#With the way my thought process goes I'm assuming it's both

[sincerity--extreme]

Sometimes I forget how sneaky trauma can be, how little things can become huge in a blink of an eye, and even though I've been here many times for many reasons, I'm always left completely baffled over how much things, no matter how big or small, can affect people and completely change us, for example, right now I'm thinking of how much I underestimated the simple act of being able to close my bedroom door and just existing by myself with a little bit silence that simply does not exist in this house otherwise, I never really thought of it, I'd always just get up and close my door when I wanted or needed silence, and now I can't do that and it's so incredibly overwhelming I just want to cry and rip my ears out but I'm too exhausted to even make a sound whenever I actually reach that point

[luveline]

if you felt comfortable would you write the KBU au with steve and reader during/just after the birth of avery? 🥺

kisses before dinner —you and steve have a baby. mom!reader, 1.1k

Just like that, Steve's a dad. 

He wonders if he's supposed to feel different, and he does in little ways. Exhausted, worried, and unbearably happy —the kind of happiness to make your ribs hurt— Steve is feeling a hundred layers of emotion right now, but it isn't his emotion that takes centre stage, it's yours. 

You've been stiff with panic since your contractions started, and while that panic turned to happy tears the moment they laid her on your chest, you're looking at the baby like you're terrified of her, stiffness returned. Genuine fear. 

"Come on," he says softly, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "She's not half as ugly as we worried."

She's beautiful. Steve's legs hurt after all these hours of standing by your side, and he can't bear to look away from the baby's face, her face, and it doesn't matter. You're his priority. He juggles these two things as he assumes he'll be juggling them for the rest of his life, happily if clumsily. 

"Please smile, honey," he says. 

You relax almost imperceptibly with his murmuring. "I am smiling." 

"You're grimacing. Ten dollar word." He crouches and steps back enough for you to see his face clearly. "Are you happy? Like, truthfully?" he asks, knowing 'truthfully' isn't a word he says. Accusing the new mother of his child of lying feels a bit dick-ish, though.

"Of course I'm happy." 

"It's okay if you're not happy. I'm not happy if you're not happy, I'm–" 

"Steve." Your smile is sad in a way, but your eyes aren't half as scared as they were. "I am happy, I'm just worried. No more trial run… I'm a mom." 

"You're a mom." He doesn't mean to say it with the world's cheesiest smile. "I didn't know they made 'em like you, I would've started chasing moms years ago." 

You laugh. He's always loved your laugh because it's yours, and it couldn't come at a better time, not even when you were pushing. None of them sounded as happy as this one. "I'm a mom," you say, still laughing. 

"I know." He leans in to dash a kiss against your cheek. You perk up at the attention, so he does it twice more. 

“This is gonna be so fun,” you say. 

His heart rears to explode. Steve puts one hand on yours under the weight of the baby and the other behind your shoulder. “Just don't let me drop her,” you say.

“My hand’s already there.” 

“Okay. I love you. Are you sure?” 

“Don't freak out.” He thinks so many things in that moment but the loudest is, aw, my girl. “You're good, babe, I love you. This is gonna be fun, just like you said. We're gonna love it.” 

Steve sits on the side of the bed and holds you like that for a while. You relax at the support and watch the baby's little face in sleep. She has the most dainty face Steve has ever seen in person. She's so, so small. He kinda thought she'd be bigger considering the whole nine month gestation period and all your aches and pains, but she's perfect. He could fit her in two hands. 

“Avery,” you say. 

You picked it out together ages ago. Seeing her now cements it. “Avery,” he repeats happily, failing to resist the urge to touch her face again. 

You need time to recover and thankfully, the nurses and doctors haven't rushed the process. You're clean but in pain, and Steve gets to hold the baby by himself while you change. 

“Can I help?” he asks, watching you wince. You barely want to stand. 

“No, just hold her.” 

“She won't break if we put her down. She's safer in the bassinet anyways,” he says. 

Your eyes spark with panic as he goes to stand, so he sits, and he chews his cheek raw while you struggle into fresh clothes. 

A knock on the door startles you both. “Hello? Y/N? Steve?” Robin's scratchy voice echoes through the door. Her excitement is unmissable. 

“Yeah, Rob!” 

She opens the door carefully but enters the room less so. There's so much stuff hanging from the crooks of her elbows she can hardly carry it. “Hey! Oh my god, hey! Is that her? Of course it's her. Is she okay? She's okay, are you okay?” She turns her gaze on you. “Holy shit, do you need help?” 

You've only got a couple of buttons to do and the waistband of your pants to cinch, but Robin immediately drops all of her things to help you finish. 

Steve shares his first private smile with his very first daughter. “She's not always like this,” he murmurs. 

“How are you feeling?” Robin asks. She sounds treacherously concerned and overwhelmingly happy. 

“Maybe she is,” he adds. 

“I'm okay, Robin,” you say, reaching for her hand. “It hurts worse than people say. But it's over now.” 

“Thank Jesus!” Robin finishes her buttoning and ties a deft bow with your drawstrings. “Come on, mom, let's get you back to bed. Jesus, Steve, you couldn't have helped her?” She's mostly kidding. 

Steve lifts Avery. “She put me on baby duty.” 

Robin almost trips over her bags trying to get to him. “Steve,” she says, as though this one word should be enough for him, planting herself by his side. It's been a long time since he bothered trying to put boundaries between them, he doesn't even want them, he's proud as he can be as he lowers the baby to give his best friend ample view of her. While she looks, he lifts his gaze to you where you limp back to the bed. 

“Oh,” he says, “Rob, are you ready to hold her? Meet your niece. Arms out.” 

Robin stammers but holds her arms out. Steve transfers Avery in her swaddle carefully as careful can be. “Hold her head, okay? Lean back.” 

“Wait, you made this look easy. Steve–” 

Your eyes are wide as he stands and turns away from the bed. “Steve,” you say. 

“No more saying my name in this room, it's banned,” he says, putting his hands under your arms to make sure you're steady where you stand. You stop walking, pain in the line of your mouth. “Come on, honey. Let's get you back to bed.” 

Your eyes shine with tears, but you don't cry. You use his arms to push back up onto the bed and shuffle slowly into position before you put your arms out. He leans in for a hug. 

“Oh, Steve,” you say with a laugh, all soft and warm, having found the only exception to his new rule, “I wanted the baby back, honey.” 

“I know,” he sighs. 

[thr0wnawayy]

Rei-Demption: A problem and my solution (ft. Rei's trauma and Hori's bullshit)

Might as well give my shot at it.

My take on Rei's personality has always been based in suppression.

Rei's whole life has been a balancing act of doing enough to protect her family, while still staying within the lines to not get disposed of.

She's everything Enji isn't. An iron will, a golden heart and a strong sense of empathy.

So with that in mind, hopefully it she'd light on it thought process with this post

A theory I have is that Rei was aware of the hospital's corruption

These panels always felt off too me, it always made me wonder: "does she know?"

The wording is very specific.

"I told him I liked it, around the first time we met. But only once"

It always struck me as odd, We're talking about the man who looked at his eldest death and kept going, man who destroyed multiple lives for a redundant pipedream.

It's not even why would he remember such a small detail, but rather how?

Unless... the doctors are feeding him information.

Think about it, who pays for all this. Surely it's not Fuyumi, on account of this being a massive money sink.

You really expect her to pay for all that on a teachers salary?

It can't be Natsuo because Enji has likely cut him off from everything to his name.

And that's assuming Enji even bothered to save up a college fund for any of them. Plus Natsuo is a full time student of medicine.

If the doctors are watching her every move, looking for any sign of deviation from the narrative then it makes sense for her to disguise her words.

Of course there's still more

Having PTSD isn't something you can keep someone institutionalized for. Especially when Rei's is very proportionate, given what she's gone through. (No, Japan's stigma of mental health wouldn't justify this)

I mean what are Rei's triggers?: Enji and that's about it.

"But we still... haven't met face to face, I'm still too afraid"

That's a standard reaction to have to your abuser (especially when he raped you multiple times)

('Just stop' gets a whole lot darker when you consider it's context)

Not to mention she's no longer fearful of anything resembling Enji, just Enji himself. So there is no real reason to keep her there unless they are afraid she might speak out.

This whole thing makes me think she's trying to tell Natsuo and Fuyumi what's really going on, in a way.

Subtly and under the calm, complacent mask she's expected to wear, in case anyone else is listening. Anyone who could report back to him.

It might also be she doesn't trust them. Fuyumi or Natsuo could blab or say something within earshot that could set Rei back months.

