#Which is why i haven't been around despite me opening this blog

[askthesvulpix]

A lad

Artist @/witchofspades

[icewindandboringhorror]

I’m always paranoid of my tumblr being deleted or malfunctioning or something like that someday, so here’s other places to find me/follow me, just in case lol

~ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lucalicatte/

~ main youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/LucaLiCatte

~ games/sims youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@cloudycatte

~ facebook page (I rarely use this because I hate facebook but.. it at least allows text posts better than instagram does, so idk maybe I’d use it more if tumblr went away? lol) - https://www.facebook.com/cloudycatteart/

~ Other Links (stuff I don’t use often/isn’t Main enough to list here, like twitter, neopets, other tumblr sideblogs, youtube channels, etc.) are here - http://icewindandboringhorror.tumblr.com/otherlinks )

[tinystepsforward]

automattic vs wp engine mastterpost

adrienne's GitHub recap is probably the best place to see a comprehensive timeline of what's going down. it's been kept up to date. my (very out of date) previous writeup is here.

what's happened/other links

Matt has not logged off, just switched platforms, so there's lots on X/Twitter, Reddit, and Hacker News. it's really not worth wading through.

WP Engine actually filed suit.

the complaint includes some truly remarkable screenshots of Matt trying to blackmail the CEO of WP Engine.

which... personally i would not happily work for someone who just blackmailed me while not even my boss, but that's just me. he hasn't denied this at all, in fact confirming on Hacker News:

I haven't doxxed any private texts from other parties like they have. [source]

and, notably,

I even invited her to my 40th birthday on Jan 11, another text message she decided not to share. [source]

this gives me the creeps. in the context of the rest of the way he's talking to her, and the ways in which he's interacted with women in general, it's. not great.

also he slid into an ex-employee (also a woman)'s DMs asking why she was being mean to him bc he'd never been nothing but nice to her, while also making legal threats. so y'know, pattern of behaviour.

a good writeup of the social side of things

if you don't care so much about the open-source stuff, Steph Lundberg's writeup is, like her previous one on Matt's Tumblr meltdown, pretty solid and people-focused.

Mullenweg has already demonstrated egregious lapses in judgment and abuses of power, it’s just that up until now he’s wielded his power against vulnerable populations without access to high-powered lawyers and their own massive platforms.

a more technical writeup

this one is melodramatic in the same ways Matt was (uses war terminology), which i don't agree with, and which led to some... internal arguments at Automattic. that part's not my story to tell, but a little more on that later. it's a solid writeup of the actual WordPress side of things. there's some seriously dodgy trademark behaviour going on here.

of note: this blogger locked comments on his post:

and then Matt, uh, found a way around that:

wild!

10% of Automattic leaves

that's a link to Matt's blog post. here's an Internet Archive link.

in short, staff were offered a severance deal of the higher of $30k or six months' salary. while that's very generous, it's still very risky in today's tech market, especially (for the same reasons i mentioned when Matt was melting down on here) for people outside the US, people who need the health insurance, or people with young kids. despite that, 10% decided with very little notice (they had two days to decide) to leave.

However now, I feel much lighter. I’m grateful and thankful for all the people who took the offer, and even more excited to work with those who turned down $126M to stay. As the kids say, LFG!

i'm thrilled to see some of my ex-colleagues make it out. i'm keeping the rest who have stayed on in my thoughts. i don't know anyone who's wholesale shilling for Matt.

Matt's been pressuring staff to post in support of him, @-ing the entire company to vote on Twitter polls in his favor, and so on. many of the people who stayed have written blog posts about it, all starting with "I stayed". people on social media have pointed out the very clear pattern of Automatticians jumping into discourse to defend Matt, and it doesn't look good.

i don't have a lot to say about those posts, except to highlight Jeffrey Zeldman, whose "I stayed" post is perhaps one of the more honest ones. (his Rodney King reference was in poor taste, and he... i don't like his role at automattic, tbc) but like. he's nearly 70. he helped shape the modern internet and develop its accessibility standards. he has often put his neck on the line for disabled staff who don't have as much clout as he does. given the financial troubles he talks about and the state of this market and how old he is, i personally have read between the lines of what he's saying in a particular way.

fuck, man. i'm sad. i'm sad for all my friends who are creaking under the strain and watching others leave but who can't do that. i'm sad that many of them are left in teams which are half-empty or divisions where significant senior leadership are just gone, with no time to document what they had in progress.

i'm sad for Josepha Haden Chomphosy, the former executive director of the WordPress Foundation, who was dealing with a personal emergency and ended up having to miss WordCamp US (where Matt started publicly starting shit with WPE). she came back from that to a gigantic fire in the community she's invested a decade of careful, Matt-negotiating, stewardship to, and decided to take the severance offer. she deserved better.

other things Matt's been up to

mostly linking to comments or posts which compile things here, bc it's too scattered otherwise.

blocking people from the official WordPress X account if they disapprove of his actions.

publicly talking about a vulnerability in ACF, a plugin WPE maintains, which could put thousands of sites at risk. this is not normal, and he met with so much horror even from current staff that he deleted his post.

saying he comes across badly because he's "a little ASD", which is driving me personally up the fucking wall. he's never once said it before and he really is turning into Temu Elon.

generally bragging that he still has more planned. jesus fucking christ

continually saying that WPE's suit is against WordPress.org and the community, which is not true. on which note, his pinned tweet is certainly something:

his choice of lawyer is uh. the kind of guy to defend nestle against literal child slaves.

as always, while i think WordPress crumbling will disproportionately affect websites in poorer parts of the world, there are certainly tyrants who are causing much more immediate and potent suffering. if you've read this far, please do send anything you have spare to gazafunds.com.

[lpsotd]

important announcement part 2: electric boogaloo

greetings tumblr! i haven't made an original post in (i believe) over a month, and i actually didn't plan on making an announcement about my absence at all, for no real reason honestly, i just didn't want to. however, i think i'm correct to assume there's at least a handful of people who have been my curious about my absence, or perhaps wondering why they've noticed a lack of daily littlest pet shops on their dashboard.

this post is going to be long, personal, and serious. i'm going to be talking about myself, my life at the moment, and what i'm going to be doing moving forward.

you can read everything under the cut. i'm providing trigger warnings for suicide and familial death. the first half of this post is where the warnings apply, the other half is about what i'll be doing with this blog and also relates to my internet presence in general.

the latter half of the month of september was extremely taxing on my mental health, the main reason for my mental decline is not something i'm going to touch on here, as it's too personal and there's no reason for me to air out my private business on tumblr.com of all places. all you need to know is that during late september, i was at my worst. i had been trying to push through and continue my life as normal despite the constant turmoil i was in, and i never had the motivation to do anything with myself besides taking a shower, and even then i was rather neglectful of my hygiene. i had plenty of support from those close to me. my mom in particular did her absolute best to make sure i was comfortable and felt loved and cared for, and i did feel that way. however, at this point in my life i was a ticking time bomb and i don't think any one person would've been able to cut any cords to put a stop to the timer.

on september 26th at around 1:45pm, i made an attempt on my life. i'm not sure what it was about that day in particular, but it was then that i decided i didn't want to deal with anything anymore. fortunately for me, i was stupid enough to post what was essentially a suicide note to my main tumblr blog, which friends of mine took notice of. this, of course, worried people and one of my friends called the police to my house. long story short, i spent a day in the hospital and was sent to a psychiatric hospital the following afternoon.

i was in the psychiatric hospital for little less than a week, and if i were to detail my experience here it would make this post at least 3x longer than i intend it to be. (and i do plan on dedicating a large post to it someday) in short, it was an eye-opening experience and i left with a better view on myself as a person. i was discharged on october 3rd and i'm currently in therapy and looking for other methods to help myself.

the doctor at the psychiatric hospital diagnosed me with adjustment disorder with depressed mood, although i'm made to believe i have borderline personality disorder as i get unhealthily attached to people and my entire mood depends on how they interact with me. due to this belief, i'm hesitant to get too close to people because i don't want to risk becoming emotionally attached/dependent on one (1) sole person and my entire mental wellbeing collapsing due to something like us parting ways. so at this moment i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to pursue a romantic relationship.

for the week i've been home, i've been trying to readjust to normal life again after becoming used to the static routine present in the psychiatric hospital. i've found myself becoming easily irritated and overwhelmed by even the slightest bit of noise in my home because the hospital was always so quiet and calm. i'm unsure if this irritability will go away as i become re-accustomed to the semi-chaotic nature of my home.

on top of all of this, my grandfather passed away yesterday and, as of writing this, i'm in a state of emotional numbness and i've somewhat disassociated from the situation. as it stands currently, life doesn't feel too real and i'm uncertain of how i'm going to deal with this when my emotions finally come to the surface.

that's it for the depressing portion of this post. everything from here will be pertaining to the state of this blog, what i'm going to be doing with it, and also my presence on other social medias among other things.

for the past three or so months i haven't felt very compelled to post to this blog. when i went on hiatus a while ago, i thought time away from this blog would reignite my passion for it and i'd be able to come back and do things like i used to. and while that was the case for a while, i quickly lost interest again and sometime in mid-late july i let my queued posts do everything and i barely posted or reblogged anything aside from gofundmes.

while littlest pet shop is still one of my special interests, i'm no longer as fixated on it as i was when i first started this blog. i once debated turning this blog into a catchall for my toy interest and no longer posting daily lps, however that idea no longer appeals to me and i think i'm going to be calling it quits for this blog.

i'm not happy about this decision, but i no longer get joy from logging on and posting to this blog anymore.

i find it foolish to delete this blog and never use it again, though. i still have over eight thousand followers and i believe i should use that to share and bring awareness to donation posts. so this blog will not be going anywhere.

if you want to follow me elsewhere, my main blog is @joplinspiderz and my art blog is @mushyspiderz. i'm trying to put more focus on my presence in art spaces, as i want to get attention for my art and earn money doing things like commissions, as i'm looking for other sources of income so that i can pay for things i need and can stop feeling like a freeloader in my mother's house (that is half of a joke. but i do really want to help my mom with her bills and such as well as my personal things.)

i also have an instagram, threads, and twitter where i will be posting my art as well. the audience i want for my art is people in my age range (18 and older) as i tend to draw things and characters that are suggestive/sexual in nature. all three socials are currently bare (that will change, of course.) the handle for my instagram/threads is joplinspiderz and my twitter is mushyspiderz.

the person i have been portraying on this blog has been a somewhat sanitized version of who i actually am, as i wanted to create a safe and comfortable space for those who age regress because i noticed a good chunk of the people interacting with my posts were age regressers. i'm 18 years old and i enjoy consuming media that is sexual in nature as well as horror movies. i like to include sexual themes in my artwork and my writing as well. you will not find anything outright pornographic on my socials, however sometime in the future when/if i'm able to, i would like to create a patreon where i post nsfw locked behind a paywall (profiting off of horny fools sounds like so much fun /silly)

i sincerely thank everyone who followed this silly little blog of mine and interacted with me. the littlest pet shop community is one of the best fandoms i've been apart of, everyone i've met and spoken to has been so kind. running this blog was also the reason i encountered two people who i consider to be some of my closest and best friends. if i didn't create this blog i'm not sure if i would've met them.

i've always felt joy when opening my inbox here and seeing messages from people who say things like littlest pet shop was a part of their childhood, and that my blog brought them back to their childhood and made them happy. i'm so very glad i was able to give people a sense of joy and nostalgia. running this blog has been a big part of me getting over being seen as "weird" or "cringe" by societal standards. i embrace being seen as "cringe" and i have my rare lps on full display in my bedroom.

again, i thank everyone who followed me here, and if you wish to support me you can follow any of my social medias where i will be posting my artwork. i will be logging on here every so often to boost palestinian gofundmes and donation posts, and i encourage everyone who comes across those to share as well.

that's all for now, farewell. 🩷

[xpao-bearx]

"Like A Virgin"

Steven Grant x Fem!Reader/Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader/Marc Spector x Fem!Reader

Read Part 1 HERE

Read Part 2 HERE

Read Part 4 HERE

NOTES: The fact that the idea for this part was already causing me such INTENSE brainrot way before I even finished writing Part 2 (which is pretty funny cuz I actually had a TOTALLY different idea compared to how this part is now, but hey my stoopid brain does what it does) 👁👄👁 Anyhoe, I am SO stoked for this (it also turned out quite long)!! It's finally got ✨️smut✨️ which I know my fellow sluts have been waiting for, BUT it's not the actual sexy sex yet cuz I'm saving that for the last part. Don't worry, it'll definitely be worth it~ ;)

BTW there's a part in this where Steven recites French poetry by Marceline Desbordes-Valmore and I used Google Translate for the English, so if the translation is off then I'm very sorry!

