#Wolf looks mad traumatised

[kissmyaft]

You can’t tell me Wolf wouldn’t force someone to make up like that. (Wolf definitely crawled out of Ohio and ended up In Florida in that picture)

anyway, your local Yautja memer is back on his bs.

@kazumiabi (Wolf being a rizzly bear fr)

@howlingmoonaite (TAGGING YOU TOO BECAUSE YOU’RE AMAZING psst read the tags)

[lassieposting]

God though, reluctant single dad Vesemir. Vesemir who openly dislikes children, Vesemir who leaves a kid in the woods with the remains of his dead family even though he knows there's something else out there, Vesemir who refers to baby witchers as "abandoned little tragedies", Vesemir whose response to being told he's to teach them to fence is "Am I being punished?"

And suddenly he's the last wolf left. His whole pack is dead and he's got a litter of already-mutated pups to look after that won't get taken in anywhere else. He's completely responsible for the next generation, and children need so many things. He has to learn on the fly that it's not just feeding them and clothing them and teaching them to fight. It's getting up every night for Geralt's night terrors about the Trial and the Sacking, because he's five and he doesn't know how to self-soothe and nobody else is going to do it. It's watching Lambert hurt himself and the other boys in his rages, because he's so mad at the hand life dealt him and he doesn't know how to handle it, and having to figure out how to teach him to channel his anger some other way because that kind of blind fury will get him killed. It's answering a thousand and one "But why?" questions without putting a sword through Eskel because he wants to be good and that is a quality that needs nurturing even if it's annoying as fuck.

None of this is natural to him. He's not a kid person. He's grieving, too, for everyone he ever cared for and the trust he gave his father figure who betrayed him. He's sarcastic and impatient and he fucks up badly, so many times, with these lonely, traumatised little boys. He has to learn to apologise, and forgive, and love them even though he never wanted them to be his responsibility, even though they've basically taken his life from him - the adventuring, the monster-slaying, the coin and the women and the fame - because raising brats is a 24/7/365 job that keeps him tied to Kaer Morhen. He has to learn not to resent them for a life they didn't choose. He has to learn to make them feel like part of a family, because he can't afford to have them abandon Witchering at the first opportunity.

And somehow, it works. His pups grow up, and become Witchers themselves, and he sends them out into the world and breathes a sigh of relief every time one comes back safe. Grieves as best he can whenever one doesn't. Geralt makes him a grandfather, which is not something he ever thought he'd want even with a Witcher's long lifespan, but he loves the bones of that girl. He sees Geralt trying so hard to do better by Ciri than was ever done by him - he's not sure where the hell Geralt got that from, that soft streak that training never quite beat out of him - and the other boys rally round to help him raise his lion cub as a wolf so much faster than he thought they would, and he knows he did something right. And more than that, he's somehow managed to do away with some of the stigma the generations of Witchers before him passed down. Geralt isn't afraid to be gentle with Ciri. He's kind and understanding and supportive towards her, he has to be reminded not to prioritise her wellbeing over finding Leshen!Eskel, he's calm and patient and comforting when her trauma is playing up. It's such a far cry from the completely detached, "numbers game" attitude of the generations before Vesemir, and even from Vesemir's own attitude towards recruits as a young man. He's done exactly what his mentor asked him to do. He raised better, more scrupulous Witchers. He raised better men.

idk man I just have a lot of feelings about Vesemir after NOTW okay

[kopathefox]

Im going to kill the next person i see (ft. Monster hunter stories 2 AU)

Characters are:

Kyle (as a grey-ish Corgi)

Vyffor (the purple-white-ish novabeast)

Cheval (as a stago wolf, its how I currently want to call the species i drew him as/as a spiked wolf)

Ena (as Dragoverian/as the blue-ish dragon thing)

Navirou (the Siamese cat/the felyne)

Tsukino (the grey felyne with purple clothes)

Explain time:

In my AU, Vyffor & Kyle are gays, both has crush on each other, but Kyle was the more shy one while Vyffor admitted it bluntly without any hesitation, so now they’re boyfriends, Cheval looks very not happy with this in the video, and thats NOT because he’s an homophobic, its because in the AU he’s Vyffor’s adoptive daddy & because his momma died & it really affected him it causes him to be very protective over Vyffor, his own child, and he distrusts Kyle, which is why he isn’t happy about both of them’s relationship, so basically about their relationship & how it began, in the porome/prome (i don’t remember aaah) garden arc, Kyle was very distrustful of Losi (Razewing Ratha’s nickname in the AU) so he didn’t stop arguing with Vyffor, Vyffor has never gotten this mad before, he tried to keep himself from raising his voice, but at a certain point he snapped & raised his voice at Kyle & said “Don’t you get it?! He isn’t dangerous! He did nothing and theres no reason to kill him for something he didn’t do! And even if that dumb legend about him being evil is true, I would still not kill him! He’s ALL that i have! He’s like my older brother! I have no parents, no grandparents since my grandfather died, no siblings, no family! Losi is the only one i have as family! I bet you don’t get it what is it like to live in the streets, without proper food, without a bed, without family, without friends, without proper health, Losi is the only one i got! I will NEVER kill my own brother! IM FUCKING HOMELESS & ORPHAN! If someone said your family are cursed and evil, wouldn’t you do something to protect them?!” Which caused Kyle to finally understand his situation, Vyffor wasn’t a dumb guy who was selfish & careless and didn’t care for the rest like Kyle thought, Vyffor is actually a homeless + Orphan, he was lonely, even if it sounds strange to see a monster as your family (for Kyle it sounded strange), he was also very loyal, and his situation is even worse than Kyle’s situation, Kyle’s father is badly injured, but he still has family, Vyffor has absolutely nothing, which caused him to pity Vyffor, he also felt a strange feeling, a feeling of… love? But thats too fucking early, so through their journey together, Kyle started to love Vyffor even more, to the point it got romantic, at a certain point he and Vyffor hanged out together, Kyle asked Vyffor “do you… like me?…” Vyffor said “Actually, i have a crush on you”, which dumbfounded Kyle, Kyle said “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAID SO?! I FUCKING HAD A CRUSH ON YOU THIS WHOLE SEXING TIME! I THOUGHT IT MAY BE WEIRD, AND HERE YOU ARE ADMITTING IT BLUNTLY WITH ME?!” Vyffor replied calmly “you never said so”, Kyle facepalmed, but then they became boyfriends, thats how it began, now their relationship, Kyle is usually cold & short tempered towards everyone else, just like he was with Navirou, Ena & Cheval (Tsukino is there because she’s Kyle’s Palico so she follows him around), but then when its Vyffor, he’s very soft towards him, just the perfect amount required with Vyffor, who’s literally traumatised big time, tbh, the monster hunter stories protagonist are the ones with the most tragic backstories ever, so tragic & brutal (spoilers for mhs1: the protagonist’s father is an extreme, brutal psychopath, he left his wife to die in hopes she dies with Sivan [the protagonist, she survived but her momma died] and he killed Sam’s [Sivan’s cousin] mother who was also his sister, Sam’s father is Red, so thats when the 2 stories connects, and then the psycho father of Sivan tried to kill Sivan, Sam and the entire crew/Cheval, Lilia, Avinia, and all that, but do not talk to me about the first game, i still didn’t finish it), so that’s basically the animation, showing Kyle’s relationship with Vyffor in nutshell

[xatsperesso]

Kalego must be the most angry, post Heartbreaker arc. His brother let two suspicious people enter Babyls under recommendation.

Kalego didn't really have any way to think that they would be dangerous for the kids, even Balam didn't see anything really wrong, even if he must have knew that something was wrong, and he must have shared his thoughts with his best friend.

But Kalego trusted his brother's words, why shouldn't he did it? It's his brother and they seems to have a good relationship (unlike his relaiton with his uncle). Family seems to be important for demons after all.

and then, not only one of the teachers RECOMMANDED by his big brother tried to kill EIGHT students (Sabro, more or less + thetwo first years with him + Allocer + the four first years with him) but he also tried to kidnap Iruma. It's only by chance that all of them are still safe.

because right now, Kalego has two face two possibilities.

1) his brother didn't knew. and it's a big error of judgement who could have had big consequences. And so Kalego will have one or two words to say about it. Even if Narnia didn't know, Kalego's trust into him must have been damaged. Because next time, who know what could happen? Kalego will NEVER forget or forgive that.

2) Narnia KNEW. Let one (two?) suspicious and dangerous "teachers" enter to Babyls and then he's a accomplice. And so he's potentially a traitor and Kalego must comfort him to have few words with him and have a explanation.

Nothing matters more for Kalego than his students safety. And here 8 students could have been killed (or seven + a return to origin) and Iruma could have been kidnapped. Three of his students suffered, and are likely more or less traumatised (ok 5 students with Jazz because of Mabras Sensei, and Gaomon being depressed because his true face has been seen).

Because he trusted his brother, and he trusted his brother's recommandation for Atori and Shiida without too much doubts. Balam told him that they didn't lie but that they should keep a eye on them.

He must feel betrayed. He must be angry. Because either his brother has been terribly negligent and didn't honor his position, either he's a traitor who work for the same person than Atori, the person who has attacked the school under Kalego's protection and who has hurt students.

Opera can be mad at him, but it's probably nothing compared to how much mad at himself Kalego must be to have trusted his brother without doubts and to have let that happen. and he must be so much mad at his brother, considering that he's visibly ready to BITE and has a "smile" when he says "yeah yeah i promise that i will not provoke troubles"

The watchdog became a angry papa!Wolf

Beware Narnia! Your brother is very very displeased with you!

After rereading multiple times I've come to the conclusion that kalego's relationship with his brother is vague

Very vague, that i cant comment about how it could affect kalego's feelings towards what atori did. Like their are instances that lead me to believe their relationship isn't that great, but at the same time he's talking very neutrally about him

Kalego went to his uncles help before going to his brother, and the face kalego did when he heard his brother could become one of the 13 crowns

These are signs that could have perfectly good explanation other than kalego having problems with his brother, but since there are no concrete evidence of what their relationship is like, I'll just skip kalego's brother for now until more is revealed

About the clusterfuck that could also be called the heartbreaker event.

This event wasn't made to help the students. It was made to destroy the misfits. Some teachers took that job too literally (looking at you, robin and Mabras) they themselves admitted that they were doing this event to crush their pride. teaching them a lesson was considered a bonus, but was not the main objective.

So after they've stated that, they decided that it'd be a good idea to let the newbies participate

I dont care what excuse they have. That was a recipe for disaster from the start

Oh! They were recommended by the patrol, specifically kalego's brother? How cute. I didn't know that one of the patrol's job was to train teacher and send them to babyl's school.

Can the patrol ensure that these people know the basics of teaching? That they know that these students have limits? Do these new teachers know when pushing students beyond their limits suddenly become putting students in unnecessary danger?

I think not

And on top of that, did any of the teachers even tried to see what the newbies are like in a fight? Ya know, to make sure that these teachers know what's ok and what's not?

Do you even know what those newbies abilities are? Other than shiida can kick people? Not knowing their abilities is very bad, because being surprised by their abilities in the middle of the exam sounds like a very bad idea. Their ability could be making people explode for all they know!

Oh, but of course no teacher in their right mind would use such a dangerous ability around their students

These are not teachers. These are people who are still learning to become teachers, and they're against students who are actively attacking them. They were bound to use their abilities at one point, especially since they're against the misfits

And lets say that shiida's ability is brute force. They don't know whether shiida is aware that she can't use a lot of force with everyone in the misfits. There are only 5 out of 13 students who know how to fight(excluding first years because these are first years. They shouldn't be dragged into this shit in their first month)

So, their abilities is one unknown variable, their fighting skills is another unknown variable, their moral standards is questioned by balam, and they have zero teaching experience. Pairing them, unsupervised, to the misfits, a class that is as predictable as the weather (not predictable at all) is just asking for a disaster to happen. You can't make a physical exam for students without ensuring that everything will go as planned. Not knowing anything, no matter how small could cost a students life.

And it almost did

It was very careless of them to believe that no matter what they'll be nearby and able to help. And the evidence to that are the students who almost died. The students that had to stay in the infirmary.

Kalego is mad at himself? Good. They all should be. So next time they won't make the same mistake. So next time they know not to trust the judgement of someone who's not a teacher. So next time no student's life is on the line.

Because next time they may have to deal with a student's death

I will have no sympathy towards them regarding this event until one of them at least one teacher acknowledges that what has happened was due to their own shortcomings. But until now, only opera has said that, and it wasn't his job at the time to look over the school.

And now that my feelings over the heartbreaker has been refreshed, I can confidently say: Narnia, you're on thin fucking ice

If it was revealed you're not with the six fingers, I'm roasting your ass next

[that-angry-noldo]

"Now, you may be wondering how the hell have I gotten myself into this situation," Beren said to no one, hissing through his teeth. "Alone. Hopeless. Leaving my love and by circumstance my only chance for survival far behind."

He looked over the dark burned desert and gripped his stick, or, as he called it, a glorified staff. He was running low on water. He was pretty sure it wouldn't be nearly enough to last him until Angband.

"Come on, guys," he said to no one and to everyone at once. "Cut me some slack. Give me some- benefit of doubt, huh? Am I using your fancy words right, Edrahil?"

Gods, I'm going mad, he thought, resuming walking. A few ravens cawed far in the sky.

"I'm- look, how would you say? I'm traumatised. Finrod, your cousins are filthy bastards, by the way. I'm- I'm not feeling bad, like, at all about stealing those rocks now. Shiny rocks. Cursed shiny rocks."

That, if he ever gets to Angband.

But even if he does, what's next? What would be his next step?

"They're stupid," he said, pursing his lips. "Oaths. Oaths are so damn stupid. Right, Finrod? If- if it weren't for your dumb oath, you'd still be alive. My dumb oath will resume in nothing by death. I will resume in nothing by death."

Ravens circled over his head. Beren gripped his staff.

"I don't regret leaving her behind, you know. I- I don't. If it means it's only me who has to die. And- it does! It does. She's smart. Lu's smart. She'll turn around and go home, and- forget about me. Yeah. That sounds right. That thought doesn't make me sad at all."

That's not how it works, a ghostly voice whispered. Beren laughed.

"I know. I know."

"I just- I don't want her to die. I don't-"

He stopped.

"I don't-"

His throat spasmed.

"I don't want her to die like you."

Far away, a wolf howled. Beren sucked in a breath.

"Well. That was a portion of my emotionally vulnerable thoughts for today. No, Edrahil, I'm not traumatised, I have no idea what you're talking about at all-"

[sleepy-achilles]

Hi! I have a request. I have would love to get more of Leon’s rebellious teen phase in the family of destruction. I know he and taker didn’t get along too well then, but I’m a sucker for angst 😭!

I adore Teen Leon and I'm kinda mad I don't write them as kids more. I like teen Leon more than adult Leon. Fuck adult Leon.

Also your reminder, because ik some don't read the notes, asks are now reopen and I will be answering them the same day or as soon as possible (incase I suffer writer's block)

Sweet 16

Bro went from the sweetest child in the whole world to a literal spawn of Satan when he hit 16. No? What do you mean he was traumatised and his 16th birthday incident pushed him over the edge? I would never do that to a character 👀

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Have kids they said. Kids will be the apple of your eye" Taker growls as he slams the report down onto the table. Leon tilts his freshly scarred face as he rocks his feet which are sat on said table. "Why couldn't you be like your brother?" Taker sighs. "What a complete and utter loser?" Leon asks. John glares at him. "None of that now" Shawn scolds. Leon rolls his eyes as shawn taps his feet. He lowers his feet. He's asshole to everyone but Shawn at the moment.

Taker knows why but he doesn't want to speak it, mostly for shawns mental health than anything. But a little someone has followed too much in their papas footsteps.

"I get your having a tough time at the moment, but you said you were ready for school, so what's up with the grades?" Taker asks. "Im sorry, I said I was ready to go out and about again, not do well in school. I never did. Besides I think having my grandfather slashing my face open should give me some leeway as you know it only happened four months ago" Leon snaps as he stands up. He stares taker down. "Now if you excuse me old man, me, mattie and val have plans" Leon huffs grabbing his jacket and walking to the door. "No! Because your grounded!" Taker yells. "Ha! Grounded? Fuck off!" Leon yells before the door opens and slams shut.

"I liked him better when he didn't speak" Taker mutters. Shawn slaps his arm. "You don't mean that" "If he doesn't, I do" John whispers. Both men look at him. "What, he's nicer when he can't speak. In fact he was a lot nicer before Paul turned psycho on him" John admits. "Yeah I know bud. Go get ready for bed" Shawn sighs. Taker watches as John leaves. "Hes gonna do a lot of damage." Taker warns. "I know. But we gotta be careful. It's not just trauma is natural teenage rebellion too. I know damn well you were like it and well I didn't get mine until my 30s" Shawn shrugs picking up Leon's report. "And too be honest he's not wrong. He was doing horrible in school before his 16th. He's just dropping in art and history now which I will talk to him about as I know he likes those subjects" Shawn adds. "I just want him to do well." "I know that and he will too one day. Now are you waiting up or going to bed?" "Bed" Taker mutters.

------

"Your parents are gonna kill ya" Mattie chuckles as he blows smoke towards the sky. "They are cute tho" val smiles poking her fresh tattoo. The trio got group tattoos just below their ribs. Mattie got a wolf skull with a small butterfly wearing a crown. Val got a butterfly that's pattern makes a skull, she got a small pawprint with a crown just above the butterfly's head. Leon got a skull with a massive crown on its head, the skull has a small claw mark up the side and a butterfly clinging to the other side. "Yeah but you two took it too far" Matt states. "What makes you say that?" Leon asks sitting up. "Well you both got your nipples pierced" Matt states. "Oh yeah, and when my face fully heals I'll get my nose done, some sick snakebites and then work on my ears, My ears are gonna be covered" Leon smirks.

