#Yeah we were fucked over and our family suffered a lack of knowledge of who wer were but that doesn't give us the right to do it to others

[royalberryriku]

The more I learn about the history of the middle east in general, the more I realise that the "Israel-Palestine conflict" is actually just a group killing their own fellow shared ethnic group who are "too brown".

Hebrews and Arabs both originate from Phoenicians, aka "Abraham's descendents" according to their respective oral stories and passed on histories. They are from the same place and people. However, there is a narrative that twists this and claims that Arabs were "always an outside force that invaded", when the various groups within that ethnicity always had their share of cooperation and conflict in various stages of history. Just like, say, the various groups in France. They were of the same group and no particular ethnicity had no more of a "claim" to the land than the other, they just had their beef and eventually integrated.

So when I see "but the Arabs are colonisers" I can't help but ask; what is a colonisers to you? Seriously. If colonisation means "any conflict in the past between a shared group from the same place" every single group would be colonisers. There's no such thing as "an innocent conflict" where atrocities weren't committed by either side. So please get that out of your head if you want to say "but the Arabs did X, Y, Z to the Hebrews so it's colonisation and they don't belong in A, B or C areas". That's just not how colonisation works. It's like calling TERF or cis a slur when they're not. Conflict between the same people from the same area is, yeah, a conflict hit not colonisation. However, a people who are from a completely different place who want to erase an ethnic group and take over their culture, erase their history and get rid of their physical features? Yeah, that's what colonisation is. It's genocide with the aim to erase a specific group or culture and take it and the land over. For example, the British in the Middle East.

The problem with calling Arabs "colonisers" is not only is it completely historically wrong, they're from the same place and have the same origins as the Hebrews, but they (like Palestinian Jews) have been their since before the British came. Compared to European Jews who came later on after having lived in Europe (and became European as that is genuinely a part of their culture and ethnicity as well and shouldn't be erased or forgotten, that's also cultural erasure of Germanic, Polish, etc traditions passed on) and, sure, do have origins there *as well* but it needs to be understood that they, specifically Zionists, are a part of the British colonial project aimed at killing *both* Arabs and Jews. The point isn't to help Jews against a colonisers from the first few centuries (sorry to tell you everyone, but no, the Ottoman Empire, Baylon and the Pharaohs literally do not exist anymore, like how Italy isn't the Roman Empire by default because that's where Rome is), but a group of people who've just been living there for the past few centuries and generations who just want to live. The problem is, they haven't been allowed that and propaganda keeps being pushed that completely jumps around historical facts like, for example, Jews (ethnically speaking) were not always Jews but the Ancient Hebrews, aka, Phoenicians, aka where Arabs came from ethically. They are the same people, just who moved to different areas and developed different cultures and languages. Sort of like, you know, every other nation with specific dialects for specific regions and different cultures and folk stories depending on where you go.

The point is, so much of Jewish history is actively being erased to "protect the Jews" by...commuting cultural genocide of the Jews and Arabs. It ignores the actual impact of Nazism within Israel's formation and history, how much it influenced policy, how Jews who were "too visibly Phoenicians" aka appeared too Jewish or arabic or middle eastern in appearance were deemed as "weaker" and "lesser" for my surviving the holocaust and used as a reason to deny rights to both Jews and Arabs who were too visibly Semitic. It ignores how antisemetic Israel is towards Jewishness and how utterly antisemetic Islamophobia is because they are literally from the same origin and, yes, hatred and fear of one does carry into hatred and fear of the other. So much of the propaganda and denialism of history happening right now is a direct response to dear and hatred of "big noses", "brown skin" and people deemed as too middle eastern because they, just like in World War II, World War I and beforehand, antisemetism is the backbone of British imperialism and conquest of the middle east (yes, this also means a targeting of Arabs and Jews as people who look a specific way). And yes I'm annoyed and yes this is a ramble that's probably not very coherent, but damn I'm so sick and tired of misinformation and the twisting of everything to suit this narrative of "Arabs versus Jews" as if they aren't both just Semites who are being collectively oppressed, erased and reinvented by the west to suit western ends.

[ojiilemon]

I doubt i’m adding anything to this but Imma add in my two cents.

I was raised in a conservative environment. My family wasn’t fanatical or removed from secular life but because of taught prejudice and family trauma, we were more center and even crossed over to the right (I used to parrot that I was “fiscally conservative” because I didn’t have the knowledge I do now and I wanted some way to connect with my more conservative friends and family.)

I can tell you now, even though I was centrist and teetering back then, these ideas WERE extreme. Not extreme in the grand scheme of things, but extreme to someone who had a vastly different perception of reality than I do now. I can say confidently that this isn’t a misunderstanding.

Conservatives and centrists /do/ take this at face value. They aren’t stupid. They know what “extremist leftists” want. They just fundamentally disagree that we should do that.

A lot of leftists make the mistake of thinking it’s flawed logic or reasoning or a lack of education. “It’s so simple. Why don’t they understand that all we want is zyz.”

They do. They just don’t believe that these things are rights. They believe that suffering is choice or sin based. They believe in a meritocracy and that everything that does or doesn’t happen is deserved and is destiny.

If we don’t have air to breathe in 20 years? We must have deserved it. If you can’t go to school or have debt? It’s your fault.

We are operating on fundamentally different core beliefs and that is why we, the people on the left who honestly aren’t asking for much, are extreme. Because our core values dictate that we help others and that the above suffering is needless and truly, not based on moral failing.

People don’t have an easy time changing their core beliefs. That’s why the ultra wealthy who are puppeteering the movement want to keep people isolated from each other and to stop diversity. because when you are continuously subjected to people around you who have different core beliefs, you’re more likely to change.

It’s why conservatives hate “secular life”. They’ve been trained and conditioned to so that their core beliefs of meritocracy stay stable and unchanging. It’s a manufactured cult by billionaires and it truly is difficult to get out if you have no support system. And many people in rural communities do not have that.

I’m slowly learning, as much as I fucking hate to admit it, that we have to use kindness and understanding and an olive branch. We have to literally use the modern deprogramming playbook. Plant a seed of doubt. Ask questions. Offer support and community. And people will break ranks. But they need to know that theres some sort of a safety net when they jump out of the nest.

We need to focus on building community with each other. With people we don’t like. And honestly, I know a lot of people don’t have the spoons for it. I know that it’s not fair that marginalized people have to do so much extra leg work all the damn time. I hate it and it makes me angry. But anger is easy. And anger is going to unfortunately push people further into conservatism because they feel attacked. They don’t have the empathy and capacity to understand why we’re angry and hurt because of them.

It’s the unfortunate reality of having such a widespread cult movement that society has accepted as “normal and acceptable.”

So yeah. It’s gonna suck. I’m gonna have to go deliver my extra garden produce to my conservative neighbors to plant a seed of doubt. “Oh. our transmasc neighbor isn’t a fucking monster? Huh…” Or that’s the hope. It’s not easy and I can’t expect other people to do that. But it’s the reality we’re currently working with.

also Im not checking spelling or grammar on this i’m in bed with a pressure headache and shit. lmao

[aro-is-gay-af]

Why do I think Resume will end up with Volturi - an attempt to explain Bella/Renesmee relationship

As within the fandom nobody likes Renee (no wonder why) I'd like to make an attempt at explaining to y'all what's like to have a parent like her (because I've got the same problem) and why this is going to cause problem over the years between Bella and Renesmee. This post will include such things as explaining:

why being in a relationship like this is so tiresome

what kind of effect has it on Bella

why Bella is just the same towards Renesmee as her mother was to her

why Bella and Renessme dynamics as mother/daughter aren't as fantastic

why is it so probable that Renesmee will eventually join the Volturi and what may be her reasons to do so.

1. Someone, who's never been in the kind of relationship that Bella and Renee have, is not going to catch up quickly with the point that I'm making in this post. Why? Because it's hard to imagine yourself being in an abusive or neglectful relationship with a person, who is a close relative of yours. You never want to acknowledge that something is wrong and instead, you're trying to find excuses for the person's abusive behavior. Fandom agrees on the fact, that Renee is, at best, neglectful of Bella, while at worst, she's downright abusive. I agree with both statements and in a moment you'll know why. You also need to know that everything I'll write here is from my experience from being in such a relationship hence it doesn't mean everyone will have the same experiences as myself. Now, why is such a relationship so tiresome and you struggle to find your true self in it? In my case, very similarly to Bella, I became responsible for things I shouldn't be responsible for at a very young age. I didn't have the time to actually be a kid because I needed to handle "adult responsibilities". When you have adults' responsibilities you lose something beyond reclaim. You'll never go back to your childhood and be a child once again. I was forced, not only to handle myself, but also my brother and mother, and our household. I didn't have time to do most things that kids do cause I was taking care of my brother, or my mother, or doing chores, or anything that was supposed to be done by adults, except it wasn't. While all of this made me extremely responsible, it also made me anxious, bitter towards my parents and I suffered from depression for a long time. I read somewhere that Bella is exaggerating and it's normal to help your parents within the house, to have responsibilities. The problem here is that Renee is Bella's responsibility in the same way my mother and brother were mine. You cannot give this up because you're too responsible but it also eats you from the insides. Also, if I remember correctly, Bella says somewhere in the book that she doesn't mind this because that's how things are for a long time. That's exactly what I'm talking about! When such responsibilities are forced on you at a very young age, you accept it and think it is natural. It isn't. Adult are adults, and kids should be kids, not kids forced into adulthood.

2. + 3. When you don't have time to be a child and you're forced into the adult world, there's always going to be some consequences that you cannot foresee prior. To Bella it ended actually sadly - we can see in the book, as well as in the movie, that Renesmee is almost as an accessory to Bella. Sure, Bella dies for her, but what else? Renesmee is described as mature and serious, she doesn't want to do things that kids usually do. Why? Smeyer made her this way, yeah, but apart from that, it's because Bella cannot handle a kid. The idea of full family appeared to her because she never had it herself. And while she admits that she doesn't even want children in Eclipse, suddenly in Breaking Dawn we see her change her mind completely. All she ever wanted was a) Edward and b) to be a vampire. So when she has these two goals achieved, why would she even bother with Renesmee? So Resume is mature enough and growing up quickly to relieve Bella from the burden of maternity.

4. Also, I'm not saying that Bella doesn't love Renesmee. Of course she does. Renesmee, also, loves her dearly. It's the same dynamics as between my and my mother, and between Bella and Renee. Bella loves Renne but needs to take care of her and be the responsible adult™. It also tires her, as she needs to think about how to handle the business in the most effective (and cheapest) way.

I think we can establish by now that love has nothing to do with this. So, because of her childhood and the poor illustrations of how relationships should work, Bella is exactly the same towards Renesmee as Renee (and partially Charlie) was to her. She thinks Renesmee is able to handle herself fine - she's constantly throwing at us proves that Renesmee is mature enough to do almost everything adults do. It's bullshit, of course, but Bella isn't aware of that. It's how she was brought up (or it's rather the lack of bringing her up by responsible adult) and she thinks it's the best way to fulfill parental duties.

As I said earlier, Bella is all smiles because she's got what she wanted - Edward and immortality. Yeah, it's great she has a daughter too, but like... hello, it's Edward and her and they have forever so why to bother with a child. It'll somehow work itself out. I will not ponder here on Edward being a father and how I see his relationship with Renesmee, however, I don't think it's pretty healthy either. Also, I need to add here, that Renesmee at least, has others (I mean other Cullens) who have probably more patience and time to actually raise a child. I think, and it's only a headcanon so take it easy, that Renesmee has excellent relationship with Rosalie. Rose will not treat her as adult - she'll prolong Renesmee's childhood as much as she's able to. She has time, patience, will and all love for her, so I think they're pretty close, and it would be a good, as well as a healthy relationship.

5. The older Renesmee will get, the more she'll be able to understand. Maybe the Cullens (and I hope it would turn out this way) would spare her this "being a premature adult" thing but her relationship with Bella will never be as close as she'd probably wish to. Sometimes, love isn't enough to keep up with the relationship and the shit that's going on around you constantly. One day, Renesmee will go to high school, then to university and then? Who the hell knows. She won't necessarily be with Bella. Sure, she'll be always her daughter, but she's not her property. At some point, Renesmee'll be mature enough to decide whether she wants to stay with her family, or travel, or join another coven. What I think, is that Bella won't be happy about it at all. Right now she has her fairy tale. She sacrificed nothing. She's living the life of her dreams with a man of her utmost desire. She has a child, even though vampires aren't suppose to have ones. What will happen if there will be a crack in her tale? Long, nasty cracks, throughout the wall. This is when I get to the point that Bella has no fucking clue what mess she got herself into (but that's for another post).

6. Holy Grail now. Lord, I'm always making this so long, this was supposed to be brief. Okay. So why do I think Renesmee will end up with the Volturi? A few reasons off the top of my head:

※ at some point Jacob will die and Charlie will die, and she'll now what's grief and how hard it is to go on. Yeah, yeah, I know that Jacob is also immortal right now, but he'll probably be killed while protecting Renesmee or Bella. I always think of their relationship as brother/sister because I cannot stand the imprinting shit Smeyer gave us. Also, I think I don't need to explain Charlie here. Renesmee will be devastated by both of these deaths and she'll have to come to terms with herself eventually. I guarantee you that she'll not be the same after that.

※ relationship with her parents. I briefly explained what I had on my mind when it comes to Bella. Renesmee loves her mother but that doesn't mean they'll have healthy and exemplary relationship. Sure, they can work on that, they have eternity but I think that at one point Renesmee will be fed up with the way how her mother is in love with eternity itself. Her relationship with Edward, as I said, is for another post, however I think with time it can get pretty hard. Could you live with the thought that your own father didn't want you? That he regretted that you exist at all? I don't think so. (Yeah, I'm simplifying, but I need to, so don't hate me for this).

※ Cullen coven can break or partially break. @therealvinelle talked about it here a little bit but that's also what I have in mind. Cullens are fairly young coven, with pretty unknown dynamics as we don't get to know them that much through saga (thanks Smeyer for not dwelling on it further). It isn't said anywhere that they'll last next century, not to think about more time passing.

※ she'll be fed up with constantly living with the humans. Imagine you need to constantly move, go to school/college and abide the rules that you didn't agree on in the first place. At first its great, Renesmee has time and reasources to flourish but she can also do that without anoyone else.

※ she has rampant hunger for knowledge. Where to find more books and more knowledge than in Volterra? Simple as it is.

※ she may not find vegetarian diet... sustainable for her. Remember how she was delighted when she drank first Bella's blood and than human blood in general? I think she can go on for some time on vegetarian diet plus/or human diet (if she was to attend i.e. med school which of course I think she would) but after some time, maybe a century, maybe less and maybe more, she'll eventually come to terms that she enjoyed drinking human blood. That's it. She's half vampire by descent. I don't think she'll be able to resist that much , also because everyone taught her from day one she could have what she asked for in a blink of an eye (remember Esme's spoons?).

AND most important (at least for me)

※ her worldview will completely change after a few/a lot of tragical experiences. Sorry, that's just common knowledge. Life is brutal, people are vicious and ruthless. She'll probably work or go somewhere, where she can see what humans are capable of (both in good and bad ways) and what one can do to achieve their goal. I think she'll go to Volturi to simply find comfort there. They've been alive for three thousand years. They can teach her things Cullen's aren't even aware of. Besides, I think it would be a great political move. We all know Aro wanted to know her so bad. If he would, she'll probably be able to influence him to some extent and spare her loved ones if it'd go that far. That's it! Of course, it's fucking long as hell. Sorry for that. Comment if you wish. I cannot wait if you think the same, similar or if you disagree completely! But no hate, please. Professionals have standards™.

[nemesis729]

I would love, love, love to read your full thoughts ❤

Okay, *cracks fingers*, sit tight because this may be a beast to type out and it may take a few more rereads and some block quotes for me to do a full in-depth analysis. Translation: I’m going to try to do a full-on essay with this because there’s a lot to unpack.

Really, it all boils down to one thing. Billy has a lot to learn. That’s basically been my thought since Reader called it quits at the gala. 

Since the inception of the arrangement, Billy kept the reader at arms’ length. The Reader was aware enough (due to her childhood, most likely) that Billy would run for the hills if anything resembling emotions and relationships were to enter the equation. So, of course, she decided to settle for what he could give her. Okay, yeah, it’s amazing sex but, after a while, it can leave a person cold if there’s little to no emotion involved. In any case, after the wake-up call, Reader decides that she wants more than the scraps and isn’t willing to settle for what he’s giving her. When she ends it with Billy, he’s completely blind-sided because, all of a sudden, without him noticing, Reader is showing that she isn’t as biddable as he expected her to be. I wouldn’t be surprised if, at the gala, he expected her to fall in line when he had her up against a column. 

Anyway, I digress. If anything, because Reader was easy-going in his eyes and he didn’t care enough to observe her during the almost-year of their arrangement, I shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t understand why she ended things. Seriously, you can’t just pay attention to what’s being said. You also have to pay attention to what’s not being said. 

That’s kind of what I wanted to rant about for chapters 1 through 3. This essentially sums up Billy’s thoughts on the reader:

Up until last Saturday, you had barely been a blip on his radar. Sure you guys were fuck buddies and he liked your easygoing personality, but the thing he appreciated most about you was that you were low maintenance. You didn’t demand anything from him emotionally and that meant he didn’t have to put in any effort into the relationship.

This, in itself, is very telling. For me, it brings home the idea that the arrangement mostly benefitted Billy. Since we, as the audience, know that Reader felt more for Billy than he did for her, we’re left thinking, “wow, what a douchebag,” about him. Like, seriously, during those months they were together, he didn’t make little observations about the reader? No filing away about what her preferences are? Her tics? 

If you were someone he cared about he may have gone over to check on you or made more of an effort to get in touch but, really, he couldn’t be bothered.

That basically summed up the first arc of Reader and Billy’s relationship, such as it was. And, when she decided that enough was enough and she deserved something more substantial, all of a sudden, she’s interesting and now he wants her. 