And I just wanna thank y'all sooo much again from the bottom of mah lil black heart, like SERIOUSLY! You lovelies are truly spoiling me with all your sweet comments, likes, and reblogs 😭❤️❤️❤️ And I swear that after the unexpectedly huge success of this fic, it made me fall RIDICULOUSLY HARDER for Oscar ISNACC and I have y'all to blame for dragging me even deeper into DILF Hell Heaven. Like, it's actually a problem when I suddenly feel like giggling and kicking my feet while I'm suffering at work just at the thought of him 😂

I also haven't been this confident and motivated in a while, and this is one of the VERY rare times I'm actually updating pretty quickly without the temptation of slacking off and abandoning it. I love writing and this fic is my baby, and it's just so fucking incredible that you guys are loving what I'm putting out, too, so once more: THANK YOU 🥰

Who knows, maaaybe more Moon Knight fics will come out in the future from me and fingers crossed that Moon Knight Season 2 will be confirmed 🤭

And the tag list has been updated! I also included some readers who I thought wanted to follow this whole series, so if you find yourself tagged despite not asking to be then that's why LMAO xD As always, the tag list is open so don't be shy to ask if you'd like to be added on it! ^_^

TAGS: @autismsupermusicalassassin @ungracefularchimedes @pimosworld @ababynova @sweatyroadcowboyjudge @anapnovo-blog @am-3-thyst @harrys-tittie @zukoisbabee @wiltedwonderland @the-ginger-draws @bitchyglitterfox @readingfan @spidey-3 @minigirl87 @wandasupremacy @simba-will-live-on @wavychelle @thepowerthismanhasoverme @blackholegladiator @kittytiddywinks @literalfkinsimp

Part 3: Like a virgin, touched for the very first time

After the flurry of honesty and an insane whirlwind of emotions, you and Steven finally winded down. It was a bit awkward following that, but he asked (well, sputtered) if you'd like to stay. He immediately apologized, knowing that he was overstepping boundaries and he completely understands if you rejected such a mental idea.

But it was late, and there was absolutely no way he was going to let you go home alone especially with the state you're in. And also...

Well, call him a selfish knob, but he just wanted--needed--to be with you.

But you agreed to stay--enthusiastically so. You both were flustered, though sharing a laugh together had all the tension fade away.

Because, truly, you were right where you were supposed to be.

♡•••🌙•••♡

Steven prepared dinner for the two of you, consisting of five-minute vegan mac and cheese courtesy of his microwave then indulging yourselves with the box of chocolates he brought at the failed date for dessert. It wasn't "grand" by any means, but it was the best you ate in a long time.

All thanks to the cute host... Actually, your gorgeous boyfriend.

Just the thought had you grinning like a doofus, the butterflies in your belly now transforming into fucking birds.

Did that make sense? Hell no, but being with Steven absolutely did.

"Love..." Steven's strong arms encircled around your waist from behind, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "Make yourself comfortable, yeah? Don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch."

You gasped, affronted, quickly whipping around to face him. "Excuse you, sir, but I have every reason to be worried!" You huffed dramatically. "You are definitely not sleeping on the couch, Steven. And if you still insist that you are, then I'll just join you!"

Steven chuckled, his cheeks glowing pink. He rested his chin atop your head, pulling you closer to him. "The couch is too small for the two of us... So for a good night's sleep, I suppose I have no choice but to share the bed with you, yeah?"

"You say that as if you'd rather not." You pouted playfully, wrapping your arms around him and laying your head against his chest. You can faintly hear the erratic thrum of his heartbeat, matching your own.

"I'm just pulling your leg, sweetheart." He teased, kissing your head.

How the fuck did he ever get so lucky? He thought he was going crazy, that this was all just a dream--but it wasn't. Dreams were never this good. You were right here, right now, in his arms. Wholly accepting him for who he is. Loving him.

And he fucking loved you, too.

"Where's the bathroom, baby?"

Baby. The name made his heart stop for a full second. Heat once again crept up to his cheeks and all the way to the tips of his ears, his voice not coming out as all he could do was just point towards the bathroom as he stared down at you in a completely lovestruck sort of wonder.

You giggled, blushing as well before leaning up on your tiptoes and pecking his nose. "You go relax, Steven. I'll join you soon."

He watched you saunter off, still glued in place and a hand atop his frenzied heart.

He had no idea how in the world he was supposed to relax, especially now that the situation fully hit him like a freight train. But thankfully, he found his legs moving for him and his body taking the liberty of changing into his cozy pyjamas before climbing onto bed.

He put on his ankle restraint and settled down, covering the blanket over him like some posh Victorian duchess as he laid completely stiff. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, lifting his head and squinting every so often at the closed bathroom and your obscure shadow dancing amidst the light peeking through the tiny crack of the door underneath.

And it was so...quiet. Neither Marc nor Jake has uttered a single peep, which was highly unusual. Either one or both of them always had something to say, regardless of whatever Steven was doing and he was the same whenever they were fronting.

But as of the moment, he couldn't even handle speaking with Marc. Not after what he did. Marc and Jake were his family and there was no doubt that he and Marc will eventually make up, but no one was ever allowed to hurt you--especially now that you two were officially together.

Jake, on the other hand... Well, he was known to butt into Steven's business. But Jake always gave him a good push, and he would never actually force Steven to do something if Jake didn't believe he could do it. Truly, Steven owed Jake for technically setting you and him up.

But besides Marc, Steven was more surprised that Jake wasn't yapping away especially when you were involved. It didn't go unnoticed for Steven the way Jake has...changed. Only when you were around, at least. And despite Jake being the stealthiest of them all, Steven could always feel him silently observing you at work deep within the recesses of his mind.

But Steven never said anything. He just understood--accepted--Jake, and he was sure that Jake knew. But Steven didn't mind it; in fact, it made him feel less alone.

After all, how could anyone ever resist you?

He then sighed deeply, shaking his head. Clearly it was no use just laying in his bed like a corpse, so he sat up and threw the blanket off before grabbing a random book from his bedside table and donned his glasses. But his brain was too muddled, heart still not ceasing its turbulent thump as he couldn't even register the words popping out of the worn pages he has read a thousand times.

"So you wear glasses, too, huh?"

He flinched slightly at your voice, seeing you standing at the foot of his bed. You chuckled softly before your eyes landed on his ankle restraint, raising a brow.

"S-Sorry, it's..." He scrambled for something--anything. "I...I know it's a huge red flag, but I have a...sleeping disorder. I promise it ain't for something, um...sexual."

"No need to make excuses, Steven. I don't think it's a red flag."

'And I wouldn't mind if you used it on ME.' You bit back the risqué words that nearly tumbled out your foolish, needy mouth.

Steven only smiled shyly, putting the book away before he gasped when he suddenly felt something plop down on his lap.

Something soft, warm, and lovely.

"Is...is this okay..?" Now it was your turn to be shy, meeting his gaze tentatively.

"More than okay." He breathed, staring up at you with an awed grin. "Gods, Y/N, you're beautiful."

"Thanks, this is my 'I wonder how I didn't pass out from running the most I never thought I could' look." You laughed. But Steven didn't, guilt clouding his features.

He placed his hands on your hips, brows knitting together and jaw squaring. "I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn't have to do that, didn't have to meet me. I would've hated it, but I would've totally understood if you never wanted to see me again. And yet...I was happy when you did come."

"I'm happy, too, Steven." You assured him, one hand on his shoulder while the other combed through his fluffy curls. "And honestly, I would do it again. If you were in, hell, Egypt--I'd still find a way to you, no matter what."

His expression softened, a smile replacing his frown as he leaned forward and laid his head on your chest. "Please do one favour for me, though?" You kept quiet, patiently awaiting his words. "If you ever meet Marc, punch the prick."

"Baby, I can only slap him! No way I'd ever damage your godsent face." You laughed again, little snorts wracking your body that Steven found so damn endearing. Then he looked up, his chin resting in between the pillowy softness of your breasts.

"Love... Call me that again."

"Baby." You obeyed with zero hesitation, and Steven groaned. A deep, rumbly sound that sent tingles all throughout your body. You lightly tugged on his hair, making his head tip back and gaze locking with his pretty brown eyes that have gotten darker, pupils dilated.

"Baby..." Your voice came out as a pathetic whine, your hand on his shoulder holding on for dear life. "Wanna kiss you."

Like a predator pouncing on its prey, Steven swooped up to catch your lips--only for the both of your glasses to bump into each other.

An awkward beat passed between the two of you before you both exploded into riotous laughter. The two of you fell side by side on the bed, giggling so much that tears sprang to your eyes and your stomachs hurt.

Once you two finally calmed down, you exchanged bright smiles and Steven rolled on top of you. His elbows dug into the bed on either side of you, making sure not to bear down his weight on you. He then took off both of your glasses, setting them aside on the bedside table.

"Shall we try again, love?" But Steven didn't wait for your response, crashing his lips with yours.

It was chaste. Feather light. So much better than what you ever imagined it to be like. Steven's lips were unexpectedly soft, but there was a certain firmness in the way he kissed you. Your eyes fluttered shut, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in closer to deepen the kiss.

Steven cradled the side of your face gently, lovingly, as if he was handling glass. Then, experimentally, you nipped on his bottom lip. He gasped sharply, and you slid your tongue inside his mouth.

It was obvious how inexperienced you were, but Steven certainly didn't mind. In fact, it only turned him on even more that you wanted to spend your precious first time with him.

And he was definitely never letting you go.

You moved your tongue uncertainly, small panic brewing inside of you if you were doing it right. All those shows and movies made kissing look so easy; but you were soon snapped out of your thoughts as Steven's tongue tangled with yours, taking the lead as he coaxed you into a lazy, sensual dance.

And that drew a long, beautiful moan out of you. Steven craved more, more, more--wanting to push you to the very limit, a lustful, greedy beast suddenly possessing his body.

But oh, he knew, deep down, that beast has always been there; waiting for the right moment to be released.

Waiting for you.

He then slowly pulled away, a thin string of saliva connecting your tongues. Your entire body was flushed, lips puffy and eyes hazy with anguished yearning as you stared up at him. Your hands reached out, clinging on tightly to his black sweatshirt. Despite being on the bed, you felt as if you were free falling into a bottomless pit.

And you wanted to fall--with Steven.

"Steven..." You murmured, one leg wrapping around his waist. "Are you gonna make love to me?"

"No." His reply was instant, levelling his gaze with yours. "I will, but not tonight, darling. I don't have any condoms."

"I...I don't mind..."

A low purr reverberated from his throat. Fuck, were you even aware of what you were saying? Of the sweet, tempting danger it entailed?

He might as well just tie you up, keep you in his apartment forever. With him. ONLY him.

He shook his head, quickly stamping down such dark, possessive thoughts.

"Love." He emphasized through clenched teeth, and you saw the way his inner conflict flickered in his eyes. "Not tonight, Y/N. But that doesn't mean I can't still please you, yeah?"

He pulled your leg off of his waist then pressed his lips to your ankle, electricity coursing directly to where you desired it most.

He never broke eye contact, his lips slowly trailing down the smooth expanse of your leg before pausing at your crotch. He chuckled deeply, ignoring it as he moved to your stomach.

