#Who am I to blame for my lack of common sense

[i-wanna-burn-the-world]

I've been doing maths wrong apparently!?

Okay, I read a fair amount(of fanfic lol) and I was trying to figure out how many short novels(40,000ish words) I could shove into a fic I'd just re-read (His Kidilante by Otaku6337 which is 500,000(ish) words long.) (Also I read this whole thing in one day and I'm proud of myself lol)

and I was doing the maths the same way I've always done it, except I this time out loud with my mother in the room and low and behold I find that I'd been doing it in my head maths wrong for my whole ass life! I've been doing a kind of "take a number you know you can multiply cleanly and do that until you get the answer." Apparently, regular people don't do that.... here's what my maths looked like-

2 x 40,000 = 80,000 and that leaves 20,000. Which is half of 40,000(so I'll slide that in to make 120,000), so that means that I need 2 more 40,000s (or one more 80,000) to make 200,000(which is 5 40,000s). Times that by 2 to get 400,000 even, then add two more 40,000s (for a total of 12, 40,000s, or 480,000) and then add one more 20,000 and the answer is: 12.5 40,000s fit into one 500,000

And here's what hers looked like-

40,000 x 10= 400,000. 2 x 40,000 = 80,000 which leaves 20,000 left over, so the answer is 12.5

...pardon me I have to go question my entire life.

[imbecominggayer]

How To Write Characters With Addiction

From @differentnighttale: "I am curious if you give advice about writing people with addictions for example substance. I have reasons my male MC does it. But how can I describe the addictions the MC has correctly."

In this post we are going to be talking about addiction! From alcoholism, substance abuse, nymphomania, to everything else that can be a possible addiction. This post will be all about making this realistic and complex :)

A) What Are The Benefits?, Make It Convincing

Grab a fucking piece of paper or whatever you have and just write a paragraph from your addict's perspective on the situation. Omit the bad stuff. Make it highly convincing. if you aren't thinking "hmm, understandable" after you've written and read it, you did it wrong.

What do they get out of it?

Why did they like it at first?

Are they calmer, more intensely concentrated, does it take the edge off?

Are they more confident?

Does it ease the sense of being fundamentally wrong or dull some other pain?

Is it fun to do something rebellious?

What made them like this thing so much they tried it again, and again, and again?

B) Think About The Consequences, And Ignore It

Oftentime, at least in my experience, people will continue with a bad habit if it means they don't have to be the one to think about the consequences.

The Consequences For Addiction Include:

Financial. Depending on what your character uses to get their fix and how much they use, they might be spending hundreds a week if they are a particularly aggressive user. People often steal money from their loved ones. Addiction also tends to get people fired. Write a scene where your drunk character gets fired for operating machinery. Have them be a burdenous sponge.

Social. It's common for addicts to lose their loved ones since it often gets to a point where it's impossible to care about these people despite how much you love them. Make love ones leave your character! And don't blame them

Physical. STDs, Overdose, Liver Failure, and a shit ton of other issues from the chronic to the fatal either cause, exacerbate, or are linked with addiction. Recovery can't automatically save your character so don't write that story.

Psychological. Being an addict isn't fun since you get to struggle with points 1, 2, and 3 all at the same time! Write about your character issues. Their lack of control. Their spiralling life.

Write all about your character's suffering. And then have them justify it. Make it convincing.

They need it. It's not their fault that this is the only that helps them! Everyone just doesn't get it. I'm trying to work on it, OK?! It'll all work out! They know that it's wrong but...

My most hated shit is when a character's arc is easy. They struggle with some things like a big dramatic argument with their wife, they cry a bit, and then they learn that "drugs are bad" so everything is fine :D

NO!!! Why don't you write about a friendship that doesn't get mended? A chronic illness they now have to pay huge medicine bills for? A fucked-up rap sheet that they can't escape?

And it's not because we want to punich addicts. It's because it doesn't matter if you care about addicts if you don't care about the messy shit!

It's easy to sympathize with an addict if you make them the most innocent victim who never hurts someone intentionally and who gets rid of the addiction in a second and never struggles with it ever again!

Do the hard shit. Make your readers sympathize with the unsympathetic asshole addict! Addicts aren't always good people! They can be dickbags. And they still deserve resources. Life isn't some kind of karma game where dickbags suffer and good people rise! Everyone deserves to not suffer!

Addiction is ultimately a disease. But it's a disease that can make someone you love into an absolutely unlikeable person. And this is coming from someone with an alcoholic dad <3 He does good things and bad things. I can sympathise with my dad and not let him walk all over me.

C) Withdrawal Is Leaving An Ex, Relapse Is Returning

Addiction is a motherfucker trying to leave. It's basically the equivalent of a clingy ex who keeps contacting you, asking for just one conversation, and the moment you so much as acknowledge them you are fucked.

And suffering the brunt of a clingy ex who won't take the hint tends to cause the same symptoms as withdrawal!

Obviously, withdrawal symptoms depend on what type of ex you have and what age you are and yada yada yada. Research for specificity :)

Withdrawal symptoms can include:

Headaches

Insomnia

Fatigue

Hallucinations

Seizures

Tremors

Cravings

etc.

BE AWARE: Relapses are when someone returns back to their drug if they were going cold turkey or going back to their original dose. Relapses can sometimes result in an overdose due to the fact that the brain has been weened off the substance and is now overwhelmed by the high dose.

Relapses often happen when a person makes the deliberate choice in order to stop these fucking nightmarish symptoms. To use the analogy of a clingy ex, you start talking to them in order to tell them to stop contacting.

Relapses can also happen through being in a setting where the behaviors associated with the addiction such as sex, gambling, drinking, substance use, and all manner of things are normalized.

This setting could be a party, a bar, or even a friend group.

Relapse is made more likely if someone is self-detoxing away from a support group or a doctor.

Writing about withdrawal and relapses are an important part in making a story feel more authentic. Just like with mental illness, people rarely learn the lesson and follow it perfectly. They make mistakes. Slip back into old habits. Do shitty things.

We aren't writing their suffering to punish them. We are doing it because you can't say you care if all you are willing to do is look at the easy parts.

D) Little Tidbits To Keep Track Off

This is the miscellanious things that didn't fit into their own boxes.

Friends!

Do they have friends who also have their addiction? How do they hang out? What are they like? How are their substance using friends different from their non-addict ones?

Slang!

Don't just look up slang for your substance of choice. You'll need to look at some first-hand accounts of addiction. Find an influence who has struggled with substance abuse in the past and see how they talk about it!

Variables!

Remember to keep their geographical location, socioeconomic status, time, and a host of other factors. If your character is a penniless alcoholic then it's unlikely they'll get their hands on some type of expensive gin. They'll probably use rubbing alcohol. Keep the price of your drug in mind.

A character's status will also impact their slang. No one unironically says doobie anymore.

A character's location will also impact how they get their shit and how other characters will react to that addiction.

A character's financial status also impacts how the consequences of their actions impact them. A low-income character wont be able to afford the same medication as a rich addict. They also won't have the same luxury for quality therapy, rehab, programs, time, anything really.

Look At The Addict And The Loved Ones

Try not the skew the reality of addiction to paint the addict as the victim and the loved ones as evil for not being forgiving and tolerant enough.

Keep sympathy for both the addict and the loved ones. Or drop sympathy for both of those characters.

E) RESOURCES

FDA and DEA online databases and drug resources

Social Networking Groups

Medical Journals

Local medical professionals, police, and medical examiners

The US national poison center

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

anyway necessary abuse analysis after I watched the episode bc like. c’mon I cannot avoid that.

as of episode 12, obviously i do not know much about ozai, azula (I am spoiled to hell on this show i know she exists), and even really zuko (i was not expecting him to be that obviously a child at that moment jesus fucking Christ) but i think there’s a lot you can gather from specifically the dynamic of abuse set up.

ozai clearly sees his children as extensions of himself- less as people and more as status symbols he can throw out if they stop working. and that’s really shown in the way zuko was abused. not just the very obvious severe physical abuse- not only did he severely and painfully scar his like twelve? maybe? year old son, but he likely at the very least also severely hampered his vision (look at his eye, it’s noticeably unable to open properly where the scar tissue is) and disabled him for life)- but specifically how it was set up to publicly humiliate zuko.

the agni kai was a public spectacle- there’s so many people in the audience, it’s horrifying to think about (though thankfully it seems that it's not entirely common knowledge)- one where he humiliated and degraded zuko for his lack of “honour”- which was him showing compassion and him being a child who loved his father and was terrified of hurting him and just wanted to know how to fix things. it’s a very calculated, deliberate act of abuse, and considering the severity it almost certainly was not the first instance- in fact, zuko's immediate apologetic behaviour and terror at the idea of his father seems to suggest he's been abused before, being (understandable) trauma responses.

