#YEA THIS FUCKIN SHOULD BE A PRIORITY

[clownfishie]

everyone has a body, and a body is not inherently sexual. from a young age we should all have an awareness and a healthy understanding of our bodies— rather than shame or fear.

we need to free the nipple so bad im so serious we should be so far past the point where girl children are told they have to keep their shirt on while their brothers and cousins get to run around shirtless or women shamed for breastfeeding or trans men needing top surgery to go outside shirtless without getting judged at best and arrested at worst or girls getting taken out of class for not wearing a bra like this should be a priority

[heleneplays]

do maría and patría then.

oh my godddddddddd I MISSPELL PATRICIA ONE (1) TIME is2g

AND ALSO IM IMMEDIATELY ATTACKED HELP HELPPPP

ok but thank u anon, i will certainly deliver on my beloved amoral redheads <333 (LOOK AT THEM 🥺🥺🥺)

MARÍA GARCÍA PÉREZ

María my beloved meow meow-- listen im just out here actively simping for her!!! my beloved author truly did a REALLY good job with her and i have 0 complaints which is why im always giving her my 10/10 ALWAYS and FOREVER as she deserves!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways im small, gay, and whipped; crown me as her #1 clown bc i am running a one man circus!!!

also my GOD she & the game both cures and causes my mental ls but like. i will be normal about it right now. mrrp (affectionate)

---

PATRICIA RAKEPICK

PATRICIA RAKEPICK MY BELOVED BLORBO; JAM CITY'S BIGGEST WASTED POTENTIAL, SHE HAD SO MUCH GOING FOR HER AND US AND I WILL FOREVER NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE PAST WHAT HAPPENED ABOUT THE PLOT!!!!!!!! like bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok but also assigning "why do they look like that" because WHAT IS UP WITH HER azkaban appearance-- THEY DID HER SO DIRTY oh my fuckin god you guys i have so many essays abt it that i deleted >:(((

---

anyways yea lmao not me taking 3 precious hours i should really be using to finish my revisions on the intro of our thesis but like. ✨🙌priorities🙌✨

[Character Opinion Bingo]

[drabbles-mc]

Room For Me

Angel Reyes x Reader

Warnings: language, angst, lots of angst

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: Pulling something out of my drafts because I haven’t been able to write new stuff the past few days. But hey, it’s still something lol. Sorry to put our boy through this, but I had to do it. Took a couple prompts from This Post, “I said I love you,” and, “Fuck’s sake, what’s your problem?” and I ran with them. Our boy needs some hugs after all this. 🥺

Angel Tag: @queenbeered @mayans-sauce @helli4nthus @angelreyesgirl @starrynite7114 @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @appropriate-writers-name @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 (if you want to be added feel free to let me know!)

You were sitting across the table from him, running your hands over your face. You had been locked in the same conversation with each other for hours. There had been bouts of silence as you both processed everything that was happening around you, everything that was happening between you.

“Hey,” Angel reached across the table so he could take your hands in his, “I said I love you.”

“I heard you,” your voice was soft and you pulled your hands away from him and rested them in your lap.

You saw tears gathering in his eyes and you couldn’t force yourself to look at him. The conversation between the two of you had been a long time coming. It was on you that things had gone this far already. You hadn’t expected things between the two of you to last for so long. You knew that Angel’s priorities would always lie with the club, and that you couldn’t be the kind of person who would always be coming in third or fourth place to a bunch of other things. He said that he could change, but you didn’t want him to. You knew that he would offer you anything to keep from being alone. You wanted to be more than that—more than just someone to keep his bed warm for him at night.

“I don’t get where this is all coming from, Querida,” he shook his head, “Why are we just talking about all of this now?”

“I figured that you would’ve gotten bored of me way before now,” your eyes were glued to the table, “I know how fucked up that sounds. But you gotta admit, it’s not like before me you had the longest attention span when it came to women.”

He scoffed, “Are you kidding me? Are you telling me that you went into this just assuming it was going to burn out?” he threw his hands up and let them fall to his sides, “Fuck’s sake, what’s your problem? How can you just sit there and say that to my fuckin’ face?”

“Where do you really see this going? What does the future for the two of us look like to you?”

“I don’t fuckin’,” he shook his head, “Why is that such a big deal all of a sudden?”

“Because it’s my life, Angel! And it’s yours, too! You should think it’s a big deal!”

“You didn’t want a future with me anyway,” he shook his head, rolling his eyes, “So fuck it, right?”

“If we can make this work, Angel, I want that,” you wiped the tears away before they had the chance to roll down your cheeks, “I really do. But I can’t go my whole life feeling like I don’t even make it onto your priority list. I know the club is your life. I just,” you take a shaky breath, “I wish there was room for me in your life too.”

“What do you think this is then, huh?” he gestures to the room, “What the fuck else is this if it’s not me making room for you in my life? I’m sitting here, telling you that I love you and I don’t want you to leave, and that’s still not fucking good enough? I’m telling you I want you to live here with me, and that’s not good enough?”

“Not wanting to be alone, and actually wanting to build a future with me, are two totally different things,” you waited for him to look at you, “I can see it on your face that you are torn between what you actually want, and what you feel like you should want. You think that you should want to be ready to settle down and have me move in and do the whole wife and kids thing. But you’re not. And that, that’s fine. But I need someone who is ready to work towards that. And that’s fine too.”

The two of you sat in silence. The only sound was the ticking of the clock on the wall. You weren’t sure why you were letting this conversation continue—it wasn’t like he was going to make you change your mind. But there was the smallest part of you that hoped maybe, even if the two of you couldn’t make it work now, that maybe if you gave him enough to think about, that down the road your two paths would cross again. There was that tiny sliver of hope in you, because you couldn’t say that you didn’t love Angel. You just knew that now was not the right time for you, and you couldn’t waste more time hoping for something that might not happen.

“I still love you, Y/N,” he stared up at the ceiling for a moment before meeting your eyes again, “I ain’t taking that back.”

You smiled despite the tears on your face, “I didn’t think that you would.”

He tapped his fingers on the table, “Now what?”

You took a deep breath, “Now we try to keep figuring it all out, I guess. We’re just…doing it separately now.”

“I still want you in my life, you know. I don’t want you to just leave and then I never hear from you again.”

“I’m not disappearing off the face of the earth. I’ll still be around,” you stood up and took a deep breath, “But I think for now it’s best if I go back home. I can, um, I can come by sometime in the next week or so to get my things.”

He nodded, knowing that the time for arguing was over. There was no getting you back, “Okay. Just, you know, give me a call and I’ll make sure I’m here,” he stood up, “I’ll walk you out.”

You weren’t expecting him to cool down so quickly, but you were thankful for it. You didn’t want the last words you said to each other to be screamed. You followed close behind him as you walked to the front door. He opened it and the two of you stood in the doorway, unsure of how to say goodbye.

He pulled you against his chest, squeezing you tight like he was soaking up every feel and scent that he could. You felt his body tremble slightly and it made tears spring up into your eyes. You gave into his touch, allowing yourself to lean into him. You felt his lips press against the top of your head and for a moment you wanted to go back on everything that you had just said.

You pulled away and smiled at him through your tears, “Take care of yourself, Angel. Don’t go doing anything stupid when I’m not here to take care of you.”

He chuckled, nodding as he ignored the fact that he had tears on his face as well, “Yea, I’ll try.”

[alygatorwrites]

congrats again on 2k aly!! you deserve this and so much more <3 but anywho, now onto my very awkward ✨soulmate application✨ (sfw or nsfw headcanons are okay with me btw!!)

so my name is salem (as you know ofc), my pronouns are she/her n i'm a bisexual taurus who's pretty stubborn, loves cuddles, loves to sleep n generally speaking is just a sensitive ol' homebody! i'm pretty midsized-chubby, 163cm (so...5ft3?) n i have shaggy black hair, brown eyes and super soft hands which are available for holding whenever and wherever! which ties into my love languages which are physical touch n acts of service <3 as for my hobbies, i guess this is obvious but i like to write 😭 n i also really love to cook as well (i'm a great chef, trust me)

okay that should be enough i think?? it's maybe a little too much now that i'm looking at it but hey at least i'm thorough!

♡ 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐨

→ your stubbornness is what would make you stand out to porco. in fact, it's the first thing he notices about you! this man is headstrong with a great deal of iron-will, and meeting someone who is similar in that aspect catches his attention. while this could cause some passionate disagreements, porco respects how loyal you are to your beliefs. he even looks forward to see how long you stick to them. the way you refuse to change an opinion or course of action just because someone says so .... that's what porco loves. it shows that you have an intense passion for things just like he does, and your obstinate determination is actually a turn on sometimes. this would send him through a loop, making that internal monologue go from, "damn, she's annoying," to "it probably wouldn't be bad to know her," and then "yea, i gotta fuck her"

→ physical attraction galore. between your dark hair, brown eyes, and your body, porco thinks you're the sexiest person in the world. you'd be an absolute dream; a perfect a feast for his hands. he's a sucker for chub, and loves how pliant and silky the skin is under every touch. porco has no qualms telling you about how hot you are either. and the way you'd look at him? porco is instantly down bad. the depth your eyes hold is all-consuming, and he'd always be searching for that certain spark in them. if you really want to see his resolve physically crumble, give him 'puppy-dog' eyes. every single time, porco has to turn away and stuff both hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket. he'd probably end up giving you whatever you wanted if he didn't.

→ porco is a scorpio, and you're a taurus — two opposing signs! in the astrological world, this means that you can complement each other perfectly. the complex bond between these zodiacs is full of excitement, snarky fun, and challenge; this leads to an intense emotional connection. because scorpio and taurus have venus as a ruler on one hand, and the passionate element of water on the other, an eternal love is bound to be formed quite easily. it's also known that these signs have high sexual energy. this would make you and porco take part in various sexual encounters and many experiences of physical pleasure to bring you together.

→ porco has a need for security. the good thing is, your sensitivity would allow you to provide that for him!

→ the love language of physical touch would draw porco away from his comfort zone, leading to some amazing character development! you'd really bring the best out of him. it's only natural that his closed-off attitude leaves him touch-starved, which makes you a great fit; once porco indulges himself in gestures that may have otherwise been shrugged off, he'd be hooked. the bastard isn't good with sappy words, so showing it would become a top priority too. his favorite ways to touch you is to run a hand down your arm as you speak, draping an arm behind your head on the couch, or kissing you deeply while cuddling. holding hands is also a must for porco — not just because he enjoys the softness of your fingers — but also because he's very protective. this makes him seek out your affection a lot, whether he realizes it or not (don't bring it up though or he'll get embarrassed!)

→ he’d come to learn the other portion of your love language as well! though he may look disgruntled about it at first, porco will perform little acts of service for you <3 seeing your face light up is worth the knowing looks the others give him. eventually he just starts flicking them off because “fuck them and their stupid faces, i love you, so what? assholes”

→ porco has no problem with curling up on the sofa or on the mattress at any point: as long as it shuts everyone up, he doesn't care. frankly, porco would like your affinity for sleep! he's very adamant on you both sharing a bed together, as being able to wallow in the soft haze of dawn with someone is special to him. listening to your slowed breathing, watching the flutter of your lashes, and cradling you tight is what makes porco's mornings. ask for him to be there while you take a nap, and the man is already on the way.

→ he'd act nonchalant whenever you walked in the room, but don't be fooled. there's a very well-known fact about this man; when his big mouth doesn't say something, his face definitely will. with the way porco's brows raise slightly, and how his frown softens for a second as his gaze settles on you — it's obvious that he's very pleased to be in your presence, no matter how much he tries to keep it a secret.

