Terror Therizeeno

2x Opticalcerato

1x Savage Mercenary

GRADE 2

4x Sweeper

3x Megarex

3x Turbo Smilodon

2x Regiodon

GRADE 1

4x Roarbaryo

4x Sonic Noa

2x Bluesprint

2x Laceraterex 

GRADE 0

x1 Starting Vanguard 

x4 Draw Perfect Guards

x4 Heals

x8 Front Triggers

(Please keep in mind that these lists are made with the Budget Constraints first, as well as what is the most optimal ratio of cards depeding on their availability in Greece. All of these prices and lists are subject to change, but keeping the price low is the number 1 priority.) 

Final Price: ~19 Euros

Closing thoughts and Special thanks

While this particular Budget profile wasn’t as long as the Previous one, I feel like I did a good enough job at showcasing one of the least appreciated clans out there, and I hope I assisted you in finding a new and interesting deck or playstyle. As a massive tachikaze fan (one of my top 5 favorite clans), this deck was a joy to playtest and write about.Special thanks to my friend Dimitri, who without him this Budget Profile wouldn’t have existed, as well as a special thanks to my close friends for reading through the previous post, even though they don’t know a single thing about Vanguard.That’s all for now, Cardfighters ! If you have read this far, thank you so much for your time and attention. Have a wonderful rest of your day ! Bloom aka thebudgetgarden (if you have any questions, feel free to contact my discord account: Bloom#8890) 

[alanncs]

hello my loves , it’s dani aka the ari mascot on the main ! if u don’t already know me , i’m 21 , i’m from toronto which puts me in the est tz , & i have a unhealthy obsession w/ mgk 🥰 hehe , that’s me ! let’s b friends pls !! anyway , i’m so so excited to be back in wealthy with all u angels , i seriously missed everyone so much ! okay , so i’m gonna put some info bout my girl alanna under the cut ... i switched her up quite a bit so i’m xcited 2 be bringing her back ! pls give this a like if u wanna plot with me & i’ll come bother u !!  also pls feel free to msg me on discord for anything 🥰 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street , with a striking semblance to hailey bieber !  you may know them as @alanna or hitting the front page of tmz as youngest d’alessio heiress alanna caught trashing nyc four seasons hotel room . according to tmz , you just had your twenty - first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also charming . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the lingering smell of smoke , anything pink  &  gold  jewelry  . ( cisfemale + she/her  ) * vc/career claim : lennon stella .

                   *  /   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full  name  :  alanna  marie  d’alessio  .

age :  twenty  -  one  .

hometown  :  new  york  city  .

zodiac  chart  : scorpio  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  libra  rising  .

character  inspo  :  alyssa (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world )  ,  marissa  cooper  (  the  o.c )  ,  hanna  marin  ( pretty  little  liars ) .

                  *  /   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚   !!  (  tw  : kidnapping , ransom , drugs , ptsd  )

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created .

her dad is an italian government official  but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy  &  her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did . 

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . 

a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone . she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone 

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day ,  alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it ( possible connections ? hehe )

                                        *  /   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !!  (  tw : drugs )

ok here comes the fun part hehe where i changed her up a bit !

alanna’s def still wild ! i’ve decided to tone it up a few notches this time around

so she’s completely intertwined in the nyc party scene , like , you’ll see her at any big club or party every weekend and tbh probably on a wednesday you’ll see her there too

she kinda acts like nicole & paris on the  simple life lmao like she’s always doing dumb shit 

she’s always under some kind of influence whether it be cocaine , weed , alcohol , shrooms , percs , she’s always gotta be on something 

after dropping out of school , she knew she wanted to pursue a career in the industry , growing up she was a child actress &  did some dancing 

she always had a knack for singing & songwriter , got her first guitar at the age of six & just never stopped

it was always like an escape from reality for her , just to have music playing and let her voice go free

so after making some money through instagram modelling & some professional 

she decided to pursue her music career this past year 

her vc is lennon stella cus i just feel like the songs fit alanna perfectly and lennon’s voice is magical so yah

she can be very selfish at times , to a fault . like u can call  her out for treating u like shit and she’s gonna be like , yeah sorry . don’t cry 2 much bout it . she really doesn’t care 

it takes her a LONG time to get close to people , so like if ur  someone she actually cares about and loves , ur gonna know it . and if ur not , ur gonna know that too lo l

she does not hide how she feels about things or ppl , she’ll tell u straight up like

istg this girl prob doesn’t have a filter she just says what pops into her head first

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !!!

if u read all this i seriously love u sorry its so long ohp

CONNECTIONS !!!!!!! I WANT . THEM ALL . PLS GIME ALL OF THEM .

i have tons of IDEAS here @alannaisms​  !  so pls look thru that & lemme kno if any would fit with  alanna & ur muse !  heh ok im done ily  guys pls come plot with me <3

[pog-through-the-suffering]

ive . never made an original post on this blog besides being completely head full of thoughts regarding the dream smp these past months so, 🎉here’s to my first og post

The Traitor!!!