At this point, I want to say that the tables have turned. Except, I can’t. Maybe. Possibly. Before, Reader suffered in silence about her feelings where she stood in Billy’s life because she was self-aware and able to read the room with regards to Billy. She knew him enough that any discussion about the future and commitments were a no-go for him. Now, when Reader doesn’t want anything to do with him, Billy wants her. As I previously pointed out in my last reply, does he want her for her or is it a point of pride because she was the one that ended it first and not him?

It’s, as the kids say, pretty sus.

Anyhoo, the latest installment of “A Woman Scorned.” What a doozy. The chapter had everything from tension, UST, and protective best friends. 

Davina is the best friend we all wish we had and what we aspire to be. I love how protective she is over the reader. I also enjoyed how judgmental she was at Billy’s lack of knowledge about reader. Here are my favorite scenes:

“Billy Russo.”

Davina ignored his hand, lifting her eyebrow. “I don’t like you.”

“Clearly.”

“And I don’t like that you’re messing around with my friend.”

Billy stood up straight, concerned. “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. She texted me and told me she couldn’t make it. If I didn’t have to host this thing, I’d be at her place right now. I think she’s a bit freaked out.”

He placed his drink back on the bar. “I’ll go over and see her.”

“What do you want with her?”

This time he couldn’t hide his annoyance. “Enough with the third degree. I’m just going to check up on her. Unless you want her to be alone right now?”

Davina’s eyes narrowed. She was gauging him carefully to see whether he could be trusted or not. At first he had no idea which decision she landed on, but the eventual resignation gave her away. “Let her know I’ll come by tomorrow.”

“Y/N’s not the type to admit when something’s wrong. With her, it’s like pulling teeth.”

“But she has a tell. When she’s upset, she buys shoes.”

“You’ve been sleeping with her for months and you don’t know what she likes?”

As much as Davina would love to keep Billy from Reader, she knows something happened and she knows a familiar face might help Reader in some way or another. Judging by the resignation, she probably wouldn’t be surprised if reader fell into bed with Billy while she’s vulnerable.

Anyhoo, I said it once and I’ll say it again. Billy has a lot to learn.

It was obvious Davina hated him, which made him wonder if that’s why you’d decided to cut him off so suddenly. He filed the question away in his brain, making a mental note to find out the answer from you at some point.

Read the room, Billy! For someone so smart, he has the emotional awareness of a rock. Maybe he’s thinking with the wrong head? That’s something to consider.

During that time when Billy visited reader, his takeaway should be paying attention to what the reader isn’t saying as well as what she is. At the gala, he pointed out that the reader is closed off. That should’ve given him some sign that there’s something more going on.  

He cocked his eyebrow. “Maybe it’s just you I need to learn more about.”

“I think it’s a little late for that.”

Right now, if we’re heading towards the official end of the relationship (and, in the reader’s eyes, we are), this is the epitome of “too little, too late”.

“It’s never too late.” His eyes were suddenly intense, in a way you were only used to seeing when he was angry or turned on. “Maybe you can show up at my place one night, wearing that robe, your favourite heels and nothing else.”

Billy is pretty optimistic that they will still be together. Enough said.

“No. You don’t know what I like.”

He leaned forward, eyes seductively drifting down to your lips. “I have a pretty good idea of what gets you off.”

“Yeah, but what gets me off and what I like might be two different things.”

Billy, I like you but you really need to pay attention and take notes! Of course he would be observant on what gets reader off but has he ever observed her in a non-sexual but intimate way? Somehow, I doubt it. 

“You grew up rich, didn’t you?” he taunted, drumming his fingers on the table.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because only someone who has money would say it doesn’t matter.”

You laughed, chugging the remainder of your wine. If he only knew. “Sure, Billy.”

The fact that she doesn’t say anything more about her family should speak volumes. See the other receipts:

“You have a lot of pictures up,” he remarked. “But there isn’t a single one of you with your family. There’s no sign of them in your apartment.”

“I’m not close to my family.”

“So you and the fam don’t get along?” he probed.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Billy,” you whined, taking a sip of your drink. “I don’t want to talk about my family.”

The reader’s childhood is next-level levels of messed up. If her father was like that, I can only imagine how her mother is. And since she doesn’t have pictures of any of her family, I can say that her mother wasn’t Mrs. Brady. 

One thing I can say about Billy is that at least he didn’t take advantage of reader while she was vulnerable. 

Billy’s jaw was clenched with anger but you told yourself it wasn’t because of you. He was simply pissed Anvil’s competitor was still more successful despite their negligence.

Whether he knows it or not, he cares about her. Knowing the reader, she thinks that he’s more upset on behalf of Anvil as a form of self-preservation. If she were more secure about what they are to each other, she would know that he’s angry because she was in danger. Unfortunately, because she realized that she probably won’t be more to Billy than a bedwarmer, it’s dangerous for her to think that way. 

Still, I have to admit that I liked how he just hugged her. Whether it was in comfort or to lead to something more...that’s going to be a problem in the next chapter. But, in that moment, he sensed Reader needing comfort and did something about it. That might be a smidgeon of growth right there.

Okay, wow, that was way longer than I thought. So, here are my final thoughts:

Billy’s an asshole but he’s our asshole and we love him. Even when he’s earnestly pursuing Reader, he’s still an ass. Reader is more guarded than ever because of the suppressed feelings she had for Billy combined with seeing him with Madani and her insecurities. It’s a horrible trifecta. 

It doesn’t help that Billy’s pursuing her and attempting to woo her when all she wants is distance. He definitely has his work cut out for him because Reader isn’t going to make this easy. Aside from her childhood, she already had a sample of “fuckboy” Billy. She’s familiar with that version of him. And she wants more than a fuckboy. She wants more than that and she knows that Billy can’t give her that more. Naturally, she’s going to keep him at arms and legs length.  

This constant push and pull is highly entertaining and I can’t wait to read more. I’m sorry this review was way too long and rambling but I couldn’t stop once I got going. I hope I wasn’t being too hard on Billy. I feel like I am. (I probably am.)

Love! 

[hotforhandman]

Shigaraki Week Day 5

Yes it’s late. I taught my parents how to play minecraft to pass quarantine and now the whole family’s spent frikkin days in our world lmao 

Confetti - Blade – Wounds

The Price of Victory- Read it on AO3

Commission me! Help me out on ko-fi!

“I won.” Shigaraki breathed, giving a slightly hysterical laugh. Redestro was being fussed over by a handful of his followers, and Shigaraki was left swaying, the sudden lack of imminent danger setting his injuries in sharp relief. And yet even now, reality felt distant and fuzzy.

“Woah, woah!” Spinner ran forward just in time to catch him as he keeled over, Compress hot on his heels. “Fuck… Shigaraki…” He lowered him carefully to the floor, taking in the open wounds and vicious injuries that covered Shigaraki’s body. Shrapnel wounds, bruises, scrapes, friction burns, not to mention the deep cracks welling with blood that ran from his cheek all the way to his hand, where the skin was all but gone, oozing blood and other fluids onto Spinner’s clothes. The other… missing half his hand, nothing but loose skin and raw flesh where his middle finger, pointer and thumb should be. And then there was his ankle. Spinner’s stomach turned; limbs should not bend like that.

“Oh, hey…” Shigaraki giggled, and the dazed look in his eye suggested that he wasn’t all there. “Spinner, we won…”

“Yeah. Yeah, we did.” Spinner tried to smile, but his panic wouldn’t let him. “Hey, Shigaraki, you’re gonna be okay, right?”

“Huh? Oh… Yeah, I’m always fine…” He closed his eyes for a moment, panting shallowly, and Spinner’s heart plummeted.

“No, no, no… C’mon, stay with me!” He shook Shigaraki lightly, and Shigaraki hissed, opening one eye again.

“Don’t do that. Hurts.”

“I need you to stay awake, yeah? We’re gonna get you fixed up.”

“Mhm…” Shigaraki opened his eyes again, lashes fluttering. Spinner adjusted his grip, holding him closer.

“Okay. Okay. We’re alright, yeah? Toga- Toga’s not doing so hot, but Twice is with her… He’s helping her out, using clones to get her blood back. I dunno how that works, but he’s doing it. I got stabbed a few times, but that’s, that’s fine, I can handle that. Nothing vital. I dunno about Dabi, he looked kinda crispy, but he was still on his feet. Compress is the only one who got away unscathed, I think. We just need to get you something to eat, yeah? You’re far too thin. You’d like that?” He looked down at where Shigaraki was curled into him, head pillowed on his shoulder, his crushed hand dripping blood down his emaciated chest. “Shigaraki?” He jostled him, and Shigaraki’s head fell back, limp. “No, no, fuck, Shigaraki!” He cupped his cheek in his claws, tears blurring his vision. “Shigaraki, please!”

No answer.

-+-

“Hey.” Spinner rapped on the door lightly, a quiet announcement of his presence. Shigaraki blinked sleepily from his position on the hospital bed, watching him. “You doing any better?”

“Still hurts.” Shigaraki muttered in a hoarse voice. Even with all of the painkilling drugs in his system, the extent of his injuries meant every movement sent blinding pain through him. Even though he was still exhausted to the point of delirium, sleep eluded him beyond short bursts thanks to the jolts of pain and his racing mind. The ceiling of the room he was kept in had a handful of pipes running across it, and Shigaraki had spent hours staring at them until the ceiling around them went grey. He was reminded of the room where he had first spoken to Sensei immediately after his historical fight with All Might, when he’d found out his beloved mentor would never see his face again. He would be lying if he said some small part of him wasn’t afraid he’d sustained some permanent damage. He was reassuring himself with the knowledge that if he had, Ujiko could and would fix it.

“You really scared us.” Spinner came in and pulled up a chair. The scraping of the metal legs on the concrete floor made his headache spike, and he grimaced. “When you passed out on me I genuinely thought you’d died.”

“Sorry… I couldn’t help it.” He murmured. “I was so tired.”

“I know.” Spinner went quiet for a moment, rubbing his hands together awkwardly. “Shigaraki?”

“Hm?”

“Is it true, what Ujiko says? That you’re gonna let him… mess with you?”

Shigaraki sighed heavily, wishing he could use his hands. That hadn’t been Ujiko’s secret to tell, and he had been dreading having this conversation. “His research… all of it. It’s been leading up to recreating Sensei’s power artificially.”

Spinner’s eyes widened. “You… All For One?”

Shigaraki nodded. “Yeah. The ability to take and use Quirks without going crazy like the Nomus. They’re failed experiments… And now there’s this new guy. Ujiko thinks he’s got it figured out, finally. If this one comes out still cognisant and sentient, it’ll be ready. Then it’ll be my turn.”

“Are you… sure it’s safe?”

“Look at me.” Shigaraki looked at him, and gave a sardonic smile. “This line of work is never safe. But that’s the reason why there were so many trials. So when it came to me, he’d know what he was doing, and it’d all go smoothly. Then all of this?” He made his best approximation of a gesture down at his body, ignoring the jolt of pain. “Never again. And you guys, all the pain you suffered, all the injuries… We’ll be untouchable. All those wounds, inside and out, they’ll all heal.” He gave a tired, strained laugh. “Finally.”

Spinner didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to see Shigaraki like all those specimens in Ujiko’s labs, intubated and unconscious, floating in tanks like something out of a horror movie. Those few hours where they hadn’t been sure if Shigaraki would live were some of the most terrifying of his life. How much was their victory worth?

“Don’t.” Shigaraki caught the look on his face. “Don’t try to talk me out of it. You’re a villain, you’re not supposed to care.”

“I’ve always been kind of a shitty villain.” Spinner half-joked, rubbing the back of his neck. “You guys are… You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to family.”

Shigaraki was quiet for a long time, and Spinner was afraid he’d crossed a line, but then Shigaraki muttered quietly, “That’s why I have to protect you.”

Spinner blinked, and for a moment he was at a loss for words, opening and closing his mouth several times. “You’d better turn out okay, Shigaraki. We’ll all be waiting for you.”

Shigaraki closed his eyes, every single one of his wounds aching and itching, a reminder of the pain of being human. “Yeah. I will.”

[rhowena]

Pile of stuff concerning what happened to Loki between Thor and The Avengers

Originally posted on r/FanTheories

https://inforapid.org/webapp/webapp.php?shareddb=IAxUFHnwkGJSYMj9OFbT8mRl5goHm9SC2qHbWw4knO1cng5qI5Wrg48nP1MdgbWlJmHj6UpwbN343IqnstQUwxIIO01M5Rvb

As it does not escape my notice that I’ve created a digital version of this meme, some navigation help for anyone who needs it:

Mouse over/tap an item or relation to view its description

For items with the yellow ‘Note’ label, select the node and then 'Notes on Item’ in the side menu to view an additional notes page

If an item has a globe icon it the top-left corner, click it to open a webpage

'Adjust View’ in the side menu has controls to zoom in/out, increase/decrease the distance between items, and filter items or relations by category

Relations (and items) are color-coded by type: solid green lines are for in-universe evidence (light green connects evidence to the theory it supports, while dark green connects pieces of evidence that should be looked at together), purple dotted lines denote parallels, and dark red lines mark cases of “one of these things is not like the other”

And an overview of the theories contained therein:

First, the central piece of tinfoil around which all other tinfoil is arrayed: remember how, at the end of the first Thor, Loki was pathologically obsessed with gaining his father’s approval? And how, when he next showed up after vanishing for an entire year, he’d gotten mixed up with a guy who keeps a menagerie of adopted children? And how, during his argument with Thor on the mountaintop, he said this?

Loki: Did you mourn? Thor: We all did. Our father– Loki: Your father. He did tell you my true parentage, did he not?

Loki: I’ve seen worlds you’ve never known about! I have grown, Odinson, in my exile. I have seen the true power of the Tesseract and when I wield it—

Tom Hiddleston: There’s a bit where Thor says, “We all mourned! Our father…” and Loki interrupts him and says, “YOUR father.” And it’s that sense of 'don’t include me in this anymore. I have no relation or connection to you.’ It’s his way of saying 'I’ve let go, I’m gone, I’m on the outside of the fence, I’m happy here, I don’t want to come back in.’

If I may take a minute to get out some of my extremely complicated feelings on this, while there’s a bunch more evidence in favor of Loki having been another of Thanos’s children that can be viewed on the mind map, I want to highlight this pair of quotes because it’s everything implied by the words “Your father” that makes it into a devastating punch in the stomach which draws on both halves of Loki’s Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds characterization: his genuine love for his family is his primary redeeming quality and that he forswore it like this puts the terrible moment when he first knelt before Thanos and pledged himself to the Mad Titan’s service firmly into archetypal Faustian sell-your-soul territory, but when you consider the straits he was in at the time and the implication that Thanos initially ensnared him not through promises of power but by preying on him emotionally, it’s a very human kind of tragic mistake.

The other mitigating factor is that based on everything we’ve heard from Thanos’s other children, it’s a safe bet that he did in fact do unspeakably horrible things to Loki too – indeed, noticing the resemblance between the existing theories about Loki having been tortured/brainwashed and Gamora’s “He took me, tortured me, turned me into a weapon” was what prompted the above realization in the first place. (It’s reminiscent of Theon’s storyline in ASOIAF/GOT: yeah, he betrayed his adoptive family and did some generally awful stuff, but no one deserves what happened to him.) It also bears emphasizing that accountability cuts both ways: one of the key takeaways from the previous bullet point is that the suffering Loki went through doesn’t absolve him of responsibility for his villainous actions, but the other side of the coin is that Loki’s partial complicity doesn’t absolve Thanos of responsibility for the choice he made to take a broken, desperate young man who’d just lost everything and turn him into the rabid animal we saw during The Avengers, and I dearly hope that exploring the rich font of psychological horror that is that time period will erase any remaining doubt that Thanos’s claims of acting For The Greater Good are nothing but empty, egotistical, self-righteous posturing and everyone in the audience who insists on taking them at face value is being duped just as Loki was.

Stephen: No. I mean, come on. Look at your face. Dormammu made you a murderer. Just how good can his kingdom be?

As for where this is all going, I believe there’s a good chance that the Loki Disney+ series will be where they finally address this as a. the split timeline Loki the series will be following is still fresh from his time with Thanos and it will therefore have to explain what happened if we’re to understand the kind of headspace that he’s in at that moment and b. Tom Hiddleston has revealed that the series will also clarify whether or not Loki really is dead in the main timeline, and everything I have so far indicates that understanding the nature of his original pact with Thanos is essential to understanding both Loki’s choice to die and Thanos’s choice to kill him (see the 'Pledge of fidelity’ and 'Limited use’ notes pages on the mind map). Character-wise, I think one of the points of emphasis will be that Loki’s death in Infinity War doesn’t wrap up his story as neatly as it may appear to on the surface; truly completing his redemption arc will require him to confront this part of his past in full, and with it his guilt over everything he’s done and his fear that he’s wrecked his life and relationship with his family so thoroughly that he can never, ever fix them.

Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? […] Your ledger is dripping, it’s gushing red, and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer… PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code. Something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will *never* go away!

An additional giant red flag indicating we really should be asking more questions about that time gap is a group of lines in The Avengers which reveal that Thanos taught Loki how to use the Tesseract.

The Other: The Tesseract has awakened. It is on a little world. A human world. They would wield its power, but our ally knows its workings as they never will.

The Other: You question us? You question HIM? He, who put the Scepter in your hand? Who gave you ancient knowledge and new purpose when you were cast out, defeated?

Loki: I’ve seen worlds you’ve never known about! I have grown, Odinson, in my exile. I have seen the true power of the Tesseract and when I wield it— Thor: Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be king?

Sharing that kind of knowledge and power with someone as volatile as Loki strikes me as an monumentally terrible idea (and as much as I don’t want to be the person who throws a tantrum because their fanfic didn’t come true, I’m kinda salty that Thanos was defeated without it coming back to bite him in the ass), which leaves me wondering what Thanos hoped to gain that he believed would be worth the risks. My thoughts on that particular sub-puzzle are still somewhat hazy, but my basic sense is that there’s something weird going on between Loki and the Tesseract and wanting to exploit that connection is one of the reasons Thanos went to all the trouble of breaking him into submission.

Loki: So I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?

The other reason for Thanos’s interest in Loki ties back to all that emotional twistiness I talked about earlier: he planned to leverage Loki’s anger and resentment towards his family in a bid to destroy Odin and Asgard from the inside.

