#YAY (i wanna punch every single one of them in the face)

[saryasy]

911 went on hiatus and my life has been a constant downhill spiral. coincidence?

[junova]

𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞.

notes: howdy guys, it's been a while. i've been taking a break and finally starting writing again, yay. it's been a rough few months and still treading through it, but i hope you enjoy a piece of my heart with this one.

if it's any consolation, my heart broke while writing this. </3

pairing — boxer!steve rogers x fem!reader

concept — steve has to come with terms of you not wanting him just as much as he wants you.

wc — 6.7k+ [yeah...]

warnings: 18+, themes alluding to sex, emotional cheating, soft!steve, heartbreak, kind of unrequited vibe going on, over all ✨ angst ✨

Even if it was the thousandth time to watch his body move in the ring, you still were memorized by the way he moved. You were in complete admiration of how his hips flowed so fluidly through his punches. Just like always, he was aware of your presence as you stood next to Sam and Wanda, both of them with proud smiles on their faces as he defeated yet another opponent.

Watching as they raised his arm, declaring him as the champion, something he’d been striving so intensely for, the past few months. Even if his body was bruised and littered with the hits Rumlow had been able to mark his body with and not to mention the busted lip, making him taste the blood with nearly every swallow.

It didn’t matter because he had followed through with what he had set his mind out to do. The looks Rumlow was giving him after all the smack talk he had served him was satisfying enough. Even if he didn’t think you did, he saw you standing there alongside his friends, celebrating the win of his life.

He couldn’t but smile proudly at your presence, even if the disapproval you have against his lifestyle was well known between the two of you and everyone else in your friend group.

Steve knew you weren’t a fan of the injuries you brought home in your shared apartment, the nights you actually stayed there. With Jordan’s absence from New York, you’d been staying there more consistently than ever.

He would never admit it out right, but it made his heart full. With you home, he could protect and he worried wherever you weren’t there. Even if he knew you were fully capable of defending yourself if need be, it would always make him feel better when you were close to him.

Just like him, you could confess it even to yourself, but when you were back in the apartment you shared with Steve, you’d always felt safer.

He went straight to the locker room, to clean himself up as best as he could without making his friends and Tony wait too long. He’d usually go straight to them but the group took notice he held himself back when you were around.

The first match you went to and he came up with bruises running along both rib cages, a bloody nose accompanied by a busted lip, he immediately took notice of the way you cowered away from him. Barely even looking at him as you congratulated him. From then on out, he realized how much it bothered you to see him physically injured.

When you’d come, he’d always make sure to clean himself up before. It really worked out on the days he didn’t want to be around many people. Only the stragglers from the crowd would be left, and his friends who supported him nearly every time.

As soon as he made his way over to the group, he was met with Sam’s warm smile pulling him into a warm hug. You found yourself wincing as soon as Steve did. “Easy there big buy, bruises are still fresh.” Sam let up just a tad, before everyone was congratulating him. You stood back with Tony, watching the proud smile grow on his face as he watched his prodigy surpass his monumental goal.

“You should think about coming to more matches. He fights better when you’re here watching him.” You twisted your neck so you could see his coach more clearly who was standing right beside you. “I’m sure he plays just as well when I’m not here. I still watch them everytime, just from home when it’s too much for me to stomach.”

You looked forward away from Tony, Steve coming into your line of vision as Sharon, his ex who had surprisingly shown up to corral by his side, someone you’d hadn’t seen near him in the past few weeks since she’d been out of the country for work.

“His technique and endurance is the same, but his intensity always rises higher when you’re here. I’m not the only one who notices, maybe the only one bold enough to say it to you.” Tony spoke as watched the man he took in when Steve was just sixteen.

Truly, it made his heart swell with pride to see him reach the level of success he had been dreaming for him since the pair had met. Knowing Steve for the past five years, also made him hyper aware of the girl he never seemed to shut up about, not that you’d ever find out.

No matter how much Tony was dying to let the words slip off his tongue.

“I’m just happy to be here for him.” Keeping your words short as you watched Sharon move closer to him, her hand resting on his chest and he didn’t even move away from it. You tried to ignore the ugly shade of green rising in your chest, but with him it always seemed to show.

Not that you’d had a right to, you weren’t single or emotionally available by any means, but the thought of him being with someone who had hurt him so much made you more protective of him than you had a right to be.

“C’mon little dove, have you thought about why you’d rather stay in the dinged up apartment with Steve than be with your boyfriend of three years across the country?” He pressed harder, making sure you were careful of your response. “My friends are here and so is my family. I can’t just leave everyone I love behind.” Your gaze never left Steve’s as he finally was out of Sharon’s grip.

“Steve’s here, too. You sure it has nothing to do with him?” Part of you couldn’t stand there with Tony and lie to him because you weren’t sure what was the nature of your relationship with the boxer.

Thankfully, you were saved from responding by the devil himself as made his way over to the two of you. Much to your dismay, he had to get in a few more words before Steve was in earshot. “Just think about why Steve lives with you when he’s had more than enough to move out for a while now.”

Before you could even process the words leaving his mouth, your favorite man in the ring immediately has you wrapped up in his arms. Holding you so close and so tightly, not even caring if it put more pressure on his lungs than he wished.

“Congrats on the win, Champion. I’m so proud of you.” The arms you had around him were placed gently, too afraid to put any weight on the new bruises. Not to mention the old ones which were still healing.

Once he pulled away from you, just enough so you could look at him. He hummed at Tony and with one nod of his head he knew when the young boxer wanted to be left alone. More times than not, it is usually with you.

“I thought you weren’t coming tonight. Isn’t Jordan in town?” Not even when it was the biggest moment of his career thus far did he care to indulge in his victories. Always it seemed to be looking after you.

“Stevie, this is your night. We don’t have to talk about me — we’re always talking about me.” For a moment he almost bought your act until he looked into those dazzling eyes of yours, ones he never seemed to grow tired of in the past few years.

“I’m not happy unless you’re happy. So, if you need a night where we just watch romcoms and chow on cookie dough ice cream, you know I’m all yours.” Unknowing to the two of you, everyone of your friends was watching the encounter and still couldn’t believe you still were with your current boyfriend.

Or that Steve was just waiting for you patiently. Something that didn’t come easy for him around women. Before you, he didn’t really do relationships with women that didn’t end with him in their bed at some point. Somehow, much to everyone’s dismay, he managed to keep his interactions platonic with you.

At least in their eyes.

“No, Stevie. I’m fine. He just didn’t follow through this time. It’s not the end of the world, I’ll be fine. Tonight, I just wanna be by your side and celebrate you.” Although, he didn’t really believe you Steve decided he would let it go.

“Regardless of it, thank you for coming tonight. Means the world to me.” It really did. Even more so, when he felt like he was one of the reasons you were still in Brooklyn and not in California living with your boyfriend instead.

“Oh, hush bubba. You’re getting so soft on me and you haven’t even had a proper drink in you yet. Let’s just celebrate with our friends, yeah?” You kissed his cheek sweetly, before you were off to Bucky and Nat’s place to get properly fed and surely get Steve drunk off his ass.

It really was the elephant in the room you were choosing to ignore. The fluttering feeling of adventurous butterflies traveling to spaces you didn’t know existed. Everytime he pulled you close to his side or kissed your temple.

When Bucky would do something monumentally stupid, he would whisper a line in your ear humorous enough to hear you laugh. Even right now, when you knew he was exhausted, muscles sore and aching — Steve was still tending to whatever you needed.

In this moment, your body nestled between his legs as he draped his arm across your chest, letting him hold you close was exactly what you needed. Even if you tried to remove yourself several times because of the new injuries, he would never let you.

“What’s next, Rogers?” Steve watched as he craned his neck towards Sharon. You’d almost forgotten she was here, she’d been so quiet most of the night.

“A whole lot of rest and then in a few weeks, right back into training.” He spoke with pride because winning the title went hand and hand with defending it. “You should come to the club. Danielle’s been itching to see you, again.”

Steve grimaced, not just as Sharon’s words, but with how stiff your body became. The way you rubbed back and forth with the tip of your fingers against his forearm came to a halt.

You weren’t really sure what to do because now you felt horrible for even feeling like you had a right to be upset in the first place. Because you didn’t. You weren’t single and Steve was. In this space in time, he did nothing wrong.

When you followed Nat back into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine, away from him, it felt like he had made a mistake.

Just watching as you followed Nat up the pathway, in your pretty green dress, as you messed with the necklace adoring your neck. Something he learned you did when you were anxious.

“Why would you bring that up now? In front of her?” He was slightly pissed off she had driven you away and out of his arms. Steve would have you within his grip constantly if you would let him. Not that you did, but it was still a certain something he found himself wishing for. More than not though, someone else always seemed to hold your attention whenever he wasn’t in the ring.

Jordan. Tony. Sam. Natasha. Bucky. Wanda.

Tonight had seemed it might go in a different direction, until Sharon steered your mind elsewhere. One where you were a girl who missed her boyfriend. Or at least that’s what he thought.

Unknowingly to Steve, Jordan was the last thing on your mind, which allowed the guilt to settle in. Maybe, just this one time it was rightfully placed. The thoughts you were having scared you senseless — making you want to do something you knew you shouldn’t.

You just sat there on the padded bar tool as Nat grabbed a bottle of white with a bottle of red. Like time and time again, Nat read your mind just as she often did. “So, why couldn’t he come this time?” She drilled into you, her iridescent daggers as piercing as ever.

“He said he forgot his mother asked him to help her move out of the house. He said he’d make it up to me some other time.” Just like always.

But you held your tongue before voicing it to anyone other than yourself. It’d been months since you’d seen him in the flesh, and it was the first time he spoke to you in days when he informed you he’d been unable to spend any of his time off with you.

“He’s just never here and he keeps asking for me to move to Los Angeles, but my whole life is here. Before, he never seemed to really pressure me. He was always patient with me to travel at my own pace but I think he ultimately thought I would eventually go there with him.” You breathed out, scared of the truth dripping right out of you.

“I just-, you know what? Nevermind. It’s isn’t important.” She was never one to bite her tongue, but she found herself trying to when your feelings were involved.

“Tell me. What is it?” Your curious, bambi eyes peering into your soul, dying to pull the confession right out of her.

“Do you even miss him when you’re apart for so long? I’m not judging but it just seems like you’re okay. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but why don’t you ever go to him or Jordan to you?” Natasha spoke softly, afraid she might be poking the bear just a bit.

“Of course I miss him. I would see him if I could. I’m just a little too busy right now with work and my family.” You attacked back, feeling the need to defend yourself.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” With both bottles of wine on the counter, she went to grab three more wine glasses — for Sharon, herself, and you.

“Say what? What the hell are you talking about?” You pushed her as she put out the bottles of wine as she managed to link the three vines of the glasses in her left fingertips. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She was regretting it now, because maybe you weren’t quite ready to hear the words everyone else knew to be true. Anyone who was around the two of you could see it.

Perhaps, Nat never spoke a word of it because at the very least, she thought you wouldn’t be as naive to see his feelings. The ones he seemed to offer you on a silver platter, whether you wanted to reject or accept the offering, giving it to you wholeheartedly.

Following her out the patio door where the two of you stopped, not moving a step further. She didn’t really say anything either. Letting you bask in the glow before the fall.

He was laughing so hard, his hand clutching his chest as him. Golden hair shining bright by the fire pit, almost as

lively as his smile. Even if it looked like his spirit could have been beaten out of him tonight, he’d never show it.

When he had trouble keeping his eyes open, he’d force himself to stay alert because moments he could spend with ones he loved seemed too precious to pass up. Especially over the past few months — he didn’t even have to think twice about it.

Through the schedule Tony had him on, his life was eating, breathing, living boxing. Training every day in the gym, whether it be furthering his techniques in the gym to Tony making him regret any mistake he made in the ring.

Even some days he was just weight training when Tony told him he could rest. He couldn’t though. Not when he could taste the sweetness of his dreams on the tip of his tongues.

Every day, dawn till dusk, training consumed every moment of his time. Steve thought his body was restless before, but now? Nothing came even close to this.

Leading Steve to be blissfully unaware of what was actually going in that fantastically bold head of yours.

“Just spill it, Romanov.” You pressured her, but your eyes were too weak to redirect your directions elsewhere. Only Steve holding your attention at one.

“Remember when Steve left for Spain for three months with Tony?” Your body stilled, having a feeling you knew where this was going. Regretting you told her what had happened with Steve in the first after promising him it would just stay between the two of you.

“It was the year Jordan and I had split for two months.” The memory of what happened always clouding your better judgement. The way his eyes shined still haunted you. “Steve had already been there a month when it happened and the second I told him he insisted on flying me out.”

Looking at him fondly, across the greenery before speaking so softly as if he was right next to you, “I could never say no to him. I still can’t.” Nat tried to ignore it but she could see through the fog of your first love fading even if you were trying your hardest to avoid the inevitable heartache.

The care you held for him was oozing out of you, bursting and breaking at the seams. When you kept thinking of him more than a roommate, more than a friend.

“Dove, you can’t just keep pretending your feelings don’t exist. The more you try to bury the root deep the more it will grow.” You knew she was right, but you really didn’t want to hurt anyone.

You supposed you were already causing pain unintentionally. “His biggest insecurity is him. Jordan thinks I’m still here because of him.” You confessed, the ongoing fight no secret to anyone, really.

“Aren’t you?” Maybe if you had been a better liar, you could’ve convinced her but everyone could read you like the back of your own hand.

You hated the spotlight she was putting on you, but even more so because she was right. Moving forward with Jordan meant leaving someone else behind, something you couldn’t seem to prepare yourself to do.

“I love Jordan. He’s my first love and I thought he would be the greatest one, too.” You really want to stop the love and admiration flowing out of you, but you couldn’t choose who you love and maybe it was time for you to stop fighting it.

“Then, I met Steve. He responded to the ad I put out for the spare room in my apartment and we met for coffee.” If you had listened to your mother, her wishes of you not to be in the company of a man who was a complete stranger, you’d never meet the most important person in your life.

“He looked more like a boy back then. Clean shaven. No beard. Steve was still muscular, but not nearly as toned as he is now. But his eyes? They pulled me right in. Still do, every damn time.” You should have held some sort of shame, but you didn’t.

“You should do something about it, Dove. He isn’t going to be single forever.” Nat questioned as you followed her lead, back to the roaring fire.

“Nat, I love Jordan. I could never do that to him.” You really couldn’t, but you also couldn’t find it in you to move with him either. “I know you love him, but you aren’t in love anymore.” Growing closer and closer, back to the group, you saw him clearly.

“What do you mean?” Trying to ignore the pain in your chest as Natasha spoke. “I think you’re scared of ending it with Jordan. Dove. I’ve known you for a long time now and I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you do with Steve.”

The words spilling out of her lips left you a little broken — the truth spearing you through. She wasn’t wrong, not one bit. Nat never nearly was, especially when your feelings were involved. Steve had become such an enigma to you in the past year.

The line of platonic friendship and overflowing emotional intimacy was becoming too entangled for you to even comprehend.

“Just think about it. I just want you to be happy.” The rest of the night, it’s all you could think about. A few days passed and it was still in the forefront of your mind.

When Steve was walking home with you this week, you couldn’t stop wondering all the hypotheticals swarming inside your dreams.

He could tell, too.

You’d never been so quiet, not ever. He’d like to hear you, especially when you were drunk. Like you seemed to be now, at least to him but tequila that lit a fire in your chest a few hours ago was beginning to wear off. Just when the feelings you kept trying to avoid would seep there way back in like your furry, fat cat Thor when he wormed his body through the gate into the apartment.

“What’s wrong? You’ve seemed off this week.” You felt his hand kiss yours, but he didn’t bother to find it’s home. He’d been keeping his distance or at least been trying to. You'd been so vulnerable lately and the last thing he wanted to do was exploit that.

Ever since Sharon had made a comment about Danielle, and you escaped with Nat, something changed. You more guarded around him, more than you'd ever been since you met.

Steve knew there was a reason for it, but he didn't want to push you — not when it looked like you would combust into a breakdown at any given moment.

“I’ve just been thinking about where my life is going and where I want it to go.” You confessed, letting your words linger. “Jordan wants me to move with him to California and I’m running out of reasons to say no.” In perfect harmony, your eyes met his at the same time.

They weren’t joyful what his bright blues usually possess, but this time they were indifferent. Not even you could read them.

“Do you want to move there with him?” Steve asked you, his heart on the verge of dropping into his stomach. “If it will make you happy, you should.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, you watched him drift away from you.

“I don’t know. It might.” Both of you coming to a halt, walking up to the apartment the two of you shared.

“He’s insecure about you. It’s why he’s pressuring me.” The two of your bodies so close but so far away as you stood in the doorway. With a confusing gaze and pouty lips, practically guiding you into temptation.

“He used to always tell me you were in love with me. He was fully convinced, still is. I never thought so. You were just my best friend, that was it. I just never really thought about it unless Jordan brought it up.” You would have loved to blame your sudden outburst on the alcohol, but it was something you'd been dying to do.

Before you never had the guts, but you a felt a pull towards Steve lately, like maybe there was something more trying to burst under the seams.

“I thought Tony was bullshitting me, fucking with me, but I didn’t ever give it a thought. Then, Nat brought up Spain.” Nights you told yourself were a mistake, but deep down it was the probably the safest you felt in a long time.

“What are you talking about? What did Tony say?” Fetching for the key, he slid it in before opening the door for you and following you inside. “Steve, why do you still live here?” Blushing cheeks and a string of incoherent words was all you could make out from him.

As he headed for the small couch, trying to make up an excuse good enough. One which you’d actually believe, he hoped.

“You make four times as much as me, if not more. For some reason, you’ve decided to stay in this shithole apartment — it doesn’t make sense.” He wished you would make sense of it, that way he didn’t have to say a word.

“Do you want me to move out?” He questioned, watching your movements. If you wanted him to move out, he wouldn’t hesitate to do so.

It was the last thing you wanted, but the line between your friendship with him was always blurred. Only now, when it was vaguely pointed out by the two people close to the both of you — it became more apparent than ever.

“No, I just, I guess I’m asking why. You know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you’d like, but this place is a dump, Steve. Why on earth would you wanna stay here?” When he looked up, where you stood above him having a hard time biting his tongue.

Because you’re here.

It’s what he wanted to say, but he didn’t have the right and he would just be an asshole if he put you in a compromising position. He already felt guilty enough with his feelings in the first place, he didn't need to pile on.

“I guess it’s just easier to stay. It’s so close to the ring and I’m maybe a tad too comfortable.” You sat next to him on the couch. Finding yourself trapped in the green of his eyes. “Don’t you want something better?” Maybe it was him or maybe it was you. Neither of you could tell.

The two of you inched closer until Steve was caressing your thigh, just with the tip of his thumb. “I’m more than happy with where I’m at.”

“Well, I’m asking because I need to go to California. Just for a bit. I need to see Jordan, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen him.” He didn’t stop touching, not even with the mention of his name.

Even if it pierced him every time you talked about him. Or when Jordan came to town, he felt like he didn’t exist to you.

He didn’t blame you, not at all. Jordan was your highschool sweetheart, and you wanted so badly for it to work but something was holding you back. Something you were trying to let go of.

“He loves me so much and wants to start building this whole new life, but how am I supposed to tell him?” Steve said nothing, letting you sink into the ground.

“He’s been nothing, but kind and loving. Always there, always supportive. The best partner I could have asked for.” Steve laced your hand in his like it was the most natural thing in the world, making butterflies erupt at full speed.

You couldn’t really pinpoint a moment when he started, but all you knew is how safe his warm, calloused hands made you feel. Since the moment you met, never failing to comfort you when needed.

“Then what’s the problem, Dove?” Steve questioned you, untangling his body from yours.

If he was going to help you, he needed to think and being so close to you wouldn’t get himself where you needed. Above all, you didn’t make any easier when a small whine left your throat — tugging at his heart strings.

“We never talk about what happened in Barcelona.” You watched his body tighten, muscles in his arm constricting.

It made him feel just as uneasy as it did to you. At least you could find comfort in that.

“Dove, there’s a reason for it. You and I both know it.” Steve was right. His self righteous sense of nature always kicked in when you wanted it the least.

“You don’t think about it? Because I do.” Pushing weight on his heart, you were very aware you held. You weren’t too naive to know just how much he cared for you, but coward enough to try and make him admit it first.

“You were broken up, things are different now. We’re home where you have a boyfriend and I have boxing.”

“Yes, where I have a boyfriend who wants me to abandon everything I hold close to me to join him without even bothering to ask me what I want.” You puffed out, exhaustion coming in overflow. “The past year, he hasn’t once asked me what I want.”

The boy with golden locks found himself wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms, nurse you back to health with all the love he could offer.

But even he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep on spreading himself thin over a woman who was so conflicted, so distraught she was collapsing within herself. If he wasn’t too careful, he might fall right beside you.

“Before we got back together, he asked me.” You confessed, feeling better as soon as the secret flew from your mouth. “He asked you what?” Steve pressed on, a bit terrified of it truly, but even he had to know.

“He asked if anything happened between us the months I was there and I lied. Ever since we met, he’s been insecure. He thinks I’m going to leave you for him and it wasn’t the first time he asked either.” You wish you hadn’t dealt with the two of them so poorly, but with the expression on Steve’s face you knew you had.

“He knows I lied and it hurts even more he stayed with me anyways.” Steve didn’t move, his fear keeping him still.

“I don’t know how to be his after you, but I don’t know how to let go of my high school sweetheart either.” You felt trapped, in between an impossible decision. An old love, who loves you past your mistakes, past the hurt and a soulful heart admiring you from where you’re at and nothing less.

“Those nights don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to.” He spoke softly, his beautiful orbs catching yours in the moonlight peeking through the window.

“They mean too much to me, that’s the problem.” If he didn’t move as you inched closer to his body, planting yourself in front of him, you could tell he was straining himself.

“Do you remember the first time?” He looked confused, wondering if you truly were bold enough to speak of something you shouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Your hand found his chest, feeling the pulse of his rapid heart beat. “I was so shy and timid the first time with you, but you guided me so well.” Too fond of the memory of him worshipping every part of your body.

The very thing he wanted to do since the moment he met you, but Steve wanted more than that. Now more than ever.

“You don’t have to remind me, Dove. I remember.” He swallowed deeply, trying to erase the permanent memory of your body writhing beneath him, moaning out his name, begging him for more.

He still found himself thinking about it. Those two months with you had just amplified what he felt even more because now he knew what it was like for you to wake up in his arms, bare skin against his own.

The way you curled into his chest, your arms wrapped around his waist for optimal comfort.

Or when he’d wake up before you, which was most days, he’d find you murmuring his name in your sleep while soft fingertips caressed your skin lulling you into a more peaceful slumber.

“I never forget, Dove. That’s the problem.” With one finger, he pushed back the hair falling in your face tucking it behind your ear. “I tried to move past it, I went on a couple dates with this woman, Danielle.” You already felt your heart clench at the thought of him with someone else.

“She’s kind, smart, and beautiful and she seems to like me. Sharon keeps bugging me to take her out again since she set the two of us up.” Steve was trying to talk calmly, but he couldn’t ground himself. Especially when you only seemed to pull back further from him.

It was weird that Sharon set the pair up, considering she dated Steve not too long ago but it seemed she could put her feelings inside if it was for your despair.

In her daunting eyes, you were the reason her and the promising boxer broke up in the first place. As cliche as it was, she offered Steve an ultimatum after six months of dating — her or you.

Steve picked you.

It wasn’t like he loved her at that point. He did care for her, but you just meant too much to him. When kind, iridescent eyes met his own for the first time Steve never was able to stop thinking about them. Or you for that matter.

Carefully calculated as Steve could be, he managed to trap you between the closed door of his bedroom and his toned body.

“But I want to hear you say something before I do.” His gaze never faltered for a moment as he played with the hem of the short slip dress adoring your taut figure.

Half of your mind was begging you to retreat into your room and forget the last time you’d been pressed up against him like this. The other half wanted to see what he would do once he knew you were in the palm of his hand once again.

You had a feeling he already did.

His beard was grown out and his silky, golden hair that almost reached his shoulders make him look even more deliciously sinful.

“What’s that?” You tried not to gulp loudly, but if you even made the slightest movement, he would notice. “Tell me you’re in love with him.” His soft thumb caressing your side, not sure if he was trying to soothe himself or you.

“Just tell me five years down the line, you see him right there with you. Just say it, so I can move on.” He couldn’t even look at you, he couldn’t take the inevitable. “Tell me we’re just friends and Jordan’s your future.” You met his eyes, the prettiest blues you’ll ever see.

Commanding your attention without even trying — every damn time. You weren’t sure what you wanted, but you knew seeing him hurt was chipping a piece of you away. Watching his arched eyebrows furrowed in distress, fine lines being made in the middle for proof.

Soft fingertips met his skin, smoothing out his furrowed brows, closing his eyes trying to remember what you smelled like. Just like Sharon reached her breaking point, he had too. Steve couldn’t watch you any longer without being the one you wanted without a doubt.

“Stevie.” You softly whisper, before pulling him into your arms.

Even if he was double your size, he let you hold him as best as you could. Comfort him even if you were the reason he’s breaking.

The strong, persistent boxer had been transported back to the sick and thin kid he once was before all the guns and glory came. Steve was right back to where he got rejected by anyone and everyone. A time and many places where no one gave a damn about Steve Rogers, not anyone he wished for.

You watched him untangle himself from you, but you weren’t sure just how much time had passed. A few minutes? Thirty? An hour?

Only time could tell and she wasn’t really on your side at the moment.

“I’ve only found love once. Back in high school, there was this girl, Hazel. She was kind, sweet, eyes that shined like fresh honey. The first person to ever show any interest in me and I was in love with the fact that someone actually wanted me.” Steve felt his heart clench at the memory he wished to forget.

“I truly believed I loved her with every fiber in me and I thought she cared about me too, until I realized she was just using me to get to Bucky.” You watched the distress wash over him again and you wanted nothing more than to make him feel appreciated and loved. Not rejected and forgotten.

“It broke my heart for months because I truly believed I was in love with this girl who I hardly knew.” He sighed deeply, like he somehow already was aware of the soft whisper of goodbye.

“It always kind of stayed with me, not ever feeling like I was good enough for anyone until Tony found me. Graduated high school and I started training dawn till dusk until I couldn’t anymore just to start all over and do it the next day.” He was looking everywhere but you. Even if there was not a thing in this damn hallway, but two pressured hearts.

“Not too long after, I met you and I remember thinking this is the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met in my life.” Now, feeling like an absolute dick because you truly didn't deserve for this wonderful man to be in your life.

“You were so kind to me and you had no reason to be, but I learned it’s just who you are. This amazingly bright full beam, shining their light on everyone else — not paying attention to how much they give even if it’s everything they have.” Your skin felt hot beyond comparison, the passion in the words he spoke deeper than the memory of his skin against your own.

“I always tried to ignore it, how stupidly kind and thoughtful you are. How much you take care of me when you don’t have to. You cleaned my wounds for months without even asking me what I was doing.”

“I already knew you had a boyfriend, one you love very much, but I couldn’t stop myself from being around you. Now, I have to leave. I need to move on for me because I know how this ends for me — how it always has.” He sighed before walking away, leaving you hanging in every conceivable way. You didn’t notice the suitcase by the door before. Until he was walking out of the apartment with his possessions in hand — out of sight and out of mind.

“Wait!” He was already making it to his car, the old beat up pickup truck he couldn’t seem to get rid of when you reached him. “I just need time, Steve.” You’d been sprinting after him, until you caught up to him, making his attention fully focused on you.

“Jordan’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had — I don’t know how to let him go.” You were crying because maybe, deep down you were hoping you could have your cake and eat it too.

“And you’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with, Dove. I can’t keep sticking around hoping you’ll wake up one day and feel the same.” He emptied his belongings in his truck before returning his attention towards you.

“Steve, don’t do this. Please. Don’t leave me.” You’d become so dependent on him, more than you realized. “You’re the only person who truly loves me and not for who they want me to be.” Trying to plead with him, but it felt like you were only pushing him even further away.

“Then tell me I’m the only one you want.” But all he was left with silence because you couldn’t and he already knew what you didn’t. He knew you hated change more than anything, that you’d rather stay in what was comfortable even if you were presented with a different option.

Someone you wanted more.

