#While Adieu is literally “to God”

[toyybox]

Spiderwebs #38: Occam’s Razor

Masterlist

content: escape attempt, stabbing

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Heather was asleep. Jackie felt terrible, but his coat was already on, so he couldn't look back now.

At least the packing was light. His book, an apple, a pencil and paper-pad, and the rolled up dollar bill he had found on Matthew’s corpse. It felt wrong to leave his entire life behind and take only that paltry selection, but he didn’t know what else to bring. Jackie didn’t want to steal any more from Heather. She might deserve it, sure, but she had been exceptionally sweet to him lately. It didn’t feel right to steal. And he didn’t know where she kept her money, which was what he really needed. Her clothes and things were useless to him.

Because money made the world go ‘round, and it also got you a full tank of gas. But the lack of it didn’t deter him. Heather’s car had enough fuel for a day or two. That was enough. Jackie had found her keys on the table. He was in no state to walk very far or fast, but a car could get him miles away within a few minutes. 

After that, he could try going back to his old apartment. There were people who knew him, even if they were indifferent. Maybe someone would give him a little more money, a phone call, a place to sleep at the very least. But the first step was the car, which was conveniently located in the parking lot just outside the hotel.

It was still betrayal. She would hate him for this. It won’t sink her, he reasoned. It’s not going to kill her. She has enough money to buy a new car and, besides, I’m sure she’ll appreciate the silence when I’m not here. He didn’t mean any harm. It was necessary. It was survival. It was tragic, yes, but inevitable. It was Occam’s razor—his reasoning wasn’t impossible to understand. 

His backpack was slung over his shoulder. His coat was all buttoned down. The sky went pale outside the window, only visible through a gap of curtain, striped by long strings of clouds. The hotel room was dark and hushed. He could hear every little breath Heather took.

Her face was obscured by the pillow. She slept on her stomach, or her side, he had discovered. She took silvery breaths, in and out. Her black hair was messed up by sleep, scattered across the soft white cotton. Her chest rose and fell, though it was hard to see from a distance. Jackie was only across the room, but he already felt so far away.

Au revoir. There was no time to waste on words. Ne parles pas, s'il te plaît. Ç’est adieu. If she woke up, he could spit out an excuse, but the window of escape would slam shut on his fingers. So his goodbyes would have to be silent thoughts and prayers. 

Indeed, it was a good time to start praying. Though he believed in nobody watching him and nothing after death, it was worth a try. He closed his eyes for a long moment. 

Heather didn’t stir. She didn’t make a sound.

It was a sign from God: hurry up, idiot. Hallelujah. Amen. So he opened the door. It creaked, and he winced, but she didn’t move an inch. 

Jackie stepped out the doorway. He walked into the hallway. She was still asleep. 

He closed the door. Excuses would be a little less believable, now, but he could still make them. He could go back, if he wanted. Tap out. But nothing worthwhile was ever easy, so he needed to just bite the bullet and get on with it.

There was nobody else there. The walls were plain white. There was some kind of stereotypical hotel pattern on the carpet, some kind of odd hexagon checkerboard. A dreamy feeling permeated the air. He made his way to the stairs, though every footstep felt like walking through liquid lead. 

His journey came in bursts in starts, stopping and taking breaks more often than he would like. He paused for an entire minute on the second floor because his vision went white—Heather told him why it happened, at some point, but he couldn’t remember now—and he had to blink the hotel back into view. For a while after that, he felt lightheaded. But it was a fairly uneventful walk otherwise.

He entered the lobby itself. Rather unimpressive, compared to the last few, but cozy. There were a few soft and worn sofas. No aquarium, but there was a water fountain, and a receptionist busy with a stack of loose-leaf papers.

It was otherwise empty, and completely quiet. And he wasn’t getting any younger. Jackie adjusted his backpack again, then he pushed the lobby doors open.

Outside. Good Lord. Out in the cold air without Heather. It pierced his lungs, scratched at his throat, vivid and pure. At this point, his hypothetical excuses were sounding more like desperate apologies. He would promise to never try anything like this ever again, plead and beg, maybe shed a few tears. But it was time to stop thinking of hypotheticals. This was really happening. He needed to focus.

His steps crunched through thin ice, which was scattered all over the sidewalk. The snow was starting to melt, though the weather was never predictable in that regard. Thinking of these things kept him moving, kept him from breaking down and cowering on the concrete, and kept him walking to the parking lot. 

There was nobody else there but himself. The concrete was cracking and the painted lines were chipping away. Weeds sprouted through all the potholes. Beyond a picket fence, there was a perfect view of the street, which was just as run-down and empty.

So this was his great Houdini trick. It wasn’t that exciting. There was not much to see. The sky was getting a bit more color in its complexion. It was faintly cobalt now. His mouth tasted of the cold air. 

Birds sang. Branches rustled, though they were quiet in the absence of their leaves. There were a few houses, down the block and up past the stores, although this was mainly a commercial block. A tailor’s, an antiques shop, a restaurant, lined up one after the other. But nobody was around. It was making him nervous.

He reached into his coat’s pocket and dug out the car key. He unlocked the doors. Although it was a faint sound, he could hear how the mechanisms clicked into place inside. He pulled the handle, and it opened without resistance. 

A pigeon landed on a faraway telephone wire. He turned his head, just for a second. No, it was too sleek, too dark to be a dove. Too haughty. It was a crow, or a raven. Something ominous, anyway. It spread its great fanned tail and set about fixing its feathers up. 

There was something comforting in that, the compulsive grooming of a bird, the repetition and the routine, the preemptive fluffing of wings before it flew—

“Turn around, Jackie.”

It had the effect of being pushed into an electrical fence, or being plunged into ice water. That overwhelming first shock. His throat closed up. His heart appeared to simply stop beating. 

And he knew this wouldn’t work. It never did. He would never be anything more than what he was—whatever that was, a rat or a doll, whatever you wanted to call it. This was a terrible, terrible mistake, and now it was time to pay the cost of ever wanting anything more.

“I didn’t tell you to ignore me. Turn around.”

Her voice was remarkably calm, which meant that Jackie was going to have nightmares about this for months. He turned around, though every bone in his body told him to run, though even the marrow and the soft tissue resisted his obedience, every nerve and muscle. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Heather, so he stared at the concrete instead. Cracks of gray, pieces of gravel and sharp edges.

“You’re so selfish," she said. “After everything I’ve done for you—“

“I can explain, I swear. This isn’t what it looks like.” He stepped closer to the car, as if that would help at all. This wasn’t supposed to happen. There were no rules here, no games to win. This was failure by default. The trap had already snapped shut. 

“Then explain. Right now.”

He stuttered. “It’s—I—It’s not—“ He glanced around. Maybe if he ran—

“Don’t you dare move.” She shoved him further against the car, held him trapped there between the metal frame and her presence. 

“I just…” He couldn’t come up with anything. “Heather. Please. Don’t make a scene, we’re in public.”

“I don’t care. I’ll scream. Don’t test me.” He believed her. There was nobody around to help, anyway. It was too early in the morning. “Tell me why you did it.”

Jackie had completely blanked out. His body had gone numb, nerve impulses all dead in their tracks. It was like he couldn’t even think, like he couldn’t perceive anything beyond his immediate senses—it was like he wasn’t even there, that this was a dream. He certainly had many dreams like this. None of them were very reassuring. But he didn’t have an answer for her.

“Fine.” She placed something at his throat, something small and sharp. Faintly, he recognized it as her Swiss Army knife. “We’ll discuss this at home.”

Home sweet home. How had she found him? Did the receptionist talk, or did she follow him that whole time? Jackie thought he would faint, but he managed to look up. He barely registered the action. He barely registered what she had said, and later on he wouldn’t remember that part at all. 

What he remembered was this: he saw the hotel windows. He hadn’t thought about them. They overlooked the parking lot. Anyone could see him perfectly clearly, and nobody except for Heather was awake. The curtains of their room had been drawn—roughly drawn, torn aside. He felt his stomach drop. 

He felt Heather’s hand on his wrist, felt his heart beating faster and faster, each breath shallow and rough and short. He didn’t want to go home. 

Heather had him pinned, but the street was only a short distance away. He tried to run. He pushed away with all the strength in his body. 

That only left him exhausted and got him stabbed straight through the throat. He hit his head against the car’s frame. He attempted to inhale, felt the warm bubble of blood, felt the pain of his flesh and failing lungs, and began coughing uncontrollably instead. Her grip on his wrist was too tight. He couldn’t pull himself away. 

Jackie was down on the ground before he could stop sputtering blood—gravel dug into his face—his wrists, pulled behind his back and bound with the cuffs—he tasted metal stinging his tongue, the roof of his mouth, and he could not breathe at all—something along his ankles, as well, and now there was a gag in his mouth. Not a chiffon scarf, this time. Something rougher, tasting of detergent. She did it all so quickly, without hesitation, like she was gutting fish.

As soon as it began, it was over. The world tilted, then something slammed shut. He did not have the energy to struggle. Jackie closed his eyes.

Pain came in heavy waves, all over his body, fading away as his pulse slowed. He exhaled and did not inhale again. Consciousness left him in privacy. One last comfort before… whatever happened next. 

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl @lthrboy @whumpy-wyrms

@yassifiedinformation @creppersfunpalooza

@vidawhump

[sunshine-theseus]

Apple and Chocolate Muffins | Katie McCabe x Reader

Words: 1.9k Summary: owning a café apparently brings you the girl of your dreams Warnings: fluff

Having your own little book café on a corner of a small street in St Albans, London, brings you things you’d never expect.

I’d first bought the place from an older lady, Ms Nelson, who sold antiques. She’d decided she wanted to spend whatever time she had left travelling. She tried to simply give it to me, but I couldn’t accept and ended up paying her half of what was listed.

She likes to send me post cards whenever she’s about to leave a place. I put the most recent on display on the counter and the rest go in an antique memento box she gifted me before she left.

Ms Nelson also introduced me to my best friend Juniper, one of her old workers who helps run the place now.

“3 years here and you still refuse to tell me what your special recipe is. Whyyy?” Juniper’s favourite item, was my special apple and chocolate muffins. It was an item I refused to take off no matter how many times we changed the menu.

“They wouldn’t be a secret then would they June?”

“But I’m your best friend. And I need these in my life daily.”

“I literally make an extra 3, every night, just for you.”

The ringing of the bell on the door stops her from retaliating, and I approach the counter while June finally makes an order for Mr Byrne, one of our regulars.

“Welcome to the Inkwell Café! What can I get you?” I look at the customer, but my breath gets caught in my throat.

It’s like the Gods just sent down and angel to derail my day. Her eyes were a greyish blue and her skin was sun kissed, freckles scattering her cheeks. And her arms… well fuck me.

“Hello?” I hadn’t even realised I’d stopped paying attention until she waves a hand in front of my face.

“S- sorry could you repeat that?” I let out a nervous chuckle, but she just smiles a magnificent smile.

She starts listing off an order and I momentarily get caught off by her Irish accent, but I manage to take down the 3 different drinks. I’m about to tell her the total when she stops me again.

“Oh! And can I get one of those apple and chocolate muffins? Jonas is going to kill me, but I hear they’re worth it.” I give her a confused look.

“My friend Steph, she comes here once a month as a treat and raves about it at training.” Training?

“Oh! Well, here’s an extra one for her! For free of course. What’s the name for the order?”

“Katie”

“It will be ready soon.” I flash a smile before going to make the coffees.

June comes out of nowhere.

“Why is Katie fucking McCabe in here?” she whispers into my ear.

“Who?”

“Katie McCabe. One of the best Arsenal players ever? Captain for the Republic of Ireland Women’s National Football team? How do you not know her? I talk about Arsenal all the time. They literally train right down the road.” I stare blankly back at her.

“How did she even find us? You don’t casually find this café on your way to work.”

“She said her friend Steph comes here, told her about it.”

“Steph Cately!? I’ve never seen Steph Cately walk through those doors.”