Zemo: An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again. But one which crumbles from within? That’s dead… forever.

As a prelude to this, during The Avengers Thanos had additionally tasked Loki with killing Thor as a way to prove his loyalty and destroy the last remaining shreds of his own humanity, a test Loki failed because he still loved his brother too much.

Coulson: You’re going to lose. It’s in your nature. […] You lack conviction.

What’s more, Thanos anticipated this, and the Scepter’s influence over Loki was aimed at forcing him to go through with it if he refused.

Loki: I won’t touch Barton, not until I make him kill you! Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear! And then he’ll wake, just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I’ll split his skull!

Lastly, even with Infinity War having established that Thanos simply gets off on emotional torture, that he would go out of his way to fuck with Odin personally by turning his second son against him leads me to believe there was a special hatred there stemming from some as-yet unrevealed history between the two. I mean, when I picture the alternate universe where Thanos shows up to attack Asgard with a corrupted Loki in tow like “You screwed up so badly that he chose me as a father figure over you” …that isn’t something you say to a complete stranger.

GRRM on writing villain POVs: That’s a comic book kind of thing, where the Red Skull gets up in the morning [and asks] “What evil can I do today?” Real people don’t think that way. We all think we’re heroes, we all think we’re good guys. We have our rationalizations when we do bad things. “Well, I had no choice,” or “It’s the best of several bad alternatives,” or “No it was actually good because God told me so,” or “I had to do it for my family.” We all have rationalizations for why we do shitty things or selfish things or cruel things. So when I’m writing from the viewpoint of one of my characters who has done these things, I try to have that in my head.

[skiesoftwilight]

Family Matters (Bruce Wayne)

I got the inspiration for this piece from one of the episodes from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I also related it to personal experiences as well sooo.... Yeah, it’s gonna be a sad one, but not enough to cry over lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

Word Count: 2754

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“My god, they’re really going at it up there, aren’t they?” Jason acknowledged your anguish screams coming from the top of the grand staircase; although you were on a whole different level of the manor, the pitch of your screams was still sharp on the ears for the boys and Alfred on the first floor in the kitchen. His facial features scrunched up with his shoulders every time he heard your violent scream and the sound of something breaking, whether it be glass or a heavy object hitting the ground or wall. “They started acting like that shortly after they got home,” Dick informed everyone in the room; his blue eyes observed the concerned faces of his brothers and Alfred, “they’ve been doing that for the last hour and a half, with no break.” “What set them off anyways?” Tim questioned with a hint of pure curiosity. His blue eyes narrowed while he looked over everyone in the room to see if anyone had a clue. “I heard that they were fired from their job?” Dick answered with uncertainty, making him question his own knowledge. “They got a secret partner anyone know about? Maybe a messy breakup?” Jason suggested as he stood by the entrance of the kitchen connecting to the back staircase leading up to the bedrooms; he listened to you rage on some more with the accompanies of shattering glass. “No, they haven’t met anyone in months,” Damian mentioned while he got down from the bar stool at the counter while he took his drink from Alfred. “Maybe they just got tired of being lonely?” The boys were at a loss at trying to figure out what had set you off on an emotional rampage in your bedroom. They were concerned for your safety with the number of numerous things they heard being thrown around, but none of them were brave enough to see what exactly was hiding behind that door of yours. They all chose to sit in silence, letting themselves be consumed by their numerous thoughts. Damian stood next to Dick by the table and when he heard Alfred briefly cough, a thought had snapped into his head. “Alfred, you seem to know every single thing about us and what we’re always doing, do you know the cause of all of that?” Damian pointed upwards at the ceiling as your screams got louder and something heavy hit the floor. Alfred gave the boys subtle glances before returning to preparing a tray filled with refreshments, food, and a first aid kit sitting next to it. A drawn-out sigh was the only answer the boys got; with that type of answer, they all figured that he knew the source of your distraught and was holding out on them, letting them wander in the dark with their wildest predictions. “Oh come on Alfred. It’s not like we’ll go running our mouths to everyone we know,” Jason scoffed as he was getting irritated with your behavior and the lack of progress to correct it, “Can you at least tell us if it is a serious matter to us as a family or them? We’re genuinely worried for their safety.” “It’s a serious family matter for them, I’m afraid, but it is none of your concern,” Alfred shot Jason a look that told him to just forget about the source of your pain, “You shouldn't worry too much, I’m afraid that we must let them work through this on their own for the time being, master Bruce will take care of it shortly.”

“Wait, Bruce knows about it too?” Dick asked, prompting Alfred to stop what he was doing to answer their questions in a discreet manner, “How come he didn’t tell us if it concerns our family?” “I must’ve not been clear earlier, I said that it is a family matter on their behalf, no ours,” Alfred placed his hands on top of the cool marble counter and gave all the boys a warning look, “I suggest that you all find some other activities to do around or outside the house for today. I have a feeling that when they are all done with their...excited behavior, they will be ashamed of themselves and wouldn’t want to face you all for a while.” Alfred left it with that and finished packing the tray with numerous items before setting it aside and walking into the laundry room for other matters. The boys were left dumbfounded as their wise butler left them with more questions rather than answers. They continued to listen to your screams that were starting to subside while they talked quietly amongst themselves. “So it’s a family matter. It’s got to be her blood relatives, right?” Tim questioned as he let his detective skills do all the work, “But I thought that she was orphaned with her parents' death?” “They were, but maybe it’s distant relatives, like cousins or aunts and uncles?” Dick stated, adding more questions to the mix. “Shh, you guys heard that?” Jason hushed the boys by holding up his hands in their direction while his head was poked out into the hall to the back staircase. The boys all listened in on what Jason was referring to and it all made their senses sharpen. “It’s...quiet. Maybe a little too quiet,” Jason walked out into the hallway to listen closer and he heard the slight muffle of two voices, one belonging to their adopted siblings and the other to their father, “Bruce is up there. They’re talking.” While the boys all listened at the base of the staircase the best they could without alarming the two of you in the room, you were standing in the center of your room looking like a complete mess. From your shins down to your bare feet, they were littered with cuts from the shattered photo frames of your real family and other glass objects that used to sit on your bookshelf. Your clothes were ripped and overstretched and your (H/C) hair was filled with knots in your loose bun; the flyaways constantly waved in and out of your vision, but you chose to not the littlest things take your attention away from your own goals. Bruce stood by the door, just inspecting the mess before him. The moment he stepped into the room he knew that that air would be tense, but he underestimated it as it felt like with the numerous family photos laying on the ground and your distressed demeanor that it was choking him as he was being forced to deal with a concept he is still fighting to understand himself. Your chest was heaving as you dug your fingers into your hair before pulling them out aggressively and moving to grab the snowglobe you received as a gift recently from your parents and gave it a good look over before smashing it on the wall a couple feet from Bruce. You rage lost steam the moment your eyes made contact with Bruce’s; reality and guilt took over you as you realized that you had lost yourself in his home and destroying all of his own property. “I guess I don’t have to ask you how your meeting went with your parents, now do I?” Bruce addressed the problem directly, trying to get you to cool down so he could at least get you to relax so the both of you could talk about it more discreetly. You scoffed as you threw your hands up in the air and gave him a look mixed with anger and confusion, “Oh yeah, it went just terrific. It was the best two hours of my life, honestly,” The words came out with a sarcastic tint and each word dripped with venom as you looked down at the ground to see a picture that was the source of your pain, “My life is definitely taking a big turn in a whole other direction I originally planned it to go in when I met them.” Bruce could still sense the anger in your voice and watched your lip quiver when you brought up your family. A shaky sigh came from him while he cautiously tried to take a step in your direction, but there was just glass everywhere. He knew that you were suffering and it pained him to see you that way, but he was getting used to being a parent and how could he be a parent to you when you already looked up to somebody else? “I know you’re mad and you have every right to be,” Brue started, raising his hands to fold across his chest, “but anger won’t get you anywhere good.” “Damn right, I have every right to be mad—I’m furious, pissed off!” You raised your voice, feeling the veins in your neck flex as you let all of your anger come out at once. “How could I be such a damn fool to believe their words? To believe that they actually wanted me back in their lives? They gave me up, for fuck’s sake!” Bruce felt your pain as he watched your body fight with your mind about becoming worked up once again. Your eyes wandered around the room at an alarming rate while your fists clenched and you fidgeted with your feet. Throughout your battle with yourself, he kept a neutral face and you didn’t know if that was factoring into your pain. “(Y/N)...You’re not a fool…” “No, I must be because who else would respond to the people who gave them up for adoption to meet up and spend time with them over a series of months and believe that they really enjoyed their company and thought of them as their child? Who else would get attached after all those months and have them turn around and tell them that they were a mistake and a chapter in their lives that they would rather forget?” Your fists came to hit your chest to refer to you as you began to pace back and forth in the room; the glass under your feet didn’t even bother you cause in your mind, you tried to imagine a worse pain than what you were currently going through. You wanted to through something, anything, but there was nothing left for you to grab, just like your family. “I’m a damn fool to think that because they were still together after they had me and they now have a family, five children, five… six, if they would think to count me… do they still even count me as one?” You wondered, letting your lip quiver as you let yourself start to feel bad for yourself. “It doesn’t even matter anymore really, they’re the type of people to do that, I could sense it, but I couldn’t prevent it; all they do is build you up and tear you down in the end.” Bruce couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. He knew you like the back of his hand but the person he was seeing now wasn’t the same person that he adopted all those years back. He watched you come a long way from being a shy little orphan to a very successful member of his clan and now to see your past bring you to your knees was a blow to his heart for you. “(Y/N), I’m sorry that it turned out this way if there’s anything I could—” “No, it’s fine Bruce really, because up until I met them, I was doing just fine, I don’t even know why I agreed to see them in the first place. I learned how to brush my teeth without them, how to drive, how to play the violin, other people along with you were kind enough to teach me all of that and now look where it’s got me, I’m gonna graduate high school with honors and numerous scholarships; I got a bright future ahead of me and I give no credit to them. I’m gonna find me a man that will love me and we’ll have a big family and you’ll be damn sure that I won’t ever put those children down once!” The determination in your eyes was definitely there as Bruce finally saw you slowly come back to your true self. He ignored the glass under his shoes as he made his way over to you to see you more closely. He could tell that something was bothering you as well, but he didn’t as it came after your rant. Your teary (E/C) eyes came to look at Bruce’s and at that moment you felt ridiculous for your earlier actions and what you had done to his home. You could finally see that it was with Bruce’s help that you got to where you were today and that those people you devoted all your time over the previous months were wasted when you could’ve been spending it with the true family that has been with you ever since you were twelve. Your true family will always be connected to you, but your bond with Bruce and his boys were stronger, but the pain you were experiencing now was evident and it was still a big issue. “How come they don’t want me?” Bruce gave you a crushed look before pulling you into his arms and holding you against your chest as he felt your angry grunts turn into silent sobs. Your arms came to wrap around his waist and you pulled him tight to your body as you were finally feeling that familial love that you’ve been lacking all those years. He let you sway the both of you as were relaxing in his embrace; your sniffles were the only sound in the destroyed room and after your screaming session, your voice was becoming hoarse. The moment that you were sharing with Bruce was one you would forget. “I’m sorry about the mess, I really didn’t mean to.” Your voice was muffled against his chest while he just shushed you and patted down your wild hair. “Don’t worry about it, I’m glad you did it here and not out in public,” Bruce stated while he surveyed the room once more. Pictures were strewn about and the bed was shifted and there was water on the flooring and glass shards on the walls and floor, “Also, I know that you can hold a lot of anger and we could put that to use in your training; you might have to go easy on the boys though.” Your laugh was music to his ears while he let go of you and helped you sit on the bed. He knew that you would need some medical attention with all those cuts on your feet, so he went to call up Alfred through the intercom. You fiddled with your fingers while he did that and while you both waited on Alfred, Bruce pushed the glass shards away with his shoes for his butler. Shuffling by the door stopped Bruce in his tracks as it got louder and it sounded like someone was mumbling. Bruce shot you a questioning look while you shrugged your shoulders at what it could be. Bruce swiftly made his way to the door and threw it open to see Tim standing there with a tray of food and medicine, wearing an innocent smile while his eyes said danger. “Tim, what are you doing right here? Were you listening?” Bruce asked him sternly, cracking the door to hide the mess that he knew you were definitely ashamed of. “The others, they put me up to it, I swear.” He insisted as he handed the tray off to Bruce while slowly backing away to make a break for it back to the kitchen. He was yelling at his brothers for ditching him at the scene while Bruce just shook his head with a small smile, already knowing it wasn’t just Tim at the door and the real reason why they were there in the first place. “My god, they were listening, weren’t they?” “With good intentions. In this family, one person’s burden is everyone else's. They just wanted to make sure you were alright.” With a small, sheepish smile you just nodded curtly before finally accepting that this is what normal families do, well knowing that Bruce and the boys were more than just ordinary people, this is what families close to normal do and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[mwolf0epsilon]

Sickfic! Sickfic! Sickfic! This time do Markus please!

Software bugs always hits Markus hard.

---

[[MORE]]

It was no secret that adaptability and change came naturally the the perplexing mystery that was Markus, the one and only RK200 (Not to be confused by the female household RK200.v2 that Cyberlife had launched to spite Elijah Kamski, those were not at all affiliated with Markus at all and were more akin to upgraded AX400s).

Markus was an enigma. A chameleonic android that adapted to environmental changes and unexpected situations at the snap of a finger.

He had an arsenal of specialized programming and an accumulation of knowledge at his full disposal, and his strength and durability were both impressive and, quite honestly, intimidating in the face of other domestic types.

Despite all this, there was one big issue that came with a constantly mutating code: Viruses tended to hit Markus particularly hard when they fully set in.

---

It started with an "itchiness" in his borrowed parts. A most peculiar tingling in his legs, a stinging in the back of his ocular biocomponent, a buzz in his auditory receptor, a dull ache in his thirium pump regulator. When he'd taken them from the mass grave that was the Android Junkyard he hadn't had the time to scan them for malware.

Latent viruses were an absolute nightmare to deal with, especially Trojans, and Markus soon came to regret not taking the time to sit back and run a few scans in between meetings with Congress and conference calls with President Warren.

Like parasites straight from hell, the viruses in the spare parts began to eat away at his defenses. Injecting their venom into his veins. Opening up several doors to unwanted guests.

He never noticed the extra exposure to the maladies of the internet until one moment he was up, and the next he was on the floor suffering a full blown seizure. His body on fire and his mind scrambling with useless looping data.

The scariest part wasn't even being so utterly defenceless and in pain. The truly scary part was Carl finding him twitching on the floor making horrid screeching noises, and then seeing his father's face contort into one of confused panic and then full blown terror as he called out for help.

Josh carried him all the way to his room while North contacted the technicians at the tower, and Simon and Matthew comforted the elderly artist over Leo's confused shouts.

Markus felt ashamed for causing them distress. He felt even more ashamed for purging all over Josh's nice new jacket and button-up shirt.

---

When the technician's arrive (Rupert who, like Simon, still offered his services at New Jericho tower, and a human acquaintance of Leo's that had been applying for a position in the repair ward) they quickly determine the root of the issue.

"These parts... They are second-hand, yes?" Artyum questioned as he brought a flashlight to Markus's right eye, noting how it didn't react at the same rate to the change of lighting, while Rupert ran external scans.

"Y-yezsh..." Markus winced at the static tainting his voice. He sounded inhuman almost. Foreign to himself.

"Ah." The Russian clucked his tongue and shook his head "It is odd. Viruses not uncommon. Small Trojan files with very little impact besides stuffy voicebox and twitchy parts. Should not cause so much trouble."

"Yeah, but uh... Man this is weird." Rupert tapped the screen displaying Markus's vitals. His essence, his software, was not reading normally. "It's like the code isn't trying to fight it off. The firewalls just... Disabled themselves."

"Is that dangerous?" Leo inquired as he peeked over Rupert's shoulder. The small gathering in Markus's room all seemed a little alarmed. "Is the uh, is the firewall busted? Does he need a new one?"

"No!" Markus gulped, choking back a cough and trying to keep his voice clear while everyone turned to look at him "I... Is that not, is that not normal?"

"No." Simon replied with a grimace "That's not normal at all. When we get viruses our firewalls don't just disable themselves."

"Do... Yours do that?" Josh questioned.

"I... Yeah? They always have." Markus frowned, shifting uncomfortably under his covers as a mixture of awe, concern and fear seemed to wash over all of the androids and technicians in the room.

It was Artyum who broke the silence.

"I'm going to make quick call. Need answers to know how to proceed with... This case." He scratched his scraggly beard and moved out of the way, muttering under his breath as he looked for his cellphone in his pockets. "Keep updated on physical changes."

"Well, sure Art. Here's one! His skin's fucking going..."

"Leo!"

"Are you blind dad?! Look!"

"Be more tactful! Christ!"

Markus pulled the sheets over his head and whined. He could feel at least two hands reach down and patting him comfortingly on the leg and on the shoulder.

He hated getting sick.

"RA9... Just, wow. Look at the screen." Rupert whispered.

"Holy shit..." Josh sounded a little distressed "Markus's code is stripping the virus... That's..." Markus twitched uncomfortably and began to shake.

"Josh, shut up."

Markus let out a distressed sob from within his blanket cacoon. The hands over the covers and squeezed gently in reply.

"I... Damn I..." Josh sighed "I'm sorry Markus."

He didn't reply, instead reaching out for his friends. Three hands held his own bare one in kind.

Markus doesn't take it personally when North and Josh flinch from the heat. He's more concerned with Simon's lack of a reaction to the scorching pain.

---

"To put it simply, Markus is processing the viruses he caught."

"Elijah... I need to know if this will hurt Markus." Carl frowned at the screen, feeling his patience drain as the younger man smiled that obnoxious smile he put on for the cameras. The million dollar smile that got him through interviews with shallow careless people, not the one he reserved for a friend. Carl hated that smile.

"It'll put him through some pain and discomfort, but it'll ensure he's never affected by them again." Kamski dismissed over the call. "He might even be able to spread an anti-virus file specifically designed by his firewall to irradicate it. Our Markus is very efficient after all..."

"Elijah... We need to talk about this in person."