Val chuckles and leans forward between Leon's legs. "Get your cock pierced" she smirks. "How much?" Leon tilts his head. "I know whoever wins the next match for their team picks the losers next piercing location" Matt smirks. "Deal" they all shake on it. "You know damn well Leon woulda been tatted up and pierced up if the shop didn't refuse to do more work to cover their own ass" val states. "Or the fact they are scared his father" Matt hums watches as a car races past them. "Ain't that brads car?" Leon asks sliding off the hood of Matts car. They watch as Brad and his friends climb out. "Thinkin what I'm thinking?" Mattie smirks. "Damn right, get the bats" Leon smirks as the other group walk into the mall.

-

Taker groans as the phone rings. He rolls over and lifts the phone off its holder. "Mm hello?" He mutters. "Im sorry to call you up so late taker but your son is smashing up Mr Daniels sons car up and refusing to get off the car." Officer Bode sighs. "That fucker" Taker growls sitting up, causing Shawn to wake. "Where is he?" "The mall carpark." "Ill be there now" Taker hangs up, throwing the phone back into the hold. "Whats wrong?" Shawn yawns. "Your son is destroying property. That mall was the worse thing I ever built." Taker growls standing up, grabbing a tshirt. "Want me to go?" Shawn asks. "No. I promise not to kill him" Taker mutters grabbing the trucks keys. Shawn frowns as Taker storms out. He glances down at Charlie. "Lets hope it's the last time" Shawn sighs as the dog steals takers spot. Shawn looks at him as Charlie just huffs at him.

-

Taker is going to loose his head as he pulls up and sees Leon stood on the roof of the car. He watches as Leon hits the mirror off when the cops move closer.

He slams his door. "LEON!" He yells as he walks over. Mr Daniels pulls Brad back as the man walks over. "Im so sorry Mr Daniels. I promise to pay to get this repaired" "don't be sorry dad! His son is a piece of shit!" Leon laughs. Taker looks at val and matt who are leant against the cop car. "You two involved in this?" Taker snaps. "Yessir." They both mutter looking down. Taker looks back at Leon. "Get down now" he orders. "Or what?" Leon snarls leaning against the bat. "LEON! Enough! Down now!" Taker yells. Leon huffs and walks forward until he drops down to the floor. Taker snatches the bat off Leon and throws it to the floor.

"Are you fucking crazy? Bode has every right to throw your scrawny ass in a cell" taker growls grabbing his jacket. Leon just glares at him. "What if I want him in a cell! Look at the damage!" Daniels yells. "Then we'd have to look into that file against Brad last summer." Bode states. "Dad it's fine, Mr Michaels has said they'll pay for the damage. Me and my mates are fine." Brad pleads. "What will it be?" Bode asks. "No charges. But I don't want him anywhere near my property anymore" Daniels snaps. "Of course. I'll make sure of it" Taker promises. "Thank you Mr michaels. I'll drop these two home and speak to their parents." Bode states. "Good. I'll be speaking to them tomorrow too. Now excuse us" Taker nods, pulling Leon towards the truck.

Leon jerks out of his hold. "Let me go" Leon snarls as he storms towards the truck. "Are you fucking crazy!" Taker yells as they get into the truck. Leon sucks in his cheeks as he stares out the window. "Lets go home." "What the hell are you playing at? Hmm? Be angry at me, push me, do not start terrorising the people of my valley" Taker tells him. This causes Leon to snap. "Oh but they can terrorise me?! He's been bullying me and my mates since we where kids! He harasses Valentina and he assaults me!" Leon barks. "You goto an adult! Not do this shit!" "We went to an adult! And as you heard, daddy's got money so this shit gets swept" Leon scoffs. Taker sighs and rubs his cheek as he starts the engine up. Leon turns fully towards the window.

This can't get worse.

----Posted this part before-----but yeah-----lets mix it up--

Taker had to open his big mouth.

Shawn had to leave the arena to go home. When taker found out he was going to the police station he teleported straight there.

"Why Lee. Look at you" he hears Shawn sigh. Taker steps up to the front desk where Bode is waiting. It's late after all. "Go home, ill lock up" Taker tells him. "Sure thing" Bode throws him the keys before walking out. Shawns quiet as Taker walks towards the cell. "What the fuck have you done?" Taker growls as he opens the cell and walks in. Leon stumbles back as the door slams shut. "Do I need to repeat myself?" Taker asks. "It was a fight party. Its not the first one it won't be the last." Leon admits quietly.

Taker would hate for his kids to be scared of him. But his anger towards his son is too high to care right now. "Look at me! What did you do!" Taker growls getting closer. "I took it too far. Hurt the kid" Leon mutters looking down at his bloodied knuckles. "Look at me." Taker sighs. Leon doesn't move. "Look at me!" Taker orders. Leon glances up, his lip tucked in so he can fiddle with his snakebites.

"I have been nothing but patient with you.-" "like fuck. You go in guns blazing. Yelling, slamming things. You've never been patient." Leon snaps. Taker stares at him. "Ok. Lets do it that way" Taker states walking away from him. "What? What way?" Leon asks as Taker shuts the cell and locks it. "Ill see you tomorrow when your bail is Posted. If your bail is Posted." Taker states. Both Leon and shawns eyes widen. "What? You can't leave me here!" Leon barks. "Damn right I can. Breaking cars, breaking into buildings, shoplifting and now putting kids in hospital? It's about time you sit in here and think. Sweet dreams leon" Taker snaps before he leads Shawn away

Shawn closes his eyes as his son yells and pleads for them. He knows takers right, but that's his baby boy behind those bars. Shawn opens his eyes. No. No, right now? Right now that's not his baby boy. That's a empty shell of his baby boy.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon fiddles with his lip piercing as the family eat dinner. "So how was the first day of school?" Taker asks. "I got accepted into a club!" Cassie smiles. "A nerd friendship group is not a club" Leon mutters. Cassie frowns at him. "Dont be a jerk." John mutters. "How about you Leon? Did you meet the therapist?" Shawn asks. They all agreed Leon should try speaking to the school therapist when he goes back. And boy did Leon fool them. "Yeah, slept with him and then hung out under the bleachers for an hour before I had to go back to class" Leon smirks. Taker chokes on his beer and shawns eyebrows raise as he turns from sipping his wine to downing it.

"And that's our cue to go and do your homework" John hums lowering his fork. "Yeah..." cassie nods picking up her plate.

Taker stares at Leon as the other two kids escape. "Im sorry what? Leon did he-" "God no, if anything he's more scared of me. He's hot, I'm hot, he's probably done it before tho as he didn't hesitate at all. So yeah might wanna get him checked out there Daddyo but I am not a victim" Leon huffs. "Leon you cannot sleep with an adult who's supposed to be a teacher or someone who we trust to look after you." Taker states. Leon looks at shawn. Taker copies. "Oh no, he's got me on this one. All you or I look like a hypocrite" Shawn admits. "Oh my god" Taker groans. "Yeah sorry dad, your losing this one but hey, found your mysterious predator. Again" he mutters the last part. "Did you just say again?" Taker asks. "Nope, gotta go" Leon hums standing up.

"No Leon you are g-" "grounded? Yeah we know that isn't happening, me and mattie are gonna go joy riding before grabbing Valentina to eat and watch a film" Leon chuckles before leaving.

Taker looks at shawn. "Im sorry baby but he knows too much about me. Ministry era was a weird time for us" Shawn sighs. "You slept with the school therapist?" "My history teacher. Needed a grade." Shawn admits. "What are we going to do Shawn? How far do we let this go before someone dies?" Taker asks quietly. Shawn leans back. "We get Kevin involved. We do what we did with me." Shawn admits. "Hes in the ring every week Shawn." "No, he's a sports entertainer. He needs control and patience" Shawn states. "Could work."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon is 17 when he starts training with his uncle. His violence crimes start going down, but he's not completely out yet. No, he still has some rebellion stuck in him.

------

"How's Lee doing?" Scott asks. "Hes doing good, no more fights, no more crimes. Just got that damnd attitude still" Kevin answers as he accepts a beer off taker. "Tell me about it." Taker sighs watching cassie and John play fight. "Hes definitely pushing those two away still" Taker adds. "Where is he now?" Scott asks. "Got in a fight at school, cassie saw it so shawns sorting it with the school." Taker mutters. "Thought he wasn't fighting anymore?" Goldust asks as he passes a beer to hunter. "Thats the issue. Cassie states it was scary, Leon just stood there and took it. Never fighting back once. I'm worried we might have put the wrong ideas in his head" Taker sighs. "But he fights back in the ring" goldust states. "Hes performing for the crowd then, it's different." Hunter points out.

"So now we are worried because he's no longer fighting?" Scott asks, clapping as cassie knocks John down. "Atta girl!" He calls. "No I'm worried about how his brain is working at the moment. Pushing his siblings away, allowing himself to be pushed around, obviously he's still arguing with me. I'm just waiting for him to be caught with drugs or alcohol" Taker sighs. "You don't think he's going completely down that path?" Hunter asks. "I hope not. He probably won't gain anything from it. But he's definitely spiraling" Taker admits.

"It'll be okay, I think I'm getting through to him" Kevin promises.

"I hope"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon huffs and groans as he's shoved against the old matt, his face pressed into it. "Wanna tell me why your so angry at your old man? Heard you ignored his birthday" Kevin asks as he lowers himself. Leon growls and bares his teeth at him. "Ah ah, none of that bullshit with me, you know better than that. I know you better" Kevin tuts. Leon closes his eyes. "Gonna speak to me kid or you gonna keep hitting me a bit too hard?" Kevin asks. "Uncle." Leon taps the matt. Kevin sits back and watches as Leon pulls himself up to sit.

He keeps his eyes down. Kevin takes in the scar on the boys face. It's no longer red and raw. It's healed as best as it probably will, still bothers him if it's too cold. "Whats going on up there?" Kevin asks quietly. "It was his knife." Leon whispers. Kevin raises an eyebrow. "What?" "My dad's knife. That's what Paul used to do this. It belongs to him, it sits in his office in a case." Leon explains looking at Kevin. Kevin spots the watery look in his eyes. "Ah kid, I get what that looks like but your father would never want to hurt you" Kevin sighs. "You don't understand. You didn't experience Ministry like we did. Like I did. I'm the chosen one. No one experienced it like I did" Leon whispers hugging his knees.

"Ministry and your dad are two different people" "I know that! I get that! But looking at the face of the man who terrorises you is never easy" Leon snaps standing up. "Your dad terrorises you?" Kevin asks noting the lack of past tense. "No. Not now." Leon lies. Ministry is stood around him as he speaks. Taker? Taker would never harm Leon. But Ministry? Ministry haunts him like a ghost.

"Are we done? I'd like to go home." Leon asks. "Yeah, same time Thursday?" Kevin asks. "Ill be there" he nods before climbing out. Kevin hums to himself. Well now this is something. Leon is still a scared little boy, and Kevin doesn't blame him.

---

Taker watches Leon as he searches for something. "Looking for something?" Taker asks. Leon sighs and closes the draw. "Can you just back off?" Leon snaps looking at him. "I wanna talk about what happened." "So Kevin told you what I told him? Cool. I don't want to talk" Leon states. "Leon...I'm worried." "I don't care! I really don't fucking care! I've stopped my crimes! I've stopped fighting! I've got my grades leveled and you still breathe down my fucking neck!" Leon yells. "Because I care! You are on a spiraling road and I want to help!" Taker snaps back. Leon taps his fingers against the cabinet.

"You don't want this Leon. I know that." "You don't know what I want." Leon mutters, keeping his eyes on the floor. "Youll never know." Leon sighs pushing away from the unit. Taker watches him as he walks out. "One day we will be fixed. I promise." Taker sighs.

-

Leon tilts his head down as he blows smoke out.

Shawn sits next to him. "Gonna have ago at me?" Leon mutters. "No. Glad your smoking outside instead of in the house" Shawn shrugs. "Smoke reminds dad of the house fire." Leon points out. Shawn looks at him shocked. Maybe they all had it wrong.

"Yeah, it does. That's nice of you Lee." Shawn nods. "Im an asshole, not a monster. He doesn't deserve that...he doesn't deserve any of this" Leon mutters rubbing his cheek. "But your angry at the world and need someone strong enough to handle it, because you cannot and no one deserve to suffer" Shawn hums. Leon looks at him. "Yeah...how.." "I did the samething. I was suffering and didn't want anyone to know. So I turned it into anger and your father and uncle hunter suffered the brute of it." Shawn admits. "Guess we are alike" Leon huffs looking at the sky. "Yeah and I'll always be sorry for that." Shawn mutters.

"No one's telling you not to be a rebellious teen, it's part of growing up. We just want you to be happy again." Shawn tells him. "I know. And I'm trying. We've all cut the violence and petty crimes out. Payed for stuff stolen. Repaired things we broke. Replaced broken things. I'm just...lost still." Leon explains. "And that's okay. Your young, one day you'll find yourself and this will all make sense." Shawn promises. "Yeah? You promise?" "I promise. Now your dad will be home soon, what shall we have for dinner?" Shawn asks. "Let me buy you all a pizza, to say sorry" Leon offers. "Sure. A pizza will easily win cassie and John back but also show dad your trying" "Oh I've already won cassie back, brought her that bike she wanted" Leon smiles. "Well thanks, don't know what to get her for Christmas now" Shawn huffs. "Oh please she could give you a list a mile long" Leon laughs.

Shawn smiles. A sound he hasn't heard in ages. "I love you Lee." "Love you too".

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon didn't find himself until he was 24. He still had slip ups with violence and his anger but it wasn't bad. He wasn't teenage rebellion anymore once he hit 18, he was just a rebel.

He came to accept the truth of what happened. He became a brat but a brat people actually liked being around. He's still an asshole. But he knows when to quit.

Him and taker still fight, of course they do, they have strong opinions and are similar enough in the sense they'd clash over a spoon and a spork. But they love each other and they'll always have each others back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------Notes

I'm so sorry 😞 Its 12am. So I'm pretty tired whilst writing this but I know you wanted angst which led me off Leon's rebellious activities so I hope that's okay. I also wanted to make sure I didn't repeat myself fic wise, which I obviously started to so but changed the scene up a bit.

I really like teen Leon's character. But old Leon and child Leon have a soft spot in my heart. Especially with both out there fighting bad guys and child Leon killing one whilst teen Leon was just out here being a literal criminal.

I do want to write more of the kids being, well kids, Leon was such a ball of sunshine. He went from sunshine to moon to now being eclipse. And well John and cassie have always been sunshine.

I will gladly do a fic focusing on Leon's actual rebellious activities if that's what people want.

Maybe one day we will find out who got the gential piercing 😅🤣

[lonelyboxpet]

little wolf

chapter eight: please don't leave me

cw: non-human whumpee, monster whumpee, aftermath of self-harm, fear of abandonment, fear of punishment, biting, implied wing whump, misunderstanding, being falsely accused ig?

tagging: @whumpthisway @carolinethedragon @thehurtsandthecomfurts @oracle-of-maybe @cupcakes-and-pain @whumpzone @shiningstarofwinterfun @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight

,,Hey little one, I'm back! Sidi texted me they had to leave earlier, hope you did alright-... What the fuck?!"

Pet whimpered desperately, hiding behind the couch, bracing itself for the inevitable punishment, shaking in terror.

Javier took another step inside the apartment, breathing out in shock. His eyes shot across the mess, the opened cupboard, pieces of mugs shattered all across the floor and then to the wing, peeking out from behind the couch. He approached it, his steps being loud and quick, and he saw the creature curl up even more.

,,Little- Little one, what- what did you do?" he asked in disbelief.

Pet whined, shaking uncontrollably, with terror in its eyes. Javier noticed the bloody marks in its fur and crouched next to it. Pet flinched and pulled away, but he swept apart its fur and saw the bite marks on its back and sides. He breathed in through his nose, taking a moment. Pet looked at him, trying to figure out his reaction. He slowly reached out for its wing, also bloodied and covered in bites, held in an awkward position. Pet pressed its ears to its neck, covering its head with its paws.

,,Hey, little one, look at me."

Pet slowly obeyed, with tears glistening in its eyes.

,,I need you to speak," he said, not angrily, but firmly. ,,And I want you to tell me why you did this."

Pet squirmed, glancing to the side nervously. Javier reached for its head, taking it into both his hands, and Pet froze, forced to look at him.

,,Talk."

,,... I- I … P- Pl- Please…."

,,Take a deep breath, little one," he ordered softly, looking firmly into its eyes. ,,Take your time. But I want to know."

Pet was shaking uncontrollably. It knew Master will punish it, well, that would be the better case. He'll throw it out, and get rid of it, just like the Old Master did-

,,P- Please," it croaked out in a broken voice, ,,Pl- Please don't- don't- don't leave me."

Javier breathed out when it clicked to him. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and closed his eyes for a second.

Of course. It was too soon to leave the poor thing alone. It probably thought he left it, especially when it stayed in the apartment alone after Sidi and Jacob had to leave sooner. He knew that all sorts of animals do this kind of stuff when they get separated, and this one was traumatised as a bonus. He should've thought of it.

,,Look I'm sorry, little one," he signed, slowly running his fingers through Pet's fur, carefully avoiding the bites. ,,I shouldn't have left you alone. It was too soon. I understand that you got upset, okay, but this can't happen again. You can't just- you can't just break my shit, alright? Damn, I really liked those mugs. And you can't- fuck, these look painful, how damn deep are they? Look, you- don't hurt yourself like this again, alright? There's blood on the floor too... Well, nevermind. I'm not that mad at you, 'kay? Just… God. Let's take care of those bites, and your wing seems to be hurt."

Pet was… perplexed. In Master's eyes, it fucked up, and it damaged his property, and made a mess, and still, he… wasn't angry at it? Is he not gonna punish it?

He nodded and got up, heading to the bathroom, with Pet at his heels. It was limping slightly, the cuts on its paws stinging with every step.

Javier reached into the cupboard and took out a disinfection and some wipes. Pet's scared eyes followed his every move.

He crouched next to it and took one of its wings into his hands, but when he did, Pet shivered, a soft whine of pain escaping its mouth.