“…Who? And you do tend to not pay attention.” Juniper just groans and I finish making the coffees.

“Katie!” as I give her the drinks, her hand brushes against my own. Tingles run up my arm, but I bid her adieu with a small smile and wave.

~~~~~

Katie begins coming in every Tuesday and Friday, and we slowly get to know each other while Juniper freaks out in the corner. Or sometimes Katie liked to just sit and read in a corner for whatever time she had before she left for training. Either way it was nice.

She loved telling me about her younger sister Lauryn who was on her way to joining Katie on their senior national team, and her crazy encounters on the pitch during games. I tell her about how and why I decided to open a book café and retell the stories Ms Nelson sends me. I also desperately try to repress all my feelings for the Irish angel that blessed my shop every week.

I also find out who Steph is. A very nice Australian woman, who does in fact come in once a month for the Apple and Chocolate muffin. I get to know her a bit too, but she usually grabs her muffin and something for her fiancée and leaves.

The first time Katie misses a Tuesday is 4 months after her first visit. I’m disappointed but don’t think much of it until she doesn’t show up on Friday, or either day the week following. That’s when I decide to visit their training ground, obviously dragging June along to do any talking, to see if I can figure out what happened.

I don’t think about how weird it is until Juniper pulls me out of the car in front of their training centre at 9am on Friday after hurriedly closing the café. And a promise for a free coffee to everyone we had to kick out.

“June this was stupid, this is something you do, not me. Why didn’t you talk me out of it.”

“I’m about to meet the whole Arsenal team just because your huge crush failed to come for her regular coffee a few times.”

“But like it is weird she just stopped coming so abruptly, right? Like we were getting along.”

“I mean sure, but you didn’t freak out like this when Mickie stopped coming. And it took us another six months to find out she’d moved to fucking Glasgow.”

“We should leave shouldn’t we.”

I turn around to head back to the car right as we’re about to enter the reception but come face to face with a slightly shorter brunette. One I’ve seen the face of in some recent team photo Katie had shown me, but was otherwise completely unfamiliar.

“Are you trying to get in? The door can be a little tricky sometimes.” How many Australians did they have here?

“Oh no-“

“Yes! We’re friends of Katie; Y/n and Juniper, and we haven’t seen her in a few weeks. We were hoping to catch her.”

“Oh! I think she’s shown us a picture of you actually! She talks about you both quite a bit. I’m Kyra by the way.”

“I know.”

“Nice to meet you.” I talk over Juniper and hold out a hand for Kyra to shake.

“Well, I’m not quite sure why she hasn’t come to see you, but I can bring you back to the locker room, you’ll just need to fill some forms out probably.” She’s already leading us to the front desk before I can deny her offer.

 Not 5 minutes later Kyra is happily dragging us to the locker room, and I can see Juniper skipping next to me, clearly excited.

“Dude you’ve gotta calm down.” I whisper to her.

“More like you need to stop being so uptight. Kyra Cooney-Cross is literally leading us to the whole Arsenal women’s team.”

“McCaaaabe! Someone’s here to see yoouuu.” Kyra calls out as soon as she opens the door.

“It’s not my bloody mum again is it? I swear she decides to come surprise me far too often.”

I peak out from behind Kyra and give a small wave.

“Hiii” I say meekly as Juniper jumps into talking to her favourite players.

“What are you doing here?” Katie gives me a quick hug.

“Well, you kinda stopped showing up and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Oh, y- yeah. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I just, I started getting feelings for you and freaked out and thought that cutting you off would help.”

“Y- you like me?”

“Yeah. Like a lot. I obviously totally understand you don’t like me back.” She lets out a sigh and looks at her boots.

“Shh shoosh shut up.” I place my fingers under her chin and tilt her head up.

It was hard to escape the doom of falling in love with Katie McCabe. Her eyes were the perfect shade of blue, her lips the softest of pinks, her freckles like the stars. She had the kindest of hearts and the most beautiful laugh. A creation made by Aphrodite herself.

“I really like you too.” And her lips are softer than you could imagine as she presses her’s hard against my own.

We’re broken apart by an array of whistles and shouts from Juniper and Katie’s teammates and I hide my flushed face in her neck.

“I can’t believe we finally get to meet the girl Katie hasn’t shut up about for like 4 months.” Alessia Russo, one player I am familiar with, comments from across the room.

“You talk about me?” I poke her in the side.

“Y/n you can’t talk you literally don’t shut up about Katie. ‘Oh my god she’s sooo funny and pretty.’”

“Bro what the fuck? That was a secret you were meant to take to your grave.” Juniper simply shrugs.

“As much as I want to stay and tease you about how much you talk about me, and kiss you, we do unfortunately have training.” Katie pouts as she hugs me.

“Oh! Before I forget. I brought you an apple and chocolate muffin.” I pull the baked good from my bag and hand it to her.

“Fuuuck yees! You are literally the best person ever. I need to know your recipe so bad.”

“Mmmm maybe I could teach you how to make them. Tonight, at the café?”

“I’VE BEEN ASKING FOR THAT RECIPE FOR 3 FUCKING YEARS AND YOU’RE GOING TO JUST HAND IT OVER TO HER?” Juniper’s outburst makes the room erupt in giggles.

“How about for your birthday?” She nods solemnly and begins to say goodbye to the other girls as they begin to head out to the pitch for training.

I turn back to Katie.

“I’ll see you tonight…” She leans up and kisses me one more time.

“Girlfriend.” She leaves before I can reply, and I’m left to giggle as Juniper drives us back to the café, to reluctantly reopen for the rest of the day.

~~~~~

The clock shows 6:13 and I begin to think Katie flaked, but right as I’m packing up the ingredients, the bell rings and in rushes a flushed, panting, Katie McCabe.

“I’m so… sorry! Caitlin could only… drop me… a few blocks away… so I had to… run.” She pants out.

“It’s ok.” I peck her on the cheek and take her coat, then offer her some water which she sculls down.