With tears in your eyes, you looked up at him like he was crushing you and there was nothing to stop the numbing feeling. He sympathized, maybe more than he liked to admit, it’s what he chose to live with over the past year. It started the moment he met you if he was truly being honest.

He knew there was nothing left for him, no matter how much his heart clenched at the sound of your cries. He couldn’t be the one who was always taking care of you, loving you, when you didn’t feel what he felt. It was splitting him open, and you just kept taking pieces of him away — parts of him you would hold forever.

He let you cling onto him one more time, begging for him not to leave you. He let you believe he wouldn’t as he calmed you back in a false sense of security. Until you were asleep in his soft sheets later that night, leaving you lonely in the home you’d been sharing.

With only half of his belongings with him, he pulled up to the project he had just completed. Even now, with not a single hope you would ever see it after he just abandoned you, there was still a light hope you’d be able to at least see it one day. If Steve was ever strong enough to face his heartbreak again.

tagging: @tonystankschild | @andromedasstarship | @tinylumpiaa | @brattycherubwrites | @bval-1 | @kayteewritessteve |

[yannowhatigiveup]

My One And Only - Chapter 10

Previous | Next

I might post this one shot I’m writing later. I really need to work on my angst but I just can’t bring myself to write it. I just love fluffity fluff Because... it’s fluff, my heart go melt. Also we’re starting to get into the longer chapters now, yAY

"So?" Alya asked. "Can you tell me?"

Marinette nodded. "So um, his name is D-Damian"

————————————————————

Marinette excused herself to go to the bathroom while Alya said she would wait for her by the school's entrance. Marinette already told her about her encounter with Damian and her crush on him too which Alya found to be sweet. Then she noticed Nino and Adrien enter.

"Hey Adrien is it ok if I steal Nino for a few minutes?" She asked.

"Sure go ahead" Adrien answered, amused.

"Thanks" she said while grabbing Nino's arm and dragging him away. "I did it" she whispered to him.

"Did what?"

"I found out who Mari's crush is! But I ain't telling"

"Whaaaat why not?" Nino pouted teasingly.

"I'll tell you when they get together" she kissed him on the cheek "You can go back to Adrien now. See ya!" She went back to the locker room where Marinette was waiting.

"Hey do you wanna join us later?" Marinette asked. "We're just gonna go for a walk around Paris"

"If you want me to" Alya replied with a smug face. 'But I don't want to invade the bubble you two will be in'

~~~

Damian was in his hotel room using a make shift punching bag when the sky became dark. He took down his homemade punching bag and took a look outside. The sky wasn't really the clear but it wasn't that dark either. The clouds became jet-black and shot large bolts of electric lightning. Damian took a step back as he notice a figure floating in the sky, shooting lightning bolts from her parasol. He decided to go into the roof of the hotel to get a better look. He remained in the shadows while watching the girl wreaking havoc. 'Is this what Angel meant?'. He was dumbfounded by how powerful this villain was but then he remembered magic was involved, magic was always powerful. Then the villain floated towards the hotel.

"Where is Chloe Bourgeois!?" The villain shouted, mainly to herself. Then Damian noticed a glowing butterfly mask appear on the akumatized villain. "Yes, Hawkmoth?"

'Hawkmoth...' Damian spat the name in his mouth. He disliked this man, such cowardice for targeting younger ones like he did.

"Don't worry Hawkmoth, they'll be here. I'm too big of a threat to ignore" the girl praised herself and as if it were a word of command, A boy in a black cat suit appeared. 'That must be Chat Noir'

"Back again huh Ice Queen?" The cat-themed superhero teased.

"My name is not Ice Queen! It's Stormy Weather!" She shouted back.

"For an ice queen, you really need to cool down" he fired back. Then the girl used her parasol to conjure a massive gust of wind but Chat Noir dodged it. Then Damian watched as a spotted yo-yo wrapped around Chat Noir and dragged him away. Damian then could've sworn he heard the sound of a flute but he didn't think anything of it when Chat Noir returned, this time with a spotted hero and a fox themed hero. 'Ladybug and...Rena Rouge I suppose'.

Stormy Weather then took a fighting stance only to have her eyes covered with a towel by a figure behind. 'That's....Ladybug but how-' Damian inwardly sighed. 'Magic I suppose'. He watched as the fake Ladybug disappeared while the real Ladybug grabbed the girl's parasol and smash it in half, intrigued to see a purple butterfly, fly out of the umbrella. Damian watched as Ladybug had snatched the butterfly into her yo-yo and then proceeded to 'de-evilise' it, as what Marinette said. He kept observing them. He watched in awe as Ladybug took the spotted towel used the cover Stormy Weather's eyes and threw it in the sky, many magical butterflies emerging and fixing everything that was damaged. From the sky to the nearby buildings. After they defeated the villain, they fist bumped and then Chat Noir took the now normal girl back to where she came from. Then Ladybug took Rena Rouge and they travelled in the opposite direction.

Now thinking it was safe to come out, Damian approached from the dark and went back to his hotel room via stairs. As he locked the door to his hotel room he realised something he had not noticed before, they all had a different specialized weapon. "How could I not have noticed that before?" He muttered to himself. He played through his memories. 'Ladybug has a Yo-yo, The cat had a retractable staff and Rena had...a flute was it?'. He decided to write some of this down in Arabic that way no one would know what it said even if they were to find the note. He dedicated the rest of his time researching the heroes.

~~~

"Alya" Marinette whined. "It's not a date"

"Even if it wasn't, I still gotta make sure you look good" Alya styled her best friends's hair into a bun with a few strands loose on either side of her face. The outfit she chose for Marinette was an ivory turtleneck sweater dress with brown knee-high boots, all MDC originals of course. The thing is, Alya still didn't know that Marinette was MDC. She hadn't told her yet so convincing her best friend that all these clothes were 'thank you gifts' was difficult to say the least. When Marinette looked at herself in the mirror she let out a tiny audible gasp. She looked great if she said so herself. "What did I tell you? You're best friend knows what looks good on you" Alya said proudly while patting herself on the back.

"Yeah, you did great" Marinette giggled. "Now come on let's go!" She grabbed her best friend's arm and dragged her to where they agreed to meet Damian.

Alya wasn't sure what she was expecting but it definitely wasn't what she saw. In the distance she saw a tall, muscular and handsome man. She wasn't attracted to him, in fact, the neutral scowl on his face was enough to send fear up her spine. Alya wasn't sure if this man was safe to be around, or if it was even Damian for that matter but the bright sparkle in Marinette's eye when spotting him confirmed that this was indeed Damian. Alya watched astounded as the once threatening scowl on his face turned into a naturally soft smile the moment his eyes spotted her best friend. 'This guy is totally in love with Mari. And I'm here for it'

When Damian noticed Marinette with a girl, 'Césaire probably', he smiled and walked up to them. "Hello Angel, nice to see you" he said in French. He turned to the other girl "Damian , nice to meet you" he said again in French while holding his hand out for a handshake.

"Alya, Alya Césaire" Marinette's best friend said while returning the handshake.

Marinette's eyes were bright when Alya and Damian had introduced themselves "So now that we're here, what should we do?"

"Didn't you say that you needed fabric for your designs?" Alya asked.

"Yeah b-"

"In that case we should go shop for the fabric needed" Damian replied.

"That's nice of you guys but we don't have too-"

"Come one I know a few shops!" Alya grabbed Marinette's hand and dragged her to the fabric shops in the area with great reviews without allowing her to protest. Damian tagged right behind, smiling at the two best friend's interaction. Alya then took the time to whisper into her best friend's ear. "He called you Angel" she said with smirk on her face.

"I-it's just a nickname" Marinette stuttered as she felt her face become hot. Alya playfully rolled her eyes while leading the bluenette to one of the best fabric shops in Paris with Damian in tow.

In the end they bought Marinette three different rolls of fabric. Damian was the one who paid, though it took a long time arguing before Marinette finally backed down. She was the one who wanted to pay but Damian kept insisting he should pay. He had also offered to carry all the rolls of fabric, not that he needed to ask because he carried them anyway, ignoring Alya and Marinette's protests. Soon they arrived at her parents' bakery and they met a surprised Sabine Cheng and Tom Dupain, they were mostly surprised at the boy who could carry three rolls of fabric single-handedly and look as if he could carry more. They watched, amused, as their daughter and this boy argued back and forth. Marinette saying that she could carry the rolls of fabric to her room by herself and the boy saying that he could carry it by himself. The argument didn't even last a minute before they came to a conclusion; Marinette would take one of the rolls while the boy would bring the other two. When they both left to go to Marinette's room, Alya answered a question that was in both the parents' head.

"His name is Damian" Alya said. "Marinette says he's an exchange student from the US"

"The US?" Tom said confused. "I thought he could've been from Bordeaux, there wasn't a hint of an accent'

"He must have been studying French for a long time" Sabine said, quite impressed.

Alya nodded. "Marinette's known him for a while, I just met him today and he's very smart"

Then both Marinette and Damian came downstairs. "Maman, Papa I'm going with Alya to make sure she gets hom-"

"I can go by myself it's fine" Alya interrupted. 'You and Damian need some time alone!' She inwardly smirked.

"Then I'll make sure Damian goes home" Marinette said without hesitation. They both said their goodbyes and walked out, leaving Alya and Marinette's parents.

