#YOUR BRAIDS LIKE A PATTERN LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND TO SATURN PASSED DOWN LIKE FOLK SONGS THE LOVE LASTS SO LONG | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nouvxllev · 9 months

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the girl across your street || p5 (FINAL)

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader

Summary: You spent half of your life waiting for the right person to just step into your life and take over your heart by storm, someone who would think of you when they see a shooting star, someone who'd paint canvases of your face so the world would know who considered you greater than the Mona Lisa, someone who cherished you oh so dearly. Now, you can happily say with all your heart, you found her.

Words: 4.4k

Warnings: restating my statement on the previous chapter, this is the longest chapter of all lol

a/n: got a lovely suggestion from @ajortga (check out their stories btw, theyre amazing!) and an anon request for this part! i appreciate them and i wrote it to the best of my abilities.

part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || masterlist.

'...I still got love for you

Your braids like a pattern

Love you to the moon and to Saturn

Passed down like folk songs

The love lasts so long...'

"There's my favorite actress of all time, Jenna goddamn Ortega!"

You shouted with your arms out, ready for a hug, while running over to Jenna in the freezing cold. She was clad in a puffy hoodie and comfortable jogging pants, and she had her beanie on, wrapped around her head along with her own pair of headphones, preparing for the impact of your body-crushing hug.

"Y/n, y/n! No, slow down!" she screamed before toppling down to the snowy ground along with you, your arms wrapped around hers as you laughed together in harmony.

She sat up, your body going in rhythm with hers, "You really love that line, don't you?" She chuckled before cupping your cheeks with her hands. She muttered a quiet sorry, noticing how you flinched at the cold touch.

"Hey, you've finally accomplished your goal. You deserve it, Jenna." You loved saying her name, no amount of terms of endearment could ever beat the love and devotion you had for it.

Jenna looked at you, a smile covering her face as her dimples took over and her freckles became more visible to you, a sense of hopeless romance reflected in both of your eyes before pulling you in with her hands and planting her lips against yours.

It hasn't been one day since you last kissed her and oh how you missed the taste of her lips on yours. It's like your problems melted away by her scent and the taste of her lipbalm.

Before you knew it, you and Jenna had become the IT couple of the year. It even surprised you how the world knew the both of you were dating in the first place considering how Jenna never really posts on social media about her personal life and neither do you. But with how paparazzis work and how Jennas fans work harder than the devil, you can see now why your relationship with Jenna got blasted online.

Now, the two of you were the global love team, featured in commercials, advertisements for certain brands, and even you trying a hand at acting. You occasionally made appearances as Jenna's love interest in a show, though your role was more of a background character, the audience always loved seeing you together with Jenna.

In each film you directed, Jenna was sure to be in it, and she always became the character you couldn't bear to kill off even with a gun to your head.

Jenna always assured you that it was perfectly fine if her character was killed off since she's an amazing actress who pulls all her stunts so flawlessly, but watching her act getting shot in the head, stabbed, or possibly tortured in the horror movies you were set to direct? Just right in front of you? Hell, you'd rather do that to yourself with no pay.

But of course, like Jenna always ranted to you about, the entertainment industry was ass. Jenna warned you after you guys made it official that you'll be under the spotlight for a couple months, or even years. You couldn't go outside for even a minute without seeing a paparazzi literally in the bushes with a huge goddamn camera as if you can't see them. But if that was the price to pay just for Jenna to be beside you at all times, you'd deal with it even if you'll have paparazzi surrounding your coffin soon.

"Y/n?" she said, waving her hands in front of you, as if the only thing keeping you grounded was your tight grip on her waist. "I have something to tell you."

"Yeah? Yeah, sorry, what is it?"

"I'm moving in with you."

"What?"

Damn, you were certainly not ready for that.

"If— If that's okay, of course—"

"It's always okay, it's more than okay, Jenna!" You took her hands into yours, shaking them with excitement. "When are you moving? Actually, why are you moving?"

"It's been months into our relationship, y/n. I don't like how you always drive to my apartment every day just to see me." She stood up, lifting you by your grip, "also, I'm moving next week. I still have a schedule to clean up on."

You stood up alongside her, walking backward while facing Jenna as she walked beside you. "But driving to your apartment is my favorite part of the day, Jenna."

She sighed, "Okay, you choose, driving miles to my apartment or waking up beside me?"

"Definitely the latter." You picked, way too instantly, pointing a finger at her and clicking your tongue while she laughs.

"See? It'll be fun. For the both of us." She ran beside you then took your hand, pushing her body to be against yours as you smiled under your breath. Oh, how you loved being in her presence.

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The two of you approached the front door, kicking off your shoes while Jenna placed hers gently near the entrance. You turned on the lights as you headed for the kitchen, calling out, "You want something to drink, Jenna?" while noticing Jenna was still at the doorway.

She immediately turned the corner upon hearing your voice. A small smile played on her lips as she looked over at you, one of your hands on your hips as you scanned the refrigerator for ingredients. "I'm good. Thanks, y/n."

"Make yourself at home, Jenna. Since you are moving in," you said, glancing over your shoulder. You noticed Jenna looking around your house, finding the interior and atmosphere both familiar and yet vaguely new.

"You got it fixed?" she called out after noticing the DSLR camera you always loved and adored on top of the coffee table. You had it fixed for the holidays and for Jenna, of course, considering how both of you always enjoyed making videos with it in the past. You figured it was time to revive those memories.

"Yup! I had to. Its got my treasured moments in it." You approached her. After scanning your near-empty refrigerator, you took the DSLR camera in your hands and handed it to her. "I wanted to do a Christmas special on it, this time, with you on here."

"Christmas special?" She looked up at you, smiles and all. You remained the same for her—the one who always loved making videos, even if you were too scared to post them online or just didn't have a reason to. Nonetheless, you gave your best in those videos, and it truly brought out your happiest side.

"Didn't even know that was possible. I mean, no offense, but this looked like it got run over by a bullet train." She fiddled with your camera, turning it on and scrolling through the photos and videos. She was surprised to find old videos she hadn't seen the last time she turned it on.

You chuckled at Jenna's comment. "Okay, I'll admit it was pretty busted, but I found a technician who worked wonders on it. And about the Christmas special, well, it's going to be the first video I filmed in a long while."

"Long while? You haven't filmed something in this?" She looked at you, concern filling her eyes. She always knew you were the one in the friendgroup always recording a moment, even in the past she had heard, so why stop?

You sat down with her, "Ever since you left, I haven't been able to record. Even if I did, I'd just delete it anyway. Nothing is ever perfect without you, Jenna. I didn't realize how much it meant to me until I couldn't bring myself to do it without you." Your voice dwindled down into a whisper as you took her free hand that was beside yours, gently grazing your thumb on her palm. The vulnerability in your voice was something Jenna liked about you, how you spoke your mind whenever you were with her.

"I never knew," Jenna admitted, her fingers gently intertwining with yours. "I'm sorry, y/n."

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips before you checked your phone for the time. "Okay, sappy moment over!" You immediately stood up, putting your phone in your pocket, "I have to go and buy some groceries. Wanna to come, Jenna?"

"I'll stay if it's alright." She assured you, chuckling at how fast you got over the moment so quickly.

"More than alright. I won't be long anyway." You headed for the doorway, putting on your boots and coat, your hand already on the doorknob until you heard Jenna call out your name.

"Y/n! You forgot something!" She called out, approaching you with headphones in hand.

You looked over at her, already smiling at the fact that she was more than an inch smaller when you put on your boots. "Oh, right," you said before cupping her cheeks and giving her a quick peck on the lips, completely ignoring the fact that she was already handing you your headphones.

You gave a little wave and a quick goodbye before going out and closing the door behind you.

"Your headphones—!" Jenna called out before you were already running across the street with your hands in your pockets. Honestly, she was more surprised with your ability to forget everything in your vicinity rather than how you walked so fast.

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Your voice from the camera echoed throughout your bedroom, the room where the both of you had confessed your love for each other. Jenna laid comfortably on your bed, the window opened as cold air flowed into the room, and your camera held up high by her hands. She was watching an old video you had filmed before, you and Jenna in her old home, filming a cooking video, she’d think you’d call it.

