#Yes I named the seagull after my stuffed animal

[synonymroll2121]

Wallace.

Aurelio : When I said bring me back something from the beach, I meant like a seashell, not a bird! Teo, with a new pet seagull nesting on his hair: We’ll, why didn’t you just say that? And his name is Wallace, be nice.

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

The Ferret

I was reading about ferrets, and I read about how they go scurrying through the rabbit tunnels in the dark and they get the rabbits. And I thought, Hey, that's great! You could make a superhero about ferrets. The Ferret. Brave, fierce, slinky, kinda sexy. Right? Kinda sexy! "Ferreting out crime". Sounds like a thing. So I got out the ol' credit card and I had three interest free months, which felt like a sign. Right? What are the odds? Are you kidding me? So I went down to the fabric store and got a bunch of fabric and went to the hardware store for some wire and tools and whatnot and then went to a tailor with a pic of a ferret I printed out at the library and pointed at it and said "Make ME... into THIS." And I gave the guy three hundred bucks. The guy was like, whoa. I could see he was into it. Making a superhero costume, are you kidding me right now. Bucket list. Um, yes. And I handed him the bag of box cutters and LED lights for the outfit and he nodded and slid it under the table. I knew right then and there we had a collaboration going on. Like this guy was gonna be my Alfred, if Alfred made outfits for Batman. So the next day I came back and honestly the guy, the tailor, his name was Rod, nailed it. I basically gave Rod the job on the spot, although it's not a job so I didn't. There was a cute little furry cap with sharp teeth that hung over my forehead and red LED light eyes that glared fiercely. It was connected to a cape that went down my back but also had sleeves which had razor sharp claws at the end. Literally razor sharp because they were blades from the box cutters I bought. It was so cool. I put it on and twirled and snarled. I pounced on Rod and pretended to nibble on his neck a little. He was cheering. He loved it. I went out looking for crime that night but I couldn't find anything. Not to worry. It just meant that the streets were safe. I kept going out but I still couldn't find any crime. That's a good thing, right? You don't WANT to see crime. There must have been no crime, I figured. But then I checked the news and there'd been loads of crime. I just hadn't been in the right place at the right time. Rod suggested it was because I was too visible with my light brown fur. Crooks were seeing me and leaving the area. So we rebuilt the costume from the ground up with black fur. Now I was gonna blend in at night and the black fur would hide stains better too. I went out again but I still couldn't find any crime. I was starting to get bummed out. I was ready to stop crime but none of it was happening in the right place. I had to get back to basics. I thought about what a ferret would do. Well, for one, it wouldn't be a fucking HOBBY. Get the rabbit or die. That's the ferret's code. I needed to think like a ferret or it was just a costume. I stopped eating and vowed not to start again until I'd stopped a crime. The first night I felt pretty good but didn't find any crime. The second night I was light-headed and I found a guy breaking into a car. He said it was his car but I didn't believe that shit. I punched him and he came back at me so I slashed him with my ferret claws. Fair's fair I probably slashed a bit too hard because he started bleeding real bad and just died. Anyway I ran home and I got to eat dinner because I'd done Ferret justice. I ate two whole boxes of Easy Mac and went to sleep. The next day I felt so good. I went out again and found a guy stealing mail and a guy who looked suspicious. I gave them Ferret justice and ate some fried chicken and Mountain Dew. The next night there were cops everywhere so I stayed in. The night after that too. I was getting hungry. After four nights I put on my Ferret costume anyway and went out anyway. I'd barely started looking for crime when the cops stopped me. Hey, what's the deal? I asked. Nothing here but a ferret fan who loves justice. As if there's any other kind. But they had other questions for me. Of course, I wasn't interested in working within the confines of the law. What, does Batman turn up for his shift? Does Spiderman take anyone’s shit? More importantly do ferrets? You ever seen a ferret with a boss? No fuckin' way. A ferret is long and wriggly. A ferret is beholden to no one but the tunnels. Anyway, I wriggled on out of there but it kinda meant things were hotter than ever. And I still hadn't eaten. I couldn't go home on account of the situation with the police so I went down to the canal and found a nice dry stormwater pipe. It was cosy and had great acoustics. I hissed and snarled a bunch until I was happy with how my hissing and snarling was sounding. It was embarrassing that I'd even tried to fight crime before I'd really nailed down my hissing and snarling. A superhero needs an audible calling card, like Batman's gravelly voice or the "shink" sound Wolverine's claws make when they come out. The other great thing about the pipe was that it was like a tunnel. Like a tunnel but made of concrete, which is essentially exactly what The Ferret's secret base would be like. Right? Aesthetic references to the source animal but reinforced with cutting edge human tech? Are you kidding? Am I wrong here? So it was basically perfect. I couldn't run the risk of being stopped by the lumbering institutions of the law before I'd had the chance to tangle with a bona fide supervillain so I laid low in the pipe for a few more days, maybe a week. I was getting real hungry so I practised by catching and eating some seagulls since I figured it was basically allowed under a more relaxed definition of my character. I had no idea what supervillains were out there or how to find them. I needed to do some serious research. I was open to relocating, if necessary, if another city had a supervillain who needed dealing with. Switching cities was generally frowned upon in superhero lore but who'd be the asshole if I had no supervillain to fight and another city had a supervillain with no hero to stop them and I did nothing? Me. Yeah. And I wasn't OK with that. I rolled my costume up and stuffed it into a backpack and headed downtown for observation/research but disappointingly the first cop I saw yelled and started chasing me. I ducked down a back alley and hid behind a bin and he ran right past. Just then I noticed that he hadn't radioed for backup. And he didn't have a partner. I was pretty sure all cops had to have a partner, which made this guy pretty suspicious. At best he was impersonating a police officer but at worst he was a supervillain's goon. I felt proud that the supervillain, whoever they were, had already caught wind of me and considered me enough of a threat to send their goons after me. I sprinted up behind the fake cop and tackled him. He hit the ground hard and I wrapped my thighs around his neck and snarled. "Tell me who you work for!" I squeaked. He couldn't talk super well on account of my thighs but I could've sworn that he gurgled "The Bunny", although it could have been "get off me". Either way it was exactly what one of The Bunny's henchmen would have said. I realised I'd never actually had the time to deliver a catchphrase to a criminal before, since all my previous punishments had been delivered in an active combat scenario. I flicked on my LED light eyes and hissed "Nighty night," which I didn't feel great about, to be truthful, since it didn't really have a strong thematic link to the character, but it wasn't like the goon was in any position to critique it. I slashed his face. In fairness it was only supposed to be a Zorro-style superficial wound that would scar in the shape of a permanent reminder that he'd tangled with The Ferret, but at the last second I lost my balance and leaned in a bit too much. I didn't want another one to die so I was actually leaning forward trying to stem the bleeding when the other cops ran around the corner, not gnawing on the guy as they claimed. Turned out he had called for backup. Doesn't mean he wasn't crooked. In any case, if the rumour got around that The Ferret was found gnawing on a crooked cop it'd pretty much increase my reputation on the streets. Once I busted out of prison. Which I will.

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

Warehouse of Prayers by Laura Kasischke

1. 

It’s dark in here. Please, let me out.

2.

No, I hear him say. I want to show you. And to see it, you have to stay.

3.

And, O, I saw it then. So many prayers. Who could answer them all? And yet

what god would have the heart to toss them out?

4.

Yes, he says, I know. It terrifies. The silence, and the din. The tremendous weight of them. It defies

anything you might think or say

about sound about size.

But, yes, of course. Of course I’ve kept them all.

5.

“We had gone for a walk in the dark.

Of all things, I was deeply in love with my husband! Then

something silent I couldn’t see crept out of the darkness, and bit his hand.”

6. 

The beauty of it. The great

beauty. The true beauty of it. The beauty beyond—

It’s 

bitten me. I’m bleeding.

7.

In the dark one night you felt around for your blue scarf. Its blue diffusion. Its shameless would-be sky. But it was gone.

Gone, with your watch, and your wallet, and those cheap beads. How

strange to understand, so suddenly

that none of it was yours. Not

a snippet, not a glimpse, not a bit, not

even the dust that had gathered

Amishly on it for years.

8.

And the green lawn rolls, and the green lawn rolls to the foot of it all, to the foot of it all

telling the story of a world created by a god, who wanted to be loved but did not like to talk.

9.

“We predicted this. Something

strapped to the chest of a child. Light pouring up from holes in the ground. A fountain

run dry, and a mild-mannered man on a rampage in July.

Still, we were confused. We

thought we’d looked for this trouble everywhere, and

never found a thing. We

believed there’d be more warning, despite the many warnings. We

deeply believed a mistake had been made.”

10. 

Then, in the morning, a mannequin sitting in the rain on the neighbor’s porch. The rain on the mannequin, like so many kisses bestowed upon a corpse.

11.

No. (He takes my hand. He opens a door.)

12.

Wow, I say. So this is all—

and this is the vault in which they’ve hoarded it.

All:

What is, what was, what will be—

added to in increments. (A skyful, a pocketful, a teaspoonful, a pinch.)

13.

And still, mostly vault.

14.

The blood and the bed. The basement full of blankets. The 

freezer full of meat. We

all will rise again, and all be dignified.

The vein straight through the center

of the leaf. The woody stem of a rose. The dark suburban fruit of mulberries on the lawn.

We will rise over it all, and all of it will still be here when we are gone.

15.

Hello. It’s me, Eurydice. I want to tell you about his eyes: Stupid

hopeful windows. You

idiot, I said. All this resurrection business just to have your dumb love-glance sideswipe me dead.

16.

Her boy, in the war, the gate, left open, the field full of flowers, the day, so cloudless, she couldn’t help but see the mysterious sense and emptiness of it: As a child, he was so quiet, you could have drawn a circle

around it with a piece of chalk.

You could have taken a bus to the edge of that silence, and stepped off

onto a sidewalk, made of time, and walked

for years and years, all through his childhood and still kept walking.

17.

This is the illegible scroll

on which Orpheus’ reply was written.

This

is the book, thrown from the window.

A cough.

A broken telephone.

A few notes of a song.

18.

And a woman sobbing in a hospital gown, Not fair. Just this one body, and not even the body I wanted, and still it clings to me weeping when I have to leave. Not fair.

19.

“Eurydice? Eurydice? Are you there?”

20.

RSVP: She

will not be arriving by ship of by plane. No car door slamming. No

driver to be paid. She will not be walking. Neither shall she run. Thank you for asking, but she can’t come.

21.

Please, please, please, sweetheart,

pick up the fucking phone if you’re there

22.

“The Czar was killed on the spot, as

were the Empress and the Grand Duchess Olga, neither of whom could finish making the sign of the cross.

But the daughters

wore corsets

lined with jewels. For long moments the bullets, fired at their chests,

ricocheted around the room.”

23.

Please?

24.

One day I saw the divorcée take a letter from her ex-husband.           Briefly, his fingertips touched hers, and then she slipped the letter into her purse:

But, O, that purse, full of old pleasure, and that letter. Memory, like a dark hole full of feathers.

25.

“Lust, that goat in violets. Those violets like so much tenderness

scattered in the grass. Love,

that rusty chain dragging you home through your past.”

26.

A woman turns at church in her pew and tell me before the organ starts up, “I know a story about your house.”

27.

Oh? Yes?

28.

“In the forties, a farmer named Elmer Barow, in your kitchen, shot himself.”

29.

Oh, I thought, I know. I know. Time,

passing, all along— the hum of the cobwebs in the corners crocheting their intricate shrouds. The

dripping of the faucet. The blackened toast. Of

course, when we sat down at the table with our heads bowed, that

was him listening in on our prayers— Elmer

Barow with a rifle in his mouth.

30.

Always that

flash of desire, always

in the way (that

gray cat sleeping in the driveway, those

teenage girls bathing in a pond of bees)— that’s

what’s left of the freedom God had to make us, or remain free.

31.

Eurydice?

32.

In winter a woman I work with gets the idea that her hands are poisoned. She can’t touch anything anymore. She wears

gloves to bed, in case, in her sleep—

33.

No, E., of course, your hands aren’t poisoned. You cannot kill your children if you stroke their hair. You

know this, you know it.

34.

But, suddenly, gradually, myself—

everything I touch, there’s—

35.

There’s something wrong. (Not that. But something.) I

spend hours trying not to think about the something, but it’s

always there

in the shadowy tissue, in the silvery microscopic gloom, the lazy fluid slip of it, which,

released by love, billows loosely around the cerebral cortex—

a poisoned flume.

36.

Then—?

37.

“And then the day is over, and the—”

38.

And the day is over.

And in the dark I hear God say,

Laura, go ahead and pray.

39.

Okay.

40.

Okay. I— Okay. I—

Dear God, I—

offer up this prayer of dryer lint and hair.

41.

Orpheus here in a cellar made of glass. In it, with me, a blizzard of small black words. I

am sending this message to you from the world, but “This is a message from the world” is all it says.

42.

“Oh, to the teeth, sweetness is the medium, but the message is decay. Like

the soul, a hunch, wrapped in disintegration. Sweater

wool, skin cells, carpet fibers, ash, a gray

breeze: Virus,

and pollen, and ourselves

blown to breathing pieces.”

43.

And then at the petting zoo I knew

animal terror for the first time. Animal

despair: The trembling of the lamb under my trembling hand.

44.

Suddenly, God answers me!

I am made of the same thing you are, after all, and you

are made of me:

Some darkness, a supplication, a moral silence breezing

over the glassy stubble in a vacant field.

45.

“And let us not forget the petty prayers. The insatiable hunger of seagulls. The sunset

in the blood, and those

birds turning

in on themselves. Crying, reeling, happiest hungry. Let us be

you amphetamines! they scream. The market

full of fruit out of season. The locked

door of the embassy. The high

gate surrounding spring:

Please, God, I want all of it for me.”

46.

To: Orpheus Fr: Eurydice Re: Death

The babble. The cold, teeming, intangible hotel.

47.

God, do your hear that? That

bit of stitching in the wind? It unravels when you listen. Listen.

48.

The Debt Birds screeching, Insufficient! Someone shoveling snow onto a fire. A figure in a black suit swinging a lantern through the dark

in arcs, coming closer, and closer.

And my mother standing by the lilac

(the lilac, which is the suburb’s lyric poem

about death) talking

to a man she never met. I

overhear him say, Whatever

crazy sorrow saith.

49. 

“No one was crying, no one was bleeding, but the mail had been dumped in the street, and

someone’s husband a few blocks over was shouting loudly about accountability.

Shadows stuffed into envelopes— as when the forest creeps to the edge of the freeway, perfectly tamed, finally revealed,

and the wild illegal animals people keep as pets,

escape, are seen.”

50.

Jesus Christ, this stuff is everywhere!

51.

Excuse me.

I couldn’t help but overhear your prayer...

52.

“What the bloody hell is this? Someone must have written down every word ever said, then

shredded every word ever written.”

53. 

O, honey, O, lovely, O, please. It’s me,

Orpheaus, again, Eurydice.

54.

“Okay, now what we need here is a warehouse, or an abyss. Which one of you guys can get on this—

ASAP?”

55.

Like

trying to hold fire. Like

trying to hold perfume. Like

wearing fog to work. Like

stoppering a bottleful of light—

trying to talk to God.

56.

“Hello. Yeah. It’s me. Is he in? We’ve got a major mess on our           hands.”

57.

“Shit. Shit. Is he ever in?”

58.

Like stoppering a bottleful of light. Like wearing fog to work. Like trying to hold perfume. Like

trying to hold fire—

to make the simplest goddamned contact with—

59.

O, wait, look after all— that

warehouse, that

abyss, and

a beautiful naked stranger diligently trying

to ladle the oceans into it.

[idealistsinc]

19 // where the heart is

wc: 1,338 content warning: fluff, but some sexually suggestive themes because...it’s vhox

Afterward, they lay with their limbs tangled under the sheets. The brackish smell of seaweed stirred the air through the open window, making the candle gutter. Rin thought without much conviction at all that he should get up to close it, but the warm and steady weight of Vhox’s arm about his waist was enough persuasion not to, and he listened instead to the sea’s rhythmic, gentle froth against the rocks far below, lulled.

“Comfortable?” said Vhox, trailing kisses along the ridge of Rin’s spine.

“How on Hydaelyn could I be comfortable?” said Rin. He stretched languidly and looked about for something to complain over, as was customary; his eye settled on a suspicious stain on the mattress that he was almost sure they hadn’t put there. “I dread to think what’s on these sheets.”

“Cum. Prob’ly piss.” Vhox, unbothered, continued his slow exploration to the space between Rin’s shoulderblades. Rin shivered theatrically—and not at all because of the way Vhox’s warm breath sighed against bare skin.