And she can't have that, not with how close she is to finally breaking free. She loves her children, all of them but the trust just isn't there, how can it be when when they don't have all the pieces.

So here's my theory: The hospital staff are in Enji's pockets. Either taking bribes (as recent as Dabi's Dance) or they were given a large sum of hush money when Rei was first hospitalized, with the goal of keeping her there as long as possible and possibly molding her to either keep her mouth shut or (sickeningly) gaslight her into returning to Enji.

(Note how she was only released when they could no longer keep a lid on things, the moment Dabi frops the bomb. She's out, no struggle)

This paints a picture of grotesque corruption, sloth and apathy (the very same cocktail that created Shigaraki) even by Hori's narrative standards. Shedding light on just how deep MHA's despotic nature goes.

The anime makes this even more apparent. Rei's fake smiles make the whole thing that much more viable. She seems so dead, it's like she smothered her soul or something.

I've seen both the sub and dub of this scene. The sub is the correct translation, the same as the Manga panel above.

The Dub however, while severly off mark, adds it's own flavour of dread. Rei sound so hollow, it was jarring the first time I heard it.

It sounded like she was reading a script (in-universe). Like she'd rehearsed this in her mind a million times, staring at the same 3 white walls + the window and waiting for an opening to finally speak.

That was supposed to be Shoto, until the dorms ruined that. Suddenly Rei's lifeline is gone, reduced to letters that don't even tell half the story.

10 years, 10 fucking years reduced to lines on a page.

Can you imagine the despair, dear reader?

The frustration. The sheer vitriol coursing thorough her veins, far hotter than Touya could ever manage.

Having to do the same thing she's been doing even before she was locked away. As the the skeleton in the closet of a criminal with a license.

Wearing masks for so long you can hardly breath and in the brief moments you can take them off. You can hardly recognize yourself, how you once were.

It must be the truest form of hell.

The Rei-demption Arc

Rei's redemption arc takes the attention of our theoretical arc without overtaking it.

The arc would mostly focus on the more domestic aspects of our trio being: Midoriya, Shoto and Uraraka.

A few minor changes would occur. The dorms never happen, allowing the characters to exist outside of UA.

There is solid confirmation that Fujiya is corrupt and is keeping Rei institutionalized on illegal grounds (ie: not meeting the criteria set up to ensure her silence)

The dinner scene would still happen only it would bd framed for what it really was. A pathetic attempt at creating a moment that never existed.

There's no family with Enji.

Just a family held hostage and a tyrant. I have my own grievances with Fuyumi, but I'll leave that for the future.

The only difference besides Natsuo being properly portrayed as a victim acting well within his right, the reasons for our trio going would be for Shoto's emotional wellbeing, because he asked them to.

Uraraka could have a moment where she realizes that money is as much as good as it is bad. An actually decent shift into her change of goals.

Here Enji motivates her to "watch the watchmen". Her need for money is still a crucial part of her reasons for becoming a hero, but she also has a more front and center goal.

I'd imagine she has a moment parallel to Midoriya's during the Sports Festival.

Where (alone in front of the Dojo after the failed dinner) she rightfully calls out Enji for being a self pitying piece of shit and that "sorry" doesn't cut it.

"You've hurt them in ways you can't imagine." Would probably be the last thing she says before walking away.

She may not know the whole story but she knows it hurt them and that's enough.

Rei's ascent

Rei's biggest hurdle is accepting that she was also an abuse victim. She's furious but she's only furious on her children's behalf and what they lost.

Her unintentionally harmful actions weigh on her, be it her neglect or the night she scalded Shoto, these events have impacted her deeply.

She learns to reconcile with her past, improve her relationship with Shoto and even meets Shoto's friends at one point.

Eventually she finds closure but that's later on.

She also acts as an advisor at times, having given Shoto the idea of using Ice projectiles (as seen in the Licensing Exam)

The second half comes from the Hospitals corruption, as Rei learns that she is long overdue for release (by about 8 years) among other horrific practices. This would play out as the arc's B plot, building up to what I call "The Summit"

The Summit

Eventually Rei fights Hood.

After gathering the evidence, she escapes the hospital. Planning to go to Natsuo for protection. As she's walking across a crosswalk however, she hears what sounds like an explosion.

Eventually she hears screaming and is forced to use her quirk as a bus is suddenly sent hurdling in her general direction.

As of her body moved on its own, she envelops it in her ice. Stopping the bus and saving those behind her in the process.

Only to see Hood land on top. They lock eyes and Rei can't help but see Touya in Hoods ambition.

In response to Rei holding her ground, Hood dashes. Rei counters this by manipulating her ice to send him crashing into an empty building, impaling him on the glaciers end.

Hood is impressed by Rei's proficiency and chooses to fight her.

Rei having no experience, fights for her life. Where as Rei avoids Civilians, Hood has no care for them which forces Rei to play the role of hero.

Rei uses every weapon in her arsenal in order to stave off Hood, who only gets more relentless as the battle stretches on. The upside is Hood's regeneration struggles in the cold, which Rei is constantly producing.

Each side gets blows in, with Rei taking them surprisingly well but still being worse for wear. Hood notes this saying "as if y-you've done t-t-this before" (close, Hood very close)

Eventually Hood gets the upper hand, towering over Rei in a manner that triggers her PTSD and leaves her stunned.

One of the civilians (Horoshi Tameda) emboldened by Rei's efforts, picks up a loose chunk of pavement and chucks it at Hood's back. It hits, causing Hood to look back.

Civilians begin making loud noise, others begin picking up anything they can find and throw it at Hood. Further catching him off guard long enough for Rei to snap out of her episode and strike back.

From here the fight kicks into high gear, with Rescue heroes & paramedics arriving on the scene and a camera crew recording the fight from above. Overall I imagine the scene to be very uplifting, with the Orchestra swelling as Rei prepares a final attack.

The move rivals that of Shoto's, arguably even surpassing it. Hoof is incased in a prison of Ice, covering an entire city block worth of destroyed buildings. And the fight finishes with Rei collapsing to her knees.

From here on out things change. Rei's newfound fame leads to the hospital being forced to do their job. Because of this Rei gets out early (around the time the Internship arc would started had I not scrapped it)

As for what this could lead to I'll let you decide. I'd love to read some suggestions.

Bonuses:

Theories:

The reason they kicked Fuyumi from her job is because she covered an abuser's ass for years. While Fuyumi is a victim, it doesn't excuse her complacency in regards to Enji's treatment of Shoto before and after his "self pity" arc.

Natsuo didnt go to someone because he wouldn't likely be believed, being seen as bitter and untrustworthy (his time away from home wouldn't help with pinning evidence).

Extra:

Hood survived the fight, Rei opted to capture him as opposed to kill him. That doesn't mean he didn't get frost bite. Police found out it is very difficult to question a Nomu.

Out of all her trauma. Rei accepting she was never given a choice will be the hardest to accept.

Rei's family is not inbred, rather her parents ran away so her father wouldn't be forced into a marriage with his cousin. Only to ironically do the very same to their daughter.

Hiroshi still becomes a meme, his 'Can't you see speech' leads to him becoming a motivational speaker.

The reason Hood appeared is because Dabi lost track of him. He nearly had a heart attack when he discovered his mom was holding the Nomu off.

[reddraven]

Hi hi! So my post about pain processing has gained some traction and I just thought I'd share my tips on how to get the most out of your freaky masochistic shenanigans.

(Disclaimer that I am not an educator of any kind. Literally I'm just some guy who likes pain)

1. Dispersion

This is my favorite pain processing method. The point here is to visualize the pain spreading throughout your body, decreasing in intensity as it travels further from the point of origin.

The easiest way to do this (for me) is to visualize the pain as a color that loses saturation as it flows through my body

So lets say its a spanking scene... with each strike, I might imagine a bright blue flash of light that starts at my ass and then becomes duller and duller as I visualize that light moving into my torso, through my limbs, and eventually fading away entirely

If you struggle with visualizations, you can also focus on things like heat or texture... Your skin will naturally warm up and become more sensitive while you're being (consensually) roughed up, so think about that heat... think about how intense it is at the point of impact, and then think about it spreading throughout your body, becoming cooler and cooler as it travels

2. Breathing

This is something I picked up from my marching band days and I've found that it puts me in an almost meditative state during scenes.

This is a simple one... just focus on breathing in for four counts, holding your breath for 2 counts, and then exhaling for another 4 counts and repeat

Any time you start to feel yourself panicking or struggling to process pain, just return to that breath

3. Allow yourself to feel

This is probably the most important tip, but if you're like me, then outwardly expressing pain might not come naturally to you

Just... feel... react... allow your body to release. Whether that's screaming or whining or crying or wiggling, do it

I promise you that sitting and toughing out the pain in silence is only going to detract from the experience... and that (usually) goes for both you and your partner. Sadists often like to see your reactions... that's part of the fun... so (assuming your Dom(me) allows it) feel free to react.