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"Weeelcome to—hey Jenna, what should we name our cooking show?" You picked the camera up from the camera as it started recording. You went over to Jenna who was already prepping the ingredients needed, even she was in get-up, an apron and all. You contemplated if you could quickly go to the store and buy a chefs hat for her.

Jenna glanced up from her task, her eyes going to the camera before going to you. "Maybe just our names together? Jenna and Y/n."

You lowered the camera a slight bit, the perspective looking a little wonky, "But Jenna, that's so boring! We need more pizzaz." You looked at Jenna who was screaming towards the kitchen and the cupboards to check where her knife went.

"Then have you got something in mind?" She sharply asked, turning her heel around, "Have you, somehow, seen my knife? I swear it was just around the sink."

"Yeah, okay, great point, I have nothing as well." You placed down the camera on the counter, using a jar of whatever behind to keep it from falling down. "Here," you said with a cheeky smile as you presented the knife as if you were kneeling before a queen, and Jenna could only give you an unimpressed look.

You helped Jenna for a hot minute before turning to the camera once again, your full body being shown and a certain someone who was outside of view "Today, we're baking cookies—Jenna, c'mere." You held your hand to Jenna who wasn't in frame.

Jenna, still holding an unimpressed expression, walked over to where you were standing, joining you as you both appeared side by side in the frame. You appeared comically taller in the camera than Jenna, making you laugh just slightly before the shorter one punched you in the gut.

"Alright, anyway, let's bake some cookies!" You clasped your hands together, and Jenna could only look at you with eyes that conveyed love and adoration, wondering how you never noticed it.

Jenna picked up the camera and whispered, a little bit too loudly into the camera, "Side note, we have little to no experience at all at baking," she said, "We have absolutely no idea what we're doing!" You screamed from the background, already mixing in the ingredients, making her laugh before yelling that you made the wrong step.

"We're winging it, Jenna! God, who knew we could be such good bakers?" You exclaimed while mixing everything up, your hand was getting tired by how you whisked everything at such random paces, but Jenna didn't mind.

Everything was going smoothly, and perfectly Jenna could say so herself before her face scrunched up in confusion when you accidentally added salt instead of sugar.

Jenna's eyes widened, her warnings to stop you were a bit too late as you had already added half of the cup into the mixture. "Wait, oh fuck, y/n, y/n! That's a whole cup of salt!" She exclaimed, throwing her body against you as she tried to grab your arm that was pouring the sugar, but it was already too late.

You paused mid-mix, staring at Jenna, then at the bowl with a horrid expression. "Shoot!" You immediately, in instincts you'd defend until your dying days, dove your hand right into the mixture, as if your hand could magically pull out the tiniest ass bits of salt grains.

Jenna with all her might, restrained herself from bursting into laughter, "Okay, that's just so wrong, you can't just—!"

"Alright, alright!" You pulled your hands from the mixture, putting them up in the air in surrender as the gooey texture of incorporated eggs, flour, milk, and whatever was in there went down from your sleeves.

"Let's just make another batch." You turned to her, "let's just make another batch," you repeated.

"Y/n, we went through 3 batches already."

A moment of silence you both had as both of you looked at the batter you two worked hard on. Before a playful fight completely outraged from the both of you when you started to hand paint Jenna's face from the batter, creating silly drawings on her face as she ran away from you armed with a spatula to fend you off.

In the end, the both of you completed your task of baking cookies while using the same batch, and, well, they turned out... nice. On the camera, they looked really nice, and they kinda even smelled good from afar.

"Annnd, it's done!" You exclaimed, and Jenna tilted the pan slightly to give the camera a preview of the cookies.

After a bit of banter from the both of you, a minute passed by, and you two were holding cookies.

"They look... edible enough to eat anyway," Jenna said, inspecting them before looking towards you with your own cookie. "Cheers?"

"Cheers!" you echoed, holding up your cookie to Jenna's in a mock toast. The camera captured the moment as both of you took a bite simultaneously. And how your faces contorted into disgust.

"Y/n, just take it out, even I can't swallow this."

"Okay, good choice, oh god—!"

The last thing the camera recorded before it fell was you and Jenna quickly spitting out the bites into a nearby trash can and rushing over to the sink, pushing each other as you tried to turn the faucet on and rinse off the disgusting taste you both had in your mouth.

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Jenna laughed heartily as she scrolled through the numerous videos you both had filmed over the past months with the camera in her hand. She couldn't believe that your entire bond had been created over this camera—how you wanted to become a director and how she wanted to become an actress. It was surprising how well the both of you fit with each other, down to your interests.

She kept watching the videos you had filmed for the both of you. Jenna even went out of her way to roam around your room, looking for memory cards to see what other videos you both had done. That was until she opened a certain drawer in your table lamp, tucked away all the way to the end. She couldn't have spotted it if she hadn't opened it all the way.

Handwritten notes, letters, wilted flowers, keychains, an abundance of printed polaroid photos, and photos in general that you had kept, intending to give them to Jenna. These mementos had been tucked away in this drawer for months on end.

She didn't want to pry, but a part of her was drawn to the crumpled letter that stood out among the rest. When she opened it, it had pen scribbles and stains from what she assumed were tears.

The letter read,

To my Jenna To my dearest To Jenna

To the girl across my street, (9/27/2020)

You shouldn’t be the one I should be writing a love letter to at 1 in the morning, even if I know in my bones I’ll be writing letters for you until I rest for eternity. You shouldn’t be the one that keeps me up at night wondering if you’ll ever come back until now. You shouldn’t be the one that I subject my undying love to, the love that I kept reserved all these years, and yet you arrive and suddenly, all of it is yours. You shouldn’t be the one for me at all. But you are, and I hate that you’re everything I want in my life. I shouldn’t be mad at you Jenna. In fact, I love you. I love you so much, it hurts as I write this. I love you so much, I can’t look at myself anymore wondering what I would’ve done to keep you moving away from my life. Ever since I saw you, I felt like nothing in my life mattered more than being with you, even if I knew that was impossible. Well, until you suddenly picked me up after a horrible fall. I knew from everyone in my town that you were the most private person, you never opened up to them even if they always kept coming to your doorstep with leftovers from their family dinner. You told me that it was a bit overwhelming, seeing your fridge pile up everyday with everybody’s leftovers, you even got a lollipop from a kid. From our conversations, it was those random moments you told me from your life that I cherished the most, even if it was just something you remembered out of the blue. I fell mad in love with you, head over heels. No one would know falling in love with a great force other than me with you. I realized that when you invited me to your family's house for Christmas after you found out about the relationship I had with my parents, since then, I knew the love I had for you was soon going to drown me until my heart was filled with your name.

The way your family welcomed me with open arms as if I was someone, finally someone a part of something, I couldn’t bear to walk away anymore. The way you had introduced me to your siblings and cousins with a smile that I could only mistake for as a star, the way you had made me a part of your family, the way you made your family love me the way they loved you. I hate it, Jenna. I hate how your eyes brought revelry upon those who are grieving, how your touch brought forth the saints buried in the hearts of sinners, how your laugh would make every great poet struggle to illustrate the sound of your voice, how your soul brings every angel and saint to shame. I hate how you made me so happy, how you made the happiest side of me shine. I hate how I hate none of these things at all. I love everything about you, I can’t just pretend like I don’t. I love you, Jenna. I love you with all of my heart, each bone in my body yearns for yours, your very being became the muse of every thought, my soul is eternally yours forever, why did I let it be that way? And why until now, It’s still yours to keep? To rip apart? Yours to silently remind you that there’s someone out there who had their heart programmed to beat for you, and for only you. The day you left, I only realized how you were so important to me. It’s maddening how that was the first thought came to mind, how I fell so in love with your soul I completely forgot how you left me in pieces. How you didn’t text me, how you didn’t call me, how you didn’t even do the bare minimum as knocking on my door or maybe leaving a note to say you were leaving entirely. It’s been exactly a year since you left, and I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since. A part of you still stayed with me, or maybe I just looked for you everywhere, hoping one day you’d appear beside me like nothing ever happened and grace me once again with that smile of yours that would last me a lifetime. Everything reminds me of you, Jenna. Every place, every home, every street, every film, every note that I hear from a song you’d used to sing to me with your stupid guitar you always wanted to master but never got the chance to. I’m in love with you, Jenna. I’m so in love with you to the point I can’t say it to your face. I’m yours forever more, and I hate that I am.

