#Why in the fuck did it take me 50 motherfucking hours

[lobsterverse]

Yeah I can art.

Hopefully

[valiantstarlights]

Which Hob Gadling Are You? Quiz

Instructions: Get a pen and paper (or open your notes app) to keep track of your answers and scores. Select one response and add +1 to your tally. At the end, the letter with the most number of tally marks is your result. There are 8 possible results, as there are 8 versions of Hob. Enjoy! 😊✨

--

1.) How well do you flirt?

Not sure. There's no one to flirt with. (A)

Fucking terrible. (G)

Not trying, not interested. (E)

Somewhat of a disaster, but I'd like to think there's hope for me. (B)

Not sure. I think I'm decent at it, but... (C)

I'm often not sure if I'm being flirted with, but if the person is my type, then I'll do my best to flirt back! (H)

I know what I'm doing, and hopefully it's my date tonight. ;) (F)

Honestly? I'm at a point in my life where I don't care if I'm good at flirting or not. (D)

2.) How much do you wanna fuck/get fucked by your date?

0% - Not right now. I have other priorities. (E)

25% - I'm not actively thinking about it, but if they're interested, then I'm game. (B and D)

50% - Why not? My date is super hot and I'm very interested in them. But if they're not in the mood, then that's fine, too. (H and C)

75% - Look, I'm making an Effort here. It would be nice if my date could show some interest. (G and A)

100% - OH HECK YEAH (F)

3.) Finish the sentence: "How..."

did you know that I'd still be here? (B)

long should I wait? (A)

did you know my name? (H)

wonderful to see you again. (D)

the hell did I fuck that up? (C)

rude! (G)

do you want me? ;) (F)

much longer until my order gets here? (E)

4.) Pick one word from the list:

Life (E)

Patience (A)

Change (F)

Courage (H)

Wonder (B)

Contentment (D)

Friendship (C)

Prosperity (G)

5.) Do you hate Shakespeare?

Ugh. Do we have to talk about him? I have more important things to worry about. (E)

I'm so glad you asked. Here, make yourself comfortable. I have a 6 hour presentation on why he sucks. (D)

I'd rather read a phonebook. (A)

I don't know who that is. (B)

(sighs) If I say no, will you leave me alone? (C)

THAT FUCKING BASTARD (G)

I watched one of his plays. Still think he's overrated, though. (F)

What's a shake spear? Is that a weapon or something? (H)

6.) How likely are you to say stupid shit?

Everything I say is stupid shit. (G)

Only when I'm drunk. (H)

I have no filter, so... (B)

I'd like to think I have learned not to be so careless. (E)

Fuck! I thought I had it! Apparently not. Gods motherfuck I'm never speaking again. (C)

I'm trying, okay? I really am. (F)

I said stupid shit once and I regret it until now. (A)

Very likely. Just wait and see. Any second now. (D)

--

YES OR NO QUESTIONS: If your answer is yes, +1 to the letter indicated.

7.) Do you believe in love at first sight? (H)

8.) Do you get excited over things/topics that others consider boring? (B)

9.) Are you content with the life you have right now? (G)

10.) Do you still feel hopeful, despite the horrors? (E)

11.) Are you always DTF (Down To Fight)? (F)

12.) Have you ever fallen in love with a friend? (C)

13.) Would you wait/Have you waited for hours for your friend/s to arrive? (A)

14.) Are you willing to wait however long it takes for the love of your life to appear in your life? (D)

--

15.) BONUS: Which is your favorite Hob?

1389 (H)

1489 (B)

1589 (G)

1689 (E)

1789 (F)

1889 (C)

1989 (A)

2022 (D)

--

RESULTS:

Mostly A's = 1989 Hob

Mostly B's = 1489 Hob

Mostly C's = 1889 Hob

Mostly D's = 2022 Hob

Mostly E's = 1689 Hob

Mostly F's = 1789 Hob

Mostly G's = 1589 Hob

Mostly H's = 1389 Hob

[killian-whump]

Obligatory Health Post

Some of you might remember my right ear from such happenings as “What the fuck is this noise in my right ear?” “Why won’t this noise go away?” and, my personal favorite, me likening the noise to this:

At some point, I stopped bitching about it. It didn’t go away, mind you, but I just got sick of talking about it and - I assume - everyone else probably got sick of hearing about it. I did, however, continue seeing doctors and trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with the damn thing. Well, long story short, my ear is perfectly fine - but I got a CT Scan a few months back that showed, and I quote, “a constellation of abnormalities” inside my motherfucking head.

Chief of which is “severe” venous sinus stenosis - fancy medical words that basically mean the main vein that moves blood (and cerebral spinal fluid) out of my head and into the rest of my body is functioning about as well as JJ Sneed’s knees at this point. The noise I’m hearing is the blood (and CSF) literally having to force its way through the vein.

Allegedly, I can somehow continue being not-dead with this shitty hardware malfunction going on, but it’s causing a back-up of cerebral spinal fluid inside my skull, as it’s not able to drain properly. So my head is, right now, literally full of shit you guys. There’s so much shit in there, and the situation’s been building up for so long, it’s actually changing the shape of my skull. Fascinating.

Pictured Here: a slightly less alarming way to reshape one’s skull.

Aside from remodeling my brain cavity, the fluid also causes headaches and dizziness and nausea and coordination problems and visual disturbances... that eventually lead to blindness. The condition’s called Pseudotumor Cerebri, because the symptoms basically mimic those of a brain tumor. Or, as my sister puts it, “All the fun of a tumor without the cancer.” I mean, I guess.

Thankfully, I only have some headaches and the infernal noise from hell inside my right ear. However, I have an appointment with a new doctor on Friday - who is going to give me some kind of massive eye-and-head exam that’s supposed to take 3-6 fucking hours. He’s gonna tell me how bad the fluid issue is and what I might have to do about it (could be nothing, could be meds, depending mostly on whether or not he thinks I’m in danger of losing my sight). I’m hoping he can determine that through the eye exam and the scans I’ve already had done - otherwise, he might order a spinal tap to measure the pressure on my brain. The only way that’s gonna happen is if he gets me so motherfucking high I have no clue where the fuck I am or what’s going on - which would be like any other day for me, really, aside from the ginormous needle in my fucking back.

The doctor’s also going to tell me what we’re going to do about the stenosis itself. That’s likely going to be “do nothing and keep an eye on it” or “put in a stent” - depending on which route the doctor feels poses less of a stroke risk. If he does nothing, then I’ll probably need to be on meds (reportedly unpleasant ones, yay) to control the fluid in my head and keep getting CT scans to keep an eye on the stenosis’s development. If he opts for the stent, it should fix everything all in one quick shot, but it means 24 hours in the ICU and fucking brain surgery. If I need to be higher than a kite to even consider getting a spinal tap, just imagine the kind of carnival of insanity I’m gonna need to survive that.

However, the stent is metal, so maybe I’ll set off metal detectors? Also, I might be able to get away with calling myself a cyborg afterwards. I mean, it’s not a pacemaker or anything, but it’s metal in my body, right? If I can’t be a cyborg I just don’t see the point of any of this at all.

Anyway... Despite my attempts at humor here, I am scared to death. Humor’s just my way of dealing with... Well, everything. The only alternative is not dealing with it at all, which... Well, let’s just say that there’s at least a 50% chance that on the day of whatever procedure I have to get that I’ll just be here posting Colin pics and talking about his butt like nothing’s going on at all - because I’ll be hiding in the fucking coat closet of the medical clinic, praying the wifi signal holds because Colin’s butt is magical and might be the only thing that can save me 😭

Pictured Here: Magical Leather-Clad Butt of Wonder

So that’s your update! Friday’s the day. Please send me good vibes, positivity, prayers, Colin shower GIFs, butts, or whatever it is you feel comfortable doing. I could really use the help. I’m (probably not really, but maybe) dying here 😭

[dzpenumbra]

7/1/23

I'm happy to be able to visually see myself getting in better shape. I really didn't realize how sedentary I had been. Every summer I have had trails to walk and rivers to comb for stones, and this summer I don't. I rarely leave my apartment at all. I think it's one of the first years I've been like this since I started getting really into hiking.

Now? If I want to go to the National Park near me, it's gonna be a $50 car rental, plus an entry fee to the park. Unless I can find a different place. My #1 top priority "will rent a car for this no matter what" trip is finding a stone beach somewhere. I will legit pull an all nighter (like every night) and just stay up, drive there at... well... around now, around 6 or something, and just spend all day barefoot combing the beach for cool rocks. That is a fucking dream come true.

I wish I had more uses for stones and stuff, like artistic uses. There's always jewelry but tumbling takes so fucking long, and wrapping them is a skill I just haven't really fully grasped. Well... that all comes with practice, doesn't it?

So yeah, not going out has done much more damage to me than just social deprivation, it's actually affecting my physical health. My blood pressure, my cholesterol, my weight. But doing yoga and exercise every day has really been getting me back in shape and I'm really happy for that.

I didn't do a ton today. The usual, really. Yoga, workout, games. Then I did a stream for a few hours. Started with watching skate videos while eating dinner, I like it. It feels less lonely than watching videos alone, even if no one is watching with me.

Some guy came back who... last time I saw him was super fucking rude in my chat. I barely know this guy. He raided my stream right when I was setting up a new Rimworld colony (with like 4 viewers) and I was explaining the whole story so far... like... setting up the plot for the stream. So he raided at the perfect time to get a summary of the plot so far, leading to the beginning of the playthrough. And this motherfucker, as I'm telling the backstory, is spamming @ me in the fucking chat, like 4 or 5 times. And I'm like... "yes, what's up, I'm trying to set up the story." And he goes... "how you been?" I had like 4 or 5 people there from past streams and shit who were there for the Ideology setup and all that, so... there were people invested in the story already... and this dude is spamming chat to ask me how I've been when he doesn't actually care. I was a hair away from banning him, and honestly... I probably should have. I can't remember the last time he was in my chat and actually gave a fuck about what was going on in the stream. He just fucking talks about himself and his stream and the games he plays.

Good lord, I know too many fucking people like that. Is that why they seek out small streamers? So they can just talk about themselves on someone else's stream and just make the entire thing about themselves? Like calling a radio station and just rambling on the phone about yourself until they cut you off? Is that what this is? Ugh.

Well, today, he decided to tell me that he is going hiking tomorrow. And he lost 20 pounds. And he still plays Rocket League. And he snowboards, but doesn't like skateboarding for no reason at all. As my entire stream at that point was watching skate videos and eating. Kinda fuckin weird, in hindsight. It really sucks when it's just you and one or two other people, if they start to dominate and you... you know... lead the stream... because you're the streamer and they're tuning in to watch you... supposedly... then they get pissy. It's fucking weird. It's like... I don't know, I feel like it's kind of a residual habit of people being on social media too much, and seeing a chatroom on Twitch and thinking it's Twitter and they're the star or something. I don't know.

Anyway, he left after like 10 minutes. Right when I transitioned into working on the visualizer. I did that for a few hours, made another cool kaleidoscope-themed one. Total of about 3.5 hour stream. And then I ended stream and played Hades for the rest of the night. And Hades is pretty kick ass, I like it a lot so far.

And that's about all for today, honestly. I want to get outside more, so maybe I can get out for a walk tomorrow if the weather is nice? And I got an email this morning from my landlord saying they're doing an annual event at my building where they do like a parking lot party, and there are games and shit, like axe throwing and shit. That's gonna be pretty sweet. I'm thinking of going. I mean... if it gets weird and awkward or uncomfortable, I can just go back to my apartment, it's right there. It's just been so fucking long since I've done any stuff like this. Like going to a fair, or a farmers market or something. It's been... close to 4 years? I think I went to one social event about a year into the pandemic, my therapist at the time went with me and I brought my dog. It was an art thing, I don't really know how to describe it, like demonstrations and workshops and shit. But that was like... the only thing I've been to since... since rock climbing on my birthday in October of 2019. That's a long fucking time. That's like... a full college degree worth of time.

I don't know why it spooks me. Maybe because I'm in my late 30's and I think the only people my age that might even be there are like... guaranteed to have kids. Maybe it's just because I'm alone. The more I think about it, I don't think it's this "out of practice" excuse my reflexes keep coming up with. I think it's just going to be a naturally awkward situation for me, considering I'm an introvert. I will be a lone person in their late 30's, and I do not typically like approaching people. It's always been awkward for me, no one in my family is remotely like that, and no one in the social circles I grew up in, and my family talked a lot of shit about people like that... extroverts... so... It's not really formed into my natural behavioral patterns at all, and I get a lot of reflexes saying "bad things will happen if you just approach people". Like... okay, maybe an example. If I, as a single childless man in his late 30's, went up and complimented a woman on how well behaved their child was being... my reflexes tell me that's weird and something bad will happen. My logical brain says... "if you said that to your older brother, he'd be really happy someone acknowledged it." My reflex mind goes, "you're going to weird people out". And that inner conflict is very stressful.

But again, as weird as it sounds? If I had cigarettes? I'd be fine. Not even kidding. If I had cigarettes, I'd have a box of 20 tickets out of social situations with no questions asked. Because 90% of people do not want you smoking near them. So... you can just say "I'm going to walk away from you right now without having to explain myself, because I will be smoking this plant, and you don't want me doing that around you. In fact, we have a designated area to do that." Then I can take my overwhelm or whatever and bring it over to a bench and just sit there and stare off at a plant or a wall or something, and take deep breaths and chill a bit. Dude, I am tempted to get a non-nicotine vape just for this purpose. I don't know if there are any actual... healthy vapes. I would just vape weed, but good lord would that make the problem 10,000 times worse. Hmm... I'm going to have to look into this. I was just picturing myself going to a smoking bench and like... chewing in a stick or something. But actually smoking something, even if it isn't nicotine, or even technically smoking... that would not just replace the ritual but make me blend in better.

