#Where are all the hotdogs?
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"NO! You cannot roast a hotdog over the Commander's personal portal to hell!"
"For the hundredth time it's NOT a portal to hell, Taimi!"
#spawned from a discord convo where mootie wanted to ??? roast hotdogs over Mael ??? bless you you absolute freak#Also Taimi insists it's a portal to hell and keeps trying to get him to let her study it but all the cameras and devices she passes through#just disintegrate. As is the issue with pocket dimensions to avoid breaking lore Too Much by allowing the party to#no-clip items out of existence via Mael I've just made it so mundane items get destroyed and magical items get repelled#the only things that go both ways are his shadow weapons#But yes. that fire is VERY cold. one way to deep freeze your 'dog#gw2#guild wars 2#shitpost#sylvari#gw2 sylvari#gw2 oc#gw2 commander#gw2 necromancer#quen's ocs#Maelmordha#too much effort for a no-ref shitpost lmao#also another perspective fail in my portfolio 😎#commander's shitpost folder
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anyways uh. there are apparently a Bunch of shops I didnt knie existed
#what is a best buy. and a hobby lobby. a lowes and a home depot. All of these do NOT sound like trademarks but they are?? to me they dont i#like I have a.. basic idea on what they are. cotsco I know has uhhhhh Hotdogs I saw a matpat video on it once#hobby lobby jt was where th christians go or smth. right#and also bass pro shops I only heard lf it bc of a ppst I stumbled upon that was lime “REAL MEN smoke WEED inject TESTOSTERONe and FUCK IN#-THE BACK OF A BASS PRO SHOPS PYRAMID”. YEs ut was how I discovered it exists#for walgreens all I can think of is like. Some green version of walmart idk lmao?;only heard of it#sonic is also a pizza thingy(?????) . Does jt have the hedhehog tho.oh also home depot Yeah idk what that is. Lso only heard of it. yeaa#like there are sone I know More abt (wendys 711 and walmart). apparently they even used to sell here but. Stopped?;
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do you have any thoughts on muffet x grillby?
not really, but thinking about it on two feet, they'd make a fine enemies to lovers pairing to hold up a really dumb crackfic about the annual fundraising bake sale at tori's school
#why is grillby's part of the bakesale? he is literally a pub owner? whatever is funniest#they have strongly opposed business practices. considering the fact that grillbz allows tabs at all and muffet is... like that#sans is also at the bakesale. he's still selling hotdogs. he ''cooked them in the oven. that's baking''#that's the official excuse. truthfully he's just here to hang out with Tori. and be a troll#yeah i don't know where i'm going with this i'm just talking#undertale#answered asks#grillby#muffet
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Some more Yon crops (I can’t stop drawing him lately)! \o/✨
#yamsart#yon#dnd character#I’ve been so quiet lately cos all I’ve been doing is steeping myself in the Yon brainrot#i love him and his ketchup/mustard eyes…… hotdog eyes as I like to call them#tumblr is the place where I dump my oc work now huhuhu
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matsukawa issei the type of guy to eat while he walks. like yeah he could sit down but maybe he’s got places to be and if the craving strikes who is he to ignore it. he does all the normal ones like corndogs or things on sticks and he’ll drink a smoothie while he walks or eat the occasional fry out his takeout bag like that’s nothing to crazy. but . But. it doesn’t stop there. he’ll eat an entire burger on the go like pop it out of the bag in the middle of the sidewalk. if he’s carrying a pizza somewhere he eats it en route opens the box grabs a piece closes the box both hands full slice folded like a taco. he’ll eat shit out of tupperware containers with a fork while walking like salad noodles you name it the lack of a table is Not getting in his way. even driving his car at a stoplight he grabs a dinner plate and chopsticks from the passenger seat beside him and chows down till the light turns green. he does not let the haters stop him he will hold eye contact in the middle of the sidewalk unashamedly eating while he walks.
#it pisses tooru off hiro thinks it’s ridiculous iwa usually asks if he’ll share#often the food just seemingly materializes like suddenly he’s eating a hotdog tooru ‘Where did it come from.’#his metabolism is fucking monstrous burning through food at the speed of light he has to eat all the time or so he tells hiro#i have personally witnessed people doing all of these things#onigiri. spaghetti. ice cream sundae. nachos. sushi. party size bag of chips. mango. soba. fried chicken. kebab. salad. nothing stops him.#haikyuu#seijoh 4#matsukawa issei#hanamaki takahiro#matsuhana#oikawa tooru#iwaizumi hajime
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this is let grief do its work, a fic (currently unedited rip) I started as a kind of sister fic to hand on my stupid heart, another fic I'd written earlier and uh. yeah. you guessed it. haven't finished. I'm working on this on the side, Flying Over the Pit of Death + its sister fic & my original novels being my main focuses right now. I will most likely continue lgdiw sometime in the future, it just isn't my main priority. Like all of my fics, this idea is free for anyone to take & run with. if/when I finish this fic, the edited version will go on ao3. For context: this is just a prologue of sorts, depicting vaguely what is happening on the human side of the Portal the month after the Accident. On Danny's side, he's been chillin' in the Ghost Zone, where he ended up after half-dying, believing he's fully dead (he's not) & only realized he's still alive after it was too late for him to tell everyone what happened cuz like, awkward & embarrassing lol. HOMSH takes place a year later, when things come to a head. I feel it's important to reiterate that, although Danny isn't actually dead, the characters think he is & act accordingly. okay author's infodump note complete, fic under a readmore
“when they first go, let yourself think every selfish, no-good, dirty, angry, filthy, horrible thought. let the waves of anger wash through you. let grief do its work.” ーCaitlyn Siehl; Grief Counseling
On the first day, Sam had thought that, maybe, Danny was just busyーtoo busy to answer their texts, and their calls, and everything else. But then Tucker called her. It was a horrible game of telephone at first. Danny’s parents told Jazz, who told Tucker, who told Sam, and that’s how the communication went for two days until she and Tuck had enough.
They went to FentonWorks, the big, ugly building on the corner of Mockingbird and Cedar, and were surprised to find no one home at all. Not even Jazz. And, for the first time since they’d known the Fentons, the doors were locked. And when they tried to talk to Jazz later, they would find that they’ve officially filed a police report.
ー
Danny Fenton is missing. The last time Sam talked to him she was making fun of him, for being too scared to go check out the Fentons’ new Ghost Portal. She knew he was freaked out by stuff like thatーby ghosts. Now she doesn’t know if she’ll ever see him again.
There’s just no way. He can’t be gone. She literally saw him on Saturday. His empty seat in homeroom on the first day of school is the thing that does it. There’s this gap in the desks where he should be, but he’s not. Like he’s already haunting her.
It makes her sick. Everythingーeverything in her head, everything she knows. Despite what Dash and his asshole friends say, Danny wouldn’t run away. And the longer a person is missing, the more likely it is that they’reー
Sam doesn’t wait for the bell. She leaves Tucker in homeroom, goes straight to the bathroom, and wipes her face down in the sink, water turning black. Suddenly, everything macabre, everything dark and creepyーit just disgusts her.
She goes home early. No one even says anything, not the school, not her parents, not Tucker. Alone in her room, Sam starts to shake. She sobs once, something seething just under her skin. She stalks over to the wall where most of her horror movie posters are taped and starts tearing them down, one by one.
ー
Danny Fenton has been missing for a week, and Tucker, staring at the sweater his best friend forgot at his house, laid across his computer chair, thinks he’s starting to feel it.
Opening his phone, he feels it again. Looking at his texts, he feels it again, and again, and again.
