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astargatelover · 5 years ago

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Watching The da Vinci Code for the first time - A documentation

- About to watch The da Vinci Code for the first time. It’s about 3AM. Back of the DVD says the movie’s almost 2h30 long. Will approximately be going to bed at about 6AM. I gotta be crazy.

- Back of the DVD also says (translated from German): In the middle of the night the (…) is (…) Langdon (TOM HANKS) in the (…) director was murdered. His (?) (…) that of the Vitruvian Man (…) is the first horrible clue (…) and symbols. At the risk of his life (something something) Langdon – and from then on it’s a normal description, it’s just that that part is obscured by the library stamp. So I can confidently say I totally know what’s going on in this movie! *serious nod*

- Third highlight of the back of the DVD: Ian McKellen, grumpy-looking monk dude and a guy looking like Palpatine. And the Louvre.

- Also in the movie: Some German I don’t know (but yay!) and Paul Bettany. He’s cool; I really liked him in A Knight’s Tale.

- Let’s get this show on the road!

- …gotta update my media player. One sec!

- There we go. …where’s the always-on-top button? Ah, found it! Light’s off in my room; cinema time.

- Music’s already nice in the menu.

- Audio: English. (More nice music.) Subtitles: (Hey, they have Turkish on offer!) Off.

- (They even have subtitles for the trailers. But no extras. Am miffed. What kind of bare-bones DVD is this?!)

- 20 minutes after the first “about” up there: Play movie.

- Fancy title cards.

- Dude running. He’s gonna die; I know that much.

- Paul!

- *sigh*

- Oooooh, it’s Robert. That’s a lot of applause.

- (Btw, in case you didn’t know: I have watched Angels & Demons because I love Ernesto Olivetti a crazy amount.)

- I like Robert. Awesome presentation.

- Also like Tom Hanks. He’s great.

- Accents, y’all.

- Latin? Latin. Italian? No, definitely Latin.

- Ouch. Self-flagellation. Ooooooouch. Some religious people are crazy.

- Dude, you can barely stand. I’m a sadist and I don’t want you doing that to you.

- We’re only 10 minutes in, my goodness.

- Claustrophobia! I relate to that.

- Just let the dude take the stairs.

- Wow.

- Priests.

- Have I mentioned I’m not a big fan of catholics? Nothing personal.

- Also: Autistic Langdon, symbology special interest.

- French.

- Sophie! Heard of her.

- Strange happenings.

- Oooooooooh.

- French lady. I don’t speak French.

- *window jump scare*

- We don’t trust the police guy.

- Conspiracies!

- Fuck.

- “Once he starts, he doesn’t stop.” He’s like Javert.

- Climb out the window?

- More French.

- Oooooooh! They’re so tricking them, aren’t they? They’re not dumb.

- Bye bye!

- I’m sorry for Sophie.

- (I saw that part where her grandfather got shot years ago.)

- Here we go with the anagrams.

- Eidetic memory (pretty much) - firms up my autism headcanon.

- Can you even get that close to the Mona Lisa irl?

- Tom Hanks has a really nice nose. xD

- Langdon’s so good with anagrams.

- It’s like a scavenger hunt.

- Ooh, Musketeer symbol.

- Chase music!

- Flashback with crazy meetings.

- A smart! I get to bop someone now.

- Ooh, Les Mis.

- Backwards! That’s impressive.

- She’s so gonna make it.

- She made it!

- Bye bye, mirror.

- Paul’s looking angry.

- Someone got stabbed. I sense guilt.

- More dead people.

- Holy water.

- A nun.

- A rose line.

- Is he gonna kill her? She seems nervous.

- MORE FRENCH.

- Red light zone.

- (It’s raining outside. Kinda sets the mood.)

- You stay away from that dude, nun.

- Saving a junkie?

- (Sophie’s a really nice name, btw.)

- He rambles when he gets the chance so much. Really reminds me of special interests. (And in case anyone takes issue with that, I should know. I’m autistic. I have them.)

- My parents just watched Knightfall. Now I know some about the templars’ fall.

- Sophie didn’t know they were supposed to protect the Holy Grail? Really? Huh.

- Moooooore French.

- Please don’t die, nun.

- That’s some scar under his eye.

- Those look like some anger issues.

- It’s the grumpy-looking monk dude.

- Seriously, I understand more Latin than French.

- “Blood is being spilled” as he’s spilling wine, that’s great.

- Freeeeeeeeeench.

- “I don’t think he liked me very much. He once made a joke at my expense.” I relate to this guy so hard on the autism level.

- It’s the German dude.

- That’s some system they’ve got at that bank.

- You call that a rose?

- I’m with Langdon here. Safe passage?

- Aww, poor guy. I’ve got claustrophobia, too, and I haven’t even got a traumatizing event behind me. (I read that somewhere.)

- I like the driver.

- A lot. Nice one with the watch.

- Langdon, you look sick. Please don’t die, y’all.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- Poor Sophie. </3 Woah.

- How tf did that truck get there?

- That bullet. Smaaart move. *thumbs up*

- Ouch.

- Bye bye again.

- Do I like the police captain? I don’t know.

- The tea convo. xD

- Is Langdon like this in the books? I hope he is.

- How old is Sophie? *googles Audrey Tatou* (Ooh, Amélie!) *checks when movie was made* ‘bout 30.

- Yaaaaaas, Ian.

- Also please don’t die.

- (Both my faves in Angels & Demons die. I’m vorbelastet and can’t find a good English word for that.)

- Jesus was cool.

- Those helmets. Feathers!

- “Not even his nephew twice removed.” xDDD

- Is that paisley? *googles* It is. Nice!

- Just in case you’re wondering, I am typing this as I watch the movie. I’m not saying I’m not missing anything, but I like multitasking.

- *googles The last Supper* Wow, no cup.

- Genital symbols.

- Wombs open towards the ground, though. People with them aren’t constantly doing handstands.

- Have I mentioned one of my favorite movies is Dogma, which postulates that Jesus had siblings? I’m liking this conversation.

- “Companion meant spouse.” My gay ass likes this.

- If that is Mary Magdalene, though, which apostle is missing? Been wondering this for years.

- Scions. I like this.

- I’m all for sex positivity.

- Your time’s kinda running out, guys.

- Almost halfway through, now.

- Do you seriously believe they’re murderers?

- Why do you wear your police thingies like a blind man’s band?

- Was overall expecting a bit more running in this movie, I guess.

- Poor Sophie. This is a lot to take in.

- Beating someone up with crutches! Yas!

- Like, ouch.

- Do you happen to have a secret passage under your house? Would come in real handy.

- Oh, Zürich! Man, accents. Barely understood that.

- Frehehench.

- In my personal experience claustrophobic people aren’t generally fans of planes. That might just be me, though.

- Still don’t know Paul’s character’s name.

- We are leaving the country.

- That haircut. On the dude with the grumpy-looking monk.

- Does Jesus having a family beside his parents somehow make him less holy? *shrug*

- FRENCH.

- Police brutality?

- “Please”? Seriously? I understood that much and you’re a dick.

- This is, like, some Order of the White Lotus stuff.

- You need a mirror? You can’t read it otherwise? Huh. Well, I guess it’s just easier.

- I really like Lee.

- How many more ways can I angrily write French? (I don’t have anything against the language per se. I just don’t understand what they’re saying and that irks me. There aren’t even subtitles for that. I feel like there are supposed to be subtitles.)

- (It is nice, however, that they’re sticking to the languages they’d actually be speaking. I wonder if it’s all German in German.)

- Yo, police. Be more subtle. You could have laid a trap.

- “You can start with him.” Hm! xD

- “I could run them over.” !! Man, this is great.

- This is like a fucking magic trick.

- You know what, I wanna watch that again.

- The DVD did not like that, so now I get to look at the “pick scene” menu. At least there’s more nice music.

- Just out of curiosity… *checks* There are 24 chapters and I’m at the 16th.

- I can understand more French when I concentrate on it, but I’ve been too annoyed about it so far.

- Never had French at school, btw. But have a bit of a talent for languages. When it comes to those I can sometimes cobble meaning together from context and existing knowledge.

- “The French cannot be trusted”, sounds so ominous.

- As a fan of Angels & Demons, I am very interested in what the Vatican has to say about all this.

- Told ya we don’t like planes.

- Naww, Sophie. Arm pat, yas.

- How do you accidentally fall into a well feet first? Hmm…

- Saved by pigeons, wow.

- Paul’s eyes are super blue.

- Is he gonna get killed?

- What an old-ass phone.

- I’m worried about that newspaper.

- How they’re keeping the identity of the teacher secret is A+, shooting-wise.

- “Your identity shall go with me to the grave.” Did he know he was gonna die?

- Nice one!

- Is the second movie this long? *checks* Not quite.

- Seriously. Unnaturally blue eyes.

- Shoot-out.

- I can kinda see where Lee’s coming from. Don’t agree with the method, but…

- Did a shoulder-shot really kill him?

- See? Nope.

- I think I do kinda like the police captain.

- Have I mentioned my attraction to side characters?

- Oh, that tiny wound on her neck. I like the attention to detail.

- And those stained glass windows! Pretty.

- His mind! Wow.

- I wanna see this scene without music and special effects, though, to see what Sophie and Lee see. Must be pretty weird. xD

- Dramatic musiiiiic.

- Police captain coming through! Yas.

- Robert’s like “What is happening?”

- Man, those poor policemen with the screaming dude in the back of the car.

- Can’t resist a challenge, can you?

- It’s hecking dark behind that doorway.

- Can they get away with getting rid of all the villains half an hour before the movie’s over?

- Now she’s all Ghost Whisperer-like.

- I like the way it sounds when she calls him Robert.

- (Doing some more googling. Ah, it’s Leigh. I see.)

- Who are these guys? Something bad’s happening.

- Flashbacks and MORE FRENCH.

- Wonder if Robert and Sophie use the formal you in German. It wouldn’t fit.

- Sophie’s world is kinda falling apart.

- (She’s like Bethany in Dogma. Don’t know if anyone here even knows Dogma, but I love it.)

- Family reunion! Who put those onions here?

- See? Robert and I agree. Why should a family make Jesus less holy?

- I really like this friendship. I hope they’ll meet again.

- Checking if she can walk on water. xD

- Hey, it’s the Eiffel tower! And it’s playing light house.

- Blood.

- What? What is it?

- Wow.

- This music is real nice.

- 7 minutes of credits.

- Again, though: The music is nice.

#the da vinci code #robert langdon #dan brown #tom hanks #sophie neveu #long post is long

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mrsmess · 5 years ago

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Faves and fails of SPN (season 12):

Favorite episodes in chronological order:

12:3 The Foundry - Mylings! Nuff said. And I knew it as soon as I heard the baby cry. And that makes me feel good about me.

12:4 American Nightmare - Stigmata. Dean dressed as a priest getting stuck looking at a boy lighting a candle in the church. Mr Mess: ”Dean! Time and place!” Sam wasting his sensemaking on a relentlessly angry Dean as usual, but then laying the hard truth on the crazy lady - is it hot in here?

12:5 The One You’ve Been Waiting For - Nazi dirtbags! Referencing one of the great episodes of season 8 too. Good. Good. And Allison Paige is friggin’ beautiful! Nauhaus is such a spoofy villain I think this is a comedy. ”Do you know what it’s like to have en nazi necromancer as a father?” ”He had a guy named Fritz try to kill me!” GOLD.

12:6 Celebrating the life of Asa Fox - badass-intro. And Jody. Hunter community! Canadian hunter community! Here for it. Bucky, or as I like to call him: demon nr 5 from early season.... single digits.

12:7 Rock never dies - Loving this glam-metal thing. Crowley in LA. And omg! Cass being snarky with Dean of all people. ”Atleast I don’t look like a lumberjack.” I laughed. And Mr Mess pointed out that Cass is tired, that that’s why he snapped, and it dawned on me that Cass is *choosing* to be kind under normal circumstances. My heart! ”I work for sexists, rasists, even politicians.” Lol. Loving the group dynamic of the four. But I’m a bit disappointed that Lucifer can’t chill, he could have had so much fun.

12:11 Regarding Dean - A goofy Dean episode. That’s rarely bad news. I like Rowena in this, she’s rly growing on me.

12:15 Somewhere between heaven and hell - Honesty’s the best policy, signed, Dean. Hear, hear! ”So, ten years ago did you rly want something? Like, a Hello Kitty backpack or the death of an enemy?” Lol! Dean and Crowley and Lucifer breaking free! Dean is a hoot this episode. Sam, killing the hellhound like a pro, and thanking Crowley. And Crowley kicking Lucifer’s ass. That’s the stuff. And Sam being honest with Dean and Dean being all reasonable about it! Loving it!

12:16 Ladies drink free - Claire! Nuff said. Loving everyone this episode, except Mick of course, but my homicidal thoughts at the sight of his beard have lessened. ”The experiment was on mice.” Werewolf-mice! XD

12:17 The british invasion - Eileen! God this show needs more women, the brothers are so much better dealing w them, which I guess is a problem on its own. ”Make your voice a mail.” Oh Cass. Eileen and Sam! My heart! Am I shipping this? God I hope not, it’ll mean instant death. God, Mick is an idiot, I mean, I’m obv digging his change of heart, but apparently he hasn’t learned a thing in the entire life he’s worked for his fucky organization.

12:18 The memory remains - Goodness. Loving this intro. Taxidermist sheriff. Man, sometimes I feel these quirky characters are wasted on the just-passing-through format. ”Hunting people! Killing them! The family business!” Lol.

Fail episodes in chronological order:

12:1 Keep Calm and Carry on - ”You’re bad at your job.” Sure, she has a point, but as generous as this british chick’s offer is, her pitch is somewhat lacking. A torture montage is the quickest way to wind up on the fail list. Also ”break his mind”? That’s what it’s like inside Sam’s head *all* the time.