You mewled desperately, wiggling slightly. "Baby." You pleaded, nearly breathless. "Please... Don't fuckin' tease me."

"M'sorry, pretty girl. Just let me worship you, yeah? You deserve it." He hummed, completely unbothered. "I deserve it."

He pushed up your tank top, your breasts spilling erotically and...fuck, was that a belly button piercing?

"First year of college. It was a completely lucid decision." You giggled at his stunned expression. "Hurt like a bitch, but I've always wanted one."

"Looks like I'm not the only one with secrets, then." He chuckled, kissing your belly with utmost tenderness and your breath getting caught in your throat. His lips languidly traced upwards, reaching your breasts and burying his face in between them and inhaling deeply.

Now he understood why Jake wouldn't shut the hell up about the way you smelled after asking you out.

His left hand groped one of your breasts, breath stuttering at the wonderful plushness. Then he raised his head, eyes locking intently with yours once more as his tongue flicked your pert nipple. You whimpered for more, more, more--back arching as you eagerly offered yourself to him.

And he just as eagerly accepted your gracious offer, mouth latching on to your nipple. You moaned as he sucked and squeezed, his teeth grazing slightly against the sensitive bud, only magnifying the maddening sensations you had no control over yet had the privilege to be a willing victim to.

He pulled away with a resounding 'pop' before giving your other breast equal devoted attention, his right hand making its descent lower, lower, lower--slipping inside your shorts and his chest blazing at the dampness that greeted him.

"Bloody hell..." He grunted, erection straining painfully against his pyjama pants. He glanced down, his much larger hand cupping your entire pussy. "Wanna fucking taste you, angel. Can I? Please, love, I wanna taste your pretty pussy."

"Y-You don't even have to ask..." You squeaked, completely scarlet from head to toe. "Just take me, baby."

Steven grinned wolfishly, a gleam in his eyes that you've never seen before making your heart skip a beat. Without wasting another moment, he practically ripped your shorts off. He groaned as he saw the wet splotch in the middle of your panties, yanking them down your legs before bringing it up to his nose as a shiver ran down his spine at your intoxicating scent.

Your arousal was flowing down to your thighs, eyes glazed over as if in a trance as you watched Steven sniff your panties like a beast in heat. Then he shimmied out of his pants, your eyes widening as his cock stood proudly; thick and veiny, the tip an angry red and leaking with pre-cum. His fist, still clutching on to your panties, wrapped around his cock as he leaned down to meet your pussy.

Instinctively, you snapped your legs shut, hands flying to your face.

"I-I'm sorry!" You sobbed, briskly shaking your head. "I'm sorry, so sorry! I...I can't, Steven..."

You expected him to be furious, and honestly you'd understand if he was. What you didn't expect, however, was him gently removing your hands and tenderly kissing away your tears.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, love." He assured, his hands massaging soothing circles on yours. "What's the matter? You don't want to continue?"

"I-I do, it's just..." You sniffled, blinking away tears and meeting his concerned gaze. "I'm...I'm embarrassed, Steven. It's just... Y-You know it's my first time, and you're doing amazing, it's just...I'm scared I'm not. I...have no idea what the fuck to do, and I'm not even pretty."

"That's not true." His voice was firm, jaw ticking resolutely. His brows furrowed, expression the most serious you've ever seen it. "You're bloody gorgeous, Y/N. I'm the git who doesn't know what the hell you see in me. And don't fret about being inexperienced, love. I'm so happy that you wanna be with me, and if you'd allow me, I wanna spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

You stayed silent, then your lips curved up into a dazzling smile that had Steven utterly weak in the knees. What the hell were you so anxious about, anyway? This was Steven Grant, the man of your wildest dreams. The man you loved.

"I love you, Steven."

Steven froze, tears prickling his eyes. Something between a sob and a chuckle escaped him, positively beaming down at you.

"I love you, too, Y/N."

He then parted your legs, hands quivering slightly. "I love you..." He crouched down, pressing his lips to your inner thigh. "...so fucking much." His tongue darted out, licking the beautiful stretch marks that lined the supple skin of your thighs.

His tongue slowly wandered up, up, up, and you were scarcely breathing once his face was in front of your cunt. His hot breath fanned against your clit; dark, nearly black eyes fixed on yours.

"Quand je vivais tendre et craintive amante..." He recited in French, smiling up at you. "...avec ses feux je peignais ses douleurs."

When I was a tender and fearful lover, with her fires I painted her pains.

You had noticed earlier the French poetry books stacked on Steven's desk, but goddammit you didn't expect he would quote one while he was right in front of your pussy.

You were sure this absolutely sexy menace of a man was trying to murder you.

His thumb then brushed against your clit, making you gasp. He grinned widely, pushing down on your nub as you whimpered and squirmed helplessly.

"Baby..." You begged, tears pouring down your pretty pink cheeks, and there must be something severely wrong with Steven to find it so enticing. "Pretty please... Fuck me with your mouth."

And how could he ever say no to that? He was merely a loyal, desperate slave for his goddess' wishes. For her love.

And so, like a parched man in the desert, he buried his face in your sopping pussy. You yelped, eyes rolling to the back of your head at the sudden--but very much not unwelcomed--intrusion into your deepest, most intimate part.

Steven's groan of appreciation vibrated within your gummy walls, inching ever so deeper, feeling his nose hit a bundle of nerves. Then his tongue licked a long, slow stripe along your mound and up to your clit. You cried out, a broken, pornographic song that echoed throughout Steven's entire flat.

"Gods..." His voice was low, trembling; one hand yet again wrapping around his aching cock, the flimsy fabric of your panties hugging the tip. "You've no idea how much I dreamt of this, Y/N. Waited for this." His other hand settled on your pussy, deft fingers running along your drenched folds. "Such a good girl, tastes so fucking good."

He puckered his lips, kissing your pussy. And the sounds that accompanied were downright filthy, Steven moaning shamelessly, loud squelches and the heady smell of your sex filling the air.

Slowly, carefully, he thrusted a finger inside of you. You keened, your thighs squishing Steven's head and your hands gripping onto his hair. He then added another finger, scissoring his digits and you knew right then and there that you were losing what's barely left of your fucking mind.

You grinded against him, and he bobbed his head zealously in perfect tandem with you. His tongue lapped up and down, up and down, before suddenly driving it inside your hole.

He was rubbing his cock vigorously, watching you, burning this marvelous moment for all eternity into his memories. And as soon as a third finger slipped in, you were fucking gone.

You screamed, finally reaching that peak and falling over it, seeing stars. You gushed around his mouth, and Steven noisily slurped it all up, not daring to leave behind a single drop.

He soon followed, grunting animalistically as his cum sprayed all over your panties. He collapsed against your pussy, in between the heavenly plushness of your thighs, panting raggedly.

Neither of you knew how long you both stayed like that, coming down from your high, until you sliced through the serene silence.

"Wow... Just...wow."

Steven chuckled breathlessly, looking up at you with your wetness glistening on his lips and chin. "Wow, indeed." He then leaned forward, and you gasped as his lips suckled on the skin right next to your clit, claiming you with a dark purple mark.

"You'll be the fucking death of me, Steven Grant." You groaned playfully, pulling on his hair.

He grinned, crawling over your body before moulding your lips together in a passionate liplock. His tongue entwined with yours and you could taste yourself, your brain short circuiting.

He slowly drew away, gently knocking his forehead against yours as his grin grew impossibly bigger.

"I'll make love to you at the Field of Reeds, then."

[ataleofcrowns]

Chapter 11 Progress [14/MAY]

Hey everyone, it's been a minute since my last update on the blog!! Happy mother's day to all the moms out there 💖

By the time of writing this, I have 40k words written for CH11, and I am both happy and mildly horrified to report that CH11 is looking up to be the biggest chapter yet by a mile. It's very likely the total word count will break through 90k words, primarily due to the LI routes.

First, I've finished the first draft for X's route for CH11 and am mildly exasperated by my inability to properly estimate how long these sections will be.

I thought it would amount to 10k at most, but X's route ended up with 18k words. This is mostly due to all the Imperial Court variations in their opening scene, because I'm a masochist. A single playthrough of X's route is more like 14k words, though, depending on the variations you get.

I'm also close to finishing R's route and have 8k words written for it so far. Their and A's routes will be a little less in word count, since they got more content in CH10, but they'll both likely still be 10-12k words. D's will likely be closer to X's route in word count, around 14-15k.

Altogether, this chapter's LI routes alone will likely be close to 60k for all four. So that leaves the rest of the 30k for the main plot, which I haven't started yet. I literally only have words written for R and X, as well as bits and snippets for A and D so far lol.

Please pray for me so that I can release this chapter in July and give you all a summer miracle 🙏🏼

Anyway, enough about the word count!! I've got some preview posting to catch up to, so beneath the cut you'll find various snippets for X and R's routes in CH11 that were posted on the Patreon.

Hopefully I'll be able to post some for A and D soon as well, once I dig into their routes in the coming weeks.

Here's a small preview of a bit you might see occur across all LI routes, though it still depends on who is appointed to your Imperial Court (and the Lord Samal referenced here is specific to X's route as well):

“Chief Minister, is this allowed? There must be procedure for the appointment of officials—” “It is all at the Crown’s discretion,” Chief Minister Karwan states simply, turning away from the representative again to face forward instead. “But this is highly unusual!” The Minister breathes an exasperated sigh. “Oh, quiet down! Were you not using the same technicalities to get your way a moment ago, you insolent dog?” “Do not speak to me that way!” Lord Samal erupts. “I serve Mîr Behram!” “And I was already serving the Crowns of this Empire when your master was still suckling at the teat!” the Chief Minister snaps. “Now be a good boy and come to heel, we have many more matters to discuss.”

Here's a preview for X's route:

“Why do you have that dagger?” You turn to look at $aname, taken aback by how stunned $athey appears. “$xname gave it to me.” “$cxthey gave it to you?” $aname repeats incredulously, glancing back down at the dagger in your hands. “Did $xthey tell you who it originally belonged to?” “It belonged to someone else?” You assumed $xname was the only one who owned it, but looking at it again, you can notice subtle wear and tear despite its well-cared-for state. Little scratches along its sheath, the edges of pearl looking a little worn along the handle. “Whose was it?” “$cxtheir mother’s.” Your fingers tighten around its sheath in shock, then twitch with the urge to put it away. “$cxtheir mother’s? Why would…” You look down at the dagger in complete disbelief. “Why would $xthey give it to me?”

And finally, here's a preview for R's route:

Your hands reach for $rthem, but then halt and hover in mid-air, uncertain of whether you should even touch $rthem while $rthey’s in this state. “It’s alright,” Perjin speaks quietly from beside you. “You can hold $rtheir hand, if you wish. Your magic won’t cause any problems.”  You take a slow, deep breath, calming yourself as you sit down on the edge of the bed and gently take $rname’s hand in yours. “$crtheir fingers are cold.” Alarmed, you rub $rtheir hand, feeling how clammy and cool $rtheir skin is. You turn to Perjin. “Why does $rthey feel cold? What’s happening to $rthem?” 

That was it for this update ✨

I’m posting further updates and CH11 previews on the Patreon for all tiers, as well as all sorts of fun extra LI/Crown snippets, so if you’d like more AToC content while you wait for CH11, consider pledging!!

As always, thanks so much for your patience and support 💖

[ca-suffit]

I really enjoy your blog and thought you were the best person to come to for two questions I have that stem from a genuine desire to learn. I don't intend this to be inciting, I just honestly don't know the answers (or if there even are answers).

In the fandom, racism is discussed through a verity of lenses (as any important, impactful topic should be), but one lens I don't quite understand is comparing different experiences with more empathy (not sympathy) for one than the other. You've likely figured out I'm referring to Louis and Armand. The conversations and analysis around their respective experiences as minorities in every space they inhabit seem to often lead to what I see is akin to a "trauma competition." Please bear with me as I am truly trying to understand.