"Why, there is hardly any need for that old friend."

"Oh...There is." Carl's tone took on a slight edge, one that made Kamski's smile falter with unease "My son is terrified of himself. He has been for a while now... This has only worsened his doubts. You either come by and explain to me what you truly intended when you made Markus, or you'll explain why your health seems to have taken quite the turn for the better since 2028."

Kamski looked away from the camera. Check-mate.

"Did you think I didn't notice?"

"I'll be seeing you soon then. Expect Chloe and myself at a close date..."

"Thank you."

"Don't... The word of advice is don't thank me. You'll regret that quicker than you could say Rook."

---

Leo and Carl made an effort to check in on him. They shouldn't, when they had more pressing things to worry about with their own health, but empathy was a strong trait of theirs when they weren't too depressed or inclined to focus on self-loathing.

Markus loved that about them. Smiled and marveled as he discovered that it was a family thing and a commonality between his father and brother. In this case however, he hated it.

"You're not ugly you know."

"It... Its stupid." His voice doesn't crackle anymore but his voicebox hurts, which is weirder than his bizarre insecurities. "Millions saw me without my skin... But I... It feels, weird, not having it on around... Around you and Carl..."

"Simon told me you take it off for like... Intimacy and shit. Probably feels weird being uh, sexy naked for your family." Leo offered as Markus peeked from under the covers.

"Sexy naked-- When is being naked not sexy?" If he had eyebrows right now, one would be raised up incredulously.

"Three words. Naked drunk grandma." Leo grimaced "That old hag ruined my poor innocent mind..."

"That sounds even more absurd than your last statement."

"Naked grandma?"

"That you ever had an innocent mind."

Leo grimaced while Markus gave him a tired smile.

"You're lucky you're sick, Freckles the clown, cuzz otherwise you'd get a rotten tomato for your troubles..."

"Love you..."

"Yeah yeah... Love you too baldy." Leo rolled his eyes "Younger siblings, I swear to God..."

Well, fine, he didn't hate their visits after all. They were a comfort actually.

Even if his lack of skin did kind of bother him. He wasn't entirely sure why but it probably had less to do with intimacy and more with feeling like he didn't belong.

Like he wasn't a Manfred.

Carl would probably tear him a new one for thinking like that. Sick or not.

---

"Hm, vitals looking good. Traces of virus very minute. Code has processed everything and produced new file to add to firewall, all biocomponents should be returning to maximum efficiency in couple of days." Artyum stated as he and Rupert went through the final checkup scans. Markus's skin had returned in patches and his temperature had decreased back to the usual levels. "Outstanding programming. Remarkable... But very hard to work with."

"I'd say. But those anti-virus files are pretty sweet. We could probably make copies to use for the update patches next month... If uh, if that's ok with you Markus?" Rupert stammered as he looked through the firewall archive.

"I guess I might as well make use of them. Some of these viruses are crippling to older models, so a quick patch should help improve their systems..." Useful or not, being some sort of guinea pig that generated cures for his people was bordering the worrisome godlike status a lot of androids wanted to attribute to him. Markus didn't want to be a deity of some fanatic religion. He especially didn't want to be associated with miracle workers and mystic healers...

"Will go ahead and credit anonymous programmer." Artyum commented as he took out a flashdrive and handed it over to Markus "Extra attention is... Bad, yes?"

"I... Yeah."

"Know that feeling well..."

With the files safely copied into the flashdrive and the technicians off to make a difference at his expense, Markus sighed contentedly as he kicked back and picked up his book from the bedside table.

In a couple of hours it'd all go back to normal. His skin would come back fully, his voicebox wouldn't be strained, he wouldn't collapse suddenly into a heap and moan in agony, and he'd go back to dreading the next political events.

He hated getting sick.

He especially hated how abnormal his code kept proving to be.

But Simon, North and Josh looking at him with a little bit of worry?

That kind of hurt. That kind of hurt a lot.

He hated being sick...

[keyofjetwolf]

Elisabeth: Hate

Poking around at this one is a bit off-script, and I hope @iatheia won’t mind too terribly much that I’m being self-indulgent by going here. I think the sequence for “Hate” though is intensely well done, historically honest, and tonally vital to Rudolf’s character as we enter what is, essentially, his arc in the musical. It’s entirely missing from the Takarazuka version, and I think there’s a conversation to be had in its exclusion, and what responsibilities lie in an adaptation grounded in history. But that’s a conversation not for this post, so for now I’ll simply say that while I understand the Takarazuka version shying away from going here, I think it’s the strongest single example of hollowing itself out. When I was liveblogging it, and so lacking any other version knowledge to compare it to, I found Rudolf a paper thin character whose motivations I could never really wrap myself around. Now, having added the Essen version to my experience, OF COURSE I didn’t get him, I was never given the chance.

Which isn’t to say, of course, that the Takarazuka brought us nothing.

BECAUSE OH DID IT FRIENDS

For Essen Rudolf, however, we’re shown what he sees coming, we know what he knows will happen if he does nothing, and we do it all with the perspective of knowing he was absolutely correct. His struggle and eventual suicide becomes so much more sympathetic AND infuriating, complicating our feelings toward him and making him so more complicated in the process.

So yeah, let’s take a second for a little hate, shall we?

I really love how this is staged, I have to say first up. The chorus emerges from the mist on Rudolf’s repeating echo of “HATE!” They quickly consume the stage, and yet Franz Joseph doesn’t notice them, doesn’t hear, never sees. And that’s incredibly intentional. He doesn’t hurry off stage as this portion begins, he lingers, thoughtful on Rudolf’s words, then walks away, taking the full length of the stage, walking with purpose but very calmly. This serves to contrast in a really fantastic way with Rudolf at the end of the song, so keep this in mind as I’ll touch back on it in a bit.

There is, I have no doubt, a metric fuckton of historical significance and nuance here that I’m not getting. WIKIPEDIA CAN ONLY FILL IN SO MANY GAPS. World War I is a spotty and sketchy thing for most Americans. It’s a complicated clusterfuck that’s not so easily put into “good guys” versus “bad guys”. IT’S A LOT EASIER TO KNOW YOU’RE THE GOOD GUYS WHEN YOU’RE SHOOTING NAZIS. (Though let’s stand in awe of how that’s becoming a more controversial statement every day.) (WOW I’M DEPRESSING MYSELF OKAY BACK TO THE MUSICAL)

My mother and her side are all English, so I’d heard stories about WWI in ways that it impacted my family. I did a bit of reading, because sometimes I like to know things. And I’ve tried to refresh myself and build more knowledge after having watched the Takarazuka, so I’d have more context. But still, I feel I know basically fuck all, so I’m pretty sure lots of details will fly over me. There’s a lot to get here though, even in the broad strokes.

The space left by Franz Joseph as he exits the stage is quickly filled with demonstrators calling for a stronger leader. I SEE YOU MUSICAL. It quickly gets worse.

Hate and violence to those who aren’t with us and those who spread here we will chase off!

NATIONALISM IS A HELL OF A DRUG KIDS. If you aren’t INSERT COUNTRY HERE, GTFO, and  then it gets better!

With socialists and pacifists we won’t waste time anymore!

The Jewish writers and the Jewish women will be our ruin!

If you aren’t the right KIND of countryman, a “real” citizen with the “correct” thoughts and values, we’re coming for you, too. And what’s that? Ahh, the delicate fragrance of rampant antisemitism wafting on the breeze! I’M SURE THAT WON’T HAVE ANY PLAY IN FUTURE EUROPE.

I do think it’s interesting though, in like a desperately efficient and terrifying way, how they very specifically drill down that antisemitism to Jewish writers (the spread of ideas) and Jewish women (the spread of people). It encapsulates the utter blinding hatred of Jews so well that I both admire the writing skill and feel sick at the same time. Kudos? I guess??

The demonstration continues. The hate builds. More and more people join on-stage. The lighting gradually increases, the chanting grows louder. No longer whispers in the shadow, but heart-felt declarations made public.

It’s legitimizing. It’s spreading.

Now not just “demonstrators”, but government leaders, reporters informing the public, educators teaching the next generation. So that’s awesome!

Someone wanders through all this and wonders what’s going on. Lucheni joins him and answers, and I’ve spent a bit of time on why Lucheni, and why now. To this point, he’s been lingering on the fringes. As our guide and narrator, he’s outside of time, with the unique perspective of how all the pieces fit together. I think he’s coming in now as a critic, with his usual mix of irreverent anger, to very directly condemn what we see building. Which may seem like a no-brainer, but I’ll point out again how fucking relevant every second of this is to the world right now on this beautiful day in May 2019.

ANYWHO, the passerby wonders what’s going on. “A demonstration, signore,” Lucheni explains. “Nationalists, antisemites, supporters of Schönerer.”

(“Who’s Schönerer?” I innocently asked Wikipedia. “HITLER’S INSPIRATION.” Wikipedia replies.  “oh.”)

“Outrageous!” the passerby says, visibly startled by this news.

“The 20th century. It’s approaching!” And with this, Lucheni walks off-stage, paying no mind as the passerby is viciously beaten with his own cane by the demonstrators.

Those demonstrators once again swarm the stage, spitting at the beaten passerby and reiterating their core mantra: “Hate and violence to those who aren’t like us! And those that spread here, we will chase off!” Question them? Express the slightest hint of disagreement? Hate and violence!

More chilling, the demonstrators are no longer just a gathering of individuals. They’re beginning to march in formation, literally falling in step together.

They’re organizing.

Lucheni takes center stage again, but this time it’s just him. The demonstrators are still present, their voices responding to him from the darkness, but otherwise, he stands alone.

AND BRINGS ELISABETH BACK INTO IT

Again, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why the show uses Lucheni here and now. Setting aside my massive ignorance YET AGAIN, I’m not finding anything that indicates Lucheni was particularly antisemitic (the “problem” with Heinrich Heine? I’LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS.). Lucheni may well have been, but, you know, in a low-key chill sort of way. By which I mean, his deal seems to have been first and foremost about anarchy, not antisemitism or racism. So why have Lucheni be this voice? Why this protest?

And my thought is that we’re dipping for the moment into the “real” Lucheni, rather than the version who’s been taking us on this journey. Or, perhaps another way to look at it is that he represents the growing anti-imperial anarchist movement of the time. He/They may not have specifically been antisemitic, but they were more than happy to wield antisemitism as a tool for their own ends. Fan those flames, and give zero shits about who gets burned.

I think this may be the strongest indictment of Lucheni/anarchists in the musical. Throughout, I feel it mostly comes down on the side of ... if not sympathy, exactly, then of understanding. Elisabeth is complicated, and so, too, would be the feelings about her, particularly for the common people who, as a group, both adore her and suffer at her whims. But Lucheni taking voice here, whatever his motivation, is siding with and inciting those who embody hate and violence, who we know will perpetrate unthinkable atrocities in that name of that hate. The musical doesn’t turn away from the culpability that Lucheni, and those like him, have in not just allowing this but enabling it, ENCOURAGING it.

His piece said, Lucheni runs off-stage, back into the shadows as the demonstration reaches fever pitch.

They march toward the front of the stage, furious but orderly, chaos but contained. The chanting continues, but the marching changes. It becomes a goose-step. There are elaborate hand gestures, and still they all move as one. Finally, it concludes as it must.

The lights slam up, then drop, leaving only one figure on stage.

Rudolf, alone. Not walking past all this like his father, but staring at it directly, unable to look away.

This is what Rudolf sees in their future. Not just the fall of the Hapsburgs, but house after house throughout Europe, the suffering of people in the wake of those conflicts and power vacuums, setting the world stage for even more horrors to come. He KNOWS it’s coming, he can hear it, and the burden of what to do about it falls squarely on his shoulders.

“Hate” is so crucial, I feel, to understanding Rudolf’s thoughts and actions to come in the musical. Without knowing what he sees (things which we know to be true), his motivations against his father make no sense, his longing for some kind of understanding and comfort from his mother make him seem emotionally undeveloped, his desperation lacks weight, and his suicide is reduced to a plot point for Elisabeth rather than the final surrender of hope that we could avoid the inevitable.

And it’s so well done! Really, the way the whole sequence just builds and builds, before abruptly cutting off at this evocative moment, leaving Rudolf its only witness. Just fantastic, I loved it.

IT TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH TO GET MY THOUGHTS TOGETHER TO WRITE THIS POST. One that wasn’t even requested, but again, I hope no one minds too terribly much that I took us down this detour. For as much as I carried on about it, it’s just under two minutes, and if you have those two minutes to spare, I would encourage you to put them here.

[monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my]

What We Lost and What We Have: Chapter 2

May 18, 2000, the night Sam learned 3 things.

John had cheated on Mary. Kelly Kline was dead. And his younger half brother Jack was born…

Nearly 17 years later their family never really recovered. But after a panicked phone call from Jack's uncle Castiel, their family will never be the same.

"It's Jack, there's something wrong with Jack..."

AU somewhat inspired by Episode 2x20 - What Is and What Should Never Be, and the season 14 storyline concerning Jack's illness.

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AO3

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Chapter 2:  A history of dumbassery, inadequacy, and definitely not a dog

“Dean are you still there?” Castiel’s voice was tilting away from fear into the realm of frustration and irritation again.

There was a long pregnant pause before Dean responded.

“What?”

He recognized the noises in the background of the call now. A tinny intercom with someone repeating a doctor’s name in a cool casual tone, distant the ringing of phones, a crying baby...the sounds of a busy emergency room.

“Jack he…” Castiel took a shaky breath trying to center himself, “we… we went back to our hotel after… what happened at the cemetery.”

He seemed finally balance himself on the rock that was being annoyed with Dean. Dean was too damn tired to care.

Castiel rambled “Jack said he was tired and had a headache so I gave him some Advil and let him sleep. I thought he was fine, upset…" he jabbed the word at Dean, "still getting over the cold he caught at school but fine…”

“Just please get to the point,” Dean groaned, he vaguely remembered the teenager hacking up a lung in the graveyard earlier that day. “So what? Does the kid have the coughing plague or something?”

Castiel went dead silent.

“We… we went out for a late dinner last night and he…” his voice broke, “Jack collapsed… he had a seizure.”

Dean’s mouth went dry “...Shit.” was all he could think to say.

Dean’s medical knowledge didn’t really go beyond the basic first aid needed for the occasional burns and bruises that came with working around hot engines and moving parts in the auto shop. But years of watching… certain soap opera’s told him that was very bad. Unless...

“Is that… normal for him?” Dean asked lamely, he wasn’t exactly an expert on Jack’s medical history.

By the time Jack came around Dean had already moved out, and he hadn’t been exactly been going out of his way to spend time with the kid in the few years Jack lived with John part-time. He’d only really seen Jack when John couldn’t first a sitter for work.

“Would I CALL you if it was?” Castiel nearly spat voice shaking clearly regressing back into panic mode.

Dean bit back a spiteful, “Then why the fuck did you call!?”

He wasn’t heartless. Even if the two people in question were people he’d pay good money to have not come within the same state as him ever again. A kid in the hospital… it was some rough shit.

When Sam was little he’d broken his arm jumping off the front porch railing of their house trying to be Superman. He remembered his parent's frantic frustrated arguing on the way to the hospital about who was supposed to be keeping an eye on Sam. His mother trying gently to get him to sit still for the x-ray. The sound of Sammy crying.

He settled on the slightly less harsh. “What do you want from me then?”

Castiel gave a long-suffering sigh, the one he inevitable heard whenever he tried to speak to the man, like he was trying to explain physics to an eight-year-old.

“They… they want to run tests, blood, an MRI, I know one thing they’re testing for is meningitis, and if it’s that’s what it is…” He let the sentence hang.

There was another voice in the background of the call. probably a nurse by their soft reassuring tone and Castiel’s uneasy thank you’s. He came back after a moment.

“Listen they're moving Jack to a room if it’s what I said... then the doctor will probably want to see you and your brother or… something. I’ll… I’ll call you later in the morning when he’s settled in, please just… get here alright…?” Castiel sounded as exhausted as Dean felt.

Dean suppressed a yawn, “Yeah… yeah sure just um… how about after the sun comes up this time eh?”

Castiel abruptly hung up and Dean blinked blearily at the phone for a moment before snorting.

"Typical..."

The combination of the liquor, lack of sleep and sheer bizarreness of the conversation were making the whole call feel surreal, like a bang on the roof in the dead of night you weren’t sure whether you imagined it or not.

Maybe whatever was going on with the kid would sort itself out by morning and he wouldn’t have to deal with this…

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Seven-ten the next morning Sam saw the big black muscle car pull up beside his hybrid in the parking lot of Lawrence Memorial. Dean exited the car wearing a pair of dark aviators despite the fact the sun had only just risen.

“Long night?”

Dean pulled off the glasses and shoved them into his jacket pocket shooting Sam a deadly glare, clearly not over what happened the day before.

“Did Saint Castiel tell you anything new?” Dean sighed draining the last of a cup of fast food coffee.

“I still don’t know why you insist on calling him that,” Sam said with a long-suffering sigh.

Dean tilted his head sardonically and tossing the cup in the bin by the door, “Yes... you do.”

“Let me rephrase that.” Sam's voice sharpened, “Maybe just don’t today okay Dean? Maybe for once act like a functioning adult, because this is neither the time nor the place for your bullshit…”

Dean stared at him eyes narrowed for a long moment before his posture relaxed and he shrugged.

“Okay.”

“Okay…” Sam said in mild disbelief.

Dean sighed and scrubbed at his eyes, wincing, “yeah fine, I get it. This shit it’s... crazy.”

There was a long significant pause.

“Castiel said he’d meet us up by the pediatrics ward…” Sam said after a moment studying the hospital entry’s diamond-patterned linoleum.

“Pediatrics?” Dean seemed to wince at the sound of the word.

“Yeah, Dean… Jack’s 16,” Sam muttered, turning to walk inside without another word. He felt like maybe it was time for Dean to stew on that fact for a while.

Things were quiet for the entire ride to the third floor, each Winchester fuming in their separate corner of the elevator.

The door dinged pleasantly before popping open to reveal a pacing Castiel his suit jacket rumpled like he hadn’t taken it off since they met the morning before.

