#Yoruichi: Kid not included.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I simply must know, would the teenage friend groups (dead guys included) of AEIWAM and TPOFATGIF get along? Any standout crossover friendships and/or rivalries?

Ichigo and Tristan recognize the dead-eyed stare of "It's always fucking something" in each other and have a great time standing in the alley and trading their most WTF stories at increasingly loud volume.

Bakura and Orihime are immediate "autistic little weirdo into unexpectedly creepy shit" besties. The rest of the friend groups find them in the local graveyard looking up names on unattended tombstones to see what happened (and pay respects).

Chad immediately gloms onto Joey to be his Emotional Support Human who has conversations with strangers for him. Joey is thrilled to be helpful, and likewise, Chad is his "Remembering the Homework" human.

Serenity smells the violence on Tatsuki and is immediately trying to sign her up for the local SCA. Tatsuki is trying to convince her to attend Karakura High next year so she can beef up the Karate team.

Keigo already knows Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood from the unhinged web forums they get into arguments on.

Mizurio already knows Mokuba from when Mokuba commissioned one of Mizurio's mob uncles to get one of the BEWD cards through less-than-legal means. Mokuba has immense respect for Mizurio's total disregard for conventional authority and Mizurio the same respect for Mokuba's understated willingness to do violence.

Uryuu and Duke bond over "my dad is completely insane for reasons I can't really discuss with most people" and "it's called FASHION" reasons.

The people who get along best with Seto are Rukia and Renji, because they are used to "autistic bougie severe familial trauma that is fixated on one VERY niche character" nonsense from Byakuya, and know how to auto-translate Seto into Normal People, and also subtly train him to have normal conversations.

The person who gets along with Yami is Isshin- in AEIWAM, Isshin genuinely has amnesia from 1980 onward. He doesn't remember being a captain, and hearing stories about himself is like hearing about a stranger. It's a bizarre feeling of alienation Yami understands well.

Yoruichi sees Mai Valentine and immediately knows that should they go drinking together, it will almost certainly result in major property damage, felonies, and the worst hangover she's ever had, so naturally, she asks the girl to come on a spree with her.

Yugi has always had an easier time making friends with the adults around than his peers- having friends his own age is a very recent development. Due to Grandpa Solomon hanging around the senior center with his peer group of "Old Men With Nothing Better To Do", Yugi is very acclimated to playing board games with random adults. Kisuke Urahara hasn't had anyone kick his ass at Go that hard in a long time, and the kid is strangely canny to things Kisuke *thought* he'd concealed well. Yugi thinks Urahara 's Go game is a little rusty, but whatever the hell espionage game he's playing is REALLY intriguing.

[coming-for-your-vocalfolds]

As I was drawing these I was building a whole AU in my head and umm I'm not sure If I'll do anything with it but I'll share some of it (Oc Included)

I made a Part 2 Internal Relations and a Part 3 Clubs and a Part 4 Designs

The drawings are small cus I have a notebook the size of my hand

Seniority Rankings I'll go more in depth with the AU under the cut

Schools

Obviously by the black and white uniforms they go to different schools but in this art

Big image so I doubled it

The Sternritters, Espada, and Fullbringers go to the same school and then the shinigami by themselves. My little theory goes the Fullbringers are to small to go to a school by themselves but on the other hand the "president"(???) of the "Sternritter Academy" bought out "Hueco Mundo Institute(not too sure on the name)" and now the all go to the same school. "Shinigami State(also not too sure on the name)" is a big school on the other side of town (vague). Because of this Espadas and Fullbringers will be grouped with Sternritters.

Sternritter Academy seem to me like a more prestigious school given the fact most of them wear vests and button ups, Shinigami State is more old school cus if the sailor uniforms and option of longer skirt. Obviously school rivalry cus look at the guys and for fun. On to seniority ranking.

Ranking

I broke it into 3 tiers, like highschool in Japan and also cus I don't see the point in 4. This is just a ranking pointing out oldest to youngest, most respected to slightly less respected. One the other hand that puts the the bulk of the characters in the middle tier. 🤷‍♀️

Shinigami State Sternritter Academy

Seniors not leaders there probably are not set leaders (on the Sternritter side at least) Yoruichi, Isane and Kensei. I simply believe Isane deserves seniority period.

Bambiette, Nel, Harribel, Starrk and Bazz. They speak for themselves. (Not sure why but I wanna bump Bazz down one)

Juniors

Nemu, Rangiku, Soi Fon, Gin, Toshiro, Ikkaku and Yumichika. Rukia and Renji got bumped down cus they belong with the Karakura Quartet, And Toshiro there cus he deserves seniority (he probably skipped a grade).

Meninas, Candice, Liltotto, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Askin and Porro (I can't spell all that). In my mind Ulquiorra and Grimmjow can't be separated they learn to be human together.

Rukia, Orihime, Momo, Renji, Ichigo and Uryu. Also speaks for themselves.

Riruka, Giselle, praying mantis fuck and As Nodt. This was difficult because all these characters have some sort of maturity so I made sacrifices. I don't know much about Riruka except that time she called Ichigo a hottie cus real. Giselle I like her she's scary but it was either her or Liltotto and I felt bumping Lil felt too obvious. I didn't really want to put As Nodt here but the more I thought about it the more he fit that awkward creepy emo freshman all love, I love him. Ah and praying mantis guy is the opposite of Isane and Toshiro, he doesn't deserve seniority.

Last part the add ons

It's really hard to see cus I was writing kinda small but these are characters I believe would also be in the delinquent vibe I'll go by school starting by seniority.

Shinigami

Urahara (Joined with Yoruichi), Ukitake (Cus the kids seemed like they were having fun), Shunsui (cus it looked like fun), Shinji, Kenpachi, Unohana

Kira (cus of Rangiku), Shuhei, Kiyone (for her sister), Lisa (For the aesthetic), Nanao (Shunsui)

Chad, Tastuki, Yachiru

Sternritter -doesn't have anymore seniors

Jackie (cus I like her), Cyan, Mila Rose

Gremmy (cus I like him) Apacci

Ok, I have to work tomorrow

[bothzangetsus]

My very minor pet peeve across many bleach fics is this widely-agreed-upon notion that supposedly everyone loves Ichigo -- in shipfic, this is usually given for either extra angst purposes that the LI is not going to measure up, or for possessiveness/jealousy tropes. But like... who's everyone? Genuinely, who are you guys all referring to? Not counting Rukia (because 2nd protagonist) and his sisters (because family), who I think are arguably the strongest canonical proper bonds. Everyone else just seems to vaguely tolerate him.

For a wide definition I'm going to measure 'like' as 'seeks him out for something they can get from him (this is a wide definition to include basic things like 'friendship' and 'companionship' and 'fighting' as a valid thing to get) rather than something they can get from him'. Using that, the only shinigami who do so are Kenpachi (and even he still gets the battle he wants from another, better for him, source) and Byakuya. Renji is grateful to him but mostly for getting him back close with Rukia, not because of Ichigo himself. Ichigo, for his part, calls a lot of the others by first name and they just seem annoyed. Urahara seems to be there emotionally but it's definitely not above his own self-serving interests. Yoruichi treats him like the kid she has to babysit. Orihime is in love with a version that only exists in her head. Chad is utterly incomprehensible in his choices. Uryuu is complicated, and I'll count him, but he's also arguably the one character the narrative always treats as chivalrous & anything else would ruin that. His human friends do, but he's mostly in avoidance mode with them.

