#Workplace Hazards

[petkittymeowmeow]

Hey Siri, how do you say “I’m sorry “ in Spanish?

once upon a time I worked the freeway system for the State that Knows How To Party lol. One day I was running a work crew of “Voluntolds” picking up trash alongside an otherwise lovely stretch of soCal roadside. Time came for lunch so I commence to load up the crew to head out for a local city park. That day I was operating a passenger van and trailer combo. A typical litter crew type rig we’ve all seen shadowing folks in orange safety gear paying off their debts to society etc.

We arrive at the park and as soon as I get the rig situated and parked safely, the door to the PortaPotty toilet, mounted to the trailer bursts open and out pops one of the Voluntolds! Definitely Wild eyed and red faced.

Evidently this poor fella instead of riding in the safety and comfort of the passenger van rode all the way to the park on the freeway in the little orange mobile peepee teepee.

Knowing that there was language barrier and feeling just awful about the poor fellas’ harrowing ride, (cause after all, it was my bad) I asked another worker to translate, “I’m sorry “ for me.

And that my dear reader is the day I leaned in Spanish the phrase is: LO SIENTO.

[pearlypeacepeacock69]

Did no one watch the "work place accidents" videos in school? Like for labor day we would read about the Triangle Shirtwaist factory? And look at the pictures? And use critical thinking???

Like we'd watch the news and see kids trapped in diamond mines and write paragraphs about why bosses would let it happen. Do people really not know machine safety regulations was because people lost their lives in horrific ways just to save the boss a few cents?

WHO THE FUCK IS HATING OSHA?????

I’m still thinking about that “is OSHA regulations Cop Behavior” post. Like. You know who thinks regulations are for losers? People who build submersibles out of logitech gamepads and rejected carbon fibre. People who trust starlink as their only surface lifeline.

Do you wanna be like the fine film on the floor of the Atlantic that was once a billionaire? Is that the hill you’re really gonna die on?

We have an expression in my field- “Regulations Are Written In Blood”

People don’t have fucking safety standards as a power trip, we have them because somewhere in the past, NOT having those regulations killed or maimed someone.

A lot of laws out there are bullshit- safety regulations sure as fuck aren’t. I have the literal scars to prove it.

[yourkompanions]

⚠️ Prevent Workplace Hazards Before They Happen – With VR General Safety Training!

[sunflowershark]

“broken builds” this. “use the orb” that. you fools. the true best strategy to beat honour mode is to encourage safer and smarter decisions throughout your adventure by roleplaying as none other than faerun’s central authority on occupational safety and workplace accident prevention legislation

[tea-with-eleni]

I think literally everything about my museum is run on a "well it works, but it probably shouldn't, and we really ought to do something about it before it blows up in our faces" mentality.

The Electricity: The wiring was done by "a bunch of good old boys back before they had to worry about code" and the tech department has been swearing at it for years. Apparently when they first inherited the museum, they had a 1.5 million volt Tesla coil plugged into an off-the-shelf surge protector. It's a miracle nobody died. They've spent the last few months puzzling out the wiring in the offices. They still don't know what all the switches do, and I know there's about six switches in the office kitchen that just say "NO" and "DO NOT SWITCH".

The Dome: Our planetarium is literally kept running by witchcraft, and everything in it has been created by three chucklefucks who have had to teach ourselves how to code. The closest we have to an expert is probably me. I attended a hackathon on the precursor software in February 2020, mostly for the free food. We've found a bug so weird that apparently the actual experts in the software were flummoxed. The official take is "that sounds weird and bad".

The Closet: The education department has two closets. One is full of crafting supplies and was meticulously organized by our non-adhd department head back in May. The other... well... she tried. And we tried. But the rest of the department is VERY adhd, and then summer camp happened, and now it looks like the Kratt Brothers were turned loose with a much larger space. It's giving our poor department head nightmares.

The Dinosaurs: There are rather nice (if about 15 years out of date, which is to say featherless) dinosaur statues outside on the walking trails. Speakers play dinosaur noises during the day. For some reason, the speaker system is cross wired into the copy machine. If the dinosaurs aren't roaring then the copy machine doesn't work. Apparently some of the roars are courtesy of our poor tech who's been unraveling the wiring debacle.

The File System: You know how if you leave an ADHD person with access to too much information of any particular type, they'll go and become a fucking expert? Yeah, so that happened to our museum director and the museum's logs. She's told me a couple of times about some of the weird things she's found buried in the museum archives-that-we-aren't-even-supposed-to-have-because-we-aren't-that-type-of-museum with the tone of a person who is still trying to process the visceral strangeness of what they've found.