,,It's okay," he assured it softly. ,,I'm just gonna clean it out. It might sting a little, though."

He padded the wipe with disinfection on one of the bites, carefully cleaning it. Pet flinched at first, but it held still as he worked. He moved on onto its side, where the bites weren't as deep.

,,Good. Are you hurt somewhere else?"

Pet didn't move, its eyes glanced at its paws for a second. Javier extended a hand.

,,Paw?"

Pet automatically obeyed, softly laying one of its paws into his palm, its claws carefully hidden. Javier carefully took a look and saw it was cut up from the shards.

,,'Kay. Let's clean them too."

Cleaning the paws was a bit more difficult, but he managed pretty well. Pet didn't make a sound, shivering every time he moved, waiting to be hurt, but he just moved even slower to not startle it and started to softly hum a melody that was stuck in his head. Pet remained anxious despite all his efforts to calm it down, visibly uncomfortable - and it wasn't hard to figure out why. It was waiting for its punishment. Javier decided to get this out of the way.

,,Alright. Now, I know that you're sorry, but I think I need to make sure this won't happen again. What do you think?" he asked, using a light tone of voice.

Pet trembled, but answered immediately. ,,I- I'll take any- any p- punishment, Master."

,,Good," he replied and got up from the bathroom floor. ,,Now follow me."

Pet obeyed without a second thought, sheepishly following his steps like a shadow, shivering in anticipation. Javier walked across the living room, avoiding the shards. ,,Be careful, don't cut up your paws again."

He walked to the kitchen counter and waited for Pet. It quickly scurried to his feet, lowering itself immediately.

,,Now," he said, ,,fetch that dustpan for me."

Pet looked surprised, but quickly followed his commands. Javier extended a hand and Pet pressed the item into it carefully.

,,Good. Now the broom."

Pet did so. Javier nodded in satisfaction.

,,Great. Now, I'll sweep the floor and you'll hold the dustpan for me, okay? I think that's a fair punishment, to clean up the mess you made."

Pet was startled. That… That was it? This was wrong. No. It had to suffer to learn its lesson, it needed to feel pain, to fix its mistakes-

But it was not allowed to question its Master. It watched, perplexed, as Javier started to sweep the shards on a pile.

,,Come here," he asked. Pet quickly brought the dustpan over, holding it in place as he ordered, and Master swept the pile on.

,,Good. Now the other one."

The room was soon clear, but Master decided to wash the floor too, just in case. Pet waited on the side as he finished the cleaning with a hummed melody on his lips. He put the broom away and then went to examine if there we're any cups left. He sighed and shook his head.

,,Oh well. Guess I'll have to improvise."

Pet watched nervously when he turned the electric kettle on, but it seemed like the boiling water wasn't meant for it. Javier put a tea bag into a bowl he usually used for making ramen and sighed. ,,You'll go shopping with me the next time i go. I'll buy some new cups."

Pet didn't dare to answer. It watched as Master made his tea and wondered if it'll be left alone with Sidi and Jacob again. It shivered in fear just at the thought of it. What will they do next time? Why? How much damage will they cause until Master finally snaps and decides that Pet doesn't deserve to live here?

Master's voice snapped it out of the spiral of catastrophic thoughts. ,,Now, little one," he smiled softly and scratched Pet's ear, ,,you wanna watch a movie with me?"

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Quest

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Keep in mind I’m writing this months after finishing the book lol (it’s mental illness innit). I have LOTS of notes to go off but yeah, things aren’t as fresh in my mind overall. With that said the biggest difference I can think of between my first and second experience with AQ is my feelings towards Kettricken. I think the first time around reading you know that Fitz is an unreliable narrator but you are still limited by his viewpoint so you can get a bit trapped seeing things the way he does. For this reason, I think I pretty much just forgave Kettricken when he did on my first read, whereas on this read I was like……. Waiting for her to actually apologise and show some sympathy towards Fitz and it just…. Never happened.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I still love Kettricken as a character and I fully recognise that she has been traumatised. I don’t expect her to be nice or act rationally, and in the case of being willing to take Nettle for the crown… It’s cold but she’s doing what she feels she has to. My issue is - do what you have to, but don’t expect Fitz to understand or forgive you (same with Starling). But I think what bothered me the most was how Kettricken would constantly confide in Fitz and break down to him and he was always there to let her do so, yet she NEVER gives Fitz the chance to do the same. The one time he does “open up” in a sense is when she forces him to air out his traumas in front of everyone, and she didn’t show him any sympathy for what he’d been through then or later. She has been through hell, absolutely, but while her plight may not have been any better than Fitz’s it certainly wasn’t any worse. She pretty much had two modes in this book: completely cold or a crying wreck - but she was only ever crying for herself. She lets Fitz console her but she never consoles him. Again, this is a result of her own trauma and I don’t expect her to act any differently, but it just reaffirmed for me that while she and Fitz care for each other deeply it is not an equal relationship. Fitz feels an obligation to serve her and she - knowingly or not - takes advantage of that. Like, after realising that this is their dynamic it is so obvious that the same is true in Royal Assassin as well, and it will be interesting to see how it changes (or doesn’t) in Tawny Man as I don’t remember it well enough to say.

Must reiterate: Kettricken is still a great character and I still have a lot of respect for her, unfortunately she just falls into the overfull camp of people who love Fitz but have an unhealthy power dynamic with him.

The other big difference I noticed was that the Verity stuff just wasn’t as devastating this time. Not because it was any less sad but it just didn’t tear out my heart like it did the first time. That’s not a fault with the writing at all, I think it’s just the fact that, knowing what would happen to Verity and that we wouldn’t see the real Verity again, I kind of already let go of him at the end of Royal Assassin.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

I guess more of a misinterpretation/wishful thinking but like, realising that there is no passage explicitly stating that Fitz and the Fool were actually spooning in the mountains murdered me and spat on my corpse.

Oh also!!! Fitz yeeting himself out the window at Tradeford castle jskaskjf

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

I love Kettle in general and the way we’re introduced to her as a cranky old lady sets her up perfectly

Favourite character arcs

Man they’re all so fucking sad lol but I guess the Fool? He goes from thinking Fitz is dead and his purpose failed to reuniting with Fitz, their relationship growing into something really real for the first time, and actually completing his mission - at least for now lol. This book is really the first time you get to see the Fool be properly vulnerable. Even when he was getting beaten up by Regal’s guards he always had his veneer of snark and superiority to hide behind - and I doubt when he went through his sicknesses at Buckkeep he would have revealed his weakness to anyone in order to be helped. But in the mountains he lets so much of that facade of the King’s Fool fall away - at least when it’s just him and Fitz. When he and Fitz meet again he lets Fitz see his grief and pain and hopelessness and joy as the Fool looks after Fitz, and then later when it’s the Fool who needs looking after he lets Fitz look after him. When was the last time the Fool had anyone really care for him like that, ya know? Had someone protect him purely out of love? Ouch dude!!!!

Also he gets to kiss Fitz at the end so good for him!!!!!!!!!! Be gay ride dragons!!

Favourite quote/s

“I would kill Regal. It only seemed fair. He had killed me first.”

“I had looked into the heart of my enemy. I still could not comprehend him.”

“The more I drank, the less tolerable my situation seemed. And the more intolerable I became to my friends.”

“I had never thought to be disdained by a tree.”

“The Fool, the Fool, only the Fool. I sought for him. I almost found him. Oh, he was passing strange, and surpassing strange. He darted and eluded me, like a bright gold carp in a weedy pool, like the motes that dance before one’s eyes after being dazzled by the sun. As well to clutch at the moon’s reflection in a still midnight pond as to seek a grip on that bright mind. I knew his beauty and his power in the briefest flashes of insight. In a moment I understood and marvelled at all that he was, and in the next I had forgotten that understanding.”

“When you can either laugh or cry, you might as well laugh.” - the Fool

Favourite relationships

Fitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolbahslbghabfhalgngjba 

Also fitz and nighteyes (speaking of which, Nighteyes’ arc in this book is also fascinating and surprisingly complex) and Fitz/Nighteyes/Fool mwah magnifico chef’s kiss

Favourite setting

Kelsingra baybeyyy. I remember the first time reading this having no fucking clue what was happening in that chapter but I guess it was the gay agenda all along

Favourite chapter

It’s gotta be the chapter where Fitz and the Fool reunite, right? Catch me just gradually losing my grip on reality with every lingering stare 

Most loved character

Foooooooooool

Most hated character

Ya know, for a minute I was actually wondering if I would like Starling this time round but yeah no lol. She was actually okay for a while but as soon as she sold Fitz/Nettle out she became The Worst, just as I remembered her. It’s not even because she betrays Fitz but because, like Kettricken, she expects Fitz to forgive her for it, to the point of running to tattle to the queen because Fitz isn’t giving her enough attention (I’m also not impressed with Kettricken for actually getting involved instead of just telling her to grow up). Not to mention her constantly misgendering/gendering (??) the Fool or just assuming the Fool’s gender and loudly fucking proclaiming it to everybody is just truly fucking disgusting. Like I cannot even explain how furious I was reading her incessantly using she/her pronouns for the Fool despite no confirmation that her theory is right or that the Fool is comfortable with this and despite EVERYONE ELSE using he/him pronouns. God I’m mad now lol. She just acts like a spoilt brat and it makes my blood boil. But that’s probably because I have known many people like this so… Good character writing lol congrats

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

The whole first chapter/s are just so heavy and carry on that gut wrenching feeling from the end of Royal Assassin. Fitz just has no real desire to live and watching him systematically severing the last few ties he has to his human life is just so sad.

Even though I wasn’t as attached to Verity this time, his goodbye to Fitz still made me cry

As did Fitz giving Kettle her skill back

Verity using Fitz’s body to have sex with Kettricken really got to me this time, mostly because I either didn’t notice the first time or had forgotten just how much it affects Fitz. It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to acknowledge Dutiful as his son when the event that brought that fact into being was so fucked up and traumatic. It’s really upsetting.

Burrich saying he almost took Fitz to Chivalry and he should have never let the Farseers take Fitz just …… breaks my heart. Just seeing Burrich so raw like that in general is so unusual it really takes you aback.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Strap in lads this part is lonnnngggggggg

Is it bad to immediately want to cry just from seeing “Sandsedge” on the map and thinking of Sandsedge brandy

I never really thought about how poor Hap didn’t get the real Fitz all those years and how their relationship could have been if Fitz hadn’t been partially forged

Pls I have no idea why but to picture someone as emotionally repressed as Fitz actually sitting down and writing about his life makes me want to fucking cryyyyeeeee

Fitz in the prologue talks about needing a purpose as something to distract himself from sinking [into his chronic pain, mental illness and addiction] and boy howdy if that ain’t relatable. As someone with mental illness and chronic pain Fitz is just painfully relatable way too often.

“I have never forgiven myself the triumph I ceded him when I took poison and died.” Fitz :(((( my guy :((((((( forgive yourself for surviving however you could baby!!!!!

This book mentions Bingtown providing slaves to Chalced

It’s so funny to me when people expect Fitz to have social skills as if he didn’t literally live as a fucking wolf for weeks at a time. It’s a miracle he bloody speaks

The state Fitz is in at the beginning of this book was literally Burrich’s greatest fear for him, yet Burrich doesn’t just say I told you so and leave. He stays, is patient and even optimistic.

“He (Burrich) is not bigger than I.” Why does this feel so wrong lol??? I just can’t picture Fitz as bigger than Burrich

“When you were younger and not supposed to go into taverns without me…” So it’s fine if the child goes into taverns and gets drunk as long as you’re also there. Got it, Burrich.

Fitz calling Chade “the grey one” wow get rekd old man river

Seeing Chade and Burrich interact is so bizarre

Fitz is still having seizures at the beginning of this book! I had forgotten that

God okay so idk if I can articulate this point super well but the whole thing of Fitz going through this extensive abuse and then essentially becoming an animal feels like a metaphor for the way your brain’s “higher” needs and functions just shut off sometimes under certain levels of stress. Like in order to cope with the trauma you don’t think about concepts, or long-term goals, or other people. You just take care of your basic needs - food, sleep, shelter, water - long enough that you start to feel safe and secure again, at which point your brain can open up a bit more and allow you to really think again; to want again, to plan again etc. Like obviously literally becoming an animal is a heightened version of reality, but the functionality of it is the same; our wounds and our fear stop us from fully embodying ourselves.

Burrich be like, Fitz was getting way too dependent on drugs before all this so let’s steer clear of those. :) LET’S GET HIM ABSOLUTELY SHITFACED INSTEAD

I  love how Fitz has his own unique relationship with Lacey and she’s not just Patience’s servant in his mind

Fitz talking about how even his memories from before his time in the dungeons are soiled by his trauma :( baby boy

Dude it’s so rich Chade lecturing Fitz about not making a life for himself, having friends or just chilling out like???? WHO TRAINED HIM TO BE AN ASSASSIN CHADE?? Like I get your point but what the hell kind of life did you think he was gonna have? Who ever took the time to teach him the importance of making connections with people for their own sake, and when would he have ever had the time anyway? I think Chade himself doesn’t actually know what he expects from Fitz.

Fitz saying he’s bad at making decisions because he’s never actually been allowed to make any is literally a point I’ve made lol. This is what happens when you teach teenagers how to murder in lieu of any basic life skills.

Burrich + Chiv were luv at first sight. No I will not elaborate.

“We kept you a boy, looked after you too much.” Huh??????? Fitz was never fucking sheltered lol. He didn’t have autonomy. There’s a difference.

I’m so fucking glad Fitz hugged Burrich before he left and that they actually left off on okay-ish terms. I didn’t remember that and it vaguely dulls the blow of knowing we don’t see Burrich again til Fool’s Fate (and that he thinks Fitz is dead the entire time between now and then).

“If I shaved my hair back from my brow” bitch disgusting

“Honey was the older of the two women. Perhaps my age.” jskfjnajgbl my guy those aren’t women then those are children!!!!!! U freak

I was wondering for ages why Fitz doesn’t mention the Fool like literally at all bc that’s so unusual right? Even in Assassin’s Apprentice he thinks of him when he goes to Moonseye and just in general the Fool usually enters Fitz’s thoughts pretty frequently. So why now, when Fitz doesn’t even know if the Fool is okay, is he just not thinking about him? And then I realised that that is exactly why. Because the only two people from his old life he doesn’t think about are the two people whose fates he knows nothing of: Kettricken and the Fool. So he can let his mind wander to think what Patience and Lacey might be up to at Buckkeep, or who Molly is with or whatever, because he knows they are all safe. But in such a fragile state I don’t think he can bring himself to really wonder whether Kettricken and the Fool made it to their destination - he probably doesn’t really believe they could have, and that is far too painful a road to go down when you are trying not to think at all.

I know the first act of this book is slow and that bothers some people, but I think it is so necessary, not only for Fitz’s arc but also because it really demonstrates just how severe the situation has gotten with the red ships and forged ones AND it shows just how destructive a king Regal is. Without this perspective it would probably be much harder to buy that the extreme measures taken at the end of the book are really worth the sacrifice.

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit A: when Honey is coming onto him, all he can think about is Molly.

Fitz is so scared of the Forged ones :( his trauma affects everything. He has no faith in himself and less heart for the violence than ever.

Speaking of trauma metaphors: the way Fitz tends to drift off into the wit or Skill after a traumatic experience is… pretty much just dissociation but magique

I forgot that witted folk can apparently communicate with each other mentally, not just with animals

“Her head was the size of a bushel basket.” Ah, yes, a bushel basket, a thing whose size we are all intimately familiar with.

Fitz finally finds others like him and even then he is not fully accepted. Told he is doing the wit wrong. Othered by the Others. It’s the queer experience innit.

Also forgot that apparently the forged are attracted to the wit as well as the Skill?

“I wondered if I had as many wolf mannerisms as they had halk and bear.” Yeah no probably not you only bloody LIVED as a wolf, Fitz.

Okay I know it doesn’t need saying but Patience is just so fucking cool!!!!!

Jesus fucking christ, Fitz skilling out to Molly when he knows Will knows he’s alive and is looking for him is just… so dumb. So so dumb. I know he’s just fixating on her because he’s miserable and she’s like this unsullied thing he had before everything went wrong but holy moly is it frustrating 

Not to mention he doesn’t connect the dots between the fact that Burrich went to “help a friend” and every time he reaches out for Molly he sees Burrich sajkdbshkhja dude

Nighteyes leaving just goes to show that Fitz cannot rely solely on Nighteyes for companionship. No matter how innately the same they are they are equally as innately different. Fitz needs Nighteyes but he shouldn’t have JUST Nighteyes (which is why he, Nighteyes and the Fool are the holy trinity). When Nighteyes leaves, Fitz is in way too fragile a state to be left alone, but Nighteyes cannot think of the future or what might happen. All he knows is he’ll be back at some point and that’s all that matters.

“My anger fed my competence” whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie

I think I had blocked out the fact the Regal was keeping animals trapped in filthy cages so they could ravage people in the king’s circle uggggghhhhhhhhh I hate him

Fitz is down on himself saying that without Shrewd’s largesse, Chade’s information and Verity’s protection his idea of himself has been stripped away and that he’s not actually competent etc. but like. This is an extreme situation!! You’re literally alone in the wilderness with nothing and no one!! Who would thrive in this situation? And nobody gets by without help anyway! The people in our lives do define us to an extent. You don’t have to be able to stand 100% on your own at all times with zero resources to be considered capable. It’s human to depend on others. Yes I am chiding myself as much as Fitz here :))))

Burrich’s earring is the repressed gay earring. No I will not elaborate.

Fitz refusing to sell Burrich’s earring is frustrating yet something I would 100% do lol

Direct from my notes: Celery hiding out in caves?? Bad bitch

“I felt I was within the flames looking deeply into the Fool’s eyes” um okay gay

It’s actually surprising that Fitz admits he would not have gone after Molly even if he had known she was pregnant when she left. On one hand so self aware yet this doesn’t stop him from completely idealising their relationship.

