#Why the hell did I decide to write a relationship-focused story??

[use-your-telescope]

So yesterday I was introduced to Scrivener after I mentioned how I needed to organize my google drive, so I bought it and I've spent the last two days plugging my current draft of the Trickster into the program, I have discovered I'm at over 225,000 words (over 125,000 of which need heavy editing), which, wow! I am farther along on this than I thought I was (I do not write things in order, can you tell?).

Also... FUCK. I HAVE TO MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE. And because this is all in my head, I can't bounce ideas off of anyone without spoiling things for them... the one person who knows the ins- and outs- of every little bit of this story is in the middle of moving -.- *commence feeling very overwhelmed*

[theblacklewinsky]

Note: I'm feral for this man and this song + struggling w my writing format ( im new to this omg )

JADED | AARON PIERRE.

Toxic!Terry Richmond x Black!Female Reader.

warnings: MNDI!! this story is 18+ with depictions of but not limited to; sexual content ( finger!ng), extreme language (cursing, use of n-word, use of b-word), talking you through it. lil bit of exhibitionism if you squint, mild daddy k!nk.

summary: in which you decide to end the toxic situation-ship you share with Terry— except this man only know how to suck you back in.

tell me that we locked in, locked in, look in my eyes.

tell me that you mine and we ain't just fuckin, ain't just vibin.

Why were you nervous? It wasn't like you'd never been in the very same GMC pickup before—oh you'd been in here plenty times, plenty times. Your eyes flickered to whatever they could, other than him.

The backseat.

The same backseat you'd been folded. flipped, and fucked out on. It was clean now, he'd definitely had some detailing done, the remnants of how he made you squirt only two weeks earlier had vanished, once etched into the seat itself.

And why were you sad about that?

You averted your eyes away from the backseat, firmly turning straight forward in the passenger seat, teeth nervously gnawing at the skin in your jaw. It was way too silent and tense in the truck. Way too silent. "Hi..” you sheepishly muttered, tucking a stray curl from your wash and go behind your ear, eyes darting around the parking lot of your apartment complex. The parking lot was the safest option for you, you knew how incredibly intoxicating Terry was, which meant the more space from your bedroom, the better.

Out of your peripheral, you could see Terry's face contorted into a twisted mix of confusion anger. His brows furrowed together, a mug presenting itself on his face. "What the fuck?" He spat. "Wassup?" He asked, his tone more accusatory than anything.

Where the fuck did he get off acting hurt and confused? That was supposed to be your stance in this whole thing, hurt and confused. And most of the time it was. But tonight, it was a nice change of pace, the hurt and confusion lingered on Terry instead—in which you could finally take on the nonchalant and curt demeanor. It felt so good too. So good to finally not be the one with the lump in their throat, eyes burning from blinking back tears. This felt, good.

"Nothin', just chillin," you simply responded, playing with the smartphone in your lap, acrylic nails tapping at the casing.

"Fuck you mean just chillin?" He asked his brows furrowed as he tried to catch your darting eyes. "You ain't been seein' me text you?"

"Yeah?" You responded slowly in a questioning tone, as you focused on the ASICS on your feet. "Been busy lately."

You seen Terry texts. Shit, the past couple of days he'd been the one blowing you up. It started the other night when he rung your bell and you didn't answer, you knew it was him, and he knew you were home. Lights still on and bright in the kitchen.

Private Ryan: Just rung the bell

Private Ryan: Come out.

Private Ryan: I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night. I ain't handle that situation like a man. Lemme make it up to u

It was so hard ignoring Terry, he made it hard. He didn't text or call often, he wasn't hardcore into his phone like the rest of the generation, maybe the marines played a part in that? Hell, he made sure to stay active in an effort not to get addicted to his cellular device—that's why when he texted it was a big deal.

But no way this nigga thought that you'd be at his every beck and call when he couldn't even solidify a title between the two of you? Casual sex and jealousy gets old—especially when it isn't under the terms of a relationship.

It was fun at first, linking up and sneaking off. Getting folded like a lawn chair when you least expected it, but there was something about Terry that brung the strings to a no-strings-attached situation. You started craving him, wanting him, and you made that very clear, but Terry made his intentions crystal clear from the beginning. How could you fault him for not wanting what you want? But how he could he also fault you for the change in your attitude?

"Busy?" He repeated the word like it disgusted him. His burning gaze tore through you, you could feel the heat radiating from his glare. Terry let out a heavy breath, gently tapping his fist against the staring wheel as he finally averted his gaze to the windshield. Thank Q!

But as he tore his gaze away from you, you centered yours on him. And why the fuck would you go and do that? Knowing how gorgeous he was, especially when he was pissed off? Clenching and unclenching his jaw. He had some nerve coming over here with a fresh cut. Everything so lined up and sexy—

"I came over here, a few days ago," he sternly spoke, the rough edge to his voice only setting off the throbbing in your pussy, "and you know that 'cause you was home, lights on and shit, I'm textin' you and you reading the shit in real time. What the fuck?" He repeated the three words once again. His voice growing rougher by the second.

"Two weeks ago, I'm fillin' you up and today you actin' cold as hell? Fuck is goin on?"

And why did he keep saying all the wrong shit? Filling you up was an understatement, he was stuffing you to the brim quite literally, to the point where he had bottomed out and was still tryna give you more. Filling you up, ha.

"I can't do this anymore, Terry," the words came out of your mouth abruptly, almost like you could trust yourself to say them. Terry sat there unwavering, he didn't speak, he didn't move. This only prompted you to continue. "It's too much, we both want...different things. And I'm tired of feeling like I'm overextending myself to you, being too available for you. I can't do...whatever this is anymore."

"Pea..”

"Don't do that," you firmly responded. The direct eye contact didn't seem to deter you this time. There he went. Playing those mind games. Calling you that nickname. Pea. A shorter version of the popular nickname your grandfather frequently referred to you as, sweet pea.

Terry kissed his teeth. Oh he thought he knew what was up. It'd became clear as a day. "You fuckin' somebody else." The words came out soft, quiet almost as if there had been a realization.

You let out a heavy sigh, your eyes rolling at the comment, " I'm not having sex with anyone, Terry." You spoke truthfully. As if you could. He made that hard enough, he stuffed you perfectly. He knew how to find that spot inside of you so easily, almost like he vacationed there in his spare time. He knew exactly what made your eyes roll back, what made that squeal in the back of your throat come barreling out, he knew your body too well to let anyone else come and have a gander.

"But I am dating," you said more quietly than you anticipated. Maybe it's because the recent dates haven't been anything to brag about. Not that your online dating profile and messages to your homegirl hadn't been highly specific, you've been attracting the same types. Baby daddies and men way too old to still be trying to just hook up. "And I know what I want, and it's not this...anymore. I wanna be able to climb in bed with a man and wake up beside him too, and not worry about him being hot or cold, or when I'll see him again," yuck. Why did you feel that damn lump in your throat again?

"I'm so tired of feeling disposable." You finalized. Flashing your watery eyes to the window adjacent to you. You weren't gonna cry in front of him. Shit, you weren't that tender. But all your feelings hitting you at once in this situation made you more emotional than you gambled for. You knew the nonchalant facade would only last so long on you. Terry was trained in that shit. He had a poker face like no other.

Terry didn't deter his gaze from you, his gorgeous eyes soft and lingering. "I don't try to make you feel disposable, Pea."

"Yeah, well, you don't have to try. You just do." You mumbled quietly. "That's why I don't wanna do this shit anymore."

Terry kept his eyes on you, reaching his large hand out to grasp your smaller one at a failed attempt at interlacing your fingers when you snatched away.

"Stop, Terry!" You frowned folding your arms. "I'm serious. No more calling, and texting, and popping up at my place."

He barely acknowledged you, kissing his teeth and leaning over the center console to rub his hand across your tummy, gripping your sides. "Why you actin' like that? Like you don't miss daddy?" He mumbled softly, pressing soft kisses to your temple.

This man didn't give up. Your restraint was at zero, and just like that you were putty.

You shook your head, arms still crossed as you let out a small whimper in which you claimed to be a protest. Eyes lowering at his wandering hands. "Hm, you don't miss daddy?" He asked in response, his hand sliding back over your tummy, fingers fondling with the button on your shorts.

This is exactly what you wanted to avoid, that was the whole point of the parking lot. Far away from a bed. But you should've known that you didn't need a bed with Terry.

And yet, just like a dumb bitch you shook your head once again. Playing into his sick little game.

He trailed his soft, teasing lips down your cheek until he reached your neck, leaving a searing trail behind on the skin there. You sucked your bottom lip in, a solid attempt at trying to keep whatever moans he was pulling out of you at bay. You couldn't betray yourself even more than you had already done. You came down here to end things, and instead you were about to get folded in half once again. The circle of life if you will.

"You don't miss me? So why you lettin' me take these off you right now?" He asked. Oh he was soo condescending. He tugged on the bottom of your shorts, and look at you, lifting up to help him earning a chuckle. You were so easy. "Nipples been hard ever since I touched you," he mumbled in between kisses to your neck, his hand busying itself up to your breast while your shorts slid down your legs, rubbing your hardened nipple through the thin fabric of your tank top.

You suck in a sharp breath. Your body was on fire. You felt like you were on fire. Every kiss made you hotter, and the way he was touching you had your pussy fluttering. You had to be ovulating, this shit wasn't normal.

"That pussy so wet, I know it," he spoke, his voice lower, lips sucking on the thin flesh on the side of your neck, hand roughly parting your thighs earning another isolated whimper from you. His hand rubbing the inside of your thighs, leaving a lingering tingle behind. He was such a fucking tease sometimes.

He kissed his way back to your cheek, all the while his hands left soft slaps, and grips to your inner thigh. Your eyes fluttered closed at his constant teasing, breathing uneven as hell. You felt like you were swelling with need.

"Look at you, baby," he hummed against your ear, "you a horny fuckin' mess," he tsk'd in your ear, fingers dancing over to your pussy. Fingers lazing dancing over your slit through the thin fabric of your panties. A shaky breath slipped past your lips a soft drawn out moan following. Hell, the betrayal was already done.

"Niggas not treatin' my bitch right, huh?" He rhetorically asked referring to your dates, his own eyes focusing on the lazy dance his fingers were doing on your barely exposed pussy, until he quickly got bored and used those same fingers to move the fabric aside. "Can't be, otherwise you wouldn't be this fuckin' turned on right now." He answered his own questions, fingers immediately doing slow, hypnotizing circles on your clit.

"Fuhhh," you moaned out in response, arms immediately parting so that you could grip onto the sides of your seat for a sense of stability.

"Mhm," he hummed in response, "pussy wet just like I thought," he mumbled dragging his pointer and middle finger up and down your pussy a few times before slowly slipping the both of them in your heated core at once earning a choked out moan from you. You fit around his fingers so perfectly, almost as if he'd molded your pussy to do so.

His brows furrowed as his fingers searched inside of her, knuckle deep, "fuck," he cursed, "look how you suckin' my fingers in you like that. You missed daddy, this fuckin' pussy missed me."

It wasn't like you could respond at all, he was literally pulling your moans out of you with his fingers. His free hand had busied itself with pulling up your tank top and exposing your braless titties.

"Look how you came out here," he kissed his teeth, fingers massaging your slippery insides, the lewd sounds of your pussy squelching on his fingers filled the pickup truck, his other fingers pulling and tugging on your hardened nipples, squeezing softly before quickly pulling away. "Barely fuckin' dressed, you wanted this. You wanted daddy to get you right, huh?"

"Talkin' about' dates, you don't want them fuckin' clowns," he hummed peppering soft kisses on your cheek, his fingers attacking that delicious spot inside of you. "You just want daddy to flood that pussy again? Make you his bitch?"

"Oouu shit, daddy!" You moaned out, eyes squeezing shut as your head lazily fell against his shoulder. Him humming in agreement to your moans followed by a cocky chuckle. "Right there, right there!" You rushed out. Your resolve had slipped away a long time ago.

"Where baby?" He cooed,his tone condescending. "Right here?" He asked his fingers never deterring from the spot, instead he pushed them deeper, faster.

Your eyes rolled back into your head as his fingers continued to work inside of you, he whispered other obscenities to you as he finger fucked you good. Deliciously good. So good that you couldn't decipher or comprehend anything he'd been saying. The sound of your pussy around his fingers was sending you to another bliss you didn't know you could reach.

"Listen to how messy that pussy sound on my fingers, baby," he groaned, his free hand gripping your face firmly, tilting your head up from his shoulder so that he could watch your facial expressions closely. He smiled as he watched you; eyes squeezed shut, lips forming into that familiar frown he knew so well, a long whine following suit.

"Yeah, that pussy wanna cum for daddy don't she?" He asked placing a sloppy kiss on your parted lips.

"Oh my god," you whined your brows furrowing as you opened your watery eyes to Terry looking down right at you.

"Yeah, she do," he mumbled nodding his eyes focusing in on the assault his fingers were doing to your pussy before slipping them out slowly, rubbing the stickiness he accumulated on his fingers onto your clit in slow, agonizing circles earning a whine from you. "You better not fuckin' cum though," he mumbled quietly to you, hand softly tapping against your cheek.

"Don't..cum?" You slurred through a moan for confirmation. You could barely comprehend what he was saying, you were so deliciously close. So close.

"Don't cum," he slapped his finger against your pussy lightly, the wet plaps almost enough to send you over the edge. Only almost though. "Get in the backseat, I wanna get in that pussy." He spoke hand slapping down on your sensitive pussy once again, sending trembles to your already weakened legs.

—

cheers to my first fanfic on here lolz! feedback and criticism always welcome 💗💕 hope you enjoyed xx!

[cozycottagetarot]

Quick Pick: Messages From Your Person

Hello, my loves! It's been way too long, but I'm finally back (hopefully for a long time) with a new reading as well as a bit of a rebrand. Today's reading is focused on messages from your person (kind of in the realm of a future spouse but generally a long-term partner) but I think for some of you it may come across as a current partner as well.

This is a pretty experimental reading for me. I want to start including an 'energy check' of sorts to help you better figure out if a pile is for you or not. I've done 'channelled' messages before but I felt weird about them so I've decided to give it a try again. The message aspect of this reading is just a free-flow writing of the cards that were pulled. And of course, I decided to play around a little bit more with my graphics. I'm always open to feedback, so I'd love to gather your thoughts on the set-up and reading itself.

Elle 🌿

P.S. I'm trying to re-do my masterlist but can't locate all my old pacs easily. If you come across one, I wouldn't mind if you send me the link. 🙏

Support My Work | MASTERLIST

Disclaimer: When reading tarot, my aim is to focus on self-reflection and seeking guidance. The readings you'll find here are designed to add a pinch of fun and entertainment to your day. While I might sprinkle in some advice that hopefully vibes with you, please remember that these insights aren't a substitute for any professional advice you might need-- after all, you know your journey best! For any love-related or future-focused readings, consider them captivating musings exploring possibilities. Divination inspired stories even. I can't predict the future but I do hope to add some enjoyment and insights into your everyday. Lastly my darlings, please take from these readings what resonates with you most, be it some, all or none, and leave the rest. 🌟

PILE 1

Note: Pile 1 your pile gave me absolute hell the first time around 😭. I was writing/channelling the message and the energy literally just gave way at one point, I was flabbergasted 🫨. Anyway, the second pull was much clearer, but I included notes I felt were important from the first pull in the post-reading notes section.

Your Energy:

Going through an awakening. A need or call for self-reflection. A new cycle is beginning. You must face what you are running from within, but you must also be patient. Rely on your inner strength. Needing to learn more about yourself before doing/trying something different. Potentially finding yourself in part of a mentorship. Connecting with people similar to yourself. Navigating regrets. Needing to let go of the old you. Needing to ground yourself.  A strong energy of needing to look within yourself. It is time to prepare yourself for your next journey.

The Message:

Can you let the past go? We’ve been through so much, the both of us, on our own and together. Why do you hold on to it when our future is waiting for us? I know I hurt you and I apologize. You didn’t deserve any of the pain I caused you. I don’t blame you [it felt like there was a specific reason but I couldn’t get the specifics] but I feel lost without you. I could tell you why, I want to, but words mean nothing without action. You know my story. My relationship with my mother, how that shaped me. You know I love the attention of it all, having everyone’s eyes on me. Makes me feel good.. makes me feel. But no one else’s attention mattered like yours did. I felt most close to myself with you. Please, please let go of that version of me you’re holding onto in your head. I’m taking space because I need to heal. I need to heal my relationship with me first before I can heal it with us. This isn’t goodbye; just so long for now. I’m taking time to put that me in the past too and find myself and what I want from this life. I mean it’s simple really, I want you, us. I want to give you the good life you deserve, but I need to fix myself first. Give me the self-love I deserve.

Post-Reading Notes:

There’s a mature, sad regretful energy. Someone on a journey of self-exploration. Two hurting souls who met at the wrong time. One of you may be further along in your healing journey or you’ve both healed parts of yourself and your relationship that the other one hasn’t healed yet.

First Pull Notes:

One of the first things that came to mind for me is a dark night of the soul… I haven’t heard that term in so long and I’ve completely forgotten what it means, but for someone in this pile, I feel like that may resonate a lot. Going through a tough time. Blow after blow. Your higher self or inner wisdom is trying to reach you. Introspection before a new beginning. An ending of something you don’t want to let go of?

Big things are happening in your life, and significant changes are taking place even though it might not seem that way right now. Lots of air energy. Gaining mental clarity is super important for you right now. Breakup vibes? You two are like opposite sides or motivations of the same energy. Holding on when you know you should let go. This is definitely your person (one of the cards literally says ‘You’re my person’).

PILE 2

Your Energy:

For some of you are at the end of suffering but lying to yourself about the truth of the outcome, while for others you’re running from the mistakes made along the way. Maybe it's both. You’re still grieving all that is lost, be gentle with yourself. Hard work and consistency may await you but keep at it. Adventure is closer than you think. You’re on the brink of success. Moving forward hurts, but you must. Your person (or something you've been romanticising) is waiting for you. You just have to be brave enough to step through the gate. Opportunities are coming your way. If you're interested in floral hobbies or embroidery go for it.

The Message:

I hear you. I haven’t given up on you. I hear the songs you play for me, I hear the songs of your heart. You’re my love, my soulmate. We were meant to be, you and me. You’re not crazy or insane, or any other term you demean yourself with. You’re my everything. I can feel your soul even though we’re apart. If I close my eyes hard enough, I can feel you there. I can see your sparkling soul mirroring mine... sad eyes, bright smile, you leave me in awe. I know you call to me, and I’m sorry I’m not there. Don’t hate me for it, please. I’m leaving behind all that has been holding me back… the same as you. I’m sorry it’s so lonely. I want to meet. What do you say? Impromptu trip to the tropics? Somewhere cold? I just want to escape the world with you and lie in your arms. You’re my home. I sit in your energy and let it guide me your way. But I do need time. Please be patient with me. I haven’t abandoned you. I’m finding me, for you. I dream about you so often and being the kind of person you’d inspire me to be.

Post-Reading Notes:

"I need you to run to me, run to me, lover." (Run by Hozier, the chorus specifically. I know the song is supposed to be a metaphor but I'm suggesting it at face value). A very healing energy to your person's messages. Your person could also fantasise about you a lot... in a non-x-rated 18+ kind of way. It was mentioned on one of the cards but that part of the card felt awkward in the rest of the cards. They’re possessive, it doesn't seem like in a negative or extreme way but again, that's not something that was strong or clear. There’s something to do with the attention of others. They just want to be yours completely… Honestly, a submissive yet dominant kind of energy. A protector and/or provider (take that as you will) who is absolutely smitten with you and will do anything you say.

I don't typically read for it, but one of the cards had twin flame written on it. It could also be symbolic of mirroring each other in your personal journeys in life.

PILE 3

Your Energy:

Powerful yet solitary energy. A new chapter of your life. Accomplishing a big goal. Moving to a new location. Creating a good foundation for yourself in preparation for what comes next. Balancing your energies. Sleep issues. Struggling with anxiety or managing thoughts after a traumatic event. Celebration. Having security. Authoritarian role or vibes.

The Message:

Okay, I can do this: I can’t get you off of my mind. I’m constantly thinking of you, viewing your content, trying to set myself up to run into you. I know it’s silly, especially since you hurt me. Who pines after the person that hurt them? Well, it wasn't meant to be mean. You’re just so mysterious I can’t ever read you and it or you make me nervous. I’m always worrying about what to say. I want to talk to you but opening up to others is hard. I’m afraid I’ll start crying or you’ll hear my voice crack. You’re my person. I’m sure of it. You’re everything I’ve hoped for in a person, everything I dream about before I go to sleep at night. You’re doing so well for yourself, but I want to spoil you and be there for you. Not always materially. I know you can cover that for yourself. But being there for you and spending time with you… I heard you were seeing someone. I hope it’s not true and even if it is, I hope it doesn't last. No, I’m not sorry. I’m going to work up the courage to reach out to you soon.

Post-Reading Notes:

Oh Pile 3, you’re so intimidating to your person. Secret admirer vibes. I definitely think you’ve got a very serious or professional energy and an intimidating appearance. That may especially be true if you’re taller than average for your demographic/s. The energies here feel very balanced or neutral (not heavily feminine or masculine) on both your end and theirs.