We spend hours baking and messing around. Mostly kissing.

~~~~~

Another 6 months pass before Katie and I decide to move in together in a small apartment down the street from the café.

She now helps me bake my apple and chocolate muffins once a week, insisting she has to always be in a simple cropped singlet after I had made a comment about how good her arms looked when she mixes the batter.

There was something so domestic about baking together that made it hard not to just scream to the world how much I loved the woman. Instead, I stick to wrapping my arms around her waist and whispering it in her ear, periodically kissing her while she cuts the apples or mixes whatever needs mixing.

I can’t wait to tell Ms Nelson her apple and chocolate muffins brought me the most beautiful girl in the world. She and her wife have been begging for a new post card.

[aechii]

getting into a fight with jude then you break up w him , then months later he sees you at a party n still wants you back 🙏🏽🙏🏽

₍₍ SiX FEET UNDER ₎⁠₎

PAiRiNG ?! toxic!ex!jude x exgf!reader

GENRE ?! angst

C/W ?! she/her pronouns used, unhealthy relationship, something about writing toxic!jude that has me brainrotting, reader knows her worth, profanity, a small cameo of playboy!trent, drinking (sip responsibly ppl)

A/N ?! i love love love writing toxic!jude, fight me. other than that, plz do enjoy because for once in a while, im liking what i've written <3 [next fic will be a trent one, dwdw]

~°~

"you're not fucking getting me, jude!"

the heat she felt is all encompassing, red, burning fury for a man— boy, who timelessly strung her along with reins of faded promises and stagnant affection. a piling mountain of 'what could i have done better?' weighed like rocks and bricks, yet if her mother were here, she would've looked on with absent surprise.

she had warned her daughter, begged her even, that men— boys like jude had their words proclaimed as if in the finality of red ink, but their minds basked in a bath of sinful infidelity.

but [y/n] craved love. a feeling she had never encountered fully as it was more of a come and go, never marinating into her flesh and heart. but jude— god, jude, with his heightened charisma and intoxicating smile, had promised to love her from sunrise to sunset, from dusk till dawn.

yet, if those words held any truth, then they wouldn't have stood there, in an air of edged demise.

"listen," jude looked completely uncaring, dragging a hand down his face, "if you can't fucking tell, i'm trying, yeah? and it's not everyday i'm gonna be available."

"i never said i wanted you here everyday, jude," [y/n] cried, frustrated. her bones felt heavy, yet it was the hurt in her chest that blinded every sense of her's.

jude threw his arms in the air, scoffing, "then what the hell d'you want, [y/n]?" his voice resonated with exasperation.

"for you to be 100%, jude, it's not that hard! and if you can't handle a relationship— an exclusive relationship, then don't waste my time!"

they were tipping over at the edge of the cliff, and their fall was inevitable. frankly speaking, [y/n] should've known that their whole... involvement with each other was just a sprint to this foreshadowed end. it started off rocky, and no matter how insistent the red lights were, her eyes were glazed with blatant ignorance.

jude's presence then was like a toxin, accumulating in her muscles and causing every inch of movement to release pain. she needed to leave, with not a turn of her head back, and put jude in her first and only failed attempt of what could've been a blissful experience.

"you know what? i'm done— i can't stand here looking stupid for a boy who doesn't love me the same way," she scoffed, turning on her heel to climb the stairs.

she wished she hadn't had heard it. maybe it would've made her departure easier, that jude, truthfully, cared about her and just had the pieces of his mind misplaced and skewed. that maybe all they needed was space and time to seek and mend before they could try again.

but what she got was like a slap to the face, and the sickening truth that jude was never hers. and never wanted to be hers.

"since you can't understand where i'm coming from for shit, by all means, [y/n], leave."

+_-

the party had been, literally, timeless for jude. he hadn't known for how long he swirled the red cup of [spiked] punch pressed into his hand as he leaned against the door frame and observed the busy bodies that made him stick out like a sore thumb.

it had been months, 3 months, as jude'd been counting, since [y/n] bode her adieu to their relationship, or rather, whatever remnant of it remained. he felt like a disassociated body, existing for the mere fact that he had to, not because he wanted to, and part of him wanted to believe that it was all part of the 'life' experience.

it wasn't.

denial was a vile thing, and everyday, he woke up thinking that their end was her fault, and not his. that whatever they had was a lesson among others, and that he had to move on and find someone else that he could attach his data to.

but he knew, knew that [y/n] was a person that appeared like a blue moon, and soon enough, he found himself lost like a needle in a haystack and regretting. had no one but himself to blame, even his damn brother told him so.

his appearance externally, to those who didn't know what revved inside him, was a continuous ebb and flow from one party to another. whatever he had to do to make him forget was his priority, and if he had to get mind-numbingly drunk to do so, then it was welcomed to be his guest.

it was his 3rd one of the week, by approximation. more or less, he didn't care, nor did he want to know, because recklessness was what seemed more comfortable than guilt and shame, and he was so sure that his body was more alcohol than water. counted his lucky stars that it was the end of the season and so he could do whatever his heart urged him to do. his heart, keyword there.

his darkened mood seemed to have seeped into the room because after hours of remaining stagnant doing nothing, trent walked up to him, identical solo cup in one hand and the other weighing on his shoulder with concern.

"guilt is eating you up, eh?" trent chided, although not as cheerily as expected. jude grunted and took another sip as he huffed out a flippant, "shut up," that had trent throwing his hands up, as best as he could, in defence.

"look- i've been there, done that."

jude looked at him suspiciously, "you've had flings, trent."

"yeah," he shrugged, mellow yet firm, "to forget about her."

"never knew that," jude said with an air of surprise. trent wasn't necessarily the best person to come to in terms of... serious romance, per se.

just as trent went to retort, jude's eyes cast around the room, and zeroed entirely on one hovering figure, meddled with a group of more girls who looked far too merry compared to the one that caused jude's tunneled vision, and before he could stop himself, his mouth punched out a, "fuck."

trent caught whiff of jude's exasperated and frozen countenance, "what?"

it took a whole body and more for jude to respond, "she's here."

then trent's head whizzed around, seeking for the girl whose scarce presence had his friend in complete misery and his line of sight paralleled jude's, "i... did not know she was coming."

"me too," jude said automatically, and as if they had a mind of their own, his feet began to move. trent noticed immediately, and a tough grip wrenched around jude's bicep, "where do you think you're going?"

"to talk to her?" enunciated as if it were a question, but there was an undercurrent of certainty that made trent want to slap jude for his sheer stupidity.

"and do what? beg for her forgiveness as if you did not walk her out your home hand in hand?"

jude scowled at trent's bluntness, "it wasn't like that."

"well it fucking seemed like it," trent chastised.

jude was completely deaf to trent's words by then, as the second she was left alone by the bar, he had an aim. an aim to get her back by the end of the night, and if he didn't, he wouldn't walk out there with all pieces of him intact.

did he need her? yes. and it may have taken him too long to realise, but jude didn't care. it was all part of the 'life' experience.

he managed to slip out of trent's vice grip (who, at that point, had given up drilling pleads into jude. he had to plummet back to reality, one way or another), and by auto-pilot, walk towards [y/n] who has too busy ordering another round of shots to even notice his arrival until his words punctured the air, "hey."

[y/n] spun around. rapidly and in complete shock as her eyes were blown wide. she had wanted to utter everything and nothing at all, but her mouth seemed to malfunction, to both her dismay and relief, so she resolved to a questioning jut of her head forward.

jude nervously scratched the back of his neck, "i uh- how have you been?"

she thought for a few seconds then shook her head conclusively, "as best as i could be, jude."

it may have not been intentional- matter of fact, who had jude been kidding? it was intentional, the icy tinge in her tone and closed off-ness as she settled her stance and crossed her arms. a blank space, gaping and hollow, was left in silence as jude tried to find words to say.

"i'm sorry."

[y/n] looked at him incredulously, "you're sorry?"

jude nodded.

and then she laughed. jude would've blamed it on drunkeness if it hadn't been for the obvious, mocking sarcasm as she stopped and looked at him just as quickly as she started.

"you're funny jude, very funny," she chuckled, turning around to slide a shot glass from the counter, raising it in gratitude to the bartender who gave her a nod back, before patting jude's arm to walk away.

he was delirious by then. in absolute confusion, wondering what he had done to seem so... ridiculous to [y/n]. he had apologised, hadn't he? made sure to make it as geniune as he mouth could mold it and that was enough. it had to be.

he spluttered, reaching out to stop her by her wrist, but, as if his touch were hot, she slapped him away, "don't you fucking touch me, jude."

"i said i'm sorry-"

"and you think that's enough? to do what, jude? get me back?"

he nodded and she laughed again, chesty and completely deprecating.

"you know, let me give you advice jude," her expression submerged jude 6 feet under, it felt like it, "don't date. you're completely shit at it."

jude was definitely 6 feet under.

[inbabylontheywept]

The Mormon Heretic, and the Leviathan

I have decided to make an explanation of how a Mormon heretic gave me the idea for my short story, Leviathan. It is very long explanation, mostly focused on the fascinating theology the heretic created on accident. The explanation of how it led to the story will only be at the end. You have been warned.

So, a short explanation of the heretic: He was a seminary teacher of mine that had deep dived into theology and Jungian analysis and the views that he'd come out with were just... fascinating. He didn't really consider this stuff heresy, because he didn't think it wasn't directly disagreeing with normal doctrine, just adding stuff into the margins. I think that his definition of Godhood and the nature of God was so alien that it was essentially an entirely new religion wearing the same terminology as the old one like a skinsuit. Calling it Christian would be stretching the word to the point of meaninglessness. And without further adieu, his beliefs: He was big on the idea that Jesus/God and GOD/Elohim were separate entities. He based this on the fact that Elohim refers to a plurality, while there are later words for God that are purely singular. He'd envisioned this sort of weird cycle where the God Cluster (Or Big God, or Elohim, or the Monad, he used a lot of terms for it) is this sort of outside-of-time entity that encompasses everything in an unconstrained sense. To exist in this way is to be incomprehensibly lonely, because there is literally nothing in the world but you. So it would, occasionally, go mad and cut out a temporary pocket of reality where it could not go. Sort of the "God creating a rock so heavy that It could not lift it" moment. This God-Cluster would then manifest a sort of physical reflection of itself in these constrained spheres, a self-that-was-not-the-self. That physical unself would go through apotheosis as a rite of passage, to create something different enough from the Monad that it would temporarily alleviate the isolation of being everything. So the God that there was with Eve and Adam was basically just a fetus-demiurge, and the reason that paradise failed was because it was still learning how to not suck at being a God. That was Lesson 1. Lesson 2 was the flood, which was really important because it was, according to Heretic Teacher, the first time that God felt shame. It had not blamed itself for the loss of Eden, it had blamed us, but this time it knew that it had overreacted. After Lesson 2, it spent a couple thousand years mulling over why it kept failing to predict humans and decided to try being one. That was Lesson 3, and the experience went so unbelievably badly that it decided it wasn't going to keep micromanaging us until it got its own shit together. It also gave it quite a bit more sympathy for us in our condition, and basically promised us that it was going to be nice to us, and to please be nicer to each other. This whole little thing relates to the prompt because, in his eyes, the grand cycle of existence seems to be based around the higher powers creating separations within themselves to avoid loneliness, with the goal of each split to be finding a way to reform into the big thing again, thesis-anthesis-synthesis style. We were mini-runs of the demiurge, who was using us to try and understand Itself, and It was in turn a mini-run of the monad, who was using it to try and understand itself and also as a way to pretend that it is two things, because being the only thing is very lonely. In this context, I made the Leviathan as the singular state, and humans as the sort of temporary split within it. That's why it eats people. We were always part of it. We were just a weird embarrassing stage in its life cycle.

As for why the flood is a recurring motif, that teacher talked a lot about the flood. He was fascinated with it, considered it the primary sin of God against man, and in turn, a sin by God against Itself. That one day, as we progressed back to unity with mini-God, all of our pain would become Its pain, and that as it progressed back to unity with the Monad, our pain would because its pain, and that in this way, even the Gods would be held accountable for forcing us to deal with some amateur hour schmuck of a deity for the first several thousand years of our existence. The universe is just a lonely god trapped in a room, arguing with a sock puppet, and occasionally getting so heated that it punches the sock puppet into the wall and hurts itself.

I don't even know how he came up with this number, but he'd estimated that something like a trillion people died in the first flood, which was comparable to how many people had died since. Even as a teenager, I had this weird realization that the synthesized proto-monad of our world was going to be comprised mainly of drowned, which was unsettling. Our world was the world of the drowned God.

