#YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME FROM THE VERY FIRST LIFE YOU ARE MY FIRST MEMORY EVERY TIME THE SINGLE THREAD IN ALL MY LIVES.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things aren’t going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when it’s happy. Maybe I’ll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But I’m thinking about the way I’m thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.

In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasn’t even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations I’d had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didn’t supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. That’s a real job you can do for almost five years. I didn’t have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.

Those days weren’t bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.

On 2016’s Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night before—not just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope I’d had in human nature because now I didn’t feel it anymore. It’s almost silly when I think about it—so many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didn’t think I was naive to that—but something clicked into place that morning.

It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, I’d tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. I’d written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: “Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.”

I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldn’t be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didn’t work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.

That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.

It doesn’t feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if that’s the grade it actually deserved. We hadn’t been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Grace’s murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.

Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasn’t interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.

I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trump’s election in 2016 felt like that.

After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldn’t kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, “what if I got into politics.” Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trump’s inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.

Now it’s election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, there’s Palestine. Meanwhile there’s Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.

I don’t think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in November— how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.

I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I don’t know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naïveté to the world—not to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. It’s not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynic’s pleasant surprise.

Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a person’s life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.

I’m lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what I’ll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimist’s optimism: to a degree the election doesn’t matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.

But please god please, why can’t it be just a little easier to do it?

[rosieofcorona]

Mythal, Solas, and Lavellan (An Analysis)

Please be aware that this post contains spoilers for Dragon Age: The Veilguard, so now is the time to click away until you have finished the game. All opinions shared here are just opinions, and are not intended to be presented as fact. 💕

So, this is sort of an abridged version of what could be (and may someday be) a more in-depth analysis, but I just want to offer a different perspective on the Mythal vs. Lavellan discourse when it comes to Solas’ love and loyalty. I've included a lot of supporting evidence from the game, and wanted to share some of it for your consideration: I want to start in the Lighthouse, for the folks who are upset that we didn't see Lavellan amongst Solas' memories. I think this is for the best, all things considered. The regrets we see in the Lighthouse are all of Mythal– taking a form for her, letting her mold him, doing things he thought were “monstrous” at her request, however well (or ill) intentioned. To me, Solas regrets Mythal nearly as a whole. He loved her, certainly, but I think it’s very apparent that he wants more than anything to close that chapter of his life and move on, which he cannot do without confronting the mistakes of his past. From my view, it’s an excellent sign, actually, that Lavellan is not among the great regrets of his life. He says to Rook that he regrets being selfish with her– but he “cherishes” his closeness with, and his love for Lavellan “more than [his] victories.” The same cannot be said of anything on those walls in the Lighthouse.

That same closeness with Mythal– regardless of whether it was romantic, platonic, familial– hurt him, over and over. Everything he did in service of that love, he regrets. He does not cherish it, at least not in the same way. I think I would’ve been offended, frankly, if Lavellan had been on those walls beside her.

Moreover, he acknowledges Lavellan’s goodness, and doesn’t really do that for Mythal, at least not here. Yes, in Trespasser, he said that Mythal was the best of the Evanuris, but we know it’s a low bar to clear. Does that mean she was evil? Not necessarily. But he also says to Rook that all the Evanuris “were monsters, in their own ways,” and moments later tells them, by contrast, that Lavellan “is a good woman.”

I don’t think it’s his love for Mythal (or even his loyalty to her) that keeps him away from Lavellan, either. He cannot in good conscience give himself what he wants most without first fixing what he broke. He doesn’t want to bring down the Veil anymore, not really. He even acknowledges the Dalish as "our people," to an elven Rook (Lavellan's influence?), and says it was a "privilege" to help them again. He says in the final confrontation that he is compelled to bring down the Veil at this point because otherwise, he has failed and wronged and harmed people for nothing– Lavellan among them. He says, more or less, that he has to see it through, has to bring back “the world [Mythal] wanted,” or else all the suffering he’s imposed has been in vain. That reads to me as a sunk cost fallacy more than an act of great loyalty. 

If we’re talking about what Solas wanted, by comparison, we see it in his codex letter to Lavellan– he says, outright, “I could have…even put my plans aside, and simply stayed with you as Solas…which is what I wanted.” His desires do not match Mythal’s, and in fact are the opposite. But again, how can he allow himself to have his own way when he does not yet feel he has righted his wrongs? 

Here we wade into murkier waters (as this could be a more personal interpretation than what was actually intended), but I think it’s fascinating that in Solas’ memory of manifestation, he tells Mythal, “I will always follow where you go.” I think this may be his original regret. I think he wishes he would’ve followed his heart (both in the moral sense, and later, the vhenan sense), rather than pledging himself to another being that “broke him,” as Mythal herself admits to doing.

And speaking of vhenan, my final note: Mythal is never anything but Mythal, to Solas. Even when she calls him “love" in his memories, he does not reciprocate. He refers to her as nothing besides her name. Lavellan is always given the title of Vhenan. He has not called her Inquisitor since before Trespasser, and even then it was because he was trying to create distance, to avoid hurting her further. But ultimately she is his heart, and he wants to follow her, and Mythal is the only thing stopping him– not because he is holding onto her, but because she is in his way.

[aventurineswife]

anon who requested the IPC worker x Aventurine where reader faked their death :D

a part 2 would be cool, how you go abt it id up 2 u but if u would like any ideas…it could maybe have a flashback of their fakeout death and Aven’s reaction, and then flash to the present where he tries to leave IPC to live domestically w Reader, but they get killed for real in the process (i’m angst #1s lover) and now Aven is stuck in the IPC 😭

“At the end of the world, or the last thing I see, you are never coming home” | Part 2

Summary: Memories of your past with Aventurine resurface, unraveling the intense moments that led to your faked death. A flashback reveals the night you made the harrowing decision to disappear, showing how it shattered Aventurine’s world. Torn between loyalty to IPC and his love for you, Aventurine is ultimately willing to risk everything for a future together. However, when he attempts to leave the IPC, tragedy strikes, claiming your life in reality this time. Now, Aventurine must face an eternity of regret and entrapment within the very organization you both sought to escape. Bound to the IPC, haunted by memories of you, he is left yearning for a life he can never have.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, angst, fake death reveal, intense emotions, love and loss, tragedy, betrayal, hurt/comfort, forbidden love, character death, emotional breakdown, regret, forced separation, internal conflict, bittersweet romance.

Warnings: Intense emotional themes, character death, grief, betrayal, mentions of violence, flashbacks, guilt and regret, dark themes, potential tearjerker, unresolved trauma.

A/N: AHHHH!!! 😭 THAT'S SO MEAN BUT SO GOOD TOO?! MY BABY!!! 🥺💔

(Part 1)

The memory clung to Aventurine like a shadow—one he could never shake. He could still recall every detail from that day years ago, the day he’d thought he’d lost you forever. In his mind, it was as if he were back there now, reliving the dreadful series of events that tore you from his life.

It had started with an anonymous tip. He’d been in the heart of IPC headquarters, surrounded by the opulent furnishings and hushed power plays that were his world, when he received the message. The vague words scrawled across the screen still felt burned into his mind: An unexpected death in IPC’s ranks. Don’t ask too many questions.

At first, he’d dismissed it as some cruel joke or an attempt to provoke him. But as whispers circulated, he’d felt an ache that reached far deeper than any professional ambition or loyalty to the IPC. His instincts screamed at him that something was wrong. His fingers shook when he finally demanded details from an IPC informant. They had tried to placate him with silence, then with excuses, before finally leading him to a private room where they produced a list of names lost in action. His eyes landed on yours.

His heart had shattered. And in that moment, the world he’d so carefully built around him crumbled. The IPC, his title, every ounce of the strategic power he wielded felt like a joke, a hollow nothing in the face of your loss. Days bled into weeks, then months as he clawed through records, files, and whispers, desperate to uncover anything that could prove this had been a mistake. Eventually, after countless sleepless nights and fading hope, he resigned himself to a cruel reality: you were gone.

In the present, Aventurine had all but lost himself in your kiss, his hands cradling your face as if afraid you might disappear again. But now that he’d found you, he couldn’t imagine letting you slip away. You’d barely finished promising him you weren’t going anywhere when he whispered urgently, “Come with me. I'll leave the IPC. We can start over, together.”

The idea hung in the air, and the look on your face said you wanted it as much as he did. The life you’d built in hiding had given you some solace, but nothing compared to the warmth that had returned the moment you’d locked eyes with him again.

“I want to, Aventurine,” you murmured, your voice soft with hope but tinged with caution. “But you know, you leaving IPC isn’t going to be that simple.”

He gave a wry smile, the familiar gleam of his gambler’s spirit returning to his gaze. “Since when have I ever played it safe?”

It was settled. Together, you and Aventurine began planning a final escape from IPC, the promise of a quiet, shared life filling every unspoken moment between you.

Weeks later, the two of you were ready. Aventurine had secured falsified documents, disguises, and even an old shuttle that he’d salvaged and reprogrammed to slip through IPC scanners. His heart thrummed with excitement as he held your hand, the two of you ducking into back alleys and secret passages within IPC’s labyrinthine halls, moving closer to the shuttle bay with each step.

But just as freedom felt within reach, a familiar voice stopped him cold.

“Aventurine,” called a smooth, calculating voice—a voice he knew well, belonging to his superior within IPC, one of the few who could see through his every bluff. “Going somewhere?”

A team of armed operatives closed in, blocking your escape route, and Aventurine felt his stomach sink as he saw the trap closing around you both.

“What’s this?” he asked smoothly, masking his fear with a cocky grin as he positioned himself protectively in front of you. “A farewell party?”

His superior raised a brow, her gaze shifting to you before returning to him. “Leaving isn’t an option for a Stoneheart. Surely you know that.”

He cast a glance over his shoulder, meeting your eyes, silently urging you to stay close, to trust him just one last time. “Then let me make it clear,” he replied, stepping forward, his voice steady. “I’m done with IPC. And if you want me, you’ll have to get through us both.”

In the ensuing chaos, you and Aventurine fought with everything you had, desperate for one last chance at freedom. But just as you were about to reach the shuttle, a shot rang out.

You stumbled, a look of shock crossing your face as blood bloomed from your side. Aventurine’s heart seized. “No,” he whispered, catching you as you collapsed into his arms. “No, no, please… we were almost there.”

Your eyes met his, filled with a quiet acceptance he couldn’t bear. “It’s okay, Aventurine,” you murmured, your hand weakly reaching to touch his face. “I’m just sorry… I couldn’t give you the life we dreamed of.”