PILE 4

Your Energy:

Such a beautiful light-hearted energy. There’s such a beautiful and hopeful energy in this relationship here but it’s also possible someone or something is working against you right now. A very important decision is being made. Someone could be trying to take something from you, but keep going. You’ve got this incredible power/energy to you. Vows are super important, be it making them with someone else or making a vow to yourself to gain or achieve something. Collaboration. Having everything you need to succeed. There could be challengers coming your way but you're strong enough to overcome them.

The Message:

I’m sorry. I don’t know, that was immature of me. I swear it wasn’t like you thought but don’t worry I’m going to do better. Honest. You know, I dream about us being together and growing old. I dream about our kids. They’re so stinking cute. We’ve still got growing to do, ok, or I’ve still got growing to do. Please talk to me. You know I hate it when you give me the silent treatment. I know I disappeared on you and that wasn’t cool. I just get so… I care about you a lot. I don’t want to see you hurt. I want the best for you. I know I act all big and bad but I’m a softie at heart. That fight was weird. I don’t like it. It wasn’t like us. It meant nothing I know. Would you pack up and run away with me if I asked? I hate the distance between us right now. Im always listening to our playlist. I know I acted like I'm uninterested in something serious but I am. I want you. I miss you. I want to spoil you and give you everything you deserve. Just give me a chance. Please hear me out.

Post-Reading Notes:

The vibes while doing the reading felt like very young vibes? There’s a youthfulness there. Someone who either is actually young in age or hasn’t grown up emotionally in a certain aspect. It felt like they did something prideful that was hurtful to you and you two are in a disconnect during the moment captured in the reading. It didn’t feel like a serious fight. More so when you’re upset with someone and acting like you’re madder than you really are (your vibes) and the other person is sweating and begging you to talk to them again (their vibes).

Also, idk why but Peter Parker kept coming into my head 🕸️. I’m not feeling to analyse it so take it as you will.

[thatsodapopgirl]

Some basic backstory of my Bill Created Alastor Au (I’m gonna be honest I might add or change stuff if I ever decide to write a fic)

Origins

Bill had become frustrated with humans for continuing to disappoint him. He thought to himself, If angels were the supposed ‘perfect’ beings, why did they create such fragile and at times dull creatures? I bet I could create a way better human! And he decided to go through with it and make the perfect obedient human tool; an anchor for access to different realities. Or so he thought.

He used the same ingredients such as the dust to create his human just with added modifications such giving them dark magical abilities.

For Alastor it started as worship because Bill was his creator and was considered Bill’s favorite. But after gaining knowledge and growing into his own person throughout the years, Alastor began to understand that he was merely a pawn in Bill’s game. It was until the 1920’s that Alastor began to question Bill and his own existence. Alastor had fallen for the radio and was able to convince Bill that with his radio show, he would be able to spread Bill’s influence. However, as he began to live life as an independent human, he began to do things for himself now. He didn’t randomly kill humans, he killed humans he deemed were deserving for their evil actions and he became focused on other topics to talk about besides Bill on his broadcasts. Bill saw this as the first act of defiance in Alastor and had to ‘fix’ him. But despite the torture and threats of death, Alastor continued doing what he thought was best for himself and his audience.

So Bill took another page from heaven, he sent his human to hell. This again backfired, hell in a way was similar to the Nightmare realm except there was no controlling triangle breathing down your neck, it was freedom. So when he had no choice but to leave because of Bill’s plan for Gravity Falls, Alastor had grown to resent his creator, his god, his father.

Bill’s View of the Angels

As we all know, Bill Cipher is a being of pure chaos and causing havoc wherever he goes. Basically he’s everything Heaven doesn’t stand for. Bill also sees the angels as stuffy snobs who think they’re better than everyone else. So he never really had much interest to ever engage with them, until he heard about the Eden incident and evil was released into earth. It was the most hilarious thing Bill ever heard and to know it was one of their own that had a part in it was even sweeter. It was also an opportunity to finally be able to go into the dimension where earth was and to conquer it.

While on earth, Bill began to notice that most of his schemes and atrocities he committed were all being blamed on this one particular angel, Lucifer. Honestly, it pissed the dream demon off that this guy was basically stealing all his street cred. So when he decided to check this hell for himself, he would say it was pretty impressive. It was fun to watch all these humans turned demons still continue to cause pain and misery even in death. And then he met the big cheese in charge; apparently he heard that Bill managed to sneak into hell and was disrupting order in the other rings. If he had just stayed in the pride ring, Bill probably wouldn’t have been found out early on because the pride ring was already chaotic.

Lucifer knew of the stories of Bill Cipher's terror and it was only a matter of time until he plunged all of hell into its own destruction. He may not like the sinners, but the hellborn didn’t deserve to lose their world and he had to protect his family. He was able to fight Bill off and create barriers to keep the triangle at bay and to never set foot in hell ever again.

When Bill found out Alastor was dating an angel he felt sick, but when he found it was Lucifer of all people, he lost another bit of his remaining sanity.

Bill and Alastor Relationship

Bill at the beginning only saw Alastor as a pet/puppet. He still even refers to Alastor as one, but deep deep deep deeeeep down he started to care about the human he created (he will deny this however). Out of everyone, Alastor was the only one Bill felt comfortable talking about Euclydia and his family. He was given the same story like everybody else that he liberated his universe, but there were times he was vulnerable enough to give Alastor bits and pieces of the actual truth. The best Alastor could conclude was that Bill must have started with good intentions in trying to reveal the third dimension to his people, but something went terribly wrong and that’s the most information he could get because Bill would black out and not remember.

As Alastor’s powers grew, Bill had made him his right hand man. Alastor would be Bill’s eyes and ears whenever Bill would send him somewhere and be a spy. However, he felt like he was losing Alastor’s loyalty bit by bit because of the influence of humans, so he decided to send him to hell. To Bill, sending Alastor to hell was like sending your kid to summer camp; however to Alastor it felt like abandonment. Still, Bill assumed once he took over earth, he’d do the same with hell and give it to Alastor as a gift.

Alastor and Pine’s Family

Alastor had met Ford first when he was ordered by Bill to hunt him down. This would be Alastor’s first act of defiance, yes he hunted and tormented Ford throughout the years (he loved the twisted cat and mouse game) but when he was actually close to capturing Ford, he’d let him escape at the last second. Bill was none the wiser because he still believed in Alastor’s loyalty despite the attitude he came back with. Ford eventually developed insomnia because of the nightmares of the Radio Demon and wherever he went, the demon would always find him. So learning his family was friends with the monster who haunted his dreams was a horrific discovery.

After spending three years tormenting Stanford Pines, Alastor spent the last four years living in Gravity Falls. His mission this time was to make sure all pieces on the chessboard would fall into place for Stanley Pines to open the portal again to get Ford back. But in true Alastor fashion, he took his time and decided to have a bit of fun while he was there. If he was going to spend however long in such a small town, might as well give the townsfolk the proper medium of entertainment.

As Alastor stationed a new radio studio in Gravity Falls, this would lead him to making a partnership with Stan Pines and talk about the Mystery Shack during his radio show.

The Pine twins were also to win over, Mabel was already a fan of his radio show, especially his romance segment and Dipper was someone who craved acknowledgement. So when Alastor told the boy about his newest segment of the supernatural and wanting to know about the child’s adventures, it was easy.

Despite using them, Alastor couldn’t help but grow a bit attached to the Pines for they were a colorful bunch. When Weirdmageddon happened and everything was revealed, it wasn’t pretty.

Hazbin Hotel and Alastor’s relationship with Lucifer

Pretty much the same happens in the show. Except with Alastor keeping his secret identity. He could have revealed himself and what he was when he was sent to hell, but he didn’t know how the outcome would have been. The sinners and other overlords weren’t much of a problem, but there was still the hierarchy of hell and despite him being powerful, so was Bill but he had been banished or at least prohibited from entering hell. So if all of hell knew he was the creation of the dream demon, he’d most likely be a target for everyone. And it didn’t help that the king of hell was already beginning to feel suspicious of him. So Alastor decided to turn up the charm and get into the king’s good graces. Since the beginning of Alastor’s existence, he was taught how to recognize and manipulate one’s feelings. He could tell Lucifer still yearned for affection and companionship.

It wasn’t easy, the two would constantly argue but after finding things in common and Alastor suddenly being sweet; Lucifer began to fall for Alastor. And Alastor caught the fallen angel into his web, what he didn’t expect was to fall for him too.

Unfortunately, his secret was discovered for the last seven years he was involved in Weirdmaggedon. Lucifer had known about Bill Cipher especially his time as Angel in heaven, and he wasted no time shielding hell. So learning that Alastor was created by him was devastating and angry. He felt so lied to and having Charlie be so close to danger was enough for him to kick Alastor out of the hotel. Both were heartbroken, Lucifer despite his anger still had feelings towards Alastor and Alastor had never felt such affection for anyone.

And since Lucifer wanted no trace of Bill in hell, it was best he left hell entirely. Besides, he’s been dealing with Bill telepathically wanting him to return back to earth.

Bill and Alastor now

Since Alastor is an anchor, Bill is able to return to earth but not physically for he’s still trapped in the Theraprism. They’re all they have left now since both lost everything. For Alastor, it seems strange because now he’s the one taking care of his creator because Bill is slowly losing his mind, but still wants to try again.

Unknown to them, Ford has discovered they are both back and decided to hunt them down. Not just Ford, but also Lucifer and the rest of the residents at the hotel. Lucifer decided he would be the one to bring Alastor back to hell, (he kicked him out of the hotel but not hell) and he wanted to apologize for his overreaction.

I wrote this while still brainstorming ideas and plots for my au. Cause I plan to do one shot comics or maybe mini comics. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to write a fanfiction of it though since I still need to finish some other stuff.

[decks-writing-blog]

There's Nothing Wrong With You

Summary: Everyone's assuming Alyx and Gordon are a couple. They're wrong and it's starting to annoy Alyx.

[A/N] Originally I had the idea of writing a fic exploring why Eli assumes Alyx and Gordon are romantically inclined towards each other and how he wants to support Alyx in that as well as why he wants to specifically encourage it. And then it was gonna end with her coming in with a 'hey, this ain't it, please stop' and then it becomes a coming out story (it is pride month after all) in which she's supported. But I couldn't find a good opening so I decided to write it from Alyx's POV instead and just have it be the 'this ain't it' and coming out part but accidentally discovery wrote my way into this instead. Some of my salt about how little attention Alyx gets from the fandom and how the vast majority of the attention she does get is when she's being shipped with Gordon inevitably came into play. I suppose it was only a matter of time before it did because it bothers me kinda a lot. Please Half-Life fandom, pay more attention to Alyx; she's literally the main character of the story and she's cool, stop sleeping on her so much. I have to make literally everything I want to see fic-wise in this fandom (I already read almost if not all of what little was here already) myself.

~

Gordon was a good man. Alyx liked him. Of course she did, there was no possible way for her to not like him. They’d gone to hell and back together and then he’d gone to hell and back to bring her home. She’d never been closer to anyone she didn’t consider family.

Everyone assumed things about him and her based off how obvious all of that was. At first it hadn’t been a big deal. It had just been teasing and Dad’s occasional mention of wanting grand kids one day. But the further away they got from the Combine being kicked off Earth and Alyx’s return to it, the more people just assumed things. It wasn’t a question to be teased about anymore but seemingly an accepted fact by many both among the former Resistance people as well as the regular citizens.

Which was annoying but not that big a deal right up until their rebuilding efforts had gotten far enough along that it was decided a book needed to be published detailing the Combine’s expulsion from Earth. As an important part of it, Alyx was interviewed. The interviewer had focused a bit too much on her relationship with Gordon even straight up asking, “When seeing him for the first time was it love at first sight or did it take a bit longer?”

Even now, hours later, Alyx still stewed in annoyance – thinking about it so much wasn’t helping of course but she couldn’t help it. She’d handled herself well… mostly. Her frustration had shown through a bit more than she’d intended but she hadn’t embarrassed herself. But it still irked her. There was people making incorrect assumptions about her love life and then there was the way they associated her with Gordon; that her role in everything only mattered in that she was Gordon’s girlfriend. The interviewer hadn’t cared about the things she’d done or her other relationships; she was Gordon’s smart talented girlfriend and that’s what defined her as a person.

She had to talk to Gordon about it. Immediately hadn’t been an option. Gordon’s interview for the book was going much longer than hers had. Which made sense, he’d done more and wasn’t talkative so getting him to share a lot about anything took some time. And someone might have to be interpreting his signing. Or maybe they just had him writing stuff down. Regardless of the reason she sat on a nearby chair and waited until finally the door opened.

The interviewer came out first followed by Gordon and then Barney. Likely then Barney had been acting as sign language interpreter as he’d unofficially taken on that role. As soon as Gordon’s eyes caught on her, he abandoned that ending conversation and walked over.

She stood. “We need to talk.”

He nodded. Either an agreement that they had something to talk about or just an ‘okay’.

“Is now a good time?” The thought of putting it off any longer itched but he’d just got out of a long interview. Pressing him immediately into another conversation was a tall ask.

Another nod before he turned and waved Barney over. What he signed to him, Alyx didn’t catch from this angle.

“Uh… all right then. Catch up with you two later then.” With a hand wave, Barney turned and headed off.

Gordon turned back to face her. “The yard?”

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

Luckily it was at that perfect time of evening when the base was still mostly empty and the few people who were around were busy with work around here or getting ready to go to wherever they called home. Meaning they didn’t encounter many people on their way through the halls, minimizing the amount of people who interrupted them to talk to Gordon. Sometimes when she was alone they wanted to talk to her – often about Gordon – but always when with him, they just wanted to talk to him. Other than that, the two of them didn’t say as they made their way along.

The yard was Dog’s new area, including his rebuilt house where he could plug-in to recharge. It was smaller than his old area back before City 17 blew up. But being so busy helping with various construction projects, he wasn’t in it as often so it wasn’t a big deal. Unfortunately he was off on one such outing right now, leaving the place feeling rather barren. Long gone were the days he’d just sat around guarding and playing with Alyx. He gotten smarter, resulting in him growing antsy if forced to sit around in one place for too long and he was too great a help to not be put to work moving heavy things. Everyone had to do their part rebuilding society after all. But still it’d be nice to be able to spend more time with him.

That complaint was small next to her main one though as she followed Gordon over the little table and chairs set in the corner. He in particular often came out here to be alone especially during mealtimes. She joined him fairly frequently so this was familiar.

Once seated across from each other they sat in silence for a little while. Her not knowing how to begin and him patiently waiting for her to figure it out. … It would make sense for them to be dating, wouldn’t it? She had every reason in the world to want to kiss him. But did she want to? She’d never considered such a thought before. Seen other people do it plenty of times but never thought of it as something she might one day do.

It’d be wet, wouldn’t it? Wet specifically with saliva. And his breath would probably be hot and who knows if it’d even smell good. Apparently sometimes tongue touching was involved somehow too. … Ew. Gross.

And then there were the other things couples often did. What would his hands feel like caressing her bare body and breasts? Dad wanted grand kids too so… The book Isaac had given her detailing sex and everything around it, including pregnancy had been thorough but also deeply clinical. Making it easy to not think about it as something that might happen to her. But when applied to real life, pregnancy sounded like something straight out of a horror novel. The thought of something growing inside her, feeding off her body, distorting and twisting it was nauseating. And not just because that’s similar to what the headcrabs did to their victims, realizing that comparison only made the idea more horrific. Why would anyone want that?

Also the act of getting pregnant, she didn’t remember what the book said well enough to recall all of what it had detailed about the physical act of sex and how it was done. The general thought of a penis going inside her made her tense up and pulled her legs tighter together. How could such a thing possibly be desirable?

Okay so, she didn’t want Gordon to touch her like that, not even a kiss. She certainly had no desire to carry his child, Dad would just have to live with no grand kids . But that wasn’t all there was to romance though, right? Dad and Isaac were dating and a lot of the time that manifested as looks, subtle touches, and the ways they talked to each other, especially when alone – it was hard not to accidentally overhear their flirting sometimes. Did she want any of that with Gordon?

What would ‘any of that’ even entail for them exactly? What made romantic love, romantic love? Books painted it as something different and the way people talked about their partners was often different than the ways they talked about their friends and family. Supposedly romance was this big grand thing but… why? What even was it? It was different from platonic or familiallove but in what way? One was supposed to just know, right? Why did it feel like such a foreign concept to her? Was there was something wrong with her for not loving Gordon the way everyone, including her own father, thought she did?

Gordon tapped the table between them, drawing her gaze back up onto him. “Are you okay?”

Damn, she’d been siting here long enough that it had grown awkward. “I uh… I don’t love you. Or no! I do, of course I love you, you’re my best friend. But… I don’t love you in the way everyone thinks I do. Sorry.” Her intention had been to express her annoyance with everyone’s assumptions about them and talk to him about correcting that misinformation but instead she was apologizing because what if everyone was right and she should feel that way? What if Gordon felt that way and she’d just broken his heart? “I don’t know if you uh… feel that way about me or whatever but… I just don’t. Sorry.”

His expression didn’t change, it rarely did. “I don’t feel that way about you and am relieved you reciprocate that.”

Alyx let out the breath she’d been holding before lifting her hands to respond in sign. Such wasn’t necessary but it always felt more polite and because of how often she did so, she’d gotten pretty good at conversing in sign language. “Really?”

He nodded. “I was starting to worry I would have to turn you down. It’s always an awkward conversation.”

“Is it a conversation you’ve had a lot?”

He shrugged. “A few times.”

“Do you not feel that way about anyone or… have you just not found the right person yet?” Was Alyx alone in not feeling such things? Or was something wrong with her? Maybe she was a lesbian. The thought of a woman kissing or touching her sexually felt just as gross though.

“No one. There is no right person. Even before… everything, I never wanted romance or sex. I want it even less now.”

“Is it normal to not want that ever? Is it normal to be… grossed out by the thought of it? It’s just… it never came up before. Stuff was always happening with the Combine and I never thought twice about dating or whatever. But now everyone assumes we’re together and for a moment I thought that… maybe we should be since that seems to be what’s expected. But then when I really thought about it, it felt gross. And I realized I don’t even really know what romance is supposed to feel like or whatever. Is that weird?” Was Alyx weird for feeling that way?

Gordon paused for a moment, his hands hovering in the air for a couple seconds before responding. “It’s uncommon but it’s normal. You’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you.” It’s almost like he’d read her mind, dispelling that worry before it could even properly take root. If he felt that way too then it had to be just the way some people were, right?

“Thanks.”

He nodded. “Do you want to do more to correct people?”

“That’s uh… actually the thing I wanted to talk to you about, mainly. It’s gone a bit beyond being kind of annoying.” They should’ve done something to correct that notion before now.

“Okay. Also, you and the rest of the Resistance don’t get as much credit as you deserve. I fixed that in my interview earlier… or tried to.”

“That too. Dad’s the leader and like… barely anyone ever wants to give him credit for stuff.” He’d done a lot, including gathering up the Resistance and laying the bedrock that allowed all the big stuff she and Gordon had accomplished to occur. The only stuff Gordon had done entirely on his own was dealing with the Resonance Cascade. “This books stuff should be a good time finally get everything straight, huh?”

“Yes. I love you too by the way, as a friend.”

[remimibanana]

A bit about Scales that Burn Flame!

I wrote a story about Sol Badguy!

It takes place during Revelator, around the time when That Man and his servants come to talk to Sol, Ky, Leo and Dr Paradigm. It focuses on what might have happened after Ky threw Sol out the door.

Mostly, it’s just Sol going through it and Ky trying to help alongside Jack-O’ but it’s kind of questionable if they actually did help at all in all honesty.

If you’d like to read it, please click here!

I wanted to talk about my thoughts in more detail, thinking that maybe you’d be interested to hear my thoughts as well! It's just me blabbing about how much I love Guilty Gear, mind you.

All under the cut!

Conception

It all started when I watched all of Sign, Revelator, REV 2 and Strive’s story and arcade modes after reading the digest mangas because I wanted to learn about Guilty Gear lore.

Is it a little crazy? Maybe.

I love Guilty Gear so much, you have no damn idea how it tickles my brain in the good way. All the characters have such depth to them, I have no clue how Daisuke does it but I bow down to his power.

The music is AMAZING as well. You don’t even have to be into the games to enjoy the sheer bangers that come from them. My favourite song is Freesia, the amount of emotion in it always takes me aback when I listen to it.

FREESIAAAAAAAAA HERE I AMMMMMMM—

My favourite story is the one that whole Xrd line of games tells! I think it’s one of the better ones in terms of how it’s told over the course of (technically) three games.

I also like Overture’s story for Valentine and the ending where Sol has to kill her but then learns that she was a clone of Aria…I think it has a great one. The game isn’t that bad to play either, I’ve done about half of the missions!

And Strive’s one too because it ends off Sol’s story and he gets to actually be with Jack-O’ by the end! Axl and Megumi too!

Fun fact, I’ve cried at the end of Sign, Revelator and Strive after watching their stories. They were all so good in many ways!

One of my gripes with the story in general is that we don’t get to see much of the in-between before major events, which is really apparent in Strive. Sometimes characters just appear out of nowhere and it’s a little jarring.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but I wished we got to see more of certain characters and how they got to the major events happening. I wanted to learn more about their thoughts and feelings that would give everyone so much more than they already had and make the overall story even better!