“Thank god finally.” he breathed, “I was beginning to think…” he sighed and shook his head, “never mind I just… the doctor’s need you to answer some questions about... your family...”

Castiel trailed off seeming to lose interest in explaining turning on his heel and walking determinedly down the corridor to the ward entrance, Sam and Dean looked at each other for a moment before Sam shrugged and followed quickly behind.

“Is he… is Jack alright?” Sam asked awkwardly.

“He’s um…” Castiel sighed and paused to punch in a number in the keypad that kept random passersby out of pediatrics ward. “He’s been really out of it since we got here, he’s sleeping now.”

There was an electronic chime and he quickly opened the door, “he’s in the third room on the right…” Castiel muttered.

Something about the statement bothered Sam he quickly caught up with Castiel, “they’re keeping Jack on a normal ward?”

“Hmm?” Castiel blinked back sheepishly.

“It’s just… when you called you said they thought he might have meningitis,” Sam said carefully, “and if he did I doubt the medical staff would let us, let alone Jack himself near any of the other patients.”

Castiel stopped walking again but didn’t look at him, “No they um… he doesn’t have a high enough fever and or stiffness… they don’t think it’s that anymore…”

Sam nodded eyes narrowing slightly in confusion, there was something about that answer that made him uncomfortable.

It seemed Dean didn’t have any trouble putting his finger on what it was, “why didn’t you say that when you called this morning?”

There was an awkward silence inappropriately punctuated by the sound of children giggling in the distance. Castiel still didn’t look at them.

“I mean that was the reason you gave us to come today… right,” Dean’s words were deceptively casual.

Maybe it was his own vague hurt that kept Sam from telling Dean to shut up.

“What? did you think we wouldn’t come if we didn’t think It’d affect us?” Dean said cooly mouth twitching.

Castiel finally turned to look at him eyebrows drawn together in a warning.

“Dean maybe you shouldn’t…” Sam tried before being cut off by a hand, Dean’s eyes didn’t waver unphased by Castiel’s glare.

“Is that really what you think? That if you needed us we’d just let Jack, a kid, suffer? Do you think we’re that petty?”

“I…” Castiel’s eyes darted in the direction of Jack’s room. Through the window, Sam could just spot his blanket covered feet at the end of the bed.

“Do you really think we're that shitty of people!?” Dean’s voice rose.

Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he snapped back to Dean, “Think of you? I don’t think about you at all Winchester. I don’t know you!”

They both stared each other down for a long moment, sizing each other up. For a moment Sam thought they might start a fight right there in front of the wall mural of children of every race and color playing ring around the rosie, complete with a happy Sun.

But the seconds came and went.

“We would have come Castiel…” Sam said quietly.

Castiel finally looked up eyes watering slightly, and Sam could have sworn he saw the man’s hands shake.

“I couldn’t risk that…” he said softly.

The tenseness was broken a moment later by a sing-songy drawl.

“Well looks like the rest of the pissy party parade has arrived, so how about we take this little shindig out of the hall…”

Sam nearly leap a foot in the air, he hadn’t heard the nurse walk up, she stood behind him giving all three of them a smile that radiated the energy of someone who would just as easily disembowel them. With all their racket they probably deserved it.

“I’m sorry…” he glanced down at her name tag, “nurse Masters.”

She tapped her nails against her clipboard and gave him the same thin smile, “alright cupcake,” she tilted her head towards Jack’s room. “Right now there’s a very confused medical student sitting in there trying to figure out how exactly he’s supposed to get a history from RipVanWinkle, I figure he’d have more luck with you three.”

Cas moved first huffing softly quickly hurrying past the nurse seeming to forget the argument the second he was reminded of Jack.

Dean strolled slower behind the man still looking pissed off, leaving Sam alone in the corridor with the nurse who smiled at him expectantly.

“Right, sorry…” Sam unfroze and sheepishly followed.

Sam tried to look anywhere but at Jack when he entered the room, Castiel had automatically taken a seat in a chair on the far side of the boy’s bed his coat and a thin blue hospital blanket thrown across the back of it like he’d been camping there all night.

Dean was leaning against the far wall arms crossed, staring down a terrified-looking Asian kid in a lab coat clutching a clipboard to his chest.

By the time Sam took a seat beside the door and the nurse followed behind him the room was far too crowded for comfort.

In a room full of people he didn’t want to lock eyes with the unconscious kid in the bed suddenly became the least daunting sight.

There was an abrasion on Jack’s brow bone and a long bruise trailing down to his chin, like he’d fallen and hit head something hard on the way down.

Sam wished he felt more.

Jack was a pale stranger of a teenage boy, upsetting but...

Sam wondered if he was walking alone down the hallway and looking into the rooms if he would have even been able to pick Jack out of the other faces in their beds.

Seeing Jack like this made him feel pity and sadness, but seeing the deep-seated fear and worry on Castiel’s face

Jack was supposed to be family

Guilt bloomed in Sam’s chest. The only memory that he could pull up was at will was that Jack liked goldfish when he was two. He tried to look closer at the boy on the bed, pluck at the strings of his heart.

He focused on how Jack’s breathing was a little too fast and shallow, the heart rate on the monitor a little too rapid…

The kid was hooked up to an IV and about six different sensors, some wires trailing down the neck of his hospital gown one clipped onto the middle finger of his left hand. The opposite wrist and hand were strapped in a temporary splint, like his face probably a casualty of the seizure the night before.

The thought made Sam wince.

God this was a joke.

Someone cleared their throat “I uh… hello…” Sam broke out of his self deprecating reverie.

It was the medical student in the lab coat, gripping his clipboard and still nervously eyeing Dean. He yanked his eyes away to focus on Castiel.

“Are these the um… brothers you were talking about?”

Castiel didn’t look up from where he was straightening the blankets over Jack’s chest.

“They’ll be able to give you the information on his father’s side that I couldn’t,” he muttered distractedly.

“Half-brothers,” Dean said cooly from his position by the wall, “and I’m right over here.”

The nurse whistled strolling over to the side of Jack’s bed and picking up his chart.

“If nothing else…” she read, “Jack… will get a healthy dose of machismo today.” She frowned at something on the chart before clipping it back over the end of the bed and stepping closer to the monitor.

“Try not to make the med student piss himself okay? Bringing the janitor in here would put the room capacity over code,” the nurse said squinting at it.

“Is something wrong?” Cas asked her a little alarmed.

She gave him a smile no more sincere than her previous ones, but with worry and attempted comfort in the place of irritation.

“Don’t worry about it daddy dearest, nothing’s... changed.”

The way she said it didn’t seem all that positive when she immediately followed it up by leaving the room at a brisk pace.

They all stared after her awkwardly for a few seconds.

“A-about that history,” the med student said the tone of someone being forced to tell a joke at gunpoint.

Dean was still staring at guy though he looked more puzzled than threatening now. Dean had probably just been hungover in the first place and got the lab coat confused with the white wall when staring into empty space.

“Dude, I’m not going to eat you…”

The med student looked thoroughly unconvinced.

“Fine, you want history right?” Dean pulled one of the plastic chairs across the floor and leaned back against the wall, “ask away Kevin.”

The kid opened his mouth looking confused before glancing down at his name tag and turning red, “Right, um… your father?”

Dean turned to address his answer at Castiel. Castiel didn’t bother looking back.

“Died of a heart attack age 45, don’t know about his dad, grandma lives in Florida looking like she’s live to an ornery 105, anything else? I’m not here to hide anything” Dean shot the last sentence at Castiel before turning back to face Kevin.

The kid jumped.

“Y-yeah… your father’s heart attack, was it related to any pre-existing cardiac or pulmonary disease?”

Dean glanced up at Sam tilting his head befuddled.

“Heart and lung problems…” Sam huffed, “he didn’t have any I know of.”

“Yeah…” Dean looked down twirling his aviators in his hands, “he had high cholesterol, shitty bachelor’s diet and all that you know.”

Sam rolled his eyes and muttered, “yeah because that wasn’t his own choice or anything.”

“Bite me, Sam.” Dean grinned at him leaning back in his chair again.

“If you’re not going to be helpful then leave,” Castiel barked suddenly shooting both brothers a steely look.

The door slid open again and nurse Masters re-entered with her hands full.

"I leave for two minutes and you' start the orgy without me,” she dropped her armload of supplies down on the rolling table at the end of the bed and got to work.

“Listen I can and will use the skills I've gained changing the sheets of three hundred pound men solo to kick your asses out of here so behave…" she warned.

Castiel was quickly distracted hovering over her every movement around Jack.

Sam and Dean's faces mirrored mild shock.

"Did she just threaten us?" Dean said nonplussed plunking his chair back on four legs.

"I think so," Sam blinked.

"Can she do that? Like legally?" Dean asked.

Sam rolled his eyes, "I don't think she cares…"

Nurse Masters finished fitting a nasal cannula around Jack's face, marked down something on his chart, and left again flashing one last patent murder grin.

“Thanks…” the med student squeaked after her, quickly looking back to his clipboard when he realized everyone was staring.

“So um… is there anyone with a history of epilepsy in your family…” Kevin said not daring to look up again.

“Nope,” Dean sighed, distantly pissed again.

“Autoimmune disease?”

“Sam?” Dean said looked at him expectantly.

“No…” Sam sighed going to look through his emails on his phone, feeling more out of place by the second. He cleaned out his inbox to the tune of Dean’s repeated “no’s”

"Diabetes?"

"Nope," Dean yawned

Kevin tapped his clipboard with his pen, "Cancer?"

“Actually we did have a second cousin who’s died of cancer,”

“Oh?” Kevin’s head tilted up almost seeming relieved.

“Lung cancer, she smoked like three packs a day and worked in an asbestos factory,” Dean blinked and giving him a weird look.

“Oh…” Kevin trailed off.

“Cas?” a feeble voice broke the monotony.

Sam fumbled and almost dropped his phone, looking up.

Jack was waking up. The blanket shuffled slightly and he coughed hoarsely.

Castiel jumped and went almost immediately to hover over him.

The kid's eyes were half open glancing lazily around at the ceiling and Castiel like they weren't quite taking everything in.

"Jack?" Castiel asked voice quivered, "Jack I'm right here…"

The boy blinked dazedly reaching an exploratory hand up to feel the tube on his face tugging a little on the iv in his arm in the process. He blinked blearily at it for a moment and then his eyes snapped open breathing speeding up fearfully.

"Jack are you okay? hey hey, Jack… look at me…" Castiel said carefully laying a hand on his shoulder, "you're in the hospital."

Jack went stiff in his bed arms held awkwardly in front of him hovering over his chest like he was scared to move and accidentally yank on something important.

"No… no I…" he breathed looking around panicked, wincing, his eyes caught sight on the splint on his arm.

"I'm sorry…" he mumbled giving another hacking cough and tearing up, "did I… did I get in a fight? I'm sorry, please don't ground me…"

He didn’t even seem to notice Sam or Dean in the room.

"No Jack you're not in trouble you didn't do anything," Castiel quickly reassured him with a soft smile, "you… fell Jack…" his voice cracked.

Something in Sam’s stomach squirmed like he was invading something incredibly personal and private.

Castiel took a steadying breath that came out almost as shakily as Jack’s."Y-you had a seizure, Jack…"

The teenager’s eyes widened.

“Do you… do you remember anything about what happened?” Cas reached out to gently relax Jack’s arms back on top of his blanket.

“M-my head hurt… I…” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “I felt… weird, I went to the bathroom…” he trailed off.

Cas smiled sadly, “you did, and you locked the door…” he gently held the boy's non-splinted hand, “I really wish you hadn’t done that.”

Dean must have felt as out of place as Sam did because at that point with barely a sound he got up face unreadable and left the room.

Jack finally noticed his older siblings then roaming glazed eyes landing bewildered on Dean’s retreating back before shifting to Sam.

Sam’s chest jumped and he opened his mouth searching for something to say but Jack looked quickly away as if burned before he could get anything out.

It hard for Sam to resist following Dean right out the door after that. Instead, Sam tried to busy himself on his phone drafting an email to his work that he’d be a day late flying back.

“No no, I…” Jack face screwed up and he coughed again much harsher than before into his free hand, “I can’t,” his breath came out in a wheezy huff between coughs.

The medical student Kevin came to the side of his bed and picked up the control pushing a button causing the back to come to a half seated position.

It seemed to help because the coughing eased after a few moments and Jack was finally able to finish his sentence.

He cleared his throat, his pale face stained pink from the stress of the attack, “I… I can’t be in the hospital… we need to go home… I need to feed F-felix.”

"Felix? Did Jack have a dog or something," Sam thought.

Castiel comforted him gently, “Jack you fed him before we left, it’ll be at least another week before you feed him again.”

“Ah so… definitely not a dog then…”

“M-maybe you could bring him here?” Jack looked up at him hopefully.

Castiel blinked it was his turn to look confused, “Jack I don’t think they let pets in the hospital.”

“I… I’ve got school tomorrow…” Jack muttered conversation changing mid-stride looking unfocused past Castiel, ��we… we have to go back.”

“Jack, you’re in the hospital I think they’ll understand,” Castiel shot the medical student a worried look.

“He’s um… they have him on morphine for the arm, he might be a little… confused?” Kevin explained looking a little unsure himself.

“Mr. Edlund hates me…” Jack muttered trying to push himself weakly up in bed, “he’ll fail me.”

Castiel sighed, placing a hand on his chest, “well then it’s good that I work at your school, I’ll just have to talk Chuck out of that okay?”

Jack seemed appeased by that and relaxed back against his pillows.

“I actually needed to ask Jack a few questions for the form,” Kevin said after a moment awkwardly clicking his pen.

Sam’s eyebrow rose, Castiel shot Kevin a look.

Kevin cleared his throat suddenly studying his clipboard like it held the secrets of the universe, “Um have you recently taken any drugs, Jack?”

Jack hunched up defensively giving Kevin a suspicious look, “Yes… but you gave them to me…”

“Okay,” Castiel broke in aggravated, “maybe now… isn’t the best time for that?”

“P-please don’t,” Jack cleared his throat, “call the c-cops…” he took a shaky breath and launched into another fit of coughing.

Castiel gently patted the boy's back as he curled in on himself coughing into his hands Castiel’s expression quickly turning to one of alarm as the coughing was broken up by almost choking gasps.

“Sh-should we call someone?” Sam asked nervousness sinking into his stomach. Kevin opened his mouth unsure.

It took a minute for the coughing to gradually ease, Jack’s face red and eyes watering as he shakily regained his breath…

“Are you alright?” Castiel asked, the hand not on Jack’s back gripping the bed rail like a lifeline.

Jack was squinting befuddled into his hand, “I… I think I coughed up a lung…” he mumbled before raising his hand for all to see, “look…”

The medical student turned dead white fumbling around for the call button.

Jack’s palm was coated in blood.

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

[emmelfish]

‘After woohoo, I like to celebrate with a long hike to ponder the fact that my wife being pregnant means it’ll be a while before we can have more babies.’

Pfft, keep dreaming John. Like that want about playing for tips, nice try – you have zero creativity points. Stick to wanting to praise Tabby, becoming besties with Lucy, and befriending Darren. Also if it’s so hot maybe you should take off your outerwear when you get inside?

FACK

John: What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes!

Jen: These interactions ALWAYS result in one of us walking away with minus points, why would you think this one would be any different? Anyway, come look at this, you’ll like this.

Jen: LOOK! He’s watching sports on TV like he’s people!

John: Oh that’s adorable! Hey speaking of sports, how is woohoo like a game of bridge?

Jen: *screams internally*

Finally, Jen gets to hang out with some intelligent lifeforms.

Jen: Alright. ‘Examine the lives of the best and the most fruitful sim and sims and ask yourself whether a tree which is supposed to grow to a proud height could do without bad weather and storms: whether misfortune and external resistance, whether any kinds of hatred, jealousy, stubbornness, mistrust, hardness, greed and violence do not belong to the favorable conditions without which any great growth even of virtue is scarcely possible?’

Tabby: Screw this.

Jen: ‘The poison from which the weaker nature perishes strengthens the strong sim – and he does not call it poison.’

John: My wife! I am so proud of you for reading to our child and furchildren and yet-to-be-born children AND getting a golden ticket to My Muse from the spiky-haired man because of your musical talent.

(Hey it’s Justin Kim again! Wonder if he’s come searching for his Hot Tub Time Machine mom.) 

Justin: I’m a child and even I know that if you jump on her like that it’s not good for your yet-to-be-born children.

Pop

Jen: The hell is this?

John: You said you wanted new clothes. 

Jen: But blue is so not my color.

John: But darling, now you match my shorts! 🎵Off to tend to my peppers I shall go...

Glitches

John: 🎵 With a broken arm, yes oh-ee-oh

Another day, another dollar simoleon...

Jen: TUCKER II! You lucrative little furball, thank you so much for pulling your weight while Mommy is carrying so much of it and thus can’t work herself, all thanks to that great big tit I’m married to.

John: What’s that?

Jen: I said is that the Greater Blue-Tit you’ve spotted there dear?

John: I think it is!

Jen: YAY I am so proud of you!

John: Me too!

John: Unff

I’m sorry, I can’t suspend my disbelief with this game any longer because Lucy IS the classmate that saw the rated R movie, and would be the one describing boobies and butts and bloody violence to the innocent child this chance card was actually meant for. So I picked Ignore, because a) no, and b) chance cards are bullshit, they have a 99.999999999999% chance of undoing all your good work in any scenario.

Oh looky who it is! Everyone’s favorite Desiderata resident. And, three nanoseconds of a chat with Jen results in Jen’s crumpled face of confusion and Natasha’s hatred thought bubble. Shame, really.

I’ve noticed the community tends to call her Nat, but all the Natashas I’ve known in my life (all two of them) go for Tash or Tasha. I’m torn. I’ll tell you what I’m NOT torn on. Her exquisite grilled cheese dress by the exquisite @strangetomato, amirite? 🧀

GO TABS!

Good: Tabby promoted Good: Smart investing Bad: Justin falling out with Lucy, probably because he was the kid the chance card was meant for and she was traumatizing him with talk of blood and boobies. I’m not gonna lose sleep over it, he’s all the way out in Viper Canyon so it wasn’t like they were gonna be besties in childhood. Maybe at college or something.