i think the way azula acts supports this even further- she’s not at all surprised at the, again, very very severe and visceral physical abuse happening in front of her, only reacting by grinning. she has seen this before. not to this extent, nothing that left scars- or at least, obvious ones- perhaps not even prior physical abuse, but her brother being humiliated and made to feel small and worthless in front of her is something that is simply normal to her. zuko gets abused, and she watches proud that it isn’t her. it’s abusive to her too, in that sense- it’s a threat of violence, if she ever makes her father lose face. their existence is to make their father look good and to be useful- and if they aren’t, they’ll be discarded in the cruellest of ways. that is just something the two grew up knowing, one way or another.

and like, this is clearly why zuko is like that. he’s obsessed with honour because that is a tool that has clearly been used against him to justify his fathers abuse even before this- it’s an ideal he strives for because he thinks it’ll make him worthy of love. and that’s all he wants, for his dad to love him, because he is still a teenager and inherently trusts his parents and blames himself for his own abuse because of that. if he was abused and discarded, it’s his fault in his mind. he needs to fix it, he's the problem in the family. he's fixated so heavily on it because he’s convinced that it’s the only way anyone would ever love or care for him at all- and even the love his uncle shows him can’t convince him otherwise, because he can't accept the idea that he even deserves it. zuko might appear cocky, but he’s the opposite- he’s been brought up to view himself and his worth only in the value he served his father, and cut off from that he sees himself as someone worthless, someone completely unlovable, and he's desperate to fix it, because he views it as his moral failure.

i just. ugh. fucking hell. i am killing ozai with my bare hands those are children those are Tiny how can you look at like young Zuko and fucking do that he’s so obviously a child and it’s so clear this is not the first time this has happened and I’m killing and maiming. ow.

[jikookuntold]

I Said What I Said

Years ago, I had a friend who was a hardcore Jikooker, but she used to scold me for not admitting that Taekook have a sign together (that triangle thing). "My cousin and I have a sign together and we carve it everywhere, same as Taekook. It really doesn't mean they are dating. I don't know why you are being so stubborn!" She used to tell me. And I was like Why would I blindly accept something when there is no real proof? I won't even do it with Jikook theories, let alone something Tkkrs made out of thin air.

This thing went on and on between us, and that friend left Jikook fandom shortly after, because when the flood of Jikook moments subsided in 2019, she blamed JK for not being loud enough anymore, and didn't want to "look like a Tkkr". Then she became a Vminer and then turned into a PJM solo because it turned out Tae also wasn't very attentive of Jimin. Later we lost contact and I don't know what happened to her, but I always wondered why she was behaving that way.

Later, when I had more experience and observation on shipping patterns, I found out what was causing that behavior; Shippers have this pick me attitude of "I'm not like the other shippers". You can see it in every shipping community, but it's more common between Jikookers. Jikookers always believed they are superior, and they might be right because Jikook moments and proofs have always been on another level. This "looking down" on other shippers made them so scared of becoming like them.

It might sound ridiculous, but this mindset in its extreme level throws them deep down to the point of accepting other shippers and even antis theories, but not their own theories, just because they don't want to be seen as delusional but chill with everything, and they end up as a woke one.

It's funny, but since the day I posted about that so called JK leaked video, I'm expriencing a sense deja vu because I got a few DMs and comments from Jikookers telling me I have to accept that's JK in the video, and nothing is wrong with it because a backhug doesn't mean they are dating.

I have to say you don't need to educate me on that because I have been here for enough time to not get insecure for a hug. All I'm saying is, I'm not going to admit a blurry video spreading by JK's antis to tarnish his image not because it challenges my Jikook beliefs, it doesn't, it's because of the lack of evidence. You say you don't want to be like Tkkrs who denied Taennie video in Paris. I don't know about you, but I wasn't able to admit it at first, even though the quality of the video was okay, and I already knew about them both being in Paris, plus, it was posted by an actual journalist. I only could confirm it after seeing them in the same outfit in more clear photos. Because in the world of celebrities anything is possible and you should be always skeptical.

Let me explain, I'm not saying that if you think the person in the video is JK then you are an anti. Not at all. It's your opinion and you are free to have that. All I'm asking is be considerate about what you think or spread or force to the others when there is not enough proof. I am not going to confirm that, not even hypothetically, until there is further proof or a confirmation. Otherwise I am not going to discuss or mention that topic here, and I will delete any asks or comments about it.

I hope you understand. Thank you.

[freckles-dean]

Here are some of my thoughts on Young Royals S3 ep 1-5

I’m just rambling here. This is probably going to be long, all over the place and not well articulated, so bear with me. 

And before I talk about the show, I just need to say that it never ceases to amaze me how incredibly talented all the actors are.

First of all, I don’t blame either Simon or Wilhelm. They are in an incredibly stressful situation. They are bound to make mistakes and I think their actions while being stubborn and lacking common sense are understandable.

I really loved Simon this season and i was so exited there was more of a focus on him. We finally got to some of how everything affected him. It broke my heart to notice he wasn’t the loudest in the choir anymore and then him saying he’s not enjoying music. Side note: Dude had some banger lines this season 

I find it ironic that everything that Wille found attractive in Simon’s in s1 became things that Simon has to shut down in order to be with him

If you told yesterday me that today me was actually okay with an August redemption arc, I would not have believed you. This in no way excuses his behavior, and he still has a lot to work on, but I think it was one of my favorite parts of this season. 

I am not at all surprised by the Erik thing. since s1 I kept wondering when Willie's perfect image of him would come crumbling down, but can’t imagine how devastating it would be to learn that the person who was there for you the most was not this perfect person you thought they were and might not even accept you.

I was rooting hard for Micke and Sara. I knew it was unrealistic that he wasn’t going to hurt her again, but it was still so heartbreaking that he couldn’t pull it together for her. I think there are bigger issues going on than his ADHD that needs to be handled. 

Why does the queen get space and help with her anxieties and grief, but when Wilhelm is struggling he gets no support and is seen as embarrassing and problematic???? 

Why the fuck was it Wilhelm's responsibility to teach Simon what not to do? Obviously, this kid who has never been in the public eye has no idea what he should or shouldn’t do, it almost seems like it was deliberate to get Wilmons relationship to fail idk. It would have been so easy to get something to teach him some basic media training. It's just disturbing how the court had absolutely zero regard for Simon’s safety. 

I’ve seen people talk about Wilhelm being controlling over Simon. Is it acceptable or excusable behavior? Absolutely not, but let me put things into perspective. Wilhelm was raised in an abusive and very controlling environment. His opinions and feelings didn’t matter, and he was told it was love, so it made sense that he would try to do the same for Simon and expected him to go along with it. I think expecting Wilhelm to have healthy relationship skills is unrealistic, and the show never pretended he did. It’s been pretty obvious throughout that Wilhelm consistently projects his feelings and emotions onto other people. 

I still don't know if Simon was breaking up with Wille or not, or they were just trying to frame it that way to scare us (honestly hoping it leads into a more mature conversation), but if he was… Wilhelm had it coming. He hasn’t been handling things very well and is taking it out on Simon, which is just not okay, and he doesn’t deserve that.  

Before this season, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Wille abdicating, cause i still had this fantasy in my head of him as this queer king, but after everything I’ve seen this season, it’s so obvious how much this institution is killing him. He needs to get out and heal from his traumas and find out who he really is without all those rules and pressures.

I don’t even know if I want Wilmon to be an endgame. Obviously, I do, but at this point, I don’t think that’s what’s best for either of them. It’s been very clear this season how much they don’t (at the moment) fit into each other's lives.. Either some major things have to change (Wille abdicating) or they need to split up. I just hope that both boys get a good ending, even if it’s not with each other. 

I don’t know... I’m emotionally exhausted, there are so many plot lines and I really don’t know how they are going to fix everything in one episode.

