#You said you wont break apart until the end

[alexanderpearce]

okay no sorry just remembered greenhill and travers

[bellawoso]

I Know Places

Ona Batlle x fem!reader

You and Ona had always been rivals, whether it was national rivals, or club rivals, you always seemed to end up on opposing sides in women’s rival teams.

England vs Spain. Barcelona vs Lyon. And now Manchester United vs Manchester City. With both you and the Spaniard playing for Manchester teams in the WSL, it allowed for you two to see more of each other and eventually extended your rival status to being friends ever since a bad tackle from the brunette, and a follow on instagram from her later that night.

After some casual chatting and the occasional comment on each other’s instagram posts, the defender soon asked you on a date, you were nervous to say the least, but the date went well and after a few more you were quick to start dating.

Being together for over a year now, and being able to live with each other, your relationship was going well. Escaping the prying eyes of fans and photographers was hard, but you and Ona managed. Together.

Until at the end of the season, over dinner Ona told you about Barcelona’s offer for her, it was no surprise the team wanted her back, Ona was well known for her amazing defending in the WSL, so obviously Barça had their eyes on her.

Although you were happy for her, it still hurt, knowing that there would be a sea keeping you two apart, but the both of you were sure that you could do it.

After she left for Spain, you watched every single one of her matches, and she did the same for you. Even after moving teams, she would still never say the dreaded words of ‘Manchester being blue’, which never failed to make you laugh.

Until a few months later, you recieved a call from your manager wanting to discuss potential transfers, you brushed him off quickly saying how you wanted to stay at Manchester City, until you received an email later that night, with a list of all club offers.

One caught your eye, the club offering you the most money was ironic. Real Madrid.

Barcelona’s biggest rival, Camp Nou selling out every time a Barcelona vs Real Madrid match was scheduled.

You immediately called your manager, telling him to accept Real Madrid’s offer, it was a great team, and you had met a few of their players before.

After speaking to your manager, you wondered how exactly you were going to tell Ona about your transfer in the January window, and settled on a simple phone call to break the news to her.

———

Ona was currently at a team bonding night, which were now currently just an excuse to crash at Alexia’s, watch movies and eat all night.

However, recently the brunette had been missing you more than usual, she longed to hold you tight again, and missed the privilege of living with you instead of in a different country.

So when her phone rang, she couldn’t resist waiting until getting home to answer it.

Unbeknown to you, the team already knew about your two’s relationship, after Patri catching Ona watching edits of you, but Ona cut of her teasing by saying ‘She has a right to’, which gave away the fact that you were dating.

“Hola amor” Ona greeted you.

“Hola baby, I have something I need to tell you” you said, your voice sounding serious made Ona sit up straight in her seat, catching the attention of her teammates, who mouthed ‘Que?’ (what?) at her in confusion.

“What’s wrong amor, is everything okay?” Ona asked, worried about your clear state of nervousness.

“No, no nothings wrong Oni, I just thought I would tell you that I’m moving clubs.”

“That’s great, where to amor?” Ona was excited now, the thought of you moving to Barcelona to be with her, like before except this time on the same side for once.

Her teammates had caught on now, excited at the prospect of you joining the team, you were a great central midfielder, Ona offer insisted on watching your games at movie nights if they were live, so many of her teammates were aware of how useful you would be on the team.

“Uh, that’s the thing, promise you wont be mad?”

“Why would I be mad amor? I would never mind wherever you go.” Ona and her teammates were confused now, and Ona was trying to think of the possible clubs you would go to that she would be mad at, however she didn’t realise she was kidding the most obvious one.

Lucy mouthed ‘Lyon’ at her from across the sofa, and most of the girls nodded in agreement.

“Real Madrid.”

“Que?! Real Madrid! Joder!” (What?! Real Madrid! Fuck!)

This caused an outburst amongst her teammates, who were also in just as much shock as Ona about your news.

You let out a laugh at your girlfriend’s antics “Guess we’re rivals again babe”

Your girlfriend only scoffed in response, and you could just imagine the pout on her face as her teammates chatted around her.

“Guess what?” You asked once again.

“Do I really want to know? Is it better news than what I’ve just heard cariño?”

“The first match I play is against you at Camp Nou!” You said excitedly.

Ona only groaned in response.

“I can’t wait to put a few goals past you as well” you said cheekily, as you heard Ona chuckle.

“You wish amor, at least being with me will soothe the sting of your loss against us”

“I’m sure being with you will just be a bonus when we win babe” you replied whilst yawning.

“Are you tired? Go to sleep amor.” Ona said.

“Mhm, I will speak to you in the morning?”

“Sí, buenes noches cariño.”

“Night Oni” you said before hanging up the call.

———

Your signing to Real Madrid was successful, although you were sad to leave your City teammates behind, you were looking forward to playing against your girlfriend again.

As much as your girlfriend hated any colour on you apart from red and blue, she had to admit that the white and gold looked good on you, Alexia had given her a firm warning to not let your relationship affect the game, but Ona didn’t need to hear it. There was no way she was letting you win.

———

The game was intense and Barcelona were already 2 goals up thanks to Aitana and Caro, you came on in the 60th minute, returning from a minor muscle injury, ready to make a difference.

The first goal for Real Madrid came from you after only a few minutes on the pitch. Barcelona’s defence were playing high, leaving you able to get past Ona and Ingrid, and then shoot from just outside the box into the top left corner of the net.

Whilst celebrating with your teammates, you caught eyes of your girlfriend, sending her a subtle wink and a smirk, and she returned with a scoff and a shake of her head.

She could not let you past her again.

In the 80th minute, Olga passed the ball to you allowing you to begin running up the wing, however as you were about to send a cross into the box, your legs were swept from under you, your head hitting the ground leaving a ringing in your ears.

Your ankle ached, and the harsh shrill of the whistle only worsened your growing headache.

“Come on amor, get up for me por favor.” You rolled onto your back to reveal Ona stood above you, worry evident all over her face, until in contorted to one of guilt for hurting you.

However at seeing your girlfriend you forgot all about the foul she just committed on you, and instead sent her a toothy grin, which she chuckled at, before helping you up and whispering a quick apology into your ear.

Ona accepted her yellow-card graciously, and you were awarded with a free kick, which you stepped up to take.

The free kick went just where you wanted it, and immediately found the head of Caicedo, to which she slotted it into the bottom corner, running straight to you to celebrate.

With Barcelona’s recent winnings, the evened out score was unexpected, and it was obvious that many Barça players were getting annoyed, resulting in more dirtier challenges, mainly directed at you.

The game went on into extra time, the referee choosing to give 13 minutes, however it didn’t take long for you to help your team find the back of Barcelona’s net once again, nutmegging your fellow English teammate Lucy, and passing it to Raso, who was able to tap the ball into the goal to put Real Madrid in the lead.

After 4 more minutes of defending from your team, the final whistle blew.

3-2 to Real Madrid, in a sold out Camp Nou stadium.

The win was unexpected after the long list of defeats Madrid has had from Barça, as your teammates went to celebrate with fans, you instead sprinted to your girlfriend who was stood with a defeated look on her face whilst talking to Aitana, Lucy and Keira.

As much as you wanted to hug and pepper your girlfriend in kisses, the fans and cameras would catch it, so instead you settled on shaking her hand and politely asking for a jersey swap with her.

When you successfully retrieved your girlfriend’s jersey, you told her and the others ‘good game’ and told Ona you would meet her at her car, before running off to celebrate with fans.

After signing what seemed like the hundredth jersey, and taking the thousandth picture, you retreated back to the locker room, and got a quick shower before getting dressed.

Your teammates asked you to go to a bar in Barcelona with the Barça team, it was sweet how they all still wanted to celebrate with each other no matter the outcome of the game.

———

You got ready at Ona’s house after she drove the two of you there with a hand on your thigh the entire journey home.

After the two of you were ready, and after you had to push your girlfriend off you for the 8th time she tried to keep you home by attempting to persuade you with repeatedly shoving her tongue down your throat, you eventually got to the bar, only an hour late.

The adrenaline still coursing through your veins combined with the shots and drinks you had drank with your teammates, supplied you with the confidence to saunter over to your girlfriend, and sit down in her lap.

Most of the Barça team had chosen to lay of the drinks, they hadn’t won and so didn’t really feel like celebrating too heavily.

This meant that your sober girlfriend quickly noticed your tipsy state and laughed as you sent her a toothy grin, finding her lap very comfortable.

However, as your sweet pecks on her cheeks turned to you trying to now shove your tongue down her throat, the Spaniard was fast to push you back, leaving you pouting whilst waiting for her reason.

“Amor, people could see, remember?”

You replied with a huff and a simple “I don’t care!” And the continued your assault on her neck, to which she pulled you off her lap completely, leaving you whining at the loss of contact.

“Amor, not here!” Ona scolded playfully.

“I know places baby, no one would see!”

Ona only shook her head at your statement, she was not going to go any further than kissing whilst you weren’t 100% sober.

“We should probably get back, I want you to spend your last day tomorrow with me instead of hungover in bed amor”

As drunk as you were, you registered Ona’s words and agreed with her, so you let the brunette defender lead you to her car, as she took you back to hers.

———

You did not remember much from last night, your splitting headache and sore limbs only an indication of how much you had to drink last night before Ona took you home.

You reached for your phone, and were shocked to see thousands of notifications from instagram.

Opening the app, you only laughed in response to what you saw, the candid photo someone had taken was beautiful and captured the love both you and Ona felt for each other.