Saturday • 4:47 p.m. Danny Phantom: xD Danny Phantom: not playing tonight, ghost portal opening night 👻 Danny Phantom: can play tmrw tho Too Fine: hell ya txt u then Danny Phantom: 👍 Sunday • 10:20 a.m. Too Fine: yo still up 4 doomed Too Fine: dued Too Fine: dude* Too Fine: you there Sunday • 10:21 a.m. Too Fine: txt me when you wanna play Sunday • 11:58 a.m. Too Fine: you up?
Tucker lets his phone fall on his bed. He doesn’t bother checking in with Sam. She’s been out of school and ignoring him for the last three days. It’s almost been a week sinceー
He gets up and stumbles to his chair. He sits down, careful not to mess up Danny’s NASA hoodie. Tucker turns on his desktop, types in his password, checks his emails. He messes around for as long as he can before he literally cannot take it anymore. He just can’t ignore it.
God. His best friend is gone. Is he coming back? Is heー
It’s like something inside his chest cracks. Without thinking, he pulls the NASA hoodie into his lap, and then over his head. It’s been here too long. It still has that smell of ozone and copper on it, though.
Tucker leans back in his chair and stares at the wall.
ー
Danny was home. That’s the thing. The last time Jazz saw him, he was inside the house, and she never saw him leave. He must have, at some point. She has no idea why, or for what, but he must have. It’s the only rational explanation. Danny left. Something happened. He never came home.
She feels the panic rising, gripping her throat again. She puts the candle down on the bleachers. Wipes her face. Whoever is speaking to the crowd of students holding vigil is a mess of white noise in her ears. It doesn’t help. It should and it doesn’t. A lot of things are the opposite of what Jazz knowsーthought they are.
She almost wishes it had just happened at home, been a little less drawn out.
As soon as it pops into her head, she feels sick, disgusted at herself.
But no one goes missing this long and lives. A very small percentage do. And if it had been some accident in the lab, like she always feared would happen, at least they’d have a body to mourn. At least they would know.
ー
Sam’s parents pretend they aren’t happy. They have to look worried, grieving, because what would the neighbours think if they didn’t? She can see through it, unlike them. They always hated the Fentons. They always hated Danny. They always hated Sam’s fascination with the macabre.
Well. They got what they wanted.
It’s like he’s in everything. She isn’t even looking for him, and he’s still there, still everywhereー
Sam rubs her eyes on her sleeve before she can properly cry. There’s no body. He could still come back. A month is a lot, but he could stillーhe could show up. Someone could find him alive. He could be alive.
Her parents look at her from across the lavish, stupidly large, solid wood table. She should know what type of wood it is but it’s like the information is behind a fogbank. She can see the silhouette. She just can’t make it out. Mom places her cutlery down neatly, dabs her mouth with a cloth napkin, and clears her throat.
“Sammy-kins…” She starts, and the rage inside Sam bubbles up like lava bursting through rock. “There’s been… We…”
She looks to the side for help, from dad. He looks incredibly awkward for a moment before turning to Sam with an expression she hasn’t seen since grandpa died.
“Saman… Sam.” He says, simply, slowly, and the lava in Sam’s gut turns cold, and heavy. “They’ve found evidence that has given them reasons to believe that… your friend is gone.” He’s never spoken this softly. Ever. His voice is barely audible above the blood rushing in her ears. “They’ve called off the search.”
ー
Tucker didn’t expect nightmares. He wakes up and he panic-cries into his pillow and hopes to whatever god or deity is listening that ghosts in dreams aren’t real. He can’t explain the fear. Everything is incredibly normal, more normal than his dreams ever have been, and then Danny walks in.
He would give anything for this to happen, right now, in real life. He’s afraid, though. In his dreams, a sheer terror overcomes him. He can’t get away fast enough. He can still hear his own voice echoing in his head. “You’re dead! You’re dead!”
It’s a wrongness he can’t quite graspーor doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to be afraid of his best friend. Tucker wants him back so badly. But his brain knows the truth, even if Tuck is digging his heels in and refusing to budge.
Someone knocks on his door, and he tenses.
“Tucker, sweetie? It’s…” Mom takes a deep breath. “It’s time to go.”
He grits his teeth and shoves his face into his pillow so hard he can’t get air. He stays like this until he can’t. He gets up.
Tucker walks across the floor like a zombie, barely aware of what he’s even doing. He manages to put on the suit his mom put out for him yesterday, and goes downstairs. He refuses breakfast. The three of themーmom, dad, Tuckerーgo out to the car, and drive to his best friend’s funeral.
ー
Jazz stares at the closed casket. There’s a pair of police officers out of uniform, or maybe detectives, standing in the corner by the photo album laid out on a table looking haunted. Aunt Alicia, uncharacteristically wearing a plain, black dress, sits with mom and dad at the other side of the room. Jazz stares at the casket and she tries to imagine that it’s not empty. That it isn’t making her scream inside with the frustration of it all. Her baby brother is gone. They couldn’t even find him. And probably never will. Because that’s how these things end.
Tucker walks into the room. Dark bags circle his unfocused eyes. His parents are right behind him, his father’s hand on his shoulder. Tucker looks at the casket. He turns away, catching sight of Jazz, and when his parents break off to meet hers, Tucker walks over.
He picks at his sleeves. Says nothing. Jazz tries to pick at the grief counseling she knows she’s studied for fun, but finds herself falling short.
She doesn’t see Sam or Mr. and Mrs. Manson walk in, but suddenly they’re there as well, smiling tightly and giving their condolences to Jazz’s parents. Sam doesn’t walk over. She stands in a corner and stares at a wall with purpose.
Jazz breathes slowly, willing her heart to stop pounding. She counts the stages she can see in front of her.
Too much Acceptance, all from strangers who never even knew him personally. She glances at Dash Baxter, tugging on his tie and looking annoyed. She can feel Anger in her. But also Denial. Bargaining. Depression.
And somehow, Acceptance, too.
They’re not stages. She never really got that before. You feel them all at once, all the time, and they don’t go away. The intensity changes, turning from a background hum to bright bursts of emotion at any little reminder.
She looks at Tucker out of the corner of her eye. She wonders if he’s feeling that way too. Being bombarded by the stages of grief in a way no one prepared them for. Is this why mom and dad never let them get any pets? Besides Danny’s gerbil, which promptly disappeared before she could even get used to the rodent’s smell. What happened to it? Was it rehomed, or is its body still somewhere around the house, unfound, unlooked for?
The stages start over, skipping between Depression, Anger, Denial, the emotions falling over themselves. She wished the cops would leave.
Not soon enough, it’s over. The funeral home employees usher them out, the rooms and halls now empty. The drive home is simultaneously the longest and shortest ever. She stares up at the brick and all she wants to do is sleep. She heads inside intending to do just that.
She takes her shoes off at the door. Mom and dad take off their jacks and move to settle in the living room. Mom is holding a tissue to her eye. Jazz hesitates for just a moment.
Should she do something? She feels like she should do something, anything. She wants to suggest therapy. She’s afraid to open her mouth, though. Jazz can feel the blame on the back of her tongue, ready to spill out. That would be the worst thing for her to do, and she doesn’t know if she has the strength to hold it back, because for fucks sake, if they just watched their children, this wouldn’t have happened.
Jazz turns to the stairs and starts climbing them. She doesn’t get halfway before she’s blinded by drywall dust and knocked off her feet.
