#You can only respond using the Gary image

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

I made a post about what I thought was a real take a friend saw but they where joking but I made this meme and I think it is still relevant so enjoy lolz

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x9 thoughts

It’s no secret that I absolutely adore Coach Beard; he’s one of my favorite characters on the show, and he’s so well-written and well-acted that somehow I tend to be both perfectly satisfied with the details we see and truly curious to understand more about the way he thinks, what’s really happening re: his professional and personal devotion to Ted, where he comes from and where he’s going. I don’t need to know his name beyond the name he wants to be called, but I want to know why we don’t have any other names for him. And I don’t need him to be a bigger focal point of every episode, but I very much needed this episode’s world-exploding reminder that every single character on this show has a rich inner life, full of joys and troubles.

“Beard After Hours” is like a movie, but one that scatters its climaxes and puts off its resolutions...because it’s not a movie. It’s episode nine of a twelve-episode season of TV. When the episode ended, I felt this almost frantic “But he needed to break up with Jane for good before the end of the episode!” feeling. I was so pulled in by the idea of being able to tell an entire story in one night, of going on an odyssey alongside a complicated hero, that watching Beard and Jane find each other in that club felt as intense as the fact that we don’t know if Ted responded to Rebecca’s voicemail and we don’t know what’s going to happen with Rebecca and Sam and we don’t know who isn’t getting married and who is having a funeral in 2x10 (I mean, I have my strong suspicions, but still!) and we don’t know if Richmond will be promoted back to the Premier League. And on and on. I didn’t mind feeling desperate for the story to resolve even though I understood after thinking about it for ten seconds that of course it couldn’t resolve yet. Or ever. Or yet.

I’m a big fan of the TL episode recaps/reviews Linda Holmes writes for NPR, and I have to quote something from this week’s directly because it so perfectly explains my feelings:

The power of the scene where Beard dances in the club isn't that it's a beautiful romantic climax. It's that it's an explanation of why he cannot seem to extricate himself from this bad relationship. What makes the worst relationships so dangerous is that they have elements that feel good that are very hard to get elsewhere. Beard knows that; he tells it to God. What's concerning isn't that Jane makes the world seem more interesting; what's concerning is she's the only thing that does. That doesn't take away from the joy of the dancing; it just tells you that even happiness is complicated.

I love Holmes’ perspective here so much, because it articulates something I was struggling to figure out: how it can feel so legitimate, like such a (temporary but nonetheless powerful) relief, for Beard to find Jane in that club and to have this moment of euphoria as his night nears an end. How it is possible to experience that relief on behalf of a character while fervently wishing it could end differently, because it’s so clear from the abusive text messages and the toxic calls and the manipulative interactions that Jane is terrible to him and they’re terrible for each other. But Beard knows this. He knows it when he hugs Higgins in the parking lot after Higgins is honest with him in a way Ted and Rebecca and Keeley have not learned how to be, and he knows it when part of his prayer includes the clear articulation that Jane isn’t the cure for what “ails me.” He’s inching closer to greater self-knowledge just as Ted is.

And the two big resolutions that really, really needed to happen did. I didn’t know I needed Paul, Baz, and Jeremy to get to wrap up their own night out on the pitch at Nelson Road, but I did. It brought actual tears to my eyes. And the other resolution was Beard showing up with the other coaches’ coffees for their meeting to watch the game film. As interesting as it would have been to see what Ted would have done if Beard hadn’t shown up, I’m so, so glad that he did. He’s got a messed-up face and some truly epic pants on, but otherwise this is just Beard showing up for work, showing up for his friends. It was incredible to realize that Beard and Ted haven’t been exaggerating when they’ve referred to his sex-and-drug proclivities in the past. The night documented in 2x9 might have been particularly scary and violent and euphoric and awful and meaningful, but this type of all-night adventure isn’t a foreign concept for this guy. In all the other episodes of this show, when we see Beard we’re seeing someone who might have been out all night, who might have spent the hours the sun was down desperately pushing himself closer to whatever edges he could find.

I don’t really want to touch upon all the allusions in this episode. They are abundant, they are well-documented, and also I haven’t even seen the movie After Hours. I enjoyed this episode for its allusive qualities and I enjoyed this episode for what it was and I feel like I have to be at peace with the fact that I’m never going to pick up on every single reference on this show and that is okay.

So, yeah, if this entry on my tumblr dot com blog seems remarkably devoid of references and allusions, it’s not because I’m not into it but because I find it too overwhelming to actually write about.

Very into the Misplaced and Discovered box at the Crown and Anchor. (That’s what Mae wrote on the Lost and Found box at the pub, right? Whatever it is, it’s so funny.)

Beard hallucinating Thierry Henry and Gary Lineker was truly upsetting and a great indicator not only of how broken things are between the Richmond coaching staff right now but also how deep Beard’s self-loathing might go. If you’d asked me before Thursday if I thought Beard loathed himself, I would say no. That deepening of knowledge alone makes 2x9 worth it.

James Tartt and his friends in the alley. Such a nightmare. I go back and forth on how much of the night was real, and part of me has decided all of it is, short of the images of Henry and Lineker. (And even that is real to the extent that it was a way of articulating what was in Beard’s head.) But watching Beard in physical danger brought on by the same abuser who had him so upset in the first place. It was a lot.

I’m so excited that Paul and Jeremy and Baz got some spotlight this episode. It was so wonderful to see them out of the pub. I love that they ended up telling the Oxford snots who they really were. They got to see Beard going to bat for them and smoothing over the situation socially, and that actually made it more possible for them to end up being truthful about themselves. Because they have nothing to be ashamed of, and they deserved the magic of that night. (And for it to end on Nelson Road. Every feeling. Oof.)

I feel like I barely have anything to say about the trouser-mending lady or the many places Beard goes or his key-dropping or the nightmarish feeling of wanting to be home and being unable to be home. It all happened and we all watched it and again, it was a lot. But I do feel incredibly moved and fascinated by the fact that Beard very obviously still hasn’t been home when he brings in the coffee. He’s had to sleep at the club for Jane- and key-related reasons in the past, and this time it’s not that he’s slept there but it still feels like a kind of homecoming he was robbed of for the entire night. Ted and Roy and Nate are there. He’s gotten their coffee orders correct. Ted is growing and evolving (he wants to learn from what’s happened, he’s insisting upon it even when the others resist) but he’s done a really perfect (almost romantic in its loveliness) thing by presumably spending his evening following a breakdown of his own speeding up the game film to 10x speed and adding Benny Hill. Ted is not OK and Beard is not OK and Nate is not OK and Roy is pretty OK but could very easily be not OK because he’s just joined a coaching staff with a whole lot of not OK. But they all showed up.

I am very into the realism of the lights being off in the club other than the coaches’ office (@talldecafcappuccino pointed this out!), and the way we’re seeing their desks from a different angle because this episode is unfocused on Ted. It really added to the mindset of being hungover and exhausted and unable to go home or even to know exactly what home should be; even this warm, familiar place feels off even as it’s a relief to be back there.

I am excited to return to our regularly scheduled programming with the full cast of characters, but I really adored this episode for what it taught us about Beard and what it illuminated about the humor, pain, and complexity of each person who inhabits this universe. Beard may not be loud about his long-standing beliefs or about the things he’s learned, but there’s a lot happening in there and I appreciated getting to spend 43 minutes with him and (in the case of the ticket he scrawls on a piece of paper so the pub guys can get into Nelson Road) the moments he sets in motion.

[kaistarus]

Mistexting Mayhem

Pairing: Nishinoya X Reader

Words: 1.6K

Summary: You accidentally send Nishinoya a text that was meant for Yachi and now he’s knows secrets you were hoping he never found out

A/N: If you think this fic is anything but crack you’re wrong lmao I’ve always wanted to write a fic with this style and Noya is great for the chaos i needed. It was fun

Masterlist

[6:40pm] idiot⚡: look y/n without adhd id be too powerful

                         i could beet god himself in handtohand combat

                         god was afraid of my raw fuckin awesomeness wen i bursted from the woom

[6:41pm] y/n: there is so much wrong with what u just said

[6:41pm] idiot⚡: i have absoltly no clue wat

[6:43pm] y/n: put those 3 brain cells to work. I believe in you

[6:43pm] idiot⚡: but theyve reached their daily quota

                          plz there so tired and overworked

You snorted, a dopey smile on your lips as you laid surrounded by textbooks and homework, swinging your feet in the air behind you. You focused intently on the cell phone in your hand doing everything you could to procrastinate the schoolwork around you.

[6:44pm] y/n: noyas so stupid

[6:44pm] yachi❤: i thought you liked him?

[6:45pm] y/n: jeez Yachi. dont come for my throat

                       i cant help that i have bad taste 🙄

[6:46pm] yachi❤: if it helps he tripped over a stray ball today

                               maybe think of that till you don’t like him??

Unfortunately, the image of Nishinoya waving to everyone then biffing it only had you smiling like a dork. How you’d gotten to a point that Nishinoya being an idiot made you swoon, you’ll never know.

You raised your eyebrow suspiciously at the new notification on Snapchat from ‘Tanaka’ and after swiping it open you nearly dropped your phone. Looking back at you was Nishinoya, his head tilted and eyebrow quirked in confusion with a gari-gari kun shoved halfway down his throat. The caption at the bottom reading ‘daaaammn look at your prince charming go 😩’.

You frowned at the picture, letting out a frustrated groan at how your heart accelerated against your ribcage. You quickly tapped out of it and reopened the messenger app.

[6:57pm] y/n: we have to kill Noya

[6:57pm] idiot⚡: we??? what kind of mission is this??? 😤

[6:58pm] y/n: i like him too much. he has to die. its for my own good

You waited impatiently for her response and almost debated doing your homework since it took longer than you felt necessary. You supposed you had suggested murder to Yachi, but still…

When you finally received a response your entire body froze.

[7:11pm] idiot⚡: U LIKE ME?!?!? 😍

                          UR KILLING ME?!?! 😢

                          IM SO CONFUSED......

                          and a lil turned on ngl👀

Your hand covered your mouth in horror as you processed what the hell you had just done. This didn’t happen to people in real life. Mistexting was stuff people made up when they created fake texts for social media to get likes. You didn’t think people actually went through this.

You opened new notifications to escape the hell that stared you straight in the face.

[7:15pm] Tanaka💪: Yo, whatd u do. Whys Noya having a panic attak

[7:16pm] y/n: I accidently texted him instead of Yachi and told him i liked him 😣

[7:16pm] Tanaka💪: O wtf thats hilarious 😂

[7:17pm] y/n: ITS NOT HILArIOUS

[7:18pm] Tanaka💪: Hes askin if its a prank. Wat do i do?

[7:19pm] y/n:I DONT KNOW SDKFHJN IM THE IDIOT WHO STSRTED IT

He stopped responding and you banged your head against your pillow anxiously.

[7:23pm] y/n: YACHI ITOLD NoYA I LKED HIM AND NOU HE NOS WAY DO JI DO!?!????! 😭😭😭

[7:23pm] idiot⚡: THIS ISNT YACHI!!!!

                           HOLY FUKC U DO LIEK ME!!!

You screamed into your pillow. Were you fucking kidding? This could not be happening.

[7:25pm] Tanaka💪: dude, twice? i cant save u now 🤪

[7:25pm] y/n: betraying me in my time of fucking need? i’ll remember this asshole

[7:26pm] Tanaka💪: so vulgar 👀

You growled at Tanaka’s uselessness and bravely peeked through one eye as you went back to your conversation with Nishinoya.

[7:24pm] idiot⚡: STOP IGNORING ME I KNO UR TEXTING RYU

[7:26pm] idiot: IM GONNA KEEP SPAMMING U TILL U ANSWE RME😤

[7:26pm] idiot⚡: 1

                          2

                          3

                          4

                          5

                           6

                           7

                           8

                           9

[7:27pm] y/n: what is this twitch chat? fuck 

[7:28pm] idiot⚡: your heeeeererererreee 🥰

[7:29pm] y/n: soooooo………..

                        clearly there has been a misunderstanding

[7:29pm] idiot⚡: oh nonono. I understand PERFETCLY. u LOVE me

                         its ok. this is a safe space. we can discuss feelings 😌

[7:31pm] y/n: there are zero feelings to discuss

[7:31pm] idiot⚡: then y did u say u like me too much so i have to die?

[7:34pm] y/n: i am filled with rage 🤬

[7:34pm] idiot⚡: rage over how much u liiike me???🥰🥰🥰

[7:36pm] y/n: definitely not

You racked your brain for some kind of reasonable sounding excuse, eventually landing on:

[7:36pm] y/n: It was autocorrect

[7:36pm] idiot⚡: HAH????? FROM?????

[7:38pm] y/n: HAH???

                       ....Nora?

[7:38pm] idiot⚡: Who TF is nora???? 😡

[7:39pm] y/n: someoe i like obviously 😏

[7:40pm] idiot⚡: so u like them but u use my name so much it autocorrected to me? 🤔

[7:44pm] y/n: OK MR DETEcTIVE WHERE TF ARE THES BRAIN CELS COMIN GFROM?

[7:45pm] idiot⚡: i pull them out for special ocasions 😌

[7:45pm] y/n: well how bout you pack those up and put em away

[7:46pm] idiot⚡: how bout two people who LIKE each other SAY something so they can DOOOOOOOO something bout IT 🙄

You began typing a frantic message about how it was none of his business until you processed the message. Then you read it over several times before letting out an audible, “what the fuck.”

[7:50pm] y/n: YOU LIKE ME

[7:50pm] idiot⚡: I FLIRT WITH U ALL THE TIME WAT DO U MEAN yOu LiKe Me!?!

                          FUCKING OBVIOSLY

[7:51pm] y/n: literally when. name one time.

[7:52pm] idiot⚡: I WALK WITH U EVERY MORNING!!!

[7:53pm] y/n: I thought that was a coincidence???

[7:54pm] idiot⚡: I BRNIG U SNACKS DURING LUNCH!!!

[7:54pm] y/n: I thought they were leftovers??

[7:55pm] idiot⚡: …....I call you cute and invite you to my games.

[7:56pm] y/n: you call everyone attractive and i thought there was like a audience quota or something........?

[7:57pm] idiot⚡: ….i cant tell who i should be upset with rn but i think its u 😑

[7:58pm] y/n: WAT WHY!?!

[8:00pm] Idiot⚡: I LIKE U+U LIKE ME=WE LIKE EACH OTHER

[8:01pm] y/n: whoa. slow down. I hate math 😣

[8:02pm] Idiot⚡: ===WE SHUD GO ON A DATE!!!

[8:02pm] y/n: HAH!? i think you started multiplying that addition problem buddy 🤨

Your cheeks were beginning to ache from how wide your dopey grin was. You couldn’t help but tease Nishinoya-it was second nature at this point-even if you now knew your feelings were mutual.

[8:04pm] idiot⚡: i suk at math but thats NOT the point

                         point iiissss i think deep down u want to hang out and cuddle and fall in love

                        maybe even..... 😏 kiiisssss

[8:04pm] y/n: WHOA WHOA WHOA

                        WARN ME BEFORE YOU GET NSFW

                        i would never premarital eye-contact. let alone k🤢ki-🤢🤢kiss🤢🤮🤮

[8:05pm] idiot⚡: well we would have socks on 🙄

[8:06pm] y/n: oh. well if there’s protection

[8:06pm] idiot⚡: Im not a maniac

[8:07pm] y/n: i suppose as long as you dont do something stoopid

                        like faceplant in public

                        that would be humiliating

[8:08pm] idiot⚡: I-

                          who told you that 😠

[8:08pm] y/n: i have spies everywhere noya

                        youre never safe

[8:09pm] Idiot⚡: kinda hot 👀

                         makin me fear for my life like that👀

[8:10pm] y/n: i hate that i like you

                        It kills me inside 

                        i feel braincels leaving with every conversation

[8:12pm] Idiot⚡: fan behavior 😏

                          so am i taking u to eat tomorow or wat?

[8:14pm] y/n: if I HAVE to 🙄

[8:14pm] Idiot⚡: No u GET to

                          I am a fucking delite 😤

[8:15pm] y/n: whatever helps you sleep at night

[8:15pm] Idiot⚡: nothing helps me sleep at night. this mind never rests

[8:16pm] y/n: thinking 24/7 and still not a smart thing comes out of that mouth 👀

[8:17pm] Idiot⚡: yas, bully me more 😫

[8:19pm] y/n: ok thats as much as i can handle for one day......

                       im gonna pretend to do homework

[8:20pm] idiot⚡: okie... good luck my sweet baby pogchamp 🥰

[8:20pm] y/n: no

[8:20pm] Idiot⚡: 😘😘😘

[8:22pm] y/n: 🙄✋

[8:23pm] Idiot⚡: oh FUCK yas 🥵 shut me UP

[8:25pm] y/n: suddenly all i feel is endless regret

[8:26pm] Idiot⚡: i have that effect on people

                          See you tomorrow 🥰🥰🥰

[8:27pm] y/n: unfortunately 😘

[8:27pm] idiot⚡: 🥵

You flung an arm over your eyes and let a small giggle bubble up from your chest. Nishinoya was probably the biggest idiot you’d ever met, but you couldn’t help that thinking of spending time with him had you kicking your feet with excitement.

You supposed you should actually get started on your homework. You reached forward when a notification popped up from Yachi, asking if her idea worked and you had stopped liking Nishinoya.

...you should probably break the news, huh?

[misssophiachase]

Happy, happy belated birthday @destellolunar​ 

Sending all my thanks to my lovely and talented partner in crime @sekretny13​ (who wasn’t late at all just me fyi) for creating this AMAZING and stunningly beautiful mood board. She’s also been my much-needed brainstorming buddy, fic title aficionado and general sounding board. 

We hope you enjoy our gift. 

Princess Mary of Denmark met her future husband Prince Frederick at the Sydney 2000 Olympics. Yes, fun fact, they did meet in a bar (how very Australian). This is a totally fictional version of what their meeting could have been like. 

You Should See Me in a Crown

Two famous strangers, both trying to avoid paparazzi for different reasons, find themselves in a bar one night during the Summer Olympics.

Hank’s Bar, Downtown Los Angeles, CA - Tuesday, 2311 hours

“At the end of day seven, the United States tops the medal tally board with 23 gold, 17 silver and 11 bronze.”

“Let’s not forget half those medals were won in the pool, Gary, an absolutely brilliant effort by our athletes at these Olympic Games. The nearest competition is Poland and Australia with 14 and 9 gold medals respectively.”

“We’re only halfway through the games too, John, and given our impressive talent in the track and field competition there’ll only be more medals to come, especially gold ones.”

“No pressure,” she mutters, playing distractedly with the antique brooch firmly in her grasp. Given it’s a family heirloom and her lucky charm, she’s long since familiarised herself with each and every groove as her fingers trace over it slowly.  

She figures asking the bartender to turn down the volume is not an option given he’s clearly entranced by the Olympic coverage on TV, much like the rest of the world. 

Hank’s is a small dive bar in downtown Los Angeles. Popular on the weekends but thankfully fairly empty at this late hour on a Tuesday, exactly what she hoped for when planning her impromptu escape. 

Her coach would kill her if he knew she’d sneaked out of the olympic village after curfew but she needed some breathing space as well as the assistance of a strong vodka on the rocks. 

“Don’t forget we still have strong medal potential in a number of other, upcoming events including gymnastics, kayaking and equestrian, Gary.”

“Yes we do, who can forget America’s golden girl, Caroline Forbes?” Gary offers, all too enthusiastically for her liking. “She’s a triple threat, and has the potential to be the best we’ve ever seen from this country in the equestrian competition.”

“It’s her first Olympics but given the plethora of National and World Championship titles under her belt at only 26, she can easily take out the individual eventing competition and single-handedly help the US to a team victory.”

“For our viewers out there who might not be familiar with the particulars of equestrian, there are three competitions; dressage, jumping and eventing. Eventing is by far the most difficult given it encompasses all three disciplines. This is the triathlon of the horse world.”

“No pressure, at all,” she sighs loudly, forgetting her plan to be discreet just as her image fills the screen.   

“You...” the bartender begins, turning around slowly just as Caroline realises she’s done a lousy job of remaining incognito. Before she can reply, he continues, “need another one?” 

“I’m fine, thank you.” 

Being a world class athlete, having one vodka is bad enough let alone multiple especially the night before your competition.

“You sure do look familiar, has anyone ever told you that?”

Caroline’s hoping that her strategically placed baseball cap is enough to convince the guy she isn’t the person currently on screen. Before he can press further, the front door opens unexpectedly.

“Evening, what’s good here, mate?” He’s clearly out of breath as he asks the question while shrugging off his jacket. 

She looks up from beneath her cap, not sure whether this interruption is a good or bad thing. If it diverts attention elsewhere and drowns out the television she figures it can’t be all that terrible. 

The stranger’s voice is distinctly English but what grabs her attention most is that he’s wearing a baseball cap too, even if a few, stray, blonde curls have teasingly escaped. 

A Californian native, Caroline immediately recognises his orange, black and cream cap as that from her rival team. In Los Angeles there’s only one team and clearly this guy didn’t get the memo or has a death wish. 

“Alcohol,” the largely silent but burly bartender grunts, not even bothering to turn around given his attention is back firmly focused on the television. 

“Great, I’ll take one of those then,” he requests, taking a seat on the neighbouring barstool. 

“Really?” It’s out of her mouth before she can stop it. 

“Not that it’s any of your business but I was merely responding to sarcasm with sarcasm.” 

She gives him an exasperated look by way of response. 

“What? Was that too sarcastic a response? Fine, I’ll take a beer,” he asks, before leaning across to whisper in her ear.  She’s trying to ignore how his breath tickles the shell of her ear and just how good he smells, a mixture of spices and mint. “I’m sure your boyfriend will get over it.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she lies. Nothing against the bartender but Caroline likes to think her taste in men is slightly less hairy.  

“Liar,” he teases. “What you’ve failed to notice is that this place is practically dead so it probably doesn’t matter much.”

“Says the guy in that, just do us all a favour and take it off.”

“Excuse me? Take what off exactly? I’ve only just met you and, believe it or not, I’m not that easy, sweetheart.”

Read the rest on AO3 HERE

[marireadshellblazer]

Constantine TV Series Episode 4 “A Feast of Friends”

Aight, I feel the need to express some feelings about this episode. I’m not sure this is going to be terribly articulate, but I’ll do my best. Let’s do this.

First off, it’s obvious to anyone who has read Hellblazer that this episode is based off of the first two issues of the comic book series. As I wrote in my post about my experience reading it, these issues were the perfect way to start off the series. It’s like “BOOM! This is how it is! Get ready for some serious shit! This is your only warning; this is what you’re in for.” Even though they did change the story for the episode, I still absolutely loved it. The storyline from the comics is a favorite of mine, but even with the changes made in order to adapt it for TV, this was an awesome episode. In fact, it’s my favorite episode of the TV series. Here’s why!  

   Why is it episode 4?

  Unlike the comics this story was adapted to be episode 4, meaning it doesn’t start the TV series. So, why wouldn’t it start the TV series? I think that you have to look at it from a few different perspectives.

