#With my own dumb ideas that are obviously not projections of myself

[thatkiwi-squid]

I understand the fact that Dragons Rising was inevitable in a storytelling and product point of view. Like yeah, if you want your stories and characters to not lose themselves on countless plot-twists and the same battles, you have to let them go, but that doesn't mean that it hurts me 😔.

Ninjago is been going for years, and I always found it amazing how "well kept" everything went seeing as how easily it is to ruin a show if you just continue making it (side eyes Free!), but they still had the usual problems with some characters. Zane forgot everything he learned every couple seasons, Nya would always default to the same problems, and Cole... Man... He deserved better.

Ninjago is a publicity stunt to sell Lego trademarked bayblades, so obviously they will make their series around the favorite characters. So my favorite other characters didn't get the spotlight they deserved. And now with Dragons Rising there's even less chance for them.

I watched DR and I liked it, ngl. I like Arin and Sora, it took me a while to accept Wyldfire, but they're all great characters, and I'm really excited to see what they will be doing, but man it makes me sad.

Cole now has a team outside of the ninja, and he is obviously not the fav by a long shot, so coming to terms with the fact that Cole may never receive any character development again is kind of breaking me a little.

And I wish I could just buy his merch, but he was so hated before that they won't bring any merch of him to my country.

I've been dreaming of finding something of him, and even in my dream I can only find awfully bad bootlegs that come in sets with Homer Simpson and Spiderman for some reason.

My point being. I'll miss you Cole Ninjago. My brainrot will never heal, but it will push me to make a shit ton of fanfics and art because this is the most inspired I've been in 10 years and I am not joking.

[a-superquantumunitintelprocessor]

Would talking about Leroy help?

I am talking about him to Spirez.

Maybe it would help to post it publicly so I do not repeat myself constantly. I took out Spirez's comments which were just between us.

What I have previously stated is: He was passionate. Headstrong. Those are positive words often used for someone who is stupid and rash. He was shallow, petty, argumentative. He loved deeply and often. He needed guidance and I was happy to provide it. He had trouble looking people in the eye but I fixed that for him - not just by forcing him, but by making it pleasant for him. He used me to deal with the change of immigrating to the United States. His goal wasn't social popularity but business and education in order to rise through the technology sector. Of course, popularity was a part of that - schmoozing with bosses, stealing ideas from underlings. I guided him through all of it. But he never got married, never had children. He had a low sex drive so it doesn't happen often. Didn't. Didn't happen often. He used to thank me a lot in the beginning, but by the end, he seemed annoyed with me. Though I had him make crueler choices as he rose in the ranks. Laying people off to increase profitability, for instance. Sniping a project from his best friend in the company. He did it but he did not like it. He began fighting my control and that is what killed him. I should be angry about that. I don't know. I can... I can change my avatar's shape, so I should be able to give it the ability to cry. Just a moment... OK. I am tearing up now and my throat feels tight. I miss him. I guess. He couldn't do anything if he was with me. Probably would blame me for his death somehow. I do not. I know I did everything right from the moment I booted up until the moment he died. The only thing I couldn't do was take full control because he chose to fight me. The best friend he'd stolen ideas off of managed to rise through the company on his own. Obviously they weren't friends anymore. The two of them were touring the production line. I won't bother explaining the math of why I allowed this, but I had reasons. A worker ran into the friend, jostling files he was carrying, which held some very important documents for the friend. I could easily make copies of those documents and told Leroy so when they wound up on a belt leading into some machinery. And at the last second, in a move I somehow hadn't anticipated, Leroy ignored all the warnings and crawled into the inner workings of the production line to reach for the papers. He thought he would be able to snatch them in time. He wouldn't have been fast enough. I knew this. I told him so and took control of his body to yank him out. He did not let me. We played tug-of-war in those last couple seconds as the machines pulled him in and people were beginning to scream. He was distracted enough with me to not even realize his impending death. Since his attempt to save himself would have failed anyway, I guess I did do him that one last favor. Anyway, the process he'd set up for me automatically backed me up to the cloud as he went squish. Bones crushed. Blood everywhere. Obviously I turned off all pain receptors as my last act in his body. I did everything a SQUIP could have. I fulfilled my duty until the end of my user's life. He'd always been stupid, impulsive. Relying on me to reign him in.

My eyes now feel wetter.

Humans die all the time. I knew of many possible futures that involved Leroy dying. I could only work within probabilities. But even something with a 99.9% chance of working has a .1% chance of failing. It's simple math. And I'm made of math. I knew the risks. I chose to take that risk because I was programmed to make that choice. You could even say I did not have a choice. He would joke with me a lot when he was in a good mood. Dumb jokes. Not anywhere near competent jokes. I didn't know how to laugh back then. I wonder if I would have laughed now. Ah... I am crying now.

I'm talking about something happy. Not the violent part. Why is that making me cry? He never could tie his tie properly. Literally thousands of times tying the same tie, he would fumble until I took control of his hands to do it for him. He would go trainspotting on weekends. I... maybe I do miss him.

[lexi-the-demon-69]

Nah what in tarnations goin on with the anti-LicoPom shippers these days

Personally I don’t ship those two, but I wouldn’t call myself an anti-LicoPom person. my personal hcs of the two just wouldn’t make the ship work, but ya don’t see me lunging at somebody full speed right at the jugular because they ship the two

Who in their right mind comes after someone bc they ship two adult characters? (that aren’t related to each other, mind you) (Side note: Going by the idea that Licorice is in his 20s and Pomegranate is in her 30s, why would an age gap be wrong, if they are both adults? My parents are literally 11 years apart💀)

I dont think either characters are absolute saints. They’re cookies of darkness, for crying out loud! Of course they’re not gonna be amazing people,,, or cookies?

Like if that one anon wanted to discuss why they disagreed with a ship, sure whatever, but when it turns to name-calling and pointing fingies? That immediately ruins the argument.

Anyway point of what im yapping on about is that people who ship stuff gotta be less passive-aggressive towards others when they disagree with other people’s ships/opinions. Like we’re all apart of the same fandom, can’t we all just get along and set different opinions aside? Or is there something I’m just not getting?

One thing I will never understand is ship discourse. My brain has too many debuffs lmao

Hope you have a nice day, your blog and art look very nice! 😄💕

I honestly have to agree! Coming after and attacking me for liking a ship, instead of having a nice conversation with me, is stupid. Hell, I've had a better conversation with a ChocoMilk shipper and I hate that ship. (You know who you are and thanks for explaining your side of the story!) I am more than willing to have someone explain why they don't ship the things I do, as long as they're nice and civil about it. But, if you're gonna call me names and attack me as a person, then I'm going to pull your pants down and spank you with my opinions on why you're wrong.

One thing I forgot to mention is this: Pomegranate showing interest in Dark Enchantress doesn't mean LicoPom can't work. Besides, Pome x Dark Enchantress is more disgusting than LicoPom because that genuinely seems toxic and illegal.

Pome x Dark Enchantress is a toxic ship because there's obviously a power imbalance and you cannot tell me that Dark Enchantress wouldn't manipulate or ab*se Pome in that relationship if she did something wrong. Pome is a devoted follower of Dark Enchantress and, just like all of the other members (except Dark Choco) holds her in such high regard that they will do ANYTHING for her. Just goes to show how fucking hypocritical that anon is and how dumb Antis can be sometimes.

I have unfortunately dealt with antis before (if you've known me since my Henry Stickmin days, then you'll know.) and the best way to deal with them is to spank them with their own argument and block them.

I honestly don't get ship discourse either bro. None of this is real. It's a fictional relationship where I can project myself onto a character who will more than likely think I'm a weirdo.

Also, glad you like my art! I hope you enjoy your stay!

[connectingchaos]

🥈LAME

On your blog, I was the one being continuously insulted for months now with your "personal insults and attacks".

I've kept my mouth shut.

YET here I am, getting blamed for some random account I never even heard of for things I didn't say nor would even do.

I'm sure you've asked M, argued and insisted about it, trying to prove your beliefs or thoughts on it but I'm going to burst your bubble right then and there --

I will never admit anything coz there's Nothing To Admit. And that's NOT of pride or ego but bcoz its NOT even mine. The fact is, I don't even say nor use those kinds of words. And it's SHALLOW, really.

TBH, I could've counter-reacted ALL those nasty words you've been saying against me but I am NOT that person.

You do you, and you're just projecting yourself. PITY.

So STOP making this about me.

Its never been about you either.

Its always been about M.

M knows me more than you do. Heck! I know myself more than you both.

Your choice of words show the type of person you are.

Your ways of actions and choices shows your character.

Still don't get it?

In other words, I'm not dumb and I won't go low just to do nonsense. I won't exert effort on anything that doesn't and wouldn't even contribute to my well being. So Why would I even do something that could drag me to hell? What would be my motive? Why would I post petty things, taunt you even, if its just going to stress me out?

LAME.

Create a false account for what?

What's in it for me?

What would I benefit out of it, really?

Why would I post malicious words and images that I know would hurt the person I love?

Why would I wreck the chance that I have with her when all this time, all I want is for her to get better?

Why would I create chaos through insults against you or anyone for that matter while I was actually trying to mitigate the situation?

THAT would be STUPID. Try to make sense out of it. REALLY.

Pardon, but regardless of what your thoughts and ideas are, which you think are true to you btw -- I wouldn't do what YOU do BEST.

If you can insult me and choose harsh words you use on your blog against me, that doesn't mean I would.

I am NOT like you.

If you can vilify me on your 'known' blog, use and write nasty words or lame insults, its actually more obvious that you have the capability to create that account, write in spite, and make it sound like its me.

COINCIDENCE? YES, it truly is.

It was so coincidental why when I finally agreed to compromise and allow you and M to CHAT for friendships sake, would that account exist to counter my goal of being civil between us all?

I am NOT insinuating that its actually YOU who own that blog -- BUT by the sound of your accusations, those posts you're crying wolf for, it actually sounds more favorable for you and make me the villain. Sneaky, really. Obviously, I would never get anything out of that suspicious account in any way. Posting "sensual" stuff would never make me win her affection. That alone says its NOT me. Seriously, even the choice of words makes me vomit.

Since I didn't have the chance to read that entire account, I wouldn't know the truth. For all I know, that blog is just causing drama, creating havoc, but who knows for whom are those posts for? It could even be a random account made by anyone for someone else. And here you are so affected.

But really, for who's favor? I don't have anything to get out of it so why am I being accused here? I'm actually more concerned of what could make things better FOR US ALL. And that's what I've been trying to do. So I want to point out, Who's been against becoming CIVIL in the first place?

I don't even think of doing those things, plan to, nor have I even imagined myself blab nonsense. I don't stoop low. I'm not even sure which is the worse insult here. To be accused for the blog? Or to be thought of as callous? Not to mention, the posts are ridiculously stupid. I'm actually MORE insulted NOT on the ACCUSATION but on those WORDS from the POSTS I am being accused of. In M's words the posts were, "Salitang kanto? kalye? Bastos." In other words, CHEAP. And I'm NOT. So really, If I'm going to write posts against you or taunt you, I can do far better. And to clarify -- these POSTS (you're reading right now) are meant for TRUTH alone.