This family, I swear. They’re like the sim embodiment of Bender’s ‘impression of life at big Bri’s house’ in The Breakfast Club.

That’s if, uh, Bri’s parents constantly make sexually-charged advances toward one another. 

Meanwhile, dat text doe! Brandi Broke Hair Hour is upon us.

Jen: Sweetie I’ve found myself wearing something I wouldn’t choose even if it were the last garment on the planet and I’m scared.

Lucy: It’s okay Mom, if I’ve lost all respect for you it’s primarily because I’m on the precipice of puberty and that’s what’s supposed to happen.

John: The heck is this? I’m the Family sim here. You can’t have it both ways.

John: THAT’S more like it. Hai little bestie!

Lucy: Hai Dad! Why are all these people in our house?

John: Oh, well Brandi Broke was on a walkby so I wanted to paint a picture of what your hair will look like tomorrow so that you’re prepared. And I got one of those annoying messages about whether I’d been abducted by aliens from Darren even though I spoke to him yesterday, so I felt guilty.

Meanwhile, Jennifer stares longingly at her guitar and gets all introspective about this five-minute lack of romance in her life, exacerbated by Brandi heartfarting at Darren. That Family/Knowledge attraction, it never fails. And yet, somehow I can’t see Dustin and Dirk as stepbrothers, but we need to find Brandi someone soon as she needs to up her brood to six for that stupid LTW about marrying off multiple kids. WHAT IF UNBORN BABYBROKE ISN’T THE MARRYING KIND, Brandi, ever think of that?!

(Makes mental note to create drahmz by making Unborn Babybroke a Romance sim who constantly disappoints its mother)

Jen: Oh that DOES it. You lot might be able to sit around waiting for these babies to fall out of me but I have to DO something.

Brandi you utter utter terrible stupid moron you are PENNILESS WHY are you tipping Jen all those simoleons 😱

Lucy meanwhile stares at her father and tries to picture Brandi’s hair on his face in a vain attempt to glimpse into her near future.

And yet... are these two meant to be though? The synchronized terrible dancing and constant thoughts of one another may be a sign. That said, Dina Caliente does that with Darren too and, much as I love Darren and Dina as individuals, the thought of that is so godawfully wrong that I always have to direct sims to speak with each of them separately in an attempt to stop them autonomously eating one another’s faces whenever they always show up in the same GD welcome wagon. #StopDinarren #SaveTheDreamers #ACRYouMonster

Lucy manages to alienate yet another boy from districts afar (like does her schoolbus refuel in Viper Canyon or something?) by saying things about art or theater that offend Gallagher Newson so deeply, he launches a tirade of vitriolic mansplaining at her while she checks her nails, unfazed. Atta girl. 

Brandi: I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...

Best not look outside then Bran.

Tabby: Huh? Yeah? You want some o’ this? Come at me bro!

Tabby: Oh you think I can’t take you? Think again assclown, I’m a stunt double now, I eat fear FOR BREAKFAST.

And so the thrill ride begins. Lucy’s face is that unique mixture of anxiety and resignation that plainly says, ‘Well, my reign is at an end. It’s been real, friends.’

I love Tucker II, but the fact that he chooses THIS moment to act out for the first time in his life and start destroying the furniture is far from cool. Clearly he too is worried about upcoming changes in the pack hierarchy.

Stone cold Tabs meanwhile favors staying outside in the rain and having no part in any of this.

Tabby: 🎵 Hello darkness my old friend...

Urgh

IS NOOBOO TIME!

Spoiler alert: this nooboo actually ends up with blue eyes because I quit without saving to roll the pacifier a couple times, which is sad because neither nooboo has black hair now. But we’ll survive. Somehow. I just liked this snap.

When both your dog and your seconds-old nooboo are thinking about Brandi, it’s probably time for her to leave the house. But she won’t, because she’s a Family sim who subscribes to the stereotype of only caring about other people’s children. And pets.

3 days off? Pahaha. I don’t even have any hacks installed to share parental leave (I really should), and Jen was somehow still back at work the next day.

Poor Babygirl Burb (not her permanent name) isn’t getting a great start in life considering everybody’s just yelling about Babyboy Burb and not even acknowledging her. Well, except Jen, who hasn’t yet put her down. See that, Family sims?! That’s how to do it.

Case in point.

Brandi: Congrats!

John: Oh yeah, the nooboos? Great aren’t they. I’m sure I dropped The Boy around here somewhere.

The Boy: And my suffering beginneth...

John: The Boy! Ah, The Boy. There you are. The Boy.

(If you can’t already tell, John will be saying ‘The Boy’ in the same relieved and happy voice as the dad from 8 Simple Rules for the rest of his natural life, primarily because both of his daughters are genetically engineered to make his hair grey.)

Hey Brandi, ever feel like you’re intruding on an intimate family moment?

Brandi: Nup!

Lucy: I just can’t picture it ON me...

Brandi: Kid, what is it with you and my hair?

John: I’VE LOST THE BOY AGAIN

Lucy: Haha, my parents can be so incompetent sometimes.

Lucy: Actually... where are my parents?

Well Lucy, get ready to upscale that judgment of incompetence because...

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. John’s face. John’s face right there. Is the most smackable face I’ve ever seen.

Not only did Jennifer Burb give birth TO TWINS less than five minutes ago...

... but they unceremoniously dumped both twins in the Bouncinators, and they’re now screaming.

To which, their creators remain oblivious. There are some pretty terrible parents out there in the Sims universe BUT THESE TWO ARE HOT ON THEIR HEELS right now.

Hey, while these poor minutes-old creatures are stuck screaming in their Bouncinators while John presumably tries to create more problems for the family with his testicles, why don’t we meet them?

This is not at all named solely to give Alexander Goth a younger wife one day Cecilia! You can’t see them here because they’re squeezed shut in agony and anguish, but her eyes are deep blue, presumably from her grandfather Jeff Pleasant. Perhaps upon looking at her, her uncle Daniel will be overcome with the guilt referenced in his bio and try to send her to Mars.

And here’s Patrick! With his skintone plus the brown eyes and brown hair, he’s probably destined to be a John / Lucy clone, but we shall see. Let’s get one thing straight though (or should I say curly), when these anklebiters transition they are both leaping right into Jennifer Burb tousled waves territory.

Lucy: WHAT DO I DO

Don’t worry Lucy, we’ll pause this one here as it’s already been far too long a round and no doubt everyone involved is tired as hell.

Until next time!

[myneighborhood-thelake]

Grand Canyon Rim-River-Rim, October 2019

Grand Canyon

Wednesday, October 23rd

Rim to River and Back details

4,600’ elevation gain

4,900’ elevation loss

18.2 miles

7 hours, 55 minutes clock time

6 hours, 53 minutes travel time

This included a side trip to Phantom Ranch

Route:

down South Kaibab

quick stop to put our fingers in the water

to Phantom Ranch

Back across the river

up Bright Angel

My best ideas are never what anyone would call “smart.”

Mark Markley had the idea a while back to do something really stupid.

OK, I’m listening…..

He proposed running the Grand Canyon. All of it.

From Rim down to the River up to the other Rim, down to the river again and finally back up and out to the South Rim. It’s also called Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim, and it’s something like 42 miles. You can probably guess, you are either going uphill or downill. There is no flat ground.

A bunch of us said we would do it. All of us but Mark Markley dropped out, and then Mark got injured.

Then I got laid off and needed to get the hell out of town for a couple of days. Family was up for it. United airlines was up for it (10,000 miles and $40 each way), and it wasn’t like training for distance has ever been that important to me. No, I wasn’t training for this. I think I had maybe 18 running miles since January of this year.

Whatever, I got the gear, I like to suffer. Why the hell not?

After flying with a very early departure out of SFO, I grabbed a rental car. Seriously Phoenix? Your rental car center is bigger than the Mall of America, and I was on the road, finally arriving in the town of Grand Canyon, or  whatever the hell they call it, around 3pm where I met Mark and Beth Markley at the Grand Hotel at the Grand Canyon. I also did a phone interview on the way. Unemployed means you do phone screens when they are available.

You may also notice a theme. Total lack of knowledge and thought. It’s pretty simple route - first you go down, then you come back up, so it doesn’t even really need a map. Yes, we forgot the damn map too.

That evening we did a quick recon trip to find the trailheads so we would be ready the next morning. It took us a bit to find South Kaibab trailhead which made it all the more important we did find it BEFORE the morning of. You can’t drive to the South Kaibab trailhead, so Beth waited with the car while Mark and I hoofed it in the ½ to ¾ mile to Yaki Point. When we found the actual trailhead, where the trail clearly drops into the canyon I was giddy like a 3 year old on Christmas. Practically bounced my way to the dirt and I think I said, “holy fuck man, this is it!”

I’m super eloquent like that.

So we cruised back, stopped for a pizza, and headed back to the hotel to pack. Which mainly meant Mark and I stared at our gear scattered around the hotel room and said, “I don’t know. What do you think we need to take?”

We knew the start would be cold with a forecasted low of 29F (that’s -2 for my Canadian peeps). We also knew we’d be heating up quickly on the trail. I opted for my standard coolmax sleeveless T-shirt (which I ALWAYS wear), a long sleeve duofold shirt and my Marmot Precip windbreaker along with my boony hat.

For shoes, I’d glued some velcro on a pair of crossfit shoes so my trail gaiters would stay down. I debated and debated about bringing trekking poles and finally decided to bring them. I hate trekking poles except when I need them, and these poles got a free ride to the bottom of the canyon and back up. But they were there if I needed them I guess.

3am wakeup and caffeine up. 4 am Beth drove us to the trailhead.

Seriously Beth, thank you. That was a serious crap detail to wake up with us and drive us. On the way, Mark and I complained that the temp was too high as we were seeing 32F (0 Canadian) on the Subaru’s thermometer. Beth dropped us off and the hike commenced at 0420. After just a couple of minutes we were at the trailhead and dropping into the canyon.

Within seconds we were already down several hundred feet vertical, and we were getting warm. It was probably only a ½ mile in before we decided to shed our jackets. While shedding our jackets we also decided to shed our long sleeve t-shirts and our hats. I kept my gloves on at this point, but I did stash my trekking poles in my backpack.

Down we went, switchback after switchback. Our headlamps trained on the trail ahead of us which, like all good trails, have completely random steps, and log retainers and granite slabs. Just look down and keep moving.

We didn’t have a map, and I didn’t even have a watch.

Yeah, I know. I’ve laughed at those idiots who had to be rescued because they were stupidly unprepared for reality. Oh well, just keep moving.

Somewhere about an hour in I powered through my first Rip Van Waffle, eg the stroopwaffles that you get on United flights. I think mine was snickerdoodle. I’m definitely bringing those on the next adventure. So good and just the right hit of thin waffle and honey filling.

At Cedar Point, it was still dark, and it took us a couple of minutes to find the trailhead across the clearing from the trail. Note: it’s literally directly across the clearing.

Down, down, down. Pausing occasionally to take a leak (check for urine color) or point out a headlamp either above us or below us on the trail. At some point we hit the halfway point sign. 3.5 miles to the canyon rim and 3.8 miles to Phantom Ranch.

It was cool. It was dark. We were just pushing on.

We ran for maybe 100 yards at one point, but the trail is so random it was best to just move at a steady pace. Honestly, we were pushing it even if we were “just walking.”

I was taking steady pulls off my camelbak and feeling well hydrated.

It was beginning to lighten up a bit with the sun in the west, and at some point we hit one of those amazing vistas and our first sighting of the river. Took my breath away for a few seconds.

We kept moving forward and were caught by some whippet little ultrarunner who prob weighed no more than 135 pounds. We were, of course, very polite as he went by, but after we spent a few minutes comparing him to Sean Prior who also is whippet thin and would have been much faster than us had he not broken his foot.

And then we saw the Phantom Ranch suspension bridge. And then we dropped down further and crossed the Phantom Ranch suspension bridge. Really. It was no easy downhill, but we just kept moving.

We took a brief detour to actually touch the river. You can do this entire route without actually touching the Colorado. C’mon, that would be lame.

Phantom Ranch is about ½ mile of the trail and up a canyon. This trail is the trail we would have to take to get to the North Rim, but we stopped at Phantom Ranch like the good, smart kids we are.

We’d been on trail for 3 ½ hours.

That said, I did ask Mark how pissed off Beth would be if we went ahead and did the North Rim too.

I wasn’t kidding.

I mean, it would have totally sucked, and Beth would have been HELLA pissed off, but I was thinking about it.

On the way up to Phantom Ranch we bumped into a guy who had come down the day before, was taking a rest day at the campground and would be headed up and out the next day. He was amazed that we were doing this in a day. He also mentioned that he fell pretty hard coming down because he was looking around too much. Another benefit of traveling by headlamp is that you can only see a little bit in front of you. No sightseeing.

After a short break at Phantom Ranch, I pulled my long sleeve t-shirt off again (I get cold when we stop), and we headed down towards the river, across the river and over to Bright Angel trail.

There were more people about. Bright Angel is a popular trail. As we motored along we saw a mule train behind us in the distance. One woman jogged by saying she wanted to get ahead of the mule train. Mark and I pondered picking up the pace, but thought it best to stick with our fast hike. Why waste energy now that we’d have to pay for later?

It was full sun by now, and I was wondering just how exposed the trail would be as we hiked up. You see, I had not brought any sunscreen.

There’s really not much to be said. After a mile or so we turned left and up into a notch as the upward portion of Bright Angel trail began.

We came across a couple of little creek crossings and hopped across them. They would have been full on torrents earlier in the year. We also came across a couple who were both seriously overweight, but they had packs and were making it happen. Kudos to them.

Up we went.  By this time we could see a person or two ahead of us. I use them as rabbits and try to pick them off by picking up my pace. I’m somewhat externally motivated like that.

More switchbacks, more climbing, the cliff sides blocked the sun from beating down on us.

It’s a bit of a blur. Fast walk, drink, eat (rip van waffle or espresso Gu), pee, keep walking.

Seriously. That’s all it is.

We made it to Indian Camp where we refilled our camelbak bladders.

There’s a mule ride location at Indian Camp, and we saw a couple get delivered to the camp by helicopter. Must be nice.

We also saw a mom and her 9’ish year old daughter who were hiking the canyon.

Mark had his sticks out by now for the uphill. My hands had their usual hiking induced edema and I couldn’t have held trekking poles if I wanted to. It’s really OK, because I didn’t want to.

Lot of people were coming down for the day hike, we were also cathing and passing many folks who were on their way up. Some were from an overnight at Indian Camp or elsewhere with heavy looking backpacking packs and tents and sleeping bags. Oh how I much prefer going light.

More uphill, more water drank from the camelbak, my last waffle. Trail was fairly crowded considering we had seen almost nobody on our downward trek.

We hit the 3 mile rest house (3 miles from the top) and kept going. No need to fill up on water.

By this time I thought we had a chance to finish in under 8 hours if we got to the top by noon. I know, my math was wrong, but I was feeling really good and had a ton of trail rabbits ahead of us to stoke my ego as we caught and passed them.

I’m always so damn barn sour.

Mark was feeling it by now and my ability (on a good day) to completely dissociate from the pain and tiredness in my legs was not aligning with how Mark was feeling, so we backed it down.

Bam! 1.5 mile rest house. Only 1.5 miles to go. Little did we realize, it’s a pretty darn brutal 1.5 miles. We were both surprised at how much that last 1.5 miles sucked in terms of steep trail.

Plus the short hikers were all over the trail. Folks who stay in the middle of the trail or hike 3 abreast. Thanks folks.. but MOVE!!!

And then we could see it, the buildings on the South Rim and the short tunnel through the rock at the end of Bright Angel trail. We hauled ass into the finish, weaving through a very crowded trail.

Sub 8-hours clock time (even if we did not finish at noon, I suck at trail math)

Mark had cell service, so he called Beth to swing by and pick us up - AGAIN, can I say how much Beth contributed to the success of this venture?

While we waited, I, of course, started freezing with my now soaked t-shirt, so I pulled on my long sleeve T and my jacket. Beth grabbed us in no time since she was already in the village and jetted us down to the hotel.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks, so I chose to pack up and head out to Phoenix where I had booked a super luxurious $35/night hotel room in Mesa. Why didn’t anyone tell me Mesa is not exactly close to the Phoenix airport?

It’s not. Lesson Learned.

By 6am the next morning, I was on my flight home.

Yes, I showered before my flight….

What an incredible trip and recon for doing Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim later. We learned that we can pull it off without running. We can make it happen on little to no training (that’s important for me because I don’t have any desire to actually train), and it’s a kickass adventure.

Thanks Mark!

Thanks Beth!

Start time:

4:20am - Beth dropped us off at Yaki Road and 64 (cars are not allowed onto Yaki Road, only park busses are allowed)

Took all of 10 minutes to get from the car to the trailhead

32deg temp at start

Gear

Reebok Speed TR shoes

Joe trailman gaiters

pair of Injinji socks and pair of Under Armor socks

compression shorts

Prana shorts

Nike sleeveless T

duo fold long sleeve shirt

Marmot precip jacket

pulled off jacket

decided to pull off the duolfold long sleeve  too! didn’t need it

Food:

Carried 4 Rip Van Waffles, 2 Dutch Vanilla caramel, 2  snickerdoodle

3 Vanilla bean Gu, 2 Espresso Love Gu

2ea 2 3/4oz Lays potato chips

Food that I Ate:

all of the Rip Van Waffles (8) - those things ROCK

the 2ea Espresso Love Gu’s that I had, but not the Vanilla Bean Gu’s

1 bag of Lays potato chips

A couple of Tum’s and 3ea ibuprofen somewhere on Bright Angel, but no thermotabs, I think I did the meds at Indian Camp

Water:

carried 100oz camelbak bladder

refilled at Phantom Ranch (was still about 1/2 full)

refilled at Indian Camp on Bright Angel (was still about 2/3 full)

Was maybe ½ full when we finished the hike

temps were very cool, stayed cool through the day

mostly trail was in the shade which was good

Next time BRING SUNSCREEN!!!

I got lucky and did not need sunscreen today, but if I had needed it I would have been roasted.

