#Why Izzy got it worse? Because they're so close

[blue-b-bro]

I don't think Ed would abuse Stede

I don't know why it's so controversial to talk about Ed's tendencies towards abuse. Like, it's nothing new, that people often copy their parents behavior. It's sad, yes, but also good choice to write him like that, because it's more realistic. We also know he was surrounded by violence his whole life and so has rather skewed perception of what is "going too far". Add emotional detachment or compartmentalization as coping mechanizm and we have a really interesting, well crafted character to work with.

I'm not saying he's going to mutilate his every partner or that Izzy was so bad, that's why he had it so bad. I'd say Izzy's case was really extreme. It was a mix of Ed's mental breakdown, suicidal tendencies and Izzy's lack of resistance (I'm not blaming Izzy, they're both just messed up). Ed literally wanted Izzy to kill him, so it's no surprise he started to act like the worst monster he could imagine - his father. Not even sure he was conscious of his reasoning.

Ed has showed many times that he react to being hurt or stressed by violence or throwing stuff. Judging from Izzy's reaction to being punched in e9 it's nothing new. They're pirates, they fight from time to time, that's how it usually works. So Ed being violent isn't making him the worst human being suddenly.

I'd say Ed got his explosive emotional reactions from home and violence from his life experience, toxic masculinity etc. It's no surprise his auto destructive spiral became everyone else's problem.

So, if Ed won't spiral so bad as in s2, I wouldn't be worried about Stede's toes. Additionally Stede's outsider status encourages Ed to try to act differently. There's also that pressure in the back of his head, that he has to be soft to be with Stede, and realistically it wouldn't just disappear overnight. So there's that to unpack.

On Stede's part - he had, surprisingly, similar experiences: he was the target of violence and felt he need to kill to be respected, to participate in the violence he so desperately wants to run away from. The difference is that Stede internalizes his emotions. Stede would rather run away, hide or freeze, than fight in stressful situations. He only fights to protect.

Stede is rather fine with dealing with Ed's emotions: he knows that under the aggression is actually hurt or shame. It's Ed who has to learn about Stede now, because, as we saw, Stede still didn't say much about himself, other that he regrets a lot of things. We know, that in situation of danger Stede would protect Ed even for the cost of his mental state, but what would happen if Stede was stressed/scared/upset without Ed in danger? Would Ed notice? Would Stede let him? Ok, silly me, we know from s2e6 he wouldn't. Stede wants to give Ed everything, would gladly destroy himself for him, but won't let him inside. Scared, still scared Ed wouldn't want the real him.

So they have to unpack those insecurities and I have no idea if it would end in calm conversation or another disaster, really. But Ed probably wouldn't hurt Stede, he doesn't want to show his "evil" side to him (he may destroy some furniture from frustration tho). He would probably run away again. We saw in e7, when the conversation started to turn into a fight Ed quickly backed off. He would rather go away than to show that part of him to Stede. Just as Stede won't let Ed see him panicked and having a meltdown.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I used to think that the reason I wasn't satisfied with Izzy's death was because I was too attached to his perspective as a character and couldn't focus on the big picture of the season and the main Gentlebeard relationship enough. I mean, I was still convinced that his death and the way it was carried out was a shit writing decision, but everyone else outside the Izzy Canyon circles seemed fine with it, so I was starting to think that maybe they were right.

So I looked back on the rest of the season and rewatched the finale... And realised something that I'd been trying to ignore because it was too painful to admit. A huge part of why Izzy's death hit so hard (in a bad way, not that delicious masochistic pain of having a beloved character die a good, narratively satisfying death) was because throughout this season he was the only character who actually had a satisfying arc and development. Practically no one else did. I didn't actually care for Gentlebeard this season, not the way I cared in S1. From episode 1 to 8 and a half, Izzy's arc was crafted with more care, kindness, subtlety and narrative weight than the main Gentlebeard arc which, in comparison, felt like a string of choppy beads badly tied together in an approximate shape of an arc, but collapsed as soon as you looked at it too closely.

Yes, we all know this season suffered for being 2 episodes too short, but I don't think that's all there is to it. This is starting to feel like GoT season 8 all over again. Would it have been better if it wasn't so rushed? Maybe. Or maybe it would have been even worse because this season just didn't seem to know what to do with itself or the characters. The themes and symbolism are all over the place and completely inconsistent. Ed and Stede's characters are practically back at the same place they left in S1. All they did was bounce off the walls back and forth with no real growth. As soon as they took a step towards fixing their relationship or growing as people, they either tool three steps back or it just got dropped. Stede letting fame get to his head? Interesting and realistic development. And how was it resolved? It wasn't. Stede and Ed being whim prone? I'm glad they brought it up. And then they just fell for another whim and it was presented as a satisfying ending.

Ed went from the Kraken, to taking the first steps towards being Ed, then suddenly all the way to being Ed by way of a Night of Magical Healing Sex that he he didn't actually want to happen because he wasn't ready. And then all of a sudden he pivoted to abandoning Stede and piracy and becoming a fisherman... for 5 min. And then back to Blackbeard again because two fishermen were mean to him for 5 minutes. And then abandoning it again to open an inn. How was any of this even remotely coherent or satisfying? They didn't even have a single conversation about any of it. Ed had more proper closure and communication with Izzy during his dying scene than with Stede and the rest of the crew put together. Izzy's arc got sacrificed to do the heavy lifting for Ed's arc and became nothing more than a shortcut to speed run his character growth. Except it didn't even lead anywhere. "Ed, they're your family, they love you" no they don't, he didn't even have a single positive conversation with any of them except Fang. Of course this could have been the point, and Ed could have seen Izzy's death, his own discovery of found family and his dying words as a pretext to repair his relationship with the crew. But he just left them and stayed with Stede instead.

Sure, you could say this was only the second act of the story, and S3 will resolve everything. But the second act is still meant to move the story and the characters forward in some way. Yes, of course if we get S3, I imagine Stede and Ed's life as innkeepers won't exactly be idyllic. But the problem is that the conflicts they'd have will only be a rehash and repeat of the same conflicts they've already have, or were supposed to have, this season. Multiple times, even. We already know that Ed is simply unable to live with himself no matter what life he chooses. The title of S1 was literally "wherever you go, there you are". We already know Stede's love isn't enough to fix him. We already know their goals in life are completely opposite. Maybe they could have shown Stede realising, after his humiliating in S7, that piracy wasn't all it was cracked up to be or he isn't suited for it, and that's why he chose to leave it behind and open an inn, but that's not the explanation we were given. It was just another whim. They literally didn't learn anything this season. They had two baby conversations in E4 and E5 and didn't take anything from it, just kept doing the complete opposite of anything. "We're both prone to whims, let's take things slow" became "let's take things extremely fast by moving in together permanently and becoming entrepreneurs". They never talked about the actual, deepseated, longstanding trauma issues they needed to resolve before they could even begin to have a proper relationship. They literally got a heavy-handed glimpse in what their life would become if they just stuck together without addressing their own personal issues, and chose to do that very thing. It that's what S3 is going to address, then why were Anne and Mary part of this season instead of the next one?

I remember everyone saying they wanted Ed and Stede to reunite as quickly as possible in S2, and I get why. They have great chemistry together. The season is about them. But for it to work, spending more time apart is exactly what they needed. They needed to learn how to live with themselves and others, first. Romantic love alone can't fix you as a person. You have to fix yourself first. Community can help (as with Izzy's case), but you still have to put in the work. In retrospect, I'm glad that Izzy didn't get a love interest this season - because he wasn't ready yet, and had to learn how to have normal relationships and friendships with other people before attempting an intimate romantic relationship, lest he ended up falling head first unit another toxic mutually dependent relationship. That's what Stede and Ed should have tried too. Instead the show just ended up using Izzy's death as a quick surgical fix, robbing Ed of his agency and having to do the hard work repairing himself and his relationships with other people. There's a sad irony in getting exactly one character's arc just this, and then using it as a sacrificial lamb to patch over the main character's arc.

[total-drama-brainrot]

Owen vampire anon here! Thanks for replying

I do like the idea of a whole horror concept of Owen, might like to play into that scenario one day. But i feel like it would be way more funnier and just...more Owen if it was kept in a more comedic light.

Hear me out on this scenario, everyone knows well enough that Owen might be a vampire. (People got this idea from some of the ideas you listed, and maybe the fact that Owen has mistaken them for food way too many times to be suspicious). But Owen is convinced that no one knows, so in the confessional he's just like "no one must know" dramatically

And then Noah walks up to the confessional like "My best friend might be a vampire. Crazy shit i know right?"

Also it would be really funny if Owen is convinced Izzy is a vampire too due to all her biting, when its really Izzy just doing fun pay back for all of Owen's blood sucking.

Yes! I adore fun light-hearted AUs, and having the vampire Owen AU focus mostly on the hijinks he gets up to in order to protect his "secret" (despite everyone knowing there's something up with him) is so fun. So good. 10/10 concept - especially since it plays into is canonical inability to keep a secret.

I think the initial misconception that Izzy is some sort of supernatural creature would be really funny; a fellow vampire, some sort of werefolk, a zombie(?). Anything known for being as feral and bite-happy as Izzy tends to be. She'd absolutely try to play into the idea, but I can't see her being very convincing at all despite her abilities as an actress - thus she'd be outed as a normal(ish) human being pretty quickly.

Though she'd be more than contented to be Owen's main bloodbag. Izzy's absolutely the type of person who'd have a weird fascination with the supernatural (her actions in the Egypt episodes of World Tour attest to this) and being the primary foodsource for a vampire would be right up her alley.

I see their relationship playing out a lot more vaguely than it did in canon - neither would ever cross the boundary of confirming whether their relationship is official or not, and (if we're getting a little angsty with it) Owen's happier living with their indeterminate situationship than risking asking Izzy to be his girlfriend, only to learn that she barely tolerates the company of a "monster" and doesn't share the sentiment. Or worse. Of course, that's pretty out of character for Izzy, but she is fairly unpredictable and Owen's got good reason to play his cards close to his chest when it comes to his "condition".