  Let’s start with the comic: Issues 1 and 2, titled Hunger and A Feast of Friends respectively, make up the first arc of the Hellblazer series. Most fans know, however, that Hellblazer is not John’s first appearance in comics; he got his own series after appearing throughout the American Gothic story arc of Swamp Thing. Consequently, many people came into Hellblazer at the time having some familiarity with the character. While this chapter does expand on John’s character some, this doesn’t serve as a major introduction to him. They just drop the reader into one of his nightmare-inducing everyday situations with little to no preparation. Those who are familiar with his role in Swamp Thing will, odds are, not find these issues to be terribly weird or particularly jarring considering it’s in a series about John; they have a good idea what they are in for.

   Here is a quick run-down: John returns to his apartment in Paddington after dealing with the horror show that is the Brujeria in the Swamp Thing comics. Exhausted, he comes back to an unwelcome guest; Gary Lester. Gary is one of the friends who was involved in the Newcastle incident (which is fully explained in issue #11), which left each of them scarred in their own way. Gary dealt with the aftermath via drugs, which have left him wide open for other issues. After foolishly releasing a demon from a sacrificial victim, Gary runs to John for help dealing with the destruction said demon is causing. In this case it’s a hunger demon that causes people to feast upon whatever they greatly desire; food, a crucifix, and even an athlete committing autocannibalism. With help from club owner and Voodoo practitioner Papa Midnight, John betrays his vulnerable and trusting friend in order to stop the demon by instead making him the new sacrifice. Trapping the demon inside of Gary, the literal and figurative ghosts of John’s past haunt and torment him mentally as his friend dies slowly and in agony, ending this arc with a melancholy feeling. John stopped a demon, but at the cost of a friend who truly trusted and cared for him.

Using this story to begin the TV series as is, however, would have been more than a little strange. In the minds of most people outside of the comic book world, John Constantine was first introduced to them via the horrifyingly inaccurate Keanu Reeves film. (I love Keanu, I really do, but that film give me agita). Or, if they were introduced to the show after it had already aired, they are introduced via Matt Ryan’s masterful work portraying him in Legends of Tomorrow. While he does an incredible job in both Constantine and Legends (to the point where I find that I may simply be unable to accept anyone else taking on the role in live action) it depresses me terribly that Legends toned down John’s character so much with all the goofiness. It did not suit John at all! If anything, I find myself feeling sorry for Matt Ryan, who tried so hard to do John’s character justice. Uhg.

   Anyway…Already, a lot of the audience is going to be more than a little taken aback by the Constantine series’ portrayal of the character, however comic book accurate he may be. This show is tailored to as wide of an audience as possible, meaning they expect that pretty much no one has read Hellblazer or Swamp Thing before. Consequently, having the series start by just dropping the audience into his crazy world, especially with this particular story arc, might not be the best idea. I’m not saying that his introduction is done super well with the first episode (it’s not a total wreak, but there are issues) but it would have been much harder to start with A Feast of Friends.

     Characterization

    Now, let’s look at it from another angle: characterization. As the 4th episode this was, odds are, done assuming that there would be a lot more episodes after this (oh, the painful reality), but really the viewers are still just getting to know John. So, these early episodes are supposed to establish his character. They see him as knowledgeable and ready to handle the weird and scary in the first episode, and in 2 and 3 you see that he is serious about his work, a loner, weirdly well prepared, and how he interacts with others. While in some situations he does come off like a douche, his douche-ness is on full display in this episode. Honestly, this is accurate to how he is in the comics; he’s a nasty piece of work, after all. A world class bastard. He gives Gary shit for his drug addiction pretty much the entire episode as well as his choice to mess with a demon and the chaos it made that he now has to fix. He, like in the comics, tricks Gary into helping him and it results in a slow, painful death for the man. Gary really did trust John, and not only did John betray him, but he was callous about it. Now, that’s not to say that the situation and Gary’s death doesn’t bother him, and this is also seen in both the episode and the comic, but John solders through a lot of it with his mask of stoic indifference; he blatantly a deliberately betrays his friend without much hesitation.

    John’s characterization in the show is really important. While fans of Hellblazer know what they are in for (John being a dick, betraying people, sacrificing friends, etc) the wide audience the show was meant to appeal to might not respond well to that. How is the audience supposed to relate to a character whose major personality trait in this arc is to basically be a douche (even if it is justified in a way)? Generally speaking, TV shows try to have a lot of characters with redeeming traits and very basic bitch personalities so that as much of the audience as possible can relate to them in some capacity. They can describe the main character as “cool, quirky, sweet, loving, etc” because that is what network television strives for. The point is for the audience to relate to and find a lot of reasons to like the character, especially the main character. The audience is supposed to be able to see the qualities of the character in themselves. An example of a douchy character being changed for network television is the titular character in TV series Lucifer. He can be an asshat at times, but his redeeming qualities shine through in pretty much every episode; he’s helpful, has a strong sense of justice, and cares about Chloe. He often goes out of his way to understand others, although he often misses the mark, and tries to fix problems and issues that he accidentally creates in order to keep relationships with others. These are things people can relate to, and although he can be rather uncouth, it’s played for laughs, and he has more redeeming qualities than not. If the Constantine series started off with John coldly betraying a friend after giving him shit for his addiction the entire episode with not a lot of his positive traits coming through, from the perspective of most people, this might not be a good way to try and connect with the audience. I’m not saying there are people who don’t/won’t, but again, this is network television and they tend to play on the safe side.

    Comic book -> TV

    Ok so let’s move onto the meat of this; the changes made to the story. People always complain when something isn’t totally accurate to the book down to every last detail (Harry Potter *cough cough*) and making story and character changes to adaptions of comic books is nothing new. However, to be fair, there are some legitimately good reasons for this. Time, money, limits technology wise, and pacing are good examples. The most important thing to consider, in my opinion, is that we are going from a comic book to television. Literally, that is the most important thing. Essentially, what the writers had to do when adapting this story for the show was carry over the plot from one medium to another, which is tricky.

    What’s a medium? A medium is a platform that allows a message to be shared or presented. So, using the medium of a comic book is how Jamie Delano was able to share his message; the story of John Constantine. The writers of the television series then had to adapt the story from comics, a visual and written medium, into a different kind of visual medium with different features to it; stage craft, voice, music, etc.

    Comic books have features for story telling; the size and placement of the panels, the writing, word bubbles, narration bubbles, colors, art style, etc. The pro’s to this are that you don’t get paragraph after paragraph describing a place or a person; they literally show them to you and the art presents those details. They also allow for the art to take in the reader emotionally through what the images convey; messy art, sudden loss of color, or even a sudden blank page after a tragic event are simple yet effective ways to convey emotion that are, at times, difficult or downright impossible to put into words. And sometimes the writer wants to leave things to interpretation or allude to something without saying it outright. While this can be done in writing, it can be done through the art as well, and depending on how skilled the artist or creative a set up can be just as effective if not more.

     In television storytelling can be done with another wide array of features. Close-ups on the actors, the actors and their performance in general, music, background narration, changes in location, lighting, ect. This allows for emotions to come across in different ways; the quality of the acting can make or break the effectiveness of the scene, and music and lighting can alter the message or feel of scene in order to change or heighten the point, pacing, the use of CGI or practical effects, etc. So, keeping this in mind, there are many features that are exclusive to film that are not in comic books, and vice versa. So, as you can imagine, adapting the stories or message from one medium to another is nowhere near as straightforward as people like to think it is. In other words, I tend to give the writers/actors/etc a break when it comes to adaption because, honestly, there is a lot that goes into it and it’s not like I could do better, honestly. I mean, there are piss poor adaptions, I’m not gunna lie, but there are a lot of them that I think don’t get enough credit simply because it’s “different” in some ways.

     Aight, let’s first refer back to what I said earlier concerning the comic; these issues aren’t so much an intro to John as they are literally following him from the end of the American Gothic arc in Swamp Thing and to his apartment where he gets involved with more shit (no rest for the wicked, amirite?). So, again, not a good way to start the TV series. In the TV show, they also have to tie in the changes they set up in the previous episodes. Continuity, my friends.

    So, what is different? Here are a few things: John having a safe house, being in the US, Chaz being American and also not involved, Zed being involved and being Latina, the new angel character Manny, and the absence of Papa Midnight really change a lot about the story. The heart of it is John’s relationship with Gary and the defeat of the demon, which thankfully remains unchanged at it’s core. This is the central idea that drives this story and I think that idea was actually done a bit better in the film medium than in the comic.

   Keeping all of these factors and all of these changes that needed in order to keep things consistent with the TV show’s changes, let’s get into why I think that this episode is good even with the changes, but why I love it.

I love It

      After taking some time to consider things, I realize that what really makes this episode great is the actors; specifically, Matt Ryan and Jonjo O'Neill. The chemistry between them is undeniable. The way they look at each other and how they talk to each other really makes you feel like, at one time at least, they were friends. The scene where Gary swipes the ID badge and says “I learned from the best” is a great example of this. The look on his face and John’s; I don’t have a real eloquent way to say it. I just sort of feel it.

The retcon of Gary’s character really helps with this. Being that Gary is introduced and then killed off in two issues, you don’t really get to know his character in the comics. He’s only in one episode of the TV series, yet he feels more fleshed out. Soul was added to the character. Showing his struggles with addiction, as well as what I suspect to be depression and PTSD, really humanized him. In the episode, he was more than just a desperate, annoying junky; he was a flawed and relatable human being. Who hasn’t made a mistake? How many people have made BIG mistakes with consequences difficult to handle? How many people are haunted by their actions from the past? Addiction and the effects is has on people is devastating. I’m glad that they kept the ending true to the comics, but the way he was portrayed in the episode really made me feel for Gary in this case. It almost made me hope that maybe he really would get better, and have the chance at redemption that he was trying so desperately to find. But it wouldn’t be a John Constantine series without an ending like this one; John loses a friend and slowly digs himself deeper into hell.

Of course, it’s the ending of the episode that people really remember best. It’s the scenes that solidified, at least for me, Matt Ryan as John Constantine. It’s what really helped me have faith in the series. Watching it now, and seeing what really could have been, makes the episode somewhat bitter sweet for me. I felt like this is when the series really found it’s footing; the acting, storytelling, and how well arcs from Hellblazer could be adapted. This is where I think Matt Ryan hit his stride and we could see what he was really capable of as an actor if they let him spread his wings. In the earlier episodes I was honestly unsure. He looked the part, but the soul of the character had not really had a chance to shine through.

How John treats Gary at the end really made a difference, too. Holding him while he was in pain, and sitting with him as he died in agony; these simple yet effective changes really drove home John’s humanity in the face of evil and the tough decisions he has to make. The look he gives many at the very end, the anger and sorrow he seems to be struggling to hold back, is haunting.

In this episode, Matt Ryan’s love and dedication to John’s character shine. Seeing the story in live action gave this story a stronger impact. Even without a lot of the social commentary that was present in the comic, the live action element is what really helps drive the story home. I think it’s because it’s real people showing these very real emotions that can be hard to translate into art. Not to say that John Ridgway did a bad job, but it’s different in live action.

I hope I was able to get these thoughts across. I wasn’t sure if I should share this or not, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I know this is sort of jumbled, but hopefully it’s not a total mess to read.

[ravenadottir]

i’ve seen asks about this before but I wanted your take on it because I love your opinions and how much depth and flavor you give the islanders especially the bland as hell ones (*cough* Jo *cough*) (*cough* i hate her *cough*) anywayssss how do you think a relationship would go if MC never found love with any of the Islanders, but ended up falling for one of the producers or someone who works on set ?

yesss! thank you! jo is the worst! i’ve seen people saying “oh, but all she did was kiss ibrahim and lie about it.”

riiiight, but that bullshit lasted two weeks, then she twerked on my guy’s lap, smirking and thinking she was doing some damage! “vena, that’s the girl you have the lowest relationship with.” THEN SHE BROUGHT ON HERSELF, SON! if she wasn’t unbearable, i wouldn’t have a low relationship with her, and that’s on that.

*takes a deep breath* NOW

that galaxy brain of yours, bringing this prompt, it’s detrimental for me, ‘cause like, i already have over 23 WIPS... LOL but because you’re a fellow common sense stan, i’ll do a quick list of bullet points for this scenario... i honestly love it so much, and i apologize if someone has done it, but i haven’t seen it.

((this got a little long, so i’m putting it under the cut, for space saving purposes))

in the game they don’t quite show just how much the islanders actually interact with the camera/mic crew. they’re present in every date and recouplings, besides those “following” shots when they walk to the different locations. there are some takes that show the islanders having friendly conversations with them, and that’s why i included mic guy in gary’s beach hut confessions. it’s also something i mention in noah’s chapter, on “hold the line”, after operation nope.

for this scenario, i’m using a f!mc - robin x m!cameraman - seb

robin meeting the boys could’ve been exciting, but after a few days she quickly realizes the o.g boys are nothing but friends to her, her couple being the closest. let’s pair her up with bobby, initially.

the bombshells arrive, and still, she doesn’t feel much, but she’s invited to a date, and in hopes to find that little spark everyone keeps talking about, she decided to go.

while walking towards the table, she notices the camera man focusing on the image of the side screen, possibly telling her to flip her hair, and she does it, playfully charmingly, because why not? she’s excited to go, and that makes him smile. “that’s perfect.” he says, following the path to the table, where the henrik waits for her.

as she finishes the conversation with mountain boy, robin and seb move on to go back to the villa, the guy quietly follows her, but he can’t help asking. “how was it?”

she shrugs, maybe looking directly at him. “i think it went fine.”

“you don’t sound excited.”

she looks down, biting her inner lip. “i guess i don’t, huh...”

he leaves her by the gate, waiting to get further instructions. after bobby finds her, and she gets another text, she’s again heading to the date, the cameraman just smiling awkwardly. “another one, huh?”

“yeah, i guess...” they exchange a look, and she puts a strand of hair behind her ear.

“are you... excited?” immediately his pocket vibrates, and he interrupts the shot, reading the text. “focus on the shot.” so he does, staying quiet as he continues it. robin gets a bit confused, but it’s probably something to do with his job, so she doesn’t say anything.

as the date ends with lucas, and she walks back, the camera man is quiet, which makes her intrigued. “did you get in trouble?”

he nods, perching his lips. “nah, it’s fine.”

“i hope so. i don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

“honestly... it wouldn’t be the worst thing if it was because of you.”

they exchange a look and he brushes it off as they get to the entrance, and before she steps in, robin quickly turns to face him, speaking in a very discreet voice. “hopefully i’ll see you on the next one.”

on the afternoon of day 9, robin needs to choose someone to go on a date with. as she and her pick leave the villa, seb is following them, slightly uncomfortable, and possibly focusing the camera way more on her, not even noticing. the boy she’s taking definitely realizes it, but doesn’t say anything.

every challenge they need to go to a platform has her following behind, just to steal a glance or two from him.

and every time the challenge ends, she does the same, going back to the villa while having a short conversation with him.

each recoupling has her a little more on edge because of that initial attraction she felt towards him, and none of the boys really have her head over heels. from time to time it’s possible he casts a look or two, mouthing “are you alright” during the drama that she gets pulled in.

casa amor, which is a pivotal moment for all of them, because they all get in the cars, and the cameraman gets a little anxious, is now a reason to make him ask for the assignment in the second villa, not the main. he has to himself this is just a crush, and it will be fine after a few days, but it’s becoming really hard to look away whenever she’s around. same for her, even when the girls are doing the challenges.

receiving the suitcases from the boys, robin realizes she misses them, but it’s all about the mate vibe she has with each of the boys back in the villa.

seb has to watch her trying to have fun, and that might include the raunchy challenges that earned a party for casa amor. the guy is maybe now realizing is more than a crush, and he’s possibly upset that she doesn’t get to know him like he knows her. robin has screen time, she is solving drama back and forth, being a good friend, while he’s just watching, helplessly. what can he do except for trying to be professional and stay quiet?

the editors are having a hard time to cut those glances seb and robin exchange, since that would’ve been the hardest plot line to explain, and she signed a contract that states her attraction should be limited to the islanders, or she’s gone. and for whatever reason she has to stay, whether the money, or the clout, is enough to make her restrict the things she says to him. same for seb, he can’t exactly risk his job.

i think the moment seb is possibly more bothered is when the girls are back, and she finds out her partner switched. given they’re not romantic, she’s not disappointed or upset, but she’s frustrated for not only not finding someone, but also seeing everyone else getting the summer romance she wished for herself.

“are you ok?” he mouths, at the firepit, in the most discreet way he can. she nods, responding to her partner and saying how happy she is for him, proceeding to talk to the boys, by the bean bags.

seb is on edge, holding himself back and letting things flow naturally. but what he really wants is to offer a hug. that night, robin can’t sleep, worried about whatever is gonna happen the next day, and heads to the kitchen for water.

he can’t help himself but going there, knowing fully well he’s risking his job.

“hi.”

“oh, hi!” she’s surprised, but can’t help smiling.

he promptly fixes her a glass of water. “so... how are you feeling?”

“not great, i’ll tell you that!” she sees the look on his face, and immediately corrects herself. “not because of him! i’m not... i-” she stammers a bit but gets through it. ‘i’m not interested in him...”

“right! of course! not that i care!” seb notices her eyes going wider. “i mean, i do! i do care! i just meant...” he scratches the back of his head, possibly mortified. “i’m sorry... you make me nervous.”

“what?”

before he can respond, he’s called back to the back house, where the crew stays during the show. “sorry, i gotta go... i... hope you feel better.” he rushes to head out, not even hearing she said a very stunned “bye”.

with each bump, each bombshell that comes later, robin is definitely disheartened because the only person she felt a spark is not even part of the cast.

at some point, i think robin truly felt like the right decision should’ve been made ages ago. which she’s now determined to make it happen, calling everyone to the firepit, because she has an announcement. the boys and girls are anxious, because not once, in the history of the show, an islander has called the rest of the group to the firepit. something serious must’ve happened.

“i’m walking.” to the shock of everyone around her, and possibly to the guy who switched, she tranquilizes everyone, by saying what truly has been happening this entire time. “i found my spark... it just wasn’t with an islander.”

the boy she took on a date interjects. “i knew it! it’s the camera guy, isn’t it?”

possibly leading to a very “the office” moment, where all of them just stare at the guy, the camera captures their shocked and amused faces, all of them either smirking or nodding knowingly at him, to his very flushed face.

“i’m thinking to myself if i should just stay and wait around, but i’ve been trying it this entire time, and i just can’t... not anymore. everyone is making a bet on someone from the villa. i’m just... betting on someone out of the cast.”

between being showered in hugs from the islanders, possibly tears from everyone that loves her, because let’s face it, she’s an awesome girl, she heads to the entrance with her suitcase. and because seb has to follow her, he’s just as shocked as everyone else, maybe smiling so much his face hurts.

one thing i know for sure, in this scenario, he would probably make a joke about the date they’ll have later, with no cameras around, and not being in a vineyard with plastic cups, to which she responds “i was hoping you would say that.”

social media would be so confused, because whatever the producers decided to put out there won’t feature the real reason that led to her walking, that being the start of ridiculous speculations, only to be cleared up a few months later, when she reveals they’ve been dating since the moment she left.

and i can see the show trying to profit on that, making memes on twitter and instagram.

overall? i would love to see that take in the game. you can’t exactly control who you fall in love with, who you feel attracted to, and definitely not the timing. it just happens.

[apossessionadaybreak]

Halloween Special

Gary looked up from the TV just in time to see his son come out from his room for what was probably the fifth time that day to stare intently at him. He supposed this was some sort of new-age method of showing disapproval. He had to admit, it was a little unnerving, but someone had to be the disciplinarian.

“Ryan, I know you’re bored but you’re grounded for good reason and you know it. Just because it’s Halloween tonight doesn’t mean you can go around egging and TPing people’s houses, especially not poor old Mr. Quille. You know that he can’t get around so easily anymore.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say dad.” 

Gary heard the sounds of shuffling feet and the slamming of a door. He sighed again.

Shaking his head to himself, he was about to turn his attention back to his programme only to be distracted by a stab of light coming from the table.

He turned, annoyed, to the source, only to find himself staring at a book. He looked quizzically at it for a moment, before abruptly recalling it was a gift from Mr. Quille from when he had gone over to talk about Ryan’s atrocious behaviour. ‘No hard feelings,’ as the man himself had put it. It was a sleek, leather-bound volume that seemed to be coated in some sort of reflective black material. He had never seen a book so… shiny before. Hell, it was probably brighter than his car parked alongside the sidewalk. Curious, he picked it up and was taken aback by how heavy it was. It felt nice though, as he weighed it in his palms, smooth and luxurious. He searched the cover for the title but could only make out the embossed shape of a ghost, the kind of shapeless blob malls usually sold during this time of year as a decoration. It looked amateurish compared to the rest of the item but somehow he couldn’t help but feel drawn by it.

He caught himself staring into the circles which represented the eyes for a bit too long before he realised he was sitting ramrod straight and the hairs on his arms were standing on end. He chuckled nervously to himself as he looked around the room but he was alone, naturally. A book of ghost stories it seemed, he used to devour these as a kid. Maybe Mr. Quille had thought Ryan would enjoy reading through them, though why he would think that, Gary couldn’t say. He cracked it open to reveal brand new, bone-white pages. He paused, up till now he had assumed that it had been an old possession of Mr. Quille’s, maybe some relic from his childhood. Yet, everything seemed to be pointing to the contrary. With his curiosity mounting, he settled down for a good read. He turned and plumped up the cushions, figuring he’d flip through a story or two. He flicked the pages at random, as images, clearer and more vibrant than he had ever envisioned began to form in his mind…

Blood Ties

The package on the doorstep was soft and shapeless but Saul still couldn’t help but feel threatened by it. It didn’t make any sense, the amount of anxiety he felt towards this inanimate object. No label, no card.  Just plain, waxy, brown paper. He didn’t know why he felt so worried, it was probably a gift from a friend, or perhaps some long-lost family member?

He pondered still, for a few minutes more, wondering why he was wondering so much about it, before finally gritting his teeth and ripping open the wrapping. He stared at the contents for a moment before bursting out in laughter at his own foolishness. The package he had been so worried about simply contained some pieces of what looked to be a formal suit. A… very expensive one at that. The strange, unsettling feeling crept in again. He shook his head, he wondered what his forefathers would have thought of him, losing his mind over clothing of all things. Saul did his best to maintain his composure as he unfolded it, holding it up against his own body. Whoever sent this package definitely seemed to know him. If he didn’t know any better he’d have said it was tailor-made for him but that was a ridiculous idea, wasn’t it?

He tried the shirt on first, marvelling at the smooth, buttery feel of the fabric. He relished the effortless way his knuckles slid along the length of the sleeve, so flawless was the craftsmanship. If it didn’t feel so good to wear it, he might have been more creeped out by how well it wrapped around him, how nicely it sat on his chest and shoulders. He struck a pose in front of the mirror, smiling in spite of himself. Did he look paler than usual? Maybe he hadn’t been getting enough sun lately. He shuddered at the thought.