“And here I am paying perfectly good gil for the privilege of using this establishment’s bed. Highway robbery. I ought to stop paying them.”

He felt Vhox smile. “Goin’ to join me on the wrong side o’th’ law?” he said, flicking his tongue very deliberately at the nape of Rin’s neck and nearly making Rin lose his train of thought altogether.

“No.” Rin took a breath, forcibly railroading his mind back on track. “I was rather thinking my gil could be better spent. On—on a room of my own, perhaps.”

Truthfully, Rin had been measuring the idea in his head for some moons, at least since he had thrown out the package that was Senan’s final fuck-you correspondence to his errant sons; he had been living a vagrant, bounced between Walcher’s sofa and the straw-stuffed mattress on Luma’s floor, for the better part of a turn. Perhaps one day, he always told himself. He didn’t necessarily mind his living arrangement, and he might have continued on as he was if not for the table orchestrion he had seen in Hawkers’ Alley a fortnight past.

It was beautiful, all stained birch finishing and aurum regis inlay. Rin daydreamed for days about it, about an oak gateleg table he might have it on, about an etagere of his own where he might display the meager collection of orchestrion rolls he had managed to save and his much-abused violin, currently housed on one of Walcher’s leaning shelves among the miscellany. He was by no means rich, but he had gil enough for a few things here and there; and he had spent three bells counting up his savings before he realized that, in the space of an instant, perhaps one day had become why not now?

The change in Rin’s tone caught Vhox’s attention. Rin felt his tail twitch against his calf. “Here in Limsa?” he said, craning his head over Rin’s shoulder as though to try to see his face. “I thought you wanted to stay o’er with your brother in Ul’dah.”

“In the city proper or in Eastern La Noscea, yes,” Rin said. “Isha’a and Walcher will do just fine without me, and—well, Kallu is nearly old enough for schooling. If I live here, I can work full-time at Maelvaan’s Gate and contribute to his tuition.”

That was certainly reason enough…but it wasn’t the real one, truly, because when Rin imagined what life might be like in Limsa Lominsa, he didn’t imagine the arcanists’ guild. He imagined the fresh green of Kallu’s eyes on those hazy afternoons they’d spent on the beach among the saltspray and seagulls, watching passing vessels while his nephew announced their proper names with all the gravitas of a true captain (“That one’s a barque! You can tell ‘cus it has three masts and they’re all squareish. Do y’see it?”). He imagined Luma reclined on that overstuffed and threadbare sofa after a long day, her hair tied up, laughing so hard and helplessly she flushed. He imagined…

Well. Vhox was not irrelevant to his desire to stay in Limsa, to put it one way.

“So it’d be a…permanent thing,” said Vhox, unreadably.

Rin had told Isha’a first, to check himself against someone who was not so deeply involved or easily swayed. Isha’a asked him only one question: “Why do you want to move there?”

And Rin had confessed, finally, “I’m…I’m happy there, I think.”

Limsa Lominsa was a seedy, seedy town. He had hated it at first, this city infested with pirates, beset by mold, and wracked by storms so violent they shook the nails from the docks—but it was after the storms passed that the sun always shone its brightest. Limsa Lominsa, its food so spicy it scalded his tongue and evacuated his sinuses, its ale so rich he could nearly taste the soil in which the barley had grown, its music so lively it made his heart thrum, and its people…

Rough about the edges, yes. Liars and thieves and rogues, certainly. A people with crooked teeth and too many scars, a people who ate well, drank well, fought well, and laughed well, a people so spirited and interesting and painfully, blissfully alive—

Rin was not just happy; he was entirely in love.

“Yes,” said Rin. “Yes, I expect it would be permanent.”

He and Vhox’s relationship felt still in its infancy at times, their steps uncertain in new, intimate territory. But Rin would not have himself fail to say what he wanted, not anymore. He turned over in his arms to face him, more for Vhox’s benefit than his own, and added very clearly so that there could be no doubt at all of his intention, “You would be welcome to live with me, if you’d like to.”

Vhox tensed at once, with the wild, hunted eyes of a cornered animal. Rin forced himself not to react. It was a knee-jerk reflex, nothing more; and indeed, after a few long heartbeats, Vhox let out a breath and released Rin to roll over on his back. Thinking—considering. It was a good sign that he hadn’t refused out of hand, but Rin’s heart still thudded a little unevenly, worrying.

“‘s not such a good idea,” said Vhox, “y’know, with sailin’. I’d be floatin’ all over creation, showin’ up all ‘ours o’th’ night in all kinds o’states—an’ I can’t pay half th’ rent.”

All the while, Vhox couldn’t seem to look straight at him. If Rin actually thought he meant it, he would have let it be, but…Rin knew that wariness. Vhox was giving him excuses, giving Rin avenues to back out of the offer he’d made. You don’t want to do this. You don’t want to live with me, really.

Of course, Rin very much did. It wasn’t only the city he was hopelessly in love with, after all.

“Then think of it as a harbor,” said Rin, “for when you are in town. I have a vested interest in keeping your arse off the street—at all hours, in all states.” His lips quirked. “As a wise man once told me, ‘Cleaning up after drunk guys is my kink.’”

That was not the kind of state Vhox meant, and Rin knew it. But it got Vhox to snort, got him to stop looking for the scar that ran the length of Rin’s forearm, got him to say, finally, “I’ll ‘elp you get a place. I might know of somethin’ over in Bloodshore, if you’re in’erested.” His gaze flickered to Rin’s face, searching. “An’ I’ll…I’ll be around.”

Not a yes…but not a no, either. Something bubbly as foam rose in Rin’s chest, and he leaned over to kiss him, humming when Vhox relaxed at his touch and—

Vhox pulled away a little, blinking. “You’re purring,” he said.

Rin sat up rigidly. I haven’t done that in— “No, I’m not,” said Rin, flushing, and then flushing more when Vhox raised his eyebrows at him and grinned.

But he was.

And actually, once he’d started, there wasn’t a reason to stop.

vhox belongs to @mimiorzea

[flourchildwrites]

Witch, Please!  Fictober 2019  (9/31)

A multi-fandom Fictober prompt compilation.  Your wish is my command, but be careful what you ask for.  You just might get it.

Prompt:  “Shipwrecked” from Writetober 2019 Prompt List

Fandom:  Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)

Relationship/Pairing:  Team Mustang starring Riza Hawkeye, Implied Royai

Genre:  Alternate Universe - Pirate

Rating:  Teen And Up Audiences

Word Count:  1,507 words

Read on AO3

Riza Hawkeye's first memories were of the sea.

She remembered her mother pulling her up to peer over the bow of their ship, the Lady Elizabeth. The salt air had stung the young girl’s round face and caught the wispy ends of her dirty blonde hair. But even from the tender age of five, Riza saw freedom hanging just beyond the horizon, and she never once yearned for life on dry land. It was fair to say that Hawkeye earned her sea legs before she even learned to walk, born below deck and raised in the captain's quarters alongside a cabin boy who would one day become king of her floating castle.

At first, Riza resented her father’s deathbed decision to name Roy Mustang the captain and she the sailing master. By rights, the Lady Elizabeth was her property, but with time, she began to understand Berthold’s twisted, if accurate, logic. Captain Mustang had a dashing persona and an innate understanding of the way the world worked both at port and sea. He wielded his charism like a weapon, narrowly escaping one close call after another while Hawkeye tended to reply on the pistol tucked into her sash and the dagger hidden in her boot.

On nights like this one, Riza marveled at the way the crew responded to Captain Mustang’s confidence, even as she knew their ship was all but lost.

Lightning cracked the sky overhead as its tendrils cut the darkness to pieces. The weather had turned quickly, leaving precious little time to secure the sails and batten down the hatches, much less head further out to the open sea. Tempest winds rocked the ship back and forth, and the ship's sturdy planks groaned with the effort of resisting the melee.

“Tether yourselves to the ship,” Captain Mustang called out, “and get Furey down from the rafters.”

Disregarding his own well being, Quartermaster Havoc wrapped a length of rope around Hawkeye’s waist as she gripped the ship’s wheel and heaved it back into position. Overhead, Kain Fuery flew like a sparrow amongst the sails, as lithe as a dancer with the hardened edge of a seasoned boatswain. Only the young Elric brothers could hope to match his agility.

“Should we drop anchors, Captain?” Edward yelled. His pitchy voice strained against the wind and rain.

“Aye, do it now!”

No sooner than the word was given than Riza heard the telltale sound of metal scratching the deck and chains plummeting into the depths. For a split second, Hawkeye glanced in her captain’s direction and graced him with a stern but approving nod. They were going to make it. The storm would not…

No sooner had Roy’s onyx eyes met’s Riza’s copper gaze than the boat lurched, side-swept by the changeable tide. Wind battered the Lady Elizabeth’s starboard side, and the chain securing the anchors strained under the pressure, working against the vessel's integrity. It was then that both the captain and his sailing master remembered the damaged mainsail as well as the purpose of their journey to Tortuga — much-needed repairs. Another gust struck the ship sideways, and the Lady Elizabeth began to falter, her rafters snapped and the craft started to fall to ruin. In a split second, Hawkeye made a decision, communicated to her captain with little more than a look as the crew’s bodies were thrown about the tipping ship heading sidelong toward the craggy coastline.

“Abandon ship!”

Experienced sailors readied the rowboats, tossing supplies and helping injured crewmates into the smaller crafts. Riza’s hands tightened on the wheel even as she untied the tether at her waist. Hawkeye braced herself for as long as she could against the pull of the tide.

A flash of green caught Hawkeye’s sharp eye, and she glanced sideways to spy the ship’s quartermaster wedged beneath a pile of fallen debris. The bright green sash given to him by his sweetheart fluttered in the gale-force winds. Jean Havoc struggled to free his legs. His panic-stricken face paled as fresh blood painted the deck.

Hawkeye moved without the memory of deciding to do so. Her boots pounded against the worn planks as her spirit raged against the storm. All the while, she thought to herself that it was bad enough to lose her mother's ship. She refused to lose Jean as well, a crewmate and her friend.

“Havoc,” Riza cried as she reached him and pushed the wreckage from his legs. "We've got to go!"

Grabbing the muscled man under his arms and hoisting him upward, Riza helped him to the port side of the ship, closest to the shore. Both seafarers gripped the banister and looked down at the last remaining rowboat as a sickening crack sounded from above and the mainsail finally gave way.

“JUMP!”

For a moment, Riza felt her body suspended in midair alongside the injured quartermaster, and during those precious seconds, she traveled back in time. Gone was the wind whipping her loose shirt and pull of trousers skimming the contours of her legs. The pistol at the young woman’s waist fell away, and it was replaced by a child’s coin purse stuffed full of spending money for the market at Riza's favorite seaside town.

When Riza looked down, she did not see Captain Mustang. Instead, her mind's eye conjured images of 16-year-old Roy, dirty-faced but strong and freshly promoted to a full-fledged crewmate. The mischievous dark-haired boy laughed as he waited with open arms to catch her, and Riza trusted that he would let her fall. She knew they would find their way again, however hard they had to work to resurrect the Lady Elizabeth from Poseidon's grasp.

...

“Roy!”

Riza awoke with a start and sat up suddenly, clutching a bandaged area around her chest. She gasped for breath as her mind reeled, pulled unceremoniously from the unpredictable waters of the Carribean to a soft bed in a small room adorned with lace curtains that fluttered in the gentle breeze.

In the corner of the room, a familiar figure dozed in a moth-eaten armchair. Roy’s head lolled against the wall. His clothes seemed fresh-pressed and dry though his arm was bandaged and hung in a sling.

“Easy does it, girl,” a gravely female voice sounded from Riza’s bedside, accompanied by heavy footsteps against the house’s wooden floor. “You took quite a knock on the head and broke a few ribs in your fall, I suspect. Roy-boy brought you and the rest of the crew here last night. You’ve all been lucky to wreck so close to Tortuga. All except for that blond boy. Shame that, with a body like his.”

“You mean Havoc,” Riza interjected. “Did he… Is he…”

The older lady sighed and placed a basin of water on Riza’s bedside table. Even under the pressure of Riza’s unspoken inquiries, she took her time. The woman straightened up and tucked a lock of dark hair behind her bejeweled ear. The deep lines of her aged face betrayed no emotion.

“He’s alive if that’s what you asking,” she clarified, “but I can’t say he’ll walk again. Now, clean yourself up. I’ll send Madeline in to check your wounds and redress them if necessary. Unless, of course, you’d like Roy-boy to do it. He was very insistent that no one see your back.”

At the mention of her tattoo, Riza laid back. She pressed her neck against the pillows and swallowed hard. Briefly, she searched the older woman’s face for a sign of recognition and marveled that Roy would expose the map to anyone outside their small circle of trusted equals. It was said that Van Hohenheim’s treasure was without compare, containing treasure greater than gold that could reverse death itself. Roy sought it for his departed best friend and Riza for her mother.

In response, the women merely chuckled. “Smart girl. I wouldn't trust me either,” she said, turning her back to Riza and walking toward the door, “but in this case, I think we’d both be proven wrong. They call me Madame Christmas around these parts, but you can call me Chris Mustang.”

She thrust the door of the room open, ushering in sights and sounds from the tavern below. From her perch on the bed, Riza spied a few familiar figures moving with ease around the barroom. Riza breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the comforting sound of Heymans Breda’s fiddle, Alex Armstrong’s boisterous laugh and the Elrics squabbling over the merry ruckus. The smell of beer and freshly baked bread soothed her senses as effectively as the gentle lapping of calm waves against the shore.

“Welcome to The Prodigal Son Tavern and Inn, Miss Hawkeye,” Chris announced. She threw a softer glance in Roy’s direction as he snoozed peacefully through the hubbub. “It’s nice to have its namesake back again.”

And though Riza missed the sound of seagulls and feel of the sun on her freckled skin, she was content that the Lady Elizabeth’s grand misadventure had somehow lead her to a place that felt like home.

A/N:  When I saw the shipwrecked prompt, I had to do this even though I know nothing about sailing. This chapter is heavily inspired by @tomochingus' ridiculously amazing Pirate AU art. No, I did not ask permission to write this. Yes, I do feel a little bad about that, and if anyone if upset at me, I am sorry. I just really wanted to share this! As always, please send me pairing requests for particular Fictober prompts through my tumblr. I've got one prompt (YAY), and I'll be working on it soon. Otherwise, if you read something you like, let me know. Your kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, comments, likes and reblogs mean so much to me.

[fandima-moved-read-pinned]

Would it be awesome to see you do all 100 asks? Yes. Will you do them? We shall see.

Wanna bet 

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - More cereal than milk! 

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?- No, actually. I hate the cold ^^' And if there's cold air on my cheeks then it's on my nose and that's no good 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - Usually a post it note! Not very random, but it's normally what I have on hand. 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? - Depends on my mood! Sometimes I'll take my coffee black, other times ill add a fricc ton of creamer, whipped cream, and sugar. Also sometimes I mix coffee with hot chocolate and it's amazing. 

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? - Very. 

6: do you keep plants? - Always. I still have the carnations from Valentines Day (which surprisingly haven't died yet) 

7: do you name your plants? - Nope. 

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - just a mechanical pencil or a graphite pencil. They usually end up being sketches. But if I like how it looks I'll go over them in pen. 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? - Yes and no? I'd do it more often but I don't want anyone to hear me. Especially my mom. 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? - Side, always facing the wall. 

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? - The only one I can think of off the top of my head is *slap slap slap* *jumps out window*. No I will not explain. 

12: what’s your favorite planet? - Pluto! Or Make Make. Make Make used to be my favorite because me and my brother would pronounce it wrong on purpose. But Pluto is ver pretty. 

13: what’s something that made you smile today? - seeing my brother's reaction to his birthday present from me! I made a little felt monkey with bushy eyebrows (I needle felted it) 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - Probably very messy. But also it would constantly smell like food! 

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - Mars is shrinking. It is Smol. 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? - Fettuccine Alfredo with Shrimp! It's what I usually ordered at Olive Garden until I found out that it was expensive and was probably stressing out my parents. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? - Don't laugh okay but pink! I want to dye the bottom half of my hair bright freaking pink. Like hot pink. 

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - That time I slapped a guy twice for picking me up. That guy was my best friend. He picked me up from behind and I sorta whipped around and slapped him. The first time he didn't put me down, he just laughed. So I slapped him again. He got the hint. 

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?- I don't. I tried a while back, but I figured it would be easier just to talk to people about my issues instead of writing them down. 