From, y/n. Happy Birthday, Jenna.

I wished I confessed to you more earlier.

"Jenna! Jenna!" A voice she loved, loved now more than anything, quickly pulled her out of her thoughts, banging against her own door. She pulled herself up from your bed, running towards the door in a hurry while holding the letter in her hands.

Jenna unlocked the door to see you. The love of her life, someone who wrote thousands of letters for her every day since she left, someone who had the stupidest idea to spend every inch of her savings to go buy her the headphones she always wished to own, someone who was now standing in the freezing cold.

"Jenna— Oh, Jenna, I forgot my headphones, and—and it was freezing like shit. God, I never knew there was a snowstorm coming in. I'm sorry I took so long I—"

You were cut off mid-sentence by her, who pulled you by your collar into a passionate kiss. The warmth of your house, the warmth of Jenna's body against yours, the warmth of her lips that brought every inch of your body to heaven was everything you needed to calm down. If only you had paused for a minute to take a glance at Jenna when you were rambling, you could only see her eyes in a lovesick gaze for you, you could see how much she loved you, you could see how she was everything you perceived her to be.

"Y/n," Jenna whispered, her voice a soft melody that resonated in the quiet room as you wrapped your arms around her waist.

You smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Jenna's ear. "What… What was that for?"

"I love you," she whispered under her breath. "I love you," she added, one more time, as if you were going to disappear if she didn't.

"I love you too, Jenna. What's going on?"

"I just—I just love you so much, y/n. I always said I love you, but never added so much or expressed how much I loved you." Jenna was always straightforward when it came to talking. It was her nature, her style of sentence, how she spoke aloud, the quiet confidence she had whenever she spoke to someone; it was one of the characteristics she had that made you fall in love with her. But now, she couldn't express herself in the way she wanted to. She did, but it only fell short. The amount of love she had for you was something she could never express properly, even with a dictionary in her hands, it couldn't be possible.

It only took you a minute before figuring what had happened.

"You... you read the letter?"

"Yes—Yes, I read the letter, y/n. All of it."

"Well, what'd you think?" You almost thought that you had discarded the letters you wrote for her, but you kept the most important one of all.

She pulled you into a soul-crushing hug, "I love you. I'm sorry, I just love, love, love, you, y/n. I'm sorry if I'm not enough for you."

"Jenna," you whispered, gently pulling back to look into her eyes, "You don't know how much you're more than enough for me. You don't know how much your smile just means everything to me, good or bad, and your love is everything I've ever wanted. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Jenna's gaze softened, and a relieved smile played on her lips. "I'm just afraid that my love might fall short, you know? That I couldn't express it the way you do."

You cupped her face, your thumb gently grazing her skin, admiring her freckles. "Your love is perfect, Jenna, it's yours. I don't need grand gestures or expressions to make me feel happy. I just need you—your love, your presence, and everything that makes you who you are. Just, please, don't change that just for me—or for anyone."

The both of you kissed, the middle of the night while the orange light coming off from the kitchen flickered. A kiss, you knew, lasted only for a second. Or maybe even a few seconds, but this kiss lingered like a memory that lasted forever, a picture that was photographed and kept in a sealed case, stars that die but explode into a gorgeous nebula, a kiss that's worth for a thousand lifetimes.

Afterward, both of you watched the videos that you had filmed whenever and wherever. Jenna noted your habit of bringing the DSLR everywhere, capturing snippets of your private life where she wasn't in the frame. However, you quickly threw the camera against the headboard when she came across the holy grail of you trying out some skateboard tricks, where you horribly fell and got various scars on your leg.

In that moment, both of you probably knew you were going to stay with each other no matter what happened, or what challenges you faced. The way you both kissed then, in the doorway, was the most romantic kiss you had shared in your entire life. Probably not the most ideal of spots to decide to marry someone, but then again, who was the insane one who dated the girl across her street?

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Invisible string.

That was the saying for those who believe there's a string of fate binding people who were destined to be together, or for anyone who was in love for that matter. It's a sweet thing, you can say, considering how you're one of the people who truly believed in it. You spent half of your life waiting for the right person to just step into your life and take over your heart by storm, someone who would think of you when they see a shooting star, someone who'd paint canvases of your face so the world would know who considered you greater than the Mona Lisa, someone who cherished you oh so dearly. Now, you can happily say with all your heart, you found her.

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a/n: aaahhh this series has come to a close, thank you for all the love and support! now i can finally do another series with JO's characters or maybe just oneshots. (i have a fuck ton of drafts.)

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega #jenna marie ortega

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mazzymoonlight · 2 years

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Are There Still Beautiful Things?

summary: inspired by taylor’s “seven”, follow JJ and reader through snapshots of their lives together.

warnings: mentions of the death of a parent, mentions of excessive drinking, mentions of abuse

word count: 9.9k

a/n: hellooo & welcome to my first fic :) some of this had been previously posted in parts, but after evaluation i realized this needed to be heavily edited & worked better in this format. this fic has a special place in my heart, so i hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing it. (p.s, happy obx 3 eve!)

SEVEN

please, picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven feet, in the swing over the creek, i was too scared to jump in but i, i was high in the sky with pennsylvania under me … are there still beautiful things?

JJ Maybank thinks the last time he was truly, truly happy was when he was seven. At such a young age, anything seemed possible. The sky was the limit and the ocean was their backyard. He had his mother and his father, and even though it leaked sometimes, a roof over his head.

And he had his friends, his favorite people in the world. John B, who he had been sat next to on the first day of second grade and was now inseparable from, and y/n, the girl whose mother was his mother’s best friend, who he had known his whole life.

It was always the three of them, getting into trouble together and spending nearly every moment with each other. You rarely saw one of them without at least one other, and even at such a young age, it was clear they had a bond some people spent a lifetime searching for. They were lucky, and people liked to tell them that.

In their younger days, one of the moms (or more often, both of them together) would often take the trio around. Watching at the beach while they learned to surf, the parks while they played until red in the face, treating them to dinners at the local establishments, or ice cream on those extra hot and intolerable days.

But their favorite was camping in the backyard. They would set up a tent and a bonfire, and roast s’mores and stare at the stars.

JJ’s mom had a particular affinity for the mystery that hung above them and would spend hours teaching the kids everything she knew. She loved the moon, she would tell them everything she knew. She liked to talk about the phases and what they meant, what kind of full moons they were in store for soon.

But Saturn was her favorite, she would talk about any chance she could.

Did you know it’s actually a big ball of gas? That it would float in water?

The ring is made up of ice and dirt and bits.

It’s windy up there.

It takes twenty-nine earth years to revolve around the sun.

Time must move slowly up there.

And they let her talk too. And they listened to every word. They listened to the tales and myths and theories of space until they couldn’t fight the sleep back, and their eyes of wonder became sleepy, slowly blinking at the woman in front of them.

“Goodnight,” She’d say to the three of them, and then she would lean in close to JJ, and leave a kiss on his little forehead.

“I love you to the moon and to Saturn.” he would fall into sleep with a smile on his face.

Nights like that were always beautiful. Memories like that were beautiful.

JJ couldn’t help but wonder; without them, was there any beauty at all left in the world?

FOURTEEN

sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won’t tell no other, and though i can’t recall your face, i still got love for you your braids like a pattern love you to the moon and to saturn, passed down like folk songs … the love last so long.

The summer they were fourteen, JJ’s life changed. His mother passed, and he was never the same after it. It seemed like the entirety of the outer banks was aware of the light that had been lost.

y/n and her parents were right alongside Luke and JJ. None of them knew what was in store without her. Filled with anger, sadness, regret, and guilt, they all knew that she had so much more to give. Life was not kind, life was not fair, and although they all knew it, they never thought that they would get a reminder quite like this.

