#YES im aware that due to which blog im using. that one of these answers may be biased

[v4visms]

order was determined by me peeking into ao3 and looking at the relationship tags

[erabu-san]

Hello!!I want to start off with the fact that i ABSOLUTELY LOVE your art!!The way you draw characters is amazing,you draw them nearly the same as i hc them

I was scrolling through your blog (the art is beautiful please dont ever stop) and i saw some anons complaining and insulting you for drawing some characters (mainly characters from natlan and sumeru) with different shades of skin.While i dont know much about this topic i just wanted to share my opinion.

Sumeru is based off of middle east,the majority of which has tanned skin (but its very mixed from what i know!).Natlan is based off of a lot of places (which is honestly another sign of racism in my opinion)I myself am from Turkey which can count as both middle east AND Europe (even turkish people dont know what we count as).I have a lot of middle eastern friends as well (Iran,Iraq,Sauda Arabia,Syria…) and they are brown or tanned and one of them is white!

i saw a lot of people say that “not every character needs to be black/brown” and i answer this with not every character has to be white.White,brown,black,asian,native american and every other race exists and every race deserves to be respected.No race should be insulted for wanting representation.No race should be seen as outcasts either.Wether that be white or black,no one deserves to feel like they are not fine the way they are.

I myself hc Zhongli as pale as a ghost to indicate that he is a god (as being pale is associated with being a superior being in chinese culture).I hc Xiao as tanned due to him spending all his time,day and night,fighting monsters.I hc Neuvilette has slightly blue-ish skin bc hes the hydro sovereign.I hc as black bc i like him that way.I hc Alhaitham as brown and so many more characters.Nobody would want to play a game in which there is no diversity.Diversity helpes the characters feel more real and gives them character depth.Diversity helps make Teyvat feel more real,like Earth itself.

But anyways this is just my opinion,i would love to learn more and hear everyone’s opinions.And if someone doesnt like your art they should just block you if they dont want to see it🤷‍♀️ Your art is amazing though so please dont mind those buffoons 🙏

Sorry it this got too long or complicated.English isnt my first language and im still learning

And dont even get me started on the body shapes of the characters

Hii !! Thank you so much ! 😭😭🙏

Yesss I completely agree with you !

And if I can be honest, I wasn't aware of this question of representation and diversity before Genshin Impact. Once, I saw a fanart with someone making a white character black, and in all of my ignorance, I was wondering why (a genuine question). So I asked my friend her thought (because I love hearing her opinions) and she makes me aware about representation in media, and issues they are facing to. And, wow, I learnt a lot ! Maybe it is a bit silly but, I always tend to focus on canon content, and all my HC was around interactions or their behaviour, and I never thought about their body appearance HC. And since I learnt that, my creativity developed a new skill ! So it is only recently I put HC on their physical appearance (like Sethos with dimples KKGEKDJS it ain't that much but it is fun, I guess HC on physical appearance is not my domain)

But it is thanks to Genshin, a game about exploring a whole world with diversity lore in each region, and what representation Hoyoverse used for making their game that I started to be into it. So yes, there is a lot of problem in genshin, making some rep worst. But without this, I wouldn't be able to learn more about SWANA culture with a thread I read on Dehya Nilou Tighnari Faruzan, Japan with Wanderer, Chinese with Yun Jin or recently on Hawai'i with Mualani and even on France United Kingdom with Emilie (i think I also read a thread about GaMing too...?). And what a surprise, I am close to France and UK but I never knew about Emilie's inspiration. Not only on character but also lore, and how some desert name in genshin is also part of culture (I don't remember where I read it tho !! Gosh i wish to reread it again).

I love genshin for its diversity whatever on region or lore but even on gameplay it offers us in our adventure. But I also agree on those who complain about character design ! Not only about representation, but about storytelling in character design (for example, you can't guess Xilonen is someone who forges ; her nails, accessories and hair would be on her way). And it happens that I receive some hate message (on tumblr and twitter. Mostly twitter) saying "this game is not for you, just leave" with some insults that I prefer to not share lol

I agree and also disagree. What do you mean this game is NOT for me ?? Searching our lost sibling, tragic lore, wholesome encounter, satisfying gameplay, vivid color landscape, with great characters, ALBEDO ??? Not for me ?! 🤨 My love for genshin is immense. But, I agree on the fact that.. yes. Indeed, I am not the target for genshin character design. I played a lot of gacha game, and it is mostly based on collectioning waifu with big boobs and big ass (you were a great game, Epic Seven...). When I look at hater's account on twitter, there is a pattern : throwaway account, account full of problematic opinion, or full of porn 2d woman with the basic hourglasses morphology big boobs big butt even on characters who are flat. It is undeniable that most of genshin characters are sexualised, and this, for sell them better. And, making them white is one of criteria to sell them better to those type of client 🙂‍↕️

I study sociology (i am a newbie tho, nothing deep) and I can extend this light analyse on what I learn : the success of Genshin, why there is such a contrast between Genshin players and their different profiles, the benefits Hoyoverse do and how difficult it is to satisfy all players (and so sacrifices are made, like characters design). It is all supposition tho BGKEJGJS but maybe if I do my last year of sociology and still into genshin, why not making my essay on it bahahaha

BACK TO THE TOPIC !!! (SORRY I HAD A LOT TO SAY) don't worry, since this anon hate, I tend to block everyone who try to argue or insult 😭 and just mostly shock how people are openly racist when they are behind a screen WOW lucky me I am not affected by those words ☠️ and all of this just because I draw Kinich black skin or Xilonen with a bit more textured hair...? That's so crazy ! Anywaaaay diversity is great and it works also on creativity too !! World is boring if everything looks the same, and it is also the same in Genshin ! Imagine in 4 years, genshin only released mondstadt 1, mondstadt 2, mondstadt 3.... I believe the game would be dead sooner if it was the case bahaha

And thank you again for all your compliments about my art anon !! I love drawing so much, and it is my source of fun and happinness <3 There is in some drawings I thought "wow !!! I improve !!" And i am so happy when people notice it too! 😭🙏

Don't worry abt your english, mine isn't the best neither BAHTVZJHGJZGAA

[alyblacklist]

Hey, I know you are not feeling the most friendly toward Red and TBL in general right now but I can't help but wonder of Red was right. I mean Liz was killed by Van Dyke (was that his name) who worked for Townsend. Townsend wanted Liz dead because of whatever Ivan Stepanov told him. I assume that was Red's big secret. If so, wasn't Red right about not telling Liz the secret. I mean she has a history of trusting people even though she doesn't know them well. Example: she trusted Jennifer after they had just met. Jennifer could have been working for an enemy yet Liz trusted her because of a biological connection (which she had no proof of). Also, blonde Kat, need I say more. She has proved that she has no sense of loyalty whatsoever betraying Red and the task force multiple times:

1.21/ 1.22 (Though, she had just found out that Red killed her father. I think that can be excused)

Season 3- she faked her death- did she not consider what she would be doing to Red, Ressler, Cooper, Aram, Samar and Dembe or did she just not care ? using gifs to make my point

Season 6- She turned Red in, nearly getting him killed and putting the TF, including herself, in danger. What if the government had decided to disavow all of them??

Season 8- She goes on the run, betraying the people who've stood by her for years and dedicates herself to killing the man who's protected her since she was a kid and has literally traded his life for hers. All of this for a woman who claims to be her mother. She values this alleged biological connection so much she ignores all the horrible things she knows blonde Kat has don.

Liz says she values honesty above all else and hates Red for not telling her things, but she constantly lies to, uses and manipulates the people she calls her family.

Opinions?

Thanks!

im posting this on my blog too.

I've gone back and forth on whether I should even answer this ask because I'm like a week late due to life events intervening but maybe I do need to say it:

I categorically and emphatically disagree with the idea that Red was EVER right in not telling Liz his secret because Liz was somehow untrustworthy. Liz resorted to trusting virtual strangers such as Jennifer and the fake Katarina only after Red repeatedly and mercilessly withheld basic information about HER OWN LIFE from her for years, all the while killing her adoptive father, admitting he "hired" her husband, killing Mr. Kaplan, killing her "mother" as far as she knew until the very end, keeping Kirk and Tom and anyone else who ever tried to get her the truth from telling her to the point that Tom died, all the while telling her it was either none of her business but done for her "protection"....I mean, come ON. She was not a child! She was a 35+ mom of a child who deserved to know why she was in all of this nebulous, supposed "danger" her whole life. She deserved to be invested in Red's plans especially when he expected her to take over his empire. What - she was supposed to do that blind to its purpose? To figure it out from that stupid letter?

Red held all the cards from day one. He allowed Dembe, and Dom and Ivan Stepanov - the important MEN in his life to know his secret and yet he couldn't bring himself to ever tell Liz. This is probably my biggest issue with the show right now. It was like everyone BUT Liz got to know "THE TRUTH." Even in the end - even after his SWORN ENEMY Townsend learned "THE TRUTH" he had to condition LIZ learning it on that stupid letter and his requirement that she KILL HIM? Who does that? Why is that in any way acceptable? We don't know. The only reasons we (the audience) were even given were a whole bunch of none of your business and I'm not sure why I can't tell her. Nothing - NOTHING - that Liz ever did supports how Red treated her in the end. Nothing except Red's colossal ego.

If the bones were really her biological father's as we have been told, she had a right to know that and why.

If Red is her biological mother as they hinted, it's even worse. And no, I still don't accept that as canon but I can't deny that's where they've left us with the teasing. Because then there is no larger motive or purpose to protect her mother or innocent third parties. Then, it is exactly as presented in 8.21/8.22 - all of this only to keep her mother (Red) hidden and Liz "safe" (an abject failure in the end). What a whole lot of death and destruction to protect a woman who wanted nothing more than to know WHY she needed to be protected. Who desperately wanted agency over her own life and deserved to have it. Who was an ADULT with a child of her own.

Even if Red is NOT her mother and is still an unrelated third man (as I hope) it's not much better. Maybe then he's at least conflicted between protecting Katarina/others while keeping Liz in the loop but this again begs the question - why enter/re-enter her life at all? Why keep her in the dark on these nebulous threats when the biggest threat ever seemed to be chasing after the mother she wasn't even aware of until AFTER Red entered her life? She was FOUR when her mother died. She was never, ever in danger unless and until the world learned she was leverage to get to Katarina, which they never would have learned had Red not done what he did for his own selfish reasons.

From where I sit, there was never, ever a good reason not to tell her why she was in danger and what her connection was to Red and to let her be a full invested player in her own future, and Agnes's future. I think Liz could have been trusted if Red would have trusted her. Yes, I get we wouldn't have a show if they had chosen to fill her in. It's the premise. But to see any part of audience defend Liz remaining in the dark after eight seasons because they just love Red/Spader so much that he can do no wrong, nope, I'm not ok with that. As things stand now, there was never a reason for Liz not to know "THE TRUTH" beyond Red's ego. And I guess that is why I cannot look forward to S9 because if he gets to prance around and pretend like nothing happened and it wasn't all his fault, and everyone happily claps while he does his thing, I will still be seething and raging. Liz deserved better. We - the audience - deserved better than for Raymond Reddington to be the "strong female character" of the Blacklist (I can't believe I actually have to type that). What a mess.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Harada Sakura Epilogue

This is my first post of the month, so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon which provides access to my hakuoki blog translations and early access to my postings. Also, please let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my Lookout List since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that I can share…. and if you are able to remove watermarks from a video, please contact me….

Well it’s Canada Day. Hope everyone is staying safe during this time (especially if you’re out West with the heat), and while I could probably write an essay about how I can understand why people will take issue of fireworks and parties today, I don’t exactly think that’s the best way to address the issues going on, though I do feel somewhat compelled to say something. I mean, I’m of an ethnic descent where the immigrants of my common ancestry were subjected to a head tax and were actively targeted by the government for discrimination, so I do have some historical justification for not wanting this particular day celebrated. However, at the same time, it’s because I acknowledge that more than one generation of my family (and on both sides of my family tree) immigrated to this country that my family and relatives have been given opportunities none of us would have had otherwise, or have had the same rights, that I truly appreciate living in Canada, and I know that other people will have similar reasons for doing the same... which is also why I refuse to be an ignorant citizen. I guess that’s partially owed to how I acknowledge that I’m realistic in knowing what change I can affect, but beyond that, I do see it is part of my civic duty to be educated about what happens in the country I live in because I just can’t pretend that everything is all sunshine and rainbows... So, today, like most of the other Canada Days I can recall, I reflect on how grateful I am to be a citizen of the country I call home, and how thankful I am in knowing how far it has come, but I also acknowledge that it still has plenty of flaws and that there are things that still need to be changed so the country is better for “all of us” instead of just ‘some of us’.

 Anyway, this month’s translations are all from Yuugiroku 2.... and this is is my only translation of 『恋秘めし日』 content since I was never able to find any more of these as copy-able text.  

Also, on a lighter note, i can’t believe it’s been more than a decade since i actually watched an anime. i mean, i’m normally satisfied with just reading the manga for something, but my cravings for yuumori content actually drove me to the anime (mostly good and while it was full of feels, im upset that IG cut out the adventure of one student from the anime)... which feels somewhat odd when i consider how ive yet to watch the hakuoki anime or movies. still, for hakuoki, my desire for more content did lead to 2 years of translating lol. 

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 - Harada Sakura Epilogue

Translation by KumoriYami

At the end of our conversation, I took a light breath and raised my head.

A gust of wind then blew, and the leaves over our heads made rustling sounds.

Chizuru: The sunlight is very strong today.

Harada: Yeah. It's nice that the weather's finally cleared up, but...... the hot weather in Kyoto, and this moisture really feels unbearable.

Chizuru: That's true......

As I spoke, I turned my gaze back towards Harada-san......

Chizuru: Ah......

This numbness in my head felt like an illusion.

Was it because I spent so long talking under such fierce sunlight.

I seemed to be feeling a bit dizzy.

Harada: Hey, are you okay? You don't look very good. Are you feeling unwell/sick / Do you feel sick/unwell? ?

Chizuru: I-I'm fine. I just feel a bit cold......

I didn’t want him to feel worried, so I responded with a smile/smiled as I answered——.

My legs however seemed to have lost their strength, and the view in front of me/everything around me began to blur.

Just as I was about to fall and hit the ground.

Harada: Oi, Chizuru, get a hold of yourself!

My swaying body was caught by a pair of strong hands.

Then in that moment/A moment later——.

Suddenly, Harada-san's face became incredibly closer to mine

Manly eyebrows, slender eyes, and even each individual eyelash could be seen at his distance.

Due to how sudden this was, I couldn't say anything as/while my mouth/lips trembled/ and only my mouth was opening and closing/mouth was in a state of opening and closing.

The heat from where our foreheads were touching, and how Harada-san's hand was touching my back were the only things that I was completely aware of.

Harada:......For now, let's check your temperature...... Nn.

Chizuru: Wh-What, Harada-san...... what are you doing......!

I felt/was so embarrassed and could only/was only able to squeeze out that one sentence.

Harada: Recently, a cold’s been going around headquarters. I'm worried that you might have caught/gotten it/infected by it/with it. 

Chizuru: Is, is that so......

Harada-san did that because he was worried about me......

Chizuru: Um, Harada-san. I feel fine/I'm [feeling] fine, so......

Harada-san's expression however became very serious, and he spoke harshly/rebukingly.

Harada: What a stupid thing to say. What are you going to do if you get sick/If you get sick, what are you going to do? Although there's a saying about how doctors don't pay attention to their own health...... it wouldn't be funny if you got sick, as the daughter of a doctor. Besides, if you get sick, you might also pass it on to the others warriors.