I didn't want to talk about Noah in the OG post since a lot of my blog in practically centered around him, but I did have an idea for a scenario where Owen is convinced that Noah is also a vampire, hence why he befriends him so quickly and easily. Because Noah's got pretty much all of the characteristics; he's cold to the touch, generally avoids sunlight and going outside, his footsteps are feather light to the point he moves around silently, he sleeps a lot during the day, ect ect.

To Owen, the only logical conclusion is that Noah is also a vampire who's really bad at masking it. In actuality, Noah's just kind of a weirdo. And anemic.

So Owen's fairly open about his vampirism to Noah, wholly convinced that they're both in the same boat. And Noah takes it in stride because he ran out of fucks to give the moment he arrived on the island and, in all honesty, Owen's pretty good company.

Then you get a scene like the one you proposed - Noah goes into the confessional, says something along the lines of "So my best friend is a vampire. I didn't realise reality TV shows cared that much about their diversity quota, but here we are." And plays off the whole situation in his usual unflappable and snarky way. Did he just have his perception of the world as he knew it shattered under the news that vampires are real? Yeah. Does he care? Not really.

Cue shennanagins where the rest of the Island knows that Owen is a vampire... and maybe they even think he turned Noah? And our favourite idiots are completely unaware and trying desperately to keep Owen's vampirism a secret.

I think it'd be really cool to have someone else on the island be a different type of supernatural being too, and have them work as an antagonistic force towards Owen in this AU. Or have someone be well versed in the occult and, using their knowledge, act as a de facto vampire hunter in a cartoonish game of cat-and-mouse between them and an oblivious Owen. Cough cough Gwen cough.

[sky-fire-forever]

Ya'll need to learn to love more than one character. Like someone loving a certain character does not take away your ability to love a different character or even their ability to love a different character

Izzy's my favorite character, yeah. But why are people assuming I hate Ed?? I fucking love Ed. I adore him so much. He's so baby girl. He tries so hard to be good and a lot of his worse actions are fuelled by his self-hatred and loss. He's fascinating to me and I want to study him like a bug. The way he distances himself from his cruelty ("technically the fire killed those guys") and how he presents himself differently to different people (the party boy to Jack, the sensitive sap with Stede, the ruthless captain to Izzy) are both things that I fucking love analyzing and talk about to my partner constantly. I love how hard he tries to be a good person! I love how he is slowly learning how to care about people on their terms instead of his own. I love his growth and how much he WANTS to grow

You know who else I love? Stede! His compassion and care for the people around him is so touching and I love that he takes so much pleasure in the little things. I love how we've watched his confidence build since the first episode, where he was constantly panicked and nervous, to a capable captain who still loves his crew but will defend himself and won't take as much shit from people like Nigel. He'll defend his crew instead of hiding like a coward. I love how he delights in details like fancy wardrobes and a cursed suit because he takes pleasure in small things like that! In marmalade and puzzle chests. He's a sweetheart and he rejects the idea that he has to be cruel to be capable

Oluwande was my favorite character when I first watched season one (though I dislike a lot of his season two writing because it feels like they dumbed him down) because he's kind and very intelligent. He cares a lot for the crew and he's extremely capable while also being a little goofy and being soooo bad at addressing his feelings. I love that he was so obviously in love with Jim, but had that first instinct of denying it if questioned because that's so often how crushes work! His little "What? No! Shut up!" When the chief pointed out his feelings for Jim still makes me giggle. He's a little awkward, but he's sweet and he's supportive. He also can be a little shit when he wants to be, like when he basically made Jim confront their past because he was petty about them not telling him about it. He's always got people's backs and there's a reason he was chosen to be the captain during the Izzy mutiny.

Jim is a character who means SO much to me as a trans person. Their arc is so special to me and they're also just... so fucking cool. I love their journey of figuring out who they're supposed to be versus who they WANT to be. Their struggle with what's expected of them and them wondering if they even want what they thought they wanted is so touching. Them defending Izzy is actually so great to me because it shows their loyalty and their need to defend their family. It didn't have to be Izzy, it could be any member of the crew and they would have their back. Because that's what family means to them. "Our dick" says a lot about them, as does their little "He was your friend" line. Jim cares about people even when they're quiter and more closed off. Hell, they stabbed a man in the first episode for insulting Frenchie and they didn't even talk yet! Them being the one to tell the Pinocchio story to Fang was so great because it shows just how soft they really are and want to be.

Speaking of, I also adore Fang so so so much. He's such a sweetheart and he's sensitive and he cares so, so much about his friends. He's a big softie and I wanna hug him. I bet he gives such great hugs. As soon as he's given the allowance to be soft, he takes it. He misses his dog that Ed forced him to kill (which I feel like no one talks about?) and gets blushy and giggly about Lucius finding him attractive. He's just!! So fantastic

I wish we knew more about Ivan because I love him and I have so much fun imagining stuff about him. Like how I hc him as a trans woman

Archie as a character is so fun and I wish wish wish we got more of her because I fucking LOVE everything about her. She's so fun to watch and I want to know how she gets along with Oluwande and I want to see her interact with the rest of the crew so badly. The way she fell in love with Jim because of their hope makes me CRY. I love that she kisses Jim while they're covered in blood and there's a rotten leg like a foot away and she doesn't care. I love her energy and her excitement and every scene with her just makes me grin like an idiot. I'm still so mad about the season being cut because I feel like we could have gotten more scenes with her

Roach is fucking great. My partner and I will quote "meat is meat" at each other constantly. He's so ridiculous and I love him. I love how obsessed with Zheng's soup he is. I love his bitchy "how am I supposed to cook here?" when Stede moves them to live under a bridge. I love how chill he is and the faces he makes when he's reacting to things. He's so funny and I love him

Frenchie is my fucking beloved. His mind box is something I think about so often. How he doesn't want to think about all that has happened to him, but doesn't. How hurt he is. How he fucking deserves every bit of becoming captain of his own ship. The fact that he sings and plays an instrument (I do not know what specific instrument he plays. Is it a ukulele?) and sings about how they're all gonna die with a grin on his face. He's a dork and I love how he hides Izzy at great risk to himself because he cares about his family as much as Jim does. The way he expdcts Ed to kill him and basically offers to do it for him just to get it over with (if I'm remembering correctly). I love his superstition and how he believes it's supported by fact! I think his superstitious beliefs are so, so interesting and I want to know where he learned them.

Wee John is so fucking great. How long has he been doing drag? What happened to his mother with whom he used to make dresses? I need to know! I love that he just wants to set things on fire all the time. I love his line about "I'd love to be stabbed by Jim". I love all of him! He's such a fun character

I love Lucius and how trauma genuinely changes him. He's a bitch and he's petty and he loves gossip. He's the first person to insert himself into a shitty breakup, helping both Stede and Ed at different points. Him keeping Jim's sex a secret and him helping both Stede and Ed is so interesting to me! He's a supportive friend and he's a slut (affectionate) and he's a bitch (affectionate) and everything about him makes me obsessed. I like that Stede has to talk to him about opening up about his trauma! I like that Lucius genuinely loves Pete and how his trauma has made him more bitter. I love how he's still the first person to call bullshit on Ed.

Black Pete actually used to annoy me, but he's grown on me. I love that he's such a dork who struggles with insecurity to the point of making shit up about himself. I love how much he loves Lucius! I fucking adore his one-liners and his delivery of them. He's so fucking funny

I could spend fucking hours talking about Mary Bonnet. I love her so much. Everything about her makes me feral. How she refuses to take Stede's bullshit. Her paintings! Her relationship with Doug that seems so fucking sweet. I love this woman. Please bring Mary back. Please. I'm begging

Buttons is Buttons. Everything about him is fucking fantastic and I want to chew on him like a chew toy

Me enjoying a certain character does not take away from my absolute love of other characters. I tend to talk about Izzy most because I find active displays of tragedy more interesting and Izzy and Ed are the most outwardly angsty characters (which is also why I'm usually talking about Kraken Era Ed when I discuss him). They outwardly express more dramatic feelings rather than characters like Stede or Frenchie who bury a lot of those feelings or express them in different ways. Izzy is from the dramatic genre and I love dramas. Comedy writing is not my specialty

But I can recognize that while I think about other characters a lot, I don't talk about them as often. So expect more metas and discussion of more characters in the future (hopefully. I just write things as I think of them and them to my queue tbh)

[shysublimecoffee]

Gwen and Duncan had potential. They barely interacted in season 1 besides that one-off horror episode, and they did had mutual respect in how they each played their respective game. It'd just weird to see how they were best friends immediately starting in s2 and it then fed into the paranoia with their established partners and portrayed and fed their delusion to be right which I hate.

I could see it work but gradually build up over the course of the season in action to make them be closer and then built up to be best friends because having them be so chummy right off the bat it's weird seeing them being so awfully close, although granted they did had a good chemistry in action lol. Why is Gwen confiding with Duncan about Trent someone he feels threatened by? No clue why the show is throwing away Gwen real friendship and sidelining Leshawna over this.

I actually really dislike it when they keep referring or making hints Gwen or Duncan liked it each other in-universe after the tell all in action because honestly wasn't that deep. They're nonconformists of course their interests aligned and they did trouble together but that's not love lol unless you're seeing all this through a shipping lens and over analyzing each interaction that just had no meaning.

I could see ship potential actual happened but s3 destroyed it. By the beginning of Celebrity manhunt special and in season 3 Gwen changed her tune out of nowhere when previously no it wasn't true she wasn't into him like Sierra described lol it felt so contrived and forced seeing that kiss be a wtf moment just speedrunning everything and her being eliminated after 2 episodes for the ratings.

Let's be real for a second alright? Courtney in s2 was insufferable. At least Heather was fun to hate Courtney just worsened it for me. Their relationship peaked in s1 and truthfully was never gonna last their a real life opposites attract but have no future. Courtney becoming more high maintenance and Duncan having all his worst traits just be cranked were annoying. I ain't condoning it but yeah after action and seeing Duncan cheating you understand as a viewer.

