#shut up ulrike

[alexanderpearce]

where are my photos of the snowgums that strip back to bright red trunk

[masterbaiting]

[alexanderpearce]

sorry for the addition but i need everyone to know that eric abetz, after stepping back from federal politics for several years, is still alive and has yesterday just made preselection for the next tasmanian state election 💔 all i'm hoping is that they finally pass the anti conversion therapy bills before he's inevitably voted in.

Reblog if you’re part of a hostile nation that’s declared war on Australia

[agena87]

Small (unedited) preview of the two first renders in my series of pinup!Ulrike. The vibes couldn't be more different (and it's even more apparent in the edited versions).

The Homemaker & the Homewrecker (in which she seduces the wife of her rich boss)

---

I'm thinking about making another magazine-like side blog, to post this kind of render (sexy women being sexy, yet classy). I mean, I could post them on @camaieu-magazine, but that's supposed to be an art/fashion magazine. I want an erotic/glamorous one for Ulrike to work for (just like, Camaïeu is the one for which Wolfie works).

This new magazine would also be 100% made by and for women (who may or may not love women). Because no way in hell Ulrike would ever pose for a men's magazine (or even pose for a male photographer - at least, not a straight/bi one -, for that matter). And my multitude of lesbian characters (and the few female bisexuals) deserve something made exclusively for them.

I'm thinking of maybe calling it "Lilith Loves Lavender Lipstick" (4L for short), "Sappho's Violets" or simply "Femme(s)". I don't know.

(also, I'm having Ulrike brainrot, and I'm building some more lore for her - mainly regarding how she became a pinup model and what other work she had done/she's doing; she's a painter first and foremost, but it doesn't pay that well when you're not a renowned artist, so: modelling & some more)

[thebramblewood]

There's no handbook for how to break it to your ex-girlfriend that you can't stay friends because you're about to become a bloodthirsty vampire who may or may not kill her on the spot.

Previous / Next

Ulrike: Are you sure you're up for this?

Helena: Stop asking me that! We'll be done faster if we work together.

Ulrike: I don't know how you can stand to wear that hoodie. It's been like summer the past few days.

Helena: Just shut up and keep this thing moving.

Ulrike: Yes, ma'am.

-

Ulrike: Really? You guys move one mattress and already need a cupcake break?

Isaiah: We've earned it.

Ange: There's been a real dearth of quality baked goods in our lives lately.

Ulrike: Get your asses back to work!

-

Ulrike: What is that on your neck? Is that a hickey?

Helena: What? God, no, it - it’s nothing. Why are you being so nosy?

Ulrike: [smirks] Because it’s fun to see you squirm.

-

Ulrike: Come on! You call to brag about meeting the hottest girl alive - must be, if she beats me - and now you’re going to leave me hanging?

Helena: [cringes] Did I really say that? I was so drunk that night.

Ulrike: Obviously.

Helena: There’s nothing to say because it’s not going anywhere. I’ll probably never see her again.

Ulrike: Ah. She was too good to be true?

Helena: Something like that.

Ulrike: Eat up, Zhao. You look like you could use the nutrients.

Helena: I do feel awfully hungry…

-

Ulrike: It’s the end of an era, huh?

Helena: Yeah, it really is.

Ulrike: You’ve got someplace to stay?

Helena: Oh, yeah. I’ll be fine. [laughs weakly] My turn to borrow a spare couch.

Ulrike: Then where are you headed?

Helena: Home, I guess. [under breath] That should be far enough for now.

Ulrike: Far enough from what?

Helena: I don’t know. [hesitates] Everything? I just need a break.

Ulrike: Well, you could always come visit me in Windenburg. I’d like us to stay friends, you know?

Helena: Yeah, maybe… [doubles over in sudden blinding pain]

Ulrike: You’re really okay?

Helena: [dismissively] It’s just cramps. Can you believe I’ve got my period on top of everything else?

Ulrike: Take care, Zhao. And keep the tarps. Seems like you need them more than I do.