That's true...... I couldn't bear to trouble the other warriors with my problems.

Chizuru:......I'm sorry, Harada-san.

I closed my eyes and desperately tried to supress my embarrassment as I allowed Harada-san to continue. 

His forehead remained against mine for a while as he checked my temperature, and finally/but eventually......

Harada:......I'm done, Chizuru. You don't seem to have a fever, and you can open your eyes now.

Harada-san spoke softly as he gently brushed my forehead with his fingers.

Harada: For now, you don't seem to have a cold, so don't worry. As long as you get sufficient rest, you should get better."

Chizuru: I, I see/Ye-Yes. Thank you......

I felt incredibly embarrassed...... I didn't dare look at Harada-san as I bowed my head in thanks.

Then, he showed a deliberate and teasing smile——.

Harada:......But why do you seem to be hotter now than before I took your temperature?

Chizuru: Th-That's because......!

Despite how he clearly knew the reason, he deliberately asked me such a nasty question......

I didn't know how to answer that, so/and I lowered head as I continued blushing/to blush. 

Harada: Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to tease you on purpose.

As he spoke, he put his large palm on top of my head.

Harada:.......Is it time for us to head back now? I don't know if you've been instructed to do anything/told to do something.

I......

continued chatting

brought this to an end <-

Chizuru: We've been talking for a while, so it should be time to return to to headquarters.

Harada: That's true/right. Though, I wish we could still continue this.

However, is it okay for you to go back to headquarters like this? Your entire face is very red.

Chizuru: It, it should get back to normal by the time we return to headquarters..... Can we take a small detour? My face/complexion should be back to normal after that. 

Harada: Well, that might true. But I don't want to see getting dizzy again. So don't force yourself/overdo it.

Chizuru: So-Sorry......

Harada: Don't worry about it. If you’re having a hard time, you can hold onto me 

As Harada-san spoke, he stroked my hair.

Harada: Then let's go back to headquarters, Chizuru. Everyone will be/is waiting for us.

Chizuru:......Yes.

While listening to my still intensely beating heart, Harada-san and I started walking back to headquarters.

-end-

one of these days, I am going to go watch the new Shaman King anime... though im not sure when that’ll be.  

also... for the record, I learned about the Sixties Scoop and residential schools sometime around 2004, when i was still in elementary school so I can unfortunately say that most of the news these days hasn’t really surprised me... and it’s also why I have a very negative bias towards certain entities. 

[haro-whumps]

Box Boy Plurality: 02

Second whumpee won the poll. Be warned, this chapter’s a longer one

CW: Dehumanization, slavery, creepy + intimate whumper, brainwashing, manipulation, illegal business practices

Tag List: @thatsthewhump​ @whump-it​ @ashintheairlikesnow​ @fairybean101​ @finder-of-rings​ @comfortforthepain​ @shameless-whumper​ @that-one-thespian​ @burtlederp​ @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​ @raigash​ @im-not-rare-im-rarr @spiffythespook​ @whumps-the-word​ @frnkieroismydaddy​ @whumpity--whump--whump​ @michelleswhumpyreblogs​ @jo-castle​ @newandfiguringitout​ @lumpofwhump​ @infested-with-blood​

Masterlist

Ren looked up from their work computer, eyebrow arched. It wasn’t time for Yanni to come in and complain about the broken clasp on her phone charm, which Ren would ever-so-generously offer to replace for her. She wasn’t due to notice it until her midafternoon coffee break, since she wasn’t overly invested in checking the thing during work hours. 

It wasn’t Yanni, unsurprisingly, but it also wasn’t anyone Ren could say they recognized. Oh, sure, they’d seen the man’s face around before, but they’d never spoken with him, and they weren’t even sure what department he worked in.

“Mx. Pavlish, is it?” he said with a friendly, though nervous smile. He was an okay actor, though. They could only discern his nerves due to their practice at it.

“Hello,” Ren said, carefully, pleasantly neutral. “I’m afraid I can’t recall us ever meeting.”

“Ah, we haven’t spoken,” he said, taking the somewhat-cramped office chair they kept available for visitors and dragging it over to their desk. “My name is Mike.” 

He offered his hand for shaking, and Ren inwardly cringed at the feeling of his sweaty palm against their own. They took a squirt of hand sanitizer immediately after, and Mike chuckled with a self-conscious little rub to the back of his neck.

“So, Mike, what brings you here?”

“I work in security,” Mike said, and Ren felt every nerve in their body become immediately alert. “I know, uh, about your little ploy.”

Blackmail, then. He was here to blackmail them. They very, very carefully sized him up. 

“And what ploy, exactly, is that?”

“You unplug the ethernet cords to Jasmine’s and Cassandra’s computers just so you can be the one to fix them,” Mike stated, and Ren’s eyebrows shot up.

“You’ve been sitting on this for a while,” Ren mentioned, “I haven’t done that in going on three months now.”

“Wait have you been doing something else?”

“Is that relevant to this conversation?”

Mike chuckled again. “I guess not. But hey, listen, I get it. We all want to impress pretty ladies, right?” He gave Ren one of those nudge-nudge wink-wink kind of smiles, and Ren tilted their head consideringly. Maybe not blackmail? His tone and mood weren’t exactly right for it, but Ren couldn’t rule anything out. “Look, my cousin’s friends with Jasmine, I could have her set you two up on a ‘blind’ date, if you want.” Mike even made the little airquotes around the word. Precious.

“And why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve kinda got a favor I’d like to ask you?”

Hm. Wishy-washy. The threat of tattling on Ren for the sabotage hung, but distantly, left on a backburner that Ren could be aware of but neither would necessarily acknowledge, while Mike offered a perceived reward instead. Ren lifted their finger to their lips, pressing it horizontally along the line.

“I’m listening,” they stated evenly, curious.

“So, I saw you on the news. And your box boy has been, ha, everywhere. And you’re kinda like, the model citizen of whumpee-ownership, yeah?”

Ren blinked slowly, and said, “I might be.”

“God, ha, kinda cagey aren’t you?”

“I prefer to know what I’m dealing with. Continue.”

“Right, so,” Mike shifted in his seat, hands moving from the armrests to scratch at the side of his nose and then back on the armrests, “the law states that pets cannot be held legally accountable for crimes they committed under past owners. The idea is that the new owners will discipline them better, yada yada, behavioral psychology babble, you get the drift. Anyway. I am in possession of a particularly… let’s say, criminal box boy. Defiant and loudmouthed and it turns out he’s been getting into trouble while I wasn’t looking. Ha, pretty embarrassing for a security guard, huh?”

Yeah, no way in hell this guy hadn’t been using his pet to do the things he was too chicken-shit to do himself. It was a smart move, though, Ren would give him that.

“So basically, I need to do some... let’s call it whumpee-laundering. Change hands before the cops get the dna work back. He’s a good lad, y’know, don’t want anything bad to happen to him, much less for him to get locked up. So, howsabout you, oh model pet owner, take him for, what, a week? Two weeks? Just long enough for things to simmer down. I’ll take him right back off your hands as soon as this whole mess blows over, and I will definitely get you a date with Jasmine. Yeah?”

Ren stared at him contemplatively. Definitely not blackmail, this guy was in a bad way, and didn’t want the cops to have custody of a defiant whumpee that would talk the moment it was taken in. He needed Ren to say yes to this deal. But contemplative silence on a man already squirming in his seat worked wonders to sweeten the deal.

“And hey, I mean, he’ll be legally yours, right? So, like, whatever you wanna do to him while he’s at your place, you can do it. I mean, as long as you don’t kill or sell him, I do want him back. But like, if you wanna, fuck, I dunno, chop off his arm or some shit? Be my guest. As long as I get him back alive I don’t care, no restrictions, right? It’ll be fun, he’s got a pottymouth but if you gag him he’s not a bad looker, all things considered.”

Ren hummed, tapping a finger up and down against the back of their own palm, hands clasped loosely in front of their chin, elbows on their desk.

“Say, Mike?”

“Yeah?” he answered eagerly, body jumping lightly in the chair, sitting up straighter.

“I appreciate the offer to set me up with Jasmine, but I actually have no interest in dating her. You’re right; it is the simple act of showing off that I like the best.” Mike visibly began to panic, and Ren took a small mercy on him. “But there is something you have that I would be deeply appreciative of receiving.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I want full access to company surveillance cameras and audio recorders, on my devices, and no record of my permissions.”

“Oh.” Mike blinked, and then grinned. “Oh! Oh, yeah, of course, easy as pie, I can so do that for you. So you’ll take him? Tonight, ideally?”

“When I meet him, I will assess him,” Ren stated. “If I perceive that he is any threat to my own box boy, the deal’s off.”

“Oh, oh no, I’m sorry, I gave the wrong impression!” Mike said with a much more relaxed laugh. “He’s got a defiant mouth but he won’t act up. His bark is way worse than his bite, don’t worry, he isn’t a fighter.”

“I’ll see that for myself, but very well. Bring all of his paperwork with you,” Ren said as they wrote down their number on a notepad. “Text me. I’ll send you my address. Meet there at 5:30, and no earlier. Bring any disciplinary tools you own along with him.”

“Not gonna use your own?” Mike asked with a glance at Ren’s hand sanitizer. 

“Don’t own any. I have the blindfold and sensory deprivation hood that came along with my pet’s box, but I haven’t used the blindfold since unboxing him and I’ve only touched the hood to put it away somewhere in the basement.” Actually, where had they put that thing? “My pet is too well behaved for such things.”

Mike whistled. “Nice. You get an expensive model?”

“Well, he wasn’t cheap. But he was exactly what I wanted.”

“Ooo, custom?”

“In training. His appearance was already precisely suited to my desires.”

Mike laughed and extended his hand again, before seeming to think better of it and he shot Ren a two finger salute. “I’ll see you tonight then.”

Ren nodded in return with a pleased little. “See you tonight.” Ren thought of one last thing. “Oh, and Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you told him that you only plan on selling him temporarily?”

“Ah, no, just recently came up.”

“Don’t tell him this isn’t a permanent arrangement. He’ll be easier to mold, that way.”

“You’re the boss,” Mike said with double pistols, and left their office.

The moment the door closed behind him, they pulled out a notebook and began jotting down a list of pros and cons. Their agreement had been deeply tentative, not that they’d let Mike know that. They would thoroughly scrutinize the concept, and then rigorously test the box boy himself once he was brought over.

The idea of having someone to yank around, though. To punish, perhaps with some of the tools Host had listed in their disciplinary video… Ren swallowed, their mouth watering. Skin that they could pinch and cut and bruise, not deeply, nothing permanent, nothing too mean. Someone they could sink their claws into and throw away in a week or two, leaving their home unblemished and perfect, just Soren and them. Just a quick little fix. Just a nice little treat.

The potential cons outnumbered the pros, but the potential pros were of a much higher quality.

They drove home quickly that night, bidding Yanni a very short goodbye, citing business that needed attending, and they weren’t even lying.

“I bet you just wanna get home and cuddle your boy,” she teased them, sticking her tongue out.

“And I bet you’re going to do the same to your babe,” Ren teased in return, wiggling their eyebrows at her. Yanni giggled and admitted to being guilty as charged, and didn’t whine or cling any longer. See? Convincing her to get her own pet had been such a wise decision. So useful. 

“Soren!” they called the moment they walked in the door.

“Exalted!” Soren called back, and they noted the sound of a hair dryer cutting off. “You’re home earlier than usual!” Soren said as he rushed down the stairs. His hair was still a little damp, they noted, as they pulled him into a hug.

“I am. I have a big evening ahead,” Ren stated, handing him their lunch bag and prying off their jacket. 

“What’s on the agenda, Exalted?” Soren asked, hanging up their jacket for them and following them into the kitchen.

“Tonight, depending on how introductions go, we will be adding a new box boy to the house.” Ren snorted, pulling down a glass and opening the fridge, digging around for their ginger ale. “Well, a used box boy. I’m taking him off a coworker’s hands.” They “casually” glanced over their shoulder to see Soren’s reaction, and he was white as a sheet.

“E-Exalted? I, I don’t…”

“Soren, baby?” they asked sweetly, pretending not to understand.

“If-If I haven’t,” Soren stuttered shakily, eyes wide and vacant, staring somewhere far past the kitchen tile, “If I’m not, pl-pleasing you, if this, is,” he raised a shaking hand to his hair, a front lock, one of the beautiful portions he might have turned into bangs, “is about, what I almost did, I’m sorry, I can do better, I can be better, please, I don’t--I can’t--please, Exalted, I just need to know, just tell me and I’ll do it, I want to, I, I need to, please, just tell me, tell me anything I’ll do anything Exalted please, please, I can be good, I want to be good! I want to, I want to be good, I want to, Exalted, I want to be good for you just tell me please I’ll do anything, I’ll do anything!”

Ren sipped idly at their ginger ale, not bothering to mask their face with concern or pity when he clearly couldn’t see them anyway. God, he sounded so pretty like this. Tears budding up in his eyes, his hands shaking so visibly, his body trembling in a more subtle, yet equally delicious way. It was all so perfect to watch, to listen to as he broke down. They knocked back the rest of their drink and set the glass down on the counter.

“Soren, angel,” they crooned, face twisted up artfully and voice sweet as honey. They gently pried Soren’s hand from his hair and placed it on his collar, which made him gasp, eyes blinking rapidly, immediately grounding him. They caressed his face, then tilted it up. Petting at the lock of hair he’d just been tugging at, they smiled pityingly. “My sweet little bird, no no. You haven’t done anything wrong, pet. I’ve forgiven you for hurting me so badly, it’s in the past my darling angel, weeks in the past. My precious, sweet Soren, shush now, shush. Nothing bad is happening to you. This will be a good thing! Just because I’ll have a new plaything doesn’t mean I’ll neglect you, Soren, sweetheart. And you’ll have someone lower than you on the pecking order! Won’t that be nice?”

“I--I--”

“Shhhh, Soren, shhhhh, shush now. It’s okay, it’s alllllll alright. You’re my favorite, darling, you’ll always be my favorite plaything, don’t worry.”

“Th-thank you, thank you Exalted, thank you.”

“There, there’s a good boy. So well mannered, saying exactly what you’re meant to.” Ren hugged him tightly, too tight, but only just a little. “Don’t forget, my pet. You will belong to me forever. You will kneel at my feet only, you will eat only when I am the one to give you food, you will never set foot outside this house without me and you will never belong to anyone else. You’re mine, mine alone, and mine forever, Soren.”

“Yes,” Soren said, sounding grateful and relieved, just like he was meant to. “Yes, Exalted, thank you, thank you so much.”

Ren grabbed a fistful of hair and kissed him, and he kissed back eagerly. 

“Soren, tell me you love me,” they ordered sweetly, and Soren beamed. 

“I love you, Exalted! I love you, Ren!” He leaned against them and they let him. “I won’t ever love anyone as much as I love you, Ren.”

“I know you won’t, my angel, you’re so good.”

And that was when the doorbell rang.

“Right on time,” Ren mentioned with a glance at the kitchen clock. “Come along, pet, let’s go interview our new potential plaything.”

“Yes, Exalted.”

Mike looked no less awkward standing up than he did sitting down, Ren thought, as they opened the door. He held himself like an adolescent trying out for theater who had no idea how to act and was in possession of limbs too long for his body. Behind him and to the side, a box boy carried his box on his back, looking very much like he was about to be crucified or somesuch.

“Come in,” Ren welcomed, “Take off your shoes.” Not that it mattered. The boy was filthy and bloody. Every room he set foot in would need to be thoroughly cleaned. Honestly, Mike couldn’t have even given him a bath before bringing him over? He really was in a rush.