"He's good husband material" Sabine said the moment her daughter and the boy left. Both Alya and Tom chuckled while nodding. Then when Alya turned to leave, Sabine and Tom went back to decorating some cupcakes.

~~~

Adrien kept looking through all the fan-mail he got, it was a lot but he wanted to read each and every one of them so that his fans knew he cared. But there was still something at the back of his mind, something nagging him. It was about when Plagg went to talk with Tikki about what he described as 'Kwami Business'. Adrien knew it was private conversations between kwamis but he could help but be curious as when Plagg had asked for permission to go, he was much more serious than he probably has been his entire life. "Plagg"

"Yeah Adrien?" The kwami replied, biting his aged Camembert.

"The day you went to talk with Tikki, what did you have to talk about?" Adrien watched as Plagg stiffened. Surprisingly, he put his cheese aside. 'Uh oh, this must be serious'

Plagg sighed, "It about the side effects of the miraculous"

"Side effects?" Now he was getting worried.

"The side effects only a true miraculous holder could get" Plagg mumbled hesitantly.

———

Taglist: @little-bluestar, @miracleofadisaster, @frieddonutsweets, @jjmjjktth, @genderfluidmoma, @starlitdreaming, @icerosecrystal, @lolieg

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

COMING HOME

Jackson “Jax” Teller x Reader

Anon #1 asked: Jax teller x reader a smuuuuttttttt one pleaseeeee

Anon #2 asked: Oh yay! Bc I really wanted to request something, although if you're not comfortable writing it I totally understand. I wanted to request Jax Teller x reader where the reader is being mistreated (how ever ur comfortable writing that) by a boyfriend and she escapes to the club house where Jax is there late one night, and he ends up taking care of her and comforting her. She tells him she broke things off & he ends up telling her how he feels and it's really fluffy? Or some variation of this.

Warnings: NSFW, smut.

Word Count: 2.3k

Author comments: First time writing for Jax and I don't know what the fuck I did. The story of my life. This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @minnicelli ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

When you want to realize, you're stopping dead the wheels of the car in front of the Teller Morrow workshop. Your eyes are filled with tears, running down your cheeks and getting mixed with the blood on your face. It hurts a lot, even the smallest movement you make with your face. There's a gap under your left eye, product of a hit that Larry gave you with one of his golden rings. He also broke your lower lip by a similar punch. You know that tomorrow it's going to be worst. But you can't handle it anymore. Every night is the same shit. Alcohol, drugs and take out his anger with you. 

The main door of the clubhouse gets opened. You stand close to your car, with a hand supported on the hood. Your cry stops for a second, watching Jax giving some slow steps towards you somewhat confused. When he notices the blood, he runs faster than never almost colliding with your body. Cupping your cheeks into his hands, the man has a quick look of your face, clicking his tongue before taking off his jacket to place it on your shoulders. You haven't noticed that you're wearing nothing but a long shirt. No pants, no shoes. Nothing. Jax lifts you up between his arms, letting you get a little relaxed knowing that you're already safe.

“What happened?” He asks without looking at you, and his jaw tightening.

You just shrug your shoulders in silence, while he leaves you over his bed. You're not trying to protect your boyfriend, you don't want to see him again after all the pain he provoked you. But seems pretty obvious what happened and why you ran away from your house. Jax have always been so kind and gentle with you, that you thought he was the one who could protect you. You met him almost six years ago, just by a coincidence, and you started to be friends since the first moment you impressed him talking about his bike. And of course, he never liked Larry, knowing the piece of trash he is.

“I'm sor—sorry. I didn't know whe—where to go”.

“Home. You're at home, okay?” He replies, leaning towards the mattress with a knee nailed in to leave a kiss on your forehead. “I'll be back in a second, don' move”.

You simply nod, trying to clean your tears and staining the back of your hands with some blood. Not much after, he comes back from the bathroom carrying some cotton, alcohol and stitches to fix you up. It hurts. The hydrogen peroxide in contact with your skin itches too much. And you're ashamed because of Jax is seeing you falling into pieces, even when he warned you about that guy and what he could do.

“I will leave by morning. Just… please, let me stay tonight”. You beg desperate, pulling away from him your gaze as soon as he finishes of putting the stitches. 

“You can stay here all the time you need. There are enough empty dorms. And I will take care of you, so Samcro will too”. Lifting up your face by two fingers under your chin, he forces you to look at him. “I'm gonna give you some clothes, so you can take a shower, okay?”

Helping you to get up from his bed, Jax lets you go barely a few seconds. Enough time to find another shirt and a pair of sweatpants. You take it from his hands, almost caressing it ephemerally, before walk into the bathroom closing the door behind your steps. The warm water finally relax your body, falling all around you from your hair to your toes. You know that the nightmare has ended and that your, now, ex-boyfriend is not going to bother you anymore. Although you can't help but feel somewhat restless, wrapping your body with a towel and sitting on the toilet, having a deep, deep breath. 

When you're ready, wearing the clothes that Jax gave you and having a last look in the mirror of your bruised face, you walk out of the bathroom. The man hangs up a call before you can hear anything he's talking about.

“Better?”

“Yes… Thank you”.

“This has to end, (Y/N)”.

You nod licking your lips, standing up close to the bed.

“Tomorrow Chibs, Happy and I will go with you to pick up your things. You can stay here, if you feel safe”. He sentences, knowing that you don't have any option, even if it's the best one. “I can't… see you again like that”.

“I'm sorry, Jax…” You say again, sitting slowly by his side.

“I'm being serious”.

“I know”.

“I told you”. 

Seems like he's getting desperate, rubbing his face with both hands and pulling away the short hair back to his nape. You can't help but hug him, wrapping his shoulders with both arms as you sink your face on his neck. It feels good. His smell is enough to make you lost all the fears that were running through your body, knowing that everything is going to get better. 

“That asshole doesn't deserve you. You're much more than a one-night-stand. You have to know it”. He mutters holding you a little more tightly.

“Ja—”

Before you can say anything else, not even a word, he lifts up your chin colliding your lips with his. Your heart jumps, racing faster than you could think. And it takes you some seconds to react, but you kiss him back. Slowly. So slowly, enjoying the taste of beer and cigars, while his nervous hands holds your hips wanting you closer if it's possible. When his tongue finds yours looks like an explosion inside your mouth. You were desiring it since you met him, and seems like he was feeling the same way. 

“Stay with me”.

One of his hands cups your cheek, tangling the tiptoes in some bristles close to you ear. His nose touching yours, eyes closed, drinking each other's breaths. 

“I want you to stay with me, lemme' make it up to you”. 

The mutter colliding in your lips makes you nod in silence. Running down his callous hands by your sides, Jax lifts up the Reaper Crew shirt to throw it somewhere, enjoying the views of your bristling nipples calling him. He leans forward to them catching one between his lips and the other with two fingers. One being bitten, the other being pinched. And a soft moan growing in your mouth. He knows exactly what to do, wetting it with his saliva and touring your skin with the tip of his tongue. His free hand travels down right to the waistband of your sweatpants, going under it to lightly touch your beaten clit needed for any kind of caresses. For Jax feels so good find you so wet, only for him. Something that he has been wanting so fucking bad since a long time ago. He curves his finger inside your pussy, slowly, trying to learn every single inch of it and its tightness. 

Your hips moving unconsciously looking for more friction when you feel how he is getting harder every second you're on top of him, gasping and begging for more whispering. After taking off his shirt, the man bites your lower lip, pulling away his finger from you just to make you lay down above the mattress. He finally undresses you, being exposed to his blue eyes getting darker and watching how he licks his lips.

“Touch you as I would do it”.

You don't say nothing, opening your legs for the SOA' president and placing them to both sides of his body kneeled on the bed. He's going to remember it his whole life, looking how he follows every move your right hand does. It goes down by your stomach before continuing for the pelvis. You can feel the heat that emanates from your thighs, when you dig a finger in your pussy. Yes, it's wetted like never before. And you start to jerk yourself off, maintaining his lustful gaze, somewhat faster than he did before. The first moan appears when you see him rubbing the lump on his crotch, so needed to feel it inside you.

“Fuck, Jackson…”

“You like it?”

“Yes… Yes…” You try to nod, going a little bit deeper, almost arching your back. “Can you… Can you… Hm… I want a second finger, please…”

“You got it, baby”. He answers hardening his tone.

And you step in another one, containing yourself of gasping too loud, not knowing if someone else is in the clubhouse. You pound your hot pussy imagining that is his cock, spreading more your legs to let Jax sees how much you want him. Your palm almost hitting your entrance, intensifying the uncontrollably sounds your vocals chords utter. You want a third one and a fourth one thrusting you, to compensate that it's not his hand, nor his dick, burning in pleasure and desire.

Jax frees himself of the jeans, showing you that huge erection with some veins marked in, making your mouth watering by imagine how it could feel pressing it to your throat and filling you completely till drown you. His long fingers moving his own sensitive skin from top to bottom, as fast as you're fingering your pussy. 

“Put a third one, baby”. He asks you licking his lower lip, not being able to raise the look of your hand.

You obey as the good girl you are, screaming out his name when you push it harder into you. You can't help but intensify the erratic move, provoking him to do the same. You're about to come, squeezing your legs over the sheets, when the older grabs your forearm to pull it away making you growl somewhat upset. 

“Lemme' taste you”.

You can't talk. You just nod in silence, watching how he lies down between your legs, putting his arms under them but nailing his hands on your abdomen. His tongue goes slow from your back entrance to the other, tasting and drinking your fluids until he reach your swollen clit. His beard gives you some tickles every time it touches your thighs. Jax gently bite that sensitive part of your body, tangling your wetted fingers in the blonde bristles.

“Cum in my mouth, (Y/N)”

Even if it's a petition, it finally sounds like a command, thrusting two fingers decorated by two gold rings under his tongue. Into you. 

“Fuck, Jax!” You cry out, pushing his face closer among your legs.

His tongue feels delicious, moving so fast around your entrance that you can't handle it for much more, while his fingers completes the next level of pleasure you have never felt before. Arching your back at the exact moment your anatomy shakes because of his mouth, he presses his nose against your skin touring your pussy to taste your cum. He can assure that he has never tried something better.

And the man doesn't let you any time to recover yourself, when he's already helping you to sit up.

“All in fours, my love”. He whispers close to your lips, before leaving a smooth kiss on them.

You do, turning your body to support your weight on your palms and knees. Chest resting above the pillow, spreaded legs and waist raised up. Positioning his body not fully naked among your thighs, Jax guides his dick all over your ass and pussy to tease you a little. You can hear the sound of a spittle, feeling it colliding to your entrances, and the saliva running down to the bed, knowing he's gonna fuck you without having to ask for it.

So he does. Nailing his hands on your hips almost hurting you, he digs his cock among your folds, making you scream with broken voice. Far away stayed the slow moves to make you feel loved, pounding you so hard that the headboard collides with the wall. Your moans getting tangled with his guttural growls wandering around the dorm. His lower abdomen hitting your ass once and again, resting your forehead on the pillow, as he goes deep into it. You want more. You couldn't be tired of his thrusts, being satisfied for the first time in years. 

Jax is so big. More than he wants to hide under his typical jeans. And it feel so good when you find yourself close to the edge again. The orgasm finds you some hard pounds after, crying loud his full name and making him smirk proud of it. 

“I want to cum in that delicious mouth yours, baby… Can I, uh?”

It's pretty fun how he has been giving you orders the whole time, to now ask you for something. How could you even say ‘no’? You raise a hand back to his chest, making him know that you want it too. Quickly, Jax pulls out his throbbing erection, jacking himself off while you lie on your back and he practically sits on your breasts. Taking your nape with his free hand, he lifts up your head until his red glans is above your open lips ready to receive his cum. You step out your tongue at the moment he finally fills your mouth with his hot seed, right to your throat. Jax has to slightly lean his neck back, cursing himself for not being able to see your face. But he does when you swallow his juices, before sucking his cock. Stealing him a loud moan, you press your wall with his glans, tasting the most sweet than bitter fluids on it, licking his skin with your tongue and wetting it with your saliva.

“Good girl, take it all”.

Leaving it there until an arcade appears, you feel one of his hands touching your pussy again, soaking it with your jizz before lying by your side. Then, he brings his fingers to your mouth, enjoying the way you have to lick them so calm and slow that you could make him fall into the ecstasy again. His lips finds yours, with that mix of alcohol and your delicious cums on your tongues.

Jax takes the advantage of get full undressed, before getting comfy close to you, with tired and short kisses traveling all around your face.

“Will you lemme take care of you?”

You nod in silence, trying to catch back your breathe and placing a shaky leg surrounding his waist. He caresses it with his right hand, putting the left arm under your neck to hold you closer.

“I love you, (Y/N)”. He mutters into your lips, drawing a goofy smile on the corner of your lips.

“I love you, Jax”.

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

⛽️ 🔥 FIRE AND GASOLINE 🔥⛽️ (PART 1?)

Prompt: Y/N’s life has changed drastically, precisely 10 years ago and all because of an adorable lunatic and two little maniacs. But what will happen when a divergency of thoughts leads Y/N and her lunatic to say some pretty harsh words, that they know they will regret it later?

Word count: Maybe too long?

Pairing: Jon Moxley (or even Dean Ambrose if that’s your liking) x Reader

Warnings: For now, just some cursing and angst

Notes: His time has finally arrived and I couldn’t be more nervous about it! This goes out to my sincerely unhealthy love for Jon Moxley and my mixed feelings about having kids (sounds like a good match right?). Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

A light smile formed on my lips as I watched through the kitchen sink window Atticus and Rosie play in the backyard as I did the dishes. I never thought that my life could change for the better with a 6 and 4 years old..and to think that I never thought of myself as the maternal type.

The plate I was rinsing off almost broke on the sink as my body jumped from fright, when a pair of hands embraced my hips

“Oh God, you almost gave me a heart attack! Are you crazy?”

“Not really, just a little lunatic..” He laughed “I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention to frighten you, but once I saw that ass kitten I lost my fucking mind! Just like I did 10 years ago...” His hands roamed on my hips until they reached my ass that he lightly slapped. “Did you miss me, cherry?” His lips glued on the nape of my neck

‘Cherry’ that lame ass nickname he gave me 10 years ago...and all because my cheeks go incredibly red when I blush or whenever the weather gets cold making a huge contrast against my pale skin.

“Of course I missed you! This house gets too boring without you in it” I lightly chuckled

“Is that the only reason why you missed me?” He grinds his bulge on my ass, as an insinuation to what he actually meant by that question

“Jon, the kids are outside...”

“I’m not doing anything, I’m just asking an innocent question kitten” He nibs my neck

I turn around to face him, placing my arms around his neck leaning in for a kiss. It started innocently, but Jon Moxley wouldn’t be Jon Moxley if things were kept innocent.

His hands reached the hem of my tank top, sliding in to meet my bare skin, he roams up til he finally founds what he was looking for.

“Fuck baby, I missed these” He whispers as he softly but firmly squeezes my breasts. As much as I would like to have some fun time with my husband it’s not ‘adult time’ yet, which meant the kids were still up. So no ‘dirty deeds’ for us just yet.

I took the little bit of sanity I still had and broke the kiss

“Jon, that’ll have to wait babe”

He sighs “C’mon Y/N is just a quickie kitten, the kids won’t even notice you’re not here..just a few pumps in, I swear!”

“The last time you wanted to give it just ‘a few pumps in’ I was birthing Rosie 9 months later” I reminded him

“So? We love each other, we’re an adult couple with a beautiful family and a lot of love to give” He nibs my bottom lip “What’s wrong with having another little maniac? I wouldn’t mind! We make some pretty fucking good looking kids, we should start practicing another one now” He vaguely said

Oh God not this again... This has been a pretty heated topic between Jon and I, he was always crazy about kids but I wasn’t very fondly of them. When I found out I was pregnant with Atticus I lost my mind! I wasn’t sure about the whole ‘mommy’ commitment for life thing, I didn’t even knew if I had one single bone of motherhood in me. That soon changed though when I first held Atticus on my arms, at that moment I knew my heart was sold to some stinky bum that would call me ‘mom’ for the rest of my life. Rosie was a surprise too, we haven’t even talked about the possibility of having another kid and I was already pregnant with her.

Right after that the baby factory was officially closed to me but not for Jon, he wanted at least two more kids and I didn’t, he had a bit of a trouble understanding that back then I didn’t even wanted my first one! I love my kids, I would die for them in a blink but that doesn’t mean that I eagerly look forward being pregnant every goddamn year.

Jon’s job doesn’t help either, with him constantly being on the road I do most of the raising when it comes to the kids. Of course he still is an amazing father in the short amount of time he is home but still, I’m the one who has to do the working, cooking, cleaning, give baths, put to bed, take to swimming classes, brazilian jiu-jitsu classes, dentist appointments, running to the emergency at 3am because one of them is suddenly sick while the other one sleeps at the emergency’s waiting room chair, wiping off their tears whenever daddy has to leave again..

“Jon, not this topic again, please” I beg

“What is wrong with me wanting to discuss having another baby with the woman that I love?”

“It’s not that simple Jon, I wish it was but is not” I said slightly angry

“Yes it is that simple Y/N! You’re the one who’s always trying to complicate things” He let go of my hips

Great! Now he’s angry too. That’s just what I needed!

“Jon look, I don’t want us to fight ok? You just got home and we all miss each other so why don’t we drop it for now huh?”

I tried to wave the white flag, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t work with Jon ‘The Stubborn’ Moxley

“Of course you want to drop it, it’s not of your interest is it? No it isn’t! You always do this! Whenever a subject doesn’t matter to you, you don’t wanna talk about it, you’re always so selfish! Always thinking about yourself, never once caring about me or what I want! Selfish as fuck!” He raised his voice

When people say that words can hurt more than actions they were right. If he had punched me in the face it wouldn’t hurt as much as the harshness of his words. To say that I am selfish? After everything I left behind just to be with him? That hurt! And instead of doing the adult thing and keep my mouth shut before I said something I knew I would regret it, I did the Y/N thing where I run my mouth with harsher words than he’s previous ones just so I could hurt him as much as he hurt me

“I’m selfish? Me? Oh you better place the mirror in front of your own face to find the definition for that word Jonathan! You are the one who gets to make your ‘wrestler life’ on the road, living like a single man with not even one worry on your mind while I get behind with two kids and all the shit that comes with the package! It’s easy for you to say it with your 15 minutes FaceTime parenting that you do! In the mean time I have to be the bad guy who has to always say no because glorious dad is on the road chasing his dream for when he gets home he will do all of his kids luxuries so he can try to compensate his absence with Barbie dolls and hot wheels cars! So yeah I’m the selfish one Jonathan, good thing you notice that” I regretted those words as soon as they fell from my lips.

Jon’s eyes briefly showed the hurt caused by them but he soon replaced that with rage and pride before lifting his head up to say

“And is thanks to glorious dad that you have this comfortable house, a nice car and a shit ton of food on your table sweetheart. Let’s be honest here Y/N, how are you supposed to support yourself and the kids with your shitty excuse for a salary? I wipe my ass with the pitiful money that you make” He huffed

I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life. Yes my paycheck was mere cents compared to his, but I worked hard for my money, I was proud to have my own money, to share the bills with him and was proud for not taking the easy path of relying on a rich man to support myself (like my dear old mother proudly did). So the fact that he took something that was so prideful to me and used to humiliate me, made me for once rethink all of our 10 years together and if it was worth it at all.

Tears threaten to fall from my eyes and Jon seemed to have realized what he just said as for he reached his hand to cup my cheek

“Kitten, I-“

“Don’t! Don’t touch me, I don’t want you anywhere near me” I said in between sobs

“Y/N please I-“

“Mommy, why are you crying?” I saw Rosie’s smile die on her lips once she saw me crying.

I heard Atticus’ fast footsteps coming by the french doors to stop by Rosie

“Yay, daddy’s home- Mommy are you ok? Why are you crying? Did you get hurt?” His small but smart baby blue eyes roamed my face and my body for any signs of physical hurt

“Yes stinker, mommy got hurt” I said trying to hold back my sobs

“Where? I can’t see anything” Those clever blue orbs that were a faithful copy of Jon’s roamed through me once more trying to find the injury

“Why don’t you guys come here and tell daddy how much you’ve missed him while mommy goes upstairs to clean up the scratch?”

They just nodded and ran towards Jon, who took them both in his arms

“Y/N” He started but I gave him a look that made him go silent.

I reached the safety of my bedroom, feeling the urgent need to run away. Run away from him, from this house, from this country. Taking with me only the clothes on my body and my two little beasties...the immature part of me yelled ‘do it, do it’ but the grownup in me knows I can’t do this. It’s not fair to the kids, they barely get to see their father whom they love and miss so much. It’s not fair to Jon either, he loves those kids more than he’s own life.

But right now I needed my safe place (or better, person), I needed to breath so I called her and when I received the ok on spending 3 days at her house I packed a small little bag with enough close for just those days, as I was zipping up the bag a faint knock came from the bedroom door soon after being followed by it opening.

“Kitten, can we talk- What are you doing?” He asked in urgency as he bursts into the bedroom approaching me.

“I’m gonna go to Nancy’s” I vaguely said looking at anywhere but him

“Nance? Your sister?”

“She’s the only Nancy I know, so yeah..”

“But why? I just got home, I wanna be together Y/N”

“It’s just for 3 days Jon..you’ll be with the kids, they need you and they miss you” My voice is a faint whisper

“But I need and miss you too! I want you here! How am I supposed to enjoy my family if it’s not complete? I’m sure we can figure it out whatever it is that happened earlier” He grabbed my shoulders turning me to face him and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to look me in the eyes.

“Y/N, kitten, I know that I’ve said some pretty harsh things to you earlier. I’ve been stressed out. It’s all my fault, I’m so sorry cherry. Please forgive me baby” He pressed his forehead with mine

That was typical Jon, always pulling the guilt towards himself, he has a hard time understanding that he was not always the only cause of a disagreement.

“Jon, we both said some stupid things ok? This is not all on you, love” I released myself from him, if he continued this close I wouldn’t resist, and right now I need to think.

“Yes it is Y/N. Me and my stupid fucking mouth, not you. You’re perfect kitten”

I scoffed “Trust me, I am not”

“Yes you are! Look at who I am now because of you, I stopped doing drugs, I’m not a drinking mess anymore, I eagerly look forward coming come because I know that the three pieces of my heart are waiting for me, look at what I’ve achieved, what you gave me, how you gave up everything and everybody to be with me”

Oh yeah,that.. my ‘high society family’ was not happy at all when they met Jon, they said that we were a very dangerous combination of fire and gasoline, that we would never be happy. I had two options they said, either them or him. I hated my family and loved Jon so it was a simple math. I left my house and all of the luxury behind to live with him in his ridiculously small one bedroom old apartment. The only person that I still talked to was Nancy my older and just as rebel sister, who gave everybody the middle finger and left the not so humble abode of my family never speaking with them again. So it made sense that the two rebellious black sheeps would become their own family, mine was Nancy and I was hers.

“Jon I need some time to think, we need it ok? Please, we both need to digest what we’ve said to each other. It wasn’t just a simple ‘fuck off’ we’ve said some pretty bad stuff so let’s just process this ok?” I beg

“Are you gonna leave me forever? Please don’t tell me you’ll want divorce because of this...I won’t handle it kitten” His voice was strangled by tears

“Jon-” I was thankfully interrupted by Rosie’s and Atticus’ screams of joy on the hallway as they ran towards our bedroom

“Mommy, daddy the movie is about to start c’mon” Atticus says as he jumps from excitement. They have been wanting to watch Moana for a while now, but only when daddy got home so he could watch it too.

“We’re going buddy” Jon fastly said

“Actually” I begin “Only daddy will watch the movie with you” It crushed my heart to see the disappointment on their faces

“Why?” Rosie asks

“Because auntie Nancy called and mommy’s gonna need to go and help her”

“Is auntie Nana in trouble?” Now it was Atticus turn to ask

“No stinker, she just need momma’s help with something, it’s nothing bad I promise”

“Can you go to Nancy’s after the movie?” Jon hopefully asks, he knows that the longer I stay the less likely it will be for me to leave.

The kids gasped at their daddy’s amazingly smart idea.

“Please mommy, please!” The kids started to beg as they kneeled down to make their begging really serious.

Jon kneeled down too, by my side. I looked at him confused and he just said

“Yeah mommy, please stay” He placed his hands on my hips “Please kitten, don’t leave me” He whispered

And now I have 3 pairs of incredibly beautiful and pleading baby blue eyes staring at me waiting for my answer.

What am I supposed to do?...

To be continued (?)

What do you think? Should this story continue? Would you like to see what will Y/N do? What would you do? Please let me know your thoughts, they are so very important to me and help me with my writing 💕🥰

[youllneverknowrac]

Oscar Diaz-Intoxicated

For @gisellyt

“Y/N, you need to drink some water.” You hear your best friend, Rosa, say from beside you. The two of you sitting in the corner section you guys had rented for the night. You had decided to have a girls night with your group of friends and after being at the club for a few hours you were way past drunk.

“Yeah, try to sober up some.” You other friend adds encouragingly,”It’s almost closing time and we have to go home.”

“Fuuuuuck water and fuck home.” You slur as you stand to your feet, your vision blurry,”I want to danceeee. Let’s dance you boring bitches.”

“I’m calling Oscar.” Another one of your friends say quietly so you can’t hear, going through your purse and grabbing your phone as you make your way to the dance floor.

“I Love this song!” You squeal, making friends with some blonde girl who was equally as drunk as you were. Your girlfriends making sure to keep an eye on you as they sit around the table.

“We should get a shot!” The new girl-Ashley?- says into your ear as you both dance together.

“B-52?!” You suggest

“Yummy! Yes!” She agrees and takes your hand, dragging you to the bar. You both clumsily climb onto the stools and grab the bar tenders attention.

“Hello, hi.” You smile and order the shots once he comes over,”Keep them coming.”

“Y/N. Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” The familiar voice of your friend says as she grips your arm.

“I think you’ve had not enough.” You giggle,”Drink with us, I got shots!”

“Shots, shots, shots!” Hannah? sings from beside you

“You don’t need any more alcohol.” Rosa groans, the bartender sliding the two tiny glasses over as you hand over the cash.

“Buzzkill.” You mutter as you quickly down it, turning to look at Nicole? who just slammed hers down as well.

“There you are.” A girl who looks exactly like your new friend sighs in relief,”Let’s go Jane, now.” She demands, grabbing her and pulling her away.

“Bye!” She calls out drunkenly, giving you a wave as she disappears into the crowd.

“Awe, I’m gonna miss her.” You pout before shrugging and ordering another shot.

“Nope, cancel that.” Rosa says and forcefully pushes you to your feet,”We’re going outside. Some fresh air will do you good.”

“No!” You complain every step of the way, the rest of your friends joining you outside as well. Each of them getting their own Uber until it was just you and Rosa left outside.

“Let’s go back in. They don’t close for like another thirty minutes.” You pout, lightly stomping your foot,”I don’t want to be outside.”

“Stop!” Rosa laughs, keeping a tight hold on you as you try to pull away.

“I got it from here. Thanks for waiting for me.” You hear your boyfriend say from behind you, his grip replacing hers.

“No problem, ella simplemente no dejaba de tomar.” She explains,”I’ll call her tomorrow, you should get her home.”

“Yeah.” He agrees with a nod,”You need me to drop you off?”

“No, it’s okay. I got a Uber.” She declines as you try to turn around to actually look at Oscar.

“Everybody stop grabbing me.” You say and pull yourself away him, nearly tripping off the curb.

“Get your ass in the car.” Oscar says, ignoring your request as he helps you balance yourself before pushing you inside his car and slamming the door shut,”Bye.” He tells your best friend, going to his side and sliding in.

“I thought you said one drink?” He asks as he starts the engine

“I thought you said one drink.” You copy his voice with a eye roll

“Are you gonna have a attitude?”

“I don’t know? Am I?” You say, turning your head to look at him,”I didn’t want to leave.”

“You can barley stand up, you don’t need to be at no club when you’re that drunk.”

“Whatever...loser.” You say amusingly,”Oscar’s a loser, Oscar’s a loser, a loser.” You sing

“This is why I don’t like when you go out with your friends. You get too wasted and then I have to take care of you.” He sighs, keeping his eyes in the road

“If you don’t want to take care of me then I’ll leave.” You offer,”I’ll go, you’ll never see me again. I’ll roll out of the car right now.”

“Shut yo dramatic ass up.” Oscar smacks, a small smirk forming on his lips a moment later.

“So mean to me. I just wanted to have a good time...girls just wanna have fun.” You say and lean towards the radio, connecting your phone to the gigged up old style radio with the cord,”This ones for you.” You say, the music blasting and Oscar instantly recognizing the song.

“Change this shit.”

You Ignore him and scoot closer, your two fingers pressing against his temple roughly,”Punch you in the face, muthafucka I knock ya teeth out

Every time I come through, I got my heat out

If you want smoke, ain't nothin' we gotta speak 'bout.” You shout into his ear, Oscar’s jaw clenching as he endures your scratchy voice,”I'ma start G-checking all you fuckin' clowns

One question, are you fuckin' down?

Wrong answer, here's a hunnid rounds.” You continue, acting as if you’ve had a gun in your hand before you get a bright idea,”Oscar?” You ask sweetly

“What?” He grits out through his teeth

“Do you have your gun?”

“What? Of course I do, why?” He asks, glancing over at you with a perplexed look.

“Let me play with it, it goes with the song. I wanna feel like a gangster.” You explain, your words sounding reasonable in your head.

Oscar doesn’t reply, instead he breaks out in laughter. His hand smacking the side of the wheel,”Fuck no! Play? Estas loca o que?” He wheezes

“Whatever, I’ll buy my own.” You say, scooting away from him and ripping your phone off of the cord,”A pink one. So don’t piss me off or I’m going to shoot you with it, cause I’m a OG.” You giggle

“Shoot me? Is that right?” Oscar laughs,”You wouldn’t. You’d miss me too much.”

“I would.” You smile,”I guess a pistol whip would have to do.”

“You know your mouth gets real reckless when you drink. Like you got no fucking filter.”

“Well if you wouldn’t baby me and make me come home, I wouldn’t be acting like this.” You tell him, reaching over and taking his hand off of the wheel so you can hold it,”But I know how you can make it up to me.”

“Hm, and how would that be?” Oscar asks, bringing his other hand up to take over the wheel.

“Tacos.” You smile,”And I’ll be the best girlfriend over.”

“Tacos? You’re gonna puke.”

“Pretty positive I’m already going to do that.” You laugh,”I’m so hungry, I’m going to starve.”

“Hay comida en la casa.”

“Okay mom.” You say as you play with his fingers,”But I don’t want food at the house...please papi. You know you want some too.”

“If I go, will you stop talking?” He asks teasingly

“No, but I’ll be very happy. You want me to be happy right? I’ll even get out and order them, I can do that. I think.”