Fucking crazy how... you just learn really specific ways of living. And then people give you shit and tell you you're unhealthy because of the way you learned how to live, and you want to be smart and live healthier, so you just start stripping "bad habits" completely unaware that it's absolutely a game of Jenga. Sometimes those habits are really important ones, that do much more than just fill a chemical need. Like my old thing with eating ice cream every night. It wasn't so much about the sugar, or the dairy, it was about emotional comfort in a time of grief. It's much easier (for me, at least) to just sweat out physical withdrawals as my body adjusts, than it is to form an entirely new way of grieving. So when you get it in your head that what you're doing is just quitting a chemical dependency, but you are unaware that you are also removing a social anxiety coping tool, a stress regulation tool, a weight management tool, a time/attention regulation tool... it gets fucking messy.

Anyway, point being... I need to get out in the world more. I'm definitely feeling it. First is a walk, I really need to get some sticks to use as stakes for my tomato and beans (my beans are both already over a foot tall). Then trips to the skatepark. Maybe a farmer's market visit on sunday? It's only about 2 blocks away. All working up to the parking lot party thing on the 12th. I can do it. I have been streaming effortlessly, and talking to people completely naturally. I just need to show myself that I can do it, and gradual increments help a lot. Also, AirPods. AirPods help a lot.

Tarot time, it's getting super late again.

Past - Eight of Swords, inverted (Feeling trapped and powerless. Being conditioned and complacent, not being able to see objectively.  But if you can, this is an opportunity to remove yourself from that trap.) Present - Page of Swords (Childlike awe and wonder, epiphany. Encountering wisdom but unable to process it.  Keen intellect, strong will, but lacks context and experience.) Future - Three of Cups, inverted (Celebration, calling in good fortune, joy.  Social gathering, a heartfelt belonging in a community.)

This one starts with inverted Eight of Swords. Eight of Swords represents self-imposed limitations. Meh, maybe that's not the best way of putting it, because The Devil is also about self-imposed traps (though it's much more about indulgence and impulse gratification traps, imo). Eight of Swords feels like the world imposing a trap, but a shift in perspective from the sufferer reveals that it's really just an illusion.

This is connected to Page of Swords in the Present position. Page of Swords is the embodiment of epiphany. The excitement of discovering and revealing the truth.

And this is connected to inverted Three of Cups in the Future position. Three of Cups is about social gatherings with friends.

What does this mean? Hmm... I would see the inverted Eight of Swords being the residual effects of peer pressure and just... shitty social treatment. How it keeps me bound and frozen, feeling like there is danger all around, but I am bound with ribbons and the danger only appears that way. When really, I'm the same person I was before all that, and I can just go and be like I was before. That sorta... trap that was built by others, but I keep myself in it... kinda thing. The inversion I would see as how deep I have fallen into it, how much its interfering with my life. The Page of Swords is the epiphany, the big realization, but also... not really knowing what to do with it. Like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia is kinda where I would see it inverted, this luckily is upright. So... there are still some blemishes with the Page, but the awe and wonder and excitement makes it worth it. Now... what I'm struggling to connect here is... how the Page of Swords connects to inverted Three of Cups. Inverted Three of Cups... I mean, if I take it super literally would be... something preventing me from going to a party. Which is like... I mean, I literally just wrote about that. So... okay. I mean... is this a warning? Like... hmm... gears are turning. So the Eight of Swords says the cause... the Page of Swords shows what I'm doing about it... which is a great realization but not really knowing what to do with it... and the Three of Cups shows the result... that not knowing means I don't go. The doubt, the feeling incapable and "not ready" means I don't go, and I miss out on making connections. Meeting people. I guess I was reading a bit too deep, it seems to make pretty clear sense.

Placeholder card? Five of Cups. Fucking again. I swear, I literally got this last night. And I shuffled the fuck out of the deck, I always do. If anyone wants to do the math on pulling the same card in the same position in a 4 card draw in a 78 card deck... feel free. Five of Cups is grief and suffering. It's not a fun card. It definitely shows the dominant force behind this whole narrative. Loss/grief/suffering caused the Eight of Swords, discovery and analysis of the loss/grief/suffering narrative was the Page, and the continued echoes of the loss/grief/suffering cause the disruption in social gatherings.

So again, the lesson is... take care of the grieving self. Self-care. Be kind and loving to myself. And these traps will start to fall apart on their own - like in yoga when you struggle to get into a pose because you're involuntarily tensing up muscles that are preventing you from getting into it, and then you learn to relax them and it just... happens - and I will start to reintegrate with more ease.

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

What are you doing man. Get the fuck out of there. It's time to leave.

Very cool that real actual magic just exists in TMA. Gertrude cast some kind of fucked up wizard spell and it worked.

Anyway this description was written by Jonny with the express purpose of making me, personally, upset by my inability to figure out when this is suppsoed to have happened. All the details are contradictory. The bottles are all filthy and old but the string is clean and new. The bottles have been here long enough to collect years worth of dirt and pine needles, but the collected rainwater hasn't boiled away despite the fact that that should take hours at most. Some of the photos have been boiled clean (how long would that take? a few days?) but others are is good enough condition to make out in detail despite being out in the wild for more than a decade.

Add this to the 50 year old trees and the freshly burned corpses of animals that all died at the same time (but were then preserved? somehow?) and I just want to grab Jonny and shake the answers out of him.

*banging two pots together* okay fanartists come out of your nooks and crevices, I need art of Gertrude with her cool and sexy new buzzcut hairstyle casting an insane spell out in the forest.

Okay I usually try to be pretty lenient on the statement-givers getting themselves in trouble because they find something weird and want to explore it more rather than noping the hell out. But c'mon dude. This is a far cry from finding a weird tunnel behind a fake wall or wanting to figure out if the ship you're on is actually hauling any cargo. This is some kind of cursed ritual circle surrounded by mutilated animal corpses and filled with impossibly boiling water. And you've already been burned badly enough that it took you half an hour to recover!! According to my parents you should be in hospital! There's obviously something very bad going on here, so what are you doing hanging around?? Seriously. What the fuck are you doing!! What are you doing!!! Just. Leave. And tell no one you were ever here.

I'm not saying Jason deserved what he got, but he didn't exactly try very hard to avoid it. If you mess with cursed shit, you might get cursed. That's pretty basic, no knowledge of the Entities required.

Still, this is much worse when we eventually learn that this wasn't just some sort of automatic process triggered by disturbing the circle. This was done by a Desolation avatar with a grudge.

Heartbreaking. You poor motherfucker. At least he did manage to save his son in the end, even if he had to sacrifice himself to do it. That must have taken an unfathomable amount of courage and strength of will.

Anyway this final statement really got to me because of how appropriate it feels to what Jon is going through. Didn't do anything, just doing his job and somehow stumbled into some kind of cursed nightmare. Doesn't deserve it, but is still going to lose everything. Desperately hanging onto the one thing left that he loves, and willing to sacrifice himself to protect it. So afraid.

God he sounds so tired. A combination of two statements in one day, all the excitement surrounding the table/the realisation that there were two possibly supernatural beings in the Archives without his knowledge, and just the general weeks of worm stress and months of new-job stress. He's probably also been avoiding sleep ever since realising that his nightmares are Real and Not Stopping. Now a statement from a man who was terrified right up until he killed himself without every really learning what was happening to him or why, and the implication that the last Archivist was involved in the supernatural somehow.

Good lord this man needs a hug.

@a-mag-a-day

Mag 37

So the tapes have caught bits and pieces of pertinent conversation before, but it has always been in the process of recording a statement. This is the first time that Jon feels compelled to record information that is not a statement, just in case. It's not a coincidence that this happens immediately after he gets the Web lighter.

Also it's extremely funny how done with this Martin sounds from his first word. How may times has Jon forced him to go through the same sparse details?

I've said it before but it's great that Breekon and Hope just look like delivery men. No notable features, just big, wearing delivery uniforms and speaking in fake accents. Sounds legit to me.

Yes, but consider this: what if you got into the business of destroying knowledge. Maybe that would be a good career move for you.

What is Elias playing at, prompting Jon to destroy the table? If the NotThem gets Jon he'll have to replace the Archivist and restart his ritual prep, so why take such a risky move to try and secure a Stranger mark? Why bother going for a Stranger mark in the first place, if he intends to throw Jon into the Unknowing soon enough anyway? Maybe he (incorrectly) assumes that Jon would have one of his assistants destroy the table instead of going all 'extended sounds of brutal pipe murder' on it himself. Maybe it's a test of some kind?

Or maybe I'm overthinking it and Elias just gets off on watching Jon fuck around and find out.

First time Martin expresses care/concern for Jon <3 They've definitely been spending more time together off-tape. They've got to be basically roomates at this point.

Also the prompt of 'go to sleep dumbass' help us place this in time. I definitely think this statement takes place immediately following the last (instead of with the normal week long gap). Jon ended that statement running off to talk to Martin and starts this one obviously having been speaking to him for some time. In the gap between tapes he has also interrogated Rosie, spoken with Elias and presumably been to see the table in Artefact Storage himself. I think it's safe to say that during the interim everyone else has gone home for the night and Martin and Jon are now alone in the Archives after hours again.

If I'm right about that timing it means that this is the first time we know of that Jon has read two statements in one day (depending on how canon you consider the liveshow to be, and whether or not it 'counts' if Jon reads a genuine statement off-tape as he does in that show). We know the statements can take a lot out of him, so that's got to be contributing to his general state of exhaustion.

Also I've dragged Jon before for recording statements onto tapes that are already running, but in all seriousness I think that at this point the Eye won't allow him to turn off a tape recorder for good without feeding it. Once a tape recorder is playing, it must receive a statement, no matter how confusing it will be for any students or academics using the tapes for research.

I wonder what kind of reputation the Magnus Institute has in the wider world? We know it's generally a bad one, but also we see so many statement-givers coming to the Institute for help. Is that motivated purely by desperation, or is there an idea in the general public consciousness that if you are having a supernatural problem of some sort that TMI can help? We know that the Institute only exists to observe and record and helping people is not on their agenda, but we do have confirmation of instances where they have helped the general public. I am thinking of Piecemeal, where Lee Rentoul talks about how they helped a friend of his who thought he was being haunted realise that he wasn't. Maybe the Institute only helps in cases that have no connection to the Entities? That probably makes the most sense.

Very cool how this statement starts out as if it could be Lonely before taking a sharp turn into Desolation territory. It's not about how alone he is, it's about how much he has to lose.

I can't remember, is this the place where Agnes was born? I know this is the site of Gertrude's binding spell, but did she find the site of Agnes's birth to do this? That would make sense and explain the altar stone in the centre. But I am a bit confused by the trees. They were deliberately planted 50 years ago? The binding would have happened around 12 years ago, so Gertrude didn't do that. It also would have been before she was Archivist? I have no idea when Agnes was born (I have a terrible head for dates) but wasn't it during a forest fire that would have decimated this entire area? I can't imagine that those Lightless Flame freaks were planting new trees afterward. Maybe they just grew on their own because of spooky reasons.

So I happen to be in the car with my parents (two retired nurses) as I'm typing this and asked them what would realistically happen to a guy who drank boiling water. They both absolutely fucking lost it.

Mum: Severe burns all over his mouth and throat! He'd be in absolute agony.

Dad: Not his throat, you'd never swallow.

Me: It doesn't say if he swallowed or not.

Dad: You couldn't. Not in that amount of pain.

Mum: Only if it was literally forced down him.

Me: So you'd need to be hospitalised?

Both: YES.

Mum: Immediately! Your mouth would be absolutely ruined; you wouldn't be eating anything without medical intervention.

Dad: And if there was anything in his throat there's no treatment for internal burns like that. They'd just have to give him antibiotics and hope.

Mum: But he wouldn't have swallowed boiling water, that would be insane. It would just be his mouth.

Me: This says he just lay down for about half an hour to get over the pain, then he sort of just kept going like normal.

Both: Not a chance.

[theclaravita]

More unorganized Pokeymans thoughts after an addition 10 hours.

The Team Star stuff is completely divorced from the typical PKMN gameplay loop and just does its own thing by telling a very simple story with cool characters.

The Titan questline is this heartfelt story about a kid, his shitty workaholic mother, and his emotional support dog.

Both have gameplay effects that are neat and satisfying (unlock your mount's abilities, including having it actually on your team; farm a ton of TMs, materials, and recipes to fine-tune your team's moveset) but both are also pretty nice stories.

The Team Star questline is insanely predictable and not very deep, but the characters are fun, quirky, and it's a story about reclaiming happiness after trauma.

The Titan questline makes me want to make a Sim named Arven and have him drown himself in a pool, but I kinda relate to him in a strange way, having been separated from my family for 20+ years.

And then you have Nemona.

Battlehorny, socially awkward, depth-of-a-spilled-cup-of-water Nemona.

She's annoying, her team sucks, she tells me shit that either is super obvious or straight-up wrong, and she serves no purpose to the story other than being this strange parallel to the character, while also somehow feeling utterly perpendicular.

Victory Road's questline was added SOLELY because it's the exact gameplay loop from other games. Nemona being a rival was added ONLY because every other game has had a rival character.

But a rival needs to be a challenge. Nemona has never been anything approaching a threat to me because she SPECIFICALLY PICKS THE STARTER THAT'S WEAK TO MINE. Why did they decide to take the role of Gary Motherfucking Oak, whose analog in the games would absolutely fucking DUNK on you if you weren't careful (seriously fuck that Arcanine), and turn that character into an annoying fleshsack who actively just kneels down and lets you kick her in the face, then BEGS FOR MORE???