And then you have Molly who says he was supposed to come after her “so she could forgive him”, that he was supposed to be the one to light the candles for her childbirth etc. The fact that she in any way thought he was mature enough to be a father just shows how little they really knew each other.

Burrich treating Molly like a horse while delivering Nettle is way funnier than it has a right to be jskakjasd makes me think of Dwight treating Phyllis’ back injury in The Office lol

The first thing Burrich notices about Nettle is that she has Chivalry’s brow are you fucking kidding me. Gay!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit B: He had no interest in Tassin whatsoever until she literally started kissing him. At this point his body reacted, which is normal, but as soon as he got a second to actually think about it he stopped, because for him it would not be satisfying to sleep with someone he didn’t have feelings for.

“It seemed to take years for the dried beans and lentils to soften.” Okay mood

I love how Fitz just assumes Molly will take him back. “I have a woman and child awaiting me.” Says who bitch?

Small ferret? More like big legend

Ya know, we give Fitz so much shit but honestly with so much physical, mental and emotional stress on this journey how can we expect his mental faculties to be at 100%? I wouldn’t be making good decisions either, in fact I would be long dead.

Starling telling Nik that the earring once belonged to Chivalry is truly a smooth brain move

“Do not fear, little brother, I am here to take care of you again.” Words can’t explain how much I love Nighteyes and how often his dialogue makes me smile :’)

It’s so cute how Nighteyes is worried about Molly and Nettle until he knows that Burrich is taking care of them

It’s really interesting when Fitz claims “I’d rather be with Molly even if it meant rocking a crying baby in the middle of the night” because, well, he’s literally made other claims to the contrary, saying he wouldn’t have gone with her even if he’d known she was pregnant. Because at the end of the day as much as Fitz is compelled by others to do work for the greater good, I think deep down a lot of the time it is what he would do anyway. Like I really don’t think he could actually enjoy being with Molly knowing that the world is burning down around them. He would want to get out there and help somehow; not only to secure their own future but to reduce other people’s suffering as well. He’s an empathetic boy even though he’d like to be selfish.

Every time Fitz calls Molly his wife I lose ten years off my life

Again, I understand why he’s thinking like this, but Fitz’s ownership of Molly is just so uncomfortable. The fact that he can’t imagine her not having a place ready and waiting for him in her life when he returns just illustrates that she is not a fully realised person to him. She is just a comforting idea.

Oh yes, it was definitely Starling’s “pillowtalk” that got you captured and not the fact that you fit the exact description of the witted bastard right down to having Chivalry’s earring and a whole ass wolf

Somehow forgot that Jhaampe is basically a city of tents with only a few permanent buildings and people constantly coming and going

Fitz’s first words to the Fool are “I’ve come to you.” I’m gonna fucking die

Literally every single word from the moment Fitz realises it’s the Fool and starts describing him is a full body assault and personal attack I am seeking reparations

God the tenderness, the angst, the relief……… shall i pass away

“I doubted he was much taller, but his body was no longer a child’s.” My dude this is a gay awakening if I ever saw one

Fitz be like *spends 87 pages describing the Fool in painstaking detail* anyway I love being a heterosexual male

I’ve heard ppl cite Fitz’s descriptions of Kettricken as evidence of a crush (hard disagree) but literally nothingggggg even comes close to the way he describes the Fool. Not just this once but over and over again it’s insane.

“Talk fell off between us. The bottle of brandy was empty. We were reduced to silence, staring at one another drunkenly.” skjakfnajghajgnaLNGJ is it gay to silently gaze into thine homie’s eyes

The Fool protecting Fitz from everyone - especially Starling - in Jhaampe is often hilarious and always heartwarming

Realising Fitz was skinny enough for the Fool to lift on his own ahhh no wonder he said the famous “When I recall how beautiful you were” line, Fitz is a total wreck

I love that the Fool actually gives Chade shit for his plan to take Nettle. I love him.

“Too few folk cared for me. I could not hate a single one of them.” Oh, Fitz :(

I always wonder how the Fool really feels about Molly. Is he jealous? Does he compare himself to this woman Fitz idolises and he doesn’t know? Does he know that Fitz is barking up the wrong tree or is he stuck thinking Molly must really be Fitz’s soulmate since he won’t shut up about how much he loves her and can’t wait to get back to her? He just never really lets on how it makes him feel when Fitz has relationships with women. We know Fitz gets jealous of the Fool (for litch rally like no reason lol), so with the Fool being much more honest with himself/in general about his love for Fitz and having much more legitimate reason to be jealous, is he? Or is it just something he’s made his peace with, that these women give Fitz something that he cannot? Is he okay with that cos he has to be or does he have a different, less monogamous view of love and relationships (he does have three parents after all). I dunnoooo dude I just have so many questions. Like obviously - OBVIOUSLY - if Fitz and the Fool didn’t have romantic feelings for each other before, there is no doubting that romantic feelings appeared the moment Fitz appeared in the Fool’s hut. Fitz won’t admit that but mere chapters later the Fool is talking about how he loves Fitz in every way so like. He knows. So how does he feel when Fitz is calling out for Molly in his sleep, or openly speaking of seeking her out when all this is over, and lying to the Fool to protect Molly and his daughter. Really makes u think!!!!

Fitz reuniting with Sooty and going to see her every day in Jhaampe is so cuuuute and made me so happy. Sooty is a good girl :’)

Fitz be like *leans against the table where the Fool is carving and watches his fingers at work like a true repressed gay*

Verity is literally so strong???? He submerged himself in skill and was able to pull himself back from the stream can u imagine? Go off king!

Bro I literally can’t with the Fool mentioning Jofron so casually and Fitz immediately thinking wow oh my god they’re definitely fucking oh my god the Fool has a girlfriend - Fitz sweetie calm down

I love how Fitz and the Fool just naturally walk together :))) and Nighteyes babysitting Kettle is so cute

Molly never once says that she misses Fitz. She says she always expected him to do the right thing, to come after her and not leave her alone with a child. But she doesn’t look back on their time together fondly or have much positive to say about him as a person. And all that is fair, but it’s also just… Not really the behaviour of someone who’s been separated from their soulmate. It’s more just someone who’s been left in a shitty position by someone they cared about but hardly knew.

Fitz asking the Fool what is between him and Starling when they’re literally just being civil is sooooo fucking funny. Not everyone finds the Fool as irresistible as you do, Fitz.

The Fool just casually finding a pretext to call Fitz the light of his life

Fitz telling Kettricken firmly that he will not travel if the Fool is ill is one of the only times he ever puts his foot down with her GEE I WONDER WHY

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again…… there really do be something about the way Fitz can’t meet the Fool’s eyes………. It’s not like they’re weird and colourless anymore like they used to be!!!

The Fool already talking about Clerres in this book!

Fitz and the Fool and Nighteyes playing in the stream is too fucking pure omg, it’s what they deserve

And then Starling has to bloody ruin it bc she’s homophobique

But seriously, Fitz actually lets go for the first time in ages and has a nice evening only for Starling to go tattling to Kettricken, and Kettricken having the gall to confront Fitz about it. And then Fitz solves the problem by saying he doesn’t disdain her when like!! He has every right to!!!! She sold him out, sold his daughter out. She never even apologised but instead has just been totally petty and self-righteous and stirring up trouble amongst the group. She hasn’t earned or even asked for his forgiveness. So fitting that she’s the one constantly judging Fitz for his relationship with Lord Golden in Tawny Man lol, she just cannot let Fitz and the Fool be the queer icons they are!!!

Verrrrrrrrrrry interesting that Fitz only “suddenly missed the human warmth and comfort” of Starling taking his arm or sleeping against him literally IMMEDIATELY after the plumbing and love confrontation with the Fool. I mean he has been doing all of those things with the Fool (sleeping together, walking arm in arm etc.) so it’s not about human touch at all, it’s about convincing himself that a WOMAN’S touch is somehow inherently different.

He does the same thing with Starling as with Kettricken. She technically apologises but it’s not sincere and that’s not why he forgives her. Same as Kettricken, she tells her sob story and he can’t hold onto his anger. It makes sense, but it’s just very toxic. It would be nice if at least one person would really recognise how much they’ve hurt Fitz and really, genuinely want to atone for it, or apologise without expecting forgiveness. The onus should not be on Fitz to forgive Starling but on Starling to grow up and not need Fitz to like her in order to remain civil and do what they have to. Also “I do not find your wit bond offensive” has the same energy as someone telling you out of nowhere like “It’s fine that you’re gay :)” like wow thank u?? lol

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit C: “I wanted her with a desperation that had nothing to do with love, and even, I believe, little to do with lust.”

“By his love he is betrayed, and his love betrayed also.” So fate agrees with me, Fitz and the Fool are in love? :)

Anytime the potential that Fitz might have to choose between Molly and Nighteyes I lose brain cells. That’s ur brother Fitz!!! It’s not even a choice!! How dare u

It’s just sooooo intentionally laid out for us in this book that Fitz’s relationship with Molly really wasn’t good or healthy and that his fixation on it is misguided, and I think that’s why I struggled sooooo hard with the ending of Fool’s Fate, because it kind of implied the exact opposite. I’m hoping on this reread I will pick up on it being laid out as a result of Fitz getting his memories/teen feelings back rather than it just feeling like a lowkey retcon, but I guess we’ll see lol

“I felt I was a bit in love with him, you know. That sort of lift to the heart.” the confirmation that the Fool KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN LOVE sends me deep into the swamps goodbyeeeeeeeeeeee

“The one who loves him best will betray him most foully.” So fate agrees, the Fool loves Fitz best :)

“You do love me! … Before, it was words. I always feared it was born out of pity.” Godddddd Foooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!! 

Everything about Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes meeting in the skill for the first time is just truly perfect iconic unparalleled.

Fitz’s love for Verity hurts my heart so much. Just think of the relationship they could have had if they weren’t stupid royals.

Kettle’s whole speech about Fitz and Molly… Just yes to every word.

Look I’m just gonna say it… The way Burrich reacts to Molly’s advances … like I know it’s probably not intentional but it just reads as very much fitting in with my headcanon that he is gay. As soon as she makes it clear she wants to sleep with him he like leaps across the room lol. I do believe he cares for her and loves her in his way, but it does feel mostly like he’ll just do whatever he needs to to care for her and the baby.  Sowwy

I wonder why the Fool wasn’t as affected by his giving up of memories to Girl-on-a-Dragon?? Or was he, and he just gets them back before we see him again in Tawny Man?

“Take my hurt that I never knew my father, take my hours of staring up at his portrait when the great hall was empty and I could do so alone.” um this is so fucking sad

It was the Fool who sent Starling to find Fitz after Verity uses his body and again I have to ask, wtf is going on in your mind, Fool!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit D: Even once he actually sleeps with Starling he has no enthusiasm about it, he just kind of goes along with it, likely to prove to himself that he has really let go of his past/Molly. 

I always wonder why the Fool leaves now. Is it because he thinks their work is done and doesn’t want to risk messing things up by hanging around his catalyst like at the end of Tawny Man? Does he intend to come back and find Fitz again but get sidetracked by a lead or a new dream? Like it’s just weird because at first he was like “Prophet and Catalyst stick together” and was gonna stay with Fitz - or was that just an excuse because he was obsessed with Girl-on-a-Dragon? Fool u spicy lil enigma

It’s blood and the wit that wakes the stone dragons so does that mean King Wisdom was witted? Or is that obvious lol

Fitz isn’t even bothered by the Fool’s kiss, just shocked. I am looking.

Patience shouting orders at Verity-as-Dragon is beautiful ksjjk

Of courrrrrssse Burrich names his first son Chivalry

In the epilogue, the Fool is the only one Fitz actually says he misses. Exquisite.

I know some people have an issue with Regal’s death but personally I find it delicious

Okay that’s all (I say as if this wasn’t 139841989 pages long). See y’all in 92 years when my sister finally starts reading Liveship!

[marziblogsworld]

THIS SHOW WAS A MESS AND IT MADE ME A MESS. WELCOME TO THE REVIEW OF THE SERIES FINALE OF 13 REASON WHY.

Ok first thing first. I want to get something off my chest and that is, why I mean why is this school, this liberty high is still running, why this school not blacklisted or had a shortage of students after what everything happened from S1-S4. Like there was no series of people going to depression or 'high school shit' there were legit deaths. Death happened when students literally going around murdering other students. I mean this school went from trials to a murder investigation like i dont know but in my country thia school would have been closed by now or students would have withdraw from this harrowing place

SERIOUSLY METAL DEDECTORS, CAMERAS AND THESE TRAUMATISING DRILLS AND EXERCISES, and taking to apar where there is no fine line of morality or consicous. Putting these things doesn't show that you are helping them PRINCIPAL BOLAN it makes them think that they being watched. That these kids aren't to be trusted. I mean come on these are just kids. Sure messed up, but still kids. AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS MISS SHING!!!!!!. WHERE IS THE SCHOOL CONSOUSLLER IN ALL OF THIS SHIT!!!!,and dont you dare fucking tell me that she agreed to all of this bull shit.

*phew* i am like literally mad and angry over the whole school shit..... ANYWAYS! Talking about the whole story line of this series i feel like yeah it was good. I liked how they showed the aftermath of everything that happened in S3. Like i dont know about you people but for me the end of S3 was hard to digest and its good that they showed that even our characters are not A-Okay with all that they did.

I had high hopes for Winston Williams in this last season. I thought he will come with a full reckoning and tear down those ugly walls build around this squad and literally scare them i was let down. In the Start he was but then he was like kinda vanished in between and the JOCKS! took over,which brings me to my another rant.

Making shows like these,tackling things that are based on reality have responsibility to even show a number of possibilities of 'HOPE'. We watch shows like these because we resembles to what our characters going through or we had or have someone who was going through this and these shows should show a message that change is there and they should not think that this world is doom.13RW did some changes with girl power, standing up for what is right, raising a hand or a voice when something doesn't fit or is wrong so why couldn't they handle this jock culture. Why i always see jocks dunder and hot heads following like a flock of sheeps behind there captian and not have a voice. A change should be shown in them too that they are not heartless bitches. Liberty high put cameras to show that they protect there students but at the same time allowing those stupid Jocks to wear jackets that honour a fucking rapist infront of his victim which is totally triggering and unhealthy. He didnt fucking died or went to jail for BRYCE DEATH. HE WENT BECAUSE HE WAS A CONVICTED RAPIST and you are fucking HONOURING HIM!!!!!. I hate you Diego.There should be like a huge change in them since BRYCE was a jock and he was rapists. Monty was in the team too and he was convicted of sexual assult, there names, this team is like totally tainted and not raising a voice to clear there names and instead honouring them shows who you truely are.

I SAID ZALEX AND THEY HEARD ME!!. I got ZALEX and i dont care like in what way. I got it and it was AMAZING solid Friendship.

Recently watching Teen Wolf,loving 3B and then watching 13 Reasons Why and looking at Clay's condition all i have to say. NOGITSUNE! Is that you. Honey are you sure, you didnt travel into the wrong universe.

Okay now lets talk about the main part, that wraps this show under a neat little bow or in this case wrapping it carelessly and putting stapplers and glue and making it all yucky instead of a bow.

I mean like WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT. The ending was bullshit and literally unnecessary. What was going on for the past 8 episode was amazing why did they have to put this. I mean why the Fuck would you want to put that shit there,only for shock value!!!!!!. I wanna know your reaction people. I wanna know what you guys feel,cuz i was angry and sad and upset and SHIT WE DONT WANT THAT. We fucking escape into our fiction world from our real one not to see that there is no hope especially when the world is falling apart when a ounce of love and hope is what we are finding right now, when everything is all bloody and messy and then you shove this shit infront of us. WAS IT JUSTIFIABLE?, WAS IT NECESSARY?. I think not. Moreover what kind of a message you shared that people like justin doesnt have a chance to do better, they will never survive or a person like Clay should not believe in love or mere the idea of it!! Because whenever CLAY JENSEN LOVE SOMEONE they leave him in one way or another and LIKE BULLSHIT WITH THE MESSAGE 'YOU SURVIVE'. So does that means that Clay jensen should just 'survive' and not 'live'. TELL ME PEOPLE I WANNA HEAR, IS IT JUST ME OR DO YOU PEOPLE FELT IT TOO. COMMENT BELOW.

Anyways. This show had many aspects and scenes that was triggering for alot of people out there, and if you feel like you wanna talk or rant even at my review i give you a full free chance to SPEAK UP! to say your heart out because i am hear to listen. BECAUSE WHOEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU FELT, WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE. I AM WITH YOU because.....I LOVE YOU AND I HEAR YOU!!

#justindeservesbetter

#clayjensendeservesbetter

PS. sorry if it was too spoilery but i couldn't handle it.

[irwinkitten]

hell over me | II

notes: the responses i’ve had to hell over me has been incredible so far honestly. i’ve enjoyed creating the whole world that surrounds this entire concept and omg i’m so excited for the next part. however i’m now coming at y’all with the next installment and it’s werewolf!michael.  warnings: mentions of death word count: 2.8k

part one ii, part three iii, part iv, part v

---

Agony was all Michael could feel. It felt like a jagged knife in his chest, constantly cutting at the most vital organ that was so broken. He couldn’t breathe.

His Wolf was going mad, locked away, stuck in human form. He could not even mourn the loss of his mate, the snap of the bond so sudden. The pain had been nothing like he’d ever felt and he’d screamed in agony, his vocal chords burning raw from the mixed cries and howls that had been desperate to escape, to give some kind of relief from the sheer agony that had run through his entire body.

Blearily, his eyes turned to the newcomer he hadn’t met, the shock of red still vibrant in the darkness. He took a cautious sniff.

“Demon.” His tone was even, lifeless. He could see the pity in the demons eyes.

“Wolf.” He returned quietly, eyes holding Michaels for longer than necessary.

Michael looked away, he couldn’t stand the pity that he could see.

“Has there anyone been feeding you?” Michael’s eyes snapped to the demon and scoffed.