I've had breakdowns in the middle of scenes before because I was holding my reactions in, and as soon as my Dom increased the intensity, alllll of that pain bubbled out of me all at once... It wasn't fun... don't do that to yourself

Masochists love pain! But remember that pain tolerance and masochism are not the same thing! Its okay if you enjoy pain scenes, but still struggle to process all that intense sensation

If you love pain like I do, feel free to share your tips and experiences! I love you, my masochistic friends 💕

[vicsbasement]

From what we’ve seen so far it almost looks like Carlos has been trying to make it easier for Charles? Take the chili plushie clip, Carlos is clearly teary eyed but he still tries to make Charles laugh. He is the one who’s hurting but he puts his own hurt aside because he notices that Charles is sad too and he has to make him laugh, because if there’s something else I’ve noticed in the past years is that Carlos loves seeing Charles happy

Anon! Firstly, are you the same anon from the other day? Let me kiss your brain, because I love talking about these boys so so so much and for some reason people really enjoyed the conversation we had. Anyway!!!! Let's talk about this for a second. Carlos is definitely having a hard time. If we're going blindly on the timeline, we have to assume Carlos knows about his exit from Ferrari ever since before the Dakar finale, (this is just especulation, though, because we don't know for certain) and he sort of, kind of, blew off Ferrari and the Maranello trials to go celebrate with his dad. Pretty sure he wouldn't have done this if he didn't have enough leverage on Ferrari because the trials at Maranello are SUPER important, but first, his dad just won Dakar at his age, and then he's like: well, I mean, I'm getting kicked out of the team anyway and I won't be active during the development of the next car, so, whatever, let's just do this,-- and he went and did it. That's my idea. He needed to be with his father because they all knew. I'm pretty sure they even knew during the training camp at Madrid / Portugal because he's surrounded by friends and already doing the absolute most to get in an amazing shape because he needs to be his best version this year. But-- then when he meets up with Charles again, Charles even feels blindsided. Because like I said previously, Lewis is Lewis. And he comes with sponsors and 7 world titles and his experience and all of a sudden Charles isn't really Ferrari's most important figure inside the team. So they're both trying to soothe each other. Because for the first time ever, Charles doesn't feel like the golden boy, he probably even feels like Ferrari did him dirty (that's what I would've thought, anyway) because who pays two or three times your salary to your second driver? Not any team, that's for certain. Carlos was stability for Charles and it's like his world was thrown off its axis. They were equals, similar in status, genuinely a good team. Charles feels bad and Carlos sees it, because he's lost his teammate, they were supposed to beat Ferrari's record of the teammates that lasted longer and now, well.

And Carlos knows this, and sees Charles handling it just as bad as himself and goes: well. If I don't have to think about this, and make him laugh, then neither of us need to focus on this, right? And the first challenge rolls around and he's tired but Charles is doing his best so why not sing until Charles' annoyed so he doesn't have to see how bone-tired Carlos is? He's sort of protecting Charles' heart by protecting his own. And then there's the little chili and I can simply see Carlos' thought process: this is the last first race of the year with Ferrari, and someone gifted him a chili. And he's chili and he's smooth operator and he's supposed to be fine, but his throat closes up and his eyes fill with tears and he doesn't want Charles to see him like this but it's so much. So he tries to laugh it off. And when he sees that Charles is also thinking the same thing he says, well. At least we're in this together. So he makes Charles laugh by saying he was a chili, too. We don't know what he means, but Charles is so fond and so filled with nostalgia that he laughs, anyway, even though his throat is dry and his eyes are filled with tears. And he gets to keep the chili plushie after Carlos reminded him they're supposed to part ways.

Remember Monza 2022? When Carlos completely ignored the woman who was guiding him to the back of the track so he could follow protocol? And he broke protocol to ask Charles if he was okay? Yeah, that's Carlos, to me. And I no longer feel like he's the only one capable of doing that for Charles, I really have seen Charles fight british and italian press and tell them to respect Carlos' last year in Ferrari, and I see Charles perfectly capable to soothe Carlos as much as Carlos has tried to soothe him. Because he's mourning in front of all of us, basically. And Carlos did go to Jeddah not only to help Ollie, but for Charles' sake, too. Did you see the smile Charles had on his face when they asked him about Carlos and he said that he'd called Senior and he'd told him that it was all okay and that he might've been going to the track later that day? He's doing that in front of all of us, showing us how much Carlos means to him. This is the best and worst time for Charlos fans right now and we have to deal with these two behaving like that for the rest of the year. I don't know how we're going to cope. Again, thank you for sending me these, because I just love to type until I don't make any sense.

[genericpuff]

I was kind of curious: What do you think of Persephone's therapy scenes in episodes 160-161?

I personally liked them, but you and many other LO critics always seem to see things that totally flew over my head (I mean that in a positive way).

I think the idea behind them was fine, just the execution that felt really half-baked. Rachel doesn't like scenes to sit too long so the therapy scene, of course, wound up being rushed in the course of 2-3 episodes (meaning she had to have Persephone dump everything all at once) and while Persephone's dialogue is handled relatively well, the direction of the scene itself feels entirely mismanaged (which is both a side effect of Rachel's directionless writing and the fact that she clearly doesn't want to do more than one of these kinds of episodes so she needs to speedrun it).

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion concerning sexual assault ahead!

Like, let's start with Persephone's intent in going to therapy. Wanting to pursue therapy doesn't just happen suddenly, there's usually a "trigger event" to make someone realize "I need help", whether it be hitting rock bottom or even just going "I feel like I don't have the skills or tools necessary to deal with what I'm dealing with, I need a professional opinion".

Despite Eros advising her to go to therapy all the way back in S1 to address her assault-

-she actually finally goes to therapy in S2 not to address the assault, but to address... how she feels insecure in comparison to Hera who she just found out Hades had a long-term affair with??? At least that's definitely the implication.

And then of course the therapy session itself segues immediately into "Persephone is a high achiever and it's because of her mom being overbearing" which Rachel doesn't connect at all to either the SA or her feeling insecure compared to Hera (which, by the way, barely even has anything to do with her, but she didn't - and still doesn't - have the emotional maturity or self-respect to realize that Hades is a serial cheater-)

That's where the first therapy episode cuts off, and then the next episode immediately opens with Persephone writing her entire backstory on a whiteboard, so we can assume time has passed and she's talked about everything from her childhood up until this point.

Then we get Chiron asking Persephone... what could go wrong if she leaves TGOEM??

Even though we never saw any of the actual sequence so it just feels like a question that's coming out of nowhere? Like did Persephone say during that schpeel that she wanted to leave TGOEM? Isn't that something we should have seen to connect these two trains of thought?

Ah, right, because we have to get into Hades. Because this comic fails the Bechdel test so hard it can't even have a character talk about their trauma or childhood without it seguing into "well there's this one specific main character guy I just really wanna sleep with-"

Don't get me wrong, if Rachel is trying to "deconstruct purity culture" here, I can get her angle with this, if Persephone has been "groomed her entire life" to be an eternal maiden then there's clearly some thought processes about sexual attraction there that are being challenged by her attraction to Hades. But it just feels so rushed purely for the sake of getting her through her trauma and childhood problems and everything that Rachel tacked onto her backstory (in an attempt to make her seem more than just a self-insert) so that Rachel can get her back on track to sleeping with Hades, the one and only man she's clearly ever felt sexual attraction to enough to want to leave TGOEM and question her entire childhood.

And then we get this and I just-

Like first of all, again, Persephone being a complete airhead and not realizing that it has less to do with her possibly being an inadequate partner and more to do with Hades being a serial cheater who also used her as an emotional affair partner;

but ALSO the fact that the conclusion is some "eureka" moment of "you're a bad decision maker" ??? I was a fan of the comic still when this scene happened and even I went "huh?"

Like she doesn't bother to try and connect it to everything she just learned and said about her childhood and how she wants to be the "perfect daughter" who will make everyone happy, Chiron just reduces it to "oh you just suck at making decisions". As if "sucking at making decisions" isn't like, a reactionary extension of deeper problems. She's treating it as if Persephone is some "puzzle" to be solved and her being a "bad decision maker" was the answer when it's undoubtedly just one of many side effects of her upbringing. It feels like she's addressing the cough and not the virus.

