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loop 51
night
#hmswposting#chonny jash#cj heart#cj mind#cj soul#cccc#cccctober#every time i watch the night & light music video again i notice something new...............#H E. PUTSON HIS BLINDFOLD .. AT “COLD BUT IM OUTSIDE AND WAITING TO SEE” IM ......andcovering his eyes at “ever is the light on” i MIGHT be#a LITTLE bit insane perhaps!!
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I’d like to propose a performance of Hamlet in which the audience is addressed, looked at, and treated as if they were there but ONLY by characters who have gone mad.
in Act 2, when Hamlet’s pretending to go mad, while in the presence of Polonius and others, he sort of pretends to look at the audience, but always glancing over, looking sort of in the wrong direction, putting on a show for the only eyes he thinks are watching. When he’s alone and doing his soliloquies, it’s clear that he’s talking to himself, even though we’re listening in.
And it continues this way until Act 3 Scene 4, when Hamlet runs Polonius through with the sword. For a moment after the deed is done, there’s a shocked silence on the stage. As Hamlet goes to examine the body, he falters, slightly, as he becomes aware of just how many eyes are on him. And slowly; he looks at us, and through the rest of the scene his attention is torn between the audience and his mother, until the ghost appears (perhaps in the audience as well) and he’s… sort of put back on track. But from then on, all his soliloquies, asides, he begins to talk to us, in the audience.
And we notice the change, sure, but we don’t really get what it means, not until Ophelia goes mad, and while onstage she begins to give audience members flowers, to talk to them as the others call her crazy. And at that point most of us can make the connection.
From then until the play is over, Hamlet can’t fully ignore us. Every other character will, and does (besides maybe the gravediggers if you wanted to include anyone else), but we’re ever present in his sight. As he dies, we’re the ones he refers to when he says ‘you that look pale and tremble at this chance, that are but mutes or audience to this act’
#hamlet#shakespeare#am i a hamlet goes a little bit mad truther? perhaps#i just love to explore motifs of insanity in various forms of media#and i have some more opinions on how I’d adapt this to film
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why are blowjobs so hot . it's awfully hard to focus on the words i'm supposed to be writing when my hand is literally reaching for the vibrator in my drawer on its own.
#easiest way to break me fr#giving and receiving#it's fucking insane#give me a fucking break omfg#(this is abt oikawa)(and perhaps a little bit of iwa too)#mayor of loserville
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laying here spinning in my head 1/adaine's new gf meets riz for the first time fic or 2/riz and baron fake dating for event thing fic maybe I just wanna think abt future stuff for my guy. just pure thinkin bout him chillin kickin ass
#not art#just realized Ive been typing on this document for an hour already lmao#adaines new gf is a warforged archival worker btw. she just appeared in my brain unprompted#I just think itd be funny for adaine's gf to have met and hung out with everyone in the party Except for riz#and riz seems normal and boring from what shes seen of him but every story she hears abt him is like#fully insane. and then she meets him and hes solidly both#I just think. a fic abt how every bad kid partner also immediately becomes a honorary proxy bad kid would be#good for riz's nerves eventually he realizes that like oh when my friends date that just means more friends for me#baron Is in riz's office throughout this fic however. thats my vision#the riz baron fake dating fic is fully it just idea rn but I think itd be fun to see#riz accepting his fear and then immediately weaponizing it#goes to an event where the people there supposedly hate his guts no matter how hard he conforms#and then slowly unleashing baron upon them#a bit too high concept for my brain atm but perhaps. eventually. itll get written#the first one is like 1k+ in already lmao. sometimes I do a little writing#eh. its for fun anyways I get at this when I want to. we'll see! for now. beautiful vision in my mind
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"don't you ever have a dream that almost a consistent one because there's the same people from previous dreams in there in the same place, only it's different events, and you don't know the people but they feel and look familiar to you and dream you knows them and all the dreams seem connected because they're in their weird big concrete building with what looks like a show or something being made in it and the people look weird and the people aren't even your neighbors who you are around constantly, they're different people entirely, and like you wake up and barely remember what happened?"
"..... Please tell me I'm not the only one, I need to know I'm not thinking too hard about this."
#ghost puppets timeline#shit howdy you good?#he may perhaps think he's going insane a little bit#shbo! howdy blog#welcome home
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Completely self indulgent post but here's one of the post-canon scenarios I have in my head for G Gundam.
Maybe skip this post if you don't like dark themes. Not all of what I've outlined is dark (most of it isn't), but I do cross the line past what appears in the show in regards to DG cells and abduction.