12:2 Mamma Mia - A sexscene featuring Dean Forrester is the second quickest way to wind up on the fail list. You say his name is Sam Winchester? Nah. Nope. Not buying it. Listen, I know I talk a tall game about being a big Sam-fan, I just don’t ship him with a.n.y.o.n.e. So what the sexscene isn’t real!? I still had to see it with my own orbs of sight. ”Your job was to find american hunters and gain their trust.” I’m howling! Maybe *you’re* rly bad at your job, lady!

12:10 Lily Sunder has some regrets - uhm... using demon number 5 to play other randos throughout a 15 season show I’ll forgive them for but you can’t use the same distinct actor (Ian Tracey) to play two distinctly different characters (Lee/Ishim) and not acknowledge it, especially when they could easily explain it as Lee’s body being possessed by Ishim. It ruins the whole episode for me. Also, I’m rooting for the ”bad” guy.

12:14 The raid - The british men of letters are the worst, they are worthless recruiting agents, salesmen and got crappy intel; where the Winchesters go the rest of the american hunters will follow? Pretty sure the opposite is true: ”Oh shit, the Winchesters are joining ’em? Better stay as far away from that shit as possible!” Also Mary’s being more than a little silly and I’m surprised Sam didn’t give her some speech about how he used to aim for big things like killing the devil, closing the gates of hell, before learning to settle for more realistic goals, like, staying alive, keepin your brother alive, savoring the occasional win, y’know, for the sake of your mental health. Anyhoo; Sam’s reaction on finding out Mary gave the Colt to the british men of letters might have been enough put it on the fave list but there are just so many icky characters and so many shots of Mick’s ugly beard I can’t let it slide. Plus Sam winds up joining these assholes. Boooohhhh!

12:20 Twigs & twine & Tasha Banes - Jeez. Petition to have Dean always justify his icky feelings about something w the Star Wars classic ”i got a bad feeling about this.” It would save time and my sanity. Also I have issues w Mary not being reasonable and understanding the basics about the life she and the boys are leading - you’re in or out, but there’s no finishing it w/o finishing yourself. Is this season’s big bad trying to annoy me to death? And the other hunters? What is it with this show and any other fun or awesome characters? Sorry, can’t keep ’em on, it’s a density-thing.

12:21 There’s something about Mary - Booohh! First Eileen, my bae (did I call it or did I call it?) and then the entire episode is full of The Big Annoying. First episode I didn’t bother finishing. Screw this season.

12:23 All along the watchtower - honestly I don’t get the constant jokes about IKEAs manuals, they’re all pictures, you don’t even need to be able to read to read them. Crowley <3 Plz spare me this show’s take on child birth, really just any show, (how is it possible that it’s so frickin’ hard to get right??), but especially this show’s. And Crowley. And Cass. And Mary. Such an intense bummer.

Honorable mentions:

Crowley blowing up Rowena’s scammer! And Rowena’s reaction! ”That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me!” Covered in blood. Priceless.

Cass and his sass is on this season. He’s so done w everyone. The exasperation!

The hug at the end of 12:22.

Dishonorable mentions:

Dean and Sam making a deal to get out of jail, kinda unepic w a predictable outcome.

Mediocre mentions:

The entire episode Stuck in the middle (with you) - It’s a Reservoir Dogs reference right? And it works very well until you realize that, then you just start missing Tarantino’s poignant dialogue about tipping (not fucking!) your waitress. The return of the yelloweyed bloodline. Bound to happen with Mary back. Don’t care about that but I do care about Crowley being back and being awesome. The Dukes of Haphazard. That’s good, I’ve just been referring to them as the Two Stooges.

The episode Who we are - There are separate aspects of this I like: Dean and Sam blasting their way out of the bunker, Jody and Alex, Dean dreamwalking Mary back home. Ackles is a genius with this sort of thing. But it’s just so silly: The british men of letters are just so unepic, it ruins everything, wraps it in a mediocre blanket: They’re bad at their job, have inexplicable motivations, are such annoying stereotypes the only way this would be a win would’ve been if Sam’s speech went something along the lines of ”I’ve had this fly buzzin’ around my ear all year, I could use your help squashing it.” But at least, then they do.

Summing up:

I’m rly enjoying the warped relationships early in the season. Crowley and Cass. Rowena and Lucifer, Rowena and Crowley. Sam, Dean and Mary. But my usual creed about the gooey middles of seasons doesn’t hold true this time and I rly feel like it gets good only when it’s almost over. And honestly on whole the season is the worst so far. The british men of letters are so annoying and they’re everywhere, tainting everything. Ugh.

#supernatural #spn meta #no longer a rewatch #no this is not a supernatural blog #favorite episodes

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bookenders · 5 years ago

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11/11/11 Tag Game: Rounds 14 and 15! (I think. I’m bad at math.)

Back at it again, folks! Thank you @ofvisitorsthefairest and @fictionshewrote for the tags!

I think I’m gonna stop counting them after these. I can’t keep the numbers straight.

Rules: Answer the 11 questions from whoever tagged you, then made up 11 of your own questions and tag 11 people.

Bilbo Taggins: @starlitesymphony, @hannahs-creations, @toboldlywrite, @quilloftheclouds, @myreidola, @minusfractions, @inexorableblob, @ink-flavored, @misfitgirlwrites, @writinginslowmotion, @aurumni-writes

If you like these questions, by all means, answer them! And tag me so I can see!

My Questions:

Make a Mary Sue in your story’s world! What powers do they have, if any? How are they better than everyone else? What is their tortured past that is a blessing but also a curse? What kind of unusual eyes do they have? Which member of nobility/royalty/god/vampire/demon is their parent?

Which would your OCs choose: Legolas or Aragorn? Which would you choose?

What’s your favorite trick to pull on readers?

If you were to teach a creative writing class, what books would be on your syllabus?

What’s your opinion on semicolons?

What’s your favorite movie, based on its story?

What’s the dumbest thing your character(s) have ever done? What’s the dumbest thing they could do?

What one item could you introduce to your story to completely derail the plot? Where would it go from there?

What’s your favorite MacGuffin?

How do you name your characters and locations?

How have your hobbies and passions influenced your writing/how you write?

My answers under the cut!

@ofvisitorsthefairest‘s Questions:

1. Does music inspire you to write?

Not unless I’m doing songfics as a warm-up or something. I usually use it as a tone/mood guard rail as I’m writing. That’s why I make story/character playlists! They keep me on track, especially if I’m revisiting a scene I haven’t thought about in a while.

2. Which WIP did you learn the most from writing?

My Romanian story, for sure. I had the help of my thesis director/mentor with that one, thank God. I learned how to establish a scene quickly, how to do flashbacks like other people do them, how to incorporate languages without messing up the pace or losing the reader, and how to write historical things.

I learned a whole lot about what not to do from my Story That Shall Not Be Named Because It Bad, too.

3. Is there something your OC should be afraid of that they aren’t?

I think Gemma should be more afraid of being found out than she is. I mean, she’s technically a witch (an unregistered magic practitioner, because of her potion-making which is classified as pseudo-magic) who has no social security number, lives in secret, and does illegal internet things. She could get into some serious trouble. There are even more nasty consequences that I can’t reveal because spoilers, but let’s just say she has no idea they could happen and they ain’t pretty.

4. Is there something they don’t need to fear, yet do? Irrational phobias?

Yep! It’s one of the cores of her character. She’s afraid of being left alone, abandoned, kept out of her found family. Being used for her skills and ignored as a person. I don’t think they’re irrational, but she has never listened when people tell her not to be afraid of those things.

5. Do you prefer reading physical books or e-books?

Physical books, by far. E-books for my college student wallet, though. They saved me when I didn’t have time to order books, too. I have a crazy good “where in the physical book did this event happen” memory. Like, I can name an event and flip to the page very quickly based on how far into the book it was. Very handy for citations. And I love the feel/smell of a book in my hands and all the contorting I do when I read one (seriously, I almost always end up upside down or completely sideways in a chair).

6. What’s some details of your world building that you like?

All the little things! Academic internet piracy network to help witches, how magic interacts with daily life, tweaking folklore to fit story lore,

7. Have you ever created a magic system? What was it like?

Oh, boy! Yes, I have made several. My favorite might be the one from my TV show where the only magic is healing/life manipulation magic. The way it works is that when healers do their thing, they physically take on their patient’s injuries. If you have a broken arm, now the healer has a broken arm. Works with diseases, too. Here’s the snippet from the Show Deck about it:

In the darkest corners and dingiest alleys, magic pulses through the veins of the downtrodden. Seen as evil and taboo, magic operates by the law of an eye for an eye, a life for a life. Sacrifice fuels these dark arts, and those who manipulate them are covered in scars and never-healed wounds. Healers operate in the shadows and lead short lives, field medics are scarce, and the king has two sorcerers by his side at all times, bound by a blood contract to give their lives in his name.

Here’s a link to some posts about my magic system in my current WIP, Heart to Heart! I made magic types based on different sciences and artistic disciplines!

We’ve got astronomy/astrology, carving/linguistics/physical art/symbology, politics/making powerful friends/handshakes/marketing/political science, geology/archaeology/product design. Also some secret types that involve psychology, sound design/sound engineering, and water treatment/environmental science/architecture.

There are also pseudo-magical professions that blend with tech and science, like potion making!

Here’s a decent explanation of how magic works in the world of H2H.

Here’s a joke I made about my magic system.

Here’s the Magical Aptitude quiz I made that tells you more about the magic types in H2H.

/end ramble

8. What was your first favorite book?

I’m 90% sure it was the American Revolution Magic Tree House book. Or one of those books. They were the best.

9. What time of day are you most motivated to write?

7pm-4am. Yep, I hate it. I’m trying to push it closer to 2pm-9pm but it’s tough.

10. If you could step into the shoes of one of your characters for a day, which one would you pick?

If we’re talkin’ H2H characters, I honestly would not have a preference. Everyone in that story is pretty dang chill. If I had to choose, I’d go with Jill or Treena. They’re both artists and artisans who have cool houses and great friends.

11. What are some little quirks you like to give characters? Ex: a lot of mine have freckles Just Because.

There are Many. A lot of my characters have curly hair because I have curly hair. Many of them are left handed (especially my sword-wielding ones). A bunch of them have scars. A lot of them know curse words in other languages.

@fictionshewrote‘s Questions:

1. What do you want to see more of in the book world? (more rep, more of a specific genre, etc)

I have a rant about this, but to sum up: fewer straight white men dominating publishing, more open acceptance for new voices and ideas, less focus on easy-sell formulaic stories, less prejudice against certain genres... the list goes on. Also, in the publishing world, fewer submission fees and more journals that pay.

2. What time of day are you most productive writing-wise?

Answered above! Evenings and nights. It’s starting to shift to late afternon to late evening though, which is a nice change.

3. Do you have a designated space where you write?

Nope! I usually use my laptop wherever I can sit down or stand without my back screaming at me. I hate writing on my phone, though. Too small, too many typos.

4. What kind of platforms/programs/tools do you use to write? (Word, notebooks, Google Docs, Scrivener, etc)

Scrivener! It’s so helpful for my disorganized ass. I only use Word for academic papers now. When I’m having trouble getting ideas out of my brain, I write by hand in a hard back spiral notebook. I can’t stand writing in journals without spirals.

5. Hardcover or paperback?

I like both. When I read, I sit weird and hardcovers prevent the pages from bending, but paperbacks are good for traveling with. And they’re cheaper. But hardcovers are so pretty...

6. What’s your favorite story trope? Are you using it in your wip(s)?

There are a lot of tropes and I can never pick just one. I like friends to lovers, almost everything in LoTR and all those high fantasy things, complicated political/family dynamics, etc. I don’t typically like to write the same things I like to read, though. I have trouble naming them sometimes, but I know I use a bunch of them.

7. If you had to send your favorite OC on a blind date with a character from someone else’s book, who would that character be and why?

Oh boy. I’m watching the Lord of the Rings extended editions right now, but I’ll try not to be biased.

If I were trying to be funny, I’d set Fred up with Aziraphale from Good Omens. I feel like they could have some good weird conversations.

Gemma and Nicholas Flamel from The Alchemist would be fun, too. Or Oz and Boromir.

8. Do you write scenes in order or out of order?

I like writing them in order, but sometimes that doesn’t work out like I want it to. Now it really depends on the story. I wrote the first part of AOPC out of order and it messed with my head a little, so I’m trying not to do it for my longer projects. My short stories are always written one and done, in chronological order, usually. Especially the ones under 2k words. WYSiOaD was written in order, then switched around to fix the flow and plot.

9. If your favorite OC was a superhero, what would their superpower be? (assuming, of course, they aren’t a superhero to begin with!)

I do have superhero/villain characters! Here’s some others, though:

Gemma - Empathy / Transferable Rapid Healing and/or Regeneration

Oz - Truesight / Invulnerability

Mel - Animal Friendship or Shapeshifting / Conditional Foresight

Fred - Domino’s luck power but backwards and framed like happy accidents that always seem to work in his favor. So... Mr. Magoo.

Teva - Earth sculpting or something like earthbending

10. Describe your ideal writing session.

I sit and I write a whole short story in one hit. Then I wait and edit another day.

I am a simple bean.

11. What do you think would turn your protagonist into a villain?

Seeing what was lost and having it torn away forever before she gets to claim it again.

#writer tag #writeblr #amwriting #wip #my wips #heart to heart #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #about me #11/11/11 tag #11/11/11 tag game #tag game

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toomanysurveys9 · 6 years ago

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started last night - finishing today.

List three people you’ve had crushes on. jacob (obviously), tito (back before i was with jacob - like middle school), and chris. Have you ever been in love with someone that you watched from afar? not love, no. and i didn’t have any crushes on people i didn’t talk to or whatever. How old were you when you started your period? i think i was like ten. it was on thanksgiving too, of all days. it was horrible.

How old were you when you had your first crush? my mom teased me about a boy in kindergarten but it was like 4th grade or something before i actually had a crush on someone.