Just commit to throwing out the old PKMN formula. Zelda did it and it was WILDLY successful. Keep the shit that works. Nix the rest. Add more shit that works. ??? Profit.

I would feel more excited about S/V if Team Star had twice as many bosses to beat and there were a handful more Titans I could find and fight alongside my douchey self-disowning camper boy.

Instead, I had to fight Depressed G-Man Half-Life and Pokimane's psychotic cousin so I could control the level 50 Jolteon I somehow caught with a fucking Quick Ball at level 25. lmfao

PKMN S/V's gym leaders feel REALLY braindead. They just use one move that hits like a fucking train over and over with no variation.

Psychic gym leader just spams Psychic. Ice gym leader spams Hurricane. It's fucking stupid and completely detracts from how complex and interesting PKMN's combat can be. It's just "Take 3/4 of your HP in damage from a neutral attack for no reason. Fuck you."

When the most viable strategy is Leftovers and spamming the liberal amount of Revives they throw at you constantly... You got a problem.

It's so far the only part of the game that feels badly designed. The trainer AI is just braindead and unfun to engage with. The Tera Raids are completely different, as are the Titan boss fights... The gyms kinda were just thrown in arbitrarily because ALL PKMN games have them. So this one does, too. :/

It would've been nice to flesh out the Titans or Team Star stuff and forgo Victory Road entirely if it's going to be this uninspired and a slog to engage with.

Just my two cents after 30+ hours.

[reniplier]

WKM incorrect quotes

Dark: You're not aloud to fall in love with Y/N

Illinois: Wont be a problem.

Illinois a few hours later: THERES A PROBLEM.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N:*shows up late for meeting*

Dark: You're late.

Y/N:You're stunning

Dark:

Dark:...You're forgiven

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford: Wait, what time is it? *Looks at microwave counting down*

Wilford: Fuck, its 36, Im late.

Y/N: Wil, no-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dark: I can't belive Mark betrayed us, why is it always the ones you expect the most?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dark: Y/N, have you ever considered having a child with me?

Y/N: You mean another one, because we already have three.

Dark: No...we dont?

Wilford, Yancy and Yan fighting over the same knife: Yeah. Dad, what're they talking about?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: Why do you have a picture of a narwhal on your wall?

Wilford: I just think mythical creatures are neat.

Y/N:

Y/N: Wilford, narwhals are real.

Wilford:

Wilford: NARWHALS ARE REAL?!?!?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: I hate you!

Dark: Oh yeah? Well, I hate you too!

Y/N: *tearing up* You what?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Yancy: Studies show that you are cute.

Y/N: source?

Yancy: Myself.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford: Sooo… what’s it like dating Y/N?

Illinois: Once, I asked them for a glass of water while they were pissed at me, and they brought me a glass full of ice and said “wait.”

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dark: I’ve been dropping subtle hints that I have a crush on Y/N.

Y/N: (walks past Dark)

Dark: (ignores them)

Dark: That went pretty well.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Actor: *enters the room*

Dark: Ah fuck! See I thought I was gonna have a happy day but then you walked in.

Wilford: What’d did he do?

Dark: Bitch gotta exist.

Y/N: *turns to Actor* Why would you do that?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dark: (puts a piece of bread on both sides of your face)

Dark: What are you?

Y/N: Yours!

Dark while tearing up and voice cracking: Lame-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford: What are your kinks?

Yancy: This is kinda out there, but... love and support from people who love me as much as I love them.

Wilford: Corny. Anyways, I wanna be choked-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: I wish I was a royalty.

Actor: You're my ruler, and this is our realm.

Y/N: *looking around the Mansion* This kingdom sucks.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Yan: I invited you here because I crave the deadliest game.

Y/N,who spends too much time around Wilford.: Knife monopoly.

Yan: I was actually gonna hunt you down for sport, but now I’m really interested in whatever knife monopoly

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: Well,fuck me if I'm wrong but-

Actor: You're wrong.

Y/N: But-

Actor: *taking off his robe* YOU'RE WRONG.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford, at the zoo with Y/N: (pointing to the closest animal) What are they in for?

Y/N: You know this isn’t a prison, right?

Wilford: So they can just leave?

Y/N: Well...no.

Wilford: (pointing at a penguin) I bet that one’s in for murder.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Actor: *crying*

Dark: Mark, whats wrong?

Actor: I don’t want to talk about it.

Dark: Thank god, because-

Actor: It all started years ago...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: Why are you always so gloomy?

Dark: My tragic backstory only unlocks at friendship level: 3

Y/N: What level am I?

Dark: 58, so it all started when-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford: *Pulls out a knife*

Y/N: Oh no.

Wilford: *Opens a box with it*

Y/N: oh okay.

Wilford: *Pulls a gun out of the box*

Y/N: Oh NO-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: I am seeing someone, but I am worried about telling you who, because you are not gonna like it.

Dark: Just rip the bandage off, Y/N, it can't be that bad.

Y/N: It's Mark.

Dark: Put the bandage back on.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dark: STOP USING Y/N AS A PUPPET.

Wilford: *swing Y/Ns arms back and fourth* BRING ME A SANDWICH, BITCH!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Actor: I’m ignoring you.

Y/N:

Actor: I said I’m ignoring you!

Y/N:

Actor: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: I’m willing to do a lot of things.

Y/N: But admitting to Dark that I’m cold after he told me to bring a jacket is not one of them.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Actor: It’s not stalking. I’m just trying to create a situation where Y/N gets used to seeing me in their world!

Yancy: Stalking.

Actor: No. Casual random encounters.

Dark: Which you engineer – and it’s called stalking.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Yancy: I need you

Y/N: For?

Yancy: Ever.

Y/N: *tearing up* oh-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford: I’d rather kill Actor than watch Y/N cry.

Y/N, vaguely upset: Hey guys, I sorta had a bad day-

Wilford, loading a gun: Motherfucker better be prepared to take his last breath.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Illinois: Listen kid-

Y/n: Please, call me Y/n.

Illinois: I'd really rather not. If I named you, I could get attached.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: I've got my scooter. I've got my boys.

Google: We are not their boys.

Everyone else in the mansion: Yes, yes we are.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: Hey Wilf, can I go out with Yan?

Wilford: What did Dark say?

Y/N: He said no.

Wilford: Then why would I say yes?

Y/N: Because he’s not the boss of you.

Wilford, thinking.: This is a trap. This is a trap. This is a trap. This is a tr-

-----------------------------------------------------------

Yancy: Y/N, you know Dark will never agree to this plan.

Y/N: Sure he will!

Yancy: I've already asked him three times, he won't do it

Y/N: Let me try

Y/N: *walks up to Dark* Can we-

Dark: Yes.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N: I have been building Bings trust for years with high-fives. Today I’m going to hit him with a “too slow.”

Y/N: Welcome to the real world, kid.

Google: *tearing up* Thats my s/o.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wilford: I’m 50% intelligence, 80% power, and 70% a natural hero.

Google: That’s 200% percent.

Wilford: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Reddit 4/20/22

“ I grew this crystal from scrap copper and vinegar. It's called copper acetate, and it took 7 months to grow.” “Still makes more sense than religion.” “Wow, it even grew a hair!” “Why the gloves?“ “I don’t think you’re lying. But I still don’t believe you.” “So you specifically took the peanut butter, that got confiscated on the plane, just to use as a dip for the airplane cookies they serve?” “Don't expect perfection from yourself. Just always do better.“ “One manslaughter is another man's laughter.” “How many hours of sleep have you lost to this one?“ “I’m going to be thinking about your missed opportunity while trying to sleep tonight.” “When you get older, a tactical wank is waiting a really long time between wanks so you can save that dick energy for your partner.“ "The way I raised my eyebrows slightly after asking them their favourite type of cheese might have been a little too much. What a useless, stupid motherfucker I actually am. I deserve to die alone." “A girl whistled at me when I had my shirt off during summer when I was 17. I'm still riding that high and I turn 30 this year.“ “Why you feeding the wildlife?“ “That’s a big ass chicken.” “Looks like a big, angry warrior chicken.” “That’s a really well-drawn cat for a kindergartner.” “Who wants a co-worker’s leftover meat anyway?” “This is the future! The apex of sandwich making! Your grand kids will be eating this futuristic Mother of a sandwich!!!” “What is the best strategy for eating this?” “Yeah the bread needs to be convex not concave, give me a Christmas ham covered a layer of bread 1 slice deep, just a fucking sphere.” “I make a sandwich I like to call the triple bacon deluxe where I push a bacon bit into the middle of an unsliced loaf of whole wheat.” “ Must the sapling bear fruit the moment it rises from the earth?” “ I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this.” “ I’m writing this down for my therapist.” “ For a long time now I've had the sense that I just don't belong on this world any more.” “This douchebag knocked up all of my cats.” “ Yeah, if I was a cat I would follow him around.” “ Someone traveled back in time to create this I swear!” "Dude, that's not a dog. I don't even know what the fuck that is." “ The first things our ancestors did was breed the human faces out of dogs to make them more palatable.” “ Yeah, I couldn't eat something with a human face on it either.” “ No such thing as an ugly animal!” “ So that's what Japanese people's private parts are made of!” “ Whatever that is, you’re not supposed to see it!” “ I'll give you two carrots for that.” “A handful of seeds, take it or leave it.” “Is this the future?” “ Potato politics are universal.” “You can't tell where green ends and blue begins - therefore colours don't exist.” “ What a color blind IDIOT” “ Yeah why don't you just see colors, STUPID” “ If I ever need to quit somewhere  I hate, I'm going to microwave butter lovers popcorn and salmon for 50 minutes before i walk out the door.” “ I never liked eating paper towels, but you're saying that if I microwave them, they'll get salty and tasty?” “ Take sex at face value: sticking a slim organ used for urination into a flesh pocket permanently covered in some (varying) amount of bodily fluids between the only 2 waste disposal “openings”.” “ Feel sorry for any innocent bystanders!” “ Not the fluids you expect to get hit by when you see someone laying on train tracks.” “Could someone tell me what breed this kitten is?” "Just shoot it and burn the corpse." “The worry is child kidnapping.” “ A signal is received from space. Scientists spend the whole thing panicking about it and the military goes on alert and there's panic and chaos and then someone deciphers it and it's a recipe for potato salad. Then the potato salad becomes self-aware and a renegade soldier thrown out of his top grade position of chief tough guy is forced to fight the mayonnaise covered menace.”

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 01

(Masterpost) (Next Episode)

Warning: This is **FULL **of spoilers, not just for this episode but for the entire series. If you haven’t finished all 50 episodes, please don’t read it! 

Intro: 2020 continues to be much much too much while also being incredibly boring, and Im done with Shen Wei’s Lewks, so now I’m doing a deep meta dive into the Untamed. Let’s roll! 

Prologue: The Battle of Mordor

The Demise of our Protagonist

Unlike some other shows I won’t name, The Untamed kills its suicidal queer protagonist immediately, rather than waiting four seasons, so we know what we're in for. 

This is Wei Wuxian, who is about to yeet himself off of a cliff. He is having a bad day. 

Note: if mouth blood bothers you...C-Drama might not be your thing. 

Reasons for mouth blood: a sampler

Anyway...cliff time

Note: if (fictional) suicide bothers you...C-Drama might not be your thing. 

To be fair there are hardly any suicides in The Untamed. No more than ...five? As long as you don’t count the entire population of the Wen Corporate Headquarters in Yiling or those wall bandits in Qinghe or Madame Yu or all those Wens who supposedly threw themselves into the mud puddle or that Mo guy who broke his own neck. Plus watching Wei Wuxian’s cliff drop several more times from multiple angles. So, you know. Hardly Any Suicides. 

This is Lan Wangji, who is about to have his first losing encounter with physics. He is having a bad day.

In fact, if it is possible to have a worse day than the guy who is currently falling to his death, Lan Wangji is having that.

This is Jiang Cheng, who is feeling extra stabby from this camera angle. He is having a bad day.

Camera operator: why you gotta take it out on me? 

(Much, much more after the cut!)

The Amulet Situation

This is the Stygian Tiger Amulet. Yes, by all means, (Netflix) subtitles, let's use a 12-dollar word, “Stygian,” that every English speaker who is not a Shelley/Byron shipper will have to look up. Let’s not use a normal word like "deathly" or "corrupt" or you know... "Yin" which is clearly what they are saying on screen.

Why does this tiger amulet look like a chameleon crossed with a remora? Wei Wuxian can paint photorealistic bunnies on a flimsy lantern while sitting in a field having distracting teenage lust, but two months of meditating with super magic gets him a tiger that looks like a chameleon. And don’t try telling me this is a traditional-Chinese-art vibe because this jade tiger from frickin 1000 BCE is way more tigerish than Wei Wuxian’s attempt. 

Try harder next time, Wei Wuxian.

This is thousands of cultivators having a battle.  What do you mean, it looks like about 40-60 dudes?

 Any time someone in The Untamed refers to a number of people, it is like when you do your high school play and look off into the wings at nothing and say “Hark, A Ship Approaches!” and everyone’s parents nod indulgently.

Jin Clan Mountain Hunt:

*viewership nods indulgently*

This is Captain Blowhard, over on the right, courtesy name Clan Leader Yao. His job is to talk smack about Wei Wuxian and stick up for whoever is the biggest asshole in any given scene.  

He represents mainstream cultivation-world values so here he is shanking one of his allies to take the deadly amulet of evilness.

The Present Day

Spilling All That Yiling Laozu Tea

Down at the Exposition Tea Shop, the Lan juniors are chilling and listening to Tea Dude tell the story of Yiling Laozu. 

How did they get permission to take this field trip? “Principal Qiran, we want to go downtown to hang out with the local rabble and learn about your favorite person, Wei Wuxian.”