[scaryinclusive]

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER — BREAKING DOWN THE STIGMA.

by @scaryinclusive.

a discussion of the ableism and stigma relating to npd — a separate resource post will be posted at another date, written by a narcissist. if you believe in the term 'narcissistic abuse', have been conditioned by your surroundings or past trauma to view or discuss narcissists in a negative way or simply want to understand why it's important to show sympathy, compassion and patience towards those with npd, please read this and keep an open mind. i'm not here to tell you what you can and can't do or what to feel, but if you are someone who wants to learn about the impact your vocabulary can have on others, as well as how your behaviour contributes to the isolation and ableism towards an entire community, this might be a useful post for you.

i understand this might be an inflammatory topic, but please be patient with me, and show me the same respect you'd want to receive. i am a living, breathing person behind the screen. first of all, i think it's important clarify what is meant by ableism, when used in this context. as an abuse survivor myself, i have subjected others to an ableist mindset — whether that be externally or internally ( internalised ableism. ) i have previously called my abuser a range of ableist terms, without having a diagnosis for them or the ability to make one. i have projected my own insecurities onto others and myself, instead of taking a step back to assess my trauma, shame and getting to the root of the blame. if this is something you have done previously too, or are currently prone to, know you are valid.

often, people want logic to illogical situations, they want reason to make sense of the unreasonable and in some cases they want to have something or someone to blame. and it's absolutely easier to blame an individual or disorder deemed monstrous by society than it is to blame the abuse itself. to hold an event, or series of events accountable. whatever it takes to keep the blame off of us, right? and while this is a common phenomenon within society, to blame people with narcissistic personality disorder or antisocials for our suffering, by throwing around the terms 'psychopath', 'narcissist' and 'sociopath' etc, it's not sustainable and in the long run, sure — you'll succeed in adding to the stigma of already massively stigmatised communities, but you'll drag yourself down with them. and that's not healing. that's not overcoming. it's certainly not contributing to the empathy, compassion and care many of you wish to see in the world. i feel this short, non-accusatory and sympathetic article really helps elaborate on what i've already mentioned.

i also want to stress that, at no point, am i excusing harmful behaviour. i believe individuals with these disorders, professionally or self diagnosed, and even those who think they might have one or both, have a responsibility within themselves to seek out support, healing and improvement to keep themselves and others safe and protected. but with the total lack of resources, community, space, patience and safety for them to commit to such, it's a vicious cycle. you're asking people who struggle greatly with shame and insecurity to face it, in an unsafe space with people that seek to shame us. we cannot get the help we need, regardless of how self-aware we are, due to society's stigmatising perception of us. due to rumours, lies and stereotypes.

therapists aren't always safe. in my experience i have been exposed to some highly questionable therapists. some have been corrupted by the stigma and are therefore unsafe for us. resources are designed to brainwash and instil internalised ableism. friends and family hate us. we have nowhere and no one to turn to. so, we bottle it up. we bottle it up, and up, and up until we explode or implode. someone catches it on camera and uploads it online. thousands if not more view it and all that comes from this devastating explosion is more stigma, more hate, and less space for us to heal. the cycle continues.

where does the stigma start? well, it starts with society's knowledge and education on what narcissistic personality disorder actually is. in this circumstance, unfortunately, you can't even fully trust things like the dsm's criteria, or the many websites accessible across the internet. you 100% can't trust word of mouth. i will begin with what npd is not. it is not a choice. not something you can decide to be, or to not be. people with npd do not love themselves, we are not entitled or selfish. we don't have a god-complex or view ourselves as higher beings or more important for the fun of it. we do not all have low / no empathy and we don't feel nothing. we aren't heartless, soulless, blood-sucking monsters, we aren't cunning villains scheming and seeking to manipulate and hurt people. we are not a different species or lesser being, not parasites or a infestation.

so what are people with narcissistic personality disorder? exactly that. people — a community of human beings who primarily experienced varying childhood traumas. the more effort, time and money put into the scientific and biological understanding of npd reveals it to be more and more alike to a trauma-related disorder. the entire meaning behind 'personality disorders' is that the title trait is a typical, average personality trait. however, the difference is that the trait itself is amplified, more intense or severe due to some form of trauma during childhood development.

as much as people don't want to admit it, narcissism is a healthy, typical human trait. but when an individual is exposed to trauma in early life, such as neglect ( particularly emotional neglect ), as they grow and develop the brain adapts in this environment to survive. this can lead to the development or intensifying of harmful, negatives behaviours that continue into later life. when you are no longer in an environment where survival is a necessity, an environment where you might need to manipulative, emotionally disconnect or behave in a specific way to avoid a threat or emotional injury, these behaviours don't simply vanish. they continue, even if it means harming those around you or treating them in a negative manner, because your brain is constantly convincing you of perceived threats — real or imagined, and your attitude towards life was never healthily developed in a way that you can pursue stability and safety.

to cope with this, specifically for those with npd, we develop grandiose delusions of ourselves. a façade, a safety net, a wall between us and the world. on the outside, it might appear that we are infatuated with ourselves, simply self-obsessed, entitled and obnoxiously detached from reality. what's really happening is that our core selves are so insecure, in such a deeply-rooted way, that in order to survive and cope with our inner fragility, we must create a false sense of security. npd is entirely based around insecurity. and insecurity, in itself — even without npd being a contributing factor, can lead to harmful behaviour. projecting our insecurities onto others to feel powerful, in control and above all else, safe. we are not monsters, we have simply had to adapt and learn to survive in an unstable, volatile and potentially dangerous environment and were never given the tools to heal from this. isn't that sad? an entire community of people unable to heal from their trauma because society has cast us out. stereotyped us as murderers, villains and abusers.

through therapy ( it's taken me 10 years of searching to find someone that understands me, healthily challenges me, respects me, is patient and remains unbiased throughout my healing ) i have learned much about myself. i have become more self-aware, been able to break down my trauma and thus combat my internalised ableism, and have been able to do so in a way that hasn't brainwashed me into believing the only way for someone like me to heal is to shame and hate myself and those with my disorders. it's not true. we can heal in a safe and healthy way that promotes self-love, sympathy for our suffering, compassion as well as responsibility, recognition and rationality. all of these can co-exist.

we can take responsibility for our mistakes and harmful actions while also being sympathetic towards what made us this way. but unfortunately many are pushed by society to take to self-loathing, self-deprecation and the spreading of stigma in favour of winning over ableists who reduce us to a stereotype or generalise us as lesser beings. "look how healed i am! i hate narcissists too!!" they are not healing, and by pushing this narrative and encouraging it, you are only digging a deeper hole.

outside of those that have been misguided by their trauma, leading them to label emotionally abusive, or just abusive individuals, as 'narcissists', along with various other stigmatising labels, there is a huge portion of society who remain uneducated and merely misuse the label due to it being commonly thrown around and not knowing any better. i ask that, if you are someone that uses this term to describe anyone other than someone with narcissistic personality, and certainly if you use it in any derogatory form, why you do that? i think it's fair to invite you to perform the same introspect about yourself that we are so desperately trying to do, with or without resources.

why do you need to use the word narcissist? narcissism, narcissistic? the same goes for antisocial, psychopath or sociopath. any word related to mental health or disability, really. outside of it being purely medical. what's stopping you from changing your vocabulary and contributing to the healing of a community? if your answer is 'because i can', or 'because they deserve it', you are dooming an entire group of traumatised individuals to fail.

if your answer is that narcissism existed as a trait and / or adjective prior to the disorder — you're absolutely right. it did. but the meanings of words change. the r* slur is a primary example. once, this slur was purely a medical word. it was then used by the general public as a derogatory way to describe those with intellectual or developmental disabilities. to reduce them as people and dehumanise them. it became such a widespread pejorative term that, now, the majority don't use it. because it's deemed offensive, hurtful and dehumanising. the meanings of words change, and if a handful of people from a relatively small community tell you it's hurtful and dehumanising, you don't get to tell them otherwise.

by saying things like "narcissistic abuse", instead of emotional abuse or abuse, you're adding to the stigma. by calling your abusive partner or friend a narcissist instead of what they are — 'an abuser', you're adding to the stigma. by armchair diagnosing ( diagnosing an individual despite not having the knowledge / legal qualifications to and purely basing it on personal / biased experience ) people guilty of performing in a toxic, abusive, harmful or negative way with narcissistic personality disorder, you are adding to the stigma. and above all else, it's ableist. it's discrimination and it's social prejudice.

here are a couple of useful resources relating to the definition, discussion and stigma surrounding npd. i will also be making a post listing alternative and appropriate vocab options for a variety of commonly misused labels.

5 things you got wrong about narcissistic personality disorder, a short, informative comic.

narcissus and the daffodils, an essay on the nature of npd.

please avoid adding onto this post to keep from spreading misinformation or stigma, but feel free to reblog! if you have something to say, i encourage you to send it to my asks. but i think at this point, if you're still set on misusing the term and adding to the stigma, i personally have done as much as i can. i really do sympathise with trauma-born ableism. but it's not acceptable and i'd like to think the majority can do better than that. just because others choose to contribute to the ableism, doesn't mean you have to. everyone deserves to heal from their trauma, including us, and including you.

[thatcheeseycandle]

//OKAY TO THOSE WHO ARE IN THE TTTE/TIDMOUTH SERVER, OR ANYONE WHO SEES THIS, YOU KNOW ITS TIME FOR A YIAU REACTION

TW SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF CHP. 37 AND SOME BITS OF A GOLDEN SOUL

(Notes on my last post will be at the end)

OHFMSJAHAJAKSHDHSJAJSHD ITS HERE YEAHAHAHAHHDHD ITS HERE FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN

Oh OH THEYRE THERE ALREADY THEYRE AT THE HOUSE, MANSION, WHATEVER IT WAS

Ah gosh RIGHT THE HYBRID THING. Thank God I did a refresh read before this chapter came out

GADWALL BEHAHAJDB HOLY GOSH

"She has to be okay. I can't just abandon her!" Oh you loyal man, considering she's not.. Yknow in there anymore, I'll be bracing myself for whatever emotions are to come to both Oscar and the readers BEGAJAKDJCB

"You're going to be a part of this family very soon, need I remind you" YEAAASSS THAT TOO! Still feels like a feverdream to now see that these two are engaged considering long ago they were a bit messy with their relationship (aka, A Golden Soul and perhaps many other series-es)

Wait a click GADWALL IS A SILVER SOUL????