Also a little off topic but-

Gotta love how we've never seen Persephone actually employ this homework from her therapist because she's constantly stapled to Hades and the only thing she cares about is his happiness. Literally, I don't think Persephone could possibly answer that question because she's never been independent enough to even learn what makes her happy - she's jumped from wanting to make her mother happy to wanting to make Hades happy but we're supposed to condemn the former and celebrate the latter.

Buuut of course we don't get her answering that question because again, Rachel can't spend more than 30 seconds on a single scene because that would demand too much writing and thought from her. So we cut to Hera having a discussion with Asclepius regarding her scars re-opening, yadda yadda.

By the time we cut back to the therapy session at the start of the next episode (that's three episodes that have been spent basically accomplishing nothing because none of the thought threads tie together in a meaningful way beyond what the audience has to assume) Chiron is conveniently wrapping things up and it's then and only then does Rachel try to actually incorporate the SA plotline that was Persephone's ORIGINAL MOTIVATION in going to therapy.

Now, the scene for the most part is fine, I don't really like how the therapy session was written leading up to it, but her describing her freeze response and how she feels guilty she couldn't "fight back" is a very real feeling that I can definitely say was well written.

My one gripe with it though - and sure, this might be nitpicky, but here me out - is this:

I don't particularly like that Chiron the therapist just found out about her patient being a rape victim - someone who's also said she doesn't like people grabbing her / touching her without her consent - and then decides the best course of action is to comfort her... while touching her.

Now I want to make it perfectly clear, it's not against the law or even the code of ethics to make physical contact between a therapist and their patient. Loads of patients have made breakthroughs with their therapists that have called for hugs and while some therapists may not be okay with it, there are definitely therapists who are who fully understand that hugs in those moments are the best thing for a person. But it's still a general boundary that is there and even with patients who aren't victims of SA, consent needs to be asked for / given.

So Chiron just... coming over and touching Persephone on the knee, while undoubtedly seen as a "warm and comforting act" by those who have had similar sessions with their own therapists or even just those who have no clue and see it on the surface level as being "sweet", really irks me, because it just seems so tone deaf to do with a character like Persephone who is supposed to be a victim of having her bodily autonomy taken away from her.

Again, it's a small criticism, and undoubtedly a nitpick in the eyes of some, but a simple "can I give you a hug?" from either Chiron or Persephone would have gone a long way in accomplishing Persephone's need for consent and bodily autonomy a lot more than just having Chiron come up and touch her leg without her consent. Please, for the love of god, let Persephone have some autonomy, asking for consent doesn't ruin the moment.

And that's pretty much it, Persephone talks about how she feels like she's tethered to Apollo, and Chiron assures her that's not the case, session over, Persephone goes outside to Hades aaaand notice how we never actually tackled that "I feel insecure because of my partner having former partners?" thing? Notice how the best we got was her talking about her fears of being an "inadequate partner" which focused entirely on her not being "enough" for Hades and being a "bad decision maker" rather than pointing out 1.) Hades' own faults in being a serial cheater that would undoubtedly contribute to her insecurities and 2.) what Persephone could do for Hades rather than what Hades could do for Persephone? It's always "I don't know if I'm good enough for him" and never "I don't know if he's good enough for me."

Yet another F-- on Lore Olympus' Bechdel test. Every single thing tacked onto Persephone's backstory is meant purely to get her with Hades - TGOEM is just an obstacle preventing her from having sex with Hades, the assault is just a framing device to show how much "better" Hades is for Persephone than Apollo, her overbearing childhood is just to show how much more "free" she is now that she's not living with her mother and is living with Hades instead, etc.

No agency, no autonomy, no character, even when it tries.

[erinwantstowrite]

It's so amazing how your fanfiction has consumed my mind every waking hour LMAO I'm just that one TikTok audio that goes: ERINNNN DROP ANOTHER LoF CHAPTER AND MY LIFE IS YOURRSSS 👹👹👹👹

Jokes aside. Here goes my question! I saw you said somewhere that LoF would have three parts (if I'm not mistaken). How long do you think they'll be? (Chapter wise) will we see other characters in those stories that we haven't seen yet in this one? Or we are going to keep the same cast. I'm just so curious about what is the thought process behind!

(sorry if this is not so good, I don't really speak English but I really like your story!)

(Your English is great, don't worry about it!)

LoF is going to have three parts, yeah!

Leap of Faith (Catch Me, if You Can)

In This Continuum (Everything Comes Back)

The Only Way (That I Can Be)

The chapter count is always changing because my outline loves to change on me, which is why I don't have it set on ao3 yet and it's currently got the "10/?" But!! Right now, LoF might be 17 chapters. As for the other 2, I don't quite know yet. There's a lot that I want to include, and it would take me writing the outlines to know for sure, but I'd assume they'd be around the same length as LoF. I won't know until LoF is finished and I start on ITC and then TOW

And we do get to see new characters that we haven't seen yet! In a couple upcoming chapters, we'll see some other DC characters show up. ITC will have MJ and Harry make an appearance, and both ITC and TOW will have some classic villains show up from both worlds :3 And while we do have new characters coming in, we keep the same cast. The world just gets a little bigger!

[bl-bracket]

Anyways I was going to make a post about the process of picking bracket topics and whatnot and was trying to come up with some examples of types of topics that would or wouldn't work and for whatever reason I thought of the concept of a "best murderer bracket" and I can't stop thinking about it lmao

it's just like such a funny concept? the idea of fictional murderers battling it out, especially ones from bls (which like I don't think is most people who are not super familiar with the genre as having a lot of characters who have killed people) is just funny in like an absurd way. like abstracting yourself from tumblr and tournament blogs, the idea of telling someone else that there's a tournament going for fictional murderers from east asian mlm tv shows, a genre that for several years was primarily shows about high school and uni students.

anyways that devolved into thinking about it more seriously, and then deciding a more practical way of doing it would to make some kind of directory of bl murderers. which would then lead to a lot of interesting statistical analysis, like characters with highest on screen kill counts, which countries have the highest proportion of fictional killers, etc. you can then make a separate category for characters with implied kills that aren't explicitly shown on screen or vague. and you could track how the number increases over time, which I assume exponentially goes up as more bls are exploring darker and more serious genres.

anyways back to the country stats, I started thinking about what the breakdown would look like so here's my guess based on zero research and just my general knowledge of shows

China. While having very few bls (censored or otherwise), they have a very unfair advantage and that is genre conventions. The 3 biggest Chinese bls I can think of are: The Untamed, Word of Honor, and Guardian. With The Untamed and Word of Honor, the conventions of xianxia and wuxia genres means that there are a lot of characters and almost all of them have killed before (usually nameless canon fodder but still). And then with Guardian, it's a supernatural detective mystery show with murder plots in it and a lot of characters, which again leads to a pretty high kill count. So even only counting these 3 shows, China will probably have the most killers in bl, or at the very least most kills done.

Thailand. It's a numbers game on this one. There's just so many Thai bls and an increasing number of like detective or mafia ones. A show like Kinnporsche has a lot of killers and deaths. Then there's other shows that include a few murderers (but less than Kinnporsche) like The Sign, Manner of Death, 4 Minutes, 3 Will Be Free, Never Let Me Go (Palm did shoot a couple guys dead elt's nto forget), Dead Friend Forever, etc. However the numbers also hurt Thailand in terms of proportions, since there's a lot more Thai bls that don't have murder, so it actually might be 3rd.

Japan. You're not getting much murder from your Cherry Magics and Old Fashion Cupcakes, which is what a significant portion of bl fan's primary exposure to Japanese bl is, but let's not forget that there's a lot of dark Japanese bls where murder is definitely on the table. Now I don't actually have a good gauge of what the numbers on this is, cause I haven't really delved that deep into this corner of the bl market, so I can't make a good estimation but I bet there's more than I'm aware of.

Taiwan. They've got a couple of mafia shows like HIStory 3: Trapped and Kiseki: Dear to Me, both of which have some implied and explicit murder (though less then you would expect if we're honest). That'll give them a few kills and they also have a relatively smaller pool of shows to pull from, meaning percentage wise it's a bit higher.

South Korea. Ok I am far from an expert of bls from South Korea, but unless there's like obscure short films I'm not aware of, the only drama I can think of from here with kills is Long Time No See? or I guess The Director Who Buys Me Dinner has like 1.5 murders? anyways Korea also has a not insignificant amount of bls to their name so proportionally it will be quite low.

