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industrial-fishing-simulator-rpg · 2 months

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07/11/2024 - Actual Play Report

Xenosphere I

NOTE: Usually in Industrial Fishing Simulator player character’s are called ‘Survivors’ and scenarios/adventures are called ‘missions.’ But I won’t necessarily use that language here.

Also I’m not trying to make this like the most perfect play report essay in the world, but I am trying to be somewhat thorough–so–know that.

Xenosphere I - Recording 1 - Introduction

Part I: Summary

Some time in the distant far future, when humanity has encountered a variety of extraterrestrial species and has spread among the stars, an ancient artifact is discovered on the oceanic planet Kestrasi Meridia (which is renamed from TOI-1452b, an actual possible exoplanet in the Draco Constellation). This artifact proves deeply mysterious, covered in strange writing, and is sending out a signal to a location deep underwater on Meridia.

A team of Survivors, made up of language, archaeology, and biology researchers, as well as nautical explorers is assembled to investigate the signal emanating from the strange artifact. These are the players of the game Xenosphere I for Industrial Fishing Simulator. They are sent on this mission from the Ixta-B87 research station by Dr. Helene Lazara and have been assigned the following roles:

Crew Roles and Directives:

The Concierge (played by Spencer) - Captain (must be filled)

Report in with Dr. Helene Lazara or check for any messages in the office.

Sir Barnaby Stephus III (Justin) - Xenolinguist

A few days ago, you requested some final analyses on the tablet’s hieroglyphics. Check the lab computer for any readout results.

deb (Emma) - Xenoarchaeologist

You’ve been researching the chemical composition of the artifact in relation to any compounds native to the planet Meridia. Your most recent test results should be available in the lab.

Shakes (Hannah) - Astrobiologist

Distract your peers from their tasks. (1) by alerting them of an incoming object of large size on the sonar computer; (2) destabilizing or sabotaging equipment; (3) lying. Or distract your peers from being suspicious of you by engaging in seemingly normal tasks for your role such as surveying the computer systems or asking for diagnostic information from NESSI.

You are a saboteur, a double agent–maintain absolute secrecy from your peers. You’ve received your orders from your implanted radio transceiver behind your ear. “Disable the emergency protocol system and sabotage docked submersible in Deep Search IX. Retrieve the Dialect Cube, designated Synta in the Xenosphere 45.909 W, -206.784 S. Assure you are the sole survivor. Press to alert.”

You are working with an organization known as the Inquisitorium who is operating in deep secrecy within the Neb Corp, working to sabotage their efforts to exploit ancient alien technology by capturing it for themselves. You do not know what a Dialect Cube or what a Xenosphere is.

You have an Inquisitorium contact, an android called ‘Pann.’

You can press your radio implant behind your ear to ping the Inquisitorium contact and will receive rendezvous information or other communications

You cannot communicate back other than to press your implant button twice for “yes” and three times for “no.”

Patback (Alex) - Nautical Technician

That power outage was strange. You need to check on the engine room and power supply.

Assure that the docked submersible craft in the docking bay is secure and available for use.

Pancake (Zoe) - Computing Officer

You kept it a secret from your fellow crew, but you touched the tablet with your bare hand and cut your index finger on its extremely sharp edge. You stopped the bleeding, but think you might have an infection. No one is allowed to touch the relic without safety equipment due to its radioactivity, and you need to check on the progress of your infection quickly.

Allegra (Bee) - Medical Officer

Prepare the high yield pressure suits for all crew found in the store room and assure all crew have oxygen tanks.

Check on the vitals of your crew mates. You might want to grab a bioscanner from the clinic.

Their underwater journey commenced aboard the research submarine Deep Search IX and travel had proceeded for several days for some several hundred nautical miles when a sudden power surge occurred. During the surge, the lights went dark, the entire crew miraculously went unconscious and the vessel descended rapidly by about 3200m near to the depth of the mysterious signal. When they awoke, they found that only a few minutes had passed and they went about their tasks as well as investigating the power surge.

The Captain of the submarine, a Khardimon called The Concierge (Spencer) went to the office and found a voice message from Dr. Helene Lazara which she had missed from last night.

Xenosphere I - Recording 2 - Message from Dr. Lazara

The voice message indicated that a power failure at another research station on the planet had blacked out communications and that the Captain should call Dr. Lazara soon to be briefed about a “situation.” Dr. Lazara also mentioned that she believed the artifact might be a key.

Meanwhile, Allegra (Bee) immediately went about collecting high yield pressure suits and oxygen tanks for the entire crew, but was intercepted by Pancake (Zoe), who revealed a strange wound on her hand to Allegra. Allegra examined the wound and found that the inside of the laceration was beginning to crystalize. Under a microscope, it appeared that the crystallization was growing out from the wound and the edges of the crystallization were rotating like saws, chewing through Pancake’s flesh and churning out crystal formation.

In the lab, Sir Barnaby (Justin) received the below readouts of a linguistic analysis of the glyphs that were found all over the artifact, which yielded strange and cryptic results. This was clearly some kind of alien language which was connected somehow to Khardimons, the enamel-based magnetically-sensitive alien species which appeared on Earth centuries ago. Also in the lab, deb (Emma) found a material analysis of the artifact which found a match. The artifact appeared to be composed of several chemical compounds: hydroxyapatite and fluorapatite crystals, and compounds from local corals. This meaning, the tablet was made of the teeth of some kind of creature in addition to the local coral component.

At this point, Patback was also in the engine room, where he discovered that the power surge which briefly knocked out the Deep Search IX had nearly drained all of the power cells in the submarine which would soon go into emergency power failure. Patback immediately changed out the power cells for fresh ones and then assessed the submarine’s auxiliary submersible in the lower docking bay. He surreptitiously packed himself some survival gear into the submersible (which can only seat 2) and went to join the others, but was briefly followed by Shakes who seemed to be checking out the area of the docking bay and cargo hold.

During this time, Shakes was receiving transmissions to their radio implant from an organization known as the Inquisitorium. Shakes was being ordered to distract the crew from their objectives but also to get to the signal first and retrieve an important relic for the Inquisitorium, betraying their crew mates.

At the control room, the Captain (The Concierge - Spencer) called back Dr. Lazara and a strange pick-up occurred in which most of the crew heard the following:

Xenosphere I - Recording 3 - Alien Transmission

At the end, the receiver was shot and a tracking signal alert popped up on the console, indicating that the Deep Search IX was now being tracked by an unknown source. Ixta-B87 station was downed. With some quick thinking, the computing officer, Pancake, managed to dislodge the tracking signal and the crew made their descent to the complex, where they were met by an alien structure mounted into the side of a geothermal vent some 3200 or more meters below the surface of Meridia’s dark waters.

This complex seemed to have an entrance protected from the water by a deep magenta energy field which the Survivors were able to pass through in their scuba suits unharmed. They entered into a large chamber where they encountered a closed impassable energy field and an access panel of sorts with a slot just the size of the ancient table they’ve been carrying. However, a little while before leaving they had just made the agreement to leave the tablet on their ship so they had to send a few people back to retrieve it before they were able to unlock the energy field and proceed further into the complex.

The next chamber was very large, containing two dais near the entrance which blazed with blue flames that smelled lightly of sulfur and at the opposite end two one-eyed statue-like figures who bared strange alien faces as seen in the image below (slightly resembling the Khardimon aliens). This room also had two magenta energy field doors and one green energy field door. But the Survivors didn’t have too much time to think before the statues began to wake up, chittering at each other before attacking the Survivors.

A pith collector head

A crappy map of the complex. (1) Entrance, (2) Trophy Hall, (3) Holding Tank, (4) Xenosphere

A somewhat fraught and desperate battle raged on for some time, the statue-like figures (pith collectors) using strange Khardimon magics to gain various upper hands, but the Survivors discovered that by coating their various weapons in the blue flame from the dais they could deal devastating attacks to these creatures. During the battle, there were losses, however. While it was Pancake who helped deal a death blow to one of the creatures, the other began to absorb its shattered friend and in the process melted Pancake’s mind, killing her. Additionally, the Captain (The Concierge) attempted to cast a spell but failed, causing a paradox from the Whoops! Table which resulted in her being swallowed by a dark vortex and being jettisoned into deep space thus removing her from the game. Ultimately, the remaining Survivors destroyed the last creature and were able to recover themselves.

However, during combat, Patback had managed to wander off through the green unlocked energy field into the complex’s trophy hall where he discovered many strange relics including a great slate-black khopesh and a fragment of an enormous glass-like dragonfly wing with a single watering humanoid eye in its center which kept Patback in a catatonic state as he stared at it. Luckily, he was rescued by his companions who would help to study this strange chamber, revealing at the end of the hall–a mural depicting an ancient Khardimon raising a khopesh above its head and holding the head of a slain victim in its other hand. An inscription of text matching that from the xenolinguist’s analysis of the table was also carved into the mural on removable stone cartouches which thus began the puzzle that would end the game.

Effectively, to summarize, the Survivors had to take clues from the analysis of the tablet, translating letters they learned there into words from an alien language, piecing together similar words into like meanings until eventually they could translate the puzzle in the final room of the complex–the Xenosphere, a large gyroscopic holding tank for an item called the Dialect Cube.

In one room, the trophy room with the alien mural, the Survivors found the word for liar/lies, and in another room, a strange room where they found a glass sarcophagus where a seemingly human woman wrapped in vines was entombed alive, they found the word for truth. Then in the Xenosphere, placing the cartouches of the words lies and truth on either end of the scale there would balance it and placing the word for balance found also in the mural room in the slot on the Xenosphere’s control panel would unlock the device.

When the Survivors had finished their puzzle, the Inquisitorium had arrived at the complex, surrounding the Survivors, handing over a large carbine to the saboteur Shakes and taking the Dialect Cube. The game ended with the remaining Survivors surrounded at gun-point, Shakes with the Dialect Cube in hand, and a mysterious organization at the forefront.

Part II: System Check, Play-Report

This game was very fun, but also very complicated. I knew it was going to be very complicated going into it. Mostly because of the xeno-linguistic puzzle I had devised to end the game and unlock the end of the “dungeon.” But, as soon as Justin (who played Sir Barnaby the xenolinguist) got his hands on the readout prop I had made of the alien language, he began working on deciphering it right away, which I would bet saved the game about an hour when they actually got to the point where they were gaining more clues for the puzzle. I was worried the entire week prior to playing that I had created a puzzle that was wayyyyy too hard for a reasonable person to solve within the one-shot TTRPG setting, but they did it. And using the system I arranged within the game, they paid as a team, 50 Lore points to receive one hint from me, and of course, received a little bit of guidance on the structure of the puzzle which I felt was not really something that helped them solve it but rather helped them to understand how to think about it.

Overall, I thought it was a fun experience. I had fun writing this game. I got to play with my linguistics chops which I always get a lot out of, and some of the repeat players like Bee (Allegra) and Emma (deb) said that they felt this was the best FishSim game yet and as newbies to TTRPGs in general felt like they got into their characters easier and had a more full roleplaying experience which made me very happy of course. Justin (Sir Barnaby) is a person that I’ve been playing D&D and other TTRPGs with for years and years and years–since the beginning and it was an absolute pleasure to have him and to see him immediately dive into the linguistics puzzle.

I am also glad that I got to have Zoe (Pancake) and Alex (Patback) join us as first timers to any TTRPG ever. It's been so great that FishSim is getting to see so many first time TTRPG players. RIP to Pancake who was absolutely eviscerated by the pith collector using the Eyes of the Architect ability, but it is what it is and Zoe had to leave anyway. Alas.

This is also the first FishSim game where we’ve gotten a lot of use out of the Whoops! Table which is rolled upon whenever a spell fails to cast. Unfortunately, it was mostly Spencer (The Concierge) who failed to cast any spells and died because of it, but in this game casting spells is extremely high risk, extremely high reward and I always warn all my players prior about this.

Once again, I am thinking of things to change mechanically in the game. I am thinking that Will is definitely not a necessary statistic separate from Stress. I am still pondering replacing it with Aware/Perceive or something similar. I think that could be beneficial. On the matter of spells–I am wanting to make spells a bit more sci-fi flavored so I’ve decided to rename them Compounds and I have decided that they are composed of ingredients in combinations of three which are combined in a device which helps a Survivor cast the Compound. When a failure occurs, a paradox occurs, and one must roll on the Whoops! Paradox Table to see what the resulting failure is. Thanks to Bee, I now have a list of 300 Compound recipes for these created by her swiftly programmed randomizer. So, I’ll be working on that for a long while, I’m sure.

Also thinking about Occupations as distinct from Species. Currently, FishSim only uses the term Occupation which refers to whether your character is Human, Android, Simulacrum, or one of three alien species. But I am wondering if it might be interesting to have Occupations as opposed to Species. That being said, it is still extremely helpful that every game starts with each character and player choosing a role on the ship and me sending them their personal directive. That really gets the game rolling and seems to be pretty fun for everyone prior to regrouping.

Part III: Personal Note

I put a lot of effort into Industrial Fishing Simulator, truly because I think it's fun to make my own TTRPG and I think it's fun to get my friends together in a room, play a silly sci-fi alien game, eat food, and gab. But I am also very grateful that people enjoy the stories I tell and see me as a good storyteller. And I’m glad I can make some of my friends’ very first TTRPG experience a good and memorable one.

I’ll be tabling Industrial Fishing Simulator for a couple months so I can edit in some of the changes I want to make but I’ll be back soon!

Thanks to everyone who reads these little play reports and who plays the game!

~ clio <3

#industrialfishingsimulator #indie ttrpg #ttrpg community #ttrpg art #ttrpg #osr

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bogkeep · 2 years

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there is a new philosophytube video about Interpretation Of Art and it's so so up my alley - like, hi, i studied art history and took a class in art philosophy, I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS the thing about Art that it's such a rich and meaty topic that it's impossible to cover everything about it. i'm probably one of the most obnoxious people to discuss the question of "what is art" with, i've had so many non-artists try to trip me up with "oh i know exactly how to define art" and it's like, trust me, if you can find a way to succinctly include everything You Personally consider art and exclude everything You Personally Don't, i'll give you a medal, otherwise you've just activated my ted talk powerpoint trap card. that's a discussion for another day, is what i'm saying. just because i literally went to university for this doesn't mean i know how to analyse art very well, nor am i an authority on Art Opinions. it's more like, i've given this a lot of thought from a lot of angles, and the TLDR is as usual, IT'S COMPLEX, IT'S CONTEXTUAL, IT'S SUBJECTIVE, IT'S GOING TO DIFFER FROM PERSON TO PERSON ARTWORK TO ARTWORK. i'd just like to continue the discussion, is all! the way i see it, every piece of art exists in as many ways as there are people engaging with it. yes, the artist's intent, skill and circumstance shaped it into what it is, but an artist cannot control how an audience will engage with their piece. you can possibly make an argument that if many people take a completely different message away from your work than what you intended, you've done a bad job of conveying it. i do think there's something to it, that so much of a creative craft is knowing how to successfully achieve the effect you desire. but then again, how does the most skilled craftsman in the world measure against Really Really Bad Reading Comprehension? bad reading comprehension exists for sure, but i also believe, that whatever version of a work someone has in their head is real to them. it's an interpretation that exists in some form, and there's nothing you can do about it. does it make it a good or a valid reading? who's to say, but it sure is a reading. if i've listened to a song for twenty years of my life without knowing what the lyrics were supposedly about, does that nullify those twenty years of what that song meant to me? I don't think so. if a writer creates a character that is autistic in everything but name but never realizes that's what they've written, does that invalidate every autistic reader that will connect and relate to them? if something made you laugh or cry or realize something about yourself, how is that experience unimportant? every artwork was created within the context of the artist, who they are, when they live, where they live, and all of it shapes their intent and their work. but everyone engaging with the work comes from their own context, everyone bring their own experiences to the table. everyone has lived their own life, you know? we all hold different knowledge. i also think a really big thing that doesn't get talked about enough is just, it's a big world, there's so many different cultures out here, and what you think is objective is probably not as objective as you think, because we're all soaked in the biases of our own cultures and our homes and the people we surround ourselves with. by whose standards do you judge art? we are not clean slates and art is a two way street. art affects reality and reality affects art, it's not some other dimension separate from the reality we live in. it's the thoughts and expressions of human beings alive in the world past and present. is there really just one correct way to engage with it all, is that not too narrow of a scope? look around you. you won't understand everything, you won't have opinions on everything, you won't connect to everything, you won't come from the right angle to everything. you might change your mind later or maybe never at all. sometimes though, sometimes things will hit you right at the right time, sometimes it just speaks to you, and that's an experience that's yours. y'know?

#too long for twitter #[dril voice] theres no difference between good and bad etc etc #i liked the video a lot!!! it just has no chance of covering Everything when it's such a big topic and such a short video. relatively #this is just me throwing another two cents at the ground because im VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT ART CAN YOU TELL IM PASSIONATE ABOUT ART #also i had to turn off the beta post editor to post this at all so that's weird

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gakkubi · 3 years

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Ame Trio Analysis: Konan

I want to share some thoughts on the Ame Trio/Ame Orphans because I do think they have one of the most complex, interesting and beautiful arcs in the Narutoverse. I will discuss their personalities and thoughts. This post is about Konan, there are also Yahiko and Nagato. (3/3): I'll end with Konan because she's the one who lives the longer and is impacted by both Yahiko and Nagato's death.

KONAN:

Also available in Russian: ссылка на русский перевод

Konan is possibly the hardest character to analyse because her stand-alone arc is the last one to appear, and the story doesn't dwell on her ideals and motivations until the very end - despite that, it's my personal belief she's one of the best female characters developed in the series. With a few exceptions, female characters in the Narutoverse will usually take the position of supporting the male characters - but unlike most of the other women, Konan's position of support actually makes sense with her character.

A person not being the "original creator" of the philosophy they follow or joining other characters to achieve a common goal does not mean they don't have a mind or will of their own; Konan is just as free to make her own decisions as the other characters.

While Yahiko takes the role of "fallen hero" and Nagato is the "unwilling protagonist", Konan is the ever-present observer; she's the last one to take the spotlight in the Ame Trio storyline, and with her, the last open ends are closed. Konan is the element which endured throughout all of the Ame Trio's different phases, from their start to their brightest and darkest points until the very end. She's the Angel, the one who will carry and reinforce the will she has received.

Konan has a moral trait which makes her strikingly different from Yahiko and Nagato; she is not loyal to abstract ideals, but rather concrete ones. Even though Yahiko and Nagato eventually digress on their philosophies, both dedicate their lives to the pursuit of peace and give up their lives to guarantee the survival of their goal, as abstract as it may be.