Okay now that adds onto my theory of (most likely) all the revived constructs (aka people like Quicksilver) being silver souls, cause to think about it I think Gold dust would've been too limited (most likely) around the time they were actually revived

So then, silver souls were one of the few ways to get ehm back during said times, as to not risk wasting Gold dust

But then- It wouldnt make sense considering HENDRICK HAS VILES OF GOLD DUST but I suppose it could've been gained around recent years and not like by the minute he was revived

ANYWAYS CONTINUING THE CHAPTER! I'll be saving those theories for seperate posts I suppose

Sorry Oscar you just YOU GO WITH HIM TO TELL HER THAT, SHE REALLY REALLY NEEDS TO HEAR IT.

"I know. You always come back running to me, one way or another." Considering a lot, same goes to you Truro to Scot LMAOAIDH

Woag WOAH GADWALL

WHAT ON EARTH?? IS THIS IMPLYING THAT SILVER SOULS HAVE ABILITIES SIMILAR TO THAT OF A GOLDEN WARDEN OR IS GADWALL ONE?????

GOOD LORD-

Oop OOOOOOO WE'RE BACK TO MAYFLOWER AND (Actually) BLUE PETER

Lack of stamina, waif WAIF WAIT

I might post the note I saved this theory on onto my tumblr after this, but is this- IS THIS BLACK SMOKE

Okay now thats sortve an exaggeration considering lack of stamina can be a sympton of a lot of things, BUT ANYWHO CONTINUING ON

Oh yikes YIKES OKAY, INSISTENT, NOTING THAT DOWN

I love how 9F was used in that sentence, fits well!

Friends FIRUABAB OKAY WE GETTING INTO THE LITTLE PEEKS LETS GO

"He'd push everyone that might have given him a place to rest his wheels." Sorry I just I nearly exploded at that sentence, ITS SO AIHFJDUFH Its relatable in a way

CLASS 37 MENTION LETS GOOOO

Her name has a ring to it, lovely!

"We so rarely get larger engines visiting our small piece of paradise."

"Excuse me, I'm a larger engine!" mAYFLOWER BEHAHAJDBXNZ

CRACKED ME UP RIGHT THERE LMAO

(Insert words that describe me just going suddenly quiet reading Blue Peter's thoughts and basically whats happening between the three)

Now wasnt that lovely! Yknow yhe title card got me all tense when I read out Blue Peter's name when I started reading this bit LMAO CAUSE I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS GONNA YKNOW YEAH HAPPEN

HOLYGO I NEARLY LOST MY OXYGEN, BITTERN MY GUY HAHAHAJAHDHXN

"You act like this is a common thing, Grey"

"That's because it is!" I am not getting over these two australians BEHSJDHDB THIS IS ONE OF THE MOMENTS THAT GET MY CURIOSITY ALL UP FOR FLASHBACK BITS TO PENDENNIS' PAST

shy SHYAHAHAJFB

I love how this bit of the convo is just:

"Well you didnt tell me!"

"How could we? We didnt even know shite about how it works for you!"

FIAYR DUDT

New nickname for Gold dust, Fairy dust

Grey that is one of the most poetic interesting things you've said HOLY GOD

Honestly I cant blame them, even if they knew, that sentence wouldve been magnificent either way

"I mean, who better to run a railway museum than an engine, right?" The way Olivia is technically half an engine (or is she?) and now theres this lad BEHAHAJAKDH

Wait GREY. LORE BIT LORE BIT- Okay I mean why am I surprised, SILVERFOX AND WHO I SUSPECT TO BE BLINK BONNY WORK ON THE BLUEBELL RAILWAY OF COURSE THERES CONSTRUCTS LIKE THAT

(For context, in aGS Godred says he met this person named "Bonny" alongside Silverfox when he was on the Bluebell, but thats from what I remember)

Aait WAIT HORATIO HE

IS THIS IMPLYING HE ALSO TAKES A SIMILAR ROLE????

Waut WUAJAJA OHMYGOD GOLDEN CIRCLE MENTION, GOLDEN CIRCLE MENTION FOLKS

WELL SAID HORATIO WELL SAID (I am speechless)

Oh God OH GOD

OKAY FINALLY THEY REALIZE THAT

WELL SAID EVERYONE.. WELL SAID (I am still speechless)

Oh so THATS WHY THEYRE CALLED WARDENS ITS OHMYGO IT MAKES SOME MORE SENSE NOW

Wait WAIT. HOLY SHIT

THE FUCK YOU MEAN THEY WERE THE ONES TO RUN IT????? THIS

IT MAKES SENSE NOW, WHY THOSE PRICKS HAD ACCESS TO BLACK-SMOKE RELATED THINGS LIKE YKNOW THE LITTLE CANISTER THAT CAUSED SCOT HIS NIGHTMARES AND THE VILE OF BLACK SMOKE

ITS A FUCKIN CORRUPT SYSTEM

Well damn I never expected that a corrupt government would pop up in YIAU, but then again YIAU is basically collecting every type of trauma so LMAOHDGHD

Oh wait he isnt blue in this timeline LMAO NEARLY FORGOT ITS STILL 2023 IN THIS

YoYOYOYOYOO A GNR SADDLE-TANK LETS GO

Yeah YEAAHH FIGHT OFF THOSE OLD HABITS LETS GO BLUE PETER

"It was what enamoured him to that King Class, his dearest Eurion" dare I say the term- BLUE PETER YOU BEHAJDHXB I SEE YOU

"He had always been good at hiding what ailed him. So why was he failing now?" WELL THAT SHOT DIRECTLY INTO MY HEART DIDNT IT

Ohmygo💥💥💥 This is why I love Mayflower, LOOK AT HER SHES JUST YEAH

SHES GOSSIPING WITH HER FRIENDS BEHAJDHDND

Cold and the pain. THE COL-

OHMYGOD OKAY YEAH THIS EXPLAINS THE TITLECARD, WELL I MEANT MAY EXPLAIN BUT YKNOW YEAH

Well I be damned, thats actually kind of true in a way. BUT I MEAN SHE IS TECHNICALLY DIRECTLY RELATED TO THEM AS A NIECE (referencing another chapter I unfortunately forgot the number to but I'll put it in the tags if I do remember it)

AH CRAP I GOTTA EAT DINNER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD- ILL COME BACK TO THIS DRAFT SOON

I AM BACK YEAH LETS GO

"After accepting Tornado he realised just how alone he was." Well THATS. THATS SOMETHING TO BE SHOT BY ON A FRIDAY EVENING

(Insert just a cacophony of "WHAT"s, "NO"s, "STOP NO"s, "LORD"s, and then silence just reading this bit)

"Don't ever feel sorry for being sick, this isn't the 50s or 60s anymore, you won't get scrapped just because you've got a rivet wrong." wHAT IS WITH THIS CHAPTER AND IT'S DEEP QUOTES

But still, wise words from Mayflower right there

Ohmygod. OHMYGOD. I JSUT

I PREDICTED IT AGAINMYGOSOAOOAOAO

THE BLACKSMOKE THE OHVYAJAOAOAOAIDB I THEORISED IT AND I WAS CORREFT

WELL SOMEWGAT CORRECT BUT I WAA CORRECT ABOUT HIM HAVING BLACKSMOKE OHMGYODOAOAKJZBXNX

OH NO ONONNOOBOOO NONO BLUE PETER HOLD ON TO YOURSELF

BE STRONG BE STRONG

NOOOOOOO BLUE PETER NO

(Future me here, I screamed my lungs out irl and my gosh I was not okay since I waa processing a lot of emotions LMAO)

Oh shet its Lode Star OKAY YEAH ITS MUSEUM TIME GUYS

OH ITS THIS BIT BEHAHAHAJXHX

Ay AY WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS ON DOTTI THERE

"He refused to admit it, but he had missed her too." YIEEEEE MALLARD ADMIT IT ALREADY

Woah WOAH KING GEORGE

OOOOOOOO DRAMA LETS GOOO

Wait. King Edward II WAIT. WAI TNOU

NONONONONOO WHAT NO THIS NO NONONONONO

MALLARD FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU JUST GOT BACK NOOOOOOOOO

(Future me here yet again reading over this review before I post it, I was in silence for a while processing this LMAO SO YEAH YKNOW THE EMOTIONS WERE DOING THEIR THING IN THIS CHAPTER)

ANYWHO. GOD THAT- THAT WAS HARD TO SWALLOW

Yet again another well delivered chapter by RedWryvernWrites aka Baku! The emotions were REALLY tugged on in this chapter, anxiety was the main emotion in this LMAO but I did also appreciate those little spills of lore in the mix!