#Danny Phantom#Let Grief Do Its Work#i'm surprised the format stayed. i literally just copy pasted the whole thing#me remembering The Gerbil: ohoho yes i can use this for evil purposes#btw this series (extended HOMSH universe) is like. supposed to be funny#but i also was literally so depressed at the time it ended up hella depressing. i don't like. remember anything from that year#HOMSH was a vent fic & then i promptly forgot it existed til i rediscovered it like 4 months later just after the 1st anniversary of. yeah.#i literally have no memory of writing it at all. it was literally like reading someone else's work#i vaguely remember figuring out the panic attack chapter but that's literally it#every time i reread it it's like. an all night affair. i put on Implode Alright by Built by Snow & read it til dawn#& it's funny. but also it's like. yeah. that's uh. that's where my mind was. & it's the only proof i have that i was even alive that year#dont worry i was pulled out of my severe depressive episode a year later when a kitten ran out of the woods & attacked me & stole my hotdog#i still have that half feral kitten. he's a lot bigger now & much more of a baby (only with me apparently though)#he even lets me pick him up without severely injuring me#i should just post HOMSH actually. it's unfinished but like. maybe that'll make me want to#posted this & then immediately got hit with the fanfic author's curse. uh. all my shit might get postponed
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Another thing I didn't like about Gabriel this season is the fact he's spending Christmas with his ex ?? The baby isn't even there yet he absolutely could have gone to Chicago. I'm blaming this on bad writing.
It all goes back to Gabriel's inability to choose. When he talks about past Christmases' he speaks about Camille's family like its something he's used to. And now that there's a baby, it's more 'official' that they're 'family'. He probably felt bad about what happened at the wedding even tho that whole thing was not his fault. He can't say no to Camille bc he feels an obligation to fulfill.
But also, it didn't look like he wanted to go to Chicago. He didn't show signs of it. He asks Emily if she's okay with it and it's clear she isn't. She says like 3x, 'I wish you were coming with me'. She wanted him to want to go with her. But instead she says 'No'. It's another communication issue on her end bc she should have said 'hey this does bother me. what's gonna happen next year?'. But both are afraid of that confrontation.
It's also a call back to Emily's boyfriend at the start of the series. iirc, she breaks up with American Boyfriend (idr his name) bc he doesn't want to make the effort to visit her in Paris, doesn't want to keep dating long distance and wants her to come home. He basically refused to make any effort. Gabriel not making the effort or interest in going to back to Chicago with her is like a little alarm that starts ringing in Emily's head.
So I can see why people are pro (Rich) Italian Guy bc he's the one actively pursuing her, at first glance he doesn't have any past relationship issues, he's appears to be open especially about his family. On paper there's nothing complicated about him and for the first time Emily isn't feeling like she has to hold something back.
It's the fresh start that Gabriel said maybe they all needed. Words that are haunting him now, but unfortunately he deserves it.
#emily in paris#ask#anon#we were robbed of an episode of gabriel in chicago watching emily down a hotdog#that date with marcello where they walk around paris all night? thats what she wanted with gabriel in chicago#she wanted to share her home with him the way he's shared paris with her#like idk he's not even paris. he should have taken emily to normandy when her flight got cancelled.#there's so many things he could have done#ugh
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It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move
Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)
Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back
...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet
#legit; as small as it is it gives me a hint at the direction things will head and that costco will get more and more anti consumer#and I'm in minutes going from an 'I love costco; it's how I afford to eat; go get a cheap pizza'#to 'you know costco is kinda frustrating and annoying and I don't trust their ceo... I'm not sure if it's worth your time and money'#like look back and; tumblr search willing; you'll find posts of me singing costco's praises; literal free advertising#cause while it's not right for everyone; man is it so much cheaper than places like walmart#but... I legit don't know if I can recommend it anymore#for one thing; when I signed up I just spotted the members desk; walked in the backdoor up to the desk; and gave them money#now... what? you gotta ask permission? I feel like there's a chilling effect on wanting to join... at least for my socially anxious ass#and again; I just whiff this as like when games companies add DRM that breaks the game... for people who actually pay for it#they're making me suffer a pain in the ass for no reason cause someone might not be giving them money#and now that person never will give them money... and frankly... if they don't pay the membership but spend $500 how much did you lose?#but like I said; I feel it in the air; that costco will start doing more and more anti consumer stuff#...do I think it's a good idea to join up when they're gonna slowly start turning this corner?#I mentioned that quote by the founder about killing them if they raise the price of the hotdog#but... the fact the founder felt the need to say that to begin with told me something#kinda gotten the impression that the ceo is greedy as hell and wants to drain the consumer (so... a normal ceo)#and this just smacks of netflix/disney#oh... did you hear about disney killing someone with a food allergy despite being told about it multiple times like when the dish arrived?#and now disney is trying to forced arbitrate cause they had a disney+ trial in 2019#you hear about that one? cause that's a real news story; I'll find you an article if you don't believe it#anyway; this smacks of cracking down on password sharing to make up for hypothetical lost revenue#and let me tell you... if I could switch to pirating my groceries I would; I would download eggs#so this doesn't change costco fundamentally; but it does make it feel more hostile and like it doesn't trust me#it makes things feel more adversarial instead of like a partnership where they get me good prices on good things and I give money#and I just wouldn't be surprised if they start doing more things I don't like#things that make things worse... things like raising prices to increase their profit#...makes me want to... work on figuring out how to make everything myself since no company is trustworthy#they'll all turn on you in the end; the moment the wrong person takes charge they'll start to metastasis#towards the cancer of infinite profits#not saying don't go to costco... I'm saying don't get attached if you do; I think they're ready to do what every company does these days
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Calling iasip one of the most complex well written things I’ve ever seen in front of my friend whose sole knowledge of it is basically just the “whoops, I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong” image and having to be like yup, that is uh—that is the same show I’m talking about, yes.
#iasip#it’s always sunny in philadelphia#text#anmmbposts#he also knew the scene where frank is stealing hotdogs during the robbery with gunshots just going#and looked at me like I had lost my mind which I have but still!#it’s about the balance! comedy/comedic time and crassness does not negate the character thought and depth put in#and vice versa#no better way to feel absolutely unhinged than singing this show’s technical praises to a normal person 😭#but it’s all true
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Ur so new to this its making me giggle. also you should share more I need to Know
gloomy I can't stress enough how bad I am at this. once we got past stats and I had to actually come up with real character things it was awful. dragged kicking and screaming through character creation. also I'm realizing as I type this how little I still have in mind for this character bc I never even decided what gender they are. we've been referring to them interchangeably as "my new cringfail losergirl oc" and "my new weird little guy"
#gonna be real though it’s probably a girl. and she'll be a lesbian. why would I ever choose anything else#ok but she doesn't even have a name yet. idk how to name things that is gonna suck#she's a blacksmith though. and a tiefling druid but I think you saw me tell theo that already in the replies of the other post#and she has a fascination with fire bc I got in a projecting mood#and that sounds stupid as hell I hate saying that actually bc it makes me think of that very annoying internet time#where every single gay person on tiktok was like “ooh be gay do crime!! arson!! mother mother!!”#but I cannot stress enough this is a genuine trait of mine if you leave me with a lighter and something flammable#I will set it on fire just to watch it burn#my family won't let me light birthday candles because they don't like giving me lighters#I set a paper towel on fire in our camper once when no one was in there#and then they went in later and were like “why does it smell like smoke in here?”#and I had to admit I lit a paper towel on fire#AND THEY WOULD NOT LET IT GO!!#they rag on me about it all the time like “rori you were gonna light our camper on fire!!”#and I have to be like “NO I PUT IT IN THE SINK”#but yeah saying oh here's my lesbian who likes fire sounds stupid and annoying but that's. that's a genuine trait of mine#anyway also as for the oc creation taking 5 hours. I will say I was doing this on discord call with several people#and only ONE of them was actually helping me in character creation. so the conversation kept getting sidetracked by everyone#we debated on if a hotdog was a sandwich at some point (it is)#ask#gloomybirdie#hi gloomy!