———

barcafanupdates

y/n yl/n and ona batlle spotted at bar in barcelona last night.

liked by user1, user2 and 68,783 others.

comments:

user1: they’re so cute together

user2: rivals?! I want this now!

user3: stop this is so funny- the fact they’ve only ever been on rival teams.

———

yourusername

although it was nice hidden, i guess it’s now time for the world to know your mine

tagged: onabatlle

comments:

onabatlle: amor, te amo ❤��

mapileon: I guess I can tolerate a *gag* Madrid player for Ona.

-> ingridengen: Mapi! Be nice.

user4: and they were rivals…

user5: them casually making out in a bar after Madrid defeated Barça is my Roman Empire 😭

———

[barbies1shots]

more toxic sukuna 😔

you all are NASTYYY !!! yall toxic sukuna is not for the weak , heres pt1 freaks .

giving my thanks to @thataintyohoeee for bits of this idea .

☆ - TOXIC themes , choking , mentions of stalking , calling the 😼 'she/her' , full nelson , abuse , hints at cheating (sukuna) , mentions of manipulation , mentions of murder , mentions of suicide , body fluids, possessive themes , obsessive themes , reader tries to be a boss bitch but cant stick up for herself , this and YOU guys who support this is genuinely concerning

read at your own risk

toxic!sukuna who you broke up with multiple months ago yet still comes around, claiming that youre the only one he really wants. that no other woman can replace you.

toxic!sukuna who goes to the club the next night and flirts with 2 women before taking them home.

toxic!sukuna who send you photos and videos of him fucking them dumb but saying that they can never compare.

toxic!sukuna who shows up at your house in the middle of the night, completely drunk and off his ass saying that he regrets everything he did. the abuse and manipulation.

toxic!sukuna who presses his face into your chest, pleading for you to take him back.

"Please, please, i didnt mean anything i did or said. ill be better for you. i make you the center of my life, the center of my soul. ill change just for you. I wont hurt you again, Ill love you more than i love myself."

toxic!sukuna who tries to hide his smirk once you accepted him into your home with a heavy heart.

toxic!sukuna who goes to your bathroom to clean himself up but ends up stuffing multiple pairs of dirty underwear into his pants pockets.

toxic!sukuna who licks his lips as he knows that you can not resist him, youre just too caring and compassionate.

toxic!sukuna who sat next to you on the couch after you asked him if he wanted to watch a movie.

toxic!sukuna who has his tongue down your throat and a hand between your thighs by the first 10 minutes of the movie.

toxic!sukuna who keeps pushing at your chest untill your back is pressed into the couch cushions despite your small protests.

toxic!sukuna who continues to take your breath away even after you told the man you wanted a break.

toxic!sukuna who stares blankly at your back as you walked away after you successfully shoved him off and walked into the kitchen.

toxic!sukuna who follows after you and pins you against the kichen counter, his hips pressed into yours so much that it begins to hurt your pelvis and hips as the kitchen counter dug into your skin

toxic!sukuna who wraps a hand around your neck and doesnt let up even after you begin gurgling on your own spit.

toxic!sukuna who smiles in delight when your claw desperately at his skin, drawling blood.

toxic!sukuna who shoves your night shorts down your legs and shoves another hand under your ass.

toxic!sukuna who releases his hand on your neck and shoves your upper back untill your bent over the counter.

toxic!sukuna who lands a slap on your sensitive cunt, pulling a shrill cry from your lips.

toxic!sukuna who just keeps slapping your lower body even after you reach a hand back to cover yourself from his relentless strikes.

toxic!sukuna who sees the counter wet from your snot and tears and grabs your hair to pull you up.

toxic!sukuna who runs a long tongue over your face, licking up everything on it. Tears, spit, snot.

toxic!sukuna who laughs as your sudder in disgust.

toxic!sukuna who pulls your lower lips apart just to look at the damage done, all the slick dripping down your plump thighs.

toxic!sukuna who bends down to pick you up, legs way above your head and completely at his mercy.

toxic!sukuna who jerks your body just to watch your breasts jump with every convenience.

"Let me go, Ryomen! I let you in my house so you dont have to gravel at my feet like a lost puppy! We broke up so long ago, you cheated on me, you tried to manipulate me, you abused me! I hate you!"

toxic!sukuna who listens to your hateful rambling with a smile on his face.

toxic!sukuna who slams himself in your cunt, cutting off every little thought in your small head.

toxic!sukuna who rails you even with how long your cries are.

toxic!sukuna who stops for a second and walks to the bathroom mirror, forcing yourself to watch how he drops you up and down on his dick.

"I didnt do shit to you, (name). You wanted this! you begged me every night to come over, dont think i didnt forget that. Dont think i didnt forget you sending me videos of you fucking yourself raw each night and sending me videos at 2am!"

"you cant ever run from me. i will always be with you, by you, infront of you, behind you... watching you!"

toxic!sukuna who growled those words into your ears as you cried and came on his dick again.

toxic!sukuna who coos mockingly as you beg him to slow down and let you have a break.

toxic!sukuna who claims your cunt loves it so much that shes squeezing him extra tight tonight.

toxic!sukuna who groans loudly after you tighten up.

toxic!sukuna who threatens to kill everyone you know after you begged him for help.

toxic!sukuna who threatened to kill you while youre stuff with his dick, that he has your life in his hands.

toxic!sukuna who then threatened to kill himself after eveything because you cant go into the after life without him.

toxic!sukuna who drops your spent body on the bed, getting behind you and says hell fuck you untill the sun comes up.

toxic!sukuna who you wont ever get rid of, who will always be there.

"Ive told you multiple times, baby. you cant run from me."

there you freaks go , part2 of toxic sukuna .

prt1 toxic!sukuna

prt3 toxic!sukuna

- Aizawas BARB !

revenge on toxic!sukuna

[kaffkanya]

i may be cornplating this but. i was thinking. i usually go by the man and the companion monolog thinking spock is the companion and jim is the man. you know, the obvious route. but i was wondering, since the monolog is said by jim, what if he sees himself as the companion?

lets break this down.

"You are the Companion. He is the man."

we will be back to this in a second. hold on.

"You are two different things. You can't join."

if i were to compare the companion to spock, that simply isnt true. spock is the one who can (quite literally) join, through his psychic abilities and whatnot. jim, however, cant. and he wont ever fully understand the importance of the meld, of being bonded to someone, because its not something he can do to others. others do to him.

"You can't... love."

i see how people can relate this to spock, specially with that one bones "because its not written in your book" monolog or whatever. BUT! between jim and spock, spocks sparse romance plots are way more emotional than jims (at least thats how i see it for now!). i hvnt watched tos s3 yet, but up until end of s2, jims most emotionally heavy romance was with edith. which, much like the others, didnt work out.

"You may keep him here forever... but you will always be separate. Apart from him."

again, jims the one who cant truly join spock like a vulcan would. he barely speaks the language. he gives and gives himself to and for spock, but hes always going to be too human, too emotional, too illogical, too much. he may keep spock forever, but he wont ever reach that one part of him.

you know past lives? that one quote "you dream in a language that i cant understand". yeah. kind of this.

now,

"You are the Companion. He is the man."

i might be reaching and projecting my own comphet on this. but, hey. what is art even for if not to relate to our own feelings and whatnot.

so! what gets me here is the semantics of it all. its the use of man instead of human and right before (or after, i dont remember) an extremely cisnormative and heteronormative dialogue line from jim himself. now, i know its cause it was the 60s, but the character said it, and im choosing to interpret the line with different lenses.

you are the companion (never a lover, never something beyond the platonic friendship realm. its someone you cant/shouldnt feel attracted to. its someone who wont be attracted to you, because of who you are) and he is the man (something you cant love, for youre not a woman*)

*following kirks own line of thinking here.

my conclusion is that jim is suffering from a severe case of heteronormative thinking and comphet, cant wait for him to find out about bisexuality and that he can be a girl too if he so desire!!!

anyway

[anniebeemine]

requests? say no more.

ok this is a little angsty so only if you're comfortable but maybe s2 spencer and reader have been dating for 3-4 months when the whole tobias thing happens. spencer starts pushing away reader and wont tell her anything. bc this is a new relationship she is very confused and insecure and confronts him asking if he wants to break up and he doesn't know bc on one hand he cares about her but on the other hand he is embarrassed and doesnt want her to deal with this so new in a relationship. happy ending PLEASE (for my soul)

as you can tell i have thought about this A LOT lmao

my heart hurts... (i haven't seen this arc in a while so I hope this is accurate enough)

warnings: discussions of addiction, happy-ish ending. I left it open ended but positive

You and Spencer had only been dating for a few months when everything started to unravel. At first, it had been perfect—those sweet, awkward moments when he was still trying to figure out how to be in a relationship, the way his eyes lit up when he saw you, the late-night talks that stretched into the early hours of the morning. But after a week away, everything changed.

You weren’t exactly sure what had happened. You didn't want to press, but his friends had warned you that it was bad. All you knew for sure was that Spencer had come back different. The spark in his eyes was dulled, and he barely looked at you anymore. There was no explanation, no details of the trauma he'd endured, just this cold distance that settled between you. You’d sit on the couch together, but it felt like you were miles apart. He was always tugging at his sleeve, fidgeting, avoiding eye contact. His hands used to brush against yours absentmindedly, and now they stayed firmly in his lap, clenched into fists.