“They’re breaking us. One by one. The vampire hasn’t fed for god knows how long. They murdered my mate and have kept me in this godforsaken water pit and your demon buddy has been tied down without access to his magic for weeks. I’d say the last thing they’re bothering to worry about is fucking feeding us.”

The demon eyed him warily, eyes dropping to the mark that he knew was destroyed. He felt his skin burn every time the water touched it.

“How?”

That brought up Michael short.

He didn’t know how she was killed, but he felt the bond snap so brutally, he was almost certain his heart was going to stop when it happened.

“They tell me she begged. Pleaded with them.” He finally whispered, his eyes falling shut as he turned away from the demon.

“And you’d trust a siren on their word?” Hope bloomed before Michael crushed it, the vicious reminder they’d brought him, pulling to the forefront of his mind.

“They threw her head at me.”

Silence.

Then-

“Shit. Talk about really going for the break.” And Michael felt his body relax minutely. He didn’t want the pity, he was in enough pain to beg them to just put him out of his misery.

“Michael.” He finally muttered to the demon. The demon gave him a half smile in return.

“Ashton.”

Michael could feel the magic build once more. And he watched Ashton. But the demon didn’t slip into a slumberless coma like the other two had done.

“You’re immune?”

“More like a broken siren took pity and wants out.” And it was almost like fate was listening. Michael had seen this siren a few times, watching over them. He could see from the way other sirens treated her, like a shadow that had no use to them. Despite his animosity towards sirens, he felt none for this siren.

He just felt sorry for her.

“The sisterhood have charged me to be your keepers.” Her voice was quiet and Michael could only feel confusion as Ashton smirked.

“A punishment?”

“I spoke out of turn apparently.” Her words were laced with doubt and frustration. Ashton snorted.

“Looks like you can keep us company.” Her eyes turned to Michael and she frowned.

“How?”

“Your sisterhood murdered my mate and decapitated her. Forgive me for not willing to let my broken heart be trusting of the sirens song.” And he watched a the smallest of smiles crept up onto her features.

“This works in our favour. The only consolation I can give you, is that she wasn’t alone. The sisterhood believe their version of cruelty is traumatising. And whilst it is, they’ve done worse to me than make me hold a dying woman’s hand. I blessed her passage in the hopes that the gods would keep her safe from further harm.” And Michael could only stare at this siren, a siren that he wanted to hate so badly, but couldn’t.

“Moon Goddess, grant her safe passage. Heal us both.” He finally whispered, tears falling down as he bowed his head, the tip off his nose touching the water as his teardrops fell.

He could feel the burning on his neck. He knew it was going to happen soon, but this way, it was his choice to heal. He wouldn’t resent his Goddess trying to find the other part to his soul once more.

“Let me give you peace for this, wolf.” And although he didn’t want her to touch him, to be anywhere near him. Michael nodded.

It was like a light went out and with it, his heartache, his pain and most of all, his destroyed mark.

-

“Michael.” The soft voice that he was greeted with was not one he was expecting. He knew the sirens magic, he could still feel the pressure on his chest.

But the being in front of him was a stranger. Dark caramel skin, tight curls that defied gravity and the most gentle smile on their lips. And then it clicked.

He fell to his knees, a look of awe overcoming his features as he prostrated himself before the Moon Goddess, his words lost from his voice as he realised that every prayer he’d ever made since he was a child had gone to his Goddess.

“Rise child, you need not to bow to me on these realms.” Her touch was gentle as she carefully brushed her fingers through his hair. He waited before she retracted her hand and pulled himself up, his eyes drinking in the image of the Goddess the wolves worshipped.

Pearly white teeth were a stark contrast against her skin as she grinned at him, lifting a hand and letting it come to rest on his face, her palm gentle against his cheek.

“You’ve been so brave, my child.” He’d never felt this content. Not when he’d met his mate, not when they’d bonded completely. It was a different kind of relief that filled his body, the knowledge that his Moon Goddess was a real being and she watched over her wolves.

“How? They killed my mate. All I’ve wanted is to follow after her, to be at peace. The pain, it’s so much.” His voice wouldn’t go past a whisper, terrified to break this illusion.

“The siren will not dare break you from me. You can speak, child.” Her tone wasn’t harsh, but it was firm, almost as if her words were carrying a warning to the siren that sat watch over him and the three others in their pit.

The first tear rolled down his cheek, and she didn’t hesitate to wipe the tear away.

“You asked for me to heal you. To grant her safe passage instead of begging me to make her spirit wait for you to return to her side once more. Do you understand the kind of bravery you invoked, child? Even the most wisest of wolves has never been able to do such a thing.”

She guided him to a seat he hadn’t noticed before. And then he began to really look.

It was a garden, clear skies as they walked through it to the small table that held two chairs and a tea service. As they walked, her robes shed away, revealing more skin, the dress fitting to her and making her look impeccable as she took a seat, the air of grace rendering him speechless once more.

She was a real thing.

“The sirens overstepped the laws this time.” Her voice was firm as she poured him out a drink, she didn’t even ask him for what he wanted. But as he took the offered cup, the tea touching his tongue, he realised that she knew what he’d like.

“What else have they done? They could make claims, say that my mate attacked, gave them the right to defend themselves.” He knew his voice sounded empty, he looked away from the look of pity.

“I may not get on with Lucifer, but he does me a service by keeping his demons in check. He knows my territory and does not dare encroach on it for fear of my wrath. He knows that at a simple command, I could have every wolf descending on him should I so wish it, and I would win.” Michael felt himself stare for a moment as he processed her words.

Her lips curved into a small smile as it finally hit him.

“You know Lucifer?”

“I know him, and he rightfully fears me. However, I knew of his consort, or Queen, for lack of a better word. She was a hybrid, demon and human. A test to see if nature or nurture would win out. When he met her and she put him in his place, he knew it was over for him. He would have done anything for her if she had asked.”

It hit Michael like a freight train.

“She was his mate?”

“Yes, but he didn’t know that. Apparently, she was a descendent of one of my own. She never had the genetics so she never knew her heritage. But the bond still recognises. It’s why he nearly levelled the entire earth when his bond snapped.”

And Michael could understand why.

“What’s going to happen?”

“The four of you are going to wipe out the sirens. Only three will live, bound to three of you.” And suddenly his anger flared so fast, pushing away from the table. He didn’t realise he was pacing until she stood up herself, her dress flaring out as her hair seemed to ruffle, eyes alive with fire.

“Sit down.” The command had him submitting instantly, his legs giving out and having him fall to his knees. The anger still burned in his chest, a growl bubbling to the surface.

“They murdered her and I cannot let them live.” Michael ground out and the soft sigh that followed made his heart twist painfully.

“Sit with me, child.” She waited for him to finally get to his feet, dragging them back to his chair as he sat down, his back rigid, eyes a dark shade of green as he scowled at the Goddess.

“Why are you telling me that three of them will live?”

“Because they are mates to the two demons and yourself,” she paused before continuing when all he did was stiffen, “the vampire has his own mate. Fate will not dare take her from him if they know what’s best for them. He is willing to fight the fates for his mate.”

“And I wasn’t?” He snapped back, frustrated.

“You did not journey across the world, my child. It is not to say that you wouldn’t, however he did everything he could. He even turned to the High Council of Wolves to ask for help.” This brought Michael up short.

It was an unwritten rule that Vampires were never to be trusted or offered any kind of help. To have asked the High Council for help, it spoke volumes of his desperation and Michael sighed.

“I would not be surprised if he petitioned Lucifer himself to be allowed passage to Hades’ lair.” He muttered as her hand rested on his. The stark contrast of their skin made him pause before he relaxed and turned his hand beneath hers, his fingers curling around her hand carefully before squeezing it.

She beamed at him in return.

“So three will be saved, what then?”

“The vampire will have access to an old spell book. His mate will require to give three drops of blood before your own mates will share their own with hers. The spell will infuse with the three sirens and they will be able to create sirens themselves. They will be their own High Council.”

“And why are you telling me this?”

“Because you will keep the other three on track. You will stop them from wiping out the entire race too soon. The first demon has met his mate, he does not know or recognise it yet due to the magic being suppressed. But the other demon and yourself must find your mates before you destroy the rest of them.”

“Then make it stop. Make my chest stop feeling like it’s on fire.” He finally pleaded with her and she smiled kindly.

“The fact you took so long to ask means you’ll be fine. However, as your Goddess, I have a lot of pull. My last favour to you, my child.” Her arm swept out to the garden and he nearly keeled forward as he got up, desperate to reassure himself that she was there.

But he hesitated as he reached her. Would he want to let her go once he had her?

Her fingers touched his face and his body melted to her touch. Her eyes shone, unshed tears clear as daylight.

“My wonderful wolf. I’m sad our time was not forever like we had planned.” She whispered and the first tear fell. He caught it with his thumb.

“What we had was enough for us. We had our small pocket of forever princess, I promise you.” He returned just as softly and she giggled before her arms wrapped around him and his own held her tightly to him.

“You need to go back to her. I’m safe and happy now. No pain.” He held back the sob that wanted to escape.

“I can’t let you go like this, princess.” He finally whispered and she pulled back, her lips meeting his gently.

“You can. She deserves you just like I did. But promise me that you won’t forget me?”

“Always, princess.”

There was a hand to his shoulder and he turned to see his Goddess pulling her cloak back on, holding her other hand out to his mate.

“It’s time for us to leave child. Your mark will be healed, and any remaining pain will be dull. Memories will hurt, but do not bury them. Promise me you will give her a chance.” The tone she used brokered for no arguments.

“I can only promise to try for now. But I will not let her die.” The Moon Goddess paused before nodding her head in acceptance.

“This I can deal with. Take care of yourself, my child. I do not want to see you again for many moons to come.” And without warning, a bright flash filled his vision and both of them were gone.

And he was alone once more as he fell to his knees, a loud sob breaking through, but he could notice the difference.

His chest wasn’t heavy, there was no jagged pain. He could breathe once more.

And then the world returned to black.

-

When his eyes opened, it took him a second to feel the peace, the calm after the storm of emotions.

And part of him hated it. Hated the fact that he’d allowed himself to move on like that. But then he reminded himself that it wasn’t so.

He was in control. Yes he would need his mate around, but he could get to know her, learn to love her instead of loathe her.

“Your Goddess uses strong magic, Wolf.” The siren muttered and he snorted.

“She knew you wouldn’t try to interfere, but she had to be sure.” He explained, the water lapping at his neck. He then realised that it didn’t hurt him for the water to touch it.

“I’m guessing my mark is gone?”

“It glowed before disappearing minutes before you woke up.” The siren spoke quietly. His eyes shut together and he realised that the second he’d held her, the mark vanished. There’d be nothing but relief after the initial joy of seeing her there.

“My Goddess has gifted me a second mate. One of your sisters.” His eyes opened, meeting the shocked sirens. “There is a third who can be saved. My Goddess explained everything to me, from what the vampire did to get his mate back and what we can do so this never happens again.” He refrained from saying about destroying the entire species bar those three.

The last thing Michael wanted was to drive the siren back to her sisters, to prevent their deaths out of loyalty to the species.

“You have my word I’ll try to help all four of you get out of here.”

“Good, because I’m ready to break these damn chains, fuck the consequences.” The vampire muttered as his dark eyes opened, meeting Michael’s carefully. “I’ll give my thanks to your Goddess when I get out of here with my mate safe.”

“Duly noted.” Michael returned, making Ashton smirk.

“So, siren. Where do we begin?”

---

tag list: @cals-babylons​​ , @glitterprincelu​​ , @calumspeachy​​ , @cosmocalum​​ , @monsteramongmikey​​ , @talkfastfletcher​​ , @hereforlukescruff​​ , @astroashtonio​​ , @catchinqcalum​​ , @5saucewho​​ , @dontstopisagoodsongchangemymind​​ , @therainydays4​​ , @asht0ns-world​​ , @silverchainbee​​ , @hidd3nfangirl​​ , @doodleasouarus​​ , @empathycth​​ , @mylovehes​​ , @songforhema​​ , @kinglyhood​​ , @youngblood199456​​ , @makecoffeenotwars​​ , @sunny-sos​​ , @negative-love​​ , @softboycal​​ , @kinglycalum​​ , @you-of-ghost​​ , @meetyoutheremgc​​ , @lmao5sosimagines​​ , @lietoash​​ , @aw-hawkeye​​ , @drummerboy794​​ , @itjustkindahappenedreally​​, @mycollectionofnuts​​, @abitloudforanaccousticset​​, @boytoynamedcalum​​ , @teampreator​​ , @dukehoods​​ , @dweebluke​​ , @calumculture​​ , @lashtoncurls​​ , @wildhearthood​​ , @gigglyirwin​​ , @blue-skies-are-alright​​ , @hearts-to-the-sky​​ , @tiddlerrr​​ , @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you​​ , @zooniah​​ , @cakeassx-blog​​ , @rotten-kandy​​ , @vipclifford​​ , @musiclover1263​​ , @rosecoloredash​​ , @jpgluke​​ , @cathartichaoss​​ , @5secondssofssummer​​ , @daisy-jen​​ , @balsamichood​​ , @cliffordstxngue​​ , @lukesbellas , @myloverboyash​​ , @cxddlyash​​  , @gabiatthedisco​​ , @rosesfromcth​​ , @gorgeouslygrace​​ , @calumsssparkle​​ , @valentinelrh​​ , @meetashthere​​ , @softforcal​​ , @cakesunflower​​ , @sweetcherrymike​​ , @fangirlforever0704 , @caswinchester2000​​ , @long-termplanwithshort-termfixes​​ , @josierosie​​ , @ashtoniwir​​ , @raabiac​​ , @burncrashbromance​​ , @killerlukesqueen​​ , @angelbabylu​​​ , @heartbreak-5sos​​ , @geeksareunique​​ , @singledadharrington​​ , @singt0mecalum​​ , @sugarcoated-pain​​​ , @sublimehood​​​ , @americanhorrorstudies​​ , @moonchildsblack​​ , @uncrownedqueeen​​ , @softforluke​​ , @lostincalum​​ , @colourfulcalum​​ , @calpops​​ , @rosecolouredash​ , @aftermidnightclifford​ , @myemptywallets , 

if you want to be added to the taglist, just message me!! 

[bygone-age]

OK, Holby City, but instead of a hospital, it's like a TV network.

Hanssen is the steady hand, steering them through many a difficult time. He wears an outwardly cool, calm face, but hides inner pain and a secret love

Gaskell is the maverick, the innovator, who might just be teetering on the edge of madness. Can he be saved by those he once held dear?

Roxanna is a brilliant producer, an excellent guiding hand on many popular shows, but she's grieving. She lost her husband while on air and is still traumatised, but now feels guilty because old feelings are returning that are making her question herself, but that she can't ignore and doesn't really want to either.

Guy Self was in John Gaskell's position eighteen months ago, but is now back. Is he still as reformed as he claims and will his ego get in the way of his return to the top?

There's tons more of course - news anchors Ric Griffin and Serena Campbell, Bernie Wolfe who's Bear Grylls and Ray Mears rolled into a much better package, Jac Naylor TV chef who makes Gordon Ramsey look like a Jane Austen hero, but has a (well hidden) heart of gold. Fletcher and son comedy duo reunited after a massive rift.

Anyone else got any ideas? @foxyroxysstuff, @galaxiesandstars97, @holbywitty, anyone else want to play in this AU?

[khalix-hyetology]

(In)visible Disabilities and Machine Bodies in NieR: Automata:- Plato 1728′s plight in a posthumanist light

In [Jacques] Derrida’s terms, it is the blind, the disabled, who “see” the truth of vision. It is the blind who most readily understand that the core fantasy of humanism’s trope of vision is to think that perpetual space is organized around and for the looking subject; that the pure point of the eye (as agent of ratio and logos) exhausts the field of the visible; that the “invisible” is only — indeed, merely — that which has not yet been seen by a subject who is, in principle, capable of seeing all. 

— Cary Wolfe, What is Posthumanism? (132)

Embedded and embedding narrative frames assume precisely this self-referential form of form by marking the virtual edges of narrative structure.

— Bruce Clarke, Posthuman Metamorphosis: Narrative and Systems, (94)

Upon Playing NieR:Automata’s DLC, which focused on the machine individual, Plato 1728, I felt that the narrative was engaged with the powerful aspect of disability. It allows the player to take control of a robot who is considered “defective” and does things poorly. Plato 1728 believes that he does poorly in everything, he cannot fight well as when he does his body betrays him, nuts and bolts come off and oil spills. He cannot hold a weapon. Yet, he tries his hardest hoping that he will be accepted and appreciated. 

This does not happen.

What you experience in the gameplay is a first person perspective of what it feels like to be disabled and ostracised for said-disabilities. The game poignantly attempts to show the player the censor and the frustration, alongside the mental trauma, a person with aa disability can face in a ableist society. It does this brilliantly by showing this efficiency prone behaviour and ableism in the lifeforms that invaded Earth. Though they are aliens they have adopted many human like aspects. The other machines tease and ridicule Plato 1728 to the point that he feels alone all the time. No one desires to be his friend and no one seems to care about him. 

Plato 1728 is a horrible dilemma. He was built to be a weapon but he has not of the proclivities and qualities of a weapon. Rather he mentions he abhors violence. Yet, as he is built to fight, he must continue to do so. The machines are all living workaholic existences in which their daily routine is comprised of sparring and maintaining, and building other machines for war alongside taking care of the factory. Some of the machines obviously have consciousness and existential thoughts but this gets stampeded over the nuts and bolts of what they assembly is comprised of. 

We, as the players, are put in the position to play as Plato 1728. It is something that overwhelms us. It is designed to show how inhumane and cruel the machine life routine is. Operating Plato 1728 you notice he glitches and seizes up at times and he cannot move at all. There are system errors shown about as you and Plato 1728 desperately attempt to keep himself composed. Then we are presented with the motor function test. We are in the position of Plato 1728 giving this test. Plato 1728 actually does well. You can, even with his body glitching, get 17-10 rings, which are the objectives of the motor examination. However, then multiple rings come on and off and go away easily and we are given a body that wasn’t either designed to move fast or we do not know how. 