The show made her the butt of the joke and always crank her up to be the villain. They really wanted us not to be sympathetic and even with the other two put in a negative light after the cheating fiasco hers aren't favorable as well she's back up on villain agenda instead of being vulnerable or giving her a chance to breathe. The villainization and callling Gwen " New Heather" pissed me the fuck off I swear.

It never was that deep they were forced to be friends for all of 3 days so all of that built up to the cheating fiasco was so that we feel sympathetic to her plight. I... After all stars and them becoming closer again it just went nowhere and up and died.

Gwen the straight women to the other character goofy antics and almost Main character became the girl in and out of the show for her complicated love bomb relationships.

Courtney the know it all but genuinely nice and cared for contestant s and had her sweet moments in immediately helping Izzy and Sadie became a onenote derailment of a control freak whiny my way or the highway always attitude be so presently dominant to everything. She comes first always.

Duncan used to cool and yeah he's pretty casual sexist words were very hypocritical. I'm annoyed the show never addresses it and Ezekiel got flamed for it in-universe. But, still he did had his tender moment of goodwill and his persona bad boy image was chill went so down the drain I pity this dude. He's so obsessed with not being a good guy label he just became a loser by defaul

If Total Drama was a real show then it's irony to me how everyone became worse off it then they were when they started on this show I guess that meta for you.

[dizzy-izzy-in-a-tizzy]

Hi, I'm a transmasc who identifies with Izzy, and writes Izzy as a victim of abuse.

And yes, on the face of things, "Jim is right there." But people, as you know, aren't hot swappable. I'm a lot less like Jim than I am like Izzy. A lot of transmascs feel similarly.

On a personal level, I'm disabled, and it happened somewhat recently. Not only am I disabled, but my biggest concern after the accident was whether or not I'd still be able to fight.

But I identified with Izzy long before season two.

My first watch, I didn't know how to feel about him and I low-key didn't like him. But I came around in 1x10, and on rewatch I took a much closer look at his interactions with Edward. 1x4 in particular shifted my perspective on Edward, particularly knowing what was coming later. "That's their job, they're pirates."

I would have absolutely told Edward to fuck off, too. To this day, I think Izzy was wrong to apologize—Edward risked all their lives needlessly, and almost got them all killed.

But that's a trend among transmascs, tbh. We considered ourselves boys, but we were told we had to be dainty and hide our anger and be good little girls. Our aggression and our spite towards civil society is often an act of defiance against those who would have crushed us, had they had the ability. They didn't, so we live as vocally and brashly as we like. We don't hesitate to call a spade a spade—or a twat, a twat.

We are also often victims of abuse, myself included. Where a lot of people were able to watch the toe scene in 1x10 and see it as a just comeuppance, some of us saw this as a violation of bodily autonomy in one of the worst ways. The intimate nature of the scene, and Izzy's nuanced reaction, lended itself to interpretations around intense power dynamics that leaned a little too close to intimate partner violence.

A lot of people were surprised Edward went off the deep end in season two. My only surprise was that they decided to say it with their whole chest, and that editorial interference didn't get in the way.

I don't particularly believe in good or bad people, but Edward's behaviors have never been good. The power imbalance between him and Izzy has never been healthy, and his behavior in 1x4 was legitimately crazymaking. Textbook, to the point that real people believe Izzy was in the wrong for calling Ed a twat and resigning.

Given all that happened in canon, I think I've made it pretty clear why a past or future of abuse made sense given the information we had in season one. Especially given that season two opened on abuse that was leagues worse than anything most of us wrote.

PS. The implication that abuse victims writing about abuse is "kink tomato" shit is high key dismissive of our experiences.

My problem is not with kink, which is human and valuable. My problem is with dismissing us talking about abuse as just being kink, because we couldn't actually be victims 🤙

Also I'm curious where these Stede abusing Izzy fics are. I'm sure they exist, but I've read both the steddyhands and stizzy tags on AO3 in depth, and somehow missed it every single time.

I find it so interesting that a significant number of transmasc fans identify with Izzy and headcanon Izzy as trans, when Jim, a canon transmasc nonbinary character, is RIGHT THERE. I have also seen several fanfics about trans Izzy that put him into situations where he is physically and sexually abused by Ed and/or Stede. Kink tomato and all that, but I just don't understand a) why Izzy is the character who is most often made trans, and b) why some people who write Izzy as trans like writing fics where he is a victim of abuse.

#32.

[itsclydebitches]

Since you saw UA, can I have wierd ask? Given Allison Whispered her husband and her daughter and the went back to this mindset to make a public display of it for petty revenge while putting Ray in danger... I don't get how some people whine she's 'completely out or character' in S4? I fully get not liking her character regression (they set up her trauma well enough, but could've done more), but accusing show of bad writing leaves bad taste in my mouth. It's not exactly antis retoric, but the 'I don't like it so it's bad writing' is close enough to 'I don't like it so it's wrong and evil and illegal' that it just makes me really dislike it.

I’m not in-in the UA fandom—I see the occasional post on my dash and have watched each season once—so idk how much of this is actually "I don’t like it so it’s wrong" and how much is simply fans misremembering things, but I’ve got a feeling that a lot of it is probably the latter. Allison is an interesting character in that we're introduced to her at the start of a redemption arc (if we want to call it that) where we catch the tail end of a years long descent into bad behavior, but that quickly gives way to UA’s crazy plot and, as a result, her own improvement. Fans are used to seeing her as the Good one and that’s even a characterization that season three draws attention to, with her initial, heartfelt acceptance of Viktor and others like Diego essentially going, "Hey, weren’t you always the sweet and level-headed one? Haha since when do you want to start bar fights?" Combine that with it taking two years for season three to come out and it’s been a long time since most casual viewers—not those re-watching and/or frequently coming across GIF summaries on their dash—have seen the version of Allison that’s willing to Rumor her young child. Season three is absolutely a regression on her part, but it can feel like OOC behavior if you don’t remember (or remember well) where she started out. Some of the fandom are (correctly) going, “Of course she’s doing this. Allison has always had a problem with trying to control her life with her powers and the trauma of, well, everything, has made her grab at that horrific 'fix' again” whereas others simply go, “Why is the Good One suddenly trying to rape her brother?”

Because yeah, as a sidenote, I don’t think the extreme nature of Allison’s actions helped on-the-fence viewers consider her arc more carefully. I mean, UA as a whole is extreme—I do think it’s a complicated and possibly even useless discussion to try and figure out which sibling has done ‘the worst’ as a result of their trauma—but any time you give a character failings that feel personal to the audience, they're going to come out looking worse than someone who has just objectively done heinous, but otherwise personally removed things. Fans hate Snape more than Voldemort because a cruel teacher hits harder than someone trying to take over the whole world. Fans hate Izzy more than Ed because a homophobic jab hits harder than giving an order to skin and drown someone. Fans currently hate Allison more than Viktor because attempted rape + insults that deliberately target trauma hit harder than trying to destroy the world in season one. We respond most viscerally to those antagonists/villains whose actions we can personally relate to. By not just having Allison do Objectively Bad Things, but things that are personal to the other characters and therefore personal to the viewers who care about them, there’s a knee-jerk anger that can override the logic of, “How did Allison get here and how realistic is this response?”

I’m of the same mind that they set up her trauma really well. No, I don’t think any of that is bad writing. If fans don’t remember where Allison started out and/or aren’t willing to understand how a black woman being thrown into the civil rights movement/losing her husband/coming back to find her daughter no longer exists might be really fucking hard to deal with… that’s not the fault of the writers. Toss in the superpower to literal bend people to your will and I’d be crying bad writing if Allison HADN’T given in to that temptation. Unless you’re going for a paragon of virtue here—which, you know, is not in any way UA’s style lol—it would be totally unrealistic. So I’ve got no problem with any of that. However, what I do have a problem with is where Allison directed her grief. With the disclaimer that yeah, sure, grief isn’t always logical, it’s simply insane to me that they had her focus so hard on Harlan and Viktor when it’s clear to anyone thinking about it for a hot second that they are not responsible for this mess. (Not outside of Viktor’s long term consequences, anyway.) That thinking of, “You changed the timeline by killing our mothers, so that’s why my daughter is gone” is… so stupid?? Allison knows Harlan didn’t change things, they did. They were the catalyst by going to Reginald and unknowingly convincing him to adopt a different set of kids. Even if Harlan hadn’t killed their moms, what? Allison thinks a version of her that never grew up with the Umbrellas is going to be the exact same person? Marry the same man? Have sex on the exact same day? Give birth to the same child? And then she’ll do what exactly? Kill off the version of herself that already exists here so she can raise “her” child instead? It’s so stupid. And I was waiting for someone else to tell her it was stupid! If we’re really going to go with Allison being so grief-stricken she can’t think straight to that extent, at least have others try to get her to see sense. Instead, Five freaks out that Viktor told a lie and I’m like… really? That’s where we’re drawing the line in this family? Worse, you want to give a lecture about how powerful people shouldn’t make decisions alone? You, the founder of this entire, universe-manipulating organization who constantly tries to call all the shots, insulting the intelligence of anyone who dares voice an opinion? With the note that I adore Five: HA. That's hilarious.

Basically, I think there was great setup and… a lot of bad follow through. I would have much preferred Allison to just fixate on the briefcase in an attempt to go back and fix the timeline, not this weird Harlan-Viktor revenge plot (and I'm still not sure how I feel about season three's ending where, thus far, she's gotten everything she wanted). So no, it’s not bad writing to have Allison go off the deep end like she did, but the focus of that grief was pretty misplaced imo. And not in a “grief makes you crazy” way with everyone else acknowledging how misplaced it is. No, the family is happy to just sit there while Allison absolutely eviscerates Viktor and then they pressures him to make peace. Which he does. And it’s still thrown back in his face.