Anywho, I'll see you lot in my next post then!

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Went through the RAM playlist and picked out all my favorite lines

I still don’t know who you are / I only know that I’m still lonely / That morbid sort where even company can’t cure me / And the more you reassure, the less I trust - Against the Kitchen Floor

All the king's horses and all the king's men / Couldn't put me back together again - All the King’s Horses

Make me pay for fucking up the rest of your life - AND I’M GONE

Take my identity / All the best parts of me / And mould them into what you want! - Another Tuesday Night

And it’s my problem if I have no friends and feel I want to die - Are You Satisfied?

A prison’s not always a dark place / With grey closed in walls and big loud chains / They can hide in the skin of a home - As Above So Below

Someday I will go back outside and see her, okay - Baby Hotline

Reborn / Reform / Twist my legs to one / And mind to none : Don’t leave me be / I’m a bathtub mermaid / I cannot swim but only sing - Bathtub Mermaid

I feel like / I never knew you / And I never wanna know you again - Better Off Gone

In this case, just won’t you go and please let it be / Because I still won’t be able to say sorry - Breaking Things Into Pieces

Tell me when to drink, tell me when to eat, tell me when to smile, tell me when to breathe / Tell me when I overreact / No, tell me again, please / I love being told what to do, but only when I'm told by you / At least, that's what I used to think, but nowadays, I'm on the brink - Cannibal

Take this pill, you'll feel much better / When you wake up numb and your brain's been severed - Careful What You Wish For

Take a good look this is me / This is what I’ve come to be - The Chattering Lack of Common Sense

They say they wanna help, but they always fucking leave - CODE MISTAKE

When did I become a man / Trapped inside a ghost? / If you could only see me now / I know I'd disappoint somehow - The Comfort of a Laugh Track

You'll be fine you honeycomb / Who could ever hurt you? Who could be so cold? - Community Gardens

I’ve become what you like / I am what you wanted, right? - Copycat

Stay asleep / And blame / Everyone for giving up - Cross

Oh, circumcise my love for you / It's far too vapid and aimless - Cupid

Under my skin, you're unwrapping / All that I am, I swear / I wanted to keep, I wanted to stay / Deep in your head forever / I wanna show you something / Melting through my brain / Every time you're around / You're assaulting me - D D D N N N A A A

Carved right into my head / Quick lobotomy / Then left me for dead - Dangerous

I don't think I know myself, without your help - A Dangerous Thing

Buried in the basement, cold cement / Dead comes talking, can’t put them to rest - The Dead Come Talking

So I’m taking your narrative, and I’m making it mine - The Dismemberment Song

I’m gonna be in love forever cause I’m gonna die tonight : Transformation complete, transformation complete / You are now, as you once were: beautiful - DOGMATICA

Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same? - Dr. Sunshine Is Dead

I’m black, then I’m white / No! Something isn’t right! / My enemy’s invisible, I don’t know how to fight - Echo

And so long to the person you begged me to be / He's down, he's dead / Now take a good long look at what you've done to me - Farewell Wanderlust

You hurt me / You hurt me / But it's all okay / Because I love you anyway : I have no clue what you’re saying / I’m gonna lose my mind! - Folie a Deux

I was shown my place, but I didn’t care for it - Gambler

I get to be dumb, you get to exercise control - GIRL HELL 1999

I’m not her / And I’ll never be / I’m just debris - Going Insane

You told me something along like / The lines of “It’s all my fault that you are the way you are” / That is right, it is all your fault / But I hope you just remember that it's not all there is to it - Heavenly You

A vivisection of me / Done by God for all to see - Honey I’m Home

Am I a toy to you, my love? / Just a thing to play and / Then throw away - A Human’s Touch

My love must be a kind of blind love / I can't see anyone but you - I Only Have Eyes For You

Me and the TV are enemies / Sickening static surrounds my mind - I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead

I've got you under my skin / I've got you deep in the heart of me / So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me - I've Got You Under My Skin

You say that I’m better / Why don’t I feel better? - Karma

Do I know who I pretend to be / Of whom am I a copy? - Language of the Lost

I only turned out to be just one more girl you slew - Let the Record Show

There’s an old voice in my head that’s holding me back / Well, tell her that I miss our little talks - Little Talks

You’re just a clown, just a pet / Whispering love yet again - Loveit?

Some moments last forever, but some flare out with love, love, love - Love Love Love

And now, even though you're mad, and these memories won't stay / That's okay / Cause now I get to meet you for the first time every single day - Marbles

Die once every three minutes - Marijuana’s a Working Woman

Doctor, I can’t tell if I’m not me - The Mind Electric

You want a taste of my brain / Okay, it’s yours anyway - Misery Meat

You were never my god - My Creator

The girl is like an architect / And I am just the new invention - New Invention

Please spare me indignity / And won't you please give me some decency? / And won't you please call it if our time is through? / Cause I know that we fall apart when nothing's new - Nothing’s New

I know exactly what’s best for you / I’ve don’t exactly what’s best for you - Novocaine

You're not a coward 'cause you cower / You're brave because they broke you / Yet broken still you breathe : Cause I'm not trapped, oh with you, you see / You're the one who's trapped with me / Cause you are in the earth of me / You are in the earth of me / My head's not yours, it's mine / And I'll take my fucking time / 'Cause I know, I know, I know - The Old Witch Sleep and the Good Man Grace

Novocaine, lobotomize me, teach me how to think - P3T

Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils - Pet

What’s a pound of flesh between / Friends like me and you - Pound of Flesh

Folded puppets in a chest / Satin, static, lost in manic - Puppeteer

Close your mouth / And your eyes / And your heart / Your new eternity lies with us - Return to the Motherland

I get high to leave all these problems on the ground / Then to my surprise, they're right there when I come back down - Riptide

Look at me, look me in the eyes / Forget yourself, surrender your mind / Right now, you're mine / All mine / Give in, you're mine / All mine - Rule #34

Must be lonely loving someone / Try’na find their way out of a maze - Should’ve Been Me

There's something quite enjoyable when someone is destroyable - Sink or Swim

You hung me on your wall / Stabbed me with your push pins / In public, showed me off - The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Now it sounds so good to me and it used to sound so good to me! / It doesn't sound so good to me, it never sounded good to me! - There’s Something Happening

This, this, this is not love / I don’t know what it is / But I know this / This is not love - This Is Not Love

You’d say that things have improved, right? - Those Who Carried On

I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life - tolerate it

I know / You belong to somebody new / But tonight you belong to me - Tonight You Belong to Me

So she dressed me up as the man she loved / Then threw me in a box when she had had enough / Now the light of day I no longer see / She stuck her voodoo pins where my eyes used to be / Accidentally tragic / Victim of her black magic / Had a boy once who loved me / Now he's so afraid of me - Toy Boy

The things I see are a dread I must withstand / On my own - Uncanny

I don’t think there’s anyone under your skin - Under My Skin

I wanted someone tall and firm to reassure that I'm doing this right / But it's starting to hurt when you hold me tight - Unreliable

When I'm too far gone / Dead in the eyes of my friends / Will you take me out of here - Watercolor

Stranger things than death can happen / To lab rat girls and pretty white rabbits - …well, better than the alternative

And when you scream, "I'm not alright" / And throw my picture at the wall / You were supposed to be my light / And keep me safe against them all / "How could you leave me here?" you'll scream / And louder, I'll scream back to you from that unknown / And say, "I know you're strong enough, I know you're strong enough / I know you're strong enough to do this on your own” - Welly Boots

Transformation / You've changed within / Some selfish mutation / A stranger I once called a friend - What Have You Become?

My head is spinning, I am beaten in the end - White Happy

Just take me as I am / A memory so vivid / And savor all the parts you can / Cause no one mourns the wicked - Wicked

You don't have to say you love me / Just be close at hand / You don't have to stay forever / I will understand - You Don't Have to Say You Love Me

[incendio22]

FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Chapter 12: One Step Forward

''I did some digging and it seems as if someone in my family will have a daughter named Merope. This Merope will meet a man and give birth to this dark wizard we all saw in the prophecy. At least that is what I think.'' Ominis explains. ''I have no idea who the little boy in the prophecy is, but all I know is that a lot of people are going to suffer from the supposedly evil wizard with the last name Gaunt. It almost sounds like a joke, now that I say it out loud.''

I am confused, as seems Sebastian. This may explain a bit of the prophecy, but there is still no explanation as for why this wizard was pale like snow, had red eyes and missed his nose. Nor what the boy with the scar had to do with it. There are too many questions that need answers before we can make a next move, if any at all. Given my lack of knowledge about prophecies and the limited information, it's too soon to decide what we are going to do. We need to know more, if the wizarding world really is at stake.