The shuffles all get roped into restoration projects on Earth between the 13th and 14th gundam fights, partially to have something to do alongside their training, partially out of inspiration by the common points of the Kasshus' and Master Asia's goals, and partially because netting their countries some decent publicity is likely to earn them favors during the Gundam Fight's off-years.
Sai is contacted by Kyral about an effort to clear out the infamous buildup of trash and cadavers on Everest; he wants Sai to leverage Neo China's help as something of a reparation kind of deal and Sai goes sure why not.
Sai recruits Argo because Bolt Gundam is built to withstand the cold, and he thinks Argo and Nastasha could help reverse engineer that quality to enable the use of their Gundams as both heavy work equipment and protection from the harsh environmental conditions that normally prevent this kind of operation.
George gets involved because someone he knows has a distant relative who died on the mountain a century ago, and they wanted him to check in with the forensics team on the project. This detail is important because eventually it becomes clear that there is a mystery to solve (that I myself haven't figured out all the details of yet but broadly know the setup and conclusion); DG-infected people are disappearing and not being investigated due to stigma. Our heroes are naturally going to be pissed about this, and will need an "in" with the field if they want to do anything about it.
First massively self-indulgent element: The forensics/body identification team inexplicably includes the real-world author Kathy Reichs, who somehow exists in this universe, and there's a little side bit about her having written a Bones book right before the 12th fight that featured a cooked cadaver found inside a gundam after entry into the Earth's atmosphere. There are a lot of weird coincidences in the book that parallel the DG incident, which creeps everyone out, but the similarities are merely born of the writer threading the needle of being believable and interesting in a way that became very true to life.
What does become relevant is when the Shuffles eventually meet up, she's able to explain the implications of a bunch of weird shit the fighters discovered (also Marie Louise read her book, and one of the in-universe liberties Reichs took writing about the gundams' black boxes that she explains in the afterword leads to ML realizing something important; that Neo Germany does not have its gundam's remains.)
While the Everest project is happening, Domon, Chibodee, and Allenby all want to continue their training somewhere on Earth, and receive a proposal from (an OC of mine who is) a historic preservationist (and an acquaintance of Allenby's): she has acquired the grounds of an abandoned castle in Europe* after submitting a plan to restore it, and needs to hire people to help with the labor.
*the castle is probably somewhere in Germany because I also want this pitch to have drama over Schwarz (pre-13th fight), Schwarz (Kyoji), and Schwarz (the next guy who was supposed to inherit the mask when the older ninja retired). Also Germany is fucking pretty.
In exchange for the help of the three gundam fighters, they and Rain get paid, plus room and board anywhere on the grounds, plus full access to the grounds and miles of sparsely-inhabited countryside for training purposes, and the privacy and ability to practice with their gundams that comes with being in the middle of fucking nowhere. Rain sets herself up to work a clinic in the next town over as well as practicing pro re nata wilderness medicine (I'm convinced every medic supporting the gundam fight would need to be able to do this.)
The group involved in the Castle project sticks around for a time, makes some good progress, and engage in occasional Shenanigans that come up when you put a bunch of weirdos in a Situation.
They aren't in town a lot save for Rain, but when they are they eventually start to pick up on gossip and news about the Mysterious Disappearances correlated with DG cell infection (as well as details that turn out to be important later). Eventually Rain brings this to Domon and Chibodees' attention and they decide that, yeah, this is tied to the DG, this is their problem, they should convene with the rest of the Shuffle Alliance about it.
Also of course Schwarz is involved because I'm the one writing this; the culprits' DG-tissue harvesting operation relies on having him captured and helpless, using cells from his body to "update" other victims' DG infections to a less aggressive strain. One thing I haven't decided is whether I want a reinstantiated Wong to head this shit, or make up my own morally bankrupt opportunistic asshole looking to twist the DG to their own benefits. I also need to decide where on the planet the center of all this insanity is, and it needs to be a place that isn't going to have any unfortunate implications (because that's a genuine risk with dark story elements)
... That's about as much as I have that is thought-out enough for me to explain. I return to thinking about this scenario a lot because it puts most of the characters way out of their element (and has a bunch of details that appeal to me specifically), and it kind of evolved into an incomplete plot outline that I don't currently have any plans to flesh out.
I think it's an interesting enough direction to go, because it follows through with a lot of the themes present in G, but takes advantage of the genre shift to avoid DBZ-crazy power scaling and adjusts the conflict more to a matter of where the main characters' prowess is most effective (Both in and out of the gundams. I'm assuming there are a ton of guys similar to Michelo's gang that just need fighting interspersed with everything else I described. In fact, kicking Some Group of Douchebags out of their protection racket is probably how team Castle even gets ahold of evidence related to missing persons.)