Question 1: Both Claudia and Louis have experienced early 20th century American racism and mid-20th century European racism and Armand has not. Armand has experienced 16th-20th century European racism, not 20th century American racism. Do those experiences have to be "pitted" against one another? Could viewers not learn just as much by comparing them and respecting each as their own?

Question 2: Do you think that the tendency of some viewers to lean into "Louis had it worse, Claudia had it worse, Armand had it worse" analysis is because the show runners did not not account for some of the resulting complexities of changing characters' race for their adaptation? No one can account for every eventuality, but I have read posts that rightly criticize some aspects of the narrative/plot points which were not changed from the books (and those scenes involved two privileged white men). So the ramifications of not adapting some aspects of the story itself makes the series problematic in ways that could have been avoided? In your opinion, is that just carelessness on the part of the show runners or is it intentional so that the show has more nuance for us to analyze?

Thank you for taking the time to read this insanely long ask even if you don't answer publicly. I appreciate that your inbox is open. I love reading your and your anon's takes on this fandom and the AMC adaptation as well.

hi and thank u!

Q1: if u haven't seen this post yet, I think this will help explain a lot of what ur asking here.

racial tensions are always going to exist and u will never get a single answer on the "best" approach. listen to as many perspectives as u can and absorb it all. for what ur asking here too, about louis and armand, it's a combination of their personal histories as well as who they are in the stories, what they're doing, *and* how the fandom is treating them.

antiblackness is so normalized worldwide and that's a lot of the struggle here with louis and claudia when compared to anyone else. black ppl never get to be seen as victims. so u have louis and claudia being abused nonstop but ppl are quick to remind u how they're "not innocent either." ppl also come down harder on claudia bcuz she's a black girl/woman and misogynoir is its own whole thing.

armand has his own history and is a brown man, but he's a man who does have privilege in ways over louis and is shown abusing him with it too. it doesn't mean his history is erased. but the fandom will defend (white) lestat first, then (brown) armand second, and....never really defend louis (or claudia).....despite them being the only ones we've seen abused on screen so far. so it's not rly about pitting anyone against each other as it is acknowledging who has the privilege across all these spaces and knowing why that is too.

ppl mainly need to realize that power dynamics exist in everything and will shift according to whatever players are present. acknowledging privilege and understanding what that word rly means goes a long way. I think that word confuses ppl a lot bcuz it makes them think of a v wealthy person with all needs met who never suffers. it doesn't mean that tho. it just means how much do u have to worry about in ur daily life vs the person next to u. white ppl don't have to think about being white bcuz whiteness is acceptable everywhere. straight ppl don't have to think about sexuality bc heteronormativity is accepted everywhere. the more privilege u have, the less u will be able to see it bcuz u never have to think about it. that's what makes white privilege so hard to talk about in the first place, nevermind anything after that.

(anyone else can elaborate on this too, idk if I explained this the best)

Q2: if u have examples of the plot points or scenes ur meaning here, that would help. idk how to answer this as broadly as ur asking bcuz it's p dependent on what's being depicted. I overall think they considered a lot about the race changes tho and have incorporated that rly well into nearly everything about the show.

[velvetvexations]

Hi Velvet! Would like to open this ask with a bit of positivity-- I've been having it rough lately, both in the general life department and my personal issues department, and scrolling your blog really helps calm me down and relax <3 I wish good things upon you, your loved ones, and the community you've built here. I'm really sorry for dumping this super long ask into your inbox, but I'm not sure who else would engage with what I have to say here. And on that note, I'm also extremely grateful to you.

I've been thinking a lot lately on all the "tme privilege" discourse that's pretty much overrun this site and wanted to throw in my two cents to the conversation as a bigender person (male + female). Full disclosure that I'm an AFAB perisex individual, and do not identify with the transmasc nor the transfem label. I haven't personally made any original posts on the topic myself, but I'd like to believe I generally have a grasp on where everyone is coming from.

In the broadest sense, I think holding these kinds of charged discussions during a period in which society is experiencing a collective moral panic over trans people has put a lot of us on edge. It's caused us as a community to forget the base truth that ultimately we are trying to navigate our very personal traumas through these discourses, and our priority has shifted from proactively extending compassion and sympathy to each other to defensively antagonizing and segregating ourselves out of hypervigilance. The natural consequence of such hypervigilance on social media platforms is the creation of an environment where opinions and perspectives are constantly being policed. So to a certain extent, I'd posit that the argument is not so much a direct trans intracommunity issue as it is a online socialization phenomena that intersects with trans digital spaces and our current political climate. As a lot of older trans people (by which I mean 30+) have observed, this is a fairly recent trend in trans discourse, and conversation was typically much more open and less hostile even a decade ago.

In the more specific, rhetorical sense, I can't make heads or tails of the logical throughline in any of the most radical arguments. It is just the case that sometimes lived experiences will contradict each other, and sometimes the things that have shaped one person's suffering will have shaped others' in similar but also very different ways-- it's frustrating that no one seems to understand this. Watering down the nuances of reality to these very clear-cut definitions of what makes up specific types of people's experiences is just strange to me. I am supposed to believe I would be TME despite identifying as a woman who also seeks gender-affirming care that would masculinize her bottom parts. I would love to hear what exactly would distinguish me from the specter of the degenerate trans woman in the eyes of society if I start walking around with a cock and boobs at the same time while calling myself a woman and a man simultaneously. I certainly would no longer be treated as a member of the social class of women, and I most definitely would be excluded from the social class of men. And yet by all means this is supposed to fall under the umbrella of transmasc experiences, despite me not claiming transmasculinity in any way shape or form. If I have physically transitioned and I am a woman, and then experience transphobia in ways that interface with my womanhood, how can that not be called transmisogyny? Then do I call myself TMA? But I was born with the sex designation of female! I was socialized as a girl and wouldn't possibly be able to grasp the depth of the trauma that real trans woman go through… It just goes around in circles. This is also honestly why I find myself identifying much more with intersex individuals than I do with binary trans individuals in general but, man, these circlejerks sure do jerk those circles.

I'm always happy to give people a space to talk about things. There's way, way too much hostility going on between people who should be working together. It's always important work to push back against that and to not swallow what you're told you have to accept as reality. You're doing really good at that.

[smosh-fessions]

this isn't aimed at you btw because I think your replies are actually typically intelligent and you hold every cast member to the same expectations (from what I've seen)

I can't help but notice like subconscious racism within this fandom? I'm not sure what the term is sorry

To be clear I'm not saying this about EVERYBODY in the fandom just the random odd post I see

The people of colour within the cast are typically ignored or treated much harsher than their white counterparts. Now to be clear I do NOT support or agree with any of N, K or C's recent actions however I've noticed that as these situations have played out from their beginnings to now it has has been very different to other controversy centered around white cast members.

Now that's not to say their actions are equal but the AMOUNT of ppl talking abt these situations is very different. Outside of this blog, I haven't really seen anybody talk about the Smosh vs Zombies situation (even when it first happened) and I had to read thru this blog to understand what's going on with Damian.

Then there's Amanda who is often criticised over her personality which isn't too different from other members of Smosh? And the way Arasha gets ignored so heavily within this fandom annoys me to no end, she'll be in a video or a post and the majority of people will focus on other members within it (again, certainly not applied to all the fandom)

There is also typically other issues within this such as misogyny and ableism, but the overarching issue seems to be racism🤷‍♀️

I hope this made sense and my point got through, I'm open to criticism as maybe I'm overreacting but I just wanted to share how I felt

<3 <3

I would like to point out that N's family is from Europe. He isn't a PoC.

-I think the Angela thing was hardly talked about because ableism is so normalized. Someone genuinely had to ask me to explain how and why apnea is a disability because it's just not discussed, so the ignorance is normalized.

-I think it's because Amanda is just a big personality and a lot of people just don't like women who take no shit. It's one of my favorite things about her, honestly.

-Arasha absolutely deserves so much more love. She's so underrated in how funny she is.

There's definitely a race issue at play (in most fandom I've seen, to some degree unfortunately) in the way that, as you said, the white cast members receive the most attention of anyone despite the others also being incredibly talented as well. It's something I'd love to see change for the better.

[wormvill]

January 2nd, 2023

New day! ... Well, technically afternoon. It's 12pm as I begin writing this (haven't even bothered to open the game)... Tom Nook is probably going to be very angry.

Let's get started with our second day on Wormvill!

Also, thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, who happened to be my first follower, let's go!

Opening up the game (2 hours after writing this because I happened to get a little busy) we see our friendly neighbor Tipper walking around with a net, hoping to catch some bugs this snowy afternoon.

Adjusting the clock (it was 2 hours ahead), and saying hello to Rover (who joked about forgetting me after one day) we exit our house.

Rolf was walking around and despite our cranky attitudes toward each other so far, I'm still willing to say hello. We ARE neighbors after all!

...Well, what a good start. What advice does Rolf have for us today?

"As short as you are, you must have some trouble picking fruit off trees, right grrrolf?"

Uhm... I assume he's talking about my in-game character, but Woah. Didn't expect to have my height attacked, which it always is in real life. I wouldn't say I hate Rolf, but man is he not making me like him any more than I do when we first met.

Rolf gives me advice on getting fruit (walking up to a tree and pressing A, or X on my keyboard), and tells me about how to make bells with them.

"Just remember, the fruits are your neighbors too, so make sure to get to them before we do, grrrolf!"

What a friendly guy.

We make our way back to Nook's Cranny, just for Tom Nook to give us another job.

Oh, so he wants us to make a post about his shop? Well, I don't know if he needs to do that...seeming as if he is the only convenience store in town, but I guess why not.

Darn, can't write any bad words on the board. :(

Simple but sweet!

Walking back to Nook's Cranny with my new board message to advertise his shop, I walk inside tired...expecting a new job...

But then...

(animal crossing bumpbumpbumpbump! noise)

I'm free! Let's goooo!!!

Deducting what I worked for, as I'm being unemployed again, I now have a loan of 18,400 bells.

Still a lot of money, but nonetheless, I at least worked some of it off!

And now that that's over with, we can start working off my loan tomorrow. As for now, I'm tired.

Sorry for the short blog post today. I know it isn't as big as yesterday's, but I've been incredibly busy today! Hopefully, we can at least get some of our loans down tomorrow. As for now, it's time to eep!

[feuqueerfire]

I Told Sunset About You Live Blogging

I learned about this back in 2020, around the time 2gether was coming out or afterwards I guess? I had the trailer on my Watch Later because I heard about some gay series with the beautiful title and some appealing tagline. I hadn't even been into BLs or shows much back then and was still curious about it. Yet, it's nearing the end of 2024 and still haven't watched it.

I watched Billikin's How To Make Millions Before Grandma Dies in theatres a few months ago. I've gotta make some time to watch this, man. I don't know whether I'll be tempted to binge or watch 1-2 eps a day, maybe I'll try to savour it.

Ep 1 (Dec 23)

2021 - starts toward the end I guess, when Teh is applying for university

2016 - beginning of their friendship

ah, Oh-aew got offered the role in the school play instead of Teh despite not even having interest in it

Damn, this play is in Mandarin, which they don't speak? no translations? i didn't know kids did plays like that

The scene of Teh doing the moves behind the stage is so good

Ah, they become rivals as both want to be actors

Oh, they stopped interacting and seeing each other

So like 5 years later, he's trying out for university admissions right?

Girl, don't tempt me, if the girl is endearing enough, I'll start shipping the main male lead in a BL with a girl too (a la Love Mechanics with Vee and Ploy lol). Tarn seems cute

friends -> rivals but almost kinda enemies

Ah, another blow up

Dang, Oh tearing up almost

Oof, Teh was first on the list while Oh didn't get in... I guess this is where the studying part comes in that I'd vaguely heard about? Teh decides to tutor Oh to coach him getting in or smth?