Konan, on the other hand, is loyal to people; of course she had beliefs of her own, but they mostly come from a local perspective, not a universal one. She's loyal to Amegakure; to her country, to her people, her citizens, her friends.

It's heavily implied in the story (more in the anime than the manga) that the people of Amegakure held her in high esteem (perhaps even more than they held Pain himself). This shines a new light on Konan, who early on the story was just an unknown villain of the Akatsuki - in fact, we come to learn most of the important aspects of her personality lie outside of the classic, evil Akatsuki.

To understand Konan it's important to understand the Ame Trio's dynamic as a whole; it's fundamental to consider that, just like Nagato, Konan owes her life to Yahiko's fierce will of surviving- her backstory alone with Yahiko is never shown but it's heavily implied that she was just as dependent on him as Nagato was. Like Nagato, her personality is much more passive and quiet until provoked.

Both Konan and Nagato were Yahiko's followers, and they were happy that way - they believed in his dream and his philosophy and found in the Akatsuki the meaning of their lives. It's important to understand that Yahiko's goals are also her goals, regardless if she was the one who created them or not; it's better to say he first inspired her into creating such dreams for herself.

Many other (very popular and loved) characters in the Naruto universe follow dreams and philosophies not originally created by themselves and are not perceived as mere "followers without opinion" like Konan sometimes is.

A common reason for the misunderstanding of Konan's character to claim she has no will of her own is that she continued to support Nagato even though he suffers an immense personality and philosophical shift after Yahiko's death. It's often wondered why Konan decided to stay by Nagato's side after Yahiko's death despite his radical change, and it's often associated with her having no ideas of her own. This is not true; the story builds a very logical and realistic reason for her to continue supporting him regardless of her truly agreeing with his new peace philosophy.

Very much like Nagato, Konan saw the people she loved and her reasons to live be taken away from her twice. The first time, it was Yahiko who gave both of them meaning and direction; the second time Nagato and Konan found themselves having nothing again - all they had was the legacy Jiraiya and Yahiko left behind.

Konan's life was saved by Yahiko twice; first when he helped her survive and second when he sacrificed himself so she could escape Hanzo's trap. It's important to realize the reason why Hanzo could trap Yahiko and Nagato is that they captured her first; although we have no evidence for this, it's possible Konan also felt guilt for "giving" the enemy a token to which they could manipulate Yahiko into obedience.

Yahiko being a key factor on her survival (both physical and mental) and her feeling responsible for his death are both factors that could result in her feeling immense guilt and a sense of debt with him. Like Nagato, Konan couldn't just let Yahiko's death be pointless after giving up his life for them.

Any reasonable person would have their hope shaken after seeing Yahiko get killed after his "non-violence, mutual understanding" philosophy failed. It would take an enormous endurance and faith to lose a person who she loved and keep on trying the same thing with the hope that "next time things will work as intended." Perhaps, things would never work as Yahiko imagined - perhaps his original plan needed adaptations.

However, unlike Nagato, Konan hadn't been conditioned by either Jiraiya or Yahiko to think that she was the one who would find the key to peace; she didn't spend her life pressured by the responsibility of coming up with a plan. Nagato was the one who the former leaders trusted would find the answer to end all the wars - and he stepped up to continue the "plan to peace" with his new ideas of how to get there.

And there's yet another important factor in all this; Yahiko had left her with a mission - the mission of supporting Nagato. The conversation where Yahiko entitles her with the responsibility of being by Nagato's side is highlighted in her fight against Obito to tell us, the audience, why Konan is so determined to help Naruto now - her mission of protecting the "savior of the world", originally given by Yahiko, had been transferred from supporting Nagato to Naruto.

Once we see the perspective of her feeling like she was in debt with Yahiko for saving her life twice - and adding love and guilt to the mixture, which makes it much harder for reason to overpower emotion -, it's easy to see why it could be hard to nearly impossible for her to dismiss the last mission she could actually complete; following Yahiko's will was a way of still being connected to him after he was gone.

Both Nagato and Konan nearly lost the meaning of their lives when Yahiko was killed and the original Akatsuki destroyed - both clinged to what they had left. Neither ever had a proper environment to deal with the grief they felt, a grief that echoed a childhood trauma that shaped all of their lives.

All of these factors are reasons why it would be hard for Konan to look objectively at what she was doing by supporting Nagato's new philosophy; however, Konan wasn't just guilt trapped into being by his side.

Konan, as I stated before, is much more pragmatic than her counterparts; she's loyal to what is hers - her friends, her nation. Even if we ignore the guilt or the "mission", it's safe to assume she would have stayed by his side anyway; Nagato was all the family she had left, and she was loyal to what was hers above all else.

Perhaps, if the mental conditions weren't so harsh, Konan could have resisted or opposed some of Nagato's new radical ideas more than she already did - debated with him, perhaps they could have convinced each other to stay in Yahiko's path. In the anime, Obito even says he relied on Konan for "calming" Nagato, which tells us that she reasoned with him to some extent - however, neither of them were able to keep their pain from overriding the morals they previously had.

Konan has a mind of her own, and it's shown to us in the moments where she disagrees either visually or verbally with Nagato's actions; Jiraiya's death, Konoha's destruction and the conversation with Naruto are moments where she confronts him. She is shown disagreeing with Nagato on multiple instances, which is proof that she felt she could voice her discontent with him - that she didn't feel completely trapped by guilt or that all she had to do was simply obey him; she was not just a voiceless "Angel" obeying her "God." We're also shown that Nagato disregards many of her opinions - by the time he becomes a villain, he is extremely narcissistic and confident in his hability to make the right choice - but that doesn't keep her from voicing her disagreement anyway.

It's not clear to us, the audience, how much Konan was hurt by Nagato's disregard (we're shown she is uncomfortable to some extent); it's the combination of her guilt, Yahiko's "mission" and her own faith in Nagato's plan that keeps her following their goal.

All the members of the Ame Trio value the search for peace above everything else, each in their own particular way.

Unlike Nagato, Konan has a much clear and objective way of thinking, interested only in what will serve them to achieve their goal and dismissing everything else that will not be useful.

Konan is never shown having any interest whatsoever in the other members of the Akatsuki (she never engages in the conversations they have), in the people of Konoha (which is why she condones wasting energy on being violent with them) or even in what Naruto has to say. All that she cares about is what is hers - her nation, her family; she's completely indifferent to everything else.

(That being said, I must note we don't know how her relationships with the other Akatsuki work as it would be impossible for her to spend almost 20 years without interacting with the other members. One of Konan's most important traits is her kindness, so it's "in character" to assume she would treat them respectfully and kindly, being fond of them to some extent; it's also safe to assume she didn't care about them at all, given her behavior in the manga. I think both interpretations are equally canonical because they lean on different aspects of her personality to fill a backstory we're never shown).

Although Konan is never shown being especially inclined to violence, her indifference and disergard for everything that is not hers - together with her own belief on Nagato's plan and the suffering which she endured - allows her to be the cold-blooded leader and killer she eventually becomes.

Konan believed in Nagato - like both Jiraiya and Yahiko did - while recognizing his flaws. When Naruto received recognition and acceptance from Nagato, he was incorporated to Konan's definition of what is "hers"; she aligns him in a sequence of "saviors" who she believed, a sequence that began with Yahiko and continued with Nagato. She makes the conscious decision of giving up her life for her dream of peace as Yahiko and Nagato have done before her.

Obito is the example of a person who Konan never incorporated on what is "hers" - this is clear on their fight where she says she studied his moves and his powers all the years they have worked together, and also clear on the passive-aggressive conversation they have after Jiraiya's death (Chapter 407). The way their relationship works - especially considering that she spent approximately half of her life working with him - also shows that Konan doesn't blindly support other characters for the sake of supporting them; for all we know, she trusted him much less than Nagato did.

It's also in Konan's fight with him that we see her analytical intelligence at full bloom - I dare say she is the most intelligent of the trio when it comes to strategy; first, for not ever truly trusting Obito to begin with (possibly because Yahiko also didn't), and second for being able to set a strategy that effectively killed him (hence why he used Izanagi - he was killed by her) with information based on her own observations.

Konan is extremely careful and precise; she pays incredible attention to detail, being able to draw accurate conclusions after analyzing just a little information.

Konan isn't ever shown to be hateful or angry, with the exception of her encounter with Jiraiya, where she treats him with spite, taunting him with the idea that following Orochimaru's suggestion could have avoided all the trouble he was going through with the Akatsuki. It's one of the few times we see Konan treating anyone in a way that is not kind or neutral, as if she held some type of resentment against Jiraiya - I like to think she blamed him, in a way or another, for not preparing them well enough for the cruelty of the world; for letting them be so naïve that Yahiko could be killed in a trap easily avoidable. It's obvious that Konan still held Jiraiya in some regard as it's easier for people to lash out on those who they like the most - after many years interacting with people to whom she was completely indifferent (outside of Nagato), Konan was finally talking to a person she had feelings for.

She is also - as described by Jiraiya and also viewed on the characters memories - a very kind, gentle, caring person; the very fact that she chose to save Nagato by sharing food with him shows her predisposition to helping others. Her kindness wasn't lost after Yahiko's death, but mostly replaced by the indifference she felt at everything that did not contemplate her goals, her family or her nation. After she accepts Naruto as being "one of her own" and sharing goals with him, she's quick to display kindness towards him and indirectly make amends with Jiraiya in the process.

As quiet, introspective person, Konan is very self-sufficient; although she is a member of the Akatsuki, she only interacts with them when necessary, probably spending most of her time alone or caring for Amegakure's business (as she shared both Akatsuki and Amegakure's leadership with Nagato and he was more active with the Akatsuki, it's safe to assume she cared for the other half). Her quiet, calmer nature matches that of Nagato; they could find understanding by having similar thought processes and also having a harder time processing their feelings, finding sympathy and comfort in each other.

Although I have mentioned that Konan might have felt a sense of debt towards Yahiko for saving her life, I want to highlight I see this feelings as possible only after his death because of its traumatizing circumstances; I don't think she felt she owed him anything while they were all alive, especially because it's never shown that he ever demanded such recognition. Yahiko and Konan have very distinct energies and personalities that complete each other, their relationship has a strong foundation because they share the same core beliefs and traits; loyalty and faith. I can see her falling in love with him for many reasons and one of them being by her admiring how hard he works to achieve the goal of peace.

Konan is a person that feels gentle and kind towards life as a whole; she doesn't seem to need much to be happy - as a child she made origami to pass time and have fun (and eventually used her intelligence to turn her passion into power); as an adult, the anime dedicates a scene to show her smiling to the rain while thinking of happy memories - happy for the sake of being in peace with the new direction she was taking her life after she and Nagato found someone to believe in again.

(Edit: Unfortunately I could not add another image to the post to illustrate this comment, but I wanted to talk about one aspect of Konan's personality that I like a lot and also forgot to mention. Despite her collected and serious demeanor, she also has a tendency to taunt people, a bit similar to Nagato's taste for ironic jokes. This is shown just a few times. In chapter 373, when Yahiko says he will save Nagato the next time something happens, Konan makes fun of him by remarking that Nagato is actually stronger than him, and she laughs when he gets annoyed. As I showed before, she also provokes Jiraiya with the hypothesis of things being better if Orochimaru had killed them. In her fight with Obito, despite his clear disinterest in what she was saying, Konan goes on to explain why Nagato and her betrayed him, and why he will never win. During the Water on a Frog's Face Training with Jiraiya she's also shown laughing at Yahiko's clumsiness. In my opinion, the way she evidently enjoys herself when she mocks people is strikingly contrasting to her generally unaffected personality, and personally I like that most of those times Yahiko was involved. Both in the anime, because of the animation, and in the manga because of Yahiko's surprise, I'm also under the impression that she was the one to initiate their kiss).

All of the Rain Trio's characters have very distinct and interesting psychologies; personally, I find Konan to be the most complex one because of the extreme discrepancies she displays, sometimes warm and kind, sometimes extremely cold and indifferent. I think the way she seems to only care about a very limited aspect of things is very attractive, as it shows how focused she is on her goals - as a nonviolent person, the most cruel act of Konan as a villain comes from her apathy to everyone else that is not part of what is "hers." Unlike Nagato and most of the other members of the Akatsuki who actively indulge in vile acts, she simply pursues her goals, removing anything and anyone on her way.

When he watch Konan's childhood, we see a child that is kind and light-hearted despite of all the pain she has endured, and only after being inflicted by yet another wave of suffering Konan's empathy and hope are shaken to the core; however, we learn her feelings were not dead but rather dormant, and it's by reconnecting to her core traits and beliefs that she finally finds peace in the very end.

#konan #meta #mymeta #naruto #naruto meta #character study #character analysis #analysis #amegakure

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van-zieksy · 2 years

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@scarlettjskipper @addicted-to-12th-intro @tirasany

Thank you so much, everyone! You are all so very kind. I am glad to have you as mutuals. <3 I figured I'd combine all your asks into one post. :)

Thank you @tirasany for the nice wishes! I am doing pretty well, though I will be glad when this move is over. :D

I thought it'd be the right thing to do to respond to your comments above, so I included them in this post: I do appreciate your kind words so much! I take what we know from canon and expand on it. And sometimes I just think that certain characters "deserve" to be analysed because they are often misunderstood. Now, there's not one objective truth, of course, that's impossible for anything in life, but I just enjoy analysing things intersubjectively (like in philosophy) by taking myself and my own feelings out of the equation as much as possible and merely look at all the facts and how they come into play. By doing so we are able to better understand a character, as often our minds can become clouded by all the influences we are exposed to, so an intersubjective approach can be helpful. I hope that explains how I approach subjects. :D Yet, understandably, that only applies to analyses of characters; other posts can be more personal and/or more subjective.

Am I serious or am i not in the posts you're referencing in your tags? That's the question. :D Let's say I try to be an intentional person. Sometimes I'm serious, sometimes I'm not, but I usually try to make that clear. Sometimes I leave content ambiguous so people have the freedom to interpret it in whichever way they'd like to, as sometimes it just doesn't matter for the post itself how I intended for it to be perceived. Every jest is rooted at least in some truth, right? Otherwise they wouldn't be jests. ;-)

I hope you are doing excellent yourself! Please allow me to say that I adore your "Van Zieks parents" concept. I'd love to see more of them. Of course I am also wishing you health and happiness and now a great weekend!

#asks #mutuals #personal

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years

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The Idiot ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky

In which the reader is the last Russian princess from our contemporary times and Fyodor is there to watch, observe, analyse and write a novel while being the reader’s sort of guardian/mentor, all while reader finds herself in an impossible, almost-Anna Karenina-like situation that drives her to desperate decisions.

And yes, I’m very much basing this story Dostoevsky’s “The Idiot” novel, Tolstyi’s “Anna Karenina” and Katyusha, both the Russian song, and the “Resurrection” novel from Tolstoy that has Katyusha as an unfortunate, yet important character.

Also, a little nod to our dear Ana Lesko for her song “Anicyka Maya”, which will serve as a cute little nickname for our dear reader, although the song is Romanian, and it’s about a seductive woman.

Other nicknames will include: Kiska ( kitten ), Zaika ( bunny ), Kroshka ( little one ), Krasotka ( gorgeous ).

I’m not Russian, I don’t know about Russia’s culture, history and language as much as I know about my own, obviously, but as ex-commie & ex-USSR, we still have a shit ton of similarities. Nevertheless, I will try not to get into too many details that will compromise authenticity.

Luxury, glamour, wealth, gold, jewellery, diamonds, class, facades, masks, masquerades, social gatherings, lies, marriages, politics, horses, deals, gambling... These represent some of the few words people from everywhere around would describe the royal family.

Why do some still exist, anyway? Shouldn’t they have just completely disappeared at the same time with the Romanov family? ...Stupid cartoon movies and their resurrection of Anastasia...

Nobody truly cares about these rich rats who worked naught for their wealth, and would never understand the struggle and poverty of the normal citizens of Russia...They just live in their abnormally huge palace, having more servants than the population of Moscow and eat at one meal more than normal people do in one week altogether.

How utterly ridiculous.

Their lives are all perfect, they marry themselves to keep that ridiculous purity and their infinite wealth in the family...How atrocious! What about charity? Kindness? Altruism? Helping out the common folk?

All these thoughts, and you’d think a very bitter and vindictive, very poor and malicious person came up with, and yet, the reality was rather distorted.

From the top stair of the palace, in a dark room, sitting on the windowpane, a gorgeous young woman cast her dull eyes over the snowy city and the people hurrying down the roads, hoping to go home before it got too late and cold.

Maybe they were poor and hateful, and rightfully so, she’d say, but perhaps they can also be deemed happier, if they can take into account their freedom...As much as the government provides them, at least - Yet even so, even the poorest person held more freedom than this caged bird, forever trapped and shackled by fate from the second she was born...As if she had any choice, that is.

Perhaps she deserves this treatment, this hatred, this...Manipulation from her own family, who only see her as a political and financial pawn, planning her marriage from the second she first cried into this world... Like a martyr, she will accept all torture and live on, never knowing what ‘living’ truly means, only imagining it by reading all day and all night long, or when she plays the piano one of the many songs she learnt.

As the grandfather clock rang to 7 times to announce dinner time, Y/N dressed in a simple, yet elegant dress, put on a pair of classy black stiletto shoes, and went down to the luxurious dining room, sitting in her usual seat, only for a brunet stranger dressed in white to grace the sight with his unexpected presence.

She didn’t dare speak to him, yet her eyes couldn’t leave his form, no matter how her meek demeanour made her hung her head to avoid showing anything other than her demure expression.

Thankfully, her parents arrived, along with the waiters that served the food, so it saved some of the awkwardness of the unknown.