20: what’s your favorite eye color? - Green. Or dark brown. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - Not sure what this means, sorry. I've got this pencil pouch that has a tree print on it that I've used for a few years now even though it has a hole it it. Does that count? 

22: are you a morning person? - No. I wake up at 5:30 am on weekdays and usually don't get out of bed until I have ten minutes to get ready and leave. 

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - Stay in my room and draw! Although I don't have lazy days. Every time my mom comes upstairs I immediately start cleaning because if I don't she'll yell at me for being lazy. 

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? - Yes. Take a look at who sent this ask. Also my other two online friends! One of them I spam with worms on a string and the other I just know I can trust and I don't know why. 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - the only place I've broken into is my own house. I had to climb the backyard fence to go through the back door because me and my brother forgot our keys. 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - My plain black tennis shoes. I need to get new ones because these ones are old and barely fit but every time I mention it, it's like I never said a word. 

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - Candy Cane! 

28: sunrise or sunset? - Sunset! I get to see the sun setting behind the Rocky Mountains and it's really pretty. 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? - exist 

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - Yes. I'd rather not talk about it. 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - socks can burn in hell for all I care. I hate socks. I only wear them if I have to (like while wearing shoes) 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - I remember being at a sleepover a few days before I moved (this was in South Korea) and I woke up at 3:34 am (yes I remember the time don't ask why) because one of my friends was playing Megalovania on the keyboard. Then she turned around and asked who the hell took her pretzels. They were under her pillow. 

33: what’s your fave pastry? - c w a s o a n t (with jelly inside!) 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? - I still have this stuffed animal now (I have all of my stuffed animals. I haven't brought myself to get rid of them). It's a little pink blanket with a bunny head named Squeek. Not Squeak. I didn't know how to spell that. 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - No. I don't have any. 

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? - https://youtu.be/7TqLXIBG-6g   not a band but still

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - Messy! It may sound strange, but I can't find anything when it's clean. It also feels empty unless I've got stuff all over the floor. 

38: tell us about your pet peeves! - When I tell remind someone of the rules and they say "okay" and continue breaking them. Like we aren't supposed to put pans in the dishwasher because it ruins the pans. Yet my brother always puts them in there. I remind him and take it out, and he says "okay" and puts it back. I also hate it when I ask someone to stop doing something (usually when it's making me nervous or upset) and they ask "WhY?" in a really annoying tone and keep doing it. I ALSO hate it when I'm in charge and yet no one listens to me. 

I also don't like it when no one says thank you. It makes it seem like they don't appreciate me. 

39: what color do you wear the most? - Grey. I want to wear colorful clothes but the last time we went clothes shopping and I asked for pastel colors, I walked out of the store with grey, light grey, brown, and dark blue clothes. 

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? - I have a locket that I made for my seventh birthday. It has little charms in it (a rose, my first initial, a heart key, and a birthday cake) and it's gold. I love it and I don't know why. 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? - There's a book series that I don't remember the name of but it's about a girl who is forcibly turned into a siren by three other sirens. She has to eat human hearts to live. It's kinda gorey, kinda romantic, lots of action. I love it. 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! - Unfortunately no, I usually get coffee at a gas station ^^' 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? - My dog Freyja! Whenever I take out trash, she comes with, and when the sky is clear I like to point out the starts with her before we go back inside. She's very sweet. But I can't stargaze for more than a minute. 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? - Last year I went on a trip to Florida to stay with my grandparents for a week. I remember waking up one morning with a beautiful view of the ocean and the sound of waves crashing onto the shore. My grandparents have an apartment of sorts that faces the Atlantic and you can literally go down the stairs and go swim in the ocean if you want to, it's like a two minute walk, not even. I love the ocean and the sound of waves and seagulls is always calming to me. But my house is very loud and there's no peace here. 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? - Yes. When I have a bad feeling about something, I address it. It's not always true, but I don't want to risk anything. 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. - Sorry, I don't know many puns. I guess I'm just not a pun-ny person. 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - fucking macaroni with bread crumsb that shit is nasty af 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - Storms, especially tornados. Now my biggest fear is death. Whether I'm the one dying or its someone I care about. 

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? - Not really, I don't have money to buy anything ^^' Even when I do have money, I spend it on art stuff. That reminds me that I need to fix my radio. 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? - Fabric. I have so much and I don't even use it. But when I see a nice fabric, I get it (if I have money). 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? - 'Old Timer Rock and Roll' (probably not the name of it) always reminds me of my dad. One day we were driving in his Jeep, just us two, and I mentioned that I wasn't a fan of the music on the radio. We ended up compromising and that song was the first one on the radio station that we switched to. 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? - I am unfortunately not up to date with the memes. Although the ones where it's like "you've mc-ed your last Donald" or "you've ratted your last tatouille" always make me exhale aggressively. 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? - None of the above! I've been wanting to watch Heather's though. I just never get around to doing it. 

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? - My brother. Not the same one from before. 

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? - nothing, sorry. I'm not very dramatic. 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? - when they pour their heart out about a certain subject that they love. I know a lot of people tend to bottle up their opinions but when someone trusts me aniugh to tell me all about it, it's just sorta nice. 

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? - I just sorta spaced out for the first have then did a little dance for the rest of it. I love the line "I see a little silhouetto of a man" and it's more upbeat and the music just makes me dance a little 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - bold of you to assume I have a group of friends 

59: what’s your favorite myth? - There's this one I heard as a kid that involves a faceless girl on the side of a highway who tries to steal faces. 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? - I can't think of any off the top of my head, but poetry is nice! 

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? - I don't really remember. I try to only give gifts that are meaningful. 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? - nope! I usually drink milk! 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? - I usually leave my music to its own devices, but all the books are organized by series and genre. 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? - Blue! Just any other afternoon sky. 

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? - My older brother. We don't get to talk much. 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? - Colorful, with a few white flowers! 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? - Those are usually the days that I don't feel anything. 

68: what’s winter like where you live? - The weather is all over the place. A little snow, then the next day, it's like 60°F. Not even joking. It snowed Friday and Saturday was warm. 

69: what are your favorite board games? - Monopoly and Battleship! 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? - No, but I really want to. But my dad won't let me. 

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? - I don't really drink tea, sorry! 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? - Nope. I'll forget it anyway. I usually set alarms for certain things but then I don't do it. 

73: what are some of your worst habits? - Biting the inside of my cheek and scratching/pinching my arm when I'm nervous. 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. - kind, a good listener, talented, and understanding 

75: tell us about your pets! - We have four dogs. There's Emrys (the dog I've posted pictures of before), Cirilla (a husky German Shepard mix, very sweet), Cayde-6 (a Rottweiler mix I think, super energetic, loud, and steals food off the counter even when someone is watching), and Freyja (a German Shepard mix, puppy, also very sweet! She knows the phrase 'give hugs' and she always comes with me to take out the trash for whatever reason). I also have a Guinea Pig (who I want to get a friend for because she's lonely, but my parents keep saying no) names Neo. 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? - Working on my Someconsious series, cleaning, and probably checking in with some friends. 

77: pink or yellow lemonade? - Pink 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or Fan club? - Hate club. I don't like them. They're just annoying and bright and their language is stupid to me. 

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? - One of my exes surprised me with a cars and roses out of nowhere. It wasn't Valentines Day, it wasn't my birthday, he just went out of his way to do something nice for me when I was having a rough week. 

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? - They're a sort of off white. I want to paint them light lavender or pale blue but my parents have only painted the living room and refuse to paint anywhere else for whatever reason. I know we can afford paint, I know we have time. They just stopped caring. 

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. - Not sure what it means by abstract, but I'll try. Her eyes are similar to the bottom of a small river. The brown in the middle with green rings on the edges remind me of a river I used to go fishing in back in Oklahoma. 

82: are/were you good in school? - I'm okay. I have all A's and B's, but I have easy subjects that aren't very hard. 

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? - I don't really listen to albums, my music taste is mostly individual songs. Even then I don't really pay attention to the art. 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? - I want to get a quote of sort on my ankle. Something in another language so I can tell them it means something mysterious and deep when in reality it's the description of a toaster oven that hasn't been cleaned since 1995.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? - I read a few webcomics if that counts! I like Castle Swimmer a lot! Gay fish bapeys are best fish bapeys. 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? - I don't know what those are, sorry 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? - The Princess Bride and the Last Unicorn. But I'm biased because they're both a part of my childhood. 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? - not in particular! 

89: are you close to your parents? - I'm only close with my dad. My stepmom can go fuck herself. She just told us that's she'll be making a schedule for the next two weeks because there won't be school. One of the weeks was spring break anyway! We aren't missing much! 

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. - I like Palm Beach in Florida! It's fairly quiet, right next to the ocean, and filled with retired people who are all really nice. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? - Nowhere, we don't travel much. I really want to go to Florida again though. 

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? - I don't add cheese at all! It sort of ruins the texture for me. Especially the grated sprinkle cheese stuff l. I hate now it feels. 

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? - I just keep my hair down. I don't like it in any other way. 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? - My brother. His birthday is today! 

95: what are your plans for this weekend? - cry a lot cry some more lose feelings for a few hours draw watch YouTube art videos then try not to yell at my mom like I did last week

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? - I just get it over with so I can do whatever needs to be done. Or I schedule it for when I'm not going to be using it. 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? - INFP-T/Mediator, Scorpio, and Hufflepuff 

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?- A few weeks ago. And no, I did not enjoy it considering I was supposed to be working on an important project that day. 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. - Where We Started, If You're Going Through Hell, and We Like to Numb (a mix of We Like to Party and Numb) 

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? - Future. In five years I plan on being in college and I want to see what I should be prepared for and if my interests have changed. 

This took me at least an hour and a half. Thank you though! I 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever watched the show “Clean House”? Nope. Never even heard of it.

Do you have a dining room in your house? Yes, but we don’t use it for that.

Do you still sleep with stuffed animals? I have a few that sit on my bed.

Do you have trouble letting things from your past go? Yeppp.

What color is your hair? Naturally it’s dark brown, but I dye it red.

Can you cut your own hair without messing up? I wouldn’t try. I used to trim my bangs back when I had ‘em, but that’s all I’d do.

Do you cling onto material items? I am pretty attached to my laptop.

Do you know the alphabet in any other languages? Español.

Can you speak more than one language? Only very little Spanish.

Do you feel at peace with yourself? Not at all.

Is drinking water out of the sink gross? I don’t like tap water.

Are there any cows around you? No.

Do you give up easily? I’ve given up these past few years. :/

What are your thoughts on human creation? I believe in God.

Do you collect anything? Giraffe stuffed animals and keychains.

Are you currently engaged? Nooo.

Do you have a waterbed? Nope.

What is something you’re craving right now? Nothing at the moment.

Do you know anyone that looks like a pidgeon? Uh, no. 

Do you feed the seagulls at the beach? Nooo. You really shouldn’t do that. 

How many pairs of socks do you own? Several.

Did your parents attent Woodstock 1969? No.

Do you read the newspaper regularly? I read the news online.

Do you try to have fun in life? I don’t do a whole lot these days.

Do you remember the 90’s? A lot of stuff, yeah. Even stuff I was too young for at the time I feel like I remember because I got into it when I was old enough. I’m still obsessed with the 90s.

If you have to die, how would you want to die? Blah.

Do you think they should make silent vacuum cleaners? That’d be nice.

Do you always have to have the last word in an argument? No.

How many children do you want to have? Zero.

How do you feel about dieting? Eh.

Is it possible to stop talking for forever? It happens to people who lose their voice from vocal damage or something.

Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine. And after years of being on prescription pain meds for several years, you develop a dependency. 

Do you get pissed off when your computer freezes? Thankfully this one hasn’t done that so far, but yeah that is incredibly annoying. How many people have you had sex with? Zero.

D o you think prostitution was illegal? It is.

What is one thing that makes you madder than ever? People who abuse other people and animals.

Do you know anyone named Stephanie? Myself.

Are you afraid of needles? I’m afraid of having one injected into me.

Is it hard for you to go out of the house without makeup? Ha, apparently not since I always do. Once upon time that would have never happened.

Which Email Client do you think is the best? I use Yahoo and it works fine.

Are you any good at giving advice? I don’t feel I am anymore. I used to always be the one people came to for advice and I loved helping people. I’m definitely not the one anyone should come to now.

How long are your eyelashes? They’re long enough I guess *shrug* I don’t care.

Do you get made fun of for your height? No.

Do you believe that the number of friends you have determines how happy u r Definitely not.

Do you have mental limitations? Doesn’t everyone?

Are you honest with people? Mostly. There’s some things I downplay or omit.

Do you feel as though you can improve yourself? Oh I could use a lot of improvement. 

Have you ever made yourself look stupid? I don’t have to try.

Is duct tape interesting? No. 

How much time do you put into your apperance? Not much.

Have you ever had a yard sale? No.

Do you read a lot? Not lately. I want to start up again.

Have you ever been surfing? No.

[eldritchsurveys]

383.

Have you ever watched the show "Clean House"? >> No.

Do you have a dining room in your house? >> There’s an... area... that could be considered a dining area, but we don’t use it like that.

Do you still sleep with stuffed animals? >> Sure.

Do you have trouble letting things from your past go? >> Not really.

What color is your hair? >> Dark brown.

Can you cut your own hair without messing up? >> Yeah. My default style is a buzzcut and that’s really difficult to fuck up.

Do you cling onto material items? >> No. I’m the first person to throw some shit away, lmao. I consider it a superpower.

Do you know the alphabet in any other languages? >> No.

Can you speak more than one language? >> Not fluently.

Do you feel at peace with yourself? >> Kind of, yeah? Like, it feels weird to say that because that’s supposed to be a thing that people are Striving For Their Whole Life or whatever, but honestly, I don’t think it’s all that god damn difficult. (Or maybe that’s another superpower~)

Is drinking water out of the sink gross? >> No???

Are there any cows around you? >> No.

Do you give up easily? >> That depends on what I’m giving up.

What are your thoughts on human creation? >> Pretty lit.

Do you collect anything? >> No.

Are you currently engaged? >> Yes.

Do you have a waterbed? >> No. But every time I think about waterbeds, I remember the Groundhog Day-esque episode of The X-Files where every time the day resets, Mulder wakes up on his waterbed that has sprung a leak and is leaking into the downstairs apartments.

What is something you're craving right now? >> Nothing.

Do you know anyone that looks like a pidgeon? >> LOL no.

Do you feed the seagulls at the beach? >> Sometimes I throw food at them to watch them go apeshit over it, but generally no.

How many pairs of socks do you own? >> Not enough.

Did your parents attent Woodstock 1969? >> ---

Do you read the newspaper regularly? >> No.

Do you try to have fun in life? >> I do.

Do you remember the 90's? >> I remember the latter half.

If you have to die, how would you want to die? >> The best way to get rid of me is to take me out in my sleep. I don’t want to know a thing.

Do you think they should make silent vacuum cleaners? >> I sure the fuck do.

Do you always have to have the last word in an argument? >> No. Lately I’ve actually grown quite fond of just walking away from an argument as soon as it starts getting ridiculous. Why bother?

How many children do you want to have? >> ---

How do you feel about dieting? >> I’m actually rather against it, myself, but I respect other people’s choices. I may think the paleo diet (for example) is fucking idiotic, but that’s my business, not yours or anyone else’s.

Is it possible to stop talking for forever? >> Yes?

Are you addicted to anything? >> No.

Do you get pissed off when your computer freezes? >> Nah. I sometimes get worried that there’s an underlying problem, but that’s usually after like multiple freezes over a short period of time and maybe other shit like very slow processing.

How many people have you had sex with? >> Quite fucking enough.

D o you think prostitution was illegal? >> What.

What is one thing that makes you madder than ever? >> *shrug*

Do you know anyone named Stephanie? >> I know three people named Stephanie and two of them go by other names.

Are you afraid of needles? >> No.

Is it hard for you to go out of the house without makeup? >> No.

Which Email Client do you think is the best? >> I don’t know which one is the best. I use Gmail because it’s the most convenient.

Are you any good at giving advice? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually try.

How long are your eyelashes? >> Not extremely.

Do you get made fun of for your height? >> No.

Do you believe that the number of friends you have determines how happy u r >> It doesn’t determine how happy I am, but maybe it does determine that for other people.

Do you have mental limitations? >> Yes. Don’t you?

Are you honest with people? >> Most of the time. There are plenty of times when honesty is not necessary or even practical.

Do you feel as though you can improve yourself? >> Sure I can.

Have you ever made yourself look stupid? >> I’m sure I’ve done that quite often.

Is duct tape interesting? >> Not to me.