…I feel like this post makes it sound like I didn’t enjoy the season. I very much did! But this specific plot-line generated Big Feelings and not all of them were positive lol.

[ares-would-be-proud]

Izzy said: Fairy! Im so excited for your dark content!! Since i saw it on your other blog, may i request for yandere bertholdt 👀 i feel the would make the most unsuspecting but worst (or best?) Yandere next to armin because he's so gentle and unassuming and shy, no one would ever think he has other intentions

Yandere Bertolt pt.I

{ Bertolt x reader | tw:yandere, tw:toxic-behaviour, tw:near-death experince, tw:murder mystery? Eh kinda, tw:manipulation tw:Emotional-rollercoster | Dark romance, fluff, slowburn, lowkey funny ngl | Canonverse }

{ "Roses" 1878 by George Cochran Lambdin 1830–1896 }

Securing the last belt around your thighs before attaching it to the one near your knees, you made sure to tighten it as much as you can before sliding it in the metal head.

Having the equipment room all to yourself, you took your time in double-checking everything was in place. Making sure your gas tanks were filled, carrying spare steel blades and tightening your boot strings.

The manoeuvring gear's parts made a clinking sound against each other with every step you took. Making your way to the nearby woods acting as the training ground, the sun shining made you shield your eyes with your hands, taking some seconds to adjust to the brightness.

The road was clear, with almost no birds or squirrels in sight.

It was one of those days when the wind seemed so fast as it swept by you, so much in fact that you could visibly see the few clouds swimming by as if they're racing each other. A perfect day to spend near a lake maybe, or in a field of flowers, but you had to spend it training in the woods with the other soldiers till your fingers ached from pressing against the handgrips.

You wanted to get it over with, feeling nauseous. Probably because you managed to oversleep and miss breakfast.

It started as normally as any other training session went, pushing through till your autopilot took over. While fun at first, there's so much manoeuvring between tree branches to slash at 2d wooden cutout of titans you could do before it started getting repetitive.

And so you let your body take over and move on its own, taking you further and further towards the edge of the forest till you couldn't hear the sound of anyone else's manoeuvring gear except your own.

The high wind rustling the trees making the leaves fall distorted your visions as they fell on you, and the flashing sunlight that swept through the small openings between the leaves only made things worse.

Blinding you for split seconds, too bright in fact, that you had to close your eyes shut as it burned after the light fell directly against it.

It's only after a couple of seconds late, that the sound of something snapping registered in your brain.

You were slowly turning in the air, strong wind resistance coming from below as gravity pulled you down.

Things were moving too quickly to process, dread shot through your entire body in shivers, you could feel your heartbeat in the back of your throat as you came closer and closer to the ground.

No matter how many times your clammy hands attempted to work the pistol-shot, no hooks attached to the nearby trees despite the gears working as you heard its zipping noise.

The realisation of the situation you're in finally settled, you couldn't do a single thing, but watch the trees grow larger and larger by the second as you fell to your doom.

You've survived many expeditions and missions, you've escaped Titans teeth that were mere inches from biting your head off, and this is what will put you seven feet below? A mere fall?

...no, it wasn't just a fall, it was arrogance for taking it for granted. After all, overconfidence was a slow and insidious killer, sneaking on the second you let your guard down.

But was it?

A flash of today's morning comes before your eyes, your brain recalling the unusual spot your manoeuvring gear was placed, you were too sleepy to notice it at the time but now it's the only thing on your mind, did someone-

Before you could hit the ground, the familiar sound of pressured gas fizzling out followed by the clinking of metal swishing by.

One second you were almost slamming into the hard ground, the next you were caught by someone mid-flight.

Bertolt tightly pressed you against his chest with one arm, securing you in place while his other used his gear to reach the nearest tree branch.

Your hands wrapped around him, securing yourself even more. He didn't flinch when your nails accidentally scratched his neck from how hard you were holding him.

Despite how close you were to his chest, your own hammering heartbeat was the only sound you could hear for it was stuck in your throat as the adrenaline pumped through your veins.

You hesitantly let go the second your feet touched the ground, although still shaking you managed to find your balance again, yet, Bertolt's hand didn't leave your back.

You looked below at the wires dangling from your gear, their end visibly thinner than the rest of it. It still didn't register how a wire made out of iron could snap so easily…

Your thoughts were interrupted by the hand reluctantly turning your face back up, Bertolt's nervous eyes meeting yours.

"Don't look down too much, you'll get dizzy" he said, concern clear in his voice before stepping closer to you, his large body tucking you between him and the tree behind, as if you might slip away "are you okay? Did you get injured?"

A bit taken back by his dotting, you shook your head before thanking him for not letting you fall.

"Don't mention it please...it's nothing, really." That seemed to make the corner of his lips rise a bite, slight flushing to his ears. "Maybe you should get some rest, you didn't seem well back there."

Was he watching?

The thought disappeared from your mind as quickly as it came, the guy saved you from a head injury after all, the least you could do is give him the benefit of the doubt.

Not to mention, it was Bertolt. Has it been any other guy, Reiner or Jean for example, then your attitude towards this whole thing would've been completely different. Putting as much space as you can between the two of you after brushing off their hands.

Has it been any other guy...but it wasn't now, was it?

No. It was Bertolt, soft-spoken and easily flustered Bertolt, who got nervous in most situations and didn't reply to teasing.

Bertolt, who didn't say a thing when Eren stole his seat next to Reiner, instead settled to sit next elsewhere.

Bertolt, who always remained humble and downplayed his skills despite ranking in the top five and becoming a really valuable soldier.

Bertolt, who you've only ever said hi to before once before he seemed to panic and just awkwardly wave back instead.

Maybe that's why you didn't mind him being so close, he wasn't a threat and most everyone knew that. If you asked people to rank the top three men they'd feel safe in a room with, Bertolt would almost make it to everyone's top two.

And so when he offered to walk you back to your room, it didn't raise any red flags despite it meaning you'd be alone with him in the dorms while everyone was training.

-

The short walk went fairly nice actually, he kept a respectful space between you while making sure to walk at a slower pace so his height wouldn't force you to jog.

From the sweat collecting at his forehead and his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt he seemed to struggle to find a good conversation starter.

You could read him like an open book, it was quite endearing the way he commented over how nice the weather is, four times in a row while stumbling over his words. But you weren't that cruel and so you decided to grant him mercy, starting a topic yourself.

Talking about your interest, hobbies and things you'd do whenever those rare moments of peace and normalcy would arrive.

He shared his too, apparently, he's into journaling, finding it much easier to write his thoughts on paper than out loud.

One conversation pulled another, as he seemed to grow more comfortable the more you talked.

Although, he wouldn't meet your eyes for more than 5 seconds before turning his gaze away, yet you could feel them staring at you the second you turn your head.

Somewhere between your conversation, the subject switched to talking about life. Bertolt asked you if this is the kind of life you've wanted, words unusually firm that it made you pause.

The question was out of place, a huge switch from your previous fun topics.

Nonetheless, you answered, "I don't think anyone would willingly choose this life. It's more of...doing the most out of the cards you've been dealt, this just happened to be mine."

The sound of his footsteps stopped, you looked at his face, he didn't look away.

"Would you rather have a more normal life?"

The way he stood, his back to the sun with you in his shadow, an unreadable expression on his face, really brought out his height and large build that you've almost forgotten.

you unconsciously took a step back, he took a step forward.

"If by normal you mean a non-starving one where I'm not at the risk of being eaten daily, then yeah." You answered, time felt like it slowed down. The seconds stretched for too long as you watched his reaction.

He...smiled, a sincere smile, the kind that makes your eyes shine. Soft expression seemingly relieved as he continued walking, a slight bounce to his steps.

"I'd love that too, to have a normal life one day."

And then he proceeded to tell you about his dream, the normal life of peacefulness he seeks. Sharing as many details as time would allow, from the kind of person he wants to grow up to be, to the colour he wants to paint the house backyard's fence.

It was lavender.

When he mentioned wanting a dog, you couldn't decide what was funnier, the mental image of Bertolt with an equally almost as big kind of dog, or a small tiny breed that would fit in his hands. Taking him for walks and playing catch as the dog tackles him to the ground.

Some chuckles escaped your lips, and while Bertolt didn't know what you were smiling about, nonetheless he joined too.

-

Your time together was cut short when the dorms came into view. Feeling both relief for finally being able to rest and disappointment for having to end your conversation so soon, especially since you think this is the first actual talk you had with him besides saying hi before.

Bertolt, looking out for you, made sure to hold the door to your room open for you. Some part of your brain wondered how exactly he managed to guess which room was yours, the other simply couldn't wait to get into bed.

You sat on the bed, Bertolt invited himself in and closed the door behind him.

He took his time looking around your shared room with his eyes, staring at the titles of the books splayed on the table, taking in the smell of scented incense your roommate bought every month, the doodles, drawings and notes hanging by mere tape against the wall.

Finally, eyes landing on the top bunk bed, currently empty with your roommate having left too early in the morning for the preparations of their next expedition.

Well...after all you were too used to waking up by the sound of them opening and closing all the drawers in search of their glasses that they manage to lose each day, yet yesterday they made sure to sleep next to it.

Huh, maybe that's why you overslept.

Yet, Bertolt's eyes didn't move as he stared seconds too long, shoulders growing stiff and palms tightening against his side.

"They left for an expedition, a titan capturing one... I think." You explained, "it's supposed to last three days, but since it's led by Captain Hange...I wouldn't be too surprised if they still haven't left yet."

"Must be nice, having the room for yourself."

You agreed before adding "well, it still gets too lonely sometimes."

Bertolt looked like he wanted to say something, lips parting for a second before he pressed them close into a thin line.

An awkward silence filled the room, as you looked at Bertolt who seemed to revert back to his old nervousness.

"I think I should go, Reiner must be looking for me."

You thanked him again for his help, he avoided your eyes before mumbling a reply, saying it's really nothing.