The rest of the suit was just as exquisite, if not more. With each new article of clothing, Saul could feel his incredulity and enjoyment growing in equal parts. Whatever suspicions he had had evaporated as he savoured the act of dressing himself. He felt, no, he knew he was irresistible in all this finery. Dressed like this, he’d be able to charm the pants off of anyone, everyone. He stopped to take a look at himself in the mirror again, taking a moment to fish his heavy pocket watch out of the vest. He smiled to himself as he checked his timing, he still had it… though what exactly he still had he couldn’t remember for the life of him. He didn’t know why such a thought had popped into his head, unbidden. He looked good no doubt but for the barest moment, he thought he had seen his face turn mean, the shadow of a split-second sneer. What was scarier was how he could feel some part of him was wishing for it to come back. He stared intently at his reflection in a mix of fear and reverence, almost daring it to act before him. It was only when he felt his gaze begin to blur until he could barely see anything anymore that he blinked himself back to reality.

At last, came the tie. He picked it up and let it flow across his open palm, admiring the red and gold fabric. It felt so small in his beefy hands. He hadn’t realised before today how built up he was but now he relished it, rolling his haunches as he appreciated his own width. Apparently sometimes a perfectly tailored suit helped you to appreciate yourself better, who could have guessed? He certainly knew he’d never be able to wear anything else after today, the material fit him as snugly as a second skin, made him feel powerful, in control. He wrapped it around his neck, letting it hang loosely over his frame. Bringing his hands up, he knotted it in one swift, practiced motion. So mesmerised was he with his own appearance, he barely even registered that his hands seemed to be moving of their own accord, tightening the knot until it felt like it was biting into his soft exposed neck. His eyelids drooped down, and then, darkness.

Saul laid on the floor for a few moments, blinking. He sat up and gave himself a once over, then did so a second time but he knew he’d be alright, he was himself now. He stood and looked at the mirror, smirking as he did so. No reflection, but he’d expected as much. He rolled his shoulders, and once again, ran his hands along the fabric, feeling his clothes, feeling himself. He ran his newly claimed tongue over his teeth, noting that they still retained the familial sharpness. 

It had been a long time since he had last fed. People generally didn’t respond well to his kind. He couldn’t blame them for driving him out of town and threatening to burn his estate. But that didn’t matter now. He had done what was necessary to survive. Anyone who might have known him was long dead by now and people in general had long forgotten that creatures like him even existed. The paperwork would arrive soon enough, for the great-grandson who shared his name. In time, he would return to his rightful home and resume his old life there. Until then, Saul Senior had a terrible thirst to quench… 

~~~~

Gary looked up from the book, a little stunned. He thought Mr. Quille had said that it was for Ryan as much as him, that ‘your son could learn a lot from it’. This certainly wasn’t a book he could describe as being educational to anyone, not with the contents thus far. He couldn’t deny he had enjoyed himself though. As creepy as the tale was, it had fired his imagination, filled his mind with vivid scenes in a way that he hadn’t experienced before. He looked at the words on the page, secretly replaying the pictures in his head, again, and again, and again. He turned the page and kept reading…

Halloween Spirit

“I told you already Cole, I’ll take you trick or treating later-”

“But Dad, it’s 5pm already! The streetlights are coming on and all the pumpkins have been lit…”

“Cole Alphonsus Daniels, for the last time, we’ll go out, when I say we go out. Is that clear?”

“...yes sir.”

“Good. Now find some way to entertain yourself while I finish work. After that we’ll hit the streets.” 

Cole scowled as his father ruffled his hair. He ducked to avoid any further displays of affection and found his way to the front yard to sit on the porch. Holding his head in his hands, he stared glumly as people had begun to fill the streets. He longed to join but here he was, confined to waiting for his dad. 

His gaze wandered, looking for something, anything, interesting to look at and found himself staring dead ahead at the pumpkin sitting on the fence. There was something weird about it, other than the way it seemed to be evenly matching his gaze. Then it hit him, the pumpkin was unlit. Cole frowned, he thought he had made sure to get all of them earlier. He got up to light it, grabbing the candle from the lantern nearest to him. 

“Guess you’re missing out too huh, little guy?” He said as he waited for the wick to catch flame. He smiled as the pumpkin flickered to life.

“Well that’s you taken care of. Now if only my dad could hurry up and get out here.” The pumpkin flickered again. If Cole didn’t know better, he would have said it was winking at him. 

---

Gil Daniels tapped away at his keyboard, muttering to himself. He moved to open another document, glancing at the clock as he did so. Another hour before he planned to leave the house, plenty of time. He rubbed at his temples to try to alleviate some of his headache. Damn, he was getting old, if not in body, then in spirit. He picked up his mug and took a sip of coffee, leaning back in his chair as he did so. He licked his lips. The coffee sure tasted good today. Did Lauren do something special to it? He took another sip. Kind of like a pumpkin spice latte. Usually he hated those but this one tasted fresher somehow, more authentic. He closed his eyes and drank deeply, downing it in one go. He felt a warm glow permeate through his body, washing through every fibre of his being. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and smiled.

---

“Ready to go sport?” 

Cole jumped, nearly dropping the candle he was still holding. His father was standing in the doorway, beaming away, arms akimbo.

“Ye-yeah! Let me put this candle back.” He turned to the pumpkin he had just been talking to. “Did you do this?” The pumpkin stared merrily back at him but the flame held steady. “Well, if you did, thanks.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking to but I’m over here kiddo!” His father laughed as he spoke, a loud, hearty, chuckle. He took the candle from Cole as he approached and set it back in the original pumpkin. He turned to Cole, with mischief in his eyes.

“Race you to the next house.” Cole watched with wonder as his dad set off on a brisk jog. He giggled and dashed ahead of him, heading straight for the neighbour’s door, and rang the doorbell thrice for good measure.

“Beat you dad!” Cole laughed as his father saluted his victory. 

“What’s all this then?” Cole turned to the source of the harsh new voice and his smile wilted. He had forgotten about the cranky old man who lived here. He opened his mouth to say something but words failed him. He felt a reassuring hand clapped onto his shoulder and turned to see his dad.

“Pardon my son’s enthusiasm, we’re trick or treating for Halloween. Surely you understand?” He said, reaching his hand out. Cole watched as the old man initially jerked backwards, ready to slam the door shut but the instant his dad grabbed onto him, he stopped. The old man closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them with a wide smile. 

“Of course, of course, wait here, I’ll be only a moment.” The old man winked at Cole and walked back into the house, ostensibly to fetch some candy. Cole smiled warily back at him. Once he was out of earshot, Cole turned to his father.

“That was… kind of weird.”

His father shrugged good-naturedly.

“Seems the holiday spirit is particularly infectious today.” He said with a grin.

~~~~

Gary felt his head snap up as he finished the last word. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been reading for but it suddenly felt like it must have been hours. He looked at the TV to check the clock but was greeted by a black screen. When had he switched it off? He turned to his watch, still early in the afternoon, as evidenced by the sunlight streaming in through the windows. He wasn’t sure why he was so concerned about the time, it wasn’t as if he was going to go anywhere, he needed to take care of Ryan at home. Mr. Quille had told him as much. ‘A boy needs his father.’ He found himself nodding along in agreement, before realising how silly he must have looked to anyone watching. Thankfully Ryan was still in his room. Besides, he was really getting into a reading groove now, he looked back down as he turned the page, eager for the next story…

Bared Souls

Bernard was running. He wished that he knew where he was moving to but he knew that didn’t matter as much as staying on the move. He’d gone too deep into the forest this time and now there was a bear chasing after him. He knew his chances weren’t good but what choice did he have? He threw cautionary glances behind him every now and then, hoping the beast would get bored and wander off but he couldn’t be sure, so he kept running.

As his lungs began to scream for oxygen and his legs threatened to give out, he slowed down and thrust his hand against a thick tree trunk for support. He tried to steady his breathing, not quite willing to look around just yet. Either he had lost the bear, or he’d be overtaken in seconds due to exhaustion. He closed his eyes, hoping against hope it was the former. After a few minutes of not being mauled to death, he allowed himself a cautious look around. No bear, thank goodness. But… no signs of civilisation either. He frowned.

“Out of the frying pan and into the fire eh old boy?” He whispered to himself, trying to calm his nerves. He sat down and pulled his compass and map out, trying to get a sense of where he could go from here. Unfortunately he couldn’t see any landmarks near his position. He tried to stand up but sat back down almost immediately, his head spinning. He knew he’d probably find his way out with enough time but it suddenly occurred to him that he was very, very, very tired. He leaned against the tree trunk, figuring he’d rest his eyes for just a few minutes. Just a few minutes, that’s all… 

---

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was how much darker it was. Cursing his own foolishness, he stood up, alert, and angry with himself. Grumbling, he pulled out his compass and map again, squinting as best as he could in the fading light. Then he heard a growl. No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. The growl came again, louder this time. He swung around, cursing under his breath, trying to locate the source of the noise. With the third and loudest growl yet, he bolted off in the opposite direction, fleeing for his life. 

He ran until he once again could not run anymore. He looked around even as he panted for breath. More trees, still no sign of where he could be. With the sunlight rapidly fading, it was looking like he’d have to spend the night in the woods. How could he have been so ill-prepared? He’d be lucky not to freeze to death. That was, if the bears didn’t find him first. He walked with one hand outstretched, as the woods grew darker still. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was trying to find, if anything. He just kept putting one foot in front of the other. 

Then the growling started again. Bernard grit his teeth, trying not to scream out in frustration and despair. This time he didn’t even have the slightest idea where it had come from. It was as if it had sounded all around, or maybe even from inside him. Insanity had come for him it seemed. He tilted his head, straining his ears, begging them to help him pick out which direction the bear was. He could scarcely trust his own senses as the growling began to fade away. Bernard breathed easily for a few moments. He turned his head to the front, only to find himself face to face with the bear.

He yelped out in fright, before he even realised he should not have been able to see anything in the darkness, let alone the bear. The bear did not blend in against the dark woods. Instead it glowed, brightly at that. Tendrils of light radiated off of its body and dissipated lazily into the air. The bear licked its nose, apparently entirely unbothered by Bernard or his palpable fear. It stepped closer and Bernard realised it made no noise as it moved. Even though he knew it made no sense, he could see through the bear. He could see the leaves it stepped on remain as scattered and unflattened as they were before. 

The bear tilted its head and yawned at him, before pawing the ground and walking past him. Bernard didn’t realise he was holding his breath until the bear turned to look at him. Incredulous, he watched as the bear gestured with its head, twice. Follow me, it seemed to be saying. He stepped forward cautiously, shivering as he did so. Whether it was from the cold or fear, he couldn’t say. He stepped forward again, closer and closer, until he was directly alongside the bear.

And then the bear stepped into him.

Bernard stood stock still, certain he was going mad and seeing things. Yet, he could feel the bear as it continued to align itself against his flesh. Against all logic, he felt obliged to get on all fours so the bear could do so more comfortably. As the bear filled him, he felt a sense of extraordinary calm. His face twitched as he felt his senses heighten. New smells, new sounds, a completely different way of experiencing the world. He crawled forward, expecting to feel foolish, only to realise how natural his movements felt.

He broke into a running gait, as if he had known how to do so his entire life. His heart beat a steady thrum in his chest as he navigated the woods. It was all so simple, so obvious. How had he not realised it before? He headed easily through the winding roads, following the smells and clues towards where he knew humans would be. He ran for what must have been hours but not once did he grow tired. He felt alive, more than he had ever known throughout his years of existence. No need for fear, no sense of urgency, just purity of movement towards the goal that was emblazoned in his mind. 

He came to the edge of the woods as the solid darkness began to give way to a pale blue. Not that he had needed the light to make his way through the night. He arched his back and felt himself stand up straight. At the same time he felt as if something was slipping out of him. His senses dulled rapidly back to normalcy but now it was jarring and unfamiliar. He turned back to see the same radiant bear again. He looked towards the road, the one that would take him back to civilisation. After the night he had had, it would be nice to return back home to a warm shower and bed. Even as he thought of his modern comforts, he couldn’t help feeling that something was missing, that he’d remain forever incomplete if he walked out of these woods as he was now.