♡ 𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

→ porco views sex as three things: a task to pass the time, something to blow off steam, and a way to get you to shut up whenever you piss him off.

→ your bisexuality is fine with porco, and honestly? as long as he still gets to play with you, he wouldn’t mind bringing someone else into the bedroom. pieck, hitch, reiner, zeke — it doesn’t matter. his jealousy would act up, but it would only translate into him fucking you relentlessly once everyone’s gone. porco just needs you to remember that you’re his whore and no one else’s.

→ wanna get him riled up? say you thought he could make you cum better, but make sure to have a wheelchair in transit.

→ porco is a confident, arrogant person, and this definitely shows in the bedroom. he always calls the shots with a wicked smirk on his face. be prepared, because whatever action gets you a writhing mess will become a recurring thing.

→ that black hair of yours is fucking gorgeous to him — especially when it swirls so perfectly around your face — but he wants it out of the way to see the expressions you’re making. expect to have the strands wrestled into porco’s hands and harshly tugged back!!

→ a fast learner, he memorizes your sexual desires and prioritizes them!! he’s still gonna expect some shit in return though. especially blowjobs.

→ with an extremely high libido, porco could pounce on you any time of the day and anywhere. it doesn't matter if the others are planning on coming over; if it were up to him, he'd fuck you on the couch so they'd walk in on it. a meeting? he'd just lean you over the desk. at a party? get ready to have your back blown out in a stall. there's nothing can satisfy porco's constant hunger for you.

→ morning hook ups are a fave!!

→ if he can’t get alone with you because of work, porco becomes all pissy and acts like a dick. he just can’t help it, yknow? when there’s finally an opening in both schedules, he teases you about how much you’ve probably missed his cock and all that. ask him if he’s thought about you in return, and the man denies it on the spot ... but the way you caught him secretly jacking off in the bathroom just moments before speaks VOLUMES!!! 🙄

→ porco always wants your attention on him as he plows into you. close your eyes or don't listen to be stubborn, and he's already forcing you to look at him once more. "what a fuckin joke. you're doing it again," porco usually sneers in these moments, grabbing you by the chin. "babe, hey — salem — look at me." the use of your name works most of the time, and it honestly sets him off; you're just so pliant on his cock <3

[zirkkun]

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 47

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: simple chapter, i know. i tried to make it more dramatic but i love them and i like when theyre happy lol. it gets worse in the next chapters tho. :X btw, sorry for this very bad chapter.

PLEASE, i would love to know what you think about Louis and Olivia’s relationship/friendship or what you want to happen or expect to happen to them. he’ll be a LOT more present in the next few chapters so i really need to know.

no request for this chapter! some planned for the next :)

Chapter 47 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I kept looking at the time on my phone and my leg wouldn't stop shaking. It's only when Louis put his hand on one of my knees that I looked up but even his warm and compassionate smile couldn't stop stress from invading me.

"Don't worry, he'll be there soon."

I sighed but sent him a smile anyway as I looked around the living room. I had invited home a lot of Niall's friends for his birthday and had imagined a nice evening with cake, beer and games but it was already late and he wasn't home yet. He knew I had prepared that since he was very busy these days and I wanted to make sure he'd be there but even if he had promised, he was extremely late. In fact, the word 'late' didn't really apply anymore. I would have used the word 'absent' instead.

Everyone was having fun anyway, chatting and drinking, but I couldn't seem to let go and when the clock told me it was 2am, I knew it was over. My gaze moved on the pile of gifts waiting for him and I just closed my eyes, swallowing hard. His friends started to leave one by one, first with Julie and Liam, followed by Harry and his girlfriend and after half an hour, I watched Louis close the door behind Willie. As soon as it was only us two, I quickly broke into tears and Louis ran to me, catching me before I let myself fall completely on the living room floor.

"Hey, hey, it's okay darling." he whispered near my ear, helping me sit on the couch before I brought my legs up and close to my body. "You know it's because he's busy right?"

I moved away from him, suddenly a bit mad, and sent him a frown.

"I don't give a fuck!" I just let out, feeling my heart beat hard and fast against my rib cage. "I told him, I asked him a million times, and he promised, Louis! He promised!"

I thought he would get annoyed but instead, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. I started crying again, the sound of my sobs muffled by his sweatshirt. He didn't say a word and I was so thankful that he stayed that I just closed my eyes and tried to focus on the beating of his heart to calm down. It took a few minutes but it finally worked and I moved away from him, wiping my tears and placing my hair behind my ears while I sniffed.

"It's not the first time, you know." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows and looking down at my fingers playing with my mood ring. "He's been canceling plans for a few weeks now. I'm just so tired and I miss him. And this time he promised."

"I know darling, I know."

"The truth is, i've never felt so alone." I admitted, feeling my heart break more. "I mean don't take it personal, no offense, I know we hang out and text and shit, but everything is so different without Niall."

"None taken." he said in a very low tone. "I know exactly what you mean."

I looked up in his eyes and I could read how hurt he was. I knew how much he missed Eleanor and how he still loved her and I was not really sure why he didn't just call her and tell her that this breakup was a mistake.

"I know you do."

He sent me a sad smile and brought one of his hands to my cheek, running his thumb under my eye to catch the tears and wipe them off.

"I'm sure he'll have a good reason." he added, making me close my eyes and sigh.

It took an other hour until I heard the key in the lock. Louis and I had turned the lights off to watch a movie but we both fell asleep on it. The screen was blue for some odd reason and the sound of my boyfriend walking in woke me up. I sat up and rubbed my eyes with a frown. His lips curled slightly when our eyes met but I felt my heart shatter at his sight.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up, thought you'd be in bed, it's over 3am."

My lips parted and I saw him turn his head, his eyes falling on the pile of gifts. I saw his traits change as he looked around the room noticing the glasses and the food and after a few seconds, he closed his eyes and sight low.

"Oh my god, you forgot." I pointed out as I got up.

I could feel myself getting mad but after a few seconds I realized that I was not angry. I was sad and disappointed.

"You fuckin' forgot." I repeated slightly louder.

"What? No..."

"Don't lie to me, Niall!" I cut him, frowning more. "I can read your facial expressions better than your own mother."

By then it was impossible for Louis to still be asleep but I didn't look back to confirm it. All I could do was stare at my boyfriend, my lips parted as I tried to keep the tears in again. After a while, he gave in and took his cap off, throwing it on the couch before passing his hand in his hair. I looked at him as the lights from cars outside illuminated his face, and beyond the anger or the sadness, I felt the need and love I had for him overpass everything else. I knew he was busy, and I did understand why, but at the same time, I couldn't help but feel like I was losing him slowly.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I really am."

"Everyone was here, we all took time for you Niall, and you weren't there. We didn't even cross your mind of all fucking night."

I wanted him to say it wasn't true, that he at least had thought about me, but instead, he groaned low and let both his arms fall on each side of his body.

"I said I was sorry I mean, what else do you want me to do?"

"That doesn't mean that I have to be fine with it and get over it immediately." I pointed out, making him close his eyes again.

"Look, we can talk about it tomorrow okay? I just want my bed right now."

I knew he was exhausted and so was I, and I knew he didn't want to have this conversation but I couldn't help it. I felt a hand on my lower back and turned around quickly only to see Louis sending me a look that seemed to tell me to relax and I sighed low.

"Yea i'm tired too, i'll leave you guys." he walked to Niall and sent him a smile. "Happy birthday, Neil."

They hugged and I crossed my arms on my chest, waiting until Louis was gone, but when Niall turned to me again, I knew the discussion was over.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

He walked past me and brushed his fingertips on my arm, giving me a small shiver. I didn't move at all and when he was almost in the hall, he turned to me and frowned.

"You comin'?" he asked again, raising his eyebrows.

Every time he touched me, I felt something electric cross my entire body. I didn't care if it was cheesy, it was still the truth. I thought the feelings Niall gave me when we were not dating were intense but now that we were together, it was even worse. I never really believed what I read in books about the chemistry two persons could have, or how special a connection with someone could be, but now that I was living it, I wondered how I could live if I ended up losing him. I just didn't want to think about it.

"Maybe I should sleep at my place for tonight."

"You're not serious." he just let out with a frown, shaking his head a bit. "It's officially been my birthday for a few hours, I don't want you to leave."

"Yea and everyone was ready to party for you on a monday night. It only missed you."

He sighed and brought his hand to his face, moving his thumb and forefinger over both his eyes, rubbing them. I didn't know if it was just tiredness or if it was annoyance but I guessed on a bit of both.

"Please, darling, please stay."

I knew it bothered him that I had kept my apartment even if I spend all my time with him. Almost all my clothes and stuff were in his house and I knew most of my drawers were empty at my place but it didn't matter. I couldn't get myself to get rid of my lease and be fully in his house. I also had a hard time to call it my house and I really had no idea why.

"Please." he repeated.

He blinked a few times but his eyes met mine and he took a step closer. I licked my lips, well aware that he wanted to make a comment about the fact that I still had my apartment. I knew he wouldn't though, and not only because he was tired. It was mostly because his priority was to make me stay the night, and not to start a new argument between us.

"I'm still mad." I let out.

"I know."

He reached his arm out, holding his palm up and I just stared at it for a few seconds. It was a lie, I was not mad, but I was hurt. He had canceled so many plans, texted for rain checks several times a week and even left me by myself at the restaurant or the movies a few times. I knew he was working on a few songs and could spend a lot of time recording until it was exactly what he wanted, but it scared me because I knew the worst was to come. He would have to promote his song and go to interviews. I didn't even want to think about when he'd be ready to get an album out and go on tour, it was too much stress and it was useless for now.

I reached for his hand and quickly but gently, his fingers wrapped around mine. He pulled me with him to our room and when I closed the door behind him, I felt his arms around my waist. I turned around and took a step back as he took one forward. I felt my back press against the door and tilted my head, the left corner of my lips raising up.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't want to make you sad."

I was happy he didn't try to justify himself and I nodded slowly. My eyes fluttered close when I saw him move closer and his lips pressed softly against mine.

"Thanks so much for staying." He whispered against my mouth.  "Can I hold you against me all night?"

                                                      ---

"Why did you bring me here, Niall?"

It was tuesday afternoon and I was still tired. It felt like I hadn't slept at all the night before. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened and even if I felt like I should get over it, and wanted to get over it, I couldn't seem to.

"I just want to make you happy." he shrugged a shoulder as he pulled on my arm to enter the mall. "I remember you wanted a new game right? Mario something? And you mentioned a pair of earrings you thought were pretty, I remember. Also we can get take out from that thai restaurant you like, and I was thinking-"

I stopped walking and shook my head, cutting him before he could add anything. My fingers slid on his and my arm fell on my side.

"What are you trying to do, Niall?"

He walked closer to me and put his hands in his pockets.

"Are you trying to make me forgive you for last night?" he didn't answer and I knew I was right. "I don't want your money Niall. I don't want gifts and jewels and food. I want to spend time with you. I want you to keep your promises. You can't just buy forgiveness."

His face changed and he looked down.

"You want to make me happy?" I asked with an amused smile, raising my eyebrows.

His eyes met mine and he frowned, clearly unsure of what I had planned but I just grabbed his hand and brought him with me.

"Oh god." he whispered when he realized what I wanted to do, making me laugh even more.

I pulled on his arm to get him in the photo booth with me as he tried to get money from his pocket and I jumped slightly on my seat, pressing my lips together to hide my smile.

"You are a child." he let out, putting his change in the machine.

"Take that damn cap off!" I let out, grabbing it and taking it off his head and ignoring his comment just as the first click was heard.