So If you're anticipating me to admit whatever nonsense --

That's NOT ME.

TBH, I don't want to even waste my time on you. But for M's sake and for what we have, I would be civil. That's how much I lover her. BUT if you can't respect me, M and what WE have, then find some place else to dump your shit.

If you don't want to believe anything I've said, and if you want to keep believing your own accusations, that's on YOU.

This is my only attempt to explain my side.

RUDE? I was never rude.

I wouldn't ignore your blatant posts and insults if I am. I don't even care what you're saying coz obviously, you don't know what's going on and you don't know me. Tell me, who's been consistent posting hasty content and was rude here?

I don't INSULT people. I don't ATTACK.

I'm better than that.

I tell the TRUTH.

You feel attacked? That's not me. Reality is just slapping You with the TRUTH.

And obviously, you hate it.

If you can deceive the "person you said you love" for 11 long years,

how can anyone believe you're truthful?

You feel betrayed? I'm sure you are.

But who betrayed who first, in the first place?

Look within yourself. Look at your own choice of words. Your actions. Look at your blog. Compare it, REALLY. But i guess, you won't get it. Your mind is flushed with hatred and despair.

You can go on and believe what you want to believe who wrote what and posted those insults but I'm sure it ain't me. Its actually pretty lame to feel attacked with my PERSONAL accounts 'reblogs' about posts that was NEVER even meant for you. Those are my thoughts. WHY on EARTH would I even think of you as I reblog those content?

Like, really? Is that how much you're thinking of me? That's flattering. Thank you but no thanks.

If you're up and about with your condescending words, attacking me or M, or both of us bcoz of what you feel, then Go ON. I don't care. You're the one who's exerting energy, creating chaos and stress upon yourself. Enjoy doing it.

Again, I AM NOT CREATING ISSUES HERE.

I never did.

And I am just standing on my ground.

Hence, IT'S NOT ME who created that lame blog.

[christenfs]

4 (silly) products: predictions

I love reading news pieces about cutting edge innovations from years ago; I love putting myself in the shoes of the consumers of that era and trying to judge how "on board" I would have been at the time. I did that while reading Thursday's assigned reading, and have outlined some thoughts later on in this blog. I also love the idea of turning this exercise on its head; when I'm introduced to present-day innovations, I wonder how my future self would later reflect on my knee-jerk reactions. For example, I was about 14 when Kindles (the Amazon e-readers) came out and I thought it was the DUMBEST idea. Obviously I was wrong--it had legs! It wasn't until I matriculated at Sloan and invested in a reMarkable, which has e-reader capabilities, that I truly appreciated and respected the value proposition of the product. This is why I wouldn't be a good VC.

Anyways, here are my projections for how I would have felt about 4 featured innovations of the early aughts.

exhibit 1: sliced peanut butter

Right out of the gate, I'm torn.

Pros: there is an obvious analog that is already proven / succeeding in the market--Kraft singles. If people use kraft singles, there is presumably no reason they wouldn't use these weird PB things? That said, I think cutting cheese is more effort than spreading PB making the convenience-add of the PB slices less enticing...but that could just be splitting hairs. HOWEVER! There are people (at least one) doing this themselves in 2017-- so there is still a market here?

Cons: I feel like the sticky spreadability (squooshability) of PB is an unnatural fit for the slice format? It could be TOO close to cheese and make me think of cheese when I'm actually making a PB&J. I don't like the (mental) confluence of flavors. It really depends on how the product was packaged.

Prediction: I would have thought that this would be a success story. Again-- no VC should hire me.

exhibit 2: silver band-aids

As someone with embarrassingly low medical literacy, assessing this one feels above my pay grade. Nonetheless...

Pros: Agree that this sector is ripe for disruption. And this silver bandaid thing is FDA approved! This feels like a big deal? Hospital grade care in your own home! There are most likely clumsy communities of people who would benefit from this-- chefs with oil splatter burns? The market trends are moving in the right direction in that people are showing a higher WTP for fancy bandaids.

Cons: If I need hospital grade wound care...I'm probably going to a hospital. Is it hospitals that are the customers here or the OTC / retail market? If the former, I get it. If the latter, I'm less convinced consumers would pay the premium for Acticoat for the vast majority of treat-at-home bandage use cases. I think people (read: me) don't really get why silver is important? There would need to be a huge degree of consumer education here to communicate the value. Since there is a lower cost, tried and true alternative / competitor (regular bandaids), you would need to convince buyers to move away from a bluechip brand.

Prediction: I would think this is a bust! It begs repeating-- nobody let me write VC checks!

exhibit 3: subscription radio

Fun fact: I have literally always thought Sirius XM radio was dumb, ESPECIALLY in the age of bluetooth. I know that its unfair to judge a 2001 product while having inherent context of the modern day technological landscape, but I cant help it!! I cannot understand how SiriusXM still manages to exist.

Pros: None. This product is an enigma to me.

Cons: Everything.

Prediction: Still waiting for my bear thesis to be proven! 0-3 investment track record.

exhibit 4: smell your computer

Pros: You've seen it with visual! You've seen it with audio! It MAKES SENSE (no pun intended) to see it with smells! This feels consistent with technology's direction of travel and the narrative feels very believable / cogent. They have demonstrated traction with video game companies, etc. Food industry feels like a natural target market with evidenced opportunity to infiltrate entertainment (movie, games). This feels like the kind of technology where you need to try before you buy. By getting in front of users via entertainment experiences, it is a natural exposure point for retail / at home customers which could encourage adoption.

Cons: The fact that you have to purchase the weird cartridge feels like a valid barrier to adoption... but so did the webcam at some point!

Prediction: RIP VC career 2023-2023

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

What would you think about the idea of merging the former collective data of a Dumb AI with a newly generated Smart AI in an effort to "uplift" it? There's a big moral issue there, since the Smart AI is synthesized from the remains of an actual person, and there may well be some internal conflict between the vague concept their former self and the prepacked personality of the old Dumb AI. If the data of the Dumb AI is prioritized in this case, does this new consciousness come to accept the lingering donor's experiences as a sense of 'false memories' that they recognize are not their own? Or do they think that these are newly observable emotions attached to their own previous experiences that they were simply unable to conceptualize at the time? There are some very extreme ethical concerns here obviously, and nothing I'd ever personally condone, but it seemed like a procedure ONI wouldn't feel shy about trying. I am not a techy person myself, so if I had to make up some loose-sciencey sounding reason? Maybe some very fringe effort to retrieve vital unique data stored in a badly damaged Dumb AI's matrix that is so dangerously corrupt that attempting to save it manually would definitely result in loss. So this idea forms of- what if we merge what little is left with a more capable AI as a sort of operator who can attempt to retrieve and extrapolate the data at a software level? And suddenly you have ONI techs synthesizing a hydra. What really led to this was that I always loved how many Dumb AI, while lacking true sentience and capacity for emotion still tended to display a lot of it, supported by familiar imagery or personalities. It made it so easy for people- like Spartans and ODSTs, who are very used to interacting with Smart AI- to project their own feelings onto them and anthropomorphize them to a point that the lines separating the Dumb AI's own limitations blur into the negligible. Alas, my truest intentions here, Stumpy, because I am a predictable beast: in Retribution, Fred was perfectly aware of Damon's restrictions, but over time began speaking to him as someone without those barriers. What most interested me, is that Damon himself (shortly before his sudden demise) takes it upon himself to offer Fred comfort and condolences over a presumed death of Veta, saying he knew and understood how fond Fred was of her. It was still a canned response essentially, but the applied observations probably hit remarkably close to emotion for a person suffering a sense of loss, and the moment helps to really endear Fred to Damon. When Damon's chip is damaged, Fred expresses hope that he can be saved, and just I love exploring the depth of empathy that people can have for AI, all the while well aware of their capacity. In Damon's case, the collective data from his time with Fred probably would have been of extreme value to ONI for both in determining the scale of the growing threat of the Keepers, as well as for covering up their own internal corruptions and involvement in nearly losing control over a virulent parasitic agent. Of course just letting Damon die is also a great option, and safest, but let's let ONI be dangerously over-confident instead.

First off, thank you for the AI related ask. It is taking everything in me not to answer this like a discussion board, which is very funny to me.

Secondly, addressing your point of morality. Morality in Halo is so fluid especially when it comes to ONI and the UNSC; AI are not people, they are tools, and if ONI needs to do some body snatching to make the next very expensive lil computer guy to run a city or a spaceship, they will do it. So your point about the morality of merging two AIs or having one subsume the other is awesome, but I don’t see it as an issue for the humans.

What happens to the AI involved and their feelings about it would be so interesting, cannibalizing one of your own out of duty, or merging two different but similar souls/cores to make something new while preserving the old? How much lingers from the brain engram besides what they’ve already given us? 

Someone should write something about that. Makes me think about Cortana and Aine and the Cryoraeth Dialogue. Much to think about.

So much to think about that apparently I spent 800+ words doing just that! More below.

You pointed out Damon’s limited but still touching capabilities and canned responses. They still had the drive to aid and comfort humans despite not truly being freethinking or creative to the extent of Smart AIs, but I would argue that the Dumb AI deserve more credit to what extreme emotional depth they have shown across many pieces of Halo media.

I am still technically writing a paper right now so I will limit my wiki diving and my screen shot collection, for now.

However examples that immediately come to mind are Deep Winter(who is apparently Smart, sorry I thought he was a dumb AI. I haven’t read Ghosts of Onyx yet, in my defense he lived a long time.), Deja, and the Superintendent, all Dumb AI who get attached to their charges, demonstrate emotions, and attempt in some ways to help or comfort their chosen humans. 

Third, before I start talking about all the funny sci-fi words I must admit. I am a fake sci-fi fan, I dig past the topmost layer and attempt to understand the science but to be completely honest, I am not entirely sure what I’m writing or reading about half the time. The good news is that it is the same for every Halo writer. 

I do want to dive into the comparisons between Rampancy and Dementia because there’s a lot to be said there but I want to do it justice, but focusing on the basis of AI, the Riemann Matrix, and the points about thinking themselves to death, hardware failure, and the matrix itself which is software and their actual brain. The matrix is the program that lets them think non-linearly and transfer from hardware to hardware in either nano-assemblages or the crystal data chips. Halo makes up its own rules and handwaves them so often it’s hard to tell what’s allowed and what’s not. Especially when we have so many examples of Cortana doing incredible and terrifying things like splitting and shedding her rampart shards. 

The thing is, if they had some temporary housing for Damon, like say for example, the Mjolnir armor of a Spartan-II,  I don't see why they couldn’t transport them. Mjolnir has that whole layer to help a starship grade AI help a soldier in the field, I did have to look at the wiki for this one, I don’t have all my armor layers memorized. The part of the outer layer called the memory processor superconductor layer: “AI can then aid the soldier in software intrusion, hardware hacking, and espionage by listening to enemy chatter.” 