The Philippines. Out of all the countries on this list, I am least familiar with the bls from here, but from what I've gathered during my routine mdl searches, basically all of them seem to be murder-free (unless of course there's some shocking plot twists in them)

anyways I'll probably never do this project just cause it would require a lot of time and collaborative effort and I've got a lot irl going on right now (hence why the submission period for most whipped is so long lol) and also have some other projects I'm already planning on doing so I don't really have time to do it. but I wanted to tell y'all about my thoughts on the matter.

also sorry if this is the weirdest thing I've ever posted. kinda had a major stress breakdown today but then resolved it relatively quickly cause I realized I could just reschedule the life altering appointment that was causing the breakdown lmao so I'm in a strange frame of mind lol

[lillypad-monopoly]

Wild Life Episode 4 Thoughts

once again horrendously late but this time I have no excuse

Hey they won't have to worry about lag this session since that's the gimmick for the first half. (also yay for a non-lethal wildcard!)

Joel responding pog in the chat for Etho dying and then correcting himself when he'd fully processed it was Etho had me in stitches. The number of emotions I went through about that in three seconds flat are unbelievable.

WHAT IS GEM AND JOEL'S RELATIONSHIP?! I was assuming siblings but Grian just called them husband and wife so at this point idk. Pick a canon guys.

The BigB content in other people's episodes this session was fantastic! He plotted with Grian and Ren and Martyn, and the Double Life feels are strong! I was never particularly invested in that DL plotline but I'm happy for the people who are getting so much good content b/c of this.

I can't belive Grian showed Jimmy how to use the trap and was surprised when he took the oppertunuty smh. You had that one coming

Grian destroying Scar's reputation board and then sleeping in his bed is the mixed signals desert duo I LIVE FOR

As someone who watches EVERYTHING on 2x speed I have to disagree with Martyn that it's completely disorienting

Ren's American accent attempt just makes him sound like Goofy actually

I watched the Martyn accidentally kills Jimmy bit like 3 times and I still have no idea what's going on

Bdubs calling out Etho on joining the family is everything.

Etho spending one hour of a three hour recording session mining is hilarious. He committed so hard he chose preparedness over content and I respect that.

Joel is such a wifeguy oh my gosh. Giving Lizzie 11 diamonds, spending half the episode trying to do the romance movie thing with her, agreeing to defend Etho without hesitation twice

Scott and Cleo both offering up a life for Pearl! Scott and Cleo are both so sacrificial that I'm not surprised but it's still such a good relationship moment for them.

Also Scott implicitly saying all is forgiven from previous seasons and they're back together as a group I love him sooo much. Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss is healing guys <3

I think Lizzie getting obsessed with eating a weird food item is just part of her character now (also love her actually being the first person ever to be saved by a suspicious stew)

The way Lizzie unknowingly had the idea for the Green Lives Club and then decided not to do it. I would have killed to see her try and then have Cleo, Scott or Pearl be like "I know how this goes."

Lizzie being the most competent of her allies was not what I expected from the Bamboozlers, but I am living for it. They're such a good teamup.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Brain goes brrrrrr (well mine and @fruityfirehose 's brains - she had the initial thought - I'm just running with it!)

What if we have this seemingly 'cute and happy' moment where tommy is teaching Buck Maui Thai in the loft (my money is on them being in the space between the sitting room and dining table!) - he hits Buck - accidentally (I don't like the guy but I don't think he's evil in that way!) and Buck sits down and uses his camera to check the injury -Tommy is holding back because he did just hurt him (hence the poses in the stills!)

Buck calls Eddie, who comes to help with his medical expertise and assesses Bucks injury.

It gives us several callbacks and parallels to draw on!

I've already pointed out the white hoodie - and the fact Buck is sitting in a chair (I assume the same chair) as in 517 when Taylors betrayal begins - Tommy is in a similar enough position to Taylors as well (we don't get the same camera angles as the stills but you can see what I mean!)

We also get an interesting call back to both their first kiss and more importantly the basketball game - hence the shiner on his face! Tommy is in red/black - like he was for their first kiss in 704 and his shirt is sleeveless like his basketball hoodie was - both have had the sleeves cut off.

This would be interesting as a set up for Bucks arc and the hurdles, baggage, issues - whatever you want to call it at this point! Tommy injuring Buck would call back to Buck hurting Eddie - and play into Bucks tendency to react to difficult situations with anger/aggression - hurting people unintentionally in the process- which also ties into the Gerrard situation from 801 when Buck saved him but injured him in the process.

We also have a callback to 504 (how appropriate after last week!) and 'Ice goes on the eye bud' and maybe an implied reference to 'maybe you don't know [Maddie} like he does' - the injury is in the same-ish place. This would be especially good as the implication that Eddie knows Buck better than Tommy does is just perfectly set up

Buck not dealing with things well when they are not going his way - turning to aggression in some form (the law suit was an act of aggression - just not physical aggression) is an interesting flaw of Bucks that he really hasn't dealt with and really is one that he does need to actively work on and 'fix'. Its one of the parts of Buck that is some baggage he's carrying that he needs to address, and what additionally interesting about it is that if Tommy does (accidentally) hit Buck whilst teaching him Maui Thai, it plays into the theory that Tommy (as the plot device that he is) is an alt version of Buck - there to reflect/ highlight Bucks issues - the ones he needs to work on!

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

omg??? Why am I already tearing up over this fic???

🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

IDK but I'm glad!!!

78 for 🪞:

---

A very new, very much still getting to know each other couple. That hardly seems to factor into a decision like this. 

“You’re serious,” Buck says. 

“As serious as you were when you suggested it to us,” Bobby replies.

“You think I could do it?” Buck asks. 

Bobby smiles. “I do. But it’s a big decision. Huge. Don’t jump in either direction without thinking it through.”

Buck feels a little frozen. He did not come here thinking this was an option he’d live with. He’d counted himself out. Assumed he wasn’t a plausible choice. But something wriggles around in his brain at the thought of being the person to do this. Something positive. He’s always wanted to be a father. He hadn’t exactly considered this pathway. But why not? This is pretty much the age he met Christopher, and Christopher isn’t biologically his, and he couldn’t love that kid any more. He knows he could feel the same way about another kid, the right kid. And this does seem sort of… Serendipitous? 

“And you know...” Bobby continues. “Whatever you decide, you have a whole family of people here who support you and who would help you.”

Buck’s shoulders sag a little. 

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

He has a lot to think about now. 

▪️▪️▪️

Wrestling with a big question about his life, Buck goes to the next most important person he has to factor into his decision-making. Eddie. 

“Do you think I could adopt a kid?” Buck asks when he shows up to Eddie’s, unannounced, directly after leaving Bobby and Athena’s apartment.

Eddie blinks, clearly thrown. He’s sitting in his living room folding laundry in front of the television. 

“Is this about Pipe Baby?” He asks.

“Her name is Dove,” Buck reminds him. “And yes.”

“Dove,” Eddie amends. “I’m not sure what you’re asking, Buck.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you asking if you are actually able to adopt a child or if I think you’d be good at it?” Eddie asks. 

“Both?” Buck asks, walking into the living room to flop down on the couch beside Eddie.

“Well, I don’t know anything about the process,” Eddie says. “So to the first point, I have no clue. To the second point, you already know what I think.”

“I do?” Buck asks.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I didn’t make you Christopher’s guardian in the case of my death because I think you’d be a shitty parent.”

Right. Eddie has a lot of faith in him. 

“But that’s Christopher,” Buck points out. “I already know him.”

Buck has already thought about this, of course. He just wants Eddie’s opinion.

“But you didn’t always,” Eddie says. “And you always treated him like he was important and capable and worth getting to know, anyway.”

“Because he is,” Buck replies.

“You don’t think she is, too?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah. I do think she probably is,” Buck admits.

“Then there you go.”

“That easy, huh?” Buck asks.

“That easy,” Eddie answers.

“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it? Tell me how hard it’ll be?”

Eddie shrugs, focusing back on his laundry. “You can ask Hen how hard it’ll be. She knows better than anyone. As for talking you out of it? I know how you are when you get your head fixated on a problem.”

[tripably]

A Very Drarry Holiday Season

I got tagged to do the Holiday season Drarry fun by @kamaela and @soliblomst and @its-the-allure - THANK YOU BABES I LOVE IT <3

I'm going to mix the challenges together due to an excuse that sounds believable and is also funny being the way that I am.

Tagging: @mallstars @thusspoketrish @ghaniblue <3

Actual entries under the cut because the length of this got way out of hand, whoops. It's apparently the theme of the day, for me. :-D

Because This River Is Wild

The first Christmas after Pansy and Luna's wedding threatens to be an awkward one, mainly because they're both dancing around the topic. Among other ones.