[alexanderpearce]

okay here's my attempt at a last hurrah of propaganda for pearce: vote for him because is this not the cannibalism website! and is this not the bizarre blorbo bracket and is he not far more bizarre of a blorbo to have!

while on his first escape he had to eat people to survive, there is a report (entirely unverified and possibly invented) that when they caught him after his second escape, where he ate another guy, he still had pork and bread with him, leading to the narrative that his first escape awakened a cannibalistic urge in him he had to slake once again.

two of the men on his first escape were described as being quite close in pearce's original confessions and from then on most pieces of media based on the events (including the book bloodlust by nick bleszynski and the movie van diemen's land (2009), as well as the nonfiction book hell's gates by paul collins) have taken that and run with it and been like oh yeah. They Were Gay. bloodlust by nick bleszynski even goes so far as to incredibly homophobically make alexander pearce himself gay, making this analogous to his developing cannibalistic urges.

vote pearce if you stand for weird cannibal guys and really niche history

Round 1 poll 30: Alexander Pearce from Australia vs Stain Edwards from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

Propaganda under the cut:

Alexander Pearce

he was an escaped convict in lutruwita/tasmania in the 1820s who ended up a cannibal, the last one left of his crew of escapees after they started eating each other because they had no idea how to live off the land without guns. he was caught after some months and admitted to his cannibalism but the authorities thought he was lying to cover up the other guys being bushrangers and out there still at large. a year later he escaped again with one other man, thomas cox. a week after this escape they found him again after he lit a fire in a rush of something like guilt. he said that cox had drowned. he said i have a piece of his bloody thigh in my pocket to prove he drowned :). they hanged him. i live in lutruwita/tasmania and am obsessed with him in a way i feel almost transcends autistic special interest. i've been to a few (hard to access!) places where events in the story took place. i swear i've read every book about him. my tumblr url is @/alexanderpearce.

Stain Edwards

In the height of my Don't Hug Me I'm Scared obsession in October 2022 (following the release of their 6-episode television show) one thing that still stands out to me is Stain Edwards, The Forever Boy (he named himself). Stain Edwards is a pink claymation glob thing that was created by two of the characters (Red Guy and Yellow Guy) after their third member (Bird Guy) "died" (he didn't really die). He was created out of a make-a-best-friend kit to replace Bird Guy and was immediately mocked, belittled, ignored, and abandoned by Red Guy and Yellow Guy before dying himself (it's been a while since I watched it but I think he was sucked into a horrible black vortex or something and then never talked about again). Anyways the instant I saw Stain Edwards I realized that whenever I hear the word "blorbo" with no context, he was the mental image my brain supplied, even before I knew him. Stain Edwards, The Forever Boy, you'll always be famous.

[alistonjdrake]

Of Blood and Stone Excepts: Very Important Business

It didn’t shock him that Queen Liliana was the first to speak. She covered most of her face with her fan. All he could see were her eyes. 

“As if we could announce the deaths of these two young men while our nation mourns the emperor. I thought it best not to stress you with the burden due to your bleeding heart.” 

His throat clenched. A compliment or a jab? 

Lord Barraza cleared his throat. Argus couldn’t tell if it was simply to draw attention or if their current centerpieces were unsettling to him. “I thought it best to consider our foreign relations for this matter, Your Highness.” 

“Our foreign relations?”

“It upsets the Oskyans enough that you parade the nun around, I would rather not have them know their war prize has gone missing.” 

Shit. Argus clicked his teeth. 

“This is very troubling, Your Highness, but perhaps—”

He shot Councillor Gilabert a glare. “I especially don’t wish to hear from you.” 

Nodding, Councillor Gilabert shut his mouth and scooted his chair back as if to excuse himself from the table. He already sat the furthest away, facing the grey feet of the corpses. They barely jutted out of the sheet. Uncomfortable reminders and most fragrant from the herbs the crypt workers stuffed the empty cavities of the dead with to cover the smell of decay. 

Argus leaned back in his chair, curling his hands together over his belly. 

“I presume Prince Aayden doesn’t know about this either?”

Lord Barraza shook his head. “No, Your Highness, and the incident at the Pilla de Calenos provides a perfect distraction.” 

“Although we are most sorry that such a horrible thing should happen to you—”

Another glare flew in Councillor Gilabert’s direction. He made the smart decision to leave his sentence unfinished. 

Queen Liliana sighed in her reluctance. “Mother Ulrike is a foreigner and her death does demand action, I do not think it’ll upset tradition to announce her death, at least not among those who would need to know.” 

Saints be damned that this was the loophole she approved. Argus drummed his fingers on the knuckles of his other hand. 

“We did find what we suspect to be her body. We could call Ambassador Ulmer aside to identify her. Sensitively, of course.” A useless prospect, the damage was likely too gruesome and Argus had done everything in his power to avoid looking at her.