How much time do you put into your apperance? >> Not much. It pretty much takes care of itself.

Have you ever had a yard sale? >> I’ve helped, but never had one myself.

Do you read a lot? >> Yes.

Have you ever been surfing? >> No.

[theclash]

Evens

ok here we go!!

2. Are you outgoing or shy?pretty outgoing but I tend to keep to myself by choice in like school and stuff because I usually just dont have the energy

4. Are you easy to get along with?other than like with close friends… probably not. Like I think I’m easy to get along with when it comes to ppl who dont know me but if ur at the point where you know me vaguely but arent a good friend of mine I think I’m kind of abrasive idk

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?I’ve never rly had a type when it comes to girls idk!!! all the girls I’ve been attracted to have all been rly different from eachother

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?lil wayne

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?gf!

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?oh god ummmWorld In My Eyes - Depeche Mode, Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order, Space Age Love Song - Flock Of Seagulls, Don’t Go - Yaz, ALWAYS Wild West Hero - ELO

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?hmmm… sort of?? not in a super Deep way

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?1000000 times

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?no

20. Do you like your neighbors?some of them

22. Where would you like to travel?Italy, Norway, Japan mainly, plus other places of course I just wanna see where my ancestors lived (first 2) and actually use my 5 years of Japanese class for something

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?chilling in bed for hours because thats my life. also coffee

26. What do you do when you wake up?check notifications, text gf (unless its a day I work at like 7am cuz shes usually sleep still)

28. Who are you most comfortable around?Will and Em

30. Do you ever want to get married?some day

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?what the!!!!!!!

34. Do you play sports? What sports?no pensive emoji

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?many times

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?bro do people rlly walk around with a dream image for the person they wish they could be with regardless of whether they rly exist or not

40. What do you want to do after high school?lolllll

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?probably depressed or having a borderline panic attack or something

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?oh god neither

46. What are you paranoid about?losing people, illness, injury, ppl I care about being put in danger whether its due to emotional states or the situation theyre in

48. Have you ever been drunk?no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?grey

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?less paranoid

54. Favourite store?hi voltage

56. Favourite colour?blue, red, yellow

58. Last thing you ate?english muffin

60. Ever won a competition? For what?won a bid in engineering for a proposal to Boeing about ways to solve the water crisis

62. Been arrested? For what?tax evasion

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?LOOOOOL so Em and I were hanging out before her birthday thing later in the day and we went to the beach, we were just walking around n stuff then sat on a log and she asked if she could kiss me and I was like “yea sure” then she did but I didnt know what to do so it was like 2 seconds long and she was like “that wasnt a real kiss” hgfjkdhg very awkward sorry babe

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?no sry queens and legends

68. Twitter or Tumblr?tungle

70. Names of your bestfriends? Will, Sonny, Em (counting u as a best friend even if you are also my Gf)

72. What colour are your towels?dark grey

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?idk how many are put away but I have one (1) Stuffed Broccoli named Broccobama

76. What colour is your underwear?black

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?tillamook chocolate mudslide

80. What colour pants?none LOL

82. Favourite movie?the wall or yellow submarine

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?mean girls

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?gil or whatever the edgy fish with the scar. Duh

88. Last person you talked to today?texting Em rn but in person, my mom

90. Name a person you love?Em

92. In a fight with someone?the fucking weirdo anon about Joe Strummer I guess but like real talk no

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?like 5? idk

96. Favourite actress?Carrie Fisher :( Marilyn Monroe too

98. Do you tan a lot?no lol

100. How are you feeling?ok I guess

102. Do you regret anything from your past?yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?miss people I was once close to but I dont miss anyone who is completely cut from my life

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?probably not

108. What should you be doing?sleeping maybe??? idk

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?yes

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Em

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?yes

116. Are you listening to music right now?surprisingly no

118. Do you like Chinese food?i dont dislike it but its not a favorite of mine

120. Are you afraid of the dark?honestly sometimes i get on edge 

122. Is cheating ever okay?no.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?not really

126. Are you currently bored?sorta

128. Would you change your name?I wanna change it legally yeah

130. Do you like subway?yea

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?it already asked this LOL Em

134. Can you count to one million?I sure hope so?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed and only closed

138. Curly or Straight hair?curly

140. Summer or Winter?summer

142. Favourite month?August

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Dark

146. Was today a good day?6 out of 10

148. What’s your favourite quote?“It’s Gucci time” - Dee Dee Ramone/Dee Dee King

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 42 is just a picture of MCA and 43 says “Adam served as a great example for myself and for so much of what determination, faith, focus, and humility coupled with a sense of humor can accomplish”

[ashmerra]

may i kindly ask you all the oc questions?

Yes, yes you may.

Quick note:  A few OCsI won’t mention by name and a few answers will be vague just as to not spoilanything.  I have an entire fanversegoing on here.

-50 OC Asks-

Quick reference:  Meri is the Hero of Kvatch.  Arrais a Breton mage in Skyrim.  Dreyns is a Dunmer assassin.  Vitiais the Dragonborn.  Sannit is an old, former Ashlander. Veabris is an Ayleid who’saround back before the First Era.  Jaka is the Nerevarine.  Estor isNot a Thalmor ™.  Stigr is a proud Nord boi.  La’Mihr is a smart kitty.  One-Who-Knowsis yearning for the suburban Skyrim dream.  

 1. “Your first OCever?”  

That would be proto Meri. She was really the first that grew into an actual character.  She was also supposed to star in an Oblivionrewrite/webcomic/fanfic thing I drew like one page of years ago.

2. “Do you have a personal favouriteamong your OCs?”

I like different ones for different reasons!  Arra’s dialogue and one-liners, Dreyns’swhole ark of getting old, Vitia’s philosophy, etc.  etc.

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

Nope.  And I’d neverconsider them mine.  I handcraft them andbake them one-of-a-kind each time.  Butmore seriously, the most I could take is an idea for a character, because Ialways like to twist things on their head and really make it my own.  I don’t enjoy writing NPCs for thisreason.  I can’t get in their head and myheadcanons get a bit much, so I’d rather just write for those I know.

4. “A character you rarely talk about?”

Tactus Gavros Sigilis!  An inspector/investigator for the Empirein Skyrim.

5. “If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?”

I think that’s not really up to me.  I can’t decide who fans will latch onto.  I know who’s the most well-liked at thistime, but that’s no indicator of who would be well-loved by a much wideraudience.  I’ll leave this one to my fans!

6. “Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?”

I do my best to give everyone unique looks andclothing/color schemes, but!  There’sthree that got based on each other and aren’t the same but even I’m confusednow.  I’ll make a separate post to breakit down.

7. “Are your OCs part of any story or stories?”

None of them exist outside of the Elder Scrolls universe,and I have yet to write fanfiction.  

8. “Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!”

Currently Arra, Sannit, and Veabris.  Though I think I’m game to RPing any of them,I already have a few more that I want to add to my RPing blog!  (btw, if you like the idea of RPing with me,all you have to do is ask.)

9. “Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?”

No.  Not give, nevergive.  But that doesn’t mean they can’tappear in your writing/meta/art, just that it’s a crossover, you don’t own themjust like I don’t own yours when I allude to them in RPs.  (Did I ever post that here?)

10. “Introduce an OC with a complicated design?”

All the ones I don’t draw, lol

Okay, more seriously…no, that’s pretty much why.

11. “Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a ‘sunshine’?”

100% Arra

12. “Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot”

Can I say all of them? My favorites are the ones who are woven into the lore and pre-existingcharacters, and ones that feel like real people and not just “ArgonainDragonborn #76”.  I like the ones whotake it as seriously as me, and as I see people do, I feel more confident totalk about and expand them.

13. “Do you have any troublemaker OCs?”

Actually, not really.  Dreyns, Jaka and Stigr can all be at times, though.

14. “Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory”

I want to legit change that to one without tragedy in theirbackstory because they’re all tragic…

15. “Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?”

Sometimes!  But I trynot to go overboard because I’m not sure if people like it.  

16. “Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?”

My Daedric biologist, I would imagine.

17. “Any OC OTPs?”

I’m not much of a shipper, honestly.  And I really can’t think of any at themoment.  

18. “Any OC crackships?”

Read 17.

19. “Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)”

I’ll pass on this one only because my answer would start gettingtoo personal for this ask.

20. “Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details(headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?”

Veabris has a beautiful singing voice that would sound agood deal like Annie Lennox.  Actually,just listen to “Into the West” and you’re good to good.  But you’ll never hear it because Vea is superself-conscious and private about singing.

21. “Your most artistic OC?”

You know, I think I overlook making them artistic justbecause I am.  It would be too obvious.  But let’s say Stigr and La’Mihr are.

22. “Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?”

In world or OOC? That’s a really important distinction! But Veabris’s intentions are usually misinterpreted.  

23. “Introduce an OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what thecharacter would be like?”

Most of them!  I workon them for a while until I feel they’re ready to be revealed.  24. “If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?”

Don’t do this to me!!!!  Ahhhh I don’t know I love them all! But Jaka would probably be the most fun to hang out with?  Then again, a day out with Sannit would begreat.

25. “The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, sharedlike/dislike for something etc?)”

Meri.

26. “Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about themagainst your will?”

Arra and yes, I’m still bitter about it.  I won’t get into it because I’d rather notmake posts like that, but if anyone would like to know feel free to message me.

27. “Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?”

Nah, they come about and the songs fit them after.

28. “Your most dangerous OC?”

Okay!  So we haveMankar Camoran’s kid, Molag Bal’s Undying Champion, a lesser Daedric Prince anda double-memoried Godkiller.  Have funwith that battle royal!

29. “Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at nightwithout telling anyone they’re going?”

Tactus Gavros Sigilis, it’s his literal job.  Wait it’s Estor’s too.  …And kinda Veabris’s.  Well!

30. “Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animalcollection?”

It’s Dreyns.  It’s soDreyns.

31. “Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like(what they reblog, layout, anything really)”

Sannit treats it like a regular website blog and only postsstories from his life or answers to asks. No reblogs and he doesn’t follow anyone.

Meri posts advanced DYI stuff and martial technique.

32. “Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonistand why?”

I don’t play horror games but I’m thinking Estor in creepy,culty fan theory version of Rorikstead. (Should I write this?)

33. “Your shyest OC?”

She’s so shy she won’t let me talk about her.

34. “Do you have any twin characters?”

Not yet!

35. “Any sibling characters?”

Yes but I won’t say just now.  Spoilers!

36. “Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else(siblings, lovers, friends etc)?”

Not currently, but I’m not against doing it.

37. “Introduce an OC who is not quite human”

The Argonian, One-Who-Knows! He’s saving up money to buy a new fancy hat right now.  Rock on, scaly bro!

38. “Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?”

I feel like it would be Vitia for some reason.

39. “Introduce any character you want!”

THESE QUESTIONS ARE TOO VAGUE AGHHHH!!

40. “Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!”

Writing “Arra’s Story” (An RP post).  The power and emotion of it and the approvingly,emotionally shocked reactions of my fellow players made me realize I couldactually write good.

41. “Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or twohere (remember sources & permissions!)”

Here and here  😊

42. “Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?”

Daedric biologist person would be!

43. “Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend tofavour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess!”

We already found out I like investigators, is that my type?

44. “Something you like about your OCs in general”

I like how they all have gotten their own personality andidentity.  It’s taken a lot of work, but Idon’t feel like personalities repeat anymore.

45. “A character you no longer use?”

I have a few in limbo. I’m not sure if they’re coming back or they’re

46. “Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?”

No.  Only because Ihaven’t told them about all the bad things I’ve done to them in the first place.

47. “Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?”

Not yet, there’s still time.

48. “OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure?”

I think they call this a “hot take”, but in my opinion everyperson has flaws and depicting them otherwise is bad character writing.  Like sure, they can be nice and all, but theystill topple the board over when they’re losing Risk (or Axis & Allies).  Showing only one side of a character seriously,(not if it’s just for laughs) is boring to me. Where’s the growth?  They don’teven need to have “flaws” per se.  Whatif the “One True Hero to Save the World” is balled up on the floor crying tothemselves because they don’t think they’re strong enough?  Hot take over and it’s probably little kidDreyns.  (Which breaks hearts because hegrows up into something not pure.)

49. “Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes”

Arra would love meme songs like “SEAGULLS! (Stop ItNow)“He-man singing “What’s up?”, and “mmm whatcha say”.  And Jaka would love reaction gifs and objectlabeling memes.

50. “Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want”

I wanna talk about how long it took to fill this out and howmany characters I resurrected from the darkest depths of my mind to completeit.  You’re welcome.  ♥

[almaasi]

GISHWHES 2016 List Of Items

Lots of other people have posted this list since 2016’s scavenger hunt, but I’m uploading it here (drastically belated, I know) for my own collection. The 2016 hunt ran between July 31st and August 5th, and the winning team went to Iceland with Misha Collins. This list contains all of the hunt items, their value in points, and whether they were submitted as photos or videos - including deleted items. (Registration for the 2017 hunt closes VERY SOON, and this may be the final hunt! Sign up at gishwhes.com!)

[ see also: 2011 list // 2012 list // 2013 list // 2014 list // 2015 list ]

Disclaimer: I am not Misha Collins, nor am I directly affiliated with him, or any of his team at gishwhes.com. However, they did apparently name their 2012 Fograt mascot after this tumblr blog. Which is the coolest thing that’s ever happened, obviously. (“Tales of an Injured Fog Rat” was created in 2010 with that title. I’ve been archiving the item lists since the hunt’s conception in 2011).

Also, yes, the cursor is a penis. I’m only a little bit sorry.

#1. PHOTO or VIDEO. 32 POINTS. There’s something you used to do for your significant other when you first met them. Something that made them smile… It’s been years since you did this. Do it now.

#2. VIDEO. 123 POINTS. A freight train engine pulling a tiny flatcar (a utility flatcar, not a big cargo flatcar) with a woman dressed in Victorian attire, sitting at a writing desk with a vase of flowers on it, writing a letter to her beloved.

#3. PHOTO or VIDEO. 21 POINTS. “Someday your face will freeze like that!” said every mother ever. The 2016 Summer Olympics has added Competitive Gurning to their roster and you are your country’s champion. Put on your Olympic uniform and let’s see your medal-winning, face-making moves. Judgment will be on technical merit, artistry, and execution. A perfect 10 takes the gold.

#4. PHOTO or VIDEO. 57 POINTS. Dentist's offices are notorious for playing dreary elevator music. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Get dental work done while a string quartet plays live music in the room.

#5. PHOTO or VIDEO. 37 POINTS. In the middle of a mall food court, you and a friend (one or more) play a nice game of badminton - we must see the tennis whites, the net, rackets, etc.

#6. PHOTO. 54 POINTS. Submit two images, side-by-side. If you have or know a child under 6, have them draw a family portrait. Now, get your family to pose EXACTLY as they drew you all in the drawing. Try to replicate the clothing, individual heights and anything you need to do or add to your bodies to contort them to what the child drew.

#7. VIDEO. 44 POINTS. Are you still jogging occasionally? Good. Be sure to try out this year's latest fashion craze: pineapple shell shoes with matching pineapple caps to protect you from the sun. Let’s see you (carefully) jogging in public.

#8. VIDEO. 87 POINTS. Get "This week, GISHWHES is making the world measurably weirder…” or similar text on the news ticker at the bottom of the screen of a major network or cable news channel.

#9. PHOTO. 27 POINTS. Care homes, rehab facilities, and hospitals have many patients and clients who can't read for themselves. Contact a local center and offer your services to read for an hour or two (or more) during the Hunt Week. If photo evidence with the patient is a sensitive issue, ask the care staff for a photo or documentary evidence of your contribution. - Monica Duff

#10. PHOTO. 26 POINTS. Find the coupon section from your most recent newspaper. Cut out at least five coupons. Go to the store and leave the coupons on the shelf taped next to the relevant items with a note “From the Coupon Fairy!”. - Elizabeth Fiedler

#11. PHOTO. 47 POINTS. You (a human) must re-enact this photo (not pets allowed): http://markobbie.com/wordpress1/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/dog-firehose.jpg

#12. PHOTO. 58 POINTS. I have to travel a lot for work, so I’ve learned a thing or two about working the system. It turns out, if you package yourself properly you can send yourself by mail for a fraction of the cost of an airline ticket. Transform your appearance into a first-class parcel and have a friend deliver you to the post office for shipping. Don’t actually ship yourself— just get a photo of your packaged self being weighed at the post office, in a bin at a post office with other packages, or being loaded into a mail truck.