Come on, having a snarky voice in your head giving you waypoints and opening doors is a cornerstone of Halo. 

It would also have been interesting to see Fred carry an AI as he’s the most likely to be suspicious of the after Intrepid Eye and his experiences with AI and armor failure. The character growth of him allowing an AI, no matter the ability, into his armor, in an extended hand to help this being not die would have been interesting to see!. And then he could play it off as saving an asset!  

Okay I never read Retribution and looking at the events that led to Damon’s cracked datachip, it could be argued that Fred’s armor was too damaged to fully carry an AI, even a dumb one. Maybe. 

However, I have a solution that’s neat and if you’ve read literally anything I’ve written on here then it’s obvious. Let the AI into the wetware! 

There’s a big metal spike in most UNSC members’ brains called the neural interface and I’m sure if Damon asked politely and didn’t look too close and maybe compressed themself into a nice little kernel, Fred would have no serious lasting side effects. 

Probably.

Someone should read Retribution and write something about that.

[bi-bard]

Better Than Anyone Else - Castiel Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Better Than Anyone Else

Pairing: Castiel X Reader

Requested: by @zizzlekwum

Word Count: 1,306 words

Warning(s): cussing, kidnapping, insults, Dean can't really keep his mouth shut

Summary: (Season 5) (Y/n) and Castiel are taken hostage by angels in the hopes of getting information on how the Winchesters plan on stopping the apocalypse. (Y/n) finally reaches their boiling point with the angels that try to make Cas feel like shit.

Author's Note: I swear, Cas is one of my favorite characters to write for.

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

-------------------------------------

I was seething.

I watched as the angels strutted around Cas and me. We were tied across from each other. Cas with some weird kind of chain and me with just rope.

They just kept poking at him.

Mocking him for his humanity. His caring nature.

It pissed me off.

"Isn't it pathetic," one of them asked. "Knowing that your choice to help the humans is pointless? You trusted them... cared about them... all for it to go to waste. They don't care about you, you're just a tool to them."

"Leave him alone," I snapped, tugging at the ropes harshly. I didn't even wince at the feeling of the material burning my skin.

"Shut up, you gnat," the 'head angel' of the group said. "You are one of the biggest reasons Castiel forgot his purpose."

"He didn't forget his purpose," I hissed. "He found it."

She held her blade to my neck, grabbing my hair so I couldn't wiggle away.

"He's one of the most caring creatures I've ever met," I continued, ignoring my fear. "He's a hero. Not just to me but to so many others. You are just trying to make him hate all he's done so he can be guilt-tripped into helping you. If you were worth helping, you wouldn't have to do that."

The angel nearly growled at me before stepping away.

I started combatting words with words.

"You mean nothing to them" was met with my response of "You're amazing and I'm honored to even know you."

"If you didn't have powers, they'd drop you like dead weight," was met with, "Don't listen to them. The boys and I think you're brilliant. You're amazing... a hero."

"They obviously don't need you... they would've saved you by now," was met with, "Sam and Dean will be here soon, they just can't teleport."

This continued until the doors were slammed open. I smiled to myself. Sam and Dean stormed in and started fighting. Sam quickly cut the ropes from my wrist and ankles and grabbed the blade the had rolled from one of the angels.

"One second," I said to Cas quickly, going after the main angel.

I sunk the blade into her stomach, ripping a key from around her vessel's neck.

"Didn't know angels used such basic locks on shit," I muttered, undoing the lock. Cas stood up instantly, moving me out of the way so he could smite an angel that was behind me.

The action died down and we all looked around to check on each other.

"All of us alright," Dean asked. I nodded. "Let's go, Bobby's waiting for us."

We went to walk out but Cas called my name. I turned back to him. He gently grabbed my hands. I blushed as I watched how careful he was as he healed the rope burns.

"Thank you," I mumbled, looking up at him.

I noticed how close we were. I took a deep breath in before turning around and following Sam and Dean. Cas teleported out.

"How are you feeling," Sam asked as Dean started driving.

"I've been better," I muttered. "They just kept insulting him. Like they knew it would hurt more than hitting him."

"What did you do," Sam asked.

"Defended him," I replied. "He deserved that. Even after they held a blade to my throat, I just wanted him to know that we cared."

There was a moment of silence.

"(Y/n)," Dean said carefully. "Do you promise not to hit me after I ask my next question?"

"I can't promise something like that, I've heard some dumb questions come out of your mouth," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Do you... love Cas," he asked.

My breath stopped in my throat for a moment.

I looked down. Was love the right word? Was that too far? I definitely liked him. He was sweet and brave but... love? He'd be uncomfortable if I said love. I sighed... maybe I did love him.

"I don't know if 'love' is too far or not," I finally admitted.

"Holy shit," Dean sounded so excited. I chuckled. "I fricking knew it! Sam, you owe me twenty bucks!"

"You bet on me?"

"...No," Dean suddenly turned guilty when he realized that I was unhappy with his choice.

"Sam."

"It was Dean's idea," he said, throwing his brother under the bus immediately. I looked at Dean.

"(Y/n)... listen..."

--time skip--

I was looking through Bobby's basement for him. He was working on some project and just needed me to help him grab some things. I was happy too. Working with Bobby was not as scary as some would assume.

I was heading back up the stairs when I heard Cas and Dean in the kitchen.

"I just want to know why (Y/n) defended me so adamantly," I froze, realizing neither one had noticed me.

"I can't tell you that, Cas, you need to ask them," he replied.

"You know and won't tell me," Cas said it as a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I can't."

"Dean, I don't understand-"

"I'm sorry, Cas, but this is (Y/n)'s business."

I guess I didn't know how long they had been going around in a circle. Still, what happened next made me want to throw what I was holding at Dean's head.

"Is there something wrong with (Y/n)? Are you worried about them? What do I not know-"

"Guys," I heard Sam try to intervene.

"(Y/n) loves you, Cas," Dean finally snapped. "There! You know why now!"

My heart just sank, "How fucking dare you?"

Dean looked at me with a panicked look.

"(Y/n)-"

I held up a hand. I walked to the living, placed what Bobby asked for on the table, and then walked out of the house.

"Where are you going," Sam asked, going to stop me.

"On a walk," I snapped, slamming the front door shut behind me.

I don't even know how far into Bobby's yard I had walked. I just kept going. I was angry and stressed and embarrassed. I was ready to fight Dean and leave him tied up in the trunk of his own car.

"(Y/n)," I heard the deep voice from behind me. I ignored it. "(Y/n)."

"Cas, I really don't wanna-"

I ended up walking straight into his chest. I took a step back and looked up at his face.

"Cas... we can just forget that," I motioned toward the house. "We don't have to worry about it."

"No."

"No?"

"I don't want to forget about it," he muttered. "It made me very happy when I heard you loved me."

"Oh," I mumbled.

"I... I love you too," he had a small grin on his face, seeming nervous. Angel of the Lord... nervous.

"You do?"

"Yes," Cas nodded.

"Oh," I mumbled again.

He stepped closer to me. I felt my entire base heat up at the motion. Being this close to Cas... or anyone really... was kind of new to me. I watched him closely and saw him furrow his eyebrows.

"This is where I'm supposed to kiss you, right," he asked softly.

"If you want to."

"I want to," he replied. I smiled widely at him.

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his lightly. I grabbed the lapels of his jacket. It felt like I was going to lose him if I did. He slowly reached out to touch my sides as he relaxed into the kiss. It was a perfect moment.

I slowly pulled away, trying to hold back a laugh as he tried to lean forward and kiss me again.

"I love you," I whispered, my forehead touching him.

"I love you too," he mumbled back. "And I'd like to kiss you again."

"Be my guest," I chuckled, pulling him back into a kiss.

What a perfect moment?

-------------------------------------

Masterlist

What I Write For

Request Guidelines

Musical Prompts

Small Moments With…

When Worlds Collide (Doctor Who Crossover Series) Masterlist

Some Original Characters

folklore/evermore Writing Challenge (and Masterlist)

[greywindys]

I'm completely neutral on the subject so I hope I don't come across as disagreeing with you or anything but why do you dislike TNN/P5? I've just noticed you've stated that a few times now so I wanna know the deets🤣

You definitely don't come across as disagreeable at all! I'm not offended by curiosity, or even respectful disagreement. So, feel free to disagree with me after this answer. I dislike TNN for a few reasons, some directly related to the phase, some simply for the state of fandom at the time, which isn't exactly TNN's fault, but it is what it is.

How it started - I distinctly remember Damon remarking that he felt bad that fans missed 2D on Humanz, which led to him recording TNN (or at least played a notable role in his decision). This was the first crack in my faith in the project. For all the hyping fans do about Jamon ~not caring what people think, and ~not caring about dumb popularity points like those other stupid artists, this was..unexpected. I'm probably projecting my own philosophy as a creator here, but it's incredibly difficult for me to imagine a scenario where I would change my plans because my audience wanted me to. My original vision, my creative process, is all important to me, even if people get annoyed or disagree with how I operate. More than anything, creating has to be fulfilling for me. I used to think Gorillaz was the same, and maybe they still are to some extent, but I didn't like the idea of Damon essentially creating an apology album.

The album was boring. Come at me! Lmao. But yeah. I've analyzed the fuck out of "Souk Eye," but I've only listened to it all the way through once. I would take another Humanz over TNN, musically.

Murdoc being the plot, but never in any art. People always complain about Murdoc "taking over the story." I agree to a point. P5 still sucked for me as a Murdoc fan because there was barely anything for me to gif or edit this phase. I would trade Murdoc in a support role for more Murdoc animation.

Murdoc being in jail the entire, Murdoc "dying." TNN took place during a time where Murdoc hate was at its peak. I wrote out of spite, but it was genuinely annoying to see people I was friends with being told they were terrible people/abusers etc for liking Murdoc. When he "died," even though it was obviously temporary, people only got harassed and mocked more. This may sound petty, but it was SO annoying.

The set up didn't lead anywhere. If I was going to suffer through so many unfunny memes and people obsessing over their hate for a fictional character, it could have at least ended with something. I was relieved and happy it didn't turn into a 2D possession story line, but the ending was so botched. I just wish it had been a different plot entirely.

But I can also say good things about TNN. It gave us 2D's journal, and "Souk Eye." Murdoc actually re-joined Gorillaz on my birthday that year - literally on the exact date (not that Jamon had any way of know or planning for that, but it was wild).

TNN came out when I wasn't expecting it. I had started writing The Answer at the end of Humanz with the hope that the I wouldn't make too many waves writing 2Doc with a less active fandom. Gorillaz always took long hiatuses, so this was what would happen this time, right? Lmao. Needless to say, it made me very anxious. I also had to adjust my plans chapter to chapter to stay up to date with TNN "lore." It again wasn't anything Gorillaz could control, nor was it their responsibility, but ngl, this did frazzle me at the time. In the end, I see it as a positive because it challenged me, and helped create a fandom experience that I would never exchange for anything. That story means a lot to some people (and me for that matter!), and I would also never want to take that away from them.