I could write more about the weirdness of this guy. He was fucking fascinating, both because of his beliefs, and also because he genuinely viewed himself as a normal Mormon. But this is how that guy accidentally helped me write cosmic horror. By truly and genuinely believing in one.

[lewmagoo]

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ringing in the new year ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

here’s to 2022

what a year it’s been. among everything that has taken place, one of the best decisions i made was creating this blog. in my 13+ years in fandom and different writing communities, none of them have ever been as warm or welcoming as this one. the response my writing has gotten has been overwhelming in the best way. many of you are so quick to leave comments and words of encouragement and it means more than you could ever know.

as a thank you for all the love and support, i wanted to highlight some of my favorite fics of the year. this is by no means an extensive list, and i'm sure i will miss some, because there's no way i could highlight every single great story i've read. there are too many fantastic writers in this community for me to do so.

without further adieu:

leah's 2022 library

robert floyd fics

my love, forever collection by @robertcallsignbobfloyd - this series is heart wrenching and beautiful. i find myself thinking about it again from time to time and wishing i could read it from the beginning all over again and experience all the emotions it made me feel for the first time. truly a masterpiece.

navy boy, country girl by @clints-lucky-arrow - this fic turned my world upside down, let me tell you. i love the idea of bob as a cowboy. and the line "But I hear that you’ve become quite the cowgirl. So, do what you do best, darlin’. Ride." quite literally sent me into another plane of existence. such a sexy story. delicious, really.

weather the storm by @wildbornsiren - this is such a sweet story. heartbreaking in the best way. this line: He nods, and you can feel the wet spot on your shirt from his tears. “You’re a safe place.” truly touched me deep within my soul. just a wonderful piece of writing, truly.

morning after by @mothdruid - this one is just too good. little bit of humor sprinkled throughout. also, great proponent of the #bobfucks agenda. i had such a good time reading this, and often find myself rereading it.

no shame by @beachbabey - i really have no words. just, bob with a mommy kink. what more could you ask for? gosh it's just such a fun read, and the way he's just so subby and sweet the whole time? i could die

the phone call by @sebsxphia - the anguish in this story is just so heart wrenching. it's short and to the point but manages to make you feel so many emotions at once while reading it. such a good, angsty read

rhett abbott fics

the trouble with books by @hederasgarden - god this is just so HOT. got me all flustered and warm under the collar. it never gets old, even after i've read it multiple times. i can't even describe how much i loved every minute of it (as well as part 2), you just have to read it for yourself and see.

stand by your man by @a-reader-and-a-writer - so, so good. such a great depiction of hurt/comfort. also does a great job of showcasing rhett's stubbornness. i reread this from time to time and always enjoy myself.

horsemanship by @bradshawsbitch - one of my all time favorite rhett fics! i love, love, love the idea of rhett owning a stubborn mare who only likes him and no one else. god it just makes my heart sing. i will forever adore the idea that he is soft with animals. anyway, this entire story was just such a wonderful read.

please by @h0neyfire - this is just delicious. i enjoyed every minute. just the thought of breaking rhett down and getting him all needy and desperate and pliant for you? fuck, i need to lie down.

bradley bradshaw fics

running series by @lcahwriter - this series will forever be one of my favorites. the way trauma is portrayed in this story is so gripping. sometimes, stories like this can sometimes be over dramatic or sensationalized, but this story is none of those things. very tastefully done. the moment i read the first part i was hooked.

skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight by @gretagerwigsmuse - if i were to truly say how this fic made me feel, it would just be a bunch of unintelligible keyboard smashing, because holy shit. it's so damn sexy. one of those stories you can't stop thinking about long after you've read it.

the better man by @bradshawsbaby - i really loved the way the tables were turned in this story. usually it's bradley defending the reader from some asshole's unwanted attention, but this showcased what might take place if it were the other way around and bradley's girl was defending him. such an enjoyable piece, i had such a good time reading it.

idle time by @hangmanbrainrot - the angst in this story just touches something deep within my soul. such a great depiction of bradley's struggles while he has time off. it was something so relatable and personal to me.

jake seresin fics

i and love and you by @halfway-happyyy - this one hurt so good. the way hurt and betrayal is portrayed in this is so emotionally stirring. this story fully made me cry as i was reading it. so worth the read.

who did this to you? by @justfandomwritings - this is probably one of my favorite stories born out of the who did this to you? trope. the situation is portrayed so well. it's not over the top either. very well done.

fair game by @sunlightmurdock - when i tell you this one knocked me the fuck out!!! my jaw dropped. SO good. if you love drama you will LOVE this. jake is such a bitch and it's wonderful.

if devotion is a river (then i'm floating away) by @seasonsbloom - i'm at a bit of a loss for words with this one. it is truly breathtaking. every time i read it, it's like i'm reading it for the first time all over again. it's like reading poetry. absolutely wonderful.

there are so many more i could mention, but this post would never end if i did so, so i'll keep it brief. thank you all for your contributions. such talented, talented people.

extra shoutout to my lovely mutuals 🥰

@withahappyrefrain @wildbornsiren @rhettabbotts @roosterforme @roostache @robertcallsignbobfloyd @rooster-bradshaw @thesluttyarchivist @theharddeck @topguncortez @top-gun-rooster @imjess-themess @sebsxphia @sunlightmurdock @shouldershimmycity @floyd-luvr @gretagerwigsmuse @glodessa @halfway-happyyy @hangmanapologist @hausofobsession @hangmanbrainrot @lcahwriter @victoriapedrcttis @bobfloydsbabe @bussyslayer333 @bebetriste @notyoursbutlewis @notroosterbradshaw @mothdruid @mayhem24-7forever @milesmillergf ✨

[kitkatyes]

Whumptober 2023 Masterlist!

Yippie! (I've gone mildly insane) Anyway, I thought I might as well go through and link all my fics for whumptober in one post so see below for all those goodies

I've quite literally linked every single fic I wrote over the course of the month in here as well as their descriptions so this is a long post (I think I kinda broke Tumblr when writing this out so oops-) Just make sure you heed the tags on ao3 when you're reading- some things get a little graphic and all that jazz

But if you wanna go through the list without all my nonsense, then you can take a look at the series link below:

Without further adieu, lets begin!

Operation: Jest

There's a note on Phoenix's desk… "Meet me in my office at 14:00! Please don't set anything on fire while you're waiting… - Your Handler"

They really hoped they weren't in trouble

Prompt: Safety Net

Keep it Cool

The mission had gone mostly to plan. Phoenix was still in one piece, all they had to do now was make it back to Agency headquarters

Prompt: Thermometer

Operation: Settling Dust

All good EOD agents should know that if their mission is going exactly to plan, there's something up Phoenix really should have listened to their gut

Prompt: Debris - Start of a miniseries

Search and Rescue

"Their eyes slid shut as someone wearing a familiar uniform appeared in front of them." Mason could only watch his monitor in horror as a Zoraxis operative dragged his Agent out of the rubble

Prompt: Recording but it can also be seen as made to watch- This one is also a continuation of the previous day

Come and Go Out My Mind

Paid time off is very hard to come by at the Agency. Sure, Phoenix has had plenty of medical leave but having time to spend with themself was practically unheard of. Let's just hope they'll get to enjoy it.

Prompt: Alleyway - Part of a twoshot

So the Blade Pierces Through Me

“Hey, bossman,” The agent began, “I’m gonna take them to the hospital– the Agency’s too far away.” Phoenix fades into consciousness

Prompt: Overcrowded ER - This one is a continuation of day 6 (Search and Rescue)

Thirty-Two

Phoenix smiled sombrely as they disconnected the generator from the elevator, ignoring their Handler's pleas. Their stomach dropped as the elevator fell.

Prompt: Mistaken identity

Lost Without You

It was a routine mission: Get in, get the files, get out. With their luck, it decidedly wasn't.

Prompt: Standard - Start of another miniseries

Loose Stones

"The blearing of an alarm broke through their thoughts, jerking at the sudden noise. Looks like they didn’t have the time to think things through. Phoenix ran."

Prompt: Animal trap - Also a continuation of the prior day

Operation: Losing Sleep

Phoenix scribbled crude stick figures in the back of their notebook as they shifted uncomfortably in their seat for the 15th time that hour. Occasionally, they looked up at the small door they were tasked with surveying. God, stakeout suck

Prompt: "I'm up, I'm up!"

Steady-

Phoenix’s mouth opened in a silent scream as tears pricked the edges of their vision. The three above them conversed, the words seemingly foreign to the Agent. A hard boot kicked at them as they were lulled into a fitful state of unconsciousness.

Prompt: Feaver - Also a continuation of day 11 (Loose Stones)

Operation: With The Fishes

Great! Phoenix gets the pleasure of infiltrating a fishing boat. They can already smell the fish

Prompt: Flare

Assumptions

So what if Phoenix gets hurt during a mission? They'd be fine, they always were

Prompt: "I'm fine"

Code: Red

Phoenix smiled as they knocked at the door of their Handler's office, eagerly awaiting his somewhat sullen response. Listen, they were bored.

Prompt: "Don't go where I can't follow"

Trust..?

Phoenix felt tense, listening to the constant 'tick, tock' of the clock. They couldn't help but keep surveying the room as their fingers ran across the bandages that circled their neck.

Prompt: Touch aversion - Also a continuation of day 7 (Come and Go Out My Mind)

Decline

Artificial wind rushed past them as they felt their stomach drop, arms flailing uselessly at their sides. Through lidded eyes, Phoenix noted the shocked expression of their Handler before they landed with a loud ‘crunch’.

Alternate prompt: Aftermath of failure - continuation of day 16 (Code: Red)

Keeping You Company

The constant beep of a heart monitor echoed throughout the room. Mason found himself in the doorframe, a bundle of flowers in his arms.

Prompt: Floral bouquet

Lights Out

They were in an oddly-shaped elevator- it felt familiar. They couldn't do anything as they felt the cables snap under some unseen force, plummeting Phoenix woke up in a cold sweat

Prompt: Blanket

Rue

Mason nervously adjusted his tie as he paced the hospital's waiting room. He knew, logically, Phoenix would be okay, but he needed to see it himself.

Prompt: "Don't move" - Also a continuation of day 8 (So the Blade Pierces Through Me)

Fragmentary

Phoenix thumbed the makeshift license in their hands, eyeing the Agency-issued car. Well, they just hoped it wouldn't explode- but they didn't exactly have the best track record

Prompt: Vehicular accident - be mindful of ieytd 3 spoilers

Stalkers Tango

Phoenix hummed to themself as they bustled around their kitchen, cleaning up the mess they'd made while cooking. They got to work cleaning the dishes

Prompt: Stalking

Doing Everything so Manically

With nimble hands, they grabbed their keycard before leaving the room. If they were quick, they’d be able to escape before anyone realised anything was wrong. Let's just hope their luck won’t run out now.

Alternate prompt: Miscommunication - Continuation of day 13 (Steady-)

Still Standing in the Rain

Phoenix smiled to themself as they looked out the window, eying the bleak grey of the clouds. If they were lucky, it'd start to rain soon.

Prompt: Storm

Set the Stage Aglow

Phoenix usually loves long-term undercover missions but every now and again, it really drains them. They find themself sitting on the edge of a stage.

Prompt: Seeing double

Ember

Phoenix ran their fingers along the edge of the briefcase, occasionally flicking one of the latches. The nuclear codes were safe- they'd get it to the Agency in one piece

Prompt: Matches

Split Decision

Phoenix finally has a day off after God knows how long. They just want to watch a movie

Prompt: "You'll have to go through me"

Take it Back to the Start

Phoenix visits the place where they grew up

Prompt: Troubled past resurfacing

Split the World in Two

Following the events of project [REDACTED]

Prompt: Bridal carry - be wary of ieytd 3 spoilers and the start of a twoshot

Before I Burn Out

Phoenix needs to really stop waking up in places they don't recognise- Now that they think about it, why does their head hurt so much?

Prompt: "Take it easy" - continuation of the day before and some minor ieytd 3 spoilers

[emawinslow]

hello team I had a Very fun time exploring campus today let me tell you about my adventures.

so I went back to the same place i was on saturday night to check it out in the daylight and I did Not go down the hallway I saw the person in, instead I went down the stairs. one direction led to a locked door and the other led outside (found the alleged emergency exit). and when you kept going down the exit stairs it eventually spit you out at this covered path that leads to a loading dock area

towards the end of the covered path I found this barrel filled with I don't even know what. like what the fuck Is this

i just moved on. at the actual loading dock there were some locked doors that led inside to places I knew. but I was more enticed by these double doors that had like gigantic stop signs and red signs that were like "you need to keep these doors LOCKED do NOT come in here" so I tried them and they were unlocked so I went in. obviously. and it just led to mostly non perishable food storage and some cutlery for the building and where they make the coffee and keep the ice and stuff. I walked through that whole area and went through a door that spit me back out in the main building. but in the storage room there was a creepy stairwell that I wanted to go in so I looped all the way back around to the mysterious barrel from the Outside this time. (and side note there was no signage or indication that I wasn't allowed to be there so I'm sure people accidentally wander into that hallway I saw the person in on tuesday literally all the fucking time so if I ever go back and get caught I can play dumb). but I went back to the storage room and to the stairwell