He didn’t stay long during those visits either—every time he showed up, it felt like he was itching to leave. You’d ask him to stay for dinner or suggest going for a walk, and he’d make some excuse, slipping away before you could even finish your sentence. You tried to give him space, hoping it was just a phase, but the more space you gave him, the more it felt like he was pulling away entirely.

Eventually, the visits became shorter and shorter until they stopped happening altogether. Weeks went by without hearing from him, and your calls went straight to voicemail. You didn’t know how to navigate it. You knew Spencer had been through something terrible, but he wouldn’t let you in. And it hurt. It hurt in ways you hadn’t expected. You weren’t just confused—you were insecure. Was it you? Was it something you did? Did he want to break up?

The questions swirled in your mind until you couldn’t take it anymore. One night, you couldn’t sleep, your thoughts running wild. You sat there in the dark, staring at your phone, your heart aching. You missed him. You missed his voice, his touch, the way he would ramble about anything and everything because it made him feel more comfortable. And now, all you had was silence.

You needed answers. You needed to know where you stood before you drove yourself mad.

The next day, you found yourself outside his apartment, your heart pounding in your chest. You raised your hand to knock, but it hovered in the air, hesitation weighing you down. What if he didn’t want to see you? What if you were making everything worse by showing up like this?

But you pushed those thoughts aside and knocked.

It took a minute, but eventually, the door creaked open. Spencer stood there, looking just as tired and worn out as you’d imagined. His eyes flicked to you, surprise flashing across his face before he quickly tried to mask it.

"Y/N?" His voice was hoarse, almost like he hadn’t used it in a while.

“Spencer,” you said softly, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Can I come in?”

He hesitated, then stepped aside, letting you enter. The apartment was dimly lit, with stacks of books and papers cluttering the space. You sat down on the couch, and he sat across from you, his eyes glued to the floor.

You didn’t know how to start, so you just blurted it out. “Spencer, what’s going on? You’ve been so distant, and I... I just need to know if you want to break up.”

His head snapped up, eyes wide with shock. “What? No, I—”

“Then what is it?” you interrupted, your voice shaking. “You won’t talk to me, you won’t tell me anything. You barely even look at me anymore. I feel like... like I don’t even know you right now.”

Spencer flinched, and you could see the guilt wash over his face. He rubbed his hands together, still tugging on his sleeve like it was some sort of comfort. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

“Then why?” you asked, your voice breaking. “Why are you pushing me away? If you care about me at all, please just tell me.”

Spencer stayed silent for a long moment, his brow furrowed in thought. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely audible. “I... I didn’t want you to deal with this.”

You frowned, confused. “Deal with what?”

He looked away again, his fingers trembling. “What happened... with... it... it changed me. I’m not... I’m not the same. I didn’t want you to have to see that or deal with it. I didn’t want to burden you with it when... when this relationship is still so new.”

Your heart clenched at his words, the weight of what he was saying finally sinking in. “Spencer... you’re not a burden. You’re never a burden.”

He shook his head, his voice laced with frustration. “You don’t understand. I’m embarrassed. I’m... ashamed. And I don’t want to drag you into that.”

You reached out and gently took his hand in yours, your thumb brushing over his knuckles. “I don’t care what happened, Spencer. I care about you. I want to be here for you, no matter what. But you have to let me in. You can’t keep shutting me out.”

Spencer’s hand trembled slightly in yours, his eyes still distant, but there was a softness to his gaze now that hadn’t been there before. You could see the exhaustion, the pain he’d been carrying alone. He sat up straighter, a sigh escaping his lips as though he were gathering the courage to continue.

“I... I haven’t been honest with you,” he started, his voice rough with emotion. He looked down at his lap, his fingers still fidgeting. “I’ve been using.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. It felt like time slowed for a second, the weight of those words crashing into you like a tidal wave. You didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to go down this road—but when you looked into his eyes, you saw the truth there. His face may have been painted with shame and anger, but his eyes… they were pleading. Pleading for understanding, for help.

“Spencer…” you whispered, your voice barely audible. You didn’t know what to say—part of you wanted to scream, to run, to escape the reality that was suddenly in front of you. But another part of you—the part that loved him deeply, that had spent countless nights by his side—knew you couldn’t abandon him now.

He pressed his lips into a thin line, trying and failing to keep the tears at bay. “I didn’t want to tell you,” he admitted, his voice shaking. “I thought... I thought I could handle it. That I could stop on my own.” He looked at your hand holding his, the tension in his body slowly easing. “I’m scared,” he admitted softly. “I’m scared that you’ll see the worst parts of me and... and you’ll leave.”

His words hit you hard. You could feel the vulnerability in every syllable, and your heart ached for him. You swallowed hard, your hand tightening around his as you whispered, “You don’t have to handle it alone. You don’t have to hide this from me.”

His breath hitched, and he turned his face away, wiping at his eyes quickly. He was still holding back, his guard up even as the cracks began to show. “I didn’t want you to see me like this. I didn’t want you to know how weak I am.”

Your heart broke at the vulnerability in his voice. You squeezed his hand tighter, shaking your head. “I’m not going anywhere, Spencer. I’m here. And I’m not giving up on what's here.”

“Spencer, look at me,” you urged, your voice trembling with emotion. He hesitated for a moment before finally meeting your gaze, and what you saw nearly broke you. His face was twisted in pain, his eyes red-rimmed with tears. “You’re not weak,” you said softly. “You’ve been through hell, and you’re still standing. That’s not weakness.”

He shook his head violently. “No, you don’t understand.” His voice cracked, the dam he’d been holding back finally breaking. “I thought you’d leave me. I’ve been waiting for it. I’m a mess. I’m broken. I didn’t want to... drag you down with me.”

Your heart shattered at his words, at the depth of his self-loathing and fear. You could see now how much he had been struggling alone, how much he had kept bottled up inside, and it broke your heart that he thought he didn’t deserve help—or you.

Without a second thought, you pulled him into your arms, cradling him close. His body tensed for a moment before he melted into you, burying his face in your shoulder as his tears finally spilled over. He sobbed quietly, his hands gripping the back of your shirt as if afraid to let go.

“I’m not leaving,” you whispered fiercely, running your fingers through his hair. “I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this, okay? We’ll figure it out together.”

He cried harder, his body shaking with each sob, and you held him tighter, pressing your cheek against his. “I thought… I thought I’d lost you,” he choked out. “I didn’t know how to... how to tell you. I thought I’d ruined everything.”

“You haven’t ruined anything, Spencer,” you assured him, your own voice breaking now. “I love you. We’ll get through this. I’m here. I’m right here.”

For what felt like an eternity, the two of you stayed like that—wrapped up in each other, holding onto the pieces of what had felt so fragile only moments before. His sobs gradually quieted, and he pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes still glistening with tears but filled with something else too—relief. Hope.

“You don’t have to do this alone,” you reminded him gently, brushing a tear from his cheek. “I’m not leaving, and we’ll find help. We’ll get through this together.”

He nodded, his fingers brushing lightly over yours as he whispered, “Thank you.” His voice cracked, but there was sincerity there—real, raw emotion that made your heart ache for him even more.

“Always,” you whispered, pulling him close again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours. You knew this wouldn’t be easy—there would be hard days, long nights, moments of doubt. But as long as you had him and he had you, you were ready to face whatever came next.

[nr1chaedickrider]

'I need you pt.2'

enjoy<3

smut and angst??

im so obsessed with this song lately, listen to it while reading this!!

cw: nothing ig but some swearing and kinda toxic sana, sana bleeding a little??, kinda aggressive sex?, strap use

idk kinda sub sana kinda dom sana????

_______________________________________

You're so sure you have heard something before you left.

Something calling after you.

Someone calling for you.

It was something you've hoped you wouldnt hear because you know it would linger in your mind forever.

Sleepless nights.

Just because of those four words.

_______________________________________

"I love you too" she whispered.

You walk without stopping. Not daring to look back.

You are to scared. What would happen if you do stop for her?

You know what she said. You will know forever.

There is no end to this.

_______________________________________

There is no end to this.

You lay in the bathtub, its filled with warm water.

You wanted to rest.

Rest because of what? It was months ago.

She problably already forgot.

We are talking about the Sana Minatozaki. She definetly has a new girlfriend now. She forgot you.

But you cant forget her. Like never.

Its hopeless.

How can a break up fuck you up so bad?

The doorbell rings.

You sigh, getting out of the bathtub and drying yourself, quickly putting on a tshirt and sweatpants.

You run to the door, opening it.

But you wished you didnt.

Sana looks at you. This time she is the one drenched in water. You looked out of the window, its raining heavily. You look back to her.

"What do you want?" you ask. Acting like she isnt on your mind 25/8.

"I need you" she says.

What did she just say?

"What?"

"I need you" she repeated.

"You broke up with me? You cant just say that you need me." you say. You need her too, of course you do. But you cant just admit that.

"Y/n i-.. that night i said someth-" she says so.. innocently?

"i know what you said. I heard it clearly Sana.."

She sighs.

"Please. I need you." she comes closer, closing the front door while walking.

She knows.

She knows how much you are thinking about her. She can see right through you, it starts to get scary.

Its like a switch flipped in her, from the "i need you back please im so sorry", to the "i want you and i will have you."

She is treating you like some little kid.

"Sana. Please leave." you say. You cant just let her win over you so easily.

"I wont." she says, walking towards you until she stands right infront of you, looking down on you.

You try to take some steps back but your back hits the pillar that is right in your living room.

She has you exactly where she wants you to be.