Waiting in the wings is the man with a fan and a plan, Nie Huaisan(g), who is paying tall loot to get these stories told.  

...Why? Is Mo Xuanyu having tea here and listening? Or is Wei Wuxian being summoned back by hearing all this smack being talked about him? *Shrug.*

Gank Your Soul

Drunk flag guy out here talking about spirits. Wikipedia tells me that In one school of Daoist thought, a human being has a collection of physical souls (魄 pò) and ethereal souls (魂 hún). Drunk flag guy is saying “hún ” at the moment. 

The many types of souls don’t translate well into English, where spiritual vocabulary has always been shackled connected to Christian beliefs, and is too limited for this context. So when the subtitles have conversations like “Is it a soul eater? No, no, it’s a spirit taker!” just roll with it. (Speaking of hún, if you have any interest in linguistics, do yourself a favor and go read all the wonderful meta @hunxi-guilai​)

The spirit-carrying flag looks a lot like Raava and Vaatu from Korra which...probably doesn’t mean anything.

The Demise of our Trill Host

Suicide #2 happens about 8 minutes in. 

Mo Xuanyu is that hippie roommate with the annoying wind chimes and bead curtains and blood spatter.

He is super mad at his terrible family and also at Jin Guangyao, who sent him home to his terrible family. I wonder if Fan Man Nie Huaisang influenced Jiggy’s decision-making there. Mo Xuanyu’s choice to die for revenge might be excessive, given how easy it actually is to murder the Mo family.

Being Alive Is Fine I Guess As Long As I Get To Fuck WIth People

Wei Wuxian starts his new life by splashing a little water on his face, which instantly makes his hair go from this

to this. 

He looks at his reflection and wishes he was dead, which--mood--but he gets over it as soon as he finds someone whose day he can fuck up.

And he is ALL in on being crazy. 

OP wishes she had the Wei Wuxian kind of crazy instead of the kind she actually has. 

Meanwhile, this is the sane Mo cousin:

This asshole is wearing one of the best fabrics in the whole show, incidentally. Asshole.

My favorite bit of Wei-Mo craziness is when Wei Wuxian does a meaningless 360 all the way around this dude before ducking in the opposite direction, which is like when I make 4 right turns around a whole block to avoid making a single left across traffic.

Perhaps I Do Miss One Thing In This Life

Wei Wuxian has pining thoughts about Lan Wangji, so he plays WangXian on a fucking blade of grass well enough for Sizhui to recognize it from his dad's guqin jams. 

Wei Wuxian is a better flautist than even Inspector Gadget BeatBoxing Flute Guy (Google it).

Our Many Many Spirit Lure Flags have Lured A Spirit, Oh Shit

Lan Clan has a Plan and Wei Wuxian is a Fan

Having one single lure flag stuck in Wen Ning’s torso caused spirits to basically eat him alive, so to catch one evil spirit, 6 disciples holding flags on the roof plus 8 more flags on the ground seems like a good amount. Wei Wuxian is like “yep, a single one of these will lure every spirit for five miles, carry on, younglings.”

Baxia Does the Heavy Lifting

Wei Wuxian is supposed to kill four people because of this curse situation, and in the course of the series they all die, and he kills exactly zero of them. The curse on Wei Wuxian’s arm should be called the scorekeeper curse. 

Baxia’s spirit pinballs around the Mo clan, rapidly killing three people on Mo Xuanyu’s list plus a couple extras for good measure.  Who's a good blade? Baxia is! Yess you are! Yes you are!

This here is the exact point in the show where your friend, who has listened to you squee about The Untamed for three months and finally agreed to watch it with you, will say “what the fuck am I watching?” and try to get up off the couch. Tackle them! 

This also the point where we all realize that the prosthetic and practical effects in this show were probably not made by the people who made the clothing, because the quality is...variable. The white eyeballs are pretty good, but the glove of death is ridiculous.

Camera operator: why you gotta take it out on me?

While Baxia goes to town on the Mo clan, the Lan Clan babies...watch? And tie up the various victims after they are already goners. 

Narrator: Her son is dead.

Meanwhile, 

Wei Wuxian, you motherfucker. You’ve been alive for like 7 hours and you’re already building a new zombie army. No wonder you don’t want them to call Lan Wangji.

Hanguang-Jun Cut It Up One Time

Lan Wangji shows up and very slowly kicks zombie ass with his guqin. If you are used to Hong Kong action speeds, you will find The Untamed very peaceful.

 All of the baby Lans fan squee up at Lan Wangji like he's the cultivation world's David Bowie and...they're not wrong. Jesus Fuck, he’s charismatic.

Lan Wangji is soft boi when he discovers this murderous sword full of dead-bastard energy, because it reminds him of his true love.

Like the talk about souls, the conversations about the nature of the murderous entity really don’t survive translation into English.

Servant: it’s a ghost! 

WWX: it’s not a ghost, it’s a spirit

Babies: It’s a spirit

LWJ: it’s not a spirit, it’s a [...] ghost

Our Protagonist gets the FOH

Wei Wuxian is soft boi when he sees Lan Wangji, but not so soft that he considers actually, like, sticking around. 

Wei Wuxian is also clueless boi, noting Lan Wangji’s white clothing and thinking, as in the past, that he looks like he’s dressed in mourning. The term he uses is 戴孝, which google tells me means the type of outfit worn by Jiang Yanli after Wen Ning rips her husband’s heart out someone who is in mourning. 

Actually, Wei Wuxian, you dumbass, he is in actual mourning, actually, for you. Dumbass. He probably packed away all of his blue outer robes 16 years ago and only takes them out occasionally to reminisce about that nice date you had on your mountain of corpses. 

On his way out the door Wei Wuxian manages to find a red ribbon for his beautiful hair, so things are looking up. 

Where to go next...hey I know, how about that one haunted mountain with the killer statue, you know, the one that all my executed friends and child came from? That’ll be fun and a great way to put the past behind me!

Episode 02 Restless Rewatch is here!

[touyasdoll]

Complicated - Chapter Two

Chapter One: Here

Pairing: Dabi/Touya Todoroki x reader

Warnings: self-degradation/self-doubt

Word count: 2.2k

A/n: Gonna rework this and ditch the first person POV, jsyk.

A/n pt. 2: This story does contain spoilers for the show/manga. The dates/ages of characters are going to be shifted around a bit.

------------------

It's been two days. Is he gonna call? Text? Completely forget I exist?

I sigh, trying to expel the anxiety balled up in the pit of my stomach.

Why would he call? We talked for, what, five minutes? He seemed older too. You were in your damn school uniform, idiot. He's obviously got more important shit to do than chat up a schoolgirl who can't mind her own fucking business.

"Ugh," I groan to no one but myself in my apartment. "I'm really just the biggest fucking jackass, aren't I?"

Flopping down on my bed, I let out another weighty sigh and bury my face in the plethora of pillows piled beneath me.

Relax. Maybe he'll text. Maybe he won't. And if he doesn't he's just sparing you the embarrassment that you would inevitably bring upon yourself.

A yawn escapes my lips as I feel a wave of drowsiness wash over me. Glancing at the clock, I could see it was hardly 5 PM.

Fucked up sleep schedule, here I come.

The familiar comfort of my bed allows me to quiet my thoughts enough to fall into a shallow sleep, until I'm startled awake by a vibrating sensation coming from underneath my chin.

I blink against the harsh light emitting from my phone, squinting to see who was disturbing me.

What the--oh shit!

It was an unknown number. Recognizing that it could be him, I sit up faster than I have ever managed to after a nap and fumble the phone into my palm, eagerly sliding my thumb across the screen to accept the call.

"Hello?"

My breath hitches and I bite my lip in anticipation as I wait, eager to hear his deep, silky voice on the other end.

But the pause on the other side of the line seems just a little too long. Something is off.

Is this him? Is it..just some creep? A prank? What the hell?

"We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."

My eyes slam shut, a shake reverberating through my spine as a cocktail of anger and embarrassment wash over me.

That's it. Hope is off limits from now on.

"Fucking great."

I tap the end button, half ready to throw my phone out the window.

Instead, I decide to check and see if I missed anything else while I was out.

Hope is off limits.

I shake my head, trying to erase the little embers of hope that persist, praying that maybe he did reach out.

To my surprise, there's a text from an unrecognized number.

Unknown: You free tonight, doll?

Holy shit.

Looking above the message, I see: Today 6:58 PM. I wince as I dare to look at the clock, which mercifully reads 7:26 PM.

Tapping the text box, I don't give myself the chance to overthink this opportunity.

Me: For you? Sure thing.

Tossing my phone onto the bed, I nod my head, processing the sudden burst of confidence I seem to have found.

I'm not like this. What is it about this guy? He's just that--a guy. One that I don't know. And now I'm just gonna meet up with him?

He's literally a stranger. Who the hell do I think I am?? Is my vagina just running things now? Gonna run out and meet up with some strange dude, because he's pretty and charming?

You know who else was pretty and charming?? Ted Bundy.

That's right, you said it. This is dumb, logically. This is everything everyone’s ever warned you about.

My phone buzzes and my heart rate spikes in response, tearing me from my spiraling doubts.

Unknown: Our spot. 30 minutes. See you there.

A noise that I've certainly never made before eeks past my lips as I process his instructions.

Fuck it. The possibility of this guy being a serial killer has been assessed. I'm going, risks be damned.

You're an idiot. You're an idiot. You're an idiot.

I sigh for the umpteenth time today, waging war in my own mind.

I don't know what it is about him, but I have to see him again. Nothing bad is going to happen. It'll be fine.

That's what I tell myself as I exhale, until I catch my reflection.

My hair is disheveled, my mascara askew. I didn't even bother to take off my uniform before I passed out.

As if I weren't flustered enough, now I gotta make myself looking somewhere near presentable and get down there in time.

Here goes nothing.

Fifteen minutes fly by and I think I've managed it as I step back to look myself over in the mirror once more.

The shortest pair of high-waisted shorts I own, paired with a low-cut black crop top and my favorite slip-ons. My make-up doesn't look perfect and there's not much of it, but it's touched up, and my hair is at least brushed.

Okay, no turning back now.

Grabbing my keys, I tuck my phone in my back pocket and make my way to the meeting place.

+++++++++++++++

Our spot. The man is smooth and I think that he knows it.

I re-read the last message he sent for probably the thirteenth time in the past five minutes.

The clock in the corner of the screen reads 8:02.

Maybe he won’t show. Maybe this is a joke. He and his buddies with come around a corner and laugh as they speed off.

Damn, can I chill? No. He’s going to be here. And I’m going to act like a human fucking being. A normal girl. Someone he could like; I’m capable of that.

Aren’t I?

Scanning my surroundings yet again, I take in the scenery. I never really get out at night, but the city looks so pretty this way. There’s not too much traffic, especially considering that it’s a Friday night, but there are some people milling about up and down the sidewalk. Some look like they’re on their way home. Some look like they’re on their way out for a night on the town.

“Hey there.”

My eyes are quick to follow the sound of his voice. I look up and he’s strolling up to the bench where I’m seated, the same one where I bandaged his arm the other day.

His hands are shoved in his front pockets, thumbs pushed through the belt loops of the tight, black jeans he’s sporting. His white t-shirt dangles off of his frame in a way that suits him, offering a glimpse of his muscular chest. A black coat completes his ensemble and he certainly looks the part of the typical bad boy.

But, damn, does it look so good on him.

“Hey, there. How’s the arm?”

I scoot over a bit, allowing for ample space between us if he were to take a seat. To my surprise, he sits towards the middle of the bench, so that his thigh brushes against mine as he settles.

I tuck my hair behind my ear, glancing down and covering the noise I want to make with a quiet clearing of my throat.

“It’s good. You do make a pretty decent nurse, sweetheart.”

He grins and pulls his coat sleeve back, revealing the still bandaged wound.

“Wait, have you changed that?”

You’re such a mom. You better hope he’s into MILFs, because otherwise this ain’t gonna get you where you wanna go, girl.

His brow furrows in an expression that tells me all I need to know before he even speaks.

“What do you mean? Changed what?”

A quiet sigh leaves my lungs as I hold out my hand.

“May I?”

His puzzled expression doesn’t falter, but he shrugs and offers his forearm up for inspection.

Carefully, I pull back the tape holding the bandages together and slowly begin to unwrap them.

That is, until the smell hits me. I barely catch of glimpse of the reddened skin before my nostrils detect the scent of burned flesh and excess viscera.

“Oh, dear. Have you even unwrapped this thing?”

Trying not to agitate anything further, I delicately wrap the bandages back around his arm, taping them down once again.

“No, should I have?”

I look up and my gaze meets his, a sense of true ignorance evident in his expression; I try not to laugh. I really try, but a soft giggle escapes nonetheless.

“Yes! I mean, if it doesn’t hurt, I’m sure it’s not that bad right now, but you should be cleaning and redressing a wound like that once every 12 hours at the very least. It’s been what, like, at least 50 at this point?”

His good arm reaches for the back of his neck, scratching at it as he dons an apologetic half smile.

“Sorry, I’m not exactly nurturing by nature, doll. I don’t know the first fucking thing about this kind shit.”

I cock a sympathetic smile as I look at him, sitting there looking almost helpless. I guess he is, in a sense. It’s actually kinda cute how he doesn’t seem to have an inkling of how to properly care for himself.

Because that’s absolutely what you want in a potential relationship. Someone to fix, how fun! Why not open up a shop for broken boys? Girl, when will you learnnn??

“Well, I don’t have anything on me right now, but if you don’t mind coming back to my place, I could clean it up there? And I’ll teach you how to keep up with it this time.”

I guess not today, motherfucker.

“Coming to my rescue again. You must be in a hero course, huh, doll?”

His smile is so naturally disarming as he stands and offers his hand out before me.