“Fuck it, fine.” He sighs, making a detour and driving to the taco truck that was just outside of your neighborhood.

“Yay.” You smile, leaning over to kiss his cheek,”I love you.”

“Me or the tacos?”

“Both.”

He shakes his head, bringing your entangled hands up to press a kiss to your hand,”I’m the only person who will ever put up with your shit, don’t forget that.”

“Like I’m not the only person who would put up with yours? We were made for each other.”

“Tú lo sabes.” He grins, the rest of the car ride being filled with more playful banter and the occasional song performance from you. Oscar pulls into the lot where the familiar truck is stationed and parks a few feet away.

“Pastor right?” You ask him

“Yeah, get me four.”

“Excuse me?” You cough holding your hand out,”Money?”

He scoffs and digs into his pocket, pulling out a 20,”Go.”

“Thanks.” You grin and get out of the car, taking each step carefully,”Hi Emmanuel, hows your night.” You grin to the older Hispanic guy that has been in the community forever.

“Not as good as yours.” He chuckles as he takes in your appearance,”Tell me Mija what can I get for you.”

“Four of pastor and then three of barbacoa.” You answer with ease,”Could I also get a corona?”

“You got it, dame cinco minutos.” He informs before pushing away from the side window and getting your order together.

You walk back to the car, going over to the drivers side, the window already down as Oscar smokes,”Five minutes.” You say

“Aight.” Oscar nods, inhaling smoke before letting it blow out through his nose.

“Let’s go out together next time.” You suggest, leaning through the window,”We haven’t gone out in a while.”

“Maybe, if you really want too.”

“I do. I like when we go out together.” You smile,”Next week?”

“Sure mami, if nothing comes up.”

“Can’t wait.” You say happily, stretching your neck to give Oscar a quick kiss,”Thank you.” You laugh as you take the rest of the joint from him, moving away from the window as you smoke.

“Ladrona.” He jokes, a yawn escaping his mouth after since it was the middle of the night.

“It’s not stealing when I’m your girl.” You retort, taking the final hit before tossing it into the gravel.

“Nah, it’s still stealing.”

“Oh shhh.” You say exaggeratedly, blowing him a kiss after. You don’t wait for him to reply as you stagger back to the taco truck to wait out the last few minutes.

“Ten even, I put some salsa and extra onion in the bag for you.” Emmanuel says when he opens the window back up.

“Thank you, it’s smells amazing like always.” You grin and pay him before grabbing the change and beer in one hand, the plastic bag in the other,”Bye!” You shout out over your shoulder as you walk back to the car. Oscar leans over to push open the door, letting you slide.

“You got a beer? Seriously?” He asks as he takes the bag from you, digging through it and pulling out his order.

“Sure did.” You reply, twisting the cap off and taking a swing,”Ah refreshing.”

“Borracha.” He calls out before taking a bite of his taco.

“Funny, coming from a borracho.” You smirk, placing the beverage in between you guys so you could eat.

He flips you off with his free hand, eating more of his food before taking his own sip of the beer. Oscar eating like a normal person where as you moaned in delight with every single bite.

“Those were the best tacos ever.” You groan in satisfaction, Oscar gathering all the trash into the plastic bag,”Food is always better after a night out.”

“I agree with that.” He says before climbing out of the car to throw away the trash, the beer making you get the hiccups,”Let’s go home.” He sighs when he gets back in,”You’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow.”

“Good thing I have you to take care of me.” You smile, snuggling into his side and Oscar wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you feel your body wanting to fall asleep.

“Always.” He chuckles, driving towards the neighborhood slowly,”I’ll make you some hangover menudo for the morning.”

“Mhm I love you.” You yawn, your eyes closing.

“Love you mami.” He reply’s, letting you doze off. Whenever he reaches the house, knowing that he would not be able to wake you up, he carefully pulls you out and carry’s you bridal style into the house. He groans as he sets you down in the bed, taking your shoes off before covering you up with the thick blanket. Laying down next to you and rubbing his eyes, already knowing that you were going to be a pain in his ass tomorrow when you woke up. Which turned out to be only a few short houses later when you woke him up by running to the toilet to empty your stomach.

“See? You don’t need to be going out with your friends.” He smirks, kneeling down next to you as he rubs your back.

“Shut up.” You cough, more vomit spewing from you seconds later,”I’m never drinking again.” You whine, Oscar keeping his mouth shut and helping you get through the first meltdown of the day. Just like he always did.

[ghostlyandcoastly]

The Dusty (dramione marriage law fic)

Hi I posted my first real dramione fic (other one is probs dead and abandoned) last night I figured why not post it here too! You can read it on AO3 or read it below

Chapter One: Ginny brings the wine

Hermione returned to her flat drained of all energy. She was not a witch easily defeated. She fought Voldemort throughout her school years for Merlin’s sake! It took a lot for Hermione Granger to have the fight in her body and brain depleted. And this? This was what broke her.

She’d been in a twelve-round legislative battle. As a legislative aide to the Minister of Magic, one of the youngest and brightest, she’d been working against a certain bill. A bill Hermione saw as the end of peacetime. A bill that Hermione would go to her grave cursing. A bill Hermione thought immoral and suspect. It was a Marriage bill. Although she supposed now, she would have to come to terms with the fact it was now a Marriage Law.

She had made valiant legal and moral arguments. She had lobbied members of the Wizengamot. She had garnered support in the wizarding media. And yet, when the cards fell, she was on the losing side. She was not used to losing. It did not feel good.

The bill- the law, she corrected herself mentally- was called The Decree To Unite Wizarding Society Through Espousal (DUWSTE or “the dusty” as Ron and others had taken to calling it). It mandated that every unmarried witch and wizard ages 21 to 35 be married. Yet this was not the only mandate. It required pureblood wizards to marry muggleborns or first-generation half-bloods. And still, yet, this was not the most repulsive thing about the law to Hermione. The second most repulsive thing about this would be that the pairs would be determined by magic. The members of the Wizengamot who initially proposed this law had charmed a goblet (which reminded Hermione of the disastrous consequences of a certain goblet of fire in her fourth year) to spit out names “appropriately” matched. The pairs would be revealed in a ceremony in one week’s time. The worst item in the proposal- now law- was the Child stipulation. Couples must produce at least one magical child within three years of marriage. There were invasive measures to be taken which would determine levels of fertility and whether the couple has made attempts at the child-making process. Hermione found this despicable. No matter how sterile the language was, the details were reprehensible. The idea that any man or woman would be forced to stand by, having their privacy completely disregarded in such a crude manner was shameful.

Hermione accused the law of depriving wizards and witches of agency and publicly ridiculed the idea that whatever charm the proponents had placed upon the goblet would result in “loving and harmonious couples” as a farce. 

But all of her fighting was for not because the bill had passed, although narrowly. She had been biting at her nails as the final votes were cast. When Wilhemina Walters cast her yay vote, Hermione had nearly broken down in tears. There were two more members to vote after that but Wilhelmina, one of the swing votes, had put it in the pocket of the bill’s proponents. Once the final result was called, (“The Decree to Unite Wizarding Society Through Espousal has passed the Wizengamot for immediate enactment. Notices to the relevant wizards and witches will be sent out on Monday via the Minister of Magic’s office. This session of the Wizengamot is hereby adjourned.”) Hermione fled from the chamber and found herself bent over the toilet, throwing up her guts like her lunch was slugs and she was Ron in second year.

Hermione shook her head as she felt another round of tears welling up. She could not believe this was happening. In one week, she would find out who she was marrying. Her mind drifted thinking of the possibilities. There were few men she actually liked and was comfortable around. There was obviously Harry and Ron whom she loved. But neither of them was an option. Harry and Ginny had been married a year and a half ago. Ron was engaged to Susan Bones as of seven months ago, prior to this bill being an issue. The Dusty (she was now resolved to not give it more respect than it deserved) had a stipulation that if you were engaged prior to the enactment of the law with proof of the date, you were not subject to the matching “service”. However, if you submitted a waiver under the engagement clause you must marry within three months of the enactment of the law. The other male friends she had were similarly tied up in relationships. Neville proposed to Hannah Abbott a month ago- not because of the law, but because they were in love. Although Hermione had her suspicions about whether Neville and Hannah rushed it because of the law. There was George who had eloped with Angelina Johnson (now Weasley) a few months ago. They both outright admitted that it was because of the law. They did not see any purpose of waiting if they were going to be forced to marry. There were Dean and Seamus but they’d been married since the day after the Battle of Hogwarts. 

The only single male friend she had was Blaise Zabini. Zabini was also a legislative aide to the Minister of Magic. They’d fought together against the bill but he hadn’t been quite so invested. He proposed to her daily, knowing she was annoyed at the prospect of marrying not out of an abundance of choice and love. The proposals were never serious. Blaise had said if the bill passed, he was sure he could put up with whoever he was matched with. He knew he was charming and he didn’t really believe in true love after all. Blaise made fun of Hermione for being a closet romantic. She huffed but she knew it was true.

A knock at her door pulled her from her reverie. She made her way to the door without much enthusiasm. Looking through the peephole which glowed green for “safe and familiar”, she saw it was Ginny. She opened the door to her friend’s too bright expression.

“I have wine and I have chocolate. Let’s mourn the end of your singlehood.”

Hermione felt her eyes well up.

“Oh, no. Don’t do that. Drink!” Ginny shoved her way into her flat and pushed Hermione to the couch and went about getting wine glasses from the kitchen, leaving the large bag of chocolates on Hermione’s lap. Hermione sighed deeply before tearing into a hazelnut vanilla chocolate.

They spent hours gossiping about anything other than the law. They got drunk and they ate chocolate and called for takeout delivery. But once properly lubricated, Ginny broached the topic.

“Soooo… at least this means you’ll finally get laid again.” Ginny said with a slight but noticeable slur to her voice. Hermione, being a lightweight, had a loose enough tongue to not just shake her head at Ginny.

“No way! I don’t wanna get ministry-mandated-sex for the rest of my life! I should-” She hiccoughed. “I should have gotten laid more often.” She sighs.

“You should have. But you were too busy fighting the damn dusty to do much of anything except eat, sleep, and be dragged for-forcibibibily to social gatherings on the weekend sometimes by my husband and me.” Ginny finished her statement and Hermione was about to reply indignantly (she didn’t have to be dragged per se) but Ginny sat up abruptly. “I have an idea! An excellent idea!”

“Oh no. What?” Hermione knew to be on guard when drunk Ginny had an idea.

“You still have time! You have a week til you get your partner. Even then, who says you can’t have a fling before you get married? It’s not like it’ll be a particularly romantic relationship in the three months they give you to get to know each other before marrying you off.”

“You want me to have a fling?”

“I want you to get laid. I want you to have sex that you won’t hate. I know you. No matter how nice the guy is, how attractive he is, or how big his cock is, you won’t be satisfied with ministry-mandated sex!”

“That’s right at least. It’ll always be in the back of my mind that this is something that I didn’t want, that would be forced upon me.” She sighs, expecting tears to come but they don’t. Maybe she’d run out.

“So that’s that. Tomorrow we’ll go out for a girls’ night, inviting Luna and Susan and Hannah, that will result in you getting laid at some bloke’s apartment and us married and engaged folks will go home and get laid by our husbands-fiances.” Ginny lacked tact sober. When drunk, she certainly didn’t pull punches. “One, way to put a fine point on it. Two, you expect me to have a one night stand?” She said doubtfully. “How am I gonna find someone? I know all of wizarding London pretty much. I’ve been out with a couple of people and either they were deeply uninteresting or uninterested in me.”

“I doubt the latter was true for anyone, first of all. Second of all, we’ll go to a muggle club. You can have hot, completely noncommittal sex with a muggle and it’ll be fun! I promise!” Hermione looked at her friend with doubt, amusement, and a bit of insecurity in her eyes. “I promise!” Ginny repeats. With that, they move on to other topics but the idea Ginny has planted has taken root in Hermione’s mind. She had one week of freedom where she wouldn’t be government-mandated engaged. She’d spend it having fun and thumbing her nose at the ministry.

That had been a Wednesday night. Hermione woke up Thursday with a hangover and owled in sick for the day at work. She wasn’t ready to show her face. If she saw Joanna Gibson or Todd Travers, she might have punched their pretty little noses. Joanna and Todd were both legislative aides of Norris Baumbach, the senior member of the Wizengamot who was responsible for pushing the bill through. Hermione despised the two of them. Travers was the cousin of a convicted Death Eater and his Slytherin ambition was crystal clear to Hermione. Travers would do anything to clear his family name- and that included playing dirty, provided he wasn’t caught. Joanna Gibson was an obnoxious Ravenclaw half-blood who, while she wasn’t as dirty as Travers, was significantly more a bitch. Hermione didn’t want to see their smug expressions. All the legislative aides worked on the same floor and there would be no avoiding them once at the ministry.

She spent Thursday eating fast food and peanut butter cups. She watched The Notebook and caught up on a muggle romance novel she’d started months ago. She received several owls from friends with good wishes but she didn’t have the energy to respond. She promised herself she would wake up early tomorrow and reply but today was a day that she reserved for herself.

On Friday she woke up early like she said and responded to everyone.

To Harry, she wrote,

I’m fine. Ginny should keep her mouth shut. I know you’ll always be there for me and I appreciate it. I’m getting ready tomorrow at yours so we can talk more then. Love you.

To Ron and Susan (though the note from them had been distinctly Susan with a postscript distinctly Ron), she wrote,

I’m fine. I always knew it was a possibility. Love you guys. We should meet for lunch next week. Trust me, I’m determined to have this damn thing affect my life in the least amount of ways possible. Speaking of, Susan, would you like to join Ginny and a few others and me on a girls night out tomorrow? Also, Ron, I happily accept your offer to blow my future husband’s bits to smithereens if he lays an unwanted hand on me. Love you guys too.

She answered Luna, Kingsley, and Neville’s notes next before moving on to the final one. The one from Draco Malfoy. They rarely spoke. Malfoy was occasionally around the office when he came to visit Blaise and they had worked together once when Hermione was working on legislation that she needed a master potioneer’s help with. Hermione found him to be every bit as arrogant and obnoxious- though even she could see he was not the boy he once was. For one, he was very much a man, as loathe as she was to admit such a thing. Yes, Draco Malfoy had grown into his pointy features and his skin no longer looked unhealthy- though it was a far cry from tanned.

The note from Malfoy had been short and had sparked a fire in her that had previously been put out.

Granger,

Blaise tells me you owled in sick to work. Never thought you’d be so easily defeated. All these years of poking at you and you let a little thing like a ‘lowly despicable immoral’ law that cast shade on all our futures defeat you. Tsk, tsk. What’s that muggle saying? Don’t let the bastards get you down? Get back up, Granger.

She was irritated. She was mystified. She felt like she had been confunded. So she wrote back to the best of her ability.

Malfoy,

Firstly, you made an inaccurate assumption. I simply wasn’t feeling well. Don’t presume to know me. Secondly, why must you Slytherins be so shady about your meaning? I can’t tell where you stand on this law. You certainly never spoke out against it. Nor in favor of it. Though I’m guessing your bigoted little mind would be against it- poor Draco Malfoy could never sully himself with a muggleborn, surely it’d be beneath him. Curious that you didn’t speak out. Or did you just not want to be on the same side as me? Thirdly, you made a common muggle mistake. The actual phrase is don’t let the bastards grind you down. Don’t worry, happens to the best of us. Fourthly, I will be back at the ministry today but not simply because you told me to so don’t go getting a big head thinking your words of wisdom somehow prompted my miraculous recovery. Fifthly, why are you writing to me? What do you get out of this?

Sincerely sod off,

Hermione Granger

Hermione made a noise at the back of her throat, proud of her note but distinctly uncomfortable that Malfoy had contacted her about this. Even more so uncomfortable that he was encouraging her. Albeit in a very arrogant way. Could she expect anything different from Draco Malfoy?

She shook it off and hurried off to the ministry, determined to turn her legislative tide. She was at her desk for only a few minutes before Blaise sat down across from her and slid a steaming cup of coffee her way.

“Oh, bless you!” Hermione gushed. 

Blaise smiled and replied, “I didn’t sneeze but you’re welcome.” Then his expression changed from jovial to sober which was a disturbing trend as Hermione had so rarely seen that change. “So how are you feeling?” Hermione huffed at this question. She’d probably be fielding it a lot for a little bit.

“I’m fine.” She insists. He gives her a look that says don’t lie to a liar. “I’ve made a plan. All I’ve ever needed was a plan.” Blaise snorted.

“You’re not running off with Potter to defeat You Know Who.” Even after all these years, many still wouldn’t say his name. No matter how often she would insist to Blaise that fear of the name blah blah blah. “You’re going to be married. And he could be the most charming bloke and you’re going to despise him. You’re not fine.”

“Ginny said something similar.” She blushed remembering Ginny’s comments about her mystery husband’s dick. “There’s nothing I can do about it now. There’s no more fighting it. At least not outright.” Blaise squinted in a very Slytherin manner.

“What exactly do you have planned Golden Girl?” He asked.

“Wouldn’t you just love to know.” She winked at him. He leaned back and grabbed his heart in a sarcastic but friendly manner. She laughed at his antics. “Back to work, back to work.” She made a shooing motion with her hand and he rolled his eyes at her.

Hermione was working on another Goblin fair pay bill because the last one had come out so toothless its supporters waned and its antagonists still voted no. Getting the Goblins to work with her on it had been a beast of a task in the first place. Now she had to go back to Moregi, the appointed Goblin liaison to the ministry, and beg for his cooperation once again. He was a cynical creature, to begin with, and with the latest defeat, he was growing more so. She couldn’t blame him though. It was rather defeating.

She shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair. It seemed nothing was going right. She knew when she took the job that it would not be easy and she was not the kind of person who could leave work at the office and not pour every ounce of herself into what was in front of her. Before The Dusty, Hermione had fantasized about true love, being the closet romantic she was. She had dreamed of a partner to come home to, a partner who would make her want to leave it all behind her when she stepped through the floo. Her heart twinged as she kissed this fantasy goodbye. She’d be chasing work even harder than usual once she had her ministry-appointed husband in her ministry-assigned place of residence.

“So is that what you do all day to get it to look that way?” A distinctly arrogant voice pulled her out of her reverie.

“What are you on about this time Malfoy?” She groaned, not looking up. He came around from time to time despite not having any official ministry position. Malfoy was the first of the Malfoy men to take up an actual career that wasn’t flitting about in politics and investments. He was an apprentice to Ollivander. Hermione always did wonder about that relationship given that Ollivander had been trapped in his family’s dungeons.

“Your hands. Mussing about in the mess you call hair.” He drawled. She looked up at him and gave him a cruel look.

“I imagine your hands spend plenty of time in your hair, massaging the pounds of hair product into it.”

“Yes, and I imagine it would take absolutely massive pounds of hair product to tame your hair an inch.” He tossed back.

“Pounds can’t be massive. It’s a definitive measurement, you can’t qualify it.” She informed him, satisfied with herself. Malfoy opened his mouth to retort but found himself interrupted by his best friend.

“What are you annoying Granger about this time, Draco?” Blaise asked.

“Oh, we all know Granger’s apparent annoyance at me is all just an act for how much she fancies me.” Blaise raised an eyebrow at this. Malfoy just smirked.

“You possess the charm of an acromantula to me, Malfoy.” She put her head down, back to the legislative work that awaited her. Blaise laughed at his two friends and sat back with his feet up on his desk.

“What brings you this way, Draco?” Blaise asks.

“Checking to see that Granger hadn’t offed herself yet and to take you to lunch, Blaise.” Draco said casually. Hermione looked up sharply and stood in the next second.

“I’ll have you know I’m doing perfectly fine!” She’d reached her wit’s end of everyone treating her like she’d suffered a personal tragedy and Malfoy’s casually cruel comment set her off. “Or I will be, very soon.” She said more to herself than the two men in front of her.

“Ah, yes. The plan.” Blaise said.

“Yes. The plan.” Hermione turned up her nose, resisting the urge to stomp her foot.

“What plan are you referring to?” Draco asked Blaise, knowing he wasn’t likely to get a response out of her.

“She won’t tell me. Just something that involves her indirectly fighting The Dusty.” Blaise informed Draco.

“Zabini!” Hermione reprimanded. She didn’t need Malfoy peering into this. Meanwhile, Malfoy just scoffed.

“The language of the law is quite precise. You know it damn well. What could you possibly do?”

“I’m taking back control of my life.” She said vaguely.

“What does that mean?” Blaise asks, unable to resist a puzzle.

“It means… well…” She wasn’t sure how to continue this. But Malfoy’s eyes were challenging her and she was always up for a dare. A Gryffindor, indeed. “The law says nothing about a pre-marital fling.”

She waited while the boys digested this. Then they looked at one another and burst out laughing. This led to her hands situating themselves on her hips in a haughty manner.

“What is ever so funny?” Hermione hissed.

“Your plan is to become a hussy?” Malfoy smirked, still chuckling.

“Excuse you!” She nearly screeched, causing the few in the office to look over at them. Well, those that hadn’t been looking before.

“C’mon, Hermione. It doesn’t exactly seem like you.” Zabini added.

“Yeah. Come off it. Haven’t you already turned to ice and stone from the lack of taking control as you put it?”

“You don’t think I’m capable? Neither of you?”

“Of casual, adult fun? No, I don’t.” Malfoy shrugged.

“Not that you’re incapable… just not necessarily comfortable doing something like that.” Blaise countered.

“I-I! Well! I’ll have you both know that I am not some sexless amoeba. I am an adult woman perfectly capable and willing to have a tryst with a man.” She resolutely exclaims.

“Alright. I’m sure you are.” Blaise held up his hands innocently, admitting defeat. Malfoy had not gotten the stand down memo.

“Prove it.” He says.

“Excuse me?” Hermione balks.

“Come to the pub tonight. We’ll pick a fellow out and you have to seduce him. Unless you’re incapable and unwilling.”

“Well, as shocking as this may seem to a prejudiced fool like you, Malfoy, the plan is to go to a muggle club. I’ve found them to be much more attentive than wizards anyways.” She added the last part, trying to make him blush as much as he was her.

“Well you have fun with that, Herm-” Blaise is cut off from his peacemaking efforts.

“We’ll come.”

“What?!” Blaise exclaims.

“We’ll come to your muggle pub. Meet you at the Leaky at nine?” Malfoy challenges her. She squints at him, trying to determine his game here.

“Sure. If you can stand to breathe all those muggle germs.”

“You know nothing about me, Granger.” He says cryptically before turning to Blaise who looked stricken, an uncommon occurrence for him. “Ready for lunch?” Without another word, he turned and started walking out the door. Blaise sighed heavily and stood to follow him but stopped at Hermione’s desk.

“Do you want me to talk him out of this?” Blaise asked, giving away his secret that he is actually a good friend.

“No. It’ll do the both of you some good to experience some culture that’s not prickly wizarding society. And do me some good to the surprised look on your faces when I do snag a man.” Hermione said more confidently than she felt. Blaise smiled and kissed her cheek.

“I’m sure this will go swimmingly.”

Hermione slumped to her chair. She was really going to do this now, wasn’t she? The thought of The Dusty popped back into her mind- her reason for this whole plot to begin with. A twinge in her gut reminded her how sharp the loss still was. The nervous fluttering in her stomach reminded her how very trapped she felt by it all. But the solid beat of her heart in her chest reminded her that she was a Gryffindor and Malfoy had baited her- she wasn’t about to back down.

[ajokeformur-ray]

✨ Unfiltered Joker thoughts ✨

I watched Joker with a bunch of lovely clowns on my Discord and while they werewolf’d in the chat, I typed out my thoughts here as they came to me. These are unedited, unfiltered, and exactly as they were in my head. I don’t know who’d be interested in this but 🤷‍♀️ who doesn’t love unfiltered thoughts about our man? NSFW ahead in places, lmao and some self-ship elements because it’s always on my mind.

There are Controversial Things within, I’m sure - be nice about it if you wanna comment, or unfollow/block etc. if it bothers you I won’t take it personally. I will take it personally if I’m sent a rude message, though. Fair warning. You curate your own online experience so scroll past silently if you gotta!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Tagging @arthurflecc @jokerownsmysoul @daincrediblegg @sweet-nothings04 bc they were in the chat and missed me there!! 

 Word count: 4, 597.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJO -

*Presses play*

OMG THERE HE IS BABYYYYYYYY ~ 

Ugh that white shirt... 🥵

“paint me like one of your french girls” 👀

oh, honey, no. 

Don’t force yourself to smile, my love, it’s okay. you can be hurting.

sweet angel who can do no wrong asdfghjkl

wanna kiss that tear away...

CARNIVALCARNIVAL CARNIVAL *STARTS SWAYING IN MY SEAT*

jaunty piano to juxtapose his shitty mood

you spin me right round, baby, right round...

ohhh, baby 🥺🥺🥺

someone’s honky lmaoooooo ~ 

that cello

Ohhhh, darling man.... i’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

WOOPS CRYINGGGG ~

sweet angel love still tryna be funy with the flower squirting...

what else will squirt tonight???👀

ohhh, darling. deep breaths baby. it’s okay. you’re okay.

CRYINGGGGG

ohhhh baby boyyyy....

legit just cooed aloud

oh angel <3 

“is it just me or is it getting crazier out there?”

it is my love... it is. 

let me sit on your lap and still the shaking of your legs

ohhhh my love. you’re okay. just breathe.

Dr. Kane was doing her best but you’re beyond what she can handle

you deserve better, sweetheart.

my love, my life.

I JUMPED WHEN HE HIT HIS HEAD IN ARKHAM

“who knows?”

yeah me too, my love. me too. 

“i just dont wanna feel so bad anymore”

oh baby.

i know, my love. i wish i could hold your hand and stroke your hair and kiss your cheeks 🥺🥺🥺

had a shitty day but wants to comfort a child on the bus. thats my manssss ~ <3 <3 <3 

okay but his peekaboo makes me giggle please do that to me when im sad

“‘cuse you bitch?”

the greasepaint still on his face is endearing omg 

GIVE HIM BACK HIS CARD OR IMMA RIOTTTT

CRYINGGGGG 

ohhhh baby. no. deep breaths. i’m here, my love. not going anywhere

those fucking steps

me too, darling. i feel your exhaustion like it’s my own and i long to take it from you without changing a single thing about you.

my love, my life

the weariness of an unchanged routine is a paralysing one

wanna rub cream on your bruises

“yeah, mum” so soft im cry

“eat. you need to eat” i hear you in my head when i wanna skip meals and it helps me.

“oh yeah? who do you talk to?” YES SASS HER

“yay murray” ohhhhh angel you’re so cute I’m cry 🥺

murray you wankstain - old and crusty 🤮🤢🤮🤢

arthur’s laugh in his daydream 🥺🥺

“i love you murray” // “you’re awful murray” baby noooooo

“theres something special about you arthur” the only real thing murrat ever fuckin said AND IT WASNT EVEN A REAL THING IT WAS IN HIS HEAD

“I TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY MOTHER” YEEEES BABY YOU DO! SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

just wantin recognition in your daydreams bc you dont get it in your real life

YOU SWEET THING

HIS SWEET SMILE AND THE CELLO OH BABY 🥺😭

YOUR BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

shoes are too tight so you gotta stretch em 

can you stretch me too???👀🥵💦🔥

“chuckletown” RANDALLS LEGACY AND WE TURNED IT INTO SMTHN LOVING AND NOT SARKY LIKE HE INTENDED LMAO FUCK YOU RANDALL YOU PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIIT

arthur’s hair in the sun omg like a halo

randall fuck off fucking fuck off go aWAY LEAVE MY ARTHUR ALONE

you asswipe

arthurs shy and nervous lil giggle omg baby say no give the gun back its not well intended 

“my boy”  AHA LMAO HE DOES PAY YOU BACK BUT NOT HOW YOU EXPECT LMAOOOO YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE

THOSE CURLS

arthur’s sweet little lilting voice in front of his boss omggggg ~ 

HOYYYYYYT 

his logic makes no sense wtffffff ~ 

RETAIL SMILE LMAO THATS A MOOD 

brewing insanity..... 

POUND ME LIKE THOSE TRASH BAGS

RUIN ME AND THEN REBUILD ME IN YOUR IMAGE 

those mf stairs again

it’s the same old team since 1916... in your head, in your head...

never in my LIFE have i been aroused by a FOOT

lmao only Arthur istg that man is the exception to my every rule

Gigi is so CUTE 🥺

THAT SMIRK SIR CAN YOU NOT

“hey” omggg look at you tryna connect ugh so proud of youuu ~ 

the moon is a silver dollar... 

THOSE CURLS

THOSE BARE FEET

THAT SOFT VOICE

ARTHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 

frances conroy is a goddess omg i love herrrr ~ 

espesh on ahs she’s a queen

but i digress lmao wrong fandom

“dont you have to be funny to be a comedian”

FUCK OFF PENNY 

FUCK RIGHT OFF THEN FUCK OFF SOME MORE PLEASE

slap that bass.... 

FINGERSSS ON THE GUN ASDFGHJ PUT THEM ON ME INSTEADDDD

zoom zoom the world is in a mess

LMAO YEP

“psh” omg you sweet angel asdfghjk

THAT EYEBROW RAISE ASDFGHJK SASSY KINGGGGG

GET ITTTTTT

UGH THAT BODY WANNA COVER IT IN MARKS OF LOVE TO REPLACE THE VIOLENT MARKS

ARTHUR @ HIMSELF “YOURE A GOOD DANCER // I KNOW”

omggggg sweet clumsy babyyyy

lmaooo “old war movie” do you tell penny that when we get caught having sex on the sofa????

arthur honey following sophie isn’t.... the best way to get her attention asdfghjk 

someone needs to teach you social interactions... 

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTTTTTE

that student/teacher roleplay comedian at pogos makes no sense to me???? i dont get his jokes at all

lmao bad comediannnnnn

arthur’s cute lil mistimed giggles ksksksksk 

wanna kiss your cheeks every timmmme 

you’re working so hard to achieve your goals im so so proud of you

ambidextroussss ~ (just like me omg we’re perfect for each otherrrrr)

“people expect you to behave as if you dont” YOU INTELLIGENT LIL SHIT OMG I LOVE YOU AND YOUR MIND

you know its a daydream if arthurs wearing a shirt at home 

his shy “yeah” omggggg ~ angelllll 

“i have a gun i can come by tomorrow” LMAOOOOOOOO 

“youre so funny arthur” YES HE IS DREAM!SOPHIE

CARNIVAL CARNIVAL CARNIVAL

I ACTUALLY STOMP MY FEET HERE BC IM HAPPY FOR THE TIME HES ON SCREEN SWEET CLOWN 

THE ONLY ONE IM NOT AFRAID OF

HES SO SO HAPPY OMGGG

BABY BOYYYY IN HIS ELEMENT

SAD THO BC KIDS ARE TERMINALLY ILL 

bestest party clownnnn 

“I love this job” oh baby 🥺🥺

aaaaaaaaand now the betrayal from randall lmao fuck that dude

NO BB YOUR FOREHEAD NO SMASHY GLASSY

LMAO THE FUCK ERIKA???

dudes 35 not a kid 

throwing greasy chips into a girl’s hair isn’t how to flirt my dude lmao you’re gross??? 

ew

EW EW EW WIGGLE YOUR CHIPS ELSEWHERE

ohhhh arthur, honey no omg breathe it’s okay

you wanna help but you dont know how

you sweet thing 

send in the clowwwwwwwwwwwwwwns ~ 

IM CRYINGGGGG

“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives”

JOEKR ITS NOT YOUR TIME YET GO AWAYYYY

lmao jokes stay you know im lost without you 

HOW CAN YOUR HAIR LOOK SO GOOD AFTER BEING UNDER A WIG ALL DAY ?????

carnival with arthur’s hair is just 👌👌👌👌

WHERES HIS CARDDDDD 

nooooooo omg baby no omg i wish i could take all those punches for you

i’d take it all in a heartbeat to save you

gritting his teeth not taking in anymore

YES BABY GET EEEEEEM

YES YES YES YES STAND UP FOR YOURSELF SO PROUD OF YOU

first 2 self defence, 3rd one unsure lmao but fuck it 

no PUT THE GUN AWAY FROM YOUR FACE BABY ITS OKAY DONT FORGET YOUR BAG OR YOUR WIG ITS EVIDENCE

KILL THE 3RD COVER YOUR TRACKS

GOOD BOYYYYYY

carnival with blood on face = killing your insecurities

8 bullets from a 6 chamber????? mm-hm lmao i know @daincrediblegg wrote a thing on this once lmao bestest Egg is smart and i love her muchly 🥰🥰🥰🥰

run baby run, dont ever look backkk... (check yes juliet)

BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE BATHROOM SCENE

fuck me against that dirty counter

joker’s waking uuuuuuuup....

that cello though unffff 👌

got me clenchinnnnn you fluidddd ~ 

and in his eyes, all the sadness of the world. those pleading eyes that both threaten and adore (phantom of the opera)

my brain is 90% song lyrics 

hes so graceful and ethereal so full of pain and of love and of adventure and worth and need and yearning

my sweet boy

my wonderful angel

my fallen angel