Did you do something wrong? You couldn't help but think that, after all things were going so well just now. Why would he get on edge again?

As a final attempt to redeem yourself from whatever unknown act you must've committed for Bertolt to act this uncomfortable, you called out to him one last time.

"Hey, Bertolt. I know we technically just met but, just know you can drop by anytime okay? You seem like a nice person and we can be friends."

Oh god did you really say, we can be friends, what is this kindergarten again? Welp you fucked up, looks like it's another failure to add to the calendar, man and you've been keeping such a clean track of days without accidents.

You know what? No, forget it, you tried your best and you had good intentions so why should you ever feel guilty for-

"You really mean that?" Bertolt, whom

You've become aware was still in the room, said.

Not sure how to reply to this, you just gave a nod instead.

"I'd love that." He spoke with a soft tone. And despite his growing desire to move closer to you, he opened the door instead, sparing you one last sweet smile before he left.

And for a good minute there, his smiling face was all that occupied your mind, a fluttering feeling that came and went too quickly for you to acknowledge.

-

True to your predictions, the mission was apparently delayed till midnight for...undisclosed reasons. Although gossip spread faster than wildfire, and by dinner time everyone was talking about the argument Captain Hange and Captain Levi got into, the story got modified and exaggerated each time it was passed around.

"Listen, I was there and I saw it! Well...not with my own eyes but it doesn't matter." Your roommate said, too eager to spill you everything that they almost forgot to eat their food. "It was big, like Captain Miche having to restrain Levi kind of big!"

You gave them a silent look, raising an eyebrow.

"...okay jeez it didn't get this far but it felt like it did, like it almost happened." They poked their food with the fork, before deciding to try some.

Their pouting face almost made you want to tease them even more, just to see what corner you can back them into before they confess to making up half the story they've been telling you.

But a wrenching gut feeling suddenly shot through your body, coming almost out of nowhere, the kind you'd usually feel whenever a titan was targeting you.

Confusion was naturally your first response, there couldn't be any titans nearby. You swallowed down, no don't be silly, it doesn't even make sense.

Maybe...maybe it was one of those cases you studied in class? About people getting PTSD flashbacks at random times, or from small triggers?

The air seemed too cold and too hot at the same time, you forced your eyes to move around the room in an attempt to remind yourself everything is fine, that you're here.

Seeing your friends, fellow soldiers and veterans just sitting around, enjoying their food while joking with their friends, helped ground you to reality again.

Yeah...see? Nothing's wrong, everyone's having a good time so-

Your gaze met Bertolt's, dark eyes staring back but not at you. No, instead they were focused on your roommate. The knot in your stomach twisted.

Beside him, Reiner was murmuring something under his breath as he leaned closer to Bertolt, his stare following the other's gaze.

Reiner seemed unusual, drops of sweat collecting at his forehead while Bertolt was the opposite, the calmest you've ever seen him actually.

Reiner gave Bertolt one final look, lips moving too fast for you to attempt to even read. Bertolt nodded.

And then it was like nothing happened, both of them going back to their usual selves. Reiner's attention was stolen by Eren asking about his food, while Bertolt looked at Jean who sat next to him without asking before commenting on Eren.

"Hey, are you okay? You look…" your roommate said, concern in their voice before their hand found your forehead. "I heard what happened this morning, with the manoeuvring gear, I didn't want to bring it up but…"

You didn't have to be told twice, and so you reassured them it's okay, you'll get some rest, not like you'd complain about having an excuse to get a day off.

That seemed to make them satisfied, well...that and making you swear on the scouts' honour to take care of yourself while they're away.

After dinner, as you were headed to your room while your roommate had to get to the stable before heading out with their group, you passed by Reiner.

It wouldn't have been unusual, wasn't it for the fact he was fully in his uniform with gear ready that you had to do a double-take.

You swore you just saw him in casual clothes at dinner...was he also going on that mission? Huh, weird you can't remember seeing his name on the list.

-

The week passed by slower than you would've liked, with both of the survey corps Captains gone, most of the soldiers...really had nothing to do but waste time.

It was almost funny, wasn't it for the fact you were bored out of your mind.

Captain Miche rarely gave orders, the only time you'd see him is during training season when everyone had to do a round with him. While commander Erwin didn't really entrust soldiers who weren't close to him with his paperwork or even chores.

At least Sasha and Connie were making the most of it, whatever they were doing seemed fun…

Bertolt never took you up on your offer either, despite him seemingly having a positive reaction to wanting to be friends he didn't show up at all.

Yet you'd still see him hovering by, either being assigned the same chore together or simply happening to be in the same room at the same time. And despite how much you've thought about going up to him to start a conversation, you knew how to read between the lines. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable that's all.

He'll come when he's ready, is what you told yourself.

And well, you were right, eventually, he did.

Not only did he initiate talking, he even attempted to ask if you'd like to accompany him to the nearby town maybe.

With the way his hands were clasped behind his back and slight flushing to his cheeks as he summoned all his courage to ask you that, how could you say no?

-

It was almost like seeing an entirely different person.

Bertolt, in his casual clothes, as he strolled by you through the food stands, seemed a much more...healthier version of himself?

He looked at peace, the smile never leaving his lips. He even made jokes and shared his opinions without being asked.

Whenever you went to check something that stole your attention, he would quickly follow by to erase any form of distance. Whenever your eyes fell on a piece of accessories for too long, he'd suggest you try it on, putting it on you himself.

And yet, whenever his hand would brush yours by accident while walking, he'd almost stumble into the ground and quickly pull it back. Or the time you attempted to adjust the collar of his shirt and you swore his knees almost gave out when you stepped closer, reaching his neck.

Both of you tried different kinds of food, he even offered you his own if you seemed to enjoy a certain food. Saying he'd rather you have it.

Both of you being broke soldiers ment there are only so many things you can do in the town before quickly burning through your savings.

It wasn't long before he suggested going back, you agreed to take the long walk back to enjoy nature a bit more.

You've wondered how come Bertolt only seems the most comfortable when talking to you on walks, but the story he was telling you was too interesting for you to think about it now.

You listened to him talk, it felt like you could listen to him for hours on end before getting bored. For someone who rarely spoke, he surely did have a way with words when he actually did.

It was nice, comfortable and gave you a false sense of normalcy as if the world was okay for a short while.

One final thought you had just before the both of you parted to go to your separate rooms, was that if Bertolt was going to write about this day in his journal.

-

For each day of the remaining week, you and Bertolt managed to hang out more and more.

You went to the lake, a frog landed on him that you had to remove because he was too nervous he might crush it.

He took you to a nearby spot in the town, it seemed normal at first but he just told you to wait. Apparently, each after some dogs would frequent this spot and Bertolt has already made friends with most of them.

And on the last day, both of you actually just spent it...in his room. He had a really comfortable bed and feather pillows that you almost didn't want to leave. And despite sharing a bed he still would keep space between you, no matter the uncomfortable positions he had to sit in.

By the end of the week, the expedition group arrived during sundown.

Their heads lifted high, pride clearly across their faces as they rode their horses. Captain Hange especially seemed much more excited than usual, barely managing to stay still on their horse.

The mission was a success apparently, they've managed to capture two titans with zero mortality rate and minor injuries.

...well almost a zero rate.

You were called into Erwin's office in the middle of the night, when Moblit knocked on your door asking you to quietly follow him.

The night air was cold against your thin clothes, silence filling the usually busy hallways, now errly empty.

Knocking before he told you to enter, he seemed busy with some paperwork, instead offering you a seat and asking to wait shortly.

The curtains behind him were closed shut, the candle sitting on his desk seemed on the verge of burning out, melted wax collecting on the plate under it.

It wasn't till after some seconds that you realised you weren't alone in the room, Captain Levi was leaning against the wall on the other side, arms crossed.

The scratching of the pen against the papers would occasionally get replaced with the sound of dipping the metal head inside the liquid ink container, carefully wiping it against the opening to remove any overflowing liquid.

Your fingers fiddled with the red cushion on the armchair, leg slightly bouncing before you force it to stop each time.

Waiting...and waiting.

The back of your throat felt scratchy, only becoming aware of how dry your mouth was then. Attempting to swallow down as a form of relief didn't help much.

"Here, drink it." A glass of water was offered to you by Levi, handing it to you before going back against the wall.

Saying a small thank you before finishing the glass, you felt slightly better afterwards. Although the growing tension in the air didn't help ease your mind.

"Cadet." Erwin clasped his hands, "I apologise for calling you here this late, although considering the circumstances I'm sure you'd understand."

Opening one of the desk drawers, Erwin pulled out something wrapped in a napkin, the white cotton having a growing reddish stain in its middle.

"I offer my condolences."

-

[queen-lilith-fanfics]

Silence is Deadly - Chapter Four

Alright, things are happening. I'm going to put some characters through pain, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Tagging @elven-aeterna because they're ninety percent of my motivation.

Also, if you don't like blood, avoid part II of this. We have some blood.

Am I going to ignore the fact it took me FOREVER to write this chapter? Yes. But I have Ao3 now and will be cross-posting on there so I can finally find some motivation. Hopefully.

All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

Part I - Family

Jace is going to be okay, Brother Zachariah said. Jace was passed out on the bed, Alec still gripping onto his hand. He just needs to be left alone.

I don't want to leave him, Alec replied. Even if him and Jace weren't connected with the parabatai bond, Alec still felt attached to him.

Just step out of the room for a few minutes and then your can check on him again, Zachariah explained.

Okay. If he could have, Alec would have sighed. Instead, he got up, slowly letting go of Jace's hand.

Walking out of the room, Alec saw Izzy waiting outside. She gasped and flung her arms around Alec. He slowly hugged her back.

"Are you okay?" Izzy asked him.

I'm close enough, Alec replied.

"I feel so sorry for you," she whispered, crying a little. Alec missed that part of his humanity, the way you could let out a little of your emotions.

You know I'm going to be fine. I always endure.

"Alec, you can't carry the burden of the entire family on your back. It's going to break you one day."