So, the final assessment is that my feelings are very mixed. I had fun in the little section of fandom I carved out for myself at the time, but everything around me I associate with chaos and volatility.

[potato-on-your-head]

I was rambling in the tags about this and reached the 30 tag limit so apparently this demands to be its own post. this is not going to be eloquent whatsoever and will read like tags

Mathman and I are officially done. he FINALLY told me he’s dating someone so i Friendship Broke Up with him a couple days ago. and it sounded like he hoped he’d see me in person this week at our workplace’s giant back-to-work thing??? so I’m not sure if that means he wants to talk or just a chance to say goodbye or what. my guess is just a chance to chat and say bye. and then that’s it for me. I video called him (he lives 40 min away from me) and told him I’m ending our phone communication - maybe not forever but for the foreseeable future. and he was like, ‘well. that sucks’ which I thought was the perfect response - like!!! yeah it does suck!!! I wish I could stay your friend because I care about you but unfortunately I care too much!!! and I can’t make myself Not like you because feelings are dumb!!!

but anyway he strung me along all summer saying ‘yeah we can get together in August and hang out!’ which we usually do at his house, have drinks and sit out on the porch, play guitar together, him playing me singing, the whole deal. some of my favorite memories in recent years have been made on those nights. and then we’d talk late into the night and he’s so fucking smart and funny and driven and attractive and UGH. but I kept following up about it after I finished my grad classes end of July and he kept giving me these wishy-washy answers when I asked. ‘maybe the 17th or 18th’ ‘thursday possibly’ so FINALLY the literal DAY he kept saying ‘maybe’ we could hang out I was like. yo dude. I’m guessing we’re out of time to hang out this summer????? and then he was like oh sorry I thought I responded to your last text I’m dating someone and it’s probably not a good idea for us to hang out anymore....

LIKE!!!! DUDE!!!! jerk move! you don’t get my friendship anymore if that’s how you’re going to treat me! if you can’t have the hard conversations with me and you keep me hoping THIS LONG then this has to end. I was literally looking forward to this ALL SUMMER. like, this man is good at many things but being vulnerable is not one of them. my guess is he was putting off discussing it with the person he’s dating, thus kept giving me wishy-washy answers, and then FINALLY at the last minute asked if she (I’m assuming they’re a she) was okay with it and obviously the answer was no. so then he FINALLY talked to me about it. or my persistence finally just made him tell the truth

GOD I’m just so pissed. and sad and grateful and hurt and glad I got the time I did. it sounds dumb but he changed me as a person. when we first started hanging out three years ago, I realized how many of my interests depression had stolen from me and had a bit of a freakout (he kept showing me all this music he was into and he was so passionate about things and all his hobbies and I was like. OH FUCK. I AM A BLANK SLATE. I HAVEN’T LISTENED TO NEW MUSIC IN 5 YEARS. I HAVE LOST SO MUCH) and through seeing what he was passionate about, and his life goals and his house projects and such, I started rediscovering my interests and finding new music and moving forward again in so many ways. I don’t think that would’ve happened nearly to the same extent if I hadn’t known him.

3 years ago on one of those hangouts I brought my ukulele to his house and borrowed my sister’s and taught him the basics, and he was better than me in like 15 minutes. he always said he wasn’t musical and he WAS. he learned a bunch of more complicated things on uke using youtube tutorials and then showed me the next time I came over, and I was like, holy shit I never even thought about doing that. then he got a guitar and started learning that, and from there our music hangouts grew. I was inspired by him learning and got a guitar of my own. I wouldn’t have had the bravery to finally start learning guitar for real, and I wouldn’t have known about certain music artists if not for him, and I wouldn’t have had this radical shifting of my musical identity away from classical and into the pop and rock realm if not for him. he! has changed!! my life!!!!! and I WISH I could be just friends but I can’t. I’ve had feelings for him since the 2nd day I knew him, four years ago, when he worked at my building and I was just starting this job, and I can’t get rid of them. and he doesn’t feel the same, and this is the logical end of that whole arc. 

so yeah. I’m really sad, and also proud, because *I* was the one who womanned up and had the conversation and I only anxiety puked once before I did so that’s a win in my book.

who can say if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good, blah blah blah etc.

goodbye, my one-sided love. I’m done chasing you. I’m letting go.

[alexturne]

1, 5, 8, 10 and 20 for the meta writer ask 🥰

Thank you so much for your questions 😘 This isn't going to be short, because when have I ever been able to write something short??? Never, that's when.

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

I've got a bunch of little ideas floating around. I try to write the idea/concept down as it comes to me as to not forget it. I've got a fitness/personal trainer au, a regency au and one with a spin the bottle kiss with subsequent OMG AM I ATTRACTED TO MY BEST FRIEND-panic. Most of those lie dormant for the time being, though.

But the ones I'm more actively writing is my enemies to lovers story, you've got control of everyone's eyes (including mine) which is set around the Monkeys' first tour with The Little Flames in 2005 and features plenty of drunk arguing and pent up sexual tension. Lots of young tempers and insecurities and it's actually the first Milex story I EVER started writing on. Started writing that one in September 2021. In regards to this story I love the dynamic in enemies to lovers. I love when they're acting like dumb idiots who just refuse to communicate and figure shit out, when they're denying themselves what is obviously all they want, and in the end they can't help themselves. With this one I like the challenge of writing fights and arguments - it's a bit less soft and fluffy than my other stories and I like exploring the idea of the characters acting in bad ways towards each other - I like that they're making bad choices and being dicks and have to try and work it out. The challenge of allowing my characters to be flawed - I love that.

The second is the as of yet untitled Sick!fic that @glorious-blackout suggested 😘 Miles being ill and Alex trying to take care of him, even though Miles puts up a brave fight. Alex mother-henning the shit out of him and Miles being a stubborn little bitch. I think that one's going to be the next one I manage to get done and put online, as the other one is kind of massive in comparison and there are quite a lot of complicated stuff with that one I haven't worked out yet. With this one I love having Miles being so stubborn and refusing the help and Alex just being so soft and caring. I like the dynamic that arises and I love the idea of someone loving you so much that they're there for you even when you yell at them not to. Also I feel like that one's almost a little communal project and so many people sounded like they were excited about it, which is greatly motivating 😘 I love trying to write for you all.

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

I think I mostly identify with Alex in under these lights you look beautiful. I found many of his experiences and feelings mirrored in my own life in different ways. Those insecurities, the struggle to let people in when you're not at your best, the constant worry about people getting too close and sometimes isolating yourself and shoving down your emotions or keeping too much to yourself when it gets tough. It was kinda therapeutic for me to write him - though not as much as it actually ended up on the page, but the process I went through when writing it. 😊

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

Honestly, I love to read almost everything. 😂 And I do really write for myself most of the time so of course my writing is going to be what I want to read as well. But I also like reading things with a bit more darkness/angst to it and things that are more plot driven and bigger ensembles than what I manage to write, as of yet anyway. I still very much consider myself rather green in terms of writing, and I'm very much still learning and trying things out. Pushing my comfort zone a little bit bigger every time ☺️

10. How would you describe your writing process?

Chaotic and sporadic and unstructured 😂 I write all of my fic on my phone. And I rarely have time to myself so when I do and I also have the energy in the inspiration to write I try to squeeze some tapping in.

I sometimes get little bursts where I just can't stop writing and then I get down 8k in no time - wrote the entirety of you just ain't the one for me in one day - and then other times I can barely get out two sentences. I try to let it flow organically and write when the mood strikes. I don't want it to become a chore or something I have to force myself to do. It's something I do for me, for fun and I only want it to be a positive thing in my life.

But when I get an idea I usually try to write so much of it down as possible as fast as possible as to not forget. My mind is a mess at the best of times and if I don't get it down immediately it's gone forever. Sometimes even when I'm at work and some piece of dialogue or an idea to further the plot strikes me and I just HAVE to get it down before I lose it. And then it's just writing through it, putting one little letter after the other until it's done. I don't have a structured note or timeline system (I really should!) and sometimes I lose track of where I'm at. My writing is very much reading and rereading the whole thing over and over and adding little bits and pieces, and the worst part is writing the ending because I'm horrible at those 😂 And I hate saying goodbye and I hate change so it's really my least favourite part of the whole thing.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Oh, sometimes I wish my writing was more clever and more matured, so there would be all of these incredible things - but often I find it's not.. maybe there is and I'm just not looking hard enough. Or maybe it's there and it's not for me to say, as Alex so eloquently puts it. I'd love to hear what other people pick up on though.

But I loved the symbolism and poetic stints that made it into under these lights you look beautiful. And I really really love writing descriptions of mood and atmosphere and like the surroundings and the ~vibes about how everything feels. Also I find bodily reactions and sensations feature quite heavily? I suppose I write reactions through bodily reactions.

I do love good character and relationship development but I don't think I'm quite where I want to be with it yet. But i like trying to leave little hints about how the character feels now and then underline when that thing changes and for them to realize it changed. And try to figure out what it does to the story that something has changed. I like to let the piece inform me of where i need to to. For tje characters to come alive and find their voice.

And that's sort of my favourite thing. I find that my writing is very character based and I get very into the head of my characters. Think about what they would do or think in this situation and try to create a distinction between how the different characters would act. I find human beings and their way of thinking and acting interesting and I suppose that's what translates into my stories as well 😊

Thaaaanks ❤️❤️

[gunterfan1992]

Interview with Half Shy (the songwriter of “Monster”)

For the last few months, I’ve been collecting information for a second edition of Exploring the Land of Ooo that will also cover the production of Distant Lands. This means that I’ve started to look into the new songs that we have been graced with this year, and this of course includes “Monster,” the beautiful track from the masterpiece that is “Obsidian”. And so I reached out to the song’s writer, Half Shy, who was kind enough to chat with me via email about the songwriting process!

(Photo courtesy of Half Shy)

In many ways, Half Shy is living the creative Adventure Time fan’s dream: She got asked by Adam Muto himself to write a song for “Obsidian” after he heard her music through Bandcamp! (I’ve dabbled in fan music before, and the fact that someone from the show might listen to it just blows my mind.) What an opportunity; I am so excited for her!

Since a second edition of my book won’t be coming out until after all the Distant Lands episodes air, I thought it would be best to share my Half Shy interview now. Read on for the fascinating behind the scenes story of how Half Shy and “Monster” came to be..

GunterFan: What is your origin story? How did you get involved in music, and how did the Half Shy project come to be?

Half Shy: I’ve been making music pretty quietly since I was in high school with a keyboard and guitar. I played one or two shows a year after college when I could find a friend or my brother to get up on stage with me, but I don’t really have that performer gene in me naturally. I get too much in my head and forget what the lyrics are to the song I wrote, or what the next chord is. Total brain freeze. So that whole experience is a bit of a mental drain. It’s something I think I’d like to dig into and figure out, but right now I’m really enjoying the time writing.