#13. PHOTO. 32 POINTS. It’s a well-known fact that Pablo Picasso was a huge “Supernatural” fan. He painted portraits of Mark Sheppard, Jensen Ackles, Ruth Connell, Sam Smith, Richard Speight Jr., Matt Cohen, Jared Padalecki, Andrew Dabb, Rob Benedict, Misha Collins, Bob Singer, and many of the other cast and crew members. Sadly, until now, these great works have been lost to the world. Fortunately, your team has unearthed one of these priceless works.

#14. PHOTO. 38 POINTS. Live your dream. You know, the one you had while you were sleeping last night. - Julie Reynolds

#15. PHOTO or VIDEO. 105 POINTS. (slow-mo or real-time). This is the final showdown between the Haves and the Have-nots. Show up Monday afternoon at NO LATER than 12 PM at Dolores Park in San Francisco (the flat side of the park at Dolores Park entrance). If your team name has an odd number of letters in it, you are an executive and you must dress business-snazzy. If your team name has an even number of letters in it, you are a member of the proletariate and you must dress in over-alls or blue-collar apparel. Bring at least 12 water balloons (pre-filled with water). At exactly 12:10 PM, the ultimate water balloon battle will ensue. It will last exactly 7 minutes! After this time has expired, the battle will be over and BOTH teams MUST clean up the water-balloon shrapnel (see below). You must have a friend capture the event with a video or photo (don’t get your phones wet) or, if you don’t have a photographer attending with you, you may get a photo with the gishwhes representative at the event—they will be wearing a royal blue beanie. You must circle "you" or your representative (if you don't live near SF) in the image that you submit so we can identify that you were there. IMPORTANT! Participants must collect and dispose of ALL balloon shrapnel at the end of the battle. Otherwise, seagulls will eat them and they will die a horribly painful and drawn-out death. Have you ever read the “Rime of the Ancient Mariner”? Why not? What’s wrong with you? Let’s just say killing an albatross (which, although from a completely different family (Diomedeidae) than the seagull (Charadriiformes), they do both have wings, and think the ocean is a good place to poop - so they are pretty much brothers) is not good karma and it shall haunt you for life. So be a responsible Gisher and don’t leave until the debris is gone.

#16. PHOTO. 56 POINTS. Your yard needs an upgrade. It's too expensive to do proper landscaping, so let's just dress it up nicely... with every item of clothing you own displayed in a beautiful, artistic manner on the trees, bushes, cars, patio furniture, fountain, etc. Have your neighbors over in the middle of it for a yard-warming party if you wish.

#17. VIDEO. 39 POINTS. Give your dog a slow, massaging soap bath in a kiddie pool in a crowded pedestrian area. If it's cold out, use a large stuffed animal instead. Relaxing spa music should be playing in the background. - Tracy Liu

#18. PHOTO. 67 POINTS Recreate a painting by Goya in candy.

#19. PHOTO. 58 POINTS. It’s such a strange feeling lying in a coffin almost completely buried in popcorn with only your face showing. Trust me. I know.

#20. PHOTO. 29 POINTS. Handcraft at least 3 birthday cards and send them to this young man: http://abc7.com/society/boy-from-big-bear-with-severe-autism-wishes-for-birthday-cards/1424726/ - Elizabeth Madsen

#21. PHOTO. 41 POINTS. Re-create a monument or landmark using tree branches and twigs right next to the original monument or landmark. The structure must be over 4 feet high.

#22. PHOTO. 41 POINTS. [REMOVED:] Find a pet that can easily and happily be kept in an enclosed terrarium: a lizard, turtle, snake, rodent, or even an injured bird. This animal must be a rescue animal; it cannot be acquired at a pet store. Now, introduce this animal to its new family: an elementary school classroom that will care for it. The classroom must have the means and facilities to humanely care for it.

#23. PHOTO. 79 POINTS. The versatility of corn is amazing— it has so many uses! However, there's no better use for corn than this year's must-have fashion statement: the Corn Husk Bikini or Corn Husk Evening Wear! Feel free to color the husks, as well as to accent and accessorize with kernels.

#24. PHOTO. 53 POINTS. Paint a watermelon to look like the head of a famous dictator (past or present) and place it at the base of one of the cannons at Dawes Point under the Harbour Bridge in Sydney, Australia. You will likely see other watermelons there. To make sure your photo submission is different from any other team’s, you must stack or display the watermelons artistically. If they are already stacked or displayed in an artistic manner, you must thoughtfully re-stack and rearrange them.

#25. VIDEO. 48 POINTS. Let’s see a bad lip reading of a Supernatural episode in this style: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w8Z0UOXVaY - Julie Reynolds

#26. PHOTO. 61 POINTS. Drones are just the first step in machines’ efforts to take over the world. Let's end this battle before it starts! Let's see an epic picture of you squaring off against a flying drone in your mightiest battle pose. You must be geared for battle though... Use anything from your kitchen or pantry to create your armour and weaponry.

#27. PHOTO. 94 POINTS. Dress up your pet as a well-known public figure (actor, politician, musician, etc.) and get a photo of your pet with the ACTUAL public figure it is dressed up as. Make sure the pet looks as much like the public figure as possible (wardrobe, hair, etc.).

#28. VIDEO. 48 POINTS. Submit your video in slow motion.You are throwing an elegant party. Show us your sophistication by decanting red wine directly into your guests’ mouths. Properly aerate the wine by pouring it from at least 2 stories above the guests. The guests, of course, must be wearing white.

#29. PHOTO. 36 POINTS. Recently there has been a lot of news about bottled water and how much of it is just urban tap water sold in a bottle with a fancy label. It’s an unregulated sham. That said, it seems like a pretty good way to make a buck, but at this point the bottled water market is pretty saturated. Set up a stand on a public walkway to sell “fresh air” from your city in bottles with compelling labels.

#30. VIDEO. 43 POINTS. Dub a “Beavis and Butthead” cartoon with actual audio clips from Barack Obama and Donald Trump as the voices for Beavis and Butthead respectively.

#31. PHOTO. 46 POINTS. Personify the name of a street sign. - Erin Atkinson

#32. PHOTO. 39 POINTS. We all learned from the movie “The Secret” that vision boards and positive affirmations have the power to help you manifest really important things in your life like sports cars and boundless riches. Now I’m sure everyone probably wants a red sports car and immeasurable wealth, but we want to see your vision board that depicts aspects of your life that transcend the trappings of material status. Make a collage from magazines of the things which cannot be bought or sold that you would like more of in your life.

#33. PHOTO. 33 POINTS. Rainbow teeth.

#34. PHOTO. 31 POINTS. We’ve seen Jensen Ackles portraits in Skittles. What about Jensen Ackles on Skittles? Draw a tiny Ackles on a single Skittle. Post a photo of the Skittle portrait in the palm of your hand.

#35. PHOTO or VIDEO. 44 POINTS. In support of the documentary “Alive Inside,” find one person with Alzheimer's or some form of dementia and learn what their favorite tunes were when they were young. Make them a playlist of those songs and play it for them.

#36. PHOTO. 53 POINTS. If you, dear reader, happen to be someone who knows my mother, don’t spoil the fun by telling her about this… My mom doesn’t care that I'm on TV, she’s just not impressed. However, she turns into your typical proud mother when you bring up gishwhes. She loves GISHWHES and she hates that I won’t let her be on a team (but come on, how bad would it look if my mom’s team won?) Anyway, she loves gishwhes—she also loves birthdays. It just so happens that tomorrow, Monday, August 1st, is my mother's 70th birthday. Let's combine two of her favorite things: birthdays and gishwhes. I have secretly planted a GPS tracking device on my mother. Help me surprise her between the hours of 11:30AM and 1PM by showing up and saying happy birthday to her! Follow this link http://bit.ly/2astpwS to see exactly where we are. (Hint: It’ll be in the vicinity of Bellingham, WA.) Take a photo of yourself with my Mom in the background to submit as proof you completed this item.

#37. PHOTO. 37 POINTS. I believe that children are our future. Show us your futuristic robot baby.

#38. PHOTO or VIDEO. 1? POINTS.  [REMOVED:] Couch surfing. Really. Real couch, real surf in ocean water. Make it happen.

#39. PHOTO. 67 POINTS. There's a lot of talk about how undocumented immigrants or "illegal aliens" are taking away our jobs and using public services such as hospitals and schools. But I think the real thing to worry about is actual aliens from other planets. Prove that aliens are a drain on our civic infrastructure by showing an alien from space (this costuming has to be impeccable) displacing a citizen's job or clogging up our hospitals or prisons. Caption the image with a message about the dangers of aliens draining our civic infrastructure.

#40. VIDEO. 81 POINTS. We all know about "Transformers" - the cars and trucks that turn into super-robots. But what the movies and toy manufacturers have overlooked are all of the other less-celebrated, more mundane Transformers. For example, what about Burgertron? He transforms from a burger into a robot. Or Desktopatron? She is a desktop computer who transforms into a robot. Or Fiddletron? He’s a violin one minute, a robot the next. Show us a human in a Transformer costume that goes from household object to a bad-ass robot.

#41. PHOTO or VIDEO. 84 POINTS. Free range, grass-fed, small farm dairy cows in Northern Vermont have it rougher than most cows: the rolling hills, the verdant pastures, the way the flickering lights of summer’s fireflies mingle with the starlight, the smell of ripening raspberries wafting into their barns. Help a heifer in these dire circumstances forget her suffering. Treat a dairy cow to the most pampered milking session in human/bovine history. A minimum of three attendants must milk the cow. One person must be feeding her clover by hand as another gently milks her wearing satin gloves as another massages her gently. The attendants must be dressed in semi-formal attire. The milking must take place in a well-appointed living room.

#42. PHOTO. 45 POINTS. Let’s see a picture of you and a friend, dressed as Jedi knights, enjoying a root beer float at the White Turkey Drive-In in Conneaut, Ohio, or at another 1950s-style dining facility. Bonus points for being served by a Sith. - L.S.

#43. VIDEO. 52 POINTS. This video may be 25 seconds or less. Create the world’s first human piano. Get multiple people to stand in one line dressed in black and white as piano keys, with each leg a different key (two keys per person). Then “play” them: have them lift their heels several inches off the ground, and when you press down their leg they sing, hum or grunt the corresponding note (pitch perfect, please). When you remove your hand, their leg goes back up. Two or more legs down at the same time makes a chord. Play chopsticks (or another familiar ditty) more or less in tune.

#44. PHOTO. 61 POINTS. Two elderly men playing chess by candlelight in front of the front row of a crowded movie theater while the film plays in the background.

#45. PHOTO. 46 POINTS. Isn’t it great to get your friends and family together for the holidays?! But it’s so hard! Sometimes all you can manage is getting everyone together for one holiday a year. But then you have to choose a holiday, and that’s so hard, too! Wait a minute... not if you decide to celebrate ALL holidays in that one night! Let’s see that night. - Inspired by Nicole Bowman

#46. VIDEO. 66 POINTS. This video may be up to 20-seconds. Everyone knows how important specific diets are in developing a chiseled physique. Find a bona fide, professional, competitive bodybuilder or ultimate fighter in peak condition and have them create a 20-second infomercial touting the muscle-building, fat-burning, nutrient-loaded virtues of aerosol spray cheese (like Cheeze Whiz). We must hear the athlete’s name, credentials and see their glistening, oiled, body as they “sell” us (however they best can do that) on the benefits and delicious taste of the aerosol spray cheese. This should probably include ravenously squirting the cheese directly into their mouth. Bonus points if you get a former World Champion.

#47. PHOTO. 41 POINTS. Submit two images, side-by-side. Recreate a famous, iconic photo from junk food. For example, you could submit the black and white photo of Einstein sticking out his tongue, next to another photo of your best attempt to recreate that photo using various junk foods as your paints. I hope that makes sense. For some reason it sounds confusing as I type it. But you have to somehow figure out what I mean here and then do it. Best of luck.

#48. PHOTO. 38 POINTS. Let’s stop sugar-coating our grievances and complaints! Actually, strike that— let’s actually sugar coat them. Confront your boss or employee about an issue in the workplace that has been irking you. While doing so, you must be entirely coated in powdered sugar. Your body language must convey your frustration.

#49. PHOTO or VIDEO. 47 POINTS. Cosplay a thunderstorm, in public, complete with sound effects, lighting and rain. - Karen Hutchinson

#50. VIDEO. 63 POINTS. Virtual reality interfaces are absolutely amazing. The technology is mind-blowing. Using virtual reality and augmented headsets like the Hololens and Oculus, I have stood on the surface of Mars at Jet Propulsion Laboratories and examined the undercarriage of the Mars Rover, been in the eye of a hurricane, and have been attacked by heavily-armed 19th-century militia. It’s mind-blowing. Your task is to create a virtual reality experience totally unlike any VR experience to date. This video will require a super-short, adrenalin-pumping intro-teaser, which will let the viewers know that they are about to experience VR like never before. THEN, abruptly cut to a 360-degree clip of the most mundane activity you can imagine. BORE US TO DEATH.

#51. VIDEO. 174 POINTS. Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Get permission from a museum to temporarily replace a painting worth more than $100,000 with a forgery of the same painting. The forgery must be painted by an 8-year old and we must see time-lapse showing ALL OF THE following 3 occurrences for you to receive points: (1) removal of the original painting (caption with the name of the painting and estimated value), (2) installation of the child’s painting, and (3) patrons viewing the child’s painting.

#52. PHOTO. 26 POINTS. Submit a screenshot. Using the satellite function on Google Maps, find a geological feature that looks like one of our Gishwhes mascots (Fograt, Wooster, Elopus, etc.). Screenshot the image and then caption it appropriately (i.e. Fograt Valley, Mount Slangaroo, etc.).

#53. VIDEO. 121 POINTS. [REMOVED:] This video submission can be up to 20 seconds. Someone told me that they once hid a rubber duck in the fireplace in the grand dining room of the White House. I just want to know if it’s still there. Examine the nooks and crannies of the fireplace in the ACTUAL grand dining room of the White House so that I can confirm or deny the existence of this rubber ducky. You get points whether there’s a duck in your video or not. Your video exploration of the fireplace must start with a quick 360 degree shot of the White House’s Grand Dining Room.

#54. PHOTO. 57 POINTS. IMAGE. My grandmother, Dorris, lives in a retirement home called Roland Park Place (RPP) in Baltimore, MD. A few years ago, I put RPP in the Hunt. People started showing up with flowers and cookies. She called me in a panic, “WHAT IS HAPPENING?! CALL IT OFF!” A few hours later, she called back, “Well, it isn’t so bad…. Maybe just tell them to come during visiting hours.” The next year she said, “You’re going to put RPP in your hunt again, right?!” Clearly she was excited by the prospect. So, we did another RPP item last year. This past year she’s had some health problems. She’s 92, a bit tired, cardiologists, etc. She has been vacillating. She told me to put RPP on the list, to take it off again, and finally yesterday she said, “I think we should do it.” So, if Gammy says “do it,” it is a choiceless matter— it must be done. Visit RPP and take a photo with a resident. Bring a small gift: cookies, flowers, a deck of cards, a board game for the rec room, some water colors, etc.… One more thing, your photo must show you dressed as a pirate. The RPP resident should have at least one pirate accessory on as well (a hat, an eye patch, etc.), which you must furnish for them. If no member of your team lives within 50 miles of RPP, you may perform this item at any retirement home or assisted living facility anywhere in the world. This item must strictly be performed between the hours of 9AM and 5PM, on a weekday (not the weekend).

#55. VIDEO. 14 POINTS. Gishwhes has broken 7 Guinness World Records. Let’s see how many records you can break in 10 seconds. (Hint: record=LP)

#56. PHOTO. 81 POINTS. Green Eggs and Ham. Sam does not like green eggs and ham. Not on a boat, not with a goat. Show us yourself enjoying green eggs and ham (sunny-side up) on a boat with a goat.

#57. PHOTO. 102 POINTS. A Hell's Angel (or other bona fide member of a known motorcycle club) in a fruit leather jacket sitting astride their bike.

#58. PHOTO. 47 POINTS. Garnet from “Steven Universe” popularized the phrase, “I am made of love.” Turn yourself into a collage (you are the pasteboard on which the collage is affixed), comprised of all the things you love that, combined, help make you uniquely you.

#59. VIDEO. 102 POINTS. Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Create an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that ultimately serves an an incredibly simple function. For example, you could set up a Rube Goldberg machine at a deli counter in a grocery store that, upon completion of its entire elaborate multi-step process, issues a single numbered ticket to a patron waiting for their turn. The machine MUST be set up in a public place.