“I don’t mind, if you’re sure you don’t. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable and I don’t wanna be a burden. I didn’t ask you out tonight for you to have to play doctor on me again.”

He seems so sweet, so genuine. Maybe he is broken, but everyone deserves kindness. He looks like he hasn’t seen much of that. And as cliché as it is, maybe I can help him. Maybe he can help me.

I slip my hand in his, smiling as flirtatiously as I can manage as he pulls me to my feet.

“I don’t mind. I was kind of hoping I might get to play doctor on you again anyway. Maybe you could even return the favor.”

I brush my fingers against his as our hands disconnect, taking a page from his own book and watching his expression as my skin glides against his.

Or maybe we could just do this. This works too. No muss, no fuss. But oh my goodness what if what I just did was weird and he’s not even interested??

His eyebrows rise for just a moment as he chuckles and glances down, still grinning as he puts his hands in his coat pockets.

“Well, sweetheart, I don’t know much about medicine, but I do know how to give a pretty thorough physical exam.”

Something twitched deep inside my belly as my breath caught in my throat and I damn near tripped over my own two feet as we started walking.

Thankfully, his reflexes were quicker than my inate ability to fuck things up and his good arm reached out to steady my frame as he stepped in front of me.

The delicious scent of his cologne mingling with remnant cigarette smoke nearly made me dizzy as my hands connected with his chest, now completely unable to ignore the muscles just beneath his thin shirt.

“You all right there, doll?”

Long, slender fingers find their way under my chin. His thumb just barely brushing the edge of my bottom lip as he strokes it over my chin.

His eyes are practically piercing mine as he carefully lifts my face to his. Who knew being in such close proximity to someone so beautiful could be this paralyzing.

Holy fuck. Forget fixing me. He can break me and I’ll probably thank him for it.

The strong hand on the small of my back threatens to rob me of my breath all over again and I have to fight to keep any semblance of composure in his arms.

“Yeah.” I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and will myself to break eye contact. “You always have girls falling for you this quickly?”

I pity laugh at my own joke, wishing my quirk was something that would allow me to disappear.

But then he’s chuckling too. It’s melodious at first, but then it morphs into a deep reverberation that sends all the right chills down my spine as I level my eyes with his again.

He looks like an enigma personified. His eyes look so gentle and warm, but his smile reads so sad. The words that leave his lips sound like both a warning and an invitation to my flushe red ears.

“Trust me, princess. You don’t wanna fall for me. I’m no good for you.”

Oh, but it’s too late for that.

[mediocre--writing]

I loved your childhood friends ask! I have a headcannon that when they grow up and get to high school, Billy has a hard time because Steve is seeking out girls whereas Billy just wants him. Billy would definitely cry to his mom about it, especially when Nancy comes into the picture, his head in her lap as she plays with his hair and tries to soothe his broken heart and sobs. How could he fall in love with his straight childhood best friend?

it wasn’t steve’s fault.

billy had to keep reminding himself that it was in no way steve’s fault.

but as he sat in the camaro, waiting for steve to get out of his house, billy could see steve twirling the phone cord around his fingers while he blushed and talked to someone.

billy had been there for almost ten minutes. and steve had seen him, even waved at him, and was usually so punctual about leaving the house.

but it took a total of 25 minutes for steve to hang up the phone and come out to billy’s car.

“nance was talking to me about that party friday, you know the one? but yeah she wanted us to go together and so...”

“so you wanna drive her to the party. steve, she’s your girl, you gotta take her,”

steve sighed out in relief, “we’ll go to the next one together, b, alright?”

“of course,”

they hung out that afternoon but billy didn’t feel as up for it as he was when he was getting ready.

steve was constantly talking about nancy or the party and what he should wear. billy wanted to beat his face in.

it wasn’t for any other reason than he was being annoying. steve and billy were hanging out. that was the plan. it wasn’t steve, billy, and the constant thought of nancy wheeler hanging out.

they drove around for a while, which was nice, and they sang to music, and billy felt settled by steve’s semi-raspy singing voice.

he felt a bit better about losing steve to nancy until he went to drop steve off. it wasn’t anything that happened, just what he said:

“thanks for being so cool about the party. maybe nance and i can introduce you to heather, she’s super nice and i think she likes you!”

billy forced an easy smile on his face while he looked at steve, “sure, t, that would be nice,”

then steve left and billy waited until he got into the house before driving off like a bat outta hell.

he didn’t go straight home. he went to the gas station, filled up the tank, bought three packs of cigarettes, and a candy bar before driving around for the remainder of the night, until about 12.

steve never listened anymore.

in the car, billy had been talking about how he had found a second job at the pool and his coworker, heather, was really sweet.

then steve brings her up at the end of the night like he came up with her out of nowhere? did he not listen to a word billy had said all night?

and nancy. nancy prissy-motherfucker wheeler.

who does she think she is? ramming her way into their group, pretending to be all shy and sweet and cutesy when she just wants steve.

and the way she thinks she’s better than everyone because she’s taking next-grade level clases.

well guess what, wheeler, so am i!! you’re nothing special!!

as billy finished off the last cigarette of the second pack, he reached into the passenger seat to grab for the third pack when he realized how shaky his hands were.

glancing around the car, he noted that it was 11:45, three and a half hours since he’d left steve’s house. and he was going 94 on a shady backroad.

billy loved the feel of speeding, but knew his mother would whip his ass if he did.

rather than open a new pack, billy decreased his speed (to 70, but it was better than 100) and started driving home.

he rolled all the windows down completely, hopefully getting some of the smell out.

when he’d pulled into his driveway, his mom was standing on the porch, trying to shove the key into the lock while balancing her purse, diner leftovers, and another bag in her arms.

billy quickly got out of the car, leaving the pack of cigarettes in there and grabbing the candy bar before walking up the steps and taking the takeout boxes out of her hands.

“thank you, sweet boy,” she smiled as she finally got the key in the lock

they walked into the house quietly, setting all of their stuff down.

billy discarded his jacket in the coat closet while she had gone to change out of her diner uniform into comfy pajamas.

billy moved to the kitchen to take plates and cups down, setting them on the dining table suit for three people, maximum.

he opened the take out boxes and moved each of their dinners onto plates before filling the glasses with ice and water.

“thank you, baby,”

she pecked him on the forehead as he sat down at the table, then took her normal seat and began eating.

“how was your day?”

“better than yours,”

billy’s face scrunched up a little at her comment as she took a bite of her burger.

“you still smell like smoke, plus you were meeting with steve at 6, so you’ve been out for quite a while...”

“it’s nothing to worry about,” billy kept holding his burger rather than take a bite out of it, the smoking having ruined his appetite.

“billy,”

“promise, it’s nothing to worry about,”

“alright. don’t you both have that party friday?”

“why does everyone care about this stupid party!?” billy said, louder than he meant to.

“who’s ‘everyone’?”

“nobody, mom,”

“oooh, you’re all grumpy, calling me ‘mom’ and shit. why don’t you check the attitude by tomorrow morning, mkay?”

billy nodded and took a bite of his food, “sorry,”

“it’s alright, but you can’t get angry at me for something i didn’t do, billy,”

billy nodded and she got up to clear her finished plate, rinsing it then coming back to where billy was still eating.

she held his face gently in her hands and placed a long kiss on his forehead, “try to get a good nights sleep, hon,”

she walked to the back of the house, where her bedroom was, and shut the door, leaving billy with most of his dinner still on his plate and heaviness in his heart.

billy made it through the rest of the school week. the weather was warming up, nearing the end of the school year, and the days were pretty easy.

but he was avoiding steve. well, really, he was avoiding the priss, and since she was always with steve, he was avoiding him by default.

and it didn’t feel any better avoiding steve when every time he did see him, he was holding flowers for her, or picking her up from behind, or talking real close to her face all sweet.

the worst part was that steve didn’t seem all to fazed by not seeing billy those four days.

and it hurt. it hurt that, apparently, steve meant more to billy than billy meant to steve. it hurt that the priss could replace billy so quickly.

and so billy was getting agitated. his mom kept working late shifts and billy was working on training for his lifeguard job and homework and it all felt like too much was going on and he didn’t have steve there to distract him.

so, by complete accident, he got into a fight. a big one. with a senior.

for a junior, billy could probably pass as an actual adult, and had the muscles and fighting skills to prove it.

the senior wasn’t too far off either, though.

billy got knocked into (by accident) in the hall while he was watching steve and the priss and just... snapped.

he and the boy were both losers of the fight, neither looking better than the other and neither having been declared winner. plus, they were both marched off to the principals office at the end of the day.

billy, out of the corner of his eye, saw steve watching him get marched off to the front offices, but didn’t care to look and see his face.

more so, the disappointment that would be there. steve hated when he got angry and fought. he hadn’t gotten into a fight since freshman year, so what happened now?

billy’s mom, having been called in from work, seemed as if she was on fire when she came into the building.

she was a taller woman, had broad shoulders and a glare that rivaled billy’s. in short, she was intimidating as fuck (even in her cute 50s work uniform)

billy couldn’t look her in the eye.

after they’d finished with the principal (two day suspension for both boys), billy and his mom walked out to his car.

“where’d you park?” billy grumbled.

“i had christopher drop me off so i could make sure that you would be going straight home after this,”

they made it to the blue camaro, both standing on the drivers side door.

“mom—“

“keys!” she held her hand out and billy stared at her, “now!”

he fumbled in his jean jacket pocket before handing her the keys, walking around to the passenger door and getting in.

they drove the speed limit the whole way home, not talking and not listening to music. just the rumble of the engine as they sat in silence, both seething with different types of anger.

they pulled up to the house, both getting out and going to the door, unlocking it and billy tried storming off to his room before he was called back.

“what!”

“first of all, loose the ‘tude,” she gestured for him to sit on the couch as she walked back and forth in front of the coffee table. “second of all, no party friday.

“now, what the hell is wrong with you? huh? i didn’t raise you to punch a kid for accidentally bumping you in the hall and i most definitely never taught you to talk back to me!

“i get it, billy. we all have bad days or weeks or whatever but we don’t scream at other people or start fights because we feel angry! do you understand that?”

“yes, ma’am,”

“now, why don’t you tell me why you’ve been all ‘hormonal teenager’ for the past week. well, the past month you’ve been weird, so start from the beginning,”

billy took a few deep breaths, “mom, i really don’t wanna—“

“no, we’re gonna talk. i took the whole day off work so we could fix this, so we are gonna talk and we are gonna figure this out, because you’re not you, billy. you are sweet and smiley and funny and you’ve been a little shit recently,”

billy smiled a little bit at his moms crude language, something most parents would frown upon.

“i’m pretty sure that steve and i aren’t really friends anymore. not like we used to be, at least,” billy scrunched up his nose, a tell that meant he was pretending he wasn’t about to start crying.

“why do you think that? you and steve are inseparable, have been since the day you met,”

“he got a girlfriend,” billy was staring just over his mom’s head, pretending he was looking at her. “and he hasn’t been...”

“hasn’t been what?”

he rolls his eyes, “i’m gonna sound like an asshole,”

“you are a little asshole, just say it,”

“he doesn’t pay attention to me anymore. all he talks about is the priss and how their relationship is going. i love him, mom, you know i do, but i can’t hear another word about her! i hate her!”

“why? is she mean to steve?”

“not mean mean, but, like, i talked to some of the guys we hang out with and they think steve’s been weird recently too. he doesn’t do anything without her and he’s different. i can’t explain it, he’s just not the same steve,”

“billy, it’s his first love, he’s gonna be all sappy for her and forget about his friends, it’s just how it is most of the time,”

“no! it’s not ‘just how it is’ because steve and i aren’t just friends, we’re closer and she’s just pulling him away! he doesn’t even care that she is!”

“billy,”

“you don’t understand!”

“i do, i get it completely, but you’re teenagers and you’re gonna get upset. i’m surprised you and steve have made it this far without having a big fight yet,”

“but we aren’t supposed to have big fights! he’s supposed to listen to me and i’m supposed to listen to him! we get each other and he knows me better than anyone! he’s not like my other friends, he’s—he’s steve—and i can’t loose him, mom,

“he was the first kid i really got to hang out with when you kicked dad out, and he helped me through that. we’re close! i can’t just lose him now, after everything!”

“billy, baby,” he looked up to her, teary eyes and all, “what are you really thinking about right now?”

“i think... i think i like steve, like, i like like steve,”

“i know, baby,”

billy’s head shot up to look at her eyes, “you—“

“billy, you’ve loved steve since the day you met, it’s harder not to notice,”

billy starts breathing deeper then, and his mom moves to sit on the couch, pulling him into her chest as she plays with his hair while he cries quietly about losing his best friend and crush.

“it hurts so bad, momma,”

she shushes his broken voice and continues to play with his hair, “i know, baby, i know,” she tears up along with him.

they stay like that until the school day ends, then when the sun goes down.

billy ends up falling asleep on the couch that night. she gets up to get the knitted blanket off of an adjacent chair and drapes it over his body, not being able to cover all of his legs, but staying there with him all night.

it was hard, as a mother, to watch her son break into so many little pieces. but it was even harder when she almost felt her heart break with his.

she knew steve, knew he would make whoever he ended up with a very, very happy person. he was sweet and went out of his way to make others happy.

and a selfish part of her really wanted steve to end up with her billy, for him to be treated right by the only person he’s been in love with. the person who he’d unintentionally pined after for years.

she just wanted to see her boys happy.

[petersasteria]

The Package - Harry Holland

Harry || Main || Taglist

Requested? Nah 1,583 words Heavily inspired by Key and Peele.