The only other characters I can think of who are gunning for Ichigo personally in some way are Nel, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, and Riruka.

So, in a cast this huge, we're left with 3 shinigami, 3 arrancar (2 of which actively hostile but in a personal way), and a fullbringer who felt bad and changed sides in general. All side characters. Not a single person from the core group! If this is what being liked means, I'd hate to see what the people who are DISliked are treated like, LOL.

[midnightactual]

The logo for Yoruichi's ersatz rotating lineup band in Night City in her Cyberpunk 2077 Verse when she's being a Rockergirl in her downtime. It is absolutely a direct reference to the martial art from Gunnm (Battle Angel Alita) which, having begun publication in 1990, could very well actually exist in the Cyberpunk universe since that's the year its timeline really starts to diverge. This is both just a nerdy reference to something Yoruichi probably read as a kid, and kind of ironically self-referential in that within this verse, she is the closest thing to Alita and kind of has to come up with or at least come to practice a martial arts style to defeat other cyborgs. This does describe Yoruichi's vibe when not using big guns pretty well:

Panzer Kunst is the first fighting style developed to anticipate cyborg and zero-gravity combat. It emphasizes combat against both unarmed and armed opponents, including those wielding ranged weapons. Its foundation is fighting in zero gravity, a prerequisite for all space age martial arts, which allows the practitioner to fight in any atmosphere. Panzer Kunst seems to emphasize speed, agility and fluidity (the ability to go from one attack or motion to another seamlessly), as well as the use of attacks that use the momentum generated from coordinated movements that employ the user's whole body (such as kicks that launches the user's whole body toward an opponent's vulnerable point), and powerful vibration-based strikes (such as the Hertza Haeon) to bypass an opponent's cyborg armor and directly cause damage to limbs, joints, or internal organs. The art is also quite effective against larger foes. Panzer Kunst also provides a definitive tactical advantage, since it gives its user the ability to analyze an opponent's fighting style and to retaliate accordingly.

Also it sounds pretty metal, which is the main criteria for success in a world where Samurai was a huge band.

[irlkisukeurahara]

do you have any bleach ships you won't go near?

This is edited because I mixed up a few terms.

I'm not typically for things that are considered "comships" but that's a sort of general thing rather than a BLEACH thing. A lot of what might be considered "illegal" is up to interpretation just due to the fact that the BLEACH aging system is non-existent. But typically, if they met when one was a kid and the other was grown, that's a no from me chief.

Actually, I suppose the "can be considered a comship = bad" thing isn't fully true for me. Because the term "comship" often includes toxic ships, not just the pedo stuff. And I'll say, I do like toxic ships sometimes. I like toxic pairings when they're interesting. It's just the kid x adult stuff I don't like.

But there's one that I specifically shit talk all the time, and that's ByaYoru. It falls under the "met when one was a kid and one was grown" category that lots of others do, but it has another layer of it due to how Yoruichi kinda inappropriately treats minors. I mean, I suppose that character trait was ditched later on in the show, but she still touched the kid Byakuya inappropriately regardless and that's just eughhhhh. I guess I make content of them that could be considered "dark" or "comshippy" but I just... Don't call it a ship. I call it dark content. My definition of a ship is different than some people's, I suppose.

There's a lot of ships I don't like due to how I interpret some ages, but it's not like I wouldn't touch them with a 30 ft pole, because again, my interpretation. I would just not interact with it too much. 🤷‍♂️ But BLEACH ages are weird like that, and I might be way wrong about the ages Kubo had in mind. But he won't say them so we have to guess lmao. All we know is the characters that are obvious adults by looking at them, the ones that are obvious kids, and then just... Everyone else. Cause BLEACH.

Idk what else to say? That's kinda my stance on that. I don't really go after people who like these kinda things. The most I'll do is block the tag. Cause even if it's something I find weird, it's absolutely none of my business. I'm the type of man who judges in silence. You won't be free of judgement from me, but I'm not gonna go out of my way to tell you that. Because even if some things might deserve a "wtf is wrong with you"... It won't be me. Cause that's a waste of my time. But there's your answer 👍

[takendruid-rambles]

It's late so I'll properly read this tomorrow. but it is amazing how you conveniently ignored my other reply, and decided to go for this one instead after I had already edited it to say "this is not how I feel anymore about your message". I had made it perfectly clear that this was not the message you should reply to, and you did so anyway.

My other message directly addresses WHY I called your take on Kisuke and Yoruichi bad faith, and yet you uh... ignored it :]

Also I have read the manga, which you would know if you replied to or even read my other message. (however, I read the first and second arcs when I was a child, and have not properly reread them since I was about 7)

However, to address that screenshot you sent of Kisuke. That entire conversation? He's not manipulating Ichigo. And I quote the entire conversation from the manga, including that page, and broke down what Kisuke was actually doing. Yet you cherry picked those two panels completely out of context to back up why you claim Kisuke is being manipulative.

I'm not gonna quote what I say because I can't be assed rn. Just go and read my other reply, it should be in your notifs. But please just stop cherrypicking and nitpicking as you like, because it's just kinda shitty. I say this becuase 1) you intentionally ignored my other reply to reply to my original message AFTER I had already stated that it did not accurately represent how I feel, 2) my second reply actually goes directly into what you say and yet you decided to reply to the message that didn't do that, 3) you overreacted over a single word that genuinely didn't mean anything when I said it, and tried to claim a bunch of things about me that weren't true, and 4) taking two manga panels completely out of context to back up your claims.

Also christ alive just because I said "i grew up watching bleach" does not mean I didn't read the manga. it's like that bullshit on twitter of assuming someone hates waffles just because they said they like pancakes. yes, it has been years since I read the manga. but when I checked that conversation between ichigo and kisuke in my manga yesterday (that's on my shelf btw) with the anime version freshly in my head, it is basically the exact same.

If it makes you happy, I'll reread the first 8??? volumes. That are sitting on my shelf. Right behind me. Because I have owned and read the first 21 volumes since I was about 10, and the first 5 volumes since I was about 8-ish. (and I also own the rest of the manga, have read through it). (Also the reason it has been years since I read the manga is because I am dyslexic and so I don't read for fun, but do not for a second try to claim that me being dyslexic has somehow impired my ability to understand Bleach, or your message. What I am literally saying is that because I am dyslexic, reading is not particularly enjoyable for me. So reading a lot/for long periods of time is not something I enjoy doing, which is why I have not reread Bleach since I was a kid).

I'll read everything else tomorrow and see if I can make a proper response that isn't jsut "read my other reply ffs" but uh,,, read my other reply! I am open to criticism on it, but I find it incredibly fucking convenient that you didn't reply to it (or seem to even read through it) when you've had well 7 hours since replying to my original reply to do so! (at the time of posting this)

here's my thought through reply though if you can't be bothered looking for it, just so you have easy access to it! Some advice? Read through the entire thing before replying just so you can really get everything im trying to say in full context.

Posted not too long after my original reply as well!! So it should have definitely been in your notifs... on top of the notification for my original message as well, may I add.

But, again before you try to say anything, I have not read through your entire message just now. I have not really read through any of it except skimming a couple parts. It's nearly 2am, and I'm going to bed soon, which is why I haven't read through it all.

Make sure to give my proper reply a good and proper read, and really try not to misconstrude anything I'm saying. Okay?? Sure you won't have a problem with that, right? okay, goodnight!!