We both turned to each other and started laughing as the second click happened and when he yelled "grimace!", I pulled my tongue out and crossed my eyes until the third picture was taken.

"Come here."

Gently but quickly, he cupped my face and moved closer. I felt his warm palms on my cheeks and closed my eyes when his lips reached mine. I knew the fourth picture was taken but I brought my hand on top of his and deepened the kiss.

"I did forget and i'm so sorry." he whispered against my mouth before kissing me deeply again. "I'm just so busy  I mean, my schedule is so hectic."

I sighed and pulled away, a bit annoyed that unlike the night before, he was trying to justify himself. Of course, i knew he was busy and I understood. I just felt neglected and even if I knew it was a bit selfish, I couldn't help it. I didn't answer him and just got out of the booth, taking the pictures who were already printed and looked at them. I smiled when I realized he was making an exaggerated surprised face on the first one and chuckled when I saw us laugh in the second one. The way he looked at me made my heart twist in my chest until I felt a presence behind me.

"The second one is nice." he pointed out as if he was reading my mind before pointing the last one, moving his arm over my shoulder. "I'm sorry i'm hiding almost all your face with my hands on this one."

My lips curled in a soft smile as my eyes were glued to the picture. I thought it made the picture even better. The way his hands were pressed on my face and how I could still feel the tip of his fingers behind my ears and on my neck made a shiver cross my back.

"Don't be. That's just how you kiss." I admitted, pressing my lips together. "I love it."

We remained a few seconds in silence, just staring at the pictures of us in my hands, and he finally took a step back and sighed.

"Okay, let's go eat."

I turned to him and raised my eyebrows but he just sent me a smile.

"I'm not doing that to be forgiven, i'm just starving." he shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. "Besides, i'm not letting you pick the restaurant. I may even give you the bill."

I laughed and pushed on one of his shoulders gently, making him chuckle too.

"Fine, let's do that." I agreed. "I just got paid this morning. My dad was a bit late on my last pay."

"I was kiddin', there's no way i'm letting you pay anything."

I started laughing and shook my head before raising my eyebrows.

"We'll see who gets the bill first!"

                                                 ---

I thought things would get better but they didn't. I just lied in bed, my eyes wide open and all alone for the fifth night in a row. I knew he was getting prepared to put one of his songs out in a few days and I was aware of how excited he was. Niall was also a perfectionist and I knew he wouldn't come home until it was exactly what he had imagined but for some reason I didn't understand, I always felt nervous when he was not around.

I heard the front door open and it took less than a minute until he was undressed and laying in bed with me. I felt him turn around my way and sigh, probably thinking I was asleep. He moved one of his arms around my waist and pulled me closer with a groan, nuzzling on my nape, and I brought my hand over his slowly.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, I wasn't asleep."

I felt him tense and he remained silent for a while until I heard his soft voice again.

"Why not?"

I didn't want to make him feel guilty by telling him that I felt stressed when he wasn't home. That I felt alone and lonely, that I felt sad and bad in general. Instead, I grabbed his fingers and squeezed them hard.

"Can you come home for lunch tomorrow?"

The room fell silent again and I held my breath until he talked.

"Dinner?" he negotiated. I could easily imagine his eyebrows raised and his puppy face. "I could do dinner."

"Be there at 6pm." I just replied, feeling his grip tighten around me and his lips leaving a small kiss on the back of my neck, making goosebumps appear.

"I promise on my life."

I knew he'd be there. Not only because he had disappointed me on his birthday but also because I had made sure he put 5 alarms on his phone. I left the sliding door half opened to hear him walk in and when he shouted "Hello?" and closed the door behind himself, I felt my lips curl. I remained sort-of hidden on the patio and glanced inside to see him frown as he read the paper I had left.

'It's a watergun fight. If I win you owe me a whole day with only me and your phone off. Good luck!'

I saw his lips curl and he chuckled low before looking up.

"What if I win?" he yelled loud enough to make sure I would hear since he had no idea where I was.

I watched him put the paper down and his hand reached for the neon green and flashy orange gun I had left for him. I moved out of his sight and leaned against the wall of the house.

"You won't win, Horan!"

He laughed. "But let's say I do. Then you'll spend a whole afternoon playing golf with me."

I grimaced painfully and leaned my head on the wall a bit too roughly, hurting me slightly.

"You're being unfair!" I yelled again. "Spending time with me is fun. Spending a whole afternoon hitting on tiny rubber balls is not!"

"You overestimate how entertaining you are." he let out, making me frown. I was pretty sure his voice sounded closer than it did before. "And you underestimate how incredible golf is."

"Okay then but if I win, I get to choose what we do and you can't complain."

"Deal."

I heard footsteps and my lips curled into a smirk. Either way, I was going to spend time with him and it's all I really cared about. I missed him more than I could explain and spending a few hours sleeping next to him every day was clearly not enough.

"How do we decide who wins?"

"By who's wetter." I explained, still smiling in an amused way.

"Then i'll win, you can't aim to save your life."

Without thinking, I turned around and moved in front of the sliding door, tilting my head with a smirk, my gun pointing at him. He was right in front of me, very close and aiming at me too, but I just bit my bottom lip.

"There's just one thing you should have asked yourself."

"What's that?" he frowned, suddenly suspicious at how confident I was.

"'Why is my gun so light?'"

His face changed in a fraction of second and when he tried to shoot at me, he realized I hadn't filled it with water. I didn't waste any time and took a shot. He closed his eyes and let out a curse word as I started laughing and ran down the stairs to get into the backyard. I hid away again, knowing he was filling his gun and when he appeared and walked down the stairs slowly, I held my breath.

"I hope you enjoyed that." he let out louder, holding his gun on his shoulder. "T'was the only shot at me you'll get today!"

I aimed at him again but my stream didn't reach him and he turned to me, sending me a smirk.

"Shit!" I let out before running away.

I kept looking back, trying to shoot him but he had better reflexes than me and I missed every time. On the other hand, he hit me many times and I could feel my hair and shirt completely wet, sticking to my back. I ran quick enough to hide again but this time, I stayed curled up next to the patio and waited for him to appear. His eyes roamed around the backyard and I stared at his back and down his pants to make sure he hadn't kept his phone on him. I breathed in and got up quickly, running to him. He turned around just in time to know exactly what I was doing but didn't have time to stop me. I pushed him slightly and watched his arms move in circles as he tried to get his balance back without success and finally fell in the pool.

I was a bit surprised by my own audacity and it's only when his head emerged from the water that I realized I was still holding my breath. He moved his hair out of his face and my heart skipped a beat at how hot he was. His gun was floating, drifting away from him slowly and my lips curled.

"I won." I let out with a shrug. "You're wetter than me. In fact, you're drenched."

"You cheated!" he let out. I could see his feet moving in the water to keep his head out but he remained in place. "Twice!"

"Fine!" I gave in, moving my arms up, capitulating. "We both won. So one day together without phones where I decide everything, and one afternoon playing golf."

His lips curled into a large smile and he nodded slowly.

"Deal."

I watched him get out of the pool and pull on his shirt so it doesn't stick and mold his chest anymore. He passed his hand in his hair and walked up to me, quickly wrapping his arms around me. I did the same and closed my eyes as he hugged me tight and after a while, I felt him lean his cheek against the top of my head.

"I know why you did that, you know." he admitted in a low tone. "I know we barely spend time together anymore. It'll change, I promise. I know i'm gonna have interviews and stuff after my song comes out but I thought maybe you could come with me?"

My smile grew but I kept my eyes closed, hugging him tighter and making him chuckle.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes." I whispered, feeling suddenly lighter. "It's a yes."

[chuck-e-cheese-anime-faces]

My mother fuck all the tags out of order but I basically summed up my when fuckin life story of this site in the tags here hopefully y'all can read/understand at least some of it

what is tumblr to you and what situation do you find yourself using it most

[oyemaggi]

Hey it's me again ,

It's 2 in the morning and I'm sitting on the porch , counting stars to overcome my bipolar instincts all alone with lot of things popping up in my head so here I'm writing it again in my notes to keep those things , to look back when i would be whole and have had overcame my all anxieties and FOMO , like how Loneliness haunts me in the middle of night as uncertainty pouring down . While world is sleeping and I'm feeling hell to the ground with lot of unanswered questions plus notes i never ever told anyone ,.... Does it only happens to me ? How ppl adapts to these fuckin selfish society things ? How ppl control their emotions ? How they cheats ppl over ppl and still feels better again ? Would I ever be loved by the person I wanted to spend eternity ? Like so many things.....

I guess there should be any subject in school to teach all these values ... (XD) and yes how our society can ignore such things ? Tell it prototype at the same time. If they does it's good and when i do it's worse than hell.

This is making me feel a big void in my heart all the time to end up with the suicidal thoughts sometimes as I'm not meant to be feel loved either appreciated here ....

but some responsibilities , priorities to choose family over anything keeps me up for a while ... ( The lesson my nanu taught me while i used to be a kiddo "FAMILY ABOVE ALL' )

I guess I'm somewhat somewhere built from overthrown sadness , emptiness ppl usually don't give a fuck about .... So a part of me always feels like heartbroken , betrayed and half empty w.r.t. all the efforts I've ever thrown uptill ppl .... Why do i care so much about every little things on my way ? And here comes a point 'all these care , love wala things only has always been given to them who always has ignored it , unlucky me here again !!

This is really weirdest thing anyone could ask from himself but here I'm hiding , holding all these emotions deep down , making ppl happier (basically entertaining) with the all those efforts to get back a simple hello form the hell* but it always fades away in between and leads me to the middle of nowhere .. I always question myself how/why ppl cares for us ? And in return i got nothing to hold on to just me only , for me only , a unlucky fellow ...whose happiness is momentary ....

and yea these days I've got an strange self destructive habit like smoking and drinking just because whenever i feel high it gives me happy vibes and feels like top of the world , that's the happiness for me these days !! Ppl has never understood me in this way even my closest ones , What i wants and always wanted just someone's support while fixing myself, not to fix me ... I'm enough to deal with these shits but sometimes all you needed is a shoulder to hang on to.... And it sucks all the time!!! Instead of giving me a little hope by hugging or telling things would be okaie why do just they makes it complicated and most of the time they all just run away ........

PS- Nothing feels right these days 😭😭

but anyway thanks @creatingnikki . Your writing inspires me alot & i really liked the way you use to pen out letters to self plus yes Offcourse your almost every post resonates my feelings , just hope you'd understand what I'm going through .....

- just an infj paper'cut survivor trying to express even not wanting to ..... x :(

[euphanisms]

dnp venus signs

so i was reading up on Dan & Phil’s natal charts kind of recently, specifically their Venus signs, to get a better understanding of their relationship & love languages. a lot of us who are interested in astrology have probably looked into this already, but i just wanted to compile some stuff here in case this is new to you

i added a couple of my own notes into what i’ve copypasta’d from Cafe Astrology, but i’m sure you’ll be able to see other parallels in this text as well

Dan ~ Venus in Leo

Venus in Leo men and women have high expectations, but once you know that these expectations revolve only around how much attention you are giving them, you’ll see that they are really quite big-hearted about most everything else. They are threatened by a relationship that appears to have settled too much, or one that’s lost its spark(1). They are also threatened by indifferent or impersonal behavior on your part(2).

a cool thing about Dan & Phil’s relationship is it’s always ALWAYS been fresh. it’s always been an adventure. even just meeting each other was charged with so much excitement. then they moved in together for the first time & started the radio show, & then after being constant sources of inspiration to each other for their personal channels, they started DanAndPhilGAMES. TATINOF, TABINOF. II. all of their side projects. their travels, moving houses, growing as people & becoming famous. all by each other’s sides. so it’s no wonder that Dan feels safe in his relationship with Phil: they’ve never lost that spark.

sounds like our sweet, jealous Dan

Although their needs for physical expression through sex are generally quite strong, their need for love is perhaps even stronger(1). It is hard for Venus in Leo people to separate love and sex, and even their most erotic fantasies are infused with love and affection. For this reason, few Venus in Leo folk would last long in a relationship that is mostly sexual. On the flip side, they may last longer in a love-only relationship in the absence of satisfying sex, but they are unlikely to feel very satisfied(2).

yea like. we been knew that Dan loves him some sex. but his edgy exterior isn’t quite covering the glaringly obvious softie within. this boy straight up just wants to be loved, & he’s not gonna let many people close enough to give him that (hi Phil)

is it just me or is this screaming 2012? when dnp were carefully & cautiously maintaining a very obvious distance from each other, they still stayed together. they still wanted to live together & work together. they were still so close. we can’t truly know what happened away from cameras & the internet, but we know that while their relationship may have changed, their bond did not.