T POSEEEEE

DAYDREAM KISSSSS

ugh push me against the wall and shove your hand down my panties and take whats yours 

please and thanks

so confident

so smooth

so sure

unf

take me angel im all yours 

and my name is carnival

SASSY BOYYYYY

I SAY BOY BUT YOURE A MAN LMAO 

YESSSSSS TELL THEMMMMMMMM 

LMAOOOOOO RANDALL SEEMS LEGIT CONFUSED PFFFT

TOUGH SHIIIIIIIT

LMAOOO PUNCH OUT

BUSTING A LUNNGGGGG

HE DOESNT KNOW HIS OWN STRENGTH

OR HIS OWN LIMITS

“DONT SMILE”

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

nothin worse than being told to smile when you really wanna bare your teeth and let rip

aka me every fuckin minute of my life 

SHUSH ME SHUSH ME SHUSH ME

ILL CRY BUT DO IT

LMAOOOOO CHOKE ME WITH THOSE BICEPS 

ILL GO OUT DOIN WHAT I LOVE

YOUUUUUUU 

“gotham’s lost its way” ok trump

“thats not funny” SHUT UP PENNY YES IT IS

STOP SMOTHERING ARTHUR LET HIM BE FREE

“nobody ever saw me. even i didnt know if i really existed”

and

“you dont listen do you”

BOTH ARE MOODS

i feel them so hard

hes so sure of himself in this session

so angry and done and weary

“people are starting to notice” ALMOST A YEAR OF YOU BEING NOTICED

that green jumper omggg 

good luck getting me out of it pfffft 

“erika have you seen my - oh, there it is. never mind.”

want it back???? payment is kissessss

EW SEXIST COMEDIAN

arthur honey stop primping youre perfect <3 <3 <3 

im so so proud of youuuuu

COLLARBONEEEEEES

OMG HE STUMBLES UP THE STEPS DARLINGGG

I wish i could hold your hand while youre on stage and comfort you while you deliver your jokes

just breathe, darling. it’s okay. i’m here, i promise. <3 

every time you gag on your laughter my heart clenches

CRYINGGGGG

oh, my love, it’s okay. just breathe. dont fight it. dont fight yourself 

you’re so good at imitating your ma pfffft 

lmaoooo you’re so funny arthur 

WOO BOI DONT FLASH YOUR PORN PAGES AT THE AUDIENCE 

givin me ideas.... 

SMILE THOUGH YOUR HEART IS ACHING

SMILE EVEN THOUGH IT’S BREAKING 

WHEN THERE ARE CLOUDS IN THE SKY

YOU’LL GET BY

SMILE THROUGH YOUR FEAR AND SORROW

SMILE

AND MAYBE TOMORROW

YOULL SEE THE SUN COME SHINING THROUGH

arthur is my sunshine

EXCUSE ME HEART EYES OMGGGG

ME AND ARTHUR HEART EYESING AT EACH OTHER PFFFFFT 

gonna put people off their food doin that 

thats life

arthur’s imitations and those soft curls and the dancing and the - 

erika.exe has stopped working 

“come on dance with me”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

i prefer the horizontal dance myself...

“big date”

“deliver the letter”

NARCISSISM 

ARTHUR YOU DESERVE BETTERRRRRRRRRR

IS IT BAD HIS EYEBROWS TURN ME ON?? SO THICK AND DARK AND STRONG I - 

and those eyes

ugh fuck meeee ~ 

yes thats an invitation

penny “needs care” but her handwriting is that neat???? yeah fuck off 

sorry i dont buy it

she was grooming him i think into some kinda husband role and its fucking gross as fuck she was abusing him and he just wanted her gone 

CUTE LIL NOSTRIL FLARES BC SAD AND ANGRY

OMG

his quiet anger scares me but i admire how he calmed down so fast

angry penguinnnnn

HE CARRIES HIS CLOWN NOSE AROUND IN HIS POCKET

CUUUUUUUTE

the similar clothing colours of arthur and bruce is v def intentional 

in another life, arthur....

i’m so sorry darling you deserved and deserve so much better

legit one small change in anything coulda prevented 80% of this film

your magic tricks are gorgeous ~ 

you’re so funny and soothing and comforting and so good with kids

you are the best party clown

I GASPED AT THE FLOWERS

like my server nameee ~ 

“hi” that soft noise 🥺

arthur’s hands on those bars omg 🥵🥵🥵

okay i’ll admit i still dont get the whole arthur/thomas thing lmao is he his dad???? ive seen this film 10000000 x and i still can’t decide.

i wanna say he is but like ??? idk ??

it’s tragic either way omg arthur’s wasted in gotham

ruuuun arthur run run runnnnnnnn 

the bg music isss 👌👌👌👌

arthur accidentally caused penny’s stroke bc med w/drawal but all that abuse, like ????? i get why he kept her sedated lmao i’d want her knocked out or smthn too

7 meds between the two of them, probably.... that might be why he wanted an increase???

you gotta lie, angel.

you’re in way over your head but lie

yeeees good boy!!

“a clown thing?“ lmaoooo tell them!!!

NO ITS EXIT ONLY

KINDA LIKE MY ASS LMAO NO ANAL FOR YOU 

he just wants love and comfort and for someone to stay omg you sweet thing 

you deserve the world and all the forehead kisses 

TURN THE TV OFF

TURN IT OFF

TURN IT - 

OH TOO LATE

arthurrrrr ~ 

its like a car crash lmao you know its coming but you cant stop looking

fuck off murrat

FUCK OFF SOME MORE

oooooooh thats a danger face....

lowkey want it between my thighs lmao use me to work out your frustrations i can take it 

“kill the rich” lmao relatable 

this film revealed to me that i have a flexible morality ksksksk im all for it though 

sleepy bb ~ 

“we are all clowns” ALSO RELATABLE

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

arthurs thriving in the crowd omg yes baby looks so happy

flashes of joker comin throughhh... 

sneaky baby...

quick on his feet, light on his sense... 

tread lightly on my ground, (abba; andante)

THE RED THEATRE SUIT OMG FORESHADOWWWW

he looks good in red

he looks good out of red too 👀👀

that is the smile of the world’s most precious angel omg babyyyy ~ 

he makes me smile omg hes my sunshine

my love my life 

you saved my soul do you know that??? do you feel me and how much i love you? do you see me and these tears? 

do you feel me like i feel you?

ohhhhh boy here we go asdfdgfhgjhk arthur going to meet his dad, only asking for love and instead he gets punched in the face

i mean i get it bc of what arthur did to bruce with the whole hands in the mouth thing but bruce is barely mentioned, like an afterthought?

thomas has a nasty temper i wouldnt want him for a dad

thomas legit only mentions bruce after he’s punched arthur its like his only thought is really protecting himself and his rep with the whole penny thing

his son comes after; legit as he’s walking away he mentions bruce so hes obvs not that concerned????

shitty dad award lmao

not that what arthur did is okay im not excusing his admittedly misguided and lowkey creepy actions but like ????

lmao prob gonna get hate for this ^^ like i did last time i mentioned it but i dont care im allowed an opinion

too tired to care rn anyways pfffft its storming so bad outside and my wifi has dipped idk if this’ll save

c’mon wifi, for me... 

yes

arthur didnt have an attack til he got called crazy, its a trigger word for him 😭

oh baby its okay, deep breaths.

dont fight your laughter, that’ll make it worse 

the way he bounces back from that punch though - you know how to take it, dont you, my love?

you sweet thing.

i wish i could get you out of that fridge omg baby those old ones lock - how did you get out ????

meds are wearing off now.....

darling say no to the show lmao you dont wanna go

*facepalm*

every time i watch this i hope it turns out different

it never does

arthur honey dont ask questions you dont want the answers to

that clerk was protecting you not letting you see the file

that clerk and gary were the only ones nice to you

but it wasnt enough

you needed love and support and help and guidance 

and instead you got literal and metaphorical punches and no break

the hand puppet omgggg ~ 

i want him to play peekaboo with me when im sad/upset/make a hand puppet over my shoulder aszdxfcghvjbkn

ohhhhhh darling stop reading stop reading stop reading

put it down. 

this entire scene is confusing and heartbreaking

ive seen this film 10000000 x and im still not sure i fully understand

his laughing is so much like sobbing here

omg moonshine its okay you can cry. let it all out. 

newspaper clips in a real file???? mmmm - unprofessional or arthur’s manifestation of news??

🤔

we love pathetic fallacy in this house

i wanna get you in the shower and wash you down and feed you and wrap you in my warm embrace “i had a bad day”

my dark angel, it’s okay. i’m here. i love you and im staying with you no matter what

sophie was his last hope, his last chance to reconnect

again im not excusing it lmao but im saying i understand him

hes touching everything to experience it for the first time

he knows shes a daydream

hes self-aware but he needs his coping mechanisms

we all do it

not the breaking in, i mean the daydreaming 

“i had a bad day” shatters my black, shrivelled heart 💔💔💔💔💔💔

ohhh, darling.

istg you’re the only person i ever fucking coo at 

finger-guns = reconnecting = remember me see me

but i guess to sophie it came across as ominous/creepy??

poor arthur trying so hard to reconnect to people and he just cant do it he doesnt have the social know-how bc no one bothered to ever teach him

again im not saying its okay im just saying

lmao i hate how i always feel like i have to justify myself even before thats called into question pffft the internet is cruel and prev times ive voiced myself ive been sent rude messages and once bitten twice shy

the sword forgets but the tree remembers

hes sobbign and laughing and its gut-wrenching

that neighbour yelling “shut up” better catch these hands imma square up

have some compassion dickwad

you never know what someones going through so be kind

always always be kind

^^^ film takeaway right there

if looks could kill penny would be 6 feet under

OH WAIT LMAOOOO 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in killing her he sets himself free. but the trauma and the damage done to him leaves him open to more of the same bc hes so vulnerable

that heart-rate monitor went quiet so quickly did he tune it out????

OMG THE WAY HE REHEARSES FOR THE SHOW YOU SWEET MAN OMG YOU DESERVE THE WORLD

sir thats my seat lmao my throne of red

“yeah? all of you? okay” 🤡🤡🤡

us lining up to fuck him into next week 😂

THATS LIFEEEEE ~ 

the fuck kinda hair dye you usin’???

CHOKE ME W THOSE BICEPS

DANCIN TOGETHER IN THE BATHROOM

THOSE HIPS DONT LIEEEEE 👀👀

scissors = pre-med murder but triggered by “my boy” - term used by abusers. 

poor angel’s triggered by lots of things, i think. theres no telling what triggers his violence and thats what makes him dangerous

could be anything and theres also no telling what his “you wronged me” scale is so ??? 

he’s like a kicked dog... lashes out when hes had so much and wont/cant take anymore

“COMING” yeaaaaah i bet....👀

“i stopped taking my medication and i feel a lot better now” GET OUT GET OUT THATS A RED FLAG OUUUUUUUUUUT YOU GO

OOOOOH JOKER’S LAUGH IS OUT - HES MOCKING YOUUUU AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT BOY’S SMARTICLES

this is why arthurs so dangerous. he looks lithe and weak and fragile but he takes down a man twice his size with scissors in one hit

do not underestimate him it’ll be the last thing you ever do

I WANNA LICK THE BLOOD OFF HIS FACE

BRITISH ACCENT ON POINT 

LMAO he’d so mock me for mine 😂

“you were the only one who was ever really nice to me” a moral codeeee; flexible morality like meeee ~ 

okay but he so made gary jump bc he knew gary was too scared to move otherwise

loooooving the gallows humour with the door lock PFFFT

gotham slept on arthur dude’s hilarious

OH OMH OMG OMGOMOMGOMGOMGOMGOKMG JOKER JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY LOVE MY LIFE MY CLOWN MY HUSBAND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

IM CRYINGGGGGGGG

JOKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

I CANT BREATHE FUCK OMFFFFF LOOK AT HIIIIIIM

LOOOOOOOOOK LOOK LOOK ASZDXFCGVHJBKLKJHGFDSZDXFGHJHKJLKJHGFD

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

MY LOVE MY LIFE MY JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKER

JOKERJOKERJOKER

LMAO HE’D BE GIGGLING AT ME RIGHT NOW OMGGGG

lmao let randall rot there fuck hiiiiiiim (and not in the fun way)

i want Joker to touch my clit like he did the lift button 👀

ohhhhh look at you having fun on the stairrrs

happy babyyyy ~ 

dancing  towards what you believe to be your death

so glad you changed your punchline at the last minute you didnt deserve to die

SWEET FLAWLESS ANGEL I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

his “oh” when the cops come lmaooooo ~ 

he does that when you grind down hard on him...👀

so used to pain he gets up from being hit by a car and carries on 😔

run baby run...

hes so agile and so quick on his feet

thinks fast too

arthur for fuck’s sake dont you dare stop

you’re almost there, my love.

im so so proud of you

SASSY DANCING ANGELLLL

i love that smug smirk he has and that chuckle omg lmaooooo ~ 

i’d do anything to see you look at me with such pride

ooof you look so angry in the subway but i’d happily cup your face in my hands and smother you in kisses

your eyes red rimmed with tears. youve been sweating and crying ohhhh ~ 

my love omg you didnt want this, you didnt want the riots and you dont know how it spun so outta control and you didnt choose this

i so desperately want to be with you right now

“i dont believe in anything” THATS OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY

I MEAN ITS ALREADY YOURS BUT YOURE STANDING ON IT OUCH

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

“mm-hm” i love that little noise

“i love dr sally” BITCH YOU HAVE A WIFE AT HOMEEEE

“THATS WHAT YOU CALLED ME ON THE SHOW. A JOKER. DO YOU REMEMBER?” THATS SUCH A DANGEROUS LOOK ON HIS PERFECT FACE LMAO MURRAY HAD ONE CHANCE TO CHANGE HIS MIND AND APOLOGISE AND HE DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT LMAO

fuck ‘em, Joker.

You deserve better

GET

THAT

FUCKING

GUN

AWAY

FROM

YOUR 

FACE

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all that pain in his eyes....

oh, darling. how did no one see you????

his backstage dancing got me 💦💦💦

hes so ethereal and mysterious, so free yet so constrained, so beautiful and so himself

i love him i love him i love him i love him

smile playing as he comes out on stage lmao even now hes being told what to do and how to act

hes never free

spinny baby

you spin me right round...

he suits the stage so well

lmao woop sexual assault (kissing dr sally without consent) isnt a good move Joker but damn what a first kiss...

never thought i’d be jealous of an elderly woman but here we are 🤡

he looks so good under the lights omg so crisp....

wanna mess and smear it uuuuup

~

you’re all being mocked and none of you fucking know it lmao get wrecked

memory problems bcof the notebook + “get it right” - he really cares

ohhhhhh baby come on change your punchline, come on....

okay but that drunk driver joke does make me giggle lmao it’s so out there and honestly my sense of humour is just as dark as his is

i just sHIVERED 🥵

“arthur” HE SAID CALL HIM JOKER DONT BE RUDE

ohhhhh i’m cryingggg 😭😭😭😭😭😭

i cant watch this without crying ohhhh all that pain, all that suffering and all that anger, confusion and betrayal. a mental breakdown on nat tv and no one sees him. how the fuck are you all so blind?????

“mur-rray” LMAO YOU FUCK MY NAME I FUCK YOURS

SAY IT JOKER IM SO SO PROUD OF YOUUU

hes speaking facts

“they couldnt carry a tune to save their lives” and that eye roll and groan yes we stan a dramatic CLOWN

this is fucking heartbreaking omg “i dont care about anything” but then he rants in the next minute - so unpredictable and dangerous and untamed but so so pretty in his pain so beautiful and so free

but hes not free... not really

“werewolf” as a verb omg only you could make that work

im so fucking proud of you

“youre awful murray” ooooooooh....

LMAO JOKER’S JOKE BLEW MURRAT’S MIND

hes crying and shaking and no one ??? sees him ???? how????

i legit dont understand how people just dont see him? people see what they wanna see but it’s right there???

he seems almost surprised by the fact he killed him

YES GRAB MY FACE LIKE YOU DID THE CAMERA PLEASE

IN THE WHITE ROOOOOOOOOM

UGH I LOVE THIS SONG SO FUCKING MUCH ITS SUCH A FEEL GOOD SONG

GOTHAM IS SO PRETTY WHEN ITS ON FIRE OMG ITS SO ALIVE

I LOVE THE ENERGY THIS SCENE GIVES OFF

ITS LIKE HOW JOKER HIMSELF MAKES ME FEEL

ALIVE

his little “hi” like they can hear him 🥺🥺🥺🥺

his laughter omggg sweet angelllllll ~ 

“i know. isn’t it beautiful?” YES IT IIIIIS

AND SO ARE YOU

OH NO OMG NO NO NOPEEEE

this scene always scares me even though i know hes okay pffffft 

the birth of joker lmao

be careful with him please hes precious cargo

omggg i wanna sit on that car and wipe his blood away and help him to get home so i can patch him up

lmao im a scaredy cat til my loved ones are threatened then i scare up this fawn bites

i wanna help Joker to get help and support

i wanna love him through it all, the good and the bad

his slow dancing always gets me omg it’s arthur, still there, still suffering, still unseen and unloved

hes crying and hes in pain

blood smile - my inside is on the outside now and it still hurts

he didnt want any of this. he chose his name ubt not what came with it

my poor clown...... 

CRYINGGGGGG AGAIN

HIS GENUINE LAUGHTER SENDS ME OMG ITS SO PRETTY

i wanna make him laugh like that

it always makes me smile omg those cute lil hiccups 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

THATS LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE

i love the audio muted during the scene he sings it omgg it’s so prettyyyy ~ i like to pretend hes singing to me sometimes asdfghjk

metaphorical or literal blood???

hes accepted who he is now.

hes free

dancing in the white light like an angel

i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him i love hiiiiiiiiiim ~ 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

~ THE END ~

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #361

“the world is a vampire, sent to drain”

Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot? A phase? Hunny, they're still hot lmao. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument? Yeah. Juan could play guitar, and Girt played I think the tuba in band. What’s so horrible about wearing leggings like pants? I've actually never understood why people freak about this. Like so long as they're not sheer and fit you fine, why exactly is this a problem...? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself? Oh dear. When someone claims to be suicidal, do you take them seriously? FUCK you if you don't. Honest to god, fuck you. This is NOT something you just don't even blink at. Even if it's surprising to hear from that person, you take that shit seriously and try to talk to them about it. Ever been kicked out of anywhere? Colleen's house. Ever had Skittles vodka? No, but that shit sounds good. Ever punched someone in the face? No. If you haven’t, do you want to now? Uh, I'll pass. Do you truly HATE anyone? No one I know personally, but people like rapists, pedophiles, etc., I sure as hell do hate them. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country? No clue. Favorite flavor for most things? Strawberry, watermelon, or blue raspberry, depending on what the thing is. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with? Yeah: Summer, Jason, and I'm pretty sure Sara and I did? What is the closest book to you? It's a full collection of Poe's poetry that Mom got me. Are you reading it or someone else? I'm not right now. I may eventually. Milkshakes or Sundaes? Hm, I gotta go with milkshakes. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? I'm not a fan of either, but I'd definitely pick watermelons over cherries. Who was the last person you ate with? My family and I went to Ichiban (a Japanese steakhouse that we have here where they cook directly in front of you) yesterday to celebrate Nicole's graduation. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. I hate asparagus. Do you have any bug bites? No. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Loosely, anyway. It's a family I took pictures for, and I still have the mother on Facebook. When you were little, did you ever go to feed the ducks? Yes, I LOVED doing that. Don't feed ducks bread, by the way. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? No. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah. I don't THINK it was too hard. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? No, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. Which was the worst phase in your life? 2016 was. Towards the end of '15 was the breakup, and through aaaaaaall of 2016, I was just dead inside and totally useless. Every day I wanted to be dead. Can you remember your last dream? I had a nightmare some stupid kids were fucking with my snake Venus, so I was trying to protect her. Do you ever use Snapchat? No, I don't have one. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. What happened at the last party you went to? Summer prepared some little Halloween treat bags for us guests, we watched a horror movie, and everyone but me smoked some weed. Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? I would assume everyone is more comfortable lying down... Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yeah, as a kiddo. Favorite kind of cake: Red velvet, yum yum. What is your middle name? Marie. TV shows and anime you watch regularly: None. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Just a big family of pets with a spouse. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Oh boy, I couldn't tell ya. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? YAY!! I've had many, but I don't think I'll get any more. I've just had bad luck with them, save for one that died of cancer at an old age. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yeah. I haven't really written any big RP posts of the late, but I did recently write a poem. Are needles something that you’re afraid of? Okay, so this is super weird. Tattoos and piercings? No problem. Little prick, getting blood drawn, that sorta little stuff, no problem. I am, however, NOT a fan of big needles, which used to not be an issue. It's actually kinda recent, and it's why I'm nervous about my second Covid shot coming up, aha... What was the last unexpected hug you gave/received? I really haven't had an unexpected hug since Jason asked for one before he left my house after our final talk. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been in a parade before? If so, was it on TV? No. Do you have a fear of rollercoasters? If so, were you ever forced to go on one? If you don’t, what is your favorite rollercoaster? I have a big fear of them, yeah. Post a picture of you from a recent time. Don't feel like it. Who was the last person to give you some of their food? Miss Tobey let me try one of her dumplings yesterday when we were at Ichiban for dinner. The last person you met, what was your first impression of them? I actually didn't quite like her. Have you ever been to a football game? Yeah, because my sister was a cheerleader. Do you like the snow or rain better? Snowwww. Have you ever faked sick? Yeah. What is your blood-type? A-. Have you ever eaten a bug? Not knowingly. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Salsa. Mom got these veggie chips at the store and they apparently taste better with salsa, which it did. They weren't great, though. Are you listening to anything at the moment? It's Gab Smolders' turn for me to watch her Resident Evil 8 upload, haha. I'm literally watching three different people (Mark, John Wolfe, and her) play it. Can you take a bra off with one hand? I haven't tried, I think? I doubt I could, given that I'm not exactly small. Do you have an innie or an outie bellybutton? Innie. Can you crack your neck? NOOOOO AND DO NOT DO IT AROUND ME YOURSELF. Are you donating your organs? Yeah; what am I gonna use 'em for? It just seems like a waste otherwise. They're just gonna decay. When was the last time you talked to you mom? Before she left with Tobey to go to the store. Do you like pumpkin pie? NO. I don't like pie, and I hate pumpkin. Do you own your own computer? Yeah. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yeah; growing up, my little sister and I did. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy? I REALLY want a PS4. Did you ever have a night light when you were a kid? Yeah. What TV show had you hooked from the very first episode? Meerkat Manor, 100%. I had to know that Shakespeare was okay. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange or red, can't pick. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? YES! I love that movie. What is the weirdest chant you have ever heard? Uh, idk. How are you feeling? Annoyed and hurt as fuck because shit Miss Tobey says without thinking for a single goddamn second. I'm honestly beyond sick of this woman. Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I don't think so. Doughy or saucy pizza? Doughy. Do you have anything that’s limited edition? Yeah. Do you have an air freshener in your bathroom? If so, what scent? I... think we do? If so though, I just don't notice it. The bathroom doesn't smell like anything in particular. Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? Oh man, I forgot about those! Love 'em. Are you a fan of salads? Yeah, they're fine. I have to be in the mood for one, though. What’s one random thing that you don’t like? Uhhh carrots. What’s one random thing that you like? Shrimp. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NOPE. I'm the absolute worst with it. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I really wanna see Sara, so take me to Illinois. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her birthday the day before mine. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Not anymore, honestly. After Jason, I stopped that "I can't live without you" mindset. Truth is I'm going to lose people through life, and I'm not attaching my ability to happily exist to anyone. Are you wearing a ring? Two. Have your friends ever stopped by your house just to say hi? In the past, yeah. Do you like Chinese food? Not really. I only ever get pork fried rice and eggrolls from Chinese restaurants. Have you done any shopping for something in specific recently? No. Do you still live in your hometown? No. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I don't recall, honestly. I haven't done that in a very long time. Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? A very strange light, yes. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yes to both. Seeing Mom drunk is very, very rare though. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, so I saw him drunk plenty. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason. What restaurant has the best fries? Nowhere has anything on Bojangle's, y'all. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No.

[goldenpinof]

so basically here’s a script of “Basically I’m gay” by Daniel Howell, if someone needs it

link to a google doc

Hello Internet.

«Sex! Secrecy! And a whole lot of internal screaming. Starring Daniel Howell. One of the greatest mysteries of our generation. What is Dan’s sexuality?»

Spoiler alert. I’m not straight. Sex, the foundation of life and the only thing we’re really supposed to do. Everyone’s obsessed with it. You bunch of degenerates. In the list of things that identify a person, one of the most important for other people to know is their sexuality. For, if sex is the primal force propelling all of these humans forward by their hips, they have to know. Are we gonna fuck? Or like could we? Or are you, ‘cause I’m just wondering. Now, we live in a heteronormative world, which is a long scary word that makes people feel attacked for some reason. Shh it’s okay.

What it means is people are presumed to be straight. If you’re not, then at some point, you have to “come out”, which is a whole thing. Or people might just try and guess based on something you do or the way you act, because yay stereotypes. So this is something you have to be clear on, because if you’re not, how are all these other people that aren’t you going to cope? But I’m pretty sure no one that knows me thinks I’m straight. So I don’t really need to come out as much as just clarify what the hell is going on. As here I am at age 27 and my sexual preference is seemingly still a vague, debatable, confusing, impenetrable mystery. But why? And what is it? Well, those are some big questions. Are you sure you wanna know my answers?

[YES]

Okay, well, if you say so 'cause this is a complicated and sensitive issue and when it comes to me, boy, there is a lot to unpack here and it is a total clusterfuck. So strap yourselves in and let me tell you a queer little story about a boy named Dan.

Chapter 1 – The Word

♪ When I was a young boy ♪

♪ My father ♪

Didn’t have much time for me because my conception was clearly an accident and he was a narcissistic proud man suddenly inconvenienced in the prime of his life and this emotional neglect gave me lasting problems.

Sorry that’s not all relevant right now.

I was an only child for seven years and with working parents. This meant I had to make my own fun so I was imaginative  and loud which is something that my teachers used to say quite a lot followed by, “However.” Here I am age five. Look at me. Cute, poised, sassy, turning out this photo shoot like sorry, Grandma, I stunted on this set. Are you seeing this? In almost every way, I literally peaked age five. I loved being the center of attention. People said I had an infectious happiness, that my beaming smile brought them hope and joy. People that know me are laughing right now. But a boy, in the '90s being happy and generally polite acting? Sounds kinda GAY if you ask me. Literally, masculinity was so fragile, people were so proud and scared and society so aggressive that a boy smiling!?.. appearing to be empathetic or in any way emoting was seen as a threat. How dare they laugh and feel comfortable? They must be soft and weak and girly and GAY. So basically thanks, Grandma, for raising me to be a nice child, you dick. Just kidding. That’s a joke and I told you not to watch this video because it would be rude so if you send me a disappointed text telling me you’re offended, I don’t know what to tell you. Although, now I think about it, you did make me go to church for 10 years, which in hindsight probably also didn’t help ♪ Hallelujah ♪ the issue here so. But then it was time for little Dan to go to school and this is when it  

♪ All went wrong ♪

'Cause it turns out most children, evil pieces of shit. Doesn’t matter if you try to raise a happy innocent child, throw that kid into school, aka, a literal Mad Max Battle Royale with the feral offspring of your local community. Yeah, that crap’ll be undone in about two weeks. I was six years old running around the playground pretending to be Sonic the Hedgehog or something when two brothers come up to me aged seven and eight with an unexplained aggressive look in their eye. And the younger one pushes me to the ground, kicks me in the stomach, and just says, “GAY.”

This was the first time I ever heard that word. Well, I don’t know what the heck gay means but apparently it means people kick you on the floor so that ain’t good. I didn’t know this child or give them any cause to have an opinion on me. And, actually, I never directly interacted with them again. What epic clustershit of failed parenting and general culture brought this tiny child to get angry and attack someone, then call them gay for looking like they were having fun outside. Are you okay, 1990s? And so my relationship with sexuality began.

I wasn’t looking to define myself as a child indiscriminately playing doctors and nurses with various friends until once somebody’s mum walked into a room to find three fully naked children sat on a bed sticking sellotape to each other’s butts. Yep, which I don’t recommend. Also, Jesus Christ, the poor woman that saw that. Then you get to the magic age around 10 or 11 where everybody suddenly wants to pretend they’re totally a “cool teenager” who’s doing all the drugs and the sex and the fights, totally. Boy, gay was a really popular word back then.

[[Boy] Uh, homework is gay. [Girl] Uh, my mum’s so gay. [Boy] Uh, you touched a girl, gay.]

This one little shit who I won’t name was one of the school bullies and he loved the word gay. He had it in for me and I have no idea why. You know me, Mr. Winnie the Pooh Meets Slender Man. Well, when I was 10 just Winnie the Pooh. I didn’t do nothin’ to no one ever and yet this guy used my pacifism as a punching bag where any group situation was an excuse to single me out call me gay for some reason and then make everyone else exclude me because they were scared of him. I had a girlfriend. We dated for six whole weeks. We kissed in a game of spin the bottle once by literally sucking on each other’s faces. Then she ended dumping me over speakerphone at a birthday party that everyone in my class but me was invited to but, hey. I don’t know what I was doing wrong, but at this age, I understood one thing. Being gay, whatever that meant, was clearly the worst thing you could be. On a Darwinian level, I was being told, okay bitch, “Survival Code”. Don’t be this apparently. Evolution. Plot twist, this bully I think he was a bit gay because once he asked me to have a sleepover at his house and I thought was me finally getting socially accepted only for him in the middle of the night to come up and ask me, “So who’s going to be the boy and the girl?” I was an innocent smol bean who didn’t really understand what he meant because, to be honest, I didn’t actually understand get how babies were made yet. But needless to say I think he was disappointed. Wow, closeted child turns into homophobic bully. Thanks again society. But this whole primary school journey was really just an amuse-bouche for the full six-course tasting menu of suffering that would be secondary school.

I went to an all-boys school. It was a literal hellscape.  I thought it was hard making it through a school of 200 kids with two or three bullies. Try over a thousand where a clean 800 are fully psychopathic gorillas fueled by testosterone, Red Bull, and Eminem albums. Making sure that the word f- no longer means an innocent bundle of sticks or a cigarette anymore in the British lexicon. Nope, now it was a cool homophobic slur along with gay, gaylord, gayboy, puff, pufter, ponce, batty, batty boy, bum-boy, bender. Shit, this is so long. People have a lot of words for something they don’t wanna think about. Look at me in this stupid blazer. Oh, “you’ll grow into it at some point in the next four years”. Thanks, Mum. Day one, kid in form class, some stupid hedgehog-looking motherfucker side eyes me and says, “What you lookin at, puff?” First interaction at a new school. Great! My entire existence on a daily basis then becomes navigating this school like I’m in the bloody “Maze Runner” trying to avoid aggressive pricks with chode ties. And you know being verbally abused for being a nerd or a Greebo at least felt relevant to me at the time. Greebo, definitely one of my faves there and I’m sure that Korn and Slipknot would have been proud to have 12-year-old me as a fan. I kinda knew who I was in the hierarchy at that point. I was essentially a theater kid who spent all of his free time playing Runescape on the AOL browser on his mum’s PC instead of football. I accepted it. But at least I wasn’t actually this “gay thing” people kept throwing around because by now I understood a gay is a boy who fancies other boys. And to be honest I don’t really feel like I’ve ever fancied anyone before.

Then puberty happened.

Oh yeah, this is fun, tingly feelings, I smell bad. It was quite fun dribbling on this girl’s face playing Truth or Dare, maybe later we’ll go behind that bike sheds and, there I was sat in English class, my friend next to me. I watched as he delicately removes a pencil from its case. We briefly make eye contact as he flutters his long black eyelashes with a blink before staring forward. His eyes are so bright and beautiful yet they seem so sad and deep with emotion. I wish I could just understand. Oh fuck, I think I’m a bit gay. You’re telling me this whole time I actually have been the bad thing that people keep calling me? Shit!

Chapter 2 – Feelings