''How did you research the prophecy?'' Sebastian asks curiously, still looking confused.

''I did some reading. There was not much to be found about prophecies.'' Ominis explains.

I always found it fascinating how Ominis managed to read books with his wand. I know the wand chooses its wizard, but it still baffles me how much magic can do.

''Maybe there is someone we can ask.'' I suggest. ''Of course, it has to be someone we trust. So we don't draw any attention to us. Do we know an auror, or anyone with this knowledge?''

''Well... Not precisely.'' Ominis starts, but seems to hesitate. ''Anne wanted to become an auror. She read a lot, too.''

''She wouldn't want to help us.'' Sebastian says hasty.

''She wouldn't want to help you.'' Ominis corrects him. ''But if Y/n and I were to tell here that the entire wizarding world is at stake, she might be able to overlook the fact that you had a finger in finding this prophecy.''

''Ominis is right.'' I tell Sebastian as I give him a compassionate smile.

He looks disappointed, but seems to understand. Anne did after all write him that she was not sure if she could ever forgive him. But Ominis and I might have better odds, given that she is aware that we both did our very best to keep him away from dark magic.

''No one has seen her since she left Feldcroft.'' Sebastian says quietly. ''And I have no idea where she might have gone.''

''I'd say we leave it to me and Y/n to investigate.'' Ominis says quickly. ''They might keep information from you. Anne could have asked the villagers too.''

I nod in agreement.

''That would make sense.'' Sebastian admits and turns around, obviously upset.

Ominis tells us that he's heading back to the common room and I hope Sebastian invites me to stay with him in the Undercroft. He does, but the atmosphere is not nearly as warm as our last meeting.

''I miss her.'' He admits. ''I just hope she is okay. I can't believe I pushed away my own sister like that, when all I did was trying to help her.''

''Your judgement was clouded. Try not to blame yourself, please.'' I beg him. My mind wanders back to my lips on his hand, thinking that I will forgive him every day, until he forgives himself. ''You love her, you only wanted her to get better.''

He walks closer to me and puts his arms around me, folding us into a hug. It's not a romantic hug, but rather the kind of hug that occurs between two friends supporting each other. Yet, I feel the sparks in my chest and the butterflies fluttering.

''Thank you.'' He lets go of me and gives me a sincere look. ''You really are one of the best people I have ever met.''

I smile at him, unsure what to reply. Sometimes it's like we don't even have to communicate with words to understand each other.

''I wonder when this prophecy takes place.'' Sebastian says loudly. ''Is it happening in a year? In 10? In 100?''

''I have no idea.'' I admit. ''It would make things easier, though. Having some idea on what time-span we have to work with.''

After a long night of conspiring about the prophecy, we head back to the common room. I am really starting to appreciate our late night strolls throughout the castle. We never talk much, since we cannot afford getting caught by Peeves or waking the portraits up. But I enjoy his company. As we walk, he grabs my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. I light up with joy, feeling the warmth from his hand and smile to myself. He notices.

''Did I just make you smile without saying a word?'' He says in a tone that indicates that he's proud of himself.

I nod and feel my cheeks flush. As always, I hope the darkness is working in my favour and hides it. Apparently, it doesn't.

''And... You're blushing?'' He says even more full of himself this time. ''God, who knew a Slytherin would look so incredibly stunning with red cheeks.''

He lets go of my hand and does a happy spin. I hold a laugh back, cheeks on fire and a lust that's consuming me. I want him so badly.

We arrive in the common room. We stand in the middle of the room, where we normally say goodnight before heading to our dormitories. As I start walking towards the girls' dormitories I hear him speaking to me.

''You're gonna be the death of me. You know that, right?''

[legendarydragonperson]

YOUNG ROYALS 3 SPOLIERS MY PERSONAL OPINON!!!

Episode 1

Besides Simon's pretty girl entrance, the Queen (and the duke but tbh i completely forgot about him) not giving a flying fuck about August an adult recording her underage son having sex is just outrageous and the core of his ugliness and the blackmailing of it all makes it 10x worse. August I will never forgive him unless he throws himself in jail.

The obvious homophobia and uncomfortableness with the other court speakers (who the fuck is even was that guy) is just not ever going to make a difference in how Simon and Whilhelm feel about each other.

They are already out in the world as a gay couple. The court is so stupid trying to even get them to quiet down. They're here, (and queer) get over it and learn how the situation is never going to go back.

Simon's mom already mentioned in front of Whilhem the start of her and her son's harassment and boy didn't SAY ANYTHING. Burnt PRIDE FLAGS and hate letters should have already been a sign to help them out with security and surveillance.

Also, the court's lack of communication with Simon is something that was a constant annoyance. I don't know how they do it in Sweden but I was expecting the whole RWARB situation where they take strict actions to shut the gay boys up. (I'm not saying I want it but let's be honest that's the most realistic action)

Also, the whole Queen being mentally unstable situation is just so broad and intense that I am so confused. Is she experiencing grief again, depression, or is she physically ill, like I know we don't always need labels but I need one because trust me I know what a mother in grief looks like but she hardly gave Whilehem time to grieve at all.

And speaking of Erik being a big part of this season after hardly being mentioned in the second season (correct me if I'm wrong) is both good but damn it feels so late.

About Sara's whole burnout is sympathetic she tried to talk to Simon and he doesn't want to that's on him. I also don't believe that Simon should have said "All of this is your fault." The drugs were on you and not paying attention to the "paying part" of that tutoring lesson. Yes August should of paid you but you bro how bout don't sell your sisters drug.

Also, him blaming Sara instead of August pisses me off, and they hardly even speak this season which pisses me more off.

Now the show has been hinting about August's eating disorder from time to time to extensive exercising and body checks. But they did that one scene in a future episode that we all know about i know this is going off the episode but that's it. We don't get anything else and theirs a big ass chance he won’t get help which is sad. I'm seeing a lot of people praise that scene but it was one scene and it was laughed at (not the show or the characters but still is was brushed off.

Simon turn off your fucking notifications. It's harder for Simon cause he's not used to it but girl make your Instagram private and have some social media common sense about awareness and the inevitable hate. The hate coming threw your mail box is uncontrollable but the one app you use is.

Sara going back to her dad's would have been interesting if we already didn't know he was an alcoholic and constantly lets people down. It was kinda obvious the rise of high she felt and his eventual downfall.

The cunty principle just reminded me of s3 of sex education. A bit cliche.

That's it for now this was mostly for me but interact with it if you'd like.

[milatibrahiim]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

In shaa allah you are all in the best state of health and imaan. I am writing up this letter as naseeha for my beloved sisters, as I am noticing a trend nowadays where a new sisters owned dawah page will pop up at least once a week. Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to spread dawah, it is of course one of the 4 principles of tawheed. However, the amount of compromising and lack of hayaa is very ironic. And concerning to say the least.

I trust that the intention of these sisters are pure and filled with motivation in wanting to convey the message. But remember dear sister, there are conditions and limitations one must follow. Did not Aaisha r. a give dawah behind a screen with her voice firm and her demenor strict? So why is it my dear sister you think it's "dawah" by constantly uploading personal images and captions onto your stories? Updating the world of your whereabouts? What you're having for dinner? Sharing memes and laughing with the world? My dear sister what is this?

Wallahi every sister who falls into this must be ashamed of themselves. A Muslimah is to be quiet, shy and reserved. When she is addressing those who aren't her mahaarim, she is firm in her voice and to the point. She understands that just because she may cover her entire

body, doesn't mean she still isn't vulnerable and susceptible to fitnah. Your hijab is also a concealment of your tongue and actions.

You're absolutely contradicting the purpose of your hijab when you cover yourself head to toe, black on black, no skin showing whatsoever, but you go ahead and expose yourself to your stories, giggling with strange brothers over nonsense, and sharing what kind of attar and abayas you love to wear.

Ya Allah, Allahu musta'aan. Have some humility dear sister. The Lord of all the Worlds is watching you and will hold you accountable. The next time you find yourself writing up a post about hayaa and hijab, look to yourself and ask, are you even applying the concept of that yourself? Have some sense dear sister.

Another common issue I'm also witnessing, is these arguments between brothers and sisters over a political issue pertaining to the deen. It's as if both parties have lost all sense of their dignity and hayaa. And you dear sister, are no better. Yes the man is responsible for himself, but you too are responsible. You dear sister, are responsible for entertaining such behaviour. As someone once stated, these men are not your mahaarim to care about your honour the way you value it.

And as for private messages, these sisters don't even realise it was them that opened that door to fitnah. You have no one to blame but yourself. Again, yes these brothers are responsible for themselves, but you are too. You made it known you were a woman and turned your so called dawah page into a funhouse, that invited all these men into your dms. Wake up to yourself seriously.