Also for a second I was like is Teh gonna say the stuff he said in his interview about what he'd say to his friend? but maybe later on, since they didn't show it yet

They're kinda making up bit by bit but there are still barriers and hurt words from the past

They really do cry a lot. Billikin crying is mentioned a fair amount when it comes to this show but like I wasn't expecting them both to cry this much and this many times in ep 1 lol

Ep 2 (Dec 23)

Teh is so loved by his family, both his mother and his brother. But also where is that airplane ticket to?

Oh is first on the waiting list. hmm would anybody who tried to early admissions by auditioning actually give up their spot?

This recurring Rival Chinese word that Teh is/was obsessed with lol. Oh's "you meant me?" teasing is sooo cute

Rival page -> Intimate page turned

lol not the boob touching convo. meanwhile neither has touched any. delighted at both being virgins lmfaoo

will Teh postpone/cancel on Oh to hang out with Tarn?

cryingggg at Teh being so distracted by the open button on Tarn's shirt showing a sliver of her hibiscus bra

Tarn is so cute, I like her, I hope she's not too heartbroken by the end

tutoring seems to be going well

Teh is so up in his feelings about Oh inviting the whole group to what he thought was just going to be two of them hanging out + Oh telling everybody that's he's a virgin/chaste when he told Teh to not tell anyone. but he doesn't fully even understand why

ah, the Intimate Chinese word now is the focus

ahh Teh doesn't want to be just same as other friends to Oh, he doesn't want to be equal to their relationships. god this gayness

omg??? Oh telling Teh something top secret but it's literally that he likes Bas?!?!

Teh is sooooo excited for Oh and talking about how he'll help Oh lmfao oh girl just you wait

This lunch room scene with Oh and Teh communicating secretly and on their own wavelength about how Teh should get closer to Bas and Teh's fear of both being found out + rejection ahhh

lmfao not Teh saying that he'll be hitting on Oh-aew to observe Bas' reaction to figure out if he likes Oh. And his plan worked! cryinggg

their knee nudging playing in contrast to Oh's fear when trying to get his knee to touch Bas' at lunch and being unable to. like obviously this shows that Oh is more nervous about Bas and has romantic intentions while touching Teh is so much more comfortable and familiar

And now Teh is jealous lol

hm an IG story saying that Teh will be with Tarn every afternoon from now on? in a fit of jealousy? idk girl, are you abandoning tutoring Oh

girl and Teh doesn't even fucking mean it, he just wants Oh to see the story

omg lowkey got scared by the look Teh was giving Tarn

ahhh Tarn kissing him in the end, i love her

why is Teh being an ass to Oh again >:( I guess he's mad that Oh didn't check his story but c'mon

literally obsessed with Teh going all the way to the pier and waiting on the boat and riding the boat with Oh to the destination but not quite managing to speak to Oh. And Oh's the one who comes back to talk to Teh. just such a good way to show the warring factions in Teh's mind + how he's taking action but can't quite follow through with all of it

"Don't give my time to others" from both of them

Crazy, Teh now likes the coconut scent from Oh's hair even though he hates coconut and its smell

Why is everything from the cinematography to the storyline and pacing to the characterization to the acting so good?

Ep 3 (Dec 24)

Teh's newfound obsession with coconut lol

Ah, of course the 2 people who immediately see Oh's story are Bas and Teh

The difference between how Teh didn't want to wake up at 4am to spend time with Tarn vs calling Oh at 4

both Tarn and Oh getting jealous of the other and they don't even know lmfao

omg Oh almost trying the knee thing on Teh but not doing it and writing Secret in his notebook repeatedly

We'll get to see Oh being moody this episode I guess as he figures out that he likes Teh?

ah, Teh texts Oh telling him to let him know when he's home, something he used to only do for Tarn and Oh was kinda jealous about

Oh can't control his smile seeing his and Teh's knees touching

This piano piece as Teh unknowingly loses his mind over Oh sharing a room with Bas is so good

Teh watching Oh and Bas spending time

omg?! the way Oh left Bas' side to come to Teh but then literally kinda crawled the last two inches and was fed a chip by Teh... wild

damn, Oh. Tried to kiss a sleeping Bas but when Bas woke up and asked to spend Chinese New Years together was like hm it's not fun just us two, let me invite the rest of them too

Playing around at dawn and giving each other hibiscus woahh

Girl, you don't know if Bas really likes you?! Be fr, you're just doubting how much you like it

This is crazyyyy T: "You really like someone else? Who? Tell me!!" O: "I think you know." *silence* O: "You really don't know? But I think you do"

Oh asking Teh "and you? since when?" possibly in reference to Teh liking him back?! ah Teh says "I don't know. I just want to be close to you and don't want you to be close to anyone else"

Oh is so bold

noooo my beloved Tarn

I was eating, so didn't say much but oh wow, lots of time together + like kinda progress idk

i can't watch the back scratching and heavy breathing/smelling scene for real, it's currently playing in a little box on my screen because oh my god...

Teh has dodged several attempts at a kiss from Oh

Last ep neither consciously knew but this ep both know that they like each other.

Ep 4 (Dec 24)

I... am afraid to watch this because it is supposed to be sad I think?

ow, Hoon brought his gf and having dinner with whole family + Oh-aew

oh Tarn's translucent shirt which shows her bra today

ahhh her drawing the hibiscus

her pushing her hair back to show her chest/bra omggg okay

omg Teh doesn't even notice...

oh Tarn... :(

okay, Tarn's putting her foot down and putting distance between them okay

but we also have Oh and Bas

ah, the time and effort

dang, underwater kiss... i feel like I maybe knew about it? I'm still afraid for what's coming though, another hour of the ep left

Teh wants to be friends? girl

Feels like a breakup and they haven't even dated fuck thisss

Ah, the bra scene

OH POSTS A PIC OF HIM WITH THE BRA ON IG?!

Dang, telling him right before he's leaving, don't make him miss his flight to go to Oh or smth

girl... I'm scared that this man is not gonna do his confirmation

fuckkkk he didn't sign?! because Oh was 1st on waiting list? girl!!! okay can you still get in with exams, you haven't been studying bruh

Fuck, Teh's mother... T.T

Ah, and now is when Oh-aew watches Teh's IG stories

damn

damn

okay so is Oh still going to take the admission route instead of waitlisted method that Teh basically gave him. In that case, Teh can indeed get in again and get in while Oh doesn’t because for a while I thought since they go to different universities and Oh was given the spot, that means Teh doesn’t make it again. but not necessarily

Ep 5 (Dec 25)

Last episode…

deleted text history damn Teh

Teh blessing Philip but basically talking to Oh lol

Bas scaring me with his blessing

oh Bas why would you say that in public I’m paused right as Bas says I like you with his cute smile bc omg… how could this go well?

girl at the back is fujoing out though

Why is Bas literally confessing

Teh crying watching this confession and even Oh crying and it’s going on forever my goodness

Teh’s teary look of longing as Oh and Bas go outside to sort it out

exam day already

these loud ass fire crackers every damn time

no way their first conversation in weeks? is right before the exams and Teh also finds out Oh and Bas are together

what the fuckkkk he can’t handle it and is just crying instead of doing his exam?? TEH FUCK don’t fucking do this right now, pull yourself together

bro for a second i thought Teh did his answers wrong by 1

also v impressive if he managed to do 92 questions out of 100 if he literally had a crying breakdown at the beginning of the exam

Teh telling Hoon that he likes Oh-aew omg

ah, Hoon being so nice to Teh

girl don’t worry about telling your friends you’re gay and their reaction, they’re fine with Oh and Bas

one of the friends is literally muslim? omg

oh fuck Oh got in?! fuck… wait… wait wait wait ummmm

girl they’re taking so long to show, it’s obvious Teh didn’t get in

ah, second choice instead of first choice

Bas is literally sooo good and kind, I’m sad for him but I believe he can find somebody who loves him and whose first choice is Bas

ah finally they meet again

aw they made up

Overall:

One of the shows that has been on my watchlist the longest, since before I was even into shows or BLs. It was beautiful to watch and you could feel the effort and thought in the storyline and characterization and plot progression and the writing. Really well done, I thought they used their runtime very well. Emotional but I don't think that I'll actually think about this show or characters much. I didn't latch onto the characters or relationship as much as I hoped or other people seemed to but it's still well-crafted regardless.

Rating: 7/10

Things I knew about ITSAY:

some sort of academic rivalry but also tutoring. they're friends to lovers but also not friends

The scene of them in the swing/hammock on the beach but not much surrounding it

the ep 3 not-sex-scene sex scene lol I saw a clip on tiktok about the nuzzling and stuff and then later saw ppl mention ep 3 a lot when referencing it (or referencing something that I guessed was about that scene)

PP's character cries while holding a bra to his chest in a mirror

they don't end up going to the same uni? because seems like from the IPYTM convo that they're kinda LDR. And also either somebody gave up on their spot or didn't give up on their spot or smth like that idk fully

[gooeyotter]

no time left to spend or give (7/29/2024)

Good morning, fellow earthling.

It's a bit of a joke to be saying "good morning" at almost 2 AM as of writing this, but that's how the universe rolls sometimes. I didn't officially "wake up" until after 11 PM, you see. On the night of July 26, I lay in bed for over twelve hours, my mind a chaotic tumbleweed of existential dread and swirling thoughts. My brain felt like a corporate office gone rogue, with every thought a misplaced memo. I suspect the root of this madness might be my recent weed habits—or lack thereof. For two weeks, I had been dosing myself with 25 to 50 mg of THC gummies to numb the relentless ache of a back injury from my day job (well technically I work the night shift, but you're not here for semantics). The first sober night in ages turned my brain into a nonstop ferris wheel of anxiety. I finally crashed around 1:30 PM on July 27, which meant I didn't rise until about 9 PM. Those sleepless hours of mind-wandering and needing to get my thoughts out were the catalyst for this very blog, so there’s some Mundane Supernova lore for you.

The catch? I was exhausted but not quite tired enough to fall back asleep. I had to leave the house before 10 AM on July 28 to catch Deadpool & Wolverine at the AMC with my boyfriend, his dad, and his brothers. By the time I staggered back home around 2 PM, I was so drained I fell into a deep, all-consuming slumber. And now it's Monday, I have to work tonight, and my sleep schedule is a glorious mess. It’s not the first time I’ve turned my life into a sleep-deprivation circus, and it certainly won’t be the last. That’s just my cross to bear.

Anyway, about an hour ago, I was lounging on the backyard patio, jamming out to my phone while waiting for my sweet potato fries to finish in the air fryer. The song Diplomat by Swimming With Dolphins came on. If you haven't checked out this band, I highly recommend it. Even if some of their tracks veer into a bit of religious preaching, their music has that same ethereal, dreamy vibe as Owl City. Fun fact: Adam Young of Owl City helped kickstart the band, though I don't think he's involved anymore.

Diplomat is an anthem for the overworked and underfulfilled. It’s about a high-flying businessman feeling crushed by the corporate grind. The chorus go:

"I'm trying to find the means to living more passionately Cause I'm not who I wanna be Buried in routines, I don't care what happens to me I just gotta get free"

It struck a chord with me, making me reflect on my own workplace ambitions. Like many fellow leftists, I think it’s high time America rethinks its work culture. Living costs have skyrocketed, even in my small state of Oklahoma. It’s downright nauseating. We’re trapped in a reality where an average blue-collar worker like me must either endure endless overtime or juggle a second job just to keep afloat. I’m fortunate to work for a company I actually enjoy, with coworkers who feel like family. But even with a decent $22/hour wage, I’m still scrambling to cover bills. What’s a soul to do? I could dive into even more debt with going back to college or trade school, but high-paying jobs aren’t a given. I could seek another job, but I already sit at the top tier of blue-collar pay in this city. More overtime? Just a band-aid on a gaping wound. As the opening line of Diplomat laments:

"Live to work, work to live No time left to spend or give"

It’s frustrating and disheartening, reflecting on what this says about us as a nation and a culture. I’ve got plenty more to say on this topic, and I’ll dive deeper into my work history in a future entry, explaining why, despite everything, I prefer the gritty reality of blue-collar work over the sterile confines of office life.