* * * *

Harry was in his office bored out of his mind. He was sipping around in his office chair while throwing his stress ball up in the air and catching it repeatedly. The young CEO hated his job despite the multiple and grand benefits that came along with the job. He hated that his brothers Tom and Sam were allowed to decline the offer when their father asked them if they could take over the family business. Tom declined it because he wanted to focus more on the carpentry side of the business. Sam declined because it wasn’t his passion; he wanted to be a chef. But Harry was never asked about what he wanted. His father told him that he’s the heir of the company. With that being said, Harry hated it and he resented his brothers and father for it.

He loved them dearly, though. He knew that no one else would take over and Paddy was far too young to be a CEO. Harry just unwillingly took his fate as his father retired. Now that he’s seated on ‘the throne’, as everyone in the office called it, he felt powerful but at the same time he felt judged by the people who work for him because they were all older than him and most of them saw him and his brothers grow up. It was awkward.

Harry stopped spinning around his chair and heavily sighed before grabbing his phone to play games on it. There was nothing better to do and it was a slow day. All the shipments were done yesterday, all the forms were signed before lunch, no meetings until next month, and no new applicants to take up the job of being his assistant. His last assistant, Margaret, was his dad’s assistant. Harry loved Margaret like a family member, but she was too old, so he allowed her to retire.

The game on his phone started to become boring and with a sigh, he exited the game and went on Facebook to see anything new about the people he went to school with. He loved, for lack of better term, tea. He loved spilling tea and he loved being told tea. He and Sam bonded over it.

Just as Harry was reading a post about his former schoolmate being involved in a scandal with one of his former teachers, his office telephone rang. Without an assistant, Harry was forced to answer calls without knowing who it was on lines 1, 2, and 3.

“Hello, this is Harry Holland of Holland Industries. Who am I speaking to?” Harry asked. At this point, it was engraved in his mind now. He knew what to say and what not to say.

“Hi, Harry! This is Y/N Y/L/N. I’m calling from Master Travel Incorporated to tell you about an exciting limited-time offer, exclusive getaway to the Philippines. Can I have a few moments of your time to tell you about this new package?” Your tone of voice matched the exciting offer you asked, but it wasn’t enough to entice Harry. He didn’t even know where that pine place was.

“You know, Y/N, I would love to, but I just don’t have the time-”

Upon hearing that, you immediately hung up the phone. Harry stopped talking and looked at the phone with furrowed eyebrows.

“Huh, rude.” Harry muttered under his breath as he put the phone in its place. He grabbed his phone and continued reading about his schoolmate, but he couldn’t shake off the rude thing you just did. He sighed to himself and grabbed the phone, somehow directing the call to you, and waited for you to pick up.

Your telephone rang and you answered on the first ring, “This is Y/N Y/L/N, Master Travel Incorporated. How may I be of service?”

“Hi, Y/N Y/L/N. My name is Harry. I think we just spoke not too long ago.” Harry said as he fiddled with a pen that was on his desk. “Did we just get disconnected?”

“Um, yeah. I hung up on you.” You said blatantly.

Harry raised his eyebrows upon hearing your answer and asked, “Why? Like, why would you do that? Are you allowed to do that? Because that was rude, Y/N. I’ll tell you that.”

You sat back in your chair and twirled the cord of your headset around your finger with a smug look on your face. “Were you going to buy the Philippines package?”

“What? No! Don’t be daft. That’s not the point I was trying to make. What I’m saying is-”

You hung up on him again and Harry’s jaw dropped. He has never encountered someone so rude such as yourself. “What the fuck.” Harry said before calling you again.

“This is Y/N-”

“Yeah, Y/L/N. Listen. I don’t know why you’re being rude to me, but you don’t get to hang up-” Harry gasped as soon as you hung up again. “Oh my fucking god!” Harry shouted in annoyance. He knew it wasn’t worth it, but he was never disrespected like that in his life. So, he called again.

You answered the call immediately, “What the fuck do you want?”

“What’s your deal, huh?” Harry asked as his eyebrows knit in confusion and slight anger.

“Um, you don’t want the Philippines package,” You started. “So I don’t want to talk. I did us a favor instead of wasting our time.” You were about to end the call and somehow, Harry sensed that.

“Stop, stop! Don’t you dare end this call!” Harry raised his voice, not noticing the attention he drew to himself. Everyone looked at his office and as if it wasn’t enough, Tom and Sam went to visit him just to see how he was doing.

“What’s going on?” Tom asked Edith, the accountant,

“Harry is throwing a fit.” Edith answered before returning to do her job. Edith was a 50 year old woman and she’s so over the stage of being the one to calm a kid down when throwing a fit. Those years were behind her and she didn’t want to calm Harry down. If Harry wanted to throw a fit, she doesn’t care. She just wanted to get paid and get through the day like everyone else.

“He’s… too old for that.” Sam chuckled as he and Tom walked closer to his twin’s office.

Harry never noticed them standing by the doorframe, though.

“Why shouldn’t I?” You asked him.

“Why shouldn’t you?!” Harry shrieked. “What if I wanted the Philippines package?! You know what? I want the Philippines package!”

Tom furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he looked at Sam and Sam just shrugged. He didn’t know what was happening either.

There was silence between your line and Harry’s. After a few seconds, you broke the silence and said, “Sure, you do.” You hung up the phone once more before Harry could say anything else. This made Harry scream and throw the pen in frustration.

He stood up from his seat and yelled at the telephone, “You motherfucking bitch! I will give you a piece of my mind and you will feel my wrath!”

Neither Sam nor Tom wanted to stop. They wanted to see how it would go down.

Harry called again and this time, he put you on speaker. The phone rang and you answered on the first ring, “Come on, man. Let it go.”

“Fuck you! I WANT SIX FUCKING PACKAGES RIGHT NOW!! You know what- where’s my wallet?” Harry walked around the room to find his wallet as you sat back with a victorious smile on your face.

Harry found his wallet and pulled out his credit card. He quickly walked to where the telephone was and said, “I found my fucking credit card! Now put the details there, Y/L/N! My credit card number is 1185-6514-1109. The fucking expiration date is 12-22! And then the security number is 195! Run the fucking card right fucking now! Run it now, asshole!”

You held back your laughter as you punched in his details and when you were done, you simply said, “Thank you for your business.”

Harry took a deep breath and said, “I hope you learned your le-”

You hung up once more and that made Harry scream in anger. Sam walked further into the room and tapped Harry’s shoulder. Harry turned around and saw Sam, “Mate, stop it! Just stop calling or you’ll get even more pissed!”

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. He took a few calming breaths before looking up at Sam and finally noticing Tom who gave Harry a small wave which Harry returned.

“What was that, H?” Tom asked softly as he walked further into the office.

Harry looked at his brothers and calmly said, “Pack your things. We’re going to the Philippines for a family vacation. I just bought six packages for it.”

Bonus +

Your boss, Colin, went to your desk with a huge grin on his face. “Y/N, I don’t know how you do it, but you’ve made a ton of sales recently! I’m really proud of you for coming this far! Because of that-”

Colin turned to everyone and shouted, “Y/N is employee of the month! Let’s all leave an hour early and celebrate! It’s on me!”

Everyone cheered and congratulated you. Colin went back to his office and you smirked before calling your new ‘victim’.

* * * *

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @thatforgottenangel @turtoix @givebuckyhisplumsnow @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @euphorichxlland @thevelvetseries @buckymylove @more-like-reyna

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @calltothewild @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg

[cherrycheolliesc]

Let Me Hear You Say

part 46: Joshua’s Weeb Closet. (46/50)

red below 👇 (1.5k words)

“You know I can break out of this, right?” you say to Mingyu who is currently holding you down. He just scoffs knowing you can't move anywhere, but entertains you, “I know, it just makes me feel strong”

“You already strong, Gyu. Anyways where is everyone?” Seokmin asks. You look around the room only seeing half of your friends in Seungcheol’s small living room. Seungkwan and Wonwoo are sitting on the couch quietly talking. You wonder how they became friends because you've never seen them talk to each other. You assume Jeonghan and Joshua are probably somewhere making out so they don't have to deal with actually setting up the party. Seungcheol and Jihoon seem to be lecturing Chan about who knows what. Things are finally quieting down when everyone decides to watch the movie that's playing until someone bursts through the doors, “I'm here motherfuckers. The party is finally getting started”

“She drunk, isn't she,” Cheol asks as he points towards the small blonde girl in Mina’s arms. Seoyeon nods as she brings Chaeyoung to one of the rooms in the apartment. When she comes back, everyone turns towards the commotion at the front door. “You can't make me go inside. I'll bite you, you know I will” 

“Soonyoung, if you just go inside, it'll make everything so much easier,” Jun says as he continues to try and push the smaller boy in. Everyone just watches him, Minghao, and Vernon struggle to bring Soonyoung in until Cheol eventually just picks him up and holds him down, “You two are gonna talk like two grown adults or I’m firing Jihoon”

“Woah why am I getting involved in this?” Jihoon asks walking over to the rest of the group. Everyone looks confused before Chan talks, “How can you even fire him?” 

“Yea and with what job exactly,” Soonyoung says causing Cheol to roll his eyes, “Look if guys talk to each other, I'll tell you where I work” 

“One, no one cares. Two, stop lying to yourself, it's okay if you're unemployed. We won't stop loving you just because you don't have a job, Cheollie” you say which only annoys him more. Jihoon confused asks, “Why do you guys really believe he's unemployed? The dude is literally our boss.”

“ ‘Our’ boss?” Seungkwan says, “yes our boss. He's at the building all the time. How did you not know that?”

“To be honest I thought he was just going there to hook up with you, Ji,” Jeonghan says before getting a drink. “Ew, why would I hook up with Cheol? He's like my brother. That would just ruin your friendship.”

“And that is exactly why I’m not admitting my feelings for Y/n!” Soonyoung screams before trying to run away but failing as Cheol is still holding him down. You decide yelling back is the best option, “like I would ever admit my feelings for you.” 

“That’s it! Time out for you two until you can figure out your issues. Bring them to Shua’s weeb closet and don’t let them out until they're cool with each other.” Cheol says before lifting Soonyoung. Mingyu sees the message Cheol sends and brings you to Joshua’s room as well. “Hey hey, why are you taking them to my closet? What if they fuck in there?”

“Then they'll be happy again,” Vernon says with a smile on his face. Shua rolls his eyes before giving in. Eventually, you and Soonyoung are both shoved into the small closet. You try to stay as far as you can from him, putting a blowup titan in between the two of you. To ease the awkwardness after a few minutes of silence, Soonyoung asks, “You think Shua uses this thing as a sex doll?”

“If he does, I regret touching it,” you reply. The boy beside you laughs and says, “If I remember correctly, you and Joshua sleeping together for a whole two years after college, right?” 

“Yeah well, it was kinda weird. Let's just say, you aren't the only furry in our friend group.” This makes him laugh again before finding a place to sit down. You take a seat beside him as he leans his head on your shoulder, “I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“For what exactly, Soonie?” You ask back wanting a better explanation than just a small sorry. He rolls his eyes before saying, “You already know why. For being immature and not dealing with things like an adult.”

“To be honest, none of us deal with things like adults. We're just the worst. I guess I’m sorry too.” you say back to him. The two sit comfortably in silence just relaxing in each other’s company. Why did we make things so hard for no reason? you wonder. That thought quickly goes away when you remember that the two of you are friends and you never want to ruin that, but your thoughts are interrupted, “I love you, Y/n. But I mean even if it's pretty obvious, I know I'm not very good at showing it.” 

“But we're friends, Soon,” you say back before walking to the other side of the closet. You glance at his face for a second and see a bit of hurt in his eyes. Why am I still hiding how I feel? What’s the point of lying to myself and everyone else? You ask yourself before he breaks your thoughts once again, “Y/n, you say that, but then you're willing to fight with me for months because of the whole situation. Why are we just continuing to do this to each other?” 

“I don't know, Soon. I really don't know,” you reply, overwhelmed, burying your face into your hands. He walks behind you and gives one of his famous, familiar back hugs to comfort you. You relax into the hug as he softly kisses your shoulder, “it's okay, Y/n. You don't need to have an answer right now. It's not wrong to want to take everything at your own pace. I just don't want to feel like I have to constantly avoid you because like you said, you are my best friend.“

“Are you trying to say ‘the power of friendship is so strong’ that we can get through things like this?” you sarcastically say as you laugh and lean into his arms. He giggles and replies, “That's exactly what I’m saying.” The two of you once again sit in silence. You take in everything from the moment you first saw Soonyoung as a small boy eating dirt in the playground to this exact moment You wonder when everything changed, “When did you realize you loved me, Soon?” 

“There isn't an exact moment. I think just over time my love constantly grew for you. I didn't realize it at first and never really wanted to accept it because, well I'm pretty sure it's obvious why,” he responds. You feel the same way. You've always just told yourself it was because of that dance, but you know those feelings have always been there. More importantly, you know you've acted on those feelings before. “Why did you leave me after graduation? After I told you I love you?” 

“Because I was stupid and a coward. I got jealous of Joshua, but then I started to think I wasn't as good as him. I wouldn't be good enough like him. I thought I wouldn't be able to make you happy like he would, ” he says honestly. You don't understand how he could ever think he wasn't good enough. You loved everything about the kid, from his weird tiger obsession to his incredible dance skills. “Soonie, you know I never believed you weren't good enough. And to be honest, Shua wasn't the greatest boyfriend. He was an amazing friend, but there's something off about knowing your boyfriend is denying his feelings for someone else”

“I guess that's how Seoyeon felt. It was just seeing you in the arms of a model like him brought up my insecurities I guess. I thought it would be too hard to compete. So I ran away because I didn't want to deal with the feelings, ” he explains still holding you in his arms. You feel how much bigger his arms got over the years and decide to ask him another question, “When did you start working out? Not that I'm complaining, but the last time Cheol asked you to work out with him you called him a loser and told him there's no reason to work out when you have a cute face.”