He hadn't thought of that. The way he always tried to take the burden off his family, the people he loved, and carried it on his own.

Footsteps were coming down the hallway. Izzy quickly let go of Alec, stepping back. Alec turned around, and faced his parents.

The last time Alec had seen his parents, Robert and Maryse were walking him to the City of Bones, practically dragging him to be a Silent Brother. They had ignored his pain, and changed his life forever.

"Alexander," Robert said.

It's Bother Nehemiah now, he corrected.

"Fine," Robert replied. "You're here."

Jace was in trouble. Brother Zachariah brought me along. I didn't have choice. Same as when I became a Silent Brother.

"What were we supposed to do with you?" Maryse asked. "You are not a part of this family. If anyone in Idris found out-"

Alec waved a hand. For some reason being in love is worse than forcing your son to be a Silent Brother. Why is our society so screwed up when we're supposed to be fighting for good? At least half of the Downworld is better than you.

Maryse just stared forward. This was out of character for Alec, but he didn't care. He was angry.

You took away part of my humanity, Alec said. Remember that next time you see me.

Part II - Signing

"So now what?" Magnus asked, not sure what to happen after Malcolm delivered the perfect cliffhanger line.

"Give me your hand," Malcom said. Magnus reached his hand out and pulled out a small knife.

"Hey, what-" Magnus asked. Malcolm, before we could finish his sentence, slashed his palm with the knife.

"Ow!" Malcolm took Magnus's hand and dribbled a small bit of his blood onto a piece of paper.

"There you go," he responded. "Just a small bit of blood to tie you to the oath. Come back here in a week and I'll tell you what to do."

"That was a little anticlimactic," Magnus admitted. He clutched his bleeding hand to his chest, trying to heal the cut with magic.

"Well we got the job done."

Magnus sighed and got up. He tried to stay composed but it was very hard for him.

"I don't want to wait," Magnus whispered.

"I've waited a hundred years," Malcolm replied. "You can wait a few more days."

Part III - Waiting

When Magnus finally got back to his apartment Tessa was standing in the doorway, hands on her hips.

"Where were you?" she asked, glaring at Magnus.

"Trying to find a way to get Alec back," Magnus replied honestly. He pushed past Tessa and walked into his own home.

"Don't tell me you were breaking into the Silent City!" Tessa yelled.

"No just making a deal with Malcolm Fade."

Silence fell between them. Magnus turned around and made slight eye contact with Tessa. She looked scared.

"I already have had too much happen because of that man," Tessa said. "I almost lost my Lucie to him. Magnus, know the kind of company you keep."

"It's the only way," Magnus whispered. "If I need to I'll get Ragnor on my side." Magnus plopped down on his sofa, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "I can convince him."

"I don't think you can," Tessa replied, sitting down next to Magnus.

"He's coming over anyway because he's been cat-sitting," he shot back. "He has no clue who Malcolm is, except that he took his place. Ragnor would be willing to support me."

"Ragnor doesn't particularly like you with Alec. He hates your rants at 3 AM about him."

Magnus sighed, throwing his head back. "Well what choice do I have? Tess, if you could get Jem back, free and unscathed, to love him like you wanted to back in the day, would you?"

"I'd do anything for him," Tessa whispered back.

"And now you understand how I feel."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Eight

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Seven

Read here on wattpad

A/N: Question — what song do you think of when you think of Nikki and Viv? I'm trying to see something

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Sexual situations, Drug abuse

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My bare feet hook underneath his thighs the second I realize he's about to  finish and he gives a crooked smirk up at me, his breathing beginning to shallow.

Nikki holds my hips still, groaning out as his cum coats the inside of me, causing me to let out a hazey moan, my mind cloudy from our rather lengthy round.

Once he's finished, I'm getting off of him and falling beside him, catching my breath as we recover is silence fore several minutes.

"Are you on birth control or something?" He asks me out of nowhere and I tense up, looking at him.

"Why're you asking?"

"I've been thinking about it since Vince and Sharise had Skylar, for some reason. I mean, I haven't used a rubber since we started dating and most of the time I don't pull out, and we've only had one pregnancy scare in the past, what, like, four years?"

"You've managed to keep track of how long we've been together?" I ask him, pretending to be shocked and he gently hits my arm with the back of his hand, and I chuckle, rolling over to face him, my lips pressing to his bicep for a moment.

I think I'm in the clear, dodging his question, but I'm not.

"I'm being serious, Viv, are you on something or...?" He asks and I lick my lips.

"Maybe my antidepressant affects fertility, I don't know." I shrug, lying through my teeth. "Drugs can cause issues on your end, too, so maybe that's another reason."

"Oh." He replies.

I avoid looking at him, sitting up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed before reaching down to grab his shirt by my feet.

You know those lies, that start simple and small, and then snowball more and more over time and explode in flames from hell that melt the snow and turn it into scalding hot water that leaves third-degree burns on the person that's being lied to? Yeah, we both had lots of those, and that was one of mine.

I

take a shower and brush my teeth, excited for my plans tonight, and as I start putting makeup up on, Nikki's getting in the shower.

"Are you and Robin going out tonight?" I ask him.

"Uh, yeah. Sparkie's coming, too." He replies and I roll my eyes.

I know they'll go out to a club and hide in the bathroom, shooting up and snorting blow a  majority of the time, only leaving to get some drinks.

"My doctor was really curious as to why I needed a refill so soon being that he gave me a month supply a week before Sparkie traded it." I comment to remind him Sparkie's a piece of shit.

"Sparkie learned his lesson, baby." He tells me in a half-chuckle and I raise my brows at myself in the mirror and turn the sink on.

"Jesus fuck, Viv!" He screams, being bombarded with ice cold water for a moment.

"Awe, I'm sorry, maybe Sparkie can sympathize with you." I reply smartly.

He's getting out of the shower, covered in suds, glaring at me, and I take off running with him chasing close behind.

"Spoiled brat!" He calls at me, the both of us naked as jaybirds.

"Trader bastard!" I say back, right before he catches me, pulling me against his wet, soapy body, his hands not skipping a moment to start tickling me.

I squeal, the both of us falling to the floor, my feet and legs kicking out of instinct.

"Don't you do it." He threatens. "Remember what happened last time."

"Not my fault you're a pussy." I reply, immediately regretting it when he starts tickling me again, this time, getting on top of me to pin me down.

He doesn't let up until I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears, and he's tired of struggling with me.

We look at each other for a minute, before he grins and kisses me.

"I gotta finish getting ready." He tells me, getting off of me and helping me up.

"Yeah, I do, too."

I decided a nice trip to Malibu would be a great thing for GN'R. I mean, go to Tansy's house there, have her invite over some of her single girl friends to mingle with the guys, stay over night so they don't have to worry about whether or not they'd be able to crash at their stripper friends' apartment and sleep on the floor that night, have a nice breakfast together the next morning, and just give Axl and Izzy time to really get to know Tansy, because they haven't hung out with her very much, while Slash, Duff and Steven see her almost more than I do.

I glance around the living room of Tansy's Malibu beach house, seeing beach bunnies all around with perfectly tanned skin, bombshell hair and perfect smiles, then look at Steven and Slash, who seem to be having a pretty good time.

They both look like they're in heaven, girls on either side of them, obviously fans of their work on the Sunset Strip back in L.A.

Izzy took a girl up to the guest bedroom long ago, while Axl's just nursing a bottle of Jack, with a beautiful brunette chattering his ear off while he's pretending not to care about what Tansy's doing as she talks to one of her girl friends across the room.

I do a mental head count, and notice my 6'4 blonde is nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he found a girl or two of his own and followed in Izzy's footsteps, taking over a spare room?

I brush it off, deciding it's none of my business and step to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi out of the fridge. 

When I pass by the doors that lead to the balcony over looking the ocean, though, I see the outline of someone sitting in the lounge chair. 

Recognizing the slender frame, I grab my soda and head outside, Duff looking over his shoulder to see who I am, before smiling at me innocently, bottle of Vodka by his foot and pack of Marlboros on one knee as a sketch pad and pen are being supported by his other.

"Hi." I say as he scoots over to make room for me. "Mr. Social Butterfly." I add, sarcastically.

"Hey." He replies, moving his Vodka over so I won't knock it down with my foot.

"I figured you be eating that up." I motion to the door, referring to the gorgeous girls inside and he chuckles a little.

"I don't know, I haven't really been feeling chicks lately." He tells me and I furrow my brows a little.

"Well, I'm sure she has some boy friends, too, if you're feeling something different." I inform him, knowing what he meant, but he laughs and shakes his head.

"Not like that, Viv." He tells me and I pull my red hair behind my shoulders to get it out of my face, before taking a sip of my drink. "I've been, uh, working on something new, kinda. The lyrics have been going off left and right in my head, I just thought I'd better get somewhere quiet and write them down before I lose them." He explains, holding up his notepad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I feel like I've intruded, or messed up his groove, about to leave him alone to finish but he puts his hand on my knee to stop me from standing up.

"No, no, it's fine." He insists, taking his hand off of me, not thinking anything of it, despite me feeling warmth radiate from where he touched me.

I ignore it.

"I've already gotten everything I had in mind, so far." He explains. "Just a verse and chorus."

"What's the name of it?" I ask, and he scratches the back of his neck.

"I don't know if I need to tell you. I'm superstitious about this stuff, Viv." He tells me, even though he's completely full of shit.

He just wants to aggravate me.

"It's just the title, Duff. You let me hear you say 'turn around, bitch, I gotta use for you' and this can't be worse than that." I point out and he chuckles, licking his lips before looking at me.

His hand covers the lyrics, exposing the title line of the page.

"Paradise City" is scribbled in his writing and I smile when he moves his hand and let's me read  the chorus, and verse that he's gotten so far, a giant smile pulling at my lips.

"Who the hell inspired this?" I ask him, raising my brows.

"Nobody particular." He shrugs. "You like it?"

"I already love it." I tell him.