Pleasing Venus in Leo involves paying loads of attention to them. If you’re willing to make only one adjustment in your ways, it should be to remind Leo how wonderful they are(1). Respect and appreciate them, always. Put up with their childlike moments and their tall tales. They want to be seen as attractive by you, so avoid (at all costs!) putting them down in this area(2). They actually lose interest when they perceive the slightest loss of interest in their partner, and you can expect that any letdown will be acted out in a dramatic fashion. Remind them, in a gentle way, that your emotions count too. If you are feeling a little jealous, let them know. Remember, to Venus in Leo, your small jealousies are affirmations that you find them attractive and expect the rest of the world to as well(3). Let them decide where to go on a date, and let them pay too. When Venus in Leo feels loved and appreciated, they reward you with loyalty, a big sense of fun, and plenty of physical expressions of their love.

yep. Dan loves attention.

to me, it always seems like Phil is genuinely happy to allow Dan his little Extra Moments™. he’s just giggling good-naturedly & looking at Dan like sunshine is coming out of his ass. & you better believe Dan is fucking Thriving off of that

@ jealous Dan 👀 u seeing this, babe? yeah, Phil’s hot. people with eyes are gonna look at him. but dw, you already got him. he fucking loves you. you can breathe.

Love is magnificent and grand to Venus in Leo people. They take pride in love and their love relationships, and they are typically generous with their money(1). This is a warmhearted, teasing, expressive, proud, and extravagant placement for Venus. Love is a bit of a game–a game that is perpetual, as Venus in Leo is forever stuck in the romance stage of a relationship(2). They feed on attention, acknowledgement, validation, and adoration. Venus in Leo loves to be adored, pampered, and admired(3). They have a strong ego investment in their love lives. The negative expression of this placement is overstating of feelings simply for the effect, as well as extravagance(4).

i know we all love the idea of sugar ddy Capita£ester, but i also bet Dan has his own little ways of spoiling Phil that would probably make us all dissolve into a pathetic pile of tears & puke if we knew 💕

immediate visual of Heart Eyes Howell

i think this is part of why Dan does so well with YouTube & liveshows & all that, despite his introversion & social anxiety: he’s got a really deep-seated need for validation & adoration.

ahem

Venus in Leo people may spend a lot on entertainment or sometimes just to show off! They generally are big tippers and give special and generous gifts. They are attracted to art, furnishings, clothing, and music that is bold and passionate, renaissance, lush or opulent, lavishly comfortable, and romantic(1).

like if that doesn’t have Dan’s name written all over it idk what does

Phil ~ Venus in Sagittarius

When Venus in Sagittarius people are in love, they need to feel they can grow and expand their horizons through their relationship. They want to learn new things, and experience everything together(1). These are idealistic lovers who want you to appreciate their beliefs, visions, and ideals. They can be a confusing mix of the lighthearted and serious(2). They are roamers and seekers, and don’t commit in their relationships as easily as others.

now who do we know who are attached at the hip & have been through every major milestone in their adult lives together? 🤔🤔 i’ll echo what i said for Dan: every success they’ve achieved, all their self-growth... they’ve attained together or by each other’s sides. i’m not crying you are

P H I L - WHAT DOES THAT SPELL

Venus in Sagittarius men and women turn others on with their big smiles and laughs, their jokes, their grand schemes, their dreams, and their friendly, flirtatious behavior(1). They pride themselves on their open minds, but you may notice they can be judgmental too. They are threatened by inhibitions on the part of their lover, dullness, and emotional overkill. They are restless, and won’t put up with lovers who dwell on any one thing. When the going gets tough in their relationship, they have an overwhelming need to run away. Usually this only means getting out and experiencing something new before they come back, but sometimes it can be for good(2). They are attracted to people in love with life. You don’t need to be refined, polished, or graceful to win their favor(3).

aka Phil’s entire channel + why we all love him to fucking death. also, the friendly, flirtatious behavior thing?? omfg, they’ve got his fuckin number there

man, i mean. again: we don’t for sure know all of what happened in 2012. but we do know that their relationship is resilient. maybe that’s in part due to the distance they placed between themselves. who knows

good news, Dan :+)

Pleasing Venus in Sagittarius involves allowing them lots of room in the relationship to grow. Avoid getting stuck in a rut, and understand their need to move on. Learn to laugh, but take their rants and raves seriously(1). Avoid criticizing their beliefs, join them in debates, and philosophize along with them. When they feel the need for more experience, join them! Learn to look past their clumsiness with you and your feelings, and avoid cornering them or forcing them to commit(2).

“So what japes do we have planned for today, Phil?” Dan asked, a fond smile playing at his lips even as his eyes flicked skyward for a half-second. yeah, we see that all the time. Dan is very good at going along with whatever silly thing Phil wants, & that is important

Phil is clumsy... he might be clumsy with feelings sometimes too. that’s pretty normal for Aquarius (his sun sign) as well

Romantic adventures, as well as a straightforward–even blunt–approach to love(1), are themes with Venus in Sagittarius. Truth and higher meaning are things that take priority with Sagittarius. There can be some inconstancy and possibly a tendency to escape or flee when love is too complex, intricate, or needy(2).

hey remember 18 year old Dan tweeting to Phil like his life depended on it until he got a response? & then remember how fucking openly flirty Phil was with him all the time after that? pepperidge farm remembers

yikes. i mean i’m js: this is likely a tough point of contention that they deal with often in their relationship. Dan is a v emotional dude. Phil might find the need to detach himself from that intensity sometimes & i guarantee that Dan is Not having it. :/

They are usually sincere, upright, and straightforward about what they want. They enjoy getting to know a lover on a philosophical level, exchanging ideas, and experiencing things together(1).

again, i really feel like this is their whole life together. they’re always bouncing ideas for content off of each other, talking about pop culture & world events, & everything they experience (say it with me) they experience together.

Venus in Sagittarius people are not always especially attached to personal possessions. They are not known to be especially frugal(1), although some of them equate money with freedom, and will gladly put money aside for travel.

js

all in all: these boys work stupid well together. in love, creativity, friendship, & their professional life. it’s literally written in the stars. sorry i don’t make the rules

Venus Signs - Cafe Astrology

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Ohana: Part 2

Pairings: Negan x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff

Word Count: 3,179

Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you have anyone that needs prosthetics?” You asked Negan as you walked through the building where you had gotten your prosthetic years before.

“We’ve got a guy missin’ an arm. Don’t know what the fuck you can do with that.” You nodded as you pushed open the doctors office door.

“There’s enough information in here that I can learn how to fit a prosthetic. Won’t be top quality but it’ll be better than nothing.” Your eyes scanned the books on the shelves and you smiled slightly at the titles. “Damn this guy read a lot.” You mumbled more to yourself as you pulled out a book called ‘Procedure desk reference’. “This shit’ll come in handy.”

“Dwight! Come grab this shit!” Negan called out as you pulled another thick volume off the shelf titled ‘Physicians' Desk Reference for herbal medication’. 

“Have you guys checked out any doctors offices around here for supplies?” You asked as you handed Dwight the two books and turned to the desk.

“Didn’t think about it, honestly and Carson was fucking useless and didn’t suggest it.” You nodded as you grabbed the two tablets off the desk and yanked the power cords from the wall.

“Here’s a whole list of doctors that should come in handy.” You said as you grabbed the rolodex off the doctor’s desk. “I know he referred me to a psychiatrist, which means mental health drugs. I know this guy is an orthopedic surgeon and he did his surgeries in the same building his office was in, meaning he could have anesthesia. Oh, this guy is pain management and always had some good under the table samples…”

“Well damn, sweetheart. Who fucking knew that dealing with your crazy ass would be so fucking fruitful.” Your face deadpanned as you looked up at him through your lashes.

“Shut up.” You muttered as you closed the top to the rolodex and tucked it under your arm. “I gotta go find myself my new leg and see what I can bring back that could be useful.” With a simple nod from Negan, you dipped into the hall and headed down to the therapy room. You stepped around members of the crew, who were searching every single nook and cranny for anything useful, and headed to the room that housed all the prosthetics. 

You walked along the line to find the part of the shelf that had your name on it. You were supposed to get a new leg before the fall and dealing with it after wasn’t on your list of priorities after. With a smile, you pulled the polypropylene and titanium from the shelf and gave it a once over. With a nod, you tucked it under your arm and grabbed the new protective sleeve that came with it as a guttural growl came at you.

“Shit!” You shouted as you lost your balance and toppled to the floor on your ass as one of the dead techs landed beside you. You scooted out of his grasp a little too late and he wrapped his hands around your old prosthetic finally breaking the pylon off the socket. You yanked your stump free and grabbed a limb off one of the shelves.

“Swear to fuck.” You shouted as you ripped off the hand with inhuman strength and stabbed the deadie in the head. Dark brown blood splattered the room as you continued your assault. “Not today, mother fucker. Not- to- day.” When you were sure the asshole was completely dead, you shouted ‘Ooorah’ at the corpse and laid back on the floor with a sigh only to look up at Regina, Simon and Negan.

“I take it back.” Negan said. “Bitch can fucking protect herself.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hell does that even say?” You asked yourself as you squinted at the God-awful handwriting later that night as you tried to organize Dr. Carson’s notes into some semblance of order. After a moment, you gave up trying to figure out the scribbles and added it to the growing pile of ‘unknowns’ on your bed to your left between you and your sleeping daughter. You grabbed the  next page off the stack as someone knocked softly on your door.

“Yep.” You called out as you added the crumpled up paper to Cam’s pile and looked up at the door. You gave Negan a weak smile as he glanced down the hall before dipping into your room and closing the door behind him.

“How’s it goin’?” He asked as you grabbed the next piece of paper; a paper towel.

“If this man wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him out of principle for being a shitty doctor.” You added the note to Isabelle’s pile and grabbed the next one. “And on top of that, the amount of shit he wasted is disgusting. This Isabelle girl took seventeen pregnancy tests. Seventeen! Are you kidding me?” Negan huffed as he grabbed the chair from your desk and pulled it up to your bed side.

“Well she’s fucking dead and now you’re in charge of the clinic so you can make your own damn rules.” You nodded as you grabbed the next paper and squinted your eyes to try to find a name. “So we’re moving your clinic to a bigger room at the end of this hall for all you’ve fucking pulled off. Make it a little easier on you so you’re not going up and down the fucking stairs all the time, too.” You looked up at him as you set the paper down on Sherry’s pile and cocked your eyebrow. “We grabbed a bed from the fuckin’ hospital and one of those fuckin’ reclining chairs. That and the exam table you got gives you an actual fuckin’ hospital center.” You smiled at him and said a genuine ‘thank you’ but he brushed you off as he pulled something out of his pocket.