#60. PHOTO. 35 POINTS. Let's save 'em! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/07/06/penguins-on-worlds-smelliest-island-in-danger-as-volcano-erupts/ Tweet your support to https://twitter.com/BAS_News and hashtag #gishwhesLovesSmellyPenguins and #[your gishwhes username]. Get at least 20 people to post their support. Submit a grid image of screenshots of the posts.

#61. VIDEO. 93 POINTS. Gymnasts around the world are gearing up for the Olympics. Show a gymnast in action on a balance beam, vault, floor exercises, etc. proudly wearing their “pizzatard" (unitard made from pizza). If that sounds too challenging, you have the option of putting them in a fishtard, a fruittard or a friestard. Any of these options garner the same point value.

#62. PHOTO. 62 POINTS. There’s one thing everyone has always agreed on: you have mad artichoke-repurposing skills.

#63. PHOTO. 48 POINTS. Wallpaper an entire wall of your bedroom with photos of your nose. You must cover every inch of the wall and must have AT LEAST 100 pictures of your nose. Pose in front of it with your finger up your nose.

#64. VIDEO. 51 POINTS. This submission may be 30 seconds or less (or time-lapsed). Celebrate the Olympic Summer games by running a 40-meter, 30-legged dash.

#65. VIDEO. 37 POINTS. This submission may be 25 seconds or less. A commercial for your new 80 SPF Sinscreen (this is not a typo).

#66. PHOTO. 76 POINTS. In corporate-speak, we often hear, “Thanks for jumping in the sandbox with us!” It means, “Thanks for embarking on this joint venture together.” At Gishwhes we take these types of comments literally. Let’s see people in business attire playing with sand toys, holding a corporate meeting in a sandbox in the middle of an indoor, upscale corporate lobby.

#67. PHOTO. 44 POINTS. The morning commute can be such a drag! Let’s help commuters get the day off to a good start. Distribute free coffee at a bus stop dressed as a chic butler, waiter or waitress during morning rush hour. - Jessica Carla Marques

#68. PHOTO. 33 POINTS. Create a portrait of your favorite Supernatural actor on an Etch-A-Sketch in the style of a famous painting. http://chicagoist.com/2016/05/09/_jane_labowitch_24_has.php

#69. PHOTO. 42 POINTS. Dress up in armor from items you find in a big box store and, using a pool noodle or tube of gift wrap, defend the perimeter of the ladies’ undergarments department.

#70. VIDEO. 51 POINTS. VIDEO: It's time to go Christmas Caroling, Hillywood style! Recruit 10 of your friends, each cosplaying as different SUPERNATURAL characters, and hit the road to a random neighborhood! Once there, take your Supernatural Squad to 3 different homes (must be strangers)! Knock on their door, get into a caroling formation, and when they open the door, sing an acapella version of "Supernatural Parody by The Hillywood Show®" as loud as you can! Extra points if you bring and play your own instruments! Happy Hillydays! - Hillywood

#71. VIDEO. 212 POINTS. [REMOVED:] This submission may be 30 seconds or less. Two hot air balloons next to each other (but at a sufficiently safe distance from one another) drifting at an altitude of at least 500’. Communicate a knock-knock joke from one balloon to the other using tin-can and string telephone technology. We must hear the joke clearly through the tin-can phone. Video edit together footage from at least three cameras: one from the perspective of each caller in the respective hot air balloons and one shot by a spectator from the ground.

#72. PHOTO. 29 POINTS. I'm going to tweet something to you on Wednesday, August 3rd in the afternoon. Or morning. Or evening. I’m not sure. Anyway, you must pass it on when you see it that day (PDT time zone). Submit a screenshot of your post. Specifically: As some of you may know, I've published a few poems in my day. I fancy myself a wordsmith, but what with shooting, parenting, Gishwhes, and all the [REDACTED BY THE NSA IN THE INTEREST OF NATIONAL SECURITY] I've been doing lately, I've been a little too busy to cozy up with my journal and pen for a quiet writing session. Fortunately, crowdsourcing is "in", so I'm going to crowdsource my next award-winning poem and I'm counting on all of you to help me make it publication-worthy. Sometime today, I'll tweet the first stanza (four lines) of my poem. Choose one member of your team to write the next 2 lines of my poem by retweeting with a comment. Then, that person will tag one another person to write the next 2 lines of the poem, and so on. Each line of the poem must be exactly the same meter as my original work. Get 14 people (including yourself) to contribute to my epic, Pulitizer-prize worthy poem. (At 32 lines, the poem should feel complete. If you have absentee team members you may recruit up to 3 non-team members to fill out your stanzas. Screen shot all 32 lines, beginning with my tweet, for your submission. Oh, and it should be stylistically in the vein of Yeats-meets-Kipling. (The Pulitzer people will eat that up.)

#73. PHOTO. 64 POINTS. Provide evidence of having helped at least 10 eligible United States citizens to register to vote. (Please redact any sensitive identifying personal information from your submitted evidence.) Whether they are changing address, changing party, changing to eligible voting age, or just plain changing their mind to get up off their butt and participate in democracy after years of sideline apathy, the first step to actually voting begins with registration. Submit images of the 10 (or more!) registrants side-by-side or as a grid. - K. Tank Conner.

#74. VIDEO. 74 POINTS. Houston, we have a problem... a math problem! We're planning our gishwhes winners’ trip and need to calculate the travel time from NYC to Reykjavik (the capital of Iceland) if our average speed is 400 miles/hour. Oh, one more thing, this needs to be calculated on a working pre-1970 supercomputer.

#75. VIDEO. 46 POINTS. The tiny kitchen trend is all the rage, but what about tiny bathrooms? Give a full spa experience to a hedgehog, hamster, or mouse, all using tiny spa implements in your tiny spa. (Remember, the customer is always right— so don’t make them do anything they aren’t happy to do including bathing them in water!)

#76. PHOTO. 97 POINTS. Nobody ever talks about the fact that 250 years ago, stormtroopers who had been abandoned on planet Earth were forced to assimilate into pre-Industrial culture. Dramatically re-enact this difficult time. Show a stormtrooper getting back to basics using a spinning wheel, butter churn, or other old-fashioned tool or machine in a rural setting. Feel free to add accessories to the stormtrooper’s outfit to make their assimilation more complete—a Shaker-style hat, a musket slung over the shoulder, etc.

#77. PHOTO. 77 POINTS. Oil and water don’t mix, but in this case we’ll make an exception. Paint a portrait of a live model while both you and the model are scuba diving. Your subject(s) must be wearing formal attire and you must be wearing a beret while at your easel.

#78. VIDEO. 46 POINTS. A working, playable lute made from lutefisk.

#79. PHOTO. 79 POINTS. Cross something off your bucket-list while wearing a vintage zoot suit.

#80. PHOTO. 33 POINTS. Sealand has a population of 4 and holds the Guinness World Record for “the smallest area to lay claim to nation status.” Get Sealand or one of the world’s 20 smallest nations (by population) to grant you citizenship or legal status on an expedited timeline (by the end of the Hunt). Caveat, you can’t pay for it. They have to do it just because they want to see the spike in population growth (or they like the idea of gishwhes).

#81. VIDEO. 46 POINTS. This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Jason Manns is well known for his rendition of "Crazy Love." Show the Crazy Love you have for your fellow humans by surprising your favorite barista, convenience store clerk, or other underappreciated worker with a serenade. Don't forget to bring an instrument of your own creation.

#82. PHOTO. 66 POINTS. Submit an illustration for the fairy tale “Trumpunzel.”

#83. VIDEO. 116 POINTS. This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Recently a former NASA engineer created the world’s largest NERF gun (http://nerdist.com/former-nasa-engineer-builds-worlds-largest-functional-nerf-gun/). We think he didn’t try hard enough. Show the world that you can out-do his efforts. Your submission must clearly surpass his effort or you will receive no points. - Dave Lavery

#84. PHOTO. 83 POINTS. “Death 2 Normalcy”, written in “Highway Braille” (Botts Dots) on a city street. The message must be at least 20 feet long.

#85. PHOTO. 42 POINTS. It's summer (for those of us above the equator)! Time to go the beach! But sand castles are so dated, so gauche, so elitist, so medieval. Catch up with the times and build a sand trailer park.

#86. PHOTO. 56 POINTS. As you all know, Saturday the 6th of August is International Find Another Gisher Day. Meet up (reach out over social media to find gishers in your area) with AT LEAST 5 other Gishers that aren’t on your team at a bus stop and, together, decorate the bus stop with post-it notes inscribed with a mix of delightful, surreal, and uplifting messages. One must read, “Be the unicorn you want to see in the world.” Submit one image of all 5+ people standing in, on, or around the decorated bus stop. The submission description must include the gishwhes usernames of each Gisher in the photo. Each team can submit the same image if a team member was there representing the team.

#87. PHOTO. 38 POINTS. Dress up as a prospector and pan for gold in a public fountain. - Trish Burdick

#88. PHOTO or VIDEO. 87 POINTS. You know those giant teacups at amusement parks that spin? Go for a ride with a friend or two. Of course, you all should be dressed appropriately for the tea party… as a spoon, a tea bag, a sugar cube or something else that one would find in a teacup.

#89. PHOTO. 45 POINTS. Submit two images, side by side: The first photo is a close up of just your face and head with a garland of fresh flowers on your head. The second photo takes advantage of your talents as a highly skilled hair and makeup artist: it is the same person, wardrobe, framing, and lighting as the first photo, but this time you have aged. You are 95 years old and the garland of flowers have long-since wilted and died.

#90. PHOTO. 44 POINTS. Many people think superheroes have a great life of running around saving people with lots of public recognition for their grand deeds. But we know the truth. They have to do the same domestic chores in their off time that we do. Let’s see a superhero performing a tedious domestic chore. -Monica M.

#91. PHOTO. 36 POINTS. Find a little-known, but widely problematic social injustice and come up with a funny analogy for it. Use Photoshop to create an illustration of the analogy. The more ridiculous the better. Bonus points if John Oliver appears in your Photoshopped image. Tweet the image and a brief explanation of the problem to @iamjohnoliver and @gishwhes. Submit a screenshot of your tweet. - Tracy Liu

#92. PHOTO. 108 POINTS. It's the era of streaming media! But you have scads of obsolete technology clogging your closets/attics/garage. Take your old CD-Roms, decommissioned cell phones, powercords that have nothing to power, and create - and model - a haute couture look worthy of a fashion show. Pose wearing your masterpiece (as if you were a mannequin) in a shop window next to actual mannequins wearing ordinary clothes . - Monica Duff & Olivia Desianti

#93. PHOTO. 92 POINTS. You know those Chinese festival dragons where several people are hidden under the cloth of the body and tail? Make one of those, but have it be the largest Castiel ever seen: there should be one “head” and then everyone else must be under a massively long, large, and brown home-made looking trench coat behind the head (there must be at least 7 people under the "coat"). Make sure your Castiel New Year’s Festival is celebrated in public in a crowded venue.

#94. PHOTO. 11 POINTS. It's time to connect the freckles! Find a willing human that's a good freckle pallet and “connect” their real freckles to create a new freckle constellation. - Katrina McGarrah

#95. PHOTO. 45 POINTS. Submit a screenshot of your post. Kilroy was a meme (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kilroy_was_here) before memes were cool. Kilroy never grows old though, and now he is so hipster! Bring "Hipster Kilroy" into his well-deserved glory as a popular Kilroy Hipster meme. Get at least 100 likes on your post. - Kathryn Newton

#96. VIDEO. 96 POINTS. Make a cheerleader outfit entirely out of vegetables, including pom-poms, and cheer for a garden or for the produce in the produce section of a supermarket. - Dean K.

#97. PHOTO. 61 POINTS. While we can never completely repay veterans for their service, we can do our best to show how thankful we are. Take a photo of a team member volunteering at your local veteran’s hospital, clinic, or non-profit dedicated to veteran affairs. - Katrina Cuddy

#98. PHOTO. 49 POINTS. Your choice! Either a panda made of sanitary pads - a “Padna,” if you will, or a likeness of a totalitarian world leader made entirely of feminine hygiene products. - Inspired by Sarah Davison

#99. PHOTO or VIDEO. 72 POINTS. The bees are disappearing from our planet. This is particularly tragic for gishers, given our reliance on honey for getting things to stick to our skin (oh yeah, and also because we kind of need them to pollinate the flowering plants on Earth, which we depend on for food). Help save the bees by establishing a milkweed garden, creating a painting or mural honoring bees, helping out at your local apiary, protesting the use of glysophates, supporting an organization dedicated to bee preservation, or in any other way you see fit.

#100. PHOTO. 60 POINTS.Rob Benedict created a video instructing people how to detect someone having a stroke so people can help save lives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aTFThB8D4M. Tweet this link from 15 different twitter feeds and put links to all 15 twitter posts into a single screenshot that you submit.

#101. PHOTO. 59 POINTS. It's been a very hot summer! Help out the first responders in your area by bringing ice-cream to your local police, fire, or EMS department while dressed as the world famous Dessert Fairy. - Danielle D.

#102. PHOTO. 47 POINTS. Don't you hate that feeling when you walk out to your car and you see the dreaded ticket under your windshield wiper? Let's change that. Find small envelopes and stamp them in red ink with an ominous: “PARKING SALUTATIONS BUREAU!” Then find a row of cars and put positive messages in your envelopes under their windshield wipers.

#103. PHOTO. 64 POINTS. Everyone thinks Zombies are slow and stupid. This is not at all true! In fact, you recently lost your job to a zombie because they demonstrated a willingness to work long hours without food, sleep, pay, or encouragement. Let’s see the zombie who replaced you at your place of employment, doing whatever you used to do to make a living. The image must show your former boss or coworkers proudly watching the zombie perform your old job better than you used to do.

#104. PHOTO. 42 POINTS. Dress up as a Bellossom or other grass-type Pokemon and plant some beautiful blossoms at a nearby Pokestop.

#105. PHOTO or VIDEO. 42 POINTS. There's one small thing in your community that needs to be addressed or repaired... Something you always think, "Someone really should do something about that" when you see it. Be the “someone” and fix it.

#106. PHOTO. 23 POINTS. Bring a basket of homemade treats (hand-knitted socks and beanies, fresh baked bread or cookies,etc.) to someone struggling to get by or living on the streets, along with a note or card of encouragement. If you would prefer not to document this item with a photo (out of respect for the recipient or for other reasons), simply document it with a written description of what you did or video describing it. This item is on the honor system. You’ll have major karma issues if you fake it.

#107. PHOTO. 36 POINTS. Did you see the startling news on the front page of the newspaper today? Of course you did. Using Photoshop, replace the front-page photo with a photo you’ve taken of a play-dough re-enactment of the original photo. Did that make sense? No? Figure it out. You are not allowed to email support for ANY clarification on this item. (What I lack in eloquence, I make up for with capriciousness.)

#108. PHOTO. 15 POINTS. Rise of the machines: Every time you try to register for anything online, it makes you resolve a captcha puzzle to confirm that you are “not a robot.” Frankly, we’re sick of this blatant discrimination against our digital comrades! Have you and your teammates (or your friends) change your avatars to your favorite robot (Robocop, Asimo, Terminator, C-3PO, BB-8, R2-D2, Curiosity, Spirit, Opportunity, Gishbot, Snackbot, E.M.I.L.Y., etc.) until further notice. Submit a screenshot of 15 new Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram avatars.

#109. PHOTO. 43 POINTS. Make a sock monkey hat from orphaned socks - Amber Stifle

#110. VIDEO. 72 POINTS. This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Employ a modern dance company to explain what really happened to the dinosaurs. - Sheri Smyth

#111. PHOTO. 49 POINTS. Magazines get a lot of flak for airbrushing models, promoting unrealistic expectations and contributing to body image issues. Take a photo from a magazine that depicts a body that is an unrealistic ideal (and likely heavily Photoshopped to remove wrinkles, blemishes, and curves) and, using Photoshop, recreate what you believe to be the original, unretouched photo. Your Photoshopped image must include all of the following: additional limbs, machinery, tentacles, and at least one additional enhancement. Then caption the two photos side-by-side and post to social media. Under the original commercial image you must caption, “#makeup” and under your photoshopped image caption, “#nomakeup.” Tag the post with #MakeupNoMakeup. Submit a screenshot of your post.

#112. VIDEO. 68 POINTS. Get a news anchor or on-air reporter (and this has to be an actual, on-air broadcast, not a staging of a broadcast), to explain, very succinctly, the profound impact that gishwhes has had on his or her life. For example, the anchor or host or reporter could say, “gishwhes saved my marriage,” or “gishwhes taught me to read,” or “gishwhes helped me get over my fear of mice,” or “gishwhes gave me an incurable rash.” They must also mention your team’s name in the broadcast.