Harry is dead worried about making jumpy assumptions about Draco wanting or not wanting to spend the holidays with him. In the process he absolutely fails to actually ask Draco what he wants to do, instead looking for clues in everything he says or does, starting somewhere mid-November. His not-making-any-assumptions assumptions start going up the walls approximately a week before Christmas. The signals are signalling so very conflictingly. Harry is a mess.

Draco, on the other hand, is pretending very hard not to let it show how much he needed to make plans and preparations weeks and weeks ago. Because clearly Harry is more a live-in-the-moment kind of person who does not need to decide on his holiday plans in advance, and Draco can be casual, too. Definitely. Unfortunately, his inbred unchill starts going more and more haywire as time progresses, and finally escapes its enclosure the day before Christmas Eve.

This, their very first Christmas as a couple, is an important teaching moment in trust that, for the first time in their mutual history, doesn't end in a disaster.

It takes a few years still for Harry to let go of his aversion for asking questions, and for Draco to stop guarding himself so closely. But, I mean, isn't wedding planning a crash course in personal growth and an excersize in relationship functionality by design?

Seven Hectare Heart

The most brilliant idea of his life comes to Harry on one of the nameless, faceless days between Christmas and New Years. He immediately goes to Malfoy’s, even though it’s hours before his usual dinner time. Although, who cares about the concept of usual time, anyway, when the only commitments you have are to yourself? “I have a proposition,” he states as he sits down in his spot at the bar. And actually, isn’t that a lovely thing to have? Malfoy doesn’t even blink an eye, which, isn’t that also quite lovely? “Should I be worried?” Harry takes a deep breath and leans against the bar.   “You should invent a spell that stops the masses from gathering at my house every bloody Halloween.”

Love the way you're running out of life

On the first hour of 2010, under the full moon, Draco learns what life tastes like, and what it's like to be treated as such in turn.

He had clocked Potter's actual presence around him a few moon cycles back. He'd thought it was a hallucination, first, a fever dream and a sign of his impending insanity. He thought the sweltering heat of the late August night had gotten to his head, had fried his neural pathways, that his mind had finally given up on reality.

But the whispers of Potter didn't dissipate, and they did not stay to one any sense. A blur of motion on the corner of Draco's eye. The gentle swish of fabric-on-skin. Air moving like breath on Draco's neck. The static of a fingertip not quite touching the small of his back.

First, it was only on that clearing on the Manor grounds. Then, slowly, boldly, elsewhere.

Once Draco learned to recognize the feel of eyes on him, of being watched, he knew.

The truth of it was infuriating. It was unfair.

It was, above all, extremely erotic.

Had Potter always been there? Draco had to assume so. Did Potter know what he was doing to him? He must have, it had to be intentional. Did he not understand the danger it posed on — oh. Not danger, then. Or, rather, not on Potter.

Not solely on Potter.

And so it became a game, one Draco didn't know was designed to end up in the mutual victory of a torturous, exhilarating, consuming mutual destruction.

The why of it never crossed Draco's mind. It didn't have to.

[silverquillsideas]

This episode was the best for me so far!! 🥺 I absolutely adored the way they handled kongthap and atom's respective misunderstandings, atom's fears of coming out to people and how others might perceive him and kongthap because of their relationship.

(I'll just jot down some of my thoughts as a casual viewer, and disclaimer, I haven't read the manga, and forgot half of what happened in the KH adaptation, so this is purely my personal perception of the Thai adaptation.)

Atom has a dramatic personality, he overthinks situations and gets caught up in his own big fears, and the fears are absolutely justified, in this case. And I think the imaginary montage with the two moms was more of a way in which we get a glimpse into his larger than life, chaotic, comedic thought process more than suggesting a "dismissive of queer identity as a joke" POV I've seen in the tags here, but that's just me :')

I'm glad he trusts kongthap enough to confess his fears to him, and that kongthap takes him seriously and tries to understand where he's coming from.

Glad the show didn't go the homophobic teacher route implied in the preview last week, and instead gave us two queer elders guiding atom and kongthap on their journey ❤️

I liked the analogy that Annop gave of different kinds of love and the chocolate cakes :') it was a gentle way of unravelling atom's genuine fears of their relationship being "different from other people's" and the way he's more afraid of how people will look at kongthap in a negative light than what people think of him, and that just goes to show how selfless he actually is, deep down.

Annop acknowledges the difference of the love atom was talking about, but he also says that even tho they may be different in form and shape and how people express them, essentially they are still love, and Atom shouldn't judge himself so harshly for his feelings. He shouldn't bow down to other people's perception of him and kongthap and end up hurting them both.

Also, I've seen a strange criticism of the musical performances in MLMU being "too overdramatic / cringe / OOC" from mostly US American / western bloggers here, and I just wanted to say, please chill out 😂 musical segments are pretty common in south Asian / SEA media/ storytelling in general. If you've seen any Indian/bollywood films ever in your life, chances are that, you'll see at least 2 songs and 1 dance and all of them are meant to be taken FICTIONALLY, with suspension of disbelief and not literally assumed that the characters breaking into song and dance are seasoned performers or what not. The music and dance segment IS a part of storytelling itself, meant to convey the mood of the characters, the emotions in the scene, in that segment of the story. So please cut atom and kongthap some slack lmao

I, for one, am thoroughly enjoying gemfourth's heavenly vocals and wish that peace on other viewers too :')

Also I'm loving how Gemini and Fourth as actors interpreted Ida and Aoki. In the jp version, personally, Ida felt a bit too stiff and robotic for me, I'm glad Gemini played kongthap as more of a soft, quiet boy who laughs, jokes around, and gets petty and silly at moments as he navigates his feelings. I also love how Fourth is playing Atom, giving him comedic beats and dramatic expressions but there's also a certain grounded, vulnerable core to him that comes out in heavier moments and absolutely punches me in the guts.

Overall, I'm genuinely enjoying seeing these 2 being dorks in love, navigating their big feelings and finding friendship and community in the people around them 🥺❤️

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I’m newer to tumblr but an Arcana Veteran so coming across your account is a blessing 😭 your hcs are really good and I look forward to your posts!! I had an idea that I never executed on my own and i thought I might as well share it, so here goes nothing 😋

How would the M6 react to MC changing something drastic about themselves?

To be more specific, say MC always had long hair, more of a coolheaded attitude, or were always quiet and polite. And then out of the blue they’re shutting everyone out, slowly erasing almost every trace of their presence and being off the radar for a few months.

The LIs are worried because not a single soul has seen them. And then they suddenly return, and it’s like a new person, but very obviously still themselves. Shorter hair or other physical differences, soft-spoken personality, etc. But they come back to the M6 regretfully, never saying what *did* happen.

Assuming what they had was some strive for change, depression, or something else, it may be hard to explain to their dearest, but they eventually will. All they want is to be home.

just a silly idea of mine ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ



The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC changes without them

~ thanks for the ask @vegaspng! Sorry it took me so long to get around to but here it is. I'm writing this to be similar to what it's like in the recovery stages of PTSD or chronic depression, because I live for that kind of bittersweet hope. To anyone experiencing ot hoping to experience this, best of luck! You're not alone! - brainrot ~

- a little backstory-

The Devil is defeated. Vesuvia is safe. And your loved ones are building a new life with you that promises to be better than anything you can remember. Which is why you have to leave.

You've learned so much about yourself, your past, even the body you have now, and you're not sure what to do with it yet. That aside, you took on responsibilities and accomplishments the likes of which no single person could reasonably hope to carry, and you pulled it off. You didn't have to do it alone either. But now that things are going back to normal, you're stuck drifting in your own brain because you have no idea what normal is supposed to be like.

Your beloved has been wonderful. They've shown more patience than you ever asked for, listening to you process for hours and doing their best to help. You've worked through who you were after being brought back from the dead, you've worked through who you became through your fight against the devil, but you still know nothing of who you started out as. Which means you're not sure who you're supposed to be now. And you don't want to build a new life without knowing who you're building it for.

So one fine morning, you pack a bag, arrange for your absence, and kiss your beloved goodbye with the promise to return.

The journey is difficult, but rewarding. You travel across realms both magical and human, collecting traces of your past and encountering moments of who you used to be. You don't recover all of your memories, but you get the important ones. You find out who you used to be. It's less than you thought, but it's more than you had, and it's enough to move forward. So you set your sights for home and return to Vesuvia.

Your loved one is overjoyed when you return. They have a little adjusting to do, you have some mannerisms you didn't used to and they can't predict your behavior in the same way. But they're quick to recognize that it's all still you. Slowly, they get to know all the pieces you're building yourself with and fall in love with each one. And as time goes on, you get to hear about the whole thing from their point of view as well. What was it like for them, when you left? And what does life look like now that you're back?