(yeah i know it's already been a day and none of this stuff is new hsjfhj just let me be a drama queen that really likes analysing characters)

can i just say before i get into it that i love the descent into pretty much grey morality for most of the "characters" involved in the smp. like. pretty much nobody is morally correct! other than niki nihachu because niki can do no wrong :) also i'll be referring to the characters... of these people? and not who they are

now, i've got a couple people that i think are traitors and i'll explain them a little further down but here's some things i noted when i was watching the vod that might be interesting owo

dream says, quote, "[you] may have traitors in your ranks" which,

could be a double jebait; he knows there's a traitor but he wants to sound like it's up in the air

there really is no traitor and this is just a ruse to get pogtopia to implode on itself

the traitor still hasn't made up their mind on whether or not they will betray pogtopia

and i think the last one is the most interesting, at least from a semi-meta perspective, to have a traitor that's not fully into the role and doesn't decide until last minute. idk, something about the angst really fuels me :)

either way, here's my predictions on who could be the traitor ranked (more or less) most compelling to least compelling, and i'm not accounting for realism because... this is my tumblr post and i get to pick how i order things :) i'm hiding the (long) analysis in read more because... i just realized how much i have to say and i am Not concise.

tl;dr

tubbo, while unrealistic, makes for an interesting twist and, for angst reasons, would also be cool to write about if he betrays pogtopia

similar to tubbo, tommy betraying is unrealistic, but for angst reasons would also be cool

technoblade is kind of obvious, but the continuity (if he’s the traitor) would make me pretty happy.

wilbur soot would be a little null, since he’s already planning on blowing everything to smithereens either way, but would be another step in his spiral downwards (jeez how far can this guy go) so i’m not mad.

georgenotfound would not be super surprising per say but would continue with his general characterization as an arbiter of chaos (i’ll maybe elaborate in a different post) it would be :)

badlands folks would... not be surprising. they never formally aligned with pogtopia, and aside from sam never really... offered their help? concretely, at least.

fundy already used up his secret traitor card.

same with eret, i love her, but his betrayal wouldn’t be super impactful. plus, they’re more aligned with badlands?

niki nihachu... i said i won’t care about realism but i sincerely cannot in canon imagine this. but if she did... oh the angst would be *chef’s kiss*

hbomb, ponk, purpled, itsalyssa, punz, other people? they never really were involved with this season aside from like,,, maybe helping schlatt hunt down tommy and wilbur right at the beginning. so the betrayal wouldn’t. matter.

tubbo - look, ik i said i don't care about realism, but the chances of this actually happening are... pretty slim. i love tubbo. i support tubbo. but they... like, the confused "no?" when he first came on VC with tommy makes me think it probably won't be him, unless they're really that good at acting. which, i mean, i guess would make for a fantastic surprise. but there's something deeply compelling about this kid, who largely has been relegated to third in command/less important than his friend, and who has been treated like a work horse a lot of the time (being asked to farm netherite for this upcoming war, being forced to decorate what ended up being his fucking funeral, otherwise grinding for shit in the earliest war only for it to get ruined by dteam), fucking snapping. plus, it's not like tubbo hasn't demonstrated his penchance towards chaos. also, i think there's something to be said about the lingering effects of manipulative authority/paternal figures and how that would manifest in tubbo, but that's a post for another day.

tommy - okay, yeah, maybe i just like kids my age popping the fuck off because of terrible parental figures, but shhhhhh. for real though, i think it would be really interesting for the person who up to this point has largely been the moral compass or otherwise the hero of the smp. for him to turn out to have always been as bad as the "villains" he's fighting... i dunno. also, something about him betraying because he's so fucking done with the people who are supposed to protect and lead him? mghhghh. but i like this probably mostly for the pop off factor LOL

technoblade - i mean... this one's a little obvious innit? i'm not mad at this, for sure, because techno's always made it clear he is ultimately here for chaos and anarchy. plus, i'll be able to stew in the dynamics of dream and techno fucking the server up LOL. all that aside, if techno turns out to be the villain i will be happy about the (now) fired chekhov's gun. like, i appreciate the continuity between "schlatt suggests techno is a pogtopia spy when he joins" to "techno admits he's just an anarchist" to techno's accidental or forced, depending on how you read it, betrayal of pogtopia by killing tubbo, and it all culminating in techno's final betrayal. while not the most surprising, it would be narratively fitting. and that's always nice isn't it? when things end with a nice bow on top-

speaking of nice bows on top, wilbur soot! i mean,,, as the man has said himself, there's really nothing more he can do to betray (if not pogtopia) tommy's values. the bitch wants to blow up manberg! and that's super fucking sexy. i love his corruption arc, it's *chef's kiss.* so... is he gonna be the traitor? probably not. but something about being driven to the very brink, that you've got nothing else even after you want to destroy it all that you seek out your former mortal enemy to cause even more pain and destruction... very compelling, very nice.