This is especially the case with Sol and Jack-O. I really think that they should have had more interaction during Revelator and Strive since their relationship is so important to both their characters.

For example, we get nothing from when Sol was thrown out the door to when they’re on Johnny’s ship on the way to where Elphelt is. You’re telling me that they did not interact once in between all that and that Sol was somehow okay with the whole idea of who Jack-O’ was just like that?

They deserve better and so I decided to take it all into my own two hands. I would write it out myself since I realised that I can cook my own meals and so I cooked (hopefully well)!

Why Sol’s point of view?

I chose to write in Sol’s point of view since he’s one of my favourite characters. I didn’t think I would like him so much when I first got into Guilty Gear, but once I learnt about his backstory….

THIS POOR GUY.

YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE KILLED ARIA MULTIPLE TIMES AND IS A SCIENTIST WHO IS SMART AS HELL????

MAN, I LOVE HIM. HE IS PERFECT TO ME.

I’ve never written someone like him before, so it was a fun challenge. I don’t know how well I managed to portray him in all honesty, I wanted a good mix between his whole asshole personality and the humanity that’s underneath it all.

I tried my best!

There’s a whole bunch of swearing everywhere as you can tell, I think Sol’s one of those people who swears more internally than he does externally. It was fun dropping a bunch of bullshits and fucks all around, but I hope I didn’t overdo it.

I’m sorry to whoever clicks on it without reading the tags and is just bombarded by swears. Sol swears and there’s nothing I can do about it. It wouldn’t sound like him otherwise.

The story was originally was going to have a different plot where I alternated between Jack-O’ and Sol’s point of views while focusing on their pasts but I scrapped it since couldn’t work out how to bring Jack-O’ and Frederick into it without making the flow of the story weird.

It also wasn’t meant to be this long but my stories always tend to be long as hell. I think this one is borderline close to my magnum opus, Paradox which is impressive!

I remember at around the 15k point, I thought I would be done and then subsequently kept on writing and writing….

I hope you all still enjoyed it none of the less!

Beginning

We see that the story starts off with a bit about Sol himself for the readers. We learn right away about his stances on various things and how he hates Asuka and how much he loved Aria.

It was the perfect place to start the story, providing the right amount of information I could work with for the rest of it! I thought it would also work for someone who didn't know too much Guilty Gear and wanted to still read it.

I liked writing the whole section where Sol just calls the whole thing bullshit. I think it’s a fun word, bullshit. Ah, bullshit.

The most important thing to this part is that it builds up to one of the main major scenes that features a wonderful person named Ky Kiske and his long wonderful hair who tries to help.

Why did you cut it in Strive????

Sol and Ky

This part here could be read as Sol/Ky in my opinion, because you can’t tell me that there isn’t something between the two of them. I didn’t really intend it to be but you really can’t miss the possibility of such things in the way I wrote it.

Anyway!

As we know, Ky threw Sol out the door and Sol let out his huge scream we see in the main story.

I think it’s strange that no one ever mentions it happening at all. There’s no way in hell that they didn’t hear from behind the door and yet it’s as if it never happened.

Once again, since we never got to see the in between…we wouldn’t ever know. I had a lot of creative control over here, but I tried to make it realistic so it could sound like something you’d see in the actual story if we got it!

Sol breaks down, consumed by his own damming thoughts that only told him how it was all his fault at the end for killing her. It’s the only logical conclusion after learning what he learnt from the person he hates the most and the girl who was technically Aria.

You can tell that Ky is pretty worried about Sol, because he’s never seen him like this. Sol’s not one to show much emotion aside from grumpy and royally pissed off.

Unfortunately for Sol, he keeps telling him to breathe over and over. I think that Ky’s trying his best to comfort his rival but it’s not working out since Sol’s not even listening.

Sol hears the words from Jack-O’ and Asuka behind the door, and well…all hell breaks loose. I don’t know how accurate his reaction would be, but I tried my best based on how he acts!

In After Story A, we find out that Sol was actually scared of Ky back in the days of the Crusades. I had to bring that into the story here, using that gaze as a way to snap Sol out of his state at times.

My favourite part I wrote was when Sol yelled at Ky that he killed Aria. I think it’s something that takes even you aback, because you don’t expect him to say it to anyone, let alone Ky.

I think I cooked here.

You can tell that I keep bringing up the concept of the headaches. We see them mostly in Overture when Sol is near Valentine (and when he sees Jack-O’ for the first time in Revelator and it’s mentioned in his win quote for Ram in Sign). I feel like we never see them again after that and I think it’s important!

I imagine his head hurts because of the fact that it is Aria in a way and he’s reacting to it (amplified thanks to the Flame of Corruption + the probable instincts that came with becoming a Gear).

How could I not use it?

Sol’s intermission by the fountain—

He breaks. Again. I’m sorry Sol, I swear I do love you, it’s just that it’s for the plot.

This is probably the most emotional part of the story, one where Sol is quite literally going through it.

You can tell that the style of writing is different here. It's more faster, more messy, almost chaotic. That's what I wanted, to reflect how Sol was feeling throughout all this.

I chose the Royal Court for this! I was thinking about where Sol could go after storming off from everyone, and all I could think about was a fountain. I had some ideas of using his reflection, but I wasn’t sure if there was a place in Illyria Castle that had it.

I searched it up and boom! I even played Xrd and checked out the stage, and there was definitely a fountain and a walkway that lead to it, so I went straight to writing!

During the part with Ky, I mentioned how Sol’s hand started to smoke twice. That was foreshadowing for him losing control of his powers. I think his power is linked with his emotions, flaring up when he’s more angry as an example.

I think he would simply transform into his Dragon Install if he’s overwhelmed, as you can see that happening at the end of this part.

I used quotes from the original game, Overture and Sign for the flashback scenes. I remember I was searching up for the script for Sign, but found this website instead where it had some of the messed up things that happen in the series.

I never played the original game, but seeing “Sol, the Guilty Gear, stared at his bloodstained hands and prayed. Prayed for the soul of the grotesque sacrifice laying before his feet.” made my heart drop in a good way.

IT’S SO GOOD.

I had to use it. I thought it would be painful if I mentioned every single time he killed Aria or she’s mentioned explicitly in the story, just to hammer it all in ehe

You can see that Sol punches himself at the end to knock himself out before he can fully transform. I think he ultimately does care about his actions and how he can affect everyone, and he didn’t want to become that monster he kept calling himself.

Poor guy….

Sol and Jack-O!

I wanted the two of them to interact one to one. We only got that at the end before Jack-O’ merged with Justice and that was only for like 30 seconds tops, which is so unfair!

I needed an excuse for her to come back to see him after she left.

I feel like Asuka would be monitoring Sol from the shadows like some creepy person. He probably has something that can tell him about Sol and the state of the Flame of Corruption inside of him.

The whole breakdown surely would have raised some alarm bells and so, he sends his remaining two servants out to see if Sol was okay. Asuka had an inkling that it was related to what Jack-O’ probably told him before she came back.

He’s probably like that.

This whole section jumps from one thing to another, which suits Jack-O’ perfectly. Poor Sol’s emotions are going from one end to another thanks to her antics and wonderful words.

I really like Jack-O’ Valentine, if you can’t tell. I wanted to show that more philosophical side we see in Jam’s story mode that we barely get to see otherwise in Revelator. Strive gives us a lot more of it, at least.

“Don’t be pushed around by fate, don’t be swept along by the time, don’t be fearful by parting, don’t run away from death, and go towards the future you believe in…Frederick.”

“As long as you remember me, my story will never vanish.”

These lines here are from Honkai Impact 3rd! It’s a game I absolutely love and I was playing through some more of Part 1 and these lines that Mei says when she talks about the Elysian Realm were perfect and I stole them.

I always keep stealing things from the game, don’t look at me lol

It sounded like something Aria would say. She would tell Frederick this if she had the chance to, giving him the hope he needs to continue on.

Sol (kinda) cries! I don't think we ever see him crying in any of the games but I thought that hearing such words would make him cry in some way. I made it up that it was the Flame of Corruption's fault that he can't have actual tears, since it would make sense!

High temperature + Tears = Evaporation after all!

You can see that Sol was thinking about kissing Jack-O’, just for a second. Look, you can’t tell me that he doesn’t see his lover (technically) and he doesn’t want to kiss her again as he used to?

Of course he doesn’t, he would never do anything to her without her permission. I think Sol would be a stickler about that, as seen when he asked her about if she wanted to go on a vacation or do work in Strive at the beginning.

I don't know how in character this is, but it's there.

The end makes me laugh because of how quickly Sol shifts from being (somewhat) happy to pissed off in a split second (LOL).

Candy, Candy!!!

We have Sol and Jack-O’ looking for the kitchen for candy, how fun!

This part wasn’t meant to be as long as I made it, but I got heavily invested into the plot I made up and it kept flowing out of me….

I think I overdid it, so much crazy shit happens in this part but I think it’s funny so…it’s okay? I hope you all liked it!

I like how Ky and Jack-O' have a little fun friendship here. I think they would good friends at the end if they had the chance to communicate, like so!

I think Sol would be jealous of them. I mean, they act like goodie goodie friends out of nowhere? I like how they mostly gang up on him and he gets all mad.

We have Alyssa in the story! You know, that one girl from After Story C that made that giant pudding. I just wanted to make Sol have beef for no reason and she sounded like the person for the job. He absolutely hates her for no reason.

We have a chocolate fight too. Uh...this idea just came up in my brain and I had to write it. I thought it was so damn funny that Jack-O' is attacking him a whole block of chocolate for no reason. The worst part was that Sol would actually get into it.

I think it was at this point that it started getting a little crazy but I think you could plausibly see this in game. I mean, after all the crazy stuff that happens in After Story C, anything is possible lol

Raven here is a little shit of course. I think he would shoot Sol with one of his needles for fun, and of course no one cares. Ky is sort of just there but he gets his parts too!

I had fun writing this part!

Leo.

Leo.

I mentioned how Sol was going to get a mouthful from him since he kept destroying public property and I couldn’t help myself from writing it out.

I just wanted to make Leo freak out and faint. I hope it made you laugh!

That’s a wrap!

Thank you for reading all this if you do!

I had a lot of fun writing this story while being very Guilty Gear brainrotted about literally everything and anything with this series.

These characters make me very happy. I could go on day about Sol and Jack-O', and it's not funny.

-Miku

[tojiscrack]

𝐑𝐄-𝐃𝐎 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

: ̗̀➛ word count: 16.5k

: ̗̀➛ pairing: levi ackerman x reader

: ̗̀➛ notes: a lot of this will be following a more canon-divergent type of writing. the first arc i’m writing is the cadet corps and once that’s done, and the relationship has a more firm grounding, i’ll move on to the canon plot. and i have a lot planned 🤭

: ̗̀➛ summary: despite your friends betraying you previously, you moved passed it to tell them the story of the love triangle between you, keith, and captain levi. and the things they say makes you begin to re-think the first impression you left on your soon-to-be husband..

previous chapter :) next chapter :)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

“you have to focus!”

“i can’t!”

“well you have to!”

“why don’t you focus for the both of us?”

“how the hell am i supposed to do that?”

“by focusing!”

“i am focused!”

“no you’re not!”

“how did the tables turn so quickly?”

marco sighed, watching as his two friends continued to bicker without getting any actual work done. the trio were sat on the training field, marco sitting on the hard concrete, and jean and you standing on either side of him, yelling obscene words at each other.

the three of you did not need to train at this very moment, for the weekends had arrived, meaning that only half the day would be used for training, and after noon, you were free to do whatever you wanted (aside from breaking any other regulations, of course). however, unlike every other weekend, both marco and jean had decided that they would do some voluntary training in preparation for the upcoming exams coming the following week. you had protested, but certainly not hard enough to convince both of your friends to take the day off with you, so huffing and puffing, you reluctantly dragged yourself out of bed to strain more muscles in your body because that was just how miserable you were.

you hadn’t completely forgiven marco for betraying you the other day, and he knew it, for you did not let any of his comments go free without a jab at them: 1. ‘the porridge tastes weird today, huh..’ — ‘weird, like how weird it was when a friend betrays a friend, right?’, 2. ‘i can’t fight without a weapon!’ — ‘but you didn’t have a weapon in your hand when you chose to fight for shadis last week’, 3. ‘jean, it’s not my fault!’ — ‘just like how it wasn’t your fault when i was left helpless in the stables?’, and many, many more occasions.

at first, he would look down in shame, but after it happened for the nth time, he seemed to have gotten immune to the feeling, and merely rolled his eyes at you, smiling all the while. you were not impressed.

but that was a topic for another time.

right now, you needed to focus on your pla— training. your training. you had to focus on your training. your plan for training, really.

although you had been deemed as number ten for the southern division of the 104th cadet corps, that position could change before the final examination. next week, it would be the second to last change, and you knew you had to maintain the pace you were working at (if not slightly harder, seeing as people were beginning to step up their game).

your initial plan was to move up the list, because you knew you could. however, you had realised a little later on that it wasn’t necessary to, for all you needed to do was be in the top ten to reduce the risk of a growing population of future mp’s, and seeing as you were most definitely joining the scout regiment, there was no need for such brutal competition for the higher positions. you were doing just fine at number ten.

so you had to keep it.

but how were you supposed to do that when jean would keep eating your ear off as if it were as tasty as dry hay?

“are you thinking about captain levi again?” snapped jean, both hands placed on his hips. he reminded you of a mother scolding their child.

“no!” you denied, folding your arms over your chest, attempting to ignore the heat crawling up your neck, choosing to rest in your cheeks. it was a hot day today after all, you couldn’t be blamed for how warm you were beginning to feel. “i saw him just last week, there’s no reason for me to be —”

“cut the bullshit y/n,” interrupted jean exasperatedly. “you look like he just proposed to you.”

you grinned.

“stop giving her ideas, jean,” marco groaned from below.

you looked down. he seemed to be picking at the grass, calloused hands seeming to be weakened with the amount of work marco had been putting in for the last couple of days.

“scrap it already,” demanded jean, staring at you firmly. “it’s never gonna happen. he’s the captain of the scouts and you’re — you’re —”

your stare hardened. “i’m what?”

“out of damn control,” he finished, running a hand through his hair. “we’re lucky enough to even be in the top ten, you know that?”

“doesn’t matter to me,” you shrugged mindlessly. “i’m not joining the mp’s.”

jean frowned, his thin brows knitting together as he performed a stretch that would help with the back of his upper arms (one elbow raised whilst the other hand pushes it down his back). “the garrisons would be pretty happy with a cadet who has a high ranking.”

“the scouts, you mean,” you corrected, eyes narrowing.

you watched the way in which his face appeared to be blank for a moment, the hardened gaze he usually held so proudly beginning to falter ever so slightly. the heavy breathing from marco had been halted, too, and you wondered whether he was choosing to hold his breath.

“sure,” jean nodded calmly. you couldn’t help but believe that he still did not seem to approve of your idea. “whatever.”

“i think we should just cut to the chase,” marco calmly added, carrying his weight on his elbows, leaning back to look up at you. he was hiding in your shadow in an attempt to shield himself from the blinding light of the sun. “what’re you planning?”

you blinked, dumbfounded.

“huh?”

“you’re not fooling anyone, y/n,” said marco.

“except, maybe, yourself if you actually think that we haven’t noticed how distracted you’ve been lately,” commented jean, only resulting in you exaggeratedly mimicking him out of spite. he scoffed at your childish act.

“i would tell you guys,” you began truthfully, “but i have trust issues now.”

marco groaned loudly. “i’m sorry, okay? will you let it go already?”

“never,” you stated coldly. “live with regret.”

“how come you don’t bother jean about it? he started it!”

“oh jean’s already learnt his lesson,” you answered smugly. and with a glance at jean, you said, “haven’t you?”

“shut up y/n.”

“watch it,” you warned, “i won’t hesitate to put you back in there.”

“shadis wouldn’t believe you unless you do it like last time,” said jean, lip quirking upwards. “and that would mean you have to be there too.”

you smiled innocently. “so be it.”

jean took a step back to create a larger distance between you two.

“you’re psycho.

“no, i’m y/n.”

“i’m convinced they mean the same thing at this point,” sighed marco, shaking his head tiredly.

“okay, fine, i’ll tell you,” you said, and marco actually sat up in interest expectantly. “but under one condition.” the two boys looked at each other warily. you continued. “you help me with something.”

jean did not waste a single second before he spoke loudly.

“absolutely not,” he protested, shaking his head defiantly. “no way. whatever you’re getting yourself involved in, i’m out.”

you rolled your eyes. “i only need one of you anyway. marco?”

marco hesitated; you smiled. the single hesitation told you that he was actually considering it instead of shutting it down straight away.

jean was aware of this, his light brown eyes darting from you to marco in alarm.

“no, marco’s not doing it either,” he demanded with an air of dominance. he made eye contact with the said boy. “you’re not doing it.”

“who are you, his mother?” you teased, smirking. “he can make decisions for himself.”

“yeah, except when it comes to you.”

“and that’s where you come in?”

“i’m saving him.”

“from what?”

“from you!”

“i pose no danger to him,” you say honestly. “it’s just a small favour.”

“a small favour for something big, i know it.”

you said nothing.

“i’m right, aren’t i?” questioned jean, eyes wide.

“marco,” you say soothingly, choosing to ignore jean and his frantic self, “what do you say? help a girl out?”

marco had a hand over his chin, looking as though he were deciding something life threatening. men are so dramatic, you thought to yourself.

“i don’t know..” he said, causing your patience to thin.

“marco, you’re smarter than this,” that stupid jean intervened, and you felt a tingle in your arm that you knew could be solved if you swung it at his face.

you racked your brains for a small moment, trying to gather ideas of what could persuade your rational friend.

“i’ll forgive you for your betrayal?” you tried convincingly.

“sold.”

“what?” yelled jean, outraged.

you smiled widely, holding a hand out to marco to pull him up. he took it sheepishly, standing up and then shaking it as if you guys had made a wonderful business deal — to you, perhaps it was. you did mean business after all.

“i knew you’d redeem yourself,” you told him excitedly, blocking out jean’s exaggerating arm movements of protest. you had half a mind to tell him how he looked as though he were neighing but decided that this was punishment enough.

marco scratched the back of his head once his hand had been released from your hold.

“so what’s this plan of yours?”

“i need to get into keith’s office,” you revealed calmly; jean looked scandalised.

he turned to marco.

“don’t tell me that’s not risky,” he said sharply. then, he looked back at you, eyebrows raised so far up his head, lines were beginning to form. “and who the fuck are you calling ‘keith’?”

you groaned, slapping your forehead.

“it just keeps slipping out,” you admitted, barely abashed. “never mind that. i have to get something in there.”

“what’re you looking for?” asked marco curiously.

“i don’t really know yet,” you answered.

jean let out a dry laugh.

“definitely not a red flag or anything.”

“can it,” you hissed, eyes narrowed. “i just need to find anything in there that’ll tell me when the captain’s next arrival is. i have to see him again.”

“that’s great and all,” marco began, sounding hesitant once more, “but.. what makes you think that..?”

you raised a brow at him expectantly. the way in which he was searching for words but also leaving his sentence incomplete made you question whether he was expecting you to finish it, to immediately understand whatever he was trying to get at.

“what, marco?”

he rubbed his palms against his jacket, shaking his head rapidly, murmuring something you couldn’t quite catch.

deciding to forget whatever he was going to say, jean seemed to have thought the opposite, choosing to complete his friend’s sentence without a single stutter and the upmost confidence.

“what makes you think that the captain wants to see you again?”

you blinked up at him.

“why wouldn’t he want to see me again?” you shot back. “i’m amazing.”

“so amazing that you even have commandant shadis hiding from you?”

“he doesn’t hide from me.”

jean scowled. “the day after your little farting mishap, i saw him use odm when you came out of the mess hall.”

you were beginning to think that perhaps he was right but you were much more stubborn than jean was.

“all of the higher ups use odm,” you tried, shrugging as though it did not matter at all.

“yeah.. when they’re in definite danger. gas and supplies have to be saved at all times, so the fact that he uses it when he sees you near —”

your heart had probably dropped in to your stomach and you felt sick. if you had managed to scare away shadis, what first impression did you leave on your soon-to-be husband? what did he think of you now? a cadet that went haywire? a cadet that is in need of proper discipline? or worse.. a cadet that is unworthy of joining the scout regiment?

the urge to pull your hair out of the roots was only growing bigger and bigger, for the realisation that perhaps he was even considering banning you from joining the scouts and reuniting with your partner in crime (erwin) had just become more notable to you.

no, that can’t be possible, a voice in your head spoke, erwin would put in a good word for you, right? … right?

and now a sense of dread filled you from the top of your head all the way to the tips of your toes.

instead of deterring you from your plan, your friends seemed to have accidentally got you determined to complete the plan at more urgency than before.

“well then the plan has to happen today,” you declared, determined.

jean’s face resembled one of trauma.

“what? no, that’s not what i —”

“scrap that,” you re-decided, ignoring the way jean’s shoulders had dropped as though a weight had been lifted off of them, “the plan has to happen right now.”

he looked more alarmed than ever.

“no!”

“where’s keith right now?” you asked marco, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. “is he on duty?”

“i don’t know his schedule,” marco responded nervously. “i thought you would. hey, why are we doing this right now?”

“because i just realised i need to make a new first impression,” you answered confidently. “he probably wants nothing to do with me, i have to see him and prepare a plan b.”