Could never understand the people who say Ichigo is a bad protagonist/isn't relatable. HES LITERALLY MY SON WHAT DO YOU MEAN

He just wanted to help people :( he has a good heart, and is hated by people because he didn't have any grand plans. Also he is relatable, he just isn't relatable to YOU (you being the people who say he isn't relatable)

Also I need more of pre-soul reaper Ichigo/season 1 Ichigo because he was so fucking funny.

[chailoserr]

BLEACH HEADCANONS

just a bunch of silly little headcanons

characters included: shinji, rukia, urahara, kenpachi, uryuu, yoruichi, and aizen

warnings: a few sex jokes, but that’s pretty standard content from me

SHINJI

• eats peanut butter and jelly with goldfish on them probably

• he’ll stir macaroni aggressively to recreate bad sex noises

• this man watches spongebob squarepants religiously

• i think that if he were to try on clothes he’d be the kind of guy to say “do these yoga leggings make my ass look fat? please please please tell me my ass looks fat”

• i feel like he’s really bad at flirting

• the kind of guy to say “hey girl are you an elevator cuz you look like you could raise a child”

• someone has probably forced him to recreate the iconic evangelion shinji chair pose

• his blood stream is probably like, 89% mcdonald’s sprite

• i think he’d get really dramatic when listening to music and ichigo and rukia would just walk in on him and start bullying him

RUKIA

• probably has worn platform heels to grow taller than ichigo out of spite

• her favorite disney movie is probably brother bear, which is a top tier film

• if she were to have a full ass bedroom she probably get a bunch of cute stuff for it and organize everything

• when swimming she probably gets on renji’s shoulders while ichigo’s on chad’s shoulders and they play wrestle

• loves shopping with orihime probably, it’s like a whole new experience for her and she’s probably really amazed by everything

• definitely takes more than one sample from the samples table on accident

• when at the mall with orihime she wants to know this victoria and her secret

• orihime would probably have to drag her out of the place with a hand clapped over her eyes and the other holding rukia’s leg

• probably likes wearing rings

• she’ll try bonding with byakuya by reading about normal sibling things and be all like “brother! to bond we should try wearing a get along shirt together for 24 hours!”

• it’s stupid but byakuya wants to be a cool and nice older bro so they wear the shirt and look really proud while doing it

• rukia probably goes nuts for juice, especially if it was a juice flavored slushie

URAHARA

• this man probably goes dumpster diving for his clothes and there’s absolutely no shame in that game

• he’s definitely found a dumpster baby or two during his search

• looks like he eats subway and jersey mike’s religiously

• i think he’ll play like uno or poker with the kids

• probably stays up late talking to yoruichi about dumb shit like “what if pasta was purple—we should make pasta purple”

• i don’t think this man has cleaned his bucket hat in y e a r s

• he’ll claim that the smell is just his natural musk

• probably watches bad reality tv, stuff like love is blind

• he watched the entire twilight saga and had a blast doing it

• has probably pissed in a pool

• in fact, he probably makes it his mission to piss in every pool he enters

KENPACHI

• probably can’t cook

• idk how yachiru survived with him all those years bc i feel like he would try cutting up stuff to make food but it was cut TOO aggressively and it’s inedible

• probably let’s yachiru play with his hair

• he eats bowls of nails for breakfast…without any milk

• i feel like he’d run into a mannequin at a mall and then try to fight it bc it was “challenging” him

• sleep fights

• like it’s a natural thing for him, he just thrashes around and fights shit in his sleep

• when he gets too aggressive it’ll take a lot of people to hold him down and tell him “NO YOU CAN’T FIGHT THE BEES”

• has probably said “i don’t talk about feelings, i don’t have any, i’ve never seen one, i’m a night stalking, hollow fighting vigilante and a heavy metal rapping machine, i don’t feel anything emotionally except for R A G E, 24/7, 365, at a million percent, and if you think there’s something wrong with that, you’re crazy”

• but then he turns around and dresses up with ikkaku and yumichika for yachiru’s tea parties

URYUU

• i like to think that he enjoys collecting something weird, like garfield themed phones or paper clips

• he probably goes nuts in the office depot store

• he’s kind of awkward so i imagine he’d be the kind of person to just talk about his special interests to people and be like “ha, they should love me by now for knowing so much about this thing”

• canonically good at sewing and such so i think he actually enjoys making clothes for everyone like silly little hats and purses

• i think he does laundry for fun

• he’s probably the designated picture taker/quote book peep and he really enjoys it

• the man probably has organized BINDERS of quotes from the year, month, and d a y they were said

• i think he’d listen to lofi and bedroom pop kind of music while he worked on sewing or something

• has probably memorized the entire dictionary word for word

• i feel like he hates bugs

• like, terrified of them

• probably took up making friendship bracelets with orihime

• i think he’d enjoy aquariums

• he’d probably start giving everyone in the group specific facts about the fish they were seeing

• was definitely a lego kid, i can f e e l it

• if ichigo or someone was to bring a bag of skittles to share with the group, he’d probably stop them from eating, dump the skittles on a clean surface, and start organizing them by color before anyone could even touch them

• probably wasn’t allowed to watch spongebob growing up, twas only veggie tales

• his favorite veggie tales character was definitely archibald

• overall he’s a sweet boy

• his daddy needs to be nice to him

YORUICHI

• she seems like the type who is exclusively awake at night

• probably does dumb shit with urahara while she’s being nocturnal too

• karaoke? yes. shots? yes. talking about that aforementioned dumb shit? absolutely

• i feel like she’d wear dumb shirts like “this fisherman has a fat cock and he’s not afraid to use it as bait”

• they’re definitely gifts from urahara, but she loves em

• she probably likes going out to eat a lot

• i think she’d enjoy hooters, but in a respectful way

• probably enjoys being lazy and just breaking into urahara’s shop to crash there

• definitely enjoys pranks

• “guess who just walked the prank, kisuke, you’ll never guess who” she says as urahara barfs up the kimchi, milk, sprite, and pickle juice mixture that she tricked him into drinking

AIZEN

• staring off strong: he doesn’t know that women can g e t head

• you’d think he’d have big cock energy but that is simply not true, he’s just tryna compensate for his small pp

• sex jokes aside

• probably likes kale salad except kale is the only thing on the salad and it’s not a salad at all it’s just kale

• this man thinks eating ice cubes is fun

• “mmmm scrumptious, frozen water”

• he probably likes taking freezing ass showers

• and when asked how his sleep was he’s like “i don’t sleep, i only dream”

• his hair has enough product in it to put evil oil barons to shame

• they want his h a i r

• has a “natural musk” that’s akin to the smell of a bad danimals drink you spilled on the carpet of your car three months ago

• probably doesn’t actually know real spanish and he thinks that “las noches” means something super emo like “wolf rose full midnight sky kingdom🐺🥀”

• could be easily defeated if only ichigo and rukia had tried to sing CPR by cupcakke while they thought ONLY about the “hey ya” music video while ALSO doing the “hey ya” just dance choreography

• the chaos would surely throw him off his rhythm

[aurora-313]

I had already read some of black and blue before but finding your tumblr made me much more interested. Now my favorite character in Bleach is Isshin and while he's not the center of tge fiction I am interested in whether you have any ueadcanons for him and his relationships with other characters outside of Kaien and Masaki. Surely he had to know at least one of the vizard before their hollowfication?