He turned to look at the bear again. This time, it was he who gestured with his head. Twice. The bear looked as impassive as ever and he worried for a moment that it would turn back into the woods. Then it stepped forward, until it was alongside him. This time, it was Bernard who stepped willingly into the waiting spirit, for now he knew what it was. Their bodies aligned once more, the two took a few tentative steps, before throwing their head back and roaring as one.

~~~~

Gary sat with the book open in his lap. He stared blankly at the ceiling as his lips parted ever so slightly. The book rose into the air but Gary made no sign that he was aware of it, or anything at all for that matter. The pages began to flip rapidly but even as they flapped in his face, they remained neat, uncreased, orderly. As they approached the ends of the book, the pages picked up speed until it snapped shut. Whatever enchantment it was under seemed to come to an end as the book began to fall to the ground, only to be caught by a thick, deft hand. Gary blinked, and smiled as he looked over the book once again. Gone was any design that might have been tattooed on it. The front and back were now identical smooth dark faces. He smiled to see his own name now written in bold gold lettering down the length of the spine. He popped the book open, to the page he knew the dedications would be written on. 

“To my neighbour, Gary, whose door is always open to me.”

Chuckling, he closed the book just as Ryan came out of the room.

“Hey Ryan.”

“Wha-uh, yeah dad?”

“Want to go trick or treating?”

“Uhhhhh, I thought I was grounded.”

“You still are mister but I can make an exception as long as you’re with me.”

Ryan looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes but the chance to get out of the house was too golden to pass up.

“...Ok, let me get changed.” Ryan said, before bounding back into his room, clearly eager to leave.

Gary smiled. He got up and stretched out his arms, flexing his fingers as he looked at them admiringly. He called out to Ryan.

“Let’s visit Mr. Quille next door first. I-uh, I mean he will be more than happy to see us, I should think.”

[cecilspeaks]

175 - The October Monologues

[static] [slightly distorted] The trees are dying again. You know it, I know it. The trees know it. They have known it for decades, centuries in some cases. The shiver of cyclic, symbolic death. A rattle in the cold night air. A rustle in the footsteps of a hungry deer. It is October and something is different. It is October and the trees draw the crackling red and orange curtain in the year’s final act. It is October, and so listeners, dear listeners, Night Vale community radio is proud to introduce The October Monologues.  

Faceless Old Woman: I am lonely. Oh, I see people. I see lots of people every day. I see you right now. I see you, Caleb, sitting in your rolling desk chair, hunched over your computer. I am a faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, watching you download yet another video game, Caleb.

But seeing people and being with people are different things. Different ideas altogether. I miss touch most of all. A father’s hand, a friend’s arms. A lover’s chest. I still touch, am touched, but it is not the same. It is not a mutual touch. My touch is unwelcome, unfriendly, unwanted. Yet I touch because I love.

And I love you, Caleb. I do. I know you don’t believe me after what I did to you tonight, but I do. My love is not romantic nor maternal. It’s not platonic, either. I love you the way a deer loves a cornfield. It is safe, it is nourishing. It is in its DNA to want to be there, to hide, to eat, to play. You’re very much like a cornstalk, Caleb. You are loved and you are benign. Better than benign, you are a contribution to this world. The cornstalk is unaware that a deer loves it so much that it will bend it and stomp it until its edible morsels spill out from its crumpled empty husk. The cornstalks, there are so many cornstalks, do not understand that they are so loved by the deer as to be devoured.

You’ve seen a kitten before, Caleb, I know you have. Sometimes kittens are so cute. So so so so cute that you wanna put them in your mouth. Do you understand that kind of love, Caleb, that kind of touch? You do not, no one does. And this is why I’m lonely. But I think you know that. You’re different. You’re lonely too. That’s not what makes you different, we’re all lonely in our own way.

You’re different, Caleb, because you know I am here. You see me even when I do not want to be seen. No one has been able to do that in at least 200 years. Sometimes you speak to me. Not in terror, not in rage; I’ve heard many of these voices in my life from those who feared and detested my presence. No, you ask me my name. I won’t tell you, not yet. You tell me about your day, I’m sorry your new boss is so mean, I will rectify this. And last night, you prepared a dinner for me. You’re not a good cook, I can smell that much, but it was your gesture of generosity that touched me. You made cashio e pepe, a recipe you learned from TikTok, and you prepared a bowl just for me. You waited to see if I would appear, and when I did not, you told me you understood wanting to eat alone, so you left it for me on the dining room table, as you went to play the new flight simulator.

Few men have ever been this kind to me before being frightened into it first, or without using their kindness as a disguise. I think you genuinely understand your own quiet desperation among the mass of men. And in turn, you understand others too. I don’t trust the kindness of men, Caleb. I don’t trust the kindness of women, either. Or anyone else’s kindness, to be truthful, but I especially don’t trust men’s kindness. There are exceptions. Andre, whose kindness was loyalty and honesty, and Albert, although his was a much different kind of kindness.

But Caleb, 23-year-old, unshaven, video game loving, boss hating aimless Caleb, your kindness frightens me. I’m scared of what you want, what it is you plan to take from me. Kind men have stolen my childhood, my morals, my money, my love, my life, and my family. What will you take from me, Caleb, that I have not already lost? I’m afraid. I’m afraid to respond to your gentle bait of friendship, because I am afraid you will take my loneliness from me. I am lonely, and that is a choice I have made for myself.

One day, Caleb, you will die. I know exactly when. It will not be of my hand, although I will do nothing to stop it. It is my fate, my path, to know such things. And in your death, you will return my loneliness to me, and it will be a horror to behold, bloody and misshapen. My loneliness, not recognizing its former owner, will howl an unholy and unceasing cry, and I will not be able to bear it.

This is what I fear, Caleb, and this is why I took the bowl of cashio e pepe you left for me and hurled it against the wall, just missing your cheek. I’m not sad that you screamed at me, I’m happy that you did so. This is how it has to be. We are not enemies, Caleb, no no. I love you deeply. Deeper than you can know. I am your deer Caleb, and you are my corn.

Cecil: The fiery flash of fall leaves stuns us, captivates us. Fireworks in slow motion. Or the crackling embers of a finishing flame. Upon the leaves are written instructions for how to make oxygen, how to give life, with every exhalation. How  to find flair in fading grace, and how to raise new life by falling to your death. The leaves know they will return again, so much will return again. We return now to the October Monologues.

Michelle Nguyen: There’s this new song I like, but I don’t wanna tell you what it is. I find it kind of embarrassing. Usually I love to talk about my favorite music. There was that summer I was obsessed with the new single by Saint Vincent. The single came in the form of a glazed vase containing three blue flowers. Only one was ever made, and I got the only copy. I found it very catchy, but the flowers eventually died. Or the year I spent listening over and over to that new Janelle Monae album. I forget the name, but the cover was a black and white picture of a well, and if you didn’t share it with someone else in 7 days, you would die. Of course no one ever died, because the album was so good, people just couldn’t stop telling their friends to listen.

My favorite song of all time is a blank cassette tape still in its plastic wrapper. It was owned by a man named Gary Joy. He was a real estate lawyer, reasonably successful, but he always dreamed of being a singer/songwriter. He dreamed all the time of quitting his job and writing songs, but he had never even written one song. Then one day, in a fit of optimism and energy, he bought this cassette, intending to make his first memo. But the day got away from him, and then the week, and then the rest of his life, and he never quit being a lawyer, and he never even wrote one song. This blank cassette tape, still in its wrapper, contains the potential of all the songs he could have written but never did, which is better and more powerful than any song anyone’s actually managed to write. The potential of the thing is always more perfect than the reality of the thing. However, and this is the crucial drawback, the potential is absolutely useless and the reality, however imperfect, can be quite useful. Anyway, I like to hold Gary Joy’s unwritten demo and imagine what it would be like. Hold on, sorry. There’s a customer.

[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records. What? No, no. No. No! No. OK, bye! [bell dings] Sorry about that. Some people are so unreasonable. I don’t even know what a Taylor Swift is.

But there’s a new song I like, and it’s not cool like my other favorite songs. It’s not a song that fits the kind of image I like to project. When I put on my mirrored leggings, my extra long jorts, and my really big hat, people expect something from me. They expect me to be on the cutting edge. They expect me only to be into bands that aren’t popular yet, or will never be popular, or that frankly don’t know how to play their instruments very well. And the song I like now is not any of those things. It’s… ordinary. It’s… popular. I don’t wanna say what it is. Remember when I only listened to the sound of beez buzzing? That was a good summer. Of course I got stung once or twice or 30 times. [sighs] Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.

[bell dings] Welcome to Dark Owl Records! Hey. Hey! Hey! Hey! HEEEEY! Thanks, nice to see you again. [bell dings] Sorry about that.

I’m tired of being cool. I was going to say trying to be cool, but trying implies the possibility of failure, and there has never been a moment when I’ve failed to be cool. But here’s the hard truth I’ve come up against: being cool is a young person’s game. And that’s not because young people are better or more interesting than older people. God no. God no. God no! It’s that coolness itself is a concept tied to youth. Coolness is a reactionary manifestation of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the cooler you need to be. It’s colorful plumage. But as I’ve gotten older, I no londer need flashy plumage. I just wanna sit in the comfort of who I am, and not worry about what that looks like from the outside.

Anyway, I can’t stop listening to “Karma Police” by Radiohead. It’s just… a good song, you know? Hold on, sorry, there’s a customer.

[bell dings] You! You’ll never catch me alive! [sound of running] [bell dings]

Cecil: An abundance of words, words falling, fluttering to the earth. Words crunching beneath our feet. They were beautiful once, the words. Now they are beginning to rot, to wilt, to compost, to ferment new growth. To fertilize new words growing upon great trunks of paragraphs and chapters, but not now. Those will come later. Now the words sputter and drop in spiraling arcs to the ground. Here, then, are the final few brightly painted words falling upon you now. The October Monologues.

Steve Carlsberg: What does it mean to be believed? I’ve always known that Night Vale isn’t like other places. As long as I can remember, I could see that. I could also see that no one else could see it. I was alone in my knowledge. Knowledge may be power, but power is often lonely. My grandfather knew. He could see that I was like him. “Steve,” he would say, “us Carlsbergs have always been the town pariahs, but just because they hate you, doesn’t mean they’re right.” I would sit at night as a kid and listen to Cecil on the radio. He was the same age as he is now, and at the time he seemed so wise. But I would hear him dismiss what I knew shouldn’t be dismissed. I would hear him cover up what should be uncovered, and I would know with a child’s certainty that it was wrong. I loved him still. Everyone in town loves Cecil. It is possible to love someone who you know is doing wrong. It’s terribly easy, in fact.

What does it mean to be believed? As a teenager, I started trying to express what I saw about the world. I gave a presentation in my social studies class called “Night Vale – there’s literally nowhere like it”, and I thought it was informative. The class all plugged their ears in unison. The teacher stopped me a minute in, glancing nervously at the 8 surveillance cameras monitoring the classroom. “Are you trying to get us all killed?” the teacher hissed at me. I remember that her breath smelled like Strawberry Jolly Ranchers, and there was a lose crumb of mascara in the sweat of her temples. “No,” I said. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not the kind of question that demands a sincere answer. The report earned me a trip to the principal’s office, and then the re-education pit, which honestly is not as bad as its name. I mean, almost not as bad. It’s pretty bad. It’s a pit, for re-education. So, certainly learned something from that re-education. I learned that you’re equally likely to be punished for being right as you are for being wrong.

What does it mean to be believed? I was a young man entering the workforce, and I had long ago learned to hide away what I knew about my city. I had learned the handshake and the smile, the nod and the necktie, all the signifiers that hid what I truly signified. All of life is a code, and I had been thought the key against my will.

I got a job as a bank teller at the Last Bank of Night Vale. I studied with great interest the townsfolk who came and went there. I learned about their lives and their secrets, and what kind of money they made for the whispered deals out back of quiet parking lots just before the sun went down, pulled up next to a black Sedan that contained their handler who they only knew by a false first name. but I couldn’t forget what I knew, even if I learned to playact that I had. What I know shapes who I am. I can’t close my eyes, not to this town I love. This weird and secret town I love.

What does it mean to be believed? Then I married into the family of Cecil Palmer, host of Night Vale community radio! And he hated me, because he could see that I knew. And after all these years, my mask had slipped a little. I’d lost my interest in hiding. I wanted to speak the truth as I knew it, nothing could be more threatening to Cecil. His life and livelihood depended on speaking the truth as the City Council wanted it. Or as the Vague yet Menacing government agencies crafted it. And here I was, pointing out to him the sky. There are glowing arrows in the sky, there are dotted lines and arrows and circles. The sky is a chart that explains the entire world! I tried to tell him, and this only made him hate me more. I tried to share who I was with him, and this only made him recoil. 

Abby listened to my stories, but she never shared my enthusiasm for the truth. “Let it lie,” she would say, “let it lie.” But that’s he point, I can’t let it lie and I can’t lie! We’ve done that for too long! We’ve let our town sit heavy under the weight of euphemism and half truth, and unless someone just said what they saw for once, we would be crushed eventually by that weight!

And then it all changed. I wasn’t alone. The others saw that we lived in a weird place. And you know what? We kept existing. Our world didn’t end merely because we dared acknowledge it. Cecil and I are friends now. I haven’t forgotten how he treated me, but I understand it and I forgive it. Forgiveness and understanding are not the same as forgotten.

What does it mean to be believed? It means everything. It means all.

Cecil: And as the leaves are done, so are the October Monologues. All that can be said has been said. And all that can be said will be said again.

Today’s proverb: Listen, it might seem like everything’s bad right now.

[lovelybarnes]

vivian!- mark sloan

pairings: mark sloan x reader, alex karev x reader

warnings: hospital shooting, guns, blood, shooting, death

about: there's a shooter at seattle grace

you're basically lexie grey in this lol

“mark- can you just sign the order-” you asked, annoyance clear in your voice as you stared at mark. you were about to ask him again- one last goddamn time- when a loud bang pierced your ears, and mark was suddenly on top of you and pushing you to the floor.

your hands were over your ears and your eyes were wide, mind racing and trying to figure out what just happened, and why you were on the floor, and what the hell was that sound and why are people screaming-

a flash of something came to you, and you remembered vivian, one of your favorite nurses- she was always sweet, and she knew what you were thinking before you even thought it in the OR, and she made the best cake- raising her voice at someone, and your eyes widened when you remembered you saw her drop when you heard the awful noise.

then you heard panicked screaming, but one made you freeze.

“he shot the nurse!”

vivian.

you army crawled your way from under mark’s body to where she had stood before; a hand reached up to cover your mouth when you saw her, blood gushing from her chest as her eyes stared blankly at nothing behind you.

you pulled your hand away to feel her pulse, shaking your head numbly when you couldn’t find it. people were screaming all around you, and your voice was nonexistent as you whispered.

“no, no, no, no, vivian, no-”

you moved your fingers, frantically attempting to find a pulse, but mark’s voice interrupted yours, his arms pulling you up roughly.

“come on, i’m getting you out of here.”

he pulled you in as you continued to stare at vivan, “she’s dead-” you heard yourself say, but you weren’t sure, screams from all over deafening you.

you let mark put his arms around you and guide you, blinking quickly to try to get the image of vivian out of your mind, trying to concentrate on what was going on around you, but it seemed impossible to do so.

mark stopped in front of the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly, and you looked around, mouth parting at all the chaos going on; people screaming, running, crying.

“come on! come on!” mark begged loudly, slamming a hand onto the elevator, and you looked back to see the elevator doors opening.

your breath caught in your throat as you saw the inside; your boyfriend lying on the floor, unconscious, blood surrounding him.

a brief image of vivian flashed through your mind before you screamed, running out of mark’s arms and onto the floor next to alex. you ran your hands over his abdomen, trying to find the source and putting pressure on it once you found it.

you realized mark wasn’t inside and the elevator doors were closing. you stretched out a leg, stopping the doors and looking up at mark, realizing he was frozen, staring at the man on the floor.

“mark! get in!” you screamed, huffing as you applied more pressure to alex’s wound, blood staining your hands.

“now!” you screeched when you realized mark had ignored you, and that seemed to snap him out of it, hurrying inside and pressing buttons on the control board that closed the doors, blocking out the chaos outside.

“no exit wound…” you whispered, lip between your teeth. “i gotta flip ya, babe, sorry about this, alex.”

you took a deep breath before using all your might to lift him, groaning quietly when you realized there wasn’t an exit wound.

“shit,” you huffed, looking up at mark, who wasn’t paying attention. “mark!” you called, and he bent down in front of you, “okay, hold pressure, we’re going to carry him to the nearest room and fix him, you got that, y/n?”

you gulped, trying to take deep breaths while you nodded, continuing to push down on the wound.

the elevator dinged, and you looked up at mark, who nodded at you, placing his arms under alex and beginning to lift him up.

you held pressure for as long as you could, stopping the doors from shutting as mark passed with alex, and shutting your eyes as you heard alex yell in pain.

mark shushed him as he went inside a room, lying him on a table

“get gauze, morphine, anything!” mark yelled, and you didn’t respond, simply running out of the room and grabbing everything you though could help. you knew you weren’t this incompetent normally, you knew what you needed to treat a gunshot, but your mind was busy, flooding with images of vivian and alex and people crying.

you ran inside the room again, shutting the door. “i grabbed everything i could think of,” you said, putting everything down and looking down at alex, who was now awake and in pain.

“i am so… incredibly… pissed off right now…” alex hissed, and you looked over at him for a second before going back to organize what you found.

“alex, you’ve been shot,” you heard mark say, “is there an exit wound?”

you shook your head, quickly realizing he couldn’t see you and you turned to him. “no, there isn’t. the bullet’s still in there somewhere.”

mark groaned. “damn it, we’re gonna have to go in blind. start an IV.”

you did as you were told quickly, turning your head to alex for a second to give him a shaky smile. “you’re gonna be okay, alex. alright?”

you looked away as he started to speak.

“i’m- i’m- i’m gonna kick that guy’s ass when i see him,” he grunted, inhaling sharply after he was finished.

you laughed lightly, “i know ya will, alex.”

behind you, mark huffed. “centra-”

“done.” you said, cutting him off as you finished the central line.

“can you finish setting up?” you asked mark, and he looked at you strangely, “why?” he questioned.

“i’m gonna help him, can you just set up?”

“y/n, i’ll do it, you-”

“i’m an a doctor too, mark! and i am just as capable as you are at handling this-”

“it’s not that. he’s your boyfriend. you think i’m going to be able to calm him down? he’s not going to listen to me.”

you contemplated that for a second, agreeing with him silently as you pulled gloves on and handed him things.

“fine.”

-

“you’re doing great alex, really great.” mark said, “now i need to put in a chest tube. you with me?”

alex shut his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “no. no chest tube. i’m okay.”

mark didn’t argue with him, complying with his wishes.

“y/n, you get the betadine ready, and i’ll do the rest, okay?” you nodded, letting go of alex’s hand and reaching for what you needed.

you lathered the betadine on quickly, encasing alex’s hand with yours again, biting your lip as he groaned.

mark started to cut, and you looked at your boyfriend again, your eyes widening when he started to scream.

“no, no, no, alex-”

“shut him up! shut him up.” mark said, and you turned to alex, “shh, alex, you have to be quiet.”

alex didn't stop, and mark looked at you in a panic.

“y/n, if the shooter hears his screaming, he will head this way, so shut him up!”

your mind raced, thoughts from medical school jumbled in your mind.

“kissing releases endorphins..” you muttered before slamming your lips down on alex’s, his screaming quieting for a second as he kissed back.

gunshots made you shut your eyes closed, images of vivian rushing through your eyes with the tears.

alex’s groans vibrated through your mouth, but he kissed back, and then mark was done.

“i’m done, y/n, he’s losing a lot of blood.”

“B.P.’s 60 palp.”

“he’s losing a lot of blood, y/n, he needs a-”

you cut him off as you realized, “a transfusion?”

mark nodded, shaking his head. “i don't know what we’re gonna do.”

you looked down at alex, making up your mind and pulling off your gloves.

“i’ll go,” you said, “i’ll go get it.”

mark looked at you, shaking his head, “that's insane. i’ll go.”

you shook your head, “you're important, mark, you make skin for babies, and you fix faces, and you're going to fix up alex better than i can, okay? i’m going.”

mark started to open his mouth when you cut him off, looking at alex.

“hey, hey, don't die, alex, don't you dare die. it’s n/n, by the way, and you better still be alive when i get back, okay? i will be right back.”

you smiled at him softly, reaching a hand up to touch his cheek, “i will be right back.”

you squeezed his hand a last time before you let go, walking out of the room and shutting the door as quietly as you could.

you walked quietly towards the blood room, opening the door and slipping inside quickly when you got there.

you vaguely remembered alex’s blood type as you grabbed blood, shoving it as gently as you could into a random cart.

you pushed the cart out after you piled the blood up high, heading out noiselessly.

you looked around you as you walked, rounding a corner and counting the seconds you were gone.

you froze as you saw someone in front of you, but you relaxed as you realized who it was, gary clark, the sweet old man whose wife had died a few weeks before. as your eyes traced down to the gun in his hands, you panicked again, but didn’t let it through as you sighed.

“oh, mr. clark,” you breathed, hands beginning to shake.

“i didn't plan to shoot all those people,” he confessed suddenly, and you gulped, trying to ease your nerves.

“of- of course you didn't. you were… sad,” you began, “you were- you were grieving.”

“i only planned to shoot doctor shepherd,” he said, and your grip on the cart tightened, “and doctor webber,” he continued, “and you,” he finished.

you froze, your heart hammering so fast and beating so loud, you were afraid he might hear it.

his arm raised slowly, gun pointed right at you, and your breathing began to quicken.

“you unplugged the machine,” gary said, “your hands killed my alison.”

flashes of his wife flashed through your mind as he aimed at your head, and you shut your eyes, hands raising.

you fell to the floor with a gasp when you heard a shot, and you opened your eyes slowly, crouching up with a shaky breath to see gary clark lying on the floor, bullet in his shoulder.

you looked to your side, noticing a man in all black with a gun, his hands motioning for you to move.

you didn't waste a second in doing so, standing up and rolling the cart as fast as you could, all the while trying desperately to control your breathing and get rid of the dizziness threatening to tip you over.

you all but ran into the conference room when you saw it, opening the door and shoving the cart inside, closing the door with wide, scared eyes.

you turned quickly, surprised at the wooziness that made the image of mark blurred, but you shook your head, concentrating.

“uh- is he dead?” you asked, going over to alex’s side and holding his hand.

mark responded quickly, “he’s unconscious, vitals are tanking, there's nothing more i can do for him.”

you breathing sped up again as you remembered the gun pointed at your head, and you turned to alex. “don't die. alex, please don't die. this was my fault,” you realized, tears beginning to well up in your eyes. “i unplugged his wife, that's why he killed them- vivian- this is my fault, that's why he wanted to shoot me- i’m so sorry.”

you shut your eyes tightly, the realization that if he had just shot you, he would’ve probably moved on, vivian would’ve been alive.

mark looked up at you in surprise, “what? what do you mean ‘wanted to shoot me?’”

“i should’ve let him, viv- vivan, you would-” you gulped, tears running down your face. “don’t die.”

“y/n,” mark called, and you looked up at him. “you’re bleeding, what happened?” mark walked over to you slowly.

you looked down, your eyebrows scrunching in confusion, and your lips parted at the red seeping through your scrubs. you pulled your top up with a shaky hand and realized gary had shot you, “oh,” you muttered.

“better than the head, i guess,” you whispered, blinking rapidly before falling back, darkness enveloping you.

-

mark was shaking your shoulders, you realized, opening your eyes, but closing them again quickly, groaning at the unbelievable pain tearing through your body.

“holy shit!-” you wheezed, “i guess he did shoot me, a- adrenaline is amazing, huh?” you attempted a smile at the man in front of you.

mark’s hands ran over your abdomen, and you bit back a scream when he reached the wound. “m-mark!”

“sorry, sorry, sorry, i’m sorry n/n, i’m sorry,” mark winced, and you shook your head, eyes closed.  “s’okay, it's okay,” you told him, prying your eyes open to look at mark- the beautiful man in front of you.

your eyes snapped to your side when another voice broke through, “izzie?” alex wheezed.

you sighed in relief at the fact that alex was able to speak and tried to sit up, but mark pushed you back down

“y/n!”

“i’m fine, i’m fine…” you told him, trying to brush him off, but mark didn't let you. “no, you're not. lay. down.”

you obeyed begrudgingly, and a wave of nausea and dizziness passed through you. you gasped, more pain shooting through you the moment you did.

“okay, mark, i’m gonna pass out now, jus’- jus’ lettin’ you know…” you slurred, only catching part of what mark was saying before you passed out again.

“hey! hey! stay awake, y/n! you have to stay awake-”

“m’sorry, mark… tell ‘randa and addie thank you for me…”

“y/n!”

-

“please wake up, please wake up, please wake up-”

you opened your eyes to miranda at your side, and you smiled, your voice raspy. “i’m up, ‘randa.”

her head snapped up at your voice, and you noticed her red eyes start to drip, new, happy tears replacing the old ones.

“oh- oh, y/n, don't do that again- don't- i can't lose you, archer can't lose you, addie can't lose you, so don't-”

you reached for her hand, wincing at the pain from the gunshot. she cut herself off as she grabbed your hand, squeezing it gently

“i won't. i love ya auntie miranda. is she here, by the way? addie, i mean.”

“i love you, too, y/n. she's on her way.”

you nodded, eyes drifting up to see mark at the door, staring at you. you smiled at him, and he swallowed, looking at miranda for a sort of approval.

miranda looked at you for a second, and you smiled, “can you check on alex for me?”

miranda nodded, glaring at mark for a second before she left.

you giggled softly as mark walked into your room, and he looked at you curiously, “what?”

“you slept with my aunt- who's basically my mother, and i still like you. s’funny.”

you grunted, “not a good idea to laugh after you got shot.”

mark frowned at that, sitting where your aunt had sat before, “i heard what you said before. it wasn't your fault.”

you just shrugged. “‘kay.”

a moment of silence passed through the both of you, and your drug- induced state didn't like that.

“i like alex,” you said suddenly, and mark gulped, nodding. “but…”

you thought for a second, stopping. “but i don't think it'll last. he doesn't like me. not in the right way, not in the you way.”