“just.. why?” groaned jean, rubbing his hands over his face exhaustedly.

you glared at him.

“all married couples have arguments like this, we’re just in the middle of one,” you told him wisely. “stay out of it, jean.”

“trust me, i will.”

a headache beginning to form, you turned around, a hand placed just over your eyes to shield yourself from the sun for a better view of the mess hall from afar. you wondered whether keith would be inside there, frightening the cadets as they wolfed down their breakfast. the only way, you concluded, that you would be able to see if his office was free or not was to walk by it, slyly shaking the door knob to see whether it was locked or not. and seeing as keith was trying his best to avoid you, if he did encounter you, it’s less likely that he would reprimand you in comparison to how likely it would be that he merely ignores your presence and runs away.

you clapped your hands together, ignoring the way both jean and marco jumped ever so slightly at the impact of your palms meeting.

“i know what i have to do,” you stated proudly, eyeing marco. “what we have to do.”

“marco,” jean called out warningly.

“jean, do not make me get you a family reunion,” you threatened honestly. “believe it or not, i really don’t want to —”

“please stop arguing,” sighed marco, standing between the two of you as a peacemaker. “please?”

you smiled innocently, gazing up at jean’s chocolate-brown eyes in victory; he did not return the gesture, opting to glare daggers at you instead. victory truly was sweet, because no matter how many times jean tried now, marco was still part of your plan out of his own free will — nothing to do with you of course.

“i have to check keith’s office,” you told them, specifically marco, calmly.

“commandant shadis,” corrected jean bitterly. “before you go around telling everyone i told you to call him that.”

“it happened six days ago, get over it,” you dismissed him bluntly. “now, i just need to go over there and get inside. you have to cover me.”

marco looked you up and down before sharing his thoughts with you.

“not to be cocky or anything,” he started, scratching the back of his head with a brow raised, “but with how short you are, i don’t think you even need me for that.”

“not just physically,” you said, flicking his forehead at his stupidity. “if keith comes over, then you have to talk to him, bring up some sort of conversation.”

“won’t he get suspicious?”

you laughed.

“marco, you of all people don’t have to worry about that.”

“that’s not what he meant,” added jean, rolling his eyes at you. “shadis will think something’s up ‘cause, for some stupid reason, we’re friends with you. he’ll know you’re up to something and that you’re using marco to do it.”

although it was a good point, you knew that this part of the plan would be the least of your worries.

“keith’s not that smart,” you countered, sounding as sure as you felt. “if he was, the countless other stuff that i’ve done in the three years that i’ve been here wouldn’t have happened under his watch. just trust me on this.”

jean did not seem convinced, but marco looked worse. it would be more helpful if jean was helping out, but seeing as he was so fucking stubborn on his decision, you knew he couldn’t be moved and you would rather die than admit that his help was very much needed. it didn’t matter as much that he was not persuaded, so long as marco was, you would be fine, but that was the problem: he wasn’t.

“if we get caught — which we won’t — i’ll take the blame,” you reassured, but that only made marco’s frown deepen.

“what? no, that wouldn’t be fair at all —”

you’d had enough.

“marco, if you don’t shut the fudge up and just let me take the lead, i will slap you.”

sheepishly, he smiled.

“i guess i deserved that,” he mumbled. “i’ll do it.”

you beamed. “wonderful! let’s go now.”

you turned away, feeling a swell of pride bloom in your chest. this was one out of the many failed attempts that you had managed to successfully corrupt marco bott, and jean was not able to prevent it like he usually could.

“n-now?” you heard marco stutter.

“no, tomorrow afternoon.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

you intertwined your fingers together behind your back, walking along the corridors lightened up by the sun through the windows with ease, trying your best to look as though you were not up to anything.

it was difficult, though.

on several occasions, people looked back at you with curiosity, grinning behind their hands as they whispered amongst themselves something that, no doubt, had to do with you. once or twice you heard the very words ‘what’s she doing now?’ when you waited by the window sill, carefully watching marco run around the field keeping an eye out for keith.

at long last, marco turned around and looked up, waving frantically to grab your attention and then presenting to you two thumbs up, letting you know that the beast (keith) had been spotted and the plan was to commence.

adrenaline running through your veins like a marathon runner, you hurriedly walked over to the door, walking up and down the corridor once.. twice.. three times before standing in front of his office, hands behind your back as you clasped the cool door knob.

you pushed your head forwards and looked left and right before movement had been caught to your attention: ready to explain yourself, you noticed that it was a false alarm, that keith was still outside somewhere with marco covering you. instead, the very people not far down the corridor were three you knew all too well: eren jaeger, mikasa ackerman, and armin arlert.

sighing in relief, you violently shook the knob not realising how old the door must have been, because it made a loud clattering noise so that the three that were walking away from you were now forced to look over their shoulders and identify what (or rather who) was making such a racket.

it didn’t matter that mikasa’s dark eyes were piercing directly into yours in mild peculiarity, nor did it matter that eren was now intrigued with whatever the hell you were doing — judging by the way he opted to step back and regard you with a raised eyebrow.

“what’re you doing?” he asked, when you had silently cheered because of the creak of the door opening. “why are you outside the commandant’s office?”

if this kid wasn’t so damn nosy all the time, you thought to yourself, taking a step back into the office.

“i’m waiting for him,” you lied quickly. “er — be on your way now.”

eren’s brows were beginning to furrow. ah shoot, you cursed in your head, forgot he has anger issues.

“sorry,” you apologised, eyeing mikasa for help. you knew she also felt that eren stuck his nose in business that was not his. “i just have something to do.”

“like farting in the commandant’s office?” armin perked up.

at first, you thought he was spiting you, but when you actually stared at him, you realised that he was drop dead serious, a question with no malicious intent behind it. besides, it was armin, armin who never caused any trouble, armin who was almost as innocent as marco. his cheeks turned pink when he got no response from you, so you hurried to correct him.

“no,” you scowled, barely abashed. “i didn’t do it on purpose —”

“why didn’t you just hold it in?” asked eren, shrugging.

armin nodded in agreement. “yeah, you couldn’t have gotten in trouble if you did. was it really that bad?”

“i —”

“commandant shadis looks distressed nowadays,” mikasa commented coolly. “is it because of you?”

“it was a fart, it’s super unhealthy if you hold — wait.. why am i even explaining myself to you?”

you became wary of the little time you had left in your hands, majority of it used up because of eren’s stupid inquisitiveness.

“i have business to attend to!” you stated, frustrated.

and with that, you shut the door in their faces, exhaling in annoyance.

only for you to open the door once more and find them standing there, bewildered and blank faced.

“if anyone asks, you didn’t see me here,” you said, slamming the door again.

you could have sworn your heard armin question whether you were up to something or not and whether this meant that it’d be joint enterprise because they were at the scene. yep, you thought dryly, as innocent as marco.

shaking the thought away, you began to get to work, all but sprinting to his desk in search for papers, notes, anything that would alert you of the captain’s next arrival. there was no luck at all, all the sheets on his desk were merely random forms for god-knows-what. you did, however, notice a small change to the room in comparison to your last visit: there were several candles around the room even though the lamp was still working (you had checked just to be sure). it was after a more thorough examination (where you brought the candle up to eye level) did you realise that it was scented. what smell was he trying to get rid of by using scented candles?

you shrugged, lord knew at this point, because you surely didn’t.

you began to grow more irked with your constant failure at every attempt on searching for anything that would hint at the captain’s next arrival, before you grew intrigued by a thin sheet underneath one of the lit up candles.

interested, you dashed forwards, lifting the candle and taking the note underneath it. hands shaky, your eyes scanned the messy scrawl you noticed to be keith’s handwriting before nearly squealing in excitement, feeling the same rush of exhilaration you usually felt when flying through the trees using odm. the note read: ‘higher ups expected to help with the examinations for the 104th cadets next week’.

and that was all the information you needed before bolting out of the room, passing keith who paused, stared at you, and then sighed, shaking his head as he walked away.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

today was a good day. the day after was even better. and the day after that was brilliantly excellent.

even the during mandatory training session, you had managed to out-do annie in hand-to-hand combat, and when she stood back up after taking a particularly hard beat down from you, she regarded you with a nod, which was much more recognition she gave to anyone ever.

“do i even want to know what’s got you in such a disgusting mood?” keith had the audacity to ask that day, reluctantly ticking something on the paper that was pressed against the clipboard in his hands. you had a very strong feeling it had something to do with your training progress.

“i’d be happy to explain,” you lied, sending him a smile that was all too fake.

the commandant walked away from you, grunting. “please don’t.”

you raised your middle finger at him as he marched over to mikasa next.

by that point, both jean and marco had made it to your side, all of you collectively watching as keith nodded to the dark haired girl, praising her silently with his eyes.

“think he noticed?” questioned jean, leaning in to your side to speak in a low voice.

“he’s daft,” you assured, mainly for marco’s comfort — who was standing on your right shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “hasn’t suspected a thing.”

“good,” voiced jean sourly. “you know what we — i mean — marco had to go through trying to speak to him? it was hell.”

you looked up at him skeptically. “so why are you so pissed?”

jean took this accusation to heart.

“i’m not!”

“okay.”

“but i’m not!”

“fine.”

“i don’t know what made you think —”

“jean, shut the frick up,” you sighed, clueless as to why he was getting so defensive. you raised a brow at marco, who shrugged at your friend’s odd behaviour.

but jean, instead of continuing to act in such a weird manner, opted to glance at you in disgust, looking you up and down and returning to his usual argumentative personality. you scowled at him, tilting your head up to address him directly.

“what?” you vocalised accusingly.

“it wouldn’t kill you to swear, y’know.”

“what’s it to you?” you interrogated defensively. “honestly jean, keep your flipping mouth shut.”

“on a better note,” started marco, very obviously changing the conversation, “your training has gotten so much better, y/n. had a change of heart?”

you looked away from jean, watching as your fellow classmates continued battling each other with desperation. as keith moved around the different pairs, you noticed how every time he got close to one of them, they would immediately fix their posture and fight as if their lives depended on it. it seemed as though people were really taking it serious from here on out, but it made your stomach flip uncomfortably. as much as you would love to join the scouts, this was only a scarce reminder that the three years you spent with all these people would be long gone and (possibly) forgotten, too.

“no,” you answered truthfully, releasing a tired breath. “i just feel good. and humble me real quick because it’s only hand-to-hand combat. i’m the best at that.”

“won’t help you much if you plan on fighting titans,” mumbled jean.

you chose to ignore his comment, clearly made to prove to you how the scout regiment is not where you should be going.

still, that didn’t stop you from stepping on his foot and relishing in the feeling of triumph when his face turned a nasty shade of blue; you grinned nonetheless.

the day after that was when it was real competition. the second you woke from your long, recharging sleep, you noticed how the bed across you (usually occupied by sasha) was made neatly and looked as if it hadn’t been slept in. this was an odd occurrence because you knew sasha very well, and you also knew her to be up only moments after you for breakfast — which you sometimes skipped to join jean and marco in their early morning training (begrudgingly, of course).

when you walked along the corridors to make you way to the boys’ barracks, people were putting their heads together to whisper in hushed voices, looking all too stressed with dark bags underneath their reddened eyes. their nerves were beginning to make yours become more existent. had they lost sleep over this? but you hadn’t, so what did that say about you?

palms tingling, you ignored the sign besides the entrance to the boys’ barracks stating (in bold) ‘no girls allowed’. you weren’t even sure whether the higher ups put it there or if one of the former cadets did. either way, you had ignored it on your first day in the training corps (and had several pillows thrown at you) and will continue to ignore it till your last day; it was tradition now.

and with that, you reached the fourth door down to the left of the corridor, one that you had memorised after taking this path for three years straight without fail. where you used to receive grimaces at your appearance in this area of the building by the boys who resided here, you now no longer get a second glance, as if you had become the exception to the words in bold. funny, you thought, as you entered their room without knocking, because you remembered the odd glances krista had gotten when she (bless her soul) was helping patch thomas wagner up after a particularly rough day of training.

you didn’t get to breathe a single bit of sweat and whatever else their stinky room smelt of before your face was met with the soft impact of a pillow mashing against your nose. hand tightened on the door knob you hadn’t let go of yet, you opened your eyes — when had you closed them? — and frowned at your attacker: jean was sitting upright on the bottom bunk of his bed, glaring at you as if you had betrayed him in some way (the irony).

“wow,” you spoke dryly, “that hurt.”

“learn to knock, woman!”

“i called it,” you heard marco sigh from the other end of the small room.

you raised a brow at him.

“your arrival,” he clarified helpfully. unlike jean, marco was not completely dressed, still taking his time with the straps on his chest. “i predicted it.”

you shut the door behind you, leaning against the cool wood. “congratulations buddy. want a reward?”

marco, to your surprise, actually nodded.

“not exactly,” he answered, and then turned around to reveal his back side where the straps had not been tied properly. “just a little help if you don’t mind.”

you said nothing as you helped him out, stepping forward without hesitation. ever the smartest one of you all, jean had decided that your compliance and lack of energy meant something was wrong, whether for you or for them, he had no clue, and took great care in demanding answers from you.

“thought you’d be excited for today,” he snapped after you carefully placed his pillow on his bed rather than choosing to smother him with it. he narrowed his eyes at you. “what’s wrong with you?”

“nothing,” you shrugged.

“bullshit.”

“hey, if she’s behaving, that’s all we’ve ever wanted,” intervened marco brightly. he stood beside you, smiling, and you noticed that the proximity between you was so little, you could count each freckle dotted on his cheeks if you so wished. “i don’t think we should be questioning it.”

“the hell is that supposed to mean?” you voiced defensively.

jean sat up in a way that looked as though he was expecting something.. almost hopeful you’d let out a certain reaction to confirm his theories. luckily for him, you did not have the energy to annoy them like you usually did, and so you had no choice but to resort to a more calm response (which was notably very much unlike you).

“whatever,” you sighed, tired.

his eyebrows rose up so that there were lines on his forehead.

“wha—”

“when are we leaving for breakfast?” you asked neutrally.

jean’s head swivelled to face marco, who was looking mildly impressed.

“you’re not gonna question her behaviour?” he demanded, staring at the dark haired boy in outrage. “why’s she acting like this?” he glared at you. “why are you acting like this?”

you blinked. “do you want me to hit you?”

“maybe it’s the stress for the exams,” marco innocently suggested.

at that, jean did not waste any time in demonstrating how wrong he felt that answer was. bursting out in fits of laughter with a hand draped over his lower abdomen and his other hand pointed at their freckled friend, jean practically choked on his own spit. you scowled.

“all right man, it’s not that funny.”

“her? stressed for the exams?” he managed to breathe out, unnecessarily slapping his knee at the thought. you hoped he would injure himself sooner or later. “have i ever told you how funny you are, marco?”

marco scratched the back of his head, shrugging instead of choosing to reply. obviously jean had not, but nobody was going to voice that out loud.

truthfully, it wasn’t exactly the stress of the exams that had got you in such a lazy mood, but rather the fact that your husband — hang on, time to be serious — your crush was going to be present, and you had spent no time attempting to better your scores like everyone else had been doing. it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because you had no care for it, but that was the issue: the idea that because you had no care for it — unlike everyone else — there’s a possibility that you won’t be able to impress him when some people might have surpassed you during the time that you had decided to not do excessive training.

but of course, if you told them that, then they’d just go back to thinking you weren’t being serious when you one hundred percent were.

“we’re going to miss breakfast,” you pointed out observantly.

jean stood up, dusting himself off with an air of free confidence, a smirk playing on his lips which you wanted so badly to slap off. perhaps when you finally get into a better mood, you will.

“come on then,” he suggested cheerfully, striding over to the closed door, “if you’re so eager.”

jean was probably the only person you had seen that day who was not shitting himself due to the exams. well, perhaps sasha too, but did she really count when before she had been gifted with some bread and cheese, she looked so close to tears?

it didn’t matter in the end, not when the dry bread in your mouth nearly choked you mercilessly at the sound of his voice.

his voice.

it was enough to wake you from your non-existent slumber, enough to shake you from your lazy mood, enough to splash ice cold water on your face like a harsh reality check. you slapped a hand over your mouth, tears blurring your vision as you coughed, your other hand gripping onto the wood of the table so hard, you felt your nails digging into the table.

jean gave you a single glance before ultimately deciding to help out, slapping your back (albeit, harder than he should have and the fucker knew it) before looking around, trying to decipher what had got you in such a state.

“woah, even y/n’s nervous,” you heard connie chuckle from beside marco who, bless him, was silently urging you to drink some water.

you glared at the cocky, bald headed cadet who was holding his head in the palm of his hand.

“i am not nervous!” you snapped, a hand around your neck to ease yourself.

it wasn’t a complete lie, because no, you weren’t nervous about the exams. you were nervous about how you performed in front of captain levi, the man who was having a conversation with keith outside of the mess ha— hang on a minute.. he was having a conversation with keith!

sight now coated in red, steam might as well have been protruding from your ears, for if glares could kill, keith would have been dead ten times over.

connie coughed loudly. “chill out man, i was just kidding.”

you averted your gaze to him.

everyone at the table was watching you intently: you hadn’t realised that it looked as though you were directing your anger towards the clown that you knew to be connie even though you knew all too well it was your arch-nemesis, but they had no clue. maybe that was a good thing, your cover would have been blown if not for their completely wrong ideas. your blood was no longer boiling as much as it had been previously.

exhaling through your nose, you shook your head.

“it’s not that,” you informed them, ripping off another piece of bread and popping into your mouth with a sigh. “i have someone to impress.”

at that, everyone’s heads leaned in, some looking amused, others looking baffled. some even had the audacity to look skeptical (stupid idiots, you’ll show them!). jean and marco, however, shook their heads and sighed, looking unimpressed.

“here we go again,” you heard jean mutter. you repressed the urge to shove his face into marco’s porridge.

connie cackled loudly, pointing at you as if he had heard a joke worthy of making even captain levi’s mouth twitch. “you got your eye on someone?” he chortled, wriggling his brows. he looked more like a clown than ever.

“no,” you rolled your eyes. how dumb could he be? “he’s got his eye on me.”

they all looked at jean and marco for confirmation.

“don’t look at me,” stated marco, raising his hands up in a way that practically screamed ‘i’m not involved’. a form of betrayal you won’t forget.

“come on now,” began thomas wagner, who had been sitting quietly up until now. after hearing his next sentence, you thought that perhaps he should have stayed quiet. forever. “you guys aren’t actually buying this?”

you narrowed your eyes at him, your grip on your bread tightening. your day was already not having a good start, this was merely worsening it. “why wouldn’t they?”

maybe jean was sensing trouble, because he seemed to be acting as a piece maker for the first time in his life. someone give him a reward. “thomas,” he pressed on warningly.

thomas wagner, however, continued to joke. jean knew he meant no harm, just a friendly conversation, but where these conversations used to poke some fun at armin, or eren, or even him, jean, they had rarely ever been focused on annoying you, y/n. especially not when you were already in a sour mood. if commandant keith did not scare you on your good days, what the hell were you capable of on your bad ones?

wagner was playing a dangerous game without knowing it, it was only fair jean warned him.

but the blonde idiot was not getting it, and jean could tell your patience was waring thin.

“every guy is scared of you,” answered thomas, rewarding himself with laughter from the listeners.

true, you thought carelessly. but captain levi is not ‘every guy’.

jean’s shoulders drooped in relief. he didn’t say anything too bad.

“and,” wagner continued; jean was tense again (why doesn’t this idiot just shut the fuck up?), “this guy probably doesn’t even exist.”

BAM!

you kicked the bench wagner had been sitting on, hard enough to push it back despite the fact that it was being shared by the weights of many people, and the next thing anyone knew, he was on the floor, clutching at his buttocks in confusion and pain.

oh, and that wasn’t all.

keith was now looming over the table, sporting a deep scowl (when had he gotten here? you had no clue).

“it was y/n, sir!” some redheaded guy accused loudly.

you didn’t even bother denying it, but that did not stop you from sending him the dirtiest look you could muster: who even was this guy?

“do i know you?” you voiced, watching as his ears turned a deep shade of crimson.

“y/n,” sighed jean, nudging you with his foot as marco put his head down to avoid eye contact with the exasperated commandant.

“i already knew who it was before i even looked at what had happened,” keith scoffed, ignoring the way reiner braun was stifling his laughter, ignoring the way bertholdt hoover was silently choking on his bread, ignoring the way mina carolina was using her pigtails to silence her giggling. keith then shoved wagner from the behind with his foot. “get up, scum. your training starts now.”

and then he left.

wait.. he left? you questioned, raising your head to glance at the door to find that, yes, indeed, he had left.

but it was not only you who had been pondering his odd actions. the entire table was now gazing at you with wonder, envy, and amusement as you pushed away your now empty plate.

“and if it were any of us..” began jean, bitterly.

“what’s your trick?” asked connie, looking very interested as thomas wagner begrudgingly climbed back onto his seat. “whatever it is, i need it.”

“no, i do!” argued sasha, which (to be fair) she really did. ever since the first day, keith had it out for both of you — mainly you, seeing as sasha had only done one wrong whereas you had committed plenty of offences.

“i think he’s just fed up of you, y/n,” armin helpfully answered the question you failed to. “every single one of us set the standard. fortunately, y/n set it really low, so he expects everything she does now.”