Thank you for reading my work. I'm glad to hear you've enjoyed it so far.

Strictly speaking in BB's verse. As I've said in previous asks, the Karakura exiles are extremely tight knit, even including Ryuken on very rare occasion where the Quincy could be persuaded to chat with some of his racial enemies. And I've written the semi-canon side-story 'Special Assistant' that Isshin wanted to extend a branch of friendship to Kisuke (and Yoruichi and Tessai by proxy). I like to think Kisuke took him up on it, and those two became if not friends then decent passing acquaintances.

Tessai is an old friend of sorts, given that he was Inei's Lieutenant in the Kido Corps before Inei's failing health forced him to retire. Isshin knows Tessai pretty well, not as close to him as Yoruichi and Kisuke are, but they're decent friends. I think they like to get together and reminiscence.

In terms of the Visoreds, Isshin would've of known at least five before it all went down; two personally (Shinji and Lisa) and three in passing (Hachi, Mashiro and Hiyori).

At some point, I do imagine there was a kind of meet'n'greet in the human world. The Visoreds saved Kaien's life and Isshin would want to thank them for that and hear their side of that story.

In terms of other characters, I haven't really given it much thought to be honest with you. As you pointed out, he's not a central figure (yet?) so his role hasn't really been expanded upon.

That being said, I do intend to address Matsumoto and Hitsuguya's non-reaction to Isshin being alive and Ichigo's father. There's a bit of levity I intend to milk out of that conversation.

Kukaku's just as close to Isshin as Kaien was, given he spoilt them rotten as kids and egged their teenaged pranks on. She didn't buy for a second the MIA declared KIA story one bit and sincerely believed her Uncle was alive somewhere, but plans to shove a firework up his backside for dumping her with Clan leadership without so much as a 'hey, how you doing'.

Ganju wasn't as close to Isshin as the other two, but he still has very fond memories of his Uncle.

That's all I have for you I'm afraid. And sorry for the late response, I fell asleep. Heh.

[foxydivaxx]

Some New Reality!Au Headcanons

Been a while I have written some of these

-The AOT cast and a couple of anime characters and other characters starred in the Hetalia series.

Axis:

Italy/Romano: Eren

Germany/ HRE: Erwin replaced by Goku

Japan: Zoro

Allies:

America: Edward Elric

Canada: Alphonse Elric

France: Sanji

England: Bakugou

Russia: Zeke

China: Yato

Others:

Europe:

Belarus: Ymir (blonde Ymir) (Serves as Nyo! France)

Hungary: Annie (Nyo! England) replaced by Asuna

Austria: Sebastian

Belgium: Sasha

Luxembourg: Armin replaced by Kurapika

Netherlands: Porco replaced by Natsu

Czechia: Erza

Slovakia: Ichigo

Liechtenstein: Lucy Heartfilia ( Also Nyo!Luxembourg)

Poland: Naruto

Prussia: Jean

Ukraine: Shiemi Moriyama

Estonia: Urahara

Lithuania: Yukio

Denmark: Laxus

Finland: Meliodas

Iceland: Kaneki

Norway: Shizuo Heiwajima

Sweden: Reiner

Greece: Suzaku

Cyprus: Lelouch

Monaco: Historia

Spain/Portugal:

Turkey: Rin Okumura (suprisingly)

Africa:

Egypt: Yami Yugi

Seychelles: Canary (Hunter x Hunter)

Asia:

Hong Kong: Sousuke Sagara

Malaysia: Yuuki Kuran (also Nyo! Italy)

Phillipines: Light Yagami

Taiwan: Ahri (she also plays Nyo!Korea)

South Korea: Suzaku again

Macau: Aizen

Thailand: Ichigo

India: Haruhi Fujioka

Vietnam: Sakura Haruno (Nyo! Portugal and Spain)

Australia/ New Zealand: All Might

Cuba: Endevour

Seborga: Sasori

Others:

Ancient Rome: Grisha (xD)

Ancient Greece: Carla

Ancient Egypt: Yoruichi

Germania: Minato Namikaze

-The cast is huge and as a result, things get a little chaotic on set

- Eren happily took his role as he sees it as a challenge considering the fact that Italy is well.....a pretty cowardly pasta loving dude.

- Italy's high pitched voice was hard for Eren at first but eventually he nailed it and almost lost his voice in the process

-Eren uses his normal voice for Romano

-Eren also sang most of the Hetalia themes and everyone else sang their own versions of the songs including the character songs

- Majority of the cast changed their hairstyles to fit with their characters

-They all took language and accent classes to nail the accents of their respective characters. Hilarity ensued

- Rin and Sukazu in particular shocked everyone with their acting chops on the show and their characters became the darkhorses of the show

- Ymir scared everyone with her performance as Belarus xD

- Levi was the one that originally played Japan

- Eren and Levi broke up around the timing of Season 3 of Attack on Titan which aired around the same time as this show and maintained a certain level of animosity for each other for years after that. What caused the breakup is still a mystery and it is something neither party wants to talk about.

- Thanks to said breakup, Eren and Levi refused to shoot scenes together and they often used stand-ins whenever the two shot scenes together. They even refused to do fan events together until a recent Hetalia reunion forced them to do so. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable for Eren as Levi kept on shading him. Thankfully, the others called him out on it, leading to Levi leaving the show and getting replaced by Zoro who many believed to be a better fit for the role

- It was during this period that the relationship between Eren and Ahri deepened. Ironically some fans began to ship Italy and Taiwan due to that one scene where Italy takes Taiwan out on a date. That scene is both Eren and Ahri's favorite scene

- Speaking of the Royal Couple, the paparazzi caught Eren and Ahri kissing one day on set. That drove the media frenzy to an overdrive.

- Ironically, Eren and Ahri sort of dated in real life but had to seperate out of fear of the impact the constant media attention could cause to their relationship. They would get back together years later

- They always throw parties for their birthdays and big wrap parties after shooting for each season as well.

- The Asian kids are the main noisemakers on set

- Levi once played a deadly prank on Eren by firing a firework which hit and injured Eren and landed him in hospital for weeks. He has not apologised for that

- There have been jokes about France's ecchi tendencies amongst the cast, something Sanjii relishes with glee.

- Sanji and Bakogou actually get along in real life compared to their characters

- South Korea was initially edited out of the show due to some political controversy but was later restored back after fans demanded for his return. Suzaku was pleased with this

-The Nordics are as close as their characters and often go bungee jumping snowboarding together

- The Axis and Allies often engage in prank wars on set which often get out of hand

- Mikasa was offered the role of Taiwan initially but because she asked for way more money than she was supposed to be paid plus insisted on being the lead actress, the role was given to Ahri instead who made her acting debut through the show. Needless to say, Mikasa was not amused by this as the show made Ahri a big star especially as her character started getting more prominent on the show

- That incident started a one-sided rivalry of sorts between Ahri and Mikasa partially due to the show. The other reason is because of Eren

- It was during season 2 of Hetalia that Eren and the AOT cast regained their memories

- That alone caused a rift between the Hetalia cast and some of the AOT cast due to the manner by which Eren was treated. Those AOT cast members got replaced

- Jean, Reiner, Historia, Floch and Sasha are the only members of the AOT cast that still talk to Eren besides Zeke and Ymir and Eren's parents

- Eren's mental state began to decline during this period. The only thing that sort of kept him happy was Ahri who was unaware of what was going on because Eren did not tell her much. She would later find out in Lost And Found

- Season 4 of Attack on Titan was hellish for Eren given his actions in real life. The cast had to pretend like they were one happy family for the cameras when in reality that was never the case. Levi even lied and said that Eren cheated on him and even Mikasa when they dated whereas that was not true.