How old were you when you were first head over heels in love? fourteen or fifteen and it was jacob.

Have you ever been in love with someone who made you miserable? you could say that, yes.

How bad are your worst cramps on a scale of 1-10? i had some recently that were like an easy six or seven.

Have you ever thrown up from cramps? i have not so far.

List three people you had a hard time forgiving. jason, christian, and my aunt mary.

Is there someone you are currently struggling to forgive? no one comes to mind, no.

What is the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? labor. contractions are no joke.

Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? i started my period on graduation day in high school. and our robes were white. luckily it wasn’t too bad, just a drop of blood got on my robe, and it wasn’t until AFTER we walked. but oh my god.

Have you ever had bad cramps in class? nope. i didn’t really get cramps with my period. i’ve only ever gotten cramps while pregnant.

Have you ever thrown up in school? If so, what happened? i have. i am pretty sure i just got sent home.

Have you ever left school because of cramps? nope. i didn’t have cramps with my periods.

Did your school allow you to have pain medicine on you? i think we could if we told the teacher we had it?

Did your school have a nurse? yeah. i think that’s pretty common with most schools, at least in the u.s.

When was the last time you threw up? i don’t remember. it’s been a very long time.

Have you ever tried to starve yourself in order to lose weight? yeah. in middle school, and into high school.

How old were you when you lost your virginity? the first time i had consensual sex i was fifteen i think.

If applicable, what form of birth control do you use? i’m not on any birth control right now since i’m pregnant.

What is your sexual orientation? straight

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? i have not.

Are you happy with your gender? yup.

What gender do you identify as? What gender were you born as? female for both.

Do you identify as “religious”? not even a little bit.

Do you identify as “spiritual”? nope.

Have you ever tried drugs? nope.

Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? nope. i have not.

Have you ever been drunk? many, many times. i was drunk almost every weekend after i turned 21.

Have you ever smoked pot? i have not.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? i have not.

What’s your favorite drug? i don’t do any drugs, as i’ve already stated.

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? i used to really enjoy liquid marijauna when we went to bars. otherwise, i liked to do shots of whatever.

How old are you? twenty-five.

Do you drink regularly? not anymore.

Are/were you abused? yeah.. i was sexually abused a lot.

Do you have a significant other? If yes, are you happy in your current relationship? If not, are you happy being single right now? i do. and most of the time, yes. it’s not always perfect, but i couldn’t see myself with anyone else.

Do you want a significant other? i have one.

Do you take drugs or drink to numb your pain? i used to use drinking to do that.

Who is your current crush? my husband.

Who is your current friend crush? i don’t have a friend crush. i don’t even know what that is supposed to mean.

Do you prefer tampons or pads? tampons. i hate the feeling of pads.

Have you ever used a tampon? yeah.

What’s your bra size? like 38d or something? that’s what i buy usually anyways.

Do you have a hard time finding bras in your size? cute ones, yes.

Can you still wear clothes from the children’s section? nope. i cannot.

Are you lonely? not at the moment.

Did your parents give you “the talk”? not really.

How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? they didn’t really discuss it until i had my period. school talked about it in fourth grade or something though i think.

Do you like going to the doctor? it’s not my most favorite thing in the world. i always feel awkward.

Do you like going to the dentist? NO. i hate it.

Do you think you are attractive? i know i’m not.

Are you happy with the way you look? obviously not if i know i’m not attractive.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? i don’t know. i hear both.

What was the last thing you baked? i put a frozen pizza in the oven tonight for jacob if that counts. lol. otherwise, i don’t remember right off hand.

Does your computer run slow? sometimes.

If you’re a Christian, do you love your enemies? If you’re a Christian, do you sometimes forget to love your enemies? If you’re a Christian, what’s your favorite version of the Bible? i’m not a christian so i’m not going to bother answering these.

Who is the most spiritual person you know? my mom’s foster family.

What type of surveys do you like the best? anything besides the bold surveys, or surveys that are mostly yes or no answers.

Have you ever accidentally overdosed on a drug? nope.

Do you have the same worldview as your parents? there are some differences...

What is your favorite forum game? i don’t have one?

Do you like to play Truth or Dare? i used to like it. i mostly picked truth though.

Would you ever start a vlog? no. i wouldn’t have anything to do for it.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for a celebrity? lol, no.

Are your dreams coming true yet? more or less, sure.

Do you struggle with depression? i do. What makes you laugh the most? wyatt makes me laugh all the time. Are you haunted by your past? occasionally.

Do you believe ADHD is real? yeah, i do. but i also think it sometimes gets over diagnosed, especially in little kids who are just being little kids. we tend to expect a lot out of them.

Have you ever questioned your sanity? yeah. What medical conditions do you have? depression. anxiety. asthma. Have you ever had low self-esteem? story of my life. Do you use a Magic Bullet? i do not. i have a ninja though.

What are your favorite things to put in smoothies? my favorite smoothie are the raspberry banana ones. i also put yogurt in it.

What does your apron look like? i don’t have an apron. i don’t see the point, to be honest.

What do you want to name your first child?

we named him wyatt robert. :) if he had been a girl, his name would have been adalyn sue. his sister is going to be named eliana sue though.

Would you ever name a child after yourself? definitely not.

Is there a guy or girl you wish things had worked out with? no one comes to mind.

What makes you nauseous? pregnancy. lol. lately i’ve been getting nauseous for no apparent reason. but i get nauseous if i don’t eat enough or drink enough or get too hot. or smell something my belly doesn’t agree with.

What are your favorite spicy foods? i don’t really eat any spicy foods.

Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid? i mean, there are pros and cons for both. being a kid was so much easier and less stress. but i love being a mom to my babies.

Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday? i guess so.

Did you feel insecure in high school? i’ve always been on the insecure side.

Do you think there are different types of depression? yeah.

Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? yeah....

What is the antidote to self-harm? (If you don’t know, don’t answer.) it varies for everyone. i still struggle with wanting to do it, but i’ve done good at not giving in to those desires because my kids.

Who was the biggest bully in high school? i honestly don’t know. i didn’t really pay attention to the people around me. i kept to myself.

What was your favorite class in high school? choir and english. and i loved history with sabo.

Would you rather have a daughter or a son? i have a son, and will soon have a daughter, and i’m happy about that.

Are you woman, man, boy, or girl? woman.

Have you ever written to an advice columnist? i have not.

What color is your Christmas tree? we had a white one, but i think we’re going back to green. the white ones yellow..

Do you celebrate Christmas? yes. i love christmas. i love giving gifts.

Do you celebrate Halloween? sure do. i cannot wait to take the kids trick or treating on wednesday!

Do you believe all Christians are evil and hypocritical, or only some? obviously i don’t believe that. whether someone is evil and hypocritical doesn’t really have to do with religion.

Do you think it’s bullying to tell someone they’re naive? no.. as long as you’re not saying it just to be a jerk. there are nice ways to talk to people.

Did you get bullied more as a child, a teenager, or an adult? teenager i guess.

Have you ever broken out in hives? not hives, no.

Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him? nope. i have a good doctor.

If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? my family doctor is a male and he does all the ob stuff and everything else. i’ve been going to him for years, so i trust him, even if it is a bit awkward.

Do you like Lisa Frank? i guess i did as a kid. i liked the folders and whatnot at least.

What gives you nightmares? lately, they’ve been nightmares about someone trying to hurt wyatt or me..

Do you dream in black and white or color? usually color.

Have you ever been in a car accident? yeah. one year i was in two. one with each of my parents.

Were you ever hospitalized as a child? yeah. for awhile (until about middle school) i was hospitalized every year with pneumonia.

Do you have a conscience now? well, yeah.

Do you believe everyone has a conscience? no. plenty of people have proven that i think.

Do you believe that drug addicts and alcoholics should count as people? well, duh. they are people.

Are narcotics safe? depends how they are used. if they are misused, then no.

Will you vote in the next presidential election? yup.

What’s your favorite zoo animal? owls or wolves or foxes.

Are you allergic to your favorite animal? i am not.

What is the best thing to eat with soup? i don’t know. i usually just eat soup if that is what i’m having.

Do you eat ice cream with a fork or a spoon? spoon... the only reason i could see using a fork is if were were totally out of spoons and had no way to wash them.

What’s your favorite country besides the USA? i’m not too sure, to be honest. i’m not even sure i would call the us my favorite right now.

Are you an adventurous eater? i’m more adventurous than i used to be. lol. but still wouldn’t say i’m all that adventurous.

Do you take risks? not really, no.

Who was the last friend who turned on you? he didn’t really turn on me, he just decided he no longer cared, if he ever did, and that was tito.

How old were you when you get your first cell phone? i don’t know. i was in sixth grade i think though but it was for emergencies only.

How old were you when you got your first personal laptop? eighteen.

Did you get senior pictures taken? my dad did them. :)

What will you do to save money at your wedding? i just tried to find the cheapest things that i could for it. there was a lot of do it yourself, as far as favors and decor.

What was the last thing you bought online? phone case for ashley i believe. my mom paid for it.

Do you shop online? not a whole lot, no.

What color is your bicycle? i don’t have a bike anymore.

Do you consider yourself unique? not really, no. no more unique than anyone else.

What’s your favorite coffee shop in your town? i usually just go to dunkin’.

Did you attend a youth group? not anymore. i did on and off when i was younger though.

Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class? i didn’t HAVE to, and it wasn’t for health class. but i did take one home.

Do you have any friends of a different ethnicity than you? i have like two friends, and they are the same ethnicity as me. i have had friends of different ethnicity in the past though. we just aren’t really friends anymore because we drifted apart.

Are you part Irish? i am not that i’m aware of.

Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? i wore white and my bridesmaids wore royal blue.

What does your first name rhyme with? nothing comes to mind.

Have you ever taken a poetry course? no. we’ve talked about poetry in some courses, but it wasn’t the primary focus.

Would you ever take a college class just for fun? probably not.

Do you like mowing the lawn? i’ve never mowed the lawn. i’m too allergic to do it.

Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline? a swimming pool.

What’s your favorite age for kids to be? i don’t know. i love the baby stage, because they’re adorable and baby cuddles. but i also love the toddler and older stage because they are learning so much and becoming more independent.

Do you think babies are cute? yes.

What would you name twin girls? if we were to have twin girls after eliana is born, i kind of like adalyn and emersyn. but i don’t know. it would probably change.

Are you named after anyone? my first name is after a character on a soap opera my mom used to really like and my middle name is after my mom’s foster mother.

Who picked your name: your mom or your dad? my mom. i’m the only one she named. she wanted to name erin courtney renee but my dad liked erin nicole.

What is your birth order in the family? i’m the oldest of my parents’ kids.

Have you ever been in someone’s wedding? just my own.

Do you want to have a bachelorette party? jacob and i combined our bachelor/bachlorette party. it was fun. went to kayla’s mom’s house and had food, alcohol, homemade water slide, some nerf guns, water balloons. then ended it with smores and a bonfire.

What season do you want to get married in? we got married in summer.

Do you dream about the future a lot? not really.

Do you think about your past a lot? not as much as i used to. but still more often than i would like to.

How good are you at living in the moment? i’m pretty good at it lately.

Would you be scared to meet God? maybe if he existed, but i don’t believe he does.

Have you ever questioned God’s existence? yeah. guess so.

Do you have a mirror in your room? i do not.

Target or Walmart? we usually go to walmart.

Is there a Kmart in your town? nope.

Do you think Jasper sounds more like a girl’s name or a boy’s name? boy. i’ve only known boys, but that’s not to say it wouldn’t work for a girl either.

Who are the cutest babies you know? my son. :p

Do you enjoy seeing wedding and baby announcements on facebook? yeah. :) i like seeing people happy.

Vanilla frosting or chocolate? depends on my mood and the type of cake.

Do you keep up with trends? nope. i don’t care enough to.

Would you ever go to Montana? maybe. i’m not really planning on it though, and it’s not the first place i think to go for vacation.

What’s your favorite foreign cuisine? italian probably these days.

Where do you do your grocery shopping? usually just go to walmart.

Have you ever moved to another state? i was born in florida, and then my parents moved us to indiana when i was a few months old. so technically yes but i don’t remember it.

Do you have a drawer just for socks? no. it’s for socks and underwear.

Do you wear mismatched socks? usually, yes.

Do you enjoy garage sales? i used to like them, but i couldn’t care less anymore.

When was the last time you prayed with someone? i don’t remember. it’s been a long time.

Favorite magazine? food network i guess.

How far away do you live from the nearest hospital? like ten or fifteen minutes.

Are there mansions in your town? i wouldn’t call them mansions, no. there are some pretty big houses though.

Would you decorate for holidays if you had a big house of your own? i want to decorate for the holidays since we do have a house of our own, but probably won’t this year. next year i hope to though!

What is your favorite planet besides earth? i’ve kind of always liked mercury since i did a book on it in like sixth grade. lol.

Do you believe in aliens? not the stereotypical ones, necessarily. but i’m not 100% confident in saying we are the only living organisms when there is still so much of space we haven’t even begun to explore.

Have you ever won a costume contest? not that i can think of.

Pink or red? depends what we are talking about. like if it’s a color of a car, red. but if it’s a pen, pink.

How late did you stay up last night and why? it was after midnight. i just haven’t been able to sleep well.

Who were the last two people you texted? jade and erin.

What’s currently bothering you? been a little crampy again.. i’m not sure why though.

Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yup.

Do you and your last ex hate each other? i don’t hate him - i don’t really feel any particular way about richard. i don’t know (or care) how he feels about me.

Have you ever been called a slut? it’s possible. but not that i’ve heard.

Is the person you last texted single? that was erin, and as far as i’m aware, she is single right now.

Have you thought about an ex today? just when i answered that question about him. otherwise, no.

Do you know how it feels to be cheated on? unfortunately.

What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? i honestly wouldn’t care.

Did you do anything productive today? so far, i have not. ha.