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you would think learning all of the words to the pre tsia monologue would be something i remember doing
i do not
#yo i am going to talk about feeling. ukrainian men have two emotions: rage and passion. it will always be hate that got me on my mad game#because i am best rapper in all north eastern saskachewan!! grap your dicks if youre in the 306 bruh!! you might know me as bad egg on#the youtube i am well known there. it is where i met my shawty natalia. she left me mostly positive feedback on my youtube#comment wall. and then we became mad passionaye all night lovers on facebook twitter we made love on all the social media networks#we were engaged. i was saving up to move back to ukraine. we were.. we were.. too much passion. now rage. i have no respect for this#country! you know what this canada is leading supplier of to whole world? two things: mustard seeds and uranium. good for hotdogs yes but#not so good for ukraine. so thank you for killing my mother and for indirectly killing me. i feel the rage and when i rage i rap about#money in autotune. autotune will never die. HIT THE BEAT#jdsmineralwater#ride the cyclone#mischa bachinski#mischa rtc#mischa bachinski rtc#rtc#tsia#this song is awesome
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i heard that its one of frog species that can't hop and more like an ambush type of frog
Hey, do you think you could ID this silly little guy for me? Found him in my garden this morning. Was very cute and seemed relatively docile. Thanks 😊
Frog ID: (no geographical data)
Normally, I would need more geographical info to ID this for you, but this species is well known amongst herpetologists. This is a cosmopolitan species.
White-bellied Green Booboo Frog (Pseudoranoides ceramicus leucoventris), family Buburanidae.
This is a very friendly and handleable species. This sub-species is the most common in home gardens.
#white bellied booboo frog#booboo frog#SOO THAT'S WHATS ITS NAME :OOOO#i actually have booboo frog here :D#its have greyish blue skin with lots of spots all around it that can grow about the size of two hotdogs :D#(ps: it's also can smile idk if they're different species tho? :/)#(and also: it got away :( we don't know where :()
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god Tim Robinson really does look and act so much like this guy in Dr Strangelove it makes it impossible to take seriously
#im just imagining all the weird tantrums he could throw#tim has to have been inspired by this very performance right? egotistical guy uncomfortable in a meeting#where theyre discussing his fuckups? thats prime i think you should leave#i know its not a serious movie but its not hotdog suit silly is it? maybe actually. i didnt know :P
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Demon twins au where rhey never lost comunication and visit each others.
Only Alfred knows.
So one day excatly afted diner, Danny comes in. With swuitcases, a backpack. A black eye and some vends on hands.
Sit downs alonside Damian, ignoring the little and silent panic that the batfam is having.
Damian: th?
Danny: the bad hotdogs won.
Batfam:.. da f-
Danny: some wite ones followed me.
Alfred sudebly letf everting at side, toke a gun from nowhere, scuse himself and goes out.
Bruce: w- Alfret wai-
Alfred: atend to your minor child. Master Bruce. I need to take care of some pests.
Bruce: But- th-
Damian: father. You need to call the lawyers. I will not let my twin stay with the frootlop of Vald.
Bruce:....your... twin?
Danny: *all sleppy on the lap of damian* yes dad?
#dpxdc#dp x dc#i think the bad hogdos could be a code btw the 3 of them#por bruce#is a shok after another
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And, boy, you got her
synopsis Rafe’s in charge of the pledges during Rush Week. Hazing isn’t a thing. Making you feel so high school is.
wc 3.6K
a/n omgggg Euro Trip Rafe <3333 I was living on pledgetok last week and just couldn’t not write something about it
“Holy shit,” Noah mutters, surveying the crowd over his red cup, “I swear they get scrawnier every single year.”
Rafe nods gravely, taking a pull of his beer. “It’s fucking grim.”
“Like — fuck, look at those two.” Noah gestures toward the shaded veranda, a fresh coat of gloss making its balustrades shine. Huddled in one corner, attempting to take up as little space as possible, two boys donning UNC merch survey the crowd in tandem. “We weren’t that fucking scraggy as freshman, were we?”
“You two weren’t,” Kelce snorts, coming up behind them. Topper brings up his rear, mid-bite of his loaded hotdog. “Thornton definitely was though.”
“Oi!” Topper protests, his words garbled by half chewed sausage. “S’wasn’t that bad. C’mon.” He turns to Rafe then, swallowing his mouthful. “But seriously, you locked in any potentials?”
Rafe furrows his brow thoughtfully, looking back over Delta Chi’s yard. Unsurprisingly, it’s far too early to say. Though the barbecue that they’re hosting is a good way for pledges to mingle, it isn’t exactly hazing material; they’re going to have to get creative.
“Maybe,” he replies finally, shrugging. “We’ll just have to see I guess.”
He tips back his red cup again, swallowing the last dregs of beer before acquiescing. As he’s about to announce his need for a refill, a few pledges sidle up to their group, looking hopeful.
Not overtly, of course. Painstakingly hiding their eagerness behind an armour of insouciance.
“Rafe,” the tallest of the three greets, handing him another red cup. The golden liquid inside it brims to the surface, its white foam dissolving in mocking. “Hey, bro. You need another?”
Rafe raises his eyebrows, hiding a grin. “Shit. Table service already?”
The boy grins in tandem, looking a little sheepish. “Big fan, man. I’m Dylan.” He motions at the two guys on either side of him, wearing matching squints and backwards caps. “This is Rahul and Xav, we’re all here from Trinity.”
“Durham and Chapel Hill?” Noah enquires, whistling approvingly when they nod. “Fuck, we used to love having away games there. Those Trin cheerleaders…”
“Haha, shit, what was that chic’s name again?” Rafe asks then, a pull of mirth as he turns to Noah. “The one you messed around with in junior year?”
“Blake,” Noah answers, groaning in a mock-wistful sort of way. “They didn’t make ‘em like her at the Academy.”
Rafe snorts, sending the pledges a sage glance. “Nah. They made ‘em better.”
Noah raises his eyebrows, his brown eyes glinting with amusement. “Oh, so we are allowed to objectify your girl then, Cameron?”
“Damn, so you’re tied down?” Xavier pipes up, his voice gravelly and low on purpose. Overtly masculine, like he’s trying hard to be red-blooded. “Your girl doesn’t mind you partying?”
Rafe frowns. “Why would she mind?”
“Uh,” Xavier balks, pulling at the bill of his backwards cap, “shit. I don’t know… like, doesn’t she get pissed that you’re constantly around sorority girls?”
“HA —” Topper laughs, and then he falters, thwarted by Rafe’s warning glower. “Uh.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Let’s just say Cameron doesn’t give her any reasons to be suspicious.”
“Because he’s obsessed with her,” Noah adds, unperturbed by Rafe’s expression. He pauses then, an amusing idea popping into his head. “Which means…” he continues, returning Rafe’s glare with a trust me one of his own, “you guys should be too.”
Rafe doesn’t trust him. Like, at all. He sends him a bewildered look, unsure where he’s going with this. “White — what?”
Noah ignores him. He downs his beer and crushes the red cup in his hand, deftly aiming it at the nearest bag of trash. “So,” he says, eyeing the three pledges with interest. “How serious are you guys about rushing Delt?”
“Pretty serious, bro,” Rahul answers, looking to his friends for support. “Think we got a shot?”
Noah throws his arm around Rafe’s neck, his strong bicep taut as he shoots them a grin. “Depends, man, I might know how we could figure that out though.” He begins to steer Rafe away from them, sending one last, faux-somber look over his shoulder. “Be right back, yeah?”
Rafe, whose bewilderment is quickly giving way curiosity, allows himself to be marshalled out of earshot without complaints.
He shrugs Noah off of him once they’re on the verandah, his features ever-bemused as he turns toward him. “The fuck was that about?”
“Bro, I know exactly how we’re going to haze these motherfuckers,” Noah replies, his voice lilted with mirth. “You know… without breaking any rules.”
The bewildered expression on Rafe’s face doesn’t acquiesce. “Okay… how?”
“Instead of getting them to be our bitches,” he answers, a mischievous grin making home on his features. “We’re going to get them to be our girlfriends’ bitches.”
Rafe frowns. “Bro. What?”