- Levi also told all sorts of ugly lies about Eren which caused a backlash on Eren for a while and almost led him to commit suicide

- Most of Eren's friends called Levi out on his actions and also dragged Mikasa down too for her own actions since she was part of the whole drama

- Eren has since semi-retired from the entertainment industry. He still performs to some extent and still records music but he has yet to release an album in years.

-There was a song Eren recorded about the Ackermans where he lambasted them for their actions called Toxic Love. He never released it but Zeke leaked it out anyways and fans were saddened that said song was not officially released as it would have been the perfect response to Levi's song, Blood Traitor

- Lelouch had a nasty breakup during this period as well from his girlfriend named Sally

- Eren was not the only Aogiri member that had a mental breakdown. Kaneki had one too after that tragic accident that Aogiri went through

- In short the entire group was not the same again after losing 3 members of the group like that.

- Every year, there is a special candlelight vigil remembrance event for the fallen members of the group

- Usagi Tsukino who plays Nyo!America on the show has not completely recovered from the loss of her boyfriend Mamoru Chiba and is another person being placed on suicide watch

- Eren no longer talks to Armin and Mikasa for obvious reasons

- The scenes where some certain countries get drunk? Yup, the actors in question got drunk in those scenes

- There were stories about a ghost haunting the set. No one knows who started those stories

- The main cast exchanged their roles and lines for a scene once during a fan event. Hilarity ensued.

Eren: Russia

Zeke: Italy

Sasuke: Germany

Goku: France

Edward: China

Yato: America

Bakugou was the only one playing his actual role (Based that off on the Hetalia 2010 Seiyuu event)

-Some scenes involving Italy become harsher to watch once stories about Levi’s attitude towards Eren make headlines

- Gilgamesh (Fate’s Gilgamesh) is a huge fan of the show and finds the characters funny. He finds Italy amusing due to his cowardly nature. He and Eren are friends in real life and he almost killed Levi when he heard what happened on that set. His favorite scene was a scene of that one time Italy lost his shit and went full-on psycho mode on Russia. Needless to say, that scene was both hilarious and at the same time scary

[rayshippouuchiha]

Ok but like for your Ready Made Family AU, I had this thought that Ichigo eventually gets around to trusting her boys enough to trust them with keeping Yuzu and Karin safe and then immediately what pops up into my head is the two of them calling the guys nii-san which just utterly blows everyone's minds. Like I'm Uraichi trash so just think about 12th division people just staring in shock at Urahara freaking Kisuke (you know ex-assassin and all) being called Kisuke-nii.

Kisuke has always been good at tests.

His inborn and ever hungry sense of curiosity has always been a blessing in that area as it’s been a curse in others.

Logic puzzles, equations, battle simulations, they have always come relatively easy to him.  Tests of control, of strength, of loyalty, have always been taken in stride as well.

He excels in his strengths, compensates and plans around his weaknesses, bends and twists rules when and where necessary.

It’s rare for a test to take him truly off guard for longer than a split second before his mind begins to work and plan and weave.

Which is why he’s at bit at a loss as to what to do at the moment.

Because, Kisuke can’t help but muse as he stares down into two upturned and chubby cheeked faces, this is most certainly a test of some sort.

Kurosaki-chan, Ichigo some covetous part of Kisuke’s mind can’t help but whisper, has left her precious sisters in his care for the afternoon.

Kisuke is one part delighted and one part absolutely terrified.

Because this, the trust, the connection, the two smiling faces staring up at him, is a glimpse of everything he’s wanted since the moment he’d first seen his beloved.

So he absolutely cannot afford to fuck this up.

If he does, Kisuke is sure that Ichigo will cut him directly out of her life and no amount of pleading or stubbornness will change her mind.

And Kisuke most certainly will not be allowing that to happen.

The only problem is that, despite his persistence and his hovering, this is also one of the first times he’s been allowed to be completely alone with the twins.  Alone without Ichigo at least within shouting distance.

And Kisuke has no idea what he’s supposed to do.

A hand coming up to tap his finger against the swell of his bottom lip, Kisuke contemplates his options.

He wants the girls to like him more than they already do and wants Ichigo to be pleased with him.  Wants to, hopefully one day soon, be a real part of their family.

So, with that in mind, perhaps his best choice is the simplest.

Something educational but entertaining.  Ichigo will be pleased that he taught them something useful and the girls will, hopefully, have fun.

“Tell me, Yuzu-chan, Karin-chan,” Kisuke blinks as he stares down at the two of them, “how do you feel about arson?”

Yuzu and Karin share a look and then they both turn back towards him and beam.

~~~

The looks Kisuke receives when he arrives at the 12th Division with two small children in tow range from blank shock to horror but he doesn’t focus on any of them.

Instead he ushers Karin and Yuzu into his lab to gather a few supplies before they head out.

Hiyori-fukutaichou bursts into the lab right as Kisuke’s ready to head out with the girls, chest heaving, face flushed and sandal in hand.

“No time to talk, things to do, fires to set,” Kisuke tell her cheerfully before he reaches down to scoop both girls up under a arm and, with them dangling by his sides, exits out the window with a quick burst of shunpo.

Behind him Kisuke hears her scream after him but he ignores it.

He only has the afternoon with them before Ichigo’s business will be concluded and Kisuke intends to make the most of it.  He doesn’t have time to deal with whatever is bothering his fukutaichou at the moment.

~~~

A few hours later, Kisuke makes it back to Seireitei.  He’s covered in soot and dangling from each of his hands is an equally soot covered but still giggling twin.

Kisuke’s pretty sure that means he’s passed at least half of this test.

Still, the last thing he’s expecting to happen is to be met in the courtyard by a crowd of people including the majority of the 12th Division, Yoruichi, Hirako-taichou, and a number of other Gotei 13 members of various ranks.

“Ah,” Kisuke stalls out for a moment, “is … there a problem?”

“Urahara-taichou,” Ukitake-taichou looks pained, “we’ve heard some unsettling rumors and it should be known that experiments involving children are not condoned by the Gotei 13.”

Kisuke blinks, confused. Yoruichi lets out a loud bray of laughter that she instantly tries to tamp down on with only mild success.

“Apologies,” Kisuke bows shallowly before straightening, hands coming up at his sides as he shrugs just a bit, the movement sending Yuzu and Karin into new rounds of giggles.  “In my defense the fires were controlled and they seemed to enjoy it.”

“Kisuke-nii is lots of fun,” Yuzu agrees with a bright smile despite her soot covered face.

“Kisuke-nii let us make things go boom,” Karin cheers as she throws her hands in the air, unconcerned with the way she’s so far off the ground.  “Best day ever!”

Around the courtyard everyone seems to freeze much to Kisuke’s bewilderment.

“K-Kisuke-nii?” He hears someone whisper.

“Hopefully your sister will agree,” Kisuke tells both of them because now that he knows they really had enjoyed the afternoon that’s all that matters to him.  “My beloved is very demanding after all.”

“B-Beloved?” this time it’s more of a echoed shriek than a whisper.