Until then, hang in there. Take your PTO, use your sick days, and don’t let your boss dictate your existence.

♡ Nova

[phantomoftheorpheum]

hello! not to go on and on about this but when i first saw the summer school trailer i thought alex aiono wasn’t going to be in the season at all since they showed noa kissing jen right off the bat. you can imagine my surprise at seeing his name in the opening credits. listen, i get that it’s pll and everything is about tension, lies, and deceit, but man did i appreciate shawn being a healthy partner. but they still were able to have moments of conflict!! (around noa’s mom & also shawn’s doping). so i don’t exactly think they were boring but if so then i appreciate boring lmao. and alex aiono deserves better. i need to get over my frustration with all of this and just see how everything unfolds. it is what it is!

hi nonny!

This got kind of long again, so I'm going to place it under a cut to keep the post short on everyone's dash.

I understand the urge to talk about it (I mean, look at my blog just combing through everything and feeling the need to talk about it all), and I think it's totally valid to have loved Noa & Shawn's relationship in season 1 and be frustrated with what they've chosen to do with them in season 2. For a show about teenagers, their season 1 relationship was very open and they actually talked through their issues, which feels pretty rare in tv in general, so I can definitely see the appeal. I never got particularly personally attached to most of the PLL ships in season 1 (obviously I've mentioned how much I love Ash plenty of times), but one of my favorite ships of all time is in a show where they're basically just in a stable supportive relationship for 5 out of 6 seasons. They break up once for a few episodes, but the "drama" of this doesn't feel contrived or forced, and after some time apart they get back together and stay together the rest of the show. I always appreciated the level of communication that ship had, despite the fact that they did face challenges and fundamental differences that they had to work through. I think a lot of people probably found that relationship boring, but I felt really refreshed by it. So anyway, even though I was personally reasonably neutral about Shawn and Noa as a ship from the first season, I can see what's there to really enjoy, too.

I am curious why they have (seemingly) dropped the steroid plot line with Shawn (since, if I remember correctly, it was left unresolved for the audience with him still secretly using them? am I wrong?) and could have been used to drive a wedge in their relationship whenever it came out. If it comes up now, I think it's going to be very confusing for most viewers, because they haven't touched on it at all this season. If Shawn and Noa both had secrets that we were following throughout this season, I think that might have changed the way a lot of people look at this storyline (and the fact that this would have been so easy to do, but they didn't, makes me feel like they want us to forget that Shawn has character flaws, which of course then makes me suspicious of him, and I guess I'm just a little confused as to where this is all going).

I also didn't expect to see Shawn's character at all this season based on the trailers, particularly with the time jump, as that's such an easy way to write a character out. I just assumed he wasn't returning to the show, so I was very surprised in 2x01 when he and Noa were still a couple. I am curious at this point to see where they take these storylines, since I feel like I'm getting mixed messaging between what's on screen, some of the way scenes are framed, and the marketing. Since I'm suspicious of both of Noa's love interests (for different reasons), I am quite interested to see how this all turns out. I don't know too much about Alex Aiono, but it's too bad if his character was essentially sidelined and he's basically just in the background (but if he turns out to be an antagonist, he could have some very fun screen time after the reveal. People always remember a good villain).

Anyway, thank you for your input! I genuinely like hearing everyone's different opinions and perspectives on this, it makes me think about things from different angles. I'm always up for some good faith discussions.

[behindthewox]

Did you know that there is a changelog?

If you've seen the recent announcement about it you probably know about it. Turns out that while I haven't been working very hard on making blog posts (it's a hobby after all), Dan and the Mugs have been working very hard to get things done. So now you know that there's a changelog. It's always been there, by the way, unnoticed by most but diligently reporting on changes and fixes that have been made over the years.

But did you know that there's a feedback forum?

It looks pretty abandoned when you first open it (if you can even find it) and it's not the most intuitive UI out there, but it exists. One of the main issues is that the posts featured are determined by the amount of upvotes, not by recent activity, and it's usually posts that are several years old which makes it look long abandoned at first glance.

If you can figure out how to navigate around the feedback forum you'll mostly see signs of abandonment, some more obvious than others. Looking at the the "active topics", meaning feedback that has been flagged as planned, under review or started, there are posts that are still flagged as under review despite already being implemented. It's a bit out of date to say the least.

Then there are the 900-and-more submissions that are not flagged/categorised by an admin. Again, the posts are automatically listed by most upvotes and the first posts you see are several years old which makes it look like no one's been there in years. You can almost feel the dust in your throat. But if you figure out the filters, you'll find that it is actually still in use! Sort of. It doesn't look very well moderated, and it could definitely use some tidying up to sort out the relevant posts from the all the posts that doesn't belong there in the first place. But people are submitting feedback despite the strange feeling of a long abandoned web forum. The question is if anyone actually reads it...

Constructive feedback

If you ask me (no one's asking me, but let me dream) the feedback forum needs a makeover. It's a tricky project since you either have to discard all the old stuff and just start over from scratch, or you need to invest a lot of time and effort into cleaning up the forum that already exists. A lot of the posts in the current forum can probably be dismissed but there are valuable suggestions there too. Not to mention, it's valuable to show that feedback has been submitted over the years and many of the suggestions have been implemented.

The navigation also needs to be addressed, because right now it's far from obvious how to get anywhere within the forum. I'm somewhat familiar with the feedback forum and I still struggle on the rare occasion that I open it.

Just like with any forum, the feedback forum needs to be moderated. If there are moderators for it, they're not doing a very good job. It should be checked regularly, once a week is probably enough, and as many posts as possible should be flagged/categorised to mark if they're active or not. Responding to submissions could also be worthwhile, showing an interest in what people have to say. You'll need an empathic communicator for this since a lot of it will be dismissing ideas which is discouraging for many, so keep that in mind.

Instructions and guidelines could prove useful. There's a short text box on top of the page which is currently just a welcome message. This is a good place to also include some instructions and/or guidelines. There's already one "rule" mentioned there, to write in English. Why not expand on that? Instructions to check if someone else has already made the suggestion, recommend using keywords, explain that the forum is for all WoX sites and issues that regard individual sites ought to be taken to the site leaders instead.

If people have more ideas, please write in the comments! Or in the feedback forum I guess, but if valuable feedback is submitted and there's no around to read it, is it still valuable feedback?

[abyssalpriest]

On the Name Tengri, 20230622

An extensive exploration of some anxieties regarding using the name Tengri for the Day Sky spirit - 'Day Sky god' to illustrate his immensity if 'spirit' sounds small in your head - I have known since before I knew any of his names, specifically exploring why I choose to use that name despite not working with anyone from Mongolia. A very touchy topic and choice for many people, including for me; it was a choice I didn't want to make. I hope though if you have opinions on my choice that you consider this essay on why I do so. I have to stress the choice to use the name was almost made for me; the choice was a step presented to me face-on to prove I am more willing to listen to him and spirits of nature than incarnated, uninvolved humans regarding the Otherside and working with nature, requested of me in my workings with him. I want to deepen my workings and become more full-time involved with the Sky as I used to be and as such he, my guiding Sun, has provided a test to see if I actually want to listen to spirits or only pursue that which humans already approve of. That is part of the reasoning, the rest follows. This essay exists to explore and lay out what I believe is right to do. On top of this discussion on the name I also explore my memories and workings with him, the Day Sky, mostly from off this plane and pre-incarnation as this life, Dei, as well as what my relationship has been with him so far. The scariest part remains that I haven't let myself look into much of anything regarding this name because I have felt I was out of place and out of line, so I do not know what I am getting into by nature of my hesitance. Hence: The more I ignore this, the more toes I am inevitably stepping on. If I want to let myself be reborn as a part of the Day Sky incarnated though I have to take the step to listen to the Day Sky again.

Obviously since this is posted here, the entity I talk about is the one I know by the names Leviathan, Shiva, Poseidon, etc.

"Why do you claim to work with Tengri? Tell me as if I were the ones you fear, tell me as if I had a sword to your throat. Tell me why you worship me. Defend your territory."

Because from the very beginning, before I knew the names Leviathan, Shiva, Poseidon, as anything more than distant and impersonal stars on the horizon it was about the encompassing Day Sky. I was about the Day Sky. I had an entire blog for Christ's sake documenting my relationship with you and the Day, a thing within which I poured the energy that sprang up from inside me regarding the sky, filled with distant memories of being up there as a sky spirit. In and as a part of the Day Sky I watched humanity evolve from and into specs of nothingness. Time blurs up there, Space takes on Time like it's holding a sleeping lover, with Time becoming more of a suggestion and Space the waking eyes of reality. I watched, non-linearly if you try to map my experiences to human history, arisings of civilisation emerge and emanate and then return inwards like blooming moulds and like the way flowers dance with the Sun - or the inverse, death to birth, since with eyes tied to the Firmament you can See within any direction. All doors in the Day Sky map to the compass and it acts as a doorway to all views. Open, close, bloom, wilt, civilisations ebb and flow even inside the same time frame, and temples to you grow brick-by-brick in blurred tempos and face you like sunflowers.

I've seen civilisations in every period divided more by energy than story-based timing... Late Egypt feels different to Early Egypt to put a name to an example though every civilisation has varied similarity, that's what separates them, time periods are as much a spatial separation as "here" and "there". Through your guidance, your water around my eyes, I see their Gravitational cohesion and their centres of mass, their quasi-souls, these thrumming hive-centres that morph and change like the centipede forms of Time - like you stretched across existence with your hundreds of hands in everything. I've watched with abstracted hawk eyes - two for every feather on my wings - from above the gardens of this Earth bloom and take shape and wilt and die in a slow motion dream of a fireworks show... And we did that together. Spirits of the Day Sky - plural as many more I'm sure had similar experiences - watching the arising and birth and subsequent death of humanity in a photo album of atemporal - but laid out that way for a reason - story beats... 

We were unanimous as the wind dragged into spirals by your wings. You would pull us along like a horse pulls its chariot, like a conductor with his choir at the beck and call of your hands...

I know you because I know you. I work with you because I always have worked with you. You are a force of cohesion in the Day Sky of which I have always been a part. There is no I without You because you have always been a part of where I am from. You are like the water in the veins to us as an animal cell, you are the lightning in our clouds, the Day Sky weaving between molecules, the Sun's Gravitational pull that holds the Day together. And you have been here for eons, you have existed in this blue space since before humans were a thing on this plane...

I have come to incarnate for my own reasons, but I still exist up there and my soul calls out to yours eternally, constantly, as you are that which holds together the thing that I am a part of. Why does an animal beg for meat? Why does a baby cry for milk? Because they are sustained by these things in the way that the animal and baby intake them and they become a part of their bodies. The meat, the milk, it weaves into the fabric of their selves between their ribs and their muscles, it becomes them in the desperate way of... Without these things, there will be no animals, no babies. Without you I am not sustained. There is no soul of mine without the Eternal Blue Sky. I have and always will be a day sky spirit who is in tune with and relies on you and therefore my body will always ache for your presence, no matter if my body is pure inorganic chemistry of Space and Time and blue-lit molecules that is bound by the abstracted letters of your name, or raw meat craving to speak it in its full, vocalised form. Whether I am that uninvoked thing that sits in the womb of your name or I am birthed and screaming for air to say it, I will exist to be in relation to you. Your name will always be either within or without me. Now that I am human, I am squishy, I am incarnate, my flesh-bound eyes and mind and the blood through my veins look back up at you and know you as home.