“oi,” you snapped, realising how troublesome that sounded. maybe that was why your mother did not seem too upset with you leaving the house for the training corps.

“you’re annoyed ‘cause it’s true,” said jean sternly.

his stupid ass was so engrossed in lecturing you, he missed the way sasha had stolen his final loaf of bread from right under his nose. well, because of his annoying self, you decided you wouldn’t tell him that the bread sasha was now munching on was definitely not her’s.

“maybe use this new information to.. i don’t know.. fix up?” suggested marco kindly. he looked away when you met his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck timidly. “or i think that’s what jean meant —”

“i didn’t.”

“jean, i’m trying to make her less angry at you —”

“you do realise that i can hear you perfectly well, right?” you interrupted, frowning at their stupidity.

and the last few minutes of breakfast went by with you and jean arguing, marco attempting to make peace, thomas wagner being awfully quiet now (though watching your trio with amusement like everybody else), and none of you noticing the watchful, grey eyes that the stoic figure by the double doors had on you all.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

“line up, maggots!”

you stood behind a tall, brunette boy. after some close examination, you realised that it was eren, and then you felt depressed all over again. not only was he being so damn determined, his height was preventing you from seeing anything at the front, including the delicious, short man standing beside keith with his arms folded tightly over his chest. so, frustrated, you took a teeny, tiny step forwards, standing on your tip toes so that eren could hear you when you whispered.

“move a bit to the left, will you?”

eren’s posture, already extremely tight, tightened even further, shoulders raising ever so slightly which told you that he most definitely had heard you. you waited.. and waited.. and waited.. why the hell was he not moving?

you nudged the back of his foot with yours, reminding him of your presence.

“can you move a bit?” you asked again, nicely so that the angry voice that urged him to have anger issues would not go against you when you needed him to comply the most. “please?”

you heard him exhale through his nose. still, no movement. you were beginning to grow agitated as keith’s speech was slowly growing nearer to an end.

“hey, i’m talking to you,” you whispered again, slightly louder to demonstrate your growing agitation.

“no,” you heard him respond, and although it was through a whisper, you could hear how firm he sounded.

you scowled at the back of his head, fingers tingling, prompting you to pull at his hair. goody-two-shoes.

you didn’t give up though, and began poking his back with every chance you got. there were other higher-ups walking up and down the paths, eyes wandering over every single cadet to make sure they were not talking and were completely focused on keith’s speech before they would enter the examination room. this meant that any time the coast was clear, you’d go back to poking him, nudging him, begging him, and all the while he remained stagnant. like the idiot he is, you thought sourly.

“(…) and if any one of you is caught talking, you will be disqualified and get a fat zero for that specific exam!” keith was saying, but it was only going through one ear and out the other for you, your main focus being on trying to see the captain. “your first exam will be the written test! empty your pockets now! any pieces of paper we find on you once you go in will count as a cheat sheet, you have been warned, cadets!”

annoyed, you kicked at the back of his knees, and to your surprise, he quite literally nearly fell, bending over before catching his balance and standing up straight once more. it would have been quite funny for you if you weren’t so furious right now. the movement did not go unnoticed by keith, however, who moved over to the right and glared at eren.

“JAEGER!” he bellowed, the whites of his eyes so visible his pupils looked like slits. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

before eren could even apologise, keith had his attention elsewhere, looking around for something.

you tilted your head to the side, still attempting to find captain levi, only to see that you had fallen right into keith’s line of sight. fuck’s sake, you thought to yourself, not because his features were slowly starting to harden even further as he looked around, but because moving out of position was now useless when the commandant was covering the man you so desperately wanted to see. you moved your head back in place so that you were concealed by eren’s tall figure once more, disappointed. no use in having eren move for you now, you concluded.

“line up straight, maggots!” the commandant ordered, everyone’s posture straightening by instinct. “AND WHERE IS L/N?”

people around you were now turning their heads, no doubt looking for you. you eyes widened, trying to think of what you might have done that had gotten you into trouble again. bending your knees slightly so he couldn’t find you (you glared at the people around you so they knew not to snake you), you racked your brains of the morning, trying to figure out where you had gone wrong. apart from the wagner incident which keith knew of, what else had you done wrong today?

before you could think of anything, the back of eren’s head that you were looking at was now replaced with the front, and you were surprised to see that the bastard had a ghost of a smirk on his lips.

“don’t move,” you whispered pleadingly.

he didn’t say anything and only turned around, as slow as a snail, before raising his arm up.

“what, jaeger?” snapped keith, distracted.

again, eren said nothing.

but instead, he did the opposite of what you asked of him.

the fucker moved. to. the. left.

and keith saw you.

“you actual snitch!” you snapped, the desire to pull at his hair till he turned bald eating you up inside. “you snake! teacher’s bloody pet —”

“i want l/n at the front, now!” demanded keith, voice ringing in your ears despite being such a distance away from him.

you wanted to stomp your feet to demonstrate your irritation, you wanted to throw a tantrum loud enough for him to reconsider, but most of all, you wanted to slap eren jaeger till your handprint was left on his cheek: now you understood why jean hated him so much.

“any day now!” the commandant shouted when you hadn’t moved.

grumbling (and muttering profanities and curses you knew eren would most definitely be able to hear), you slowly made your way to the front, dragging your feet against the concrete reluctantly. because the lines were ordered without a flaw in place, you had to switch places with annie leonhart, a blonde haired, stoic girl who had a heart made of stone so that you had a position at the front. she made no comment about this decision, and silently obeyed by marching to your previous spot without complaint.

keith opened his mouth to continue his speech, but you were left with questions unanswered.

“why am i at the front?”

he did not bother giving you a single glance as he responded. “something always goes wrong when i don’t have my eye on you. i believe what happened to jaeger was all your doing.”

“no it wasn’t —”

“RIGHT, you worthless shits!” continued keith, rudely ignoring your argument.

you scowled, hands behind your back which you straightened at last. keith continued talking to your peers, walking up and down the rows of cadets addressing what would happen next. however, you were not listening. where at the back you were most distracted with finding captain levi, now at the front you were most distracted by captain levi himself. being at the front had its benefits, it seemed, for now you had a clear view of the man. you were close enough to see the exact, precise colour of grey his eyes were, close enough to see every thin strand of his hair that would fall against his head (slightly out of place), close enough to see the crease between his brows when he looked around. if you wanted to, you could examine every single detail about his flawless face and draw it on paper better than jean — who had much more experience with sketching — ever could.

he wasn’t looking at you, though, but that was okay. you would probably faint if he made eye contact anyway.

he looked majestic. grumpy, yes, but majestic all the same. the way in which he stood —

click! click!

you couldn’t see him anymore, vision taken over by a tanned hand that you knew belonged to —

“PAY ATTENTION, L/N!”

blinking several times, you looked up, met with the hard eyes that were keith’s; he did not look impressed. when did he ever? you thought to yourself, unamused. neck warm, and unbeknownst to the second pair of eyes that were focused on just you, you took a step back, grimacing at the hand in your face.

“i’m listening, i’m listening,” you mumbled, trying to stay in place.

“you’re unfocused!” keith scolded loudly. “take that trait with you to the scout regiment and you’ll be the first to die!”

you knew what he was trying to do. make you look bad in front of the captain of the scout regiment himself so that he would fall for him and not you. you bit your tongue, holding it so that you did not get yourself stuck in a sticky situation like last time.

“focus, cadet!”

“i am —”

“backs straight, all of you!”

you sighed, aware that it was going to be a long, long day.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

all the cadets were taken into the examination room, line by line. the only issue with this was that keith had (without hesitation) ordered the higher-ups to escort you specifically and to walk by you side-by-side as if you were a child who needed more discipline than the others. for starters, no, you were not a child, and it was unfair that he would single you out just because of your unspoken chemistry and connection with captain levi. it wasn’t your fault that his love was unrequited (or maybe it was, because you were a barrier indeed).

anyway, the main problem wasn’t that you had to be singled out and escorted. the issue was that when keith loudly instructed that one of the higher-ups volunteer themselves to willingly do so, none of them agreed. in fact, when you looked around to see why it was so silent, you were sure that many of them even pretended not to hear him.

it had to be reiterated.

they pretended as though they could not hear commandant keith shadis, who needed no megaphone to allow himself to be heard.

offended, but content that you could walk independently like an adult, you grinned, a sight keith was not happy with.

“what’re you smiling about?” he jabbed, hands clasped behind his back as he towered over you in a way that you thought was supposed to be intimidating. it wasn’t.

“i can walk in myself, then?” you questioned, knowingly giving him the answer to the question with pride.

to your surprise, however, keith did not give you the answer you were expecting.

“no.”

you blinked. “no?”

“are you DEAF, CADET?” he yelled, and your head throbbed with the increasing volume of his voice. “DO YOU NEED ME TO REPEAT MYSELF? IF YOU CAN’T EVEN HEAR ME SPEAK, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO HEAR THE FOOTSTEPS OF ONCOMING TITANS? YOU’LL BE THE —”

“‘first to die’, yeah, yeah, i get it,” you interrupted, rolling your eyes. you could hear sniggering as the lines began to move. what the hell did these people find so funny? “can i go in now?”

“not without an accomplice,” he answered, turning on the spot to glance at captain levi.

the captain stood there, scowling at the commandant. he said nothing, did absolutely nothing, yet somehow you knew that it was going to be him. what you did not know, however, was when that had been decided. had they been having a secret, silent form of communication, a sort of code that you were unaware of? but you were watching keith the entire time, what could you have missed?

it clicked.

every time they looked at each other, it was like there was some type of conversation going on through their eyes.

and then you were jealous.

but you hid it well of course, not letting the anger in you show so that keith wouldn’t be satisfied with how his plan of tearing you and your lover apart was slowly working.

you glanced at captain levi as if waiting for a confirmation. he turned around, began walking, then stopped, craning his neck over his shoulder to glare at you.

“are you sitting this exam or not?”

you swallowed on nothing, nodded, and then marched forwards, falling in line with the captain. the walk was silent, but also wrong. not in the sense that you and him walking together was a bad thing, but because he was walking around the building instead of going through the same entrance everyone else was walking in. curious, you addressed this.

“why are we going this way?”

he didn’t answer.

“everyone else is going to the classrooms.”

he didn’t respond.

“are you taking me to the mess hall?”

he didn’t say anything.

“why do you walk like that?”

“fucking hell, the bald shit was right about you,” the captain grumbled, side eyeing you as he walked.

you narrowed your eyes, figuring that it probably wasn’t anything good.

“what did he say?”

“none of your business.”

“it is my business if it’s about me,” you replied, almost skipping as you walked. who knew having a conversation with the stoic captain levi would be so chill?

he took note of the slight skip in your walk.

“walk properly,” he demanded, looking away when you glanced up at him curiously.

“what, like you?”

if he heard you, he didn’t make any indication that he did. shrugging, you formed an expression like his, shoving your hands in your pockets and then exaggeratedly straightening your back, attempting to walk just like he did, except for the fact that there was more femininity in the way you did, which you tried fixing, but could not.

you walked like this for about a straight minute before he noticed what you were doing. when he did, you smiled, gesturing to your legs that weren’t exactly complying.

he gave you the dirtiest look you had ever seen him give anyone. “what the hell are you doing?”

“am i doing it right?” you asked brightly, ignoring his question which you knew he already had the answer to. “i think i got my top half right, it’s just my legs. you walk like you’ve got somewhere to be —”

“that’s the purpose of your legs, idiot.”

“see, you calling me an idiot isn’t the serve you think it is if i like it,” you notified him wisely.

he glanced at you in a way where you could not decipher what he was thinking. would it kill him to smile just a little? you pondered.

“Coccydynia,” said captain levi, looking as though he was pretending not to await your response.

“it’s not an insult if i don’t know what it means,” you revealed, laughing before realising that captain levi does not laugh when he walks. you coughed, covering it up, but you could tell he knew what you were doing.

“that explains everything,” he stated quietly, but you heard it all the same.

“has keith been telling lies behind my back?” you said, a brow raised in concern, nearly tripping over your own feet. “i don’t know how you walk like this every day —”

“i don’t, you brat,” snapped captain levi, scoffing at your act that he thought looked nothing like him, “and stop calling him by his first name. that’s an order.”

“fine,” you agreed.

he raised a brow at you.

“fine?” he repeated, as though he heard something not worth believing like it was a trap set to kill.

“fine,” you nodded calmly.

he furrowed his brows, looking ahead once more as the two of you walked through the opened double doors.

"that was easy," commented captain levi, regarding you with little emotion as you followed him like a shadow. you were now taking notice of the fact that you were walking towards the classrooms, but the long way. "so what does shadis find so difficult about giving orders to you?"

"he doesn't find it difficult," you announced, undisturbed, "and if he does, he gives them to me anyway. second nature to him now, i think."

captain levi scoffed, almost in a way that sounded like it was a form of realisation. "so you're one of the trouble cadets? should've known."

"wha— no!" you denied, brows furrowed and no longer attempting to walk like him. "i follow orders really well actually. kei— i mean — commandant shadis just doesn't give me enough credit for it."

"you have anyone that can vouch for you?"

he trapped you in a corner now, because when your first thought was jean and marco, the voice at the back of your mind told you that they would most definitely not vouch for you. that short moment of silence was enough for the captain to know the answer, so scoffing, he walked on, making no attempt to bring up a conversation any longer.

"i followed your order," you pointed out smartly. 

he stopped walking, and so did you; stood a few metres behind him, you could tell you had him backed into a corner like he had you at one point. for what reason, though, you had no clue. 

captain levi glanced at you from over his shoulder, face stone cold and voice just as bored. "you'd be foolish not to," he told you, stultifying.

"is that a challenge?" you said, brow raised and a ghost of a smirk on your face. 

the captain was now staring at you in definite shock. of course, his brows weren't as high up as yours would have been, his eyes weren't as widened as yours would have been, his top and bottom lip weren't as widely parted as yours would have been: the small change in his demeanour like the way in which his pupils dilated ever so slightly or the way in which his sharp jaw was left just the slightest bit agape was enough to tell you that you left him speechless. 

the question was why. why was it such a shock to him that you were challenging him? had he never had someone speak to him as if it were a regular conversation? or had you, perhaps, said something completely out of line?

"i'm not part of the scouts yet," you mentioned, walking forwards so that you were directly in front of him now, "so i don't have to answer to you, right?"

he blinked..

and then frowned, the lids of his eyes back to covering half of his pupils. 

"you're asking for a kick to your backside," he finally voiced, "i don't know how shadis keeps up with you."

"i'll take that as a compliment."

"wasn't supposed to be one, now start walking or i'll drag you myself."

you scowled. "keith's rubbing off on you —"

"cadet," he hissed, teeth gritted.

"commandant shadis, i meant," you sighed, disappointed. 

and as the two of you continued to roam the halls in a comfortable silence, you then began to realise that you were taking long detours before reaching the classrooms. wondering why that was, you looked up at the man beside you, trying to figure out his intentions. as if a light bulb was placed directly above your head, your breathing quickened. 

he was trying to get you alone.

but.. why would he do that? you weren't even married.. yet. you weren't prepared, you hadn't even told jean and marco that this wasn't part of your plan, how would they react when they find out eventually? or the better question: could you even bring yourself to tell them? 

palms sweaty and head in a whole other world, you weren't aware of the short glances that the captain would give you every once in a while, a form of checking up on why the lousy cadet beside him (that was you, by the way) would keep looking around warily as if you'd been caught in an illegal act. you were nervous, perhaps, for the exam, which brought him to the conclusion that not only were you such a menace, but you held no regard for the exams, too. he rolled his eyes because, as he said, you were a trouble cadet. 

or maybe even a troubled cadet. why were you nervous to the point where you were now walking closer to the walls of the corridors than to him? 

at last, when you began slowing your walking pace (which thoroughly irked him), he voiced his questions aloud.

"what the hell is wrong with you?"

and he said it harshly.

did not help calm your nerves, by the way. 

"nothing," you lied shakily. "what's wrong with you?"

he scowled at you, turning away briefly and deciding in his head that no, he would never ask you that question ever again, if the situation ever called for it.

but now he had no choice but to take notice of your odd behaviour, because you were practically glued to the wall at this point, slowly lingering as if there was something so interesting about the dust gathered for years that no one had bothered to clean. tramps, he thought in his head, sourly. 

watching you, he waited. 

and he was as impatient as ever.

"get over here," he demanded, vexed. 

you didn't.

"that's an order."

you did.. but ever so slowly. a snail could beat you in a race without even trying. exasperated, he strode forwards, gripped onto your upper arm tight enough to leave marks, and then pulled you forward so that you were forced to walk beside him. 

he must really want me then, you mused, conflicted between feeling panicked or excited. 

"escaping your exams won't get you anywhere but back in the stables," he told you firmly. your brows were knitting together, confused as to why he was talking about exams when he was clearly trying to get you alone in a room with him. he scoffed at the look on your face, walking faster when you tried pressing your feet to the ground. for a man as short as him, he sure was strong as hell. "yeah, i remember. seems like you've forgotten though, don't make me remind you."

what the fudge does that mean?

but before you could ponder on that for any longer, he stopped at the wooden door of a classroom. the very classroom - you noticed - where you took your daily classes, the very classroom you were told you would be in for your written exams. and here you were, not alone with captain levi the second he twisted the knob and opened the door to find befuddled cadets trying to find their assigned seats. 

"get in," he said, wasting no time in turning away to leave. 

you couldn't. not when your heart was practically threatening to leap out of your chest, not when your brain had been completely fried, not when your limbs were rooted to the spot, frozen. and you could see, from your peripheral vision, that he was still looming around the corner, waiting. 

"oi," he called out, voice bouncing along the walls so that you were shaken out of your stupor. you shifted on the spot, staring at him expectantly. "stop wasting time and go inside."

the look on his face - he remained expressionless, a small pout pulling at his lips like something between a frown and a scowl - made it look as though he wanted to say something, but was holding back. in the end, his expression merely hardened, a silent order with his eyes.

"if you don't walk yourself in that room right now, i won't hesitate to use force —"

"all right, all right, keep your hair on," you quickly replied, after thankfully recovering from your petrified state. you felt your heartbeat return to its usual pace, beat after beat, you stood waiting for him to leave. when he didn't (as if he expected you to run away the second he turned the corner) you grinned, lifting an arm to send him an exaggerated wave. "wish me luck!"

the aloof captain simply rolled his eyes; you took that well regardless. 

when you found your seat at last (after taking your sweet time walking in the room as you were processing the previous events) you sat, pulled yourself in with your chair, and clasped your hands together on the table in front of you, deep in thought. yes, you were one hundred percent wrong with the captain's intentions, and now really thinking about it, why would someone like him try to get you alone after knowing you for only a solid five minutes? it just didn't make sense, and if you had just realised that earlier, perhaps the disappointment blooming in your chest wouldn't have existed at all: even though you were scared and unprepared shitless, you would practically kill now for some time alone with captain levi. 

and after the disappointment, the anger settled in comfortably. how dare he not want me? i am amazing, i am awesome, i am —

"hey, y/n, i've gotta ask you something."

leisurely, you turned your head to face the cool toned voice that interrupted your very important thoughts. mildly annoyed, you raised your eyebrows at the freckled brunette who sat on her chair carelessly. 

"you're number ten as of now, right?" asked ymir, brown eyes staring at you in confidence. 

you nodded, inquisitive to see where this was going. 

"well i got a favour i need from you," she told you calmly. swinging on her chair as the other cadets walked up and down the isles to find their seats, she continued without a waste of a single second. "i heard you're joining the scouts. is that true?"

again, you nodded.

"how do i know you won't change your mind at the last second?" 

you tilted your head, confused. "what're you talking about?"

ymir whistled lowly. "i remember a time where you were pretty serious about joining the garrisons."

you shook your head, waving a hand dismissively. "that was ancient. a long time ago —"

"it was three weeks ago —"

"i was a different person then!" you shot back, outraged. she seemed unfazed, almost pleased with your response, which brought you to a single question. "why do you care anyway? it's my choice."

"i want you to do something for me," said ymir, and when you searched her face for a single suspicious look to see where the lie was, you found none. ymir halted her swinging for a moment, the legs of her chair slamming against the wooden floor as she slapped a hand on your shoulder to pull you closer to her. instinctively, you leaned in. "see krista over there?" 

you followed her other arm, traced it to where she was pointing and was met with the sight of krista lenz, a blonde haired girl with doe blue eyes to match, muttering and speaking to herself. judging from the way her brows furrowed so tightly that it created lines on her forehead, you could tell immediately that she was preparing for the oncoming exam. 

you liked krista, she was a nice girl who had shown you kindness since your first day here at the training corps. with that in mind, you also knew how ymir and herself were glued to the hip, so whatever ymir was going to ask of you, it was safe to assume that it had something to do with little krista. 

"what about her?" you went on to say, watching as krista rubbed her temples with her fingers. 

"she looks stressed, right? i know a way you can help a girl out," suggested ymir, releasing her grip on your shoulder to clasp both her hands behind her head. "let me cut to the chase. you have no intention on joining the military police, you made that pretty clear from the start. no clue what your deal is with them but i like it, 'cause that means you'll have no problem with taking position number eleven instead of ten, just so krista can join the mp's and live in the interior?"

you rested your chin on the palm of your hand, surprised. "so.. you're asking me to be a little lousy on the exams?"

ymir clicked her fingers, pointing at you as if to say 'bingo'. 