“What, exactly, is going on?” Ukitake-taichou interrupts then.

“Oh,” Kisuke blinks again, attention turning back to the gathered mass in front of him.  “Did you not know?  I assumed it was obvious.”

“No,” Ukitake-taichou looks somewhere between flustered and pained.  “I’m afraid we’re all at a bit of a lose Urahara-taichou.  Please explain why and how you have these children.”

“I agreed to watch Yuzu-chan,” Kisuke raises the hand holding her up in emphasis, “and Karin-chan,” that hand goes up then, “because their sister had business to tend to today.”

“Someone voluntarily let you watch kids?” HIyori asks, disbelief thick in her voice.

“Yes,” Kisuke can’t help the way he puffs up just a bit in pride, “I insisted.  We’ll be family one day soon if all goes well after all.”

“Family?” One of the lower ranked members of the 12th speaks up then.  “You’re gonna have a family?”

“Indeed,” Kisuke agrees easily enough. “As soon as I convince their sister, Kurosaki Ichigo, to marry me.  She is very stubborn but, as you can tell, I am madly in love.”

There’s a moment of silence once again.

And then …

Chaos.

[the8thsphynx]

*Insert Seinfeld Slap Bass*

Characters: Grimmjow Jaegerjquez, Kugo Ginjo, Kukaku Shiba, Kisuke Urahara, Ichigo Kurosaki, Shukuro Tsukishima Pairings: Grimmjow/Ginjo, Kisuke/Yoruichi Genre: Comedy, Romance, Family, Government Espionage Warnings: Mature language, s3xual humor, fighting/violence, alcohol, mentions of death, rap battles with government officials

[this space is where I’ll edit later and put later chapters]

Prologue:

‘I’m Sorry to Tell You This, But I’m Hanging With Your Cousins’

A convenience store door rattled open and out walked a very tired young man with bright orange hair. He slung the plastic bag over his shoulder and walked forward, sighing deeply and leaving a trail of vapor behind in the cold January air. Buildings towered on either side of him along narrow walkway streets and framed above him the bright red and pink hues of the evening sky.

With so few people also walking about and the streets winding down in bustle, he decided that it was appropriate to lift his eyes up and indulge himself in the mass of colors in the sky. From where he looked, left to right in between the buldings, the sky was a vibrant red with a thin line of orange wherever the last bits of sun hit rooftops or windows, beyond that it faded to a gentle violet and then into the deep indigo of the coming night. Far behind him to the west there was a mass of thick and fluffy clouds that had brought in a short-lived snow just this morning, and now to the east where his eyes flicked to there was a massive black leg colliding into his face.

“TWO FOR FLINCHING, KUROSAKI.”

Ichigo had blocked the leg with his left arm, before he could recover himself or process what had happened, the leg swung away and down from him and next two fists consecutively came towards his face. Reluctantly dropping his convenience store bag, Ichigo threw his arms up to block the hits.

“Didn’t Nelliel tell you not to cause scenes when you’re here, Grimmjow?!” he hissed

His assailant, a slightly taller and older man with striking blue hair backed off but kept both fists up. Grimmjow’s expression soured and he flexed his hands, “You’re using that as an excuse, really? Thought bitching out wasn’t your style, kid.”

Ichigo dropped his shoulders and groaned, rubbing the gradually soring parts of his arm before turning to pick up his bag, “...If anything in here is broken, I’m making you make Urahara pay for it…”

He stood back up straight sharply and caught the shocked and confused faces fo civilians who had frozen in place at the sudden attack.

Ichigo laughed nervously and waved to them reassuringly, “Ahahah, oh no, it’s fine! He’s just a friend from college who I horse around with! I’m so sorry! Hahah… ah…”

Grimmjow raised one eyebrow and shoved his hands into his pockets, “Not my fault you ain’t fast.”

The arrancar was passing for human now, on account of the special-made gigai Kisuke Urahara had manufactured for him; if not for the grey wool shirt and brown bomber jacket he wore, the void in his stomach where his Hollow hole was would be nonexistent, even complete with a belly button. Likewise, Grimmjow’s signature jawbone mask fragment was gone from his cheek. Unfortunately, with how sharp his voice was and the intense color of his hair and eyes, Grimmjow still stood out quite a bit.

Ichigo rifled through the bag and checked each item. By the grace of whatever spirit, none of his snacks or Yuzu’s sodas had been damaged. Singing and silently thanking this one sliver of luck, the boy wrinkled his nose at Grimmjow.

“Aren’t you on the clock for the Urahara Shop right now?” he walked past Grimmjow and continued on.

The arrancar followed, grabbing a box with a plastic handle off the ground and hauling it under his arm and on his hip, “Yes, but you were there and wide open.”

“What do you want, Grimmjow? I don’t have time to fight with you lately. Sorry, but I’ve only got another week of vacation before I go back to Kyoto for college and I don’t wanna spend it fending off a guy that looks like a drug dealer.”

Grimmjow made a gagging sound, “Fucking hell, you’re boring as shit without a war raging, huh? Your cousins are better company than you, anyways.”

Ichigo paused and raised an eyebrow, “...My cousins…?”

“Yeah, in Soul Society,” the older male gestured with one hand, “Way out in the boonies there with the gaudy decorations.”

An orange head nodded slowly, “Ohhh, the Shiba residence… yeah… I’m still mentally processing that we’ve been family this whole time. I guess I’m curious, though… what about Miss Kukaku and Ganju appealed to you?”

Grimmjow sniffed, “One-armed chick is fine, her brother is a alright but kinda annoying… I’ve been hanging around the other guy, mainly.”

Ichigo opened his mouth to remark which Shiba clan member it might be, then he narrowed his eyes in realizing he… didn’t know any other Shibas…?

He blinked, “Uh… You don’t mean my dad, right?”

“Your dad?”

Ichigo held his hand up slightly above his head, “This tall? Black hair? Wide build? Strong jaw? Weird personality…?”

Grimmjow held up a finder with each description, “Yeah, yep, uh-huh, I guess, and… yeah, he’s weird as hell, that’s for sure.”

Ichigo nodded, “...That’s my dad. Why are you hanging out with my dad?”

The arrancar tilted his head, “No, I’ve met your dad. This ain’t that old man. It’s your other cousin.”

“I literally just described my dad to you and you said yes.”

Grimmjow flexed his hand until his knuckles cracked and let out a sharp sigh, “Fucking seriously? No it ain’t. Your dad’s name Kugo Ginjo? I know what I’m talking about, Kurosaki.”

The name rang in Ichigo’s ears and he froze in place. It was as if his mind caught in TV static, with forgotten memories rushing through and threatening to sweep him up into a storm. He looked back at Grimmjow and the arrancar stopped his walk to halfly turn and look back at the boy.

Ichigo swallowed and shifted the plastic bag in his hand, “...Ex-fucking-scuse me?”

A/N: I have no intent to include a cohesive plot into this besides just moments here and there that tie in together, I’m kinda just going with the flow here and writing what makes me laugh or that I like. Thank you for reading and thank you even more if you’re enjoying it as much as I’m enjoying writing it!

[akaluan]

In the soulmate au how close is Tanya to having a Zanpakuto of the Salary Man? Sense you mentioned he notices things before her. How much of Urahara's i-dont-have-a-choice mentality have Yoruichi & Tensei accidentally propagated? How hard are Alexis & Erich going to tear into people (like Tensei but also Ukitake.) Who have hurt him like that?