Tears he’d fought so long to hide spilled over as he held you, pressing his forehead to yours. “No, no, please don’t… I can’t do this without you.” But even as he clung to you, your grip grew weaker, your breaths fainter.

When your hand slipped from his cheek, Aventurine was left cradling your lifeless form, his vision blurring as grief consumed him. He’d lost you once before, but nothing had prepared him for the agony of losing you again—for real this time.

In the end, IPC dragged him back, broken and hollow, the final remnant of his old life slipping through his fingers. He returned to the office and his title as a Stoneheart, each day haunted by the love he’d sacrificed to leave the IPC, each night dreaming of a life he’d never know.

And so Aventurine remained, a prisoner of the world he’d once called his own, but now bound by grief—a gambler who’d lost his most precious wager.

[joyfulcowboycandy]

My tears, oh my tears, I just read your Lilia fic😭😭😭😭I don't think I'll be able to get through my day well. I really need a happy ending for him with her🤧🤧🤧

HI ANON! Thank you for your request ❤! I had to think pretty hard for an idea and I settled on this I hope it's satisfactory! I'm not very good at writing fluff and happy endings so I tried my best:p

Lilia Vonrogue x Reader

❥ part two (part 1: here)

Content warning: none

fem reader

Lilia had spent countless years as a hardened warrior, fighting on the front lines and keeping his heart guarded from attachment or sentimentality. But when she died in his arms, all his strength and resilience seemed to dissolve. Now, he was left with only her memory—and the child she’d entrusted to him, Silver. Raising Silver should have been a way to honor her, but each day felt like a reminder of his failure to protect her. Despite this, he kept her memory close, never sharing the truth with anyone else.

When he’d returned to Briar Valley, he had simply told others he’d found the boy abandoned. He didn’t want their sympathy, their prying questions, or their pity. She was his secret, a part of his soul he guarded as fiercely as any territory he’d once protected in battle.

Though he loved Silver fiercely, Lilia struggled to raise him properly. Silver was human, fragile and dependent in a way that bewildered him. Malleus, though eager to help, was just as lost. He was unused to anything so delicate, and his fascination with Silver’s human traits sometimes did more harm than good.

“I do not understand, Lilia,” Malleus said once as they watched Silver wail at the unfamiliar taste of solid food. “Why does he reject this nourishment? Fae children devour their first meals.”

Lilia only chuckled, masking his own frustration. “Human babies don’t always eat everything, Malleus. They’re… unpredictable.”

But when he was alone, Lilia was less assured. How could he teach a child when his own life had been war and solitude? He often tried to remember the warmth of her smile as she held Silver, the way she’d cradled him with a patience and gentleness he could never seem to match. He’d even picked up books on human parenting, flipping through pages with an intensity usually reserved for military strategies. Yet, with every attempt to follow the words, he felt her absence even more sharply, the emptiness of her laughter lingering in the silence of their small home.

Silver was growing quickly, and with him, Lilia’s feelings shifted. At times, Silver’s big eyes, so much like hers, would look up at him with a trust that made Lilia’s heart ache. But he was also reminded of his failings. How could he raise this child with warmth when he had none left to give? He was a warrior, not a father. And yet… he couldn’t let her down. Each time he saw Silver sleep, curled up and peaceful, he’d lean against the doorway and watch, feeling something unfamiliar and gentle soften his battle-worn heart.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.          Years Later

As he grew older, Silver began to notice things that didn’t quite fit the stories his father told him. Lilia had always said he found Silver, abandoned and alone, and that he’d taken him in. But there were gaps in the story, inconsistencies that left Silver questioning his past.

Sometimes, late at night, Silver would wake to find his father sitting by the fire, staring into the flames with a distant, sorrowful expression Silver had rarely seen. And sometimes, Lilia would hold a small trinket—a ribbon, or a faded piece of cloth—that he quickly hid whenever Silver approached.

“Father,” Silver asked once, “were you alone when you found me?”

Lilia’s gaze shifted, and he masked his expression with a wry smile. “You were all I found that day, Silver. Just a bundle of trouble waiting to happen.”

But Silver couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it. Over time, he learned not to ask too many questions, knowing they would only be deflected. Yet, the mysteries lingered, especially in the moments when he saw a softness in Lilia that he couldn’t quite understand—a gentleness that seemed to speak of someone else.

One night, Silver dozed off after a long day of training, only to find himself drifting into a dream unlike any he’d ever had before. It felt unusually vivid, he realized he were stepping into someone else’s memories rather than his own. He was in a dimly lit forest clearing, and through a haze of recollection, he saw his father, but not as he knew him. This version of Lilia seemed slightly younger, sterner, his gaze sharper and full of fire. And beside him was a woman Silver had never seen before.

She was human, with soft, gentle eyes, and the way she looked at his father was unlike anything Silver had ever witnessed. In one scene, she was gently binding a wound on Lilia’s arm, her hands steady and careful. Lilia was grumbling, clearly unused to being cared for in such a way, but there was a tenderness in his eyes, a look Silver had never seen directed at anyone before.

The memory shifted, and now she was holding a small child—an infant Silver realized with a start was himself. She whispered to the baby in her arms, her words too soft for him to hear, but the expression of love on her face was unmistakable. And when Lilia glanced at her, it was with a mix of admiration, something deeper and unspoken lingering in his gaze.

Silver stirred, feeling an ache in his chest he couldn’t explain. Who was this woman, and why had his father never mentioned her? The dream faded, but the questions remained, and the next morning, he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Father,” he began hesitantly, watching Lilia’s face, “I had a dream last night… or maybe a memory. There was a woman with you. She looked… kind.”

Lilia stiffened, his usual mirth fading as he met Silver’s gaze. For a moment, he was silent, his eyes betraying a depth of pain Silver had never seen before.

“She was…” Lilia’s voice was barely a whisper. “Someone I lost long ago.”

Silver remained quiet, sensing the weight of the memory and the love his father had hidden all these years. Though Lilia didn’t offer any more details, Silver understood that this woman—his mother—had been someone truly special. 

Silver felt a quiet desperation gnawing at him. Now that he had glimpsed a fragment of her—a woman he felt connected to yet hardly knew—a hollow ache settled in his chest. His father had always kept his sorrow hidden, masking any sign of grief with his usual humor and lightheartedness. But after seeing her, Silver couldn’t ignore the emptiness left by her absence, and he couldn’t accept that this was the end of their story.

The longing grew sharper with each day, his mind drifting back to the mystery of her—a mother he barely remembered, a bond he could only dream of. How could he let things end like this? To never have truly known her felt wrong. Still, he was just a human, and what power did he have over something as final as death?

But the thought wouldn’t let him rest. He was not as helpless as he felt. He was strong, he knew magic, and he was connected to some of the most powerful beings in Twisted Wonderland. Surely there was a way—some forbidden knowledge, some hidden path he hadn’t yet considered.

And then he remembered the rumors, whispers of a witch who resided far beyond Briar Valley, somewhere between worlds, where human souls and fae magic brushed against each other. A powerful sorceress who understood the mysteries of life and death and could speak to the spirits themselves.

The path to this witch wouldn’t be easy, but Silver knew he couldn’t turn back now. This was something he had to do—not just for himself, but for the one who had given everything for him, the one he knew his father had loved in a way he had never spoken of.

Silver set out quietly, keeping his journey a secret from his father, Sebek and Malleus. He ventured through dense forests and past enchanted lakes, traveling farther than he ever had before. His heart remained steadfast, though fear began to settle in as he neared his destination.

Finally, after days of travel, he reached the borderlands between the human world and the realm of the sea—a place where twilight lingered, where ancient stones rose from the mist, and the air was thick with enchantment. In the shadows of the rocks, he caught sight of her: the witch he had heard of. She was cloaked in dark robes, her figure partially obscured, but her gaze was piercing, as though she had been expecting him.

“You seek to bring back a lost soul,” she said before Silver even spoke. Her voice was calm but held a warning, laced with an unsettling wisdom. “A dangerous wish, young one. Life and death are not to be tampered with lightly.”

Silver’s resolve held firm. “I know it’s dangerous, but… she was taken from us too soon. I just want the chance to know her, even if it’s only once.”

The witch regarded him in silence, her expression unreadable. “To bring back a soul from beyond… it requires a great sacrifice,” she finally said. “Not in gold, not in power, but in spirit. To restore what was lost, you must be willing to give something of equal weight in return.”

“What do you mean?” Silver asked, feeling a shiver of uncertainty.

She gave him a steady look. “It will cost you a piece of yourself. Memories, perhaps, or a fragment of your own life force. To give life, something must be taken. And even then, it may not work as you hope. The dead do not always return as they were.”

Silver’s heart raced, but he nodded, his determination unwavering. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

The witch watched him, assessing his resolve before finally nodding. She led him to a clearing at the edge of the shore, where she instructed him to gather rare herbs and light a circle of candles in the shape of the full moon.

Silver could feel the energy drain from him as the witch chanted in the language of old, his very life force spilling into the circle they had created. He closed his eyes, focusing on his mother’s face, the brief glimpses he had seen in his dreams—the gentle smile, the warmth that lingered even in a memory. He barely noticed as the witch’s voice faded, the mist thickening in front of him until it nearly obscured the world.

When he opened his eyes, she was there.

She stood just beyond the edge of the mist, her form wrapped in simple robes of soft, muted colors, somewhere between the shades of twilight and dawn. Her hair, flowing, caught the light in a gentle, silvery sheen. Silver’s heart stilled, his breath caught in his throat as he took in her familiar features—the softness of her gaze, the contours of her face that mirrored his own.

For a moment, she looked around in confusion, her brow furrowing as her gaze settled on him, lingering with a glimmer of recognition that hadn’t fully settled. She studied his face, her eyes taking in every feature as if piecing together a puzzle from fragments of memory.

Silver’s lips parted, and the word slipped out like a breath. “Mother…”

Her eyes widened, the dawning realization flooding her expression, and then, as if nothing else in the world mattered, she moved toward him. At first, a tentative step, and then, as recognition and emotion surged within her, she rushed forward, wrapping her arms around him with a force that belied her slight frame. Silver’s arms moved instinctively to hold her, his heart pounding as he felt the solid warmth of her, the reality of her presence.

They held each other for a long moment, both too overwhelmed to speak, both still trembling with the fragile wonder of what had just happened. She pulled back slightly, gazing up at him, her eyes studying every line and shadow on his face. She let out a soft, incredulous laugh, a sound both joyful and tearful.