Not to compare two completely different bands who earned their names all on their own, but there are a few song parallels between Guns N' Rose's Appetite for Destruction, and Mötley Crüe's Girls, Girls, Girls albums.

Guns' Welcome to the Jungle was like Mötley's Wild Side. Paradise City was like Girls, Girls, Girls. Mr. Brownstone was like Dancing on Glass. But my favorite parallel has to be Sweet Child O Mine and You're All I Need.

I remember Nikki had given me a tape of You're All I Need after we got into a massive argument because he thought I was spending too much time with Duff. But he had practically accused me of having feelings for Duff, and even acting on them (which was pretty hypocritical being that he'd been screwing Vanity since 1986 at that point.)

A few weeks later, Nikki convinced me to come down to the studio so he could personally give me a copy of a song he had written me, and me--being excited--decided I wanted the guys to hear it, too.

I went to the Franklin Plaza where Steven, Duff, Slash, Izzy and Axl were hanging out, discussing a meeting they'd had with their label.

When I told them Nikki wrote a love song about me (thinking it was his way of trying to patch up our marriage and say to the world "I love this woman") the guys had to hear it, not believing me.

The ballad started beautifully, tears coming to my eyes, but my warmed heart quickly began boiling in my chest by the time the second chorus ended.

"I don't think this is a love song." Izzy stated, while shaking his head a little.

"Yeah, uh...he's talking about killing you." Axl had told me, everyone seemed slightly disturbed.

"Your girlfriends get Sweet Child O Mine and what does the dedicated wife that has done nothing but love this sick bastard get?! A song dedicated to his deep desire to murder me!"

"Dude, hasn't he actually tried to kill you before?" Steven asked.

Which made the song even more ironic, along with the last line of the chorus, "and I loved you but you didn't love me" which in itself was slap in the fucking face.

I didn't hear the full song at that time because Duff had took it out of the player and stomped it under his cowboy boot.

That pretty much set the tone for the months to come.

"You're also incredibly biased." He replies in the same tone and I nudge him with my elbow.

"You don't know how many songs I have actually had to tear out of Nikki's hand and hide them from him because they were so bad I just could not allow them to be recorded." I tell him.

"Oh, please." He brushes me off.

"Have you heard 'Theater of Pain'?" I ask him with raised brows.

"Yeah."

"Home Sweet Home and Smokin' in the Boy's Room were the only really good ones. And Smokin' in the Boy's Room was a cover. The other songs were songs I didn't know were written, or I would have hid them from him, too." I state and he tries not to laugh, but fails, making himself snort, which kickstarts my laughter. 

Once we settle down, he clears his throat, and gets a kind of serious expression on his face.

"I really wish he wasn't on that shit, Viv." He tells me and I don't even have to ask who he's talking about. "I mean, I'm not judging him or whatever because Izzy and Slash are in on that stuff, too, but...I just hate to see he's on it, because it's kinda hard to manage it once you hit a certain point, ya know?" He asks and I nod a little. "I think he's a pretty cool guy...so it sucks to see him act like that."

"It's not that bad, right now." I tell him, completely in denial. "He's still Nikki, he just does stuff he's not suppose to. That's nothing new to me."

"I'm just a little worried, is all." He admits.

"There's no need to be." I reassure him. "He's got a handle on things."

Dear God did I eat those words a week later in Dallas, Texas.

It's like watching a fucking car accident. 

Except instead of a car, it's my husband, and instead of a car accident, it's him losing his ever loving mind, crouched on the hotel room desk, as he babbles on, making absolutely no sense as he shouts at his parents who aren't even present.

I just came back from the pool, got a shower, and came in to him doing this.

"Nikki!" I try to get him out of whatever drug-induced show he's on.

"I'm not me! I'm not Nikki! I'm someone else!" He insists, hands yanking at his hair, his eyes completely taken over by an entirely different beast. 

I panic, immediately calling Fred.

"The fuck is wrong?!" He asks when I open the door, hearing Nikki's screaming and carrying on and I try to keep the absolute fear that's locking up my system from showing.

"I-I don't know. I got in from the pool and he was kinda jittery but I thought he'd done some blow, but then he started screaming when I was in the shower and now he's--"

Fred gets tired of hearing Nikki's meaningless shrieks at people who aren't in the room with us, and snatches him off the desk.

Nikki hits the floor, and a switch is flipped, sending him into strong convulsions, opting thick, white foam to pour from his mouth.

"Fuck, Sixx!" Fred lets out, turning him on his side. "Get me a roll of toilet-paper." He barks at me and I do as I'm told, saying a very colorful, silent prayer in my head. 

He tries to get Nikki to bite down on it to keep him from biting his tongue, but Nikki can't do it. screaming instead.

When I think I can't take the confused, scared, out-of-character shrill, it's like God himself knocks Nikki out, leaving Fred and I in complete silence, riddled with what just happened.

Fred checks his pulse and sighs in relief, looking at me.

"Viv, are you alright?" He asks me, taking deep breaths.

"Y-yeah." I say, nodding, even though I know it's written all over my face that I can't be further from "alright."

"Vivian--"

"I just need a second." I tell him, standing up to go to the bathroom, disguising oncoming tears in a strong, steady voice that's physically uncomfortable to push past the lump in my throat.

I lock myself inside the bathroom and turn the water back on, gripping the counter before I find myself in the floor, quiet sobs rocking through me.

I just want my Nikki back...not this tainted demon nesting himself in Nikki's skin, festering his bullshit in Nikki's mind.

By the time I'm worn down from crying, and tired from lying on the bathroom floor, I pull myself up and open the bathroom door, stepping into the room.

I guess Fred put Nikki in the bed before he left, because Nikki's still passed out, just tucked in the covers. 

I get pajamas on, scared to even touch him because I don't want him to start seizing again.

Cautiously getting closer to him, nestling my forehead against his arm, I thank God for the feeling of his pulse under my finger tips in the crook of his arm, and find myself passing out with utter exhaustion.

The next morning, Nikki's really quiet.

I'm not sure if he remembers what happened last night, but I'm not asking him. 

After finding a needle and evidence of an 8-ball of coke, he can lick my twat if he thinks I'm talking to him anytime soon. 

The video shoot for Home Sweet Home is happening today, and a limo picks Nikki and I up at the hotel, driving us to the venue, neither of us acknowledging the other. 

Once we get there, someone's dressing Nikki like a damn toddler, because he's too fucked from last night to dress himself in his done up stage costume.

Nikki was so, so, so, obviously, utterly fucked up when they filmed the music video for Home Sweet Home. 

The entire time, he was chugging Jack to try to calm himself down from a high he later described felt like, "being on acid and speed at the same time" and with the way he was acting like he couldn't see a damn thing, I believe it. 

He kept sunglasses on a majority of the time so people couldn't see how his eye were practically doing cartwheels. 

"Viv, we're about to start, where's Nikki?" His bass tech asks me and I glance around, furrowing my brows a little.

"I haven't seen in him about an hour. He went over there by the stage...at least I think he did." I tell him, stepping over to the last place I saw him. "He was here and..." I trail off, hearing Nikki having a full blown conversation, his voice coming from underneath the stage.

The two of us sit and listen for a moment, realizing Nikki's just talking, taking long pauses, then answering a question that was never asked by anybody, not even himself.

"Who is he talking to?" His tech asks me under his breath so Nikki won't hear.

I roll my jaw, getting fed up.

"Probably the fucking demon he sees and befriends every time he gets high." I state, fully believing that at this point, there is indeed a demon following him around, breathing down his neck, stripping him of his control and cheering him on with each grain of coke, bottle of Jack, cc of heroin and prescription-grade pill.

"Nikki," His tech starts. "Who're you talking to?"

"I'm talking. Leave me alone." Nikki argues.

"Nikki." I state, looking at him. 

It's the first time he's heard my voice all day.

"There's nobody there, baby. C'mon." I motion my hand for him to get out from under the stage.

"Leave me alone!" He snaps at me, nearly hissing.

"Dude, calm down, you're freaking out." His tech tells him. 

"Nikki, get your ass out from under there or so help me God, I will come in and drag you out by your dick." I promise him. 

He puffs up like a pissed off rooster and stomps out, passing by us, grumbling under his breath.

Do you wanna know what was really fucked up about that time? Vince couldn't have a beer without someone losing their mind. He was supposed to be sober. Nikki would bust Vince's balls if he even saw him looking at a bottle...but then Nikki would load anything and everything into his body, simultaneously.

Vince quickly became the odd man out, and had been ever since that night with Razzle. There was this vibe, this tension, that Vince was only kept in the band at that time, because they were getting hotter and hotter, and each member was the ticket to reach their full potential as a band. Each member was important.

Without Tommy, there was no band. Without Mick, there was no band. Without Nikki, there was no band.

And without Vince, there was no band...that was the one that really didn't sit too well with Sikki.

[sleepyfan-blog]

*waves flag* WRITING IDEA WITH ANGST- CORRUPTED VENUS FINDING SATURN AGAIN AND AT THIS POINT VENUS HAS HELPED TAKE OVER PARTS OF THE MULTIVERSE WITH NIGHTMARE AND THEY'RE TRYING TO GET SATURN TO UNDERSTAND (A G A I N) THAT THEY DID IT FOR HIM AND JUST LSHVAGAUEJSJ YEAH-

Venus - Izzy

Saturn - Cap

warnings - Angst

Venus hummed a little bit as they made their way through a post-pacifist Swapfell. Their dad had sent them on a reconnaissance mission to see how well the monsters and humans were integrating with one another, as that was a major factor on how they took over peaceful timelines. They had been so hesitant to hurt and even kill at first, but when a human that they had spared had nearly landed a killing blow on their dad…

Venus had struck without hesitation, directly through the human’s yellow-red soul. They’d initially been shocked and fearful of themself after that, but Dad had held them close and reassured them that they’d done what was right, and that he’d been so proud of them for protecting him. The next few kills had been almost as difficult, but nwo… Now, they would strike without a second’s hesitation, to further their dad’s plans - and to one day find Papa and Sat - to bring them home and to be able to help Dad protect the both of them from those who would use their gentle, giving natures for their own selfish reasons.