Would you ever get a tattoo? i have three and would like one or two more.

Where was the last place you traveled? we went for a walk last night.. walked to martin’s.

Is someone on your mind right now? wyatt. he’s being a trouble maker today. lol.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? i could but it’ll take me longer than saying it the “right” way.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i mean.. there are some things i would like to change..

What’s irritating you right now? feeling crampy and knowing it has nothing to do with ellie even being close to ready to come out even though her due date is only 3 days away..

#survey #surveys #personal #question #questions #random

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purgatoryandme · 7 years ago

Text

Between Scenes

Takes place during chapter 34 of Illuminate Me when Bucky and Tony try to sleep in the same room.

Tony stepped out of the shower, the sound of his wet feet padding across the floor painting an image for Bucky despite his closed eyes. He could hear the rustle of clothing (old worn out band tees and flannel sleep pants were Tony’s favoured pjs. He’d made jokes about sleeping naked until Bucky started guarding his room), Tony’s exhausted mumbling (would he be rubbing at the water caught in his eyelashes? Sweeping it away like he tried to sweep away his exhaustion?), and the spatter of water (Tony always shook himself like a dog to dry his hair. Never towelled it off properly - always goin’ to bed and gettin’ his pillow wet. Bucky’s hand itched to take over the task). “You can open your eyes, you won’t see my Ass-ets.” Tony chuckled, sighing when Bucky didn’t even crack a smile. “How long has it been since you actually got some sleep, Rip Van Wrinkles?” Tony continued to prod, nudging Bucky with his foot when he still failed to respond. Bucky’s fingers simply curled around Tony’s damp skin, taking a moment to centre himself, before he grumbled under his breath at the effort it took to stand. The world spun for a moment and suddenly Tony’s hands were gripping his waist. “Ok, that’s it. I’m not tolerating this anymore.” That was Tony’s Director Stark tone. Despite himself, Bucky whined a bit (he’d known Tony would get tired of his constant hovering, but he didn’t understand - he couldn’t be left alone. Something would happen. There were a million risks-). The fingers on Bucky’s waist tightened as he tried to straighten and push Tony back into his bedroom. “We’re not going there.” Tony said, firmly stepping around Bucky’s attempts to nudge him, refusing to let go, “We’re going to your room. C’mon, I’ll even put on the jacket.” Bucky stood by in confusion as Tony hurried off, rustling around in his room, before reappearing with his hair dripping all over Bucky’s blue jacket. “At least...” Bucky waved at his hair, trying to tamp down on the pounding headache that had been coming back for an encore appearance since Tony had first stepped into his (low-flow, excessively hot) shower. Tony squinted at him, “Do it for me if you want it done so bad.” Bucky’s hand spasmed and he frowned at it. He wouldn’t risk doing such a delicate task like this. He could hurt Tony- Who was grinning triumphantly (that little shit-). “If I can’t get you to prioritize your own safety,” He sing-songed, shaking his hair out again and snorting when Bucky wrinkled his nose, “I’ll get you to prioritize mine. Now let’s go to your room, Sleepless in Seattle.” “Wasn’t that a romcom?” Bucky mumbled, following in Tony’s wake nonetheless (as if he were ever going to do anything else - especially not after Tony responded, “I love romcoms. Maybe we’ll watch a few, braid each other’s hair - the works.”).

Back in his own room, Bucky spent the better part of half an hour trying to shove Tony into the safe place underneath his bed without words. All of his attempts were met with a swift and blunt,

“Hell no.” Until Tony simply rolled his eyes and climbed into his bed, quirking an eyebrow at Bucky once he was half-buried in the sheets. Bucky might’ve felt like complete an utter shit, but he was willing to focus his brain for at least a few seconds on such a beautiful sight (Tony looked tiny like this, tucked away in layers of fabric, the edges of Bucky’s jacket collar just barely peeking out from the plain linens - just enough to remind Bucky that Tony wasn’t completely undressed). The quirked eyebrow lifted a little higher as Tony wriggled himself into a more comfortable position (that shimmy was probably the most precious thing Bucky has ever seen). “I know you’re not one for talking right now, Oh Silent Night, so I won’t ask what the hold up is. Instead, I’m gonna tell you: stop having a hold up. Get under the bed, Barnes, or so help me God I’ll shove you under it myself.” Tony grumbled. Bucky’s exhausted mind barely managed to parse the good humour from the worry in his tone, hardly managing to shoot Tony a tiny smile before clambering into his hidey-hole. A sleepless hour passed wherein Bucky focused on Tony’s breathing (unchanged - he was awake, too) and on the door. Then, suddenly, Tony muttered, “Can’t fucking believe I’m doing this...” And slung his hand over the edge of the bed, hanging just low enough to be within Bucky’s reach comfortably. He’d even picked the right side. But...there was no way it was what Bucky thought, right? As if he were reading his mind, Tony sighed, his voice suddenly seeming so much closer than before, “The hand is for you, Bucky-Monster. I’m not dangling it here for anything else that hides under beds. C’mon, my palms are cold.” Hesitantly, head still pounding (how long had it been since he’d slept...?), Bucky intertwined their fingers. Tony’s hands were large. The tips of his fingers and much of his palms were rough with calluses, scraping against the ones on Bucky’s own hands. Tiny silvery scars peppered every square inch - Bucky found himself brushing the very tips of his fingers over them (Tony’s arm shivered in his grip, but didn’t pull away). It was soothing - having Tony here with him, actually present, focused on Bucky...it was nice. Nice enough to slip into a fitful sleep at last.

Since the universe hated him, Bucky shouldn’t have been surprised to wake up from a wet dream. He was surprised, though. Confused as all Hell, hard enough to hurt, and sweat-soaked, too. Fuck, fuck, Tony was right above his head- “Calm down, Boner Boy. I’m not bothered beyond the damp palms. Thought you’d tried to prank me with the old ‘hand in a glass of water’ trick and was pretty fucking offended.” Tony’s voice was scratchy and rough - still exhausted. What time was it? How long had he even been asleep? Against his will, Bucky’s hand clenched tightly around Tony’s, his sweaty palms making getting a grip hard (By Mary and a Catholic Priest, right, hard. This was the worst. It was like being a teenager all over again - go AWAY, think of something terrible, ok, ok, moving was not an option). “I’d be more offended if you didn’t have wet dreams about me, to be honest.” Tony was saying, sleep-rough voice fitting seamlessly into Bucky’s dream (where Tony’s voice had been roughened a different way) and nope, nope, not going there. No. “I haven’t gone to bed with anybody in long enough that a lack of interest would be an ego blow. It’s human, hey-” Bucky was never going to sleep again. Ever. Sweet Baby Jesus, this man barely tolerated him and here he was, perving all over him and holding his hand (he still couldn’t - he couldn’t quite let go) while he slept. “Was I at least any good in your little fantasy? Because it sounded like-” Bucky cut Tony’s rambling (rambling, not flirting. It was rambling. Probably nervous rambling) off with a miserable groan. “Well...” Tony mumbled, his fingers twitching in Bucky’s grip, “That wasn’t a happy noise. I’ll have to give my dream self a talking to.” Tony was shifting above him, probably ready to peer under the bed, and wow, no, Bucky did not want to be seen in this state. He tried to release Tony’s hand, preferably to cover himself, however found that Tony’s grip had strengthened. “Ok, the ‘you’re only human’ talk has never been my best work. I’m just gonna...I’m just gonna let that one go. Not let you go, though. It’s like...ass o’ clock in the morning and you haven’t slept NEARLY enough to go back to your brooding shadow routine, Sleepless Beauty.” Tony said, slowly settling himself back onto the mattress. His thumb was rubbing gently across Bucky’s knuckles (and not helping Bucky’s case at all - all it did was remind him of the one time Tony kissed his hand in excitement, what it felt like to have his lips brush against Bucky’s skin, the scrape of his beard-). “Maybe my speeches about humanity suck because I’m the really boring version of a cyborg. Whadaya think, Buck-E-Bot? Cyborg to cyborg, can you deliver inspiring speeches about the birds and the bees? Puberty? Piston action?” Tony’s laugh was throaty, whisky-warm, and far more intimate than any other noise Bucky had ever heard him make. It had him smiling despite himself, though shame still burned low in his belly. “The reason I look like this...it’s a virus.” Tony said, all traces of laughter gone, only seriousness remaining, “That and nanobots in my blood. My whole body is a machine now. I should still age, but it won’t be quite...right. It won’t be the same - I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to be a silver fox again. Robots dictate my healing now, the beating of my heart, the way my skin-” The hand in Bucky’s gains a soft glow, a map of veins standing out in the darkness of Bucky’s room, “Does that thing. Not human, any of it. My brain has servers, uplinks, Hell I could probably jam all that I am into a hard drive if I wanted to. I’m not supposed to be able to do that.” There was bitterness lingering in Tony’s voice, old and resentful and...resigned. Bucky didn’t have it in him to be resentful at his own situation anymore - he’d already lived longer than he’d ever wanted to. Resignation, though? He understood that perfectly. “My mama, she always said ‘Anthony, lover of romance, the romance of things - you’d put all of humanity in your heart if you could’. She thought it was funny, that her little boy didn’t like fairytales that ended in a kiss, hated magic, but fell head over heels for human connection. ‘The King mourned his fallen men, spoke to dreary dreadful death, asked it to come for him, too - ah, that sounds like love. You aren’t interested, are you, darling? Oh look at that pout-’ Always laughing at me. Kept teaching me romantic languages because it ‘suits you, Anthony, like a rose tucked between your teeth’.” Bucky sucked in a sharp breath at what Tony was saying, the way he was saying it - a Spanish lilt with something... (Memories of a riot, of many riots, of people shouting in the streets - something Southern in their speech. Open high vowels, -et, -eza, suffixes that were familiar but not. An older, rougher kind of Latin origin. Adéu) Catalan. Falling off of Tony’s tongue, the accent had never sounded sadder. “I always did like robots better than people, though. Give me an android and, well, you’ve seen Vision. I was going to say give me an android and I’ll be in Heaven, but I guess the real answer is: I’ll be a father. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised I wound up like this. The Arc Reactor was just step one.” The bitterness was still there, the accent lingering too, but...the resignation sounded a bit less like defeat. “So me and you,” Tony said, squeezing Bucky’s hand, his own still glowing just a bit, “We’ve got a bit of metal in us, yeah? Protocols to follow. Processes we carry out. Your body is just carrying out a process and, as long as it doesn’t affect the mission, we can both just see it as another cog in the machine, yeah?” Bucky released a shuddering breath, realizing he felt...calmer. Less like a shrapnel bomb waiting to go off, shredding the mattress and tearing apart the man above him. Who was less delicate than Bucky gave him credit for. “Yeah.” Bucky responds, squeezing Tony’s hand and willing his eyes to shut, his breathing to slow, his body to relax, “We’ve got a bit of metal in us. Makes us hard.” He huffs at the chuckle that slips free above him. They won’t be doing this again, so he should enjoy it while it lasted (this kind of mutual understanding between man and machine - it was dangerous. For both of them, but mostly for Tony. Still, Bucky needed sleep to defend him, so he’d allow it...for now). (When he tells Tony that in the morning, there’s an odd set to Tony’s brows that tells him Tony doesn’t doesn’t believe a word out of Bucky’s mouth) (He’s right, of course) (Bucky was a weak weak man long before he was a machine)

#Illuminate me #snippets #between scenes

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deanssweetheart23 · 7 years ago

Text

Cross My Heart

Title: Cross My Heart (Soldier!Dean AU)

Summary: Dean Winchester is a man who’s been to war and back, a man that’s lost loved ones and has seen too much to believe in love or fate or destiny. But when he meets a girl that radiates kindness and warmth, one that’s ready to love his shadowy corners and accept him for the man he really is, he begins to change his mind. And, when she shows him the darkness in her light, he promises himself that, no matter how hard things get, he’ll never let go of her. Because, he realizes, he loves her. And that is the beginning and end of everything.

Author: deanssweetheart23

Characters: Dean Winchester x reader, Mary and John Winchester (both mentioned), Benny Laffite, Sam Winchester

Word count: 7026 (I know, I know it’s a monster fic, but I promise, it’s worth it)

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Some language. Implied smut. Death of a parent. Loss. Mentions of blood and of the warzone (nothing too graphic). Bad marital relationship (not Dean associated). Domestic Dean Bean (yup, this should be a warning)

Author’s Notes: This is my submission for @jpadjackles Double Birthday Challenge. My sweet B, thank you for letting me participate. I had the time of my life writing this and I can promise you, it ended up being a fic very close to my heart.

Special thank you to my twin @ravengirl94 for answering my stupid questions about the US Army, and being such an amazing best friend and beta. Without her, this story would have never been posted.

My prompt for this was Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg.(I am not American so every detail about the US Army in this fic is the result of research. If there’s a mistake in it, I apologize in advance.)

And, without further ado. Enjoy <3

The first time Dean sees her it’s on his mother’s birthday.

It’s a sunny day, sky a soft shade of blue, summer slowly creeping its way into his life and, even though he’s not sure of a lot of things, he somehow knows she would have loved this day.

He can almost see her, standing in the middle of their garden, sundress blowing with the wind, a smile gracing her lips while he’s whining because there’s no pie, and it’s all so tangible, so real, that he thinks he can reach out and touch her.

Her image disappears as soon as it’d appeared though, and he’s back in the middle of a crowded street, on his way home from training, all alone, with no plans for the day and no mum to celebrate with because his mother’s gone and nothing can bring her back.

The thought pulls at his heartstrings and he can feel it again, that sickening sensation of missing someone so much that all of his body cells are aching for her and he curses under his breath, already loathing the day.

And then she catches his eye.

She’s just sitting there, at the bay window of the old coffee shop that always seems to have some jazz melody pouring out of it, nose buried in a book.