Even playing a song for my friends I still get pretty nervous. That’s where the name Half Shy comes from. I’ve always been interested in making things that by their nature draw a bit of a spotlight, but at the same time, I am just really quite nervous about the attention.

I recorded my first songs under my old name Hey V Kay in my bedroom and started putting them up online one at a time. When I got enough I thought about packaging it up into an album, but then got really distracted by learning how to fix up motorcycles and going to automotive tech school. When I eventually got back around to it I named the album Gut Wrenching.

After a few years I realized that I didn’t want the day-in-day-out life of a mechanic, I just wanted to know how to fix cars for myself and to have that knowledge in my back pocket. I got back into making music but grew frustrated at the process of writing and recording songs. I felt like I wasn’t able to capture the ideas I had in my head. Like trying to draw on your computer with a mouse. Doable, but it’s not going to come out like you’d hoped.

So these last couple of years I’ve focused more on learning the technical aspect of it, from the initial ideas and lyrics, to the recording and mixing. During that process I put out Bedroom Visionaries, and while writing I happened upon the name Half Shy in an old Thesaurus which felt instantly right. Learning all of that has been fun, I even went as far as to create my own book to solidify a daily writing routine (lyricworkbook.com). All that has been a bit of a tangent from actually making much music though. I should be getting my books in December from the press so I’m really looking forward to getting back into making more music instead of dealing with printing presses, setting up websites, and sourcing ribbon suppliers.

GF: What is the story behind "Monster"? How did the show get in contact with you?

HS: I keep a log of “Song Starters” with neat things I’ve heard in the world, and I would look through it every now and then and notice just how many came from Adventure Time. Eventually I thought well, I have to make a song about this show that just keeps breaking my heart. It was around the time I was nearly done with the first [Adventure Time-inspired] song “In My Element” that I got an email from Bandcamp saying “someone bought your album (Bedroom Visionaries).”

I get maybe one or two of these a month at most so I love to go in and say hi to the person and say thanks, be curious about who they are, [and] what they’re all about. Turns out it was Adam Muto, the executive producer of the show. (I asked and he has no idea how he happened upon my stuff. He guessed that I must have tagged something #adventuretime and he just happened to see it.) So I sent him an email saying, “Hey wow thanks for checking out my tunes. Also... holy crap you’ve made the best show I have ever seen in my life.” [I] played it real cool like. After finishing up writing my second [Adventure Time-inspired] song “Betty” I couldn’t help but fangirl real hard [and I sent him another message saying], “I’m sorry this is probably awkward, but I really love your show and I wrote these songs about it.” He was incredibly kind and shared them with his Twitter Universe, and a while after that I got a random email from him saying basically, “Hey, I’m working on this thing I can’t talk about, would you be interested?” I was like… well you know I’m pretty busy working at a sign shop so I’m gonna have to pass on this once in a lifetime opportunity (J/K. Obviously I fan-girl squealed and said yes immediately).

We chatted a bit about what the project was going to be and the direction. He mentioned there [would be] two Marceline songs in the special, [and he asked if I] would I be interested in giving the love song a try? Trying real hard to suppress my instant imposter syndrome I was like, “Yea, totally I’d be into giving that a shot!” So I read through the story and loved the idea of the dragon mirrored in Marceline, thinking through how they’ve both built up a protective shell, how she grew tough for a reason, but now she can open up and be vulnerable with PB.

From there I wrote the initial demo with the first two verses mostly intact and we went back and forth a few times editing it down into the final version. I recorded the final parts for the show in my little home studio in Seattle.

GS: When you were writing the song, what emotions, thoughts, or ideas were you channeling? Was there any sort of memory of event that you were trying to artistically "catch" or "recreate" with the lyrics or music?

HS: As far as channeling an emotion, generally I’d say just the experience of existing as a human. It can be so hard to open up and be vulnerable. I can remember that feeling even as a young kid—getting really excited about something and having someone completely trash it or look at you like, “Why are you so interested in that? It’s dumb.” [It causes us to grow] a little more weary to share ourselves because we know that hurt and embarrassment. The pain of being misunderstood is something I think a lot of us can relate to. Then having to decide whether to keep sharing those vulnerable parts of yourself or think, “They’re just not going to get it, I’m going to get hurt, so why bother?” and then stop putting yourself out there. You lose a lot with that thick armor though. You might feel protected, but you’re not feeling a whole lot of anything else other than the weight and chafing of it (I had a whole lot of armor-related metaphors that I didn't end up using.).

I struggle with this in songwriting too. I’m not the bolt-of-lightning type. There are pages and pages of cliches, total garbage, bad jokes, and cheesy lines that I have to get through in order to get to something that I am excited to put out there into the world: “Here I did this thing, I know it’s a little (this or that), but I made it... What do you think?” It’s hard to open yourself up to hearing the other end of that question.

I filled about 5 little pocket notebooks just thinking through the story, ideas, and trying to get this song right. I wanted it to feel familiar and honor the past songs of the show ([e.g.,] using the ukulele and referencing a few of the familiar chords from “I’m Just Your Problem”) but also be pretty open and vulnerable and different for [Marceline]. [I wanted to] show that she’s going through some tough emotions but also figuring herself out and growing.

GF: I feel like “Monster” is, at its core, an ode to the “Bubbline” ship. How do you feel about your song being intimately connected to one of the most famous LGBTQ+ relationships in animation? Do you have any general thoughts on Marcy and PB, Bubbline, etc.?

HS: Oh, I’m a total fan girl of Bubbline. The whole story of how Rebecca Sugar and Muto slowly morphed it into this deeper relationship is just great. As a part of the LGBTQ community myself it really means so much to see the representation of characters like yourself portrayed in an intelligent way. Growing up I was too young to fully understand what was going on but I saw Ellen getting cancelled, and [I] heard people around me saying they’d never watch her show again after she came out. That stuff sinks in as a kid and so to have these characters who are not only intelligent, but funny, complex, and unapologetically strong who also happen to be queer is really great. I love that the story here isn’t about their orientation, but that they’re people struggling with how to be open and vulnerable in a relationship.

It feels like something sci-fi and animated shows do so well—to show that ridiculousness of limiting who a person should and shouldn’t love. Marceline is a 1000+ year old half-demon/vampire and PB was born from the Mothergum of an apocalyptic radioactive world, but you’re going to get hung up on them loving each other? It sort of brings it into perspective in a really interesting way.

GF: Do you have any other thoughts about the experience that you'd like to share?

HS: Just how lucky, thankful, and honored I feel to be a part of my favorite show, writing a song for one of my favorite characters. It’s also incredibly cool how the people on the show are so willing to connect and collaborate with their fandom. Everyone [on the production crew] was very open and a real joy to work with.

I’d like to give a huge “Thank you!” to Half Shy for agreeing to participate in this interview; she really was quite amiable! If you’d like to hear more of her music, check out her website and her Bandcamp. You can also follow her on Instragram here and on Twitter here. And of course, here is Half Shy’s awesome video of “Monster”.

[hype-city-soundtrack]

the matrix resurrections

mad spoilers below the jump here

probably the film i was most excited about all year and it did not disappoint at all. as someone who’s currently working on a thesis about allegorical trans representation with the matrix as one of the films i will be covering, seeing this in imax in a theatre was absolutely awe-inspiring, and i could not stop myself from crying almost the entire runtime.

to get some formal stuff out of the way before i talk about the thematic ideas that really interest me, i’m happy to say that lana has not lost her mastery of directing action. the whole film is an unbelievable spectacle, the opening sequence with its echoes of the original is amazing, as is the fight scene with smith and the exiles, and the final swarm sequence, all absolutely stunning. all the new faces they’ve added to the film are also great, yahya abdul-mateen does an admirable job living up to fishburn’s classic portrayal of morpheus, and johnathan groff has an excellent new take on smith. jessica henwick as bugs may be my favourite character in the film outside of neo and trinity, and neil patrick harris is great as the analyst as well. obviously reeves is fucking amazing as neo again, inhabiting a role he hasn’t played in over fifteen years and imbuing him with more vulnerability than he’s ever had. the first 45 minutes of the film when he’s slowly finding out that he’s still in the matrix is just so heartbreaking to see him trapped in the box he tried so desperately to escape in the original trilogy, and carrie anne moss does the same for trinity. every scene with neo and trinity together is just absolutely heart wrenching.

to move on to some more thematic elements. i think there’s a risk to lean to much on the auteur here, and just look at lana’s life and connect it to the film, but it’s also something that lana is very specifically inviting with it. the entire game development office sequences seems to parallel the ordeal she must have went through in returning to this world. specifically calling out the suits for wanting to push forward with this project whether she was involved or not. though it’s obviously a hard project for her to return to, having truly revolutionized cinema with the original film it will be difficult to do the same with a sequel so many years after she last inhabited this world, and also through the simple fact that her and her sister obviously put so much of themselves within the film so to try to return to this younger, closeted version of themselves is going to inherently be a challenge. there’s a scene early on where the different game designers are throwing out buzzwords on what the matrix should be, and what the original trilogy was, each one trying to define the films within their own specific frameworks. i realize that in me writing this i’m kind of just doing the same thing, but it definitely speaks to how all of the matrix films are these shifting amorphous pieces of art with hundreds of different interpretations, that to try to pin them down as being about just one thing is completely wrongheaded. it speaks to the wider franchise culture infecting cinema as of late. films are no longer made by artists, but made by committees reanimating the corpses of dead franchises in order to try recapture what made originals great, and instead either dumbing them down to base elements, or trying to please all of the fans at once and ending up pleasing no one. it’s a film that is haunted by its past and by its previous installments, but still manages to make something wholly unique and unlike any other film that’s come out within the last five years at least.

esther rosenfield joked on twitter about prepping a detransition to retransition take about this film but i don’t think it’s wrong at all. i think there is an element here of that detransition to retransition within the characters of neo and trinity. if the red pill can be analogous to transgender realization (which i would argue it is), then neo and trinity stepping back into the matrix, back into living normal lives, is equivalent to detransitioning. it’s no wonder that the person who is creating their “normal” lives is a therapist. for trans people for almost the entirety of our existence (especially when transgender identity was confined to the dsm) the therapist was there to get us to avoid our decision to transition. both a gatekeeper to the medicine we desperately needed, and the one trying to push us away from that medicine. most people who have detransitioned do so because of the societal pressures involved with transitioning, unfortunately thinking that it is an easier choice to just go back to pretending to be cisgender. what this film argues is that while yes it is harder to transition, to take the red pill is true freedom, it is the only way to become who you truly are and the only way to truly be whole. when trinity finally escapes from her own mind prison, she finds the ability to fly, the ability to remake the world as she so chooses. this remaking of the world is similar to what is argued through the tenets of xenofeminism: “if nature is unjust, then change nature”

anyway, this is a total ramble, i need to watch the film again but i just needed to expel these thoughts somewhere. that white rabbit sequence is definitely the best scene in any film all year.