“Set the box down; let me get a look at you,” Ren ordered. They observed the box boy, a young man with short (ugh) brown hair, too short to even grab efficiently. Nothing to yank him around by, and no time to grow it out. Whatever, they'd just have him wear a leash or somesuch. Brown eyes, tan skin, ambiguous ethnicity. Somewhat muscled, but half-starved and visibly exhausted, so he moved with a weakness. He let the box thunk down on the carpet, and when he raised his eye he met Ren's boldly. 

“Position two,” they said with a snap of their fingers, and they heard a pair of knees hit the floor before they saw the new boy kneel. They turned with surprise and saw Soren kneeling, which prompted them to laugh. 

“Oh no, no, Soren, angel, sweetheart, no. Both of you, position one. Soren, now, listen--haha! You just stand there and look pretty okay?” They pet his hair, admiring the way he flushed with embarrassment over his mixup. “You just stay put right here and watch. I'm interviewing the new boy and testing his behavior, alright? You stay put.” They kissed him and turned back to the boy. He was, at the very least, standing in position one, his chin tilted up just a little too high for submission but that was something that could be beaten into him. “Position six,” they ordered, and he held out his wrists with a silent glower. But, ah, to listen to his breathing, was that fear they could detect?

He was bruised and bloody and tired, in all ways just in a horrible state of disrepair. He would require so much fixing, and honestly that thrilled Ren. They took his barcoded wrist and read off the numbers tattooed underneath it. 843-902. 

“02, huh?” Ren mused aloud. “I think that’ll make a fine nickname for you.”

“Oh, his name is--” Mike started, but Ren cut him off. 

“Irrelevant.”

02’s nostrils flared. “If I'm going to buy him, and I think I will, then the creature he was before coming into my service is entirely irrelevant.”

“Oh, good, you'll take him then?” Mike asked, sounding nervous and relieved. Ren delighted in how much control they had over him, at that moment. 

“I'm not done deciding yet.”

Mike’s flash of nervous panic was so delicious, really. As was 02’s confliction. He didn’t know if he wanted to stay with Mike or be taken by Ren, aww, how cute.

“State your type,” Ren ordered, and 02 snarled. Honest to god snarled. Ren had to swallow, salivating at the thought of how much fun it would be to break that.

“Fff-” 02 choked on his own word, conditioning clearly warring with whatever it was that he was trying to do, and Ren arched an eyebrow. “Fuck you.”

They saw Mike twitch agitatedly in their peripheral, but didn’t pay him any mind.

“Position five.”

02 dropped like a rock, his forehead actually hitting the floor, and Ren chuckled. His Processors had done well with him, whoever they’d been, but not quite well enough. The image was all too clear now. Mike had bought himself a box boy, discounted for his bad mouth, and used his excellent behavioral obedience in order to commit whatever crimes he’d forced the boy into, while tolerating his naughty little words as nothing more than a background nuisance. Or, given the bruising, knocking him around for the disobedience, but never bothering with legitimate training.

“State your type,” Ren repeated, their tone taking a special quality that meant firm disappointment. Soren eeped behind them, and they got to watch 02’s chest seize.

“Combination, Ren.”

“Oh no, darling,” Ren said with a laugh, “You don’t get to call me by name.” They nudged his temple with the side of their foot and stated, “Position two.” Once within range, Ren gripped his chin and forced him to look at them. “You will refer to me exclusively as Exalted, or, if you feel I am in a particularly good mood with you, you may call me Honored One. My name is not to come out of that filthy little mouth of yours. Not until we’ve cleaned it thoroughly. Understand?”

They released his chin but he continued to hold their gaze. “Yes,” he stated, “Honored One.”

“Aww, Mike,” Ren cooed, turning to him. “He thinks he’s cute,” they intoned, sounding very much charmed, like a child had just fallen over while dancing. 

“I know he’s got a big mouth but he really does obey,” Mike assured.

“I can see that,” they said airily. “Come join me in my office, we’ll discuss price and the paperwork. 02, take your box down into the basement and stow it in the back corner of the laundry room, on top of the other one there. Take Position two in the center of the room when you are done, and wait. Soren, heel pet.”

They led Mike and Soren away from the foyer, not checking if 02 was obeying and not needing to. He might hesitate or linger, but Ren knew with full confidence that by the time they were done signing the papers and lightly harassing Mike for the evening, 02 would be exactly where they’d told him to be. 

“Actually,” they said at the door of their office, turning with raised index fingers. “Soren, baby, why don’t you go ahead and get started on dinner for us, mm?” Ren kissed him and patted his cheek sharply, twice. He nodded, worrying his lip, but scampered off to do as he’d been told.

“He’s beautiful,” Mike commented, before Soren was entirely out of earshot. “Even prettier in real life than in the ads, and I mean, wow,” he said with a chuckle, “you know?”

“I do know,” Ren said, gesturing for Mike to take a seat as they closed and locked the door. They pulled up their surveillance cameras on their computer, turned away from Mike, and got their scanner ready to make copies and digital files of the documents. “Did you bring the tools I requested?”

“Sure did,” Mike said, patting his backpack. “Retractable cane, whip, two different gags and a muzzle, which, heh, he hates so much, let me tell you. Handcuffs, too, those too.”

“And the documentation,” Ren prompted, watching him pull them out of the bag.

“You are, heh, quite the presence, you know that Ren?” Mike said as he pulled out a manilla envelope, a cheap blue folder, and some--GOD--loose leaf papers. The fucking audacity, really. The messiness, the lack of professionalism. He couldn’t have haphazardly shoved them into the cheap folder? He really had to go around carrying official legal documents loose leaf? Their BLAW405: Filing and Organizational Systems professor would’ve made a five minute ordeal of tearing this poor, poor fool a new one. Ren tried to make themself pity Mike’s incompetence, because it was just about the only thing preventing them from feeling an unseemly amount of rage.

“Like really, I’m a security guy, you know? I’m kind of hired because not a lot of people intimidate me but you’ve just got this, uh, aura, I guess? Just sorta the way you talk and hold yourself and--oh, yeah, you just, yeah go ahead,” he cut himself off as they took the papers from him and skimmed over them, sorting them into some semblance of a reasonable order to be holding these files in, and read over them quickly but carefully one by one. They were familiar with most of this--they did, after all, possess a box boy of their own--but it never hurt to be thorough.

“I have a certain way with people, it’s true,” Ren commented idly as they shifted through the papers. “Sign here. You’re quite fortunate I am in possession of a notary’s stamp and can forge an impressive signature, you know that Mike?” Ren asked, pulling the stolen (well, illegally purchased. Their mama was a persuasive woman in her own right, and there was little on the black market she could not or would not acquire for her child, at their asking) stamp from one of their locked drawers.

“Oh, fuck, we gotta get a notary for this?”

“Some countries do not require it, and I hear the American legislation on transfer of ownership even varies from state to state, but our homeland is a little more meticulous in these matters. But like I said,” they took the signed paper from Mike and aligned the stamp carefully, before bringing it down with a satisfying thunk, “you’re in luck.”

“You are,” Mike said, chuckling nervously, kind of breathy and rather high, “really something, huh Ren?” They loved his discomfort.

“Mm,” they hummed, pleased, preening a bit, but hey, they deserved to. “Sign here.”

Four signatures later, Ren tapped the stack of papers against their desk, bringing them all nice and neatly in line, and then set them into their copier. “Now, the access files I requested?” Ren prompted, extending their hand. He unzipped an interior pocket in his windbreaker and produced a thumbdrive. “Perfect. You’ll have 02 back as soon as you’re ready for him.” Their copier whirred to a halt and they took the stack of copies from the tray, then slid all of them into the manilla folder, rather than breaking them up like a moron. They held it out for Mike and flashed him a darling smile. “It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Yeah,” he said, sounding a little dazed, taking the folder like it might get up and start moving. “You, you too. Ha, wow, you are efficient.”

“It’s why I have the job I have, and why I lead the life I live.” Ren stood and ushered Mike out of their office, then out of their home. “See you next time.”

“Yeah, thanks again!” he called, and they waved with a bright smile.

“Exalted?” Soren said behind them once they shut the front door, “Dinner will be ready in 40 minutes.”

“Perfect, Soren. I’m going to go greet our new addition, you may come if you want to.”

“Yes, Exalted, I would like that,” he said, wringing his hands anxiously. They placed their palm on top of that worried movement, and Soren stilled instantly.

“Shhh, pet. Remember, you’ll always be my favorite, alright?”

Soren nodded rapidly, but did not appear soothed. Hmm. “A-are you,” Soren hesitated, searching for the words. “Are you going to punish 02 for his defiance, Exalted?”

“I am,” Ren admitted easily. Soren twitched, distress increasing. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re worried for him?”

Soren nodded. “You’ve always been so good to me, Exalted, I don’t want, um, I don’t--I…” Soren pulled on a lock of his own hair, and they shushed him again, caressing his cheek.

“He’ll only get what he deserves, my precious angel. I can treat you well because you’re a very good boy for me, Soren. I’ve rarely had to punish you; you only occasionally fuck up. But my coworker clearly hasn’t given 02 the structure or discipline he needs in order to make him good, so I’m going to have to fix him. And fixing him will require punishing him. Don’t worry, though, pet, I won’t be cruel. The punishment will fit the crime; he won’t get anything done to him that he doesn’t deserve. I promise. He’ll deserve everything that happens to him, baby, sweetheart, I promise, I promise, absolutely all of it.”

Soren nodded again, gripping his collar and relaxing, a little. It was so nice to see him keyed up and anxious. It was so nice to make Mike squirm and sweat. It was so nice, knowing that their own personal chew toy was kneeling painfully on the concrete floor of their laundry room, just waiting for them to go down and bloom a few more bruises across his skin. Perfect, perfect, all of this, perfect. Exactly what Ren deserved.

“Yes, Exalted.”

“Come along, pet,” Ren beckoned, and Soren followed them down the stairs.

02 greeted their arrival by spitting on the floor at Ren’s feet.

“Oh, disgusting little bug, aren’t you?” Ren asked mildly, stepping over the splotch. They gripped his chin again and he glared up at them. “Tell me, 02, which do you consider to be worse? Death, or refurbishment?”

02’s eyes went wide, suddenly struck with fear. Ren of course would do neither, this was a temporary arrangement, after all. But 02 didn’t know that.

“...Exalted?” 02 asked in a voice that was very very very small.

“Answer the question. Which is worse?”

02’s chest began raising visibly, rapidly. Hard to miss, with how thin he was. “D--”

“And don’t even think about lying to me, slave.”

02’s breath caught, a delightful little gagging noise escaping him. “Refurbishment, Exalted.”

“Hm. Then allow me to make something very clear to you, 02. Soren outranks you in every capacity. You will not eat until he has eaten, you will not sleep unless he has first gone to bed, you will not so much as speak if he has something to say. And if you decide that that makes you jealous, or angry, or if you just decide you don’t like my precious boy for some miscellaneous reason, allow me to make it entirely understood that if you harm so much as a single strand of hair on his head, I will personally instruct the Processors to make sure you beg for death before they put you up for resale.” They released his chin with a small flick of their fingers into the soft underside, and were gratified by the little jerk, and the way his eyes stayed on them. “Do you comprehend?”

“You--you’re warning me to keep my hands off your pet?” he asked, fearful and yet still incredulous.

“Of course,” they said, placing a hand on the front of his close-cropped hair and slowly stroking his skull, cradling his head. “Soren is my precious little bird. And you?” Ren moved their thumb sweetly, back and forth, against his prickly hair. “You’re nothing more than some worthless mutt.”

Next

[dolphin-enthusiast]

why tf is there so much of this waifu shit in here just stick to jojo shit

ok so i wasnt gonna answer any of these at first since for some reason today i was literally bombarded with hate regarding waifu anon so i didnt want to start anything bc drama aint my brand lmao but yall have been pushing my limit so im gonna address it for the first and last time

1. you should know that on this blog we do not take ourselves seriously. this entire wedding/wife thing is a silly little thing we came up with (since waifu anon first sent a meme ask months ago “proposing”) and ppl seemed to like the idea so we just...did it?? its not like we’re ACTUALLY getting married irl lmao and i should also let you all know that im posting like 1.5% of the actual asks related to the waifu situation since my inbox literally gets spammed on a daily basis and i dont have the time to answer them all (some are repetitive also) and i dont want to spam my blog THAT much

2. at the end of the day this is MY blog and i get to choose what i post on here whether you like it or not boo, just unfollow me if you’re THAT bothered what else can i say?? i aint forcing u to stay. as you can see i am and will continue being a jojo writing blog but lately i havent been receiving as many jojo related confessions as i used to in the past and i have also been stepping back a little from the writing scene due to a lack of inspiration and also jojo burn out, but i did not give up on it obviously

3. you should try being just a little bit more...non entitled lmao. yes i am aware this is a jojo writing blog but its not like im going to ignore non jojo stuff or never post about my friends/mutuals on here, so if ur that bothered then like i said no one’s forcing u to stay. im saying this also for all the people that have been sending hate today regarding this topic (which i suspect it may or may not be the same person spamming me with this until i answer it like im doing rn lmao)

[msjr0119]

We Belong

Part 9

Evangeline Bruley returns to Cordonia to take over her families Duchy. She was betrothed to the now King, however he is engaged to Duchess Riley but still has lingering feelings towards his first love. What will happen during her time back in Cordonia?

Just using combined tag list- if you want to be removed just let me know 😊

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree---1986 @gardeningourmet @twinkle-320 @queenjilian @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog @princessleac1 @scarletreesex

Wahay I’ve finally wrote a full chapter 🙌🏼- thank you everyone who has asked how I am, I’m getting there. If there’s any spelling mistakes etc, just please ignore it and I’ll rectify it when I can 😘

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol abuse, mention of murder, loss, slight grief, marshmallow Drakey.

*****

Maybe I’ve been foolish letting you down

I’ve been a little selfish not being around

But if I lost you I’d be helpless inside

Gotta hold on to our love tonight

Cause now that I found that someone I believe in

And I feel so complete by your side

It’s the only time I’ll ever love somebody baby in my life

We gotta hold on to our love tonight

I know that you’ve been hurting

The pains in your eyes

I promise you im changing I feel it inside

I dont know what I would do if it all passes by

We gotta hold on to our love tonight

When you find love never let it go

Because now I realise what your mean to me

Cause now that I found that someone I believe in

And I feel so complete by your side

It’s the only time I’ll ever love somebody baby in my life

Drake stayed by Evie’s side as he sung the song in her ear. Holding onto her hand, he became clammy hoping that she would soon wake up. She had just returned from surgery, the doctors briefly explained that it could have been worse, but there was something they was keeping from him as he wasn’t recorded as the next of kin. The next of kin for her was Olivia once her parents had passed away.

“How’s she doing?” Liam asked as he arrived at her bedside. Drake was confused as to why he was here, it was his wedding night and he should be embracing it with his new Queen.

“She’s breathing. She’s alive. They haven’t said much due to me not being next of kin. Where’s Brooks? Shouldn’t you be with her?”

“Riley understands. Don’t worry about her, Hana is with her. Your mom is in the cells with Duke Tobias. I think my country needs me here at this moment in time. Both of them mentioned about this Anton person but we don’t know who he is or where he is. Riley and myself have made a joint decision to postpone our honeymoon. Evie is everyone’s priority. Justin the press secretary offered to talk to Bianca and Tobias believing as an outsider that they may open up to him more, I didn’t really understand why but it worked.”