[theravencroft]

Survivalists and the Proletariat Apocalypse

This began life as a Metafilter post and has been cleaned up and lightly edited.

(To me there is a difference between prudence like having some canned goods and stapled and flashlights and whatnot and planning to survive the EMP burst with a dedicated SUV. There's prudence, as in preparing for a storm and bad local events, and then there's pretending you're going to be Immortan Joe and not one of the people begging for water).

I love making fun of preppers.

I think part of it is obviously the just world fallacy at work.

"When the hordes come for me, I will simply shoot them. But I'm just built different."

And some of it is fending off the fear of death and oblivion with telling yourself you are already prepared for every situation.

And there's a good chunk that's what I'll call the Libertarian Fallacy where every Libertarian assumes he will be the triumphant Captain of Industry and not one of the Voluntarily Indentured Servants carrying his palanque. It's like the old Bob The Angry Flower where the Captains of Industry get to Galt's Gulch and realize *somebody* forgot to invent the labor saving robots to do the dirty work like tilling the soil.

But part of it is when something doesn't happen for a while, people assume it didn't happen at all or at least not recently. It's the old "oh well if measles is so bad, what did they do before vaccines, huh?" Well, sometimes they just fucking died. Like it's not that long ago that even in very modern industrialized countries people had families of 8-12 kids and it wouldn't be all that surprising if maybe 6 or 7 made it to adulthood. Because they just died. Of stuff. Of Things. There was a Twitter that would tweet medieval death records and it was kind of funny because it's like "guy fell in a river and died." "Guy got hit on the head and died." "Guy got run over by a horse and died."

We're not really used to that anymore because of this invisible web of medical technology and public health and sanitation.

I obviously don't have a rigorous demographic breakdown of preppers but I suspect a lot of these guys aren't training for, say, the rigors of "No power tools at all," old school, walk behind the plow farming. Can you imagine the heart attacks and strokes? And even the pharmaceuticals a rich prepper can get don't compare to what a small town Walgreens has on hand for an ordinary Tuesday, not to mention the weird stuff they can order.

Oops, your precious kid to repopulate the planet has a rare birth defect. Used to be a 20 minute surgery, now you just die.

Got bitten by a snake? Ah, yes, I too remember antivenom. Would be great to have some of that now. But it turns out it wasn't profitable to produce so it was impossible to find even before total collapse. And even if we didn't have antivenom we could run fluids and machines to support your organs but we don't have that now, you just die.

Oh it turns out without mosquito control, mosquito born disease is a lot more common. And if you get the wrong one, you just die.

I mean how many totally well meaning people buy land in the country thinking they are going to run a little hobby farm and it is going to be so cool and they will have big colorful produce not like the crap you get in stores and then oops it turns out farming is hard work and it never ever ends and honestly a lot of times, you know, it takes a few crop seasons to really get anything going. And I know it's not really cool to admit, but a whole lot of modern farming is huge agribusiness companies with modern chemicals and whatnot for things like pests. Subsistence farming is hard, brutal labor where you barely make enough to survive until you screw up and die.

Yeah, yeah, organic, but lots of times farms fail and you just die.

Until relatively recently it was pretty common for entire regions and even countries to have massive famines because the crops failed and you Just Died.

Good thing we have modern distribution networks to get wheat from, I dunno, China when the Midwest crops fail because because there's no Army Corps of Engineers maintaining the levees anymore so a good chunk of the farm belt is underwater and never will be above ground again. Oh we don't have that anymore? What do we do?

Oh, we just die.

I mean, let's be real, most of these guys aren't picturing themselves as stocking up to spend the rest of their lives being an old timey sodbuster scraping out a living. They probably don't outright say it publicly (some do I'm sure), but the guns are so they don't have to do the manual labor. That's for the slaves/completely totally voluntarily indentured contract labor (depends how Libertarian they are).

They picture it more like, you know, because I was the one who was smart enough to get all these guns, then people will have to come to me, and THEY will do the work, and I will sit on the throne and have big ideas. It's being the Ideas Guy for the post apocalypse.

I would wager not many of these guys spend a lot of time studiously learning to spin and knit and weave or mastering growing flax or cotton or what have you to make cloth to turn into clothes. What do you think happens when your sicknasty BDUs that only True Operators wear rip from stem to stern? Goddamn clothes, nobody makes them to last anymore. Good thing there's a massive manufacturing and distribution network where child labor makes plenty of this in my size that wind up in my local Cabela's and...oh, I forgot, that doesn't exist anymore. Okay, let's see, we have 500,000 rounds of .223 and 55 years of MREs and...goddamn it Gary did you forget the go bag with all the clothes? Well how are we gonna survive? Winter is coming. How do we stay warm without clothes or blankets?

Oh, we just die.

That's not even getting into the monied classes. Do you think THEY are signing up for the manual labor. It is kind of funny imagining the billionaires emerging from their bunkers into the brave new world. Imagine Zucc swinging a scythe to reap grain or Bezos spending 8 hours a day bent over to pick cotton to eventually make clothes. Or the billionaire CFO and airport novelist teaming up to hand-dig the irrigation trench because we are getting low on stockpiled seeds and this is going to be it.

It's absurd. It's like the Hitchhiker's Guide ship entirely full of useless people.

The would-be Immortan Joe has a shot but how in the hell are you still going to be a billionaire when your money is a line in a bank database and "money" and "banks" and "databases" don't exist anymore. You're a computer programmer, dipshit, that requires electricity at the very least.

No, no, no. What they are picturing is, basically, the Proletariat Rapture. "I will retire to my comfortably appointed bunker where I will still get to be a big shot business guy and take meetings and be extremely important and all my guards with explosive collars to assure their loyalty will call me sir, and then something will happen and all the homeless and poor people I see on the streets of San Francisco and all the other poor people, the rabble, the useless, (include the races they don't like as appropriate), will be gone, preferably violently, with lots of suffering. And then me and my buddies will emerge, all 12 of us, all Big Shot Business Guys, will take our robot cars into San Francisco for Meetings and we finally, FINALLY won't have to risk soiling our $5000 hand made Italian dress shoes (new Chucks, in Zucc's case, man of the people) stepping in a pile of human shit. And everything will be exactly the same as it is now including a global electronic trade network and people thinking "apps" are life-changingly important, but even better, because the people I don't like are all dead, and we can finally settle in to the most important work of all, disrupting the convenience store industry by putting a little kiosk in the lobby of apartment building with some essentials, like a Bodega but see there's an app and it's automated."

That's not even getting into the lack of knowledge transfer!

We can't even get people to believe things like "okay so a lot of illness is caused by tiny things you can't see, and believe it or not the best treatment isn't thoughts and prayers or willpower or even bootstraps, it's covering your mouth and nose when you're sick or cough or sneeze and it's rubbing your hands together enthusiastically in clean running water with a mild detergent of some kind smeared on them" NOW!

By the shock collar thing isn't a joke. There's an article where the writer goes to one of these rich guy survivalist conference/seminar things and the conversation is pretty much literally...

"Okay so obviously we hire these mercenaries and private security and they've got the guns and we've got the money but, you know, how do we make sure they stay loyal"

"Well...you could try treating them really well and also including their families and taking care of them, so they have an incentive besides a paycheck, build actual loyalty."

*silence*

*hysterical laughter*

"Nice joke but seriously like I saw this movie where they had explosive collars and if they didn't like you or you turn against them or whatever, they blow your head off, does that actually exist yet?'

Say what you will about the robber barons of the 1920s but at least they realized some basics like "give back to the community a smidge so they don't remember they outnumber you" and "generally speaking our beloved capitalism requires other people to have at least a single wafer thin mint of money so the whole thing keeps going." These guys are like "okay but I could have all the money and also more capitalism enabling me to have even more money?"

Okay okay, work with me.

You are Reebok (some shoes they gave you, it said Reebok, that's your name) Smithandwesson (your gun, which you were issued at birth, as this is post apocalyptic Libertopia). You are a gate guard for the Republic of Cleveland, which is a thing, and isn't really a republic, but since you were born post-Event you don't have much of an understanding of what a Republic even is. But you have a job and that is okay because you have a weapon and a bunk in the barracks and you are basically fed and supplied. Maybe if you fantasize, you think about running one of the outer satrapys some day. But you are not a Founder. The idea of Moving Fast and Breaking Things seems odd, because things are hard to fix and replace.

You don't have an inkling or idea of what "shareholder value" is. You poor dumb son of a bitch. You will never earn incredible returns and work a 4 Hour Workweek and retire at 35 to give TED talks about ayahuasca and microdosing hallucinogens to crush code and design Wireframes for cutting edge AR devices to stream Burning Man and meet new angel investors.

You know some of these words, but they are words and the important ones are different for you.

Your job is actually kind of interesting. You don't really make the final decision about who gets to be a citizen or a concubine or a slave or even a fellow gate guard. You just kind of do a screening to see, you know, does this person seem more or less healthy and useful. Because even glorious Cleveland requires a certain trade of useful labor of some kind in exchange for the hassle of getting you clothes and food and shelter, all of which are in short supply.

Sometimes you vaguely wonder who Cleve was and why this is his Land, but not deeply, more daydreaming between people approaching, petitioners, traders, madmen, the occasional raid. It's interesting enough, every day is a little different, and it beats the poor wretches who toil in the field. You don't get to do deep evaluations but you kind of pride yourself on deciding who gets to enter. Really deciding who will be a future citizen or slave and who gets gently herded away or shot at or shot depending on a variety of factors. You're not a murderer exactly but killing is a casual decision, sometimes a matter of self defense, sometimes an act of compassion like putting down a mad animal.

Zucc or Jack Dorsey or Jeff Bezos have emerged from their bunkers tanned and rested and ready to deliver a ton of value to the post-apocalyptic shareholders, especially now that the idea of "national government" is gone. Free at last to disrupt, unhindered.

But...

There's not a Ted Talk in sight. You wonder whose job it was to maintain the ATM network. Jim Cramer isn't returning your calls. Actually, you can't get any calls. Nobody seems interested in having a breakout session. There are definitely NOT butts in seats at the office, much less meetings or presidential runs. Elon is unreachable. Weirdly, nobody seems to know how the whole Mars thing is going. Or what Mars is.

Over a period of time even the most promising 30 under 30 begins to break down and admit that okay, I cannot find a single sushi restaurant of any kind.

Nobody seems to offer you a kombucha.

There is plenty of raw water but there also seem to be a LOT of people dying of waterborne disease, which is odd, since this is the most pure and organic and unfiltered water possible, especially since toxins seem to be unknown. Nobody knows what they are anyway or that Gwyneth had a great way to shit them all out and get it over with.

Using acai, isn't that cool? It's a superfood.

Through time and necessity and plot device, Bezos or Zucc or Dorsey have arrived in front of you, reduced finally to asking for refuge or sustenance or food it doesn't have to be organic but it would be nice, you know.

There is an air of desperation about them but you know enough to put it down to hunger and theist and some loss of status perhaps. But you steer the conversation to the thing you really care about: what skills do they bring? How can they be of use?

They do seem to think they are extremely important but don't seem to be able to tell you what they actually do. You sort of get the idea of "thought leadership," But telling other people how to be in charge when you don't have a rifle, much less 300 mounted troops, seems odd. Why would they listen? They plead with you but you don't really get why it's important all voices be represented in the conversation about Star Wars, even those we find loathsome. You didn't even know the Stars were at War much less who they were fighting.

But it's kind of fascinating.

They don't quite sound completely gone but they do seem deeply convinced that they "deliver shareholders value" by optimizing bottom lines and making tough choices.

You snort.

Whether to try the "meat" on Wednesdays, now THAT is a tough choice.

While this is an interesting bit of novelty for a while, you soon grow bored.

Maybe you send them away.

One tells you he is the richest man in the world but seems to be offering you stock options but you can't figure out why you would want the chance to maybe buy some things at a reduced price and then sell them later at a high price if Previous Performance Indicates Future Results which it definitely DOES NOT wink wink.

Maybe you send them onward because they seem reasonably lucid despite being convinced they went to Space as a Real Astronaut, whatever that meant. Many "important" men found out their choice now was to shovel shit or starve. Most shoveled. Some starved.

But you always wonder if you were missing something. It was kind of weird how convinced they were that you should've heard of them or a book of...collected faces, apparently. To say nothing of the very odd man convinced getting a wide array of opinion on the gender of some manner of knight was of life or death importance. Knights were hard to find. And who is Jed I. anyway?

Oh, well, another day on the gate.

[genogenocrazycatman]

Stillwater - Chapter 14

Stillwater [Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.Net, Mibba]

Characters: Original Female Character, Monkey D. Luffy, Rorona Zoro, Vinsmoke Sanji, Nami, Usopp, Tony Tony Chopper, Nefeltari Vivi

"We build as only children know to build

We made a way where there's a will

No slowing down or standing still

Innocent and reckless

"How did we get so old and never notice

How did we gain the world and lose the moment

Rise and fall, the tide surrounds us

And drowns us all"

-Hands Like Houses

***

“What in the world was that?” I asked, pausing my polishing of the furniture, when I felt the ship suddenly rock.

“Luffy, what else,” Nami said, standing in the door way of our shared room. “Looks good.” She nodded towards the bar. “Smells good too.”

“Not a bad polish,” I said, looking at the container, “But I’m sure that I could probably make my own from the peels of your tangerines, if you start saving them for me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah totally. People have been using lemon and orange oils to polish furniture for years. I don’t see why tangerine wouldn’t work.”

“Huh. I’ll have to start keeping them for you then. I’m gathering everyone up for a quick crew meeting, you good to head on up or do you need a minute?”

“Nah. I’m good. I’ll finish up later.”

I set my stuff down and followed Nami out. “The boys were all hanging out on the aft deck. Nami went back to get them. Vivi was already standing on the main deck. I plopped down on the ground, sitting crisscross and resting my head in my hand.

“Hey, listen up you guys. We’ll be landing at Alabasta soon, and this is no time to be joking around. Like a pack of hyenas. Come on.”

“Yes ma’am,” The boys all grumbled, save for Chopper, who hadn’t suffered through enough bossy Nami to be properly put off.

“So what is Alabasta then?” he asked as they descended the stairs.

“It’s the country, where Vivi’s father rules,” Nami explained.

“Yeah, except there’s this guy named Crocodile, who’s trying to take over the country right now,” Usopp elaborated.

“And Crocodile’s one of the seven war lords of the sea,” Sanji added.

“Who are those guys?”

“Government sanctioned pirates,” I answered.

“The government actually supports pirates?”

“In exchange for doing the governments bidding, and bringing in other pirates, they get to do whatever else they want without fear of the marines.”

“Pretty weird, huh?”

“I’m really looking forward to meeting this Crocodile guy.”

Luffy was the only one. I had never run into any of the war lords. I considered myself lucky that way. The last thing I needed or wanted was anyone associated with the government having knowledge of me or my family. It was bad enough that three of the four emperors did. While they were significantly more powerful than any of the war lords, they were focused solely on their own agendas, none of which included me anymore.

“Crocodile is considered a hero back home. He helps get rid of the pirates, who attack Alabasta. However, his good deeds only appear good on the surface. He is an evil man. In truth, he’s manipulating the citizens of Alabasta to bring about a civil war, so that he can take over the country. No one has realized what Crocodile’s doing yet, not the people, not even my father,” Vivi explained.

I had to give to Crocodile. It was a smart plan. Crocodile would be lauded as a hero, if he successful took over. The man, who brought an end to Alabasta’s civil war. Someone that the people would want to , appearing as a hero, while secretly

“Right. This should be fun. All we have to do is beat up that Crocosilde guy.”

“Yes, but order to do that, we have to avert the civil war in Alabasta and get Baroque Works out of the picture.”

“Baroque Works?” Chopper asked.

“Oh yeah. You don’t know anything about them either. To be honest, I don’t completely understand what’s going on with them myself. They have a really complicated system of agents, bosses and partners.”

“The system is actually pretty simple...”

I followed Vivi’s explanation of the organization, which led to the realization that all of the high-ranking officials were one their way to Alabasta too, as well as many of the 2,000 foot soldiers. Not that averting a civil war was ever going to be easy, but it was getting increasingly more complicated. Luffy’s only concern was Crocodile, which was to be expected. If only, it was only that simple.

“Well first thing’s first. We have to get to Alabasta, but that doesn’t mean you get to mess around until then. Use the next couple of days to get ready.”

We all nodded and voiced our agreement.

“Hey, Mimi?”

“Yeah, Luffy?”

“Since Nami’s all better, does this mean you’ll tell everyone that you’re a vampire?”

Had I been sitting in a chair, I probably would’ve fallen out of it. I wouldn’t really expect anything less from Luffy, but still.

Sanji reacted quickly, making up for my lack of reaction. “Luffy, how dare you insinuate that our lovely Mira is a vampire?! I should kick your teeth down your throat for just suggesting such a thing!”

“A vampire?!” Chopper and Usopp yelled, terrified at the prospect.

“Guys there’s no such thing as vampires. I told you to stop screwing around, Luffy,” Nami scolded.

Unlike the others, Zoro and Vivi had caught on yo my distress. The pair both looked at me. Vivi was concerned, her soft gaze filled with worry. Zoro narrowed his eyes, his gaze wary.

“Mimi,” Luffy whined, two goose eggs on his head, one from Nami and one from Sanji. “You said after Nami got better.”

I should’ve said after Alabasta. That would’ve been smarter.

Luffy was looking at me with a slight pout and those big eyes. It wasn’t a puppy dog pout, but it was close enough for me to cave. ‘Damn it.’ I didn’t think I would ever be immune to a puppy dog pout. I had tried and tried to build up a tolerance to it, but still big eyes and pouty lips usually got me to cave or yell for Cal, so that she could deal with it, but she wasn’t here right now.

“I did,” I said, dragging my hand down my face. “And I thought we agreed that I wasn’t a vampire?”

I had tried figuring out how it was that I was going to go about this. Sure, Luffy believed me right off the bat, but it was Luffy. He was more concerned about Chopper being a magical transforming reindeer than a doctor, a chance to have the devil’s daughter on board, even better. Sanji said he believed me. It sure felt like he did, but maybe that was just part of his nature. After all, Sanji was looking for something that many didn’t think exist, the All Blue. Not that it was a direct correlation, but it seemed that Sanji was more open to the impossible.