JJ stood in between his two best friends, y/n’s hand in his, she was struggling too, but she was holding back. She knew she had to be strong for JJ, she had lost someone special, but he lost his mother, and that was something that he would never get back, something that could never be replaced.

That night y/n stays with JJ, and they end up outside the same way they used to, but without a bonfire tonight. Tonight they stare in silence at the night sky, both thinking about all the things JJ’s mom had told them about the stars and planets above.

“I keep thinking she’s on Saturn,” y/n says, suddenly, the thought slipping out before she can think about stopping herself.

“What?”

“I keep thinking about Saturn, how much she loved it.” She clarifies, “And I keep thinking how happy she must be to finally see it.”

There’s more she wants to say, but figures it’s nothing that JJ hasn’t already heard. What can she say, really? When she catches his smile, the first she’s seen in weeks, she leaves it at that. She’s said all she needs to.

“Yea,” he said, wiping a stray tear. “I bet she is. I like that thought.”

And he meant it. The thought of his mom, an angel on her favorite planet, he didn’t think there was any other explanation.

FIFTEEN

JJ’s fifteenth birthday creeps up, and y/n had worked extra to get him a special present. She had seen it in one of the windows of the fancy boutiques on figure eight and immediately ran in to look at it, begging the store owner to hold it for her after seeing the price on the tag. It had to be JJ’s, she knew it the moment she saw it.

So two weeks later she returned with money collected from babysitting and delivering groceries, the proudest smile on her face. Bringing it home and exchanging the chain for a longer silver one before wrapping it up neatly.

Everyone gathers at the Maybank home on the day of. John B and his father, y/n and her parents, and Pope and Kiara, who the trio had recently befriended.

Luke had even put in a little effort, putting up some simple birthday decorations he had bought from the dollar tree. It wasn’t very much, but all JJ cared about was that everyone he loved was there with him. JJ was happy, but there was a lurking sadness in the back of his head. This was his first birthday without his mom. There was an empty space that would never be filled, no matter how hard he tried. And he was trying very hard.

Despite the weight of loss, it was one of the best days JJ’s had in a long time. Luke had set up a slip-n-slide for the kids, really just a tarp with some water and some dish soap but the kids didn’t care. He grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and even stocked up on more sodas than they needed. y/n had made a cake and John B helped her decorate it. It was sloppy, but it was theirs, for JJ.

y/n had waited until later to give JJ his present. She found him still sitting at the outside table with his hand on his chin, looking up into space like he always did.

“There you are.” She says, siding into the seat next to him. She follows his gaze up toward the night sky.

“Looking for Saturn?” she asks.

“Always am.” He answers sadly despite the small smile on his lips.

She doesn’t say anything, only matches his sad smile with one of her own, and holds out the box shyly.

“Happy birthday Jay.”

He takes it gently, looking at her with a look neither of them can register yet. He leans into her a bit, nudging her softly before tearing at the paper.

When he opens the box his smile drops, and suddenly it feels like he can’t breathe, he feels caught off guard as his emotions blindside him. He had no clue what to expect but this certainly wasn’t it.

y/n sees his reaction and it feels like a gut punch. Why had she gotten him that?

She felt so certain it belonged with JJ but seeing him look so upset now she just felt stupid.

“JJ, I’m sorry, I can bring it back, I just thought … if you don’t like it I’ll take it back.” She tries to explain herself and reaches for the box, but he jerks away from her when she tries to take it back.

She freezes, confused now. He doesn’t catch her reaction, still looking at the necklace in his hands.

“I think I’m forgetting her.” He finally says, voice barely above a whisper, like he was scared to say it. Like this was the first time he was admitting it to himself.

“I’m scared y/n, it’s only been a year, and every day I’m scared I’ve lost another piece of her, what if I’m forgetting her?” And then he’s crying before he can stop himself, sobbing almost.

He clutches the box to his chest like he’s scared to let it go, like letting it go would be the end of the world for the second time.

y/n pulls him in, a few tears of her own falling, thinking of all the things she would do and the things she would trade to take away his pain.

“JJ… you’re not going to forget her, okay, I promise you. All you’re doing is healing, trying to learn to live a normal life without your mom, something that no child should ever have to do. You have so many memories of her, you have so many stories and pictures. You're a piece of her. When you’re older you’ll pass the stories on, and people who never got to know her will know her. And when you're older, older, you’ll tell your kids about their grandmother, the woman who was as strong as a hurricane and soft as a butterfly all in one. You won’t forget her JJ, you can’t when you’re part of her.”

She talks him down, and once he subsides he sees the truth in her words, he trusts her so he trusts what she’s saying wholeheartedly.

“You promise me, y/n?”

She holds him tighter

“Cross my heart JJ.”

“Okay,” He says, sitting up from her.

“Okay?” she questions, wiping the last few tears from his face “because you don’t have to be.”

“I know, but I will be.”

She smiles at that, she knew he would be, even if he didn’t fully believe it, he was the strongest person she knew.

She nods towards the necklace “so you like it then?”

He nods. “I think this is the best present I’ll ever get.” And finally pulls the chain out of the box, staring at the clip confused as he tries to figure it out himself.

y/n laughs, making a motion for him to come closer.

“Here, I’ll do it for you.”

She undoes the clasp and wraps it around his neck, closing it again before adjusting, the charm settling just above his heart.

Her fingers linger on the charm, smiling at the memory, the meaning of it.

“Now you have your own Saturn, always with you.”

His hand closes on hers.

You are my Saturn y/n, he thinks.

But instead, he wraps her in a hug, “wanna camp out tonight? I’ll get John B to come back, the three of us like old times.”

She nods in his arms.

“Always.”

That night the three of them all felt like things had gone back to normal, even just for the night both John B and y/n were glad that JJ could feel some type of relief, even if it was fleeting. They knew in the morning things would go back to the way they were, and JJ would struggle a little bit more than the average person, but if they could just give him a couple of hours, it was worth it.

And finally, when they’ve retired to bed and settled in their sleeping bags, JJ and y/n had the same thought running through their minds as they fell asleep.

I love you to the moon and to Saturn.

And JJ swears he felt something press against his forehead that night, exactly like old times.

SIXTEEN

and i’ve been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why, and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates … then you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet and just like a folk song, our love will be passed on

The summer they were sixteen was one they had been dreaming about what felt like their whole lives. Finally old enough to roam freely, exploring all the nooks and crannies unsupervised. The trio had now officially graduated to a group of five, and now they took on the world with Pope and Kiara by their sides.

It should have been a dream. Granted, most of the time it was, but there were nightmares constantly lurking in the corner. JJ didn’t want to admit it, but he was pretty sure he had finally lost his father.

Luke Maybank was never the same after his wife died, but for a while, he at least attempted for JJ. He tried, he really did, to be there, and be something for JJ. But he was losing himself, and in the past year, he was slipping further and further away, turning into someone that even y/n’s parents, who had known him for so long, didn’t recognize.

The drinking was getting out of control, and the hitting started not too long after. When he was sober, he was sorry, but eventually, it became a rare occasion to find Luke Maybank sober

So JJ’s normal became sneaking around his own house, avoiding the last of his family, seeing how many family dinners at y/n’s he could get invited to each week, and saving everything he could from his oddball jobs to get out as soon as possible.

He didn’t like to talk about it, in fact, he never did. He let the pogues think whatever they wanted to and never gave them a real answer when they asked. As far as he was concerned, they didn’t need to be concerned about him, he’d be leaving soon anyways.

But y/n knew. She watched like she always did, she was observant. She watched his eyes get that faraway look whenever he rattled off his latest excuse and the way his smile would fall when he thought no one was looking. She watched him and knew he was hurting more than he would let on.

She had gone to his house to find him but only found Luke instead, and what she saw scared her. She did not recognize the stumbling drunk man looking back at her. And he didn’t recognize her either. The girl he had watched grow up next to JJ, the girl he had roasted countless marshmallows for when she was scared of getting too close to the fire. The girl he made pancakes for in the mornings and the girl he lit fireworks for on the fourth of July. None of the memories registered, he had run her off his property like a stranger had just trespassed.