which was creepy as hell. it actually only went up but I forgot to take a pic at the bottom. those stairs are well loved. up one floor was a pretty standard commercial kitchen that I did a brief walk through (thank god it was the weekend) and up another floor was another commercial kitchen. I wandered through that one aimlessly and next thing I knew I was standing behind the counter at the lil sandwich place on campus like uhhhhh. and if it wasn't the weekend I wouldn't have gotten that far but like uhm. I went through some random back door and slipped away into a lounge area then out those doors!

and there's another building on campus (the oldest one) that's always locked on the weekends But the play is happening in there (I actually talked to two of the guys that were in it on their way out lol) so it was unlocked and I slipped past the green room into the main part of the building and I was home free! I climbed up these fire stairs I was always curious about but they were a dead end and if you saw my post from earlier you know I was Sweating man. for NOTHING. I made my way down then took an elevator up to an Actual floor and took another stairwell all the way to the top to an office I thought surely would be locked but it wasn't. this is where I spent like two hours looking at all the shit on the shelves. and found six bins of condoms. and a pair of giant ceremonial scissors

which was awesome. it was getting late so I bid the office adieu but I got distracted by Another way to a different part of the top floor and I found this like. it's called something really specific but I don't remember it but it's a room where the walls and some of the ceiling are windows and it's surrounded by trees and it's beautiful. but the door was locked and let me tell you I tried for a while to no avail to find a way to get in that room by making one of those hook grabber things to turn the handle on the other side. but after a while gave up and came home and here I am. what a day!

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

as many ttpd thoughts as i can coherently write down

first of all grateful for the folklore x midnights x 1989/rep sound we have going on here. i hate comparing artists but seriously the best way i can explain it is phoebe bridgers this album sounds like phoebe bridgers. not like it's a bad thing it's phoebe fucking bridgers!!!

i feel like it's so easy to call music "intimate," whether because of lyrics that feel personal or just a certain raw sound, or whatever else, but this album truly is the most intimate thing i think taylor's ever given us. i don't know what sets it apart, cuz at this point she's written plenty of deeply personal lyrics, but the way i best know how to describe it is that it truly feels like she trusts us.

anyway i'm willing to admit that this album isn't a spectacle or a revolution or game changer, and i know it won't satisfy everyone (ngl i'm scared to see what everyone else is saying bc they'll never understand Like I Do) but damn it sometimes that much is more than enough. without further adieu

fortnight a solid vibe. i'd literally love any song with the lyric "i love you it's ruining my life"

ttpd love that lucy and jack cameo that's about it. but really who else is gonna hold you

mbobhft AUGGGHHH THAT HOOK. you'd think you'd be able to tell which tracks are entirely self-written but you'd never guess some of the best tracks would you? jokes on me. love the metaphor (as i tend to do), big fan of infantilizing men (no like actually)

down bad this song was not clicking at first but it won me over with the alien abduction theme

so long london aw fuck yeah i knew i was right to claim this one. that hook is delectable. every verse is like a juicy kiss on the mouth i love this song yOU SWORE THAT YOU LOVED ME BUT WHERE WERE THE CLU

but daddy i love him this was the point where i thought to myself "wow this album is a lot more romantic than i would've thought" which, in hindsight, idk if that can be the consensus but still--this is such a feel good happy lovely time

fresh out the slammer evermore would love this one. yee haw

florida i mean there was really no way for this song to be bad and damn. twas not. this is a screamer fs. how on earth they managed to make a song about fucking florida feel like this mysterious shady world that we the people are not apart of is astounding to me

guilty as sin yas girl let your freak flag fly!!! successor to false god fr

who's afraid of little old me oh. o,h my god. taylor. taylor r u good honey. this song is fucking batshit wild oh my god YES GIRL TELL EM i will never be the same i could end the california drought with these tear ducks holy shit im gonna go set something on fire

i can fix him i love this bc this is literally my best friend and now they're gonna know how they look. that "woah maybe i can't" both absolutely slaps and is hilarious. also love how horny that bridge was yas girl let your freak flag fly!!

loml oh god. lmao my ass rlly thought this album wasn't gonna be too depressing. they had me in the first half ngl. i'm not crying you're crying nahhh we're both crying and you know it. the lyrics here really popped off, like more than the rest of the album and that's saying something. bonus i remember seeing someone theorize that it was actually gonna be "loss of my life" instead of love, and while i was listening i had that in the back of my mind, but then i was like "ok no it's actually love" but then THEY WERE RIGHT and i felt so accomplished for no good reason. so if ur that person who called it, good job brother

i can do it with a broken heart this one shocks me so good oml why is this making me wanna throw it back. with all do respect if you didn't want us to enjoy your suffering why did you make your suffering such a bop. /j that "i'm miserable and nobody knows!! :D" gives me chills but like in a good way. "try and come for my job" literally get it queen i love you

smallest man who ever lived it's quite funny to me that literally nobody was claiming this track and then it permanently altered my brain chemistry. back at it with the hooks damn. wow this one really. this one is really sticking with me guys

the alchemy yay the vibes are back!!!! sweet simple romance you gotta love it

clara bow you had me at that intro. shove that guitar down my throat if u will. this is the better version of the lucky one (im not sorry.) damn "you look like Taylor Swift in this light" gets me every time i'm sorry that will never not hit

the black dog OLD HABITS DIE SCREAAAAAMMMIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i did not expect to like this one as much as i do but i can't stop thinking about it

imgonnagetyouback i had really mixed feelings but i literally can't dislike this song it's straight up good (also this song is so gorgeous-coded its wild)

the albatross idk i just love this one it is so sweet to me. in the way molasses is sweet but still

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus this melody has wriggled its way into the few folds of my brain and i don't see it leaving soon. i love me some good whimsy. fr as i'm listening to it again rn i'm realizing how good this production is. anyways bi rights

how did it end? you know................... i was really trying to not tie her real life into any of these songs, since i really don't know that much lore + i'm not a big fan of obsessing over celebrities personal lives--relationships most of all (especially when it comes to taylor)--in general, but damn i immediately did just that with this song and.. wow. but aside from all of that oh my god welcome back to Songs On This Album That Absolutely Haunt Me

so high school this one's kinda crazy bc damn it's such a taylor swift song but the sound is so new to her and it kind of makes me cry. but anyhow "touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" is the funniest fucking line i have ever heard in my life

i hate it here oh wow hahhahahhahahahha taylor what the fuck :3 imagine relating to this song on an cosmic level lmfaooooo

thank you aimee removing from irl context, putting this song next to mean genuinely makes me want to cry. like the maturity and growth both happy and sad is so evident it's like watching my child graduate

i look in people's windows another stellar string hook thank you and goodbye. ok but fr the visual here is inherently funny

the prophecy claiming this one for the neurodivergents

cassandra yeah yeah drama i know but damnnnn greek mythology BANGER

peter *taking notes* never... trust.. a man.. named..... peter.........

the bolter she's a runner she's a track star (can you tell i've run out of things to say it's just a good fucking album)

robin ohohoho i am an absolute SLUT for a good ode to childhood

the manuscript now that's a story

and at last--my current rankings:

who's afraid of little old me?

so long, london

how did it end?

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

the smallest man who ever lived

florida!!!

clara bow

the alchemy

loml

i can do it with a broken heart

the albatross

my boy only breaks his favorite toys

i look in people's windows

cassandra

fortnight

i hate it here

the black dog

but daddy i love him

thanK you aIMee

the bolter

guilty as sin?

robin

i can fix him (no really i can)

the prophecy

peter

the manuscript

so high school

fresh out the slammer

the tortured poets department

imgonnagetyouback

down bad

now i know being critical is not one of my specialties but seriously it's a solid album ok. midnights is literally my baby and it has a skip for me so

now naturally my enthusiasm for each song will potentially decrease and most certainly increase over time cuz that's how i process albums buttttttt yuh 👍

almost any other artist building an entire persona about being an emo poet would make me roll my eyes but damn it she's so right

[shipswithoutcaptains]

Thanks @renegadedoughnut for tagging me. On FB I never participate in chain posts etc., it feels more like spam... But around here, it feels more like an honor :))) Also, these are much more fun...

Rules: Spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters.

Schwarz - Rammstein (heard that one too many times these days not to start with it)

Hold On - All Good Things

Ich Hasse Kinder - Lindemann (LOL what else! ~The days without stucking a wire into some unfortunate kid: 0 😈🤣🤣🤣 )

Promise - Chris Cornell (breaks my heart for so many reasons everytime shuffle-god deems the day worthy of it...)

Schwarz Tot Gold - Lord Of The Lost (literally the only song I know from this artist and it lived stuck for days in my head thanks to Tumblr. LOL)

Whorehouse Blues - Mottorhead (no comment. Lemmy...)

Invincible - Skillet (kinda miss those days I used to sing and feel that...)

Turbulence - Pink ( Pink 💗💗💗)

Heart of Twilight - Edguy (too bad The headless game has the *the*)

Ohne Dich - Rammstein (sorry I know I have them here already, but they have been my most fav band last few months and Ohne Dich live, on the small podium, Till with the collar.... that like lives in my head permanently and ... like that is a unique and very complex feeling on it's own, thank you)

*where tf is my wine* ... and also who TF came up with this longass name ffs! Sorry for the long text post...

Under the Violet Moon - Blackmore's night (there! Beautiful fairy queen from fairytales, that's what this list was missing :)))

This Is War - Nickelback (go to fight-song, Nickelback rock, change my mind :-p)

Call of the Mountains - Eluveitie (mountains 💚💙)

Auslander - Rammstein - 🙊🙈🤷 I have to.... That's the song that makes me dance while riding a motorbike. Everytime. And the only two other I can think of rn are Adieu und Adios, so... LOL

Party in My Head - Pain (OK, I do head-bang to this one while on bike, that's true.... I think I might scare the other drivers sometimes... LOL)

Time Of Dying - Three Days Grace (well, Three Days Grace is also one complex unique emotion...not the best, but sooo spot on sometimes)

A Little Bit Off - Five Finger Death Punch (right there with 3DG)

I Miss My Mind - Russel Crowe & The Ordinary Fear Of God (I love love love Crowe's singing and this song hits the f*cking bulls eye for me atm, so.... yup, that there!)

No Return - Avantasia (not the best song, but Ava was missing here...)

Shiny - Jonathan Young (metal covers of Disney? Great music to work out to :-)))

OK, that was fun :)

I don't wanna tag anybody I think.... I have so many letters that I could just tag everybody following me LOL And I only feel comfortable tagging one person, but also don't wanna piss off that one person.... 😜😂😂😂

... buuuut ..... @anwiel13? I want somebody to mention Feeling B songs, pls? Next drinks on me??? ;p

[tootkin-goblin]

The worst/funniest part is that we don't even say adieu in french anymore, in most of france. Adieu is not a casual "goodbye", it's a last farewell! It literally means "to god" as in, "I recommend you to god", it has not been used as a casual goodbye in a looooooong while. You only say that to people you won't see again in long time, if at all.

Also shout-out to the Swedes for just borrowing the French "adieu" into their vocabulary and just spelling it "adjö"

[themiracleofteddybearmanifestos]

Spoilers for Heaven Official's Blessing/TGCF

I've finished reading TGCF in record time (for me) and now idk what to do cause it was my hyperfixation and now that I'm done I'm depressed.

Anyways all that aside, since it's literally permeated my brain to the point it's rotting, any song I hear makes me think of it and here are my top few recent ones that I really love

Without further adieu, Songs That Remind Me of Heaven Official's Blessing:

1) Everything In You - HalfShy, Adventure Time. Lyrics:

You and me We got something to lose Boy, you got your dreams I got everything in you And I'll be there through all the reveries 'Cause I believe in you more than I ever believed in me Ooh, and I love you, love you, love you No, it's not so hard to tell And I love you, love you, love you Is it obvious to everyone else?

And maybe this is killing part of me But it ain't called love without a little tragedy

Explanation: Pretty straightforward, it's Hua Cheng's perspective. He's dedicated to the max. Though the intention here differs from the original context of the song in AT, it still applies. The tragedy here is not stemming from their relationship, but damn these two are poster children for tragic back stories.

2) J's Lullaby - Delaney Bailey. Lyrics:

Darlin', I'd wait for you Even if you didn't ask me to Tie a lasso around the moon And bring it on down to you I'd bottle the feelin' you give me And shelve that stuff for years to come 'Cause, baby, when your arms are around me I'd swear that I'm holding the sun I'd give you the sun if you asked me You could have all of the time You could have the stars and the trees When dividin' up the universe You could have mine You could have mine Darlin', I wish that you Could give me some more time To herd the whole sky in my arms And release it when you're mine