mark froze, but let you continue. “i want to be liked in the you way. in the way alex loved- loves izzie. in the way you love me and i love you.”

you thought back the the last time you and mark talked and it wasn't bad. no one was shooting your boyfriend or you, where gary clark was just the husband of a patient.

“i want a husband.”

[femalechibiblogger]

5 Underrated Cartoons That Were Cancelled Too Soon

1. Clone High

Clone High is set in a high school in the fictional town of Exclamation, USA, that is secretly being run as an elaborate military experiment orchestrated by a government office called the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures. The school is entirely populated by the clones of famous historical figures that have been created and raised with the intent of having their various strengths and abilities harnessed by the United States military. The principal of the high school, Cinnamon J. Scudworth, has his own plans for the clones, and secretly tries to undermine the wishes of the Board (Scudworth wants to use the clones to create a clone-themed amusement park, dubbed "Cloney Island", a decidedly less evil intention than that of the Board). He is assisted by his robot butler/vice principal/dehumidifier, Mr. Butlertron (a parody of Mr. Belvedere), who is programmed to call everyone "Wesley" and speak in two distinct intonations.

The main protagonists of Clone High are the clones of Abraham Lincoln (referred to as "Abe"), Joan of Arc, and Mahatma Gandhi. Much of the plot of the show revolves around the attempts of Abe to woo the vain and promiscuous clone of Cleopatra, while being oblivious to the fact that his friend Joan of Arc is attracted to him. Meanwhile, John F. Kennedy's clone (referred to as "JFK"), a macho, narcissistic womanizer, is also attempting to win over Cleopatra and has a long-standing rivalry with Abe. Gandhi acts in many of the episodes as the comic relief. Also on a few occasions, the characters that we see learn most of "Life's Lessons" the hard way.

Why it was cancelled: An article in Maxim Magazine depicting Mahatma Gandhi being beaten up by a muscular man sparked outrage in India. Clone High was caught in a crossfire when citizens in the country conducted internet searches on the Maxim article but also found out about the show's Gandhi character on MTV's website. This sparked an outrage in India over the show's depiction of Gandhi. On January 30, 2003, the 55th anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi's assassination, approximately 150 protesters (including members of parliament) gathered in New Delhi and vowed to fast in response to Clone High. Tom Freston, the head of Viacom (owner of MTV), was visiting the network's India branch and was "trapped in the building", according to Miller. In 2014, he recalled that protestors "basically threatened that they'd revoke MTV's broadcasting license in India if they didn't take the show off the air". MTV offered a quick apology, stating that "Clone High was created and intended for an American audience", and "we recognize and respect that various cultures may view this programming differently, and we regret any offense taken by the content in the show". Miller would later recall that executives at MTV enjoyed the show, and asked for the duo to pitch a second season without Gandhi. Lord and Miller's two potential versions of a second season included one that made no mention of Gandhi's absence, and another that revealed that the character was, in fact, a clone of actor Gary Coleman all along, and the show continued as normal. "We pitched that, and it went up to the top at Viacom again and it got a big no," he remembered.

2. The Awesomes

The show follows a group of superheroes who step in and replace the members of a legendary but disbanding superhero team. Under new leadership, The Awesomes attempt to put themselves back together in the face of intense media and government skepticism.

Why it was cancelled: On December 17, 2015, Hulu canceled The Awesomes after three seasons and did not renew it for a fourth season due to low ratings. The Awesomes was the first time Michael Tavera composed music for an adult animated series.

3. Invader Zim

Zim dreams of greatness. Unfortunately, though, he's hopelessly inept as a space invader. Desperate to be rid of the annoying Zim, his planet's leaders send him on a mission to infiltrate Earth, providing him with leftover, cobbled-together equipment. To their consternation, Zim succeeds in setting up a base on Earth and infiltrating human culture, posing as a human child as he plots the planet's downfall. Only Zim's archnemesis, Dib, recognizes that Zim is an alien, and of course, nobody believes Dib's claims.

Why it was cancelled: On the subject of why Invader Zim was cancelled, creator of the show Jhonen Vasquez said, "I could go on and on with variations of the most fantastic reasons for why the show was cancelled, but in the end, even I couldn't give you the whole and accurate truth for why the show got pulled," he wrote in a lengthy post on his website in 2010, nearly eight years after the show wrapped. "The most likely culprits are simply ratings and the sheer expense of the show, which was monstrously expensive at the time, especially when compared to more modern, flash-based savings fests."Nearly nine years later in 2019, Vasquez was interviewed by Syfy and said:

I never point to any one particular thing [as the reason for why Invader Zim was cancelled. The show could've come out at any point in history and I don't think it would ever really be appropriate... I think there's always horrible things happening in the world and genuine comedy comes from horrible things. At the time, it just happened to be things like Columbine and 9/11 and then people freak out because they don't want to offend anyone's sensibilities. It's a justified response to a certain extent; there's people who have been affected and they don't want to be reminded of this awful stuff… I just think that it did not jive well with Nickelodeon's image.

In an interview with Syfy in 2018, Richard Horvitz, the voice of Zim, was questioned about why the show got cancelled; he responded:

There's been a lot of rumors that have abounded for years about why Invader Zim was canceled. People think it's the Bloody GIR episode, because there's a quick subliminal shot of GIR all bloodied, but that’s not it at all. Nickelodeon knew about that shot and they didn't seem to mind. But what [the cancellation really was] is this plain simple fact: We had horrible ratings. There were two things that were going on in 2001. Our ratings were not doing well, our demographic at the time was not The Fairly OddParents demographic, which is what we premiered with, and we premiered to really, really good critical acclaim. But ratings-wise, the only real barometer [was the] target audience, 6 to 10 year olds, and I think that it was a little too much for that [demographic], and the parents also might have thought it was a little graphic for them. Our ratings never really got off the ground. One other thing that people often forget, is that the show premiered in March of 2001. By September of 2001, we had the horrible downing of the twin towers. Given the mood of the country at the time, I don't think people wanted to see shows that were about any kind of destruction or anything that had to do with someone trying to conquer the Earth.

4. The Oblongs

A clever comic parable of society's ills, "The Oblongs" depicts the warped world of a bizarre yet loving family of have-nots who live in a toxic valley and can't seem to beat the caste system of the beautiful people living high on the hill. The animated series is based on characters created by author Angus Oblong ("Creepy Susie and 13 Other Tragic Tales for Troubled Children").

Why it was cancelled: Could not find a specific answer. The WB network just decided to cancel it even though it had good ratings. 

5. Wander Over Yonder

The series follows Wander, a nomadic and overly-optimistic intergalactic traveller and his best friend and steed, Sylvia the Zbornak, as they travel from planet to planet helping people to have fun and live free, despite the continuing encroachment of Lord Hater, one of the most powerful villains in the galaxy, and his army of Watchdogs.

The show's first season is episodic; there are very few strong ties between episodes, and they can be viewed independently of each other. In the second season, however, a more sequential story is introduced; as Lord Dominator begins to conquer the galaxy, the show's tone becomes more serious and the focus moves from stopping the rather incompetent Lord Hater to stopping the extremely competent Lord Dominator. As a result, the episodes are more closely linked and there are several developments in the overarching plot.

Why it was cancelled: The creators of the show were not given a specific reason, even though they had plans for a third season.

[under-them-skies-of-blue]

A little silly but a TP x reader fic where they go to a carnival and the reader is scared to get on a ride and Tom comforts reader and reader ends up getting on the ride and loving the heck out of it. Dunno why I thought Of this but I always loved carnivals and I thought a carnival date for TP and the reader would be cuteeee

Anon! First of all, this wasn’t silly at all! This was seriously so much fun to write. Thank you so much for this request - I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get it done for you, but I hope you enjoy it!

The Zipper

You just finish putting your shoes on when you hear a knock on your window. Tom.

He never comes to your front door. You’re 22 with your own place, but the two of you started dating back when you were both 16. Your father never approved of your musician boyfriend, so when he took you out, he’d always come knock on your window so you could sneak out. When you moved out and got your own place, he never started using the front door. Silly? Maybe, but kind of romantic too.

You pull back your curtains and open the window to be greeted by the goofiest grin and the sweetest pair of blue eyes you ever did see.

“Hey, baby,” he smiles. “Ready for date night?”

Dating a musician in Gainesville isn’t easy, especially when the fairs and festivals are in full swing, and with Mudcrutch having really taken off over the past few months, Tom’s been nearly booked solid with gigs and opportunities to further his musical career. You couldn’t be more proud of him, though, and he always found the time for a date night at least once a week. Tonight’s date: the carnival.

“Absolutely. Let’s go ride some rides and tear up some funnel cakes,” you grin.

“You read my mind.”

He takes your hand and helps you out the window, ever the gentleman, and the two of you walk to his car. On the short drive to the fair, the two of you muse about music, both Mudcrutch’s and that of the other bands you both love.

That’s actually how you met Tom, over a band. You were both looking through records when you both spotted the same Beatles record at the same time. You ended up winning the fight for it, but it was the start of a friendship that would quickly blossom into the beautiful relationship you currently find yourself in. He comes over and listens to the record with you all the time anyway, so he really didn’t lose out on it, did he?

The two of you pull into the gravel lot and walk to the ticket booth, hand-in-hand. You try to buy the tickets and wristbands, but he refuses to let you pay, in proper Tom fashion. No worries. You’ll make a point to buy the funnel cakes later, before he can stop you from paying.

You can’t help but feel excited. You’ve loved the carnival ever since you were a kid. Riding small rides, eating funnel cakes and cotton candy, winning teddy bears, it was all so much fun, but the one thing that you didn’t love about the carnival was the bigger rides, especially the Zipper.

(Image cred: Gary Rudd)

The way the cages just fly and swing about, and how high they are off the ground terrifies you. It has since you were just a kid, and you were hoping your thrill-seeking boyfriend wouldn’t notice it, because you knew if he did that he would want to ride. You had seen the ride when the two of you pulled into the parking lot, and as you’re walking through the carnival, tickets bought and wristbands on, you know you’re getting closer to it. It had just come into your sight when you try to pull him toward a carnival game, but he stops dead in his tracks before you can get him there.

It’s too late. He’s spotted it, and now there’s no way he’s not getting on it. Of course, you could always hang back and not ride, but there’s no single riders allowed, so he might be paired up with another girl. No, not riding wasn’t an option. As much as you might like to deny it, you have what could be classified as a mild case of jealousy, and him riding this ride with another girl just wasn’t about to happen.

“BABE!” he squeals in delight. “That’s it, that is the perfect ride.”

He squeezes your hand a littler tighter and pulls you along with him. “Come on, let’s go!”

You follow him as you watch the ride in action, the cages swinging and spinning all across the night sky. Your stomach flips into your throat and you try to gulp it back down.

As you enter the line, he can’t stop bouncing with excitement, and you haven’t spoken a word since he’d spotted the ride, nearly paralyzed with nerves. When he finally looks over at you and sees that a fair amount of the color has drained out of your face, he is immediately concerned.

“Baby?” he says softly, taking both your hands into his and running his thumb across the tops of your fingers. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” you can’t hide the shakiness in your voice. “I’m okay.”

He brings his face closer to yours. “I don’t believe you. Is it the ride, are you nervous? Cuz we don’t have to ride it if you don’t want to.”

You look up at the ride, once again seeing those cages swing and spin, and you feel your stomach doing somersaults without even being on the ride.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just so...horrifying,” you look away from the ride. “But you’re so excited about it. I want to ride it with you, I just...I’m just a little nervous is all.”

He brings his face even closer, pressing his forehead to yours. “Well, don’t worry. This thing is perfectly safe, and I’ll hold your hand the whole time, I promise.”

“It just, it looks like a flying metal death trap is all, you know?” you giggle nervously.

He pulls his face back to take a look at the ride in action. “You know, I see what you mean.” He brings his face back to yours and cups your face in his hands. “But I’ve got you. You’re gonna be just fine, and I think you’re gonna love it.”

The rest of the time spent in line goes by in a bit of a blur, with you alternating between watching the flying metal death trap do its thing and finding comfort in the soft blue eyes of your boyfriend, who gives you a soft smile and a squeeze of your hand for encouragement. Nervous as you are, you really do want to do this, and his encouragement has made you feel a bit better. You know how much he loves this ride, and seeing him happy is one of your favorite things in the world. It’s also what you’re hoping will get you through this ride.

Finally, it’s your turn to climb into one of the metal cages. You climb in first, a bit hesitantly, and Tom climbs in right behind you. The ride operator shuts the cage door, and you’re locked in. You grab onto Tom’s hand as the ride begins to move, but it only moves a little, as there’s plenty more cages to fill before this thing really gets going.

“You doing okay, babe?” he asks sweetly.

You look out the holes in the cage to see the lights of the other nearby rides. You look at the bar that’s pressed into your lap, the only thing to prevent you from bouncing around this cage like a rubber ball. Finally, you look back at Tom.

“I think so. Just not sure what to expect,” you say sheepishly.

He gives your hand another big squeeze. “You’re gonna be just fine, baby, I promise. We’re just gonna spin and flip around for a while. It’s so much fun; I’m just sure you’re gonna love it. And if you don’t, I’ll be right here the whole time holding your hand, and you won’t ever have to ride it again.”

As he finishes his sentence, the ride takes off, for real this time. You inadvertently let out a yelp, which Tom responds to with a chuckle. “I’ve got you, baby. You’re gonna love this.”

The ride starts off slow, but you still feel uneasy. This feeling grows as the ride starts to pick up speed and your cage starts to rock. Your grip on Tom’s hand tightens, and he gives you another reassuring squeeze.

“You’re okay, baby, we’re just rocking and spinning, we’re safe.”

The ride picks up even more speed, and your cage has now started to sporadically spin and flip upside down. The bar holding you into the cage digs into your legs, but you feel a little comfort knowing that it’s holding you in well.

Soon, as you grow more accustomed to the rocking and spinning, your screams turn into laughter, and you look over at Tom to see the biggest smile plastered on his face. You don’t think it could possibly grow any bigger, but when he sees you smiling and having fun, he lights up even more.

Your enjoyment of the ride only grows as it progresses, to the point where you and Tom are actively trying to rock the cage to get it to flip upside down. The two of you are practically drowning in laughter by the time the ride comes to an end. As you wait for your turn to be let off the ride, Tom looks over at you with the happiest gleam in his eye.

“Soooooo...what did you think?” he asks cheekily. “You wanna ride again?

"Let’s do it again!” you giggle. “But maybe a funnel cake first?”

He takes your face into his hands again, this time pressing a kiss to your lips. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”

/////////////////////////

This was so much fun to write! Lovely anon who requested this, I do hope it was everything you were picturing in your head! I’m a little out of practice, but I did my best, and I even did a little bit of research to make it as accurate as possible! (I’m a bit of a nerd about carnival rides anyway, so I immediately knew which ride to write about when I saw this request, but I wanted to make sure I got the details juuuuuuust right!)

Please do not hesitate to send me more requests if you have any, and this applies to everyone! With me being in college, it can take a while for me to get them done, but know that if you send me one, I’m thinking about how I’m going to write it from the moment I see it to the moment I finally have the time to get it finished!

Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and happy holidays to you!

[cassandracaiin]

Gary’s Mental Health: An Analysis of His Character.

Spoilers ahead.

If you play Love Island The Game 2019 and make it to Day 26, you stumble upon a concerned Gary, who is sitting by himself. After a brief chat, he proceeds to tell your MC that he’s had some problems with how he felt about his body in the past. He often comes across a simple guy, who is always bantering and fooling around, and most players tend to think that he only talks about his nan and cranes, so the sudden seriousness of this conversation may have seemed odd for some of you. Despite this, the unexpected confession he makes didn’t go unnoticed by the fandom, with many starting to appreciate him more because of it.

Few realize how important and revealing this conversation is. If you connect the right dots across the whole game, it helps to explain lots of his actions, beliefs and behavior. So, in this analysis I’ll be doing that: I’ll be providing you with all the information you’ll need to understand the subject, inserting exact quotes of the game and breaking down some crucial scenes. Because of this, this post will be really long, so get comfy, grab some snacks and prepare for an extensive reading.

Before starting, I must remind you that Gary is, indeed, a fictional character. That’s why I’ll be analyzing quotes and scenes straight out of the game and trying not to speculate furthermore. I think it’s interesting to tie the traits and personality of a fictional character to real life psychology and mental health, so this will be me basically explaining his condition and relating it to his canon personality and actions. Also, in some portions of this post I’ll be applying “real world rules”, because his mental illness is a real thing that happens in the real world.

I’ll go as far as to say that, after reading this entire rant, you’ll probably never see Gary the same way again— but that’s okay, because he’s such a layered character who also used to struggle with a mental illness and, instead of mental illnesses being a taboo topic, they should be met with open arms and discussed overtly and sincerely.

Mental Illness Warning/Trigger.

As I mentioned before, Gary’s condition is a real thing, so this post contains several mentions of mental health related topics and illnesses. If you feel uncomfortable about this type of things, I advise you not to keep reading. I’ll try to keep it as light and understandable as possible, regardless. Those who want to dive deeper should check the links I’ll leave at the end of the post.

This is a heavy topic, but I strongly believe it should be addressed. Even more importantly, I want to spread awareness, because, as you will read further ahead, this is still an under-recognized and frequently left untreated condition, that is becoming more and more common all around the world.

Disclaimer: I’m not a psychiatrist, but I am a med student. I’ve had classes and training about mental health and, specifically, about Gary’s condition. I’ll be leaving some extra sources and additional content down below, for those who are interested in verifying the information that I’ll be breaking down for you. Also, I’m open to receive feedback about it from someone who could know more than me, such as a doctor or a psychiatrist, because, as I said, I’m still just a med student.

So, without further do, let’s get started.

What does Gary have?

After reading the conversation he has with MC in Day 26, Gary’s evident diagnosis is Muscle Dysmorphia. We’ll be using the acronym MD to refer to it from now on.

What is MD?

MD is a subtype of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

What is a BDD, you may ask? It’s a condition in which people see themselves differently than others see them, and it’s characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with one's appearance, that are really difficult to resist or control. These unwanted thoughts or ideas (called “obsessions”) make them feel that they need to perform certain activities (called “compulsions”). When applied to MD, the obsession becomes the level of muscularity, and the compulsion is to achieve a higher level of muscularity.

MD comes with the exaggerated belief that one's own body is too small, too skinny or scrawny, even though the individual's build is normal or exceptionally large and muscular already. Is often confused with vanity, but this is not the case, as most MD patients don't want to look great, they just want to look acceptable. Typically, people with MD have low self-esteem. It can be experienced by either males or females, but in this post I’ll be addressing the patients as males, because I will be also relating it to unhealthy masculinity.

What causes MD? It doesn’t have a specific cause, but there are factors that could help its development. Most studies sustain that suffering from bullying for smallness or weakness is the most frequent trait in MD patients. Some also attribute this disorder to the effect of the media, as society bombards people at younger ages with images of what an “ideal” body looks like, even more considering how marketing campaigns once targeting only female body image insecurities are now aimed at males as well. Because of this, MD is likely to increase in general population.

Does it have a treatment? Yes, it does. Most are treated with therapy that targets damaging behavior, as for example, cut down on the amount of time they’re checking themselves in the mirror or in the gym, which helps them think less about their appearance. Therapists also help them deal with the fears they might have, like possibly losing muscle mass or size if they exercise less.

Many do not seek treatment; the biggest hurdle is convincing the person with MD that he needs help. The psychological and social consequences often go unrecognized, especially because they usually appear to be in good health, at least in the short term. To properly address MD, society has to change in how we approach our body image in general. Traditionally, males are not supposed to be concerned with looks, let alone talk about them, because if they do, they will be viewed as “feminine”. Encouraging men to talk about their inner feelings is a good first step to bring down stigmas about their body image.

How does MD affect someone’s life?

People with MD engage in behaviors aimed at achieving a muscular physique, as I mentioned earlier. They include excessive exercise, following rigid diets, and also spending countless amounts of money in supplements. Sometimes, they may also use anabolic-androgenic steroids (I’ll be referring to them as “AAS”), which cause serious damage to the body if used excessively.

Low self-esteem is a crucial factor here. People with MD try to enhance their self-esteem by building muscular mass, but they keep feeling that is never enough. “Every muscle could be bigger. I could be leaner” they tell themselves. They look at the mirror and they feel like everything is still small and weak, that they’re ugly, that they have no chest muscles, no arm muscles, no abs— And the reality is that they are often huge and incredibly muscular. Some of them also touch, flex, poke or pinch their muscles a lot, to make sure that they haven’t lost size.

Their relationships with other people often fall apart as time passes. They frequently avoid important social or occupational activities, like going to family reunions or to work, because of the need to maintain their excessive exercise and rigid diet.

How does one draw the line between being fitness or having MD? Believe it or not, Gary explains it in the game. He says, “I was really shocked when the doctor told me that if it’s getting in the way of the rest of your life, then it’s a problem”. Certainly, when working out and obsessing about the body becomes a problem in the person’s life, along with having these bad thoughts about themselves, it’s better to seek help and ask a health professional about it.

So, why is Day 26 so relevant?

Day 26 is important for Gary’s character because it tells us a huge lot of things about him and his past. Across his dialogue there are so many details that few people seem to truly notice, so I’ll be breaking down this day for you.

Let’s start analyzing this day from the beginning, with it being the first conversation MC has with Gary. She finds him sitting alone by the pool, rubbing his upper arm. After greeting her, he flexes his bicep and then pokes at it. If MC asks him if he is worried about his gains, he surprisingly responds “Yeah, I am a bit”. In comparison to the rest of his answers, this is the one that tells us that the reason he is bummed out is because of how he feels about his body, rather than how he actually looks.

Next, he asks “Do you think I look as good as I did when we first met?”. After seeing him acting this way, we can notice that he is looking for reassurance, but even if MC answers that he looks better every day, he responds with things like “Thanks! It’s nice to have that support, even if I don’t think it’s true” and “I never believe anyone when they say I look buff”. As you probably read in this post, this is a common trait amongst individuals with MD. Even when people around them tell them that they are big, muscular, huge and so on, they never truly believe it themselves because they just can’t see themselves in that way—the person that looks back at them in the mirror is still somewhat skinny. And here’s a huge clarification: Gary knows that people think he is buff, but he doesn’t see it himself, and that’s why he doesn’t exactly believe it.

At this point, I think Gary is starting to notice that the chat could turn to a topic that he’s not ready to talk about yet, because he seems to divert the conversation by saying that the reason he doesn’t believe he’s buff is because he simply doesn’t want to get big-headed about it, and that thinking this way keeps him motivated. But even with those modest answers, he’s still letting us know that he’s always aiming at improving his physique.

And after that, he flexes his arm again. If you payed attention, you may have noticed a pattern here, which is another common characteristic of MD patients: the one where they have the compulsion to feel and touch their muscles, as a way of making sure they’re not as skinny as they think they are.

Gary finishes the chat by commenting lightheartedly “Those weights aren’t going to lift themselves” and walking off in the direction of the gym. This bit actually makes me sad, because it leads me to think that he gave in to the compulsion of going to the gym.

After the challenge, MC meets him again and he, indeed, says “I started to do some weights, but then I had to check my head a bit”, indicating that after compulsively going to the gym, he realized that he wasn’t working out for the right reasons and what was actually driving him to exercise were the intrusive thoughts of his MD. Beyond that, this is also a sign that he can actually distinguish between his normal and healthy interest in working out and the compulsions caused by MD.

Later in the conversation, he explains that it all started when he used to see this massive and muscular superheroes in comics and noticed he didn’t look like them, because he was small, even smaller than the rest of the kids at school. He tells MC, “I’d look at those superheroes, and then back at myself. I didn’t look like them”. This is a clear reference to the media influencing the development of BBD’s and specially MD in younger boys.

It’s evident that at this point in his life he began to believe that having a muscular body would be a solution to his problems, and you can confirm that in this phrase: “It can feel like everything is telling you, things will be better if you’re stronger or more muscly”. And after his nan stepped in to take on the role of his dad, the bullying towards him increased, which just made this belief even stronger. “And whenever someone would say something to me, I’d wish I was bigger and stronger than them so they wouldn’t dare” he states, following with “So when I got older, I started working out”.

Gary goes on to say that exercising didn’t help on the long run. “At first, working out made a huge difference. I started to feel more confident. I felt like I could stick up for myself, and I got a lot more positive comments. People started to notice me in a good way, you know?” he declares. He basically tells MC that he started building his self-esteem around his physique, rather than around his inner self.

“The problem is, it never felt enough”. We see here, once again, a classic trait of people suffering from MD.