Julian

The hardest part of you leaving was trying not to take it as a rejection of his love for you

He knows in his head why you need to do this, hell, the reason he ended up in Vesuvia was because he needed his own journey of self discovery

He just has to fight off his own inner demons telling him that you're going to realize you're better off without him and not come back

Which, for someone who found the drive to keep his own life because it had you it, can be quite the struggle

And because he's actually quite intelligent, he recognizes that it's not good to stay dependent on you to be his sole purpose in life. That's not your responsibility to carry

So he keeps faith in your promise to return, and puts all of his energy into becoming a better man for you to come home to

He spends time with Portia, getting to know her as an adult and becoming the kind of brother she says she wants and not what he assumes she needs

He seeks out time with Nazali so he can continue his medical studies and get more mentoring

He reconnects with Nadia and puts his knowledge of public hygiene to use with her plans for Vesuvia

He even manages to build a healthy friendship with Asra (who also misses you) and resolve their past toxic situationship

It's not easy, but he wakes up every morning a little more ready to face the day

When you come home, he's over the moon. Nothing and nobody can replace the happiness you bring him

He notices your changes right away, but he's too relieved to know that you actually came back to focus on them

Once you're settled back in with him and it's more apparent, he has a raging battle of opinions in his head about whether he should ask you about it or wait

He ends up asking you extremely vague, open-ended questions just in case you want to talk about it, but not letting himself pry

As time passes, he gets to know more of who you are and you begin to tell him some of the things that happened on your trip

He's fascinated, asking questions whenever you're in the headspace to answer them and connecting dots with you

He's never had the zest for life that he does now. Every night that he goes to bed with you, he's already looking forward to what the next morning will bring

And the best part? So do you. The future has never so been so desirable as it is now

Asra

They completely understand where you are coming from. In fact, they were the one who suggested the trip

He didn't suggest you going by yourself though

In the end what they care about more than anything is your happiness and wellbeing. So they'll give you every piece of advice and connection and helpful item they have, and promise to watch the shop while you're gone

But oh, he misses you desperately

When they gave up half their heart, it was in the form of their ability to have connections with other people. You being in their life covers for that

The only person he had a strong connection with before you was Muriel. And when you died, he went into the darkest, most twisted headspace he'd ever been in and did things he couldn't later comprehend

Their decision to bring you back, and the way they did it, is something you two have talked about once or twice, but there isn't much else to do besides try to forgive them and make sure it doesn't happen again

But this time, you're not alone. Which means he isn't either

Every day for the next week, someone new drops by the shop at your request to check on them

First it's his parents. Then it's Nadia. Muriel. Julian. Portia. Selasi, the baker. Natiqa on her way through town. Even Lucio at one point, with an apology letter that took months to help him write

Every time they feel like packing up and taking off until you return, they remember their promise to stick it out for you

And slowly, he begins to stay for other people too. It doesn't hit him until one month in that for the first time in his life, he's a part of a community because he's wanted there and wants to be there, not because he's with you

You're still their anchor, but now they have ties apart from you that give them a semblance of home, family, and belonging

The moment you return he's dropping everything. He will maintain some form of physical contact with you for the next 48 hours

They're one of the only people who remembers you before the plague, and seeing glimpses of that in who you are now makes them so proud and happy for you

You don't have to tell him everything right away. Though he is going to apologize profusely for every time he left you for a long trip with nothing to do but watch the shop and wait for his return

For every piece and memory you're ready to talk about, they will give you their undivided attention and then lavish the new discovery with all the affection they have

Nadia

She's torn. On one hand, her greatest joy is providing for you, so seeing the way you have an unmet need and can't come to her to fix it is hard for her

On the other hand, she perfectly understands the need to get away from it all to find yourself

And she's perfectly aware of how dominant her personality can be. You having access to your own space is very important to her

So she'll make sure you have everything you need and offer every available resource to you, and let you go

It's hard at first. You had been the one to wake her from her sleep, you had been the one to bring back her faith in herself

So without you around, her old insecurities begin to resurface. She didn't grow up in Vesuvia. She wasn't even the active ruler until several months ago

There were literal demons serving as her courtiers and she didn't do anything about them until you called them out

How is she supposed to speak with confidence if she doesn't have you to back her up?

And that's when, slowly, people start to drop by, and she's finally ready to accept their support

First it's Portia. Then it's Asra. Even Muriel drops by briefly. Julian makes a couple of calls as well

And then, it's her sisters

First it's Natiqa, crashing her lonely dinners and making her laugh with her wisecracks

Then it's Nasmira, quietly sweet talking the more stubborn courtiers into compliance

One by one, and never more than two visitors in the palace at a time, each family member stops by, taking their cues from Nadia and being her backup

And little by little, every childhood memory that haunts her gains a new light

She still gets tired of them and feels stifled every now and then, but she doesn't feel alone any more

It soon becomes known that Vesuvia doesn't just have an incredible Countess, their Countess has an army of loving supporters

When you return, she takes the next few days off and trusts her support system to handle the city for a bit

She'll ask questions, but as soon as she senses hesitation she'll give you space

She sees all these new flashes of personality in you, and as much as her heart aches for your trials, it flutters as you become more yourself

She already knew you were a worthy companion, but as you share more and more she's left in awe of who you are

The world is not ready for the power couple you two are going to make

Muriel

He understood what you needed to do right away. Going on a trip in search of his roots was exactly what ended up saving him

And getting to know you in the process was a delightful bonus

But when he realizes you're going alone, he's undeniably hurt. He's not the type to be selfish, but you went with him on his journey. He was vulnerable with you and it brought you two together

So why don't you trust him the same way? Why won't you make space for him in your life the way he did for you?

It's tricky to answer, because he makes a fair point and because he's never asked you for anything like this before

You're eventually able to explain the difference, how your trip is about finding out who you are on your own terms, when everything you've gotten so far has been on somebody else's

It's still painful for him, but he'll agree and let you go. He's not afraid of being alone

Until, for the first time in his life, he gets bored and starts wondering if someone's going to come bother him

Which is completely new. He's never had that train of thought before in his life

The closest was when Asra stayed with him and he wouldn't know if they would be back late or not

But now the hut is almost too quiet. The bed is too big. The forest is too peaceful. The eggs are too bland

And so, after two weeks of trying and failing to fall into old habits, he goes into town, grumbling under his breath the whole way

The panic that Asra greets him with when he walks into your old shop is almost enough to make him turn around and leave

Muriel? In town? By himself? Without being summoned? The world must be ending!

When he's finally able to mumble something about just wanting to visit and pick up some spices, Asra shatters a teacup

He's never been the one to surprise them before. It's fun. He could get used to this

And so, visits to Vesuvia get more frequent. Usually to the shop. Often to the palace. Several times to the community theatre, without needing to hide in the rafters

He's so relieved when you get back. You can hold a conversation with other people much better than he can

He notices the changes immediately, but he doesn't address them at all. His only desire concerning you is to be your safe place

He's come to appreciate the beauty of human complexity, so seeing new layers like this in you is heartstopping

You never have to worry about opening up. If you do, he'll accept you. If you don't, he'll accept you. He just loves you for you

Portia

Not gonna lie, it triggered her a little

She knows how this goes. You get tired of your quaint little life, you go off on an adventure without her, and you leave her to rot where she can't reach or help you with letters full of empty apologies

The conversation you facilitate between her and Julian after that rant is one of the hardest things you've ever done, but it's worth it

After things have settled, she lets you leave and holds onto the hope that you'll be back

And while you're gone, she distracts herself with work. She's got boundless energy, she needs to put that to use so she can't think too much

And so begins the craziest three weeks of her life. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep, she does nothing but work

Normally, you're her reason to take a break. You put her back in the main role of her own life so she can let her hair down and live the adventure she's destined for

But without you around, the only role she's used to playing is support. So that's what she does, to the point of completely forgetting about herself

It takes a burnout induced three day fever to make her pause. Especially when she begins to recover and sees the sheer number of worried faces in her cottage

Nadia's spending every free evening with her. Julian's sleeping over most nights. Mazelinka's covering the daytime with her mysteriously perfect soup and brandishing a wooden spoon to keep her in bed

It makes her realize two things. First, that while it looks different, she has her brother's tendency to take on the world's problems to avoid taking care of herself

And second, that you shouldn't have to be the solution to that

It's rough, but she learns self care. Not just an extra step in her skincare, but letting herself do something just for fun. Putting herself first

Learning to sit and do nothing without feeling guilty because nobody can make some kind of profit from it

When you get home though, it's like she can fully relax again. You give her an importance that she has to fight to hold onto otherwise

She has the hardest time giving you space. All the changes you've made are so exciting to her, she wants to hear all about your adventures and growth!