“Bianca! Toby! I demand answers now! Evie is fighting for her life. It’s my wedding day. An event that neither of you were invited to!” Punching the table in front of him, this gesture made the two prisoners jump slightly- hoping now that they realised how much trouble they were in. Or so Liam believed.

“I didn’t mean to stab her Liam. We have a past, I wouldn’t hurt her again.”

“Oh course you wouldn’t.” Bianca responded sarcastically. Not giving two damns about him pining for Evie, like her son.

“Shut the fuck up! You don’t know anything about mine and Evie’s relationship.”

Bastien interrupted the conversation, explaining that Justin was outside urgently needing to talk to Liam.

“Justin? How may I help you?”

“I heard about what had happened? Is her majesty okay?” And alive, fucking useless morons.

“Yes, luckily. But it’s my dearest friend Evie that got the wrath of it.”

“As I am Riley’s press secretary, maybe I could have a word with them both? They may speak to me more as I’m not the King.”

Liam agreed, not knowing if they would open up or not. Justin explained that he would enter without company and if there was any danger he would exit the cell immediately.

“Now I know how you could mistake two beautiful brunettes- but you stabbed the wrong one! What happened?”

“I did as planned, I saw the Queen and I had the knife in my hand ready to threaten her. But my ex fiancée Evangeline was forced into me by her. She’s a liability Anton. She’s always drunk!”

“Bianca, you want revenge on the crown but as Toby said, you’re a liability. When am I going to have chance to take the royal family out now?”

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’ll try harder. We want the same. I don’t understand your reasoning though Duke Tobias.”

“I haven’t really got any vendetta, I’m just in it for the money. Myself and Liam were friends as children. Our parents were allies. Then we drifted apart. Anton can you get any information on Evie for me please.”

“You don’t deserve any information. So plan D. We failed to kill Riley because your son jumped in front of her, the roof didn’t kill anyone and they all went on that stupid unity tour, you both cocked up plan C.”

“Plan D?” They both said in unison.

“Plan D, I will inform Liam that one of you are totally innocent with the tragic event that occurred tonight. One of you will be let free. I will get the crown with or without your help!”

Exiting the cell, he informed the guards to separate the two prisoners as they began a fight. Lying, he faked shaking- making it out that he was a hero getting a slight bit of information.

“So?” Liam asked, still frustrated with the events that had happened.

“Your majesty, I’m so sorry. You have a traitor within your ‘court’. One of them is innocent, they are sincere. The other one is mentally not stable. This person is the ringleader and they were involved in every assassination attempt that has occurred. The one that injured Sir Walker, the one that nearly killed your father when the roof collapsed, then tonight.”

“Which one Justin?”

“Sir, the innocent party in this is.....” Whispering in his ear the name, Liam grit his teeth. Anger raging through his body.

“Thank you for your help Justin. I have to go and visit Evie. If the press require a statement, could you inform them that there is no comment at this moment in time? I’d appreciate that. I’ll deal with them tomorrow.”

“Of course your majesty. Anything.”

Liam reiterated his point of view from the interaction in the cells, Drake shook his head, ashamed to have a mother like her.

“What’s going to happen to my mom Liam?” Drake wasn’t concerned about his mother’s punishment- as far as he was aware she was now non existent with her confession regarding the Bruleys and the involvement in Evie’s attack.

“I’ll leave that decision up to the council, and Evie when she pulls through. Do you want a coffee?”

“You’re trying to make me leave her aren’t you?”

“You have your own mind Drake, but you look knackered. Max has brought you some spare clothes too. We will be five minutes tops. Olivia can come in and sit with her.” Drake nodded, knowing his friend was correct in some manner. He didn’t want Evie to wake up, seeing him wearing a suit that was covered in her blood, potentially traumatising her more. Kissing her on the forehead, Liam’s heart sunk- seeing his best friend broken in front of him. Realising how much love Drake had for Evie, he had hoped that she would forgive him for his silly mistake.

*****

Olivia entered the room, asking for time alone with Evie without Maxwell being a burden breaking down even more.

“You’re not superwoman you know Evie, I know Drake fucked up- but he loves you. I hope your stubborn ass will forgive him. I hope there’s no recording of me saying this, I still hate him.” Laughing to herself, she hated seeing her best friend in this way- ready to cause havoc if she ever saw Bianca Walker and Toby again.

“Duchess Olivia I assume? My name is Dr Hussain. May I have a moment of your time please.”

“You assume correct. What is the matter?”

“On our records you are Duchess Evangeline’s next of kin. I assume Mr Walker is close to her, but I have to let you know about her injuries.”

“Go on...”

“We stopped the bleeding from the open wound, however there was more bleeding from elsewhere. Was Duchess Evangeline aware that she was pregnant?”

“Was?”

“Yes, unfortunately once we realised the possibility of why she was bleeding we did an ultrasound - there was no heartbeat.” Olivia remained silent, not knowing how to comprehend the news- looking at Evie, her heart shattered in pieces for her.

“Dr Hussain, can we not inform her straight away about the miscarriage? She’s been through enough, I’m sure King Liam would agree.” The doctor explained that he would have to inform his patient before discharging her but agreed for the time being to remain mute- he also explained the outcome of what was due to happen once the miscarriage was fully over. As Evie couldn’t consent on what to do regarding her miscarriage at the moment, there was three options; wait for her body to naturally remove the baby, take a pill, or have a surgical removal of the baby.

Leaving Olivia alone with Evie, she wiped the tears that were pouring down her cheek- thinking about what the best option was for her friend.

“Look at what you’ve made me do now, I’m crying- I’m Olivia Nevrakis I never cry. I forgive you for puking in my Prada bag- or do I? I can replace that, but I can’t replace you. For fuck sake Evie, in future just stand in the corner of the room like your lover and not interfere with anyone. Or at least leave it to someone like me- who actually carries self defence weapons in case of emergencies.” Hearing the door open, she grabbed a tissue and over exaggerated blowing her nose- hoping this would be a good enough excuse for why her eyes were watering.

“Liv? Is everything okay? Are you crying?”

“Me cry? Ha! Don’t be stupid Walker. It’s dusty in here, not doing my allergies any good. Where’s Liam?”

“He’s on the phone to the kings guard, something about Toby or my mom.”

“Good! Well not good. Just sit with me.” Drake hesitantly sat beside her, wondering why she forced his hand onto Evie’s.

“Drake, I don’t like you. I never have done, and I probably never will do. But you two belong with each other. There’s something I need to tell you....” Taking a deep breath, Drake noticed tears creeping from the duchesses eyes. “Evie was pregnant. She lost the baby. I’m so sorry.”

“She... my baby... I...it’s my fault...” Pulling him into her embrace, she was grateful that there was some hand sanitiser near by- not that Drake had germs, she just didn’t like him or his heavy whiskey scent.

“It’s not your fault Drake...” although you publicly dumped her, and your mother caused this- but I won’t say that out loud. “I’ll leave you alone with her, looks like you have a lot of grovelling to do. If you need anything just let me know.”

“Thanks Liv, but you know I still hate you right?”

“The feelings are mutual Walker.” Winking at him, she provided him with a smile- a genuine sincere smile. Something that he never believed he would receive from his worse enemy.

Cause now that I found that someone I believe in

And I feel so complete by your side

It’s the only time I’ll ever love somebody baby in my life

We gotta hold on to our love tonight

“Hold on to our love forever, please wake up soon. I love you.” Drake placed one hand into hers, and the other lingering over her stomach. Attempting to fight back the tears, he couldn’t prevent them from falling. I’m so sorry.

*****

Drake fell asleep, leaning over the bed- his emotions had got the best of him. All the what if’s still roaming through his subconscious mind. The guilt hammering and stabbing him constantly in his heart. Evie began to stir, the bright light preventing her eyes to open fully.

“Drake?” Her voice was hoarse, his name barely escaped her chapped and dry lips. Pressing the buzzer next to her arm, she wanted assistance due to him being ‘crashed out’. The three friends waiting outside rushed in first after hearing the alarm. Panic setting in, wondering if Evie had potentially had a sudden relapse.

“Evie!” Maxwell screeched, waking Drake up from his slumber.

“Is there a problem?” Dr Hussain questioned as a team of staff rushed in all breathless.

“I pressed... it... I... you can... all go...I don’t want any visitors.”

“Evie? You need us here to help you.” Liam insisted- instead of responding Evie looked into Drake’s eyes, before brushing his hand away and focusing her gaze elsewhere. Not making any eye contact with any of her friends.

“I just want to be alone.”

“I think you should all leave. If Duchess Evangeline changes her mind regarding visitors we shall let you know.” Liam tapped Drake on the shoulder, his body was all frozen- not expecting for her to react this way. Escorting him out, he asked Maxwell and Olivia to sit with him.

“Dr Hussain, a word outside if I may?”

“Duchess Olivia informed me about Evangeline’s miscarriage. I don’t know about hospital policies but I am begging you as your monarch to not inform her about this. It has to come from Drake, the father of the baby. I will ensure that none of the staff will be blamed for this deceit and will get you to fill a form out. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, your Majesty. I will keep Duchess Olivia upto date with news regarding discharge if she still refuses to see anyone.”

*****

Three Weeks Later:

Liam entered the Duchy, not knowing what to expect- not knowing how Evie would respond to him showing up unexpectedly. As he was King, he knew she didn’t have the authority to throw him out as she had done everyone else over the weeks since returning from hospital.

Remember Liam, don’t tell her about the baby. That shouldn’t come from you.

I know Liv! I’m not stupid! I just want to make sure that she is okay, that she is eating and looking after herself.

You should be on your honeymoon with Riley. Leo’s sorting out Toby and Bianca. Evie is not your concern Liam.

She’s still my best friend, and if she is willing to talk to me - I’m going to talk to her. Riley understands. I’ll keep you updated. You check on Drake.

“Hello Evangeline.” Looking up from the kitchen table, she sighed as Annabelle the majordomo escorted Liam in.

“Your majesty.”

“Evie, come on. No titles required.”

“Liam.” Emphasising his name, she stared vacantly into the black coffee as Annabelle excused herself. Liam had hired her against Evie’s wishes, but she had been closed off from everyone- not allowing anyone to see her.

“Shouldn’t you be on your honeymoon?” She questioned with a slight bit of sarcasm in her voice- not really understanding why he was here, again.

“Should be but I’ve had a lot to deal with, and we need to make sure you are fine.”

“Oh I’m fine. A stab wound to add to the bruised ribs. Danger just loves to follow me around.”

“Exactly, so you need to allow us to see you. You need to talk to Dr....”

“I do not need to talk to Drake. He’s the reason why I’m like this. His mother is the reason I am like this. End of story.” He needs to talk to you.

��How about I make us something to eat, then we can watch titanic. I know I’m not Max. But I can cry like he does.” Liam faked crying, very over dramatically- providing Evie to laugh for the first time in weeks. And there’s that beautiful smile, baby steps. Liam managed to fix a meal together for the two of them, finding pasta and sauce in the cupboard it was a basic meal. Evie hesitantly ate it, but he could see that she was being stubborn. Smiling softly at her, gave her the encouragement to eat it all. They settled on the couch, and as promised he put titanic on. They spent the entire movie sitting close to each other, Liam kept his arm around her as she snuggled into his embrace. The cuddles they shared felt like a little touch of heaven- content with each other like when they was younger. Even though he was married with a pregnant wife, Liam had wished that he could extend his stay just so he could stay close to her for longer, keeping her safe in his arms and embrace. It was the closest anyone had been with her, and he felt relieved that someone could make her finally open up- even if it was just her arms wrapped around him. Cupping her cheek, he felt a dampness in his his fingertips- now realising that she had been crying once the film had ended.

“Evie?”

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Liam. Thank you for coming. I now understand that this is probably what I needed.” Liam drew closer towards her, she could feel her heart beat so hard- scared that he would feel it. Kissing her softly on the cheek, left a small damp mark- knowing this was his way of being polite, a sign of their long term friendship she didn’t read too much in to it. A small grin crept onto his face as he pulled away silently. His eyes locking on to hers as her cheeks painted themselves a bright shade of red. Unexpectedly his lips brushed hers not in an innocent manner it was more passionate and demanding. Knowing deep down this was wrong, she needed to pull away before she lost herself in to him- but she couldn’t. It was as if all her senses had disappeared, she couldn’t think straight. Guilt. Guilt was the devil on her shoulder encouraging her to resist the soft touch of the King. The angel suddenly forced its way into her mind, making her push him away- knowing she had crossed the line. She was now a hypocrite calling Riley the ‘court whore’.

“I... I think you should... go.” Shaking his head, he blatantly ignored her suggestion. Instead he stood up, holding his hand out to her- leading her upstairs.

Fuck, startled she sat up in bed in a shot, sweat dripping off her forehead. Why am I dreaming about Liam?

“Are you okay your grace?”

“Yes, thank you. Sorry if I woke you. And please just call me Evie. I’ve been telling you this for weeks now, I’m sorry I was horrible to you when you first arrived- I was more angry towards Liam than you for his deceit. I’m happy he hired you on my behalf now, so please- we are friends. I’m Evie to you, not your grace.”

“Sorry, Evie. How are you feeling? Do you need me to do anything for you?”

“No, thank you - Annabelle. When’s the council meeting?”

“This afternoon at 1pm. His majesty called by late last night to remind me. He was occupied by Duchess Olivia and Sir Walker.....”

“Good evening Annabelle, is Duchess Evangeline available?” Annabelle opened the door allowing the visitors to enter the Duchy. Curtsying for Liam, she regained her normal posture before biting her lip- nervous that she was once again going to have to refuse them from seeing Evie.

“Your majesty, she is asleep. She still isn’t up for visitors. May I help?”

“We was hoping to speak to her, but it’s okay. The council meeting tomorrow is at one o’clock- if the Duchess is going to be attending could you inform her please. If she doesn’t attend we all understand.”

“Of course your Majesty. Is that all?”

“Is she eating?” Olivia asked, that was her main priority over the council meeting. Ensuring that her stubborn friend wasn’t killing herself out of spite.

“Yes your grace, I ensure that she is looking after herself. To begin with she was very withdrawn, and still is in some context. Sir Walker...”

“Just call me Drake. Please.”

“Drake... I know you need to talk to her personally, but give her time. She’s been through a lot- she will eventually become the Evie you all once knew. Healing takes time.”

“Maybe we should just send Drake upstairs, beg on your knees for forgiveness. Like a dog.” Olivia narrowed her eyes at Drake, the last few weeks she had been like a stuck record- drilling into his head how much he messed up.

“Liv, don’t you think I know that. I just want her to look at me, to talk to me. I fucked up and I want to make amends with her.”

“You’ll have to kiss and make up brother. You must be a better kisser than I was as she chose you. As Annabelle suggested healing takes time. Thank you for your time Annabelle. You’re doing a marvellous job. Goodnight.”

“I did as you said, explaining as I have done since King Liam hired me that you didn’t want any visitors until you was ready.” I know you did Annabelle, I was stood in the shadows overhearing the conversation. Maybe that’s why I dreamt about Liam kissing me?

“Thank you. Shall we go out for breakfast? Change of scenery? My treat as a thank you.”

******

Evie arrived at the palace unusually late- usually she was like Bertrand, insisting that meetings or events you had to be punctual. Walking fast, her breathing was heavy but she believed it was also due to nerves- nerves that were self inflicted as she had chosen to ignore everyone. Forcing the door open, the room went mute all of a sudden. Everyone mirrored the same expression, a big smile.

“Sorry I’m late, stop gawking at me. I’m not a ghost, not yet anyway- maybe next time.” Seeing Liam raise his eyebrows up with her ‘joke’ she sat next to Olivia, who held her friend’s hand. “Carry on Your majesty. I won’t interrupt.”