“Silver…” she whispered, her voice filled with wonder. “You… you’ve grown so much. You’re so big now.”

Silver managed a shaky smile, barely able to contain the overwhelming surge of emotions. “I… I never thought I’d see you…”

Her hand reached up, brushing his cheek, her fingers lingering as though she was still trying to assure herself he was real. “I don’t understand how… or why… but I felt something calling me back, a longing I couldn’t ignore.” Her voice faltered, softening. “I thought I’d lost you both forever.”

Silver shook his head, his own hand moving to cover hers. “No. I had to bring you back. I had to know you—just once.” His voice broke slightly, but he didn’t care; he needed her to know the depth of his longing, the years he had wondered about her.

They shared another silent moment, just taking in the wonder of being reunited before Silver finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “There’s someone who needs to see you… someone who’s missed you even more than I have.”

Her gaze brightened, and she nodded, a glimmer of emotion flickering in her eyes as she realized who he meant. “Take me to him.”

When they returned to Briar Valley, Silver led her to the castle, his heart racing with anticipation and awe. Lilia was there, his usually cheerful expression softening as he spotted Silver at the entrance. But when his gaze landed on the figure beside him, he froze.

For a heartbeat, Lilia seemed unable to comprehend what he was seeing. His eyes widened, his mouth slightly open as he took in the sight of her, standing beside Silver, alive, her eyes shining as she met his gaze.

“Lilia…” she whispered, her voice breaking as tears pooled in her eyes.

Lilia took a hesitant step forward, his composure slipping away, replaced by an expression Silver had never seen before—a vulnerability, a disbelief, and a raw, overwhelming joy. “How…?” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Unable to hold back any longer, she moved toward him, her steps quickening until she wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him as if he might vanish. Lilia’s arms encircled her, holding her tightly, and a tear slipped down his cheek as he buried his face in her shoulder.

They stayed like that, the two of them locked in an embrace, their reunion marked by silent tears and whispered words of comfort and disbelief. Silver watched, a warmth filling his chest, his heart swelling with quiet happiness as he witnessed the reunion he had always longed for.

When they finally pulled back, Lilia placed a gentle hand on her face, brushing away a tear. “I thought I’d lost you forever,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes softened with a depth of love that Silver had never seen before.

She placed her hand over his. “You never lost me. I was always there… watching over you both.”

Lilia looked toward Silver, his gaze filled with gratitude and something else—a newfound pride, a warmth that he struggled to put into words.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.  BONUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silver led his mother, Y/N, through the stone corridors of the castle. She held herself with quiet grace, her steps soft, but she was clearly a bit nervous. As they approached the courtyard, Malleus and Sebek stood waiting, expressions guarded yet curious.

“Mother,” Silver began, a touch of pride in his voice, “these are my friends: Malleus Draconia and Sebek Zigvolt.”

Y/N gave a small, respectful nod, her gaze briefly meeting theirs before she glanced aside shyly. “It’s… nice to meet you both. I’ve heard a little of you on the way here.”

Malleus tilted his head, regarding her with a steady, thoughtful gaze. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.”

“Wait,” Sebek interjected, brows drawing together in confusion, “Silver, you… have a mother? That’s not the story Master Lilia told us…” His voice was skeptical, yet respectful.

Silver shifted slightly. “I uh…. Well, it’s complicated…”

Just then, Lilia approached, hands behind his back, giving the scene an amused glance before his gaze softened on Y/N. She caught his eye, a bit of warmth there, even if neither spoke right away.

“Lilia,” Malleus finally ventured, “perhaps you could enlighten us?”

Lilia gave a faint smirk, his tone dry. “Oh, I do seem to have forgotten a few details, haven’t I?” His eyes flicked to Y/N with a hint of warmth. “She has a habit of showing up when you least expect it.”

Y/N chuckled softly, glancing at Lilia. “Some things haven’t changed.”

Sebek was still gaping, while Malleus studied the quiet exchange between Y/N and Lilia with a thoughtful look. Lilia only shrugged, his voice nonchalant but his gaze carrying a deeper feeling as he said, “Every family has a few secrets, after all.”

Bonus 2: Y/n: Oh… You cut your hair. Lilia: Yes, I did… Did you like it longer? I’ll grow it out. Y/n: W-what? It’s okay! I love it now too. It’s cute. Lilia: I love you too–oh, I mean I love it too, yes.

[tremendouscreationperson]

So this is a bit odd but Logan x Death!Reader

There be deaths in here, blood, pains, etc so be careful

Fun fact: I was originally thinking of this for Din Djarin

It had been so long since he had seen you. Far too long. Logan had missed you with every day, every hour, minute and second that passed. You were his love.

Simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to him.

The ‘best’ because he hadn't ever thought it possible to find his other half. Hadn't believed in the notion of a Soulmate yet you were the proof.

The ‘worst’ because to meet you was strenuous. It literally meant death. He had to be around tragedy to glimpse you and die to touch you.

He couldn't remember the first time you met. You were able to tell him pieces of his life which helped close some of the gaps in his memory.

There had been a car crash, the flames were sweltering as firefighters tried to quash them. Logan didn't raise his head to the wreckage, partly wanting to be respectful but mostly because he could smell the corpse. It was only when he felt eyes piercing his very being that he glanced around eventually landed on you.

Your hair was long and waving in a nonexistent breeze, you wore a dark headpiece which matched your frankly odd - but who was he (wearing yellow Spandex every other day) to judge? - outfit. It was a black skin tight bodysuit adorned with green. What in the Mutant hell were you?

Logan was ready to give you a sneer and fuck off but you smiled sweetly at him, even waving your fingers in a ‘hello’.

He waited, now curious, were you someone he knew from before?

You glided over with unearthly grace and once again offered a smile. “James, it has been decades.”

Logan's brows furrowed. Who the fuck was James? Instead of asking that he opted for the more diplomatic: “Do I know you?”

Your sweet demeanour fell, a flash of hurt covered by a blank slate. “You do.” He watched as your eyes scanned him and then refocused. “You have lost your memories.”

He gave an impatient huff in response.

“We were acquaintances.” Your voice wasn't familiar but his body had relaxed enough to know that was true. “You gave me my name.”

“You called me the wrong one.” He accused. The dog tags he wore told him his name was Logan, he was Logan. Whoever James was, was lost.

“You were James Howlett when we first met.” The flames were gone behind you, the charred body carted away whilst the morbidly fascinated crowd watched on as police took details. “I took your father. It was premature, I thought he could have more time, but I took him and got him safely to the other side."

“Other side?” He quirked a brow, what were you on about, there was no ‘other side’.

“I am a Reaper.” The words were spoken matter-of-factly, as though they weren't batshit.

“Yeah sure.” He rolled his eyes, completely done with this level of nonsense. “Look bub I ain't buying what you're selling so I suppose I'll see you next time I get in a fight.” And with that Logan walked away grumbling.

~~

There was no God, with all his suffering, Logan knew that to be true and in the not-real almighty's cruel twist of fate he was now eating his words.

Your pleasant face hovered over him as he was sprawled on the floor.

“Logan.” You greet.

He didn't have a name for you. “Bub.” He nodded, extending his hand for you to take.

“You can't touch me whilst you're alive.” You pointedly kept your hands behind your back.

“I thought you were a 'Reaper'?” He hoisted himself up, his torso and leg were covered in still warm blood.

“You did briefly die but you never remain dead.” You clarify for him. He knew he healed but he- he didn't know that he couldn't die. Was he immortal? “It took mere seconds for your body to heal.”

“Why are you here then?” He pried the sticky shirt from his chest and cut away at the material.

“I had a point to prove.” You wink before adding, “I thought we'd have more time.”

“More time?” This was trippy. So - if you were to be believed, which he was still very much on the fence about - you were a ‘Reaper’ and he couldn't die and you had had a previous relationship(?) he was unaware of.

A soft sigh escaped you, “sometimes you can pass the first veil, you can enter limbo where some souls linger. We commune there. Would have immediately proved my point.”

“Let me get this straight.” He was now standing before you, bloodied and shirtless, wearing a big confused frown. “I can't die?”

“No. Strictly speaking you are an abomination but you grew on me.” There was a fondness in the crinkle of your eyes and smile lines.

“And how long have we known each other?”

“We first met as I said when I took your father in the 1800s but it wasn't until the 1900s when we began to actively converse.”

Logan's eyes were wide. He knew his healing was good and, yeah, he had just learnt that he was immortal but learning that he was 200+ was quite something.

“I'm sorry, perhaps I should have eased you into that. I forget myself.” At least you had the decency to look embarrassed.

“Uh, it's- it's alright.” He must have been in shock because he just let someone off the hook.

~~

It took seven more visits for him to realise the two of you had had a special relationship. There was something about you that wedged its way into his mind. Usually because of a throw away comment that blew his mind. Such as the fact that there was a ‘plethora of afterlives’ as well as a ‘pantheon of Gods’. It was weird to have that confirmed. Every religion was based off truth and there were countless forgotten ones that would house the non believers, there were options for reincarnation and by fuck this was all bonkers.

The worst part, though, was that you were funny. He liked listening to you explain your world and he was in awe of your beauty. It hadn't gone unnoticed the first time he laid eyes on you but now he could really appreciate your ethereal splendour. Your eyes and lips had dark makeup that he wasn't sure was makeup - did a Reaper put make up on? - and you gave off an omnipotent air. But you were effortlessly funny, you always found a way to make him laugh and he prided himself on his gruff exterior.

“So who is really in charge then?” He had asked, walking next to you in a forest. Logan had found you stroking the neck of a deer, your face forlorn as he spied the shitty placement of the arrow. He hated hunters.

“In charge of what?” Your palms were folded in front of you, they were pitch black which faded at your wrist and blended into your natural skin tone.

“Out of the Gods.” He clarified. “Who do you work for?”

You turned in consideration and then replied with “I do not work for a God and there is no ‘in charge’.” You paused. “Plus a God can die but you can't kill Death.”

He chuckled, his brows shooting upwards. “Wow, so I'm hanging out with the big guns? With Death? I thought you were a Reaper.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “I am a Reaper and I have taken Gods to their afterlives'.”

“No, there's a difference between ‘Death’ and ‘a Reaper’.” He argued.

“Would it make you feel differently if I told you I was Death?” He had the feeling the two of you had previously had this conversation, there was a pang of familiarity just out of reach.

“No.”

Your lip pulled. “Good.”

~~

“How can you spare all this time for me?” Logan was genuinely curious. You'd appeared to him as he finished up in the Danger Room.