“Cameron, it’s perfect.” He swipes Rafe’s beer from his hand and takes a generous pull. “What do frat guys hate more than being called scrawny as fuck?”
“Uh. Doing assignments?” Rafe answers blankly, still frowning. He doesn’t have it in him to think too hard about Noah’s profferance. He’s on hour two of manning this boring event, hour four since he bid you farewell, and all Rafe can bear to think about right now is the imminent taste of your peach-scented lips.
Noah shakes his head. “No, dumbass. Being called a simp.”
“Wrong,” Rafe answers, “I don’t mind that shit at all.”
“You’re the exception,” Noah replies matter-of-factly. “You and Y/N have always been the exception. C’mon, I’m talking about us,” he places his palm over his breastbone solemnly, “mere mortals.”
Rafe narrows his eyes. “Fuck off. How would that even work?”
“We…” Noah pauses to think, a slightly furrow to his brow, “alright, I got it. We assign the pledges to our girlfriends, one by one. Give them a week to make a good impression — you know, carry their bags, buy them flowers, all that sentimental crap you love.”
“You really think the guys’ll agree to this?” Rafe asks, sounding reluctant. “I mean… I don’t know if I’m alright with a bunch of idiots holding doors for my girl.”
“But you’re an idiot that holds a door for your girl,” Noah answers, not missing a beat.
“Fuck off, White.”
“I’m serious. It’ll be funny. And look… if you’re worried about Y/N, I know she’ll find it adorable as fuck.”
Rafe shakes his head. “No way. She didn’t find high-school me adorable.”
Noah raises his eyebrows skeptically. “You’d be surprised, man. Besides, these guys aren’t going to be like high-school you. High-school you was a douchebag.”
“A douchebag who got the girl.”
“A douchebag who got the girl after he stopped acting like a douchebag.” Noah smirks then. “A douchebag who’d give all these fuckers a run for their money if he was pledging Delt this year.”
Rafe grins in tandem, stealing his beer back to take a big swig. “Alright, shit, alright. Harmless shit though, right? Chivalry and all that?”
“Harmless as hell,” Noah agrees. “C’mon. You really think any of these guys has the balls to make a pass at one of our girls?”
“Easy for you to say, White. You don’t fucking have a girl.”
Noah frowns. “What d’you mean? Aren’t we going halves on Y/N?”
“Holy fuck, Noah,” Rafe groans, almost spitting out his mouthful of beer. “If Y/N heard the shit you said when she wasn’t around, she’d probably kill you.”
“Nah,” Noah replies, seemingly unperturbed. “She loves me.”
“Well,” Rafe says grimly, crushing his own empty cup in his head. “She might do now, but she sure as hell won’t by the end of this week.”
—
The first time it happens, you’re understandably perplexed.
You’re en-route to your 9AM, bag strap denting your left shoulder, when a stranger falls into your step and swipes it from your figure. It’s a motion so quick and deft you initially think you’re getting mugged.
As you double back in bewilderment, he proffers, “you alright with this?”
“Uh.” You balk. “What?”
“Your bag,” he answers, readjusting it on his own shoulder. He seems earnest. Nervous, even. “It looked heavy. I can carry it to class for you, if you want?”
You allow a pause to take him in.
“No, I’m…” another pause, more of his demeanour on display. Backwards cap, crisp white polo shirt, smile lines exposing the ghost of a grin on his face. A familiar grin, the kind that pulls a soft, maudlin feeling from your ribcage. “Look, if you’re trying to hit on me —”
“No, no,” he interrupts quickly, his eyes widening in a panic. “Shit — no, don’t tell Cameron I’m hitting on you. I’m just…”
“Wait a minute,” your eyes narrow accusatorially, because of course he’s behind this chivalrous display, “you know my boyfriend?”
The stranger grimaces sheepishly. “Uh. Yeah.”
“Explain.”
“It’s… uh… well — basically, I’m pledging Delt,” he answers haltingly, self effacement juxtaposing his frat boy exterior. “Rafe’s asked us to be all gentlemanly and shit for pledge week, I don’t know. To you guys, I mean. Like… the current frat member’s girls?”
“Oh my god,” you groan. “No he hasn’t.”
“Shit.” He looks far more nervous now that he did five minutes ago. “He didn’t tell you?”
“No,” you grumble, pulling your phone out of your pocket. “No he did not.”
Rafe’s on speed dial. He picks up on the first ring, the way he always does for you.
“Hey baby,” his gravelly timbre crackles through the phone, the low hum of frat house chatter audible in the background. “What’s up?”
“Don’t even. You know what’s up Rafael.”
A pause. When Rafe speaks again, his voice is quick and placating. “It was Noah’s idea.”
“Of course it was.”
“Dylan’s not playing up, is he?”
You raise your eyebrows at the stranger then, assessing him faux-suspiciously. “No way. He’s doing a better job than you ever did in high school.”
“Woah woah woah,” Rafe replies, a playful lilt to his tone. “That fucker’s not calling you dream girl or something, is he?”
“Worse. He’s being respectful of my boundaries.”
“Oh shit. I fucking knew this was a bad idea.”
You shake your head in exasperation, trying not to laugh. The poor stranger’s still standing there at attention, your leather bag looking ridiculous on his arm. “Rafe. Tell me he’s the only one.”
“He’s one…” Rafe starts slowly, sounding sheepish, “of three. Four, counting me.” In the background, you hear Noah pipe up and add, “five, Cameron. How could you forget me?”
“You’re un-fucking-believable, Noah White,” you shout through the phone.
“I love you too, Y/N,” Noah sings, and then he groans, no doubt shoved to the side by his indignant best friend. It’s Rafe on the phone again, voice sweet and thick as molasses as he says, “they’ll behave, baby, and make your life easier in the process. I promise.”
“What?” You accuse, fighting back a smile. “Like you did in high school?”
“Fuck no,” he replies, the grin on his face audible. “They’ll be nothing like I was, sweetheart.”
“What?” You tease. “Absolutely insufferable?”
“And absolutely in love with you.”
You raise your eyebrows. “How can you be so sure?”
“They’re under strict instruction. Have a shiner waiting for them if they pull something funny.”
Another exasperated laugh bubbles out of you, and you begin walking forward again, motioning at the boy named Dylan to follow in your step. “Right. So the boundaries are on purpose, are they?”
“The respect, too. No being inappropriate and charming at the same time.”
“And why not?” You ask faux-indignantly. “What if I like being objectified?”
“Can’t have you falling in love with them, can I?”
“Hey,” you argue, frowning stubbornly. “That is not what made me fall in love with you.”
“It isn’t?”
“Well,” you balk, “not solely that.”
“You’re fucking sexy,” he recites devotedly, almost yells, and you can hear the collective groan of his frat brothers in the background. “Are you wearing those Lululemon pants right now? Point is, I’m thinking about your ass in those Lululemon pants right now.”
“Rafe, I was fucking kidding. Stop.”
“No you weren’t.” You know he’s right; you can picture that stupid smirk on his face. It makes your cheeks warm. Asshole. “You’re blushing now, aren’t you?”
“Anyway.”
“Anyway,” Rafe agrees. “No funny business, alright? Just lots of good deeds.”
Good deeds. You suppose you could get used to good deeds, the embarrassment of attention notwithstanding.
You let out a defeated sigh, halting in front of your 9AM class. “You so, so owe me.”
“I so, so love you,” Rafe replies, and it makes your pulse leap; you’ll never get used to this feeling. “See you later, yeah?”
“Uh huh. Love you.”
Dylan waits until you’ve ended the call before saying farewell, dutifully handing your leather bag back to you and giving you a mock salute. The way he does it, all sheepish and genuine with a charming smile on his face, makes your heart twinge in a junior year of high-school sort of way. You’re feeling sentimental. It’s sweet.