“It’s nice to see you Evie, I’m sure we can all agree. You showed up at the right time actually, we was about to discuss the punishment options for Bianca Walker and Duke Tobias. We want you to have the final decision as you was affected.”

“Toby can have his dick chopped off for all I care, and exiled out of Cordonia. And for that woman- I think she should face the death penalty.” Everyone provided her with the same look- shock. Obviously they knew she would have anger, but didn’t expect that from the kindness noble they knew - if anyone it would be Olivia that they would expect it from.

“I’m joking....” or am I? “Toby is British, simple- send him home. But with Bianca, I have one suggestion. Not many of you will agree with me, not many of you may like her- but she is still Drake and Savannah’s mom. She tragically lost Jackson, she’s dependent on alcohol. I’ve never had an addiction, but it must be hard to be so reliant on it. Maybe she just needs some rehab and counselling, to become the Bianca- the caring mother, the welcoming friend, we all knew when we was younger. Bartie doesn’t want to see his grandmother the way Drake and Savannah saw her for the majority of their childhoods. She’s not only a mother, but a grandmother to a gorgeous little boy who will want all his nanas attention before they have anymore children- she needs help.” They all gulped, all knowing that Drake hadn’t had the opportunity to tell her about her miscarriage. On behalf on Evie, they agreed with the doctor to allow her body to naturally remove the baby, if she was to question it, Dr Hussain suggested that it was an early period brought on by stress- going against all morals, he didn’t have a choice to rebel against the decision as he was surrounded by nobles and the royal family.

“Liam, can I have a word with you in private please? I’m sure Bertrand could carry on?” Liam nodded, escorting Evie out- he wondered what was on her mind.

“How are you feeling?”

“Where’s Drake? I’m just a bit sore, I had this awful cramping in my stomach- and a heavy period, sorry too much information.” Placing his hands around her waist, he knew what exactly she was referring to- feeling guilt ridden he needed to keep providing that infamous stoic expression as he held her in his arms.

“I’m glad you’re okay, I just wished that you would have seen us all before now. Drake... he’s... he’s not very well.” Oh great, just lie to her yet again. I’m going to have no balls left, once she finds out the truth.

“I see, could you take me to the cells? I’m not bothered about seeing Toby, but I need closure with Bianca.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?”

“Please Liam.”

******

“Bianca...” Evie nervously announced herself into the cell, followed closely by Liam and Bastien. All the hate she had towards the woman, slowly drained away- seeing her in this vulnerable state obviously not having any option but to cold turkey. Bianca bit her nails, her whole body was trembling- until she saw the people enter. Correcting her posture, she knew she had to act ‘sane’ in order to have any chance of escaping any punishment.

“Your majesty, Duchess Evangeline.” Faking a smile, she had lost count of how many days she had been here in the cold yet damp cell. If it wasn’t the rats scurrying past her, she heard the echoes of the guards conversations. “It’s good to see you alive Evie.”

“I’m like a cat, with nine lives- except I’ve only got seven left. I assume that you are wondering why I am here?” Bianca scowled at her, before nodding. “At the council meeting, Liam wanted myself to have the final say about your punishment as you harmed me. Then blamed Toby for it all, you must have forgotten that the Queen was a witness. But anyway, I originally wanted the death penalty. You hurt your children, you lost your husband because of your addiction, you potentially could have killed me. How many more people do you want to hurt?”

“I’ve hurt a few more. Not purposely. One being my own grandchild.” And your parents.

“You’ve hurt Bartie? How low can you stoop?”

“Evie, I think it’s time we left. Bianca, Evie has decided to save your life as long as you agree to counselling and rehab. That was her decision, if you ignore the conditions you will leave me no choice.”

“Why are you changing the subject Liam?”

“I’m not...” Don’t you fucking dare say what I think you are about to, it has to come from Drake.

“Oh Evie, it was fate that my grandchild that you was carrying tragically didn’t want to stay with you.”

“Bianca, I have no idea what you are on about.”

“Ask your precious King Charming if it’s true...” Evie looked towards Liam who was scowling towards the woman as Bastien covered his hand with his mouth, as he shook his head with Bianca’s malicious attitude.

“Li?”

“Evie... fuck. We didn’t want you to know once you’d woken up, you’d been through so much. I’m so sorry. Drake wanted to talk to you, it was between the two of you. We’d assumed you would have let him talk to you.. not shut everyone out...”

“I.. I... we.. we was having a baby? She made me miscarry?”

“As I said it was fate.” Cackling in the background, Evie soon regretted sticking up for the woman in the meeting- her hate had immediately returned with vengeance.

“Liam, I’ve changed my mind. Stick to my original decision- death... I need to find Drake.”

*****

Exiting the cell, she felt as if she was about to hyperventilate. All these weeks, none of her friends had mentioned her true injuries- although she had been avoiding them. Catching her breath, she knocked on his door- not really knowing what to do or say. Believing that everything that was to occur would be spontaneous.

“Go away Liam.” Hearing his voice through the walls, he sounded broken- assuming it was due to her actions, she took a deep breath.

“I was just wondering why you wasn’t present at the meeting.” Hearing the door open, they both stared at each other- neither knowing how to elaborate on this conversation.

“I erm. I wasn’t feeling up to going. Are you okay?”

“Can I come in?”

“I’d rather you didn’t Evie....”

“We need to talk.” Forcing her way through the door, she noticed three empty bottles of whiskey- assuming there would be more if she scrutinised the room. Feeling ashamed with himself, most people would criticise him- but in his mind this was the only way to heal the pain he had gone through alone.

“I’m not an alcoholic...” Defending himself, he hoped that she wouldn’t send him to rehab. Hoping that if he could talk to her and explain his reasons that she may understand.

“Whiskey to you is like tap water it doesn’t affect you. I’m not criticising you Drake. You might want to shave soon though.” Smiling at him, her heart fluttered. Even though he had hurt her, she still cared deeply for him- and always would do.

“You don’t like this look? I think I’d suit a bit of a beard...” Winking at her, she laughed-even if it was quietly he still heard it, not wanting to say anything to push her away he made the decision to let her begin the conversation.

“Actually it does suit you, I’m just used to not seeing you with more than a bit of stubble...” Tracing her fingers along his forming beard-that spark returned with this slight touch. Quickly removing her hand, she saw disappointment in his eyes, but she couldn’t go back to where they was prior to the wedding shower. “So, I saw your mom....”

“Why would you see her? Don’t you ever see her again! Promise me Evie.” She’s a maniac.

“I saw her to personally inform her of her punishment for her harming me....” Pausing, she needed to say more- taking her time, she finally finished her sentence off. “...and our baby.”

“How... how do... you know? I wanted to talk to you about it, but....”

“Your mom blurted it out. I’m so sorry Drake. If I knew... I’d have... I would have... we could have supported each other...” Pulling her into his embrace, she didn’t want to cry in front of him- most people would say it was tragic, that it wasn’t a baby- but to them they would be grieving over the loss of their future together.

“I’m so sorry... I’d have looked after you both, I’d have provided for you both, I’d have loved you both with all my heart.”

“I know you would have done... I’ve got a few things to do, we could meet up tomorrow and talk properly?”

“I’d like that. I wrote you a letter, I wasn’t sure if you was ever going to speak to me again. Here.”

“I’ll read it when I get home, come to mine tomorrow- say brunch time?”

“Sure.” Evie gave him a half hearted smile, walking towards the door- he grabbed her wrist.

“I love you.” Not responding back, she slowly closed the door behind her. Pausing outside in the hallway, she immediately regretted not saying those three words back. Opening the door slowly, she witnessed him pouring the whiskey down the sink- wondering if he was feeling okay. Wondering why he would do that?

“I love you too Drake.” She whispered, before exiting the room once more.

******

Arriving back at her Duchy, Annabelle welcomed her as always. Sitting in the kitchen, her fingers traced the white envelope- hesitating whether to open it or not. Annabelle gave her a coffee, whilst looking at her confused- Evie noticed and decided to confide in the woman sat next to her.

“Drake gave me it, he said he was unsure if I would ever speak to him again. I assume you know about the baby?” Feeling guilty that everyone knew apart from the mother herself, she nodded. “Do you think we’d have made good parents?”

“I believe you would have, no doubt about it. He seems to care a lot about you.”

“Do you have family or friends here in Cordonia?”

“Yes ma’am, not too far from here. Why do you ask?”

“Once you have finished, why don’t you go home and have tomorrow off? I’m fine, if I need you I’ll will contact you.”

“Thank you. I’ll be back early Friday morning.”

“Goodnight Annabelle, and thank you for all your help. I’m going to go upstairs.”

Walking upstairs, she entered the master bedroom. Pulling the dress out of the wardrobe that she was wearing at the royal wedding, the tears that she had so cleverly kept hidden now rushed out like a burst dam. Opening the letter, her mind was flooded by his scent.

Evie, Lina. You’re probably reading this because you are refusing to acknowledge me, not that I blame you one bit. I’m not writing this for you to feel sorry for me, I just need to communicate with you in some way. There are things I need to tell you, things that probably should be said in person. I never wanted to let you go, I love you so much that it hurts. My Mom is poison and always will be, at times I wish she had died rather than my Dad- I know I’m a horrible person for saying this. In my stupid mind, I thought losing you would be for the best, to protect you. Then the night of the wedding, I could have potentially lost you for good- never having the opportunity to tell you how I truly feel. I don’t deserve you, I never have done- I’m just Drake the commoner, who is best friends with the King. The King who gave me a title out of pity, not because I deserved it or earned it. I’m not sure if you know this, but your parents made me heir to your Duchy if anything was to happen to you- could you imagine? I hate nobles. Except Liam and you obviously. Even though you have survived, I still lost a bit of you- a bit of us both. Super spunk here managed to get you pregnant, but we lost our baby. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t protect you both. I’m sat here crying because I just want to hold you in my arms, telling you that everything is going to be okay- that I’m the biggest jerk alive. If you ever decide to talk to me again, I will fight to win your love back- I want a future with you and without you in it my future is bleak. If you just want to stay friends, I suppose having you in my life as a friend is better than nothing at all. I love you so much Evie, and I’ll never stop loving you. D x

Wiping her tears, they just kept appearing- then her thoughts lingered on her parents choice of heir.

“Was you really that desperate for an heir that you’d choose Drake Walker? Seriously?” She managed to laugh in between the tears. “It’s a good job that I’m a fighter, that I decided it wasn’t time... no wonder in my dream Jackson persuaded me to not give up, he knew that Drake wouldn’t cope..” My grandchildren. Grandchildren? Was that my subconscious informing me that I was pregnant? Or was it really Jackson, Mom and Dad? I need to see Drake. Now. Not tomorrow.

Grabbing her coat, car keys and bag- she ran downstairs needing to get to the palace as soon as possible. Hoping that Drake would still be there, if not the only other place would be his cabin. Opening the door, her eyes widened.

“What are you doing here?”

[faemytho]

Can,, Can people design their ocs so they'd fit in this au?(forgive me if this has already been answered, I just found your blog and it made me want to make a design) Also, can characters cross between the planes if they know how to?

im assuming you’re talking about vmv?

because, yes! you absolutely can design your ocs to fit into vmv! i’ve incorporated a lot of creations from larger creators in the utmv fandom - such as popular shipkids, au characters, ect. - if you want to create your characters in vmv, absolutely feel free to!!!

((also, i’m aware theres a ton of vmv species to pick from - check out @vampire-mythoverse - and if you’re on desktop, } here’s { a page from the blog that lists all the species and links to their known posts! feel free to ask @vampire-mythoverse about any of the species if you find info lacking or if you want to clarify anything!))

also, it depends! only angels, fallen angels, and demons can cross the planes - limbo demons and risen cannot, and none of the Terran species are able to traverse the planes.

there are three planes, Angaea, Cirxia, and Terra, and entry to them is conditional.

entry to Angaea requires a certain level of “holiness”, which is the magic of angels and which only angels are capable of possessing - meaning only angels are able enter Angaea.

-

This changes once an angel falls; because when an angel falls, their “holiness” is retracted just below the requirement, and they cannot enter Angaea because they don’t reach the magic requirement. angels fall to Terra after being forcefully rejected from Angaea from having their holiness retracted. and even then as they live on Terra, they gradually lose their holiness over time, either using it up or attempting to keep it stagnant. it will always end up slipping away due to being around magic that isn’t like their own original magic, or by indulging in one of the seven main sins of demons and stirring up miasma (the magic of demons), but if an angel so desperately keeps themself latched on to one last scrap of holiness, they can keep themselves an “angel”, even fallen.

-

when an angel loses the last of their holiness, they transform into limbo “demons” - not really demons, but not really angels anymore either. they fall farther than what they originally did, and resemble the opposite of who they used to be. ((limbo demons lose the ability to traverse the planes.))

-

entry to Cirxia isn’t quite as complicated. both angels and demons can do it easily, using their respective magic (for angels, it’s holiness - for demons, it’s “miasma“). demons may “ascend” to Terra using their miasma (which detracts from their overall supply, which they have to keep replenished themselves), and demons may “descend” into Cirxia.

-

Cirxia is split into nine circles, each of them stacked on top of each other with walkways between them like a spring. each circle is designated to a certain sin, and demons can only descend as far as their sin’s circle. lust demons can only descend to their circle, while pride demons can descend to all the circles including their own, since they’re at the very bottom (barring the despondence circle, of which there are no natural demons).

angels can only descend to the top of Cirxia, the limbo circle (which also has no natural demons), where all mortal souls rejected from Angaea go after they die. from limbo, the rest of the circles are able to be accessed through the spiral walkways.

the order of circles from top to bottom is this:

((limbo, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, and despondence))

limbo and despondence, the very top and very bottom of Cirxia, have no natural demons of their sin. limbo is for rejected mortal souls and despondence is encased in ice.

-

entry to Terra is the easiest among the three planes. it requires either holiness or miasma, but since visitors from the other planes already have that, it’s all set up fine and dandy for them. there’s also no set or limited entry points (like in Cirxia), and no magical requirement (like in Angaea) to enter Terra. any angel or demon who wishes to visit Terra can do so wherever they like.

-

if they don’t know Terra very well, though, it’s very likely they’ll end up falling into the oceans if they’ve never ascended before and have no one to guide them

Angaea and Cirxia have no natural water, no natural plant life, and no natural animals, by the way. Terra is the only plane that has those and a variation within its species. Terra is weird but also really cool.

-

Also I’ve mentioned this throughout the post, but when mortals die, their souls can choose to try for Angaea, go straight to Cirxia’s Limbo, or roam on Terra for the rest of their undead lives, never really seeing or feeling without anything to give them form. rejects from Angaea are forced to go to Cirxia, while those who choose to stay on Terra can never go to either.

Those who make it into Angaea are called Flares, and they roam around the plane, never able to leave it.

Those who roam Terra are called Spirits, and they roam around the plane, never able to leave it.

Those who choose to go/are sent to Cirxia are called Shades, and they roam the limbo circle. They are sources of miasma, and often enough, demons will consume the shades to replenish their own supply of magic.

The afterlife in VMV isn’t very glamorous.

[pocmuzings]

mysticroleplay did a female ban in 2020 //:

hi ! thanks for the info , anon !!! when i first received this message i was big yikes tbh , bc female bans in 2020 ?? who even does that . but . . also admittedly , i know how things and misinformation can be spread thru tumblr discourse , so i actually approached the admins of mysticroleplay myself, to ask them for their side and an Explanation of what the 'female ban' really meant , bc . it doesn't Read Well for Anyone involved dfjkndfjnfjn . ANYWAYS , here was their response : ( under the cut bc it’s long , and then i add More commentary at the bottom ) 

 “ So, there’s a lot to unload here… as what initially was presented as a temporary tool in an attempt manage our influx of female characters, had got out of hand and taken out of context >< We hope our explanation below can gain a better understanding as to where we were coming from when implementing this ban, as we know it can come off quite… old school and not at all encouraging of those who disapprove of a gender ban in general. 