"Come on. You know how badly you want this to happen, since months." she emphasizes the "months" which makes you even more mad.

Its true, of course it is. But why is she acting like its so fucking obvious??

"Fuck off Sana" you curse, walking past her.

If she wont leave your apartment, you will.

You take your jacket, you take the door knob in your hand, ready to turn it.

But you don't.

Sana stands just right behind you, her hot breath hitting your neck,it makes you so fucking crazy. Her hand holding yours, stopping you from leaving.

You both dont say anything, just standing there. Breathing. In. Out.

In. Out.

In.

Out.

The rain stopped, the only sound is the breathing.

You turn around, looking at Sana.

You smash your lips against hers. It happens quick. The tension is too much for you. She takes off your jacket - which you just put one a moment ago -, you take off hers. Its wet, its bad for your floor, but you dont care, throwing it on it.

The kiss gets sloppier and sloppier, Sana biting on your bottom lip which makes you let out a whimper as she shoves her tongue into your mouth.

Your hands roam on her body as she pulls you to your bedroom, which she knows too well, trying not to trip because you guys are pulling eachother back and forth like fighting kids.

You throw her onto the mattress, sitting down on top of her lap. Sana takes your shirt and bra off with ease. You're so eager, you rip off Sana's shirt.

Which turns her on even more.

Your lips land on her neck, kissing - sucking - biting, so roughly she even starts to bleed a little.

But oh god, its like you're crazy vampires.

Her hands roam around your body, groping your tits. You start to kiss her lips again, she kisses you even sloppier than before.

The room is filled with your moans and heavy breathing, you take of sanas pants and pull off her underwear right after, burying your head between her legs.

"Oh fuck" Sana curses under her breath. You eat her out like a predator that just found their dearest prey. You eat her out like you have been starved.

"You dont know how much i've missed you, god. More-" she moans, her hand gripping your hair, pulling you even closer.

How much i've missed you.

You need her more. Closer.

You stop eating her out, getting out your strap which Sana usually used on you when you were still together.

She watches you with a smirk, its like her plan worked out perfectly.

You thrust the black strap in, hitting her so deep she lets out a loud moan.

You lie down on top of her, thrusting in and out fast. Your arms around her neck, her hot breath hits you.

"I want to ruin you like you did it with me." you whisper into her ear, your strap reaching so deep, hitting just the right places that drive sana crazy.

"I knew-", she moans, "..you could never stop..", her breath trembles, "...loving me." she moans loudly, she shuts her eyes. A tear rolling down her cheek. Her toes curling into your bedsheets. Your thrusts get slower, waiting for her to finish climaxing.

She breathes heavily. Opening her eyes again to look at you.

"You will forever be mine" she says, smirking at you.

"Now come on, ruin me like you said you would."

[radiant-reid]

idk if the first one got sent-

(ok this is one of the worst things to talk ab on international womens day of all days bUT-)

i know that i, a modern day feminist, wants ANY man to know that i can handle myself in any situation like that anon ask but now bc of said ask i need blurbs of husband(or boyfriend or pining, idc)!spencer standing up for or defending reader or else. i wont take no for an answer girlies, so ima need you to drop recs in the comments

-🐝

of course. i'm sorry it's so late <3

Spencer is used to being the odd one out. He's the youngest member of the BAU, and his intellect often sets him apart from his colleagues.

But he has never felt as uncomfortable as he does now, standing in the crowded police precinct, surrounded by men who were openly leering at you.

It had started with a few offhand comments, the kind that was meant to be funny but left a sour taste in Spencer's mouth. Then it had escalated to outright harassment, with some of the officers making suggestive gestures as you walked by.

Spencer had tried to ignore it at first, let you deal with it as you saw most appropriate and focus on the task at hand, but as the comments became more aggressive and personal, he knew he couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Excuse me." He says, stepping in front of you and facing the group of officers. "Can we please focus on the case at hand? We're all here to solve a crime, not to make inappropriate comments about our colleagues." The officers laugh, but Spencer stands his ground. "I'm serious." He says, his voice rising with anger. "This behavior is unacceptable, and it needs to stop."

One of the officers, a burly man with a thick mustache and bad body odor, steps forward. "What's the matter, pretty boy?" He sneers. "Can't handle a little locker room talk?"

Spencer feels a surge of rage. How could these men be so callous, so disrespectful? No matter what room it happens in, it's wrong. He takes a step forward, ready to confront the officer, but before he can say anything, you speak up.

"Excuse me." You say, keeping a calm but firm voice. You've kept quiet out of ease, blowing up at them would only make the whole working relationship tense, and to save people, everyone needs to be working together. "I don't appreciate being talked about like I'm a piece of meat. And I'm sure the families of the victims we're here to help wouldn't appreciate it either."

The room falls silent, and for a moment, Spencer thinks the officers might apologize and back off. But then the mustache man steps forward again, his face twisted in anger.

"Who do you think you are?" He growls. "Coming in here, telling us how to do our jobs?"

"I'm not telling you how to do your job." You say. "I'm asking you to show me respect."

The officer scoffs. "Respect? You want respect? How about you show us a little respect and stop acting like you're better than us?"

Spencer can feel his blood boiling. This man is completely out of line, and he knows he had to do something before the situation gets out of hand.

"Excuse me." He says, his voice steady but forceful. "Y/n is not acting like she's better than anyone. She's simply asking to be treated with basic human decency. That isn't too much to ask."

The officer glares at Spencer, but before he can say anything, the door to the precinct opens, and a man in a suit walks in.

"What's going on here?" He asks, looking around the room.

Spencer recognizes him as the captain of the precinct, and he breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe with a higher-up present, the officers will back off.

But the mustache man isn't done yet. "These feds are coming in here, telling us how to do our jobs, and then they're crying about being disrespected? Give me a break."

The captain raises an eyebrow. "Is that true?" He asked, looking at you. It seems impossible he's even questioning your truthfulness.

Spencer takes a deep breath, ready to defend you until the end. "No, sir." He says. "We're here to work with you, not against you. But we won't tolerate being harassed. Agent L/n hasn't reacted to any of the disgusting comments coming from your officers, but one more and all the sanctions you can imagine will be filed against your officers and you as their supervisor." He's always been respectful of authority, drawn inside the line, but this is an argument he's not going to back down from.

Thankfully, the captain understands the seriousness of what's gone on. You're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he has just had his head in the sand for the last few days. It's not surprising when he's spent most of the time in his office with the blinds drawn. "Outside, all of you. Now." He sounds furious, scowling at them.

You turn to him, nudging his shoulder. "Thanks."

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry you had to listen to that crap, and I hope I didn't overstep by stepping in."

"Not at all." You assure him. "Thank you for it, truly."

[prozacwhorehouse]

more zeke tyler headcannons. i can’t help myself !! (some 18+)

no one can stop me. i wont apologize. minors dni! not quite proofread sorry

- he’s a softie ONLY for his girl let’s be real

- truly believed he wasn’t deserving of love until you drilled the idea into him

- “i love you, zeke” “really?”

- once you’re together you’re getting married. you definitely break up multiple times though, but always end up getting back together.

- one time you guys got in a massive fight in the courtyard. the last thing you said had people clapping. you ignore him for the rest of the day until he shows up at your window that night for some make up sex!!

- KISSING. so many kisses. the way he caresses tw: Marybeth’s face before and when he’s kissing her? yep. does that to you every time.

- you guys fuck all the time. like 24/7 it’s ungodly. once you start, you can’t stop. you’re fucking in during class in school closets, his car, before school after school literally any chance you get. he fucking loves making you feel good and the way you make him feel.

- “five more minutes..” hed breathe into your neck while you’re sat on some cabinets in a storage closet, him between your legs. “can’t- i- ah, fuck- trig test” safe to say you don’t make it to that trig test

- people KNOW it too. if the two of you disappear throughout the day, word gets around that you skipped to have sex in his car. he’ll drive it away from school though, no interruptions

- obsessed with the way you look when you’re sucking him off it makes him unbelievably hard.

- jealous in a passive aggressive way but good at hiding it. “you’re hanging out with him now?” he’d ask with the slightest detectable edge. you just roll your eyes and ignore it, he does this all the time.

- movie theater makeouts i feel very strongly about this. it’s pretty much a challenge for you two to see how long you can watch the movie before you start passionately making out in the back corner seats you always pick for that very purpose. your record is 20 minutes.

- you two are definitely banned from a theater or two for doing this. he has no shame, either. when the usher flashes his light on you, zeke just smirks, asking “is there a problem?” before going in to kiss you again. you on the other hand are pulling him up and out of there. why would he apologize for kissing his girl?

- king of fingering obviously have you seen his hands? will have you seated infront of him, back to his chest, one arm hooked around your shoulders and the other making you fall apart on his fingers. makes him so hard when you’re gasping, throwing your head back onto his shoulder. you feel him smirk against your neck, and him harden under you. he loves to watch you SQUIRM AKKSNDBD

- if you’re sad he’s kissing your tears away. it makes you giggle and you try to swat him away, but he just pulls you closer so you can’t get away, until all your tears are gone.

- loves laying his head in your lap in the courtyard during lunch. it’s your default place and position, you sitting up against a tree reading a book with his head in your lap. you arm lying lightly across his neck to hold the book, him holding up a piece of grass to fiddle with.

- swimming in the lake dates. done. i imagine like a quarry situation almost, holds your hand the first time you jump off. will hoist you up, absolutely admiring you above him, then lowering you down to wrap around his waist, then you kissing him sweetly. then he’ll basically throw you into the water and you’ll start play fighting, splashing around and swimming away from eachother.