So I'm not honestly intending on having Tanya become a Shinigami or Shinigami adjacent person -- she's going to be more like Orihime in that she ends up with essentially "wild card"-ishy powers, informed by her magic and trained by Quincy. The Salaryman to her is more like... an alter, sorta? But a very quiet one. He informs some of her responses, twigs onto things sooner than her in some cases (mostly because she's busy Surviving and he isn't), and gets a touch exasperated by her emotional responses, but he doesn't really.. step forward at all. Or "speak" in a way that she parses as anything but Herself. They're pretty blended, tbh, and I can only imagine that blending continuing as Tanya grows up and gets out of delayed puberty. They'll never be a singlet by any means, but the line will blur further as she gets closer to the age the Salaryman was when he died.

Urahara's mentality -- as with most times I write him -- is informed significantly by the way he was raised. And I know this is mostly fanon and not canon, but we do know that he knew Yoruichi and Tessai pretty early, but he's definitely not a noble by any means. Which.. Yoruichi can be nice, but she's both a heiress AND the inheritor of the stealth forces. She was raised and trained with those duties in mind, and that sort of thing can and will shape a person's mindset. She likes Kisuke, probably even loves him in her own way, and DEFINITELY lets him get away with things she wouldn't tolerate from anyone else, but like... she's a heiress and he was probably a street kid she found, took a shine too, and dragged into her shadow. There will always be a measure of inequality between them, especially this early in their exile, simply because of that and because she was his Captain / superior officer for so long.

Kisuke likely grew up with that knowledge hanging over his head (we see from Rukia's bits and pieces how utterly ruthless Clan politics and Elders can be, so it's not out of the question that Kisuke was Informed Of His Place multiple times as he was growing up, outside of Yoruichi's view / knowledge), along with the fact that his best friends were, for most of his life, Also His Superiors.

So honestly? Yoruichi and Tessai are probably (accidentally) a good portion of why he just.. goes along with whatever is demanded of him.

Erich and Alexis will eventually be having Words with various people, yes XD Including / especially Yoruichi. No one is going to be happy about the conversation, no, but I think it does probably need to happen.

[midnightactual]

To celebrate Day 26 of October, Yoruichi was cosplaying as Michiko Malandro from Michiko to Hachin. Kinda like this.

[rhazziiiiiiii]

I want to hear about your Bleach ships Your OTP: Your second OTP: A pair you used to ship, but don’t anymore: The ship that doesn’t make sense canon-wise, but you love them anyway: Your favourite xOC ship and why: The ship you warmed up to: Your NOTP: The pair that you do not personally ship, but can see why some people ship them: Anything else:

Thanks so much for this ask (🥺❤️💛🖤) you're everything good with this world.

My OTP: Yoruichi x Soi Fon

Anybody who follows this blog knows this. There's no fucking question.

My second OTP: ShunUki

Are you kidding me???? How could I not????

A pair I used to ship but don't anymore: ByaRuki

Listen, I KNOW I KNOW, OKAY?! I was 12. Forgive us.

Ship that doesn't make sense in canon, but I love anyway: HitsuRuki/Rangiku x Soi Fon

It's cute, is all I am gonna say.

My favorite xOC ship: None

Unless you include UraharaxMe

Ship I warmed up to: IchiHime

After my 14th rewatch.

Your NOTP: UraharaxYoruichi

Reason- Soi Fon exists.

The pair I don't personally ship but can see why everyone does: ... Urahara x Yoruichi

There. I admitted it. Enjoy my defeat.

Anything else: ChadIchi is my favourite Ichigo ship forever and ever don't @ me.

Reblog and add yours! Let's get to know each other's ships!!!!!

[uraharashouten]

Shouten Out Loud Podcast

Episode 1: Ricardo Montalbán Part 1

Kisuke: Hello there, new listeners—and you’re all new listeners, because this is our first ever episode of the new Urahara Shōten podcast, Shouten Out Loud! I’m your producer, Urahara Kisuke!

Yoruichi: I think they all know who you are, Kisuke.

Kisuke: And that’s our color commentator, Shihōin Yoruichi! 

Yoruichi: That’s raci—

Tessai: —I hardly think that is fair to Yoruichi-dono.

Kisuke: And that would be our anchorman and main interviewer, Tsukabishi Tessai! Take it away, Tessai!

Tessai: … Thank you, Tenchō.

Tessai: Today’s topic will be: Lessons Urahara Kisuke learned from the Hollowfication Incident.

Kisuke: … Did you really have to start us off with that?

Yoruichi: I like that framing. It’s more insightful than something dry and neutral. I’m all ears. Well?

Kisuke: … Ah…

Tessai: Let us review the events of that evening. First, you sent your lieutenant, Sarugaki Hiyori, to join the investigative team looking into the mysterious disappearances.

Kisuke: Don’t remind me.

Tessai: A choice which, to your great humiliation in a captain’s meeting, you later regretted.

Kisuke: …

Tessai: Following that, you were prepared to assist her, without seeking assistance yourself.

Kisuke: Upon which, you insisted on coming with me.

Tessai: Correct. But you did not seek the aid of Yoruichi-dono.

Yoruichi: It’s because I’d already rebuked him in front of everyone.

Kisuke: Can you blame me?

Yoruichi: Absolutely.

Kisuke: … Go on.

Tessai: We came upon the investigation team, including Sarugaki-san, suffering the effects of Hollowfication, and nearby, perhaps unexpectedly, Aizen Sōsuke and his companions claiming to be rendering aid to the ‘injured’.

Kisuke: Can you believe he tried to characterize it that way to me? To me?

Tessai: I do not think that you are helping your case.

Kisuke: … Anyway, back then, Aizen—

Yoruichi: —As I recall, he told you, “I see. You’re... the man I expected you to be,” and your response was basically “... and I took that personally,” as the kids say these days.

Kisuke: ... What's with that impression, Yoruichi-san? That's… disconcerting—

Tessai: ... Yoruichi-dono is not incorrect.

Kisuke: Wouldn't you be irritated if he'd said that to you?

Yoruichi: So you admit this whole thing was you living out a revenge fantasy? “Ah, Aizen, my old friend. Do you know the Rukongai proverb that tells us ‘Revenge is a dish that is best served cold’? Tchhh… It is very cold... in Muken.”

Tessai: I do not believe that is a Rukongai proverb…

Yoruichi: What, no praise for that impersonation? And I have to make it relatable. Nobody even knows who Ricardo Montalbán is anymore.

Tessai: A shame. He was a fine—

Kisuke: —I’ll admit, I did have a century to think about it.

Yoruichi: Ricardo Montalbán? He wasn’t even alive yet back then!

Kisuke: …

Tessai: When did you first see an opportunity to undo what you had done?

Kisuke: …

Kisuke: Really, Tessai?

Kisuke: I decided to approach the problem from new angles. For one thing, this time, I did summon Yoruichi-san for help.

Tessai: That was hardly the first step you took, though, was it? Yoruichi-dono, would you care to describe the situation you found when you arrived?

Yoruichi: I think that most authorities would refer to it as “in progress”. Basically, he only called me in once Byakuya-bo and Renji were already there to apprehend Rukia and his plan was well in motion.

Kisuke: Ah, but to call it a ‘plan’ gives me too much credit. Plans are dangerously predictable. This was more of an… un-plan.