“I had the crew put all the shit in there for you to fuckin’ organize how you want it. I know how doctors are about their shit. Here’s the keys. You got the only copies to the med cart we grabbed but I have a copy to the lock we snagged off one of the fuckin’ doors at that second place.” You glanced at the keys in your hand and paused a bit as you saw not only your motorcycle keys but the hand made ‘I love you more’ keychain from Mike’s keyring.

“Damn.” You whispered as you brushed your thumb over your sister’s handwriting. You looked up at him with tears in your eyes and nodded. “Thank you.” He nodded his head as he reached out and gently placed his hand on your right thigh.

“I don’t know what the fuck it is about you, baby girl. But you make me wanna break all my own fucking rules.” You huffed a laugh as you jostled the keys in your hand before putting them on your bedside table.

“Oh yea? Like what?” He smirked and shrugged as he massaged his thumb into your thigh.

“Well… had any other prick pulled the stunts you did today and they’d fucking meet Lucille.” Your eyebrows flew to your hair line as he studied your face for your reaction. “The bat.” You pursed your lips and nodded slowly as he continued. “You going on a fucking run… no one gets to just fucking do it. But I fucking let you and I have no fucking idea why I did.”

“Usually it’s because people feel sorry for me because I’m missing a leg.” You said simply with a shrug as you looked down at his hand on your thigh. “So don’t beat yourself up over that shit.” You met his eyes again and you could see him slowly accepting your ‘get out of jail’ card.

“Yea… yea, you must be right.” You nodded at him again as he pulled his hand back to his lap. The two of you stayed quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. “Well anyways, you’re getting a fucking crew. Get your shit settled, figure out what you have and what you still fucking need. Dwight, Laura, and Gary are yours when they ain’t out with me. You get two trips a month; I can’t fucking afford to lose another doctor and I can’t fucking afford them being gone more often.” You nodded your head as he stood up from the chair and headed toward the door. He hesitated for a moment before looking back at you. “Don’t fucking make me regret this.”

——

“Any allergies that you know about?” You asked for what felt like the millionth time as you gave yet another person a quick physical in your new clinic. The man on your table shook his head as you checked his ears, nose and throat and tossed the cover into a box marked ‘clear’ so you could sterilize them and use them again in the future. You glanced up at him and as you ran your temple thermometer across his forehead. “Any pain, any bumps, or bruises? Scars, past surgeries, anything like that?” You glanced up at the man, who was focused solely on your exposed stump just like every other person you had had come in. With a sigh, you snapped your fingers in front of his face.

“Oh! Shit, sorry. No, no pain, surgeries or weird stuff.” You nodded as you entered in the information in his chart.

“Alright, we’re all set here. Nurse Lilo.” You turned to your daughter with a smile and she held up a lollipop with a smile of her own. The man huffed a laugh and took the offered treat on his way out the door. You let out a sigh as you watched him walk out.

“Mommy… why do they keep starin’ at you?” You saved the new chart quickly and looked up at your five year old with a smile.

“Because they are just curious, baby. They’ve never seen someone who was missing a leg before.” She nodded slowly as she tried to understand while you looked back at your list of people who lived at the Sanctuary you still needed to see.

“How come?” You looked up from your list, which now only consisted of Negan and Brenna, and sighed.

“How come what, sweetheart?” She looked up from your leg and searched your eyes.

“How come they wanna make you feel bad for being different?” You smiled at your little girl, who was too pure for this world, and scooted over to where she was sitting on the big chair from the hospital.

“Because they just don’t get that it can be hurtful. But you have to remember… we can’t control other people. So we just have to ignore them when they’re being rude and hurtful, right?” She nodded at you as you reached out and booped her nose before scooting back over to sanitize your table.

“You’re a good mom.” Negan said softly as he came into the clinic. You looked up at him with a  genuine smile and nodded.

“Thanks. I see you got my message to come see me when you got back?” He huffed a laugh and nodded as you scooted away from the end of the exam table.

“That I did. The fuck do you got for me, doc?” You smiled at him, actually glad he had made it back after his two week excursion to who knows where.

“Physical exam. Take a seat. Nurse Lilo?” Your little girl jumped off the chair and went over to close the door.

“The arm squeezer.” She said as she came over to do her portion of the exam. You helped her up onto your lap as Negan took a seat on your exam table. Brenna got a stern look on her face as you handed her the blood pressure cuff. “Arm please.” Negan chuckled as he took off his ever present leather jacket and offered up his arm while Brenna looked for the little arrow on the blue fabric.

“Line it up with the middle.” You reminded her as you pulled your stethoscope from around your neck. Your patient sat very still as you helped your little helper tighten the cuff around his muscular arm. You put your stethoscope in your ears and set the diaphragm in the crook of his arm as you handed her the pump. 

“Only to one-six-zero.” You reminded her as you clipped the gauge onto the holder and put your hand over hers. Negan watched as Brenna pumped with all her might to get the red line to hit 160 like she was supposed to. She smiled proudly when it finally made it and pulled her hands out from under yours so you could get an accurate reading. You glanced at your watch and could almost hear her whispered counting as you got the systolic and diastolic numbers.

“What’s your count, nurse?” You asked with one more glance at your watch as you let the rest of the air out of the bladder and took off your stethoscope.

“Four.” You nodded at her proudly as you put the blood pressure cuff on the counter and grabbed your tablet.

“What was she counting?” Negan asked as Brenna stood on the rolling stool with a foot on either side of your left thigh and held onto your pony tail for balance.

“Your respirations in fifteen seconds. Now, if you don’t mind, we have to take your pulse.” Negan laughed and nodded.

“Well who the fuck am I to stand in the way of my beautiful doctors?”

“Mommy…” Brenna giggled and you smirked and nodded.

“Yep, Negan says the very bad word a lot.” You watched his cheeks pink the slightest bit as you guided Brenna’s hand to the pulse point in Negan’s neck which was easier for her to feel.

“Sorry.” He said, receiving a glare from Brenna as you put her fingers on his jugular while yours went to the pulse point on his wrist.

“You gots be quiet!” She said to him. “I gots to count.” Negan put on a stern face and zipped his lips as you glanced at your watch.

“Ready?” You asked as you wrapped your arm around her middle so she wouldn’t fall over. “Go.” You forced yourself to tune out her out loud counting, which had gotten a lot better since she started counting people’s pulse a couple weeks before. She did mess up when she hit the teens but you knew she still needed a little more practice with those. “Time.”

“Good job, little doc.” Negan said as he held up his hand for a high five. Brenna hit it as hard as she could and he playfully shook his hand as if he was hurt. “Well daaa….ng, little one. You’re really strong!” She giggled and nodded her head as she sat back down on your legs. “What’s next?”

“Flexes.” She said as you placed a small rubber hammer in her hand and held on to it. “Now this could hurt.” She said sternly as she looked up at him. He nodded and furrowed his brow.

“Ok. I’m ready.” You guided Brenna’s hand and let her tap his knee. Negan, being the good sport he was, kicked his leg out a little dramatically and feigned shock. “Whoa! That’s never done that before! How did you do that?”

“Um…” Brenna said as you shifted her to your other thigh. “It’s a doctor secret so I can’t tell you.” You and your patient both fought to hold back your laugh as she did his other knee, receiving the same result.

“Alright, nurse. Your job here is done for now. Go prepare for your next part. This is our super special patient so you better pick the best one you got.” You said as she handed you the hammer and climbed off your lap. She nodded frantically as she climbed onto her chair and started digging through the bag of slightly stale lollipops for what she thought was the best one for her patient.

“So how am I, doc?” He asked as you added the data to his chart.

“Blood pressure’s normal. Pulse is a little high but it’s not concerning.” He nodded at you as you grabbed your stethoscope and moved your chair to stand up at his side. “Deep breath.” Negan let you finish you exam quietly but you couldn’t help but notice that he was constantly watching you unlike your other patients, who were simply watching your leg dangle. As you wrapped up your exam and asked him the standard general knowledge questions, you sat back down on your stool and smiled. “Well, you seem to be all good in my book.”

“Well that is great to hear.” He said as he put his jacket back on. “Is there anyone here that we need to be concerned about that you didn’t already know about?” You sat back in your chair as you finished inputting the last bit of info into his chart and your brow furrowed.

“Well… um let’s see.” You set your tablet down and looked up at the ceiling to recall the past two weeks of patients. “We have one woman that has severe arthritis but she refuses to leave the garden and I think her husband is in the early, early stages of Alzheimer’s so I’m gunna have to keep an eye on him. I’m gunna try to give Cam a prosthetic but Carson did a great job of butchering his stump so I don’t know if I’ll be able to without causing his nerves unnecessary pain. And other than a pregnancy test for one of those ladies in mourning, everyone was more interested in my stump then…”

“What the fuck did you just say?” You looked over at him and your brow furrowed.

“Which part?”

“Who took the fucking pregnancy test?”

“Oh!” You said as you grabbed your tablet and pulled up the chart, not realizing what you had just done. “Shit which one was… oh here it is. Amber. It came back negative but she was still crying so…” Negan nodded slowly as he pulled a leather glove out of his jacket pocket.

“Thank you. I’m gunna need you down in the fucking hall when you’re done in here. Take Brenna down to the day care first.” You nodded at him slowly as he stood up from the exam table and headed toward the door.

“Wait, your medicine!” Brenna called as she slid off the chair and ran over to him with the lollipop in her hand. He smiled at her as he crouched down at her side.

“Thank you Doctor Lilo. You did a great job today, princess.” She blushed violently as he ruffled her hair and stood back up. “Don’t be long, doc. I don’t like to wait.” You nodded at his back as you closed out Amber’s file and turned off your tablet.

“Alright, B. Let’s get you down to day care so mommy can figure out what’s going on.”