After this, comes a phrase that got me thinking: “Especially once I left school and had more time and money”. When reading this, I asked myself why having more money was relevant in things going downhill for Gary. By this point, he had already been working out and probably paying for the gym membership anyway, so I figured that this “new” money could have gone elsewhere, maybe in buying supplements to grow muscle mass faster. I can’t rule out completely the possibility that he got to the point of using AAS, but giving his personality and recovery I don’t think he went that far. Or at least I hope he didn’t.

“I kept going to the gym even when I knew I’d been going too much” he continues “It was actually my nan who noticed things were getting out of hand”. For this, us Gary fans should feel grateful. This is one of the billion reasons why he loves his nan so much. The woman rescued him from sinking deeper into his disorder, she was the only one who noticed that he wasn’t in a good place and that working out was actually tearing his life apart. She could see right through the healthy and good looking muscular man she had in front of him, as nobody else was able to see that he was still just a scrawny insecure boy on the inside. This was probably one of the lowest points in his life, if not the lowest, and his nan pulled him up and stuck with him through it all.

Afterwards, Gary states again that he struggled when it came to stop exercising. “I’d hurt my wrist cos I was lifting more than I should, but I didn’t rest or stop lifting so the problem just kept getting worse” he says “Eventually it got so bad that I had to take time off work, but I was still trying to go to the gym because I couldn’t stand missing sessions”. Even if he wanted to stop, the compulsions and unwanted thoughts took over him and he kept going to the gym.

When being asked if he couldn’t see how bad the situation was, Gary answers with “Being so strong and tough was so important to me that it felt like I couldn’t ask for help”, yet again being a reference of the way society influences young men, leading them to believe that being masculine and strong means also not talking about one’s feelings, less opening to others about one’s insecurities.

When talking about his therapy, he explains that once he started speaking about how he felt, he could see everything more clearly. He says “I’d lost sight of why I wanted to be so buff before. I couldn’t see that it wasn’t good for me”. Indeed, at first he wanted to get more muscular to enhance his self-esteem, to make himself feel better and gain confidence, but at that point it had become an actual disorder, getting in the middle of his life, getting him injured and making him stop going to work, amongst other things. Focusing on his body was actually making him feel worse because it came along with the sensation that he wasn’t making progress, even after all the time and effort he’d put into being more muscular. He also comments “By that point, I was like, ‘mate, working out is my life’”, this also being a characteristic of patients with MD, as their obsession takes over their life.

To wrap this section of this post, let’s talk shortly about his recovery. Gary says that his wrist eventually healed and that he kept going to therapy. “It took a while, but now I know when I’m doing something for the right reasons” he tells MC “It’s a constant balance though. You have to keep working on it”. After starting therapy, he understood that he can keep working out and caring about his looks without it taking over his life again or making him feel worse about his image, but that he will always have to maintain a certain equilibrium, so he doesn’t get out of control again.

“It’s okay for me to work out and be active, but I have to check in with myself. If those thoughts start coming back I know to call up my GP and get talking again”. This phrases are a total relief, as they let us know that he has learned when to seek help and, more importantly, to read the signs of his own mind telling him about his MD thoughts coming back. It’s even more relieving when he finishes with “I can still have tough moments, but I’m so much better at working through them now”.

Overall, Day 26 makes us realize that he hasn’t always been as confident as he seems, less felt good about his body image. It gives his character more depth; he’s not just a lighthearted lad that talks about cranes, makes dad jokes and loves his nan anymore. And reading between lines helps us get an even fuller picture of what he went through and the state he is in now.

How do MD and his past affect Gary’s general behavior?

After all that information, let’s start this with something simpler. I’m going to name a few stressful events for Gary during his time at the Villa: the morning after the first recoupling, Lucas and Henrik’s arrival and all the girls-pick recouplings.

Where is he after all those events? You guessed it, he’s at the gym.

I have been asked if this is him working out to relieve anxiety, but I’m not sure if it’s always the case. Of course, he mentions that for him there’s nothing like burning off some tension in the gym, so most times he could be working out to clear his mind and to feel less stressed out.

Despite this, in other situations and considering his condition, it could be also him starting to feel insecure about himself. It’s likely that when he begins feeling that way, those bad thoughts about his body image and compulsions, caused by MD, start to come back, so he can’t avoid going to the gym to make sure he doesn’t lose body mass and muscle. Because of his MD, he could have the sensation that, if he loses size, bad things will happen to him—girls won’t pick him at the recouplings, people will start to make fun of him again for being small, he’ll look less attractive in comparison to the rest of the male Islanders and so on. Having all of this in consideration, in some cases I actually think it’s him still struggling with insecurity and his MD, rather than just anxiety and stress.

There is a moment in the game that got me confused at first, but after thinking about it I was able to figure out what was really going on. It happens when MC goes to spot the boys at the gym and, during the conversation, Rahim points out “See! I told you your form was off, Gary”, which makes the corners of Gary’s lips turn upside down. “All right, settle down. I don’t usually use a gym, okay” he responds and strikes a pose, flexing “This is all natural…”. I’m sure that in this moment he was lying. From what he confessed in Day 26, we know he’s been working out since his teens (remember that he’s 23, so he has at least been doing it for five or six years), so it’s obvious that his body built is not exactly natural, more so if we consider that he used to get bullied for being too small. In this situation and with a recoupling coming soon, he probably didn’t want to get embarrassed by Rahim’s comment in front of MC, so he blurted out some excuse, basically saying that his bad form is technically product of him being unexperienced. Again, we see him being insecure.

Now, I’m not saying that him being at the gym and working out is always a bad thing. In fact, he it looks like he has fun and socializes with the rest of the boys when they’re all exercising together. He seems to have a good balance of how much time he spends there and, most importantly, knows when to stop. We notice this when he tells MC things like “There’s nothing like burning off some tension in the gym. But I need to have some other ways to deal with how I’m feeling too” and “I don’t want to end up just going to the gym whenever I’m bored or stressed out about something else”. The thing is, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we find him at the gym after stressful events, even more when you have in mind that he doesn’t want to go there with the sole purpose of relieving stress.

So, we see Gary often flexing his muscles, right? I actually think this behavior of his has two sides. As you may have read earlier in this post, people with MD have this tendency to touch their muscles a lot. I think that in situations of stress like Day 26 this could be the case for him. But the other side of it, and the most important one in my opinion, is that this adds a cheeky, playful and confident aspect to his character. It lets us know that he enjoys the attention and that he likes to show off.

Now, it’s certain that him showing off means that his recovering has been really successful so far, knowing that people with MD tend to avoid showing their body to others because they are ashamed of the way they look. The fact that he’s in a swimming suit during the entire show, being recorded for national TV and knowing millions of people are watching, is a huge signal that he feels significantly better about his body and image. He has learned to love and appreciate his body in some way, hence the question he so often asks, so cheekily “Like what you see?” and he feels proud enough to show it off. The fact that he knows he’s attractive to others makes all the difference for his self-image, even if he doesn’t necessarily believe it himself. And, trust me, that with him being a MD patient it took him a lot to get where he is now in terms of confidence and feeling comfortable in his own skin.

Moving to another topic, something that always caught my attention is that Gary is constantly worrying about others. We see this in cases like when he comforts Lottie after Hannah gets dumped from the Island or when he pulls her for a chat when he notices that she’s stressed out about the Rocco situation, when he offers Chelsea a tissue after he sees her crying over the gossip-sneezer drama, all of the moments he demonstrates being protective of MC’s feelings when they’re coupled up and even during his Mr. Love Island speech. His type also includes a girl who cares about others and doesn’t get involved in drama, to match his personality. After analyzing his past, we understand why he is always trying to reach out when another Islander feels sad and why he is one of the first ones to offer a helping hand. It’s mainly because there was a time in his life when he struggled with getting help for feeling bad about himself and wished someone had reached out to him in a similar way. He knows that people could be struggling internally without anyone noticing, just like it happened to him.

I’m sure that during his stay in the Villa, Gary tries his best not to hurt anyone. An example of this is his chat with MC after he lies about kissing Marisol. He feels bad about it and promises to apologize to her, and the players don’t get frowns for calling him out as a signal that he owns his mistake. Another example is if MC chooses to couple with him in Day 9, right after the recoupling Gary tells her that he feels bad for Lottie, because he knows that she fancies him. He says, with a sad expression “I feel bad that I’m here treading on someone’s toes, but I guess that’s what it’s about, right? I just hope everyone here finds someone that wants to be with them, long term”.

If you’ve gone this far in this post, I’m sure that by now you may have a few questions about his overall personality, so to finish this segment I’ll answer the most relevant ones:

Is Gary’s confident personality a facade? I’m one hundred percent sure it is not, especially considering that he has a cheeky sense of humor and that he likes to show off. In my opinion, he acts this way because he has learned that confidence is good. That his body is good enough to show, and that his personality, stories and awful jokes are worth sharing with others. It’s incredibly healthy for him to feel this way about himself.

Is Gary fragile? My answer to this is yes and no. Why yes? It’s mainly because we still see him acting insecure across the game and because he will always have traces of low self-esteem, giving his condition. He will be always more likely to overthink about his physical appearance and more prone to feel poorly about himself when he compares himself to more muscular men. Why no, then? Because after the end of the chat with him at Day 26, he states that now he knows when to seek help, how to maintain a balance on his exercising habits and that, overall, he has accepted his illness. He doesn’t get hijacked by bad thoughts about himself anymore and he seems to know the boundary that distinguishes a benign interest in physical appearance from the bad thoughts that come along with MD, which makes him less prone to come back to that low point he reached in the past.

Relationships.

Now I’m going to make a few comments about his main relationships while in the Villa, with them being his relationship with Lottie and his relationship with MC.

We never know for sure if he eventually tells Lottie about his past, but I have the feeling that he doesn’t, especially because in Day 26 he tells MC “I don’t always tell people why she’s (his nan) so important in my life. And now you know”, suggesting that maybe she is the only one in the Villa that has this information as of now.

Either way, the thing that bothers me about the way the Lottie-Gary ship is written is that most of the time we see them arguing and not agreeing in lots of things. In some cases, this could be considered “cute” or “entertaining”, but it isn’t when you notice Gary confesses a few times that it worries him and has him on edge, saying that he can never know how Lottie is going to react to things or wondering in what mood she’s going to be in. As a clarification, I’m not debating in whether Lottie is unstable or not, because it really doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. What matters in this case is that Gary perceives her being that way.

The constant uncertainty of his partner’s behavior could harm Gary in the long run, as we know that he is still attending to therapy sessions and going through bad days from time to time, and without someone who he can know for sure will support him and reassuring him whenever he needs, things could start to get more difficult for him to handle.

Moving to his relationship with MC, if you have done a Gary playthrough, you know that he constantly tells her that he doesn’t feel like a weirdo when he is around her and, basically, that he feels that he can be himself. If we take in consideration his history and personality, this makes a huge difference for him, as we’ve seen him get to the point of lying so he doesn’t get embarrassed in front of the girls. When being in a relationship with MC, he is finally able to let go of some of his insecurities and stops worrying about how other girls perceive him.

So, moving past that, I just wanted to quickly point out something about their relationship that seems interesting to me. In one of the gem scenes, Gary tells MC “My nan would like you. You keep me in check. She’d say I need someone like that around”. I couldn’t help but notice that he uses the same verb in the past when referring to him getting his thoughts straight by differentiating between the intrusive beliefs caused by his MD and what is actually real. This could be his way of telling MC that she keeps him grounded, that he could never feel insecure when being with her and that she, somehow, helps him to keep away the bad thoughts about himself. And of course his nan would like that—she’d love seeing his grandson with someone who he feels safe with. Because of this, I think that his relationship with MC is by far the healthiest one he could have in the Villa, and even in the playthroughs when they’re not a couple, the reason being that he opens to her about his past either way.

In conclusion.

I think it’s really interesting the way Fusebox tried to insert real life troubles and conditions into their characters. For me, this made a big difference when playing the game, because the majority of the characters feel real, specially in comparison to Season 1; whether you like a character or not, we all have to agree that every single one of them has a very defined personality and behavior, and that is a compelling aspect of the gameplay.

I also like the way they made the Love Island boys break stereotypes and dismiss toxic masculinity. In Gary’s case, we see this reflected in him being always open and sincere with his feelings, having him making subtle comments like “Sometimes we all need a little cry. Nothing wrong with that”.

Because of everything I’ve written in this post, I could say that the fandom is not wrong when they classify Gary as being soft. He is, indeed, a softie—the softest boy in the Villa, in my opinion. But he is not just that. He is also incredibly emotionally intelligent, as he learned how to overcome his mental disorder, how to communicate and accept his feelings and how to reach out to others and offer them help, amongst a billion of other things. We see him also being very mature for his age, with many pointing out that he seems older than he actually is. I can’t deny that most of his maturity probably comes from being raised by his nan and because he has gone through a lot in terms of accepting himself and growing as a person in general.

On a quick side note, I’ve noticed people with clearly poor understanding on mental health that have tried to write him as a villain and end up usually turning him into an insecure, self-centered, egotistical character, labeling it as layering, when the reality is far from that. Vilifying insecurity, low self-esteem and fear of rejection/failure is not layering. Those are common flaws and issues that cause distraught in many people on a daily basis and, in my opinion, they should be approached with proper understanding, respect and reassurance.

Anyhow, it makes me so happy seeing much more Love Island fans recognizing the true good and soft nature of Gary’s personality as time passes, and even happier that a lot more started appreciating him because of his issues. His story represents, in my opinion, a story of recovery. There are few things better than seeing someone that used to struggle with how they felt about themselves, keeping their head up, accepting their flaws as their own and doing their best to keep getting better, and that’s what he represents at the end of Day 26.

I’ll be leaving down below some of the papers I used for my additional research, as well as some simple articles and videos about MD, if some of you would like to know more about it and spread awareness.

Let’s take this character’s story as an example to follow, as it indirectly encourages people to accept themselves and to share their mental illness stories once they feel ready to do so. I think that by supporting this type of characters we’re letting the writers know that we do like to read characters like this, with true layers, defects and with backgrounds that feel just real.

Finally, as some friend of mine said, let’s jump on the Gary tour bus and spread some love, positivity and appreciation for this amazing character*:･ﾟ✧

Links, articles and videos.

[Nature article], [The Guardian Article], [TED Talk], [TED Talk Q&A], [BDD 2015 Conference], [ABC Science Video], [ABC News Video], [Paper n°1], [Paper n°2], [Paper n°3], [Paper n°4], [Paper n°5], [Paper n°6].

[razieltwelve]

Rider (FGO x Final Rose)

“Are you sure she isn’t actually a Rider in disguise?” Dr Roman asked Da Vinci.

“I’ve checked. As far as I can tell, she really is a Caster, albeit a highly unconventional one.”

The subject of their discussion was a certain spiky-haired kid who had somehow made it all the way from her room to the cafeteria without taking more than a handful of steps. Diana had used a combination of cuteness, wheedling, and Machiavellian cunning to hitch rides on the backs of one person after another until she had arrived at her destination.

The Caster was currently eating enough for three people while once again explaining to everyone nearby why the Way of Gary was the path to saving humanity from further disaster. Adding to the bizarreness of the image was her beloved pet snake, Strangles. The summon was curled up around her neck like a scarf while having a nap.

Dr Romai would have though the reptile was adorable, but he’d seen what Strangles really looked like. The snake’s true form was a city-crushing behemoth capable of tanking multiple hits from anti-fortress level Noble Phantasms.

Most troubling of all was the way Mash seemed to drink in the Caster’s words. Evidently, all of Diana’s talk about the power of friendship and how love and Gary could conquer anything had struck a chord. It didn’t hurt that Diana had appointed herself Mash’s ‘Romantic Advisor’ since she was apparently dismayed by how little success the pink-haired girl was having catching Fujimaru’s attention. Dr Romani had no idea why she’d chosen to intervene, but he had overheard Diana muttering something about it being funny that the shoe was on the other foot this time.

And for someone who was supposedly a six-year-old, Diana seemed to have an endless assortment of schemes, plots, and tactics for Mash to win over her beloved Senpai. Of course, Diana’s interference had not gone unnoticed. Mash wasn’t the only one with her eye on Fujimaru. Several of his other Servant’s had similar thoughts, but their attempts to make their own moves had mysteriously come undone in a series of increasingly bizarre and unlikely accidents.

Frankly, he strongly suspected Diana was busy sabotaging the lot of them even if he couldn’t work out how she was doing it. Given how bizarre the Caster’s abilities were, he wouldn’t put it past her to have evil hamsters or something to do her bidding. After all, this was a person who could summon a horde of angry squirrels with jetpacks and flamethrowers. If he hadn’t seen it himself, he’d never have believed it possible.

"Still, she is frightening intelligent,” Da Vinci murmured. “On the few occasions I’ve been able to get her to visit, I’ve caught glimpses of just how sharp her mind really is. Beneath all of the childish posturing, she might be the second smartest person here.”

“Oh?” Dr Roman raised one eyebrow. “Other than you, I suppose?”

“Of course...” Da Vinci’s lips curved up into a smile. “But to be honest, I would truly like to see her summoned in her adult state. Such a person... well, even I might find myself faced with a true rival.”

That caught Dr Roman’s attention. “Really?”

Da Vinci nodded gracefully. “Although she doesn’t like visiting my office, I can occasionally bribe her to look over some of my research with food. It’s perhaps her only weakness. She understand my research, and that is very rare indeed. Moreover, she’s even made some useful suggestions although they’re often couched in bizarre terminology and references to cartoons and comic books that I’ve never heard of.”

“Like the Gary cartoon, right?”

“Yes. She does claim to be from another world, and unless she is capable of imagining an entire world’s worth of details, I’m inclined to believe her. Besides, we both saw her when she was summoned as a Berserker. Her ‘Stop Picking On Me’ summoned someone she called her sister. The power we witnessed... do you really think that such a person could possibly have gone unknown throughout history?”

“You have a point there.” Roman had tried to get Diana to summon her sister again, but it was not an ability she possessed in her Caster state. Moreover, she claimed that her ability could only work in a genuine battle when she was on the verge of death. “Have you given any thought to the next singularity?”

Da Vinci hummed thoughtfully. “There are so many possibilities. I suspect that Fujimaru will start by bringing Mash and Diana. They have proven to be his two most reliable companions, and their abilities complement each other well.”

“Mash holds the line, and Diana spams endless numbers of weaponised animals?”

“Basically.” Da Vinci bit back a laugh as Diana responded to a question from one of the staff members about Gary by leaping onto the table and brandishing a comic book at the unfortunate fellow. “I am looking forward to what other animals she can summon. So far we’ve seen a giant, city-destroying snake, a giant crab with an equally giant knife, flocks of laser-breathing geese, a giant lobster that can apparently continue fighting regardless of how much damage it takes, heavily armed squirrels, and a shark that can swim through lava.”

“There’s actually a betting pool,” Roman said. “I’ve got my money on some type of bear.”

“In any case, it should be interesting.”

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Noble Phantasm: Army of Awesomeness

During her lifetime, Diana encountered countless animals. Many of these became her friends, but just as many of them became her foes. As a child, Diana would frequently imagine herself in battle either with or against these creatures

Her Noble Phantasm allows her to summon these creatures both as they were and as she imagined them. This gives her access to a seemingly limitless menagerie of creatures with a vast array of different abilities. However, there are some she relies upon more frequently than others.

Her favourite to summon is Strangles, her beloved pet snake. He can range in size from a humble grass snake wrapped around her neck like a scarf to a titan so large that he can easily flatten a city simply by slithering along. When summoned at full power, he is a calamity on par with the mightiest Divine Beasts. In the battle against Goddess Rhongomyniad, he withstood multiple blasts from the legendary lance.

Another one of Diana’s favourite summon is the Friendly Flock. These geese range in size from normal geese to giant birds capable of easily carrying multiple people, and they are capable of travelling at incredible speed. They also posses laser breath, and they work extremely well in large groups, not unlike bees in a swarm.

The Squirrel Brigade is made up of squirrels that excel more in stealth and sabotage than raw power. With excellent concealment abilities and incredible cunning, they can be relied upon whenever brute force is not an option. Although Diana usually uses them to rob her enemies blind, they can also be used as assassins.

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Author’s Notes

They should be glad they got Diana. If Victoria had turned up as a kid, she might already have taken over the place. On the upside, she would also do a good job running it.

If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here. I’ve recently released two stories, Attempted Adventuring and Surviving Quarantine, as well as two audiobooks, Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems and Two Necromancers, a Dragon, and a Vampire. If you like humour, action, and adventure, be sure to check them out.

[monkey-network]

to Defend Desti’s Death

I’m not particularly one to make major response posts like these, but I feel these thoughts I’ve had have simmered for quite a while now and I just wanted to get this off my chest. To some that may know, I’m a fan of the Anime Arc cuz honestly, it was fun and hype to sit through. On the look back, it still is, even with the noticeable drawbacks. But I won’t deny that the moment we fans know is divisive is one for a reason. For some, it was bad and other say it was good but frankly I haven’t seen many properly explain why. Which is where I want to come in momentarily, give my two cents on why Desti’s passing worked on an objective level.

Initially, and I hate doing this, but I gotta respond to the most notable saying of why it doesn’t work. So link here for the argument: https://todpolle.tumblr.com/post/185301760988/meme-gene-scene-how-to-kill-a-life. And I only wish to say, no hard feelings @todpolle. I’ll get to the main argument in a moment but I wanted to discuss the setup point where it revolves around the deaths of Avocato from Final Space and Gamma from Sonic Adventure. 

Now truly, I remember these passing moments fondly but I feel that comparing them to Desti’s death is noticeably unfair if we wanna talk contextually. Like if we’re taking both series to its full context, Final Space has the disadvantage where it resurrected Avocato while SMG4 kept Desti dead; the resurrection not only undercutting the weight of the initial departure but having not as much weight as before. Much as I like Avocato, having a “No One’s Ever Really Gone” approach to Final Space kinda devalued the idea that death is permanent for Gary and his friend, if only for a moment. If Desti’s resurrected later on, I’ll eat that crow, but that is doubtful. Though, if we take season 2 out the equation, it’s fair to say both deaths have their considered impacts with who it affects especially. 

I’ll express that a little later, but I want to move over to Gamma’s death where, and I hate to say this, it’s an unfair comparison all around cuz Gamma’s story doesn’t have the same set pieces as Desti’s because contextually his death was understandably sacrificial, he willingly self-destruct after knowing his true identity. Heck, you can’t even stack Gamma’s with Avocato’s because his heroic death meant something far different than the other two. Nah, I say the death reminiscent to Desti’s the most is with Aeris’ of Final Fantasy VII. But, I think it’s fair to first point out what this counter purposefully omitted: Desti’s character.

Now it would stand to believe the most we see of Desti aside the anime arc is “If Mario was in Splatoon 2”. But to say that is all to her character is being ignorant towards her character because the anime arc furthers expressed who Desti was as a character. She was prideful, no-nonsense, loves being a step of Meggy even when it means playing unfair. She was basically Meggy put to a logical extreme. In “Splatoon 2″, “Meggy’s Bootcamp”, and “Mario Showdown”, we see that seed of how much Meggy means to her as a rival and how focused she can be when it came to their rivalry, considering her the biggest threat in the Splatfest games. These traits are expanded in “The Splatfest Incident” where she is willing to her pride aside for a moment to help the gang find Meggy when she goes missing. The search for Meggy doesn’t throw away her hot-headedness and pride however, as we see in “The Inkling Disappearances” and “Mario and the Experiment” that she is more than willing to throw down regardless of what stands in her way, even to where she’s making her and Meggy’s escape into a challenge. 

More importantly, we get to see a soft side of her where she isn’t fully aloof and tries to be there for her team, or those she come to find as close as she gets. You get to see her bond with someone she wants to fight free and true to form. I say the writers did their job in giving us reason to stand with Desti, make us like her beyond being the Negachin. She’s much the better half to Meggy, the Zero of Megaman X, the being our main inkling girl strives to be in the right way. Now, I wanna talk about Aeris.

Aeris was a very cool character in my eye when playing FFVII. She’s not Tifa but she still had a badass charm to her, especially in the part where she and Cloud go a rescue/date to infiltrate a brothel that held Tifa hostage by helping Cloud disguise as a woman. It slows the game down in a good way, giving us some time to know Aeris. Like Cloud, you get to feel just as attached to her, in both the story and gameplay where she is a boss when it comes to magic. She shows herself as the one that helps Cloud shed his initial machismo and is a very considerate friend while they’re on the journey to escape Midgar. She certainly has more of a character than what most of the images on Google would make you believe. I’d say like with Aeris, the anime arc subtly make you invested in Desti. And like Desti, it happens...