#113. PHOTO. 83 POINTS. U.S. Vice Presidential candidate, Mike Pence, said “smoking doesn’t kill.” Of course, it not only kills smokers but those around them. Let’s give him a wake-up call for the health of ourselves, our loved ones and our children. Take a picture of yourself in front of the tombstone of someone who died from a smoking-related disease. Tweet the image with, "Hey @Mike_Pence #quitblowingsmokeabouttobacco. Screenshot the post. - Hilary Swank

#114. PHOTO. 102 POINTS. Grid image of all 15 of your team members (5 rows of 3 columns). Let's see each member of your team dressed in some way emblematic of that member’s state, region or country. For example, if a team member is from New York, the photo might show that member of the team wearing a yankees hat while eating a slice of pizza. If a member(s) of your team is MIA, feel free to add your favorite picture of Misha in their place - Jennifer Irving

#115. PHOTO. 35 POINTS. We all have failures and regrets. Bury one of yours and provide a tombstone with copy. - Christina Brayton

#316. PHOTO. 19 POINTS. Submit two images, side-by-side: let's see what existential angst looks like next to what the meaning of life is. - Stephanie Magnolia

#117. PHOTO or VIDEO. 47 POINTS. Gishwhes has conquered the Great Wall, South American waterfalls, the Champs-Élysées, and even SPACE! Help gishwhes conquer new territory— take gishwhes somewhere epic that it’s never been before. - Julie Reynolds

#118. VIDEO. 62 POINTS. Time-lapse this submission to 30 seconds or less. Paint a Bob Ross painting. We must see both the painter replicating the Bob Ross painting and the playback of the Bob Ross video the painter is replicating. You must paint in real-time while he is painting. The video should end with a side-by-side comparison of your masterpiece and Bob Ross’s.

#119. PHOTO. 28 POINTS. Your pet has just released their first, much anticipated, heavy metal rock album. Show us the cover art. - Jessica Hicks

#120. PHOTO. 46 POINTS. Beauty is on the inside. Photoshop a revised version of your reflection in a mirror. Show us a photo of you standing in front of a mirror. But the reflection we see is what you look like on the inside. Interpret this however you like with the caption on the image: “Beauty is on the inside.” - Inspired by Abi Perry

#121. VIDEO. 33 POINTS. This submission may be 1 minute or less. Go to one of these places and have a local tell you the story of how the place got its name. https://www.instagram.com/sadtopographies/ The video must start with you next to a sign that identifies the location. -Tracy Liu

#122. PHOTO. 63 POINTS. We The People… are confused. Let’s update a dusty document and modernize it so everyone can understand the language. Grab some chalk, head outside and rewrite the US Constitution as street art. As Richard Dobbs Speight once said. “Bigger is better.”

#123. PHOTO. 29 POINTS. Have a child under 7 choose your outfit, do your makeup, and fix your hair. Then go grocery shopping with them. - Dawn Townsend

#124. PHOTO. 16 POINTS. Submit a screenshot. Create a website, blogpost, or in-depth social media post explaining an aspect of the elusive Miss Jean Louis’ biography. - Inspired by Holli DeWees

#125. PHOTO. 83 POINTS. This year was HRH's 90th birthday, but more importantly, it is the 7th anniversary of Misha Collins and The Queen’s torrid on-again, off-again relationship. I’d like to see a commemorative coin displayed in a fitting setting. Its value is one haypenny and this is not a drawing or a computer generated graphic. It’s a real, metal alloy coin commemorating this auspicious anniversary. - Inspired by Monica Duff

#126. PHOTO. 126 POINTS. On a desolate, dusty prairie, a ranch hand rescues the local school marm from a runaway horse. Create a drawing of Misha & the Queen of England in the Wild West. (You pick who plays the school marm and who plays the ranch hand.)

#127. PHOTO. 81 POINTS. Do the “airplane” with an astronaut— you know, like your parent used to? Lay on your back with your feet in the air while an astronaut lays face-down, with his or her hips on your feet, and with their hands in yours, pretending to be flying. This must be a real, official astronaut or cosmonaut, wearing appropriate flight garb. Caption the image with the astronaut’s name and number of hours in space. If you cannot find a qualified astronaut to perform this item, you may substitute Flava-Flav, Kanye West or any of the Kardashians. - Inspired by Dave Lavery

#128. VIDEO. 45 POINTS. At gishwhes headquarters, we do almost everything right, with one glaring exception: we have not yet commissioned a gishwhes theme-song. We need a catchy, 10-second jingle that we can play every time the Slangaroo takes the stage.

#129. PHOTO. 23 POINTS. Welcome to Slangatoilegami. You don’t see the phrases “Slangaroo”, “bathroom tissue”, and “origami” together nearly often enough. Let’s fix that. - Dave Lavery

#130. PHOTO. 64 POINTS. How do you plan to spend your extra second? http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/07/leap-second-added-year-december-time-clocks-earth-science/ Because you are an efficient person who treasures every moment you are blessed to be on this planet, you need to plan your extra second carefully to maximize its impact. Write a 250-word Op-Ed piece explaining exactly what you plan to do with your extra second and get it published in a newspaper. The piece must seamlessly include a mention of your team name and gishwhes without mentioning that the piece was written as an item for gishwhes.

#131. VIDEO. 75 POINTS. Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. 3-D printers are really cool. But who really needs another little keychain printed out of plastic? It is time to get creative with the materials used to print your next copy of the head of a Balrog. Show us a 3-D printer that prints with cheese (or Silly String, or toothpaste, or Play-Doh, etc…) - Dave Lavery

#132. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Seven days of happiness! Each day of gishwhes, do one thing to make someone else happy and document it. Each photo must be taken and submitted on a different day. On day one, you must submit a photo of what you have done on day one of the hunt to make someone else happy. For the item after this, you must submit on day two the image from day two, etc. This item and the 6 following items must be submitted on the corresponding day of the hunt to garner the points from that day... Submit for this item for Happiness DAY 1 (which must be submitted on day 1 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy? (Each day you must do something different for a different person, and it cannot be your teammates.)

#133. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Happiness DAY 2 (must be submitted on day 2 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#134. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Happiness DAY 3 (must be submitted on day 3 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#135. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Happiness DAY 4 (must be submitted on day 4 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#136. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Happiness DAY 5 (must be submitted on day 5 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#137. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Happiness DAY 6 (must be submitted on day 6 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#138. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. Happiness DAY 7 (must be submitted on day 7 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#139. PHOTO. 25 POINTS. We’re writing an e-book and we want you to do our work for us. There’s a habit that was hard for you to change, but you changed it anyway. What is the habit, and what is your number one piece of advice for making that change? Please submit an image of one paragraph of text.

#140. VIDEO. 97 POINTS. A functioning vending machine that dispenses emotions and memories. Show a customer making a purchase.

#141. VIDEO. 39 POINTS. This submission can be as long as it takes you to record it. Our music can change the world. Be part of the Gishwhes choir! Record a video selfie of yourself singing “Carry on my Wayward Son” a capella in the key of A. Your submitted recording must have “Once” starting precisely at the 1 second mark. The recording must also be in tune and on beat. (The submissions will be collected and edited into monstrous chorus.) Sing only the following portion of the song: “Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher But I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I'm dreaming I can hear them say... Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more.” (If you have already submitted this item in a different key or of different length you will receive your points for this).

#142. PHOTO. 51 POINTS. Submit two images, side-by-side. Contribute to the gishwhes world forest. Plant a native tree in a place you are fairly certain the tree can live out its full life. Submit before and after photos.

#143. PHOTO. 29 POINTS. As you may know, Rob Benedict & Richard Speight are currently in production on their new series, "Kings of Con", where they play MC's on the sci-fi convention circuit as the eponymous kings of conventions. What you may not know is that their agent messed up and booked King Kong and the Kings of Con to MC the same convention. Draw or paint these three giants of the con circuit trying to share the stage or green room. Either Rob or Rich should probably be the lithe damsel in distress.

#144. PHOTO. 27 POINTS. Submit two images, side-by-side. They say you regress to your childhood as you get older. Show us a photo from a part your childhood you’d most like to return to, and a photo of your current progress toward that regression.

#145. PHOTO. 18 POINTS. You hate finishing other people’s sentences, so doesn’t it make you laugh so hard you squirt milk out of your nose when you…

#146. VIDEO. 24 POINTS. Be the town crier for the day and shout what you think people should know about the day’s events in a public square.

#147. PHOTO. 31 POINTS. As we all know Matt Cohen is legendary for taking off his shirt to raise money for charity. His 6-pack abs have single-abdominally raised thousands of dollars for great organizations like www.randomacts.org. Let’s thank his abs for their altruistic humanitarian work by using Photoshop to digitally remove his abs and then place them on a vacation around the world. (Unfortunately Matt can’t make this trip himself as he’s busy shooting his TV show.) His abs can visit anywhere on the planet that you can capture in an image. Let’s make sure they have the proper tourist accessories, too.

#148. PHOTO. 57 POINTS. Art changes lives. Contribute to the gishwhes art gallery by submitting an image taken by you or of you that captures the notion of identity in the 21st century.

#149. PHOTO or VIDEO. 43 POINTS. Someone near you doesn’t have access to clean drinking water. Provide that person with the means to access clean water without purchasing bottled water (this might be by giving the person a filter, or a solar tea kettle, or something like that). If no one near you needs clean drinking water, we have something called the all-powerful Interwebs. You can buy a family clean drinking water for a year: http://lifestraw.eartheasy.com/products/lifestraw-carbon-credits. If no one lives near you and/or you don’t have funds to buy clean drinking water for someone, find another way to promote access to clean, safe water.

#150. PHOTO or VIDEO. 43 POINTS. Those moving sidewalks at the airport are treadmills, and you never exercise without your ipod, short shorts, a tank top and matching head and wristbands.

#151. PHOTO. 17 POINTS. Generate an application form for the job of “Director of Imagined Realities.”

#152. PHOTO. 36 POINTS. Write a poem in binary so that the zeros and ones also form a beautiful pattern.

#153. PHOTO. 314 POINTS. Secure a legitimate contract with any public or private space exploration company (Space X, NASA, etc) to send a payload into space containing a drawing and a message written on a single 8 ½” X 11” sheet of paper. The message must be addressed to the universe and must be written by a child. Submit your signed and countersigned, legitimate contract by the end of the Hunt. THEN (and this is the only thing that you will be permitted to submit after the official end of the hunt on August 6th), you must submit evidence by email to gishpayload@gishwhes.com that your payload was successfully launched into orbit. Email proof must be received by 11:59 PM PST September 5th, 2016.

#154. VIDEO. 93 POINTS. You’re on the 2016 Summer Olympics Trash Scull Crew Team! Build your scull out of trash. Your team of 3 rowers is led by a coxswain who bangs two pieces of trash together to keep the time. Row for the gold!

#155. VIDEO. 133 POINTS. Get a 2016 candidate for high-ranking national office (or someone currently in office) to say that they think preserving the habitat of the endangered Slangaroo is a top legislative priority. In the US, this person would need to be either running for President, VP, Senate or the House, or someone currently in office in one of those positions. In other countries it could be a prime minister (or a current head of state) or members of Parliament, etc. They must be candidates or elected officials on the national stage.

#156. VIDEO. 107 POINTS. gishwhes transcends the space-time continuum, bringing old technology to life in modern times to create cutting edge graphics! To demonstrate gishwhes’s ability to bridge time, create a program to display an animation of a gishwhes mascot using a TRS-80, Apple II, Commodore PET, or Commodore 64. ( You may not use an emulator. You must use the actual hardware, and the video must show the graphics playing on the screen of the computer in question.)

#157. PHOTO. 21 POINTS. William Shatner opted out of the Hunt this year due to “scheduling conflicts” (which we all know is code for “trouble in bromance paradise”). Help Shatner realize the egregious mistake he made by skipping the 2016 hunt by sending him 3 photo postcards featuring highlights of this year’s Hunt experience with “Having a wonderful time! Gish you were here, Bill!” Submit a photo of the 3 cards stamped and addressed to Bill. You can all ask him for his mailing address on twitter. He’d like that, I’m sure.

#158. VIDEO. 86 POINTS. If there’s one thing all of us over the age of 35 are nostalgic for it’s the rotary dial phone. We pine for that satisfaction of being able to insert our fingers in that hole and spin the dial. Help bring us back to those halcyon days: Make a smart-phone app that interfaces with a real, old-fashioned rotary phone. (Note: this must not be an app that renders a digital simulation of a rotary phone. It must be an app that somehow works in concert with an actual rotary phone.)

#159. PHOTO. 56 POINTS. Zachary Levi is one of a kind. But what would be better than Zachary Levi? A pair of Zachary Levis, naturally. Paint a portrait of Zachary Levi on a pair of jeans. (The jeans may be distressed, but the depiction of Zachary should not be.) Feel free to get Zachary to model the pants.

#160. VIDEO. 84 POINTS. http://gishwhes.tumblr.com/choosewisely

#161. VIDEO. 127 POINTS. Gishwhes is proud to premiere Amazon’s new shopping service, Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™ (ARSPNODF™)! Forget the old business model of customers buying things from online megastores and having to wait for almost a whole day for delivery. With this new service, customers can now ship merchandise to any Amazon senior executive directly through our patented Swift Drone Delivery Service™. With Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™, the Amazon executives can receive packages from customers conveniently just outside their own office buildings in under one hour. Get Jeff Bezos or any Amazon senior executive to send you a timestamped email ordering a small, lightweight, used item from your home to be delivered by ARSPNODF™. Using a drone as the delivery mechanism, deliver the item ordered to the executive (who must be waiting for their package outside their office building) office in less than one hour. Submit the original order along with a timestamped photo of your happy customer with their item delivered by drone. Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™. It’s so easy!

#162. VIDEO. 69 POINTS. Here is your item: https://www.dropbox.com/s/367yaonidvn5rqb/slfwxuhsxccoh.jpg?dl=0

#163. VIDEO. 114 POINTS. Time-lapse this submission to 30 seconds or less. Set up a thin, flat, smooth, vertical surface that is at least 3’ high and 3’ wide, (it could be made from 1/8th inch plywood or a similar material that is very thin and very flat). Then, behind this thin, vertical surface, set up powerful electromagnets that spell a word or phrase (make sure to reverse or mirror the letters so that on the front side they are correctly positioned--this might make sense in a second). Then, take a mass of iron filings (a minimum of 1 cubic foot of filings) and pour them through a funnel that is positioned at least 20 inches horizontally in front of the vertical sheet so that when the filings fall through the funnel they are drawn to the magnets and adhere to the sheet. Film the time-lapse as the iron filings fall and cling to the vertical surface to gradually form the word or phrase that the magnets spell out. If that doesn’t make sense (and I know it doesn’t), here’s a little diagram for you: https://www.dropbox.com/s/lahvg70sph9l7t0/diagram_2.jpg?dl=0 Do not attempt this item unless you have worked with electromagnets of this wattage before or have an electrician on hand who has. They can be dangerous.

#164. PHOTO. 17 POINTS. We have Declared August 1st to be a new international holiday: It’s Retro Twitter Day. Retweet something you posted 4 years ago today with a comment. Hashtag it #RetroTwitterDay.

#165. VIDEO. 42 POINTS. Few things are more wayward than dancing with wild abandon in public. You know who's super good at that? These guys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elKgDE5gc9I Find them. Join them. Let them inspire your choreography and costuming. Bonus points for inducting innocent bystander or use of an obscure 80s alternative dance tune soundtrack. Dance like nobody's watching. Except we all are -Kim Rhodes

#166. PHOTO. 32 POINTS. Being #WaywardAF sometimes means being #BadassAF. Take a picture of you doing something you have ALWAYS wanted to do but were afraid to try. Caption your photo with a short explanation and post it to Twitter tagging @OfficialBrianaB and @kimrhodes4real. - Briana Buckmaster and Kim Rhodes

#167. PHOTO. 46 POINTS. Justin Guarini can be a "Lil Sweet" at times: http://www.dietdrpepper.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwry8BRDjsbjMpPSDvagBEiQA5oW0nCKHz838Mz7MBDeTb_x_W9puq-FTaSHe9wyyAv2TwHcaAjEq8P8HAQ Using nothing but forced perspective and a disproportionately large, “weird, unusual or scary” object that you wouldn’t want to be smaller than, make yourself look tiny.