"exactly. how's that sound?"

you were now in deep thought, which you didn't completely mind. it took your brain away from any thoughts about captain levi, something that you knew was needed due to your unhealthy obsession. you honestly did not mind dropping a position, it wouldn't be too bad. besides, your only plan with these exams is to impress the captain, and you could still do that being number eleven, right?

ymir was not a patient girl and it showed. she clicked her tongue disapprovingly, forming a fist with her knuckles so she could press her cheek into it and rest her tilted head there.

"c'mon, if you don't plan on joining the military police, what's the point of being part of the top ten?" 

"but that's the point," you began to explain, conflicted, "i hate the military police. the only reason why i plan on being in the top ten is to prevent another potential member of the military police. if i now know that krista will be one of them, well my plan goes to shit."

"it's krista," clarified ymir, frowning, "do i need to spell her name out for you? what bad would krista do in the military police?"

that was a good argument.

"if you had to choose anyone to be part of that regiment, krista would be the best option and you know it."

you did not spend any more time in thought. smiling, you gave ymir two thumbs up.

"all right, fine," you agreed, content. "i'll go down one step, number eleven it is. doesn't sound too bad, right?"

"not at all," encouraged ymir, smirking all the while. "but if you change your mind —"

"i'll let you know beforehand,” you assured her truthfully. “'m sure i won't, though.”

ymir nodded abruptly, looking pleasantly pleased with your answer. the two of you then decided that you would stop the small talk to pay attention to the examination’s officer, who was giving a small pep talk at the front of the class. he merely summarised the things you were taught in class, which wasn’t at all that difficult to forget: where the weak spot of a titan was, who came to discover it, the theoretical aspect of the existence of the titans, etc.

however, despite knowing all of this, you couldn’t help but believe that the stuff you wrote in the exam weren’t as sharp as they would have been on your best days. perhaps it was because a certain someone had been plaguing your thoughts throughout every question you read and every answer you thought of.

you left the classroom feeling elated either way, deciding that this one exam would pull your grade down (like you had agreed with ymir) but the rest would be quite all right.

the next one was the use of odm gear and titan killing. of course, real titans weren’t used, it was just like training, where you’d fly around the woods and the cardboard titans would appear out of the blue; the goal was to slice the cushion part of their necks. for every kill in the set amount of time given, you earned a point, boosting your grade.

and how did that go for you?

better than the written exam, sure.

you were sure you’d have made it past position number five from the second you took off the ground, the hooks of your gear latching onto the thick trunks of the trees, pulling yourself up against the force of gravity as the wind smacked your face harshly. you had one of the female higher-ups following you close by, observing your every move, her face showing no crack of emotion for you to decipher whether she was impressed or not, but that was okay, you knew that you did particularly like well for this part..

except for when you caught sight of him.

the second you spotted a flash of dark green in your line of sight (one that you knew did not belong to the leaves hanging on the trees), you froze, flying in mid-air with a hollow head, the remaining gas left in your canisters being wasted on the movement of simply moving with no sense of direction.

and then your nose met a wall. hard enough to know it was solid, and flimsy enough to recognise it as cardboard, you were well aware that one of the last pop up titans that was meant for you to kill had stopped you right in your tracks.

and then you fell.

— caught yourself just in time with your hooks so that you were bent over a tree branch, arms and legs hanging limply in exhaustion —

but you still fell nonetheless.

that would most definitely effect your grade.

you groaned, opening your eyes to stare deeply into the brown ones belonging to the woman who had been previously observing you: she was sitting on the branch in front of you, higher up than you, and shaking her head.

“how much do i have to pay you for you to forget this ever happened?”

she ignored you and instead announced that your time was up. you came to the conclusion that that exam didn’t go as well as you wanted it to go, but it was definitely something, enough to make up for the grade you messed up for the first one.

keith later announced that all cadets would be allowed an hour break before continuing on for the last set of exams. relieved, you sat by yourself by the tree near the field where the hand-to-hand combat training usually took place. you weren’t alone for long, for jean and marco had come as a pair to sit beside you, pulling you into a conversation on how the first two examinations went.

“i smashed it,” jean announced proudly, leaning on one of his elbows with an air of unhinged confidence. “probably did better with the odm than the writing though. like did you see that question — what was it? — oh yeah, the one about ‘approximately how many titans can one single soldier kill’? how the hell should i know? isn’t that supposed to be up to the skill of a soldier?”

“i think that was meant to be the answer,” marco sheepishly replied, jean responding by smacking his forehead and then grunting at the impact. “and i’m pretty sure we’re supposed to write the statistic.. like the highest kill count done by somebody —”

“which would be captain levi, right?” you asked, because you remembered writing about him somewhere on your paper.

jean rolled his eyes at you. “for the love of god, i hope you did not write that —”

“it would be, actually,” answered marco, raising his brows at you in surprise. “you wrote that, didn’t you?”

“of course i did,” you revealed, laughing at the scowl on jean’s face, “who do you think i am? there’s no way i’d forget such an important thing about him.”

“i saw you walking with him earlier too,” mused marco, smiling. “how did that happen?”

“keith,” you stated, venom laced on your tongue as you spoke the single syllable that was his name.

“shadis,” corrected jean, bitter.

you rolled your eyes. “that paranoid are you?”

“can’t blame me when it comes to you.”

“anyway,” started marco, interrupting as the peacemaker he is, “how did you do, y/n?”

sighing, you leaned back against the tree trunk, the rough wood scratching against your harnesses.

“aside from a silly little mistake —”

“i bet it wasn’t ‘little’ —”

“— i think i did really good actually,” you continued as if jean hadn’t commented his unwanted thoughts. “i’ve decided that i’m gonna step back a bit.”

jean and marco, ever the only ones to be so curious with what you get up to, sent you curious looks as if to say how?. you saved them the time of panicking for no good reason by clarifying exactly what you meant.

“i’m taking position number eleven now.”

and they certainly weren’t pleased with your answer.

“what? why?” demanded jean, a single vein protruding from his pale (now very pink) forehead. he sat up properly, towering over you in a fit of white hot rage and fury. “you’re taking yourself out of the top ten? why?”

marco did not look too impressed either. he was frowning - pouting almost - eyes downcast in what looked like to you as disappointment. he didn’t say anything, choosing to let jean express his contained anger instead.

“how are you going to get into the military police if you’re not in the top ten?” argued jean, his thin brows knitting together tight enough to form lines between them.

“you forget,” you started, irked, “that i never planned on joining the military police. you know that —"

“you won’t be in contact with us!” snapped jean, actually gripping onto your arm tight enough to leave half moon crescent marks where he touched you. “you’re insane —”

“it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. i’m banned from joining the military police regardless, remember?”

jean had definitely forgotten this crucial fact, because he leaned back again, the grip on your arm loosening as he ran a hand through his light hair with his free hand. “shit.. yeah, you are,” he murmured, realisation seeping in. “fuck’s sake, y/n, the hell did you have to go bothering nile dok for?”

“hey, it was for erwin!”

“commander erwin,” mumbled marco, who had been eerily silent up until now.

surprised, you turned your head to shift your gaze from an irate jean to a calm marco, who was silently picking at the grass squashed beneath your weight.

“you’re gonna need to say his name with his title in front.. for when you join the scouts.”

blinking, you were convinced this was a dream. it had to be. marco, who had secretly (though not slyly) been wanting you to join any regiment but the survey corps, was now encouraging you to pick them? marco, who had always lowkey sided with jean, was now siding with you and your choice?

this definitely wasn’t real.

“pinch me,” you breathed, startled.

“no, pinch me,” said jean, in awe. he stared at marco. “you’re supporting her?”

“not really,” said marco, giving you an apologetic shrug when you frowned, “but i do believe that it’s her choice. i’m sure she’d want us to join the scouts with her, but she’s not trying to convince us about it because she knows it’s up to us, our decision if we want to join her there or not.. or that’s what i — that’s what i think —"

“you’re right,” you admitted, beaming at him. “i’d drag you guys there with me but i know you don’t want to.”

“hm,” voiced jean, seemingly at rest. “what changed your bipolar mind anyway? i thought you wanted to impress captain levi?”

“i can still impress him by being at number eleven. besides, ymir wanted krista to take number ten —”

“you’re doing this for them?” asked jean, outraged. “what about you? the fuck do you owe them?”

“it’s not a debt i’m trying to pay!” you exclaimed. “i’m doing this ‘cause i want to.. and like i said, we wouldn’t be in the same regiment even if i did stay at number ten. nile dok hates me.”

jean scoffed. “and whose fault is that?”

“his. i’m extremely loveable —”

“not wrong there,” chuckled marco, and you sent him a toothy smile, showing off your pearly whites.

“that’s why captain levi’s already asked you out, right?” jean jabbed at you.

“i’ll have you know that he nearly did today!”

“straying too far from the truth, i think,” marco intervened, causing you to slap his arm playfully.

“whose side are you on, marco? you keep switching.”

“whichever one benefits me most.”

“devil in disguise, you are —”

“you’ll be working for the devil in disguise, sooner or later,” said jean, flicking your forehead.

you yelped, jumping away from him as you rubbed your head, glaring at the culprit in front of you. “you’d better not be talking about erwin —"

“i hope not too,” replied jean, annoyed, “i hope i’m talking about dot pyxis, or nile dok —”

“hey, you never know, she might even decide to find a way to stay in the training corps and work for commandant shadis instead,” said marco, sheepishly moving away from you when you sent him an unmoving glare.

“anyone but the one man that could get her killed,” agreed jean, nodding, “even if it’s the commandant —”

“i’ll slay those titans better than even the commander,” you vowed dramatically. “that’ll prove to you guys that i’m not gonna go rogue out there.”

“and now you sound like jaeger —”

“jean!”

“whatever. just don’t die when you join the scouts,” jean finally uttered, and instead of the usual joking manner the three of you spoke in, there was a sense of grave urgency in his voice, the vein that had previously been visible on his forehead pulsing beneath his skin. you could tell he was still not on board with your decision, but there was a difference to his attitude from then to now. it was all sinking in, genuine worry painted over his features which made this entire thing seem more real. it was only a couple more weeks before you parted ways, the potential thought that you could die outside of the walls without a body to be returned did not ease both jean and marco’s nerves, however they were accepting: one more than the other but even still, accepting.

and that made you content.

you found yourself grinning at jean, leaning forward to tease him. “aw, do you care about me suddenly jean-boy?”

“shut up, i take it back.”

“you don’t,” you chortled, pulling at his ear as he swatted your hand away.

“why are you always like this with me?” he grumbled, rubbing his pink ear grumpily. “what about marco?”

“marco can admit he cares,” you answered, placing your hand on top of marco’s when he shakily smiled at you, “but you’re the idiot who hates affection for some stupid reason —”

“he wouldn’t hate it if it was from mikasa,” marco joked, and you bent over in laughter, surprised at how easily the joke slipped past the precious, peacemaker marco’s lips with such ease.

“w-what? that’s not — fuck you guys, i hate you,” sputtered jean, left in a pool of his own embarrassment as the two of you continued to make fun of him.

not long after, the hour break was done as soon as it came, and before you knew it, the lines were formed once more to proceed with the next set of exams. of course, you were at the front again, not that you didn’t try to take back your original spot, however, eren was not having it, and he purposely stepped to the side to reveal your sneaky figure hiding behind him. you threatened him lowly as you made your way to the front, but you felt victorious when you saw the look of unease and fear on his face when he heard you curse at him; at least he knew he was fucked. we love a self aware king.

the next exam you had was hand-to-hand combat. you were placed in pairs (random pairs) to fight it out and hold it for an entire minute. you had been paired with hannah diamant, a brunette haired girl who you knew to be a hopeless romantic, a girl you had interacted with many times but never actually trained with her one-to-one. thankfully, you were aware that hand-to-hand was not her best, but it certainly was yours, so you held your ground incredibly well throughout it all.

until..

him.

you saw him. you saw him eyeing the cadets, you saw him observing their every move, you saw him criticising them with his calculating eyes.

and when you tried getting yourself to focus, under the impression that he would be watching you too, you lost it. taking steady breaths, you put yourself into position, preparing yourself, only to trip over your own feet and go tumbling over poor hannah, who had done nothing but fall victim to your clumsiness.

the examination’s officer tutted at you, shaking his head as he scribbled aggressively on the board clutched tightly in his iron grip.

so like odm, you figured it went well till this very point: unfortunate, but not too bad, right?

that was okay, because you were sure to make up for all the mess ups in your assessments when you would go in for the final exam: the knowledge crunch.

here you would be in a room, alone with an examination’s officer and a single higher-up. the examination’s officer would have some pre-set standardised questions in front of them, and you simply had to answer correctly. show off your knowledge, really, and be creative too.

which you were one hundred percent sure you could do. there were many times where you left people speechless, and what was that due to? your creativity, the ability to freeze them and have them expect the unexpected.

you were certain you’d do well when you lined up by the door with your fellow cadets waiting for your turn, you were certain you’d do well when the line began moving, you were certain you’d do well when you caught sight of different higher-ups leaving and entering the room..

but you weren’t certain you’d do well when mina carolina skipped out of the room, squealing in excitement.

“how’d you do?” you asked, beaming at her when she sent you a radiant smile full of exhilaration.

“i think i did excellent!” she smiled, bending her knees to stop herself from jumping, “i thought it’d go horribly because i was so nervous of the man in the corner!”

“man in the corner?” you repeated, confused.

“he’s the captain of the scouts, captain levi’s in there,” mina clarified, watching as your face fell. she gripped onto your biceps, gently shaking you as some form of comfort. “oh don’t worry, y/n! when i saw him there, i thought i’d start stammering like crazy. remember when we’d have commandant shadis ask us the questions? it was nothing like that! he just sits in the corner and watches!”

you absentmindedly nodded, before realising what she had uttered at the last sentence.

he just sits in the corner and watches!

(..) just sits in the corner and watches!

(…) in the corner and watches!

(….) and watches!

“he watched you?” you asked, unintentionally cutting through her vibrant explanation of how she wasn’t a stammering mess like she usually was; she did not mind, happy to answer your question either way.

“yeah, and he looked really intimidating, i nearly lost track of thought,” said mina, chuckling. “word of advice, just don’t make eye contact with him. i did once and i lost track of what i was saying. he’s got this face that just makes it look like everything you’re doing is wrong, y’know?”

you’d have thought that you’d be happy to see the captain again, and no doubt, you most definitely were. the only issue was that you came to the conclusion that your exams went really well.. when he wasn’t around. somehow, when he did come at the last damned second, you managed to fuck up. it was like fog was building up in your brain, so much so that you could not think clearly. he was as desirable as cheese in a mousetrap.

before you knew it, your name had been called out by a voice deeper than even reiner braun's. gulping, despite the encouraging smile mina gave you, you walked into the room, nearly walking directly into the chest you knew belonged to captain levi.

"you again?" he said, looking down at you as if you were such a nuisance. 

you smiled through the rapid beating of your heart. "don't act like you want to get rid of me so soon."

"it's not an act."

"captain levi," the deep voice sounded again. you looked past the shoulder of the captain's, met with the eyes of a man who looked old enough to be your grandpa. "we're a little short on time. i thought you said you were leaving?"

you walked over to your chair, taking a seat and crossing one leg over the other, leaning forward to take a look at the piles of paper stacked in front of you. you took one, your eyes running down the page skimming and scanning. 

"eugh, whose handwriting is this?" you questioned aloud, making a look of disgust as you tried reading whatever the scribbles of writing were. "could use a lot of work —"

"i'll have you know, it is mine," the examination's officer remarked, impertinent. 

your face dropped, eyes widening and heart stopping altogether. you wanted nothing more than the ground to just swallow you whole. even death seemed to look more appealing than this form of embarrassment. he was definitely not planning on giving you a good grade. 

you let out a shaky laugh, offering the paper back to him timidly.

"yeah — erm — so you might want this back, right?"

he all but snatched it out of your hand. you shrunk in your chair. 

"actually," began captain levi, who had been present throughout this whole interaction, "i don't remember saying i was ready to leave."

the other man looked up, pushing the glasses on the bridge of his nose further up at this revelation. he shook his head, "but you just —"

"you said your time was running out," the captain reiterated.

"of course," the examination's officer said, flipping over the pages on his notebook, "of course."

it felt like hours had gone by when the questions had started. the captain, like mina had said, made himself comfortable at the corner of the room, arms folded over his chest as he watched you. you tried not to focus on him, and it was working.. almost:

"there has been a titan break in: wall rose has been taken over. what are you going to do?"

"run to erwin."

the examination's officer blinked. "erwin?" he raised, the end of his pen poking at his cheek. "erwin smith, you mean?"

you nodded. "that's him."

"why?"

"commander of the only regiment that deals with titans.. why wouldn't i?" you responded, leaning back with your elbows resting on the arms of the wooden chair. "and because he's my best friend, of course —"

"watch it," captain levi voiced. 

you looked up, having almost completely forgotten that he was even there. you raised your hands up in 'surrender', shrugging. "my bad, forgot you two were tight."

the examination's officer coughed, eyeing you eccentrically. "you and commander erwin.. you're acquaintances?"

"more than acquaintances," you answered. "he told me his entire life story —"

"don't be fooled," captain levi butted in, "she begged him for it."

"you don't know that," you retorted quickly. 

"did you?" the examination's officer asked. "beg him for it?"

"yes," you said lowly, "still makes us more than acquaintances!"

he coughed, bringing his notebook of questions closer to his face. "we're stirring away from the exam.. let's see.. ah — yes — so you would contact erwin smith.. and say what, exactly?"

"that he's not doing his job properly and that titans have broken through."

"not doing his —? okay, all right. let me rephrase. what is the first physical action you would take against a titan, should you come face-to-face with one?"

"slice the nape."

"and if a fellow comrade is in danger?"

"slice the nape."

he begins noting things down in his book. you wonder if what he's written is even legible. 

"who would you report back to after seeing titans invade wall rose?"

"erwin —"

captain levi clicked his tongue. "that's commander erwin to you."

"or him," you added, pointing at the moody captain residing to the examination's officer's back left corner. 

"i wouldn't believe you."

this guy, you thought to yourself, aware that the man in front of you was probably noting down every interaction you'd made with the captain as a bonus, too. 

"i'd make you believe me."

"what the hell did you just say —"

"is this exam finished yet?"

"not quite," the old man said.

and he was a liar, because he made it seem as though it would be done in a couple of minutes: it wasn't. you were there for nearly ten whole minutes before things were finished off. many, many times you had rendered the man in front of you speechless (your main goal, of course), and you were convinced that you had done well. impressed the captain? you must have, there was no way around it.

you left the room feeling giddy, convincing yourself that it hadn't been nearly as bad as you thought it would be. mina was right. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

a week later, you were alerted of the results of the new list.

a crowd of people had been spotted by the corridor opposite to keith's office, huddling and shoving and pushing each other. immediately, you knew what it was, especially when marco excitedly dragged you across the substantial amount of people regardless of their loud complaints about how it wasn't fair that you were going in front of them.

 ⌜ • ° + ° • ⌝

1st - Mikasa Ackerman

2nd - Bertholdt Hoover

3rd - Reiner Braun

4th - Annie Leonhart

5th - Marco Bott

6th - Eren Jaeger

7th - Jean Kirstein

8th - Krista Lenz

9th - Sasha Braus

10th - Connie Springer

⌞ ° • + • ° ⌟

so you hadn't made it to the top ten. expected. you weren't disappointed.

so you read number eleven, where you should be, but found:

11th - Ymir Fritz

what? you thought to yourself, baffled. okay, so maybe you were at number twelve. again, not too bad, but instead you found:

12th - Samuel Linke-Jackson

13th - Armin Arlert 

and now it made no sense to you. you appreciated all three of these people, ymir, samuel and armin, but you knew that your skill was much better than theirs, and as your finger moved further down the list, you found yourself.. lower than expected:

38th - Y/n L/n

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

you just had to drag marco into your bullshit, didn't you?

jean did not know why he chose to be friends with you, or how this friendship even came to be, but it's not as though he regrets it.. of course not.. you were just a handful. or more than a handful, really.

marco was an absolute stammering mess, scratching the back of his neck as he tried bringing up conversation to the commandant for your sake. it was a painful sight to watch, yet jean had found himself leaning against a particular tree, eyeing the back of the commandant's head, just picturing the look on his face that had marco cowering back in fear. 

should he go in and save him?

no, jean, don't even think about it, he scolded himself. the second he did so, he was reminded of just why he shouldn't get involved, unless he wanted to ask marco for an ear massage like last time for when shadis twisted and dragged him by his ear. no, he would watch from a safe distance, because he warned marco, had he not? he warned him not to agree with whatever plan you had going and marco made the stupid choice to ignore him. he did this to himself, now he must suffer.

he listened intently, silently cringing at every word he could hear. 

"i just wanted to.. i wanted to ask you a question about something, s-sir?"

silence.

the silence was too damn loud. 

it felt like hours before shadis responded.

"are you waiting for me to grow out some greys or what? ask the question already!"

"o-oh, right! sorry!" said marco hastily. "well, i was curious about.. about.."

fuck's sake, thought jean, mentally face-palming himself, he's just about as much of an idiot as y/n is. he willingly brought himself in shadis's presence unprepared? 

should he interru—

no, jean, no! he reminded himself cruelly. he knew what he signed up for, it's not your problem.

yet watching him fish for something to talk about was physically painful. 