Part 3

[multifandomhoodies]

in the two minutes my brain was working i made this meme because i think it’s funny and while no one has told me to stop talking abt work i feel like this is lowkey accurate. 

this will probably be super annoying and basically a ramble but hey ! I dont care. rondo alla turca just came on and that’s incredibly accurate of my mind rn just that super fast part. anyways. im so sorry. 

hit that read more for the entire 2000+ word dissertation i wrote about work today.

so today was wild because fourth of july babey uh it didn’t start getting different until like,,,, 8 ish? mostly till then it was just regulars who are always in the park. i forgot my earmuffs so i couldn’t backpack blow when i wanted :c. nothing weird was in the bathrooms today! there was a lemonheads box in the women’s, but like,, that’s not very weird. i had several guests tell me that i was gonna have a rough day tomorrow w/ clean up and im like lol yeah Except i dont work tomorrow sorry tue-sat crew. love you. except fuck u danager. i had to get the cans along the beach and the guy that usually runs the beach comber wasn’t there so a different guy from the other park was doing it and he doesn’t run the beach comber v often and you could Tell. also this dude barely said anything to anyone except the one dude and honestly powermove. also he has Very long dreads. also this lady ? was laying like two feet away from where i had to backpack blow and she had the audacity to like, look at me? sorry lady its 8am the sun isnt even out stop sunbathing. anyways. i had to water the flowers i planted yesterday and after that it was breaktime (gang GANG) breaktime is like,, three hours after we start work but cleaning the bathrooms and backpack blowing and getting cans took forEVER. break was funny because it was just three of us in the breakroom and we were talking about the new manager who is. just a fucking asshole. he can choke. bitch. anyways. even tony doesnt like him and tony’s like so nice. i made a joke b4 we rolled out that liam could help me clean our part of the park and danager was like hey he can do that if you want to mulch and I thought it was mulching with HIm and I was like oh nO you thought hunty! i had to deal with your stupid ass yesterday! turns out it was just liam and tony and like honestly i would have done that that would have been super fun. and liam told me that he’d told tony about what happened yesterday with mulching. danager really called liam and i off of weedeating to mulch. at like, 1:30. we go on break at 2. he didnt care and was like oh you guys can just stay after and we’re like?? no?? unless we’re getting paid overtime and you dont have the power to make us do that? and liam today was like yeah if he does that shit again im leaving and tony and i agreed. im like ill walk home man. im leaving. tony said that even steve was getting pissed at him yesterday and steve’s a really chill dude. so collectively everyone’s like FUCk danager. and he came in from outside too and was like aight guys this is what we’re doing. hannah you should be able to weedwhip farther out away from your body. you hold the weedwhip too close and if you dont do that you can get a farther range. i kid you not the four of us that werent danager just started laughing. weedeaters (or weedw(h)ackers, or as ONLY danager says, weedwhips) arent very heavy. however. they do get heavy after a while, and they shake sometimes. a lot of times. We don’t get new equipment so it shakes. I’m hardly weak, but I’m also not strong enough to hold the weedeater like he said. so as soon as he said that i should be doing that everyone laughed. like i did too im like man you’re tripping. anyways. he left again, and so did two of the other guys again so it was just tony liam and i. kenny came back in and the three of us had been talking and when kenny opeend the door we all shifted so we could see who walked in, hoping it wasnt danager. kenny bust out laughing. “yall shoulda see your faces.” tony does a dramatic renactment of us all leaning forward to see who it is. oh it was great. tony liam and i were like in hysterics abt something (i think it was something rude abt danager i cant remember now). then we all headed out to do our danager assigned tasks. I went back to weedeating this one area. reminder that it IS the fourth of july, it’s like 9:30am and im weedeating this one part of the park. priorities? what are those. anyways so i do that. I see liam and tony leave to keep mulching. i keep weedeating. I did that and backpack blew the debris and then went over to the other part of the park to check cans. i checked cans again, had a super awkward situation with like 15 people near this sign. i tried to park my cart to check hte cans and EVERYONE STARED AT ME. like i know im wearing clothes specifcally chosen to be visible to cars and the public but the fuck you gotta stare at me for! anyways i got the cart and got the fuck outta there quick. I drove around more, some guy stopped me and said he thought there should be more speed limit signs. you’re right sir. drivers will see them and not care. i was checking trash in the one part of the park and i see tony and liam driving so i wave. by now it;s almost our lunch, its like 11:15. im going to check some cans that you like actually have to walk to, but i see tony driving towards me so i wait. they pull up, ask for the time. tony suggests we take a brisk walk to check the cans. we take a walk, but it’s not very fast. it’s very slow. we stopped to talk about dumb shit. liam’s apparently found a mink? on the pier? im so jealous? anyways yeah we wasted fifteen minutes looking at cans. we turn around and Danager’s walking towards us. tony grabs some trash off the ground immediately. danager doesnt even question it. he just tells us he wants someone to weedwhip or mow this one area, or at least be aware of it. tony and liam leave with dan, i head back to the shop. i hosed out the back of my cart cuz i got something FOUL in it. it may have been human poop. not sure. it was at least poop. lunch was more joking about danager. then danager came in and they started talking about muscle cramps. tony asked regular dan if he got cramps ever. dan shook his head. we dont think dan’s human. doesnt eat. doesnt SIT. only takes breaks because he’s legally required. jury is out. danager fucks off again. liam ate some of the ice cream. we chill until danager comes back in. then we leave. danager really told us to keep our weedwhips with us (also everytime liam or i say weedwhip mockingly we whip so i mean. yeah) and if we saw anything that needed weedeated to do it. ITS THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE PARK. tony apparently reached for his weedeater and some lady started cussing him out. something about how there’s people around and whatever (all true) and he’s like yeah sorry i was told to but yaknow what I just wont! because it’s a holiday no one wants to weedeat. so danager told us to go clean up driftwood from the beach and tony’s like oh some of it may be big yaknow ill go with you guys. completely an excuse not to do work. it was fine. we went down to the beach. got all ten pieces of wood that were there. and we did not take them back to the shop to be dealt with. no. we may or may not have taken the trashcan full of wood to the treeline and yeeted the driftwood into the treeline/woods. then we walked back up to our carts. and didnt get in them. the three of us stood around the carts for like twenty minutes just talking instead of working. who cares honestly. i dont. as long as it’s not a habit,,, we cool. somehow we started talking abt pot and liam’s like Oh yeah i’m pretty sure everyone here gets FUCKED up on that. and tony (who’s been here for a summer) was like. oh yeah for SURE. he’s like yaknow weed’s okay. not that interesting ppl overhype it. liams like yea never done it been overed it never done it and im like never been offered, never done it. a ranger rolled by and tony’s like yo what if the ranger rolled his window down and just a cloud of pot smoke rolled out and his eyes were just red. what would we do. and we all just like essentially shrug emojid and kept talking. tony came up with the great idea to move out of the full sun into some shade. we sat in the carts in the shade and talked more abt dumb shit. we decide to eventually move and check some other areas for trash. just to look busy and also get out of an area that had a lot of people and access for a cart. so we went over to another section of the park and got trash. I had two bags, and Tony’s just like yeah as long as they see trashbags in your cart no one’s gonna care what you’re doing. We went over near that part’s bathrooms and dan and even dan was like,,, i see yall are fuckin off and i dont hate that. we actually talked with dan for a bit too. then we walked over to this area where ppl throw beercans and ““““checked”““ for trash there. skipped rocks. made stupid comments about shit. we were over there for like twenty minutes. aaaaaaaaand Danager shows up. he tells tony to go water some plants in the front. it’s 1:30 at this point, tony’s gotta go load the water, haul it out to the front, water. liam and i followed him back to the carts. he got in his cart, looked around to make sure dan was gone and did the finger gun to head thing and drove off. liam and i immediately were like okay we gotta figure something out we’re staying the fuck out of danager’s way. so we go to another pier and start walking it, looking for trash. we did actually pick up trash. there was a lot. after like fifteen minutes we headed back to the shop to take our break at 2 and danager’s on his way out and he’s like oh! hey you guys can weedwhip around the building! or clean up around the dumpsters. do something. “No use standing around for twenty minutes”. okaaaaaaaaaaaaay man. so liam and i are like oh yeah of course we’ll find something to do. FUCK I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO BLOW THE GRASS IN THE DRIVEWAY FUCK FUCKIJ’DJ’FKJALKJFLAKJF goddamnit. deadass sorry for abrupt switch but im sitting in my house at 10:25pm realizing i didnt get the grass in the driveway. ugh whatever. ending my regrets and back to earlier. so as soon as danager drives his way and we get far enough away both of us are like YO FUCK THAT and im immediately like. 

i get as far as saying the first I from this and liam and I say the rest in unison. we share a braincell, i think. good job us. we’re both OVER IT. we throw our trashbags in the dumpster and grab pickers. we’re not sweating it but we grab some trash. i feel bad for tony cuz he’s out watering when it’s breaktime. liam says he probably wont be back till 2:25 when we have to clock out by 2:30. he wound up being right. a lot of shaking heads and muttering inbetween the four seasonals (minus dan) as soon as he was back. i clocked out and i told tony that he probably wont survive tomorrow with danager and that it was nice knowing him. tomorrow two of the techs will be back because they had today off. but it’s gonna be tony, the two techs, and danager. and possibly someone from the other park. not sure tho. like the BIGGEST oof because it’s gonna be a full day of trash cleanup and they’ve got danager there. and danager works the same shift as tony so anyday tony’s in, so it danager. the sat-thur crew got lucky. he told liam and i that on saturdays, the techs are out b/c weekends. it was just tony and someone from the other park and they’d. get the trash. trashbags and ground trash. and then fuck off in the breakroom. you can’t weedeat or cut on weekends. there’s not much to do if there’s not trash. they deadass would nap. and now they’re SCREWED because danager’s there. i’m so sad the one guy from the other park wasn’t there today. I can not WAIT to find out what he thinks of danager. fascinating. i almost worked tomorrow too, of my own request because I missed so much. but im sO Glad i didnt i do not want to spend anytime around danager that i dont have to. he fucking sucks. anyways. working my first ever fourth of july was,,, eventful. it mostly consisted of trying to avoid danager and kicking it with liam and tony. and that’s stellar. I really like both of them. i love my fucking coworkers. except danager. fuck you. also! no one offered us food :( apparently there is usually good food ppl offer to you and :( :( i didnt get food. oh today at work was wild. im so sorry for this post. it’s a hefty one. is this the longest post i’ve ever made on tumblr? yes. if you made it this far good job. I saw two REALly great dogs. the one looked like a bear. the other was a gsd. good job. god i love this job. 

[lhassinu]

For the fandom meme, could i ask for either kekkai sensen or kill la kill (or, if you haven't gotten this ask already, fma/fmab?)

aaa thank you!! ill do Kekkai Sensen and FMA because although i still love KLK i cant remember any of their names so it is just embarrassing.... 

fmaB (i still havent finished fma03 sHAME ON ME i know i knowww)

The first character I first fell in love with: well i love them all so much now i honestly cant rememeber who was my First Fav?............it was Greed wasnt it of course it was because years ago i saw a gifset of his death on my dash and i was in my No-More-Weeb-Shit phase (lmao how long did that last..not) so i just went to my friend to explain that i have feels about this dying piece of bacon and who the heck is he so i dont have to watch the show.. and like year later i ended up watchin said show anyway and to no one’s surprise Greed fuckin wrecked me.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: so many!!! Paninya, Ed, Maria Ross, Lan Fan, all the chimeras (okay my furry ass should have probably expected those...) but yea obviously the unexpected love par excellence was Envy. .  . i was fine until that piece of shit drama queen lizard stepped on that fuckin snow mine and got blasted off and i just wheezed and then suddenly feels and i just fell in love with every tantrum n move they did and started focusin on their issues and just. welp. 

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Roy sorry everyone... :// and not just because of the lizard barbeque but that sure didnt helpThe character I love that everyone else hates: every minor character is at least somehow popular so im not complaining but lets say chimera squads again? Darrius and Heinkel of course but Devil’s nest ones especially deserved better ;A;The character I used to love but don’t any longer: hmmmmmm maybe Roy’s team? like i still love them and they are great but since they are usually associated with Roy in every fanart im just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  The character I would totally smooch: Lan Fan The character I’d want to be like: tough choice! i honestly dont know? they are all very good but.. oh i know! Lily!! aka Madame Bradley!!!! she is wonderfulThe character I’d slap: obviously my top list priority is to join the Kicked Envy’s Ass club A pairing that I love: i owe my life to Greedling tbh its all my fav tropes in one... plus obviously all the femslash, mainly Lan Fan/Paninya but Panini/Winry is also good?? And Winry/Sheska.. and Lan Fan/

A pairing that I despise: i dont care much about RoyEd but i dont really have anythin i would Despise.. oh and LinFan mostly because i have such strong otps with both of them and i love their dynamics are friends aaaand Kekkai Sensen!The first character I first fell in love with: i have a flippin Type for my fav characters so of fuckin course it was Zed :’D i even started watchin it for him tbh? i saw an undertale/kekkai sensen crossover fanart with undyne being hyped there is a fish guy and i was like 👀 fish guy 👀 huh. Although who doesnt love Leo tbh five seconds in and i was sold :’) 

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: hmmmm Femt i think? he seemed kinda cliche at first but now well he is still cliche but also hilarious and i Appreciate. also i guess Black and White? like at first i was kinda meh about them but once i rewatched and also thanks to all of the greelin’s posts i really really appreciate them both?  