Now I can say, yeah, this shouldn’t make sense. But really, as much sense as I wanted to wrap my brain around why this shouldn’t have happen, this emotionally got me every time. I say what makes this work, what makes Desti’s death worked, comparative to the previous mentioned, is how it worked it’s way both before and after the moment. For Aeris, you can feel the weight of her loss in our main characters in the story and in the gameplay where with her gone, it’s pretty hard to fill the void of what she excelled at. Put that with what we got to see of her which makes the loss all the more shocking. Which makes Cloud avenging her with his final conquering over Sephiroth all the more cathartic. Now I’m not saying Desti’s death had as much intentional thematic development as Aeris’s, but when you take into account how it is structurally, especially the aftermath, the oomph of it all feels just as real, feels respectfully impactful for what it did.

But before I get to my main point, I wanted to address another point against this case where “SMG4 was supposed to just be a comedy like Spongebob and such, this totally goes against that tonally.” Which, I don’t know what else to say beyond “Did we watch the same show?” I can understand not liking the 2nd half of the anime arc writing wise, but it’s not like the arc turned everything into a whole different show all together. We weren’t getting some Heavy Rain type melodrama shit, the tone of the 2nd half was clear, the objectives were there. It wasn’t that heavy-handed, it wasn’t that serious, they didn’t sacrifice the comedy all together for some oscar-bait Gotham brooding bullshit. A dumbass Monkey like myself could understand the direction the bros were going with that arc, regardless of whether I liked it or not. It is pretty myopic to think a series like this can’t and shouldn’t be anything else beyond a skinner box type comedy, because god forbid experimenting with the stories in lieu committing to a considerable routine most of your career to keep a certain mindset happy and buttfucking numb. *sigh* I apologize. To carry on...

I’ve talked about this before, so if you want here’s a link about the funeral scene of the arc’s final episode (quick read), but I wanna say that with Desti’s passing, they treat it with respect. They have their couple of jokes, but they don’t treat it like a joke; Desti's death would’ve been a lot more insulting to me if they didn’t take it as seriously. It showed that yeah, that shit hurt, it was not expected, and we’re with the gang as we see Meggy and them send her off, guns out. We’re with the characters where all that happens and it felt... organic. Like I said before, Desti was “someone who appeared to be distant and feisty but still had a heart. Someone who was among people that [grew to] care about her, in life and death.” Whether we consider it was for shock or not, she made her impact, it hit hard in the end, and they made the moment matter in the respective time.

And like Final Space, this affected the likes of Meggy the most, a character that had the most connection to Desti than the others, all while the others respect her grieving and trauma that came with it. Moments like “Something’s Up With Meggy” and “Mario Does the Chores” show that that stuck with her for real, and they don’t treat like some sick running gag. SMG4 mentions it not long afterward but respectably knew not to dwell on it for the rest of the year until “The Grand Festival” where it comes back as a soft, yet optimistic reminder.

Now I won’t say you can’t have your issue with the arc, I have my issues with it. But to say Desti’s death was crap was to objectively ignore the effort they put into making it a solid plot point, a solid heel turn for both Desti and Meggy. To ignore that they gave us a good character to basically just feel mad that they pulled the rug from under you. And I would’ve been mad too if killing her off was done poorly, but it wasn’t. The bros didn’t make a whole masterpiece, but they did what they set out to do and I say they pulled it off well for what it was. For who Desti was.

[mischiefandspirits]

Who is Iron Man?

Part 2 (Here is Part 1)

After a three month imprisonment by terrorists, child genius Tony Stark was rescued by an unknown entity. Who is this Iron Man? The world wants to know.

From One Court to Another

By Callum Killough - April 28, 2012

After six months, the adoption case for child genius and millionaire Tony Stark has finally finalized with United States Air Force Colonel James Rhodes and newly appointed Stark Industries Chief Executive Officer Virginia Potts gaining joint custody. When questioned at the press conference following the hearing, all three were pleased, though Stark once more bemoaned his failed emancipation.

For those unaware, five months ago Stark put in a request to become an emancipated minor despite being only ten. He used both his incredible intelligence and his work with Stark Industries as evidence that he was capable of functioning as an adult and should be excluded from the usual minimum age requirements. However, after long deliberation, the courts had decided not to grant him the exclusion, and therefore his emancipation.

In answer to a question about housing, Rhodes stated that Stark is currently staying with Potts until construction of Stark Tower completes in July, at which point all three will be moving into the penthouse there so that Potts and Stark can be on hand to set up the new headquarters and Rhodes can be near his latest assignment.

When one reporter questioned what “compensation” the courts had granted Potts and Rhodes “for their troubles,” Stark cut over Potts to remind everyone that she and Rhodes had turned down any subsidy or similar months earlier as their combined incomes were more than enough to care for the three’s needs and any of his more expensive endeavors (both personal and Stark Industries related) were financed by his monitored trust fund and private accounts. He then proceeded to refer to the reporter as something that can not be repeated to the admonishments of both Potts and Rhodes.

The conference ended shortly after and Potts was spotted lecturing Stark as they were escorted to their car, which Stark merely shrugged off with, “If they’re going to keep calling you and Rhodey gold-diggers, then they deserve it.”

Potts responded with, “Not on camera they don’t. Does Jocasta need to help you review the approved word list again?”

While Stark’s answer was unheard, he reportedly had a look of terror on his face as the door to the car was closed.

Though not confirmed, the Jocasta mentioned is believed to be one of the interns on the newly instated Stark Industries social media team who is credited with many of the photographs and videos on their Twitter and Instagram, including a video of the press conference which can be found here.

It seems that Stark is going from one court to another though as an inside source has let it be known that Potts and Stark arrived at the airport afterward to board their flight to New York to attend tomorrow’s opening ceremonies for the Stark Exo, only for Stark to be served with a subpoena stating he is to appear at a hearing for the Senate Armed Services Committee regarding Iron Man in D.C. the morning after the ceremonies.

It hasn’t been confirmed as of yet, but it can be assumed that Iron Man will likely be receiving one as well via his military liaison United States Air Force Major Monica Rambeau.

While the full purpose of the hearing hasn’t been revealed, it is speculated that the committee intends to force Iron Man to turn his suit over to the government. An anonymous source on the committee had this to say:

“While I can’t say for certain that is what the hearing is about, I will say that such an idea would be a hard sell indeed. While most on the committee think the suit should be in the hands of the military instead of a civilian, [Pennsylvania State Senator Gary] Stern in particular, they’d face a lot of backlash for pushing the topic. And I don’t just mean from Iron Man’s civilian fans.

“Many active servicemen and women — as well as their families and some veterans — have gotten behind the inventor thanks to some of the joint missions he has been a part of.  Especially those in the know about rescue missions that never would have gotten off the ground without Iron Man’s assistance due to the danger involved for the rescue team. While I’m sure none of them would say no to a suit of their own, Rhodes, Rambeau, and [United States Air Force Brigadier General Glenn] Talbot won’t be the only ones up in arms if Iron Man retracts his help for fear that someone’s going to take his private property.

“Of course, that’s assuming the committee is even brave enough to go up against the cutthroat team Potts and Stark have proven themselves to be these past months in the first place.”

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An Excerpt From the Transcription of the Senate Armed Services Committee Hearing on Iron Man (April 30, 2012)

Senator Stern: Do you or do you not possess a specialized weapon?

Iron Man: I do not.

Stern: You do not?

Tony Stark: He doesn’t. Well, it depends on how you define the word weapon.

Stern: The Iron Man weapon.

IM: My device does not fit that description.

Stern: Well… How would you describe it?

IM: I would describe it by defining it as what it is, Senator.

Stern: As?

Stark: It’s a high-tech prosthesis. That is… That is… That’s actually the most apt description I can make of it.

Stern: It’s a weapon. It’s a weapon, Mr. Stark. I hate to inform you, it’s a weapon.

Stark: Please, if your priority was actually the well-being of the American citizen…

Stern: My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America.

Stark: Well, you can forget it.

IM: Sir, with all due respect, I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself.

Stark: Which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending or what state you’re in. You can’t have it.

Stern: Look, I’m no expert…

Stark: In prostitution? Of course not. You’re a senator. Come on.

Virginia Potts: Tony, enough.

Stern: I’m no expert in weapons. We have somebody here who is an expert on weapons. I’d now like to call Justin Hammer, our current primary weapons contractor.

Stark: Let the record reflect that I observed Mr. Hammer entering the chamber, and I am wondering if and when any actual expert will also be in attendance.

Potts: Tony.

Justin Hammer: Absolutely. I’m no expert. I defer to you, Anthony. You’re the wonder boy. Senator, if I may. I may well not be an expert, but you know who was the expert? Your grandpa. Howard Stark. Really a father to us all, and to the military-industrial age. Let’s just be clear, he was no flower child. He was a lion. We all know why we’re here. In the last six months, this… Iron Man -- this unknown person -- has created a sword with untold possibilities. And yet, he insists it’s a shield. He asks us to trust him as we cower behind it, without even letting us know his face or name. With only the reassurances of a few handpicked people, including a ten-year-old child.

Stark: I’m the smartest person in this room and we all know it.

Hammer: I wish I were comforted, Anthony, I really do. I’d love to leave my door unlocked when I leave the house, but this ain’t Canada. You know, we live in a world of grave threats, threats that Iron Man will not always be able to foresee. Thank you. God bless Iron Man. God bless America.

Stern: That is well said, Mr. Hammer. The committee would now like to invite Major Monica Rambeau to the chamber.

Stark: Spectrum? What?

[Major Rambeau enters the court]

Potts: Tony, stay here.

Stark: Hey, Ramsey. I didn’t expect to see you here.

Rambeau: Sit down, kid.

IM: Major.

Rambeau: Deckard.

Stern: I have before me a complete report on the Iron Man weapon, compiled by Major Rambeau, Colonel Rhodes, and Brigadier General Talbot. And, Major, for the record, can you please read page 57, paragraph four?

Rambeau: You’re asking me to read a portion of a highly detailed report, Senator?

Stern: Yes, ma’am.

Rambeau: I was told I’d be giving a full testimony.

Stern: I understand. A lot of things have changed today. So if you could just read…

Rambeau: Just to be clear, you do realize that one portion of a report -- out of context and without the full summary of the findings -- does n-

Stern: Just read it, Major. I do. Thank you.

Rambeau: Alright. “As he does not operate within any definable branch of government, Iron Man presents a potential threat to the security of both the nation and to her interests.” Colonel Rhodes did, however, go on to say that the benefits of Iron Man far outweigh the liabilities and that it would be in our interest to fold him into the existing chain of command, Senator.

Stern: That’s enough. That’s enough, Major. That’s enough.

IM: I appreciate the offer, but I am not sure I meet the requirements of armed service without the suit.

Stark: I’m sure he’d consider Secretary of Defence if you ask nicely.

IM: I would not.

Stark: We can amend the hours a little bit, buddy.

Stern: I’d like to go on and show, if I may, the imagery that’s connected to your report.

Rambeau: I think it may be too soon to allow these images to reach the general public, sir.

Stern: With all due respect, Major, I understand. And if you could just narrate those for us, we’d be very grateful.

Rambeau: Bring up the images.

[Images located within file srcw35475]

Rambeau: Intelligence suggests that the devices seen in these photos are, in fact, attempts at making manned copies of Iron Man’s suit. This has been corroborated by our allies and local intelligence on the ground indicating that these suits are quite possibly, at this moment, operational.

Stark: Hold on a second, Ramsey. Let me see something here.

[Uncataloged videos appeared onscreen.]

Stark: Oh boy, I’m good. I commandeered your screens. I need them. Time for a little transparency. Now, let’s see what’s really going on.

Stern: What is he doing?

Tony: If you will direct your attention to said screens, I believe that’s North Korea.

[Uncataloged video 1: A large mechanical suit takes two steps then falls over, firing upon a crowd of onlookers as they scream and flee.]

Stern: Can you turn that off? Take it off.

Stark: Iran.

[Uncataloged video 2: A large flying suit spirals out of control.]

Stark: No grave immediate threat here. Is that Justin Hammer? How did Hammer get in the game? Justin, you’re on TV. Focus up.

[Uncataloged video 3: Justin Hammer is seen communicating with someone in a human-sized suit just before the suit twists nearly one hundred and eighty degrees at the waist. Its pilot immediately screams then falls silent.]

Stark: Wow. Yeah, I’d say most countries, five, ten years away. Hammer Industries, twenty.

Hammer: I’d like to point out that that test pilot survived.

Stern: I think we’re done is the point that he’s making. I don’t think there’s any reason…

Stark: The point is, you’re welcome, I guess. No need to thank IM, really.

Stern: For what?

Stark: Because he’s your nuclear deterrent. It’s working. We’re safe. America is secure. You want his property? You can’t have it. But he did you a big favor. He’s successfully privatized world peace. What more do you want? For now! I tried to play ball with these [redacted]!

Potts: Tony, enough!

Operation Robin: Second Report

Acting Agent: [redacted]

Date: [redacted]

Contact with the target has been made, but a problem has arisen as it would appear he has already found a new personal assistant.

I arrived at the target’s off-site lab on an errand to fill out paperwork and was greeted by a man (Japanese, late twenties, unseen) over an intercom. He checked my identity then allowed me in. When I walked in, the target was playing a game on a holographic screen while speaking to a woman (Irish, early thirties, unseen) over speakerphone as a pair of robots (little more than arms on wheels) cleaned. When I informed him of what I was there for he closed his game and spun the desk chair around to face me with a curious expression. When I attempted to hand him the paperwork, he frowned and moved away from the files.

That was when one of the robots rushed over in a flurry of beeps. It took the paperwork from my hand and dropped it into the target’s lap before rolling off back to the counter it had been wiping down.

“[Redacted] does not like to be handed things,” the man’s voice from the door responded.

I reminded the target that the information we needed to discuss was confidential and as such no one should listen in, but he waved it off saying there was no one listening that couldn’t hear. When I reminded him he was still on a call and that the man who had allowed me in was obviously listening, he said the woman -- he called her [redacted] -- was his new personal assistant and minder and the man -- he called him [redacted] -- was in charge of security for the lab and was required by [redacted] to keep an eye on the target whenever he was there for safety reasons, as such both were cleared for any information that he was privy to.

Due to the target’s dislike of paperwork, we finished quickly after that. In a successful attempt to stay longer to observe the target, I goaded his infamous ego by complimenting the robots and asking how they worked. Although he didn’t go into any details about how they actually functioned, he explained that they were designed to assist him. He had clear pride for his work in his eyes as he spoke of them, though he often spoke of how they messed up, especially one in particular which he repeatedly referred to as an idiot with humor in his eyes like he was telling me an inside joke. When I asked why he did not just reprogram them as “surely someone with your intelligence could make them better,” he immediately closed up and dismissed me soon after. As I left, I heard him tell them that they were “perfect just as you are, don’t listen to the mean lady.”

Initial assessment of target: Despite his intellect, he is far too immature at this point, with the propensity to boredom and anger that that pertains. He is a narcissist, takes to any criticism with denial and treats his creations as extensions of himself to be coddled and praised.

I have attempted to find more information on [redacted] and [redacted], but their employee files are encrypted. I confirmed that the bug [redacted] placed on the target’s servers was lost during his move so I could not access the files using that backdoor. As those are the only names the target proved and I can not be sure if they are even real names given the target’s fondness for pseudonyms, I am unable to investigate further at this time. I believe it is likely that the [redacted] the subject is connected to on Twitter is likely this woman, though I cannot confirm.

I will continue to investigate as much as possible without blowing my cover and await further orders.

Disaster at the Grand Prix

By Gisèle Favager - Translated by Valentin Paquet - 24 May 2012

The start of the Grand Prix De Monaco was delayed today when an unknown Russian man attacked American engineering prodigy Tony Stark.

Stark had come to Monte Carlo for the race with his adoptive mother Virginia Potts, but snuck away from her and their bodyguard after making a quick appearance at the VIP clubhouse to talk shop with the Stark Industries pit team.

He was reportedly in a playful debate with the team’s leader when the assailant, disguised as a Grand Prix mechanic, attacked the boy. He grabbed him and threw him into the road before using a weapon described as a pair of electrified whips connected to a chest harness power source.

Stark scrambled away from his assailant, barely managing to dodge the whips as he gave a sharp whistle. According to witnesses, the whistle caused the backpack he had brought down to the pit to unfold into a mechanical hound, which quickly scanned the area before running at the assailant. It leaped onto his back and bit into his shoulder. The man tried to remove it for only a moment before he collapsed to the ground in a jerking fit.

“Stun gun fangs,” Potts explained during a short public statement after the man had been taken away by the authorities. She continued on to say that the Digitally Operated Guarding and Guiding Individualized Entity -- or D.O.G.G.I.E. as Stark insisted -- is a prototype assistance drone modeled after service dogs that Stark Industries is currently working on.

“It is not currently available for production due to the current operating system being too specifically designed, though Stark Industries is collaborating with doctors specializing in neurology, cardiology, and psychology to ensure [the Digitally Operated Guarding and Guiding Individualized Entity] will be able to calibrate properly to its user. Further information will be disclosed once a release date has been set.”

Shortly after the incident, an American senator by the name of Stern appeared on television to make a public statement. However, what was assumed to be sympathies and concern over the wellbeing of his young countryman turned out to be an excuse to besmirch Iron Man. Stern attempted to discredit the inventor’s main defense that had been given at the hearing last month stating no one else had technology like the Iron Man armor and wouldn’t for at least five to ten years, as stated by Stark himself, by using the assailant’s weapon as proof that the technology did exist elsewhere.

Stark quickly took to Twitter with a retort.

“Hey intern that runs the @SenSternOfficial twitter, did your boss really just compare a suit of armor that can shrug off shots from a tank to a pair of whips that got their butt kicked by my dog?”

Who this man is and why he attacked Stark is as of yet unknown.

Amalia Riviera - (818) 375-8465 ext 8736 - AmRiviera@StarkI.com

May 30th, 2012

Natalie Rushman Notary Stark Industries Los Angeles Headquarters

Dear Ms. Rushman,

I regret to inform you that your employment at Stark Industries has been terminated, effective immediately.

This has come to pass for the following reasons:

Breach of contract

Corporate espionage

Misrepresentation of self in application

This decision is not reversible.

In accordance with your contract, all employee benefits have been revoked as of the sending of this letter. Your final paycheck will be withheld until the full investigation is completed and it is determined no further actions are necessary. Should it be determined that the matter must be taken to court, your final paycheck may be held indefinitely pending the court’s decision.

You have one hour from the time you receive this letter to vacate the premises. Should you remain, security will escort you out and trespassing charges will be issued. Any personal items remaining on the premises at the time of your departure will be gathered and delivered to your residence on file within seven to ten business days at the company’s expense.

It is requested that you turn over any company property you possess to human resources before you leave. This includes your company-issued laptop, cellphone, and badge. You will be fined for any company property not returned within forty-eight hours of receiving this message.

Please keep in mind the non-disclosure and non-solicitation agreements you have signed. Should you have any questions regarding the agreements, your termination, or the investigation, please contact the Former Employees sector of Human Resources at (818) 375-8465 ext. 5731.

Sincerely,

Amalia Riviera Human Resources Stark Industries Los Angeles Headquarters

Addendum:

Agent Romanoff,

Please inform your director that if he wishes to communicate with me, he need only utilize the number provided to him. This is your final warning. Any other incursions into the young sir’s privacy will be met with the harshest legal actions available.

Thank you for your time,

Iron Man

Iron Man 2.0

By CamicsComics - May 29, 2012

Hey there CamComs! I was woken up far too early this morning by my friend texting me and I’m not even mad.

Why?

Because she texted me a link to a tweet Tony Stark made at three A.M. this morning.

“@1r0n_M4n is doing some spring cleaning and giving away some old clothes. Think this will fit @ColRhodey?”

The tweet came alongside a pic of a silver Iron Man gauntlet engraved with Mark II.

Col Rhodes replied with “You’ve got no one to blame but yourself if Talbot sees this before his announcement and he bans you from any more meetings.” While Potts only said, “You’re grounded.”

Does this mean what I think it does? Could we soon have another Iron Man flying around?

So many have tweeted at IM asking for more info that #MarkII is trending, but he’s been silent all day except for a picture of Stark getting chewed out by Potts with the caption, “Happy Birthday, @TStark!!! 🎂”

I can’t wait to see what happens. And hopefully BGen Talbot doesn’t hear about this so Stark can keep giving us this quality content.

Happy B-Day you crazy eleven-year-old!!!!

Subscribe, like, and share, CamComs! Until next time, be the hero you want to see in the world!

From: Cordon_Teresa385@IUPAC.com

To: SmartestNtheRoom@StarkI.com

Subject: Re: Proposal for new element name - Anthony Stark

Dear Mr. Stark,

On behalf of the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry, I would like to congratulate you on your accomplishment. However, I regret to inform you that your proposal to name your new element “Badassium” has been denied.

This decision was based on the vulgar nature of the proposed name.

We would be pleased to review a second, more appropriate, choice of name at your earliest convenience.

Best wishes,

Teresa Cordon International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry Representative

Stark Under Surveillance

By Sabrina Blake - June 10, 2012

It’s well known that superhero Iron Man and kid genius Tony Stark have been connected since the very beginning, but so far there’s only been talk about the good things that come from it. Not anymore though as yesterday just might have given us a peek at the dark underbelly of this beast.

At around five in the afternoon, Stark broke the two-week-long media silence he’s been under since the attack on the Stark Expo to tweet, “TFW you finally duck out of the lecture on trying to slip inappropriate language into new element names, only for the director of New Age HYDRA to burst in complaining about how his spy got fired from your company for being a spy #FirstWorldProblems”. The tweet had been taken down in under ten minutes, but plenty had seen it by then. Screenshots and questions have flooded the internet, to no answer from Stark, Iron Man, or their people.

Someone’s giving us information, though, as an unknown person sent various news organizations a digital folder of information labeled The Aegis Files. The folder included a picture of a dark-skinned man with an eyepatch being escorted out of a building by Stark Industries security and a furious Col Rhodes alongside a slightly redacted report on the incident. All the personal information had been removed, though it did show that whoever the man was, he was taken in by the police before being turned over to a redacted organization. It’s assumed this man is likely the HYDRA director Stark mentioned giving the timing. Also included in the folder was a Stark Industries employee file. It was similarly redacted, though the woman’s photo was still there, revealing her to be a caucasian woman with auburn hair. She’s believed to be the spy as the file states she was fired due to corporate espionage.

Who are these people? These Aegis Agents, so to speak? What do they want with Stark? Where else have they infiltrated? How accurate is the comparison to the old Nazi intelligence organization? How is Iron Man connected?

Hopefully, we’ll hear more soon.

Subscribe to Celebtial Weekly for the latest and greatest celebrity gossip!!!!

[centerofstupidity]

Noah Primeval Preface Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Summary: The author claims that his stories are rooted in "the theological and spiritual intent of the Bible."  He also loves to scripture drop. The worst is yet to come. 

In case anyone wants to read the original author’s preface in order to form their own conclusions, you can read it here. 

In the event that this gets flagged, here is another place to read the chapter snark.

Inspired By True Events.

Keep this in mind, folks. 

Because...

The story you are about to read is the result of Biblical and historical research about Noah’s flood and the ancient Near Eastern (ANE) context of the book of Genesis. 

Translation: Because I did some research, it means that the novel is deep and elevated lit-ra-choor. 

While I engage in significant creative license and speculation, 

....

..................

......................................

That’s a verbose way of saying “I created a work of fiction.” 

all of it is rooted in an affirmation of what I believe is the theological and spiritual intent of the Bible. 

Even though there are countless Bible interpretations.

You found all of the "hidden truths"and know the "correct" way to read the Bible.

But silly me. 

This is the same person who spews vitriol at movies that don't conform to his beliefs and wrote a paper called Calvinism and the Bible. 

In the document, Godawa insists that "Calvinism is simply Biblical Christianity" and how the five points of Calvinism are “truly Biblical doctrines, then most of us western American Christians have been sold a bill of goods as to what the Gospel really is."

For those who are leery of such a “novel” approach,

Like some other writers, Godawa believes that he has a Wildean wit.

let them consider that the traditional Sunday school image of Noah as a little old white-bearded farmer

I gotta call bullshit.

The traditional Sunday school image depicted Noah as being a white man.

It didn't emphasize that he was an old farmer.

building the ark alone with his sons is itself a speculative cultural bias.

It's been a while since I've been to CCD…

But I don't remember them ever discussing at great length on how the ark was built.

They don't deal in the minutia.

Instead they focused on educating people about their faith.

And the whole "speculative cultural bias" comment is rich...

Coming from a man who preaches in his fiction and does evangelizing podcasts with his friends.

The Bible actually says very little about Noah.

Instead we get lengthy details about who begat who and what tribe they came from.

We don’t know what he did for a living before the Flood or even where he lived.  

Which is why the Midrash aggadah was written.

According to MJL, Midrash aggadah interprets biblical narrative, exploring questions of ethics or theology, or creating homilies and parables based on the text.

For instance, one of the best known midrashes is the story about Abraham.

It states while Abraham was a young child in Mesopotamia, he was smashing idols.

This story suggests that God didn't randomly pick Abraham.

Instead, God knew that Abraham would be receptive to His voice.