"cat got your tongue, bott?" exclaimed commandant shadis, impatient. "speak now or forever hold your god damn peace!"

and marco actually stood there, like an idiot, frozen in place, with nothing to say.

commandant shadis shook his head at him, sighing. "what was i expecting?" he snorted, sounding mildly annoyed. "you spend too much time with l/n, i knew this would happen."

"y-you knew what would happen.. sir?"

"i knew that she would rub off on you and i would lose another extremely capable cadet."

and that couldn't be more further from the truth. 

ah fuck it, jean thought, you owe me one, y/n.

"that's not true," jean called out, feeling heroic. both marco and the commandant turned to see jean  with his head hung, eyes trained solely on the floor in shame. "that's not true because.. i asked him to speak to you."

silence.

calm before the storm.

and then he was yelling.

"YOU? AGAIN?"

"i wanted him to ask you something that i couldn't.." said jean, eyes scrunched shut. i hate my life, he thought, before uttering the last few words. "i need.. relationship advice."

-

jean left the field after several sit ups, squats, and laps with a dull ringing in his ears after listening to the loud lectures given to him by the commandant. 

you were definitely a handful. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・

so so sooo sorry for the late update. i've just been extremely busy with school and everything, so i'm juggling writing chapters like these on top of all the work. i probably won't be as active in the next 2 months, but i promise, after mid june, i'll be here a lot. 

i did not expect this fic to get as much love as it got, so i did king of neglect it a bit. and then came back to a swarm of new notifs so yeah, felt special ig lol. anyways, hope u enjoyed? 

all characters belong to hajime isayama, apart from y/n, who i've inserted in to the story myself.

previous chapter :) next chapter :)

taglist: (send an ask to be added)

@inkthgoat @loki1230 @leviackermanst @laccey @awesomeness1679 @wandavengerberg @marumxy

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

No because the more I - and many, many others think about it, why five chapters to wrap everything up? I keep thinking of reasons and only one makes sense to me, but.

BNHA is considered a world-wide best-seller, being WSJ's 6th most sold manga (last I checked, which was a few months ago). So many mangakas and artists taking notice and praising it, its big demograohic getting bigger because of its 10th anniversary in two weeks (!), more people are inclined to see it through the end. Hell, even taking out worldwide demographic, it's still very beloved in Japan- they had an entire tour event for the manga, for goodness' sake. It's a weird decision from a financial and commercial standpoint.

From a creator standpoint, Horikoshi likes taking his time writing his arcs down to the most ridiculously minimal details- the most likely possible positive outcomes is that Horikoshi is either planning a sequel or changing publishers but that's a whole leap in logic-

1. A sequel implies we aren't following the Hero Academia like stated by 424's release; and there's a whole bulletpoint of things that need to be addressed; a sequel wouldn't make sense because why tackle everything in a different part of the story?

I've seen people suggesting another MC, but. Remember BNHA as of now took place in the span of 2 years in-universe, but in real life, 10. Izuku's story isn't finished and we have another character (which now I'm certain it's Tenko) to meet, that would be more cluttered than the PLFW Arc.

Others mentioned a possible spin-off, or a time skip, but that's a another can of worms because that's a new world/POV with missing development from the characters we know, which would be interesting but. Again, a whole list of plot points to address; why not address here and now? Surely that's not what we imagined when 424 said "we need to go even further beyond" the end of the story, right? And one more thing: Volume 41 still does not have enough pages to fill in a tankobon unless the page count is huge and that's why we got a two/three-week break. Even then it doesn't fully solve the problem.

2. Publisher changing is another story, because it implies WSJ is falling on hard times, cutting corners, Horikoshi's contract wasn't renewed, or someone offered a better deal, but once again, big money-maker. Which we know it's BS. Not to mention the amount of legal jargon and time it'd take for that to happen behind the scenes for this to be possible- a month ago we got Hori saying he didn't know how long it'd take to reach the ending, and all of these complications would delay, if not officially put the series on a hiatus similar to OP, right?

And then there's the "five chapters is a long epilogue" or the argument, which I do agree, unfortunately. But this is why I'm so baffled; the amount of shit that needed to be addressed in the story- Todofam, Himichako, Spinner, Rooftop Trio, Hitoshi in Class 2-A (Class 2-A in general, really), Izuku and Katsuki's state, future and relationship, societal rebuild and re-evaluation of pro-heroes, what happens to Toshinori now, if OFA is really gone or not, Hero Commission, Mr. Compress's fate, Hawks being Quirkless now, the mystery man from 425, the list goes on and on. Nothing about hero society in BNHA was shown to change, then what's all that talk of long epilogue for if we can barely focus on five of these? So much to answer and not enough time for all.

IDK, there are more "positive"* theories of Horikoshi ending the "Academia" part of Boku no Hero and focusing on the more ambitious part of the manga in a part two, a la Chainsaw Man, but even that feels like wishful thinking- especially because of so many second series being. A mess, to put it lightly.

Horikoshi does deserve the break from writing and drawing, don't get me wrong, ten years of pumping up a story of this quality is not an easy feat, but it's so weird considering all the loose ends. If he did decide to end on his terms, well. His decision, I guess, even if it still feels off. But it is the only explanation that makes sense, in my opinion. Especially with the amount of breaks he needed to get because of health conditions- Shonen Jump is very harsh on their mangakas after all.

*I say "positive" because he said he didn't want it to be a long runner, and he did say he's interested in a BNHA spin-off and elevating the light novels. And that he'd "see us again in Jump" on the countdown announcement, so. There's that, take that as you will.

Maybe I should try and be positive as well, there is a chance this is not the end of the main series yet, and we're getting, Idk, a rebrand of sorts? Maybe Horikoshi will show up at Jump Festa and be like "surprise I got more tricks up my sleeve". Back to the beginning, but not quite the same. Hell imagine if he decided to go to the actual beginning: Boku No Hero one-shot from 2008. Call it Boku no Hero Agency or something like that. Hah.

Won't erase that I am feeling shitty about this right now- but, what do I know, I wanna choose hoping for something as wishful as this until the end of the ride rather than dwell on the doomerism of it all. Just wanted to talk about it. Makes me regret I chose to get into BNHA late in the game, but I'm still glad I got to ride in at all. I hope this "final bow" isn't gonna feel as incomplete as I fear it will.

I. Guess we'll have to wait and see with fingers crossed then. *sigh* So, with that said.

I guess I wanna hope for the handhold, at least.

[addictedtostorytelling]

I feel like you’ve answered this before, so perhaps you could just point me to your previous posts on the matter, but as a fairly new CSI fan - WTF was that divorce arc!!! I just can’t figure out how that would make sense for the characters other than the writers ‘wanted tension’. Was it simply they wanted a way to write Grissom completely out of the show? I mean, we already had an explanation as to why he wasn’t there - he was overseas, they had a long distance relationship. Watching Immortality, the whole thing just feels like genuinely bad writing choice. I’m not a fan of the later seasons in general, but ‘Grissom and Sara married and then divorced and then apparently didn’t speak to each other for at least 2-3 years’ just doesn’t make any sense to me at all. It does not fit with the previous fifteen years of show at all. It just feels like a weird, clumsy writing choice. Whenever I see Immortality I just think - this doesn’t make sense for the two of you! Anyway, wondered what your thoughts were.

hi, anon!

you're not alone in your feelings at all.

the divorce arc was the absolute nadir of series.

it was nonsensical from a character perspective. cruel to the fans. insulting to the actors. an utter narrative dead end (eventually all but retconned out of existence by the time of the reboot anyhow). reductive to previously established storylines and themes of the show. poorly rendered "in-episode," in terms of dialogue, story beats, pacing, etc. just abysmally bad writing all around.

i mean, in what universe would grissom and sara ever decide (as newlyweds, no less) to live 8000 miles away from each other and then allow their communication to lapse so badly over the next few long-distance years they eventually dissolved their marriage via telephone without either one of them ever bothering to get on a fucking plane to try to salvage things in person before the end?! how does that notion fit with anything we know about these two characters, who have been all but surgically attached to each other at the hip for the entirety of the show previously and who have both made big "get on a plane to be together" gestures toward each other in uncertain situations before? i mean, jesus fucking christ! it just doesn't track at all.

i make no secret of my deep and utter loathing for this arc (and neither, indeed, for all of the later seasons of the show just in general).

most often, i prefer not to acknowledge it at all, but i do have some old posts on it that may be of interest to you:

this one is just a good, old-fashioned rant about why i consider the divorce arc unjustifiable on every narrative level;

this one covers a lot of different divorce arc-related issues but especially focuses on how the writers failed, leading up to the divorce, to handle grissom and sara's marriage well during s10-s12;

and finally this one explains the bts decision-making from the writers and showrunners that ultimately led up to (and out from) the divorce arc, including where they made their major mistakes*.

* this post is an old one, written back when i was still in the business of trying not to bad-mouth the show or its writers overly much, so the ending kind of props up "immortality" more than it deserves; nowadays, i don't really consider the finale well-written at all. like you, i find it clumsy and weird.

anyway, the tl;dr of all of those posts is, ultimately, you hit the nail on the head: the writers essentially wrote themselves into a corner by initially making grissom and sara's marriage long-distance and then after a couple of seasons of floundering went for some cheap melodrama with the divorce to boost their ratings, somehow not realizing when they did so the intense audience backlash they would provoke. they then spent the next few seasons stuck in a holding pattern where sara was concerned, having no idea what the hell to do with her or how to wield her post-divorce, which resulted in them basically failing to develop her character at all beyond s13. finally, they lucked out when billy petersen agreed to reprise his role as grissom for the series finale, giving them the opportunity to undo their old, terrible mistake—however, at the expense of basically every other character and relationship on the show, all of which were shunted to the side in service of making "immortality" into a poorly-written, two-hour gsr made-for-tv movie. come the reboot, they then just tried to pretend like the whole divorce arc had never even taken place to begin with, which is honestly just as well, given what a shitshow the thing was, start to finish.

there's more salt like this—whole mines of it—in the posts i linked to you above.

suffice it to say, i am right there with you, anon, in my disdain for these storytelling mistakes.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

[kiefbowl]

Finally another person that hates HIMYM as much as I do. There isn't a show that I hate more tbh, like there are shows I dislike, but that damn show is something else. Just like you I hate what they did to Robin(and she's the only character I kind of liked; I liked Ted when he wasn't trying to be like Barney and when he would actually call Barney out, which sadly wasn't too often)...and I hate how more often than not the show treated Barney's treatment of women as a joke, or rather the show rarely called him out, and i especially hate the way they ended his character arc, I was like "oh now he'll see women as humans" *eye roll*-- I hate that trope so damn much. The show had potential, and the premise was interesting, it's just that the show was filled with the worst tropes and some of the worst characters on today's tv(or ever, really). I just cannot for the life of me understand its popuplarity.

Also, oh my god yes, I totally agree with you on that final season. What the hell were the writers thinking?!

>"I liked Ted when he wasn't trying to be like Barney and when he would actually call Barney out, which sadly wasn't too often"

one of the most unaware things the show does is pretend Barney is a foil to Ted when Ted and Barney are extremely similar in their views of women. The difference is that Barney is always on, and it's always a goofy heightened reality, while Ted will be written fairly straight wrt wanting to sleep with women.

>"I hate that trope so damn much."

a baby daughter fixed me is definitely one of the worst tropes and also is sooooo fucking lazy. they didn't build a story around Barney in which him having a baby girl in the 11th hour would feel cathartic, that's why it feels so cheap. If he had conflicted feelings about his life and about fatherhood at all, it would still be a lazy and misogynistic choice, but it would at least follow some story logic. it's like a big ass trifecta of shit: Robin and Ted endgame, mother dead, Barney has a fucking baby.

Writing that reminds me that they have Robin "fail" both of her love interests by not being able to have children since children are obviously the one true ultimate goal in this story. A child fixes Barney, and Robin wouldn't have ever been able to do that for him. Truly ridiculous. But anyway I haven't gotten that far yet.

>"I just cannot for the life of me understand its popuplarity"

I have thoughts on this, looking back on old subreddits I think a lot of people hand waved unpleasant parts of HIMYM because they wanted to believe the set-up they were seeing was intentional. Most of it was not as intentional as believed and it ended up being poorly done for the actual planned ending. Case in point: the internal life of Robin is clearly not something the writers cared about. But because the story is focused on who she loves and wants to be in a relationship with, fans thought 'well the internal life of Robin is being treated seriously, so I will read into the subtext'. I think this also comes off because Cobie cares about Robin's internal life. I don't think the writers ultimately know why Robin loves Barney, but I think Cobie knows. I wonder if the writers ever really cared what the actors believed was true about their characters. There needs to be some give and take on this even if writers ultimately gets to decide how the story plays out.

Additionally, I think the five leads are very charming and elevate a lot of material, they all have exceptional physical comedy chops. People liked the characters when they were good, tried to close their eyes when they were bad, and hoped the good parts were leading somewhere satisfying.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Love at First Set Book Review 🦇

💜 Read If You Love: 💜 🏋️‍♀️ Women who lift 👰‍♀️ Runaway brides 👀 “Oh no, my best friend’s sister is hot” 🧘‍♀️ Flirting during partner yoga 🎟 Cheesy county fair dates 😬 Awkward pining 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Sapphic swooning

🦇 For Lizzie, working at a gym isn't just a job; it's her home. For now, she's only the check-in girl (and occasionally, the owner's punching bag), but one day, she could manage her own. When her bestie (and emotional support himbo) and boss's son James asks her to play plus-one at his sister's wedding, she agrees, hoping to find a chance to talk to his parents about a promotion. One drunken pep-talk later and the bride-to-be, Cara, realizes she doesn't want to get married after all. It doesn't help that Lizzie is crushing on her HARD—or that Cara decides to stay with her brother while getting her derailed life back together. Afraid his sister plans to set him up on a blind date, James urges Lizzie to keep her distracted. Can Lizzie girl the hell up AND keep her crush under wraps?

[ Find my review below or on Insta | Storygraph | Goodreads ]

💜 Lizzie is a beautifully realistic mess and knows it. Growing up with an unreliable, emotionally-abusive mother taught Lizzie she could only rely on herself, while her economic status triggered some serious self-esteem issues. Though her self-reliance and independence are strengths, her unwillingness to trust others also becomes a weakness.

💜 Jennifer Dugan (@jl_dugan) heard the phrase "queer pining" and understood the assignment. Lizzie's insta-crush on Cara spurs some hilarious self-talk that puts the "com" in this queer rom-com. The constant, silent, somewhat reluctant pining is intense, raw, and real, but her sass and sarcasm never let it get overly sappy. Though Lizzie can't see it, Cara's obvious crushing is equally intense, making these two lovesick, bisexual messes the perfect match.

🦇 Unfortunately, everything I loved in the first half of the book becomes exhaustive by the second half. Lizzie allows both James and Cara to manipulate her into favors that benefit them too often. Her self-proclaimed cowardness spurs the story's internal conflict a little too much. The self-depreciation that was once funny became painful enough to become cringy, too.

🦇 While I love a slow burn, Lizzie and Cara's relationship is too focused on showing physical development, but not the emotional development. We don't see the pillow talk or hidden moments between them that lead to them falling in love with one another. The external conflict—Cara's mother—is written as a two-dimensional antagonist. Her motivation for keeping the women apart is status, but why (did she grow up in poverty, or feel shamed by a group with higher social status at one point in her life)? My biggest pet peeve is a plot powered by miscommunication (in this case, a complete FAILURE at communicating from the start), and this story relies on it all too much to reach an unsatisfying happy ending that's tied up in a LITERAL bow. The writing was so strong and held so much promise in the beginning, but I'm afraid the third-act break-up, blow-up dinner scene, ultimatum, and ending didn't do it for me.

🦇 Recommended for anyone who loves a pining and scheming of Shakespearean proportions. This sapphic rom-com will be a sweet if not chaotic addition to your TBR.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 👟 Sapphic Rom-Com 👟 Bi Visibility 👟 Gay Best Friend 👟 Economic Classes 👟 Shakespearean Miscommunication, Pining, and Scheming 👟 Self-Esteem Issues

❝ "Queer chaos trumps moral fortitude, especially when making out is involved." ❞

❓ #QOTD What's your preferred workout? ❓ ❝ "Don't sit behind the gym counter of your life when you're meant to be in front of it." ❞

[shadow-pixelle]

special challenge- each of these needs to be answered with a different fic

🌀

🌤

🌩

🌪

☔

Ooooohkay! Big ask. Let's see if I can do your little extra challenge too while I'm at it, I've probably got enough stuff.

Under a read more, because oh dear god this got long so quickly.

So for the portal; I'll go with 'something I haven't written yet', rather than haven't posted, because when it comes down to it I have no idea if I'll write something, but anything I've not posted I'll post eventually, so yeah.

The fic is called Run (Yourself) To Death, it's a Danny PhantomxDC crossover, it was one of the first things I came up with for this fandom, and is a solid 90% the fault of Clockwayswrite's A Broken Sort of Normal because that's what introduced me to the 'quick death' ship and I found it very very cute. Idea was that Wally West doesn't end up dead after the big twister thing from Young Justice (I don't remember enough about that show to give more details) and instead sort of... falls sideways, I guess? Into a natural portal to the Infinite Realms riiiiiight as he also fades into the Speedforce and kinda ends up in this very fucked up state of not-quite-Halfa but not dead but not alive either, no connection to the Speedforce, and a developing Ghost Core. The entire story would be focused on Danny finding him and trying to help him get back to his reality, which is really really hard, and takes several years, ending with them in a relationship and also Wally as a super liminal/basically a Halfa by the time they figure it out.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm calling it Run Yourself To Death, or just Run To Death, which is why the 'yourself' is in brackets.

Sunny cloud!; favourite piece of dialogue... ok, I've got a few WIPs ongoing at the moment. Normally I'd go with the one closest to being posted, buuuuuut that fic has no dialogue. So I'll go for the next one on that list, which is Strange Aeons, the Tumblr fic.

(I spent a solid like, half an hour looking through my various WIPs trying to choose a line, because I couldn't for the life of me decide on one that I liked enough.)

“Wait, so if you’re not- related, or whatever, to the Lazarus Pit, then what are you?”

I mostly like this one because of the cliffhanger-ness of it. It's not the last line of that segment, but it's pretty close to it.

For the thundercloud; something funny/cracky from your WIP. This is hilarious, because my WIP 1 isn't really funny- or well, it is, but more in the context of irony, and WIP 2 is. Uh. Not there yet. WIP 3 and WIP 4 both have some alright ones, so I'll take this one from Parhelion, because why not.

That scent was incredibly familiar. "Did you traffic me to yourself?" He asked, incredulity too strong for nervousness. "You haven't been trafficked." Wayne replied automatically, before stilling. "Excuse me?"

Tornado! Or as it appeared on my screen, cloud with a ghost tail. Sum up a WIP with a few fic tropes/AO3 tags. Uuuh ok. Let's use Ornithology for this one, because it's currently my main WIP. I'd sum this one up with Found Family, Cryptid Batfam, Gotham City Is Weird, Gotham City Rolls With Everything, and Wingfic as my main ones. I love this fic so much. It's nearly complete, too, which is a yay.

And finally, umbrella rain. Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it... hmm. Ok this is a fun one for me, because usually if I have a fic concept, I intend to write it, no matter what? But I've definitely got something somewhere that's so old that I probably won't end up writing it just because I've got so much else to write...

digs into the box of WIPs and ideas

Ok let's pull out two fun ones that I have in this old as fuck list- specifically ones that I actually remember what the fuck that note means (looking at you, 'guitar riff bad life decisions (also AA)' like what the fuck does that mean Past Pix. What the hell is that.)

So one of them is labelled as 'Tarre Kamino aka fuck the SW timeline'. I mostly remember this one because I started writing this, and it is in fact the reason I have a Word document with my own Star Wars timeline in it, because I got so sick of trying to figure it out via the wikis that I made some guesses and made my own. I didn't write more than maybe a scene of it because it was all driving me mad, and also I couldn't figure out where to go with things, but the idea was that the Force Ghost of Tarre Vizsla is on Kamino fucking around and finding out, and basically doing his best to keep the clones safe in the face of gestures at common fanon Kamino stuff and also like, the amount of rage he's got at Jango Fett and the other Mandos on planet. Cool idea, could not figure out where to go with it aside from probably having him interact with Shaak Ti at some point, but I had a solid 10 years to get through to get there and was lost.

The second one is 'Kamino is v angery (4546B)', man I love my naming system for things, and this one had No Plot Just Vibes. Fans of Subnautica may recognise that little number-letter combo at the end, the idea was literally that Kamino had once been the planet 4546B from Subnautica. The only real idea I had to go from there involved the Leviathans, specifically the Sea Emperor, but I had no idea what I wanted to do with it outside of that.

Maybe I'll come back to them sometime.

looks up wow this is a long post, huh. Damn. Hope you enjoyed hearing all these rambles, and ta very much for the ask! It was fun to go digging through things for quotes and stuff.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

for the fic writer asks: 3, 15, and 18!!