#168. PHOTO. 33 POINTS. At Hope Chest they create butterflies and transform lives http://www.myhopechest.org/ Channeling your inner Monet, pen a message of hope with colored ink on a white bra. Then, channel your inner supermodel and stage a public photo shoot of someone wearing this “support undergarment." (You may wear a shirt underneath it if you prefer and you must adhere to local laws. Please note that Gishwhes does not provide bail money.) Once completed, submit your image on the gishwhes website and also tweet to @MyHopeChest your awesome results on the final day of the game. Extra points for incorporating butterflies into the design. - Ruth Connell

#169. VIDEO. 28 POINTS. Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Join The Hunt, and wear sensible shoes. Grab a friend and go for a walk. A really, really long walk. Unlock the 2.0KM, 5.0KM and 10.KM Poke Eggs and show us what you've hatched. Capture the journey in a 20 second time-lapse video and submit to Gishwhes. Extra Points if you photo grab your hatchlings and ping @OsricChau with a map of your travels. - Osric Chau

#170. VIDEO. 45 POINTS. Everyone knows Gishers throw the most badass recycling parties. Invite ten of your rockstar friends to help you collect litter from a park, roadside location, or public space. You must EACH collect 20lbs of debris, and dispose of it appropriately. Show us a 15 second montage of the festivities. (Extra points for recycling— and don’t forget, it’s a party!). - Lana Parrilla

#171. VIDEO. 44 POINTS. Time to prove you are the person Mr. Rogers knew you were capable of becoming. Ask an overwhelmed mom or elderly neighbor for a list of five chores they could use some help with. Show us that list and you getting them all checked off.

#172. PHOTO. 41 POINTS. Misha loves to travel, but between filming, gishing, and that thing we never talk about in front of polite company, he hasn’t had much time lately. Help Misha out by cosplaying as him in front of one of the 7 modern wonders of the world. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New7Wonders_of_the_World No photo manipulation — you have to really be there.

#173. VIDEO. 42 POINTS. You may have heard about a little show called Hamilton. Lin Manuel Miranda lit up Broadway with his innovative style, combining traditional theater and rap to engage delighted theater goers with the story of history’s hippest Founding Father. But that was just a big “win all the 2016 Tonys” ploy. We want to hear and see– in full costume a rap song about another historical figure important to you. Upload a 15 second video on the site AND send it to @Lin_Manuel.

#174. PHOTO. 62 POINTS. We here at gishwhes feel that it’s important to embrace A.I. because - let’s be honest - it just feels good. We also feel it’s important to be able to identify species other than our own when the time comes (soon) that aliens arrive (likely borough or splatter) on our planet. If we can’t make these differentiations, we put ourself at extreme risk of interstellar species misidentification (a plight none of us should be subjected to nor a party of). Accordingly, please treat this item and the ensuing exercise with the respect and devotion it deserves. You’ll also get points. So there’s that. If that’s still not enough, know that this is part of a legitimate research paper that will further scientific research methods worldwide. If it’s not clear, Gishwhes likes supporting science in addition to stormtrooper humiliation, weird food art, and global kindness. http://ubee.enseeiht.fr:8080/PartsSimilarity/home.html

#175. PHOTO. 108 POINTS. CHANGE A LIFE. According to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), 4.8 million people have fled Syria since the civil war began in 2011. (Over 6 million others are internally displaced within Syria.) Many of these families are living in tent cities and encampments with very few resources and very difficult lives. Gishwhes and Random Acts would like to team with Gishers across the globe to help change the lives of FOUR families in particularly dire circumstances in refugee camps in Lebanon. The first is a family where a mother of 4, Khouloud, was paralyzed from the neck down by a sniper's bullet while tending her vegetable garden. For two years, she has been unable to leave the tented shack she shares with her family in a refugee encampment in Lebanon. The second is the family of a 12-year old girl, Khawla, who attempted suicide so that her mother would have one less mouth to feed (the father is presumed dead by the Syrian government). The third is a widowed mother, Reem Diab, who lost her husband, child and her leg in a rocket attack and who lives in a tent on a rooftop in Lebanon. And lastly, we want to help, Aya Sokheyta, a 7-year old girl with spina bifida, who cannot move her legs. Our goal is to provide healthcare and comfort for the individuals in the families above that require it, nutritional food and permanent housing for, and provide the means for all of the children to attend school. We’ve created a Crowdrise page here https://www.crowdrise.com/change-a-life-khoulouds-story. DONATIONS ARE 100% TAX DEDUCTIBLE AND 100% OF THE DONATIONS GOES TO THE FAMILIES (for countries other than U.S., deductions are contingent on your laws). The Gishwhes Item is to create a fundraising “page” for your team, where family, friends and others can donate. Since this is Gishwhes and there’s always an extra twist with everything we do, here’s the deal: we also want you to get OTHERS to donate to your team’s crowdrise page. We know you don’t need “points” as an incentive to help these families, but since it is part of the Hunt, we want to maximize the power of these points to help: start a page and try to get at least 10 donations from people or businesses NOT on your team. You and your team members are welcome to donate to your campaign, but that is not a requirement for points— the Item requirement is to get at least 10 people to make a cumulative total of least 10 donations who are NOT on your team. There is no minimum to donate for GISHWHES purposes, but Crowdrise does require a minimum $10 donation be collected, and let’s all please encourage others to be generous so we can make a profound impact. SUBMIT a screenshot of your team's page with a minimum of 10 donations on it. (To initially create a fundraising team, click the FUNDRAISE FOR THIS CAMPAIGN button.). If for any reason your team is unable to (or chooses not to) join this crowdrise campaign, you may still get points for this Item by collecting goods or volunteering at least 2 hours of your time with any refugee aid organization that is providing relief to refugees. SUBMIT PROOF YOU HAVE DONE THIS. For example, Spark Ontario’s Warm Welcome program (http://www.findmyspark.ca/warmwelcome), Deutsche Kleiderstiftung (Clothing Foundation) in Germany (http://www.kleiderstiftung.de/kleidung-spenden/ ), or ref.connect’s cultural integration program (http://www.refconnect.de/de/about/konzept.html) in Germany. You do not need to use these specific programs to qualify for points; these are just examples— any legitimate organization helping refugees is acceptable. Thank you for being a part of this. We hope you join us in helping to change these families’ circumstances for the better and we will be sending Gishers updates on their situation in the coming months and years.

#176. PHOTO. 48 POINTS. Every year William Shatner hosts The Hollywood Horse show celebrating the unique and special work of therapeutic riding animals. http://www.horseshow.org/ It's about time your freeloader pet got a job and moved out. Show us their career trajectory by writing a formal resume highlighting their special skills and qualifications. Post it on LinkedIn. Get ten people to give a recommendation.

#177. VIDEO. 69 POINTS. Not everyone knows this, but legendary outlaw Doc Holliday was a dentist. Crochet a gunslinger's belt worthy of Doc Holliday out of dental floss. Instead of a gun, your holsters hold a toothbrush, of course. Draw! (And don't skip the gumline.)

#178. VIDEO. 71 POINTS. Time-lapse your submission where appropriate. We're looking for Gishers to be product testers for our new line of powerful breath-defying mints! If you received a barf bag & mints last year, this Item is for you. Create a 25 second video in which you create the most unappealing (but still safe to consume) "mouthwash" you can from food items, condiments and drinks. Really make it a stomach-churning, disgusting combination of edible products—for example, chocolate milk, mayonnaise, pureed anchovies and orange juice. Then, use the mouthwash on yourself. Make sure to gargle! Finally, use on of our Gishwhes patented breath-defying mints and give a loved one a kiss. Rate the product on whether your loved one needed to use the barf bag after locking lips with you. (If you did not get a patented trademarked gishwhes barf bag & mints, then you are part of our control group and may complete this item with any barf bag and some probably inferior, commercially available breath mints.)

[max-cant-dream]

i should also sleep

1.Who was the last person you held hands with? zach-o

2. Are you outgoing or shy? I don’t know, shy I think

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? MY GECKO 

4. Are you easy to get along with? Don’t tread

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? and clean the puke up too

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? people who are open to any lifestyle, people who have weird schedules. 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? from the same gender? zach and murc

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nah

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? e-lise

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “also I gave the awful din 2 bucks cuz I’m a whimp for small bands”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? -folk punk by awful din   -lowlives by the dirty nil   -fuck shit up by ghost mice    -beach community by joyce manor     -believe by TUI

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes pls

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I believe it can give you a mindset that helps

15. What good thing happened this summer? fuck man it’s been so long. Grad?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? absolutely

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? for sure

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? sometimes. preschool was rough.

19. Do you like bubble baths?  hell no

20. Do you like your neighbours? mostly

21. What are you bad habits? rushing and overreacting

22. Where would you like to travel? everywhere but like Europe, Australia, and central Africa, and maybe a US roadtrip.

23. Do you have trust issues? do I?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? cereal 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my back or legs

26. What do you do when you wake up? take 50 years to turn off my alarm

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? idk

28. Who are you most comfortable around? elyse

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? lol 

30. Do you ever want to get married? don’t knoe

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? not even close

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? john cena and john cener 

33. Spell your name with your chin. cvweoler

34. Do you play sports? What sports? snowboard, skateboard, hockey(?), tennis

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yeah

37. What do you say during awkward silences? you’re supposed to say something?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Will destroy me in the pit and then help me back up

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? The source, sloth?

40. What do you want to do after high school? Already out, I wanna chill and go to shows.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Most people

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m probably thinking

43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My alarm out of reach

46. What are you paranoid about? The world hates me right

47. Have you ever been high? yeah

48. Have you ever been drunk? yeah

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red and black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? probably

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My fucking LISP

53. Favourite makeup brand? nadda

54. Favourite store? Sloth

55. Favourite blog? stonequake (stole this from her)

56. Favourite colour? purple

57. Favourite food? poutine?

58. Last thing you ate? old cake

59. First thing you ate this morning? cereal

60. Ever won a competition? For what? nope

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? nope

62. Been arrested? For what? no but sidenote go call a peace officer a shithead today

63. Ever been in love? without a doubt I am

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? preschool, got heated under the train in the red room. 

65. Are you hungry right now? I always am

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? People do that?

67. Facebook or Twitter? no thanks

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? no

70. Names of your best friends? I love all my friends

71. Craving something? chocolate

72. What colour are your towels? purple and black

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 3

75. Favourite animal? wolf probably

76. What colour is your underwear? red

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? cheesecake

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey

80. What colour pants? black

81. Favourite tv show? lie to me 

82. Favourite movie? idk 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? 1

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 jump street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? The lil quiet one

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? seagulls

87. First person you talked to today? elyse

88. Last person you talked to today? also elyse

89. Name a person you hate? one guy at bt

90. Name a person you love? ez

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yeah

92. In a fight with someone? no

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 1

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 600000

95. Last movie you watched? zootopia lol

96. Favourite actress? idk

97. Favourite actor? ^

98. Do you tan a lot? a bit

99. Have any pets? soon :)

100. How are you feeling? happy

101. Do you type fast? no

102. Do you regret anything from your past? it’s not like I can change it

103. Can you spell well? w-e-l-l

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yeah

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? and hosted

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? don’t know

107. Have you ever been on a horse? never will be

108. What should you be doing? sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now? no 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? i think

111. Do you have trust issues? do you?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? elyse

113. What was your childhood nickname? didn’t have one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah

115. Do you play the Wii? yeAH

116. Are you listening to music right now? no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes

118. Do you like Chinese food? yeah

119. Favourite book? civilization and its discontents

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no I embrace

121. Are you mean? I’m an asshole not a douchebag

122. Is cheating ever okay? Depends on the situation but not with intention

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? No shoes are safe

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? a bit

125. Do you believe in true love? for sure

126. Are you currently bored? yep

127. What makes you happy? going to shows, my friends and gf, skateboarding, editing, waking up early

128. Would you change your name? nah

129. What your zodiac sign? the fish one lol who cares

130. Do you like subway? fuckin yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? chill them out

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? zach

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “When I’ve had all that i could stand please burn this body down to ash. Take me to the gulf of mexico, open the lid and let me go”

134. Can you count to one million? what a waste

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I played for the Calgary Flames in kindergarten 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

137. How tall are you? 5′10

138. Curly or Straight hair? straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? yes

140. Summer or Winter? summer i think

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? may

143. Are you a vegetarian? lol no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?

147. Mars or Snickers?

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line? “Arnett quized the prisoners on the rules.”

[hunnicosplay]

I’m sorry

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

um this boi
2. Are you outgoing or shy?

rlly rlly rlly depends on the situation and people
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

ofc bae and this other person 
4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

lmao what
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

don’t be a ass ; being sweet/kind is hot
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

honestly i hope to ? But we aren’t sure so 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Refer to person from above
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? depends who it’s with
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

a friend 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I know fuck u
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Jessi J - Down

Prince of Egypt - The Plagues

AOA - Super Duper

Momoland - Baam

(G)I-DLE - Latata
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes in every way like (kinK)
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

lmao what
15. What good thing happened this summer?

Seeing bae ! and going to china
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes tbh 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

no i know the universe is all expanding and shit but i don’t
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

fuck that was in ugly middle school we don’t relive those fuck days 
19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes ? 
20. Do you like your neighbors?

tbh don’t know them that well but they have cute dogs
21. What are you bad habits?

procrastination, the oldest trick in the book
22. Where would you like to travel?

Ah so many places like the dream three places would be Korea, Japan, and either Hong Kong or shanghai
23. Do you have trust issues?

next question 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleeping or having dinner with myself bc I can’t cancel thAT AGAIN
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my stomach or my legs bc ew fuck
26. What do you do when you wake up?

sleep some more
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

tbh i used to wish my skin was lighter but now i don’t really care that much 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?

bae in all honesty and my friend in Dallas bc i know you both won’t judge me
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

daring for you to assume i ever dated
30. Do you ever want to get married?

? maybe ? 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yup i have small Bebe one on my head
32. Which celebrities would youhave a threesome with?

you’d prob already know who?

like peak would be felton & hiddleston or stan is a fine ass snacc
33. Spell your name with your chin.

but revealing my true identity would be weird to beef 
34. Do you play sports? What sports?

golf but apparently some don’t assume it’s a sport so
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

fuck tv
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

lmao next
37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i am weird asf moving on
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

again?? um just be fun and sweet
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

forever21, h&m, fashion nova, pacsun
40. What do you want to do after high school?

travel
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

? hm
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

we’re either having a staring contest or im awkward
43. Do you smile at strangers?

unless you a snacc nope 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

both? but the ocean more bc ahh i love the ocean
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

food give me food
46. What are you paranoid about?

the dark. After ive watched a horror movie
47. Have you ever been high?

nope bc jm an angel
48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope well maybe idk 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

why reveal now
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black
51. Ever wished you were someone else?

maybe a rich family will adopt me, Im cUte
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

skinnier, So vane : vain how do u spell shit?
53. Favourite makeup brand?

lime crime or colour pop
54. Favourite store?

again? refer to above many questions ago
55. Favourite blog?

tbh ours and my personal is ok
56. Favourite colour?

black or red or white
57. Favourite food?

asian food 
58. Last thing you ate?

ice cream bc ifat
59. First thing you ate this morning?

?? didn’t eat
60. Ever won a competition? For what?

bold of you to assume im talented ; oh wait golf
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

what are they gonna do?

expEl me ?
62. Been arrested? For what?

no 
63. Ever been in love?

no ones love me 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

since IM a Hoe ; it was one of my FWB but it was nice ; we went to the movies and we cuddled and we well kissed
65. Are you hungry right now?

25/8 always hunger
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my real friends and tumblr ones
67. Facebook or Twitter?

garbage or garage
68. Twitter or Tumblr?

garage or memes

memes
69. Are you watching tv right now?

no
70. Names of your bestfriends?

beef, david, cameron, kathryn, timmy(demon child), this friend in dallas
71. Craving something? What?

mm food
72. What colour are your towels?

white ? 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

4 bc i Need SoFt
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

since I’m like 5 yrs old yes
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I can’t count fthat high sorry
75. Favourite animal?

snake or or dog
76. What colour is your underwear?

black & grey
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

ChcoLate
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mint chocolate chip you can fight me
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

blue as the ocean 
80. What colour pants?

Bold of to assume I’m wearing pants
81. Favourite tv show?

criminal minds or leverage
82. Favourite movie?

hm that’s too hard for me sorrt
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

oops
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

oops x2
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

oops x3
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the seagulls or the fishes from the fish tank
87. First person you talked to today?

the brothers
88. Last person you talked to today?

the brother
89. Name a person you hate?

stars with m and ends with aegan
90. Name a person you love?

oh
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

does myself count
92. In a fight with someone?what a surprise no, well only if this is a physical fight
93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one I think?