She’s beautiful, he can tell that much, but what really stuns him is the way she’s holding the dog-eared book, fingers grazing the paper gently like it’s soft skin, eyes skimming the pages as she bits her bottom lip, a wrinkle in her brow. It’s been a while since Dean has seen someone so engrossed into something and he loses track of time, forgets that he’s burning holes on her until she looks up and her eyes meet his through the window.

And Dean is speechless, he’s terrified because he’s caught staring, but she smiles at him, soft and warm and genuine and it’s the purest, most breath-taking thing he’s ever seen.

So, he does what he’s never thought he’d do on a day that hurts him so much.

He returns the smile and watches as she goes back to her book, fingers tucking strays of hair behind her ear, then steals one, two, three long glances and leaves, mind already drifting to work and how he really needs to call his kid brother to see how he’s holding up.

He pretends he doesn’t think of her for the rest of the day.

Dean doesn’t believe in fate.

He doesn’t believe things happen for a reason and he’s seen enough to know that good things happen to bad people and bad to good ones and that there’s no one out there who gives a damn about how broken this world really is, no higher power that protects and loves and saves.

He’s seen kids dying, seen soldiers that had been laughing at his jokes the night before spitting blood from their mouths in the midst of a blaze of chaos and bullets. He’s seen his mum dying, his father turning into a shell of his old self and he’s returned from war only to wonder why.

Why the hell did he survive while others died?

And he knows, that there’s no one to answer.

So, yeah.

Dean doesn’t believe in fate.

But the next time he passes by that coffee shop, a couple of weeks later, he still stops for a second and lets his eyes drift to that bay window.

It’s stupid, he knows that, and makes him feel like he’s a character in a stupid Hallmark chick-flick, but he goes for it anyway, because, oddly enough, he feels like he’ll end up regretting it, if he just walks away like that.

But she’s not there, and for some reason, the day doesn’t seem as bright anymore and meeting with Benny for beers later doesn’t sound as fun.

Trying to swallow his disappointment, he crosses the street, pointedly ignoring that little building that has always seemed like a little piece of another world in the middle of his town.

He doesn’t go back for a month.

Dean’s almost convinced he’ll never see her again.

It makes sense, of course, because she’s nothing but a stranger that caught his eye for just a split second, one of those people that are somehow supportive characters in someone’s story without even knowing it, but it still baffles him a bit, still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth when he thinks of her.

Not that he thinks of her too often.

Nope.

He doesn’t.

But she’s a nice memory, lively and serene, and the image of her lost in her own world, scanning the pages of a book like it holds the world’s most precious secrets always manages to put a smile on his face in the darkest of hours, because, admittedly, he doesn’t believe in magic, but it’s comforting to know there are still a few people in the world that do.

So, he stops by the coffee shop a couple of times, but she’s never there and he loses all hope.

And then it happens.

He’s leaning against his shiny muscle car, right outside Benny’s house, arms folded in front of his chest, eyes focused on the front porch, when he hears a loud thump, followed by a string of extremely colorful expletives he doesn’t even know existed, and he stops and takes a breath to remind himself that he doesn’t have to reach for his gun, that he has no gun, because he’s safe, he’s back home in the States and his mind is just playing tricks on him.

He doesn’t have time to really dwell on it though because-

“Fuck. Fuck, fuckety fuck, fuck.” Someone mutters, voice soft and surprisingly pleasant.

And he doesn’t even realize it at first, but he’s already next to Sailor Mouth, and when he mumbles an are you alright, ma’am and she turns to look at him, he swears that his whole world stops for a minute because it’s her.

It’s the girl from the coffee shop, cheeks a little flushed, hair a little disheveled and he wants to say something, he wants to say anything, but he can’t seem to find the words.

She smiles.

It’s gorgeous and genuine and a bit sheepish and he notes that if he’s thought she was beautiful before, now he knows she’s stunning.

“I’m fine. I’m just… Did I say all those things out loud?”

He laughs.

Even he is surprised at how easily the sound seems to bubble up his throat.

“Yeah, pretty sure you just did.”

“Oh God. I’m… It’s been a long day and I-��

“’S okay, kid.” He chuckles because she’s flustered and it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. Then. “Here, lemme help with that.” He offers and crouches to the ground to pick up the books she’d dropped, eyes sweeping over the titles quickly.

“Interesting.”

“What’s interesting?” she implores, brow raised.

“Nothing, just,” he smirks a little, smug and playful, then licks his lips, “I didn’t really know people are still into Elizabeth Barret Browning. Since this is, you know, the 21st century.”

“Hey.” She whines, but there’s a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “Elizabeth Browning is frigging awesome, man.”

“Sure she is.”

She’s bothered now, forehead puckered and eyes ablaze with a sort of brightness that surprises him.

“Are you –how can you not like her? What’s next, are you going tell me you hate Shakespeare?”

“Well,” he chortles, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, “I wasn’t going to say anything but-”

“Oh, c’mon. He’s Shakespeare.” She chants, spread-armed shrug as she stares at him in shock.

“Hmmm. Bit overrated if you ask me. Now Vonnegut on the other hand…”

“Of course you’d say that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? What could you possibly have against Slaughterhouse 5?”

“What could you possibly have against Hamlet?” she retorts, waggling the book she’s been holding.

“Look,” he tries again, titling his head to the left, “all I’m saying is the guy just whines too much, you know? And.” He jabs a finger at her. “He’s disgustingly sweet.”

“Right.” She huffs out, sarcasm laced in her voice. “Do you have a pen?”

“What?”

“Do you have a pen? It’s a simple question.” She states, then thinks about something and reaches for her bag. “Never mind, I got one. Just give me your hand.”

“I, uh,” he pauses, eyes drifting to the letters sprawled over his palm, “Sonnet 138?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What are you-”

“You should read it. Pretty sure it’ll change your mind on your whole disgustingly sweet thing.” She gushes, pink lips curling up in a self-satisfied smile that was one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen.

“You’re-”

“Awesome. Yeah, I know.” She says, Y/E/C orbs drifting up to meet his, and beams so brightly he can’t really argue with her.

So, instead, he grins and just stares because there’s nothing else he can really do but search for colors and light and life into her eyes while he listens to her speak, about Shakespeare and the sonnets and how she’s definitely gonna prove him wrong.

He stops by the bookstore on his way home that day.

Dean’s nervous.

Sitting right next to her, he drinks in the way she throws her head back when she laughs at his joke, the way her perfume blends with the fragrant smell of fresh coffee and, even though he’s so forever stunned by how easy almost everything seems to be with her, part of him is still terrified that he’ll mess something up and make a fool of himself in front of her, like a teenage boy that just had a girl say hello to him for the first time.

“So,” she says, drumming her fingers on the table, soft smile gracing her lips, “I got an important question for you, Dean.”

He hums and arches a sly brow.

“All ears, sweetheart.”

“Apple pecan, blueberry buttermilk or coffee, walnut and chocolate chip?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

She laughs.

“They’re muffin flavors.” She explains, reaching for the catalogue. “You said you’ve never been to this coffee shop, right?” A nod. “Well. You got to try the muffins. They’re the best in the entire town. So. Apple pecan, blueberry buttermilk or coffee, walnut and chocolate chip?”

“I don’t really, uh… I’m not a muffin guy.”

A scowl.

Eyes rolled skywards.

“Not a muffin guy?”

“Yeah. I… Pie. I love pie.”

“That’s because you haven’t tried these muffins.”

He chuckles, corner of his mouth curving up in a smirk.

“Kid, no offense, but ain’t nothing in this world that’s gonna make me give up pie.”

Her lips twitch at his words, something he can’t quite put his finger on dancing in her eyes.

“You mean like there was nothing in this world that could make you come to this place?”

“Nope. See, that’s different.”

“It’s different because…?”

He smiles, a boyish grin that makes him look, at least, ten years younger.

“The only reason I agreed to this is because you said you loved this place.”

“And?”

“And I’m clearly trying very hard to impress you.”

“Clearly.”

“Now, what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” she says, mischief coating her features, “that when the girl you’re trying very hard to impress wants you to try the muffins, you try the muffins, Dean.”

He laughs at that, but his eyes soften as they flicker over her face slowly.

“What? What was that look for?”

“Nothing…” he replies, scratching the back of his neck. “You just… You really love this place, don’t you?”

A breathless smile.

“Yeah, I really do.” She whispers, looking at him from the rim of her mug. She pauses for a second, seemingly thinking about something, then licks her lips and continues. “My dad… He and I don’t really get along, -we never did quite frankly, so when things got a bit tough at home, my mum would bring me over here for breakfast. It was kind of our thing, you know?” she grins at the memory and looks at the table, seemingly counting the grains of sugar she’d spilled minutes earlier. “We still stop by when she visits.”

He sees the serenity that has settled into her eyes then, notices the tenderness that’s basically strapped into her soft voice, and grins, because it’s almost as if her love for that place seeps into his bare skin and makes him feel lightheaded.

Glancing at the silver band he never takes off, he twists it around his finger and just thinks for a minute.

And then-

“My mum used to take me fishing.” He tells her, absentmindedly cracking his knuckles. “See, my dad has always loved it, but he’s pretty bad at it. And I mean pretty bad, kid.” He chuckles, rough and low at the back of his throat, eyes glancing out of the bay window. “She’s always lied to him about it though. Didn’t want to hurt his feeling. So, when he said he wanted to teach me, she just took me to the lake one day and said Son, I’m gonna show you the ropes here but if your dad asks, this was all him.”

Y/N laughs at his words, nose scrunched up in the cutest of ways and leans closer, fingers tucking a strand stray of hair behind her ear.

“She sounds amazing.”

Her words are like a stab in the heart.

“Yeah. She, uh, she was.” He rasps, averting his gaze. “She died. When I was four.” He pauses, hoping that she didn’t hear the way his voice wavered. “Fire accident.”

And he waits for her to look at him like he’s a lost puppy, waits for some pitiful comment to leave her lips but instead-

“God –I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“No, it’s –you’re fine, don’t worry.” He cuts her off but she hesitates, looks at him like she might want to apologize again, so he reaches for her hand, his knuckles scraped against her soft skin. “Seriously. We’re good.”

Cracking a small, grateful smile, she traces the back of his hand slowly.

“Well. I know it’s not what you want to hear but she… She would have been proud of you.”

And she might think it isn’t much, but he feels so overwhelmed, so absolutely floored by that statement, by the kindness in her eyes and that genuine smile she’s wearing that he wants to lean over and kiss her.

He doesn’t.

“Give it a little time, kid. You might change your mind.”

“That’s not gonna happen.” She blinks. “Unless you’re a serial killer.” A chuckle. Brows raised in question. “You’re not a serial killer, right?”

“Nope.” He grins, playfulness coating his features. “But you know what they say. Got to keep my options open.”

She barks out a laugh at that, the sparkling sound spilling from her lips and filling the space in between them with nothing but gleam and sunshine and, despite the fact he’s at a coffee shop with colorful walls and jazz vinyl records, all he sees, all he can see is the bright girl in front of him, the one that’s still holding his hand and smiles the most radiant smile he’s ever seen.

He’s never felt quite at home until now.

It takes him six more dates to kiss her.

He’s walking her back home from a carnival, small hand in his large one, fingers soundly intertwined together, and she looks so absolutely breath-taking under the moonlight that all he can do is stare, at the way the soft glow dances across her face, the way her eyes shine like diamonds, the way her lips curve up into the perfect smile.

So, when they stop under a lamppost and he says something that makes them both laugh until they can’t breathe, he gathers every ounce of courage, presses his forehead against hers, clasps the side of her face with his hand, and when her eyes flutter shut for just a second, he slowly ducks in and brushes his lips against hers.

It’s a ghost of a kiss, breathy and attentive at first, but then she whimpers into his mouth and he deepens it, winds an arm around her waist and, God, she tastes like whiskey and cinnamon and that cherry pie they shared earlier.

He’s never tasted anything better.

Dean’s happy.

It’s been there for a while now, he supposes, hidden in secret smiles and quiet afternoons spent in that coffee shop she loves so much, but it hasn’t really hit him, not until he sees her in his kitchen on a Saturday morning.

She’s just standing in front of the counter, dressed in one of his crisp white shirts, coffee pot in hand while she hums a familiar tune under her breath and he stares at her, bones turning into liquid at the way she moves into the little room like she’s always belonged there, and he can feel it, he can feel happiness and serenity and warmth pulling at his heartstrings.

Quietly, he wraps his arms around her waist and presses his lips against that soft spot on her neck that never fails to make her shudder.

“Mmmm. Good morning to me.” He mumbles, the words caressing her skin while they make their way into the fresh morning air.

She laughs then, that bright, lively laugh that he’s come to love and turns around to face him, hands finding their way around his neck within seconds.

“There you are, sleepyhead.” She murmurs, pecking the corner of his mouth. “I thought you’d never get out of bed.”

Instead of replying, he smirks, all playfulness and mischief, lifts her up and sets her on the counter, long fingers caressing the side of her face gently.

“Yeah, well” he starts, tucking a strand stray of hair behind her ear, “I didn’t exactly get much sleep last night.”

“Or maybe you’re just getting old.”

Growling, he rolls his eyes at her raised brows and gets an arm around her shoulders.

“’M gonna pretend I didn’t hear that because you’re cute and last night was pretty awesome.” He gloats, nudging his nose up against hers.

“Awesome, huh?”

“Kid, you have no idea.” He hums and leans in to kiss her, lazy and soft, grinning a little into it because, dammit, it’s a good day.

It’s all pastel touches and warm lips after that and when they finally break off, he braces his forehead against hers and takes a deep breath.

“You look good in that shirt by the way.” He whispers, parting her legs with his thigh and wrapping them around his waist.

She beams at him, cheeks going a bit pinkish.

“I do?”

“Yeah. As a matter of fact,” he starts, fingers undoing some buttons as they work their way down her breasts, “I think it looks better on you.”