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: hmmmmm im quite fond of them all? like i dont really care that much about Klaus but thats not really that i dislike him its just there are others i love more? The character I love that everyone else hates: there is definitely not enough love for Dog&Hummer they are both so Good (tho it makes me kinda mad cuz aGAIN IM FUCKIN PREDICTIBLE so of course they just introduced a two body sharing characters and i was like. yes. my fav.´)   The character I used to love but don’t any longer: i still love them all maybe im a bit colder about KK? i was just really hyped about her and now im not as much? but same as with Klaus, i like her but just not as much as others...   The character I would totally smooch: idkkkkk i guess i would give a lil peck to all of the libra members? for the good work~ and Vivian! The character I’d want to be like: Leo is just Good and Pure and hardworking and selfless and-..... The character I’d slap: Zapp obviously, i love him he is great but deserves good good asskickin to chill a bit.. also his master tbh ...A pairing that I love: i dont actually have many ships in BBB but i really like that headcanon Leo was completely and utterly smitten by both Mackbeth siblings? hm so i guess Leo and Will is a good? 

A pairing that I despise: idk what kind of ships are there even? guess im not into the Leo/Klaus one? shrug

[uniformbravo]

so

today was my special oc day, right, may 16th and everything, and i have that whole yearly silan portrait deal going on

except this could not be a more academically inconvenient time for may 16th to happen lmao i have like a thousand school things going on and any reasonable person would be like “well guess i’ll just have to postpone the festivities in the interest of prioritizing my schoolwork” but Fuck it am i Right

art project that im around 70% done with due tomorrow

museum paper i’ve barely started planning for due thursday

history essay i half-read the prompt for also due thursday

apparently registration for next semester started this week, they don’t usually do it this early & it’s fucking me up

my art teacher approached me about some student art show they’re having on campus asking if i wanted to submit anything & i said i’ll think about it; that deadline is sometime during this week, no idea which day, can’t be bothered to check (could’ve been today tbh)

literally Everything is happening this week and i absolutely should be devoting every waking moment to trying to keep up with it all but instead i went “nope i’m taking the day off it’s Silan Day i need to draw my son” (tho to be fair i did spend the 2 hours between classes today working on the art project so that’s something at least)

also yea um just the fact that i even had classes today?? i’m kind of baffled that this is the first time this has happened tbh bc i started this yearly portrait-drawing tradition in 2014 and i’ve been in school all that time so why don’t i remember being this busy all those other times, i literally lost half of my day today attending class and didn’t start on the actual drawing until like 4 pm (it’s supposed to be like an all-day thing)

aaaanyway i did not manage to finish the portrait today (i wasn’t expecting to) but i got a good start on it and i like where it’s going, enough to be interested in picking it up again later so that’s good?? i’m gonna be semi-responsible and spend the next 2-3 days getting all my schoolwork done lol

because ok i’m not 100% irresponsible alright!! i know i made it seem that way but i didn’t just carelessly throw all my homework out the window so i could draw my ocs all day, i knew beforehand that this week was going to be a shit show! my Actual Plan was to get all or at least the majority of these assignments done over this past weekend, but it turned out to be a Big depression weekend and i couldn’t even bring myself to Think about homework, not even the art hw, so the only thing i managed to finish was this little reading response for art history, which i only did yesterday after the weekend was technically over

so yea h idk my plans kind of fell through bc of that disaster, but i still consider today’s actions justified ok:

since im getting p close to finishing the art project i can probably just finish it in class tomorrow & it’ll be fine, like it’s due at the beginning of class but i’m sure if i give it in before i leave it’ll count

i will devote literally all of tomorrow to completing the museum paper, i wrote another one exactly like it last semester for the same teacher so i know exactly what to do and it should be fairly easy I Got This

history teacher is extremely lenient with late work, last essay i busted my ass to get it done in time and then the next day he was like “ya if u don’t have it today just get it to me whenever u can it’s fine” so i will pray 2 the Lord that he says those same exact words thursday morning and i will have all weekend to write the fuckening thing (*also prays that The Depression won’t foil my plans this time*)

and then registration & the art show are fuckin Whatever, super far down on my priority list i Guess (aka no capacity 2 deal with more things rn lol!)

after all those things are handled i will finally let myself get back to the silan portrait, my son, my charming boy, im so proud of him, tearing apart my life in this crucial time to give him life what a treasure

anyway it’s 2am goodnight

[lickstynine]

For External Use Only

A/N: This came out way more drama-filled and long-winded than I’d intended. sorry.

“So, what do you think would happen if you drank rubbing alcohol?” Takao looked curiously at the bottle on the kitchen table. It had been taken out for the umpteenth time this month after Kazu came home covered in scrapes and bruises yet again. The dark-haired man was currently sitting at the table, scowling and smoking a cigarette. He normally didn’t smoke in the house, but Minato wasn’t home at the moment, and he was in a pissy mood.

There was a pause while Kazu gave Takao a how-fucking-stupid-are-you look. He exhaled a cloud of smoke towards his son with a disdainful huff. “It’s alcohol, fuckwad. Ya’d get drunk. What, ya think ya gonna drink it an’ fuckin’ grow wings or some shit?”

Takao flushed red in embarrassment and frustration. “Look, man, I dunno. It’s different from drinking alcohol. I thought it might do something weird.”

“Well it don’t.” Kazu replied flatly. He actually had no idea, but in his mind, alcohol was alcohol; you drank it, you got drunk.

“Then why don’t you drink some?” Takao grinned maliciously. He was sick of Kazu being such an asshole to him - this was a perfect opportunity for payback.

Kazu’s dark eyebrows raised so dramatically that they moved the bangs laying over them. “Is that a challenge?”

“Maybe it is.”

“Go get me a fuckin’ shot glass.”

Takao nodded and stood up to go search the kitchen. Rifling through the cabinets, he could barely contain his laughter. He knew Kazu lacked a lot of basic knowledge, but he didn’t think his dad was quite this stupid. His eyes finally locked on a shot glass on one of the higher shelves and he stood up on his toes to reach into the back and grab it, hurrying back to Kazu and setting the tiny glass on the table.

Completely unphased, Kazu snuffed out his cigarette and picked up the bottle. Isopropyl alcohol,  91% - this shit was gonna be strong. He didn’t care, though. It couldn’t be worse than straight vodka, right? Twisting the cap off and tipping the bottle ass up, he filled the glass until it was almost overflowing.

Staring in disbelief, Takao watched as his father shamelessly downed the shot. He was still shocked that Kazu had really done it, but now he wanted to see how far he could go.

Keeping a total poker face, Kazu dropped the empty glass onto the table. “That ain’t even bad,” he lied, “I’ve tasted worse.” His throat was burning and his mouth stinging, but his dignity was a higher priority than his health.

“Think you can do another?” Takao pushed.

Kazu shrugged. “I can do two more. Pour the shit.”

Takao refilled the shot glass, and Kazu slammed it down again. It was getting harder to keep a straight face, and he stifled a cough as he set it down. His stomach was giving him an are-you-fuckin-sure-bro feeling, but this wasn’t nearly the first time he’d ignored that feeling. The room was wavering a little, and Kazu took a moment to find his voice. “Last one. Pour it, bitch.” He still wasn’t giving up.

Shocked but not objecting, Takao poured out a third shot. Just as Kazu picked up the glass, the garage door opened. Arms full of groceries, Minato could barely see over the bags he was carrying, but he gave the two a skeptical look. “It’s kind of early to be drinking, sweetie.”

“I ain’t drinkin’... jus’ makin’ a point…” Kazu mumbled defensively. His words were slurred and his head was starting to spin, but he was still trying to look tough.

Minato set down the grocery bags on the counter and turned back to his husband. Now that he could properly scan the scene, he looked horrified, glancing between Kazu, the shot glass, and the still-open bottle of alcohol.

“Wait a second. Hold on. Did you drink that?!”

Not seeming nearly as troubled as his tiny husband, Kazu shrugged. “Yea…” he slurred, “Fuckin’... Takao thought I couldn’......... proved ‘is dumb ass wrong….” He hiccupped and leaned against the table to keep from toppling out of his chair.

Looking between his son and his husband, Minato was completely aghast. He didn’t even know where to begin dealing with this clusterfuck - this is what he got for leaving the house for a mere ninety minutes…

His mind was made up for him as he looked back over at Kazu. The lanky young man was sheet white and looked generally unfocused.  “Oh jeez… sweetie, how much did you drink?” Minato was getting scared, and he flapped the overlong sleeves of his sweater as he continued to watch his husband.

Kazu had to think for a second before mumbling, “Couple sho’s…..”

Minato nearly shit out his own spine. He knew Kazu had poor judgement, but this was a new level of bad idea. Not trusting the taller man to stand or walk anywhere, Minato gave a shaky sigh and turned to Takao. “Bring me a trash can, then put up the rubbing alcohol.”

The brown-haired boy nodded sheepishly, feeling slightly guilty as he realized what a mistake he’d made. He grabbed the trash can from the kitchen and handed it over to Minato before shuffling off to put the rubbing alcohol back in the bathroom cabinet. He had a sinking feeling that he was gonna be in a lot of fucking trouble later.

Back at the kitchen table, Minato was trying not to panic. Kazu looked queasy and disoriented, leaning against the small blond with a groan. Minato stroked Kazu’s hair, struggling to hold the much heavier man upright. “Sweetie, can you hold this for me?” It took a bit of effort, but Minato managed to get the trash can into Kazu’s hands. “There you go. Thank you. Just try and relax, okay?”

Kazu nodded shakily. His head was spinning, and he was honestly a bit panicked. He had no idea why he felt so awful - normally he could hold his liquor like a champ, so this was fucking baffling. Now wasn’t the time to think about it, though. His stomach was bubbling like a shaken can of soda, and he could feel the alcohol burning in the back of his throat. Despite how miserable he felt, he was attempting to keep his stomach contents in his stomach. Years of being intensely vulnerable made him paranoid to show weakness, even in front of his own husband.

Minato gently brushed Kazu’s bangs out of his face. “It’ll be okay, sweetie. Just let it happen. You’ll be okay. I’ve got you.” Even with Minato’s reassurance, Kazu was painfully nervous. The tiny blond could feel how alarmingly tense his husband was; he rubbed his hand steadily up and down Kazu’s back in an attempt to relax him. “Come on, it’s okay. I promise. I won’t let anything bad happen…”

Minato sighed nervously, flapping the sleeve of his free hand again. He could feel Kazu trembling under his touch, and he didn’t know how else he could help. Before he had thought of anything else to do, Kazu’s grip tightened on the trash can, his knuckles turning bone white.

The younger man heaved painfully, grimacing as a huge wave of bitter liquid splattered into the trash can; it burned even worse coming up. Minato continued to rub his back, quietly murmuring reassurances. Another gut-wracking retch brought up a mouthful of bile, after which Kazu spat into the trash and cussed under his breath.

“Fuck….” He exhaled shakily, sinking back in the chair. Though still kind of dizzy, he definitely felt a bit better. A gentle hug caught him by surprise, and he looked down to see Minato clinging to him. Worried grey eyes looked up at him, and he gently ruffled the tiny blond’s hair. “I’ll be ‘kay, babe… jus’ need t’ rest….”

Though not completely convinced, Minato nodded and set the trash can aside, offering a hand to help Kazu up. “You should lie down.” With a bit of effort and a lot of leaning on Minato, Kazu climbed to his feet and shuffled from the table to the living room couch, where he promptly flopped down with a groan.