 When we started Mystic, we wanted to be a roleplay that didn’t care about ratios, which is why we categorize our characters by ‘stayed, left, new’ (according to our plot). In the beginning stages, we noticed the reputation roleplays were getting for caring about ratios (and ultimately understanding why it was a bad thing), which is why we made that decision in the first place.

As Mystic was growing, we noticed the influx of female characters joining, and didn’t really think much about it. However, slowly, we noticed that we had a handful of non-female desired wanted connections sitting in our tag, and there’s only so much that we admins can do to encourage gender diversity. We were also aware of the pressure a few members (we included) that had male characters felt when interacting with female characters (shipping, and etc), which was also a mildly growing concern behind the scene. As admins, we want to do our best to cater to our member’s experience and because we have encountered a certain feeling (in our own experience as members or admins, outside of Mystic) whenever there’s a heavy gender presented more than others, we couldn’t help but feel concerned. We’ve seen roleplays die when one gender overpowers the other, so we couldn’t help but wonder… should we do something about this? We’re not supposed to care about gender ratios, but our fear of our roleplaying dying due to past (separate) experiences seemingly overpowered that. (And not only that, but we’ve also been approached individually if we would consider a female ban of sorts, as we know *whether it’s a bad thing or not* that there are some people do care about ratios.)

And so, we came to the decision of implementing a temporary female ban, for various reasons. Yes, to balance our ratio to a degree, but to also encourage our members who were thinking of taking on second characters, to think about taking on a different gender. (We were also heavily wary about the backlash this would cause, but under said pressures, in a misguided attempt, did it anyway.)

 That is not to say, we only encouraged male characters in the slightest. Our ban was to encourage both male and nb characters, however, we will admit, we didn’t encourage nb characters as much as we should’ve. We know now, we probably should’ve sent ourselves some anons to put forth the public desire of having gender diversity, but we’re sad to say, we didn’t. We genuinely didn’t encourage (nor do we desire) one gender over the other, but we understand, that not voicing our desire for nb characters outright, could’ve been the reason why it this female ban we implemented was taken out of context.

Within the week of closing our ban (which was only up for about a week), we received anon asking if we’d do the same for nonbinary characters. We weren’t sure what to make of this ask, because admittingly, we were afraid it was a tool someone was using to try and make us (and Mystic) look bad. We know that might sound a bit dramatic, but the three of us are particularly protective over Mystic (as it has taken over two years for us to finally bring this roleplay to light) and we didn’t want a misunderstanding to have all of our hard work go to waste. (We’re also extremely aware of the rpcs of cancel culture, and wanted to avoid that as much as possible.) So, we made the unfortunate choice of not answering it, not for any other reason than being fearful of the outcome. 

 Within the next day, we received an IM from one of our members that it was them who had sent the anon and have expressed deep disappointment towards us for ignoring their query. It was… shameful, and heartbreaking for us to say the least. We loved that member deeply and have grown extremely embarrassed for not meeting their needs, all out of fear. Although they have expressed that they wish to have approached us off anon (as they were aware it came off hostile), they were still disappointed as a whole and we couldn’t blame them.

We did our best to explain why we didn’t reply, and how we weren’t trying to prioritize male or female characters over nonbinary (which is certainly another story within itself), and while we thought the conversation was going quite well and civil, we were met with them ultimately deactivating and we could no longer talk things through. 

 The incident between the three of us and that member was a lot for us. In fact, it still affects a few of us to this day, as we’re continuously fearful of disappointing our members again. We didn’t expect for Mystic to grow this big, nor did we expect to gain traction from the rpc in general. But, through this experience, we’ve learned that we do hold some sort of responsibility for doing what we can to encourage what is needed in the rpc. (Whether we feel as though it’s our duty or not.) We’ve learned a lot from that member, and although we weren’t able to settle things to their likeness, we decided to move on with the decision of implementing a ban for both male and female characters, in hopes of encouraging trans and nonbinary characters to enter Mystic in the near future. We want to look it as taking it one step at a time to be as inclusive and accepting to all as possible, whether we’re fully capable of taking on that task ourselves.

There is a lot more to say upon the matter, which we would be happy to discuss, as we want to lay things out as transparent as possible, but we hope that all of this explains things, enough for you to form a fair opinion about us. Not once did we ever make a decision to purposefully harm a particular community. Between the three of us, we are fully supportive (as well as a part of) the LGBTQ community and have been distraught knowing we have been misunderstood, due to a misguided decision in order to control our ratios. However, that is not to say, that we didn’t harm anyone (intentional or not), and we hope moving forward, we can right our wrongs. 

 If you have any more concerns or questions regarding the matter, please let us know, we appreciate you approaching us privately. <3 “

i kinda do understand what they're talking abt . if u've been on my blog in the past few weeks , we've been talking heavily abt playing male muses and how they're ship-chased to no ends , and i do recognise that this is what the admins were noticing in their own rp with female muses coming in, and creating a MASS amount of wanted connections just for males , and chasing the males that were already in the rp . this is smth we've all seen time and time again , and it makes rps die , and ppl just . Click right out , bc who wants to come into a rp thats just 'ship ' 'ship' ' ship' 'ship' ??? thats not fun , and not the environment u wanna foster. 

 do i agree with the Actions per se , of a female ban ? no . not at all . it's very demoralizing and derogatory to female muses who AREN'T there for ships and actually for the Real purpose of rping. but i do UNDERSTAND what the admins were trying to accomplish , in order to break up the amount of ship-chasing they were seeing . 

 after scrolling through their blog , i did see that they were trying , somewhat, to encourage more male AND nb fcs . however, again , of course - this didn't really pan out , because . . nb muses are hardly EVER picked up , as we all know  . should they have pushed MORE for nb rep , and maybe picked up a few nb chartacters themselves ? probably . admins should lead by example , a classic g line . 

 so . the action of them removing the female ban when they had more Males , but not really Considering as much abt the nb-representation ? not great either , but they acknowledge that in their response too , and admit they're Ashamed of how they acted . it's not my place to talk on the nb/trans community's end on this topic . simply put , if that side of the community is hurt and Damaged by these actions , then thats understandable too . 

i think it's at least Slightly commendable that when i approached the admins out of the blue - they were completely 1000% transparent and honest with me abt the situation in general and what had seemingly warranted , to them, a 'female ban ' 

 look , overall. mistakes are made . people own up to them . they apologise , and they acknowledge they’ll do better in the future . that’s SOMETHING . overall, they’re Trying to do better , and i think that that’s something important , and i do appreciate them for that . they did the wrong thing . they admitted it and owned up to it . i can understand where they were Coming from , but the execution , admittedly , was not done Great .

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - A Male’s Experience of Sex and Fan Fiction Part 1

@manawhaat​ (Mana) and @superfanficnatural​ (Mert) led a lively discussion about what it’s like to have a penis and how we can all improve our writing of the male experience! Shortly after Mert first joined, we asked him if he’d be open to answering frank and personal questions about what it’s like to have a penis, since he was our only (known) member to have one. He was enthusiastic to share his experiences and we are grateful he accepted our invitation! In the time we had, we didn’t come close to answering all of the questions that folks wanted to ask, so we will be continuing this discussion in a future live chat event! (If you have questions you would like to see posed, please either send us an ask or send an IM to one of our admins!) Because the most popular questions were specific to the sexual experience and how it is described in fan fiction, we moved the chat to the softcore-nsfw channel in the discord server. If you are a minor, you might want to check with your parents before reading this, as it is a frank and graphic discussion about sex. A rundown of the chat is below the cut!

Q: Mert, can you tell us a little about yourself and how you got involved with fanfic as a dude?

A: Welp not much to me, just an 18 year old penis-owning male that has been reading fanfic for almost three years. I first found out about fanfic from a friend that suggested it to me and ever since I first started reading, I've been obsessed! I didn't start writing until around early April this year, for I was too nervous, but ended up saying to myself, "You know what? There are no male reader fics on here so I'LL write them." Poof, my blog was born!

Q: In joining the fandom and Tumblr what did you see/feel as far as the fans being mostly female?

A: I'd have to say that I wasn't too surprised, but was a bit underwhelmed. While many female-presenting people seem to be attracted to the actors, first, and the story/content of the show second, the few male fans of the show seem to be the opposite. Although I love the show and all kinds of fans, it would be nice to find some other male-presenting gay fans to gossip with about how attractive the actors are. lol

Q: Have you been in any other fandoms that have had more guys present?

A: To be honest, no. Every fandom that I’ve been in was mostly comprised of female-presenting people.

Q: What’s it like being in a space that’s dominated by so many women?

A: I think that it’s a bit intimidating. I don’t share the exact same experiences as female-presenting people, so it makes bonding a bit harder, if that makes sense?

Q: What kinds of things do you think women in fandom could do to help make men - regardless of sexual preference, already in fandom - feel more welcome? We here in the Pond like to be welcoming to fans of all types of people in all fandom spaces, not just in the Pond. How can we make our space less intimidating?

A: In my experience, it depends on the man in question. Straight men are less likely to want to talk about how attractive the actors are, and more likely to be interested in the mechanics of the show. Gay men are more open to frank discussions about both the show and the actors’ appeal. Basically, just be aware of your audience and how invested in your conversation they seem to be, like you would be with anyone.

Q: Can you describe the sensations behind having a penis, and how it feels during oral sex?

A: Oral sex feels like a warm, heated blanket being wrapped around the penis, depending on how the giver hollows their cheeks or not, Usually, the penis isn’t very sensitive during oral sex, which is why porn is really fake. If the giver uses their tongue, then the stimulation around the tip of the head is what causes pleasure. The head is really the only sensitive part of the penis.

Q: So, emphasis on licking and sucking on the head is key, and deep throating is extra?

A: Playing with the balls, fondling them, or sucking on them is VERY pleasurable. Deep throating is hot, but mostly because of how the back of the throat constricts around the head of the penis. Like I said, playing with the head is the best way to tease. In fact, if it’s a male with a beard doing the giving, rubbing their stubble across the head is EXTREMELY pleasurable.

Q: So, just sucking on the tip alone, like a popsicle or lollipop, would give a man the most pleasure?

A: It is very pleasurable, but not quite enough to bring a man to orgasm. Men jerk from the base when masturbating because of the backwards and forwards motion. Think of it like a gear. The back and forth powers the gear, making the machine begin to work, and eventually leading to orgasm.

Q: The arousal and pleasure need to be built up, then. Sucking and stroking together with some fondling on the side if deep throating isn’t an option?

A: Yes. If you can’t take it to the base, just use your hand for the remaining amount and go back and forth at the same pace as your mouth. Fondling isn’t completely necessary, though it is very pleasurable.

Q: What is one thing you wish more women knew/writers would write about in terms of the male experience?

A: As a reader, it would be nice to have more writers writing about the male experience at all. The majority of writers and readers are women, though, so it makes sense that the majority of stories would be focused on the female experience, so I can’t complain.

For those who are interested in writing more from the male’s point of view, adding more description about how everything feels would be good. For example, when describing the female orgasm and arousal, there are all kinds of metaphors, like the string snapping and fires burning. Those things are representations of the orgasm and that same build up applies to men, too. Then when it finally releases, the feeling of an orgasm cuts off their breathing, even for just a second. We feel it in our toes, and can almost feel the semen transition from the testicles to the penis. Some men like to continue jerking off or thrusting through their orgasm until it becomes too sensitive and some men prefer to stop. Generally, our hips will thrust forward with each shot, but that’s not all the time or every male.

Think of it like breathing. Each shot of ejaculate is so powerful to the man that it's like during those shots, we only have the time to take mini gasps because we are so out of breath (once more, not all the time, and not every man). Pre-ejaculate does not always leak out of our tip; it's basically the equivalence of women getting wet. If we are hard long enough and it is straining, then pre-ejaculate will eventually begin to leak out. Yes, it is also possible for more pre-ejaculate to leak out DURING intercourse, though it is hardly noticeable due to the heavy amounts of wetness everywhere and they all mingle together and yeah. 

Onto the prostate. It is possible for men to orgasm without stimulation to their penis. The stimulation of our prostate for a long period of time can lead to an orgasm, regardless of if they are jerking or not, also kind of like women who can orgasm without clit stimulation (though difficult). 

Q: Do any of the stories you’ve read that women have written come close to the male experience of an orgasm?

A: I haven’t been able to read much M/M fan fiction, but most of them have been written by women, so they aren’t able to go deep into how it feels. All they can describe are the actions taken to get to the climax and what that looks like, which is understandable. But what “pleasure” are they feeling exactly when they orgasm? That is shown in a lot of female experiences and showing it in the man’s experience is one of the focuses I want to address and give answers to with this chat.

Q: Can you describe it for us, then? What are the sensations that happen in orgasm? Is it a whole body shiver? Is it the penis twitching slightly as the orgasm hits?

A: The whole body can convulse just like a woman can, though it’s more of a strong tingle than a whole body rock, depending on how strong the orgasm is. Also, the penis does twitch and swell, and usually when men “flex” their penis, the head grows in size slightly.

Q: How does that tingle spread, and how fast does it spread?

A: Think of the orgasm like the ocean. Wave after wave. When a man is about to orgasm, they know, much like for women. Every stroke gets them closer and they get to a point where they know how many more strokes it will take.

Q: Does the pleasure then spread from the penis out to the rest of the body?

A: It’s actually kind of the opposite. In the beginning, there is a tingle through the whole body. It’s like the nerves in the whole body pulse in the direction of the penis. Then, when it gets released, it’s like a bomb. The nerves in the penis fire off and it slowly spreads back throughout the body.

Q: For some women, it starts in the vagina and radiates outward, but it sounds like for men, it starts outward and radiates to the penis.

A: Yes! And when ejaculation starts, it all reverses back out into the body. (This information is not exactly the same for every single man on earth, but probably pertains to a large percentage. All men are different as all women are different. This is my experience though.)

Q: Does that mean that outside stimulation, like playing with nipples, scratching thighs, etc, would help a man orgasm more quickly as that outside stimulation radiates pleasure toward the penis?

A: Yes. This is why in porn, one person might suck on the neck of the other to add to the influx of pleasure and make the climax feel better. One reason why men love getting their backs scratched up is because that slight pain morphs into pleasure and it helps get closer to orgasm, much like women when their nipples are pinched.

Q: Can we follow up on the breathing thing? Are you physically incapable of breathing during each wave of climax? Or is it more like a winded feeling? Or is it more like the entire brain/body is so overloaded with pleasure that it’s just not on the top of the priority list?

A: It depends on the strength of the orgasm. We can breathe, it’s just not a focus.

Q: Can you pass out?

A: No, but you can be exhausted afterwards and fall asleep.

Q: Do you get blurred vision or anything like that?

A: No blurred vision, but it’s very common to squeeze your eyes shut.

Q: Do sensations change based on the strength of the orgasm?

A: They do.

Q: Is grunting really a thing that happens, or is that just in porn?

A: Yes, grunting can happen. Either it’s so hard that breathing gets cut off, or it’s so pleasurable that you groan or grunt out in pleasure.

Q: Do you come harder if you haven’t done it for a couple of days?

A: Much like some women, the longer we go without orgasm, the easier it is to climax (at least in my case).