“Y/N, darling, this man here is Fyodor Dostoevsky. He is here as a writer, wanting to learn more about us and about people in general. As a compromise, he agreed to be your personal guard...Considering the other one was a sacrilege to our dear daughter...What a lecherous man, making advances on you...But, anyway, let us toast to the success of this young man’s writing career!” the mother raised her champagne, and the four of them clinked glasses. “I thank you for the unique opportunity to learn and understand society and people better. May you live a long and prosperous life.” this new stranger held a charming smile on his face, trying to impress and buy everyone’s trust. “Do you have yet any idea about the theme of your novel? Or, perhaps an idea for a title?” the father asked, making the brunet shake his head softly. “No, not yet, unfortunately. I prefer to study hard, and only then, when I am educated enough, to allow the flow of creation to take over me.” this Fyodor nodded in acknowledgement, while the girl kept completely silent for the duration of the dinner, waiting for everything to be over so she could escape back to the little faux haven she created and called ‘safe’. “Y/N, show Mr. Fyodor to your room, he will be sleeping there for now on. The butlers already brought a spare bed there, so it’s alright.” the mother waved her hand dismissively, and the girl could only bow quickly and go back to her room, making sure to point out what each of the rooms represent, before reluctantly inviting him to her bedroom. “Please, make yourself at home, Mr. Dostoevsky. I hope it will be comfortable and to your liking. Should you need anything, please do not hesitate to tell me so we can make your stay as great as possible.” she spoke to him in a soft, meek voice, not daring to make eye contact in any way. “Call me Fyodor, no need for formalities. We are going to room together, might as well become friendly. What don’t you tell me about yourself? Your hobbies, your interests, your dreams, your aspirations.” the brunet paced around the room, observing all of her personal objects, which, turned out, except for jewellery, books, a small, pink Gloxinia, and a pickup with 1920s British vinyls, there was nothing to represent her...Which was, in its own way, an intriguing peculiarity. “I...Like reading, flowers, music...And I wish I could get a dog and learn how to play the violin too. There aren’t many interesting things about me...I’m not special or anything out of the ordinary. I am not allowed to put myself out there in any way, so this is the little I could do to express who I am.” so tried to be as vague as possible, fidgeting on her feet uncomfortably, knowing that the punishment for embarrassing the family would be grave, should it be known. “Hmmm...I see, I see...Ah, you’re a Tolstoy reader, I see. Anna Karenina...Very interesting, yet tragic, wouldn’t you say?” he asked, picking up a book that was supposed to be hidden. “N-No! Don’t take that out of there...Nobody can know I have it. I was strictly forbidden from reading it...Please don’t tell anyone I have this book.” the princess snatched the book from his hands, hiding it further back in the bookshelf. “Ohh~? Why would you not be allowed to read a Russian book? You’d think the Russian princess would be urged to read Russian literature.” he stepped in front of her, picking her chin and raising her head slightly to allow him to look deep into her fawn-like eyes. “Because of the ending...And the controversial decisions Anna made, some of them even contradictory to her own beliefs, and yet, she made her own decisions, at some point in her life. When your fate is decided from before you are born, having opinions is the worst enemy of a puppeteer...Wouldn’t you agree?” she muttered, walking away from him, taking her nightgown and walking towards her bathroom.

This made the man think more about how dysfunctional this supposed perfect royal family actually was. The illusion of a flawless individual, living together, forming a flawless family, a flawless life, in a flawless palace.

Perhaps facades aren’t as obvious to see through, or understand, for while the parents are completely bland...This girl...So much potential locked away in a timid chest of massive oak wood, embellished with overly expensive jewellery, clearly unwanted. She could be a genius, shining in her happiness, glowing like her dazzling smile, and yet, there she is, eclipsed by chaff, when she could be burning brighter than the morning Sun.

Those parents of hers think he wants to be here and get dazzled by the infinite stream of diamonds that keep flowing around the whole place - And yet, perhaps they are the ones living in mental poverty, considering they believe financial wealth and fame is the sole reason for being alive - To uphold a certain kind of status that they worked naught for, but received hereditary, from one lazy deadbeat to yet another generation of useless people for this society.

They truly are like the plague, incredibly rare nowadays, but completely fatal once you fall grasp to their dark claws that drag you to hell to succumb to their completely fictional utopian world that they create only amongst themselves, as if whatever lives beyond these golden walls is putrid and deserves to rot to pieces.

As his mind wandered farther and farther away down the country, snowy roads he created with his own imagination of thoughts, he heard the bathroom door softly open, and the angelic creature garbed in a thin - Possibly silk, snow white nightgown - Stepped back into their now shared room, and just as before, her demeanour resembled that of a small, frightened fawn, or a bunny.

When you have to deal with such a pure being that could completely shatter, it’s difficult not to impulsively break down all walls around and snatch her away - It’s close to impossible not to attempt to test all existing boundaries and see the limits where she would break...Or, almost, at least.

However, abstinence makes for a great suspense and greed...You want more...And more...And the more you wait, the harder it is to resist, but the satisfaction you get when the frail creature trusts you enough to eat from your own palm, and you finally claim it as yours...

It’s Heavenly.

“Sweet Dreams, Fyodor.” she spoke softly, putting on a Tchaikovsky vinyl and picking up a book, getting in bed and reading it, the only light still open being a dim lantern on her nightstand. “How would you like to show me around the city tomorrow?” the brunet asked so casually that it shocked the girl enough to drop her book on her lap. “O-Oh...U-Uhmm...I’m not exactly to go out of this place unless it’s for Christmas shopping...I’m sorry I can’t properly do as you wish...” she quickly took her book back, hiding her face to hide her embarrassment and disappointment. “Well, then, what a gorgeous coincidence, isn’t it? In barely two months, Christmas shall come, and then, you can properly show me around, correct?” the man mused, the ghost of a smirk playing on his face. “..You’re right! My, you’ll get to see the beautiful fairy light and Christmas decorations all around the city! I can’t believe it, you truly chose the perfect time to come here. Oh, and, the ballet, the opera and the national orchestra are going to perform...I believe The Nutcracker is going to play this year...And Traviata. It should be beautiful, don’t you agree?” Y/N asked with a soft smile on her face, sparks gleaming in her eyes, and for the first time since he’s met her, it felt like she was finally alive. “Yes, yes, I would have to agree. And if you are there with me, the experience will be even better.” he hummed, teasing the poor girl who had no idea what else to say to such bold affirmations. “O-Oh...W-Well...Th-Thank you...I-I think...Your presence there will also make the going out more interesting...And nice.” she offered a comeback that pleased the man well enough. “Good night to you as well, Printsessa.”

What a lovely young woman, he thought, as he closed his eyes and let his mind fly at different aspects of life and of humanity, trying to decipher each and every person he met that day and wondering if his assumptions were correct, as they always are.

Morning came by faster than expected as a shy ray of of Sun creeped inside the room through the window, but Fyodor was already awake, writing at the desk rather rapidly - Most likely, he had some inspiration hitting him, so he proceeded to pour out his conflicting thoughts on the paper, all while stealing a peek from time to time at the girl sleeping peacefully, almost as if she was a Disney Princess.

The way the soft light caressed her face had him take the stray streak of h/c hair and pull it back so it won’t tickle her awake, while also being allowed to watch her peacefully inhale and exhale, a small smile on her face...Perhaps she was having a beautiful dream? Was that why she told him to have sweet dreams? Were her dreams her only lovely escape from this horrible reality she was forced to live in?

There were so many mysteries yet to be unveiled, but all in due time, as Fyodor noticed the gentle flutter of her lashes, and with a grace only reserved to a Swan Princess, she raised and stretched with a sweet hum, and the brunet man watched as his eyes felt absolutely blessed seeing such a beauty...

If people complained that Disney Princesses weren’t relatable, since they have messy hair when they wake up, just like Anna, they clearly haven’t seen how perfect Y/N looks, even as she blinks her sleepiness away.

“I see you slept well, Printsessa. Good morning.” she heard him speak, and she noticed it wasn’t as en garde and...It almost seemed...Pleased to see her. “Fyodor...You woke up before me. You should have woke me up. Please wake me up next time, I wouldn’t want you to feel lonely or upset. This place is like a piranha tank...Thread carefully, otherwise, you’re like a little animal who fell in.” she quickly got up, rushing through her daily routine so she could be by his side, not only because her parents assigned her to that, but also because this Dostoevsky man is the only little thing that could rip her out of her completely dull routine and show her a little bit of insight into what could be something out of her imagination entirely. “Aww, the little songbird wishes to spend time with me, how adorable. Very well, Printsessa, what is it that you want to do today? My job here is to observe and write, after all.” he asked, crossing one leg over the other, resting his chin on his fist, watching her with intense interest. “Oh, well, I have to practice the piano today, but other than that, I have nothing in my schedule.” she explained, guiding him to the music room that very much resembled a whole orchestra surrounding a place - Not too small, yet not too big either - Meant for ballroom dancing. “I bet the national orchestra isn’t as fancy as this place is.” he mused, walking up to the cello and tracing his fingertips across the chords. “...Do you know how to play it?” she asked, walking up to him, having the curiosity of a baby fawn exploring the world. “Would you like to hear?” he asked, sitting on the chair and expertly hugging the cello, he grabbed the bow and teased the girl with a mischievous look in his gleaming purple eyes. “Oh, yes, please, if it’s not too much to ask! It would be absolutely splendid.” Y/N clasped her hands together, grinning widely as she stepped a few feet away to give him enough space so he could start playing. “It would be my pleasure, Printsessa.” and with the nod of his head, he started playing the famous Sugar plum fairy song, making the girl gasp in surprise at how gorgeous it sounded.

She crouched to reach the perfect eye view of the bow gliding along the chords, her mouth slightly agape and she gazed with absolute wonder, not even realising when the song was over, for she was much too mesmerised.

“Well, Printsessa, how did you like it?” he rested his arms on the curves of the cello, leaning forwards for a better look at her. “That was better than even our national cello player! It was absolutely stunning, woaw...Just...You left me speechless! You’re...You’re...You are...Perfectly splendid!” she clapped for him rapidly and incredibly enthusiastic, making him chuckle in amusement at her cuteness. “Why, thank you, Printsessa. How about you entertain me now, little Anicyka Maya?” he carefully put the Cello in its place, stepping in front of her and caressing her porcelain skin, quenching his thirst for discovery by seeing her rosy cheeks. “Well...I can’t say I’m anywhere as great as you are...But, sure. I hope you will like it.” she looked down, fidgeting with her fingers as she hurried timidly to the piano, and taking a deep breath, cracking her fingers, she liter her fingers skillfully dance over the keys, as her voice followed every word of the song called “Katyusha”. However, she wasn’t expecting him to applaud and whistle to her, congratulating her for being such a beautiful nightingale. “You clearly underestimate your hard work and talent. Perhaps we should play together one day. I’m sure it would put a smile on your parents’ faces.” Fyodor bowed to kiss Y/N’s hand, only to hear the door opening. “Yes, Mr. Fyodor, we would quite like to hear the two of you dueting together. Since Y/N will have to perform both dance and a song at the piano, as a Christmas tradition, it will show how much she’s improved...If at all. I have to tell you the truth, Mr. Fyodor, over the past few years, she has been exceptionally disappointing...Well, perhaps you coming here will prove to give her a jolt in the right direction.” Y/N’s mother came out of nowhere in the music room, almost as if she was stalking the pair, and Fyodor could see how the Princess’ behaviour changed 180 degrees, and from the excitable and lively young girl, she went back to hide in her guarded shell, trying to protect herself from the numerous blows everyone throws her way.

And just as he expected, once they started playing, despite throwing in one or two intentional mistakes, while she had none of her own, the mother reprimanded her daughter, while praising him. He thought, at first, this was going to be some kind of tough love encouragement and determination she was trying to give the girl, but truly, it was nothing more than unrealistic dreams of an already flawless performance.

This family was nowhere close to being the perfect, or the most loving one, that was without a doubt. But being so horrible to your own daughter, humiliating her in front of a complete stranger, making her tremble softly while trying her best to keep herself from bursting into sobbing fits, was a whole different kind of cruel and unnecessary malice.

For some reason, Fyodor felt a certain kind of warmth in his chest...But not the same kind of warmth he feels when he is around Y/N, but something...Similar to fury. To rage. He was sure he never felt such a personal sort of offense, despite not being him that was belittled.

A terrifying sort of justice bubbled inside him, and he smirked, thinking about just one sole thing.

Crime and Punishment.

Fyodor hoped dearly that it would be only the maternal figure that was the problem, yet it seemed to be much worse, and the toxicity levels that kept vibing all over the place seemed to be equivalent to that of Chernobyl at the time of the explosion.

All throughout the week, he noticed the dirty looks all the staff was giving the Princess, possibly because she was being a shy and quiet pushover...But it went completely beyond his understanding how these servants would even dare be so rude to her, considering she is always so sweet to them, always forgives their mistakes and shares her whole allowance with them in equal parts...

But they complain it’s not enough. They complain others get more, or less, but clearly, they don’t care about that, they just want more and more money...They are greedy jackals who don’t care about the life or soul of a poor little lady who just wants to be happy...

But perhaps happiness isn’t meant for royalty.

A week until Christmas, and Fyodor was ready with the quick draft, and he left it on the desk for Y/N to read, and he couldn’t help but admire and drink in each and every emotion she would express on her lovely face with every word she read, every action, every chapter that stirred more and more conflicting feelings and thoughts battling together - Conflicts that she was trying so hard to hide, no doubt feeling his burning, hawk-like stare on her, analysing her as if she was a new specimen under a microscope.

She was great at hiding what she truly felt, yet her eyes betrayed her inner self, the sparkling of nostalgia and sadness crawling out, shrieking at the top of her lungs to be discovered and taken out of this well of darkness she was drowning in - She wanted to be saved, she was at her breaking point, and clearly, she was afraid.

Afraid of life. Afraid of people. Afraid of her family. Afraid of this society. Afraid her own self. Afraid of her actions.

And most of all.

She was afraid of spiritual, mental and emotional imprisonment.

As Christmas approached with rapid footsteps, Fyodor could notice how Y/N stiffer, more silent, flinching more, keeping herself in check, alone, barely speaking to anyone...Clearly, she was being stressed out and afraid of the consequences of screwing up anything.

Perhaps, the problem here was the fatalist and completely out of her control destiny she was thrown in, and she knew from the very beginning that, no matter how flawless her performance was, she would still be reprimanded and punished, so she resigned herself to this kind of treatment...The same as every year.

“It’s so beautiful outside...And it’s snowing...! So soft and cold...It’s almost numbing you entirely, but the beauty of Christmas still melts down even the most frozen of hearts.” she spoke with such sadness dripping from her tongue, that Fyodor felt the need to take his fur hat and put it on her head before taking a hold of both of her hands, rubbing them together and kissing her knuckles. “It’s not the day or the decorations that are supposed to move a person, but the kindness and altruism of people. From what I’ve seen in the past weeks, the only consistency in this place is the beauty of your heart and the cruelty of everyone else that keep eclipsing you. You deserve better than this, kroshka.” the man spoke simply, waiting to see the way she’d react. “...I didn’t choose this life, nor did it choose me, yet here I am, trying to keep my head above the water in a whirlpool. I have all my life planned and written ahead of me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. From the very beginning, since before I was even born, they knew they will sell me out to some old, rich man, just so they could benefit, but they cared naught about my well-being, as long as I could keep him entertained in any way possible. The least I can do is try to enjoy the little things...Even if they are nothing more than just that...Little things.” she admits to him, taking away her hands and holding them to her chest, too afraid to trust her own heart. “You let the servants make a mockery out of your kindness. You let your family humiliate you in front of everyone. You let common folk bash you, even if you tip them greatly...Tell me, krasotka, have you read the draft to my book yet?” they continued to stroll down the cobbled streets, looking up at the snowflakes gently dancing in the light of the lamposts, as Fyodor carried most of her shopping bags that held Christmas gifts for everyone but herself. “Yes...I did...But I did not finish it. I was much too afraid to read the ending of it.” she nodded to him, biting her lip nervously. “Afraid? Why ever would you be afraid of reading some words made of ink on a piece of paper?” the man frowned in confusion and interest, hearing such a peculiarity of an answer. “Because...Because I know that Prince Myshkin actually represents me...And how life treats me...So I’m afraid the ending will hint to Anna Karenina’s ending...And I don’t want that. I don’t...That’s why I’m afraid...I’m scared that...I’m scared that I won’t be able to endure this madness anymore, and sooner, rather than later, I will shatter into an unrecognisable version of myself that not even I will decipher...And I will do scary things that I would otherwise be afraid of even thinking about. You know I read the book, I wouldn’t put it past you to tease me like that.” she smiled ironically, shaking her head to stop herself from shuddering at such a dreadful thought. “Congratulations, Printsessa, you are surely insightful. However, I must advise you to read it, and keep in mind that you are not entirely wrong in your thinking. While the ending isn’t identical to Tolstoy’s novel, it isn’t on the complete opposite spectrum either. What you read is one of the possible outcomes of your life, should you choose to remain a passive onlooker and let everyone control you, like a little, pretty doll. Should you, however, choose to take fate into your own hands and finally make your first choice of your life...I can promise you, you are going to be much happier.” Fyodor kissed her forehead before leading her back to the palace so she could take the day off...For tomorrow, she must perform.

But the author wasn’t lying, Y/N realised as she spent the last hours past curfew to finish the book, and she realised that while Myshkin didn’t kill himself, he was still dead inside, and just like the catatonic state he was stuck into, she has been living a life of complete comatose herself. Fyodor was right all along - A life without choices is not a life, nor is it one without freedom and happiness - And maybe, for the first time in her life, she would make the most difficult decision the universe threw at her, and that was to choose between Duty and Happiness, something every royal member, especially women all over the world, who were seen as nothing more than political and decorative objects meant to create heirs and nothing more, had to pick, and dutifully chose to sacrifice themselves to keep the family and the nobility going.

But not anymore....

“You look beautiful today, my little zaika. This velvet colour of your dress, the way it highlights you stunning silhouette...And this jewellery...And your hair and make up...You are above and beyond the most beautiful person to ever grace this life. How are you going to enchant us today?” Fyodor pat down his white suit so he would look completely impeccable...Or, perfectly splendid, as Y/N would say. “Does it truly matter, in the end? Nobody but you will pay attention, and at the end of the day, I will only hear critiques. It’s the same every year, so there is no point in bothering to stand out, have any particularity or give a name. It just...Is. So...Let me get this over with so I can go to my room and pretend this day never happened...Again.” she muttered, hooking her arm to his, entering the big ballroom together.

A ton of people were there, not only family, but enough family ‘friends’, all of them incredibly rich, with a combined fortune great enough to buy the whole Russia somehow...And all eyes were on her. She didn’t mind. She was used to the nervousness and the either critical or lustful stares she received - But only during these kinds of events, and because she was a Princess, otherwise nobody would have cared about her existence or her feelings...

Nobody...Except for Fyodor.

Until the time of his arrival, nobody cared about her, nor did they bother trying to understand or talk to her, and yet, here he was, always by her side, and frankly, she fell in love with him. She, for the first time in her life, cared naught about everything surrounding her, and she thought solely about him and their time spent together. That is all that mattered to her.