To the audience, though, because that is what this is about: 

'Tengri'? Why that name? Because you know when you're talking to Tengri. You know, when you have been involved with him, that he is who he says he is. He does not hide behind fake names when he works with you, he has enough power that when you know him, you know he does not need to pretend to be someone he is not. He does not hide. Sometimes he slips through the cracks in Creation yes, lays like an alligator submerged to his under-eye line, stands black in swathes of shadows... But when you are ready to know him you know him. It is so clear through nature spirit eyes that the spirit I work with is, to speak through the human tongue and communal human understandings so you have a reference to understand, the one who came down to you all as Genghis Khan and left a footprint the size of his claws across the entire world when he did so. He is the keen-eyed hawk, the intelligence in the machine, driven, up front, with a presence like a wall of black water. The racing horses, the father in the wilderness, the encompasing slow dream. He is like the hungry wolf's drive and muzzle when the prey is marked for death, the storm of hoofbeats melding together as a song, the storm clouds approaching on the horizon with the sweeping of birds as his eyes before it, the wind as his tendrils reaching out and curling around reality. He is the ecstatic dancing to drums and the flying of the hawk, the opening of eyes on the other side, the illumination of reality. Why wouldn't I believe him when he says he is the one known as Tengri?

He is the immensity of rain - the immensity of water, really, because rain is like the visible form of his compared to all of him that you will never see like the water underground, in rivers out of view, in the plants around us. In your veins. If you knew to look you'd see him there. He is the immensity that has woven itself through humanity's very existence in a myriad of ways whether it is his incarnations' DNA, the Sky and rain cycling through you to keep you alive, the spirit of nature aroused in your mind when you finally grip on to something off this plane, the presence of the Great Sky above that has been eternal since before our conception... He has encompassed humanity since before its birth. But he is to his family also the calm day sky, the Summer's midday, morning, and afternoon, love in its outreaching form. A strict teacher yes, and not one to protect humans from natural laws of nature and its order, but he is still a loving guardian of humans he takes under his wings. To those who are considered his family... He is the imposing and elegant father with a presence of a collective human understanding of what a father is weighing down on us, the small children who observe him. He is the intelligence of eons of study and research, the... I could speak forever. He is the immensity of the Day Sky and all its complexity, the father on the outskirts, the teacher in the wilderness, and expressly, literally, not metaphorically, the Day Sky interwoven with the seasons, nature, weather, and the spirits around. He is Tengri.  

How do I know this is Tengri and not Dyeus? Zeus? Anyone else? They all have their own energies, their own approaches. I do not know every sky deity in general but especially not this life, I was unsure this life who Dyeus was, for example. But I know the one who calls himself Zeus intimately: Electric, wild yet confined, the wilderness overlaid across civilisation so that he is barely one or the other, the law maker, the meaningless (in terms of body language it has no communication) grin behind the folds of Time, the one who wields his staff like a still statue immense and liquid not in the way of water, but like plasma, boiling concoction beneath a barely moving lid, the dust-grey shadows, the black and white static on television screens, the irreconcilable paradoxes reconciled and contained. Madness of storms in the intact and civil titan form of a king. On the surface perfectly poised and orderly but under it the wilderness of nature, and under that poised and orderly, ad infinitum. He interacts with humanity in a similar but different way to the Day Sky that I know - wears a different sense of fatherhood, wields a different sort of Law, enacts a different kind of judgement. Sky gods are not interchangeable in the way that people from one homeland aren't; you may find enough similarities to call them synonymous if you never get to know them, but they remain independent outside of your brash opinions on them. 

If you don't agree with the syncretisations of Tengri - Leviathan - Shiva then I would far sooner erase all my knowledge of him in other cultures thinking I may have gotten it wrong than lie and say I thought he wasn't Tengri, and that's even despite the fact that he's done a lot of work to show me himself in other cultures. Regardless, I'd sooner discard every other name because he showed me himself, in vivid visions and the recreations in his Mental territories, lands that I had never seen before, because this life I have been incredibly out of touch with this planet's linear space I did not know how to recognise Mongolia, Tibet, and similar areas he frequents. I don't come here to sit and relearn geographical maps and histories of this place - nothing wrong with learning that, I'm highlighting that everyone has their own reasons for being here including me and I just have not been in touch with this planet since my childhood. He would show me, though, sweeping areas of land between heavy mountains. Flat expanses of what seemed like bristly wind-worn and desaturated plants, rocks, thin rivers, and expansive heavy mountains arising from them. Nothing like tree-filled valleys between mountains which was all I had ever seen, but spaces where the land gave way and sank under the caress of the sky itself. Hugely empty of cities and villages, a land with such a specific energy...

I've been drawing this setting over and over and over in my art since I was a child. I sit here every time I choose to draw an outdoors background saying "ugh, why does it always have to be plain grassy flat land with mountains, it doesn't make any sense" - even in recent years as I obsess over symbolism and accuracy and detail in art and I want interesting, varied landscapes, I cave to the same open fields and mountains because specifically it feels like home as if it were opening a portal to somewhere specific, somewhere I know in my heart, my memories. Somewhere significant, my body aches for something similar, and I am viscerally aware of the fact that I know, somewhere, what I am drawing. I cannot stop myself. It was only recently I found out this sort of place exists on this plane. Images of Mongolia strike the strangest most visceral sense of normality and aching for experiences I have long forgotten, but know as very, very familiar.

My mind is pregnant with the imagery of this place birthing experiences that are always tied to it, because we - I following the Day - had always been around the area. When I first looked up Mongolia after relearning that name Tengri this life I was shocked, in awe. Like the vivid landscapes in his visions, in his mindspace/Mental territory that I spend time in, like the same repeating landscape that spews from my hand's every time I draw, that dances in my mind as familiar and homely to the point that I had made myself, in his Dreamland territory, a home in an ever-stormy field I came across that was vast flat land between mountains... I can't stress how alien this landscape was to someone who has lived all their years in Australian cities and Irish subburbs. I had never, including online, seen images of anything like what I drew and saw in visions until Tengri reconnected with me in name this life, and what I thought was alien and just my own nonsense was suddenly confirmed as completely grounded. This place, Mongolia as I know now, has echoed through all my interactions with the Day as I know him... And just like the Day repeats in my stories and characters all through my life from when I was born, Mongolia has echoed too. The part of me that knows the Day intimately knows Mongolia well. 

The question also arises that, if that is indeed Leviathan, Shiva, why not just work with those names? Well, technically I do, but I'm taking this question to mean "why not leave the name entirely alone and focus on what you have?" Multiple reasons.

First, but not chiefly: As I was saying, this name and his connection to Mongolia have been playing in my mind since I was a child. He has been meeting me and dragging me to Mongolia in visions, going there with me off-plane too - and he is heavily aware of where he's bringing me and his own reasons of why. Even when he knew I had no clue what this place was, he made sure I saw where we were so one day I would know - purposely setting our meetings in the backdrop of this land since before I knew the name Tengri. Yes, we have met elsewhere, but as a part of his entourage in the Sky... We go where he goes. I remember when I was told this spirit, the Day as I knew him, uses the name Tengri: one of the most vivid takings-over I have experienced, one moment I was being given a set of letters in a name I'd never heard or at least never paid attention to, the next I felt so much awakening in myself and such a visceral awakening of my awareness, threads pulled together within me, bonds being formed between us, bonds between I and the Day, before - and while - I was pulled by him out of awareness of my body for him to stand with him in this land that I had still not seen physically up to this point, and talk to me about his role there, talk to me as Tengri, vividly. 

I am indivisible from my Lord - "Lord" being a human roleplay with him, nature has no Lords - my connection to him has always first and foremost been through him as the Blue Sky. My conscious awakenings in this life have been mostly sky blue, my energy sings with it, my soul is interwoven with it. He teaches humans the art of communicating with spirits and how to work with the weather and nature itself, with spirits on the other side; he teaches how to dress yourself in the parts of and become animals and make boats in the form of tools of their bodies to move within, to travel between worlds, to understand dreams and walk with them; he teaches spiritual laws, physics, mathematics, science, cosmology... An intellect further reaching and more interwoven with reality than even the blue sky that we see above us - the Day Sky's intellect stretches through so much more than the molecules above us that science would dictate as the boundaries of our atmosphere. He teaches awareness and awakening like the rising sun illuminates everything around us... 

Second reason as to why I use that name, and chiefly: To him, Tengri is not just a name and Mongolia is not just yet another place he has been called to by humans. It repeats through his expressions, his vision imagery, it reflects heavily in the human appearance he takes that echoes so thoroughly his people there... Which means it is a heavy part of him. Even when I sit with him in the human form he takes and talk about the most mundane and non-Mongolian things, Mongolia is written, stitched, into his features. To claim to love (this spirit) and ignore him as Tengri and to ignore Mongolia would be akin to claiming to love your spouse but refusing to visit his foreign family, to eat their cuisine, to partake in their customs while you are in their house. Metaphorical, please remember, I am not partaking in any customs and culture other than what I am told to do by him, which may possibly be recognisable to people there but will never be Mongolian. I can never claim that path, nor is it what I'm here to do. It is not about inputting yourself in a foreign culture, it is about respecting the ones your family is a part of when you are interacting with that family. He has been family to me since before I was born and as such I will respect and acknowledge his family.

I will never walk the path of a Mongolian shaman and I will never walk the path of anything Mongolian full stop. I will likely never step foot there on this plane. If I were supposed to be Mongolian this life I would've incarnated there, if Tengri wanted me to go the full experience of working with him solely under this name he would've brought me there. I will never claim to know "Tengri" in the way they know him, because "Tengri" by right of it being their name for him is inherently their understanding of him and their connection to him, it is shorthand for both he and them. In this life I am Australian and Indian so Shiva is the emanation of him that I will study and tie myself to, the blue-throated, sky-clad one who eternally pours down water on to Earth through his hair, the ascetic storm on the outskirts, the howling one, the master teacher, the consciousness awaking in all of us. But I love him beyond names, I have followed him since a time and place before names - I have known him since we existed in a place with no mouths to speak names - and I have had the honour of being exposed to his home in Mongolia so I will, 'til my dying breath and beyond it, always respect Mongolia's weight on his and therefore my existence and have a deep respect for her people and his family there - and I am in a time and space now where names are a very beautiful and important form of marking relationships and connecting with those around you - which is what I express when I say "Tengri". "Tengri" is him and it is his connection to them, to honour "Tengri" is to honour that connection. To say that the Day Sky is Tengri is not to say I dictate who is and isn't Tengri and what Mongolian people believe and don't believe, it is honouring that I believe them when they say they know the Day Sky, that they know he is very real, and they have worked with him for enough generations to confirm that he exists both on the other side and on this one. I believe them wholeheartedly. The Day Sky you live under is an ineffibly wondrous and vital thing. 

Of course he taught those in a land he calls home his vital arts and if I want to truly follow him, I should acknowledge that. If I really want to work with him and learn from him this lifetime, to love him as fully as I want to do, I need to respect his home. It boils down to that. He can be very distant until you form a bond with him, he teaches those that mean something to him his arts, therefore in a way to me "Tengri" is an understanding of the human bonds to the Day Sky to the point he is attached enough to be willing to teach us his ways. I say this now, this far through the essay, because that thought will always come second to the understanding of that name as being the one Mongolia gives him.

To worship "Tengri" is not the same as worshiping (insert name that I call him personally). Firstly, because it isn't really worship, we have a working relationship built on what we both need and want from each other. I don't bend the knee to him, the 'Unordained Priest' roleplay I take on is purely that, fictional roleplay. It helps me learn to trust again, it is him guiding me to take back symbols that were stolen from me, to let myself be reborn - a very slow process for a spirit, slower than the 9 months of gestation - into myself, to translate myself from the egg and sperm of Day and Earth into a medium, 'priest' in my cultures' tongues, between the two like every one of us are. The words and names we play with like 'priest' (and "Tengri") are a code he inputs into my energy to wake me up and assist the birthing process. But outside of the blog I run I talk to him like any other friend or family member, most of whom are spirits as well, although I can never hide the deep adoration I have for him, something that runs so much further than a human idea of love and infatuation into an eternal lived-in gratitude and acceptance of him as, in a way, my Source as he is for many others.