“I am not alone in my job. There are others that help, Yama, Azrael, Thanatos.”

“Why do you spare all this time for me?” He kept his gaze solely on the cigar he held. Observing it between his fingers.

“I enjoy your company.” You simply stated. “There have been others that have healed, that have cheated Death but none like you. The whole idea of you used to irritate me, I believed it was a sick joke at first. That you were sent to vex me but I now think you are a blessing. As I said you named me, you gave me something that made me more than a Reaper. I am still impartial, if I am needed I will be there, but I now tend to stop and watch the sunrise merely because I... want to. You gave me that.”

What does one say to that? You openly admitted that he gave you freedoms in your dutiful life. Was what you had a life? Were you alive? “I think I could've come up with something better than Y/N.”

“No.” You adamantly shook your head. “Y/N is the kindest name I've had in a long time.”

He didn't know how to deal with your eyes. They were pure, affection radiated from them, he didn't deserve that level of affection from a being such as yourself.

If you were a girl in a bar he would've had you in bed by now but you weren't. You were different, he would always be with you in some respect because death was everywhere. He had to approach this differently. He had to befriend you first, which was terrifying as he had no experience with that.

He was open to the idea of getting you in bed, of course he was.

Look at you.

You were fucking beautiful.

And funny.

And scary.

And powerful.

Everything he liked in a woman, wrapped in a gorgeous skintight outfit.

When had he stopped seeing you as an acquaintance and started seeing you as a lover?

“Logan are you alright?” You quirked your head. “That wasn't weird to say was it?”

“No.” He shook his head. “It wasn't weird to say, sorry I just- glad I could help.”

He was fucked.

~~

Logan was being tortured by some shitheel of a Mutant. He didn't even know what the kid had against him but this was different. The kid had been brought in to keep Logan down. To force him to stay dead for as long as it took to take down the others.

Which would've been terrifying if not for: “Logan!”

He spun around, his body lighter than it had ever been, and saw you standing with a concerned expression.

The room he was currently in was still there but the features were blurred, out of focus. He could see the vague shape of his body at his feet but the only in focus objects were you and himself.

“Is this Limbo?”

“Yes.” You knelt to observe the body he couldn't see, your hands hovered at a respectable distance. “This isnt- you need to get back.”

Confused, he asked: “Wait, isn't this what you said we did?”

“Not like this. Not with you being forced-” You cut yourself off.

“So I'm finally here but it's not right?” He couldn't win with you. Wasn't this what you wanted? You'd mentioned the veil twice and that he ‘had passed it before’, he was interested to know what the big deal was and now being lectured. Fucking brilliant.

“Logan, it'll never be right for you to be here.” You stood to your full height, closer than you've ever allowed him to be. “A minute or two here and there in the past was-” He was staring intensely at you. “What?”

“I-I can feel your breath.” He never could out there. You were always there and not there. Half in the living world but never fully.

“Of course you can, you're in my domain. We can even touch in here.” To amplify your point your fingers caught his wrist.

Logan's eyes flickered to your hands and back to your face. Putting two and two together, “You liked us being here. Where we can touch. Did we ever…?” He left the question open ended but he needed to know.

Hesitantly you admit, “We've shared a kiss.”

“Why didn't you mention that?” That should've been the first fucking thing you told him. His strange teenage crush on you was immediately validated.

“You didn't remember, you might not have wanted us to.” You shrug one shoulder. “I am Death.”

Logan placed a palm on your cheek, thumb caressing the soft flesh, and the other on your hip. He could touch you here. Of course you liked it when he visited. Fuck he liked to visit.

Your eyes tried to remain on his but they kept landing on his lips.

He leant down, slow enough for you to pull back - although he'd bet money that you wouldn't - and just as his nose met yours he gasped awake on the floor.

“Fuck!” He growled.

“Tha’ no way to thank ‘he Gambit for saving yo’ ass.”

~~

The almost kiss was seared in his brain. The soft look on your face as your eyes fluttered shut and your lips ghosted his own.

He was angry at Gambit for a solid month which wasn't exactly fair and no one knew about you so it seemed worse but the anger was valid.

He had almost kissed you.

Logan made a point to jot down the name of that mutant - Ignatius Clartion - in case any future opportunity didn't naturally occur.

He could always try Rogue if not.

Look at him, looking for ways to kill himself for long enough to make out with Death.

Fuck this was weird.

But he wasn't above that.

What made this worse was that you had taken a longer hiatus than usual, so he was left to stew alone which resulted in him taking every mission he could. Logan threw himself into the fray with even less care than before. Even considered entering the fight rings he used to dominate in just for a few seconds passed the veil.

He knew he shouldn't. You might not be best pleased if he turned up from basically committing suicide just for a make out session. But it was tempting.

He started sleeping around less, he went weeks without a fuck and that was hard.

All for nothing because you were gone.

~~

“Logan.” Your voice roused him from slumber. “Logan.” He had to blink a few times before his eyes could fully open.

“Y/N.” He grumbled.

“What are you doing?” Your tone was accusatory. “You almost died from kidney failure and that is saying something.”

“Just a couple drinks.” He sat up and flicked the table lamp on. His room was a mess but he could blame that on the whiskey and if you happened to notice his naked chest then that was a bonus. He was so fucked.

“Don't do that again.” You ordered before taking a step back.

“Wait!” He stopped you vanishing just in time. “Are we not gonna even talk about last time?”

“You're right.” You nodded and worried your lip. “You were in a prolonged state of death and I took advantage, I'm sorry. I have tried to keep my distance, I didn't realise quite how inappropriate it was to-”

Logan's chuckle cut you off. “Hold up. I almost kissed you and you're apologising for it?”

“It was an abuse of power.” You inform.

“No, it was almost a really fun time.” He shuffled to the edge of the bed, setting the duvet aside and sitting in only his boxers. “I'm pissed it was cut short, how do I enter the veil correctly?”

Perplexity was splattered across your features. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. “Logan, you have to die. There is no correct way.”

“I can't die.” He offered.

“It wouldn't be right.” You argue.

He realised something, “Why can't I touch you?”

“I cannot touch anything. My touch corrupts, decays, withers.”

“I can't die.” He repeated.

“But you could live your eternal life in a state of paraplegia. My touch could cause the metal of your bones to poison you over time, your skeleton could get so heavy it breaks down, your skin could rot away and you'd live as a corpse.”

“Or my healing factor counteracts you.”

“You can only see me because you have died, even that is taboo, and here I am arguing with you about kissing. Logan it isn't the natural order of things. I shouldn't have admitted that to you. It was better when you couldn't remember me.”

“No.” He vowed, anger rising. “You can't decide that.”

Your shoulders sagged. “I'm trying to keep you safe.”

“Fuck that.” He made a fist in the centre of his chest and unsheathed his claws. He coughed up blood as your eyes bulged and suddenly the room was blurred. There was no longer the taste of iron in his mouth and he stood, immediately crossing the space between you and joining your lips.

You moaned against his tongue before remembering yourself and pulling away slightly - your foreheads still touching - “this is wrong.” You mutter as he chases your lips and once again the two of you are sharing breaths. His tongue glides against yours and you let out another moan, melting in his arms.

Logan breaks the kiss only to trail his lips downwards, leaving sloppy kisses against your jaw and nipping at your neck.

The breathy sigh you release is all he needs in life. He wants this every day. Needs it.

“Feels pretty right to me.” He licks a stripe up your neck and you are forced to agree.

His hands have been frantically grabbing whatever they could due to his need to memorise every part of you. The material of your bodysuit was soft and allowed him to knead your breasts and hips without a barrier.

Logan tried to reign in his frantic movements but as he felt the fierce woman become putty in his hands he couldn't help but tilt your head exposing more of your neck to bite at the tender flesh once, nipping softly around it and kissing the mark he made. He had to mark his territory.

These needs were new.

Never before had he wanted to claim someone. Wanted others to know.

But now...

Seeing you let him do whatever he wanted was stirring something dark within him.

You were literally more powerful than anything in this world, in the universe, and he wanted everyone to know - you were his.

Were you his?

You better be.

He wanted you to be.

How would that work?

Logan coughed awake and let out a frustrated growl.

“Don't vanish!” He yelled sitting up to see that you hadn't. You were still here which was a good sign. “Let me-”

“No.” You stopped him, “Don't do that again, I'll be here if you do die but don't commit suicide for me.” The words were undermined by your fingers touching your lips.

Logan's frown was so large that he could see it in his line of vision. He really wanted to fuck you.

“Please.” You add, stepping forward and actually sitting on the bed. Again there was a distance between the two of you but you were trying.

~~

The whole ‘don’t commit suicide’ thing was bullshit.

Logan had to be sneaky about finding his ways to see you.

You always greeted him with a warm embrace and a hot passionate kiss.

He hated waking up. Which a therapist would argue was not healthy at all but Logan did not give a fuck.

It was noticed by the X-Men that he seemed to have a death wish and he was even approached by Ororo and Jean one day about his mental health. He was thankful that his friends were so caring but the more questions they asked the harder it was to explain.

And so he dialled back.

He ensured when he could die it would be a longer death.

The frequency was less but the time was more. A better compromise.

You were on the battlefield collecting poor innocent civilians and hung around to talk to him. “I know that I can't die but is there any way you can control how long I die for?” It was becoming a running joke amongst the X-Men that Logan talked to the dead. He looked insane.

“I-I can't control that but I do have a certain skillset that I've been thinking of introducing to you.” You wring your hands. “I don't like the idea of it but at least you wouldn't be thrown back without warning.”

“Tell me.”

“Time isn't linear, I can distort it, I can make one minute here be as long as I want there. I could elongate the moment.”

The grin that split his face was infectious. You tried and failed not to look pleased. “Next time, do that.”

~~

The death was fairly ordinary. He was riding Scott's bike home when the front wheel hit a patch of ice and skidded, flinging the bike to the right. Logan landed with a harsh thud on his neck.

He'd never been so excited.

You made good on your promise and displayed your other power of teleportation. Bringing him to his room.

Now that there was time he was going to take as long as he wanted.

There would be no frantic rushing, no, he would spread you out and treat you how you deserved.

Fuck was he going to be your first?

Did beings like you even have the concept of virginity?

You stood awkwardly at his side, your inner debate plain to see.

“Y/N.” He brought you to the present, with a hand on your waist.

“Logan.” You responded by placing your palm on his chest.

“Have you ever?” He wiggles his brows.

You huffed. “You wouldn't know this because of how easy going and encouraging I have been but this is not a common occurrence.”