“Urgh…. I feel like shit…” He grumbled.

“Shh… just relax.” Minato carefully replaced Kazu’s bangs over his right eye, hiding the scar on that cheek. He knew it bothered Kazu for the scar to be visible; he’d never been told why, but he could assume that it hadn’t come from anything pleasant. The tiny blond scampered into the kitchen to grab a water bottle, returning to offer it to Kazu. “You need to get rehydrated…”

Grimacing a little, Kazu looked hesitant to swallow anything at the moment. He didn’t want to disappoint Minato, though, so he took a small sip. To his relief, the cool water soothed the burning pain that currently plagued his mouth and throat. He started to down the water more eagerly, but a tiny hand reached in to stop him.

“Hey. Take it easy. Otherwise, you’ll just make yourself sick again.”

Kazu nodded slightly, setting the water aside and curling up on the couch. His petite husband leaned down to hug him once more and wrapped a blanket around him.

“There. Is that any comfier?” Minato asked.

“‘S nice… thanks, babe.”

“Of course. Do you need anything else?”

Kazu shook his head. “Nah, I think ‘m good….”

Minato nodded, planting a kiss on his husband’s forehead before stalking off down the hall.

Rap. Rap. Rap. Takao jumped about a foot in the air, eyeing the door warily. He had the feeling that Kazu was standing on the other side of the door, ready to skin him alive. Not wanting to get his ass kicked any more than necessary, he made sure to nudge his cat out of the way. The door creaked open slowly and he gave a very hesitant “Yea?”

Takao’s fear changed quickly to confusion when he saw not Kazu, but Minato standing in front of him. “...Dad? ‘Sup?”

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!” Minato’s high-pitched shriek was nearly loud enough to piss off the neighbor’s dogs. Taken aback and half scared to death, Takao stumbled backwards into his room, nearly falling on his ass.

“How… h-how dare I what?”

“DON’T YOU PLAY DUMB WITH ME! I KNOW THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!”

“Look, I… I didn’t think he’d actually do it…”

“Oh really?” Minato’s tone had switched from shrieking to scathing. There was an unfamiliar sharpness in his eyes, and he was literally trembling with anger. “Or were you banking on the fact that he wouldn’t know any better?”

Takao laughed nervously; Minato was completely right, and it took him a second to find a retort. “It’s not my fault he doesn’t know better!”

“Maybe it’s not your fault, but it’s fucking despicable for you to take advantage of your father like that!” Minato hissed.

“He’s a dick to me all the time!”

Minato was furious. His face was contorted into an uncharacteristic scowl, and he was shaking like a vibrator on a washing machine. “That doesn’t give you the right to FUCKING POISON HIM!”

Takao flinched, but didn’t say anything. He knew Minato was right. At this point, he was just hoping to get out of this without being shipped back to the orphanage. After a moment, Minato spoke again, his tone chilling. “I want your phone.”

“What?”

“I want your phone. And your laptop.” Minato replied coldly.

Too nervous to argue, Takao brought both over to his father, looking increasingly anxious. Minato leaned his head back enough to look Takao dead in the eye. “You’ll get these back when you can show me you deserve them.” He stalked off with both in hand, taking the electronics to be locked away somewhere in the master bedroom.

When his hands were empty, Minato climbed onto his bed. He was still shaking, but no longer from rage. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes, and he blinked them away with a sniffle. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he curled tightly into a ball, rocking back and forth as he continued to cry.

What was he going to do? The two people he cared about most hated each other, and he had no idea how to fix it. What would happen if the two were alone during an emergency? Would they manage to get along, or both die bickering? Minato sobbed until the knees of his jeans were drenched and his eyes were dry. He felt too awful to move, even though he wanted comfort. His head was aching from dehydration and his eyes were red and puffy. He rubbed at his nose with one of his overlong sleeves, giving another tiny sniffle.

The click of the doorknob caused him to jump, and to Minato’s surprise, he saw a familiar tall silhouette in the doorway. Kazu strolled into the bedroom and sat down next to his trembling husband. The much taller young man laid back on the bed and pulled the tiny bundle of blond fluff onto his chest.

“Babe, wha’s up?” His words were still kinda slurred, but he was clearly feeling better, or at least feeling well enough to hide that he felt shitty.

“I… I just… I wish you and Takao could get along…” Minato sniffled, burying his face in Kazu’s chest.

Kazu sighed, giving Minato a gentle squeeze. “’S gonna be okay, I promise.”

“But… but you hate him!”

“Nah, nah, babe. ‘E pisses me off, but I don’ hate ‘im… ‘sides. This one’s kinda my fault anyway.”

Minato blinked in surprise, looking up at his husband. Sincerity warmed Kazu’s normally icy blue eyes.

“Y… you mean… you’re not mad at him?” The tiny blond asked, incredulous.

“I ain’t happy with ‘im… but I ain’t gonna shove ‘im into traffic or anythin’. It ain’t a big deal, babe. I’ma be fine. Ya worry too much.”

Minato sighed, shocked but also relieved. He curled up on Kazu’s chest, mumbling, “You know, you should still be resting.”

“I am restin’.” Kazu replied, gesturing to the bed beneath him.

“Yeah,” Minato chuckled, “I guess you are…”

[alexisagangster]

Dear tumblr

So I keep thinking to myself i should talk to someone or maybe write out my issues somewhere ya know help me get it off my mind . So here we go first things first I’m such a fuck up , my priorities are so fucked up at 22 years old I expected things to be different but no instead I dropped out of school , still live on a college campus and work a 100 percent commission sales job. Doesn’t sound terrible but I work door to door about 75 hours a week to sometimes make barely 200 bucks. It’s actually mind blowing how I manage to survive sometimes but with some of my extracurricular activities comes some extra cash. I’m also in debt because I push everything off instead of paying things right then and there. I mostly use my money to live this life that is way above my means. I love my girlfriend but I’m pretty sure she fuckin hates me , we’ve been in each other’s lives/ dating for over 2 years and I finally think she hates me. After everything was going well she randomly started talking about houses and our future . One thing led to another and a misunderstanding turned into me getting my asshole ripped and her telling me everything that I needed to fix in my life , she then gave me a deadline to fix things in my life if by that date I didn’t she would no longer stay with me . I thought everything was fine between she loved her Christmas gift which I spent so much money on, she loved our date that night . I literally overdrew my bank account to take her to dinner and make sure she was happy . Everything seemed great , we even hung out again a couple of days after . Let me stop real quick and explain my girl is a year and some change younger and goes home for winter break in between semesters so we see each other a little less but we regurlalrly live a bout a block from each other . But yea last time we hung out she was awesome we had sex 3 times in a couple of hours and we were really psionate. Later in the week because of my shittt job I was busy so I didn’t have much time to really talk to her and the time that I did have at home after being at the job for 13-14 hours. I would hang around and smoke pot with my buddies . This weekend she goes to New York with her friends prior to going to New York everything is fine between us and she’s pretty good on communication . When she gets there her texting becomes insanely scattered and the only responses come from my FaceTime calls. She then tells me I’m overreacting which I say ok to . But like god damn dude 4 hours is way too long for you to get ready . She was also in new yoke with chicks I don’t trust. Whatever the night goes by and she still has scattered texts to me , and I pass out and she FaceTimes while I’m sleeping .. I call her the next morning and she doesn’t seem happy to see me , but whatever tells me that she’ll call me when she leaves . Doesn’t do that but whatever . Then she gets back and I find this out because my best friend dates one of the girls who was on the trip . I text her she goes I’m in the car , which is a lie then I tell her that I know she’s lying and that I’m coming over and we need to talk . The conversation doesn’t go to great and I find out that she was hitting up some promoter to get her into the club which I didn’t appreciate and it pretty much pissed me offf . But I avoided yelling at her instead I just left and said that she wouldn’t like this treatment coming from me . I texted her and she said she didn’t like how I wasn’t trusting her and I said look at the circumstances but look I’ll trust because I love you . She then told me that she wanted some space to clear her mind and that she wanted to spend the night alone . Which concerned me but because I’m understanding I said ok I’m here for you if you need anything . She’s very adamant about not being with me . I think it’s over finally . I think she officially hates me .

[slapaholicrex]

Let's talk about why I can't express myself and how society's fascism for 'perfection' is being spread all over the internet.

So this has been my thoughts of today where I had to hold my tongue because my mind is just justifying why things are they way they are.

News article: Rape culture is letting the pastor get away with groping Arianna Grande.

How I feel: that's fucked up. Truthfully, no one should be handled by someone they don't want to be handled by.

When I saw: he had his arm around her upper torso casually. If it was groping it was side boob at best.

How I feel now but can't express it: if you've ever had your arm around your sister or mother to hug them, sometimes that happens and it's all good because it's not creepy. I personally don't think he meant anything by it. If he was being creepy and rapey, he wouldn't have just touched side boob. It's just an area to show someone physical comfort. He could have had his arm further back but oh well it happened. Just don't let it be trending otherwise it's clearly a creep problem.

Next thought that followed: the whole boobs aren't a sexual thing community isn't stepping up to say it's a big deal. They wouldn't if it was a man's chest side groped. Why would they care about a woman's boob if it wasn't sexual? Just chill out and don't be a hypocrite.

And the next thing: MGK releases a dissing track against eminem.

My experience: I bumped it in my car on my way to work. It was meh. Few punchlines that were good and delivered well. Kinda catchy but a retaliation diss track should be like 2 verses and no chorus to prove a point that the song is going directly towards that person. Not fans to bump to. Otherwise it's kinda like cheating to have that support just because the song is catchy vs. It's message. It's the "you have disrespected so show me that youre better. Let's fight right here right now" guy vs. The guy who says, "everybody help me this guy wants to beat me up." I'm not even an Eminem fan but I'll be damned if Eminem gets beaten in a rap beef by some fuckin pretty boy from Cleveland Ohio who made a song that the trashy kids at my school liked. Don't get me wrong, I was trashy, but these kids were just bad kids and had fucked up lives for it. So I don't respect someone with that in their fan base because anyone can have access to the phone. And believe me, there's numbers in the people like that. So of course his fan base is huge. It's the people who share sparkling inspirational gifs to their friends on facebook and tag them in ugly ass pictures. These people can shift numbers of anyone because they're so blissfully unaware of talent.

And not only is it those kids, it's every bitch who's sexually active and isn't afraid to show how wet their panties are for some skinny white dude with tattoos. These bitches shift mad numbers for popularity polls.

And I'm hoping the crown of best white rapper isn't taken by some fuck boy who takes good pictures but wasn't a real man who shaped beautiful minds growing up. Yea eminem was vulgar but his anger always had conviction because he was victim of things he stoop up to. Mgk wrote a tweet about Eminem's daughter 6 years ago, yea it's old news but I think Eminem just didn't want to name drop someone so fuckin low on the list of priorities. Mgk then makes a subliminal message on a song with tech 9 and pushes the attention to him kind of provoking Eminem to say something. So mgk needs to slow the fuck down when he says, "took you 6 years." He's not shit to eminem I'm telling you.

So in my eyes, mgk is just a loser posing as something he's not. Eminem had that shitty Detroit life. OG's should be respected. Plus the Detroit rap scene is more death and murder oriented, so Eminem will be GRAPHIC on the fire back song.

But I can't say this shit on social media because then that starts arguments with women and the trashy people and I'm not about to go toe to toe in an online debate over something that doesn't matter to me that much.

IIt just matters that I can't post it and someone disagree and move on.

As

They

Should.

Anyway that's my two cents love yall peace