This a crucial part of the narrative. After basically failing the test three times, with an “exceedingly poor” grade, we as players are made to ruminate why the motor function examination suddenly became what it was. Why did the runs suddenly come and go off in such a manner. Why were these tests designed like this. The players are also made to wonder if we were in control of 2B, 9S or A2 would be able to pass a motor examination like this? We probably could. However, in the base game when you start out with a mission directly with tutorials just being on-screen commands you may falter. The prologue is also designed to be 35-40 minutes gameplay that any newcomer can exceedingly fail in as well. 

It is not also a question of machine lifeforms themselves. Before coming to Plato 1728′s narrative, we must finish three coliseums. One coliseum is devoted entirely of machines and you must make 9S choose a machine to battle with. Depending on your level, you get a selection of machines. The thing is you upgrade or you choose a machine based on which level in the coliseum you are, what your skill level is and what the skill level of the machine is — they are all interconnected factors that help you win the tournament in the coliseum. 

Plato 1728, though saying he is a “defective” model, was able to get many rings. It is not his fault the test is designed such a frustrating way that failure seems to be the only option. Even with his disability Plato 1728 tried and succeeded a lot. However, due to the assessment requirements not being met, Plato 1728 is branded as a failure. 

Subsequently, this branding of failure persist. When we are doing combat training we, the players in control of Plato 1728, are shocked when a punch makes Plato 1728 lose both his arms! We can try to evade and move about and do what we can to keep the clock running but Plato 1728 fails. It is not that he is intending to do nothing. He is intending to fight but his body is having issues and no one seems to care and no one seems to assist him with his bodily issues. He is branded a failure. This is not only a desecration of justice but a desecration of life and the game wants you, the player, to feel it, as a machine with disability. 

Plato 1728 then decides, in his loneliness and ostracism, to take care of a doll. The factory is attacked, either by the player as playing one of the protagonists’ androids, and Plato 1728 helplessly watch as the doll he cherished goes up in flames. Feeling traumatised and grief beyond anything, all his pent up sadness came up and he started anyone and anything. When his rage is exhausted, his companions trap him and dispose of him. When we re-enter the factory as another machine, the player sees that some people are shocked that Plato 1728 have had so much power in him that they didn’t realise. Some don’t wish to go into battle, afraid at seeing the destruction that Plato 1728 wrought, some are still thinking he is “useless” and that his model should be stopped while others mourn his downfall and are ashamed at their own behaviours surrounding him. 

In fact, the machine the player is operating comments at his terminal as he has to input data on Plato 1728 goes on to say something like oh yeah, the guy who lost it.

Plato 1728′s consciousness and soul are still alive even if his body is gone. Though he wishes he could have a body again. He comments that the coliseum people are all selfish. The ones were machine are fighting to become stronger, the one where machines are trying to live by rules and the ones where machines are enslaved to be gladiators for android amusement. He says that is he really the crazy one? 

Due to the doll seemingly being the cause of Plato 1728′s madness, dolls when found, are destroyed in the factory now. The players are then shown a psychedelic, gothic music video of a random machine destroying dolls and in the end Plato 1728′s soul reaches out attempting to stop the machine to destroy the doll that looks like 2B but he fails and the 2B doll is symbolically destroyed. 

In my own reading of this DLC and the NieR:Automata game, I found aspects of posthumanism and transhumanism at a clash. My intentions to summarise the events of the DLC is to provide some of my own critical understanding of the game. In the base game, Pascal, 2B and A2 herald empathy and mostly posthumanist aspects in their characteristics. Though Route A follows more of a transhumanist path the characters present show some posthumanist nuances. In the game, the transhumanist agents are 9S and initially, Adam and Eve. 

Transhumanism believes in the augmentation of the human body. It believes that human limits can be “corrected” and transcended. The body is to be a workshop and that workshop perfects upon the body into an ideal type of unit or anatomy in execution. Posthumanism is different; in fact, posthumanism believes more in the imperfections of humans and it rejects the humanist model of ideal human saying there can be no ideal. It considers the value of all living life forms and the systems that interconnect them. It also shows that human bodies can inherently and environmentally differ from each other and that is a good thing. Posthumanism also does not advocate anthropomorphism. 

Bruce Clarke in his book Posthuman Metamorphosis: Narrative and Systems talks about humans as quasi-subjects and quasi-objects. This means they are neither completely subjective markers nor markers of objectification. Humans interact and they are heavily affected and influence by how, what and why they interact with (Clarke 44-45). Clarke also states that humans are biotic creatures and there can be abiotic organisms (Clarke 17). Biotic organism are organisms who can perform autopoiesis. Autopoiesis is the ability of the body;s various parts to organise itself, to keep its integrity but also to allow certain things to change, an example of human genome which does not change but phenotypical components such as hair and eye colour changing. The organisation of autopoietic structures is recursive; unique in its context. Non Autopoietic structures can exist within autopoietic creatures. Clarke states that non-living, non autopoietic organisms are called abiotic. He also states that there are metabiotic structures as well for example consciousness and social and psychical systems that make up society, an example would be media is an abiotic system that influences metabiotic structures like society and biotic humans. 

I talk about autopoiesis and abiotic, biotic and metabiotic structures because these are crucial elements to understand posthumanism. Posthumanism plays a large role in NieR:Automata not only in its embedded narrative style as Clarke would state it, but also as Wolfe would state, it attempts to broaden the self-reflexive criticism of disciplines themselves. Wolfe states that disciplines can keep their integrity, as in autopoiesis, but must understand that there is a multidisciplinary promise to every discipline and that disciplines can evolve. Wolfe follows the second system theory to a bit in that the observer(s) are also scrutinised and called into question or positionality as much as the observation (Wolfe 121). There is a difference to Wolfe between the accurate and the specific (Wolfe 115). Wolfe critiques that disciplines are important that they are specific and not necessarily always accurate as in the universalising way (Wolfe 115-117). Things have context and that context must be taken into consideration. This is important as NieR:Automata also looks a lot on the context of the situation via both its posthumanist narrative style into bioethics and but also through disability studies and trans-species disciplinary actions (Wolfe 141).

Wolfe uses the life of Temple Grandin to talk about the trans-species understanding in that Grandin’s understanding of things in pictures, this hypervisuality within her autistic self which she has to then add language to is both thinking in pictures and allows prosthetics become one with her which are both ahuman or considered nonhuman traits. However her approach has “canonical expression” which includes Renaissance theory of perspective, to Freud’s parsing of the evolutionary sensorium in Civilisation and Its Discontents, through Sartre’s discussion of the Gaze, to Foucault’s panopticon,  and finally to the various modes of electronic surveillance culture.” (Wolfe 130) Wolfe further postulates that there is obviously different ways to thinking that humans have but can be excised (140). He also quotes Derrida’s concept of knowing invisibility as another kind of spatialisation (Wolfe 133). 

The reason I have talked about this is that in the gameplay of NieR’s DLC our narrative focus on Plato 1728 shows many ways of understanding content. The language is not always constructed verbally. The players must level up, become fit and then fight battles in coliseums with different storylines and tangents, and rules and regulations. Plato 1728′s story origins begin with the machine spear which decodes some fragments of his story and this is later extrapolated in the DLC. Plato 1728 is sensitive and kind, communal and intelligent. He has almost all of the understanding of family and familial connections as once stated by 21O independently in the Data Freak quests that androids seemingly lack. Plato 1728 intelligence is differently abled but not all inferior to others and it is not to be taken lightly. When Plato 1728 in grief attacks in a berserk way he is only doing something normal in his condition though normative regulations deemed this to be the progression of him as a failure. 

Plato 1728 is not a failure as he understands that there is lack of justice, a seduction by rules and power in the coliseums and in life in Earth in general. A feeling and understanding he also shares with Emil. Emil is attacked by 9S is losing his mind. Emil calls 9S his “cherished companion” who still must be “punished” because he has done something wrong, obviously, from stealing from him. The player as 9S can defeat Emil in which, in this first form, states that in the end power dominates so much and he says, with reluctance, that 9S can use his room whichever way he prefers. Though, Emil just accedes only because he doesn’t understand what purpose 9S has to do this to him. In a similar way, Plato 1728 does not understand why his companion easily disposed of him instead of coming to his aid.

NieR: Automata uses a very embedded narrative. It uses a verbal embedding, which is a narrative that is horizontal and epistemic (Clarke 100) meaning it uses people in the same timeline such as Emil and 9S battling out within the same time period and context to say some of its story. Then it also has a modal embedding, which is ontological and vertical. That as Clarke expertly puts:

“here the same or different narrators are transported to and thus reframed within different storyworlds — for instance modal borders are crossed in the transit “through the looking glass” from waking to dream worlds, from the present to the past or future, or from physical space to cyberspace.”  (Clarke 100)

When we play as 9S or 2B or A2 we experience the story differently. Swords and hacking tell the story differently. Then there is Route C and D than changes a lot of the narrative setting and climate. The narratives are something, as Clarke puts it, stretching and meets at different viewpoints and that it what makes narratives embedded and autopoietic. They are framed to form something that has integrity but is also perpetuated amongst different disciplines. The modal embedding also goes to mathematics modular group, with the j variant, the function of complex numbers which satisfies a growth condition in the upper plane of a graph and shows the connection between monster group and modular group. 1728 is a number that is the cube of 12 and also part of the j variant. The monster group, or Friendly Giant, being the largest sporadic group in mathematics. The name is embedded into the narrative of NieR Automata thus disciplines evolving, looking at the observer and the observation, keeping the integrity but also going beyond. 

Additionally, many side quests and even the birth of Adam and Eve is a fusion between modal and verbal embedded storytelling. We can see this in both 2B and 9S routes where picture books also tell the story of machines getting consciousness and an identity. Also, we see machines having sex or attempting to in the chasm. It is as if they don’t wish anything to be ex nihilo but to have origin, purpose and an evolution in connectivity. 9S’s trauma is also reflected in quests done for Resistance members when they lose their loved ones. Though 9S’s actions are more severe and a disruption to not only his life but others. 

Going back to Temple Grandin, 9S is someone who espouses humanism and transhumanism a lot. Even when he hears machine talk he keeps on repeating to 2B they meant nothing. He even says that after he is traumatised and going insane. In the Forest, Resource Unit he hears the machine begging him for an explanation to the violence and asking him to just kill them but he almost takes sadomasochistic satisfaction in torturing them and being in denial. To him, only androids can have life. As Wolfe also states that the sciences Cartesian duality of consciousness and cognition is pretty ingrained (Wolfe 116) and 9S is a proof of that. He has selective empathy and he cannot see anyone not abdroid-like to be human. Pascal is an exception because 2B and he had visited him and 9S is just in denial as well to consider Pascal completely living even as there is something disturbing is seeing his memory being wiped. 

9S in Route A ending is accepting of his data being embedded in machines, in a way Plato 1728 was alright in loving a doll. Yet in Route C/D 9S is disgusted to know that their black box does contain the machines’ cores as well. He is angered to know that within him is embedded, in the flesh so to speak, the narrative of machines. This is why it was ironic when sometime ago he told to Pascal that he didn’t have a heart seeing their autopoietic structures are similar in detail. 

Similarly, Adam and Eve killed the aliens feeling they were too “plant-like.” This alone becomes at first their justification. They so are obsessed in bettering themselves in some mythical ideal way that they wish to even dissect humans to achieve this goal. It is noteworthy, that 9S is selectively horrified by this yet he too decides to dissect machines or remnants of YoRHa later on. N2, the machine in the tower, programmed to fight the enemy, felt they must keep the androids alive and manipulated the coding of machine s which help make machines like Adam and Eve and Pascal. Though, they didn’t really know if such machinations would bring forth what it did thus they are killed by their own transhumanist consciousness in a way. 

Empathy is not relinquished by A2 or 2B. Like Plato 1728 who signifies that invisibility, as in his own thoughts and emotions and different abledness, is a form of spatialisation, we can see that in these individuals as well. A2 opens up to Pascal and shows him kindness and empathy. She starts treating him as an equal and is heartbroken to erase his memories. When she fights Emils and tries to help Emil she actually calls him “kid” and wishes to protect him. 2B hearing machines feels terrible about injuring and killing them. That is why Route A ending was also a trans-species ending where 2B understands and accepts the machines’ souls and consciousness. It takes almost death for 9S to do this in Route C/D and he also falls like an angel from heaven. A hero who becomes a brutal villain due to trauma, idealism and grief. A2 already accepts this as in a way her ending shows her need to reunite with her old comrades, Pascal and the village’s lost children. 

The True Ending, reaches out and embeds both the old beginnings and a prospect of evolution. This is semiotically and semantically shown with the Pods but also the different endings that were possible showing that the future, open but still with some integrity and organisation, is not set in stone but growing and evolving. Plato 1728 also sends the player a mail thanking them for reading about his life and looking at it. This brings back the posthumanist term of the observer being observed and visa versa. 

In conclusion, The transhumanist and posthumanist conjugate with trans-species elements and disability studies in NieR:Automata. This is done expertly through various intermeshed narratives. The game attempts to make players embed both storytelling and the codex for change within them. Thus it generates new knowledges and a sense of hope even when the story and game ends. It is interesting to play a game as such that takes into context and spatialization/specialisation that individuals do not need to look human and androids can very well be more than standard AI and machines can evolve into their own beings. 

Sources:

         Clarke, Bruce, Posthuman Metamorphosis: Narrative and Systems (New York: Fordham University Press, 2008).

        Wolfe, Cary What is Posthumanism? (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2001)

[somanypetals]

ok ok ok. are you a spuffy fan? i feel like i've seen spuffy on yr blog and if that's not true then please ignore but i've been thinkin recently and i'm very interested in what you think/how you reconcile spike's attempted rape?? bc as a spuffy fan i love them together but i also can't ignore this part of their history in good conscience. was it ooc? was their relationship building to a horrible climax? i'm just very interested in what people think abt that writing decision

omg I’m sorry for taking so long to answer this, I wrote like half an essayand then firefox crashed and I got grumpy about it for a few days lol ;___;

anyway in short: do I ship it? yes. is my relationship with the shipcomplicated? fuck yes. can I reconcile the attempted rape? on a base level, no.on a character level, I am able to move past it but not look past it. on awriting level, I don’t reconcile it at all. was it ooc? yes and no,which is the interesting part

this got really long and I’m hoping that I can remember everything I wassaying before I had to start all over again (rip) but I’m sorry it got so longunder the cut

so I do still ship spuffy, but I have a really complicatedrelationship with it. I’ve shipped it since I was a tween, before I reallyunderstood the unhealthy parts of it (rape scene aside, which I was very clearon), and I’ve come to see those in a new light the past five or so years, butI’m still also someone who is very adamant about people being allowed to shipwhatever the fuck they want in fiction whether it’s unhealthy or not becauseit’s fiction, and at the end of the day I’m shipping something because I findit entertaining or interesting, not because it’s the paradigm of relationshipexamples. in fact most of the time it’s not, because I find most of thoserelationships boring on screen. so like, I do still ship it, but not the way Iused to?

 anyway, was it ooc? in terms of mythology canon I don’tthink it was ooc at all. spike had no soul, he was at a base level evil. I don’t think this excuses theattempted rape at all, nothing excuses it or forgives it, but it does explain abit how the spike who dressed buffy’s hand wounds at the start of the seasonwas the same spike who flipped a switch and attempted to rape her near the endof the season. spike never became “good” when he had no soul, he was like aferal animal on a leash. he learnt to play relatively nice with others andbecame fond of some of his owners, but he still wasn’t cured and if you tookthe leash off at the end of the day he would have bitten them. yes, spike lovedbuffy in his own soulless way, but he still had a literal, animalistic demoninside him (we even see in angel in over the rainbow etc. what the actual demoninside vampires is like at its base level) and no soul to control it—only theintellectual knowledge that some actions would get him in buffy’s good booksand some would get him in buffy’s bad books and so he kept it under controlbecause he wanted her and he also wanted to not be killed by the scooby gang.again: this does not excuse the attempted rape at all. nothing forgives it. butlike, it does explain why buffy and many viewers are able to move past it. Idon’t think that on a mythology canon level it was ooc at all, I think thatpeople just forget that spike was stillevil when he was being nice to buffy or dawn or joyce. I think that’s partof the reason it’s so hard to piece together whether spuffy really could workor be good as a ship, because the show never separates spike with a soul fromspike without a soul the way they did with angel. with angel it’s so clearlytwo different people, but with spike it’s a muddy mess of the same thing and ifyou don’t write spike with a soul differently to how you wrote him withoutone—how are viewers supposed to forgive him for what he did?

 was it ooc on a character level though? that’s a wholedifferent thing because that opens the can of worms of spike being ooc ingeneral. the spike we see in season four onwards is drastically different fromthe spike we see in season two, and I do think part of that is just plain oldcharacter development but I also think that part of that is due to them wantinga slightly different character when he became a regular? spike was almost woobified by his own writing team? I don’t thinkit’s anything like the character assassination of britta for example, and Iwouldn’t even call it character assassination, but I do think that at somepoint late during season three or early season four they decided they wanted aspike who was funnier, a bit more sympathetic, and a bit more worthy of being afan fave. it's less like character assassination and more like characteradaptation? I feel like they saw that james had this excellent comedicpotential and wanted to use that, and I’ve seen that with other characters onshows too. I think they had to bend spike a bit along the way to get the spikethey wanted and who they could have fun with. he went from spike the genuinelychilling villain, to spike the comedic relief, to spike the stalker, to spikethe coping mechanism, to spike the love interest…and it definitely wasn’t astraight line of development. they definitelyhad to bend the character along the way and lose some of what was thereoriginally and add some of what wasn’t there. and like, it’s not necessarily abad thing, like I fuckin love comic relief spike and I can totally understandwhy they might’ve been like “fuck this james guy is good we want more of that”,but I do think that on a character level they ended up with something that wasquite frequently messy. if you’ve taken this villain and woobified himyourself, then even if he is still evilit’s not surprising that people are surprised or find it ooc for him to attemptto rape buffy because they made him a puppy with a temper instead of a wolfwith a playful streak, and then suddenly his fangs come out again. andobviously to a degree that was the point of it, to remind viewers that he wasevil and he wasn’t good and buffy forgot that, the scoobies forgot that, everyoneforgot that, but at the same time if you woobify a character that much doesthat point land? or does it just become ooc? I think a spike in love with buffyand protecting dawn and getting flowers after joyce died could be consideredjust as ooc as a spike who attempted to rape buffy. he became a bit of a messycharacter if you really think about it for too long, and they never separatedhis soulless state from his soul-having state enough to keep track of it

 so anyway, on a character level I’m able to move past itbecause I think at the end of the day…spike didn’t have a soul when it happenedand he was written kind of weirdly over the course of the show but I still likehim. I move past it as a viewer because I wantto move past it, and because I find the spuffy relationship interesting (yet Istill want more/better for buffy always? man, I said it was complicated hahah)