speaking of brunet british twinks,,, georgenotfound. even if george wasn't really on the smp or never formally betrayed manberg, i think they kind of accepted that he's on their side. and while this wouldn't necessarily a surprising twist, this would continue with dteam's (accidental?) characterization of themselves as arbiters of chaos. maybe i'll write a whole nother post about that, stay tuned :)

any of the badlands people - i mean... i love them. i love what they stand for. but they never really aligned with pogtopia, did they? so one of them, any of them, except maybe sam, would make for a pretty weak sauce twist. like, perhaps with skeppy? and it continuing the trend of enemy between tommy and skeppy? but really the most compelling is sam in that he agreed to help tommy but as a final reveal he doesn't join tommy's side when tommy does whatever with the creeper head.

as for weak sauce twists, fundy being the traitor would be pretty fuckin' weak. i'm sorry! he already used his secret traitor card, and everyone knows, once you've used it once you can never (until the next season) use it again.

other characters on the smp... yeah, i love eret! i love her! he's fucking fantastic! their gay castle? best fucking build! but like i said, already used secret traitor card. plus, she's part of badlands, so i don't think his betrayal would be surprising. and niki nihachu,,, i know i said i wouldn't care about realism, but i honest to god cannot imagine her being the traitor. i guess if she was there'd be some nice angst about her realizing that everything is shit, no matter where you turn, pogtopia's being run by a fanatical JD, manberg's run by a dictatorial senile goat man, badlands isn't even strong enough to have its own territory. so, what can a woman do when she has nothing left to lose? but for real, within canon it just... wouldn't really make sense to me. hbomb hasn't been involved in the plot, punz + ponk + purpled + alyssa + others haven't really been involved in the plot aside from. like chasing down tommy and wilbur that one time.

and... yeah! those are my thoughts :)

[route22ny]

New York Unmasked

by Harry Siegel

Imagining our city, for worse and for better, after the coronavirus pandemic

The city that never sleeps is taking a nap now, and it’s going to be a very different place when it finally wakes up.

Not long after the World Trade Center was destroyed on Sept. 11, 2001, and again after Lehman Brothers collapsed on Sept. 15, 2008, there was a lot of talk about how New York wouldn’t be the same. Both times, reports of our collective demise proved to be greatly exaggerated as the city quickly recovered, economically speaking, and resumed the upward path — ever more prosperous, populated and pricey — it’s remained on for at least the last quarter-century.

This time is different.

Any remaining vision of the city somehow picking up more or less where things had been left off went away with the decision to start shutting down the trains for four hours each night. That’s a huge though supposedly temporary shift for a system that’s run 24 hours a day for over a century with only the briefest of interruptions — until now the only one in the country that doesn’t turn off, as I’ve been shocked to re-learn every time I make the mistake of visiting another city. As with many of the decisions New York and the nation have made in this plague year, it will be much more difficult to turn things back on than it was to turn them off.

Already, the devastation is staggering. In less than eight weeks, the 13,168 (as of Friday night) confirmed coronavirus deaths here have exceeded the total number of murder victims, 12,509, over the past two decades — and that’s counting the 2,977 victims of 9/11.

New York managed to keep the death count down to 13,168 at the cost of putting the city and its economy in the equivalent of a medically induced coma, and with no assurances at all that a second wave of infections won’t be coming despite that.

While putting New York under helped keep the first wave from completely overwhelming the medical system here, as happened in Italy, “the point where we can really start at reopening…obviously is a few months away at minimum,” Mayor de Blasio said Friday.

Even at that point, whenever we finally get there, it’s hard to see everyone just getting back on the train for a crushed morning commute to the office, or servers returning to packed restaurants and bars and theaters and nightspots. Forget about tourists flying in to burn dollars; it’s an open question how many of the generally better-off New Yorkers who’ve left in the course of this will return here, or how many families will borrow or pay now so students can have the city as their campus — or if there will be a campus at all this fall.

This is all surreal. While some people talk about how the virus ravaging New York compares to 9/11, Donald Trump — who claims he lost hundreds of friends on 9/11, though he’s never named a single one of them — dispatches fighter planes to fly low over the city as a tribute to first responders.

While we still don’t know why New York was hit so hard by the virus, it’s clear that density — in places from the Meatpacking District here to the meatpacking plants in the Midwest — plays a big role in spreading it. And this is a place built on density, by far the densest big city in America as well as the biggest.

So this witchy hour we’re in is looking less like a PAUSE than a painful and fundamental shift in how the city functions and what it means to be a New Yorker.