“Wait what?” Nami asked, turning to look at me.

Everyone was looking at me.

Sanji, sighed lighting another cigarette and taking a drag.

“Mira, what’s Luffy talking about?” Vivi asked.

“Well, I’m not a vampire, if that helps,” I started. “But I’m not human either.” I gave them a second to take that in.

“You look human,” Chopper said. He sniffed. “You smell human, mostly.”

“Mostly?” Usopp asked.

“She kind of smells like the ocean.”

“I’m still here,” I reminded them, causing the pair to look at me again.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Zoro asked.

“That must be it! You really had us going, Mira!” Usopp slapped his thigh.

“She’s not joking,” Sanji said.

Usopp’s face twisted into a look of confusion.

“You’re in on it, Shit Cook?”

“There’s nothing to be in on,” I interjected, before Sanji and Zoro could start fighting. “Look. Here’s the deal. Many of the legends that people talk about are based in some type of reality. They might have been distorted over time, but there’s usually a shred of truth at their core. I say this, because you’re not going to believe, what I’m about to say. Not at first. Maybe not ever. I can’t change that. I’m not really looking to, but I made a promise to Luffy, so here we go. I’m the daughter of the sea devil.”

I got blank stares. I just kept going. They were going to catch up or sit there in disbelief. If it was the latter, then I could just leave them there stunned and deal with it later.

“And I do mean the sea devil. I’m not just using that phrase to call him an asshole.” ‘Although he is an absolute fucking asshole.’ “It’s through my blood, through him, that I can move water like I do. It’s an ability I was born with. I never ate a devil fruit. The reason why I don’t go into the water is because I can’t use my powers on or when I’m in salt water. And while I’m not immortal like he is, I’m very old and very hard to kill.”

“Isn’t it cool?” Luffy giggled.

“That’s impossible,” Vivi said.

I shrugged. I knew what I was saying was true, but I still felt stupid. It was like telling your older sibling that you were afraid of the monster in your closet, only to have them tell you that, “Monsters aren’t real,” and, “You’re a wuss.”  This was a terrible idea. Who the hell just ran around telling people that their the devil’s child?

The air got heavy. Even if they thought I was full of shit, it was clear that I didn’t think so. They were trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. What do you do, when you think your crewmate is starting to lose it?

“Let’s say you really are the sea devil’s daughter. How’d you end up in Logue Town?” Usopp asked. “Wouldn’t you be in like his evil lair or whatever?”

“I washed up there,” I answered honestly.

“Washed up?”

I groaned, my pride taking a hit. “I picked a fight with him, and got my ass kicked, again. He launched me out to sea, and used the currents to beach me at Logue Town.”

“Picked a fight?”

“Our relationship is complicated.”

“How complicated?” Vivi asked. She didn’t seem to believe me, but she also didn’t seem to think that I was totally out of my mind.

“I’ve been trying to kill him for decades now with little to no success.”

“You can’t be serious,” Nami said, seeming to be firmly on the “she’s lost it” side of things. She was annoyed, which wasn’t really surprising. She was concerned about getting Vivi to Alabasta first for foremost. Distracting everybody from their goal for such a stupid sounding confession was bound to piss her off. “The Sea Devil? Really? That’s farfetched, even for Usopp.”

“Yeah, Mira. Can you prove it?” Usopp asked.

“I can prove that I’m not human.” I closed my eyes. When I opened them, my irises, which were a medium shade of grey lighten to a shade of silver that was almost glowing, and my pupils were now rectangular.

Usopp screamed, grabbing onto Chopper, who was shaking.

Nami’s eyes were wide as were Vivi’s. “Back in Little Garden?”

I nodded. I closed them, returning to them to their previous state. “I don’t look human, naturally. The same power that allows me to manipulate water, allows me to change my appearance, so that I can blend in with humans. In Little Garden, I shifted my eyes back, so that that girl’s traps didn’t work on me, since I see things differently.”

“If you are telling the truth, that means you’ve been lying to us from the beginning,” Zoro pointed out. His voice was hard. “In which case, why should we trust you now? How do we know that you’re not a threat?”

I looked over at him. His arms were crossed over his chest. He believed me. He wouldn’t be upset like he was otherwise.

“I have been,” I confirmed. “And you shouldn’t, because you don’t. You don’t know basically anything about me. You know some of my skills, cooking, cleaning, sewing, fighting. You know I’m strong and that I heal quick. You have no idea, where I came from, or what I can do? I never told you, who my father is or that my very presence puts you in danger. That storm that hit us right before Whisky Peak, that was my father’s doing. He doesn’t seem to be fond of the idea of me joining a pirate crew, and there are others out there, who want me dead. Keeping me around is foolish.”

“So you’d leave willingly?”

“No one’s leaving,” Luffy said, matching Zoro’s seriousness.

Zoro’s gaze shifted from me to Luffy. “You’ve already made a decision?”

Luffy nodded.

I think it was finally settling in on the others that what I was saying was true. Luffy believing me was one thing, but Zoro was another. They also had to come to grasp with the realization that they knew very little about me. I had listened to them tell stories about their homes. I had eve asked questions, but had offered up little in return.

“Mira’s a part of this crew. It doesn’t matter, who her dad is. She’s our stewardess. I’m not changing my mind.”

Zoro said nothing, standing up and walking off.

I sighed, leaning my head back against the Merry and closing my eyes.

Sanji patted my shoulder and stood up.

“Don’t even think about it,” I said, opening one eye to look at him. “He’s allowed to be mad, and you’re not going to give him shit for it.” Sanji looked ready to protest.

“Sanji, I’m kind of hungry. Do we have any pudding?” Nami asked.

“I’ll go make some right now, Nami-swan!” Sanji said, rushing towards the kitchen, Nami following behind.

The mention of food, returned Luffy to his usual cheerful energetic self. “Sanji can you make pudding with meat?”  He chased after the love struck cook.

Wait! I’ll come with you!” Usopp cried, afraid of being left with me.

That left Vivi and Chopper. Chopper seemed frozen, where he was.

“Mira.”

I looked at Vivi.

“Thanks for telling us,” she said, giving me a small smile. “I know that was hard for you. I don’t know what I believe, but I know that you’re good people, and that’s the important part. I’m sure the others will realize that, even Mr. Bushido.”

I gave her a smile in return.

She stood up and headed inside.

The only one left was Chopper. I felt so bad. Hey welcome to your new home. I’m the daughter of evil incarnate. “You don’t have to stay,” I told him. “It’s okay that you keep your distance. I won’t take it personally. I know you’re scared.”

“No. It’s okay,” he said, sounding the exact opposite. He slowly walked over, taking the spot next to me. I kept my eyes on him, but didn’t interrupt him. “Can I ask you some questions?”

“Sure. I can’t promise I’ll have an answer, but I’ll try.”

“I just- I was gonna ask you guys about your medical histories anyways, so that I have a good background for when I need to treat you, but considering you’re not human, I want to get yours first. I need to know what’s different about you, so that if something goes wrong I can treat you properly.”

I smiled down at him. He was terrified, but still was making sure that he could perform his job to the best of his abilities. “You’re very serious about your work. It’s an admirable.”

“Complimenting me won’t make me happy,” he said.

“Uh huh. Sure. Well… First off, you don’t have to worry much about me. I have advanced healing capabilities and regeneration abilities.”

“Really?!” he asked, sounding amazed.

“Yep.”

“That’s amazing. How does it work? Do you know what this could mean for the medical community? How did it originate? Wait! I need a note book and a pen. I need to document this as part of your history.”

I chuckled at the reindeer. He was so cute, and so excitable.

I stood up. “Come on. Let’s head down to the girl’s room. I’ll fill you in. I can’t tell you much about my parents. My mother died, when I was a toddler, and I don’t know much about my father aside from him being a bastard. Cal would be better at this than me.  It’s going to be a lot, if you want to know about injuries though.”

“You’ve had a lot of injuries?” he asked concerned.

“I’ve got advanced healing and regeneration, a tendency to do really dumb stuff and a lot of time. Yeah. I’ve had a lot.”

***

Notes: I don't really like how this turned out. Initially, I wanted to give the sea devil's back story in this too but that was a bit much, especially, because some of them are still struggling with whether or not they even believe what it is that Mira's saying.So just a brief rundown:-Luffy believes her and is excited to have a "not" vampire on the ship.-Zoro's believes her and is pissed, but Luffy's already made a decision, so there isn't anything that he can do about it.-Sanji believes her and is fine with everything.-Usopp's on the fence, and he's scared.-Chopper's believes her and is scared, but has a job to do.-Vivi's confused, but believes that Mira is a good person.-Nami is on the fence, but is more concerned with getting Vivi to Alabasta than anything else, so she'll deal with it later.Also I mentioned that Mira disguises herself as a human and can't use her powers on salt water or when she's in it, and I'll explain that more later, but once again, there are things that I think people are going to be curious about immediately.1.) Oda said that devil fruit users are weak to all water, not just sea water.-She didn't eat a devil fruit. Additionally, this is my fanfic. I'll destroy cannon if I please. If you don't like it, don't read it.2.) Does she get weak in water?-Powerless? Yes. Physically weak? No.3.) Can Mira disguise herself as anything?-Nope. Basically, there's her natural form and then her human one. That's it. She can change the human one's appearance, but not just willy-nilly. It takes time, so she doesn't do it often.Thanks for reading. See yinz next time.

***

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[cienie-isengardu]

Hector Barbossa, Will Turner & Carina Smyth and PotC in general

Yeah, you guessed right, I finally watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge (a.k.a. Dead Men Tell No Tales) and now I feel strong urge to rant about it a bit. Mainly about my favorite pirate Hector Barbossa and relationships between characters in general but also about opportunities I think new movie wasted. Spoilers ahead!

From the original trilogy, Barbossa and Will Turner were my favorite characters. One because of his ruthless yet steadfast nature, the other because of loyalty and willingness to sacrifice for beloved and friends / allies. Jack always was a fun character but from perspective of time, he doesn’t really change much. And Elizabeth I liked in general, but the whole love triangle between her and almost all main cast of male characters was too much for me since I have little to none interest for unrequited romantic drama(s).

Will and Barbossa through the course of story changed in many ways. So before I will rant about them in more analytical way, let me tell you what disappointed me the most in recent movie:

The final scene between Will, Henry, Carina and Elizabeth (well, hello ex-Pirate King it was so nice to see you’re still alive) for the following reasons :

it would be cool to see at least some interaction between Elizabeth and Carina, because this movie really lacked presence of female characters (Carine and Witch/Shansa were like only two that really mattered but they were never seen in the same scene, what a shame, the witchcraft vs science has so potential!) but also Elizabeth was Pirate King that lead alliance of pirate lords to victory over Davy Jones & Beckett’s force and she won Barbossa’s respect, she deserved some attention too. Something more than Sparrow’s few words related to her body / sex.

The whole point of Flying Dutchman was to collect all souls who died at sea and carry them to the afterlife. I can forgive that Will couldn’t show up earlier and aid main team with help against Salazar for whatever reason - though I think it would be much interesting if Will Turner had offered to take the bunch of cursed undead to the other side but was refused because of Salazar’s hate for Sparrow (who once again would fail/suffer due to his own pride). Also, wouldn’t it be fun to see Carina’s face when she learns that Henry’s dad is a actually a captain of Flying Dutchman that just showed from the bottom of ocean in the middle of fight? Priceless.

BUT WHAT REALLY MAKES ME UPSET is no mention of Barbossa. I repeat: Will’s sacred task was to collect souls of people who died at sea, Barbossa drowned to save his daughter. So he should be taken by Flying Dutchman to afterlife. WOULD IT KILL ANYONE IF HENRY ACTUALLY INTRODUCED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO WILL, SO HE COULD SAY SOMETHING ALONG THE LINE THAT HE ALREADY KNOWS WHO CARINA IS BECAUSE BARBOSSA TOLD HIM EVERYTHING DURING THEIR LAST(?) MEETING?? Seriously, I would love to see dead!Hector and Will meeting after so many years.

Also, shouldn’t Will be dead for good after curse was removed? His heart was cut out of the body like 17/18? years ago

One more thing that upset me so badly is lack of recognition - Henry was son of Elizabeth and Will who both played major role in events of previous trilogy. Elizabeth even won Barbossa’s respect in the end while Will was fated to became a new captain of Flying Dutchman and since then it was quite possible that he would meet other characters after their death at sea. Yet, only Sparrow knew about Henry’s parents (and learned about Carina’s connection to Barbossa), while there wasn’t any reason why Barbossa couldn’t be informed about young Turner especially since  a) Henry talked quite openly about saving dad from curse and b) if Henry knew about Sparrow, there wasn’t any reason why he wouldn’t hear about Barbossa and Gibbs, so he could just said his whole name and biological ties (like Will did in the first movie, “My name is Will Turner! My father was Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs in my veins”). That should make anyone think twice about tying up / trying kill a son of captain of fucking Flying Dutchman and (ex-)pirate king.

There is so missed opportunity to acknowledge: former events, fame of Elizabeth and Will, but also a chance to dispute about magic & science and for Henry (and still unknowingly Carina) to hear about his (their) parents, what people they were before.

All things aside, I may never call this movie a true masterpiece yet I enjoyed watching it and frankly Barbossa & Carina plot interested me the most. Maybe because Carine in many ways is similar to Will Turner from the original movie. She doesn’t know her family and her love for father is a bit colored by her own imagination (like that he was a good man while in truth he is one of the most feared pirates). She is very smart but at the same time she is looked down because of her gender - if she was a man, other people would call her a science genius not a witch that should be killed in public execution. So I guess we can agree she hard worked to get so far despite all the hate and rejection by society. Sort of like Will who worked so hard at his swordsmanship and blacksmithing yet all the praise was given to his drunken useless master. And both met their supposedly dead fathers (pirates!) just to lost them so suddenly.

The fact that Barbossa cared so much for Carina’s mother - who could be just a prostitute? - made me thinks that he is one of really few male characters in PotC that had more complex relationship with women in general. Of course, we have the whole “love triangle” involving Elizabeth and Will, Jack and James Norrington (and later Sao Fang??) but then again through the series we saw scenes when Jack was slapped by angry prostitutes or is implied he had one night stand relationships or still chose being pirate over any relationship. Not to mention awful many sexual overtones toward both Elizabeth or Carina.

Will was more respectful towards female characters in general but then again, this is Will we talk.

It seems like Barbossa was in sort of long-term relationship with Margaret Smyth; he was aware about their child (or did he learned that after her death?) and was near the place where Margaret died since he personally gave the baby to an orphanage with note who she was (Carina Smyth) and a book as a sort of farawell gift. We know Barbossa named his daughter after the The Brightest Star in the North - a star that lead to home, so was an important symbol. Ultimate Barbossa chose his own freedom over duties to family, but then again he was already(?) well known pirate so maybe it wasn’t that selfish choice after all. I swear, the moment when he figured out that Carina was his daughter, the way it affected him was amazing moment to watch.

It’s sad that father and daughter didn’t have much time to catch up on. Still, Barbossa - the cruel, ruthless pirate lord - so easily thrown everything away for  barely known daughter. Also, he was one of few male characters in the movie who trusted her knowledge & skills despite her gender nor make a joke at her expense. What frankly reminds me about Elizabeth and the way their relationship changed through the series. In the first movie he could be real jerk towards her (at least two times he said something with sexual?? overtones) but then he didn’t go around talking about her like Sparrow did. The more they worked together, the more Barbossa respected her in the end. I think their duo is similar to Turner & Sparrow team; the same as Will changed while working along Jack, young Swann’s character grew up under Hector’s influences (is it safe to say she became sort of his protege?). Elizabeth at least 2 times in saga was inspirated by Barbossa’s words that she actually used in her monologies to win approval of other pirates:

Barbossa: “[...] the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.”

Elizabeth: “You're pirates. Hang the Code and hang the rules! They're more like guidelines.”

or:

Barbossa: “In another age, at this very spot, the First Brethren Court captured the sea goddess and bound her in her bones. That was a mistake. Oh, we tamed the seas for ourselves, aye. But opened the door to Beckett and his ilk. Better were the days when mastery of seas came not from bargains struck with eldritch creatures, but from the sweat of a mars brow and the strength of his back alone. You all know this to be true.”

Elizabeth: “You're right. Then what shall we die for? You will listen to me. Listen! The Brethren will still be looking here to us, to the Black Pearl, to lead. And what will they see? Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship? No. No, they will see free men and freedom! And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do. By the sweat of our brows, and the strength of our backs... ...and the courage of our hearts. Gentlemen... ...hoist the colors.“

Beside Carina and Elizabeth, Barbossa had also deals with “witches”. Tia Dalma brougt him back from dead so in return he helped to free Calypso from her human form. That sounds rather like strictly business than anything else (though I need to rewatch the trilogy) still one may wonder why she chose Barbossa from all of the people?

Now, the newest movie presented Shansa, a witch that Hector saved from noose and in return she helped to destroy all his enemies / rivals on sea. The witch adviced him to stay on land as it was the only place where Salazar can’t attack / kill him. Barbossa refused, because first of all he is a pirate and he will not let undead captain to take away his treasures. For what she replied if those are really worth dying for it? What made me feel like their relationship isn’t so strictly down to just bussiness and maybe they were fond of each other on their own specific way? Like, maybe it’s just me, but Barbossa seems to have better relationship with younger women than with most men, so maybe it’s all unconsciously linked to his lost daughter? The witch could be around the age of Carina, so maybe it somehow helped. I mean, Barbossa was quite protective and fond of the monkey Jack, so maybe the pet and later, the witch filled the void in Hector’s heart as the replacement for the lost family? Yeah, that probably more headcanon than a real matters, but still, Barbossa was really touched (and proud) when it comes to just-met Carina, so maybe it is not that far stretched after all.

As much as the movie was fun to watch, I would love to see more interaction between Carina and Barbossa or dead!Barbossa and the captain of Flying Dutchman (and seriously, Will shouldn’t be cured). That said, the idea of the next generation of Barbossa and Turner became one merry family while Jack can just watch the “happy end” from afar makes me smile everytime when I think about the irony(?).