He liked your sarcasm but loved what you said. You were going to be all his.

There wouldn't be another.

You belonged to him. The two of you knew that.

Logan's right hand found your neck and he tilted you to meet your lips.

This was the first slow kiss between you. He pecked at your lips before sliding his tongue along them, you eagerly opened your mouth and he explored. This time was borrowed and he would gladly accept the cost if it meant he could keep giving you leisurely kisses.

Your fingers flexed against his chest as he kissed you, the slow rhythm drove you equally as wild.

Logan kissed your nose, he loved your nose, then your forehead.

You took advantage of this angle and placed a tentative peck against his exposed neck. You could feel him stiffen and worried he was angry but Logan asked you to do it again.

And so you firmly repeated the action, giving his jaw the same attention he gave yours.

Your tongue ran across the flesh and you could feel the prickle of his stubble.

All these new sensations were maddening. He sensed that you were excited and purposely rubbed the stubble on you causing a full body laugh.

“No!” You wriggled out from the tickly chin but his grip on you tightened. “That's not fair.” You giggled.

Logan adored the sound.

He was well and truly yours.

“I've just discovered the one way I'm superior to you, I am going to expose it.” He smirks down, tempted to tickle you again but holding back.

“If I knew that this was what you were planning I wouldn't have suggested to bend the rules. Maybe I should send you ba-” He cut you off with another kiss. You weren't serious in your words so allowed the interruption.

Logan trailed his fingers up and down your body, making you twitch again but with a new sensation. This was slightly tickly but the new heat in your abdomen override that and made your back arch. Pressed you into him.

A palm found your spine and pulled you closer before it migrated down to grab a handful of your ass. He kneaded the flesh, fingers lower than socially acceptable and they found themselves closer to your pussy than he had actually intended. Oh well, Logan made circles with his middle finger and found where he wanted to be.

The whole time his hand was exploring he was lazily kissing you only stopping once your mouth fell open and you mewed against his lips. Your face contorted in pleasure and he couldn't help but watch.

“I think we should get out of our clothes.” He spoke lowly, to not ruin your high.

Your eyes flickered open and you nodded once, extracting yourself and with a wave of your hand you were bare for him.

Logan ripped the leather jacket from his back and tore the shirt in one swift movement. Eyes not once straying from your form. Your hands were still dark and your face still had the make up on but otherwise you were bare and he was going to wank to this image for the rest of his life.

There was nothing that could make him forget you now. What had happened to make him forget you in the first place?

His belt and trousers fell and he stepped out of his boots, ready for you.

You weren't nervous but he could tell there were things that you were conscious about, having never done them before, so he promised he'd make this perfect.

“Let's sit.” He led you to the bed and sat with you. “Let me know if I'm doing anything wrong.”

“But I won't know.” You countered.

“If it hurts, it's wrong.” He concluded.

You nodded, biting your lip. “You'll do the same?”

He didn't embarrass you with the scoff that tried to claw its way out, merely giving you a nod.

Logan brought you to him again, kissing your neck. Sucking and nipping his way from your left ear to the right. He then journeyed downwards, his hands guiding your body to lay on the bed as he kissed his way to your core.

Logan spent extra attention on your chest, how could he not? Your breasts were glorious. He sucked one nipple as he squeezed the other and your body reacted naturally to the feelings.

He breathed in your scent, a low growl rumbling in his chest as it mixed with your slick.

Leaving your now marked tits he carried on down past your stomach and pubic bone to where he had longed to be. He parted your legs and drooled.

Your cunt was breathtaking. It was moist and free of any hair - not that he would care - and it just invited him in. It did feel naughty to defile such beauty but it was more of a crime to leave you without an orgasm or twenty.

“You ready baby?” He asked, simultaneously lowering himself and lifting your legs over his shoulders.

“Y-eah.” Your breath hitched.

Logan licked from your core to clit and you audibly gasped, hands clutching his hair.

“Sorry.” You detangled them.

“Put them back.” He ordered, “I wanna feel you. If I'm not doing what you want me to, make me.”

He knew he kept thinking it but he had never wanted anyone the way he wanted you.

It was intoxicating to know the two of you were so compatible. He was drunk on you and there was no AA that would be able to help.

Logan buried his face at your core, lapping up your slick. It was sweet. For someone whose touch could only decay you tasted like an angelic being.

He used a hand to spread your folds so he could get his tongue deeper, licking inside.

His hand ached to get closer to the action, finger playing with your core as he spun his tongue against your clit. He knew he would have to ease in, so he tried to slowly introduce his finger by running it across the hole, teasing you, making you want more as he did the same to your clit.

Your thighs were ridged against his ears in an attempt to clamp shut but he used his spare arm to hold one open, hand intertwining with one of yours.

The finger slipped in past the nail as he sucked your clit to distract you. You were dripping with slick so he met zero resistance but he didn't want you to feel any discomfort.

He came up for air - to watch your face - as he pumped the finger in and out, each time going deeper.

Your chest was rapid and he tried to not lose himself in the view but it was hard when your tits were right there.

Logan remembered himself and kissed your inner thigh, adding another finger. Your body shuddered with pleasure as his facial hair scratched your sensitive skin.

Logan was quite content with laying between your legs watching himself disappear in you but he had a job to do. He was going to make you cum, then he was going to do it again and again.

His lips met yours and he pulled his fingers from you to suck the juices. He would need this weekly. Monthly at a push. You tasted fucking perfect.

There was no-one that was better suited to him.

“I feel-I feel really hot.” You told him as he re-entered the fingers, adding a third.

“I'll take care of you.” He promised, quickening the pace.

It didn't take long before your moans increased and you were panting louder and louder before you let a breathy groan and came around his fingers.

He wasn't done with you though.

He kept pumping in and out, working you through the orgasm, forcing it to continue long after you began twitching and tugging his hair.

“It's too much.”

Logan hated those words but did concede, pulling out finally and pushing himself up your body. Your legs fell from his shoulders to his waist, his dick inches from you, he could feel the warmth.

“You okay?” He cupped your cheek with his dry hand.

You nodded, speaking out of breath, “It was really good.”

“Good?” He sassed.

“Really really good.” Your cheeks heated and you crossed your legs around his waist. It was an innocent move on your part to keep them from falling but he was drawn into you and brushed against you.

Your squeak and his growl harmonised.

“You want more?” He nuzzled your nose with his.

“I want more.”

He made you promise to tell him if it was too much before he gathered your slick with his head and rubbed it across his dick. He eased his way deeper in and your body went rigid.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Nodding earnestly. “Jus- just big.”

He did not even attempt to be bashful, instead basked in the compliment. “All yours.”

Logan managed to rock back and forth pushing himself further into your hot core and the two of you were in too much pleasure to speak.

Three thirds of the way there he could feel the most resistance but he played with your clit and kissed your neck, your breasts, your lips to distract you from any pain.

He took his time but finally he was sheathed. Logan gave you as much time as you needed, your brows pulled in pleasure.

“Open your eyes.” He begged.

Your lips were glistening, cheeks hot, eyes glazed. You looked truly fucked out and he hasn't been fucked you yet.

Logan kissed you and ever so slowly did his first full thrust, your lips parted in a silent ‘oh’ and he had to thrust again.

The ‘oh’ was not silent this time. With each thrust he sped up and suddenly the two of you were fucking.

Your string of somewhat lucid “oh, ohoh, oh, yes, fuck, Lo.” spurred him on. He would get you there as many times as you'd let him.

He flicked your nipple and you gave him a half-annoyed-half-horny look.

Logan bent to capture your lips and you eagerly met his, your hands - which had been clutching the slight in focus sheets - cradled his cheeks. Treating him with care that juxtaposed the way he was hammering into you.

The kiss ended with you gasping for breath when your second orgasm erupted, it was unexpected but he wouldn't moan.

Logan wanted to last longer he really did but the way your pussy clutched him, suffocated him, made that nearly impossible.

At least he had zero refractory period.

Logan came inside you, where it was warm and doughy, with a bite of your neck. He worked through his orgasm and finally halted his movements. He tried to keep his weight off you but you forced him down, forced him to hug you. Your lips kissing his temple as he caught his breath.

~~

The two of you were sitting on a park bench, people watching. This was quite possibly the longest time the two of you had spent together.

“Look.” Logan nodded towards a young girl that fell. She sniffled at the scraped knee but immediately stood and booted the soccer ball. “She’s got balls.”

“The human spirit is hard to break.” You comment, leaning your chin on a palm. “It’s commendable.”

Logan watched you out of the corner of his eye, again struck by your beauty. He could write essay after essay about you.

“Do you ever wish you were one?” The question fell from his lips before his brain could catch up. Was that rude? Nah, you’d know what he meant.

“Yes.” Your head swivelled to him. “I haven’t the need to eat or sleep, I’ve never been cut or sunburnt.”

“I think that’s sweet.” His lips upturned, tongue swiping across his teeth. “I could take you on a date if you wanted. I know you don’t need to eat but it couldn't hurt to taste something, right?”

“You’d look insane.” That wasn't a no.

“I'll put on an earpiece and pretend I'm on the phone.”

The shy smile you wore was endearing. “I’ve never been on a date.” You bit your lip. “It's a lovely idea but I'll have to decline. The food would probably rot in my mouth.”

“What about the cinema?”

Your eyes left him, landing back on the field, intently watching the humans interact mundanely. “I suppose it couldn't hurt. As long as no one touches me.”

“What if I kill myself and we can make out?”

You had to restrain yourself from slapping him.

~~

Storm knocked once and then proceeded to let herself into his room. “Logan I'm worried.”

“By all means, make yourself at home.” He snarked.

“You are worrying the team.” She ignored him and sat on his bed, plucked the book from his hands and gave him a look. “You're reading?”

“Was trying to.” He swiped at the book but Ororo kept it out of reach.

“Can you explain what's happening? You are talking to yourself, running headfirst into danger and I haven't seen you flirting, not even in jest!” She smoothed a wrinkle in his duvet. “Is there something I need to do? Someone I need to call?”

Logan had had this same talk time and time again. Perhaps he should just tell someone? Poor Rogue had even started to check up on him. He forced out a sigh and crossed his arms. “It's complicated.”

“We're mutants, everything is complicated.”

The two of them sat in silence for a while, merely staring at each other. How should he begin? What would she think? “I'm seeing Death.”

She nodded, “we all have to face death at one point in our lives. I know it's hard but there are people that can help.” Bless her.

Okay, maybe a different approach. “I've been seeing someone.”