My biggest advice to every single sister who wishes to spread dawah, one, move to telegram as there is no communication whatsoever with anyone. You are able to completely turn off likes, comments which distract the heart and causes it to forget its intentions.

Two, do NOT make it known you are a sister. First of all, its not necessary and you're making the first mistake in sharing information that just isn't important to know. It is knowledge that does not benefit. And secondly, you become a hotspot for fitnah.

Enough with the attention seeking. You may not see it as that, but that's exactly what is happening. Basic fact and reality does not conceal your ignorance.

And thirdly, it's honestly better for you to remove yourself from these socials and start by seeking dawah yourself. Replace the time you'd put in to reply to messages and check who liked your posts with seeking knowledge. And not just seeking but implementing. In the long run, this is a far better option for you because at least you will have on your concious that you will enter your grave with absolutely nothing, but the knowledge that you prepared for it.

Please forgive me for my harsh bluntness, it is all out of frustration and concern for my dear sisters in Islam. I ask Allah to purify our intentions and forgive us for our shortcomings, may He increase us in knowledge, and may He not take our souls except when He is pleased with us.

  𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝

         -𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐧

[by-kilian]

hey kw! i saw you were doing an ask game so here i am! i hope you’re doing well and life is treating you good. i still need to catch up on STH i’m slackinggggg but life is beating my ass. trust i’ll do it soon i actually have some time off coming up so i’ll be in your dms crying about levi and kilian look forward to that 😫😂 OKAY now for the game i chose 🌻💎🎀! i’m looking forward to your answers!

Hi my heart! You know you're welcome in my inbox anytime, it does NOT have to be when I have an ask game circulating 🥺❤️❤️. I am doing much better and life is being a lot kinder to me now, but I am so sorry to hear it's been hard for you. As for STH, don't even worry about catching up. Like I told a friend today, you still have your own life to live! The story will be there when you're ready for it. Plus with how long I take to write these days, that is doubly true LMFAO.

I'll answer your questions under the cut meanwhile, and thank you for entertaining it!

🌻 What makes you want to give up on writing? What makes you keep going?

This is a really good question. I think the only thing that makes me want to give up on writing lately is lack of genuine community and interaction. I don't mean this way other people may typically mean it either. I think you all know how I feel about comments, kudos, likes, reblogs, etc.--they're lovely but they are bonuses to me in regards to writing. I don't need those things to stay motivated and I will never tell readers how they need to interact with my stories, nor will I ever demand that they do XYZ in order for their love to be valid.

However, I have noticed recently that everybody's interactions with fics has dipped down within the last year, not just on tumblr but on AO3 too. A lot of people just like things and move on and that's it and nothing else. You're always tossing your works out into the ether when you write and post, but it doesn't necessarily feel great to see people sifting through your works and clearly liking them but they never drop a thanks or mention anything else about the work otherwise. It kind of makes you feel like a content machine and you're like "oh, okay, thank you! 🧍🏻‍♀️" to nothing or no one in particular because you don't get anything else from that kind of interaction.

This isn't fandom specific either, it's across the board. I think fandom/fanfic landscape and how people interact within fandoms across the board has changed a lot because people do not commune anymore. We all got into this because we share a common interest, but these days everyone just kind of keeps to themselves and I truly wish we all wore our hearts on our sleeves a bit more. I get both sides of it! But fandoms are about community, and community means nothing if we're all isolated. It used to be a lot more of a give and take between readers and authors where people could thoughtfully engage in conversations, and these days I don't really see that as much as before. I'm sure there are various (many very valid) reasons as to why, but I think what I'm saying is I miss the sense of community. It's no one's fault either so I don't want to make it seem like I'm blaming anyone in particular. I think it's just the way things are these days because fandom culture itself has changed and it makes me a bit sad is all. It's definitely one of the reasons why I often think about and talk about retiring from writing.

But on a positive note, what does keep me going is my personal love for writing, and then moments like this, no Kelly Clarkson! When I recognize frequent names and realize there are some readers who I've spoken to for years that are still speaking to me now, it brings me a lot of joy. Those connections are so lovely, and I value it a lot. ❤️ Those two things are what keeps me going.

💎 Why is writing important to you?

Writing is important to me because I love the art of writing. I love everything about literature and telling stories. I think there is such a beauty to it. Everyone has a story to tell and be told. That is why it's important to me.

🎀 Give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I'm really good at creating memorable, immersive moments that you take with you even when you're done with the story.

On an end note, I really am sending you all my love and hoping things look up for you soon. Lots of love and hugs. Thanks so much for being you, always! :3

[ilhoonftw]

i hate the whole 'youtuber x was weird about their minor fans' makes so many people say with full chest 'i don't understand how a 32yo can talk to 16yo they have nothing in common i'm 22 i can't see myself befriending a 15yo' like it's not an extreme stance that implies every human interaction will turn into something traumatic. 18 might start their first job and befriend a 40yo that's a normal thing. why do you believe a strict division and lack of contact between different age brackets is a good thing??? you're telling me you're avoiding your idk youngest cousin because ... age gap discourse. i had friends who were 10+ years older nothing inapropriate happened they just helped me out with figuring things out because they saw a lost young adult and talked to me. have i had weird interactions with older people, online or irl? yea. but going 'no only people my age can be my friends!' is not gonna solve anything. if a 15yo has a good friendly relationship with young adult that's gonna help them notice when another young adult approaches them with bad intentions. i am not vicitim blaming i just believe that young people, teen, kids need to be protected by those older by them and ostracizing kids is gonna make them more prone to being contracted by a creep. if that makes any sense

[alasse-earfalas]

It’s very interesting and strange to be a conservative who deals with gender dysphoria on a fairly regular basis.

If you don’t want to hear my frank views on the subject, feel free to keep scrolling. It wouldn’t surprise me given the current cultural climate if my “lived experience” gets tossed out the window or metaphorically burned by the mob because it doesn’t match the rhetoric. But if you want to hear my unique views on all this, feel free to keep reading.

To understand where my beliefs start with this whole thing, I need to go into religion a bit. I believe that everyone has a spirit, that God is the omniscient, omnipotent, and infinitely loving Father of our spirits, and that our spirits have a specific gender, either male or female, which is matched to our bodies upon birth. God does not make mistakes, and though our bodies may be imperfect, we are never placed in a body that is the wrong gender. I also believe, very strongly, that our bodies are sacred gifts from God, that their many imperfections will be overcome one day thanks to the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Any challenges we face with regards to our bodies now will not be permanent.

Now that I’ve gone over all of that, let me explain how this all fits into my experiences with gender dysphoria.

I don’t blame anyone of my political persuasion for not understanding how distressing and absolutely gut-wrenchingly real gender dysphoria is. The closest my male alts can approximate the experience is as follows:

“Imagine looking in the mirror one morning and seeing Barney’s face staring back at you. That’s mirror dysphoria. Now imagine moving around and realizing that your fingers are purple and three of them are fused together, and then your feet are all weird and you have a fetching tail with nerve endings that brushes against and bumps into things as you go about your day. You have this clear mental image of yourself and your body, but it’s not that. It’s that level of unsettling.” — Turo 

I’ve been a mental fly on the wall to witness the distress this causes, and I would not wish that on anyone. What’s especially curious about this experience, to me, is that there is a very powerful sense of “I am male / female”, not “I am masculine / feminine”. 

“Based on our own experiences, we (or several of us) suspect that the unconscious framework of how the mind defines ‘male’ and ‘female’ may well have to do with how parental figures treat the child in early infancy. In our case, ‘male’ is steady, reliable, safe, grounded, while ‘female’ is hyper-emotive, unstable, powerful, and often (but not always) unsafe.” — Rye

However, no matter how the unconscious mind of an individual defines male and female, we as fellow human beings all need a common term to describe certain physical realities, such as reproductive roles and the chromosome makeups that distinguish those roles. The role of language is communication. If a word means something different to you than it does to me, and we don’t realize it, we can hardly have a discussion using that word without causing massive confusion. Simply replace the meanings of the words “red” and “blue” and you’ll start to understand what I mean.

Though each individual may have their own unconscious ideas of what the words “male” and “female” mean, it is much more helpful in conversation to use the definitions of those words that are tied to physical reality: with the extremely rare exceptions of certain chromosomal disorders, male, boy, or man, means a human being with X and Y chromosomes, and female, girl, or woman, means someone with two X chromosomes. Those who don’t fall into either category are intersex. Every single human being ever born fits into one of these three categories, without exception, and each of these categories share a physical reality that the others lack. That is why these categories were defined to begin with: to describe a shared difference in physical reality. Societal norms and expectations attached to those categories were tacked on later, and can be wholly discarded without degrading the original definitions in the slightest.