- you kiss him all over. sometimes you guys will just be laying on your bed and he’s looking up at you like 🙂 and you just kiss him all over his face bc he’s such a cutie and he’s blushing and telling you “stawpppp” but he doesn’t really mean it

- “one more? ☺️” you ask and he’s ofc he’s immediately like fineeee and you kiss him on the nose but he was expecting one on the lips!!! guess he gets another one

- steals anything and everything for you. those earrings you glanced at in the mall? they’re in his pocket. you mentioned a book you wanted to read? he already swiped it from the library. he scratched out the “property of Harrington High” on the inside cover and write your name. no one will ever know!

- i know I said you fight a lot, but regardless - when ever his parents flake, he’s welcome at your house. it’s unspoken.

- you’ll hear a knock at your window, looking up to see zeke crouched on the roof. you sigh, making your way over to unlock the window. opening it, you step back and he jumps through. he stands there avoiding your eyes for a moment, before quietly saying “my- my parents..” and that’s all you need to know. you’re dragging him to your bed, letting him lay down comfortably. you turn the light off before snuggling into him, arm slung over his chest, head in the crook of his neck. “im sorry.” he whispers into the darkness. “I know.” you respond, lifting your head to press a soft kiss to his jaw before settling back in and drifting off to sleep together. you’re walking into school the next morning hand in hand again !

- in public he guides you by the small of your back, arm around your shoulders, or his personal favorite, your belt loops.

- this is so dirty. bare with me. he teases the fuck out of you. you’re never getting what you want straight away. “aww, poor thing,” he’ll coo, looking at your soaked panties. you’re on the edge of the bed with your legs up and open, him kneeling between them. and then wait for it…he presses a soft kiss to your clothed cunt. it is the most minimal contact but it’s one of his favorite things to do cause it drives you WILD, you start whining and squirming because you want something more. “what’s wrong? come on, sweetheart, use your words.” he’s tracing the outline of your folds through your panties. “zeke, please, touch me. i want to feel you,” you beg, back arching towards his fingers. “good girl, asking so nicely,” and he slides your panties to the side and softly licks your folds, blowing cool air onto your pussy which makes you squirm and whine again. he takes this as a signal to latch onto your clit, sucking sweetly. your eyes are literally rolling into the back of your head because he knows exactly how to send you into orbit

- aftercare is everything he’s praising you for how well you’ve done, cleaning you up, sharing a cigarette beneath the sheets after.

- he brings up marriage one time during one of these after sex cuddle smoke sesh. he 100% fits the run away and get married at 18 in the chapel of love storyline

- “marry me.” he says. you adjust your head, bringing it higher on his chest. “what?” “marry me.” he’s smirking so goofy and you’re just like babe…”funny.” you scoff. “why?” “why? because we’re teenagers, zeke.” “so what? i already know i want to be with you forever.” and you’re like where is this coming from you tough facade freak but it makes your heart swell bc you have that effect on him duh “tell you what- if you actually graduate this year, I’ll marry you.” and he’s like fuck bc we know damn well he’s going to repeat senior year again

- you have to force him to do his homework. he’s actually really smart it’s just he doesn’t want to put in the effort. you promise him a kiss after every assignment he completes. he manages to get you to agree to a kiss after every question he answers correctly. this is the only reason he graduates on time, he owes it all to you

- you guys are stoners, he just never uses his own stash. he loves getting high amd doing stupid shit with you.

- in all seriousness you’re his confidant. it scares him how much he loves you, and getting him to admit that was difficult at first. he has never once felt judged by you, and felt loved for the first time. he’s marrying you.

- you definitely clean his house for him sorry. his parents aren’t there to help him and he just really doesn’t give a fuck but it gives you major agita so you clean up while he works in his lab. you even make him food! he feels so taken care of he wants you to stay most nights.

- you love his glasses. they’re the cutest thing but he never wears them at school. you wish he wore them all the time. “oh my gosh!” you shriek when you walk into his garage and see him wearing them, he hasn’t in a while. you run over and kiss him all over and tease him like “who’s *kiss* this *kiss* cute *kiss* boy!” and he’s like bro I’m never wearing these again (he loves it)

- most people know you’re a thing but one time a girl saw him at a party and she was like “do you know anyone here?” and he points to you dancing on the table like “her. my girlfriend. want to meet her?” she backs off

- You’ve fallen asleep at his house wayyyy to many times he’s just so comfy :( you wake up in the morning and you’re like FUCK i missed my curfew and didn’t even call my parents!! and he’s like “I did ;)” you were just so cute sleeping he had to call them for you so yoi could rest. you’re RELIEVED bc obv you want to stay in bed with him.

[zhvakinnn]

If only you know what i know

Sae itoshi x GN reader

Warnings: no fluff, angst

🍓as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me 🍓

"let's stop this mess"

"what?." You're confused at sae's words

"i wanna end this relationship"

You're eyes are widen and you raise your head from his shoulder to look at him

"what do you mean, did i do something wrong, i didn't forget any important things?"

Sae stop you from talking and just walked to the bedroom

"sae please what's wrong? Please i don't wanna end this relationship you promise me that we'll always be together I love you-"

You're words was cut by sae

"sometimes love cant be promise, you think ive loved you?"

You became silent frozen while his there taking all his clothes his really leaving you

You didn't think of anything and just hug him

"please sae please.. dont leave.. i love you"

He shrugged you off him and drag his bag

You kissed him and he gave in but pushed you away

"please sae-"

"i cheated on you.."

"what"

Theres so many happening here you wanna ask everything

"you don't deserve me, i fucked another woman than you i slept with her and kisses he-"

Sae's words didn't continue when a hand slap on his face

"how could you do this to me?. Sae i loved you, we've been together for 5 years..5 fucking years and this is what i get for loving you.!?...you know what its better if you leave now"

Sae nodded and said goodbye but you didn't make any eye contact with him you're just waiting for him to get the hell out of your apartment

"you have cancer, and I'm afraid that.. that you're son wont survive in this case, there are warnings that you didn't notice in him, its either he kept on nose bleeding"

Sae washes his nose it kept on bleeding but he shrugged it and thought it was just because of heat

"or losing weight"

When he step on the scale the nurse said he lost 3kg before he lost 2kg he kept losing weight every check up

---------------------------------------------------

He curse himself, he was panicking everything went on his mind but the one that was pinned is you, how are you gonna react to this

His been covering his hair with wigs because he didn't want you to see it

He quits soccer yet you didn't know he excused that its their break so he can spend more time with you before he say his final goodbyes

His good at hiding his weak legs

If he tells you this you will never move on, you will not stop until his better, he knows your stubborn that's why its better to make you cry now when his still alive than his dead body

You didn't know that was the last kissed

Only 7 days now..

He looked up and tears suddenly fell from his eyes

If only you know what i know

He smiled and left a note saying

I love you too..

Masterlist | about me | rules

[kmazine]

I Can't Have You

bestfriend!jinyoung x female reader

genre : angst

For some reason, the walk back home feel so long and painful.

"Why it can't it be me?"

"I love you, Jinyoung"

You silently mutter under your breath. The words that you couldn't even say to him. The tears you don't bother to wipe, streaming down your face.

"Jinyoung, you okay?" You ask your best friend over the phone when your best friend called you an hour ago. It was late at night so you wonder why he call.

It was silent for a few seconds until you heard sniffles taking over the background noise that you register was from some television show. You didn't think much more. You immediately jump out from your bed and run towards your door.

"I'm coming" You heard Jinyoung replied with a sad hum and probably a nod, and that makes you fasten you steps. Luckily his apartment is not that far so you already in his apartment within minutes.

"Hey, you okay? How many days you've been drinking like this?" Closing the door behind you and took off your shoes, you can see few empty bottles of soju on the floor next to him. You immediately sit beside him on the floor. Your heart sank at the way his shoulder slouch, arms hugging his knees. He looks up to you when he hears your presence. And you look at him. Eyes swollen and he looks gaunt too. You scoot next to him and wrap your arms around his shoulder, hoping that you'd bring him comfort.

"We- we broke up" His tears starts to roll down his cheeks again as he said that. You let out a pain sigh, slowly wiping his tears with your fingers and pat his head softly.

"It's okay, Jinyoung. You will get through this. You will be fine okay?" You still stroking his hair, like an adult trying to persuade a child to not cry over candies.

"But I really love her, Y/n. It's been a few days and it hurts me that I can't see her face and listen to her voice. I can't do this Y/n. I miss her so much I feel like -- my heart..." He sniffled between words and voice quavering at the last part as he tapping his chest harder each sentences as if that will ever chase the pain away. You take his hands away and give him a tight grip, as to tell him, you're there for him. Your heart clenched to see him like this.

You know falling in love with your best friend was never a good idea. You've been liking him even before you became friend. Stealing glance at him during the class or sometimes exchanging smiles and nods when you saw each others is your definition of happiness back then. Then one semester, you and Jinyoung were assigned together for university projects and both of you clicked right away and the next thing you know, you two are inseparable as best friends. When you thought it's going to be easy for you and your feelings, but it was far from that.

Because from then on, Jinyoung see you as his best friend and best friend only.

Then start the cycle of your crumbling love story. You listen to his sobbing stories after the break ups like a best friend do. He try to match you with his other good friends because as a best friend, he want to see you happy with a good guy. Once, you ended up help him with the girl he likes because he just can't stop begging you.