Yoruichi: Yes, yes, I know—I have the history degree here, I’ll spell it out for them.

Yoruichi: As Sun Tzu once advised, “If I determine the enemy’s disposition of forces while I have no perceptible form, I can concentrate my forces while the enemy is fragmented. The pinnacle of military deployment is formless: if it is formless, then even the deepest spy cannot discern it, nor the wise make plans against it.”

Kisuke: … Exactly!!

Yoruichi: I wouldn’t call him ‘wise’.

Kisuke: There was simply the convergence of more than a few happy accidents—

Tessai: Is that how you refer to installing the Hōgyoku in Kuchiki-dono?

Kisuke: That did not go according to any plan…

Kisuke: However, once her chilling effect was gone due to the transfer of her powers—I knew it was only a matter of time before the Hōgyoku within her drew Aizen’s attention.

Tessai: The transfer of her powers to one Kurosaki Ichigo.

Kisuke: Yes, one of those ‘happy accidents’.

Tessai: The power transfer? Or the existence of Kurosaki-san?

Kisuke: … Well that’s true; he wasn’t an accident… exactly…

Yoruichi: So, the second thing to know about Kisuke’s modus operandi is that he takes advantage of whatever he happens to find on the battlefield.

Tessai: My apologies—what is the first thing to know, Yoruichi-dono?

Yoruichi: He already told us: that he took it personally.

Kisuke: … I believe you told them that, Yoruichi-san.

Yoruichi: Anyway, the third thing to know goes back to that quote: what you don’t know can’t be used against you.

Tessai: What do you mean by that?

Yoruichi: Hah. Ask Shinji or Isshin or any of the others! Isn’t that right, Kisuke?

Kisuke: I was going to say that the second lesson learned was never to give direct orders—

Tessai: Due to your regrets regarding Sarugaki-san?

Kisuke: Of course! I could never again endure the awful responsibility should some terrible fate befall them. If people are simply acting on the basis of the best available knowledge, who can say what they might do?

Yoruichi: You.

Kisuke: I heard Aizen-san was surprised to learn Kurosaki-san was not acting on my orders. One would think he’d have taken that into consideration—

Tessai: Inoue-san, in fact, went to great lengths to avoid following your orders.

Kisuke: She did, didn’t she?

Yoruichi: Well, after Byakuya and Renji were allowed to carry off Rukia that night so that Aizen would feel emboldened enough to act, had it been obvious that Ulquiorra was allowed to carry off Orihime so that Ichigo’s training was sufficiently complete, maybe they’d all have started to get suspicious. What was it Ian Fleming said? “Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.”

Kisuke: They made their own choices! Don’t look at me; I was acting on orders.

Tessai: You refer to the orders you received from Captain Commander Yamamoto to prepare a Garganta to be used by the Gotei 13 invasion force soon after their arrival, which you chose not to disclose to them.

Yoruichi: Wonder why Chad and Ichigo never approached you about Xcution...

Kisuke: I can’t imagine.

Yoruichi: So, since there’s probably a risk of listeners losing the plot here, allow me another Sun Tzu quote: “To defeat your enemy, you must pretend inferiority and encourage your enemy’s arrogance.” What do you make of that?

Kisuke: Well… nothing communicates inferiority more than losing, does it?

Yoruichi: Didn’t he wind up calling you a loser at the very end?

Kisuke: Exactly! We had him quite convinced. He probably still thinks of me as inferior…

Kisuke: Interesting that he’s the one in Muken.

Tessai: Would you therefore assert that the purpose of this campaign was to turn back around on him his remarks to you that night?

Yoruichi: To prove that actually he was the man you imagined him to be?

Kisuke: If he hadn’t been, I’m not sure where any of us would be right now…

Kisuke: He’s wonderfully consistent.

Tessai: Do you believe, in retrospect, that focusing on a singular nemesis for a century truly formed a solid working basis for the events which would follow?

Kisuke: I—hmm.

Kisuke: I suppose—the bit about asking Yoruichi-san for help… gradually extended to others, as well.

Kisuke: It turns out that when people are allowed to understand the goal, they’re quite reliable in lending their aid.

Yoruichi: I mean, you say this now, but Isshin basically had to tell you what to do with Ichigo.

Kisuke: Restoring his powers, you mean?

Yoruichi: Yeah. And nobody else outside the Gotei 13 besides Isshin knew what the plan was. Again. So you included one co-conspirator. And I was busy, so really you just swapped one for another.

Kisuke: I recall saying to him, “A father may rob his son of his future.” And well—one must be careful not to leave too many Soul King candidates lying around… though at the time, I suppose that wasn’t yet a concern anyone else shared—

Tessai: That quote which you just now recollected… You don’t believe that to have been a potentially unwise position to take, given what would occur only one month afterward?

Kisuke: Haha, you’ve got me there. I suppose, really, I simply didn’t want the choice to be mine.

Yoruichi: I’m sure your apology to Ichigo after Rukia’s rescue had nothing to do with it.

Kisuke: Well… going forward, after that point… I did let Kurosaki-san in on my plans. 

Yoruichi: None of you can see me, but I’m giving him a really exasperated look right now.

Kisuke: And many others, as well! Nelliel, Grimmjow, the Fullbringers, the SRDI, Hirako and the Vizard—

Kisuke: I suppose not all of them were aware of the plans I made with the others… but at least each group was aware they were part of a plan!

Yoruichi: “Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.”

Tessai: Yoruichi-dono, I’m not sure that I follow…

Yoruichi: How would you say that the overall plan went?

Tessai: That question sounds quite pointed. Tenchō, your reply?

Kisuke: Haha, Yoruichi-san, I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Kisuke: Using Yhwach’s body to replace the Soul King… it isn’t ideal.  But we’re all still here, aren’t we?

Kisuke: That’s at least… sixty percent better than not being here at all—

Yoruichi: —Well, you did just suggest, live on air, that ‘The Great Soul King Protection War’ was a sham, so!

Yoruichi: On that bombshell, it’s time to end! Goodnight!

Tessai: Goodni—

Kisuke: We’ll be back after this short break!

[ static hiss ]

[ continued in Part 2 ]

[husbandograveyard]

Hey Hazel, I was wondering who your favorite characters are to read with?

Oh that's a very nice yet very vague question since Im in so many fandoms especially if you include the ones I dont write about. Within the ones I write about it's

One piece: Kiku, Izo, Shanks, Ace, Zoro, Kid, Killer, Sabo, Robin, Vivi, X Drake, Barto, Benn, Koala, Smoothie... (keeping my eye on some more wano characters 👀 and honestly I'll read almost anything).

Naruto: Itachi ♡ There's a bunch more like Kakashi, Tsunade, Iruka, Kiba. But man, 14 year old me got attached to Itachi and never let go 🙊

Bleach: Hisagi, Gin, Byakuya, Kensei, Shinji, Yoruichi

Free!: Makoto!

Magi: Kouen, Sinbad, Sharrkan, Hakuryuu, lately Komei too. Let's see if it changes when I read the manga.

Kuroshitsuji & Inuyasha: no one! I don't really read w them anymore but enjoy writing the characters. Weak spots for Grelle and Ronald tho.

Kamigami: the 1 decent dionysos fic there is. Rip.

BNHA: Kirishima, Mirio, Todoroki, Hawks, lately Fatgum and Miruko got me 👀

What about you anon? Care to share? ♡

And the rest of you guys? Let's talk favorites!