#YEET!!!!

[perrybearwaks]

[camashred]

I understand the sentiment, but when you write RIP in a sentence please be careful with your presentation, cause I just saw someone sincerely post "Let her RIP 😔" and I immediately pictured them Beyblading their grandma into the fucking stratosphere.

[gomzdrawfr]

eepy

[lazylittledragon]

he's nothing if not determined

[lokittystuckinatree]

I am simultaneously deliriously in love with the ending of Loki season 2 and absolutely loathe it

On one hand…Shakespearean tragedy at its finest, essentially circling back to Loki’s original Thor 2011 character arc by reversing it, and Loki has literally ascended to godhood. In the end, Loki’s ultimate selfless sacrifice was to sit upon the highest throne in the multiverse, and that to me is tragically ironically beautiful

On the other hand…Loki being alone makes me want to burn Marvel studios to the ground and do other unspeakable things

Best and worst ending of all time f u Eric Martin

[dont-be-tumb]

[ghostcupdraws]

That sassy little scientist and the disaster he chose as his partner

[as-i-watch]

If they chucked him like that he would not be so chill

[obamerzslop]

Reblog to throw Jax into a trashcan. Daily slop comic yall

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

[kaijutegu]

If you've ever wondered if my swimming tegu gets in the water voluntarily: yes and good luck keeping her out of it.

[shroomiethefrogwhisperer]

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

Edit 4: STOP REBLOGING THISSSSSS

edit 5: if you like this, go look at these:

This is now a masterlist.

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

“why sister daniel and blond phil? this is just phil! this is phil all the time! this is not dan before the clock strikes 12, this is just phil now!” no no i can accept that phil is blond now like i will concede that this:

is phil. but this:

is NOT phil. this is a butch lesbian with a motorcycle who is dating sister daniel. nothing you say will convince me of anything else ok. that’s not phil that’s the head of DOB leading the march before going to pick up her girlfriend from the convent for hot lesbian sex. they have nothing to do with dan and phil. separate entities. stop lesbian erasure 😤

[yeetmyboi]

Picture this: 🌾☀️

Retired!Simon who takes up to running a ranch in order to keep himself busy as retirement isn’t all cracked up as it should be. Especially with someone who always needs to have a goal at the end of the day.

You move into the dilapidated cabin that skirts the edge of his property. But as you’re moving in late at night, you accidentally hit a post to his fence. You figure you’ll tell the neighbor in the morning rather than the middle of the night and head to bed.

Little do you know, your ‘accident’ causes some of his animals to escape and he’s up before dawn trying to round them up. By the time he’s done, the sun is up and he’s fuming.

Simon storms ups to your door, pounding at it till you answer. His intent to scold you is stalled by the sight when you do, rendering him speechless for a moment. You open the door, dressed in a skimpy silk robe with damp hair and glistening skin, looking every bit like a city slicker who moved to the countryside on a whim.

Simon struggles to keep his eyes up and not on the bit of skin showing underneath your robe. He can feel himself getting hard at just the thought. God, it’s been years since he’s seen a gorgeous soft bird like you…

Meanwhile, you hold an annoyed pout that pushes out your plump lips as you look up at him. As he stays silent, your arms cross over your chest and you arch an eyebrow. “Well?”

You were all for owning up to your fault but when Simon storms over like that, you’re not too keen on fessing up just yet. So you claim to know nothing about it. Shrugging it off and threatening to call the cops if he doesn’t leave.

Simon just laughs at your fiery demeanor and even admires your quick wit. He agrees to leave, for now. Just so he can snag the footage of you hitting said fence post and watch you flounder.

Oh, don’t worry love, he’ll forgive you. Long as you help him fix the fence and any other ‘problems’ you’ve caused.

banner by the lovely @/cafekitsune ᡣ𐭩

[yuukirita]

I can just Imagine Bee going to hug Megs the next time they see each other because He really doesn't know Megs is like... A bad guy now. He's just happy to see his friend.