You’re reminded of Rafe before he was yours, stumbling over himself to win your favour. Confusing chivalry with courting, objectifying you in the name of flirting.
Insufferable, but sweet nonetheless. You digress.
—
The next time it happens, you’re ambushed at your favourite cafe.
A dutiful Delta Phi pledge has already queued up and purchased you coffee, handing it over to you with a blushing bouquet of tulips.
You raise your eyebrows at him questioningly. “Is that…?”
“Uh, an oat iced coffee with vanilla?” He asks, sounding nervous. “I asked Cameron for your order.”
“Didn’t ask me about pastries, though,” a voice behind you adds, rough and familiar with a sweetness around the edges. Rafe circles your waist with ease and pulls you into his chest, sponging a soft kiss to your temple before handing you a brown bag.
A glossy, Daily Bread sticker shines on its exterior proudly.
Your eyes widen in surprise, and you look up at him expectantly. “Tell me you didn’t drive back home for a single croissant.”
“I didn’t drive back home for a single croissant,” Rafe replies. He grins then, looking that same, sheepish genuine that pulls a maudlin feeling. “I drove back home for twenty.”
“Rafe. Why?”
“Because you like Daily Bread,” he replies matter-of-factly, like it’s obvious.
You shake your head in exasperation, tip-toeing up to press a quick kiss to his lips. It becomes less quick against better judgement. He tastes like spearmint gum and cold brew, the hand he has held to your waist tightening ever so slightly. Slipping under your shirt, massaging the soft skin he finds there expertly, discreetly. Too much for 8am on a Wednesday morning, sans coffee. Your face feels on fire. You pull away in a hurry.
Meanwhile, the freshman pledge balks at the exchange, looking out of place.
Rafe frowns bemusedly at your diffidence, only clocking the reason when you nod over at him.
“I’ll walk her over Ben,” he says, dismissing him. “You’re off the hook, bro.”
“Shit.” The boy named Ben grimaces; he needs to get his hours in, and doesn’t deem this a fair ambush. He scrambles for an excuse. “Right. Can I still give her the flowers?”
“Of course you can,” you beam, accepting them gratefully. You look up at Rafe then, asking, “And if I want to walk with Benjamin?”
Rafe grins down at you, disbelieving. “Do you, baby?”
“As a matter of fact, yes,” you say, wriggling out of his grasp. “He got me flowers.”
Rafe falters, his eyes widening in surprise. “Sweetheart, I got you a croissant.”
“Ben got me a coffee,” you hedge. “And flowers.”
“Y/N,” he placates.
“Rafael,” you echo, unperturbed by his exasperation. You take a sip your coffee. “I’ll see you later, okay? Ben’s ticking off a good deed this morning.”
Poor Ben looks helpless, taking the brunt of Rafe’s glare as you motion for him to hold the door for you.
“C’mon Ben, we’re going to be late.���
“But…” Ben pauses, his eyes flitting to Rafe nervously. “This is fine, right?”
Rafe sighs, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth in defeat. “Yeah, bro. You’re good.” He looks to you, then. “You’re unbelievable.”
You smile sweetly. “I’m wearing the Lulu leggings.”
“Oh I noticed,” Rafe replies, his blue eyes falling down your figure in slow, reverent paces. “It’s why I want to be the one holding the door for you.”
You roll your eyes. “Men only want one thing.”
Rafe grins. “Yeah. You.”
—
By the end of the week, you’re more used to the chivalry than you’re willing to admit.
You’ve enjoyed free iced lattes and filled your dorm with gorgeous bouquets, no door left unopened and no walk to class left unescorted. And really, every pledge you’ve come across has been pleasant and unassuming, albeit absolutely terrified of Rafe and therefore extra obliging on instinct.
They’ve even offered to do favours for you, got you into sought after Pilates classes and done last minute grocery runs on your behalf. It’s put you in this constant state of mild exasperation, like you can’t believe you’re worthy of this much love and chivalry.
It’s exactly the way you felt back in high-school with Rafe, and this revelation pulls lots of funny feelings from your stomach, from your chest. Feelings you’ve forgotten that are all yours and all his. Because it’s strange, having someone other than Rafe taking care of you. (Or Noah.) It’s strange because it makes you realise just how much he adored you back in the day.
These emotions come to a head at the pledge week closing bash, Delta Phi lit up with fluorescent lights in technicolour. Inebriation ensues, beer pong follows, and an impromptu DJ deck plays endless songs with heavy bass.
Rafe Cameron has you pulled close, as always, the taut muscle of his forearm pressing heat to your exposed waist. You’re a few drinks down and hyperaware of his proximity, ankles touching, thighs too, torsos close with your head resting on his shoulder.
“I think I like Dylan the best,” you announce suddenly.
“Yeah?” Rafe asks, kneading your skin absentmindedly.
You nod. “He’s sweet. Told me all about his girl back home.”
Rafe grins then, shaking his head bemusedly. “You’re such a sucker for love, sweetheart.”
“Hey!” You glare up at him faux-incensed, looking accusatory. “So are you!”
“Shhhh,” Rafe murmurs playfully. “Not so loud, you’ll fuck up my street cred.”
You scoff. “Since when do you care about street cred?”
“Shit, you’re right,” Rafe agrees easily, leaning down to draw your lips in for a kiss. He’s all patchouli and musk, beer on his tongue and unchaste intentions in his touch. When he pulls away, his lips are still an inch from yours, his voice rougher than it was a second ago, “I don’t care. Like, at fucking all.”
“Good,” Noah snorts from behind him. “‘Cause you never had any to begin with, bro.”
“There you are,” you say then, eyeing Noah over Rafe’s shoulder. There’s a mock accusatory expression on your face, softened by mirth and the alcohol on your lips. “Have you been hiding from me, White?”
Noah grins sheepishly, taking a pull of his beer. “Maybe.”
You narrow your eyes. “Tell me. When did you become worse than Rafael?”
“I didn’t become worse!” Noah insists. “He just became better. You know, after he got the girl.”
You make a face. “Smooth.”
“Hey,” Noah raises his arms in surrender, looking faux-somber, “someone’s gotta teach the next generation, don’t they? I’m committed to their education.” He raises his eyebrows then, a mischievous glint in his eye. “C’mon, don’t act like you didn’t love it.”
Rafe grins. “She totally fucking loved it.”
You aim a glare at the pair of them, failing miserably at hiding your amusement. “So maybe I didn’t mind it. Sue me.”
“Of course you loved it,” Noah says, throwing his arm around you and pulling you into his side. “You love Cameron, don’t you?”
You narrow your eyes. “Opinions vary.”
“You love me?” Noah tries.
“You fucking wish.”
“Everyone fucking wishes,” Rafe says then, throwing his arm around you too, your figure wedged between the pair of them. Frat boy sandwich, you think tiredly. If high-school you could see you now, you’re pretty sure she’d have an aneurysm. “Especially when you’re in Lululemon.”
“Rafe.”
“I’m kidding. Not really. They all love you, you know that, yeah?”
You look up at him questioningly. “The pledges?”
“Uh huh,” Rafe replies, raising his eyebrows at you. “This is what I was afraid of, you know.”
“What?” You ask, lifting yours in tandem.
“Everyone falling in love with you, like I did in high school.”
You scrunch up your nose at him, your cheeks warming in diffidence. “No one’s fallen in love with me, don’t be silly.”
“I have,” Noah pipes up unhelpfully.
“Shut up, Noah. I saw you talking to Georgia just before.”
Noah grins, pulling away and offering you a mock salute. “Guilty as charged.” He turns to survey the crowd, spotting her figure on the fairy-light lit porch. “Speaking of…”
And he’s gone before you’re able to tease him any further, leaving Rafe to guide you out of his side and into his chest. You wrap your arms around his neck, his hands exerting a warm, steady pressure into the curve of your waist.