It was when y/n knew that for the second time, JJ’s life had changed. The knowledge tormented her for weeks. She hated the small piece of her that still felt sympathy for Luke, he was a broken man with plenty of reason to be. She was holding out hope, that something good would happen to JJ.

But when JJ showed up with a black eye one afternoon, blaming it on a group of kooks, she knew she had to say something. She spilled half-truths to her parents, although she suspected they picked up on the unspoken story from the tears in her eyes.

“I’m just - I’m worried about him. I just have this feeling that things have been, I don’t know … harder than normal lately.”

Her parents had sensed the shift too, all her confession had done was confirm the suspicion. Her mother told her then that JJ was always welcome in the home, and her father told her he would try to talk to Luke the next day.

And that worked for a little bit, JJ had visibly perked up and for a minute things seemed like they were back to normal, and y/n was waiting for the right to tell him what she knew but it seemed Luke had beat her to it.

She had been waiting for him at the beach, but her smile immediately turned to worry when she saw him storming up toward her.

“What the fuck y/n?” was the first thing out of his mouth, and now instead of worried she was panicked realizing his anger was directed towards her.

“JJ, what-” But before she can get anything else out he’s talking again.

“What did you do? What did your dad do? What’s with all these cryptic messages of watching us and threatening to take me away? I mean what the fuck, what does that even mean? Take me away? Away from what, my home? My father, my only family I have left? How could you do this to me?”

Her face pales immediately, her head shaking.

“JJ, that is not what happened, that’s not what he meant -”

“So then it’s true, he did come by?”

“Yes but he didn’t threaten your dad JJ, he -”

“You know what y/n, I don’t care. I just came to tell you to stay out of it. I don’t know what you think you know, but my dad and I are fine. We don’t all have a picture-perfect family to go home to at the end of the day.”

His words stung, leaving her nearly speechless. “That’s- that’s not fair JJ. You are family.” She chokes out, but he was already walking away.

“What if it was me?” She calls out, frustrated.

He stops, and she keeps going. “If I were you, and my dad was putting his hands on me. If I started showing up with marks and bruises, wouldn’t you do anything to protect me?”

“I don’t need you to protect me y/n.” And that’s the last thing he says to her before walking away.

JJ’s not around for the next couple of weeks, and it drives y/n up the wall not knowing where he was, or what he was up to.

She spends time with the pogues, but she’s never fully there at any time, part of her mind was constantly on JJ. She finally broke one day and told the pogues to please go find JJ and make him go out on the boat with them. They tried to argue with her but she told them that she was pretty sure that if he didn’t blow off some steam soon, he was going to start getting into trouble, and it wouldn’t be good for him.

She gave them space for a few days, and just assumed that they had picked up JJ and got him out of the house for a bit, so she nearly lost it when the pogues finally confessed that they hadn’t seen or heard from JJ since they had been tasked to go find him.

“Are you sure he’s not at the house?” she asked “Sometimes he just won’t come out, or if you ran into Luke then -”

“He wasn’t there, and we didn’t see Luke either. We checked inside.” Pope answers.

She could feel herself panicking.

“Why did you say something sooner?” She stressed, looking mostly at John B.

He looks down, away from her gaze. “You know how he is y/n… and you were already worried enough. We thought he’d turn up soon, he always does.”

She shakes her head, “maybe, but haven’t you noticed that when he does there’s always a new bruise?”

The three of them exchange looks while she closes her eyes, taking a breath and trying to think for a moment.

“Okay, why don’t you guys go check some of our beach spots maybe? There are a few places I can look and just keep me updated if you find him and I’ll let you guys know too.”

They part ways and y/n knows she’s going back to check the house first. Even if he had left, he was never gone from the house long, there was too much to leave behind.

She parks a little way down from the house, she hadn’t been back since the day Luke had yelled at her and if she was being honest she was still a bit scared. She crept up to the house carefully, freezing she hears shouting, the noise becoming clear once the door swings open.

“Boy, I tell ya, that’s just about the funniest thing I think I’ve heard you say.” y/n hears him laughing maniacally.

“You’re not going anywhere, you won’t leave her, you know you won’t. You’re stuck here, just like me.”

Luke stumbles off towards a trail and y/n waits until he’s out of sight before dashing into the house, finding it still and quiet. She wonders for a moment if Luke had been talking to himself the whole time, not finding it entirely impossible considering how drunk he seemed.

And then y/n is suddenly realizing that the last time she had been in this house was JJ’s fifthteenth birthday, and she was suddenly very aware of how empty it felt. It had lost the warmness and comfort it once held, feeling more like a ghost town than a home now. She felt out of place, which was something she never, ever thought she would feel in the Maybank home.

She notices a slightly open closet door at the end of the hallway, and she swore she could hear sniffling, muffled cries like someone tucked away and hiding in there.

“JJ?” she called out, and when it suddenly went silent again, she knew, rushing over to the door and opening it delicately.

And there JJ was, curled up in himself, knees up to his chest and a photograph in his hand. She knew exactly what photo he was looking at, and she immediately dropped next to him. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t want to scare him, but looking at him broke her heart.

So instead she starts talking.

“I remember that day.” She says. “That was one of the fourth of July parties, we were all there, even John B and his dad. And this was the year the full moon lined up with the holiday, and your mom was so excited, she talked about it all day and got us excited too. Our dads bought way too many fireworks like they always did. And we ended the night with s’mores, of course, because it wouldn’t be one of our nights without them. You always were so messy. There she is again, cleaning you up.”

JJ falls into her then, and y/n catches him like she always does, and always will. She has tears too, staring at the picture of an innocent JJ, a smile plastered on his face, stacked s’more in hand, staring up at his mom who he loved so much, with no idea he was going to lose her in the next few years. And there was his mom too, beautiful as always, her own s'more in one hand and the other attempting to wipe the sticky marshmallow from his mouth, laughing because she knows it’s useless. But she was his mother, so she would try regardless.

She wraps him up in her arms, her grasp firm so he knows she’s there but not tight enough to hurt him.

“I know why you won’t leave. I know why you won’t leave him, why you always come back. You’re holding on to that last piece of normal. It’s okay, it’s okay to hold on, but not when it’s hurting you like this. This house is full of memories, but it’s haunted and full of pain too. I would never ask you to leave what you know, but please just come with me for tonight, maybe a few days at most.”

JJ has always trusted y/n, so even now, when he was upset and jumbled with emotions he trusts her.

She lifts them both up gently. “Let’s get some spare clothes, okay? I can pack them for you if you want.”

They both walk into his room but he makes no effort to pack. Instead, he picks up another photograph that was sitting on his dresser before sitting at the end of the bed. Without saying anything else she grabs one of his duffle bags, and starts putting in a few extra shirts and shorts, and even grabs a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt just in case. When she’s finished he’s still staring at the photo like he’s in some kind of trance.

She throws the bag over her shoulder and reaches her hand out to JJ. That seems to break him out of his state a little, standing up and pocketing the photographs. He takes her hand and they walk out of the house together, out to her car.

She pulls into her driveway, and they walk into the house together and up to her room.

“Why don’t you shower and change?” She can tell he’s still dazed, and she’s hoping a shower will relax him.

While he showers she makes her way back downstairs, her parents are out of town for the next few days, so she figures she’ll cross that bridge when she gets there. She does, however, text the pogues, realizing just how long it had been since they all began looking for JJ. She keeps it simple and just lets them know that he’s okay and with her for now.

And then, she makes two sandwiches, one for herself and one for JJ, because she knew he wouldn’t eat if he thinks she had made something especially for him. When she walks back up the stairs into her room, JJ is already out of the shower and changed. He looks up when she walks in and she lifts up the plates of sandwiches slightly.

“Eat with me?” she asks.

They sit and eat the sandwiches in silence, and when they’re both finished she runs the plates back down before returning with two classes of water.

“Okay,” she says after a few sips. “Just try to get some rest, okay? I’m going to shower, but I’ll be quick.”