So, with that in mind, and a warm heart, she performed the Waltz of Flowers flawlessly at the piano, along with a few other songs, adding some festive ones. Fyodor was absolutely captivated by the spells she put on people whenever she radiated with such pure gentleness, just like Christmas’ true angel.

Her fingers glided so gracefully over the keys, as she hummed along the music, not even bothering to look at the sheet, for she new everything by heart - But somehow, it all sounded even more magical than before, and nobody could tell why.

But Fyodor knew, and he smiled, figuring out her trick. And he was going to call her out for that when this whole charade was over. But for now, he allowed himself to enjoy bathing in her radiating warmth, for she was shining brighter than the Sun itself.

By the time she finished her little repertoire, she did a pretty courtesy and walked to the man in the white suit, taking a glass of red wine and sipping from it, that gentle smile never leaving her face.

They exchanged no words, but there was no need for that, as the look in their eyes spoke more than anything else, and they danced the night away, together, in graceful and intimate waltzes, or swaying together, keeping their hearts glued together, beating in sync and feeling each other’s heat.

She might not have wanted to end up like Karenina, but she wasn’t too far away from her situation, and she knew very well, should she leave with this man, she was going to break down every rule, and find an identity for herself, after all these years.

But happiness is emphemeral in the life of a Princess, and just before the Christmas Ball ended, her parents dragged her to the table of this old man, so they would share gifts. This old man, who so happened to be the man chosen to be her future husband, and had fewer hairs on his head and teeth in his mouth than her age.

Most of the gifts were pretty basic - Jewellery for women, cigars, fedoras, watches for men...But for her...She received some of he oddest gifts so far - And yet, she thought life couldn’t surprise her anymore.

Several little outfits, fit for babies, were neatly folded in all boxes, sans one - The sole box being a small, velvet box, which revealed a sapphire ring that expressed the definite bond of marriage that must be officiated very soon, through papers and a church ceremony.

Frozen was the clock, frozen was the time, and frozen was life itself, for the shock was great - Being put on the spot is scarier than the anticipation and fear of venturing into the unknown - Yet here she was, with her supposed fossil of a husband, with several babies promised to be born, and a very angry author, watching the disgusting exchange of pleasantries between the elder people.

He noticed Y/N doing a little courtesy, excusing herself with a nervous smile, and rushing out of the ballroom, the clicks of her elegant heels giving away her location at all time. Following her, he saw her on the edge of the rood, barefoot, her back to the empty space, as she hummed, looking up at the clouds pouring snow, and swaying to her tippy toes occasionally.

“You sure like the feeling of being alive, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be staying there after being faced with such a disgusting situation.” he pointed out, clasping his hands behind his back and carefully stepped towards her. “Life is full of surprises. But it is not called life, unless you have a say in the paths that you go down by. Today, I realised what I have to do in order to achieve true bliss and happiness...Something ethereal, although utopian in its quintessence. I have to make a choice. And right now, I’m making it.” she smiled, extending her arms to the side, resembling a Goddess, as a few stray tears streamed down her face - But they were tears of relief, not of fear, anxiety of depression. She was happy. “You said you didn’t want to choose the path of Karenina, nor of Myshkin, and yet, there you are, on the brink of death, as the way to show that you are no longer a caged bird. Is it truly worth it, in the end?” Fyodor asked, frowning at the delusional words she was spewing. “Death is but the beginning of a new adventure, and with me falling, I will find out what freedom is, unlike all the other Princesses before me. It is not death I’m choosing, nor will I regret it as soon as I step into this free fall hazard, like Karenina, and, as you can see, I chose to wake up from my catatonic state, unlike Myshkin. I know what awaits me as soon as I reach the ground...But do you?” Y/N hummed in amusement, watching the conflict painted all over his face - And it was for the first time that Fyodor showed such confusion and inner turmoil, that much was obvious to her. “Stop this, Y/N, I don’t understand your reasoning, but don’t kill yourse- “ but he couldn’t finish his sentence, for the girl uttered just a few words - Words that changed even the rotation of the Earth around the Sun - And as she pushed herself on the tips of her toes, she embraced the cold wind of Winter being her guide down to the ground, as she watched the snowflakes following her down.

And she smiled.

Because love won, and life won, and she knew she chose correct - These weren’t the times to choose everyone else over herself anymore, and nor is she a saint, a martyr, an angel, or some perfect Christian role model. She was just a woman thirsting for happiness and for the tangible sensation of life and of flying, and with this jump, she got completely wasted.

The secure embrace of a white angel made sure she lived for another day, but not quite, for her guardian angel jumped to save her, yet had no idea himself that he wasn’t the only special one, after all, and just as they were going to reach the ground, time seemed to stop, and they reached the ground gracefully and softly, like two linked feathers.

She lay down on the crystal blanket of snow, laughing mirthfully, almost with a childlike charm, as her long hair was sprawled all over her, and Fyodor’s arms were fiercely holding her, and he looked down at her, his eyes wide in understanding.

“I didn’t choose death. I chose life. I chose love...I chose you, and I chose me. I knew you had an ability too, and that you were confident in it, so I was sure that, should you choose to, you could jump from the roof of the palace to save me - Which you did. I never really have the opportunity to use my ability, but it’s rather useful in some situations, if I can say so myself. So, by the way you’d respond to my feelings and actions, I’d know whether I chose right or not...I think we both know the answer now, don’t we?” she grinned mischievously, extending a hand to his face to caress it gently. “That’s the most idiotic, most reckless thing anyone has ever one...And yet, you strategised everything, as if we were pieces in a game of chess. How did you get the courage to reach such a conclusion?” his voice was low, like a murmur, trying to understand her impossible, labyrinthine mind. “Life offered me a Christmas gift today, and that was serendipity, so, I used it. Everything else was a perfect strategy of a game of chess I played myself - The White King versus the Black King - And, was far as my luck and the universe brought about, I believe I won. But you must still answer back, otherwise, the magic will vanish.” Fyodor noticed a smirk growing on her face - One that somehow resembled his, and he almost felt conflicted seeing her mimicking him in his demeanour, in a way...But he also felt incredibly proud. “I cannot take you with me, Y/N. The part I walk is dangerous, it could even be fatal, and I would rather you not walk down a boulevard of broken dreams. You just now achieved happiness, don’t throw it out of the window. It a world full of crimes, I choose to be both the justiciar and the executioner of the unworthy. In a world of crime, I shall inflict punishment upon the evil-doers and paint this world red with the blood of the guilty.” he wanted her, he truly didn’t want to leave without her, nor did he want to leave her alone, here, with these hyenas, but could he really have it in his heart to endanger her so? “Fyodor, my darling, it matters naught for me whether I live or die, as long as the journey is by your side, and I’m not shackled anymore. I want to see, I want to hear, I want to touch, I want to taste, I want to smell, I want to learn. Everything. Without exception. There is a whole world out there, open, waiting to be explored and unveiled, and I shall be its explorer. As long as I have you by my side, I will surely be fearless. Being a hero, being a villain, or anything in between is of no concern for me...However, I cannot deny that I would be rather...Interested in seeing you deliver the sentence down to...Some specific people.” she giggled, winking at him, as she obviously hinted towards her kin and the unlimited amount of gossips she has heard about so many people, over the years.

With a wide smirk on his face, Fyodor Dostoevsky helped Princess Y/N on her feet and gave her a passionate, fire-like kiss, before picking her up bridal style and making their way to her room, so she would start packing and leave at the earliest convenience.

There may still be a bit of official work to do at the palace, and as his ability is called, there is no crime without punishment, he was going to make sure of that. Until then, there was one thing certain, and one alone, that was going to guide the both of them to a path of exciting uncertainty and thrill.

“I love you, my dear Y/N.”

#bsd fyodor #bsd anime #bsd #bsd x reader #bsd imagine #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs imagine #bungou stray dogs #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor dostoevsky imagine #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor dostoevsky #bungou stray dogs fyodor #bungou stray dogs fyodor x reader

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haknew · 3 years

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pls talk about your thoughts about chanhee and also the other concepts!! I always have such a hard time interpreting music and videos but i love to read about it

“bestie pls share ur thoughts on make your own concepts specifically chanhee’s but any others that are ur fave too 🎤- mar”

omg mar thank you for enabling me all day today 😭🥺🧡 thenks bestie ily :,)) and thank you too anon ! i should preface that T-T i have not read any other theories or analyses so these are just my opinions / impressions but i hope it’s entertaining to read about haha :p ! (feel free @ anyone to add on or share your thoughts too ! :,))

HYUNJAE - okay so audio cues... if you listen to the beginning there’s a sound of a bomb going off before the music starts ? and that ties into the dystopian / cyborg aesthetics that jump out at me of course, but what i immediately thought of was their no air perfo ? like we know hyunjae in the no air mv got that shot where he’s laying in the bathtub filled with water but also their kingdom performance with it also had those underwater shots ! so i think it ties into that... i feel like we saw in gen z, he’s a very straightforward person he says things on his mind which can come off as blunt but he thinks it’s better than not saying it ? which is interesting bc i think that speaks to his self- determined personality, he’s much more inclined to do whatever it takes to get something done, which i think falls perfectly in line with the “make your own air” phrase that he gets, if it’s something he needs he makes it himself, in a situational sense methinks u.u

JUYEON - JUYEON’S DJSKHDG i’m waiting for dri’s essay but in essence we see the gen z “juyeon is not such a good boy” shot and these text bubbles that pop up that say “sexy” “you so hot” “such a bad boy” and tbh i like this ‘concept’ ? for him better than his gen z one ? it’s not bc of the concept itself but i like the idea that he can “make your own character” as in he has the capability and power to be whoever he wants to ! you see him throwing white paint at the gen z canvas and i think ?! that’s symbolic of like a fresh canvas ! of remaking himself to whatever he wants bc the canvas is now blank again thanks to the white paint and flowers usually indicate spring ? so renewal and stuff like that ! i really like his, it’s also fun word play on “character” which has been juyeon’s intro in tbz (bc his name sounds like main character in korean) but yea :o ! i really love his the idea he can just repaint / paint over a literal image of him gives it the possibility of becoming smth new and that’s so so cool

CHANGMIN - SCREEEEECH okie um oh boy um *windows shutting down noises* this was so so so very different from his gen z stuff but i actually think BOTH are equally perfect for him ? the way that he set up the sparklers and neon lights on this very obviously trashy and kind of rundown rooftop with the cityline behind him is so ?!?!? LITERALLY making his own stage as his tagline goes, sort of like how the physical stage itself does not matter but rather it’s changmin himself that makes the stage special ! i talked about this in gabi’s set that i rbed ;-;/ but changmin puts a lot A LOT of stake in his position as a dancer it means almost everything to him as a form of expression from what i can see ? so he’s always trying his best to put forward the best performance possible and seeing this segment makes me feel like he’s doing just that ! pouring himself into it to make his stage pls i care him

HAKNYEON - god i’m a jusadan but just u.u rest in peace me, i’ll ... T_T be kind of honest this one confuses me a little ? i have assumptions and i feel like i know ... quite a bit about haknyeon (LMAO) my best guess is it has smth to do with self assurance ...? the way he’s framed and the fact that he’s sitting on a bed in the middle of a church surrounded by candles gives me christ figure symbolism (where my ap english takers at :/) and the light that perfectly frames him in a halo gives me angel vibes too, but the tagline of “make your own romance” paired with him kissing his reflection makes me think it’s about self love ;;;; from what i can tell haknyeon has always been someone who really likes feeling validated and praised for the stuff he does well, which he does for himself a lot of the times too ! but sometimes i think the self assurances he compliments himself with is more for reassuring himself rather than bragging (which i think people misinterpret) so it’s more about becoming the person he wants to fully love and being happie with himself which *tears* i might be reading too much into who knows i just love him ok ... U.U

KEBINNN - i know !!! dri mentioned this in my gifset tags but ! kev on kpop daebak (? was it) or smth mentioned how he strives to keep a childlike wonderment for the world around him, which is a reason why i think he loves drawing and sound / music production, he talked in a fancafe post once about an artist who turned mediocre everyday objects into art and he said he really loves that sense of wonderment so peter pan who “never grows up” is actually perfect for his worldview ahhhh T^T also kev really likes disney lmao, the way he’s doing this outside in this “neverland” garden on a balcony which is a part of this very typical apartment backed by a typical city bg also i believe ties into this turning a mediocre everyday thing into smth wonderful through his sense of childlike wonderment and his tagline of “make your own fantasy” (i also care him a lot this concept >>>>>>) and keeps to his referencing movie plotlines like he did in gen z jddkfj

SUNWOO - i also mentioned this in my tags on sunu’s set but this gives me 100 degrees vibes which i still to this day think is one of the most “sunwoo” vibe things ever, it’s a lot of him having fun and doing his own thing, and mixes both more mature and youthful aspects together in a way that i’d only ever describe as sunwoo vibes LMAO like the roller skating around and all the soap bubbles ! cute and youthful ! the crop top and celine wasitband (don’t laugh at me we all noticed) more mature and a callback to his gen z look methinks U.u, think sunwoo has always been a more go-with-the-flow or do whatever he feels like doing sort of person and so “make your own vibe” fits well with him in that sense to me

SANGYEON - .... *silence* *more windows shutting down noises* *jess.exe has stopped working* OKAY i feel like ! sangyeon’s is also more self explanatory :p i love the juxtaposition of boxing AND the arcade type fighter games ?? like both require very different sets of skills i feel like one is more physical the other is more mental ? but both require adapting to changes whether in the game or the boxing ring which as leader sangyeon would know a lot about, esp being flexible and quick to respond to different situations, and the “make your own glory” i feel is maybe more on the nose, but tbz are this man’s pride and joy you can see it literally anywhere and for him, as leader, to have made it this far with tbz, winning rtk and building their popularity through their hard work and efforts really is building his own glory and i just HHHHHHHHHH

YES EYYSFDHSHF CHANHEE YES - i said it in the tags of my srb before deleting it so i’ll just repeat it here but CHOI CHANHEE !!!!! this detail i didn’t quite process first watch was the continuous flashing of lights in all his scenes, like ... from the shots and the set it looks REALLY empty ?? but the flashing seems to indicate cameras and photos being taken of him despite there being no people we can really see in any of the shots ? WHICH IS SO COOL i think the implication is like “all eyes on him” type which SO TRU i love that idea, like i said the walking past the wedding dresses ? v heavily implies fashion designer which i think you mentioned mar :o ! and i see it in the sense of his tagline “make your own stereotype” bc white wedding dresses are the very traditional / typical choice and obviously feminine in stereotypes, whereas chanhee is wearing a SUIT which is all black in a very clean b/w set with no color which i feel is very stereotypically MASCULINE and the glasses too, it’s such an interesting contrast of his “stereotypically feminine” features (in my view) with very masculine symbols, like glasses we usually associate with more soft hearted / meek stereotypes ? but the geometric shape of the windows and again his suit seems to indicate the very opposite ? it’s a mixing of stereotypes which i think is the point, by putting those together he quite literally makes his own stereotype and puts on the crown while the cameras continue flashing while pointed at him AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOUNGHOON - okie might have less to say about this one :o i feel like both hak’s and younghoon’s i don’t see the connections quite as readily but ! i think it’s interesting that his tagline is “make your own classic” but then in the scenes itself he has a flip phone ??? with an antenna (okay boomer /j JDHFKFG JK PLS) and a teddy bear while in PERIOD stylized clothing and setting where those two things are more modern / contemporary in origin (but also not modern enough bc ,,, it’s a flip phone LOL) like 90s kid vibes ? you know but as an emperor in the joseon era haha :p while eating shrimp chips and reading a (comic ?) book, like idk too much of what it means but it’s a cool dichotomy LOL, think it might also tie into actor ! hoon bc it’s make your own classic and i think acting has become a very important aspect to him :o after seeing what he’s capable of in love revolution and his atbz video so it’s interesting u.u (need help w/ this one)

JACOB - think my explanation in han’s set’s tags didn’t really make sense so lemme ... reexplain LOL,,, so ! similar to his gen z video ? like he’s talked about how difficult it is to open up about his own feelings etc. and he said it’s less bc he realizes he needs to but rather just to make other people feel more comfortable when it comes to understanding him, and like the whole breaking the mirror with his reflection in the wanna be angry jacob, it’s about freeing himself to the point he can express the emotions he wants to ! in gen z it was about being able to be angry when he felt that way instead of being tied by his image of being just nice ? and in the video with his pilot uniform not only does he control the ride but he also rides on it himself ! quite literally making his own freedom (symbolically), a sort of realizing he can free himself ? from what’s been tying him down and i think the really big smile he has while riding it just comes to show how he wants to feel :,))) (jacob bae i care you)

ERIC - last one :p AHHH this is one of my favs too, the quite literal “make your own pride” I LOVE IT ! sooo i think the biggest takeaway i got was that of course in this video his “pride” is symbolized by the hot pink car (that he’s going to pick up his christmassy date in of course u.u if he has a license which he does n- his driver’s license in this was literally his aaa / boy version of reveal photo which in no dmv anywhere would a license picture be allowed to look that good-) and LITERALLY when he finished and takes it for a joy ride while sitting on the roof he’s STILL covered in the dirt and grime stains ! from working on it ! which i think is so symbolic ! it’s my favorite detail actually, he literally put sweat into this car which is his pride and now that he’s finally riding around in it, it feels accomplishing ! his pride ! love that, also when he’s grabbing a stub from that flyer i noticed he chose “youth” over the others (which was like .... ca$h, beauty, ice cream, hamburger...) which i think also just indicates that despite all this hard work he put in he still cherishes his youth and still lets that be a huge part of who he is (i mean pink car so of course) so idk i think it’s very neat go bestie mwah

#sunnew #anon #asks #not tbz #jess.replies #be your own king analysis #I WROTE SO MUCH PLS #even more than my gen z analysis i think #anyway if anyone reads all of this oof thank you #HHHEEELP #i just did all of them ....#my weakest ones are def hak sunwoo yh #idk but i like what i came up with for the others ! ^^#i've seen a few twt threads but haven't read any lol #wrote the most about chanhee but no one is surprised of course

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ohnobjyx · 4 years

Text

A snowy summer

Part 5: June + Part 6: July

Wow, rl has keep me occupied so much that I almost forgot that I haven’t finished this series yet. I think I intended to make June and July into a single post and separate April and May, I don’t know it ended up like this, but let’s roll with it.