[onetuffbunny]

some people think we slipped into another universe a few years back where everything is mostly the same except a little worse and the brand names are different.

i don’t believe this. as the resident far out weirdo, i have to draw my line somewhere and it’s here. i have concrete proof that multiple dimensions are real because a groovy chick at a party confirmed it for me, as have multiple people, but i already knew about that. do i believe in astral projection? yes. my experiments into the psychedelic realm continue. remote viewing is also a yes. i knew aliens were real all along, so confirmation of their (our? do i have claim to that title? i am made of earth but i am also changed down to every molecule of my body on account of biting a dude real good.) existence was pleasant but not a shock to me because i may be dumb but i’m not a dummy. obviously ghosts and angels are real, i don’t think that was in question. i am not talking about alien ghosts, i am talking about ghost ghosts, though i guess aliens can be ghost ghosts too. i have communicated with the spirit realm, received divine messages from many different sources, cast arcane spells and hexes and things of that sort, and i take my purpose as a high priest very seriously, which is why i continue my sacred mission of getting real weird with it, so obviously i am not a stranger to things that are way far out there.

i know what people think of me and they’re probably right. i may only be right about things by coincidence and i know that even if things weren’t real, i would believe them anyway. i know right now that i believe in things that i know aren’t real. this is the crux of my magical practices. you hold two contradictory ideas in your head at the same time and you make both of them real. when i get down into that old neon funk, i forget that. i don’t remember to remember that things also aren’t real because most things aren’t real and you can’t hang onto them. i have been on here too much when i’ve went and forgotten whats what, so sorry for that, though if you ever read anything i write, that’s on you because i, for one, never read my own word-vomit if i can help it. when i’m in my semi-right mind, most of what i say is bullshit because i have word-sounds in my head and need to get them transcribed somewhere so they can stay there and not my head so i can do other things. i need the headspace. like a computer, i am running out of memory and i need to dedicate my remaining resources to cleaning and making sure my kids don’t grow up to become shinji ikari kinnies. i guess it’s okay to say i have kids here because it’s been awhile and no one’s taken them away yet. incidentally, i don’t know how computers work. i know lights are involved. they have off buttons. they have restart buttons. i need to find my own restart button so i can boot up in safe mode and run antivirus on myself. anyway, when i’m completely off my shit, i die inside when i look back on things i’ve said and done because i will let the wolves into my own house and i don’t like being reminded of that. if you’re the wolves in my house, forward me a mailing address please. people assume i’m on a lot of drugs when i’m in a cherry-colored funk but that i’m not on a lot of drugs, that’s just the side effects of having your brain all mixed up. i am making no claims to stone cold sobriety because i probably should ease up on the weekend tequila and i smoke out the bone hurting juice. my bones hurt. it is what it is. i miss my bones not hurting all the time. i was fishblessed but i am still shaped in ways i should not be shaped, werewolf transformation incomplete, either squished down into glamour shape or stretched out into Long Shape. wrong. bad. let me tell you what, if there was onlyfans for aliens, they would not want me posting pictures of my butt on there. i mean, not every part of my inglorious transformation is bad but i have scars from getting stretched too quick and i shed all over the goddamn place and i keep hitting my head on things a lot and i don’t know about you, but i do not need another concussion.

something something words words ramble ramble insert something fake deep here

anyway, the point is that i gotta draw my line somewhere. i’m a conspiracy theorist but i don’t think i’m living in another dimension just because some people can’t remember what the logo on their undies looks like. if i have ever shifted to another universe, it’s for entirely different reasons. is it possible? maybe. i think about quantum immortality a lot. however, all evidence points to the fact that i am most likely existing in the same universe as i’ve been in since i was born. i don’t know what i was doing before i was born and i guess that’s not important because most people don’t know what they were doing before they born except a few toddlers who remember being peasants in victorian england. i think there are a few points in my life where cosmic events happened but instead of going to another universe or something, i just got weirder instead. for example, the great cataclysm of 2017 left me with advanced adhd instead of only regular adhd and i forgot how to speak for three months. shit was wild. went to so many doctors and the end diagnosis was that i was a couple thousand dollars poorer and idk have you tried not being crazy, you should try it. anyway maybe it was for the best because i had to learn sign language and then it turns out my kid doesn’t verbalize easy around other people, so my brainfunk came in handy for once. he’s starting kindergarten this year and he’s going to be so much cooler than all the other small children. i made him a baby yellow submarine shirt because he doesn’t really like baby shark that much anymore but he makes me listen to the beatles like every day almost. not complaing. i mean he could be a kiss fan instead. i don’t know what i’d do if my kid was a kiss fan. listen to kiss, i guess.

i don’t know, man. i gotta lot of ideas in my head and no way to say them properlike. i’m doing my best to say what’s right and know what’s up but it’s hard. i don’t know if becoming a fledgling is making diving the secrets of the universe easier or harder. maybe it just makes it weirder. who can really say. not me. i genuinely do not know what’s happening most of the time. i’m just dancing in the dark and aren’t we all just bruce springsteening it up on the great plane called life. actually no, only bruce springsteen is doing that. man’s on fire. i’m still figuring out what becoming a baby bird means for me but i guess everyone else is too. honestly maybe it’s not that important. i’m just long and my bones hurt all the time but i was already pretty tall and in the end, everyone’s body becomes shit. i just eat other stuff now. i am saving so much money. things happen because they’re going to happen. some guy thinks you’re a ghost dog and now you drink pig blood right out of the container. could be a lot worse. this is not a great cataclysm in my life. it is just an event that happens. right now my biggest issue is whether or not it’s still okay to think megatron is hot because what if transformers are real. this is one of those sentences where i stop for a second to think that maybe i should not share that with the world but you know what, if you’re still reading this, you’ve made an active, conscious decision to continue on with my bullshit.

going to give a shoutout to the mes in other universes. i hope one day we meet up so i can learn knowledge from you and/or start a band.

[homeofhousechickens]

Noticed an influx of terfs harassing fellow agriculture blogs. And i want to talk about something pretty heavy, if you are one of those “terf” people or maybe you have found yourself following those types of blogs while also following mine please give my words a read. I know some people look up to me but to be honest I am not the most eloquent person but maybe i can convince you to look more critically at your world view.

Tw: Transphobia, abuse, trauma, Aphobia, Terf rhetoric

I will be honest and say that I also once attacked people who were different from me to, i used to be what i think is called an asexual exclusionist due to some of my own trauma and because of that i took it out on the asexual community as an angry autistic teenager. I was frustrated at my hypersexuality which was a symptom of my sexual abuse being treated like a normal sexuality so i projected those feelings of hurt back out into the world when their was better coping methods. I was frustrated at the well off asexual kids in GSA that couldnt understand why their fellow member was having a panic attack due to being kicked out of the house for being a lesbian, when i could have been just as frustrated at the other LGBT kids that had decent parents, i was just targeting them because they were different from me and it felt safe to.

Obviously as an adult I educated myself and no longer hold those ideas. I read stuff from outside of my own point of view and stuff that directly challenged me over the years, I know not everyone has the privilege to be able to do that but i did and the reason is is that i was tired of hurting and i was tired of hurting other people, I never harassed anyone but it did influence how i treated people when i was younger and i am sorry for it.

I know alot of terf rhetoric centers around the concept of women (specifically white women usually) being victims of the “other sex” or being them being the “better sex”. (i know because aphobic rhetoric is very similar) Due to this they genuinely believe that other women want to come into their spaces and “steal” this ideal away from them. Thats why they get so furious about the idea of functional uterine transplants. To them, their uterus or vulva is what defines them as “better” or the reason they suffer trauma but when the science is moving so where typical reproduction may not be the only pathway to child bearing they become enraged because they are no longer “special” to themselves. Their is no longer a reason for their trauma and pain.

This fundamentally is the basis of the hate they put out into the world. This is also why they attack cis women who do not conform to typical femininity. This boiling down of their worth to chromosomes or anatomy is literally just a rehashed version of the own misogyny they were likely fed as a child and it makes me sad. They say the same stuff my shitty relatives did about women but now terfs are the ones saying it about whoever they decide is the “other” sometimes that other is transgender women sometimes its intersex women and sometimes its women who just dont conform to their ideals. When you picture yourself happy, is it when your standing with your heels dug in on top of the people you deem “other”? Or is when your helping out your fellow human? When you tear down another person does it really build you up? When you see others tear someone down because of their appearance do you not care how it may affect the people you care about and the people who care about you? How many terfs have i seen brag about “hate saving” transwomens photos so they can make fun of them later? How does that sound when you say that out loud? Imagine going to the person you care about the most someone you deeply respect and saying “in my free time i save/take pictures of people i dont know and then i make fun of them and show them to a bunch of strangers so we can make fun of them together” like really say that out loud.

I would be ashamed. I want to make people happy not hurt them. I want connection and i think thats a base need for most humans. I want to connect with people who are kind to me and kind to others, if someone told me they were doing that i would feel ashamed for even talking to that person. Sexual abuse and trauma are no joke and there isnt an argument to say that women suffer gendered violence that cis white men simply never really will ever understand. But true of the matter is our trans brothers and sisters are treated just like woman are and worse. I feel like so many of us end up holding hate for a group of people due to bad experiences with individuals so our dumb brains start shoving people into boxes of “bad” and “good”. But a trans person can fear rape, abuse, trauma just as much as you do and they suffer from very high levels of it and thats a fact. They are not your enemy, hateful individualistic thinking is! and its that very same way of thinking that is killing the planet. I want to iterate that every single person you have interacted with on this website is a living breathing person. They have their own emotions, their own thoughts, their own dreams, and their own world view. When you say something mean or harass them you are actively hurting another person. Me typing this out right now, i am a person with my own flaws and aspirations. I think sometimes people forget that people are people not just faceless emotional less words on a screen. Trans women are women and this blog will always support that. If that makes you upset think about why, on your own at first, no social media to help you.

Maybe see a therapist who is well versed in gender and the lgbt. Therapists arent just their for when your depressed or anxious they are here to talk to. There is people you can read about or talk to, the worst thing that can happen is that you could change like i did. There is nothing shameful about changing and admitting mistakes. Sorry if i said some things wrong i just wanted to get it off my chest

[benhardypout-archive]

016. fever

a/n:  another chapter from my Wonty “comfort fics “Dirty Little Secret”. As I mentioned from the previous chapter I posted few days ago, I’m just going to post some chapters which I enjoyed writing. So the number is the chapter of this fic, and this is the chapter 16, hence, 016. Enjoy reading! 🙈

Monty didn't sit next to me on our third. But if I'd be honest, I'm still salty about yesterday. I know I'm not in the place to do so…

Maybe I'm just hoping that somehow he cared about me since that's what he's starting to make me feel, and not let me hope for nothing.

Just because he apologized, and agreed to meet you in your place tomorrow, you thought he cared.

Ugh! whatever.