Explanation: again, very applicable to Hua Cheng's perspective. This song is one of the most intensely dedicated and heartfelt love songs and Hua Cheng is maybe the most loyal person to ever exist (800 years and not a single negative thought about Xie Lian, never a doubt in his mind of how much he loves him or if he should give up). Seriously, this song fits SO well I feel like to explain it would be redundant.

3) Little Life, Cordelia

Explanation: So, this one for me made me think of Xie Lian and the domestic little life he has with Hua Cheng and how much that means to him. This one isn't just lyrical, it's the whole sound and feeling of the song which is why I included it instead of writing the lyrics.

4) Slipping Through My Fingers - ABBA/Meryl Streep (both versions are good). Lyrics:

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness And I have to sit down for a while The feeling that I'm losing her forever And without really entering her world I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter That funny little girl Slipping through my fingers all the time I try to capture every minute The feeling in it Slipping through my fingers all the time Do I really see what's in her mind Each time I think I'm close to knowing She keeps on growing Slipping through my fingers all the time

Explanation: This one's a lot different as this actually made me think of Xie Lian's mom. Seeing her son grow into a god and witnessing the distance grow between them. She was fully supportive and had so much love for her son, but he grew further and further away from her. This one gets me real sad, even if his mom wasn't super present in the story it's still heartbreaking.

And yeah, basically every song will remind me of the series ATM bc it's literally all that's on my mind but these 4 especially did and made me want to edit videos but I don't have that kinda time or energy or talent lmao. But the series is just.... Ughhhh it's such a beautiful story, even with any questionable moments/details, it's genuinely such a fantastically written series and GOD the love between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng is painfully beautiful. I don't love codependency but idec with these two they're both so supportive of each other and both fully want to be together at all times and you know what I also want them to be together at all times, they deserve it. I knew there was a lot of trauma since I first watched the show in 2021 and have been a fan, but actually reading all the books and learning everything is gut wrenching and heartbreaking and yet so beautiful and satisfying.

[seisho99]

wow what a great day to not infantilize mattie wheeler and acknowledge the fact that she's like. a capable human being

[callsign-marlie]

Stick Shift (18+)

pairing: robert 'bob' floyd x f!reader rating: PHEW IT'S M. DEFINITLY M. warnings: unedited. like i literally JUST finished it and posted it because it needs to be out here right now, ROOOOOOAD HEAD!!!!!, dom!reader, sub!bob, unsafe driving (including driving over the speed limit, swerving, hitting rumble strips etc), heavy petting, masturbation (f! receiving)SLOPPY oral sex (m! receiving), face fucking (PHEWWW), cursing from the reader (bob's an angel baby who doesn't :3), a little cum play? summary: Bob likes the adrenaline of driving fast nearly as much as he likes being in the air. However, his old beat up truck can only go so quick and his girlfriend wants to feel a rush. What happens when she gets her hands on his gears? author's note: #bobfucks. period, the end. also this is just like, 9 pages of straight porn. enjoy :)

--

It was adventure day with your incredible boyfriend, Bob Floyd, and he had something ‘special’ planned for you both. That was all you knew: he didn’t get into too many details, wanting to keep the event a surprise. He just told you to dress nice and to bring a jacket because it could get cold at night. 

You both had been dating for nearly 6 months and you deliberately took more time with this relationship than any of your lasts. With Bob, you felt like you were in it for the long run. There was no such thing as doing something too fast. With his southern drawl and meandering walks when he walked with you on the beach, everything with Bob just seemed to slow down. Time was infinite, and so was your patience. With his deployments and your job traveling, it was difficult to make ends meet to have physical dates. 

They were so few and far between, you hadn’t even gotten to third base yet. A shock to many, but especially to your long standing roommate, who was flabbergasted at your reservation.

A honk outside of your apartment signaled your boyfriend’s ever punctual arrival. You grabbed your keys and flung yourself out the door, slamming the storm door behind you as you skipped down the steps two at a time. You heard the creaking of your living room window opening and turned to see your roommate’s head pop out, her fist shaking in your direction.

“IF YOU DON’T BONE TONIGHT, DON’T BOTHER COMING HOME,” she screamed, eyebrows creased. A laugh fluttered from your chest as you flipped her off, skidding to a stop in front of your boyfriend’s truck. Thank god his windows were up or you would be sure to find him blushing the prettiest of pinks under his dreamy baby blues. The handle of the vehicle clicked as you slid in to take your rightful place in the passenger’s seat. 

The instant Lieutenant Robert Floyd was off duty, you certainly knew he was off duty. 

Gone were those shy, thin lipped smiles and nervous glances he so often resorted to on base. They were replaced with willowy laughs and relaxed postures, toothy grins and unstyled hair blowing in the warm California winds. Bob looked almost too good driving around in his old pick up in just jeans and a white t-shirt. Casual Bob might be your favorite version of him and you were blessed to witness the stage as often as you do. 

“Hey Robbie,” you greeted, leaning over the center console to place a quick kiss to his lips. As you were pulling away, he moved forwards to extend the connection, grinning underneath your mouth. A hand snaked to the nape of your neck to hold you in place while the other stroked your cheek, tucking a piece of stray hair behind your ear. Everything was soft, gentle… And so very Bob.

He pulled away after a beat, touching his forehead to yours. “Ah, there’s my girl! Missed you, honey. Ready for our adventure?”

You nodded enthusiastically. Your nose scrunched over the widest smile you could muster. Bob leaned back in his seat after pecking your cheek, revved the engine twice, honked his horn to bid your roommate adieu, and peeled off down your street to the Pacific Coast Highway. 

Bob was steady and careful in his role as backseater in the air. He communicated well and rarely took risks if his driver wasn’t on board with them as well. There were so many variables that could go wrong in an instant that his fear often overrode his thirst for speed. But on the road? Oh, the man had a penchant for putting the pedal to the metal. As soon as you skid off, the windows were down, Garth Brooks’ greatest hits were blasting and your boots were propped high up on the lifted console as you sang ‘Friends in Low Places’ together to the warm southern Cali sun.

The ride up the PCH was picture perfect. Light was glittering off the seas and the ochre cliffs were passing by at dizzying speeds. Bob had one hand resting on the gear shift, moving the old manual truck down the winding turns with expert precision, his other hand gripped loosely on the steering wheel. Whenever he reached a plateau of comfortable speed, his fingers found themselves along your thigh fiddling with the hem of your sundress. He would look over at you through his sunglasses, spying your whimsical gaze at the cliffs and noting the way the notes of classic country songs were spilling from your lips. 

An angel was all he could think. An angel on Earth. How in the world did she end up being mine?

“We’ve been driving for a bit now. Where we goin’, Lieutenant Flyod?”

Bob’s thought bubble popped and he was back to reality. He teasingly pinched the top of your thigh with a smirk. “Well, that’ll ruin the surprise, won’t it, darlin’?” That cool southern drawl of his curled out of his throat like it was second nature. “Besides, it ain’t gonna be a surprise if I spill the beans thirty minutes into the ride. But if you wanna know, guess I better get us there a bit faster.”

Bob suddenly cranked the old truck into fifth gear, zooming the hunk of metal through a particularly perilous section of twists. You whooped while your hand grabbed the old plastic handle above your window. It took all of your strength to keep yourself in your seat at the vaulting turns. Bob was focused on the road, his feet jamming into the clutch of the truck to keep control. The sudden surge of speed was over as soon as it started, a gust of air leaving your lungs.

The old truck reached a long expanse of highway and purred along the pavement at a steady crawl. Bob let up on the gears to give his jalopy a break. 

“Phewww, easy there, Andretti! Speed Demon Bob always scares me for a minute when he comes out of hiding!” Your heart was making leaps and bounds trying to crawl out of your rib cage.

“It surprises you?” His eyes were wide beneath his aviators. His question was genuine while he readjusted his cap on his head with his free hand. “I fly planes for a living. Aviators have to like speed a little bit if we’re going to be whippin’ up there as fast as we do.” 

“You don’t fly the planes, Natasha does. You’re just along for the ride,” you retorted back. Bob rolled his eyes.

“A technicality.”

“A truth. You’re an adrenaline junkie at the end of the day, huh, Floyd? Is that why you’re not a front seater? That careful precision would be thrown to the wind, huh?”

He nodded his head, an embarrassed grin breaking out. “I was a roller coaster nut when I was a kid. You wouldn’t have guessed it by my glasses and the overalls my mom always forced me in, though. I always just wanted to go faster and faster no matter what vehicle I was in. I remember I got my brother to fling me around on his four wheeler on a rainy day once and I loved every second. Thankfully, I reigned it in a little bit the older I got and found out that I was a better WSO than a front seater. If I was a driver, I think I’d go out in an unintentional blaze of glory.” 

“Then controlled chaos is your thing?” He nodded in confirmation. “That it is, ma’am.”

You learned more and more about Bob each and every day. There was so much hidden behind those glasses that unfurled itself like a flower every time he spoke. Each conversation with him was a surprise. Every revelation put another piece of the puzzle together, yet you were still nowhere near completing it.

“So, was that how you usually feel when you go fast up there? When you’re pulling G’s and things?” You glanced over at your man just as he shook his head in a strict no.

“Nah, it’s way scarier in the sky than on the roads, trust me on that one. It’s less of a rush and more of a ‘oh crud, don’t mess up’ feeling. There’s more to lose up there even though it’s hard to crash into something.”

“Liiiiiike?” 

Bob very rarely spoke about his time flying. It was very strictly business and ‘confidential’ in regards to his missions and training routines, but you knew he preferred to keep his work life at work and his home life at home. The only thing he would tell you was he was “always careful. Got a beauty to come home to, after all” with a charming smile. This willingness to even speak about what it was like to fly was enlightening to you.

He shifted himself in his seat, rhythmically tapping his fingers against the worn leather wheel to ‘Good Ride, Cowboy’. “Well, there’s lots of buttons to press and lots of buttons that I shouldn’t press that happen to look real interesting sometimes. Ain’t trying to lose my own life at the end of the day!” 

A giggle left the back of his throat. Even he knew his explanation sounded ridiculous. “After all, (y/n), I’m just a simple button boy: I push a thing, something goes boom and I hope to God that thing ain’t me!”

You both laughed for a quick moment before he recovered. He was having difficulty stifling himself, but urged himself just as a gust of hot wind blew under the brim of his hat. 

“In all seriousness, there’s altitudes, turbulence, wind pressures, compressor failures, engine failures, mission failures... Just— just lots of potential for failure at any given time. At least with driving, it’s just gear shift, gas pedal, brakes and blinkers. That’s pretty easy in comparison.” The truck was drifting just a little too far left in his contemplations, leaving Bob to swerve the truck back to center.

“Key word: pretty damn easy, jeez. Sorry ‘bout that, doll.”

“And that’s why Phoenix drives the planes,” you laughed, a hand patting off the top of his thigh to rest on his worn in jeans. The material was soft under your fingertips. “How in the world do I teach you a lesson in driving correctly?”

“Well, ma’am, I don’t reckon I know, but I’m willing to take any lesson you can think of.” His hand reached for the bottle of water in the center console. His adam's apple bulged up and down as he gulped the cool liquid. Your mouth went dry at the sight.

“Any lesson, Robbie?” His lips parted a fraction, a drip of water left on his chin, while your fingers squeezed the top of his strong leg. God, it was just too easy. Everything about your sweet, beautiful Robbie Floyd was too easy.

“I think I know the perfect one, Lieutenant Floyd.”

You scooted onto your side and curled into the back of the bucket seat, the spaghetti strap of your dress falling off your shoulder. “I think you need a new driver’s test to make up for that mistake, don’t you think? You’re lucky I’m a certified teacher with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. I’ll give you your lessons for free. How’s that sound?”

“O-oh fuck.” Bob was going to choke. He coughed into his elbow, that gorgeous flush running back over the crests of his cheeks. His water bottle plopped back into the center console, spinning around the drink holder before sinking itself in its correct place. “Y-Yes, ma’am. I– uh—” He swallowed thickly. 

Bob’s entire bravado went from confident to shy with just a shift in your voice. So cute. All you wanted to do was kiss his cheeks and feel the heat of his skin on your lips. Run your nails down the sides of his ribs and feel him squirm under your touch. 

“You know though, Bob, you and I are a match made in heaven. I like to learn by doing and you seem to learn better via… oral presentation, isn’t that right?”

Your grin turned Cheshire as you snaked feather-light fingertips down to his knees and back up to the hinge of his hip. “Whatever you do, keep your eyes on the road. If you wanna stop, what do you say?”

He numbly shook his head, both hands white knuckled on the wheel. “P-Pinwheel.” 

The cliffs were passing by to soft planes, the road moving to straighter lines. He wouldn’t have to worry about gear shifts for quite some time.