Long after the shower turns on, JJ is still hesitating and realizing how stupid their fight was. All that he knows is that he missed y/n, and now he was here with her, everything felt like maybe it would all be okay.

He had just made it under the covers when the water shut off, and a few minutes later y/n came out, not hesitating to lay down in the bed beside JJ. It didn’t matter that they had been fighting, or not speaking, or had not seen each other in the past few weeks. They would always be there when it was needed.

“I’m sorry y/n,” he says suddenly. She had thought he had fallen asleep.

She shakes her head, even though he can’t see her.

“It’s okay.”

He rolls over, and now they’re both on their back, staring blankly at the ceiling as if staring long enough would make it disappear and show them the night sky just on the other side of it.

“But it’s not.” He starts, “You were just trying to protect me. And this whole thing has been so stupid - I’ve been so stupid. I didn’t like that, us fighting, us not talking. It just feels like … a storm sometimes. In my head, and it scares me when I’m not in control.”

His hand finds hers in the dark, “I know you were just trying to protect me. I was just mad at myself because I feel like it’s my job to protect you, and I wasn’t doing that.”

She squeezes his hand. “Maybe it’s not okay…” she starts, “but just know I understand, and that I’m always going to be here.”

She looks at him then, reaching up and finding his chin, turning it gently.

“And we protect each other, okay?” There’s a desperation in her voice that he picks up on. One that he understands, deeply.

He gives her wrist a soft squeeze, “okay.”

Then he’s curling into her, and she lets him. It’s silent for another moment before y/n breaks it this time.

“JJ?” she says quietly.

He’s barely awake but he still answers her with a tired “Mhm?”

She hesitates, “to the moon and to Saturn.” She backs out, but the unspoken meaning is still there.

He smiles.

“You are my Saturn.

EIGHTEEN

please, picture me in the weeds, before i learned civility, i used to scream ferociously … any time i wanted

y/n blinks and suddenly it’s graduation. She’s never been happier, a swirl of excitement and pride all in one stirring in her stomach. For herself and everyone but mostly for JJ. Things had been okay enough, but no one could deny the hand JJ had been dealt. He faced it every day, the sideway looks and the backhanded comments and the flat-out insults. But he had done it, proved them all wrong.

Luke had even made it to the ceremony, sitting tucked away in the back as he watched his son walk the stage, and afterward y/n eyes them as they had a conversation before finally parting ways.

JJ runs over to the rest of the group, scooping up y/n and spinning her around, cheering and causing a scene.

“We did it, we’re done!” He’s yelling, “we’re free!”

They continue to chat for a while and joke around, taking photos until the parents are all satisfied before parting ways with plans to meet back up at the beach later in the night.

JJ goes home with y/n and her parents, where there’s a small celebration set up for the pair. They eat cake and flip through old scrapbooks and photo albums. He’s happy, but there’s a sting in his chest, wishing his mom was there.

He imagines briefly, what it would have been like had his dad never changed, if he would have been there in the living room with them, or if he would have had his own afternoon planned. He decides not to dwell on it, instead, he wraps his arms around her from behind on the couch. He focuses on her, and her parents, the photo album of past memories. He understands he’s still lucky.

It gets later, and before JJ and y/n leave for the beach her parents call them into the kitchen again, they have something for JJ. He blushes at the statement, although he tries to hide it. He’s handed a small box and is shocked when he sees a silver key sitting inside.

“We hope we aren’t overstepping,” your mom starts, “really, it’s a bit overdue but we just thought - we just want you to know you’re welcome here anytime.”

Her father places a firm hand on his shoulder when he sees JJ getting choked up, “just if you ever need anything. Hell, if you ever just want to come bother us. You know you’re family.”

He laughs a bit, trying to lighten the mood, shaking his head, “Aw man, now you guys got me all emotional.”

Then he looks up at her father, “thank you, really.” And then he turns to her mother too, and she pulls him into a hug that he gladly accepts. “This means a lot to me, really… I don’t … I don’t know what I would’ve done without you guys. Where I’d be… just, thank you.” He tells her.

“You don’t need to thank us, honey. We’ll always be here to take care of you.”

The moment passes, he pulls away, clearing his throat in an attempt to hide his emotional state and he turns to y/n. “Alright, soaps over.” He announces, “you ready to go?”

They make their way to the beach, talking about summer along the way. JJ keeps listing all the things he wants everyone to do together before it’s time to part for school.

They find a spot on the beach, sitting and talking about how strange it is to be done with high school, and the future. Everyone is leaving, even John B. But JJ and y/n decided to stay close to home, not ready to leave yet.

“After college,” he says, “that’s when it’ll be time to go.”

“You would leave Outer Banks?” She asks, slightly shocked.

“Yea.” He says, confused as to why she was so shocked at his statement

“I’ve always said that, why the face?” He questions.

She looks down, realizing that he was right, he had always said that. She never thought about it in detail, never pressed him on it. Maybe she thought all this time that he never really meant it. Everyone always says they want to leave their hometown but how often did they really?

“nothing it’s just, something I heard Luke say once.”

She catches the way his face drops and she tries to backtrack

“No, no, it was nothing bad I promise. I heard him say ‘you know you won’t leave her’ and I don’t know, it’s just the only thing I’d ever agree on with Luke. That you wouldn’t leave your mom behind, and I understand that. You could build something better, be something better.”

He has a pained look on his face, his hand reaching up to the Saturn around his neck.

“Did you mean what you said, about me being a part of my mom?”

She rests a hand on his shoulder, “of course I did JJ. Everyone knows. You’re the best parts of her.”

“Then it won’t matter where I go. She’ll always be with me.”

Then the look on his face turns into a smirk.

“Besides,” he starts, “it wasn’t my mom he was talking about.”

y/n pulls her arm back from JJ’s, retreating into her own space.

“Oh.” She says simply, starting to wonder who would keep him tied here.

The only other girl he really had in his life was Kiara, and they had been awfully close this past year. She had even gifted him a locket for his seventeenth birthday and it now sat right next to his Saturn charm. It took everything in her not to ask what it was, her curiosity was killing her but she respected his privacy more. But truthfully, y/n couldn’t blame JJ even if she wanted to. Kiara was special, she wouldn’t want to leave her either. She didn’t want to leave any of them.

And then y/n started to realize that she always thought it would be her and JJ. Whenever she imagined the future, JJ was there too. She was realizing that maybe it was selfish of her to just assume he’d always be there. She knew he had dreams of his own, and who was to say that she was involved in any of them?

“Hey now,” he starts when he notices the change in her demeanor, grabbing at her face and pushing at the corner of her lips, playfully trying to force a smile.

“Why’s my y/n so sad?” He says with a pout, putting on a dramatic voice like he’s talking to a hurt child.

She pushed his hands away, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably, not being able to control the smile that follows her laugh.

“Well I’m sorry, my best friend just dropped a bomb that he has some mystery woman he’d follow to the ends of the earth. I guess I’m just a piece of moldy bread to you now, huh? I’ve been replaced.”

She overplays her sadness, saying it dramatically, but truthfully deep down a part of her is hurting at the thought.

His hands have moved to the side of her face.

“Come on now y/n, you’re supposed to be the smart one.”

She places her own hands on his, turning her head to the side slightly in question.

“Oh my god y/n,” he laughs, “are you going to make me say it?”

She remains silent, her face reflecting her deeper confusion, wondering what he was on about. She honestly felt like she had missed something, feeling like he had moved on to a whole new topic all together.

“It’s you, you big dummy!” He exclaims, shaking her a bit to emphasize his point.

Suddenly y/n is shocked and embarrassed, moving her head down, trying to hide from JJ’s gaze.

He laughs again and pulls her in, “I would never leave you y/n. You’re stuck with me.”

She doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t need to, instead, she lets him tuck her into his chest. Her eyes land on that locket of his, and she can’t stop her fingers from playing with the charm.

Then suddenly his hand is running up her arm and grabbing hers.

“Why don’t you just ask already?” He says and she immediately freezes. “I know you want to know.”