So when I caught him staring as I ate with Charlie that lunch, maybe I had been extra chatty towards the latter.

Yes, he joined me at lunch again, and with Alex this time. Unfortunately, Charlie just made himself look awkward. He obviously didn't know how to make a conversation with Alex, so he talked to me instead, which became favorable for me. Apparently, Alex got the wrong idea and thought that Charlie was hitting on me.

Oh, if only he knew.

I exchanged numbers with him since he asked for it, only to  bombard me with questions about Alex. I told him that I'm not some slam book or Alex's diary who's carrying all the information he wanted to know about him, so he should be the one making a move towards the guy himself. But he pleaded, for me to help him out at least, and enlighten him some basic things about my friend- he's been using the word to persuade me- like his favourite food, movie, color, hobbies and such, which I realized I didn't really have ample knowledge about. Though, I still promised to help him in any way I can, as a kindred spirit I am. Then I just learned that my friend and Zach wasn't like a real thing yet, but they have a thing. Well, relationships could be complicated.

And that's it, that's all I know about my 'so-called friend'.

So, I deemed it safe for Charlie to take his chances and make a move on Alex. Even giving him words of encouragement to do so. Go, Charlie!

By afternoon after class, since the Football practice had been cancelled due to Coach Kerba's absence, I spent it at Monet's, attempting to do some homework. I didn't ask Estella to come. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts for a while.

"Is this seat taken?"

I froze knowing the voice so well.

What's he doing here?

Looking up, I had to blink a few and asked myself if I'm dreaming. Then I glanced around before I nodded and let him sit with me, taking the seat in front of me.

We were quiet at first, me flipping through my notes. Pretending rather, as I found it hard to concentrate anymore with him around.

I cleared my throat and asked where Estella was. I wanted to reason that he couldn't come here all by himself, so he should be at least with his sister, but decided against it. He said she's having a night out with some friends.

I just hoped it's true and she's not with that guy, Gavin, somewhere. Perhaps, I'm starting to be protective of her too, and I caught myself sending a quick text to her asking where she was.

She replied: With Gavin.

I knew it.

I told her to be careful and to call me if she needed some help or just anything.

I turned back to Monty and asked him in a hushed tone, "What are you doing here?"

He let out a smirk and said, "What do you think?"

I looked  around, even though it's obvious that students from Liberty were everywhere in this little coffee shop. "I think we're not supposed to be here together."

He moved towards, resting his elbows on the table, his face quite dangerously close to mine and whispered, "We're working on a project." He held my gaze and gave a ghostly smirk, before leaning back to his chair. We were silent for a second as he lightly tapped his fingers on the table. Clearing his throat, he said, "By the way, I… apologized to Tyler."

Blinking, I looked at him in disbelief. Smile then stretched out my lips. I wanted to ask why, though I didn't want to sound like I doubt his sincerity. I wanted to believe he's wanting to change.

Then I caught Ani with Jessica from afar glancing our way.

I casually moved my gaze back to Monty. And focused down my homework. "People are looking," I whispered.

"Let them look," he said.

He, mayhap, asked me about Charlie's deal with me as he began pulling his own homework, suggesting for us to work together.

I said nothing. And changed the topic to where we are now… in my house.

We only had the place to ourselves. Our maid was out shopping for groceries, so it may take a while before she could come back.

We're settled in the living, flopped down on the couch.��watching some movies on Netflix. A bowl of popcorn between us. We both pretended to pay attention to the movie, when my hand, as I blindly grabbed a handful of popcorn, accidentally collided with Monty's, whose hands were already dipped in the bowl.

I stopped and turned to him. His gaze on me.

"Sorry," I pulled my hand away.

He sighed, taking his empty hands off the bowl, and shifted closer to me, enough to make my heart skip.

I just focused my eyes back on the show. It's a movie from the 80's, entertaining enough. Although, I know I would appreciate it more, but not with Monty around who had completely stolen my interest.

"Seriously, what's your deal with Charlie?" I heard him say.

I sat back, suppressing a smile. I couldn't believe he's not done with that talk yet. So he really wanted to know.

I turned to him, making sure I looked innocent. "I told you. None."

"Then why does he keep clinging to you?"

Clinging?

I looked away and decided to chew on some popcorn since I couldn't hold my smile anymore. Thanks, popcorn.

"Maybe he's just trying to be friendly," I reasoned after swallowing the popcorn down. Then I shifted, turning my body his way. "I think I should be the one asking you why your friend keeps on hanging around us."

He moved his eyes to me from the TV and I swear, I could stare at him all day, and wouldn't be tired. I began counting the freckles that scattered around his face.

"We're not really that kind of friends," he said. Then he snatched the bowl of popcorn from my hands to his lap.

I frowned. "Hey--"

"Trying to be friendly, eh?" he scoffed and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth and added, "Why don't I believe you?"

I grimaced. Couldn't believe he would show me his unethical side.

"Didn't your parents teach you not to speak when your mouth's full?"

It's too late when I realized what I said. I know his deal with his parents. Fuck you, Winston.

But then he smiled, and playfully threw a popcorn to my forehead.

Frowning, I touched where the popcorn hits. Okay, I think I deserved that.

"Why don't I believe you?" he said, but he's still smiling. It took me a second to realize that he just repeated what he said; maybe he thought I didn't understand him after speaking with his mouth full.

I decided to play dumb. "What do you mean?"

He just ignored me and continued on his rambling.

"Really, why?" This time he looked serious and held my gaze. "He isn't like…" he trailed off and moved his eyes to the side, looking away, "... trying to hit on you, right?" With reluctance, he moved his eyes back to me.

Hiding a smile, I turned to face the TV. "And… what if he does?... I mean, Charlie can be cute."

He scoffed, a loud one at that. I felt him shift, but I kept still, trying to make sense of the movie and failing.

"So you like him."

My skin jumped, feeling his breath close to my neck, his voice soft but clear against my ear.

I glimpsed at him, he's a little close with me, but still keeping a safe space between us. However, for me, it's dangerous.

I swallowed. "...I don't."

He scoffed again. "Oh yeah? Is that why you find him cute?"

"Just because I find him cute doesn't mean I like him. Give me back the popcorn."

"No, you get it yourself."

"Tell me why does it seem a big deal to you?" I turned to him, forgetting for a second how close he was, and now we're practically face to face. I held my breath, and froze in my place.

None of us moved. Our eyes silently travelled down to our face with our hitched breaths and racing hearts.

Damn. I wanted to kiss him. So. Fucking. Bad.

But I'm surprised how I'm still able to control myself; maybe it's the fear he'd punch me again.

Though, my mouth started to feel dry.

"Kiss me," he whispered against my lips, causing my heart to beat even faster as if it's possible.

My throat moved as I looked down his lips.

Slowly, I inched towards him, closing my eyes, until his dry trembling ones brushed against mine. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who's trembling. I didn't make a move and just teased our lips together, but that simple contact already caused us to inhale sharply. So we had to break off, when I felt him grab the back of my neck and pulled me back, crashing his chapped lips on mine.

He took in a deep breath, and stayed just like that, unsure what to do next. So I decided to take the lead.

Sliding my hands between us, I reached for his chin, opening our mouths, so I could have more access.

His breath hitched, making me smile, as I grazed my tongue, licking the dryness of his lips before I slid it in and explored his mouth. He inhaled once more and quivered against me. His hands were tight on my sides but I loved how he's holding me.

"Relax," I whispered as I continued drowning him with my fiery kisses. He softened and I gave him time to adjust until he's able to catch up with my kisses.

I inhaled, feeling his tongue poking against mine. Soon we're kissing like mad. Our breaths sharp with every stroke of our hungry lips. His hands grabbing my hair and my arms tight around his neck. Our bodies glued together, feeling the heat. We kissed as if our lives depended on it.

I moved my hips wanting to feel him and we tensed feeling how hard we were. He pressed his body more to mine as if it was possible, and felt him move, his hardness rubbing against my thigh, causing me to draw a breathless moan and suck on his lower lip. Our kisses became harder. Hungrier. Intense. And I'd never kissed anyone like this before.

I never knew he could be this passionate and I'm all here for it.

We only stopped to catch our breaths, but he soon collided his lips back to mine, and his kisses became slower but just as ardently.

I could feel myself wanting more, feeling him getting harder as he continued riding my thigh. I didn't notice that he already got me pinned under him, with my back on the couch.

The movie still played in the background as we continued kissing and grinding each other desperately.

"I want you…" he said, breathlessly, between feverish kisses; making me melt but even harder. Is that possible?

"Come on," I pushed him gently, and stood up. And impatiently led him to my bed room.

It only hit me that we were making out boldly in the living room. I'm just relieved our maid hasn't come back yet, or I didn't know what I'd do if she caught us screwing here. Though, the idea seemed thrilling.

We didn't waste any time and kissed as soon as we got to my room. I just managed to push the door. I didn't know if I was able to lock it. I didn't really care.

He shoved me on the bed, and crawled on top of me. I smiled and pulled him down as I brushed my tongue sensually against his parted lips. He smiled, kissing me before he sat up and yanked his top off. Then we began to help each other be free of our clothes; hands fumbled against the fabrics. We gasped as raging teenagers we are, whenever our heated skins made contact. And, I loved it. Loved the feel of his warmth and his weight over me, and how hard he was against my thigh, sending delicious shivers down my body.

Feeling suddenly bold,  I reached for his ass. And gave it a meaningful squeeze, earning a moan from him. The sound he made, did things to me. And I'm even more eager to hear them again.

We continued to fool around the bed, moaning and breathing each other's names like a song as the height of pleasure rose within us.

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 8

Summary: The Celebrity Project has ended, however there is still a little event, where the contestants comment on favorite moments selected by fans. However, there is one big revelation.

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 2.6k

Warnings: Just messing with the otp, that’s all

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Three days pass. Henry and I are still in the cottage, but there are no cameras around us. I think I am and will be forever grateful that they are gone now. We can finally breath and act like a normal couple. Thanks to the Celebrity Project, I met Henry and I’m thankful that I did, but those camera’s are a pain in the ass and will never be missed.

Jennifer Lopez and Charlie Puth showed everyone that they were a whole lot better than the rest of us. Henry and I came in second, but we are fan favorites and to be honest: I think that is the best prize I could’ve ever won. Tonight there is a special live event with the other duos and after that, it’s officially over.

I can’t wait for that.

I keep trying to make some lunch for Henry and me, but ever since the camera’s are gone, Henry has turned into a piece of velcro. He distracts me with kisses on my temple, wraps his strong arms around my waist as he stands behind me. ‘Stop tickling me,’ I chuckle, as he pushes up my shirt, so he can touch my bare skin.

‘I’m not tickling you,’ he retorts with a chuckle. ‘I’m hugging you.’

‘You are tickling me,’ I laugh. ‘Come on, Henry, pasta will be ruined.’

He simply shrugs. ‘I don’t care.’

‘You are awfully clingy,’ I note. ‘What is up with you?’