The Entrance Bridge: Yeah so apparently it's only avoided collapsing by virtue of... well, maybe witchcraft again, but also a decent amount of luck. They're actually closing for two weeks so we can fix it soon. I don't think it'll be an "all hands on deck, wear comfy clothes because somebody has to build it and it's going to be literally all departments" situation - although, you never know. Literally everyone was involved in repainting part of the office wing.

The Water Feature: We have this cannon thing that spans two floors and is great fun, because it involves launching playpen balls into a fountain. It just gets jammed a lot. You unjam it by retrieving The Broken Broom Handle from a corner, making a joke about using high tech tools, and poking around with it at an awkward angle until it's unjammed again. Probably a lesser evil, but still kinda funny.

The Ghosts: Possibly due to the amount of energy we pour into the atmosphere every day via the giant 1.5 million volt tesla coil, the museum is haunted as shit. I had someone pounding on the door of the dome earlier today. Nobody was there, except for one woman about fifteen feet away who seemed genuinely startled when I asked if anyone had knocked on the door. Weirdly, it sounded like one of those push-bar doors, even though it's a door with a turn-handle. Other ghosts have also been heard - there's one with a ring of jingly keys who draws attention to unlocked doors, for example.

The Staff: Of the staff, maybe one person? is neurotypical. Although I can't tell for sure. I think she might just be better at masking than the rest of us. The staff members on the spectrum try to point the adhd staff members in productive directions. Our department is currently looking for someone physically capable of organization and scheduling to handle the paperwork, outreach coordination, planning, and volunteer coordination. Because out of our department and the nearest adjacent department... well... the nearest adjacent department head got bored yesterday and spent a good thirty minutes melting crayons in the sun. Which distracted the other person in my department, who helped. The cardboard box of melted crayon art is now sitting in the middle of the floor. It may stay there for quite some time.

[ask-a-gotham-mortician]

Work was particularly gruesome tonight. Had to make some poor bastard who looked like he was mauled by something look presentable. I swear, I mustn't have known what shit I was getting myself into when I decided to run my business in this city. Not a damn dull moment around here. I'm having a glass of red wine and a bubble bath to help me relax.

[wigglebox]

Supernatural September - Day 3 | Spellbound

Happy Dean Winchester is Saved Day and Happy Birthday Cas!

[liumilai]

‘i was born down here and ill die down here’

[egginthepit]

Okay yeah. I’ll finally admit it. I’ve got an unhealthy obsession with Mhin. Not gonna apologize for it tho

[disarraydoodlez]

Christmas List Erased Day 22: Gingerbread Construction!

We were gonna add some more stuff to the table clutter this year, but MAN is it daunting to go back to a project and try to improve something you've already considered completed.

[rockspider556]

Instruction Pamphlet: Special Containment Protocol – Lecter & Graham

Welcome, Orderly. If you’re reading this, you were either very unlucky or deeply hated by whoever scheduled this shift. If you value your safety, your sanity, and your internal organs, read this carefully. Welcome to the worst job you’ll ever have.

SUBJECTS:

Hannibal Lecter (Subject A) – Former psychiatrist, part-time cannibal, full-time smug bastard. Will make you feel stupid in at least three languages.

Will Graham (Subject B) – Former FBI profiler, dangerously unpredictable and arguably worse than Subject A. Less likely to eat you, but not by much.

GENERAL RULES:

Never separate them: We tried separating them. Once. The hospital was a bloodbath for three days. Keeping them together is not for their benefit—it’s for ours. If they are too busy being obsessed with each other, they are too busy to turn their full attention to escaping or, worse, you. They are now kept in separate cells, facing each other.

Respect their marriage: They are married. Do not call them “friends,” “associates,” or “accomplices.” If you do, they will correct you, at length. Address Subject B as Mr. Graham-Lecter if you value your peace. Subject A will be smug about it. Accept this.

No eye contact for more than three seconds: If Subject A smiles at you, start praying. If Subject B smiles at you, you’re already dead.

Do not discuss murder, cannibalism, or therapy: You may think you’re having a normal conversation. You are not. You are being analyzed, dissected, and possibly recruited without realizing it.

Avoid metaphors: Subject A weaponizes them. Subject B drowns in them. You will get lost in a conversation and emerge three days later, having unknowingly confessed your deepest sins.

MEALTIME PROCEDURES:

Subject A receives a standard, pre-packaged, nutritionally balanced meal: No exceptions. If he makes a comment about the seasoning, ignore it.

Feed Subject B first: Not “at the same time.” Not “shortly after.” First. If Subject B does not eat first, Subject A becomes… difficult

CONVERSATIONAL RED FLAGS:

If you hear any of the following, report immediately and request backup.

"You’re not as rude as the others." (You are in danger.)

“You know, we’re not so different, you and I.” (Yes, you are. Leave.)

“Would you rather be eaten or psychologically dismantled?” (Why are you answering? Stop answering.)