Even after graduating and working on different companies, the cycle never end. And that's why it's hard. It's harder now to confess and tell him you love him. After everything, after all these years.

Especially this time, the relationship didn't seems like the others. He wasn't just smitten, and she didn't seem like the other girls she dated in the past. As much as you hate to admit it, he's definitely in love. You never thought they'll break up if you're being honest. She's a perfect woman any man can ever wish. It was perfect, as if they're actually made for each others.

You know asking him what happened now wont help him so you decided to make him a meal and tea to calm himself down. It was hard forcing the man to eat but you do every way you can and he finally give in.

"I don't know what will I do without you. Thank you Y/n" He give you a sad smile as he lays down on the couch. Deep sighs never left his mouth. You put the empty bottles in a plastic and put them aside and clean his messy living room.

"Glad I could help. You look too miserable for me not to to do that. I know it's hard but please, do not skip meals." You grabbing the blanket to cover his full body.

"Y/n?" He called for you so you lower yourself so your eyes meet on his level.

"Is it always this hard after the break up? It hurts so much. How can love be this painful huh? "He chuckles - probably knows how pathetic and sad he sound right now. You didn't say anything, just let him rambles more and give him another sympathetic smiles.

You make sure he was sleeping when you decided to leave. You're about to close the door when you heard his phone rings. You can hear Jinyoung shuffles to get up and the last thing you heard his voice saying her name. You closed the door shut, hoping that your heart closed the same for him.

There is a person that you can’t have even when you love them,

Just look at me, I’m next to you but I can’t have you,

I can’t have you.

--------------------------------------

a.n : this one have been sitting in my draft for months now. This is based from Bank's I Can't Have You (korean old song) and the lyrics are just heart breaking so here we go. Again, please do not mind the grammatical mistakes and typos. I will fix it later from time to time. Because the more I re-read, the more I want to delete this so I'll just post first.

[wizardpink]

Oh I just had a breakthrough as to why I watch s2e5 and cannot be mad at Armand for how he reacted to Louis.

Louis and Lestat's argument style was to scream at each other and say whatever god awful shit came into their heads and sometimes even put hands on each other. But Armand can only take so much of that kind of thing before he folds in on himself and either has to disassociate or break down crying, and not in the "crying while screaming and fighting" kind of way but in the "crying like the world is ending and I'm going to die" kind of way.

Louis heads it off by pointing it out in the big fight they have. He also stops screaming quite so loudly after "decades with you," and Armand snaps back in and the argument continues. Even Louis is shocked by how effectively Armand fights back this time, and I have to believe it's because most of their other fights would have ended when Armand got the "apocalyptic look" and either clammed up or broke down.

My last relationship was so toxic and abusive without me even knowing until it was over, and she would fight like Louis fights, loud and mean and scorched earth, expecting me to give it right back and let things go back to normal after it was done rather than internalize all the things she said. But I don't scream or say things off the cuff, or just to be mean. I don't respond to that kind of thing, I just shut down or break down. And she HATED that, and it would just provoke her to get even angrier and nastier ("my daddy groomed me into a little BITCH").

She was also the type to weaponize threats of suicide, something that kept me in that relationship for years longer than I wanted to be. There were periods of time where I had resigned myself to being miserable with her because I thought it was either that or being responsible for her death.

So to read people say things like "Armand tortured Louis by withholding his blood or not putting him in his coffin," ugh that is so triggering to me. Obviously the situations are different because Louis actually went through with his suicide attempt. But people watching Louis bring Daniel back to his apartment where he fucks guys that aren't Armand, stuff Daniel full of drugs and then drink his laced blood just before sunrise, lash out at Armand for being nagging, boring, etc, scream at Armand that the ten hours spent talking about Lestat were more exciting than 2.5 decades with him, get annoyed when Armand wont sink to his level, throw Armand's history of childhood sexual assault back in his face, try to kill himself when he bites off more than he can chew, and try to say he's sorry and beg for comfort afterwards????? You think Armand is in the wrong for not weeping at his bedside or draining his veins trying to heal him? Fuck him.

Like it's really hard to be unbiased watching that. Armand should have just left after Louis went up to the roof. Of course he wouldn't and couldn't, just like I wouldn't and couldn't, but god I wish I were the type of person who could.

[asha-mage]

🌶️ whats the Hot Take on fire emblem or ffxiv!!

Oh boy. I'll go with Fire Emblem since I've played it more recently. Let me just put on this metaphorical beekeepers suit before I take a swing at this particular hornet's nest.

*zips*

Azure Moon is, inherently, a tragedy, and of the various endings, the one that is the bleakest for the over all future of Fodlan. On a smaller scale level, all the characters that we personally care about are going to be fine by the end of Azure Moon (presuming you where playing on casual and/or didn't let your favs die in the war). On a macro scale, none of the cycles that lead things to fall apart in the first place are fundamentally changed in any way. The systems that lead to the misery/issues of most of the cast are still in place.

Byleth has replaced Rhea as Archbishop, and thus as the semi-divine shadow ruler of Fodlan, and Dimitri has become Wilhelm 2.0- the mortal companion and figure head of said semi-divine shadow ruler, who unites all of Fodlan beneath the control of the Kingdom and Church. The Agarthans meanwhile remain unexposed and plotting in secret. Their's no hint that the Church is going to reform and stop it's policy of censoring and altering history to suit it's political agenda, or meddling in the affairs of the governments of Fodlan at whim or need. And their is really no reason to believe that in another few hundred years the cycle wont repeat itself as the pressure from all the cracks and flaws in the system once again becomes unbearable.

It's telling to me that Edelgard in Verdant Wind more or less accepts her fate when Claude and Byleth have her cornered. She tells them outright that the only way forward is to unite all of Fodlan and sieze the future, and they can only do that if they kill her. But in Azure Moon she resists past the point of all reason, becoming the Hegemon in her efforts to defeat Byleth and Dimitri, and using her last breath to try and cut Dimitri down with her dagger. And that's because deep down, she knows that Dimitri lacks the will and the courage to break the cycle. Claude, is a reformer, a visionary who wants a better future and wont stop until he has the truth. Dimitri even after everything he's been through is still a servant of the past, and still bound by it. So she refuses to yield to the bitter end, to give up her dream of a better future no matter what.

[blood-injections]

i really want to know what Dr benzedrine's reaction is to seeing funsandkid love fighting (assuming that they do that because I haven't read all of ur funsandkid posts yet)

Yeah funsandkid totally fights but its more for fun and just adrenaline versus the usual funkobra fighting for pent up whatever for sanity etc. The three of them are their own little fight club idk if I'll ever get to writing anything about it but they'd try keeping it secret from Benz because. Doctor and sorta leader of the suitehearts they all think he'd be pissed bc they're unnecessarily hurting eacother or whatever even though they never go too far its just scrapes and bruises at the end of the day and an occasional black eye or split lip or something. Very rarely do they get seriously hurt aside from ghoul accidentally breaking kobras nose once. I also think benz wouldn't like kobra that much like hed be thick as theives with jet star i bet bc they have a medic/tired mom kind of bond. Anyway i think kobra gets sandman into racing and benz doesnt like kobra for that bc it means. I mean hes like its a hobby cool sandman needs more hobbies. He just doesn't like it bc its kobra and bc sandmans away from base more often its just best freind jealousy yknow hed used to fighting alongside sandman and them being super close but now kobra and ghoul are getting all the attention. But eventually like kobra and ghoul are around all the time and eventually hes just indifferent hes used to their bullshit he dosnt hate kobra hes just annoyed by him at worst. When he learns they like to fight eachother he isnt pissed like they think like he gives them a lecture but ultimately his reaction is just like. A heavy sigh and a "fine" yknow. Like i said hes used to their shit and hes not happy that theyre beating eachother up but he can see they clearly have like a system about it and make sure bot to go too far and take care of eachothers wounds if theres any so hes like as long as you dont waste our medical supplies i dont give a shit just dont concuss eachother.

BUT. If its the Dr Frankenstein Dr Benzedrine and frankenghoul thing im building, he would have a muchh different reaction because if ghouls his creation hed have a love hate relationship with it like any like parent and their kid hed hate that ghoul maybe didn't turn out exactly how he wanted like not being like him or hed hate that ghoul hates him because ghoul Would hate him, he'd have a sense of loyalty to benz and feel like he owes him it but also hed hate benz for like. Dude you literally made me alive but you wont let me like go be a person or do half these things fuck you. Because yeah benz is super protective of him. In this case ghoul would have a ton of pent up anger and sandman would be sympathetic with his needs to like fucking live and would sneak him out to have fun behind benz back and then theyd meet kobra and in this case if benz found them sneaking off to party or whatever, let alone fighting eachother for fun, hed freak the fuck out cause hes so protective of ghoul and hed yell abt them putting it in danger and risking ghouls health and shit becaue like. He made ghoul and hes scared ghoul could be unmade basically. Hes scared bc hes a crazy mad scienist and grafted different peoples body parts together or whatever and hes scared of ghoul literally falling apart at the seams but like ghouls tougher than benz thinks he is and maybe he'll see that eventually, but at the moment hed be pissed at them all and hed like try to keep ghoul and sandman separated and hed ban them from seeing kobra, which yknow it just makes them all hate him more rip and totally leads to ghoul fucking running away and joining the fab four and sandman probably fucking off to stick with his boyfriends and it totally makes the crews have a rivalry and shit until they all talk it out and forgive eachother, to their extents

[sakiblack]

We were always ment to be Part 2

Arcane x female reader

Silco x female reader

Ever wonder what it's like to drown?