She chuckles at that but then he latches his mouth on her neck and she sighs, that little sigh that lets him know he’s doing everything just right, the one he loves to pull out of her whenever he can, and, Jesus, he wants to-

“Easy there, cowboy.” She chuckles. “We got a date with your brother in a couple of hours.”

“Yeah, I know.” He says, tone matter of fact as his lips move along her sternum. “He can,” another kiss, “wait.”

“No, he can’t.” she objects, but he can feel her heartbeat against his chest, knows exactly the kind of effect his ministrations have on her. “D., I’m serious about this.”

“Hmmm,” he hums, sucking a kiss into her collarbone.

“Okay, you really need to,” she pants a little, “you need to stop that. We can’t be late.”

“Why not?” he implores, pulling back.

“Because I can’t just… I mean, I want…” she huffs out a breath in frustration, clearly struggling with her thoughts, then purses her lips and drops her eyes to the floor. “What if your brother doesn’t like me?”

“Not like –kid, how could someone not like you?”

“I dunno,” she shrugs, clutching at his arm, “why don’t you ask my dad?”

And he knows it’s not supposed to sound bitter, he knows she’s just being sarcastic, but he can still taste the sourness in his own tongue, because it’s something that could have dropped from his lips, because sometimes he can see shadowy corners of himself in her lightness, can see scars that for some messed up reason match his.

“Yeah, but to Sam’s defense, your dad’s a dick. My brother’s a good kid.”

“I know that but-”

Warm lips brush up against hers, soft but persistent, and for a moment, she loses herself completely in him and everything he is.

“You worry too much, sweetheart.”

“Well, I can’t really-”

“Sssh. Lemme help with that.” He breathes against her ear as he nibbles on her lobe, hand sliding from her waist to the inside of her thighs.

“You are so not helping.” She chuckles, breathy and loose.

He hums.

“D., you really have to stop. I have to go back home.”

“You know,” Dean says as he tugs her closer, pecking her forehead sweetly, “this would all be easier if you just lived here.”

The words are out of his mouth almost immediately and she freezes and goes tense under his arms while the whole room falls silent.

And, so, he waits.

He waits for one, two, three long bits and, when she still doesn’t speak, he begins to second-guess his own self, and starts to think that maybe it’s too big of a step for them to make, or that perhaps she doesn’t want to move in with someone who can’t even whisper those three little words to her, someone who’s less than anything she’ll ever deserve.

“Are you…” she lets out a chuckle and grazes his back with her fingers nervously, eyes wide and confused. “D., do you really mean that?”

Licking his lips, he nods and tucks some hair behind her ear.

“You spend most of the time here anyways.”

“Yeah, but do you want me here? Because what we have right now-”

“What we have right now is great.” Dean interrupts her and intertwines his fingers with hers soundly, smiling when he feels her squeezing in response.

“That’s what I’m saying. And I don’t want you to-”

“No, just…” he shushes her with a finger on the lips and chuckles a little at her adorable pout. “You asked me what I want, right?”

She nods.

“I want to have this. Every day. With you.” He explains, kissing her wrist. “So,” he locks eyes with her, all openness and softness, “move in with me.”

And he expects her to say yes, expects her to laugh and squeal and giggle in his arms, but instead, she ducks in, smooths her thumb over his jaw and kisses him, deep and ardent, and when her fingers sink into his hair he thinks that, yeah, he could really get used to this.

“I guess we’re doing this then.”

“God, yes…” She breathes, face breaking into a breathless smile, so bright and so sunny that it reminds him of spring and sunflowers.

So, he chuckles and kisses her, fingertips traveling to the junction of her thigh and hip slowly.

Moaning a bit, she squeezes her legs around his waist and he smirks against her mouth and hoists her into his arms.

“Dean, what on Earth are you-”

“’M taking you back to bed,” he hushes her, pressing his lips against hers.

“Your brother is-”

“Don’t care. Want you, sweetheart.” He rasps, mouth up her jaw. “Want you so much.”

Being late for lunch turned out to be just fine.

Dean’s in love with her.

He has been for a long time, maybe even since the very beginning, but the deeper he dives into her, grasping quirks and scars and warmth, the freer he falls, feelings he didn’t even know existed wrapping around his heart like vines and reviving every withered, every dead cell.

It’s something that’s always there, in boisterous afternoons spent within the crowds, joined hands a cardinal proof that he’s not alone anymore, in quick kisses and witty remarks whispered during hurried coffee dates on bustling days, but the sentiment is always louder, always purer in moments like this, moments of stagnation, when his whole world is wrapped up in her scent and the sound of her voice and the feel of her skin on his.

As if she’s just read his mind and knows he’s thinking of her, Y/N stretches out in the hammock, cat-like, and nuzzles his chest adorably, prompting a soft chuckle from him.

“You falling asleep on me, sweetheart?” he whispers, combing his fingers through her hair.

“Mmmm… ‘M just tired.”

“Told you we shouldn’t have driven four hours to see this place.” He teases and before he even has the chance to add anything she opens her eyes and growls at him, irritation coating her features. “Can’t see why you love it so much.”

“New Hampshire is gorgeous and you know it, heathen.” She gushes, ruffling his hair.

“Pffft. ‘S okay.”

“Yeah, right.” she huffs out, looking up at him. “You love this view.”

Grinning, he pulls her impossibly close, and locks eyes with her, in love with the way they shine brightly under the afternoon sun.

“Yeah,” he whispers, not averting his gaze. “I do.” A kiss on the tip of her nose. “I really do.”

He expects her to laugh, waits for her to blush or smile or call him a cuddly ol’ teddy bear like she usually does in occasions like this, but she just looks at him, Y/E/C orbs burning into his with an intensity that reminds him of lazy mornings and tender glances, of the nights he loves to spend plugged deep into her, smoothing calloused hands over bare skin, exploring edges and curves and pulling shaky whispers of soft love out of her.

It’s that look that pulls him right in, the one that mesmerizes and terrifies him at the same time because he knows exactly what it means.

So, he lets out a nervous laugh and mumbles a what? under his breath, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Nothing I’m just… I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.”

And he’s never thought that he could be that one good thing in somebody’s life but it’s so genuine and sweet-spoken that he believes it.

“You going all cheesy on me, kid?” he grins, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Shut up.” She whines, smacking his arm. “I mean that. Before you I thought I would –I didn’t believe I’d get to have something like this. The way I grew up, I-”

“Hey,” he cuts her off, thumb brushing against her bottom lip, “we’re not your parents. We’re never going to be your parents.” He promises, clasping the side of her face.

“D., -”

“Don’t. Kid, you have no idea how much I want this to work.” He objects and reaches out for her hand, interlocking their fingers together. “God, you don’t even know how much I-” he pauses, and swallows, all kinds of pent up emotions running through his veins, threatening to spill into his voice.

“How much you what?”

He takes a deep breath then and looks into her soft eyes, drinking in the way they’re staring back at him like he’s her entire world, the way her lips are pursed in an adorable frown, the way she furrows her brows in concern and she’s so unbelievably pure in that moment, so real, that he wants to let go, wants to stop holding back, to stop being so frigging afraid.

And so-

“How much I love you.” he whispers, just three little words, out in the open. “Sweetheart, I-”

“I love you too.” She cuts him off, propping herself on her elbow to straddle him, hands cupping his face as she leans in. “I love you so much.”

And then she kisses him like she’s never kissed him before, deep and demanding and a bit desperate, and, he grips at her, lets his hands wander beneath her sundress, and he knows.

She’s been the one for him all along.

Dean’s going to break her heart.

He should have seen it coming really, should have known that nothing good would ever come out of a relationship with him, but he’d been so fascinated by her kind heart and her sweet acceptance, he’d fallen so stupidly and insanely in love with her that he’d forgotten he was practically poison for everyone and anyone around him.

And yet, now that she’s looking at him, soft, wide eyes curious and concerned, he knows he’s going to break her in ways no other man ever had.

“D? Everything okay?” she implores, hand reaching out to touch his and he shuts his eyes closed for a second and lets himself get lost in her softness.

He blinks and nods, squeezing her fingers in response.

“Was that your dad? You sounded kind of-”

“No, that was –kid, that was my CO.”

“Your CO?” she repeats, forehead puckered. “But I thought you said you had the day off .”

“I did. I do…” he sighs, running a hand over his face tiredly. “He, uh, he wanted to tell me that I…” A glance that’s filled with sorrow and regret. “I got called back on active duty.”

Silence.

Everything around them, every single sound fades into the background until there’s silence and nothing else and even though she doesn’t say anything, Dean swears that every single thing she’s feeling floats across her face like a lonely cloud on the pristine sky.

“But you’re on reserve duty, right? They can’t just do that.”

“’S not that simple, Y/N. If they need me, they can do pretty much anything.”

She nods, eyes a little lost and face white as a hospital sheet and, God, he wants to take her in his arms and tell her that’s everything is going to be okay, but he can’t lie to her.

“So, you have to go.” She whispers slowly, eyes drifting to the spilled coffee in front of her.

“So, I have to go.”

“How long do we-”

“A month.”

She hums, biting on her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, orbs dark and misty.

His stomach plummets.

“You’re leaving in a month.”

He mumbles a yeah under his breath and notices the tears in her eyes.

He almost chocks on dry air.

“Hey,” he whispers softly, running a hand over his jaw, “don’t go crying on me now, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry.” She whines, sniffing a bit. “I’m just… D., I can’t-”

“You’re not going to.” He objects, reaching up to wipe away the wetness. She leans into his touch, almost absentmindedly, and he smiles just a little, despite himself. “’S not my first rodeo.”

She laughs, bitter and wrecked.

“That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Well, it should.” He smirks, all smug and swagger, even if he’s dying on the inside. “I’m not gonna die, kid. I love you too much to just leave you like that.”

She looks at him, looks into his eyes, searching for something.

“Do you promise?”

Instead of replying, he smiles, soft but honest and reaches out for her, manipulating their fingers until they’re laced together, then brings their joined hands to his lips.

“Cross my heart.” He vows and kisses her knuckles sweetly.

He lets himself store the feeling of skin against lips on memory but the serenity that simple intimacy gives him evaporates almost immediately, because his mind drifts to the small velvet box that’s been hiding in the pocket of his leather jacket for almost a month, the one with the elegant diamond ring his mum used to own.

And he prays to God he’ll get to keep his promise.

Dean’s been gone for 240 days.

He sends letters, even calls when he can, but she misses him, misses his scent and his smile, the way he throws his entire body into laughter, the way his eyes shine like caramel when the light catches them just right.

But she holds on.

She reads all the messy scribbles he sends, no matter how bedraggled and jumbled they are, listens to his gruff voice as it blends with the sound of static when he tells her he misses her and he can’t wait to kiss the hell out of her again, drives around his Baby with love and makes sure Sam’s doing okay just like she promised him she’d do.

And she waits.

She waits and hopes, no matter how much it tears her apart, because there’s nothing else she can do.

And then there’s a knock on the door one day.

She’s in the kitchen with Benny, making dinner for them and his girlfriend, when she hears it, a loud thump that sounds like a porcelain heart breaking.

Slowly, she reaches out for the towel, but Benny beats her to it, laying a hand over her shoulder.

“I got it, Muffin. Emily’s probably here early anyways.” He tells her, blue eyes lighting up in adoration and she chuckles a little at how love-struck he looks, and goes back to stirring the pasta, throwing a Call me if you need anything and for God’s sake, don’t have sex on my couch over her shoulder.

And she waits for Benny’s warm voice to echo in the rooms of the house, waits for Emily’s laugh to fill the place, waits for them to come into the kitchen, Benny’s hand wrapped around her waist, no matter how much the blonde woman claims to hate it, but nothing happens and she knows something is wrong.

So, she almost storms into the living room and stops dead in her track as soon as she sees them.

Sam standing at the door, tears in his eyes.

Dean’s dog-tag in Benny’s hands.

And she knows what that means, they all know what that means, but she still shakes her head, wraps her arms around her middle and mutters a broken no under her breath.

“Y/N, I-” Sam starts, taking a step forward, voice hoarse and numb.

“No. This can’t –there must have been some sort of mistake. Dean can’t –he’s not…” she chocks, despite the tightness in her throat.

“There was a road side bomb.” Sam tries to explain, taking a tentative step forward. “Dean –he was at a convoy somewhere with his team.”

“No.” she almost screams, bumping into the sofa. “He’s not…. He promised me. He said he’d come back, he…” she pauses and takes a deep breath, tears streaming down her face, then runs a hand over it. “I got one of his letters yesterday, he can’t just-”

“They were ambushed, Y/N. No one –only one person survived the explosion and he’s in critical condition. The bodies, they’re…. charred up, no one can know-”

“So maybe he wasn’t there.” She cries, hope floating across her face “Maybe this is some sort of mistake and he’s-”

“He’s not. He’s… Y/N, my brother’s dead.”

My brother’s dead.

The words echo soundlessly into her head as Dean’s smile flashes before her eyes.

She remembers the first time she saw him, remembers how bright his eyes were as he helped her pick up the books she’d dropped and teased her about Shakespeare.

There was a road side bomb.

She remembers the look of pure interest and concentration on his face as she talked to him about her favorite book on their first date, remembers the way his eyes sparkled every time he talked about Sammy.

Dean –he was at a convoy somewhere with his team.

She remembers the way his lips felt against her own every time he kissed her, the way their bodies always fit together like pieces of the same puzzle, the way he worshiped here, passion and lust blending with tenderness and love every time he wrapped himself around her.

The bodies, they’re…. charred up

She remembers the nights they spent laying side by side after he’d woken up from yet another nightmare, looking at each other’s eyes and muttering secrets to one another until they fell asleep, the days of pure bliss spent by the lake at New Hampshire, filled with swimming and love-making and laughs and soft, tender touches.

My brother’s dead.

She remembers every graze of skin, every whispered promise, every smile and every tear and she realizes she’ll never have that again.

My brother’s dead.

She falls into her knees and begins to sob.

She’s sitting there again.