The corners of Lord Barraza’s lips twitched like he wanted to smile. “Approach him with the death first before we tell the Crown Prince. I think that’s wise.” 

“Do you?” Queen Liliana lifted an eyebrow. 

“His Royal Highness has unpredictable tempers.” 

Argus scoffed in his agreement. “He and Princess Hadley have no love for the woman but I doubt they want to know she died in a riot she started.” 

With a displeased hum, Queen Liliana snapped her fan shut. “Fine, but we must make it clear then that Ambassador Ulmer is to be our agent in delivering this news. Oskyan by blood, but he pockets our money.”

“They all do,” Argus spat under his breath. He sat up straighter. “I would also like to be kept in the know about the Duchess Benedetta situation.” 

Silence. Lord Barraza and Queen Liliana flicked their eyes towards Councillor Gilabert. Their sacrificial little lamb. 

[charmfamily]

(SEMI) CHARMED KIND OF LIFE: EPISODE 3, PART XVII. “GENESIS IN BLACK”

Transcript Below.

ULRIKE: You… come. [She nods toward the stairs leading down and out the back of Madame Madelaine’s ballet academy, perking a brow and smirking at the confused expression on the other girl’s face.]

GEMMA:  What? 

ULRIKE: Class is over, I’m going outside for a smoke, and I’m asking you to come with– I know it’s not an engraved invitation, but consider yourself my plus one if you want to get out of here quickly.

GEMMA: But…I don’t smoke – 

[Pan to a shot of Siobhan Fyres, talking to Luna Villareal, Londyn Pleasant, Audrielle Ernest, and Sofia Bjergsen, while a man in a suit looms in the background, watching them intently: “Yeah, Daddy has been very adamant about beefing up security for me because of the whole “murderer” thing going on – like it’s really killing the vibe of my summer, I’m not even allowed to go to parties without him following me around and this is the worst timing ever, Malcolm’s throwing one on his yacht next Saturday – seriously, I’m thinking about not even making an appearance because this is stupid embarrassing, it’s all anybody is gonna be talking about.” Luna chimes in with an enthusiastic “I know, right?!”] ULRIKE: [She smirks at Gemma, exaggeratedly rolling her eyes.] You seriously wanna stay in here and listen to that? They’re not exactly in any danger of shutting up any time soon.

[alexanderpearce]

did you know that former australian prime minister tony abbott was tangentially implicated in a wildlife trafficking operation back in the early 2000s google 'tony abbott budgie smugglers' to learn more

[alexanderpearce]

what does it all mean

vore/cannibalism alignment chart

i finally made it real. what quadrant are you in

[masterbaiting]

[wildjuniperjones]

Heads Up Seven Up

@andromedaexists tagged me for a game of Heads Up, Seven Up (thank you!), so here's my last seven lines written for a vignette in The Silver Hand.

Grandmaster Ivarr is the leader of the titular Silver Hand, a monster hunting guild in 1100s Norway. Olnara is his Skald-Consul: basically his consulting mage. Ulrik is Ivarr's best friend and bodyguard.

“I don’t want your pity, you nag! I didn’t ask you to ‘rescue’ me. I was– I was fine on my own.” Ivarr spat. “Fine! If you want to drown yourself in a keg, don’t let me stop you, Grandmaster,” Olnara said with a sweeping bow. “Oh like you have any right to judge–” “WILL BOTH OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF?! It’s the middle of the fucking night!” Ulrik shouted at the top of his considerably-sized lungs, slamming his chamber door open just ells away from the bickering pair. “Either take it outside and kill each other, or go rut in your chambers, but get the fuck out of here so we can get some gods-blessed peace.” Olnara stood frozen for a moment, trying to parse what the huro had said as he shut the door, grumbling all the while.

I'll tag @promiseiwillwrite, @dogmomwrites, @smol-feralgremlin, @onmywaytobe, and an open tag for anyone who sees this!

[alexanderpearce]

cuthbertson narrative, printed in alexander pearce by dan sprod

'you know, he's a very smart young man, ollie. but he would sell his own grandmother to get ahead.'

[alexanderpearce]

do you people even know about shawn the prawn

[alexanderpearce]

to be quite honest to know the dead you do have to eat them and then spit out the living particles!!! (heiner müller quoted in translating words, translating cultures by lorna hardwick)

[alexanderpearce]

something really bad happened in australian parliament yesterday. this is real