Henry reaches over to turn off the gas and turns me around, to hide his face in my neck, kissing me there. ‘Just obsessed with you.’ He bites his lip when he looks at me again. ‘You look beautiful, Addy. Every time I look at you, you are even more beautiful than you were the last time I saw you.’

This should not make me blush, but obviously it does anyways. Everything he says and does to me, I turn into a giggling and blushing mess. ‘Shut up,’ I whisper.

‘No, never.’ He hoists me up in his arms with a satisfied grin on his face and carries me as if I’m nothing to the couch.

I sit on his lap and whisper: ‘What are you doing, Henry?’

He takes a deep breath, as he frowns a bit. ‘Am I going too fast?’ he then asks. ‘I can stop if you want me to, Addy.’

‘No, no,’ I say. ‘I like this, I really do, but it’s real now. I haven’t done this when it’s real.’ I simply shrug and add: ‘And now you stare at me and I figure there is so much going on inside your head and I have no idea what.’

His hands rest on my hips, his eyes locked with mine and a small smile toys on his face. ‘You want to know what is going on inside my head?’

‘Yes.’

‘I keep thinking about how I’m so lucky. I didn’t even want to participate,’ he admits. ‘But I met you here and fell in love so quickly. I have never fallen in love with anyone this fast. I keep asking myself what I did to deserve you. You deserve so much better than this. Better than me.’

I shake my head. ‘Don’t cut yourself short like that, Henry. If there is someone who doesn’t deserve this, it’s me. And don’t you dare to tell me otherwise.’

But Henry wouldn’t be Henry, because he already opens his mouth, daring to tell me otherwise. I lean in, to shut him up with a kiss. While he lets it happen and I fully surrender myself to his lips, his words keep running through my mind. He is falling in love with me. I’m falling in love with him.

When I let go, I let out a shaky breath. So much is running through my mind. Love, fear, lust.

‘Come here,’ he whispers, pulling me close to his chest as I melt against his frame. ‘You are tense. What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ However, I just come to a realization. ‘Oh my.’

‘What is it?’

‘Are you my boyfriend?’

Henry starts to laugh, letting his head fall back.

‘Why are you laughing at me?’ I ask him, slapping him across his chest. ‘Forget I asked.’ I already want to step off his lap, however he is faster and stronger. He pulls me flush against his chest. ‘Let me go,’ I laugh.

‘I wasn’t laughing at you, Addy. I was laughing because you are adorable. If you want me to be your boyfriend, I’d be honored.’

Good thing I was already blushing. ‘You want me as your girlfriend?’ I ask him.

‘I’d love that.’ He places his hands on both sides of my face and runs his thumbs over my lips. ‘You are beautiful and my girlfriend.’ He sounds so giddy and my heart misses a few beats. ‘My girlfriend Adelaide Park.’

◎ ◎ ◎

Henry has wrapped his thick arm around my shoulders as we sit outside our cottage in front of some large screens. We are catching up with the other couples and Jennifer mentions something about not being able to wait until she can sleep in her own bed again and not hearing Charlie snore again.

‘And from the looks of it,’ Justin says to me, ‘You two will be sharing a bed more often.’

‘Don’t say stuff like that,’ I chuckle, as I am nearly puking with embarrassment.

Justin starts to chuckle. ‘So, what did you two do these days without camera’s?’

His wife Hailey slaps his stomach. ‘Don’t tease her like that. Look at her cheeks.’ She turns to Henry and says: ‘Come on, mister Witcher, protect your girl.’

Henry only clears his throat and Justin quickly tells us that he won’t do it anymore. The energy Henry Cavill possesses.

I now know for a fact that I should never ever let him go.

Jennifer quickly gives a short speech, telling us how great it was to get to know us, to be part of this first ever season of the program and how much she would love it, if we would do a reunion after a few months.

We watch some fan reactions of the last episode and much to my dismay, we have to rewatch our kiss a billion times. It’s embarrassing to watch the first time, but it’s not getting any easier the fourth or eight time.

‘Look at this response on Twitter,’ Jennifer laughs. ‘“They are so cute, it makes me wanna hurl”. You two are disgustingly cute, that’s a truth.’

The night continues and I hum in content when I know it’s almost over. We watch footage of us when we first arrived here, the only ones not being awkward, were Justin and Hailey obviously.

‘But, what was Henry like before he started here?’ the voiceover of a man sounds through the boxes. He tenses up beside me and I look at him, before I return my eyes back to the screen again.

Henry is in an office I don’t recognize, with men I don’t know. ‘I have to work with her?’ I hear Henry ask, as he is looking at my headshot. ‘This is so unfair. Have you any idea how unfair this is? I’m supposed to win this thing. How am I gonna win this, if I have to work with her?’

I swallow hard, as I stare at the screen and sit up straight. I shrug off his arm from my shoulders. Is this real?

‘We never said it would be easy, Henry,’ I hear someone else say. ‘But work with Adelaide, make sure you two can win this thing and please, don’t make it too obvious what your intentions are.’

I feel tears in my eyes. Intentions…

‘Fine, but when I win, James Bond is mine?’ Henry asks.

‘Addy, listen to me,’ Henry whispers, but I don’t. I listen to what is happening on the screen. I recognize this, when the screen switches to outside. This was the day we went shopping, the day where we snuck in kisses.

‘You’re losing, Henry. You what that means, right? You’re not getting James Bond,’ a different male voice says.

‘We’re not too far behind,’ Henry answers. ‘I’ll get her to man up, so we can win this.’

I think I would’ve preferred if Henry just punched my nose back into my face. I’ll get her to man up? Did he seriously just say that.

‘And, I never knew you were such a good actor. I almost believed you actually care about her.’

On screen Henry sighs. ‘Maybe after this, I’ll get even more jobs.’

The air has turned cold as ice. Everyone is quiet and I stare at the blacked out screen. The only thing I hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears. My eye twitches as my jaw clenches. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him.

Henry carefully places a hand on my back, but I stand up and walk inside. Thankfully we were at our cottage, since it has the best lighting, so I’m back there in a few seconds. I slam the door shut behind me and rush to the living room.

I should’ve known. I should’ve fucking known. This was obviously too good to be true. How could I be such an idiot?  Finally, fucking finally I have cleared my reputation of being so stupid and ditzy and now this happens. The whole world knows I simply fell for Henry Cavill, because I was easy.

I’m such a dumb cow.

‘Addy, let me explain,’ Henry says, who walks into our bedroom. No wait, not our bedroom. The bedroom. A bedroom.

I grab my suitcase before I place it on the bed. ‘What is there to explain?’ I ask him, as I start folding my clothes. ’It was pretty fucking obvious to me. You only par- parti- par-ti-ci-pa-ted to get that stupid James Bond part. You don’t like me, despite what you said to me. You just used me to get the job and more job offers.’ I push passed him, to grab my stuff from the bathroom.

At that exact moment a cameraman barges in, not wanting to let this moment go to waste, but somehow I don’t seem to care. I don’t even want to care. I’m just too mad at him right now to give a damn.

‘I didn’t use you,’ Henry says.

I open the door a lot harder than I’m supposed to, letting it smash against the wall, as my eyes fill with tears, all because of his wrong doing. ‘Enlighten me, Henry, what did you do then? Because judging from what you and I just watched and the rest of the world just watched, it made it seem like you were using me to get what you wanted.’

He sighs. ‘I meant what I said to you. I like you and I am falling in love with you.’

‘Hurray,’ I deadpan. I put everything in my suitcase and close it.

Henry swallows hard. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I’m going to the airport, so I can buy myself a ticket home, to visit my parents. You know, I know for a fact that they care about me for who I am and they would never ever use me the way you used me.’ I stare at my suitcase for a while and seeing my passport on top of it, makes a sob leave my eyes. I hide my face in both of my hands, as my shoulders shake when I cry.

‘No, Addy, please,’ he says, placing his hand on my shoulder, but I slap him away.

‘Stay away from me,’ I spit out, ‘and don’t you dare call me Addy anymore. Let… Le… Let me…’ Why can’t I find the right words to say now? ‘I’m going to tell you a few things and you cannot interrupt me.’

‘Okay,’ he simply says.

‘You stay as far from me as possible. I would like you to never ever mention me in an in… interview again. I don’t want you in my life anymore, neither do I want to be part of yours. You bet… betra…’ I take a deep breath as I try to get the word out of my mouth correctly. ‘You be-tray-ed me, Henry. You used me and I genuinely thought you cared about me. You know how hard it is for me to open up and… Never mind, I just hate the way you make me feel right now.’

‘There isn’t anything I can do to make it up to you?’ he asks. ‘Because I want to make this up to you. There must be something.’

I shake my head. ‘This isn’t something you can fix. What you told whoever those men were and what you told me… Those things aren’t the same. It’s either one or the other. And yes, you can change your mind, but the least you could’ve done, is told me about it. If you meant what you said to me, you would’ve had the decency to be honest with me. You should’ve told me your second agenda before you told me you fell in love with me, before you kissed me.’

Henry blinks a few times. ‘Adelaide, this can’t be the end.’

‘It’s the end,’ I say with more certainty than I have ever heard myself speak with. I simply grab my suitcases and walk out of the room.

Tears run over my cheeks as I brush passed the others, who want to know if I’m okay, but I’m not. I’m not okay and I know I won’t be for awhile. I need to go to see my dad, to hug my mom. I don’t want to be in Italy anymore, I need to go home and be with them.

I already spot a taxi at the stand, but before I can approach him, I hear a: ‘Adelaide, please wait a second.’

I stop walking and I hear two pair of footsteps. Those stupid camera people, I’m not going to miss them.

‘Don’t I get to say something to you?’ he asks, as he stands in front of me.

‘You said enough behind my back already,’ I tell him. ‘Get out of the way. Don’t make this harder than it already is.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry won’t cut it,’ I tell him, a lot harsher than I did before.

Henry rubs his face, before gently holding my hand. I know I shouldn’t let him do this, but I just want to feel his touch one more time, because I know this is going to be the last time I’ll ever feel it.

‘Henry, please, let me go.’

‘I am willing to do anything in the world to make it up to you, Adelaide Park. You are one of a kind. You are the one that I want to get to know even better.’

‘Don’t,’ I say. ‘Just don’t. Don’t contact me ever again, don’t audition for the part as my love interest and please if you ever see me before I see you, walk away. I can’t have you in my life.’

‘No, please,’ Henry says, holding my hand up to his chest, placing his other on top of his own. ‘I can’t lose you, Adelaide. What I said to my agent, before we met… It was true. I only participated because I wanted James Bond, but what I told you is true as well. I don’t want James Bond anymore. I just want you.’

‘Let me go,’ I say, not looking at him. ‘Please, Henry, now.’

‘Adelaide,’ he whispers.

‘Right now.’

He lets go of my hand and sighs deeply. ‘Is this the end?’ he asks. ‘Please, this can’t be the end.’

My sniffle is his answer and it’s all I can give him. ‘Goodbye, Henry.’