 NOW, FROM A WRITING STANDPOINT

 bullshit bullshit utter fucking bullshit.

 why though? well apart from the reasons I’ve already mentionedabout kind of messy character writing and it being impossible to tell whichparts of spike are ooc or not…………the attempted rape scene was not about buffy,before during or after it happened

 they wrote it as a gateway to spike’s redemption arc. theytraumatised their main character, this beautiful female character and one of mytop favourite characters of all time, to boost a man’s redemption arc, andthat’s just fucking awful and we’ve seen it too many times and buffy doesn’t deserver that bullshit.

 now I don’t know whether there’s a solid answer on whetheror not spike went to that demon at the end of season six to get his soul or toget his chip removed, but it also like…doesn’t matter, lol? I personally alwaysread that scene as he went to get his chip removed so he could kill her, andthen the demon was like lol psych herehave a soul! which I think also makes it easier for me to move past theattempted rape, because then it didn’t literally lead to him choosing to go have a redemption arc andbecome a better man for her, but like a lot of people do read it the secondway. and either way!! it’s a crock of shit!!

 not only did they put in this scene so they could kickstartspike’s redemption, instead of picking some other non-rape or non-violence againstbuffy related plot point to lead to him getting a soul, but then they sort ofmade it all about spike in season seven too?

 they do address bits and pieces of buffy’s trauma afterwardsand how it impacted her, but way way too much of the focus was placed onspike’s guilt and spike’s wanting to fix it and how it impacted spike etc., sonot only did they have buffy almost raped to kickstart a man’s storyline, butthey barely focused on her trauma over the “trauma” of spike and that’sjust…fucking awful. like it makes me so mad and it makes me feel so gross.

 as a writing decision I think it’s sexist, disgusting, lazyand unforgivable and the biggest fault with what is literally my favourite tvshow of all time lol (you wouldn’t think it is from this rant?? but it is?? andI like spike and ship spuffy??? god this is a mess) and I think it was probablythe worst fucking writing decision on all of buffy (and this is the show thatkilled tara, a literal lesbian angel)

 and honestly……the fact that I am aware of and think it’s theworst writing decision possible almost makes it easier to move past from acharacter standpoint? because it was a bad writing decision, it takes some ofthe weight off of spike’s actions for me and I’m aware that it was stupid and grossand it would’ve been better if spike tripped and accidentally fell into a gravethat had a stray soul in it that he inhaled.

 I don’t know if that makes sense, in fact I don’t know ifany of this makes sense…but it’s like: spuffy is interesting. to me they havechemistry, they have narrative and trope appeal (even though it wasn’tfulfilled, or wasn’t fulfilled right), they are two characters I likeindividually, and so…I continue to ship it and enjoy it despite the horriblefucking bad writing decisions that went down in season six. I know that evenwithout the attempted rape season or even without season six it’s still anunhealthy ship and it’s problematic (and I want better for buffy at the end ofthe day), but it is at a base level to me entertaining, and that’s what I likefrom my ships

 god this is almost two thousand words I’m so sorry I have alot of thoughts and I had to rewrite half of this so it’s really, really scattered and confusing butlike…yes I ship it, no I don’t think the attempted rape was a good writingdecision, no I don’t excuse or forgive it but I do move past it

 and in answer to what other people feel about the scene andship….it’s really divided lol, a lot of people feel like I do, a lot of peopleprefer bangel, a lot of people prefer spuffy, a lot of people can’t look pastthe rape at all, a lot of people look past the rape too easily, and a lot of people probably don’t know what to thinkor have no strong opinions lol

 god

this is two thousand words I’m sorry

[onlynot]

Teen Wolf - a summary

October 13, 2011 by (https://www.sarahreesbrennan.com/2011/10/teen-wolf/)

So, my resolution to blog more! How about blogging hilarious TV? I have rarely seen TV more hilarious than Teen Wolf.

I will give any show with elements of ze supernatural a chance, because I love me some fantasy. The basic premise of this show seems to be: People sure do like that Twilight! If we did a show all about werewolves, it would just be about the shirtless dudes in Twilight, and SURELY everyone would like that.

Fine by me, as I am devoted to The Vampire Diaries, also building on the popularity of Twilight. I was excited!

I watched half the pilot, and myself and the roomie gave up in disgust. Then a few months passed… I heard there was an actual gay character (In a supernatural show? Not a metaphor? Not subtext? An actual gay character? Actually?)… we gave it another try. Had our standards lowered, had we gone mad, did it get better? Who can say. But we watched the whole season.

Without further ado I present to you the tale of the Most Useless Werewolf In the World, and the People Who (Inexplicably) Love Him.

WELCOME TO BEACON HILLS

POPULATION: 2375. SHIRTS: 4. LACROSSE FANS: 2375 (there was one dude in Beacon Hills who wasn’t a lacrosse fan, but the werewolves killed that guy.)

SCOTT MCCALL: Our hapless protagonist. Severely asthmatic. Dumb as a box of rocks. Does not own a shirt. STILES: Obligatory genre-savvy best friend of protagonist. Is on meds for ADHD, super smart but cannot focus in class. Owns all the shirts in town. Never shares. SARAH: appreciates the fact that there are reasons for these kids to be loners, rather than ‘too deep to fit in.’

JACKSON: Minor antagonist. Captain of the lacrosse team! LACROSSE is very big in California. Dumb as a box of slightly more intelligent rocks than Scott’s. LYDIA: his beautiful mean-girl girlfriend. Sekritly smart but pretending not to be to please him. (Lydiaaaaaa.)

ALLISON: beautiful new girl in town. Family has lots of weapons. Surname Argent. SCOTT: … does not speak French.

SCOTT: I got bit by a wolf and now I am awesome at lacrosse! Rule! STILES: This is lycanthropy, Scott. SCOTT: OH MY GOD, IS THAT SERIOUS? WILL I GET A RASH?

SCOTT: Couldn’t help but use new super hearing to discover you need a PENCIL, new girl? ALLISON: I like you. You have a certain animal magnetism. SCOTT: Rule.

JACKSON: So you are suddenly awesome at sports, and kind of aggressive. Where are you buying the juice? SCOTT: My mom does all our grocery shopping?

TALL, DARK MYSTERIOUS STRANGER: *looms* SCOTT: Who that? STILES: Derek Hale. Few years older than us? Of the Hale family…? Who all died except Derek and his sister, who were in school when the house was burned down around their family by arsonists who were never caught? That’s why his face looks like that all the time. DEREK: 🙁 SCOTT: House that burned down six years ago, leaving many dead, terrified orphans, unsolved arson case, and a burned-out manor in the woods? Don’t remember that… STILES: Seriously? You are my best friend, and my dad is the sheriff. Everyone in a small town would know this. SCOTT: … Not ringing a bell…

STILES: I seriously suggest that you do not go to this party on full moon night. SCOTT: No. I must go on a date with Allison. IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING. STILES: More important than people’s lives? SCOTT: As my friend you must try to understand my priorities, no matter how dumb or sociopathic they may be.

SCOTT: I am a wolf. This is so awkward. DEREK: Allison, you look like you need a lift home. STILES: Allison, just checking you got home okay. ALLISON: I’m touched by the concern for my safety shown by all the boys who WEREN’T my dates to the party.

SCOTT: I am a wolf. This is so awkward. DEREK: Please attempt to not get shot by these hunters. I will protect you. SCOTT: You are also a werewolf! OMG! You bit me! You jerk! Oh my god, people are shooting at me! I’m so mad in so many directions and I have so many questions! First of course is, how will this affect my relationship with Allison, the werewolf hunters’ daughter? Did she talk about me on the car ride home? DEREK: 🙁

STILES: We must deal with this problem! SCOTT: Do you think I should send Allison flowers? STILES: No… the werewolf problem… STILES: Scott, come with me and help me find the dead body buried in Derek’s yard and then I will summon my father the sheriff! DEREK: No, see, that is my sister. SCOTT: … Sick, dude. DEREK: Someone ELSE killed her. Someone ELSE bit you. A DIFFERENT WEREWOLF. And my sister was my ALPHA, i.e. the boss of me. And now there is a new alpha, i.e. the boss of us, and we are betas and we need to team up and defeat our evil wolf overlord! SCOTT: I do not want to. DEREK: And I will help you be a werewolf. SCOTT: … Then I can date Allison! DEREK: 🙁

DEREK: Due to the fact that physical aggression and other physical stuff could turn you into a wolflike monster that will kill people, I suggest you do not play lacrosse or date Allison. STILES: Due to the wolfishness, maybe cool it on the lacrosse and dating? SCOTT: I REFUSE. WITHOUT ALLISON AND LACROSSE, LIFE HAS NO MEANING.

JACKSON: Oh my God, Scott is even good at bowling. LIFE HAS NO MEANING. JACKSON: … I must know his dark, bowling-prowess-related secret. It is my no. 1 priority! LYDIA: I wonder if they put ‘bad taste in men’ in the Beacon Hills water.

SCOTT: I am so filled with angst at the unreasonableness of my friends. COACH: What is it McCall? Is it a girl? SCOTT: Noooooot exactly. COACH: Oh okay. So, Jackson’s best friend Danny is single and into dudes? He is a hot guy. And a great goalie. Keep it in the team, you know what I’m saying. SCOTT: It’s cool. COACH: You cannot do better than Danny, son.

STILES: I will train you to be a werewolf, Derek is an ass. DEREK: 🙁 My face is just stuck this way. 🙁

SCOTT: *knocks out Danny in wolfy lacrosse throes* JACKSON: NOT MY BFF. I WILL END YOU. EVERYONE ELSE: Danny? That is so uncool. STILES: Scott, I have figured out that Allison’s voice dewolfs you! STILES: Also, Danny? That is so uncool. STILES: Do you think Danny likes me? Am I attractive to gay guys? SCOTT: This show is not called Teen Sidekick. Let us discuss MY problems ONLY. JACKSON: *is a better friend than Scott*

JACKSON: I don’t want to watch the Notebook again, Lydia. JACKSON: Hey video clerk, I need the Notebook… Oh. I see you’ve been brutally murdered by a werewolf. Awkward. Time to faint and have the werewolf claw at my neck? Yes indeed. DEREK: We must deal with this evil werewolf menace. SCOTT: What rhymes with ‘Allison’? DEREK: 🙁

BLOND VICTIM LADY: drivin’ along, dead of night, wind in my hair, werewolf on the roof… BLOND VICTIM LADY: Must stop to freshen makeup and go after werewolf with bazooka. BLOND VICTIM LADY: *actually Allison’s Aunt Kate*

AUNT KATE: *pursues werewolves, shoots Derek with wolfsbane bullet* DEREK: My life. 🙁

DEREK: *faint from gunshot wound* Must find Scott. He will help me. JACKSON: Scott is useless. DEREK: Buddy, nobody is more aware of that than me, but I am out of options okay. 🙁 JACKSON: I presume due to leather jacket AND stubble that you are Scott’s drug dealer? What are you selling Scott? DEREK: I am either going to kill you or faint. JACKSON: You should quit sampling the merchandise.

STILES: JESUS CHRIST, IT’S A SICKLY WEREWOLF! GET IN THE CAR. DEREK: Scott, I need your help. You must go to Allison’s house and find the bullets used to shoot me so I may cure myself. SCOTT: That will be my second priority. My first is impressing Allison’s parents and Aunt Kate. I LOVE ALLISON. DEREK: I am dying. 🙁 STILES: I am driving a dying dude around in my car. 🙁 STILES: Can I drop you off anywhere? DEREK: I will rip your throat out with my teeth. 🙁 STILES: You are such an alarming person. 🙁 SCOTT: What beautiful chintz curtains, Mr and Mrs Werewolf Hunter! You have a lovely home. I am happy to sit and chat all day.

DEREK: Okay, I’m ripping off my shirt. STILES: Oh, of course. I know how werewolves like to do that. Is it for angsty showering in your jeans? I know werewolves enjoy that occupation greatly. Is it for a lingering locker room shot? Is it to celebrate Tuesday? DEREK: You are the only person in this town who is ever useful, and thus I would like you to chainsaw off my arm. STILES: … Scott never asks me to do this… STILES: I am not accustomed to this new alarming shirtlessness. STILES: You are such an alarming person. 🙁 DEREK: JUST CHAINSAW OFF MY ARM!!!!!! 🙁 DEREK AND STILES: Our lives are terrible. 🙁 🙁

SCOTT: After a lingering dinner, I have located the bullet in Aunt Kate’s bag. AUNT KATE: Who the hell went through my bag? SCOTT: !!!! ALLISON: Me. Wanted condoms. SCOTT: I could not be happier about this on so many levels. STILES AND DEREK: BOY ARE WE PLEASED TO SEE YOU.

STILES: So Danny, how is Jackson after seeing a brutal murder? Did he see any evidence werewolves are real? DANNY: He is traumatised and you are crazy. STILES: Do you think I am hot? DANNY: … crazy.

STILES: Lydia how are you feeling? LYDIA: Medicated! STILES: So you will have no recollection of this conversation? LYDIA: None at all! STILES: Is there any chance you could ever love me? LYDIA: None at all! STILES: Do you have a problem with me deleting incriminating pictures of werewolves off your phone? LYDIA: None at all!

AUNT KATE: Hey, any werewolves working out in this burned-out mansion? DEREK: 🙁 AUNT KATE: Derek, meet tazer. AUNT KATE: Whoa, Derek the werewolf, way to grow up hot. Should I kill you or lick you? DEREK: 🙁 AUNT KATE: I looooooooove torturing werewolves with tazers. DEREK: *escapes through woods* DEREK’S SHIRT: *does not escape*

SCOTT AND ALLISON: While all this plot stuff is happening to other people, we are talking a lovers’ stroll in the woods! DEREK AND STILES: Oh, take your time, guys.

SCOTT, ALLISON, DEREK, LYDIA, JACKSON & STILES: *rounded up and trapped in darkened school by Alpha* STILES: At least Derek, the other active character in this plot, is here. ALPHA: *rips out Derek’s lungs* DEREK: 🙁 STILES: Just me then. Forever alone. LYDIA: I can make Molotov cocktails? JACKSON: Baby, I will mess up your making of Molotov cocktails so we are totally defenceless. ALLISON: I wish I had my crossbow. ALLISON AND LYDIA: *would clearly be good characters if freed from the tyranny of strictly romantic storylines with the two dumbest dudes on the show* SARAH: Free Allison and Lydia!

SCOTT: I can explain everything. SCOTT: … DEREK HALE IS THE KILLER. STILES: NEVER TALK AGAIN. ALLISON: Scott, you are clearly lying and involved in shady business, so, Imma break up with you.

JACKSON: I am all sweaty and pale and weird from my werewolf clawing! Allison… I really like you. ALLISON: Oh my God. JACKSON: And Scott. I really, really like Scott. ALLISON: You are obviously high. JACKSON: Let’s all be frienz.

STILES: Scott, will you find out if maybe Lydia could ever be attracted to me? SCOTT: You are my best friend, and you have saved me from both death and murder of all my loved ones many, many times. You are the most awesome friend. I will totally do this. SCOTT: And by ‘talk to Lydia’ you meant ‘make out with Lydia myself’ right? STILES: 🙁

STILES: I’ve come to visit Scott, and I have brought bondage gear. *cuffs best friend to radiator* SCOTT’S MOM: You kids play nice. STILES: I’m still mad, but I don’t want you to kill people. I really am the most awesome friend. I’m going to stand guard now, listening to you growl and howl, with my head in my hands. STILES: … also my mom’s dead. SCOTT: Uh, are you not aware that Allison broke up with me? Why does it have to be all about YOUR pain all the time? God. *breaks out of chains*

DEREK: Hey I’m alive! And saving Scott from killing his girlfriend while a crazed wolf. Scott, has this experience made you rethink any of your life decisions? SCOTT: I don’t know what you’re talking about. DEREK: 🙁 SCOTT: By the way, I told the whole town you were a psychopathic murderer. DEREK: 🙁 🙁 🙁

STILES: Derek what are you doing in my bedroom? DEREK: I have to hide out here, because I’m a fugitive. STILES: MY DAD IS THE SHERIFF! Wouldn’t Scott’s house make more sense? DEREK: Scott is writing sonnets about Allison right now. He may put them to music later. 🙁

DON’T MAKE HIM GO BACK THERE.

SHERIFF: Son… your first lacrosse game where you actually get to play is on later today. I am so excited. STILES: DUN COME IN MAH ROOM! YES.. I AM EXCITED TOO… HUGS NOW SERIOUSLY LEAVE. SHERIFF: What kind of crazy porn is the kid watching in there?