#G gundam#fanfic#fanfiction#G Gundam spoilers#dark themes#''What's another thing a villain in the Future Century might do to abuse DG cells? Perhaps an organ market but for cybernetics?''#Additional thoughts:#I believe with all of my heart that Marie Louise from G Gundam is a mystery fanatic#and would become an investigative journalist raking insane muck if she weren't a prominent public figure.#She's too nosy and eager to get her hands dirty to not be!#I put the OC I mentioned in fucking Everything I touch because she's so useful.#She can play host and provisioner to basically any plot or crossover I need her to and be exactly the amount of present or absent I want.#This OC is the one who I've mentioned on my blog before who does blacksmithing#and learned Tamahagane production out of spite to reclaim metal from weapons she made that other people have fucked-up.#I feel like this character and Domon would have some *very* entertaining interactions given that sword of his.#My girl would make ASSUMPTIONS that Domon would get really fucking offended by.#rambling in the tags#my OCs#headcanons#Edit: a little bit after writing this up I was asked to write out some of the scenes with my OC in them. I might post them at some point.#but if I do that right now I'll get distracted and not finish adding my new rambling in the tags tag to make my stuff more findable
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
#vent in the tags - so warning ig#got home from uni#have been in fight/flight mode since#turns out that fucking saps your energy incredibly fast#accepting that my mother and I's relationship is broken beyond any repair is oddly helping though#she's proven that she doesn't see me as an individual well and truly now#so I can put the energy back into myself instead which is meh#processing that alongside my insanely fucked up grief hasn't been fun at all.#my emotions about it have been out of wack since she saw me crying and grieving a friend and assumed it was anger towards her#like I'm fucking grieving a friend I found out has recently died - do you think I'm not going to cry?#but no just assume its me being angry towards you and not me having feelings. Sure. *fine* I'll just kill my ability to feel for a bit#so I threw myself into the lu fandom again till burn out#and now I've been on off crying for a week#feeling fragile as shit#but Improving#somehow#I think#*maybe*#don't know what other personal event could happen now to be worse honestly#last 8 months have been a fucking rollercoaster#then when I manage to get back up#put myself back together#have a little breather#get immediatly broken back down#I just want a fucking hug man#and perhaps to be told that I'm worth something#I don't know#nothing really feels all that good to me anymore#but I'm holding on through it#there's light at the end of the tunnel
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Stargazing
GUESS WHO WAS STUPID AND DECIDED TO STAY UP EATING TIRAMISU AND STARGAZING UNTIL 1AM
:D
This is a silly messy rambly post because while I initially intended to stay up all night if necessary to see the asteroid I only ended up photographing til midnight and I’ve got a camera roll FULL of photos but I’ll sort through them tomorrow to put together a cute aesthetic-y post
I snapped shots of the night sky without the telescope early in the evening:
(The brightest star in the middle is the asteroid Ganymed, I tried to take this picture as steadily as I could. Just above and to the slight left of the tree you can see a small cluster of stars - the Pleiades!! I wanted to get a close telescope shot of them but alas by the time I got properly set up they’d moved out of range)
Alhamdulilah this camera really captures the view I get on a clear night, I can see stars quite well. The sky was so wonderfully clear tonight Alhamdulilah ^_^ oh I feel ecstatic my first proper stargazing session ever and it was just- breathtaking
When I saw the asteroid properly, close up, I gasped in amazement
Despite my best efforts, I struggled to perfectly capture the asteroid because by attaching my phone to the telescope it destabilises it so I had to hold it steady and… I mean I’m not perfect
But I did the best job I could ^_^
Same for, what I believe was the half moon and Mars close by? I forgot to check the app by this time but I’m pretty sure it was Mars
Cool artsy shot of the telescope (and my starry jumper yes it’s just hung up there) with the moon and Mars in the background
Okay I’ll have to reblog with the rest of the great photos bc photo limit but also I’m tired
Today has been a long long long long day and it has been extremely taxing so on the one hand it was stupid as hell to stay up like this
On the other hand. My soul needed a rest and cleanse as much as my body does
#star speaks#astrophotography#also yes I do need to leave early at 7am to get to class good of you to notice :D#I’m going a little bit insane but screw it#I think my soul needs enchantment with stars and nature more than#my mind and body needs sanity#perhaps the two aren’t mutually exclusive but#clearly I’m too sleep deprived to be sensible right now
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Cub's crimes of episode 47
Unlawful alteration of property
#hermitcraft#hermitcrimes#hermitcrimes9#cubfan135#hc x empires#hc x esmp#cub continues to be a source of immense concern#i mean. its impressive. the guy's dedicated to the bit but also 2300+ catalysts is perhaps a little insane