Disclaimer: I try to keep things objective (if I include my personal opinion, it’s in cursive and in brackets), but I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

In June and July there were some incidents that really had me staring at my laptop speechless, brain completely fried by what I was reading. I suppose I don’t have so much energy to invest myself in issues like those (I have enough with my own rl problems, thank you very much), but still... wtf.

School uniforms

In recent June, the welfare project done by his fans got questioned for a project. It was about some school uniforms that they donated to a school, in collaboration with another organization (BYH Foundation).

However, it was questioned because the uniform has the letter 赞 (zan) in it. It means “to approve, to support or to praise” and it’s also the internet slang for “like” (thumbs up). Because it sounds similar to xz’s name, it’s often used as a substitution for his name in internet posts. In fact, in an interview, he was asked if he preferred “xiao (little) zhan” or “xiao zan”, and he said both were fine. Some commercials use phrases with this character to refer to him.

The antis accused XZ’s fans of trying to use the students to promote their celebrity. After this, BYH Foundation issued an apology, because of “their lack of consideration”. They had wanted the word to mean “positive”, and as a wish that the children grow up healthy and optimistic. But because of the misunderstanding, the foundation expressed their regret and took back all uniforms and other materials.

Faced with this, netizens again expressed their disagreement. “Why take away the clothes if the children liked them? Why must people who complain always be right? How disappointing!”

(Personal opinion time: so… giving the uniforms is criticized. Taking them away is criticized. Can someone tell me what can they do that it won’t be criticized?)

Charity in Yunnan

In mid-June, XZ participated in a charity event in Yunnan, promoting agricultural products. XZ’s fans support association changed their name to XZ Audio and Video official w/ibo, centering their efforts in promoting his works.

His activities in Yunnan were accompanied by an interview.

Offering legal help to those affected by cyberbullying

On July 1st, XZ studio issued another statement. I think we are familiar with this one, since it’s quite recent.

This issue began on June 22nd, when a w/ibo user berated XZ for not “controlling” his fans: “… and, by letting them do as they please, you let them think that there was nothing wrong in what they were doing. Today is Fathers’ Day, and your fans dare to curse my mother and my late father. I’ll not let this go. I’ll boycott you, and if I consider it necessary, I’ll report it to the police. I’ll leave this post here, so we can come back to it and look at the source of the problem. You reap what you sow, you can’t blame me on this.” She posted a few screenshots of some people insulting her parents.

A few fans wrote to her:

“Excuse me, I’m sorry for disturbing you, I know you don’t like XZ, but XZ has been leading us fans, and I’ve seen that your account isn’t XZ friendly. Every well intentioned critic, we’ll take it, but I hope you won’t involve XZ because of the words of others, there are a lot of rational fans out there.”

The user answered:

“From the beginning to the end, he has never said: ‘don’t report maliciously, don’t insult and humiliate others, don’t curse other people’s parents, don’t look for others’ private info, don’t threaten others’. Has he said them? He hasn’t. He never elaborates, hums and haws, pass over these topics. I’ll tell you, today’s matter, I must see an apology. Either from the ones that cursed my parents or from XZ on their behalf. If there’s not apology, I’ll chase this matter to the end.”

This user released a week later a document called “Assessment on the value and risk of XZ’s fans”. She took the data from several platforms, and analysed them, getting statistics about the type of XZ’s fans. This report depicted a very negative view of his fans.

This was a very controversial issue. The heart of the controversy is that there’s no evidence that the netizen who cursed her parents is XZ’s fan. And even if they “were”, nowadays many people are deliberately posing as XZ’s fans to insult and abuse others in order to frame him.

However, with her report, the people who don’t know the heart of the matter got more ammo to insult and humiliate XZ. She updated her post, saying that she had been being investigated, that someone had tried to get her address and name, so in the comments, more and more people blamed XZ for the issue. XZ’s teams then offered their help in the form of legal advice and lawyers to help her get legal support.

The user took the offer and agreed to receive legal advice. XZ’s studio then posted their update (the one linked in the first paragraph of this section), rejecting all king of cyber bullying and offering help to protect the rights of the netizens affected by cyber violence. The Studio also spoke clearly: they won’t tolerate XZ’s fans abusing other netizens, nor people posing as XZ’s fans to attack others.

The “stolen” account

On July 11, XZ’s Audio and Video official w/ibo posted an official apology. This time, the issue was this one: a w/ibo user had “passed away” due to mental illness (depression, the user followed the supertopic about this particular ailment and had posted a few times about it). However, after their death, their account was active again, and began posting about XZ.

People attacked the user for using a deceased person’s account (comments were like “don’t you know the history of the owner of the account you’re using?”), and consequently, all of the content in that account was deleted.

The same afternoon, XZ’s Audio and Video official w/ibo issued their apology. They contacted w/ibo, and asked the user to restore the deleted content and to respect the deceased.

This was also controversial, since they couldn’t know for sure that the one who bought the account is a fan of XZ. Because of this, XZ’s fans were attacked again. W/ibo issued a post declaring that the account had been accessed through the same device from last year to present, so the account hadn’t been stolen, and they continue to investigate it.

In summary: this time, XZ’s fans had apologized too quickly. This user was someone who used 3 different IPs and 3 different accounts. They had followed the “depression” topic, posted a few things and went silent for a while, making people think they had succumbed to the illness. Then, using the same account, they started posting about XZ, making people think that the account had been stolen, and manipulated other people’s sense of justice and compassion to defame XZ.

W/ibo took the initiative and blocked all of their accounts.

(Okay, when I actually read about what happened, I was like... wtf. Seriously wtf. This is some plot going on over there, I thought this kind of defamation plots only happened in Chinese historical dramas. I... really don’t get it. I’m speechless still.)

W/ibo and XZ Studio Conference

The topic of w/ibo and XZ studio conference went on hot search on July 14, in which, they talked about fan guidance and management:

“W/ibo believes that influential public figures and celebrities should bear the responsibility of guiding and restraining fan’s behaviour, essentially through the fans’ group. But in last months, because of failed guidance and reactions, all kind of fan groups had a disruptive behaviour online, causing a harmful impact on society.

W/ibo believes that celebrities’ studios and companies should reinforce the guidance and restrain over the fans. To those who pretend to be a certain person’s fan, they should be reported and people should collaborate with the platform in its management of the issue. We can’t ignore them if these people’s actions are suspected to be illegal, and protect our rights, fulfilling legal responsibilities.

XZ’s studio has expressed their agreement with W/ibo’s recommendations, and expressed their intention to increase their level of collaboration and support of this platform’s management.”

The announcement was ended by a statement on how the latest incident has showed a very ugly and harmful part of the society, and that everyone should collaborate to improve the society and Internet. It also included a list of accounts that were banned for fake rumours and leading other fans to arguments.

This was accompanied by an apology by XZ Studio.

(This is what some anons asked me about on their asks. I hope you can all read between the lines to get what was the deal about this one.)

From start to finish, we all can see that the platform has a lot of responsibility to bear here. That’s something people in China have also pointed out. However, XZ and his team can only nod, and bear with it, because while there is only one platform that has all the right conditions, there are a lot of more celebrities. They have to rely on it for a lot of things, so they can’t just end things with them.

So last week, his studio issued a statement that said:

“This studio appeals again:

NO entering any kind of votes, control ourselves with our comments and not calling other to participate in events.

We reject mutual insulting and abusing, don’t start group conflicts.

Don’t go over your own economic possibilities to support projects, works and commercial products.

Make sure to take care of your studies and jobs first, before following a celebrity’s projects or music.

We hope that everyone can make the most of their own lives, have independent thinking. We hope that we can all go together towards a brighter future, and give more positive energy through our actions.”

The studio called the fans to stop voting him and placing him at the top of the charts for a while, so things can cool down definitely, in my opinion. And yet, he still topped as one of the most successful endorser, from March to July (it’s really a trend that hasn’t stopped, even after 2/27. In March, two weeks after 2/27, he even topped as one of the top celebrities in w/ibo anyway).

I heard that people kept voting for him like crazy, because they didn’t want the general public to think that he wasn’t popular. However, facts remain that he is popular among his fans, but less neutral in the general public (I’ll explain this in my last post).

That’s why it’s going to be very important how his next project is received by the general public.

←Part 4(II): Plum blossoms in the snow (II) | Part 7: To the snowy summit side by side

#gg's situation #part 5 and 6 of 7 #my post

67 notes · View notes

hobiwonder · 5 years

Text

crazy rich asians | 02

Genre: Chaebol!BTS. maid!reader. Smut, fluff. mild angst.

Pairing: Jin x reader, Jimin x reader, Hoseok x reader, Yoongi x reader. Possible future pairings.

Warnings for this chapter: language. mention of porn.

Words: 6.5k+

Summary: You overhear something you shouldn’t. Now some of the country’s most powerful - and rich - men would do anything to keep you quiet.

a/n: I'm back finally lol. this chapter moves along the change in feelings of the different characters. main pairing becomes more clear and also just sets the scene to the final few chapters. please let me know what you thought?

(dorks!!!!!)

“Wow.”

“Yeah...” Yoongi lets out a hefty breath he’s been holding since Jimin had mentioned the Will. He’d known his friends were multimillionaires. But never quite the exact aggregated amount of their wealth. Which he now knew was A Lot.

“Wait so let me get this straight, your dad has to marry Amber in order for you to get the money - what if he doesn’t?”

The unexpected question - that Jimin or Jin didn’t even take into consideration - makes Jin smack his younger brother on the back of his head. Light enough that Jimin’s exaggerated flinching was uncalled for.

“He should if Jimin here, can keep his dick in his pants.”

“Please! You slept with her before me, don’t act so self righteous.” Jimin’s scowl only earns him another glare from Seokjin.

“Once. Whereas you will probably make her your booty call.”

“Well I have someone else in mind for that now.” The smirk on his face is mirrored by Yoongi who just shakes his head at his friend’s unadulterated behaviour.

“Good. Call her from now on.” Jin doesn’t seem to catch on to who Jimin is referring to but it does remind him about your departure not too long ago. Hoseok seems to have the same idea when he speaks up before him.

“Speaking of, you assholes better have made sure y/n wasn’t outside at least this time.” His eyes don’t flicker away from his phone as he says so, making no move to get up and check if you had in fact, left.

“Are any of you going to check?” Jin knows the answer but somehow expects a different outcome. Negative.

“Not my house.” Yoongi is leaning back, stretching his arms behind his head to get comfortable.

Shaking his head at his useless friends and even more useless brother - he opts to have a look himself.

“I’ll be back. Meanwhile you peasants think up an idea on how to retrieve that will.”

“Excuse me?” Hoseok’s eyes are wide as if Seokjin told him he was an illegitimate child.

“Hyung you don’t have the inheritance yet. If speaking solely of net worth, mine is more than yours.” His record producer friend’s shit eating grin is well earned but doesn’t mean it doesn’t make Seokjin want to get this plan in motion sooner.

“Yeah yeah..” He’s not paying much attention to their mindless chatter about Jimin’s impromptu vacation.

A few strides later, he’s opening the golden doorknob carefully. That way if you were outside - which would be quite dumb of you he thinks - he’d be able to catch you red handed. Right outside the door, he doesn’t find anyone. He lets out a sigh of relief at the peacefully empty hallway. No servants or butlers and definitely not your cute little frame hovering in places you shouldn’t be.

Just when he’s about to head back inside - he hears the faint noise. Immediately, his feet are going towards it - not quite being able to pinpoint what exactly was that he could hear. Was there someone else lurking nearby? God. Were the staff always this nosey in this house? Then again he would know if he paid much attention even if he saw nothing wrong with not doing so.

Jin strains his neck further, hoping to see whoever it was, without being all too visible as he stood behind the massive vase in the hallway. The next sound he hears though, inevitably someone talking - worries him just slightly. Walking forward until he was nearing another room - there you were, sitting against the wall with your back hunched over. Seokjin couldn’t see your face but your voice was telling enough to let him know of your distressed state. You were sitting on the floor, hand covering your mouth to seemingly hold back a cry.

Who were you talking to? And where was the girl who not even half an hour ago blackmailed his brother and friend?

“I-I’m okay. I just miss you.” Your quaint, undoubtedly overwrought whisper in to the phone makes his chest constrict.

“I’ll let you know. I have to go now Nana. I love you.”

He’d never witnessed someone so rawly feeling emotions that weren’t joy or ecstatic even. The most he was used to was anger from his father. Frustration from his friends. Mostly bliss on his own. But never something like this. You sounded defeated and scared. Were you really crying because of him? He hadn’t anticipated that immensity the empathy would flood into him. He’d never really gotten upset and nor did he believe his brain had the chemicals to make the reaction happen which would allow him to feel said emotions.

He watched you - and heard - let out soft whimpers into your lap. His hands suddenly started to sweat and his feet itch to walk forward but he remained rooted in place. A few moments later, you were getting up, dusting your frumpy uniform before storming off to who knows where with a determined stomp to your steps. A small grin tugging at his lips at your determination. It was more than likely that you were feeling upset and intimidated by the situation you found yourself in. So why did Jin still not call it off when he went back inside the room?

He couldn’t answer that even if he tried. Maybe he was a masochist. Maybe he really did not have any regard for anyone but himself. It certainly wasn’t because he wanted to keep tabs on you.

“You good brother?” Jimin instantly notices his older brother’s more sinister expression.

“What are you looking so happy for?” Jin counteracts before Jimin can try and analyse him any further. He didn’t do well with emotions other than hunger, ecstasy and horny.

“Did you hear? It’s all over the news.” Hoseok is laughing obnoxiously loudly, shoving his wide screen phone in Jin’s face.

A familiar face is greeting him right next to his eyes - if only Hoseok would move the offending phone slightly back, Jesus. Taehyung’s bright blue hair is the front page of the news article. His hand is up a model’s skirt and face plastered on hers. The next set of pictures is him being spotted at a museum with his Posse before they tastefully switch to him at an elite rooftop club. His friend was always the centre of attention and quite obviously thrived on it.

He was very liberated and couldn’t careless of the strict rules his family lived by. Boy would he be in trouble if he comes back before his newest scandal dies down.

“What’s he done now?” Yoongi’s just shaking his head - being the older brother of said boy and rightfully being pissed off. He usually took the heat for his younger brother’s shenanigans.

“Just shoved his face in between a model’s tits for all to see. Nothing new.” The tick in Yoongi’s voice is all too familiar. He always had to do damage control while Taehyung partied the night away. He felt for his friend sometimes, he really did.

“Well, shit. What’s the damage?”

“If i’m lucky, just more shame.” Yoongi’s gaze turns back up to the ceiling, hands stretched behind him to cushion his head.

“Hyung, you really don’t have to keep being the martyr for him. Let him face the music when he gets back. Grow the fuck up.” Hoseok can’t help but feel like a broken record whenever he gives yoongi advice.

No matter how stubborn and wilfully isolated Yoongi remained from the rest of the world, he insisted on protecting his younger brother as much as he could. It would’ve been admirable if it was a rarity. Saving Taehyung’s delinquent ass was like yoongi’s day job at this point.Yoongi just shook his head, not dismissing Hoseok’s advice completely even if it seemed so that way.

“I’m more selfish than you think Hoseokie.” What did he mean by that? That story was for another day.

“Ladies, ladies,” Jimin eyes his older brothers, holding out his hands in a gesture to settle everyone down, “Let’s get back to business. Taehyung whoring around is like being surprised to find out that a lion eats meat.”

“What the fuck kind of analogy is that?” Hoseok is chuckling at Yoongi’s taunting but Jimin barely blinks.

“What is it Jiminie? You’ve had another revelation?” Standing and pacing was not something Jin had ever done before. And he wasn’t about to act like a commoner just because of a little maid who’d caught him off guard.

Taking a seat back at the couch, Jin takes the scotch from Jimin before settling his attention back on to the matter at hand.

“We need to use our newest asset.” Jimin’s devilish smile is nothing short of mischievous.

And Jin was very familiar with that look. He knew that his little brother was intrigued and despite having his eye on the prize, no doubt, he wasn’t thinking all business anymore. There weren’t many things that Jin and Jimin couldn’t have. In fact, he would argue that even if he tried to spend all his money - he wouldn’t be able to. Jin was only 27 and yet he felt like he was on his ninth life - all previous deaths were due to absolute boredom. Women flocked him to without him having to bat an eyelash, had too many servants to count, too many places to sleep and too little to want. Could he get bored of being rich? Not ever. But was he bored with things he could do that came with being rich.

That’s why he was always actively looking to spend his wealth on hobbies and objects that were unattainable. Dangerous. Something that was forbidden to even a man like him who could have anything. And at this very moment - it was you. It was hard to pretend that Jimin wasn’t also well aware of that fact. Hoseok and Yoongi were merely held back because they hadn’t received the ‘go-ahead’ from either himself or Jimin. That they were allowed to play with such a pretty thing like you. They were all good-looking, incredibly so, and extremely wealthy. It was a default that people wanted to be as close to them as possible. Not you. When Jimin had crowded your space, you looked ready to bolt. Like you would be anywhere but in that room with all three of them. And when your body had reacted quite the opposite way, clinging onto Jimin and Hoseok - it was he could do, watch in awe. Jin rarely saw people at war with themselves when it came to physical intimacy with himself or any of his friends.

He’d slept with his fair share of attractive house staff but never encountered someone like you. And that had to be why he was inexplicably attracted to you. Nothing more. The look on Jimin’s face meant he was too and he wanted to play with his meal.

“What do you propose? Shall we take turns trying to maximise our profits from said asset?” Hoseok’s shit-eating grin accompanied with his schoolgirl giggle annoys Jin more than usual but he doesn’t mention it.

Letting the younger ones have some fun, with his fists clenched. He needed another drink.

“Well, I found out from Amber that there have been some staff changes to the Manor and I wonder if our little maid being here has something to do with that. Minhyuk doesn’t work here anymore.”

“And?” Yoongi sounds just as bored as Jin probably looks.

“And, you little shits, he used to work in father’s wing. Know what that means? Hm?” Jimin is looking around at his older brothers like they are supposed to be on the same page.

And while it makes sense that the other two who didn’t live here were lost - it baffles Jin that he didn’t know of the change when he’s been here far longer than Jimin. How does he know so much in so little time? Though it clicks for him just before Jimin opens the pandora’s box.

“It means that y/n works there. She’s the only new hire and none of the other staff have been moved around.”

“And let me guess, you want to seduce her into breaking into father’s office and snoop around?”