“Yes, my face is adorable, but I figured I'd just work out because why not. Also, Ji paid for a year's gym membership in China by accident,” he answers while softly laughing. The two of you continue to talk about random things for the next few hours without anyone interrupting you. You hear soft snoring on the other side of the door. Soonyoung quietly opens the door to not wake the sleeping person on the other side. You walk out to see Seungcheol and Wonwoo fast asleep on each other and quickly take a photo before sneaking away. You and Soonyoung decide to leave through the window to avoid questions or stares from anyone else. For the rest of the night, the two of you wonder who knows where and finally you feel happy to be with your best friend for once.

previous / masterlist / next

↣ summary: after not seeing each other for years, Yn is ecstatic when she finds out all of her friends will finally be in the same place at one time. but unfortunately an unwanted dream turns a 12 year friendship into hateful relationship between yn and soonyoung.

↣ pairing: reader x soonyoung.

↣ genre: angst, comedy, youtube au, sm au. friends to enemies to lovers.

just message me or dm me if you wanted to be added to a tag list.

tag list: @agustmonoworld @multinines--xx @noniesgirl @svtslvt @binniebutter @fluffyhyeju @happyvitamin @liarspoetry @itsdnguyenxoxo @monstathedisco @mimaisiomai @sensorivm @sunshineshouchan @hoerangdan @lovingyu04 @linhyyboo12 @youdawonu @ash-moon8 @twitterpated-by-you @hao-are-xu @onefinecarat @kwonthefics @datte-bae-yo @gabagaba05 @all-i-needislovee @smolchild95 @pooofthechicken @simplewonderland @starrysungie @yanniezx @woohannie @serenadesvt @minghaofilm @velve-tae @ahnneyong @sherizaraiyah Unable to tag @manamiyx

a/n- tbh i don’t really know how i feel abt this chapter. but also i don’t really see myself as a good writer when it comes to like written things like this but i really want to get better because i want to open requests soon when i get the time.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,958 Words

Summary: Midoriya’s store run, Todoroki kills everyone with laughter, and girl day has been moved to Bakugou’s room, and Shigaraki and Dabi have a talk.

Warnings: Food Mention, Death Mention, Caps, Child Abuse Mention, Cursing, Period Mention, Menstruation Mention, Murder Mention, Grooming Mention, Burn Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Notes: Shigaraki's alias in the group chat is Ren, Dabi's alias is Haruhi, and Hime is Toga's alias.

Usernames: Area 51   Aoyama: bonjour je suis Dora, Ashido: aggressive chicken dance, Asui: wut, Iida: Human Porche, Uraraka: Fuck Gravity, Ojiro: ceouolo, Kaminari: pikachoo, Kirishima: ordained, Koda: the muffin man?, Sato: dammit kevin, Shoji: pIaNoMaN, Jirou: neko neko kneecaps, Sero: wine and cheerios, Tokoyami: brb drowning, Todoroki: daddy issues, Hagakure: oreosandpussy, Bakugo: mother i crave violence, Midoriya: mistakes were made Mineta: Mineta, Shinsou: its a mental breakdown, Yaoyorozu: single braincell

Usernames: Emo Sanctuary  Jirou: tell tale heart, Tokoyami: eldritch peep, Todoroki: i love you 3000, Bakugou: knife tag, Midoriya: bitchasaurus, Shinsou: unhappy meal, Kuroiro: meth and deadamine, Shigaraki: depresso extra shot, Dabi: *sad kazoo*

Into The Group Chat We Go: Chapter 2

10:00 AM

Area 51

Midoriya: I'm heading to the store and then to my apartment for the weekend, so if anyone needs anything while I'm out, tell me now.

mother i crave violence: Pickled daikon, seaweed chips, pea sprouts, spinach, enoki, and sausages.

Midoriya: Ew.

Midoriya: Fine.

mother i crave violence: Breathe one word of what you know and you're dead meat, Deku.

Midoriya: Not very nice to say to someone buying you food, now, is it?

mother i crave violence: Sorry, Deku.

Midoriya: Now send me the whole list. I know you don't buy six things and call it a day.

mother i crave violence: Also chapaghetti, eggs, and probably tofu.

mother i crave violence: And coffee pudding.

Midoriya: And?

mother i crave violence: Aloe yoghurt and ham.

Midoriya: Got it.

mother i crave violence: I hate you.

Midoriya: Yeah, yeah. I'll say hi to Hotaru and Hikaru for you on my way home.

Hagakure: Who's that?

Midoriya: NOTHING.

Midoriya has deleted one message

Midoriya: See? nothing.

Hagakure: Suspicious.

mother i crave violence: I'm not even going to deal with this. I'm too busy crying.

Midoriya: Overdramatic much?

mother i crave violence: I'm not, I'm dying. I deserve to cry if I'm dying.

Midoriya: Drama queen.

mother i crave violence: Stop arguing, I'm hungry.

Midoriya: Fine, fine.

Iida: What are you two on about now?

Midoriya: Kacchan needs some groceries that I offered to grab for him on my way out.

Todoroki: I'll go with you. I have to grab a few things for my dinner. I'll bring everything back to the dorms so you can head straight home.

Midoriya: Cool. @its a mental breakdown, do you need anything? I know you said something about needing to grab groceries to other day. I won't have you surviving off rice.

its a mental breakdown: My guy, it's 10:10 in the morning. Why are you waking me up so early on the weekend?

Midoriya: Groceries. Fork over the list, my guy.

its a mental breakdown: grocery.link

Midoriya: Looks good. Anyone else need food?

aggressive chicken dance: I forgot to pick up rice yesterday. I can't make my green curry without rice.

its a mental breakdown: I have a big container of rice you can steal from, Mina. Remember, the rice container that's as tall as a toddler?

aggressive chicken dance: Hells yeah. I'll hit you up at like 6pm. Raincheck on the rice, Midoriya.

Midoriya: 👍

Hagakure: Why do you have so much rice, Shinsou?

its a mental breakdown: it used to be the only thing I was allowed to eat at the orphanage because they could get a 4 pound bag and feed me for two weeks. I got used to eating rice a lot and I usually will just add things to rice.

Hagakure: Shinsou, that's like half a cup of rice a day.

its a mental breakdown: I never said they fed me correctly. thus why I had a job to make money for extra food. the nuns hated that, though, so I had to hide it or make it at a friend's house. thanks for those days, Bakugo.

mother i crave violence: No problem, Toshi.

10:25 PM

Area 51

Uraraka: We're missing shit.

Uraraka has changed their name to Fuck Gravity

Fuck Gravity has changed Asui to wut

Fuck Gravity has changed Iida to Human Porche

Fuck Gravity has changed Midoriya to mistakes were made

Fuck Gravity has changed Todoroki to daddy issues

Fuck Gravity has changed Aoyama to bonjour je suis Dora

Fuck Gravity: Much better.

Tokoyami: DADDY ISSUES OH MY GOD

daddy issues: I wasn't aware we were having a therapy session. I can talk about my daddy issues if you want.

Tokoyami: No, Shoto.

daddy issues: I mean, it's not a secret that I have daddy issues. Just look at him. Of course I have issues, he made me.

Hagakure: Hold on, I'm wheezing.

daddy issues: Like I do when I look at his face knowing there's a possibility of me growing into its image.

daddy issues: No wonder Touya was constantly depressed to look so similar to him. I'd be depressed too.

Ojiro: Send help, I can't breathe.

daddy issues: It's no wonder Natsuo is so proud to look like our mother but as a guy. And Fuyumi is basically mom's twin but with a different quirk and some red in her hair.

daddy issues: Lucky motherfuckers.

bonjour je suis Dora: Mon dieu, Shoto, stop, everyone's dying.

daddy issues: ...

Fuck Gravity: Don't!

daddy issues: Like I wish my father would.

daddy issues has set "that's a lot of damage" audio to play

Fuck Gravity: Shoto, please, we're suffering.

daddy issues: Okay, okay. I'll stop tormenting you all like I wish I could my father.

aggressive chicken dance: Savage.

11:00 AM

Area 51

daddy issues: I'm coming home with the groceries. I put our stuff in separate bags. Shinsou, you'll have to come to 1-A dorms because I don't know where your room is.

mother i crave violence: just give mine to Toshi for now. I can't move yet.

Hagakure: Alright, I've been wondering why it is you said you were crying for like an hour now. Why are you crying, Bakugou?

mother i crave violence: I'm having my period. It's bad, I can't move.

Hagakure: I have midol!

aggressive chicken dance: time to spoil Baku.

wut: I'll bring heating pads.

Fuck Gravity: I'll grab his food. Do you want any of it made before I go up?

mother i crave violence: I was just gonna destroy the chips, coffee pudding, and yoghurt.

Fuck Gravity: I'm making you eat. It'll be good for you.

daddy issues: I bought a bunch of extra ready made bentos because they were on sale for you girls' Girl Day. Take him two or three up and make sure he eats.

Yaoyorozu: We're moving Girl Day to Bakugou's room, if that's alright with everyone.

mother i crave violence: Why do I feel appreciated? Make it stop.

Yaoyorozu: Because we appreciate you, Bakugou.

mother i crave violence: I don't like this.

Yaoyorozu: So you don't want us in your room?

mother i crave violence: I guess it's fine.

Hagakure: Alright, Girl Day in Bakugou's room!

neko neko kneecaps: Alright, Todoroki, bring the stuff up to Baku's room.

daddy issues: I know, I'm on the way. I was waiting for Hitoshi.

its a mental breakdown: thank you, Sho.

daddy issues: You'll have to show me to your dorm one of these days.

its a mental breakdown: oh. it's floor five room four on the boys side in the 1-C dorms.

daddy issues: You say this like I won't now make a bridge to walk from my room to yours.

its a mental breakdown: I know this and I love you.

daddy issues: Good, someone has to.

its a mental breakdown: No airing therapy sessions in the group chat, Sho.

daddy issues: Damn.

daddy issues: Anyway. I'm thinking of playing musical rooms with Aizawa and freezing the empty girls rooms on floor two. Any oppositions?

Tokoyami: My only opposition is not today. I'm working on a time sensitive commission and I don't want to see a month of work go down the drain if the ice creeps over.

daddy issues: Tokoyami, the real MVP, running his business as a profit hobby so UA can't stop him.

Fuck Gravity: What a king.

Tokoyami: Thank you both.

Tokoyami: I'm going back to Hime's fourth dress.

Tokoyami is now offline

Hagakure: Alright.

Hagakure has changed their name to oreosandpussy

oreosandpussy has changed Ojiro's name to ceouolo

oreosandpussy has changed Koda's name to the muffin man?

oreosandpussy has changed Shoji's name to pIaNoMaN

oreosandpussy has changed Tokoyami's name to brb drowning

oreosandpussy has changed Yaoyorozu's name to single braincell

ceouolo: I'm not shocked, just disappointed.

oreosandpussy: That's normal, Mashi.

1:45 PM

Emos Sanctuary

depresso extra shot: Has anyone heard from Haruhi? I haven't been able to find him for like a solid five days and he last messaged someone in here from what I can tell.

*sad kazoo* is now online

*sad kazoo*: Sorry, man, I've been doing some shit for a few days so I can find a way to adopt Toshi.

depresso extra shot: Nobody's heard from you for days!

*sad kazoo*: Well, yeah, I mean, I bought a house, I'm working, I got stuff to do.

depresso extra shot: How the fuck?

*sad kazoo*: I had Hime help me.

1:50 PM

private chat with depresso extra shot and *sad kazoo*

depresso extra shot: How the fuck did Himiko help you?

*sad kazoo*: Himiko hooked me up with one of her friends who can change appearances. The girl made me look how I would if the accident never happened.

depresso extra shot: So you're never coming back to the League.

*sad kazoo*: No. I'm not, I can't. I have a son, man. I need to be there for him.

depresso extra shot: I'll still be your friend, right?

*sad kazoo*: Of course. And you can always have Himi's friend make you look different too. You can get away from this life too, Tomura.

depresso extra shot: I can't just disappear, Dabi.

*sad kazoo*: Why not? I've already found a way to disappear without questions. I could take you into it.

depresso extra shot: Tell me why I should? I have All For One's legacy to uphold!

*sad kazoo*: Who are you even carrying his legacy anyway? Because he saved you? You don't have to risk your life for his legacy because he saved you once. Following his legacy will kill you. I should know, I was held to a legacy too and look where it got me. I'm a murderer, a wanted criminal. This path isn't one you'll survive. He groomed a child and forced his own destiny onto you.

depresso extra shot: I'll think about it.

*sad kazoo*: You could really be Izuku's brother then.

depresso extra shot: You say that like I don't have a quirk that would kill this family like I did my last one. How am I supposed to explain to Izuku that I killed our father? My mother and sister?

*sad kazoo*: Himiko knows someone who can change your quirk. I was going to see him right before I stage my disappearing act. He was going to make my fire red again and give me some ice control so I won't turn into a burnt chicken nugget again.

depresso extra shot: So he could make my quirk something else?

*sad kazoo*: He can make your quirk into whatever you want.

depresso extra shot: I've always wanted to have a healing quirk like my sister did.

*sad kazoo*: And he can do that.

depresso extra shot: I think I'd like that.

*sad kazoo*: So you wanna make the League a family instead? We can all move into my house. We can be normal. We can have lives.

depresso extra shot: I could probably talk everyone into it.

*sad kazoo* So it's a plan then.

depresso extra shot: We'd have to tell the others.

*sad kazoo*: Himi's already onboard. So are Magne and Twice. I haven't raised the question to Compress or Spinner yet.

depresso extra shot: So we just need to talk to Atsuhiro and Iguchi.