The socio-political climate was… Tense, and while monsterkind had been allowed to leave the mountain, they were restricted to the mountain, and a second magical barrier had been long-placed around the entire region - and had been faithfully maintained by the most powerful of human magicians, although the reasons why they’d done this had faded into obscurity until Monsterkind had resurfaced. But neither had war been declared, although a misstep here… A couple of minor crimes there… And all out war could begin again - pushing both sides to into a desperate, awful position that Dad could skillfully take advantage of. They weren’t a well-known figure in Dad’s empire - not that Venus minded much.

They were quite content to stay hidden in the shadows near their dad’s throne, watching and observing. Ready and willing to strike down whoever was stupid enough to try to hurt him. They also liked being able to explore the multiverse… Though they desperately wished to have their younger brother by their side, and Papa waiting for them at home, eager to listen to their stories, food on the table and willing to kiss any scratches they acquired (or heal any injuries they got fighting mortal idiots) better.

Venus was so certain that if they were able to convince Saturn that they’d consumed the dark apples to protect him - that the strength that they’d been given was a good thing. They realized that they might have come on a little too strongly when Saturn and Papa had seen them after they’d consumed the apples - and Papa had been terribly scared for the both of them and… Well Sat got his proclivity for running away rather than fighting from Papa. They’d talked over the arguments that they would use when they’d seen him again with Dad over and over again, until they were pretty sure that they could convince them. THey just had to be sure not to react angrily to the hurtful accusations that Saturn was likely to throw at them because he was frightened and unsure whether they were safe to trust or not.

They were just about to open a portal to go home when they felt a very familiar magical signature. They glided over the forest and landed lightly, their eye lights widening for a moment before narrowing as they watched Saturn stumble-run, carrying several young monsters in their arms, occasionally peeking over one of their shoulders. A low, haunting howl rang from the direction they were running in and Saturn’s eye lights briefly went out as they continued to run….

Which was why Sat tripped over a tree root and would have fallen painfully on their face and squished the children, had Venus not swooped down out of the canopy and caught the other before alighting on a large and sturdy tree branch, a light laugh leaving them as they hug their baby brother close “Getting into trouble again, are we? I’ve missed you so terribly, Saturn…” Venus realized that they were purring quietly.

“V-Venus? Wh-where did you… Why are you here?” Saturn yelped, flailing a little and overbalancing them.

Venus sighed as they used the momentum to fly them onwards to another tree branch, heading in the direction that Saturn had been running in “I was helping Dad with something… But I can’t tell you about it unless you come with me. We’ve missed you and Papa so very much.”

“Who are you?!” A tiny bunny monster demanded, puffing their cute little/ fuzzy cheeks up at him “Don’ recog… Recog… Don’t know you!”

The monster Pup growled cutely and tried to nibble on one of Venus’s fingerbones. They lightly bopped the naughty pup with the tip of one of their wings “There’s no need to be rude, little ones. I am Saturn’s older sibling. Now, were you panic-running away from whoever’s chasing you with no real direction or remembering that you can teleport or are you not teleporting because you can’t for some reason?” Venus smirked, entirely amused.

“The… The encampment I’m trying to get the kids to is hidden, if I use magic, it’ll be noticed by the humans and bring them down on all of them.” Saturn responded, shivering a little, anger and sorrow in their magical aura

“Aww… Is monsterkind being hunted here? I could just call Dad really quick and he’d handle the situation. There’s no being in this or any other AU who can stand up to his full strength. Nothing mortal anyways. And why aren’t you with papa? Unless he’s back at the camp healing the sick and injured.” Venus prompted, their eye lights brightening at the thought of being able to tell Dad where both Sat and Papa were. He’d be so very happy.

“I… N-No don’t bring Dad here! He… He’ll make things worse. And papa isn’t here - he’s… In another place.” Saturn responded, uncomfortable and worried.

“Oh, and why do you say that? Dad’s the best fighter I’ve ever seen, and human magic doesn’t bother him any - not even red human magic. Of course, it doesn’t affect either of us…” Venus croomed gently, petting the top of their younger brother’s skull with the hand that wasn’t securely wrapped around the other’s waist - to make sure that Saturn didn’t try to run from them again. “Just agree to coming home to me and Dad, and we’ll make sure that these and the other mortal monsters I can tell that you care about are well protected… That’s why I became the way that I am now…”

“I…. I don’t… I’m not…” Saturn responded uncomfortably, unsure as to what to do.

[siavahdainthemoon]

hhhh i don't think my question sent, i'm sorry if this is a duplicate! basically, how did luke hide being in love with valentine and jocelyn when they were agelai? i thought that they couldn't keep secrets from e/o? and that made me think of the uprising, and how jocelyn managed to conceal her plans from val. they weren't agelai but they're still soul-bonded. also i know why j needed to keep that secret but why did luke hide his feelings, especially when it's understood that agela are polyam?

No, I never got one like this! So thanks for resending it :) Especially since they are excellent questions!

This takes a bit of explaining though, so bear with me. 

Ages and ages ago I talked a bit here about ‘open’ and ‘closed’ agelae. Basically, a closed agela is one in which every agelai is bonded directly to everyone else, and an ‘open’ one is where not everyone has a direct bond to everyone else.

So, Agela Sariel is a closed agela, because Izzy is bound to Alec and Jace, Alec is bound to Jace and Izzy, and Jace is bound to Izzy and Alec. 

Agela Michael - Valentine, Luke, and Jocelyn’s agela - was an open agela. Luke did not have a direct bond to Jocelyn. They could still sense each other through their link to Valentine, but not nearly as strongly as if they were directly linked. This makes it relatively easy for Luke or Jocelyn to have kept secrets from each other.

However, even parabatai/parastathentes can keep secrets from each other. Alec kept the fact that he’s gay from Jace for years; Jace hid, for a little while, the fact that he was still seeing Simon after Renwicks. It’s not an easy thing to do, and situations of high stress or passion make it even harder - most parabatai/parastathentes can’t hide the fact that they’re having sex from the person they’re bonded to, for example. Not many people can be that internally controlled in a moment like that! 

Valentine, however, can. I’m not sure he could have hidden it from Jocelyn if they were a closed agela - in a closed agela, the bond is strengthened to the power of the number of agelai in the agela, so the miscere - the ‘bleed’ of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that occurs between bonded Shadowhunters - is exponentially worse than it is otherwise. But because he has a scary mind, and because he ‘only’ had a parastathentes bond with Jocelyn, not a closed agelai bond, he could hide it. And Jocelyn and Luke, as I said before, couldn’t sense each other super clearly. 

So, Jocelyn was also able to hide her plans re the Uprising from Valentine because the open agela bond is weaker, and because with focus (and practise) you can keep secrets. Especially if your bonded partners don’t push - when Agela Sariel formed, Alec and Jace showed Izzy immediately how to cordon off her Self so she could have some privacy. It’s not foolproof - you can slip up, accidents happen, someone can push - but it can be done. 

Luke hid his and Valentine’s affair for a couple of reasons. Jocelyn married Valentine, which means she effectively married Luke as well (since parabatai are legally one person, and because a soulbond is a soulbond). That doesn’t mean Luke and Valentine were married. However, if their affair had got out, it wouldn’t have been a disaster - as you say, in an agela that includes parastathentes bonds, it’s kind of expected that everyone ends up falling for everybody else. Valentine was married to a woman, which means he was fulfilling his duty of breeding the next generation. People wouldn’t have been super happy if Luke never married a woman (or, alternatively, had a few children with Jocelyn - that would have been acceptable, although not ideal, since that would be mixing the Fairchild pureblood bloodline with Luke’s not-pureblood genes, probably creating weaker Shadowhunters than a pureblood/pureblood match), but it would have been okay. But a) Valentine convinced Luke it needed to stay a secret, that Jocelyn would see it all as a betrayal etc*, and b) being given unofficial permission to be poly doesn’t magically erase internalised homophobia, which Luke had and has in spades. He was ashamed, even if no one around him would have condemned him for it. He’s going to have to deal with that sooner or later. 

*Because Valentine is a dick who likes manipulating and emotionally fucking with people. Jocelyn’s a pureblood Shadowhunter; she absolutely knew how agelae worked and wouldn’t have been upset at all to discover Valentine and Luke were sleeping together. But Luke wasn’t raised a Shadowhunter and didn’t think of that :/

[fireburningbright]

Izzy cat is home from emergency vet. They gave injection antibiotics that last 14 days apparently (pretty cool tbh) and a home regimen of pain meds. Following up with regular vet as soon as I can but they're closed on Sundays. If things get worse bringing her back.

I swear to the gods.....i really wonder if someone cursed or hexed me. I mean in the last year alone 3 of my cats have died, another had a tumor (treated, doing fine now), another had kidney concerns (which are okay for now), another decided he didn't want to eat because he was depressed over his friends dying (doing better sorta, meds helped), and now this one with 2 UTI problems a month apart. And that's just the cats' problems! My mom had her colon rip open and all those problems and managed to break both her feet somehow and then had a UTI that went undetected. My dad had the skin on his finger rip open down to the muscle from slipping on water that leaked out of our refrigerator. Feel like there was something else with dad too because I recall having to drive him to and from work in the snow last winter but I can't remember why. Had to have the refrigerator fixed due to said leakiness. Needed a new dishwasher AND a new furnace. And then there's littler stuff like my eye somehow getting scratched multiple times and now I have severe nighttime dryness in that eye so sometimes my eyelid like literally rips a layer off of my eyeball and that's been going for a year now and I haven't gone back in to deal with it properly yet because I've got so many other things I need to worry about (and p sure my insurance will have a fit about it)

Like......what did i do? Why me? Why us? I just don't understand

It's a miracle I'm still standing but I am so damn tired