STILES: So I’m going to look into the text that lured us all to school to be murdered that day. Who sent it? My lab partner has mad hacking skills I WILL make him use to find out. DANNY: I absolutely will not use my hacking skills. Who is that guy hanging out in your room? STILES: He’s not a fugitive. If that’s why you’re looking at him. He’s not a wanted killer. He’s my cousin… Miguel… DANNY: He’s got blood on his shirt. STILES: FROM NOSEBLEEDS. Change your shirt, Miguel. DANNY: ohhhh myyyyyyyyy god. STILES: … I’ve just had a brilliant idea.

STILES: You know that scene where the femme fatale distracts the dude for the con? Congrats Derek! You are the femme fatale. DEREK: 🙁 STILES: Try on every shirt in my wardrobe. DEREK: THEY ARE ALL TOO TIGHT. 🙁 STILES: Is that so? You surprise me! Proceed. DANNY: OH MY GOD, COMING OVER TO YOUR HOUSE IS AWESOME. STILES: Work it, tiger. So, Danny, about those hacking skills? DEREK: 🙁 STILES: My house, my rules. DANNY: Your house rules.

The rules are that you can leave your hat on, werewolf. Oh, what’s that? You’re not wearing a hat?

DANNY: Scott’s mom was the one who sent Scott the text. Radically exciting news. STILES: Scott’s mom lured us to the school? … Scott’s MOM is an evil werewolf? Um. Thanks, Danny! Later, Danny. DANNY: LATER MIGUEL. DEREK: 🙁

STILES: Scott’s mom can’t be the werewolf! DEREK: So who do you think it was using her phone from the hospital where she works? My fire-scarred comatose Uncle Peter? STILES: To the hospital, let us investigate! SCOTT: I don’t understand why you’re not coming to the game, Stiles. STILES: Because people dying is more important than lacrosse. SCOTT: … I don’t understand what you mean when you say that… DEREK: I do, though. 🙁 STILES: Are we having a beautiful moment? DEREK: No! Because you made me feel CHEAP earlier. 🙁 *bangs Stiles’s head against steering wheel*

STILES: Ahahaha, so the alpha IS your comatose Uncle Peter. DEREK: Well, crap. I was only saying that to be ironic. 🙁 CRAZY UNCLE PETER: All the aunts and uncles on this show are crazy. DEREK: Stiles, run! STILES: I absolutely will. I’ll get Scott! DEREK: That is such a sweet thought. But Scott is useless. 🙁

JACKSON: I’ve worked out you’re a werewolf! MAKE ME A WEREWOLF TOO. BITE ME, BITE ME, BITE ME… SCOTT: Augh! It doesn’t work that way! Augh! JACKSON: Yeah well make it work or I will make sweet love to your lady. SCOTT: NO! Not my LADY! JACKSON: Yep. I will do her someplace you will hear with your super wolf hearing and you will hear every moan and pant we make and… STILES: What is up, bro? SCOTT: Um, Jackson’s… talking dirty to me?

JACKSON: Bite me bite me bite any bit of exposed skin you like bite me bite me. DEREK: The schoolboys in this town will not stop hitting on me. 🙁 And I have enough problems already.

Jackson is being very inappropriate today.

ALLISON: I’m so done feeling helpless and as if people, such as my boyfriend and entire family, are keeping life-threatening secrets from me. I am going to practise my crossbow skills. LYDIA: I will come too! SARAH: Free Allison and Lydia!

Oh Allison. I know Teen Wolf is killing you. Allison! Your aim is true.

DEREK: I am evil now. Yep… totally evil. You and I should probably team up… with my evil Uncle Peter, until such time as we can catch him unawares. SCOTT: YOU MONSTER. DEREK: 🙁

JACKSON: Derek I’m in your burned out manor bite me bite me bite me bite me- DEREK: KID, I SWEAR TO GOD- SCOTT: Unhand him you MONSTER. HUNTERS: Oh hi. DEREK: Run, kids! AUNT KATE: Oh look, I have shot Derek, and I intend to keep him chained up in my basement. And electrocute him. And lick him. DEREK: MY LIFE. 🙁

JACKSON: Lydia, once I am a werewolf I won’t need a girlfriend! Welcome to Dumped-So-I-Can-Spend-Time-In-The-Woods-With-Shirtless-Dudes-Ville, population you. ALLISON: Lydia, since you macked on Scott, be a friend and take Stiles to the dance? STILES: Yay! My life is finally looking up! Finally! LYDIA: I love Jackson sooooooo much. STILES: Or not. UNCLE PETER: How’s about I lure Lydia out to the lacrosse pitch and savage her? STILES: OR NOT. 🙁

ALLISON: I wish somebody would tell me the plot of the TV show I am in! AUNT KATE: We’re werewolf hunters, Allison. Check out this werewolf. Isn’t he hot? I’m torturing him, and it is super fun! DEREK: 🙁 ALLISON: … I retract my wish.

AUNT KATE: Electrocute, knife, lick abs, electrocute… AUNT KATE: Remember when you were fifteen and I seduce-molested you, and you thought we were in love, and I used you to locate your family, and then burned your whole family horribly to death? DEREK: 🙁 AUNT KATE: Goooooood times.

This is why Derek’s face always looks like this. Derek wishes everyone would just cut it out.

SCOTT: I’m not allowed to be at this dance because I am failing all my classes! Danny–please, please dance with me. COACH: You’re not allowed to- EVERYONE IN SCHOOL: *deathglare* COACH: LOVELY TO SEE SUCH HAPPINESS. Dance, children. Dance. DANNY’S BOYFRIEND: Uh, step off my man. DANNY: Look, guys throw themselves into my arms 24/7 around here. We are the number two town for shirtlessness in America, for God’s sake! I can’t help it. Don’t hate the player: hate the game.

SCOTT: Now I can dance with Allison! As Stiles pleads for Lydia’s life on the lacrosse pitch, and Derek is tortured by his molester for the 3rd consecutive episode, I am sure everyone is totally invested in this romantical moment. ALLISON: Scott I have something important and plot-relevant to say about werew… SCOTT: Shhh, honey. Shhhh.

ALL THE GIRLS IN TEEN WOLF: are wasted. Teen Wolf, be better than this.

UNCLE PETER: Help me find Derek or I kill you. STILES: How do you expect me to do this? UNCLE PETER: You’re the only smart person on the show. STILES: A fair point. Okay, but help for Lydia first! OR YOU CAN JUST KILL ME. UNCLE PETER: Smarts and a moral compass. I like you. STILES: I don’t want werewolves to like me. 🙁 STILES: … Except Scott, obviously.

STILES: Okay, I’m going to break into Scott’s computer to get Derek’s phone number to trace him via GPS… UNCLE PETER: Scott’s user name is Allison? … Scott’s password is also Allison? STILES: Still want him in your pack?

UNCLE PETER: You know, I am Crazy Uncle Peter, but I am not this crazy. I totes wish I had bitten you instead, Stiles. SARAH: AND SO SAY ALL OF US. UNCLE PETER: Can I bite you? Can I can I can I bite you? STILES: Um… no… thank you? UNCLE PETER: I know you want it. STILES: No… thank you… very much?

BEACON HILLS: no. 2 for shirtlessness. no. 1 for inappropriate physical contact, often of a bitey nature.

SCOTT: Derek, I found you in Allison’s basement, mostly by accident! Let me unchain you. DEREK: Oh, thank you, Scott. At last I have a friend and ally who- SCOTT: First promise me to protect Allison’s family from Uncle Peter. DEREK: Let me get this straight – a condition of my freedom is to protect the woman who molested me and massacred my entire family? SCOTT: I <3 Allison! DEREK: ... You unbelievable jerk. 🙁 STILES: I must go save the day, I sense a confrontation with evil is imminent, and Scott is entirely helpless without me due to his non-functioning brain. JACKSON: I will help you! Trust me! ALLISON'S DAD: Who is the other werewolf and where are they all? STILES: Pardon me, Mr Crazy? I know not these 'werewolves' of which you sp- JACKSON: I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING. STILES: Oh for the love of God. ALLISON AND AUNT KATE: Werewolf hunting is a go! UNCLE PETER: Killing Aunt Kate is a go! UNCLE PETER: Sorry Allison, but she really was a bitch. SCOTT: Allison, we are both totally about to get et by Uncle Peter. So it's important for me to take this time to tell you that I love you very, very much. STILES: I AM HERE AND I BROUGHT MOLOTOV COCKTAILS! Lydia is more useful than Scott and Jackson, and she is unconscious for the entire episode! JACKSON: I'm here too... ALLISON AND STILES: Molotov cocktails and crossbow prowess unite! UNCLE PETER: *burns* DEREK: I'm going to kill him now. SCOTT: Derek no, if I kill him it might reverse my werewolf curse! Or it might make me the alpha and boss of you... DEREK: I cannot contemplate a future in which you are the alpha. *kills* AUDIENCE: I cannot blame Derek for a single, solitary moment. ALLISON: Daddy please don't kill my boyfriiiiiiiend. We already killed the bad werewolf. ALLISON'S DAD: Well, this is underwhelming. STILES: So Lydia is not dying or transforming, which means some other supernatural crap that I, of course who else, must solve. It is always me. JACKSON: Hey Derek I am trespassing in your home again bite me bite me bite me- DEREK: I just killed my last living relative and I am feeling a little unstable. 🙂 JACKSON: ... What is that? I have never seen your face do that before. SCOTT AND ALLISON: The viewers will be relieved to know that we love each other very, very much! VIEWERS: are very much hoping to see a progression in Scott and Allison’s relationship in the next season.

[lonelyboxpet]

little wolf

chapter six: Friends

cw: non-human whumpee, monster whumpee, slight noncon touching? (hugging Pet even though its scared), self-depreciation / negative self talk, brief mention of past punishments, implied being forced to fight in the past, some cuddling n fluff bc Pet deserves it

tagging: @whumpthisway @carolinethedragon @thehurtsandthecomfurts @oracle-of-maybe

A week passed by and Pet started to get used to its new life, or at least it looked like it. Pet was still skinny and visibly starved, but it was starting to look slightly better, and it flinched less when he touched it.

He took it on a few walks in the local park, knowingly choosing the least busy route to make sure not to frighten Pet by the attention it would be getting if they walked through a more frequented part. He wondered if it's able to use its wings, but they haven't tried it yet.

Javier decided that it was about time to show his new companion to his friends. Pet seemed anxious about it, but he reassured it it will be alright.

,,They´re gonna love you,” he said and ruffled Pet´s grey fur, ,,don´t worry. They can act like a bunch of crackheads, but they´re friendly. You´re gonna get along, little one.”

Pet pressed its head into Master´s palm and desperately hoped that he´s right.

It watched him prepare cookie dough and clean the apartment from its cage, a little nervous that it can´t help him. Master noticed that.

,,Hey, little one, do you think you can, eh, hold this pillow for a bit? I need to vacuum the couch cause there are crumbles everywhere and, i don´t wanna leave it on the floor.”

Pet perked up and hurried to help him, happy that it could finally do something. Master chuckled and handed it a pillow.

,,Here. Hold it.”

Pet slowly opened its mouth and took the pillow gently, careful not to accidentally lick it. Master would be surely mad if the pillow got all soaked up with its saliva.

,,Great, buddy, you´re helping me so much,” Javier praised it with a big grin as he got out all the crumbles from the depths of his couch. ,,Perfect. Thank you, little one.”

He took the pillow from Pet´s mouth and Pet quickly stepped aside so it wouldn't get in the way.

They cleaned the rest this way - Javier always asked Pet to hold something, while he did the rest, and the creature seemed a bit less anxious when he put it into use. They were done pretty quickly and Javier then took out the cookies from the oven, letting them cool on the rack. He glanced on the watch on his wrist and then looked at Pet.

,,They should arrive soon, little one,” he smiled.

Pet softly chirped, its feathers a little ruffled. It was nervous.

Master crouched next to it and Pet quickly lowered, keeping its eyes down. Master softly lifted its chin and scratched it gently.

,,There´s nothing to be afraid of,” he reassured. ,,If it's too much for you, you can simply go and hide in my bedroom, okay? I won't be mad.”

Pet nodded. Hiding in Master's bedroom sounded so tempting, but it knew that Master wanted to show it off and it didn't want to disappoint him. It quietly whined. Master smiled and scratched its ears.

,,Good pet.”

Pet felt a warm swirling feeling in its stomach when he praised it. A purr escaped its throat. It half-closed its eyes and enjoyed Master´s touch.

The doorbell rang and Pet flinched, instantly becoming scared again. Its fur bristled and it curled up, looking at the door anxiously.

,,Don´t worry, pal. It'll be okay, alright?” Master repeated and got up, leaving to open the door. Pet clinged to the side of the couch and started shivering, waiting for Master and his friends to arrive.

,,Javi! Hey, bro, we haven't seen you for so long!”

,,Where's the pet? Oh my god, I need to see it, now!”

,,Dude, I missed you so much…”

The voices filled the apartment, loud and warm, and Pet shuffled a little, anxious to meet Master´s friends. It waited while they were taking their clothes and shoes off in the hall, and then, then they finally came in and saw Pet.

One of them, a girl with long, straight brown hair and a few bleached strands, and big dangly golden earrings, instantly squeaked and launched herself forward on the Pet. The creature whined in fear and flinched, quickly pulling away and trying to retrieve, but the girl threw herself around Pet´s neck and hugged it too tightly.

,,Awwww, Javi! It´s so huge and fluffy! Oh my god!!”

Pet squirmed and whimpered when the brunette basically shouted into its ear in a high-pitched tone, but she didn´t let go. Pet knew it shouldnt pull away or resist any touch, but, this was so scary and the girl wouldnt let it go and her strong perfume was making it hard to breathe and-

,,Sidi, leave it, its scared as fuck.”

Master´s warm hands saved Pet from the girls - Sidi - clutch. Sidi frowned at Javier, but she left Pet alone. The creature tried to muffle its whines, clinging to Masters legs like its life depended on it.

,´m sorry, little one,” he softly ruffled its fur and Pet pressed its head into his palm, ,,I should´ve known Sidi would be excited.”

Pet just whimpered, unable to move.

Master crouched next to it, his big warm hand resting on Pets back. He looked at the other two people.

,,So, this is Tee,” he said softly, ,,They brought you something, as a gift.”

Tee grinned a little. They had short, messy red hair, and wore a red crop top with a fishnet and black jeans, as well as a dark red leather jacket.

,,Tara brought the gifts,” they corrected Javier and slowly approached the Pet, giving it time and space, in stark contrast with Sidi's previous behavior, ,,I forgot.”

,,Okay, so Tara brought you something,” chuckled Javier.

Tara was taller then Tee, and she had dark brown, almost black hair in a ponytail. She was wearing a hoodie and her lip and eyebrow were pierced. Now she smiled and slowly extended a hand towards Pet, waiting for it to sniff it before she ran her fingers through its thick fur.

,,I brought you some treats,” she said. Pet blinked a few times, confused. Treats? Weren´t treats meant for… Normal, good pets? Pets who were actually cute and pretty and not… monsters?

Tara reached in her pocket and pulled out a plastic packet. Pet flicked its ears as she opened it, reached inside and offered it a small piece of something that smelled very, very good.

Pet anxiously glanced at Master.

,,Go for it, buddy,” he assured it. ,,You can take it.”

Pet slowly, carefully brought its nose to Tara´s palm, waiting to be slapped. Tara smiled at it. ,,It´s all yours,” she said softly.

Pet nervously opened its mouth a bit, reaching for the treat, trying its best not to get its saliva all over Tara´s palm. It took the treat and chewed it softly, surprised by how crunchy and tasty it is. It chirped a little and Tara giggled. ,,So cute.”

Pet´s ears flicked. Was it?

,,Have you named it yet?” asked Tee and scratched behind Pet´s ear. Pet gratefully leaned to their touch, desperate to prove that Tara was right.

,,No,” admitted Javier. ,,Haven´t thought about it yet.”

,,Can I name it?” Sidi perked up. ,,It looks like a… Bella. I would call it Bella.”

Tee rolled their eyes. ,,C´mon, Sidi, look at how cool it is. You can´t just call a giant winged wolf Bella.”

Sidi scoffed and stuffed a cookie in her mouth.

,,Do you know anything about its previous owner?” Tara asked as she wrapped her arm around Tee´s shoulders and sat on the couch.

,,I just know that it was a huge dick,” shrugged Javier and headed over to the kitchen corner to make them coffee. ,,Pet ended up kinda traumatized.”

Sidi scoffed again. ,,Traumatised? Dude, its a fucking scary, probably dangerous creature. Of course he had to be strict with it.”

,,How could it be dangerous?” argued Javier and Pet shivered when it sensed the slight tone of anger in his voice. ,,I mean, look at it, Sidi. It almost had a heart attack when you jumped at it. It could´ve bite you or scratch you and it did nothing. I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't hurt a fly.”

Pet for once wished it could speak. It wanted to tell them the things Old Master did to make sure it would never, never hurt him, or even think about hurting him. He made it hurt others, though. It hated that. It didn´t want to cause harm, it just- it just wanted to be good. But that girl, Sidi, was right. Old Master had to be strict. It deserved that. It was still just a beast, a potentional threat, and Old Master made sure it would never try to hurt its owner or his friends.

It curled up next to its cage, far enough from the couch to not annoy Master´s friends. Tara turned on the TV and they started watching a movie. Javier waited till the coffee was done and brought it over to the couch, sitting next to Sidi, who instantly clinged to him. Javier sighed, Pet could sense he was uncomfortable, but he didn´t push the girl away. He turned to Pet and it lowered.

,,Come here, little one,” he suggested. ,,You can watch it with us.”

Pet wasn´t sure. It didn´t want to bother them, but Master ordered it to come, so it did without a second thought. Master ruffled its fur and then patted a place next to him.

,,C´mon, up, little one.”

Pet obeyed and curled up next to his side, purring softly when he put his arm around it.

Sidi chuckled. ,,Little one?” she repeated. ,,That thing is all kinds of stuff, but definitely not little.”

Javier shook his head. ,,It likes that nickname. And I like it too.”

Pet flinched when it heard the stern warning in his voice. It clinged to his side, pressed its head into his hand and hoped it would never do anything that would make Master use this tone on it.