Jimin is gasping in mock shock at Jin putting two and two together like the drama queen he is. “Precisely. Knew your brain hadn’t hibernated permanently.”

“Yah, shut up before I expose you and get you cut out of the will entirely.”

“You won’t. You’ve got too much to lose.” Jimin is tilting his head innocently, a juxtaposition between his words and actions.

Jimin was a slithery snake, that much Jin knew. Hell, he was often proud of his younger brother’s extraordinary mind but even Jin knew that he was sharp underneath his soft exterior and disarming smiles. Which meant that he’d made up his mind to include you into their devious plan. But something about the phone call Jin had witnessed before, he felt a little uneasy in the pit of his stomach. The feeling is all too foreign and unfamiliar that he has to place a hand on his abdomen.

“Well boys, just let me know when my turn is. She was too cute for me to pass up on. Now if you excuse me, I have to pick up Taehyung.”

Yoongi’s passive face turns up into a scowl at the mention of his younger brother. “Good. At least he’s bringing back enough of his brain cells to know not to ask me any favours for a while.”

“That’s why he called me, hyung. I’ll drop him off at the Hilton.” Yoongi murmurs a thanks at Hoseok, glad that his friend could sense that Yoongi would rip Taehyung a new one unless he took some time to cool down. He already had to hang up on his father’s personal secretary twice since the news broke out.

“Later sluts.”

“Bye hyung.” Jimin is waving Hoseok goodbye before he finally sits, looking expectantly at Jin.

“So, what do you say? You in for some adventure? It’s been a while since I fucked someone I wasn’t supposed to.”

His pursed lips would have you think he was talking about a physics phenomenon and not sex. “Yeah? And what do you suppose is called when you sleep with your future step-mother?”

His smile is blinding. “The family jewels. I’ve just as much right as father now.”

“Jesus christ.” Yoongi mumbles before putting down his half empty glass. “I’m just glad I won’t have to merge with that obnoxious knob my father keeps insisting I do business with to expand. Tell me what’s needed of me and then wire me the money. No need for details that don’t concern me.”

Stretching like a feline, Yoongi takes his leave. Leaving Jin to marinate a little more in his conflicting feelings toward Jimin's pet project. Well, he did willingly take part but that was before the five foot something intrusion in their plans. There wasn't anything particularly extraordinary about you. So why was Jin finding it so difficult to separate himself from the situation like he usually was able to?

"Jin hyung?"

"Yeah?" Pretending that he wasn't distracted by any thoughts of you, Jin stares back at Jimin's smirking face. He's holding a sheet in his hand, waving it around like he's going to cast a spell.

"Let's figure out the logistics here shall we?"

"You do that on your own brother. I've got some business to attend to." The clink of his heavy scotch glass is definite as he sets it down.

Jimin doesn't argue and that in itself is suspicious. Giving Jimin a pat on the back, Jin heads out with a mission to let off some steam at the gym. Just knowing you were somewhere in the Manor put him on edge and he wasn't about to flail like a teenager in front of you should he encounter you again.

"I'll do that. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe."

___________________________________________________________________________

"Y/n, Please make sure you are supervising the staff as they move through the rooms. I'd like you to personally go through the checklist before my inspection. Mr. Kim will be spending a lot more time in his home office starting the week after next and we cannot afford the Manor to be anything short of impeccable."

Anders was talking just as fast as he was walking, causing you to almost have to jog besides him as he fired off the list of chores. it was odd enough that you still had a job, let alone climbing up the rank and supervising other staff. In Mr. Kim's wing no less. For a split second you thought you were part of some joke and any second you'll be laid off. But Anders had all but looked through you like it was any other day of work.

"And please, take note that due to the eventful nature of Mr. Kim's work, we will be expecting many visitors therefore everything needs to be tidied up before and after Mr. Kim's work hours. you will be rostered on to take care of his wing, including the guest rooms, living room, library and the restrooms. Mr. Kim's office will be out of bounds and I shall take care of that room. understood, dear?"

Anders is looking at you warmly for the first time today and like a true airhead that you'd been acting these days, it takes a few seconds for you to nod at him.

"Yes sir. Will I be working the regular hours or will my shift hours be changed?"

"I presume it will be on a weekly basis for a little while. For this week you will be required to tend to Master Kim's quarters after 5pm and get everything set up for the next day. Of course, with the exception of today."

His smile is kind and lighthearted. You know he isn't this forthcoming to all of the staff. Perhaps your age being the closest to his own children gives you the soft advantage. Nonetheless, you are thankful for the little bit of gentleness, guidance and just a light hand ever since you'd started working here. And maybe Anders has a little bit of hand in you getting this sort of promotion in such a short amount of time.

"Okay. I will get to it right away." Tucking your notebook in your apron, you nod at him.

"Y/n?"

"Yes?" Your heart is thumping too loudly, too fast in your chest. The events of yesterday flooding in your mind.

But Anders didn't seem to display any anger so far.

"I say this for your own safety, dear. Try your absolute best to keep a respectful distance between the people of the house and yourself."

"O-Okay." Spinning right around, you bolt.

There was no way Anders didn’t know something. He had to have known that something incredibly inappropriate happened, right? Did Mr. Kim’s sons complain about you? There was no way they probably didn’t make you seem like a creep. Snooping around their house like paparazzi. Just thinking about the events of yesterday made the blood rush to your face fast enough to make you slightly dizzy. It still felt like a fever dream. Something that was far too.... astounding to have every happened to you. You could count on one hand how many times something memorable happened to you in your short life. And yesterday was equally memorable as well as terrifying. This uncertainty you felt with your place in the Manor was something you didn’t want to feel much longer.

The more you thought about it last night, the more angry you became at yourself. How selfish could you be to put your job in jeopardy? Especially when you have so many people counting on you to keep it for a long while. You had stupidly put yourself in the midst of some money war happening between very powerful people. Now you’d become someone for them to play with or at least that’s what you felt like. Yes the kissing was great, your traitorous body soaked up the physical intimacy like a starved nymphomaniac but at what cost? Tossing and turning, sleeping had been futile.

And maybe your red eyes gave Anders some indication about what had been troubling you. Still, you were adamant on keeping yourself away from their traps. No matter how beautiful and alluring their words were. No matter how beautiful each one of them were. They were unattainable and a lowly worker like you was never going to be someone worth their respect. Head filled with many thoughts, you march towards the crowd of people awaiting your instructions.

You will not think about them. Especially him. Kim Seokjin.

______________________________________________________________

A week goes by much easier and uneventfully than you had expected it to be. And the more days that pass, the more that one encounter feels like a fever dream. Like it happened in the fantasy realm. Something twisted conjured up by your brain after it got tired of your insipid life. You’d managed to speak to your grandma on a regular basis to make sure she wasn’t worried after your out of the ordinary tearful conversation with her. As usual, your mother had not been interested in talking with you and it hurt you just like it always did. Though it was becoming so normal and expected that you suspected your numbness to it soon. You awaited that day.

“Miss. y/n, would you like me to change the glasses from the liquor table? One seems to have broken...”

One of the staffer’s, Jihoon, trails off as he inspects the damage. Your eyebrows furrow at his observation. You left everything in place last night before leaving. No broken glass anywhere. Was someone here after hours? Mr. Kim’s schedule didn’t show any scheduled meetings after 6pm - which was unusual anyway as he finished up by 5pm most days.

“That’s odd. I’m sure this wasn’t broken.” There are a few shards of glass peeking out from the bottom of the liquor cabinet and sure enough, when you bend down, you can see the remains of the glass pushed underneath it.

“Oh boy. Be careful when you clean that up Jihoon. I’ll go get a new set.”

“Maybe one of the masters we’re here.” Jihoon shrugs absentmindedly, proceeding to vacuum all the shards and the mention of the other men in the house makes you jolt like you’re the one vacuuming glass into your bare hands.

“Y-Yeah. I’ll be right back. You’re free to go when you’re done. I’ll do the last sweep before calling Mr. Anders.”

“Okay! See you tomorrow noona!” You say your goodbyes before heading to the storage room. Jihoon had been here overnight so you wanted to let him rest as quickly as possible.

Feet rushing you out quickly, it feels like every breath is being stolen out of your lungs while the memories from last week are rushing into your empty brain. Why couldn’t you get yourself together? It was one incident. Yet, your whole life seemed to revolve around it. It was getting pathetic. You hadn’t seen any of the boys since then and the more days passed, the more it was clear that they played around with the staff on the regular. You weren’t anyone special. The more it made you angry that you let it happen. How dare they treat you like a common groupie? You may be just a household worker but that didn’t mean these rich trust fund babies should treat you like this.

All the comebacks you could have said then were coming to the tip of your tongue now. Especially for the tall, handsome eldest with lips of sin. Lips that didn’t touch yours and annoyed you so much for some reason. If you saw him again, he was going to get an earful!

Your emotions were getting the best of you. So much so that the force with which you were pushing in the key with to unlock the storage room was rattling the mahogany door rather loudly. Thankfully, before you disturb the peace down in the basement even more, you’ve opened the door. It’s only the second time you’re here as you were not allowed the key before. Seeing as you managed Mr. Kim’s wing, it was given to you by Anders to keep with you at all times.

Locking the storage room again after you’ve grabbed a new case of - extremely expensive - glasses, you make the tread back to the meeting room. The Manor is quiet at this time in the morning. The only activity most likely happening in the kitchen while breakfast is prepared. You were on time for all your tasks regarding Mr. Kim’s wing, a spring in your step as you thought about having a cup of tea with the cooks in the spare time you had. The next task was to get everything ready for tomorrow’s Family dinner that Mr. Kim was hosting. Thankfully you didn’t need to be there. You may have been promoted but you were not allowed to stay for the intimate family gatherings as only the very essential staff stayed. You could understand given the influence of the people present in the home and how anything could be made a spectacle if it were to get out.

“Oh Y/n, glad I caught you.” Anders is walking towards you down the hall.

“Mr. Anders.” He’s smiling as he approaches, eyeing the box in your hands.

“Everything looks good. I have inspected the room. I presume these glasses are for the liquor cabinet?”

“Oh, yes they are. Did Jihoon call you? I was about to do a last sweep before paging you.”

His kind smile greets you as he shakes his head. “No need. Everything looks remarkable. You are doing a wonderful job, dear. Join the others in the kitchen for some tea and muffins. They smell especially good today.”

He’s walking down the hall to Mr. Kim’s office as he reminds you of the treats. It’s such a wonderful morning now that Anders has acknowledged your hard work too. You must really be doing a good job. Without wasting any time, you walk a little too fast to the meeting room to display the glasses. Before you can though, a call for your name stops you in your tracks.

“In a hurry?” The deep, mocking tone of a certain someone you were trying to avoid is all you can hear.

Taking a few steps back until you are facing the doorway where you heard his voice from, you come face to face with an image only your imagination tried to conjure on nights you were so, so tired. The real thing though, was far more picturesque. The eldest Kim, Seokjin, stood there, lean muscle on display while his jeans hung low. Hair wet and skin looking slightly flushed due to the shower you assume he just had, judging from the towel around his neck. Even if you tried, you wouldn’t be able to stop your eyes from memorising each ridge on his abdomen. There was something about seeing him in casual wear when you have only ever witnessed him in slacks and expensive silk shirts.

“Are you done? I get that I'm the most handsome man you’ve ever seen but the staring does get old.” He’s sighing as if he bears a great burden on his shoulders.

"I wasn't- wasn't star-"

"Anyway. Bring me a glass of scotch will you?" He cuts you off before you can actually properly say anything.

Now sitting on the plush couch with his legs spread and an arm slung behind the backrest. Looking like something out of a magazine cover. Ugh! He was so infuriating. He didn't even respect you enough to let you respond to his ludicrous remarks! Nevertheless, you were in no position to be angry. He was your boss after all. And after last week, you weren't about to stir up trouble and get yourself fired.

You must have been zoning out for a little too long because you can feel Seokjin's stare burning a hole through you. His gaze indifferent and apathetic. "Well?"

"Yes... Sir." Your mouth aches from the force with which you clenched your jaw before answering.

Standing a good distance away from him really helped your mental state. You were much more clam and composed. You had space to think. Unlike when you were in that room last week. His proximity made it worse for you to think let alone compose a coherent sentence to stop whatever the men were practically forcing you into. Who even makes a deal with a servant anyway? They could toss you out whenever they want to, that's for sure. So really, they were playing with you and you'd been nervous and scared and made that stupid call back home like the gullible sheep you were. That's what rich people with too much free time on their hands did. Play with innocent people's feelings. Not knowing how much trouble it may cause for them. So, whatever. You weren't going to think about it and let them get the best of you again.

Turning swiftly, you complete your original task of replacing the liquor glasses. Carefully pouring one for Seokjin - despite your dislike for the man - as to not pour too much or too little. He's in the same position when you left, albeit, his body more relaxed into the sofa than before as he flicks through the channels. The noises erupting in the room suddenly, however, make you halt in your tracks like you just witnessed some sort of tragedy. The high pitched moans and whimpers are bouncing off the walls all too clearly. The sounds are so pornographic it has your whole body on fire and your pulse racing. Taking a look at the TV - of course, it actually is porn. And what do you know, that's enough to rattle you once more as you almost see it happening in slow motion.

The glass that was weighty and secure on the tray in your hands; now tumbling to the tiled floor like it was fairy floss dissolving in your hands. The loud shatter compared to the very obtuse and unmoving reaction from Seokjin is too metaphorical for you to not notice. This incident now can pretty much sum up your encounters with him. Seokjin hasn't moved an inch, casually watching porn like it was the weather man. All the while you're glancing frantically at him and then the floor, then back at him and back to the floor where they shattered glass is scattered on the floor.

"I'm- I'm so sorry, sir! I'll clean this u-up." What even was happening. How the hell do you apologise with those noises in the background?!

"Don't interrupt. You've already broken expensive glass, don't sully my enjoyment of the film too." Again, he has yet to even look at you.

"This is hardly a film." The words escape you a little too quickly and a little too loud. And of course, Seokjin would notice now. If only because of your ticked tone and the scoff that’s bound to get you in trouble.

“Any movie that I’m in is worth watching.”

“Excuse me?” What was he talking about?

That’s when all plans of being poised and professional go out the window. Due to one rookie mistake. Taking the bait that he dangled in front of you because you turn around like a fool and look at the large TV screen. The sight is slightly unexpected. You had expected to see porn, of course. But not porn that included Seokjin. Sure enough, it’s hard to deny that it’s really him behind a really attractive blonde, someone you recognised from a lot of hollywood movies, flexing his biceps as he intently stared at the camera. You could feel your body tightening up, your thighs connecting with each other on instinct. You can feel the perspiration build up on your skin, your heart rate a million miles an hour. Seokjin was naked in all his glory, hair still looking as if it had just been styled in that effortless way. Even though the snapping of his hips behind the woman displayed how much his muscles were being exerted. The scene was mesmerising. His smouldering eyes holding yours captive that you forget that he was actually there in the flesh. Currently watching you look at the screen like a pervert.

Seokjin’s chuckle breaks your blatant staring at his naked form in the video that was playing by pausing it. So you had no other choice then to look back at his smirking face. The wheels turning in your head, trying to find a viable excuse to get out of another uncomfortable situation you seem to have pulled yourself into just because you can’t help your reactions. The anger was also starting to creep up your spine, getting dangerously close to the part of your brain that failed to control your impulsivity. All because Kim Seokjin was pushing you to your limits. So instead of making a comment on how you had shamelessly watched a good minute of his sextape with some A-List actress, you clear your throat and look him dead in the eye no matter how hard it was after seeing what you had.

“I will have Jihoon bring you another glass and clean this up right away.” Taking a small bow, you cheer internally that you didn’t stutter.

“I don’t want Jihoon. I want you.” Your breath hitches at the heat in his words. Somehow they didn’t convey the appropriate message considering the context.

“S-Sorry?” Seokjin clears his throat, looking back at the TV before speaking again.

“To clean up this mess.” He waves his hand at the shattered glass again, flicking the TV to some cartoon channel.

“O-Okay.”

“Aw, did I miss all the fun?” The cheery voice from the doorway finally takes Seokjin’s attention away from you to his younger brother.

“If by fun you mean the maid breaking house property then, no. I’m sure she’ll make more mayhem soon enough.”

“If you can kindly wait till i’m out of earshot to discuss me, that will be great!”

It’s like you’ve asked them for 2 million dollars or something because Jimin’s eyebrows have shot so far up his forward you’re worried that his eyes might fall out of their sockets. Seokjin is looking at you, really looking at you, for the first time it seems. Even you hadn’t expected to lose your cool because you’re slapping your hand over your mouth, knowing you have definitely screwed up now if you hadn’t already.

“Oh?” Jimin’s tone is mocking and amused. Showing how unexpected your outburst was.

“It seems that our little maid has a spine after all?” He walks to you like a predator ready to trap his prey and it sends a chill down your spine.

Jimin was attractive.

That much was obvious. Somehow his soft features didn’t translate to his personality, he didn’t seem human in the way he addressed you. His tone was almost vindictive. Like he couldn’t believe that someone of your stature would talk back to him. As much as it didn’t make sense, you looked back at Seokjin out of instinct. As if he could save you from whatever Jimin will inflict on you. Which was ridiculous given that moments ago you were ready to strangle him.

“I-I don’t appreciate being treated like a toy.” Chin up, feigning all the faux confidence you could conjure, you stand your ground.

Jimin’s cackle is like needles in your skin. It makes you hot and cold at the same time. Walking over to you, he’s merely a few inches away. Clearly trying to intimidate you as he’s done before. The scent of his cologne hits your nostrils and you have to clench your fists to stop yourself from taking a deep inhale. Perfumes were your weakness. Seeing him up close again is enough to remind you of the last time. But you were more prepared now. No way you were going to let him kiss you again.

He brings up a jewelled hand, twirling the stray strand of hair that was framing your face. “Oh darling…. But you are a toy.”

His smile is so big and endearing - had you not already recognised the evil twinkle in his eyes. How dare he?! Your hands balling into fists, nostrils flaring from the sheer anger that you felt right now. This was one of those moments you would surely regret later on. Because you were about to slap the living daylights out of him.

“Let her do her actual job Jimin-ah. I believe we have things to discuss.”

Seokjin’s command is Jimin’s - and perhaps yours too - saving grace. He’s turning on his heels swiftly walking to where his brother lounged. You have to take a deep breath, snapping yourself out of it before you say something that might get you fired for real.

“Oh, y/n, bring me a glass of champagne too while you’re at it.” Jimin winks at you and you scurry out of the room without even responding.