The girl with the Y/H/C hair and the bright Y/E/C eyes that found love in that small coffee shop is sitting next to the bay window, a Vonnegut book in hand while she sips at her beverage leisurely.

But she’s different now. She drives a 67 Chevy Impala and always wears a dog tag around her neck. She doesn’t radiate hope and bliss like she used to and doesn’t believe in magic anymore.

It’s the first time she visits the coffee shop in six months. She’s tried to stop by before, tried to go there with Benny or Sam but she never made it to the door because everything hurt too much.

Everything reminded her of Dean, of the day everything started, of the day that signified their end even if they both hadn’t realized it back then, and she couldn’t let herself be buried in that blur of emotions that just wouldn’t let her be, wouldn’t let her breathe properly.

Today’s different though.

Today she knows that they would have gone there together, so she’s there, sitting at the table they used to sit, pretending that he’s there with her, that he holds her hand and whispers jokes into her ear, laughing that rich, warm laugh of his that she misses so damn much.

The bell above the door dings and pulls her out of her thoughts, but she’s too overwhelmed and too spent to care.

She hears footsteps, feels someone burning holes at her from behind and, God, she wants to yell and cry at the same time because she’s so tired, so absolutely drained from all these people that look at her like she’s a beaten puppy.

But then-

“You know for a birthday girl, you look pretty miserable.”

And she freezes because that voice is so familiar, it’s the one that has been sneaking into the corners of her mind for months, the one she wishes she could hear again, just once, and it’s loud and clear and there.

So, she turns around slowly and when freckles and broad shoulders swim into view the breath hitches in her throat because the man standing in front of her might look older than he really is, burdened with death and ghosts of loved ones and loss, he might look worn out and tired, but his eyes, those eyes that can turn into a million different shades of green in the blink of an eye, are as bright as she remembers them when they lock into hers.

“You’re –you’re back. You’re alive.” She stutters stupidly, tears glistening as she gets on her feet.

“Well,” he smiles that crooked smile she’s missed so much, scratching the back of his neck nonchalantly, “I promised, didn’t I?”

And it’s all she needs to hear, everything she needs to know, it’s an answer that’s so simple, so solely and uniquely Dean, that she breaks into sobs in the middle of the coffee shop until his large hands wrap around her waist, pull her to his solid chest and squeeze like he’s afraid she’s not real, that someone will take her away from him again.

“Ssssh,” he coos, kissing the top of her head softly “it’s okay. I’ve got you now, sweetheart.”

Another sob rips through her and she clutches at his shirt, body wracking with defeat.

“They said –they told me you were dead.”

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Dean drops another kiss on her hair and then cups her chin and forces her to look at him, eyes dark and filled with unshed tears, a fading scar between his brows.

“They thought I was.” he explains, dabbing away the saltiness. “After the bomb went off, I was... I was trapped behind enemy lines. Busted my leg real bad too.”

“Are you-”

“’M fine. The pain –I could take that… But knowing I couldn’t get to you… Knowing you thought I was dead, it killed me. And I was worried… When I finally found a way to get back here I thought you’d have-”

“Don’t,” she pleas, cupping the side of his face, “don’t say that. You’re…”

He nods slowly and sucks in a breath.

“Just,” she sighs in a whose, grazing his jawline gently, “never do that to me again.”

He smiles, the first real smile in over a year.

“Never again, kid.” He promises, voice wavering, mouth millimeters away from hers. “Never again.”

She laughs the laugh of a mad woman, broken and relieved and overwhelmed, and he leans in, brushes his nose against her jaw and ever so slowly, he captures her lips with his.

He tells her everything she needs to know with that kiss, takes everything she has to give, pain and tears, love and longing, and it’s like she breathes life into him all over again, it’s like that first kiss under the lamppost in the middle of the street on a summer night, a kiss that’s able to put all of his broken pieces back together and make him feel whole again.

And Dean tastes everything, drinks everything in and gives it back tenfold, knowing that he’s really back and she’s real and she’s his, she’s always been his and he smiles against her lips.

He’s right where he belongs.

Forever Tags: @jpadjackles @supernatural-jackles @ravengirl94 @percywinchester27 @hannahindie @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @trexrambling @pickupthatamulet @impala-dreamer @imagining-supernatural @becs-bunker @wordstothewisereaders @winchestersnco @sgarrett49 @myrabbitholetoneverland @iwriteaboutdean @ruprecht0420 @captainemwinchester @mogaruke @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @wellthatsrandomkek @jayankles @keepcalmandcarryondean @escabell @thevioletthourr @kathaswings @tiny-friggin-human @winchesters-flannels @akshi8278 @atari-writes @emilywritesaboutdean @ofloveandlonging @mandilion76 @polina-93 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

Cross My Heart Tags: @jensen-akf @samsfabuloushair @shamelesslydean

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thevalorieclark · 7 years ago

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Star Wars: The Last Jedi, or OMFG Y’ALL *heart eyes emoji*

I am Poe and this movie is Finn. If you don’t read any further, that is an accurate summary of my feelings right now.

I know there is so much talk about The Last Jedi going around right now and I am just one drop in a very large lake of thoughts but I can’t stop thinking about this movie. I went to a 7 pm showing last night and the crowd was amazing--a lot of clapping, whoops and cheers during all the right moments. Everyone was excited to be there and excited to see this universe coming back to life. It added a level to the experience I didn’t see coming.

There’s a lot I want to say and examine and I know I’m not going to get around to all of it. Stuff like Laura Dern as Vice Admiral Holdo, for one. Luke and Leia’s relationship is another thing I want to write for pages and pages on. Adam Driver’s performance just in general because he is amazing in this. There’s a lot happening in this movie and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to go see it again to really sink my teeth into every moment. But here’s what I took away so far.

I was going to try to do this without spoilers, but it’s just not possible. So under the cut are more thoughts on this, GLORIOUS SPOILERS AND ALL.

First of all, there’s a lot of explosion-porn, which of course there is. It took about one scene for that to start. But the explosion-porn felt even more artistically prettier than it normally does. And the new worlds they encountered and created were just gorgeous. There’s an entire planet that seems to be made of crystals and salt, which for some reason turn red when walked on? I don’t know, but it’s really nice symbolism for spilling blood on a previously pristine white field. The same planet is home to tinkling crystal foxes, which were gorgeous and cute.

There’s a lot of cute/cool alien creatures in the film, ones which aren’t “characters” per say but interact with the characters. They don’t get in the way of the plot but serve to enhance it and make every world they enter seem more three-dimensional. There’s one creepy animal that Luke milks, and then the animal looks at Rey with some weirdly sexual implication which could have, should have, been edited out. One kind of space-horse animal in particular serves as a good plot device, but also serves as this amazing indictment of the super-wealthy arms dealers, and gives Kelly Marie Tran’s character Rose a well-rounded sort of heart without which Rose would have been at risk of just being a flat fangirl character.

Speaking of Kelly Marie Tran--We’ve got racial and ethnic diversity! Yay, I’m here for that. It’s not just white male fighter-alien-white male fighter-alien-white male fighter-woman/princess character-alien-etc etc etc. Kelly Marie Tran is an amazing earnest member of the Resistance in this! John Boyega is a wonderful nuanced man who can’t decide if he wants to be a hero or run very very very far away! Oscar Isaac is quickly climbing the ranks to be one of my favorite humans in any movie ever!

There are women who are just... you know, there. It’s not just a room full of white dudes with Carrie Fisher being addressed as princess and standing in the middle. Leia gets addressed as General! A woman helps in Poe’s side plot... that is ultimately weird and basically useless! But it tells us so much about his character! And there’s a woman in it! Who isn’t a princess!

But there’s still no queer characters. I mean, I hate to beat a dead horse here but I think yelling about this got us somewhere with race, so I’m going to keep talking about it. I understand there’s not a ton of room for romance in a war movie and I’m fine with that. After all, I didn’t pay for a movie called Star Wars to watch two people fall in love. That’s what’s always worked for the most successful Star Wars romantic plot lines--they never really took central stage and they always served a bigger purpose.

But you’re going to tell me that in this entire universe there isn’t one single character who isn’t heterosexual? Are you joking?

And all this with the Finn and Poe chemistry right there.

I mean, would that have been so hard to lean into? Fans wanted it, the actors seemed fine with it in interviews, and it’s about damn time there was some romantic chemistry between people who were facing just normal death instead of meant-to-save-the-universe levels of death like Leia. And it’s not like the romantic plot line they gave Finn with Rose was particularly good.

They’ve even talked in interview about doing this! JJ Abrams (in Express, so... you know) confirmed that there would be some homosexual characters in the films. So...where are they? Just like there are characters who are now incidentally not-white and incidentally not-male, give me some characters who are incidentally not-hetero. It’s time.

Are they trying to set up a love triangle in the film? Is BB-8 the space equivalent of Poe’s dog? Who knows, but General Organa looks great.

Finn and Rose were...I don’t know. They’re a cute couple, I guess. But Rose is framed as us, the audience. She is a normal person in the Star Wars world, and our heroes are her heroes. It’s amazing! I love this character and I can’t wait to see more of her. For her to fall in love with one of the heroes seemed both really obvious (as in, who wouldn’t fall in love with their hero?) and not earned literally at all.

The first time Rose meets Finn she fan girls over him...and then basically arrests him for being a coward. This should bring down her idea of him as a hero, right? Oh, he’s just like us, he gets scared sometimes. Nope, never see that happen.

The two come up with a plot together to save the Rebels. Great. So far so good. They go to Poe, who sends them out while he stays on the ship to protect the Rebels the best way he knows how while General Organa lies in a coma. Finn and Rose are off to the races--literally. They go to a place that is basically the Star Wars equivalent of Monaco, which is beautiful and fun on the outside but really disgusting and amoral and horrifying once you scratch the surface. They free a bunch of space-horses who are adorable and get Finn and Rose out of harm’s way for a minute or two. Rose is in control and Finn is mostly just along for the ride.

They get on a ship, head toward the First Order ship to commit some sabotage, they’re betrayed by Benicio del Toro playing Benicio del Toro, they get arrested by the bad guys who recognize Finn from his stormtrooper days, and barely make it out alive when BB-8 comes to the rescue for the fifth time or so. Seriously, this droid is the real MVP here.

They meet up with the rebels on aforementioned gorgeous ice planet, Poe is wildly excited to see BB-8 and they have this adorable human/dog moment, and then back to fighting. In this, the odds are of course against them, and they look like they’re going to lose but Finn gets really stubborn and goes on a one-man suicide mission even though Poe and Rose are telling him to bail out.

Rose decides to save Finn’s life, almost getting herself killed in the process. She delivers what could have been a great line: “That’s how we win. Not by killing those we hate, but by saving those we love.”* Except it’s punctuated by her kissing him, which he doesn’t even see coming, and then she faints.

*Something to this extent. I can’t find the quote online yet, but that’s the gist.

It’s just... frustrating. Because of course the young star-eyed girl falls in love with the hero guy, who barely notices her. They make a good team but there’s no hint that he sees her that way. It’s debatable that maybe he does right at the end when he puts a blanket over her, except she’s unconscious. Plus, that moment seems to be more focused on underscoring Rey’s feelings about missing Finn and trying to figure out what his relationship is with Rose.

You know what would have been a better outcome? Rose realizing she’s equal to the other heroes of the Resistance. Maybe she’s not Leia Organa or Rey or Finn, but her contribution matters. She knows Finn is just another human (he got scared! he tried to run!) and now she’s a hero herself. And maybe soon people will know her name. What a wonderful arc for this character! And what an inspiring arc for young girls (and young people in general) seeing their heroes and watching a “nobody” become a hero too. Anyone can become a hero, there is no such things as nobodies, you don’t have to be strong in the Force like Rey or Luke to be a hero. Strong in the Force is something Rey doesn’t have much of a choice with. Rose gets to make choices and those choices lead her to be a hero.

The kiss and declaration of love felt shoe-horned in. It cheapened the character growth both of those characters went through. And it felt like a forced way to amp up the tension between Rey and Finn.

They also seem to be setting up Rey to have several potential love interests? She asks after Finn repeatedly throughout the movie. There’s some feeling of flirtation when she finally meets Poe. The chemistry between Rey and Kylo Ren seems mostly about being on opposing sides and trying to convert the other, but there also seemed to be a bit of attraction confused into it. They both need saving and want to save the other, and importantly they also both see the other as a potential savior. There’s a draw there, an attraction. They need each other.

And I get it--all of these (Rose/Finn, Rey/anyone, even Finn/Poe) are “Thank God we’re alive” romance. It’s “we don’t actually have much in common but we’re both here and going through this intense thing” emotion. Emotions are heightened, and so what could have just been curiosity becomes attraction and lust. I get it. That’s a very human thing. But please, fight it. Lean into romantic storylines that build up the story and character arcs overall, not undermine it.

Okay. Goodness. And I haven’t even talked much about the main characters or plot lines yet. Y’all, this movie just has so much to chew on.

So, Rey and Kylo Ren, or Ben as she calls him (his given name from his parents Leia and Han Solo). Their best performances are mostly with each other. A lot of the movie, plot and pacing, hinges on this chemistry and it delivers. God Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver are good together. For the first half of the movie Rey and Kylo are talking despite being in different parts of the universe because their minds are connected by the Force. It creates this intimacy that allows us to see Kylo Ren’s conflicted emotions, to get to know them both as they start to grapple with making difficult decisions in a difficult world. They finally end up in a room together, and Kylo is made to kill his “true enemy.” It’s dramatic. Finally, he chooses to save Rey and they team up to kill high ranking members of the First Order.