Oh do you hear it that faint hum, something coming from a deep, dark place too powerful to control? It’s the self-hatred. She is here and she’s only getting started. Short version, I fall hopelessly in love with a friend of mine who doesn’t feel the same way which crushes me into a million tiny pieces and years later actually it turns out he was gay the whole time. He just really specifically didn’t like me. [Double kill.] Here I am, 13, crying to evanescence alone in my bedroom feeling like there’s no point in really being alive as I’m clearly a faulty outcast person that has no place in the world. I stopped going to church with my grandma because I felt like I wasn’t really supposed to be there. Also, by this age, the whole Christianity thing didn’t really make much sense to me. And the adult services were dry AF compared to coloring in a picture of Jesus’s face at Sunday school. So other than the free tea and biscuits they gave away after the sermon, religion didn’t really have much to offer me. Damn, there was some good biscuits though. I miss that. But wait! All is not lost yet. Do you see that? A triumphant, rallying cry of guitars, stripey hoodies, and black hair dye. Emo had arrived! I swear to God, emo is one of the best things that happened to pop culture in the last 20 years. As well as inventing eyeliner and skinny jeans, a new word hit the theater, nerd, goth, band, kid corner that would change my world forever.

Bisexual. You can be normal and gay at the same time and some people think it’s cool? Well, slap a long fingerless glove on my arm and sign me up to Myspace 'cause Mum, I’m bi. It was a good term 'cause it was a catchall for anyone who felt sexually confused or curious that didn’t want to commit to something stronger which is very me. Big commitment issues. Thanks, fam. To be clear, regardless of whatever the 2006 teenagers thoughts and feelings were, being bi is valid and should not be excused away or erased by anyone. Thank you.

From this moment, I was a loud and proud raving bi to my close friends and the strangers on the internet who saw my clearly-labeled sexual preference on my Myspace page. And the emo friends I made at this time were awesome. We just used to hang and make out with each other and listen to music and drink bottles of Smirnoff Ice until we were sick on each other with no judgment. The judgment came several years later looking back at the photos that you can’t delete. So I didn’t need to tell my family or people at school anything. But the thing is with a Myspace page, anyone with an internet connection can read it. And so the rumors started spreading through my neighborhood that Dan Howell was in fact a bisexual. I had a friend in French class who one day, totally unprompted, just turned to me and said, “Hmm, yeah, I thought so. You give off a bi-vibe.” A bi-vi-, what the fuck is a bi-vibe? Great, yeah, nothing to make a 15-year-old feel self-conscious about his behavior like being told he emanates a bisexual aura. What am I supposed to do with that? Sorry that I give off mixed signals. I’m versatile. Turns out it was actually a social upgrade from being called gay all the time 'cause bisexual was a new word that only referred to sexuality so people actually had to decide how they felt about the fact I was attracted to boys. As opposed to gay which as we all understand is synonymous with bad and also implies a general threat, plague, curse/evil force that simply must be destroyed. People at school were actually almost nice to me with curiosity about it and a few of the boys that previously loved to just generically call me gay while throwing a compasses at me or something, now started to low-key flirt with me and some stuff happened. Go figure.

But then I entered the dark ages and no I’m not talking about my hair because I was never actually cool enough to commit to dying it black. As quickly as they arrived into my life, my emo friend group vanished into the night. Like the tip of an eyeliner pencil snapping or the HTML on your intricately-crafted MySpace page falling apart when the host websites of your embedded gifs die, so, too, did my social life. One had to suddenly focus on school, another moved town, two of them just fell out with each other and started hanging out with their old friends again. Well, we don’t all have back up friend groups, Lindsey! I went all in on the emos! You’re telling me I have to go back to sitting in my kitchen playing Runescape now! Thanks a lot. So for a year I literally had no friends. And this is when the bullying at school really stepped its pussy up. The things people used to say offhand to me in a corridor were now said loudly in classrooms where everybody would laugh. People used to sing songs about me being gay on the bus while my fellow nerds sat around me just stared awkwardly out of the window not wanting to get involved. People shouted things out during GCSE exams in front of the whole school and the low key pushing became punches. People used to wait for me after school just to throw things at me. Once a guy put his hand around my throat and pushed my head against a coat peg in the locker room while everyone was watching and just slapped me for five minutes. But I never reacted. I never cried or got angry or fought back 'cause then I’d be giving them what they wanted and I refused to play along. But this way of dealing with things definitely had an impact on my relationship with emotion going into life. I became a total outcast. No one wanted to come near me out of fear that they’d get targeted, too. So no one ever stood up for me. And, you know, I don’t blame them. I just resent them even to this day. No, I’m kidding, I don’t really. I do. No, I don’t. I, hmm. Teachers at the time obviously did nothing. In fact, one of them saw this happening to me and laughed 'cause you know, boys will be boys especially the gay ones that get killed by the other ones, am I right? Ah, classic lad banter. And home. See, keeping this on the topic of sexuality and not economic class, violence, addiction, and health issues, let’s just say some shit was goin’ down. I didn’t think I could ask my family for help or share my feelings about this, mainly due to my dad. Funny guy, kind of a woke hippie who did and said a lot of things I did respect but at the same time used to walk around the house saying how he hoped someone he had a problem with at work would *clears throat* “die of bum cancer.” Yep, so picked the one area to be a bigot that would further traumatize your child. Nice! This experience coming from a childhood hearing the word gay meaninglessly thrown around as an insult at home and school, in music, on TV, to then realizing I am actually kinda gay, to then very specifically being attacked for it was traumatic. The world was clearly telling me if I ever wanted to be accepted by anyone or, in my particular environment, survive, I couldn’t be gay. I was afraid of it, literally homophobic of myself. I am talking Pavlov, sunken place, North Korea-level mind alteration that made me terrified of and repulsed by this part of me. This is called internalized oppression. It’s a real thing and it’s some real shit.

Chapter 3 – Internalized Oppression

From this moment I was no longer advertising myself as bi. No, BRB deleting that Myspace real quick, xD lemme get on that Bebo. “My Chemical Romance”? No, I’m listen to what’s this, N-Dubz? Jesus Christ. I go away for the summer break and come back to school quiet and serious and fully straight. *coughs* I needed me some new friends that were a bit higher up the social ladder, you know what I’m sayin’ for security so I go ahead and join “The Inbetweeners”. Literally this group of friends, the exact middle ground between nerds and desperately wanting to be cool. And oh how desperate we were. The great thing about these friends was they knew loads of girls. So firstly, instant cool points. Secondly, if I date a girl *scoffs* super not gay. The problem with that was it’s not like everyone just forgot everything that’s been said about me and this group of friends, casually homophobic pretty much all the time and also they hung out in places near some even more aggressive and super homophobic peeps. Just full-time Runescape would have been a better in hindsight. I find myself going through the same shit at school but now voluntarily going through it at the weekends from the people that are supposed to be my friends thinking I’m doing the right thing whilst constantly telling myself I’m now totally heterosexual. So I did what many people choose to do at that point and I got a girlfriend. But this is pretty messed up because I really liked this girl. In fact, I loved her as a friend and I was genuinely attracted to her but I was so afraid of sexuality I didn’t even wanna do anything straight in case I had some weird gay panic that I was totally frigid and I led her on. And when she got pissed at me, understandably, for being a terrible boyfriend, I just felt even worse. This was someone who I liked that I was hurting and lying to but I couldn’t leave as then I’d have no armor. Beautiful irony here is having a girlfriend didn’t in any way stop the abuse 'cause remember, gay is a great all-purpose general insult. (Call someone gay today and we’ll throw in a free set of steak knives.) And when these neighborhood teens started heavy drinking and getting into drugs, things suddenly got quite scary as people joked about setting fire to a tent as I slept in it at Reading Festival. Or saying, “You know that notoriously unstable guy? Yeah, he said he’s gonna kill you next Saturday.” Awkward.

This was definitely the lowest point in my life. I just felt totally alone, confused and I deeply hated myself. I used to ask God, in case he was there, to please, just make me straight and everyone stop. But I saw no end, no escape, no way to change the world or who I was. So one evening I thought fuck it and I attempted suicide.

I say attempted, because just before it was too late I thought

“oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit what have i done what have i done fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck?”

“what will your grandma think don’t do this to her she tried her best and she loves you”

“your family aren’t total dicks and this will fuck them up can’t you just get over it surely”

“you’re gonna get to the last year of school and give up now really what was the point”

“I heard this is one of the most painful ways to die so not a great choice if I’m being blunt”

Felt kinda bad for a few days otherwise I pretended it never happened and I didn’t tell anyone, until now, literally. Hmm, I know pretty dark right, but hey spoiler things kinda worked out. I mean still gotta lot of issues but here I am. I’m so glad I failed for so many reasons, for the people in my life, for the future I would’ve wasted. The most important being that I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that’s it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we’ve dreamed of. I want anyone that’s ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side. So yeah school age 6 to 18, I’m gonna give that a bad Google review. The thing is I did stand out. I’ve always been a loudmouth, class clown, annoying shit. Since graduating, it turns out half the people I knew were fuckin’ gay. That group of friends I had, all lovely people now. Five of them were gay, five gays! That is statistically irregular. Oh but they flew under the radar. All I’m saying is I wish people just hated me for being annoying and immature. Leave the gays alone!

My light at the end of the tunnel was university. I was gonna get my A levels move to a new town and ghost these bitches. But I took a gap year first to earn some money which was very boring sitting at home and working at ASDA where I was not happy to help. My shift started at 5 a.m. on a Saturday. Signed up for a Twitter account to run my mouth off and then bam. “So my name is [Dan].” My YouTube story begins, a new chapter of my life to redefine. So you know what I do? Get a Formspring because nothing gives you that attention feeling like one of those anonymous question and answer websites that are inherently toxic and no one should use. And straight out of the bat bisexual Dan returns. 'Cause hey, just like Myspace, I’m only telling a few people on the internet right now. It’s not like one day I’m gonna get so many followers that random strangers and my family might see it. Wow, I had a lot fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. Let’s just say I got a lot out of my system. Got a couple of things in my system, too. Sorry.

And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And the relationship we formed at that point was something that I needed in my life. We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates, not that souls are a real thing that exist. It’s so lucky to just find someone you can be that compatible with and especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference. And I bet so many people wanna know so much more about that which, honestly, I take as a compliment. But here’s the thing. I’m somebody that wants to keep the details of my personal life private. So is Phil. I know lots of people these days, thanks to social media, want to share and monetize every aspect of their life and then as soon as something changes suddenly it’s this huge drama because everybody got invested in the story of your life like it’s a soap opera. I don’t want that. I wanna do certain things without an audience. I wanna be spontaneous. I don’t wanna feel afraid to take risks. I want to enjoy totally fucking something up and not have to post a statement about it. And if anyone thinks people really have to share these things about their life, you need to rethink your position. And look, I understand that sex is a fun and interesting thing to talk about. I get it. I am also a disgusting pervert. But the specific minutiae of who I be fuckin’, when, why, where, how long, how, uhh, I mean? Sexuality is a general fact that it can be very useful to know about a person for several reasons, but we can’t force people to disclose that either. We don’t know this person’s life story, what they’ve been through, if they haven’t told people, if they’ll lose their job, if they’re in danger. There are so many reasons someone might not be open about it. We can preach the message that being out is good, but aggressively speculating or trying to out someone is really bad. They might not be gay, in which case we’re just harassing someone and probably stereotyping. And if they are there’s gonna be a reason why they haven’t talked about it. So I don’t wanna see any responses to me finally talking about this like no one is surprised. “Dan we been knew.” Wow, you huge galaxy brain genius. What’s it like walking around with all those brain cells in there working overtime? What, you got like three in there? Don’t lose your balance, mastermind. I haven’t exactly been subtle have I? I’m an awkward, sexually ambiguous nerd. “What the fuck even is your sexuality?” That’s not the point. I’m already dead inside so it doesn’t matter here, but to me if someone’s reaction to a person coming out is just, “yeah, I knew”, they’re showing no empathy towards the issue or that person. They’re just making it about themselves like it was a fun piece of gossip they already knew. All we have to do is listen and be accepting.

So anyway back to the tale. Whilst things were looking up for Dan aged 18, things quickly got messy again. Wow, that beats the emo streak of temporary self-acceptance by like six months, nice. There was a point around 2011 where the relationship with my audience shifted from what felt like direct communication between me and individuals that just saw me as a comedy creator to communities of people that formed to talk about me when I wasn’t there. Which is fine, but for some people it was about getting generally invested in me and my real life which I thought was a bit strange 'cause inevitably like anyone who puts themself out there, some people started to really dig into my private life to find out information about me that I wasn’t ready to share. And this was around the same time that YouTubers finally started to get mainstream recognition in the British press. We had the BBC knocking at our door trying to offer Dan and Phil a radio show. From that, Dan and Phil became this entertainment duo that we could have a creative career with. And we love working together, so when all these opportunities came for Dan and Phil, we were really excited but I was also scared as people clearly knew I wasn’t straight and I hadn’t told my family that. None of my old friends knew about this, and what me and Phil had was ours and personal and yet some people were trying to get access to it for their own satisfaction. It was no longer a few people on the internet, no big deal. So I just shut down. It felt like I was back at school again, surrounded by threatening people trying to expose me for their entertainment. Most I’m sure just wanted what was best for me and I feel such genuine sadness and am sorry that I couldn’t be closer to and more truthful with the people in my life that were just trying to be nice but I wasn’t ready to deal with it at this time so I had to do something to contain it. I definitely sent some mixed messages. Some were just joking around, others were super defensive that in my panic came across like “I’m now telling everyone I’m totally straight” when all I really meant was “please fuck off and don’t invade my privacy, you creepy stalkers, thank you”. But this experience seriously triggered some PTSD in me and I was back in the dark place. I didn’t want to just disappear from the internet to escape it and throw away this creative hobby that actually started paying rent. Thanks. So I just decided to put anything to do with my sexuality in a box to come back to later as I was still processing my past and I wanted to understand my identity on my own terms and timeline and not just have it hijacked as fuel for people’s sexual fantasies or some headline in an article. And whilst we’re not exactly living in a utopia yet here on YouTube, the general internet culture only five or six years ago was a much less wholesome, progressive place as this little bubble is now. Sure, a lot of people probably would have been supportive, but there was just as much open bigotry and general toxicity 'cause people felt less accountable and it was okay to say certain things 'cause it’s just on the internet and I couldn’t handle that at the time. And, generally, I can handle a lot. I have big hands with a very wide reach for playing piano, you fucking.. get your mind out of the gutter. We can’t ask people to just put their lives on hold to address their sexuality first. If a kid dreams of being a footballer and age 18 gets signed to a club and all their dreams come true but they’re scared to come out because of the insane homophobia in that community, they shouldn’t turn it down. Yes, it’s so important to be truthful about who you are and open and proud in front of the world but it’s our society’s fault that these people are scared to say who they are. So let’s all focus on making it a welcoming place and people will come out when they are ready. So when was I ready? Well, it’s always been on my mind that I need to talk about this at some point. I couldn’t just keep going forward in my life ignoring it, not only just so I can be authentic, which is very important for general existing, but also just letting people know what kind of sexual attention I want from the world. All of it from everyone. God I’m so thirsty. And if anything motivated me, it’s the idea that I can help someone else 'cause that’s basically my whole career, isn’t it, admitting to shit that I’ve been through so you will feel better about yourselves. There we go, you’re welcome. I have a platform and a following of millions of people, many of whom I know have been through exactly what I have. And if I tell my story as painful and flip floppy and flawed as it is, I know it will mean something to someone as every time someone speaks openly about sexuality, it saves lives. I’d never met a single out gay person until I was 18. And if I had, or even just seen better representation in the media, I wouldn’t have felt so totally alone. I wouldn’t even be saying this to you now if it wasn’t for TV shows, musicians, and public figures in the last couple years reinforcing this to me. It doesn’t matter if I was living the life privately as there was still so much confusion about my feelings and fear. But things are better now, on the internet, on TV, in my real life. It’s not perfect but it feels safe enough in this space right now for me to feel confident. So thank you, sincerely, to all the brave people that came before me and to any of you that made this world seem welcoming for me. And instead of procrastinating from this by focusing on work, which was a way for me to insure my own independence and survival in case I was rejected, or just doing things for other people to take my mind off it instead of asserting my own needs, which my therapist keeps telling me is one of my biggest problems. Here I am with a fresh void of time in front of me to fuck up however I want. Now look, we all have different experiences in life. Some of us are lucky, some of us not. It just so happened that the first 18 years of my life were horrendously shit. It failed me. But we get dealt cards from the start, too. If you look at my life, I was born into this world as an able-bodied, white, cis-man in Britain which immediately gives me so much privilege in this current world and I am fully aware of how much harder making it to today could have been for me, which is why we all need to stand up for equality and social justice even if it doesn’t apply to us. No one stood up for me when it mattered the most and that almost cost me everything. So if you see a woman being harassed, a gay being threatened, someone muttering something racist, say something, do something because if you’re still or silent, the victim will just think that you are against them, too. We all have a responsibility.

This tale was just some of the stuff relating to sexuality. We all have a whole sob story if we wanna tell it but I just wanted to explain the journey of how I got to this point and overcame the obstacles that tried to block this path. And now I’ve arrived.

Chapter 4 – Labels

Okay cool story, bro, it’s answer time. What’s your answer. Whaddayalikedafuk? Here’s the thing, you want me to talk candidly about sexuality as if it’s something that I understand? I don’t know what it is, why it is. Turns out no one knows. I’ve been sitting here for years waiting for scientists to just work it out like bleep bloop. [Oh this is why and exactly how it’s different for people. There we go.] Thinking I shouldn’t run off my mouth on the internet in case my theories and opinions on varying gayness get debunked next week. Well, I waited long enough and it didn’t happen. Science, ya fucked up, you let me down. And I fully expect to have to delete this video in two weeks when you find out all the answers suddenly. Thanks a bunch. What makes someone gay or straight or all the things in between? What the ever loving fuck is gender about? This is a mess. Yet people want you to give them a word because that’s how humans communicate with words that have meanings. Which is why our disgusting species is impatient, stupid, and obsessed with labels. And this applies to everything, sexuality, gender, political identity, what obscure genre of synthwave you listen to. People just want a label that represents something they understand so they already know how to feel about you and don’t have to bother thinking. [Oh you’re a feminist well I don’t need to know anything more. Oh you’re a leftist. Oh you’re a K-pop fan but but but but.] If people just want to find a way to disagree with you or dislike you, they can refer to the label and turn off their brains. Hey, what does my label say? Huh. The issue is, especially when we start talking about the writhing mass of confusion and suffering that is sexual and gender identity, the limits of language and specific terminology become a big problem. What does being gay mean? You never thought about a boob once? What does being a man mean? You wanna be an emotionless rock rubbing raw steaks against your biceps? It’s not like humanity is all in agreement right now. I don’t like the stereotypes and drama that come with all this terminology so I’m just not gonna use it. Thing is gender identity isn’t my issue. I feel comfortable with the identity that I’ve had my whole life. Dan, a tol boy from England. But being a man means nothing to me. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable wearing makeup or a sickening pair of heels, though I can’t even draw in a straight line so that would be a disaster. Also is anyone really comfortable wearing heels? Hmm. Icons of masculinity aren’t really a big part of my life. Might as well call me a fucking formless blob that sounds more relatable. Shout out to all my formless blobs out there, rise up. I don’t have to do anything or be anything and I personally wouldn’t feel offended if I wasn’t referred to as a he. Well, she’s feeling hungry today. Stop fucking judging me, Susan. I’m sad and I’m gonna eat this whole damn cake whether you like it or not. But anyone that has this don’t really care attitude about their gender identity is in a way privileged 'cause some people, especially trans, care a lot about their gender identity and using the correct pronouns which other people should respect. Likewise with sexuality, whilst to me the endlessly increasing list of tribes and flags being flown is a bit daunting and confusing and personally stresses me out 'cause I almost find it constrictive, some people like it. Because if you’re feelings are confusing and then you look at a word that represents something and go, “wow, that me”, it can help you realize you’re valid and find a community and that’s great. There is so much controversy around this issue and others but if we all just calm down, respect each other’s experiences and try to just be nice, reasonable people, which is a lot to ask, let’s be real, it’s quite simple. If you wanna use language to express your honest feelings and identity, that’s great and other people should respect what you say. Likewise, if you hate labels and you just wanna be a formless blob, that’s fine, too. No one should force you. The only thing that isn’t cool is telling other people what they should or should not identify as 'cause that ain’t your problem or your business, bye. This was one of the things that held me back from talking about this for years. Shit’s confusing, man. Let’s just go back to cellular reproduction by mitosis so I don’t really have to be specific. Two people that I really look up to and respect, Harry Styles and Janelle Monae, both famously say that they don’t feel the need to label it which, to be honest, is how I feel and is perfectly okay. But I get it, for me, you want a word. Oh, that’s hard, though. I’m an annoying guy. I feel uncertain specifying my sexuality in the same way I wouldn’t say I am an atheist. Who the fuck am I to say whether God does or doesn’t exist? I don’t know shit 'bout shit and neither does anyone else. I mean I think it’s unlikely in the same way I know I like DICK. But I’m not gonna pretend to have a definite answer here. Looking at my public statements is inconsistent and confusing. Looking at my personal track record through life is super confusing. And looking at the void inside my soul threatening to crush the entire universe with the force of its event horizon of misery and melodrama, well, fuck let’s close that shit up. One thing’s for sure whatever heterosexual is, I ain’t it. Really if you ask me, I don’t think anyone’s totally straight. I think there’s a lot of social and emotional issues getting in the way of yet to be understood feelings of attraction that can be very flexible. And trust me, I’ve known a lot of straight guys until a couple of drinks, some deep conversation, and lingering eye contact, and suddenly they just start leaning in. What does that make them? And am I totally gay? No. Am I slightly more gay or is it just easier for gays to hook up with each other because of societal norms. It’s not like the signs for male and female bathrooms are what I’m attracted to. I don’t care what flesh organ you have between your legs, what your hair’s like, if you’re covered in it or a fuckin’ beluga whale. I’m gonna be honest, I’m not picky. I’m easy. So am I bi or pan or poly? Well, now we’re just in a clusterfuck of defining language and I’m confused and sad and horny. This is why I personally love the word queer. I understand that some people don’t as it is a slur but as someone that’s been the target of it several times throughout my life I’m up for some reclamation. It’s like recycling. The definition makes sense because until society is equal with all sexual and gender identifies, it is literally strange from a conventional viewpoint plus it’s better than a super long acronym, it’s inclusive of everyone and therefore great for formless blobs. There we go, an identity I feel comfortable with. A highly-strung, depressed queer praying for a giant meteor to hurry up and finally eradicate humanity. LMAO, yeet!

But to come full circle, I know that even today, deep in my heart the word gay scares me because that’s how I’ve been conditioned my whole life. So, you know what? Fuck the literal definition and the scientific definition and what everyone thinks. I finally have to just confront and accept this.

I’m gay.

Oh look, didn’t spontaneously fucking combust. Well, there we go, that was a lot of stress about nothing, wasn’t it? Bloody hell. So yup, I’m here, I’m queer, and don’t worry I’m still filled with existential fear.

WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER WE’RE FILLED WITH EXISTENTIAL FEAR.

Chapter 5 – Fear

Even though I’m at this current place, there is still so much I’m afraid of and this has taken months to make because of that. Telling my family was a big fear. I have problems connecting with them emotionally because reasons. So I only came out to them this month and if it didn’t go well, as I’m now the independent adult that I fought so hard to be, I was ready to cut them off like the bottom of a sweater turning into a seasonal crop. But I didn’t have to, love you. I didn’t think they’d reject me these days but coming out is still a surprise. It changes things. And I’m a pretty awkward person generally but the idea of just dropping this in conversation in front of them all terrified me. And I tried several times this year to do it but I just couldn’t. So you know how I finally came out to my family? E-mail. Yep, I literally just sent them an e-mail saying and I quote,

“Hello gang. I’ve been meaning to talk to you all for a while, something quite important that should be disclosed at some point. I thought I would around Christmas, then Mum’s birthday, then last Easter Sunday, etc., but every time I meant to, I either felt like I would ruin the mood of the day or I just felt awkward and didn’t want to. So I decided just to email you all instead which is really inappropriate and just weird but that somehow seems appropriate for me and at least I’ll just finally say it.

Basically I’m gay.”

Yup. It was just getting ridiculous so I thought screw it and hey, it worked. Turns out my remaining family, pretty chill bunch of people. Even my Christian grandma said this,

“We love you for being you. It must be a great relief to finally acknowledge who you are. Popsie and I just want you to be happy. People are born as they are and have no say in it. I hope that now you will feel free to live your life as you want with no pretense.”

Aw.

“Don’t forget the iPad.”

Yes, I said I’d give her my old iPad. She mainly cares about that I thing. Wasn’t so sure when I was 17 but it went well now and I know that makes me lucky but, hey, it shows that times change. As for the other people in my life, obviously all the friends I have now are cool. If anyone in my life I’ve ever known isn’t cool with it then I don’t care. And sure here online there might be a few incredibly lost bigots following me or just some classic trolls who I think should get fucked. No, like literally, I think you should try it. You’ll probably enjoy it and you might learn something about yourself. Inevitably some of you watching this might have a weird reaction if you just feel like it was a shock or you feel hurt that I kept it from you. But I feel like I explained myself reasonably here and going forward I can’t have any space for that, sorry. I’ve come to terms with who I am and now you have to, too, ha. Funnily enough straight up homophobia is probably the one thing I’m not that afraid of, because I just don’t agree so it doesn’t hold much emotional power over me but you bet I’m opening myself up to all new kinds of in real life and international discrimination now which is fun. But one of the other big fears holding me back was, honestly, that I wouldn’t be accepted by the community. I know that it’s a big pride flag covering a lot of ground and even the idea of it and certainly most of it is amazing. But there is a lot of drama within it right now especially on the internet. You’ve got Grindr gays arguing about how manly gays should be, bi’s getting ignored, trans people, especially of color, not being historically appreciated, acephobia, fucking SWERFs and TERFs. No thank you. So even though they are my people, I know some of them will have problems with something. And even then, just seeing such a loud and proud, strong and opinionated group of people celebrating something just intimidates a smol introvert such as myself. And in my mind if these people don’t accept me because I’m not being definitive enough or I took too long then I almost feel like I’ll be alone all over again, and this is a fear that a lot of people have honestly. But I’m a nice guy and I’m trying my best so you better be welcoming, you bunch of fuckin’ queers. And obviously with the topic of sexuality, it doesn’t matter where we are or how far you think we’ve come, by merely mentioning it, I will be opening up a primordial box of bullshit which will include every single stupid argument and question since the dawn of time. [It’s not natural.] There’s gay animals. [Adam and Steve.] That’s based on a story and the protagonist that arrives later probably doesn’t agree with you. [Why can’t we have straight pride?] I could spend 10 hours on all the classic crap and people would still be asking the same things. This being posted on the internet, my hopes are so incredibly low, lower than my self-esteem.  Wow, that is unhealthy. I need to stop doing that. This video is about internalized oppression and the problems of language. I’m not here to pontificate on every topic tangentially related to the entire concept of gayness. *ASMR voice*: Pontificate on every topic tangentially related to the concept of gayness.  

There’s other humans and all the time in the world left for that. The time in the world coincidentally being not much longer. Climate change LMAO. But I had to tell my story so people would understand me and these things. Why coming out is still a big deal because queer people are often invisible and suffering until they have to do it. Some people grow up in supportive environments and it’s a positive experience. But more likely, especially around the world outside of the big cities, it isn’t. This is not a fight that is anywhere near over. Even in Britain today people are debating whether children should be taught to be accepting of sexual and gender identity in school.

Queer people exist. Choosing not to accept them is not an option.

To anyone watching this that isn’t out, it’s okay. You’re okay. You were born this way, it’s right, and anyone that has a problem with it is wrong. Based on your circumstance, you might not feel ready to tell people yet or that it’s safe and that’s fine, too. Just know that living your truth, with pride, is the way to be happy. You are valid. It gets so much better. And the future is clear. It’s pretty queer.