To get through it, many people need to keep looking ahead and, I hope, looking at what New Yorkers can do in their own lives and demand from their politicians to see the city finally emerge as a fairer and more resilient one . I was born in New York City just ahead of the blackout babies, in November of 1977 — the month that Ed Koch was elected mayor and started to set the city on the path it’s mostly remained on until the virus — and I’ve remained here pretty much since. My dad grew up here, and his dad , and me and my brother are both raising our daughters here now, walking distance from each other and Rosie and Zadie.

I’m committed to the city for a lot of reasons, in addition to my family here: I own a house (or at least the bank lets me live in it), and one that’s bizarrely worth much more than I bought it for, at least if I was to sell it. My kids have a couple hundred square feet of their own outside as we shelter in place. And I know a bit and write a lot about New York, which really isn’t a skill set that travels.

But the truth is that the city of the past two decades has felt less and less like home, and more and more like the parts of Manhattan I try to avoid. I’ve spent too much of my adult life railing against the hipsters, gentrifiers, trustafarians and yuppies who didn’t have the good taste to spend their money here and then leave but instead “discovered” neighborhoods and remade them in their images, often to be priced out in time by new “discoverers.” I saved a bit of spleen for the people who rail against those people, rather than do something more productive with their time.

New York has become a city of increasingly sterile retail, one where internet listings have made real estate a more transparent and internationally accessible marketplace for foreign capital to reshape neighborhoods that preserve less and less of their old characters — for better and for worse.

It’s a corporate town, full of semi-interesting hustlers and characters along with its steady share of the depraved, the doomed, the damned and the dull. I’ve seen enough and read enough to know that none of that is new. But it’s metastasized over decades of financialized and increasingly monopolized and VC-fueled growth to swallow other values and ways of life. It’s hard to swim against a tide of money, and it takes a certain mania to even try.

Some of this is selfish, for sure. I preferred the waterfront of my youth, when the piers were barren and all but off-limits but for the bold and the desperate. No one with means would walk there, let alone live there, since it still had the taint of not so long ago shipping and industry and the rougher trades that lived by the waterfront, when the High Line was just a long-abandoned elevated track west of the projects that you could break into and walk on.

That all became part of the steel-and-glass luxury city that Mike Bloomberg described, one here for companies that can afford the best and priciest, and the people who draw incomes from those companies, directly or by providing services for their FIRE (that’s finance, insurance and real estate) workers who live in The City while firefighters commute in from Westchester and Long Island, or by constructing the buildings these people live in, or from the bloated government that services the “other” people who need help to stay here at all. A city that’s priced hospital beds out of big swathes of Manhattan and Brooklyn to clear space for luxury housing.

For years, I’ve been anticipating a reset as office space declines in importance with the rise of remote work, and that in turn brings down commercial and residential prices; hoping for a different, sturdier and livelier New York that exists for and better reflects the people who live here rather than serving as a clearinghouse for the world’s money. Over my adult life I’ve read endless warnings — including in this paper — about the return of the “bad old days” that are long gone for most New Yorkers, if they were here for those days at all. Now, we’re about to get a real taste of what a sharp downturn, along with a hostile federal government, feels like: “Drop Dead.” Now they’re looming as trading floors are vacant along with everything else that isn’t actually essential, and much of what’s abruptly left won’t soon return or the money that they brought in and splashed around.

This will be painful, but New York has always found ways to make new uses of what’s here. The same way that small and sturdy Brooklyn rowhouses built for the burgeoning middle class woke up one day as $2 million “townhouses,” and Single Residence Occupancies that single men depended on to maintain lives here, such as those were, become mansions with enough money and time, office spaces can become creative spaces like warehouses became artist’s lofts. Finally, housing prices, and everything else, should relate to the incomes of the bulk of the people working here. Right now, they relate to the vagaries of the global markets.

I’ll repeat that: The size of our economy, and real estate prices, should relate to the value of the goods and services people here actually produce. That will hurt a lot of New Yorkers who’ve invested in the city, including me, as property values and rents flatten or even go down, but some of that pain is needed. A city that’s too expensive for gas stations or grocery stores — looking at you, Manhattan — is too expensive for most people.

I hope we’re becoming a city that gives a proper Bronx cheer to Airbnb and Seamless and Uber and WeWork and all the venture capital-funded wannabe monopoly “tech” companies looking to “disrupt” fundamental aspects of our life by losing money for long enough to drive their competitors out of business altogether. That resists the convenience of Amazon and its ilk to support our local grocery and book and hardware stores, so that those are still there when we really need them.

A city that knows better than to cut off its nose to spite its face, now that we know better than to touch our faces. If New York has to sleep now to survive, it’s the perfect time to dream.

harrysiegel@gmail.com

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This essay appeared in the New York Daily News, May 3, 2020.

Photo via ShutterStock