3: What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

oof, there's a lot. i'm very longwinded and i hyperfixate easily, which is a recipe for fics that take a long time to make and then never gets made. 

the all stars:

bucky barnes designated driver au: a personal fave, no idea if i'll ever write it in full but i hope i do. bucky barnes, fresh out of hydra, ends up stumbling into hell's kitchen and meets its devil. matthew murdock has an air of such good natured, reckless stupidity that usually manifests in a violent back alley street fight that it punches through decades of hydra programming because jesus christ, this man is terminally, dangerously stupid. why is that so familiar. this is one of the most chaotic things i've ever come up with and i love it with my whole heart. it's one of my favorite peter parkers i've ever come up with in it. he's so feral. may is where he gets it from. she is in a polycule with frank castle and karen page. it's so fun.

peter parker roommates au: weird cosmic energy linked the three peters from nwh and let them do what america chavez does, just with each other's universes. they immediately use this fact to save on rent costs by moving in together. multiverse shenanigans ensue. this one i'm probably going to write after i wrap up a few other projects.

time travel au: probably never going to write this one unfortunately, which is a shame, because it's an absolute party. matt murdock and peter parker are sent back to their old bodies in a freak magic accident. they immediately decide not to tell the fucking wizards this happened, because the fucking wizards ruin everything trying to "preserve the timeline" and "not destroy the multiverse as they know it." it's fine, peter did the math and they only have like a 13ish% chance of destroying space and time, trapping everyone in an endless void where death and escape will be impossible and those are like, AMAZING odds. and they sort of need those odds because they got booted back to the day that frank castle's family died and they simply fucking immediately saved them with no regard for the consequences. featuring a peter who refuses to be swayed by the fact that he's fucking thirteen again, he's going to airdrop the CIA's files to the entire state of new york, a matt who insists that he is aware that peter is like, thirteen and allergic to grass but this is one of his best friends, it's not weird, a frank who has no idea who these fucking people are, and a karen and foggy who got together and immediately sailed over the relationship hurdle of both mutually finding matt to be unspeakably attractive when he engages in open and honest communication, stumbled right into the most awkward seduction of all time. everyone is so stupid, except for peter, who is using this less of a romance opportunity and more as an opportunity to commit federal crimes.

Spider-Man v Kingpin x2: I have these two really different plot lines of Peter Parker versus the kingpin that’s like, cat and mouse, mind games, suspense type things. An older peter parker than what I currently have on my account, post nwh, that kind of showcases his ability to hold his own in the new york underground. Ensemble vigilante cast for both, but in very different ways. disney hire me i would make either of these into an eight episode series in a second. 

De-fridging the punisher's family: okay so like, i think there's a distinction between all “my wife/kids/girlfriend/family died and now i have to commit gratuitous acts of violence” backstories and fridging that's like, bad writing (even though it almost always is bad writing, very few writers have pulled it off) and i don't actually think frank castle's backstory is bad writing. that being said, i LOVE undoing it. i do not know why i am hyper fixated on the castles, but i am. they are alive and they live in my head. i have wayyy too many stories that are focused on the castle family. i do not know why. my favorites:

Maria Castle was Jack Murdock's kid sister AU--probably one of the sadder ones of the bunch. Maria is the painfully estranged aunt of Matt Murdock, who she recently bumped into, only to find that he looked like someone kicked the shit out of him. In an effort to make sure he's okay, she tries to revive ties long since buried. She invites him to join her family on their tradition in Central Park.

"Castles for Christmas" AU--Winter break is here, the dorms have plumbing issues, Foggy has a mandatory trip visiting a horrible bitch of a great aunt who doesn't want any blind best friends tagging along, and Matt says "I have a place to stay" when the place is an old mattress next to the boiler in Fogwell's. Meanwhile, Agent Orange takes a very different approach to the problem of Frank Castle and steals his kids. Matt Murdock hears a couple of kids in trouble and decides to handle it himself. When the kids' father tracks him down afterwards--well, nightmare scenario, but they aren't ratting him out to the cops, so it's as good as it can go. The problem: these people are fucking insane and their mission of "thank the nice young man who saved our kids" turned into "fully kidnap him and force him to live in their guest bedroom because they have an exaggerated sense of duty and this man is living like a fucking goblin." Featuring a matt who's like, trying to politely explain to the Castles that he appreciates the concern, but also this is a fucking kidnapping, like there's literal zip ties involved, like seriously this is a felony, a castle family who has decided that if frank keeps dragging him off the windowsill before he can wriggle his way to freedom then maybe they'll give him stockholm syndrome and it will be a nonissue, and a foggy who is wondering if his best bro has been enslaved by a suburban family of four to make gingerbread men.

Maria Castle Matt Murdock Best Bros Au--at the start of his Daredevil career, Matt saves a random suburban housewife mid-mugging--only she was in the process of saving herself and Matt gets clipped with a bullet in the process. the injury to his person is minor. the injury to his pride is major when random suburban housewife pistol whips him in a moment of panic, proceeds to kidnap masked man for medical treatment. The thing is 1) she hates the PTA 2) it's so hard to make adult friends with you know, kids and everything 3) she is extraordinarily okay with aiding and abetting and 4) this man is her dumbass little brother now, look at him, he's so ridiculous and pathetic, she can't not bully him, this is an excellent life decision curtis calm DOWN. featuring a curtis who does not want to be a part of this, please and thank you, maria stop calling him, and a frank still in Afghanistan, under the impression that this is his wife's new gay best friend instead of like. a man she met via vigilante justice.

15: Are there words, phrases, mannerisms or scenes you tend to use a lot?

Uhhh, i overuse stuff like “(s)he sighs” or “(s)he doesn’t say anything” or “(S)he scoffs” and “(s)he shrugs,” etc. because i’m looking for a specific like, rhythm(?) in a conversation or in the prose and shove in those mannerisms like placeholders. I haven’t figured out a better way to handle that problem with my writing yet, but hopefully will one day. 

Frank’s a weirdly expressive character, at least the way Jon Bernthal plays him, so I tend to kind of add in like, exaggerated exasperation. He has a lot of looking heavenward for strength, side-eyeing, that kind of thing.

Matt and Peter very purposefully have some parallels across my projects, but especially the Matt  and peter in pottery shards. it’s this kind of impatient way of downplaying concern for them. I think that all narrators are inherently unreliable, is the thing. It’s all going to be framed through their mindsets and experiences. Matt and Peter are both deeply isolated characters who don’t know how to comprehend--let alone accept--help and concern, for different reasons. Matt’s used to systemic abuse and instability. He’s used to him having problems being treated as him having done something wrong and being punished for it. So there’s usually a scene with a character showing some pretty appropriate concern for him--Brett, Foggy, Karen, etc.--and Matt’s entire internal monologue is about how endless this conversation is and how he doesn’t know why they’re reacting like this, and the thing they’re reacting to is like, horrible abuse. 

Peter has the same thing, because Peter in pottery shards is someone who enters the narrative as someone who has purposefully isolated himself and set himself into the mindset that people trying to interfere in his life--aka help him, the fourteen year old--is just going to hurt both himself and the people he loves. And there’s a lot of reasons for this, not all of which has been unpacked yet, but it’s resulted in this same mindset that Matt has as perceiving concern as something that’s at best a waste of his time and at worst a big problem he has to fix. So you have scenes where Curtis is actively providing him health care, or teachers are concerned about his wellbeing, and his entire internal monologue is either frustrated musings on how to get out of this, or perceiving it as them being upset with him. 

Foggy and karen haven’t gotten to the brunt of their roles yet in any of the projects, but I usually try to model them around these same internal baseline characteristics that results in repeated mannerisms. Foggy is someone who is usually very purposeful in how he acts and the words he uses. like, he’s really more self aware than any other character, and he’s good at teasing through the maladaptations of other characters. So foggy gets these repeat lines of verbal clarifications like “This isn’t a fight” because he’s good at clocking what exactly is wrong with another character and trying to make his own actions clear. I’ll refrain from karen because most of her repeated baseline characteristics haven’t popped up yet. 

18: Recommend someone else fic! (And tag them if they have a tumblr!)

i don’t think this author has a tumblr, and I haven’t seen anything from the in years, but silverpard on both AO3 and fanfiction.net has this one fic that changed the chemistry of my brain. it’s called a mirror, darkly and it influenced my own writing to a ridiculous degree. i’m not much of one for batman, never got into DC, but it’s very much worth it. 

[prettytanuki]

s02ep00 of Mushoku Tensei

This episode feels like a side-story. Not as good as MT season 1 but I guess you should watch if you want to watch season 2.

Spoilers & my thoughts on the episode below.

So the episode starts with a royalty talking about cake with her guards, except cake is codeword for tits, because this is mushoku tensei and all roads lead to perv.

Then we see Sylphy getting teleported into the sky and we're reminded that, yeah, this would kill most people normally.

So how the fuck does she survive this? What does this have to do with that princess? Is she just going to fall on a tree and they'll help her or something?

And then all of sudden a huge pig goes rampage and brutally kills one guard... wait what.

What's up with this pig all of sudden? Where did it came from. Why does it decide to go on rampage the exact moment Sylphy is falling down in the sky? In hindsight, was it that water spell she tried to use earlier and almost drowned in it?

So as it seems that the other guard is actually fucking dead, and the second guard is prepared to die and tells the princess to gtfo, maybe... just maybe... this pig is the real deal, so I guess Sylphy will kill the pig, the princess will be like "hurray" and the story continues from there. The only problem is how is she going to land.

What the fuck? HER HAIR JUST TURNED WHITE? SHE JUST PULLED A KANEKI???? I was wondering who the hell was that guy white haired elf at the end of first season and it was JUST HER WITH WHITE HAIR???

This was dirty. Dirty and cheap. Can't believe I fell for that.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???

ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW??? SHE JUST... FALLS RIGHT IN THE EXACT SPOT LOL

Okay this was awful. I guess it solves the issue of how it happens but holy shit this was awful. This is some looney tooneys shit.

Okay so the princess takes Sylphy in on the condition that she wears these glasses... I guess that explains where the glasses come form but... why tho...? Is it the eye color? I guess that must be it because I can't imagine it being anything else. I don't really remember eye color being that important though. I thought it was the hair color.

Messy writing aside I gotta say this looks pretty badass. Sunglass white-hair elf ftw!

Some royal bullshit happens in the ball. Silent Fitz, huh? I guess that explains how she maintained low-profile despite having no court training. Was Sylphy an elf...? I don't really remember. I think she was supposed to be a demon, so she's pretending to be an elf.

Fitz seems traumatize. I guess that makes sense considering this is MT.

I guess that makes sense but I was sort of imagining she would just keep "Fitz" around for herself and make no effort in finding her family.

Wow a theater scene. Crazy to think people watched these before animes were invented.

So it sounds like the princess was just trying to get people to search for Fitz' family but the other royals misinterpreted that as her training to raise to the throne... or was she????

A fat bastard noble with a collared sex slave??? This is so cliché.

But I love it.

I'm sorry, what are they saying? I can't concentrate on the words.

"We will not nip the buds, but reap the one who sows them."

Okay, so ur gonna kill her. Why not just say that, explicitly and in plain English, you fatass smirking bastard.

I was so focused on that perv noble I forgot about this other perv noble. ARE YOU GUYS ALL PERVERTS???

RUN FITZ RUN!!!

oh no.

Oh, she's actually one of the decent ones. She wasn't going to attack Fitz. She, just like she said, was just going to sleep on the bed, together, and never had any plans for otherwise. That makes sense.

What a nice emotional scene deepening the relationship between two girls, I'm so glad nothing perverted is goi

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO!!! NOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Blushing Fitz is a cutie.

Oh fuck no. You in bed and open your eyes and a stranger is standing there? This stuff gives me nightmares!

It's an assassin!

Fitz can fight hurray!

Wait a sec... that's fat bastard's girl. She looks smaller than I thought. Why is she an assassin. That doesn't make sense.

*fighting ensues*

Cool moves!

What did she do.

WHAT DID SHE DO???

I mean it looks like she just pushed the assassin with her two hands but honestly that's some SLOW assassin if she just let Fitz attack her full of opening like that.

And blast!

And...

NOOOO!!! FAT BASTARD'S GIRL!!! What the fuck!!!

Why would you do that for, Fitz??? JUST CAPTURE HER ALIVE! Needs an interrogation scene!!!

Is that so? Is she part of the dark guild? Because I'm pretty sure I saw this in Cheat Skill already.

I hope she survived the fall.

I'm glad there was poison in the blade. Sick of half-assed assassins who won't even coat their blades in poison.

So with the assassination the princess leaves for "studies" abroad, which means Fitz goes to magic school, and that connects to how she sent Rudeus a message at the end of last season. That makes sense, I guess.

WHY ARE THEY CLIMBING MOUNTAINS LIKE THAT??? JUST GET A CARRIAGE OR SOMETHING! You telling me the princess of a kingdom can't even get a proper transportation to cross the mountain range?

Okay, fine I don't really know a lot about how royalty works, iirc the average royalty was way poorer than what it looks like in a fantasy show because they only reigned over small domains but surely there is fancier way to travel through a mountain than three people in capes, right? no idea what it would be tho

[universitypenguin]

Hiya, beautiful ❤️ thank you for dropping chapter 11 so quickly after the tenth 😅 they were very very interesting to read as it is everything you create, you wonderful amazing writer you!! So i have a question if that's okay, i'm probably wrong here cause i'm not so good with the technical terms but would i be right to think that these two chapters were kinda like fillers?! Like they dont further the plot or the story as much as they help reveal certain aspects of the characters' personalities like this new side of Lloyd, the remorseful hunted-by-his-ugly-past side. I only ask cause you are THE smartest writer on here, dear Alice, and everything you write has a structure cause you've mentioned being the Architect kind of writer so i'm just wondering where to place these two chapters on the blueprint?! 

Also, i honestly doubt the stalker is actually Aiden, this is you so there's no way in hell its that easy 😅and the second body is just throwing me off like i know there is a big ass plot twist just waiting to happen but we still have yet to earn it as readers 🤫 

In all earnestness, you are truly gifted when it comes to storytelling, babe ❤️ and we're genuinely blessed that you chose to share your gift with us 💛

When you get a question like this, it’s usually a sign that you’ve done something wrong. There’s a plot error that went awry along the way and snowballed into a larger issue. After a lot of thought I’ve realized what I’ve done. I kept too many B-Stories and the overarching story has suffered for it. 

Firstly, the hardest part of a story is Act II. This is where I'm the weakest as a writer. But what I hear, it's where everyone is the weakest. Keeping too many plot elements is why the story is suddenly looking a bit frazzled. I did my best to smooth over it, but there are definitely too many threads being braided together.

You might be right about some of the last few chapters being filler. My definition of a filler chapter is a scene that if you remove it from the story, doesn’t affect the rest of the plot. Some of the character building scenes in Chapter 10 technically meet that definition. In Chapter 11 there was a lot of information released and two new characters were introduced. 

The root of the problem is that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, and now I’m just still chewing, trying to wrangle the plot in a manageable direction. My problem is that I decided to craft three different plots into one story. Plot #1 (the primary storyline) is the romance - Lloyd and Princess’ relationship. Plot #2 is the thriller - Princess’ stalker, and Plot #3 is the mystery - the murder case. 

Blending these three ideas into one chapter isn't easy. It makes the story hard to follow. I think a lot of my readers experienced whiplash from the content on Lloyd’s character development, to the insertion of new information about the case, and then I introduced two new characters to each subplot - one of which I didn’t even show on page. The confounding variables just kept piling on. 

My justification for it not being filler is that we created necessary development on the murder case. Also, Princess is beginning a character arc by choosing how to handle Aiden’s stalking. The piece of Act II that I liked most was Lloyd’s emotional exploration. But since that’s not the pace I started out the story with, dropping back into a slower, more character focused beat, created even more whiplash. 

I wanted to write that chapter to give him context. Lloyd does get a lot of love on Tumblr (particularly among my readers), but he’s rather unsympathetic in the books. I have such a good time writing his dialogue and keeping the side of him that’s a jerk alive, but I also want to show off the soft underbelly he’s hiding. Though, after analyzing my work, I spent far too long on this beat. Here’s the other news: I’m planning on doing more of it, because I’m already this far in and I don't want to change direction mid-stream.

Not to give away too much, but we have probably five more chapters of character backstory, growth, and unexpected twists and turns. I want to take a deep dive into Lloyd and really find out more about who the character is. Even though it doesn’t match what I’ve set up, I consider this version I’m sharing with you to be the first draft of the story. Some of those scenes probably could be cut without affecting the main plot. But at the moment, that’s just not what I want to do. I want to take the long way around and look at the scenery, rather than stick to the high speed, plot focused pace I began with. 

And you’re absolutely right about the turn into what might be considered “filler” territory. My explanation is that I’m going to be spending the first half of Act II explicitly on Lloyd’s character development. Chapters 12 - 15 are all going to be at about this pace.

As for me being an architect, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am. I’m more of a hybrid between gardener and architect. Do I have a plan? Yes. Can that plan change at any given moment? Absolutely. My method is chaotic. It’s more like deciding that I’d like to travel from Seattle to Miami, but leaving my options for how to get there pretty open. My ideas form more in this way: 

“Well, for sure I want to travel through Salt Lake City, and I’m probably going to hit Pensacola on the way. But should I stop by Panama City, or go directly to Tallahassee? You know, that’s a long way off. Let’s see how I feel when it’s closer.” 

I have a definitive midpoint that I’m writing towards, and until I get that written, I’m not going to apply too much thought to the later chapters. Until I see the midpoint I can’t be sure how they’re going to look. We have to see what the characters react to the trials I’m going to put them through first and how much they develop. 

I hope this is clear, because you’ve asked an excellent question that really made me think over my plot choices. I really appreciate your candor. Taking the time to carefully consider these elements of story, plot, and character is how I grow as a writer. 

Please feel free to message me if you have any other questions! I love talking about this stuff.

[darkplaceblankface]

Hi darkplaceblankface I hope you're well! I loved your old novel on AO3 and was sad to see it go! Why did you decide to remove it and redo the series?😊

Thank you for asking! There were a few reasons:

I will primarily say it's because I wanted to change the path I was on.

ILE was started when I was in an extremely dark place in my life. I was facing health issues, isolation, etc. It informed how much I wrote. I could knock out about 20k words in one night. I got a lot out of the validation-kudos and comments on Ao3. I know and have learned not to expect guaranteed interaction. However, I was fraying at the seams, refreshing and refreshing my email, for the bits of serotonin I could get from responding to comments. Writing took over my life, it affected my work, my mental health, but I had no other outlet.

To that, Indie, Whisperer, Nicky became worse and more tragic characters over time. I actually have several ideas regarding an ending for the story, but I was writing myself into a corner. There seemed to be no way to have a good ending. I wanted a hard reset but felt we were in too deep. 

When I took down ILE in March during the middle of the Blitzkrieg, (sorry) I was focused on getting a new job and moving to a new apartment while also balancing that 5+ POV rollercoaster we were on. Not to mention, at that time, I had no beta reader and was solely doing all the writing, editing, and planning for the story. The subplots, arcs, and motifs took up all of my thoughts. It was too much.

The final straw was when I'd done hours of research on tornadoes while also juggling the changing factors in my life. I'd felt guilty for not uploading as fast as usual, but then it was dead silence on the other end when I posted 56. 56 had:

-Lee and her dad in Hell meeting Elena in Hell,

-end of IndievAya battle where she knocks Lee into Indie and says the funniest thing

-Braxon death & Braxon's POV about Indie and Nicky's relationship

-Max's backstory and why he hates Lee/was recruited by Aya

-Aya's kinda... real power reveal

- Mark's boyfriend reveal

-The beginning of IndievLee KFC breakup -> how Martha and Josie got their First Class designation-> how Alisha got kicked out of Indie's battalion

What was also written and never posted: Kay vs. Charlotte and Nate, Elijah vs. Etril, Josie and Lana vs. Max and Kate, and more I won't spoil.

KvC&N was extreme, and I asked myself, "What are we doing, bro?"

A snippet:

Kay is suddenly at Nate's side, whispering in his ear. "You know... sometimes, he asks for you."

Charlotte whips a solid sheet of light toward her but Kay sends an even brighter ball of golden fire, sizzling it away.

Then she's ahead of them, grinning with fangs, tongue sticking out.

"The faces he makes. God, he's so good at making me believe he wants it. I wonder what it means. Is it because he's a slut? Why are you even trying? He belongs to me."

Focus turns to blind and red.

"He's very sensitive. Right here," Kay comments casually, tapping a finger at Charlotte's backside as she cuts across their view, zooming backward for a moment to create distance between them. "He remembers how you taste. Thighs like two ripe pears. Cheeky babe, Charlotte. You're a peach."

Anyways....

I had just received a new job offer, my dream apartment was almost set up, and I was going to see friends I hadn't seen in years. I should have been happy. But I was spiraling. I had to detach, or I wouldn't be able to focus on my real life.

I'm in a better place and want to make a more morally grey Indie. She was too evil, y'all. I also want more rebel presence and more South China Sea conflict. ILE was also hella long and needed to split up. It's become something of a whumpy epic/saga thing, that I'm open to other people writing stuff for. I have an excellent beta reader now, but we both work and might want to outsource a bit especially during Whumptober. I'm definitely comfortable sharing more of ILF, the new version, because of the tone-down we've done. Let me know which parts you guys really like/miss, and I will take feedback. I'm on the fence about keeping "the hunger in their eyes" and the "zugzwang" stories as intense as they were.