She still doesn’t say anything but she shrugs her shoulders a bit. Yes, y/n was dying to know what was in the locket but part of her also felt it was an unspoken line that she shouldn’t cross. It was Kiara that had given it to him, so it was probably something that meant a lot to the two of them, and she didn’t want to pry at their relationship.

Of course, he would tell her if she asked but she never let herself.

“Just open it y/n.”

She looks up at him, still hesitant. But the look on his face reassures her, so she pinches open the locket and immediately smiles when she sees the photo inside. That photo from that fourth of July all those years ago, sitting with his mom on the banket, marshmallow all over his face. She can’t help the bittersweet tears that prick at her eyes, thinking about all that JJ had accomplished, and wishing more than anything that his mother had been there to see it.

Then silently JJ reaches up and opens the locket the rest of the way, and when y/n sees the photo on the other side it feels like all the air has been sucked out of her. It’s a photo of him and her from when they were little, looking like it’s from the same night. There they were, standing next to each other with wide eyes and beaming smiles, sparklers in hand. Trails of light surrounded the sparklers, the children unable to keep them still.

And that was when y/n knew. She knew that it would always be the two of them, somehow and someway. She knew that she would go wherever he wanted or needed to go at the drop of a hat and that he too would follow her without hesitation. And most of all she knew she was lucky. She knew how lucky she was to have someone like JJ in her life.

She closes the locket with tears in her eyes, and rests her palm on his chest, feeling his heart beat wildly. When she finally looks up she sees him tearing up too. She reaches up and wraps her arms around him, holding onto him tightly and he does the same.

“I love you JJ.”

He squeezes her tighter for a moment.

“I love you too y/n.”

And maybe the words meant more to both of them. It seemed like over the years that the lines between loving platonically and loving romantically had blurred. Best friends, soulmates, twin flames, they were always something to each other. But the one thing that they did know was that they had time. They had so much time to figure it out and neither were in a rush to figure it out. What they were now was good, who were they to question it?

TWENTY-TWO

sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won’t tell no other, and though i can’t recall your face i still got love for you, pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move to india forever … passed down like folk songs our love last so long

It’s Friday night and the Fourth of July. y/n has been cleaning the apartment all day, needing everything to be perfect. Everyone lived busy lives now, but they were coming tonight to celebrate. She even decorated. A few balloons tied to chairs and red, white, and blue streamers hanging from the doorway.

She hears the front door opening but doesn’t look up from the counter she was wiping down.

“Are you still cleaning? It’s just the pogues y/n, relax.”

“I know,” She says, folding the last blanket and placing it on the edge of the couch “I just want it to be nice. It’s all going to be so different soon.”

There’s a beat of silence and a bittersweet tension hanging in the air.

“Why are you home so late?” She asks, changing the subject quickly.

He lifts the grocery bag in his hand, “beer” he says simply.

She rolls her eyes. “JJ, we have plenty of beer.”

She starts walking towards the kitchen and JJ trails behind her, pulling the pack of beer out of the bag.

“Oh y/n, you can never have too much beer.” He places the pack in the fridge and then starts taking out a few more items.

“Plus, we can’t do the fourth without our favorite.”

She smiles at the contents on the counter, “how could I forget the s’mores?”

JJ turns back to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Because you’re in overdrive, and stressing yourself out. Go take a nap before they get here. You’ve been up all day and I know you had a late night, you’re tired.”

“No, I was going to make some snacks and -” She protests.

“You don’t need to make anything, Kie said she’s bringing dinner from The Wreck.”

“Well, what about the fireworks?”

“John B has it covered”

“What about -”

JJ cuts her off again, “everything is done y/n, we’re ready for tonight. Go rest.”

She pulls him in, wrapping her arms around him.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

She looks up at him, admiring him for a moment. It was something she caught herself doing often, and if he noticed he never commented on it.

College had been kind to JJ. Once he got a handle on it he thrived in the freedom of it. They were coming up on a year since graduation, and JJ had since shed his childlike habits. He was still himself, the light of the party and loud and still sometimes impulsive but underneath it all, he was a man now. It was evident in the way he carried himself now, broader and more confident. He took his life seriously and was happy to do so.

She smiles up at him, “I’ll take a nap if you come with me.” And when she looks at him with those eyes of hers, JJ simply cannot resist.

“Okay, come on.”

They walk over to the couch, JJ picks up the blanket and unravels it before laying down.

“JJ! I just folded that.” She says, slightly irritated but laying down nearly on top of him anyways.

He only rolls his eyes at the comment, dropping the blanket over them and wrapping his arms around her, y/n melting into him as soon as he does.

Minutes of silence pass, and JJ thinks she’s fallen asleep until she speaks up.

“Are we sure about this?”

“y/n, we’ve spent months talking about this. I promise you we’re doing the right thing, okay?”

She sighs, knowing deep down that he was right, so she lets herself relax and catch up on the much-needed sleep.

-------

Hours later and the night has finally begun. They’re all sitting in the living room, chatting. JJ and y/n exchange a look, and they know it’s time.

“Alright guys, we have something to tell you all.” Her smile is spreading, but she still turns to JJ for reassurance. He takes her hand in his and the pair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving.” They both spit out at the same time.

The other four drop their mouths in shock, it wasn’t the news they thought they were getting, but it was still enough of a bomb to catch them completely off guard.

But the speechless shock only lasts a brief moment before they start bombarding the pair with questions.

“Okay, okay!” y/n shouts, trying to calm all the voices talking over each other.

“San Francisco, California. That’s where we’re going. I got a job offer and JJ found a few places hiring where he can teach surfing lessons.”

Kiara and Sarah are nearly jumping from excitement, pulling her into a hug.

“y/n, that’s amazing!”

“Congrats, baby!”

“When do you have to be there?”

y/n’s smile drops and she pulls away.

“Well, that's the thing…” She starts, glancing towards JJ again, and that’s when he steps in.

“Our lease for here is up at the end of this month anyway …”

“You’re moving across the country in less than a month?”

“We didn’t think it was going to move this fast but things just seemed to line up that way…”

...

After the excitement and explanation, they’ve migrated into two separate groups, the boys still lingering in the living room.

“So that’s not the announcement we thought we were getting tonight,” Pope says, nudging JJ.

JJ looks at him confused, “what do you mean?” He asks.

“He means,” John starts, sitting up, “when are you gonna ask y/n to marry you?”

JJ nearly chokes on his drink at that, even spitting a bit of it out.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asks, “we’re not even dating.”

The other two glance at each other for a moment before back at him.

“What?”

“What?” The other two echo back, just as confused.

“And I thought two of my best friends moving across the country was going to be the biggest news of the night,” John says, taking a swig from his beer.

“What have you two been doing the past five years then?” Pope asks.

“We’re just … She’s my best friend, you guys know that.”

“But aren’t you guys more than that?” John asks. “You know, you could have told us you’ve been dating since high school and we’d believe it. You really aren’t together?”

JJ shakes his head, trying to explain what he doesn’t fully understand himself.

“No, not like that. We’re just… we’re JJ and y/n. Like we’ve always been.”

The other two share a small laugh.

“What?” The blonde asks.

“It was never JJ and y/n,” Pope answers. “It was always jjandy/n.”

“Have you guys really never?” He pries. “... At all? Anything? This whole time? Have you talked about it ever?” Pope continues as JJ shakes his head.

“No… we haven’t, we’ve never had to. I just know I’m always going to have her, and she’s always going to have me. We’ve never questioned or talked about how or in what way.”

“But what are you going to do if she meets someone? If you meet someone? Will you move out? Do you two even know how to function without the other?” Pope spits the questions out at a rapid-fire, genuinely curious.

“Of course, we can function without each other, we aren’t codependent.” JJ sighs, taking a breath, “I don’t know what’s going to happen if we meet people, we’ve never had that problem. She’s never mentioned guys past a hook up so I don’t know.”

“And what about you? What if you meet a girl?”

“I don’t know! Good god, what’s with the third degree?”

“You’ve seriously never thought about the future?” John presses.

“Not in, that sense I guess.”

“Okay, here, close your eyes. Don’t give me that look, come on just close them.”

JJ rolls his eyes but does as he’s asked.