“Lesson one: stoplights.” You undid your seatbelt crawling over the center console. Your ass was high enough towards the open window for someone to drive up beside the old truck and get a prime time view of your panties from beneath the waving hem of your dress. Bob imagined the way the cotton clung to your pussy, curving just along the edge of your thighs. His chest jolted with a hitch as your cleavage came into his peripherals. His left leg was bouncing up and down against the floorboards.

“There’s three colors on a stop light. Red, yellow, and green. Each color means something different, doesn’t it?”

“Y-yeah.” God, was it always this hot? Maybe he should turn on the air conditioning? Your fingers crept up to the top of the waistband of his jeans to run across the cold metal of his belt buckle. “Well, what do they mean, baby?”

“G-Green… Green means go,” he recited, his eyes still plastered to the road. These questions were elementary, yet the fog in his brain was making him question every word that came out of his lips. The tightening and untightening of his belt nearly made him keen. Your fingers tucked themselves into the brass button of the dark pants, holding them halfway closed. “And yellow?”

“Yellow means slow down.” You watched his mouth fumble, his tone like velvet on the back on his tongue as the button undid itself with a satisfying pop. The zipper cascaded down on its own at the tension in the sitting position. He lifted his ass up so you could slide the jeans off of his free leg to ensure he still had the space to move if needed.

You spotted the cotton maroon boxer briefs tight on the ridge of his pelvis, the dark gray band highlighting his subtle Adonis belt. You snuck yourself impossibly closer and let your nose run up the length of his clothed cock. Poor thing was already struggling under the tension of the ribbed material. You left a butterfly light kiss to the tip of the bulge. 

“And red, Robbie?” The heat from your breath made him feel like he was melting. His foot tapped forward on the gas for just a moment, revving the engine forward at the sensation. He couldn’t hold back his groan. The tension in his dick left him clenching his forearms.

“St-Stop.”

You pulled away. He whined in desperation, wanting nothing more than a return of heat and friction. His head slammed against the back of the headrest, a chuckle leaving his chest. "Ohh, that was mean, (y/n)."

A darker cloud passed overhead, hiding the sun from the road. The cloud passing gave ample opportunity to you to reach up and snatch the aviators from his eyes, placing them on your own face. Bob had been rather fond of wearing his contacts on the weekend as of late knowing that it allowed you to see his eyes better. You commented on your first date that you wished you could see more of them from behind the fingerprint-stained lenses. You were glad to find that the pair of aviators he wore weren’t his scripts, meaning he could still keep you safe while driving even without his prized sunnies.

“You're the one that said stop,” you smirked. “You’re so silly, honey. You gotta use that big brain of yours.”

You sat up on your knees to plant a sweet kiss on his cheek. Two-day stubble stabbed into the skin of your lips as you left lipstick marks along the crest of his cheeks, his jaw, the side of his chin. You only had access to the right side of his face, but that didn’t mean that his left needed to be neglected. Your right hand wrapped around the side of his cheek to tug at his earlobe. You rolled the cartilage in your hand and moved to capture the spot under his ear on his neck that made him mewl out.

“(Y/n)... baby…”

The sounds that came from his mouth were purely pornographic as you continued your sucking on the assailed spot, rotating between a steady prod with your tongue, laving the salty skin with long strips, or nipping with your teeth. Your hands were plenty busy, running over the tops of his nipples, the peaks straining against the front of his white cotton shirt. 

The speed of the car increased. Bob was doing his best to keep the old truck straight on the one lane highway, but found it difficult to keep the speed steady against your ministrations. All he wanted to do was melt back into the leather and let you take over; to take him somewhere far away from this bleary concrete road. He wanted to rip his shirt off to give you full access to leave bruises on his skin to your fill. He imagined your hot mouth sucking a sensitive nipple, your tongue flicking it to send shockwaves directly to his dick. He imagined your hands running over the planes of his abs, the way your tongue would swirl around his belly button as you went lower, and lower, and lower…

“BOB!” 

He didn’t even realize his eyes had closed until the truck hit the rumble strips. His abdomen was hot as he jammed the steering wheel to the left to straighten the vehicle. With the truck under control, you released the deathgrip on his white shirt, slapping the side of his arm. “Come on, Robbie, not funny. Pay attention.” 

Your gaze softened at his shocked appearance, his arms completely straight in front of him and his posture rigid. You kissed the spot that you had hit, melting a little at his anxiety.

“If it’s too distracting, we don’t have to. I’m perfectly ok with waiting some more,” you muttered, fingers drifting to push his aviators into your hair to reveal your bright pink cheeks. You were in control, sure, but you sure as hell wouldn’t hide feeling hot and bothered at being the cause of his sweet sounds. Your panties were nearly soaked through just from the heavy petting alone.

“I-I didn’t say the safe word, did I,” he breathed. He looked slightly more resolved, a little less uptight. Bob sucked in a deep breath and tipped the glasses back onto your nose, scrunching his eyes as he smiled. “I can handle what’s under that hood of yours, firecracker. ‘Just got sidetracked for a minute. Promise, ma’am, I’ll stay focused from now on.”

You simply smiled. “That’s more like it, Lieutenant Floyd. Don’t disappoint me now.”

Bob’s eyes returned straight ahead of him, his heart hammering in his chest. It was time to focus.

You sat back to get comfortable on the passenger seat, legs spread wide. A finger teasingly pulled at the frilled end of your dress up to your waist. You saw him swallow and watched as his dick jumped against his hard stomach. Even with a near death careening, he was still half hard. The man really is an adrenaline junkie, huh?

“Lesson 2: blinkers and signaling. These are single handedly the most under-utilized devices on any vehicle. What are blinkers used for, Lieutenant?”

“To signal direction change or turning.” Bob cleared his throat once more. His knuckles twisted against the leather of the wheel.

One of your hands drifted down to your covered clit. Your fingers bounced lightly against the top of your swollen bud to send jolts to your spine. You could feel your own wetness on the cotton, a dark spot against the lilac of your panties. “Mmhmm, that’s right baby. Since we can’t communicate with our voices when we drive, we use the cars themselves to show other drivers where we intend to move.”

Gently, your fingers rotate in small circles around the bundle of nerves. You bit your lip to hold in your moan. Goddamn. “N-now honey, you’re going to signal me with your hands. Tell me where we’re going. The louder I moan, the better you’re running these curves. Think you can handle the test?”

Bob nodded wholeheartedly. His cock was long and tense against the top waistband of his shorts. Goodness, it must be excruciating. “Yes ma’am.” 

His fingers ticked to the right. Your hand circled in tandem.

You were letting out breathy sighs as you worked yourself up and up and up. Every so often, Bob would change directions, forcing your wrist and body to accommodate. The sighs and whimpers coming from you were sweet, each sound louder than the last. You felt your pussy throbbing, soaked and sopping, with the inevitable pulsating of emptiness nearly driving you to thrust your own fingers in.

A lightbulb went off in your head.

“R-Robbie,” you groaned. His name was silk on your tongue. “Your fingers. Give ‘em. Please.”

He was going to implode. All he could do was lean over his right hand to you and offer an index and middle finger to swipe at your clothed wetness. God, he wished he could focus on you for just a second, but seeing you so hot and heavy for him might make him jizz his boxers right then and there. You greedily pushed the side of your panties to the side to give him entrance. You took his hands softly and let him prod around the swollen flesh of your core. Holy shit. 

Now, Bob was no prude, but to be driving on the open road for everyone to see, the windows open, your voice so erotic, your legs spread like that… He would have to pray for forgiveness after this for breaking every holy code known to man.

“Go on, baby,” you sighed. Your chest was heaving as your head perched against the passenger door. “Where am I going?”

“You’re going to cum, darlin’.” A feral growl deeper than anything you had heard from him signaled his fingers sliding into you with zero resistance. You moaned in ecstasy at the thickness, your head falling the back of the door with a thunk. “H-Holy fuck, Robbie, yes, right there!”

His fingers scissored in and out of you, pulling in and out, in and out. The hollow feeling in your stomach lit kindling in your abdomen, the feeling of your circling fingers quickly setting it off to a wildfire. You felt tears sliding down your eyes as peered down your nose to find the aviator still focused on the road, expression unaffected. The only thing that gave away his arousal was the small pool of drool leaking from the head of his cock to stain the fabric dark of his boxers. Your unoccupied hand pulled down the front of your dress, your hand massaging the flesh of your breast, your nipple pink and hard against the swirling wind from your window. Your fingers, his fingers, the pressure in your pussy: all of it was divine.

Bob’s fingers picked up speed. They were hooked, pulling up and out with expert precision. He didn’t know your body, but angelic Bob knew exactly where to press your buttons. The man pulled you zero to sixty in three point five. The fire in your core poured out in a tidal wave, unrelenting and ceaseless. You overflowed with a  final shriek leaving your lips. “Fuuucccckkk, Bob! Bob, Bob, fuck!”

You throbbed around him, his pace slowing in time with your hand in his peripherals. Hot, wet, needy. Bob let out his own groan as you came down from your high. He could imagine how you gaped and pulsed around his knuckles, how you were so coated on his hand. He pulled his fingers free and immediately put his digits in his mouth. He groaned out to the roof of the truck, the taste of you, the smell of you, so much more delicious than anything he could have imagined in the past. 

In his thoughts, you had crawled back over the center console, fingers fumbling and shaking from your post-orgasm high to pull his weeping cock free from its prison. He hissed as the hot tip hit the air. You left a plush kiss on the tip, a string of pre-cum sticking to your lips. His aviators were discarded haphazardly on the dashboard leaving your eyes frenzied and wild with lust.

“The final lesson, lesson three: speed control.”

You grabbed him deep at the base, tapping the side of his cock against your cheek, a lopsided smirk on your features. He bit his lip and did his best to suppress his moans. He was wound unbelievably tight. He was frightened he’d come as soon as you put your tongue on him.

“Obviously, the roads have speed limits,” you started, your finger swirling at the tip of his glans. A squeak came from his throat, the feather light touch forcing his hips to grind into his seat. Friction. He needed friction.

“I control how fast we go by just how hard I wanna suck on this pretty little cock of yours. I wanna feel a rush, baby. Give it to me.”

Your eyes were locked on the side of his hard set jaw. You can see him clenching his teeth, the muscles of his neck straining. “Y-yes ma’am. U-understood.”

“Good boy.”

And so you started.

Little kitten licks to the top of the already wet cock left his mouth slackened. Both of your hands held him as you repositioned to your hands and knees, your ass back to facing the window. Your mouth was open wide as you slid the head of his cock against your tongue, the top clearing the roof of your mouth. The vein at the underside of his member twitched. A whimper escaped his lips as he twitched the speed of the truck a bit more. 

You swirled the whole thing back up to the tip, leaving him with a small pop. “Oh, that’s perfect, baby,” you smiled out. “I want you to whine for me. Show me how pretty you are.”

“(Y-Y/n),” he mewled, your mouth locking around the top of his cock. Your lips pulsed over the ridge of the head of him, your fingers gripping at the bottom of his balls. A bit of drool came down the side of your mouth as your tongue molded to tease the underside of the frenulum. 

“Oh my god,” he blurted, his gaze tearing from the road for a moment to see exactly what magic you were doing in his lap. “Whatever that was, do it again, oh my god, baby.”

“What,” you questioned innocently. “This?” You did the same motion again, locking your eyes to his face to watch him squeeze his eyes in ecstasy. You slapped the side of his thigh to remind him to open his eyes, which he obliged. You could see the tears welling up in the inner corners of his eyes. It was just so fucking good.

You let your mouth cover his shaft, running up and down as your free hand cupped his balls. Your tongue constantly slid along each inch of skin, coating the entire member in saliva. The drool and pre-cum pooled together around your lips, effectively smudging pink lipstick around the creases of your chin. Your gaze never left his face. He could feel your eyes boring holes into his face to watch his every move. 

He sped up a bit more. The speedometer was reading 75mph in a 60mph. Hopefully there weren’t any staties hanging off in the brush.

Without warning, your throat locked itself around his shaft. Bob’s foot slammed on the gas pedal, a shocked squeal leaving his throat. “D-Doll!”

“Mmmph?” You were sunk half way down his cock, your eyes peering up at him beneath sweaty temples and your hair plastered against your forehead. He had both hands on the wheel and you had both hands on his gears while you bobbed yourself up and down, humming in appreciation at his heady taste. 

Bob felt his vision blurring as you sank down lower and lower. He couldn’t control the sounds coming from his throat. Something feral was erupting in his chest. Your speed climbed up and up with the speed of the vehicle in a dance of death, spiraling out of control to a potentially explosive end. You were both automatic. You were pushing the limits of your throat and his old truck to the absolute extreme, but Bob had to break first.

“P-Pinwheel!”

You popped off immediately at the word as Bob swerved to the breakdown lane, crunching down on the emergency break. A gust of dust settled in the car as he careened to a stop to park just before a ditch on the now desert road. Your brows creased with immediate concern. What the hell happened? Was it too much? Did you hurt him? 