Storm's brows met her hairline. “Yeah? This is why you've been worried about death?”

“No. It's- she's-” He rubbed his neck. “I can't die.” Storm frowned at the subject change. “I can't die and she is Death. I've been seeing Death.”

To her credit Storm's face stayed still, she had no judgement or ridicule or even disbelief but she didn't have acceptance either. “Is this a joke?”

“No.” He spoke with his hands. “I've been going insane because I love this woman and she's brilliant and funny and kind and gorgeous and generous. She is not a Grim Reaper, she is sweet, she is the cycle of life and death. It's fucking chaos. She's a literal God- no she's above them because even God's can die. Oh yeah, Storm there's Gods. Plural! And no one here can see her. I look insane because I can and to even touch her I have to be dead. Fuck, I need a fucking drink.”

Storm let the words settle in the air, taking everything he said in. “It doesn't sound overly healthy to get into a relationship where you have to die to hold the person.”

“Gambit and Rogue make it work.” He mused. “She's not a fan, either.”

“Logan, I'm going to need to process everything you've said and I will come back with questions.”

~~

The team were made aware of Logan's partner. It was mortifying but at least none of them could see how actually whipped he was with you.

If you could be perceived by them he'd be done for.

But he longed for it?

It was a strange realisation that now they knew about you he really craved to show you off, yet he was concerned that they'd know you were his weakness.

If you were human, the Brotherhood, AIM, HYDRA, ALKALI and whoever else would've killed you by now just to prove a point.

No, it was better to have you tucked away.

To keep you to himself, however selfish that was.

But it would be nice to have a photo of the two of you.

He had tried to convince you to enter a mall photo booth with him on your date. You adamantly refused because of the tight squeeze.

“I don't believe I'd show up anyway.” You waved him off. “But it was a nice idea, a very ‘couple’ thing to do.”

That prompted him to ask, “are we a couple?”

“Well, literally speaking we are a couple as we are two people but you don't mean that.” You sidestepped a group of teens. “I'd like to think you aren't just seeing me for my body, I know I'm not.”

“Not bending the rules for a good fuck?” That got him the dirtiest look from an old lady. “Sorry ma’am, Bluetooth.” He pointed to his ear.

“So does she decide when people die?” Jubilee questioned, lollypop in her mouth.

The team had taken to asking Logan anything they could about his ‘relationship’. He had answered the same questions again and again. It was boring.

“No, she just takes them to their destination.” He chewed some jerky. The two of them were sitting on one of the many sofas in Charles' mansion. On the floor in front of them, playing the Gamecube, sat Kurt and Kitty. “I think she knows when she's needed but doesn't do the killing?”

“That's trippy.” Kitty spoke without turning her head.

Logan huffed.

“Do you love her?” Kurt’s head swivelled to make lighting quick eye contact.

“Yeah.” Logan rolled his eyes. “Now can you all shuddup? I came here to drink and watch the game and you knuckleheads put a stop to that.”

“Well, they are playing a game.” Jubilee countered.

~~

Once more the two of you were sitting on a bench observing humankind. This time he had taken you to a museum. You told him about each era and how Vincent Van Gogh was hilariously funny, how Frida Kahlo hated socks, you even stated that you remembered a few of Leonardo’s ‘lovers’ as you passed a painting of Jesus.

“He doesn't look like that at all.” You scoffed at the painting. “It's a beautiful piece of art but that was Leo’s boyfriend.”

Logan had to keep his laughter low.

It wasn't until you both sat to take in an astonishing piece, almost the size of the entire wall, that a lady sat next to him. You had to slip off the bench to accommodate, which was something that you were used to so it didn't bother you.

She dropped her bag and a notepad, two tampons and a pencil fell. The pencil rolled over to his foot so Logan picked it up and handed it back to her.

“Sorry.” She pulled an embarrassed expression, stuffing the items back into her bag. “Not the first time I've made a complete ass of myself in front of a hot guy.”

“It's fine.” He shrugged, giving her a forced smile. “Could happen to anyone.”

“It's what I get for trying to be one of the greats.” She gestured to her notepad. “I can't help it, sometimes when I people watch I see the beauty that we have. It's like I have to try to emulate it, I have to at least do a sketch.”

He nodded along politely as she rambled on, pushing her glasses up her nose twice.

“It's a pleasant place to sketch, I guess.”

“Oh, it's brilliant.” She pointed subtly to the side. “Look there, those two on a date.” Logan followed her finger to see two boys looking at a bust, the shorter boy was bright pink and trying so hard not to smile whenever the taller looked over. The taller one took a quick photo of his partner stating that he was the ‘most perfect piece of art’. It was touchingly cheesy. “And there, they're having a hard time and that painting helps them. It provides comfort.” Logan followed again to see a person with short hair gazing longingly at a tiny painting. They had been standing there for a while, ignored by the masses, lost in thought.

“How do you know that?” He could see that she was right, without her words he would've thought that the person was merely looking at a painting but it made sense. Their shoulders had relaxed substantially, they were being comforted.

“Sit on the sidelines long enough, watch enough people, you get good at it.” She shrugged. “I'm Gladys. Before you say anything, it's an old name, yes I'm aware, it was my grandmother's.”

It felt passive aggressive not to say his, “Logan.”

She held out a hand and he shook it. “Nice to meet you!”

~~

“I've been thinking.” You spoke lying on the grass next to him. It was after midnight but the stars illuminated everything just enough to see.

“That's dangerous.” He joked, grinning wolfishly. He had you sitting on his face less than ten minutes ago and was still in a good mood. If only it was on this side, he ached to taste you on his tongue and smell you on his fingers alas the memory would have to suffice. He was fine with that.

“Har, har.” You rolled your eyes, facing the sky. “No, I've been thinking about what it is to be mortal.”

“Okay?” He kept his gaze on the side of your face.

“I don't think you're fulfilling your duty.” You were pointedly looking away from him.

“Huh? I don't have a duty?”

“Your duty is to live your life amongst your peers.”

“Is this abou-

“Is to not waste a day. To live life without regrets. To procreate, to have relationships with other humans, and to love and be loved.”

Logan propped himself up on his elbow, staring down at you. He forced eye contact. Shit. You were serious. “Okay, let's procreate.”

“Don't be stu-”

He lent closer to you than you'd allow. “You are the only one for me.”

You rolled out from under him, sitting up on your knees. “It's unnatural. I'm holding you back Logan.”

“We’ve had this conversation before. Why are we arguing again?” He was completely puzzled. Hadn't you both decided that this was okay? Why were you the one that got to tell him it wasn't? Why couldn't he have a say in this?

“I think we shouldn't see each other.”

“Fuck off.” He reached a hand out to hold yours, you snatched your wrist back.

“Logan!” You whisper-yelled.

“If this is about that lady at the museum, I don't know what to say. I was just being friendly.” Had he made an eternal being, an inevitable force, jealous?

“I just thought that that was a perfectly good way to meet your person. She was pleasant and confident. She should live a long life, she's a mutant so you have that in common.”

“You looked into her?”

“No,” You shook your head. “I can sense things. She had the smell of a mutant and her aura was blue so long life.”

Logan didn't know what else to do, he sat there scanning you.

He knew fundamentally that you were speaking logically. That you had always said this. Always said this was wrong. But it fucking sucked that you'd say it again when he decided to love you.

He didn't know when fondness became lust and eventually love but it had! He loved you.

He'd always love you.

And how exactly could he avoid you?

It was inevitable that he would die again and you would be there to guide him back into the land of the living.

You mumbled so low that even he almost didn't pick it up. “I've assigned you to Thanatos.”

“Unassign me.” He demanded, offended. “What was your game plan? Fuck me and dump me?”

“No.” You shook your head but he could see your internal debate. “I-I didn't intend-I just. I thought it was a good time to bring it up. You were relaxed. I thought you wouldn't mind.”

Oh. He was now fucking livid. “Wouldn't mind?!”

“Logan, you cannot possibly have a life with me.” You deflated, shoulders sagging. “It's not something I can have and you deserve more than scraps. You're worth more than that.”

The sniffle you let out completely floored him. He was no longer angry. He couldn't be.

You were upset.

You were crying!

He had never seen that.

“Cm’ere.” He waved you over.

To prove your point, “you can't hug me.”

Lightning quick Logan sliced his throat and the world blurred. “I don't care if you lecture me afterwards but come here.”

You fell into his embrace and sobbed quietly, Logan rubbed soft patterns into your back and kissed your head. He squeezed you tight and didn't intend to let go ever. He wouldn't. He would stay here forever if it was possible.

Eventually your shoulders ceased shaking and your breathing evened out. He almost interrupted the quiet until he noticed your closed eyes. You were asleep.

You never slept.

You didn't need to.

He tightened his hug and repeatedly kissed your forehead.

~~

When you woke he was watching you. He'd managed to carry you through the mansion and into his room without so much as a stir.

It was easier to make out this side when time was still. The blur was softer.

Logan played with your hair all night, keeping a watchful eye in case you needed anything.

“I love you.” It was a fact. The sky is blue, maths is hard, Logan loves Y/N. You were groggy from your first ever slumber but the words were sobering. He could see all of this in your eyes so continued, “I know it's unnatural, you're going to tell me off and I'm going to argue. That doesn't change the fact that I am in love with you. That I can't see myself with anyone else. You are it for me, baby.”

“I've never felt this way before.” You whisper. Again he almost missed it. “You make me want things I shouldn't. Sometimes I wish I was mortal and that's sacrilege, that's horrid, but it would be easier. We could be together. You've changed the way I see things, Logan, I will never be the same.”

“That sounds like goodbye.” His voice caught in his throat, so he cleared it.

“It should be but I'm not strong enough to do that whilst you're holding me.”