“As I was saying,” you continue, frowning up at him playfully. “No one’s fallen in love with me.”
Rafe’s unconvinced. His gaze skates down your figure again, a tortured groan falling from his throat. “Have you seen you, sweetheart?”
You roll your eyes, face hot and self conscious. “And even if they have,” you add, “it doesn’t matter.”
Rafe raises his eyebrows. “It doesn’t?”
“No way. Because I’m in love with you, not any of them.”
Rafe grins then, a devastatingly handsome look on his face. “I’ll never get used to hearing that.”
“I’ll never get used to saying it.”
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron oneshot#rafe x reader
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it's nice to have a friend
bucky barnes x reader
word count: 3.2k
summary: you're having the worst period you've had in a long time. bucky is determined to help you feel better.
author's note: this is a silly and smutty piece that i felt compelled to write when i got my period a few days ago!
warnings/tags: smutty, reader has a period, langauge, use of a vibrator, nipple stimulation, no use of y/n, use of a cbd gummy lol, 18+ only
Approximately every twenty-eight days, you curse the fact that you were born with a uterus and vagina.
This month, however, you were cursing that fact a bit earlier than expected. Cycle day twenty three, to be exact.
Your periods never start this early, but as soon as you opened your eyes at six o'clock this morning, you knew what had occured while you were asleep. You could feel the moisture that soaked through your underwear and pajama pants before you could turn on the light to see that your white sheets had been dyed bright crimson beneath where you'd been laying.
One load of laundry with extra stain remover and as much Pamprin max strength as one can safely take later, you are curled up on the couch of the compound's living room with a cup of coffee and a heating pad turned up so high that you risk first degree burns.
“Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you today? We can go to Coney Island another time,” Natasha tries to reason with you once again.
“I promise I'll be okay here,” you assure her. “These cramps are killing me, I won't be any fun to hang out with today. Go, enjoy yourself. When is the next time that you'll all have a free day and weather this perfect?” You gesture towards the sunshine streaming through the living room windows.
“If you're sure,” she caves after a few moments of hesitation. “Promise I’ll win you that stuffed panda that you wanted so badly last time.”
“I am going to hold you to that,” you tell her in a faux-serious tone.
After Natasha and the rest of your friends have left for their day of riding rollercoasters and eating hotdogs on the boardwalk, you turn on your comfort show and settle in for an unexciting and uncomfortable day by yourself.
A few hours later, you decide you've sat in the same position for long enough - you can practically feel your body morphing to the sofa. You're walking to the kitchen to refill your water bottle and find something to snack on when you collide with what feels like a brick wall.
A brick wall that happens to smell really, really fucking good.
You step back, finding that the brick wall is staring at you with a confused look on his face.
"What are you doing here?” Bucky asks as he glances you over from head to toe, taking in your choice of apparel - baggy sweats that are about two sizes too big for you, a cropped tank, and fuzzy slippers. You resist the urge to cross your arms over your stomach - you didn't think anyone else would be here today and the tank top you're wearing doesn't exactly conceal the period bloat you're currently experiencing.
"I live here,” you snap, a bit harsher than necessary. “What are you doing here?”
“I also live here,” he says, returning your attitude. You roll your eyes, maneuvering your way around where he blocks the doorway.
“What I mean,” he continues as he turns around, following you into the kitchen. “Is why aren't you with everyone at Coney Island?”
“I could ask you the same question,” you challenge, pouring some more ice into your cup. “Steve never shuts up about the glory days, all the time the two of you spent at Coney Island. I'm surprised you're not there with him right now.”
He huffs a laugh, pulling out one of the barstools at the kitchen's giant island and taking a seat. “We did spend a ridiculous amount of time at Coney Island,” he admits, his voice almost wistful. He hesitates before continuing, staring down at his hands as he traces a metal crevice on his left palm.
"But I haven't been to Coney Island since the forties. Guess I'm kinda scared it won't live up to my memories of it. Plus, I had a lot of laundry to catch up on, so..” he shrugs, trailing off.
You're taken aback by the honesty of his explanation. “Yeah, well,” you start awkwardly, turning away from him to search through a cabinet for something to eat. “I can't say that I know what it was like in the forties, but it's one of my favorite places, present day.”
“Then why are you hanging out by yourself while all of your friends are at one of your favorite places?”
Damn it, you curse internally. He's really not going to drop this. What should I say, that my uterine lining is falling out in clumps?
You grab a bag of freeze-dried fruit from the cabinet before turning back to face him, trying to come up with an excuse.
“I just didn't sleep great–” you come to an abrupt stop in the middle of your sentence as a blinding pain shoots through your lower abdomen. The bag of fruit falls to the floor as you steady yourself on the ledge of the counter with one hand, clutching your stomach with the other.
Bucky rises from his seat in an instant, closing the several feet of distance between the two of you in one big step.
"Are you okay? What’s going on?” His hands are both extended to you in an offer of help.
“I'm fine,” you say through a sharp intake of breath. “It’s.. it’s just cramps. Bad cramps,” you force the words out, propping your elbows up on the countertop to relax your body weight.
“Oh,” he says as realization dawns on him. He bends down to grab the bag of fruit that lays next to your feet, and then places it on the table in front of you. “I guess that answers my question, then,” he adds, referring to why you didn't go to Coney Island.
“Ya think?” You stand back upright, grabbing your snack and water bottle off of the counter. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have a busy day of bed-rotting ahead of me.”
“Some exercise would help,” he calls when you're about to exit the kitchen. “Laying in bed won't do much for you. A little bit of light exercise to release some beta-endorphins, maybe an abdominal massage–”
“Are you really man-splaining menstrual cycle pain management to me right now?” You ask, slowly turning to face him with an incredulous look on your face. “I wasn't aware that you had a medical license or that I asked for your opinion.”
“Just trying to help, sweetheart,” he shrugs with a mischievous grin.
“If you want to help, you can go get the Italian food that I'm craving and give me an abdominal massage yourself,” you practically spit at him. “Otherwise, keep the unsolicited advice to yourself and fuck off.”
You turn back around and all but run out of the room before you can process the shocked, albeit pleased look on his face.
After you've closed your bedroom door behind you (with perhaps a bit more force than necessary), you sink into the fresh sheets on your bed and shove several pieces of apricot into your mouth.
Rationally, you knew that Bucky's advice was solid, and that he was just trying to get a reaction out of you. That's just the kind of friendship that the two of you have. Sarcastic, teasing and occasionally… tension-filled.
You definitely didn't help the matter by telling him to massage your abdomen, but what does he expect when he suggests something as horrible as exercising during a time that you simply want nothing more than to melt into your mattress?
Your cell phone chimes from the pocket of your sweatpants. You dig it out and look at the text displayed across your lock screen.
Bucky Barnes: What kind of Italian food, specifically?
You would never admit it to him, but the corners of your mouth tug upwards into a smirk as you read his message.
You type: Don't you have a lot of laundry to catch up on? and press send. The message is marked as “read” right away.
He types. And types. And types some more – until those three dots indicating a message in progress disappear.
Whatever. You click your phone off and toss it somewhere in the covers around you.
The next couple hours are spent sitting under the near scalding stream of your shower, and then reading on your Kindle in the dark. As jealous as you are that your friends are undoubtedly having a blast today, you honestly don't mind your current situation - aside from feeling like your organs are being pulled out of your vagina, you hardly ever have days with zero obligations other than to just relax in whatever way you see fit.
A strong knock on your door causes you to lose your place on the page.
"You didn't give me a legitimate answer so I hope you like gnocchi, or eggplant parmesan, or traditional lasagna, or extra breadsticks..”
“You know, it's not funny to joke about carbs to someone when they are–”
You come to a stop in the middle of your sentence when you swing your door open to see him holding several plastic bags. An aroma of garlic and herbs hits you in the face.
Oh. Not a joke, then.