This is where we had to stop due to time constraints, so we will be picking this topic back up in a future chat! If you have questions you would like to see posed in a future chat about this topic, you can either send an ask to the Pond, or an IM to any of the admins!

That’s it for this month! Don’t forget to submit your stories and your Angel Fish nominations! Want to know what’s happening in the Pond? Check the Pond Calendar to see what’s coming up! And, as always, if you have questions or suggestions, let us know! You can send us an ask, or send a private message to @manawhaat​ (Mana) or @mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Michelle) anytime!

[divine-identite]

ROLEPLAYING PROFILE MEME

PLEASE REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG!  Feel free to add to any of your answers!  The purpose is to tell your partners about the way you write!  For the multiple choice ones, BOLD all that apply and, if you want, italicize if it’s a conditional answer!

– B A S I C S – NAME : Ocleot ARE YOU OVER 18? Yes / No IS YOUR MUSE? Yes / No / Verse dependent

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly / Private

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH TO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / ( OC ) / Divergent

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One liners / Single para / Multi-para / Novella

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs / Icons / Gifcons

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes / Sometimes

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Unplotted / Open ended plots / Semi-plotted / Fully Plotted Epics

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very slow ( more than a month ) / Slow ( 3-4 weeks ) / Average ( 1-2 weeks ) / Fast ( Less Than One Week ) / Very Fast ( Less Than Three Days ) ( No in between tbh )

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Action / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational / Hurt-comfort

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic/ Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage / Everything ( i’m basically ready to do anything with the correct person )

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers) No / Yes (I’ve read the novel and all that )

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS?  HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED? No / Yes ( Not that im aware)

– S H I P P I N G – WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual ( I generally prefer developing ships over time )

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry only / Yes ( Hmmm my OTP is probably Cairai due to the dynamic. Most people assume that they both strongly hate another which isn't really proved besides a few quips said by both really. But it also shows both are stuck in some servitude to deities and how it progresses. There is also that big hurt feel that occurred in LR after Light and Company slay Bhuni. Stating they don't need god anymore but also how Caius and the Yeul’s stay behind to become that God - its kinda evident in her reaction something is bubbling underneath all that ice. My only off OTP is with a different fandom with @radiantcrowned  )

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No / Yes / I don’t know ( Yeul x Caius romantically, I don't know how you can ship a 14 - 16-year-old girl with a grown man  )

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Pansexual /Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual / Attracted to masculinity / Attracted to femininity / Attracted to androgyny

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic /Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic / Polyamorous

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Selectively / Yes ( Have not done smut in like 3 - 5 years on here with this - if that isn't a clear indication how serious I am with this muse.)

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? Autoship / During Plotting / After A Couple IC Interactions / Several IC Interactions / Slow burn / Depends on muse

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.) No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? No / Sometimes / Yes ( I do not ship with duplicates (only exception is Yeuls). )

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Sometimes / Yes

DOES CROSSOVER SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Yes / Depends

Tagging by: stolen from the sublime @nolovclost ♥ ♥ ♥ Tagging: whoever tbh

[smallblanketfort]

do you have tips on taking notes?

yes!! i have many, so i tried to make it easier for you to navigate :)

L O N G post ahead of you, covering lecture notes and readings notes, from a college senior :)

lecture notes:

i suggest using a notebook and pen, physically writing down. it’s easier to study, and since it’s using your body, you have a much higher retention rate on your side than if you use a laptop.

i have used my laptop for taking notes before. it’s easier to take more notes, word for word, but that’s not always helpful. maybe that’s your style, especially if you enjoy rewriting your notes all pretty and more successfully when you get home. i am not that girl. 

more notes does not always equal better! it’s good for you to listen actively, selecting what is important and what is not. i take very thorough notes. i take a lot of notes. if you need notes for a missed class, i. am. your. girl. that doesn’t mean i write out everything word for word. selecting details, clauses, and images really helps me to not only keep up, but also to memorize later. plus, when you’re typing, it’s easier to type all the words out without really processing the whole meaning. remember that dense notes are harder to study

finally, when you write by hand, you can get more creative with your style. occasionally, i’ll web notes out from one, rather than a traditional outline, bc it makes more sense for the topic

it also helps my anxiety! so much! if i force myself to take great in depth notes, then my mind has to dedicate more brain space to the task at hand than to my anxieties.

stick to one of these though. it really sucks to get into a test and realize you didn’t study half of your notes bc you forgot half were on your laptop. it’s awful lol.

if you use a laptop, get used to how it works first. do u know how much i resent trying to switch from a bullet that is under other bullets (like this one, not filled in) to a main point bullet (the ones filled in). it can be so confusing. also make sure you use a program you like. you can take directly into documents, but i find that i really love evernote, as i can make notebooks for classes, stacks of notebooks for my college, and that i can tag notes with specific classes and topics.

if you’re on paper, for fuck’s sake, divide your notebook into sections for classes. keep it all together. those notebooks with handy dandy dividers are so helpful, and they keep you from carrying around 5 notebooks at once.

i wouldn’t worry too much about highlighters and such in class. there’s just so much going on then. save highlighting and color coding for later, and count it as studying.

don’t worry about traditional outlining styles, with roman numerals or whatever. i take notes very simply. bullets/dashes, subnotes under a broad note. 

do it how it makes sense to you! maybe that includes different bullet styles, different places for different types of information (on a simple level, i start writing chapter numbers and titles as far to the left as i can go, over the margins, in bold and capital letters. i also usually go over these later in a certain color marker)

in some classes it is helpful for me to write the topic along the top of the page in a highlighter (color coding is lovely) the main idea/topic for each page. the classes this was most obviously helpful in were astronomy (COMETS or BLACKHOLES etc) and shakespeare (MUCH ADO ACT 2 or ROMEO etc)

it’s easiest to just note page numbers of referenced complex diagrams, as they are usually in your reading or accessible online

your style might look different in each class. whatever works.

note everything (everything) your professor writes on the board. if it’s important enough for your professor to write it, it’s probably important enough for you to write it.

note examples only if it’s helpful for your memory. however, make light note of things like famous people and their science/psych experiments. but in math and such, note! the! examples! and! reasons! will help you so much.

examples that have emotion, imagery, or sound are going to be more helpful. applicable examples are most helpful. good professors will lecture you accordingly. lazy ones will not.

star anything that the professor stresses or hints will be tested. anything that they say is a major theme or whatever.

note main ideas/points/themes, definitions, conclusions, 

use your tests to help you figure out what you need to know. ask questions about the tests too. in every class i’ve taken, i’m totally shocked at how willingly people ask about exam format and how willingly the professor will tell us how it will work. they want you to succeed.

people learn differently! i suggest taking notes in class and later adding touches that help you. count it as study time too. a warm up, if you will. 

if you’re visual, this might include highlighting, color coding, drawing diagrams, etc.

 if you’re an auditory learner, reading the notes out loud and organizing them accordingly, as well as making up rhymes, rhythms and such, might help you. some auditory learners actually like to record lectures and listen to them later. 

if you learn best through movement, rewriting or making flashcards will be great for you.

sometimes professors go really. fuckin. fast. why. idk? but

dont be afraid to ask them to go back a slide bc i guarantee, you will be the class hero for asking

develop a little bit of shorthand. sometimes i end up using initials, arrows, abbreviations… this is where i got “bc” and “thru” and “u” and such. lol. also, list things vertically, rather than using commas and “and/&/+) it’ll be more clear later

some professors you literally cannot take notes on. it sucks. you’re going to need to do the readings and pick their brains on how the test will be to figure out how to prepare. take home tests are your best friend. thank god for them. seriously. get your butt to church and do some worshipping.

if your professor puts powerpoints online, save the powerpoints, ya never know.

look at inspiration if you want, but remember that notes on studyblr are usually copied from class notes. if you’re too focused on how pretty your notes are, good luck to you

finally, the day before an exam, i review my notes that i have (hopefully) been studying. i like to make a one page cheat sheet / study guide on everything i didn’t remember, leaving out everything i understand, memorized, or want to disregard. 

reading notes:

ima be real and tell you i hardly ever do reading unless i will be tested on it in class in multiple choice. and im an english student. ye i suck, i know. i dont condone shirking the system but u know what, reading shakespeare or 18th century lit literally makes me want to kill myself. so, im a senior in college, and have barely ever done the reading for a class. the thing is, if you do it right, anything is better than just reading the words on the page and not getting the meaning. dont be a reading zombie. read actively, even if it’s not the actual reading. doing this, i have a 3.9 gpa. so. there’s hope for us yet.

first of all, yall need to do your damn reading. idc how. but due to the fact that a test will be multiple choice, essay answer, a presentation, or a paper, you’re going to not love pulling nothing out of your ass. can be done tho. just be fake deep.

that being said, i’m writing a lot below, but the reality is that if it’s lit, your notes dont have to be longer than a sentence. if it’s a textbook, more.

the same formatting question comes into play here, except it’s should you take notes in your book or in a notebook?

listen i’m always going to be pro notebook, pro physically writing it out as it helps me really get the information into my head, rather than more passively highlighting

i tend to do both, if im willing to mark up a book. i underline and highlight things that stick out to me, and i write them down as well. sometimes when reading literature/essays, if i know the contextual/meaning notes will be interesting to me later, i will copy notes both into my notebook and also less in depth onto post it notes (which also make sweet little flashcards btw), which i will stick into the passage. this is so helpful when a) im reading it again later and b) when we are discussing a passage in class

buy used books. it’s cheaper. until it happens to u, u do NOT UNDERSTAND how EXCITING it is to get a book that has highlights and underlines in it ALREADY. DUDE. my work is basically DONE for me. now take that lightly, bc often different ppl will highlight different pieces of information. however, it is helpful.

look up summaries. do not simply rely on cliffsnotes and sparknotes, esp since professors are very aware of these. google “title of book, summary, chapter notes, whatever youre looking for” and use the blog posts, the book reviews, the papers that come up. does this method probably take a bit longer? maybe? but it’s easier on my tired brain.

if you don’t have time to read your textbook one day and really want to, read the introduction and the conclusion to the chapter, or the first and last sentences to the paragraphs. it’s not great, but it’s something.

like your lectures, note definitions, conclusions, and helpful examples, as well as people and dates. if i’m reading literature and i’m deciding to be a smart student i will keep several logs as well. these logs will make it so. easy. to study for your exam:

updated character lists, including name, relationships, and anything defining and important

scene/chapter summaries, just a sentence summarizing what happened where

any quotes or themes that stand out

i highly highly highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the well educated mind for note taking on a range of genres. this is what i had to use through high school and while it’s involved, it’s incredibly helpful.

if you’re going to have to cite your notes, note the page number in the margin every time you flip the page

the biggest issue i have with reading is when and where to do it. before or after class? always ask your professor if they do not tell you. where in your notebooks? i always do it on the next blank page bc leaving space stresses me the fuck out. make notes on the top of your pages of corresponding lectures/readings. 

for both lectures and readings i really really really suggest either having something to drink or something to snack on (think fruit, loose nuts, m&ms. small loose things rather than things u bite? idk they just last longer?)

okay i hope this was somewhat helpful even tho it’s an incredibly longwinded post. it seems like a lot, but the reality is that while i take a lot of notes, i don’t make them complicated, i don’t have rules, i just do what feels right in the moment. they’re not at all stressful. just take it easy and do whatever works for you :) 

if anyone has other tips, feel free to reply :)

[radmanraditz]

Raxceni-Mun’s Zero Tolerance of Shipping/Smut Drama, and OOC Jealousy

Quick disclaimer: If you are shipping with me/want to ship with me and are motivated to do that because you want to write detailed smut, expect intimacy without putting in the work for figuring out how our muses would have an emotional bond with one another, AND/OR you get jealous easily from seeing other shipping partners having physical and emotional intimacy with my muse...

THEN GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!

Unfollow me, and drop our threads because my roleplay style and Raditz portrayal is not right for you! 

We appreciate slow burns and chemistry in this house! RadmanRaditz is not your source for an insta-romance smut fest!!!

To say I am still pissed from what happened a couple nights ago would be an understatement.

As I have said before, I have no issues with anyone coming to me and telling me they lost interest in a thread, ship, or roleplaying with me all together. I appreciate and respect those who are comfortable doing that, and handle it in a mature way. At face value that is what this former rp partner was doing – but the longer this person talked, the more clear it became that they were salty and had a lot of wrong ideas about why I was not responding to them as quickly as they wanted, or with what they were looking for.  

It is okay to feel disappointed, but you should never EVER assume the worst out of other people because they won’t write what you were hoping/expecting.

We are REAL fucking people running roleplay blogs. We have mental and physical health issues, we have real life responsibilities like work, school which comes with projects and homework that take hours/days, and a social life away from Tumblr and RP. We get moody, and we have had past experiences that cause us to feel comfortable/uncomfortable writing smut.

What I am happy to see is pretty much everyone understands this without me having to say anything to them.

For a long time I have both unconsciously and consciously avoided shipping because of something that happened to me not too long after I created my first RP blog. That situation really impacted how I viewed shipping with other people and I did not want to put myself into situations where people might get pissy and lash out at me because I did not feel up to writing romantic or smutty things with them. (What? You mean there was a time Raxceni wrote detailed smut without feeling weird about it?? Yes, but I was and still am highly selective about who I write detailed smut with.)

Did this former partner have a valid reason to be upset with me? Both yes and no. But mostly NO. The multiple reasons why that answer is a NO is why I am super fucking pissed off. 

Normally I try to avoid gossip, but this is not fucking gossip when this directly affects me and what I am comfortable with doing on my own blog as a hobby. I will not name anyone I am talking about, and the only thing I am condemning is how they handled the situation. Not who they are as a person or as a roleplayer. Not everyone is a good partner for each other. 

This is a really long post that gets into some personal stuff, so I will put a keep reading thing here.

Their valid reason for being upset was with me “neglecting” most of my storyline threads, and mostly responding to one while also goofing around with some other newer partners for the last few days I was active. They were the type of rper who wrote shorter responses and responded quickly when active, and I was not surprised that they called it quits cuz they got tired of waiting on me.

But here are some background facts that make it not okay to get upset at me over IM:

They were comfortable talking to me OOC and a week or two ago we were actively roleplaying with multiple responses to our threads.

This person never complained about my speed, did not talk to me about serious plotting – we only did casual ideas – and never showed any signs of being unhappy with the direction of the thread, nor asked if we could do anything to fix it.

A positive thing I experienced when rping with this person was when our characters were gearing up for a sex scene, I told her about how uncomfortable I was with jumping into doing a fully-detailed scene, even though I was getting into it. I did not want to flake out on this person in the middle of things, which is what could have happened/has happened since I developed my aversion to writing smut roleplay. Plus, I do not really like bending my rules for one person, unless I am willing to rewrite my rules and do it for everyone. So we had a good discussion about it over IM instead, then skipped ahead in the thread.  

How this became a bad thing is that I believe they legitimately got jealous when similar situations were happening with my other ships, but Raditz had some more intimate and emotional responses with those muses which was lacking in the one between their muse and mine. (Of course what do you expect when they have sex after meeting each other within a 24 hour time period in the thread?)

The evening this person approached me, you would think that since we got along OOC and that they are aware that I have had health issues all month long that they might want to ask me how I am doing and find out first if this is playing a part in how “little” I have been rping with them….but no. I get a very blunt message about them wanting to drop all our threads. So naturally, I wanted to ask why because we seemed to be on good terms and our last response to our thread was from three days ago. (Which for me is not that long ago because I am a busy person.) They responded with the fact that they lost interest.