[loganhowlettshousewife]

animal

chapter 4

friendly reminder that i am not a writer, i'm just a girl who loves logan howlett and wanted to write something exploring his animalistic side since i so rarely see it done. my first language is also not english, so please do not be rude when giving me any feedback.

warnings: swearing, drinking/alcohol, mentions of sex, mentions of blood, violence, killing, angst, i hate the pacing of this but i rewrote it like three times and then gave up

series masterlist │my masterlist

after sharing your first kiss, logan becomes much more clingy. he’s attached to you at nearly all times. if you’d thought he was affectionate before, you had no idea what you were getting into. his favourite thing is to press his face into your neck, licking and biting the skin there, but it’s not just your neck. you’ve become a chew toy for a 400 pound man.

he’s never too harsh with it, always gentle with you. he knows you’re not as strong as him. it’s affectionate nibbling, like dogs biting their owners, and you love it because it’s such a clear sign of logan’s happiness.

it reminds you of the early days with logan, where he couldn’t stand to be in a different room as you, though now it’s no longer out of fear but out of a deep desire for closeness and companionship.

and things are good for a while, like that. you enjoy the ease of your unlabeled relationship. he’s yours and you’re his, in every capacity. there’s no need to put an arbitrary, man-made label on your relationship when most of it is quiet, unspoken. you’ve never really had a conversation about what you are, but it’s obvious.

you had thought yourself happy before meeting logan, at peace with the life you’d made for yourself, self-sufficient and doing all the things you loved. you weren’t slaving away at a corporate job, making hardly enough money to support your hobbies, leaving you with hardly any time to enjoy them anyway. it was good.

this is a different kind of happiness, one you’d thought was only real in fairytales. you feel as though he has some sort of six-sense telling him how you’re feeling, when you’re tense or unhappy. he makes you feel like a princess.

but all good things must come to an end. 

he starts to have more nightmares, takes to sleeping in the guest room because he doesn’t want to keep you awake all night with him. more often than not you’ll hear him shouting in his sleep, deep grunts of pain that have you rising from your bed and joining him, hoping your presence will soothe him.

and you like to think that it does. you never get too close to him when he’s tossing and turning restlessly, claws out, metal gleaming in the low moonlight streaming from the gap in the curtains, but you know that logan’s senses are enhanced, heightened, and so you hope that he can feel your presence even while stuck in a nightmare, that you can drag him out of it. eventually he always either settles or wakes up, though both are better alternatives than watching him struggle against an invisible enemy.

you’ve had a few more close calls, where his claws get a little too close, where you let your guard down and lean closer towards him even though you know better, because your heart aches for him.

he becomes more human by the day. he doesn’t tell you when his memories start to come back to him, but you can tell.

you can tell when you get home to find him on the couch with a bottle of whiskey that he must have gotten from the cellar, the one you’d never shown him how to find. it belonged to your grandfather, so you’d gotten it along with the house, but you don’t drink very often and so you haven’t made much use of it.

he takes large swigs of the half-empty bottle, the smell of whiskey on his breath and the taste of booze on his tongue when you go to kiss him. 

you can tell when he becomes less expressive with you, no longer sharing his emotions on his face or with his behaviour as easily as before. he doesn’t bound up to you and sniff you to check where you’ve been, to check if anyone’s gotten too close, their scent clinging onto your clothes. he doesn’t growl when he’s upset or annoyed, just grits his teeth and clenches his jaw tight.

you can tell by the way he holds back his little noises when you pull his head into your lap, scratching at his scalp and tugging on the longer tufts of his hair that you’d jokingly started to refer to as kitty ears. you miss the soft purring, the knowledge that logan was happy and comfortable with you.

sometimes you’ll plan out conversations in your head, acting out how you’ll talk to him and the words you’ll use and how he might reply. but when you try to ask him if he’s alright, placing a hand on his trembling one, sitting down in his lap so he can’t escape, he always shrugs it off. he tells you you’re sweet for worrying about him and kisses you until you no longer remember what you wanted to say.

there’s something happening in his mind that he’s not telling you about, but you chalk up all his odd behaviours to him needing time to deal with remembering his old life.

if his constant nightmares tell you anything, it’s that the memories returning to him aren’t positive ones. there’s a pain in him that wasn’t there before, a darkness that lingers behind his eyes, haunted by things he’s seen. you can’t imagine anyone would deal very well with the onslaught of traumas returning with a vengeance.

he doesn’t stop kissing you, doesn’t stop hugging you from behind, doesn’t stop surprising you by sneaking up behind you and picking you up out of nowhere, making you shriek and giggle. so you tell yourself you’re being dramatic, it’ll resolve itself in time.

it doesn’t.

he goes out to run through the forest, to hunt as the natural predator he was always meant to be, but when he comes back he won’t speak to you. he shrugs you off, locking the door to the bathroom so you can’t meet him in there.

it’s a small thing, but it’s a crack in the routines you and logan have been building together, the wordless nature of your relationship crumbling around you because all of a sudden it no longer feels like the two of you are on the same wavelength.

you cry silently on the couch, head in your hands, feeling like your world is collapsing. the perfect bubble that had settled around you and logan had popped, and now reality was coming in to destroy the fantasy you’d grown accustomed to. you should have seen it coming - in fact, you had, with every night he spent in a bottle instead of on your lips, but you’d chosen to ignore it.

he doesn’t seem to be as in-tune with your emotions anymore, and you wonder if it’s because he simply doesn’t care enough to try.

the through wrenches you in two.

you had given logan your heart, placed it in his rough, calloused hands and asked him to hold it for you. and now you could feel that very same hand, once so gentle and careful, squeezing tighter and tighter, a physical ache.

you need time away from him, away from the house where every corner has memories attached. so you journey into town.

you’re out for a while, walking aimlessly. the streets grow dark, the sun setting in hues of orange and pink behind the horizon, streetlamps turning on to replace the sunlight, though their dim glow is hardly an effective replacement. and still, you don’t return home, not quite ready to face logan.

it’s as you’re preparing to head back, muttering reassuring words to yourself under your breath, that someone grabs you from behind, a hand against your mouth so you can’t scream. you’re shoved into an alley, thin and dingy between two shops that have already closed for the night, their employees gone home to rest, no one around to hear your struggles.

you scream, though the sound is muffled, and cry and kick at your assailant, but he won’t let go. he’s stronger than you.

you think about logan, who doesn’t know where you are, who probably walked out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist, stray droplets of water tracing down the grooves of his abs. you think about how on any other day you would have kissed down his chest to catch the water on your lips, not yet venturing below his waist, though you’ve done other things.

you hope you don’t die tonight. there’s still so much you haven’t done, so much you haven’t said.

and then the body holding yours is gone and you fall to the ground, knees scraping the pavement on your way down. you cry and cry, fear and anger and relief all washing together into a mess you can’t name. you barely notice the sounds of your assailant begging for mercy, or the low growl from your saviour. but you can smell the blood in the air, the tang of iron.

“what the fuck were you thinking?” strong arms lift you up and instinctively you squirm to try to get away, until a hand grabs your chin and forces your gaze upwards. logan’s furious glare stares back at you, his eyes narrowed and jaw tense.

“i- i’m sorry,” you whisper, barely able to get the words out, and you collapse against him. because even if he’s covered in blood and his claws are still out and he’s just murdered a man, even if he’s clearly angry and dangerous, you’ve never felt safer.

he’s quiet the whole way home. he doesn’t speak to you as he carries you inside the house, refusing to let you walk on your own, doesn’t speak to you as he cleans the cuts on your knees, doesn’t speak to you as he settles you down on the couch with a soft blanket fresh out of the dryer, doesn’t speak to you as he makes your tea the exact way you like it.

and then, “wanna tell me what you were doing out there? you know it’s unsafe for a pretty girl like you after dark, you don’t need me telling you that.”

“i just needed some air,” you argue, though there’s not much heat behind the words, staring down at your steaming mug of tea, watching the unmoving liquid as if it’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever seen. logan scoffs, and you can see him in your peripheral vision, looking so unlike the man you thought you knew.

“there’s plenty of air here, we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“you know what i mean,” you sigh, and he stares at you with his hands on his hips until you roll your eyes and continue, “i needed to be away from you! is that what you want to hear? you’re different lately and it scares me because everything was so great for some time and now you’re…”

“different?” he laughs sharply, “yeah, i’ve got my memories back. i remember every awful fucking thing that’s ever happened to me, every time i’ve been tortured. you know how many times i’ve been tortured? you think i’d act the same after that?”

“it’s not that,” you argue, placing your mug down on the coffee table, “we don’t sleep in the same bed anymore! you refuse to let me see you when you come home after hunting! you don’t cuddle up to me like you did before! you used to kiss my neck all the time and now you don’t! you’re just… pulling away. and i know i’m being selfish, fuck do i know it. but every time i’ve tried to have a conversation with you about this you shut it down so what was i supposed to do, logan?”

“you wanna have a conversation?” he shouts, “fine, talk.”

your breath is coming out in ragged pants. there’s a fire in your veins, a fury you haven’t felt in a very long time, it’s intensity paralysing you. you watch logan’s face, the way he stands before you, his imposing figure stretched above yours.

and there’s nothing you can say. the words you’ve been preparing every night before bed for days and days flutter away in a breeze. all you can do is watch his chest rising and falling.

“i wish you would talk to me,” is the only thing you manage to choke out.

“you’re not getting that version of me back,” he says, voice finally softening into something resembling his usual gruff but not unkind tone, “i remember who i am now. so you gotta let go of this shit, or you gotta let go of me.”

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if your name is in white it means i couldn’t tag you for some reason. i’m very sorry :(

[smilesatdawnmain]

ETERNAL LMK AU (Part 4) (Interactive Story)

Had some close ties last part :3 But we have gone with "STAND YOUR GROUND AND FIGHT!"

Lets continue this tragic story, shall we~?

The rules are simple.: I will give the written passage, and then at the bottom there will be a vote on how the characters act next!

Story: Eternal

Ships: Shadowpeach

Angst: You betcha

Fluff: With enough choices, maybe we'll get there.

Macaque smacked their hands away from.

“No! I’m not going anywhere with you!” he shouted, adrenaline choking his words into a hoarse rasp. He tried to call upon his power, to manifest his staff from nothingness, but all that greeted him was a suffocating void where his shadow should have been. He never had a time in his life where he didn’t have his very essence beside him. More than just an ally in combat, it was a piece of himself. To no longer have it to draw from was bone chilling.

Still, he was not going to the Diyu. Not today, not anytime soon. With no other option, he rolled his hands into fists and held them up. He wasn’t completely defenseless without a weapon. He would fight in any means he needed to, teeth and claws included.

“Desperation doesn’t suit you, Liu’er,” the first figure replied, tilting their head with feigned pity. “You’re merely prolonging the inevitable. Denial only deepens the pit that cling to your soul.”

Macaque’s heart twisted painfully in his chest—if it still beat, he wondered. “You don’t understand! I have to—”

“Have to what?” the second figure interrupted, their voice smooth as silk yet laced with a chilling edge. “Have to stay connected to that which caused you so much pain? What are you, Liu’er? A martyr? A ghost bound by grief?”

“I’m not a ghost!” he yelled back, fury igniting within him against the encroaching cold and despair. He did not have to explain himself to these two. He did not have to make justification for his actions. His reasonings were his own. To be denied life simply because he wanted to bring his Mate home- it was unfair. It was nothing but an injustice! And he wanted to be sure his Mate knew that.