So there we go. Now I can proceed authentically in my life with full disclosure. Cute mutuals know to slide into the DMs. And you can all fuck off and leave me alone.

Bye.

[vannahfanfics]

Live Like You Were Dying

Category: Friendship Fluff

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Characters: Oboro Shirakumo, Shota Aizawa, Hizashi Yamada, Nemuri Kayama

Oboro scrunched up his face happily as he sipped at his juice box, enjoying the sweet taste of apple juice bursting on his tongue. It was the perfect thing to wash down the rice and beef he’d just inhaled for lunch. He popped his lips off the straw with a satiated hum, wobbling his head in tandem with clicking his heels. His shoes scraped against the concrete roof— a sound grating enough to awaken the napping boy beside him. 

“You’re awfully chipper ,” Shota grunted from within the confines of his yellow sleeping bag. Before Oboro could answer, Hizashi perked up from Shota’s other side, emerald eyes gleaming behind his shades. 

“Why not be? It’s a beaaaaaaautiful day!” As Hizashi stretched out the word with a delighted trill, Shota scowled dourly and burrowed further into his sleeping bag. The plastic-like fabric crinkled with each of his irritated movements. Hizashi only laughed good-naturedly as the boy zipped up the sleeping bag from the inside, clearly displaying his opinion on the “beaaaaaaautiful day.” 

Unlike his grumpy compatriot, Oboro was very inclined to agree that the weather was dandy indeed. He basked in the warm sun streaming down from the cloudless sky above, rolling his shoulders as it heated the fabric of his school uniform. Birdsong drifted up from the trees and bushes flanking the school building, and occasionally the breeze rustled the leaves, filling the air with a pleasant symphony. Oboro could never understand how Shota could snooze away such a balmy afternoon, but sure enough, his snores joined the melody wafting over the rooftop. 

The snores turned into a startled “snooork?!” as the door to the roof violently flung open. The metallic clang resounded through the air, prompting Shota to open the sleeping bag up part of the way to glare out. Nemuri came flouncing over, skirt swishing around her supple thighs with every sashay of her hips. A confident smirk decorated his lipstick-coated lips as she struck a saucy pose before them. 

“Hey, boys <3” 

Shota grunted disinterestedly and tunneled back into the depths of his sleeping bag. Nemuri’s millionaire smile vanished into a surly pout. She turned to Oboro expectantly, who did not disappoint. 

“Hey, Nemuri. What’s up?” 

“I am glad you asked!” Nemuri beamed, the white flash of her teeth returning with vigor. She flipped her midnight-blue hair over her shoulder as her eyes grew lidded with paramountcy. “I want to formally invite you all to attend a meteor shower viewing this evening.” 

“Pass,” came the dispassionate groan from the sleeping bag. Scowling, Hizashi whapped the shiny yellow surface. Shota popped his head out with an indignant glower, to which the blond just raised his eyebrows admonishingly. Shota’s eyes slowly drifted to Nemuri, who had put on her best pleading expression. She even batted her eyes and pressed the tip of her index finger to her slightly parted lip in a look of pure demure. 

“Please, Sho~?” 

“Come on, Shota!” Oboro pressed. He tucked his legs criss-cross and gripped his shins, beaming brightly at his friend. “It’ll be fun. What else do you have to do— sleep?” 

Shota gave him a look saying that was exactly what he had in mind for the evening. However, he silently deliberated Nemuri’s invitation and finally released a long sigh of relent. 

“Fine.” 

“Yay!” Nemuri squealed, throwing her hands into the air excitedly. Hizashi and Nemuri soon became involved in an avid conversation about meteor showers’ romantic aspects, with Shota grumbling within his sleeping bag over his soured nap. Oboro resumed sipping at his apple juice, blue eyes beholding the azure sky and envisioning it instead as an inky black canvas studded with glittering stars. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Oboro released a small “hup!” as he hopped down from his cloud. Nemuri had decided that the school roof was the optimal place to view the meteor shower, so he had used his Quirk to float them over the chain-link fence that ringed the area. As his feet met the solid ground, he turned to offer a hand to Nemuri, who flashed him a sultry smile. 

“Oh, what a gentleman,” she cooed lasciviously. Much used to Nemuri’s flirtations, he only winked at her and helped her slip down from the fluffy cloud. Shota and Hizashi dropped down on either side of her, blinking to adjust to the gloom shrouding them. The light from the nearby lampposts only dimly illuminated the rooftop, casting them in grey shadow. 

Nemuri skipped over to their favorite roosting spot, untying her jacket from around her waist to drape it over the concrete before primly sitting down. Shota shambled over to slide down the wall, legs stuck out and his hands buried into his hoodie pockets. Hizashi opted to stand, leaning against the wall with an earbud stuck in his ear; Oboro could hear the muted tones of his rock music emanating from the one dangling down by his collarbone. Oboro squatted down near the chain-link fence, head craned to behold the indigo-black sky gleaming brilliantly above the campus. 

The stars twinkled like diamonds, splashed across the sky like a thick streak of white paint. A few wisps of gray clouds drifted lazily like canoes across a mirror-smooth lake. In a stroke of luck, the meteor shower fell on the night of the new moon. Thus, the stars were relegated to a solo performance— and they didn’t fall short, bathing the world in a soft white glow. However, they didn’t have to perform alone for very long. 

“There it is!” Oboro gasped as a single streak of light slashed across the sky. It looked like someone scored a pencil across the heavens, etching it into white radiance. After the first once fizzled into nothingness, the sky illuminated with several more, and within seconds, dozens of meteors were raining to earth. The small meteors gave their last breath as they burned away in the atmosphere, crying their death in a burst of luminescence. 

Oboro found it both captivating and haunting. As he watched the meteors shoot across the sky, he marveled at how easily something could just blip out of existence. A flash of light, one final chance to make your imprint on the earth, and then— nothing. You fade into oblivion, a passing memory slowly dwindling with time. 

How sobering. 

He peered over his shoulder to his three friends. Nemuri’s sky blue eyes reflected the showering lights, making them twinkle like galaxies of their own; her face was drawn in reverence that he’d never seen before as she beheld the natural phenomena. Shota suppressed his awe better, but Oboro could see his appreciation by the way his jaw set and the gleam in his eyes. Hizashi was even stunned into silence, a thoughtful look on his face and one hand still held up from where he had taken out his other earbud. 

Oboro could tell just by the atmosphere that an intense rumination had pervaded their usually animated group. Maybe they were all thinking the same thing, or perhaps they were all thinking different things. Oboro wasn’t a mind-reader. Nor did it matter— some things were better left unspoken. 

He didn’t want to fade into nothingness like those meteors. Sure, he hoped he’d live a long, fulfilling life— but sometimes things don’t work out how you think it will. If the worst became him, he didn’t want to fade into obscurity, relegating to the dark parts of his friends’ minds that they only looked upon in melancholy. 

Luckily, oddly-beget optimism was Oboro’s specialty. 

“Let’s make a wish!” he grinned suddenly. His friends jerked, startled out of their quiet contemplation by his loud cry. Nemuri’s eyes fluttered as she regarded him curiously, and then she smiled broadly. 

“Oh, what a nice idea! Me first, me first!” she cried, holding out her hand as if flagging down a teacher. She cleared her throat professionally before declaring purposefully, “I want to dominate the hero world with my ultimate sexy style! I will bring both men and women on their knees before me! Mwahahaha!” 

Shota looked like he wanted to die. Hizashi appeared elated, and Oboro gave Nemuri a smile somewhere between supportive and concerned. 

“That’s… a nice way to put it, Nemuri,” the blue-haired boy offered placatingly. Nemuri seemed quite pleased with herself, tucking her chin into the webbing between her thumb and forefinger. “What about you, ‘Zashi?” 

“I wanna bring my tunes to the whole world, baby! Spread the love through the power of music, yeeaaaaaah!” he crowed, striking a flashy pose. He yelped when Shota punched him in the calf, making his leg buckle a bit. “Oww! Whydja do that, huh?” 

“You’re too loud. You’ll get us caught; we’re not supposed to be up here,” Shota sniffed matter-of-factly. Hizashi stuck out his tongue mockingly before peevishly crossing his arms. When Nemuri prompted him, his eyes widened slightly, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “A good nap would be nice.” 

“Be serious, Shota!” Hizashi whined. The grouchy boy huffed and tipped his head to the side to give his wish some actual thought. 

“I guess becoming an underground hero would be nice,” he shrugged after a moment. 

“Now that’s more like it!” Hizashi praised with a pump of his fist. Oboro smirked at the teeny little smile that appeared on Shota’s lips. “All right, Oboro? What do you wish for?” 

Oboro smiled, looking back up at the splendorous display illuminating the heavens above. 

“Me? Well… I just wish that we all remember times like this forever.” 

A silence descended between them. When Oboro looked back over his shoulder, they were all gawking at him. 

“Whoa, dude. That’s heavy,” Hizashi whistled. Oboro laughed and threaded his fingers through his cotton candy-blue hair, feeling a little self-conscious at how surprised they were. He blushed a little and gave them a sheepish smile. 

“What? A guy can’t get a little sentimental every now and then?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood he’d inadvertently heavied. He smiled lopsidedly, scratching his cheek. “I was just thinking…. You never know which day is your last, right? We gotta make the most out of life, ya know?” 

“Hmm… I see what you mean,” Nemuri hummed appraisingly. Oboro relaxed, glad the heat was off him a little. He glanced up at the sky; the meteor shower was dwindling, fewer streaks lighting the sky with each passing second. “Yeah,” Nemuri said brightly after a second. “A wish to live every day to its fullest… I love it!” 

“Me too, me too!” Hizashi agreed energetically and punched the air a few times. 

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Shota shrugged with a wry smirk. Oboro preened a little, his smile widening as he watched the last of the falling meteors proclaim their final moments to all those watching. 

Oboro made a promise that night to live like those meteors— screaming his presence to the world for as long as he was there, imprinting his being on all those who would listen, and bring joy and smiles to as many people as he could. If he lived like that, enjoying each and every day, then maybe even if the worst befell him, he would leave some kind of mark in people’s memories. 

Live like you were dying, and then, could you really have any regrets?

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

[buckyscrystalqueen]

The Difference: Part 4

Pairings: Mark Sheppard x Reader

Warnings: None??? Swearing must likely…

Word Count: 3,600

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You did every single thing you could to keep Mark as far away from your extended family for as long as you could, but before you knew it, it was Halloween night and time for the boys’ second birthday. And since you had been dating for ten months, you couldn’t really come up with excuses on why he couldn’t make family functions any more. You simply had to bite the bullet and throw him to the wolves. And it wasn’t like you didn’t want him there in the first place, you just didn’t want your family to scare him off.

“Kitten, if the boys and their screaming haven’t scared me off by now, I highly doubt your family will.”

“You don’t understand.” You sighed as you wrestled Evan into his Iron Man costume. “They are all crazy.”

“So nothing like you.” You looked up at him in his Hawkeye costume with a death glare and he blew you a kiss as he put Captain America Theo in the ‘Quinjet’, which was a four person wagon that you had decorated for your four Avengers.

“Listen here.” You laughed as you got up and grabbed Thor Luca as he toddled by. “You don’t know crazy.”

“Where’s the Hulk?” You paused and looked around your bedroom with your brow furrowed as you finished buckling Luca into his spot.

“Thomas… You wanna go see Lilly?” Your eyes stopped on the closet where there was a loud bang a moment before your youngest did a slightly awkward flip out of the space and practically scrambled to get to the cart to see his favorite cousin. “Yea, that’s what I thought.”

“Alright, Widow. Are we ready to go?”

“You double checked the bags?”

“I double checked the bags.” He said as he stood up and turned off the light in the front half of the room. “Lets go, munchkins. Time to party.” With one final glance around to make sure you had everything you had set out for the birthday party and for trick or treating, and headed out the back door to walk a whole block over and half a block down to your Aunt Selene’s house.

“We’re here!” You called out as you pushed open the side gate to her back yard. Your family all yelled hello and almost instantly started to swarm over to finally meet Mark. “Wait, wait, wait.” You said quickly as you held your hand up. “One at a time.” Your uncles, who understood boundaries, helped keep their respective kids back, while your aunts simply ignored you and continued coming toward you.

“Oh, he is cute.” Your Aunt Serena cooed in Italian as she squeezed your arm. “Good job.”

“He doesn’t look like a lawyer.” Aunt Alessia commented with a small shake of her head.

“He has to nice of face.” Aunt Caterina chimed in.

“He doesn’t speak Italian.” You pointed out as you handed Thomas to your Aunt Mia.

“You have a nice face!” Aunt Sofia practically shouted in English from the back of the group of women.

“Oh! Thank you.”

“OK, move aside.” Your mother barked as she squeezed through the group to come to your aid. “Where are my birthday babies?”

“He’s not deaf.” Aunt Viola joked in Italian as she whacked her younger sister in the arm.

“And he still doesn’t speak Italian.” You repeated as you picked up the small bag of birthday gifts you had bought your sons to put them on the table with the rest. You glanced over at Mark as he held Evan’s hand and followed Luca toward the swing set where your sister and her four year old daughters, Lilly and Chloe were playing with some of your second cousins.

“Look who finally decided to show up.” Your cousin, Natasha, who was Selene’s second oldest of six girls, teased as she sat by one of the many tables, nursing her four month old, Nikolai, who you hadn’t gotten to meet yet.

“You have four kids at once and try to get anywhere on time. Is this my newest nephew?”

“Yea, who keeps me up all night long.” She sighed.

“As someone who… I guess ‘got lucky’.” Mark teased as he came over, and parked the wagon on the side of the porch. “I can say that it does get better…”

“Oh, do NOT listen to him!” You laughed as you pushed your boyfriend’s arm. “He could sleep through a hurricane, and then a tornado without even slipping out of his dream. I have to hit him with a pillow and then pretend to be asleep when I want him to be the one to see what son is crying.”

“You hit me with pillows?” Mark asked as Natasha, and a few of your other family members laughed.

“What, you think you wake up yourself?” You giggled. “Yes, I absolutely hit you with pillows.”

“I will remember that next time I find myself awake at three am.” He said with mock seriousness as he gestured to the table of drinks. “Want something.”

“Yes.” You said as you took a step over at him. “Green punch bowl is always kid safe… looks like orange is alcoholic this year.”

“Got it.” He said with a nod as he kissed your cheek and headed off to grab drinks.

“He seems nice.” Your cousin, Shannon said as she came over and grabbed one of the many seats with her plate of Halloween themed treats.

“He is amazing.” You confirmed with a nod as you habitually looked over your shoulder and quickly located your four boys in the crowded back yard. “And the boys love him.”

“Do you?” Natasha asked with her eyebrow raised.

“I do.”

“OK, since everyone’s here, let’s do presents before Nonno and I start dinner!” Your dad called out from the other side of the yard.

“Oh, yay. Corralling cats.”

“Here, I got it.” Mark said as he handed you your drink. You drank yours in two gulps, set the cup aside, and followed him across the yard toward the towering pile of gifts as chairs were dragged over and kids were corralled. You grabbed a seat beside Mark in the grass, and pulled Evan on to your lap as your mom and Emma moved some presents around on the table.

“OK, there is an order to these.” Zoe called out as she passed the first couple gifts to you. “Cousin gifts first.” You nodded your head and passed the thirty dollars and under gifts in your hand over to Mark so he could help Luca and Theo open them. You helped Evan open a bag of large Lego blocks, and helped Thomas reveal a stack of new books, while your other two sons opened a toy truck and more Legos. 

You opened a plastic farm house, some more toy trucks and toy cars, a toy garage, some learning toys and games, and some bath toys. There were fake kitchen toys, and a fake tool box, a fake cleaning toys, and even a pair of fake lawn mowers. And too wrap it up, a couple of your cousins had apparently pooled their money to create a pretty amazing activity table that was large enough for all four boys to play side by side; which was apparently the winner of the night anyways since once the wrapping paper came off, the other toys were forgotten by all of your sons.

“Well, we don’t really need them for the rest anyways.” Emma giggled as she handed you a card with a smile. “From Yaya, Nonna, and Nonno.” You nodded your head and looked up at your three living grandparents, who were sitting up on the porch near one of the many heaters Selene had her husband, David, set up incase anyone got too cold, and waved. You pulled the card out and smiled at the cute cover before flipping it open and hesitating.

“Wait, what is this?” You asked as you pulled out a stack of American Airline plane tickets.

“Open this one next.” Mark said as he handed you another card that he had pulled out of his Hawkeye jacket.

“What did you do?” You laughed as you dropped the tickets in your lap and opened the next card.

“It’s from my dad.” He said as he caught the folded papers and opened them up. “He knows someone that knows someone that works for Disney company and they got him a great deal on a nice, deluxe room for us… he’s the one that kinda set this whole idea in motion and Ben and Emma helped coordinate it.”

“And I may or may not have cheated a bit and jumped on the idea and booked our family a trip as well so our gift to you is a night of free baby sitting so you can have a Disney date night.”

“Of course you did.” You laughed as you looked up at your twin.

“Here, we have more presents.” Your mom said with a giant smile as she handed you a small box. “This is from dad and I.”

“Stop, I can’t.” You said with a shake of your head as you started to tear up. “Really?”

“Open the box, (Y/N).” Your dad chuckled as he pointed at you with the grill spatula. “People are getting hungry here.”

“Tony, be nice!” Your Aunt Camilla snapped as she reached out and whacked her brother’s arm.

“We covered tickets.” Your mom said as you pulled off the wrapping paper to figure out what your mother had gotten. “But they’re on those band things. You gotta keep them with you…”

“I have emails for all of it.” Mark said as he collected the important paperwork for you.

“This one’s from Aunt Bianca and I.” Your Uncle Devin said as he handed you a slightly heavy box.

“You guys are gunna make me cry.” You said as you pulled the wrapping paper off a new to you, hand me down double stroller.

“They don’t allow the wagon ones.” Bianca said as she pointed to her old stroller. “And we don’t need ours anymore. We were gunna give it to you anyways…”

“Same with ours.” Catarina said as she grabbed her unwrapped stroller from behind the table and brought it around for you. “I made Adam put new wheels on the thing because they were a little stuck and I’m waiting for a new handle grip thing to come in the mail so I’ll put that on when they come in.” You nodded your head as Selene and Viola came over to grab their boxes.

“These were rated number one in parenting magazines but if you don’t like them, we can send them back.”

“They’re inflatable toddler beds.”

“Oh, I was actually looking into these for Mark’s place.” You said as you looked at the box for the The Shrunk's travel inflatable toddler bed. “See, it has the rails so that the boys can’t roll off it even if it is close to the floor.”

“No more climbing out of the play pens.” Mark agreed as he took a look at one of the other bed boxes.

“You move in now. Get small boys beds.” Yaya said in broken English as she picked at the snack table.

“Ma!” Zoe barked behind you as your face flushed red.

“She has a point.” Selene said in Greek with a shrug.

“No, no.” You said with a shake of your head as you looked over at Mark. “We’re not there yet… are we?”

“Discussion for another time.” Your boyfriend said as he reached out and rubbed your back. “Still not scared.”

“Here, open this one.” Emma said quickly as she handed you the next gift. You nodded your head and quickly opened the next one, which was four stroller fans, and a pair of stroller rain covers. With the last few gifts, you could tell that your family had done a lot of research on taking toddlers to Disney; gifting you insulated sippy cups, some cooling towels, reusable bags, disposable dirty diaper bags, bedsheets, suitcases, rain jackets, hats, sunscreen, a couple Disney guide books, and a small but pretty bad ass first aid kit, which left you very little to actually have to buy for this surprise trip. Just as you finished thanking everyone, profusely, your dad announced that dinner was ready.

“Did you do all this?” You asked Mark before you got up to get plates together for the boys.

“I asked you two months ago if you could take them anywhere, where would you want to take them? You said Disney so I just helped make it happen for you.”

“Why are you so good to us?” He shrugged his shoulders and smiled as he got up to start convincing your sons that eating was gunna be more fun than playing with their new toys.

“Because I love you all more than words, kitten. Simple as that.”

——

“What in God’s name are we gunna do with all this candy?” Mark asked as he sat on your bed, sorting through four plastic pumpkins of candy to sort out what the boys could have and what was going to you and him once the two of you got the boys bathed and in bed for the night.

“Eat it all.” You said as you looked over at him from the travel book you were skimming through. “I think we can do it, don’t you?”

“I think we can manage that.” You nodded your head, and went back to looking at your book until he set a stack of papers on your page.

“You know, I would love nothing more than to come home to you and your boys every day. To make you breakfast every morning and be the one tuck those little terrors in with you at night…”

“You mean tuck them in for me.” You said as you looked at the papers in your hand. “Mark, these houses are way to much…”

“Let me worry about that.” He said as he ripped open a snack size Butterfinger and held it out in front of you. “Here.”

“This isn’t a Pavlov dog, situation here.” You giggled before you ate the candy bar. “You are not paying a million dollars for a house.”

“Look at this one, my love.” He said as he pulled one of the papers out and set it on top while opening a small Snickers bar with his other hand. “Six bedrooms, gorgeous atrium.”

“We don’t need six bedrooms…”

“This one has five bedrooms…”

“It’s barely above a thousand feet. Too small.” You mumbled around your Snickers as you tossed the paper aside.

“This one…”

“No.”

“How about…”

“No, that tile is hideous.”

“Kitten, I can put in new tile.”

“No, because we’re just fine… wait, this is by Emma.” Mark nodded as he handed you another candy bar.

“It is. Ben brought me the paper tonight. His sister is the realtor on it and I may have already emailed her to get us an appointment…”

“Mark, this is a million dollar house.” You said as you turned the paper over to look at the details. “It’s gorgeous but I can’t afford to spend this kind of money…”

“I can.” He said as he pulled the other papers out of your hand except the one you liked. “(Y/N), I want you to understand something. I am in this. I want you and those boys in my life forever. And yes, I’m quite aware that proposing now is not what is best for us at this moment, that’s not what I’m doing here. I’m asking you to let me be able to come home to you after work every day. I’m asking you to let me help you raise the four boys that make me a better person every day. And I’m asking you to let me love my family, because that is what you five have become to me. Kitten, let us be a family, please.”

“Buy the house.” Your dad whisper yelled above your head from the stairs. “Get out of my basement.”

“Go to bed!” You hissed back as you flipped the paper back over in your hand to look at the photos of the five bedroom, five bath home. “Mind your business.”

“My basement is my business!” He hissed back as he smiled at your boyfriend. “Don’t worry, son. I got your back.”

“Dad! Go upstairs before I go get Mom!” You barked in Italian as you you tilted your head back to look up at him. “Go to bed, and stop eavesdropping though the baby monitor.”

“Move out of my house so I don’t have to hear your conversations through the baby monitor.” He countered before he hurried out the door so you wouldn’t get up to find your mother.

“Here, love. You love Milky Ways…”

“You are not helping here!” You giggled as you took the candy from him. “I’ll think about it, OK?”

“OK, well you can think about it tomorrow when we go see the house at noon. Chocolate?”

“Quit bribing me with chocolate!” You scowled at him for a moment before you reached out and snatched the candy from his hand. “Shut up.” He chuckled as you leaned over and kissed his cheek before popping the chocolate in your mouth and leaning against his side with a sigh. “Fine, we’ll go look at the house.”

“Thank you, my love.”

——

“This house is way to big.” You sighed as you stood in your new grey and white kitchen, that felt like it had more space than you could ever want or need, with a box of the boys dishes on your hip.

“It’s a family home, kitten.” Mark said as he pulled the box from your hands so you would keep working. “One to grow in which is exactly what our family needs.”

“Yea, but there’s so much room.”

“So we have more kids.” He huffed as he headed outside into the snow to get more boxes from your van so you’d be all moved in before Christmas in a few weeks. “Simple as that.”

“What, you looking to have a whole zoo?”

“Just a basketball team.” You couldn’t help but laugh as you grabbed a box of your clothes next.

“Yea, you are out of your mind if you think I’m signing up for another round of quadruplets.”

“So what, you’re all done having kids?”

“No idea. Maybe one day when the boys are older and a little less monster like. I don’t know, I love being a mother and I would never say no to doing it again, just not now.”

“I could get on board with that.” He said with a nod as he dropped his box on his bed (and your mattress because you both agreed it was way more comfortable than his). “Are you always going to have multiples?”

“It’s a crap shot.” You said as you headed down the stairs. “Could be one, could be four, could be seven. I don’t really have a set schedule or a direct connection with my ovaries to tell them we only want one or two more, you know?”

“OK, valid point.” Mark chuckled as he handed you a lighter clothes box. “But let the record show, I wouldn’t mind doing four again.”

“Let the record show that I would greatly mind doing four again. My ass looked like a Goodyear blimp for months.”

“I bet it looked fantastic.” 

“OK you keep your pregnant girlfriend fantasies in your pants for now, you hear me?”

“Oh no.” He cooed as he he wrapped his arms around your waist before you could walk out of Theo and Thomas’ room. “Now I’m gunna have that image in my mind for months.”

“And that’s where it is gunna stay for at least another year.”

“Oh, so I’ve got you down to a year now.”

“Mark!” You screeched as you pushed him away from you to finish unpacking. “Unpack your current kids shit before you start planning on adding more shit to it.” You headed down stairs, grabbed the next box, and headed back upstairs before you realized that you had left your boyfriend in the hallway.

“My kids?” He asked as he looked up from the wood floor to find your eyes. You paused with a furrowed brow and nodded slowly.

“You’re the only father figure they have ever known and you’ve been there for them… for us, nearly every day for the past what, almost a year, without batting an eye, no matter how much I tried to scare you off. Of course they are your kids, too.”

“(Y/N), do not put that idea in my head if you ever plan on taking those boys…”

“Mark, I wouldn’t have agreed to buying a house with you if I ever planned on taking them away from you. And at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to take you from them at the end of the day because you are their world. You may not be a biological father, but you are their father.” He nodded his head and tears welled in his eyes as he reached out to hold the banister and scrubbed at his eyes.

“OK.” He choked with a sniffle and a nod. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” You giggled as you passed him the box in your arms and headed back down to go get more. “You still have no idea what you’re signing up for.”

“Apparently I never will.”

“Don’t worry, neither will I!”

Part 5

[xserpentlife]

Take It

Hi! Can I request an imagine where Sweet Pea and the reader are bffs and they go to Cheryl's pool party and the reader is SUPER HOT in her bikini so Sweet Pea is trying his hardest not to punch every guy who looks at the reader and he is also trying to cover her up maybe with his jacket or another clothes? And all is this because it turns out he is in love with her? Thank you! 💕

A/N: Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None maybe cursing?

Summary: Sweet Pea likes you and you have no idea, but what happens when you go to a pool party and all the guys are looking at you.

Word Count: 2662

Y/N POV

Today was Cheryl Blossoms annual summer party, but this year was different the Serpents were finally invited. Things have been going good between the Serpents and the Northside and honestly, it was the only thing you could ask for. You have been a Serpent for a long time. Sweet Pea and Fangs were your best friends. You seemed to always have the best of times with them during the summer. Making homemade water slides out of tarps and going to swim in the river were the best parts of summer for you. With the recent things happening on the Southside though you haven't done it in a long time. Last summer so much happened that it seemed like summer passed by in a blink, you were happy being able to finally be calm and just have a good time.

You were sitting at Pops waiting for the boys to show up and they were late as always. You were scrolling on your phone when you saw the familiar shadow over you.

“Hey Sweets, Hey Fangs you guys are late”

“Sorry Y/N we got busy”

“Mhm I ordered your favorites they should be out soon”

“Thanks” Thanks”

“You excited about the pool party?”

“I’m I get to see Kev” “I don’t know I don’t really wanna go”

“Oh come on Pea you never wanna do anything”

“Why don’t we just go to the river like old times”

“We can do that anytime this summer come have some fun,  Free beer, and a bunch of girls in bikinis I know you don’t want to pass that up”

“Maybe I’ll show”

“Come on, you have to come I don’t wanna be lonely”

‘You’ll have Fangs”

“Nah he’s gonna be suckin face with Kevin”

“I am sitting right here”

“Am I wrong Fogarty”

“No, but-”

“Exactly, so please Pea”

“Maybe and I am going to leave it at that princess. I’ll catch you guys later I gotta cover Toni’s shift at the Wyrm”

“Want us to come?”

“Nah it’s cool I’ll see you at the party”

“Yay” You hugged him, and usually, it was normal something that happened often between the two of you, but this time he tensed like something was wrong.

“Alright bye” With that, he exited Pops without another word

“You good Y/N?”

“Yeah just, nevermind”

“Why don’t you just tell him?” “I can’t Fangs just leave it please”

“Alright hey, you want a ride back to your trailer? I'm gonna meet Kev and give him a ride so I need to stop at my trailer first”

“Yeah thanks” you soon arrived at your trailer and got ready to meet Fangs and hopefully Sweet Pea at Cheryl’s party.

Sweet Pea’s POV

I had to get out of Pops. For months now I’ve seen Y/N as more than a friend but the thought of her being at that Northside party and having all eyes on her killed me inside. I went to the Wyrm to get my mind off of her and it was working until Fangs walked in.

“So Sweet Pea wanna tell me the real reason that you're not coming to the party? Oh and how about why you lied about working?”

“Drop it, Fogarty”

“No, I’m your best friend dude you need to tell me you have been acting weird all week. You’ve barely hung out with us? What is going on?”

“I can’t okay”

“Are you in trouble”

“Fangs I like Y/N! Okay!, oh fuck” Fangs grabbed his collar and dragged him outside.

“You like Y/N”

“You can not tell her anything do you understand me”

“But if you like her tell her Sweet Pea”

“I can’t”

“Why not?”

“Cause what if she doesn’t like me”

“Her not like you dude she has been your best friend for years”

“Exactly”

“Oh my god! Big bad Serpent Sweet Pea is scared of getting rejected”

“Fangs look I have pushed it away long enough okay I can deal with pushing it away till it disappears”

“Alright you know what, you do you, but you better show up to that party because if you don’t she's gonna be really disappointed and I know you don’t wanna do that to her”

“I’ll be there now can we drop this”

“Yeah. I’ll catch you later I'm going to Kevs, See you at the party”  I knew I shouldn’t agree to go to the party but for her I would do anything. I knew she wanted me there so I had to go.

Y/N POV - Party Time

You sat on a pool chair, the party hadn’t started yet but Toni invited you over to help set up.

“So Y/N your big bad serpent coming”

“What are you talking about Cheryl?”

“Sweet Pea”

“I don’t know he told me he would think about it, but Fangs is coming”

“Wait why are you in shorts and a t-shirt”

“My swimsuit is in my bag?”

“Well go put it on”

“Now?” Cheryl nodded her head so you went and got changed and came back down the stairs.

“Oh no no Y/N. Sweetie, you are at the blossom house you need to wear an extra bathing suit, this is just so well plain. I think I have the perfect suit for you follow” You didn’t think your bathing suit was bad, it was plain but you thought it was fine. Cheryl handed a bathing suit to you and you went and got changed. The bathing suit she put you in barely covered any skin. It was a black bikini with a flower detail on the bottoms. It was beautiful and you had to admit you looked good but you would never wear anything like this especially to a party. You didn’t hate it though and honestly, it made you feel super confident.

“Cheryl this is beautiful I love it”

“Keep it, it looks good on you babe”

“Thanks”

“Party is starting soon go lay by the pool or whatever, thanks for the help setting up”