That "it's not worship" part aside, and with the understanding of worship as to be devoted to, to work with, to revere and love deeply: to "worship Tengri" is to walk into the house of a lover as a guest, to greet their mother by the name in their tongue used to call to a beloved family member, to eat their food, to listen to their music, play their games, and leave all that at the door when I walk out. In this case... I do not enter the house, I do not pick up the cultural habits because I don't live around anyone from Mongolia who could show me that. My entrance is as far as the door of the name and the silence between he and I in his empty house where we dance to his culture, his introduction to what he wants from me. I eat his food, listen to his music, etc, in a house that usually has his family in it but I do not get to meet them.

I do not claim anything because I was incarnated where I was and as who I am to always, now, from the other side, see him as an outsider. Where once he was home, home is now very far away on the other side of a wall only death can transgress. To worship "Tengri" is a temporary endeavour of the heart with a temporary name only invoked to pay respects to all of him that is expressed in that name, and those families on Earth in Mongolia who he endlessly adores and spends so much time with. It is an acknowledgement of the ways he expresses himself since he expresses himself differently under each name, and of my inherent, unshakeable connection to him as the Day Sky, of a lifetime of seeing this place with my workings with the Day Sky, and of the sheer force of impact that land has had on my psyche. It is a way to pay respects to both him and his people. And it also a declaration and a reminder of what no longer is and where I do not belong, where he ends and I begin, where we do not connect. It is a respect for all of these things, presence and absence, love and longing, rights of my births and the things I respect that I am not allowed to touch.

Of course, I cannot avoid that chiefly the reason I use that name is: Because he told me to. He is the one who showed me himself as Tengri and what that means to him and said that I should trust him and do so, because at the end of the day I am here (partly) for him explicitly, and to work with him on this plane from the other side; I will one day die and return to him so there is no point putting my own anxieties of etiquette and temporary human discomfort above serving him. I would never want to upset the people who formed that relationship with him under that name in general but especially since they are indivisible from my soul's love, but I cannot claim to serve and learn from him - I cannot claim to respect him - if he tells me to do something and I ignore him and sit here waiting for other humans who mostly are not even related to his worship and Mongolia to tell me that he has permission to teach me. Who is actually in charge if that's how I treat him?

If I really respect the people who worship him - the Hindus, the Egyptians, whoever it is that has met the Day Sky and has brought him into their society and mythos with a name - would I not respect the spirit that both they and I know understands them and would not just willy-nilly start asking foreigners to do something that harms these groups? Because I do not work with impulses, ideas, I do not only work with tarot cards with vague meanings. I am not presuming he has approached me, not drawing string lines between possible signs and looking up on Wikipedia who it might be. I travel across planes, I speak with him in languages humans don't know as well as ones we do know, I act as one of his black wolves, I fly in his skies. I have seen things of him and been in places where many people who work with him (globally, not talking about any specific place) could not follow by right of our Day Sky connection. I have rejoined him this incarnation on the other side to bring storms, rain, he has shown me how to meld my consciousness into the weather system... He and I reconnect constantly. I explicitly talk with the form he takes to be understandable to humans, and I also communicate as a sky spirit with him in ways most humans would not understand.

I am not presuming he said anything based on simple signs and gut feelings - I have heard his infinitely vibrant voice growl the name Tengri and let its talons dig into my flesh, an eternal sky burial taking place synonymous with my constant birth into this incarnation. I have played with him as a little spirit in the immense churnings of his wings, I have walked with him. I do not presume, I find out. I have found out. He has spoken, and continues to do so in English translated through the strings of my brain's workings as he roosts his consciousness within the parts of it I cannot even comprehend, in spirit languages, in changing the weather as he walks and talks with lightning flashes punctuating revelations, telling me to go outside to sit with him as a blue-sky storm starts as soon as I walk out, rain coinciding immediately with his emotions, his energy filling the space from the ground to the top of the sky - and below and above it. He speaks through everything and I do all in my power to intricately rewrite myself so that I speak his language, his intricacies, his suggestions, his body language (whether body means the forms he takes or the sky itself), his symbolism - I do everything within my power to clarify when I dont understand so that I can be an increasingly more accurate translator of his impulses. It becomes a matter of: Do I really respect these people if I have proven that I have their god in front of me and kick him to the curb, deny him his autonomy, and say "no, if you really were who you were you'd stay in your territory so clearly you're a disrespectful trickster"? Is that really respecting Mongolia?

I am here to anchor him on to this plane - since before I knew his name I knew my purpose this life is "to reconnect people and the sky" - and to strengthen his connection with humanity, and therefore I need to actually shut up and listen to what he wants me to do, and if that includes using that name when many western people would say that Mongolian people would find it disrespectful... Well. I don't trust people in my country to speak on Mongolia, and I cannot bring myself to disrespect and throw out the Blue Sky above them on the off chance I am making a huge mistake... If I am making a mistake, so be it. The forces that be can teach me; I am Hindu in a near-official sense, Karma will bring me back where I need to be in the next life and I will try again. But he is the one that taught me what I said above: That this is respect for his family and his connection to them. This is about honouring them as a group, honouring Mongolia, and if I were to be Mongolian in practice or culture I would have been born there so I will only ever do so in the peripherals. He teaches that. I am not claiming anything but expressing respect for who he is.

My job is to reach into places he does not have many eyes and see for him, I am, this life, wandering from where I usually incarnate so that I can be a part of those who re-sow his annual seeds where he needs things to grow... And to know where to wander you must remember were you have been and therefore no longer are. To know where he needs me is to know where he has many, many people who have him connected to his Earth. I know Mongolia because I am sure when I am done this life I will make many appearances with him there again, but for now, I honour Tengri. I honour that place far across the land and sea. To the people there: You have all known my Lord well and meant the world to him and I can only hope that I become a fraction of that important to him, and I hope, if anything I ever do in any butterfly-effect way has any input and impact on those of you who know Tengri that it is at the very least a neutral one, but oh do I wish it would bring positive effects. The dream would be, in a world where that name is falling into the mouths of Nationalism, to bring some sort of balance back between the nature he is eternally a force in and us, the incarnated human race. The family of the Day is always going to be a distant and admired set of people in my eyes. 

In this life, I am eternally called to working with the spirits of the sky and the weather. I am physical but I am also, when I leave my body, and even within it, always dancing with the sky and its people. The spirits of nature speak my mother tongue, I want to get back to learning how to communicate with them physically so I can continue my work for Tengri and help anchor him where I live now, and everything else that is my job that is for no one's ears but his and our families'. I want to keep walking between worlds, he helps me with my wolf form, my reptile and bird forms, helps me fly in the sky again as a dragon, to be a part of the choir of cells of weather spirits that sing for him when he grows closer; he shows me and teaches me to remember who exactly I am and what it means to be both human and spirit in one form. In these ways and parts of my practice, the name Tengri is more pertinent than that of Shiva - of course my main path is non-dual (- meets dual, paradox is important to me) Shaivist Tantra and awakening to my true self... But the act of communing with the spirits of nature around us and working with them... I will never know exactly what is done in Mongolia, but given that each name invokes a different side of the spirits we work with, invoking the Blue Sky Tengri... He taught me to reach for this energy of his for a reason.

When I speak of the Sky in an active way and in the way of crossing the borders between worlds and interacting with the weather, he approaches me steadfastly as Tengri, that name he blurs upwards from outside of me through the inside of me, he tells me to use it and mean it, to call on him like that. I am still new to this, I don't fully understand why and I never will given the infinite complexities of him that have splayed out over thousands and thousands of years, but especially now I do not know why this name in particular is to be used beyond what I have said. I don't know what people in Mongolia call on him for, but that is why I am learning. At the very least I understand the sky in many forms: When you need rain you do not call him blue sky you call him grey clouds, when you need him as a storm you call him storm. When I sit and talk advaita he is the same sky but he talks of himself as consciousness and god, Shiva, when I talk Day and weather, the heavens... I will call upon him as Tengri. Whatever the reason is for entrusting me with that name in my mouth he is my teacher, I follow him to the end as the rain follows the wind, as the thunder follows the lightning, singing whatever name in whatever song is needed to praise him and get his attention turned on to me.

[theeccentricmrwinter]

maybe if you watched more cocomelon you'd have more empathy for people who go on anon. you're learning and growing but also you're being really toxic rn and i can't let that slide tbh

Hey there.

It appears you are mistaken about my anon policy.

There's a reason I leave it on. Several reasons, actually. Because I do care and accommodate those who want to use it for whatever reason.

However, if all you're gonna do is use the anonymous feature to send hate my way, I believe I deserve the right to call whoever is doing so a coward. Anon hate is not a new thing to me, or to this site. It's a big reason a lot of blogs have turned anon asks off, or just turned asks off altogether.

I, however, believe in practicing what I preach. The ability to take what you dish out. If I can throw insults at people, they can do the same to me, and it's the same the other way around.

So, anon, you must understand that, when I kindly leave my door open so that people may enter, and they choose to use this chance to barge in and yell insults at me because I disagreed with someone that isnt them on a very minor issue with an overall correct argument, why am I in the wrong for hurling insults back?

Is it because you don't like insults about anons in general? Because I make it clear that it's just hate anons that get this kind of treatment, because you should at least have the gall to show your face when you try to shoot me.

Is it how deep I rip into people? Because I find it only fair if they shoot first to hit back, and harder. Most certainly when they hide themselves under anonymity.

Or is it because these anons are your friends? That you somehow know them, despite them being anonymous?

Maybe it's the same reason I replied to that post in the first place, to defend someone who may have came off as brash and harsh, but hopefully meant well.

However, I quickly run out of patience when all good faith arguments have been thrown out the window for a goo barrage of "fuck yous" from people "banned for being based", or people who throw my point in my face and expect me to be mad about it.

Because you're right. Maybe, somehow, if Cocomelon is children's programming meant to instill long-lasting lessons of morality and various other things a child needs to learn, while also not being too condescending towards the viewers (as older audiences who may have forgotten what lessons these shows have to teach may not sit happily throigh them, and also it's not cool to condescend to children unnecessarily), than yeah, I have no choice but to agree.

However, I think my empathy levels for anon users are just right. Fully empathetic, unless you use that tool to try and hurt someone, in which you have lost all sympathy from me, because of my own internal policies that dictate who I deem as good and who I deem as bad.

But even ignoring my moral compass, if you seriously advocate for people to use anon to try and hurt others, and think my ripping into people who do this is wrong? I don't really want you around anyway.

The only reason I haven't ripped into you, dear anon, is that I try to take the best approach I can with things like this. Maybe, you mean this genuinely. Maybe you're a mutal who I care deeply about seeing on my dash. Maybe you're just someone who enjoys my reblogs. I value all above myself, that's for sure. So I want you to know, anon.

I don't try to hurt people who I deem as innocent. I try my best to take a positive approach when I can. In fact, usually, I don't do more than scroll and quuck-reblog posts.

So I hope you trust me when I say things like; I don't harbor any malice towards the OP of that one post everyone has issue with for some reason. I even agree with his main point, I just feel like if you're gonna dig into a very popular show, expecting backlash is reasonable. I made a comment that I figured was repeated already (which it was), and would be ignored, and the fact that it wasn't sucks. But I also made something that can result in backlash. And I received alright. But that's alright, because that's how getting in a fight works. I'm just left wondering why a bystander, who hopefully has good intentions, is objecting to the guys that are fighting online trying to find every aspect to make fun of their opponent.

I gotta cut this rant off somewhere, so here's where I leave it: If you're really serious about my inherent toxicity towards those who use anon to hide their face to try and hurt me, please message me so we can work this out if we're mutals and/or if you're brave enough, or keep sending anons, because i do respect privacy in delicate matters. I'll call ya tbh anon if ya choose that route. However, if this is just another person throwing words I've used in my face to try and make me mad, you have failed. I'm just disappointed in myself that I put so much good faith in you. But hopefully you meant well.

Til next time, tbh anon. Be seeing you,

Snow of the Cat Cafe System, AKA The Great Canadian Kbitty