“Okay, now, imagine yourself five, maybe even ten years from now. What do you see?”

“I don’t know… I just - I just see y/n.”

…

In the kitchen, Kiara and Sarah are giving y/n a similarly hard time, although it seems to be phasing her a little less.

“You know we totally thought the two of you were going to tell us that you were finally engaged, right?”

y/n rolls her eyes at Sarah, jumping up onto the counter to sit, “I’ve told you guys, we aren’t even dating. I don’t know where you keep getting that.”

“Still?” Sarah nearly shouts, “You guys still aren’t dating?”

“Ha!” Kiara cuts in before y/n can reply, “You owe me ten bucks.”

“Oh, so you guys are betting on us now?”

“Sarah’s betting.” Kiara says, “I’m making a profit.”

The other two are still standing, leaning against the counter inches away from y/n.

“What have the two of you been doing this whole time?” Sarah starts asking. “I thought for sure after we graduated college the two of you would finally get together.”

“They’re their own thing, Sarah, I keep trying to tell you.”

“But you guys are basically together, aren’t you? Is it just a ‘we don’t want to put a label on it’ thing?” Sarah presses.

“No, we aren’t together romantically at all. As I’ve said, I don’t know why it’s so shocking to everyone whenever I remind you.”

“But do you want to be?” Kiara asks, shifting the tone of the conversation a bit.

“I don’t know.” She says quietly, thinking it over.

“I mean, Sarah is right you guys have been together for, well your whole lives really. You guys are moving across the country together. The two of you are pretty much starting your lives together. What if he brings someone home? What if you meet someone?”

y/n just shrugs, starting to feel the tingling of emotions.

“To be honest with you, I don’t like to think about it. I mean I’ve dated here and there, and I know JJ has too but it never became anything serious for either of us.”

That day on the beach all those years ago had been enough to hold her over. The thought of always being together in some way, but now that they were getting older and a new part of life was starting, would that hold true?

“I just know I want him in my life.” She continues, “I mean, I think part of me always did think that maybe we’d end up together but… I don’t know I just, I guess I just want to make sure we’re together because we want to be, not because we’re all we’ve ever known. Sometimes I get scared that we’re holding each other back, that there’s something or someone we’re missing out on.”

She looks back up at the two girls, shaking her head at her emotions that seem to be building up.

“But most of all I just want him to be happy you know? I need to be prepared if it’s not with me. I guess I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

Sarah places a hand on y/n’s shoulder comfortingly.

“No, we get it. I think a lot of this is just anxiety from the move, from this big life change coming up. I can tell you, the one thing that’s never going to change is you and JJ. You guys are absolutely not holding each other back. Trust me, one of us would have said something if we were worried.”

“You can’t see it from the outside.” Kiara jumps in. “It’s not always bad to have someone like you have JJ. Never once have either of you held each other back. You’ve always brought out the best in him and he’s always brought out the best in you.”

“You really think so?” She asks, looking between the both of them.

They both nod, pulling the girl into a group hug best they can, just as the boys are walking back in from the living room.

“Hey!” JJ immediately shouts, walking over to the three girls. “Which one of you made my y/n cry?”

Sarah wordlessly moves from her side and next to Kiara, making space next to y/n for JJ to slide into, sending a look to Kiara at the words my y/n while doing so.

“Kiara was telling me a story about work.” y/n says quickly. “You know how I get about the turtles.”

“Oh yes,” He says, lifting a hand and wiping away the few tears, “that would explain it.”

“What about you boys?” She asks, nodding at Pope and John as well, “What were you all gossiping about, huh?”

“John was telling me all about the fireworks he brought. You ready to go light ‘em up?”

She jumps down from the counter excitedly.

“Yes, let’s go!” She says, grabbing the large plate that contained chocolate and graham crackers in one hand and a large bag of marshmallows and skewers in the other.

The rest of them follow the pair out, watching as JJ takes the plate from y/n so she doesn’t have her hands full.

“Okay,” Sarah says, “I’d put money on a year from now.”

“Oh my god, Sarah,” Kiara says, giving her a playful shove.

The rest of the night is good, y/n makes sure to take a moment to let it sink in, all their smiles and all their laughs.

They set off fireworks, and sparklers, throw poppers at each other’s feet, watch the boys run from one another with roman candles in hand, and JJ and y/n eat their weight in s’mores. The night runs longer than intended, especially since the girls decided to bring the alcohol back out.

Finally, long after the night has settled and everyone has lingered for as long as they can, the group starts to say goodbye to each other. Dishes and trash are brought back inside, excess fireworks and belongings collected, and goodbyes dragged out until JJ and y/n are left in their apartment.

y/n lets out a long sigh, feeling the night and the drinks and the reality of them leaving catch up to her. It felt a lot more real now that they had told their closest friends.

JJ notices her lingering by the door and tugs her gently on the arm.

“Hey, you wanna sleep with me tonight?”

She nods silently, a grateful smile on her lips.

“Go change and meet me in there, okay?”

She moves a little bit slower than usual, weighed down by exhaustion, doing the bare minimum to get ready for bed, simply changing her clothes and brushing her teeth lazily before pulling her hair up and walking to JJ’s room.

He’s just climbing into bed and she follows without hesitation, curling into him. She thinks about how easy it is with JJ, or maybe natural is the better word. Everything just is with him.

He notices the way she’s holding his hand tightly and to her chest.

“Hey,” he starts softly, “you know if … if you’re second guessing this whole move, just say it and we’ll stay. Or… just tell me and I’ll stay.”

“No,” she says quickly, holding him even tighter now. “It’s not that…” She pauses, trying to gather her words and her courage.

“It’s just, you know that I love you, right? But do you know that I love you?”

JJ thinks he can’t breathe and worries for a second that his heart beating as fast as it is can’t be healthy. He wonders for a moment if he’s already fallen asleep and if this is all just a dream.

Because this is the moment he’s been waiting for his whole life.

“I’m starting my life with you. Moving all the way across the country… away from our home, our family, and our best friends. But the thing is, as hard as I know it’s going to be … I don’t care. Because I’ll be with you, JJ. I’ll have you. I don’t want anything else. Anyone else. I never have.”

It’s more of a confirmation than anything else.

There’s a moment of silence, and she holds her breath. Then another, while JJ tries to find his words. His mind races, processing her precious words. Pieces of their life together flash through his mind.

He’s crying before he can stop himself, overwhelmed.

“Just… come here.” He says desperately, pulling her in and locking her into his hold.

“You’re going to make me cry.” She says, muffled in his chest.

If it was anyone else, maybe the tears would be alarming. She would’ve read the situation differently, and taken it as a rejection.

But it was JJ. And tonight is more of a confirmation than a confession.

He pulls her even closer, tightens his grip in hopes of emphasizing his words, and just how much he means it.

“I never told you outright, but you had to have known, right?… that it was always going to be you? I’ve never been good with my words but I hope I’ve shown you. I hope you’ve felt it this whole time. How important you are to me. How much I love you.”

She escapes his grip, pulling away only so she can see his face.

“I have never felt anything but loved by you JJ.”

And then JJ blacks out he thinks. Or maybe it was just a mind-numbing rush of adrenaline. Or maybe it was natural instinct that had been lying dormant this whole time, just waiting for the right moment.

Because one second he was staring at her glossy eyes, and the next his lips had found hers.

Finally.

It’s soft and slightly desperate, dizzying and intoxicating.

A sensation that both of them had been the feeling they had simply been waiting for their whole lives.

They only break away to relieve the burning in their lungs.

“Say it,” she begs softly, a little out of breath and a little drunk on JJ.

His mind is in a haze, a smile still adorning his lips as he tries to get back to hers. “I love you.”

“No,” She says, pulling on him to get as close as possible, “the other one. Tell me again.”

He doesn’t even hesitate, knowing what she means in an instant.

“You’re my Saturn, y/n.”

She smiles into his chest, “again.”

His hand finds her cheek, guiding her face to look up at him.

“You are my Saturn.”

“Never stop saying it?”

He kisses her again, then pulls her back into his side, tucking her into the spot that she’s always belonged in.

“Never.”

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