There’s a moment after this bloodbath where Ben reaches out and asks Rey to be on his team; they could create some kind of new world together. Ben doesn’t want to be part of the First Order anymore, but when he asks Rey to come with him, no one really knows where that leads. Could it be a more peaceful world? We have no idea. Maybe. And I think Rey’s decision to leave and stay with the Resistance and the “old way” instead of finding a way to build a new world with Ben is going to end up giving rise to Kylo Ren being a greater power with less internal conflict. He destroyed his helmet to get away from the Darth Vader relationship, but his attempts to reach out--to Rey, even to Luke--have failed. There’s a very poignant moment when he holds Han Solo’s dice from the Millennium Falcon in his hands, but they fade away and he is alone.

There’s some moral questioning here. There’s grey area. There’s more of a chance for change, there’s room in people for complication, difficulty, decision. Luke wears black instead of white and Kylo Ren seriously considers abandoning the path he has been on. Rey even struggles, hoping the Dark Side can show her her parents, but pulls back to do what what’s right. It makes the main characters seem more believable. It would have been nice to see more of that from the First Order side (Kylo seems to be the only one there considering things could be different), but I liked what I saw and it seemed believable.

This movie could so easily be really political. It’s hard to ignore that the #resist movement in the US started up right as Rogue One came out and Carrie Fisher died last year, and that the movement is mainly about a fight against fascism in the same way that the whole Star Wars series is a metaphor for fighting the Nazis. In a way, the whole movie is political because it’s about a political rebellion, but there’s not a lot of politics talk in it, certainly not the way there was in the prequels. I mean, this is Episode VIII, so theoretically everyone watching knows what the war is about, but it would have been so easy for a character to give a rousing speech about making everyone equal in an unequal and unjust society. There are inspiring speeches after heavy losses, but there’s less of the First Order talking about making a more perfect society than I expected, and less rebels enumerating their cause than I expected.

The most political moment is more subtle, and it could pass you by if you’re too invested in the explosions. It’s in space-Monaco, which has a name I can’t remember, where the ultra-wealthy of all colors and races, including alien, go to drink and gamble and drip with diamonds and generally throw their money around. It’s revealed that most of them get their money from selling weapons to the First Order. Rose reveals that her family is from this planet, and when the wealthy took over, they slaughtered her native people by testing their weapons on them. It’s a pretty on-the-nose metaphor for the way settlers treated the First Nations people they encountered in North America, and for the way the Nazis experimented on non-Aryan people in WWII, and basically for every single way humans in power have ever treated humans that were not in power. Naturally, they also treat the poor and the animals (space-horses!) horribly, beating them and whipping them. In the basement underneath the floors of glamour and excess, young boys live in the stables with the space-horses, and are treated by their owners exactly like Luke was in Episode IV. (Do you already see where this is going? Good, me too.)

The whole city becomes a powerful indictment of being an amoral person in an unjust world. In a wonderful move, Rose has to teach Finn about it. Finn, a hero of the Resistance who defected from the First Order, has no idea what this place is or where it’s wealth comes from. It’s interesting because of the way it subverts our expectations in the US (who knows more about oppression and violence than black men in America?) and also because it changes what Finn originally saw as beautiful to representing everything he was already fighting. He had forgotten that their war doesn’t stop at the front lines, but extends to every (in this scene very literal) level society. He gets to destroy some of it, which is cathartic but ultimately doesn’t do anything because they can always rebuild; he has to return to the front line to fix this part too. Finn was scared before when he forgot what the fight meant, but we know he’s not scared now that he’s seen this. It leads directly into his suicide mission and Rose’s line about saving people we love.

The closing of the movie sees one of the stable boys with Rose’s old resistance ring. He’s sweeping and looking out at the stars, either waiting to be saved or waiting to start fighting. He is the next in the line of Lukes and Reys.

In some ways, I think that is what this movie is about--handing over the reigns of the previous leaders to the new. By the end, Kylo Ren leads the First Order. Luke Skywalker has died. Leia is still alive but is clearly grooming members of the Resistance to lead soon. There’s a wonderfully funny moment when we clearly see this: Poe says, “Follow me!” to save everyone, but they all look to General Organa. She looks behind herself and says, “What are you looking at me for? Follow him!” We know (not just because Carrie Fisher has died but because of what the movie is telling us) that General Organa is going to step down soon, and we’re going to be looking at a fight led by Rey and Poe and Finn and Rose. I for one, can’t wait.

#star wars #the last jedi #Star Wars: The Last Jedi #John Boyega #Kelly Marie Tran #Daisey Ridley #Carrie Fisher #General Leia Organa #Kylo Ren #Rey #Luke Skywalker #Jedi #Adam Driver

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weareallkosh · 7 years ago

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tagged by @lurkz

The last 1. drink: creme soda 2. phone call: a technical review for one of my parts at work. 3. text message: Sent? “This cat is the only thing I have ever encountered that expresses affection by buzzing loudly and nibbling on my elbow.” 4. song you listened to: "Angel of the Morning”, apparently. Go Deadpool soundtrack? 5. time you cried: I can’t remember. I’m absolutely certain I have since then but the last I can remember clearly is the first time I saw GotG2. Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: If you mean got back together with somebody after breaking up, no. If you mean had precisely 2 dates with somebody and never again... well you just described high school. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nope 8. been cheated on: I doubt it 9. lost someone special: Yes 10. been depressed: I mean, right now. But definitely worse 2013-2016, I was on medication for it and all. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Only once, never again shall I be so drunk. 3 favorite colors 12. blue 13. green 14. gray

In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: Indeed (we’ll assume Tumblr mutuals count) 16. fallen out of love: Nope 17. laughed until you cried: definitely 18. found out someone was talking about you: Well, I know @sithwitch13 shares the dumb shit I do/say with @lurkz, but beyond that not really. 19. met someone who changed you: everybody I meet changes me a little, right? 20. found out who your friends are: In the sense that I found out who a few of them aren’t. 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: I should think so, I’m married to one of them, she’d probably be upset if I hadn’t kissed her in year. General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 91.3% of them, and the others are friends-of-friends I just haven’t met. I keep my FB friends list pretty neat. 23. do you have any pets: two cats, Tonks and Fatty (who is not nearly so fat as he was when we took him in, and doesn’t really deserve the nickname anymore) 24. do you want to change your name: Not so long as people respect my desire to go by my middle name. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: @sithwitch13 and I went to the Hobbit Cafe up in town (exactly what it sounds like), then we went to Dave and Busters with a few friends - @kivat, her BF, some local buddies. 26. what time did you wake up: 6:40 AM, with the alarm and dreams of Tumblr discourse echoing through my brain. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: For once, I was actually asleep I think. 28. name something you can’t wait for: The Last Jedi 31. what are you listening to right now: Typing from the next room, a noisy dog upstairs. When I’m done with this, maybe an audiobook for a while. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I have a good friend named Tom, though we haven’t talked that much recently.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: the executive and legislative branches of our government (just gonna leave this because truth) 34. most visited website: lately, Tumblr. I also check Jezebel, Kotaku, and RockPaperShotgun way too much. 35. hair colour: light brown, where it’s not starting to go gray from stress. 36. long or short hair: short, but due for another trim. 39. piercings: That’s a hard nope... 40. blood type: Blue (sorry, bad joke, I’m Evangelion trash). I don’t recall the real one, AB+ I think? 41. nicknames: Don’t really have one. We’ll see if @lurkz, @sithwitch13, or @kivat decide I need one after seeing this. I use Ragnarok or Echani as a screen name a lot of places but that doesn’t count. 42. relationship status: happily married, but more romantic partners might be a possibility depending on the circumstances and the right woman or guy. Also... hasn’t been discussed to the point you’d say it’s a QPR or platonic partnership or the like, but she’s family as I see it and that means a lot. 43. zodiac: Capricorn 44. pronouns: he/him, though some days they/them would be fine by me too. 45. favourite tv show: Oh man. Babylon 5, The Expanse, both Star Wars series, Farscape, Neon Genesis Evangelion. 46. tattoos: several planned, haven’t found the artist to do them yet. 47. right or left handed: sinister (left) 48. surgery: appendectomy

49. piercing: only if stabbed

50. sport: to watch? Football (American that is), but only really college ball and only rarely. Playing? I don’t really anymore but I like archery and fencing, and really need to get back into a martial art. 51. vacation: Badly needed. Last that wasn’t just a weekend jaunt was up to NYC to visit. Next might be to Vegas or such. Really want to go back to Hawaii or Italy, or make a nice tour of the UK or Germany. 52. pair of trainers: Hans and Franz? (not sure what this is really asking, but I guess the Sketchers crosstrainers I work out in? Not favorites exactly but I have them so...)

More general: 53. eating: I recently ate some cheese. Before that, fajitas and a popsicle. 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: embrace sweet oblivion until another work day tomorrow 56. waiting for: maybe doing character generation for an RPG this weekend 57. want: to hopefully not see the start of WW3 (left because accurate) 58. get married: Already did, so the “get” part is an issue because the government won’t let me do it again unless I get rid of my current marriage first and... no. I could potentially see a commitment ceremony or something though if circumstances merited it. 59. career: rocket scientist (though technically I don’t work on the rocket part, I work on the astronaut part, and I kind of want to stop doing it) Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: Hugs generally speaking, though sometimes nothing will do but a kiss 61. lips or eyes: Eyes, so very much. 62. shorter or taller: Yes.

63. older or younger: Doesn’t matter, though close to my age is nice.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: matter less than the person, but both are... well, nice 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, at least as regards me :-P Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: No, not my scene 68. drank hard liquor: Prefer it; only have a drink or two a week though

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: surprisingly, no 70. turned someone down: In retrospect, yes, though I didn’t know at the time that’s what I was doing... 71. sex on the first date: Extremely unlikely 72. broken someone’s heart: Hah, I doubt it. 73. had your heart broken: seemed that way at the time, but I was young and stupid so maybe not 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: You betcha. Do you believe in: 77. yourself: I believe in the me that believes in me. 78. miracles: Not really, no. 79. love at first sight: Attraction and chemistry? Yes. Love? No. 80. santa claus: Not since I was very small indeed. 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: Shinji and Asuka took care of them.

Other: 83. current best friend’s name: Mary 84. eye colour: Kinda shifts between blueish and green depending on what I’m wearing. More green I think. 85. favourite movie: I can’t pick just one. The Matrix, Return of the Jedi, Dr. Strangelove for the top 3 maybe.

tag you’re it: @kivat if you want to, otherwise tag yourself (you’re it!)

#ask meme

2 notes · View notes

almaasi · 8 years ago

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reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x18 “The Memory Remains”

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06:42

new writer John Bring??? let’s hope he BRINGs something neat to the table (sorry i had to)

the promo for this looked intriguing and scary so i am READY

(director Phil Sgriccia. the best director imo, booty shots and bisexual subtext)

06:45

goddamn it, wrong file. 12x18 seems less available than episodes usually are at this time?? granted i’m looking for 720p x264 but still

06:57

while i’m waiting another hour (yaaay), i just realised, something i really like about Steve Yockey’s episodes (12x06, 12x10, 12x20) is that he puts his characters’ names in the episode title. ie. Asa Fox, Lily Sunder, Tasha Banes.

06:59

oh ffs i’m too impatient, i’mma get a regular sized download

07:21pm

okay here goes

07:22

still sad about mick

all that character development and cas-paralleling for notHING

they made us care about him just to kill him and i’m not actually sure what the point was

(to make us realise the BMol are the bad guys again, i suppose)

07:23

dear kid who’s weirded out by all the straight couples sucking face

this immediately needs more gay

07:25

okay no maybe it’s a good thing it wasn’t gay because that kid is gonna DIIEEEE

07:27

meredith glynn is a co-producer?? SWEET

is it weird i’m proud of her

like i know nothing about her but I FEEL EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED

07:29

dean’s worried about cas and his expression and mannerisms make him look like a sad child

smol bean with a gun

i feel like 90% of dean’s angst these past couple years have just been him MISSING CAS with all the force of a thousand suns

07:31

sam mentions dean missing cas, and dean immediately calls him “reading rainbow”

which i know is a reference to the book thing with LaVar Burton

but rainbows

dean’s like “i’m not gay you’re gay”

07:35

dean: “pchew!”

cas needs to marry this fuckin dork stat

07:37

i swear i’ve seen that background painting 5 times before

07:42

the newest instalment in the ongoing adventures of dean and recreational drugs

07;44

DEAN YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND STOP THIS

honestly cas goes missing for 5 minutes

like seriously have you tried masturbating maybe

07;46

thE HOT COFFEE THING

welp

i’m cringing and laughing at the same time

SOMEONE BRING BACK CAS THIS IS HURTING MY FEELINGS

07:47

sam is me right now

*heavy sigh*

07:50

DEAN’S SO FUCKING CUTE WHEN HE’S WITH PEOPLE HE’S ATTRACTED TO

HE’S SO CLOSE AND CUDDLY UGH

PLEASE GOD LET HIM BE LIKE THAT WITH CAS SOMEDAY ;A;

07:52

“3 sheeps” on the wall

definitely symbolism

sam says “uncontrollable lust” WELP THERE WE GO

inb4 unnamed personality-free pretty girl is a plot point and dean’s under the spell

*sigh* i miss the times when the siren-type creatures were dudes around dean

this episode really needs more gay, for real

07:56

something i’ve noticed

these characters keep getting described by their professions - ie “walking clipboard” for a health inspector, “the local badge” for the sheriff

i know it’s just a quirky script thing but it’s kind of rubbing me the wrong way

aside from darren, the sheriff, and the boss guy, none of these characters have names, speaking roles, or any personality and it’s fucking bizarre ?? now darren is dead, the boss guy and the sheriff are the last two remaining characters

also the fact that the one woman is nameless and exists just as dean’s lust interest is really not sitting right with me

that said, plot-wise it’s still better than a deadly duo episode

but that’s not saying much since it’s a low bar

i dunno, i was expecting more. and presently i am feeling more and more let down. (eh, let’s see how it goes)

08:02

obviously the sheriff is meant to be the top suspect, and the whole thing is implying black bill is a dude in a costume (made of fur, and this sheriff does taxidermy)

so i’m expecting a plot twist where it’s not him