This leads me to the subject of “body positivity”, which I’ve touched on before. Previously, I was writing under the assumption that “body positivity” meant “loving your body”. I now realize that this is not the case at all. “Body positivity” is about praising every kind of body, not about loving the body you’re in.

As someone who believes that the body is a sacred gift from God, and who believes that people should love their bodies in spite of the imperfections and hardships that they can present, this is especially disgusting to me. Your body is beautiful. Your body is a gift. Your body is something you should cherish, love, and take care of. Your body deserves love because it is a part of you. This applies whether or not you experience gender dysphoria. One of my male alts is very in tune with the needs of the body we have, and has recently forced his way out to the front several times, specifically in order to take care of it.

I’ve heard so many people spout “body positivity” while in the same breath saying that they hate their bodies so much that they want to mutilate themselves. You cannot love yourself if you do not love your body, and you cannot love your body if you want to chemically or surgically harm it. Believe me, I understand the discomfort and distress that comes along with gender dysphoria, but harming your beautiful body is not the answer. Taking care of your body is the answer. The alt I mentioned earlier, he deals with the dysphoria by viewing the body as an elderly patient that he needs to take care of. Yes it might be uncomfortable, but it’s fulfilling when the task is approached in a spirit of compassion and care.

I can’t think of anything else to say about the issue right now. I don’t know whether I’m going to get crickets or air raid sirens for this, but I haven’t seen a perspective like mine shared anywhere before. I’m open to any honest, good faith questions anyone may have on this issue or on anything I’ve shared. Feel free to send an ask or a dm or a comment or whatever means of communication you feel the most comfortable with. 

Take care everyone.

[awideplace]

there’s this girl who made a huge mistake to me (she lure my boyfriend to cheat, *i saw proofs & all) *also i’m fully aware that cheating are two way street* anyway, this girl is a seminary student in our church, she’s a christian worker & then that happened. when i learned about that thing of course i was so angry to my boyfriend (and her) confronted him & broke up with him. i never talked to this girl even after she learned that i am fully aware to what she did. i’ll be lying if i’ll say i’m not expecting any apology from her, i mean that’s the least she can do. she apologized thru sending me a cup of coffee and very lame note saying “i’m sorry” & that’s it. she messaged me thru fb messenger also saying she wants to apology personally but during that time i wasn’t ready to face her and my schedules & priorities too are also different and also i’m not sure with what i wanted to tell her. i really don’t know. now, there this one event in our church that we finally came into one place again after the incident, in short, we saw each other again. she never looked at me. she never apologized. and there’s this anger inside me that i suddenly feel seeing her as if she didn’t mean her apology. i think i partially expected that she will apologize to me personally because what she did is really horible. but she acts as if it was nothing. our common friends asked her why she acts like that or atleast show a little remorse to what she did be, her answer makes me feel upset, she said “i’m already down, i know what i did, why would i let myself down even more? this is how i help myself, i have to act normal again.” people advised me to not talk to her again. they even said that based on what they see towards her, she just want to apology to me to lift her guilt but not because she’s really sorry. tbh, i wanted her to apologized. i feel sorry for myself for feeling this way. is it wrong that i am expecting an apology from her? is it wrong for me to feel angry towards her for acting as if she didn’t do anything horrible? is it wrong for me to hate her guts and the confidence she’s showing with her reason that God forgaver her and she already forgive herself so she feels free and all. i don’t know exactly what to feel.

Hello, I'm so sorry for your pain. This sounds like a complicated situation, but what entails cheating on someone? As a Christian couple (which I'm under the impression you are a Christian and your boyfriend was a Christian) what does being caught cheating mean? If your boyfriend and this woman exchanged flirty text messages perhaps that is what it means (because I can't imagine there was sexual immorality in the sense of physical relations before marriage if everyone is a Christian here) or perhaps they kissed? If so, your boyfriend bears the responsibility for being a man and being in a relationship and not being faithful. As for this woman, what she did was wrong also, but your boyfriend was your boyfriend and to you and the Lord is to whom is loyalty should be with, so I would not blame her per se, he needs to bear the responsibly for his sin and he has hopefully apologized to you and repented before the Lord for his lack of faithfulness. He chose to sin, you cannot blame the other party however tempting they may have been–God holds us responsible for our own sin and a woman needs to hold a man responsible for his own doing in an act of unfaithfulness and not blame the other woman so to speak, he made a choice. She was also a guilty party, but he chose to be unfaithful to you.

You did mention this woman messaged you via Facebook wanting to personally apologize but you didn't take her up on it. As a Christian if someone sins against you and apologizes, you do need to forgive them (Matthew 18:21-22, Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). Now it sounds like she is "moving on" in the sense of trying to heal by, well, moving on from it all and this upsets you. I understand this, but it sounds like she did contact you via FB and try to apologize by saying she wants to get together and personally apologize, so what else can she do?

To answer your other question, "is it wrong for me to hate her guts and the confidence she’s showing with her reason that God forgaver her and she already forgive herself so she feels free and all." Yes, it is wrong (please see verses below) and just a side note: forgiving ourselves is not a teaching found in Scripture, we don't forgive ourselves nor are we told biblically to do this; the Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness, but it does not specifically address the concept of forgiving oneself. God's forgiveness of us is enough, we do not need to also forgive ourselves–to say we also need to forgive ourselves is to say God's forgiveness is not enough for us and we need to add our forgiveness because His isn't powerful enough. It sounds like, from what I understand, that she asked God for forgiveness and she tried meeting up with you to ask you for forgiveness but you said no, so I think she is in a correct standing to try and heal and she has received God's forgiveness.

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13 "If someone says, 'I love God,' but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?" 1 John 4:20 "If anyone claims, 'I am living in the light,' but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness." 1 John 2:9

I pray your heart heals and you forgive your former boyfriend and this woman and seek the Lord for His forgiveness in areas where you may struggle to forgive and remember, I say this out of love, "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." I am sorry for your pain. <3

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

On your last post about lesbians, it might sound weird, but I am asking it in genuine faith. How do I know I am lesbian and not bi. I never experienced sexual attraction to men, but sadly I had plenty of grouping, grooming, exposure to inappropriate materials, assault experiences when I was teen. That left me very confused. For a while I tried to date men in hopes to fix what is wrong with me (lack of sexual attraction to them whatsoever). I am still unsure I can really say I lack attraction to males, despite not dating anyone for more then decade and not wanting to date them ever. But I have had all those experiences. Should I consider myself bi based on that? So far due to amounts of trauma I am only stuck exploring my memory back and forth and sometimes panic 'what if i actually liked that second just a bit'? Or how do I really know I did not like it, outside of not liking it, bc what if I am confused/in denial/just traumatized? I know it sounds weird, but it is honestly how my brain works at the moment due to amounts of gaslight that surrounded all of it and peer pressure due to living in very conservative society. I did not knew or see any lesbian till much later in life, and for long time I was sure that I am just traumatized het that needs fixing her repulsion and I have weird escapist obsessions with my female best friends. Is that a bi experience people on tumblr always talk about that I should not go with to lesbian places? I know I said I lack attraction to men, but I wonder how can I really know for sure to prove it. Would I know if I have had it? I am much ashamed to bring it to any lesbian space to be honest, so I lurk on the side and don't talk.

Hi anon!

This is what I mean when I say that traumatized bi women calling themselves lesbians make things more difficult and confusing for everyone: traumatized lesbians don't willingly date men, no matter how hurt/confused we are, it's het/bisexual behavior. (I'm making an exception for having a "boyfriend" in elementary or middle school and not going further than a kiss, normally at that point any lesbian would be sure she doesn't want to do that with any boy.)

To be clear, I don't blame you here. I'm just saying that if bi women were more honest instead of calling themselves lesbians, you wouldn't torment yourself nearly as much. In my country, 50% of lesbian-identified women admitted that they were attracted to men. So surely this makes things confusing and that's why the common lesbian narratives don't make sense: lesbians have sex with men when we're miserable, we can be married with men for decades and have children with them before realizing we are lesbians, the only way a lesbian would be a gold star is if we have a perfect privileged life free from violence and homophobia, etc. Truth is, a lot of lesbians (including me) showed early signs of homosexuality no matter how ignorant we were of its existence and we never seriously think of dating a man, let alone act on it, no matter how traumatized we are and how much it can protect us from lesbophobia.

In my opinion, lesbians are not the women you should confide in about this, but bi women, so you can have a better idea of how wide that spectrum of experiences is. Sure, a lot of bi women hook up with men regularly or end up marrying a man, but that's not all of them! I personally know a bi woman in her 30s who never did anything with a man because, while she feels attraction, it's not enough to want to act on it. I know another one who is simply not interested in dating at all because she prefers reading and traveling alone.

You don't need to prove anything to anyone. As someone who did a lot of therapy for trauma due to male violence and lesbophobia, I think your focus should be on letting go of your past and creating the life you want, which is something you can do no matter your sexual orientation :)

I hope it helped!