Story of opposites.

There's peace in water.

Like it's holdin' you, whisperin' in low tones to let it in.

And every problem in the world will fade away.

But then there's this thing…

…in your head, and it's raging

Lighting every nerve with madness

To fight.

To survive.

And all the while, this question lingers before you

"Have you had enough?"

It's funny. You could pass a lifetime without ever facing a choice like that.

But it changes you forever.

For that, I thank you…

old friend.

It didnt take us long before me, Vander and Benzo  walked into Benzos shop where we saw Vi sitting on one of the chairs.

Vi:Vander?Y/n?

Vander:We dont have much time.

Vi:How did you find me?

He said as i rushed to Vi hugging her.

y/n:Im proud of you.Always have been and always will be.

Vi:Im sorry.I …this is the only way to protect the others.

Benzo:Vander.

Said Benzo as i leted go of Vi and looked him.

Vander:You have a good heart.Dont ever lose it.No metter how the world tries to break you.Protect the family.

He said as he started to puch Vi into another room.

Vi:What are you doing?

She asked as he puched her into the other room and quicly closed the door.

Vi:What are you doing?Vander!Let me out!

I could hear Vi yell as my hear broke.It was the only way.

Grayson:Im guessing thats for me.

I could hear a voice and knew exacly who it was.

Marcus :Are you gonna let me do the arrest or not?

Vander: You'll obliged a doomed man one last smoke right?

He asked as he pulled out a cigar as i walked to him.

Grayson:Im not putting you away Vander.

Y/n:It wont only be him.

I said as i looked at her.I could see the confusion in her eyes.

Vander:They need someone to take the blame.

Grayson:Without you down here it all falls apart.

Vander:Benzo will hande things.

Grayson:You two wont be comming back for a long time.

y/n:I know.

I said as i held out my hands for  Grayson to put on the handcuffs as Vander did the same.

Grayson:Why?

Vander:Its the only way.

He said as we all walked out.

y/n:You think they have music in that place?

Vander:If by music your talking about people yelling yes.

I smiled as i walked outside.Everything will be okay.Its the only thing i wanted to think about before i heard a scream from one of the Enforcers .I looked around to see what made him scream but before i could the man was on the floor dead.My eyes widen as i saw the blood on the ground. Grayson ran to the man and pointed the gun to what ever killed him as in seconds she was dead on the floor.It all happened so fast.Her dead body on the floor,her eyes opened with horror in them.

y/n:What the fuck.

I yelled my voice breaking as the blood made my head spin.

Benzo:What the devil.

Vander:No.

I was standing besides Vander and Marcus as my eyes were looking for whoever or whatever did this untill they stopped on a shadow.A man.He was dressed like he just made a deal with one of the counselors.It was hard to see what his face looked like as the only thing i was able to see clearly was his red eye that were focused on me.Not blinking.

Benzo:Silco?You animal.Go back to what ever hole you came out off!

He yelled as he started to walk towards the man.As the man named Silco looked at him.

Vander:No Benzo stay back!

Silco:You never did knew when to walk away did you?

Vander:Wait!

Was the last thing i heard before something ran to Benzo knocking him down as blood splashed all over the wall.My head started to spin and it was hard to see.I could only hear Vander yell as he fell to his knees.

Silco:Stubborn to the end.

I heard his voice as my eyes looked at the person who did this.No not a person.That was no human.It was a big tall man with purple vains.

Marcus:What the hell have you done!This was not the deal!

Silco:The deal has changed.

He said as he handed him a small bag of coinds.

y/n:Vander.

I wispered as the thing started to move to us.

y/n:Vander.

I said again this time louder as he looked up at the thing in anger before it hited his head not giving him or me time to do anything as i only screamed in horror as he was knocked out.

y/n:Vander! No no no!

I kapt repeating as i fell to my knees.

y/n:Help him!

I yelled looking at Marcus as he was just staring at Silco.My eyes moved to him as he was already looking at me without any emotion.The monster slowly grabed Vander by his hand as it looked at Silco.

Silco:Take the girl with you.Im sure she knows better then to fight .

He said as the monster grabed me by my hand and started to drag both me and Vander away.

y/n:Vander please.

I mumbled as tears started to fall down my face.

y/n:Monster! You monster!

I yelled but my screaming was not intended for Silco or the thing that was dragging me away from this blood bath but at Marcus.He stared at me in horror still not sure what in hell happened as i started to cry again.My tears bluring my vision.

...................................................................

Im not sure how long it has been but the tears stopped falling out of my eyes as i was only sobbing.Maybe becouse of the  unhuman thing or the picture of what happened just minutes ago.

I was placed on the ground of some abandoned building that was filled with people.It was like a factory.The man dragging Vander was no longer the monster but a norman guy.As the monster turned into a normal boy around Vis age.It was like something turned him into the beast.

Silco:Its crule.I know.But dont fear you arent ganna get a scratch from here.

He said as he stood infront of me looking at me with soft eyes.

Silco:The violence.But we both know its necessary.

He said his eyes turning into one of no emotion yet again as he was no longer speaking to me but to Vander.

y/n:Vander.

I wispered as he was placed next to me.

Vander:Even with your monsters you wont win a war against Piltover.

Silco:I dont have to.I just need to scare them.They wont dare set food in the underground again.

Vander:Youll get people killed.And for what pride?

Silco:For respect.

Vander:You had my respect.But that was never enough for you.

Silco:We shared a vision Vander!A dream.The nation of Zaun.Do you even remember? I trusted you.

Vander:What i did to you i have never forgiven myself.You are my brother.

Brother?He never told me he had a brother.

Silco:You still dont understand.

He said as his fingers touched his skin under his left eye.His skin was hard on that side.It was like something happened to the full part of his left side.

Silco:Oh i hated you for what you have done.But as time passed…so did my hate.I hated you but you kept my respect.Untill you made peace with them.

Vander:I had no choice.

Silco:Maybe. But now you do.

He said pulling out a small test tube fild with purple liquid.

Silco:Shimmer.

Vander:Look at what you have done.Benzo the kids.In fighting top side you would secrofice everything.That is not the way.Kill me if you have to.

y/n:Vander stop.

Vander:But please spare the lanes.

Silco:You would die for them but you wont fight for them!

Vander:Im just not that man anymore.

Silco looked mad as he got up and walked to a room on the other side of the bridge as one of his man started to drag us behind him again.As he did i saw someone standing on the other side of the bridge.

y/n:Savika.

------------------------------------------

My vision was blury but every now and then it came back.I was in a room tied up along with Vander.But it was strange i was tied up while he was on a shair chained.It was like i was ment to break free easy but he wasent.

Im not sure how long we were there before i heard some fotsteps.

Vander:Vi?

I heard him ask as Vi ran to him and hugged him.

Vander:What are you doing here?

Vi:We came to save you two......Mylo.

Mylo:On it.

He said as Vi walked to me and started to unty me.

Vander:H how did you get in?There is gourds everywhere.

Vi:It was easy. We came in thro an open window-

She stopped.It was not adding up. Why would they leave a window open.

Vander:Oh god.You have to get out now.

Silco:Welcome.

I heard a voice that was now no longer unknown to me.

Silco:Have you heard the rumer?Vander and his kids flet the town.And were never seen again.

Vi: Claggor find a way out of here.

Claggor:Okay.

Vander:You dont have to do this.

Vi:Yes i do.

y/n:Vi!

I yelled as i watched her walk on the bridge with one of Silcos man.The man looked at Silco .He nooded as the man got ready to stab Vi.But it never happened as he was punched to the ground.

I might even say she was better then Vander when i saw him fight as more of Silcos goons ran to her but were all knocked out.

Vander:Mylo.You can do this.

y/n: Claggor look for a soft wall! It is more easy to break.

Claggor:Got it.

Vander:Mylo hurry!

I heard Vander say as i looked back at Vi.She was hardly standing as on the other side was that thing again.

y/n:Vi dont!

I yelled.She didnt know what that thing was capebal of.She ran to it trying to hit it but was stoped my a hand on her neck.

y/n:Vi!

Vander:Silco let her go!

Yelled Vander as Vi was thrown towrds the door.I quickly got up and ran to her as the monster started to walk towrds us.

y/n:Come on.

I hissed at myself as i dragged her back towrds the room.

Vander:Y/n!

I did my best to drag her in to room as i quickly closed the door before the monster could open it.

Vander:You did good.

He said as he looked at Vi.I was completly out of breath as i looked at Mylo who was still trying to get Vander out of thoes chains. Claggor made a small hole in the wall as a smile appered on my face.Mylo finaly got the chains off Vander as the small hole in the wall was now big enough for all of us to go out.This was it. We just have to get out of here and everything will me okay.That was until something behind the door exploted.It was so strong it pushed me to the other side of the room.The door was knocked down with a small blue ball entering the room.Hitting against the wall,the ground and then at Claggor.It  hited his head knocking off his glasses as there was blood all over them.A long metal stick was pushed into Mylo going trough his chest and pinning him agains the wall as the celling was knocked on both of them.Everything happened so fast.By the time my head processed everything Mylo and Claggor were dead.The two kids i saw as my own were no longer alive.Soft sobs escaped my lips as i looked at Vi that was laying next to me as the large  door  was on top of us not making it able to move.