“Anytime” You went and laid by the pool waiting for your boys to arrive. Fangs finally did about 30 minutes later.

“Y/N You look incredible”

“Thanks, Fangs but you don’t think it’s too much?” Kevin just stood there looking at you.

“not at all someone is gonna like it a lot” “Fangs I told you not to say anything”

“Okay I mean I like dudes so you do nothing for me but Y/N your boobs look incredible”

“Haha thanks, Kev”

“We're gonna go say hi to people hang later”

“Yeah, bye guys” You were hoping Sweet Pea would show up soon.

Sweet Pea’s POV

I had stalled as much as possible but Y/N wanted me there and I needed to go. I pulled up on my bike and I heard the music blaring. It was now or never. I walked in scanning for Y/N but I didn’t see her. I was about to walk into the house but then there she was. Tanning by the pool in a bikini. She was beyond beautiful. I had never seen her serpent tattoo before. When we swam she always had a one piece on or shorts, never a bikini. She was gorgeous. I walked into the house grabbing a beer before she saw me I had to clear my head.

“Pea you made it!”

“I told you I wouldn’t let her down Fangs”

“She is gonna be stoked your here dude”

“Where’s Kev?”

“Putting on his bathing suit”

“Well I’m gonna bri-” I was about to bring the beer out to Y/N when I looked out the window and saw a bulldog staring at her. She needed to cover up. Was I jealous?

“I know that suit looks amazing on her”

“I mean yeah but it’s too much skin”

“Is Sweet Pea jealous?”

“Shut it” I walked out grabbing a towel that was sitting on the deck and I threw it over her. I hoped she would think it was a joke.

‘What the fuck! Oh my god you came” she sat up and hugged me.

“I told you I would, beer?”

“Yeah thanks”

“How long you been out here?”

“Like an hour and a half why?”

“Probably should leave the towel over your legs so they don’t burn”

“Pea when have I ever burned?”

“Okay well” in the distance Cheryl called Y/N to play volleyball in the pool.

“You wanna come?”

“Nah I'll sit and watch” I watched for a while It was her, Cheryl and Toni against Fangs, Kevin and Jughead. It was fun watching the game Y/N was really good, I kept trying to take my mind off her but nothing was working. I didn’t even notice the game was over until Fangs came and sat next to me.

“You good?”

“Yeah fine”

“You don’t look fine You have been staring at Y/N the entire time”

“Well she's like practically naked”

“Dude just tell her”

“I can’t Fangs you know that”

“Yeah well just so you know she is about to get out of that pool in five minutes and I guarantee that every guy and probably every girl at this party is going to look at her in all her glory. So just let that sink in” I wished he would have been wrong, but as soon as she stepped out of the pool I saw all the eyes. I walked up to her and watched her put a towel around herself, but I took my flannel off and draped it around her shoulders.

“Pea what are you doing” She started walking over to the chairs and I followed

“Nothing”

“Take your flannel back it’s hot and I’m soaked, I have a towel but thanks”

“No really just keep it” she handed it back to me as she grabbed her beer from next to the chair. I draped it around her again when she stood up.

“Just take the flannel Y/N really”

“Why are you trying to give me your flannel?”

“Just take it your wet it’ll help you dry off faster”

“I don’t need your damn flannel pea what is wrong with you”

“Damn it Y/N can you not be so fucking stubborn right now!”

“I am not stubborn Sweet Pea.”

“Really so if I ask you to put that flannel on and come talk to me, you’ll come willingly?” I smirked already knowing her answer.

Y/N scoffed. “I don’t need to wear a flannel Pea I look damn good in this suit and I want to show it off.”

“Fuck it then” I mumbled.

I grabbed her over my shoulder. I had to tell her somehow.

“Sweet Pea put me down!”

“Not a chance princess”

“What the fuck are you doing your gonna make me spill my beer”

“I'll get you another one just drop it”

“You are so annoying today!” We got out to where my bike was and I placed her down. “So you wanna tell me why you carried me out here?”

“I uh…”

“Pea what is going on”

“You, you are going on have you seen the way you looked? Every single girl and guy in that party is looking at you like a fucking snack. Which like you look fantastic but I hate when they look at you like that”

“I don’t get it, what is the problem”

“Just drop it”

“No your the one that kept trying to give me your flannel and then carried me out here so tell me what is going on Sweet Pea”

“It was either get you to wear the flannel or punch all the people that were staring at you so really I made the correct choice”

“Why would you do that?”

“I like you Y/N” oh fuck. I just told her.

“I’m sorry you what?”

“Nothing I gotta go. I went to climb onto my bike but she stopped me. “Tell me, Sweets”

“I don’t know how”

“Just say how you feel”

“You have been my best friend for so long. I just, I don’t know when I started to like you but somewhere along the line, I did. I tried pushing the feelings away but I couldn’t. With summer being here it reminded me of all the time that we used to spend together and the time we would be spending together this year. I didn’t wanna ruin anything so I tried pushing them away that’s why I didn’t talk to you much the past week. Then this morning at Pops just sitting there you looked so pretty and I didn’t want to come to the party because I knew how much time I would be spending with you and I honestly didn’t know what to do. But I promised myself I would come for you because I didn’t want to disappoint you. When I got here I saw you and my jaw dropped I mean you look amazing all the time but seeing you in that bathing suit and seeing your Serpent tattoo I don’t know. I went and got the beers and saw guys looking at you and that is why I threw the towel on you. It was supposed to look like a joke but really I was just trying to cover you up. Then you jumped in the pool and played volleyball and I watched every guy's eyes on you and I had to cover you. I’ll admit I was jealous. I needed to tell you and if you don’t like me back that’s fine we can still be friends I just. I couldn’t miss the opportunity of someone else trying to be with you”

“First breathe, second come here” She pulled me to her connecting our lips together. The kiss ended when we heard Fangs behind us clapping.

“Thank god”

“You’re ruining the moment here buddy”

“Well I am just glad you finally told her cause if I had to keep her secret one mor-” she paused and stared at me “oops” she tried to lunge for him screaming “Fangs I am going to kill you!”

“Dude I suggest you run” with that he took off.

“If I let you down are you going to run?”

“No” I let her down lightly and she tried but failed “You know me too well Sweets”

“What secret was he talking about?”

“Uhm nothing lets go”

“Nope tell me you made me tell you”

“Well, ya see a few months ago you were dancing with some serpent recruit. I may have gotten jealous and went outside for a smoke, and well she came outside and talked about how she wanted to fuck you and I may have told her I was dating you and then punched her”

“You did what!”

“I mean she was fine, but Fangs saw me do it so I made him swear not to tell you I’m sorry”

“So you punched someone because of me, that's kinda hot. I guess that makes sense now why she never came for her initiation” I leaned down and kissed Y/N again.

“What do you say we go in together”

“Are you sure you want to Y/N”

“I mean if you don-”

“No, no I do trust me. Y/N I have liked you for so long I want to be able to call you mine. I want people to know. Let’s go swim or at least grab a beer”

“Oh, I am so down but do I have to keep the flannel on? No, you can take it off I’m sorry about that”

“I mean jealous Pea is kinda hot, maybe I’ll wear less clothes to the Wyrm from now on”

“How about we don’t do that”

“But then I can steal your jacket”

“You can have my jacket whenever you want just wear clothes to the Wyrm” she stood on her toes kissing me and I threw her over my shoulder and walked back into the party. I then threw her into the pool and jumped in after her. It was the best feeling. Being able to be with her and actually be with her.

[sunsetcurve]

Waves of Thunder * Family Danger Chapter 3

Sorry, at work right now but I know a big chunk of this chapter was Thunderbolt related, so I just inserted the whole thing. 😬

The Man Cave was in shambles ever since Charlotte left. At least that was exactly how Henry made it out every time he called her for an emergency. She went with it a while. Henry was pretty dependent in some aspects and she had only given him a couple of weeks to wrap his head around the changes. Eventually, though, she simply had to tell him very firmly that she couldn't continue to do this. 

She had a job search. She had weekly labs. She was going out for an internship. She just… couldn't coddle him. “Henry, Schwoz is standing right next to you. I can hear him breathing. The man taught me practically everything I know about the place. Turn to him for this help…”

“LAAAAAME!!!” Henry practically shouted. She just held the phone and blinked her eyes, with a sigh, staring ahead. He was about to say something when she started speaking to someone in her background.

“Hey. What're you doing here? I thought our thing was tomorrow?”

“I got here early for some meetings. Want me to go?” A guy said. 

Henry suddenly and oddly felt bothered by this call intrusion. “Who dat?” 

“No. I was just saying goodbye.”

“No you weren't,” Henry claimed.

But, she didn't hear him. Instead, she said into the phone, “Bye, Hen. Good luck on your mission.”

“Oh, that's Henry? Heyyy, Henry!” He said into the mouthpiece. 

She giggled the way that she had when she met Captain Man at Jasper's birthday party. Henry noted this because he didn't hear that type of behavior much from her. She wasn't very giggly. “Get outta my personal space, Max!” She said. Henry doubted she meant it from her giggling, and WHO was Max? “Max says 'Hi,’ but also 'Bye’ because you've got an emergency and we've got science things.”

“What kinda science things?” Henry asked, but Ray shouted,

“Like, right now, Kid!” He punched the enemy, but held onto his phone.

Before Charlotte hung up he heard her say to this Max, “From the sound of it, he's the fight. Probably wouldn't remember you anyway.” Her voice was fading as the phone headed for her bag. “He'll remember your sister.”

“He still crushing on her?”

“Who knows?” And she hung up. 

Henry was fighting as he put his phone away. He'd definitely look into this later! Who the jack was Max? And who was this sister of his that he had allegedly crushed on? And was she still hot? But more importantly, whether or not she was, who was that Max guy to Charlotte? 

Science things were usually not discussed between them. To be frank, they bored him and she didn't need to waste her breath, for both their sakes. But this sounded suspiciously like science things, but being enjoyed with a guy. A guy that made her giggle. A giggle with zero effort. It's not like he was jealous, but he probably should at least size this dude up. Charlotte never dated in school. Her parents didn't allow it. She could hang out with friends all day every day if she wanted, but no boyfriends and no dates. Only high school graduates could date in her house, an unfair stipulation, considering that she was an only child.

But, Henry was distracting himself. He and Ray bagged their bad guy and he headed home shortly after that.

…

He and Charlotte spoke a few more times, while playing on their live video games, and he called her a few times, but she apparently had gotten the internship she was shooting for. All she'd texted was, “Got my internship. Yay!” 

But, her social media post had, “So grateful for this opportunity. The youngest intern for this program in a decade. The only freshman this year. Big ups to my parents, teachers, mentors, and special thanks to Max for so many nights of helping me with my entry project. #TheScienceBroIBeenWaitnFo” Then she included hearts, hugs and kisses emojis. Why hadn't his text been so impassioned?

Henry stared at it for a while before going to the comments and reading an entire 46 comments thread of exchange between her and this guy. 

To sum it up, Dude was super excited for her, and said so, and included a bunch of emojis of his own, and they spoke science here and there, some simple, some went over Henry's head, but the thing that didn't was Max's use of parentheses when he repeated Science “Bros.” 

Now… it was very much so possible that in the short span of time that Henry guessed she knew this dude, he'd quickly caught on to her penchant for not being a “bro,” but since in this rare instance SHE used it, he figured that Max was hinting at something else and honestly, it was on his nerves. 

He checked out the guy's page. “Maxy-T. Corny,” he muttered. But, he looked familiar… Then, Henry saw photos of he and the sister. “Phoebe? This is Phoebe's brother, Max???” That dude was a villain, last time he knew of. Oh, but in his profile, it clearly stated that he'd left villainy behind to be the best hero he could be. Henry groaned, but couldn't force himself to leave the page. Mainly because there were a lot of photos of Char there. She wasn't tagged, so he hadn't seen them before, but they were like… uncomfortably cozy.

One was of her in a lab of some sort, in her pajamas and protective gear, side-by-side with one of her at a science gala, all dressed up and… surprisingly hot, Henry had to admit. The caption said: Get you a girl that can do both. And Charlotte had liked the post and commented with a smile and a wink. “Oh! Okay.” Henry said, nodding as he continued stalking the page. 

One was a video of Charlotte in this field of sunflowers, wearing sunflowers and doing one of those dance challenges. He… didn't know Char could dance like that! And then she levitated? Must have been with Max's help. The caption said: Hope floats. #DoYouLoveMe #SheGotMeInMyFeelings “EXCUSE ME???”

While he was yet stalking, dude went live. “Hey, we're here at Char's lab, working when we should be celebrating…”

She giggled from the background and said, “Oh, so you're gonna shade me like this? I steal your lab?” 

“Charlotte's lab, that Charlotte built with her own two hands and is at working, everyday…” 

Her face appeared to interject, “He totally let me borrow his lab everyday. I was only pushy the first time!” They both laughed and exchanged looks and whatever the look was, Henry hated it.

…

Whenever they talked, she didn't mention Max, and whenever Henry brought him up, she laughed it off and changed the subject. One of the times that they were talking, Henry was in the Man Cave and Ray came upon their conversation. “Is that Charlotte?” He asked and rushed over, jumping into Henry and Charlotte's video call. 

“Dude!”

“Hey, Ray!!!” Charlotte cheered and waved both hands. 

“Charlotte,” he folded his arms, “I've been told you're fraternizing with the kid that turned us over to a room full of villains.” 

“It's not that serious, Ray. We hang out. Besides, that's in his past. He's legit Z-Force, now. Actually, he loves pranks. I think that you'd get along with him, now.”

“Oh because he loves pranks?” Ray asked.

Henry chimed in, laughing, “Yeah, just because he loves pranks.”

Ray: I mean… I also love a good prank.

Henry: Yeah, a good prank is worth a lot to me.

Charlotte: He'll be here soon, if you wanna chat 

Henry suddenly remembered his frustrations, “No! I was checking on you, because you two seem like you're dating. This guy's older, has had way more dates, probably. Probably has a lot of groupies.”

“Superpower groupies,” Ray added.

“The absolute most desperate of groupies.”

“That isn't a lie,” Ray bragged.

Charlotte told them, “The most insulting thing about this conversation is that both of you think that there's something that you would think of that I wouldn't.”

Ray informed her, “We know how guys think.”

“Oh yea? What do you guys think he's thinking about?” 

They both stuttered and Ray finally answered, “Well, grown up sleepovers, for one.”

“Yeah!” Henry seconded, then shuddered, “Gross.”

“Oh, it's gross that someone would be interested in me?” Charlotte snapped. Henry tried to explain that wasn't what year meant, but she had ran with it, “For your information, I love grown up sleepovers and I'm told that I'm excellent at it!” 

“I'm out,” Ray said, leaving the conversation. Busting Charlotte's chops, maybe even giving that Max kid a hard time, he had been ready for, but one of his “kids” having grown up sleepovers? That was where he tapped out.

“Charlotte, that isn't what I was getting at, but wait, what? You've… slept over with that dude? Do your parents know?”

“Do yours know about your… things?”

“That's different. My parents are super not attached. Yours used to have you keep tabs of where you were and who you were with in Goofle Drive.” He laughed, remembering that.

“My parents know that I'm seeing Max and they support me, unlike my so-called best friend who hasn't had anything nice to say to me in months.”

“Char..  I have had plenty of nice things. I just kept them to myself.”

“That's helpful.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Match the wingperson energy that I gave you for every single girl you were interested in during the course of this friendship.”

“I don't recall.”

“I encouraged you to ask Bianca out, and after you made me regret it by basically making a fool of yourself, I still motivated you to tell her how you felt before the world ended. And because of it, when the world kept existing, you'd gotten a kiss and a girlfriend!”

“Okay, that did happen, but…”

“Then you rejected my very helpful advice to NOT try to do a dual identity date with her and Chloe. And after you didn't listen, you spent most of the night isolating me from my other friends to try to advise you through a problem that I never would have been stupid enough to find myself in.”

“Char…”

“And you never even said thank you, or more importantly SORRY!”

“I see your point.”

“Henry, you once told me that you would never date me because I was like a sister to you.”

“You said that you wouldn't date me because I was a dishonest idiot and it already complicated your life enough just being my friend!”

“And… that was true then and is true now. But, you're acting… not like my brother. You don't pull this with Piper.”

“I don't feel the same way about Piper as I do about you,” he blurted out. 

“Precisely. And like the idiot that I said you were, you waited until I found someone else to acknowledge this. I'm not Chloe, Henry. I'm not giving you a shot because you decided that you don't want to see me with someone else. Especially when I was there to witness herbe neglected until she left for Kids in the Woods.”

“I don't want to date you.’

“Good. Then there's no reason that you can't be supportive.”

“Yeah. Well, I gotta go. Swellview emergency.”

“Cool. Be careful out there.”

“Will do.”

…

Flashback:

Charlotte told Henry, “We should come up with a backup story. We'll need cover if Jasper is ever going to buy that we're dating. My cover is that we're keeping it a secret because my parents won't allow me to date. Easiest fiction is something steeped in the truth.”

“Oh, yeah, your parents don't let you date. Now, you ewwwing at me makes sense.”

“We made the sound at the same time, and that's not the reason that I did.”

“Friends should never date. First off, you might ruin the friendship and on top of that, I mean, I see you like a sister. You understand.”

“I don't understand any of that. If I were going to date, I'd definitely want the person to be my friend first. I want us to have common ground. I want us to have things that we can share together as friends even though we're dating. And, I have literally never thought of anyone as a sibling. Maybe it's because I am an only child, or maybe it's just because we have such different ways, you couldn't have possibly ever grew up as my sibling. My parents would have disowned you by now.”

“Harsh, but realistic… WAIT! Then why'd you say EWWW?”

“I said ewww, because you're a dishonest idiot and it already complicates my life enough just being your friend.”

“Charlotte, that's the rudest thing you've ever said to me… but it's maybe true, possibly.”

“I don't need you to tell me that I'm making sense. What about your cover? Jasper will have so many questions and most of them, I'm sure he'll ask you.”

Henry waved her off, “Between the two of us, no matter what we say, he'll believe us.”

…

Having a hectic schedule, but still no paycheck was a bummer. Charlotte really needed one of these searches to come through. As she played videogames with Henry and Jasper, she complained about it on the headset. 

“Why don't you see if Ray has something you could do from there?” Henry wondered.

“He's been a lit.tle. fussy with me since my notice. Henry, do you really think Ray might consider that?”

“Don't see why not. He often asks me 'Are you and Charlotte talking again? I have wanna ask her something!”

“When were we not talking?”

“He only means that he knows I'm no longer a priority.”

She paused for just a moment and her character was almost killed! She took a moment, put her head back in the game, and practically whispered, “You’ll always be a priority, Hen.” He smiled to himself, and even though she couldn’t see him, she countered, “Don’t be smiling.”

A/N: I usually do these at the front, but I wanted to just tag this bit of info in here… I do not know WHO I got the idea of Charlotte + Max Thunderman, and I’ve seen very little of the Thundermans, so Idek none about them. If I’m OOC with him or whatever, charge it to my head and not my heart. 

[hitchell-mope]

Just put on the movie

And there we go. The dedication is there.

Oh god the rapping.

My palms will be bloody by the time this is over.

But I like the parallels to the first movie

To much auto tune

There goes my heart Disney.

Oh lord that’s high

Bbys. Smee twins

WHY WASNT DIZZY THERE FROM FILM TWO

There’s my child Celia

MY BOY!!!!

I mean Mal has a point.

He thinks it through

I love him so fucking much

Loving Doug’s hair

Rat bastard. Rat bitch. Rat fairy (Adam belle Verna)

Fuck off leah chad Audrey

😍😍😍😍. This version is better then d1

SUCK IT PASTEL COW

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Oh Evie love. Just tell him you love him

FUCK OFF YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

YES WE WOULD PREFER MAL TO YOU YA BITCH

I hate you Adam and belle

Ben and the other three are adorable family

Still hating Audrey. So. Fucking. Much

Love the purple limo

WHY IS TREMAINE NICE. IT MAKES NO SENSE

Bal parent vibes are strong

They shoulda painted the limo roof purple

Dying of cuteness

Proud fiancé Mal. Love it

Fuck off leah

Here’s papa hades. And the ham.

DRAGON MAL. WHOO HOO

Ah well. Nice while it lasted

NOT HER JOB PASTEL COW

So. Much. Ham.

Poor girl. Ouch.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. I still hate her and her geriatric bitch of a grandmother

Oh bitch please. First words out of your mouth were creel. And it ain’t abated

I’m supposed to be sorry for this sad act? I don’t think so

So. Much. Rapping

Oh. SPARE ME WOMAN

Still theft. Throw her on the isle with her grandmother

Lonely and friendless. Because Mal is so much better then you ya limp noodle

Gotta be bad on the back

YOU DESERVE A SLAP AROUND THE FACE YOU SPOILED BRAT

Seriously though. The actual singing is better then the rapping. So gotta give satah her dues

Fuck off grown ups.

YOU PUT THEN THERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACD

Blue bitch. Just like always belle

Ok. People. You can see it’s hurting bal to do this. KILL THE BEAST

DONT CRY BABY BOY. PLEASE. LAST TIME ALMOST KILLED ME

Murder. The fucking. Parents

Evie. Evie’s sensible. Listen to your sister Mal.

And here comes the guilt. Like always. The narrative blames Mal

That darn cake

Ah. Pain. Hug them now

And jump scare

Oh god. Shut up Audrey. You’re a sore loser

Eh. The prosthesis look ok

Audrey. Nutter. Ben was more then ready to start the honeymoon when Mal was a dragon. Do you really think a hag would stop him?

😂😂😂😂

Oh boy

That’s a lie and you know it bluey.

At least the bikes have an explanation

Why the red for Evie though

And the mutt speaks

Fuck off Chad. I hate you so much

This bitch again

So shrieky.

Kiss ass

Real original

Jump Jane jump!

So many neck cricks

No one tells him anything

Cella’s right Mal

Overly long gag. But cute

Awww 🥰🥰🥰🥰. At least he’s a good dad

Nice reference

And the fear mongering begins.

And here’s the cryptid. He shoulda died in it’s going down

Psycho bitch pirate whore

Cella’s a troll and I love it

The vehicle needs an oil change

At least he’s sleeping. Though that position can not be comfortable

At long last the reveal.

He’s funny. And hot. (I can see where @mochacake2016 is coming from)

We know! We know

And here’s the music

😂😂😂😂.

He’s got a point

Ok.

THERES NO PHONES ON THE ISLAND QUEEN MAL

She actually sounds like jade west here

So far. Besides the proposal. This is my favourite song. Mostly for Hades great looks. Great voice

And the tambourine

Would be better with purple and blue fire effects. But no. We can’t have nice things. They spent the budget on pirate whores make up

She’s got a point. They both do

LISTEN TO HIM

Proud papa

C’mon girl. Cry

Of course she told her sister

He’s a good king.

T-shirt should be ripped.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. Hate her so much

And. Here. We. Go.

Benny. I love you. But did you not hear what she said to Evie when you first met the vks. Of course not. You were lost in Mal’s eyes.

Oh god. PLEASE SOMEBODY GO AND MELT HER

Whore man is probably skunk drunk. Gil’s cute as ever though

Throw hook in the water. And keep it there.

🎶she’s back🎶

And there screwed

He makes feel physically sick

Uma. I love ya. But honestly. Mal owes no one anything. It’s not her job.

No it ain’t

Jay’s got a point

Oh honey

Hook. In the words of the irreverent Captain Jack Sparrow “if the bikes be crashed properly. You be crashed along with it”. Not you Gil. I like you

Mother hen strikes again. Uma ain’t buying what she’s selling

Pure child Celia. (I don’t use this very much but) Gil’s babey (it feels wrong to type£

Chicken arms. No brains. No wit. No dance skills. No rapping skills. Ya basically a walking corpse hook

The dogs giving me a nervous twitch.

I hate the pair of them so no. No sympathy for prince douche bag

Gil makes me cry so simply

Stab the pirate jay. Please. For all of us

Psycho bitch

I want. It. Dead. Brutally. Dead

And more music. If this weren’t Disney they coulda melted them yo pukes of goo and pour it down Harry’s throat.

Oh god

So she can’t count either. Just like her brother

Definitely cha cha slide.

Deep sigh

So much ham.

Here’s a funny idea. How about instead of a bloody pantomime. ACTUALLY FUCKING FIGHT YOU FECKERS

Synchronised armour dancing. That’s new

Oh for fuck sake

Ha ha. Save it for the sob story bitch

What’s next a kick line

Thank god I was wrong.

Hook should be suffocated under the armour right now. Put us out of our misery

Care bear alert

I had to have a flu jab today. And it weren’t as painful as every single nanosecond hooks on screen

Love the platonic affection (I hate the very concept of malvie. What did you expect?)

Mother alert

Don’t eat wild fruit honey

So cute. But so dumb

Oh. Phineas and Ferb reference

Awww babies.

Don’t you dare tell me Mal doesn’t care.

THEY FOUND DOUG

Uma’s so done with care bear bs

More singing. Yay(!)

Please. Remind me again exactly why this is a DCOM. Cause it honestly does not feel like it what with the backstory pirate whores entire existence and the choreography

How has evie not broken a leg in this number.

Believe me Mal and Uma. I feel your frustration they go together like peanut butter and chocolate spread. (Perfectly if you didn’t know)

Where is she going?

She knows how R&J ended right? Double suicide. Why the romanticism huh?

HE IS NOT A RAG DOLL! Though props to Zachary for not corpsing

How can you hate Doug. He’s adorable. Best straight couple ever

There’s ma boy. Rip Harry’s throyatvout plwae.

Ben’s always been hot. But this is definitely working for me.

Awww. Carlos helping his papa

Wet Ben. Yum

Awww. Janelos cuteness.

Love the beard. So good. 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Someone murder the man whore before I do.

He makes me wanna throw up. And I’m not physically capable of doing that

@rpsocsandcanonohmy. I get where you’re coming from. But I also get where Ben is coming from. Sunbeam did get him abducted. And man slut tried to feed him to sharks. So I do understand both points. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong though

JUST. EXPLAIN. HIS MIND IS BEAST ADDLED

Shoulda let Ben slash hooks throat jay. You’re slipping buddy

Mal’s eating crow

Hopefully he chad suffocates. Then she’s have done one thing that wasn’t completely worthlessly reprehensible

🎶feelings🎶

And it had to ruin it

Te-am work. As plankton says

Proud sister

Boys are back. (With dude and the mutt in tow)

YAAAAAAAAAY

I hate happy harry. But I do like happy Uma. Eh. Double edged sword

BAL THIRST. FINALLY

Shoulda gone with Janelos. Jarlos is from big time rush

Oh they’re so cute

Poor Doug.

DOUG AND GIL FRIENDSHIP.

So. Update. Might be like Mal. (Definitely loving Ben’s facial hair)

Yawning over chad. So pathetic

Her seat from him douchey mcuseless

Poor Janey

Cats outta the bag

Once again. I kinda understand all points. Yeah Mal shouldn’t have lied. But Uma didn’t really give her and choice. And Evie just kinda assumed. And no one really lets her explain anything.

Hooks still pathetic. Even hurt emotionally I still wanna punch his roger rabbit looking face (Sorry Roger)

Oh dear

Mal. Don’t apologise. You did what you felt you needed to do. And no gives you a chance to explain. Ever.

Yes. You needed to do what you could.

Excellent acting all around as usual

Evie. Look. I love you. Your favourite number seven. But WHY IS IT YOUR SISTERS JOB. WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT MALS PROBLEM

Ha! Evie said it. She said family.

Oh fuck. Taken for granite

More singing.

Monster/story/invincible

I do want to stab Harry in the mouth with the hook

More flashback. Yay(.). Couldn’t they fill out the runtime

Flashbacks. TO THE START OF THE SO G THE FLASHBACK IS FROM. OH FOR FUCK SAKES

More dragon.

Audrey’s performance might make me a vegetarian

How is it not crushed by the claws?

Fire should be green

Yay. Auds dead. Please say yes?

The twins say literally one thing

From magical incantation to vaguely irritating verbal tick. Well alright then

Evie. Why do you sound so sad. It’s a good thing Audrey’s dying. The ultimate price and all that. You should be glad. It’s a good thing

Mal: he’s my father. Ben: shocked face. Me: makes a sound like a boiling kettle

Bye bye facial hair

Die slut

More eating crow

The in laws meet

Exactly hades. Exactly. Knee beast in the dick

God Ben’s so hot.

Bite Adam’s throat out please hades

Should’ve let Audrey waste away. And sent granny to Tartarus to meet her

OH SPARE ME YOUR BLEEDING HEART ROUTINE! I still hate you in a fundamental level

OH FINALLY YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

Nice little family moment

What the fuck is Evie’s dress?

Queen Mal has a very nice ring to it.

Sure you can. You owe them noting. You owe nobody anything

Jay has a pull back braid in his hair. Yay!

“Audrey would be gone”. You say it as though that’s a bad thing

“Insert woody woodpecker laugh”. Fuck you Adam

Compromise. Bring the vks over. And plop Adam Audrey chad anleah on the isle. Sink it into the ocean

Why didn’t Verna bring the barrier down. Oh yeah. Cause then she’d be useful

More singing

At least this takes place in daylight

I still hate harry

Push Harry in the drink please. IM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU

God I love Ben and Doug

Why the Charleston?

I still hate tremaine

Well. Jane. In ZM. You met Mal. She’s Carlos’s mother in this au

Giljay. It’s cute

So Harry makes me ill right upbto the end. Now he’s related to purple and blue

🎶a bitch is in the dog house🎶. And deservedly so

🤮🤮🤮🤮

Sweet little king

Oh boy

Whore has a turkey neck

This is the end. Good movie. With some unneeded bits. I’m gonna change a lot in ZM part three. And both dedications broke me.

[stripper-patrick]

Cravings🥮Bucky Barnes

Tr(eat) you better💛

late⏸

doctors 🥼

cravings🥮

baby 🍼

Little soldier 👑

Warnings: fluff,

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x black plus sized reader

My phone rings and I answer it.

“Hey baby girl”

“Hey Buck”

“What’s wrong” I’m sitting in Dylan’s room while he’s sleep.

“Nothing” I sniffle

“Y/N talk to me”

“It’s a number of things. I really want chickfila and I’m stressed and Dylan-“ I cant even get the full thing out without sobbing.

“I’m on my way”

“Ok” I hang up and sniffle sitting to myself again.

()()()

My pager goes off and I call Lydia who’s the receptionist.

“Hey”

“Hey there’s a man named James here to see you”

“I’m on my way” I say. I hang up and walk out.

I walk downstairs and wipe my tears. I know my face is a red puffy mess.

“Hey ba-“ I grab his hand and take him outside. I hug him tight. Bucky wraps his arms around me and I start sobbing again.

“What’s wrong Y/N your making me worried” he says rubbing my back “is it the baby?”

“No I need Chick-fil-A and Dylan hasn’t been doing well since we took him to the beach 2 months ago. We had a code blue for him today that means he stopped breathing James I’m scared”

“You gotta stop worrying. You know he’s our soldier too”

“He’s in a coma cause he wouldn’t sleep. I just need him to be ok” Bucky wipes my fresh tears and kisses my head.

“Do you wanna sit in the car?” I nod. I walk back inside.

“Lydia I’m gonna be right back” she nods

“Take your time sweetheart” I thank her and get in Bucky’s car.

He hands me the bag of food and I thank him.

“Y/N I think you should take a few days off from here”

“I can’t. That’s just gonna spike my blood pressure worrying about Dylan”

“You’re already worried I really think you should do it. It’ll just be like a week” I think about it dipping my nuggets in barbecue sauce.

“Ok” I nod

“Good” he says. While I’m eating he rubs my stomach.

“I’m actually gonna go in and say bye and let them know now”

“Ok I’ll keep it running” I nod setting down my food

“if you touch my milkshake I’ll punch you in the neck” I warn

“Only milkshake I want it between your-“ I shut the door laughing at him. I go inside and tell Lydia I’ll be out for a week. I run around collecting my stuff then I find myself in Dylan’s room.

“I’ll be back baby I promise. I’m not leaving you” I hold his hand and kiss it. I watch his heart rate monitor seeing it’s 97 beats per minute. Still normal.

I leave his room and get into the elevator going downstairs. I walk out and walk to Buckys car. He’s tapping on the wheel listening to music.

“He’s stable heart rate is fine” I say sighing.

“Good. He’ll be fine he rubs my thigh and pulls out of the driveway driving home.

...

“Y/N and Bucky are entering the door. Bucky is calm but Y/N’s stress levels are dangerously high” Friday speaks. I open the door and look at Tony.

“Really Tony”

“Sorry sweetie” Bucky closes the door and I sit down.

“What’s wrong?” Wanda asks

“My Son is making me emotional and my other son is in a coma”

“Your other son?”

“My hospital son” I explain. They nod.

“I made her take at least a week off cause as Friday said she’s dangerously stressed”

“Mhmm” I nod

“Yay Y/N’s back” Rocket says.

“What do you mean”

“All you do is walk in and sleep. Even before you got pregnant”

“Well then again I was worrying about my hospital child every single day” I roll my eyes “do we have oreos?”

“I just bought a fresh pack for you” Bruce says pointing to the closet. I hug him and kiss his cheek then grab my Oreos.

Bucky bites the one in my hand and I add him to my hit list.

“Did you see the glare” they all laugh

“Finally the crew is back together again”