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also its so dumb that one of the arguments ppl have against a sims 5 is that theyve already invested too much money into 4. like yes its fucking scummy that ea charges so much for dlc and its Ludicrous the amt sims 4 costs if you have all the dlc and its going to keep getting more and more expensive but . to be honest . why are you paying for sims packs. im sry
#ik not everyone can pirate i get it and its your money do what you want#but itis your choice to invest so much into like. a sinking ship DJRNFJFNG. idk....#i want 2 be optimistic and believe that somehow they WILL be able to fix every single issue with ts4#but i honestly believe thats require them to take an extended break from releasing new packs and shit#and i genuinely honestly dont think theyll do that. lol.#but like. i think itd be a good idea like. Cut down on new releases and focus on fixing the base game and then pack refreshes#bc itd be rly cool to have like. pack refreshes to make them more fleshed out#but also like. sigh. it rly does come down to the packs bc i judt genuinely find it kind of disgusting how little is in each pack#and how many of the packs could be consolidated#genuinely earnestly feel like growing together and parenthood shouldve been one pack. like. and honestly throw hsy in there...#hsy could do with a refresh Badd ik its fairly new but oh my god the school is so fucking buggy#and in general like. IDK. id rly love the packs to be refreshed and id love love love More fucking lots in the worlds oh my god. multiple#worlds have literally 4 lots. Thats fucking actually insane it makes me crazy#i get like. ooh bc you can travel between worlds the worlds can be smaller but i hate it 😭😭😭#i think its just bc i grew up playing 3 perhaps but like. i rly loved like. idk when i choose to play in a sims world i want to play in tha#world. i dont want to have to like. i live in moonwood mills (5 lots .) and thej i have to go to like. san myshunonif i want to go to a bar#or whatever. is there a bar in san myshuno idr#IDKIDK. i feel like Innnn my opinion there should be like. at least 1 of the basegame lot types for every world maybe with some exceptions#and there should be enough empty slots ppl can fill it out more if they want...#but also like. idk. i suppose it wouldnt affect me much bc i usually stay on my home lot as much as possible#bc of the loading screens#it wouldnt be so bad if like. idk. i understand why they didnt wanna do open world like ts3#well i dont its fucking actually stupid. but i get that ts4 wasnt supposed to be what it is and it wasnt built to be a longrunning game.#hence why ts5 should happen instead as a Strong Foundation BUT WHATEVER but like. yk. and ik im not the only person in the world and other#ppl want different but i feel like maybe you could have options .. idk. im not a programmer#but itd be cool to have some sort of way to toggle between like. open world semi open world and closed world#where itd be like. ts3 style where the exteriors of everything r there but the interiors r loaded in when u visit (if that is how ts3 works#i may be a bit off) nd closed would be ts4 style Loading screen to go . next door#am i misremembering or are there even loading screens between like. the new apartments with forrent.... there were for the city living ones#skull Fuckk i ran out of space
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New Scotland Yard: The Come Back (1.2, LWT, 1972)
"This wasn't a sudden impulse. It was deliberate and calculated. He had to break in to get at the old man, and then - well, you saw what he did to him. I don't know if he's a psycho or not, but I do know he's a sadist and I know what treatment I'd hand out."
"Yeah, I can guess."
"It's the only way."
"You've a right to your opinion, just don't try and convert me."
"I wouldn't dream of it, I know what you think."
"I think it's just as well your job ends when we catch him."
#new scotland yard#the come back#1972#lwt#classic tv#tony hoare#tony wharmby#john woodvine#john carlisle#barry warren#claire warren#kenneth cranham#betty romaine#kenneth colley#robert hartley#mark dowse#geoffrey morris#shelagh wilcocks#after a thoughtful and provocative opener‚ this second episode feels a little more run of the mill; a classic 'villain out for revenge on#those who put him away'. we do get a little bit of debate about the possibility or not of reform whilst imprisoned‚ but it's brief stuff#where the meat of the episode is just identifying and tracking down the 'bad guy' (a young Ken Cranham; similarly not enough#time is devoted to considering the mental health of his character and why exactly he has become dangerously violent during his time#inside...). one odd thing; the first episode sort of established Carlisle's character as having some socialist sympathies‚ putting him at#odds with the greyly impartial (but probably vaguely conservative‚ with a small c) Woodvine. weirdly‚ their politics appear to have#switched entirely here; Woodvine is reticent to demonise Cranham without solid proof of his involvement‚ expresses some sympathy#for his situation‚ whilst his subordinate Carlisle is now apparently in favour of the death penalty and dismisses the idea#of an insanity defence out of hand‚ sneering that it's a cop out abused by serial criminals. perhaps it's just that this is early days#and different writers are playing with these characters that aren't entirely nailed down yet‚ but it's a weird contrast to their respective#positions in the previous ep. Warren returns as Woodvine's journalist brother in law‚ so it looks like that's a recurring role#and poor Ken Colley gets rather underused as an informant (or grass as Woodvine puts it)
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There are certain ways my brain is autocannibalizing that just. It Just.