“No, I am not a martyr,” Macaque spat, trembling as the weight of his fragmented memories pressed down on him. “I’m a warrior. My fate is not up for anyone but myself to decide.”

The figures exchanged glances, their expressions shifting from mockery to something resembling interest. “Ah,” the first remarked, voice dripping with mock delight. Many had attempted and failed such similar feats. Too many tried to cheat or deny death, and all were quick to realize that there was no parting from it. Dragging another soul down by force was any typical Monday for them.

“Listen, fella,” one drawled, “I’d rather not play this game. You’ll fight us, we’ll overpower you, yada yada-but in the end, I'm afraid you’ll still lose.” The figure’s amusement made Macaque’s eyebrow twitch.

He squared his jaw and prepared himself for whatever they might conjure next. “You think you know my fate? You think you know me?” he retorted, a fierce gleam in his eyes.

The second figure, taller and clad in shadow that flickered like flames, took a step forward, a smirk playing on their lips. “Lets get this over with, hmm? It’ll be the talk of the Diyu when we bring you in. One of the four demon Stone Monkeys, the Six Eared Macaque, the mate of Sun Wukong. The man who avoids death like a plague- yet sent his own beloved there with his own two hands.”

Macaque’s skin prickled, his eyes widening in fury as he lunged.

His fingers clawed through the emptiness, aiming for the smirk that enflamed his rage further. The first figure merely sidestepped, maneuvering with a grace that belied their insidious nature. Mocking, teasing, then standing with utter stillness. Goading Macaque to even try to take a swing.

When Macaque did, his fist connected with the man’s jaw. Expecting the man to recoil, to react- his stomach dropped when the man only smirk. The attack hadn’t even jerked the man’s head back, as if Macaque's punch were a gentle breeze ruffling through his hair. “Is that all you have?” he taunted, rubbing the corner of his mouth with a deliberate slowness. “Such power wasted on a hallow spirit.”

With a flick of his wrist, the figure conjured a dark mist that wrapped around Macaque's limbs like serpents, constricting him, pinning him to the spot. The icy grasp snaked up to his neck, squeezing just enough to steal away his breath. Panic set in, and he thrashed against the bonds.

What power did a spirit have. Nothing without a form. Nothing without a body to command.

“No!” Macaque gasped, fighting against the shadows coiling tighter, each breath a battle. Desperation clawed at his chest like a wild animal seeking freedom, making him writhe. It couldn’t end like this—not here, not now. He needed to- he wanted- there was so much he hadn’t done. So much he hadn’t said.

As he twisted, his gaze caught Wukong. Only but a few steps away, legs crossed and back straight as he meditated. Unaware, uncaring- even if he could see him now, would he even help him? “I-!” he choked up. He was home. He didn't want to be taken from it. He didn't want to continue to be forced to leave his home due to the will of another.

He was scared. Terrified. Perhaps it was just a natural thing to fear death. To fear what you did not know. He feared the cold, the pain he might experience down there.

The isolation and the inevitable punishment they were bound to give him for attacking the Great Monk Tripitaka. He had accepted this fact at the time, so he supposed had no one but himself to blame but... but still...

And more than anything- Wukong.

Did he want to yell at Wukong? Stay with him? End things? Reconcile? He didn't know! But he at least wanted the time to figure it out!

So close. Right there... He was right there...

Previous

next;

[blueishspace]

(Something old and new, borrowed and blue p73)

Jimmy: ... Alright.

*You try to explain what happened to you... it isn't easy, you mix up words, but it is coherent enough that Scott seems to understand what you are trying to say*

Jimmy: And now... now I'm here I guess.

Scott: The game you were in... what was it called?

Jimmy: Third Life.

Scott: ... To be honest, I remember it a bit. We were married, right? And there was a pufferfish. And you died to Tango's...lava game thing.

Jimmy: ...y-yes...how?-

Scott: I won Last Life... I get to keep all my memories of it... And I get to remember some things from the other ones as well. Last Life is the only...clear one in my mind but the others are there, very hazy.

Jimmy: So, what?... I'm not in another universe? I'm just in the future?

Scott: Maybe... maybe It's both. I'm not an expert.

Jimmy: So... Who would remember Third Life?

Scott: The winner. Grian.

Jimmy: ...

*That son of a gun, is that why he was being so weird earlier... he knew and didn't explain!??*

Jimmy: I'm going to murder him.

*Scott laughs at that... It's a nice sound*

Jimmy: ... If you remember then why not team with me again?

Scott: Well, I only got my memories after winning Last Life and Double Life... Well, you had someone else by then. Plus Third Life is way too hazy for me and you didn't remember at all so..

Jimmy: That's fair I guess.

Scott: We haven't really been "married" in a long while, till death do us apart already happened after all.

Prev Next First

[calypsolemon]

I mean ok obviously I'm being a bit reductive here, the situations are much different, but I do think that DR is really making me view Skybound through an interesting retroactive lens.

I think it's very easy to reduce Skybound down to "Jay's being an entitled sexist prick and the writers bend the story to make Jaya happen" Which hasn't really been my read for a while anyways (I think its a little more complex than that regardless of DR's existence), but I think especially with the context of DR and Nya's reaction to Jay now, there's some interesting qualities of her relationship to Jay in Skybound to pick at.

Nya's primary conflict around actually being with Jay in Skybound wasn't that she didn't like him like that, or didn't have any desire to be with him. It's obvious that she did. The problem is that she had to reconcile that feeling with what she saw of Jay's behavior when faced with the possibility of her not loving him, as well as the way all of Ninjago treated her and her potential romantic relationships as nothing but drama fodder, a will-they-won't-they that doggedly pointed to "inevitably, Will." She had to really process what it meant to her that Jay was supposedly destined to be with her, and that when she really thought about it, she still wanted that, and yet the start of their relationship seemingly proved that wasn't a good idea.

I do think Skybound's main failure was that it didn't really succeed in giving that conflict a meaningful conclusion. But that, I think, is where DR (and to a lesser degree, Seabound/ Crystallized)'s Jaya plots really shine. Because now we begin to see a pattern emerge around Nya's behavior and her relationship to concepts of destiny and set roles.

Nya hates being forced into a role. She hates seeing her identity as pre-determined. That's something the fandom often hones in on. But the less mentioned quality of her character, one that's often discounted even as noncanon or bad writing, is that once she accepts a role as part of her life, she equally struggles to cope with having that role suddenly taken from her.

She fought against accepting the role of the water ninja, but once she became the water ninja, she feared losing it again. She railed against the idea that she could ever be put in the same position as her mother, and yet when it came down to it she gave in to the same acceptance of a tragic fate, allowing her identity to disappear into the sea for quite a long period of time. Then, when she came out of that fate lacking her powers, she threw a fit tossing all of her ninja stuff, as if she'd have to give up being a part of the team altogether even though she knew that her powers were never the thing that made her part of the team in the first place.

Nya doesn't want to be told what to do with her life. She doesn't want to be told she doesn't have a choice. But once she makes the inevitable "choice" that life has handed to her, she just as equally does not want to let go. And for understandable reason! You mean to tell her that she fought tooth and nail against a role until finally giving in, only to be told to just accept she'll no longer even be that? That's some real bullshit!

And this is where the DR stuff with Jay comes in. Because this is another example of that. She WANTED to be with Jay, she made the choice to be with Jay despite the baggage associated with that. And she was happy! She made the right choice, she's happy, the universe is happy, the end. Even if tragedy already occurred to them, it was, at least, to her mind, a noble sacrifice for Jay's sake. Another inevitability life handed to her, but it did not conflict with her role as Jay's life partner.

But now..... now, Jay is not lost. He's not gone. He's standing right in front of her, memory gone, but physically and spiritually intact. He just wants nothing to do with her. Just like that, that inevitable destiny, that forever that she thought she at least had the honor of accepting gracefully, crumbles into nothing. At least, if she accepts that's how Jay really feels now, that in his current state he's a whole person with his own autonomy, in the same way she was back when he was acting like her rejection of him was a problem to be solved.

Problem is, Nya doesn't like crumbly cookies. She never has.

DR retroactively making Skybound better by proving that if situations were reversed Nya would be just as Weird About It as Jay was the first time around. well I'm happy for them <3

[blackbatcass]

The Wonder Twins, Dick Grayson & Donna Troy

To The Desert, Benjamin Alire Sáenz / Writing Prompts for the Broken-hearted, Eden Robinson / My Name Is Memory, Ann Brashares / What We Buried, Caitlyn Siehl / Christmas Eve Forever, K.C. Cramm / In the Pines, Alice Notley / The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevksy (tr. Larissa Volokhonsky and Richard Pevear) / Juansen Dizon

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[iamfuckingsorry]

"Do you know where we are going next?" I asked ART.

Y'know what, I think maybe I don't need any more Murderbot books. I think maybe ending things here is fucking perfect and as much as I love Wells's writing I'm genuinely not sure it can get better for me.

Like, so much of the books are about MB learning how to be a person, about becoming okay with being a complete individual with everything it entails. The first thing it does once it's actually allowed to decide on its own is it runs away from it all (admittedly to go on a mission to confirm some things about its past, because it genuinely just wants to be *good*). It shoves all its emotions away as much as it's able to. Then shit happens, and it makes its first friends, makes decisions based on these friendships, goes through a lot of emotionally intense situations...

And we get to this point here. MB having zero doubts about going with ART says a lot about its relationship with ART, but it also says a lot about its relationship with its humans - it knows that wherever it goes, when it comes back, the humans will still be there. Its humans actively acknowledge its struggles with being a now-free SecUnit and MB is willing to entertain the discussions to an extent and share information about its deeply personal experiences. Hell, System Collapse ends with MB admitting it might be somewhat broken, but that's okay as long as it can keep doing its job, and agreeing to basically do counselling - this is the guy what would rewatch its favourite TV show again and again in order to avoid acknowledging it even had Emotions a couple books back.

Reading this, I know that MB will be okay. It has hopes and goals and genuinely believes in itself and it has an amazing support system that its willing to lean on for the first time in its life. I'm convinced it'll go on to do great things with ART. And that's really the only thing I need to know.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

[pussymasterdooku]

.

[jackpotsadmon]

shit like kizuna and distant blue sky are going to be the fucking death of me man

(long kizuna and pokemon rants in tags + a lot of emotional rambling and spoilers)

[noxtivagus]

eulmore ost makes me so happy 🥹