He extends one of the bags to you with his big, blue puppy dog eyes. You take it from him, opening the door further as an invitation to enter your bedroom.
"Consider this a peace offering,” he says, placing the other bags of food on your bed and perching awkwardly on the edge of your mattress. You close the door behind you, walking back to where you had previously been lounging on the bed.
“I'm sorry for being a smartass,” he adds more genuinely. “I just.. didn't like seeing you in pain. That's all.”
“This is far from my first period,” you shrug, not meeting his stare. “You get used to it after a while. But consider yourself forgiven.”
He gives you a small smile when you finally look up at him. He grabs a smaller bag that you hadn't noticed him carrying, one that is visibly less full than the others. He reaches inside, pulling out a small jar that he hands over to you.
Your brows furrow as you inspect it closely. “CBD gummies?” You ask, your brows now raising quizzically. You open the jar, popping one of the pink, cube-shaped gummies into your mouth. “Watermelon flavored CBD gummies?”
You notice the faintest trace of blush bloom across his cheeks. “I take them sometimes to help me sleep,” he starts, fiddling with some of the beading on your comforter. “But they can help with all different kinds of pain too, so I just thought you might like some.”
You close the jar, placing it on your bedside table before reaching over and grabbing his flesh hand in yours. “Thank you, Bucky,” you say, giving his hand a squeeze and then releasing it. “Really. I appreciate all of this.” You try to ignore the jolt of electricity that buzzes through you when your skin comes in contact with his. His hand is both softer and warmer than you would have imagined. It brings you back to the last words that you spewed at him in the kitchen earlier.
"A shit ton of pasta and CBD gummies,” you snort a laugh. “Would I be pushing my luck if I asked for that abdominal massage too?” You say it in a way that sounds halfway serious, halfway joking.
“If that's what you want,” he says lowly, turning to angle his body towards you on the bed. “Then just say the word.”
The air in your room suddenly feels suffocating.
It is what you want - but you're at a loss for words. So instead of a verbal response, you scoot over to the middle of the bed, closer to where he sits on the opposite side. You lay down so that your back is flat against the mattress, your head propped up by a single pillow.
Bucky's eyes widen in surprise, but he quickly wipes the look of astonishment from his features. He moves so that he's sitting directly next to your legs, giving him a proper angle to put his hands on your lower stomach.
You're wearing the same sweatpants and tank top from earlier, having thrown the outfit back on after your shower. The loose sweatpants hang low enough to expose your hip bones and the edge of your underwear.
The intimacy of the entire situation hits you the second that his hands make contact with your skin.
“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he murmurs, perhaps sensing your nerves. “Or if I do anything that doesn't feel good.”
Your eyes shut instinctively at the polar opposite sensations of his flesh and vibranium hands. Skin and metal, fire and ice.
“I will,” you assure him. Your words come out breathier than intended.
There's an immediate relief in your lower stomach as he rubs languid circles across your midriff. It's a feeling beyond pleasure as the cramps fade the more he touches you.
His vibranium pinky dances along the waistband of your underwear, causing goosebumps to spread across your skin. You try to focus on the relief he's bringing you - not the fact that you're wearing a thin tank top that leaves so much of your skin on display, giving him a clear view of the goosebumps that he's caused.
He continues with the precise motions until the pain in your abdomen has faded nearly entirely - you feel so good that you can't stop yourself from letting out the smallest moan when his flesh hand applies just the right amount of pressure near your pelvis.
You know he heard it - there's no way he didn't. Just as you know there's no way that he doesn't notice your fully hardened nipples through the thin fabric of your tank top.
You keep your eyes closed, terrified to meet his gaze in this state. You dread the moment that you feel his hands pull away from your skin.
"You know,” he starts, his voice possessing a strained edge. “I don't think this is good enough for you.”
Your eyes shoot open, looking at him in a nervous confusion. There's a glimmer in his eyes that you can't quite pinpoint - his stare trailing to your bedside table on the opposite side of you. “But I think I do know what could make you feel much better.”
“What are you talking about?” Your voice quivers as you follow his stare. You're not sure what he's looking at - all that sits on your nightstand is the CBD gummies he had just given you, your Kindle, a few books, a bottle of lotion, and the Himalayan salt lamp that paints you both in an orange glow.
He smirks before leaning across you - keeping his vibranium hand pressed firmly on your belly as he uses his flesh hand to pull open the drawer of the small table.
“Hey! What are you–” but he retrieves the object he’s looking for before you can finish questioning him. You freeze at what he's holding in his hand.
Your vibrator. Your glittery, lavender colored vibrator.
“How the fuck did you–”
“Do you think I can't hear you using this from across the hallway late at night?” He grins smugly. “That I can't hear your little whimpers when you think everyone's asleep?”
Your face heats up a hundred degrees. You don't know whether to be infuriated or massively turned on.
Both. You're definitely feeling a mix of both.
He clicks the power button, turning on the device to its lowest setting. He watches you for a moment, giving you ample time to tell him to fuck off.
Instead, you once again relax against the pillow, your body going limp for him. You spread your legs the slightest bit.
He takes this as his signal to proceed. Not taking his eyes off of your face, he trails the head of the wand from your lower stomach and over the fabric of your sweatpants until he reaches the apex of your thighs. Your nipples pucker once again, your thighs clenching around the tip of the vibrator.
Bucky moves the device in a circular motion, making your back arch off the bed and your head tip back.
How is it that it feels better when he massages you with it through your fucking pants than it does when you use it on your bare pussy?
You hear the clicking of a button again, and the force of the vibration over your clothed cunt increases. You grind down on the device, desperate for friction.
Bucky watches you with something akin to pride on his face.
“You know how I told you to tell me if I do something you don't like?” He asks as he pushes the head of the wand directly down on your clit with the perfect amount of pressure.
“Yeah,” you answer - it comes out like a moan that you'd hear in a porno.
“Good girl,” he praises. “Remember that.”
Before you can clear your head enough to wonder what he means, he's tugging up the cotton fabric of your tank top and exposing your breasts.
You gasp at the sensation of the cool air blowing from the AC coming in contact with your already hard nipples. Bucky leans forward, keeping the vibrator on your core, and captures one of your nipples in his mouth.
Your hand immediately goes to his hair, tugging the soft brown locks in your fingers to keep him in place. His free hand grasps your other breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers.
The combination of pleasure radiating from your pussy and his hand and mouth on you is fucking perfect. Fucking perfect, and all too much.
You clench your thighs together, riding against the vibrator until you feel warmth spreading through your lower belly.
“Oh my god, Bucky,” you moan - he groans when you say his name, the vibration sending you tumbling over the edge. You come hard, possibly harder than any other orgasm you've had in your life, thoroughly soaking your panties.
When you've finished writhing beneath him, Bucky pulls back, removing both his mouth and the vibrator. He clicks the device off, tossing it towards the foot of your bed.
You're panting, staring up at the ceiling, trying to process what the fuck just happened when you hear Bucky let out a low chuckle.
Your eyes snap to him, finding that he looks thoroughly pleased with himself.
"Can't say that's how I expected the day to go when I decided to sit this Coney Island trip out,” he sighs.
“You can say that again.” You sit upright, bending your legs and crossing them at the ankles. You lean forward, tugging your shirt back into place before pulling one of the bags of food to you.
"We should go sometime soon. Together,” you add, somewhat nervously. You aren't sure why - the guy just gave you the best orgasm of your life (and barely even touched you).
“Are you asking me on a date?” that sly smile reappears.
You shrug. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”
"Then my answer is yes. But only if you share some of this food with me.”
♡♡♡♡♡
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thanks so much for reading!!! can anyone tell that i really fucking love food by how often i incorporate it into my writing? 😅
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x you#bucky x reader#bucky barnes one shot#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes one-shot#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky fic
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