This family was crazy.

_____________________

Champagne? Seokjin wondered what his brother had done in just a week to warrant a celebration.

“Is this another premature celebration Jimin? You know it ruins all the fun when you end up failing. For you that is. It’s very entertaining for me.”

Jimin is flipping him the finger as he sits down, changing the channels until it lands on something he is vaguely paying attention to.

“That was very rude you little shit. I was watching that.”

“Hyung, they were playing rugrats. You’re 27 now. Watch Naruto or something.”

“Tell me why you’re here before I kick your ass.”

“Wow, being around servants has turned you into a commoner too, huh?” Jimin is clicking his tongue like he's gravely disappointed. Obviously referring to you.

The mention isn’t healthy for Seokjin right now. He’s spent far too much time thinking of last week and the phone call he’d witnessed. Though the majority of that regret was not actually kissing you when he had the chance. Your lips had haunted his dreams too many times. This was an odd activity for his brain and he was now worried if you carried some sort of disease that caused all his brain waves to malfunction and make him think solely about you.

Jimin throws up his hands in defence when Seokjin remains unamused, moving a little closer to talk in a much more hushed tone.

“Okay okay. Hold off on the dick measuring. I’m here to tell you when we’re going to put the ‘plan’ into motion.”

Jin arches a brow in question. So soon?

“The family dinner is tomorrow. Most of the staff will be gone so less witnesses.”

“Is… the girl working the night? I don’t think essential staff includes the cleaners.”

Jimin smiles wide like he always does when he’s up to something. Though to be fair, he is always up to something.

“She isn’t but leave that to me.”

“Wasn’t gonna help.” Seokjin shrugs, feeling slightly ticked at his brother’s suggestion.

What was he up to now and why did Jin feel the need to protect you from Jimin’s devious plans?

#bts #bts fanfction #jin fluff #sexy jimin #bts scenarios #bts x reader #hobiwonder #HOW DO I TAG THIS LMAO #ALSO WHY WONT THE GIF SHOW UP UGH

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angstyaches · 4 years

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what if Elliot’s stomach for some reason is bothering him from the moment he wakes up one day and just slowly gets worse as the day goes on but they have stuff to get done so he doesn’t mention anything to Felix, instead he accidentally falls into “ignoring” Felix but it’s actually him just being sort of distracted by his insides. Finally, Felix gets his attention but not in the nicest way, maybe being just a bit to hyper or annoying to Elliot in the state of mind he’s in and (1 of 2)

(2 of 2 sorry it wouldn’t fit in one 😂) he snaps at him kind of meanly. But before he can explain what was wrong Felix storms off, refusing to listen to a word Elliot is saying

Okay Milo, AS USUAL your prompt has sparked plot and character development for my Bois. Elliott’s not going to thank you for this. I, however, do!

CW: pain, anxiety,

“Now, the thing is,” Felix mused, leaning back in a plush white chair, “if it were up to Ryan, everything would be black and silver, right? But our task here is not to choose what Ryan would choose. What we’re trying to decide here is what Nancy would pick for Ryan. She’d want Ryan out of her comfort zone just slightly, so maybe she’d go with something – something like this off-purple, with the satin-y finish.”

Elliott grunted, not lifting his head from his fist. All of the colours in the book were starting to look the same to him, and there was no way he could focus hard enough to read the name of the shade Felix was pointing at. Felix had been extremely talkative all day, acting like an excited puppy ever since Nancy had asked them to take care of the colour scheme for Ryan’s birthday party, and Elliott had been able to tune it out until now. For some reason, hearing him ramble on and over-analyse the decision like that made Elliott roll his eyes.

“Good Lord, Fee,” he sighed, the words grating in his throat. “It’s starting to sound like you’re talking just for the sake of saying something.”

“Pardon me?” Felix folded his arms over the front of his t-shirt, which was loose and faded and exposed about a hand’s width of his chest. “Am I talking too much? You want me to be quieter?”

“Yes.” Elliott’s head spun when he realised what he’d said, and how bluntly it had come out. Felix’s face reacted as though he’d just hit him in the stomach. In reality, it was Elliott who felt like something had crashed into his gut, sending his organs into disarray.

Oh god, say something. Elliott pressed a hand against his stomach below the table, desperate for a moment of relief so he could just think straight long enough to make this better. The cramps weren’t letting up though, and probably wouldn’t while he was so tense.

“Oh, perfect,” Felix sang. “I’ll shut up, shall I? And we’ll just be two idiots sitting here, looking at colour charts in complete silence.”

“Great.”

The book of colour charts swam in his vision as he watched Felix slowly bringing a hand up to flip over the cover and slam it shut.

“Fee,” Elliott mumbled.

“No, no,” Felix said, shoving the heavy book across the table so it bounced against the arm Elliott was supporting his head with. “You barely speak to me all afternoon, and the first thing out of your mouth is this? I must really be driving you crazy, so... You know what, El? I’ll take myself off your hands.”

“Fee, I - hang on, I just -” Elliott sighed, watching the boy get to his feet and sling his jumper over his shoulder. He got to his feet to go after him, but that was when he was incapacitated by a horrible cramp that made his throat contract and his head spin. He had to put his hands down on the table to keep himself from swaying. As the pain ripped through his stomach, he prayed that Felix would still be there when he looked up.

He wasn’t altogether surprised when he wasn’t.

Wincing, Elliott lowered himself back into his chair, sweat coating his face and neck as he flipped open the book of colours. He hurriedly looked for the pale purple shade that Felix had been talking about, kicking himself for not paying more attention. He thought he was going to start blacking out any second, but that was when the party planner came back. He forced a smile and pointed to one of the light purples at random, telling her they’d be pairing it with black. Then he told her that would be all for today, and waited for her to leave the room before trying to get up again.

Outside the manor, it was starting to get cold. Elliott’s stomach churned when he saw that Felix had taken the car. He sat himself down on the curb by the parking lot, curling one arm around his aching gut and supporting his head with the other.

He and Felix had stopped for lunch on the way to meet the party planner, and though Elliott’s stomach had already been upset then, he’d put it down to not having enough blood lately. He’d ended up ordering two double-stacked burgers, hoping the red meat would compensate for it. He’d ended up finishing some of Felix’s food too, as Felix’s appetite often shrank a lot when he was excited or hyper-fixating on something.

He’d also noticed his blood cravings coming on a lot more sharply in recent weeks, but he’d been brushing it off in the hopes everything would just go back to normal. He didn’t want to consider the alternative, and what that would mean for his body, and for his relationship with Felix.

In the time he waited and choked back sobs of pain, Elliott saw several staff members go to their cars and leave, and some others arrive to start their shift. They would cast him a glance and look away again right away. Elliott had always been good at being unapproachable.

The cramps in his belly dropped from agonising to tolerable and then shot back up again, more times than he cared to keep track of. Sitting hunched up was probably making it worse, but standing and walking would have taken too much energy, energy that was already being sapped by the pain.

When it was finally his own car that crunched the gravel in the elaborate driveway, Elliott wasn’t sure if his eyes stung from the pain or from relief. He waited until Felix had parked before trying to stand up, and even then, it was an ordeal.

“Elli?” Felix called out, the spike in his voice indicating that he’d realised something was wrong.

He left the driver’s side door open and rushed to Elliott’s side, offering him his arms. His eyes were reddened from tears, which made Elliott’s heart twinge on top of everything else.

“Fee,” he gasped, reaching for him and collapsing forward. “Fee, my – my stomach hurts, it’s - it’s really horrible.”

“Oh my gosh. I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Elliott shouldn’t have believed him, and absolutely shouldn’t have let so much of his weight lean against Felix as they staggered towards the car; in terms of height, Elliott was nearly a foot taller, and in terms of weight, Elliott weighed almost two of Felix. Yet somehow Felix got him into the passenger side seat of the car, closing him in and sprinting around to crawl into the driver’s seat. Elliott let his head hang forward, gasping with muted pleasure as Felix stroked light fingers across the back of his neck.

“Darling,” Felix whispered, drawing Elliott’s head against his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice something was wrong. I was being childish, I – do I need to take you to a hospital?”

Elliott’s teeth chattered, and he let out whimpers into Felix’s soft, mint hair. “Just get me home?”

“Hmm. Okay.” Felix pressed a long kiss against Elliott’s temple, stroking a hand over his arm since he didn’t usually like external pressure on his stomach when it hurt. “But I’d like for us to tell Ryan about this. We need to know if this is –”

“Don’t,” Elliott gasped out. “Don’t – don’t say it, Fee, I – I can’t.”

Felix let out a shaky breath before he nodded and moved away from Elliott and reached for the ignition.

“Don’t bite me,” Elliott mumbled, settling his arm against the passenger side door and tucking his head into his elbow. ‘Don’t bite me’ was a rule he and Felix had invented so that they could be objectively honest with each other, but it could only be used sparingly. “Try to drive smoothly, if possible.”

“Oh, I’ll do my best, darling,” Felix promised. “Close your eyes and try to imagine we’re on a boat on a lake.”

Boat on a lake, Elliott thought with a weak, private smile. Boats on lakes didn’t lurch violently on bends or jerk forward at traffic lights. Elliott wrapped his other arm loosely around his waist, bracing himself and his aching stomach for a rocky forty minutes with Felix at the wheel. But god damn, if he didn’t love that boy, if he didn’t want to spend the rest of his existence –

“Hey, Fee?” Elliott’s voice trembled as he felt the car begin to reverse out of the parking spot. “If it won’t distract you too much from the road, can you sing something while you drive?”

“Oh, darling, you’re going to regret giving me permission for that.”

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thewatsonbeekeepers · 4 years

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Chapter 2 – Look up here, I’m in Heaven: the height metaphor

[The chapter title comes from David Bowie’s Lazarus. Lazarus is a cracking song, and you should listen to it. X CN: death, disturbing imagery]

It’s worth stating here that this whole meta has a cn for death and suicide – this one is analysing the literal peaks and troughs (height is important in this episode) that Sherlock goes through in order to look at how close he is to dying throughout.

In my reading, EMP theory begins once Mary shoots Sherlock in HLV – I’ve linked the reasons for this in Chapter 1 X, so I’m not going to run through them again here. I think Sherlock comes the closest to death that we see him in the EMP at the end of HLV – if you remember, he’s been put on a plane in ‘exile’ by Mycroft, but in reality is being sent to his death. This plane/height image is really important. In the Christian tradition (and therefore majority Western tradition that the writers are writing in), the sky is associated with heaven – Sherlock’s plane taking off being synonymous with his death seems a pretty straightforward metaphor in that regard. (It’s even one that’s used in Cats, though I don’t know if that’s a good thing.) Further to that – it ties in nicely with Sherlock being ‘high’ through a lot of s4, which represents the moments in which he is most repressed and his repression is most tied to self-harm. We have further ideas to buttress the height/aeroplane metaphor with, however – do you remember the plane in ASiB?

Sure, as I recall it never gets off the ground. But everybody on it is dead. Aeroplanes have an association with death already in this show, and the choice to put Sherlock on a plane rather than lock him up for four minutes or anything equivalent – and probably less expensive to shoot – suggests a deliberate throwback. We’re supposed to think of it as a kind of metal coffin.

[Obviously, there’s another, more notable use of an aeroplane in the programme – you can see where I’m going here. But bear with me – there’s more first.]

I want to quickly talk about what grounds Sherlock’s aeroplane. Moriarty appears on screens everywhere, and then we have the following exchange between Sherlock and Mycroft. I’ve already made a post about this that’s done the rounds on tumblr X, so if you already know this bit you’re ahead of the game.

As far as I can tell, nobody ever tells Sherlock that Moriarty is back. It’s possible Mycroft tells him offscreen, or that he googles it from his phone, given that he’s already breaking flight rules, but given that it’s the entire trigger for TAB, it seems a pretty odd thing to leave out. In EMP theory, it’s also the thing that downs his plane – in terms of the plane metaphor as well as literally, it stops him from dying. It’s pivotal, but we don’t see it. I therefore want to hypothesise – what does it mean if Sherlock is never told that Moriarty is back?

The first thing it tells us is that Sherlock is in his Mind Palace, because he knows that Moriarty is back without needing to be told. But the second is that Mycroft, the brain, is waking Sherlock from his dying stupor to tell him that England needs him, meaning that Sherlock’s brain equates Moriarty coming back with the word ‘England’ in some way. Perhaps this is a tenuous link, but the seed is planted back from ASiP, when we’re taught to associate John with his armchair.

Don’t mind me, I’m just crying. Basically, Sherlock knows that John is in danger and that’s what pulls him back from the brink – and we know it’s serious, because Mycroft, the brain, is warning him. Via call.

The fear of Moriarty coming back might sound like a tenuous symbol for John being in danger, but when we probe deeper the two are actually quite obviously equivalent. The only threat that Moriarty has ever posed to Sherlock is a threat to John’s life – the Semtex, burning the heart out of him, John Watson is definitely in danger, the sniper at the fall. This is Sherlock’s pressure point, and by getting rid of Moriarty, he’s getting rid of any danger to John – we know from his drug abuse etc. that his regard for himself is much lower. So Sherlock being woken from the dead to save John makes complete sense. He died for him, and now he’ll resurrect himself for him.

There are several layers to how John is in danger – the bottom one, which for me s4 is about getting to the heart of, is that without Sherlock John is suicidal. This was established in ASiP, and I believe is the metaphorical plot of TLD (see Chapter 9 X). However, there’s also the problem of Mary, newly discovered as an assassin, and Sherlock trying to work out who she is and where she comes from – more on that later, but there’s certainly a chance she’s linked to Moriarty, given the Morstan/Moran connections. ‘Did you miss me?’ works for both of those layers – the danger John is in from criminals is something that was really apparent in s1 and 2, but John’s endangerment from suicide is also something that was there at the beginning of the series. Sherlock changed these things – and didn’t realise he was the changing factor, but something in his subconscious is telling him that with him gone, John Watson is once again in danger.

So, his plane comes back to the runway – still in his mind palace, of course, but coming down. TAB – of which more on later – seems to be about the return of Moriarty, and Sherlock puzzling through it, which is jarringly absent from TST and TLD if you’re reading it on a surface level – it takes TAB for Sherlock to puzzle through this and to pull him down from death, as he comes to understand the Moriarty threat. This all sounds pretty vague – the TAB chapter will deal with it in more detail. For now, let’s move on to the other places where the height/heaven metaphor comes into s4.

One thing that several meta-writers have pointed out is that Ella’s office is… fucky. It’s not the same office as John repeatedly visits outside the MP – it’s possible that Ella has moved premises, but it’s a weird thing to draw such obvious attention to by the weirdness of the room. This isn’t a subtle change, like John and Mary’s place, it’s a really dissonant one, and the oddness of the room pulls our attention towards a character and space that by rights belong in the background of the story. It’s a really odd move – and that’s why I’m so convinced that it’s important.

It looks like Heaven, for want of a better description. The window with the light streaming through looks like the very top of a church window, and the beams suggest that the ceiling is like a kind of spire – and the spire in a church is meant to be closer to heaven, that’s part of the imagery. So there’s that side of things, and I really don’t think that’s a coincidence. However, the even weirder part is the partitioning of the room, for want of a better word. The wall ends at about chair height, and from there to the floor is – nothing? These aren’t mirrors because the chairs aren’t reflected. I have never seen a room partitioned like this, and nor has anyone I’ve shown the image to – again, it draws attention to itself. If the creative team had wanted us to take this scene at face value, they would have put Ella in an office. This is not a psychiatrist’s office. The partitions mean that it isn’t even private.

I don’t know if I’m right about the partitions, but there’s only one thing they remind me of, and that’s a closing door. It’s a trope in an adventure film – I first saw it in Indiana Jones, but it’s in many a movie. It also features in Doctor Who on multiple occasions.

It’s the moment when the door is coming down and you only have a few seconds to get under it, otherwise you die. Indiana Jones famously goes back for his hat. That one. That’s what the space under the partition looks like. Sherlock, thinking he’s solved the case of Norbury and therefore Mary (more in Chapter 7 X) is ready to pop off – he’s nearly gone. But in a moment of self-interrogation – making sure he got everything right, that John’s safe now – he realises he isn’t, and so he comes down. That sinking downwards is represented by the water imagery, as he sinks deep into his subconscious – LSiT has written a fantastic meta on water in S4 which you can read here X, as I’m loath to take credit for this idea!

I’m going to talk about water a lot more in the chapters on TFP, because of John in the well and pirates and so much, but the obvious thing to talk about now is the plane in TFP.

This is a point where surface level plot breaks down – because this cannot be in Eurus’s mind. When we watch film/tv, we make one of two assumptions – either we have the omnipotent view, like in most films, where we’re guided by the director but everything we see is ultimately objectively true, or we see through somebody else’s eyes (rarer). These can be played with – think of a film like The Usual Suspects (please skip to the next paragraph if you haven’t seen this film because it’s fantastic) where the film lets the viewer rest on their laurels and slip into normal, objective viewing patterns when of course it’s a subjective, flashback narrative, which Kevin Spacey is deliberately obscuring to trick an audience. This rug pull can be fantastic, but we don’t have such a rug pull here. Either it’s a poor man’s version, or there’s something else going on. Mug drop.

New paragraph – spoilers gone. Moments where the perspective was actually subjective and we missed it or forgot it are great rug pulls, because the clues are there but we don’t spot them. We love a good unreliable narrator. This isn’t the case here. The plane scene, as visualised, exists only inside Eurus’s head. Eurus is emphatically not our narrator during TFP, so when it comes out that the girl on the plane isn’t real, we just feel lied to.

If we accept that s4 takes place inside Sherlock’s MP, this makes more sense, because all of the characters are manifestations of different parts of Sherlock’s psyche and so he can jump between perspectives. It also means that the terror of being on a crashing plane that Eurus has felt ever since she was a child is not hers – it’s Sherlock’s. If we remember that planes are synonymous with dying in this show, an association that’s reinforced because of the “sleeping” people on the plane, a clear throwback to the dead passengers in ASiB, the climax of S4, when Sherlock is trying to save John and work out his repressed memories, is all fuelled by a child’s nightmare of dying, a terror that has resurfaced.

I think Eurus represents Sherlock’s queer trauma, and I’ll explain that in more detail in Chapter 5 X, which is completely devoted to Eurus. Her representing trauma, though, makes a great deal of sense in this situation. The problem of the plane, the threat that she hinges on, is one that has been repeating and repeating, though repressed, inside Sherlock’s consciousness, and he breaks through it with not only kindness, but the recognition that it is all in Eurus’s (and by extension his) head.