#K.R. shush#I think I'm normal until my brain Latches to s/t so severely I feel a little ill having to focus on anything else.#(this did not seem to happen until 2020 broke my brain)#I'm grown enough to figure out my Patterns as a being in the world. to adjust like one does for the seasons#(this is not a comfort. June is a few weeks away. it sticks out shining threatening to overshadow me like always.)#I'm just on the last week of my emergency b/c meds which is always a bit funky#(I'm so sick of knowing what I feel is at the behest of an insane balance of chemicals. that I am at most a balance of chemicals)#I'm at work unmoving to clock in. again. i'm tired of being here.#(I should tell dad to move that little handgun from the chest of drawers he still has left in my room)#no seriously shut up#<- perhaps.
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#so if anyone cares the thing I’ve beeen so insanely stressed about for weeeks and have written about 20 poems about has Arrived. yeah#i think. i have very mixed feelings in my stomach. i don’t know if i’m ready to process it all yet maybe cause it’s 2am and one of the#latest I’ve stayed up in a while. but yeah. maybe tomorrow. maybe never. maybe I’ll live the rest of july and early august#in just. this. state. yeah :) but I’m okay I think. I’m alright. I’m okay.#i think i will reread kind things people have said to me tonight#so if you’re reading this and have said something even just a little bit nice to me#i’ll be thinking of you tonight. thank you :)#i should probably go to sleep now. gonna go listen to a lullaby perhaps !!!#goodnight :) I’ll be ok. I’ll b ok
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Chapter 10 done \o/
#salad-txt#baby steps or something#hey time to bitch in the tags#a few weeks ago I was talking to a coworker (who knows I write) how I aim for 300w/day#and she was - absolutely serious btw - like that's so little#don't you usually do much more is that writer's block#and it's just so discouraging??#yes I did much more when I did nothing fucking else for 4-5 months#no lazying around playing games almost no book read#(also no gw expac in that year lol)#but I can't keep that up or I'll go insane and also can we not underestimate how hard it is to do it literally every day#perhaps it's not quite 300/day but one day 100 and one day 500 but I try to get a bit done every day and have 10k at the end of month#for months. oh a migraine an evening out or whatever. well those missing words keep piling up#i've done multiple nanos before I know that and I need a goal that's low enough I can recover a missed day or two without hating my life#and let's not go to where that also applies for everything else. but you did that once so you must be able to do that again don't be lazy#do you really believe the tone of 'well you did better once before so every other attempt is worthless' is encouraging??#nope makes me stop trying why bother if i am never gonna be good enough or if i am it will make future me more miserable
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i’d noticed for a long time that fans have a tendency to infantilize goku and i never quite understood how so many people came to that conclusion,, because Z goku is silly but he’s also like rly masculine and brave to me 😭 but anyway now that i’m watching super i think i get where that trend came from lol.. goku is definitely so so silly in a different way than he was in Z, and i’m not saying that that’s a bad thing necessarily (i dont love it but also i have heavy bias lol) but i am saying that after seeing how he’s handled in super, it’s less surprising to me that people have a tendency to treat goku like he’s this weird totally innocent surface level guy .. do u guys get what im saying or am i crazy
#like. okay….#its not entirely a bad thing that goku is so silly in super bc. hes GOKU.. he IS silly#but sometimes his silliness extends a little bit past what Z goku’s wouldve..#again it isnt always a bad thing cuz i love when goku is goofy.. hes my silly guy#but also i think if it’s overdone it kind of flanderizes him#goku is a complex character but so much of his complexity is like. not surface level so like#making it surface level in super is just disappointing#IDK MAYBE IM OVERTHINKING IT. perhaps im insane#ness watches super
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ace 🤝 jack
covering themselves in blood for the bit
#in conclusion? they are a little bit insane#not complaining. they both looked good in it#oh i was about to make a very bad joke about mary and blood. nope i probably shouldnt right#leave those to ace perhaps#ace o'spades#jack-off hearts#andomeda speaks
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