You'll have to tell her plainly that you're not ready to talk about it right away, and she'll be very understanding even if it's hard

Every time you open up, she'll hang on your every word. You two are the main characters in her story, and she can't wait for the plot to develop with you by her side

Lucio

He doesn't make it easy for you to leave

He doesn't mind you going on a trip! Trips are fun! And even when they're serious and scary, like what he had to do with you in the Arcana's realms, they're always better with a loved one!

So why are you trying to go without him? Who's going to protect you?!

And equally important, who's going to be with him?!

He's thoughtless sometimes, but he's not dumb. He knows he's a better man because of you

And he also knows that he's not perfect. Deep down under all that bluster and ego, he's still a kid who never learned to love

You helped him with that. You unraveled every tangled oopsie with him, you didn't flinch when you saw the worst of him, and then you picked up his forgotten heart and filled it up with love

So why else would you be leaving except because you finally realized that he's not worthy of you?

You're able to explain it to some extent. You need to go on a journey similar to his. Only you need to do this by yourself because it isn't about fixing oopsies, it's about finding out who you used to be

He'll let you go because it's what's best for you. And he believes you when you say you'll come back. But what he can't bring himself to tell you is how afraid he is that who you used to be won't be able to love him

When you kiss him goodbye, he resigns himself to it being the last he'll ever get

At first he sulks. He crashes people's parties and picks fights with every bandit he encounters

But when he has the option to get blackout drunk? Take all the goods from the bandits for himself on top of the bounty money?

He can't

You taught him the importance of taking responsibility for his actions. Well, you made him a good man. So you're going to have to take responsibility for that and give him the chance to prove himself worthy of you

Which he does. He wakes up early. He moderates his drinks. He does the jobs he finds. He saves the money he earns

When you get back and fling your arms around him, his knees buckle from relief

He can tell you've changed, but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. He can tell you all the ways he's changed instead!

If you were worried about his reactions when you do open up, you quickly realize you don't have to be

He doesn't expect you to be perfect. All he wants is for you to be you, for you to be happy, and for him to be the one you choose to do that with

[rescue-ram]

Augh I'm currently in my feels over a Hawkahy fic idea...

Mulcahy has been racked with Catholic guilt over his attraction to men his whole life, and is aromantic (although he doesn't necessarily have the word for it because it's the 1950s) so he feels doubly guilty that there's no desire for love and companionship, it's purely a thing of the flesh. Maybe he even tried having a sexless romantic friendship with another seminarian when he was young and figured out pretty quickly he just felt uncomfortable and inauthentic.

So he's been repressing himself ruthlessly and feeling ashamed, and then he meets Hawkeye. And in forming a friendship with him, and seeing this man he genuinely respect and admires have lots of casual sex and be a flamboyant "I'm just kidding haha or am I" bisexual. And in internally processing how he feels about that, he winds up working through some of his own issues, and for the first time feels like it's possible to just have casual sex and not be degraded or abusive or evil.

So then he propositions Hawkeye- because he's handsome and funny and smart and probably attracted to men and not looking for commitment and Mulcahy trusts him. And Hawkeye has his own reaction to that but after working through his shock goes for it, because he has a bit of a crush on Mulcahy and figures he'll do anything once and sleeping with a priest will be a great story when he's back with company who won't arrest him for telling it.

And it isn't a complete disaster- they both enjoy it, and they wind up with a semi-regular thing. But Hawkeye is romantic and while he doesn't fall often he does fall hard, and now that the Father is no longer Off Limits in his brain he winds up falling in love. He has no idea Mulcahy is aromantic- he assumes because of his vocation he wouldn't act on any attraction unless there were deep feelings involved, and assumes Mulcahy's awkward phrasing about "I respect you so much and your a good friend" or talking about how he "doesn't feel love the way husbands and wives do is" internalized homophobia, so he confesses his feelings fully expecting them to be reciprocated...

And Mulcahy is so confused at first, because he didn't think this would happen- he explicitly got with Hawkeye because he thought he was like Mulcahy and "not really the marrying sort"- and then the guilt comes crashing back and he feels really guilty for hurting him, then pissed off and hurt himself because he got a taste of a good thing and now it's wrecked, and just wants things to go back to how they were...

So basically

Hawkeye, desperately: I love you

Mulcahy, equally desperate: It'll pass

[prettyboybuckley]

30, for buddie please?

hi anon ❤️ thank you for the prompt! exhaustion got to me so it took me a little while to write it, but I hope you like it!

from the soft prompts: ‘this is my husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner etc.’

Eddie never really figured out how to introduce Ana as his girlfriend without feeling awkward. It didn't surprise him at the time, because he'd felt the same about introducing Shannon as his wife, for a long time, at least.

So he'd always assumed that was kind of the norm. That he'd always feel awkward introducing his partner, or that maybe that's how most people feel doing that, even. 

In hindsight, that was a stupid thing to assume, probably.

The point is that when he and Buck start dating - and holy shit, they're actually dating - he expects it to be as awkward as it's always been. Perhaps even more awkward, considering that yes, this is Buck, but he's also never dated a guy before. He's never introduced anyone to his boyfriend before.

(Well, that's not entirely true, but those were all people that already knew Buck. It wasn't so much introducing Buck as it was telling those people that they were dating now.)

And then comes the PTA meeting.

Eddie doesn't particularly like PTA meetings, they are long and boring and half the shit that gets discussed is pretty much trivial. He goes anyway because he cares about his son's education, and it's polite to show his face and interact with the other parents. 

He doesn't expect Buck to see it on the calendar on the fridge, turn to him with a bright but somewhat hesitant smile, and ask: "Can I come with?"

"Yeah, of course," Eddie answers without even having to think about it for too long. It'll be much more fun with Buck by his side. 

The realization that he's going to have to introduce Buck to all these parents - at least the ones that haven't met him before - doesn't cross his mind until they're already getting out of the car in the school parking lot.

It's probably a good thing that it doesn't, or he would’ve been all up in his head about it. As it is, he freezes right there next to the car, watching couples and single parents alike make their way into the school.

"You alright?" Buck's voice sounds, suddenly right next to him. He must have walked around the car while Eddie was lost in thought. Buck's hand slips into his, tangling their fingers together.

"I'm fine, just thinking. C'mon, let's go."

He pulls Buck along to the school entrance, greeting some parents he vaguely recognizes along the way. Once inside, they follow the directions to the gym, and it's only when they're there that Eddie finally pauses. His hand is still wrapped tightly around Buck's, and he has no intention of letting go, but that also means that someone is going to notice.

"Eddie, hi!" someone says, and he turns around too quickly, pulling Buck along and making him stumble a bit. See, there's the awkwardness already. It's Katie's mom, Jennifer, who Eddie has talked to on multiple occasions. He's pretty sure she tried to flirt with him in the beginning, though he isn't sure why she stopped. "I see you've brought someone along this time?"

This is usually where it gets awkward, where Eddie stutters out an introduction and embarrasses himself and his partner in the process.

But this time he follows Jennifer's gaze to look at Buck, and he finds Buck smiling at him, soft and so damn happy, as if there's nowhere he'd rather be than here at this PTA meeting with Eddie, and it's not awkward at all.

"Yeah, this is my boyfriend, Buck," Eddie replies, only taking his eyes off Buck at the end of it, and he pulls Buck a little closer as he smiles at Jennifer. "Figured it wasn't fair that he's only been getting the fun parts of raising a kid now that we finally got our shit together."

He and Jennifer both laugh at the indignant squawk Buck lets out at that, and Eddie only grins wider when he stumbles because of the little shove Buck gives him with his shoulder. It's not as if he's in any danger of falling when they're still holding hands, and as soon as he's stabilized himself again, he's pressed right back along Buck's side.

Buck is grinning, too, when Eddie looks at him, and he allows himself a moment to get lost in his boyfriend's eyes. Turns out that didn't feel awkward at all, it simply felt right.

"Just kidding, we both know you've been helping with the less fun parts all this time, too." He pauses for a moment, then turns back to Jennifer. "Now, Jen, have you heard any good gossip lately?"

Next to him, Buck snorts, and Eddie is going to get teased later for caring about gossip in the first place, but he's pretty sure that his boyfriend listens just as attentively while Jennifer tells them of the rumor she heard about two of the teachers hooking up.