“He belongs to me.” (Oh, fantastic. They’re being weird about it again.)

EMERGENCY PROTOCOLS:

If they are sitting completely still, eyes unfocused, breathing slow, DO NOT INTERFERE: They are not sedated. They are not dissociating. They are having sex. This occurs inside their memory palaces, which they have merged. Do not ask what that means. If Subject B shudders and exhales deeply, congratulations. You just witnessed the most repressed orgasm in recorded history. Give them five minutes before interacting again. DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

If Subject B starts laughing, seemingly at nothing, evacuate the area: Subject A has said something only he understands, and it is never something you want to hear.

If Subject A is humming a classical tune, especially Bach, request additional security: This is a precursor to something deeply unpleasant.

CONJUGAL VISITS:

Yes, they’re legally married. No, we don’t know how. Yes, we have to allow this. No, we don’t like it either.

Visits are allowed once a month: Any less, and Subject A starts reciting poetry in a way that makes staff cry. Any more, and Subject B becomes insufferably smug.

Surveillance technically required, but no one watches: The last person who did requested a transfer and won’t talk about it.

Post-visit: Subject A is smug, Subject B is suspiciously content, and staff report generalized dread for 24 hours.

FINAL NOTES:

You are not special.

You are not their friend.

You are not an equal participant in this narrative.

You are background noise in their endless psycho-sexual mind games.

For the love of God—if either of them ever tells you to “think about it,” DON’T.

[ew-selfish-art]

The Justice League team meeting was wrapping up on the Watchtower, all major heavy hitting heroes present and involved.

“Are there any final closing remarks?” Batman asks in his grumbling tone, tired from endless family antics and the shear length of the all-hands meeting.

“Yeah, uh, actually I have something.” Phantom speaks up. He’s normally very reclusive and rarely attends their meetings. The league is aware that his ghostly titles make him hard to pin down, and in general, he’s spoken often about not getting too involved with the affairs of the living. He’s all about balance so over-stepping is something he actively avoids.

“One of you is about to die and it’s getting really annoying to deal with. This is supposed to be an accommodating work space, so like, chill it out with the flowers.” Phantom announces.

“Is that a threat?” Batman instinctively replies, not taking kindly to the inclination that a team member is in harms way and that it’s an annoyance rather than alarming.

“What? No. Dude I can literally sense Death, and while she’s cool and all, I would just really appreciate who ever it is with Hanahaki disease confess already or manage their waste better. Im not bringing kryptonite to the tower so it’s not nice to keep finding blood blossoms in all the meeting room waste bins.” Phantom sounds frustrated but all of sudden alarm bells are blaring.

Batman is processing that Phantom has been working under duress when they literally dealt with Darkseid last week AND that someone on the tower was literally dying of a curable disease.

“Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?” Wonder Woman presses, her concern obvious to everyone in the room.

“And what? Exacerbate their disease for what’s basically a really bad allergy?” He rolls his eyes. Nobody liked that.

“An allergy wouldn’t kill you Phantom you shouldn’t trivialize-“

“Peanuts and bees kill people all the time. The issue is that it’s not my place to interfere with someone dying. Death would badger me for decades if I did. So like, can y’all sort out a way for them to get rid of the flowers? Or like, if it’s one of yall, could you just confess already? It’d be a huge bummer to work with you from the other side of the veil.”

*hero of your choice coughs up a petal*

“Uh, I mean I’m the Ghost king, want me to put in a good word for you? I can try to find Aphrodite in the Realms and see if she’ll help you out?” Phantom looks equally awkward as he is excited to help.

*pairing of your choice moves forward*

[bambiraptorx]

As I mentioned in this post (technically in its tags), GMTT! Raph will try to eat anything that fits in his mouth. He's a giant toddler what did you expect Draxum

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Yesterday, I stumbled into the oven door at work, and my right tiddy got a little bit warmer than I'd like, but it didn't get burnt.

But then I started thinking about how funny it would be if I did. Because I've already burnt that tiddy a couple years ago.

Imagine you're looking through an employee's records, and they only have two workplace injuries. But they're both "burnt right tit"

[allthecanadianpolitics]

A Nova Scotia excavation company has been fined $80,000 after a worker died when scaffolding collapsed on one of its job sites. In a decision released Wednesday, a Nova Scotia provincial court judge in Pictou, N.S., found the failure by Blaine MacLane Excavation Ltd. to ensure scaffolding was properly installed led to the 2020 death of Jeff MacDonald, a self-employed electrician. The sentence was delivered after the excavation company was earlier found guilty of an infraction under the province’s Occupational Health and Safety Act. Judge Bryna Hatt said in her decision she found the company “failed in its duty” to ensure that pins essential to the scaffolding’s stability were present at the work site.

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Tagging: @newsfromstolenland