For a second i thought Vi was dead as well before hearing soft sobs comming from her.I puted my hand around her in a hug or at least a half hug.It was hard to call it a hug when the door was on top of us.

y/n:It okay.It will be okay.

I wispered as i cryed along side her.

A loud groan escaped Vander as he pushed the rock that was on top of him off.After all of this Silcos man were still trying to get to us.He got up and walked out the room punshing  two of the man as he finaly came face to face with the monster.Vi was now crying out of control looking at  Mylos and Claggors dead body as i continue to hug her .The electronics from the lights startet a fire as i was no more able to see Vander my eyes only able to make out three shadows.It was about 3 minutes as the door was pushed off of us and the monster was standing above us.

Silco:Leave the girl live.I only want the kid to die.

I heard him say as Vi burried her face in my neck.It was the first time i saw her like this and it broke my heart.

It was then that the ground started to shake.And what i thought was the most horrifying monster was pushed away by another one.But not just any monster.

y/n:Vander?

I said in a wisper as i looked at the thing.

Vander:Silco!

He yelled as the cilling on top of me and Vi started to colaps.Vander gived one last look at Silco and quickly ran to us taking both of us in his arms and jumped out of the building as the whole building exploted.

By the time my eyes opened i was lying on the ground as Vi was crying next to what was no longer the Vander i knew.

y/n:Vi.

I mumbled.Not even i hear my own voice   as i heard someone speak.

Powder:Vi it worked! My boomb finaly worked.

Vi:You did this?

My eyes moved to look up.It was hard to see but i could make out a small figure standing close to a taller figure.Powder and Vi.

Vi:Why?Why did you do this?

Powder:I i thought i was saving you.

She said her voice breaking.

Powder:I only wanted to help.I only wanted to help

She kept repeating as her voice started to stutter.

Vi:I told you to stay away.I told you to stay away!

She yelled as he punched her cheek.

y/n:Powder.

I wispered.I could even make a sound loud enough for them to hear.

Powder:Why did you leave me!

Vi:Becouse your a Jinx!

She yelled.She got up and walked away not bothered by Powders cries.

Powder:Vi! Please come back!Please i need you!

It was to no avail Vi didt turn aroud.

The fire behind us was comming closer and closer if we didnt move away we would both be ashes in a few minutes.But as much as i wanted to move i was not able to.It was then that i heard footsteps.But when my eyes looked up it was not Vi that was standing there.It was Silco and three of his goons standing next to him.

y/n:Leave her alone.

I wispered as i held out my hand wanting to get up but to no avail.

Silco:Hello little girl.

He said not even looking at me.

Silco:Where is your sister?

Powder looked at him and jumped into his arms.A small yelp escaped my lips as i saw that.I was not the onlyone taken back.

Powder:She left us.

It was then that Silco looked at me his eyes telling he was not expecting that.

Powder:She is not my sister anymore.

y/n:Dont!

I hissed as Silco moved his hand only it was not a scream but more of a cry.He gently placed his hand around Powder.

Silco:Its okay.

He said talking to both Powder and me.

Silco:We will show them.Oh…we will show them all.

[thenextchapterbegins]

Pain overwhelming

@winters-club inspired by their die in your arms post here

No...this couldnt be happening. He was supposed to protect, he was supposed to be there. to save not to have someone in his arms..dying..not again.."Hey..try not to speak, save your strength...i-itll be fine..i p-promise. Just hang on..."" His voice cracking with each word knowing it was a lie... Tears had already begun to stream down his face. His heart tearing with each word the other said.

When you inspire someone, when you inspire them to follow you..to help you, to fight for you. It is your responsbility to make sure that they get to come home at the end...its your responsbility to make sure they come out ok..no matter what happens to you, they have to carry on...thats HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO.

His teeth gritting together. "I...i love you too.." and then..she was gone. He had failed...again.

He slowly laid her onto the ground lowering his head as he slowly took in a breath and exhaled.

never again.

He slowly raised his head as he stood beginning to walk forward.

NOTHING. LIKE THIS COULD EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!

His teeth gritted together as his fists began to ball into tight fists.

I WONT LET IT! ILL NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!

The pain, it was overwhelming like a dam breaking as anger swelled and swelled until it reached a breaking point.

He lurched over on all fours as his gloves broke apart hands growing, nails growing sharper. His red shoes ripping before erupting, his quills sharpening growing, larger and larger as his form grew larger and larger. Panting as teeth became razer sharp.

NO MORE CHANCES! NO MORE FORGIVENESS!

His eyes whited over as his fur turned dark pitch black as a shockwave of almost dark pure chaotic energy shot out as he let out a breath steam almost exiting his mouth.

His form slowly moving standing, the hedgehog was nowhere to be found in this form it was purely that of a werewolf consumed by anger and wrath. Consumed by darkness.

He took out a step and let out a thunderous roar to the foe that would take something this precious from him.

A dark raspy chuckle echoed out. "Im going to tear you apart." His voice low, deep. His words. A promise.

[jupitercl0uds]

ive just been reminded of stuff oh no

if youve read most of my posts since like mid august, maybe september onwards, youll know that i am STRUGGLING rn. while its been all over the place, having highs and lows, i seriously havent been this bad since 2020/21. i know the reasonable thing to do is take a break, but i cant do that because i have pitiful impulse control atm. that being said, the only thing to really stop me is to deactivate. my main blog's been going for years now, so i dont want to lose everything, though i also get the urge to occasionally.

the issue is, the only times i actually feel almost fully comfortable in a social circle is on tumblr and even then im still scared and awkward. my school friends keep saying really hurtful stuff and while a lot of it is just as a joke, theres almost no time to be serious with them. ive tried. i weakly asked them to stop calling everything retarded more months before finally putting my foot down and demanding, although it took a month of 'retard! whoops, i shouldnt say that' before they just went straight back to it.

my family loves me but i dont like it here. i dont think i even can get into it because its complicated. just know ive seen and HEARD a lot over my short life and its finally starting to catch up to me.

as for the other kids in my school, im in an awkward spot. im honestly fairly 'normal', just with slight outbursts from time to time, but ive always been weird so i always will be. oh, year 9 me, how naïve you were. they don't care if you have an autism diagnosis, if you mask or not, you will NEVER be normal, you will NEVER be accepted and they dont care if theres a reason. if anything, that makes it worse.

im only ever happy when im on tumblr or doing something sonic related. on tumblr, im insecure that nobody really likes me or someone's going to manipulate me, with no amount of reassuring being enough to change that. and as youve already seen me say, sonic is 'too childish', no matter how heavy the themes can be.

this always happens. pre-2020, i didnt really use social media much and i was 11 oldest, so my main escape was roblox/youtube. in 2020-22, i was only happy when chatting to friends on discord. that was ruined when we all started to argue and drift apart. in 2022-23, it was tiktok. this was then ruined when popular kids found my silly waluigi tiktoks and started sharing them around. i havent used tiktok since june and i havent posted a public video since may.

but then, last year, i remembered i had a tumblr account. i started to use it more. and then, when sonic got involved and suddenly i was becoming friends with people, i started to feel my absolute happiest. i was euphoric.

until, of course, my brain struck.

if my birthday werent at the end of august, i think i would be much worse than i currently am, because at least i had a short break to be happy. school was off to a bad start from the very beginning. i didnt sleep the night before my first day, nor did i sleep before the second. what's worse, mum didn't let me stop working at the charity shop i had THOUGHT was for the summer, because, you know, i dont have anything on my plate, im able to just have a designated day of the week where i have to be productive. nope! ive had my days off, but ive still had work every week. is it hard? no! do i have the spoons to go most weeks? also no!

thats not to mention exams. ive always been a well performing student and will be surprised if i fail even 1 gcse, but im not the top of any of my classes, not even the ones im passionate about. no, i dont have to be, i know, but when you grow up as a kid who often IS the top of their year in something, the moment you aren't, you feel like a failure. even if i get all 9s and a d* in drama, there'll be someone who gets more than me in something, and i know i definitely wont get all 9s and a d* in drama. i was proud for a moment, for being top of english, until i found out a girl ive known since primary got a 9 in an english language mock. english language. my favourite english and the subject im best at. needless to say, i was miserable. i barely even slept across the course of my mocks and wont be surprised if i do the same for my gcses.

i sometimes wonder if im just not built for the world, which could honestly be the case. because i have low support needs and my biggest problems are sensory issues (which can be easy to prevent) and social problems, i forget im even allowed to be disabled by autism. but i think that honestly might just be the case.

ive always wanted to be a teacher or an animator, hopefully both, but im starting to wonder if i can do either. animator has such a big workload. teacher also has a big workload, but i know because my family is full of teachers and artists that it's the kind of workload i can manage. but the kids? could i control the kids? could they even take an autistic, nonbinary teacher seriously? again, i dont have high support needs, but its hard not to notice im autistic. of course, if everything goes to plan, i would probably start teaching in the 2030s earliest, 2050s latest, so the world will have changed, but how much?

i get most of these are problems out of my control, but i suppose im just scared and tired of living. that's why i make a million posts a minute: i cant get a word in edgeways with anyone else. that's why i get so apologetic: id get ridiculed for trying otherwise. i get that im annoying and boring. i should know. when i was 3, my dad infodumped about back to the future to me for about half an hour and it was such a tiring experience that it still gets brought up. so i get it, it's annoying when all i care to talk about is sonic. but its the one thing i can care about right now. the world is in ruin and i hate being alive. i dont even have enough motivation to act upon any occasional suicidal/self harming thoughts.

but life goes on and there's no way to stop it.