Fair enough. I was wondering if this was because they wanted to start fresh, wait until I was ready to roleplay more actively…or if this was some kind of break up. (Cuz trust me, I could smell awkward break-up vibes all over this convo and even called them out on it at one point because I was tired of dealing with them not being direct after that initial statement of wanting to drop our threads.) Their reasons – though legit I believe – started sounding more and more like excuses and misconceptions about my interest in our muses’ ship and the plot of our thread.  

I told them it was fine to lose interest in a ship and our threads, but I also wanted to assure them that I was invested in our thread and our characters interacting. But this person did not really pay attention to anything I had to say.  

This lead to my former rp partner going on a passive-aggressive tangent about how their muses are special, well developed, and deserve to be loved, they were not fluffy characters, they weren’t Mary Sues, and how it felt like they were writing their muse into a box with me to make the thread and ship work. All of that really came out of left field for me because I never said or did anything that I thought should make this person say all of this. I am also completely against people trying to tailor their muse to fit mine for a ship. So I was already low-key insulted by this point, because although I did not get blamed for that, all the other stuff being said made it obvious that they were salty.

And instead of coming to talk to me about any of this, or just telling me simply that they did not think our muses were compatible, they were taking stuff way too personal and making a lot of assumptions about my interest, and my time.  They even insinuated that my AUs are not fully developed. Like…wtf? My AUs are fine, and I fucking know this. Do not try and tell me they aren’t just because you are not happy with our thread.

Yes, I roleplay with a lot of people, but I did the math, and 2-3 threads is a drop in the bucket. I am a writer. It is not just a hobby of mine, it is my art, my talent, my specialty.  Roleplaying with as many as 30 threads between my two blogs made me write faster, and were it not for my health problems lasting all month, I think I could have completed NaNoWriMo for the first time ever even while going to College full-time!

Due to the lack of interest from their end about my side of things, and because they were fully aware of my roleplaying style being different from theirs (I am slower and not a smutty ship-driven roleplayer)  AND the fact that I have been physically ill or suffering from physical pain all month…I believe it is fair to say they did not care about me, the mun, as much as they did about their own enjoyment.

Some roleplayers are like that, and I am not mad because they did not care.

I am pissed because their attitude reminds me of how I have been mistreated and abused in the past by others for wanting me to write shippy/smutty things with our characters, and me not giving them what they wanted. (And I know this is a common problem for others in our community.)

So yeah, I do not care that this person wanted to leave because they were not happy rping with me. That is fine. Bye Felicia. But I feel like I do have a right to be pissed with someone getting so salty and jealous over things not going the way they wanted, that they disregard me as a person and make assumptions about me while knowing that I have an aversion to smut-rp for the reason I mentioned above.

Instead of blaming my ability to write “detailed plots” and getting defensive about how special their muses are, maybe they should have just come clean about only being interested in doing smutty rp ships.

It isn’t like I did not know that before. I can see their other threads on my dash too when I was following them.

That person was just trying to hide their reasons for losing interest. Because they knew it was a petty reason. And they were being an asshole trying not to look like an asshole. Pro Tip: being honest with me makes you less of an asshole than trying to cover up the truth.  

I do not judge other people for wanting to rp smut and for that being a motivating reason to rp.

What I don’t like is dealing with some fucking salty jealous person who has to assure themselves that their muses are special little snowflakes who deserve to be loved by projecting their shitty ideas and insecurities onto someone else, knowing exactly why they are hesitant to write smut with others.  

So yeah I am glad they packed their shit and left. Begone. Get your shitty attitude out of my fucking face because I have no energy or desire to deal with people who are needy for ships or smut but do not wanna invest the actual time in developing intimacy or an emotional bond to get that sort of reaction out of my muse without it being OOC. I have shipping rules for a reason and if you cannot follow them, I am not your cup of tea and you need to go find someone else to help you get off.

[justkeepsailing]

This year I worked really hard to work on myself and I set goals that I thought would be achievable. Here’s what I’ve learned from setting my 2017 Goals:

Setting S.M.A.R.T. goals actually work. S.M.A.R.T is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. I learned this acronym in college and I applied it more to academics, but never to life. When I made my goals for 2017, I applied the concept of S.M.A.R.T. goals to them because I wanted to make sure I could achieve them.

Accountability is key. I don’t think I would have maintained my exercise routine without having it in my calendar, receiving reminders, and being charged if I cancelled a class too late. Also, sharing your goals with people is a good way to be held accountable.

Traveling is a great way to learn more about yourself. Whether you want to learn more about yourself or other cultures, you will learn something new about yourself on each trip you take.

One of my big goals was to learn how to budget more and actually stick to that budget. I found that apps really didn’t help me achieve this goal, so at the beginning of the month I’ve started writing out my expenses for the month, the days I get paid, and the amount I get paid to figure out how to manage my spending for the month.

It is important to keep learning. Taking classes through UCLA Extension has been one of the best things I decided to do this year. I’ve loved what I’m learning and it’s been one of the more enjoyable things I’ve done this year.

Setting goals related to exercise should be focused on seeing what your body can do and not just weight loss. When I initially set my goal of getting better at cardio, the real goal was to lose weight. A few months into the year, I made the mental shift to focus on pushing my body more vs. focusing on weight loss, and I accomplished more than I ever thought I would. I ran a mile faster than I’d ever run before- 12 minutes! Which to some is a bad time, but for me that broke a 13-year record! Due to my mental shift, I was able to accomplish my cardio goal and achieve my secondary goal of losing weight.

Your body can do more than you think. I know this is related to #6, but it’s definitely a lesson I learned. Up until this past year, I had never really lifted weights. I had used little weights in PT or a gym class, but never truly lifted weights. This year I have learned how to lift weights and I’ve increased the amount of weight I can lift throughout the year. It’s been nice to see that I’m able to do this because I’ve had shoulder and neck issues.

Cooking is a lot easier than you think. I usually get overwhelmed by cooking a meal, but recently I’ve started being creative in the kitchen and created my own recipes. I’ve actually found this process to be fun, and I’d never had that experience before. An example of this is my obsession with making a DELICIOUS egg sandwich.

Eating out or ordering in usually isn’t as good as you think it’ll be. The more I ate out this year, the less I enjoyed it. I would go to some of my favorite places and I just didn’t like it or I felt sick afterwards; which is obviously not a reaction you want to have. I definitely think there needs to be a balance between eating out/ordering in and cooking at home.

Find things that you love outside of work. This for me has been key- without this blog I wouldn’t have a creative outlet and work would be my life.

Be open to exploring new places. Whether you’re exploring a brand-new country or city or walking around where you live and you stumble upon a new place, you should be open to trying new things. This is how I created my Ktown Hidden Gems series- it simply happened because I started walking around where I live.

Stand up for what you believe in. This applies to politics, issues at work, with your friends- you get the point. This is an important skill to have and it applies to any aspect of life.

Take care of yourself. This is easier said than done, but it’s important to learn. I’ve tried really hard to take care of issues before they become bigger problems, and I think this approach is making me more aware about how my body works and reacts to things.

Go to interesting events. In 2017, I was really lucky to have the opportunity to see a lot of performers and speakers that I never thought I would see. This includes seeing Hamilton the Musical, movie screenings, the Backstreet Boys, and Dan Rather. Attending different types of interesting events makes you think differently about different aspects of life and you appreciate them. Every time an opportunity would arise, I would just ask myself, “when will I be able to do this again?” If the answer was probably never again, then I would decide to go. Taking advantage of opportunities is key.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. I’ve always had the rule that I am willing to try anything once, but sometimes fear can make that hard to follow. This year I tried to actually force myself to try things that scared me or were completely new. The major thing I tried was skiing. I had never skied before, but I had always wanted to try. So, when the opportunity arose, I said yes. Was I great at it? No. Am I willing to try it again? Yes.

Friends and family are everything. Going on all of my adventures in 2017 wouldn’t have been as memorable or enjoyable without everyone who participated in them. From Nashville, to trying new restaurants, to Hawaii, to going to concerts and speakers- these memories wouldn’t be half of what they were without the people who attended them with me. For this, I am eternally grateful.

Be comfortable with the uncomfortable. This is just a key thing to be able to do in life. Things are going to happen in life and you need to be able to be okay with it.

2017 has been a crazy year, but I’ve definitely learned a lot. I’ve got some travel guides, new restaurant reviews, and 2018 goal updates coming soon, so stay tuned for those J  If you have something that you want me to blog about, please let me know!

I hope that everyone has a happy and healthy new year!

Hilary

17 Things I Learned in 2017 This year I worked really hard to work on myself and I set goals that I thought would be achievable.

[shanmarie2129]

I do not preach often. I do not offend easily. I have a big mouth and my opinions are strong but most of the time I keep the strong female ideals to myself. My opinions and feelings on those topics tend to surprise people and are not always what my “loved ones” expect. Where as this is neither here nor there for me I do not like to use the little time that I spend with these people justifying or arguing or even discussing such intense issues. In fact before social media I rather enjoyed not knowing most people’s opinions on such heavy topics. There isn’t much that gets me riled up. I tend to be able to ignore people’s uneducated opinions and comments for the most part but this has had my mind occupied for the past few days and I just can seem to shake it. I went and got my hair done last week and was able to not only get some time to myself but also got to spend some time with some amazing ladies. We shared some gut wrenching laughs and some rather emotional conversation. As most know I had a baby a month ago. A beautiful girl. It was a beautiful surprise to be pregnant again. The pregnancy was tough. The labor was tough and the recovery was toughest. In discussing my ups and downs we were amused by some of the bizarre questions and behaviors people show to pregnant women. Let’s start with the most common and yet most invasive.

Touching the belly. Now I’ve been lucky. I only recall one uncomfortable belly touch and it was in my first pregnancy. I work behind a bar and I have for almost twenty years. I am protected from human touch more often than not due to my career. So when it happened I think my reaction said it all. Between jumping a mile out of my skin and my facial expression I made it quite apparent that I don’t want to be touched ever, pregnant or not, without some serious warning and we better have drank out of the same cup or have gone to the bathroom together if I’m allowing you to touch me. It always caught me off guard a little when anyone would touch my belly especially a strange women, even more a strange man!! Hands to home!

Then there are the questions. Why in this day in age with all the knowledge that we have about the struggles to conceive a child or the surge of female independance in a world of choice do we ask all these damn invasive questions.

“Oh you just got married?, when are you having a baby? Are you pregnant yet? When are you gonna get pregnant?”

Or if you’ve had a baby....

“When is number two on the way? Are you gonna have any more? How many babies will you be having?!”

Listen Helen! What is my last name?! Shit what is my first name? When did you lose your virginity? Are you still menstrating? Can you imagine if I asked if a stranger was menstrating? Working with the public these questions have come up often. I have learned that most people aren’t doing it to be rude or inappropriate. People are just simply irresponsible with their questions and most people lack total self awareness. I have gotten these questions often enough where I have learned how to deal with them.

Sometimes I’ll just be harshly honest.

“When are you having baby number two?”

“Not sure Helen, wasn’t supposed to be able to have the first one!”

That one shuts people down quick. Like what does that mean? Did the government deam her not fit to have children? Did her ovaries roll across the playground in grade school never to be found? Did she have a child once but returned it after 90 days because she wasn’t completely satisfied? I have usually only responded in this manner to people who I considered to be comfortable learning more and whom I’m comfortable with or to someone so uncomfortable I knew it would stop there. Sometimes in the midst of a large crowd when this question would appear, and you’d be surprised how many times it has while I’m four deep (at the bar), I just yell

“I have a thin uterus George!”

That shuts the crowd up, but also gives me an extra 15 seconds to grab some tips off the bar or take another order.

Now my personal favorite is a guarantee shut down. People will go silent. “Congratulations on your nuptials. When are you going to get pregnant?!”

“Well, that’s in the Lord’s hands.”

And just walk away.

Leaves people speechless everytime. You see for whatever reason nobody wants to talk about religion these days. People want to talk about everything. Abortion, sexual assault, even my thin uterus. But for whatever reason religion shuts them up. Even the religious ones. How come? Maybe because they don’t want to crush two dreams at once. Maybe because they don’t know anything about religion or they don’t want to know anymore about yours. Who cares you have ended the conversation.

Or how about this, which until last week I wasn’t aware was a thing people did.

You’re pregnant with your second child and someone asks what you’re having. You respond with; “Im having a boy.” “Congratulations, what do you already have?” “A boy.” “Ooo I’m so sorry.”

What?!! You’re sorry?! I said a boy Karen not the spawn of satan! Why are you apologizing? It is a baby. Where maybe I had a twinge of disappointment, in which in my case I didn’t, I am happy to have a happy healthy baby. Or maybe I did not want a girl. Maybe my dream was to have a house full of boys! My own NFL team perhaps. People are strange. They always want to know the name too. Sometimes I think just to make a face or criticize. I prefer to see the judgement on their faces after the baby is born. It is more uncomfortable for them. I could go on for days about the comments people make or the questions they ask. Most of them are out of kindness and curiosity. I know people aren’t trying to be malicious. Yet some of these questions are invasive.

You are having a csection....why, How long are you working, are you coming back to work? Did you gain this much weight the first time? Should you eat that? It goes on and on. But here is the one that got me the most angry. The reason for writing this.

I went home and told my husband about some of these conversations. He responds with this. Brace yourself. “

“A lot of people have asked me if you’re breastfeeding.”

“Really?!” “

“Yeah and it makes me a little uncomfortable.”

Um yeah!!! Why in gods name are people asking my husband if I’m breastfeeding? First off it makes me uncomfortable when certain people ask me. Why is it anyone’s business how I feed my child? You should only be concerned if I’m not feeding her. And why are you asking my husband. Person that doesn’t know me why are you asking? Are you planning on wet nursing for me to give me some relief? Are you going to purchase some of my favorite nipple cream? Are you even going to high give him if he responds the way you see fit? What a strange thing to ask. I feel like it’s being asked because there is no longer a tolerance for shaming breast feeders. That it is a right that we have and we as women will not tolerate being shamed for feeding our children the way nature intended. However I am not breastfeeding. We are formula feeding and we feel your judgement. In a world where feminism has taken over I feel shamed. It is my body and it is my right to feed my child as I want but gasp why are you not breastfeeding? You see it is ok to choose as a women as long as you choose the way they want you too. This isn’t all women. I know that. This is just my immediate most recent experience. And this happens all the time. With more heavy topics and I’m certainly not going there. But this is what I wish people were more aware of. Getting pregnant, being pregnant, not being pregnant, not wanting to be pregnant, breastfeeding, not breastfeeding, and after pregnant is hard for some people. A lot of people. It is personal. It is about strength and tears and challenges. It is about infertility, miscarriages, medications, injections, surgeries, hormones, medical issues, arguments, choices..scary choices. We struggled with infertility. We are now blessed to have two beautiful children. Two more than we thought we could have. Yes we could have looked into adoption. Many people ask that question to people struggling with infertility. We didn’t because my hormones were making me sick and adopting a child when i wasn’t able to care for that child at my best didn’t seem fair. We fixed my hormones and I got pregnant. I explain this only because people have the audacity to shame people for this too. That was our reasons other people have many more. But people do not consider those things before they ask. They assume they know the answers already. These immediate assumptions can be harsh. We have been lucky. Most people have steered clear of invasive judgements and questions to my face. I have thick skin though, not everyone does. Be careful. Be kind. In a world where everything is in our faces and everyone has an opinion it can be detrimental. Be kind. We cannot change the whole world but maybe we can change it at arms length. It’s ok to be curious just make sure your prepared to hear the answers.

Let me give a quick shoutout to the women and men who choose not to have children and should also never have to explain themselves!! That may be a whole different blog.