*sad kazoo*: Yeah.

depresso extra shot: Iguchi is a lost cause. He's a devout Stain follower. He won't ever agree to it. Compress we might be able to convince. He's said how his great-grandfather is a famous criminal. He might have it though his thick skull that he needs to bring honor to his family name by reforming the hero society.

*sad kazoo*: So we've decided to kill off the League.

depresso extra shot: For our second chance at life.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka @everythingisstardust @paint-in-flames @hakodas-tits

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

AIGHT Y’ALL I wasn’t tagged but I’m doing this anyways because f u c k  i t

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?

Deadasss weird as fuck, my dude. Like...out of all the things I could’ve predicted happening in our lord’s year 2021, it definitely was NOT getting hyperfixated on a hammy gay ship with a punk and a nerd from a goddamn karate soap opera. And yet...here we are??? I will never understand hyperfixations, my guy. But I’ve met a lot of really cool people in this fandom, so I can’t really complain.

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?

I have never seen a single Karate Kid movie in my entire life. When I was a kid, it looked kinda dumb so I never got into it XD But then I saw my roommate watching Cobra Kai on Youtube Red one day (he has every streaming service known to man) and I was hooked. And...here I am!

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:  

Literally EVERYONE except for Kreese, Yasmine, Kyler, and Tory, sorry stans

Okay but if we gotta pick, Johnny Lawrence is my Problematic Fave. Also I love my boy Daniel, he’s trying his best!!! And Amanda LaRusso, we stan a queen!!!

Among the kids, definitely Miguel, with Demetri as a close second. I also love Sam, Aisha, Moon, and Hawk (pre- and post-Bastardization Arc, anyways XD)!

Favorite ship:  

Take a look at my username and take a WILD FUCKING GUESS lmao Yes it’s Eli/Demetri because DUH, every interaction they have is so fucking gay and Eli fucking saved him!!! And came back to him!!! And betrayed the world’s most terrifying dojo with a WAR CRIMINAL SENSEI all for Demetri!!! And how Demetri was willing to forgive him for everything at the drop of a hat because he always had faith there was still good in his best friend??? That’s TRUE LOVE motherfuckers. Please let them kiss in Season 4. I will sell you all of my limbs. Sam/Miguel is a close second because they’re cute as shit and it’s just so lovely to see two people so unapologetically smitten with each other. They are in LOVE, and I will RIOT if they break up again!!! Keep Sam and Miguel together 2k21!!!

Underrated character:

SAMANTHA LARUSSO!!! The amount of hate my girl gets for acting like a normal teenager and fucking up occasionally JUST like the rest of the cast makes me want to start punching things. She cares SO MUCH about her friends!!! And she loves the shit out of Miguel!!! She hasn’t always been the best friend but you know what??? Neither has Hawk, and we still forgave his ass!!! Also LET HER BE FEMININE but also kick utter ass, my god!!! Femininity should not be synonymous with being weak, y’all! ALSO DEMETRI, like yes, he likes to complain and occasionally run his mouth, but guess what else he likes to do??? Never give up on the love of his life his best friend Eli Moskowitz and refuse to lose faith in him no matter how much of a little shit he’s become, and I for one think that’s very badass of him. Also the way he takes care of Eli pre-Cobra Kai in his own snarky bastard way makes me absolutely Weak and needs more appreciation. Like the dude has charisma and COULD have probably made other friends and left Eli behind if he wanted, but did he??? No, he wants the weepy loser with the lip scar in the polo shirts and dorky sweaters and will protect him as much as his wimpy ass is able!!!

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  

Among the adults, Daniel/Amanda!!! Like maybe I just don’t watch that much tv, but it seems kinda rare to me to see a happily married hetero couple, and it’s just nice to see a married couple who genuinely love each other and where there’s not like...lingering resentment or some shit. I feel like this ship gets overshadowed by Lawrusso a lot (which like--okay, fair!!! Daniel and Johnny do have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, and the gay undertones are undeniable, so I get it), and it makes me kinda sad. I do love Lawrusso, but I don’t like when Amanda has to get her heart broke for it to happen, you feel? Among the kids, honestly YasMoon. Like I really love the idea of Yasmine trying to better herself because of Moon’s influence on her and because Moon like...inspires her to be a better person, I guess? With their pretty strong friendship, it just makes more sense to me for Yasmine to get a redemption arc through Moon than through Demetri. ALSO girls DO often pull the whole “mean girl” shtick to cover up being closeted lesbians, and Moon IS canonically bi, so it could work!!! I just think this one could be a really interesting Friends to Lovers take, and could make a really nice coming-out arc for Yas. And MoonPiper too, honestly!!! Like they only got 5 seconds of screentime so I understand WHY it’s underrated, but I still love what we DID get and loved that there was a canon gay ship (even if only for 1 scene lmao). I’m really excited to potentially see more of them in Season 4!!! Please, I’m begging!!!

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?

Sweep the Leg because it will always be deeply hilarious to me how Demetri took note of the first move Eli ever used on him and spent presumably weeks perfecting it OUT OF SPITE just to get him back with it at the soccer game MONTHS later. Just goes to show how OBSESSED Demetri is with Eli and their little karate rivalry which is just NOT straight, I’m sorry

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?

There’s something so funny about this pretentious little fuck walking around in fancy suits once he becomes a #SuccessfulBusinessman, and still occasionally trying to do karate in a full-ass suit (take THAT, Tom Cole’s boba!!!) I’m also a big fan of how he looks in his gi with his little headband. Still killing that look as a 40-50-something!!!

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:

Tbh I have still never seen a single Karate Kid movie (they took them off of Netflix, RIP), so...I don’t really care if they bring anyone else back??? I’m invested in the characters we already have in the show, I don’t need some rando from the movies to make a cameo to have a good time XD The only character I really wanted them to bring back was Ali, and they already did, so like...I’m good??? That’s all I really needed, I can die in peace now XD

Scene that lives in your head rent-free:

Basically any fluffy Elimetri scene, but 5 in particular: ~Miguel first meeting Eli and Demetri at the lunch table, and Eli looking at Demetri like he hung every goddamn star in the sky ~Demetri going off at a terrifying, “unhinged” karate sensei on the first day of Cobra Kai because he made fun of Eli’s lip and Demetri is not about that shit ~ELI STEALING DEMETRI’S NACHO AND SMIRKING AT HIM, LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS HOMOSEXUAL IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND ~Eli yanking Demetri onstage during Valley Fest to hold a board, and Demetri being visibly like...extremely turned on when Eli breaks said board ~ELI SAVING DEMETRI DURING THE CHRISTMAS FIGHT, ELI APOLOGIZING, DEMETRI AND ELI KICKING COBRA ASS TOGETHER AKSBDCUWYVCBU

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?

I hope not! He’s kind of a funny meme character to pop up now and again but I don’t think he deserves a serious plotline when there are so many more interesting characters to follow.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?

Miyagi-Do because Cobra Kai would eat me alive. Also I’d probably straight up get stuck and die in that cement mixer, if I even made it that far XD Besides, being salty that your friend who you have a crush on likes martial arts better than you and starting martial arts to impress them but also being too lazy to join anything TOO intense is a Big Mood and I am certainly not speaking from personal experience here, no sirree

What’s your training montage song?

"Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna for a weight-training and bicep-flexing montage, “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons for a more intense punching-and-kicking-shit montage. I don’t know why this is, I just feel it in my heart.

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?

*Briefly panics because I don’t actually watch that much TV and most of the stuff I do watch is fantasy/sci fi shit that absolutely would not work for a CK crossover*

Hmmmm okay but ACTUALLY

You know what would be fucking funny as hell would be an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossover. Allow me to elaborate: ~The Gang goes to LA on vacation during the height of the Karate Dojo Wars. They literally can get barely anything done without all these goddamn karate-fighting teenagers getting in the way. ~They are all very annoyed by this. Even the most obscure of tourist attractions is eventually intercepted by karate fights. ~Mac tries to join Cobra Kai because he sees all this karate fighting on, and wants to unquestionably prove both his badassery and masculinity. Both Johnny and Kreese are like “Wtf are you doing here? Aren’t you like 30?” ~Mac gets a planet-sized crush on Johnny after all of 5 minutes and endlessly gushes to the gang about him. The gang mercilessly roast him about this and about how much of a pathetic loser with his life together in no way whatsoever Johnny sounds like. They proceed to have exactly 0 self awareness about this. ~The Waitress is in town visiting family or something, and Charlie is stalking her, as per usual. However, every time he’s about to go up and talk to her, a pack of battling Miyagi-Dos and Cobra Kais throwing punches and kicks everywhere blocks his path. One times, Mac is among one of these packs and Charlie is like “???? He didn’t get kicked out of that teen karate dojo yet???” ~Seeing how much the Kids These Days seem to like fighting, Charlie drops by a local high school to try and sell Fight Milk to the kids doing karate. Only Kyler and Brucks buy into it, and subsequently get the entire West Valley High wrestling team sick. Charlie is inevitably arrested, as Counselor Blatt thinks he’s selling the kids drugs. ~Dennis makes a plan to have sex with every hot chick he can in Los Angeles. He meets Ali on a dating app post-divorce, and inevitably tries to bang her. It doesn’t work. ~Frank crashes the rental car, and inevitably the gang ends up at one of Daniel’s dealerships. Dee quickly takes a liking to Daniel and is like “Watch, assholes--Imma homewreck this guy’s marriage.” She starts frequenting the dealerships to attempt to flirt with Daniel, until one day she walks in on him having sex with Johnny in a back room and she’s like “Is that the guy from Mac’s goddamn dojo?!?!” ~Dennis, of course, tries to sleep with Amanda. Amanda is not having it, and rebukes him in the most snarky, Amanda-esque way possible. Dennis is just like “Oh not AGAIN--the women in this goddamn diva city have too high of standards!” ~Later on, the gang is at the beach and Dennis spots the blonde lady he went out on an ill-fate date with, and decides to give it another shot--that is, until he sees her go up and kiss another woman and he’s like “IS THAT THE LADY FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP??? STUPID-KARATE-KICK-COMMERCIAL’S WIFE?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.” ~Dee complains to Dennis about her lack of luck getting laid, and Dennis is just like “Oh come ON, is everyone in Los Angeles gay???” Smash cut to Hawk and Demetri having sex, Moon and Piper making out, Bert and Nate holding hands, Chris and Mitch doing oral, and Amanda, Ali, and Carmen having a threesome. ~Frank tries to scam Kreese into buying cheaply-made karate equipment for his dojo. The gang ends up having to leave LA because Kreese is quite literally plotting all of their murders.

For tagging, uuuuhhhhhh @jackonthelongwalk @soe-leo @max-eagle-fang @cc-tinslebee @backawayfromthegay @asphodel-storm do the thing, if y’all haven’t yet!

[kitasfox]

hii i had a genuine question! if you really love writing and all of that, why do you think it's your followers specifically that took it from you for not interacting with your work? would that not be the want of notes or attention on your work leading to demotivation? just genuinely curious cause if you love it i'd just keep going no matter what notes you get, but maybe i don't fully understand <3

man idk if it's my mood rn but this feels too fucking passive aggressive to me rn but okay. as I screamed out of my ass many times before on this and my old blogs— yes writing is something we do for ourselves, but only partly.

If you write you know how hard it is to actually complete a fucking fic. Daydreaming is something but writing something else. First of all, it takes time. It changes of course but for me writing a linger fic around 3-5k takes me minimum a week, usually 2 weeks. You write whenever you get the chance; on the subway, walking somewhere, in the cafe waiting for you friends, with the friends, hell even on the fucking toilet sometimes because fuck you haven't written for so long and people forget about you and the interaction fuck fuck fuck—

It takes energy. Look if you aren't a writer idk how to explain just how much energy writing requires because holy fuck— you have 50 drafts. You want to write. You really really want to write. But you cant. The characterisation must be right, the plot must make sense and planning feels like fucking hell sometimes because it won't won't you just can't think nothing sounds right nothing sounds good is this becoming boring will people even read this I spent so much time and energy will people read this is this boring fuck im rewriting this you know what I hate this where's my other wip— yall we don't just sit, drink, think, write. That thinking part sometimes doesn't work. Sometimes you literally spend HOURS on one fucking scene and it doesn't work. Just no. You rewrite. The energy you spend while trying to think of another scene to make this rewritten version work because the whole fucking plot changes. I sometimes wake up from my sleep bcs FUCK THAT SHOULD BE THE PLOT THATS HOW IT SHOULD GO and my notes are a fucking disaster of 3 am ramblings for a fic.

You have no idea how frustrating it is to not be able to write what you think. Daydreaming is one of my favorite things but writing it is fucking hard man it's HARD. Cuz be honest do your daydreams make sense? Does anyone else would want to read it? But again, writing can be very very frustrating. I sometimes curse the day I started it.

But then, there's sharing it.

Why do we share? Because every once in a blue moon you see validation from someone, there's that one person who says thank you for writing this, it made my day. That makes my week, month year life. To know that that thing you spent so much energy and time on did make someone happy. It's addicting jts fucking addicting— it's like working so damn hard on a project for school yes? And you present it and that prof you absolutely adore tells you you did amazing. Now you understand how happy it makes us feel?

But then there's you guys who stare us with a poker face, the audience that applauds faintly as an act of courtesy. They don't say anything go you, they just smile and wave until the next presenter comes. No feedbacks, no that was cool! nice idea, no sharing it w the friends to say hey look this was a cool project! nah, just a nod of head and there, you can leave the stage now. That hurts man. Hurts like a motherfucker because you did this for yourself but also you really really wanted to see the audience and your professor tell you that you did good and that was nice because you gave too much for it and you want to know,,,, it was worth it.

Long story short; it makes us feel worthless.