This doesn’t diminish the trauma that Sherlock experiences – one of the things I begrudgingly like about the ending of TFP. Sherlock can’t get rid of the problem and possible danger that is his trauma – but he can stop it from careering to the point of destruction by recognising it, he can learn to live in harmony (see the violin duet) with it, he can accept its existence. Pushing through that trauma is what makes him able to abandon the plane and (we hope) return to the real world.

The positioning of the aeroplane problem in relation to the John-trapped-in-a-well problem is also pretty important. I’m of the firm belief that Eurus represents queer trauma, and this is the trauma that throughout the entirety of series 4 is both pushing him towards John and blocking him from him. Sherlock needs to wake up to save John, and has to push through the trauma to recognise this – but the trauma is blocking his way. She’s stopping him from helping John – it’s a terrible moment when Sherlock is telling John that he’s busy whilst John is drowning in the well – but it’s also pushing through the aeroplane moment that allows him to save John in the MP. This is the paradox of queer repression, right, and the paradox in Eurus’s behaviour – she’s simultaneously blocking Sherlock and leading him on to the solution.

When Sherlock finally reaches Eurus’s room, he tells her that he’s on the ground and he can bring her down too – and what is most striking is the way Eurus is sitting. She’s actually incredibly grounded, sitting cross-legged on the floor, and given that the house is burned it’s likely that this is the ground floor as well. The dark room is a far cry from the bright lighting of the plane – everything suggests that she’s been pulled back. And of course, the lovely touch that all she needs to do is open her eyes. That’s all the creators have ever been asking people to do – open their eyes to what is hiding in plain sight – and Eurus is allowing Sherlock to see things afresh for the first time. But also, this final breakthrough is what’s going to allow Sherlock to open his own eyes, right? So that phrase is doubly powerful.

And there was me hating on TFP for three years. That’s a brief journey through the highs and lows of series 4, though if anyone can explain the planes in TST to me that would be wonderful! The next chapter will do a run through of HLV before we move onto TAB and series 4.

#chapter two #look up here i'm in heaven: the height metaphor #thewatsonbeekeepers #emp theory #on we go!#tjlc #meta #my meta #mine #johnlock #bbc sherlock #bbc johnlock

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kuroopaisen · 3 years

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@kacchand (i couldn't tag your main but i wanted to make sure you saw this fdlkjfdlkj)

hello dear! i’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this dflskjfdlkfdj i decided to answer your ask in a text post so i can link my thoughts to yours more easily! also, i know i'm going to Ramble, so i wanted to be able to keep it under a cut sdlkfjd

Hi rowan!! I've just finished the final chapter of aot and I just wanted to ask your opinion on it!

(SPOILERS THAT DEPICT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY'S MEANING AHEAD. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE FINISHED THE CHAPTER)

(FR )

(THERE'S STILL TIME TO BACK OUT)

(DO IT NOW. SPOILER ALERT)

I'd also like to ask a follow up question about it, because it seems that I've come to a different concl. from many of my friends and I'm feeling dumb abt how i feel w it.

first of all (and i say this as sincerely as possible, and if i'm coming off as condesending please let me know hh), please don't feel dumb because you've come to a different conclusion :(

we all read media at different levels (i’ve been told it’s ‘not that deep’ before fdljkfsdlkj) and identify different aspects in it, so the fact that you've had a different experience to some of your friends is absolutely not a reflection on your intelligence. and if anyone's making you feel that way, drop their @. i just want to talk :) furthermore, you’re not wrong for responding to something emotionally, especially if it really... makes you uncomfortable, you know?

i'm from the PH & I've put off determining whether i'm comfy w the manga til the last chap,,,, but is it wrong that I can't shake the feeling that it's a justification of japanese expansionism and genocide? ik this manga has always been in the grey area, and that's what I love abt it! It often shows that no choice they make is absolutely good or bad, and does such a good job at showing you how each complex character came to that understanding (role of environment, etc...) but this last chapter felt too positive abt the rumbling? Like it was justified because paradis was able to advance and there wasn't much choice? idk.

that's totally valid! some of the best think pieces on the show i read mentioned that the concern with the narrative is less "is isayama a nazi sympathiser?" (he most likely isn't), but if he's a imperial japan apologist. and...

well, let's just say that my father is british, and when i was trying to say that colonisation was bad, using british india as an example, he said "well, we gave them railroads." it's... it's uncomfortable and gross and i think it encapsulates how countries with imperial pasts tend to talk about them; even if they don't officially endorse it, there's often a lot of talk about how "well colonialism was good for this country, actually--"

and if the manga felt like it was justifying japanese expansionism, then chances are it had elements that very much did point towards that. i've had a lot of trouble grappling with reiner, annie and bertolt, because they've existed in this grey area of 'victim of oppression' and 'war criminal'; and their existence raises the question of "do people who commit war crimes simply do what needs to be done?" and by victimising them it... it plays into the whole nuremberg defense of "i was just following orders". it's making you feel bad for the people committing said war crimes (and similarly with eren, and all the awful things he's done). but i'll get more into this point later dsfkjfd

i haven't read the last chapter yet (and don't worry about spoilers! i've been approaching aot from a very... specific perspective anyway, so i actually don't mind spoilers -- i read a bunch of analyses of the series before i'd even watched it hh), but... i think if it came off as too positive about, you know... an awful thing that happened, then it absolutely makes sense that you'd feel uncomfortable?

the modernisation narrative in general is one that always skeeves me out. it's one japanese imperialists use to justify the invasion of korea (and even those infamous tweets from the one account purported to be isayama talk about how the population of korea boomed under japanese imperial occupation, which... stop.)

it's also commonly invoked in cases of development. certain members of society (usually the poor), just 'had' to die for the good of the future. who gives a damn if they consent to that? they have to.

similarly, the 'we had no choice' narrative. that's... a concerning one that crops up time and again with history apologists, the argument that "oh if x country hadn't done y, then someone else would've!" or that acts of aggression were done as pre-emptive self-defence, which is so... ugh. i just. i just hate it.

It also feels really weird w the ymir and the whole loving fritz thing. i wish we got to see more of her thought process and what conclusion she came to that led her to destroying the power of the titans.

i... hate this so much. i get that abuse is complicated and victims often have multifaceted feelings towards their abusers, but... most people would focus on that in their story? the story would be about that? but instead, it's just... a thing in the history of the world and that's... icky.

also having the genesis of the titans come from a slave girl in love with her captor... there's many levels of ick to it and i highly doubt it was handled with the appropriate level of grace and sensitivity.

honestly, this might be one of the things that pissed me off the most because of how... contradictory her backstory was with That One Chapter (you know, instead of ymir crying because she wants to be free or because she’s been trapped she........ wants to see mikasa kiss eren’s decapitated head? i guess? what the fuck?)

idk...I just think that context is sometimes everything. and i understand that media can portray incorrect things,,,, and that isayama likely didn't intend for it to become a global sensation, but i guess i'm just uncomfortable w the right wing nazis getting a comfort book ahaha.

i totally get that! even if attack on titan is meant to be anti-fascists, the fact of the matter is... a lot of fascists love it. and relate to it. which is... alarming. especially given just how popular aot is worldwide.

it’s hard because before the ending, attack on titan did feel like it was more grey; i remember saying that i wouldn’t know how to feel about it until the ending because the story was either saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell”, or it was saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell, but it is necessary.”

still sorting out my thoughts, but yeah. I think i'm having a hard time understanding what they really accomplished with the rumbling and how they gave eren a sudden lelouch role and a lot of how they made it out to be a happy thing? perhaps I'm too biased to see it fully but to me it gives a "woah. eren was a hero. he saved us from destruction. those people needed to die for us to achieve this temporary peace and new start". i suppose the rumbling gave them a levelled playing ground?

OH MY GOOOOOD okay. i haven't finished code geass. but i really don't like lelouch. i mean... i think i just don't like characters that sacrifice other people for a purported 'greater good' (i could write an Essay about how much i hate erwin smith looking at him is enough to send me into an unhinged rage), but where i'm up to in the anime, i don't like the direction they're going with eren? i mean, i've never liked eren, but... that whole "martyr for the eldians" is just. ew. especially when you see several eldian characters disagree and resist him.

why does this one guy get to make choices for everyone else? because he’s sPeCiAL? fuck off

sorry for not being coherent. maybe i'm basing this too much on feelings ahaha. trust aot to finish it's scandalous run with a scandalous end.

no omg you're being perfectly coherent :( also, if anyone's making you feel bad or stupid for how you experience media, they’re... definitely not as smart as they think they are fdslskjfdlk.

i'm of that mind that, while media consumption is in part an intellectual exercise, it is inherently very emotional; narrative media tries to make us feel as much as it makes us think. that’s what stories are for, you know? intellectual analysis is well and good but what’s the point of a story if it doesn’t make you feel anything?

that's to say, i don't believe there's such thing as basing your opinion too much on feelings :') especially since it's your personal experience with a piece of media; you don't owe anyone 'objectivity' (which is always a farce when it comes to this sort of thing) or 'logical analysis', because nobody's got any right to criticise you for engaging with media the 'wrong way'.

tl;dr I feel like the mood was too celebratory abt the rumbling, and didn't entail enough on the tragedy so much that it felt like a justification for genocide and expansionism. how do you feel abt it's ending and the message it leaves? is isayama responsible to give a morally correct answer to the cycle of hatred? you're not obligated to answer! and sorry for the rambling.

hhh yeah i guess that’s the thing at the end of the day... is isayama responsible for giving a “morally correct” answer? no, but the way the ending plays out is very telling.

like armin thanking eren? mikasa’s e n t i r e character boiling down to being in love with a mass murderer no matter how poorly he’s treated her? and one could argue that kind of ending is supposed to be unsettling, supposed to hint that the cycle will just continue, but...

framing is everything. and it’s framed like a Good, Emotional Thing, Aren’t We So Grateful Eren Did All Those Awful Things

YI think I would've been fine if we got to see more of Eren's or Yif you have a different perspective on how eren is being portrayed please do share! I just felt really yucky watching armin say "thanks for murdering all those people for us" with love,,, I suppose he was trying to make eren feel better. ach maybe I'm just overreacting. idk. im dumb ahaha . i'll send this in anyway cuz I'd love to hear your take!

HHHHHHH i just hate eren and i never got him. i felt bad for him in the beginning, but he's always been too... violent for me. there was a very short period of time in season 2 where i felt bad for him, but otherwise it’s just been... ugh. the main three have always been the weakest part of the series imo, so it’s really not surprising they’re part of the reason the ending was so. bad.

and... well, that one infamous quote pretty much sums up my issue with armin. he's supposed to be the 'intelligent' one, but he's hopelessly devoted to a homicidal maniac with whom he has a very artificial, unbelievable bond with.

at the end of the day, the "thank you for becoming our monster" thing just makes it seem like attack on titan's core message is "war is horrible, but it is necessary." it feels like it's justifying massacre. and while fiction is fiction, and sometimes it's as simple as that, i think something as politically loaded as attack on titan needs to be looked at with a critical lens when discussing what it’s trying to say or what it means.

do i think it makes someone a Bad Person for liking aot or being attached to it in some way? no, because that’s dumb, and what media someone likes =/= their Moral Goodness TM. ofc trends are a thing and certain pieces of media appeal to certain types of people, but it’s a false equivalency that misses the point.

but by that same breath, nobody is wrong or stupid or has Less Valid Opinions just because what they took away from it makes them uncomfortable.

i’m sorry this is So Long i have so many thoughts about this dskljfslkj

but at the end of the day,

levi sexy

#kacchan 💕#rowan rambles #rowan watches attack on titan #attack on titan spoilers #attack on titan tw

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neonpiegon · 3 years

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How to be adequately competent at fighting games

Expository Essay - missing some pictures and messed up formatting from the original document.

Introduction :

Fighting games have climbed in popularity ever since having been introduced in the olden days’ arcades, where kids, teens, and adults gathered to be the most powerful player amongst their opponents. However, with the introduction of consoles and online play, arcades met their downfall, but fighting games grew into an immense community (the FGC) of competitiveness and skill.

Selecting a game:

What are you looking for?

Do you want something simple or complex? Realistic or cartoonish? Classic or modern? Intensely violent or toned down? New or familiar? There are so many choices that it makes you feel you could not play them all in a lifetime. As of today, the most prestigious and popular franchises in the competitive scene are: Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Super Smash Bros., Guilty Gear, Tekken, Soulcalibur, Under Night In-Birth, Dragon Ball FighterZ, King of Fighters, BlazBlue, and Samurai Shodown. All of them are unique and incredible, plus many other minor franchises. Your choices are virtually limitless.

Comparing your choice:

Try out every game you can for as long as possible! You may find an old game that you enjoy very much, or maybe unlock a secret character or learn some advanced techniques that drastically change how you play.

Limiting yourself to one game:

Limiting your practice to only one game may be optimal to getting better at it, but you have got to take into consideration two things: maybe you’re very skilled at other games, and maybe you enjoy other games just as much or even more.

Familiarizing yourself with the community:

Casual:

The best you can do is having some friends play with you. Maybe they will be interested in the game as much as you and will become your training partners. Either way, it’s a guaranteed fun time.

Competitive:

Most communities have online forums and detailed videos from professional players to help newcomers. Depending on where you live, there might be some small, local tournaments you can attend and meet experienced players. The biggest tournament of the year, EVOLUTION, hosts around 9 selected fighting games that thousands of players from all over the world come to participate in and try to climb their way to win the prestigious 1st prize. Some communities have a lot of controversies involved within them, mainly caused by the misconduct of their professional players; however, it is unfair to judge the whole community that is united to have unadulterated fun because of some bad apples.

Mastering the controls:

Variations and presets:

You are allowed to change the controller configuration to whatever accommodates you the best or to the ones the community thinks the most optimal is. Maybe changing around some buttons can change your playstyle altogether.

Adapting to the situation:

Some games, like Super Smash Bros., allow you to save multiple controller configurations for whatever situation you may be in, whichever character you are playing as, or whoever may be playing against you. Other people may like the default controls or use a very specific configuration, and some characters feel better and smoother with different controls.

Different controllers:

This is extremely important, as it can dictate how long can you play and how well can you play. They say a poor craftsman blames his tools; this is not that case. They are many different types of controllers, with different button layouts, sticks, bumps, triggers, and grips for many kinds of hand sizes and shapes and playing styles. Some are cheap, some are expensive. The only thing you can do is to try out as many as you can, play with them, and choose the best one that accommodates your hands and your fighting style for the best comfort and precision.

Choosing a character:

Roster:

This is a graphic representing all the characters available in the game. Some games have a couple dozen or even less. Others, like the most recent Super Smash Bros., have an insane amount of 80+ characters... That makes it even harder to choose one!

The best method I use to choose characters is to ask 3 questions: Do I like the character? Is the character good? Do I play well with that character?

Matchups:

This means how a character performs against another character, since they all have different abilities, strengths, weaknesses, and even physical properties. A good matchup means that your character has the advantage; a bad matchup means the opposite.

Tier list:

It is a list of all characters, from the best one to the worst. A tier list can be created by anyone, and because of that it involves a lot of controversy, since it includes both objective and subjective arguments. The most accepted ones are the ones created by the top professional players. It gives a general idea of how good a character is, but it really shouldn’t influence much on picking a character.

Main:

This refers to your main character, the one you love and practice the most.

Secondary:

It is your second most practiced character. Some players may not have one, as they pour all their efforts into their main, but having a secondary is optimal to cover some matchups your main may lose against.

Pocket:

It is your “surprise” character. It is rare to have one, and it is used to throw your opponent off balance as a “last resort,” since most pockets are unusual characters that many players don’t have experience with and may have a poor matchup against.

Fighting:

Mechanics:

Basic:

You must master these in order to fight. It normally includes simple commands for movements, standard attacks and defense.

Advanced:

Mastering these can be the bridge between an amateur fighter and a skilled fighter. Some techniques are complicated to perform, or even understand for many people. They include mechanics like counters, special abilities, directional commands, canceling (cancel an action sooner than usual to perform the next one quicker), actions that affect frame data (a frame is used in all media; in fighting, it refers to how many frames in a second it takes an action to start, affect, and end), and many more unique mechanics that are exclusive to each game.

Approach:

This depends on both the fighter and player themselves. This means how they fight, be it aggressive, defensive, zoner (meaning you control a zone of the stage), and many other unorthodox styles. Changing fighting styles correctly may be the deciding factor to win a match. “Neutral” is a term used when both fighters are distant to one another without acting, as if the match had just started. This is used professionally to analyse all the available options to approach and try to secure a combo.

Opponents:

Never underestimate an opponent, always be one step ahead.

(Leonardo López Pérez, from Mexico City, who at the age of 15 gained fame for beating the top professionals Super Smash Bros. players and quickly became the world’s best Super Smash Bros. player and proud bearer of the title after many years).

Counterpicks:

If you know what character your opponent will pick, you may want to choose a fighter who has the most advantage/better matchup. In some games, even the stage matters as a counterpick.

Combos:

This is slang for combination of moves. Combos can be true, meaning that once the combo has successfully started, your opponent has no way of escaping it; they are impossible to defend, counter attack, or avoid. If your opponent can cancel a combo at any point, then it is not true.

It is seen here the use of moves like punches and kicks (both of which are separated into light, medium and heavy), and directional inputs (like the quarter circle).

Hype:

It’s a play that makes the audience lose their minds! The play of the game. A majority of hype plays are made through complex combos, perfect stocks (beating your opponent without taking any damage), and reads (accurately predicting what your opponent will do and punishing them, as if “reading a book”). Nonetheless, is it better to win boringly or to lose with hype, sending a message? That is yours to decide.

Pressure:

No matter how much you grind (practice as if that is your only purpose in life), at the moment a fight starts, your nerves can get the best of you, and if you are in a tournament, where a lot of people are watching, it will get worse. Calm down. Breathe. Analyze your opponent. Have fun. There’s always a next time.

Conclusion

The increase in both quantity and quality of the fighting games has guaranteed to offer the ideal game that will surely interest anyone with the intent of playing this genre. The competitive scene is rough, full of controversy and hardships, but the rewards of practice and dedication make it worth all the blood, sweat and tears poured into building a reputation of skill to be recognized for years to come by the people in the community, be it spectators or opponents. Either way, the only way to really learn to fight, is to fight. Fighting games are not only greatly challenging, but really fun as well!

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