You moved up from your fallen position in the wheel well to put your hands around his hot cheeks to ground him. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated, as he pulled you closer from your spot, his lips crushing against yours immediately. You let out a squeak in surprise, his force not what you were expecting after using his safe word. You forced yourself away for a moment, shoving his chest away. What went wrong? 

“Robbie, wait, wh-.”

“No waiting, ‘m fine. Can’t drive anymore. Baby, I need you back on my cock or I’ll go insane.” 

His words were chopped and his vision was frantic searching over you. He had thrown his cap off during the emergency stop and his hair was mussed, twisting and turning in sweaty little curls. You let a hand rest on his chest for a moment, his heart fluttering like a hummingbird under your fingertips. He laced his hands behind your hair to pull you into a kiss, your taste mixing with his like an ambrosia on your tongue. 

He pulled away first this time, breathing heavily with his forehead to yours. 

“Please, (y/n), please.” 

He was pleading now, begging and whining with hot tears nearly falling from his eyes. His cheeks were splotched with heat and his cock was nearly purple with heat. You ran a finger under his eyes to catch the salty tears, tasting them on your tongue, before sinking down to your place. You gave his cock a few quick pumps, watching him lean back against the door of the driver’s seat. He was fucked own, his chest heaving into the wet spots of sweat that littered his white shirt.

“No more speed, just feel, Robbie. Just feel me.”

You both locked eyes as you went down on him again. His hands finally found purchase in your hair, tugging at the strands. You let a moan of approval move through your sinuses as you pulled the salty secretions from his tip. You swirled them with your saliva to go down further and further on his cock until you were nearly at his pelvis. He nearly sobbed out loud, his head tipping back to the window. The rays beating off of his neck, now littered with bruises, made him look like a god of the sun, basking in the light of his own power. 

You attempted to make a comment, but found him pushing your mouth down to a half way position. “No one taught you any manners, huh, (y/n)? No speaking with a full mouth. That’s impolite.”

You smiled against him and propped yourself up to suckle at the tip one more time. You nodded your head in his direction, hoping that if he wasn’t going to let you speak, that he would understand the permission you gave him. “F-for real?” Bob shifted his hips up to thrust into your mouth a little deeper to test the waters. You let your eyes close to focus. You focused on making your throat as wide as possible, on making yourself deep and expansive. You felt your core leak against your sopping panties as he took another teasing thrust a little deeper. 

Seeing no resistance from you, he began pistoning himself into your mouth at a steadier interval. Every thrust was accompanied by gorgeous keens of pleasure. “Y-You’re unbelievable, oh my God.” Your focus was undeterred as you felt him grow thicker in your mouth, your tongue continuously moving to strike the bottom vein of his gorgeous, heavy cock. Your finger attempted again to sneak beneath your dress to circle your clit. You felt the burn snap as soon as your fingers found purchase, a second wave of heat flowing from between your legs. 

Your eyes started to roll as Bob’s hips stuttered into you, his pace frantic. You hollowed your cheeks, gagging against his rock hard length.

“Baby, baby, I-I — (y/n), oh~,” he wailed, pushing your nose flush to his pubic bone. Hot ropes of cum shot from his cock, thick and creamy, deep down to the pits of your stomach. Your legs were streaming small rivulets of release as your gut filled with the heat of his release.You felt yourself unceremoniously swallowing against him as he pulsed down your throat. Your hands ghosted up to softly massage against the ripples of his ribs to soothe him.

He released your hair. The pressure on the roots relieved itself immediately, but you wished his nails were back against your scalp. You took your time pulling off of him, sucking the last bits of his sticky cum onto your tongue as you slurped against him. He was purring when you left one last kiss to the tip of head to part from him completely. You opened your mouth to show the clump of cum on your tongue before you swallowed it whole, opening again to reveal a clean mouth. 

“I think you passed your driving test,” you smiled, swiping caked saliva from your lips. He smiled at you sheepishly with both of his hands brushing back his curls slick to his scalp.

“Jeez, I’m sorry, (y/n), I-I should’a warned you sooner I was gonna come.” His flush was no longer from arousal, but embarrassment. You couldn’t figure out what he was embarrassed about in the slightest. The man just face fucked you senseless better than anyone had ever done before and he was sorry? Incredible. Robert Floyed was just too good for this world. 

You crawled up his sweaty chest to lay across him for a moment and left a chaste kiss to his lips. You both smiled against each other in the heat of the California sun.

“Guess I’m allowed to go home tonight,” you muttered to him. Bob raised an eyebrow in question. You explained your roommate’s last shout out of your apartment when you were leaving. 

“I mean, we had sex, but we didn’t have sex, you know? We still have plenty of time,” he said, tapping his hands against the curves of your ass. You let out a giggle. 

“I like the sound of that, Lieutenant. This engine’s a manual and needs certain attention so it can rev all night.”

He kissed the tip of your nose and gave a sinister smile.

 “Thankfully for you, I can drive a stick shift.”

tag list: @flashyourgreeneyesatme @brsdshaw (i'm sure i'm missing people omg im so sorry i feel like im braindead ajkshdlfa)

post note: I ended up adding two other whole parts tonight JUST before posting because i;m insane AHHAHAHA forgive me for the late post but PLEASE comment/reblog/like if you enjoyed this, thank you guys so much for reading!!! &lt;333

[c-m-li]

First of all, you all need to get better at reading the whole question because a lot of you seemed to miss the part where I said no powers.

Second of all, to the person who reblogged this poll with the tag that there's something wrong with you if you only read ya fiction *deep breath* STOP BEING ELITIST and don't disparage people for their preferred genre of entertainment. Karking haran.

Third of all, I will not be taking any hate about my opinions on the ranking below, but feel free to debate the shit out of it.

In my ranking, I mainly focused on training, experience, and their willingness to be ruthless/cheat to win.

That being said, without further adieu:

7. Victor Vale coming in at dead last. He has no kind of training and he relies almost entirely on his powers to win his fights for him. He can definitely be ruthless, but any kind of fighting experience he has is what he picked up in prison.

6. Four/Tobias. I can already hear the screaming. While he is a good fighter, until the end of the first book the only experience he had was fighting his students or other trainers. Most of the fighting scenes we get for him are training scenes. It could be argued that fighting in a rebellion could be like fighting in a war, but I never really got the sense that he was fighting for his life. (I also read these books over a decade ago so there is that)

5. Peeta Mellark. I feel like a lot of people sleep on Peeta because he's a soft male protagonist, especially when he's standing next to Katniss. But he actually survived two different Hunger Games while multiple people were trying to kill him. I also feel that it's forgotten that they didn't just throw the tributes into the arena first thing but actually spent some time training them so that they'd last longer.

4. Prince Po. He's actually an expert combatant who has been trained all his life to fight and he actually fought Katsa to a standstill whose grace was surviving/winning. He gets points docked though since he relies so heavily on his grace of specific empathy/telepathy to give him an edge in any fight.

3. Kaz Brekker. This is where the training part comes into play, because Kaz is an excellent fighter. He wins pretty much every fight he gets into and outsmarts his way out of the others, not to mention his completely ruthless nature and willingness to take a hit. However, Kaz has had exactly zero formal training and he fights like what he is - a canal rat who has had to fight to survive every day. I still would never cross him in a fight though.

2. Percy Jackson. Now, this is where the no powers comes in, because of course Percy wins in a landslide if he can use his powers, he's literally half god. Without his powers, he still has an enormous amount of experience on his side as well as a lot of training. He's fought in two wars against gods and titans, as well as years of guerilla warfare against any monster on his tail. However, he's mainly been trained with other teenagers and while he's led armies they weren't the most organized military systems.

1. Will Treaty. Will wins out with training and experience. He's been trained from a young age on how to fight multiple opponents bigger than him, and he has participated in large scale warfare as well as other military excursions. He's been trained in military strategy on how to defend everything from a small party to an entire kingdom, and I'm of the firm opinion that no one can fight in an actual war without cheating because there is no such thing as cheating in a fight for your life, and the Rangers base their strategies on subterfuge. There's a reason that the King doesn't send more than one Ranger for anything less than a full scale invasion.

(at least 18 people said that they didn't know any of these characters)

[yeeunjia]

Enha reacting to you admiring them on vlive like saying alot of good things and your cheeks are all red

▬▬ [ENHYPEN] reaction to you talking about them on vlive !

idol!enha x idol!gn!reader

▬▬  enha masterlist, here. i write for both kpop and genshin! for feedbacks or requests send them here! (●'◡'●) feedbacks, reblogs, follows, or likes are appreciated!

▬▬  warnings : none ————————————————————————— lee heeseung 이희승 : - he’d start to talk about you too !! ヾ(＾-＾)ノ this man can’t even believe that you’re actually admiring someone like him >:(( whenever he’d watch your vlive after work and see you talking about him, admiring him, and saying words such as “heeseung..well, i really do admire him! he works so hard and puts a lot of effort in his performances too! it truly makes me want to work harder, especially for him, honestly!! i’m really proud of him and i hope he’s doing well!” he sees how you actually seem sincere and can’t help but smile right away.  park jongseong  박종성 : - jay doesn’t admit it much but he really does enjoy watching your vlive. your voice is honestly enough to make him feel comfort or make him loosen up whenever he’s tired. (´◡`) almost falls asleep until he hears you say his name. he loved how flustered you looked while saying flattering things about him!! would call you afterwards then says sweet nothings to you this time. oh god, you just love this man so much. (๑꧆◡꧆๑) sim jaeyun  심재윤 : - the smile he has on his face while you talk about him would be too adorable (≧∇≦) knows that a part of you is the biggest simp for him and he loves that so much. even sweet nothings are more than enough for him especially when those words come from you!! doesn’t stop talking about how he thinks you looked cute and even has screenshots of that vlive (〃 ω 〃) sure, it makes you flustered, but, it’s THE SIM JAEYUN so just let him be ..  park sunghoon  박성훈 : - has this little smirk on his face while he listens to you talking about the things you admire about him!! (and i mean like- that type of smirk that makes you wanna smack him) but still, he gets wayyyy too flustered. smiles about it so much that his members even would go “hoon, you literally dropped the plate, why are you smiling?....” you can literally make him feel better about himself and boost his ego in a bliss!!! (*°ヮ° *) teases you about it for days but would still want you to do that again (〃ꇴ〃) yang jungwon  양정원 : - seeing you saying lots of things about him and knowing the fact that you only have eyes for him makes him this proud and happy kitty!! ( ⁎ᵕᴗᵕ⁎ ）just like jake, even the smallest things and even little sweet nothings would already mean so much to him. you literally gave him butterflies everywhere. blushes and laughs a bit as he sees your flustered expression when your fans wanted you to talk about your relationship with him. (*°ヮ° *) kim sunoo  김선우 : - he won’t even try to hide how happy he felt!!  (❁´◡`❁)  he would honestly feel really lucky to have you and talks about it in his vlive too!! would want to hear you say those words again and asks you to shower him with compliments when you’re both alone.  (⭑￫ 𓎟 ￩ ⭑) makes a fan account afterwards and posts videos about that vlive. (sneaky, i swear) starts talking about it so much and won’t even get tired of it ヾ(＾-＾)ノ nishimura riki  西村 力 : - he loves it so much but still teases you about it. (⭒  ์ ⲳ ์ ) though, whenever you would tell him that you’re never doing that again, he’d start apologizing while trying not to laugh (๑꧆◡꧆๑) he would feel extremely loved and i can see him being super affectionate + clingy to you after that! also brags about it to his hyungs 24/7. niki’s still their maknae so they let him be anyway.  (✩ ์ ᴗ ์✩) ————————————————————————— author’s note : i hope this wasn’t too short omg HDSGSDHSD im personally melting while writing this,,, adieu (｡ᐤヮᐤ｡)

[lara60]

WOO IM FINALLY HOME Now that I can write more coherent thoughts .. this wasn’t just my first Rammstein concert, this was my first concert ever. It was amazing, literally beyond words and I am SO glad I had a chance to see them, and up close from the Feuerzone too!!!!! My fav moments (spoilers for tour setlist!): - Schneider starting the concert with a literal BOOM - people marching in place to Links 2-3-4 - Till filming the boys during Puppe - the crowd chanting along to Heirate mich - Richard having a blast during the Deutschland remix - THE ENTIRETY OF RADIO. Oh my god its such a banger live - the entirety of the Mein Teil fire show + the rest of the boys dancing near Schneider while watching the carnage - crowd chanting along to Du hast + the insane fireworks!!! - THE FIRE DURING SONNE. Holy fucking shit that was some serious heat - Paul falling on his ass during the boat ride (if I saw right :D) and Till and Flake welcoming the rest of the boys back on stage - PAUL/RICHARD KISS DURING AUSLÄNDER - the lightshow during Du riechst so gut was INSANE - PUSSY. Such a banger, though I was a bit too far to the side and didn’t get coated by Till’s dick cannon sdjhgjsdgj - THE FIRE EFFECTS DURING RAMMSTEIN - Till telling the crowd to put our hands up in Czech during Ich Will!!! That was so hype - Everyone realizing that Adieu was the last song, doing waves with our hands and singing along Overall it was an unforgettable experience and I can’t wait to see them again someday ♥