How do we know whether he was just a simple farmer or a tribal warrior?

The answer?

We will most likely never know for certain.

And secondly, who cares? It is minutiae.

Oh wait.

The author is going to bestow us the answer.

Genesis 9:2 says Noah “began to be a man of the soil” after the Flood, not before it.

Genesis 9:2 says this:

The fear and dread of you will fall on all the beasts of the earth, and on all the birds in the sky, on every creature that moves along the ground, and on all the fish in the sea; they are given into your hands.

(This comes from the New International Version.)

And I checked two other translations: the King James Version [KJV] and the English Standard Version [ESV].

They are the same as the first.

The passage about Noah becoming a farmer comes from Genesis 9: 20

Noah began to be a man of the soil, and he planted a vineyard. [ESV]

Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. [NIV]

And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard. [KJV]

So in conclusion:

If the world before the flood was full of wickedness and violence,

Because they would all fight evil physically.

It's not like righteous men would ever combat evil by using their words or practicing non violence.

Noah would not have been that different from Abraham,

Or…

He could have been a prophet whose words inspired others.

Nobody knows for certain what Noah did prior to the flood.

who farmed, did business and led his family and servants in war against kings.

Man, Godawa is obsessed with the idea of righteous warriors.

We know very little about primeval history,

There is a newfangled thing called archaeology.

but we do learn from archeological evidence that humanity was clearly tribal during the early ages when this story takes place.

Um…

The previous line belies the rest of the sentence.

Where's the editor?

Yet, nothing is written about Noah’s tribe in the Bible.

We also don't know anything about Jesus' childhood.

Your point being?

It would be modern individualistic prejudice to assume that Noah was a loner when everyone in that Biblical context was communal.

Who ever said that he was???

Is Godawa just making up arguments so he can tear them down?

Noah surely had a tribe.  

You already said that. Move along.

There is really no agreement as to the actual time and location of the event of the Flood.

And in other news…

Bears shit in the woods and the Pope is Catholic.

So B. Godawa lists some theories about when and where the Flood took place.

He thinks it is "Early Bronze Age Mesopotamian contexts" because of some passages in Genesis.

By the by... He doesn't mention any specific passages.

At some other time, I'll take a look at the appendix.

Because right now, I'm not in the mood to read an appendix that is about one hundred pages long.  

The Bible also says Noah built the ark.

And now for the following news bulletin:  

Adam and Eve lived in a place called the Garden of Eden.

Are we to believe that Noah built it all by himself?

Yes, if you take the Bible literally.

It doesn’t say. With his sons’ help? It doesn’t say.

But that very same book does say earlier that Cain “built a city” (some scholars believe it was Cain’s son Enoch).

Which scholars said that?

Because doing a quick Google search got me absolutely bupkis.

Instead, I got a bunch of websites that talked about Cain building a city and naming it after his son.

Are we to assume that he built an entire city by himself?

No lie… I had to check and see if Cain had a son named Enoch. (And he did).

Because after the bungling of a verse from Genesis, I wasn’t sure if this was another mistake.

As for Cain building an entire city single handedly?  I’m sure Christian fundamentalists would respond with “yes”.

My response would be “no” followed by:

Who helped Cain to build a city? A lot of golems? Some demons? Or did he hire a lot of people in the nearby area?

If Cain just hired a bunch of people, wouldn't the idea of God only creating two humans [a.k.a. Adam and Eve] be false?

How did Cain get the materials to build a city?

How would Cain know which materials would be good for building a city?

And why did Cain want to build a city in the first place?

Ridiculous.

Who knew that with one word, such disdain could drip from a person’s tongue? 

Cain or Enoch presided as a leader over the building of a city by a group of people,

Wait a tick…

Godawa previously said that it was Cain that built a city but some scholars believe it was Enoch.

And now he is stating that it could be Cain OR Enoch.

Does that mean that Godawa forgot what he wrote previously?

Or the man who sees himself as the Grand Poobah of Biblical Knowledge is finally admitting that he doesn’t have all the answers?

just as Noah probably did with his ark.  

So in other words, Noah just sat on his ass and barked orders at people.

Because as we all know, that is a great leadership style.

One of the only things Genesis says about Noah’s actual character is that he was “a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God” (Gen. 6:9).

Now a normal person would interpret this to mean that Noah was a good person who conversed with God.

But Noah Primeval turns Noah into a Gary Stu. (By the way, this will be revealed in future chapter snarks).

The New Testament clarifies this meaning by noting Noah as an “heir” and “herald” of righteousness by faith (Heb. 11:7; 2Pet. 2:5).

ESV [English Standard Version] said Noah as a “herald of righteousness” while NIV and KJV described Noah as a “preacher of righteousness” (2 Peter 2:5).

While ESV, NIV, and KJV all described how Noah “became an heir of righteousness.” (Hebrews 11:7).

You might be thinking to yourself: What’s your point?

If we are to take into account what the Bible said about Noah… It describes Noah spreading God’s message (like a herald or a preacher). But it also adds that because of Noah’s faith in God, he “became an heir of righteousness.”

This differs from the depiction in Noah Primeval where Noah is the Chosen One from an ancient prophecy.

And that makes him superior to all the other filthy mortals along with slightly less perfect than Jesus.

The popular interpretation of this notion of “righteousness” is to understand Noah as a virtually sinless man too holy for his time, and always communing with God in perfect obedience.

But is this really Biblical?

If you mean, some people acting like sanctimonious hypocritical assholes, then I would loudly shout “Hell yes!”

Would Noah have never sinned? Never had an argument with God?

Personally, my answers would be “no” for both questions.

But in this novel, when Noah isn't acting like a bratty teenager, he acts like a smug douchebag.

Yet the reader is supposed to see Noah as a paragon of virtue.

Never had to repent?

In order to repent, a person must have genuine remorse for their actions. It also requires accountability.

It doesn't entail a person rending their garments melodramatically until they are completely naked and then yelling at the top of their lungs. I'm looking at you, Noah Primeval.

As a matter of fact, the term “righteous” in the Old and New Testaments was not a mere description of a person who did good deeds and avoided bad deeds.

Maybe it is because the writers of the Old and New Testament know that good people are not perfect. They make mistakes and take ownership of their actions.

Righteousness was a Hebrew legal concept that meant, “right standing before God” as in a court of law.

What makes me so fucking disgusted is that Godawa has no qualms with cherry picking things from different mythologies and whatever doesn’t suit his narrative is either discarded or depicted as being malevolent lies.

It carried the picture of two positions in a lawsuit, one “not in the right,” and the other, “in the right”

You mean a lawsuit involves two sides:  the prosecution and the defense?

or “righteous” before God.

And this series doesn’t hesitate to jump on a soap box and shout at the top of their lungs.

It was primarily a relational term.

*Sigh*

What’s next?

Are we going to define the definition of is?

Not only that, but in both Testaments, the righteous man is the man who is said to “live by faith,” not by perfect good deeds (Hab. 2:4; Rom. 1:17).

So righteousness does not mean “moral perfection” but “being in the right with God because of faith.”

In other words, ice is cold and fire is hot.

….

This is leading up to rant filled with gratuitous Bible citations.

What’s more, being a man of faith doesn’t mean a life of perfect consistency either.

You mean good people aren't perfect??? Thanks for notifying me Brian Godawa!

Look at David, the “man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22), yet he was a murderer and adulterer and more than once avoided obeying God’s will. But that doesn’t stop him from being declared as “doing all God’s will” by the apostle Paul.

At risk of sounding like a broken record, good people are not perfect.

Which is why repeating the obvious makes a person look like a blithering moron.

Or consider Abraham, the father of the Faith, who along with Sarah believed that God would provide them with a son (Heb. 11:8-11).

What does this have to do with anything? Is Godawa trying to dazzle the reader with how many Bible verses he can quote?  

Yet, that Biblically honored faith was not perfect, as they both laughed in derision at God’s promise at first (Gen. 17:17; 18:12).

I guess Godawa never heard of a thing called context.

According to the Zohar, Sarah laughed because her son would have a feminine soul.

The Zohar also states that a soul from the "feminine world" cannot have children.

Sarah knew this and laughed because this contradicted God's promise to continue Abraham's bloodline.

God had to remind Sarah that He has the power to do anything. Which means He can turn a feminine soul into a masculine one.

And because Godawa loves to scripture drop, he cites additional examples from the Bible when people either argued or complained to God.

The very name Israel means “to struggle with God.”  

I normally don't split hairs but considering the fact that the author fancies himself to be a scholar…

The word Israel means "God contends".

An alternate translation is "He Retains God"or "God Is Upright".

All the heroes in the Hebrews Hall of Faith (Heb. 11) had sinful moments, lapses of obedience and even periods of running from God’s call or struggling with their Creator.

According to the NIV translation, it commended the people for having a strong faith in God and how that faith allowed them to do what it is just. It does not give blow-blow descriptions of their spiritual struggles or a detailed accounting of all of their sins.

Now that I'm thinking about it… I have a sneaking suspicion that this is leading up to Godawa justifying his depiction of Noah.

It would not be heresy to suggest that Noah may have had his own journey with God

Well, duh.

Noah's spiritual journey would have started with baby steps.

It is not like Noah would be chummy with God the very second he was born. A relationship with God is developed during a lifetime.

that began in fear and ended in faith.

That's assuming that every person that started a relationship with God that said relationship was founded on distrust (which is fueled by fear) or the case of Noah Primeval, built on a foundation that is a passive-aggressive hate boner for the Almighty.

For some individuals, their spiritual journey never originated from animosity or distain because they always had faith.

In fact, to say otherwise is to present a life inconsistent with the reality of every human being in history.

I'll say it again.

Every person's spiritual journey with God is different.

To insist that every person's relationship with God originated from negative emotions is not based in reality.

To say one is a righteous person of faith is to say that the completed picture of his life is one of finishing the race set before him, not of having a perfect run without injuries or failures.  

It is time for a writing exercise! Let’s take this wordy sentence and make it concise.

I'll go first.

The completed picture of a righteous person’s life is not a perfect run without injuries or failures but rather they finished the race set before them.

Now that I'm thinking about it …

This verbose sentence sounds like something that belongs in a fortune cookie.

Also, I find it odd that this little nugget of wisdom uses the gender neutral phrase “righteous person of faith” but then uses his | him pronouns.

Why am I getting the feeling that this is a subtle message that only a man can be a "righteous person of faith"?

Some scholars have even noted that the phrase “blameless in his generation” is an unusual one,

“They also think it is peculiar that the Flood lasted for forty days and nights. Why not eighteen or twenty-five? Is forty God’s favorite number or did He just pick it randomly?”

reserved for unblemished sacrifices in the temple.

Wait a minute.

So these scholars are stating that the phrase "blameless in his generation" is only used for animal sacrifices.  

Which means Noah is likened to an animal sacrifice…

Which is totally different from Noah Primeval's depiction of Noah as a macho and virile warrior who is the Chosen One.

Also, it is really dodgy when someone only gives some citations or doesn't provide any.

This physical purity

…

The words "physical purity" just sent shivers down my spine.

Because when words like that casually enter into a conversation, it is not long before an argument is made in favor of eugenics.

takes on new meaning when understood in the genetic context of the verses

"Genetic context"?

I didn't know that words had DNA.

Flippant comment aside, all this talk of "physical purity" and "genetic context" prompted me to do a quick Google search of the following:  Noah blameless in his generation animal and it  brought up a thread asking if Genesis 6:9 is referring to Noah's genetic purity.

before it that speak of “Sons of God” or bene ha elohim leaving their proper abode in heaven and violating the separation of angelic and human flesh (Gen. 6:1-4; Jude 5-7).

Um…

This is sort of correct.

Genesis 6:7-4 is about the Sons of God marrying beautiful human women and having children called Nephilim. Yet it also states that humans will live to be 120.

While Jude 5-7, the writer reminds the reader that God delivered his people out of Egypt and destroyed the non-believers. They also said that the angels who "did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their proper dwelling" along with the sinful people of Sodom and Gomorrah will be punished by "eternal fire."

Within church history,

The concept of the Grigori and Nephilim originated in Jewish folklore and legends.

At some point, early Christians either stumbled across an old scroll discussing these ideas or simply heard about it. They probably found the whole story to be fascinating and proceeded to write their own interpretations.

there is a venerable tradition of interpreting this strangest of Bible passages as referring to supernatural beings from God’s heavenly host who mate with humans resulting in the giant offspring called Nephilim.

The idea that some angels came down from Heaven to mate with humans doesn't sound bizarre to me.

Frankly, the Book of Revelation reads like John was on a big acid trip.

Other equally respectable theologians argue that these Sons of God were either humans from the “righteous” bloodline of Seth or a symbolic reference to human kings or judges of some kind.

Again, Christians didn't come with these alternate explanations. For instance, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai strongly opposed the idea that the "benei elokim" were angels.

I have weighed in on the supernatural interpretation

That is a weird way of saying "I have decided to write a novel that depicts the Grigori as angels."

According to the Collins dictionary,  the words "weighed in", means:

give an opinion or enter a discussion or argument

to measure how heavy someone is, esp. before a competition

It is important to note that The Free Dictionary  and the Oxford Learner's Dictionaries has these definitions but with slightly different wording.

In conclusion?

and have provided appendices at the end of the book that give the Biblical theological foundation for this interpretation. 

Only a filthy peasant has opinions.

An enlightened individual only believes in facts and since they are benevolent, they are imparting their wisdom to others.

This novel seeks to remain true to the sparse facts presented in Genesis (with admittedly significant embellishments)

“Admittedly significant embellishments”?

That’s putting it mildly.

More like “being preachy but insisting that you are only telling people facts.”

interwoven with theological images and metaphors come to life.

I’m sorry but I can’t take this statement seriously.

Because it reminds me of a scene in the movie The Ref when Gus is talking about how “a complex web of complications need to be weaved and woven into a quilt of some kind.”

Where I engage in flights of fancy,

That’s putting it mildly.

This story never put its feet on the ground.

such as a journey into Sheol,

Pray tell, what is Sheol?

An explanation would be nice because for all we know, Sheol is the name of a cave or a forest.

I seek to use figurative imagery from the Bible, such as “a bed of maggots and worms” (Isa. 14:11) and “the appetite of Sheol” (Isa. 5:14)  and bring them to life by literalizing them into the flesh-eating living-dead animated by maggots and worms.

Let’s break this down, shall we?

Isaiah 5:14 ESV says this:

Therefore Sheol has enlarged its appetite

   and opened its mouth beyond measure,

and the nobility of Jerusalem[h] and her multitude will go down,

Isaiah 5 is about the people of Israel who will be punished for their sins. This specific passage is discussing how the sinners are going to die. 

Isaiah 14:11 ESV says this:

Your pomp is brought down to Sheol,

   the sound of your harps;

maggots are laid as a bed beneath you,

   and worms are your covers.

Isaiah 14 discusses how Babylon will be destroyed by God.  This specific passage is about how the haughty King of Babylon will perish.

It still doesn’t answer the question of what Sheol is.

If we are still looking at the Bible for an explanation, the NIV translation of Isaiah 5:14 states:  

Therefore Death expands its jaws,  opening wide its mouth;

Also, the New International version of Isaiah 14 doesn’t use the word Sheol.

Instead,  it uses the words to the grave.

Based on these translations, one can make the assumption that Sheol is the word for death or grave.

However,  Sheol is a place where the souls of the dead reside.

Let's take a look at this line more closely:

bring them to life by literalizing them into the flesh-eating living-dead animated by maggots and worms.

The Bible having figurative imagery? That is not a groundbreaking revelation. Plenty of Bible scholars have written papers and or books analyzing this.

Figurative language is not supposed to be taken literally. It is used by a writer to convey an idea (example: time is a thief) or to paint a picture in a reader's mind (example: the flowers danced in the wind.)

To take something figurative and make it literal is asinine.

Also, "flesh-eating living-dead"?

I guess the word "zombie" is too plebeian.

Another player that shows up in the story is Leviathan.

“Another player”?

I bethink he is a pretentious rampallian who thinkest by using an antediluvian word maketh him intelligent and literary sir.        

“Player” is an old fashioned word for actor.

It DOES NOT mean character.

So in conclusion:

While I have provided another appendix explaining the theological motif of Leviathan

Translation?

“Behold my dizzying intellect!”

as a metaphor in the Bible for chaos and disorder, I have embodied the sea dragon in this story for the purpose of incarnating that chaos as well.

One word:

I have also literalized the Mesopotamian cosmology of a three-tiered universe with a solid vault in the heavens, and a flat disc earth supported on the pillars of the underworld, the realm of the dead.

Thanks to Brian Godawa, the words "metaphor" and "literalized" annoy me.

I'd hate to rain on your parade but Mesopotamian mythology isn't the only one who had a three-tiered universe.

Below is an image of the Hebrew cosmology:

It also has an universe that has three levels: heaven, earth, and the underworld. The earth is a flat disc floating on water with heaven above it and the underworld below it.

If one takes a second look at the picture, you will notice that there are pillars or the foundation of the earth.

In conclusion, Mesopotamian mythology isn't the only one to depict a universe as being composed of three levels.

This appears to be the model assumed by the Biblical writers in many locations (Phil. 2:10; Job 22:14; 37:18; Psa. 104:5; 148:4; Isa. 40:22),

Jewish people have their own culture. They would not be using Mesopotamian mythology as their yardstick.

so I thought it would be fascinating to tell that story within that worldview unknown to most modern westerners.

You mean a different concept or an idea can be interesting? What a mind boggling revelation!

If I didn't know any better, I’d believe Godawa when he said telling a story from another culture’s point of view would be “fascinating.”

Yet it is painfully obvious that if something doesn't conform to his beliefs, it must be a vile falsehood created by malevolent beings.

The purpose of the Bible is not to support scientific theories or models of the universe,

Actually, the Big Bang Theory does not conflict with the story of creation.

but to tell the story of God through ancient writers. Those writers were people of their times just as we are.  

Which is why the absence of Jewish culture is jarring.

Especially since all the "good" characters are Calvinists.

I have also woven together Sumerian and other Mesopotamian mythology in with the Biblical story,

It is randomly inserted  (ex: Pazuz) or the deities are evil fallen angels who are destroying Family Values™ and Corrupting the Children™.

but with this caveat:

"Anything that doesn't conform to my worldviews must be the lies devised by Satan."

Like C.S. Lewis,

Did he compare himself to C.S. Lewis?

….

……….

…………………….

It is like trying to compare M. Night Shyamalan to Alfred Hitchcock.

Even though one is a hack while the other one is a talented creator.

I believe the primary purpose of mythology is to embody the worldview and values of a culture.

Aside from helping people to understand the world around them and giving them answers to timeless questions such as: Is there life after death? Why does evil exist?

Mythology also provides a form of entertainment and ensures that certain traditions survive.

But all myths carry slivers of the truth and reflect some distorted vision of what really happened.

This reeks of ethnocentrism!

Sumer’s Noah was Ziusudra, Babylon’s Noah was Utnapishtim, and Akkad’s was Atrahasis. The Bible’s Noah is my standard.

I'll bring this up if anyone tries to claim that Noah Primeval isn't preachy and ethnocentric.

So my goal was to incorporate real examples of ANE history and myth in subjection to that standard in such a way that we see their “true origin.”

....

You know what?

If someone wrote a Wiccan based fantasy series that demonized Christianity, he would be outraged.

Godawa reiterates his "speculation" that the deities were fallen angels with superhuman abilities that once belonged to God's divine council.

See the appendix at the back for my defense of this interpretation from the Bible.

I'm not in the mood to read a lengthy appendix that reads like you giving yourself a giant pat on the back. Perhaps that will be a future snark.

Lastly, I have permitted myself to use extra-Biblical Jewish literature from the Second Temple period as additional reference material for my story.

In other words...

He gave himself permission to steal and vandalize a different culture. Isn't that charming?

I use these ancient Jewish sources

I bet many people wished you hadn't.

not because I consider them completely factual or on par with the Bible,

"They are complete heresy. Instead, believe in the teachings of John Calvin."

but simply in an attempt to incarnate the soul of the ancient Hebrew imagination in conversation with the text of Scripture

Like the Yeti, the Hebrew imagination has yet to be found.

rather than imposing my own modern western one upon the text.

...

............

............................

I am within the tradition of the Church on this since authors of the New Testament as well as early Church Fathers

Just "Church Fathers"?

Christianity also had Church Mothers.

To name a few: Mary Magdalene, Phoebe, Junia, Lydia, Eudia, Thecla, Syntyche, and Prisca.

and other orthodox theologians in church history respected some of these ancient manuscripts as well.

While the author did the opposite.

Many of these texts from the Second Temple Period, such as Jubilees, Testaments of the Twelve Patriarchs or The Life of Adam and Eve, and others found in the Pseudepigrapha, were creative extrapolations of the Biblical text.

I guess the word of the day is "extrapolations".

Extrapolation is defined as "to predict by projecting past experience or known data" or " to infer from values within an already observed interval."

I find it rather disgusting to imply that the Midrash is a product of guesswork or estimates.

Which means whatever the author's personal beliefs are founded in facts.

These were not intended to deceive or overturn the Bible,

Notice the word "intended".

It infers that the writers weren't deliberately telling lies.

It just happens that they were spreading falsehoods.

but rather to retell Biblical stories with theological amplification and creative speculation

You see, humans are a curious species. We don't like unanswered questions.

Therefore, we come up with a possible answer or an explanation for a particular event.

The purpose of the Midrash is to provide explanations or to give a story details.

Ever wondered who was Cain's wife? According to Book of Jubilees, she was Cain's sister and her name is Awan.

while remaining true to their interpretation of the Scriptures.  

They weren't providing interpretations to Mesopotamian mythology.

In short, I am not writing Scripture.

Normally, I would believe this.

But subsequent interviews and podcasts along with the preachy messages written in the story belies this statement.

I am not even saying that I believe this is how the story might have actually happened.

Remember when I said to keep something in mind because it will be significant later on?

Well, now it is important.

This statement and the words "Inspired by True Events" are contradictory.

I am simply engaging in a time-honored tradition of the ancient Hebrew culture:

No, no, no!

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200!

I am retelling a Biblical story in a new way to underscore the theological truths within it.

Godawa only wants to associate with ancient Hebrew culture when it elevates him as a writer and  his stories.

From his remarks, it is obvious that he regards the Midrashes as being subpar bodies of work that will mislead undiscerning readers.

That being said, that won't stop him using such texts in order to receive praise for his "creativity" and be commended  in scholarly circles for using Jewish texts.

This mentality is similar to Rick Riordan's.

In case anyone doesn't know...

Rick Riordan is best known for writing the Percy Jackson series which retold Greek mythology. He then wrote a series based on Norse mythology called Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard.

Both series were a hit and he greatly profited from these stories.

After sometime, Riordan made the following statements:

“I didn’t realize some people still worship the old Viking gods. Very strange, and a little scary…In my opinion, the more you learn about the mythology, the more impossible it is to take it seriously as a religion… after you’ve met Odin and Thor in the stories, who in their right mind would ever want to worship them?”

" I love Greek myths, but why anyone would want to worship the Greek pantheon is beyond me. "

"It’s strange to think anyone would still worship the Olympians seriously."

Early in the book, the character Chiron draws a clear distinction between God, capital-G, the creator of the universe, and the Greek gods (lower-case g). Chiron says he does not wish to delve into the metaphysical issue of God, but he has no qualms about discussing the Olympians because they are a “much smaller matter.”

Unsurprisingly, this offended many polytheists.

You might be wondering: what's my point?

To put it simply? Both writers profited from incorporating different mythologies into their stories.

One writer made disparaging remarks about individuals who believe in these deities after becoming a best selling author.

While the other barely concealed their disdain for the source material they used that garnered their popularity and praise from critics.

In conclusion?

Don't build your career on writing stories using different mythologies and deride the believers of said mythos or the very thing that puts money in your bank account.

Then wonder why some people think you are a horse's ass.

The Biblical theology that this story is founded upon is provided in several appendixes at the back of the book for those who are interested in going deeper.  

First of all..

Stop peddling your friggin' appendixes.

We get it.

It has citations.

Which means it is supposed to be scholarly...

Therefore... It is deep and elevated literature.

The beauty of fiction

Um, no.

It is not all beautiful.

It can also be bland or terrible.

And in some cases, it is deeply disturbing.

is that we can make assumptions regarding uncertain theological and historical information

Yes, you can.

Up to a point.

The moment when you insist theses assumptions or personal beliefs are based in fact...

Writers like Philippa Gregory and Brian Godawa are born.

without having to prove them one way or another.

You know what also doesn't require proof?

Faith.

The story requires only that we establish continuity within the made up world,

It is called the suspension of disbelief.

and accepting those assumptions for the sake of the story does not imply theological agreement.

Normally, yes.

But this series makes it abundantly clear that if you don't agree with the political and theological beliefs...

At best, you are country pumpkin. (Yes, he does equate them to being stupider than Ana Steele.)

At worst, you are not only a moron but a depraved degenerate as well.

So, sit back and

Reach for the booze because you are going to need it. Also, make sure that the vomit bucket is in front of you.

let your imagination explore the contours of this re-imagined journey

And before long, wishing that you never did and longing to depart for the Undying Lands.

of one of the most celebrated religious heroes across all times and cultures.

And by the end, you want:

To repeatedly punch the "good" characters in the throat and stab them in the groin. Especially Noah.

The villains to shut up and fuck off. Because they are what a thirteen years old boy would think is edgy.  Especially if said boy was also a Bible thumper.